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sdvharveybby · 3 years

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hey!!! ur stuff is AWESOME and i love it so here's 7 for... ya guessed it, harvey !! i love him sm <33

7- “I’m not going to like what you’re about to tell me…. am I?”

You’re such a good friend, thank you so much bby!! AHHHH! I truly appreciate your kind words.

Oh, inspiration with this was actually getting my ass absolutely handed to me in Sekiro. I just started the game today and as a Dark Souls 1+3 and Bloodborne’s veteran- oof that game kicks some serious ass. It’s certainly more forgiving than DS and BB, but jeez- it ain’t nice. No sunshine and rainbows there kiddos.

Also, my asks are now reopened! I closed them because school has started, but I believe I can still manage asks- they’ll just take longer than my previous works. They’ll get done though!

This work is kinda angsty? but it ends all soft and happy. When I read this prompt- this is just the story I thought of, and I think it worked out! I’m happy with it at least :)

LOVE YOU BBY THANKS FOR THE ASK!!

Word Count: 1462

Early in the morning, about 5am, Harvey tossed and turned. His alarm had just gone off and he sat, upright, in his bed trying to wake up. With the Summer heat in full swing his apartment became a sauna, even at night with fans on him constantly the heat was almost unbearable. He made an effort to stay hydrated and still get moderate sleep, but something with today seemed off to him.

The farmer offered to go on a date with him to the beach, even through the summer heat he couldn’t say no. He recalls seeing the farmer seeming nervous and almost guilt ridden when they asked him, and it created a pit in his stomach that was unshakeable. He always worried quite a bit, but with his insecurities he feared that the farmer would rather be friends than stay in a relationship. His constant thinking was crushing, but he sincerely hoped that he was overthinking it.

Harvey stood, albeit slowly, and rubbed his face with his hands. He took the day off today as no one would be coming in for a checkup, and he asked for Maru to take his place while he ran a few errands and worked on his hobbies. Harvey and the farmers date didn’t happen until 2pm, so he figured he should get some outside work done. It would help distract him from his thoughts until then if he read and worked on one of his new model airplanes.

He made his way over to his kitchen and began brewing coffee. He wasn’t hungry enough yet to make any breakfast, but he wanted to watch the sun rise while enjoying his coffee. Once it finished brewing, he poured it into a cup with some creamer, and began to open up his curtains to let any light in. It was still dark outside as he did this, but slowly it grew lighter out and he watched the sun peak over the trees. Watching the sun rise was such a beautiful sight to him- something he enjoyed doing almost every morning. It seemed, to him, that there was always something new to discover when watching it rise- it gave him peace and warmth.

“I know I’m just overthinking it…” He quietly mumbled to himself as he sipped his coffee. “But what if they find me childish or…” Harvey didn’t let himself finish. He shook his head, trying to wipe any thoughts he had away, the pit in his stomach growing bigger. After watching the sun rise, he began working on his model airplane and it eased his mind whilst doing so.

He watched his clock tick to 1:30pm and he began to gather his things to leave. With heavy footsteps, he made his way down into the clinic and greeted Maru, “Thank you for taking over today. I needed some time to myself,” He gave her a soft smile. “No problem! Happy to help and have fun with your date today!” Maru wore an unusually big smile, but he grumbled in response as he stepped out the door. He wasn’t sure what to expect when meeting the farmer, but he didn’t want to hide from them forever. Whatever was going to happen today he made sure to face it head on, but with his thoughts- he wasn’t allowed much solace.

Harvey still wore a happy expression though, he wanted nothing more than for his anxiety to cease, but he wasn’t the type to purposefully worry anyone.

He made his way to the beach and upon entering it he saw the farmer sitting on one of the benches that provided shade. Harvey let out a noticeable gulp and headed towards them. The farmer turned and gave them a big smile as he sat down, “Hey, Harvey! How’d you sleep?” Harvey gave a quick chuckle, “Nothing like sleeping in a swimming pool,” He joked and hearing the farmers laugh eased his nerves. He felt so comfortable with them and it overjoyed him to see them smile and laugh- it always made his heart skip a beat. “How was the sun rise today? Bright and shiny?” They asked him and he smiled, “Oh, of course. Even with the summer heat- the sun always gives a more comfortable and acceptable heat. Something I’ll never get tired of…” He let his sentence trail off as he leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees and his hands holding up his chin. His nerves started to grow once again, but with the farmer at his side he couldn’t help but to feel happy and content. “So, Harvey… There’s something I want to talk to you about.” There it was. This fated sentence that had been driving Harvey partially mad. He tensed up at their words but eased when they felt the farmers hand on his back. He gulped once again, but with his posture- his hair hid his face. “I’m… not going to like what you’re about to tell me, am I?” He whispered to them and the farmers hand that was softly rubbing his back ceased.

There was a momentary pause as he said this, the farmer shifting in their seat. “We’ve been together for a while now and I genuinely enjoy every minute I’m with you…” Here it comes… Just stay calm- trust their decision no matter what it is, he thought to himself as he listened carefully to the words that came out of their mouth. His body grew more tense, but he didn’t look at them. If his worst fear came true, he didn’t want to particularly see it. “Harvey, why are you so tense? Are you okay?” Their kind words shocked him out of his mental prison, and he turned to give them a smile, “Of course, carry on.” He urged as he motioned his body back into his hunched over position.

“Harvey… Would you marry me?”

His eyes grew wide at the thought, the absolute tidal wave of relief washed over him as tears brimmed his eyes. His worst fears shattered, and he did his best to choke back his tears of relief and excitement. As he still didn’t look at them, the farmer dangled the familiar mermaid’s pendant in front of him. He watched it sway back and forth- the view of the beach blurred behind it.

Harvey took in a deep breath and let out his tears, he turned to the farmer and gave them a big smile, “Yes! I would absolutely love to marry you!” The farmer wore a shocked expression as they watched him, but it quickly softened into admiration and love. “What did you think I wanted to talk about?” They questioned him as he pulled a napkin from his pants pocket to blow his nose, “Ah-“ he started as he attempted to gather himself. “I was so worried that this talk would be about breaking up.” He admitted, he sat back into the bench and wiped his watery eyes on his shirt sleeve. “I hate to admit it, but I just destroyed myself at the thought. I didn’t want to just be friends with you- I love you more than I ever thought I would. The thought just terrified me is all.” The farmer moved to face him. He had no choice but to look at the farmer he loved so much, and he gave them a big smile. The farmer smiled back and cupped his cheeks, they leaned in for a kiss which he greatly accepted.

After which, he pulled them in for a hug, “I could never do that to you, Harvey.” The farmer began nuzzled in his chest, “Because truth is- I feel the same way. I love you so much that that thought alone also terrifies me too. We’re in this world together, never forget that.” Harvey let out a few more tears as he clutched onto them. All of his worries had faded away- his heart slowed, and he no longer felt so nervous and anxiety ridden. He felt loved, appreciated, and accepted. To be their fiancé was like a dream he never thought would come true, and Harvey couldn’t help but to smile at the thought.

It had been hours since they both got together at the beach. It was filled with conversations, marriage planning, and jokes. Neither of them seemed bothered by the summer heat, but the day grew darker as it slowly transitioned into night.

The same sun that he watched rise into the sky that morning now began to set and they both watched it with eager eyes as they held each other in a tight embrace.

He wore the mermaid’s pendant with great pride and showered the farmer in kisses- it was certainly a day that neither of them would forget.

#sdv #sdv harvey #sdv story #stardew valley #stardew farmer #harvey stardew valley #stardew valley harvey #sdv farmer #stardew harvey #harvey stardew

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innittowinit · 3 years

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Run Rabbit Run (2/3)

Summary:

When Assassin Technoblade receives an offer he can't refuse, to kill the king, he starts to live a double life as a knight inside the castle walls.

Unexpected to him, he meets a pair of troublesome brothers, a skilled gardener and a father figure in the process, Can he go through with it this time?

AO3

Living in the castle was… different, if he were to put it lightly.

On normal days, Techno would wake up towards 11am, check to see if any potential clients had sent him a letter, and then carry out any assassinations that he still needed to do. Needless to say, jobs never normally needed him to infiltrate the royal workers, most of the time it was just a quick shot of a bow or a swift swing of a sword.

Working quickly and efficiently was what he was known for, in the underbelly of crime.

That being said, a lifetime of working as a criminal had never prepared him for the strict regime that came with being a knight. He had been led to a large dorm room filled with the other knights by Wilbur and Tommy on his first day here, that had been the first shock, he wasn’t used to not having any private space. The next shock had been waking up at 5am, he had to pull himself out of bed and put on his new iron armour, trying the whole while to remind himself that this was in fact worth it for the money he’d be receiving by the end of it.

He had been given a surprising amount of freedom, considering he was the new guy, he had half been expecting someone to follow him around and make sure that he wasn’t doing anything he shouldn’t be. Instead, he’d been given the loose order to just make rounds around the castle grounds and make sure everything was running smoothly. A small percentage of the guards had also been sent down to make their rounds in the main kingdom but he supposed it must be a fairly small area if they didn’t even need all their men down there.

Recently the sheer abundance of gold surrounding him was really affecting his concentration and self-control, naturally, his instincts were screaming at him to drop everything and grab something, anything, to keep for himself. Quite a few times, he had been tempted to ignore the mission and just give in to what he wanted but he knew that would be a sure fire way to ruin any trust he’d be able to build between the fellow workers and the king.

His so-called self control was really put to the test when he was called to stand guard when the King made Wilbur and Tommy try out some new golden additions to the uniform.

Of course though, the Knight uniform was Iron as always, all he needed to do was stand with the king as he judged the boys, trying out the new clothes. It was a little ironic that he had made the mistake of hiring the assassin to protect him from assassins.

“Techno, I don’t think I’ve really spoken to you as much as I should have” The King had sighed as the two waited for Wilbur and Tommy to finish getting changed. “You’re a real character, you know? No matter how hard I try I can’t read you”

“Sometimes, not reading people is for the better, Sir”

The heaviness of the statement rolled off Techno’s tongue easily, not realising how incriminating it really was. Luckily though, the King just laughed and nodded, one hand on his shoulder.

Techno didn’t want to think about how tempted he was to pull the gold rings right off his fingers.

“Done!”

Tommy grinned as he half ran, half jogged out of the changing room, spreading his arms wide, dramatically, and giving a big spin.

The changes to the uniform were minuscule, clearly only done to show wealth to any visitors over the fact that even the king’s chefs and butlers were clad in expensive materials.

“What D'ya think Techie?” With almost a rhythm to the words, Tommy walked towards Techno and stretched his arms out, bringing attention to the golden detailing at the bottom of his sleeves, as well as the thick pads that capped off his shoulders. The uniform really did look ridiculous.

“You’re a Piglin! I bet you love this stuff!”

“Tommy..” The king spoke in a warning tone, Techno didn’t quite understand why he was sticking up for him when stuff like this was so common. By now, he was used to being teased for being a Piglin, that’s just how life was for Mobs.

“What Phil?”

Pulling his hands back to his sides, Tommy rolled his eyes. Wilbur had also joined them, the golden detailing working much better against the black Butler uniform rather than the White Chef’s one.

“Phil he literally is a Piglin! I’m not even being mean!”

Techno couldn’t help but groan. Of course he thought he was in trouble for calling him a Piglin, of course people assumed that was a bad word. It was times like this when he was glad these are the kind of people he hurts with his work… but then again the person defending him was the person he was destined to kill.

Techno decided not to think about it.

What he did think about instead was how close he was going to have to get to the king to not be a suspect. Seriously, he had workers that were so casual with him that they would argue with him and call him by his first name, how long would he have to stay here?

“Toms.”

God the King had nicknames for them too? He was in for a lot of work.

“Look, it’s just not nice to assume he likes things and bring up what species he is as a justification.”

Tommy was clearly getting frustrated, judging by how Wilbur had said that they had been taken in as kids, he assumed the boy wasn’t really used to being told off for things.

“No! Just look! He’s fine with it! It was a joke man!”

And with that, Techno’s hoof was being grabbed and pulled up to touch the shoulder pad. What happened next was a blur, he remembered shoving Tommy away but he couldn't remember if he fell or just staggered back a bit. He noted that Wilbur had yelled something at him but he was more focused on getting the safe feeling that came with feeling the gold back. So, before he could think any better he had swiped the King’s crown straight off of his head and was cradling it close to his chest, like an animal protecting its food.

“Techno?”

The king’s voice had been gentle and non-judgmental as he carefully placed a hand on his shoulder.

All he got as a response was a low grunt, his bared tusks far too prominent for him to even attempt talking right now.

“Techno, I want you to know that first of all you aren't in trouble, okay?”

With a little nod, Techno attempted to hand the crown back over, trying to salvage what he could of their opinions on him but just as he held it out towards the King his instincts took control again, complete fear and terror coursing through his veins as he imagined having to go back to having no gold to give him that safe feeling he was after.

“That’s alright, you can hold onto it for now, let’s just calm you down a bit bud”

Mind too foggy with anger and instincts, he didn’t even register it when Phi- the King moved him to sit on a bench with one arm around him lovingly. If he didn’t know any better he’d say this man was almost fatherly but he knew there must be a dark side to him if he had been offered so much to kill him.

“I’m very sorry about what happened, I don’t think Tommy really understood what he was doing, We’ll make sure that it won't happen ever again.”

Phil’s voice was kind, it understood that Techno wouldn’t want people teasing him about that kind of thing, it cared that Techno had been upset and wanted to fix that. The same kind voice softly instructed Techno on how to breathe in and out to slow down his pacing heartbeat, eventually helping him lower his tusks and loosen his grip on the crown.

“Ah jeez” Techno sighed, feigning a chuckle “This is humiliating, I’m sorry”

Despite the fact that he was calmer now and was able to think clearly and talk again, it was still very clear that he didn’t want to give up the crown as he twirled it in his hands, carefully tracing each gem as he did so.

Looking up, he could finally read the faces of the people that surrounded him, Phil looked like he was worried, Wilbur looked disappointed and Tommy looked as if he was about to crack under the guilt. This much attention made him feel almost sick, if he didn’t know better he would have leaned into Phil’s gentle touch by now, he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t at least a little touch starved.

“Tommy.” Wilbur cleared his throat as he nudged his brother forwards, the younger of the two looking down at his boots in shame.

“Uh.. I didn’t think you were going to react like that, I’m really sorry. I know it doesn’t really mean much now but if I'm being honest I did think Piglins just..liked gold. I didn’t think you were going to...lose control or anything. I’m sorry, I do want to be friends with you but I’m scared I’ve biffed it” Techno couldn’t tell whether it was because Tommy was a human teenage boy or because he was just that remorseful but he could hear a slight waver in his voice as he spoke, as if he was holding back tears.

That was strange, nobody had cried over wanting his forgiveness before, or more like, nobody who he wasn’t about to kill had cried over wanting his forgiveness. It was nice to know he was cared for, even if it was misplaced.

“It’s.. fine. Just don’t do it again”

With that, Tommy nodded vigorously and walked swiftly back over to Wilbur, whispering something to him, leaving Techno with Phil- fuck, no, leaving Techno with the King and the crown.

“I meant it when I said you could hang on to it, just keep it safe and you can do whatever you like with it. Hold it, wear it, anything.”

Eyes wide, Techno looked over to Phil, looking for any trace of a joke. Normally, he’d be ridiculed for any aspects of his heritage showing, let alone having a full few minutes where he couldn’t control his actions, plus he really wasn’t used to being given gifts, normally he’d have to make due with the small chunks of gold he could make from his work but the idea of an entire crown was new to him, he was conflicted, naturally, he wasn’t sure if he needed to be on guard or if he was truly cared for.

“I’m serious. This was our fault, it really is embarrassing for us that we didn’t predict this and give you something you could hold on to. You poor thing, you were probably in a lot of pain trying to protect your image, right?”

Techno just sighed, rubbing his eyes. Because he was tired, he told himself, he wasn’t wiping away anything and he certainly didn’t care that the only person to ever treat him so nicely was the person he had to kill.

“Next time something is bothering you, don’t be afraid to speak up. We’re a family here and now that you’re a knight here you’re a part of that family”

Family.

Phil thought of them as a family.

Techno sighed and nodded, giving in and finally placing his head on Phil’s shoulder.

He supposed he’d just have to commit familicide.

#technoblade #wilbur soot #philza #tommyinnit #sbi #sleepy bois inc #fanfic #fanfiction

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midnightbedroom · 4 years

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Law of Attraction

I don’t know how else to explain it to be honest.

I feel like everything is just falling into its rightful places without having to direct them anywhere. All the firsts, all the experiences, all the love, it felt outrageously insane to feel these types of emotions that I never knew I would ever feel in my life.

It’s safe to say I’m beyond blessed with all the blessings I’ve received so far in my life. I’m thankful for what has been given to me and what is yet to be in store for me. I always like to think of what is there to come rather than focusing on the present. Because once we find ourselves stuck in the now, we forget to treasure everything else coming for us.

Recently, I’ve been doing both: treasuring the future and reminiscing the past.

Presley just had came by from Vegas to see me for the first time, and never has anyone done that for me before. Imagine having someone who’s as dedicated to travel more than two hundred miles to see you. Yeah, that’s him. Scratch that off his Rice Purity Test score. I can’t believe he actually pulled through. Throughout all the complications and obstacles we faced through, it was all worth it after the first hug we shared, which I should say, was completely wholesome. I would never forget the feeling I got from that hug. I was lost, but in the same time, found. He made me feel things that I couldn’t even comprehend myself, which was insane. He let me love, again. I never thought I would find this feeling but with such a deeper meaning into it.

We spent the first night chilling in the old park, warming each other up. I felt so safe in his arms. Right then at that moment, nothing else mattered, just us two. We talked for a while, shared the first puff from the Sour Apple, and just genuinely enjoyed the moment as it lasted. I felt beyond satisfied. I gave him a back massage, and we were just hanging onto each other as if our lives meant on it. Although after a long day, we both managed to get some food from Vallarta’s to eat. I finally shared a box of Christian Fries, and man did that hit differently. It tasted better than it did the few other times I’ve eaten it.

After that share of fries and puff sessions in the bathroom, we decided to go back to the new park, and that’s when we shared our first kiss. What a hungry, careful, obnoxious, and purest moment it was. It was everything. I loved how we read each other’s wavelength so perfectly. No words are needed to be exchanged; we knew exactly how the other felt.

After that long session, he had to leave, but I wasn’t scared or mad. I knew that I was actually going to see him again the next day.

I woke up and got ready for our day. I left with his gifts and settled in the Lyft car. When finally reaching the AirBNB they were staying in, I was actually amazed on how big the place was. It had that vintage feel. I saw him standing on the side of the road, waiting for me. My heart warmed. We drove up to the drive way and I met his family. I was surprised on how openly they welcomed me.

We exchanged gifts inside, but regardless of the amount of gifts he got me, I treasured being with him the most. Just spending some time with him made my entire year. It felt like that was the only missing thing I’ve been trying to pursue.

They took us to a brunch place nearby, and man we ate too little. I felt bad because I didn’t really have an appetite in the morning. Then, we came to a consensus on whether we should stay in or leave to go to LA with his family. We both decided to stay in. And it was the best decision ever.

We did what all couples would do if they’re alone in a house. Cuddle. Hah, gottem. Yeah we did other stuff too, we’ll get there. We shared a glass of wine, and found our way to his bed. And I’ve never felt a bed that comfortable until I laid my body on it next to him. I felt like we’ve connected more than we already have. It was amazing. I knew that feeling couldn’t be reciprocated, so I treasured it as much as I possibly can.

Leading up to that point, we went at it. Like hard. It was fucking mind blowing holy shit. I let him do it twice. T W I C E. Who the fuck??? I’ve never let anyone do that, let alone let them do it twice. It was crazy. Who the fuck am I to let that happen??? But then again, after all that I had no regrets. I enjoyed every moment of it.

I took him to my work and got him a Mango Snowbowl and my two specialty taiyakis: Meat Lover’s and an Oreo S’more. I enjoyed it more than all the times I’ve worked there with free shit. Seeing his reaction in real life and sharing the same food I eat is way different than just showing him how to make it.

And, oh yeah, I destroyed him in pool. Surprising? Yeah, kinda, just a little bit. I didn’t really wanna show off, but I knew my pool ways. I remember trying that geometry shit and the split and that shit was s p i c y. That was my first time pulling dumb shit like that off, and I’m surprised it did pull through. Kinda reminded me of the time when I destroyed Owwen and broke his pride for a while. Good times.

Oh god, don’t remind me. The walk to Michael’s. That bitch took so long. We came all the way from PetCo to Michael’s, and I could NOT fucking do it. I was in my heels too jeez. We got nothing out of it, so we just picked up my stuff and left to go to the park until we said our goodbyes for our early day tomorrow.

And heck, it was early.

Imagine getting up at 5am during break.

I left and packed all my shit up surprisingly that early. I left at six and got to his house around 6:50am. He woke up all of a sudden as I entered his room. I went to cuddle with him, and everything else was just set in place. The moment was perfect. Everything was just so pure. We tried to watch the sunset together, and lead off to going for an early morning session. I wish we could do that everyday if I’m going to be perfectly honest with you.

After it though, he showered and I just fell asleep on his bed countless times. We would always find ourselves cuddling right after, which was heart warming. I love the feeling of being next to him, or just by simply being in his arms. I felt like I was safe and warm without needing to worry about anything at all. I loved it.

We went to go get ramen to my go to place in Tajima, and fuck, again, that shit tasted so much better compared to the times I’ve been there. We walked to Up2You, and regardless of how full we are, we still managed to eat a whole ass loaf of toasted bread. That shit was amazing.

Even if our plans were a bit unorganized, we still got to Balboa and exchanged gifts. That was definitely a moment I can never forget. Being in a place filled with strangers and not giving a fuck about a single thing - that. THAT’s what mean.

I gave him a nightlight jar, a painted treasure box, and a song. He gave me a bracelet with all our inside jokes and words I attempt to use as my comebacks. I can’t believe he actually remembered all this stuff just for me. I’m in complete utter awe.

Although that moment was short, I treasured it a lot. We shared a Bird back and damn was that an experience. Imagine traveling 2 miles in 5 mins, that’s insane. We drove to Fashion Valley and shopped a little, resulting to two matching caps, a beanie, and my first ever black bucket hat.

We somehow found our way to Little Italy and got a black truffle lasagna and Extraordinary Desserts. It was really fulfilling, but not so much to my liking - you’ll understand it later. We walked around, got fooled by a stranger that there’s an ATM down the street, then drove back to the AirBNB.

The ride home, we both passed out on each other, me being the first. I felt like I was just done for the day, but we just settled down and cuddled for a bit then rushed to being a kite. He and I both tried out a new cart, Forbidden Fruit, which will never be used again in my lifetime. When it hit, I was in another universe. I couldn’t feel my body, I could barely even move without putting 50% of my effort. I had no control.

With this sudden highness, I remembered to text my mom, which is honestly THE WORST FUCKING EXPERIENCE EVER. I had to settle my thoughts and say exactly what I wanted to say without sounding stupid, and it took so much out of me. I felt like the entire earth was crushing its weight against me, like damn. I was hyperventilating, and he was just supporting me. When I pressed send, a whole flush of relief just came and collapsed on me, and I felt so fucking tired.

Of course, you already know what came next. That was a whole ass fucking experience. He ripped my jean zippers, and we laughed the fuck out. I was actually so relieved in some way, I knew that was going to happen somehow. We went at it, and I couldn’t stop myself from moaning so fucking loud. He even told me to shut the fuck up three times.

And that’s when I remembered to take my pill.

AAAAAAAAAAAAA

I couldn’t open my eyes to point directly where my bag was and where my pills were. He had to go through everything just to find it. My body was numb, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe prolly, I could’ve just passed out if I wanted to. He finally found it and gave me vitamin water, and yikes that was not a good combo with my current stomach.

I felt all the built up acid churning in my stomach, and before you knew it, I threw up. Jesus the mushrooms and acid from the truffles hhhhhhhhhh.

I just felt so fucking horrible afterwards so I proceed to sleep. lmfao.

Somehow, I found myself on him, naked, cuddled up, holding hands with the sunrise upon us. He woke up next to me, but we still passed out after a awhile. When we actually woke up for real this time, we washed up and took a shower. Yardy know what we did in the shower; something I never done ever for the first time. Shower sex. Imagine cumming inside for the third time but in the shower type beat.

We finished up and packed the rest of our stuff then made our way out.

Then, I knew that it was our few moment actually together, and it kinda already drained me right then. He called my Lyft, and we said our goodbyes. I drove away and watched his frame grow smaller and smaller as the the distance between us grew.

I felt broken.

I never actually been with a guy four days straight in a row, and this shit slapped me real hard. I didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t know what to do either. I felt immensely lost. The Lyft driver��s starting conversations didn’t help as much either.

I wanted to make a separate post of how I actually felt after. But for now, that was my first experience with my future husband.

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got-to-love-a-badboy · 5 years

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Runaway

Dacre/female character fanfic

Chapter one

Flash back

Sarah was pacing the floor of the airport,

"I can't do this Chlo!" The past week final hitting her, "I auditioned for a role I thought I never had a shot at, and now I'm leaving all this....." waving her hands in front of her "..shit show behind. What am I doing!" Her best friend Chloe grabbed her face in her hands "Hey! yes you can! You have to now it's not just you, plus the worst part is over now your free! And don't you ever think you are alone! I'm here with you all the way! And look at Katie! She needs you" Chloe said looking down at the baby.

I'm a wreck Chloe, he ruined me, I used to laugh all the time, you remember me in high school, I was popular, Happy and I had goals, look at me now, a broken mother running off to the other side of the country away from him in hopes of finding myself again" she began sobbing again, "yes, while all that is true this is a fresh start for you and Katie! You go on that set tomorrow and be the old Sarah, you have no baggage now you can be you again, and who knows Atlanta may be the home of a hottie that restores your faith in men!".

Sarah rolled her eyes at her friends comment "thank you so much! I 100% could not have done this without you! ... and as for the hottie, He can wait I'm done with men thank you!".

Sarah picked up her 1 year old daughter in her car seat, Chloe grabbed the bags and they headed for the plane without looking back.

Over the next year the girls settle in the apartment across the hall from the rest of the cast, while Sarah is filming Chloe looks after Katie for her, the whole cast love Katie, she has so many aunt and uncles!.

Sarah feels so happy and blessed to have these people in her and Katie's life, she has come to the realisation that Katie has more of a social life than she has! She is always going on days out with her Aunts and uncles!.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::

Stranger things group chat

:::::::::::::::::::::::::

Sarebear - Sarah

Lowlow-Chloe

Hair - Joe

Charles - Charlie

Gatman - Gaten

Natsprat - Natalie

NoNo - Noah

Wolfie - Finn

Milz - Millie

McCaleb - Caleb

—— season 2 Bitches! ——

Hair- so I decided to make a group seen as you guys weren't going to 😒

Gatman- wow Joe! Give us chance bro!

Milz- yeah JOE!

Sarebear - aww can't you get enough

Of us Joe!

Hair- Hmm I like some of you... not all!, anyway have you all seen the email about new cast members?!

Natsprat- oh yes I have! How exciting we meet them on Saturday! Their number are on the email, il add them!

Hair- yeah take the glory for my group Nat!

Lowlow- Jeez I have missed your dramatic ass Joe!

Hair- Chloe! You missed my ass, how cute 😍

Lowlow- oh Jesus 🙈I walked in to that one huh!?

Sarebear- ha kinda did chlo!

Wolfie- Keery you have no shame man!

NoNo- ^^^

Natsprat added 2 to the group chat

Number 1- Hiii it's Sadie

Number 2- hey guys Dacre here.

Natsprat- hey guys everyone say hi and introduce yourselves!

Sarebear- Hi Guys can't wait

to meet you on Saturday!

Welcome to the group chat!

it's Sarah by the way

Hair- sup guys. Joe Keery here!

Lowlow- hey guys I'm not cast but you will see me everyday, aren't you lucky! I'm chloe!

Gatman- welcome! I'm Gaten !

Wolfie- nice to meet you

I'm Finn

NoNo- hey guys I'm Noah it's nice to meet you!

Milz- hellooo, so exciting! I'm Millie 😊

McCaleb- yo I'm Caleb, exciting to meet u!

Charles- welcome! It's Charlie!

Sarebear changed names to DownUnder and Sadiebaby.

Sarebear- my welcome gift 🎁😘

Sadiebaby- thanks cutie 😘

DownUnder- ha! Thanks doll!

Natsprat- yeah she named us all ...can you tell 😒

So what time you guys in to Atlanta?

DownUnder- I actually land first thing Saturday 5am 😒

SadieBaby- I'm in at lunch time I'm so excited!

Wolfie- We're all excited too.

NoNo- most of us are in late afternoon but Sarah is already in Atlanta so she will meet you when you get in I'm sure.

Sarebear- Yeah just give me a text when you're here!

SadieBaby- where do we all stay?

Natsprat- well we have a huge apartment, the girls have one floor and the guys have the another, then Sarah and Chloe are across the hall in a smaller apartment.

DownUnder- cool, anyway guys I'm going to bed it's mega late here! see you in 2 days!

Charles- shit forgot he's in a totally different time zone!

Natsprat- night guys!

Wolfie- Night!

Hope you all like the first Chapters please let me know if I should post more, I’m currently up to chapter 24 on whattpad

This was actually 2 but posted them as one.

Thank you 🥰

#dacre montgomery #fanfic #stranger things #billy hargrove

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veryangryhedgehog · 6 years

Video

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“Mike Miller’s Second Day”, an Ede Valley story by Hedgehog.

Mike Miller’s second day at St. Adelaide’s School for Gifted Youth opened rather abruptly at approximately 3:30 in the morning. Gradually, a series of bumps and scraping noises jostled him awake. Not that he’d been really that asleep anyway, strange bed and all. Was someone trying to break in? If so, they were being awfully loud about it.

After a minute he rolled out of the small bed, and approached the door. Mike didn’t have anything to defend himself, but he played soccer. He could just kick them. That’s how it worked, right? To his still half-asleep mind, anything was possible.

Mike opened the door an inch and peeked outside. There was someone in the room, fumbling with Doug’s door. He almost went in to tackle the intruder, but as his eyes adjusted to the dark he caught the faint glow of white hair. It was Doug who was trying to break into Doug’s room. Wait. That wasn’t right. Mike blinked, trying to wake himself up more.

“...and herd. Seems to make it all just a little bit...” Doug mumbled to himself, fumbling with his key.

“Doug?” Mike asked, opening his door a little more.

Doug turned slowly, the mere quarter revolution almost seeming to make him dizzy. He blinked several times. “Oh, hey Mike,” his words slurred a little. “I... forgot you were here.”

Frowning, Mike took a step towards his roommate. “Dude, are you high?”

“What?” Doug leaned back dramatically, and almost fell over. “No, no. nononono. I’ve just had a rather... shocking evening.” He paused, as if he had just now processed the words that had come out of his mouth. “‘Shocking evening,’ that’s a good one.”

“Are you... sure you’re okay?” Mike asked. He certainly didn’t look okay.

“Oh, yeah.” Doug nodded lazily as he finally managed to get his key into the hole on the doorknob. “‘S nothing I ain’t used to.” The door opened, and Doug almost fell into the room. “Good night.”

Mike bit his lip as Doug’s door closed again. That, to say the least, was weird. He hadn’t really seemed drunk or high. That was... something else. But he shook himself. What Doug got up to was really none of Mike’s business. He was older than him anyway. Mike was concerned, but there was nothing he could do about it right now at 3:30 in the morning. He went back into his room, plopped down on the tiny, hard bed, and tried to go back to sleep.

He maybe got another hour or so of shut-eye before his alarm woke him at seven. Mike had never been able to sleep well in new places, but knowing this didn’t make getting up any easier. Breakfast wasn’t until eight, but Mike wanted to give himself extra time to make sure he wasn’t late. He didn’t need it, because fifteen minutes later, Mike found himself all ready with a lot of time to kill. Eventually he decided to take a walk in order to shake off the weirdness of this morning.

Briefly, Mike considered asking Doug to go with him, but he found his door shut with the light off. He decided that it would probably be best to let him work off whatever he was on earlier. So he passed by Doug’s room and went out into the hallway.

It was cloudy and dark out, he could tell right away from the lack of light in the common room ahead of him. What lovely weather for his first day of class. The common room seemed devoid of life, at least to the point when he reached the stairs. Just then, Jilli unpeeled herself from the shadows in the corner and smiled, waving.

“Good morning, Mi-kun,” her grin widened as an exasperated look crossed Mike’s face. “You’re up early.”

“I don’t sleep well in new places,” he said, a little lamely. “I could say the same for you.”

“I don’t sleep well period.” She laughed, a little bitterly. “Comes from years of 5AM rehearsals, I guess.”

Mike’s eyes widened. “Were they really that early? I mean, I’ve heard some stuff about the idol industry, but that just seems too crazy.”

“No, it’s true. When you’re an idol, you have to live and breathe your work,” she explained. “You start to feel like a singing robot, or a certain voice synthesizer.” They both chuckled a little at that. “And sometimes it gets a little... claustrophobic.”

“How so?”

“Well, the managers and agents can be a little overbearing,” Jilli made a strange face. “Our image is controlled even more so than a lot of pop singers over here. We can’t even have boyfriends. Of course, most of us did anyway, but the pressure and paranoia tend to get to you after a while. I remember a lot of girls having really nasty breakups when their managers found out, or when they couldn’t take the secrecy anymore.”

Shaking his head, Mike’s eyebrows knitted together. “Jeez,” he said. “Sounds really depressing.”

“It is,” she admitted. “But you know, I do really miss it. The singing, I mean, and the performance. I was just about to graduate before my, uh, incident. If I’d been able to hang in just a little longer, I might have been able to become a solo artist.”

“You still could.” Mike smiled. “I haven’t heard you sing, but I’m sure a lot of people would want to hear it.”

Jilli laughed, though there was a hint of sadness behind it. “You’re a sweet kid, Mi-kun,” she patted him on the head. “But, enough about me. It’s almost time for breakfast. Have you seen Doug?” She noticed Mike’s sudden frown immediately.

“He was... out really late last night and, uh, came in a little messed up,” Mike confessed. “I thought it was probably best to just leave him alone.”

“Good call,” Jilli nodded. “It was most likely one of his sessions.”

“Sessions?”

She grimaced. “Yeah, there’s an on-site staff of psychiatrists here.” She paused momentarily as Mike’s face twisted in confusion. “Rich kid school,” was the only explanation she needed to give. “Only the best for our screwy little brains.”

But Mike was still concerned. “So, Doug...”

“I mean, he’s Doug,” she shrugged. “I don’t know, I’ve never noticed anything explicitly ‘wrong’ with him. But who knows. All I know is that every once in a while, those creepy people in white lab coats come to take him away, and he comes back all fucked up. He’s always back to his annoying self soon enough though.” Jilli tried to appear nonplussed, but Mike could tell that she was worried.

“What can we do to help?”

“Pff, hell if I know,” she said with a hint of frustration. “He never talks about it. Believe me, we’ve all asked. Victor, Sonia, you name it, not a word.” Jilli shook her head. “But if he really needs help, he’ll come to us. Anyway, should we get going? Sometimes they give out donuts to the early kids.”

Unfortunately, there were no donuts on this particular morning, just a large, drab room with many tables of assorted sizes scattered around its area. Metal beams stretched across the high ceiling, casting unnatural half-shadows on the tile floor. The cafeteria was about a third of the way full of students milling about or eating an early breakfast.

From somewhere in the quiet crowd, Sonia stood and waved to the two of them, and Mike followed Jilli over to a round table in a small, out of the way corner. “Good morning, Jilli, Mike,” Sonia beamed. “Is beautiful day, da?” Ah, so that’s where the sun went. Sonia had stolen it all from the sky.

“Beautiful?” Mike glanced out the long, thin windows to the vaguely miserable skyline. “I don’t know about that, but whatever you...” He broke off as he turned back to see that Sonia was no longer looking at him. Instead, her gaze was drifting away towards an empty corner, her eyes glassy, as if trying to see something she couldn’t quite make out. “Uh, Sonia? Are you—?”

“It’s alright, she does that sometimes.” Jilli waved it off. “We told you about it yesterday, didn’t we?”

Mike nodded, remembering. “That’s right, you did. Is she gonna be okay?”

“She’ll be fine,” rumbled a deep voice as Gil came up behind them. He put his hands on her shoulders. “Sonia?” He whispered, and her eyes fluttered a bit as she focused again.

“Oh, Gil,” she smiled again. “Good morning. I apologize,” Sonia bowed her head towards Mike and Jilli. “I was just, uh...” she looked confused herself. “Never mind.”

“Clearly, it was a spirit attempting to contact you from beyond the mortal realm.” Gil said sagely, placing himself in the chair next to her with that smooth, nearly catlike way which he did most things. “You must remember that you are most sensitive to these things, my lady. I will do some research in my Tomes of Knowledge and we shall see if we can communicate with it.”

“You really think it’s possible?” Sonia’s eyes widened. “Ooo, I can’t wait! I am wondering what kind of spirit it is? Perhaps a Viking! Great warrior with magic sword!”

Gil nodded. “Indeed. The possibilities are endless.”

Mike couldn’t help noticing how his smile fell half an inch, but at that moment, Jilli turned to him, raising an eyebrow, and they laughed silently as Gil and Sonia kept up their dialogue.

One by one, they went to get breakfast, and Mike couldn’t help noticing the gathering of faceless men and women in lab coats that were surrounding the perimeter of the room. They must have been the psychiatrists that Jilli was talking about. By the time the cafeteria was mostly full, there must have been a good ten to fifteen of them. Mike didn’t like it; they gave him the heebie-jeebies. But none of the others seemed particularly disturbed by their presence, so he tried to ignore the growing feeling of unease in his gut.

Just as Jilli got back to the table with a plateful of fruit and waffles, one of the psychiatrists moved to the platform on the far side of the room. The students quickly fell silent, so much so that you could have heard a pin drop. “And now,” the psychiatrist said, “a word from the Director.”

There was a crackle, and a burst of static that reverberated around the room. Mike looked up to follow the noise, and saw for the first time the speakers perched in the upper corners of the room. A strange noise came through suddenly, like someone clearing their throat, but he couldn’t quite tell because it sounded so distorted.

“Good morning, students. The new semester is here at last.” The voice boomed across the room, altered by static and modulation, but decidedly female. Probably something about its tone and inflections, Mike decided. “To those now joining us, welcome to St. Adelaide’s. To those old faces, welcome back to your home away from home.”

Jilli scoffed, and even Gil rolled his eyes. Sonia, on the other hand, had zoned out again.

Mike didn’t like this. The voice sounded pleasant enough, but there was something about it, something Mike couldn’t quite put his finger on. There were shivers running up and down his spine.

“Remember that you are all the most gifted students in the country, possibly the world, and we look to you all as the hope of the future. And it anyone has any concerns, questions, or snide remarks, feel free to talk to the friendly men and women in lab coats. They are here to help.”

The Director continued on for a few minutes, mentioning a few other events and announcements relevant to the student body at large, before finally wrapping up her address. “Thank you as always for your patience,” she said, “and enjoy your first day of the new semester.”

With another small crackle, the speakers fell silent, and gradually the students began to converse once more. “Well,” Mike muttered, “that wasn’t ominous at all.”

Jilli and Sonia both began to laugh. “Do not worry,” Sonia reassured him. “You will become used to it after a while.”

“I’m not sure I want to.” He frowned. “It all seems a little ‘Big Brother’ to me.”

“What sort of daemonic older brother do you have?” Gil asked, looking horrified.

Jilli sighed. “1984, Gil.”

He blinked. “Ah, yes. Of course. My apologies.”

The four continued talking as they ate breakfast, which if Mike was honest, was not very good. The texture of Aunt Marma’s Totally Genuine Maple Syrup™ stuck to the roof of his mouth. Finally, Jilli looked up at the clock and saw the time.

“Well,” she stretched, “first period begins soon. What’ve you got, Mike?”

“Uh...” he pulled out the slightly crumpled piece of paper from his pocket which had his schedule. “Ugh, Algebra II.”

“What instructor have you been assigned to?” Gil asked.

“Vantas,” Mike added after looking back at the paper.

Gil nodded, a determined expression settling into his pale features. “Then this is a battle we share, my friend. If you would have it, I would accompany you to our battlefield.”

As he blinked, Mike wasn’t sure he’d gotten a word of that. “Uh...”

“He has the same class,” Sonia translated. “He wants to know if you want to walk there together.”

“Thank you, my lady.” Gil bowed his head as he took her hand. “That was my question exactly.”

“Oh, um, sure! Thanks.”

Jilli stood, grabbing her trey. “Well, Sonia and I are off to choir, see you losers later.” She waved. “Oh, and Mike, tell Doug hi for me if you see him, yeah?”

“Will do,” he nodded, standing as well.

“You coming, Sonia?”

“I will catch up with you in few,” she smiled, before beginning to zone out again.

Gil’s gaze seemed to linger on her for a moment before he shook himself. “Come, young apprentice,” he said to Mike, his coat swishing dramatically as he began to walk. “The battle of mathematics awaits us.”

Mike would have probably gotten lost in the crowd had it not been for the fact that Gil stood out like a sore thumb. Students seemed to give him space wherever he walked. He didn’t seem to mind. Gradually, as the crowd broke away into the various directions of their classes, Mike was able to hear himself think again. Gil was silent a few steps ahead of him, seemingly lost in thought. Mike wondered just what went on in his head. He seemed like a really smart guy, so why did he persist in his delusions? Did he honestly believe that he was a warlock with infinite power? Or was there some other reason? Mike didn’t think he had the guts to outright ask him.

“So, Sonia,” he asked instead. That was what guys talked about, right? “Are you two—?”

“Our love transcends time and space,” he intoned. “I have loved her for four-thousand years, and I will love her for four-thousand more.”

“So, it’s complicated, huh?” Mike didn’t know what to say to this guy. He felt like he was stuck in the middle of a role-playing game with method actors.

There was almost no one in the hallway anymore, and Mike was sure he’d seen that motivational cat poster just a second ago. This place was like a maze. “Hey Gil,” he asked. “Are you sure we’re going the right...?”

Gil looked to the left and the right, then abruptly turned on his heel to face Mike. “A warning for you, Michael Miller.” His golden eye almost seemed to freeze Mike in place. “Your wariness of this place is not unwarranted. Don’t ignore your intuition. It may just save your life.” He wasn’t joking. “There are forces at work in this school that will attempt to pull your very being apart. I’ve been affected by it, Sonia, that ignoramus you call a roommate, all of us have. If I were you, I’d watch where you step.” It was not a threat, more like a warning. Gil seemed genuinely worried. And for a moment, Mike thought that he might actually understand what he was trying to say.

But the second passed as quickly as it came, and Gild grinned knowingly once more. “Now, on to slay this dragon built of overly complicated equations.” He started walking again, laughing manically, and after hesitating for a moment, Mike followed him.

Needless to say, he didn’t pay any attention during class that day as teachers handed out syllabi and repeated the same information over and over until Mike thought he’d never forget that three absences equaled a tardy. But he had too many questions running through his mind to care about any of that. He had had this lingering feeling that something was strange here, off even, except that everyone around him seemed so used to it that he thought he might be the weird one. “Don’t ignore your intuition,” Gill had told him.

But wait, why was he listening to Gil? He was delusional! It was probably just one of his wizard roleplaying things again. Yet something about what he’d said, the look in his eyes, the sincerity of his words. Gil had known what he was talking about. That hadn’t been some sort of weird fantasy metaphor, Mike could somehow tell. He was right, something was wrong here, Mike could feel it. And he thought the others could too, even if they didn’t talk about it.

There were so many mysteries, so many questions left unanswered. Mike decided to make a list. That would help him organize his thoughts.

1). Who was the Director? Yes, she was a crazy, modulated voice over a speaker system, but why? Why bother hiding her face and voice from the student body? It certainly made her intimidating and slightly creepy, but wasn’t enough of a reason by itself.

2). The psychiatrists. He didn’t know of any other school that needed ten of them. And the explanation of “rich kid school” simply didn’t cut it. To be honest, they seemed more like a security force than a group of doctors.

3). Why was everyone here so weird? Not just in their personalities, though the school was nearly stranger than a superhero’s rogue’s gallery in that respect. But more so in the way everyone seemed so nonplussed about all of these other questions Mike had. They didn’t care about the psychiatrists, or the Director, or the other host of strange things. Or maybe they were just really good at hiding it. And finally,

4). Doug. What the hell were they doing to him in his “sessions” that made him act like that? He’d hardly been able to walk properly. In addition, though he hadn’t really known him for that long, it seemed entirely out of Doug’s character to not talk to anybody about it. Most importantly, why was everyone not harassing him about it non-stop until he gave in and told them what was going on? That was the only way that they could help him, after all.

Maybe these questions wouldn’t be so confusing after he’d been here for a few months, but to be honest, he didn’t want to become numb to the strangeness like everyone else. He couldn’t handle not knowing these things. And if no one was going to help him, then he guessed that he’d just have to find the answers himself.

Of all the questions he had, one stuck out as the easiest to answer: Doug. He also had the distinct feeling that if he answered this one question, then all the others would begin to fall into place. Like dominos.

The rest of the day passed slower than paint drying, all of the thoughts and confusion cycling through his mind every time he saw a lab coat pass, especially whenever the students turned away from them. Finally, classes were done for the day, the final bell rang, and according to his schedule there was an hour before dinner. So Mike headed back across the snowy path to the dorm. Maybe Doug would be feeling better by now. Either way he needed to drop off his backpack, which was as good an excuse as any.

The light was on in the room, Mike could see it in the wide gap in the bottom of the door from the end of the hallway. At the very least, Doug was up. Mike didn’t know if he had known him for long enough to just knock on his door, but he ended up being lucky. When he pushed open the heavy door, Mike turned to see Doug at the bathroom mirror, trying in vain to smooth down his hair. He hadn’t noticed this morning in the dark, but now Mike saw that Doug’s hair was now even more static-y and gravity-defying than it had been yesterday. His sweatshirt sleeves were pulled up to prevent them getting wet, and Mike couldn’t help noticing a strange, metallic bracelet on his right wrist as it caught the bathroom light.

“Oh, hey Mike,” Doug grinned lazily as he saw him though the mirror. His speech was still a little slow, but he seemed much more normal now. Or at least, normal for Doug anyway. “How was your first day of class? Want to jump off a bridge yet?”

He didn’t even know, but Mike decided not to open that can of worms just yet. Maybe just peek inside the lid. “Almost,” he nodded instead. “Maybe give it another day.” Alright, now was the time. “Hey, so what happened last night? You were in really late.”

Doug paused for a second, before rolling his sleeves back down and turning to properly face Mike. “I’m sure the others told you about my ‘sessions’ right? Jilli, I’m guessing.”

“Two for two.” Mike nodded.

Sighing, Doug shook his head. “Listen,” he began, “the last guy I told even a little about what really goes on in this place, he disappeared. Just gone from the dorm one day and never came back. I don’t want that to happen to you, or any of the others. The only reason I’m even telling you this much is because I know you’ll just keep asking about it if I don’t. You’re that kinda guy, right?”

Mike looked down sheepishly. There went his whole plan down the toilet. “That makes three. But if you tell us, maybe we can help you.”

Much to his surprise, Doug started laughing. Whatever the joke was, Mike didn’t get it. “Your optimism is admirable,” Doug admitted. “But in this case, optimism alone won’t cut it. If I tell you not to go asking questions you’ll probably just do it anyway, so I’ll say this instead: keep your head down, Mike. That’s the only way you’ll get out of this place alive.”

He began to scoot past him towards the door. “Now, I hear that Jilli and the nerds are playing a rousing game of Dungeons and Dragons. So I’m gonna go crash it. If you want to come along, first one in gets to make the wizard cry.”

As he watched Doug wheel himself out of the room, Mike hesitated. That was the second vague warning he’d received today, and Mike wasn’t sure whose advice to follow. Doug told him to keep his head down, but Gil had told him to trust his intuition, which in turn was telling him to start asking questions and solving mysteries.

As much as Doug warned him against it, Mike really wanted to help him, and part of him couldn’t ignore the weirdness of this place. So, okay, he guessed he’d step carefully, but that didn’t mean he had to stop asking questions.

“Yeah,” he grinned at Doug, who was waiting in the doorway. “Let’s do it. I’ve always wanted to make a paladin fall.”

#Ede Valley #Mike Miller #Jilli Nakjima #Sonia Valentina Borozovna #Gil Trenton #The Director #Doug Bailey #'Heelies for his feelies' still gets me every time I think about it #btw the song Doug's always singing is The Scene and Herd by Relient K #It's really good #and may possibly have spoilers

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elizabethrobertajones · 6 years

Text

13x07 Watching Notes

Should probably not have multiple scenarios where I snark out loud and then the very next line of dialogue is that snark but innocently delivered.

Heyooo it’s not our Christmas cliffhanger though!

Expectations: It has literally just occurred to me right now sitting down to type out my expectations that this season's *entire* main plot so far has been "the spawn of satan is cuter than we expected".

I'm still trying to wrangle the idea of how you get hours of Buckleming plot twists and slow exposition out of this, although introducing 18 different angles for them to tackle the problem and returning us to the AU world is a good start to have at least 4 plot threads going and hey I feel like this episode is supposed to be a breather for having too many Jack episodes in a row which makes it even funnier that they're gonna have to deal with the absence of something but who knows maybe he will show up before episode 9. If not they may genuinely be tricked into considering narrative negative space in some form or another, at least by the actual omission of Jack from the episode, despite the fact it has to be about him.

There's like at least 3 individual ways each arc might go terribly, and I'm typing this as pre-yoga thoughts while trying to do my NaNoWriMo and I watched Brooklyn 99 already this morning, and essentially I'm pretty much just bracing against "Oh god this new sleep pattern is the worst and it has ruined nearly every episode this season for me" migraines. So I'm just gonna be super chill because the stress of this ridiculous bed at 8pm awake at 5am thing is killing me without bad writing on my favourite show.

So, instead of modelling a worst case scenario, here's a best case one: it's crowded, the pacing is bad, there's some bizarre lines of dialogue and no room for any character interaction and the sneak peek already showed us the sum total of Destiel interaction but in hindsight with the rest of the episode that's actually a plus, and aside from that there's no rape or catastrophic bad decisions or characterisation that just makes our guys look like idiots because the villains aren't that smart and they're still outwitting them or something. Cas wasn't even mentioned in the episode description if I recall and I would like to think that is because he gets Buckleminged in the way where they forget he exists so he's in 2 scenes and just kinda stops at some point and that's the last we hear of him for a few episodes but at least nothing happened to him :P

(It HELPS that the bad decision of the year seems like it should be Jack and Kaia ganging up in 13x09 and this is just a plot filler episode where they can't blow everything up from sheer incompetence, since the main plot is still Jack, and all Buckleming can do is escalate stuff but not so much we find Jack, so they're mostly running free with Lucifer, Michael and Asmodeus on the playground they've been permitted to keep them distracted. On the other hand, that does not lend itself towards 'storytelling structure' whatsoever. So I may derive some fun from mentally re-writing this episode as it goes as well.)

Hi I'm back and I have tea and preemptive paracetamol and look I not do crap like this lightly but the only thing wrong with me is sleep and yoga but glug glug glug down the hatch, I'm not fucking around, migraine. I swear to god if I even see a HINT of you...

I should also mention that my only prep for this episode was watching Tall Tales last night with my mum because we're lightly re-watching season 2 and I thought you know what look how far that fucker has come that he's just one of the show's regular directors now or something. I forgot that completely this morning so I'm amending my expectations (it WAS annoyingly early in the day) to add that Speight hasn't directed a Buckleming yet but I'm interested to see how he handles it.

The episode starts with Mary cheerfully punching Lucifer at least 3 times in the face. I am still extremely proud of her for doing that but overall disappointed that it's led to her banishment to be a Buckleming character this season, which has been a fast way to ruin characters.

We get the entire first minute of the recap in Buckleming POV, aka they write the corny villains - and specifically a lot of Asmodeus point of view, his summary of the situation and what needs doing, having graciously inherited this throne, and comments on where Lucifer is as a sort of trailing off, well that's not my concern if he's gone. Only at the minute mark does the recap flip around to something genuinely ABOUT Jack as we've been seeing him, rather than trying to sell Jack as woooo Lucifer's scaaary son. Suddenly Jack's own identity crisis and him leaving.

Maybe it's just because they were trimming for time, but they cut the "all of you" from "I know I'm going to hurt you" but they also left the focus on Sam. I am mostly amused that by removing the clarification - which has been a theme of the season - it reduces that moment to a bare minimum surface layer, as if to say bye bye writing depth hello random action.

I had a burgeoning theory last year from one episode or another that pretty much everyone is lampooning Buckleming while letting them get on with writing their stuff, and trying to run loops around them in basically any other way.

There was something going on on screen involving a lot of stock footage while I was digging around in my bag looking for my 3DS assuming this was gonna be a Lucifer scene. I still think they're softening him up to kill him, but that's something I have to hope. One of the other non-redemption options is that they need to make him at least halfway manageable if he is gonna end up working with Cas or something. There is something vaguely appropriate matching Buckleming dialogue to Lucifer melodramatics, but unfortunately I really can't give these writers or that character much of a chance so while I'm happy to let them take him to play with over on their bit of the story like a chew toy to keep them off the stuff I like, it is annoying this is all the canon of the show I like >.>

One or the other of Buckleming really really dislikes God and organised religion though, and that does often lend the interesting thing to an episode where for some reason as soon as religion is involved the writing actually gets halfway decent.

One thing Lucifer says that catches my interest is his idea the universe is written without irony, when tbh that has literally been his downfall in season 5, and in general the universe is ironic to the WINCHESTERS to whom the universe is actually happening to, and there's the whole Dean is the centre of the universe thing, and THEN there's Billie's line about how sometimes the universe is poetic, coupled with how Dean got Cas back entirely through dramatic irony. I can't remember if Chuck commented on dramatic irony. Anyway Lucifer sucks, the story doesn't happen to him and he doesn't have the resources to read it. Metatron *thrived* on that sort of thing.

I like the visual of Michael standing with the sun behind him - it gives him absolutely the divine look he'd love to have, and I just wish he didn't have randomly shirtless Lucifer taking up some of that visual. If someone doesn't make a gifset chopping Lucifer out to just enjoy that image, I will make one, perhaps.

Something else to enjoy about this: they locked Mark P in some sort of medieval torture device and no matter how comfy you try and make it, there's obvious limits to that, so I will enjoy that he had to do that.

Michael sees that Lucifer is scared of being locked up and caged, which actually is... accidentally or not... a pretty clever callback, although it wouldn't have killed them to have Michael deduce this on screen, because in 9x18 Dean - Michael's vessel - deduces that Gadreel - a blatant Lucifer parallel in many respects while obviously not in many many others - is terrified of being caged again.

Of course that exchange is one of the single most fascinatingly well-acted exchanges of the entire show which on my umpteenth viewing still knocks me completely flat so it's not a FAIR comparison, but it is an interesting one.

I like that Michael think that the main universe is already paradise - in comparison to his shithole, definitely, because it still has pretty stock footage. Thematically interesting since obviously paradise is a bit of an issue with what people want...

LOL Wanek's ridiculous "concrete bunker" set... The camera pulls back and there's a massive Jesus on the wall and Lucifer's hanging behind him screeching and it's like... That is an inanimate lump of wood and I can see it rolling its eyes at you.

In the earlier moments out here in the AU we saw the church from 8x23 poking up out of the rubble, and whether this is the same one or not NOW, because I think it was a bit too buried to be this one, it conjures the memory of 8x23, and that one was interesting specifically because Jesus wasn't there - the cross had only his hands and feet remaining and the rest had been torn down. Sam was inserted into that empty space because he was doing the big heroic world-saving sacrifice that from one direction of pure irony the episode was named after (since he decided not to do it/the real motives for his sacrifice were way more interesting than him going through with it heroically anyway etc) but it was another Sam and Jesus moment, like in 5x22 where he more straight-forwardly sacrificed himself.

(And jeeze you watch one episode with the guy and now I can't get him out of my head - remembering in 9x18 Gabriel snarking about how he died for their sins and then making one of the few Jesus references on the show. Jesus is usually extremely absent from this show, so actually having him on screen is very interesting)

Anyway I am pretty sure this is almost entirely to remind Lucifer what a great big fucking drama queen he is being about this all and of course he's sacrificing for nothing.

Blah blah promo scene.

They have the photo of Jack from Mia's security camera which means no one has snapped a cute picture of him on their phone yet, Cas included. Disappointing.

Now, I'm pretty hesitant to get into characterisation in BL episodes, and Dean just generically wryly comments on how powerful Jack is which could mean anything but Sam then says he might be covering his tracks and then Cas, who has to be written sympathetic to Jack, comes through the door saying that it could mean Jack is in trouble with the various forces that want to control him. Sam's comment coupled with Cas's interruption seems to make it much more likely that Sam's comment is to be taken as vaguely unnerved/suspicious of what Jack can do, and that he's doing things like that Dean implies. That Jack learned so fast he might be able to cause a fair amount of destruction but conceal it from them and if they're trying to track him, Sam is expecting destruction.

Dean also came from the kitchen with coffees so why is Cas coming from the back of the Bunker... I'm gonna have to assume he was until just now lounging around in Dean's bed and Dean was like I better go get coffee and help Sam and Cas was like yeah but thanks for the 'sorry your son ran away' sex i feel a lot better and Dean was like no problem babe, and probably gave Cas one of those ridiculous shoulder nudges in the most no homo way ever before he got up to find where they threw his underwear an hour earlier, and Cas just kinda chilled while Dean was getting the coffee so as not to be suspicious by piling in on Sam after taking the exact same length break from the search but then they fucked it up and still managed to enter the scene within 30 seconds of each other.

Yeah, that's probably it.

I just saw the list of guest stars wander by and took 3 emergency gulps of my tea at that combo of Osric and for some reason DHJ because file that under genuinely unexpected :P

PS: I know we knew Kevin would be back this year but the fact I managed to find Kevin thematic stuff in the last 2 episodes in a row still feels important to me as storytelling rather than foreshadowing.

Anyway Cas tries to tell Dean the angels don't like him, and Dean volunteering to go with him because "i could go with you" is a thing and they keep doing it to each other and ow

Blah blah we could work a case. Are you serious? I really seriously hope this is not literally Buckleming's thought process about wtf do we do with Sam and Dean this episode after establishing maybe 4-5 other plotlines we need to handle away from them. I hope it turns out to be directly main plot related, whatever they stumble on, but we already now have them in a position where any involvement with the main stuff will be them stumbling on it or it coming to them. See above: ways in which the main characters are automatically made to be stupid. Subtle things, like not being able to imagine a way in which Sam and Dean are resourceful enough to even start to find Jack which doesn't involve googling things.

I mean we have no clue what you're doing with this random witch seeming case, why can't you bring a detail foreward if it's from the main plot to give us a clue. And if it's not, tell us something connected to it which will at least make Sam and Dean interested in it as a lead? Even if they're not right about why, put them on the trail because they're good at their jobs!

Anyway hi Asmodeus? As soon as we clear the promo scene etc I start assuming everyone is Asmodeus

I mean, in this case it literally is. but you can't trust anyone these days.

He needs to have his equivalent scene to sitting around in the Bunker googling, which, which is to say, the same type of minions who brought Crowley or Lucifer news are now coming toadying in to tell Asmodeus news, and the only difference is his name is harder to spell.

He's trying to do the same thing reaching out to Jack that we saw Lucifer trying to do last season, to Dagon. There is always the possibility that Asmodeus just isn't powerful enough to get into Jack's head from this extreme range when he has no idea where he is. Loser.

This minion seems to be mistakenly labelling Jack as "the Jack", maybe not as a mark of respect but more misunderstanding what he is, that he's not a thing, that that's his name...

Asmodeus asks who's protecting Jack, and cut to the image of Jesus again. I don't know about him, but tbh it could just be that Jack is protecting HIMSELF and they've massive underestimated him to do that. Jesus on this show represents a lot more of the personal autonomy saving yourself thing.

Also hey as long as we're not seeing Jack, we're getting that gosh darned hole in the narrative that he represents while he's missing. Is this actually a lesson in subtlety?

Michael meanwhile is enjoying tormenting Lucifer some more because blah blah sole purpose in life and what do you even do when you win.

Lucifer appears to have claimed to be a god in the SPN verse and Michael's like, here you're pathetic, and I'm like, mate, he was pretty pathetic in the main SPN universe too

There's some cool crosses on the walls which are trying to help, bringing light into this church.

Yeah where is Mary anyway - I wasn't gonna ask, but then Lucifer seemed to imply that Michael was keeping her around.

I mean sheesh the easiest way to get Mary around is to just have her in the scene still lurking but then film it as if it's almost entirely from her eyeballs POV if she doesn't have anything else to be doing right now - having her witnessing this theatre as the person from the main SPN world who's come over here.

KEV

Awwww he's gone a wee bit off the rails in this world, seeing as he'd have had to be helping Michael and reading tablets the entire time and also the entire world appears to be destroyed.

I don't know why Lucifer's having a personal reaction to Kevin unless I totally forgot something but they were literally never in the same seasons as each other although weirdly both in 11x21 so obviously must just be angels would know all the prophetsand which one was currently active... Maybe he's just surprised that in the AU Kevin survived even longer than he did in the supposedly better world.

Well there aren't any Winchesters in this one and Lucifer always underestimates them, in this case positively re: likelihood of getting Kevin killed :P

Oh great they're powering down Lucifer a bit. Well that should make him much more irritating.

I mean mostly because everything makes him irritating.

But it means the show wants him around some more but they can't have him at full power because it's just inconvenient so now they're finding a reason to water him down so they can have him around dragging his heels and complaining. I suppose it might make some comparisons to Cas, who's on a smidgen of left-over grace, but again, see also: eye rolling wooden Jesus, there's no way you can redeem Lucifer and not by comparing him to Cas.

Metatron got some sort of treatment but he was nowhere near like Cas even when he was done being redeemed and he still had to be killed off doing a heroic thing rather than let him stick around.

I'm just grinding my teeth and I already got part of the way through the next scene but UGH

So hey thinking of random versions of other characters why is DHJ's magnificent facial hair making a cameo return role on this side of the interdimensional nosense? You can't just grow a beard and start hunting witches on the down low on the winchesters' turf.

I'm assuming including DHJ's names in the credits was specifically some sort of nonsense now

specifically monsters going around looking like other things.

Maybe it was a shapeshifter Ketch punched a few weeks ago. It's only been a few weeks since he died, you know.

Maybe it's Asmodeus.

Maybe it's maybelline

The plot reason for the beard had better be hilarious.

I like Daniella the Beret Witch. For some reason I thought she looked tons like the witch Sam and Dean were looking at on the CCTV but when I went back to look I actually spotted her in the background watching them and waiting to make her move, and she doesn't look like the one on the CCTV at all so I guess my brain clocked her and filed her away because she was sitting around in a huge scarf, sunglasses and a beret and my brain didn't want me to not pay attention to her in case she was useful.

Kevin's weirdly pristine but still grey hoodie is making me giggle. He looks like the AU has barely touched him and Michael's even dirty and ragged.

I'm not sure I even want to touch random morality discussions from Buckleming. Lucifer says Michael is pure evil, Kevin says "aren't you Satan?" and Lucifer really hasn't done anything ever to make us actually want to root for him. Like sure Michael is the much worse bigger bad in the show's rankings but that doesn't make Lucifer less quanitifiably evil. Michael's way more complex because Lucifer is the big cartoon evil that Sam had to originally fear, the "what if I am actually evil" character mirror that obviously Sam isn't but it meant Lucifer needed no character complexity other than whiny manipulative interpretations of how he'd been mistreated where he could protest he had a side. Michael is waaaay more complex just in the like 2 episodes he actually talks in season 5 because he's "what if Dean was the big bad" and he's not evil, he's just 100% black and white morality rigid "good" in the sense of punishing evil, to the point of not questioning an order to kill his brother, and not even having a particularly "cool motive still murder" approach like Cain, but literally just like well okay then I guess I will kill my brother. How to make DEAN evil, or to personify the darkness that lives in him.

I mean I am massively simplifying but dear lord Buckleming if you read my notes this is the baseline direction you need to be writing these characters from and I am trying to HELP.

I am genuinely feeling like you're mistaking "apparent fan favourite because they make a lot of memes about him, Lucifer" as "this must mean people genuinely like him because he's Lucifer" and any possible reason I would find him interesting as a villain who was held up to just kinda exist and be himself doing his awful things contrasted to Michael who was just around existing and doing his awful things, is all just draining away down the toilet. Like you've got Lucifer lodged in there and you're flushing and flushing around him >.>

Anyway I'm going to take this entire scene as 100x more ironic than it was probably originally intended to be, that Kevin is not exactly right about Michael (and lol, Michael being the Dean parallel just kinda using Kevin all the time for random spells and always having him on the hook for doing things for them) but he's sure not wrong about Lucifer, Lucifer protesting Michael is evil because he's mistreating him and has destroyed this planet sure isn't WRONG but it's not a "so therefore I must be right"

And I kind of think the level of subtlety this writing is at is that "Michael is a dick and therefore Lucifer looks better in comparison"

But that's not how any of this works

*insert Jesus eyeroll*

*pats poor overworked manic AU!Kevin's hair*

I wonder if he's actually going to be able to do it

it would be HILARIOUS if they waste Lucifer's grace on this

Hey he did it, I'm proud of you AU!Kev. He always manages to do the thing :P

Okay not good that Lucifer has just been thrown back because A: Mary is still trapped over there, I assume for the much more important emotional arc stuff to do with rescuing her especially in the parallel to getting Cas back and all this stuff for Sam's arc and all

But UGH the writing of Lucifer is just really annoying me on so many levels and punting him back into the main SPN universe depowered and humbled by his brother, just annoys me so much.

Like I don't know how much more less enthused I have to be about Lucifer having struggles.

Boo hoo

Last season Dean got mistaken for homeless after he got hit with the memory spell, and was offered cash to make him go away.

he handled it considerably better than Lucifer.

I am just gonna assume this random woman is Asmodeus.

Lucifer probably ought to go grab that cash he was offered...

Oh wait here's Asmodeus, torturing some poor bloke called Karl who apparently works at the motel from last week.

I'm impressed they managed to track Jack that far, tbh

The question is, is there an actual memo that the Winchesters are camped in an old, heavily warded, impossible to map or locate MoL bunker, or is that something you only find out after you tail them for a bit? I mean Jack might not be there any more either but it would be a start :P

I feel extra skeevy about this scene because Asmodeus is being a total moron for starters by not checking Karl's level of clued in to this, and so he's this white plantation owner coded guy in his shiny white suit, torturing a black guy who isn't even on the same level as him for info he doesn't have, and could in no way be resonably expected to know. So it's doubly cruel. Although in some respects Asmodeus's coding makes this gratuitous violence a commentary, just like Buddy and Dave being collosal douches to women in the last few episodes was called out in many ways simply by their existence and coding as collosal douches.

Still not nice to watch on screen, especially without even more specific reference to Asmodeus's doucheyness because the stupidity of this dialogue is not helping.

Like did the minions just bring Karl to him and say hey we tracked the Winchesters and Jack this far, he might know more?

Like...

This is the sort of basic intelligence test fail here, that they're not over-thinking this scene in the specific details that you need to not have your main villain parade around displaying total idiocy over.

Like why the Winchesters would book into a motel under "Sam and Dean Winchester and Jack the Nephilim" and then Karl would know that and know what that means.

You can't just drag a normy into the Hell Main Office and torture them for info about Jack when they have no clue who that is.

He literally

can shapeshift

into anything

Go to the Stampede Motel, turn into a pretty girl in a low cut top, and lean on the motel check in desk until you know what you were after.

I'm no longer impressed they found Karl, I'm AMAZED.

Why did they kiiiiill him

Lol Asmodeus is so hammy

what's he sensing

Has he figured out Lucifer is back?

Meanwhile: Sam and Dean voluntarily go to a creepy cabin in the woods with a witch. This is not quite as stupid as Asmodeus was just being.

I am loving the plot development that David Hayden Jones has returned to the show as himself to find Rowena. Like dammit, you were a really cool character I had no interaction with but we coulda had some screen magic for all you know. You may or may not be in this episode as a surprise appearance which as Lizzy said putting MY name in the credits is the "hey it's that guy" fuckery to distract from the fact there's some bigger fuckery at foot (like... aside from the fact I was back to back with OSRIC FUCKING CHAU) because you don't *just* randomly put my very recognisable name in the credits at the start of the episode with Osric unless it's because something's up. So heeey here I am, I'm looking for Rowena, because dangit Ruthie deserves another chance to be in this show.

Daniella is also really slow to realise that Sam just said she was going to be bait. It took until Dean repeated it for her to realise.

She's really pretty though.

She starts choking like several moments before the gas hits her

... is that DHJ?

I mean we're getting a close up on his face but I literally. Do. Not. Recognise. Him.

I remember rambling at some point in my watching notes in season 12 when his face was being particularly hilarious after I'd seen con photos of DHJ that Ketch is one of the most effective character disguises I've ever seen for an actor's face. TBH it's the same weird different face thing I get from Alex Calvert - that he's all clean shaven and filmed as a wee nougat child in the show but he has an instagram of unrecognisable smouldering glamour shots, often with scruff. DHJ has a beard and that's his face, and part of the Ketch look was being clean shaven and crammed in a tight collar which is an incredibly British upper class twit look, and even in other clothes later the illusion lasted... But add a beard and stop grooming his hair and he just turns into some other person entirely.

Ah well, Dean gets to punch DHJ with Ketch's accent again which must be satisfying for him.

Did they take DHJ back to the Bunker? Really?

Oh he doesn't have the tattoo

LOL he's his "twin" "brother"... Obviously.

Yeah okay whatever you say, DHJ.

elizabethrobertajones Hey what if DHJ was actually Rowena

mittensmorgul oh god, don't give them ideas

ALSO if you have an "evil twin brother" you would generally assume that this sort of thing would happen a lot and you'd try and clarify sooner? I bring up my twin like every other time I talk about myself.

Also this is a ridiculous concept I refuse to engage with

I mean, thematically, wowsers. Fits right in with Buddy and Dave and things that look like other things

ALSO DHJ has been going around torturing witches so it's not like he's been the good twin

ALSO WHY IS HE HERE?

Apparently he's a hitman hunter

I suppose it's kind of like Bela but I do find it really strange.

Like how does anyone even know to hire him if no one knows monsters exist? Who is pointing him at these things?

Insinuating himself into situations like Bela to get work maaay be a way to do it, like if the Winchesters showed up in town and immediately told the sheriff what was up and then offered their fee as contractors or something. Pfft.

Pfft.

And then he's like "we hunters" because he's trying to bond with them or something

To google!

It's convenient he kept a beard his whole life

Oh okay Sam stole hard drives from the BMoL and is using their actual data.

I like the side by sides of their report cards where the prop people literally did them backwards from each other. "*More effort required!" they say about Alexander, and "Excellent work!" for Arthur.

Dean isn't buying it

LOL they dumped Ketch's corpse into the waste canal.

Do you want a haunted Bunker? That's how you get a haunted Bunker.

Anyway Dean is like NOPE don't believe it and Sam's like... there's so much proof... and then he goes in to question DHJ again and DHJ is like... you literally saw me get shot in the head last season, you don't trust that? And Sam's like no I had to concede that Dean had a point that we really can't trust anything and I guess Cas did just randomly come back or something and we have horrific problems with the white men on this show coming back again for completely random reasons that make no sense so you had better bloody well actually be re-introducing Rowena into the narrative even more dramatically than the warning Billie gave about the red-headed witch that Dean probably didn't tell me about now come to think of it, but I'd still like to see her again because we had a sort of weird thing we never really talked about going on...

Also are they keeping DHJ in the store room that showed up for the pencil scene but isn't the other store room? It looks like a different part of the Bunker repurposed.

Sam mis-reads Ketch, maybe because he never knew him as well as Mary or even Dean saw him. DHJ is like dude I played him for a year and psychoanalysed him and his crush on Dean in multiple interviews, so trust me when I tell you all his character exposition.

The stuff about being loyal to Heaven - I mean the BMoL - and being a company man echo what Ishim said about old Cas in 12x10

DHJ like, I did so much character work in those interviews, and I never got a chance for Ketch to be sympathetic so let me offer some more insight on him now you have me in the worst interview chair ever.

Also, don't go into pop culture journalism, Sam

"If he were here, he'd admit regret to some of the things he did to your family"

Yeah unless you have a magic twin link (well... not unlikey tbh with random ass canon pulls) you're either Arthur Ketch or just DHJ enjoying doing interviews about Ketch to a twisted and weird level and I'm sort of gonna have to do an intervention on this for him.

CAS

NEW PLAYGROUND

New angel!

mittensmorgul dumas? that's the name the superwiki has linked, but her page is blank

elizabethrobertajones Heh 3 musketeers again first in the off-brand nougat now that

"If we had him he wouldn't be imprisoned he'd be put to work"

SHE WANTS NEW ANGELS

I don't freakin blame her

But Jack shouldn't be "put to work" either - he would have to want to do it.

Awww Cas getting protective over Jack before I'm done typing that of course this means Jack would be forced to do it and the angel says "No other choice" because of course she does.

As usual heaven isn't comic book evil but its purposes in the name of "good" are super shady. Even if Jack was pure evil himself, Heaven enslaving a powerful nephilim for its own purposes would be dodgy.

Btw I am still torn about Cas's compulsion to care about Jack but on the other hand I am really enjoying Cas generally existing and being alive - and wait a minute she didn't even ask about how he was doing that - so I'm pretty much enjoying the surface level about Cas and Jack right now. Because of course I see the good in Jack that he DOES need protecting, so however Cas ended up on this, at least he is doing the right thing and taking the right stance.

"Castiel, he's not your pet. He belongs to all of us."

Uhoh, Cas is probably going to get grabbed.

*surprise*

Hey he did pretty well considering he's fighting 3 angels and is much weaker than them.

Oh boy, here's Lucifer. This is gonna go great.

Does Cas or Lucifer need to start this with the "you're supposed to be dead/in the AU" first?

Lol, Cas is the first person in this entire damn episode to actually ask a relevant question, and it's one we already know the answer to

*waves a little flag for Cas though*

Hey and then Lucifer asks about Cas being alive, what do you know.

He then calls Cas "cowboy" and pretends like Cas wouldn't kick his ass.

I am pretty happy about the "cowboy" thing :P

Lucifer has found a tan jacket somewhere, specifically one that looks like the one Jack was wearing but maybe a bit thicker, more like Cas's new coat. He's trying to edge in on this family and I can only assume this is not even a veiled metaphor for the douchey biological father wanting to be all interested in his son's business.

Lucifer in a tan jacket makes me think wolf in sheep's clothing.

He does, however, shelve the issue of child custody for now, and he appears to be genuinely freaked out enough about Michael to make that a priority and tell Cas about it, because if you want help against Michael, we've had 2 references to Team Free Will in short succession and that was a phrase coined specifically to spite Michael...

I don't think Lucifer should be allowed in, remotely, because it's become a family term, but the imagery is interesting anyway that he is trying to leech off the success of TFW to accomplish the goals he could never do himself. Especially because it was blatant in season 5 to everyone but him that Michael would kick his butt since he already did it once before and nothing has changed, 12x12 confirmed Michael would kill him slowly, and now meeting an AU Michael, he discovers that yep Michael sure is stronger than him, even when he was the last strong archangel left, and then Michael took that from him...

None of this, however, makes Lucifer sympathetic or good, just self-interested in not dying, and who is better at not dying than Cas?

I mean he wasn't even expecting to see Cas here, I guess he was going to a heaven portal to try and get them to listen?

LOL Kingdom Beer sign over Cas and Lucifer having a chat in a bar.

Cas looks Weary.

"I came back from the dead to deal with THIS? Please take me back to yesterday when it was fun kinky cowboy times with Dean."

I'm glad Cas isn't remotely friendly to Lucifer and is quick to remind him about how killed he got last time they hung out. Lucifer continues to be whiny and annoying about it all, unrepentant for killing Cas over petty nonsense.

LOL Lucifer is like "this Michael is much more powerful"

buddy. dude. go watch 12x12 then get back to me about how whooped your butt would have been. I mean go look at that lovely painting of him whooping your butt that was in 12x12 and unrelated to the fact he had that fucking lance in the first place.

Anyway he's trying to convince Cas to use his influence on Jack to get them to be the ultimate team up but they're fundamentally incapable of doing that because they're the 2 rival dads for Jack and blatantly symbolically being shown as that in these costumes, and that's one of the huge thematic things.

Cas like "You are the Weakest Link, goodbye."

I love Cas being so snarky, so maybe Lucifer being around is good in some respects, that it makes Cas this snarky because he has something to bounce off as awful and despised as Lucifer. Not even Crowley got THIS dismissive treatment, because they had emotional baggage that was of a whole different sort, whereas Cas and Lucifer have been opposite mirrors the whole time since season 4

Lucifer is emphasising how he and Cas are the big cosmic powers around here, with Jack. Hm...

Lol Cas is like "I'm calling my guys who deal with these things" and Lucifer bangs his head on the table in despair. I guess this is like the boy who called wolf except that instead of calling wolf he was literally going around eating all the sheep and was banned from being a shepherd for life and locked away and got out and ate more sheep and was locked away and got out and ate more sheep and got locked away and THEN came back like oh hi something's gonna eat all our sheep.

Lucifer then says Cas needs him and that he needs Cas and they all need Jack.

So Um I guess "Need" is The Worst Word right now :P

"Jack. Your son's name is *Jack*" *pats Cas's hair*

Pfft themes "is he a chip off the old block?" "thankfully, no. he seems to favour the mother"

Theeeeeeeeemes

Cas squinting when he lies - I don't think that's his lying tell because he does it too much, but perhaps uncertainty. The fact he squinted so much in the reintroduction huggy scene last episode feels to me less like lying and more like no clue what was going on and how mad he had to be about his humans sacrificing for him to come back.

Laughing at all their labelled phones lying around permanently charging. I think this is the first proof we've ever seen that they have a Bobby phone bank, but I can't imagine who would rely on the Winchesters to answer the phone when they need proof of ID :P They're like ALWAYS being abducted or disappearing on cases.

Or dying.

Okay so the phones are more just for their personal IDs for the cards THEY give out and they're just getting a call back from the motel for some reason, I suppose because Jack was with them (seriously. Dean gave the motel the name Jack? I have to assume Jack said his name before they could re-name him on the fly and so he was registered as a guest there as Jack the Nephilim because why the fuck not... Berens has a magic skill of un-fucking Buckleming canon but it seems Buckleming's skill is fucking up poor Davy's, in 12x13 and 12x17 and now here...)

ANYWAY jesus christ Asmodeus is stupid. "Evil Colonel Sanders" literally walked in and abducted Karl in person which means that his stupid ass questions weren't even because his minions brought him the guy and presented him in an idiotic way, but our shapeshifting villain wandered in and took Karl, himself in person with his own freaking face that the Winchesters KNEW and is extremely memorable, and took his prize.

...

DHJ better turn out to be Asmodeus even though I think their screentime overlapped and this makes no freaking sense since he has some established history wandering around attacking witches before they caught up with him.

I'd rather have a time plothole than a stupid plothole :P

Anyway DHJ is hanging out with them in the library eating a sandwich because... um

reasons?

At least he's in chains.

Oh my god I said that sarcastically moments before Sam said it sincerely and then pointed out there's no bathroom in the armoury

what the fuck

Like I said up top: as stupid as the villain is, your main characters have to be about as dumb as they are, either only just enough to outwit them, or more stupid if they get outwitted...

Poor Sammy, he was having such a fantastic season

Dean just straight up pretends Mary is phone when DHJ asks because why the heck would you monologue your sad life story to the bad guy, and give him emotional leverage over you? Especially when he ASKS because "Alexander" should have no knowledge of Mary or care about her, but then he also shouldn't know the DHJ interview details of Ketch's inner life.

YAY Dean and Cas are talking and Dean phoned Cas probably just to hear a sane voice because Cas is managing to weave around being Buckleminged, so far, possibly just because he was not in the opening half of the episode, and then this was a really important conversation they couldn't fuck up so probably got supervised.

elizabethrobertajones tee hee Cas standing by the gents to take a call from Dean wait hang on ... I'm not even being jokey I literally just had that moment in the chat with you :P *rewinds* Longing retcon Confirmed Oh dear that is hilarious I don't know if that's the moment you wanted me to see or not but I'm delighted :P

elizabethrobertajones Cas was standing away from Lucifer ready to take Dean's phone call and had to have walked off up to a minute before he called, but most likely in that time when Dean was like UGH I need to talk to Cas and hear the one sane voice in this episode and Cas was like... Brb I... have to use... the 'Gents' and got up and wandered off to take the call eat it, 12x10 and that "where's my phone" moment I mean Buckleming introduced it to fill a plothole so why should they not use it to cover more plotholes at their leisure

... did Speight know? I mean he coulda been like what the heckeroo, and added Cas getting the call and legging it from the table.

The only other option I can think of is Cas decided he may as well just get up to "go pee" because Lucifer is so annoying that pretending he needs to go to the loo buys him 5 minutes to let his migraine subside.

Also what the fuck DHJ was wandering around the bunker so he could use the bathroom. I am confused. Is this actually like... being hinted at. Like, "hey children, please remember who does and doesn't need to use the bathroom in this episode"

Omg

Cas like "I would *like* to see you too" is he literally pretending he and Dean were canoodling on the phone as a cover?

I hate everything

Anyway need/want blah blah I have been over that a lot lately :P Cas is using his DESIRE to see Dean to get help, by Lucifer saying he NEEDS Cas.

"Smooth was never your strong suit" oh my god Lucifer also thought Cas was pretending to be flirty too what is going on

why has this episode confirmed all the headcanons about Cas being the most shittiest phone sex guy ever

of all the things.

why.

DHJ wants to go because he misses being in on the action with the guys

Like. No, go take your sandwich and sit down.

Dean is sad about Cas always getting killed by Lucifer and stuff when he does stupid things.

Cas's "ugh stop talking Lucifer" face is a whole layer more existential misery than dealing with Crowley... I think he was secretly fond of Crowley or at least enjoyed hating him, whereas Lucifer is just EXHAUSTING.

He's needling Cas for attention.

LOL randomly Asmodeus as if Cas's headache wasn't bad enough, now we got thunder and lightning and very very frightening...

Pfft.

bahahaha Lucifer called Asmodeus the dim bulb

I mean he's not wrong, Asmodeus has been completely idiotic all episode. And of course, narratively, his "evil plans" are just self-interest which will endanger the entire world because even if Lucifer is a twat, he has a point about the coming danger of Michael, and Asmodeus just refuses to see the danger, which is all kinds of various political commentary, and using his era aesthetic to say this kind of thinking is such a throwback...

I think this might be the most confused Cas has ever been about if he should stab someone or not - if he actually WANTS to defend Lucifer. Not really, but Asmodeus seems like a bigger problem because at least Lucifer isn't trying to kill him.

I hope this just randomly gets Asmodeus killed.

Or Lucifer

Asmodeus just called Lucifer "screwable"... do they even know what they said? :P

EEEP there was a Margiekugel sign and it just flickered off

"Nick's bar" pfft because Lucifer?

It seems like Sam and Dean are too late and Asmodeus already made off with everyone?

I hope Cas is okay

being held captive by that idiot seems like a fate worse than death. You're going to get villain monologues all day.

Anyway fight fight fight

Good fight.

Where did DHJ even come from?

that was a ridiculous nonsense about how he escaped. I also will die if he took Dorothy's bike and not his own left stashed there. Also he nodded at Dean like hey you didn't cavity search me like you should have, which... Is he actually Ketch?

He's actually Ketch

Of course that means Dean knows him very well and trusted his gut instinct on knowing Ketch to prove that he was not, in fact, the actor David Hayden Jones, chillaxing on set and being weirdly cheerful about being beaten up by the Winchesters.

Pfft he used Rowena's charm to get alive again

Well she better be fine if they're gonna use her like this.

"Is she?"

LOL Ketch ninja'd out of there

Oh good it wasn't Dorothy's bike

Considering how they use Rowena, DON'T use Mary, etc I'd have taken Dorothy's bike as a personal insult. I guess Ketch rode his over to the Bunker before 12x22.

I mean at least this means Ketch remembers he got shot and then also he revived in a sewer where he belonged because he is garbage.

Wait. He set up this whole thing in like a month or so TOPS since he got shot? If he’s been chasing witches has he even had TIME for a side business?

Oh boy, Asmodeus using Cas's voice to talk to Dean.

BAD HELLO DEAN.

That "see you soon" is also way too cheerful. It should be as much of a tip off as Cas begging Dean to come help him in the previous call.

I hope Dean sees through it.

Though it's so Buckleming-y I don't think people should be mad if he doesn't because this was them doing a smart!Dean episode.

PFFT of course they team up - colonialism from all sorts of fun angles!! The ultimate trashy white guys in suits team up.

Thanks Buckleming!

Man, I need a whole pot of detox tea now. I don't even have closing thoughts.

#13x07 #my stuff #season 13 spoilers #buckleming appropriate wank for ts #*quietly lies face down on the floor*

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