#i should go eat smth-

[fisheito]

collab #2 with @xenole i was given a chibi yakumo and i.. i...... turned it into thiS

#I AM SO SORRY I DREW YAKUMO AGAIN ADFSJEIADKS LOOK OK so xenole gives me the tiny crying yakumo. #says DO WHATEVER YOU WANT and THUS i get to thinking #my immediate thought was #i'm going to make oli breast boobily while comforting him #bc i was determined to draw xenole's fave this time. i swore it to myself. i WILL stop being so self indulgent #but the chibi on chibi comforting scene didn't sit right with me. it was too straightforward. not something i would draw normally #it was hhhh as u say.... not on brand.? it did not inspire me. idea benched.... #so days pass and i'm still pondering ideas on what to do to the sad spaghetti. #configurations of clan members danced in my head. some defending yaku. some comforting. some bullying #the ideas usually involved at least oli or kuya bc once again. xenole bias #then while i'm in the shower i got frustrated with my lack of ideas and thought #i'll jujst eat.him. just. chew on him. i'm tired of him #AND THE IMAGE OF KUYA EATING YAKUMO FOR BREAKFAST POPPED INTO MY MIND #originally it was going to be kuya eating yakuflakes and oli giving him serious side eye but then the brain went #WHAT IF IT'S YAKUMO WATCHING KUYA EAT YAKUMO. THAT IS FUNNY. IT MUMST HAPPEEN #BUT I REFUSED at first. i was angry at myself. this is not a competition to see how you can STILL sHOVE YAKUMO into a drawing. #plus the composition would shrink xenole's chibi down! i would take over so much space by comparison! THE DISRESPECT! TO THE COLLAB PROCESS #but once i get fixated on smth...well. i ended up doing the idea and just praying xenole wouldnt eviscerate me for it #i'm sorry my liege. my grip on the reins was weak. the goofy clown horses went stampeding #so idk now it's the two of em having a peaceful breakfast in kuya's cabin but only kuya is at peace and yakumo's this close to a breakdown #i feel like there should be something in the space between them. a speech bubble or something . something mean is being said #kuya #yakumo #yakuya

[illegiblehandwriting1]

humans are funny because we like to eat things that want to eat us. And sometimes it's happening simultaneously, like kiwi and pineapple

#legitimately no reason i should post this #im going to anyway of course #i just ate a kiwi like an apple and it was good #occasionally i do things that remind me of idea that humans are space orcs #which. yeah. #who tf would eat something that dissolves them? #just imagining some human finding a kiwi in space #and it's a known toxin or smth to other people #but the human just says “ooh kiwi! sweet” and snarfs the whole thing down like an apple #cue horrified stares #same with caffeine #chicken scratch #humans are space orcs #i guess

[mumblesplash]

the fact that doctors can just Recommend Weight Loss with no instructions beyond ‘eat healthier/less’ is actually insane to me, i lost weight on purpose ONCE and it took me like 6 years to recover a semi-normal relationship with food and hunger

#uhh #disordered eating cw #just in case #mumbling #like jfc i know i’m not the first to say it and my experience is relatively SO tame #but it STILL fucked with my head for YEARS #and most people don’t go nearly that long between weight loss attempts at all for basically their whole lives!!!!! #and we’re so blasé about it like yeah just eat less to lose weight #and so few people talk about the really weird shit that phase of my life taught me even though they seem like pretty universal things #like when you lose weight deliberately by denying yourself food you get COLD #you get cold and you get in your head and you get sad it’s like being less alive #the times i’ve lost weight/recomped on accident (by doing smth that makes me move more‚ getting better sleep etc) #it’s been WARM #burn hotter move freer feel happier #and also the way hunger feels when you’ve been denying yourself food for an extended time is NOT the same as baseline hunger #it’s actually kind of wild that we use the same word to describe both feelings like that shit is NOT the same #that shit is not ‘being really hungry’ it’s a fuckin. blood curse or some shit you feel straight up unhinged #and i should disclaim here i am not talking large amounts of weight #i’ve fluctuated over i think a 20lb range max since reaching close to my adult height and that’s a guesstimate #but even in my relatively unremarkable little experiences here the way deliberate weight loss fucked with my brain is absurd to me #i’m fine now have been for years but seriously thinking back on it the fact that this is routine medical advice. unreal

[mooodyblue]

so sorry for disappearing :( i miss yall lots. i open tumblr every day and think ill finally reply to people and reply to asks but then i just don't do it. i feel bad that i always have to come here and apologize (even though i know i shouldn't have to or feel the need to) and i always feel like im being down 24/7 /:

truthfully i stepped away because my depression has been at it's worst and everything is beginning to feel like a chore and i don't want to bring that energy here at all :(

i miss you guys and i'm going to try and get my shit together soon and reply to everyone. hope everyone is well ❤️

#ive been mostly on twt tbh #but yea #im sorry guys #im just like #not okay #this has been a very bad month #and life is very overwhelming and im overwhelmed and tired and just #im trying so hard #everything fr just crashed all at once tonight and i felt like i should come say smth tonight lol #i really need to come back and write but it's not making me feel better #i've also been busy trying to find online work because i have no money and nobody is taking me #there's just #so much going on #between money issues and me being soooooooo lonely that it's eating away at me i'm just dusbsjsshxjsj #anyway #idk if im gonna post again after this for a hot min i kinda wanna wait till march #we'll see

[silenthillbunni]

🏥🦷

#damn my teeth on my left side reallyyyyy fkn hurt #last night it started hurting so bad i couldnt fall asleep #i took some regular over the counter pain pills nd they brought down the pain a bit #so it at least didnt hurt as bad as it did first #but now after sleeping a few hours it still hurts :// #idk what to do... bc i've googled but it is like impossible for me to know what this is. could be anything rlly #nd w physical health stuff im not as terrified bc i can just go to the ER. when i was there it only cost $15 lol #but dental care is so fkn expensive i dont even have that in my account #anyway. i could get an 'urgent appointment' which i get financial aid for... probably. thats the thing. it's not 100% certain #idk what i should do bc like i could wait it out nd see if it'll pass nd then wait on my appt the 6th may #or maybe i should call my dentists nd ask them what they think nd if they can give me an urgent appt.. #i hate calling tho. i know that sounds ridiculous esp when im dealing w pain but my avpd makes it so so hard for me. i'd almost rather not #if i was smart nd normal thats what i would do. just call them nd see what they decide for me. maybe i'll wait nd see nd call tmrw.... #nd idk abt the pain. like it rlly hurts but it isnt extreme i think.. but when i press one tooth it hurts a lot nd makes me worried it's #dying 💀 nd like u can actually die from teeth pain nd complications... nd infections nd stuff. it's scary af 😭 #idk if my tooth is dying nd i need to contact a dentist rn or if its smth that can wait for a bit #i mean if i had a job nd a salary i'd book an appt for tmrw nd get it checked but i have to discuss w myself bc i cant afford lol #ugh this is the reason im terrified of dental problems. the pain is awful nd theres nothing u can do if you're poor #my head keeps spinning idk what i should do abt this 😭 i csnt make up my mind. just want it to go away on its own but i know it wont #nd it hurts so that i can barely sleep or eat or concentrate. so i rlly dont know..... #oh if only things were easy

[per-the-jellicle-magician]

I've always liked the hc that Jellicle Mac, Munk and Tugger are brothers, but recently I've been kinda rethinking it as I work on my main au

I still hc Munk and Tugger as (half)brothers, I just like this dynamic for them sue me, and that Munk and Mac had a really close relationship before Mac left the tribe

But now I don't know if it was close as in close friends or partners, or close as in brothers. I mean both would work, but it's just a different flavour of the thing and I don't know which one fits my story better

I mean Mac isn't really the antagonist of this story‚ it's Mefistrap slow burn strangers to friends to lovers or whatever, and Mac just shows up sometimes to cause some chaos or whatever, which sometimes happens to move the plot forward. But he is there a lot in spirit between how similar him and Feliks are in the magic powers department and his relationships with Munk‚ two Demeters and Bombas and some other cats

Like, Mac and Feliks have an extremely similar power set and it does mess with Munk's head a little a lot. Mac literally puts on an illusion on himself and pretends to be Feliks to trick Munk into getting close enough for an easy hit. Which later prompts Feliks to actively pursue a relationship with Munk cuz Munk's description of what happened makes him realise there's more than just friendly vibes between them and he may have a chance with him

And also just a lot of Munk comparing the two of them cuz hey two magical cats he knows that can make fire, mind control everyone around them and stuff

But is he comparing his friend turned lover to his brother or to his ex friend/lover?

#i do have whole bunch of aus. some where they are brothers and some where they arent #its just specifically this au where i cannot make up my mind #i realised there's no need for them to be blood related as I dropped some story bits and pick up others #and now i cannot decide which way i should go #its been eating away at me since like yesterday morning when i started writing some stuff down #i welcome any and all opinions on this #smth smth im rambling #cats the musical #munkustrap #macavity #mefistofeliks #mefistrap #warsaw guy talks

[toytulini]

god I know this is like The Wrong Stance on AI. I know its not about whether the art is Real and Human or If It Has A Soul and how a lot of the arguments against it are the same bullshit arguments people made against digital art like I Know. I Knowwww. but god, I'm really sorry, not to post like one of those annoying poetry bloggers I cant stand (yall are valid, live your truth, theres nothing wrong with what you post I'm just a petty bitch who hates poetry. unless I dont hate it.)

But theres just something about the way AI art will almost certainly never be able to mimic the exact way my pencil leaves an indentation in the paper, the way some of the lines I can never fully erase cause I pressed too hard, theyll have to at least train them to draw with a physical pencil first, and sure, they could train it to draw with a pencil and even erase the exact same piece I drew, line for line, on a piece of paper with a robot arm powered by AI, but they can't replicate. idk. the lineage of lefty bitches in my family, and the way I grew up going through school with my entire left arm silver with graphite, from doodling on my schoolwork. not yet anyway. but I guess I do live for the day we make the ai sentient enough that we can traumatize it by giving it homework after kneecapping its executive functions so it copes by drawing a big tiddy lobster monster. sure

#toy txt post #reblogs OFF i dont trust yall to be normal with this one i do NOT want it getting notes #i posted part of this before in a chat to a friend but im feeling it again. so #i havent drawn my big tiddy lobster bitch in awhile i should draw her again #also yea SORRY im sure this is The Wrong Feeling To Have About AI but also sometimes im a little grateful that i dont think my style is #smth a lot of the ppl coding ai to make art find to be worth trying to replicate except maybe as like a fake progress shot on a piece #which is smth i used to be really insecure about. how unfinished all my art looks bc it isnt to the point i cant fucking watch #like speedpaints and shit bc i just start feeling stupidly insecure about all the points in the video where I Would Have Stopped and been #like. im not touching it anymore i dont want to ruin it #and ive been insecure about my inability to really do digital art with like a stylus and shit like the way i do it with a pencil #and i know that is just me needing to Practice it but being too frustrated by it #anyway i know its just a Tool and its Fine and the problem is the art theft and the labor problems of it but liiiiiiike #i just. #im sure there will be unique things and usages of ai as a tool and i genuinely hope that ppl can figure out a way to make one that isnr #isnt* just full of stolen content bc theres unique fuckin shit about like digital art programs u can write stupid poetry that you hate #about it. or stupid poetry that i hate. cos im the poetry hater. listen. i cant stress this enough: its fine. youre fine. keep posting your #poetry and reblogging shit that speaks to you. im just a Bitch okay Ignore Me #i should go draw bokrae like. eating a computer about this #the real reason for that graphics card shortage was bokrae ate them all when she was in the mood for a crunchy snack

[dizzybizz]

we have these baubles with a bunch of our family's names written with these glitter glue pens or whatever they are

and this time around my mom changed mine to my new name

and i kinda wanna cry about it

cause i walked down the stairs to the living room and i saw them all resting on towels and drying

i sat down on the couch to just look them over

i was searching for my bauble but i tried to act like i wasn't, don't think i was actually too subtle about it but i pretended

there were baubles with the names of our pets, half siblings, nephews and i found mine

and my mom had changed it

i had a hunch she might've, it's just like her to do something like that

but idk i guess it just kinda really drove home the point that i am accepted and this is all real? it's not some elaborate daydream or something i came up with after fantasizing about coming out and all

im just feeling some trans joy

sorry it's 4am i can't sleep but i am thinking and feeling and my family accepts me and im just overwhelmed with it all and ahshdjfjfjshhdnffmmgvm..... y'know

#i kinda wanna draw about it but again. its 4am. go the fuck to sleep why dont you #also i am so fkn hungry help #shit now i got fkn period cramps too this sucks ass and not in the fun way auhhgg #im gonna get smth to drink n eat i think. i think i should #<- why is this the kinda shit i ramble abt in the tags on a post like this wth???? 😭💀💀💀 #ok no imigght fall asleep actually

[edgarallanpoestan]

do i order food and have a proper meal or do i eat cold dry unsalted leftover fries so i dont spend any money tn

#bee buzzes #im not like super hungry but i SHOULD eat probably #we only rlly have snack food rn we havent been able to stock up yet this semester #so i can live off that until the morning #but do i want to is the question #i could also go grab smth from the vending machine and use dining dollars instead of my card.... hmbh

[chokkito]

Best ship dynamic is hot dark priest wife x guy who almost faints if he gets up from the chair too fast

#🤡 rambles #🤡 fear and hunger #i almost fainted while doing it im not even joking #perhaps i should go eat smth its already 12pm

[sourcetwo]

listening to someone explain source engine bugs and glitches is like cocomelon to me

#brighton.txt #source engine stuff is my special interest i eat up anythig to do with it #im lowkey just considering getting into modding or smth. i think all this passion should go somewhere

[willowfey]

no one can make u feel crazier than ur mother<3

#sometimes they’ll just say smith happened in a conversation that. didn’t at all happen. none of those words were said #but if ur like actually that did not happen i did not do that it’s like u’ve personally disrespected their entire existence #and then u go ‘u didn’t have to go about the situation like that and make it smth it wasn’t’ #and then they’ll say smth like ‘i should just never say a word to u ever about anything i should just keep my mouth shut is that it??’ #like. no. who said that. what is going on here #and then they’re like ‘ur just mad about (thing that the conversation stopped being about 20 mins ago)’ #no ma’am. i’m not even mad. i’m boggled that u are mad. we are not experiencing the same situation #and it always ends with them being so hurt for NO reason saying u don’t respect me u always invalidate me idk what to do #u just need to have a better schedule and sleep more and eat different and do more school and do more work u don’t care abt doing anything #like HELLO why are we talking about this now. how did we even get here #i love my mother but why do they all do that. u all know what i mean. #and then u have to flip it around and make them feel better. an impossible task. when ur the one who got freaked out on for no reason #if it goes too far she’ll come and apologise after but in the meantime….. real fun times. i love micromanaging.

[enden-k]

im glad i still had a realm where i gave zhongli and childe a room for themselves ages ago, so i could still catch their lines in the new event akjcbk

i let him taste test seafood and he didnt approve much

but bamboo shoot soup/meat dishes make the dragon praise u huh

meanwhile this absolute sweetheart when i gave him seafood/bamboo shoot soup--

#they both seemed to like the bamboo shoot soup (the dish zhongli can make his special dish with so its no wonder he likes it buuut) #childe hMMMMMM interesting discovery.... #i should try the other dishes some time to see what kind of dishes make them go all sparkly ww #now i imagine him absolutely enjoying zhonglis special dish (or anything he cooks bc his cooking must be really smth. once u get to eat it #after the hours of him preparing it tho AHJVBCSJ) #ahh anyway anyway ahha #hyv: heres this event where u can let ur characters in the teapot taste test dishes and raise their friendship-- #me who already maxed out zhongli + childe like a year ago and uses the dishes to check their lines/possible faves instead of using them on #the characters im building friendship with: eat up loser and tell me ur thoughts #myountalk #own #genshin tag

[tortademaracuya]

Wasted kind of day today

#i was gonna draw or work on my portfolio or even just play some games #but i cant be bothered to move #im not tired im so fucking bored but i cant bring myself to do jack shit #like i cant even convince myself to eat or drink. even though i was looking forward to some stuff and im hungry and thirsty #just a big ol' empty feeling! i had too many good days in a row so it was expected but still. so annoying #thinking about having to drag myself the next few days is so tiring. and its only gonna get worse after that #maybe i should go and try to sleep it off but. i really wanted to DO smth today... :( #haunted.txt

[silenthillbunni]

📓🖊️🧸

#i feel so lonely now bc i have no one to talk to sksksk #my sisters gets mad whenever i try to talk 2 mom and she just slammed doors nd got irritated at me #nd my mom is so stressed nd in a bad mood so she just got annoyed when i tried saying smth to her #so ig i should just vent to my bestfriend beloved diary confidant thats been here for me for 5yrs<3333 #anywayyy today was rough.. i woke up w a headache after 3hrs of sleep :(( #but still had to get up nd get ready nd eat boxed mashed potatoes for breakkyy 🤢🤮 (it's so gross after eating it everyday lol) #then w my hunchback nd achy stomach i went to school. it was frustrating bc ppl r so fkn rude #they bumped into me at the bus nd i had to sit like a weirdo caging my left stomach side from everyone. had to elbow some dumb fkn guy bc he #pressed his backpack into my side. so i had to basically push it away from me lol he thought i was so weird. but move tf away asshole?????? #got to school nd checked myself in the mirror nd i was so pale i look like absolute garbage its annoying :(( #it was next to insufferable to endure class bc my head hurt so bad (it was the worst part i think) nd i couldnt sit up straight so my back #hurt so bad too sksksks :< #but i managed to write a little but on my assignment #then i left a bit earlier bc i couldnt stand it anymore i was feeling so bad #wrnt to the library bc i had to return some books. could only carry two small ones tho so have to go back multiple times sksksk #felt soooo bad but ate some more disgusting mashed potatoes nd took a nap w an ice pack. took a migraine pill even if it upsets my stomach🤣 #now a few hours later i feel better physically #buuuuuut im so miserable im not even kidding #idc if it sound pathetic or fatty but genuinely that moment w a cup of coffee nd a small chocolate treat everyday makes me feel sm better #like im not kidding!!!!! it does a lot for my peace of mind sksksk T-T #im so miserable bc i cant eat anything still im so hungry :(( #and im weak. im pale. my skin's dry. it's itchy bc of malnutrition... i feel faint nd dizzy nd slow nd just not good at all #im so frustrated i hate this sm i wanna feel strong and healthy!! i dont wanna be constantly hungry. i wanna go to the gym nd go for walks #i wanna be able to sit up straight nd not get back pain!!! #i know i know it's only been 8 days since surgery and it takes time to heal i get it..... :( #but theres just too much going on and im so sick and tired of it all #mostly i just wanna be able to eat and feel strong bc i feel so weak nd i miss food so much sksksksk

[toytulini]

god my executive dysfunction is so fucking Bad lately

#toy txt post #so many tasks and dont want to Do anything and like on the one hand Theyre Not That Hard it wont take THAT long i have plenty of time #on the other hand #it will take like 5fucking hrs and if it doesnt i will find a way to make take 5fucking hours and all this and i still havent eaten #enough for breakfast but like??? what am i supposed to waste energy on actually cooking something? #man i love eggs but i think maybe id actually struggle if i had chickens not cos id get tired of eating eggs but cos #all the low effort ways to consume eggs gross me out and the ways i like are not THAT high effort but its too high effort to be #an everyday thing for me :( #okay i have gotta stop thinking about the State Of Things. and figure out a nutrient dense thing to eat for breakfast thats quick and easy #and that i actually like to eat. but also i maybe want coffee so i should not have a clif bar. augh #IT IS 3PM. FUCK. I FUCKING WOKE UP AT LIKE 9!!!!! AND TOOK MY MEDS EARLY AND I STILL END UP NOT DOING FUCKING ANYTHING AT ALL TIL 3PM #i hate this i need to like #fully reset. i need to go to bed at idk. 9pm and wake up at like 5am and get dressed and go out fucking early i hate this!!!!! #i hate !!!! not fucking functioning!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!! #i need a therapist or smth but like one that will find a way to word shit so that it doesnt piss me off and make me want to pettily not do #things that would maybe help #agh #i have been trying to get better about #doing my physical therapy at least