#i should get some coffee or something

[saltinesinsoup]

aughh man its like. i want to watch something but nothing on youtube is good and everything being recommended to me feels like mindless slop but also i dont feel like there's any good shows out right now that i could watch and i also dont really want to rewatch anything and at its core i think im bored and a little bit creatively unfulfilled

#jaytalking #like gem put out a new hermitcraft and i normally would enjoy it (started watching her this season and its been nice) but i watched the fir #first eight or so minutes maybe less. and i just was like. eh. #i dont know why but its like. i just want to watch something good #really i should rewatch the bear or severance but really i should probably just go read a book. thats probably my issue #or play pokemon bc that will give me a dripfeed of dopamine or w/e. im no brain chemist #also this is gonna sound so lame but we didn't do anything mentally challenging in calc today which was nice. but also its nice for me to #have math that i can do bc genuinely im like. oh im bored? might as well go do some math because its just like doing a puzzle. that rewards #me (green check and points) for being right. #also ive been thinking about maybe getting a degree in math lately. but i dont even know what id do with it. fuckin not statistics #and i dont want to teach or go into academia. really i just want to have fun little puzzles to do because really that's all math has been #and also i want to watch dunmeshi or frieren but also i dont and man. its really just boredom that's the killer #also i had a coffee earlier and i don’t know if that’s also part of this lol. like i got so much stimulation and now it’s warm off im like. #well what now.

[mothram]

#diana's music diary #good afternoon I'm very tired... #yesterday was okay enough.. maybe even good? Lancer was fun! Ophelia messed up really bad and now the crew is in danger!! yay!! #didn't do all that much else really... I was so exhausted and idk why... I've been so so tired lately... more than my usual eepiness... #I don't know what the exact reason is too it's like... I'm sure I got enough sleep... I had a headache and stuff too so maybe that? #well whatever... I still haven't decided on changing urls yet... today I woke up after like 3 or 4 hours of sleep so my brain is melting #spent an hour looking for a part for my coffee grinder cause I needed it for something (something that isn't coffee) #I couldn't find it so I ended up using a knife to cheat it into working... which worked well but was a little bit more messy n.n;; #I found a couple of nice things when I was looking at least! #a rarity plush an ex gave me and the jacket Sheila gave me years ago... I should clean them up they got a bit dusty from my last move... #anyway later I'm going to try to have some fun... will maybe hang out with friends or just vc with my partner... idk... #the thing I had to get up now for should be done by later at least 😊 let's keep making today good and fun even while eepy n_n;

[elegantartisanperson]

I feel so terrible, brain please produce more serotonin and dopamine, thank you

#ughhh #why do I feel so #terrible #maybe I should eat something #I'll get some coffee also #I don't feel like eating

[savethepinecones]

so so sick of being yelled at for being depressed

#my sister offered to let me move in with her and her spouse and my mom insisted i stay here til the end of the year #because shes worried about my mental health #but she keeps freaking out whenever i have Symptoms #like yeah i dont have any energy so sometimes it takes an extra day or two to get chores done #ive made it clear that im trying my best but it never meets her standards so it doesnt matter #and she wont even fucking let me leave #i told her months ago i wouldnt be able to contribute to groceries much longer because i havent worked in six months and have no money #and she was super understanding at the time but as soon as i make any food requests when someone goes shopping she gets pissed at me #says im asking for too much when im keeping it to the bare minimum #and when my sister heard about this she offered to send me some grocery money and my mom got pissed about that too #i woke up to a huge paragraph of text lecturing me and she called it a 'roommate intervention' like she hasnt been very clear that #she doesnt consider us roommates #and she refuses to actually talk about it she just sends me messages freaking out about how im not good enough #and then she says if i respond shell freak out so shes refusing to have an actual discussion #like if shes so fucking sick of me being here she should just let me move jfc #i havent been able to eat at the table for years because its covered in a bunch of her shit but if i ask her to do something about that #shed just freak out #like how dare my living here inconvenience her in any way but also what i want doesnt matter at all #i dont have any of my stuff in the living room or dining room and i only have some stuff for coffee in the kitchen #and even then she moves that shit without checking with me beforehand #im doing everything i can to reduce my impact here and its still not fucking good enough #god im just so sick of living here #brb gotta go do a million chores while i have a migraine because otherwise there will be 'consequences' #like im a fucking child #and not a full grown adult whos dealing with serious mental health shit but still trying their best #god i want to cry rn im just so sick of this

[the-kipsabian]

just getting so many mixed news about video games this month and im just. ughhhh alan wake 2 better be so fucking good (i mean i know it will but now im just. you know)

if mirage is flopping like this (which. shouldnt be a surprise tbh its still ubisoft and ac we are talking about lmao) and then konami put out the news about the mgs legacy collection release and its terrible output ratios across all boards and not even new remakes for the original solid or anything...

one out of three i was looking forward to this month is good enough, right...?

#im sure i missed some release but these were the three big ones i was waiting on. and now its time for eternal disappointment! #i know i should never look forward to anything or get super excited cause this always happens no matter the medium or the thing lol #like i get it. but when theres so little in your life and you love all three of these franchises so much what else can you do but get #a little excited about new releases? #i know its bad cause wow consumerism and shit all is bad everythings bad but. lemme have something to look forward to.... #anyways. alan wake will heal me. it has to right? #not that i know when im gonna get my hands on that but.. yeah #anyways i need coffee sorry i love having a fucked up brain and mixed emotions about everything woo #night is an absolute mess on main

[mister-rad-boy]

God, I am so sleepy today.

#I’m just feeling like a sleepy guy #got some coffee but am still a sleepy mf #I should probably get up and actually eat something #gonna make me some scrambled eggs #gotta get that protein in

[babstheyaga]

*doing amazing parkour toward your inbox* TYLERRRR

In Chapter 7 (I believe it is Chapter 7), where Bee and Arcee are beaten up by Optimus, Arcee ends up being more severely injured than the two. Is there any reason why Optimus was more cruel to her?

why YES! this IS a reason!

*flutters eyes* i'm so happy you asked...

Arcee is supposed to know better. Even though she is the youngest, she's supposed to be the most mature. Because she is the only female out of the main seven, she's stressed the most that she can not fall out of line in any way, shape, or form.

There will be a lot of lore about it sometime soon?? Maybe?? I plan on having Arcee, reader, and... someone you will meet in chapter 21 go on a "girl's night" where they maybe go to a restaurant or bar and just talk. But in that chapter, however many forward it is, I'll get into a lot about the treatment Arcee goes through with her time as an Autobot.

I believe I've talked about it before in some comments on AO3, but never on my Tumblr...

(spoilers ahead, big big boy spoilers)

Female Autobots aren't allowed to be pures. They aren't allowed to go into heat. They aren't allowed to be sexually active. The whole Autobot group can be a bit sexist towards women in general, from what I'm sure you've noticed... Females who determine themself within the organization have to be held to a specific standard. They can't mess up, otherwise they'll be seen as, "too weak" and need to be... Disposed of.

The newest character in chapter 21, she'll be pretty important to Arcee's story line and early development lore. I don't talk a whole lot about her in the first introduction, but just from the different types of outfits she wears compared to Arcee, you'll see just how differently they are, along with how differently they're treated within Optimus and their relationship, just based off of the new character and his response to her.

#i'm trying to get chapter 21 done tonight #i REALLY want to #but it is 2:40 AM atm and today has been a super big lazy day #i slept literally from 9 in the morning till 12 at night #so i've only been up for like 2 1/2 hours #yeah... i should probably make some coffee or something so i can actually stay awake #either that or i just go back to bed and sleep for 24 hours #decisions decisions #related to fmod #god i love asks #i LOVE talking about arcee i swear to my jeebus i LOVE it #i need more asks related to her...

[madigoround]

💜

#okay so here’s the thing is that a hardware store near me is having a big sale this weekend and there’s a few things that I had been eyeing #and researching for my home that are on sale like my living room / kitchen have really tall ceilings and I’d need an extra tall ladder to #get up there to change lightbulbs check the fire alarm and paint and they have one on sale from like 160 to 120 tomorrow that seems like a #good choice and I need a random orbital sander for some projects like sanding the wood planks that we are going to use to replace my porch #and I’ve been working on sanding my kitchen table I got used to get the paint off and stain instead and similar with my coffee table and #that’s on sale from like 50 to 20 dollars plus the sanding pads are on sale a few bucks off as well #and I think there’s one or two smaller things plus I need to get groceries tomorrow and I got a coupon in the mail for free fries with a #purchase at a burger place and I was thinking of taking myself out to lunch tomorrow before I saw about the sale and started making #decisions about potentially spending a lot of money and I have anxiety spending money and I’ve been working on it but it’s still something #that I will probably struggle with somewhat for the rest of my life it’s about managing in healthy #ways instead blah blah blah but sometimes when I talk to my aunt about this she gets frustrated with me because she thinks if I need those #things and have the money I should just buy it and not cause a scene about it and I don’t want to be dramatic but it’s like a #piercing adrenaline fear of not having the money to survive or get what I need in the future and anyways this isn’t what I meant to talk #about what I meant to talk about was that I’m thinking of spending a lot of money tomorrow and technically I have the money and the stuff is #on sale at least the hardware stuff not the groceries so despite it feeling like I’m spending a lot of money at once it will be more cost #efficient to buy them tomorrow than if I waited a few months and there wasn’t a sale going on #so I should purchase them and get groceries and maybe MAYBE even take myself out to lunch as a celebration of how much effort I’ve been #putting into fixing up my home that I love so much and just getting through this period of so much change as best I can #and not have a panic attack about it because it’s going to be okay and I have the money and I have a job with money coming in and I need #those items anyway and will need to buy them at some point and they will likely be more expensive in the future so it is okay for me to #spend the money on it now and it’s not the end of the world everything is going to be okay *right*? #I don’t know I’m just talking to myself mostly #this was a way to get my thoughts out about it without being advised to just get over it #also my tummy hurts and I’m being so brave about it #sort of lol

[floral-hex]

so tired but I don’t want to sleep yet, so… quesadillas? yeah, that sounds like a plan.

#didn’t get much sleep last night #and today has been… weird… ish… mix of bad and good #and I got hit with some nauseas anxiety so I may have taken something to mellow me out #probably gonna make my third cup of coffee soon #which is dumb because I should just go to bed #but I don’t want to. you can’t make me. #also I don’t really like just being in my room these days #feels lonely #even if I’m just heading to bed. it’s kinda… not great thinking about how quiet and closed off it is in there #well boo hoo me. big baby. #it’s cool. it’s whatever. gonna eat some quesadillas. drink some shitty coffee. it’s fine. #anyway sorry if you read all of this #I love you stranger #text

[icewindandboringhorror]

examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk

#BEGONE!!! *wizard beam blast leaving a black smoking crater in the middle of the tumblr dashboard* #I think another downside to everyone doing everything on phone apps on shitty tiny screens nowadays is the inability to really see details #of an image and thus its easier to share BLATANTLY fake things like.. even 'good' ai art has pretty obvious tells at this point #but especially MOST of it is not even 'good' and will have details that are clearly off or lines that dont make sense/uneven (like the imag #of a house interior and in the corner there's a cabinet and it has handles as if it has doors that open but there #are no actual doors visible. or both handles are slightly different shapes. So much stuff that looks 'normal' at first glance #but then you can clearly tell it's just added details with no intention or thought behind it. a pattern that starts and then just abruptly #doesn't go anywhere. etc. etc. ) #the same thing with how YEARS ago when I followed more fashion type blogs on tumblr and 'colored hair' was a cool ''''New Thing''' instead #of being the norm now basically. and people would share photos of like ombre hair designs and stuff that were CLEARLY photoshop like #you could LITERally see the coloring outside of the lines. blurs of color that extend past the hair line to the rest of the image #or etc. But people would just share them regardless and comment like 'omg i wish I could do this to my hair!' or 'hair goallzzzz!! i #wonder what salon they went to !!' which would make me want to scream and correct them everytime ( i did not lol) #hhhhhhggh... literally view the image on anything close to a full sized screen and You Will SEe #I don't know why it's such a pet peeve of mine. I think just as always I'm obsessed with the reality and truth of things. most of the thing #that annoy me most about people are situations in which people are misinterpreting/misunderstanding how something works or having a misconc #eption about somehting thats easily provable as false or etc. etc. Even if it's harmless for some random woman on facebook to believe that #this AI generated image of a cat shaped coffee machine is actually a real product she could buy somewhere ... I still urgently #wish I could be like 'IT IS ALL AN ILLUSION. YOU SEE???? ITS NOT REALL!!!!! AAAAA' hjhjnj #Like those AI shoes that went around for a while with 1000000s of comments like 'omg LOVE these where can i get them!?' and it's like YOU #CANT!!! YOU CANT GET THEM!!! THEY DONT EXIST!!! THE EYELETS DONT EVEN LINE UP THE SHOES DONT EVEN #MATCH THE PATTERNS ARE GIBBERISH!! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THEY ARE NOT REAL!??!!' *sobbing in the rain like in some drama movie* #Sorry I'm a pedantic hater who loves truth and accuracy of interpretation and collecting information lol #I think moreso the lacking of context? Like for example I find the enneagram interesting but I nearly ALWAYS preface any talking about it #with ''and I know this is not scientifically accurate it's just an interesting system humans invented to classify ourselve and our traits #and I find it sociologically fascinating the same way I find religion fascinating'. If someone presented personality typing information wit #out that sort of context or was purporting that enneagram types are like 100% solid scientific truth and people should be classified by the #unquestionaingly in daily life or something then.. yeah fuck that. If these images had like disclaimers BIG in the image description somewh #re like 'this is not a real thing it's just an AI generated image I made up' then fine. I still largely disagree with the ethics behind AI #art but at least it's informed. It's the fact that people just post images w/o context or beleive a falsehood about it.. then its aAAAAAA

[catboy-kakashi]

Noticing a pattern in your behavior that may be a sign of something much larger but instead of trying to analyze that you just quickly put the lid back on the oil fire and walk away

#i have some. problems. when it comes to food #i wouldnt call it like a disorder by any means #i feel like that would be trivializing what people with EDs go through #but uh. well i have been at someone else’s house petsitting and i’ve barely eaten anything besides the bag of veggie chips i brought #and im starting to think. maybe. i need to assess my issues with feeling like im allowed to eat or take food thats offered to me #without being explicitly handed the food and being told its for me #haha uhhhh. haha. anyway. i think i’ll cope with this by projecting onto fictional characters and then never self reflecting #​ camtankerous is whining #like they straight up SAID ‘theres leftover in the fridge! feel free to eat those!’ #but because they said that and not ‘thats for you!’ my brain says ‘theyll eat that if i dont. i should leave it for them. its not for me’ #like idk. like i dont DESERVE to eat someone elses leftovers??? thats so fucking SAD. that makes me sound like a stray dog or something #i havent had coffee for several days either bc asking how their coffee machine worked felt like admitting i was planning on taking #their coffee and like. maybe im not allowed to have coffee! thats THEIR fancy coffee #i newrly slept on the fucking couch instead of one of the TWO guest beds they told me i could use. whats wrong with me #negative #vent #sorry i just. ive been really stressed out the last few days and i needed to get this out #i straight up dont know where this behavior comes from. its not like my parents were abusive or didnt let me have food?? #its like im afraid to let myself enjoy things. who the fuck do i think is going to come and take it away or yell at me. #HAHA wow thats a wall of text huh. i should probably go to therapy! #if youre still reading this do not look upon my wretched form. i dont want you to think less of me for this

[homeless-clefairy]

Guess who has read too much in the "his smile is striking... But it doesn't reach his eyes" line.

But what if Claude has never felt genuine happiness in his life? Or what he felt was so fleeting and end so soon that he couldn't recall it? What if all his smiles are performative? What if he's so keen into feasts and celebrations because he hopes to get some of the happiness that comes from those? They're occasions to be happy, so if he goes to enough of them, maybe he'll learn how to be happy too.

What if his dream is because he feels the only way he'll be happy is when prejudice doesn't exist? When people don't see him as an outsider just for the reasons he was born? Maybe, when everyone can't see past their differences, and then join their hands in friendship, he'll feel happiness for once. Happiness unaltered with the fear of bein discovered, the paranoia of being targeted by people that don't know him, that only see him as an obstacle, as if he shouldn't exist...

But then, some nights he wonders, wonders what will happen if he achieves his dreams. That way, he'll be happy, but what if he doesn't? What if happiness doesn't show to him? What if he's actually twisted, that he'll never be happy no matter what he does?

#claude von riegan #fire emblem three houses #sorry for this ramble #I just read too much into one line #I should probably get some coffee before writing something

[corpsegold]

i need to get an overdraft set up so i can afford more alcohol. I cant cope with being awake or having emotions or being aware lmfao

#maybe I could be more productive with this state of mind tho #its hard to make meaningful steps when youre drunk #like time passes and things get progressively worse but at least if youre sober in pain you can do research #i need to find out how to build a bomb so I can walk into the woods and feed the birds my scrambled egg brains #cant be that bad right like its quick and painless then when people find the bones and identify you its like. less traumatic for them #than having to cut down a corpse or clean up a shotgun suicide #plus shotguns are expensive af #I need more alcohol #I ran out of drugs #I had some xanax and pregabalin but they make me wanna die even more lmao #i have loads of quetiapine and the gp wont give me anything except more quetiapine #but i hate it #it makes me wanna walk into a train and i gain 3 pounds a week #i want lurasidone #like camus said ig #should i kms or have a coffee? but then you just . feel shit but quickly TM #whatever #gp wont give me more of the fucking lamotrigine because i'm apparently already on a really high dose but i'm definitely fucking not #whatever we;re all gonna be dead soon right? who cares #shes convinced i'm manic or something #im like #oBVIOUSLY FUICKING NOT #I jsut slept for 30 fucking hours|!!!!

[4giorno]

omg oh yeah today is my name day

#hmmmm idk if theres even a real english term for this so name day it is hfjdhdjfjf #i forgot abt it but theres a radio playing here and they mentioned it #could i get my dad to make some food today for the occasion 🤔 #i know name days arent like a big thing you celebrate but i think theyre cute so i like to have something nice #just because when the day is #i was already thinking of going to get a cold coffee drink after work but i def should now! #unrelated but hhh i read the time of the *nstars maintenance wrong yesterday #and now i have to do my starry lives here at work 💀 #when i get home they will have already reset so thats why ⚰️ #the maintenance ends at 14 so i shall do the dailies right away #its just gonna be a pain to stop on the middle constantly #ill have to equip a support card that reduces voltage decrease bc im gonna be dropping the combo a lot #in* the middle

[milkweedman]

Had my first in person physical therapy appointment today and i feel like death

#she was very clear that if something hurt i should tell her and we'd stop but the problem is #the pain tends to come on a minute after ive already finished the movement #so it was like. did all the hip exercises. hip became a white hot ball of pain afterward #moved on to the spine exercises. spine became a white hot ball of pain afterwards. now we've done all the exercises #and absolutely everything hurts so bad #i also think it triggered a migraine #just weird. she did say i was very flexible (at least for someone in pain management) so i guess my goalie stretches #are still doin something. which is good because they hurt like crazy #anyway. pain and death etc #so tired as well. gonna get some coffee once the stupid streetcar finally deigns to show up #chronic illness

[vancilart]

if not your love, at least i have your hate

#the final advent just has a banger song after banger song #god my back HURTS #or my shoulders bc im hunched like a gargoyle #thats a big art piece oof ouch #there should be treats downstairs i should get some #oc stuff #stuff in space #i have a lot of thoughts abt them #they just need a good talk instead of just. vikas rolling over to expose his vulnerable stomach so raven doesnt feel so threatened #man feels threatened about everything #he just cant move past what happened but he really should #but vikas doesnt feel like its his position to tell him to move past it when hes the one who caused it #how do you encourage someone to move on from something you did #but one thing is certain is that they cant keep up with what they have #vikas wants to date and he wants to stay overnight at raven's and make him coffee in the morning and be like it was in the old times #as it is now he cant even talk to herah about his love life and he talks to herah about everything #and if raven isnt comfortable with dating and love and such then why keep trying #let the man heal in peace #vikas would just want to be a support if he cant be the boyfriend but neither is sure if thats possible #and raven is just dealing with all the emotions he never managed properly coupled with the abandonment trauma hes had since childhood #ALSO his health issues which include anxiety and paranoia #vikas is like well if i turned myself in would that bring you closure?? and raven's like noooooo dont do that youd go to prison nooo #he needs and wants support but the only person he can get support from is his ex who betrayed him most brutally of all #and he loves vikas he really does but he wants his love but he also hasnt moved on and doesnt know what to do #its a problem. they need to work on it