#i should call the health care center rn before falling asleep for a doctor's appointment for tomorrow morning if possible

[klaushardgreeves]

i learned today how to have access to work's U-drive from home so it's fucking over for me lads

#i felt like fucking wortless piece of shit and guilty af when i got home #and i managed to calm myself down some by working on smth for 45mins :) #i fucking hate trauma i fucking hate it hate it hate it #i can't trust anyone or anything #i had to rush home today because i could feel an anxiety attack pushing on for like three hours straight #and my head just felt like cotton and i couldn't focus on anything #but i had to stop to talk with a superior who. i fucking hate myself for not being strong enough rn #i'll fucking forever remember this as the busiest time of the year that i was absolutely fucking useless and disappointed everyone #idk we talked briefly he asked smth about the one fucking thing im doing at work today and i tried my best to answer #and then he said good night but switched to 'or well good day i suppose' cause he's somehow heard about me not sleeping until afternoon #and that almost made me cry like such a fucking stupid thing but i don't even know why he knows that #and my stupid brain went 'no im heading to sleep rn' #cause im so fucking exhausted! from just depression and self hatred and now guilt and just all things bad! #im wrapped in a cardigan. a soft blanket. under my ''sleeping blanket'' #listening to MUNA and trying to fucking breathe #it's 9am and i have to wake up at 5pm cause i decided to go to the barber's tonight #a pathetic attempt of self care and making myself feel a little bit better! #i should call the health care center rn before falling asleep for a doctor's appointment for tomorrow morning if possible #im like. i shouldn't be surprised i collapsed this fast and hard but im Useless suddenly #everything is weird and off at work and im being treated so weird i want to crawl out of myself #na.txt