#i say. knowing no one else actually knows what the fuck im talking about

[teddybeartoji]

thinking a lot of thoughts about bf!gojo :(

he will be the sweetest bf ever.. it's a bit concerning with how attached he is to you, bordering on codependency but he just cant help it he loves you too much :(( everytime youre both together on something like lunch with friends or hanging out the sight of you two is enough to give anyone who spares a glance cavities.. his eyes are so in love and hes always got that dopey smile on his face, his touch is always gentle and caring despite him being a teasing asshole sometimes 😭

and behind closed doors ... dear god this man is INSATIABLE.. always has to have a hand around you and touching you !!!! and his sex drive.. erm.. yeah.. idk i see him as the type to want to do it everyday because he just loves you too much and he doesnt know what to do with himself and all this love he has !!!! theres something sweet about him just always wanting you and wanting to make you feel good eufnhffhehrjfnf

the stark difference between you two being such a sweet couple in public but also .. having seen each other INSIDE OUT quite literally is so hot and cute.. :( that level of intimacy .. :((( BF!GOJO WE NEED YOU !!!!!! ok this has gotten too long im sorry HAVE A GOOD DAY THANK YOU

HIIII MY SWEETHEART I'M SORRY FOR THE WAIT!!!! BUT I'M HERE I'M HERE I'M HERE!!!!! I'M HERE AND I'M FEELING TERRIBLY SOFT FOR HIM AND I NEED TO HAVE HIM IN MY ARMS RIGHT THIS INSTANT!!!!!!! i agree with everything you've said nonnie!!!! and i am covering you in kisses as thanks!!!! mwah mwah mwah!!!! wait also!!!!!!!!!!!! more exclamation marks!!!!!! please please please don't apologize for rambling!!!!!!!!!! i will always hear you out!!!!! i want more actually!!!!!!!!!!!! please!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok everybody get comfortable bc i have some of bf!gojo headcanons for you!!!!

his pupils are literal hearts whenever he's with and whenever he's Thinking about you!!!! (i'm saying that his pupils are always like that)(he is simply unable to get you off his head)(he's not even trying)(he's so fucking in love with you).

he's constantly resting his head on your head or on your shoulder. this just came to me. he wraps his hands around your middle and he always gives you a squeeze!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and a kiss on your neck. and he probably (read: definitely) smells you. and then hums into your skin. omfg i need to hug him so badly. i am losing my mind here nonnie...

okay and i just talked abt him taking naps with you too, right? and i just can't stop thinking about him always taking pics of you whenever you fall asleep on top of him:(((((((((((((( drooling or not, he's taking the pic!!!!!! AND i truly believe that he has begged (literally begged down on his hands and knees) shoko and suguru, so that they'll take pics of the two of you together aswell!!! satoru has a folder with like a THOUSAND pics of you both just napping together:((( he goes through it whenever he's really missing you:(((((((

ok and he loves taking showers and baths with you. loves, loves, loves. he just wants to sit under or in the water with you, just feeling your skin against him. feeling your heartbeat against him. he likes the intimacy of it all. it's so tender and so soft and so loving and he just wants to do everything with you. he's gonna take a fucking piss with you if you'd only let him.

he loves your smile sm. this is such a basic little concept but he does. nothing else in this sick world brings him as much joy as your smile and laughter. and oh my fucking god his heart feels like it's going to explode whenever he makes you laugh (which is all the time let's be honest he's very fucking funny and he is not afraid of making himself look like a fool just for you<3). he loves it when you laugh at cat videos, he loves it when you laugh at whatever the fuck is playing on the tv and he loves it when you laugh at a joke one of his friends make!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he goes a little insane whenever he sees you having fun with his friends:((((((((((((((((((((( it just means the world to him:(((( and you and the younger ones too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omfg when he sees you coddling gumi and yuuji and nobara:((((((((((((((((( stop, he literally feels like he's going to cry every time i am also crying i can't do this anymore

btw he always swings your hands whenever his fingers are interwiened with yours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhh!!!!!!! and he has that big dopey smile on his lips again and his dimples are showing and he's laughing so loudly that everybody is turning to look at you both on the street but you couldn't care any less!!!!!!! how could you when your boyfriend is making your heart grow twice the size it was before and you just feel so giddy and so full of love and you want to kiss him stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he loves spending his morning with you. i actually think of him as more of a morning person actually idk how popular that concept is but yeah. don't get me wrong - he refuses to let you up from the bed for at least an hour after you wake up but he does have a lot of energy. he wants to kiss and he wants to hug and he wants to tickle and he wants you to play with his hair and he wants and he wants and he wants and you will give and give and give!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he's a little lovesick puppy and he needs your attention like he needs air!!!!!

and then he wants you to brush his teeth for him. yes. you read that right. he sits you down onto the bathroom counter and bares his teeth at you like the puppy that he is and HE'S SO FUCKING CUTEEEEEE FUCKKKK CUTENESS AGGRESSION IS SO REAL I NEED TO JUST SQUEEZE HIM A LITTLE AAAAAAAAAAA I NEED TO PINCH HIS CHEEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!! he still looks sleepy and his smile is so fucking big and his hands are resting on your hips, his thumbs are drawing hearts into your skin. and he most definitely kisses you before he actually rinses his mouth.............. and then laughs when the toothpaste gets all over you. it's a mess and he's laughing and you're in love.

he loves it when you baby him. he does ask for it as a joke but when you genuinely do it he gets a little flustered. the tips of his ears always turn into a shade of dark pink and he's looking at you like puss in boots. you know what i'm talking abt. big eyes, fluttering eyelashes - he loves you so fucking much. he loves it when you tuck him in bed, he loves it when you kiss his nose, he loves it when you pinch his cheeks i am biased i just said i want to do that don't look at me, he loves it when you tickle him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAIT STOP HE LOVES IT WHEN YOU TICKLE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! HE WANTS YOU TO STRADDLE HIM AND TICKLE THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF HIM HE WANTS TO LAUGH WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i died

he also loves it when you cling to him. in any way. hands around his neck, around his body, around his arms - it does not matter. he wants you to quite literally climb him like a tree. he loves it when you snuggle into him and when you refuse to let him go. and when you hold his hand and try to stop him from leaving. he's not going to go. it doesn't take a lot for him to give into you. he's folding immediately. he doesn't want to go either. he loves it when you're needy. he loves it when you whine. he loves it when you tease him. he might pop a boner. at everything you do. he just loves you sooooooooooo muchh!!

18+ HE IS INSATIABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE IS THEE LOVERBOY!!!!!! i think he does like to get a taste of you every single day, no matter whether it's actually having sex or it's eating you out or it's just making out or it's entertaining you with his beautiful slender fingers or it's dry humping etcetcetc. he wants to touch you, he wants to feel you - it's a must!!

i already said it but he loves intimacy!!!! like yeah ofc he likes his freaky sex as much as the next guy (he most definitely likes it more than the next guy) but he loooooves when he can just be in the moment with you!! he's always savouring you - holding your hand when his burying his dick deep inside you, he's snaking his arm around your body as he grinds into you from behind. he's licking and nipping at your skin because he just can't get enough of you. he's sucking on your tongue, he's pressing your hips down against his, he's kissing every fucking inch of your body. i truly think he wants to eat you and he wants to devour you and he wants to merge the two of you together forever<33

okay i have officially melted away... i am a puddle of love Goo... ily nonnie

#WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #HE'S SOOOO SWEET:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( #I AM FEELING SOOOOO SOFT ABT HIM RN:((((((((((((( #MY BABY MY LOVE MY DEAREST OF THEM ALL #ok didn't mean to make that rhyme but go off ig #i luv him i luv him i luv him #i want to kiss him i want to cuddle him i want to live with him i want to spend every second of my life with him i'm fine #mickey is daydreaming #angel boy #gojo satoru #gojo satoru headcanons #gojo headcanons #gojo fluff

[sonknuxadow]

you know i do wonder how many sonic characters actually have living parents. like knuckles is the last of his kind so obviously his parents arent around anymore. both guys who could be considered shadows dads are 100 percent confirmed dead. sonic is canonically an orphan im pretty sure. and on the other side of the coin cream is like the only character in the game cast who has a living parent we actually see onscreen. but what about everyone else i dont think theres a straight answer for any other character. other than rouge's mom being mentioned a couple times i Guess but we dont even know anything about her or if shes still alive just that she existed at some point. are these kids constantly putting themselves in danger because they dont have parents around to stop them or because their parents just dont care

#like what about tails. im guessing he didnt have any sort of family he was attached to if he left to be with sonic so quickly #but that doesnt really mean he didnt have parents at all. maybe he had parents and they just sucked i dont know #what about amy. what if she had parents this whole time we just never see them. #what about blaze. considering shes a princess id assume she was born into that role #but i dont know if her parents are ever actually mentioned #maybe theyre dead and there was no one else to take on their role and thats why blaze has so much responsibility at such a young age? #silver . he was born in a wet cardboard box all alone i cant really imagine him hvaing parents sorry #considering charmy is 6 and living with vector. an adult whos obviously not his biological dad. #i feel like something probably happened to charmys parents #espio i dont really question as much #becuase it feels very common in the sonic universe for teenagers to have more freedom than would be expected in real life #or maybe its not that common and the teenagers we're actually following are just living the most fucked up lives ever. i dotn know #but either way. espio where are your parents buddy. are they still alive. vector where are YOUR parents are they still alive #i dont know if i actually want canon explanations for all this though #because its kinda fun not knowing every detail about every characters life and being able to speculate and insert your headcanons n stuff #to be clear im talking about game canon #i know stuff like archie sonic and the sonic movies and the 90s cartoons will sometimes give characters new family members #or talk about their family situation even if the games dont say anything about that sort of thing

[skyburger]

"fnaf is the scariest game ever" "no its silent hill" "well i think its resident evil" everyone shut up!!!!!! youre all wrong. its actually zack & wiki quest for barbaros' treasure (on the nintendo wii) but only the level "keeper of the ice". that level scared me so bad as a kid and you can tell because its the only individual level i remember the name of off the top of my head. like there is nothing scarier than a) being chased and b) being on a time limit. and you know what this level has? BOTH OF THOSE. this level is still scary to me im like AHHHHH!!!! and then i die

#i had to google horror games after i thought really hard for silent hill and fnaf #because like. resident evil is just not a horror game in my mind... its just cool zombie game... #to be fair though. the only one i actually played a portion of was re6 which is probably the least scary one in the whole series #anyway do the kids still find silent hill and fnaf scary. i dont know. #well the former id say yes given how prevalent ps1 horror has been in recent years #fnaf i have no idea. im a massive wuss so its scary when i play it for myself #but watching someone else play them especially when i know them well isnt scary #and ive watched fnaf videos for YEARS #so i dont know. (old man voice) these damn kids... back in my day we watched markiplier scream at freddy fazbear and we LIKED it! #anyway its objectively a horror game and thata literally fine thats all i needed for this post #MY POINT HERE. my point here #IS THAT HIT ZACK AND WIKI LEVEL KEEPER OF THE ICE. IS SOOOOO SCARY #its not that scary but i see tjat level and im like 3 years old making my mom play this level for me again #and for the record yes me and my sister really did make our mom help us with z&w #she remembers helping us with frost breath the most because we like did notttttt get that one at all #and she could never remember how to do the mirrors based on what combination of stands is there (because tjeres like a few variations) #so she always had to look up a guide 😭😭 #my poor mother on fucking gamefaqs or something in like 2010... legends only #anyway if you have no idea what level im talking about (any of my oomfs reading this that isnt end) (hi end) PLEASE look up this level #and i need you to think of like a 5(?) year old making her mom play this game. #this aforementioned child is still a massive wuss as an adult btw. some things never change #anyway watch that level and think about how someone like me. whos already a scaredy cat! #imagine how someone like me felt at age 5 possibly younger playing this level #I WISH I COULD LIKE CONVEY EMOTIONS OVER TUMBLR. why cant i attach a .emotion file to this post #anyway ramble over <- hes said that like a million times today #scariest level in a game ever...!!!!! FUCK that keeper of the ice bitch im GLAD he died #muffin mumbles

[vamptastic]

i think my constant seething rage is honestly very reasonable. i literally live in florida.

#got in argument with a guy the other day abt idk. trans athletes #was basically him trying to explain what the issue is to me (i know. that's kinda step one to having an opinion on it.) #and then going yeah huh i guess you're actually right (i was) #and i was like okay great cool we're done here let me go to class and he starts talking about like #how he still loves trump for this and that reason kinda unprompted (sorry you lost an argument dude go introspect somewhere else im LATE) #and i was like yeah idk abt that. on account of all the corruption. and the foreign policy youre saying is like manly macho man strong is #mostly just wildly stupid posturing that's going to achieve nothing at best and world war at worst #and he goes no don't worry i think DESANTIS would be better for 2024 actually #and i. UNDERSTANDBLY. was like oh okay i cannot speak to you (because i am visibly shaking with rage) #and he goes well i think you are misattributing my intentions (cunt.) #and i said no no i don't think you're malicious i just think you're stupid and wildly misinformed #and then left bc i was about to either hit him or start crying (bc that guy has been like very tangibly ruining my life for months #and i genuinely cannot fathom what fucking tax issue or whatever one would value over like. my right to idk. Exist atp. #and also this coming from someone who just tried to be like no i know so many trans people i love trans ppl im not like those conservatives #like try to dig deep down into whatever rotted husk of a brain is left in your skull and fathom why i might have a strong reaction to your #support for DESANTIS and the SPACE LASERS WOMAN #you fucking idiot.) #and was that civil. No. and now i have to apologize to him bc i feel bad about it even though i fully meant it #idk its what i get for trying to change peoples minds with stupid things like #' statistics ' and ' a utilitarian perspective ' and ' existing legal basis for my argument ' #guys so wrapped up in their right wing bubble they just dont wanna hear it #n they always assume i mustve not heard their talking points and its like look at where we fucking live #and look at the state of the world. NOBODY in any form of mainstream news shares my politics lmao #you think i havent heard every conceivable argument abt trans people??? also you think im dumb enough to form an opinion without looking at #the other side? yeah man i know about the three trans women who have ever won a sports competition ever. do you? #do you even know their fucking names or sports or trial outcomes. #GOD just fucking. pseudo intellectual facist horseshit like pragru and infowars masquerading as legítimate sources #are making so many dumbass illiterate (i truly don't think they have the reading comprehension to decifer a study or even long article) #guys think they're gods gift to politics bc they listened to someone else tell them what a source says through ten layers of propaganda #just. uh. everyone should die forever and also learn to read.

[fideidefenswhore]

Catherine [of Aragon], [Princess] Mary, and Anne Boleyn are enemies of Cromwell and do not fare well at her hands. In fact, [Mantel's] focus on Cromwell seriously undermines the claim her account is more authentic than Michael Hirst['s].

Writing Mary I: History, Historiography, and Fiction

#hmm... #i mean #i don't think focus on one singular historical person as narrator (well . sort of. it's third person POV) automatically renders a work #'less authentic' #by this logic the only 'authentic' series is an ensemble #POV which i suppose the tudors is closer to but that's a very strict and limited criteria... #tbh this is just me pettily posting this quote bcus im so vindicated when this is said #in scholarly compliations lmfao #i agree with the conclusion but not the argument towards it if that makes sense. i have my own sort of... #(i think it's incidental that this is the case. you can still strive for authenticity in a first person close POV historical novel #it just doesn't occur often. see: tobg) #i've seen this as a criticism of BSR and it doesn't track #bcus the fleabag-style makes it explicitly clear this is all from AB's pov #'it's iNACCURATE that it says henry never loved coa FUCK this show' #'accuracy' re: feelings is a difficult premise in the 1st place but also #you cannot argue it's 'inaccurate' that ANNE thought that. bcus we don't know what she thought #the structure of the series is inherently her being interviewed and so it's clear this is the writers' guess on how she #justified her path to herself #and i actually found it to be a plausible one. again. accuracy or inaccuracy cannot be argued. you're talking about someone's feelings #/beliefs about someone ELSE's feelings (hers about henry's) #it's actually quite credible. considering we know that she did claim *she* loved henry more than catherine #that speaks to her feelings on #the matter ...which melds well to their interpretation on what else she might have felt on the subject.

[pepprs]

ok actually yeah. i really need to do dishes and go to bed and not stay up late mentalillnessposting a little too viscerally on tumblr the night before i facilitate a workshop in front of the literal president of the university and the vp of my division (LOL about that btw. actively shitting my pants.) but oh my GOD. so saying goodbye to lia was actually fine in the moment. neither of us cried and we talked about all the ways we’ll still be in each others lives and reasons we’ll have to interact in the near future. and she gave me an extremely heartfelt thoughtful gift and we left on a very hopeful note and i felt better and content bc there’s still the rest-of-life and we’ll see each other there. but like an hour before that as i mentioned i was HYSTERICALLY sobbing. in full view of people i know AND people i don’t. and i just sat there and sobbed while everything carried on around me. everything carried on around me!!! and i feel like im about to sob again thinking about it.

#purrs #delete later #idk. i typed a bunch here and then deleted it and now idk what to say. i just feel so lonely. i have had fucked up relationships with every #single older adult in my life and never had someone who could a) stay in my life b) be consistently present in my life c) meet my emotional #needs d) actually See me and accept me for who i am. Like not one person who can be all four of those things. and i have to be all four of t #those things for myself now because im 24 and i missed my chance. but how fucking shitty and painful is that? especially after a year like t #this. the way it’s literally ending the SAME way last year did. huge scary promotion (which i haven’t even talked about on here or to anyone #but lia today actually. but it might be huger and scarier than i thought. which is good but also HUGE -‘d scary. and not a bad thing of bc o #course but it’s so fucking… perilous? like it makes me feel profoundly imperiled because i have extremely good reason to feel that way. and #i have to endure the mortifying ordeal of applying for my own job AGAIN after the first time was so horrible. lol) and also losing a beloved #mentor figure who understood me in a way no one else did which mattered immensely even if they couldn’t do the whole presence thing or #whatever. and now i only have one older adult in my life left (aside from my therapist who doesn’t really count bc i only see her once a #week and we barely know each other still) who is like. here and helping me and i KNOW i am so sick in the head i KNOW and i should not be #writing it but every single day i am fucking terrified that i am being or will be separated from him emotionally or physically jsut like all #the others so. LOL!!!!! i am normal and well adjusted. but it’s like so fucking painful because im grasping at straws but again the reality #is im 24 and the only people on this earth who it is fair for me to expect all 4 from and who should’ve provided it to me are my parents. #and i missed my chance with them forever and now i have to do it myself. and that’s ok sometimes and i can handle it… except in the moments #where im sobbing hysterically and everything carries on. when i am in my darkest moments i want to run to an older adult and have them #comfort me but i truly cannot do that with any of the ones i still have left / regularly interact with for so many reasons. and it’s so #painful it makes me sick sometimes. and now i have to be the romy and the lia i wish to see in this world. but how can i do that when i #haven’t finished grieving over them leaving which feels like leaving ME — NOW — in this moment when i have never needed more support of that #kind more. how can isummon it within myself. im not ready yet. i need a long hug and a hand to hold that won’t (have to) let go. when im #crying i need someone to take me somewhere and comfort me and calm me down. and im 24 so i can’t ask for it. but oh my god i need it. and i #missed my chance. and lia left today and she only ever did that for me metaphorically but… tonight i feel more alone than ever. #and it’s like i don’t even have the emotional intelligence or whatever to ASK for that. bc im playing by ear and i don’t know how to read #the music of it. im self taught. that fucking sucks. that SUCKSSS. also that’s too strong a way to put it liek obviously my friends who are #closer to my age are INTEGRAL to me being able to function and i learn from them and cherish their support. but just like i can’t be a mom #to me my friends can’t either. so it’s like what the fuck do i do. get steamrolled by relentless grief and rage every day i guess. #also side note. everything carried on when i was in brighton too. i came home early ofc but it’s like nothing changed in my absence. and #that has fucked me up SUPREMELY. i think that might be a root of it. like hm… it seems my presence doesn’t have impacts. but idk

[caffeinatedopossum]

Not triggering just personal

I really need to vent about being asexual and sex repulsed but I feel like no one will understand and I get how a lot of the things I think will sound but I really just need to for once get these thoughts off my chest without having them being morally appraised because they *aren't* my morals, they're just things I can't change.

And I don't want people to TRY to change it either! Or to try to figure what ~hOrRiBle trAuMas~ could have possibly made me "this way". It's not that I think there's nothing wrong with me, it's just that this thing needs to stay neutral to me if I ever expect to actually understand it. I want people to stop morally appraising and physcoanalyzing my sexuality through the lense of inherent trauma!!

I just want to talk about this without feeling like I need to put a disclaimer before every sentence, explaining why I feel the way that I feel. I don't know ok! I don't know why I feel the way that I feel sometimes. I'm just doing my best and I wish more people would understand that. Maybe you don't get an explanation because this is my identity and doesn't need to be justified. I just want to understand myself.

#anyway that felt good #i hope this helps you guys understand in case i ever post some of the thoughts i was referring to here #i hope this helps you guys understand how big of a deal my asexuality actually is #its not just passively accepted #i have quite literally had to mask my asexuality MORE than my autism #i want to talk more about this but anytime i do at least one person is always there #suggesting im only asexual because of trauma or asking me what the fuck im talking about because i said something about being sex repulsed #or saying 'i used to be asexual too' -_- please just dont say this to me #im trying so hard to be a good person even when my deepest instincts go against some of my morals #i dont know if i can ever change those things either #i dont know whats worse #the idea that i need to be fixed somehow to better fit mine and everyone elses idea of a better and more likeable person #or the thought that this disgust is inherent to who i am and can never be changed #it hurts so much you dont understand #it hurts so much to think that rationally its good to accept people expressing their sexualities in healthy ways #but to be consumed by this contradictory instinct that make me recoil in disgust from even the people i love #it hurts and i just need someone to acknowledge that and that im trying and that it is difficult #and maybe even that its not my fault... though idk if id really go so far as to believe that #i wish i could've chosen to be anyone else sometimes

[novelcain]

I will never forget the day my former boss looked me dead in the eyes on my orientation day and said: I'm a great judge of character. I can tell that you're an extrovert.

Me nervously laughing because every time I had interacted with this man I was masking my ass off to get this job and most certainly was NOT an extrovert but also didn't want to somehow risk my new job by saying otherwise: Yep! You got me!

#there was also this one time i got this male customer by himself at noon so ofc he just had to talk to me #and this bitch literally asked are you always this bubbly? #and i said yes ya know like a liar #because wtf else am i supposed to say? #no i'm actually never like this and if my wages didn't come from GENEROUS tips of my customers i'd never show a single ounce of emotion #bc im autistic (didnt know it at the time tho) and i really hate dealing with bitches like you first thing in the morning #and then this bitch had the NERVE to ask me YoU wErE rAiSeD bY ChRisTiaNs WeReNT yOu? #and i was so shocked i didn't know how to respond and ended up fumbling out I'm actually not Christian #AND THIS MOFO HAD THE AUDACITY TO SAY oh i can tell but that's not what I asked #LIKE BITCH WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE #so me just wanting desperately for this conversation to be over i nervously say yes #and he says yeah i can tell you were raised by a good family #WHEN I TELL YOU THIS WAS THE CLOSEST I EVER CAME TO BREAKING I COULD FEEL MY EYE TWITCHING WITH HOW ANGRY I WAS #I SWEAR I WAS ALMOST SCREAMING AT THIS MAN ABOUT HOW TRAUMATIC IT WAS GROWING UP WITH A CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN FAMILY #luckily i kept my composure (and my job) and awkwardly replied haha yeah... i should go check if your food is done now #AND WHEN I TELL YOU I FUCKIN SPRINTED TO THE KITCHEN #istg you couldn't pay me all the money in the world to work customer service ever again #fuck that fuck olive garden and fuck that guy in particular #there's reason you was eatin lunch alone bitch

[fleshdyke]

absnskaisgbsj

#lost literally one of the best friendships of my life yesterday #i mean it’s been gone for a while i just never had the courage to talk to them about it until yesterday. and that basically confirmed it tbh #they didn’t say i did anything wrong but they also didn’t not say i did anything wrong and i’m v paranoid that i did do smth wrong #like i dont want to talk bad abt any of them bc genuinely i had so much fun with these people and im so glad i got to know them #like when i talked to them they were very dry ig? like not like their usual self at all even when talking to someone they dont know #definitely sounded like they were talking to someone they hated. im trying to tell myself taht its just my anxiety but ummm yeah idk i think #im actually right this time #idk. it just sucks man. im trying to think of what i did wrong bc i just dont know what happened #i think im overanalyzing every interaction i can remember having with these ppl bc i dont even want to entertain the idea that they might #have been bad people all along. i dont want to think that and i dont but idk it feels like an observation about myself that ive made from #the outside in yk. like half of me is feeling the emotional response and the other half is just watching from the outside like im someone #else. and i know this is a normal human thing but its just always weird yk #and then theres the whole awful thing of seeing shit that they would find funny or that reminds me of them. and i also dont know what im #supposed to do when school starts back up again bc we took a lot of the same classes and if i end up in a class with them idk if im supposed #to say hi or just pretend they dont exist or not and i dont want to make the wrong decision so they hate me even more yk #whatever man. it fucking sucks but life goes on. my dog is just chilling in my room rn and i’ll always have her and tia and my brother #rambles #vent

[sol1loqu1st]

i'm going to be seeing a new therapist later this month & i want to bring up possibly/probably having osdd, but i know that since more people have been kinda learning about what DID and osdd actually *are* there's been an influx of ppl claiming to have it (ftr it is NOT my place to tell people they're faking lmao, i don't care if someone claims to have a disorder and then later it turns out they don't & i don't think most ppl are "faking." it's between them & their therapist if they have it or not and it harms no one to self dx, people taking it less seriously isn't the fault of self dxed people either)

but anyway i'm worried that if i go into a therapist's office and immediately tell them i think i have Today's Trendy Disorder i won't be taken seriously. but at the same time there is really obviously *something* going on with me that isn't just normal depression & anxiety and treatment methods for bpd (like dbt, mood stabilizers, etc) haven't helped even a little bit over the several years i've been seeking treatment for it so i'm starting to suspect there's something else going on i haven't been seeing & honestly after talking with my last therapist abt stuff (who i was seeing for bpd/trauma stuff but looking back they were pretty obviously trying to get me to figure out i had a dissociative disorder, whether or not i do they certainly thought so) i'm realizing that some of the things i experience are a lot less normal than i thought and may be consistent w/ an osdd diagnosis (probably not DID because i don't really experience significant memory stuff though lol. i do a little but it's less "can't remember at all" and a little more like waking up from a dream where i can recall the gist of stuff but it feels far away)

i don't even know what id do with a diagnosis though. honestly i just want answers and a place to start in regards to treatment more than anything else

(advice welcome but not expected)

#idk though maybe it is just anxiety #lot of folks im seeing have like. this detailed internal world and talk to their alters and #have like very distinct separate identities and act really different and all that #my stuff is just like..... idk man #i thought i had osdd when i was a teenager but i eventually decided it was bpd mood swings and identity issues #and any memory stuff i did deal with was adrenaline from anxiety #and i'm still not convinced it's like #NOT that? #but the way people talk to me about myself when they're upset w/ me #like there's always this implication that i should be able to control what i do and say even when my emotions are boiling over #but i... Can't #if it's a situation where i could seriously fuck my or someone elses life up i can wrench back control of myself enough #to not get in serious trouble but when i get like how i do there have been times i literally know i shouldnt be doing something and #i want to stop so fucking badly and i just am basically watching myself fuck me over and make awful choices and i can't. stop myself #& i just. i always thought i was just making excuses for myself and that i was just. one of those horrible assholes #who acts like they cant control themself when they hurt others #(& i do take responsibility for the times i've hurt other people or lashed out unfairly. regardless of if it was me or an alter #it's still my responsibility to make things right) #but. idk. maybe it's not just that i'm a bad person #maybe there really is something actually going on with me and i can learn to cope w/ it in healthier ways #also shut up yeah the mp100 finale got me thinking abt this again ok. seeing mob helplessly watching from inside himself #as a Different Him went on a horrible unstoppable rampage. & the solution was that he had to accept the other him as part of himself #was. very much an 'oh' moment for me. so uh #yeah

[semercury]

Screaming along to songs in my car can unfortunately only do so much

#stuff sarah says #the world is so scary and im so scared like i dont think you get it #i am frozen with so much fear at the thought of everything and how unbearably complicated life has become #and everything is micro and idk how else to put it? just. microlables microtransactions micromanaging #i hate it all so much #and theres so many boxes? and they keep getting smaller and i just? maybe i dont want people to put me in a box #maybe i dont want to check a box maybe i dont want to round up my transaction maybe i dont want #microplastics. thats another one. theres fucking microplastics. in my teabags. #but maybe i want people to stop looking at me and assuming they know me bc i barely know me #i would like to just exist. i hate taxes. i hate wanting to throw up when thinking about talking to people about things #i hate hate hate worrying about every word that comes out of my mouth #i want people to stop using therapy lingo in daily conversations and also everyone needs to stop fucking yelling #i havent been taking my thyroid medicine and im so cold and i wonder if thats affecting my mood too #anyway what do you think happens when we die? like i know what a lot of people think happens but what actually happens? you know? #is any of it...? like? you know? #im going to start crying ha ha ha #i watched some sad episodes of a show. also i maybe started my period #i never fully know anymore when it starts. my body is fucked lmao #why am i typing all of this? i dont think anyone should actually care about any of this #idk i just want things to be simple again

[yellowhearther0]

girls when they are trying their best but their best isnt good enough 😔😔

#sagittarius.txt #negative #stopped gaming and the horrors have returned #im just so fuciing pissed off. at the circumstances. in general #bc im stuck sittubg here with these shit ass feelings that no one can jack about until im either old enough to do something about it or #like. idek. #bc itsblike i cant say shit to my parents bc they wont take me seriously and lird knows i dont trust any of the adults at my fucking school #and im not going to make the handful of peiple i CAN talk to more worried about me when they already have atuff going on and they cant do #anything abt what im dealing with #but i dont even WANT to go to anyone because i dont wanna get mad at people when they tell me things i alreadybknow because i KNOW theyre #tryijg to help and they cant do much and its liek GRAH #im justvin such a shit plce bc i want to reach out but i have to do it of my own violition or else i'll just fucking shut down #im like a scared dog. in a cage. and he'll come to u if u just leave him be and let him do his own thing #but like. if im the svared little dog than everyone else is the big scary human who i slowly inch closer to and then suddenly the stick out #their hand right as im near them and then i run right back to where i was before and then we're back at square 1. does this make sense #and its litwrally no ones fault but my own #i just never know how to tell what other people are thinking so i think i project how i feel about myself onto what i thibk others rhing of #me and so i go into every potentially vulnerable conversation with my guard drawn high because im just expecting people to get sick of me #always complaining but never actually trying to better myself #idk man #im normal #i peomise

[todayisafridaynight]

Its SO upsetting how often the bad guys don't get to have a lasting turnaround. You see it with random side characters, but c'mon guys. Just let them go to prison for a little while and have them come back. I promise you do not have to kill a character off, or base the character off a real life person, thus narrowing their chances of a return even thinner, while building up the possibility of a comeback. This franchise has cursed me with such lovable characters I'll never see again, and my heart can't keep at it like this.

I'm gonna have to just take that suddenly-dropped-off-a-cliff-storyline into my own hands. Gotta pick up all the slack. They're too good at giving tender, heart wrenching moments to characters we'll never see again. Way too good.

Not sure if you know the streamer Crystal, but her reaction to the ending of 3 was the most extreme I've ever seen. She was full on breakdown sobbing, and even the chat was asking if she was okay. RGG look at the hearts you're breaking out here 🙃 Also, your posts about Mine and that ending are beautiful, and you could talk about it a million times. It'll never get old.

the most egregious- pardon the pun- execution of this trope in rgg games is aoki's death.

like legitimately, his death did not need to happen. the past antagonists you could make a decent point for why their deaths were justified (ryuji's probably being the goofiest ngl) but aoki's felt as though rgg was just checking off a to-do list.

i don't really watch rgg content creators, but if someone could send me a clip of that i'd be down to watch: always a fan of watching people be emo over Y3's ending

and speaking of, thank you i have strong enough mental illness that all i can do is talk about that scene over and over again :)

#snap chats #the worst part is im only partially joking about being mentally ill #like i just think of that one directioner fan being a super fan until they took medication and then they were normal #pretty sure if i did the same I Too would have shut up four months ago but to our benefit/dismay medicine's hard to get so <3 #i am simply a dog chasing its tail and by that i mean i will simply talk about mine and y3's ending until i die #or until my mental illness latches onto something else idk #but yeah it sucks dick how rgg does so many great and emotional scenes #but like. we never get to fully see that pay off with characters like mine or aoki #like i want to see them have to face the consequences of their actions- ESPECIALLY mine #mine makes me the most deranged Obviously but i just want to know how daigo would react and treat him #we only get a semblance of how daigo felt after Y3 via the rggo story but its not enough #i want daigo to be upset with mine i want mine to HAVE to work things through with daigo #because unfortunately i dont think daigo would just cut mine off i think he still would try to figure out what the fuck was going on #idk i just need something to happen to mine that crushes him and has him rethink his ways a bit #'crushes' yk like. something beside the pavement--- #i wouldnt want him to totally change tho. i like him deranged but just channel that deranged behavior to their benefit #brb thinking about mine saying he wouldnt be acting up if daigo didnt get shot again jesus christ i think of that line every day #OK I HAVE TO GO DO A COMM RN ACTUALLY I'LL BE MENTALLY ILL LATER BYYYE FEEL FREE TO SEND ASKS AND ENABLE ME

[pears-trinkets]

.

#the whole vet situation gives me such trauma whiplash im too busy with that that i havent really given myself a chance to process today #all i can think about is how painful eating must be for mischa #i noticed she slowed down a bit and wouldnt eat kibble or hard snacks but i thought it might be one single tooth ache idk #i actually thought she was doing better because she slowed down because she has been gulping down food way too fast since the shelter #the last time she had tooth problems like 2-3 years ago i asked a friend to come with me to the vet and she said omg yes of course #and then she resumed texting me normal stuff throughout the day of the appointment and only after i didnt reply the whole day she noticed #like 10 hours too late she was like OH SHIT HAHA!! and this is literally what happens every time when i ask someone to be there for me #when i make myself really vulnerable and ask for help and say that i cant do something alone they let me down #while knowing that i have no one else #i asked my mom to come to the vet once and she literally only talked about herself the whole time distracting me #and then she was like haha yeah lets just drop off the cat at home and go get some lunch hihi!!!! #she never remembers vet appointments even when we just talked about them and loves making fun of me for being stressed and tense #like OH NO WONDER YOU WERE MOODY like im on my period or something #i texted a friend about mischas health issues and me losing my job and she hasnt replied since january and doesnt really talk to me anymore #so i guess that friendship is done too #ill have to go there on thursday alone and overdraft my account and wait until the evening and care for mischa all alone #i cant even talk with someone about this because no one understands or judges my emotions and no one cares anyway #and then ill have to go back to work where everyone knows that i will be gone soon and will pester me about it #they all think of me as a temporary intern anyway and ask WHEN WILL YOU GO FIND A REAL JOB while they make me do theirs #everything and everyone at that job is so horrible and so many people leave and they never learn #a colleague i helped teaching everything suddenly turned on me &my other colleague & made our lives miserable while badmouthing us viciously #and everyone in the office chose her over us and let her get away with it while she screamed at us and behaved like a child #its so ironic how i stayed because i needed money to live and now when i go i will have 0 because of the surgery #i mean its worth it but like #what the fuck is life and what will it fucking be next month