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#i say yes 100 times to the cost of my happiness and health but she focuses only on the 1 no.
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#ok this is my vent post!#tw vent#hazel vents#vent#so i said my body my choice at the dinner table. apparently thats not a correct statement#cue argument my parents dtarted and me getting in trouble for being in an arguing mood#also she has insulted/made me feel bad every time we have spoken today#and she has to make a big thing out of everything#they told my sister that she didnt get punished because it was not her fault#yet i get punished for wanting to be respected apparently#or if my mum does something wrong and i get the blame#and also she insults my baking (something im quite proud of) my skin (every 5 minutes) and my friend. who i love#theyre also slightly homophobic and i dont think ill be out to them until i leave#but i need them to pay for uni so i have to be the perfect little daughter at the cost of my happiness#i know im not their favourite. i can even go as far as to say she doesnt like me. but can't she at least pretend to#and i have it good. theyre good parents. they buy me things#im mostly free to do what i want but they hurt me. and i can't go to them if im happy (she said she doesnt care about my interests) sad#they make fun of me or hurt because its my fault#i say yes 100 times to the cost of my happiness and health but she focuses only on the 1 no.#and i love my sister but she is the favourite the girly girl and even though she is moody and spoilt she always gets what she wants#its not fair. i dont think ive ever heard them say theyre proud of me. my best is never good enough. i get 99% they say they expected 100#and ask why i couldnt be like the girl who got 100. why i cant be top of every class. i used to fight for their approval and crave it#but now i just dont care. i just want to leave home and be free to be myself without being judged and made fun of#i used to act adult so they would respect me. but i got laughed at so now ill be the immature bratty stupid baby she thinks and acts like i#am#sorry for all the negativity! i love you all and hope everything goes better for you too! because i have it easy a d if i do then#you deserve better#youre all so amazing and good and i wish you had the lives you deserve
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kinanabinks · 3 years
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ok k so you mentioned koala! steve likes spoiling y/n, what kind s of things does he buy her?
yes, steve goes absolutely crazy when it comes to spoiling his koala bear. he just wants to shower her with everything she deserves 🥺 first 3 parts of his koala bear are in my masterlist if you haven’t yet read!
this got so detailed and LONG wtf. why am i incapable of writing a quick answer i’m sorry
first, let’s get into the origin of why/how/when steve fell in love with the idea of spoiling his best girl
when you were kids, steve's mother would give him $10 every week. usually, he'd buy himself some pokémon cards or a couple of comic books.
when you asked where he got money from, he was confused.
"it's my pocket money."
you were utterly dumbfounded at the idea of a parent giving their child money, every single week, letting them spend it on whatever they wanted. your ma didn't have the best job, and she barely had enough money to keep the house and feed you both three times a day. you were lucky if she let you keep the 50 cents change after a grocery shop, so you were absolutely shocked that steve was given 10 entire dollars week after week, even when he got in trouble, and sometimes even more than 10 if he had been good.
when steve found out how alien the concept of spending money on unnecessary things was to you, he was taken aback
you had been conditioned to always look for the best bargains and cheapest deals from shopping with your ma. you'd wince when steve spent $6 on snacks from the candy store, knowing that walmart had much cheaper options
it almost physically hurt you to watch him so haphazardly throw his money away, but you knew it wasn't your place to comment
steve connected all the dots when he found out you didn't know what pocket money was. he realized that it wasn't something every kid was privileged enough to get, and he felt like it was unfair because if anyone deserved to buy nice things for themselves, it was you
so steve took it upon himself to remedy that
it started with him putting aside half of his pocket money for you. after you adamantly refused to just take $5 for him, he knew he had to instead just buy you what you wanted then force you to take it
he'd buy you the comics you'd usually just skim over before putting them down when the comic book guy yelled at you for reading without buying
he'd 'accidentally' buy too many snacks and need help finishing them, which you were always happy to do
after a few months of that, steve noticed how much better it felt to gift you things instead of buy himself stuff
the smile on your face when he gave you the newest edition of batman and robin's adventures. "i bought it for myself then i remembered that i hate batman. oh hey y/n, you like batman, right?"
the laughter of surprise when he handed you the pokémon card you'd been wanting for months. "found it on the ground. can you believe that?"
the knowing look when he gave you your favorite chocolate bar after lunch. "you've been really sweet today, so i'm making sure your body doesn't run out of sugar."
soon, putting aside $5 for you turned into $8. and then, he was spending the entire $10 on you.
he slowly opened you up to the idea of accepting his gifts, and you knew there was no way he'd let you refuse or return anything
then you got a little older.
with puberty came the desire to look pretty and fit in with the other girls.
instead of cards and comics, steve caught you enviously looking at the girls in class who showed off their perfumes and rings and lip glosses
he was happy to provide you with all of those things. 
brock rumlow commented that you were changing; that you used to be one of the guys and now you were turning into an annoying girly girl just like the others, but steve had none of it. he told brock to ‘fuck off’ and everyone was shocked - he was the first in your year to say a curse word
he didn’t care that your wants were changing. so what if you weren’t all that interested in batman’s latest villain anymore? you were still his best girl.
you still had sleepovers and watched scary movies and planned your futures out together. your hobbies and interests outside of your friendship with steve were changing, but your relationship only strengthened
he started saving up to buy you bigger gifts. he didn’t want you to have the same charm bracelet as janice; he wanted you to have a better one. one that was real silver, and with prettier charms than you could dream of
your mother became curious as to how you were suddenly wearing expensive perfume and red lipstick, but she just assumed you were shoplifting. eh, you were a kid so you wouldn’t get arrested. she’d wait until she got a call from the police before she got involved.
so that’s how it went. steve saved up for weeks, sometimes months to buy you fancy things, and then he got a job when he turned 16. that made it even easier to treat you.
when he got all big and buff and girls started paying attention to him, his girlfriends hated that he spent more money on you than him. but they quickly learnt not to utter a single complaint about you unless they wanted to face his wrath
so let’s actually answer the ask now and let’s fast forward to New York. steve LOVES SPOILING YOU.    
he treats you to a spa weekend EVERY. SINGLE. MONTH. sometimes he joins you when he’s been feeling particularly stressed with his work or his marriage, but most months he lets you have it as some alone time to be pampered and taken care of by the best in the city.
he keeps an eye out on the perfume and make-up market, knowing how excited those things make you. he gets advice and help from his assistant when it gets confusing. she forwards him a list of all the newest products and he tells her to order all of them to the office (not the sample sizes either, the biggest bottles and full packages), and she assumes it’s for sharon
it’s not for sharon.
CLOTHES. steve fucking loves seeing you in an outfit he bought for you. you have to do a big clear-out of your closet every few months and give stuff you’ve worn only once or twice to charity because there is no way you could keep all of it. you’d end up on that tlc show about hoarders. what’s it called again?
J E W E L R Y. this motherfucker LOVES seeing your skin draped in the finest silver and gold and diamonds and gems, as if he’s decorating you. he keeps the jewelry to a minimum, though, because it can only be the best and most meaningful for you. he researches the meaning behind every kind of jewel before buying it, making sure it’s fit for his angel. and there’s nothing better than placing a necklace around your throat and clasping it closed, his hands lingering over your soft skin.
steve rogers will never get used to the feeling of slipping a ring onto one of your fingers.
TECH. he’s the fucking CEO of a tech company after all! he kits out your apartment with the coolest shit, like a fridge that can answer you when you ask it if you have any avocados left, and a mirror that shows you what you’d look like in certain clothes so you don’t have to try on a million different outfits every morning. you always have the latest Stark phone. and he buys you pretty phone cases.
NAAAAAAAILS. holy fuck, steve loves how your pretty hands look with fresh claws. every month, he paypals you $100 and titles it with whatever color or design he wants you to get. they never cost that much, but he just acts dumb when you try and tell him that.
“get them long and black. and sharp x”
“red.”
“get them to match that pretty pink dress i bought you for the gala this weekend.”
“rainbow. pride march tmrw x”
“surprise me.”
“get that metallic chrome thing like that woman in the bar last night. don’t worry, yours will look better x”
“pink with little red hearts. you’re my valentine this year.”
FOOD. steve could honestly watch you eat all fucking day. especially when it’s something that tastes good and makes your eyes light up and those pretty moans leave your mouth.
usually it’s desserts and junk food that elicits the best reaction, but he worries about your health so he tries his best to introduce you to some healthier food too
he takes you to the finest restaurants and makes you try things like caviar and truffles, chuckling when he sees how shocked you are that rich people food can actually taste good
as a little sideways jump from food, ALCOHOL. not just cheap liquor to get you drunk, but fancy wines and champagnes. you look so fucking exquisite sitting on an exclusive roof-top bar, the NYC skyline behind you, wearing a slinky, expensive dress and sipping on a glass of overpriced pinot noir.
ENTERTAINMENT. this man wants nothing more than to fill your life with fun and culture. he pays for your netflix and amazon prime and disney+ subscriptions (after hours of arguing with you about it), but he also drags you to ballet shows and the theatre, knowing how much you love a good swan lake performance
you have your eyes hooked to the stage as the dancers float and fly or the opera singer bellows out or the live orchestra plays perfectly, but steve stares at you the entire time. he watches as you almost tear up when the music gets intense, the stage lights lighting up your face just enough for him to make out your gorgeous features.
this man hates musicals but he sits through them for you. and he doesn’t even mind when you carry on singing the songs all the way home. and he stays over at yours so that you can sing him to sleep.
did someone say VACATION? steve loves sending you on girls’ trips to places like hawaii and bali, and he even gives you one of his credit cards and makes you VOW you’ll only use it and not a single penny of your own.
BIRTHDAYS. steve goes absolutely insane for your birthday. he once rented a HUGE boat, just for the two of you to drive around in. another time, he flew you all the way to the swiss alps because you had always wanted to learn how to ski. the following year, he took you to the french alps. he’s hinted that this year, he’s taking you to finland. 
OTHER SHIT STEVE SPOILS YOU WITH >>>
helicopter rides! new york has never looked so gorgeous.
5 star hotel suites! or the fanciest penthouses airbnb has to offer (but steve has trust issues when it comes to your safety so he prefers hotels). your job sometimes requires you to travel to other states, and sometimes you even have to go out of the states. steve hates when you’re away, but he makes sure you’re put in the BEST hotel/apartment and even sends two security guards to keep an eye on you. he doesn’t tell you about coulson and fury, though, because he knows you’ll hate that he’s assigned bodyguards to you.
HIS LOVE! this man spoils you with every inch of devotion he has. honestly i feel bad for sharon because of how big the place in his heart is for you. there’s literally 0 space for anything or anyone else. he would protect you over everything. you are his number one priority, always. he’d put every dollar he’s ever made into keeping you safe and making you happy. 
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bokunosimpfiction · 3 years
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Yandere!Heisenberg x Reader Pt 3
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A/N: Since y’all demanded a plot that’s what you’ll get. Will it be good? No. I’ve never written anything with a plot in my entire life. Ever. Not even when I did Nanowrimo or whatever. I just bullshitted the whole thing. Like I’ll do with this fic. Y’all are going to have to remind me to update because I have the attention span of a goat. I’ll try to update this on Saturdays??? IDK at this point. ALSO, WHY THE FUCK IS THIS SO POPULAR?????????? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY NOTES THIS HAS ON AO3???? 69????SIXITY FUCKING NINE??? I HATE EVERYTHING MY LEGACY WILL BE READER CALLING HEISENBERG DOOFSCHMIRTZ I HATE EVRYTHING DSHFUGSADFJ
Synopsis: You have totally, %100, given up on escaping. Totally. You haven't been gathering supplies for one, final last hurray. Nope. Totally not. All you have to do is persuade Heisenberg of that so you can change your mind at the last minute. Y’all know the trigger warning for this series but if you don’t tw:kidnapping (implied)
Taglist: it’s exclusivly @localdepressedvampire​  so if you want to be on it for just this story or for all my pieces fill out the google doc in my pinned post or dm me and I’ll put you on it. :)
             You’ve made a breakthrough in your long-term plan of escapism. Even with the mini escape attempts that were really about exploring the factory and less about actually trying to get out, you hadn’t made a lot of progress: until now.
             Well, two, really… Okay, maybe 1 ½. Firstly, you found a sawed-off two-barrel shotgun. With ammo. In fact, there was a various amount of ammo around the factory, but no actual gun. Until now. The second discovery, which is nowhere near as useful, was a window. Which was probably 50 or more feet up from the ground. You didn’t get a chance to inspect it that much, considering as soon as you saw it and got a glimpse at the far-off ground, you had to run again from Lycans.
             Which gives you a basic idea of a way to escape. You knew where the ammo was, you knew where the gun was and had a route to the edge of the building, and hopefully could find stairs at the end of the hallway. Now all you had to do was find a time where you could be gone long enough to get a decent head start before, he notices you’re even gone. Even when he was in the workshop, he kept a close eye on you, keeping you in arms-length to the point where it taxed on both of your mental health.
             And even then, in that chair in the small room, you watch him work in the finer details on something the size of your head and torso. You try not to look at the phone in your lap, he doesn’t even know you have it, much less how great the reception is in the building. How did he not know about his old phone that was still working fine? Oh well, he doesn’t need to know you’re looking at memes and reading feel-good wolf-star fanfic on ao3.
             The best idea you had was to leave him while he was asleep, but there were two some issues with that: he clung to you like his life depended on it, your back to his chest and arms around you almost tight enough to keep you awake; it was dark as hell in the hallways of the factory as is, but it would be impossible to navigate safely with the lights; and the Lycans were most active outside at night, which was where you were trying to go. They’ve tried to eat you before as they show no discrimination on food.
             The only way to get a good enough head start would be to leave while he didn’t notice you were gone, and wouldn’t notice for a long, long time. And that when it hit you. The only time he ever left you by yourself was when he had to deal with the other three lords. And while he left you in that basement that you originally woke up in, you had memorized your way out and found that going up five flights of stairs took you to that faithful widow.
             Would you have enough time to explore and look for an actual exit/entrance, or should you play it safe and find a way to go out that window. You wanted to laugh to yourself, you’d never think that going down a 50ft plus drop would be considered safe, but here you were, kidnapped and held hostage by one of the people your late grandmother warned you not to associate with, or even go near. The letter you received directly quoted “the four lords and their mother, Mother Miranda, are not to be approached or associated with at any costs. You’ll know them when you see them, they smell like death and money. See them and run.”
             You can’t help but find that ironic, considering that you did try to run, heeded her warning, and still faced the consequences that were far worse than she had warned you about. You regretted coming here, to this small village, when you first arrived: no friends, and even those you tried to approach held you to her standard and expected them to be just like her. You were far from her kind and optimistic nature (at least that’s what you heard of her; you hadn’t even known of her whereabouts until she was dead).
             Even the duke, who had helped smuggle you into the village, didn’t seem fond of you. It was a shame, you tried so hard to impress him. But he saw you to a point where you could easily reach her old cottage without having too many issues, turned his cart around, and left without a good-bye. It bothered you to no end that your only companion for about a year or so was an elderly outside cat and the creaking noises the walls made at night.
             And then the cat died and not even a week later you got kidnapped. You never considered yourself lucky, but damn if that wasn’t the worst streak of luck you’ve had in a long time.
             You pretend to turn a page in your book and scroll through your Instagram feed, seeing friends having fun at the beach, or studying at the library, or your old best friend taking selfies in provocative clothing to your ex-boyfriend. Did she forget he cheated on you? She wasn’t always the smartest, but she brought that heartbreak upon herself. You see a photo of your mom, she had posted a picture of a black and white photo of her with her mom, you’re guessing, you have no idea who that old woman is.
             This is the last photo I had with my mom before she died. We lost contact after I moved out. I wish we parted on better terms, Nana.
             She’s in a prairie dress, holding an ancient-looking key in one hand, and the other wrapped around her mom, a middle-aged woman with long hair in two braids and a face that had too many stress wrinkles. You guess your mom was as bad as you were in college. The background looks dreary. You would have guessed it to be the quality of the photo if you hadn’t recognized the house behind them as the house you lived in used to live in.
             The loops on the handle of the key look familiar. You spread your fingers apart to zoom in and see the blurry engravings on the side. It was the payment you gave to sneak into the village. You thought it was a worthless family heirloom at most and found it strange that he had even found interest in the key, or even valued it deeper than money in general. Maybe this photo or other photos of you and your family would help out.
             Why is that key suddenly piquing your interest? Were you that bored, as to sit there and think about a key that was at least twice your age? A key that you didn’t even have. You needed a hobby besides escapism and rejecting your captor’s sexual advances. You look up at him again, only to find him leaning against the desk, hat off and sunglass placed on his forehead, his gaze on you. It wasn’t his normal piercing one, that studied you and calculated your every move, but soft and lazy. His current gaze was dreamy; he was daydreaming about you. You found that equally undaring s it was unnerving.
             “Karl.”
             “Yes, Sweetiepea?” Honestly, what the fuck.
             “Firstly, why are you staring at me like that? Secondly, that is the most disgusting way to use that pet name. I need to take a shower after you called me that.”
             He chuckles light-heartedly. Even his softer more genuine, happy chuckles are booming and loud. “Okay… Sugarplum!” And he busts out laughing.
             Clearly dodging the first question and focusing on the second. You can’t believe you gave him ammo for his annoying-you-gun. And you thought you’d grown immune to most of his… less-savory traits. Were you growing used to him? Next thing you know you’re going to like him and develop Stockholm syndrome!
             “You’re a shit head, hobo magneto…” You turn your head away and let your hair cover half your face so he can’t see you smile. You’ll miss him when you escape and get the duke to smuggle you back to your home in Bucharest. But only a little. Just because calling Heisenberg these names are funny.
             “Why don’t you call me by my name, I know you know it.”
             “You sure about that?” You quip back.
             “You’ve lived with me for at least two months now!”
             “Hm…. I think I know your name! It’s uh…” You are totally faking not knowing his name. “It’s… Heidi Carlson? Yeah, that sounds about right!”
             “It’s Karl Heisenberg!”
             “Quit being so silly, Heidi! Maybe it’s nap-time!” This was a little too fun.
             He looks back at his project for a moment and genuinely considers it. “I know you’re being antagonistic but you’re probably right.” And with that, he walks towards you and goes to scoop you up. You have to shut your book quickly in order for him not to notice the phone in between its pages before you let him pick you up.
             He immediately notices that. “Are… Are you sick?”
             “No! Of course not!” Because you genuinely aren’t sick, and he’s already up in your business as-is, you don’t need him dotting on you because he thinks you’re sick or something. You’ll go fucking crazy.
             “You’ve put in zero effort into anything remotely physical since your last little failed escape attempt.” He gave it a little bit of thought. “You’ve given up, haven’t you, and you’re just depressed about it aren’t you?”
             You want to say no, you really do, but if Heisenberg thinks you’ve given up on escaping, perhaps it’ll give you enough space to plan the big one. The reverse heist so to speak. “No- I… okay maybe I have but I still don’t like you.
             He leans down and presses a kiss to your forehead. “Good girl. Now let’s get us that well-deserved nap.”
             You plug your nose and turn away as a joke. “You’ve gotta take a bath first, you smell like oil and sweat.” You don’t fight it, because you have to play the part, but you still have to act a little bit like yourself.
             “Okay, fine doll, but don’t think you’ve escaped my barrage of affection, because as soon as I get out of the shower-“
             You bonk him. And he looks at you so confused before he smiles and leans down to nuzzle his nose against yours. You try to hold the bile back in your mouth and lean forward and peck his lips before leaning back. You failed at trying to not visibly gag.
             “Ew… I can’t believe I just kissed you.”
             “Well, I guess someone caught feelings… Didn’t they?”
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woman-loving · 3 years
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I’ve been reading some articles about lesbian identities in Indonesia, from the late 80s to the 00s, and wanted to share some quotes that highlighted a couple trends that I’ve also noticed in reading about butch/femme communities in other countries.
1) There are different expectations about sexual distinctiveness and marriage to men are attached to butch and femme identities. There is a greater expectation that femmes will marry men, and femmes more often do marry men, though some butches do as well. Marriages to men seem to be for convenience or in name only, and women may continue to have female lovers.
2) Distinctions are made between real/pure/positive lesbians (butches) and other lesbians (femmes) who are “potentially normal.” This shows the flexibility of lesbian identity, where they can be gradations and contradictions in what it means to be a lesbian (e.g. a woman being a lesbian but not a “real lesbian"). The category has cores and peripheries, rather than everyone being equally lesbian or else completely outside of it.
3) There are disagreements between members, which cross butch/femme lines, about the meanings of these identities and whose lesbianism or community involvement should be taken seriously. The first passage describes femmes as engaging in a “more active appropriation of lesbianism as a core element of their subjectivity.” The boundaries of lesbianism can potentially expand or contract as people struggle to define it.
4) People don’t always meet the community expectations attached to their identity.
I think these passages help complicate the picture of what lesbian identities can look like, and some of these same tensions and debates are common features of lesbian identity in many different cultures. I also think these issues--the (differential) weight given to relationships with men, the notion of positive versus negative lesbians, and the active appropriation of lesbianism by peripheral members--are relevant to bisexual interest, since these questions also shape bi women’s engagement in lesbianism/lesbian communities. (And we can say that without claiming that any particular women in these narratives are “really bisexual.”)
Anyway, without further ado... (this first one picks up right in the middle of a passage because I couldn’t get the previous page on the google preview :T)
From “Desiring Bodies or Defiant Cultures: Butch-Femme Lesbians in Jakarta and Lima,” by Saskia E. Wieringa, in Female Desires: Same-Sex Relations and Transgender Practices Across Cultures, eds. Evelyn Blackwood and Saskia E. Wieringa, 1999:
“[...]negative lesbians. We are positive lesbians. We are pure, 100% lesbian. With them you can never know. Before you know it, they are seeing a man again, and we are given the good-bye.”
Father Abraham, who had entered during her last words, took over. “Let me explain. … Take Koes. Again and again her girlfriends leave her. Soon she’ll be old and lonely. Who will help her then? For these girls it is just an adventure, while for butches like Koes it is their whole life.”“Yes, well, Abraham, … my experience is limited, of course, but it seems to me that the femmes flee the same problems that make life so hard for the butches. So they’d rather support each other.”
“In any case,” Sigit added, ‘they have become active now, that’s why they’re here, isn’t that so?” And she looked questioningly at the three dolls behind the typing machine, Roekmi and my neighbour. The most brazen femme had been nodding in a mocking manner while Sigit and I were talking.
“So we’re only supposed to be wives? We’re not suited for something serious, are we? Maybe we should set up a wives’ organization, Dharma Wanita,[23] the Dharma Wanita PERLESIN? Just like all those other organizations of the wives of civil servants and lawyers?” …
“Come on, Ari,” Sigit insisted, “why don’t you just ask them? You could at least ask them whether they want to join?” Ari found it extremely hard. Helplessly she looked at the other butches.
“Do you really mean that i should ask whether our wives would like to join / our / organization?” One of the butches nodded.
“Ok, fine.” She directed herself to the dolls.
“Well, what do you want? Do you want to join us? But in that case you shouldn’t just say yes, then you should also be involved with your whole heart.”
“You never asked that of the others,” the brazen femme pointed out, “but yes, I will definitely dedicate myself to the organization.” Roekmi and the two femmes at her side also nodded. (Wieringa 1987:89-91)
The above example is indicative of the social marginalization of the b/f community. it also captures in it one of its moments of transformation. The defiance of the femmes of the code that prescribes the division of butches and femmes into “positive” and “negative” lesbians respectively indicates a more active appropriation of lesbianism as a core element of their subjectivity. At the same time it illustrates the hegemony of the dominant heterosexual culture with its gendered principles of organization.
Yet, however much the butches conformed to male gender behavior they didn’t define themselves as male; their relation to their bodies was rather ambiguous. at times they defined themselves as a third sex, which is nonfemale[…]. [...] [Butches’] call for organization was not linked to a feminist protest against rigid gender norms. Rather they felt that nature had played a trick on them and they they had to devise ways to confront the dangers to which this situation gave rise. Jakarta’s b/f lesbians when I met them in the early eighties were not in the least interested in feminism. In fact, the butches among them were more concerned with the case of a friend of them who was undergoing a sex change operation. They clearly considered it an option, but none of them decided to follow this example. When I asked them why, all of them mentioned the health risks involved and the costs. None of them stated that they rather preferred their own bodies. Their bodies, although the source of sexual pleasure and as such the object of constant attention, didn’t make it any too easy for them to get the satisfaction they sought or, at least, to attract the partners they desired.
From "Let Them Take Ecstasy: Class and Jakarta Lesbians," by Alison J. Murray, in Female Desires: Same-Sex Relations and Transgender Practices Across Cultures, eds. Evelyn Blackwood and Saskia E. Wieringa, 1999:
Covert lesbian activities are thus an adaptation to the ideological context, where the distinction between hidden and exposed sexual behavior allows for fluidity in sexual relations (“everyone could be said to be bisexual” according to Oetomo 1995) as long as the primary presentation is heterosexual/monogamous. It is not lesbian activity that has been imported from the West, but the word lesbi used to label the Western concept of individual identity based on a fixed sexuality. I have not found that Indonesian women like to use the label to describe themselves, since it is connected to unpleasant stereotypes and the pathological view of deviance derived from Freudian psychology (cf Foucault 1978).
The concept of butch-femme also has a different meaning in Indonesia from the current Western use which implies a subversion of norms and playful use of roles and styles (cf Nestle 1992). In Indonesia (and other parts of Southeast Asia, such as the Philippines, Thailand’s tom-and-dee: Chetame 1995) the roles are quite strictly, or restrictively, defined and are related to popular, pseudo-psychological explanations of the “real” lesbian. In the simple terms of popular magazines, the butch (sentul) is more than 50% lesbian, or incurably lesbi, while the femme (kantil) is less than 50% lesbian, or potentially normal. Blackwood’s (1994) description of her secretive relationship with a butch-identified woman in Sumatra brings up some cross-cultural differences and difficulties that they experienced and could not speak about publicly. The Sumatran woman adopted masculine signifies and would not be touched sexually herself; she wanted to be called “pa” by Blackwood, who she expected to behave as a “good wife.” Meanwhile, Blackwood’s own beliefs, as well as her higher status due to class and ethnicity, made it hard to take on the passive female role.
I want to emphasize here that behavior needs to be conceptually separated from identity, as both are contextually specific and constrained by opportunity. It is common for young women socialized into a rigid heterosexual regime, in Asia or the West, to experience their sexual feelings in terms of gender confusion: “If I am attracted to women, then I must be a man trapped in a woman’s body.” Women are not socialized to seek out a sexual partner (of any kind), or to be sexual at all, so an internal “feeling” may never be expressed unless there are role models or opportunities available. If the butch-femme stereotype, as presented in the Indonesian popular media, is the only image of lesbians available outside the metropolis (e.g., in Sumatra), then this may affect how women express their feelings. However, urban lower-class lesbians engage in a range of styles and practices: some use butch style consciously to earn peer respect, while others reject the butch as out-dated. The stereotype of all lower-class lesbians whether following butch-femme roles or conforming to one subcultural pattern is far from the case and reflects the media and elite’s lack of real knowledge about street life. […]
The imagery of sickness creates powerful stigmatization and internalized homophobia: women may refer to themselves as sakit (sick). An ex-lover of mine in Jakarta is quite happy to state a preference for women while at the same time expressing disgust at the word lesbi and at the sight of a butch dyke; however, I have generally found that the stigma around lesbian labels and symbols is not translated into discrimination against individuals based on their sexual activities. I have been surprised to discover how many women in Jakarta will either admit to having sex with women or to being interested in it, but again, this is only rarely accompanied by an open lesbian (or bisexual) identity. I have found it hard to avoid the word “lesbian” to refer to female-to-female sexual relations, but it should not be taken to imply a permanent self-identity. It is very important to try and understand the social contexts of behavior, in order to avoid drawing conclusions based on inappropriate Western notions of lesbian identity, community, or “queer” culture.
From “Beyond the ‘Closet’: The Voices of Lesbian Women in Yogyakarta,” by Tracy L Wright Webster, 2004:
Most importantly a supportive community group of lesbian, bisexual and transgender women is essential, given that these sexualities are thrust together in Sektor 15. Potentially, a group comprised of women from each of these categories, that is lesbian, bisexual or transgender, may prove problematic to say the least, given that the needs and issues of each group are different. Clearly the informal communities already in existence in Yogya are indicators of this. Any formal or organized groupings would certainly benefit by modeling on current, though informal organisations. In the lesbian network, transgendered women (those who wish to become men or who consider themselves male) are not affiliated, however many ‘femme’ identified women who have been and intend to be involved in heterosexual relationships in the future, are among the group in partnership with their ‘butch’ pacar (Indo: girlfriend/boyfiend/lover).
Organisations of women questioning sexuality have existed in Yogya in the past. A butch identified respondent said she was involved in the formation of a lesbian, bisexual and transgender network in collaboration with another Indonesian woman, who also identified as butch, 20 years her senior. The group was called Opo (Javanese:what) or Opo We (Jav:whatever), the name highlighting that any issue could be discussed or entered into within the group. Members were an amalgam of both of the women’s friends and acquaintances. The underlying philosophy of the group was that “regardless of a woman’s life experience, marriage, children…it is her basic human right to live as a lesbian if she has the sexual inclination”. The elder founding member of this group, now 46, married a man and had a child. She now lives with her husband (in name only), child and female partner in the same home. Although this arrangement according to the interviewee “is rare… because the husband is there, she is spared the questions from the neighbours”. Here I must add that it is common in Java for lesbians to marry to fulfill their social role as mothers, and then to separate from their husbands to live their lives in partnership with a woman. This trend however is more common among the ‘femme’ group.
From "(Re)articulations: gender and same-sex subjectivities in Yogyakarta, Indonesia," by Tracy Wright Webster, in Intersections: Gender and Sexuality in Asia and the Pacific, Issue 18, Oct 2008:
Lesbi subjectivities Since gender, for the most part, determines sexuality in Java, sexuality and gender cannot be analysed as discrete categories.[64] For all of the self-identified butchi participants, lesbi was the term used to describe their sexuality. This is contrary to the findings of two key researchers of female same-sex sexuality in Indonesia. Alison Murray's research in Jakarta in the 1980s suggests that females of same-sex attraction did not like the term 'lesbian'[65] due to its connection with 'unpleasant stereotypes' and deviant pathologies.[66] In 1995, Gayatri found that media representations depicting lesbi as males trapped in female bodies encouraged same-sex attracted women to seek new, contemporary descriptors.[67] The participants in this research, however, embraced the term lesbi as an all-encompassing descriptor of female same-sex attraction and as Boellstorff has noted in 2000, Indonesian lesbi tend to see themselves as part of a wider international lesbian network.[68]
The term lesbi has been used in Indonesia since the 1980s, although not commonly or consistently. Lines, les, lesbian, lesbo, lesbong and L, among others, are also used. Female same-sex/lesbi subjectivities in Yogya are not strongly associated with political motivations and the subversion of heteropatriarchy as they were among the Western lesbian feminists of the 1960s. By the time most of the participants in this research were born, the term lesbi had already become infused in Indonesian discourses of sexuality among the urban elite (though with negative connotations in most cases), and has since become commonly used both by females of same-sex attraction to describe themselves, and by others. Most learnt from peers at school and through reading Indonesian magazines.
However, public use of the term lesbi and expression of lesbi subjectivity has its risks. Murray's research on middle to upper class lesbians suggests that females identifying as lesbi have more to lose than lower class lesbi in terms of social position and the power invested in that class positioning. This is particularly in relation to their position in the family.[69] Conversely, her work also shows that lower class lesbi 'have the freedom to play without closing off their options.'[70] As Aji suggests, young females, particularly of the priyayi class may not be in a position to resist the social stigma attached to lesbianism and the possible consequences of rejection or abuse. Yusi faced this reality despite the fact that s/he had not declared herself lesbi. Hir gendered subjectivity meant that s/he did not conform to stereotypical feminine ideals and desires.
With so much at stake, many lesbi remain invisible. Heteronormative and feminine gendered expectations for females in part explain why lesbians may indeed be the 'least known population group in Indonesia.'[71] Collusion in invisibility can be seen here as a protective strategy. The lesbi community or keluarga (family) is what Murray refers to as a 'strategic community' of the lesbian subculture.[72] The strategic nature of the community lies in its sense of protection: the community provides a safe haven for disclosure. Invisibility, however, also arises through the factors I mentioned earlier: the normative feminine representations of femme, their tendency to express lesbi subjectivity only while in partnership with a butchi, and their tendency to marry. Invisibility, as a form of discretion, however, may also be chosen.
Gender complementary butchi/femme subjectivities [...] Due to the apparently fixed nature of butchi identities and subjectivities and their reluctance to sleep with males, they are seen as 'true lesbians,'[79] lesbian sejati, an image perpetuated through the media.[80] Similar to the butchi/femme communities in Jakarta, in Yogya, butchi are identified by their strict codes of dress and behaviour which include short hair, sometimes slicked back with gel, collared button up shirts and trousers bought in menswear stores, large-faced watches and bold rings. Butchi characteristically walk with a swagger and smoke in public places. In her research in the 1980s, Wieringa noticed that within lesbi communities in Jakarta the strict 'surveillance and socialisation 'may have contributed to the fixed nature of butchi identities.[81] In Yogya, this is particularly evident in the socialisation of younger lesbi by senior lesbi (a theme I explore elsewhere in my current research).
The participants held individual perspectives on butchness. Aji's butchness is premised on hir masculine gender subjectivity and desire for a partner of complementary gender. Yusi expresses hir butchness differently and relates it to dominance in the relationship and in sex play. The participants who told of the sexual roles within the relationship emphasised their active butchi roles during sex. As Wieringa suggests, this does not necessarily imply femme passivity as femme 'stress their erotic power over their butches.'[82] It does, however, indicate one way in which the butchi I interviewed articulate their sexual agency.
Femme subjectivities, on the other hand, are generally conceived of as transient. As many of the interviews illustrate, femme are expected by their butchi partners to marry and have children: butchi see them as bisexual. In public, and indeed if they marry, they are seen as heterosexual, though their heterosexual practice may not be exclusive. In the 1980s, Wieringa observed that femme 'dressed in an exaggerated fashion, in dresses with ribbons and frills...always wore make up and high heels.'[83] In the new millennium, the femme I met were also fashion savvy though not in an exaggerated sense. Generally they wore hip-hugging, breast-accentuating tight gear, had long hair and wore lipstick and low-heeled pumps. Their feminine representations were stereotypical: it was through association with butchi with in the lesbi community that femme subjectivities become visible.
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cybernaght · 3 years
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Guardian rewatch: Episode 3
First of all, wow. When I decided to post those online, I was expecting that they would be read by two people, both of whom I personally know. It was in equal part surprising and terrifying that so many of you ventured here. Thank you for reading, I really appreciate it. 
Episode 3 is probably my favourite case. It’s not perfectly strung together, there is little actual investigative work in it, but it’s a beautiful story of boundless love and devotion, which echoes through the relationship between our protagonists
Professor Shen is looking at some materials that are looking suspiciously like research into something supernatural, when Zhang Ruonan makes an appearance at his office, claiming that she is absolutely fine, while clearly being very far away from fine. This is something Shen Wei can certainly relate to, because he is the king of hiding his ailments from others. 
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Zhu Hong’s one-sided affection for Zhao Yunlan starts to show already in this episode:  while he has the cold, she nags him to take care of himself, shoves tissues into his hands, and presses him to drink his meds. It’s easy to imagine even this early on that she will be the woman drunk dialling him one day. 
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I know this could be seen as straightbaiting, but I honestly thing that the actual purpose it serves in the show is the opposite; I’ll talk more about it when we get there.
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Zhao Yunlan spends a lot of this episode in Shen Wei’s office, starting with this scene, in which is obviously flexing. Not only does he sneeze all over the office, he goes to eat Shen Wei’s cake after specifically being told not to eat it.  He also takes his opportunity to mix questioning with flirting, as is his usual way. He keeps eye contact while spooning cake into his mouth, as he explains, jovially, that another mysterious death on his campus cannot possibly be a coincidence. And, to be fair, he is not really wrong. We are meant to believe that this is all set in motion by Zhu Jiu, aka the least scary villain in the history of villainy, and an owner of your staple baby goth wig. I will not mention him again until the plot makes it impossible for me not to do so. 
Zhang Ruonan comes in, and Zhao Yunlan introduces himself as Shen Wei’s good friend. Which is half-way between a flex and an act of kindness. On one hand, he could have said he was from the police - which would be absolutely true - and risk tarnishing the professor’s good name. On the other hand, he could probably look less pleased with himself. Shen Wei, at the very least, looks neither grateful, nor amused. 
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Zhao Yunlan asks her if she new the victim and she looks incredibly shifty as she flees. He is right to think that something is up, and he correctly assumes trauma, rather than guilt. We can now start to see that he is very very good at reading people. It must be equal parts thrilling and disconcerting for him to have met something who he decisively cannot read. Shen Wei vouches for the woman, partly, surely, because his Hei Pao Shi sense is tingling, letting him know that someone is eavesdropping. 
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Despite feeling uneasy, Shen Wei still offers Guo Changcheng, who is left to collect various paperwork from his desk, a little smile. He has a reason to like Xiao Guo, of course: he was the one to see the young man’s kindness and understanding, and he is already growing protective of him, way before he will start seeing members of the special unit as his people. This reminds me of how many months later, he will subtly, but decisively stop a barrage of verbal abuse against Xiao Guo by dropping a pair of chopsticks. 
Zhao Yunlan is taking Xiao Guo with him on the case rather than anyone else, partly, supposedly, because of Guo Changcheng’s familial connections. The young man looks more sure of himself, asking correct questions, dutifully records answers. He also tries to look after his Chief by asking him to go home and rest. He does phrase it badly, but Zhao Yunlan has a thing against his own health and well-being, so he reacts extra poorly.
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Soon after, Zhao Yunlan’s at Shen Wei’s office yet again, as Shen Wei tries his best to ignore him, in the hope that he… well, maybe not goes away, but does not ask him anything that will require him lying. Instead, Zhao Yunlan is asking Shen Wei why he is bad at reading people, which is a very strange thing to ask. Shen Wei answers his question with a question, “Will seeing through people really lessen the hurt and disappointment?” Adding, “Many tragedies were destined from the beginning”. He looks well.. like this as he says it. 
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This is loaded. On first glance, it’s a pretty good set-up to the way this story will unfold, as a tragedy of two individuals who let their devotion to each other nearly ruin each other’s life. A fragile human and a dangerous powered Undergroundian: what else is that, but a tragedy, waiting to happen? But this story - this one right in front of us - will not end tragically, at least not for the two people it enters around. It could do so, but it will not. Maybe, this truly is the first hint that this entire narrative, so carefully set up from the very first time Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei meet, is destined to be a tragedy. Moreover, that it must be one, for some cosmic reason. 
(… I apologise while I go have a little cry in the corner. Damn you, Guardian, why do you make me hurt so much?)
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Da Qing inexplicably morphs from black cat to a human in white t-shirt while doing night shadowing, and promptly falls asleep on patrol. Why is he being sent to stake anyone out? He is least suitable for it.  He is literally a cat. He sleeps 16 hours a day. 
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Surprisingly, when pressed, Zhang Ruonan comes clean very easily, revealing that she was a victim of the three students she failed (two of which are already dead and one one standing right next to them), who lured her out at night, which left her vulnerable to be attacked. Zhao Yunlan listens to this story, and instead of… oh I don’t know, perhaps asking her the identity of the third student, leaves to go find that out for himself. It is heavily implied that he does it on purpose, which is definitely not okay.  
Moreover, he goes and... asks Shen Wei. This makes me suspect that he’s not really thinking with his head at this point. As he does so, he is brandishing a letter opener. 
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Shen Wei is looking even less impressed with him than he did during their last few conversations. 
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Zhao Yunlan is a little bit flippant when it comes to students’ lives this episode. And yes, they have done something really quite horrible to another human being, but that's not a very good excuse to let the last of them just die. As it happens, the situation Yunlan created - perhaps on purpose - did lure out Zhao Ruonan’s murder girlfriend, but it also cost a student his life. Which is far from ideal, but is somehow never even mentioned. Instead of being aghast, he sits on the table as he goes into full interrogation mode. (As he will continue to do a lot. Sometimes he crouches on tables instead. There is no further point here, apart from: I like this character quirk. It’s a nice character quirk.)
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He brings some of his team in at this point, and asks Zhu Hong to continue interrogation. It would be a nice gesture is he did not interject two questions in. 
“How do you regard your relationship with Wang Yike?”
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“We are family.”
They are definitely, decisively not going for sisterly bond here. Which is kind of incredible. This is one of the moments the amorphous being that show is looks at the censors, wiggles its battered low budget eyebrows at them, and then proceeds to flip them off. Well done, Guardian. 
Wang Yike calls Zhang Ruonan, saying there is one more victim she needs to take care of, and Lin Jing traces the call back to campus. Zhao Yunlan, who did not even bat an eyelid at a dead student earlier, now looks decisively worried  
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“Oh no. Professor Shen.” 
The only reason Shen Wei is attacked is jealousy. Wang Yike does not know this of course, but trying to kill him is a bad move, because a) he has long ago given his heart away, and is definitely not interested; b) this is probably the only thing she could do to make the man on the case very very upset; c) Shen Wei’s immune to her powers. 
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“Someone like you will never understand what she means to me!” Wang Yike shouts eventually. “As long as I can protect her, my life has worth!” And, even as Wang Yike has no way of knowing it, these are the words that ultimately save both her and her loved one. Because Shen Wei does in fact understand what Zhang Ruonan means to her. His own endless and ultimately self-destructive devotion is his main driving force.
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Shen Wei pretends to be hurt, again, which earns him a half-hug from the object of his devotion. If Zhao Yunlan does notice that Shen Wei should really come out of this attack grey haired and dead, and not just mildly inconvenienced, he chooses not to say anything. 
Worried about her murder girlfriend, Zhang Ruonan rushes in and accidentally touches her. Zhao Yunlan Freaks The Hell Out. Shen Wei does, too, but in his own, reserved, way. They are both emotionally invested in those two people, although for very different reasons: Shen Wei is acutely feeling resonance of his own past in their story, and Zhao Yunlan, I think, wants to fix it, he wants to be able to make it better. Instead, Shen Wei fixes it for him, turning the tide on this tragedy, and giving it a happy ending. He heals Zhang Ruonan right in front of the officers of SID, albeit with much subtlety. (“Have someone saved her right under our noses?” Zhu Hong will snort the very same evening, and she will be 100% correct.)
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Shen Wei also lets Wang Yike go despite the undeniable fact that she did kill three people. Here, he is looking at the picture of this human/Undergroundian couple, surviving despite all odds, and touches his only reminder that Kunlun really was in his life. 
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He then burns the picture as the only evidence that Wang Yike was not punished by him for her crimes. 
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In the end, Guo Chengcheng is making first of his many diary notes about the events, recounting a conversation between Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan we had not witnessed, in which Shen Wei mentioned a relationship based on devotion that can last a thousand years, and Zhao Yunlan called such a relationship “guarding”. Finally, Guo Changcheng hopes that he can become a guardian of all. 
And this is making me think that this absolutely should be a set-up for him becoming a wick of the guardian lantern, as per every single other decision that was made prior to the last two episodes. Right? This is a perfect foreshadowing, and mentioning it here, so early in the show would not make any sense if it were a deliberate subversion. So, was Guo Changcheng meant to become the wick after all before... what, some rewrites happened? What made the final episode be what it was in the end?
(This is a genuine question by that way, if anyone has any insight on the matter.)
The episode would end here, if this was a western show, with a familiar monster of the week structure, but it does not. At least, the way it ends is reminiscent of a cliffhanger, with Zhao Yunlan catching Shen Wei in a middle of a crime scene, and looking betrayed. 
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Next episode: Lynchian Nightmare, aka people without faces. 
PS.
I did not have a seamless way to stick this in anywhere but... Shen Wei’s technological ineptness at the max: he does not know how to use a Polaroid camera. Help him, he is so lost.
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——
Second point of housekeeping to say a few things: 
I don’t think I will be consistent with certain things being transliterated versus translated. I am more likely to use Hei Pao Shi rather than Black Cloak Envoy (because the later reminds me of Tuxedo Mask, which makes me inwardly giggle every time) but at the same time I am also more likely to use Underground/Undergroundian rather than Dixing/Dixingren. I am more likely to use Xiao rather than Little, but have called Chu Old rather than Lao before. I hope that’s not grating, but do tell me if it is
My recaps are Shen Wei-heavy. I have no real explanation for this, apart from.. I like Shen Wei. 
I realise that there will definitely be things here that are head canon and speculation rather than flat observations; this show is a work of fiction and a work of art, which cannot be interpreted objectively. If you have alternate takes on anything I write in the future, let me know! 
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hairup-squareup · 3 years
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Cupid’s Kiss| Chapter 1: A French Phenomenon
Title: Cupid’s Kiss
Summary: True love is something hard to find. That’s why at Cupid’s Kiss Matchmaking they strive to find you your soulmate and get you your happily ever after, no matter the cost is.
Word count: ~3.3k (this chapter)/~3.3k the whole book
Ships: HallDoll (Jaida Essence Hall/Nicky Doll), Gottlux (GottMik/Olivia Lux), CrystalAvalon (Symone/Gigi Goode/Crystal Methyd), Jankie (Jackie Cox/Jan sport), Rosenali (Rose/ Denali Foxx)
Tw: mentions of death, divorce and rehab
  “Welcome to New York City, The current time is 1:32 am, and the temperature is 19 degrees Celsius for my Europeans on the flight and 66 Fahrenheit for my Americans. Maybe one day you’ll smarten up and use Celsius like the rest of the world.” This sarcastic response from the pilot brought a chuckle and smile to Nicky’s face, as she packed up her sketchbook into her carry-on. With a sigh, she sat back waiting for the rest of the plane to disembark.
  “Is she ever going to get off the fucking plane!” Mik rested his head on the handrail, pouting like some little kid. He kept watching as person after person left the arrivals gate and reconnected with their people. WHY WAS NICKY TAKING FOREVER?!
  “Well so you don’t die of boredom Mik, She just arrived at security.” Brooke looked up from her phone at the young boy sitting in front of her on the ground. She let out a soft laugh before sitting down beside him, “ Raja and Liv are probably on their way back with coffees.” Brooke smiled as she spun the young boy’s hair in her fingers. 
  “Why did I have to come again? I am an adult.” Mik huffed as he looked the Canadian in the eyes. Brooke gave him a slight shove before standing up and going back to the bench she was on, Mik following a few steps behind.
  “Because last time Raja and I went to go pick up an associate, We came back to the office a wreck and you and Olivia half-naked.” Brooke didn’t look up from the email she was writing. Mik opened his mouth to go say something but closed it realizing that Brooke had a point. Though he did love his girlfriend a lot, the two just had miraculous bad timing. 
  And Speaking of said girlfriend coming around the corner emerged the perky auburn-haired girl Brooke had mentioned, along with Brooke’s tired silver-haired business partner. Raja smirked handing Brooke one of the two coffees in her hand. “Remind me not to let you bring people in from out of the country again.”
  “Didn’t you tell Manila that when she put my name on the table?”
  “Yes, But you weren’t over seven hours away. Plus I brought you on as a replacement when Manila left anyways.” Raja smirked looking at Brooke, who was still focused on her phone. “As well as the fact you are so much better at the finance stuff than me.”
  This caused Brooke to look up from her phone, kind of puzzled. “That’s because I am one of the few people you’ve hired that can actually do fucking math. If you didn’t have me you would probably be running around hooking people up for fucking free Raja.” She smacked the older woman’s chest as she let out a chuckle.
  “I’ve offered to hook you up multiple times.” Raja smiled as she took a sip of her coffee “I have a 100% success rate, and I can find you the perfect girl. I mean look at the two down here.” She motioned to the two making out in front of them. Brooke broke out laughing at the two younger adults in front of her hitting Mik on the back of the head. This didn’t stop the two from making out, it just caused Mik to flip off Brooke.
  “Madame Hytes?” a voice came from the entrance of arrivals causing all four to turn their heads to face the arrival’s gate. Standing there was a blonde thin girl with a bright red shoulder bag tossed over her shoulder. Brooke smiled as she went over to her friend and smiled as she wrapped her arms around the French girl in front of her.
  “Mlle Nicky Doll, je suis content que votre vol se soit bien passé. (Ms. Nicky doll, I am happy your flight was safe.)” Brooke smiled as she took her friend’s hand. The two exchanged a laugh before Nicky handed her suitcase to Brooke.
  “Brooke, dois-je parler la langue de merde (Brooke, do I need to speak the shit language)” Nicky stopped before turning to her friend, who was currently trying to stop herself from laughing too much. She just kept looking at all the people passing her as Brooke was leaning on the suitcase. “Brooke?”
  “Yes. Yes. Nicky, you’ll need to speak English. I am the only one who knows french.” Brooke barely got out before taking a few moments to regain her breath. She adjusted herself turning to Nicky giving her the nod that she was all good to go, linking hands with the French model. Nicky nodded kinda shy to meet the other three at the bench, but willing to follow her friend’s lead. Brooke leaned over right before they reached the trio at the bench and whispered “The younger ones have a lot of energy I’d like to warn you on that.”
  Nicky nodded in response as both Mik and Olivia rushed u like eager puppies to her, they both seemed speechless. “You look amazing!” Olivia’s eyes were like stars at the sight of Nicky, who just smiled and nodded, giving awkward glances back at Brooke.
  “Guys, This is my friend Nicky Doll from Paris. She’s going to be here to help you all out with the love scene.” Brooke smiled at the trio as she stepped aside to showcase her friend.
  “Bonjour. Thank you all for having me, I’ll be happy to work with you all.” Nicky smiled at the group. Raja stepped out from the group to stand in front of Nicky and taking a look at her new hire up and down.
  “Well, Ms. Doll. We are happy to have you join the cupid’s kiss matchmaking family” Raja smiled as she opened her arms to the French model in front of her. A genuine smile appeared on Nicky’s face as she hugged the older woman tight. For once she felt like she belonged.
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  The next morning came like a bullet train. No one in the office was prepared to come into work. “Man people are getting desperate, how can we find matches for some of these?” Gigi entered the office looking at a folder in her hands before sitting down at her desk, sprawling the open folder across her keyboard. “I mean Symone, come take a look at this one.” She motioned for Symone to come and join her at her desk.
  Symone pulled her coffee mug out from under the machine and took her time heading to her childhood best friend’s desk. “Crystal Methyd, what kinda name is that?” Symone chuckled as she rested her chin on Gigi’s head. She flipped through the folder or at least tried to, stumbling on a photo of this said culprit. “No!” Her hand flew to cover her mouth at the sight before her.
  “SHE HAS A MULLET!” Gigi’s jaw was touching the floor at this sight of an androgynous being with a full El DeBarge still mullet giving a quirky smile. Gigi looked the photo up and down. “ I mean they are kinda cute.”
  Symone stopped for a second before looking at her friend, trying to comprehend what she just said, “Gi, you are not falling for the person with the mullet. Are you?”
  “No! I just said they were cute! It’s like the comment you made about Joey last month!”
  “Everyone thought that twink was cute! Well everyone except you, but that’s ‘cause you’re a femme who’s not attracted to other twinks.”
  With that comment, Gigi took the folder and whacked her friend in the stomach. Causing Symone to laugh as she walked away back to the staff room.
  Jaida looked at the other girl as she entered the staff room. “Gigi simping for a client?” She chuckled, handing Symone a sugar packet.  Symone gave a slight sigh before pouring said sugar packet into her coffee.
  “It was going to happen to the best of us. It always does” She smiled looking at the young girl at the desk through the giant glass window. Gigi was still going through the file and seeing if she could find anything on Crystal Methyd. This caused the two in the staff room to simultaneously take sips of their coffee, with soft smiles emerging. “Speaking of love, how are you and-”
  “Rock? Didn’t work out. She moved back to San Francisco for work and we both agreed a long-distance relationship wouldn’t be the best for our mental health.  We both agreed to stay friends though!” Jaida smiled at her friend who put a hand on her shoulder.
  “Shall I start adopting you a cat? So you can start your long life as a crazy cat lady?” this exact comment is what made Jaida leave the staff room and go start heading to work.
  Symone chugged the last of her coffee before sitting down at her desk and logging in on her computer. As much as she loved working at a matchmaking office, helping people get their happily ever after, it kinda made her see how lonely she truly is.  Maybe she should put her application in to find someone, that could easily be a solution.
  “Head in the clouds hun?” The sweet voice of Olivia Lux whistled through Symone’s ears breaking her trance. She turned to face her coworker, a smirk on her face as she was met with a naïve joyful smile. “Mik and I picked up donuts before work and I just wanted to offer you one.” Olivia stuck the pink box in her hand out to Symone. 
  Maybe a donut will help clear her head, She smiled as she grabbed a Boston crème out of the box. “Thanks, Liv, I don’t know how you can stay so happy all the time.” Symone chuckled as she took a bite of the donut, turning her focus back up to the girl in front of her.
  “Well I know it’s the fact we’ve got someone new joining the team today.” This exact comment is what caused Symone to almost choke on her donut, as well as catching the attention of the whole office. Everyone flocked to Symone’s desk like a bunch of seagulls around a piece of bread.
  “Someone new?” Jackie emerged from her executive office, approaching the small group that’s now crowded around Symone’s desk “Raja didn’t say anything about someone new.”
  “Well, Raja, Mik, Brooke, and I picked her up from the airport last night or this morning. Time is very confusing.”  Olivia looked around at everyone surrounding her. “Donut?” She lifted the box, offering it to those around her.
  Everyone started whispering about the new hire; it was rare to get a new hire at Cupid’s Kiss, so everyone was naturally curious. Olivia turned to Mik, who gave her an encouraging thumbs-up. “All I know is her name is Nicky and she’s from France.” 
  “She’s like a model, some friend of Brooke,” Mik spoke up to be the focus off of his girlfriend. 
  “Who’s a model? Cause I don’t remember paying you all to stand around to chat about some model” A voice came from the back of the group causing almost everyone to jump facing the owner of Cupid’s Kiss, Raja Gemini. “Come on guys, we’ve got happily ever after's to make.” She laughed as everyone dispersed from Symone’s desk to their desks or the staff room.
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  “Nicky, we’ll be late.” Brooke reapplied her red lip as she watched the other girl stumble out of the other bathroom in her apartment. She sighed before adjusting Nicky’s cardigan. “I told you that you didn’t have to dress fancy.” 
  “Yes, you did. But I want to make a good impression.” She looked up at the Canadian before reaching over her grabbing the car keys from behind Brooke. Nicky quickly spun around as she left the apartment “come on, I’m driving.”
  “In hell, you aren’t!” Brooke chased after her friend. “You don’t even have your American driver’s license. I’m driving Salope.” She laughed as she motioned for her friend to drop her keys in her hands.
  Reluctantly Nicky hands the jeep’s keys back to Brooke. “I’m surprised you have yours, Chienne.” She huffed as the two entered the elevator.
  “I came here after we graduated from Visages. Worked with the New York City Ballet for three years, that’s where I met Sahara. Then we had an accident in the theatre, which crushed my ankle. And then Sahara’s ex-fiancé got me this job.” Brooke’s tone was kinda embarrassed and serious. She never really felt comfortable talking about ballet with anyone except Nicky, who noticed the posture shift. “ A lot of people died…. I got out lucky. I miss Sahara, I miss Kennedy, I miss all the girls.” 
  The rest of the elevator ride was dead silent. Nicky didn’t know how to respond, she just put a hand on Brooke’s shoulder. “But you’ve got me. And that’s not changing, I promise.” Brooke gave a soft smile to her friend, Nicky surprisingly knew what to say to make her feel better.
  She chuckled as Nicky squeezed her hand letting her know it was okay. “That comment isn’t going to get me to allow you to drive my car.” She laughed as they entered the parkade 
  “Va te faire foutre, connasse (Fuck you, bitch)” Nicky smiled as she flipped Brooke off, chasing her to the jeep.
  “You know you Europeans drive on the wrong side of the road!”
  “And? You Americans use the wrong temperature.”
  “I’m Canadian!”
  “You are living in America, so you are American.” Nicky laughed as she watched Brooke start to drive the jeep out of the parkade. She hadn’t felt this relaxed in years, her best friend made her feel like that. 
  The car ride was interesting, definitely not like Paris. Very much a slower and angrier drive, Brooke cursed the taxis around them at least ten times in the first five minutes they were on the road. When Nicky said the car ride was slower than Paris, she meant as slow as a snail in molasses in -40 degrees temperatures. 
  So when traffic came to the 4th stall in ten minutes, she thought it would be a good spot to ask Brooke something. And to possibly stop Brooke from ramming the taxi in front of them. “Brooke?”
  Trying to hide her obvious road rage, Brooke slapped a smile on before turning to her friend in the passenger seat. “Yes, my dear?” Her tone was though still sweet, was still filled with anger.
  “Do you think the others will like me?” This question almost made her laugh. Was Nicky serious? Of course, the others would like her, this group was the most accepting group Brooke knew. She knew for certain they’d like her.
  “Ms. Nicolette Doll,” Nicky cringed at the use of her full first name. Brooke knew only to use it when she was either mad at Nicky or teasing Nicky. “You are a gorgeous French model with a heart of fucking gold. you wish for everyone you meet to succeed, even if you have a fucking hard shell. Trust me, they’ll love you.” She smiled as she cupped Nicky’s face “I mean look at Liv and Mik, they adored you when they first saw you. Hell Raja even let me fly you in just so you could work with us. So if anyone has an issue with you, they can suck my ice-cold Canadian ass.”
  Nicky was almost brought to tears, with how protective her friend was. The words of confidence resonated with her, as a soft smile fell on her face. She was kind of a loss of words so she just squeezed Brooke’s hand, letting her know thank you. Brooke understood the sign and gave a soft squeeze back, “now I gotta make a call, looks like we’re going to be running late because SOMEONE DRIVES SLOWER THAN A MOOSE IN -40 DEGREES IN NUNAVUT!” And with that Brooke went back to cursing out traffic.
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  “Look if we can get the mom in rehab before the trial next month it’ll look like she’s willing to fix herself without any court-mandated therapy.” Lagoona huffed as she tossed two files on her legal partners’ desks. Jan stopped spinning in her to get a look at the papers, she looked up at Lagoona slightly confused.
  “You think she’ll willingly do that?” Jan asked as she flipped through the file, she was meant with a shrug in return. Lagoona was about to open her mouth before she was cut off.
  “It’s the only way she’ll get any form of  fucking custody over the kids.” Rosé said as she entered the main office three coffees in hand, passing them out to the other two girls before sitting down at her desk. “Jan, you’re still in contact with Brita?” She asked with a tone as if she already knew the answer. The brunette nodded still slightly confused, looking between the blonde and redhead.
  “Good, give her a call. I’m sure she and Ms. Widow should be able to take the mom.” Lagoona nodded before starting to type a number in her desk phone as well, “I’ll call the mom. See if she can come down so we can explain the situation. Rosie-“ 
  “I’ll get the paperwork done as usual.” Rosé smiled as she cut her friend off giving a small salute to her friend across the room. The three shared a nod before splitting up to do their separate tasks. 
  Rosé knew the routine, get the paperwork ready for when the client agreed. She had it down to a science at this point, she could almost get it done in 2 minutes, depending on if the printer wanted to jam or not. She quickly logged into the computer and had the file selected ready to click print till her phone scared the shit out of her “Fuck!” She watched as the file started to duplicate and duplicate and duplicate. 
  Begrudgingly she grabbed the phone off the desk placing it on her shoulder and under one ear. So she could fight the computer while taking the phone call. “Bloo Sport and McCorkell family law. Hope to bring a voice to the voiceless, I’m Rosé how can I help you….Brooke, please tell me you didn’t total another taxi….Because it’s happened at least seven times now… don’t you have your boss’s phone number so you can call her yourself?… there’s something called voice mail… NO, I AM NOT GOING OVER TO YOUR SCAM AGENCY!… it is and you know it… throw in an actual picture of a fucking moose this time AND NOT one you found online, then I’ll do it… you owe me Hytes. Bye.” Rosé huffed as she hung up the phone turning to the other two, both very confused by the conversation. 
  “Rosie, everything okay?” Jan tilted her as she approached her friend. She grabbed the chocolates on her desk and placed them on Rosé’s desk before backing away cautiously, almost like she had just placed food in front of a dangerous animal.
  Rosé pulled her head out of her hands locking eyes with Jan, whose smile turned to fear. “Jan, you wanna go across the hall and let them know Brooke and Nicky got stuck in traffic?” Rosé watched as her friend nodded excitedly already writing down what Rosé had said getting ready to leave the office. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
  And within seconds Jan was out of the office. Lagoona placed an arm on Rosé’s monitor as they watched the door swing, “you know she just wants an excuse to see the cute girls.” She looked down at the now smirking Rosé.
  “Exactly that’s why I sent her.” She let out a soft laugh before turning back to the blonde beside her. “I’ll get you that paperwork in just a sec”
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ok, if i don’t write this im gonna lose my mind -cue dmx ‘party up’-
here is a ridiculously detailed analysis of why i am bordering on near certainty of caryl endgame, and how everything that’s been set up from the start of s9 (yes, even c@rzekiel and d@nnie) has been leading up to this
spoilers and long-winded analysis under the cut
let’s take this step-by-step, okay? starting with:
The Titles:
i have said this about a million times now, but the very first indication of caryl came from the new opening credits, where mmb’s name was very strategically placed above the graphic of daryl’s crossbow, what’s meant to symbolize henry’s pike, and a bunch of cherokee roses. it was foreshadowing, not only of henry’s death, but also how her relationship with daryl was going to unfold, and, bear with me here, the downfall of c@rzekiel. speaking of which, let’s go there
C@rzekiel:
i have also rambled about this, too, but the way that kang designed this relationship between zeke and carol was so brilliant, because it was never supposed to be real, but you weren’t able to fully see how until the whole story was laid out before us. (which goes with my belief that kang tells stories over long, connected archs, and not just “you know what would be fun to toss in here rn for some drama?” 
carol
1. denied zeke’s proposal
2. never once told him she loved him
3. explicitly told those saviors she could have done without her ring (a line that had absolutely no need to be in there)
4. continuously rejected the title of queen
5. regularly visited daryl in the woods
6. said herself that all it was, was a fairytale. something i’ll delve into more when i talk about carol’s ptsd
but let me touch on how daryl plays into this. we know she regularly went out into the woods to be with daryl, and she did it because he was her tether back to reality. she was living a fantasy life, and knew deep down that it wasn’t real, but had to do it, for henry’s sake, and for the sake of her mental health, because at the time of the relationship, she had not remotely begun to deal with any of her grief
the first scene we get with her and zeke is directly after daryl saves zeke’s life, which is telling. and the first time we hear her talk about her feelings about zeke’s proposal she turned down it’s with daryl, and let us not forget that the script notes stated that daryl was experiencing jealousy about it. he never asked her not to, though, because he thought she was happy, and that was more important to him than her being with him. he was willing to give her up if it meant she was happy, like what kind of angst trope suffering is that?? -chefs kiss-
and we can’t forget that zeke canonically views daryl as a threat to his marriage (i mean, rightfully so). he literally tells daryl to back off his wife so that he can fix their marriage, because he knows carol is starting to go back to him
next!
flowers:
flowers have been being used as symbolism between these two across the past two seasons a bunch. flowers are in mmb’s title card. the first scene of carol/daryl in the time jump shows them seeing flowers. daryl brings carol a flower on the dinner tray. one of the upcoming episodes is “look at the flowers”. obviously the cherokee rose scene is iconic between them, and flowers to carol represent this weird dichotomy. on the one hand, they represent daryl comforting her and giving her hope, and on the other hand, they represent her downfall mentally from the grove. interesting that one of the threads throughout this current season is carol grappling between trying to stay grounded with daryl, and her losing herself to her grief
speaking of grief!
Carol’s PTSD:
people have bitched that kang is just telling carol’s same storyline all over again, to which i’m like, tf show are you watching?? here’s what kang has done. gimple dealt with carol by literally just locking her away in a house to mull over how terrible she is a person, while never once actually dealing with her grief, and then handed that over to kang as a boiling slop of diarrhea, and somehow kang managed to take that, perform alchemy, and turn it into delicious loving carol juice.
she had henry killed off to parallel sophia, yes, that’s true, but the /reason/ she did that is because she’s righting the wrongs that were done to carol by essentially rewriting her storyline the way it should have gone. carol has lost So Much. more than most, i think, and kang is like, “that would fuck someone up pretty fucking bad, i think, so let’s see her actually have to grapple with that.” kang stays true to the carol gimple created, in that her instinct is to run away (think boat), but she’s using daryl as a means of forcing her to confront her demons. the two of them, at any given time, are running away from their struggles, but daryl is finally at a place of stability, and so he’s taking carol by the hand and saying, “no. i’m not letting you do this again. you have to stay,” and carol does, because she loves him, but consequently she’s having to actually feel it (something she explicitly stated she “can’t let herself do”), and is now experiencing the consequences of it, and poor daryl is stuck trying to handle it. his entire plotline this season has revolved around trying to help carol heal her wounds so that they can finally be together the way they should have been ten years ago.
they should be together, and daryl shouldn’t be with anyone else? glad you asked, because that brings us to:
D@nnie:
i actually think that kang never meant to make daryl/connie a ship, bc nothing in season 9 really indicated anything more than a mutual respect, and part of me truly believes that she saw the reaction to the two of them, and was like, “you know what? i can work with this.”
carol is pushing daryl towards connie because she wants to take alpha down and knows she might go down with her and she needs to know daryl won’t be alone. that’s it. period. end of sentence.
but okay, let’s extrapolate. she asks him if he’s interested in connie, and daryl very, very bluntly says no. you can’t tell me that his answer was meant to be evasive. he delivered that line like straight up “no.” no room for debate about his feelings. if they wanted to leave room for doubt they would have had norman redo his delivery, because it is too obvious. he is shutting it down completely. and carol is like, “why not?” and /that’s/ when daryl gets evasive. very “don’t worry about it, why are you worrying about it, i’m not in love with you, shut up.” 
fucking kills me, guys.
now the current spoilers about carol telling daryl to get angry at her for (supposedly/probably) killing connie furthers this belief that she wants daryl to pull away from her. because he’s her tether, she loves him, and as long as he still wants her around she can’t leave. she wants him to hate her, and daryl refuses. he’s pissed as all get out about what she did, sure, but he doesn’t hate her. also, the idea that daryl going back to try and save connie and magna means he’s in love with connie is absolutely baffling. have you met daryl? his instinct is to save people at all costs. he wouldn’t leave his friends stuck in a fucking cave, are you serious? just because connie is a woman doesn’t mean daryl wants to fuck her. he’s allowed to care about his friends.
but anyway, the point here is that every “d@nnie” spoiler has been music to my ears, bc not once has it been actually shippy. that first episode with the asl book and them together? it was supposed to juxtapose zeke and carol, and how carol and daryl immediately forgot about connie and zeke in order to be with each other. every other thing with connie has either been very cute and platonic, or has been carol trying to push her on daryl. -chefs kiss- my dudes, you’re worrying about nothing
Misc bc I’m Late for Work:
here are just a handful of other indicators that caryl is on the horizon
-the dream where she dreams she’s MARRIED TO DARYL, and the scenes where she wakes up in bed and looks over and he’s not there. why set that up if the end result isn’t going to be them together in bed?
-the bracelet/the acorns and what they symbolize 
-the use of “we” (”we don’t sleep” “it was like that for us before all of this” “since when have we never been enough?” etc)
-their parallels to alpha/beta (see my other long-winded text post on that one)
-ten years worth of history between them!!! that kang understands and references (carol’s claustrophobic, look at the flowers, etc)
so anyway, i don’t have time to tie this up with a nice bow bc i really have to get to work, but this is all to say that i am very very confident about the caryl endgame. i think it’s being drawn out bc kang needs to right the wrongs done by gimple first, but that caryl is where she’s eventually headed. every spoiler has been 100% caryl positive to me. i am zen af, and i think you should be too.
i’ll add to this if i think of anything i missed, but here you go. caryl is endgame and they gon fuck
the end,
-diz   
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greymattermaelstrom · 4 years
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Ozlander Fan Gathering 2020  -   The Rik and Sophie Show
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I attended Ozlander in Melbourne. What an incredible weekend so would like to share my Ozlander experience with you. Of course, it was during the very early days of covid-19 which I’ll address shortly. I’d never met any of the cast before, nor any group of like minded fans. Of course, you are usually lucky to know anyone who watch the TV show (not counting a partner) in your circle of friends let alone personally know a group of fans to chat with. It’s funny though, I’m not sure what I expected, but I thought people would have in depth discussions about OL characters/plots during coffee breaks or in line ups for autographs/photos. I didn’t experience that. I think it was a given that we were all deep into OL. Instead, I found we just chatted and got to know each other, ‘Where are you from?’ etc. As this was the first formal Outlander convention held in Australia, this was big news. I bought my ticket the day they were available (Nov 2019). It was a long way off but I knew the gathering would occur a short time after the first few episodes of Outlander S5 were broadcast, so when S5 started airing, my anticipation grew. Prices were steep admittedly, but a number of us felt it may be the first and last opportunity to meet a cast member, so we did what we could to get there (i.e. sell the healthiest child, blackmail the rich, etc).
Article from “The Scottish Banner” Feb 2020.
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Unfortunately, 4 weeks out, Ed Speleers withdrew due to work commitments but local, David Berry, was announced as his replacement on the same day. Then 10 days out, Graham McTavish withdrew due to work commitments in Slovakia. No news of a replacement was announced (I learnt at the event that organising a visa etc with Covid-19 developing had made it nigh on impossible to organise a replacement in time). Ozlander organisers revisited the program and added extra value features to the various tiers. The gathering weekend was so close, yet seemed so far away in these uncertain times. Every day, I anticipated receiving an email stating it had been cancelled. I knew the organisers must have been pulling their hair out. Selfishly and as long as it was safe to do so, I was hoping it would still go ahead. The virus was not as advanced in Australia. Most of our relatively low number of cases were brought in by travellers (residents returning or tourists) from Europe/Asia before flying was cancelled. The Federal Government had restricted public gatherings to less than 500 at the time. Attendance was actually under 200.  FYI, below are the global covid-19 stats as of 19 April 2020, a month later. Australia’s population is 25 million.
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A few days after the Ozlander event, only crowds of less than 100 were permitted by the govt. We were so, so lucky!! Of course, that reduced further as precautions were implemented over time. We have self-isolation and a lot of business closures, cancellation of sports/entertainment etc. It is dreadful, but not a total lock down in Australia. We could walk dogs and make necessary trips to the supermarket, pharmacy, doctor or special court appearances. Anyway, just wanted to address this concern. ~ Tickets sold well (premium tickets sold out). I saw fans on sm stating the date of the event clashed or it was a bit expensive so I know more wanted to come. Yes, the cost was relatively high. Return airfares for cast, accommodation, plus I assume their appearance fee was always going to be an expensive venture, especially as our AUD had been declining sharply against the USD for some time. Australia can miss out on some things because of distance and a relatively small population, but overall, I think we have done well over the years. ~ Rik (Richard) and Sophie posted IG photos from Melbourne a couple of days before the event. Yay!! They were in the country at least, enjoying the sunsets, cuddling koalas and hypnotising wallabies lol. Sophie posted a selfie from a public toilet (bathroom) - as you do. See Sam’s comment below. Toilet paper was becoming a precious commodity....🤔
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So the odds looked good and finally, Ozlander arrived.🥳 Before we took our seats, a lone piper slowly walked into the throng playing Waltzing Matilda (iconic Australian bush ballad) which segued into Outlander's theme song. Goosebumps! Applause all 'round. The piper was a big fan too.
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What a thrilling start to proceedings. We took our seats and Meagan Taylor (the one who dared dream the dream), welcomed everyone. The age range of fans was predominately 40-65. We were excited and expectant. Housekeeping announcements focused on coronavirus precautions of course. Wash hands, use hand sanitiser when you can't, no handshaking and no touching the cast. This last request was a little disappointing after seeing photos from other OL cons, but it was quite understandable. I think we were just over the moon Ozlander went ahead so we were more than happy to comply and consider the health and safety of others. Then Meagan had the unenviable task of informing us David Berry had unfortunately cancelled his appearance due to health reasons. Yikes! What a shame. (David released a press statement 15 March(?) outlining his difficult decision. Sydney is Australia's Covid-19 hot spot, so David being a Sydneysider, had to consider this I guess). There are IG photos of David, Rik and Sophie together in Australia, just not sure where. So of course, it surprised everyone that David wasn't attending. Refunds of his meet and great and the re-jigging of tiers was to be announced on the fly. Then there were two, Rik and Sophie (and no pressure whatsoever!)🤪. Meagan then advised that the five panels across the weekend would be all audience Q & A which got a loud cheer. On with the show! The Rik and Sophie show! 🎉 They came on stage ready for a good time. Rik opened with 'G'day'. Great start I thought and continued his half decent Australian accent. It's a hard accent to imitate as we know. Rik's was a bit exaggerated but that was part of the fun. 
‘G’day. ‘How are ya’?’
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Sophie in an outfit she bought here. Same brand as Saturday’s dress that she brought with her.
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Roger Mac is in da house.
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I’ll admit, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. I have seen Rik and Sophie in a lot of interviews, OL promos (talking to camera) and taking part on OL panels on YouTube. I can find their rapport a little strained and snarky at times. Luckily, I was very pleasantly surprised that their 2020 version was very endearing and entertaining. I think they’ve worked on this. I also think, that the spectre of Sam and Cait, through no fault of their own, does loom large at cast events. Therefore, it was great to see Rik and Sophie rise to the challenge of working the room in the absence of their cast mates. And I think they really relished this (albeit exhausting) opportunity and the small theatre made it a casual and intimate affair. They answered questions in an engaging manner and often expanded on it, citing on set examples, many I’ve never heard before, and I’ve seen a lot of OL interviews. Almost as soon as they came on stage, Rik was asked if he would play his guitar and sing for us. While flattered, I think it was too early in the piece and he said maybe he would do so during the weekend sometime. Alas, time wasn’t on our side so it didn’t eventuate. ~ Rik was asked if his hair ticks were under control (ep 501)😂. Combing his fingers through his hair, he replied in his strong Scottish brogue that most of them were gone now. Good sport. ~ He was told the OL bts photos he posts on sm (taken on set) were great and much appreciated and to keep them coming to which the audience applauded. I think he quietly enjoyed that moment. All creatives will take that, knowing their skills and hard work meant something to someone, much like our appreciation for OL and these sorts of events!
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Then on to costumes, wigs and make up. It was thought that it must be nice to have your scalp/hair attended to in the makeup. ‘No, it’s not’ R&S said in unison.😂 Verra uncomfortable process apparently. The hair is flattened and held down with clips. The hairline edge of the wig is ‘glued’ to the top of your forehead and then alcohol is used to get the glue off after shooting, which dries the skin. Some hair falls out over time with this process also. We know this has happened to Sam to an extent.😬 Rik is hoping to grow his hair long enough so he doesn’t need a wig, which accounts for his current hirsute glory. ~ Sophie said they both share a make up trailer and added that Rik has a magic make up chair. Being early morning, he often goes to sleep in it and upon waking up, hey presto, it’s Roger Mac. At make up time, they do know if the other is a bit touchy, so they try not to annoy each other. Too much.😂 ~ At one stage, we were a bit shy in asking questions. Meagan said if this was in the US, there’d be a line up for the mic.😂
Ozlander Fan Gathering 2020 selfie. 
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~ Sophie responded to a geeky question about wearing wireless mics secreted in their costumes or hair as well using the usual overhead boom mics you see on bts videos. She was asked about her experience with ADR which she’s not a great fan of it. The audience asked, ‘What’s ADR?’ There are a few accepted terms in the industry, Additional Dialogue Replacement is one. It’s when some dialogue needs to be re-recorded late in post production if the original dialogue audio recording at the time is less than optimal for a variety of reasons (thanks Google). Sophie gave an instance when in S4, Bree told Claire she had been raped. The stream in the background got into the dialogue mics too much in this particular outdoor location, so Sophie had to re-record her dialogue (like lip syncing) saying exactly what she said at the time, whilst watching the scene on a screen in a recording studio. It’s hard to get the context and emotion of the scene back into your voice and that’s why some actors hate doing it and plead to have the original dialogue kept as much as possible. But ADR happens more than you realise and for various reasons (see Google). It is impossible to tell when you watch the show, what scenes have had ADR done, it’s blended so well. They would record the stream/ ambient sounds separately at some point and then mix it in lower against the dialogue after ADR is done. 😅
 ~ Sophie talked about her audition process and was sat down in an exec’s office and was told OL fans are very passionate! (we are?🤔😁). They have an idea of how book Brianna should look and Sophie confirmed she wasn’t tall enough, eyes the wrong colour, etc and that yeah, as expected, she received some not so nice things on sm. But she tried not to read too much of it and pressed on with the role of Bree. Her tone wasn’t sarcastic or indignant at all, but humble. I was impressed. 
Queuing for photos with Rik or Sophie on this occasion. We weren’t allowed to touch but we all had a squirt of hand sanitiser (just to be super safe?).🤔            
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There were a few photo opportunities over the weekend and a bonus or two thrown in make up for the cast that couldn’t make it. A refund was offered for people with meet and greet tickets for David. However, R & S kindly offered to do a meet and greet for David’s fans instead and they happily accepted. Legends! I don’t know where they found the energy to be constantly ’on’ with so many people over the weekend. Chocolate? Youth?  ~ As it was a small event, there weren’t any extra security staff that I could see. I think it was only the Museum staff and the security cameras which were hardly noticeable. ~ When getting my autographs, Rik and Sophie didn’t ask for my name, but when I read their personal messages, they had used my name (which they’d seen on my Ozlander lanyard. How cool is that? Very slick!). There were assorted costumes, the de rigueur wedding dress of Claire’s which added to the ambience. Of course, most of the audience were women but good to see a handful of men there, some even in kilts! Saw some Aussie Peakers in their MPC tees too. Cool. 
To settle a pronunciation question, Sophie asked the audience after lunch, ‘Is it scone (as in, phone) or scone (as in, shone)? 
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An emphatic SCONE (shone) came back. Rik said “Oh, wow, a shouting(?) majority?’ 
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Just to be sure, someone asked who lost, Rik pointed at Sophie. He didn’t gloat too much. Poor Sophie!
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Of course, what would an OL event be without the cast having a drink or two to lubricate the tonsils (as we say).
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Here are a few more tidbits. All the info I’m sharing has been gleaned from the panels and time spent with Rik and Sophie over the weekend as my tier allowed (which was a lot). ~ Yes, they had tried Vegemite (similar to marmite/promite), courtesy of David Berry. Sophie has some in Scotland. Onya Davo! (good on you David). Incidentally, Sam tried some when he was here in 2016 on Studio 10 (morning talk show - March 2016, his interview is on You Tube). It’s a thing. ~ Rik didn’t know if Sam’s whisky would be his cup of tea, but said it was ‘good actually’. ~ Rik was sometimes surprised by the particular take post production used for the show, but was more surprised by what was edited out of a scene (to add dynamics or guide the narrative a certain way which would apply to all productions everywhere). ~ The pyre scene with the Jesuit Priest at the Mohawk Village Ep 412 was hard to watch on TV. He said it was hard to watch them shoot that scene on set as it was so dangerous!😬 ~ Sophie very occasionally discussed the historical accuracy of things in a scene with directors ie. birthing stool or not in Ep 413 and 1960′s The Mashed Potato moves in S5 are different to how we know them now. She convinced the director’s on those 2 occasions. To me, it shows her passion for the show! ~ When asked about Bree meeting Jamie for the first time in S4, Sophie was asked about the eww factor but didn’t think about Jamie’s hand touching her face after he had relieved himself as he had only used a fruit juice bottle.🤣 ~ R & S were asked to respond to: ‘Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!’ And with relish they replied: ‘Oi, Oi, Oi!’. Someone did their homework. Cool. It’s a parochial call and response thing some aussies do at sporting events etc. ~ R & S often went for an early morning run. Before Sunday’s program began, Meagan asked us all to be very quiet. ‘That sound’, she said, ‘is Rik having his hair blown dry backstage.’ Laughter at Rik’s expense all round. Sophie came on with her’s still damp.
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Graham McTavish ‘popped’ in from Slovakia to say hi and sorry I can’t be there. Rik and Graham had a good rapport. After some banter, the audience was now supposed to ask a question and GM rolled his eyes as he heard Rik’s voice again, this time asking him what he conditioned his beard with? ‘Well”, said GM, ‘well Richard, um, I, ahh (chuckle), I condition it with...., obviously a little bit of your love ..’. Much laughter in the theatre.
Then GM commented further, (which I missed, sadly), to even more laughter.
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Who knows what would have happened had GM been at the event in person?! There is so much more I could share, but you get the idea. 
Sophie wasn’t feeling the best during the last panel just before the close of the event, but she pushed through like a trooper. Rik said she had eaten too much chocolate. A weakness of Sophie’s. I think fatigue was catching up with both of them. They did so much.
Meagan presented Rik and Sophie with an Akubra (pron. uh·koo·bruh) each (iconic Australian outback hat) as a memento of their time here at Ozlander. Rik had the Crocodile Dundee style whilst Sophie’s was more demure. In his best aussie lingo, Rik said: ‘I’m Richard Dundee and this is my partner, Skippy (Sophie).’ (Referencing Skippy the bush kangaroo ? - a much loved Australian TV show 1968-1970). 
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The Scottish Banner article promised an intimate relaxed chance to get to know stars from the Outlander TV series and I’m happy to say that this is exactly what we got. Whilst it’s a shame we didn’t get to know Ed, Graham or David better, we certainly got to know Rik and Sophie better than we had ever anticipated. As a result, I see Rik and Sophie in a new light, esp in S5, where they have more scenes together. In a small way, I’ve gotten to know a little of the person that inevitably informs their TV persona (ie facial expressions, mannerisms, speaking cadence and inflections). What a memorable time I had (can you tell?). Thanks to Rik and Sophie, the gathering organisers (who got a special mention on stage at the close) and the other fans I met there. Thanks for reading this far on a rather lengthy post.😊 I know it’s my take on the weekend, but I’ve tried not to editorialise it, but present it, as accurately as I can, hence, it may be a bit dry to read.😅  I think Ozlander is a great name and I look forward to Ozlander Fan Gathering 2021.  
Ozlander graphics: Ozlander Fan Gathering (I tweaked the circle logo in the title)
Ozlander Fan Gathering 2020 selfie: Ozlander Fan Gathering
other photos: all permissions obtained    
Ozlander Fan Gathering article: The Scottish Banner February 2020
Sophie Skelton post: Instagram
global covid-19 cases stats: Wikipedia
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lastoneout · 4 years
Text
Comfort Food
Fandom: Persona 5
Rating: PG
Summary: 
Akechi has a food blog, Futaba thinks that's hilarious, Akira is a good friend, and Sojiro needs a drink.
Notes:
This was supposed to just be me projecting my issues on to Akechi because he's my emotional support bastard boi but somehow it turned into nearly 2500 words of tooth-rotting slice of life fluff. Whoops.
A03
Goro learned the hard way that hiding things from Futaba was impossible.
To be fair it wasn’t like he was trying to hide his food blog, he mentioned it in passing a few times and he knew that most of his followers were his fans, but he never really expected any of the Thieves to actually read it, let alone read it out loud, in front of him...while laughing at it.
“What are you, a high school girl?” Futaba said with a snicker after she finished reading his latest post aloud, “I’ve seen little girl’s diaries with more class.”
“Oh my god.” Akira choked out from beside Futaba behind Leblanc’s bar, desperately trying to muffle his laughs as Goro floundered.
He knew he shouldn’t care. The Thieves always poked fun at each other. ‘It’s what friends do,’ Akira had said. If anything he figured he should be grateful that Futaba considered him enough of a friend to playfully mock his hobby. But Goro was never good at regulating his inner emotions, and so as much as he tried to not let it get to him, it did.
Truthfully, he never meant to get into food. For the longest time, he considered it a pointless expense. In the various foster homes that he was tossed between food was almost a luxury. And to someone who often wondered where his next meal would come from it was hard to justify the cost of a fancy dinner when the same money could get him a month's worth of instant ramen and convenience store bento lunches.
But when he got into high school and wormed his way into the police force he suddenly was financially stable enough to justify luxury spending. Nijima-san was kind enough to pull some strings to get the agency to act as a guarantor so he could move out of the foster home and into a small apartment, and after he paid his bills and rent he was left staring at the remaining sum in his bank app, trying to wrap his head around how that money was his, and he could do whatever he wanted with it.
He tried to keep a level head and decided to go to a nearby department store to pick up things to furnish his new home, but on the way there he passed a diner and was stopped dead by the incredible smells drifting out the door. His stomach growled, and he found himself trying to remember the last time he had eaten something that hadn’t come wrapped in plastic and styrofoam.
His stomach growled again, and before he had time to think about it, knowing that if he did he would decide against it, he hurried into the restaurant. He was seated quickly, and despite feeling weirdly giddy and anxious he smiled at the kind waitress who took his order. The simple latte and plate of pancakes were probably the most delicious things he had ever tasted, and he couldn’t help how his eyes watered after the first bite, the food filling some empty part of himself he hadn’t even known existed.
Looking back on that day he’s grateful that he wasn’t famous yet, as no one cared to pay attention to the skinny teenager in the booth by the wall trying not to get tears in his dinner.
After that, he ate out at least once a week. He spent little on necessities, picking up most of the things he needed at the ¥100 store and buying used clothes, saving every extra bit that didn’t go into bills for food. Eventually, he started looking up new places to eat, and after finding a few food blogs he decided on a whim to start his own. It didn’t take off until after his big break, but he didn’t mind. The simple pictures and reviews he posted weren’t really for anyone else, and on days when he felt empty and angry, he would scroll back through them and feel a little bit better. Almost happy at the little niche he had carved out for himself.
Shortly after that Akechi’s entire life quickly became a delicate web of lies. He was a double, even triple agent, under so many layers of falsehoods even he struggled to keep it straight sometimes. If anyone ever bothered to break him down to his bare parts there really wasn’t much he actually did for himself. Every single facet of his life and personality had been carefully crafted to ensure he would be able to get the revenge he so desperately craved. He hardly ever did anything just for himself. Every interest he shared in interviews or mentioned around his ‘friends’ was for show, not something he honestly cared all that much about. It was annoying sometimes, having to pretend to care for things he felt apathetic towards, but it was necessary.
But food? Food stayed safe. It helped his Detective Prince facade once he got popular, after all the only thing teenage girls seemed to like more than cute boys was trendy food. And cute boys who love trendy food? That’s a check that writes itself. It made him look soft, approachable, and normal. So he indulged. Actually enjoying sharing the one part of himself that wasn’t fake.
Maybe that’s why Futaba’s mockery stung so much. He wouldn’t care if people made fun of his fake interests, but when it was the real him? It hurt.
He tried to laugh it off, blushing and begging her to stop. He insisted it’s just for his fans, he’s not really that immature or girly, it’s just for show! But each plea seemed to only make the situation worse, so he gave up and silently begged for her to get bored soon, his face an unnatural shade of red.
Akira, ever perceptive, seemed to notice something change in his demeanor, and without a second thought, the teen reached forward and plucked Futaba's phone right out of her hands.
"Hey!" She shouted, grabbing for it.
"Alright, alright, that's enough." He chided, holding the phone just out of Futaba's reach, "We all have our hobbies. But since we're in a sharing mood how about I tell Akechi-kun all about your Featherman shipping blog?"
A chill came over the room. "You wouldn't dare."
"Oh, I would." He turned to Goro with a devilish smirk, "See she loves the red and blue rangers together-"
"Akira I'll end you!" Futaba yelled, diving forward and attempting to tackle him. Akira, however, was taller, and easily deflected her blows.
"She was telling me about this doujinshi she read the other day-"
"I'll spread rumors about you on websites you've never even heard of!"
"It was so romantic-"
"I'll leak your bank info on the dark web!”
"It's by her favorite author too, she buys everything they release-"
"I'll destroy you with malware, you won't be able to BREATHE near a circuit board without getting a virus!"
"Tell me, Akechi-kun, do you know what smut is?"
"AKIRA!!!" Futaba shrieked, and it was quickly followed by the sound of clanging pots and Sojiro swearing loudly from the kitchen.
“Would you two cut it out?” He shouted, poking his head around the corner.
“Sorry Boss, just giving Futaba a lesson on being a good friend,” Akira replied with an apologetic smile.
“Well next time can you do it outside? You’re lucky I don’t have any customers in here right now.”
“You never have any customers...” Futaba mumbled.
“I heard that. And Futaba, I thought I asked you to tie up your hair when you’re behind the counter.”
“On it...” She grumbled, pulling her hair back into a lazy bun with the scrunchie on her wrist.
“We’ll keep the noise and health code violations to a minimum, Boss,” Akira said, shooting a lazy salute Sojiro’s way. The older man eyed them for another second before sighing and mumbling something about herding cats as he turned back to the curry.
With the situation defused, Akira and Futaba stared at each other, having a silent yet very animated conversation, but eventually, Akira seemed to win and Futaba sighed heavily, "Okay, okay,” She turned to Goro and gave him a bow, “I'm sorry for making fun of your blog Akechi-kun."
Goro hardly knew what to make of the display, let alone her apology, but it made him feel a bit better, so he relaxed and gave her a genuine smile, “It’s alright, Futaba-chan, I forgive you.”
“Can I have my phone back now, please?”
“You may,” Akira replied amicably, handing the hostage technology back to Futaba.
She smiled triumphantly before another dark look crossed her face. She eyed Goro, suspiciously, before blushing and tapping her fingers together “A-and Akechi-kun...you won’t tell anyone else about the...shipping thing, right?”
“To be honest...I’m not sure I fully understand what you were talking about,” He replied, “But your secret is safe with me.”
“I’m so proud of both of you,” Akira said with a fake teary-eyed sniff, “My two little introverts, making friends.”
Goro and Futaba broke out in protests, but a quick glare from Sojiro shut them both up.
“Wow, you’ve really got that ‘disappointed dad’ look down, Sojiro.” Akira quipped.
“Don’t you have anything better to do than raise hell in my cafe?”
“As much as it breaks my heart, yes.” Akira said, untying his apron and heading around the counter, “I’ve got a date with a pile of dirty dishes in Shinjuku.”
“You’re not taking Morgana?” Futaba asked as he grabbed his bag and jacket.
“Nah, he hates The Crossroads, says the alcohol smell makes his nose itch. When he wakes up from his nap just let him know where I went.”
“Roger that.”
“Thanks,” He said, “See you guys later! Oh, and try not to get into too much trouble while I’m away.”
Futaba rolled her eyes dramatically, and Goro, still feeling a bit lost, simply shrugged.
“Akira, text me when you get there! You know I don’t like you going to that part of town so late.” Sojiro called, and Goro had to suppress a smirk. Akira had faced down far worse threats than the red light district at night. But it must be nice, he figured, to have someone worry about you.
“Got it!” Akira replied, the bell jingling as the door closed behind him.
Futaba seemed to deflate in his absence, looking anxious. She had explained once that Akira was something called a ‘key item’ that gave her ‘a plus ten confidence boost’, and he assumed that just meant she was shy when he wasn’t around. Goro turned back to his discarded coffee, grimacing a bit when a sip revealed it to be lukewarm.
“Uh, I can make you another cup...it’s my fault that one went cold anyway.” She said, clearly trying to make things up to him, “Sojiro’s been teaching me. It probably won’t be as good as his though. I’m still totally stuck on tutorial mode.”
“Oh, um, that would be lovely.” He replied, “Thank you.”
She started the process, carefully measuring grounds as the kettle heated, “You know, you should write about Leblanc on your blog. You like the food here, right?”
“I-”
“Absolutely not.” Sojiro interrupted, joining Futaba behind the bar to supervise the brewing.
“But Sojirooo! Akechi-kun is popular, you might actually get some business for once!”
“I don’t want that kind of business. Sorry Akechi-kun, but hundreds of fangirls in here every day ordering fancy drinks and asking when their beloved Detective Prince is coming back? I can feel my blood pressure skyrocketing just thinking about it.” He replied with a chuckle, “A man my age can only handle so many loud teenagers at once, and Akira’s band of hooligans already pushes the limit.”
“Don’t worry, Saku...uh, sorry, Boss. I understand.” Goro clarified, “There have actually been several cases of popular food writers unwittingly causing small restaurants to close due to their articles increasing interest to an unmanageable level. I wouldn’t dream of doing that to Leblanc.”
“Glad we’re on the same page then.”
Futaba finished making the coffee, grinning when Sojiro complimented her technique. She eagerly pushed a fresh cup to him, practically vibrating while she watched him take a sip. It was true that it wasn’t as amazing as her father’s, but it was still good and had its own charm.
“You did well.” He said, and he couldn’t help chuckle when she broke out in a wide smile, a warm feeling blossoming in his chest at the sight.
“Yes! I leveled up! Plus five coffee making exp!”
“We’ll make a barista of you yet.” Sojiro said fondly, “Now, it’s getting late. Akechi-kun, do you have dinner plans? I’ve got enough curry back here to feed an army, you’re welcome to stay.”
“I wouldn’t want to impose...”
“Just say yes.” Futaba whispered to him with a smirk, “Sojiro put all of his stat points into feeding wayward teens.”
“Then...yes, I’d be honored.” Akechi said, too confused to be offended by being called ‘wayward’.
“The honor is ours,” Futaba replied solemnly, giving an overly formal bow before breaking out laughing.
Sojiro wasted no time serving up three plates of curry, chatting idly with Futaba as she went to flip the open sign to closed. The two of them managed to herd Goro into a booth just as Morgana trotted downstairs, asking about Akira and demanding food. Futaba poked the poor not-cat a few times while Sojiro retrieved Morgana’s food bowl and popped open a fresh can of cat food.
“Sorry,” Sojiro said, pulling up a chair and making room on the table for Morgana’s dish, “He throws a tantrum if he doesn’t get to eat with us.”
“I do not!” Morgana shouted indignantly, “I’m just too civilized to eat on the floor.”
“Chatty cat,” Sojiro replied, giving Morgana a few chin scritches.
“Morgana is family,” Futaba said sagely, “And a family that eats together, stays together.”
‘...Family, huh...’ Goro thought to himself.
“What’s up Akechi-kun?” Futaba asked, and he blushed lightly as he realized he was staring off into space.
“Oh, I’m sorry, it’s nothing,” He deflected, “The food looks delicious, Boss. Thank you.”
“Thank you for the food!” Futaba yelled before digging into her plate, and the rest of them quickly followed suit.
As the four of them shared the meal, Goro felt the warm feeling from before grow and spread through his chest. Futaba was using her fork to flick small bits of meat at Morgana despite Sojiro’s half-hearted complaints, cheering as Morgana somehow managed to catch every single one. The smell of curry and coffee and cat food mingled in the air with laughter and shouts, giving the whole room a feeling not unlike a comforting hug.
Goro allowed himself a small smile, sure that the only reason he felt so happy was the food.
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phoebehalliwell · 3 years
Note
so apparently my brain will not let me rest until I figure out the Prue/Roger dynamic, so: Prue's right out of college when she gets hired at the museum and she gets partnered with a senior curator, Roger. Roger flatters Prue first professionally, then personally, and when Prue is hesitant because he's married, he spins some line about how his marriage is over in everything but name. Prue, young and only having one real relationship before, falls for his charm and they start sneaking around 1/?
at the office. at some point Roger does divorce his wife, he and Prue are together publicly, and then he proposes. somewhere in there, he makes a move on Phoebe, who rejects him. Phoebe immediately goes to Prue, but Roger insists that she's lying, "Prue, don't you think I love you, I left my wife for you." Prue, habituated by years of this kind of emotional manipulation, chooses Roger over Phoebe. This pretty much destroys her relationship with her sister. Prue and Roger continue plans for the wedding until Grams dies, at which point Roger calls off the wedding because he didn't sign up to be anyone else's emotional support. Prue, spends her days angry at Roger, Grams, and Phoebe for abandoning her, and spends her nights secretly wondering if there was anything she could have done to keep any of them with her.   
hmm an inch resting yarn you have spun here but i’m gonna offer you another one: pure was popular in high school she was like really fuckin cool and she could very easily have been any man of her choosing. there was no settling for her, she was prue motherfuckin halliwell. so she went for what her heart always wanted and dated her childhood sweetheart andy trudeau. and like,, they were the It Couple in their heyday and it was definitely that passion head first our love will never die dramatic but also just kinda silly love. and that sorta sets the bar. then she’s off to college presumably at this point still trying to pursue a career in photography and she’s like having fun she hangs out with the artists and free spirits and people who were misfits in high school and draws them in with her undeniable queen bee energy but like. she knows her stuff. she doesn’t get by on looks and popularity, she’s really good at what she does. so now we bring in college boyfriend no. 1 who cupid name checked as alan, and we’ll say this really is a relationship of two artists and they’re both amazed by each other’s work and the soul and heart and spirit in it and in them it’s definitely the most pretentious of prue’s relationships but it’s like the kind where they “break into” the local art gallery after hours (alan works there and has a key, so it’s not like it took a lot of masterminding) and like slide around polished hardwood floors until they fall down laughing that type of vibe. but now we’re encroaching on prue’s blue period. for starters, piper’s get ready to y’know apply for college this that and the other and like grams is all concerned about how much college costs blah blah blah with paying for both prue and piper and the same time yada yada yada and prue sorta realizes how sorta tight the money situation is what with the cost of education and the house and this that and the other and she’s starting to realize that this photography career is Not the move bc like this house needs a breadwinner if they want to keep it blah blah blah so life already blows when she has to go pick up phoebe from a party which she’s not like happy about but like you know at least phoebe isn’t drunk driving maybe this is a chance for them to bond as sisters for prue to impart some wisdom on her chaotic younger sister but no of course not of course they have to get in a huge argument and prue doesn’t hit the breaks in time and the car gets totalled and phoebe lands in the hospital and like now prue’s sorta spiralling and she like wants to quit photography and she feels horrible about everything and alan who is again i must harp on pretty pretentious is like no u can’t quit ur family doesn’t understand you it’s not about the money it’s about the art use this pain to make something amazing to which like sorry king,,, but it is about the money. the manor has been in the family for decades and prue can’t lose it. and with piper’s college, phoebe’s hospital bills, and grams’s failing health... it’s 100% about the money dude. and fuck turning your pain into art fuck glorifying suffering and fuck you. so now prue’s p cut off she’s pretty isolated she’s all down in the dumps blah blah blah she changed majors to whatever major it was she needed for like museum jobs bc at least this way she can make bank but she’ll still hold a piece of art close to her and she like drowns herself in her work like she’s not just gonna be this major (art history?) she’s gonna be the fuckin best she’s gonna be the top of her class blah blah blah yada yada yada. but y’know flash forward an amount of time and her roommate’s like hey babe. i get like life’s shit i get u got to be the very best like no one ever was but like. you have not left the apartment in four months. you haven’t smiled in probably twice as long so like. idk do something?? that makes you happy maybe???? and prue’s just like :/ bc what made her happy was like photography but now she has very mixed emotions around that and her roommate’s like what did you do for fun in high school like what did you do after school and prue’s like idk cheerleading practice and her roommate’s like word well then go to cheerleading tryouts time skip we really see prue return to all her old glory and climb up the lil cheerleading ladder blah blah blah and in this renaissance of hers she also scores a new love interest who’s basically the opposite of alan enter tom peters the star wide receiver. and i think this relationship for prue was really just like fun it was tipping her toes back into the water it was learning to smile again it was just like a good time fun simple no concerns about the future just like vibing right then and there and then that ended just sorta naturally and they both graduated and it’s time for prue to leap into the professional world and she’s never left california so when she gets a job offer in london she jumps at the chance blah blah blah she’s working she’s having fun she’s defining herself enter eric from london who i’ll say is like a Business Man he’s like a this that or the other idk maybe a museum investor like the young son who just took over his dad’s business that sorta vibe and like eyes meet breath catches there was just this click but it like took them months to get together it was just this dance this game of cat and mouse until prue finally like took the bull by the horns and just like went for it and i think that would be her like most “adult” relationship like dates were going out to fancy dinners not breaking and entering or picnics on the empty football field these were like two professional adults like dating but you know they hit a year and then some and we’ll say like prue is maybe like 24 25 and this guy’s maybe 29 or whatever and they’ve attended friend’s weddings bs they’ve hit that era where everyone’s getting married and suddenly this cloud’s hanging in the air like baby are you my forever girl like is this it fifty years from now to i still come home to you put you know what let’s push that to the back of our minds but now eric’s like 30 and his family’s like dawg,,,, r u gonna be like a spinster or something are you gonna put a ring on it or not and prue (after many many international phone calls to piper) has decided yes she’d do it she’d stay her and be with this man she loves and eric decides prue’s just not the girl for her. so uh. ouch. blah blah blah prue’s had her fun in the uk but it’s like time to return home piper’s just graduates college or whatever and found a job in the city if prue follows suit they could room together which is when she gets the job at the museum where roger works at. and blah blah blah prue’s like amazing as always and of course she catches roger’s attention bc how could she not and he’s constantly pursuing her and prue keeps turning him down at first bc she’s not really interested and then like he’s her boss and then like it becomes a sort of game but now all her friends from high school are getting married and marcia from homeroom has a baby look and the lil pumpkin on her christmas card and fuck what am i doing so you know what yes roger i’ll be your date to the new years party and here’s the thing roger knows prue is really impressive like she’s amazing at her job and she’s a total babe like he shows her off all the time and prue’s like you know receiving this really high praise and you know roger also has cash to spare so it’s like it’s not bad and she doesn’t well love him but he clearly loves her so she can be satisfied and you know her high school reunion is this year and if there’s one thing she would love it would be to write (nee halliwell) on her nametag, to show she got the job, she got the guy, and she’s living pretty in pac heights. so when roger proposes, she says yes. and piper’s happy for her and phoebe thinks roger’s a sleaze and grams is lukewarm but what does grams know about a long lasting marriage and what does phoebe know about anything so blah blah blah she goes to that high school reunion with a big ol rock on her finger and this that and the other and like to be perfectly frank coming home to roger is not like the highlight of her day there’s not this comforting glow when she falls asleep next to him but it’s like. she’s committed. she’s gonna see this through. besides, they’re already working on the guest list and venue and everything like she’s in it now there’s no turning back now and it’s fine like roger’s fine he’s perfectly palatable and she’s encroaching on 30 so. well whatever prue and roger host an easter party and it’s so cute she’s in a darling floral dress dazzling roger’s stuck up parents and eating finger sandwiches when she hears voices coming from the bedroom and is like gonna pretend to ignore it when she catches piper’s eye and piper has that uncomfortable look on her face and she realizes she can’t find phoebe anywhere and Where Is Roger and she busts in on the two of them looking disheveled and phoebe’s like prue- and prue’s like i don’t want to hear it and roger’s like baby- and prue’s like not now and she turns to phoebe like i think it’s best you go and she looks at roger like we’ll talk about this later your parents are wondering where you are so piper drives phoebe home and phoebe’s telling her about how she went to confront roger on being a whore and also like a spineless sleazebag and she was gonna tell prue when he totally started hitting on her and trying to kiss her and then prue broke in and piper’s like uh huh uh huh bc like. she doesn’t like roger all that much. and she agrees with phoebe. but still this thought sorta lingers at the back of her mind like could phoebe have done something? purely to get back at prue? no she wouldn’t. probably. meanwhile roger’s like your sister was totally hitting on me blah blah blah and prue’s like we can talk about it later right now we’re hosting a very nice party and i’m not going to have you ruin in and roger’s like see that’s what i love about you and prue’s like yeah cool and now whenever she comes home to roger she’s just like 🙄 and she’s like complaining to piper about how like she like doesn’t really want to marry him but it’s like too late now the venue’s booked and the save-the-dates have been sent out and piper’s like it’s not too late until you say i do. do you really want to be married to that sleazebag? and prue’s like :| and piper’s like you can call off the wedding and prue’s like :| and piper’s like i’m just saying and prue’s like does he remind you of dad? and piper’s like what? and prue’s like i think roger’s just like victor. i think i’m about to make the same mistake mom made. god, i always wondered how she could have married such a douchebag and here i am about to do the exact same thing! and piper’s not really commenting bc she doesn’t really remember dad but what she does say is you haven’t made that mistake yet so prue’s like you’re right. and that night she calls of the engagement.
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another-sonic-blog · 4 years
Note
Hey... what about some Hanahaki SonAmy??? We know that Amy is head over heels for Sonic... but he doesn’t show it... so she gets worse... angst??
Amy had to admit that she almost fainted the moment she noticed she was coughing up flower petals.
She didn't think twice to go see a doctor to confirm it.
"Hanahaki disease."
"Are you sure?"
"Unless you secretly like to eat flower petals, then yes, I am 100% sure Ms.Rose."
The doctor had already warned her that if in two months she didn't do the surgery, she would surely die. However, doing the surgery will come at a great cost, losing the romantic feelings she has for Sonic the Hedgehog.
Death or love?
For anyone else, the answer will be clear, do the surgery right away but Amy didn't want to. She had to try one more time before she says goodbye to her beloved hero.
She had to accomplish two things. Hide her disease from Sonic and make Sonic love her back before it's too late.
.
Sonic wasn't never one for romance. He never really cared for it nor wanted it.
Although there was someone in particular who could change this ideology once in a while.
Amy Rose.
"So, any particular reason why you took me here?"
Sonic looked around the lake. It was one of those scenarios again. Amy and he will spend some time together, like a date. They will talk, laugh and sightsee the landscape. A very beautiful lake and cherry blossoms, as pink as Amy's fur surrounded them. Finally, Amy would confess his feelings for him, he will deny them and run away.
"I literally, have not much time...so I'll ask you this. Do you love me?"
This time it wasn't like he expected. Things will usually go the way he plans and they will always be in good terms. He noticed Amy was acting strange. She would usually look at him with loving eyes but now her green eyes were filled with anxiousness. Her body softly trembles and she held her stomach as if she was trying not to throw up.
"Are you alright?" Sonic avoided the question as he knew her health was a top priority for him. He walked closer to her but she pushed him away.
"I am fine...just please." Amy looked at the grass under her feet, her voice sounded tired, too tired and that pained him. "Tell me...do you love me?
It was serious this time.
But he couldn't say it, the words wouldn't come out of his mouth. He was trapped, he pushed away his feelings for so long that he didn't know what to feel. He didn't have the time to properly sit down and think about them because he simply didn't have the need to.
Because he knew that no matter the answer, Amy would be there for him.
She always is.
"No," Sonic added. "I am sorry, I don't think so."
He waited for Amy to answer. Deep down, she already knew. That his feelings couldn't just change in a few days nor few months.
She had a small hope, however, that maybe she had a special place in his heart.
"But, I really do care for you." Sonic panicked, he was afraid to make her cry. "You will always be a special friend to me."
"You will always be special to me too, Sonic." Amy smiled as she placed her hands on his cheeks, taking one last good look at who could be the love of her life.
She wished for this feeling of love to come back, one way or another.
.
Sonic had to admit that he was beginning to worry when he noticed that Amy was getting sicker by each passing week. He will bring her food and visit her once in a while and always asked her about her appointment with her doctor. It got to the point that she even had to stay for a whole week in her house. However, after that, she looked so much better.
Like a new Amy.
"Any new missions?" Sonic asked as he entered the Resistance HQ. In the beginning, he didn't want to be a part of it, he preferred going solo or with Tails. However, as time passed, Amy convinced him to stay as a full-time member.
"There are several ones, you get to pick," Amy said as she clicked a tab on her computer and opened the missions available.
"This one sounds interesting...investigating a rumor of Eggman's new biological weapon," Sonic said as he read the information on the computer.
"Oh, that one is taken, sorry."
"Who is doing it?"
"Shadow and I."
Sonic looked at her curiously, it was strange enough for Amy to take missions. According to her, she was already busy enough and couldn't afford to go. Sonic had asked her a few times already if she wanted to go on a mission with him, but she declined.
"Well, that's...great, I think," Sonic added, he looked away as he grabbed his neck. "I didn't know you and Shadow were friends."
"Yeah, we hang out from time to time."
Amy said it in such a normal manner that it took him by surprise. He played it cool as he noticed Amy looking at him.
He smiled and gave her a thumbs-up, "Well then, good luck!"
.
Sonic thought that it was going to be the end of that.
But it wasn't.
They would eat together, hang together, talk together, be together.
It was all about Shadow and Amy.
Sonic would be lying to himself if he said it didn't bother him.
"So...are you going to tell her or not?"
Tails, Sonic's best pal, knew perfectly well that Sonic wasn't doing any good. Of course, he was there to help his friend figure out his feelings once and for all.
"What do you mean?"
"You have been looking at Amy and Shadow since we got here." Tails said. They were currently at the Resistance's dining room. Tails thought that today he was going to eat his burger peacefully, but destiny had other plans.
"When are you going to realize that you like her?"
"Who?"
Tails rolled his eyes, can Sonic be more naive?
"Amy. You like Amy but you are just too stupid to realize."
Sonic quickly stopped looking at the pink and black one and turned to look at his yellow friend. "I don't like her. I am just worried that Shadow might hurt her."
"Hurt her? Really Sonic? Shadow has proven to be more than trustworthy. Look for a better excuse."
Tails was right. Saying those kinds of things were low and Sonic sighed defeated.
"I don't know...I don't know what to do." Sonic placed his head on the table and closed his eyes. "I was never interested in...those kind of things."
"Kind of things?"
"You know...Romance." Sonic turned his head to look at Tails. "I just...don't think I am fit for it."
Tails looked over at Sonic. He was doing bad, clearly. Tails had never seen his blue friend like that before and to be honest, he hated it.
"It's not about been fit...it's about making her happy."
"But what if I am not able to make her happy? I've messed up so much."
"That's true." Tails added. "But that should be reason enough for you to make her even happier."
Sonic looked up at Tails and positioned himself straight.
"Thank you, Tails." Sonic smiled.
.
"So, why did you bring me here?" Amy looked around the lake, she remembers being the same one she confessed her love to Sonic for the last time.
It was daytime when she confessed, but now, it was dark.
"The lake is very beautiful at night," Amy added. "But it is a bit cold, don't you think it's better if-"
"I like you!" Sonic said loudly as he interrupted Amy. He was blushing from cheek to cheek, waiting for Amy to respond.
Seconds passed and Sonic asked again. "Can you say something?"
"I don't know what to say."
Sonic thought that this was going to go differently. However, he still tried to stay positive.
"You can say that you like me too...because you do, don't you?" Sonic smiled as she got close to her but Amy instantly moved away.
That pained him.
"It's because of him, isn't it?" Sonic looked down to the grass under his shoes, disappointed.
"What?"
"It's because of Shadow, right? You love him don't you?"
Amy stood quiet, unable to answer.
"Don't you?!"
"Yes, I do!" Amy said almost screaming, "I love him!"
"Then, what about us?"
"There is no 'us', Sonic."
"What about all of those years you chased after me?" Sonic took a pause, trying to contain his anger. "All of those years, confessing your love to me...that love, is it really gone?"
"Yes, it is!"
"Why Amy? What did I do that pushed you away? I thought we were good with the way things were! Why Shadow? Why not me-"
"I had the Hanahaki disease!"
A few minutes passed after Amy said that out loud. Sonic couldn't believe his ears.
"Then...the day you confessed to me here...that day...you had the disease?"
"Yes."
"Did you...had surgery?"
"...Yes."
Sonic took a gulp of his saliva and continue to ask, "When?"
"Three months ago."
Sonic tried to calculate in his head, something wasn't adding up. "You began to be close with Shadow around 4 months ago, however."
"Yes," Amy added. "That's because I began to hang out with him after you denied my feelings for you."
"How did that happen?"
Sonic felt more than hurt now, he couldn't describe the strange pain he had in his heart. The weird sensation he had in his stomach.
.
"So the faker said no?"
Amy tried to clean her tears as she heard the voice approach her. She was still at the lake, looking at the water as she sat on under a sakura tree. "What do you want Shadow?"
"Me? Nothing." Shadow sat down next to the pink one. "What do you want?"
Amy couldn't control herself any longer and she threw up flower petals once again. She looked at Shadow, embarrassed.
"Don't tell anyone-"
To Amy's surprise, Shadow did the exact same thing she did.
He threw up a good amount of flower petals.
"You..." Amy looked at him surprised. "You too?"
"I didn't know what was the Hanahaki disease until I went to the doctor," Shadow said as he looked at the lake in front of him. "It's a strange disease. I am the Ultimate Lifeform, I am immune to any kind of disease but this one...because this one is different, like magic even. Luckily for me, I can't die because of it."
"But why won't you have it surgically removed? Amy added. "It must be annoying hiding all the time you have the Hanahaki disease, besides, coughing up plower petals is painful."
Shadow looked at Amy, who was really intrigued to hear his answer.
"Because I actually like it...being in love," Shadow said simply.
"Even if it pains you?"
"I've had the Hanahaki disease for a year now, I am used to it," Shadow added but he knew it was a lie, after a year, he still couldn’t get used at how painful it truly was. "But unlike me, you can actually die. You should have surgery soon."
"I know it's crazy but...I would like to keep on loving Sonic as long as I can." Amy looked at Shadow, who was listening carefully, "I won't have surgery until my time is out...I, too, like, being in love with him, you know."
"Understandable, if I was you, I would do the same thing."
Amy smiled and she asked teasingly. "She must be really special, ain't she?"
"Very."
"Can I know who she is?"
Shadow didn't say anything. He finally had the courage to only hold her hand softly,
Amy looked at his red bright eyes, and that's when she found out the answer to her question.
.
"You should have told me!" Sonic exploded with jealousy after hearing Amy's story.
"And then what?!" Amy screamed. "Would you have said 'yes' out of pity? You perfectly know that the disease doesn't get cured with fake love! I needed you to love, to really love me-"
"BUT I DID! I DID AND I DO LOVE YOU! I WAS JUST STUPID ENOUGH TO NOT REALIZE IT!"
Sonic screamed at the top of his lungs, seeing Amy's face hurt him more than the physical pain he was having.
Amy tried to be strong not to cry. Her frustation took the best of her. "I loved you...I loved you so much... and the thought that we could have been together, it really hurts."
"But Amy, " Sonic got closer to Amy and held her hands, tightly. "We still can be together, we-"
"No, we can't..."
Sonic knew this was coming, he refused to hear it, he didn't want to it. He just didn't want to accept that fact, not now, not ever.
Amy sighed as she gave Sonic one last look before leaving.
"We can't...because I don't love you anymore."
Amy walked away but Sonic tried to stop her. She didn't realize that he had fallen to his knees, holding his stomach as he tried to control the pain inside of him. He looked at her walking into the woods, disappearing out of his sight, leaving him heartbroken and alone.
and then...
Sonic began to cough up flower petals.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A/n: I live for angst SonAmy. Thank you for this nice prompt and sorry I took so long writing.
I hope you enjoyed it!
If anyone wants to send a story prompt feel more than welcome to!
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pomeqraniqht · 3 years
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Random Character Development Questions meme: ALL OF THEM for Sofia (revenge!!)
001. When is their birthday?      June 5th.  002. Do they do anything to celebrate their birthday?      Depending on the verse she’ll go out with her friends or her Aunt will take her on a vacation or something.  003. Does your character like coffee better, or tea?      Sofia likes both equally, tea more in Autumn though for some odd reason.  004. Do they prefer being alone or with others?      Sofia does NOT do well on her own AT ALL. She definitely needs a healthy ecosystem of people to survive.  005. Are they in good health?      Sofia under-eats at times and others she starves herself to fill her mother’s outlandish ideas for body image. So no, she isn’t.  006. What sense do they most rely on?      People’s approval.. whether it is at work or in relationships.  007. Is your character an optimist or a pessimist?      Both at times it depends on which mind-set she is in.  008. What is their favorite fairy tale?      Cinderella.  009. Do they believe in happy endings?      Yes even if time and again she’s been proven they aren’t real.  010. Do they believe in love at first sight?      Yes and no. Sofia’s so hateful to herself she believes in it for everyone else EXCEPT herself.  011. How would your character court the person of their dreams?      Carefully and with love, Sofia would honestly do anything and be anything for them.  012. What makes your character embarrassed?      LITERALLY EVERYTHING! 013. Have they ever been bullied or teased?      Too many times in her life.  014. Detail one secret shame your character feels.      Sofia hates her stretch marks and wishes she could have them removed forever. 015. Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue?      Fists. She’s tiny but mighty! 016. What is their choice of weapon?      Whatever is the closest option? 017. When does your character think that violence is justified or deserved?      When someone is trying to hurt someone they love/robbery/self defense. 018. Your character wakes up to find that war has been declared. What do they do?      Cry. 019. If they could have a superpower, what would they choose?      Invisibility. 020. What are their hobbies?      Sofia enjoys reading, listening to music, baking/cooking, swimming, and buying face masks. 021. How do they display affection?      Cooking food and sweets for the ones she loves. 022. What is the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen?      Verse dependent as par usual but for this one I would say: the forest they got married, Roman, Stella, and Rusty the day he was discharged 90 days sober. 023. What do they consider beautiful in others physically?      Eyes...and tattoos. 024. What do they consider ugly in others physically?      Nothing! Sofia finds everyone beautiful (but honestly it’s dental hygiene.) 025. What do they consider beautiful in others personality-wise?      Kindness and understanding. 026. What do they consider ugly in others personality-wise?      Hatred. 027. What is their idea of perfect happiness?      Eating sweets without gaining weight with the person she loves. 028. What makes them laugh out loud?      Tickles. She’s extremely ticklish. 029. What sort of sense of humor does your character have?      Sweet and dark. 030. Do they believe in the afterlife?      Yes, she visits her father’s grave often and speaks to him. 031. Are they superstitious about anything?      Breaking mirrors and Friday the 13th. 032. Does your character believe in ghosts?      Yes. 033. Do they keep their promises?      Yes. 034. What’s their view of lying?      Death penalty. 035. What is the most important rule your character lives by?      Treat others how you wish to be treated. 036. How honorable is your character?      Extremely unless she’s in the shower or bathtub with a certain someone. 037. If your character saw someone drop a large sum of money and knew that they could probably take it without anyone noticing, what would they do?      Absolutely not!  038. What bad habits do they have?      Weighing herself constantly and hiding beneath baggy clothes. 039. What do they think is the worst thing that can be done to a person?      Cheating. 040. What is their obsession?      Face skin care. 041. Are they comfortable with technology?      Yes. 042. What is their greatest achievement?      Graduating college with a teaching degree. 043. What will they stand up for?      Justice for abuse victims. 044. What disgusts them?      Worms. 045. Does your character have any chronic medical conditions?      No. 046. How do they handle getting sick?      Not well, she’s a little bit of a baby. 047. What was the last medical problem your character had?      On record/cannon it was a car accident while she was about 7 months pregnant with her second child. 048. Do they have any allergies?      Yes, to Bullshit.  049. How does your character feel about growing old?      Indifferent. 050. How does your character feel about their own mortality?      Everyday is a blessing.  051. If they knew they would die tomorrow, what would they do today?      Go find Rusty Parker and spend every minute with him telling him to be happy, to stay away from drugs, and to be strong for their kids.  052. What is your character’s worst flaw?      Her insecurities.  053. What is your character’s greatest strength?      Her cooking skill. 054. Does your character want power or authority of any kind?      No. 055. Is your character an introvert or an extrovert?      She’s an introvert but with her friends she’s a happy medium. 056. Has your character ever struck someone in anger?      Yes. 057. Has your character ever killed anyone?      Not yet. 058. What is your character’s idea of a perfect day?      Pancakes and sex. 059. List several phrases your character is fond of uttering. Where did they pick them up?      ‘Goodness me, oh my god, are you serious? Baby...and c’mere’ - several places. 060. What is your character’s attitude toward education and learning?      If you want a better life a degree certainly helps but education should NOT cost you your life to be able to afford it.  061. Does your character prefer adventure or safety and security?      A healthy dosage of both. 062. What sort of legacy does your character wish to leave behind?      A kind one.  063. How well does your character handle difficult people?      Not well.  064. In what ways does your character annoy others?      Constantly needing he be reassured she’s wanted. 065. Is your character better at leading or following? Which do they prefer?      Neither? She just wants to let someone else handle it all. 066. Does your character prefer city life or being out in nature?      Out in nature. 067. Does your character believe in fate or destiny?      Both, extremely so.  068. How strong is your character’s sense of responsibility? What kinds of things trigger it?      Sofia is extremely responsible, she loves kids and wants a big family some day. Her job, her aunt, her relationships.  069. What about your character is heroic?      She’s a survivor of mental and physical abuse. 070. What about your character is cowardly?      She won’t acknowledge her eating problems.  071. How kind is your character?      Would rip her heart out and give it to someone if they needed it.  072. In a Dungeons & Dragons game, which class would your character be? (wizard, fighter, bard, priest, ranger, etc.)      A wizard, duh. She’s magic.  073. In a novel, what plot role would your character fill? (hero, anti-hero, sidekick, villain, etc.)      The main character.  074. What is your character’s favorite game?      Monopoly. 075. Is your character ticklish?      EXTREMELY! 076. How do they express anger?      Tears and yelling.  077. How often do they cry? Over what?      1 week out of the month and literally anything.  078. How emotionally stable is your character?      Depends on the day, we’re either 2009 Britney or Kamala Harris.. it’s never in the middle.  079. How easy is it for them to read the emotions of others?      Good and bad sometimes. 080. How easy is it for others to read your character’s emotions?      It’s like a two way mirror.  081. Is your character religious?      No. 082. What are your character’s sleeping preferences?      All the time.  083. What is the first thing they say and/or do when they wake up?      Go potty and brush their teeth. 084. Describe your character in one word.      sunshine.  085. Describe your character in three words.      Sweet, soft, adorable.  086. How would your character describe themself in one word?      Ugly. 087. How would your character describe themself in three words?      Smart, fat, awkward. 088. Is your character quiet or loud?      Yes. 089. How vocally expressive is your character?      Very. 090. How bodily expressive is your character?      Not at all. 091. What type of music does your character like?      Literally anything.  092. What emotion does your character evoke in others?      Happiness? I think?  093. What is your character’s goal in life?      To be a professor at a college.  094. Name three things most would not expect your character to be able to know.      How to deliver a baby, how to do stitches, and how to bake a turkey.  095. Name three things most would not expect your character to be able to do.      Fix a broken boy, kill her mother, and have a baby without pain medicine.  096. How do they move and carry themselves? What energy do they project?     Sofia’s a shy little bean who honestly just walks around smiling even when she’s broken inside.  097. How well do they adapt to change?      It takes her a long time to get used to somethings but others its easy.  098. Does your character like animals?      Yes! 099. Do they talk to inanimate objects?      Absolutely.  100. Does your character dream? If so, what do they dream about?      the happily ever after.
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The 100 said Live Fast Die Young, Bad Bitches Do It Well, and they were Right
We were so fed this episode with women kicking ass, it’s what we deserve. As always, spoilers for the most recent episode (7.06) of The 100
            Indra becoming the commander of Wonkru, you love to see it. Like we’ve been saying this shit for years now, destroy the fucking flame and let Indra lead. Shout out to Adina Porter’s amazing acting skills (again), because every scene she’s in she absolutely kills and I am constantly in awe of everything she does. I understand where Indra was coming from with trying to get Madi to unite Wonkru again, the flame and the commander is all she’s known, but it was still,,,, Not Great! I’m so happy Jackson, Murphy and Emori showed up and put a stop to that shit, and I love how much they genuinely care for her. Side note, while I love getting to see Madi being a kid and getting to experience being normal, the fucking whiplash I got seeing Duncan/Quigley Quagmire on screen was a Time. “Yes I was a null left out to die, no I don’t want to fight you”, this kid is so Tired already I love him and want the best for him. 
            Beyond that incredible scene of Indra taking control of Wonkru (complete with “Can I at least watch?” ‘No.’ “I’m going to watch” and Murphy’s little clap, fucking amazing I love every moment Memori is on screen), the Sanctum scenes Once Again Dragged On. And now we added another plot? Technically we added it on a couple episodes ago but I’m already So Tired of Hatch’s girlfriend whatever the fuck her name is. “Tell Raven Boom Boom” fuck out of here with that corny ass shit, you are the Least important storyline in the clusterfuck that the writers have created. I kind of hope they all just get like...sent to a different planet I don’t Care about it. 
            Sheiheda (finally spelled that bitches name right I think) is so....one dimensional. Like, I get it it’s the increased tension with the believers and Wonkru fracturing and what not but he’s so fucking evil for...no reason?? He’s like, “everyone wants power blah blah blah power is the greatest weapon you could have, I’ll teach you how to gain power” whoop de fucking do. You’re not special, you’re not even an interesting flavour of evil I’m so tired of your shit. Penn getting the best line of “please Shut Him Up” was the audience taking over his body for a hot sec. Nelson I had hopes for you but like....b u d d y. “Hmm, I have dedicated my entire life to taking down corrupt leaders who take away people’s free wills so they can stay in power, but I guess I’ll listen to you, who won’t shut up about how people want power (self project much?) and also just give off bad vibes” like b r u h. 
THE DIYOZA-BLAKE FAMILY IS BACK IN ACTION BITCHES!! When Diyoza appeared I was so fucking happy I have Missed Her. The montage of her being as inconvenient as possible and rescuing herself to a kickass soundtrack? Art. I love them all getting to reuinte and the little moment of comforting Octavia when she said Bellamy was dead (just you fucking wait babe). I think it’s fairly obvious which direction they want Echo to go but I’m still hoping against hope she gets some good character development before the series ends. Diyoza agreeing with Echo killing that old man picking flowers but Octavia not liking it, Interesting. 
And Levitt!! He’s Not Dead!!! I am still very concerned for him and also slightly suspicious of him but I really really hope he’s as genuine as he seems. His and Octavia’s little moment, beautiful I loved it, Levitt really said punch me in the face it’ll be awesome huh. Not like, super thrilled with Gabriel’s choice but whatever they needed them to stay on Sanctum I guess. 
(fuck you for mentioning the native Bardoans again without letting me see them or giving me more information Let Me See The Crystal Giants.)
And finally, our lord and saviour, Clarke Griffin and her team of planet hopping idiots. Did Not enjoy the spiders, just right off the bat, not a fan of those. However, Nakara being the human garbage disposal is so fucking funny to me and the fact that the caves are a living being (with an anomaly stone in it like fucking what??? Did this bitch eat that too???). That smash cut between Russel saying “Then you take out the enemies Queen” and Clarke Griffin, poetic cinema. I love her so much y’all and I love her and Raven’s little moment. ALSO! I would die for Niylah and her stupid puns I love her and want her protected at all costs. Jordan geeking out over aliens continues to be a delight, this is what we deserved from Monty and Harper’s kid. Remove the impressionable youth from the shitty influences and would you look at that, Much Better. And Miller continues to be a delight and a whole ass mood in every episode, just here for Clarke and to get their people back but complaining the whole way because of the batshit insanity they go through, I Love Him. So many “side” characters got like, three lines this episode and that’s really great for them, would love to see them say more some day. 
I will say I wish Raven apologized to Clarke for what she’s said and done in the past, but her line of Clarke Griffin doesn’t break was really indicative of how the rest of the deliquints saw her, as their leader yes but also someone who could kill without falling apart when in reality we know it nearly destroyed her inside. I really hope that Raven continues to grow and understand and her and Clarke get to where they should have always been. Also, Raven talking about killing twelve (12) people and how it feels like her soul is breaking or whatever and I can just imagine Clarke’s inner monologue of “Remember that time I killed an Entire Mountain Of People and y’all got mad at me for leaving to process that, good times good times”. It’s definitely the start to a better path for Raven and I really really really hope it continues. 
Overall, this episode while the plot was kind of boring was saved by just how amazing the ladies were, kick ass take names and look incredible doing it, I love them. The acting continues to be incredible (once again shout out to JR Bourne for doing the Most) and even though I despise some of the storylines, the actors should be given praise for making it compelling stories to watch with how far their characters have come. Fuck Sanctum though. 
Next Episode Emori getting her time in the spotlight? You love to see it. I will say I’m incredibly worried for her (JRoth if you kill her is2g) but I am also So Ready to see her go off. I think this is the episode of Murphy with a gun to his head comes from? Idk should be interesting even if it’s dealing with whatever the fuck her name is crazy lady. Also, trouble with the Diyoza family, which will be Extremely interesting to watch as Diyoza has to come to terms with the fact that Hope has grown up without her, but also trying to make sure she doesn’t make the same mistakes Diyoza made.
When will Bellamy return from the war. When we get the Bellarke reunion I’m going to lose my mind y’all already know I’m a clown for them and I miss him (once again the character not the actor because Once Again, it is Completely understandable for them to prioritize their mental health first). I feel a little like Kronk watching these episodes like “oh ya, it’s all coming together” I can’t Wait for all the OG’s to reunite for the final season
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laufire · 4 years
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Black Sails s3
This one took me longer because RL got in the way LOL. I’ve loved it as much as the other two (even if I am IN PAIN over you-know-who’s death DD:). I don’t know when I’ll have the time to finish the last season, but I wanted to post about this one before starting it; otherwise it’d accumulate with the 10+ and counting metas I want to write about this show once I have the full picture LMAO.
Max
As always, I have to start with her because she’s THE FUCKING BEST. This woman is currently competing for the number one spot among fictional characters in my heart LOL (I mean. I have loved Caroline Forbes --who I actually think Max has a lot in common with lmao. Everything I love is the same, as I always say-- for too many years for her to ever be truly dethroned; unless something goes really wrong with Legacies I guess. However, it’s still remarkable that a character could make me doubt).
I’ve absolutely adored her plot this season; watching her growing sphere of influence, the way she affects and upends others’ lives. That’s very much being present since season one, especially with her and Silver in tandem (I have a lot of Thoughts(TM) about those too as a driving/disruptive force in the show --they’ll go to one of those metas--; I’m put off by the fact that I didn’t get to enjoy them conspiring together this season lol. Though her reaction to the fake Long John Silver letter was kind of hilarious xDD. Still. I kind of wish we’d seen the scene where Silver tells her he renounces to his part of the price. It could’ve been very interesting --I guess he could’ve told Jack but that wouldn’t’ve been as good, so this is my headcanon).
The most obvious storyline where this manifest is in her relationship with Anne and Jack. I love everything about it, but well. I have to admit, the ~betrayal/different sides element appeals to me xD. I like that Max prioritices herself and her safety. That she sees the writing on the wall with the English invasion or with Vane’s execution and acts accordingly, the way she calculates her decisions and forms alliances without letting past grievances get in the way --with Eleanor, Rogers, Mrs. Mapleton...--, the choices she makes because she doesn’t want to be “on the outside looking in” ever again and how they always end reverting in her benefit, ultimately (I’m getting ahead because I am spoiled of quite a few things about s4, but I LOVE that eventually she mends her relationship with Anne and Jack. Because it fits into this: how even the possible mistakes and emotional compromises she makes are within a very specific frame that works out for her in the end).
Her relationship with Anne gets even better this season. I think my favourite scene is where Max tells Anne that she nows Anne “cannot fathom leaving me”. Can I get this woman’s confidence LMFAO. But seriously. I luff them. I love how Max convinces Jack of going along her plan to replace the gold with good easier to transport (and how THAT ends up being Flint’s treasure asdñlfkasfj. MY GIRL DIRECTLY CAUSED THE EVENTS IN TREASURE ISLAND OKAY) by appealing to their mutual love for Anne. That she trusts Anne with the story about her father. That she knows just as well as Jack that Anne wouldn’t give up the treasure so easily and she’ll try to save him (and that Anne won’t stomach the thought of Jack being tortured because she couldn’t bear MAX’S torture. My heart).
Another highlight of the season for me was her relationship with Eleanor, which keeps being a huge surprise no matter what xDD (even if, again, never in a shippy way. I’m very glad the season doesn’t go there). I love the reversal of expectation in a general fandom landscape: how ultimately, Eleanor doesn’t have an emotional hold over Max (and that she lost it as early as 1x02, IMO. I’m not saying “Max doesn’t feel anything about Eleanor”, but the truth of the matter is, narratively Eleanor serves Max, not the other way around. And I’m happy and relieved about it, ngl), and that the same isn’t true the other way around. I thought two very telling scenes where a.) Max hosting parody trials of Eleanor that paint her under a completely undignified light, but clearly deriving no pleasure from it: it simply was yet another thing she does for practically, level-headed political reasons; and b.) that Eleanor orders Rogers’ men not to hurt Anne in the exchange because Max’s love for Anne.
Continuing down with Max’s relationships, I’ve grown to really like hers with Idelle. I think Max find Idelle fun, likeable, uncomplicated (the scene where Featherstone tells Idelle he hopes his pardon doesn’t diminish her attraction to her was hilarious and clearly the moment Max was enjoying herself the most in the whole season lmfao. BTW, I kinda liked Idelle/Featherstone since the moment he told Jack he wasn’t concerned because “he was in love with a good woman” and Jack was like “Idelle??”. Yes, it’s fun because client-falling-for-sex-worker is a pitiful cliché, but here’s the thing: he’s right xD. He didn’t say “I’m in love with a woman who loves me”. He said he was in love with someone GOOD and Idelle IS a good woman, dammit xDD).
Max doesn’t concern herself much with the idea of Idelle going behind her back because Idelle loves her, respects her, and is a loyal friend (and yet clearly sees Max exactly as she is and doesn’t have any delusions about it. Luckily for her Max is probably the type to feel angry but not vengeful about this lol, if only because it could reflect on her). And Max is right about that. But I love that Idelle still has it in her to take a different path by allying herself with the pirates. I’m curious about the reasoning being after Max makes Mrs. Mapleton madam again; it’s clear the girls aren’t happy about her and she didn’t seem like she took good care of them in s1, to put it mildly, so there’s some of that, but I like to think part of it was Idelle going, “seriously Max? I’m right here! I could be the Madam!” xDD.
Her dynamic with Mrs. Mapleton was really interesting too; I like how she too puts aside any old grudge and decides to put her bets with Max over Eleanor or Rogers, because she has confidence that Max and her methods (“I choose to let the players reveal themselves to me, least I make an enemy out of someone I might wish to call a friend one day”) will outlast them (btw, that line/her approach in general --as well as Silver’s “liked is a good as feared” MO--, kind of reminded me to Sansa Stark’s “If I am ever queen, I will make them love me.” line. Food for thought). Yet I think Mrs. Mapleton instructed Georgia to  attempt to ~seduce Max to get information out of her, which is very much in line with her. I loled at Max’s reaction basically being “gurl, who do you think you’re talking to. I practically invented this. GTFO” xDD
Basically, her entire storyline this season was pure gold. I love how all of those dynamics come from her maneuvers to keep herself safe, in power, and with influence (because those go hand in hand). I love her pride and her confidence, the way she refuses the scraps Eleanor and Rogers intend to give her at first (and how she firmly says to Eleanor “people do not speak to me that way anymore”, how she establishes a new normal between them), and how she pays her way out of trouble/into power with the gold she stole from Flint & co xDD.
My favourite moment of hers is devided between “in another time, in another place, they would call me a queen”, and “I AM Nassau” (that made me decide that if I ever write fic where Max needs a last name for any reason, it’s going to be Nassau. It is law), and how meta they’ll turn out to be :DD. I also have Thoughts about the evolution of her styles (beyond the obvious “omg she’s soooooo beautifuuuuul” lmao) but I’ll leave that for another show-encompassing meta too :P
Madi
She catapulted herself to Forever Fave status pretty quickly (I may have too many of those in this show.  W h a t e v e r  xDD). I love how self-assured she is (“when I speak my men listen, and they do as I say”), and how she always thinks of the big picture (like when she fought her impulse to order her men to fight against the pirates after one of them beat one of hers). And I have a lot of Feels about how this is explicitly linked to her heritage, her mother and father, their ~legacies.
Speaking of: one of the few major spoilers I seem to have avoided was that Mr. Scott was Madi’s father LOL. I was DELIGHTED by that reveal, and how it makes you reconsider his story. His relationship with Eleanor could’ve been a frankly off-putting cliché, but this completely circumvents that; it’s true that he’d shown more independence from her than I would’ve expected in another show, by leaving her side to do his own thing and further contributing to her vulnerability. But giving him a real* family, one that he prioritises over Eleanor and HID FROM HER, using her position to their benefit... That’s on a whole other level.
*I know some people are going to object to this qualifier. Fandom gets like that about found families, adopted families, etc. And I get it, but this is NOT like those situations. Mr. Scott was Eleanor’s SLAVE, FFS. That is incompatible with being her family, her father figure, no matter what she thought. And I love that the show made it explicit, when Madi tried to talk about his “two daughters” and he said “NO. ONLY YOU” in his deathbed (I might or might not have cried, okay. It may be one of my favourite scenes in the whole series). Especially when there’s a very obvious trend of characters of color COINCIDENTALLY being written as prioritizing white characters over their biological families, at the cost of their health and even their lives (I am still not over Monty being forced to kill his own mother to protect Octavia in The 100. Fuck that shit, seriously). Black Sails deciding to do the oposite here is FUCKING REVOLUTIONARY and I love it to pieces.
Another thing I loved is that they picked an actress that looks more like Mr. Scott than like her mother or Max (darker skin etc.): aka how the few black female characters that usually get what Madi will from Silver --that ~eternal devotion, willing to go against anything and anyone for her etc.-- tend to look.
Unsurprisingly, I like Madi/Silver VERY MUCH lol. I like that he is immediately ~drawn to her, in a subtle way, and viceversa (like in the scene where he’s still in the cage watching how she has trouble breathing after seeing her wounded father, or when they hug after his death). All their talks about power, responsibility, succession etc. are really good. And her concern for him is as palpable as probably inconvenient for her xD. I love the scene where she holds her hand as his leg is treated, or her worry one Silver calls himself a “one legged creature”. Though my favourite might be when he smiles when she shows concern for his state after killing Dufresne, and she’s like “well duh, if you fall apart the alliance between my people and yours is screwed” xDD
And though there hasn’t been much development yet on that side, I’m already so onboard with Flint/Madi/Silver lmfao. I love that nod of ~acknowledgment between Flint and Madi with the Maroon Queen’s voiceover about how Madi will have as much authority as Flint in his own ship xD. Her concern about Silver’s relationship with him is kind of ironic knowing that they’ll eventually find themselves more aligned between them than with Silver, by virtue of their many commonalities LOL. And there’s already traces of that ot3 feels, like when Madi tells Silver that the mistake of those “other people close to Flint” that he’s so scared of following to the grave was trying to deal with Flint alone (Madi’s seduction technique: kindness, understanding, and offers of partnership. I dig it).
I want more scenes of and with her mother, too. And between her mother and Silver, since apparently the Maroon Queen trusts him among all the pirates NOT to betray them for money (Jack saying the irony wasn’t lost on him and Flitn was hilarious xD) and that has to be thanks to Madi’s opinion of him. I’m kind of bitter we never got a Mr. Scott & Silver scene, too, especially after Silver and Madi become romantically involved. I love that stuff.
Miranda
I could just upload a bunch of gifs of various crying/in pain/etc. states here because WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS THE PAINNN. I was ~feeling Flint’s grief the entire time, I swear (though... did it have to express itself by shaving his head... asking for a friend). The violence he kept inflicting in her name (her word will be the last word); how he convinced his crew, Silver included, to go into the storm rather than surrendering, for her (and narratively speaking Silver is right, he did conjure it xDD). How fucking tired he is of it all (“you can talk your way part it”, “I don’t know that I have any more lies left in me”).
As far as I’m concerned he could be hallucinating her the rest of the show (I’m going to miss seeing her so much... especially in light of the ending), as painful as I find those scenes. At this point “But when I lost you... I am ruined over you” is an instant tear-jerker, ugh. So is Flint wantint to let go and “be with her”, and ghost!Miranda saying she’d resent him for giving up. Though my favourite is when Miranda basically describes herself as his “maker”, about how she ~shaped him *clenches fist*. I love those kinds of ships.
BTW: I think the moment Rogers mentioned Thomas, Miranda’s ghost, Flint, and I, yelled “HOW DARE YOU SAY HIS NAME” on the inside xD
Flint & Silver
Sometimes fandom gets it right because the relationship between these two is... A Lot. A LOT. I anticipate a lot of suffering on my part in the near future xD
I loved the evolution in the first half of the season, from Flint telling Silver that “in my head, you’re not welcome”, or Silver resenting that Flint’s words convinced HIM (HE’S the convincer!! It’s not supposed to happen to ME!! xDD) and rambling about how Flint is “able to ~conjure the reality he desires”, to Silver finally confessing about his part on the Urca gold robbery (which I’m at least 60% sure Flint suspected already tbh. That was not one of Silver’s best lies lbr) in order to force Flint to “account for ME” --but ofc still grabbing the nearest weapon as he confeses, just in case xDD. I am also incredibly delighted by the fact that the fandom calls that episode “shark date” asdñflkasjdf (*Flint and Silver barely manage to kill one shark*; Flint, challenging: again? *Silver grins*. Shark hunting = foreplay now, apparently).
I want it known that I end up ENRAGED every time they talk about their ~partnership lmfao. It comes off very intimate and gives me too many feelings xD. “When you and I talk with one voice, we can convince them of anything”; “your words opened that door [Flint convincing the Maroon Queen to spare their lives and join their fight]”; “you didn’t tell me the journey into the dark feels good”; “he doesn’t know how to say no to the both of us at the same time”; “I’m afraid I will be the end of you”. JUST STOP YOU ASSHOLES XDD
One of my favourite moments is when Silver convinces Flint to live. To go on, to talk to the Maroon Queen without a safeguard (that knife would’ve been his doom) and get her on their side (which Flint does with a super passionate speech about fighting England’s empire. ILH). Another is when Silver tells him he enjoyed killing Dufresne WITH HIS PROSTHETIC LEG OMFG (I personally think killing Dufresne was very valid of him lmfao), or Flint says Silver enjoyed punishing Dobbs (which in Silver fashion, worked perfectly for him because it made Dobbs MORE susceptible to him). Though obviously everything pales when compared to the scene where CAPTAIN FLINT COMES OUT TO LONG JOHN SILVER OVER A BONFIRE LMFAO. I loved that scene; it was so gentle. And then Silver made it about him and their relationship xDD (this show is not subtle). Flint’s apparent lack of concern about Silver replacing him is stressing me out though. I dread the series finale xD
Outside of Flint/Silver, Silver’s journey remains awe-inspiring. I just... love him. I love that he gave up his share of the Urca gold because he had to hold onto the crew, but that he is terrified of their bow to take care of him. His concern for his image in front of them was heartbreaking and hit waaaaay too close to home, too. And I wonder how he’s going to react to Billy’s King Long John Silver stratagem xD
BTW, I lowkey shipped him with Muldoon LOL. They should’ve had ~tender sex~~ (on screen, I headcanon it did happen off-screen, whatever) at some point (if only so there was one measly mlm sex scene in the show amidst all the rest. It’s troubling, to say the least, that there’s not a single one when it has a queer male lead tbh. And I get why they didn’t go that route with Flint outside of Thomas and can even see why they didn’t do it with Flint/Thomas even if I judge the hell out of them for it, but given how they go out of their way for the other options... yeah, I side eye them).
Jack
I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND I WISH HE HAD MORE SCREENTIME, OKAY. Every time he opens his mouth the show gets just a little bit better, if you ask me xD. “If you’re going to behave like children, I will be your daddy” WHO SAYS THAT JACK XDD.
I loved him even more when he decided to deny Rogers & co the cache, Spanish invasion or not, to not give up and assure “his legacy”. And OF COURSE he could write his intentions in a way that only Anne would understand (Max reaaaally understimated him there). Their relationship remains the sweetest (weird adjective, maybe, but it’s true) part of the show, btw. I love that how Jack describes how hurt Anne would feel after knowing she might’ve unwittingly betrayed him. Or when he knew Anne giving up to easily meant she had a plan and he cheerfully told Rogers Anne would find a way to save him xD (the scene where he absolutely drags Rogers about his privilege --“but did I make up a lot of ground to catch you!”-- is perfect. And their reunion kiss was so, so cute.
Other highlights were when he threw away the key of the cache in front of Flint to secure it, or made his pitch to be his fellow captain in the fight. I also take a petty pleasure in the fact that Vane sacrificed himself when he went to his rescue LOL. 
I like that he convinced Blackbeard to fight alongside them, but sweetie, you have NOTHING to prove to that asshole. His opinion is worthless (between his “strife is good” and Vane’s “comfort is for women” takes... ugh. They remind me of the exact discourse among leftism I hate okay xDD. In Vane’s case I at least get where he’s coming from and I even agree in part, but Blackbeard is even more boring).
Misc
-I love Billy’s more and more insidious antagonism towards Flint lmfao (yes, Flint is also one of my Forever Faves. This is compatible AND the kind of thing that would make me appreciate Billy more. I love irreverence, period). It starts with subtle ways of trying to poison Flint and Silver’s relationship (telling Silver Flint doesn’t see him as an equal, sending Silver to deliver Flint’s message instead of Flint himself, etc.). I laughed at him saying he’s all for Flint sacrificing himself for the crew since it’d be the “first selfless thing I’ve seen him do!” lol. Or that he “wants a good view when things catch up with Flint and the world makes sense again”. And ofc, creating the legend of Long John Silver. You just know he remembered Flint’s out of left field “I AM YOUR KING” and said “not on my fucking watch” xDD. And I love the irony of him being the one delivering black spots LOL.
-Did it really took that long for Anne and Flint to share some freaking words smh. Barely, but I’ll take it. I liked the moment where Jack references Max as “Anne’s lost love” and Flint does that Closeted Queer Observing A Queer Couple Look lol (he did the same when he was witness to Max and Eleanor’s fight. You need more queer friends, Flint :P).
-I liked Mrs. Hudson from the moment that she told Eleanor that the only difference she saw between her and other ladies is that their families have better lawyer --which meant Eleanor was the first one she could be rude towards xD--, and accused her of living of her father’s nepotism LOL. I hope she ends up in a good place and safe back with her kids.
-I can’t say I care much about Vane or his relationship with Eleanor, but his death and her hand on it were very well written IMO.
-I find Rogers so inherently unlikeable in every way LMFAO. And as hypocritical as it might sound, part of it is the extramarital affair ngl. I hate storylines where a man married to a more “conventional” woman is ~attracted to one he perceives as “stronger”, “fiercer”, and more worthy of himself (as if his opinion on the matter is worth shit) --only to eventually try and make the new woman more conventional once he “has” her. This one hasn’t gone all the way there but it has traces of that trope and I loathe it with all my heart.
-The only moment I managed to pay attention to Blackbeard was when he mentioned he had shrapnel advancing towards his heart, and for anyone who knows me a little, you know it’s because my brain linked that to Tony Stark lmfao. *Sighs* I just never like any version of Blackbeard, period. I find them so boring. He’s the opposite of Long John Silver that way, because I’ve loved every single version I’ve encountered so far.
-The way Spain is portrayed in this show is so... unusual. Especially for USA content in my experience. One day I’m going to have to do some more research and write about how Spain (and in particular Spanish violence -inter and intranational) is portrayed across the ocean.
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cordelias-bitch · 4 years
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Fallen🌌- Sarah Paulson Imagine
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You had fallen for sarah months ago, ever since you'd started your job as a show runner for AHS. You ran into her *literally* when you had been asked to collect all stars for the start of filming. And her beautiful features and way with words made you fall head over heels pretty much immediately. She lit up your world and made your job worth while, and you couldn't help the butterflies that resided in your stomach everytime she spoke to you.
The feelings you felt were almost definitely unrequited. You had an inkling that she was seeing someone else, however you had no proof and put it down to your ability to always put yourself down. There were times when you thought maybe she did like you back; when she would place her hand on your lower back as you would walk to set together. The way she always made sure there was a spare coffee from Starbucks, just for you. The times she would invite you back to her trailer and you'd sit for hours talking about anything and everything. But there were times when you were almost 100% sure she didn't have any feelings for you. It was just a constant battle with yourself.
You were determined to tell her how you felt, you couldn't hold it in anymore. It was making work miserable, and it wasn't making you much better either. You had made the decision to tell her, when you found yourself crying in bed again for the 5th night in a row. It sounds pathetic, but that's how it made you feel. Completely exhausted.
*time skip*
You only had about 2 months left of filming, so if everything went completely wrong then you could just avoid her; as much as it would pain you to do. They're were other runners, people you'd made friends with, that knew about your feelings. You were sure they'd take care of anything to do with ms Paulson if it did infact, go wrong.
"Sarah? Can I talk to you? I- Its- I have something to tell you..."
"Of course sweetheart! But I actually have someone for everyone to meet right now. Maybe later? Is that ok?"
"E-er yeah, sure"
You tried to give her a full smile, although you were sure it didn't reach your eyes. Whatever she was talking about made you feel uneasy.
"Er guys! I have an announcement to make-"
Everyone turned towards sarah, most people were walking around the main set at this time, so it made sense for Sarah to make an announcement here. It also meant that if you didn't like what she was going to say, you could make a swift exit without anyone seeing. There was a woman stood to the side of her, youd never seen her before and the looks they shared made you feel sick. She was much younger than Sarah, she almost looked a little like you. Although, she had no blemishes, she was thin and beautiful. And you were just you.
"This is Amelia (a/n: random name choice), you'll be seeing her a lot around here. Me and her are together... ok.... that's all"
Sarah seemed uneasy, as if all she wanted was to tum away. You knew she was never one for public speaking, or for telling strangers her personal business. It was if the brunette bitch beside her had forced her. You didn't mean to have such hatred towards her, you didn't even know her. But she'd taken your one chance of happiness away from you, and all you wanted to do was scream and punch and kick... and cry.
You felt the all too familiar feeling of a lump growing in your throat and tears aligned along your eyes, threatening to fall out any second. You turn around and jogged as quick as you could without bringing attention to yourself. You couldn't be in there with them, in the same room, same atmosphere; with the woman you lived, and the woman she choose to love instead of you.
You never saw Sarah the rest of the day, it was like a military operation avoiding her. Once you had found the "common room" for all the runners, you broke down into tears. You couldn't hold it in any longer. Another worker, called Hannah, understood what had happened and helped you avoid Paulson and her arm candy at any cost.
You knew you couldn't hide forever, what a silly idea that was. So you went to find your manager once your shift had finished and handed him your notice. He was kind enough to allow you to work only 1 more week of your notice and then you could take your holidays. Just 1 more week...
*time skip*
"I haven't seen you around much sweetheart, where have you been? You know you're my favourite"
Avoiding Sarah had been difficult but you had succeeded all week. It would be your luck to see her on your very last day before freedom.
"Don't flatter me, you probably tell that to all the runners"
You handed Sarah what she had asked you specifically to bring her and attempted to leave right away. Being in her trailer, in her personal space, made you feel claustrophobic. It never used to. It used to make your heart fill with anticipation, make your stomach hurt from all the butterflies. Now it just tortured you.
"Hey-"
"Don't"
You pulled your wrist from the grasp of Sarah's hand. And again turned to leave.
"What's your problem y/n?!"
"I don't have one ms Paulson"
"Ms Paulson? All the formalities? The avoidance? Or do you just have somewhere to be?" Sarah's voiced raised, and it made you feel nauseous that you were making her feel this way.
Which was ridiculous. She deserved to feel this way. She made you feel worthless and defeated. Shes made you quit your job, one you were beginning to truly enjoy...
Of course it wasn't her fault. She didn't know...
"Yes actually... I have to pack my things"
"W-what? Why?"
Sarah followed you as you walked towards the runners room, she was relentless.
"I cant be here anymore Sarah, not here, not with... you"
"Why? What have I done? I don't want you to leave, you can't"
"I've already handed in my notice, I've worked a week of it"
"A week?..."
Oh god. She was sure to understand why you were quitting now.
"Its Hannah... that's why you're quitting?"
It was more of a question to herself than you. So you remained quiet. Which pretty much answered her anyway. You had successfully made it to your locker, all that was left to do was hand in your lanyard to your boss and then you would be gone. Away from here, away from sarah, away from the heartache.
"Look Ms Paulson-"
"Its Sarah. You know that, please tell me what I can do to make this better, I don't want you to leave"
"I have to... for my own sake"
"No."
"No?" You huffed at her, she was always so bloody stubborn, but this wasn't up to her.
"I won't let you leave over something so silly, so trivial"
"Something silly? Are you serious Sarah! The way I feel isnt silly, the fact I have to get away to look after my mental health isnt silly-"
"Help me understand then. Tell me what's caused you to do this, who hurt you?"
"You... you've hurt me sarah"
You didn't mean to snap, in fact you didn't mean to say those words at all. You knew they were harsh but it was the truth, the feelings you felt for sarah were pretty obvious even to her you were sure.
"You strung me along, made me feel like I was someone important. But you don't care, you don't understand how I feel. You've broke my heart and you don't even know how"
Tears were streaming down your face now, making their presence known on your cheeks.
"Let me make it better"
"How sarah?! You can't fix this"
You felt Sarah's hand pull your body around to face her. Your faces so close to one another, your noses almost touching. Your breath caught in your throat as you watched her face get closer and closer to yours; inch by inch. Your eyes never fell from her own until her plump lips touched yours. Until your bodies molded into one and those missing butterflies found their way back home within your stomach. You almost sunk into the kiss until you remembered Amelia, you couldn't do that to her, you jolted backwards and inwardly sighed when your body left her embrace. Your hands pushed at Sarah's chest, any closer to you and you were sure you'd cave back to her lips.
"Sarah... we can't"
"I thought this was what you wanted?"
Sarah looked like a kicked puppy, broken a little even. You felt guilty that she was misunderstanding what you were saying, of course you wanted this. You wanted to be with sarah more than anything in the world.
"It is... god sarah you have no idea how much I want this... but not if you're doing it to make me feel better, you have to want this too. And Amelia-"
"I've never wanted anything more. I've wanted this for months, hell I've wanted you since I laid eyes on you love. I was scared, that's why I got with Amelia, it was only meant to be for one night. But... she made me forget... about my feelings.... feelings for you. And I needed that because I never thought in a million years that you'd want me back. And now I know you do? I'll do anything you want to prove to you that I'm yours. Pretty sure me and Amelia were over before we began anyway, it wouldn't have gone far when my heart belongs to you"
"Sarah?"
"Yes?"
"Kiss me again"
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jq37 · 4 years
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The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 4
Skipper Thistlespring and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
We pick back up at The Swan’s Little Parade where rich people shenanigans are taking place. Gorgug breaks from the group to try and call Zelda. When she doesn’t answer, he leaves the saddest, sweetest apology voicemail ever. Lou breaks. Siobhan breaks. I break. 
Meanwhile, the rest of the group gameplans. Adaine pushes back against the idea that they have to talk to Aelwyn. Her parents are also an option and Aelwyn is not a good person, no matter how hot Fabian is for her. They also check out the guest book from the hotel and see that Bill Seacaster has stayed there several times, always right after a Garthy O’Brien (they see that it happened a bunch while they were in jail and it was probably in conjunction with when Bill was supplying palimpsests). Fabian recognizes the name as a pirate and Cathilda knows they run the Gold Gardens which is a floating pirate casino/brothel.
Kristen tries to release Gorthalax but just confirms that, because of the curse, doing it without messing up Gorthalax is gonna be tough. 
Sandra-Lynn goes to get Gorgug while Fig decides to careen the campaign into Crazytown and make herself Empress for Life of the same. She disguises herself as an old lady and tries to drop off a note giving her phone number as the new number of the cop she impersonated last episode (Detective Decker) so she can send a fully grown cop texts that would def get him Chris Hansen’d irl. Brennan decides that if she’s gonna keep making beds, she should probably lie in one of them for once and comes for her entire life in the funniest scene of the episode. No recap I could give can do it justice(links to clips here: x, x). Just know it ends with Fig running away and ditching her phone in a lake, which could very possibly have plot consequences if she forgets to replace her phone before she’s in a tight spot where it would be helpful and the absolute dumbest/funniest reason for a character death (I want to note that she did replace her phone technically, but with a huge, old, brick phone from Adaine’s jacket that can’t be as useful as an actual cell). 
ANYWAY
Tracker creates a Moon Haven in the van which is basically like a dope pillow fort with the Sanctuary spell cast on it and TARDIS bigger-on-the-inside spatial mechanics. Once they’re inside the Moon Haven, Ragh finally feels safe to tell them what he knows--which he does telepathically via Adaine and the message spell to make everything extra safe. Here’s a rundown of what he tells them:
He saw Kalina on the night of prom after the big fight. She was talking to Jace (the sorcery “teacher”) and an elven woman who looked like Adaine in black robes--Adaine confirmed with a picture that it was her mother. 
After being healed by Porter, Ragh started walking home and was stopped by Kalina who said she would kill his mom if he told anyone what he saw. 
Ragh’s mom Lydia is also a half-orc barbarian. She was on a mission in the Red Waste (where the 7 Maidens have their Sophomore Year quest) and they found a soul gem that was leaking something bad. She put it in her chest to contain the evil but at the cost of her health. She’s now extremely sick and in a permanent, medically-induced rage to keep her alive. She refuses medical treatment because no one can ensure the evil won’t be released if they remove the gem. 
His mom fucking slaps.
So that’s all deeply worrying. Adaine invites Ragh and his mom to live with them in the Haunted House and Fig offers to give them Dr. Asha’s number. Gorgug discovers the Van can become a boat which is convenient for the pirate-y things they have to do (the Golden Gardens is on the way to Falinel so they decide to stop there first). Fig has a heart to heart with Gilear while Adaine and Sandra-Lynn take first watch outside since the Moon Haven can only hold nine people. Adaine has to roll a wisdom save because she’s outside of the Haven’s protection and, even on a 16, the music goes all scary and she feels that something is in the tent with her outside. Something humanoid and her size with its knees to its chest. She senses that if she sees its face, something will happen to her and, instead of looking at it, she calls for Sandra-Lynn. By the time she shows up, the thing is gone. Fig assures Adaine that she’s not crazy or seeing things and, based on Adaine’s description, they’re able to deduce that it wasn’t Baron or Kalina. 
In the morning, Gorgug is pretty bummed and asks everyone to call him Skipper. Kristen is very down and Fabian is very not. They discuss whether they should tell all of the information from Ragh to the 7 Maidens (no) and whether Gorgug should call Zelda (yes). They drive into the sea. Gorgug finally talks to Zelda who is not happy with him for the ghosting and unintentional thoughtlessness. She’s even less happy with him when she realizes he forgot to get the generator they needed to stay in touch long distance. They’re breaking up. Do I mean relationship-wise or phone-wise? You don’t know? Well that makes two of us (Thanks, I Hate It).
They’re at sea for two days and then make it to the floating pirate shipwreck city of Leviathan. Pirate adventures next week, y’all! 
Detention
Fig for Trying to Seduce ANOTHER Middle-Aged Man
Listen, I’ll stop putting her here for this when she stops doing this. Not to mention, she invented a whole ass person (HILDA HILDA?????) when she’s just been told that nightmare monsters are being generated from lies. Fig, my girl. Ms. Faeth. Please. I’m begging you. Please. 
Honor Roll
All of the Adults for Stepping Up
Every single adult in this episode was on fire. Fig confided in Gilear and he stepped up to the plate with a This-Is-So-Serious-I’m-Going-To-Use-Your-Actual-Full-Name, speech. Sandra-Lynn showed Adaine how to do some ranger stuff and jumped in to save her when she cried out. Cathilda was ready with warm milk and cookies she somehow was able to make in the van as soon as Adaine needed them. Sandra-Lynn also had a heart to heart with Fig and even Gorthalax, who’s still trapped in the ruby, gave Fig a spell slot back. And, of course, Ragh’s mom slaps. 
Random Thoughts
Adaine and Fabian both being uber rich but being on the opposite ends of the rich people spectrum is hilarious. Adaine is a “Sleeping in a van? I’ve heard of that but I’ve never gotten to do it. This will be fun!” Rich Kid  and Fabian is a “No turn down service? Hard pass,” Rich Kid. 
I was happy that they brought Ragh along for comedy reasons but who knew he was gonna be so chock full of backstory and important story beats? Like, every good GM has a way of making whatever story path that was chosen seem like the only way the story could have gone and I’m sure that whoever was picked, Brennan would have made that seem like the obvious and essential choices but I’m very happy they picked Ragh. Him talking about how much he loves his mom was so adorable! I love that he’s a big, good, dumb boy now and I’m happy they invited him to live at the Haunted House. That’s def gonna be good for some shenanigans (also love that Adaine’s only stipulation was that he had to be nice to Zayn and he was so eager to agree).  
Insane Ally Move of the Game: Deciding that Kristen genuinely doesn’t know Gilear used to be lunch lad at their school. Is Kristen even on the same plane of existence as everyone else. And then, later, “I worry about Gilear.” Do you really???
I totally forgot that Gilear was not only an elven diplomat but also a full on actual counselor. Makes it even wilder that he lost the job to Jawbone. Also, while we’re talking about him, I said we were gonna inevitably gonna get some more color on Gilear this season and we saw some of that in this ep when Adaine uses detect thoughts on him (which, btw, seems like a horribly invasive thing that people do very casually in this world) and we see that he gave up his career for Sandra-Lynn and then was wrecked when she cheated on him. Really puts a melancholy shade over his hilarious ineptness. 
Another thing I figured we’d see soon and that we’re starting to see is Adaine speaking up on Aelwyn. Two times this ep she tried to steer the group away from Aelwyn and seemed more serious than her usual trash talk. As excited as I am for pirate adventures, I want to get to Falinel ASAP to see how this shakes out. 
Also, on the mom front, wild that we found out that Ragh has a super dope mom in the same scene Adaine took another L and found out that her mom is also involved in this shadiness. Black robes are never a good sign. But I will say, just based on the story beats we’ve gotten, I’m not totally sold on the idea that she’s 100% bad--or at least that she doesn’t care for Adaine at all. I’m wondering if she wasn’t at school trying to find Adaine (possibly among other things). 
“Every time you have sex it’s a gamble. You could lose your heart.”/”What happened to you on tour?”
Gorgug trying to let a full sized griffon land on his arm is hilarious. I love that. He’s so wholesome and dumb.
I love that when Emily was doing her Hilda-Hilda nonsense , turned into Detective Decker, and ran past the police house precinct, Lou was the only person who was on her wavelength and understood what she was trying to do while everyone else was like????
We find out in this ep that Van can control all the auxiliary functions of the van but not the actual driving, which is important to know before a sticky situation. On a more personal note, we find out that he was originally a planetar (second most powerful D&D angel) of Elysium, specializing in harmony, relaxation, and chill vibes and he got dumped and kicked out of heaven for sleeping through a call to battle.
We also get the cursed image of a van with hands which I knew was gonna be the shirt and lo and behold. 
“Fuck Me.”/”When.” Y’all are the worst. 
I love that Brennan mentioned Porter in Ragh’s flashback, fully knowing it was gonna trigger Emily. 
Fig’s new plan is to get all of her parents in a throuple and I don’t even know where to begin with that tbh so I won’t.
@voxfantasma made a comment last week that Sandra-Lynn very well could have seen Kalina which is why she can she her in the photo--which is an offhand comment I made when I was talking about the rules of the photo last week--and Ragh’s reaction to the photo is making me move this theory back up to the top spot. I still wish they would show the photo to more people so we’d have more data for this. 
I loved Fig tossing Fabian a bardic inspiration for a compliment even though he didn’t really need it. I also love that she has a rider in her rockstar contract necessitating gogurt be at all her shows for Gilear. 
Adaine paranoidly casting water breathing on everyone at the slightest hint that they may have to go near water. Our girl is learning from the mistakes of the last oracle. 
With the gang facing off against the Nightmare King and Brennan’s description of the thing in Adaine’s tent as being humanoid, about her side, and sitting in a sort of defensive way, I’m wondering it what it was was a manifestation of her own anxiety or something along those lines. Of course, it could just be a normal ass monster. Sometimes the scariest thing is your inner turmoil and sometimes it’s just a monster trying to bite your head off. 
We also learn that Cathilda has a super wild adventurer’s life before she settled down to be a maid--so she knows what she’s missing and she’s fine with it--and also that she is paid ridiculously well, which makes me feel better about what’s going on with her. Also, her moment with Adaine and the cookies was so sweet. My notes for that scene say, “Adaine loves Cathilda and so do I.”
I loved Murph and Riz going equally Pepe Silvia trying to anagram out Garthy O’Brien (which is also what I was doing, especially since Brennan specifically spelled out the name). Cheers to Murph/Riz and Siobhan/Adaine trying to single handedly keep the story on track--both in and out of character.
There’s a part in this ep where Adaine Ray of Frosts Fig who immediately Hellish Rebukes her and that’s truly the kind of step-sister shenanigans I want to see from them as much as possible please and thank you. Also, like I said before, it was very sweet of Fig to reassure Adaine that she wasn’t just seeing things in the tent. Her catfishing middle aged men aside, she can be very empathetic when she wants to be.  
Adaine cast (or tried to cast Friends) on the thing in her tent. And I think it’s very telling about her character that that’s the spell she would cast and not an offensive one. Not that messing w/ someone’s brain is a super chill thing to do or anything, but I think, “Maybe I can calm whoever this is and talk to them and we can get some information,” is a much more measured reaction than maybe, “Let’s blast this thing to kingdom come and ask questions later.”
“Man van is a boat, my boat is a van.”
Brennan lets Adaine roll w/ advantage to convince the Hangman to come with them on the Van (which he still hates) because she said, “Please” really cute which is the kind of arbitrary DM fiat that I love. 
Adaine: We should tell them unless we’re being graded on a curve. (Savage.)
“Fig, she’s a maid. She’s not allowed to lie.”
All the skipper talk this ep got the Gilligan’s Island theme stuck in my head (never seen an ep but my mom watches it sometimes) so the next day I was getting dressed going “With Fabian, and the skipper too, the oracle, the PI,” to the GI theme song. Also, did not know skipper and captain were the same title until Fabian got all upset and I looked it up. Yet another piece of information I know because of some game (along with what a panacea is (Dragon Quest 9) and where the CDC is (Pandemic)).
Gorgug, being offered a virgin daiquiri: No thanks, I’m driving. (I’ve said this before: Zac low key has the best comic timing of anyone.)
When Riz is angraming, one of the things he ends up with is something about a “night yorb” which Brennan decided is a real thing that both the Hangman and the Van are very wary about. Having the Hangman constantly being like, “SPEAK NOT OF THE NIGHT YORB!” and the Van being like, “Seriously, don’t fuck with the night york,” was so funny and such nonsense. I can’t wait for the night yorb mini boss fight that has to happen now because of the rule of funny.
Gorgug comes down from his call with Zelda and everyone except for Fabian (and probably Ragh who cannon-balls off the boat w/ Fabian and they both have to be rescued by Sandra-Lynn) knows exactly what happened immediately. Aw, buddy. One of my favorite things about media where you have kids saving the world is you have relationship drama and also the world is ending and it all feels equally high stakes. I find that so funny but also it feels very representative of what high school was like, or at least what it felt like (minus the literal apocalypse, obv. Or maybe not. Idk what was going on at your high school). 
Adaine continues lending out Boggy to anyone who needs him.
Also, Gorgug tries to build a cell tower with driftwood and parts from Adaine’s jacket. It’s not going super hot. 
Both Adaine and Riz are podcast nerds and listen to This Solesian Life. All checks out. Their friendship is underrated.  
“I’m feeling really bad and my van is a boat.”
“I was gonna be straight edge except for drugs,” gives me “Sober salad” energy. 
The whole discussion about Kristen getting tracker silly putty for her birthday. 
The Van was serving some serious Ned Flanders energy along with the Owen Wilson energy this episode. 
Brennan does pretty good whale noises. 
Only crit this episode is Fig with a nat 20 insight to know Gorgug’s conversation with Zelda did not go well. Which is something she’d crit on.
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