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#i saw my reflection in it earlier and scared the shit out of myself
drdemonprince · 1 year
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hi devon! i recently binged all your medium articles, your writing hits so close to home and has opened so many doors of self-reflection for me, thank you. one of your latest ones was about porn and autism, i have some differing opinions on porn itself, but i enjoyed your perspective on it.
i would love to hear your thoughts on autism and hypersexuality in a broader sense. i’m someone that’s recently realised how much my premature exposure to sexuality and porn in childhood made me hypersexual in a way that really stunted my personal growth and had me traumatising myself with my own compulsive sexual behavior. as an undiagnosed autistic adhd kid i was just grasping after any form of stimulating and self-soothing behavior, but also looking after ways to make myself more interesting and appealing to peers and most importantly boys (because interest from men = value as a human i learned early on). i think i could’ve figured out gender and sexuality stuff a little earlier and avoided my comphet phase had it not been for how obsessed i was with sexualising and objectifying myself in my tweens and early teens tbh. i hope to see more people talking about autism and sexuality. my heart breaks thinking about how so many demonise kids with problematic sexualised behavior when they’re literal children trying to figure out this having a body thing and there’s usually grown-ups around them standing idly by doing nothing effective to help.
Hi there! I love hearing from people who don't share my perspective completely but can still get a lot out of my work.
I alluded to this yesterday, but I don't believe hypersexuality or hyposexuality are a thing. Where do we draw the line where it becomes pathological, and why? Clearly humans have varied in how much they desire and think about sex since the beginning of time, and while we still have not figured out a respectful, appropriate way to cope with the fact of it, children also sometimes have an interest in sex and masturbation and a curiosity about it that is completely value neutral. It's just a thing that happens because children are living human beings.
Unfortunately we inhabit a paradigm where this is supposed to be either ignored or punished and discouraged, and anyone who does bring it up is viewed as having some ulterior motive beyond the liberation of children from abuse. And so if a child is curious about sex or driven to explore it in some way, they only means they have of pursuing that interest is by consuming adult material, which a lot of people look back on having done with a variety of different feelings. It sounds like you saw a lot of porn from a young age that really gave you unhelpful expectations for yourself and others and that it really hurt you, and I'm really sorry to hear that.
I consumed a lot of adult content as a child and a teen, not just porn but also real life gore and jump scare videos and elaborate, violent sexual stories, and of all those experiences, the only one that seemed to scar me was the jump scare videos. Seriously, newgrounds fucked me up, and not because I was playing games like Orgasm Angel. It was shit like kikia that fucked me up. The potential that my most beloved friend, the computer, could start screaming at me and showing me dead babies at any moment meant I was on edge and obsessively read all the comments on every video I ever viewed for like... seven or eight years. Even if a friend or classmate wanted to show me a youtube video, I forced them to read through all the comments and convince me it wasn't a jumpscare video first. For like years.
It might be that the only reason I was able to watch and read and play a lot of porn online as a kid without any real adverse effects was because I had a really specific fetish, and so most of the content I was able to view was of an obviously fictional and fantastical variety or was made directly by the people who starred in it. As I wrote in my essay, I'm glad that I started watching brainwashing gifs on weird websites and masturbating to them as a kid. It helped me feel less alone in my fetish and it didn't scar me, and provided a sexual outlet that was actually pretty safe and private and didn't put me in contact with any adults. It was a really nice pressure valve, a way to stim and zone out and regulate my breathing and get off, and finding content like that helped me to realize there was a whole big wide world out there where freaks like me could be okay.
THAT said, I can understand your experience! Porn didn't fuck me up as a kid, but I did learn some really pernicious sexual norms as a teen, because I had abstinence only education at school and I obsessively read Dan Savage's advice column Savage Love as a replacement for having any kind of credible sex ed. I used to worship Dan Savage. I met him for pancakes once, you can read about my whole complex relationship to him and his work in a very old piece I wrote pre transition here:
Dan Savage's work was really influential on me and on a lot of people of my generation. From his stuff, I learned that I should be good, giving, and game for just about anything a partner wanted -- which meant I pressured myself to do things I didn't always want to do. He normalized a kind of casual, unarticulated nonmonogamy among people of my age group including everyone I dated -- and so being open without really discussing what that meant was the norm for me from age 19 until about age 23.
Dan Savage wrote that blowjobs come standard and that any model who is not equipped with them should be returned to the lot -- thats really how he described women who didn't do oral. As broken cars. Dan Savage said that asexuals should only date other asexuals and probably werent real anyway. He said vaginas looked like canned hams dropped from great heights. He said a gay trans guy who couldnt take T for health reasons was 'delusional' for wanting to date fellow gay men. Reading Dan Savage fucked me up, and it's not even his fault -- he was just an outspoken faggot with an advice column that was always clear in reflecting his biases and agendas, and I was just a horny confused kid with no sex education and no where else to learn about sex other than porn and the back of the local alternative mag.
So, this is all a very long and meandering way of saying that I'm sorry you also got attached very young to untrustworthy sources of sexual information and that they also scarred you and left you pressured to be something you were not. I was there. I think many of my generation were and some still are. and not just the Autistics. I know so many people who got swept up in the messages that conventional porn and writers like dan savage had to peddle -- straight people, queer people, poly people, disabled people, everyone. The sad part is that Dan Savage for all his faults was still a lot more progressive than where many of my peers turned, which was sites like efukt or the predecessors to the chan sites and shit. It was brutal out there.
It's also the case that many of us Autistic people are prone to intense fixation and rumination and obsession, by neurotypical standards, sometimes to our detriment, sometimes in a completely neutral way that would cause us zero harm if it weren't for all the societal stigma and judgement. and that can mean that, especially when we are lonely and closeted teens, that we retreat into a lot of damaging digital messages and imagery, and I think a lot of bad, sexist straight porn unfortunately played that role in a lot of people's lives. My version of that was instead compulsively reading pro ana livejournals (as a teen) and then later terf detransition blogs (in my 20s). So again I don't think it's necessarily a phemoneon of porn per se, but obviously there is a lot of really toxic shit out there that has warped a lot of people's viewpoints around sex and relationships, I can't deny that.
I wish I knew what the solution was to help prevent future generations of kids from going through the kinds of damage you and I went through, but I think we are so far from being prepared as a culture to have this conversation that most attempts to broach it end up making things worse for kids in all kinds of scary new ways -- parents heavily monitoring and controlling their kids browsing habits for example. That sure as hell isn't going to help a closeted queer kid who is exploring themselves in most cases. Instead of building a world that is more liberatory and supportive to kids, we just keep trying to control them more and more, and impose more and more strict standards on them, which always hurts the weirdest and queerest among us the worse. It fucking sucks. Shit. i really am going to have to write about about child liberation one day wont i
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APS Book One Excerpt (12)
x Taken from “Chapter 18: Asher.” x If you would like to know more about APS, here is the WIP intro. x You can read the full chapters here. x You can find the excerpt masterlist here. x Current taglist: @full-on-sam, @yesireadbooks, @leisoree, @poetinprose. Ask to be +/- from the list.
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"Asher?" 
The cafeteria lights were half-dimmed, revealing the little boy sitting at the front table.
He looked up. "Talia?"
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"What are you?" 
"I just needed water. And I had a nightmare, so I don't want to head back to bed," I replied. "You?"
"I'm upset," he said, looking down at the table, his fingers interlocked. He had red lines around his eyes. 
My gut twisted. I already what this was about.
I walked over to the water filter in the corner of the room, pulling a plastic cup from the stack that sat on top. "Do you want to talk about it?"
He bit his lip. 
"You don't have to if you don't want to," I said, filling my cup with cold water. 
"It's Cillian," he blurted out, voice cracking. "He's gone. Like, I know those guards said he's gonna come back tomorrow, but I feel like they're lying. And I don't wanna lose any more people. They already took my dads away from me, they already took away all of my friends at school, and now they put me here where I only have you and Marie, since Cillian's probably gonna be gone. And then, what if they take away more people? What if they take away everyone and then I'm alone, and then I won't know what to do? I already hate this place, I already saw so many things I don't wanna see, and I don't wanna be left by myself. I'm just so scared and —"
His words were cut off by an abrupt cough, choke, and a heartwrenching sob. He buried his face in his hands, hiccuping between breaths.
Just seeing him cry triggered a lump in my throat and stinging at the back of my eyes. With weak legs, I sat down next to him and placed the cup of water at his side. Maybe he would need it more.
"I get it. I'm scared too. We're all scared, but Marie and I are gonna stay. We're not going anywhere, okay? We'll be fine. We hate this place too, but…" I swallowed. "Maybe… maybe we'll get out, like Marie was saying earlier. Maybe we can do something, maybe someone will do something, and we'll be free at some point. This isn't forever…"
Did I scream or cry at myself? Was I serious right now? I was telling more empty lies just to comfort this poor kid. Saying things even I didn't believe. Would Marie and I be okay? My gut said no. Was someone going to step up and 'do something about it?' I refused Marie's offer to escape PowerGen less than twenty-four hours ago, because I failure who couldn't help with jack shit, or else I'd fuck it up again. Who was going to free us from PowerGen? Nobody.
Nothing good was going to happen, so why the hell was I still pretending like it would?
“Hey!" a deep voice boomed through the air. "What are you two doing back there?"
I whirled my head over my shoulder, just in time to spot the cafeteria's slam shut behind a rugged security guard and one guant, pale, death-looking Chancellor Janson.
"Asher." Janson sighed. "This is your eighth time this week. How did you get into the cafeteria this time?"
Asher had looked up, trembling as tears continued to roll down his face. “I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry —"
"No you're not, kid," spat the guard, the dim light reflecting off his name tag which read: Jackson. 
His eyes locked onto mine.
“You. What are you doing here?”
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arcanegalaxy · 3 years
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of all the phases i could’ve returned to why’d it have to be the paranormal one
i keep watching videos about creepy stuff at 3am what’s wrong with me
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todourouki · 4 years
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Good Girls, Bad Guys | Dabi
a one shot
SUMMARY: The one where no one can understand why you’re so interested in Dabi, but you just can’t seem to help yourself. Maybe it was how soft he was when no one else was around, or how gentle his touch was against your skin, or maybe even how clumsy he is on purpose just to see you— whatever it was, you couldn’t get enough of the scarred man.
PAIRING: Villain!Dabi & Sweetheart!Reader
WORD COUNT: 5.7k
WARNINGS: Explicit Language, Dabi purposely acts careless during missions so u can tend to his wounds because he’s an attention whore, Smut [18+]
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Dabi was a complete mess.
He was a mess made of old silver staples, burnt purple skin adorning his lean and tall build, the same routined outfit that never seemed to alternate, unruly raven hair always managing to stay as distressed as the day before, and silky yet lewd words that slipped off his sinning lips as if it were his maiden tongue.
The only difference with his usual mess of an appearance today as he stood with arms crossed against his chest would be the large rip peaking through his black coat. Your eyes widened, rushing him into your living room and shutting the door behind him.
Your apartment was one that Dabi never seemed to get tired of. He had only really been in the living room, yet the cozy space always brought an odd sense of familiarity into his soul he couldn’t quite pinpoint.
He wasn’t sure if it was the plush and soft couches, pillows thrown against each cushion making it look just as soft and comfortable as they really were, or maybe it was the picture frames hanging around every wall with a candle on an invisible shelf not too far from the glass.
Either way, the steps he took in his plain black socks on to the carpet under the couches and coffee table brought him into a weird headspace one could only describe as happiness. It really did scare the shit out of him.
With a simple few set of steps, he swung his body down onto the cushions he always found himself sinking into at weird hours of the night like today. The only difference from the current night to others would be that it was an earlier hour, currently being only two in the morning as soft rain pattered against the windows adorning your cozy living area.
“Dabi..” Your soft words whispered into the silence of the room, hands gently hovering over the large cut in concern as you watched him throw you a rather forced smirk.
“Nothing worse than what I already got. Just patch me up like new, princess.” His words didn’t get the usual blush from your cheeks he always searched for after his usual flirtatious remarks filled the room.
All he was gifted with would be a look of sadness covering your usually content face. Without a word, you stood up and walked away towards what he assumed was your bathroom. All the man could do was furrow his eyebrows, the confused face remaining when you walked back into the couch and knelt down on the floor next to him.
“What’s wrong with you?” He bluntly asked, a once drawn eyebrow raising as you brushed the sleeve of his t-shirt off and eyed the dried up cut.
You continued to remain silent, only sighing as the alcohol pad in your hand made its way over to the open skin. Before the stinging sensation could reach his skin though, the opposing hand gripped onto your wrist and tugged it further away and just enough to make your eyes finally meet his.
The silence surrounded the room, Dabi staring at you in order to get you to speak. You were conflicted, of course you loved patching the man up almost every night and hearing about his wild adventures in words that made your eyes twinkle with excitement. Yet you were becoming exhausted of seeing him with a brand new scar eventually worse from the one than before.
“I just..” Your soft voice began, Dabi’s posture becoming subtly more relaxed the minute his favorite sound filled the room. “I get tired of seeing you get hurt all the time, you know?”
Your words made him smirk, the same infamous one he couldn’t seem to keep off his burnt lips. In one swift movement, he released your arm and pushed it back towards the large gapping wound that made your stomach turn.
“You worrying about me?” He questioned, the hand that once gripped your wrist now resting against your cheek as he stared at you mockingly.
It was hard to not get flustered around Dabi. He had such a way with words and always knew just how to get your ears to turn a hue of red you didn’t even know they were capable of becoming. You felt the heat flush to your cheeks and hoped the flattery you felt wasn’t too visible. Your face turned back to the large cut on his arm, ignoring his remark all together.
The minute the liquid reached his arm, a soft hiss you were used to slipped off his lips. You only weakened the grip on the cut, your bottom lip being tugged between your teeth in concentration.
“I have to get rid of the bacteria before I use my healing quirk— I’m sorry.” Your apology rang on deaf ears, and Dabi chose to ignore it in order to save your heart from thinking you hurt him.
He only nodded and placed his hand away from your cheek to behind his head in order to give his eye level some more precision on your face. You had a concentrated knit between your eyebrows, and he almost got worried you were forgetting to blink. This was an expression he was much too used to, yet every time he saw it gave him the same feelings he could never explain.
The silence in the room pained you both, the level of words usually slipping out of either of your lips being brought to an awkward zero. It was really uncomfortable, and you couldn’t deal with it anymore as you tossed the now bloodied up tissue somewhere on the ground.
Your hands replaced the tissue, a light reflecting across his arm and making a hiss leave his lips once again. You knew that the feeling of your healing quirk made him feel uncomfortable and he never really grew used to it yet. It shocked you though, because you’d think after being in this exact predicament probably over 100 times, he’d grown used to the prickling feeling.
“Where was this one from?” Your voice was still soft, trying to ease his mind off the pain in a way you knew was best for him.
Dabi loved the way you cared for him. The first time he met you was at the League of Villains hideout in a trashy old building he really hated. You walked in through that warp guy’s portal and the minute he saw you was the minute he believed in angels. It was like time stopped, and he really wasn’t a fan of finding people so attractive yet there you were.
You were announced to be the healer for the league. Shigaraki found you abandoned in some building destroyed in a fire you couldn’t remember, and finding refugee in the odd man was your only option to survival at that point. With that, you were granted as the only person with a full-blown apartment in the building in order to be available for their every need, and were granted immunity from being on actual missions.
That was good enough for you, though. You weren’t a violent person, and knowing most of their targets were children didn’t sit right with you. Despise that, you didn’t have the heart to quit and instead decided to spend the remainder of your days with the dysfunctional League. You had never felt genuinely needed the way the League needed you, and in some weird Stockholm syndrome way, you couldn’t shake the comfort you got from knowing they had to have you around to genuinely survive.
“If I tell you, you’d only worry more.” He smiled over at you, a rare sight blessing your wondering eyes and making you blush once more.
Dabi wasn’t a liar— that’s something that was well known amongst everyone in the league and even amongst you. So when he thought about what happened today, why he was sitting on your couch, and how he planned on hiding the truth from you, he had to mentally lecture himself for stretching the truth.
The real reason Dabi was getting patched up underneath your touch was because he chose to be.
He would never tell you, but the large and deathly gash on his arm was at first only a slight cut where a staple had fallen out. He chose to ignore it in the beginning and decided to check in with you about it after the weekend passed. Yet the minute he realized that meant he’d have to go several days without feeling your touch and hearing your voice made him change his mind completely.
With that, a tissue was wrapped into a ball and sitting in his lips and Dabi ended up watching himself remove a few staples from his arm and tug at the skin in a way that made him shiver. I literally tore myself open to see her, who the fuck does that?
Your hand had finished doing its job. Dabi could tell by the way the prickling ended, and he found his body getting pushed upwards and being replaced by the comfort of your chest against his back.
You positioned the both of you to where his body was leaning against your legs and chest in a way to make his arm in perfect reach for you. The stapler in your hand warned Dabi of what was to come, and he simply sat back against the comfort of your body heat with closed eyes.
“People that worry are people that care.” You whispered, the sound of the stapler pressing into his arm being the only other sound. Dabi’s face remained stoic as he drank in your words and let a loopy grin cover his bored expression.
“Are you saying that you care about me?” Dabi continued to tease, bright blue eyes now opening and staring into yours with flames threatening to shoot through his pupils.
You scoffed, finishing the last staple and replacing the metal object down with a bottle he recognized as the ointment you always forced him to wear after using his quirk. The cool of the cream made him sigh in content. The contrast of his burning skin to a cold burn-relieving cream brought pleasure into his body.
“I care about all of you— that’s why I do th-” “No, Y/N.” He interrupted, making you clam your mouth shut and listen to his words nervously. “I asked if you cared about me.”
You finished lathering the ointment on his skin, gently propping his body up against the backrest of the couch. He only slightly grimaced and tossed the bad arm on a side that didn’t interfere with his position. Your legs were now crossed underneath you.
“Of course I care about you, Dabi.” Your voice made a groan threaten to fall off his lips. There was nothing Dabi loved more than your voice, especially when you said his name. Whenever you spoke, he knew every one and everything didn’t matter if it wasn’t you and your vocal cords.
Dabi rolled his head to the side to make you face him. Even with a bad arm, he was able to now pick it up and peel his jacket off his body lazily.
“How much do you care about me?” The smirk playing weakly on his lips made you shiver, and just watching his expression brought butterflies to your stomach.
“A lot, that’s why I’m always ready to patch you up..” You mumbled, nervously looking down at your fingers and playing with the ring on your right index finger.
It wasn’t that you were shy— but the way Dabi’s eyes always followed yours brought a certain attraction you couldn’t stuff away. It was almost scary how much he made you squirm, even under something as simple as a gaze.
Sure, Dabi flirted with everyone. It didn’t take a genius to see that he flirted with you in a different way, though. His eyes always lingered longer on your frame when you entered the room, he spoke more words to you than he’s probably ever said in his life, and he always kept his endearing pet-names for you and only you.
“You wanna know something, doll?” He asked lowly, his face staring into yours intensely as you finally lifted your eyes to meet his and nodded your head.
Regardless of his appearance, regardless of his attitude, and regardless of the fact it’s Dabi, you knew that you were a goner from the start. You had a ridiculously annoying crush on him, and we’re pretty sure he could coerce you into doing just about anything. He probably knew that, too.
“I think I care about you more than anyone else here.” His words stitched onto your skin, the quietness seeming as if he feared anyone else would hear his words.
“You’re too good and innocent for this world.” He continued, a patchy hand stretching its way over towards your face and slowly rubbing at your cheeks.
You stood quiet, fearing that he’d stop his words all together and you wouldn’t be able to here the sincere tone he rarely spoke in. The only sound in the room one was able to hear was the pattering of water running down the window and your lit candles cracking amongst themselves. Your head leaned into his hand and let the warmth of his palm silk you in.
“That’s a problem though, baby.” Baby.. Your eyes widened at the new name, eyebrows furrowing and glancing over at him with a tilted head.
“What problem is there about that, Dabi?”
He chuckled, gliding his hand from your cheek to the back of your head as he grabbed a fistful of hair as soft as possible. He tugged your head closer towards his daringly. You breath began to shallow and you felt it, the excitement that always came with Dabi whenever he was around.
“You might be a bit too good for me.” He spoke as if he was trying not to scare you away. The timidness of words only brought you closer to him, finally feeling your chest collide with his arm as you were pressed against his side with your face dangerously close to his.
His blue eyes refused to leave yours, and the intensity of the situation made you nearly melt inside. It’s been a while since anyone ever said something like that to you, let alone a guy. A feeling jumpstarted your butterflies, and you ran your tongue against your bottom lip to hide the now dry sensation of your lips.
“I’m not too good for you, please don’t say that Dabi.” The way his name rolled off your tongue made him groan and grip your hair a little tighter.
You’d be lying if it didn’t feel good.
Your face was close enough to feel the heat run off his cheeks, and you knew that you wanted nothing more than to just collide your lips with his. The sexual tension he oozed was something you couldn’t handle, no matter how hard you clenched your thighs.
“You sure about that, princess?” You heard the dare in his voice and felt nothing but exhilaration run through your veins as if you were speeding down a highway on the opposite side of the road.
You weren’t sure when his hands reached your shorts-covered bottom, but you soon found yourself mumbling in surprise when your body was tossed (with literally one arm) across his figure in a straddling position. Your chest arched into his by the pressure he had on your ass, and a gulp slipped through your lips in embarrassment.
You refused to back down, though.
“I’m really sure, Dabi.”
You knew the effect you had on him when you mentioned his name, and he knew by the way he smirked up at you. His other arm was still limp on his side, but that didn’t stop his dominant and good arm from groping every inch of your lower half. You were trying your hardest to cover a moan, yet the minute he gripped a piece of your thigh close enough between the other, you couldn’t help but slam your lips against his.
Dabi tasted like what you would expect him to taste like. The saliva that trailed from his throat down yours had the taste of metal and mint chewing gum. The taste became something you grew familiar to within seconds of smacking your lips against his, and by the way his body gripped you closer to his, you could tell he enjoyed your taste just as well.
Dabi’s mind went empty at the way your tongue moved against his. He couldn’t believe that his pretty little girl could kiss him like this, letting out secret moans into his lips in a way that made sinning sound like a good idea. He also couldn’t believe how fast he got hard, the bulge pressing against his jeans in a way he just couldn’t work with.
You felt it, and your body began to nervously rock back and forth in a way to secretly relieve yourself. Before you started to press your body down harder, Dabi’s free hand slipped up to your hair again and pulled your head back with a tinge of softness. He was out of breath and flustered, and you were sure you looked just as distraught as him.
“Listen,” he panted, his hand letting go slightly of the grip and groaning at the way your lips swelled up in a coat of his own saliva, “if you start something, I won’t able to not finish it. I also won’t go slow.”
The words activated a switch in your head, eyes widening as you stood up from his lap. Before he could question your actions or even grow a bit disappointed at the idea of you not wanting to continue, his eyes nearly jolted out of his skull. Before him stood you, clad in a pair of plain white panties and your shorts thrown on the ground from where you had dropped them. If Dabi wasn’t already obsessed before, he knew he was nothing but smitten now.
You stood quiet and he followed suit as you took your place back into his lap. Without glancing at him, you fiddled with his belt and loosened the grip around his hips.
Dabi really wanted to stop you. He really fucking did. Yet watching you focus on nothing but trying to take his clothes off made him unable to move and speak. It was like he was brainwashed, and he nearly died the minute you sat up to push his pants down.
“I-I-Y/—” “Shh.”
Your fingers covered his mouth as you continued to stare down at his pants in focus. You knew he was trying to stop you, but you wanted to continue. You knew you wanted him to know that you were just as fond of him as he made it seem he was for you.
After struggling to shimmy his pants off his lanky legs with one arm since you were still trying to shut up him, you watched his body lie limp across your couch in nothing but a shirt and black briefs.
It was like heaven in front of your eyes.
You licked your lips, shyly taking a seat on top of him and removing your hand. Your fingers made their way over to his chest. You wanted to take his shirt off and feel the skin to skin contact, but you knew how Dabi was about that stuff. He’d never say it, but you knew he was insecure of the uneven portions of skin there.
He tilted your head up with a finger and brought your wide eyes to his. “What do you want to do, doll? It’s whatever you want.”
The words brought goosebumps up your spine. The way he said it just made you weak, each word slipping off his lips like the air you needed to breathe and you soon found yourself whimpering at the sentence you knew he set up for this exact reaction. You could tell by how smugly he watched you writhe under his words.
You thought about your next sentence carefully. His arm was injured, and you weren’t sure if he was as into this as you were. Sure, making out and dry-humping was cool for a while— but would he be okay with jumping straight into sex? Sure, most people go through an extensive amount of foreplay in order to get the mood going, but you didn’t really want to. His arm was hurt, and all you wanted to do was watch him squirm under you as you made him feel good.
“I want to ride you.” The sudden confidence of your voice made him stammer, eyes watching you as they twitched in excitement. He had never realized how much he’d wanted those words to slip off your pretty lips but he was beyond estatic to hear them he meant for him and only him.
He didn’t respond, only pressing you into his lips with the hand gripping your hair and taking your mouth by surprise. Your tongues moved in sync, and you could feel yourself only growing wetter and wetter from just the way he pounded his lips into yours.
Before you could stop yourself, you moved your fingers to the waistband of his briefs and pushed them back just enough to hear something heavy smack against his stomach. Yes, something heavy.
He gripped your hair again and this time with much more intensity, broke your lips apart and pushed your head away from his. From the quick glance you gave him, you could see his nearly throbbing dick rest against his lean stomach in a way that nearly teased you. His lips were wet and his eyes were clouded with desire.
“I want to watch your face when you sit down on my dick, Y/N.”
The assertiveness made you nod your head obediently. Instantly following his commands, you rested your body onto your knees and pushed your panties to the side. A soft hand gripped his dick, and the way he sucked his breath in at the contact made you smile smugly.
He didn’t realize though, since his eyes were now trained on your dripping heat inch closer towards his dick. He counted in his head, preparing himself to sink into the place he wanted to get into the most.
5. Your hands slowly swirled up and down his dick, pumping gently enough to prepare his body to take you up yet to also evoke a moan from his lips. And Dabi doesn’t moan.
4. Your eyes never left his the minute you had a good enough grip on him, and just that alone made some precum slip through his tip.
3. He thought you looked so pretty getting ready to sit down on his cock. ‘Imagine when she’s actually riding me, fuck.’
2. To prep yourself up a bit more, you lathered you’re wetness with a swipe of your thumb against his tip, the sensation making him suck in an incoherent curse.
1. This was your moment. Usually Dabi wanted to take control, and usually in his fantasies about you, it was you getting drilled into your own bed in a way that had you forgetting how to scream. This was different though. Dabi wanted to see what you were going to do.
Before he could even continue his thoughts, the feeling of a soft, extremely wet, and tight hole covered his penis agonizingly slow. With squinted eyes in pleasure, he watched as your face moved from that smug smile to a look of focus and surprise. Within just the first few inches, you already felt as if your insides were more full than possible.
Growing impatient yourself was something you knew would be a bad idea, but you couldn’t help it. So with that, you let go of all strain in your knees and in your hands and let your body drop fully into his embrace. Just like that, you imagined he was probably in your damn gut at this point.
“You’re so big.” You gasped, the vulgar words coming out of your lips making Dabi groan even more than he already was at the sudden contact.
You took a few more minutes to take him in as your vagina just refused to take all of him in. For a skinny guy like him, the weight he carried down there definitely made up for it and you weren’t complaining.
Before you knew it, you felt the need to continue. With that, you dragged your hands up to Dabi’s face and gripped the sides in yours. His lips met your lips, and you began to grind your body against his in order to control your pace for the time being.
You had to rip your lips off his as your slowly found yourself bouncing against him. The movements were so sudden, Dabi didn’t expect it and found his eyes slamming shut in pleasure as his free-hand gripped your ass cheek roughly.
“Fuck Y/N.” He moaned, making you feel only more determined than before.
His praises (which really only consisted of moans, groans, and the word fuck) egged you on, and before you knew it, you were bouncing your body up and down with such speed and intensity, Dabi couldn’t even say a word.
You were fucking him so good, he couldn’t even speak.
Dabi wasn’t sure if it was the way you slipped your body all the way up to his tip only to slam back down, or if it was the quick and loud moans that left your lips so richly, or if it was the trail of wetness coming down from your lower heaven pooling into his light pubic hairs. Whatever it was though, was causing him to see stars.
As thunder cracked in the background, all you could focus on was the sounds of your thighs and body slapping into Dabi’s in a perfect motion.
“D-Dabi—” you moaned loudly, the words falling off your lips quicker than you could handle, “I-You-You feel so— so fucking good.”
The word good dragged out longer than you liked, your screams being reduced to whimpers due to not wanting anyone else to hear you. Dabi watched you, groans coming out of his lips matching yours in a way that made you grow in intensity.
Your hips moved harder and faster, finally finding your own G-Spot and beginning to see stars in your trail of sight.
“You look- look so fucking pretty— taking my cock like this— baby.” The name only made you yelp, whimpering as your eyebrows furrowed and began to thrash your ass tight vagina in a quick notion of in, out, grind, out, grind, in, and over and over again.
There were many things you did to impress Dabi. Honestly, the way you breathe was something Dabi wanted to praise you with in itself. This, however, was beyond him.
Watching you throw yourself against his dick, eyes crossing and drool slipping across your still swollen lips, ass that he was gripping onto as if it would leave forever clapping against his skin, whimpers and cries coming out of your throat was something that Dabi now believed he wanted to be the only thing he ever saw again.
“Just like that doll, I want to see you cum-see you cum all over me.” He managed to get out, face scrunching as he felt his tip slam into a certain part of your pussy that damn near sent vibrations down his long length. He had never felt pussy this good before, and maybe it was just because he was attracted to you, but whatever it was— was driving him absolutely insane.
You felt your stomach tighten, a trail of curses coming out of both you and Dabi’s mouths in synch. You continued to bounce against him. Somehow, the position you were in where you were now on your feet only allowed you to ride him harder and faster than before. Dabi nearly passed the fuck out.
You, on the other hand, were definitely already gone. Watching his face scrunch up, staples clattering as his hair began to stick to his forehead and his lips rip your name and curses like they were the only words he knew— you couldn’t handle it. With that, the pressure in your stomach grew.
“Do-don’t worry about me baby—” he could feel your hole beginning to tighten up more and more, the sensation feeling as if you were milking his cock from the inside and dragging his cum up involuntarily.
“B-but I wanna cum with you.” You whined out, head thrown back in nothing but pure ecstasy.
He could see your tits bounce harshly against your shirt, yet for some reason, he couldn’t bring it upon himself to burn the stupid material off. For a flashing moment in time, he thought about how your eyes trailed against his covered chest.
“I know b-baby.” You said, snapping him from his stare at your chest and up to your now clearly red face. “I-I ke-kept it on so that we-we both have our shirts on.”
That itself, nearly brought Dabi over the fucking edge. The simple fact that you were so fucking considerate, enough to do some little shit like that drove him insane.
Without blinking, the limp hand once thrown on the couch was now gripping onto your body. You couldn’t say anything though, because his other hand gripped the couch and brought him to an angle to where he began to obliterate you.
With nothing but a gasp being able to come out of your locked jaw, your eyes rolled back at the way his drilled in and out of you in a nearly barbaric manner. His arm gripped around your waist in order to bring himself to more pleasure, and you found yourself bouncing up and down in order to counter him and bring more force into the slams.
“Holy fucking shit.” He yelled, his jaw tightening as he began to whimper.
You were fucking him back, your hands tugging at his raven hair roughly and your lips drooling at the sensation in a way that made you seem to be out of your headspace. Just like that, your stomach tightened up and warned you that you had about a second to let him know you were going to literally cream yourself.
You heard his staples more than usual, yet ignored the small noises in order to focus on the grip pressed against your body.
“Dabi I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum.” You repeated, your voice hoarse and whined out from the way he fucked your brain into overdrive.
All that could be heard were your pleas of pleasure, Dabi’s hips slamming into your hips that slammed into his, the wet sounds of your pussy continuously being filled up to the brim by Dabi, and the couch beginning to squeak at the roughness.
Without catching a breath, Dabi’s hand roughly scratched its way up to your hair and tugged you to face him.
“Cum now.”
The order made your eyes roll back. You weren’t sure just how close you were, but just him commanding you to do it made you finally fall over the edge. The feeling of his dick shooting into you made you topple over onto his chest, cries leaving your lips as you orgasmed harder than you probably ever have before.
The sight you once had disappeared as you saw nothing but stars and darkness. The air once resting in your lungs cleared out, and nothing was able to leave your throat other than Dabi’s name over and over again as if it were your religion.
Dabi followed suit, finally resting underneath you and gasping for air from the orgasm he just came down from. His cock stood in you, still warm and twitching from the stimulation still being given from your tightness.
Nobody said anything, voices too tired, bodies too sticky and stuck together, and minds too empty to even be able to form a sentence. Your legs had given up on you, finally wrapped behind Dabi’s back as you clung onto him for your dear life.
“Baby.” Dabi called out softly, his raspy voice making you snap out of your fucked out trance. You looked at him, eyes barely being able to hold themselves open as your body wobbled against his.
“Let me clean you up, okay?” He softly asked, his hand gently pushing some hair still stuck to your cheeks behind your ears. You bit your lip and defiantly shook your head.
“Can we clean up tomorrow?” You asked shyly, hands rubbing up and down his chest as your voice pleaded for him to listen. “I just want to sleep with you for the rest of the night.”
The minute you looked at him with those wishful eyes and small pout, he found it really fucking hard to say no. He wasn’t really planning on staying, but now he wasn’t sure if he was ready to even think about leaving.
Agreeing with your plea to stay, he twisted his body enough to where he was finally lying down on the couch from one end to the other. He dragged your body with him, adjusting you to where your legs were tangled up and your head taking comfort on his shirt-clad chest.
With the way he just fucked your lights out, and the way he softly spoke to you and rubbed your back, you found it even harder to keep your eyes open. It was no surprise when Dabi somehow managed to turn the singular lamp on that was on the table next to him off only to find you slightly snoring on his chest.
So many times, he warned himself that when the day he got to go inside of your wet, sweet heaven came, he’d stay up and take advantage of being able to look at your fucked out expression some more.
But due to how good you rode his dick, how good you kissed him, and how good you felt weaves into his body, he couldn’t help but close his eyes and fall into the same slumber as you with his hands tightly wrapped around your frame and a small smile playing at his lips.
cue the song overdue by travis scott because this took me like a week to write for some reason 🥴 writers block aint no mf JOKE! Anyways, i hope you guys enjoyed! I did get an anon ask somewhat similar to it though so that kinda got me to finish. So anon, whoever you were that sent that one Dabi anon in about reader being a healer and such, thanks for saving the day 😔👍🏾 anyways YEA please don’t let this flop idk why y’all don’t like Dabi </3 smh no substance! Also this is hella unedited and guess what? Idc. If you see a typo though, please lmk.
don’t forget to like, reblog, comment, and follow me if u a real one
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make-me-imagine · 3 years
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Scenario Prompts: 5/29 A; Tony Stark compliments you all the time because he has a crush on you. 
Requested by: @spuffyfan394​​​​
Pairing: Tony Stark x Gen!Neutral Reader
Triggers: None         Words: 1,966
Everything taglist: @criminaly-supernatural​​, @caswinchester2000​​ Marvel Taglist: @aquariuslavenderhoney​, @trashywritestrash​, @groovyfluxie​, @marvelouslyme96​, @supersourlemon13​, @mochamoff​, @simsiddy​
Notes: It’s kind of a mixture of flirting and compliments. Also; I use the song reference to ‘The Fantasticks’ because in Civil War when you see Tony’s mom in his memory, she is singing a song from it.  Also, I’m having a bit of writers block, so I can’t tell if this is really that good. 
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~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
When you were recruited to join the Avengers you knew it would be both exciting and dangerous, but you had still underestimated how quickly things would get out of hand on the simplest of missions.
“You just had to egg him on didn’t you?!” you yelled as you and Steve ran for cover “We could have easily taken him but noooo, you just had to make him mad.”
“We needed him to reveal his plan, it’s not my fault I had no idea he had a weapon like that!” Steve yelled back just as a huge wave of energy smacked against the back of you, the man firing off the huge sonic weapon he unveiled.
As you grunted in pain, rolling to a stop, Steve grabbed your arm as you stumbled behind a wall, catching your breath and wincing from the pain.
“That didn’t look very fun” you heard a familiar voice through your coms as you looked up, seeing Tony and Rhodey coming in their suits.
“Took you long enough, where had you guys been?” Steve asked.
“Just went out for coffee, you guy’s didn’t want anything did you?” Tony quipped as he and Rhodey began firing at the sonic weapon, successfully stopping it from firing.
As they were doing so, you spotted another man coming out from a nearby building, pointing a weapon at Tony’s back. Quickly reacting, you grabbed Steve’s shield before jumping behind Tony. Tony spun around just as the man fired. He had a smaller sonic weapon that he fired at you. Hitting the shield it launched you back, Tony reached out and grabbed you, supporting you as you held up the shield, that was now reflecting the sonic beam.
Steve, when seeing what happened, quickly reacted by running quickly to the man and taking him out. You let down your arms in relief once he did, your arms feeling heavy from the weight of holding up the shield.
“Nice one newbie” Tony said as his helmet retracted revealing his face and the small present on it.
You sighed as you looked up at him “I’ll take that coffee now.” You joked, making him chuckle.
“Maybe I’ll get you one when we get back.” He said as he placed his hand on your upper back as he turned to Steve who was approaching. Handing back his shield Steve nodded his head at you as Tony spoke “You better be careful Cap, Y/n looked like a natural with that thing, if you’re not careful they’ll steal your job.” He turned as he began to leave “God knows they’d look better in the suit.” he finished with before he began to fly off with Rhodey further into the compound.
You and Steve looked at each other with similar eye rolls before you began to make your way through the compound to find the rest of the men you were after.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
You hummed quietly to yourself as you tapped your leg, reading over the file Fury had given you about a possible harmful organization you’d be checking out. Engrossed in your thoughts and the document you didn’t see Tony come in the room.
He leaned against the counter as he watched you for a moment, listening to the song you were humming to yourself. He felt a wave of nostalgia and melancholy as you continued to hum the tune, beginning to mumble quietly to yourself as you sang the lyrics. 
“For I can see it, shining somewhere. Bright light’s somewhere invite me to compare-”
You cut yourself off as you flipped the page of the document you had as you continued to read. 
“My mother loved that show.” Tony finally said, making your head shoot up as you looked at him surprised. 
“Oh, Tony I didn’t hear you come in- Wait, you’re mother?” 
He nodded as he walked towards you “She used to play the piano and sing songs from it all the time.” His thought went back to the last day he saw her and his father.
You smiled lightly at him “My father used to play the songs when he was working.” You replied making him smile. 
“They had similar taste then.” Tony said before taking the file from your hands, “You’ve got a good voice you know.” 
He said simply making you chuckle “You wouldn’t say that if you actually heard me try.”
Tony smiled at you as he handed the file back “I think I would.” He commented before turning away “We’ll be leaving in a few hours, so read up.” 
You watched as he left the room, wondering why he says the things he does. He switched from flirty to nice so often it gave you whiplash. You smiled to yourself as you shook your head, reading over the files once again. 
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
You sighed to yourself as you looked around the crowded room as people drank and laughed. Tony was holding another party and the Avengers were more or less required to show up, at least for a little while. So you did your duty, dressed up nice and made an appearance. Though you had no real intention of staying all night. 
“Nice outfit.” You heard a voice comment from behind. 
Turning you see Tony, wearing a black silk suit and a smile. “You too” you said in reply as he came and stood right next to you, looking into the crowd of people. 
“I didn’t think this was your kind of thing.” 
You shrugged “It can be, sometimes. Doing it right after a mission that involved being shot at and attacked for four hours straight isn’t exactly ideal though.” 
He cocked his head and smiled “Well, I wouldn’t have held it against you if you didn’t show. But I’m glad you did. I got to see you all dressed up.” He looked at you with a flirty smirk. 
You met his eyes for a minute before smiling “Hmm” you hummed out before turning and walking into the crowd, leaving Tony to watch you with a mild look of confusion. 
You hated that Tony’s flirtatious comments were getting to you. Not because it was annoying you, but because he flirted with everyone, which meant that most likely there wasn’t any genuine feelings behind them. And that was why they irritated you, because you wanted there to be something, anything behind his words. You had developed feelings for the rich playboy superhero, and you hated that his feelings could be one-sided. Part of you told you he did have feelings for you, but you couldn’t assume, you wouldn’t. 
These thoughts drifted to the back of your mind as the night went on, distracted by the other Avengers and visitors you met with throughout the night. 
As you watched small groups of people make their way to the dance floor, as the band began to play slower music, you felt a tap on your shoulder. Looking back, your eyes met those of a man named Thomas. A shield agent you had met a few times. Annoying, rude and thinks to highly of himself. 
You put on a fake smile in greeting as he grinned at you “Y/n, I’m glad I finally got to catch you. I was wondering if you might dance with me.” 
As you opened your mouth to speak, wracking your brain for an excuse, you were cut off as someone appeared by your side, somewhat cutting you off from Thomas. 
“Hey there, sorry to interrupt there Tyler, but I’ve already got dibs on this dance.” Tony said as his hands lightly gripped your arms, pushing you towards the dance-floor. 
“Uh, it’s Thomas sir- I”
“Oh, yeah sorry about that Tommy.” He replied quickly as he pulled you into the crowd. 
As he pulled you closer to him and began leading in the dance you shook your head and chuckled “You’ve already got dibs on this dance?” 
Tony shrugged his head “Oh, what you mean you didn’t know? You’re welcome by the way.” He said with a smile. 
You chuckled lightly as you began dancing smoothly to the music, Tony’s hand rested lightly on your waist “I had a question.”
“Shoot” you replied. 
“Did I offend you earlier. You walked off with an air of ‘shut up Tony’.” He asked while meeting your eyes. 
You smiled lightly, you guess now was a better time than any to talk about it “I can only take so much of your empty flirting Tony. You should save it for the people who beg you for your attention.” You said while glancing at a group of people eyeing the two of you, mostly with indignation.
You saw an unusual emotion pass over Tony’s face before he leaned a little closer to you “Who said it’s empty flirting?”
“Isn’t it?” You asked curiously “You flirt with everyone that has a pulse and a pretty face.” 
He scoffed “Oh come on, that’s keeping up appearances.” He said with mild offense before meeting your eyes “None of the flirting or complements I have said to you are empty.” 
You stared at him for a moment, reading him. “Then why do you do it?”
A small smile crossed his face “Isn’t it obvious by now?” 
“Work with me on this one.” You challenged, wanting him to say it. You needed to hear it. 
Your dance slowed to a near stop as his gaze into your eyes grew in intensity. Leaning forward, he brought his lips close to your ear “I flirt with you because I like you, not platonically, not in a shallow on the surface way that everyone expects of me.” He leaned back, meeting your eyes, his face close to yours “I like you. A hell of a lot more than I’ve ever liked anyone else. And honestly, it scares the shit out of me. Because I’ve never felt this way for anyone, and it’s true, I flirt because it’s what I’m good at. I don’t know how to express myself any other way.”
Your heart began to beat heavier in your chest as he spoke, his eyes and voice telling you it wasn’t a joke and that he was telling the truth. You smiled at him, and saw him relax slightly as you did so. “And here I thought you’d never admit it.” you said quietly. 
A smile broke out on his face as he tightened his grip around you, beginning to dance with you again. “Well, believe it or not, I’m not as confident as everyone thinks I am.” 
“That’s alright, I don’t mind. I like that side of you.” You said with a smile. 
Tony stood still suddenly, bringing you to a stop again as you looked at him curiously. Bringing his hand up be brushed his hand across the side of your face for a moment “I’m glad, you’re one of the few who’s seen it, and one of the few who I’d like to know about it, so maybe-”
“Keep it a secret?” you asked with an air of amusement.
“You understand me so well.” He quipped as he stared back into your eyes, his eyes flicking to your lips, an action you did not miss. “What are you doing tomorrow?” he quickly changed the subject. 
“Nothing, it’s my day off.” 
“Good, go out with me.”
“Where?” 
“Haven’t decided yet but it’ll be fun.” 
“Not another party though right?” 
“No, just the two of us.”
“A date then?” You asked with a smile, which he mirrored. 
“Exactly.” 
“Sounds like a somewhat thought out plan to me, I’ll be there.” 
You shared an amused smile as you continued to dance to the music, completely ignoring your surrounding as you finally aired out your feelings for one another. 
xx
I’m bad a endings lol
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Reaching Out
SEE! SOMETHING OTHER THAN SMUT. Also this one is old and a bit dusty, sooooo warnings are gonna be to the best of my ability. ALSO. THIS IS ANGST AND HAS TRIGGERING THEMES. PLEASE SCROLL PAST IF THE WARNINGS ARE DISTRESSING TO YOU. I wrote this during a really difficult day and was just word vomiting tbh. I am also gonna state that this is a work of fiction and I am in no way a therapist or anything, so if something here bothers you I’m sorry this is just something I wrote mostly for myself.
Warnings: god this is painful but here we go. Reader is depressed and has anxiety, mentions of self-inflicted injuries (she punches a mirror...repeatedly-), blood, panic attacks, it takes a few of the members to restrain the reader so if you’re uncomfortable with that please don’t read this, this is honestly just a hard read imo so please read with care. Also, the reader hates herself and just doesn’t really think highly of herself at all sooooo yeah-
It was the fourth time this month. The fourth argument that could’ve and should’ve ended differently.
You’d come out of your room to find San off at practice or on some work related schedule, spend the entire day outside trying to break a horrible cycle in your mind, just to disappear again once he returned home. It was frustrating you both and causing a serious strain in your relationship.
On San’s side, he couldn’t understand why it was that you would fight against him trying to get you to come out of your room when you spent the entire day alone. Then there was his frustration when you would complain about never seeing him and yet would disappear and avoid him when he was available. To San, it didn’t make any sense. All he wanted to do was spend time with you and support you, but it seemed as though you were determined to shut him out. He watches you storm off to your bedroom, running a hand through his hair as he tries to recall the last time he’d come back from a schedule and had a nice quiet evening that didn’t end in you both screaming at each other. When he can’t, San grabs his jacket and walks out of the apartment with his phone and keys, planning on spending the night at the dorms so that you can have some space to cool off. Once he gets in his car, he quickly dials Hongjoong’s number, pulling out of the parking garage of your complex and letting out all of his frustrations and concerns. 
As he drove, San had no way of knowing how much you hated yourself for what was happening between you both.
What San didn’t know was that your depression and anxiety had been spiraling lately due to the pressure that had been placed on your shoulders from not only your work but from being the girlfriend of an idol that had become so famous. He didn’t know that every day you were terrified that, now that his future was so bright and secure, he’d no longer want you. That he’d leave you just like so many before had done, and that he’d realize you were no longer something of use to him. And finally, how you criticize every minute of your life, finding ways that you are failing even when you’ve done nothing but your best. It came to the point that waking up from dreams was physically painful, because you could control a dream and guarantee the people you love never turned their backs on you. San didn’t, or rather, couldn’t know this. Because to know this would mean you would have to tell him. And no one should have to bear this burden but you, and there was always that small part of you that was terrified of having your feelings invalidated. 
Your whole life people have toyed with you, accepting your depression only when it was convenient to them and berating you once the curtains fall. Some even went as far as to weaponize your emotions, tearing you down in an argument with something that was the equivalent to the beating heart in your chest. Yes they would apologize and you would eventually forgive them because people make mistakes. But the thing about words is that once they leave someone’s mouth, the damage is already done and there’s no amount of remorse or forgiveness that can repair it. That’s where you are now.
You slam the door shut, leaving all the lights in your room turned off, your head pounding after the screaming match you and San had just finished (rather, you ran out on and barricaded the door so he wouldn’t see you cry) and your face stained with tears. Not a sound left you as you curled up on the bed, biting your fist as a punishment for your body's betrayal of emotions. All it would take was one minute of silence and the entire apartment would be able to hear how you were feeling. In all honesty, you didn’t want San to see you cry. Because in your mind, you didn’t deserve to cry. You were the one who picked a fight. You're the one who made unfair accusations, using his career and passions as weapons against him. You were the one that hurt him in the same ways that had been done to you, falsely claiming that it was to “beat him to it and strike first.” 
The front door slams shut, and you work quickly. You unbarricade the door and peek out, making sure no one is there. Dashing across the living space, you reach the spare bedroom and lock the door, not seeing the need for such extreme measures as earlier. You then sit with your back to the door, listening for the sign of San’s safe return from the store. Your butt has just about gone numb when this occurs, the front door shutting softly alerting you instantly. You rise from your position, albeit a little slowly due to your cramped muscles, and shuffle to the bed. A knock sounds, and a decision has to be made.
“Y/N? I know you’re awake. Can you come to bed? You and I both know that neither of us can sleep alone anymore.” San mumbles through the door. You hear shuffling, and you hold your breath thinking he might unlock the door. You’re not sure though, whether you’re holding your breath in hope or fear. But all you hear is a thud, indicating San sitting down. “Look, we don’t have to talk. You don’t even need to look at me, it just feels better for both of us if I’m holding you through the night, because at the end of the day, we still love each other, right?” 
San’s cheeks are marked with tear streaks, eyes red and puffy as he waits for any sign of confirmation from you. He loves you more than anything else, so much so that he’d give up everything for you, and needed to hear that you still loved him as well. He holds his breath, hands covering his face while he waits for you to show him a sign that you’re even listening. That you’re even there. 
You tip-toe over to the door, gently crouching down in front of it and rest your fingertips lightly on the wood, near where his shoulder is supposed to be. It’s cold and unyielding, but this is the bravest you’ll ever be. You hear a sigh on the other side, almost as if he can sense your presence.
“You know, you don’t have to keep it all in. From the first moment I saw you, I knew that there was so much going on in your life that it’d take time to get you to trust me. And I still want that. I want to know what’s going on in your life again. I want to hold you as you're crying again. And I want to repay you for all the times you’ve helped me.” San whispers, his voice showing how much of a toll this has taken on him. “I know a lot has changed, I travel a lot, and it’s harder for us to go anywhere without me being recognized. But I promise you that my feelings for you, the amount of love I feel for you, it’s all still there. If anything, I love you even more now than before. I don’t want to lose you Y/N. I want to keep fighting for us and I just need you to reach out to me, show me you want this too. Open the door, even if it’s just a crack, and let me help heal those open wounds. Yes there will be scars and yes it will take time, but I’m willing to wait.”
At this point you have tears streaming down your face as you withdraw your hand. You don’t move though, despite your broken mind willing you to do so, you stay rooted in your spot. Sniffles break through the other side, showing how much San is hurting. You feel as though there’s a war going on inside of you, your heart begging you to open the door and stop this madness, but your mind resolute on keeping this wall up. 
“I. Can’t.” you croak out, bringing your trembling hand to your lips and nibbling your thumbnail as you rise slowly. “They were right, I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you.”
“What? Who told you that?” San questions, confusion swirling in his head as he struggles to better understand where this was coming from. Standing, San presses his hands to the door, trying to open it only to find it locked. “Love, talk to me.”
“All I’ve been doing is hurting you, and I’m sorry. ” You whimper, your mind screaming at you to shut-up and not give away anything while your heart, your very being, is begging to be set free and allow him back in. “I, I love you, San.” And with that you rise, walking towards the bathroom attached to the room. You close the door, locking it and turning to the mirror to see your disheveled state. Tears stain your cheeks, your eyes have bags under them, and your hair is greasy and a mess from the lack of effort on your part to take care of yourself. 
Thoughts swirl and distort your reflection, harsh words clouding your mind. Some of the words surface from your past, some are from deep within you stemming from your lack of forgiveness for yourself. You don’t deserve forgiveness or a second chance. You don’t deserve him caring for you. You’re toxic. You do nothing but hurt him. Toxic. Toxic. 
You start screaming, starting in your gut and ripping out through your mouth, scaring the shit out of San who begins pounding on the door. You hear him calling out to you, but it’s muffled in your head as you continue to sob and scream at your reflection, running your hands through your hair before tugging on it out of frustration. The longer you look at yourself, the worse the feeling in your gut gets as the harsh words continue to tear you apart, worsening with each passing moment. With one last scream you pull your arm back and punch the mirror, desperate to feel something other than the all consuming self-hatred. And it works.
There’s a crack on the mirror with droplets of blood in the center. You bring your trembling hand into view, noticing your knuckles slightly bloodied and cut. The pain replaces all of the noise in your head, if only for a moment, and you become entranced by it. Raising your fist again, you punch the mirror once, twice, three more times before stopping to look at your handy work. The crack has grown and your hand is bleeding steadily, a couple of pieces of glass stuck in your knuckles. You’re ashamed of what and who you’ve become and raise your fist again when the door breaks down.
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!” San shouts, restraining your flailing and screaming form as tears stream down your face. Four pairs of hands are pulling you out of the bathroom, with San’s arms wrapped tightly around your waist as he pulls you on the bed. He immediately starts shushing you, whispering into your hair as he wraps his legs around you as well, restricting you so the others can clean you up and call an ambulance if need be. At this point though, he doesn’t need to as you’ve gone completely limp, sobbing into his neck loudly as the emotions you’ve kept hidden flood out in a wave that swallows you whole. “Shh baby, it’s okay. We’re here now and we’re not leaving you. I’ve got you, we’ve got you. It’s okay, it’s okay.” His voice is trembling, absolutely terrified by what he’s just experienced. It’s lucky that Hongjoong, Yunho, and Seonghwa arrived when they did or he might have been too late, having planned on coming to help San piece back together your relationship. It took Yunho and Seonghwa to break down the doors, and all four of them carried you out of the bathroom so you wouldn’t hurt yourself or them.
Soon, you run out of energy and are left whimpering and quivering in San’s hold, slowly coming to your senses as you hear running water, hushed murmurs, and the cabinet mirror (or what’s left of it) being opened in search of something. When the realization sets in that San, Hongjoong, Seonghwa, and Yunho have seen you at your worst, your chest tightens and your breathing becomes irregular which are the first signs of a panic attack. Something San was familiar with but hadn’t seen happen in some time.
“No no no no.” San repeats, noticing the changes in your behavior and looking towards the bathroom. “Hongjoong! It’s getting worse!”
Immediately, footsteps can be heard heading in your direction, and a gentle face appears in the corner of your eye. Hongjoong slowly reaches forward, grasping the hand that had begun curling in on itself to the point of almost drawing blood and pulling it away from your chest.
“Sweetie, grab my hand and squeeze that instead. You won’t hurt me, I swear.” Hongjoong whispers, slowly working his nimble fingers between your clenched ones. It comes as a surprise to him when, instead of resisting, your hand flies open into a rigid position. “Shh… it’s okay sweet-heart. How about this. Follow this.”
Your hand is placed on a firm and warm chest, a slight bump hitting your palm and drawing your attention to the pattern. It’s his heartbeat. Hongjoong’s pulse creates a rhythm in your head, distracting you from your fears and disdain towards yourself momentarily while Seonghwa and Yunho both return to the room, one holding medical supplies and the other holding a bowl with warm water and a towel. Crouching in front of you, Seonghwa notices the hand on Hongjoong’s chest is the one that’s injured, glancing at San who is fighting back tears as he strokes your hair.
“Y/n-ah. We have to clean your hand. Put your hand on San’s chest, follow his heartbeat.” Seonghwa says in a firm yet kind tone. At this point, you’ve lost almost all self-awareness, too exhausted to fight anyone as you nod partially, removing your hand from Hongjoong’s chest to place on San’s. “No sweetie. The other hand.” Seonghwa instructs, a heartbroken smile crossing his face at the sight of you behaving like a toddler who skipped their nap. You look confused, bringing your hand to your face to inspect it, finding the streaks of blood and bits of glass as a few tears trickle down your face. 
You’re not sure how long it takes for Seonghwa to properly clean your hands, or when you got changed into one of San’s shirts that fits like a dress, but as you’re lied down on the bed with San, who’s watching you intently to make sure any slight changes on your face are caught immediately, you find yourself in an almost numbed mind-frame. Too exhausted and confused to comprehend anything around you. 
Your eyes slowly close, the occasional tear slipping out only to be swiped gently away by San. San, the last thing you see before you fall into a dreamless sleep. And you are blissfully unaware of what’s to come in the morning.
As you snore softly in San’s grasp, your chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm, Yunho leaves the room to clean up the mess that has been left behind with Seonghwa following closely behind, most likely to comfort the younger boy. Hongjoong reaches forward to brush hair out your eyes and slowly strokes your cheek. Who knew such a small body could take this much pain? he wonders to himself, not even beginning to understand what caused you to struggle so much and break down so devastatingly. And that’s the only way to describe your attack. Devastating.
Like a tsunami, you receded from social outings and even your true love San, and once they realized what was happening and why you’d “changed” the wave had already hit. But his main question was voiced by San.
“Hyung.” San rasps out, looking up at Hongjoong with tears streaming down his face. “Why-or how did this happen? What caused this? What are we-what am I supposed to do?” 
San’s breathing becomes labored, almost as if the weight of the situation has sat fully on his chest. He chokes on a sob, looking at you in your angelic state while pressing a gentle and wet kiss to the top of your head while crying. He clutches you to his chest, rocking slightly and burying his face in your head. Hongjoong panics, thinking he’ll wake you but settles once realizing how exhausted you must be. “Why would she keep this from me?”
“San-ah, I honestly don’t have the answer to that.” Hongjoong mumbles, holding his own tears back with a few deep breaths before looking at the pair of you. He honestly considered Ateez his family, and you became his little sister that he felt he needed to protect from the world. If only he’d realized sooner how much damage the world had already done to you. “But I do know one thing. Now more than ever, she needs us.”
San looks at his hyung and leader, absolutely wrecked from the storm of emotions that flowed between you two. “How?” he croaks out.
“I’m not sure. But what I do know is that the storm hasn’t gone and that this is only the beginning of our journey.” Hongjoong places a hand on your cheek and his other on San’s hand, squeezing slightly in hopes of reassuring the younger boy. “I see how much you need her San. And how much she needs you. She’s scared San. More so than any of us right now. Which is why we have to stay with her no matter what. No matter what she might say or do to scare us off, we have to fight through it all and show her we are here for her. Because if we don’t.” Hongjoong’s voice cracks, revealing his true emotions and the toll this whole ordeal has taken on him. “We might lose her forever.”
San sits quietly, shaking slightly from the silent tears that are being shed and pulling you closer to his chest if that was even possible, crying himself into a slumber much like you did moments prior. Hongjoong rises, tucking both of you in like he would an upset child, and walking into the bathroom. The scene that awaits him is what finally breaks his own dam of tears, collapsing next to Seonghwa and Yunho who are both crouched down. They’ve hunched over, scrubbing the white tiles of your blood and throwing glass shards away in a paper bag. Upon noticing Hongjoong, Yunho drops what’s in his hands, embracing his leader and best friend. His tears fall as well, the sight of someone as strong as Hongjoong breaking down terrifying him. 
Seonghwa wipes the few stray tears before rising, quickly finishing the task of cleaning before ushering the two broken boys out of the room. He sits Hongjoon and Yunho down, pulling out a paper and pen and titling it “Y/n’s Healing.”
“We’ll make a plan, and take this journey one step at a time. Until Y/n’s finally healed.” Seonghwa states, immediately writing steps and plans he’s already come up with in his head. And so the journey begins.
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anxious2dsimp · 3 years
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Hi! I wanna request a drabble of Mattsun having a crush on the Seijoh VBC manager so he teases her about Oikawa bc he's insecure. Then he gets mixed signals because y/n gets blushy when he teases her so he thinks she likes the captain when in reality its because she likes him back! He confesses by the end bc I need a happy ending rn :') Oh, and female, she/her reader please :D
Omg hi anon, this is such a cute idea!! Thank you for the request, I kinda got carried away but I hope you like it regardless <33
Missed Signals | Matsukawa x F!Reader | Drabble
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‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾。・:*:・゚★。*✧・゚:˚۰˚☽˚。・:
Flavor: Fluff ☁️
Reader: Female (she/her)
Format: Drabble!
Word Count: 975 words
Warnings: Mattsun says sh!t once, so... cursing?
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾。・:*:・゚★。*✧・゚:˚۰˚☽˚。・:
Mattsun just blinked, mouth slightly ajar as he processed what Hanamaki had just said; "well maybe the reason (Y/N) gets flustered isn't because of who she is being teased about but rather who is teasing her." The strawberry blonde boy sat by him on one of the benches outside the school, a knowing grin reflecting his pride in giving such great advice. Did he know something he didn't about (Y/N)'s feelings? Could he be implying what Mattsun so desperately wanted to believe? "I gotta catch up to her," the dark-haired middle blocker blurted out in a hurry as he slung his gym bag over his shoulder and begun racing in the direction of your house, picking up the pace before he got too behind considering you had left 10 minutes earlier. His heart hammering in his chest and breaths shallow, he thought back to the countless conversations where he'd teased you about the popular, pretty, captain of the team, Oikawa, suddenly seeing the interactions in a different light:
"What are we staring at?" Mattsun said from behind you, startling you when his hand rested on one of your shoulders as his face appeared right beside yours over the other one. You two were good friends, so the proximity wasn't anything new, but your feelings had been making it nearly impossible to be as casual as you were with the other third years. "Geez Mattsun, a warning!" you said as you spun around to face him and put some distance between you, praying the heat rising to your face wasn't visible as a smile spread across your face. "For what, my stunningly handsome looks?" He joked and tilted his head, making you scoff in an attempt to hide that's the way you truly felt. "Seriously, your little crush is showing and it's adorable," he cooed solely to annoy you, a teasing glint in his eye as he leaned down to your eye level. "How many times do I have to tell you? I do NOT have a crush on Toru," you said, narrowing your eyes at the boy, a familiar ache in your chest resurfacing as you thought his common suggestion only meant you were deep in the friendzone. "Says the girl who hasn't been able to pry her eyes off of Mr. Perfect in the last ten minutes and is red as a tomato when called out," he argued. "First of all, he asked me to keep stats of his serves so that's why I've been watching," you explained as you showed him your clipboard with notes on the captain's accuracy before continuing, "and second, you just caught me off guard, that's all!"
Little did he know that you had gladly accepted Oikawa's request because it forced you to stop stealing glances at Mattsun before you got caught. And while he was oblivious of that, you had no idea the reason he kept pestering you about Oikawa is that he wanted a sign that you could like him instead, hence why he noticed you staring at the captain in the first place. 
Until today, you had both been oblivious about each other's missed signals, but Matsukawa was going to end that right now.
"(Y/N)!!"
Your name yelled by a familiar voice made you stop and turn around to spot Matsukawa running your way. He slowed down to a jog as he approached you, swallowing thickly as his chest heaved up and down, uniform disheveled from running, and eyes filled with an indecipherable emotion that was new to you. "Issei, is everything ok?" There was concern in your voice as you stepped closer to him, placing your hand securely on his shoulder. "No," he immediately replied, you could tell he was trying his best to control his breathing. "Well, what's wrong?" you said with a slight, nervous smile; it probably wasn't the time to be smiling, but it was hard not to whenever you saw him. He took a deep breath, taking your hand from his shoulder and intertwining it with his large one in front of you. "I'm sorry I've been such a little shit about Oikawa, I should've dropped it when you told me to," he said seriously, catching you off guard. "It's ok, I don't take it to heart," you comforted him, trying to ignore your loud heartbeat; was that all? He squeezed your hand and shook his head. "No, I'm sorry because it was deceiving of how I really felt, when all along the one thing I just couldn't bring myself to say is," he stopped, closing his eyes as if he braced for impact and taking in a deep breath, "(Y/N), I like you." You stood there, frozen in shock as you processed the words that had just left Mattsun's lips. "I was just scared, ok? I guess you being close with all of us I thought you'd probably end up liking him so I teased you to try and reassure myself that I maybe had a shot. I'm an idiot."
At that moment, the adrenaline took over as you chuckled, tugging at his hand to bring him closer, causing him to stumble forward as you took the opportunity to crash your lips into his, your free hand coming up to cup his face. When he finally got over the initial shock you felt him smile into the kiss, his arm snaking around your waist as he pulled you closer. "Maybe you are, but fortunately I happen to like idiots," you teased, now equally out of breath as him, once you two finally broke apart for air. "So that means... Would you like to go on a date with me?" You simply nodded, smiling impossibly wide, as you stared up at Mattsun and the wobbly, genuine smile that adorned his face. Looks like you had missed some signals after all.
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾。・:*:・゚★。*✧・゚:˚۰˚☽˚。・:
Click here to request something <33
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ijustwant2write · 4 years
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Watch Your Words-Arthur Shelby x Shelby!Daughter!Reader
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(GIF credit to @paulinska44stark)
Tags: @captivatedbycillianmurphy @jenepleurepasbaby @amirahiddleston @bloodorangemoonlight @haphazardhufflepuff @mzcrazy2
Masterlist
Prompt List
Requested by anonymous: 'can you do a arthur shelby one where the reader is his daughter (16-17) and they get into argument and he says something he doesn't mean and she runs off and everyone starts to get worried when they cant find her but she with bonnie or Isaiah and Arthur finds her and they talk and he apologizes and they make up'
Characters: Arthur Shelby x Shelby!Daughter!Reader, Isaiah Jesus x Reader
Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name
Warnings: Alcohol abuse/drunkenness, neglect, swearing, crying, fluff
                                       *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I moaned as I stirred that morning, hating how little sleep I had got. My father had been out once again, stumbling in at who knows what time, not keeping quiet and sounding like he was having a fight with himself downstairs. It wasn't unusual for him to drink this much, he used to do it a lot more, and I thought it had stopped for a while; the company was doing well, there hadn't been as much trouble recently, my father had been more present in my life. However, I watched it all crumble before me, returning to nights by myself, cooking for one, not having anyone to talk to.
Before heading downstairs, I peeked into my dad's room, wondering if he had made it upstairs. I was wrong, hoping that he was sprawled out on the sofa. Again, I made the mistake of thinking he wasn't that drunk, finding him lying down on the kitchen floor, two of the chairs from the dining table knocked over, as well as smashed glass surrounding it.
Sighing, I brushed some pieces of glass away from his head, hoping he would want to head to bed as soon as he woke up. Dad was on his back, head tilted to the right as he lightly snored. His coat had been in the hallway, along with his hat, but he had failed to take his jacket off, it was half way down his arms.
"Dad," I quietly said, shaking him lightly,"dad!"
He jolted awake, taking in a sharp breath, trying to figure out where he was. When he saw me, he groaned, wiping a hand over his face. Helping him sit up, I prayed that he wouldn't be sick (I had dealt with that situation too many times), not saying anything yet as I didn't know what mood he was in.
"Fucking hell." his voice was raspy, still rough from the night before."Did I wake you up?"
"Last night you did. But it doesn't matter."
"Sorry love."
"It's alright." I lied, managing to sit him down in a chair."Do you think you can stomach something?"
"Nah."
I didn't press further, grabbing a broom and sweeping up the glass into a pile. He said nothing more. As I got rid of the glass, making sure there were no more pieces we could step on, I noticed his fist on the table clenching up.
"Dad? You OK?"
"Just thinking about last night." he mumbled.
"Anything you want to talk about?"
"Don't worry. It's not for your ears. Go on, go get dressed."
I did as he said, knowing he was particularly sensitive at this moment. It was quiet downstairs when I was getting ready, a blessing and a curse. He could be sat down gathering his senses, trying to sober up, or he could be working himself into a frenzy. It had happened before, and I was scared it could happen again. I loved my father, he had raised me well, considering that we were Shelby's. Though I supposed I had Aunt Polly and Aunt Ada to thank for that, not him. He had always tried to be around when I was younger, wanting his child to know her dad. But as I got older, when I could become more independent, that's when he realised he could have a bit more freedom, especially since the woman (my mother) he fucked wanted nothing to do with him, just to look after the child they created.
I returned to him once I was ready for the day, slowly stepping into the kitchen. My heart sunk at the sight of whiskey in his hands once again. How could someone drink so much and continue? I had been drunk before, and I didn't enjoy the headache the next day.
"Dad, did something happen last night?" I hesitantly asked, slowly walking towards him.
He scoffed."Some people don't understand what respect means. I'm Arthur fucking Shelby, I don't think twice about killing a man."
I hated when he spoke of killing. It was something I always pushed to the back of my mind.
"You would not believe what this woman said to me last night. She...she said...how the fuck did I end up with a daughter like you? How could my daughter, who apparently has the heart in an angel, look me in the face everyday and smile? Hm? Well go on then, answer her question!"
"Dad, she was just trying to win you up."
He took a swig of his drink, clumsily leaning back in his seat."No, no, she meant that! And I want to know too. Since you're so perfect, what are you doing in the Shelby family?"
I backed away, now pressed up against the wall opposite him."You're not making sense. Look, I'll cook us something to eat, it'll help with your headache."
"The only headache round here is you."
"What?"
"Don't know why your whore mother left you on my doorstep. I'm a killer, how would I know how to raise a child?"
"Just shut up dad, you're wasting your energy over this."
He shot up from his chair, causing it to hit the cabinets behind him."Don't you tell me what to do!" 
I flinched back, hitting my back and head on the wall. He had never hurt me, but there was a different rage in his eyes, and I was scared that this was the look his victims saw before he killed them. 
“When I fucked her, I was drunk, done a few lines, eh? I didn’t even know her name, but it didn’t matter. She might have been a prostitute, she might have been a woman at the club. But it didn’t matter.”
“Dad,” I sobbed, wondering if I should just run,“please stop talking like this.”
“I’ve slept with hundreds of women, never had a baby turn up though. But of course, just when things were going good for me, I got stuck with you. I had to spend money on you, feed you, dress you, shit, I had to make sure I knew what the fuck I was doing and be there for you. My fucking life went out of the window.”
I didn’t need to hear any more of this. Taking my chances, I darted towards the hallway, throwing open the door and running into the street. People on their way to work (or coming back from a long night out) watched as I sprinted past them, tears streaming down my face, despite the wind repeatedly drying them. I had heard my dad call for me, and I was sure he had fallen down trying to come after me. Stumbling into Charlie’s yard as I slowed down, I sighed with relief when I saw that no one was there. It seemed stupid to come here, when it was my family that owned it (and they were the people I wanted to be away from), but it was also somewhere I felt safe. Sniffling, I used one of my dress sleeves to wipe away the tears, now idly walking around the place. It was so dirty here, gloomy and dark; it reflected the mood at the moment.
Sitting down on a chair, that was terribly out of place, outside the stables, I leaned back, hating how the cold air hurt my lungs from running. My throat was recovering from being dry, but now there was a metallic taste in my saliva. It wasn’t lady-like to sit like this, but who gave a fuck? Coughing before spitting on the floor, I sunk deeper into the chair, legs spreading out to make it comfier.
“What’s little Miss Shelby doing all the way out here by herself?” I heard Isaiah call. However, the cocky smirk he held disappeared when he saw my teary face.“Shit, what’s happened?”
“My dad.” I sobbed, sitting up properly when he knelt in front of me.“He’s just drunk and...he said some things.”
“What things?”
“I don’t want to get you in trouble, Is.”
“Don’t worry about me.” Isaiah held on of my hands that was resting on my lap.“You’ve never been this upset before, he’s clearly said something that’s hurt you.”
“I’m tired of his habits Isaiah, he’s gone back to his old ways. I hate it! I don’t understand how he can go out almost every night and drink to that extent. He’s broken things in the house, he’s been sick, he’s fallen down the stairs, and yet it continues! And today, he said hurtful words to me. Told me how I was just the child of a whore, I was unwanted, he was basically saying he regrets taking me in when he could have easily given me to an orphanage!”
“Hey, calm down.” Isaiah kept his voice quiet.“He’s drunk, you know that. And that means he doesn’t mean those things.”
“They say that drunk words are your true thoughts.” I snapped.
“(Y/N), please listen to me.”
Reluctantly, I looked down at him, trying not to smile at the image of our hands interlocked.
“Your dad loves you far too much for his own good. He’s only ever loved his family, as in his brothers, sister and aunt, and that was just the normal. You were different. Yes, you weren’t planned, meaning he hadn’t prepared himself to welcome yet another person in his life.And he had to throw himself into parenthood, had to realise he was looking after a child. It was like going cold turkey for him. Now I’m not excusing his words or actions from earlier, he shouldn’t have ever said such things to you. But he worries, he worries because he loves you so much that he doesn’t even understand it himself.”
“I know that deep down...it just hurt. And I’m scared that he’s going to keep doing this to himself.”
He sighed, standing up, tugging on my hand.“Let’s go. We don’t need to be in this sad place.”
I slightly smiled, still holding his hand as I stood. However, he let go, taking off his coat and putting it on me. Luckily I was just tall enough for it to not drag on the floor, otherwise I would have dragged it through mud. He made his usual cheeky remark about it ‘looking better on me’, causing me to roll my eyes but laugh all the same. He distracted me as we walked, trying to steer the topic away from family matters.
"Isaiah, do you want kids?" I randomly asked.
He chuckled."Was that an offer?"
I shoved him away from me, causing us to laugh."You know what I meant you prick."
"Yeah, I do. It's still early days for me, especially since I'm doing a lot more for the boss and all that. But once I find my girl, I'll want to have my own family."
"That's very sweet of you Is. I can see you being a father, and a good one at that. Once you grow up a bit that is."
"You're wanting a mature man then, eh (Y/N)?"
"Yeah, do you know of anybody?"
He pretended to think."Nah."
The dreadful feeling that had been stuck in the pit of my stomach was almost gone, until I saw my dad running around the streets, obviously looking for me. Poor people in the street were bombarded by questions, he was terrifying to them. When he saw Isaiah and me, he was relieved, taking long strides towards us. He didn't look angry anymore, but I was still wary, hoping Isaiah would stay beside me.
"(Y/N), (Y/N) love, I've been looking everywhere for you!" he exasperated, trying to catch his breath.
"She was down by Charlie's yard." Isaiah explained.
"Why didn't you find me straight away?"
I butted in before he got angry with Isaiah."I was upset, Isaiah cheered me up. I wouldnt have come back anyway."
"I'm sorry (Y/N). I really didn't mean anything that I said this morning. It was the alcohol, I swear!"
"You'll use this excuse for the next time too."
"There won't be a next time, I promise!"
"Dad, do you know how much you upset me today? You basically told me you didn't want me, you called my mother a whore. There were so many random things that came out of nowhere, and it was purely to hurt me because you were hurting."
"I know. A woman in the bat last night reminded me of how your mother was, or at least I think she did. She made the same comments, saying that I didn't deserve to have such a lovely, good hearted girl as a daughter."
"No, sometimes you don't. But you're lucky that I love up to that title, because I love you too much to let this get in the way of our relationship."
"I'm going to stop, I won't do that again!"
"You're not going to drink again?"
He hesitated."I...I mean-"
"Dad, I was joking. I'm not expecting you to quit drinking altogether, just don't drink as much. And not just because you say mean things, because you've hurt yourself in the past. And there's so many people who are after you."
"Alright love, I'll hold back. For you. Am I forgiven?"
"For now." I hugged him, still upset, but knowing that we had to move past this in order for him to get better."I'm going to stay with Isaiah today though. I feel like we should spend some time apart, for the rest of the day at least."
"Why with Isaiah?"
"Because he's my friend, and he's helped me take my mind off things. I'll see you later dad." I kissed his cheek before grabbing Isaiah's hand again, dragging him away.
"You know you're dad is going to kill me right?" Isaiah said once we were out of earshot.
"He won't. Not if he wants me coming back for dinner tonight."
"I'm going to lose you that soon?"
"You would be so lucky Isaiah."
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nichuuu · 2 years
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Kyoto Protocol (Part 1)(LSM LOST FILES)
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"Everything packed Momo?" Sana asked as I wheeled my luggage out.
“Yup! I should have everything I need,” I replied.
“Ya… What do you mean ‘should have’? You must be certain that you have all your things!” Jihyo scolded. I giggled.
“Mianhae, Eomma… I do have all the things I need,” I corrected myself. Jihyo smiled.
“That’s better,” she said.
Minsoo appeared in the foyer.
“Ready to go, girls?” he asked, walking up next to his girlfriend.
“Ready!” all three of us exclaimed in unison.
It was the first morning of the new year, and I was flying back to Kyoto to go see my family. In reality, I was literally only seeing my family for a day before spending the rest of my time there alone. I needed some time to reflect on my emotions and actions, especially after that incident in SM Headquarters a few days ago.
“Alright, let’s get to the van!” Minsoo said.
He helped to take my other luggage as Jihyo grabbed his arm. He put on his shoes and walked out of the Twice apartment. All the other girls were already away with their families or loved ones. Dahyun left earlier today to go visit her family in Seongnam, Chaeyoung went back to her home in Jamsil with Yori, and Jeongyeon left the earliest with the first bus today to Suwon to rest and recuperate with her family there.
The rest of them… Mina spent last night at home with Ansel, and most likely she was getting fucked by Ansel to kingdom come. Shit. Would she be able to walk after this week? Tzuyu–and much to my disappointment–Nayeon were at the hospital, looking after Nam Chuyoung.
That left Sana, Jihyo, and Minsoo to send me to the airport. Sana was already busy with her IPG stuff when I woke up today, considering that bombshell article about Yeoni and Irene’s affair published by Dispatch in the morning. I told her to just go meet with her IPG guys to take care of this problem, but she insisted on sending me to the airport together with Jihyo and Minsoo, and eventually I relented.
We piled into the TWD van as Minsoo started it up, making the engine roar to life. He pulled out of our car park and exited the complex, driving us to Incheon International Airport. I looked out the window as we drove through the quiet new year’s morning traffic and let my mind wander. I guessed we needed some time apart from each other after the whole contract situation last year. At least we had all signed our contract extension with JYPE. That settled it.
“Excited to see Otosan and Okaasan again?” Sana asked in Japanese.
“Very. It’s been way too long since I last saw them,” I replied in my mother tongue.
“It’s been almost 3 years, right?” Jihyo asked in Japanese as well. I nodded.
“Hai. Jeez… I think they’ll be excited,” I replied, smiling.
“G–Girls… I–Is it okay if you guys… Don’t speak Japanese when I’m around?” Minsoo suddenly said sheepishly.
I looked at him and smirked.
“Why not? Afraid that we’re talking shit about you?” I asked him challengingly.
“Or are you scared that Jihyo’s talking about just how good you are in bed~?” Sana teased.
“Ya! Sana-unnie!” Jihyo scolded her, her face going full red.
“I–I… U–Um…” Minsoo stammered, struggling to formulate an answer.
Sana and I giggled.
“Relax, Manager-nim… We’re just joking!” Sana said, grinning wide.
“But… Jihyo does say…”
“Shut up, Momoring!” Jihyo exclaimed, going even redder.
I giggled and stared back out the window, watching the fleet of cars passing us in a blur as we entered the freeway. A few minutes passed in silence, before I turned back to my friends in the car.
“What are you guys gonna do this week?” I asked them.
“I… Gotta take care of this bullshit article Dispatch published…” sighed Sana, busy typing stuff in her phone, “But… Beyond that, I think I’ll do most of the moving to my new apartment with Jeongie.”
“What about you two?” I asked the couple at the front.
“We’re still looking for an apartment,” Jihyo sighed.
“Didn’t you guys look for one after Sana’s birthday?” I asked. Minsoo sighed.
“Y–Yeah… We liked this one apartment in Mapo-gu…” he started.
“But the salesperson was… Ah, nevermind,” she decided against telling me.
Minsoo chuckled and took a hand off the steering wheel, squeezing Jihyo’s hand.
“Don’t worry, Jihyo. I know we’ll find a place soon,” he smiled. Jihyo smiled and nodded cutely.
Shit. What a way to make me feel lonely. Sure, I was still in an on again-off again relationship with Heechul-Oppa, but I felt like that love between us had died when we first ‘broke up’ back in July 2021.
Come to think of it, I was the only Twice member who was single. Jihyo got Minsoo, Mina was with Ansel, Chaeyoung with Yori. I knew Nayeon and Tzuyu still shared some feelings for each other, even though Tzuyu was head over heels for Chuyoung now. Dahyun was practically Jeongyeon and Sana’s faithful eternal third wheel. Speaking of that sweet couple, I won’t be surprised if Jeongyeon proposed to Sana soon. They were destined to be together.
I suddenly felt Sana’s hand squeezing mine, pulling me out of my thoughts. I looked at her, and found her smiling that cute smile of hers.
“You’ll find one for you soon, Momoring,” she whispered. I felt my face blushing, but I nodded.
“Thanks, Sha…” I replied with a small smile.
Sana smiled wider and nodded, and I chuckled. Above all her clumsiness and flirtiness, Sana was one of the kindest people I knew. She could read the room very quickly, and she would understand your feelings even without you saying it out loud. I was lucky to have her as my friend.
“Oh! Hold on… I gotta make a call,” she suddenly said.
She took her hand off me and swiftly whipped out her phone, dialing a number. I thought she was doing her IPG business, so I looked away, but then I heard her speaking in Japanese. I turned to look at her quizzically, but she was speaking so fast in a hushed tone while covering her mouth, making it impossible for me to make out the rapid Japanese she was spewing.
“Arigatou gozaimasu!” she exclaimed before hanging up.
“Who was that?” I asked her as she placed her phone back in her purse.
“You’ll see…” she giggled.
Fuck her and her mysterious ass!
Eventually, we reached Incheon Airport. As Minsoo pulled the van in front of the departure terminal and stopped there, Sana leaned forward to speak with Jihyo and Minsoo.
“I’ll follow her down. You guys can stay in the car. I’ll call you when I’m done,” Sana said, wearing her face mask.
That was smart. Less people would notice that we were Twice, and less chance of getting swarmed by paparazzi and fans. Jihyo and Minsoo nodded, understanding the same thing.
“Alright, then. Bye, Momoring! Safe flight!” Minsoo said with a big smile.
“Be safe in Japan too!” Jihyo added. “We’ll see you next week!”
“I will. Bye, guys! Make sure to stay hydrated!” I winked before getting out of the van with Sana.
As I slid the door shut, I saw Minsoo blushing deep red as he catched on to my meaning. I popped the trunk and grabbed my pink luggages, before shutting it and following Sana to the check-in area.
We hid our faces with our caps and hoodies as we walked towards the check-in counters. Sana decided to hang back to not draw attention to us, so I approached one counter and handed my passport to the lady there, before placing my check in baggage on the conveyor belt. As she opened my passport and checked my identity, her eyes widened. Oh shit.
“Please keep quiet…” I pleaded with a hushed voice. She nodded rapidly.
“I–I… I will.. But… Can I have an autograph?” she whispered.
If that was the way to keep her lips sealed, so be it. I nodded. She pulled a piece of paper and handed it to me. I grabbed the pen off the counter and signed her paper, before returning it back to her. She squealed excitedly before folding it into quarters and stuffing it into her pocket.
“K–Kamsahamnida, Momo-ssi. It’s my daughter’s birthday today, and… And this will make a great birthday present! She’s a Once!” she said quietly.
“Oh? Why didn’t you tell me earlier! In that case I should write her a birthday message! What’s her name?” I asked her.
She told me the name and handed me back the paper. I wrote a quick ‘Happy Birthday’ with her name on it and returned it back to her. She finished checking me in and returned my passport with my boarding pass inside it.
“Send my regards to your daughter,” I told her.
“I will! Thank you, Momo-ssi… And have a pleasant flight!” she said.
I thanked her and waved at her, before walking back to Sana.
“That took some time,” she uttered.
“A mini fan-sign event right there,” I explained.
“Aah…” she whispered.
We walked arm in arm towards the entrance of the Departure Hall. As we reached the gate, Sana pulled me into a hug. I chuckled and hugged her back.
“Be safe, Momoring… We’ve got our new year’s performance when you come back,” she said.
“Thanks, Sha… Good luck with that Dispatch thing today,” I said. She nodded.
“We’ll handle it. And also.. Don’t let the things that happened at SM’s HQ haunt you, okay?” she said.
I smiled and nodded, but her words reminded me of the guilt I had hidden in my heart. Had I not insisted on signing with SM in a bid to try to save whatever’s left of my relationship with Heechul, nothing would have happened. Jeongyeon would not have been shot, Chuyoung wouldn’t be in a coma.
“Momoring…”
Sana’s words woke me up from my thoughts again. I lifted my eyes and saw her staring at me kindly.
“It’s not your fault…” she said kindly. Her words stunned me.
“E–Eh? How did you…”
“Momoring, you’ve been my best friends for literally sixteen years. You can’t hide anything from me,” she giggled as she pulled away.
I stared at her, and she continued giggling.
“I know the real reason for this trip is for you to spend time alone, away from us, so you can figure things out with yourself. That’s a good thing! That being said, I’ll always have an eye on you, so don’t worry about your safety!” she smiled.
My eyes widened.
“Ya! Did you plant some IPG shit in my clothes or something?” I asked as I pat myself down. She laughed.
“Sort of…” she said tentatively.
“Sana, if you’re being mysterious with me again one more fucking time, I swear to God…”
“Love you too! Now go! Don’t wanna be late, do we?” she pushed me towards the gate.
I glared at that laughing cute girl one more time. I sighed and chuckled and started walking through the gate, but as soon as I entered, suddenly she screamed at me.
“GET SO SHY IT’S OBVIOUS!” she yelled in a sing-songy tone, quoting our song ‘The Feels’.
What the fuck? Ah… Fuck it. She was just being crazy again. I laughed and waved at her before turning my back and headed in.
I found my boarding gate and walked inside, passing the security screenings. I headed into the waiting area and waited for my boarding class to be called. I walked past a few families with babies. I sighed. Luckily I always fly Business Class. It wasn’t for show or pomp. It was for me to get away from the screaming babies. I sat down in one of the chairs and zoned out as I watched various planes taking off and coming down from the runway.
‘Now boarding… Japan Airlines JL 5210. Business Class passengers seats A to G’.
That was my cue. I wheeled my cabin baggage and headed towards the gate. I scanned my boarding pass and headed down to the jet bridge, before entering the plane. The flight crew welcomed me warmly and showed me my seat.
I stored my baggage in the overhead compartment and helped an older gentleman put his, before settling down in the comfy seat and resting my back on it. I whipped out my phone and texted the Twice group chat, telling them that I was on the plane and ready to go. Sana, Jihyo, Minsoo, Chaeyoung, Dahyun, Jeongyeon, and Mina replied, and eventually I smiled as I saw Nayeon replied too, wishing me a safe flight. I set my phone on airplane mode, took out my airpods, placed them in my ears, and closed my eyes.
“Hot towel for you, Miss Hirai?” a stewardess offered.
I accepted the steaming hot small towel gratefully and used it to wipe my face. The flight from Seoul to Kansai International Airport in Osaka would take 1 hour and 40 minutes, and it was enough for me to catch up on some sleep.
‘Crossing Fields’ by LiSA–the Japanese singer, not the Blackpink member–blasted through my airpods as I closed my eyes again. Japan, here I come.
* * *
“Kuso…”
I looked at the exposed wiring of my menpo mask. Fuck. The Yakuza did not play around. I was lucky that the bullet hit my mask instead of my head.
“Another one bites the dust…” I sighed as I threw the mask into a pile of other broken masks.
I walked over to my cabinet and opened it up, before grabbing an identical menpo mask and bringing it over to my laptop. After a little fumbling, I located the hidden USB flap and plugged my mask into the laptop.
I typed my code on the keyboard, and soon the LEDs in the mask began to blink as the loading bar on my screen slowly started filling up, uploading my code into it. It only took less than three seconds for the upload to finish. I took the mask into my own hands and sighed.
“Test run…” I mumbled.
I hit the buttons on the side of the mask. I smiled. Everything was working fine. Perfect. At that moment, my phone rang. I checked the caller ID before picking it up.
“Moshi moshi.”
“She’s on the plane now. Should be departing soon.”
I glanced at my watch. Shit. I needed to leave now.
“Alright. Thanks for letting me know.”
“No problem. Hey, be careful with her. Momo tends to be a little bit slippery at times, so do whatever you can to keep her within your sights.”
“I will.”
“Good. You still remember what to write on the sign?”
“Hai.”
“Excellent. And… Someone-san?”
“Yes?”
“Take good care of her. Please keep her safe.”
“Will do, Minatozaki-san.”
I smiled before hanging up. I quickly gathered my things and headed out of my apartment.
* * *
A familiar sight of the curve structures of Kansai International Airport greeted me as I walked out of the plane. This place hasn't changed one bit.
I loved it.
I passed the immigration and walked over to the baggage claim area, waiting patiently by the conveyor belt for my luggage to appear. Soon enough, my incredibly obvious hot pink luggage slid its way onto the moving track.
I walked closer to it and lifted it off the track, before extending the handle and wheeled it beside me as I walked out to the Arrival Hall. Now comes the most exciting part: Transportation. Should I take a taxi? Or maybe the train… Or I could…
My thoughts came to a screeching halt as my eyes fell on a sign that was being held by a man about my age.
MOMORING
GET SO SHY IT’S OBVIOUS
“Fuck you, Sha…” I grumbled.
She had sent someone to chaperone me. The man caught sight of me and waved to me. I ignored him, acting like I hadn’t seen him, and walked right past him, heading towards the door.
“Hirai-san!” he called.
Take the fucking hint you dumbass!
“Hirai-san!”
I groaned and turned around to see the man with the sign running towards me.
“Ohayo-gozaimasu! I’ve been sent my Minatozaki Sana on behalf of the IPG,” he panted as he extended a hand. “Sana sent me to take care of you.”
What am I? A ten year old?
“Well, you can tell her to go fuck herself… You know what? I’ll do it myself!” I grunted.
I took off my phone and connected to the Kansai Airport WiFi. I quickly accepted the terms and conditions without reading it, and as soon as I got connected, I called that girl.
“Momoring! You’ve arriv–”
“Fuck you, Sha!”
“Woah, woah, woah… What’s up with the hostility?”
“You sent someone to fucking chaperone me? Sana, I’m not 10!”
“Aaah… So you’ve met Someone-san!”
“Someone-san? What fucking name was that?”
“It’s the name he asked the IPG to call him. Anyways, you two have fun, okay?”
“FUN? Wha–Wait! Sha!”
“Annyeong~”
Beep beep beep
“KUSO!” I cursed angrily as I shoved my phone back to my pocket.
“I–Is everything okay, Hirai-san?” he asked. I glared at him.
“Shut the fuck up! You just single handedly ruined my entire fucking day!” I yelled at him as I lifted a hand to stop him from saying anything else.
He jittered uncomfortably, looking unsure of what to say, but then he nodded.
“I–I… I'll arrange for transport. Please wait here,” he said.
He pressed something on the sign he was holding and my eyes widened as I saw it folded itself down to the size of a playing card. He pocketed it and walked away, leaving me alone.
Huge mistake.
“Like hell I’ll wait for you. I’m an adult. I can take care of myself, thank you very much!” I uttered silently.
I rushed to the taxi stand and half-ran to one of the taxis in line. The driver saw me, popped the trunk, and I placed my luggages inside before sliding into the back seat.
“Where to?” he asked.
“Shinkansen station, please,” I said with a smile.
He nodded and we drove off, getting further and further away from the airport. I chuckled.
Sorry to spoil your plan, Sha, but I don’t think I’ll be seeing Someone-san anytime soon.
* * *
I came back, and sure enough, Momo was gone.
“She did say she was slippery,” I mused under my breath.
I pulled out my phone and checked the screen. The blinking red dot continued to move towards the direction of the Shinkansen station. I guessed I’d be catching her there. I sighed and shook my head.
“I don’t get paid enough for this shit…” I grumbled as I put on my menpo mask and dashed away.
* * *
I thanked the kind taxi driver one more time before grabbing my luggage and heading towards the station. I got myself a ticket to Kyoto before walking over to the bento store to get myself a box. It was just about time for lunch, and as usual, I was starving.
I felt my mouth watering as I looked at the delicious arrays of bentos for me to feast upon. My mind was undecided over what to pick as my eyes darted between the selections, when suddenly I heard someone calling me.
“Hirai-san.”
“EEK!!!”
I screamed in shock and turned around. A man in black menpo mask stood right behind me, his eyes staring intently at me.
“Did you seriously just run away like that?”
He removed the wooden mask, revealing a familiar face from the airport: Someone-san. How the fuck did he find me?
“How the hell–?”
“I have my ways, Hirai-san,” he said, putting his menpo mask back on.
He stepped next to me and started looking at the bento display. Damn it! I should have known that Sana would have gotten someone so qualified.
“Getting bento, I see…” he quipped.
“No shit, Sherlock!” I snapped.
He fell silent, staring at the bento display again. In my heart, I grumbled.
I came here to be alone, not to get fucking chaperoned. No way in hell was I going to stick around this guy! I decided to ignore him and made my order, but he followed my lead and ordered his. I started to think of ways to escape from him. I knew I couldn’t lose him on the train, so I’d have to escape when we reached Kyoto.
The seller lady handed us our bento, and I walked quickly towards the lift that would take me up to the platform level. He followed me closely, too closely for my liking. We reached the platform, and we walked to the one that would take us to our train.
“Amazing how small magnets can make a train travel at 240-320 kilometers per hour. Do you know that–”
“Shut up! I don’t want to hear your nerdy shit,” I shot at him, and he did so.
I silently pleaded for the train to arrive faster, but knowing Japan, everything here was so precise. Shit. I stole a glance at Someone-san, and he was staring at the train tracks silently, the only sound coming from him was his breathing underneath his mask.
Thankfully, the train arrived soon, and we boarded our carriage. I was shocked to see him sitting right next to me. How did he manage to get the ticket? How did he know that I would sit in this particular seat? Fuck him. Fuck Sana. Fuck the IPG! I had to put up with his shit all over again!
I sighed and settled down silently next to him. I opened my bento, and he did the same. He took off his mask and cracked his chopsticks apart. I heard him muttering a quick prayer, before digging into his food. He ate slowly, savouring every bite.
As the Shinkansen started moving silently, I couldn’t help but to examine Someone-san’s features. He was pretty well built, not too skinny nor too buff. He had a set of kind, black eyes and jet black hair that went well together with his full black outfit. Shit. If he wasn’t such a pain in the ass… I would say that he was cute.
My eyes wandered over to the wooden mask on his folding table. I studied it closely, looking at the high detail of the mask that dated back all the way to… What was it… Edo period?
“It’s a family heirloom,” he said suddenly.
“I didn’t ask,” I scoffed, getting back to my food.
He nodded and we continued eating in silence. As I finished my bento, I looked around and saw that the train was relatively crowded, which was perfect for my escape plan. I cleaned up my empty bento box and put it back in the plastic bag, before absentmindedly looking out the window as I watched Osaka’s skyline slowly faded away, replaced by green patches of rice paddies and nothingness.
Hummmm
I turned to my right to see the source of that humming sound. Someone-san had produced a laptop and a circular metal disk. On his hands are two bracelets with open wirings that were hooked up to his laptop. He typed a few things on his laptop before hitting enter and gingerly picked up the metal disk, placing it in between his palms horizontally.
Then, he jerked his right wrist a little, causing the humming noise from earlier to be heard again. Slowly, carefully, he pulled his palms away from each other. My eyes widened as the disk began to float in between his palms. What… Was he a magician?
Taking a deep breath, Someone-san carefully turned his hands vertically. As he pulled his hands further and further away from each other, the disk began to spin in place and gained speed. Suddenly, the disk started wobbling, and Someone-san quickly brought his hands back over each other, stabling the disk and stopping it from spinning.
“That was close…” he muttered as he powered down his bracelets.
The disk fell back into his hands with a soft thump, and he stored it. He sighed and leaned back against his seat. He caught me staring, and he opened his mouth to say something, but closed it a few seconds later before making out any syllables.
Good. He’s learning.
I smiled smugly and returned my gaze back outside the window as I felt the train slowing down. It was now or never. I silently stood up and took my luggage as Someone-san stayed glued to the screen of his laptop. The train slowed further down, and more passengers got up. Brilliant.
Before the train made a complete stop, I squeezed myself into the crowd, letting it push me towards the door. The door slid open, and I slipped out, together with the sea of people.
“Hirai-san? Hirai-san!” I heard him yelling.
I chuckled. I was already too far gone, rushing down the stairs and directly towards the taxi stand. I hopped onto the nearest one.
“AMAN Kyoto, please!” I said as soon as I got into the cab.
From the rearview mirror, I saw that the driver’s eyes widened hearing this, but he nodded silently and started driving. I chuckled. AMAN Kyoto was one of the most expensive and luxurious hotels in Kyoto.
I sighed contentedly as Kyoto Station faded into the background. Finally, some alone time. I knew this one would last longer. I knew Kyoto like the back of my hand, and I knew the fastest routes possible from anywhere to anywhere in this town. Try finding me now, ass head!
As the taxi zoomed through Kyoto traffic, a smile broke out on my face. I enjoyed the view of my hometown from the small window of the cab. Everything was as I remembered it; the same old buildings, old districts, old stores… Everything still stood where they were when I last saw them three years before.
The snow covered rooftops and busy streets only added to Kyoto’s beauty as we continued our journey to the 5-star hotel Sana had booked for me. Today was for me to unwind by myself–and maybe do some shopping–before going to see my family for the whole day tomorrow.
My taxi continued to weasel its way through the traffic as it headed to the outskirts of Kyoto, where the hotel was located. Knowing Sana, she would most likely get me a room with a nice view overlooking the Hieizan Mountain. Some thirty minutes after we departed the station, the taxi pulled over at the hotel lobby, and I walked in towards the front desk.
“Konichiwa! Welcome to AMAN Kyoto,” the front desk lady greeted me kindly while bowing deeply.
“Konichiwa! I have a reservation under… Ichika Sato,” I said, producing my fake passport.
Ichika, which roughly translates to summer, was my fake japanese name that I had given myself when I wanted to travel alone under the radar. To her credit, Sana even went the extra mile to forge me a fake Japanese passport with that name on it using her IPG connections. The front desk lady received my fake passport with a smile.
“So des… Let me check… Ah yes. Six days stay at the... Takagamine Suite,” she said, smiling brightly.
Takagamine Suite? That was… Wasn’t that the most expensive suite in this hotel? Wow… You outdid yourself, Sha!
“A–Ah yes, that would be me,” I said, catching myself.
“Great! Everything was paid by Miss… Yoo Sa Na. Is that correct?” the lady reconfirmed. I chuckled silently. Yoo Sana? She was starting to use her girlfriend’s surname now?
“Yeah. That’s correct,” I said again, smiling wider.
“Perfect! Sato-san, do you want to wait at the lounge while we complete your check-in? You can have some refreshments there…” the lady said kindly, but I shook my head.
“That’s alright. I’ll have my drinks later in the suite,” I said. She nodded.
“Very well… Please hang on a second…” she said as she got back to her computer.
I stood more comfortably, resting my elbow on the counter. Hang on. I needed to act more properly. I was supposed to be an esteemed guest of their most expensive suite anyway. I straightened myself and cleared my throat, and suddenly I noticed that the front desk lady stole a glance at me.
“Sumimasen, Sato-san… It’s just… You… You look a lot like Hirai Momo. You know, the singer,” she said shyly. I chuckled.
“I get that a lot,” I smiled.
She finished my check in and returned my passport, together with a set of keycards on a tray.
“Right. Here’s the keycard to your room. Our butler service is available 24-hours for your request, all you need to do is press a button. Your suite is in a pavilion by the garden beside our main building, so our concierge will take you there. Your luggages is already in your room. Enjoy your stay with AMAN, Sato-san!” she explained thoroughly.
“Hai! Arigatou-gozaimasu!” I said cheerfully.
I followed the concierge out of the main building through a walkway to the Takagamine Suite. It was perched above a tall hand-crafted stone wall, offering a floating view over the surrounding maple and cedar forest.I felt my smile growing to a wide grin the closer I got to the pavilion. It was huge.
The concierge swiped the keycard and opened the door for me, before wishing me a pleasant stay and bowing deeply. I entered the room, and my eyes and mouth gaped open as I saw just how luxurious this suite was.
“Holy shit… I don’t know whether to stay mad at you or to love you more, Sha…” I whispered to myself.
I marveled in awe of the absolutely huge suite. It has a living room, two bedrooms, a tatami dining room, a Western dining room, and a kitchen. Hell, it even had its own tokonoma alcove! The suite was constructed of natural woods, it has floor-to-ceiling windows, and tatami flooring. This was… Wow…
I joyously threw myself onto the spacious bed and giggled like a child as I rolled around on it. God… This was nice. This was perfect! Okay… I really should thank Sana. How much did this room cost, anyway? I took out my phone and checked it.
“YA! SEVEN AND A HALF FUCKING MILLION WON PER NIGHT?!” I screamed as the numbers appeared on my screen.
I felt my hands trembling. I knew Sana was loaded, with all those endorsement deals and all her exclusive brand ambassador contracts with a lot of luxury brands, but… I didn’t know she was that loaded!
Alright. Alright. I should thank her properly. I should buy her something from here. Something expensive. She deserved it. I couldn’t stay mad at her. Gosh… That girl. I giggled and dialed Sana’s number, but then I heard a knock on my door. I smiled. Must be the welcome drink, I thought.
I skipped out of my bedroom to the front door and opened it, but when I saw who was standing on the other side, I jumped back in shock.
“H–HOW THE FUCK!”
It was Someone-san.
“As I said, I have my ways…” he said flatly.
“O–Oi! W–What are you doing here? Don’t tell me you’re staying in this suite too!” I stuttered, suddenly remembering the other bedroom. Was that a chuckle I heard?
“I’m not. I’m just here to tell you that I’ll be staying in the Hotaru Rooms. Do let me know if you ever want to leave,” he said, gesturing towards the building right in front of my pavilion. With that, he left.
I stared at his back, dumbfounded. I went back inside my suite, and I sat on the sofa in the living room. How did he find me here? Did Sana tell him? Yeah. Fuck you, Sha. No expensive gift for you!
I made my mind up. I initially wanted to rest a little bit before going out, but I changed my mind. I should venture out of my suite and explore my hometown on my own right now. Someone-san would still be busy settling down in his room, so this was my chance!
I grabbed my phone and purse, before opening my room door silently. I checked my surroundings, worried if Someone-san would suddenly appear out of nowhere, but he was nowhere to be seen. I crept quickly back to the main building and into the lobby, but as soon as I reached the lobby, my blood boiled.
“HOW?!!“ I yelled exasperatedly as Someone-san stood there in the lobby, staring blankly at me.
“Never underestimate a nerd,” he replied.
I stomped my feet in anger and whined. When was this nightmare going to end?
* * *
It was useless.
Every attempt.
Every plan.
Every escape.
All foiled.
No matter how hard I tried to get away from this masked man, he'd always pop up yet again like a fucking whac-a-mole. I was starting to question the reality of this world. No matter how far I ran or how lost I got, this man would just somehow find me and meet me at my next destination.
"Uzai..." I mutter as he found me yet again after my latest attempt to lose him in downtown Kyoto.
"What did you say?"
"I said: UZAI! You're a fucking pain in the ass!" I yelled at him. He sighed.
"Look Hirai-san, I'm just trying to do my jo—“
"Fuck you and your job, can't you give me a bit of privacy?"
"Like I said, I'm—“
I flipped.
“You know what? Fuck your job, fuck the IPG, and most of all: FUCK YOU! I don’t need to be watched, I don’t need to be chaperoned! I’m a full grown adult! I can look out for myself, so YOU and your STUPID menpo mask can SCREW OFF and LEAVE ME ALONE!” I launched into a tirade.
A few people walking down the street looked at me scaredly, but I didn’t care. I needed to vent my anger and frustration.
“Hirai-san…”
“GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!” I yelled, before turning and walking away.
My footsteps were fast and heavy as I walked away from the biggest thorn on my side as of now. To my frustration, he kept following me.
“Hirai-san…”
“I SAID FUCK O–OOH!!”
I tripped on a piece of jutting out pavement and lost my balance. My arms windmilled as I began to fall backwards onto the road, straight into the path of an oncoming car. I heard the horn honking loudly, and the headlights blinded me as my imminent doom approached in what seemed like slow motion.
A pair of strong hands grabbed and pulled me up in the nick of time. I shrieked as I felt my hair skimming the windscreen of the speeding car as I was pulled upright.
“What was that about looking out for yourself again?”
Someone-san was glaring at me. I couldn’t formulate a single word as my heart thumped wildly in my chest. His eyes softened as he stared at me.
“Sumimasen… That wasn’t nice of me. Hirai-san… Daijoubu desuka?”
The intervals between my breaths started to get shorter and shorter. Dots danced across my vision. Everything went blurry.
“Hirai-san? Momo!”
Everything went dark.
* * *
“Hirai-san... Daijoubu desuka?”
Her breathing started to get erratic and her pupils started to dilate. Her eyelids fluttered close and she started to fall.
“Hirai-san? Momo!”
My hand instinctively went to the back of her head, cushioning her fall. Her head landed on my hand instead of the concrete pavement and I felt a sharp jolt of pain ran up my arm as it hit the ground instead, saving her from brain damage.
“Fuck… That hurts,” I cursed.
I rested her gently on the ground and checked my hand. I felt around for broken bones or fractures, and was grateful that I found none, but my hand hurts like hell. People were starting to surround us. That was dangerous. I lifted her up and carried her onto my arm.
“Is she alright?” a passerby asked me. I nodded.
“Yes. Low blood pressure. Don’t worry. Our place is near,” I replied.
I swiftly carried her to my car that was parked nearby, and I placed her gently on the passenger seat. I rushed to the other side and entered the car before picking up her wrist and checking her pulse. It was strong. Good. She just needed more oxygen.
I stared at the unconscious idol that was always trying to escape from me, and I was stunned. Momo could be brash and slippery while awake, but now… She looked so peaceful. So...
Snap out of it!
I shook myself out of my trance. I took off my menpo mask and put it onto Momo’s face before pressing one of the buttons on the side, releasing short bursts of oxygen into the mask for her to breathe.
I checked my phone to see how far we were from AMAN Kyoto. Shit. I had chased her all the way to Gion, at the heartbeat of downtown Kyoto. This was going to be a long journey.
* * *
I groaned and opened my eyes. Golden light of the setting sun streamed in through the windows. Shit… Where was I?
I felt something on my face, so I reached up and touched a wooden object. What the fuck? I panickedly ripped the thing off my face and flipped it around.
A menpo mask.
I shot up and looked around me. My heartbeat slowed as I realized that I was back in AMAN Kyoto’s Takagamine Suite. My suite. Hang on… Wasn’t I at Gion just now?
Suddenly, images came flooding back to my mind. The car, the close shave…
“Shit… I must’ve fainted,” I sighed.
I slowly threw the covers off my body, and found myself still in my clothes from earlier.
How did I get back here?
I slowly turned and stared at the menpo mask.
Sumimasen… That wasn’t nice of me. Hirai-san… Daijoubu desuka?
He saved me.
He saved me and brought me back here.
A rhythmic knock on my door brought me out of my thoughts. I somehow knew who was knocking. I got out of my bed, exited my bedroom, and walked to the front door. I opened it slowly, and sure enough, Someone-san was there.
“Ah… You’re awake,” he said with a kind smile.
I stared at him. I wanted to be mad, I wanted to feel mad, but I couldn’t. He’d just saved me from certain death, even though I’d treated him like shit the entire day.
“May I come in?” he asked politely.
I nodded silently and stepped aside to let him pass. He walked in, took off his shoes, and continued walking to the dining room. I followed him silently. He sat at the tatami table and placed a plastic bag down on the table. He extended his arm and smiled, gesturing at the place opposite him. Somehow, I found myself complying, and silently sat in front of him.
“Thank you for cooperating,” he said, his smile growing wider.
Someone-san pulled a metal bowl out of the plastic bag and set it nicely in front of me. He placed a pair of chopsticks next to it and gently pulled the lid open. My eyes widened in surprise. I couldn’t believe it.
Jokbal. Over rice.
“H–How did you–?”
“I have my sources,” he replied in Korean. “Mas-issge deupsibssieyo.”
What the fuck? He spoke Korean very eloquently! I stared at him in amazement, then at my favourite dish on the table. He chuckled.
“Go on, eat up. You need to increase your blood pressure after collapsing like that,” he said kindly, still in Korean.
“Joesonghamnida,” I mumbled.
“Eh? What for?”
“For treating you like an ass the whole day… Y–You’re just trying to keep me safe…”
He chuckled.
“You can make it up to me by eating up,” he smiled, gesturing to the bowl in front of me.
I stared at the dish, and finally my hunger got the better of me. I cracked the chopsticks, picked up a piece, and shoved it into my mouth. Shit… This was good! I continued to shovel the jokbal into my mouth as I felt Someone-san smiling at me.
“Damn… W–Where did you get this?” I asked as I finished the bowl.
“I have a connection,” he said as he took the bowl and chopsticks from me and placed it back inside the plastic.
“H–How did you know I liked jokbal?” I asked, feeling even more curious.
“I know a lot more about you than you think, Hirai-san,” he smirked. This sly fuck.
“Are you always so mysterious?”
He laughed.
“Unfortunately so, Hirai-san. My job requires me to stay under the radar. You, Sana-san, and Jieun-san are the only three people who’ve seen my face so far,” he said, switching back to Japanese.
“Not even Suzy?” I asked him confusedly.
“Not even Suzy-san,” he said as he shook his head.
“Then why me?”
“I figured that since we’d be together for the whole week, might as well let you see my face,” he said, shrugging.
I stared at him. He was undoubtedly an IPG associate, but what kind of associate was he that even the Head of IPG herself hadn’t seen his face? Slowly, he stood up.
“Right. I’ll leave you to be alone,” he said.
Someone-san walked over to my bedroom and came back a second later with his menpo mask in his hands. He wore it and looked at me, giving me an eye smile.
“Can I ask you something?” I blurted.
“Sure. Go ahead, Hirai-san,” he replied.
“Why do you always have to wear that?” I asked, pointing at his face.
He stared at me for a moment, before taking the mask off again. He approached the table and sat in front of me.
“Are you familiar with the 2026 YG Entertainment Scandal?” he asked.
“Sort of…” I said, nodding my head. “Sana and Nayeon-unnie told me.”
“Well, I was part of a team of hackers that IU assembled to hack into YG’s database and steal the names of Park Manse’s associates for Sandara Park-san,” he explained. I nodded.
“Actually… In the end, Kim Yeoni-san didn’t get the names from Sandara-san, and instead he got it from Rosé-san, and then he gave it to Suzy-san. But… All that mattered was that the mission was a success, Park Manse and his associates failed, and Kim Jisoo-ssi was safe,” he continued.
“Yeah… I heard that much,” I said.
He took a deep breath and continued.
“That was the good part. The bad part was… Manse does have his resources and connections, and as you yourself know, he’s a vengeful person. So, after he had to resign from his position in YG and go into hiding, his team started digging up on the hackers that got the names of his associates.”
“He found out about our team, but he realized he couldn’t do anything because most of the members are idols: Sandara, IU, and Red Velvet’s Wendy. They are all under the IPG’s protection, and going after them would only cause more trouble. So instead, he went after the only non-idol member of the team: Myself.”
“He traced my IP address and got my identity, and he started sending his people to get me. Day after day, there was at least a team of assassins trying to end me. After three months of putting up with that every single day, IU and I decided that it was best for me to return here to Japan. As powerful as Manse might sound, his reach doesn’t go beyond the borders of South Korea.”
“With Sana’s help, I changed my name, forged a new birth certificate and documents, and settled down back in my home country. Back with my family. Life was peaceful for a while, until my stupid ass… Well… Let’s just say I did something stupid that landed me on the Yakuza’s kill list.”
What the fuck? My eyes widened in horror. He sighed and shook his head.
“The thing about the Yakuza is… Even if they can't get you, they’ll start targeting your family. So… I moved my family–my parents and my young sister–to Korea, again with the help of Sana and the IPG, and… Well, I have been constantly on the run ever since, hiding my identity with this menpo mask,” he said, lifting the mask.
“This week is the first time I’m letting myself take a break after… What… More than a year of running,” he concluded.
I stared at him blankly. That was crazy!
“That’s… Nuts…” I mused. To my surprise, Someone-san shrugged.
“It’s… Occupational hazard, I must say,” he sighed.
“Do you ever plan to go back?” I asked. “To Korea, I mean.”
He stared at me silently for a moment, and slowly... He smiled.
“When this whole thing is over, when Sana and the IPG finally manage to apprehend Manse… Then I’ll come back. For now, I’ll continue to hide and assist from the shadows,” he said.
I blinked a few times. He was risking his life to protect me… And… And I treated him like scum. Damn it. I was a terrible person.
“I’m sorry…” I uttered.
“Don’t be, Hirai-san… Shit happens, I just accept it and move on,” he said generously.
“No. I mean… I’m sorry… For treating you badly. Here you are, risking your life to keep me safe… And I’m… I’m just… Being difficult,” I muttered, feeling embarrassed at myself.
I looked down, unable to stare at this kind man, but at that moment, suddenly I felt a warm touch on my shoulder. Someone-san had moved from his seat to my side.
“You don’t need to feel bad, HIrai-san. In fact, I should be the one apologizing. You wanted to be alone, and I kept bugging you down,” he said gently. I looked up and glared at him.
“W–What do you mean? You’re the one whose life is on the line!” I exclaimed.
Tears started to fill my eyes. I’d not felt this bad since SM HQ. I was being selfish again, unable to see things from a perspective other than mine. I was such a terrible person!
Slowly, I felt him grabbing my hands. I looked up at him guiltily, but the smile on his face made a strong sense of calmness wash over me. He stared deeply into my eyes and took a deep breath before speaking.
“Hirai-san. I wasn’t forced into this position. Sana asked me to help her take care of you while you’re here, to keep you safe, and I accepted her request willingly. I am not currently in danger. While I keep you safe, Sana and the IPG went the extra mile to keep me extremely protected these seven days. You shouldn’t worry about me,” he explained at length.
I stared into those kind eyes of his, and somehow… They seemed to radiate nothing but happiness. How did he do that? For the past God-knows-how-long since the YG incident he had been on the run, and yet… He still seemed calm and even managed to comfort me.
I understood now why Sana chose her to look after me. He was the best, and she would never entrusted me in the care of someone other than the best. I could only imagine just how much work Sana had to do to keep him safe while he protected me, and for that… I felt eternally grateful.
“Okay…” I whispered eventually. “I won’t. I won’t worry about you.”
Someone-san smiled wider and gently released his grasp on my hands. He slowly stood up and smiled at me.
“Wonderful. I’ll head back to my room then. Try to catch some rest and enjoy your suite,” he said, flinging his eyes around the luxurious suite.
“I will…” I said, finally finding my smile again.
He wore his menpo mask and walked to the door. I followed him there, and as he wore his shoes he looked at me.
“Sana said that you do get hungry fast, so… Whenever you’re ready to have dinner, just knock on my room. It’s 02-24. Second floor, go right after you exit the lift,” he said.
“Okay…” I nodded, then I heard him chuckling.
“Or you can just run off. I’ll find you either way,” he said.
I chuckled.
“I’ll knock this time,” I said softly, reassuring him. His eyes looked surprised.
“Oh? Why the sudden change of heart?” he asked.
“We’re going to be stuck with each other for seven days…” I smirked. “Might as well cooperate.”
He chuckled again and nodded, before waving to me and leaving.
I stared at his back as he walked away, and only after he disappeared from sight did I go back inside my suite. I reached for my luggage and started unpacking, before taking off my clothes and walking slowly into the bathroom.
As I immersed myself in the warm water of the bathtub, I sighed and thought.
Now that I have changed my view of him… Something told me that Sana’s little chaperone would make my week in Kyoto a lot more fun.
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xlovla · 3 years
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s/o who is chubby
Summary: the main three 1a boys reacting to their s/o being insecure about her weight.
Pairing: todoroki, bakugou, midoriya
Warnings: swearing, insecurity, angst kinda ??
A/n: i wrote this because i know lots of people are insecure about their weight (including me) and sometimes we just need to be reminded that looks dont define you. So here are the boys coming to the rescue like true heros :)
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Shoto Todoroki
-he notices you are upset almost immediately.
-so he goes up to you trying to make you feel better by cupping your face in his hands and asking what is wrong over and over until you finally give in and tell him that you want to lose weight.
-he steps back and just stares at you for a good minute or two.
-then he kneels back down to your level and asks “why?” in the most monotone voice imaginable.
-“well i look around at other girls and notice how pretty they are with their slim waists, big hips, boobs, and butts. then i look at myself and i just dont think i fit in with all of all the beautiful girls..” you answer him now looking down at the ground trying to avoid eye contact.
-he keeps quiet trying to comprehend what you just said.
-Todoroki has a lot of insecurities but he never stops to think about how you feel about your body because in his eyes it looks beautiful so why would such a beautiful girl be worried about something like looks?
-after a few more minutes of silence he leans in and presses his lips to yours. Since that is how he expresses his feelings and his love language is touch he didn’t know what else to do.
-your boyfriend pulls away from you only to say “baby, you look perfect i dont ever want you to change.”
- when you finally look up at him he sees tears in your eyes and a slight smile on your face as you say you love him.
Katsuki Bakugou
-it takes him a minute to notice you are upset, at first he just thinks you are being your usual strange self but once catches a glimpse at your face he knows somethings up.
- “hey dumbass.” He calls out causing you to turn and face him.
- “hm?” You hum in response.
- “don’t act stupid. what’s wrong? you know you cant hide shit from me so why try?” he states sternly. you love it when he points out how close the two of you are.
-you deny that anything is wrong about a million times until he gets annoyed
-out of frustration he grabs your waist with his left hand to turn you and pushes you against a wall aggressively and puts his right hand up against that same wall to prevent you from moving in an attempt to keep you from leaving his grasp.
-you squirm trying to break free but even you know its no use, he has you trapped.
- he takes his hand off your waist once you stop moving and brings it up to your face. He uses his middle and ring finger to lift your chin up to face him while his index finger is resting on your cheek firmly.
- “ill only ask you this one more damn time so you best tell me the truth.” He continues “what the hell is up with you?!” He raises his voice a bit but makes sure it’s not too loud, careful not to hurt your ears.
- you look away from him while you say “i- i just went to the mall earlier today and saw all the beautiful people. The muscular men, skinny girls..”
- he raises one of his eyebrows at your confession.
- “and then i looked over and saw my reflection in a store window. And i felt like i didnt deserve to be among all these beautiful people..” You look up at him, your face is soft and has a sad feature to it, which he hates.
- “and? who the fuck cares about what everyone else looks like?” His eyebrows knited together.
- you sighed but were cut off by him placing a soft kiss onto your lips.
Izuku Midoriya
-when he first sees you he KNOWS your sad so he runs up behind your and yells “BOO” as an attempt to scare you.
-it doesn’t work.
-you just let out a small chuckle and continue doing what your doing he frowns and thinks to himself “she is obviously upset but why? Was it something i did or something someone else did? Is she on her menstral cycle? I want to ask but-“ his thoughts were interrupted by you kissing his cheek sweetly.
- “I’m going to bed now, goodnight izuku i love you” you say with a pathetic fake smile on your face.
-you turn around and start to walk away but he grabs your wrist and pulls you back into him as a form of giving you an awkward hug (obviously not hard because that baby would not hurt you the tiniest bit.)
- “what’s wrong baby?” He asks you with the BIGGEST puppy eyes.
-as soon as the two of you make eye contact you instantly regret it and look away.
- “you’ll think its stupid..” you say with tears forming in your eyes remembering all the dark, bad thoughts that when through your head earlier.
-he lets go of you only for a second just to grab you again and pull you into a comfortable hug this time.
- one of his hands is wrapped around your body while the other is cupping the back of your head firmly holding it as close to his chest as possible.
- “c’monnn, please tell me..” you can hear the desperation in his tone.
- “fine..” you inhale and hug him back. You wrap your arms around his mascular body as he did to your delicate one.
- “i went to the mall earlier today to pick up some groceries.. you know that but-“ you stop yourself and make a fist onto his back grabbing his shirt as a way to calm yourself down and stop yourself from crying again.
- “on my way out I couldn’t help but notice all the beautiful girls around me.. they were all so skinny with tiny waists, big hips, butts, and boobs.. then i looked over and saw my reflection in a store window and..” here come the tears, “i- i ran ran to the bathroom.. because I couldnt bear looking at all of-“ you had to pause in between your words to breathe and you were stuttering bad too because you were crying into his chest. “The people when i looked so.. so bad...”
- listening to you talk about yourself like this broke your boyfriends heart.
- how could such a beautiful person be this upset with their looks? He wouldn’t allow it.
- he slid his hand from your head down to your hips and pulled you away then got into your face and said “no. Stop..” at this point he was crying aswell. “You are beautiful baby.. and all those people you saw? Dont pay attention to them they dont matter. For now just focus on me, okay?” You nodded
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AHSDHFHHJKKHD
THE QUEEN’S GAMBIT. WAS SO FUCKING GOOD. 
[spoilers below if you haven’t seen it and you want to]
Here are some of my (not in any particular order) bullet points. This is gonna be long as hell because, you know, brain dumps amiright
First off, Anya Taylor-Joy’s acting. Is just incredible. In particular moments, you can tell what she’s thinking with a simple hand gesture or with the tiniest raise of an eyebrow. She develops Beth’s signature facial expressions and movements throughout the show, and you just feel like you know her. And during her chess matches, sometimes it feels like she’s staring into your soul. Especially when she gives that badass chin-on-the-hands look and she knows she’s going to win. Powerful energy.
Secondly, I fucking knew I recognized Harry Beltik from somewhere else but my mom didn’t BELIEVE me and then I looked up the actor and he’s DUDLEY DURSLEY, I WAS RIGHT MOTHER, I WAS RIGHT
I love love love how they didn’t make, like, a major romantic plotline. Beth doesn’t end up with a partner - she ends with a bunch of super supportive friends that have her back by the time she gets to Moscow, and like, she has a crush on Townes but they end up being just like super good and healthy friends and I love it?? So much?? Thank you producers
Townes. Just, in general. I really like his character, he’s super nice and his voice is oddly soothing
BORGOV. I LOVE BORGOV. HE IS SO GODDAMN RESPECTFUL. Like, he seemed like a very cold character at first - well-mannered and extremely professional, yes, but rather cold. But when she wins in Moscow? “It is your game. Take it.” I LOVE THAT SO MUCH. AND HE HUGS HER AND STARTS CLAPPING AND THE AMOUNT OF RESPECT AND ADMIRATION AND AFFECTION IN THAT SCENE IS INCREDIBLE. And you don’t see any of that in Borgov’s face when he’s playing. His facial expressions do not change at all. But then his face when she wins!! He’s HAPPY! He’s like, goddamn, I’ve spent my whole life mastering chess, it’s about time somebody fucking beat me! I know I’m repeating myself but just his RESPECT I absolutely adore it
And Beth’s officer-watcher-person in Moscow was all like “ahhh be wary of the Russians! communism!!” but they absolutely did not make this yet another evil Russian show, like please that trope works for plots but it’s about time somebody did something different - they showed the US government as suspicious of the Soviets but then they showed the solidarity between the chess players that Benny talked about earlier (”The Russians work together, Americans work alone” or something like that), and then they showed the kind and excitable people on the streets, and the amount of support they would have had no matter WHO won that goddamn match. The old man she plays at the end. Everyone is a community.
Continuing that - I cannot for the life of me remember the name of the old man with the very puffy white hair, but I loved him too. He sees Beth as the rising star she is, and he respects her. He admires her. The dynamic there is absolutely immaculate, contrary to the dynamic between Beth and the man she beats earlier, the one who walks off and doesn’t even talk to her. We don’t like that man - we like the ones who admit defeat and respect Beth!! I love them!! They are extremely professional, and they show the warm-heartedness that often doesn’t show with all of the cold stares and glares that pass between players during matches.
Joline. I’m so glad she came back. I love her. She’s extremely independent but she comes back for Beth because Beth needs her but she’s also like “I’m not your savior! Get your shit together!” which is fucking awesome. And the fact that the two of them interacted like the best of friends even after years of separation was really sweet to me.
I nearly cried when Beth went back into the school. (I say ‘nearly’ because there were other people in the room and naturally I can’t do that in front of other people. If I was utterly alone, maybe on my own planet, I would have.) Because of all of it. Because of her trauma, because that’s where all the shit began... and the music during that scene. It was hauntingly beautiful, especially when the melody began switching to cello. And then Beth saw all the pictures and newspaper clips that Mr. Shaibel had saved, because he cared about her so much, because he started it all - he’s the reason she’s going to national tournaments, to Paris, to Moscow. And in that scene, we know he’s too old to be alive anymore, and she does too. The whole school scene in general just feels so ghostly and ethereal. 
I love Borgov, did I say that already? I just... strive to exude his energy. I want to be good at things but I want to hold deep, genuine respect and admiration for others who are also good at the thing, because sometimes I just have the biggest fucking ego and I can get carried away. ‘Borgov, Borgov, Borgov.’ A mantra. He wins respectfully and he loses respectfully. 
BETH’S MOTHER (the second one) JUST FUCKING DIED OUT OF NOWHERE?? AND I WAS SO SHOCKED? Which is really an accurate reflection of reality because death often comes out of nowhere, but DAMN I was not expecting that shit
And the fact that the mother just,,,, let her chug a beer,,,, oof
THE ADDICTION. BETH’S DOWNWARD SPIRAL. IT MADE ME FEEL SO HORRIBLE BUT IT FELT SO REAL. Everything about her progression through addiction was just... I can’t find an adjective. But when she just fucking inhaled that bucket of pills as a kid and then collapsed. When that addiction lasted into her adulthood - it’s really impactful and horrible and just so real. She needed proper care throughout this entire goddamn show and she never got medical care, she just got supportive friends - which, btw, that’s one thing that kind of threw me off. Like, she didn’t have withdrawal in Moscow, she went from chugging like four bottles of wine a day to... not drinking at all?? Without withdrawal symptoms?? And I’m proud of her for throwing away those pills but honestly it felt really fast, idk
GIVING CHILDREN TRANQUILIZERS WAS AN ACTUAL THING THAT HAPPENED. I DID NOT PREVIOUSLY KNOW THIS. BUT LEGITIMATELY, IT HAPPENED. HOLY SHIT.
HARRY BELTIK. He was like, awkwardly in love with Beth and that shit didn’t work out but even afterwards he FUCKING CARED. He’d seen his father drink himself to death and he knew that would happen to Beth and he was scared. So he came back, he tried to help her, and at that point (when she had that fucking scary eye makeup, yeah that was rock bottom) she didn’t care much about the outside world anymore. She was angry, and she was closing herself in. It made my stomach clench in physical pain. Which is a good thing. But also not.
Harry Beltik in general just being so supportive and wanting to help her though, like yeah it was very awkward, but they were vibing
AND BENNY WATTS IS FUCKING GREAT. THAT WHOLE COWBOY LOOK, COWBOY CHESS PLAYER, NOW THAT’S AN AESTHETIC. He was concerned for Beth too. He wanted to help her. He wanted to create that American solidarity that he knew the Soviet competitors had, and ultimately he did when he and everyone else called her in Moscow. Benny is... chaotic good? Neutral? He is quite an interesting character, and Beth’s persistent social awkwardness fades away with him because he knows how to interact with her. He’s a dedicated and smart narcissist, and I’m here for it.
The fact that they made me love and hate Cleo at the same time, and also question Beth’s sexuality when she first met Cleo. Like, she’s from Paris. She considers ‘tomorrow night’ to be a very long time away. I love her mysteriousness. But also, she was the catalyst for Beth’s downward drinking spiral before the match in Paris, so like... I like Cleo’s personality, but not her choices in those previous moments.
The music. Did I mention the music? The soundtrack. The orchestrals. That one song that the mother plays on piano that I hear all the time and I still don’t actually know what it is PLEASE HELP. The music is melancholy in the right moments, upbeat in the right moments, intense and suspenseful in the right moments - and also absent in the right moments. There’s tacet. There’s silence. And it’s always been my firm belief that silence can hold just as much impact as sound. 
Just an interesting note, my mom watched the whole show before me and then re-watched it with me, and when Mr. Shaibel showed up she quickly reassured me that he wasn’t a child molester, because quote “it may be a creepy basement but he’s just really nice” so...  I was reassured
I love Mr. Shaibel, and Beth just kept sticking up for him in front of the press and,,, yeah
I hated that bitch from the high school, what was her name?... The one who showed up in the store with a child? It makes me think about the fact that so many kids are just jerks in high school simply because they can be... and occasionally their fuckery lasts into adulthood but oftentimes it doesn’t. You don’t have to be a jerk when you’re an adult, and you don’t have to be a jerk in high school! People remember, people always remember! So, to the bitch from the high school: fuck you for making Beth feel like an outsider and then trying to reverse gears and accept her, cuz Beth isn’t falling for that shit.
The twins, Matt and Mike. They’re so doubtful of Beth in the beginning but then bam, she’s competing nationally, and I adore how the three of them become friends. All those men playing chess in Kentucky in the beginning seem so condescending, but ultimately they show respect because Beth absolutely fucking deserves it.
I enjoy the fact that we never *really* know Beth’s age. It’s just like... she’s 9, she’s 15, she’s 17, she’s... twenty something? Who the hell knows? As many characters say, when it comes to skill level, age ultimately isn’t an important factor. This young woman beats the oldest man with the bushiest white hair in Moscow and age. Does not. Matter. 
The Jesus people lmaooooo when Beth said “because it’s fucking nonsense” I just. Mad respect ma’am, don’t take their money, go be a communist and “sPrEaD tHe aThEiSt AgEnDa”
Wow I really just... wrote all that didn’t I damn wish I could write essays this fast at reasonable hours of the day
Beth’s relationship with her foster mother is so fucking sweet until she fucking dies
And fuck Beth’s legal father. He is an asshole. That is all.
The mother deserved Manuel, she deserved that sketchy Mexican salesman goddammit
As my final bullet point: This has made me want to play chess. This has made me want to get good at chess. You know that thing where you like, download the personality of the coolest character for like a day after you watch something... I don’t do that anymore (maybe), but I want to download those mad chess skills. This has made chess seem so cool. I want to wear a fancy suit and compete with people. I just have to, you know, actually develop some strategy and stop losing brutally against people online. I wAnT tO pLaY cHesS dO yOu HeAr mE
I’m going to stop now, but I just,,, peeps, I love this show. I’m absolutely going to require a re-watch in the future. I just love it. The characters and their development, their relationships with each other, the progression of time and of Beth’s maturity... it is simply incredible. This concludes my brain dump.
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Take your time then.
Aizawa x gender neutral reader
Story under the cut :)
Unedited but like edited but still not properly edited :)
Hope you enjoy!!!
a/n: it’s been a hot min since I’ve written a fic. I think the last time i was 14 and it was shit and on wattpad. Ha. I hate myself. N e way, I was recently writing some shit for an au me and my friend thought up and in the back of my mind I was like, “you should start writing fics again bc this is kinda fun”, soo lo and behold I made a post asking if anyone would be interested, shared a little too much personal shit in it but whatever, and have now decided to write this mother fucker. (3/25/21)
a/n: not sure if anyone will care about this series of a/n’s but I’m just chronicling thoughts ig. rewriting rn bc my first draft was short and ass. Also I’m thinking about opening requests after this is posted, will go into detail in a diff post maybe. (3/28/21)
a/n: deleted everything, rewriting. I just want to make something that might be decent and if I can give that feeling, y’know those chills you get when you read something utterly gorgeous, but I’m bad at writing. sadge (3/28/21, like several hours later)
a/n: ugh (4/1/21)
a/n: ugh pt 2 electric boogaloo. I can’t seem to move forward with the writing. I realized something like this might happen bc to solve a problem feelings need to be discussed and I fucking hate doing that so you can see where I’m fucking up lmaooooo (4/2/21)
a/n: I read angst to fuel my writing brain. So, read some angst, finally writing agian. This first section is probs as long as the story itself LMFAO(4/5/21)
Started: (3/25/21) Finished: (4/5/21)
Warnings: uh angst, curse words, like a lot, (i saw someone else put this as a warning, do I actually need it?), avoiding problems instead of actually facing them, mentions of shit so-so parenting, mentions of not being able to live up to high expectations, y’know, the works
Synopsis: Aizawa takes in Eri without running it by you first and expects you to be okay with it. That’s funny. He was wrong.
Can I preface this with a thought? I’m going to anyway,
all the fics I read paint him as the sweetest partner and I’m sure he is but I think they miss out on how blunt he is and his whole “Mr. Rationality” thing. So as much as I adore him I think there are situations that he’d be a bit more colder towards, a bit more straightforward about. Maybe even like a bit insensitive about but maybe bc he doesn’t have the full picture or something. so I guess this is another warning but aizawa is a little insensitive in the beginning (but like not really but kinda. it’s complicated)
~
Rain pattered softly against the window. The smell of some old random Bath and Bodyworks candle you’d dug out from a box you’d never bothered to unpack smothered the room. Some Netflix show idly played on a low volume on your computer, you’d lost interest in watching tv awhile ago. You needed a break. After the eventful month you’d been having you really needed this. 
Now of course your whole year so far had been eventful. What with all the villain attacks on you and Shouta’s class and the kidnapping of one of your students, to just dealing with the more mundane problems with your students. No. You had no problem with that. The villains, although not easy, were something you were trained to handle. The smaller problems with your students weren’t arduous either, after all you weren’t too much older than them. 
When reflecting on your situation, from and outside perspective it could be seen as the straw the broke the camels back, which sure, makes sense. After all, you’re bound to be stressed out by everything else, so why would this seemingly insignificant thing weigh heavier than a villain attack? Well if that is the situation why does this single straw feel like it weighs a ton? This is not that. This is not culmination of the events of this year draining the life from you. This is something entirely different. A panic inducing life change that completely took you by surprise mixed with your inability to actually face your problems. 
You don’t blame them. You can’t. They’ve done nothing wrong. A child. A small, probably mentally scarred child is your problem. Well not her personally but the fear taking care of her instills in you. Despite working in the field that you do, you cannot for the life of you handle actual children. Sure you’re a little awkward with your class but at least they’re young adults and (vaguely) mature and independent to a certain extent. The fact that your long term boyfriend just came back one day, small child in tow and said “Hey I’ve gotta look after this one now” not verbatim obviously, for a lack of better words, fucked you up. He basically solo adopted a kid and, let’s be honest, he probably expected you to help out. But how could you? How could this man look at you and think “I want this person to help me raise an already fucked up child?” Ok sure, he doesn’t at first give off the “I’m totally father figure material” vibe but in the end he is extremely competent. You on the other hand, not so much.
You’d never been good with children. Tried your best to steer clear of them. Didn’t matter the place, didn’t matter who’s kid, you couldn’t handle them. You would just stand there, awkwardly, not entirely sure of what to do and petrified that there was the possibility of making some mistake which would upset the child and then oh wow look, your head got chopped right of your shoulders. That’s hyperbole of course but it does sum up the insurmountable fear that overcomes you whenever you have to deal with a child. So considering the fact that your long term boyfriend had suddenly decided to adopt and not at least warn you, didn’t sit right with you.
So, the best and most obvious choice, was to avoid your problem. Avoid Shouta, avoid Eri. Avoid the mention of them and you, avoid it all. And honestly you’d done pretty well so far. You were able to have as little contact with them as possible considering the close proximity of your living quarters in the teacher’s dorms. After all they were legally supposed to give you two separate rooms but you never actually used yours, well until now. You were living it up honestly. Did you feel awful? Of course. He is your boyfriend after all and you were sure Eri doesn’t deserve your cold shoulder but this is probably for the best. What could you offer her? You weren’t sure that you were a good role model for her or anyone for that matter. What did you know about raising kids? it’s not like you had parents to set a proper example for you. Of course they might have shown you what not to do but where do you go from there? Is shit like that really avoidable? You don’t want to be like them. You strive to be better but what if you can’t be. There’s also the added bonus of the fact that raising a kid seems taxing on a relationship. Now matter how strong you were sure that the stress of a kid could break a relationship down that then festers into something toxic and unrecognizable. You didn’t want that. God you couldn’t let that happen. No. This was definitely for the better.
Of course Aizawa didn’t feel the same. He was confused on why his partner had been so blatantly avoiding him. Did he do something wrong? He doesn’t remember doing anything that might’ve upset you. So why now? Why pull away now? He had to get down to the bottom of this but catching you was the hard part. You had been taking on more work, offering more assistance to the other teachers, picking up extra patrols, doing everything and anything to stay away from Shouta. It took him a month but he finally caught up to you. You were tired, worn out he knew that. Instead of loading yourself with work you’d decided to hole yourself up in your room. It was now or never.
You were pulled out of your peace at the sound of a few gentle knocks to your door. You really didn’t want to get it. You honestly couldn’t be bothered. 
“(N/n)? Are you in there?” He hadn’t gotten it wrong right? He hadn’t been too distracted earlier and missed you leaving right?
“What’s up?” You hummed from your place by the window, not bothering to actually open the door.
“Can I come in?” Shouta asked, voice soft. You could barely hear him above the patter of the rain and the low humming of your laptop.
“Uh, no, kinda busy. Got loads of work to do. Need to focus, sorry. Maybe later?” You hesitantly spoke. Not sure if you were convincing enough. 
Apparently you weren’t.
He sighed. “It’s been “later” for an entire month. Please (Y/n) just let me in. Whatever this is we can talk it out.” You had predicted that eventually Shouta would start to try to crack down on whatever the issue was but you didn’t expect it so soon. 
“Uh...no?” You tried, hoping that maybe he’d just give up but that wasn’t Shouta.
“No, you don’t get that option, now please, open the door.” Although it was still soft his voice had taken a more stern tone.
“Oh no I’m dead. I guess I can’t open the door. What a shame. I guess the only way to talk with me now is in the pits of hell.” You quipped, trying to lessen the tension that already ran thick.
“(Y/n).” Aizawa sighed.
“Jeez fine. Talk about pushy.” You quipped once more to no avail.
Opening the door you were met with, well exactly what you expected. He stood there, arms crossed, a stern yet gentle look in his eyes, his lips pulled into a slight frown. 
“Come in.” You mumbled as you stepped further into your room.
“So tell me. What’s wrong?” The sentence stirred so much. Of course you wanted to tell him. You wanted to spill your guts to the man you loved in hopes of comfort but you just can’t. You know you’ll just scare him off. You know you’ll make things worse.
So you stay silent.
He says nothing as he grabs your hands gently and leads you over to your bed. He sits the two of you down on the edge, muting the movie on the laptop sitting behind him.
“You know you can tell me if something’s bothering you right?” Shouta sent you a warm smile. 
You weren’t very comfortable with discussing your feelings sometimes, it mostly stemmed from the fact that you never really could discuss them with anyone growing up which made it harder to confide in anyone now, as at this point bottling things up was a habit. But this was also just something that you were sure that you couldn’t talk about.
Silence answered him once again.
Now he took sometime to think about his approach, think about what could’ve happened that made you pull away. What did he do that was different from his norm? He was genuinely stumped and the fact that you weren’t helping him confused him even more.
You decided to take this time to lament the situation too. What was he going to do? Should you actually tell him or play it off? If you play it off will he still insist that something is wrong? If you tell him will he leave you? If you don’t tell him will he leave you? You risked a glance at him, he was still deep in thought.
Why did you have to adopt this fucking kid without at least warning me?
“What?” Your head shot up at the sound of his shocked voice.
“What?” You asked, genuinely confused.
“Eri’s the problem...?” He spoke slowly, not entirely sure if he’d heard you right.
“Did I say that out loud?” You squeaked.
“I’m pretty sure you mumbled something along the lines of “why’d you have to adopt that fucking kid”.” Shouta said, unsure if he’d heard wrong. Wanting to have heard wrong.
“No no no no no no! It’s not like that! I mean it is like that but not like that!” You frantically waved your hands in hopes of defusing the situation.
The way he looked at you made you want to cry. You felt horrible. You felt like the biggest asshole in the world and, at this point you probably were. He looked at you with such a look of heartbreak and disappointment and confusion it made you sick to your stomach. You felt light-headed and started shaking. You were right. You were right. You were always right. God why did you have to be right! Why did you have to be like this? Scared of raising a fucking child! It was asinine and irrational and you could probably move past it  but thanks to your stupid fucking brain you just sealed your fate.
You scooted away from him still waving your hands frantically as no’s tumbled endlessly from your lips. You tried sputtering an apology, anything so that he wouldn’t look at you like that but nothing stuck. Nothing was comprehensible. Nothing worked. Nothing would work. Nothing will work. You were hopeless. It was hopeless. 
“If it isn’t like how it seems then tell it to me straight.” Shouta finally spoke up.
You took a second to come down from your panic. You steeled your nerves as much as possible before you spoke. 
“Um well, I have nothing against her it’s just that a little heads up would’ve been nice? I’m not all that great with kids so this is just kind of weird is all.” You were purposefully being vague in hopes that he’d understand what you meant and also maybe drop it.
“Not great with kids? You’re literally a teacher.” He pointed out.
“Yeah you know but she’s like a kid kid and let’s be honest I’m not too great with the students either.” You awkward laughed. So he wasn’t getting it.
“Wha-you’re fine with the students and I’m sure you’ll be fine with Eri, there was no reason to avoid me over this.” Shouta sighed. As good as he was with dealing with people, he was equally as shit. Or maybe it was just the fact that you gave him very little to work with. It was probably a bit of both. Still his dismissiveness was not helping you right now.
“No, no, no, no. I think I’ll stay here. Uh, good luck with your parenthood escapades and sorry to leave you high and dry like this but that’s going to have to be a no from me.” You rambled. He seemed to be getting a little tired of this.
“(Y/n) stop being irrational. She’s not even our kid I’m just looking after her for now. Why are you being difficult? I told you you were fine with the students and you’ll be fine with Eri, what else do you want to hear?” Shouta grumbled.
“Well uh I don’t know, uh...” You trailed off, this seemed to be going in a direction you really didn’t want it to go. A slight hostility settling in the air.
At your lack of a proper answer he clicked his tongue. He took a moment to reassess the situation. There had to be something he was missing. After all you were getting really worked up but if you weren’t going to talk to him there was nothing he could do. He shook his head before running a frustrated hand through his hair.
“(Y/n), please, please, just be honest with me. Whatever it is that’s bothering you, you can tell me. But I won’t be able to understand if you don’t.” Aizawa sighed, deciding that getting worked up about this was not the way to go, especially when you seemed to be especially distraught.
“Uh, god the thing is I don’t know entirely what to say to put the shitshow in my head into perspective.” You mumbled, trying desperately to figure out what to say that could clear the air but nothing seemed to be coherent enough.
“Take your time.” He decided that this was the best approach to things, making sure neither party got too worked up lest this turn into a fight.
The rain continued to patter softly against the window and your candle continued to burn an slightly off floral-ish scent.  A deafening silence hung in the air because even though he was being as patient as possible some of his frustration leaked through, it was bound to though so you couldn’t exactly blame him. After all, you were probably equally as frustrated with yourself too. 
“I’m just not good in a position like this. I’m not good with kids, especially someone like Eri who’s already so broken. You have that nurturing nature, it comes natural to you but I’m not on that level. I  don’t know the first thing about caring for a child let alone one as already traumatized as her. I’d fuck it up and only make things worse. I don’t want you to reassure me that I’ll be okay with her, I want you to understand that I’m not comfortable with this and that it might take me awhile to come around. I’m sure I sound like the biggest asshole ever but please understand that this just isn’t something I’m ready for.” You had rambled a bit, you were aware of that, but it was the only way that you could properly express your feelings without making things too complicated.
Aizawa said nothing. Trying to figure out how to go about things.
Was he upset? Yeah, you two, even after several long years of being together, hadn’t discussed moving forward in your relationship in depth. And if he’d tried you seemed content with the point you two were at so he left it be, no reason to try and move forward when what you had was already fine the way it was. But recently he’d been craving more. Some mornings, when he’d be the first to wake, he’d study your features in the soft light of the sunrise and wonder what it’d be like to properly settle down with you. Get married, start a family, all that jazz. He’d taken in Eri only because it was the most rational decision. His quirk would be good for quelling hers had it ever gotten out of hand. But it also seemed to quell his musings of something more with you. He had imagined you being a good parental figure for the little girl and it made his heart flutter and his stomach explode with butterflies. But now seeing that that wasn’t what you wanted and how you weren’t ready for it, it stung. But in the end, he loved you. He’d easily give his life for you. So, if that meant waiting he’d wait. He’d wait a million years if he had to. He could do it.
Once again he spoke,
“Take your time then. I can wait.”
Tagslist?: @captainchrisstan (I think you said you wanted to be tagged but I’m also just small brained lol If u didn’t want to and I misinterpreted things just let me know :) )
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redhoodieone · 3 years
Text
Hate You More Part 2
Hey!!! Here is Part 2! Hope you all like it because there WILL be a Part 3! And I didn’t actually plan that lol.
WARNINGS: Language. Masturbation. Sex Toy.
“Do you think she’ll really like it?”
Who is Jason talking about?
Is he talking about me? Is he actually trying to make up for what happened between us earlier? Is this his way of saying he’s sorry and that he doesn’t really hate me?
I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. The thought of Jason doing something nice for me makes me suddenly nervous.
What if he smiles at me? What if he hugs me? What if there’s a moment between us?
Just the thought of Jason being nice to me and the possibility of “anything” happening between us sends me into a panic state. I find myself running back up the stairs and slamming my bedroom door shut and locking myself in.
What should I do to prepare myself when I see Jason?
Hiding out in my bathroom that’s privately connected to my bedroom, I stare at my reflection in the elegant massive mirror and begin to list what I should do.
Brush my teeth? I’d definitely need my breath freshly mint just in case we talk very close.
I hastily grab my tooth brush and apply a significant amount of toothpaste just to fresh up my mouth. After the appropriate time of scrubbing my mouth clean, I rinse and spit out the excess fluids and stare back into the mirror.
Touch up my makeup? I could apply more black eyeliner and mascara to make my eyes pop.
After retouching my makeup, I decide to put on my favorite tinted lip balm that’ll make my lips kissable yet comfortable.
I realize then that I should change my outfit. I sigh happily after pulling on my red lady thong. Deciding to slip on my favorite black skinny jeans with the tears throughout my thighs and knees, and my “lucky” red and black sexy corset top. The reason why it’s lucky is because any guy who sees me in it always lets me have my way with him. I chuckle to myself as I put on my black high heel boots because I can only imagine what Jason’s face will look like.
I hope he’ll be shocked as hell. Picturing his mouth hanging open like a cartoon’s and seeing the lustful look in his eyes sends a shiver down my spine.
I then make sure my push up bra makes my cleavage look so fucking amazing, I straighten my long hair and leave it down because I definitely have a hair pulling kink and it’s something I take very seriously.
After the spritz of my go-to hookup perfume, Oud Wood by Tom Ford, I realize I’m at my 150% best and make my way down the stairs. The second I make it to the sliding door leading to the backyard, I freeze.
And then suddenly, I’m hit with a wave of shyness; a feeling I’ve never really felt before. But why the fuck would I feel nervous about around Jason? Because come on—I HATE the fucking guy!!!
The little voice in my mind throws it’s head back and laughs in a tormenting manner at me: because you have feelings for him, you jackass!
No. No, I don’t. I’m not stupid enough to believe that. I should just go outside and see if the fool even flirts with me, because if he does, I can just laugh at him and make him feel like shit.
With one deep breath, I open the sliding door and slip silently outside. The backyard is lit up in a blue hue from the pool and jacuzzi. It’s a beautiful setting, I won’t admit that out loud. I look around and realize Jason isn’t where he was before.
Where the fuck is he?
A wolf whistle behind me alerts me fast.
“Fuck...holy shit. Is today my birthday?”
Spinning around, I’m face to face with a smug looking Jason. I may be frozen in place but I can see that he doesn’t hide the fact that he’s checking me out; like a hunter sneaking up on its prey. Jason licks his bottom lip and winks at me.
“So, what brings you down here looking like...that?” Jason teases.
Why the hell is he making me so nervous?! Out of all the other horrible times we’ve had, I’ve never felt so anxious to tell him to fuck off, but here I am! Standing like an idiot who can’t open her mouth and speak like a normal person!
I find myself pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. Fuck my life. “I...I saw your peace offering. I-I figured if you want to try to play nice that maybe I...I could too.”
There. I said it. Now that wasn’t so hard, right?
Jason stares down at me in surprise. His green eyes so wide and maddening that I find it difficult as hell to breathe. Slowly inhaling some air, I smile at him.
“I saw you got pizza. You also set out my favorite drink. You did all that, right?” I ask, pointing back at the mansion.
“I-uh...I did but-”
“Jaybird?”
We both whip around and see Isabel standing behind him. Isabel Ardila, one of Jason’s many one night stands. My eyes trail down from her curly blonde hair down to her skimpy purple dress with her huge tits practically falling out.
She pouts her pink full lips and flirts at him with her pretty blue eyes.
“Isabel...what-what are you doing here?” Jason stammers out. He instantly looks stunned as if he really wasn’t expecting her to come over.
“It’s a slow boring night. I thought we could hit up one of your dad’s nightclubs and have some fun,” Isabel says, and approaches us. She has a few inches above me, and looks down at me with a smirk. “Look at you all dressed up so sexy tonight, and for Jason...”
I frown and look between Jason and her.
“He is your brother, you know?”
Isabel cringes and grabs Jason’s arm tightly. “Please tell me nothing is going on between you and your sister. That is sooo disgusting!”
I look to Jason and plead with him through our eye contact to say something. Say anything to her! I know Isabel’s right, and that Jason is my brother but he’s also my stepbrother. I also want him to admit that I’m not the only one who is flirting between us...if that’s what we’re even calling it.
I can’t be the only one who has feelings right now. Jason must have them, too.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Of course I don’t have feelings for her! Y/N, you’re my fucking sister, and I think it’s gross as fuck that you’re trying to fuck me. I mean, God damn! We’re family!” Jason taunts. He acts repulsed and pretends to puke in front of me.
Isabel giggles and the two of them laugh their asses off at me. Don’t get me wrong. There is a questionable amount of pain in my chest at what Jason said, but my inner bitch is clawing her way out of my head and I may or may not be responsible for whatever happens right now.
“That’s a bit rich coming from you, Jason. As of this morning, you’ve made it perfectly clear that I’m not in your family. So, if we’re not family, then we’re nothing to each other,” I say with a bitchy grin.
Jason and Isabel aren’t laughing anymore. As a matter of fact, they’re completely shocked at me.
“Oh, and for the record Isabel, there’s absolutely NOTHING going on between Jason and me. I know he’s my brother. I’m not even denying that. But as for him,” I say, gesturing over to Jason, who is staring me down hard. “He doesn’t see me a sister. If anything, he might want to fuck me. He’s completely obsessed with making me hear him fuck other girls. His behavior is disgusting because he’s supposed to be my brother! What he’s trying to do to me is borderline illegal!”
Isabel jerks her head over to Jason. “What is she talking about, Jason?!”
“Go on, Jay. Tell her. Tell her how you always stare at me, tease me, and how you’re always talking about sex with me!” I urge him angrily.
Jason’s eyes darken and for a second, I’m kinda scared of him. He clenches his jaw. “I rather get castrated by the Joker, than ever fuck you, princess.”
It’s like everything around me freezes. My smile shifts into a frown and my confidence is taken away fast like a toy from an adult. Isabel scoffs and shakes her head at me. My cheeks burn with humiliation and I just know I won’t hear the end of this from either of them, especially Jason.
I don’t know whether I’m more embarrassed of the fact that Jason claims he rather get castrated from the Joker, the psychotic clown villain in Gotham than have sex me, or if the thought of having sex with me in general is just so...unbearable.
I didn’t think I was so unfuckable until now.
“That’s fine with me. I rather fuck Dick than you, because he’s Bruce’s favorite son and he’s more of a man than you’ll ever be,” I spit out before turning to run back into the mansion.
——————————————————————————
I slam my bedroom door again for the second time today, but I don’t care. Rage is fucking pumping through my blood and I need a fucking release before I lose control.
Ripping off my clothes until I’m down to my lacy bra and thong, I climb up my big bed and reach into my nightstand to get my dildo and lube out. The thick, veiny replica of a man’s penis is what I’ll have to take out my frustrations on.
I throw myself down; my head hitting the pillow and my hair fanned out around me in a sexy manner as if I’m ready to get my brains fucked out. Popping open the lube, I squeeze a good amount in my hand to smooth it over my dildo. Tossing the lube somewhere on my bed, I pull my thong to the side to reveal my bare pussy.
My fingertips rub up and down my folds. I’m so wet that I know I can slip a finger or two in without any resistance.
“I fucking hate him so much,” I mutter under my breath.
Jason is literally the only guy who could piss me off and make me want to fuck him into submission.
Maybe he could even fuck me until I’m down on my knees for him.
Closing my eyes, I start to push my dildo into me. My walls squeeze around the toy tightly as I gasp at how good it feels to be full.
“Fuck...” I choke out in overwhelming pleasure.
“Fuck princess...”
My eyes shoot open and I’m completely horrified to discover Jason Fucking Todd is standing in MY bedroom, with his mouth hanging open in shock and with wide eyes, and his Fucking hand rubbing against his prominent bulge.
“Jason...what are you doing in my room?” I struggle to say, as I continue to push and pull my dildo in and out of my pussy fast. I just can’t stop. I can’t find it in me to stop when Jason is in my room watching me.
He quickly closes my bedroom door with his foot and makes his way towards my bed to stand directly in front of me. I use my other hand to caress my tits that I so badly want to free from my bra.
“I came to tell you I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N,” Jason begins but trails off when he watches intently when I pull out the dildo and he can see all my slick coated on the sex toy. He licks his bottom lip and bites it. “You’re right though. I don’t see you as a sister or a part of this family because the way I feel for you isn’t the way a brother should feel. I-I never meant to hurt your feelings. I just...I tried so hard to not to fucking fall for you but I did and I can’t stop.”
I look up and notice Jason’s eyes are wet. Despite his usual cocky behavior and sexual advances, he was standing here before me and he appears to regret everything.
I sit up and lean back on my elbows. I drop the dildo in between my open thighs and I force myself to look up at Jason. I expected to see him staring at my obvious insanely wet pussy but his beautiful emerald green eyes were locked on my eyes.
“I really thought you hated me,” I whisper, afraid to hear what Jason says that might hurt me again.
“Oh sweetheart, I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. The only person I hate is myself, and that is something I’ve been doing for most of my fucking life,” Jason admits. He tries to smile but it falls when he sees I’m not.
Jason crawls onto my bed and stops as soon as he’s in front of my legs. He’s immediately nervous; his shaky hands run up my knees and stops until he reaches my closed thighs. He keeps his eyes on me.
“Listen to me, Y/N. You’re right. I’m a fucking asshole. I’m always a dick to you and that isn’t right. I’m sorry for everything I’ve said and done to you, and I know sorry won’t even make up for all the hurt I’ve caused you. Just...please,” he whispers and reaches for my hands. He holds them tightly. “Please give me a chance to show you how much you really mean to me. One chance. Please?”
I know our fight is both our faults, and if one chance can fix this, I’m game.
“Okay, you get one chance Jay,” I say and with an evil smirk that I can’t help, I open my thighs and I pat my pussy. “You want a chance? Make me cum. With your fingers. With your mouth. If you can make me cum so hard, you can do whatever you want to my body.”
Jason’s eyes darken with lust. He licks his lips and he gives me his usual shit eating grin. “Oh princess, you are aware of my oral fixation for pussies don’t you? I’m going to make you cum so hard that you’ll be begging to be mine!”
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annab-nana · 3 years
Text
One Love, Two Mouths - Sarah Cameron
Now that your close friends and family know, you had to keep up the lie that it was Scarlet you were after when really it was her best friend your eyes were on and being at a New Year’s Eve party with her there proved to be harder than you had anticipated.
A/N: This is the second part to Sweater Weather so make sure you have read that already if you haven’t :)
Warnings: some curse words; mentions of alcohol and drinking 
Word Count: 3.5k+
--------------------------------------------------
<- Part 1
It would not be you and Rafe if you both hadn’t woken up in the middle of the afternoon after staying up way too late watching movies and joking around. When you felt something blowing in your face, you opened your eyes to see how seriously close Rafe’s face was to your own.
“Rafe,” you mumbled, shaking his body lightly with your hand on his shoulder. “Scoot the fuck back.” You would have moved him yourself, but he was much larger and if you pushed against him, you were sure you would end up pushing yourself off the bed considering how little room he had provided you.
“Whaaa?” he dragged out as he barely moved and kept his eyes closed. You went against your better judgment and tried to push him yourself, but you should’ve listened to yourself. He did not move an inch, but you overestimated the amount of space you had on your side of the bed and felt the mattress slip from beneath you. Your arms reached out to grab onto something, anything, but they caught nothing, and you landed on the ground with a thud.
“Ow,” you muttered before Rafe’s head shot up from the pillow he was just drooling on.
“Why are you on the floor?” he inquired as your eyes rolled at the boy.
“Because you are a bed hog and when you didn’t move when I asked, I tried to move you myself which got me here,” you told him while you two stared at each other for a moment before bursting into a fit of giggles together.
“Are-are-are you okay?” he breathed through his laughs while he lent you a hand to help you out. You took his hand in yours and let him lift you up before you sat down on the side of the bed you just woke up from.
“Yes, just don’t sleep all crazy and we’ll be good,” you said as your laughter died down. When you looked over at him, you still noticed the saliva slipping down his face.
“You need to do something about that,” you told him, pointing towards the drool. His hand came up to his face, effectively wiping it away before he attempted to wipe it off on you. Your movements were quicker than his and you managed to grab his wrist before it met your skin.
“I don’t think so,” you warned while your other hand reached to grab a tissue from his bedside table and cleaned the slobber off with it. Rafe chuckled at you when he leaned back on the pillows while you tossed the tissue in the trash can.
“Are you getting ready here or at your place?” the Cameron boy questioned before he reached over to grab his phone and check the time, his practically bulging out of their sockets at the sight of it being nearly three in the afternoon. You laughed at his expression as you picked up your own cellular device.
“Probably my place. What about you and the other two dorks?” His face showed mock hurt, causing your giggles to increase.
“I don’t about Topper and Kelce, but I’ll probably get ready here because I have to help Sarah prepare for the party. You gonna get some chips, right?” the blond told you while he rubbed at his eyes a little and sat up again. Tonight was the New Year’s Eve party that Scarlet normally threw, but since her parents decided not to go on their annual ski trip and Ward and Rose were on a work trip, Sarah suggested they have it here. All it took was a little convincing to get Wheezie to spend the night with a friend and the house was free.
“Yep, I should probably get going anyway. I gotta shower and do other things as well,” you informed the boy as you rose from your spot next to him and slipped on your shoes. You saw yourself in the reflection of his mirror, wearing some pajama shorts, an oversized shirt that you had stolen from Kelce a few months ago, and your old beat-up converse. Your hair was a knotted mess from the particularly good sleep you had gotten, but at the moment you didn’t care. In your opinion, it completed the hot mess look you appeared to be going for.
“Okay well, be here at like nine to help me clean up and shit. Sarah is gonna be on my ass and I can’t handle her like you do. You have this like magic touch when it comes to her.” He did not know it, but his words caused your cheeks to heat up. You took pride in being able to read and understand his sister very well. Of course, it was because you basically studied the girl, you were in love with her.
“Hey, also Scarlet is coming tonight so we might can get you in with her,” Rafe shot you a wink after speaking. You rolled your eyes at him, knowing all three of them were going to be pushing you towards the girl. Scarlet was nice and all, but she was not Sarah.
“I don’t want to start the new year like that. I want to start like I do every year, with my boys, okay?” Rafe nodded with a grin that told you he heard you but would not be listening at all. “Rafe, I’m serious,” you warned in a low tone while stepping back towards the door.
“Me too, y/n. You need to get out there!” he shouted as you slammed the door shut behind you before leaning against it, a small chuckle falling past your lips.
“Get out there? Y/n, are you finally dumping those bozos and finding a real man?” the voice that made your knees weak and your heart stop asked from beside you. You gasped, the girl’s presence scaring you a bit.
“Jesus, Sarah,” you muttered when your hand flew to your chest. She giggled at you, the melodious sound flowing through your ears like angelic music. Everything about her, especially that cute smile of hers, had you so captivated by her. You needed to leave soon before you made a damn fool of yourself or worse, Rafe came out and found out that you were crushing on his sibling.
“Sorry, y/n,” she laughed, her hand clasping on your shoulder, “but seriously, are you getting out there tonight? Scarlet and I made sure to invite some pretty hot guys to the party.” You haven’t told her about your sexuality yet. The only people who knew were Rafe, Topper, Kelce, and your family. You were planning on telling her, but you didn’t know when.
“Um, that’s nice Sarah, but I kinda wanna lay low tonight and just drink with the guys,” you told her honestly as you had just told her older brother. You didn’t plan on having the two eldest Camerons pushing you to take a shot at someone tonight.
“Oh, come on y/n. Live a little,” she whined before shooting you a wink and backing away towards her room.
“I might,” you called out as she retreated past the doorway. Once she was gone, you let out a sigh and skipped down the steps to go out to your car.
It did not feel like hours had passed since you were last at Tannyhill, but it had been. You had gone home, showered, got ready for the party, stopped at the store to get those chips Rafe asked you to pick up along with some other things that you knew he probably forgot to get that Sarah wanted him to get, and made it back to the Cameron estate in a rather good time frame. It was 8:30, thirty minutes before Rafe had asked you to be there and when he saw you walk in, his face flooded with relief.
“Y/n!” he shouted before rushing to you to help with the bags you were holding. His eyes dropped from yours for a moment to look you over, a smirk growing on his face. “You look good. Is this for Scarlet?” He couldn’t help but tease you.
“No this is for me, asshole,” you huffed while shoving his shoulder with your now free arm. He wasn’t lying though. You did look good. Your makeup and hair looked flawless. You wore your ripped jeans and a nice flowy tank, the colors complimenting your skin wonderfully. You looked amazing and there was no denying it. It wasn’t for Scarlet though. It was mainly for you and a little bit for Sarah, even though you were sure she wouldn’t spare you a glance.
“Y/n! You look beautiful!” Okay, maybe she’d glance at you, but it wasn’t the way you wanted her to look at you. The compliment coming from her made your heart soar to the sky and flutter like a butterfly. Your cheeks burned at her words as you nodded at her.
“Thank you, Sarah! You don’t look too bad yourself.” She only had her hair and makeup done, still wearing her t-shirt and shorts you saw her in earlier, but to you, she looked ethereal. She was an angel, a goddess, a princess in your eyes. Sarah blushed at your words before looking down at her feet.
“Thank you, y/n! You are way too nice to be friends with him,” she commented, earning a ‘hey!’ from Rafe as you two giggled at it.
“Let’s go take this to the kitchen,” Rafe reminded you and you nodded at him before waving at Sarah and following him to the counter where all the food and drinks sat.
“So, I got the chips you asked for and some more different kinds, then I got some drinks, alcoholic and non-alcoholic, and the stuff to make some dip and punch,” you informed him while unloading the bags.
“Jesus, y/n. I only asked for chips,” he chuckled while scratching at the back of his head.
“Yeah, I know, but Sarah asked you to get the drinks and I can see you didn’t,” you told him while you looked around for them, but they were nowhere in sight.
“I was gonna get Topper to get them before he came but now, I don’t have to,” he laughed at your preparedness.
“Then I know you three like that beefy cheese dip thing that I make, and I know Sarah likes punch, so I decided to get stuff to make them both.”
“Okay, do you need help with anything?” Rafe asked, feeling a little bad that you had to do his job.
“Not right now. Go ask Sarah if she needs help with anything because I’m sure she’s probably lost her mind planning this thing,” you offered. He nodded before leaving you in the kitchen to get to making stuff. Having basically grown up there, you knew where everything was, so you got to work on it all.
Around two hours later, people started arriving and the party commenced. Kelce hung out in the kitchen with you, and by hung out, he sat on the counter next to you and went to town on the dip that sat between you both. You were about to hop off to get yourself a refill, but you saw Topper and Rafe walk in and asked Topper to get you some more, which he gladly did.
“Thanks, Top,” you smiled at the boy when he handed you your beverage back. He gave you a nod before standing next to you as Rafe did the same next to Kelce.
“Pass me some chips, bro,” Topper asked Kelce while both Rafe and Kelce had a hand in the bag already.
“I got more over there,” you reminded the boys who left Kelce’s bag alone and went to get their own. Your eyes fell back on the girl you had been staring at all night. The way her brown eyes shined and her lips curved up into that gorgeous grin made you fall harder for her. You watched her throw her head back in laughter, you dying to be the one to make her laugh like that, but for now, you settled on just watching it from afar.
“You are staring at Scarlet,” Rafe teased you while dipping his chip into the bowl beside you. You rolled your eyes at him before Kelce spoke up.
“She’s been looking over there all night.” You looked back over to Sarah and Scarlet was in fact next to her. You had not noticed, your eyes obviously trained on someone else, but staring at Scarlet was a better cover story anyway.
“N-no,” you stuttered, a tell-tale sign that you were caught. The trio chorused in laughter, all knowing that you were lying. “Fine, I was looking over there a little.”
“More like a lot, y/n/n,” Topper grinned while looking over to the girl they thought your eyes were glued to.
“I told you, y/n. Just make a move tonight. Get your first girl. Do you know how exciting that will be?” Does he know how exciting it will be if you get the girl of your dreams? Not her best friend that they thought you were infatuated with.
“Rafe, I told you I want to spend New Year’s Eve with you guys, not pining over a girl who will probably never feel the same. No one else even knows I’m into girls besides you three and my family. That’s it and I don’t want to tell anyone else for now.” Your eyes found the girl again, but now she wasn’t with Scarlet at all. She was with some guy, probably one of the hot guys she mentioned inviting earlier, and he had his hand on her arm slowly sliding it down until he found her waist.
It shouldn’t have bothered you. You weren’t together. You weren’t even talking. To Sarah, you two weren’t even a possibility, but it hurt a little. It stung to see her with someone else. You felt your eyes begin to water but you blinked any tears that dared to show themselves away.
“Uh, I’m gonna go outside and get some fresh air,” you mumbled to the three that sat around you before hopping off the countertop and slipping through people until you found the back door and walked out of it. The three boys looked at each other in confusion, all of them clearly sensing that you were upset about something.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have teased her about the Scarlet thing?” Rafe spoke, now feeling incredibly guilty. You and him teased each other all the time, so he saw no harm in it, but now he felt like he had crossed a line with you.
“Or maybe Scarlet wasn’t the problem at all,” Kelce wondered out loud, the puzzle pieces fitting together perfectly in his head. Rafe and Topper unfortunately were not picking up what he was putting down, so the boy rolled his eyes before explaining. “She was looking at Sarah and Scarlet, right? Well, when Scarlet was gone and Sarah was over there alone with a guy, y/n got upset so…”
“She likes Sarah,” Topper finished Kelce’s sentence. “She probably didn’t want to tell you because that’s your sister.”
“And your ex,” Rafe reminded him. Rafe did not care if you liked Sarah. He only cared that you were happy and if that meant you were with his sister, then that was fine. You were basically family already so might as well actually become it.
“Rafe, that was forever ago, and I don’t care if she likes Sarah,” Topper told him.
“I don’t either,” Rafe stated.
“Well, we should tell her it’s okay if she likes Sarah,” Topper suggested while Rafe nodded at him, them both setting their chip bags down and about to leave before Kelce stopped them.
“I think she’s beating you to it,” he said while nodding towards the blonde girl who walked out the door. “Let’s give them a moment.”
Sarah saw you walk out and having grown up around you and you being the only other girl she could really trust, she knew something was wrong with you. She assumed it was something the guys had said as a joke, but she knew you and she knew that you would shoot them right back with some sarcasm or a witty comeback when they did something like that. She knew that something had to really be bothering you for you to excuse yourself and it worried her.
Sarah saw you standing out by the water. You had taken your sandals off and held them in your hand as you stared out at the moon’s reflection on the water’s surface. The wind blew your hair to the side softly and the moonlight shone on your face perfectly. You glowed, looking as beautiful as ever and the sight caused a feeling in Sarah that she had never felt about you before and she liked it.
“Y/n?” she called out when she had gotten closer to you. You almost did not notice her. You originally thought the footsteps you heard were Rafe’s, but they were actually Sarah’s. You smiled at her when another gust of wind came your way, causing you to shiver. You mentally cursed yourself for wearing what you had chosen as it did not help you in the cold at all.
“Come here,” Sarah mumbled when she stood behind you. She wore a large cardigan, one you were quite envious of at the moment before grabbing your wrists when you turned to her. Your eyebrows drew together when she linked your hands together behind her back underneath the sweater material, but you already felt much warmer. She took the sides of the cardigan in her hands and brought them together at the small of your back so that you both were now wrapped up in the warmth of the cardigan and each other.
“Thanks, Sarah,” you sighed in relief while your head rested on her shoulder as did hers on yours.
“So, what’s got you so upset?”
“How did you know I was upset?” you questioned her before she laughed.
“Y/n, I know you. I could tell and you always come to look at the water when something’s bothering you so what is it?” she inquired when she pulled away to look at you. Now was the best time to tell her about it so you did.
“I’m bi,” you told her confidently. You felt wonderful telling her, but also a bit of nervousness came with the confession since she was the first female friend that you had told. All that nervousness disappeared in an instant though when you caught sight of that beautiful smile of hers.
“I’m glad you finally realized,” she chuckled a bit while your eyes widened. “What? You think I didn’t know. I used to see how you looked at Kie a few years ago.”
“I don’t like Kiara anymore,” you mumbled, “and I don’t like Scarlet either despite what the guys think so if you hear that, it’s false.”
“Well, who do you like?” You wanted to scream from the rooftops that it was her that you liked but you could not do that, could you? Her big brown eyes sparkled at you as she awaited your response. Tell her something, anything at this point.
“I- uh,” you stumbled with your words a bit as you heard the people inside begin counting down from ten. “It’s um, you. Damn it, it’s you that I like,” you started as you stepped back from her and her embrace, back into the unrelenting cold while the chanting of numbers rung from the house. “I’m sorry if this makes you feel weird or something,” five, “I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” four,” I still want to be your friend,” three, “and hopefully you want to be mine,“ two, “I’ve messed everything up, haven’t I?” one.
“Shut up,” Sarah whispered before her hands cupped your face and pulled you closer to hers. The moment you had been dreaming of for quite some time now was happening. Your dream was coming true as you felt her lips connect with hers. Your eyes widened and you took in a sharp breath before you melted into her, your arms wrapping around her neck while hers fell to your waist. You heard the shouts coming from inside her home as everyone celebrated the new year, but in your mind, you were screaming in excitement about how you were starting your new year.
After some time, you both had to pull away for some air. Your eyes darted between her own before they glanced down at her swollen reddened lips and then came back up to her eyes.
“Sarah,” you sighed. It did not feel real. It felt real, but at the same time, it didn’t. Something was up. This couldn’t be true. The universe didn’t work like that. It normally gave you the shit end of the stick and now your dream was coming true.
“Y/n, I like you. I didn’t realize until just a few moments ago, but now I know, and I want to be with you,” she confessed to you. Your lips tugged upwards in a wide grin as you soaked in the moment.
“Really?” you asked, your mind still telling you this was all fake and would end soon. Sarah bit her bottom lip before nodding her head at you. “Then let’s be together.”
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You guys have been gloomy for a while now, so I thought it is a good time to share the chapter that I have just finished,
You can read the chapter here or on AO3
This is the 7th out of 8 chapters.
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Hange rested her tense body on the little sofa out of Levi's room; She wanted to remain close to him without disturbing his sleep. After he dried her hair and gave her something of her clothes to wear, he decided to sleep again; Hange touched the shirt she was wearing and smiled fondly, Levi kept some of her clothes without explaining his reason. He blushed furiously as if the fever came back again but Hange knew that this is how he looks whenever his real kind sweet personality was exposed. He wanted to keep something of her belongings for himself to soothe his longing broken heart. Hange whispered: I wish I knew about your feelings earlier Levi...I regret every day I passed struggling with my feelings towards you, hiding it so that they won't push you away...If only... -Hange! Hange raised her head towards the familiar voice: Yes Levi? The annoyed questioning voice asked: What the hell are you doing outside shitty glasses? She got up and stood at his door: I was going to sleep, Levi! -There is only one bed in my house. where did you plan to sleep when I am sleeping on it? -The sofa outside your room is good enough. -Tch! Levi moved further to the side of the bed leaving a good space for Hange and said in a soft yet commanding tone: Come... Hange blinked for a few seconds: Huh? -It is cold shitty glasses! do you want to fall sick too? Hange could not find a proper response since she was clearly surprised by the offer. -Do you want me to force you? I might be sick but I still can force your ass to the bed. Her ears twitched and her tail stood suddenly as Hange answered: You don't have to, I want you to rest, don't worry about me...I am not even cold, it is really warm now. Levi was the one who blinked in surprise this time: warm? late at night? Hange gave up since she knew Levi wouldn't sleep if she didn't. -Come closer, shitty glasses! and be careful with your tail... -Ah...yes...thanks Levi for taking care of my...tail... -You washed your teeth?  -Yes, I found the spare you told me about. -Good, now shut up and let's sleep. Despite the awkward situation, Hange was happy; shy, and embarrassed but happy especially when Levi tightened his embrace and rested his head on her chest. She could not resist ruffling his soft hair while listening to his peaceful breath and heartbeat... These extra sensitive senses were not that bad after all, they enabled her to feel him more than she ever could or hoped in the past. His intoxicating scent... His breath... His heartbeat... The touch and warmth of his skin... Her senses kept learning everything they could about Levi hungrily as if her brain decided to engrave him in her memory... Now she can sense him in many ways no matter how far he was. Her body familiarized itself with his fast that it startled Hange how much she enjoyed feeling Levi's presence. She looked at his sleeping innocent features and covered her face with the other free hand: Oh god...That's impossible!
The next morning was noisier than usual for Hange or maybe it was her sharp hearing that made it different. She opened her eyes and looked around for a minute then at Levi who was still sleeping deeply on her chest. She didn't have it in her to wake him up. Although she felt hotter than usual and needed a moment alone to regain control over her heightened senses, she could not interrupt this rare blissful scene so, she waited for Levi to wake up on his own while touching his forehead to see if he was still feverish. His eyes fluttered after the third time and said in a sleepy grumpy voice: I am still sleeping..stay still... Hange laughed and teased him: You have never been this lazy Levi! -Why should I leave the bed early If I am enjoying my time on it? Hange's eyes widened as soon as she heard Levi's surprising answer, she instantly touched his forehead again but she could not sense yesterday's fever. Did he just flirt with her when he was fully aware of what he said? Levi who looked as normal and indifferent as usual stayed in the same position for another half an hour until he let her go. Hange, on the other hand, was an increasingly hot mess of emotions, strange feelings, and heightened senses. It was beyond her ability to comprehend what the reason was for these sudden intense changes. When she went to the bathroom and locked the door, it was her first time to be alone. She needed to sort out her feelings after the last two eventful nights; she never expected to worry about such weird ideas and feelings at the moment instead of worrying about understanding what she became better and how she should live from now on. All her thoughts were about Levi. She felt as if every cell in her body calling him. Longing for his touch. Hungry for his presence and warmth. She can feel it stronger than any time in the past, she can barely control herself around him now. Once again she covered her face and whispered: keep your shit together Hange, he is your boyfriend now but, show some dignity and discipline for god's sake. Hange got up and looked at her reflection in the small mirror and said: You are still a soldier Hange Zoe...You can do it...You must do it or you would never be able to face Levi ever again if you let your feelings out in the open. -Oi! shitty glasses! Levi's strong voice showed that he has regained his energy fully but more importantly it startled Hange wand made her step with all her weight on the new sensitive part of her body. -Meeeeeeeeeeoooooooooow She could not hold the weird cat-like scream that startled her even more as she noticed it while Levi banging on the door: Oi! Hange! what happened? She managed to open the door holding her tail like a guilty child with teary eyes: I stepped on it again... Levi's eyes reflected a clear desire to soothe her mixed with a sincere effort not to smile at the innocent unusual expression on Hange's face. -Hold it carefully and sit there, I will be back. still, in pain, Hange asked: where are you going, Levi? Levi didn't answer her, instead, he brought a towel soaked in cold water and kneeled in front of her: where does it hurt? Hange took a deep breath trying to remain in control: the end of it... Levi caught it with obvious care and wrapped the hurt part with the cold towel while muttering: I think it is not different from bruised flesh, it will ease the pain at least. He looked at Hange and scolded her: I told you to be careful with it and pay attention to your new condition, didn't I?  Hange nodded quietly agreeing with him. Levi sighed: Fine...Stay here, I will go prepare the breakfast. -Are you feeling better? -Yes, worry about your tail before I hang you from it. Hange screamed: That's cruel Levi! His voice came from the kitchen: Then stay where you are and stop hurting yourself shitty glasses. Not so far from her, A familiar notebook lied on the small table. -Levi? -What? -Did you read my notebook? There was short silence then Levi's answer followed: We read it together shitty glasses...You were the one who brought it in the first place. A quick distorted memory came to her suddenly. Her animal form seeing Moblit's face then Levi's face in her lab. She smiled to herself: I guess some things never change.
Levi was happy! He didn't even try to deny his feelings this time. Although words were never his strong point, he made sure to make up for it with actions, the sweetest, most caring, and warmest ones. He noticed the strong cat-like tendencies that Hange showed. A rare smile made its way to his face as he remembers what happened in the last two days. Hange gave him unmatched happiness that he hasn't felt for so long whether, in her animal form or the current one, she brought a very old side of him that was buried with his mother's corpse. The excitement he felt to learn more about Hange. The motivation to support her and help her to understand herself better. The sheer joy of having her beside him. If only he was good with words... He would have told Hange what she meant to him...but actions are not bad too. He looked at the grand feast he prepared for Hange and started taking the plates to the table where she was sitting. He almost dropped the plates when he saw Hange. -What the hell do you think you are doing shitty glasses? Hange answered him immediately: It is too warm now, I feel hot so I took off the sweater. Her attractive slim body looked even more feminine in the light shirt with the first 3 buttons opened revealing an even more beautiful sight. Levi clenched his fists trying to control himself: at least button your shirt shitty glasses, it is not that hot! Levi went back to the kitchen to bring the rest of the meal. He muttered angrily: Damn it shitty glasses! you make it harder for me to control myself. He took a moment to regain his indifferent expression: Be patient Levi! Don't scare her...I bet she doesn't even expect you to think about this stuff.
Meanwhile, Hange was keeping herself busy by reading her notebook. She was distracting herself from sensing Levi more. She wanted to remember how she turned herself into how she is now. She was reading the dates and entries until she noticed after doing some math that it was February! She knew what February means to a cat... Hange understood the reason why she can barely remain in control around Levi... It was natural! Levi is her chosen mate, he has always been and will always be. Her newly expressed feelings made her more emotional. Her cat-like nature added more to the chaos she felt. It is the mating season for a big part of her and both of her mind and body were set on one man but the real question here is, will she ever find the courage to do it?
-Oi! Levi's call brought Hange back to reality: Breakfast is ready!  The food smelled great, she remembered that she didn't have a decent meal for a long time. Her sharp senses made it more difficult to resist the tasty dishes.
-Levi? Are you in there? -Levi...Are you alright? Levi and Hange knew the voices instantly! They exchanged a brief terrified look then Levi grabbed a small pie and pushed it in Hange's mouth: Go hide in the bedroom. -Baa Ia shtih hungwy -I don't understand and don't talk with your mouth full, it is fucking disgusting. Levi pushed her into his bedroom and closed the door before he went to answer the two men who were calling his name for the last 2 minutes. -It is too damn early for this noise...What do you want? Mike looked sincerely happy seeing Levi being his usual self: we missed you, little man! Erwin confirmed with his usual elegant friendly smile: What happened, Levi? I thought you were taking the last two days off but your squad said that they don't where you were as well. Levi was touched by his friends' concern but losing his first normal breakfast with Hange as a boyfriend and girlfriend was hard to overcome.
He no longer could resist the guilt so he gave in: Come in... Erwin and Mike came inside as soon as Levi opened the door wider allowing them inside. -What a glorious feast Levi! were you hosting guests? Levi swallowed his grudge slowly and answered: I was sick, I had a high fever and needed to rest longer than I expected. Levi answered Erwin's question hoping that he will drop it but Mike took over: but that doesn't explain why did you prepare that much food, Levi! -Because I am fucking starving Mike! I haven't eaten a decent meal for days! Mike gave him his sweetest smile: Can I have some? Levi struggled to contain his disappointment... He planned to share the food he put his heart and love in with his loved one not with two giant men. Not with the two who destroyed his first date to be more specific. -stuff your face, I won't stop you... -Thanks, Levi Erwin's voice followed Mike's asking for Levi's permission as he was taking a seat at the table already: Do you mind if I join Mike, Levi? Levi needed another moment to overcome his anger: Go ahead eyebrows. The two of them started devouring the breakfast, they kept admiring how each dish tasted while Levi was watching them fuming silently. Erwin swallowed the big bite from his pie and asked Levi: come on Levi, join us! it is your food and your house after all. Another silent angry look. Levi blurted out the question he held for a few minutes: why did you even come both of you? -We were worried Levi, we came to check on you! -I am fine, the fever is gone and I will go to work tomorrow as usual. Erwin nodded happily: this is great Levi! -So you know now I am fine, what else do you want? Mike answered innocently: your company, little man...we missed you. -Don't you have damn work to do? -We took the day off, we have been working for the last 3 weeks without any breaks and we decided to spend the whole day with you. Erwin nodded in agreement while he was still chewing his food elegantly and quietly. Levi was about to give another comeback but a weird noise interrupted their conversation. Erwin was the first one to speak: it came from your room, Levi! Mike acted faster than both of them when he opened Levi's bedroom door with a tense face
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fangirlovestuff · 3 years
Text
Table For Two - Natasha Romanoff x avenger!reader
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a/n- hey lovely people!! this is a part two for A Thin Line, inspired by a lovely comment from @captain-josslett (yes, i didn’t forget!). thank you so much for all the love on a thin line!! (very rushed proofreading on this one, sorry for any mistakes!) italics are for thoughts and bold is for text messeges, divider is by @firefly-graphics. Enjoy!!<3
Summary: You and Natasha now have a week off. Here are three dates you go on to make the best of that time:)
Word count: ~3,100
Warnings: Slight sexual themes, maybe some curse words?? i don’t remember lol
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It’s been 24 hours since you got back from your mission with Nat, and you spent the absolute most of them sleeping.
When you first got back you were rushed straight to the infirmary, but after a quick check it turned out Natasha handled your wound quite well, and you were able to get back to your room. You barely managed to keep your eyes open long enough to slip on your pajamas before you fell into a deep sleep. Which you desperately needed.
When you woke up it was noon the next day, and you woke up feeling disoriented, until you remembered the events of the previous day, the cause of your exhaustion; the lunatics who cut your arm, disarming the missiles, kissing Natasha. A smile involuntarily rose on your face at that last one.
You stretched your limbs a little, grimacing at the pain shooting down your arm. Having still not showered since yesterday, you were just about ready to jump in the shower before you realized you hadn't asked if you could take off the bandage today so you could shower. Stifling a groan, you put on some comfy clothes and headed down to the infirmary, to hopefully take your bandage off.
Walking down the corridors of the compound, you didn't really want to see anyone right now. Having not showered the night before, you imagined you looked, and probably smelled like shit.
And just in that state is how you encountered Natasha, who was looking as stunning as usual, walking towards you from the opposite direction, holding a bandage in her hand.
"Hey," you smiled, unsure of how much contact the redhead wanted with you right now, you awkwardly put your hand forward.
Thankfully, Natasha took that as an invitation for a hug, and embraced you tightly against her. You wrapped your hands around her in reflex. God, she also smells good. That's so unfair.
"How are you feeling?" she smiled a small smile, retracting her hands and crossing them on her chest for a moment before uncrossing them letting them fall to her sides.
"Better," you smiled back at her. "I was just about to go to the infirmary to ask them if I could take this thing off," you raised your bandaged arm, "so I could finally have that shower," you chuckled.
"Actually, I- uh, I was just there," Natasha said, "I thought that's what you're gonna want when you woke up so I went ahead and asked them, and they said you could take it off and then put this," she raised up the bandage she was holding, "back on it."
"Oh," you grinned, "thanks." You took the bandage from her hand, your fingers brushing against her hand briefly. In a silent understanding, you both started heading back in the direction of your room, side by side. Once you got to your door, you spoke up.
"What were you going to do if I wasn't awake yet?" you asked, amused.
"I guess I was just going to leave the bandage outside of your door and text you," she shrugged with a smile.
"Well, thanks again," you smiled back at her.
"You're welcome. You were amazing yesterday," she said, not looking directly at you.
"So were you! I mean, bursting in and shooting the bad guys away like you did is super badass," you bumped her shoulder in hers, smiling.
At that she did look at you, a soft smile sneaking onto her lips. "Well, if you think so, would you mind going to dinner with me? Tonight maybe?"
"I’d love that," you smiled and squeezed her arm. "I'll see you tonight. But can you choose the restaurant? I don’t have the brainpower to do it myself right now," you giggled and she nodded. "Great! Just text me when to be ready. For now, I'm gonna finally hit that shower," you chuckled and went inside your room, closing the door behind you.  
Natasha licked her lips behind the closed door. One part of her wanted to tell you to stop talking about yourself in the shower so much. The other one wanted to join you. She shook her head to get rid of the thoughts. At least get her a dinner first, she chastised and walked away. She still needed to figure out where to take you.
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When it was finally time you took one last look in the mirror, checking your reflection and smoothing over the fabric of your outfit one last time before opening the door and heading downstairs to meet Natasha in the garage. Your bandage wasn't even itching as much as the previous one, which was a definite plus. Her text said to dress fancy, but comfortable enough to ride her motorcycle, so you did just that.
She met you by the elevators, "Hey," she greeted. She was dressed in stockings and a short dress, looking even more gorgeous than usual, if that was possible. Taking your hand in hers, she led you towards her spot and stopped in front of a large red bike.
"So," you chuckled nervously, "are you sure this thing is like… safe?" you frowned.
"When I'm driving it, it's as safe as any car," she smirked and mounted it, making her dress ride up the littlest bit. "C'mon," she patted the rest on the seat behind her. Hesitantly, you lifted your leg over the seat and sat on behind her. She extended a helmet to you, which you put on gratefully.
"Ready?" she asked, giving you a smirk over her shoulder.
"Yeah," you chuckled nervously.
She started to press on the gas, and before she even got out of the parking spot your hands flew to wrap tightly around her torso, your chest pressing against her back.
Natasha looked back to see you, eyes closed, clinging onto her. You opened one eye and found her looking at you with a soft smile playing on her lips. "Why'd we stop?" you asked, puzzled.
"Are you okay?" she asked gently.
"Okay, so I might be a teensy bit nervous about the whole motorcycle thing…" you scrunched up your nose in a playful grimace. "What? It has no walls!" you said defensively.
"Do you trust me?" Natasha asked, still smiling.
"Yes. Wait, is this the part where we go on a magic carpet ride?" you grinned. At her puzzled expression, you let out a shocked gasp. "I can't believe you haven’t seen Aladdin. We'll have to fix that sometime," you smiled. "But to answer your question, yes," you took a deep breath, "I do trust you. Let's go," you nodded and secured your arms around her.
She shook her head at your antics, but she made sure she wasn't making the turns too sharp when you left the compound. Slowly but surely, you opened your eyes, the wind of the open road soaring on your face. You sat a little straighter, releasing your death grip on Natasha's waist slightly. In front of you, you heard her take a deep breath. "Sorry!" you called out to her over the wind.
"It's fine!" she called back and chuckled.
Before long, you got into town and were parking in front of the restaurant she picked out. Hopping off quickly, Natasha offered her hand out to you, which you gratefully accepted before getting off the bike, slightly less graceful than her.
You took in your surroundings. It was a fancy place, no doubt, but it wasn't one of these so-fancy-nothing-there-is-actually-good places, as far as you could tell at least.
The hostess ushered you in, leading you to a secluded table in a quiet corner of the room. You and Natasha took your seats in front of each other, looking at the menus. Her foot accidentally kicked your leg under the table when she crossed her leg on top of the other. You smiled at her, eyes peaking from above the menu, and she returned an apologetic smile.
You sat in companionable silence until your waitress came by to take your order.
"What would you like?" she asked with a bright smile.
Upon finding out you both wanted the same dish, you laughed a little and ended up agreeing to share it, the sight of the packed plates being brought to other tables making you realize these are dishes that were meant for more than one person to share.
"How did you find this place?" you asked Nat once the waitress left.
"I looked up places you might like, but they all seemed too… fancy," Nat scrunched up her nose, meaning it as an insult. "Like, these places that are so fancy they serve tiny, not actually tasty dishes?" she continued, echoing your earlier thoughts. "And then I remembered walking by this place once, and that it seemed, you know, actually nice, and according to the internet it really is."
"Well, I also think it is 'actually nice'. I'm glad you found it," you smiled. For a second, a silence washed over you both. It wasn't exactly hostile or tense, but for a first date you could argue any kind of silence is mostly undesirable.
"So," you said, unable to think of anything else, "when we met, you didn't actually hate me? Just to get the facts straight," you scratched your arm a little, conscientious of your actions.
"No," she laughed, "I actually really liked you. But, it was like… you're a bit of a ray of sunshine, do you know that?" you smiled, ducking your head, but still waiting for her to continue. "And most people would argue that's good. I do too. But when you wrap yourself under a shield of a gloomy approach like I did…"
"It could scare away the storm," you finished. "I get it," you smiled, reaching to squeeze her hand from across the table.
"Okay, my turn now – what did you think of me when we first met?" she smirked a little.
"I thought you were totally badass," you giggled, "and I still do. I mean, when we first met I saw you totally kicking Steve's ass in the training room," your eyes twinkled in humor at the memory of the lithe spy knocking down the broad-shouldered soldier.
"Oh yeah, I remember that day. You did a way better job than Tony at containing your laughter," she smiled.
At the end of the night, when you rode back on her bike, your posture was already much more relaxed. When you arrived back at the parking lot, you attempted to get off the bike yourself. Fortunately, Natasha was faster than you and managed to catch you in her arms when you stumbled in your descent off, her arms clutching your waist to stabilize you.
"You okay?" she asked, smiling.
"I'm great," you beamed at her. You both stood there for a moment, eyes locked together, frozen in each other's arms, before you stood up straight, detaching your arms from her. Later, you reflected on that being a very poor decision.
"Thank you, for everything," you smiled gently.
"You're very welcome," she smiled, licking her lips before you both went into the elevator, and you went to each her own, greeting each other a quite goodnight
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Natasha and you were texting back and forth during the last day. Each needing to attend to paperwork from the mission and the one that piled up during it, you didn't really see each other the day after your date. Today, you sent her a good morning text. You spent what was probably an unreasonable amount of time deciding whether to send a heart, which one and how many, but you ended up settling for a simple red heart.
Once she texted you back, indicating she was awake, you texted her – It's my turn to pick the venue today. Dress to kill;)
After a short contemplation you realized that was too unclear, and texted again – I meant like, comfortable enough to fight in. But obviously not fight gear:)
You smiled at the text she sent back. Sounds wonderfully ominous. See you x
You couldn't help but grin like a fool at the little kiss at the end. Excited, you went to pick an outfit for yourself.
It was afternoon when you met Natasha down at the garage, this time taking your car since you were driving. "Oh, vehicles with doors, I missed you," you exclaimed wistfully upon entering the driver's seat, making Natasha chuckle.
"So, where are we going? Natasha asked, a curious look on her face.
"You'll see," you smirked, "but I'm pretty sure you're gonna like this."
When you finally pulled up to the building, Natasha read the sign on top of the door.
"Laser Tag?" she asked you, her brow raised and a smile ghosting on her lips.
"Have you played before?" you asked, opening the door for her to enter before you.
"No, but I'm gonna kick your ass," she smirked.
You got grouped up with some other people and you got strapped into your game vests.
Once you went into the dark room, you departed from Natasha and went to find a good hiding place. It was an individual game, meaning you each had to shoot everyone else as much as you could to get points and win.
"Three… two… one…" the mechanic voice boomed through the speakers, "Go!"
Almost immediately, the voices of several shots were heard. You stayed where you are, listening for any footsteps. You saw a light from a vest a few meters from you and shot, seeing that you hit your opponent.
As the game went on, you noticed it seemed you and Natasha were in the lead, unsurprising since you were both trained agents. You haven't seen much of her, and so far, you didn’t shoot each other, considering that this was a date.
You sneaked into a corner of the room, leaning against the wall. You probably shouldn't be taking the game this seriously, but that's like half the fun. You saw someone approach, someone who was taking the game as seriously as you were – Natasha.
She raised her hands when she saw you, getting closer and closer with a smile on her face. "It's just me," she whispered.
"Are you having fun?" you grinned at her, her features hard to see in the darkness enveloping you.
"Yeah," she said as she got closer and closer yet, until she was standing right in front of you, close enough so you could feel her breath.
"But it's not much of a challenge," she whispered, smirking down at you.
"Is it?" you whispered back, tilting your head, biting your lips.
Natasha smiled before diving in quickly, capturing your lips with hers. Your tongues explored, battling for dominance. If a few moments ago you were complaining about the darkness, these are the fireworks that light it up.
You came away for air, looking at her through your lashes. Before you could say anything else, she quickly raised her gun and shot at you from point blank, making your mouth open in shock.
"Not much of a challenge," Natasha smirked and left hurriedly, before you could recover. You shook your head and chuckled. That's one way to do it.
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The day after that you met Nat at the common kitchen in the morning. She was munching on some toast and you made yourself something to drink.
"So, I've been thinking," you started, "we should probably work on that thing we talked about."
"What thing?" she asked, brows furrowed.
"How you…" you trailed off. Looking around as if to make sure no one heard what embarrassing thing you were going to see next, "haven't watched Aladdin," you whispered.
She burst into laugher and you soon followed, your heart filling with pride at the sound.
So, that evening, you had a movie night. Pretty standard stuff – some popcorn, warm blankets, Disney movies.
Sitting down on the huge couch, Natasha extended her arms towards you and you immediately accepted the invitation and cuddled into her arms.
"Ugh, why would he go in there?" Natasha asked and you laughed.
"For storyline purposes," you answered honestly and made her laugh in return.
You both munched down on the popcorn, with you occasionally moving to the songs, exchanging quick remarks about the movie.
Once it was over, you were both a little drowsy, but definitely not tired yet. You put on another drama movie, whatever was on the TV at that point. But you quickly got bored with it, opting to stare at Nat instead. The feeling of her chest gently rise and fall beside you was calming, made you feel at peace. It was ironic, feeling so safe and secure in the arms of a super-mega-assassin, but she had that effect on you. Her blue eyes were focused on the TV, lashes blinking once every few moments, her tongue darting out to unknowingly wet her lips.
"Stop staring," she smirked and turned her gaze to you, clearly feeling your eyes on her.
"I don't want to," you challenged with a smile.
She bent and planted a kiss on your lips, one that started out as sweet and gentle, but once you straddled her hips became more heated and urgent. Your hands tangled in her hair, hers grabbing onto your hips and your tongues danced together, drawing the sweetest noises of pleasure from her throat. Your lips made their way to her neck, nipping and sucking gently on her soft skin until-
"Oh my god!" you heard a voice coming from the doorway and immediately turned your head, "I definitely didn't need to see that!" claimed a blushing Steve. Standing beside him was Tony, with his usual poise. "Don't stop on our account," he smirked, "We're just here to grab some files I left here but by all means, we can stay for the show."
"I'm gonna strangle you in your sleep," you deadpanned, as Nat lifted you up and you wrapped your legs around her torso.
"And then I'll kick you where it hurts, for good measure," she added, carrying you out of the room.
"We're very happy for you!" Tony called out after you, and you gave him the finger.
"Could you believe that, Rogers, and in the middle of the living room, no less," Tony chuckled and turned to look at the still flustered man.
"Lay off of it, Tony," Steve smacked his shoulder friendly, but with enough force to remind him who's the super soldier between the two.
"Jeez, alright. But they are cute," he smiled, watching you disappear from sight down the long corridor.
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hope y’all liked this! did i write the most of it while I Kissed A Girl was playing on loop? I guess you’ll never know😌
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