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karajaynetoday · 2 months

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and i'd give up forever to touch you, cause i know that you'd feel me somehow | jack hughes

Thank you for all the love on hey now, you're an all-star - i am honestly blown away by those notes!! here is a part two. let me know what you think, and what your predictions or desires are for a potential part three! xo

Word count: 3.3k

Warnings: nothing major. uni stress again, jack being a bit of a dick. angst. all of the angst.

(This is a fem reader insert) read part one here read the part three here

More writing here | send thoughts/feedback/suggestions here | if you’d like to be on my taglist go here

Waking up was always slightly disorienting for you, and the next morning was no different.

Your dreams could be quite vivid, or you couldn’t remember them at all once you awoke; but the first thing you could sense on this particular morning was the strong scent of coffee wafting through the room. As your eyes adjusted to the morning light streaming in the windows, you became suddenly and painfully aware that you were alone on the couch. A blanket had been draped over you at some stage of your slumber, but Jack was nowhere to be seen.

You sat up slowly, rubbing your face, trying to ignore the anxiety that was building in your chest. You could hear a shower running, somewhere in the hotel suite, and hastily threw the blanket off your body as you scanned the room for your belongings.

Shoes. Where were your shoes? And phone? Keys? Did you bring a bag with you? What time was it? What time did your class start? Would you be able to get an Uber to Campus in time? Wait, was your class online or on campus this morning?

Your brain was churning out a thousand thoughts a minute, and your heart rate was starting to match it. You felt like a deer in headlights. Or a cat under a rocking chair. Or… just… lost. You were so lost.

Someone cleared their throat behind you and you jolted, whipping around to face Quinn, who was decked out in a brown leather jacket and grey pants, holding two steaming coffee mugs in his hands.

You must have looked distressed, because Quinn offered you a gentle smile and one of the mugs which you cautiously accepted.

“Thanks, Q. I really should get going soon, though. Get out of your hair before the big draft day circus arrives.” Your voice was still slightly groggy with sleep.

“Take as long as you need, sugarplum. Our call time isn’t for another two hours. Jack’s in the shower, and he’d hate it if you left without saying goodbye.” Quinn raised his eyebrows at you as you both took a sip of coffee.

“Watching Jack try and untangle himself from you on the couch did provide me with my morning entertainment though. Surprised he didn’t end up with another injury given how clumsy he usually is.” You felt your cheeks get warm at Quinn’s comment and the smirk on his face.

“He could’ve just woken me up…” You offered weakly, shrugging your shoulders in an attempt at nonchalance.

“No offence, but that was a risk that neither of us are willing to take. Not after last summer.” Quinn bit back a laugh as you narrowed your eyes at him.

Last summer at the lake house, you’d stayed up all night trying to finish the latest novel in your favourite fiction series. Jack had come into your room to wake you for the boat day you’d discussed the day before, but instead of a gentle approach to waking you up, he’d literally jumped onto your bed. Which caused you to sit bolt upright and “accidentally” punch him in the face. At least he thought the black eye made him look tough for a couple of weeks.

“Nice jacket, by the way.” You tried to change the subject.

Quinn stood up straight and puffed out his chest.

“You think so? Jack and I got to go down to Hermés and pick out our outfits yesterday. I felt suuuuper out of my league to be honest.”

Your eyes widened at the brand name Quinn just dropped, slightly choking on your coffee.

“Hermés? That’s proper designer, Q. Like, tens of thousands of dollars of jacket, right?”

Quinn didn’t answer you, but he didn’t have to. The look on his face told you that the jacket he was wearing was worth more than six months of your rent. Maybe more.

“Well, we have to do this red carpet thing, and I figured we should probably try a bit harder than team merch.” Quinn reached over and tugged playfully on the sleeve of your hoodie.

Well, Jack’s hoodie. That you happened to be wearing. Which was previously super comfortable, but now felt like your skin was on fire underneath it.

“What time is it, anyway?” There you go again, changing the subject.

“Like, 9.15?” Quinn offered, pulling his phone out of his pocket and showing you the time on his home screen.

9.15? Why was that important to you? What was at 9.15?

The test. In your economics class. Worth a decent chunk of your grade. It was at 9.30am. But was it online or on campus?

You downed the rest of your coffee in one gulp, ignoring how it burned your throat, and thrust your mug back at Quinn before tugging the hoodie over your head and throwing it on the floor. You turned around, searching wildly for your phone and spotting it on the couch where you’d been sleeping, not that long ago. You lunged for it, frantically unlocked and trying to find your university schedule in the calendar app.

“Oh thank god. It’s online. Holy fuck.” You closed your eyes and breathed deeply, trying to calm yourself down.

“Sugar? You okay?” Jack’s voice cut through your thoughts, and you looked up from your phone to see him standing in the doorway to his room.

Clad in black jeans, with a towel around his shoulders and his hair still damp from the shower. Shirtless. Of course he was shirtless. You squeezed your eyes shut out of instinct, and also to stop yourself from blatantly checking him out. When you opened them, Jack was striding towards you, his face etched in concern.

“What do you need?” Jack spoke quietly, but firmly, reaching out to rub your arms reassuringly. His touch sent a zap of electricity through you, which seemed to kick your brain back into gear.

“I need… Do you have a laptop I can borrow? I have an online test in 15 minutes that I forgot about, for a subject I’m almost failing, and if I miss the test then I don’t know that I’ll be able to recover my grade.” You half-whispered, almost wishing that Jack and Quinn couldn’t hear your confession out loud.

You were supposed to be the smart one. That’s what everyone said, when you were growing up. You were the brains, Jack was the beauty. You were the bookish one, he was the brutally athletic one. Talking about failing university out loud was suddenly terrifying, even though you’d known it was a possibility for a few weeks or more.

“Hey… hey.” Jack squeezed your arms, trying to centre you, and dropped his head down to your eye level. “It’s okay. I’ve got a laptop you can use, and you can stay here for as long as you need.”

All you could muster was a nod in response, and Jack leaned in to kiss your forehead before disappearing back into his room, presumably to find his laptop. You sat back down on the couch, suddenly unsure of what to do with yourself.

Quinn had briefly left to place your coffee mug in the kitchenette, but he was back and leaned over the back of the couch to squeeze your shoulder.

“You’ll smash it, kiddo. Make sure you ask Jack what his laptop password is though, I’d hate for you to get locked out during your test.” Quinn said quietly, before his phone rang and he stepped into his room to answer it.

“Here you go, sunshine. Fully charged, but the charger is in my room if you need it.” Jack was back in the living room, handing his laptop to you, already logged in and a web browser open for you.

You stood up from the couch and moved towards the dining table, setting the laptop down and pulling out a chair. It only took a minute to log into your university portal and navigate to the subject page you needed for the online test. You were about to click the start button, when Quinn’s comment flashed in your mind.

“Jack?” You squeaked, turning to face the couch where Jack had flopped down moments before. Still clad in black jeans, still fucking shirtless, absolutely ignorant of the effect he was having on your ability to breathe calming, mindlessly scrolling on his phone.

“What’s up?”

“What’s… what’s your password? In case I get locked out and you’re not here? Could you write it down for me please?” You reached for the hotel notepad and complimentary pen that was on the table you were sitting at, waving them in Jack’s direction.

Jack rolled his bottom lip under his teeth as he stood up and took the notepad from you and began scribbling on it.

“I have to go downstairs and meet Bratter for some team social media stuff, but I’ll see you later, okay? Text me when you finish your test.” You’d never seen Jack move so quickly as he handed the notepad back to you, retrieved a shirt and jacket from his bedroom and disappeared out the hotel room door, all within a minute or two.

You were confused, to say the least. You glanced down at the notepad Jack had thrust into your hands, and you could’ve sworn your heart stopped when you saw what he scrawled on it.

Password - SugarpluM2001Jh!

–

Quinn had headed out not long after Jack did, leaving you to complete your test in silence. Despite the disorienting start to your morning, and all of your revision notes being on your desk at home, you managed to scrape through with a 75% result which would supplement your final grade significantly.

The waves of relief washed over you, as you clicked out of web page you were on. You reached for your phone and typed a quick message to Jack as promised, and you were confused when the laptop chimed with a notification noise.

Oh. Oh. Jack’s laptop was linked to his phone, and his messages were suddenly popping up on the laptop screen in front of you.

You shouldn’t pry. You knew that. Your logical brain was telling you to close the laptop screen and get going. But your anxiety brain was telling you that you should take a peek. Just a little one.

Before your logical brain and anxiety brain could battle it out properly, the laptop notification chimed again, and a girl’s name that was not your own flashed up on the screen.

What happened last night? I thought you were coming to my room after your dinner?? Xx

You felt your jaw drop, as you started to realise what was happening in this conversation you shouldn’t have been privy to. You froze, as the little bubble popped up in the chat, showing you that Jack was typing a reply.

Sorry babe i got caught up with some boring family bullshit, you know how it is. Would’ve rather have been with you obvs but i just couldn’t get away. Then today is crazy with media stuff anyway. I’ll see u at the drew house event tonight though? Go back to yours after that? Xo

Sounds great. I’ll be wearing this for you, J. *image attached*

You slammed the laptop shut when the image loaded, showing someone wearing a red and black lingerie set.

You felt bad for snooping, but you felt worse knowing that Jack considered last night as “boring family bullshit”. Is that all it was? Were you stupid for thinking it was more? That it could ever be more between the two of you?

Or was that all you could ever hope to be? Like family. Forever intertwined, always floating in each other’s orbit, but never more than friends. Platonic soulmates at best, childhood acquaintances at worst.

You were spiralling, yet again, and your phone buzzing with a notification provided a brief reprieve. Until you saw that it was a text from Jack.

Well done on your test, champ!! Knew u could do it. See you at the draft tonight? There’s two passes in your email for you and your dad to come visit. Might even get to meet bublé, if that’s your vibe lmao

Suddenly, there was a bitter taste in your mouth. Why was he pretending like he wanted to spend time with you? When surely all he actually wanted to do was sneak off with the girl he was texting just moments ago?

You swiped into check your email app, and there were the passes as promised. You quickly scanned the email to see if they were assigned to any particular name, and all you could see was “guest of Jack Hughes” rather than you or your dad specifically. You quickly hit the “forward” button, and sent them on to your dad and your cousin Tom, who had met Jack and Quinn a handful of times over the years, and was a massive hockey fan like your dad. You knew Tom would love to go, and your dad would be happy enough to have Tom join him.

You sent through a quick message to Tom saying you weren’t feeling well and that he’d be doing you a favour by taking your pass, to which he immediately replied with lots of exclamation points and thanks.

Next, you typed a message back to Jack.

Thanks again for the laptop and for the passes. Something’s come up so i can’t come but dad will be there with tom, hope that is ok? Didn’t want the passes to go to waste. Good luck for the draft, don’t let quinn bully you too much lol

You were hoping that Jack wouldn’t question you, or pick up on the shift in tone. Well, maybe you wanted him to sense the tone a little bit. Jack’s typing bubble popped up in the text conversation, then disappeared, then popped up again, then suddenly your phone was vibrating with a call and Jack’s name was flashing across the top of your screen. Your fingers hovered over the answer/decline buttons, before you abandoned both and dropped your phone back onto the table, letting the call go to voicemail.

You stood up from the table and began to gather your belongings. The bitter taste was still in your mouth, but otherwise you felt nothing. Just numb. You barely realised what you were doing when your body moved towards the hotel suite door, into the elevator, through the lobby and out onto the street. You waited a few minutes for your Uber, before slipping away through the streets of downtown, and as far away from Jack as you felt you needed to be.

By the time you got home, Jack had called you twice, and sent you about ten text messages of various question marks and confusion, and a fair amount of concern. You plugged your phone into the charger on your bedside table before heading into your bathroom for a much-needed shower.

Your shower felt like it took about 3 hours, when in reality it was probably more like 20 minutes at most. You washed your hair, and spent some time sitting down on the shower floor staring into space, pondering the events of the last 24 hours. When you finally emerged, putting on your favourite sweatpants and an old Canucks hoodie you found on your bedroom floor, you realise your phone was flashing with more notifications.

You settled down in bed before picking up your phone and scrolling through the home screen. Jack had resorted to sending you photos of sad baby pandas to elicit a response, your dad had texted you to say thank you for the passes and to feel better soon, but it was a message from Quinn that caught your eye.

Q: What did he do? He’s freaking out. Are you okay? I can beat him up if you want me to. Or give him a hug. Just let me know which is more appropriate based on whatever the fuck he did

You hesitated, contemplating whether to tell Quinn the truth or not. But then you remembered that Quinn had literally known you since you were four. He could tell if you were lying in a heartbeat, even over text message.

You: Maybe just remind Jack that his text messages pop up on his laptop. See if that helps him to figure it out lmao sorry to miss tonight quinny, hope you draft all the canucks you want xo

Q: He now looks like he’s going to throw up?? Still unsure if hugging or punching is required tbh

New message - Jack Hughes -

You sighed and rolled your eyes, before clicking on Jack’s message notification.

I am an idiot. I’m so sorry, sugar. I swear i am.

Sorry for categorising me as “boring family bullshit” or sorry that you got caught trying to get your dick wet? Or sorry for pretending to be my friend when you apparently just tolerate me to be polite?

We have press for two more hours then i can call you. You’re my best friend, sugar. I love you.

You felt tears start to prick in your eyes as you read Jack’s message. Sure, he loved you. But not in the same way that you loved him. And right now, you felt like that would never change.

You clicked out of your message thread with Jack without replying, and opened up your conversation with Quinn instead.

I’ll come to the all-star game on saturday, but nothing else, if that’s okay with you? I just need some space for a bit, sorry x

Whatever you need, kiddo. I’ll give the game passes to your dad tonight. I still don’t know what jack did, but i think not seeing you will be punishment enough for whatever it was??

You didn’t reply to Quinn’s message. You didn’t reply to any more calls or messages for the next day or so, switching between trying to catch up on study and catching up on some Netflix episodes. You were typing notes on your laptop on Saturday morning, when a New Jersey Devils Twitter alert popped up on the screen and caught your attention.

#NEWS: Jack went home to Jersey last night after participating in Thursday’s draft and Friday’s media hits. He was extremely honoured to be a part of All-Star Weekend, especially sharing it with his brother. He’s really close to returning and wanted to get back so he could continue to focus on the rest of the Devils season.

The bitter taste you thought you’d gotten rid of suddenly returned with a vengeance.

Jack went home to Jersey last night. You had no idea when you’d see him again. And to be completely honest, you weren’t even sure that you wanted to. Your laptop dinged again, this time with an email notification. You were confused to say the least when the new email appeared to be from an airline, with a voucher attached.

Your phone buzzed with a new text message.

I couldn’t stand being there knowing you’re mad at me, but i also don’t want to force you to talk to me when you’re not ready to talk yet either. Use the voucher to come to jersey whenever you want. I’m sorry.

You rolled your bottom lip between your teeth, torn between accepting Jack’s offer and wanting to be stubborn and not let go of being mad at him just yet. You hated what Jack had done, but you also hated yourself for cutting short your time with him that was already in short supply as it was.

I’ll let you know. Might be a flight to Jersey, might be a flight to Michigan. We’ll see. Good luck getting back out there!

You knew the Michigan comment was a cheap shot, but Jack had hurt you, so you wanted to be childish and hurt him back. The idea of not seeing him for almost four months until the summer break, where you’d all gather at the Hughes lake house as you did every year, made you feel slightly ill.

Whatever you want, sugar. Mac n cheese in michigan on me. Love you.

The mac and cheese comment made you smile, and the love you comment made you want to cry.

Love you too, J. Maybe too much. I don’t know. I need time. x

#jack hughes x reader #jack hughes #jack hughes imagine #quinn hughes imagine #quinn hughes #my writing #nhl imagine #jack hughes fanfiction

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loversj0y · 10 months

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Cornelia street for your 200 event? Congratulations by the way!!

event masterlist

pairing: wilbur soot x gn! reader

TWS: lots of drinking, anxiety as well

notes: this one was tough to write solely bc... toe breakup. sigh. makes it hurt to use this song tbh. also i just couldnt focus writing this one so if it seems a bit off, thats probably why

wordcount: 1.6k

taglist: @l0veb0mb1ng / @core-queen / @zooone / @lillylvjy / @ghostsacrosslndnfields / @melunnek

The first time you officially met Wilbur was at a random party. It was a summer party one of your classmates had set up, and she told you it would be a small ordeal. The opposite occurred, which truthfully, you should’ve expected given that it was a party to celebrate the classmates moving into their final year of Uni. You didn’t hate the party atmosphere, it was a nice party even if it was more crowded and louder than you’d expected. You had a few drinks and a few good conversations before stumbling into Wilbur.

You did literally stumble into him, tripping over someone’s shoe and landing against him. His drink knocked into you as well, spilling all over the front of your shirt.

“Oh, holy shit, are you alright?” He asked quickly, holding onto your arms.

“I’m alright, yeah, sorry. Are you?”

He smiled, “I’m fine, don’t worry about it. Let me help clean you up.” He pulled you to the bathroom, closing the door and muting most of the party droning out with it.

“We had english together, last semester, didn’t we?” He grabbed a towel, drying your shirt off.

“Uh,” you flushed, “I’ll be honest, I barely payed attention to that class. I was playing Minecraft on my laptop in the back most days.”

“Oh?” He laughed, “Good to know I wasn’t alone then. I’m Wilbur.” “Y/N. If you can’t tell, I’m not great at first impressions.”

He smiled, “Well, if you want, we could always have a redo.”

“A redo?” You chuckled, “How so?”

“Hm,” he thought, “How about we act like we were too drunk to remember meeting tonight? And then, I know a good, quiet bar downtown where we can show up separately and pretend we don’t know each other until one of us gets the courage to go up to the other?” He grinned up at you.

You laughed loudly, and he looked at you like you hung the stars in the sky, “Okay, yeah. That sounds great.”

You and Wilbur did go to that bar. In fact, it became a common thing for the two of you to go that little dive bar every weekend. It was a bit further from campus, a good thirty minute walk, but it made up for it in the almost secretive energy the bar had, making it easier to hide your growing anxieties and embarrassment about just how close to Wilbur you’d gotten. What started as the fleeting thought about how attractive he was had manifested into a strong crush, one that toustled you like a wave everytime you saw him. It got harder to keep your composure around him. And the best way to combat the shaking hands and stuttering words?

Shots, obviously. As the two of you joked, you both got progressively drunker. To the point where neither of you were able to safely get home. So a cab it was.

When you got in the cab, drunkenly stumbling in, the cabbie asked where he was taking you both.

It occurred to both of you that neither of you wanted to be alone right now, it was only a matter of boldness now.

You looked at Wilbur, “I rent a place on Cornelia Street.”

Wilbur nodded, leaning into your side a bit, “Okay.”

You told the cab driver your address, and he drove quickly, probably not wanting to risk the two drunk college kids puking in his cab. The drunkenness started lightening up on the drive, Wilbur only left tipsy, while you were on the comedown of your drunkenness.

You and Wilbur split the cost once you’d gotten there, and you held onto his arm as you pulled him upstairs. It felt like a stepping stone, a new era of your relationship, to have him come over to your apartment, even if you were still drunk.

Stumbling in, he looked around, “Your place is really nice.”

“Thanks,” you smiled softly, walking over to the couch with him. You both sat down, probably far closer than you would’ve been if either of you had any sense of personal space or decency left in you.

“You sure you’re good with me staying here tonight?” You snorted softly, “Of course, Wilbur. I’d rather you stay here than try to walk home alone.”

“Aww, someone cares about me,” You flushed a bit, leaning your head against him, “Maybe I do. What about it, hm?”

He wrapped his lanky arms around you, squeezing you, “You sap,” he placed his chin on top of your head, “God, everything you do makes me just want to kiss you more,” he admitted.

“Wait- what?” You asked, suddenly feeling incredibly sober.

“Yeah,” he hummed, as if it was the easiest thing in the world.

You pulled out of his grasp, sighing, “You’re drunk.”

He chuckled, “You’re the drunk one here, your tolerance is far worse than mine.” You hated admitting that was true.

“Then, were you serious?”

He looked down at you, quiet while he looked over your face and coming to terms with the fact that you were not drunk enough to forget what he’d said, “Yes.”

You reached forward, taking his hands, “Can I… kiss you?”

He nodded quickly, pulling one hand free to rest on your cheek. You pulled him in the rest of the way, kissing him slowly. He tasted sweet, like strawberry liquor and smoke, and it felt like a consequence you’d gladly pay for.

Months went by. Wilbur was always with you, even if you and him hadn’t set an official title to your relationship. You went from autumn air, dancing in the moonlight on your room, wearing his jacket to classes, playing games, the rains of spring, opening windows for the summer air, all to end up here. Graduation had passed a few weeks ago. Wilbur was staying in town, he’d already found a job. You were between two. There was one in town and one pretty far away.

The only thing keeping you from choosing the one where you’d get to stay here, where you’ve lived and loved, was that you didn’t know where you stood with Wilbur. With everything that you two have been through, you still didn’t have an official label. And you kept meaning to talk about it, but you kept putting it off out of worries and concerns. You thought he was leading you on. You knew why you hadn’t talked about it, but why hadn’t he.

It felt selfish to think that, communication was a two-way street after all, but you just could’nt help your own anxieties sometimes.

So instead of jumping into his arms, you jumped to conclusions. That he was leading you on, that he wasn’t serious about this. So, you planned on leaving.

You packed a bunch of your things, getting in your car and starting to drive off, without a goodbye. You hadn’t even made a decision on the jobs either, but you were just going to head home for now.

You were about ten minutes out when Wilbur called. You almost didn’t answer.

“Hello?”

“Hey, love, where are you? I just showed up to your place and you’re gone.”

“I’m leaving, Wilbur.”

He laughed, at first, “Yeah, yeah.” When you didn’t joke with him, he’d gotten far more serious, “What do you mean?”

“I’m just leaving.” “Without saying goodbye?” You never would’ve left if you had. You aimed for bitterness in your words, some part of you almost wanting to start a fight. “Like you’d care much.”

“Darling, why wouldn’t I care?”

“Why did you never say we were dating?”

He was silent, “Wait, is that what this is about? I- I wanted to talk to you about it, but I just panicked, darling. I-”

He paused, seriously considering what he was going to say next, “Darling, I love you. And if you come back now, I promise you, you will never wonder again, because it is within my full intentions to make sure the entire world knows exactly how you are mine.”

“I-I love you too,” you responded quickly. You’d never turned around faster.

That night, you and him sat on the roof, and finally solidified everything you were. You finally selected your job in town, and you couldn’t help but see Wilbur in the city you looked at from that rooftop.

“Look at that,” Wilbur hummed, staring up at your apartment building.

You held his hand tightly, looking up, “Oh, yeah. It’s almost weird to look at.” You smiled.

He stood behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist. You had moved out a year ago now. You and Wilbur found a nice place to live together, and you had been living together since. It was a worthy move, but it still felt weird to look up at your old apartment.

He nodded, “God, do you remember the first time I cooked for you?”

You laughed, “Yeah, it was our first official date. I had to open all the windows to get the smell of burning out.”

“It was a cleansing fire, I think.” “You would think that,” you laughed louder, leaning into him, “It was good though. A new beginning of sorts.”

“Especially for several of your pans,” he snickered, kissing your cheek softly.

You chuckled, nodding, “Some of them definitely needed it.” You smiled, sighing softly.

You couldn’t say it outloud, you didn’t want to make Wilbur worried. You just knew that if any residual fears you had about Wilbur leaving you proved true, you’d never be able to walk here again, the entire apartment a reflection of your relationship.

#mar's 200 follower event #mar writes #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur soot #mcyt x reader #wilbur x reader #dsmp x reader #wilbur soot x you #wilbur soot fanfiction #mcyt wilbur

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sexydreamgirl · 8 months

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Hello hera, hope you’re having a great day.

I’d appreciate your help in this situation I am going through right now:

Long story short, since last year; i have not been doing my best at uni. Due to that, i ended up deleting 4 courses and failing 1 course. And every new semester, we start to adjust our classes schedules before the new semester starts. And if you are a student’s that have been following the plan perfectly (which i haven’t been doing, obviously).

but for the entirety of summer break i have been desiring to feel relieved from this burden i have been carrying, uni courses i have not taken and how bad it is affecting my schedule that I literally have to go through trials and tribulations to adjust my schedules every semester. So I desire to revise it into actually, i did take all of these five courses and passed all of them with straight A’s. But, right now it is the week where we adjust our schedules and it is stressing me out greatly. And i find it difficult to maintain my state and my reactions to the 3D when I am faced with the same courses I am revising like they’re staring at me every time I log in and they’re haunting me for my past mistakes. And i obviously can’t ignore any of that and it is mandatory to adjust my schedule accordingly.

Basically, how am I supposed to reach the feeling of the wish fulfilled and maintain it (having already taken the courses) While thinking and feeling uneasy about the exact same courses and stressing out about how i have to add them to my schedule before the adjustment week is over.

Thank you!

Allow me to expand further on what thinking of vs. thinking from and you cannot serve two masters means.

You give life to your world by what you accept or don't accept to be true (and persist in). You either think of it or you think from it. You either are it or you are not, but you cannot serve two masters. You cannot believe that you are loved while still believing that you are not loved. In order for you to transcend what you currently do not want to be, you must give it up and yield to what you do want to be. You may waver and fluctuate (states) between who you are now and who you would like to be, but the one you nail yourself to and persist in is what you will be conscious of.

I understand the 3D can get overwhelming and nobody is (or should) tell you to disregard it and not react, but you cannot let yourself be confined by it. That means do not let it have the last word and remember that it CAN, MUST and WILL change because of YOUR (inner) change. You can be upset, cry, scream, rant, yell, whatever... but if you continue to persist in your desired state until it becomes your dominant state, you will succeed. So back to your question:

How am I supposed to reach the feeling of the wish fulfilled and maintain it while thinking and feeling uneasy [...]?

By allowing yourself to yield to the feeling of your predicament having been resolved. Sit and ask yourself what would the end look like? How would I feel if I no longer had this worry on my shoulders? Once you have your answer, drench yourself completely in the feeling and really let yourself bask in that acceptance. I'm not saying a radical change of attitude will come easy on the first attempt, especially if faced with pressing matters, but the more you revisit and remain faithful to the wish fulfilled by nailing yourself (becoming one with) to it, the easier it will be for you to persist in it, the more natural it will become and the less shaken you will be by the outer world.

#queued

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something-bout-the-weather · 1 year

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I Don't Wanna Be Your Friend / Matty Healy x Reader

Thank you to the anon that gave me the idea for this one <3 It is the friends-to-lovers story of my dreams the longest thing I've written so please let me know what you think! Enjoy!

Present Day (Aged 22)

You can’t believe how quickly the past few years have flown by. Especially, now that you somehow find yourself unpacking boxes in your new home, the home you are sharing with your best friend, Matty.

You and Matty had only recently taken the plunge to rent a flat together in Manchester. You'd just got a job here after finishing uni and Matty's band had just finished their latest tour around the UK and he was ready to spend some time relaxing and starting work on their next album. You'd been best friends for 6 years now and it had just made sense to the pair of you to save on rent and get a place together.

Matty was unpacking his room and you yours. Music was streaming through the house and you found yourself reminiscing on the day you and Matty met at college all those years ago.

6 Years Ago (Aged 16)

It was your first day back at college after summer and you didn’t want to be there. You’d come prepared though, with your noise-cancelling headphones and the latest album you’d been listening to, on repeat, as you walked to the first class of the day, which was actually one of your favourite subjects, music.

Arriving into the classroom you noticed a few new people coming through the door. One, in particular, caught your eye. You’d seen him and his unruly head of curly hair in the college halls, always with a guitar case on his back, but had never spoken to him before. You’d always thought he looked cool but had been too shy to introduce yourself, maybe now was your chance.

The class had barely sat in their seats when the teacher announced a group project and explained that the pairs had already been chosen. As luck would have it, your teacher had picked the curly-haired guy as your partner, so you had no choice but to introduce yourself.

“Hi, I’m Y/N,” you announce as he made his way over to sit in the chair next to you.

“Matty,” he replies, “I think I’ve seen you in the halls but you always seem completely engrossed in whatever you’re listening to in your massive headphones,” pointing at the headphones currently hanging around your neck.

“Yeah, they are the only things that help me get through a day in this hellhole,” you joke.

“What are you listening to at the minute then?” he asked. This turned into a huge discussion about what music you listened to and how the pair of you had extremely similar music tastes.

Both of you, it turns out, had a lot more in common besides the music you listened to. You also shared some favourite TV shows and movies and even what you liked to do when you weren’t working through the endless amounts of college work. It was clear instantly that you were both going to get along.

The class seemed to pass quicker than normal and it wasn’t long before you found yourself heading out of the door towards your next class.

“Hey Y/N, wait up!” Matty shouted across the hallway making you turn around to find him in the crowd of students.

“Yes?” you reply, unsure of what he is about to say to you.

“What are you doing at lunch today?” he enquires.

“Nothing other than roaming these halls,” you respond, gesturing to the bustling halls around you.

“Fancy coming to the record shop in town with me and grabbing some food?” he asks with a pleading look in his eyes.

“Yeah, sure. Sounds like a plan. Meet back here at half 12?” you suggest to which he just nods, before turning and heading in the opposite direction down the hall.

Present Day (Aged 22)

You remember that day the pair of you had spent the remainder of the afternoon in the record store, flicking through the vinyls, getting to know one another and ditching your classes. You knew immediately you’d found a best friend in Matty and the pair of you had been inseparable since.

You hoped you'd made the right decision by renting a place with Matty as you found yourself in a bit of a tricky situation. Over the years, you'd slowly begun developing feelings for Matty. You couldn't think of anyone better to share a place with but it was a real worry for you that it would somehow ruin years of friendship if your true feelings for Matty ever slipped out.

You were completely unaware of the fact that Matty also had feelings for you too. His started to develop a lot earlier than yours though. They started to grow back when you gave him a Valentine’s Day card 4 years ago.

4 Years Ago (Aged 18)

The last two years had passed by in a blur. You'd made the decision to go to university and so far you were enjoying it. Matty on the other hand had joined a band and they were doing everything they could to have their music heard. He'd been so busy lately playing gigs in all sorts of venues and travelling around the country. Mix that with you being overloaded with uni work, and the pair of you hadn't seen one another for a couple of weeks.

So, the pair of you had planned on going to watch the latest Quentin Tarantino movie, on opening night, which just so happened to be Valentine’s Day.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” you shout at your best friend as he makes his way over to where you are waiting for him outside of the cinema.

“Y/N don’t say that so loudly, how many people do you want to make think we are a couple?” he asks worriedly.

“People can think what they want Matty, we are just two best friends here to see a movie and catch up,” you reply nonchalantly.

After stopping at the counter to get some popcorn, sweet and salty at Matty’s request, you head for your seats.

“Before this movie starts, Healy, I have something for you,” you say as you dig into your backpack.

Little does Matty know you’ve got him a Valentine’s Day card and some chocolates. Neither of you has a Valentine’s this year so you thought it would be quite nice to get your best friend something to put a smile on his face and let him know you appreciate him.

Holding out the card and a box of his favourite chocolates you excitedly say “Happy Valentine’s Day Matty!”

Matty takes them from you in complete shock, before saying with a look of sheer terror on his face, “Y/N! I haven’t got you anything.”

“Don’t worry my dear,” you reply, “I’m just being silly and wanted to make you smile. Please open the card right now!”

Matty carefully opens the card with two eggs cuddled up on the front and the words ‘Thank you for being an eggcellent friend. Happy Valentine’s Day!’ surrounding them. You watch him contentedly as he reads out loud what is written inside, “To Matty, thank you for being my best friend. I will always be there for you, no matter what! Love you lots, Y/N!”

You watch as the smile grows on Matty’s face before pulling you into a hug and whispering softly “Thank you so much Y/N, you know I’m always here for you too.” He slowly pulls away before looking into your eyes and pleading “Can we make it a tradition to send each other a Valentine’s Day card each year? I’ll even give you one!”

“Of course!” you reply as Matty’s grin widens and he gently places a kiss on your cheek. You can't hide the look of surprise on your face and, it seems neither can Matty as it seems to be a shock, even to him.

Life clearly wants the pair of you to sit in your thoughts about this though as if on cue, the lights in the cinema dim and the film begins. So, both of you turn back to the screen with so many thoughts whirring around in your heads.

Present Day (Aged 22)

Even looking back on this memory you are still completely oblivious of the fact that from that day forward Matty had been slowly falling for you.

That day was also the start of one of many friendship traditions. Every year since then you'd sent Valentine's Day cards to each other, even if you couldn't see each other on the day. Always with an excellent pun on the front and some sentimental wording inside. One day you were sure it would have to stop when you got your own partners, but for now, it was a tradition you didn't want to break.

You looked back at the memory fondly and thought of all the other random traditions the pair of you held. Your favourite tradition was one which had begun two years ago on Christmas Eve. That was also the year that you started to develop feelings for Matty.

2 Years Ago (Aged 20)

You always spent Christmas at home no matter what. So that's why you find yourself waiting outside your hometown's freezing cold train station waiting for Matty to pick you up. He'd just finished the first leg of touring with his band, The 1975, to promote their first album.

You'd not seen him for two months now and you couldn't wait to catch up and start what you hoped would be a new tradition. The plan was to go to your parent's house straight from the station. They were celebrating Christmas with friends and wouldn't be home until late on Christmas Eve. So, your house was the perfect spot for the rest of your plan. Tonight, you were going to order a takeaway and watch a Christmas movie. Tomorrow, you were going to wake up early, exchange gifts and just enjoy the festivities.

Just before your toes became a block of ice, a car, blaring music through its speakers, pulled into the car park. Of course, Matty had to make an entrance.

He'd barely stopped the car before he was jumping out of it as if it had burst into flames. He ran around the front of the car with his arms wide before picking you up, spinning you around and enveloping you in the tightest hug possible as he shouted "Y/N!"

You were certain he could feel your heart beating out of your chest. You were sure that you'd avoided the cliché of crushing on your best friend but over the past few months, a feeling for Matty had started to build which you hadn't been prepared for.

Something about seeing him live out his dream, perform to a crowd and still make sure that his best friend was happy and doing well at the end of the day, had you going weak at your knees. Let's hope you could hide it and it wouldn't ruin a friendship that you truly adored.

"Hi Matty," you say back as he gently places you down on the solid ground again.

"How is my best friend?" He asks.

"About to freeze to death if we don't get to a warm house soon," you joke.

"Well, your carriage awaits m'lady," he says opening the passenger side door for you to get in.

Hours later you were both full of takeaway pizza, cuddled up on the couch watching Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. You could feel yourself dozing off but didn't want to spend all your time with Matty asleep but knew sleep was needed.

"Matty?" You ask sleepily.

"Yes love," he replies.

"Can we turn this off and head to bed? I'm shattered" You say barely managing to keep your eyes open.

"Of course dear," he responds before turning off the TV and lifting you into his arms carrying you towards your bedroom.

He places you gently on your bed before softly kissing you on your forehead and whispering "Night Y/N sleep tight, I can't wait to swap gifts in the morning. I've missed you so much," before heading back to his usual spot on the couch, in the lounge, and heading to sleep himself.

What Matty isn't aware of, is the fact you'd heard everything he said as he put you to bed last night and it was not helping your growing feelings for him, at all.

That didn't stop you from running into the lounge at 8 am screaming "Merry Christmas!"

Matty jumped out of bed, fists at the ready, to fight whoever had broken into your parent's house.

"It's me you idiot," you manage to get out between giggles, "I was only making sure you knew it was Christmas."

Somehow you find yourself all of a sudden, being thrown over Matty's shoulder, and put down on the couch before being ambushed with tickles. The pair of you can't stop laughing and honestly, you couldn't think of a better start to your Christmas, with Matty.

"Presents time!" Matty cries out as he guides you both to sit by the beautifully decorated tree.

You exchange a whole heap of gifts including books, records and matching sweaters for one another.

Just when you think the gift exchange is over Matty pulls a tiny box from under the tree and gestures at you to open it.

Inside it is a stunning necklace with his band's box logo hanging from it.

"Take a closer look Y/N, I'm not just using this gift for self-promo," Matty insists.

You turn the necklace over in your hands to see that engraved on one side of the box is 'Matty + Y/N x'. Tears start to form in your eyes.

"Matty, this is beautiful thank you so much," you say through tears.

"I got it so that you have a little bit of me with you every day even when I'm away on tour," he explained.

"I love it!" You exclaim before pulling Matty into a long hug. You couldn't ask for a better Christmas.

Present Day (Aged 22)

Toying with the box necklace that has been on your neck ever since that day you can't help but smile. You can't believe how lucky you were to have Matty as a best friend and now as a housemate. You just hope your growing feelings aren't going to get in the way of it all.

Suddenly, there is an almighty crash right outside your bedroom door and you immediately get up to see what it is that Matty has likely broken. Instead, you find him standing in your hallway looking sheepish.

“What’s up Healy?” you ask concerned.

“Y/N I don’t think I can’t do this,” he admits.

“I’m sorry Matty, you’ll have to be a bit more specific. You can’t do what?”

“This,” he gestures around himself, seemingly at the towers of boxes in the hallway.

“Jesus Matty, we’ve only just got here. Give it a couple of days and all these boxes will be gone,” you reply, sounding exhausted.

“No, not that,” he stresses before blurting out, “I can’t live with you and pretend I don’t have feelings for you. I’ve been crushing on you ever since you got me that Valentine’s Day card years ago. And, to be honest, I thought you were beautiful even before then.”

You stand there in shock, unsure of what to say.

“I’ve fallen for you, hard, over the past few years. I love how much you enjoy our silly sentimental traditions, I love your company even when it's just sitting together in silence. I love your laugh, your beautiful eyes and the smile you do after eating a good slice of pizza. Look, what I’m trying to say is I love you. I can’t hide my feelings anymore and I get it if you want me to leave. But, I just had to let you know before I drove myself insane.” He confesses before looking down at his feet, clearly embarrassed.

“Matty,” you say as you take his face in your hands and look directly into his gorgeous brown eyes, “I love you too, have done for years” you confess. And, with that, you do the one thing that you’ve wanted to do for years, kiss your best friend.

Your breathing is heavy as your lips press together. It was like you’d been preparing for this your whole life as you feel yourself relax into Matty’s warmth. You can feel the thud of Matty’s heart against your chest as he threads his fingers through your hair. You both know this could easily go further, without question, but there is so much that needs to be said first.

As you slowly pull away from each other, you hear Matty mutter, “Holy shit!”

You are sure your cheeks have gone bright red but you don’t mind at all as you confess to Matty, “Well, I don’t think we can exactly pretend we don’t have feelings for each other anymore.”

“According to all our friends, I was quite poor at hiding them anyway Y/N. I mean how didn't you realise I wrote Fallingforyou about you!"

You stand there shocked at the declaration Matty has just made.

"But it seems you were completely oblivious to that and many other things,” he jokes.

“Says you,” you manage to get out between laughs, “You were just as oblivious as me!”

You both stand there for a few seconds in contented silence, holding one another, before Matty asks “So, where do we go from here then?”

“I mean we’ve seemingly missed a few crucial steps and already have a place together so, I guess we continue unpacking, take things at our own pace and see where this goes. We already know each other pretty well and we’ve got years ahead of us, so let's just take this as it comes," you suggest.

"That sounds perfect to me! I love you Y/N” Matty professes.

“I love you too and I'm so glad I can finally say that out loud” you declare before your lips hurry to find his again.

Looking back on it now, you can’t believe how oblivious you had both been to the fact that you had been slowly falling for each other over the years. Who knows where this would go from here? But, one thing about it is certain, you cannot wait to find out.

#matty x reader #matty healy fic #matty healy x reader #matty the 1975 #matty healy #matty healy x y/n #matty healy x you #the 1975 fic #matty healy the 1975 #the 1975

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coffeeandcalligraphy · 2 months

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After death | Lost Gods

He looks at the skyline ahead of him, its famous shapes that tourists gape at like they’re observing a gorilla in an enclosure. It’s all grey to him, not just because of the looming storm but because the grids of buildings and lights have become boring in a way that seems fatal—this city is a dead thing on earth, he doesn’t care what anyone says. It’s all post-mortem—the blinking traffic lights, shafts of sunlight interrupted by high-rises, yellow taxis honking, honking, honking, like they’re shouting a prayer. He feels sort of like that too, caught in kitschy after death.

A little Harrison art <3 !! And an excerpt from the opening of Lost Gods!

4 years ago today I finished writing his very first solo novel, Moth Work, & I’m kind of in awe of how far we’ve come in that short time… 4 novels & 2 novellas narrated by this man who’s a little embarrassing and a whole lot profound (but you didn’t hear that from me!). A few more thoughts under the cut, but here’s a little note I made myself in 2020, the only note I’ve ever made after finishing a book (possibly because finishing this one changed my life a little).

TW for mentions of: mental illness, trauma in the mental health system, internalized homophobia

Technically I finished Moth Work at 2:34AM because I lived on the west coast at the time lol.

I don’t usually celebrate or remember the anniversaries of finishing books. But I wanted to celebrate this one because a) it’s Leap Day & I haven’t been able to commemorate what I was doing during the last one for 4 years, & b) because finishing MW was such a significant accomplishment!

I started MW in January of 2019 because I was struggling emotionally. At the time, I was racing to figure out “what was wrong with me” before flying across the country for uni in the summer (SPOILER I WAS JUST AUTISTIC LMAO), which led to a lot of stressful and traumatizing appointments with doctors. I desperately needed a book to cheer me up but a different one from my WIP at the time, especially because in 2018, I’d both discovered my voice and become really afraid of messing it up!

I also was taking a religion class at the time that was emotionally difficult for me because I felt reallyyyy alone and especially isolated in my queerness that I’d been hiding for a couple years at that point (& that I literally would not talk about at all, not even to people I trusted). When it became very clear I needed an outlet to explore my feelings (of being “unhelpable,” internalized homophobia, a general sense of aloneness/isolation) the decision of what I was going to write became pretty clear.

I’d written 3 stories in Harrison’s POV that predated MW starting in late 2018 (they were also my first explorations in third person present tense, which fun fact, I only tried in his POV because I’ve always written my notes ideas in that POV/tense combo, even when I only wrote first person!). I hadn’t written in a different POV character’s head beside’s Reeve’s since 2016, so it felt natural that the second character I felt closest to (Harrison!!!) could be a narrator. Funnily at this time Lonan was my favourite so I’m actually surprised I did not choose him but can we imagine how different things would be if I had???

I started Moth Work in my notes app (ICONIC) on January 16th 2019 at 11:37pm! The first chapter came pretty quickly, is actually quite non-linear for a bit, and was overall a lot of fun to write. I’d planned for the project to maybe be a short story or at the most a novella (does this sound familiar), nothing very long and definitely not a novel. I believe the goal word count was 5k which is so funny bc that’s exactly how Changing States & Lost Gods started!!!

And then the project stagnated, it wasn’t something I’d planned to write seriously, and I didn’t pick it back up until August of that year when my therapist at the time suggested I try to complete a “reach goal” as I was reaching Crisis and I guess I was so done with everything going on in my life that I was like okay fine!!!! I will write Moth Work as a novel!!!!

This book literally flew with me across the country… I wrote a lot of it late at night in my dorm with all the lights off after a long day on campus. I wrote a lot of it in my intro to sociology lecture LMAO. I wrote a lot of it on my phone. It was the first project (no literally) where I intentionally explored queerness, especially my own feelings as a (sort of?) catholic at the time. I explored atheism a lot! Something I needed to process my own feelings about faith & God. I explored what it’s like to be this completely unhelpable person because you’ve decided there’s no possible way to help yourself anymore (hiiii Lonan). I also explored (a bit like a premonition), what it’s like to care deeply for someone you can’t help (but that you very badly want to help).

And I almost didn’t finish the book! The imposter syndrome and insecurity went crazyyy when writing Moth Work. I didn’t feel like I was writing the First Person Retrospective Flowery Literary Fiction I’d deemed as the only possible “good writing.” (Still LOVE but I really was struggling seeing a very minor style shift, which is funnily much closer to my writing now than when I was writing the “best” way.) I deleted so much from this book. I couldn’t look at it. I was so embarrassed by it!! I made ultimatums with it!! I edited it so much but still couldn’t stand it! It was literally the safest space I had and I could barely be there a lot of the time!!!

SOOOO this is why I’m very proud of me for finishing it lol & while I would typically have celebrated the anniversary idk, in 2021, bc it didn’t exist until this year it felt apt to sit with those feelings now. I’m really proud of 17-year-old Rachel who was undiagnosed autistic & convinced I was a lost cause, who was sooo afraid of being queer I could only think of that through Lonan (& sometimes still do thx king 🫡) who literallyyyyy wrote a masterpiece in my collection that contains some of my best work (even if I only realized that 4 years later) & that’s been the start of EVERYTHING!

This is so much more than a book or an anniversary!! Somehow I made it through all the things I didn’t think were possible and now have written 2 books & 3 (writing the fourth) novellas allllll in this world. AND 2 additional novels in his POV!! Also thank you baby Rachel for Jeremiah. Like hello!!!! This is the only place I felt safe to be myself when I couldn’t be with anyone else! And there’s something priceless about that…

And it’s all bc of Harrison!!! Whoever I saw in that man in 2019… girl thank you!! Can’t explain what it’s like to grow with that character (who is sooo much more than that to me). Never would I have predicted where I am now. And IMO, that’s all thanks to him so ily fictional man in my head, this is soooo his day LOL.

& if you were here since the first MW update & made it this far… I MUST KNOW!!!!

#art #GETTING GUSHY UNDER THE CUT I COULDN’T HELP IT #tl;dr ily harrison #also everyone weigh in - what’s he listening to?????#IM THINKING OF READING SOME OF MW FROM THE PRINTED COPY #AT THE STREAM TOMORROW!!! SO COME!!!!#CELEBRATE THE DAY!!! YAYY!!!

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sparkly-skies · 5 months

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hi @esskuesli it's arsonist-chicken, I saw the first question and figured this would go on my band sideblog 😅

9 people you’d like to get to know better!

three ships: "Watch me being RPF trash right now" << aren't I always. You people with your Bojan/Kris fics have lured me in like a hinkypunk in the woods. Then from Blind Channel, there's always good old Aleksi/Olli, and of course Aleksi/Robin. If I was currently actively continuing to read Crooked Kingdom, I'd also probably say Inej/Kaz.

first ship: I don't remember but I remember the first fanfics I read were for Harry Potter, so probably something from there? Or Percy/Annabeth? Don't remember which came first tbh.

last song: plot line by Emlyn. this might be the first time I've gotten a good recommendation from oeticket/eventim, at least as far as I can tell from that song only.

last film: The Hunger Games - Mockingjay, part 1. I rewatched them the last few weeks and will hopefully have time soon for the last one, and in summer maybe to reread the books

currently reading: I have on my nightstand "Crooked Kingdom" (Six of Crows) which I started in summer and really want to pick up again, and after that, I have "Invisible Women" which I'm looking forward to even if I know I'll be pissed the whole time afjdklajsd.

currently watching: Nothing right now.

currently consuming: Hofer has the olive bread sticks again so I get those a lot with the spicy hummus. Also fruit tea because goddamn it's cold, why is it cold.

currently craving: Sleep. I had a class at a different uni again for which I usually leave my house at midnight and come back shortly after midnight the next day, and sleeping on the train is always a bit meh. also also also I'm having a sudden burst of motivation to finally write a fic I've been meaning to write for quite a while now but. Sleep must come first, then moving stuff, then uni stuff. Maybe during winter break though, I'll need something to keep me away from all the christmas fics anyway.

tagging: @leopardom @paleangels13 @n3ongold3n @ominousmotion @morbid-things @another-sun @kraeuterhexchen is this 9 yet, I can't do math but I heard you do

#and you're getting kittens!!! give them all the cuddles from me and have fun training them to be stubenrein!#tag game

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unexaltedonewhoisnotking · 1 year

Text

I’m 10-almost-11 years old. I’m with my classmates outside the hall at school, waiting for our ‘graduation ceremony’ from primary school to start. A member of the ancillary staff comes across us and asks why we aren’t in class; one or two people explain that we’re graduating today. She looks at me, brow furrowed deeply. “Even you?”

I’m… I don’t remember how old - somewhere around that same time. It’s summer. I’m at the beach with friends, some my age and some a year or two younger. We meet some other kids and start hanging out with them. When we talk about our ages they express doubt at mine. My friends insist it’s a joke and won’t allow me to tell the truth. They claim I’m two or three years younger than I really am.

I’m 12. It’s another summer. My friend, half a year older, won’t go swimming. Why not? “You’ll understand when you’re older,” she says. This is far from the only time people my age have given me that line. At least this time, when I learn about the truth almost a year later, it turns out to make sense to make it about ageing - most of the time it’s just about knowing more.

I’m 11, 12, 13, 14, 15. I’m in secondary school. My classmates have a running-joke conspiracy theory that I’m actually a year or two younger than them, and I got bumped up a couple years because I’m so smart. I don’t mind that, actually - it’s only a joke, not a genuine belief, and a core part of it still relies on acknowledging that I’m on their level.

I’m 17 years old. I’m overseas checking out a couple universities to apply to. Some of my family is there with me. Everybody addresses my sister, four years younger, as the prospective student before I tell them it’s me.

I’m 18. My parents and I are getting our first doses of the covid vaccine. Someone stops me at the door, saying that they’re only giving to adults at the moment and I should wait back here. They appear doubtful even when my parents confirm I’m not lying.

It’s months later. I’m still 18. We’re getting our second doses. The same thing happens again, beat for beat.

I’m 18-almost-19. I’ve procrastinated getting my driver’s licence and the pandemic pushed things back further. I get in the car for my first lesson. The instructor is surprised that I’m old enough to have a permit. “You’re sixteen?” “Eighteen, actually.” Now he’s even more stunned.

I’m 20. Plans had changed and I wound up staying home and attending uni here. It’s the first day of my third year. I join a line of other students outside the BCS office. The first thing the nearest person says, after I greet them and ask if they’re also getting lab manuals,is an exclamation of, “Aw, you’re so cute!” in the tone typically used for puppies and babies. You know I’m an adult; I’m at university with you, buying a book for a class.

I’m still 20. It’s only been a couple of months since that last incident. My sister is buying a watch, my mum and I are with her. Two of the ladies working at the store begin complimenting their hair and they talk about having dyed it. “What about you, small one?” the first lady asks me. I’ve never dyed my hair. I tell her that. She mentions how nice and curly it is, and my mum steps in to mention it used to be pin straight. I explain, “Yeah, it was really curly when I was little, then it straightened out. It only started getting curly like this again around the middle of secondary school.” I’m deliberate with that phrasing, after the ‘small one’ line: secondary school is behind me. The ladies are surprised. The hint doesn’t work to prevent them from saying something. “But you look like you’re still in school!”

I’m so tired of it. I get it: I’m short, I have a high pitched voice, I’m quiet. But why, why, why do you need to lie about my age. Why do you need to talk to a university student like an infant. Why do you need to address someone as ‘small one’ when speaking directly to them?

/rant

#rant #vent #man if I was a fictional character the discourse around shipping me would be rancid #fans would get my age wrong #then they’d hit me with #‘minor coded’

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flovoid · 24 days

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Hi!! It’s the slashed anon! I know you’ll be on hiatus for awhile but I wanted to leave this ask before I forget! Also I hope you’re well! First I’ll try to watch Marrowbone soon!

As for Rex, I hope that Rex’s fate isn’t solidified 😭 but that’s just because I adore him and he’s my favorite! Plus Fern 😭😭😭 I can’t imagine how hard that would be her fighting tooth and nail to try to find Rex and he’s just passed away in Avery’s arms after the two of them got rid of the King Piggler (I have no idea how they’re found I just had this image in my head ignore me lol). But anyways the heartbreak she probably felt makes my heart ache for her and Avery especially with Avery and Rex being hesitant to ever share their true feelings. 😭💔 Also childhood friends to lovers is literally my favorite trope so this hurts me (I know they never got to act of their feelings but still)!

I know this is a long ask again my bad! But I had a question about Phillip! Why is he an outcast? Did something happen in his past? Also him and Wendell clearly don’t like each other at first. I was wondering if there was a deeper reason for that?

OHHH I HOPE YOU ENJOY!!! (also I know I am still on hiatus but today I finally had for time for my self! the next 10 days I will be still busy… *rip*)

this is kinda long??? IDK I WILL JUST HIDE MOST OF IT TO NOT ANNOY YALL

I really am crazy. because it always breaks my heart when a character fighting/looking for another character but when they finally find them its just too late. I DONT WHY I LIKE THIS KINDA IDEA ITS LIKE HURTS BUT ALSO MAKE US THE WATCHERS GET SENTIMENTAL???? ajshsjjs idk I think its a neat way for writing hdhshs- BUT yes im still not sure if these SLASHED characters ending is official because when I first made them I was like they are just a cas sims and I might never go back to them, in the end everything depends to my motivation skhssh (I still think I will be extra into taking pictures of them on fall or summer)

AND YOU GUESSED IT RIGHT THIS IS HOW I IMAGINE IT REGARDING THEIR END AAAA- I feel youuu friend omg its genuinely hurts when two characters have DEEP connection and feelings for each but they never confessed😭

Wendell and Phillip were actually in the same high school (and same class too), Wendell were a jock and absolutely annoying like he was a BIG SHOWOFF he thought he was THE man just because he was the best player on their school (although their school was not really the best school regarding the sports part) sooo he just one day on a freshman year, called kinda bullied Phillip ‘chucky’ and the wholeeee school found it funny and some are now scared of Phillip as well smh its all your fault Wendell. thats why Phillip turned into an outcast (my baby dont deserve this he actually was insecure abot his looks and thought he looked weird now Wendell made it worse-). so they hated each other n had this beef their whole high school year. BUT WHATS REALLY FUNNY is that Wendell is not that a great of an athlete. he didnt get accepted in any rich academies or colleges that support sports (look idk how american call these- im arabic lolol) soo karma hits, and he got in the same uni AND same department as Phillip later on. till then Phillip is NOW the one calling him out😭 ossjsjsj soo yeah I imagine them having this silly banter in SLASHED like sometimes they can get unserious aksjsj (they run, scream, sometimes help each other from the killer but then remember that they hate each other so they go back arguing skjdjsjs literally enemies to friends?? hehe)

#rando flovoid shit #THIS IS LONG SORRY AGAIN. but I really like Wendell and Phillip dynamics lsshsh #also im still sobbing over Rex and Avery and sometimes I be imagining happy moments for Fern n Rex and I sobb #why am i like thiss #also anon I still think that you are sweet OMG LIKE I CANT BELIEVE I GOT THIS INTERESTED AAAA #I dont deserve youuuuu. you are the BEST #slashed facts

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alsjeblieft-zeg · 1 year

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240 of 2023

What are three things that were in style when you were in high school?

I’ve never paid much attention to fashion, but one thing I clearly remember was that all the girls were wearing skinny jeans and high boots.

What is one random fact about you?

There’s a photo of me sitting on a pantograph of a tram. It’s somewhere in my workmate’s phone.

Do you spend a lot of time outdoors in the summer?

Not only in summer. Also in winter.

What is your favorite summer month?

June, because the longest days.

What do you want to be for Halloween this year?

I don’t celebrate Halloween.

When do you plan to start decorating for fall?

I personally don’t see the point of cluttering the house for seasons other than Christmas and maybe Easter.

Every September, do you always wish you were going back to school?

In normal circumstances, this is when I come back to uni.

What was your favorite class in high school?

Anything to do with physics, biology, chemistry and computers.

Do you have a desk in your room? If so, do you use it as a desk that you sit and work at?

No, there’s no space for a desk.

Do you have a hope chest? If so, what do you keep in it?

No, never did.

What’s one goal that you have for yourself this year?

To improve my hand further.

Do you use a backpack?

I do, for work, uni and all travels.

What did your favorite backpack in high school look like?

I had a bag because it’s been my goth years.

Have you ever shopped at Limited Too? If yes, what was your favorite thing you owned from there?

Never heard of it.

Do you wear band tees? if yes, which one is your favorite?

Yeah, I have three Vildhjarta tees and my favourite is the one with wolves.

What color is your desk in your room, if you have one?

I don’t have a desk.

Would you ever want to live in a home with all-white walls and furniture?

Yes, but with some colourful accents here and there.

Do you have pajama days often?

No, almost never.

What was the last flavor of tea you drank?

I don’t drink tea.

What was the last thing you ordered from Starbucks?

Probably hot chocolate.

Do you have a favorite barista at Starbucks?

No, I order online.

What is one thing you’re behind on?

Physical mobility.

Do you ever re-arrange your room?

Never.I hate moving the furniture, and I’m physically disabled anyway.

Do you share a room with anyone?

I share a bedroom with my husband.

Who was your first roommate?

No one, I guess. My sister had her own room.

Do you ever talk to your first roommate?

N/A.

What season do you want to get married in?

I’m married already, it was March.

Do you own a teepee?

What is teepee?

Frosting: chocolate or vanilla?

Vanilla, but I don’t like frosting.

Ice cream: chocolate or vanilla?

Chocolate for once, even though I don’t like chocolate that much.

Milkshake: chocolate or vanilla?

Strawberry, checkmate.

Do you drink protein shakes?

No, their taste is awful.

What was the last type of candy you ate?

I on’t remember, I’m not much of a candy guy.

Do you take birth control pills?

I don’t see any reason why a person who is a biological male would take them, unless for ruining their hormonal system or transitioning into female.

What was the last craft project you completed?

I usually don’t do crafts, unless photography counts.

Which is better: starting things or finishing them?

Finishing. Very satisfying.

Is your style bohemian at all?

No, I don’t see myself like that.

What is the highest name-brand thing you own?

I think Calvin Klein.

Have you ever sold on Poshmark?

No, I’m not even sure if it operates here. But I’ve sold on 2dehands.be and it even worked.

Do you have a Poshmark account?

No, I don’t.

What color GameBoy did you have as a kid?

I didn’t have any.

What was your favorite GameBoy game?

None.

What was your favorite Backstreet Boys song?

What, I’ve never listened to them. I’m a dude, after all.

Did you ever wonder what it felt like to get slimed?

I don’t even know what that means.

Did you ever name a pet after an imaginary friend?

Never had an imaginary friends.

Have you ever hallucinated?

Guess so.

Do you believe in angels and demons?

Not really.

What is holding you back from living your dreams?

Health problems.

Do you have a paypal account?

I do. It’s handy when my bank card doesn’t work (it does only on Belgian websites).

Do you like your hair better curly or straight?

I like it short, that’s it. The rest doesn’t matter.

#survey #q&a survey #random survey

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crypter-047 · 2 years

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Departure + Mid-Year Patch Notes (June-2022)

Sup everyone! School's officially let out (for everyone including non-graduating classes that is), and we're all enjoying the summer alongside the relaxation it offers.

I've currently come back to Taiwan to meet up with my mother's side of the family. The first 3 days of home quarantine have elapsed, so now I'm just enjoying home to the fullest :)

With IB results coming out in a little less than 3 weeks, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't apprehensive at all. Although we took the non-exam contingency, it still feels like a really big moment in our lives (as it does literally decide a great part of our future).

The biggest thing I have for this post would probably be the farewells I've had to say. Our goodbyes amongst friends + classmates were relatively un-tearful (with exception to one of my friends who's also come back to Taiwan hahah. We'll be meeting back up in London), and I just thought that would be the general trend for my departure from China this time round.

But uhh yeah that didn't happen lol.

On our way to the airport, transferring between rides on a rest stop to avoid weird quarantining logistics, my mom got a voice message from my childhood babysitter. She's well into her 60s now, and with a mild fever she wasn't able to visit us before we left.

Listening to her message, I think many of the emotions that I've put on hold have unbottled themselves. I stayed largely in a state of numbness for the countless "farewell" (mostly an excuse to just hang out again hahah) parties and meetups, and watching our year group of 33 dwindle down to a measly 15-ish as many departed for their home countries and uni destinations was a weird experience.

It was until that moment, did some of the true weight of my departure really land. Hearing her voice and realizing that it would be so long till I saw her and many of my relatives and friends here in China again. That by the time I came back - if I came back to the same city, that is - so much of what I consider to be my hometown would look nothing like it did before.

Over the past few months, I've been biking whenever I could, around the city, trying to capture its essence, and that beautiful fusion of modernity and antiquity it held. Noticing the things that I have, in the past 17 or so years, just simply not slowed down to observe. I suppose it's thanks to this newfound emptiness in my schedule and wanderlust in my mind, that I've been able to really admire the city as she is before my departure.

Alongside that, trips have also been made easier by the metro. I still remember the opening of the metro line right next to my compound in Grade 5/ Year 6, and have since then been using it constantly to meet with friends, reach places, and for a while during my last year of high school, commute to and from school (combined with the public buses). I live pretty far away from my school and consequently, many of my classmates, but on the last day before leaving, a few of them were able to come to my place. I went with them around the city one final time. To have my closest friends see an otherwise relatively untouched aspect of my life was, to say the least, an interesting feeling to leave on.

Hearing the voice message by my babysitter, seeing the city blend into the highway leading to the airport, I think it finally registered to me that I would not be seeing any of this for a long, long, long, long time. And the same would be true for my group of friends. Despite the late-night hugs outside of the metro station as we waited for my cab, despite our group chats on various forms of social media. I knew that by the next time we met in person, we would all have grown, and changed, and that group dynamic would have shifted in some way.

And that, in short, it just wouldn't be the same.

I thanked my past self for choosing the shotgun seat on the van as I looked out the window and the passing view blurred with tears. Wearing glasses and a mask made it easier to pretend I wasn't crying, but in 2020 hindsight I probably shouldn't have went with calling it a runny nose.

My mood did get better as the tears fell (to be honest, the driver and my parents' complaints about the local COVID prevention administrations probably helped). I knew that there was little to remedy against about me leaving what was basically all my life behind, and that what I could do is wish for the best, and keep in frequent touch with all my friends and family.

After around 14 hours in travel time, we arrived at our home in Taiwan. Doing minimal unpacking and having a brief dinner, we went to bed. Though sadness from leaving China still remained, much of it was accompanied by a joy in reuniting with family that I have been separated from for two and a half years.

I suppose that's most of the process (?). Your guess would be as good as mine as to whether I'd wake up some day crying, feeling more homesick and nostalgic than ever to the high school days and life that I've barely left behind, missing the friends and family that I would not be seeing in person for such a long time.

But, for the first time in a while, I'll soon be facing a new chapter of my life, saying more hellos than goodbyes, in a vast new environment that I'll be able to call my second home for these next four years.

Plus, this farewell is pretty short-lived for many of my friends. Whether it be a planned circum-Taiwan biking trip, or literally going to the same university, reunions are already in place for many of those in our year group. And I believe that with the strong bonds we've forged over the two, the four, heck, the thirteen years, that our class of 2022 will never be too far away from one another.

as per usual, thanks for sitting through the word vomit that is this post. i'll keep my fingers crossed that tumblr's new post editor doesn't eat this up, and hopefully, be able to update y'all with more news now that i'm in Taiwan. see you soon! <3

#summer #relax #university #goodbyes #new chapter #class of 2022 #graduation

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