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#i remember that i didn't want to play girls or women when my sister and i played with playmobil and shit
garrison-girl-08 · 3 months
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F*ck Buddies
Pairing- Modern Thomas Shelby and Reader
(Mini series)
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It was New Year’s Eve, a night for celebrating and reminiscing. Your first night out, with your friends in what felt like forever. A short, emerald green, sequin dress had been your choice of outfit. Sparkles and more sparkles, it was the festive season after all.
After a bottomless brunch, you had moved on to a club. A group of ten girls, plenty of Prosecco consumed. The night was just getting started.
Stubbing your cigarette out with your four inch heel, you made your way back inside of the club. The bouncer gave you a sneaky wink, he knew you, they all did. Strolling back to your table, oozing confidence you felt your phone vibrate. Shivering, you rubbed your legs to get warm.
"That's my last one, no more shots," you warned your friend Daisy, whilst checking your phone.
"You could get into a lot of trouble, wearing that dress xoxo," the message read. Keeping your expression neutral, you pondered your reply. Whilst swallowing down the flavoured Vodka. Hissing, at the burning in your throat.
"You know me... I attract trouble," you replied, he was here somewhere. He must be.... it was their club after all.
"Damn right, no kiss? xx" he replied, you knew he would be watching you. A rush of excitement ran through you.
It had been over two weeks, since you last heard from Tommy. Not that you were counting, you didn't care!
Honestly, he was a bit if fun….
You were the same for him. No doubt when he was horny, you would get the flowers, the texts, the phone calls. He would turn up at your door, looking his usual sexy self.
And well.... a girl has needs too. Right?
"I attract trouble, remember? On my best behaviour tonight," you replied, biting your lip.
"We both know you are a dirty girl xoxo,"
Laughing, you put your phone back into your bag. It was girls night, you weren't being sucked into his games. No you would ignore him now. He could come to you, if he wanted to.
“Don't do it," your friend Lottie laughed, "Don't go there again, you will catch feelings,"
"Feelings?" you laughed, "I was texting my sister,"
What a lie, they could see right through you. And fuck.... you were already thinking about the last time, you had been with Tommy. You had barely got through his front door, you had let him ride your dress up. And fuck you hard, on his stairs.
"She make your nipples that hard?" Lottie laughed, making the whole crowd erupt.
Truthfully though, you knew your friends were worried about you. Months and months, you and Tommy had been Fuck Buddies. It was getting too involved. He was divorced twice, two kids, with two different women.
No, you didn't need that drama.
Your life was stress free, no one to answer to. No one to worry about.
"Let's go and dance," you stated, standing up, adjusting your dress. You didn't want to discuss this, not tonight. It was time to have fun, and let your hair down.
Tommy watched you from across the room, you hadn't even replied to his text! You wanted him to beg? Was that it? He could get a fuck anytime he wanted. He didn't need to start getting attached.
A fuck was a fuck, wasn't it?
Why did he keep going back to you?
Running his tongue along his lips, he watched your hips swaying to the music. Your dress riding up your thighs. The same thighs that had been wrapped around his neck. When he had made you cum, made you beg for more.
For fucks sake Tommy. Look away, just look away. There's at least another hundred hot girls in here. Plus the groupies at his table.
"Here you go, brother," John laughed, handing him a napkin, "Wipe the drool away,"
"Very fucking funny, ey," Tommy barked, picking up his drink. You wanted him to watch didn't you? wanted him to go over. Well, he could play the long game. Couldn't he?
What the fuck?...
Blinking his eyes in disbelief, he glared at the man dancing with you. The man you were letting dance with you. His hands on your waist, sliding further down. Looking up at the man, he watched you laugh as he spoke into your ear.
What was so fucking funny?
“Going for a smoke,” Tommy snapped at his brothers, striding across the club.
Determined not to look at you again. Not to give you any of his attention. His blood was boiling, he could actually feel it rushing through his veins. What the fuck were you doing? Trying to make him jealous?
It would take more than that, he scoffed to himself. Taking out his phone, his finger hovered over your name. Should he text you? Ask who the stranger was?
“Got a light?” His phone beeped, it was you.
Should he reply? So, he was good enough to use for a light...
“That a no then?” You asked, now stood in front of him. Cigarette perched, between your glossed lips. One hand on your hip, an image of Sandy from Grease entered his head.
Taking out his lighter, he leant forward lighting it for you. Even through the nicotine, he could smell your perfume. The same perfume that had been on his sheets, numerous times.
Leaning against the wall next to him, you looked Tommy up and down. Dark suit jacket, with a white shirt. Hmmm….
“Cat for your tongue, Thomas?” You asked, nudging his elbow.
Blowing his smoke away, he finally looked at you. “Maybe I just don’t have anything to say, eh?” There was an undertone to his answer, an aggressive tone ? Was that it?
“What’s up with you? Did you not get a chocolate in your Christmas stocking?” You laughed, waving across at one of your friends who was leaving.
Stubbing out his cigarette, he raised his eyebrow. “Don’t worry darling, I have plenty of sweet treats lined up,”
With his parting statement, he walked back into the club. What the hell was that meant to mean? Sweet treats ? Women? He was the one who had text you!
Oh well… if that’s how he wanted to be. You would still enjoy your night.
You had finally come to realise, you would never understand men.
Back on the dancefloor, you tried to forget about Tommy. He had riled you though, why would he even say that? You were quite clear that you both weren't inclusive. He had a busy life, two ex wives, and two kids to keep happy. Plus, numerous businesses.
You were just a bit of fun, and he was the same for you. You had actually been friends for a while. You knew his sister, and would often be in one of his bars on a weekend. Plus, he went to the same gym where you taught fitness classes.
You had caught him staring at you. He made it so obvious.
You kept bumping into each other, the chemistry was there. Instantly. It was only a matter of time, before you ended up having sex. Again and again.
Feeling Marcus pull your hand, you turned looking up at him. Starting to dance together again. Tommy watching you both from above. A bit of teasing wouldn't hurt, staring Tommy in the eye. You ground your hips against Marcus.
He was only a friend, and he was gay. Not that Tommy needed to know that. You could have your own sweet treat, as he put it.
Feeling Marcus move away, you span around seeing two bouncers beside him. "Can you come with us, we have reason to believe you have brought drugs into the venue?"
Without giving him chance to answer, they marched him off the dancefloor. Through the club, towards the exit. Drugs? Marcus would never touch drugs!
Looking back up at Tommy, he winked, raising his glass. He had done this!!
Seriously!!!
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byunpum · 11 months
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What will happen when Jake learn from Neytiri and his sister how before the war there are some Navi men and women from different tribes try to court his sister and even after the war they still try to ask her as a mate but still gotten shut down each time
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Pair: Human reader x neytiri x jake (family moments)
Warning: None, neytiri and reader being bestie. More auntie content <3
AVATAR MASTERLIST 
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"Do you remember that guy…what was his name?" speaks Neytiri. As they both laughed and worked on the family dinner. Watching their children run around the hut and play. Jake was sitting next to his partner, also helping to prepare everything. His sister didn't live with them, but used to spend time in the family home. "The one who had given you that nice necklace, a couple of months ago" says neytiri.
"Ohh are you talking about Lewaymä, yes I remember him. He was cute" you chuckle a little. While neytiri pats you on the shoulder. "You're talking like he's dead…I'm asking you if you remember him. Because he asked me about you" says neytiri, laughing mischievously. "Ahh yes?, I thought he had a mate" you say as you continue to cut some fruit.
"Well no…he's single and he told me he was still interested in you." Neytiri looked excited about it. It could have been a long time since you two met. But when you were together you felt like children again.
You two had met years ago, even before Jake came to Pandora. You were one of the youngest humans to arrive at pandora, at the age of 16. Your intelligence and dedication helped you get a scholarship. Joining grace's team, and living with the navis. There you met all the Omaticaya clan and were quickly accepted. Still having your human body. You couldn't have an avatar, because of some DNA complications. So you were also one of those humans that were taken as a sample to see how the navis and humans behaved.
You and Neytiri became very close friends very quickly, you were both the same age. And you liked to talk, walk and learn from both of you. It hurt you very much when you had to separate, it was like another loss for Neytiri. You had spent so much time together, that when you saw each other after a while, when jake was entering the clan. Neytiri's emotion was unique, hugging you and giving you lots of kisses. Even mo'at and her father embraced you, calling you daughter, welcoming you as part of the clan. Even tsu'tey got excited when he saw you.
"What man are you talking about?" asked Jake, now he was the one who was surprised. His little sister had lovers? He couldn't believe it. It wasn't that you were ugly or anything. You were a beautiful, talented and kind woman. But he was surprised that Navi men were interested in a human. "Lewaymä he's been after Y/N for years" says neytiri.
"Are you kidding me?" says Jake, turning to mock you. You give him a quick punch in the arm. "What's wrong with you, you idiot!!!" you yell a little, throwing a piece of food at your brother. "Even if you don't believe it, I have my lovers…very good lovers" you say snickering a little. You can hear how jake laughs out loud, looking at neytiri who was looking at him with a bad look.
"Laugh all you want…but Y/N has made the best warriors of some of the clans fall in love with her. Remember when Tìnzaik had started to seduce you?" says neytiri. You blush at the memory. A navi girl from the war clan had tried to court you. It was not a common thing, but for her you were so interesting and beautiful. You had been in that clan for a while, doing some tours with grace. Of course you rejected the proposal, you didn't feel ready. But Neytiri had been teasing you all week about what happened.
"Are you serious?" Jake still didn't believe it. You decided to ignore him, while you and Neytiri kept talking about your stuff. You weren't going to lose your patience with your brother. After a while, Neytiri ordered jake to go get some things so we could finish dinner. Jake came out of the house, picked up what neytiri ordered him to pick up. But he stopped for a moment, when he saw a tsu'tey approaching. Always with that perfect posture, stunning. Jake noticed that the man had some object in his hand.
"Jakesully" says tsu'tey, laughing a little as he approached him. "Is something wrong?" asks jake, the man can see how his colleague is getting a little nervous. The more he talked to him the more he could notice how he kept moving anxiously, until he interrupts him out of nowhere. "Jake…mmm I don't know if you can" says tsu'tey, lifting the object he had in his hands. Handing the gift to jake.
"And what is this?" asks jake. Tsu'tey swallows hard. "It is for Y/N…. I would like you to give it to her" says tsu'tey. He is sure that his plan was going to work. "And what's in this?" says jake. Tsu'tey becomes nervous. "You just hand this to her…she'll understand" says tsu'tey, waving goodbye to jake. Walking as fast as he could, jake watched as tsu'tey even stumbled a bit as he walked away.
Jake arrived at the hut, approaching you. You and Neytiri were joking, while you were holding lo'ak in your arms. "Love here are the things you asked for…and Y/N tsu'tey told me to give you this" says Jake handing you the wrapped object. It was very beautiful, you could see that everything was handmade and with a unique delicate touch. "And this?" you were surprised. Tsu'tey had never given you anything before.
"He didn't say why he sent it?" said Neytiri, coming closer to you. To look at the new gift. "No…he just gave it to me and then left. He looked a little nervous," says Jake. Neytiri lets out a cry of excitement, hugging you and wiggling like a little girl. This surprised Jake, Neytiri never acted like this with him…it was always with you that she shared these emotions. "Open it…I think I know what it is" says the woman, watching as you slowly open the gift. You had to admit that you felt a little nervous…after all it was tsu'tey.
Opening the gift, you could see that it was a top. It was so beautiful, it had beautiful rocks, you could see the details of the vine patterns that probably had been chosen with care. You took the piece carefully and placed it on your chest. It was your size, it was perfect. "It's very pretty…aunt y/n" says lo'ak, touching the gift carefully. "I know…it's beautiful" you speak, still admiring the gift.
"Ahhhh it's a courting gift..tsu'tey is courting you!!! you have to say yes!!!!" neytiri says, your sister-in-law was so excited. "I don't know…" you start talking. "Tsu'tey?" says jake a little surprised. You quickly turn around to take a look at your brother. You laugh a little and give a complicity look to neytiri. She laughs and understands what you want to tell her.
"You know what…maybe I did accept this gift" you say. Jake settles down and gets a little upset. "Ahh no, no…tsu'tey no" jake says. You raise your hand and place your index finger on your brother's lips making him shut up. "Shhhh you shut up" you speak, taking the gift in your hands again. Neytiri starts laughing hysterically, teasing her mate. Jake gets upset, taking lo'ak from your arms.
"I think he's upset now," Neytiri says, laughing as you stick your tongue out at your brother.
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nataliasquote · 4 months
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Double the trouble [pt.1] | n romanoff
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Double the trouble au: part 1, part 2
Summary: Natasha and Wanda’s teenage twin daughters are a lot to handle, but despite their differences and arguments, there’s nothing they wouldn’t do for each other
Warnings: none
Pairings: WandaNat
wc: 3.9k
note: my first time putting a one shot on tumblr. Here goes nothing
— ⧗ —
"Y/N! Mom told me to come wake you. You're gonna be late." Isla stood at the door, her arms folded with a cocky smirk plastered on her face.
Y/N groaned and turned over in her bed, flinging an arm over her face as she squinted into the light to see who was speaking. The familiar outline of her twin sister came into view and she rolled back over.
"Y/N. Get up. Or don't. It's not my fault if you're late." And with that, the girl was gone, the door swinging shut as a cloud of floral perfume was all that was left in her place.
"Good morning to you too." Y/N muttered under her breath as she pulled her phone off charge and checked the time. Her stomach dropped as 7:19 flashed up on her screen. School started at 8:00. They left at 7:45. She did not have long at all.
"Isla I'm gonna kill you!" The distressed teenager screamed out, running over to her closet to pull out the first half decent outfit she could find. Any feeling of tiredness evaporated from her body as she got dressed, which was probably the only positive to come out of this morning.
A knock sounded on her bedroom door as she pulled her shirt over her head. Wanda's head popped around before she saw it was safe for her to enter. She watched her daughter getting frustrated over her hair for a moment before walking over with a plate of freshly made toast and fruit. There wasn't much time to eat it but Wanda was the kind of mother who made sure all of her girls were fed. Even when Nat was feeling stubborn.
"Good morning sweetheart. I brought breakfast." It was an obvious thing to send but Y/N smiled gratefully at her in the mirror for a split second before a large tangle in her hair caused her to wince.
"Thanks Mom."
"Do you want me to send Mama up to help with your hair?" As a typical mom, Wanda collected a few spare cups from her daughter's desk and stacked them in her hand. Y/N attacked her hair with her hairbrush before setting it down on the table with a thud.
"No! I'm not 4! I can do my own hair!" She exclaimed. She didn't normally talk to Wanda that way, but the stress of being late was taking its toll so Wanda didn't take offence.
"Okay. Well, you've got 15 minutes."
Y/N groaned loudly and started on her make up, having given up on her hair. A ponytail would suffice for today. She did not have the patience.
"Isla, you know you can't leave without your sister. So I don't know what trick you're playing on her, but if she's late then you're late." Wanda went into stern mother mode as she entered the kitchen, where her eldest (by 11 minutes) was sat at the table drinking her breakfast smoothie.
The teenager looked up in offence at her mother, who just shot her a warning look. "I didn-" She was cut off by another glare from Wanda.
The mother tapped the side of her head. "Mind reader. Remember?"
"What's this about mind reading?" Nat questioned as she walked into the kitchen, going straight over to her wife to wrap her in a hug and a kiss. Isla turned back to her phone and the women looked over at their daughter. "And where's Y/N?"
"Well, someone turned her sister's alarm off so she's currently rushing around upstairs."
Nat sent her famous disappointed look to Isla, who cowered slightly. Wanda was easy to get around, often being far too soft with her girls. Natasha was the tough parent, but she still cared. Being a dance teacher and studio owner meant she was an expert in tough love. "Isla... why?"
The teenager shrugged. "I don't know. I just thought it was funny. I was gonna wake her up but I lost track of time." She pulled a lock of perfectly curled hair out of her face and Nat knew what had made her 'lose track of time'.
"You don't do that again, okay?" Isla nodded, not wanting to start an argument before 8am. She wasn't a bad person, but her ideas of teasing her sister and playing jokes weren't exactly the best.
"Hey my love," Wanda hummed as Nat passed her again with a kiss. "Can you go see if Y/N needs any help? She might benefit from your braiding skills today, even though she was okay."
Natasha smiled, nodding. She loved braiding her daughters' hair. Even at 17, when the twins claimed they were too old for it, they secretly loved Nat's braids. Especially Y/N, who found her mom doing her hair at lot during dance show season.
There was just over 5 minutes before they needed to leave so Nat tentatively entered Y/N's room, observing the girl before talking. The teenager was threading her earrings into her ears, the rest of her jewellery already in place. Make up was scattered across the desk and her hairbrush was on the other side of the room. Her hair hung down her back in a dark red curtain, the ends curling naturally slightly. It looked smooth but wasn't styled, and Nat smiled.
"Hey sweet girl. Can I help?" She sat on Y/N's bed slightly, picking up the backpack by the floor and slotting her daughter's laptop and charger into the right compartment. She didn't snoop around, but instead put it back on the floor by her feet.
"I just need to finish my make up. How long do I have?" Y/N took a bite of toast as Nat checked her watch.
"5 minutes. Do you want braids? I can do them in 2 minutes. And I won't be in your way." Y/N was hesitant as she applied her concealer, frantically blending it in. Wasn't her neatest job but she still wanted to be presentable.
"Okay but please make it quick."
Nat sprung into action, gathering up a small section of hair to begin braiding. The two worked in silence, with there being no time to walk. As Nat tied off the first braid, Y/N leaned forwards to curl her lashes before Nat started again on the other side. The braids were only small, taking the front sections of Y/N's hair to keep them out of her face during the day.
Being a dancer, she kept her hair long but there was so much of it that it got in the way a lot. So she rarely had it fully down, either claw clips or braids holding back. Isla rarely wore braids, wanting to differentiate herself from her sister at school. They got mixed up enough as it was.
"Okay. All done." Nat stepped back as Y/N applied her final coat of lipgloss. She smiled as she saw the braids but didn't have time to admire them before a jangle of keys was heard and a voice yelled up the stairs.
"Y/N! Let's go!"
"Always so polite." Nat said sarcastically with a smile to Y/N. She handed her daughter her backpack and gave her a quick hug before the girl rushed out of the room, Nat following behind more calmly.
"Love you Mama! Love you Mom!" Y/N shouted over her shoulder, running out of the house with a slice of her toast in her hand.
"Have a great day girls." The women called out, watching the car pull away from the driveway. Isla got her permit before Y/N so she was the designated taxi girl in the family now. Y/N hated it, but driving wasn't her strongest suit so she stuck out the irritating chatter of her sister until she was finally ready for her own permit.
"Everyday I'm still surprised at how similar yet so different they are." Wanda commented, her hands wrapped round her mug of tea. Nat mirrored her from her side, her mug containing coffee instead.
"They look like a carbon copy of each other and yet sometimes I feel it's like they're from different planets." This made Wanda laugh slightly, her breathy giggle never failing to put a smile on her wife's face.
"I mean, you wouldn't find Isla in a dance studio anymore. But then Y/N practically lives there. And you wouldn't find her on the athletics track either, unlike Isla. We must have done something right... right?"
Nat sidled up to her wife and wrapped her arms around her waist, mug now abandoned on the counter. "You, my dear, are the best mom those girls could ask for." She looked into the green eyes she knew far too well before pressing a kiss to the lips she had memorised and could draw in her sleep. "We've done everything we can do for them. And our girls are the toughest girls in the world."
"And they're ours."
"Our little babies." Nat said with a soft smile, her head leaning down to rest on Wanda's shoulder.
"Don't let Y/N hear you saying that. She was snappy about me thinking she was 4 earlier."
"That girl is a whirlwind. She's as wild as her hair sometimes." Wanda reached up and pushed a lock of Nat's red hair behind her ear, admiring the colour which matched the twins' almost perfectly.
"And I know just where she gets it from." The Sokovian said with a smile before kissing her wife. Nat tried to deepen it now it was just them, but Wanda pulled back. "I have work to do. As much as I'd love to stay here with you all day, those emails won't answer themselves." She left the room with an aura of grace surrounding her and Nat found herself staring at the door way long after she was gone.
— ⧗ —
The day went by quite fast. Wanda worked in her office until 4pm, whilst Nat left for her studio at 1pm to start preparing that evening's classes. Competition season was a stressful time but she handled herself well, staying on top of what she needed and when.
The final bell rang and the corridors were soon filled with hoards of teenagers, everyone racing to get home as quickly as possible. Y/N and Isla stopped by their lockers, chatting with friends as they exchanged the textbooks needed for tonight's homework.
Despite their quarrels and petty arguments, the twins shared the same group of friends at school. They were known by everyone, but Bucky, Maria, Clint, Kate and Steve made up their main group. They were pretty popular, partly due to the fact that there wasn't a single person who disliked their moms. Nat and Wanda were the favourite parents which somehow elevated the girls' social status in school. Maybe it was also because of the parties they were allowed to host.
Natasha and Wanda's main focus was to give their girls as normal of a life as they possible could. Which meant letting them live like teenagers. Going to football games, school dances, hosting house parties, trips to the mall with friends. Anything that normal teenagers did was allowed. Alcohol was monitored and smoking and drugs was a strict no. But the twins followed the rules, knowing they were a lot luckier than most.
"Shit. Mom needs me in the studio." Y/N read aloud as her locker slammed shut. Isla peered down at her sister's phone and sighed.
"Y/N I've got track practice in 15 minutes. I can't get you there and back in time." Her sports bag hung off her shoulder and she watched her sister grab the emergency dance bag from her locker that she kept purely for times like this. "Well, I suppo-"
"I can take you" Bucky spoke. He was leaning with his back against the lockers like he usually did, watching Y/N with a soft smile.
"No I-" Isla started to protest but stopped herself. She knew how much Bucky was crushing on her sister and she was in full support. "Actually, Bucky, that would be amazing." Everyone else was aware of his crush, all except Y/N. She was completely oblivious, which obviously Isla took full advantage of and teased her about it almost on a daily basis.
"Do you know where it is?" Y/N asked casually. She had been crouched down by her bags to swap her stuff over and so had missed the looks and glances that everyone shared as Bucky offered. So as she stood back up everyone was smiling wide which confused her. "What?"
"Yeah my little sister does ballet on saturdays there and I pick her up sometimes." Bucky had already fished his car keys out and was tossing them in his hand.
Y/N noticed her sister's smirk out of the corner of her eye as they all walked to the exit of the school. "Isla, what is it?"
"Nothing. You guys have fun. But not too much fun." And with a wink, she turned towards the track and ran off to join her friends who were already on their way over in the distance. Everyone else said goodbye and went their separate ways for the night, leaving Bucky and Y/N by his car.
Y/N was definitely the kindest out of the twins, so she could easily make conversation with anyone. She didn't think anything special of the car ride to her mom's studio, except maybe that Bucky was really nice to offer her a ride. It was only a 10 minute drive but she was still so grateful.
"Thanks a lot for this, by the way." Y/N said as she stared out of the window. She knew this route like the back of her hand but something about the sun shining through the trees made it extra special today.
Bucky shook his head. "It's no problem. Always happy to help."
Y/N looked over and smiled at him. "You're a really good friend. I'm glad I've got you."
Bucky's smile slipped but he fixed it quickly as they came to a red light. Once again he was pushed back into the friend zone, but it was his fault for not making his feelings known. As he looked over at her, the sun catching her red hair, making it look like fire, her body swaying slightly to the music of "You Make Loving Fun", he realised just how much he liked her. But Y/N was sweet to everyone, so it held him back. Maybe she didn't see him the way he saw her. Or maybe she liked someone else.
His thoughts had distracted him and the lights turned green, earning a soft poke in the arm from Y/N who gestured to the lights.
They both hummed along to the music and chatted the rest of the way, Y/N sending her mom a quick text as they caught the rush hour traffic.
"You really are amazing for doing this. I'll pay you back at some point, I promise!" Y/N gratefully thanked him as she grabbed her bags to climb out of the car. Bucky offered to get out and help but Y/N's stubborn nature refused any help.
"Don't worry about it. Enjoy yourself. You're an amazing dancer!" He leaned out of the window and waved as he drove off, sending a blush creeping across Y/N's face.
Maybe the feelings were reciprocated. Just a little...
"Hey angel," Nat called out as Y/N walked through the main entrance doors.
"Hi Mama."
"Who was that outside?" Nat asked after Y/N said hi to the receptionist. She made her way over to her mother, who was stood by the door to the main studio and cafe.
"Oh, Bucky gave me a lift here. Isla had track so she couldn't get back in time." Nat couldn't help the smirk that crept onto her face, identical to the one Isla wore just before they left school.
"Oh so that's Bucky? Nice." She turned around and walked down the hall, leaving Y/N to chase after her.
"What's that supposed to mean?" The teenager called out, but Nat just shrugged and checked the windows outside studio 1b. "Mama. Please tell me. Isla had the same smirk. I'm not stupid so just tell me what's going on."
Y/N's huff and pout made Nat 'aw' and she pinched her daughter's cheek before her hand was quickly slapped away. "Nothing baby. I just expected to see Isla, that's all. Not Bucky."
Y/N folded her arms over her chest, careful not to let her backpack or sports bag slip off her shoulders. "I don't believe you."
Nat patted her on the head and unlocked the door to the studio. "Okay. Now come on. I want to work on your solo. We have that turns section to sort out so hurry up and get changed."
Y/N groaned and dropped her back off her shoulder, where it landed with a muffled thud ad her feet. "Mom give me a minute. I just got here."
"I have no minutes to give. It's comp season, you know that Y/N/N. No time to waste." Nat was already over in the speaker corner, connecting her laptop up so it was ready. "Why are you still standing there?"
"Can I just have 2 minutes to breathe?"
Natasha turned around and placed her hands on her hips, mirroring her daughter perfectly. "Do you want Yelena to take your private instead? She's free right now actually. I could be teaching junior tap instead."
Y/N's eyes went wide and she quickly grabbed her discarded bag. "No no! I'll hurry. I'll change and be back! Please don't sent Yelena in here!"
"Good. And I won't. She's taking your class for ballet later anyway. So you have that to enjoy."
The teenager was halfway to the changing room before she stopped dead in her tracks. That was her worst nightmare. "Mama! She's gonna be all 'Those feet are horrible. Point them. Why do your hands look like claws. Are you a crab? Are we doing Little Mermaid dance? Your posture is like potato couch. Why are none of you flexible?'" Her Russian accent sounded nothing like her aunt, which made Nat raise an eyebrow. She'd taught her daughters better than that. Or so she thought.
"Potato couch?"
"I think she meant couch potato. But yeah she said that to Becca last week. It helped though. Her posture was better last night."
"Then she's a good teacher." Such a know it all.  "Do you stretch every night?"
Y/N went to answer and Nat gave her a knowing look. "Well, not every night."
"Then everything Yelena says is true. So don't complain. She tells me everything."
"I don't see how you guys are sisters. You're so different. She makes you seem almost angelic." Y/N fiddled with the lock on the changing room door.
"Exactly what your mom and I say about you and Isla. Now stop being cheeky and go get changed. And I want the hi-cut black leotard because we're working on legs today. Oh, and Y/N, bring your half soles because I don't want to completely destroy your feet before the rest of your classes." Natasha was bossy but it's what made her one of the best teachers around. She knew what she wanted and what it took to get there. She could recognise the potential in her dancers but would only work with those who put the work in themselves.
There was something so special about working with your daughter. Nat loved it, even if she didn't get to do privates like this much. Yes, she went into dance teacher mode and Y/N was no exception, but the pride she felt when she watched her daughter dance was something she didn't feel as much with the other dancers. Just like when she watched Isla win her races, seeing Y/N dance made her heart swell so much it felt as though it would burst.
10 minutes later and Y/N emerged from the changing room, a hair tie between her teeth as she pulled her hair up into a ponytail. Nat wasn't strict on hair with privates, only with normal class. So she just put on some calming music and started stretching with her daughter. Yes, it was weird seeing her mom effortlessly do the splits, but Y/N was used to it by now.
They gossiped the whole time, Y/N filling her in on any school drama that was of interest. As Y/N moved to the bar to stretch her leg holds, Nat couldn't hold back her questions anymore.
"What's going on with you and Bucky?" Nat asked and then burst out laughing as she turned to face her daughter. Y/N had her right leg pulled up to her head, but the most confused and shocked expression on her face. It truly was a hilarious sight.
"Uh- nothing? But I feel like you know something I don't? That's the second time you've asked me today."
Nat shrugged. "Well, he gave you a lift. I'm just curious."
"Well there's nothing to be curious about." She switched legs as she was talking. "He's just a friend. You know that. We've literally been friends since middle school!"
"Okay. I'll just ask Isla then." Nat smirked and walked over to her laptop.
"Mama, she will just tell you the same! And if she doesn't then she's just causing drama. Or making my life a living hell."
"She's your sister. That's what she's supposed to do. You do the exact same to her, even if you don't think so." Y/N rolled her eyes, moving to the centre of the room. "Okay, let's run it. You ready?"
"Is that why you and Aunt Yelena can't direct the same dance show? Because you argue?" Y/N smirked as her mom shook her head. "I'm right aren't I?"
"No you're not. And she's Miss Yelena to you. Just like I'm Miss Natasha. Now, dance."
"Yes Mama." Y/N wore a shit eating grin as she moved to her starting position, trying to get into the character of her dance so she didn't burst out laughing.
She was grateful for the relationship she had with both her moms and family meant the most to her. Even Isla had a special place in her heart, despite their quarrels and petty arguments. Those sisters would do anything for each other if it came down to it. Which was surprising to everyone except Wanda and Natasha. They saw the sisterly bond like no one else did. It was unbreakable.
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bloodyjuls-blog · 8 months
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WHAT IF I LOSE YOU (part 3)
(I will fight to not lose you) - Alexia Putellas
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There was a moment in my life where I wanted to give up, where everything was beyond me and what can you expect from a girl who grew up in Sutton running around with a soccer ball and who is now a super star? Life has never been easy, when you reach your teenage years and your social life overlaps with training, match day, recovery days? The only thing left was to do everything from home, from parties to drinking. Everything was easier without my parents at home, to be honest I grew up having everything, a big house, money, freedom and what I loved most after alcohol.... Football. When you become a professional nobody tells you the responsibilities and the exposure you bring with that and even if they say that women's soccer lacks attraction then they should have it checked because the pressure I felt playing for arsenal or city was very high and brought with it the expectation of the Barcelona soccer club to bring a star, to speak on and off the pitch. My younger days I remember with the talks with my parents for not being good enough to be in a professional league, which then when I achieved it would break me little by little because alcohol never left me, the faithful companion of my adventures.... Everything became a problem, I drank until the wee hours and made sure I got enough rest to perform the minimum in my club. Then my sister brings us the news of her pregnancy and I don't deny it, I always wanted to be a mother but there was a moment when my world came crashing down and I rejected the idea.
Flashback
It was the decisive league match for arsenal. We were facing Chelsea for the FA cup and the pressure from above forced us to win. But things always go wrong, that day I think I had one of the worst games of my life. I missed a lot of chances, I was always out of position and the worst thing is that my family was watching me from the stands.
At the dinner with my family, my father very disappointed tells me: "daughter I do not understand you, they tell us to come to see you and you play a shitty game" to which I a little upset I tell him: "if you are not interested then do not come, this is soccer" at the end of dinner the mood is lowered but my father there is something that does not fit, since I tried the first shot of vodka has made me bad faces. While I approach to take Ruppert, already 5 years old, my father takes him away from me and tells me: "I don't understand how they can want you in a club if you are an alcoholic, and much less I am going to allow you to take care of your nephews being in the conditions you are, do you think I didn't notice your flash of whiskey you had in your backpack or that you are going back home drunk, if something happens to you don't even bother to call me because I am not going to come and save your ass, you understand? " My tears were falling from my eyes, he had hurt me in a way I never thought he could. After all he was my father and I was his not so favorite daughter.
End of the Flashback
Alexia pov
"Hello, Ana. Do you know where y/n is?" I ask through the line in a worried voice. "No Ale, the only thing I know is that she had been drinking and left driving the car, I guess I'm guessing she's already in her apartment" Ana replied calmly. "Fuck this can't be" exclaimed Ale as she tried to call you back. "Ah I know who to call, maybe she has information" she thought calmer.
"Hi Leah how are you? It's Alexia" said Alexia calmly "Hi Alexia, well to what do I owe your call?" Answered Leah quizzically "I was wondering if you know anything about y/n, she called me a while ago and left me a little worried" you could tell from Alexia's voice that something wasn't right. "Ale the truth I don't know where y/n/n could have gone, what I do tell you is to please take care of her, and help with the alcohol issue she is not having a good time, and I am worried that something might happen to her" said a little more concerted Leah. "Of course, come on I'll leave you, I have another call coming in."
She answers the other call....
"Hello, is this Ms. Alexia Putellas?" A calm voice asks on the other line. "Who is calling?" answers a curious Alexia. "Ma'am this is the receptionist at Egarsat hospital speaking, I was speaking to inform you that Miss y/n y/l has been involved in an accident and you are listed as the emergency contact" Alexia at that moment felt tears fall from her eyes "yes this is her, tell me how is she? Tell me how is she?" says Alexia desperately "Ma'am the only thing I can tell you is that if you can, please go to the hospital as soon as possible, the emergency reception will tell you where to go" "thank you" says Alexia with an agitated voice.
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Note: sorry I know had passed a couple of month but I'm near to graduate and that makes me full time persone and busy schedule. Love you all loads
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outsideratheart · 1 year
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Cliche (Leila Ouahabi x Leon!reader)
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A/N: Based off this request. I hope you guys like it and that I didn't drag it on too long.
The Leon sister's have a reputation in the women's football world but you never lied and always made your motives crystal clear. You had the rest of your lives to settle down and you planned on doing just that when you retired or got older but in the meantime you needed to find a way to relief the stress and pressure that comes with being one of the best footballer in the world and you favourite way to do so is by burying yourself in someone else.
You are fully aware that it was a cliche to sleep with your sister's best friend but when it came to Leila Ouahabi it's as if all logic goes out the window. It was never a part of your plan to mix business with pleasure especially when that business is also your sister's business but one night you and the girls were out celebrating, Mapi found herself distracted and you spent the night with Leila.
At first it only happened on nights out with the team but now you found yourself laid in bed on a random Tuesday morning, the brunette sleeping peacefully in your arms. The no sleeping over rule lasted a month not that you would complain. It was your idea but these moments with Leila had become one of your favourites.
"I broke the rule again" Leila's voice is raspy.
She squints slightly as the sun shines in her eyes but her face relaxes when you move your hand, which up until this point was playing with the loose strands of hair, and shield her from the sun.
"You seem to be doing it a lot recently. In fact I can't remember the last time you followed that rule"
Out of habit Leila begins playing with your necklace but her hand soon begins to travel lower, she gives you a knowing look as she plays with the waistband of your underwear. Whilst she herself hated to be teased, she had no issue being the teaser. No you wasn't opposed to morning sex but you had training in a couple of hours and you couldn't turn up less than 100% so you do the thing you body didn't want you to do, you grab Leila's hand and move it back to lay on your chest.
"We don't have time for that Leila"
You might have well be talking german because instead of backing down Leila hovers over you before straddling your hips.
"Are you sure about that?" The smirk on her face making it obvious that she knows the answer regardless of what might come out of your mouth next.
When her lips crash into yours you make no attempt at stopping or pushing her away. Instead you do the opposite, you deepen the kiss and in one swift movement you change the dynamics so it is now you who is on top of her.
The moment is short lived when you hear your apartment door open and your sister shout out.
"Y/N I know I'm early but I brought coffee"
This couldn't be happening. You knew she would find out eventually and you had a plan for that, one that included you in far more clothes. You were beginning to panic, a feeling that wasn't quite reciprocated when you looked down at Leila who is on the verge of laughing.
"Don't" you place your hand over her mouth.
"Y/N" Mapi sings. You can tell by the loudness of her voice that she is heading for your bedroom.
You have to think fast. You quickly strip yourself of the little clothing you have on and grab a towel which is in the laundry basket.
"Hide. Now" it wasn't question or suggestion, it was an order.
Leila tries to argue but the look you give her let's her know that nothing will make you change your mind.
She hides down the side of the bed furtherest away from the door and just in time as Mapi knocks before coming in anyways.
"I was in the shower. It's interesting to see what you class as an emergency" you tell your sister who clearly has no idea what you're talking about "the key? I gave it to you for emergencies only. Abuse the power again and I will take it off you, you know how I am about my space"
"Fine. Hurry up and get ready, your coffee's getting cold"
Once the door is closed Leila stands up wearing nothing but your bed sheet.
"I won't do that again" she says as she watched you get dressed in your training gear.
"Fine" you whisper shout "you go out there and tell your best friend that you have been fucking her sister behind her back. You wanted to keep this a secret just as much as me so don't stand there and act innocent"
Leila is taken aback at the way you described what had been going on between the two of you.
"I have spare training gear in the wardrobe. Make yourself some breakfast, you know where everything is, I will see you at training"
You kiss her quickly and you are slightly disappointed when you doesn't respond.
"Leila" her head snaps in your direction hoping to hear something a little more reassuring.
"Be careful when you pick something to wear, nothing with my number on it"
You say nothing more and within a matter of minutes Leila hears you and Mapi leave your apartment.
"No feelings Leila, it's what you agreed" She mutters to herself as she lays back on your bed.
There was a tension between the two of you at training but it seems obvious to only you and Leila or so you thought. The training was split into position drills so you wasn't working directing with her but it didn't stop your captain from noticing the lingering looks to the group of defenders. It is when you, Mapi and Alexia go to practice freekicks does she bring it up.
"Is everything ok?" Alexia whispers as you both watch Mapi practice her shot.
"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" there's no way she knew and you weren't about to give her any clues.
"No reason" Alexia replies and you think it is the end of the conversation only it isn't "Nothing's going on in your love life or should I say sex life?"
Alexia knew, you wasn't sure how she knew but she did.
"Her sex life" Mapi wraps her arm around you shoulder "There's always something happening"
"It must be a Leon twin thing because I recall your body count been just as high as mine" you push her off you as you go to place your ball outside the box.
"Is that anyway to talk to your older sister" Mapi shouts.
"7 minutes Maria, you are 7 minutes older than me"
You rejoin the team during a drinks breaks. Leila looks at you for a second before turning her back, the action itself hurt but you couldn't bring yourself to ask why.
"You like her" Alexia continues her questioning "I can tell. What's her name?"
"Leila!" Patri shouts.
The sound of her name coming straight after Alexia's question causes you to choke on your drink and the connection isn't lost on your captain.
"You're sleeping with Leila! Are you crazy? That's your sister's best friend"
You knew Alexia would be disappointed in you. She had made her feelings towards your night time activities very clear but this was too much even for you.
Before Alexia can say anything else you pull her off the pitch and into the tunnel.
"Nobody knows" you see her eyes dart in your sister's direction "no, Mapi doesn't know and I want it to stay that way"
"How long?"
"Almost a year" you couldn't believe it had been that long and neither could Alexia.
You make a point not to get involved with anyone for long periods of time because it's gets complicated. The longest you had ever slept with someone is when you started seeing a player from the german league but even then you slept with other people in between.
"And have you been sleeping with anyone else during this time?" Alexia asks. She knew that you had trouble connecting with your feelings and if you did feel something more then you more need a little bit of encouragement to figure it out.
"Have you every thought about it being something more than sex?"
This is why you didn't want people knowing. The more people that knew the more pressure you would feel to put a label on whatever is going in between you and Leila.
"No. When we started sleeping together we both agreed that it would be a no strings attached type of thing, no feelings were to be involved"
"Y/N have you —“
"Alexia. It is sex and that's it. There is no relationship between me and Leila outside of the bedroom"
It was a difficult thing for you to say because whilst it was true at first you knew that things had changed over the past couple of months. You didn't want to break your end of the deal so you kept your feelings to yourself so that you could still spend your nights with Leila.
"Sorry to interrupt"
You hadn't heard her voice since you left your apartment this morning.
"Coach told me to come and get you. It's time for the scrimmage and you two are captains"
At first Leila couldn't look you in the eyes but when she did you saw something that make your heart break. Tears brimmed her eyes and you knew it was because of the conversation you had been having with Alexia only you wasn't sure how much she had heard.
"Alexia knows"
"Can we tell Mapi now?"
It wasn't a question you expected. As far as you were aware Leila want this to be a secret just as much as you did.
"No, we can't"
Alexia has excused herself at this point so that the two of you can talk in private.
"Right because this is just sex. We have no relationship outside of the bedroom"
She attempts to walk away but you grab her hand with a pleading look in your eyes. You know you said those words but they sounded so heartless coming out of her mouth.
"I need space. I think it's best if I go to my apartment tonight"
"Ok. I will come by after my media appearance"
"No Y/N" She pulls her hand away "I think I need to spent the night alone night"
Something wasn't right. Was she breaking up with you? No, she couldn't do that because you were never dating. Still as you watch her walk away you cannot help but feel like you are losing something you never had.
Your nights apart lasted less than a week and soon enough you and Leila was back into your old ways but something was different. She would spend the night but wouldn't stay in the mornings and she kept bringing up telling Mapi, something that you wasn't ready for.
Leila had reached her breaking point after almost been caught by Mapi again. You made her hide and once again she felt little a dirty little secret. She had a choice to make; keep the secret and keep you but lose her best friend or she could tell Mapi and inevitably lose you.
The following week Mapi came storming into the locker room one morning with Leila trailing behind her. At first you wasn't sure what had happened but then you saw Leila's face and you knew. Leila went against your wishes and had told Mapi about the two of you.
"I can't believe you!"
"Not here, not now" you reply calmly hoping your sister would mimic your energy.
"Why? What you've done affects this entire team and I won’t allow it"
The way she said what you've done as if you were in this alone. Leila who you hoped would have your back stands cowardly in her locker.
“You can’t stop me and it hasn't affected the team, you had no idea about us. I'm guessing the only reason why you do is because she told you" you don't say her name nor do you look in her direction.
"What's going on?" Alexia asks as she enters the locker room upon hearing the both of you raising your voices.
"Tell her Y/N"
You know what you are about to say is going to hurt but why should you care for your sister's feelings when it is clear she doesn't care for yours.
Alexia glances back and forth between the two of you then she looks at Leila and she knows what had happened.
"She doesn't have to tell me. I already know"
"Know what?" Jenni asks. She can tell by the reaction of the team that she isn't the only one that feels left in the dark about whatever it is that's going on.
“That my dear sister has been sleeping with my best friend” Mapi points from you to Leila, just for clarification.
“And what is wrong with that?” You may not have told your sister or the rest of the team for that matter but you didn’t do anything wrong and you wasn’t ashamed of the time you shared with Leila.
“You can’t just sleep with whoever you want” Mapi scold you “I have seen you when we travel for the champions league. You sleep with our opponents. You can’t—“
“I can’t what? Come home and sleep with the Spanish league. No I can’t because they have already have their taste of one Leon. You used to be just like me”
“She is my friend and our team mate”
You couldn’t help but laugh. Surely Mapi heard the hypocrisy in what she was saying. You looked towards Ana, your eyes filled with apology for what you are about to say.
“Hmm where shall I start” you walk towards your sister.
“Y/N don’t” Alexia tries to drag you back out fails.
“No, no. She started this” you turn your attention from your captain to your sister “friend and team mate, where shall I start. Alba is a good friend of mine and you slept with her. V is one of my best friend and you slept with her. Then we have Ana who is one of my closest friends on this team, you broke her heart, messed up the team dynamics and you are making her watch you be with someone else which brings me to my last person, Ingrid, who I have no problem with in fact I like her and think she’s good you. What I’m saying is you sit there on you fucking high horse speaking down to me like I’ve committed some kind of crime” you angrily wipe the few tears that have fallen down your cheeks.
“And you” you turn to Leila “you told her when you knew how I felt. Did you ever stop to think why I wanted this to say between us? Why things have been so different with you? I changed every single one of my beliefs for you and for what? You proved why I don't do relationships. I don’t know what you gained from this but it certainly isn’t me. You once asked for space, congratulations you have it. Whatever we had is over, I’m done, we’re done”
Leila was in shock. Was this your way of admitting you wanted a relationship with her.
“Was that so hard?” Mapi says smugly.
“Shut up Maria. Me and Leila may be done but we’re done too. You’re suppose to be my sister and I didn’t deserve to be spoken to like that. I want nothing to do with either of you”
You didn’t turn up to training the next day and missed recovery the day after that. It seemed like the whole team was worried about you but the calmness that radiated off your coach and captain let them know that you were ok and the two of them knew where you were.
“I have heard you speaking about Y/N and her whereabouts. I have decided to rest her for Saturdays game and after I told her she asked for a few days off which I think she’s deserved given that she has played the most minutes this season. It will be business as usual after international break.” Jona and the coaching staff leave the meeting room unaware of the interrogation they are passing on to the team’s captain.
As soon as the staff are out the room everyone begins asking questions about you.
“Enough!” Alexia slams her hands down on the table. She had enough of the questions and the other players pointing the finger at Leila and Mapi for your absence. She agreed with the rest of the girls but as the captain she had to remain neutral.
“Go home, enjoy international break and I’ll see you back here in 10 days time” they knew better than to argue with their captain so they do as their told “not you two”
Names aren’t required. It is obvious which two Alexia is referring to.
“I wanted to wait a couple of days for things to calm down but when Y/N called me telling me she needed to getaway for a few days I knew the chances of this resolving naturally wouldn’t happen”
Both Mapi and Leila sit down. The situation had escalation quickly and they knew that they had messed up. Leila regretted telling your sister and Mapi let her her emotions get the better of her.
“I’m going to talk now and you two are going to listen”
When Alexia got no arguments from the pair she continued.
“Y/N was right when she spoke about your history Mapi. Amongst the names Y/N gave the other day was my sister’s. I know she is part of our group but Alba is still my little sister, she is someone you slept with and then dropped when you got bored. Y/N is the reason why I didn’t come to your house the night I came home to Alba crying in your sister’s arms. Even when she knew you were in the wrong, Y/N had your back”
The was news to Mapi. She thought Alexia understood her sister was a big girl who could make her own decisions and as she has the thought she realises, once again, just how hypocritical she was.
“But she didn’t tell me about this. We tell each other everything” This is the reason for Mapi’s reaction. It might not have come across this way but she was hurt that you didn’t tell her about this.
“There is reason why she didn’t tell you but it isn’t for me to say. Y/N has to come to that realisation herself” Alexia is vague in her response, leaving the two defenders rather confused.
“She was ashamed” Leila says the only answer that makes sense.
It wasn’t a easy decision to tell Mapi about the two of you sleeping together but she thought that once it was out there then the two of you could have a chance at something more.
“That isn’t true and it’s not fair for you to put this on her. She told me you had been sleeping together for a year and in that time you never told Mapi about it yet it’s Y/N who is getting the blame for this when you played just as big of a part”
“A year?” Mapi asks making to obvious that Leila left that detail out when she told her about to two of you.
“A full year and in that time Y/N didn’t sleep with anyone else, it was only you Leila”
“You’re lying. Y/N doesn’t do that type of commitment” Mapi knew how you thought because she had the same rule for years.
“She told me herself. I know it may not seem like it but she cared for you Leila and she showed you in her own way”
“Back to backs” Leila whispers.
“What did you say?” Mapi asks.
“You know her rules” your sister nods “one of them was no back to back stays but I have done that a few times”
It's like puzzle pieces were connecting in her head. You had let her get closer to you than anyone else but Leila was blinded by being a secret and she didn’t notice it.
“I might have overreacted” Mapi admits “It’s jus she’s my sister and I don’t want her making the same mistakes I did. She was right when she spoke about Ana, I guess I didn’t want her to face the same fate I did”
“I think you both owe her an apology” Alexia tells the pair “and before you ask, I won’t tell you where she is. She might have taken this break to be away from the two of you but Jona was right she needed some time away from Barcelona to rest. You’ll see her at camp on Sunday.”
You spent a few days in Madrid and it was just what you needed. It was peaceful and your friends had no idea about what happened in Barcelona. When V found out you were in the capital she said you were with her, no arguments. You spent the day training at a nearby pitch and the nights with V, Lola and Carmen. You may have ran away from your problems but you needed this time to be Y/N the person not the football player, sister of Mapi Leon and the person who had been sleeping with her team mate.
With every day that passes you know that you are one day closer to having to face your Barcelona team mates and truth is you wasn’t ready. When you arrived at Los Rojas you stay close to the Lola but you knew that you couldn’t avoid your friends for long.
It was only Alexia that knew where you had been so when she arrives at the facility she goes straight to Lola.
“Where’s Y/N?” Alexia asks the goalkeeper.
“Hi Alexia. I’m ok, thanks for asking” Lola moves on from her captain as she greets the rest of the Barcelona girls.
“You look like shit” she says when she sees Leila “almost as bad as Y/N”
“Y/N?” Leila asks but then it makes sense, you had gone to Madrid.
“She told me not to say anything” Lola continues “but between us me, V and Carmen have a bet on what happened. My bet is that one of the women she slept with is giving her grief so she ran away. It was bound to happen at some point, right?”
“Watch it Lola. That’s my sisters you’re talking about” Mapi comes to your defence.
“Oh please Maria, don’t start being nice now. We all know how you see me”
All heads turn in the direction of your voice. Lola had been telling the truth, you didn’t look good at all. The dark circles in your eyes was barely visible but they were there. You hug Alexia, Jenni, Irene and the rest of your team mates but purposely miss out Leila and Mapi.
Leila couldn’t help but stare. You had your shorts rolled up in typical Leon fashion and the training vest you were wearing hugged your body perfectly. When she met your eyes, she recognised the look but when you noticed it you changed your expression. It may have only lasted a second but it gave Leila hope that you forgiving her was still possible.
“Can we talk?” Leila asks you.
“Maybe later? I’m about to work—“
“C’mon Y/N you can’t keep me waiting. You know I’m not very patient” Marta Cardona shouts from across the lobby.
There way something in the way she said it that caused your sister to shake her head in disappointment. It was no secret you and Marta have history that includes sleeping together multiple times.
“Are they sleeping together again?” Alexia asks. She didn’t want to believe that you would fall back into old ways but it didn’t look good.
“I told you” Mapi mumbles "She never cared for Leila, it was just a game"
“I don’t know. V thinks that she is”
“V?” Alexia asks.
“Yeah that’s her bet. Carmen things that Y/N got her heartbroken but that’s ridiculous. We all know Y/N doesn’t let herself get close enough to anyone for that to happen”
Alexia, Leila and Mapi all share a look. They never though of that possibility.
“Like I said, that’s ridiculous and even if it is true Y/N requested to room with Marta so give them a couple of nights and Y/N will soon forget about this woman who may or may not exist”
Leila scoffs and walks away. Had you really moved on from whatever the two of you shared and were you really sleeping with Marta so soon after you were sleeping with her. She had so many questions but right now she didn’t want to see you, a mixture of anger towards your behaviour and fear of what would be said.
It comes as no surprise to the defender to find you and Atletico Madrid forward sat together at the team meal. She watches in envy as the two of you interact with such ease, the interaction makes Leila feel sick.
“We don’t know if they are sleeping together” Alexia whispers in the defender’s ear.
“Look at them Ale. We’ve seen Y/N like this before, you can’t defend her this time” in that moment Leila felt defeated and the hope that she felt a few hours prior has died.
Meanwhile across the room you hear Marta talking but it just noise. You mind isn’t focused on her, it is consumed with thoughts about what will happen in the next few days. Yes, Mapi has hurt you but it failed in comparison to Leila betraying you. You were willing to break your rules for her, heck you were willing to throw out the entire book but that didn’t matter now.
“She is staring” Marta nudges you.
Sure enough when you turn around you see Leila looking your way. She says something to Mapi who shakes her head and refuses to look your way. You didn’t know what to do, part of you missed Leila and despite your best efforts to forget about her, it just wasn’t possible. It was frustrating that even when you were mad at her you still wanted to know if she was ok.
Then you remember Leila wanted to talk to you when she arrived at Los Rojas. Maybe now was the right time to find out where things stand between the two of you. Your hands grew sweaty with each step you took towards her and the nervous feeling in your gut wasn’t like anything you have experienced before.
“Do you still want to talk?” The confidence that normally lines your tone is nowhere to be heard.
“I’m surprised you pulled yourself away from your girlfriend, oh wait she isn’t your girlfriend she is just the person you are fucking” Mapi retorts from her seat, still not looking you in the eye.
“Do you think I’m sleeping with her?”
“Of cour—“
“I couldn’t care less about what you think Maria, I was talking to Leila”
Now all eyes were on the defender, waiting for her to respond.
The fact that Leila had to think about it gave you your answer. It hurt that she thought this low of you.
“You look cosy together” Leila says. It didn’t answer your question but it did tell you which way she was swaying.
“She’s a friend, who yes I have slept with but that was a long time ago. Leila please can we talk?” You ask her again. There was so much you wanted to say but you didn’t want a crowd of people watching.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. We should focus on the games we have coming up”
The drop in your demeanour wasn’t something that you can hide. This why you left Barcelona, Leila couldn’t hurt you in Madrid but that didn’t last long.
“I did nothing wrong” It was almost a plea.
The next morning your absence at breakfast is noticed by everyone. There is no seat saved for you at any table so it was clear none of the players you were close with expected you to show up.
“Marta, where’s Y/N?” Jenni shouts across the food hall.
“That depends. Are you on their side or her side?” Marta points to Mapi and Leila.
“There’s no sides” Alexia corrects her.
“Yes there is, how don't you see it? For some reason you guys have barely talked to Y/N since you got here. As for her whereabouts, I have no idea. She swapped with Misa so ask Lola where she is”
Lola shrinks in her seat. She knew exactly where you were and given that last night you told her everything that happen she was a little reluctant to tell her friends.
“Lola. Where’s my sister?” Mapi asks the goalkeeper.
“In the gym” Lola says "She wants to talk to you"
The table watches how Lola refuses to meet any of their eyes. Avoiding eye contact was one of her tells when she lied.
“Lola” Alexia tone is low “Y/N isn’t in the gym is she?”
“No but after the way Mapi treated her do you really think I would tell her where she is. That’s right Y/N told me everything last night. Carmen will be ecstatic when I tell her that she was right”
“Where is she Lola?” Leila asks.
“She’s in the room. She kept having nightmares and according to V she was having them when she stayed with her. Here” Lola hands Leila your room key “I’m not happy with what happened but you need to talk to her”
The room was dark as Leila entered. She expected to find you in the bed closest to the door, it was something you did because you thought it protected your room mate, but she finds you buried under the covers in what she assumed is Lola's bed. Had you slept there last night?
You hear the door open but hope that if you ignored whoever entered that they would leave you alone. At first you thought it worked but you feel the bed sink behind you and next you feel a pair of arms snake around your waist. At first you tense up at the touch but then you recognise the scent and your body relaxes.
"Leila. This isn't a good idea" you aren't sure what is happening but you don't move.
"You need to sleep Y/N. This doesn't have to mean anything"
It did mean something though, to both you and Leila. You hadn't slept together without having sex before hand. It was intimate and not something you have experienced before but the sleepless night left you with little to no energy, definitely not enough to argue. You hated how much you body betrays you as you lay in bed with the woman who you were mad at. It wasn't that you suffered from insomnia but you slept much better when Leila was there.
"What were the nightmares about?" Leila asks.
"You. At first is was replays of what happened in the locker room but recently it's you leaving me standing in my apartment, nothing gets said but I end up alone" you don't know if it's your lack of sleep or the calmness that comes when Leila holds you but you allow yourself to be truthful and vulnerable.
"You're not alone"
"But I don't have you"
Nothing more is said, truth is Leila doesn't know what to say so instead she holds you close and listens as your breath evens out letting her know that you had fallen asleep. She regretted telling Mapi about the two of you as soon as she did it and she hated how quickly things escalated. The defender sets an alarm so that you will both be ready in time for training before falling asleep herself.
When she wakes almost an hour later she finds that the pair of you had shifted in your sleep and she was now cuddled into your side. She looks up to find you wide awake. Your eyes were red and if Leila didn't know any better she would have said you've been crying.
"Are you ok?" Leila asks.
Your face drops and she realises it was a stupid question but for a brief moment she forgot about the events of the last couple of days.
"No Leila, i'm not ok"
She wasn't sure if you telling the truth hurt more than it would if you had lied.
"Is everything ok with you and my sister?" you ask. It was something that been playing in your mind. They looked ok on the outside but you thought Mapi would be a little bit mad at Leila for sleeping with you.
"Yes, we're ok"
"That's good"
A silence grows between you and whilst in the past is was comfortable, it now suffocates you. It was a reminder of just how much had changed.
"I suppose we better get ready for training" you nudge Leila a little bit so that you can get out of bed.
For the first time since arrived at Los Rojas Leila saw the damage she had caused. With you having just woke up you wasn't wearing the facade that everything was ok. She watched as you get ready, you didn't mind though, it wasn't like she hadn't seen it before.
Unbeknownst to Leila, her gaze had turned into a stare by the time you're dressed and in the elevator you feel Leila staring at you again.
"Stop staring Leila" you say without taking your eyes off the descending elevator floor numbers.
"I'm sorry Y/N"
"It's too late for apologies Leila. The damage has been done, all that we can do now is move on"
It sounded so simple as you said it and you hoped you sounded more convincing than you feel.
"Move on, right"
It was like a sucker punch to the gut. Leila had hoped that the two of you could work things out but it sounded like things were over and she had no one to blame but herself.
"Don't blame yourself Leila. We both knew the risks when we started sleeping together" you pat her shoulder before exiting the lift.
It seems like the entire team was waiting for you in the lobby before they went to the training fields. The glares that were sent your way didn't feel good but none burnt quite like your sisters. You looks towards her in in time to see her shaking your head and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what she was thinking.
"Don't eve--"
"Nice to see it didn't take you two long to return to old ways" Mapi beats you to it.
"Mapi" Alexia warns her.
"I don't appreciate you leaving me waiting for you in the gym" the blonde ignores her captain and continues her attack.
"What are you talking about? I don't want to be near you, never mind speak to you in private"
"But Lola said you wanted to see me"
"She lied. I didn't sleep last night so my guess is she told you that so that she could tell Leila to come to my room without you been a bitch about it"
"So you did sleep together" Mapi was been relentless and the team couldn't help but watch.
"You need to move on or you and I will be done. Do you understand?" your voice was low in order to keep your conversation private.
Mapi's stoic expression drops for a second but she soon recovers.
The room was in shock as they watched the interaction between the two of you. Over the years you and Mapi had fought but it never got this bad and they had never seen you this angry.
"You don't turn your back on family" Mapi shouts.
"You did it first"
Some of the coaches saw the argument in the lobby so they choose to keep you and Mapi separated for the training session but in doing so they paired you up with Leila. It was awkward at first but the two of you worked well on the pitch and it was nice to see that not everything has changed.
They're was one part of training where you couldn't avoid your sister and that was during the scrimmage at the end of the session. The aggressive style you both chose to play with meant that things got physical quickly between the two of you. Irene warned you and Alexia did the same to Mapi but it was a waste of time, you were out for blood and was treating the game like it was a world cup final. Even though you were battling on the pitch you did so in a save way, that is until you are clear on goal and you feel studs collide with your ankle. Despite the pain mounting in your foot you are up and in your sister's face within a matter of seconds.
"Really Mapi!" you shove her backwards "Was breaking my heart not enough for you? Do you want to end my career too?"
"I didn't break your heart Y/N. Don't stand there and act like the thing between you and Leila was anything more than sex. You're just angry that I called you out on it" Mapi steps forward only for Alexia hold her arm out making the defender stop in her tracks.
"You don't get it do you? You want to know why I didn't tell you?" you turn to face Leila "Do you want to know why I didn't tell her?"
"Because you were ashamed"
"Because I fell in love with you, not that it matters anymore" it took you a few days and one to many drinks with V to come to this realisation and it scared the life out of you. Of all the people, it was Leila who showed you what love was.
You could feel your emotions getting the better of you so when a stray tear falls down your cheek you are quick to wipe it away before leaving the pitch. This is why you didn't do relationships or feelings, it never ended well and you always ended up hurt.
A member of the coaching staff calls for training to continue whilst another follows you into the gym. By the time the rest of the team enter the gym you are working with the coach but in a separate area.
"Ladies listen up. I want you to pair up and work through the exercises on the board"
"What about Y/N?" Leila asks. In the camps previous the two of you had partnered up so it felt wrong you not being with the team even though she doubts you would want to work with her.
"Y/N is almost done and then she will be taking over Alexia's media this afternoon"
"That's not—“ Alexia is cut off.
"It was her suggestion"
That didn't exactly reassure Alexia. You hated media almost as much as she did so that fact that you'd rather spend your afternoon within journalists instead of the team spoke volumes.
The girls complete their workout and your revelation is not brought up once although a few looks are exchanged between Leila and Mapi. You being in love with Leila changed things and although she knows she had no right, Mapi feels her protective instinct for the first time since she found out.
A couple of hours later Lola is laid on her bed when she hears a knock at the door. She is quick to her feet hoping to find you on the other side of the door but that's not the case.
"Capitana, by all means come in" Lola jokes as Alexia is already through the door and inspecting your room "Y/N isn't here and before you ask I don't know where she is, haven't seen her since the workout"
Lola can tell that Alexia doesn't believe her but she was telling the truth. Within seconds someone else knocks at the door, this time it's Jenni, Irene and Aitana. The look of disappointment on their faces let's Lola know know that they too came to see you.
Mapi stands on the other side of your room. She can hear voices inside, one she doesn't hear is yours but that doesn't stop her from knocking.
"Well, well, well if it isn't my least favourite Leon" Lola says as she answers the door for the third time.
"I know I messed up, you don't have to remind me" Mapi says as she enters. She didn't know that you had such strong feelings for Leila, she just thought you were playing games and sister or not, she didn't want her best friend to get hurt.
"She isn't here" Jenni tells your sister.
"I know" this gets the attention of those around her.
"You know where she is?" Alexia asks.
"No but she isn't going to come back here" Mapi says as if it is obvious.
"Why not?"
"Because you’re all here"
What Mapi said made sense. Whenever something happened you craved peace and quiet, the type that only comes when you are alone but it didn't stop them from worrying especially when they noticed you left you phone in the room this morning. They had no option other than to wait for you to get back from wherever you had gone.
It was hard to find a place that nobody knew about when you attended national camp but last year you found an empty office that looked over the training field. It was peaceful and gave you time to think.
You honestly thought when you first slept with Leila that it would last a month, two at most and then the two of you would move on with your lives. Now almost a year later you have just confessed that you had fallen in love with her in front of the entire team.
When the door opens you don't move, you keep your back towards the person who has walked in. As far as you were aware only one person knew about this room and it was because you showed her it when you wanted a few moments alone where you wouldn't get interrupted.
"Everyone's looking for you" Leila takes a seat beside you but doesn't invade your personal space.
"Then they'll be looking for you too" you couldn't bring yourself to look at her. You feel stupid for feeling the way you do and you wished you could take back what you said. Not because you didn't mean it but because it stripped you of the walls you spent years building up.
Rightly or wrongly you move closer to Leila and rest your head on her shoulder.
"Who knew that night you seduced me would lead to this?" Leila was careful with the words she chose. It was a serious topic and the last thing she wanted to do was scare you away.
"Now we both knew it was you who seduced me. I was dancing innocently when you joined me on the dance floor, starting grinding on me, grabbed my hands placing one just near the hem of you skirt and the other one on your stomach so I could pull you close" that moment seemed so minor at the time but you remembered it as if it was yesterday.
"I surprised you remember, you were very drunk" Leila chuckles slightly and you know she is playing the moment back in her head.
"You were drunk Leila. I was stone cold sober"
"So you knew what you were doing?" Leila asked you. It always played on her mind, she thought you were drunk and wondered if you would have done the same thing if you were sober, now she finally has her answer.
"By the way you seemed to enjoy yourself that night I am offended that you would even have to ask" It was a cocky reply but you tone didn't match what you were saying and Leila picked up on it straight away.
"Y/N"
"Yes Leila I knew what I doing. I knew you were forbidden fruit but I slept with you anyways. I knew my sister would hate me but I didn't care. That night, and the many nights after, I made a decision one that I stand by because it brought some of the happiest times of my life even if those moments were mostly in the bedroom" you stand up and begin pacing the room, the weight of the situation was like anvil on your chest and you wasn't sure how much more you could take before breaking completely.
"But look where that got us Leila" you were admitting defeat.
"It got us us" Leila stood so she was at your level although due to the height difference she was a little bit smaller.
She cups your face giving you no other option than to look her in the eyes. It had been a few days since you had really looked at her and she was breathtaking. You succumb to her touch and she smirks slightly when she sees the affect she has on you, even now.
"You said you fell in love with me, did you mean it?" her hands drop to her side.
You take a moment to think about it. It felt right when you said it but in your eyes you were incapable of loving someone the way they deserved and in turn you didn't deserve their love but Leila made you question the possibility.
Was you in love with her? You aren't sure. What you are sure of is that you are the happiest when you are with her, that she is the first person you think of in a morning and the last person at night. When she is having a good day, you are too and when she is having a bad day, you will do everything in your power to make it better. You felt whole when your bodies are intertwined but did that mean you were in love with her?
Why did something so well known have to be so confusing?
"Y/N" Leila says bringing you out of your own head and back to the present moment.
"Leila I don't know what love is but when i'm with you it feels like what I imagine love to be"
It was the closest thing Leila was going to get to the 3 magic words and she knew it.
"I'm scared too Y/N" you didn't have to tell Leila, she understood how your mind works "Loving someone is scary and that's ok"
"But everyone—“
Public perception was something you always said you never cared about but now that they have opinions about something and someone you cared about, well it changed the way you thought.
"They will have their opinions and we can't stop them but at this point our team is full of couples so they don't really have a leg to stand on"
Leila had a point but their relationships didn't matter to you.
"But what—“
Your insecurities were beginning to get the better of you and the cracks in your confident persona were beginning to show.
"What if I were to say I have fallen in love with you?"
"Have you?" the concept of someone loving you seems absurd to you.
"I have. I love you Y/N and I know I messed up by telling your sister about us but I--"
Leila is cut off when you crash your lips into hers. You don't know what comes over you in that moment but you need her. She returns the kiss and it soon becomes deeper. You had kissed Leila countless times, this time was different. It's as if you let you heart take the reigns and it wasn't wasting any time in showing Leila just how much she means to you.
"What does this mean?" you ask after regaining your breathe.
"It means we both know what we want and we won't let anyone get in the way of that"
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dwobbitfromtheshire · 26 days
Text
From Hell to Home to Back Again
Summary: At the talent show, Chrissy Cunningham is so hungry that she nearly collapses. When she's found by Hopper, her parents ended up losing custody of her. She ends up being placed in the care of the Hendersons, and she finally finds the family she so desperately needed. She also ends up falling in love. What other changes are made in this alternate universe?
Prologue
Chapter One
November 6th, 1983
" - I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you, I know you were right believing for so long - ," Chrissy Henderson was cut off by a pillow to the face. "Nancy Wheeler!"
"Shut up!" Nancy hissed.
Chrissy giggled as she collapsed on the bed next to her. They were sitting in Nancy's room while Chrissy's brother and Nancy's played Dungeons and Dragons down in the basement.
"Oh, come on, what's the point of being your friend if I can't tease you mercilessly about you and Steve?" Chrissy asked.
"All we did was make out," Nancy rolled her eyes.
"And you like him," Chrissy said.
"He's cute," she shrugged.
"You like him," Chrissy sang. "Admit it."
"Okay, so, I do. . .what if he doesn't like me?" Nancy asked.
"He wouldn't be showing interest in you if he didn't like you," Chrissy sighed.
"He's just. . . slept with a lot of women," Nancy said.
"I didn't think you were the kind of girl who listens to rumors, Nance," Chrissy sighed, making a clucking noise of disapproval. "Shame. . . Three isn't a lot."
"How do you know?" Nancy asked.
"I've known him since before I was adopted. Of the jocks to date, he's the one you'd want," Chrissy said. "He's good."
"Tommy and Carol?" Nancy asked.
"Oh, no, they're assholes. Tommy's been Steve’s friend for as long as he can remember. It's hard to walk away from that," she said.
"How come you never dated Steve?" Nancy asked.
"I think it's because our asshole parents wanted us to date that made us not want to," Chrissy replied.
"That makes sense," Nancy said.
Suddenly, the door burst open, and Robin, Nancy's fraternal twin sister, came blundering in.
"Coming through!" Robin exclaimed.
"What did I say about coming into my room without knocking?!" Nancy shrieked. "Asshole! What are you doing?"
Robin whistled cheerfully as she began digging through Nancy's closet.
"Making sure you didn't steal my clothes again," Robin said.
"Why in the hell would I ever do that?" Nancy asked.
"To annoy your darling older sister," Robin replied and pulled a pink top out of the closet. "What's this then?"
"It's pink, so it's mine," she replied. "By the way, I'm older!"
"Looks dark to me," Robin grinned. "So, what are you talking about?"
"Nothing," Nancy hissed.
"Boys," Chrissy replied with a grin.
"Chrissy!" Nancy hissed.
"Ew, gross. Well, I'm out of here. The boys are wrapping it up downstairs," Robin said.
Robin left with Nancy's shirt. Nancy groaned and threw a pillow at the door.
"Ugh, I can't believe we ever shared a womb," Nancy groaned.
"Speaking of siblings, I'm pretty sure mine is going to come up here soon with an excuse to talk to you," Chrissy giggled. "So be nice."
"What are you talking about? I'm always nice," Nancy said, but she was fighting a smile.
"I love you, Nancy, but no, you're not," Chrissy giggled. "Not all the time."
Speak the devil, and the devil shall appear. Dustin stood in the doorway, holding a pizza box.
"Hey, Nance, there's one more pizza if you want it," Dustin said.
"No, thank you," Nancy said.
"I'll take it, though. Thanks for asking me if I wanted it. . . Butthead," Chrissy said, and Nancy raised her eyebrow. "Oh, I'm his sister, I'm allowed to be mean to him."
Chrissy chewed happily on the pizza as she escorted her brother downstairs. She finished before walking through the kitchen.
"Thanks for having us, Mrs. Wheeler," Chrissy said.
"You're more than welcome. Tell your mom I said hello. Get home safe, you two," Mrs. Wheeler said.
"Yes, ma'am," they said before walking outside.
It was cool outside, not too cool, but enough to make Chrissy shiver a little when she picked up her bike. She was saving up to buy her own car, and though shifts at Benny's diner didn't offer much, she enjoyed working there. She rode behind Dustin and Will, keeping an eye on them with a fond smile.
"Race you to our place?" Dustin asked Will. "Winner gets any comic."
"Any comic?" Will asked delightfully before racing ahead.
"Hey! Hey! I didn't say go! I'm going to kill you!" Dustin yelled.
"Slow down, guys!" Chrissy laughed as she sped up.
"I'll take your X-Men 134!" Will yelled.
"Hey, Will, you sure you don't want me to ride back to your place with you?!" Chrissy asked as she usually did.
"I'm fine! Thank you!" Will hollered as he sped off.
"Son of a bitch!" Dustin exclaimed.
"Well, you should know better than to bet against Will the Wise," Chrissy said with a smile as she put her bike away.
"Yeah, yeah," Dustin huffed as he walked inside the house with his sister.
Chrissy greeted their mother with a kiss and scratched behind Mews' ear.
"How'd your game go, Dusty? Did you win?" Claudia asked with a grin, and Chrissy bit her lip to stop from laughing.
"That's not how it works, mom!" Dustin exclaimed before launching into the replay.
"I'm going to bed. Goodnight! Good luck, mom!" Chrissy exclaimed as she headed towards the bedroom.
Her room was well lived in with pink walls and blue curtains. Her bedspread was a floral blue and unmade. . .oops. There were clothes thrown about but not too terribly, and they were mostly out of the way. Photographs littered the wall of a smiling, happy Chrissy with her proper family. Her favorite was one with her brother in a fort in the living room after a couple of weeks living there, reading Charlotte's Web. Dustin had spent so much time trying to make her feel better, trying to spin a negative into a positive. It worked. After Dustin went on about how intelligent pigs were, Chrissy went out and bought a little pig figurine to put on her dresser. She got a spider one for Dustin, which now sits happily on his own dresser. Now, whenever she thinks of pigs and she looks at the pig, she thinks of happy memories of her brother.
"Hey, Wilbur," she greeted and touched his snout.
Chrissy was about to start undressing when there came a tap on her bedroom window. She jumped and whirled around, clutching the sweater to her chest even though she wasn't even naked.
"Argyle!" Chrissy exclaimed and threw her sweater on the bed before opening her window.
"Hey, Fair Lady," Argyle grinned. "Wanted to return this book to you."
"You couldn't have returned it when you stopped by cheer practice tomorrow?" Chrissy asked, taking it.
"Oh. Yeah, I could have done that," Argyle said, and he sighed. "It's amazing, isn't it?"
"What is?" Chrissy asked.
"It seems like only yesterday that we were meeting at Benny's diner, and you were serving me food. . .now, here we are," Argyle said. "Isn't it funny how time works? I want you to know that I'm going to look back on our friendship fondly."
"Argyle. . .we met two weeks ago," Chrissy giggled and then paused. "Wait, did your dad finally decide if he wants to put a Surfer Boy here?"
"He didn't tell me yet. He wants to tell the whole family when we get back to California," Argyle said. "I'm going to miss you, Lady Henderson."
"You as well, sir Argyle," Chrissy said with a grin. "I really hope that you'll be able to move to Hawkins. Although, you might miss California."
"I go wherever my story takes me," Argyle said with a grin. "And this place is as beautiful to me as California. Goodnight, Chrissy."
She watched him walk off into the darkness, and she smiled. She got dressed, brushed her teeth, and slipped underneath the covers before reaching over to turn off the light. Chrissy drifted off to sleep, hoping that the next day would be just as good.
The next day. . .
Chrissy met Barb and Nancy at Nancy's locker. She could already guess what they were talking about.
"I'm telling you, it's a one - two time thing!" Nancy exclaimed as she opened her locker, and a note fell out.
MEET ME IN THE BATHROOM. - STEVE.
"You were saying?" Barb asked.
Nancy rolled her eyes at Barb and bit her lip, hesitating.
"It's okay if you want to go," Chrissy said, nudging her. "We'll be fine."
Nancy smiled gratefully at her before rushing off to meet Steve.
"I can't wait until Steve loses interest, but I do wish he would stop messing with her," Barb sighed.
"That's a rotten thing to say," Chrissy frowned.
"Oh, come on, Steve Harrington is notorious for leaving women high and dry," Barb said, rolling her eyes.
"It sounds like you're basing an opinion on silly rumors from other people," Chrissy said. "I thought you were better than that, Barbara. How about you get to know him before you start judging him?"
"Ugh! Why do you have to be right? Yeah, okay, so maybe that is shitty of me, but I just don't want this thing between him and Nancy to be serious is all," Barb said.
"Why?" Chrissy asked.
"It's - It's nothing," Barb said, blushing.
"You're my friend, too, Barb. Whenever you're ready to talk to me, I'm here," Chrissy said softly.
"Yeah, okay, let's get to class, I do not want to be late," Barb said, sniffling.
After school, Chrissy was walking to cheer practice when she spotted Jason Carver waiting for her. She sighed and pinched her nose before painting a forced smile on her face.
"Jason," she greeted politely.
"Hey, Chrissy," Jason smiled. "I was just wondering - "
"No," Chrissy said shortly.
"You didn't let me finish," Jason said.
"I know what you were going to say, and the answer is no. It's always no," Chrissy said. "Now, leave me alone."
"Come on, Chrissy, what's other people going to say when you're the only cheerleader without a boyfriend?" Jason asked.
"The fact that you care about that is sad. I am not the only cheerleader without a boyfriend, and quite frankly, I don't give two shits about what other people think. Doing that for my birth mother nearly killed me. You'd spend your time better doing the same," Chrissy said. "I do not want to date you, and I've tried to be nice about it, but quite frankly, I am tired of you being my shadow."
Jason was about to say something when he looked up and his eyes widened.
"Is there a problem?" Hopper's voice asked.
"No, sir," Jason said quickly. "I, um, going to go."
"That would be a good idea," Hopper said.
"Oh, I thought he was going to - ," Chrissy said, turning around and stopping when she saw Hopper's face. "What's wrong?"
"When Will rode away from your house last night, did you notice anything strange?" Hopper asked.
"No," Chrissy said. "Why?"
"Will hasn't been seen since last night," Hopper replied softly.
"Oh no! I knew I should have rode back with him!" Chrissy gasped.
"Hey, hey, it's not your fault. I just questioned your brother and his friends," Hopper said. "Thought you should know in case you wanted to check on him. I need to get back to it."
He squeezed her shoulder before walking away. Chrissy frowns, and that's when she spotted Heather. She ran over to her.
"Hey, can you tell the others I won't be able to make it cheer practice this evening?" Chrissy asked. "My brother needs me."
"Is everything okay?" Heather asked.
"I don't know yet," she replied and started heading towards the middle school.
She found Dustin huddled with Lucas and Mike. Dustin looked at her with surprise.
"Don't you have cheer practice?" Dustin asked.
"Skipping it entirely. The Chief told me what happened," Chrissy said softly. "Are you boys alright?"
"We need to look for Will," Mike said.
"The first thing you need to do is go home and be with your parents. Let Hopper handle this," Chrissy said. "Look, maybe an animal spooked him, and he's hiding somewhere. You're not helping Will or your parents if you get lost too."
When they got home, Chrissy made sure to call Argyle and update him before calling in sick to work. Dinner was a quiet affair. . .well, mostly. Claudia tried to get Dustin to eat or talk, but after several moments, he pushed his plate away.
"I'm not very hungry. Can I go lay down?" Dustin asked.
"Sure thing, honey," Claudia said and watched him leave. "Oh, I should probably check on him."
"Give him a few minutes, mom, and then we check on him," Chrissy said. "I'll clean up."
After cleaning up, Chrissy and Claudia went to Dustin's room to check on him, only to find it empty. The window was wide open.
"Goddamn it," Chrissy cursed.
Chapter Two
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rthko · 1 year
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Idk why I'm telling you this but sometimes I remember the gender questions I've asked myself over the years and get pangs of some emotion I don't know how to describe. Watching movies with female leads and thinking I want to be her when I grow up, wondering if that was because I wanted to be a woman or if I just wanted to date men, feeling mortified in fifth grade watching a video about how our voices would get deeper and our secondary sex characteristics would stand out more, basically training my voice over the years to be more feminine (or at least more "me"), thinking I didn't enjoy sports and then the unexpected joy of playing soccer with girls, introducing myself with different names in chat rooms and forums, the simultaneous validation and grief of being told my mom wanted me to be a girl, secretly trying on my sister's clothes and wondering what kind of person I'll be when I can buy my own, thinking "I don't want to transition or make my life harder but if I could just snap my fingers..." These all sound like archetypical egg experiences, but then as an adult I found an affirmation in being a gay guy, reading about the queens and dandies of history, and getting to know other gay men that I never thought was possible. It really pisses me off then that TERFs will tell trans women "why can't you just be a feminine man" or blame it all on internalized homophobia, because that was kind of my trajectory but it's also just my own experience. What worked for me isn't going to work for everyone. I don't want to be used as a prop against trans women because I support and love them, but on a more personal note they made me more free.
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richardsthirdnipple · 8 months
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The Lack of Nuance with House Velayron.
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I want to establish that the strange relationship to blackness in the show is confusing.
The show runners didn't write black characters. The Velaryons are Valyrian.
The cast is filled with black actors who draw parallels in their interviews to their blackness and this house. Without correction.
In a similar vain to how house Targaryen, house Hightower and house Lannister are all played by white people the Velaryons look black but are not written o be perceived as black in the narrative.
It's not inherently colorblind casting because the intent was to differentiate the Velaryons and Targaryens and to show how obvious Rhaenyra’s adultery is. It does, however, act in the same way. Their blackness isn't supposed to impact the narrative past that extent. Unfortunately, that's not how race works in media. Look at Bridgerton. For example, they knew they wanted to include racial elements to justify their alternate history while imploring colorblind casting and building these characters around their actors.
The biggest issue that comes from this understanding is that because they didn't write the script with black people in mind and just wrote it thematically to reach up to the dance, they end up sidelining and putting black characters into a lot of reductive stereotypes and fulfilling harmful tropes that contribute to the oppression of real world black people.
Laena is the second choice bride for Daemon, a white prince. He spends their marriage, making it known that he'd prefer to be with his other niece while not discounting the fact that they are happy enough for their circumstance.
Laena is a black girl who is passed over twice in the narrative for white women for different reasons. Her husband can't truly love her or their black children to the full extent he would her white counterpart.
Laenor is a gay man who can not do his duty to the realm and, as a result, does not sleep with his wife, causing her to look for a man who will essentially making his successor not from his blood.
Laenor is a black gay man explicitly traumatized during a wedding, not being able to fulfill his duty. His wife finds someone willing to do it during this time and he agrees to take the blame. The kid doesn't look like him. This pattern and behaviour continues because it can cost these kids their life. Rhaenyra actively contributes to the erasure of black succession for this house, choosing instead to sleep with and have kids by a white man.
Certain things work with this change. Corlys saying 'history does not remember blood it remembers names' gives 'I'm not black I'm OJ'.
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The perception of success defines him more than the inherent loss of blackness he's pandering, too.
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That wasn't the show's intention, though. None of my reading was intended to be placed on the story.
They made Laena into a sapphire who ended her life brutally after thinking it would be lost to childbirth.
The statistical and historical relationship to black women and childbirth was a burden the show runners did not consider.
It gets worse when the writers call it a 'dragon riders death' because it's so much more brutal than the death she endures in the book. A black woman chooses a brutal death as opposed to being helpless in childbirth. That's not imagery that was utilized well.
Laenor rededicating his life to his family after his sisters death only to be replaced by a white man and killed off violently (not really though, he just abandoned his family).
They also casually make him and his dad absent fathers.
With Corlys, they unknowingly employ Uncle Tom tropes with him while making him absent from his family, and next season, a cheater with an outside family.
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Vaemond is a black man being gaslit all around him, and when he stands up for what is a real concern to have in his shoes, in a moment where he chooses to be unapologetic and angry he's brutally killed by a white protagonist. They punish the black character who didn't want to assimilate.
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Again, this wasn't the writers intention because they are not writing black character. With someone like Nettles, this relationship to the narrative will be clearer. The racism and prejudice she faces in the story are different from the Velaryons because she's perceived as other or black in this world. Like Missandei and Grey Worm, she's a black character in the universe.
However, the imagery that these things invoke can not be avoided just because you don't focus on them. That's even more reckless because you get the diversity points, claim there is a reason behind their blackness, and then utilize reductive tropes and stereotypes.
I truly think they should've utilized the Bridgerton method and attributed the difference to dragonriding and the fact that a lesser dragon riding family would still be better than a rich non dragon riding family and that their ability to have dragon riders now should evaluate their status even though, through the show we see it not shifting their dynamic.
Racism and the stereotypes that come from it aren't based on anything tangible. White hair dragon riders through marriage and people with white hair who inherently can claim a dragon by blood alone is the same nonsense racism is based on. It's not really an important distinction but a necessary one to perpetuate and hold power. It could simply be a prejudice that the Velaryons acknowledged is there and are trying to break through.
This is a good show. It was beautifully done with the source material they had, but consciousness when it comes to perception and duality are so important when it comes to media, especially when writing for marginalized groups.
I would've loved to see Laenor and Rhaenyra have a discussion along the lines of her icing him out of their family unit, replacing him during a hard time. Or him actively acknowledging the burden of his position as heir with Luke and relating to his inability to do his duty and Luke's burden of perceived bastardy.
I'd love to see a Corlys and Vaemond Arguemnt of Corlys' assimilation to the politics of Westeros and the identity of house Velayron being lost as a result.
Laena could've acknowledged her worth to their marriage, calling Daemon out on his complacency to their collective happiness and expecting him to be better would've ate, cleared and devoured.
Imagine that last scene coupled with book Laena's death. I would've secured the Emmy for Nanna.
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Not only does this add to the world building, but it sets up future (technically past) relationships between the Velaryons and someone like Nettles. Between them and Targaryens.
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I need a cold cigarette. I will end this by saying the framework should they decide to establish this better is already there. It's just unfortunate that we lost three cool people before the nuance would hit.
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flowerflamestars · 4 months
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Another alternative Effloresce pov. Azriel, as the slow moving shitshow train wreck his life is is quickly becoming a fast moving shit show train wreck.
I cannot tell you how much I love this one!
So, I would say across all my fics Azriel is a character who is the most consistent? Especially since almost all of them were written before acosf TERRIBLY let us in his actually creepy little headspace, and I've additionally chosen to keep my made up shadowman as he is.
Effloresce Az is basically Starlight Az but SADDER. He's Daylight Az without a kiddo and husband, Shoreless Sea Az without the absolutely beneficial retirement, and man is he TIRED.
You're Azriel, and your job sucks. Your inborn skillset leaves you zero other options, and you know this. It's better to be the left hand of power than in a cell for life, but you know what? Sometimes you can only do so goddamn much.
You're Azriel and that's kind of all you've got. You're one of a kind, literally. Alone forever in that. But you love Cassian. You play the little games with Mor for harmony. You respect- alien, ancient, different, probably what you'll feel like in a thousand goddamn years if you live that long- Amren.
You see the good in Rhysand, limited as it is to personal things, but you also see the vast potential for failure.
You see him listening to this CHILD OF A GIRL- who seems nice, yeah. You're worried about her, frankly. The Courts of Prythian revived her and will not just let that go- but that doesn't mean you think she has, shall we say, good ideas.
You watch Cassian spend days arguing against this.
You rock up over the wall and realize these two mortal, innocent women have probably been taken captive by Spring. Your orders are a mistake, you have a war to fight that has nothing to do with these people, but you're here, and you might as well do some good.
You move to neutralize the threat.
Lucien Vanserra does not act like a vassal of Spring. No, not even at Autumn prince. You can drown fire in the dark, but you can't swallow the sun or an ocean of flame without end.
That doesn't matter either, because this determined little slip of blond sunshine just fucking stabbed you. And for the first time in maybe decades, you just want to laugh. You've fucked up, clearly, but you're okay. (You can live through so much worse than letting a human woman stab you to feel safe.)
You hear Cassian coming, and you know.
It doesn't matter what Feyre is saying. Has said. You're Azriel and you can't not know or not hear- she's wrong or she lied. You have a High Lord sweating blood to protect a stunningly, dangerously charming woman and you have her sister, who feels less like delight and more like a dream.
You're a shadowsinger, whose providence is secrets and these two woman are shrouded.
You're fucked, essentially.
You know they're not really human.
You know they're hiding, and Feyre is going to break that right open if Rhysand has his way, no matter how many times you point out that the Queens want nothing to do with Prythian's fae.
You're Azriel, and you've always been smart enough to stay quiet when you have no orders forcing you to do otherwise. You're polite. You're frankly, horrified. You have no idea what to do with the Archeron sisters acting like you're nothing to be afraid of.
You know, before Cassian knows, that every wind that has ever carried him had lead him right here.
(You remember what that felt like. The fear, the euphoria. You were young and stupid enough to consider it simple rightness, your extra senses on your side, pulling you toward the correct choice in fealty. You didn't know what it was until too late. You didn't know and you never even got to know or got to mourn. You didn't have the right to mourn a girl dead too soon, who would have never been anything but your queen had she grown old enough to wear a crown.)
(Dead before the start, just like you.)
You decide, immediately, you cannot let what happened to you happen to Cassian. Nesta Archeron might be a compelling power, might be a fighter with ash in her hair and a cunning mind, but Shahar was a High Lady born. Not even that could save her.
You understand the instant way you like Elain is magic, whether she knows it or not. (She does not). Real affection follows quickly, you are, despite all magic to the contrary, as Illyrian as Cassian. You cannot not know. You like Nesta too- if only for her ferocity. Her bleeding, present fury.
They treat you like a person.
Fearlessly.
Easily.
You watch as their sister breaks their hearts, cracks already laid. You watch Rhysand act more and more territorial, and of course you know why too. You watch Lucien Vanserra safeguard the lives and livelihoods of hundreds of humans and you understand this, here, is a Court too.
A better one.
You quietly, a secret, kill their father.
You bind yourself in blood to a favor, and use it to unshackle the Archeron bloodline and their vassals from the Queens.
You watch Nesta Archeron kneel in the snow, watch Elain Archeron pull a knife on a High Lord of Prythian over human lives, and think, with dread and barren exhaustion, you're making the right choice.
The hard choice.
(How many noncombatants died in Sangravah? In every city Amarantha occupied? How many servants in the Hewn City every year? How many Illyrian children in the starving north? How many deaths were Azriel's fault, because Rhysand didn't care?)
(The Archerons would rather die with their people than live. Were educating their maids. Sending their kitchen boys to university. Taking in the orphans of other estates, having never forgotten what it was to be forgotten, hungry and alone.)
You're Azriel, and you can't not know how badly this is going to hurt.
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livviem-009 · 3 months
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The Disappearance of Sherlock Holmes (Part 7):
Louis scrutinized his reflection in the mirror, meticulously adjusting his bowtie. It was merely another operation, a routine task in the grand scheme of things. Logically, there was no reason for him to fear what awaited him tonight. Yet, an unexplainable nervousness lingered beneath the surface as Mycroft assigned him the role of chaperoning her to the party.
"Lost in thoughts, Louis?" William inquired, running a comb through his hair.
He sighed, meeting his brother's in the reflection. "Have you ever felt nervous going to a party before?" he asked, the knot of his bowtie suddenly feeling tighter than it should.
"The only thing we were worried about were those women during the tea party," Albert chuckled, handing him a jacket. "I'm sure Miss Holmes is not that type of person."
"I still can't believe Sherlock never mentioned he had a sister," William remarked, finishing his meticulous hair combing. "I wonder why he never talks about her."
Louis straightened his jacket, a thoughtful expression crossing his face. "There's always an air of mystery with the Holmes family; they basically live off it.”
As he was about to leave, his brothers shared a knowing look, their expressions teasingly conspiratorial.
"Watch out for the women at the party, Louis. They'll be drawn to you like moths to a flame," Albert joked, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.
Louis chuckled, dismissing the notion. "It's just a mission. No need to worry about distractions."
William, ever the voice of reason, chimed in, "Remember the tea party from before? That was a mission too, and yet, Albert and I didn't leave unscathed."
Louis raised an eyebrow, a bemused smile playing on his lips. "You two can handle yourselves just fine. I, on the other hand, am strictly business." And then he left, leaving his brothers smirking.
He hopped onto the carriage, the rhythmic clip-clop of hooves setting the pace as he made his way to 221B Baker Street. Upon arrival, he found John waiting outside.
"Evening, Louis. You're in for a wait. Miss Hudson is making Eurus presentable for the party," John informed him.
Louis raised an eyebrow. "You mean helping her get ready?"
He chuckled, shaking his head. "No, no. She's making her try on her old dresses, treating her like a doll. It's quite the spectacle."
As they conversed, Eurus's voice echoed from inside, loud and unfiltered. "Where am I supposed to put my weapons, Miss Hudson?"
Miss Hudson's exasperated response floated through the door, "It's just a ball, dear. Not a raid!"
Suddenly, the door burst open, and Eurus rushed out, wild-eyed and dramatic. "John! Louis! Save me! She's turning me into a debutante!"
Before anyone could react, Miss Hudson appeared behind Eurus, grabbing her by the ear and pulling her back inside with a theatrical "Oh, no, you don't!"
The men exchanged amused glances, the unexpected interruption injecting a touch of comedy into the serious mission at hand. The echoes of Eurus's plea lingered in the air as the landlady continued her mission of transforming the former arrogant girl into a ball-ready masterpiece.
When Miss Hudson deemed her transformation complete, she proudly ushered Eurus into the room, announcing, "Gentlemen, may I present the Madame Deficit of this era!"
Louis and John turned to see Eurus, her embarrassment evident as she sported a blush that matched the silver of her flowy dress. Her hair was meticulously arranged into a bun, adorned with a tiara that added an extra layer of charm.
Eurus, looking less than thrilled, asked, "Where should I hide my weapons in this ensemble? And why do I look like a childish princess?"
Miss Hudson sighed, clearly exasperated. "It's a ball, not a fight, dear. And you look lovely!"
The gloomy woman grumbled under her breath, "I grew out of Cinderella."
John, ever the diplomat, tried valiantly to suppress his laughter, not wanting to upset her with her delicate appearance. On the other hand, Louis, who had earlier been grappling with nervousness, couldn't contain his amusement as he saw the sheer discontent written all over her face.
Eurus shot a scowl at Louis, the tiara slightly askew on her bun. "What's so amusing, Mr. Liar?"
With a mischievous glint in his eye, he responded, "Madame Deficit, you've never looked more... elegant."
John attempted to steer the situation away from potential tension. "We should head to the party; everyone will be waiting."
As they traveled together, Eurus seized a moment of privacy to sneakily retrieve her glasses from her purse. Subtly, she pulled down her carefully arranged bun, letting her hair cascade freely, and discreetly removed her impractical shoes.
In a low grumble, she voiced her dissatisfaction, "This attire is utterly impractical for the mission. I look like a child playing dress-up."
Louis, glancing at her with a sincere smile, countered, "On the contrary, you look beautiful."
Eurus froze for a moment, caught off guard. She was accustomed to being acknowledged for her intellect, not her appearance. Despite the unexpected compliment, she skillfully concealed any hint of surprise, continuing to grumble about the impracticality of the outfit.
As they journeyed, John's curiosity about Eurus's past surfaced, and she delightfully shared tales of her childhood rivalry with Lucy Redcliffe. She painted a vivid picture of herself as the mastermind in her finishing school – not for her looks, but for her intellect. Each friend carefully chosen, each alliance strategically formed, making her the undisputed queen bee until graduation.
John asked, "Were you ever on the other side of that popularity? Bullied, perhaps?"
Eurus, with a sly smile, responded, "I can't recall a time when I was the victim. I always had a way of ensuring loyalty."
Louis, intrigued, pursued a different angle. "Do you think Lucy had a valid reason for seeking revenge? It sounds like you might've made her academic years challenging."
She attempted to hide a hint of guilt before dismissing the idea with a loud proclamation. "Lucy is doing fine; she's a famous actor now.”
In truth, the two were friends, but Lucy harbored a crush on Sherlock. Eurus, however, couldn't let John and Louis know the full story – that the secret boyfriend she mentioned at Parliament was a fabrication, and she had read aloud the young actor's love letter to Sherlock. Her envy and fear of losing her brother to Lucy were well-guarded secrets, and she maintained the facade of control.
The conversation continued, with Eurus skillfully steering away from any revealing details, keeping her mysterious image intact while weaving a web of half-truths and carefully chosen words.
As they arrived at the party, Lucy, perched on the host's balcony, cast a glance downward. Her expression shifted to a grim one when she spotted Eurus among the attendees.
"Came to ruin my life again, huh?" she said, her tone laced with a mixture of resentment and determination as she descended the stairs, preparing for her show.
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androgynealienfemme · 11 months
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"Because I never hide my real identity as a tomboy, I still feel animosity directed at me every time I go on dates with a woman. I don't wear skirts and don't use makeup, but I dress respectably. I do wear pants and polos or men's shirts but not men's undergarments, because I believe that no matter how many millions of men's jockeys I might wear, I am still a woman. However I have felt and thought like a "man" for as long as I can remember. My parents, four brothers, and a sister did not even try to make me act more feminine. They were unlike some other parents I know who did physical harm to their children who turned out to be gay or a tomboy.
As a child, I never played with dolls. It was always toy guns and wooden swords and boys as playmates. I was nine years old when I experienced that funny feeling that I now know as getting turned on, toward an older girl. I wanted to kiss her and go to bed with her, but I couldn't tell her, because I didn't know what to do. Schoolmates, neighbors, and playmates called me a tomboy. Although I did not hide my personality as a tomboy, men would still court. me. I do not hate men. I prefer women, because it is a woman who excites me. I have gone out with men to picnics, dance, drinking sprees, but I have never gad sex with a man, unlike some other tomboys who did before they became lovers of women.
Courting a woman is the concern of all tomboys. From my personal experiences, the courting stage is similar to what any man does- love letters or notes, flowers and chocolates, invitations to movies and gatherings, and visits to the girl's family. During the courtship stage, the problem arises not with the girl but with her friends and family. These are the people that causes us headaches, sleepless nights, and heartaches. Rarely do we have girlfriends whose families and friends vote for us. They always disapprove, because they claim it is immoral for two women to fall in love. These are the people who are very much a parent of our society, which scorns and ridicules us as if we are pariahs. These are the people, and many of them are very religious, who believe white is white and black is black, who talk a lot about ethics and morality, and who think they are now somebody because they are not like us. These people treat us like intruders. They are the same people who called you deviant, the kid who appears to be so pious, so moralistic, that they appear not to have sinned at all. They are the kind who teaches their children to scorn and ridicule us.
Throughout the years I have suffered insults and derision. I have been treated with disgust by these people. I have grown callous to their insults behind my back; they dare not say them to my face, because I will always challenge them to a fistfight. I remember years back when my girlfriend and I were walking hand in hand in a downtown area and we passed by a group of men who were just standing there ogling people. One of them made an obscene remark, calling my girl "the whore of a tomboy." I saw an empty soft drink bottle, picked it up, broke it, and turned ack to where the group was sitting. I swung the broken bottle at one of them. My girlfriend was so frightened, she dragged me away form that place, but not before telling them to fuck themselves.
There are still lots of things to be said about lesbian life here in the Philippines. We're lucky here, because we don't get beaten up just because we wear men's clothing. But a tomboy who dresses like a man rarely finds a job that pays well. it is always the low-income positions that await them- security guards, janitors, cooks, messengers, carpenters, vendors."
-"A Letter from the Philippines" by Marivic Desquitado, The Persistent Desire (edited by Joan Nestle) (1992)
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ofbreathandflame · 10 months
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That Paloma Faith fiasco is a very good example of how racism works in such intricate ways. This is what black women are talking about when we mention the ways we are gaslit out of representation. I don't even have all the words to delve into it how I want to, but there's something that is -- again -- so insidious about the ways people exercise power against black women. Even when we are supposedly being 'praised' in the process. It's chipping away at the foundation of our artistry and telling us how talented we are even when the structure falls apart around us. There's always another way to tell black women she is not enough without actually saying it, and as time goes on, you learn to pick up the cues, the weird dog-whistles. I'm so happy for Halle and her rise to stardom, I'm happy to see black mothers treating their daughters to the experience of a BLACK Ariel. I truly smile at all the innovative costumes, the seafood boils, and the t-shirts being made. But, I've seen so much hatred being thrown our way, so many ways in which people have tried to tank the validity of the film and it's sometimes very hard. And the worst part about it is the passivity of it all. It's almost much worse because of all the different ways people tell you will never be enough. For a long time, it seemed almost corny to admit (esp in Black spaces, as we're conditioned to just accept) that racism affected me on a very personal level. It was very hard to admit that. And now that I'm older, the strain is so depressing. Like-- sometimes I see my mama, and I see her physically recoil at racism. I see her raising her hackles when a white woman passively tells her she's not enough. I see what I perceived to be anger when I was younger for what it truly was. I see what my mother always saw, and it sickens me. I remember so vividly when my mama cried when I told her that the girls in my first-grade class didn't want to play with me bc I was black. My mama never cries. I've seen her cry maybe five times in my 23 years. But that day she cried, and she tried to hide those tears and I didn't get it then. I swear to god I didn't get it then. But I do so much now, and it hurts to know that almost twenty years later we have to see it again. I don't know but that tweet has set me off. I'm so sick of it, I really am. My mama integrated her grammar school, she lived through segregation, and watching all those black leaders die. And it just sickens me that almost 60 years later, she had to deal with me and my sister telling her about people didn't like us, and she had to carry the burden of knowing it was because we were black even when we didn't.
if you hate the movie. FUCK OFF. If the movie makes you uncomfortable for some weird reason you can't quite understand let me make it easier for you: it's racism. Fuck you and Fuck off.
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calamitycontrolled · 5 months
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The Story So Far...
hey there,
I want to write down everything that's contributed to my journey so far in the interest of memory and sharing. So here's my story from the start until now!
I was assigned male at birth, and currently identify as non-binary. I am 22 years old and have been questioning my gender for a long time. Thoughts about gender have been becoming more frequent and painful in the past 2-3 years.
(TW: Sexuality) This post will describe my very personal feelings and detail some parts of my journey that may be uncomfortable to read. I will discuss sexuality, masturbation, and dysphoria.
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My earliest memory regarding gender dysphoria or feeling like something wasn't quite right was when I was very young, maybe 5-6? I remember feeling excitement or euphoria when I put on one of my sister's princess dresses. I tried a few on and felt amazing. I didn't understand it at the time, but I guess that was euphoria. It felt almost like I was aroused. That's a can of worms for the TERF/ autogynephilia crowd, but understand that there's no way I was sexually aroused at the age of five from wearing feminine clothing. I would try on my mom's and sister's heels and take their clothing also. I forgot about that stuff for the most part, but still felt like something was off. For as long as I can remember, I've been disinterested in traditional masculine activities and gender norms. I have always hated playing/watching sports, fishing, and stuff like that. I thought I was just a stick in the mud or anti-social, but I never really wanted to do any of those things. When I was younger, I showed a bit of interest in basketball and baseball but that was extremely short lived. I spent most of my time playing video games, playing star wars, and skating. One could argue that these are masculine activities, though. I really hate anything to do with physical strength and competition. I've always been sorta delicate I guess.
Although I desired to crossdress since an early age, I suppressed those feelings to the point where I didn't act on them anymore, but I still felt them. When I turned 12-13 and reached middle school, things took a big turn. I feel like I've been depressed ever since I hit puberty and I can't explain why. Self-esteem and insecurity issues hit me like a truck. I don't feel like a man, but what else is there? I didn't know I had a choice. I desired to be friends with girls. More so I desired to be one of the girls- but I didn't really understand it at the time. I've always been attracted to women, but I don't know if I want them or want to be them. Probably both. I am pansexual, and have always felt strange around the other boys. I never felt like I fit in with the majority of the masculine crowd. I went to a Catholic elementary and middle school, and my two best friends in middle school both turned out to be gay. I wonder if people perceived me as gay sometimes because I recently found a note in my yearbook from a friend calling me his first love? I've always fantasized about being with girls and boys, but didn't figure that out until high school. At that time, I remember desiring to be more feminine, but being extremely scared. It wasn't a choice I could make. I felt so ashamed and out of place. My confusion only made me more depressed and angry at myself. Why would I even think that I was trans? I guess deep down I always sorta knew, but again I suppressed that part of me out of guilt, sadness, and shame. I felt like I would be disappointing my family and causing problems. I still feel like that honestly. Internalized transphobia is real. It's just rage towards my identity that manifests and destroys my confidence and self esteem. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to be an ugly woman, which is often the only thing holding me back.
I've largely only dated lesbian or bisexual women. A few of them have turned out to be lesbians exclusively after we dated. Almost all of my partners have identified as part of the LGBT community. That's just one thing I find interesting.
I've been buying my own feminine clothes since I was 17, and recently have been buying a lot more. I love to wear skirts, crop tops, and high socks. Now I feel so dysphoric when I'm wearing men's clothing. I am in such a battle with my body right now. I am constantly fighting body hair, my penis, and my broad shoulders. I absolutely hate to see that I have male genitals in my pants, especially when other people can see it. I really only want to buy women's clothing now. My egg cracked on Christmas Eve 2021, when I was drunk texting my then-girlfriend and told her that I think I'm trans. I lurked on r/egg_irl for a while, and did a lot of research on being trans. I remember lying on the couch after everyone had gone to sleep crying. Again, I suppressed it. I keep trying to "go straight" and embrace masculinity, but I fail every time. I cannot for the life of me be the traditional man.
So, if you expect me to boymode because that's my AGAB then fuck you! I realized that I'm living MY LIFE, and other people need to mind their business or support me. Everything else doesn't matter. They're not me, and I'm not them. At the end of the day I have to live with myself, and I'm going to make sure I love who I am.
Let's talk about my friends and family. I am out to my friends and have made steps in dropping people who are homophobic, transphobic, or otherwise won't accept me for who I am. My friends are a tremendous source of love and support, and I am so grateful for them. My family, on the other hand, is a different story. I've only talked to my mom about gender dysphoria, and while she's supportive, she is definitely confused and almost taken aback by it. She says that I didn't show any signs in childhood, and that crossdressing is something all little kids do. I think she expected me to be gay. She told me she expected one of her kids to be gay because my Uncle is gay, but not one being transgender. She keeps asking me if I like boys. I want to tell my sister but she seems disinterested in the fact that we're even related. I just want the support of my family. I'm tired of being doubted, because I do enough of that to myself. My mom is willing to accept me as a woman, but she said it will take some time. She wants to mourn her son. I want to tell her that she has two daughters now, but it's too early for all that. I even have my new name picked out, but I'm scared to take that next step. It's Siobhan by the way (Shi-vawn). I wanted to choose another Irish name that starts with S.
Sexual Dysphoria: It feels odd to share this information but I think it's important to acknowledge. Ever since puberty, I've primarily tried to penetrate myself and feel pleasure that way. I don't know why I did it, it felt instinctual. But I've never really had romantic feelings for men (not until recently), so I can't be gay, right? I was, and still am, so confused. When I first had sex, I really didn't enjoy it. This feeling that something was wrong persisted, but I didn't know why. I love women, but why can't I enjoy the sex we have? I dread having to be the "man" or top. So I started thinking I was gay. When I had sex with men, I didn't really feel attracted to them, but enjoyed being the bottom much more. It felt better. But I can't see myself dating or being intimate with most men. So I would leave those encounters feeling like shit, confused, and degraded. Now I am in a great relationship with a beautiful woman and she understands how I'm feeling. Sex is an important part of a relationship, but I feel like I can't uphold my end. My libido has been destroyed from anti-depressants in addition to the distress that I feel when "on top." Sex is still pleasurable, but I can't reach an orgasm and sometimes have to almost dissociate to cope with the fact that I have a penis. When I wear feminine clothing, research transitioning, do my makeup, or shop for feminine things, I get the same arousal feeling that I described when I crossdressed for the first time. It's not sexual, but I feel excited. My research shows that this is normal and it will calm down once this part of me is no longer repressed. Sometimes I feel like I'm just a pervert that gets a thrill from dressing as a woman.
I desire to start HRT and begin my social transition, but there's a lack of doctors/endocrinologists in my area and I'm waiting to keep talking with my mom about it. She seems worried that I'm going to transition. I know that there's never going to be a more convenient or better time, so part of me wants to say fuck it and just do it. It's obvious to me that these feelings aren't going away, I'm not getting any younger, and every step I take I love. If you are reading this, I hope you can understand me a bit better now.
Lots of love,
Siobhan.
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loverjed · 10 months
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"Little one playing dress up with a grown-up set of shoes" + Shiv and the bebe
"What doing, Mama?"
Shiv turns away from her vanity to see Marla poking her head into the bedroom doorway, Genevieve just behind her and Lainey taller than them both. Her three-year-old is much more mobile than Gen was at that age, maybe even more so than Lainey, thanks to two big sisters escorting her around everywhere. Shiv sets down her powder brush.
"I'm getting ready for the--" she doesn't want to say 'ball' or 'gala' in front of her Barbie-obsessed daughters. "Sad sack wasp trap," she offers, almost hearing Roman's voice instead of her own. "Aren't you three supposed to be with Chloe?"
"Chloe's making dinner," Lainey says.
"More like burning it," Genevieve adds. Which is why they pay Chloe to nanny and not to cook, but it's the cook's day off. So it makes plenty of sense that the girls were able to run off while their nanny was distracted. "Are you doing makeup, Mom? When can I wear makeup?"
"I let you wear lip gloss," Shiv points out. "Makeup is hard, and even though it should be just for fun, people think it's something that grown-up women have to do. You can start learning if you're interested, but you don't want to have to do this kind of makeup." She scowls in the mirror, picking up her contour stick.
"I wanna watch anyway," Gen says, peering over her shoulder. Shiv feels something in her chest twitch at the sight, her tiny clone of a daughter, blue stare as intent as her own. Behind them, the other two have moved to the closet.
"Is this your dress for tonight?" Lainey asks. "It looks fancy. I would like it better if it was purple though. Dark purple. That's the best color."
"Mhm," Shiv says, focused on blending in her makeup. "Can't wear purple with red hair, though."
"Oh."
"Mama, look!" She hears a series of clacking noises and sets down her brush to turn and look at Marla, who is standing precariously in a pair of her heels. The look of triumph in her eyes, the sparkle of mischief, is so familiar, so genetic, that Shiv stands from her seat at the vanity and scoops Marla into her arms, kissing her cheek gently, her eyelashes brushing her cheek in a silent apology for the Roy characteristics she's never going to escape.
"Those are too big for you, silly," she teases, as one shoe falls to the ground.
"Duh, Mama," Marla says, and Shiv doesn't think Gen or Lainey knew that word at three but then again, they didn't have two older sisters. She remembers her own vocabulary being quite expanded by Kendall and Connor, even when she was small. "They your shoes, not my shoes."
Shiv sighs deeply, shifting Marla to her hip as she loses the other shoe. She returns to the vanity, Marla in her lap and Genevieve still hovering by her shoulder, and when she looks in the mirror she sees her daughters all staring back at her, even Lainey, who is wrapping herself in the fur Shiv will wear over her shoulders tonight. They're all watching her in wonder, because she's someone entirely different to them than she is to herself.
"Well," she murmurs, in answer to Marla's comment that she's probably forgotten already, "maybe you'll grow into them."
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annoyedkayah2395 · 3 months
Text
Broken (AU)
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Kalina looked around making sure nobody was around before calling Kia and Tasha on threeway. Her mama bear instincts was kicking in with her big sugar, Rik and his no good girlfriend Amara. Even though her son seem to like to do shirtless instagram videos she was gonna protect him.
She seen it from the first time Rik introduced her to everybody that Amara was no good for her babyboy. But she put her feelings to the side and talked about it with the other women. They all understood Kalina point especially Kandice but told her to stand back to let Rik make his own decisions.
Kalina knew Rik was a lot like Liam which meant he was sensitive and let people walk all over him. Slowly but surely Rik was coming to Kalina about his issues with Amara and Kalina listened closely. She didnt tell him to break up with the trifling Amara but she did say to watch her and what she says and how she acts.
One thing about it Kalina will go to jail behind her babies and will smile in the mugshot. Kia answered after hitting both Kai and Malik with her shoe and Tasha answered after arguing with Isabella.
"Hey songbird. Whats wrong?"
Kia asked as she sat down and threatened her sons with a stare.
"Im finna go to jail."
Kalina answered honestly.
"What did Liam do now?"
Tasha asked as Nova passed her a comb, brush and some grease so Tasha can braid her hair.
"Wasn't Liam. The trifling girl who my sugar loves so much. I dont even want to say her name."
Tasha and Kia both went quiet because both heard that Amara was cheating on Rik but didn't know how to tell Kalina. Kai and Malik had caught Amara. Nova and Isa overheard conversations from Amara with her other friends. Isa was ready to fight her but Nova told her to wait until Rik finds out.
"Kalina you have every right to dislike Amara but we gotta tell you something."
Tasha spoke up as she started to do Nova hair while fussing with her eyes to Isa.
"Amara is cheating on Rik, Lina. The boys caught her and its with somebody Rik is cool with."
"The twins overheard her conversations with other girls. We sorry Lina. We wasn't trying to keep this from you at all."
Kalina's heart dropped because the one thing she never wanted her children to go through is heartbreak especially their first heartbreak. Tears welled up in her eyes knowing this was gonna break Rik big heart. She wasnt mad at the ladies for waiting to tell her. She knew how she got and she was glad they did it this way. If her nieces and nephews knew that meant Nika knew. It explains why Nika was snapping at Rik whenever he would mention Amara.
Hearing her door open and close and little footsteps she told the women she text them. Hanging up she wiped her eyes quickly and walked out to meet her husband and babygirl Neke who was giggling as she ran to Kalina. Kalina smiled picking her up and kissing her face. Liam watched his wife face and knew something was wrong.
After Neke ran to her room Kalina told Liam about Amara and Liam hated he was right and hated that Rik was going through this. Liam offered to tell Rik but Kalina shook her head and told him let her tell him. She remembered how he was when Sarah had came back and wanted to take them to Albania. He was quiet, he frowned, then he cried and that moment broke Kalina.
Both turned to see Anika and Rik coming in Rik with a big smile on his face and Anika rolling her eyes. Anika greeted her parents then went to go change clothes and play with her little sister mocking her brother. She couldnt wait to beat Amara's ass. Rik hugged his dad then hugged his mama picking her up and laughing when Kalina hit him.
"Why you so happy, Sugar?"
"Amara has agreed to go to homecoming with me. And then she asked if I can take her to disney world and I said of course but gotta bring Nika and Neke with us."
Liam rubbed his beard not wanting to dim his sons excitement and glanced at his wife who had a fake smile.
"I forgot to get us yogurt. Which one wanna ride with me?"
"I go with you sugar while your daddy watch your twin and sweet pea. Come on. Liam my house better not be messed up."
Liam laughed as he kissed his wife and ruffled his sons head his heart breaking for his son who had the biggest heart he ever encountered. Mother and son left for the yogurt spot Rik singing along to the radio. Kalina smiled hearing him sing knowing shes the reason for it. Rik turned the radio down glancing at his mama.
"You know me and Amara been having our issues. So her agreeing to go to homecoming with me was big. You know?"
"I know sugar. You seem excited about homecoming."
"I am. And im perform as well. Gotta give the ladies.... Ah.. Ah... Ah... Ma my ear! My ear! Im joking."
Kalina let go of his ear staring at him then looking back on the road. Rik rubbed his ear and mumbled the same way he did when he was a little boy. Sometimes when Kalina looked at him all she seen was that little boy who smiled to get out of trouble. The little boy who always ran to hug her and give her kisses. The little boy whos heart was going to be broken once she told him the news. They arrived to the yogurt place and stood on line Rik waving to the workers.
"You know, Pop think Amara cheating on me. Cause you know he went through that with the woman I refuse to acknowledge. Crazy right?"
Rik looked at his mother expediently waiting for her to wave off his father wild thought. Kalina didn't have the heart to do it so she kept quiet. Eyebrows rose in confusion as Rik still waited for his Mama to wave off what Liam had said. Confusion turned into hurt then anger as Rik played with his hand. Green eyes welled up with tears as he slowly started to put things together in his head. Letting out a shaky breath Rik went to sit down followed closely by his mother who was crying along with him.
"What I do wrong? I buy her stuff, I try spend a lot of time with her, try do the right thing. Like Dad does with you. My uncles with my aunts, you know? Nika and my cousins must know cause Nika always fussing at me whenever I mention her."
"You did nothing wrong, sugar. She just dont know a good thing when she has it. And you are a great person, Rik. Yeah they know Sugar and Im sorry."
"I cant be. First woman I ever known leaves us.. Now this. This hurts Ma. This hurts. I love that girl. I thought she loved me. Stupid Rik for even thinking that. Not your fault. Its mine."
As he did when he was a little boy, Rik started to play with the bracelets he made on his wrist. Kalina stood up and opened her arms for Rik to come hug her. Standing up to his full height Rik wrapped his arms around his mother crying softly. Kalina rocked him as she let out a shaky exhale.
"Your mommy got you, Sugar. Your mommy got you. I always got you. Its gonna be okay."
AN: Finally done..... Sucks.... Took long enough 😩😩😩😩🙄
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newtonsheffield · 2 years
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“I won’t be fucking her sister”... nope Josie you won’t, you’ll be fucking HER.
Oh but poor Josie. Who arrived a little early than they'd arranged to look around the flat, a little startled to find a positively tiny woman, Edwina, she assumes tightly wrapped around a man, their lips moving desperately together.
Josie cleared her throat, feeling it might be more awkward to stand here waiting for them to finish and the second the woman looked up questioningly Josie felt her stomach drop. Kate Sharma was a beautiful woman, that seemed like a slightly undeniable fact so in hindsight, she wasn't quite sure why when she'd imagined for sister she hadn't considered this.
"Can I help you?" Her voice was light, clear, a little curious as her eyes flicked over Josie.
"Um- I'm Josephine- Josie? We spoke on the phone?" She cleared her throat again a little awkwardly, trying not to notice the fact that Edwina was only in a Tshirt and her underwear. "I um- I work with Kate and Anthony?"
Edwina nodded, extracting herself from the man who was still pawing at her. "Right, yeah, of course." She turned to the man, "Sorry, My new flatmate, I better-" She jerked her head.
"Yeah, I gotta take off." The man said, kissing her quickly again. "I'll call you."
Edwina smiled politely, though Josie noticed she didn't confirm they'd be seeing one another again just watched him leave.
"Your boyfriend?" Josie asked, trying to break the tension.
Edwina startled with a chuckle, "No. If I told you I didn't remember his name would you really judge me?'
Josie shook her head, "No, I'm judging you because he had a neck tattoo and you seem like you can do a little better than that."
Her laughter was as beautiful as her voice, tinkling through the hallway. "Well, let's call it an off night. Okay! I'll show you around!"
"Do you wanna... put some shorts on?"
Edwina glanced down, "I'm good. Unless it bothers you?"
Her cheeks burned uncomfortably but she shook her head. She's straight as fuck, Josie stop it. "No, you're fine."
"Cool so, your room would be through here, That's Anthony's bed but he's moving it out in a few weeks, and trust me, You would not want that mattress. But if you don't have a bed to move in, I can get a spare bed and we can... negotiate."
And because she doesn't have a lot of choices, and because Edwina Sharma does seem sensible, and she had a wicked sense of humour and it beat moving in with someone who played the accordion and owned a unicycle, she moved in.
And it went fine, Until she was sitting on the couch a week later and a woman who was decidedly not Edwina left her bedroom.
Josie blinked in surprise as the woman waved awkwardly, dark bites blooming over her neck "Um, hey."
"Hi."
"Your friend ducked out an hour ago to get coffee, what are the chances she's coming back?"
Josie winced for the girl, "Sorry."
"Yeah, I figured." She sighed before she waved again at the front door.
"That was mean." Josie sighed when Edwina walked back in 90 seconds after the girl left.
"She had a hello kitty tramp stamp, I was not going there."
"I'm not surprised at your terrible taste I just... Honestly I didn't know you were into women."
Edwina's eyebrows raised, "Oh, I didn't... think it would be important, does it bother you?"
Josie shook her head quickly. "That would be a little hypocritical of me."
Edwina clicked her tongue, flopping down on the sofa. "Oh. Solidarity. Noice."
Except it wasn't.
It wasn't noice when Josie felt something hot a jealous in her chest when she'd watch Edwina months later, across the bar from where she sat pretending not to find kate and Anthony nauseating, taking someone by the hand and leading them out with a wink in her direction. Hated that she had to wear noise cancelling headphones to avoid overhearing anything. Hated that when she got a text in the morning from Edwina 999, she'd sigh, tucking her coat around herself as she made her way through the living room, slamming their front door before walking heavily back across the room, throwing the door to Edwina's room open dramatically.
"Edwina?! What the fuck?!"
The woman in bed with her startled, looking horrified.
"Oh I go and stay with my sister for one day and you bring someone home with you?!"
"Josie, honey, I can explain!" Edwina jumped up from the bed with a wink as the other woman gathered her clothes.
"Explain you can explain?! I'm Pregnant with your child!" Josie yelled.
"I'm so sorry." The woman gasped, scrambling from the room.
"You did nothing wrong! You seem nice!" Josie called back as the front door slammed.
Edwina let out a slow clap. "Josephine, another oscar winning performance. A baby truly inspired!" She let a kiss on Josie's forehead, wrapping a robe over her body clad only in underwear. "You want coffee? I bought pastries yesterday!"
"Yeah, that- that sounds nice."
"You're an angel! Anthony would never pretend to be my boyfriend. Though we did used to tell people we were twins just to see people's heads explode. Weird now that he's fucking my sister I guess."
I'm in love with you. She thought it not for the first time. I need to fucking move out.
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