#i remember my ex used to compliment my small waist (which i dont have anymore)

[mxwhore]

hello dear followers i am having thoughts

#babaradeep babaradoop #these are very personal so i am making space #3........2..........1............ go #so i have some self esteem issues that much is obvious #and ive been thinking about my relationships before reaching my 20s and they follow a very... constant line #in which im not seen as person? #i have a very particular way of loving people like #i learn what they like and i try to make them feel like they matter by bringing them my little raven gifts #like OH this looks like something youd like! i watched that show you told me about! lets do this together! #and so on #and i feel like #no one has ever shown me that level of care? #i mean my close friends do all the time but a partner? #i remember my ex used to compliment my small waist (which i dont have anymore) #and she used to say i was smart like it was a bad thing? cuz it made her feel stupid somehow? #i dont think she ever learned something as stupid as my favorite color #or my other ex that wrote me a poem that praised me for always being there for them? #both people that later went and treated me as an object #and i dont know! i dont know what is like to be seen by a partner and actually liked by the person i am #its always just... how i look or what i can do or what im not doing for them #which is like a big part of why sex makes me so miserable #i dunno. i feel like im not worth knowing most of the time #and that makes me so sad. and so angry!!! #i bleed love all over but i dont think there was a time where i wasnt performing for a partner in some level #like #the me i am isnt likeable #id love to get a letter from someone saying all the things they like about me #or something like that #id like to feel loved #OK EMBARRASING