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#i really don't wanna work in the morning
wrenhavenriver · 4 months
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honestly tho, imagine me earlier today, stuck in a brain-foggy out-of-body experience because of [gestures at last five days], opening tumblr to see dh3 rumors leaked. immediately upgraded the entire experience to Actual Living Fever Dream. will return to lucidity in 3-5 business weeks
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iero · 1 month
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Had a panic attack that literally woke me up in the middle of the night last night and lasted until the early morning and let me tell you, that shit is TERRIFYING. Needless to say, I think I'm ready to go back to work.
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kraeuterhexchen · 2 months
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I hate my boss I hate my boss I hate my boss I hate my boss I hate my boss I hate m
(i just need to rant ignore me <3)
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anotherdayforchaosfay · 4 months
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I folded laundry fresh outta the dryer tonight!!! I had folded a couple of big shirts for myself, but then got into A Zone because ADHD. If I walked away or sat down, the folding wouldn't happen. Seeing as I just had dinner and won't be able to lay down comfortably*, I opted for just folding laundry.
I FOLDED LAUNDRY!!!
Two big loads, another in the dryer, and one more that needs drying.
My ADHD let me fold laundry. Just...wow. Folks with ADHD will know how amazing this is.
Now it's late, and I get up early**, so time for sleep. I hope I can fold the last loads tomorrow. That would be fucking impressive.
#chaosfay talks#*I have GERD and can't take meds for it. the meds do something that makes my seizure medicine not work. the seizure med#comes out more or less looking the same as it did when i took the med. this means my body wasn't doing anything with the pills. i was#basically getting no seizure meds at all. i was on the GERD med for a week before i said fuck this i don't wanna die. any other med that#treats it will likely have the same effect. plus the diarrhea was very unpleasant. i trained myself to sleep on my left side and back to#keep the heartburn from happening and fucking with my asthma. if you have heartburn and find yourself coughing a lot#especially when you lay down the coughing is caused by your stomach acid getting into your trachea/windpipe. this is very bad.#laying on the left pinches the stomach closed. avoid laying on your right especially if you have a full belly. i've found it also helps to#go for a walk to do some upright physical activity to help with digestion and reduce trapped gas. if my heartburn is especially bad i drink#sodium bicarbonate in water (recipe is on the baking soda box) and my dr gave me the okay for it. it's basically baking soda poured into#vinegar but less violent and consideable burping. never do this with a full stomach because it can really fuck you up.#**i accidentally took my seizure med in the morning because i kept reminding myself to take my vitamins and my brain went into#autopilot and i grabbed the wrong med. rather than correct this i opted to get up early. my med requires i have food in my belly and#that means i must eat. sooooo i get up at around 8AM. i'm starting ADHD med soon (#my insurance refused to cover the first med my dr)#my adhd med has to be taken in thr morning and again at mid-day so again i need to get up early. my dr suggested i have nothing to eat#because citric acid/vitamin c cancels out adhd meds. so empty belly for an hour before and an hour after. 8AM and then around noon.
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🥶
#thank God for my father#my furnace inexplicably stopped working overnight (Galileo thermometer doesn't even have a bauble to register the actual temp)#(which means it was <62°)#(cold bathroom for my shower boo)#anyway so I called Dad since he was up to see if it could POSSIBLY be a fuse (I don't think it is since EVERYTHING ELSE is working)#so he's gonna swing by after work to see what's up#hopefully it's something incredibly stupid (please)#also my car battery is apparently having issues and this IMMEDIATELY after the guys at the shop asked if I was noticing issues#(they noticed corrosion during an inspection when I got my oil change)#and of course I said no but then hey! cold weather = issues yay#(thankfully that should be a simple matter of replacing the battery which--again--my parents can help with)#I love my parents#I need to get them some smashing gifts for Christmas to thank them for bailing me out so often this year#(Dad still needs to check the main light in my bedroom because it apparently has faulty wiring or something)#(I don't really wanna press that because...well I like my father and I like him alive)#also I thought my dog was dead this morning because she didn't stir while I stomped about the house checking all of the lights and fuses#I had to lean right over her and poke her and yell her name for her to wake up#couldn't even tell at first if she was breathing#so...it's another day#I swear I don't mean to complain it's just that stuff keeps happening#I know that's life I get it but also this is my blog lol#AND IT'S A BRAND NEW FURNACE IT'S LIKE FOUR MONTHS OLD#WHY#IS IT THE WIRING IN MY HOUSE?#hhhhhhhh
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catboii · 3 months
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((Not to be majorly ooc on the rp blog but my anxiety is through the roof today and i kinda just need to vent.
I've been back to work for maybe 2 or 3 weeks after taking some time off for my mental health. And upon coming back I've had countless issues with logging in. Multiple systems have either been disabled, locked, or I just forgot a password and it needed resetting but it's not just a case of *change* done.
And yesterday which is a nice quiet day on the phones and I was hoping it would all be sorted so I had a nice intro back on, still not done. One manager said the one single system I had left to fix should be an easy one and he seemed pissed that no one had done it already, but the IT guys closed like half an hour before we figured it out. So I was supposed to go see him when I started today to get it sorted, get back on the phones. Easy! Sorted!
But today. The lift is busted. Worse, they're doing some scheduled* maintenance. So multiple people in charge knew this was happening. I don't like to call myself disabled outside of certain contexts, I prefer "less able-bodied" or something, because physically I can walk, physically I can stand for maybe half an hour if for some reason my life depended on it. But it's the chronic pain and fatigue, the connective tissue issues, random minor dislocating of joints and Ataxia that means I use a walking aid and even with that I'm slow, awkward and off balance, I walk into things like desks and walls, going from sitting to standing I need to steady myself with both hands on something or I'll topple over. On top of that I'm asthmatic and although it's medium risk, it's specifically cold weather and exercise triggered, it's really exacerbated by central heating and air conditioning. I've given myself 3 asthma attacks in the last few months just by existing at home and doing general chores.
I cant do even one set of these stairs. And my desk is on the 2nd floor (that's 2 floors up if anyone is reading this and isn't sure bc i think in the US the "first floor" is our "ground floor" then the first floor up is the "first floor" lol).
I do have a desk set up down here still, in the barely used training area, and normally I would just jump on it and go about my day with no help apart from our work chat I barely get a useful reply from, but I've been off sick for like 3 months. Things have changed that I'm not sure about and if there's a complaint you're supposed to bring it to your manager... I'm way too anxious to even try taking any phone calls right now.
But I'm also being paid for being here with just one system issue that should be easily fixable. If I get called out on it I dunno what to say apart from "if I'm left alone I will break down"...
I'm making myself sick I just. I dunno what to do.
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Goddd there's something so humbling about being broken up with when you didn't really like the person either,, like oh, I'm too much to handle for the guy who made me uncomfortable. Okay. When can I get my hoodie back
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good morning!! <3
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zwergenmaedchen · 4 months
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#take anything i say with a grain of salt and the promise that i will feel better in the morning#tw suicidal ideation#i am so exhausted today and most days and today i basically do not want to live anymore#at least not like this#but i see no alternative and i am slowly failing to hope that it'll get better soon (or ever)#this is pretty much exclusively work related btw#we are so severely under-staffed but the job is so shitty for so many reasons that i don't believe we'll be getting many (if any) new#actually competent employees any time soon or ever#and the thing is i unfortunately love this shitty fucking job and i don't really wanna do anything else but i can't see myself surviving#doing this for at least another 30 years which is being optimistic at the state of the economy in general and my personal finances too#so like. what's the fucking point then?#increasingly i just wanna give up and curl up on my grandma's couch for days and let someone (her) care for me and not have any#responsibility or whatever#this sucks!!! but i don't see a way out!#anyway#that old man hasn't showed up at my work today and he hasn't texted either so that doesn't help lol (although i can't stress enough how#little influence everything about him actually has on me in the grand scheme of things)#oh but I've started wondering if maybe i am a bit stupid and maybe he's been trying to flirt with me?? idk but two days ago at the gym#i asked him if he would visit me the next day (meaning if he would come to the store where i work) and he asked ''where?'' and i immediately#said ''well at work'' and he asked when i would be there and then said that he also had to work at that time so he couldn't#and i only just now wondered if he was maybe phishing for an opportunity to hang out outside of our respective work places???#and maybe i shouldn't have said ''at work'' as if that was obvs the only place he could visit me? idk man i should be asleep and not over#analysing stuff i guess#bc smth a tiny bit similar happened the week before as well when he gave me back the box I'd put his muffin in#and i said he didn't have to give it back right away he could've just brought it round some time when he was done with it#and he said ''but i don't know where you live?'' and i told him he could've brought it to my work instead#so yeah hmh maybe I've implied that the only places we are likely to meet are our respective work places? have i? am i over thinking?#don't answer this i know i am. I'm just tired & disappointed in the whole work market economy situation. mit der gesamtsituation unzufrieden#that old man#z rambles
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natreads · 4 months
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hate that with freelance I never truly have the day off because in the back of my mind I'm always feeling like I should be working
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tvrningout-a · 5 months
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i got a high b on my test and :' )) thank goodness that's over!!
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icehot13 · 10 months
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i have a new fear and it’s ‘is that leafblower sound coming from the roof above me and i’m about to have dirt absolutely fucking rained down on me while i’m outside’ if this seems like an oddly obscure fear to have, it’s not
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regscupid · 7 months
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not a thing is clicking in my brain for piercing
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da-riya · 7 months
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//
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lightningfilledsaber · 8 months
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I'm just so fucking glad to be alive
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lunarhoneybunny · 8 months
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sighs. okay tmi posting sorry guys
#lunar bunny chatter#my horniness has been fluctuating the last day or so and it's definitely because of my period. this morning was crazy#i went to some DMs to listen to an audio message i got and i just died again and thought about some stuff which led me back onto tumblr#and i just went to look at some text posts and now that i look back. dude i have such an atrocious daddy/mommy kink it's actually funny#i mean. i really like the idea of being an appealing figure and my criteria for who i call daddy is so specific. there's just two people#that fall into that category but i don't like the other person as much as the other one. hi sorry for being gay i need this off of my chest#also hanging out with some friends and im so bad at comebacks and all that. how the fuck am i gonna top without stuttering and fumbling#and forgetting words.... that's my biggest worry. it doesn't help that i get super chatty when nervous but maybe i can work it in my favor#i wanna try out the title stuff just to test the waters before going absolutely ham. maybe as a cute joke i'll go “oh sure w/e u say daddy”#“lol haha” but it just seems real fun. i think it's hot too but. yeah it's a lot to unpack ahaha.#i still have a lot of guilt for talking dirty and being more brave when talking but that's just because i always felt like i didn't have...#the right to explore that especially when a lot of people i knew back then thought of me as “pure and innocent girl” and like. yeah fuck no#this was a really meandering ramble but my point: “daddy hot mommy hot i wanna explore that and im also nervous about stuff”#i do genuinely enjoy when i get in the mood though especially with someone i trust and like. click with? i hope that isn't too much to say#but it feels very natural and i don't have to force or hide anything. i just need a bit more confidence ahaha#that's all the rambling i got in me im gonna listen to some classic music from latin artists because im silly and mildly sentimental rn.
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