((Not to be majorly ooc on the rp blog but my anxiety is through the roof today and i kinda just need to vent.
I've been back to work for maybe 2 or 3 weeks after taking some time off for my mental health. And upon coming back I've had countless issues with logging in. Multiple systems have either been disabled, locked, or I just forgot a password and it needed resetting but it's not just a case of *change* done.
And yesterday which is a nice quiet day on the phones and I was hoping it would all be sorted so I had a nice intro back on, still not done. One manager said the one single system I had left to fix should be an easy one and he seemed pissed that no one had done it already, but the IT guys closed like half an hour before we figured it out. So I was supposed to go see him when I started today to get it sorted, get back on the phones. Easy! Sorted!
But today. The lift is busted. Worse, they're doing some scheduled* maintenance. So multiple people in charge knew this was happening. I don't like to call myself disabled outside of certain contexts, I prefer "less able-bodied" or something, because physically I can walk, physically I can stand for maybe half an hour if for some reason my life depended on it. But it's the chronic pain and fatigue, the connective tissue issues, random minor dislocating of joints and Ataxia that means I use a walking aid and even with that I'm slow, awkward and off balance, I walk into things like desks and walls, going from sitting to standing I need to steady myself with both hands on something or I'll topple over. On top of that I'm asthmatic and although it's medium risk, it's specifically cold weather and exercise triggered, it's really exacerbated by central heating and air conditioning. I've given myself 3 asthma attacks in the last few months just by existing at home and doing general chores.
I cant do even one set of these stairs. And my desk is on the 2nd floor (that's 2 floors up if anyone is reading this and isn't sure bc i think in the US the "first floor" is our "ground floor" then the first floor up is the "first floor" lol).
I do have a desk set up down here still, in the barely used training area, and normally I would just jump on it and go about my day with no help apart from our work chat I barely get a useful reply from, but I've been off sick for like 3 months. Things have changed that I'm not sure about and if there's a complaint you're supposed to bring it to your manager... I'm way too anxious to even try taking any phone calls right now.
But I'm also being paid for being here with just one system issue that should be easily fixable. If I get called out on it I dunno what to say apart from "if I'm left alone I will break down"...
I'm making myself sick I just. I dunno what to do.
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