being critical once again
ed and stede is cute but it doesn't feel equal. ed's kraken era worked well, but the bullshit apology and stede immediately forgiving him felt wrong. everyone else being shut down by stede when they were upset(which made the crew trust him less) really made the whole thing turn a bit sour.. it made me feel as if ed could get away with anything and nobody was allowed be upset by it
let the crew be angry and have some resentment(for longer than half an ep)! let them slowly come back and start to trust him again, and let stede be angry and pissed! i feel like everything went back to normal far too quick. if stede were angrier and actually held ed accountable and fought for his crew(the crew that ed tried to murder in case you forgot) their relationship would've been much more balanced
also them retiring felt wrong. what about their found family(aka the largest theme in the show!!!). they really just left everything they've ever fought for behind, for each other. its a trope that sounds cute in theory but in practice is just another one of their whims(disguised as destiny) i fear.
i love stede and i love ed, but given their track record: the dynamic, forgiveness arc and ending makes me feel like stede did all of that for ed because ed wanted to leave piracy. stede feels like the kraken era and everything was his fault(he is not responsible for eds actions, even if he was the one that made him upset), and because of that he left the family he spent so long creating behind. idk its a bit weird to me
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ohhh. what if the nursery that Pyrrha painted on the 9th was the creche. what if those mint green walls saw every member of the 9th raised from birth to 18 years old amongst their family and house (what's the difference, when you are raised as one and the same?) penitents and tombkeepers and Anastasia's immortality. and what if those same mint green walls saw their number dwindle, and the house begin to fail -- but even still, there were children it could protect and raise and cherish. even those not of the 9th! even a little baby with bright red hair.
but then suddenly all the children are gone but one, the little baby with bright red hair who refused to die with her mother and refused to die in the massacre and refused to die in the neglect that followed. and it's just her, the others are gone. (where did they go?) and she cries so loud and no one is there to comfort her but those silent walls, painted with love 10,000 years ago. how long does love take to fade? when does it stop being enough? when is intention just a fancy excuse?
she stops crying, eventually, and 9 months later another baby is born. quiet. dark haired. familiar, maybe, even though she's new. (why is she so familiar?) and these two children are the last; they grow and fight and learn how to hate, and still those walls are standing.
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I cant get vampire brian out of my head
Like imagining him being a vampire before he ends up how he does, and he doesnt want to hurt anyone, so he used to steal from hospitals and blood banks to get what he needed
Until Tim finds out about him and tentatively offers to help
And when shit hits the fan, Tim hasnt seen Brian at anypoint that he remembers, but hes seen that hooded motherfucker. He thinks Brian is gone for good..
Until theres a knock on his door. Tim answers it, not sure what hes gonna find, but he sure as shit didnt expect the guy with the hood and ski mask to collapse into his house.
And hes freaked out, but this bastard isnt in any condition to hurt anyone. So he drags him in and hears the guy mumbling something.
Tim cant hear a single god damn word the guy is saying, so he finally nuts up and pulls the mask up. At first, he doesnt recognize the man, but up and up that mask goes until he's horrified to see a too pale face.
Its Brian.
He looks like shit, like the time Tim found him and he hadnt managed to get any blood bags to drink from. Tim knows exactly what this is and like that he doesnt give a shit what Brian's done, hes unbuttoning his shirt to expose more of his throat.
Brian's bordering on delirious, but Tim can hear him now.
"No..I can't...I'll kill you.." Tim doesnt reply to that at first as he's sitting down on the floor and dragging his friend to sit up more. He's pressing Brian's face into his neck, letting him feel the heat of blood and the thumping of his heart.
Buh-dum
Buh-dum
Buh-dum
"I dont care."
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one thing i really appreciate about having an identity based in psychosis is that i have unshakeable confidence about my identity and do not seek external validation whatsoever
you agree, im a dog? i know already. you disagree? you're the stupid one here. "shout out to --" sshhhhpt... be quiet... i literally dont care what you think because im a dog and that is a fact of my life. i have better doggy things to do than read the rest of ur note farm but thx [starts daydreaming about getting my rabies vaccine] ahhh ☺️ ..
nothing i or anyone else could ever say or do is going to affect my identity or how my identity interacts with the world because it's sort of its own Thing which controls itself, i guess. thats so cool
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it's always funny to me when people blame jack's insanity and genocidal tendencies solely on lilith and moxxi's so-called "betrayal" and at this point i'm convinced that they played some different game because:
lilith and moxxi literally saw him kill innocent scientists only because he thought they may betray him, but there was no solid evidence for that. and even if there actually was a traitor among them, jack could've simply put them in some sort of jail or just deal with them quietly. but no. instead he decided to make a whole show out of killing them in one of the most cruel ways possible, while gathering all of his allies around. because his goal wasn't to just get rid of someone you can't trust - he wanted lilith, moxxi and roland to see what will happen to them if they dare to disobey him
after he killed the meriff he thought that it was - quote-unquote - "invigorating". killing scientists also "felt good". normal person behavior btw
he never cared about felicity. he doesn't feel any remorse or guilt after killing her, even though she was helping him this entire time. and correct if i'm wrong, but while he did need an army to take helios back, he, in the end, never actually used it. the loaders in bl:tps couldn't do much - we had to manually turn them into the loaders who can shoot or blow up stuff. and it was after we already got on helios. so basically, there was no rush to make a constructor out of felicity and consequently kill her in the process
by the time of the events of bl:tps he has already destroyed moxxi's underdome like she said in one of the side quests in bl2 (nevertheless, she still agreed to help him). and before you say anything about how he couldn't actually do that and it's a retcon because he was a low-level programmer may i remind you that he had the money to make a goddamn body double for himself. he had a fancy office. he had a chamber for angel's containment. and i think it's pretty believable that a person with that much money is capable of doing that
and yes, angel. while lilith and roland didn't know about that at the time, he has already enslaved his own daughter many years ago and used her to manipulate them into finding the vault for him in bl1. and he had the resources to keep her in her place, too
so, of course, when they saw the eye of the destroyer they knew what was going on. imagine somehow killing a monster that took down armies just to see its' eye being used by some big fucking corporation for god knows what years later
now, to the fun part - the betrayal. let's just say that moxxi’s good at reading people - she wasn’t wrong when she called jack a «power-hungry psychopath» and said that «a lot of decent people will live to regret it if you come down from helios alive» as we will see in the future events. she and others saw jack's true colors shine through during their little quest to save the moon and it was the only logical conclusion. she was fucking right
moxxi specifically asked jack to be at the eye of helios because she planned to kill him (and, well, people who agreed to work for him) and him (and his team) only. moreover, the station was already under attack by the lost legion by quite some time. so there was literally no possibility that it would've impacted any innocents (so idk from where some people got the idea that they killed "millions of innocent hyperions" - that's just called making shit up)
jack, on the other hand, didn't know how much of an impact that caused. however, he isn’t sad about the possible death of people that singularity might have caused (again, it could, but it didn’t - still, Jack doesn’t give a fuck). he isn’t even worried about his own team. all he cares about is that he lost a very valuable and deadly weapon because of «the things he could have done with it» - and it’s pretty obvious what exactly can you do with this sort of weapon. it wasn't just standing there to look pretty you know
also, while we’re at it, you can even argue how this whole “saving the moon and its’ people” thing might have been just a cover up for a real reason – that is, get this very dangerous weapon back under his control. but that's just a speculation based on some of the in-game things i've noticed, so let's not dwell on it
finally, i never really got why people are so mad at lilith for punching jack - she literally admits that she should’ve just killed him instead, as, in the end, it costed her a lot of people’s lives and, more specifically, roland’s life. she feels extremely guilty. she knows that she fucked up. her main mistake, however, wasn't that she "betrayed" jack - her main mistake was leaving him to die instead of finishing a job and thinking that he can actually be trustworthy
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