#i put way more effort into this than required

[hippolotamus]

So this is 39...

I was gonna do one of those X amount of things I've learned by age whatever, but 39 is a lot of things and tbh I'm not sure if I’ve learned that many (as some of you would undoubtedly agree). So, in true Hippo fashion, please accept this list of random assorted things I've picked up like shiny trinkets/facts I've come to accept through the years.

Believe it or not you're worth the effort, love and care you try to give everyone else but don't think you deserve.

Usually the more I've tried to fit in and be like everyone else, the more unhappy I've been. Let your freak flag fly and see who sticks around in your blanket fort.

Legos, coloring, stuffies, swing sets, daydreaming and other ‘childish pursuits’ are not, in fact, just for kids.

when given the opportunity, a solo car concert is a solid choice

If you're constantly putting yourself in boxes for the benefit of someone else... honestly, what's the point?

Find at least one person you can drop the mask with and be fully, authentically you.

Groups break up, accidents and weather happen... just go to the concert/show/exhibit if you wanna instead of waiting for ‘next time’.

nobody has their shit figured out (especially anyone acting like they do). we are literally all out here just wingin' it.

Some of the best life advice comes from fictional characters

Nobody cares. Nobody is thinking about you the way you're thinking about you. - Alexis Rose

Life isn't meant to be lived in moderation. We only get one chance at this... What's the point of living if you're just going to keep yourself locked away from ever experiencing life? - Avi Mulvaney

Make sure you’re following your heart - Carla Price

You’re gonna be okay, kid - Christopher Diaz

just because you didn’t die, doesn’t mean you’re actually living

even if you think you’re ‘too young’ for something, i assure you you’re not

i love you isn't reserved for family and/or romantic partners.

Platonic soulmates are a thing and they do exist

Dates with yourself are 100% necessary and sometimes the best ones

there is zero deadline or requirement to find a romantic partner, get married, have kids, buy a house, etc...

Sexual and Romantic preferences are fluid. It's OK if you change your mind or didn't 'figure it out' until your 20s, 30s, 40s or beyond.

You're complete as you are. Without the degree, the partner, the [current arbitrary standard]

Cliche as hell but life doesn’t end because you didn’t get the job/house/partner. Odds are good it’s the best thing that could have happened and you’ll be delighted it did.

Blood may be thicker than water but Found Family, the Family We Choose, is often the best family

Shared genetics doesn't demand your unwavering loyalty

I'm human and I fuck up. I make the wrong choice, say the wrong thing, don’t say anything or say too much. Way more than I want to, and often in the name of trying to keep the peace.

Do you write, paint, draw, some other variety of art? Congratulations 🥳 you’re an author/artist. A real one. Yes, you!

As such (and I will die on this hill) you don’t owe anything to anyone. Not the fic, the next chapter, the snippet, the gif set, etc. Your works are not the price of membership to fandom.

Missing someone and being glad they’re not in your life anymore aren’t mutually exclusive concepts.

You’re more than enough, but not too much. Never too much. I promise.

headpats & forehead kisses 💞🦛

#hippo rambles #not 39 things #hippo wisdom #i realize some of these are oddly specific #but i’ve been around a while and found them necessary

[arolesbianism]

Finally drew the messed up guy of all time <3

#keese draws #rain world #rainworld #sliver of straw #consider my sliver more of an au than hc since I do a lot with them I wouldn’t do for an actual canon sliver #if we were to get a canon sliver characterization (which I wouldn’t want in the first place) I’d want smth Very different #with that disclaimer out of the way tho minor infodump time #my sliver is the youngest of her local iterator group along with being a fairly rare model #basically she’s built much more for efficiency and generally requires a lot less resources to power #this is largely because she doesn’t host a city like most iterators do and was made with the surrounding icy environment in mind #as a result she’s not nearly as environmentally destructive as most iterators #they’re not Not destructive mind you but generally their tundra like surroundings have stayed relatively in tact #they host a research facility atop their structure and was generally meant to aid in the research of the stationed scientists #because of this it interacted with far far less anchients than most iterators did and only did in professional environments #because of this far less effort was put into its puppet and vocal box with its voice being entirely flat #it still managed to manifest quite the strong personality however largely stitched from its local iterators #internally she’s quite the wreck being very emotionally unstable and desperate for attention #she has piss poor emotional intelligence however and as such tries to find very tangible ways to help the ppl she cares abt #this ultimately leads to a self distructive downward spiral as she clings to the idea of solving the great problem as the thing they need #and by they I mostly mean the eldest of her local group and their once close friend gaze from the stars #said friend was very very attached to her city citizens and as such took the mass ascension very poorly to put it lightly #and as stars became more bitter and isolated sliver became more desperate to fix this #leading to them diving deeper and deeper into their research and making stars feel more and more alone and betrayed #culminating I’m start cutting off her communications and sliver fully blocking out the rest their local group #until yknow. the whole tripple affirmative thing. #stars was still completely cut off leaving the rest of their group to watched in quiet horror alone as all the drama happened #they were a lot less close to sliver so they were in an awkward spot between not liking the idolization of sliver while also not quite #being able to comfortably point out how dehumanizing it all is given they hardly saw them as a person either before this #I’ll have to design my iterator ocs that are sliver’s group members soon I love them sm #they all kind of suck including sliver most distinctional family in existence

[lolly-dolli]

Here's what you're gonna do.

You're gonna go down to your local Aldi's, buy a 24oz bag of frozen mango chunks, a bag of rice, and two cans of black beans.

If you don't already have them; salt, lime or lemon juice and cumin; maybe some meal prep tupperware. Pouch tuna if you like that stuff.

Once home, put that bag of mango chunks in a bowl full of warm water so they defrost. Don't pen it. The bag needs to stay closed. This'll make sense later.

Prepare enough water in a pot to cook two cups of that rice. Make sure the pot's big. Big enough to hold way more rice than you expect there to be. Add a teaspoon of cumin, two tablespoons lime or lemon juice, salt according to preference. Pat of butter.

Boil. Make sure the butler's melted. Stir to combine.

Add your rice. Cook according to rice bag.

If you have a protein, you can cook that now. 20-30 minutes at your disposal. If not, that's why we got the second can of beans for.

I recommend Aldi's tuna steaks - quick to defrost, 5 bucks for 2-3. Lean protein. Real nice. Creme de la crumb's tuna marinade also works real nice if you have the energy.

A pouch of tuna's just as good functionally.

Less mercury that way.

You can mix it in that if you want, too.

Strain your beans. Conserve a little bean water for the rice if you want.

Your rice is done.

Add your beans. Twice as many if you're feeling like it'll be a bad week. Two or three pouch tunas too if you want a little extra.

If you have the lemon pepper kind you can probably nix the citrus juice.

Now we go back to your mango. If all's worked correctly, the warm water should've thawed them somewhat, the heat warming the air in the bag.

Dump 'em in, turn the burner to low heat. Stir until well combined.

Portion out into Tupperware.

You've got a good couple meals right there. Even more as side dishes if you have the energy to cook chicken nuggets or fish or veggies or whatever.

Lunch. Breakfast. Dinner.

Carbs to keep you awake and moving.

Protein to fuel your muscles.

Bit of fiber to push it all through your guts easier.

Citric acid to avoid the scurvy.

Can be eaten hot or cold, and the shit's good, too.

You're gonna have something tasty to eat whether you can operate a microwave or not this week.

That's what you're gonna do.

#adhd hacks #recipe #depression hacks #cooking hacks #cooking #you deserve better than a simple beige diet. #i had a lot of fun cooking this old favorite with my boyfriend this weekend. #the bag of mango was way bigger than we needed for one meal so they helped me prep cook some emergency dinner #this one is pretty simple in prep so if you can grocery shop and make mac and cheese this shouldn't be too much #it's a bit more pricey the first time around but getting a big bag of rice cuts this cost significantly. #fresh mango works too but frozen is cheaper #more cost effective and requires less spoons #canned beans are thankfully dirt cheap #pouch tuna is also wicked good lean protien-wise and $0.50-1 a pouch for store brand is a great way to eat #take care of yourselves friends. slowly building up the energy to put the effort you deserve into yourself doesn't have to start big. #it doesn't have to hurt. baby steps where you can take them are steps nonetheless.

[elementalsparkles]

sometimes i forget i don't actually have to play a game but can just watch playthroughs

#gaming #honkai star rail #hsr salt #i do like the atmosphere don't get me wrong especially during When the Stars of Ingenuity Shine #or Total Recall (March 7th story quest) #and you can't exactly experience that the same way when watching a playthrough #but like only 60% of the time does all the effort i have to put in feel worthwhile? #building is just too tedious despite autoplay #i mean i also kinda get this with genshin that i feel like it requires more of my time than i'm willing to give #in genshin at least i can lower my world level/not raise it + play with my bro #but in hsr enemies seem to get stronger even when i don't do Trial of Equilibrium #it's not even that combat doesn't look good #building is just not satisfying at all imo and i keep losing #if it's not traces that are too low it's light cone and if it's not light cone is artifacts #genshin just feels more cozy? even though i like star rail character design much much better #coral plays ➸ star rail

[lupismaris]

I'm just gonna complain in the tags tw medical stuff tbd etc

#its the final stretch and i refuse to will anything into this universe other than this is the final stretch im having treatment and it ends #this is the end of this here and now i will not continue to live like this i cannot continue to live like this i cannot carry this fatigue #any further genuinely i cannot its not a matter of will not anymore i just... i cannot. im legitimately still hiding at the office #despite everyone else having gone home because it takes too much effort to gather my things and walk to my car and im afraid of falling #i forgot my cane at home and its cold and my body struggles with temperature regulating and seizes up so badly #but the fatigue has finally reached a point where its hard to lift my bag or put my coat on or my jewelry without help #or walk across the parking lot just to get to my car and its not like the usual hey we have to adjust to new level of disabled #it's fatigue kneecapping you put of nowhere with a tireiron until you can barely loft your bag or fix tea or prepare dinner #and the fact the all the joy of food has been robbed from me because everything takes so much goddamn effort now #everything takes ten more steps and an hour more planning and special ingredients and yes i know lots of people live like this always #but i haven't and its been a forced short term adjustment period with absolutely no support from medical professionals #and im the only cook in my household/family/immediate social circle so all the labor inevitably falls on me not out of malice #but by default even if they try to help they can only do so much because they dont know what to do #i am literally on the verge of a meltdown just thinking about how much effort dinner is going to take because i cant just #eat a fuckin box of easy mac or ramen with an egg and go to bed no I've got to make a special soup with special ingredients #or a proper balanced meal with protein and veg and whole grain and certain seasoning #and im just so fuckin tired im so goddamn tired if this radiologist doesn't come back and say i can eat freely come Friday #i genuinely dont know what im going to do #food is one of my greatest joys and to be limited even in such bizarrely simple ways requiring so much excess labor #is too much. its too much on top of all this hypothyroidic fatigue. i cant do it. #i dont want to go home and make a fuckin soup. i want pizza. i want take away. i want lamb curry and rice. i want food i dont have to cook. #god im so fuckin tired my body feels so ancient like something wrecked in the seabed being involuntary hoisted to the shallows again #and im not sure its going to survive the process. i mean it has to. we dont have a choice. but fuck.

[figofswords]

writes half a paragraph of essay. takes nice half hour long break as reward. gets distracted and does something else. folds laundry. writes another half a paragraph. takes long break. gets snack. lies on floor. stares at blinking cursor where it rests in the middle of an incomplete sentence trying to figure out where the fuck i was going with that. lies on the floor. plays with the dog. gets a snack. mindlessly scrolls. finishes sentence and writes three more sentences. fixes one (1) citation. takes break. plays video game. puts away dishes. eats snack. writes another half a paragraph. floor time again

#please nobody give me study tips believe me i know all of them im just electing to Not Do Them #in my defense. this essay is looking like it's going to be WAY over the required word count max so. to be fair. #i am putting in more than the necessary effort just in. very very very small bursts #i want to go for a walk but its *checks app* 96 degrees out #i really do not care about this class im just being forced into it bc my credit didnt TRANSFER

[i-drew-a-ferret]

I dropped a scarf behind the couch. Did I

A) Move the couch

B) Reach behind from the side of the couch

C) Give up and say I'll get it later

D) Fashion a makeshift hook out of a belt and two safety pins because I did not want to get up EVEN THOUGH ANY OF THE OTHER OPTIONS WOULD BE EASIER

#ferret thinks #the answer is D) fashion a makeshift hook out of a belt and two safety pins #I put in way more effort than required

[madamescarlette]

#teehee i went back and found them even though the original is gone #i do legitimately think abt this a lot. partly because it travelled far and wide beyond me #but also just because this expresses a lot of what striving means to me #i've always had this teeny little chip on my shoulder because i'm the person who always has to try. can't stop trying always have to try #i get tired easily because lots of things take effort for me when it seems like they shouldn't! #but in a way it's my work and my burden that i'm a tryhard. i want no cross but my own etc etc #but i guess these three ladies represent so much to me what it means to strive for virtue #to cry on your bathroom floor because you're scraping the bottom of the barrel #and you have to wipe your face and sternly find that blind trust that things are going to keep going onwards towards brightness #just as long as you get up. and all that is required of you right then is getting up and after that we'll plan the next step after that #and in when you have to say something Real to somebody and you don't know if it will be needed or accepted and it's terrifying!! #or when you park in a spot and suddenly it comes crashing in on you that you have to Face This Day and you're not ready #and you have to reach into your heart and strike that match of the kind of wish that you'll have the strength for it after all #and you put your face on your steering wheel and muster everything within you to burn with that wish and hope #these are all very real to me and i wish i could express them in a more real way than a little tumblr post. but you know!! #i guess. have the version 2.0 of this post haha

[earlyspringtranscendence]

i wanna (mostly) finish a costume by the 21st which is entirely feasible with the exception of kickpads but i keep putting it off bc ive drafted patterns & even made the calico try outs (winning, being so responsible) but i hate copying and cutting patterns. i hate it so much. tracing a pattern onto a piece of fabric and then cutting it out is the devil oh my god OH my god. oh my god. 

#AND WHEN THE PATTERN HAS MORE THAN 2 - 3 PARTS . OH YOU MOTHERFUCKER. OHHH YOU MOTHERFUCKER. #i did this ~accidentally (as in i didnt think abt doing it this way it just happened) but i didnt actually use a pattern at all for my last #2 costumes for school #i mean one of them was a tube tom & a gathered skirt n the other was a circle skirt made of different strips of fabric & a pre-existing top #i mean i made alterations to the top and i didnt like Buy It for the costume it was part of a dress id previously used for another costume #and like cut apart and whatnot and had kept the top bc i liked the shape and thought i might use it for smth else #but anyway the only thing that required actually putting in any sort of effort in those costumes was the crinoline and thats. honestly not #that hard. or at least not the way i did it anyway. we're doing historical costumes this yr again im like #80% sure they wont enjoy it if i do a crinoline again this time but i do want to. #anyway. fuck cutting out pattersn i hate you cutting out patterns my god i hope its worth it #(plus tbh i dont want to waste this fabric and im not entirely sure if the shape of the jacket im making is gonna look good w this fabric) #(its a copy of another jacket i have which is a very springy knit so it falls rly nicely #i considered just cutting on the bias of this fabric but i dont know if it'd do enough & then u waste all that fabric) #(i cant decide if i should bias it or not. UGH) #plus i cant get More of this fabric if i run out bc its a curtain or some such from the 2nd hand store so . :(

[neuromantis]

aw2 gave me perhaps, one of the most important realizations of my life. just now. "how do you run from an idea?"

the world i created when i started writing. i liked it. and i liked my characters. they were real to me. but. i could escape there. but i couldn't live there. with my family and friends and loved ones, the only ones i've had then.

i needed to stay outside and keep writing them. i could never join them. so i kept writing. every day i would write more of it, obsessively. and with that came a realization of the genre of the story it was shaping up to be.

i keep calling it "automatic writing", because i really never felt like i was in control of it. ideas just used me as a conduit. the story was telling itself. and it wasn't. a nice story. not one with hopes or happy endings.

i once told someone a long time ago that i couldn't stand writing anymore because i loved those people. loved their world. but if i made more of it. they'd have to suffer for it. so i quit. i kept meeting new ideas and characters and i only wrote down the barest of outlines. because the narrative would inevitably doom them, there had to be no narrative anymore.

i think what also made me stop it, was meeting Adam. a guy i knew like 10 years ago who suddenly messaged me. he re-sent me my own message to him from 2013. "well what about the fact that perhaps there IS a god, but he just specifically hates you?"

the last couple of years made me accept it. Adam is me. N(adam)ian. The one who made it all. The one who set up the rules. The one they'd be suffering for. And I don't want to be that. So I chose to leave them. They don't let me. But at least I can not write.

#there's a particular plotpoint about a certain guy being involved who is more of a proxy of me than the main character ever was #that guy got... a rough hand. of knowing every plot point and story beat as it would unfold - before it happens #and his particular thing was knowing that no matter what he does - he can never poke a hole in the narrative #still he tried even if he knew it was absolutely pointless and that perhaps it's exactly his efforts that doom the narrative #because by being unable to give up on a story he is inside of - by continuing trying to dismantle it - he still played by the narrative #and since i am the only who also knows how it plays out and ends... i should put in more effort myself #and that effort is the only thing i can do - to stop writing #''you can change the story'' - i hope i find a way to #because my only ever way of writing was basically ''black out and come to a finished piece on paper/screen'' #i think... that's not a great way to be creative = it requires no input from me #i just let the story possess me and write itself #as i really have no imagination to be quite honest #but one of my goals for this year is to create more - no matter how scared i am - and maybe i can make that story MINE #actually be an author of it instead of a tool to write it or some dumb metaphor like that #also of course this is all such pithy horseshit #but i think aw2 shows a fairly similar situation pretty well #''you want me to write? the same thing that put Alan Wake in The Dark Place?'' #my story is a story of the complete obliteration of every story that came together to make it #an excercise in quantum mechanic bullshit that won't save anyone in the end as the only escape from it is to stop existing #it's an Apocalypse story in the meaning of ''there is no post-apocalypse. there is nothing anymore. at all. the end. fuck you'' #a pretentious excercise of trying to write a story that wants to stop existing in the first place #of people who fight and win by erasing themselves and their world #and it's really your fault if you picked up the book and liked them - because you made them suffer again #ew. i sound... like a fucking hack #no wonder my own meta-narrative ate me fucking alive #i am neither smart enough to figure how to undoom it nor creative enough to have anything else occupying my head 24/7 #truly fucking bleak

[ms-demeanor]

I think the eight alarms thing is usually a maladaptation. You've trained your brain to ignore the eight alarms because you kept avoiding the training of willpower following the first alarm would require. I think some sleep therapy might help?

Hey so first of all fuck you, thanks.

Second: I love it when you read literature on sleep disorders, especially if it's on sleep disorders among folks with ADHD, and you see time and time again "when allowed to sleep on their preferred schedule subjects maintained healthy, normal, restorative sleep cycles" and "effects were not lasting without ongoing intervention; resetting the sleep schedule is a permanent effort."

Like, if I sleep *great* from 6am to 2pm and I wake up feeling rested and alert with no special help but I need to turn off the lights in my house and shut down all electronics at 8pm and beam a spotlight into my face starting at 5am to wake up at seven and feel exhausted all day, I think perhaps it is not actually my sleep cycle that is wrong it is perhaps society that is wrong.

BELIEVE ME, when I find the job that pays well and has decent insurance that lets me exist as a cheerful nighttime ghoul I am jumping on that with both feet. But until then I literally feel better getting six hours of sleep and occasionally sleeping so hard that i can't hear my alarms because of chronic sleep deprivation than I do turning off all the lights in my house and ceasing all activity two and a half hours after I get off of work.

Also: the eight alarms aren't all there to wake me up, it's just that sometimes I *also* sleep through the ones that are supposed to remind me to go sit at my desk and start work. One of the first three usually gets me up, but on a day when I sleep through all three of those I will be sleeping through all eight of them and usually a phone call and someone trying to shake me awake to.

ANYWAY after being treated with melatonin and light therapy and staring listlessly at the ceiling in the dark bored out of my skull with racing thoughts for sleep disorders that I didn't have for like twenty years the single most effective intervention that allowed me to get more sleep as someone with both ADHD and DSPD was to start hanging out and being active in places where it would be easy to fall asleep if the sleep caught me there instead of turning my bedroom into a dark, silent shrine of snoozing. Giving myself permission to fall asleep late instead of laying awake chewing myself up with guilt for not being asleep helped too.

Actually here's some tips for the sleepy bitches in the crowd:

1 - If you're laying down and not falling asleep in half an hour, you're not actually sleepy; read something or get up and do something because you're more likely to get sleepy faster that way than you are staring at the clock going "if I fall asleep now I'll have three hours and forty five minutes of rest when I have to go to work; If I fall asleep now I'll have three hours and twenty minutes of sleep when I have to get up, etc. etc."

2 - Allow yourself to be ambushed by sleep. Fall asleep on your cozy couch. Fall asleep in the comfy chair. Let yourself sleep where you fall asleep instead of dragging yourself to where you're 'supposed' to sleep if doing so will wake you up.

3 - The mythbusters thing. If you just lay down and close your eyes and pretend to rest you will feel more rested when you get up than when you laid down. Laying down to rest is better than nothing, it literally causes cognitive improvements similar to sleep in tests, and knowing that can help take off some of the pressure of not being able to fall asleep and can thus help you fall asleep.

4 - It's okay to "hang out" in the area where you're going to sleep. Read in bed. Play games on your cellphone in bed. If you want to go to sleep put on comfy clothes and bring a chill activity and hang out in your bed to do it so that all you have to do when you start getting sleepy is close your eyes.

5 - It's better to get some sleep than no sleep. Sometimes you look at the clock and it's six AM and whoops, fuck it. Okay, time for bed, don't stress that you're only going to get a few hours, a few hours is better than nothing. Lay down to pretend to rest at least and you'll probably feel okay.

6 - This one sounds silly and might not work for a bunch of people for a bunch of reasons but apparently there's some research suggesting that "well-rested" is a state of mind? I've had a reasonable amount of success with just telling myself "Yeah, I actually feel pretty good," and pushing through the day on a couple of hours of sleep. I don't *recommend* that and you should try to get as much sleep as possible, but yeah the next time you're low on sleep see what happens if you just try to decide to not be tired. It sounded like bullshit to me when I first heard it but I've found some success with it.

7 - This shit is cumulative. If you're doing a couple nights a week on low sleep that's not ideal but you're probably going to be pretty functional and you can work on it. If you overbook and overextend yourself for too long - I'm looking at you college students and new parents - it's going to add up. Try as much as possible to at least keep your sleep deficit nights spread out. (This message brought to you by writing 60k words of fiction in october and completely frying my brain because i wasn't getting enough sleep).

[feelingbitch]

🔥

Here! Have a free one on me! Answer the question you're itching to be asked!

[Also, on an unrelated note...saw that picture of you... you are very pretty...perhaps even ethereal...Have a nice day!]

omg thank you thats so sweet............. sending you kissies

ummmmm random unpopular opinion..... i dont rly support zoos and aquariums, could write a whole ass essay on this but basically this idea that they are important parts of wildlife conservation just isnt really true. the vast majority of animals in zoos and aquariums are not endangered, and and not all of those that are, are part of active & successful conservation programs which involve breeding and repopulating; in fact, especially aquariums in particular take more wild animals from their natural habitat than they release as part of repopulation efforts, thereby even reducing the number of individual animals of a species in the wild.

in my opinion the money from government funding spent on zoos and aquariums (they usually dont make enough to be sustainable and get funded by taxes) would be much better off going into local nature preservation and the conservation of local endangered species which can be bred and released into their natural habitat effectively, and zoos and aquariums simply dont do that effectively enough to justify keeping all those other exotic animals that have no business sitting around in the middle of some city

#idk i feel like these institutions have done a reaaally good job at convincing people that theyre doing something really good and important? #but at the end of the day its still just entertainment using wild animals in captivity #repackaged to look wholesome and feel-good #im not saying zoos have never contributed to animal conservation ever. ofc they have and still do #what im saying is that conservation programs do not require hundreds of other species just sitting there for no reason #use the money to keep ONLY endangered species with active repopulation efforts going on and i have zero issue with it #but the way it currently works? does more harm than good ESPECIALLY aquariums #'conservation' my ass you catch fish from the ocean and put them in a tank until they die lol #fyi only 17% of saltwater fish can be bred in captivity at all. vast majority of saltwater fish you see in aquariums? taken from the wild #i could go on and on #but most people are rly convinced that zoos and aquariums are super cool and progressive and really help animals #successful marketing is all that is unfortunately #sry for the rant #this is what happens when you give me a free pass to talk about something im passionate about

[blumineck]

Your videos are so awesome! Question about pole dancing:

I'm a trans man, and before I transitioned I did some aerial silks and trapeze at a school near where I lived. Then I transitioned, moved, and after a few years have wanted to get back into something similar. There are plenty of pole places around my house, but they're heavily oriented towards women. One's even marketed for ONLY women. I feel really weird about trying to attend classes as a man. Any advice?

OK, this is a tricky one. As this is anon, I need to post publicly, so here's some context for passers-by:

Pole dance is a heavily female-dominated activity, and because it's also frequently sexualised (either by design or by association), and requires fairly revealing clothing, many women feel less comfortable in classes with men. Some studios might then attempt to foster a safer environment by excluding men altogether (and even if they don't, the vast majority of students are usually female anyway, so pictures on the website, etc rarely feature men even if there's no actual policy).

And I GET all that. But also, I feel like it's ok for men to want to do pole too. I was literally drawn to pole in the first place BECAUSE it defied traditional gender expectations. So here's my advice, to you and any other men who might want to start:

1) Ask. Drop the studio an email, see if they take male students. The way they respond will tell you a lot about whether this will be a safe/welcoming space for you. It might feel weird and scary, but they don't know you yet, and if their answer is off-putting, they never have to!

2) Be prepared to be in a minority. Even if the studio is welcoming, you are unlikely to be in a class with more than 1 or 2 other men (at most!) and reasonably likely to be the only one. You may find different moves easy/hard, and you may find it takes a little longer for other students to relax/open up around you. This can be hard for some men who aren't used to that dynamic, but it /is/ a predominantly feminine space, so it's worth being thoughtful in how you approach things.

I'm not saying this to put you or anyone else off! IME most studios are happy to take male students, and most students are reasonably open and welcoming, and once you get settled, you can have a lot of fun and make lots of friends. As long as you check in and make an effort, I absolutely recommend giving it a go!

#pole dance #advice #this is based on personal experience and some trial and error #it's not to be taken as some kind of difinitive rule set or anything

[doberbutts]

I want to talk a bit about the whole "fat trans men are denied top surgery" thing because it's true. Many surgeons have BMI requirements and will not operate on anyone classified as more than "overweight".

But I also want to discuss how testosterone often makes you gain weight, putting trans mascs in a fairly difficult position.

When I started testosterone, I weighed 178lbs. I rapidly shot up to 198lbs. At 5'10" I'm classified as just over a BMI of 30 according to my discharge papers, making me classified as obese. I also started having a bit of a cholesterol problem and being that A: I've also hit my 30s in that time and B: I have an extensive family history of high cholesterol in the men in my family, we tried changing my diet and exercise to see if it was lifestyle or if it was genetic.

In that timespan I dropped 3lbs (bringing me to 195lbs, just under that obese line) and my cholesterol continued to climb. It's been about 7 or 8 months with no other change.

When I tell people that I weigh roughly 200lbs, they don't normally believe me. To be clear I don't really care about any of these numbers, I care about my overall health irt stamina, strength, fatigue, etc and I care about my actual muscle mass and body condition. There are, admittedly, times where I look at my stomach and go :( aww I used to be skinnier. But then there's also times like two nights ago when I looked in the mirror after my shower and just saw A Guy standing there looking at me.

Anyway. My point is, testosterone (and age) made me gain a significant amount of weight, and nothing really I've done has gotten it off. Which is fine with me, because I feel better at this current condition and am stronger and have more stamina than I ever did at lower weights even when I was a competing athlete. Everyone I tell my weight and BMI to is shocked to learn that I am 200lbs and classified as obese. From complete disbelief until I stand on a scale, to the immediate "you wear it well" or "it's all muscle though", to the inevitable "okay but BMI is a load of shit anyway", clearly even though that's what the numbers say I am not exactly the poster child for what lawmakers and fat phobic doctors fear monger about when they discuss the "obesity epidemic".

I am lucky enough that while my surgeon is being very annoying in other ways, she at least has no BMI requirement. For 7 or so months I have been putting in a lot of effort to try and lose some weight to fix my cholesterol and I have pretty much nothing to show for it. If it's that hard for me, someone who visually doesn't really look fat, how difficult must it be for someone who is definitely not toeing the line like I am. How impossible for someone who is in the 400lb, 500lb, 600lb range.

Testosterone makes you gain weigh, and then surgeons won't operate if you gain too much. What a fucking joke.

[emma-needs-attention]

I don’t shave every day. It’s not that I don’t “need” to; I have very dark, dense facial hair that grows quickly and remains pretty visible after shaving. When I do shave, I don’t try to cover it with makeup (beyond some powder to reduce redness). In most other ways I present very feminine, but I always have fairly obvious facial hair.

And it makes me feel terrible.

I started electrolysis a couple months ago. It’s excruciatingly painful, expensive, and it takes forever. In an hour-long session, my electrologist is able to remove hair in only a small region (about 1 square inch). A few weeks later, much of that hair comes back. I am told that it will take two to three years of regular treatments to remove it entirely. On top of that, I apparently have a condition called Post Inflammatory Hyperpigmentation, which causes the skin in affected areas to darken after treatment. For nearly two months after completing a single pass over my upper lip, my mustache was more visible than it had ever been, despite having significantly less hair.

And it made me feel terrible.

I know this is the best way for me to permanently remove my facial hair, but I just canceled all of my upcoming sessions and at the moment I have no plans to begin again.

If I could pay to have my facial hair instantly and completely removed I would empty my savings account. I am intensely aware of it any time I go out in public. If it makes me so uncomfortable, why do I not do more to hide it?

I feel incredibly privileged for a trans woman. I have a loving, supportive family. I have a well-paying job. I live in a very accepting area. I have never had a single person say anything negative to me about my gender identity, which was certainly not what I was expecting when I came out. It is important to me that I be visibly queer, and in my privileged position I am able to do that without fear. A year ago I didn’t think I would ever transition; now I want people to know that I’m trans.

I am disappointed with myself for wanting to remove my facial hair, for changing my voice. I am determined not to have to do more work than a cis person does. Cis women don’t have to shave their face every day. Cis men don’t have to shave their face every day. Why should I? This is who I am, what my body does. Shouldn’t I be proud of that? Am I not supposed to love myself the way I am?

But by that logic, why am I even transitioning in the first place?

I am doing more work than a cis person does. Cis people don’t transition, and transitioning takes effort. I know that there are cis people, both men and women, who do shave every day. Am I lying to myself? I’m a trans woman; aren’t I supposed to want to get rid of my facial hair? Shouldn’t I be trying harder? Doesn’t this give me dysphoria? Am I pretending not to have dysphoria so I don’t have to put in the effort? Does the fact that I’m not trying harder make me… I don’t know, less trans? Non-binary? Is it ok for me to call myself a trans woman? Am I lying to myself?

As a woman who was a man until thirty, there are things about my body that I must accept, that I won’t be able to change no matter how much money I dump into my transition. I’m tall, I have broad shoulders, I have large hands. No amount of surgery or hormones will change these things.

But there are many things that I can change, and while none of them are requirements for being a woman, they may still be changes that I want to make. Where do I stop? Am I finished transitioning when I’ve done everything that is physically possible? My goal isn’t to “pass,” at least not in the way that word is generally used. In a time when cis women are being assaulted because people think they’re trans—because they don’t “pass” as women—the idea of what it means to pass becomes blurry. Often when we say that we want to pass, what we really mean is that we want to be conventionally beautiful.

I am a woman. Therefore, I look like a woman. My transition goal is to pass as myself. I’ve spent the last year trying to figure out who I am so I can look like her. I don’t care whether people see me and think “that’s a woman.” I want to be able to look in the mirror and think “that’s me.” But it can be extremely difficult to separate your own image of yourself from society’s idea of what you should look like. Am I self-conscious about the size of my body because it doesn’t feel like me, or because I’ve been told that women should be smaller? There are tall cis women, there are broad-shouldered cis women, there are cis women with large hands. Those traits don’t make them less womanly.

For the aspects of my body that I do have control over, I am stuck wondering whether I am changing things to become myself, or changing them because I have internalized that the way I am is wrong. At the moment, facial feminization surgery is something that I think I might like to do. But how do I know that I want to do it for the right reasons? I don’t hate my face, but when I catch a glimpse of myself from certain angles I can’t help but think that it isn’t feminine enough. What I should be asking is if it’s Emma enough, but how can I know that? How do I know who I’m supposed to be?

I feel like I was supposed to be a cis woman, but… why? Who am I to say that I wasn’t supposed to be trans? That I wasn’t supposed to transition at thirty, to have both a male puberty and a female one? Being trans has made me more self-aware, more open-minded, more empathetic. The totality of my experience is what makes me who I am. Maybe there’s a world in which I was assigned female, maybe there’s a world in which I was put on puberty blockers as a kid. But the girl in those worlds isn’t me.

Loving yourself and wanting to change are two feelings that can coexist. I tend to think of body positivity as simply accepting yourself as you are, but it is more nuanced than that. As a trans person, who I am inside is not the same as who I am outside. Which one am I supposed to love? I do love myself, but I also love who I could be. I’m transitioning so that someday they’ll be the same person.

Over the past year I have become both my biggest supporter and my biggest critic. I constantly tell myself how pretty I am, how brave I am, how fucking cool I am (hey, nobody else is saying it and it’s true). This forced positivity has been fantastic for me. I can confidently say that I truly love myself for the first time in my life. But I sometimes feel guilty that I don’t love myself more.

I can’t help but stare at myself in the mirror all the time now. I actually bought a new mirror so I didn’t have to walk as far to do so. I’ve taken more selfies than I did in my entire pre-transition life. After many months on HRT, I finally see myself in my reflection. But my eyes refuse to focus on my stubble. Sometimes I catch myself thinking “I’m going be so beautiful once I get rid of this facial hair,” and it feels like a betrayal. Fuck you Emma, I’m already gorgeous.

#trans #transfem #transgender #lgbtq #comics #essay #art #cw dysphoria

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

*giggles* #9 definitely!! Poor Tav getting a wtf moment before they remember? Or maybe it never occurred to them? Whatever inspires you ;))))

Prompt: listening to the other’s heartbeat

Astarion x AsexaulBard!Tav Masterlist

It was an odd sensation, feeling the rise and fall of a chest, but not a heartbeat. You could hear the intake and outtake of breath. Your head moved that tiny fraction of an inch in a steady rhythm, but no backing thump to bring it all together. It was like listening to quartet without a base; functional, but obviously lacking in something crucial.

“I can hear you thinking,” Astarion murmured.

You blinked, pulling yourself out of your musings. “The tadpoles?”

“No, but this does just as well.” He pressed a finger to the creases between your brow as evidence. “What’s got that wily mind of yours turning?”

“Nothing devious,” you promised. “I was just wondering, do you have to think about breathing?”

He didn’t answer a moment, his hold on you tightening ever so slightly.

“Not anymore,” he admitted. “It’s not required outside of speech; however, people tend to notice if you don’t breathe. Not immediately, but there is an awareness that something isn’t quite right, puts them on edge. It took me a few years to get back in the habit. Now I have to put in the effort to stop.”

You hummed in consideration, watching your outstretched hand move with his chest.

“What brought this on?” he asked.

You shrugged. “I can’t hear your heart. It seemed odd, your breathing was steady, but not your heartbeat.”

“Oh,” he said, as if surprised.

You glanced up at him. “Don’t tell me nobody else has noticed.”

“Nobody has mentioned it, if that’s what you mean. Admittedly anyone who came close enough to listen never stayed for long, and just as often were more concerned with their own racing heartbeats.”

He said it in a light tone with his usual sultry airs, but it was easy enough to catch the underlying hurt of it all. It was his scars all over again. They were such an obvious sign of mangled torture and yet, in two hundred years, nobody bothered to help. And here again, two hundred years without a heartbeat, and not a word. It was enough to make anyone contemptuous of the world.

“Does it…bother you?” he asked.

You shook your head, giving him a gentle smile. “It is odd, but nothing I can’t get used to. Besides, it’s a sure fire way for me to know it’s you I’m holding. As far as I know, shape changers can’t stop their hearts from beating.”

He let out a surprised laugh, the vibrations spreading pleasantly through your whole body.

“I think you’ll have other problems if you let a shape changer get that close darling,” he said.

“Well, let’s hope to not find out.”

He hummed in agreement, relaxing back into the pillows.

You let yourself do the same, curling your body around him as your head made a home on his chest. He held you there, letting his hands rub absentmindedly up and down your back.

“I can feel your heart,” he said, after a long pause.

“Oh?”

He nodded, leaning down just enough to press a kiss to the top of your head.

“Moments like this, I sometimes mistake it for my own.”

You couldn’t think of anything clever to say and so decided to say nothing at all. Instead, you turned your head, pressing a kiss over where his heart ought to be. You had more than enough heart for two.

#astarion #astarion x tav #astarion x reader #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #astarion bg3 #astarion baldurs gate #asexual!tav #asexaul!reader #bard!tav #asexual #astarion x ace!tav #astarion x evie