#i prefer to process the animals myself but now that i've moved i just don't have the space or resources to do so anymore

[professorspork]

the big 'Faunus worldbuilding in Newsbees' post

as requested by EVER SO MANY OF YOU (!!), I now embark upon a post to talk much more about the Shallow Sea Verses and about the Faunus culture and worldbuilding I did for Newsbees. I've talked about them a little bit before, and I'll try not to repeat myself too much there but there's gonna be some overlap.

I imagine when some of you asked me to say more about this, what you were hoping for was like a "here's all this great stuff I came up with for other traditions that I never got to use in the fic!" and that is--not what this post is, sorry. by virtue of the fact that this was, ultimately, a literary device very much devised to move this story forward, I didn't spend a lot of time thinking about in in ways that weren't plot-relevant. if you have prompts for, like, "how would they do/think about X" I'm delighted to give it a think, but it's not something I have just lying around.

instead I'm gonna talk about how it came about, why I did it, and what my priorities were

okay so I'm gonna take this in... I guess chronological order is the best way to make sense of it

from the outset of the fic's conception, I knew that I wanted it to be a reflection of my values. like. it's about unionizing a workforce, it's about socially-conscious community-building and class struggle and FUCK COPS. to disregard the minority oppression of the Faunus (which you'll note is something I always capitalize, for what I should think are now-obvious parallel reasons) in a world and a story like that just felt... not just insulting, but downright stupid. a missed opportunity. and I've always felt like this subject deserved much greater forethought and much better execution than canon provided, which I think can be described most charitably as "mostly serviceable" but is mealy-mouthed, inconsistent, and both-sidesy-whattaboutist at way too many points for me to feel like it merits any credit. like. if you're gonna do catgirl racism and intra-community disagreements over praxis, you gotta actually do catgirl racism and intra-community disagreements over praxis, you know?

(gee, I'm sure you're shocked Sienna is very much alive in Newsbees, wonder why that is)

ANYHOO

so that was thing one.

thing two is that this is perhaps the GREATEST ARGUMENT I HAVE for why I prefer writing everything in advance and then posting on a schedule, because I knew it was something I could then find my way into and then retcon back in, if needed, and that I therefore had the entire canvas available to paint on. and it's a good thing, too, because it saved my ass multiple times plot-wise and not just in this worldbuilding way.

to combine those two thoughts, the first time ANY of this actually came up in the drafting process was when I hit the Ilia scene in chapter 6. I knew what I wanted Blake to say to Ilia in that moment, which she absolutely couldn't say, which was: "I said the Mourner's Kaddish."

which: that's already a lot to unpack, so let's do that a bit! the first thing that drew me towards formulating my conception of Faunus culture around parallels to the diasporic Jewish experience is, of course, "write what you know." I'm not a racial or ethnic minority but I am Jewish, and so it was something I could use the 'draw from wellspring of personal knowledge and emotion' part of my brain for, rather than the 'radically and empathetically imagine the other' part of my brain. I've seen all sorts of fanon Faunus ideas where people drew on different and likely personal interpretations-- including things like the Faunus having their own language, Faunus interpolations of the Maiden myths and other Remnant lore having different values or being scaled more towards the God of Animals, Faunus having their own foods... if someone not-me had written this fic, this could have manifested in any number of ways. because the Faunus don't fit neatly into my (very American) notions of race, religion, or even X-men style "maybe we should regulate the people who have nukes for hands" minority/majority frameworks, I had the freedom to use the one that had the most personal meaning to me... and to deviate from that when it suited and felt appropriate. Neon's rightfully combative stance about Faunus mistreatment and how she reacts to it, for example, is far more aligned with the experiences of my friends and loved ones who are POC than it is anything I've personally gone through as a Jew.

so!

knowing, then, what my destination was (a Faunus cultural framework that would have specific death rites and rituals), I worked backwards from there. what makes a culture FEEL lived in is that people LIVE in it, that it relates to their everyday lives as well as its most significant moments-- what do we eat? how do we treat guests in our home? how do we handle life cycle events (birth/marriage/death)? without a country of origin, as the Faunus have none-- they made Menagerie, not the other way around-- and not wanting to go TOO explicitly religious by having there actually be some sort of dogmatic (har har DOG-matic) text about the God of Animals, I instead lit upon the idea of old poems whose metaphors have been transformed into material gifts. this felt intuitive to me probably largely because I'm Jewish (we're called the People of the Book for a reason lmao, we're all about interpretation and re-interpretation of text) but also, honestly, because the written word is WILDLY IMPORTANT in newsbees. they work at a newspaper! there's a reason the very last words of the story are Blake saying "for the record," which is a reporting pun. in hindsight, however, this is also sort of Sappho-y, which is also neat and, again, shows that ALL the ways I've experienced my own Otherness show up here.

having a text then gave me a scale of orthodoxy to work from, as in "very traditional people still recite these texts in a ceremonial way," but also a background radiation-level casual level of interaction, which is "yeah I leave shells at graves because that's what my parents taught me and I don't even really know why." this also means that all Faunus have the same sort of playbook to work from, regardless of where they're from geographically or what kind of Faunus they are.

once I had that in place, I immediately realized that whatever traditional Mourner's Verse there would be probably would feel kind of insulting re: what happened to the Amitolas, which is why I came up with the Traveler's Verse workaround. and the second I came up with that, I knew I could use it to connect Ghira and Kali back into the text at the end-- I'd been wanting to find a way to do that and hadn't come up with a method.

the first draft of that scene then promptly infodumped every thought I could possibly have about the Verses, immediately. @theseerasures teased me that it read like a Codex entry from Mass Effect, and she was 100% right-- and it totally interrupted the flow of the VERY EMOTIONAL scene with Ilia, which wouldn't do at all.

and that's where the 'writing it all before posting it' thing comes in. that infodumping then became the scene at Doc's in chapter 3. this also solved another problem I had, which was that in the VERY first draft chapters 3 and 4 were one very long chapter. I'd subsequently split them, which left chapter 3 quite short-- but at that point, the moment where Blake is upstairs getting her snack was only a brief explanatory paragraph. moving the Verses stuff back made the chapter a chapter, so it did a lot of heavy lifting for me. wanting the Verses to feel integrated, I also at that point went back and added the engraving on Tukson's door to the prologue, so that it would be seeded in from the start.

which is kind of to say that ALL WRITING IS CHEATING. we get to manipulate circumstances to best suit our needs! callbacks feel elegant and cerebral, but they're actually a very blunt and easy tool to use-- you get tons of mileage out of just establishing something and then bringing it up all the time. I'd already written the thing about Tukson being picky about book damage, and so I let that become a part of the Verses lore by saying it was a Faunus thing, and then doubled down on it with the "throwing the book at Ghira" anecdote.

as for what things mean what, the basic rule I gave for myself is that everything had to be common and easily-obtainable for a community often left impoverished and on the margins. that's why so many of them are food-based, because that's a very "even if we have nothing else, we have THIS" sort of thing. when coming up with the thing that would represent love, I lit upon honey BEFORE i realized "oh duh, lmao, bees" because... I'm an idiot, but luckily I figured it out after a bit. I was very enamored of the idea of it representing not just sweetness, but industry (as in "busy bees"), that love takes steady and determined work. the second I did think it up, the Velvet gag gift ("they're making fun of me") sprang to mind, though ironically it wasn't necessarily tied to the Mantle Bee yet, though that was also already a concept on the page.

probably the hardest thing to come up with was the NOT-honey gift for the epilogue (which ended up being nuts for growth), because I was like... is it a pen and paper for a first job? Is that too bougie? maybe a cute little desk succulent? but what would it represent?

and yeah, that's pretty much how I got there. it was a question of making something specific enough that it would feel authentic, but open-ended enough that I could make up whatever I wanted to suit the moment and have it all feel of a piece. from there, it was just about USING it-- keeping it in the back of my mind in Faunus-related scenes to see if there were ways I could weave it in somehow.

phew! okay I think that's pretty much everything. if anyone is so very enamored of the Verses that they'd like to use them for their own fics, you certainly have my permission to do so (with a link back to Newsbees for credit, please). I'm intrigued to see what you'd do with them! but also, like-- I love how multi-faceted and varied different interpretations of Faunus lore can be, and I'd love to see what y'all come up with for your own systems!

CONSIDER THE GAUNTLET THROWN. HAVE FUN OUT THERE.

<3

#newsbees au #fic what i wrote #rwby

[shadesofgrace88]

I watched Elemental for a second time last Friday night. It was really neat to take in more of the details (background, music, character design, etc.) this time--while also still enjoying the movie. I really wanted to appreciate it on the big screen again and help the box office (even if it was a little). It was just as exciting and touching to watch as the first time.

[I kind of wish this was the title screen in the movie, but alas...]

Now, some further thoughts...

🎨THE ART🎨

I got the art book as soon as it was available, but made myself wait until I watched the movie to open it. I got it a month before the movie released. Legit left the plastic on, haha. The art in it is so mesmerizing. I do wish some of the behind-the-scenes 3D stuff had been added as well, or even a single layout from the movie. (hopefully some bonus features for the DVD!)

As much as I love and admire 2D art (which the art book is full of), I'm not sure if that alone would have displayed the emotions this movie needed and portrayed as deeply. I'm also pretty sure 3D has always been Pixar's thing anyways...Correct me if I'm wrong though!

But reading through the art book and learning about how they handled the process, how long they studied certain things for animating and creating this world was so fascinating. Finding ways for it to connect and work together made my art-loving heart so giddy. I remember coming across a Twitter post where one animator talked about how they managed to animate fire hugging by putting two matches together. Sounds simple, but it's so interesting and with the level of lively detail given to the fire characters, I imagine it was difficult to construct and render.

On the second watch, noticing when Ember lit up when happy was so cool. It wasn't just a smile or happiness of the eyes, but the entire character! I also found the stretch and squish of the characters to be really fun and cute. How the different elements reacted to their world was cool. Wade's hair! It's a wave that constantly moves! There's so much detail hidden in so many little things. The way they reflect onto one another. The glow from her fire. I love the outline to their characters. I think the art book referred to it like a membrane? It's more visually pleasing being kind of sketchy and not just a slab of bold lineart.

There are so many stunning panoramic scenes throughout the movie that showcase the brilliance of the world-building and characters. Such as the rainbow shot in the gif below. I honestly love the underwater scene so much. I found it more romantically alluring than even the Tangled boat scene.

💞THE ROMANCE💞

It's not just a slap-them-together-and-call-them-a-couple kind of romance, in my opinion. They have a plausible meet cute into not really "enemies," but they each have their reasons for the events that mesh them together. They have arguments. Like, realistic arguments...For a "kids movie." (I honestly hate that mindset so much because I prefer animation over live action stuff, but that's an entire essay, so moving on). The arguments aren't petty and stupid or miscommunication. They help each other to grow without being controlling or overbearing. And omigosh, THE CONFESSION! The date montage!

The romcom moments matched the evolution of a typical romcom beat sheet. (I'm writing a few myself so I've referred to it often). They have individuality as much as being a unified couple. Their relationship progresses fluidly along with the story. Low key kinda sad the gif below was just promotional, haha. She's like a gremlin teasing him 🤣

🎶THE MUSIC🎶

Gosh, the music. I get so excited with how well it matches the movie overall, and how well it crencendoes and grows quieter at just the perfect moments. There are so many scenes where it's just chef's kiss, but I don't want to spoil them, so...yeah. It's so whimsical. The Firish music is imagative and charming. Some of the musical bits reminded me of Spyro the Dragon, which is my favorite game series.

Thank you Thomas Newman for bringing Elemental alive with such a gorgeous score. And to Lauv--"Steal the Show" is such a bop.

✍️THE WRITING✍️

One critique I've seen a lot from people is how the story is unoriginal. To be honest, tropes exist for a reason. It's not the tropes that's the problem, it's how they're executed. And Elemental does it splendidly. Me personally being a hopeless romantic, I of course adore the romantic aspect of the film, but the relationship between Ember and her father is so vital to the story. It's practically why the story even kind of exists. Especially after watching it the second time and catching how many beat sheet moments align with her and her dad. When Ember said THAT near the end, I was crying even more, because...relatable.

As for the immigration part of the story, I can't speak much on it since I haven't had to experience that. It doesn't feel like my place to talk about, but from what I've read from others who can relate to that, they've mentioned it being well done. I hope this message of the story can find more audience, because as much as I enjoyed the trailers (that teaser was perfection--no plot spoilers, simple, cute, awesome introduction to the setting and characters), the official trailer and TV spots did not do justice to the heart of the story, in my opinion. I really kind of despise how much they advertised the "toot toot" joke when it could've involved more about the central theme of the movie. Like I said, Ember's relationship with her dad is so important.

Whoever marketed it as "Romeo & Juliet," I have a question...Why??? That play is a TRAGEDY. Just because "they can't be together" should not have meant they passed the advertising as a story similar to Romeo and Juliet. Wade and Ember are also more clever, lol. People are saying they haven't seen Elemental marketed, while others say it's been everywhere (signs, billboards, etc.). BUT, either way it was marketed poorly. The official trailer really should've delved more into the family and father/daughter dynamic more. For releasing Father's Day weekend, why was that not a decision during marketing???

By the way, it's not just Zootopia but with elements like I've seen people saying. This is an actual romcom, meaning the romance is actually crucial in it. I ship Nick and Judy, but it's not confirmed--let's wait for Zootopia 2 though, which announced back in January. Both films handle discrimination (and I love Zootopia), but where Zootopia has an actual villain, the "villain" of Elemental is the pressure Ember feels being an immigrant daughter and the opposites attract. External forces vs internal. Just because it's a modern city in both films, it really seemed like it had to be that way for Elemental. Like how the elements live among their world. The intro scene when the parents first arrive paint such a good image of the setting immediately.

I also feel like Wade and Ember are older characters. At least 20s, considering the passage of time mentioned and worrying about careers. Which is cool to me as an older audience member. I really want Elemental to survive and possibly maybe continue the story in some way, but after reading an article stating that a writer said there was going to be a baby at the end...Like, please don't. Let them live first, lol. As a couple. As Ember getting new experiences. Let her have her internship. What's Wade doing after they move? If they did a kid route, please do it as an epilogue or later short like Carl's Date. I just hate how society/movies/books are like "the couple has to have kids to prove their love" kind of thing. Bro, I think Wade has proved his love...

Anyways...

The casting was also terrific! Leah Lewis and Mamoudou Athie really did an awesome job bringing Ember and Wade to life. The emotion in so many scenes hits hard. Side characters were done really well too. I know some people wanted air and earth to be shown more, but maybe they could be more in the future? In the art book, the reason water founded Element City was because it was assumed the most opposite to fire.

I've read that people will just wait until it's on Disney+ because of fast releases anyways. Cheaper too, I guess. But Elemental really deserves to be enjoyed at the theaters with good sound quality and epic graphics. As much as I can't wait to own this movie to re-watch at home whenever I want, I'd gladly wait an extra few months to let Elemental shine in theaters to try to make it's money back and more.

Again, I'm begging people to give Elemental a try. It touches on so much more than romance, even though it did an amazing job as an official animated romcom. Family is a subject that is just as important to the core of the film. It's fun, funny, and artistically and musically awesome.

Thank you to Peter Sohn for pitching Elemental. For getting this story told and made. Thank you to each and every Pixar crew member who helped bring this world alive. I appreciate your time and effort put into this movie so so so much. You deserve so many awards and love for this project 🩷

PS, hubby found the classic Pixar "A113." Did you spot it?

#elemental #pixar elemental #pixar #elemental 2023 #elemental review #movie review #disney #disney pixar

[witchthewriter]

Hi! Could I get a Level 5 ship for Stranger Things, DC and Buffy, please?

My pronouns are she/her.

I'm bi and demisexual.

MBTI is INTP

Tritype is 592. (5w6, 9w1, 2w3)

Alignment is True Neutral.

I've been hurt a lot in life so it takes a lot to gain my trust and get past my withdrawn and seemingly robotic exterior. But once you do get past it you'll see that I love very deeply and I'm very protective of those I care about.

If you hurt someone that I care about I will avenge them. Usually by scheming for something you'll never see coming.

I have a quirky, dark, and self-deprecating sense of humor.

My love language is quality time. Though I do enjoy giving people gifts as well.

I love to make things, whether that's crafting something, baking or simply taking the time to create a well-thought-out and highly detailed quiz.

I am slightly nearsighted and have glasses, though I tend to forget to wear them. Sometimes "losing" them on my own head.

My favorite genre of books, movies, tv, and games is fantasy. And if you let me I will info dump about fantasy.

I manage to be both touch adverse and touch-starved. I have to know and trust someone enough to be comfortable with physical touch. Minor things like a handshake don't typically bother me though, unless I get bad vibes from the other person.

Due to being raised by an entire family of narcissists, whenever I tried to speak they'd interrupt me or complain about me talking too much or too loudly. So I'm usually pretty silent unless you can get me started on something I'm passionate about.

Most of the time when I do speak, my words get muddled up. I especially struggle with words that have R in the middle of them.

If I get hyperfocused on something, I'll go the entire day without remembering to eat or drink anything.

How I process things is in three steps; Detach from everyone, repress/numb myself, then move back toward everyone while wanting to be as helpful as possible.

While detached I tend to get lost in fantastical thinking and daydreams.

I'm brainy and content to work behind the scenes, most of the time. And do my best to be fair and impartial as I try not to let my emotions cloud my reasoning.

I pick up on things other people might miss and make connections that aren't generally obvious.

Social cues are definitely my weak spot along with passive aggression. If you're upset with me about something you'll have to just outright address the issue because otherwise, I'll never get it. I may eventually realize that you're upset with me, but then I'll get stressed because I genuinely won't know why. And if you don't fill me in on what I did wrong, I'll spiral and eventually just assume whatever our relationship is now over.

My hobbies include playing video games, writing fanfiction (though I usually don't publish it), reading, and trying to cook recipes from my favorite movies, tv shows, games etc.

I enjoy thinking outside of the box.

I always have the urge to "collect" (horde) which I've primarily focused into my video games to keep me from doing it in real life. But I still collect books and novelty drinkware irl.

I cannot stand the feeling of water on my forearms/elbows. Or have the ends of my pants or sleeves being wet.

I'm very clumsy, frequently tripping over my own furniture. (and feet) I will always have at least one bruise on my body and there's less than 50% chance I can tell you how I got it.

For a lot of things, it's rare for me to have actual favorites. One day I may prefer ethereal wave music and the next I'll be more in the mood for 80s rock. I usually have a top 3, 5, or 10 but no absolute favorites. And this goes for all sorts of things, food, movies, etc.

My 'fashion' sense is somewhere between Dark Academia and Goblincore.

I adore animals, especially the kinds that are less liked by society. Possums, snakes, etc. Though I also love cats and currently have a cat. I would have more if I could. I handraised him, bottle-fed him after rescuing him. He's 10, spoiled rotten and I defy anyone to tell me he isn't my child.

I struggle with driving cars but motorcycles or scooters, I can drive like a bat out of hell.

I am autistic and my stims include knocking, vigorously rubbing my hands together, tongue clicking and knuckle cracking. And I am kinda worried my stims will annoy the people around me.

On bad days I can be rather misanthropic.

I love all things ghoulish. And enjoy going to scare attractions. Because I like being scared. Though if I can opt out of being touched I will.

I'm a high-key slasher lover and low-key monster fucker.

I always feel like I'm forgetting something or leaving something out.

Please and thank you. 🥰

Want one? Here be the rules 🦋🌈

𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

I ship you with Robin! You two would have such a blast together; always laughing, making jokes and talking about the world. She gives you hope for the future - she is the light in your life. You wouldn't ever feel uncomfortable or pushed with Robin, she's always on your side no matter what.

𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・Likes when you play with her hair. Not a lot of people are allowed to actually touch Robin, so her wanting you to play with her hair is a big deal!

・You guys play this game where you watch people and imagine what their conversations are. You'll each put on a silly voice or accents to mimic the person.

・You drag Robin to Corroded Coffin concerts (more like sets but don't tell Eddie that).

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈:

▪️ Surrounds by Anatole

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔:

▪️ Protective Gremlin x Teddy Bear

𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑣𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢

She loves that not a lot of things faze you. Even when she had to talk to you about the Upside Down ... you were actually ... excited? Almost like you wished for something out of the ordinary to happen.

𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑

Is Eddie Munson! I think he would love how edgy you are, even if you don't think that about yourself. You have an affinity for thinking outside the box that not a lot of people have, especially in Hawkins. He would feel less like a freak with you. Not because you're a freak, but because you give him encouragement.

𝐁𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐕𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐞 𝐒𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐫

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

I ship you with Willow! The lovey-dovey, passionate witch who would do anything for you. One of the things I hated about the series was the fact that Willow "went bad" because she had "too much power". What bogus. Like yes, I liked that she was a student afterward in witchcraft, but then they treated it like a drug-addiction. IF YOU HAVE MAGIC POWERS, WHY NOT USE THEM?! Anyway, I think you guys would be a great match because you wouldn't try to hold Willow back. You would encourage her to be who she wants to be.

𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・Willow was actually going to put a love spell on you, but it was at the height of her magic; she thought she was unlovable and wanted to be loved so badly. Silly Willow, little did she know, you were already in love with her.

・She hums a LOT. When she's cooking, reading, writing, studying, cleaning etc. She just hums. You always try to guess what she's humming and it becomes a game

・YOU HAVE ALL THE PETS. When you move in together, you guys don't stop adopting, and animals naturally gravitate toward you. There really isn't a 'responsible' one in the relationship... so no one can attest...

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈:

▪️ Wait A Minute! by WILLOW (hehe get it??? Anyway, this really fits.)

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔:

▪️ Wide-Eyed and Curious x Kind-hearted and Gentle

𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑣𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢

Your loyalty. Willow is always so loyal to everyone else, that she feels like 'the dependable best friend'. With you in her life, she feels like she actually has someone who gives the same energy back. There's nothing worse than giving and giving and barely receiving.

𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑

Is gotta be Xander or Buffy. With Xander I think you would have a lot of laughs, everything would seem so light-hearted and problems weren't that big. I don't think you'd like Anya, because you've got the same energy, and too much of one thing usually leads to a mess. With Buffy, I think you'd have a lot of open conversations. She would come to you for advice and feel comfortable to talk about anything.

𝐃𝐂

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

I ship you with Dinah! I think she would be the most understanding and open-minded with emotional maturity. She doesn't act on a whim like Harley, or keep things bottled up like Ivy. She's quite open, or at least talks it through with the person she has an issue with.

𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・You love listening to Dinah sing. She has such an otherwordly voice that you feel transported. You ask for certain songs and Dinah always rolls her eyes

"Only for you babe"

・She loves hugging you from behind and rest her head on top of yours. Plus, she always smells so good, like rosemary

・Loves leaving little lipstick kiss marks on your cheek

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈:

▪️ Lips by The xx

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔:

▪️ Sun x Moon

𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑣𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢

She loves your open nature. Your honesty and willingness to speak the truth. It's refreshing, especially for Gotham, where lying is second nature.

𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑

Would most definitely be Harley Quinn! As your alignment is True Neutral, I think you guys would have a lot of fun. The chaos would be magnificent; who wants to do the right thing all the time?

#ships #match ups

[queendeeshorrorimagines]

Hi! If your matchups are still open, could I get one for Slashers?

My pronouns are she/her.

I'm bi and demisexual.

MBTI is INTP

Tritype is 592. (5w6, 9w1, 2w3)

Alignment is True Neutral.

I've been hurt a lot in life so it takes a lot to gain my trust and get past my withdrawn and seemingly robotic exterior. But once you do get past it you'll see that I love very deeply and I'm very protective of those I care about.

If you hurt someone that I care about I will avenge them. Usually by scheming for something you'll never see coming.

I have a quirky, dark, and self-deprecating sense of humor.

My love language is quality time. Though I do enjoy giving people gifts as well.

I love to make things, whether that's crafting something, baking or simply taking the time to create a well-thought-out and highly detailed quiz.

I am slightly nearsighted and have glasses, though I tend to forget to wear them. Sometimes "losing" them on my own head.

My favorite genre of books, movies, tv, and games is fantasy. And if you let me I will info dump about fantasy.

I manage to be both touch adverse and touch-starved. I have to know and trust someone enough to be comfortable with physical touch. Minor things like a handshake don't typically bother me though, unless I get bad vibes from the other person.

Due to being raised by an entire family of narcissists, whenever I tried to speak they'd interrupt me or complain about me talking too much or too loudly. So I'm usually pretty silent unless you can get me started on something I'm passionate about.

Most of the time when I do speak, my words get muddled up. I especially struggle with words that have R in the middle of them.

If I get hyperfocused on something, I'll go the entire day without remembering to eat or drink anything.

How I process things is in three steps; Detach from everyone, repress/numb myself, then move back toward everyone while wanting to be as helpful as possible.

While detached I tend to get lost in fantastical thinking and daydreams.

I'm brainy and content to work behind the scenes, most of the time. And do my best to be fair and impartial as I try not to let my emotions cloud my reasoning.

I pick up on things other people might miss and make connections that aren't generally obvious.

Social cues are definitely my weak spot along with passive aggression. If you're upset with me about something you'll have to just outright address the issue because otherwise, I'll never get it. I may eventually realize that you're upset with me, but then I'll get stressed because I genuinely won't know why. And if you don't fill me in on what I did wrong, I'll spiral and eventually just assume whatever our relationship is now over.

My hobbies include playing video games, writing fanfiction (though I usually don't publish it), reading, and trying to cook recipes from my favorite movies, tv shows, games etc.

I enjoy thinking outside of the box.

I always have the urge to "collect" (horde) which I've primarily focused into my video games to keep me from doing it in real life. But I still collect books and novelty drinkware irl.

I cannot stand the feeling of water on my forearms/elbows. Or have the ends of my pants or sleeves being wet.

I'm very clumsy, frequently tripping over my own furniture. (and feet) I will always have at least one bruise on my body and there's less than 50% chance I can tell you how I got it.

For a lot of things, it's rare for me to have actual favorites. One day I may prefer ethereal wave music and the next I'll be more in the mood for 80s rock. I usually have a top 3, 5, or 10 but no absolute favorites. And this goes for all sorts of things, food, movies, etc.

My 'fashion' sense is somewhere between Dark Academia and Goblincore.

I adore animals, especially the kinds that are less liked by society. Possums, snakes, etc. Though I also love cats and currently have a cat. I would have more if I could. I handraised him, bottle-fed him after rescuing him. He's 10, spoiled rotten and I defy anyone to tell me he isn't my child.

I struggle with driving cars but motorcycles or scooters, I can drive like a bat out of hell.

I am autistic and my stims include knocking, vigorously rubbing my hands together, tongue clicking and knuckle cracking. And I am kinda worried my stims will annoy the people around me.

On bad days I can be rather misanthropic.

I love all things ghoulish. And enjoy going to scare attractions. Because I like being scared. Though if I can opt out of being touched I will.

I'm a high-key slasher lover and low-key monster fucker.

I always feel like I'm forgetting something or leaving something out.

Please and thank you. 🥰

(Also feel free to send me a request if you want)

I ship you with.. Lester Sinclair!

Lester completely understands your robotic exterior because of the fact that he himself uses a form of shield to protect himself. Instead of being stoic, Lester embraces the facade of the "creepy southern guy" role. Although he wasn't physically abused like Bo or emotionally abused like Vincent, Lester was neglected for most of his childhood.

You treated him as if he was a normal person, even though his job isn't the most pleasant nor the fact he knows he's not like his brother's who had charisma/ artistic abilities. Lester loves how you love the animals that aren't as liked. Lester loves Possums and armadillos himself. At one point, Lester had a pet Possum that he took care of since it was a baby.

The two of you are the perfect goblincore pair with the amount of chaotic energy the both of you share. Lester's love language as quality time. He loves just spending time with you while watching one of your favorite movies while Jonesy and your cat are cuddled up together. He spoils your cat with pets and catnip once the both of them become more bonded.

When it comes to your autism, Lester might struggle with fully understanding Stims but once he finally understands it, Lester isn't the one to get grossed out or annoyed with your stims, this man hauls more gross things in his day job so hearing your knuckles pop isn't gonna bother him. With your motorcycle, Lester would most definitely ask you to teach him how to ride because he thinks it's badass(and hot) that you know how to ride a motorcycle.

Other possibilities: Chop Top Sawyer, Baby Firefly, Stu Macher

#matchup 0026 #dorkofclanlavellan ask #slasher matchup #slasher matchups #queendeeshorrorimagines

[survey--s]

626.

How long is it since you moved out of the house you grew up in? I grew up in two houses. We moved when I was 11 and then I moved out of the second house when I met Chris - I think I was 23? My parents were in the process of selling anyway.

What color shirt are you wearing? Black and white.

The last time you ate leftovers, what was it that you were eating? I think it was leftover takeaway a couple of weeks ago. Chicken nuggets, I believe, and cheesy garlic bread lol.

What was the last flavor of ice cream you ate? Mint chocolate chip.

Do you regret anything you've done in the last 24 hours? Nah.

What is your favorite type of soup? It depends on my mood. I like chicken noodle or potato and bacon. Italian tomato and bean soup is good too.

When was the last time you saw a beautiful sunset? Yesterday on my way home from work.

What is your favorite song at the moment? Survivor by Reba McEntire or If He Wanted to He Would by Kylie Mason.

What are 5-10 things you love about being you? I love animals, I'm happy in my own company, I run my own business, I'm happy in my own skin and I think overall I'm a decent person.

What is your favorite board that you've made on Pinterest? I don't use Pinterest.

Do you get on Facebook or Instagram more? I only use Instagram to upload stories to my business page and to message a couple of customers, so probably Facebook.

What color is your favorite sweater? I have three favourites - they're grey, black and purple.

What are three things people would never guess about you just by looking at the photos you post on social media? I have autism. I have sciatica. I went to private school.

What is one thing you have too much of? According to Mike, cats and wax melts lol.

What was the last thing you ate or drank that was blue raspberry-flavored? Sweets.

What are three of your favorite scents? Vanilla, coffee, freshly baked bread.

What was the last flavor of tea you drank? Yorkshire Tea.

When was the last time you wore your hair in a fishtail braid? I don't think I ever have. I can't do those kinds of styles on myself.

What is one annoying thing your computer does? It's a bit slow on Tumblr for some reason, like my typing doesn't always show up right away, but it was so cheap I can't really complain.

What type of fruit do you eat the most? It depends on my mood, but lately it's been melon, mango and pineapple.

How often do you go out to eat? Maybe once a month on average. We used to go a lot more but prices have shot up recently and it's just not affordable anymore.

What would your dream wedding dress look like? Mine was just a short white dress that came just above the knee.

Which fall flavor do you prefer: pumpkin spice or apple cinnamon? Apple cinnamon, but I like both.

What is the most annoying thing about your life right now? I have a week of 6am starts thanks to a load of cat visits I have booked in. Normally I don't mind it too much, but it's a really busy week so I can tell I'm gonna be shattered.

Which holiday treat do you like better: candy corn or conversation hearts? Conversation hearts. Saying that, I've never had candy corn.

What is your favorite apple-flavored treat? Apple Crumble.

What are you counting down the days to right now, if anything? Uh, nothing really. The next "big thing" is my weekend away in Manchester but that's not for another few months.

What was the last book you read about? I can't remember.

Have you been daydreaming a lot lately about a scenario you wish would happen? No, not really.

What are three of your favorite things about camping? Staying at home, hahah. Camping is not my thing.

If you could choose what month to be born in, what month would you have chosen as your birth month, and why? A summer month. Maybe June.

...and what is your actual birth month? December.

What are three of your favorite things to do on a rainy day? Watch my favourite movies, snack, take naps.

Would you rather eat strawberries or watermelon? Watermelon. I do like strawberries but lately they've been a bit rubbish in terms of quality.

Do you prefer smoothies or milkshakes? I like both fairly equally.

Do you prefer hamburgers or hot dogs? Hamburgers.

When was the last time you felt nauseous? Yesterday morning.

What was the last thing you ate that made you feel nauseous? I have no idea.

Do you enjoy going to your local county fair? Yeah, as long as the weather is decent.

How far away do you live from the place where you were born? It's about a seven hour drive.

Do you prefer zebra print or cheetah print? Neither. I'm not a fan of animal print unless it's on animals.

#survey #surveys

[ohbaby-obeyme]

Yooo what’cha gonna do with them bones? 👀

If i cant eat them i guess ill have to eat you 🦚

i’m gonna add them to my collection of bones, of course!! 

ahaha noooo don’t eat me!! i’m too cute to eat 😤😤 

#in case anyone was unaware lol #i collect dead animal parts #''''ethically'''' but there's debate as to whether roadkill is truly any more ethical than hunting (not for sport) #anyway lmao they're all scavenged #roadkill and hunters dumps and estate sales and veterinary/medical specimens etc etc etc #inquiries #🦚 anon #i prefer to process the animals myself but now that i've moved i just don't have the space or resources to do so anymore

[onlyhereforangst]

Hi first of all I’m in love with your gifs and your coloring 💖 , may I ask how you did the typography on your Peter Parker set with the red coloring? Thank you so much in advance! 🧡

hiiiiiiii you've made my entire week, just so you know 🥺🥺❤️ and yes! bear with me because it's my first ever walk-through/tutorial/whatever you wanna call it lmao SO pardon the screenshots if they're wack 💀 i'll put it all under the cut, hope it makes sense & if it doesn't don't hesitate to send me an ask like tf was that you rambled and made zero sense, i'd probably agree with you lol i’m basing this off of these two gifs i’ve done where the text is “revealed” by movement of a subject in the foreground. 

text reveal in a gif!

so first off, i use video timeline in PS as opposed to frame animation timeline; hence, if you use frame animation to make your gifs i'm not sure if this will translate over exactly the same and i do apologize if that's the case!

i've done this twice now & love it because it's actually way easier than i ever imagined it to be 😂 what it boils down to is creating a layer mask that is not locked to your text layer & changing said position of that mask at various time points/keyframes of your gif!

first, create your text layer with whatever font, drop shadow, gradient overlay, blending setting, etc. that you prefer. it should be your top layer of the psd & you'll start with something like the image on the left. then you'll add a layer mask while selecting your text layer (the white rectangle with a cut-out circle in the middle at the bottom), your layer panel should now look like the image on the right.

now it's time to paint your layer mask! depending on the intricacy of the mask, i'll mess with the diameter/size of the brush but otherwise i typically use around 70% hardness as my settings. using the black brush (while selecting the layer mask as shown above) you'll want to "erase" aka mask the part of the text that is on top of peter's face since we're having his head movement "reveal" the text. if you need to see what you're painting the shortcut to make the layer mask visible to you is "shift+\" (for mac at least lmao). i included my mask settings as well - granted this is just for text layers. i use ~30px for the feathering when i’m masking for any kind of overlays/coloring/etc. 

once you've got your layer mask painted & primed you're ready to get to the fun (read: more time-intensive) part. the next step will be crucial to the process, if you don't do it or forget to, it'll quite literally never work & instead just frustrate the hell out of you. you've got to unlock the layer mask from the layer itself. as in, see that little chain link in between T and the layer mask box? yeah? click it!!! unlock that bitch!!! hit the jackpot!!! discover things you've always dreamed of!!! (this works for any layer mask on any layer btw, it is my secret weapon i'm obsessed i will forever unlock that bitch anyways moving on). so now you should have a painted layer mask (i chose to make it visible for the screenshot) & an unlocked layer mask (i chose to show a before & after for this), in the end your layer panel (not your timeline panel) should look like the following. 

the next thing is to make that mask move with purpose. we’re going to essentially tell it where we want it to be at specific time points. when you mark those keyframes, the mask will move itself as fast or as slow as it needs to in order to get from its previous location at whatever keyframe to its new location at the next keyframe. so now we’ll be working in the timeline panel - like i said, i use video timeline, not frame animation, it’s what i taught myself ps with so outside of very very specific things, i always stick to video timeline. 

you’ll want to scroll to your text layer and hit the down carrot on the far left in order to bring up a dropdown list of customizations (you’ll notice there’s a lot of others things you can make text do - like change the warp aka wiggle or change the style aka seamlessly morph to a different color). we’re focusing on the “layer mask position” (which folks if you’re following along, is also how you you can make your coloring stay in the background even if your subject moves significantly in the foreground!). i typically start at the beginning of my timeline and work my way through the gif. i’ll want the layer mask to be “visible” so i can see where it’s moving as i go. 

since everything should be prepped correctly and in the right spot, you’ll start by hitting that little diamond to the left of “layer mask position” and a new point should pop up on your timeline to the right - that indicates where the layer mask is on the overall canvas. now, take your time cursor bar thing and move it along the timeline to see your gif (and peter’s head position) progress. depending on the amount of movement you may only have a few keyframe points needed or you may have a lot (similar to this particular gif). anytime there is significant movement, you will need to move your layer mask which will automatically create a new keyframe. this means you need to have your move tool (shift+v) on and layer mask square selected. placing of keyframes does take some practice, you’ll get the hang of how fast it takes the mask to move to a certain place & not necessarily need a keyframe at every. single. frame. that would be exhausting. sometimes for jerkier movements you’ll need to be more exact, and other times you can let the gif do the work and have the mask glide into position in time with peter’s head (or whatever is revealing/hiding your text layer). 

essentially the point is this: scroll to the next pertinent position on your gif. ensure your layer mask is selected & you’re using the move tool. move just the layer mask to where it needs to go. a new diamond point should appear on the timeline signaling a new keyframe for the layer mask’s position. rinse, repeat until you’ve made it through the entire gif. then you get to “hide” the layer mask again with shift+\ and play your gif through to see how you did lol. see if the text reveal is smooth or if there’s parts that go too fast, too slow, or are off in terms of what it hides where. 

you can click and drag your diamond points if need be as well! they aren’t set in stone if it’s easiest to adjust that way. typically ps will also “show” how the mask is moving if you slowly drag your timeline cursor along and have the mask visible, sometimes that can be helpful when fine-tuning your mask position. 

i think that’s that! hopefully this made enough sense & wasn’t too rambly or like just plain nonsense. i wasn’t sure your ps level anon so i tried to explain every step, please do not take offense if you knew half of this already!! feel free to send follow-up questions, or if you see something else you’re curious about (not that i think i’m like. the shit at ps & gif-making lmao. i’m not. but i’m happy to help if i can!)

#ask #anonymous #ps asks #this was actually kinda fun??? #and maybe way more in depth than the anon meant but listen #i went all in #can't stop me now #photoshop tutorial

[havntednlost]

The main problem: my mother.

Her and my social life.

She's my fucking hell. Since I was born. She never allowed me to do anything along with my father (that was waaaaaay more possessive and jealous when I was a child while now with my little sister he's all like "do whatever you want it's fine").

She never respected my privacy. My spaces. My decisions. My opinions. I wasn't allowed to have an opinion. I wasn't allowed to speak when she decided something. I wasn't allowed to choose my friends. I wasn't allowed to speak to some people I defined friends because they weren't okay for her. She'd always decided who I had to talk to and how I had to behave. She always shushed me when I wanted to say something that she thought could've been against her decision. I grew up with her ideas, with her ways of talking and acting. She was manipulating me, creating a copy of her. She wanted to see her in me. (You failed. Ops?🤭) And I was always alone. I never had friends. The only friends I could make were people with disabilities. Because others couldn't stand me. Others hated me or made fun of me. Since I was 6 (elementary school) to being 10 I only talked to people who had difficulties at school or were handicapped. I felt like they didn't judge me. And I felt like they were okay with me being their friend.

What does not having friends has to do with my mother?

Well easy: my social life was in her hands. And that's why I never had anyone by my side. Because no one was okay for her. Only one or maybe two people. And I never complained about it. Because she made me grow up like that. I had to shut up and just do what she said. In my childhood I remember disobeying just a couple of times to my mother. Consequences? Being hit. She slapped me in the face so hard she made me cry. Once she slapped me in front of my classmates in that way. My teacher told her it wasn't necessary and mum just used a polite way to say "fuck you I am her mother and I decide how she has to grow up". My teacher had to shut up while he was caressing me and making me calm down. In that moment I forgot I was in class. I must remember being in my teacher's arms and feeling safe, far from my mum's hands. I was 8 if I'm not wrong.

So, elementary school ended. Middle school started. First year. Me, still with the mentality of a child. Naive. Too innocent and silly to understand the world I was going to face. Middle school was the worst period of my life. I've been bullied all the three years.

First year: Afraid. Always defensive. But willing to be a perfect student just as I was at the previous school. It was just me and other four girls (way smarter than me because they didn't live like they were perfect dolls to keep in a house-cage) and then 15 boys. One of them had a crush on me. I rejected him. I got no will to talk about that embarrassing story. After that also this boy + all the girls made fun of me and bullied me and called me names like: horse, camel, annoying, stupid and stuff like that. I was absolutely not used to being talked to like that, consequently it was one of the first traumas I've experienced in first person, without having my mother "by my side" "to dEfENd me". First year ends and I made no friends.

My parents decide to move to another city. Caserta. Close to Naples. I spent two years there. It was a fucking hell. People there were like... the plastics of mean girls. We were 10 girls and 13 boys. Way better, I thought. Ugh, I was wrong. Boys were terrible, worse than the ones at the other school and girls? Damn, they were all Regina George. It was when my depression symptoms started, along with anxiety. They talked at my back, saying bad stuff about me. How I found out? My mother was going through my chats (without me knowing, of course) and she called me to tell me. I read the group chat. They started saying "Is Maria in this group? No? Are you sure? Yes". So after establishing that I wasn't there they started saying things like: Oh luckily she isn't. She's so annoying. Why the fuck did she came to our school? Couldn't she stay at her old one? She's so ugly and stupid. No one can stand her. No one wants her. And she thinks we're her friends! 😂😂😂 She thinks she's better than us! (totally untrue) She's no one. etc...

Now imagine me crying while reading everything because I didn't expect it.

My mother: Didn't you expect all of this? It was obvious.

Well sorry if I was too stupid because I grew up thinking people were good and I would've faced a world full of roses and love.

I just told her I didn't. Your fault, darling.

Day after. My mother goes to school and talks to my teacher about it. My teacher defends me and helps me with that and the thing is solved. But my classmates just hate me more and more. And they just keep bullying me but more subtly so that no one notices. But I was a bit smarter because I had my cousin (I will dedicate another post to this special person ❤️) that was helping me to go through all the shit and giving me advice.

Middle school ends.

I am not homophobic anymore (like my parents taught me to be). I start having doubts about my sexuality but ignore them. My depression gets worse and worse.

My mother gets worse and worse. Starting to prefer my two brothers and little sister over me for everything. I was needed just to clean the house and to be yelled at for wearing always black, being unsocial, always staying on my own in the dark, always with my phone, always listening to music, always being sad or angry, never smiling, staying up after 10pm for watching TV series or reading, not studying much etc...

(Want a hint my dear mother? I was/am depressed.)

In this period I start having suicidal thoughts. Still because of my parents. My cousin supporting me and telling me is silly and that there are other options.

We move back to Naples.

I am now 14.

Highschool starts. First year is shit because I get bullied again but I start making friends. A group of 7 people (me included). My mother says they're okay. Fucking finally.

Alessia, Gabriella, Chiara, Simona, Sara, Andreea (romanian). Fucking amazing friends. Disgustingly amazing.

My grades are low. My parents keep hating on me and yelling at me for that. But my friends support me.

In the meanwhile I get to know a girl on the Internet. We become close friends and that develops in feelings. We start a relationship. Let's be clear. It wasn't. It was just based on the fact that we had the same problems and she gave me a lot of affection, and I thought it was love.

One day my mother takes my phone, again, without me knowing, and reads all of my chats.

She finds out about this girl. I was terrified and so I confess. My first coming out. She says nothing. She goes to my dad and tells him. My dad yells "Go away! Go away from my sight!" and I go to the kitchen terrified. Crying and sobbing. We sit. Me, my mother and my dad. They start talking to me. A sum up:

I don't remember how my mother started talking. I removed it because it was traumatic, all I remember is her saying shit about that poor girl.

I say "Mum, what's wrong with gays? They're just like us"

Mum slaps me. Hard as fuck. I was shook. Scared. Hurt. Confused.

After that they start talking about how wrong is being gay, that God doesn't accept it, that it's not natural, that it's just a phase, that only animals have gay sex and that's why we humans are different from animals that must follow their instincts. They keep repeating the same things in different ways for 3 hours. I am not kidding. 3 hours. From 3pm to 6:30pm only talking about this. (Want to know what I've done all this time? I just nodded. I kept on nodding because I was afraid to talk.)

Mum deletes and blocks every number and friends from Internet and takes my SIM card and puts it in her phone so she can check all my chats from her phone. She throws my phone away breaking it.

Nighttime: No sleep. Everytime I fell asleep I had nightmares so I woke up. Sobbing. Crying. I can't fucking breathe. A fucking hell.

Morning: I wake up totally empty and with a dead face. My parents are in the kitchen. They warmly say "good morning" and ask me to sit. I sit on the couch. They ask me "how are you". My answer: HOW AM I?? HOW AM I YOU FUCKER?????!!!!! YOU'RE REALLY ASKING ME HOW ARE YOU WITH THIS NONCHALANCE???? FUCKING KILL YOURSELF. My actual answer:.... i'm tired.

I don't remember anything else after that. Trauma I guess.

I am not a psychologist but I'm pretty sure I'm fucked up.

So after this happens I tell everything to my cousin. She doesn't believe that. She actually doesn't. She was too shocked to believe it. Haha, same sis. I don't either.

So, it takes a while for her to process everything and that's when our friendship starts for real. (We were good friends since I was 12. We grew up together, but there has never been an actual friendship because of how I was as a child. A pretty horrible child.) She starts helping me with my mother and all the stuff. We start getting closer and closer as time goes by and as my mother keeps being a bitch.

Second year of highschool.

My fucking favourite. It was such a good time. My grades weren't the best, my depression was fucking me up more than ever, my anxiety was kicking me out, but.. I had my friends. With a new entry. Simona. Yeah another one. Alessia changes school. So it's still 7 of us.

I swear if it wasn't for my friends that year and my cousin. I would've killed myself. Going back home from school everyday was basically going back to hell every fucking day.

dude: go to hell

me: awww where do you think i came from honey?

Then... that summer comes. Summer 2018.

I argue with my friends because of my parents, giving them the fault of everything. I keep them away from me. My mother gets even worse. She's against me like I am her enemy. She yells at me for everything. Every single thing.

me: *wakes up*

mother: WHY DID YOU WAKE UP GO BACK TO SLEEP AND SLEEP PROPERLY LIKE A LADY YOU'RE DISGUSTING.

She separates me from my cousin because she talked back at her (after she said bad things about my cousin's mother at her face) and here, another trauma. She calls me whore, liar, bitch because I didn't defend her like my cousin did with her mother (sorry but i hate you bitch). She says it's all my fault because I told my cousin everything about the bad things she did to me. That day goes away and my mother calms down and says it's not my fault but my cousin's because she's a bitch. I have no chance to talk to her for a month then we finally meet when my mother isn't at home. Since then we talk without no one of my family knowing. (It will be 3 years this summer, she never knew we do. How stupid can she be thinking I wouldn't talk to my favourite person ever because she said so).

September comes. Back to school. Third year. No friends. Low grades. No will to study. No will to live. But my cousin has my back. She keeps me alive, in fact I tried to kill myself multiple times. I failed. (Now I'm happy I didn't.) I pass that year. Not after another trauma. I seek for help at school. My teacher tells my mother about it and tells her that I am bisexual, atheist and I'm not okay in my family.

Thanks for ruining me, teacher. I expressively told her not to talk about it with my mother buuuut okay.

Quick sum up: I come back from school, my mother is crying. She starts saying things like "You don't want me as a mother? You don't like me? You hate me?" and I said no (not knowing that she knew what I said at school). Then the evening she walks to me and sits near me.

"Tell me the truth"

I was obviously confused. So she confesses what she knows. I was expecting the worst. It ended up with me talking to my uncles because my mother was "tOo hUrt" to talk to me.

"It's just a phase." "I hated my parents too." "You're too young to say these things." "You can't say you're bisexual if you never experienced anything."

It ended up with me faking a hug and "I'm sorry mum, I exaggerated." (obviously it was just to make everything stop).

bonus

me: *wants help to fight a difficult situation*

mum: *gets to know about it* YOU HURT ME YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH.

also mum: *reproaches it to my face everytime she's mad at me*

Fourth year starts. This is my year. This year. 2019/2020. It started perfectly. Good grades, my friends are back.

We move again. Tivoli (Rome). I am fucking happy with that. Expect for the fact that I can't meet my cousin anymore. But of course we can chat. Secretly on Telegram. Because my mother doesn't know what it is. Also, she stopped checking my phone, finally.

So, now. I'm 17, fourth year of highschool. Here I have no friends because they all suck. I miss my friends from Naples. And I wish I was free from my parents.

Some parts are not detailed. This because I will dedicate to them other posts otherwise this one would've been waaaaaay longer. And it's already too long.

No one will read these long posts but in case you're doing it, thank you ❤.

#my mother is satan #i hate my mother #my parents are crazy #fuck my parents #fuck my family #depression #anxiety #no social life #i have no social life #i have no friends #it's all my mothers fault