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angelgoeslewd · 2 months

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Omegaverse Alpha!Chuuya, Dazai, and Ranpo Headcanons

⚠️ warnings: 18+ concepts and scenarios, Minors DNI! Omegaverse, GN!reader, mentions of heats and ruts, slick, knots, and sexual/explicit scenarios.

[Fyodor and Nikolai here!]

Chuuya

ARE U READY TO BE THE WORLD’S MOST SPOILED OMEGA??? :D ‘CAUSE BABY- YOU ARE!!!

Chuuya knows that he can be very absent in your relationship, both physically, mentally, and emotionally. But that doesn’t stop him from always trying to make up for it!!! Unlike OTHER ALPHAS-

Chuuya is honestly probably the best Alpha you can have. He’s very sweet!! He worships you, he’s caring towards your needs, sympathetic to any issues you have, will absolutely spoil the shit out of you, protective in all the right ways, very stable financially — the list goes on and on. However… it is extremely hard to break down his walls and actually GET to the point where you two are in a committed relationship. Between his trust issues and being a literal executive for the MAFIA- he isn’t the type to fall in love very fast or very easily. He wants to be. He romanticizes love to an extreme; but he cannot bring himself to actually relax and let down his walls in order to experience it. Basically, you gotta fight for this boy, but it is oh so worth it.

I know most people probably think you have to manage dancing around his outbursts and anger issues but honestly? Those are for people who Are Not You™️. You do have to talk him down from crushing the Alphas who mention you in the wrong sort of light to death, however.

They end up dead anyway. Yeah you really kinda have to be morally grey to date this man. And that might be a deal breaker for some. While I see a lot of fics talking him out of the dangerous life of the Port Mafia and having him settle down, I really don’t see that as a viable option. One, I firmly believe that Chuuya sees his place in the Port Mafia as one he’s earned, all by himself, without relying on anyone and proving himself worthy. The emotional ties to his job alone make it hard for him to even consider leaving. Two, even with all the danger, Chuuya prides himself on being able to keep you safe despite all of that. You will never be taken. You will never be used. He keeps you close enough so that you are technically protected, but far enough removed that you cannot be a pawn in this sick twisted game that Mori plays. And… it’s kinda stable for him. For you. A generous income that leaves you leaves you flush and living lavishly beyond your wildest dreams. He can’t give that up. So really, you have to be ok when he ends up having to murder a few people for his job. Not that you would know about it first hand. And he’s never malicious. He has his own moral code that will never be broken.

Heats???? Ruts??? This man will shower you in whatever you want during that time. No matter what, he will always be there for you. Uninterrupted personal time with Chuuya. His Omega always comes first. He is such a generous lover too. He’ll knot you as many times as you wish. He’ll make you breakfast in bed and make sure you hydrate. Loves eating you out until you’re begging for his knot, ass up and face down. Give you all his clothes for the nest you make. He’s so in tune with his Omega that his ruts will line up with your heats very early on in the relationship, so you might want to invest in child-prevention or otherwise both you and him will be looking at parenthood. 😳 He wouldn’t mind that. Considering how long it would take for you to get to that point… but he wouldn’t let you know that.

Dazai

Honestly, I love this man ok? He was my first BSD love and he’ll always have a place in my heart because of that. But my god. He is an absolute horrible Alpha.

Dazai himself is very guarded. He loves to have an air of nonchalance, but that’s all it is. An image. He is a fortress of walls that will never truly come down, unlike Chuuya, who eventually lets you in fully. Considering his past and his experiences, being able to break through a few of those will be a victory. Dazai, on the other hand, needs a partner who is okay with never truly knowing his own desires. A partner who’s ok with always being held at an arm’s length, because Dazai feels like if he loves you too much, something bad will happen.

Not only the emotional distance, but a physical one too. Dazai loves to be touchy, but at home, he also needs time to regenerate his own physical stimulation. It might be strange to some that he seems more affectionate and physical in public, but Dazai wants to trust you. He wants to feel comfortable enough to not always be what he feels like he should be. He might come off as cold or even uncaring, but he just needs time, no matter how much he loves you. And trust me, it will pay off.

And we also have to consider his job. Unlike Chuuya, who’s rather stable in his self-image and work life, Dazai almost is like Ranpo in a sense, where he feels like something bad will happen if he’s not available to ADA at every second of the day. Unlike Ranpo, Dazai cannot shirk these feelings or his duty, even though he basically goes in and does absolutely nothing all day. Mentally, he’s there. Thinking up solutions and plans without speaking a word of it. He needs to be there to get ahead, to minimize casualties, no matter how much Kunikida helps out. There will be many times you spend a heat alone, or Dazai will have to rush out to go to work during one of them.

Buttttt that’s not to say he’s a selfish lover. He is, in fact, a very, very good one. Not only through experience, but in creating a sort of intimacy that makes you feel like he’s all there. Even if he isn’t. Which, again, is sort of shady of him. 🙄 But honestly? His dirty talk is top notch. During the heats that he goes to work, he’ll talk you through the time that he isn’t there. Much to your embarrassment.

Dazai’s favorite thing is to feel you clench around his knot. He loves making you so horny that all you can do is beg him to knot you and scream his name or his title. It’s a moment that he can just forget everything, his past, his current situation, and just be with you. He loves being your Alpha and does wish he could be a better one, but that’s just not him. 100% keeps a pair of your slick stained panties in his pocket. Disgusting man.

His ruts will take a while to line up with yours. It’s a combination of both problems — physical and emotional distance. Feeling like he can even sort of trust you will cure that. He’s super restrained during his ruts though. Even if you’re in a long relationship, the only way you can notice is by his heightened scent, which he loves to blockers to suppress, because he’s stupid like that and feels like it interferes with his investigations (yes and no. it’s not very helpful if someone can smell you a mile away, but it’s also because Dazai likes to keep an air of mystery AND distance between any sort of work and personal life, in his own strange way. Stops taking them if it helps create a connection he can use) and the fact he just randomly wants to knot you at all times of the day. He doesn’t even seem that serious about it though — just like “oh! popped a knot in you! sorry!” and does that 10 more times until you catch on.

“Dazai… are you in rut???” “…yeah.” absolutely ridiculous mind game for no reason other than it’s Dazai.

Seriously, if this man is your Alpha, I’m sorry. He makes you jealous accidentally a lot because he has Omegas fawning over him, that he gives crumbles of attention for validation, but his secretly super possessive and HATES when it happens to you. Seriously. One Alpha hits on you and suddenly you’re covered in hickies and claim marks, rubbed so hard with his scent it almost stinks and you can’t get it out with ANY SORT of laundry detergent.

Ranpo

again, if this man is your Alpha, I’m sorry. I am actually less sorry than if Dazai is your Alpha but I’m still sorry.

Ranpo is childish. He has absolutely 0 clue on how to be a proper Alpha, despite Fukuzawa trying to teach him, but unlike someone like Kunikida or Sigma, has probably little to no desire to learn. That isn’t entirely true, especially with how earnest Ranpo is to want to learn with you, but honestly, he gives up very quickly.

He can be very selfish with his pleasure, but that’s mostly to your gain, to be honest. At least you have 0 emotional hangups when it comes to Ranpo. 🤷‍♀️ that’s all I can say.

He also has 0 embarrassment. He will fully scent you, partially undressing you to get to what he wants, like a breastfeeding CHILD, in the middle of the office. If you smack him away, he’ll be fully confused. Like “whaaaaat? I’m your Alpha. I’m supposed to do this.” NOT HERE, IDIOT.

Mouths your neck and your scent gland whenever too. Like just leans over in meetings to do so. You, as his Omega, almost have to leash him, your Alpha. It’s a bit of an unusual dynamic, but fits perfectly to Ranpo.

He will end up growing up a bit when he enters a relationship with you; however, that will take a lot of time. Your relationship probably starts off really casually too. Ranpo will most likely just offhandedly ask you on an outing, then he’s considering you his significant other, his omega, without it ever truly being discussed. “It wasn’t obvious? Why would I ask you out if I didn’t want to be with you?” Please teach him how to properly enter a relationship. Or at least discuss with him the standards of dating. Fukuzawa will give you a bonus. Just please.

Now, it’s very widely accepted that Ranpo is autistic/asperger’s syndrome, and I headcanon him as that as well so a little on that from another Aspie!!! Ranpo doesn’t always catch on to what is and isn’t socially acceptable. He has a tendency to sometimes be sexual in times that aren’t always the best, but if you tell him nicely, he’ll understand and back down. Usually with a nod and taking mental notes. You need to be very verbal with this man because he will not catch on in any sort of way. If you want a gift, ask him for it! If you want time alone, ask him. Seriously. You need to tell him or he’ll just keep doing his little routine.

He has stimulation problems. You might need to carry around headphones or some sort of fidget toy because he sometimes gets overwhelmed in public by all the information he’s taking in. He’s used to it, but that doesn’t make it better. If you let him sit on the couch with a weighted blanket and just sit with him in silence on the other side, he will eventually jump your ass after a while and cuddle up under your arm. He will probably not leave your side for the rest of the day, refusing to talk to anyone but you.

His libido is finicky, it jumps between hyper sexuality and almost completely disappearing, even if he wants to pleasure you. His ruts show that. Unlike most Alphas, they aren’t always timely, and show up randomly. It makes it hard for your heats to line up with his ruts. They rarely line up, and sometimes when you’re in heat Ranpo is completely disinterested and would rather be working on a case. Early on, he most likely will ignore you and them, not out of animosity or a lack of care, but just because he’s really not used to being in a relationship. If you give it time and practice, certainly after expressing your need, Ranpo will take care of you through them. Whether it’s eating you out or knotting you properly. He can finger you with one hand while working on his phone or laptop with the other, a skill he didn’t even know he had.

His ruts on the other hand… he’s very needy. You will have to call out of work for a week or two. He wants to be touching you at all times. Don’t expect to leave the bed at all. Actually, just plan on being on his knot the whole time. If you have to get up, even for a drink of water, expect him to be right there behind you, arms clasped around your waist, begging for you to come back to bed. His scent gets so heavy. He just wants to be comfortable and the only way he feels comfortable is with you. You might need additional call out days for how weak your legs will be afterwards.

Ranpo is apologetic though and will bring you painkillers or a heating pad. You probably could talk him into a massage every now and then. He knows how much you give to him, and struggles with sometimes feeling like your relationship is one sided. It is, in a way, but Ranpo gives back tenfold with how absolutely pure his love is for you. He’s loyal and will never entertain any sort of attention from any other Omega. He shares all his snacks and candy with you and tries to show you his love in little ways, like remembering your favorite flavors or something you mentioned you liked.

Ranpo isn’t the best Alpha, but he is a good soul. He tries and though he has his struggles, he really is there for his (and your!) best interests at heart.

Praise him. Praise him during his rut and you will be there for another week. It drives it crazy and ends up lengthening it for an extended amount of time.

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd dazai #bsd dazai osamu #bsd chuuya #bsd chuuya nakahara #bsd ranpo #bsd ranpo edogawa #bsd nsft #dazai x you #chuuya x you #ranpo x you #🍩 of bsd #dazai x reader #chuuya x reader #ranpo x reader #angelic songs #omegaverse!bsd

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chocoqtelle · 7 months

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“𝐏𝐀𝐂 𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐓„ what people are you attracting romantically?

“𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐎𝐍𝐄„

yikes 😭😭 no, you can't fix them. stop trying. it's a lot of emotionally fucked up people who are just immature and scared to face their own emotions. type of people to leave when things get tough. im getting like immature little boy energy but of course they don't have to be boys. this is because of smth with you. make sure you do your shadow work. maybe you're used to "saving" people and shit because of your childhood? regardless, you gotta work that out. i believe in you, treat yourself how you wanna be treated and how you want others to treat you.

“𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐓𝐖𝐎„

im getting like kinda over protective energy? i don't think it's anything to worry about but make sure you put up boundaries with these people. they're working through their own issues so be considerate. they've been through a lot 💀 that's why they have to do their inner work. don't rush them on this. make sure you leave behind any extra burdens and are ready before you date any of these people (if you do). a lot of you might not be able to accept happiness for yourself because you're worried it's gonna end or smth like that but just be happy it'll be there in the first place and enjoy it for as long as possible.

“𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄„

don't just go for people because they have enough money to help support you and keep you stable 😬 there are tons of other things to worry about in relationships besides money. your money is fine, stop worrying about it. don't worry about who's the "best" and most stable option for you. go for the person you want. you can't logic your way through love 😭 just date who you want cuz you're attracting the "stable" people and not the ones who are what you want. it's just people with money and stability but who aren't good or fun partners. trust me, your money is fine.

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luaveltarot · 10 months

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🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ 𝙊𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙡𝙜𝙗𝙩𝙦+🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

🏹𝘗𝘢𝘤: 𝘏𝘰𝘸’𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘯𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦?🏹

Group 1

When I started to do this reading, I saw 71717. Your person seems quite accomplished to me and they may cone off as a decent and peaceful person, however, they feel internally disconnected on emotional level with people. They have a hard time bonding with others. Tbh no matter how much they do for anyone, emotionally or materially, it’s never enough or efforts go unnoticed. But they are a pro at handling their emotions. They have more of masculine aura to appear calm, composed and progressive. They are really good when it comes to dealing with emotions for those of you who are into mbti they could be fi dominant. They also hate to gossip or belittle anyone. They have a really good heart because they see good in everyone mostly (except when they are really depressed). They could be into sports or a football/soccer/rugby person. They are the kind of person who believes it’s one life and one should work hard enough for whatever they desire. If they love you then they’ll get everything before you could even think of. Also they’ll love to take care of you when you are down or feel pessimistic about something, they’ll do everything too cheer you up. Also, they have a good sense of keeping a balance between material and spiritual life. They could also be a local in the city you are currently in.

Extra details-

They could be born near a beach or live in a place which has some waterbody. Dominant zodiac signs are pisces and cancer. Saturn could be one of the dominant planets in their chart.

Life path number 7 or born in July or 7 could be the date they were born on.

They are a big time foodie especially have a thing for fruits 🍉 🍍 🍹

They smell really good.

Letter L and V.

Messages from them-

Don’t think of your self as small because I’ll do anything to see you smile. You deserve me and we are for each other.

When we met first time, I knew it somehow that you are the person I’ll fall in love with.

Group 2

So your person has gone through a lot of ups and down in life where they experienced the cyclical nature of life. They could come off from border areas or coastal areas. They have refugee vibes or could be orphan who changed a lot of foster homes. But no home to call theirs. They struggle to stay optimistic or envision future. They think the rest of their life will be a bumpy ride like their past. Although they seem to have a plan where they will use all their creativity and talents to have a stable life but still they struggle to believe that it will succeed. Their most preferred colour will be red and black. I also see that they want to move on from the place they are currently living in. For some they could be your childhood friend or someone who you knew from a long time. They want deep supportive relationships but rn they are not in the right place to look for you or be with you. They need time and space to navigate through everything they’ve been going through. If you are currently with them then they need you in the background to guide or support them. Their energy is guarded and don’t want me to read them to you because they feel insecure. I’m sorry if you don’t feel satisfied with the reading or feel their were less msgs.

Extra details-

They have long hair.

Mars is dominant in their chart.

Letter J

Purple or blonde hair

Insecure and abandonment

Struggled in life to get anything they wanted.

Messages from them-

You might not be the first love in my life but after you I felt everything is irrelevant except you.

I’ll go through everything with you without giving up. I have a problem that I can never get enough of you.

#tarot reading #pac #pick a pile #tarotblr #pick a card #lgbtq community #luaveltarot #lgbtq #lgbtq tarot reading

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buffysummerslay · 2 years

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i never really cared much about romantic pairings in stranger things - i admit that steve and nancy always gave me good vibes, but when nancy got together with jonathan i didn't think they will revisit her relationship with steve ever again, and i was ready to let them go. however, when they started hinting at them again this season, of course i bit in, and i can honestly say that i don't undrestand the hate that they are getting for it because what is happening between them makes perfect sense to me. and, despite the "popular" opinion, i don't think that them getting back together will reverse or ruin their character development. there are many things that could do that - having an affar for example - however, them giving their relationship a second chance isn't one of them. them retaining their growth and reigniting their romantic relationship aren't mutually exclusive. actually, they might work better the second time around because of the development that both of their characters went through.

when they were together in beginning of the show, steve and nancy liked each other. they genuinly liked each other. however, all this crazy stuff started happening around them and they visibly weren't in the same place, emotionally or mentally, to have a healthy and stable relationship. they broke up and went their separate ways and they grew as people. and when people grow, sometimes they grow apart and sometimes their growth brings them back together. honestly, simply because steve said once or twice over the course of the previous season that he's over nancy doesn't mean that he's over nancy. he tried to date, he tried to find love, however, something was always missing. and maybe, this season, he's realised that what's been missing is nancy. maybe, just maybe, it wasn't about being in a relationship for him, maybe it was about being in a relationship with her. maybe it is real and true, and maybe it is inside of his head because she is the person he associates with love. who knows? no one. and we won't know until they try to figure it out or until he finds someone else and discovers that nancy was only a symbol of love for him. we can prefer one or the other, but that doesn't mean that one makes more sense than the other if the storytelling supports only one of the options. and imo the storytelling is (so far) obviously going in the direction of steve truly still having feelings for nancy, making his peace with them and admitting them out loud. you can dislike it, however, it doesn't reverse his character development because him growing as a person isn't in clash with his feelings for her - actually, the two seem to be very much interlinked. if nancy was a toxic, unhealthy choice for him and he was still persuading her, that would ruin his character development, but she's not - she motivated him to question his behavior and choices and after all the reflection he has had, he still found her at the end of the road. steve never needed to stop loving nancy to grow, he needed to accept and prove that he can grow on his own. he doesn't need her to be his one reedemable quality anymore, he wants her to be his partner.

as for nancy, she can obviously feel that there is something wrong with jonathan and that there is something missing from their relationship. and this probably scares her, because she loves him, so she keeps listing all the reasons why she loves him and why they are together in the first place. unfortunately, having things in common with another person, recognising and appreciating their qualities, and loving them sometimes isn't enough to sustain a relationship. in any case, nancy is a truth seeker, and she can sense that jonathan isn't telling her the full truth. maybe he is afraid of telling her the truth because he doesn't think she would accept it, or maybe he is afraid of telling her the truth because he doesn't think that their relationship can survive long distance. and while jonathan's reasons for not wanting to go to college are noble and justified, nancy doesn't owe it to him to change her plans or to continue their long distance relationship if it doesn't make her comfortable or if she sees no future in it. lies might tear them apart, distance might tear them apart, or whatever happens next season might bring them closer together despite everything else that has occured this season. who knows? no one. the story goes on, and we shall see how it unravels.

this being said, the lengths people are willing to go to villinise steve over his speech are ridiculous. the truth is, steve didn't do anything wrong. the only thing he did was admit his feelings for her to her after being encouraged by two other characters and, at times, her own behavior. when he said those words, he didn't say we need to have exactly six kids and take a trip across the country every single summer no matter what and you have no say in it, which is apparently what some people heard. no, what he said was hey, we might not survive this and i would like you to know that you have motivated me to change for the better by simply being you so now, when i close my eyes at night and imagine my future, you are in it. he didn't try to kiss her or nor did he demand an answer. when her boyfriend showed up, he retreated and went to do volunteer work. he had no expectations from her - what she does with his confession is up to her. and how does nancy feel about it? we don't know. did i expect her to break up with jonathan at the spot? no. do i think it makes sense she ran to him, hugged him, and kissed him? yes. she loves him, no one is denying that. do i think there's a huge dent in their relationship? yes. so nancy may choose jonathan despite everything, she may choose to give steve another shot, or she may choose to drop both of them and go to college by herself. i have my preferences, but that doesn't mean that other options will make any less sense if the storyline that leads to them making those chices makes sense. simply because steve wasn't right for nancy back then, doesn't mean he isn't right for her now. and simply because jonathan was right for nancy back then, doesn't mean he will be right for her forever. saying that it makes no sense to tear nancy and jonathan apart simply because they have already put so much effort into building them up is not an argument - people put an immense amount of effort into their relationships and more than often it still doesn't work out. both of these scenarios are true and they can make an equal amount of sense if the storyline that leads to them makes sense. however, we still didn't see the full story. what i know now is that nancy likes to make plans and that she has thoughts and ideas of her future - steve told her he wants a future with her, and jonathan is uncertain how he fits into the future she wants for herself. things can go either way really. i prefer steve as a choice because i like their energy better and i think they make a better duo, however, if she picks jonathan and it makes sense and is true to her character, good for her. if she chooses to remain single, all the power to her. that's the thing though, the writers don't owe us our preferences, they owe us to stay true to the characters we love and to tell a story that suits the character.

#stancy #steve harrington #nancy wheeler #stranger things #i am honestly so tired of seeing so much hate for these two #i understand that people may dislike them or prefer something else or whatever #but if a story sticks #it sticks #whether we like it or not #and so far the story has only been hinted at #we only have crumbs

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riizebabie444 · 7 months

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Hiii love hope you're doing fine if not I'm sending you tons of positive energies to you 💗. I want to take part in your fun kpop game and my choice is Jay (enhypen)

Initials :- S.P

Signs :- [ Aries sun , Taurus Moon & Venus , Scorpio rising ]

ʚɞ Exchange ʚɞ

relationship between son heungnim and you ~

Cards :- 7 of wands , 3 of coins rv , Sun ? Queen of swords rv , knight of wands , Ace of coins and 3 of cups ( bottom of deck )

Okk the overall energy what I'm feeling is flirty and childlike . Now let me explain . The relationship with him would be good at the initial stage I.e getting to know him and dating phase yk . I even saw 21:21 on my clock check that out too . The relationship will lack solid foundation. I'm getting you both will be more acting upon impulses . Like a child who gets excited upon seeing a new toy and kinda becomes obsessed with it . Yess the energy here is passionate and want . But only the happiness . One partner may feel like putting more effort than other . Remember relationship is 50/50 , a partnership . You both may find hard to communicate or doesn't feel vulnerable enough to share secrets . He may not be someone who likes to listen to others ? Or doesn't want to involve in other's business . I'm getting you'll found him only in your happy times. Like you arranged a party ? He'll be there . You wanna do a karaoke night ? He's present . But when you expect him to hold you and dry your tear stained cheeks ? He might not be .

Now now it's sounding bad but it's just that he's not himself emotionally evolved to take care of others emotionally . I'm seeing veil in my visions heard illusions too . This relationship will be filled with richness and abundance in material form but not so with emotions .

Okk I channeled a moodboard to depict the relationship vibes with him to make you understand better of what I wanted to convey ☺️.

Thank you and hope you like the reading . Have an amazing day / night .

i see there being a lot of planning in general with this relationship, i'm getting that all of your dates and meetups will require intense planning ahead of time, most probably to ensure you don't get caught. it also feels like a very strategical relationship. i think you are both quite hard working people, very in fact. i get strong earth and air energy. i'm seeing you as quite similar to be entirely honest, like both of your love languages might be acts of service but at times you will be expecting more from the other, you would want something new and fresh rather than the same thing every day. but that kind of nature is what makes it feel stable with him. i think to keep things exciting, you would travel together, i'm seeing little secret getaways in places no one would recognise you. i also see a lot of care being taken to ensure the relationship does not get exposed which i believe would bother you a little bit but at the same time, it is necessary and you understand it. and he would try his best to assure you of his feelings whenever you're in doubt. i also feel there would be a lot of curiosity, in the beginning you might both be shy getting to know one another but as time goes on, it feels more exciting and comfortable and you would be so thoughtful about the things you learn about each other. for example, you'd tell him you like a certain animal and from then on he would buy you so many things related to that animal. you'd find a lot of strength in each other and in yourselves, and it feels very fair. like one doesn't treat the other badly for no reason, you treat each other how you both deserve. it overall feels very stable and quiet, if that makes sense.

thank you so much for taking part in the game! i really enjoyed the exchange reading, it was fun but still realistic which i appreciate, and the moodboard was a lovely addition! thank you, and please don't forget to leave feedback!

#ʚɞ celebrity crush game #ʚɞ exchanges

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astroyongie · 2 years

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TXT Reading - June

Note: Please remember to take my words with a grain of salt. Please also don’t ask me about who the boys are dating since I haven’t looked into it for now, I simply did a quick reading due to my own condition at the moment <3 Please be respectful and enjoy ! Red Velvet and Enhypen coming very very soon

Soobin

Things aren’t going very well for him on his relationship, he isn’t happy at all with how things are, the lack of communication is so important that both him and his partner aren’t looking at the same place. He is talking but not being heard, they are talking but he isn’t hearing either. Soobin also has a hard time expressing himself about what truly happened, and the mistakes that he made aren’t exactly as they seem. He needs to remove some people out of his life

There’s a big decision he needs to take concerning his future and the future of TXT, but the members are still discussing it to chose the big next step for their ow group.

Physical Health : X Mental Health: He is working on his self esteem since he has been suffering quite a lot emotionally, he feels abandoned and misunderstood

Yeonjun

In January he had broken up with his partner since he had cheating behaviors, but after that they both solved things out and they went back together. Lately there was a huge argument concerning a situation I can’t talk about, were both didn’t expected it. They were able to do the right decisions concerning that matter. They are together and Yeojun Is actually very happy with them and he has faith it will last this time

Concerning his work he was quite upset, there was tensions and even arguments with the higher ups because things he had worked for and planned will have a delay since the company wants to focus on something else. Yeonjun tries to keep his calm but it’s heavy on him

Physical Health : Doing very well and stable, healthy Mental Health: He just feels a bit lonely on his head

Beomgyu

His situation is still the same concerning his love life. It’s extremely unhealthy since he is on a relationship with his childhood friend but since they don’t see each other, he will see other people on his free time, has flings and flirts with other people. He isn’t very proud of it, but he does it nonetheless

He has been very ambitious about his situation and working for a new project even if their future activities have delays. Things are being limited by the company and it annoys him quite a lot. I feel like Beomgyu might say or do something (on a live for example) where he will diss his company or were he will talk about things that might get him in trouble

Physical Health : The fact that he is mentally tired has given him a lot of headaches Mental Health: A lot of tiredness

Taehyun

He is still single but not close to love. Taehyun is following his intuition when it comes to love and he awaits for it to come to him. He is careful yet ready to love if the opportunity comes.

He is working on something personal, something he has been creating himself and that he is very eager to show to the public. Things are going fast for him and it’s going to be a success once it comes out. His project is unique and it shows some of his personality

Physical Health : X Mental Health: He had a lot of anxiety at the moment and his mental health overall his a bit shaken

Kai

He is moving on with his life and letting his past behind since he recently got into a relationship with someone older than him. It seems like things are currently going well for them.

I feel like there’s someone around on his working field that has been very mean to Kai, I feel a lot of fear and he feels stuck on his projects because he feels like he isn’t good enough for it. He is blocking himself. There’s definitely a toxic person on his working environment that don’t have the best intentions concerning him.

Physical Health : I had the card of illness concerning something around his stomach, breast/chest area. He should be careful in that area. Mental Health: Kai is unstable and he doubts a lot about everything

#TXT #TXT astrology #TXT reading #TXT tarot #TXT headcanons #TXT scenarios #TXT imagines #TXT reactions

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ruminate88 · 4 months

Text

Comfortable In My Skin ❤️‍🩹

I’ve dated emotionally unavailable men and always felt I had to seek their approval to be “enough” for them. I never felt just being me was okay. What I failed to realize in each of those relationships is, I was seeking after their acceptance because I didn’t have an identity I was sure of. I was unstable without understanding it. I wasn’t going to ever find an identity with either of my exes, nor could they help me. It appeared to me they all could see both my potential and also my flaws. They seemed jealous towards me but also was quick to point out where I was lacking in life as a person. (I was very depressed and suicidal) Whenever I began to pray to Jesus and ask him to take over and lead my life, as I felt I was lost with no answers or direction, I was very miserable and unhappy within my self thus far. Those exes hurt me deep and I couldn’t understand or explain it to anyone especially to myself. Jesus did more than help me to understand, he allowed me to feel okay in my imperfect skin. I know I’m not perfect and have flaws but Jesus loves me despite it all, whereas, my exes could easily point out my flaws and make me feel bad about them too. Jesus also blessed me with my husband who only points out my wrong doings when it’s affecting our relationship or affecting my character. My husband makes me wanna be a better person but I don’t feel pressure that “I’m not enough” for him or “I have to be more than who I am”. My husband doesn’t make me feel ugly when I’m in sweats without makeup. (My exes made me feel I couldn’t even take a selfie without being totally made up with full makeup on and hair done but that still wasn’t enough for them. They would cheat no matter how I dressed.) Having an identity in Jesus made me more stable and confident in myself so that I don’t need anyone’s approval not even my husband’s. I feel loved by Jesus already but the love from my husband is just a blessing added to me.

I’m growing every day in life, as a human and in faith. I started this blog originally to work on getting over the past traumas of my exes, I was holding on to the many emotions struggling and then God helped me make it to a place where I don’t want to say anything bad about them now. I am thankful the past is over and can’t ever be brought back!! I pray for my exes and that I’m a better example to them now as I know I wasn’t a good example to them back then. It’s taken me a lot to truly forgive the way they hurt me and to want the best for them. I can honestly say I don’t want the pain of my past to dictate how I run my life now nor do I want to hang past mistakes over my exes. I want them to freely enjoy their lives and I pray they grow as people too. I can’t change them, I can only pray daily to be better in front of them. They might not even be watching me anymore but if they are, I pray they see hope and forgiveness. It’s easier said than done. Jesus helps me because I can’t be strong on my own. However, with or without makeup now, inside I feel a love from Jesus so deep that is so much bigger than my own existence.

Finally, there’s purpose in the pain. The lessons and experiences I received not only help me in ways I’m still finding out but I can understand more now in life and have more compassion for people. I’ve met many manipulating people and now know people who are being manipulated. Certain situations or words do “trigger me” when surrounded by those people but with Jesus, I’m overcoming one step at a time. I just have to take a step back and remind myself where I am now compared to where I was 10 years ago… PROGRESS 👏🏻

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blessedtobebangtan · 3 years

Note

Jungkook number 7 please🥺

yess ☺️☺️

prompt list <3

“ You.. you don’t want to have my child ?”

You looked over to your left to see Jungkook’s back and sighed you slowly sat up in your spot.

There was no denying it anymore. As many times as you tried to convince yourself all the signs were normal and that you were fine.

The waking up in the early mornings to throw up everything you’d eaten in the past 2 hours or if you weren’t puking you had to pee every 10 minutes. Your breast were sore for no reason and you seemed to be gaining a bit of weight. Your period was two weeks late for goodness sake. But, even though you knew it- you just couldn’t bring yourself to admitting it because you weren’t ready to tell Jungkook.

As you were about to lay down and sleep on it, a urging heat began to rise in your throat and you knew you had to puke. You jumped up from the bed and lunged for the bathroom door, not caring if you woke Jungkook up.

You began to give the toilet all you had.

“ Y/N ?”, you heard a deep, tired voice call for you.

Your eyes widened in fear and you coughed before speaking, “ I’m fine, Jungkook, just go back to sleep.”. The urge returned and you began to hurl once more.

“ Y/N, this is the fourth time this week, wha-“, he gasped softly at the sight of you kneeling at the toilet.

You heard shuffling behind you and felt your hair being lifted from your back as a hand rubbed your back softly.

“ Jungkook, I said it’s fine, please go back to bed.”

He scoffed just loud enough for you to as he got up to get you a towel, “ Don’t be stupid, Y/N, you’re obviously not well.”

You just nodded at his scolding too tired to say anything back and scooted away from the toilet to lean back on the shower door.

Jungkook returned with a towel and a bottled water. He didn’t say anything, but by the clench of his jaw and the grip he had on the water bottle he was pissed.

“ Have you been eating while I’m at work ?”, he questioned as he hand you the water and towel.

You nodded slowly as you wiped your mouth and gargled some of the water spitting it into the toilet and flushing it.

He leaned back on the door frame with his arms crossed against his buff chest, “ How much sleep have you been getting ?”

You rolled your eyes suddenly tired off his questions, “ Enough.”

Jungkook saw your shift in attitude and he felt his patience wearing thin, but he just dismissed it in order to focus on the problem at hand.

“ So then what’s your problem ?”, he asked but you recognized it as a demand.

You just bit your tongue and kept your gaze on the bathroom floor. It was silent and by now, Jungkook’s patience was long faded and he was growing angrier by each second you seemed to ignore him.

“ Y/N, I swear if you don’t answer me, I’m going to loose my shit.”, he said in a calm, irritated tone that you recognized all too well. The tone he used every time he was about to hurt you.

You stood to your feet, slowly not to loose your balance and looked up at him with tears glossing your eyes and let it go, “ I-I’m pregnant.”

Jungkook’s face dropped and all the angry he had just built left is body in one breath. He shied away from the door frame and walked closer to you with his eyebrow raised, “ Are you positive ?”

You slowly nodded taking a step back scared of what he might say, “ Well, yes, but I’m still going to the doct-“

You were cut off by a pair off lips placed on yours, you were taken back and just widened your eyes in surprise. Jungkook picked you up by your ass and spun you around with an adorable laugh that would have made you smile if you weren’t so worried about your future.

He sat you down on the counter with his infamous bunny smile that you didn’t get to see as often as you did when you first started dating.

“ We are having a baby, smile Y/N.”, he said with a chuckle and lowered himself to your tummy with a smile, “ My little angel, I can’t wait to meet you.”

Your eyes stung with tears as you bit your lip in fear, “ I don’t think you get it, Jungkook.”

He rose up again and brought his hand up to your cheek caressing it slowly with ease, “ No, I get it, kitten, you were just scared to tell me because were overthinking it. But it’s fine, we’re going to be great parents.”

He couldn’t be serious, could he ? The both of you were not stable enough to be parents at least emotionally. You gulped softly and shook your head, “ I don’t think it’s the right time for us to raise a child, don’t you agree.”

“ What ?”, Jungkook was still smiling as he looked up to you, “ Why wouldn’t it be, baby. ?”

“ You know, you are always working, we’re so young and we have all of the time in the world, maybe we should wait.”, you fumbled with your fingers to try and calm your nerves.

His smile dropped as he raised an eyebrow trying to get you to come out with what you had to say, “ I don’t get what you’re saying.”

You were walking on eggshells here and he wasn’t helping you at all. He was beginning to grow impatient with you again. So, you closed your eyes tightly and said it.

“ I can’t have your child.”

You didn’t want to say it, but you knew you had to say it. Jungkook is the leader of one of the notorious gangs, he sold drugs and killed people who didn’t have enough to pay him back. He was very territorial over you and treated more like a pet than a person. And if he was angry enough at you he would resort to violence.

There was no way in hell you could put someone else through that trauma, pain and constant fear especially not your own child.

“ You.. you don’t want to have my child ?”, he asked tilting his head to the side and his expression turning sour.

You registered what you had said and how he was taking it, so you tried to back track, “ N-no, babe, I-I just think we should wait for the right time, yeah ?.”

He laughed out of frustration and backed away from you, but never looking away, “ You don’t want to have my child, y-you’ve got to be fucking with me right ?”

You held your mouth open not knowing what to say to him anymore and just stated as he lost his mind.

“ Fucking answer me, Y/N !”, he yelled at you causing you to jump and almost fall off the counter, “ I give you everything- my love, my protection, my riches and that still isn’t enough for you is it ?”

You jumped off of the counter and tried to approach him, but he just backed away and glared at you as he poked his inner cheek with his tongue. You stretched out your hand to take hold of

“ Don’t fucking touch me, I really don’t want to hurt you.”, he said, but you knew he didn’t mean that. He didn’t want to hurt the baby.

“ Jungkook, please, let’s j-.”, you began to beg him softly, but he stopped you.

“ I’m going out, I’ll be back.”, he stated as he pushed past you a little hard making you stumble back a couple of steps.

Finally, the tears that had been in your eyes fall slowly, but plentiful on your crimson cheeks.

You were such a good person at you thought you were, what did you do to to deserve this and that only made your tears fall harder.

Your sobs were soft, but loud enough for Jungkook to hear. He stopped in his tracks realizing he couldn’t just leave his pregnant girlfriend all alone for once he showed mercy.

Jungkook turned around and walked back over to you, you didn’t expect as you were looking down, but he wrapped his arms around pulling you into his warm embrace. You were engulfed in his sweet, hypnotizing scent and his gentle voice.

“ Please stop crying, my princess. I’m not going anywhere.”

You nodded against his chest too embarrassed to look up. You knew he loved seeing you so small and dependent on only him. You knew I’d you had this baby you would be tied to him for life and there was no way out. But, maybe he would change and you could be happy, right ?

Clearing your throat, you looked up at him with a small smile, “ Um, I’m sorry for the things I said to you- I was just scared.”

He wiped off your tears gently and hummed, “ I forgive you, I know my good girl would never mean to anger me on purpose.”

His good girl. He forgives his good girl.

Jungkook laid a soft kiss on your exposed forehead as he rocked the both of you back and forth.

“ Like I said earlier, we will be great parents, my love.”, he stated with ease as if he knew this would be the endgame.

And you nodded not wanting anymore trouble for the night, “ You’re right as you always are.”

and there you are- i hope you enjoy and i apologize for taking such a long time :)) but keep requesting and ill be getting back to all of you in time 🤍 in the meantime stay safe and you are loved <3

- mai

#jungkook #bts yandere #yandere bts #bts x reader #bts fanfic #yandere jungkook #jungkook mafia au #bts jungkook

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neko-rogers · 3 years

Text

All I Ever Need

Peter warned you about the dangers of online dating.

words: 4,007

tags: dark!peter parker, strong and explicit non-consensual elements, manipulation, implications of sex-pollen or drugging, lowkey breeding kink

a/n: please forgive me! i’m still new to writing dark!versed fics <3 but this was a request and i couldn’t resist (: if you liked this then you are free to help me out and improve my writing by leaving feedback or suggesting prompts that i could write about

It was emotionally crushing.

The moment you decided to create a Tinder account led you to all sorts of feelings.

As someone who had been busy with your final year of college, you never thought of engaging much in the relationships territory. With all these, you could only focus on finally graduating and obtaining a stable job. The idea that you were providing for yourself, without having to depend on a significant other, was fulfilling.

It did not help further considering that most of your group of friends were just as hardworking as you. Peter Parker was one the closest and much more than just a good influence. Truly too good to be true.

Nonetheless, you finally tried out those infamous dating applications you have been hearing. Despite warnings from your friends about how dangerous it can be, you were confident that you were smart enough to handle it.

“You're still hung up on that app?” Peter interrupts alongside.

The professor dismissed the class moments ago, and at least half of the people already exited the room. As always, Peter waited for you before heading for next subject.

Admittedly, you were a bit caught up with your phone. Swiping left and right sounded boring, but for some reason you found it amusing how convenient it can be – the interaction and messages was a bonus. “So what if I am?”

You lock your phone before Peter got to snoop further. Both your reflections could be seen amongst the black screen as you placed it on top of your other textbooks to be carried.

“Any interaction online is dangerous,” he explains. “I thought you out of all people should know that, Y/N.”

You roll your eyes at his remark. “You’re only a year older than me yet you sound like my dad. You know I’m already twenty-two, right?”

“I’d hate to be the one to say I told you so when your world comes crashing down,” he consoles.

“Oh thats bullshit, Parker.” You could almost laugh at his sense of ridicule. “Like you said, I’m smart. I’m sure I’ll be able to handle online dating. Have faith in me, yeah?”

“Yeah, whatever. It’s fine.” Peter nods, still beside as you walked along the hallway. “It’s not like you’re already going on a date with one of them, right.” His assumption comes off as a statement rather than a question.

However, you stay quiet seeming as it was best to leave it unanswered.

“Oh no, please don’t tell me you’re seeing someone already.” Peter looks back when you decided to stay a meter behind him to save you from the guilt.

“It’s just a second date, it won’t harm me,” you defended. “Plus, he goes to the community college nearby.” “What?! You two are already on your second date before you told me, or anyone of your friends?” You could understand where his temper was coming from, but in the end, it was none of their business.

“I know, but I just thought it wasn’t a big deal. Besides this is about me and Jacob.”

Fortunately enough, you and Peter have the same subject which was BioChemistry. This time, he followed you behind while you avoided his gaze. He waited until you took a seat along the second to the last row, and then taking his seat next to you.

You look straight, facing the chalkboard displayed at the farther side of the room. Though you could not see Peter entirely, you could see his glowering look by the corner of your eye. “So his name his Jacob, huh, tell me more about him.”

This was the reason why you could not update him, or any of your friends. You knew this would happen. They begin getting so nosy around your life before they even realize it.

Surely, you did love your friends, much more the boy sitting next to you. They have been with you since freshman year, and you were more than grateful for one another’s support.

“Peter, I don’t think that whatever I tell you would concern you,” you state clearly to avoid a dragging conversation.

“But we care about you, I care about you, Y/N.” He pouts, “The moment he tries to hurt you, you’ll run back to us and cry about it. I just want to skip seeing that part knowing I can’t see you heartbroken.”

You furrow your eyebrows. His statement comes off as a bit acquisitive, but you knew that it was just his concern caught up in the moment. “That’s the problem. We all need to eventually fail or feel pain. It’s normal, especially for young adults like us, Peter!”

There was a lot of things you wanted to say now. He trigged you somehow and now you’re at the edge of becoming a rambling mess. The worst part of it was that you were scared that you might say something that you would not be able to take back.

“Okay then I’ll–”

“No look, I apologize for raising my voice.” You sighed to calm yourself down and compose your thoughts better. “You know I adore you so much, Peter. And I appreciate you looking out for me. But this can’t be forever, I’ll eventually have to learn how to deal with these kinds of stuff.”

You got through barely half of your day yet you could already feel the emotional turn of having an argument with one of your best friends.

And eventually, your professor entered the room. Barely giving the two of you a moment to continue the heated conversation just seconds ago. The displeased look on Peter’s face remained as he looked in front, acknowledging that both of you took lectures seriously. He wanted to pick up this argument at another setting.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ

"Congrats to your first ever anniversary!” Your friends applaud just as Jacob was seated next to you.

“We’re so proud of you.”

“You two look so happy together!”

“Both of you look amazing, practically perfect for each other.”

“Can’t believe it’s already been a year.”

A year has passed, your group of friends remained even so with Peter. In addition, they learned to accept your boyfriend despite their doubts on online dating sites and applications.

Just as they learned to trust your decisions more, you also learned way more about your significant other. Though despite your differences in fields, you learned to love him more than you thought you could.

All of you have freshly graduated from college. Most of your friends did not have much planned so far; however, as your friendship with Peter remained, he grew to understand your feelings more and handled it sensitively.

After your argument during your early days of dating Jacob, he eventually apologized for his behavior too. Though that was not the only time your friendship with him was put to a test. After the succeeding months, Peter still gave feint warnings and acted a bit overprotective when you tried telling him how you wanted to take your relationship to another level and get more serious.

Nonetheless, you did not let any of your peers affect your view upon your relationship. Seeing that you were now at your first anniversary, you were happy that you followed what your heart and gut believed in.

“To be honest we didn’t expect our Y/N to be getting into a relationship before we graduate, let alone celebrating her first anniversary!” Liz joked. “But in the end, just know that we love you and we’re here for you.”

You smiled, looking at your friends who seemed to share the same feeling. After graduation, everything feels too good. It feels as if your life was falling into place.

Not only have you gotten into a relationship with a kind guy. You also attained high ranks among the other students in your program, which led to companies offering you internships right off the bat. Rather than you worrying about where you’re heading to after college, you got the privilege to pick what you wanted to do.

Surprisingly, you got an offer from the Stark Industries to become an internship on being their analytical chemist. It was the most tempting offer you got. Who would not accept an opportunity like that, right?

When you learned that Peter also got an offer, you were more than happy for him. You knew he was one of the smartest persons in class and he deserved it just as you did.

Both your contracts agreed that the internship starts a month from now which was just perfect, considering that you also have a few things to do prior to it.

“Well, this girl also has a lot planned ahead,” you announce while catching the attention of your friends that were circled around you. “Me and Jacob were talking about moving in probably in his apartment by the end of the month.”

Your intention was not to brag. Everyone could see how genuinely excited you were with such a big event. You were just so happy that despite what every one thought your relationship would end, you accepted whether the outcome would be good or bad.

Your friends cheered at you for taking a big step into your relationship. Looking back, you were so scared to accept the second date, but little by little you could not notice how much progress has been done.

“I am so thankful for you guys.” You smiled and nodded at them before looking to your side where Jacob happily watched you interact with your friends. You slung your arm over his chest and planted a kiss directly at his lips.

“We’re always here for you, Y/N,” Peter added along with a smile.

Unbeknownst to you, just as your friends had left the celebration, you had big news yet to hear.

As you drape your purse over one shoulder, your boyfriend assisted you out. He held one side of the door for you and walked after you. He held onto the side of your waist until both of you reached his car.

Like the gentleman he is, he went over to the passenger side to open the car door for you before doing the same for himself at the driver’s side.

When both of you were finally inside the car, Jacob had not started the car immediately. He paused with fingers gripping around the edges of the steering wheel.

His sigh was just as evident, hearing it echo around the car which left chills across your skin as you looked at him. “You seem bothered. What’s wrong?”

He avoided to look at you just as both of your hands reach for one of his. He lets you toy with his fingers yet his gaze still directs straight at the gas pedal. You lean further to catch a glimpse of him, moving one hand to cup his cheek. “Hey, what’s bugging you, babe? I’m here to listen.”

“I’m sorry,” he starts off. The puzzled look on your face apparent as to what he’s trying to apologize for.

“What do you mean?”

“I just don’t think you deserve to stay with someone like me.”

His self-loathing was not settling your confusion in any way at all. “I still don’t get it.” You did have an assumption in mind, but you chose not to jump into it as it might flare up on what’s happening now.

“I think we need to break up,” Jacob swiftly drops.

Slowly, you pull back and rest your back against the window. You bring a hand up to brush the little fringes in front of your face. You were trying to comprehend everything that’s happening. “I don’t understand. Why so sudden?”

“Don’t get the wrong idea, Y/N–”

“Then what should I get?” Your voice starts to crack as you hold back the tears. “I don’t understand anything at all! You seemed so happy a couple of hours ago.”

“That’s why I’m apologizing,” he softly explains. “You don’t deserve me, I’ve been so horrible to you–”

“You have been so nice to me. I don’t know where you’re getting all of this, at all!” Eventually, tears could not help but form around the corners of your eyes.

Jacob sighs, finally looking at you. “You deserve so much more than this, I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

Finally, the tears began to spill. You covered both your eyes with your palms, trying to both hide and wipe them away. “Y-you can’t just break up with me after celebrating our first anniversary.”

“I’m sorry–” “Stop saying that,” you sniffed. You did not know what annoyed you more, hearing him apologize like a broken record or hearing him imply the ‘its not you, it’s me and you deserve more’ bullshit. “You’re too cruel.”

“I’ll drive you to your house,” he offers. The look on his face seemed very guilty. You did not know what was behind these sudden turn of events, but either way you were heartbroken for how

“No,” you stated. “Uhm, I have a friend who lives nearby. You can drop me off there.”

“Okay.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ

“That’s pretty much my night in a nutshell,” you sighed as Peter entered his room with a blanket and some clothes in hand.

Your legs were cross-seated over his bed as your hid your face with your hands. Peter frowned as he walked over to the edge of his bed where you were positioned. “I just don’t understand why he dumped me all of a sudden, might I add, dumped me on our first anniversary!”

You felt a hand over your back, rubbing slow and comforting strokes as you continued to cry. “Just as I thought I was getting to know him better.”

It was emotionally crushing.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

“Well.” You look up at him despite knowing your nose eyes eyelids became swollen, “You can finally tell me that you told me so.”

“That doesn’t matter right now.” His hands move to the ends of your hair, toying with the strands before turning half of his body aside. He reaches for a mug that situated on top of his nightstand, “Here. I brought you a cup of tea.”

“Thanks, but I’m not really thirsty–”

“Drink,” he calmly says. “You need to get hydrated after crying.”

You could not argue with that. You’ve definitely lost a lot of water in your body after hours of just crying, without drinking anything. “You know me so well.” you told him and added, “I should’ve just listened to you when you warned me about strangers online.”

“I guess I owe you an apology.”

Peter chuckled at your statement and watched you as your lips slowly sipped at the heated tea he had just prepared. “No need to be sorry about anything now, I’m just glad you’re safe. He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

“Don’t worry he didn’t physically touch me,” you assure as he nods.

The adorable boy in front of you slyly looked down as he called for your name. “Y/N? Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course, Peter.”

“Why’d you choose to stop by my place amongst our other friends.”

You finally finish the entire drink he had prepared. Before you could answer him, you extended your arm in order to set the fragile mug back on top of his bed side drawer.

“Well for one, I still know where your place was, and it was closest from the restaurant,” you answered. “And conveniently enough, you were the first person I could think of after Jacob hurt my feelings.”

“I could vividly remember your warnings just as I realized he was breaking up with me already. I didn’t know whether to feel sad or ashamed. What I do know was that you knew me too well, even before I became fully aware of it.”

He smiled at your answer, and you gave the same look at him. “Well I’m glad you thought of me.” His hands reach over to yours and places them on top, feeling the warmth of his body over yours. “I would never want to hurt you, nor let you feel the pain Jacob gave you.”

“You’re too sweet.” You smile.

Your hands rubbed circles around your eyes first. Then you tried to lean in front, opening your arms wide signaling for a hug. Peter did not hesitate to hug you back, enveloping his arms while both of you rest your chins on top of each other’s shoulders.

From this angle, you could strongly scent his cologne. However, that was not the only thing you could observe.

As each second passes, you were not sure if you were the only one who could notice how hot the room was getting. Either that or that your skin was starting to burn up. “Peter?”

“Don’t you think it’s getting hot–”

As you were just about to react, you felt a pair of lips against yours. Peter had pulled back, and even when you could have realized it, he was pinning you down as your back presses against his bed.

And as much as this was entirely contradicting your morals, you did not feel an ounce of guilt as one of your best friends continued to leave kisses down your neck. You were not entirely sure why your mind was doubting this, but your body was suddenly, badly craving for touch – and Peter was conveniently doing you the favor.

“Don’t I think it’s getting what?” Peter sits up and teases just as he pulls his shirt over his shoulders.

“Nothing,” you groan. “But I don’t think this is a good idea–”

He shushes you, “Relax. Let me take care of you, yeah?

His hands gently released heir grip around your wrists. He was confident enough that you wouldn’t fight back after finishing the drink he exclusively brewed for you.

Your state of mind was perfectly right where he expected it to be. Just conscious enough to feel him against you, but incapable of thinking rationally.

He just hated how smart you were when it came to his friends and school; however, just as he expects, you were not as quick-witted when it came to relationships.

And hiring Jacob was definitely one of his greatest achievements so far. He lost a part of his savings along the way, but nothing could ever become as valuable as you. Now that you were in his room, let alone under his touch, he had the upper hand.

Peter was not letting you go that easy afterwards.

For now, he continues to leave kisses under your jaw while your hands lazily combs through the locks of his hair. He proudly hums against your skin after leaving gentle nibbles that started to leave evident love marks.

One of his hands creep under your shirt, reaching to unhook your bra. As he successfully does, he moves to adjust your shirt over your breasts. He gets a good view of them even without having to pull it over your head, smirking to himself as this has been a fantasy he has been dreading for.

“Fuck you’re even more beautiful than I imagined,” he murmurs. With one hand, he gently squeezes around one of your breasts just as he descends at your body.

“Peter,” your moan comes from above his head just as he was ready to spread your legs.

“Yeah, babe?”

“C-condom,” you mumbled with eyelids partially open.

He chuckled as a response, “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it.”

Peter tried to test the waters first to make sure he was completely in control of this situation. He drags the tip of his fingers across your stomach, further narrowing the path down as it reached at the entrance of your cunt.

He could instantly sense how wet you have become throughout his teasing. Both his middle and ring finger grew damper as he inserted them inch by inch, slowly seeing them reappear.

The warmth radiating around your walls excites him more, assuming how good you would be while his cock was wrapped around it. He instinctively curls his fingers out of excitement, forgetting that he was trying to handle you gently.

You react by tightening around it, along with a whine.

“Sorry, babe.”

Moreover, he continues it up until he felt his erection grow harden than before. He made sure he was completely hard before finally dropping both your pants down, attending to yours first until you were completely naked – excluding the shirt he did not haul over your head.

Next was his turn. He undid his shorts and threw them away ever so quickly. Then rushed to welcome himself between the space of your legs. “You ready for me, babe?” He did not leave a choice despite asking that either way. You remained helpless under him.

“Hmm,” was your only response.

Peter did not hesitate as he glides into you. He groans at your heat, grasping that you feel better now compared to when he was using his fingers. “Oh shit,” he groans while speeding up the pace of his thrusts, “you feel so good.”

“That’s it, holy fuck.” He was surprised at how responsive your body was still. Despite drugging you to the extent of being mentally incapable, your body was contracting all over him as if it was enjoying itself.

He continued to praise your body even if you could not understand what he was saying. The entire event revolved around him fucking you and leaving sweet remarks as if he was your boyfriend – and not, at all, a friend who laced your drink and made you believe you were somewhere safe.

Though Peter did say he was going to care for you. Ironically, it was obvious that all he can think about now is chasing his orgasm and nutting inside you. After all, it was one of his dark and twisted fantasies – to have full control over you, at least.

There were few moans coming from you, but the happy noises being created by Peter overpowers. With all of this, sexual, tension he finally got to release, it was expected that he was going to cum sooner.

“Fuck,” and other swears came from him. “Didn’t expect to cum so soon.”

As he did not care about your take on this, he also did not give a fuck when he was planning to cum inside you. Since he purposely avoided to wear any kind of protection, let alone learn if you were in any kind of birth control, anyone in their right mind would know what could happen the morning after.

Willfully, he made sure to go deeper inside you until he could feel the tip of his cock twitch as a sign that he was going to cum. “Gonna fill you up with my cum, yeah,” he grunts as if you were going to reply. “And you’re gonna take it like the good girl you are.”

Even so, when Peter finally felt his release, he took a good look at you beneath. You seemed hot and bothered, but not as him. Your chest was heaving all the while he could feel the speed of the beating of his heart.

When he steadily pulls out, the awaited moment of his deep, dark fantasies finally arise. He could clearly see his own cum beautifully spilling out of your cunt like a cream pie. He could almost feel himself get turned on just at the sigh of it, but he considered that round two’s with you would be saved for next time.

“Peter?” “Hmm?”

“I still feel hot,” you purr.

Peter extends his arm to gently place the back of his hand over your forehead, feeling how feverish your body still was. There were few hints of sweat streaming from your forehead. “Let me take care of you, I’ll just run you a bath, okay?”

You childishly smile and agree with him, “O-okay.” He pulls back to be able to properly stand and proceeds to head to his shower with a huge smile from his face.

You were his.

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sanris3 · 3 years

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A fine line

Pairing: reader x san Genre: friends to lovers(?)/angst Summary: You realize you're in love with your best friend San and unsure how to approach it. Playing with the thin line between friends and lovers. author notes: This is my first piece in a while, I hope everyone enjoys it! in a silly goofy mood at 5am Word Count: 1.6k

The both of you definitely started off on the wrong note. When you and San were first introduced to each other, it was difficult to get close to him. He radiated this intimidating aura and with your shy self, there was no way you'd approach someone like him. You had mutuals through a couple friend groups, it was only natural that you'd end up friends. However, there had been a misunderstanding through a mutual friend and you never thought to clear the air.. because after all, you weren't in a position to fight for the friendship anyway. The both of you left it as it is. Fast forward to 2 years later and the two of you are closer than ever. There was a stark difference between your personalities, hobbies, hell- even the way you both processed things were different. But oddly enough, you guys make it work. You were the epitome of 'opposites attract.' You'd never expect that a toxic relationship would deem you two as inseparable. San struggled a lot and you were there for him whenever he needed a shoulder to lean on. No one understood him but you oddly did. Looking at his situation, you found yourself looking in the mirror recognizing you had been in his position just a year ago. You desired to be there for him. You were reminded of the turbulent moments and unexplainable behaviors that took place- and unknowingly, you began to prioritize him. Not in a romantic way- more so, just ensuring San is doing okay because after all, he is your best friend. All you could think about were the empty moments you experienced when you went through the same thing, you didn't want him to believe no one understood him, because you did. How delightful would it have been if you had someone like this to root for you back then? San allowed himself to become comfortable with you. Sharing each vulnerable thought was a common conversation you two had and honestly- it was fascinating to learn how aware he was about his emotions because all this time, you believed he was emotionally constipated. Even after being friends for so long, the conversations you had never reached the depth that they did now. This was a sign he genuinely acknowledged you to be his closest friend. You'll never overlook the excitement you experienced at the realization he trusts you at his most vulnerable moments. It was happiness. This is what it feels like to have a friendship reciprocated. Vulnerable. Stable. Consistent. Several months go by and that relationship ends. You adhere to his side until the end, making sure he's completely taken care of; and even though it's challenging, you walk him through the emotions, keeping him together at his roughest moments. You had become his pillar. And that's exactly what you did, until, he suddenly cut off contact with you. You understood his heartbreak. He needed time to heal, but that time apart managed to lead through the most confusing part of your friendship. You missed him terribly but what could you do? He needed his space and you respected that. You hear from him for the first time for what feels like forever and you notice something is off. There's something about his aura that shifted- and you couldn't figure it out. Both of you are nervous to talk to each other after the sudden break but as always, you get through it and pick up on the flow once again. But this time it's different. There was a new feeling of awareness in your stomach when you got a notif from him- and for so long, you assured yourself it was because you missed him. Which was true. (at least for now.) There were many instances where you wanted to reach out and invade his space but that would only harm your friendship, and that was the furthest thing you desired to do. But you couldn't help yourself, you grew anxious that he would disappear on you again and started attaching yourself to him a different way and it was a scary feeling because you knew where this would lead to. "She was my person. It was rocky but I've never loved anyone so hard," he says amidst another vulnerable conversation. You try to bring him comfort by wrapping your arms

around him, gently pulling him in for a hug as he sobs again for the night. Your hands rub against his back, gently finding a pace. You feel his grasp on you tighten, hands clinging to you like you'll slip away. But you stay there, bringing him all the comfort he needs, he was still healing. There was that feeling again. Like always, you brushed it aside and never dared to ponder upon it. For the first time, your heart sinks when he's talking about her. It's a good day for both of you. Throughout your hangout you're able to pick up conversations like before, San is starting to smile again and joke a lot more often, the bright San you knew was returning and you were genuinely happy for him. "I knew you'd turn out okay, if I did, you would. It just took some time." you blurt out in the middle of silence as the two of you are watching a movie. He stops in his tracks to turn towards you, "Thank you." His lips curve up into a warm smile with his arms reaching out, unexpectedly pulling you into his arms. "You know, I'm sorry for disappearing. You've been nothing but good to me through everything. I'm grateful to have you around, I promise I'll return everything." You go along with it, loosely wrapping your arms around his frame. "It's okay." You answer with a pause before continuing. "I missed you a lot." "I did too."

There it is again. That feeling. As time went by, it was growing difficult to ignore the little jump in your heart seeing anything of him. A text? A call? Hanging out? Your wavering heart couldn't ignore. The overwhelming feeling was too much for you to handle so that day you ignore San for your sake. You took the day off to think about your feelings for the first time. Why him? Why now? It was hard to understand the sudden change in heart. You pondered over and over again if this was true. Overthinking leads one thing to another and the next thing you know, you're on your bed crying endlessly in the sheets. Out of all people, your feelings were stirred up by Choi San. For the next few months, it was a brutal game of push and pull. Not between you and San, but you and yourself. Slowly, you were filled with frustrations no one but him had answers to, it was driving you insane; One moment you would see San as a friend, then it would be more than that. The friendly gestures you were recieving from him were transforming to a different meaning in your heart. The pet names, the random compliments, the sporadic oversharing- oh you wished that it would stop. But a part of you knew you were acting like this due to the fact you were hyper aware of your feelings.

At one point you wondered what it would be like to feel his lips against yours. It was a confusing cycle you couldn't stand to seperate from him. How bad could it be if you started and ended things on your note? But if you revealed your heart, what if it backfired? There was a chance you'd lose your best friend and it was too risky to cross that line. You were desperate enough to go on dates, and of course, San encouraged you through all of them. There was a clear answer to your questions but the little hope you had in you, kept praying. Just maybe. You wanted San to feel the same way. Maybe it was the alcohol in your system, or you were tired of stringing yourself along- so you initiated the conversation about dating again. Of course, you were extremely careful with how you apporached the situation; One mess up and it'll change the dynamic of your bond forever. You thought about what would happen far ahead. Sure he accepts your feelings and there's might be connection but what if you guys aren't compatiable as lovers? would the both of you have the courage to love like you haven't been hurt? "San- Can I ask you for advice on something? Or not really advice.. but your input." The brunette gears his attention towards you fully, emmitting the same flustering feeling in your stomach. But you don't react physically.

"Is it something serious?" "Yeah sort of-" "Is this another joke you're play-" "I'm serious!" "Okay, what's up?" "what do you think about dating a friend?-" "what?" "just answer the question." "I'm scared it'll happen again." " yeah same, I get you." The both of you return to the movie, carrying on like the conversation didn't happen. The air turned thick. At one point the comfortable silence grew suffocation. Did he catch on or are you thinking too much? For the first time you realized how dangerous that fine line between friends and lovers were. In the end, you didn't want him to take responsibility for your actions. Why should San suffer because of your feelings? that was the last thing you wanted. Sure, you won't be able to kiss him and hug him, or feel his embrace in a much more intimate way- but he was by your side and that mattered. With that, you were happy and content. Even if his heart wasn't yours. "San?" "Yeah?" "I'm really grateful you're my best friend." "I could say the same."

#san scenarios #san angst #ateez scenarios #ateez angst #choi san #ateez x reader #san fic #san smut #ateez smut

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achillestiel · 3 years

Text

the parent trap only works if you’re identical | part three

Tag List: @littlerachelbee @imthedoctorlove @deancas-handprint @castiel-loves-dean @wanderermatthews @thelahatiel @priscillahc @mridzyp @multi-fandom-dark-lord @thefantasyfiend @harmonyhelms @imlivingliferightnow

Dean knew that one day his life would catch up with him and he’d have to explain everything to Claire but this definitely wasn’t how he had planned on doing it. He definitely didn’t expect to be driving to Washington DC with his son. His son. The truth was that he’d thought about Jack a lot over the years. Time and time again he had wanted to call Cas and get to know his child but they’d made an arrangement. Dean got Claire and Cas got Jack. No need to see each and drive each other crazy. Still, Dean had always wondered about his son and now here he was, sat in the impala and complaining loudly over Dean’s music.

“Ok, ok. Enough about the music.” Dean said when Jack’s complaining got to be too much. “We got a long drive ahead of us and I’m sure you have questions. Not gonna lie, I’ve got questions too.” Dean said. Jack let out a long sigh, clearly gearing himself up and Dean braced himself.

“Ok...um...how did you and dad meet?”

“Wow, straight out the gate.” Dean said. “Um, well your dad was studying Political Science and Economics at KU. With you guys being in DC now I’m guessing he got that government job he always wanted. Anyway, I was working at the garage owned by a family friend, guy called Bobby. He’s like an honorary grandpa to Claire. So, Cas’ car broke down so he brought it to the garage. I thought he was cute so gave him a really good discount, in return he asked me out for a drink. The rest is history.”

“Not really…” Jack said. “I’m still confused. What happened after that?”

“Well...we dated while your dad was finishing up at college. After that we went on a cruise ‘cause I’m not great with flying and your dad really wanted to go to London. Turns out I’m not good on boats either. I threw up a lot.”

“Is that when you and dad got tipsy and got married by the captain?”

“How did you know that?”

“Uncle Gabriel told me and made me promise to not tell dad. Apparently it’s why dad refuses to watch Titanic.” Jack said. “Dad? Dean...no, dad...can I ask you something?”

“Of course kid. This is Winchester Question Time after all.” Dean said.

“Are you mad me at and Claire for doing this? Why do we have to switch back so soon? Don’t...don’t you want to spend time with me?” Jack asked and damn if Dean’s heart didn’t break a tiny bit, ok a lot, then.

“Well damn Jack, of course I want to spend time with you buddy. Just ‘cause you’re not around doesn’t mean I don’t love you to the moon and back.It’s just, as much as I want you around, you belong to Cas. Kind of like how Claire belongs to me.” Dean explained.

“We’re kids, not pieces of furniture.”

“Yeah I know and I know this sucks but it’s the agreement that me and your dad came to. Neither of us wanted you and Claire to constantly be going back and forth between houses and you were both so little at the time.”

“Personally I think Claire and my idea to switch places was less idiotic.” Jack said. The kid may have had a point.

Before Dean could even reply his phone burst into life with a video call from Sam and Eileen. Dean stuck his phone into the holder and accepted the call. At once Sam and Eileen’s excited faces filled the screen.

“Hey, let me just pull over so I can talk.” Dean said.

“That’s fine, we just wanted to see Claire and say hi.” Sam said with a huge grin. “We can’t wait to see her!”

“Yeah...about that...we might have hit a slight speed bump.” Dean said as he pulled the impala over and glanced down at the screen. “Claire’s not here.” he said, signing for Eileen at the same time.

What? Where’s Claire? I thought you were picking her up today. Eileen signed.

“Oh I was but she had other ideas.” Dean said.

Where is she?

��Well she’s with her dad, just not the right one.” Dean said. Both Sam and Eileen looked confused for a moment before it seemed to dawn on them.

“She’s with Cas? How the hell did that happen?”

“Ask this genius right here.” Dean said, picking up the phone and spinning it around so Jack could wave at the screen. “Sammy, we got a Parent Trap situation going on.”

“Holy crap! Is that Jack? Wow kid, you grew up! Wait, don’t the twins have to be identical for the parent trap to work?”

“Don’t even get me started on that. I’ve already called both of them morons.”

“Hi Uncle Sam and Aunt Eileen!” Jack both said and signed.

“You know how to sign?” Dean asked him.

“Yeah, dad taught me.” Jack said before looking back at the screen. “Uncle Gabriel has told me so much about you two. It’s so cool to finally meet you!”

“You too kid, I haven’t seen you since you were a baby.” Sam said. “So you’re with Dean and Claire is with Cas...that’s interesting.”

“It’s not ‘interesting’ Sammy, it’s a pain in the ass.” Dean said bringing the phone back to him. “I’m now driving Jack back to DC so I can grab my moron daughter and ground her until she’s college age.”

And see Cas for the first time in over a decade. Are you nervous? Eileen asked.

Why would I be nervous? Dean shot back.

Obvious reasons. You and Cas came up with this cockamamie idea so you wouldn’t have to see each other. You only did that because you’d definitely launch yourself at Cas at the first opportunity.

Don’t start that again Eileen, you know why me and Cas didn’t work out and I really wish you and Sam wouldn’t gossip about it so much.

“We don’t gossip!” Sam said.

“You do and you know you do!” Dean shot back, completely unaware that Jack was texting someone at the same moment. A huge, shit eating grin plastered on his face.

In times of crisis, Gabriel Novak wasn’t normal who most people would have turned to but Cas was short on options. After driving Claire back to his house, Cas called Gabriel in a mild panic. Sadly, by the time Gabriel actually turned up, that mild panic had increased by a fair amount.

“And we’re hiding in your bedroom while the daughter you haven’t seen in over twelve years makes a peanut butter and jelly sandwich because…” Gabriel asked, surveying the sight in front of him. Namely Cas, clearly having a ‘moment’.

"Because Dean Winchester is currently driving to my house. I’m sorry Gabriel but I can’t handle this right now.” Cas said. “I haven’t seen him in over a decade and now he’s driving halfway across the country to swap our kids back!”

“Cas, I think you need to calm down or have a drink. Maybe a few drinks." Gabriel said as Cas shot him the crazy eyes. “Just a suggestion.”

“I don’t think I’m emotionally intelligent enough for this! The man drives me crazy! If he didn’t drive me that insane then I’d still be married to him!” Cas cried as he started to pull shirts out his drawer. “Do I look emotionally stable enough for this Gabriel? We decided upon this arrangement so we wouldn’t have to see each other again because if we did I’d do something stupid like throw myself at him because the man makes me crazy. Seriously Gabriel, have you ever seen me like this?”

“Well…”

“Actually don’t answer that.” Cas said, giving up on finding a shirt and opening up his walk-in closest. Maybe he could just hide in there and leave the whole thing to Gabriel. Then again Gabriel lacked the emotional maturity to handle something like this. Maybe he could leave the whole thing up to Claire.

“No. Castiel, get out the damn closet and see your ex-husband like a big boy.” Gabriel said because of course Gabriel knew exactly what Cas was thinking. It was at that point that Claire strolled into the room holding a sandwich, stopping when she saw Cas stood in his closet holding out two nearly identical sweaters.

"Um, Cas...Dad? Are you spiralling right now?"

"No, why? Does it look like I'm spiralling?" Cas asked, walking out towards Claire. Gabriel opened his mouth to speak. “Don’t answer that Gabriel.”

"Well, yeah. You look like Dad does whenever he gets drunk and hears Since I've Been Loving You then cries while watching cowboy movies thinking that I don't know what he's doing." Claire said bluntly.

"Huh, that was our wedding song." Cas said before walking back into his closet. "Wait." He said, sticking his head out the door. "Does your father do that a lot? Not that I care, it’s just...I’m-"

“Spiralling? Interested in what Dean Winchester has been up to for the past twelve years? Clearly not emotionally intelligent enough to handle all this right now so you’re hiding in a closet like a child?” Gabriel intoned.

"Yep, exactly like dad when he watches cowboy movies." Claire said to Gabriel. “He does it like once a month. It's cool though. I just bike over to Uncle Sam and Aunt Eileen's house. They have cable and Aunt Eileen is teaching me how to sign curse words." Claire said with a shrug. "Cas...dad...why are you spiralling?"

“He’s emotional unintelligent.” Gabriel said while Cas just stood there, still holding the damn sweaters.

“I don’t know what that means.” Claire replied. “Anyway, I just spoke to my dad and they’re stopping for coffee. He said they’ll be here in four hours or so.”

“There you go, you’ve got four whole hours to get a grip.” Gabriel said. “Hey Claire, you gonna eat the rest of that sandwich?”

“Knock yourself out.” Claire said handing over the rest of her sandwich.

“I like this kid, she’s cool. Huh, you make your PB&J sandwiches just like Jack." Gabriel said looking down at the sandwich. "Jelly between two layers of peanut butter..." He added looking over at Cas.

"Yeah, that's how dad always made them." Claire said.

“How bizarre.” Gabriel said wiggling his eyebrows.

“How bizarre.” Claire intoned. Gabriel laughed out loud and high fived her with his sandwich free hand.

“Claire...did your dad say anything else? Does he seem annoyed?” Cas asked before Gabriel could make a PB&J comment.

“Yeah but that’s just because Jack did the ‘puppy eyes’ thing and changed the station to the Billboard Hot 100. I don’t know how Jack does it but he’s gotta teach me that, I’ll get away with so much in the future.”

“Right...did he mention anything else?”

“He wants to know if Dean said anything about him.” Gabriel said, straight to the point like always.

“Oh! No, not really...he stammered out a load of nonsense like always then begged Jack to change the station because Justin Bieber started playing and Bieber creeps dad for reasons I don’t understand.” Claire said with a shrug. “Though Jack said that when he was talking to Uncle Sam and Aunt Eileen he mentioned that they gossip about the two of you all the time.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, dad was signing it to Aunt Eileen. I didn’t know Jack knew sign language.”

“I taught him when he was little.” Cas said. Cas had learnt to sign when he’d met Eileen, it just felt natural to teach Jack.

“I mean, he’s right. Uncle Sam talks about you all the time when I’m there. Not so much in front of dad ‘cause he gets real weird about it.” Claire said. “Jack said something about dad not wanting to see you so he wouldn’t do something stupid. He’s probably right, dad does stupid things all the time.”

“Well well well, who does that sound like.” Gabriel said, shooting a very pointed look at Cas. “Claire, kiddo, why don’t we leave your dad to freak out in the closet and make him some calming tea? Or maybe grab a bottle of tequila?”

“Sure.” Claire said before turning back to Cas. “Dad, it’s gonna be fine. I think my dad is excited to see you. If that helps.” she said with a small smile. Cas smiled back because it didn’t matter how much Dean drove him crazy or how badly his was currently handling the situation. What mattered was that Cas was excited to see Dean too.

Now all he needed to do was pick out a sweater.

#deancas parent trap #deancas fic #destiel fic #ficlet #deancas #destiel #I did not expect this to blow up like this #if i have missed anyone off the tag list please send a message #or if you want to be included please let me know #wanderingcas #tagging you because part one blew up thanks to you #i should be working on other stuff #but here we are #also i literally just noticed typos #i can't fucking spell or proofread to save my goddamn life

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s-creations · 3 years

Text

Two Steps Forward

Panchito has a heavy question on his mind. Something that he's worried that could make or break this relationship with the two people he loves the most. But he has to ask.

Fandom: DuckTales 2017 / The Three Caballeros Rating: General Audience Relationships/Pairings: José Carioca/Donald Duck/Panchito Pistoles Additional Tags: Discussion of Marriage, MArriage, Struggling New Life, Living Together, Minor Discussion of Racism, And I Mean Minor, Nervous Discussion, Happy Ending.

Part of a Series Called: We’re the Three- Sorry, Six Caballeros!

Heads up for everyone! Please note in the tagging section, I have made mention of racism being present in this story. It's nothing super impactful overall, but more of a show of frustration and to act as a sort of barrier. It's nothing that should make anyone feel uncomfortable, but I still wanted to make mention of is at it's still there.

With that being said, please enjoy!

Panchito knew what he brought to their relationship. He was the more chipper out of the three. Always with a smile, the positive outlook on the situation, to offer a good laugh to lighten the mood. Most would assume he was a bit ‘simple minded’. That the attitude came from not knowing what was happening.

But if he wasn’t paying attention, how would he know when to cheer people up?

It was a subtle skill he held. One he’d developed and perfected over the years with having to deal with a large family. Taking in what was happening and finding a good resolution. Understanding what the best outcome would be to spare everyone emotionally. Something he was having difficulty figuring out for this current situation.

Even with him and José having full citizenship, there were still a number of obstacles they couldn’t figure out how to get over.

The parrot was the only one out of the three that held a proper job. It was easy to transfer his position from one airport to another. He still had steady hours and proper insurance. A good income that helped supply the household. But that’s pretty much where the ease stopped.

It seemed realtors and landlords were overly cautious about renting to anyone recently immigrated. Even if said person had a secured job. Even then, there weren’t that many options available to them that made the trio thrilled enough to move. It was expensive to live in the city. Or anywhere near it. Every place they were shown was just as cramped as the boathouse and in a worse state of upkeep. One place being more duct tape than actual building materials. It honestly wasn’t worth the move. All decided it would be better to do so when the other two found stable jobs to help with their income. Which Panchito hoped would be soon because the boathouse was very cramped now with the extra boxes.

But even getting a job was becoming a struggle for both him and Donald. The duck had the unfortunate issue of having a bit of a criminal record. His temper caused him to be tossed from a number of businesses and blacklisted as being someone who was unreliable. Which aggravated the other two to no end because they knew of Donald’s work ethic. The duck was more than reliable if given a proper chance. Which a lot of businesses didn’t feel the need to do.

For Panchito, he had the trouble of finding a performance company that didn’t treat his heritage like a novelty. He was a serious performer, not a trinket for people to patronize! He wasn’t meant to play for families who used his heritage as a theme. Playing songs from his childhood dressed in an overly offensive outfit while privileged families broke apart dollar store bought pinatas. He should be playing at cumpleaños and quinceañeras. To people who would actually respect his work. He was not a trinket!

After a month of searching, it was starting to become a trudge to find a job.

Another concern was the health coverage for the triplets. Even if hatching was a natural process, there were still a number of worries. Donald had the cheapest version of healthcare his non-income could provide. Which still left a lot of out of pocket expenses. José offered to help, to take the full burden. Only to have that shot down when the parrot was told he’s not a legal guardian to the eggs.

“But, we are helping care for the triplets and I am making the offer. How is that not enough?” José argued in disbelief.

Donald just shrugged and shook his head. “You’re not related to them, so it won’t be allowed. That’s just the bottom line. We’d have to get married before we could do anything about it.”

That caused Panchito to perk up at that. His mind rolling the idea of possible marriage around in his head.

He knew what the risk could be. Truthfully, the three hadn’t properly dated for a long time. Maybe only close to a year. Donald had left and returned to his family after a short while of them being together. A promise from him that he’d return after another year and they could continue to explore the world together. After a year, however, it became clear Donald wouldn’t be able to keep that promise. Even if the duck kept contact as best he could, it wasn’t the same.

They never truly ‘broke up’. But Panchito really questioned if they had started dating all those years ago. They loved each other. That was never a question. Confessions were shared and an understanding was created, but they never said they were in a relationship. It was sort of just a silent understanding between the three of them. What worried the rooster was the fact he was thinking of an offer that could scare the other two away. And that scared him to think he could lose Donald and José just as soon as they were together once again.

Donald was a wreck at the moment. No matter what the duck said to convince otherwise. He’d just lost his family, either to the stars or because he cut them out, and had taken in three eggs without questioning how hard it was going to be to raise them. Even with José and Panchito back in his life to help, there were still a number of things that Donald had to worry about. A suggestion of marriage, of another huge life event after losing so much, might cause the duck to shut down and turn away from them.

José, while having a very forward and suave personality in public, was actually reserved when only around Donald and Panchito. They were aware of the parrot’s past ‘relationships’. Which were honestly nothing more than numerous one night stands. He never talked about his family. Panchito could only conclude on his own that any relation the parrot could have with his parents was a negative one. The rooster was worried he and Donald were the first people to give José an actual loving relationship. Something as extreme and rather permanent as marriage might cause the parrot to run.

Even with the possible threat of losing two people he cared so much about, marrying was a thought that hadn’t left Panchito’s mind as days passed. A want that grew stronger with each night that passed with them pressed close in the hammock. The rooster resting in the middle. Donald tucked right under his chin with José using the red feathered chest as a pillow. Arms and legs tangled together and all covered by a well-worn quilt.

As he lays awake, eyes watching the night sky as it passes, Panchito knows he wants this. He wanted it, wanted them, and he never wanted to let go.

He was going to make sure it happened.

Panchito was an early riser. Skillful at slipping out between the other two and standing on the cold floor without making a noise. He waited a few moments to make sure the others remained asleep. Looking back to watch as Donald and José shuffled closer together to reclaim the warmth that had left. The duck wrapped every limp around the parrot, José muttering as he nuzzled under Donald’s chin. Panchito gave a small smile before collecting the eggs, wrapping them up with an overly fluffy blanket and moving them to the kitchen.

Once the eggs were settled and still on the kitchen table, Panchito flipped on the radio to let music chase the quiet away. Loud enough to be heard, but not enough to wake the others. With that set, he turned his attention to making breakfast. The small buffet of different dishes was near completion when Donald and José shuffled out from the bedroom. The duck looked more awake than the parrot. Both took a seat at the table to wait for the still cooking food. Donald talked gently to the eggs while José leaned against his hand, eyes closing again.

Panchito soon joined them. A plate put before each to let them take their needed fill of food. A quiet mumble of ‘Thanks.’ sounded before all started eating. His heart was hammering as he started to eat as well, knowing he needed the others to be a little more awake before broaching the subject.

Absolutely not stalling because he was terrified with where this could lead.

“Panchito? Are you okay? You are quiet this morning.”

The rooster was a little embarrassed at how far he jumped. Eyes darting up to José before flickering between him and Donald. “Uh, yes. I’m fine. Just...I have something on my mind?”

“Do you want to talk about it?” The duck asked this time.

Unsure of what to say, Panchito stalled for time by plucking at the small feathers on his fingers and wrist. Only for Donald to reach over and halt him.

“I want to get married.” Well, there goes all that subtly and structured argument he’d been trying to build up. Panchito felt his feathers ruffle in embarrassment, eyes darting down as the other’s exchanged looks of surprise.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ask like that.” The rooster groaned.

“What...brought this on?” Donald asked.

“I...just… We’ve been talking a lot about what we need to do to care for the eggs. And how it seems that we can’t move forward because our credit, or our finances, or that just being together doesn’t count as being ‘stable’. And you made a casual comment about being married would really benefit us. Which got me thinking about marrying you two and how much I really wanted to and I…”

Panchito exhaled slowly, leg bouncing as he squeezed Donald’s hands. “I don’t want to lose you two and I...I really like the idea of us marrying and I… I love you two, so much. I love the eggs and I want to give them the best. I don’t need or even want fanfare about it all. I just...I want...to marry...you two…”

With that, it fell quiet. Shoulders slumped as he leaned back into the padded seat. His eyes remained on the table, not wanting to see the other’s looks of possible disgust or rejection. It was such a poor argument (it wasn’t even an argument, he wasn’t sure what that rambling counted for) and he was already worried the other two weren’t ready for this. If they had been on the fence about this then Panchito did not win them over.

What was he thinking?

He couldn’t have been better prepared for this?

Make a list. Pros and cons to make his case. Why did he just dive head first into this? He’s such an idiot. No sane person just asks something so heavy and so suddenly. They were going to leave him because they’re going to realize how much of an idiot he was. He was going to lose them.

He felt so sick, he wanted to cry-

“I was honestly thinking the same thing.” Panchito’s head shot up so quickly José actually flinched. The parrot recovered quickly, giving a small smile before continuing. “I know it is a large step forward, but...I don’t want to lose you two. I want to spend the rest of my life with the both of you.”

José reached over to take a hand from both Panchito and Donald. “I wish to marry you two.”

Heart beating furiously, Panchito beamed and gave a gentle squeeze to the parrot’s hand. Both turned to face Donald who still looked stunned.

“Is this moving too fast?” the rooster asked worriedly, “I-I really didn’t want to push you-”

“No, no, you’re fine. It’s just…” Donald laughed softly, “People normally get on one knee to propose.”

“Oh, well, by all means. If we need to do this properly.”

“No, I was joking!” Donald laughed as Panchito slid from the booth. Making a large show of getting on his knee, flipping his crown back and setting his face as serious as he could. It didn’t help that Donald was laughing still, clearly flustered. “Donald Duck. José Carioca. Will you do me the great honor of allowing me to take your hands in marriage?”

“So salacious,” José smiled, “Did you even ask my father if he approved of this?”

“...I’d rather not. He scares me.”

Donald doubled over in laughter at that. The parrot playfully rolled his eyes as he sighed dramatically. “Well, I suppose that does not truly need to happen… Very well, I accept.”

“This is the strangest proposal that I’ve ever seen.” Donald wheezed.

Panchito pouted. “This is supposed to be serious and heartfelt.”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, hold on.” Taking a few deep breaths, the duck collected himself the best he could. Feathers still ruffled as he said, “I happily accept as well.”

Being mindful of the eggs resting nearby, Panchito clambered onto the table. Close enough to pull the other birds into a deep kiss. He wished he had enough room to dance and jump without the worry of breaking something important. Or that he could yell with joyful abandonment without disturbing the neighbors. But he was more than content with being squished between his fiancées as the sun fully rose into the sky.

They were married two weeks later. No fanfare, no family members physically present (Panchito’s family watched and cheered from a computer screen), they didn’t even bother with rings. All deciding it would be better to save up for a larger place to live.

The rooster didn’t want to say the written paper that officially announced their marriage was any sort of a good luck charm. But it seemed after said event, things started to look up. Panchito was able to get a ‘non-themed’ position with an entertaining business. A small company that catered to the minority families located in Duckberg and the surrounding towns. Donald eventually decided he would just be a stay at home parent. Knowing someone would need to keep an eye on the triplets once they hatched.

“We’ll save on babysitters this way.” The duck concluded with a shrug.

They were able to find a comfortable apartment next. Three bedrooms, two baths, and positioned perfectly in the suburbs near Duckberg. There was a bit of a commute, but one they were more than willing to put up with for the price of the place. There was a bittersweet moment when the boathouse was finally sold. José and Panchito recognized how hard Donald had worked to get a place of his own after the fall out. But it was forgiven and forgotten rather quickly when the money was spent on a large bed and three cribs.

“We’ll get a hammock when we buy a house.” José promised.

Donald laughed softly. “I’ll be fine with an actual bed for awhile. Shockingly, back support sounds more appealing.”

It took a few weeks to properly settle in. The big pieces of furniture were placed first, allowing for some semblance of a layout. José would be called away for a few days at a time, so Panchito and Donald focused on putting the smaller items in place when the parrot wasn’t there. The rooster was more than thrilled when he had an entire set of shelves for his heirlooms. While one of the rooms was specifically made up to be the nursery, Donald wanted the eggs to be nearby for the time being. One of the cribs having been set up in their large bedroom close to the bed.

“It’s just until they’ve hatched.” Donald concluded.

Panchito laughed softly. “Or until you feel okay with leaving them alone. Which will probably be never.”

“Shut up.”

They eventually fell into a comfortable routine. José was gone for most days but slipped into the others arms easily every time he returned home. Panchito and Donald kept all as orderly as they could at the homestead. The rooster content with his new career. Even if it wasn’t the record label he had always dreamed about as a child. He had a home, a job, and happily married to the two people he cared so much about.

When he woke early, before the sun had even started to crest over the horizon. Pressed against a clinging duck and parrot that were resting on either side of him. Eggs resting in the nearby crib being illuminated by a nightlight. Panchito would realize, with a watery smile and warmth in his chest, he wouldn’t change this for anything.

This was his new dream and he was happily living it.

#Donald Duck #Jose Carioca #Panchito Pistoles #jose carioca/donald duck/panchio pistoles #The Three Caballeros #the three gay caballeros #s-creations

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poetryofyouth · 3 years

Text

I did it, I finally quit psychiatry

(I wrote this for r/antipsychiatry, but I thought I might as well post it here too. don't read if you're easily triggered)

It's been a long journey through hell, but I've had enough. I'm not taking any more shit from incompetent, clueless doctors who think they know me better than I do myself. Who do not listen to me when I beg them to change the medication and instead just give me more of the stuff that is making me worse. I'll finally be free.

I doubt anyone cares, but I'll just tell you my story from the beginning. This is going to be a very long story. Basically, I became depressed at 14 or 15, I'm a 22 year old woman now. The reason was mainly that I couldn't handle the pressure from school. I am a very ambitious, perfectionist but also extremely lazy person. I was constantly beating myself up for not achieving what I wanted to achieve but also unable to fix my behavior. I did also have some slight, not even that serious trauma from a emotionally neglectful childhood and my parents telling me I was a failure every time I would get a grade that wasn't an A. At some point it all became too much and I started self-harming. Then I got worse and worse, self harming occasionally but severely, until I finally attempted suicide at 17.

I was locked into a youth psychiatry institution against my. will. I had my rights, my freedom taken away and was forced to take heavy medications. The very first evening I asked the psychiatrist at the hospital about the side effects of the medications, but he refused to tell me anything and instead just said I should trust his professional judgement. Unfortunately I was too tired and unwell to keep asking so I just accepted not knowing what would happen to me.

They gave me very high doses of Seroquel (Quetiapine), SSRIs and other stuff that I don't even know because they didn't even tell me the names of what they made me take. I just know the names of the medications I was supposed to continue to take after the hospital stay because they were in the papers they gave me. Then after a few days I begged the doctor to take me off the meds because I was so tired I could barely move. I had never felt worse in my life. she refused and instead upped my dose further.

I got worse and worse until I managed to get access to a razor blade I injured myself with on purpose. When my roommate told the nurses what I had done, I was forcefully, against my will restrained onto a bed. Yes, they actually tied me to a bed. And then pushed the bed into a small room where I was alone, and tied to the bed, unable to move. Of course I had a severe panic attack. The room had video surveillance, but it took them quite some time to notice that I was having a panic attack. they finally came and gave me something to breathe into and I calmed down more or less, but they didn't untie me. I later had to pee, and they didn't even untie me for that. I had to pee into a bedpan while tied to the bed, with a nurse watching me. it was incredibly humiliating. I was not untied the entire night. I was restrained until the next morning. When they finally untied me, I had quite seriously injured myself from fighting against the restraints. I had basically torn the skin off my ankles, the scars are faded now but they were visible for many years. It was quite painful. I do consider this incident of being restrained against my will psychiatric abuse, especially because I was restrained for so long. In total probably 10 hours, maybe even more.

Then the hospital didn't really know what to do with myself. I had of course lost any trust I had into the nurses and doctors and shut myself off from them. So they transferred me to a different institution, a more high-security one. Of course I wasn't asked if that was okay, I had to comply. I had began to form relationships with some of the girls, so being taken away from the small support system I had was very stresssful, especially considering how fragile I was at that time.

The other institution wasn't much different, but it was good for me to be taken away from the people who had abused me. I got a tiny bit better. I started to trust the nurses there a little bit. I got along with the other patients and over all liked the hospital better for maby reasons. And then they noticed I was a little better. And then they decided I was well enough to go back to the other hospital. Of course I wasn't asked this time either. But I had made more progress there in two weeks than in the other hospital in a month. I had again started building a little support system. But worst of all, I was forced to go back to the place where I had been abused, and at the time I was still very affected by the experience. I felt incredibly powerless and betrayed, but I didn't have a choice.

Then back at the first hospital I decided I would get better, for no other reason than to finally be able to leave that horrible place.

Then two things were getting severly uncomfortable. I was weighed every week and started noticing significant weight gain. At the same time, I was hungry all the time. painfully hungry, ravenous, even. I basically felt like I was starving all the time but still put on weight. Of course that was because of the high doses of Seroquel, but no one told me. I told nurses, doctors and therapists about the hunger and weight gain, but they simply didn't tell me that was a side effect, they told me an increased appetite was a sign i was getting better. I legit thought I was losing my mind.I have struggled with weight all my life and putting weight on like that made me feel horrible.

Then the doctor decided I was well enough to start taking up school work again. I begged him not to force me to, I told them the pressure of school was the reason I was sick in the first place. Of course no one listened to me. I was forced to do school work even if I knew it wasn't good for me. they didn't care.

Then, after three months of hell, I was finally released. And only because it was Christmas, and my parents refused to leave me there over Christmas. I got a therapist and medication for home.

Then after the Christmas holidays I, against my will, started going to school again. And after about two weeks, my new therapist told me that I had to choose between dropping out of school or going back to the hospital, because school was already making me severely suicidal again. And that was one of the few good things a mental health professional had said to me. I dropped out of school and actually started getting better for real. I sometimes forgot to take my medication, and every time I did, I instanty felt better. I suddenly didn't feel like a tired zombie anymore, I actually had emotions, I felt... alive. So I begged my psychiatrist to let me stop taking medications, and a few months after being released from the hospital, I was free of them.

And everything was great. I got a job, then I volunteered in New Zealand, then, when I was in a more stable place than at 17, I took up school again and graduated with flying colors. I was doing incredibly well.

And then I started university. The first semester went okay, but my mental health quickly started deteriorating. It was the academic pressure again. That's simply something I cannot handle. Soon I started self harming again, and it became more frequent than ever before. I also got into a bad, one might even say toxic, relationship. My girlfriend had issues on her own, but her behavior towards me was often extremely triggering and I very frequently self harmed because of something to do with our relationship. I do not want to blame her for my behavior, but she often made feel worthless, like I was not good enough for her. She would frequently cancel our dates at the last minute, and when she didn't, she would be half an hour late, and when we were together, she didn't make me feel very appreciated either. I was very much in love with her and always blamed myself for everything she did. She once even talked me into having sex with her, when I had said no repeatedly. She did not accept no for an answer and kept pushing until I slept with her to make her shut up. I felt like I didn't have a choice. She didn't force me to, but she simply did not accept my "no". Anyways, it was not her who took the knife to my skin, but she was a big factor in why I did it. I never told her she was a reason for my severe self harm, I didn't want her to feel bad. I didn't hide my wounds fro. her, I mean we did see each other naked and I always had at least four or five big bandages. We just kinda... ignored that.

So then I was getting desperate and decided to get professional help once again. I went to a free psychiatrist from the student councellors and she prescribed me Seroquel once again. I told her I didn't want to take it because it had made me gain a lot of weight and made me very tired. She laughed in my face and told me Seroquel doesn't do that. I don't know if she was just incompetent or lied to me on purpose, because these side effects are experienced by pretty much every single person who takes Seroquel, they are listed in the information leaflet, and I know many people who have taken this medication, all of them had them. During the appointment, she did not even ask me how I was feeling. She prescribed me 200 mg of Seroquel XR. Now, the recommended starting dosage is 50 mg. She prescribed me a starting dosage of four times the recommended amount. Unfortunately, I did not know that back then, I didn't expect a doctor to be that negligent. I took the first 200 mg pill that very evening before going to listen to a debate. Seroquel XR takes a while to kick in, but oh boy did it kick in. I didn't even notice the tiredness that much because I was having severe heart palpitations. My vision was going from normal to black and to normal again all the time. I was dizzy and desoriented and felt my heart was about to jump out of my chest, and sometimes it stopped beating for several seconds. I legit thought I might die in the audience of a debate on ethical farming.

Of course I didn't take the pills the next day and started looking for another psychiatrist. I got an appointment relatively quickly at a private one, it was relatively hopeless to get an appointment with one my insurance would pay, but I thought if she could help me, money wouldn't matter. She prescribed me some stuff that didn't do much harm but also didn't do much good. basically, i was a little tired but that was it. i got a therapist.

About 9 months passed, I had several psychiatrist appointments where I told her the meds didn't do much good, but she never really changed anything. She also insisted that I would get tested for Borderline personality disorder and the psychologist she told me to go to diagnosed me with it. My therapist at the time agreed with me that there was no way in hell that I have BPD, but she also said that when psychiatrists see an adult who self harms, BPD is the only thing that can explain that for them.

Then fall came and a new uni semester started. I had been alright over summer, I had broken up with my girlfriend, but of course with the start of the semester, everything came crashing down.

I lasted a month in university until i impulsively took the whole pack of Seroquel I still had laying around and went to the hospital telling them i was suicidal and also told them what i had done.

Now, I have to say that the nurses in this hospital were absolute angels. They treated my with respect, I almost felt mothered. I was given a lot of activated charcoal and basically had a good night in the hospital. I also got stitches for my freshest self harm injuries, but I had several ones that were too old to be treated that way.

The next morning I was transferred. Can you guess where to? The mental hospital i had been to as a teen. Again, I didn't have a choice.

But overall, the experience at the emergency ward was not as horrible as the first time. I was an adult now and actually treated like a human person. it says a lot about my first experience that I was very surprised by that.

I felt better rather quickly, mostly because the stress factory university was eliminated. The doctor there again insisted that I had BPD even when I said that was ridiculous. They evalued me again and the psychologist came to the conclusion that I had a borderline accentuation, basically borderline borderline.

The emergency ward doctor talked me into treatment at the psychotherapy ward, so I did that for 8 weeks. it was okay, again I was treated way better than as a teen. I was allowed to have an opinion about the medication, I was even allowed to read the little side effect pamphlets. But overall it didn't really do it, I self harmed less but I still self harmed.

During that stay I decided to drop out of university and start an apprenticeship as a baker. I found a company to work for, I loved work, then Corona happened. The company had to shut down. They laid me off after I had only worked there for three weeks. Basically I fell into a hole again, became a depressive husk again.

Then some time passes and a new therapist asked me why I didn't want to go to university anymore, she basically thought i was too intelligent not to. I told her how I could never focus, how I struggled with procrastination, how I couldn't handle the pressure and she recommended that I get assessed for ADHD. Now, I had suspended I had ADHD for years, but I didn't want to bring it up myself. I didn't want to seem like hypochondriac, or an attention whore, and after all, I had told so many people about my struggles and they never suspended ADHD. But I was relieved she brought it up and I had an "excuse" to get assessed. I was professionally diagnosed with ADHD soon after and happily went to my psychiatrist with my brand new diagnosis, I was full of hope that I would finally be "fixed". She basically told me she couldn't help me because she didn't know a lot about adhd. She prescribed me a very low dosage of Strattera (10 mg) and recommend me a specialist. I called the specialist, but they told me they couldn't give me an appointment and I should call in a few months, maybe it would be possible then.

It was july, and over the course of summer I decided I would try university again. Maybe if I was medicated for ADHD, I would actually be able to study. In fall of 2020, I started a brand new program, something very different from what I had done before.

I realized pretty quickly that the Strattera wasn't helping so I found a private ADHD specialist. I was extremely excited for the appointment. Again I thought "I only have to get through these few weeks, then I will finally get proper treatment" I didn't get proper treatment. He prescribed me more Strattera, which didn't help. The next appointment was a month after the first and again, I was excited. I was sure thia time he would fix me. I was sure after that appointment I wouldn't have to suffer anymore. But again, despite me saying I wanted to try something different, and that Strattera was not helping at all, he prescribed more Strattera.

Then university was getting really stressful, I had exams before Christmas, I was frustrated about him not listening to me. I started having suicidal thoughts again, I even relapsed with self harm, it had been months since the last time. But I more or less got through it in a piece, I even passed the exams (surprisingly), and was again looking forward to the next psychiatrist appointment after the Christmas vacation.

Strattera wasn't doing nothing, but it was not doing anything helpful. Basically, it made me feel quite relaxed, chill, less stressed. Which sounds good at first. But in order to get anything done, I rely on negative motivation. Basically, if I'm not panicking over possibly failing an exam, I'm just simply not going to study. So Strattera took the tiny bit of self-discipline and motivation that I had away and replaced it with a "idgaf"-attitude.Of course I told the psychiatrist. But can you guess what he did? Bingo, he upped the Strattera dosage. Again.

Then I had a second appointment with a new therapist, an ADHD specialist for adults. I told her how he did not care what I told him about Strattera and she was extremely upset and said that I can't let myself be treated like that. I needed to call him immediately and yell at him until he does something actually useful. I was baffled. I am not a confrontational person at all and I had never even considered actually arguing with a doctor. Yes I know, it sounds stupid in hindsight, but even after all that I had experienced, I still naively thought the professionals know best.

Okay so I called him. unsuccessful. I texted him. he ignored me. He had ignored my texts telling him that I was actually worse even before that last appointment, even though he told me to contact him with any concerns, and said that he prefered texts best, I thought he was maybe busy or something and didn't think much of it, but then he was ignoring my calls and texts. I was basically ghosted by a s

psychiatrist.

Okay I thought, then I'll simply go to someone else. To my suprise I got an appointment really quickly. I knew this wasn't a good sign, because good psychiatrists, if there even are any, don't have appointments free that soon.

But still, I had hope. And was of course disappointed again. I went to her with a professional ADHD diagnosis, but for her, that wasn't good enough. She had the audacity to tell me I needed another diagnosis from her psychologist friend who, by the way, has his office in a town over an hour away. She refused to treat me at all until I got that second diagnosis. Now,. I went to her out of pure desperation, out of knowing I simply could not go on like this any longer. Because I needed treatment quickly. And she told me she wouldn't give me that. I couldn't keep a few tears from escaping my eyea, she noticed and said very condescendingly "you don't have to cry, that's normal procedure". I tried my best to fight the tears, but as soon as I left her office, I started bawling my eyes out in the middle of town

And then I knew I was done. I had tried and tried again to get help, and I had not gotten it, I had not been listened to. Something in me snapped right in front of that office building.

I went home and threw my medication in the trash. Sure, it's bad to quit cold turkey like that, but honestly I don't care. I'm done. I'm done with psychiatry, I'm done with doctors. I have had the patience of a saint, but enough is enough. That was yesterday. And today I flipped a coin, twice, once for the psychiatrist and once for the new therapist. It told me to quit both of them, so I did.

I'm done with the mental health industrial complex. It has not helped me in all those years. I have only been sedated. Fuck psychiatry, fuck psychiatrists. Maybe I am simply meant to be miserable. I'll probably drop out of uni again, I thought I would be able to do it with treatment, but I did not get treatment, and I simply cannot do it this way. I've already attempted suicide because of academic pressure twice. Maybe I'll just have to live a miserable life working a low-paying job until I'm sad enough to finally actually kill myself. I'll probably always be a wreck, but at least I won't be a sedated wreck any longer. I'll be free, until I will be free for real.

Thank you for reading all this. I know it was a lot, but I needed to get it off my chest. Thank you.

#anti psychiatry #anti psych #antipsych #mental health industrial complex #long post #tw #cw

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moons-and-stars-and-shit · 3 years

Note

Congratulations on your 300!

Can I get a star matchup with Kuroo? I'm a Leo (Virgo moon), I don't really like socializing with people but at the same time it's pretty easy for me to approach them if I'm asking questions or something.

Thank youuuu💗

𝕊𝕥𝕒𝕣 𝕄𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙𝕦𝕡 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕂𝕦𝕣𝕠𝕠

𝑃𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑡𝑠 🪐.

Leo is ruled by the Sun while Scorpio is ruled by the Planets Mars and Pluto.

The Sun is about ego and self, and it radiates warmth and light. Leo indeed emits this kind of zeal and enthusiasm. Mars is about war, brashness and battle, and Pluto is the influence on Scorpio’s inner dialogue.

Ruled by the House of Sex, Pluto influences the idea of regeneration and rebirthing that is a current theme in Scorpio’s life.

Together, this abundance of male energy causes Leo and Scorpio to lighten their conflicts and assist one another. The Sun represents life, and Mars and Pluto represent ambition and the unconscious

as long as they take the time to really understand one another on a deep level, their romance is a positive one with high expectations.

𝐸𝑙𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑠 🔥💧🍃🌬

Leo is a Fire Sign and Scorpio is a Water Sign.

Leo demands the freedom to mingle, while Scorpio has a chameleon personality.

Both Signs want to lead, but in different ways, and this common desire could end up causing ripples in an otherwise steady, smooth relationship.

Like the Elements that influence them, these two have the ability to cancel one another out.

At times, their relationship may not be so harmonious. However, both partners will realize that petty disputes are only a distraction, and as long as they can keep their egos at bay and give the relationship top priority, their conflicts can usually be resolved.

𝑇𝑟𝑢𝑠𝑡 🤞

The positive side to this relationship when it comes to trust is in the fixed quality of both signs.

This is not such a good thing when it comes to their ability to adapt and be flexible for each other, but it is a perfect thing for mutual trust.

If they set the clear foundation in the beginning of their relationship, Leo transparent as they are and Scorpio direct and honest, they might trust each other without exception for a very long time.

That is if they both want to be open for this kind of relationship in the first place.

𝐶𝑜𝑚𝑚𝑢𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 🤝

It is a good thing that these two signs can be so well behaved.

Although this is not always the case, Leo wants to show the right image to the world, and Scorpio understands karma better than many other signs.

This is why they will probably have enough respect for each other to communicate in a civilized manner.

They are both obsessive in a way.

Leo will never give up on chasing their passion, with enough energy to spark everyone around them, and Scorpio will hold on to things they care about, and obsessively fight for their goals.

If they share the same passion or interests, they will have something to talk about, obsessively.

The depth that is typical for Scorpio is something that Leo tries hard to reach in their search for Unity.

Their conversations can be very tense and irritating for both, but along the way they might realize that they give each other exactly what they both need.

𝐸𝑚𝑜𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 😠😔😊

This is probably the most challenging relationship in the entire zodiac when it comes to emotions that these partners have for each other.

In some cases, they can be identified with hate, but the important thing to remember here is that hate is also love, in its “negative” form, and both of these partners will think that any emotion is better than no emotion.

Their a bit torturous relationship can hold them together for a long time, even though they might be unhappy and aware that they could be happier with someone else.

In a way, Scorpio likes to be tied through negative emotions, for love sometimes has to hurt, and Leo sticks with their decisions because they rarely accept that they might have been wrong.

This relationship can become a very difficult circle of suffering for both partners, especially if any one of them doesn’t have their independent life, friends and finances.

When they do, they might find a fine balance, for as long as they both have freedom to think that there might be better options for them with other people.

If they don’t find any, they could realize that they are perfect for each other as self-sufficient individuals, through a healthy approach.

𝑉𝑎𝑙𝑢𝑒𝑠 🤲

Both of these partners will value honesty and clarity. Although they understand clarity in different directions and depth, the main characteristics in people they wish to date are very similar.

Often, they won’t even recognize their similarity out of an emotionally unstable or obsessively stable position, completely different from a passionate, creative one.

They have to deal with the value of creation against the value of destruction and this is not easily reconciled.

The bridge between them is found in unconditional honesty.

𝑆ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑑 𝐴𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑡𝑦𝑠 💪

It is very interesting how a Leo and a Scorpio might organize their time together.

While they are in most cases interested in different things, Scorpio is ruled by Mars, a planet that Leo understands well and cooperates well with.

They will both have the energy to follow each other’s desires and they could actually have a lot of fun.

Still, they usually stumble upon a problem when it comes to their understanding of certain circumstances and people around them.

There is rarely a compromise between the positive, constructive approach of Leo and the often negative, sensitive approach of Scorpio, especially when none of them is exactly true.

It would be best for them to remain true to themselves, and understand that there is a middle ground between their opinions and feelings, however strange it might seem.

𝑆𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦 💕

When Leo and Scorpio start dating, they might not know exactly what they are to expect.

This is in no way an easy relationship, and both partners can be stubborn and stiff in their opinions, life choices and ways they handle reality.

If they want to remain in a loving relationship, they need to understand each other’s way of expressing emotions and respect each other’s needs however different they might be from those they are used to.

When they find a way to love each other without conditioning, they might realize that they are in search for the same thing – Unity.

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu fandom #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu matchups #kuroo #kuroo tetsurou #300followerevent

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iwaisa · 4 years

Text

request. Hello! Can i ask for the while alphabet with Kenma pretty please 👉🏻👈🏻 thank youu! - anon

a/n. hey love!! here u go!! <3

► now playing...

- warnings. slight manga spoilers, swearing

a - affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?)

↳ u know him. ugh. little to no affection in public. he might settle for a hug or a kiss on the cheek but only if you two are alone for a split second. he hates it when kuroo teases him for it lol. however, he won’t admit that he absolutely loves when you sit on his lap or in between his legs as he’s playing his games.

b - best friend (what would they be like as a best friend? how would the friendship start?)

↳ since he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to new people, you two would probably be paired up for a project. he can’t stop himself from sneaking glances at you and kuroo knows. he knows something is changing in his behaviour and one day he catches kenma staring at you as you pass by the gym with your friends. kuroo knows.

c - cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?)

↳ he just...plays on his phone. he does listen to you when you ask him to put it down though lol. he likes laying face to face with you and holding you close.

d - domestic (do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?)

↳ he does!! he’s so blushy when you talk about it or joke about having kids or adopting kids. he’s likes being clean and he doesn’t really like cooking, it’s always been kuroo cooking food for him. if you can’t cook, he might order food or the two of you will take a trip to a store.

e - ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

↳ he would probably do it later than in the moment he knows he needs to. he wants to hold on, but he feels your relationship slipping and he can’t save it. game over.

f - fiance(e) (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)

↳ he wants to wait until the two of you have enough money and are financially stable enough to buy an apartment. once he becomes literally loaded from his youtube job, he’ll want to propose instantly. he’s about to shit his pants as he’s starting his ‘special stream.’ ;)

g - gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

↳ he’s so soft. like he doesn’t even change when he’s around you he’s just naturally soft.

h - hugs (do they like hugs? how often do they do it? what are their hugs like?)

↳ he’s okay with hugs, he just can’t stay there for a long time. he loves just those quick simple hugs that say a lot.

i - i love you (how fast do they say the l-word?)

↳ he wouldn’t say it quickly that’s for sure. he wants to know if this relationship is something you really want. he knows he’s ready to say it, but are you?

j - jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they’re jealous?)

↳ lowkey actually gets really jealous. he’d keep an eye on you put play it off by holding his phone as if he’s playing a game. he’s not paying attention to the phone, he’s paying attention to you. of course, he wouldn’t scold you or anything for letting that person try to pick you up, but instead he lets it go because he knows you’ll notice his change in behaviour. especially when he presses a bunch of kisses to your face.

k - kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?)

↳ the lightest kisses!!! he LOVES eskimo kisses. so much. they never fail to make his heart flutter. he loves kissing your nose, and he loves when you kiss his cheeks.

l - little ones (how are they around children?)

↳ actually really calm around them. like eerily calm. he doesn’t spark a conversation, he just lets them have a one sided conversation with themselves lol.

m - morning (how are mornings spent with them?)

↳ super lazy mornings. he likes making food instantly because you knowww he’s grumpy when he’s hungry. he loves it when you tell him the dreams you had the previous night.

n - night (how are nights spent with them?)

↳ he wants to play video games 🥺 if you don’t, then he’ll make sure to know exactly what you like to do when you’re bored. cuddles you until you fall asleep :3 then he goes back on his phone

o - open (when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

↳ he’ll probably start opening up later, because has a lot to unpack. he never wants to draw attention to himself so he never speaks up, he actually cares a lot of about his friends, he loves you. oops! that’s where he says it :))

p - patience (how easily angered are they?)

↳ he’s irked easily but he doesn’t get angry. he tries to keep his cool for the sake of the people around him.

q - quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

↳ he remembers everything 🥺🥺 he has super detailed notes of all your likes on his phone.

r - remember (what is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

↳ when you went to one of his big games and he finally got excited during it and you ran down to congratulate him. he still remembers very clearly the smile you adorned and how adorable you looked with the big number five on your chest.

s - security (how protective are they? how would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)

↳ he knows you can kick ass 😌 he tries not to be overprotective but he can’t help it. ceo of ‘are you sure you have everything?’ he loves when he hears you defending him to someone who takes his attitude as him not caring.

t - try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

↳ arcade dates 🥺 he actually loves going places with you and he loves getting you gifts just to see the excited look on your face. he tries, but he tries with a nonchalant attitude and a knowing smirk on his face when he buys you something expensive you had your eyes on for a while.

u - ugly (what would be some bad habits of theirs?)

↳ he doesn’t talk about his feelings and he acts as if he doesn’t care. he does, he just doesn’t know how to yell it out that he loves his friends and you.

v - vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)

↳ he once (1) wondered what he would look like with short hair, but was scared that you might not like him anymore.

w - whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)

↳ not even his games can make him feel the same joy he used to. it’s as if he’s losing interest in everything he used to love. he can’t stop now, not with his millions of subscribers eagerly awaiting new fun content. but he can’t do all of those things without thinking of you. are you one of the million still subscribed to him?

x - xtra (a random headcanon for them)

↳ he’s not greasy why do y’all do him like that 😿😿😿 he actually smells like laundry detergent and his hair is super silky.

y = yuck (what are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

↳ he doesn’t like people who are immature. kuroo and lev both like to have fun, but they know how to shape up during a game or school. he tends to stay away from crazier people.

z - zzz (what is a sleep habit of theirs?)

↳ he tires himself out by playing video games or watching videos on his phone. he wears airpods so when he wakes up he can’t find them because he fell asleep with them in and now they’re under his covers and one’s in his pillow somehow. (totally not based off personal experiences)

issa’s 200 follower event! - now closed!

#issa's 200 follower event!#haikyuu!!#kenma x reader #kenma kozume #kozume kenma

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ask-the-clergy-bc · 4 years

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can I pls have some hcs of the Papas/Copia what they'd be like parenting a son?

You got it, fam!

Also just a quick note that in my writings Copia is not related to the Emeritus. :) So it will show in how he interacts with Nihil and vice versa!

Papas/Copia Parenting a Son

Papa Nihil:

~Well, it would definitely be vastly different from how he raised his current three if he had a fourth! Unfortunately, with his current brood he wasn’t the best father. Not by any means the absolute worst... just not the best at all.

~Nihil was a very inattentive parent who let the rest of the clergy raise his heirs. He was always sure that his sons didn’t need him the way normal children would. They had a lot more to learn than the average child, and would constantly need teaching only the ministry can provide. Not cuddles, or fishing trips, or bed time stories- or whatever it is that real dads do!

~Not to mention, during that time Nihil was off chasing pleasure as a Papa deserves. But it’s not like the boys didn’t have nannies, mentors, and ghouls to watch them! Nihil was content to occasionally visit his sons in their childhood with some gifts and asking about their growth. It’s all they needed right?

~When he sons were older and graduated seminary, that’s when he was usually more involved. “Mentoring” them in the ways of Papacy. His eldest didn’t need as much attention, as he was a natural progeny of the clergy... but his other two needed his guidence- even if they didn’t want it!

~With a fourth heir? He might be old, but he is attentive and present always! This is a new chance to succeed where his others have failed. Not to mention, a way to put the Cardinal in his place! Nihil will be the most annoying father and mentor the child has ever seen. Drilling into them how to be the best papa, son of Lucifer, and force the Clergy has ever seen!

Papa I:

~Takes to Fatherhood like a duck to water! Very few people know that Papa pretty much raised his two younger brothers from a young age. Being about ten years their senior, Papa stepped up when his own father was rarely present. So he already knows a thing or two about raising sons. Plus, Papa knows an heir of his own is an unblessing from Lucifer, and it’s not one he would ever take for granted.

~Papa is not one to be especially emotionally, but he is very caring to his son. Papa knows the importance of being emotionally available to your child, and will do his best to offer his support and love. It’s very odd to many to see the old, scary Papa help calm his crying son down during a bad day.

~Tries his best not to put crippling pressure on his son, but does have many expectations about how his son is taught as he gets older. To be a Papa, one must apply themselves above everyone else. You should always be expected to know as much of Lucifer’s teachings as possible. A Papa needs to be well educated,well rounded, articulate, passionate, and above all- versed in everything that is unholy.

~Despite being one of the most qualified to teach his son personally, Papa goes out of his way to make sure he’s not the only one around for his child. It takes a village to raise a child, isn’t that how the saying goes? Papa wants his son to meet others and learn from every willing teacher he can! That and, should his son be more sociable, make as many friends as possible.

~Determined to raise a great Papa and make Lucifer proud. But also raise a son that will feel loved and, in turn, spread that love to others through Lucifer’s light.

Papa II:

~Actually not that cold hearted bastard everyone thought he would be if he had a son. Because of his mix of wild, night escapades and bitterness many thought Papa would just be like his father. Indifferent, cold, and absolutely uncaring as to what happened to his spawn. But it couldn’t be farther from the truth.

~If it’s one thing Papa prides himself on it’s not being as idiotic as a man as he regards Nihil to be sometimes. True, he wouldn’t be the emotional or cuddly father type like Papa III or Copia. But he would care and he’d make effort to be in his son’s life. Even if the child was born from a prime mover he had no emotional connection with.

~Deep down he has always resented his father for treating him like a burden to be shipped away and then molded to the ministry’s liking. So he would never put his child through that, especially with them being a son and heir to the Emeritus bloodline. Of course he’d want the best education and teaching and luxury... but nothing like treating his own child as a pawn or puzzle piece.

~Very firm, has high expectations, but very fair to his son. Papa will raise his child to be strong, level headed, and dedicated to their Unholy Lord.All he wants is for his heir to not fall into the same despair he has thanks to the Clergy and it’s manipulative ways.

~To many, even his own son, he will sometimes come off as emotionless and uncaring... but truthfully, he’s always been that way. He’s just prickly. But he cares about his son and their well being. Papa will still praise them in his very subtle and almost cold way, and give them proper recognition when they earn it. But he’s also quick to correct them and help them improve. Seems like he’s too harsh in getting his child to succeed but it’s because he wants them to be their best and not settle for anything less.

Papa III:

~It actually depends on who is the one who mothers his child. Papa is not a cruel man, but he is very cautious on where his emotional investments will go. So if his son is born of someone he isn’t involved with, like a fling or a prime mover forced upon him by the clergy, he is more indifferent.

~That isn’t to say Papa would completely ignore his child. He wouldn’t want to be like his father (entirely). But a heir born to continue his bloodline is a ministry pushed endeavor, and he feels like he was just the breeding stud to get the next Emeritus. Honestly, he would be more afraid of being shut out of the child’s life if he interfered too much with the will of the Clergy.

~If this was a son born out of love or a prime mover he cares about, Papa is way more involved. Almost to an alarming degree by High Clergy standards. Granted, he’s not sure even how to be a father and it scares the all mighty Hell out of him! But he tries his best! He wants to be a better father than Nihil ever was.

~Makes it a point to be personally involved in raising his son, like a normal parent would be. He can’t always be there daily thanks to Papal duties, but damn it if he isn’t going to try! Papa knows how important it is to be active in his son’s life if he wants them to grow up feeling secure, loved, and emotionally stable. Truthfully, he always worries his child will grow up feeling abandoned or unloved like he did. As much as he loves himself, Papa doesn’t want a mini version of his emotional baggage walking around.

~Many were taken aback when Papa is so proud and boastful about his son! He likes to show his child off and talk about what a proud father he is. Will go on for hours about how he has the next great Papa under his wing, and how amazing his son is. Actually keeps pictures and documents all the big milestones. You can even find him playing or reading to the little one. Tries to be every bit of a “normal” dad as he can in this Clergy lifestyle.

Papa IV/Cardinal Copia:

~An almost comical mixture of excited new father and hovering mentor figure. On one hand he was an Orphan of a child, and wants his son to be raised with the love and guidance Copia never received as a boy. On the other, he wants his son to be thick skinned and ready for all the challenges of being the first heir to a new bloodline!

~When his child is smaller he doesn’t want them to be too overwhelmed with being raised as the next future Papa. He wants them to have a good childhood with many happy memories and not too much pressure. At the same time, when his son is older he will press harder for him to study and to take his legacy seriously. Copia often worries he’s either pushing too hard or not hard enough for his son to achieve papacy!

~Personally wants to mentor his son as much as he can. Copia had to learn a LOT and fought very hard to become the next Father of a bloodline. So Copia always had to know more than everyone, be smarter than everyone, work harder than everyone, AND be more alert than everyone. All traits and values he pushes onto his child.

~Copia does have such a soft spot for his son, as he just wants his son to be happy in the end. So he may or may not let the boy get away with some things, depending on what it is! Copia is weird in that way where he would gladly sneak his son extra dessert when his child knows he can’t have anymore... yet he would turn around and scold his son for not finishing his homework in a timely manner.

~Despite his power and knowledge, Copia can still be the embarrassing dad. Making crappy dad jokes that embarrass his son. Accidentally ‘ruining’ dates, not even realizing his teenager was in the middle of flirting. Or Hell, even showing off the various giant portraits he had painted of his heir. All in the life of a #1 Satanic Dad!

#the band ghost #ghost bc #ghost headcanons #papa nihil #papa emeritus i #Papa Emeritus II #papa emeritus iii #papa emeritus iv #cardinal copia

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