#i mean the implication is that his childhood was so normal that its not worth mentioning

[centrally-unplanned]

Just finished The Coffin of Andy and Leyley - at least the two episodes we have so far! A very fun game, I definitely recommend it. The thoughts, spoilers everything:

-- The tone of the game is extremely on point, Andrew & Ashley have such a great trauma-criminal dynamic that never strays too far from being cute first, awful second. Look at these babies! Of course that is the blood of their parents they just murdered for a satanic ritual and/or petty cash, what else would it be?

-- The game nails a pretty niche fetish of mine - no, not the incest part, no judgement but I could do without that just fine. Instead its the weaponization of sex (and other forms of intimacy) to manipulate and break down someone's resistance to your demands:

But, while no shade thrown at the classic controlling doms out there, Ashley wins by being a complete mess and possessing minimal intentionality around her emotional blackmail. Her toxic codependency on Andrew controls her and, as inevitable as the tide, forces her to periodically hurt & degrade him, then compensate via affection bombs & demands. She thrives on his weaknesses such as trauma-nightmares & anxiety as they are places she can slot herself into his pysche as load-bearing support, and sex is set up as another part of that web. Its that lack of control that makes her so attractive - the vast emotional void she is hoping her manipulations will fill is a funhouse mirror version of the physical need intimacy can fulfill.

I will note she is a slightly different from the "Mamimi" (from FLCL) archetype - for the Mamimi, sex is deontological, it is what she needs to cope with her damage. For Ashley it's instrumental, and could be swapped out for another tactic as quick as an outfit change if doing so got her what she really wanted.

Probably also worth mentioning that this isn't an eroge; this dynamic is primarily implication and subtext, becoming text only rarely. Don't want to mislead anyone there.

-- Another standout point is that Andrew himself is *not* the typical wishy-washy boytoy target of his bae's emotional machinations, but instead exactly as toxically codependent as Ashley is, just expressed differently. He thrives on her sense of need and the comfortability of the dyad role her vision for their lives creates for him. What makes him a fun contrast is that he has a "normal" half of his brain that recognizes all of this as fucked up and wants to quit, which often pretends he is being blackmailed by duty or circumstances, but that isn't really true. Where the game excels is that it has multiple routes - neither of which have notably different plot events, but where the different factions of Andrew's brain win out or fade away. Is very tight marriage of narrative and themes.

-- Its also good to add that the incest concept is somewhat foundational. I am not an incest person but I have been on the internet, I am familiar enough with its semiotics, and the "mutual, similar-age, unhealthy codependency" subgenre of relationships when its not incest always struggles with a bit of a believability issue.

So narratives are generally about arcs, sex is about build-up, and that combination means you want to portray the moment a relationship forms, tips into romance, right? And your subjects of choice are two people who constantly cling to each other, destroy outsiders who could challenge their attention monopoly, and psychologically scar each other in order to foster emotional addiction. And they are ~20 yeas old.

Why aren't they fucking already?? They obviously should be fucking. If these were childhood friends, they would be fucking, for years now, easy. You can say they just haven't gotten there yet but that changes the characters, makes them naïve and innocent, that is a narrative constraint you might not want. But if they are siblings...well then there ya go. That is a socially-ironclad excuse for how they got so emotionally close without romantic intimacy, and a reason for them not to cross the threshold (until your plot events make them ofc). Its a fetish that makes your storytelling efficient, not just something that works on the fetish level directly.

(Btw Andrew is not a doormat; that is a lie he tells himself)

-- The Coffin of Andy and Leyley is a classic RPG Maker indie project, and it used its gameplay conventions well. Its essentially a visual novel with RPG exploration elements that offered small puzzles as you traverse from plot point to plot point. They create immersion while rarely being too difficult and dragging down the pacing - it knows they aren't here to intellectually challenge you, but to make the world feel lived. And sometimes - most often in Ashley & Andrew's dreams - the light puzzle elements are very deeply woven into the plot & themes, used for making narrative choices & reinforcing emotional beats. They rarely overstay their welcome, which is refreshing. Its not uncommon for a game to get into trying to "gamify" what should just be a visual novel, and while not perfect Coffin doesn't fall into that trap.

Additionally the creator definitely likes Undertale, and the dream sequences remind me of Flesh, Blood, & Concrete in their colors & abstraction. Good times!

-- It is extremely amusing to google this game for like ending guides or w/e and to be bombarded with the "controversy" of its incest plotline. A: The main duo murder their parents and nonchalantly make a meal of their bodies out of sheer habit, way to not have your eye on the prize. And B: my brother in Christ you clicked on the Incest Game. Why are you on Pornhub complaining about porn??

#the coffin of andy and leyley #mini essay

[daenystheedreamer]

pls more abt viserys Omaegorverse I'm so fascinated it's insane and i honestly think grrm would b proud

im so happy u love it and this means so much but i do NOT think he would be proud 😭 he would read my posts (gun to his head ofc he wouldnt just. do that.) and sit in silence for a few minutes and then he would say. Maegor isnt gay what are you talking about. and i go well thats not really the point and anyway sexuality is kinda fluid and its more about opportunity and power than about sexual attraction although i will concede- and then he sends elio and linda with spears to hunt me down.

he's canonically a nothing character with personality of 'Beloved Of The Commons' n nothing else so i can kinda do whatever tf i want with him which is fun. he's also mostly there to be a sad wet cat that gets kicked by everyone and everyone he loves dies or is weird about him in some way. he's my special little sad uke twink i brutalise for my personal entertainment <3 im so maegorcoded so tyannacoded... anyway more about my babyboy viserys below<3 warning its SOOO long like fifteen fucking paragraphs Jesus christ

trigger warnings for like everything. incest death depression mental instability murder psychosis uhhh. torture and suicide. just all of it do NOT read unless youre like super certain you wanna read about my deviantart OCs because guys it is NOT worth it

childhood pre-Torture Labyrinth. he's born in 29 AC and was 8-ish when he was at the deathbed of Aegon1. aegon the uncrowned is three years older than him, and rhaena is six years older. jaehaerys is 5 years younger, alysanne is 7 years younger vaella who i kept alive is 10 years younger. just to give an idea of ages and general canon info :>

his only personality trait is Promising and Beloved of the commons. i think him and aegon were friends :) younger brother so he followed after him a lot. slightly scared of rhaena the big cool older sister who has a pet dragon. think his granddad is soooo cool doesnt really think about The Implications of conquest or anything. normal boy normal childhood (as normal as possible when ur siblings are married...) also he is gay because it adds to the horrors later on 🥰

something i think is Inchresting is the rhaena, aegon and viserys are named for rhaenys, aegon and visenya :3 i think viserys is like hercules right where he was named in an attempt to appease The Wife. aenys was like hiiiii auntie/stepmum visenya look i named a kid after you you dont wanna kill me right?right? and she looks at this kid who didnt claim a dragon isnt a girl isnt maegor and goes oh so youre insulting me huh.

i think rhaena aegon viserys had a slightly weird dynamic. rhaena the lesbian getting forcibly betrothed to her younger brother by her father is gonna make things weird, also aegon was 15 and rhaena 18 which adds just the best most awesome sauce to the mix. i think viserys had very complicated feelings on that especially if he is gay cos like... rhaena obviously does not love her brother romantically right. so u are a boy and ur sister is a lesbian but you dont have that word. and you are gay and your brother is cool and the crown prince and everyone is screwing their siblings and that makes your brain chemistry weird. and now your brother is marrying your gay sister. What about you. the dragon has three heads??? idk he's like 12 at this point he just goes back to playing hide and seek with jae+aly.

Uh oh daddy's dead. daddy's dead and uncle maegor is king now with his three wives. Uh oh. oh awesome he's kidnapped you and you're his squire now that's so cool. well its mostly a power play and hes not actually making u do anything as long as you stay locked in the red keep all day he leaves you alone. also maegor's insane girlfriend stares at you like you're a baby lamb that would make a delicious lamb tostada. but hey your big brother aegon has a dragon now and him and rhaena are gonna save you soon. Uh oh aegon's dead. aegon's dead and maegor is king for real for real.

everyone steers clear of you in the keep. you used to play with your siblings and the commoners and you used to play on dragonstone and kings landing and now no one wants to touch you. no one is calling you maegor's squire now, the pretence is gone. you are maegor's hostage. you fantasise about a different outcome, where maegor took you to the battle as his squire, and that you being there might have changed what happened. maybe you could have warned aegon. but you know nothing would have changed. youre not a dragonrider. you're worthless you're powerless. youre 14 years old :)

alys harroway is dead. maegor killed his wife. you knew alys, you saw her around the keep. she seemed very nice. she was very quiet and stayed in her rooms. she was always pregnant. you wonder why she married maegor, why she and tyanna are so strange with each other. you hear rumours. you wish you had talked to her. but she's dead now. maegor killed her. maegor tortured her. she's a whore now. you look out the window and see her rotting leg on a stake outside, her torso on another. you wish you had talked to her.

visenya targaryen the looming shadow over your life, the woman you're named after who looked at you with nothing but scorn, is dead. your mother is gone and she took jae and aly. what about you? what about you? is she not your mother too? are you not her little boy anymore? you are 15 years old. maegor killed alys' family when he was angry with her. is he going to kill you now?

ok second person pov over the gimmick is getting lame. anyway this is where the AU deviates: instead of viserys dying of torture, maegor is like hey maybe my nephew will be more fertile than my BITCH wives. and visenya the blood witch before her death compiled a bunch of old valyrian a/b/o fanfiction and said son if you ever find yourself with infertile wives. Consult These Texts. then tyanna and maegor made viserys mpreggable i dont care about how or like. what his body looks like. im not into the fetish of omegaverse LMAO i dont want to think about the fertilisation or birthing process or what organs he has thats unnecessary. only thing thats important is viserys can incubate babies and they are birthed via c-section :3

quick lore dump: vis is forced to maegor -> rhaena crashes the wedding but vis is so broken at this point he just doesnt want anyone else to die and has resigned himself to maegor so rhaena reluctantly surrenders -> alyssa jae and aly DO go to the red keep after they find out about the wedding and jae dies fighting maegor which makes viserys fully break -> alyssa now has husband dead 2 kids dead her son is queen and she also loses her fight :( lives on dragonstone with alive vaella -> alysanne is given to the faith -> rhaena agrees to a truce and she is hand of the king now and viserys' main protector -> vis gets pregnant and the kid is basically a reincarnation of jaehaerys -> tyanna loses her shit and tries to murder/sterilise/whatever viserys so maegor kills her cos he's finally got his babymaker -> vis has a daughter who's the reincarnation of tyanna -> faith uprising, shut down -> vis has his second daughter final child daenys who's birth is heralded by the martyrdom of poxy jeyne poor in the quashed faith uprising

vis is in the torture labyrinth for a couple decades. life sucks husband sucks everyone is weird about him. very death in venice people are weird about the boy type deal. has to wade through gender and sexuality politics of westeros which means several men going utterly insane about him including a couple kingsguard knights (celibate hypermasculine freaks bound to be insane sexually). one point early-ish on he DOES start believing this one kingsguard knight will save him from The Hells The Horrors but maegor finds out and kills that guy adn sexually humiliates viserys in front of the kingsguard and makes their son watch. So that fucks up vis' psyche for a while :3

rhaena and alysanne try to convince him to rebel and run away that they will use their dragons and fight. but maegor has made vis so paranoid and crazy he thinks maegor knows everything knows all his thoughts so he's terrified of plotting escape cos he thinks maegor will kill everyone. plus maegor made sure to force kids onto him early so that vis wouldnt be able to leave :3 world's most evil babytrap of all time.

vis doesnt interact with anyone except rhaena aly maegor his kids and the kingsguard so yeah its bad for him. ceryse hangs around for a while but shes like yeah i dont want any part of this shit dude being queen is NAWT worth it and she goes back to the hightower to plot marrying her niece off to maegor's son.

also there's a curse on the kingsguard all of them die really horribly and early. its a fun little thing for me personally because in f&b maegor's kinsguard is cartoonishly bad and jae's is cartoonishly perfect so i though Hey what if we did a little curse on the kingsguard ey. that would be fun. the only guy who stays long is a bracken because brackenfail cancels out knightfail. he's all godly and pissy about the gay marriage thing but he's also a monarchist so even though he think maegor is satan he's like well. he is my king i must serve him i obey my vows. he thinks viserys is a freak of nature but slowly grows to respect him and helps kill maegor + takes the fall for it. they have a weird father figure/white knight/weird tension thing that never gets consummated yay ^_^ the maegor torture labyrinth will have you 21 years old and best friends with a 50 year old celibate knight like dang where tf ser bracken at today 🥹

viserys snaps in 66AC with no like big catalyst or anything. he just has a good day where he's mostly lucid and he's angry and he's tired of everything and he's sick of maegor and he wants freedom he wants to be free. he wants to breath the air without panicking that maegor is going to hurt him. and maegor says some disgusting comment to him while theyre alone in the throne room and vis just snaps and start fighting him. daenys shows up cos she had her own Visions and Voices and they just start whaling on him. bracken knight helps too he takes most of maegor's counter attacks his organs are all over the floor but maegor dies impaled on the throne YAY

vis is like. A bit better for a while. his son is now king and vis is seeing that oh it doesnt get better does it people will still die. also his son jae has this weird oedipus complex about him thanks to maegor's insane parenting and viserys is fully aware of that so its not fun times for him. jae and daenys try to make him better try to invent therapy but its the middle ages they dont have that yet. they finally send him off to harrenhal (BAD IDEA) because they think viserra (the elder daughter btw, the tyanna one) might be able to cure him with her weird witchcraft. they think she's insane too but its the last option... viserra thinks vis is lame and weak but she does love him in ehr own way or maybe just pities him. anyway she does her best and it works for a while but viserys sorta gives up cos the depression is too much. and viserra believes in euthanasia as a mercy and thinks this is best for him this will let him be at peace. daenys has a premonition about it and tries to stop him. she has a big blowout fight with jae about it too and curses his bloodline and prophesises the long night. burned the red keep a little bit, you know how it is.

blah blah blah anyway daenys and vis end up dying in the gods eye together in a murder/suicide suicide/suicide murder/murder whatever. viserra has the lake dragged and they're found holding each other like a mother and her fetus :3

Fucks sake this post is long. holy shit holy fuck. my fucking bad guys my bad im so sorry. Holy shit. anyway thats my deviant art oc tee hee ^_^

#ive never read a little life but i suspect i have somewhat cribbed it. my bad guys brutalising a fictional gayboy is just so fun #au:omaegorverse #you guys have GOT to blacklist that tag if u dont wanna lose any respect you have for me. it is So embarrassing im sorry to be lke this 😭 #ask #anonymous #oc:viserystargaryen

[system-of-a-feather]

I’m still thinking about Moon Knight Episode 5 cause it really hit home and like... really got me thinking on a few things that have just been circling in my head trying to be digested but really struggling since I don’t have much access to a lot of our actual childhood shit, but I think one of the things that really got my brain stuck is that I think I really really resonate with Steven (and by think, I obviously do, innocent fictive host and shit) and I think a large part of Episode 5 really had me hearing Marc and like... having that be shit I really never heard properly from my system and probably needed to hear but never got to because admitting a lot of that would put the whole “point” of me in jeopardy if I wasn’t so much ready to deal with the implications and meta knowledge.

With recent trauma processing and system work, we’ve - or rather I guess I since I’m sure a large number of other parts already knew this- realized we are not a system of functional parts with a few hurting, disordered, and messed up parts, but that we are a very disordered, very hurt, very fucked up and messed up parts, with like.... two functioning parts. And I don’t mean functioning as in “are actually worth anything” but as in “is relatively good at integrating into society, looking only moderately mentally ill, having a life, having goals, and being decent at living and having enough positive affect and vision to keep a healthy positive ending in mind.”

Save for me and Lucille - and maybe Eva and Ray but they’re on the fence - no one else in this system really has much room for positive affect and interactions with the real world. Everyone else is considerably jaded about the world, stuck in trauma-mindset, jaded about themselves, and/or has abandoned “reality / the world” to live internally because they have given up on existence. 

And you know “that’s the whole point of you” is really rough to think about until you really do kind of think about how literally, it is a very large and important purpose to have. Sure you aren’t killing monsters and dealing with the “hard reality” of the abuse, but you are sitting out there protecting a sense of hope, future, happiness and humanity so that when survival is over, you can actually have a chance of living again. Being able to remain “innocent” and unmarred by the trauma and reality of what has happened, has allowed us to maintain a drive to still be alive and to value ourselves and others in the world despite all that we have gone through.

I’m a dumb idiot that doesn’t know half of the reality of what we’ve been through, but I’m also one of the only ones here who can see the world without the blood-tainted lenses that trauma has given everyone else and actually give the system something to work for and an idealistic image of what could be. I am not rooted in “our reality” and “our truth” but I am rooted closer to what the world actually is and believing a lot more that things can and should be better for us because what happened to us was an unfortunate unlucky situation that we didn’t deserve, and that there is a chance that our luck could turn around and we could be like others.

Since Moon Knight started, I’ve been of the theory and idea that Steven exists and acts as the life Marc wishes he could have and could lead - having a normal job (even if its a shitty minimum wage) and to build relationships and to have the joy be coming home to a handicapped fish - and I still stand by it. That’s a life Marc can’t make for himself because of his PTSD symptoms and his self hate and his overall fear and hypervigilance, but Steven - Steven who managed to remain primarily unaware of the trauma that has happened is still capable to lead that life for them.

Steven could start and build a happier life that they always wanted because he isn’t aware of their bleeding and damage. He can get help, create something they need to get them somewhere better, by just not knowing how badly hurt they are.

There’s a massive strength, and a massive importance in being an “innocent fluff ball” and still having goodness and hope despite horrible things having happened. Steven’s not an uwu baby, he’s just a guy living as “a guy” when his life and history has dictated that he should be “broken”.

Anyways, I’m just rambling and arguably (probably) projecting, but this episode has lived rent free in my head on repeat for like 50-60 hours and I have thoughts.

#alter: riku #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #moon knight #moon knight tw #mk #mk tw #marc spector #steven grant

[sugarglider-s]

Why are we here? Just to suffer? Every day I think about the fact that Phoenix Wright has no backstory

#he once said he was ‘raised in a barn’ but that was probably a joke in context #plus its a common phrase so like... #AND IM NOT TALKING ABOUT 3-1/COLLEGE FEENIE AND THE CLASS TRIAL #like sure #thats sort of backstory #but other then that we know NOTHING OF THIS MANS CHILDHOOD #FROM AGES 1-20 THIS MAN IS UNKNOWABLE #i mean the implication is that his childhood was so normal that its not worth mentioning #but at the same time... he never ONCE mentions family members (other then the fact he was an only child? #buts that more eliminating potential relatives) #like he said he tipped cows which lends itself to the barn thing being correct #but then like #theres also the fact that hes never (even passively) mentioned a family member... #and its like. he couldve been disowned or he just rejects his biological fam #which is p plausible considering the size of his found family #and it could be kind of a lesson in saying that your family is not defined by blood and you have no obligation to interact with those people #anyway i just have Feelings #ace attorney #aa #phoenix wright

[princesssarcastia]

2021 Harry Potter Fanfic Primer

im here to point fingers at the incredible authors that have enabled my new interest in HP content.  im still conflicted and upset about it, tbh, but for now we’re leaning into the curve.  we’re getting out our shovel and finding out just how deep we can make the hole we’re in.  hand in unlovable hand my beloved <3.  anyway, these fics are wonderful, their authors are wonderful, and you should go read their stuff. if there’s a star next to it that means im losing my mind over it and always will be.

Creatively Maladjusted, by elumish on AO3, 101k  (they also have a wonderful writing advice blog on tumblr, @elumish, which I recommend following if you are a writer) 

A very excellent re-telling of harry’s first year at hogwarts if he were sorted into Slytherin, plus some more not!fic or piecemeal re-tellings of his second and part of his third year.  Harry, in this, has a slightly different trauma response to growing up with the Dursley’s.  He’s a bit quieter, and the signs are a bit more obvious to the people around him, and I enjoyed that immensely. 

Honestly, if you’re going to get sucked into something you have absolutely no business getting sucked into, elumish is the way to go, their fic is incredible. their teen wolf fic is also immaculate, if you’re so inclined. 

Dissonance, by ImpishTubist on AO3, 2.5k (@impishtubist on tumblr)

Set during fifth year.  Oblivious!Harry has always been a delightful trope when well executed, and this is well executed.  Plus, some angst between Remus and Harry over what Umbridge has been doing to him.

I would certainly recommend a lot of ImpishTubist’s other hp work on AO3, like Lacuna.

blow us all away, by rexcorvidae on AO3, 23k (@rexcorvidae on tumblr)

In progress (like, updated last week in progress).  Currently in the beginning of Harry’s first year.  Fem!Harry, Indian!Harry.  Hagrid puts Harry in touch with Remus when she has questions about her parents, and they become reluctant, traumatized, angst-ridden pen pals who keep missing each other’s true intentions like ships in the night.  hot DAMN do I love this fic.  there’s hints of the way the dursley’s treat Harry peaking through in her letters, and I appreciated the attention to “hmm, her experience as a girl of indian descent in britain under the thumb of a bunch of white people who like being Normal may not have been gucci”

Definitely comb through the rest of their HP fic, too, I may or may not have gone feral over it.

Where the Heart is, by silver_fish on AO3, 15k (@kohakhearts on tumblr)

Woof.  This one said, “hey, harry was probably SUPER depressed in the summer after fifth year.  like, clinically.  maybe someone should do something about that.”  Fuck yeah.  Then this one said, “that someone was Snape.”  You all know my opinions on Snape; generally, Bad.  But damn if this fic didn’t wholly convince me by the end of it.  I thought it was a very realistic way for Snape to start seeing Harry as a person all on his own, and not a proxy for Snape’s angst over James and Lily, respectively.  The angst is wonderful, the ending is even more so.

*bernie sanders voice* I am once again asking you to read through the rest of the author’s HP fic.  a lot of them have similar themes; there’s actually a great one with Molly that i’m not reccing here, Wonder.

☆Bindings, Bindings, by Quietlemonhush on AO3, 60k (@quietlemonhush on tumblr)

WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS TO YOU HOW MUCH I ENJOYED/AM ENJOYING THIS.  If I had to pick a single fic and say “you, it’s your fault I’m stuck here,” it would be this one.  Anyway Lily in the afterlife is So Very Angry about how Petunia is treating Harry, and how Sirius is rotting in Azkaban, and how Remus is alone, that she literally brings herself back to life and drags James and Regulus with her.  All three of them are there to chew bubblegum and fix everything that went wrong after they died—and would you look at that, they’re all out of bubblegum!  There’s only Fury left.  That inciting premise is very crack, but every moment after that is very much not crack.  Lily and James love harry more than anything, the way a child should be loved; James and Sirius have the epic friendship of a lifetime; Sirius and Remus have staggering amounts of resolved sexual tension and take turns keeping each other in check; Regulus, though he realized that Voldemort and his family were shit before he died, is still unlearning all his racist bullshit and, also, years of trauma.  Actually, they’re all traumatized, but hey: now they have one another again and not a damn one of them seems inclined to let go anytime soon.  Quietlemonhush went, “hey, HP has a lot of Awful people in it, and a lot of Righteous people in it, and many of them are Very, Very Powerful; also, love is the most powerful force in the universe” and i said “hell yes tell me more right now.”  And then they did!

Quietlemonhush writes Sirius/Remus in a way that makes it sooo much fun to devour, so the rest of their HP fic is most certainly worth a look, if that’s your thing.

Rebuilding, by Colubrina on AO3, 113k (@colubrina on tumblr)

Hermione/Draco (*shrug emojis into the abyss* yeah, yeah, like none of us have ever been there before).  Takes place during Hogwarts 8th year, and while the beginning is, IMO, a little unfair to Ron, it gets much better.  Tells the story of Hermione and Draco clearing the air, learning to like each other, having some hormones over each other, and then falling in love.  Also tells the story of Hermione and Theo Nott becoming friends; the story of how every single 7th and 8th year student is fucked to hell by the war and the Carrows; the story of how they start an emotional support group about it and all become friends; and the story of, what the hell do you do with yourself after that kind of trauma?

I’ve been dipping in and out of Colubrina’s HP since before I was even on tumblr; I actually found them in those dark yesteryears when the only fandom interactions I had were on fanfiction.net.  Of such fame as Green Girl, which is an HP fic staple, and has also written a lot of wackier, crackier, and darker things than that.  If you don’t take yourself too seriously, I highly recommend many of their big HP works, though I imagine it’ll press some people’s buttons.  Colubrina’s work really does take up a corner of my mind whenever I’m in an HP mood, and will take up yours if you let it.

☆ all waiting is long, by shuofthewind on AO3, 149k ( @shu-of-the-wind on tumblr)

This is so well written that I can’t stop thinking about it.  It is occupying my mind when I lie awake at night, you know?  It’s one of those.  Hermione messes with something she probably shouldn’t have in Grimmauld Place, so when Sirius is sent through the Veil in the Department of Mysteries, she gets thrust into an alternate universe...in 1975.  Instead of handwaving it away, shuofthewind actually gets into the mechanics of it in a way that makes sense, to emphasize that hermione is never going home.  ever. The world she finds herself is shifted slightly to the left, quite a bit darker, but in a “the author is treating the idea of a society-wide conflict over blood purity much more seriously than JKR ever did” way, not a sensationalist way.  Now, Hermione has to grapple with all her grief at losing everyone she’s ever loved or known, the moral/ethical/magical implications of sharing what she knows about her future in an alternate world, and, you know, a goddamn war with people who want to murder her for being who she is.  This Hermione is smart, and she’s kind, and she’s powerful, and she’s making real friends.  If you hate JKR’s guts I’d go read this right now, because it delivers in all the ways she failed us.  It’s plotty, its got great world-building, and it pulls back the white curtain on the wizarding world to show you that, like real life, it’s multicultural and full of queer people...and the discrimination that comes with both.

shuofthewind write epics, mainly for the MCU, and I’ve read some of them a looooong time ago, so this fic kinda seemed out of left field for me but im SOOOO GLAD it exists.  If you want MCU fic you can sink your teeth into, go for it, but alas, they do not have any more HP fic (.......yet?)

Speak Now [+] Listen Now, by mrsfrizzle on AO3, 33k altogether

Harry reaches out to Remus for support because Umbridge is getting to him with her literal torture.  Remus, being a former professor, former mandatory reporter, person who loves Harry and has since he was born, and all around good man, tells Harry he has to tell someone, or Remus will.  It’s everything any adult looking back on that time in HP canon ever wanted, which is for an actual adult to say “what the fuck, those are literal chidlren” and then do something about it.  Then, a far more dangerous task: Harry trusts Remus enough to go to him about the Dursleys.  Harry and Remus’ relationship develops SO WELL, and there’s a bit of exploration about how Sirius may not exactly be guardian material, because he did in fact spend 12 years of his life getting tortured instead of growing up.  I think I’m actually going to go reread this right now, because it speaks to my id.

they do have some other HP fic which did not appeal to my hyperspecific wants, but may appeal to some of yours.  I think they’re also a published author, there should be a link on their profile page.

chase the stars, by Duskglass on AO3, 101k (@felix-duskglass on tumblr)

When Harry is five years old, a picture of him ends up in the Daily Prophet, and Sirius Black, Terror of Ministry Officials Touring Azkaban everywhere, gets a hold of that issue.  He then, in order: breaks out of Azkaban; crosses the countryside to Surrey; Finds Harry: Kidnaps Harry; Breaks Into Remus’ Apartment; starts processing (or maybe just acknowledging) his trauma from Azkaban, the war, and his childhood; and pines after Remus.  It’s a little plotty, and deals a lot (sometimes through flashbacks) with the specific awful things that happened to Sirius—largely because, after years in the constant presence of Dementors, those are nearly literally the only memories he has left.  It’s a wonder he’s got the strength to love Harry and Remus at all.  But then, maybe it isn’t.

This is a Very Serious Fic, but the rest of Duskglass’s HP work is actually just cracky enough to tickle your funny-bone, while still making you think “okay but why couldn’t we have done that in the first place.”

So!  That’s it for recs, for now.  These are all things I’ve found and read in the last month; if any of y’all are interested in my old HP recs, let me know and I can make a post for that, too.  While I’m still very conflicted about my choice of current fandom, I am not in ANY way conflicted about my taste in fic and authors.  Send these guys some love, read their fic if you’re so inclined, and leave some nice comments at the end of it.

#harry potter #hp #fic recs #hp fic #to the authors: if for some reason you don't want to be on this list #let me know and i'll be happy to take your part down #tho i'm hoping you're fine with it because i want other people to read this stuff #and then cry about it with me #harry potter fic #harry potter fic recs

[unwhitewashthebadbatch]

Disney Email Draft 2

(going under a cut because it's much longer. Here is the Google Doc link for anyone who would like to comment directly)

Reminder that we are encouraging critiques and comments regarding this email!

To Bob Iger, Kathleen Kennedy, Dave Filoni, Jennifer Corbett, and the creative team of Star Wars: The Bad Batch:

We hope this email finds you all well. We are fans of color, disabled fans, neurodivergent fans, and Jewish fans writing out of concern for the portrayal of our communities in the Disney+ series Star Wars: The Bad Batch. For several months now, we have been campaigning on social media to spread awareness about these concerns through #UnwhitewashTBB, a movement we began to raise awareness about the ways in which the series has poorly represented several minoritized groups of people.

Just like the creators of Star Wars: The Bad Batch, all of the creators of #UnwhitewashTBB grew up with Star Wars as the backbones of their childhoods, and for many of us, Star Wars: The Clone Wars was crucial to our development as artists, writers, creators, and lifelong Star Wars fans. We are all firm believers in the phrase “Star Wars is for everyone”, and we would like to see Disney support that message by hearing our plea.

As fans of color, as disabled fans, as neurodivergent fans, and as Jewish fans, we’ve seen ourselves on screen in both good and bad ways, but recently it has been more the latter than the former. One such reason is Star Wars: The Bad Batch, a show whose premise piqued many fans’ interest, but whose main cast has left an increasingly sour taste in the mouths of those who watched.

The series follows an elite squad of clone troopers who have named themselves The Bad Batch, due in part to their series of mutations that gives them an edge over regular clones on the battlefield. These mutations drastically altered the appearance of each of the members to a generally lighter, more Caucasian appearance--one that is inconsistent with how the original Jango Fett actor Temuera Morisson looks. Fans take issue with the implications in the writing and design of The Bad Batch: that in order to be elite, special, and better than one’s contemporaries--in order to have a story worth telling--one must also be white or as close as possible.

Merriam-Webster defines whitewashing as “to alter (something) in a way that favors, features, or caters to white people: such as to alter (an original story) by casting a white performer in a role based on a nonwhite person or fictional character” The #UnwhitewashTBB movement comes with two carrds explaining the grievances of the fans. A summary for each character is given below:

Sergeant Hunter, the leader, closely resembles Sylvester Stallone’s Rambo character, despite being a clone of a man of color. The importance of his character, the fatherliness he has with Omega, and his centrality to both their Season 7 appearance in The Clone Wars and the series itself sends the message that important people look

Wrecker is the demolitions expert, and he’s the only member of The Bad Batch with features similar to that of a Maori man’s, like Temuera Morrison/Jango Fett. He’s large with broad features, brown skin, and is a stereotype of men of color. His personality as first introduced to the audience was that of a loud, aggressive, impatient, slow man who called frequently for violence/destruction. He falls into the “Loveable Brute” trope, an observation that is supported by statements from supervising director Brad Rau and voice actor Dee Bradely Baker that Wrecker is like a little boy and has a heart of gold.

Crosshair is the sniper on the team, and he’s the most derisive of the “regs”--the regular clone troopers. Taken in conjunction with his appearance (inspired by Clint Eastwood), the various messages being sent by the writing and appearance of the other team members, and his comment about the regular troopers--the he and the Batch are superior and thus should join the Empire--his character pushes forth a message that there is superiority inherent in whitened or fully white features.

Tech, the technology specialist, has incredibly light skin and hair compared to the regular clones. His mutation made him a genius, with an IQ that outpaces that of any other clone in the Republic. Fans of color are upset that Tech’s genius mutation apparently also affected his skin color, as now this creates a direct link between intelligence and appearance/race. Contrast Tech with Wrecker, who is the exact opposite in every way, and this harm becomes only more apparent. In addition to this, many Autistic fans of The Bad Batch have noted that Tech, being “on the spectrum” (according to Dee Bradley Baker) is a popular stereotype of Autistic people: a nerdy-looking white man with a formal way of speaking who’s a genius but dismissive of others’ feelings. Baker also plays Tech with a British accent, further cementing the harmful message that intelligence is in some way connected to ethnicity.

Omega is the newest member of The Bad Batch. Despite being a pure Jango clone, she’s come out looking nothing like Boba Fett--she has lighter skin than he does, as well as blonde hair. Fans are concerned about the connection between genetic purity and light skin/blonde hair, as this is directly harmful to the people of color who don’t sport those features.

Echo is the ARC Trooper of the team, but many fans--disabled fans especially--fear that his series of disabilities have reduced him to the “droid sidekick”. Echo does not have a prosthetic, instead sporting a scomp-arm attachment that allows him to plug into computers but would otherwise hinder him greatly in daily tasks. He rarely is the focus of an episode, and the series has not given him as much attention as it has given characters like Hunter and Omega. Disabled fans worry about the lack of attention given to his medical trauma, and fans of color note that his skin color goes beyond what a brown man who’s been without sunlight for a few months would look like.

The issues do not stop here. Asian fans noticed and were harmed by a Tiananmen Square parallel in 1x10, “Common Ground”--a recreation that was led by an Eastern Asian-coded woman. Jewish fans are hurt by the antisemitic stereotype in Cid the broker, a greedy lizard woman who speaks with an accent commonly associated with New York Jews--and who is played by Jewish actress Rhea Perlman. Black fans were harmed by the whitewashing in Saw Gererra and the one other Black character in The Bad Batch being a Black woman who works for the Empire and burns civilians alive.

The full analyses can be found in the official #UnwhitewashTBB carrd: unwhitewashthebadbatch.carrd.co. We respectfully ask that you read this carrd and give a public statement in response to these criticisms.

Our movement has only gained traction since its inception on March 30th, 2021. A few months later, we wrote and released an open letter on Change.org to be signed by supporters of #UnwhitewashTBB, and every day it gains new signatures and draws nearer to the next milestone. A survey we released over a month ago has received over 1,100 responses and also continues to climb. The latter displays a range of opinions regarding The Bad Batch, but one sentiment stands out: Hunter, Crosshair, Tech, Wrecker, Omega, and Echo are written in stereotypical and actively harmful ways. Respondents were shocked at outdated portrayals of Autism, sickened by antisemitic stereotypes, and confused at how, in this current social and political climate, a family-friendly corporation like Disney could greenlight a series that sends a message that is the complete opposite of “Star Wars is for Everyone”. Some sample responses are below:

“I would just like to elaborate on the ableism aspect. As a amputee myself, I don’t like how Echo’s trauma has been ignored. The whole reason he is with the BB is because of what he went through. Losing one limb, never mind multiple, it’s extremely difficult. They made it seem like just because his prosthetic can be of use on missions, that means he isn’t grieving the loss of his actual hand. There is no healing or evolution. It also feels wrong to only address the fact that echo uses prosthetics for the sake of hacking into machinery. Prosthetics are so personal and become a real part of who you are as a person.” - Respondent 130

“...I can't believe Star Wars is still doing this, and that an entire team of animators with a huge budget can't get skin tone right. I didn't even know the clones were supposed to have a NZ Māori accent until a friend told me. That's a big deal, since I live in NZ and hear it every day…” - Respondent 209

“As someone who is neurodivergent myself, Tech and Wrecker just. sting, you know? in a “is that really what you think of us” kind of way. I grew up in an environment where intersectional equality was heavily discussed, and I can still miss things. Having Jewish friends does not mean that Cid’s antisemitic implications can’t go right over my head until someone points them out (thank you).” - Respondent 87

“As a fan of color, its irritating and painful to watch and be brushed off as "lighting issues" and see justifications made by white fans and producers...It also feels very bad to me that TCW spent 7 seasons with several arcs emphasizing that the clones were all as individual as a 'normal' person, but then undo all that with TBB, which centers a group of "special" clones (who are suspiciously white) and have them treat the "regs" as a homogeneous group who are lesser than them, and then expect us to find it within ourselves to put that aside to enjoy the MCs. The way the treat "regs" is very offputting and it made me dislike them since their introduction...Star Wars is no stranger to racist and antisemitic media, but I must say, the blantancy of Sid, a greedy lizard who essentially financially enslaves the protaganists, being Jewish-coded and being protrayed by a Jewish voice actress is really next-level even for Star Wars. As a Jewish fan, it really grates on me.” - Respondent 40

“I’m disabled and autistic, and the ableism is appalling to watch. Watching Echo be treated as subhuman for needing machinery to survive makes me feel like having implants to keep my spine from breaking itself would have me be the pitied member of any group. I am disgusted by the blatant antisemitism, as a fair number of my friends are Jewish and it hurts me to think that people can so easily hate others based on internalized stereotypes. Me and my friends have also critically analyzed the fact that, despite being clones of a character portrayed by Temuera Morrison, for some reason the bad batch look nothing like him in any way. No resemblance in any way: just a bunch of someone’s badly worked characters fraught with disgusting writing decisions and design choices that make no sense. It makes me angry to think that the writers for this show, and to an extent any modern writer, would believe that using harmful tropes to make a story is acceptable and someone brings in profit. I tried to watch it out of fact that my family likes Star Wars and we all grew up watching it, but all of these unhealthy assumptions and terrible choices in terms of writing and design leave a bitter and nauseating feeling.” - Respondent 605

In the survey, various questions were asked about fans’ feelings about The Bad Batch. Before reading the carrd, 34.7% of fans answered that writing was their least favorite aspect of the series, with the next being the main characters. Elaborations in the following free write made clear that the whitewashing and stereotypical writing were huge factors of these opinions. One a 1 to 5 satisfaction scale, 68.1% of respondents rated their satisfaction at a 3 or lower--again, due to the whitewashing and other issues respondents perceived in The Bad Batch. When asked to analyze pre-post carrd-reading feelings regarding the above issues, every category saw a marked increase in awareness of the issue at hand. The perceived prominence of the whitewashing went from 81.3% to 91.4% in respondents. The awareness of ableism jumped almost 30%, from 52.6% to 84.4%. The majority of respondents (59%) were not aware of the antisemitism in the series, but after reading the carrd, that statistic flipped to 80.5%, a near 60% increase from the original 26.7%. Regarding the other racist issues, the respondents went from 63.1% to 83.7%.

Fans of color, neurodivergent fans, disabled fans, and Jewish fans have been waiting for the day where we can see ourselves on screen a level of attention and care that makes us feel even more at home in the Star Wars community . If Disney’s message is truly family-friendly, if Star Wars is for everyone, then Disney needs to support these views with not just words, but with actions. Resolve the racism in Star Wars: The Bad Batch, take out the antisemitism, and treat your nonwhite, disabled, and neurodivergent characters--and fans--with the respect and dignity they deserve.

This will not be a benefit solely to the fans who are asking to be represented properly. In today’s time, popular media is facing a reckoning; media that is inclusive of and respectful towards minoritized groups ends up with leagues more popularity, high ratings, and good reviews than those that don’t. A recent and prominent example is Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings, a movie for which the inclusion of Asian-Americans at nearly all levels of production boosted its image and aided in its successful box office release. Black Panther is another prominent example--a movie spearheaded by Black people that completed its box office run at more than five times its initial budget in total revenue. The proper representation of people of color is a two-fold benefit.

Star Wars: The Bad Batch already has beautiful animation that reminds many longtime Star Wars: The Clone Wars fans of their childhood.

It is our hope that you will take our concerns as well as the concerns of others into account, and address the issues that we have outlined in order to better reflect the Walt Disney Company’s commitment to inclusive, diverse entertainment for audiences of all ages. Thank you for your attention to this issue.

Respectfully,

Fans of The Bad Batch

#mod CH #email #disney #star wars #the clone wars #the bad batch #unwhitewashtbb #swtbb #racism #antisemitism

[firemedicdiaz]

The Road Will Lead You Home Again

Fandom: 9-1-1. Pairing: Buddie. Word Count: 2201. Genre: fluff. Rating: teen+. Summary: Eddie goes over to Buck’s to pick up Christopher, or how 4x08 should have ended. Warning(s): alcohol mention. Note:  Beta’d by @fireladybuckley​.  AO3 link here. 

Buck jumped as his apartment door was thrown open and Eddie rushed in, his expression bordering on unhinged.  Buck hadn’t been expecting him for at least another five minutes given the distance between Eddie’s house and his apartment, but it was unsurprising that Eddie had taken speed limits and stop signs as suggestions more than anything considering the fear and restless energy rolling off him in waves.

“Christopher?”  Eddie barked, glancing around frantically.

Buck stepped closer, putting a hand on Eddie’s chest to stop him.  

“In the bathroom,” Buck explained.  “He’s fine.”

He could feel Eddie’s chest heaving under the strain of his emotions and a frantic rush up three flights of stairs.  Buck watched Eddie’s face, waited.  It took a few moments for his words to sink in, but Eddie finally relaxed a fraction, dropping his shoulders and meeting Buck’s eyes.

“I’m sorry about all this,” Eddie said with a shake of his head, reaching up to run a hand through his hair.  “We’re going to have a long, hard talk about boundaries when we get home.”

Buck shook his head, dropping his hand as Eddie calmed.

“Not until you’ve slept on it,” Buck said softly.  “Christopher is going through some stuff right now and he needs kindness, not a reprimand.”

Buck could feel the tension return to Eddie’s body even though they were no longer touching.

“You think you know how to parent my son better than I do?”

Buck raised his hands in an attempt to diffuse the tension as Eddie went on the defensive.

“I’m not saying that,” Buck said quickly.  “I’m just saying that we had a heart-to-heart and that I really think Chris could use some reassurance that this - you dating Ana - doesn’t mean that he’s going to be left behind.”

Eddie almost visibly flinched at Buck’s words, the anger leaving him in a rush, replaced by a sudden chill, an understanding.  Eddie cursed quietly and sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Is that what he said?”

Buck nodded, turning on his heel and making his way into the kitchen.  Eddie followed along, leaning on the counter as Buck pulled two beers from the fridge and uncapped them, sliding one across the marble at Eddie.

“Between the shelter in place order and you dating again, he feels like everyone is leaving him,” Buck explained, taking a sip of his beer and regarding Eddie.  “He told me that you promised him the two of you would try new things together after the whole skateboarding debacle, but this kind of came out of nowhere.”

Eddie cursed again, the conversation from that day coming back to haunt him.  Of course Christopher was upset; bringing someone new into the family was a huge step, and Eddie hadn’t even asked Chris how he felt about it.

“Maybe you do know more about parenting him than I do,” Eddie said with a bitter laugh, his voice hollow.

“Come on, man, you know that’s not it,” Buck assured him, setting down his beer and coming around to Eddie’s side of the counter.  He put a hand on Eddie’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze, and Eddie would be lying if he said Buck’s touch wasn’t exactly what he needed right then.  “Christopher came to me because he needed a friend, but he’s going to need his dad to walk him through this new normal.”

“You make it sound so easy,” Eddie lamented.

Buck’s hand stayed in place, its weight grounding Eddie as anxiety gnawed at him.  It was terrifying, the realization that Christopher was growing up, understanding more than Eddie was giving him credit for, and Eddie wasn’t sure he was ready to take on some of the big conversations they needed to have.  Shannon would have been great at it, and with her by his side it might not have been so dizzying, but he didn’t know how he was supposed to manage on his own.  

“Nothing worth doing is ever easy,” Buck said sagely like he was reading off a motivational poster.  “But it’s worthwhile, and you’re not alone.  You’ve got Bobby, and Hen, and - and you’ve got me.  I may not be a dad, but I was a pretty messed up kid.  If nothing else, I can tell you what not to do.”

Eddie’s heart ached at Buck’s attempt at jest.  Setting his beer down, he turned slowly to face his best friend, meeting Buck’s eyes.  There, under a veil of confidence and conviction, behind the hurt at memories of his own childhood, Eddie saw a shadow of something different, something more.  It was gone in a flash, before he could even begin to delve into it, but it made the gears in Eddie’s head turn a bit as he processed what that look might’ve meant.

Clearing his throat before he could get completely waylaid, deciding it was neither the time nor the place to dwell on whatever moment had just transpired, Eddie glanced around the apartment again.

“Christopher’s been in the bathroom a while, I should go check on him.”

“I’ll get him,” Buck interjected.  “Make yourself at home.”

Eddie agreed with a nod, watching Buck disappear further into the apartment before making his way to the couch.  Christopher’s crutches were propped against the side of it and Eddie relaxed a fraction at the tangible proof that Christopher was there and safe.  He rested his elbows on his knees as he sat, dropping his head into his hands and wondering just where he’d screwed up parenting so badly that Christopher didn’t think he could open up and talk to him about what was on his mind.

“If we need to take a break, I’ll understand.”

Eddie smiled and held up a hand.

“Hold on, hold on.  He and I can figure this out.  In the meantime, I don’t want you going anywhere.  Got that?”

Ana’s smile didn’t quite reach her eyes, not that he’d noticed it at the time.  He’d been too busy looking ahead to a future where he wasn’t so cripplingly alone.  Of course he had his coworkers and his family.  He also had Buck.  

Buck, who would drop everything to help out even without Eddie having to ask.  Buck, whom Christopher looked at like he’d hung the moon.  Buck, who was in his heart and on his mind even when he was miles away.  

But he needed someone in the in-between.  Someone whose touch could calm him, ground him, who could reassure him that maybe he wasn’t making an absolute mess of parenting, learning, and growing as a person.  Someone who could be his heart and his soul.  His best friend.

But he already had that too, didn’t he?

“I got it,” Ana’s voice called to him through the cobwebs, returning him to that moment.

“I’ll uh, talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay.”

Eddie shook his head, dispelling the unwelcome flashback.  His heart beat heavily in his chest at the implications of the memory and he nearly jumped as a weight landed on the couch beside him.  Looking over, Eddie found Christopher sitting at his side, his head bowed and looking so much younger and more innocent than Eddie was used to seeing.

Any remaining anger that Eddie felt disappeared as Christopher worried with the hem of his shirt, not meeting Eddie’s eyes.  Eddie shifted closer, putting an arm around Chris’ shoulders and pulling him close, pressing a kiss into Christopher’s hair.

“I’m glad you’re safe, mijo,” Eddie murmured, holding Christopher tightly enough that the boy squirmed in his grip.  “You scared me.”

“Sorry, dad,” Christopher said quietly, keeping his gaze averted.  “I won’t do it again.”

“I appreciate that, but I want you to know that I’m not mad at you.  I understand.”

Eddie’s compassion piqued Christopher’s interest and he finally looked up, cautiously meeting Eddie’s gaze.  Eddie smiled, brushing a few stray curls away from Christopher’s forehead.

“I was wrong, buddy, and I’m sorry,” Eddie said softly.  “I should have talked to you before I started dating again.  That’s on me.  I made a promise to you and I broke it, and now I’m going to make it right, okay?”

“How?”  Christopher asked.

“By starting over,” Eddie replied with a courage that he wasn’t sure he could live up to.  “By breaking it off with her and by starting again with someone else, but only if that’s okay with you.”

Christopher considered the words for a moment and smiled, nodding as he leaned into Eddie again and wrapped his arms around him.  Eddie let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and embraced Chris, holding onto him for a long moment.  He glanced up as he sensed movement in the periphery of his vision and found Buck watching the two of them from the kitchen.

“Can you start over with Buck?”  Christopher asked, and Eddie’s heart nearly stopped as he wondered whether Buck could hear them from his vantage point.  Buck’s face gave nothing away, and Eddie operated on the hope that they were out of earshot as he agreed to something he thought he’d have a little more time to process before acting on.

“I think that’s a great idea,” Eddie whispered, holding Christopher just a little tighter to borrow some of the boy’s unbridled courage and enthusiasm.  “Do you think he’ll say yes?”

Christopher giggled.

“Yeah!  He promised he wasn’t going anywhere.”

Eddie’s heart leapt at the implications of Buck’s promise to Christopher, settling into a quick, erratic drumbeat as he wondered whether Buck’s sentiments would stay the same once Eddie came out and admitted that he’d love nothing more than to have Buck in their lives forever, and not just for evenings and weekends.

“Okay,” Eddie said quietly.  “Do you think I should do it now?”

Christopher nodded, giving Eddie a playful shove to get him going.  Eddie took a slow, deep, steadying breath and stood, slipping his hands into his pockets to keep himself from fidgeting as he made his way into the kitchen.  He could hear the drag of fabric on fabric as Christopher swiveled on the couch and he could feel Chris’ gaze on him as he made his way toward Buck.  Buck’s expression was quizzical as Eddie approached and he slid Eddie’s beer in his direction again as though sensing Eddie’s nervousness.  

“Good talk?”  Buck asked casually.

“Yeah, I think so,” Eddie replied.  “We came to an understanding.”

Buck raised an eyebrow, wordlessly encouraging Eddie to go on.

“I’m breaking up with Ana.”

Eddie had expected surprise, disbelief, maybe, but not the warmth and approval that Buck’s expression held.

“You’re a good dad, Eddie.  Chris is lucky to have you, and I’m sure you’ll find someone even better for you one day.”

Eddie picked up his beer and averted his gaze as he took a long swig.

“I’ve already got someone better.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Eddie watched Buck tilt his head curiously.  He could feel those blue eyes burning a hole straight through him and he took another sip before setting his beer down.  The clink of glass on marble was louder than he’d intended as the bottle slipped from his nervous fingers and it didn’t escape Buck’s notice.

“Eddie?”

“I’ve had someone better for a while,” Eddie continued before he could talk himself out of it.  “I just hope he’ll have me back.”

Eddie looked over pointedly to meet Buck’s gaze.  He watched Buck process, the other man’s expression changing from confusion, to realization, to acceptance, and then to something else.  Something that made Eddie weak-kneed as he realized just how desperately he’d wanted to see it in Buck’s eyes for so long.  For longer than he cared to admit.

Approval.

“You mean… me?”

Buck had to be sure, of course.  He had feelings of his own, feelings his tone and the way the words caught in his throat when he’d asked Eddie about his date had nearly belied.  He’d never been good at reading people, though, and as much as he knew Eddie inside and out, he found it even harder to read him, and so he’d kept those feelings to himself.  To see them being reciprocated was something Buck was both desperate and completely unprepared for.

“Yeah, Buck, I mean you.”

Their gazes stayed locked as Eddie moved around the counter between them, closing in on Buck.  Eddie bit his lip, feeling suddenly shy, unsure of himself, and Buck’s heart swelled with love.  Buck broke into a soft, easy smile, reaching out to wrap his arms around Eddie as the other man stepped into reach.  Eddie sagged into Buck’s embrace, locking his hands around Buck’s waist and holding onto him, breathing him in.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that.”

Eddie pulled back just enough to be able to see Buck’s face.  He chuckled softly, inhaling sharply a moment later as Buck tilted his head, pressing his lips to Eddie’s, effectively stealing his breath away.  The joy Eddie felt as they connected was so deep and fulfilling that any doubts he had went up in smoke and he smiled into the kiss as Chris’ cheers of celebration filled the air.

#9-1-1 #Buddie #Evan Buckley #Eddie Diaz #Christopher Diaz #9-1-1 fanfiction #fanfiction #missing scene

[tundrainafrica]

1) about the social class headcanon that you write, that’s actually makes sense, but isn’t exactly what i meant. According to Isayama, Hange when she was young looked very much like Eren in the way of acting (even more with the titans), and (this part I am not sure if it is true) she lost her family at the fall of the maria wall. Eren looked like a rebellious teenager angry at everything, and recently I found out that depression in teenagers and children tends to manifest itself that way

2) (anger and rebellion), well, we know Eren was depressed (it only got worse with time) but what about Hange? seems to me she learned to hide her feelings so it wouldn't be between her and her job. We don't know her past, she probably didn't grow up in a violent place like Levi but it doesn't mean that her life was all joy and happiness you know.. 

---------------------------------------------   MY ANSWER   --------------------------------------

Hello Anon, 

Thank you again for your ask! Woops, sorry if I didn’t answer your  questions. I answered those two asks in a row so I ended up just building off of the last one. 

I don’t think it was ever confirmed if Hange lost her family at the fall of Wall Maria. I did some research and couldn’t find stuff on my end. If you could send me some on that, I’d love to read it.

I am aware at least that no one’s life is all joy or happiness. I think there is a difference though with growing up without ever having to consider your next meal and living in abject poverty. 

There are people who have had time to be a child and there are people who haven’t. So I think to a degree, Hange had more of a childhood than Levi. And a normal childhood is incredibly important for every single child. The early years are crucial because that’s where children build wonder, curiosity. That’s one of the psychological reasons behind children’s books. They make everything so fantastical to heighten the senses of the children. Because in fact, children only get full control of their senses later in life. Before they are even able to make sense of everything, everything is just a huge bubble or conglomeration of senses. That’s why children are so perceptive, imaginative and quick to learn things like languages. Their view of the world isn’t set yet by the rules and norms of the society they live in. 

That’s why asking children questions and exposing them to so many different things at a young age and providing for them is important. Children need to see the wonder of the world while not having to consider their next meal, their danger. A childhood is generally where curiosity and imaginative thinking is most easily built. 

And that’s why I say, that Hange somehow is a lot more curious, sees a lot more wonder than Levi. Similar to Erwin, he had a pretty comfortable existence, he went to a good school, he had a father who engaged him and that’s why Erwin was able to think beyond what was within the walls. Same for both Eren and Armin. Eren had his father who probably fed him some info and Armin had his parents books and his parents who were curious enough to build that hot air balloon

And, I know about that scene in the manga that explained that it was the lightness of the titan head that got Hange curious about titans. I think kicking the titan head was a good catalyst for titan research but I suspect that even before that, Hange was curious about the outside world. Hange’s interest extends beyond titans for sure because it was confirmed by Isayama already that Hange would have been studying botany outside the walls if it wasn’t for the titans. Also, the way Hange is handling the new world where she’s constantly on top of developments in Paradis etc, also shows that titans are only one facet of her scientist personality.

Besides, if she didn’t have that wonder and curiosity about the outside world, I don’t think she would have done something as ridiculous as join the survey corps in the first place.

“Eren looked like a rebellious teenager angry at everything, and recently I found out that depression in teenagers and children tends to manifest itself that way”

Although depression can manifest itself in anger, similar to Eren’s probably, there’s no exact formula for how humans react to anything. It’s incredibly complex that the field of psychology (or any other field) is just a conglomerate of people and a bunch of reports and the people trying to make sense of all the results of the experiments they made. This is particularly true in the social sciences where any findings won’t point to anything as exact as those in the pure sciences.  

Anger and rebellion could also stem from someone having grown up in a rich family with strict rules on how to go about this and that is generally how it fits into my head canon. Someone can have a good relationship with their family while at the same time have qualms about how they were raised. To be honest, I’m probably the same way. I grew up in a relatively well off family, I was a generally angry teenager but I admittedly have a generally positive relationship with my family. 

Okay to tackle the issue on depression

 <Trigger Warning on Depression>

I don’t want to be quick as to define any action or any emotional analysis as depression. Depression is an incredibly complex subject, there are biological causes, life events and it manifests itself in so many different ways. So many different ways in fact, that people are rarely diagnosed with just depression. There are always diagnoses which accompany it. 

To be honest, I went through a period in time also where I was considering ending it. I was sleeping a lot. I quit everything. I went straight home from school. Barely talked to anyone.  I talked to a counselor about it, then a therapist but it took them months before they wanted to give the diagnosis of depression. I actually never pushed through with the sessions after a while, got busy with school and eventually, this cleared up on its own weirdly. I’ll never know actually if I was depressed during that period in time. Was I going through very stressful life events, definitely. Were my answers to the tests they were giving me alarming then? Probably. They could have pointed to depression. But I generally got past it and am generally a happier person now without much intervention. So was it even considered depression? I’ll never know. Some people who are probably much stronger than me needed interventions to stay functional. They needed to make radical life decisions, like move out from their parents place, change their courses to keep going. They needed meds to keep functioning everyday. 

Depression is a complex and  terrifying condition and manifests itself in so many different ways. In fact, talking to some friends who really watched their life spiral down because of this shitty condition. Towards the later stages of depression, they weren’t even feeling anything anymore. 

Could Hange have been experiencing symptoms similar to depression? Definitely. General teenage anger and hormones can manifest as symptoms of depression. Grief can manifest with symptoms of  depression. Loss can manifest with symptoms of depression. Trauma can manifest with symptoms of depression. Hange will have experienced a lot of things that 

Note : Also Eren’s depression? I honestly think given the experiences he had, inheriting the founding titan and inheriting centuries worth of trauma, I think his experience is beyond fathomable for the average person so I chalk that as completely something else. 

Okay, to answer your question, Hange was probably not in the best mental state late into Season 4. 

Of course she wasn’t, she lost Moblit, she lost Erwin and suddenly she was pulled into a place with so much responsibility. And she was probably suffering from a case of survivor’s guilt on top of that.

Hiding emotions comes down a lot to discipline, self control and the general strength of your inhibitions.. Emotions are manageable like I could say, I have successfully stopped myself many times from punching someone in the face. Someone’s ability to stop themselves from acting on impulses, someone’s ability to manage their inhibitions is dependent on numerous factors like home environment etc. It is also dependent on the context of that moment where someone has to choose between punching someone in the face or walking away, on the context of that moment where people choose between lying in bed and letting the day go by and standing up and plastering a smile on their face. I guess, that’s the point I wanted to make in a previous post. If Hange did grow up rich, she probably found it a little easier, to plaster a smile on her face because not ever having to experience desperation at an early age, coming to the realization that you’ve had it easier than a lot of people growing up, can do that to people. 

But yes, towards the end of season 4, she was going through something. She was struggling, despite her smiling face. But really, in attack on titan, who is happy post chapter 122? Like I cannot think of a single person in that manga who is happy at that point. Please tell me if you can think of anyone. 

Would I chalk up Hange’s true feelings to depression?

Manifestations of depression maybe? Post traumatic stress? Stress with little time to process anything or rest? Exhaustion? Not being in the best mental state? Maybe.

I wouldn’t use the word depression definitely. 

Depression is an incredibly heavy world with so many implications. In fact, it’s a medical condition which needs to be diagnosed thus, I wouldn’t use that at all to describe anyone’s situation unless they have had multiple consultations with multiple doctors and have been laid a final diagnosis. 

I hope this clears things up.

Thank you for the ask again. I appreciate it :D

#attack on titan #eren jaeger #hange zoe #meta

[rokutouxei]

the other van gogh

part 4 of: atelier heart

ikemen vampire: temptation in the dark theodorus van gogh / mc, theo & vincent | gen | 2403 | [ao3 in bio]

spoiler warning: this fic references scenes from theo’s main route chapters 3, 8, and 18.

You’d heard about Theo before you’d gone to the mansion.

Not by name, no, not by history either. You’d gone to museums with Vincent’s paintings and had read a few descriptions of historical context here and there but for the most part you had heard about his brother with a peculiar moniker.

The Other van Gogh.

When you’d met him that night at the mansion, the roots of guilt began to implant itself into your heart. And with every second you spent with Theo afterwards, knee-deep in his work, the guilt had birthed in its wake curiosity—as to why he was known for his brother, and not for whatever he had done on his own.

Why Arthur would not stop with his brother-complex jokes. Why everyone thought this was normal. Why no one asked questions—why this was just fact.

What did they know that you didn’t? What made Vincent mean so much to Theo to begin with?

Of course, the kind of brotherly connection and support that siblings do have isn’t really news to you, but you could see at a glance that this was different. That they weren’t just brothers, they were partners, and it seemed that Theo derived so much meaning in his life from Vincent’s existence, like he couldn’t hold himself up if not for his older brother.

But why?

If there is anything the passing of time has taught to its scholars, whether they are the ones spending unending hours and days and years in libraries, cooped up, comparing texts from each other, extracting and analysing and cross-referencing, or if they are the ones who are constantly out on the field, making notes, remembering everything, writing everything down to memory—it is that nothing, nothing, can ever truly be captured in its full historical detail. There are always things that will be missed, overlooked, misunderstood, things that no amount of work on history will ever be able to recover.

That is the weakness of the human perspective. Not everyone will write these histories, and there will be many, many experiences that will never be known.

Theo’s, perhaps, is included in those.

You don’t have much knowledge in history to begin with, but the guilt of not having recognized that first night in the banquet continued to gnaw at you, worsening now that you’re spending even more time with him compared to everyone else, and yet you still feel like you knew even less than you started with.

You have an argument, but even to you, it is weak: that the rest of them are pretty  much names you would not have been able to escape in the 21st century educational system. Isaac Newton, of course, the discoverer of gravity. Jean d’Arc, the great martyr. Leonardo da Vinci, with his paintings and sculptures. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, whose songs you started humming in childhood. William Shakespeare, sometimes called the greatest writer in the English language. Napoleon Bonaparte, perhaps one of the greatest military commanders in history. Arthur Conan Doyle, the author of the famous Sherlock Holmes. And even Dazai Osamu is pretty recognized as an author too, as far as you knew. And Vincent van Gogh—of course, one of the most renowned artists in the world.

But Theo?

While Vincent was a myth, Theo remained largely untold.

Look, you weren’t a history scholar, and considering your work back in the 21st century, this kind of knowledge was and is entirely out of your radius of practical information. You really didn’t have much reason to know about it. It’s just a niche that you’re not in. And that’s entirely fine, you tell yourself, no single human ought to know everything about the world—except, perhaps, if you’re Leonardo da Vinci, who seems to have an answer for everything, but that was beside the point.

For the longest time, these missing bits of his history left unknown to you, matched with the fact that Theo isn’t exactly the kind of person who is easy to get to know, made your efforts of really, really doing your best to get closer to him feel like you were instead making friends with a wall.

A tall, handsome, strong, passionate, smart, ocean blue-eyed, ridiculously rude wall, but a wall nonetheless.

Or a closed door.

Until Vincent opened it for you.

-

It was in response to your bewilderment. When one is a sadist and the other one is an angel, it is easy to wonder how they would be related. The day you go out to the flower fields to deliver painting supplies to Vincent is the day he tells you that “I know Theo’s easy to misunderstand, but he’s a really nice kid, so please be friends with him okay?”

And while the instinct is to say no thanks, Vincent’s not exactly the person you can say no to, so you let it go. And on that very same day Theo had allowed you to see a part of him, one you wondered if he ever really ardently shows anyone else, talking about sunrises and the art world and what he can do. What he wants to do. A little glimpse, a peek of what’s hidden inside, but not enough—barely enough—to satiate your own curiosity.

And you, silly, silly little hondje—Theo is right when he says you don’t know just how much trouble you walk into—you take this little curiosity as a challenge.

So you watch.

Watch what history has missed.

-

Mastering the art of looking at art with a critical eye is one that is honed over time. But with a teacher both as strict and as passionate as Theo, it is a skill that you quickly pick up. Learning the implications of certain gestures; the observation of the tiniest details; the effects of colors; of sharpening one’s gut.

You thought it would be hard.

Or at least, much easier said than done, especially when the man frustratingly keeps calling you dog or snack or any variation of the both of that when he only has miles and miles of praises for his older brother. You were, are, and will obviously be at an entirely different level than Vincent for as long as you will be here. (Not that you minded. Why would you mind it?)

But it isn’t hard at all.

It’s rather easy.

The easiest things to see are their differences. Of course—it’s always like that. That’s exactly why it’s so easy to misunderstand Theo at face value. Where Vincent’s smile is sunny and warm, Theo has a glare that makes flowers wilt. While Vincent likes his pancakes plain and with butter, Theo can get thirty lifetimes worth of sugar for the amount of syrup he puts on his pancakes. Where Vincent is approachable and perhaps a little airheaded, Theo is guarded, distrustful, wary. While Vincent’s words are soft and kind and gentle like wildflowers are, Theo has the formality of roses but also their barbs and thorns.

But the days turn into weeks and your eyes get trained to see past that. Get used to seeing the gentle rays of sunlight illuminating their irises when they look back at each other, talking about art. Vincent sees the softest sides of Theo, see where his thorns give way to flowers, where his distrust smooths into blind faith.

And you want to see that too.

So you practice.

Start with catching the little details like how Theo walks with his hands in his pockets. Or the way he casually adjusts his tie right before he enters a room before a meeting with a client like he’s psyching himself up. Or maybe the way he bites the inside of his cheek when he’s deep in thought, the lines that form on his forehead when he’s squinting so hard at a painting through his magnifying glass. Or the little tug of a smirk he cannot resist when he gets complimented, the one he so subtly and ever so quickly washes away with a neutral face in a second.

Then you catch other things, too. Like how if you matter any single bit to Theo, you can get him to do pretty much anything, bending himself backward over if you ask him. How he pays attention to things that matter to him, down to the littlest detail, like an artist’s changing focus, a shift in style, a change in technique. And how Theo has a dream and it’s one of the only two things he really, really believes in. (The other is his brother.)

You thought it would be impossible to see Theo through Vincent’s eyes, but.

Eventually you do.

You don’t know where it begins, but it begins somewhere. Maybe on that evening you’d gone up the atelier and seen the candlelight shine on his prideful, confident boyish grin, as if he knew all the answers for certain. Or maybe it was later, standing in the garden laughing because how is it that Theo van Gogh, so strong and imposing and scary is now pinned onto the grass with the most playful golden retriever you have ever seen?

But that’s the important part. You start seeing it.

The same way Theo could tell the painting was a fake at first glance that morning at Cedric’s.

And the wall is still tall and opaque and hard to climb but—

You can sort of see the sunlight peering over it.

-

On the day of the storm, in between antiseptic and rolls of gauze, silence permeates the library like a dense fog. The only sound you can really quite hear besides the thunder outside is your thumping heart, racing as if in time with Theo’s labored breathing.

There are too many questions to ask. You want to ask him why he does all of this. You want to ask him if it is worth it. And you don’t know the order in which to ask them, which ones are the ones you have to hear, but you do.

Theo, for a brief moment, opens up to you.

Allows you to see the red of his wounds and his roses. See the garden, not his thorns.

But before the two of you could head out to your rooms, to go back to bed and pretend none of this had happened, you hold the first-aid kit in your hands and turn to him, already putting his bloodied jacket on, and ask the question you had long feared asking, the one whose answer you worried you really didn’t deserve knowing.

You ask, “Why is it that you’re so fixated on Vincent?”

There’s a moment of held-breath silence, then Theo answers.

“Because I made a choice that day, and he is all I have left.”

-

The next day, you catch Vincent in the garden painting. You hesitate at the doorway wondering if you should interrupt him, but eventually decide that this is something you ought to tell him, out of respect.

“I wanted to say sorry,” you say, sitting next to him on the grass. Vincent turns to you with confusion in his eyes.

“What about?”

“When we were at the flower fields, and I asked you and Theo if you were really brothers—I thought about it a lot the past few days, and I think finally see what you mean,” you say. “About Theo.”

Vincent smiles, the smile of someone who knows more than they let on.

-

(A lifetime ago, in the middle of a seaside town when everything was falling apart around him, Vincent had only one person holding him up, and that was his brother. They were young then—but felt much too old, older than they were. Youth was not gentle with them, and for the most part they spend much of their lives making up for times they spent less kind to one another. Dreaming for the children they used to be, the ones they would have wanted to nurture, but cannot anymore.

The seaside town where their paths were linked and then diverged. They were teenagers, walking alongside the mill, hiding in stockrooms, listening to the crash of the waves against the Dutch shores.

And a full lifetime ago, long after they’d grown out of the old family home, Vincent had taken up his pen and had written to Theo:

We’re quite distant from one another, and in certain respects we may have different ways of seeing, but nevertheless, sometimes or some day one of us might be able to be of use to the other. For today, I shake your hand, thanking you again for the kindness you’ve shown me.

The salt in the air, the gray paths, the winding roads, they all remain.)

-

If there is anything the passing of time has taught to its scholars, whether they are the ones spending unending hours and days and years in libraries, cooped up, comparing texts from each other, extracting and analysing and cross-referencing, or if they are the ones who are constantly out on the field, making notes, remembering everything, writing everything down to memory—it is that nothing, nothing, can ever truly be captured in its full historical detail. There are always things that will be missed, overlooked, misunderstood, things that no amount of work on history will ever be able to recover.

That is the weakness of the human perspective. Not everyone will write these histories, and there will be many, many experiences that will never be known.

And because of this the world might only remember Vincent after all. Might only remember he had a brother that stood by him but had nothing in comparison to the legacy of paintings that once were piled up in that said brother’s small Paris home. Might only think that the entire story only revolves around Vincent, and that there is only Vincent and then the other van Gogh.

The world might not know him by name.

But it’s okay.

You hold his face in your hands, that night he tells you he’s sworn to throw everything away for Vincent. The van Gogh that wasn’t the Other one. The name of the feeling you hadn’t wanted to put into words tasting like blood in your mouth.

Theo can do what he wants.

And the world can forget.

But you will remember.

And to at least one person—he will not just be the other van Gogh.

--

in the atelier: Two children on the beach by Pierre van Dijk

#ikevamp #ikevamp theo #ikevam theo #ikevam #ikemen vampire #ikemen vampire theo #atelier heart #fic #the other van gogh

[akechicrimes]

it does matter, actually, that goro akechi is a minor. not because this somehow exonerates him morally, or because this somehow makes him not responsible for his actions, but because persona 5 is invested in children as a source of hope for a better future. 

once i saw someone complain that people will defend akechi’s murders on the grounds that he’s a child/minor and how they felt that this doesnt excuse multiple counts of murder. and i was like, ok, well, im not sure anyone was excusing him, but alright, sure. and i’ve seen a few rebuttals to that, one of which is that shido and the other adults in akechi’s life had a responsibility to support akechi in such a way that it didn’t come to murder, and of course it’s on shido to just not be a massive dick who endorses fascism and murders in the first place. and i was like ok, well, this seems a little patronizing and dismissive of akechi’s agency and autonomy, but alright, sure.

in a very roundabout way of explaining my first two sentences, there’s one thing that bothers me lately, and it’s selim bradley from fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood. 

for those of us not familiar with fma:b, selim, or pride, is the oldest homunculus/artificial human in the show and the second-oldest villain, despite the fact that he looks about eight years old. of the seven homunculus named after deadly sins, selim/pride is the only one to survive the show--with an asterisk, which is that selim gets the “homunculus” part of him erased by the end of the show. with the “pride” aspect of him gone, selim is mortal, without any special powers, without memories of any of his amoral acts, and is generally just a happy, normal child.

which is a weird exception to fma:b’s general rule in which every other homunculus dies. even fan favorites like greed and envy don’t live, despite the fact that greed and envy are far more sympathetic as characters. selim kills multiple people on-screen, shows zero remorse whatsoever, and is an active helper in all the other mass-murders that the homunculi engineer. selim’s not an innocent in any way. also, he’s like, 200 years old? 300? he’s very old. biologically, mentally, emotionally, selim is not a child.

but fma:b goes out of its way to make sure that selim gets a second chance at a future, just because his body looks like a child’s. cut another way, he gets an exception from a large number of terrible crimes, up to an including participation in genocide, just because he looks like a child. 

fma:b reminded me that, outside of tumblr’s purity politics over children, and especially so in japan, children are socially constructed in a very specific way, beyond biological age and legal majority cutoffs. 

yes, biological age is a thing. yes, legal majority is a thing. i’m not saying that being a child isn’t a biological thing--it is, obviously. but what i’m saying is that there’s a difference between, say, the sex assigned to you at birth and your gender presentation, to use an analogy. there is a such thing as biological age, but the societal status of being a child of a related but separate thing. and this status of being considered a child is a societal construct.

the social construction goes like this, insofar as i’m aware: children should be good and silent and dutiful and work hard and go to school and listen to their elders, and their elders in turn should do everything they can to guide the children to the right path and build a good society for these children to inherit. (if we want more details on this, please see the entire history of filial piety in asia.)

so that’s a social contract right there baked into the social construct of childhood: children don’t have power, but adults have an obligation to make sure they don’t need power, and to make sure that the future and their children’s futures look bright. 

children represent the future, essentially. they’re the next generation. they’re simultaneously without legal rights as adults and in a very vulnerable position, for sure, but they’re also simultaneously considered the country’s most precious capital: quite literally the people who will inherit and lead the country next.

which, personally, i think puts a whole new spin on the phantom thieves in general. they’re not just kids who’re being rowdy or kids telling abusive shitty adults theyre being abusive and shitty--or, they’re kids doing those things, but they’re not just kids doing those things. they’re kids who’ve been specifically let down by adults who did not fulfill their social obligation to them. they’re kids who’ve been abandoned and neglected by the very adults who should have been paving the way forward for them, as society has asked those adults to do, because those adults have instead chosen to line their own pockets and cover their own asses. 

so the kids said: alright, well, then i’ll take power for myself, and i’ll make my own future. (which is where we get a lot of those promo slogans of “steal back your future” and junk like that.)

sae’s comments about how adults should do their part to fix the world for the kids is just a resolidifying of the way the world “should” work, and we could talk about her comments on the matter, but actually i wanna talk about yoshida.

i especially want to talk about yoshida because yoshida and shido are the two politicians we see the most of, and both of them spend a lot of time reciting political rhetoric to speak to the hearts of the general japanese populace. we all know the way that shido thinks of japan: a large vehicle that one person is in control of, and the masses just compose the throne upon which the ruler sits.

we also already know that yoshida’s a Real G, but it’s worth really close-reading some of his lines. he speaks a lot about apathy, the lack of caring for each other in society--a general willingness to disregard your fellow man, to not uphold one’s social obligation to each other. but he also talks a lot about the “youth”--which is not really uncommon for a politician, obviously, since politicians are always talking about “the children” and “the kids” and “the next generation” and “those damn millennials” and all that shit. 

yoshida instead gives us these fun lines:

A world where the young exist only to be exploited... is a world that must be changed!

And while our society appears to be prosperous, many of our young people are quietly suffering. They lack jobs, security, savings... The next generation will lead us into the future and yet they have no plan for how to arrive there.

Passing on the societal ills we have created to the next generation... is not right!

...the current administration refuses to discuss their plans for the future... Can we really accept such an utter lack of transparency?!

If you make a promise, you must keep it. If you make a mistake, you must atone for it. These are basic human principles that we have all learned from the youngest of ages... 

yoshida’s entire thing about how the adults have let the children down isn’t just him saying shit--he’s commenting directly on the fact that the social contract has been broken, and he’s putting the blame on the administration for not upholding their responsibility to secure a future for the children, especially since the children are the future of the country. 

this is partly why he doesn’t blame the phantom thieves for acting the way that they do; rather, he seems them as a logical reaction to the injustice that’s occurred as a result of the society that the adults have left for them:

I bet [the Phantom Thieves] are a group of young people. Young people who have experienced cruelty and injustice... They bravely face the societal ills that plague our world without thinking of the consequences.

(i think also in part he admires the fact that they’re anonymous and don’t benefit personally from their actions, which is exactly the opposite of what he did as a young politician. he also doesn’t throw the real embezzlement culprit under the bus to exonerate himself presumably for the same principle of desiring selfless public service instead of personal gain.)

in both the early parts of the s link and later on when yoshida starts talking with matsushita more extensively, akira’s important because he’s young--he represents the young demographic that yoshida and matsushita are discussing the future of. akira demonstrating support for yoshida in a public way means a lot because he’s a minor. matsushita asks akira for his opinions on the phantom thieves and other issues because akira is a minor. akira’s opinion is supposed to be heard and valued by adults, who should take his opinions into consideration and do their best to not let him down. 

this is tied into the general thread of yoshida being a person who was self-admittedly just as corrupt as everyone else, who was blinded by glamor and fame and money, who got caught up in political scandal. yoshida’s general acceptance of his mistakes as a human being and politician ties over to his general belief that it’s not that the youth are rebellious no-good teens, but that the youth have been let down by politicians like who he used to be. he blames himself, and because he is not too different from the rest of the older generation and politicians in general, he implicates a lot of the older generation and politicians as also blame-worthy.

his quest for redemption and atonement dovetails neatly with his views on the broken societal contract. taken together, yoshida’s s link implies to us the idea that the entire general older generation in japan more or less owes the children of japan a formal apology, and the older generation better get on their redemption arc and start being the vanguard of the change for children:

The reason [the Phantom Thieves are] causing a stir is because they are addressing the world’s problems. Setting aside whether their actions are right or wrong... there is one thing I can safely say about the Phantom Thieves. A belief with conviction... has the ability to move a person’s heart.

I’m sure you are all aware that I am “No-Good Tora,” the one accused of embezzlement. However, because I was accused like that, I was able to understand the suffering of the weak. Why am I in politics? In the past, it was merely for personal gain. But why do the Phantom Thieves continue to change hearts? I believe they do it for the world and its people. And in choosing to do justice for others, they had no choice but to disguise themselves. No matter what the world says, I fully support them. 

I’m just an average citizen. However, I will continue to voice my beliefs. I may not be able to become a Diet member this election... and I may not be able to effect change during my lifetime... but I’ve made my peace with that. I will be happy as long as I can be a meaningful stepping stone for the future of our youth!

okay. so that was a lot of close reading about yoshida. why did we do this exercise, tumblr user akechicrimes. 

there’s two takeaways from this. the first is the one that yoshida has already talked about extensively, which is that the phantom thieves are just but not because Fuck Cops and Fuck Capitalism and Fuck Anime Jeff Bezos. the phantom thieves are just because the people who are supposed to be upholding society aren’t doing their fucking jobs. the phantom thieves are specifically saying: we’ve been let down by society, so apparently we have to do everything our goddamn selves around here.

(which also ties in neatly to the general “fuck cops” vibe of persona 5 which, i would like to say, is very specifically “the cops are not doing their jobs.” the TV station scene where akira speaks back to akechi is, if i’m remembering this right, maybe the ONLY time we really hear “akira’s” opinion on the morality of his own activities, which is fascinating because he just does these things without ever justifying himself to the player--anyway, his three options are: (1) They’re justice itself, (2) They’re necessary, and (3) They do more than the cops. so akira can’t ever at any point say that the phantom thieves are bad, but his most interesting and detailed answer is to point out that the cops aren’t doing what they’re supposed to do, so who can really blame the phantom thieves for doing what the cops aren’t?)

the second takeaway is that yes, goro akechi does get more leniency because he’s a minor. 

yes. seriously. this isn’t a matter of excusing what he did, or downplaying the fact that he committing murder. i’m not saying that he wasn’t old enough to make decisions (although i would never say that he was old enough to make decisions, because he was 14/15 when he got wrapped up in shido’s conspiracy). i’m also not saying that akechi, somehow for some reason, didn’t volunteer himself willingly, because all the evidence points to the fact that he did (although of course “free will” is also highly circumspect considering his living conditions at the time and the fact that shido makes it clear that he was able to manipulate akechi without ever infringing on akechi’s sense of autonomy). i’m not even saying that akechi was driven to the point of murder and had no other choice (although i think that might also be true as well).

what i am saying is that under the construction of childhood as japan’s future and japan’s hope, akechi is considered a valuable member of society, and is therefore worth saving.

or at least he should be.

akechi says that he’s an unwanted child, but “unwanted child,” according to yoshida’s rhetoric (and a lot of japan’s general rhetoric of children as hope for the future) is an oxymoron. (or at least it would be an oxymoron if japan weren’t so fucking hypocritical.) you can’t not want the future of the country. you can’t not want hope for a good future. the very idea that a child could be not wanted or not valuable doesn’t make any sense, because children are the future--in some ways, whether you like it or not, that child is going to inherit the earth when you’re dead.

the kind of person who’d not want those things is--well, shido. (this is why i used yoshida; yoshida and shido are two polar opposite politicians.) shido quite literally does not want a good future for anyone in the country and quite literally does not want akechi and quite literally does not see akechi, one of the very young-person citizens that shido is supposed to be serving, as useful or valuable in any way unless akechi is directly promoting shido’s fame and popularity. shido being akechi’s father is just a very neat and nice way of literalizing the ways that shido, as an adult, has let down akechi as a child--the ways that shido quite literally owed akechi something to make akechi’s life and future better, and instead did everything awful.

there should not ever be a thing like “unwanted child.” that in and of itself, from the start of akechi’s life, was nonsensical. and to the extent that shido being akechi’s father is allegorical of the ways that shido is a terrible patriarch for japan, i would say that akechi, as an unwanted foster child, is just another allegory for the ways that children nowadays are treated as misbehaving, lazy good-for-nothings who have to work themselves into the dirt to be given half the salary and half the praise. akechi, as an unwanted child, is just the personification and representative of an apparently unwanted generation. 

what i’m getting at is that akechi’s status as a minor (and yes he’s a minor even if he’s eighteen; age of majority in japan is twenty)--akechi’s status as a minor is a critical part of why akechi gets a shot at a redemption arc. so yes, actually, the other villains or palace-rulers don’t get redemption arcs because they are adults, who had a societal obligation to do better by their peers and by the children of japan. yes, actually, akechi’s informal “trial” in the hands of fandom is to be tried as a minor and not as an adult. yes, i know kamoshida didn’t kill anyone and akechi’s literal crimes are more morally repugnant, but yes, unfortunately, being a minor does actually exonerate him on the morality spectrum to a degree. 

being a child matters in the larger scheme of persona 5′s logic of who owes who, who’s responsible for who, and why we should not be apathetic. adults owe children a better future. adults have been letting children down. adults owe every single phantom thief, including akechi, an apology, a better future, and health and happiness; and they owe that to japan’s future not as a matter of exchange or morals, but simple social obligation. adults are supposed to take care of the kids--full stop. 

”okay but @ tumblr user akechicrimes?? akechi KILLED people.”

yeah, i know. i said “being a minor does actually exonerate him on the morality spectrum to a degree.” 

what degree? no idea. that’s up to you to decide. if you want to play in the black-grey-white morality scale that only goes two ways, you’re welcome to continue to ask “what degree.” we can argue that being a minor somehow reels akechi back from the “black” end of the spectrum into the “grey” or “white” parts. 

but (if i may be permitted to go completely off the shits into things that might make people pissed off at me for saying) i implore you to consider that this two-way scale of morality is not the line of thought that persona 5 is pursuing. 

this, again, ties back into the social construction of a child. i’ve said “a child is representative of the country’s future” so many times i think it’s lost meaning, so let me dice it a different way: a child is socially constructed as representative of potential and hope. a child is socially constructed as the capacity for things to get better. in persona terms, a child is the fool at the start of their journey, all futures contained in one present, a vast multitude of could-be’s. 

for a game very concerned with japan’s general societal ruin, children are not just in the position of having been let down by adults, but are--as the phantom thieves demonstrate--representative of better futures regardless of how terrible circumstances look in the current day. they are a source of believing one day this sad, depressing story might actually end with “and then they lived happily ever after.”

if i may go even more completely off the shits, take a look at this heckler from yoshida’s s link, which is the one that akira speaks back to in the middle of yoshida’s speech:

...I’ve been wrong this whole time. Even though someone has failed in the past, it doesn’t mean that person can’t try again.

this is to say, redemption arcs insofar as persona 5 (and also persona 5 royal, i think) is concerned is not a question of necessarily addressing the wrongs that have occurred. yoshida sets the bar pretty high in that yoshida does not ask for forgiveness for what he’s done, and instead simply accepts his actions and their consequences without attempting to lessen the blow. he embraces what he’s done in all its awfulness. 

but because akechi is a a minor, and because akechi as a minor is getting wrapped up in persona 5′s train of thought about kids as the hopeful futures of japan, akechi is at the very least owed a chance to do better. as a minor, japan is societally contracte to give him the space to have the potential to be better and do better. nobody is obligated to forgive him, and indeed neither royal nor akechi ever seem to entertain this as a valid possibility. forgive, forget, reconciliation, retribution, and resolution seem to be all off the table, as if the very idea would minimize haru or futaba’s losses. the very conceit of the dreamworld in P5R wants to shoot down the very idea that the past can ever, to any degree, be fixed, remedied, or even emotionally resolved. akechi will have always killed wakaba and okumura and this fact will always be awful--full stop.

nevertheless, despite the fact that the past cannot be changed, akechi is still a minor. rather than attempting to resolve the issues of the past, akechi is still owed the space to become a beacon of potential change for the better in the future--which is also known as hope. 

i’ve said this in other posts elsewhere, but persona games are like, obsessed with hope. they fucking adore that shit. why not? even in difficult times, even when things are terrible and you’re going through misery, if you at least have hope that one day things will be better, that life will change, that the new generation will step up to the plate and make the story have a happy ending, pain becomes easier to bear. and why not? persona games cover a breadth of difficult topics. 

especially in a game like P5, which talks at length about modern day japan’s ailments, what good is it if the player walks away with a defeatist attitude that the future will be terrible? 

if reality is malleable like morgana says, isn’t the first step to have hope that this is true?

this post has gone on a lot longer than i thought it would. but in any event. that’s why it is valid to say that akechi being a minor “exonerates” him to a degree. 

also selim bradley lives because fma:b concurs that children are a hope for a better future and fma:b is particularly invested in this line of thought because it’s a story about edward transitioning from a child to a young adult who is learning about the ways that the world works and is also still just childlike enough to propose that the world shouldn’t have to work in the bloody, awful way that it does. selim is representative that all children should be given as many chances as possible to do and be better because they are representative of potential. if that wasn’t clear. lmao.

#meta #mine

[abigailnussbaum]

The Umbrella Academy, S2

I was pretty underwhelmed by the first season of The Umbrella Academy, and if it weren’t high summer with hardly any new TV to be seen, I might not have bothered with the second one. But to my surprise, season 2 of The Umbrella Academy is a massive - and, to my eyes, deliberate - improvement on the first. It’s not great TV by any stretch, but it’s engaging and fun to watch, and you find yourself caring about the characters and wanting to follow along with their story, all things that the dour first season failed to achieve.

My fundamental problem with the first season of The Umbrella Academy is that the show failed to convince me that its core family was worth saving. The basic premise of the show - seven superpowered children raised by an abusive tyrant who saw them purely as instruments to be deployed, and played psychological games intended to grind down their independence and prevent any chance of their feeling a stronger loyalty to one another than to him - is obviously a rich and evocative one (albeit also one that requires a depth and complexity of writing that very few superhero shows evince). But the premise of the first season - the surviving Hargreeves children, reunited at their father’s funeral, have to find a way to overcome their differences and move past their difficult upbringing or the world will literally end - kept bumping up against the simple fact that I didn’t want this family to endure. The Hargreeves were so mean to one another, and seemed to have so little affection for each other, that I couldn’t make myself believe they wouldn’t be better off just going their separate ways.

The show itself seemed to realize this, because it ended the first season with the Hargreeves’ dysfunction and inability to honestly address how badly they’d mistreated one another ultimately being the cause of the apocalypse, and with the siblings deciding that their only possible course of action was to reset their lives and rebuild their relationships from the ground up. It was the show tacitly admitting that the Hargreeves family was unsalvageable, and while that’s a bold storytelling choice, the writing just wasn’t there to support it. I finished the first season feeling rather fatigued with both the story and the characters, and uninterested in watching them relive their lives.

The second season feels like a soft reboot of that premise. The trip through time on which the first season ended is retconned - instead of sending their consciousnesses back to their childhood selves, the Hargreeves instead end up as their own adult versions in the early 1960s. The apocalypse they fled 2019 to avoid and were hoping to prevent by reliving their childhoods and repairing their relationships from first principles is essentially forgotten. Instead the Hargreeves focus on preventing a different, new apocalypse scheduled for November 25th 1963, and once they succeed at that, 2019 is altered in unspecified ways that prevent the end of the world from happening.

Most importantly, the Hargreeves suddenly feel like a family. A dysfunctional family, to be sure, whose members have to figure out how to relate to one another now that the abuser who shaped and poisoned their relationships is finally gone. But there is a suddenly a lot of affection between the siblings, even if most of it is expressed through teasing and needling at one another’s weaknesses. In S1, the Hargreeves felt like people who genuinely had no interest in knowing one another. In S2, they feel like people who don’t know how to relate to each other, but want to figure it out.

You see this in a lot of other things that the second season does to respond to frequently-voiced complaints about the first season. In S1, everyone hated how domineering Luther was and how badly he treated Vanya, so almost the first thing he does in S2 is apologize to her for his failings as a brother, and acknowledge that a large portion of the fault for her breakdown falls on him. Everyone was a bit weirded out by the Luther/Alison ship, so it gets barely any play in S1 (though with a bone thrown to the shippers right at the end). Everyone was charmed by Klaus and Diego, so they both get major storylines (and Diego, in particular, is softened and made more vulnerable, the better to take advantage of David Castañeda’s charisma). Everyone wanted more of Ben, so he becomes more vocal and even gets to interact with characters besides Klaus. Everyone got tired of Alison namechecking a daughter that we had no intrest in, so she barely comes up even though Alison is not only separated from her by a distance of sixty years, but last saw her in a world that was being destroyed by a meteor impact. And everyone came away from the first season saying “no way Vanya is straight”, and lo, she is not straight.

It’s an approach that you see in other Netflix shows - Stranger Things, in particular, is practically defined by its responsiveness to audience complaints, with each season overcorrecting in the direction of whatever reaction was most loudly expressed over the previous one. Ideally, you’d want showrunners to have a strong enough sense of their characters, story, and world that they don’t need the audience to function as a cowriter, but in the case of The Umbrella Academy, these changes are mostly to the good. I might have liked the darker story the show seemed to be telling in the first season, about a group of abused children who genuinely don’t like each other but also can’t relate to anyone outside of their family, but the writing wasn’t there for it. The lighter, softer version of The Umbrella Academy delivered by S2 actually works, so the show should stick with it.

It certainly helps that the second season shoulders several topics that I wouldn’t have expected the show to be able to address with any amount of grace. I have to admit that I cringed when I realized that Alison, trapped in the South in the early 60s, had joined the civil rights movement, because superhero stories do not have a great track record dealing with social justice, much less real-world movements. But the handling of this issue ends up being smarter and more effective than I could ever have hoped. It’s still a side-story to the main event of preventing the end of the world, but in the scenes and episodes that do place it front and center, the show is unflinching. The depiction of the lunch counter protest that Alison and her group organize, and of the vicious hostility they encounter for such a small, simple demand, is unsparing. It establishes both the depth of the hatred and violence that the protest arouses, and the impossibility of resisting “peacefully” against a system the views any assertion of your humanity as an act of violence.

I was also a bit concerned over the placement of Alison, in particular, at the center of a story like this. Obviously, as the only black member of the Hargreeves family, her experience in the 1960s would be unique, but she’s also a character who has been established as being too powerful for her own good, and having abused her power in order to dehumanize others. Placing her in a situation where she is being dehumanized because of her race felt like creating a fruitless tension, where Alison might feel reluctant to use her powers despite the fact that she is all-but powerless against the greater system of white supremacy. But again, the season manages to thread the needle, showing both the allure and the limitations of Alison’s mind control abiliites in the context of Jim Crow. I didn’t love the implication that Alison would almost immediately start misusing her powers once she decided to use them to open doors that racism had closed to her, but the show also makes it clear that her anger is justified, and her targets deserving.

By the same token, I heaved a great sigh when the season introduced Harlan and I realized that he was neuroatypical, because it felt almost inevitable that some aspect of the strangeness that follows the Hargreeves around would result in him being “cured”. But that didn’t happen! The season treats Harlan like a valuable and loved person who doesn’t need to become more “normal” for his life to be worth living. And though he does end up needing to be cured, it’s not of his autism, but of whatever Vanya does to him when she saves his life. I kept expecting the the moment when Harlan would turn to his mother and start speaking, and the fact that the season kept refusing to go there feels almost miraculous.

So yeah, the whole thing feels like a breath of fresh air, and as if the people at the helm are thinking a lot more deeply about their story, what works in it and what needs to be changed for it to work, than I would have said at the end of the first season. It’s still not an amazing story (part of the reason we’re able to spend so much time on subplots like Vanya’s romance with Sissy, Klaus’s cult adventures, Alison’s activism, or Diego and his conflicted relationship with Lila, is that the spine of the season is fairly perfunctory) but it does enough with the characters that I found myself genuinely interested in their relationships and eager to see how they would develop. I’m not used to shows rebuilding themselves like this, and it’s refreshing to see that even in the streaming era, that can still happen.

#the umbrella academy

[raging-parsnip]

Avatar used a simplistic and old approach to represent conflict, emotional trauma and personal growth in life. It gave a nostalgic and somewhat familiar approach to an audience of young children whilst adhering to the classic ‘hero’ adventure with a final goal and tricky path to achieve that. It gave us far more than just problem solving and battles but showed multiple heroic characters from diverse backgrounds how the lessons learned were far more valuable than their end-goal of saving the world... Although that was super important too.

The franchise impacted my outlook onto morals teaching methods on how to cope with acceptance, loss, change and identified pathways into answer finding to questions I did not know were possible of asking.

The series tackles death and new beginnings in a gentle yet seriousness light. Much unlike the ‘Disney’ approach you can clearly see how each character has been changed and shaped by their past and how each drastic experience impacts their ability to learn from and accept those situations. I believe this acts as a brilliant representation to real life events, it shows the audience from a young age that pain and suffering is a reality and can happen. It let kids experience the pain of characters which they could relate to on a personal level and allowed them to understand it in a way which was not taught but felt and learnt from.

Zuko makes a good example of this in the episode ‘Zuko alone’ where he is experiencing flashbacks from his past alongside his unhealthy state. His decision to travel alone and undergo this despair causes him to hallucinate scenarios due to his ill-state and therefore reflect upon his troubled mind and past experiences. This is a direct example of how his choice of isolation lead him to face his problems internally rather than with Iroh which although difficult, resembled one of the best episodes for his character development.

When he gives the younger boy the knife Iroh had once given him. This represents his attempt at replicating the strength he felt when he had received it himself. It presents an element of growth which reveals Zuko’s attempt at becoming a better version of himself, one that can give the bravery he once had to another at the age he once was. What is painfully obvious is that he has not yet begun to see the implications of his childhood and that giving a knife to a young boy to induce bravery is not as normal as it may have been for him. This shows how his experiences of being young were tainted by premature maturity through the expected numbness of fear and loss. Zuko put the boy into more danger by giving him the knife. His expectations from childhood and the family he was born into demonstrates a necessity for his change in character and mindset after saving him. Although, his choice of telling the family and guards that he was prince of the fire nation was arguably the wrong decision, throughout the episode he begins to show understanding and belief in people from the earth kingdom while learning to distrust his upbringing in comparison to that of the rest of the world.

Avatar allows a very unique pathway to begin which allows for a growing understanding of our place in the world untainted by mundane expectations. For example, Aang running away is a great example of how fear is tainted with a bad social understanding. Aang running away represents an ignorance toward fulfilling his duty as the Avatar yet it is a representation of how this emotion was extremely necessary in his decision to disconnect from the air nomads. He would have most likely been killed alongside them leaving the world far more defenceless against the fire nation. Arguably, it was a very smart move to run away therefore presenting the fear he felt as something, which over time, would prove to be essential in him saving the world. This represents how the show reflects upon fear as positive experience in the long run rather than something with no meaning as it pin-points an experience in Aang’s life which lead to drastic positive change through his pro-longed period of time spent in the iceberg.

This, unlike many childhood experiences which would usually consolidate fearful experiences as problems resembling weakness actually flips this negativity into a serious necessity in Aang’s life. It is not something that was brushed aside but was expended in Book One to make Aang realise his fear for what it was and what it caused and use it to fuel his motivation to create a better world. What this teaches us from childhood to adulthood is that trusting our feelings, even if they reflect those of fear is essential in shaping us in the future, making fear and focus far more impactful than fear and ignorance. By focusing on what we regret and using that as a drive to fuel meaning in productivity shows us how overcoming a pro-longed negative experience creates a far more rewarding affect which eventually demonstrates a more detailed understanding of ourselves and patience.

The show provides so much more depth into our belief of negative scenarios and even emotion, it shaped the minds of children who watched and experienced the past of characters which they resonated with, showing them direct examples of personal growth and how over time even the worst of situations helps the characters to become far better people than who they would have been if not felt. Even for children who had not experienced traumatic scenarios such as these, it provides a brilliant insight into how the timeline of waiting on positive change occurs. Personally, it gave me an understanding toward emotional growth and connection that an average school lesson could not.

Although that being said, it did not cover all bases but what it did provide was a starting point into seeing how past issues visibly link to psychological issues. It revealed how even bad decisions and choices lead to overcoming dilemmas leading to greater growth in the long run.

The creators of Avatar touch on points that children’s shows do not value today which was shown with such originality and detail it was worth talking about. This can definitely be seen in other franchises, but this is just one that affected me most as a kid and still does today. I hope the Netflix series does its justice. :P

#avatar #avatar the last airbender #fire nation #analysis

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

#ACLA24 #ACLA24Leaders #youtube #youtube video #climate leaders #climate solutions #climate action #climate and environment #climate #climate change #climate and health #climate blog #climate justice #climate news #weather and climate #environmental news #environment #environmental awareness #environment and health #environmental #environmental issues #environmental justice #environment protection #environmental health #Youtube

[leviathiane]

Fic Rec Friday - One Piece (SFW)

I am going to make this a thing. Even if its just me and like 3 people see it lol 

Ao3 Edition!

The Wanderer (MaiKusakabe) - Marco isn’t the firstmate of the Whitebeards. He’s never even met them, actually– he’s not even a pirate. But Whitebeard wants him to be one. Badly. // High Contender for my Favorite OP fic I’ve read out of all of them. Im just weak in the knees for reluctant/In-denial!Marco and the entire crew trying to reach out to their (future) eldest brother. Also has Immortal!Marco implications and im LIVING for it

Being Human (MaiKusakabe) - Slave!Marco gets taken in by Whitebeard // Listen yall know im gay for Marco-centric angst but this one really takes me by the lapels and shakes me to pieces ok i am laid low 

To Build a Home (endlessblankpages) - ASL pirates get recruited (read: kidnapped) by the Whitebeards as an apology for a misunderstanding and it All Spirals From There // Very well put together, and Completed! Incredible found-family affection and fondness, som brotherly angst, All Good All Good. 

wish by spirit and if by yes (midnightluck) - Sabo has his memories. A series of shenanigans of him and Ace just trying to take care of each other even with all their chaos and distance, with the Whitebeards and Koala as unwitting audience. // The exasperation and family affection got me fucked all the way up. Midnightluck consistently has my favorite characterization of Sabo out of everything I’ve read. 

Clipped Wings (Beyond_Kailani) - Sabo gives up everything, as long as it means his brother’s live freely. Away from his parents. // Angsty and INCREDIBLE found family trope usage. The mental struggle to do what Sabo thinks is necessary to survive vs live his life freely is A+

Trapped in Eternity (Skyleaf19) - Ace is stuck in a long term time loop and his mental health is really, really suffering from it. // this is an angst MELTING POT and i love it. It recently updated off of hiatus but im so excited about it i literally cant focus enough to read it adefsgrth LOTS of the whitebeards trying to help Ace and Ace struggling to pretend he hates them. fantastic. *chef’s kiss* 

Living Dreams (Maikusakabe) - Canon-timeline!Marco wakes up two years in the past. Before Whitebeard died. Before Ace died. Before Thatch died. He doesnt handle it well. // I dont even know where to start this is a bundle of some of my favorite tropes in one completed fic. The angst, the disbelief, the denial– it’s perfect. I’m in love

Inanition (Taizi) - small fic about how Luffy’s body works differently than his crewmates. // Short, and yet I keep coming back to it. It’s unebelievably sweet, and the tension of things left unsaid and suppressed anger out of worry is incredible.

Beginning the Next Dream (RikoJasmine) - Future!Luffy gets reborn as his own uncle, Garp’s kid and Dragon’s little brother. This changes a lot, esp. the ASL future. // Its still sort of in the beginning and already has 50k and my Heart I s2g every chapter i see updated makes me have to take a moment to calm down before I read it. Really worth the read. Very soft and sweet with the family vibes, and Luffy is a Hysterically overpowered child with haki. 

Guardian (Petiteneko) - Zoro’s POV for pre-post Dressrosa, and how Law slowly, quietly works through his frankly suicidal revenge plan. Includes lulaw // Im weak for outsider!POV mental health and trauma fics. That’s really all you need to know tbh

Acclimating (Justira) - Luffy may be the outspokenly crazy one, but he hand-picked his crew and the rest of the Strawhats are just as on his bullshit despite what they say. Law is struggling through a very nosy crew. // Similar to the fic above, Law trying to leave himself to his own self-harming tendencies and the Strawhats collectively having None Of It. 

Lionheart (cyan96) - Past!Law and Corazon get dumped into canon-timeline!Law’s submarine after a devil fruit incident. Trauma everywhere. // Manages to be funny and heartbreaking at exactly the same time! Lots of deeply buried trauma manifested suddenly and overwhelmingly. Incredible. 

The Games (Stormy1x2) - Humorous little fic about the Whitebeard’s participating in a sort of public-sport game, in which Ace volunteers and has a great time throwing shenanigans everywhere. // very cute!! another outsider!POV type as its in Marco’s POV while Ace runs around and is just excited and adorable. 

Older Brother’s Insight (Abyssal_one) - short fic about Older-brother!Luffy and Younger-brother!Ace w/ the Whitebeards // short and sweet! Im a sucker for role switch AUs and this one really highlights Luffy’s own eccentric sort of capabilities. 

Portgas D. Anne and the War of Shirts (glowingjellyfishtreelights) - Anne just doesnt like shirts. this has nothing to do with anyone else. // it’s Really funny. also incredibly accurate. 

Into Flame (Kurgaya) - Phoenix!Zoro, and the art of Not Actually Being Human But Never Saying That. // includes Zolu! Which usually isnt my jam, but im All Over non-human!AUs and this one is incredible. Zoro has three pairs of wings. Three. That’s wicked.

Pardus (ImperialMint) - A devil fruit materializes Ace’s worst fear. Which means he’s returning to the Moby Dick with Gold Roger himself at his heels. // funny, sad, and cute all at once. Cute family affection moments, lots of Ace being emotionally hurt and confused. 

Legacy (Anjelle) - Ace died and was sent back, all the way back to when his dad still was a pirate on the Oro Jackson. // Lots of emotional turmoil and childhood trauma neatly tied up with some cathartic mental revaluation ;) 

Paperwork of a Phoenix (ventusleone) - Marine!Marco and Marine!Izo happen to meet the Whitebeards during their downtime, every now and then, and, well, its not like theyre on duty. // Recently was completed! Slowburn platonic found-family vibes, a lot of Marco biting off more than he can chew and essentially being adopted in the process. 

Tension Headache and Migraine (JuHuaTai) Marco overworks himself and accidentally snaps at his crewmates, including Ace. // Very tense in the beginning and smooths out to something apologetic and softer. Has some nsfw in the end, overall Fanastic lmao

Tomorrow Never Happens (Midnightluck) - Sabo pickpockets the wrong marine and gets caught. Which sucks on a normal day, except this one is huge, and burly, and an admiral, and apparently his grandfather. // humorous and slightly angsty all at once! Another Sabo-Gets-His-Memories-Back-Canon-Divergence type story, because I am simple and predictable and it’s still fantastic. 

Blue Moon (MyLadyDay) - Werewolf!Marco protects the forest. It just so happens that (Witch?)Ace does so too. // Has some very quiet vibes I really dig, very calm and makes me think of a deep grey-blue color for some reason. Like Full moonlight through the trees. Very cute

#these arent even... half my favorites #but if i kept going id never stop :/ i have a lot #im gonna just start doing this every so often on a friday bc its Fun and i like mentioning people who make good content #please check them out! #fic rec #op fic rec #one piece #fanfiction #fanfic rec #Portgas D. Ace #revolutionary sabo #monkey d. luffy #marco the phoenix #uhh i think ill die if i tag everyone. lets stop there #anyway its 2am so not really friday anymore but u get it lmao goodnight #mine #lmk if yall want more recs ajhfgyehu ill give them ANYWAY but #if any o fu have a specific fandom in mind i probably have a couple to point out for u to check out #im only doing OP on my own bc thats my current fix #and i havent been in KNY long enough to find all the gold #but send me a fandom in ask and i can probably whip something up provided ive been in said fandom #also im active on both Ao3 and FF so specify which site if u want a list pls

[kurtty-drabbles]

Pirate au Redone

N/A: I´m thinking about certain arcs and ALL its bad implications and while I did make a Pirate au that involves SCPs and Lovecraftian shit, but, let´s try a different approach here. I want to make Ray the main antagonist here because frankly, she has every reason to be angry with Jean. Now, you´ll ask me "Oh you´ll make Ray be extra evil to Kurt since you hate this ship very much?" plot twist: NO. To me, Kurt is nothing to Ray, and it is not worth to think about it.  I´m taking some pieces of some arcs Marvel created and tossed around...every action has consequences.

@dannybagpipesarecalling @djinmer4 @bamfoftheundead @everykurt

In space, no one can hear your scream. In space, time is everlasting as is equally cold and Rachel Grey is cover by the Pheonix Force -eyes closed burning the last remnant of the Hound that Cassandra Cain tried, feverishly Rachel recalls, to implant on her mind again- and opens her eyes slowly as her fingers itch on her glove as she´s motilities her fingers till reach her temple.

Can you hear me now?

Her face frown as her lips remain in a thin line for long as her fingers shiver slightly along with her eyes who is shimmering with the fire is so associated with herself and, of course, with her mother.

Rachel Grey Summers. Can you hear me?

"I can hear you. I can feel you...Pheonix...who else would still bother to speak with me!" Rachel exclaims now shouting using her mind and own voice-it makes no difference when you´re an Omega telepath or a Summers- and her eyes continue to reflect her inferno.

There´s no more trace of Hound in your mind, Rachel...Cassandra´s machination is no more. You can feel your mind and memories intact.

Rachel tsk louder and shake her head as her breath heaven got heavy and her mind is miles away remembering her childhood-a time before the grimy tales her adulthood still clings and loathes so much- and recalls her mother, the real one, mention how her hair shines ''like fire, just like mine'' she recalls her father calling her kiddo (both Scott call her like that and is haywire the memories and feelings)

"Pheonix...did you curse me?" she asked with anger with her eyes twisted as her face is matching her inner turmoil- she stops breathing heavy as she recalls the few moments kid Rachel meet Kate and Frank in a nice and normal day- and asks again. "Are you using me to punish Jean Grey? Scott Summers? Humanity? Because...if so, your plan is failing...I´m not that special to make Jean suffer and ..." she stops speaking as her lips twists upside down and her fire is gone. "She´s not my mother as she let very clear"

Rachel...I´d not hate you...If I did...you wouldn´t be here.

"Fantastic...so, I´m just the punching bag...do you hate gay mutants?" Rachel jokes humorless as her chuckle is dry and she only stops when she tastes her tears.

No, child. I feel no hate for one´s sexuality. And I´m here to offer you a deal. A nice deal and one you deserve.

"Sure you don´t want to make deals With Nate Grey?" her tone is rugged and whatever she wanted to say-and she wants to say more. She knows and Pheonix knows- a version of Jean Grey appears to dry her tears in a fashion Ray´s mom used to do to a small Ray.

"Nate is not my host. Nate is not the one I´m close...I was your mother...yes" Pheonix states calmly before Rachel promptly mentions some of her mistakes. "I did some mistakes in the past and I know you and I love you. I´m your mother...notwithstanding of my mistakes and I want to make amends with you, Rachel Grey Summers" Pheonix clarifies gentle and such tone is almost similar to the Mother of Everything. Almost.

"What is happening on Earth?" Rachel looks down at the Earth below her feet without a smile or shines in her eyes. "Are they looking for me?" her tone is almost childlike. Almost.

"Nate Grey went insane and create a pocket dimension...uhum" Pheonix explains and rubs her chin-Pheonix likes to feel her bodies no matter the situation as she loves her original form - and speaks in an amused tone. "Zaorva did something much better...I could show you Earth 34. It is a real paradise and everyone respects each one culture" Rachel is not interested in this Earth and Pheonix is not offended. "Nate creates this world where he does minds controlled a large group of X-men where love and sex are forbidden and well...Kurt Wagner is a weapon to rape Meggan Puceanu" Pheonix explains bored.

"What? Can you explain this to me?" Rachel asked curious at this. "Can he do this?" as her eyes are solely focused on Pheonix.

"Yes, and with a group of other mutants who held a secret sex club and even create a fake daughter to Kurt. Apocalypse is resurrected by Nate as well and is now acting as buddies with Kitty and is about to kiss her...uhm" she humms amused again. "Her mind is a bit stronger as she´s questioning this fake reality a little...that´s impressive!" Pheonix concludes.

"No one is...talking about me?" She asked in watery eyes. "They speak about mutants rights and they completely forget about me...and my trauma again" she sniffs and a memory of little Ray hiding in a corner to cry until her father finds her and offers a doll to appease the lil Ray.

"If it serves consolation...no one will hear or care for Meggan´s trauma...oh, now they defeat Nate...and yes, no one will talk about this or what truly happens. The X-men will pretend this never exist!" Pheonix states calmly caress Ray´s short hair- is now flammable and similar to the Pheonix- as the woman is blocking the memories of a distant past.

"You´re not here to rub this on my face...So, what deal do you want to take with me?"

"Revenge, my dear. It is not something I usually seek, but, I´m more than happy to offer my help in this case...they offended you. They offended me" she states recalling ''no more Pheonix'' and Rachel is silent as Pheonix sweat the deal. "I can promise that Jean Grey, not your mother, will never ignore you"

Rachel´s eyes glow in the same fire as Pheonix and she raises her hand. "We humans when we make a deal we shake hands" and Pheonix offer her hand amused and impressed by the gesture. A sultry smile plays on Pheonix's face and is mirroring by Rachel.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

The aftermatch of Nate´s betray and timeless demise hits the news strongly- the news is slipt in two ways ''the X-mean are out heroes'' or ''the x-men are the worst'' - and the Avengers´s fans wonder why the Avengers weren´t there.

A strong hand stomp on the round table firmly enough and causing a loud sound that prompts the others to listen to the one who did cause the noise. "A mutant was that powerful?! How we had no idea...and once again, that mutant is linked to Scott Summers again..." and Tony Stark looks to Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver with penetrating eyes.

Pietro is ready to defend his sister, but, she gentle hold his arm and offers a political smile- Wanda is the one who knows how to play the game. Pietro, while looking like Magneto, has no patience to do any revolution or manipulation- and this holds him back for now.

"And what you want us to do, Tony?" Wanda asked feigning innocence as her eyes land on Cap Marvel for a moment who is looking away - is possible to see her lips trembling for a few moments- "the Avengers let clear they won´t help the X-men ever and I think...everyone recall when I went..." she pauses for a moment. "what´s the kind word you use against me? Oh right, I was crazy with power...so, should I just go and say no more...." she blinks at him ignorantly and Tony sighs.

"You have a point!" and adds. "Plus...Nate Grey is dead...I just wonder about those mutants who are too powerful...how can we trust him"

"Geez Tony, thank you, why you don´t say you don´t like Jews and Romani but say we´re special" Pietro states in a barked tone.

"You seem to forget we´re mutants...mutants that have a hate-hate relationship with Magneto, but, still mutants...and if you´re so anti-X-men and so anti-mutant...maybe we, the mutants" Wanda speaks rosing from the chair along with her brother. "should leave and form our group," she said that looking at her twin´s eyes who nods in agreement.

"Wait, I didn't mean..." too late as Quicksilver takes Wanda and both are gone in a blink of an eye.

Thor, who was watching cat videos and ignoring some of the tension of this meeting, put the cellphone down and speaks. "Nice Tony, now we lost our speedster and the most powerful Avenger ever. So...to top that off, I´ll be back to Asgard ...Enchantress and I have things to do there and Loki is behind this"

Cap Marvel didn´t leave but didn´t show any support to Tony Stark.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Kitty Pryde is on the beach watching the waves. Something is soothing in watching the formation of a wave, its wavelength, and how the salty water touches the sand. She hears someone teleport and offers a smile as she turns her head around to see Magik with booze in her hands.

"Yana, you´re a terrible influence!" Kitty jokes as she accepts the booze and drinks as Yana is looking at everything but Kitty.

"Wanna make jokes about how Kurt is a slut?" Yana suggests and the cut look she received proves this is not a great idea. "Sorry, it is just I´m not good at cheering people up. That was your thing...I just want to know how are you?" Yana asks now gazing into Kitty´s eyes. A bit puffy and Kitty´s not hiding her fear.

"I´m feeling so many things Yana. Fear, anger, regret, jealousy, pity, and love all laced in one confusing mess...when my life became like this? I almost marry Piotr" she makes a nasty face. "Sorry"

"I get it...you two are not compatible and I´m glad you didn´t marry him either"

"And after this whole mess...Excalibur is more than dead!"

"Yeah...I heard Psylocke mentioning this...Meggan is physically alright but uhm...I heard she´ll you know" Yana looks a bit uncomfortable and is looking for the right words. "let´s say she wants to close her fabric to prevent anything...after what Nate forced her to endure"

"That´s a big step and if she wants that...is in her right"

"And you?"

"And that´s what scares me, Yana...I have no idea"

#Pirate au redone au #Rachel Grey #Meggan deserves better #actions has consequences #Kitty Pryde #Illyana Rasputin #The Pheonix #revenge #Krakoa is shitty #let´s destroy this shitty place #Wanda and Pietro are bros #M incident mentioned

[hamliet]

Scrubs (yes the sitcom)

Seasons 1-8 since we’re not touching season 9 and its new cast. 

A sitcom that, by its fourth episode, showed (as it would continue to show) that it was at its best when it was at its most heartbreaking, because those were often the moments that it was also at its most heartwarming. The theme of “My Old Lady” (the fourth episode) is really that you can’t save everyone and death is indeed scary (a recurring theme in Scrubs), and you have to acknowledge that. But even in that fear, there are beautiful moments too, and taking the time to breathe and feel the sun and find something warm even in those moments can get you through them. 

Dr. Kelso, Dr. Cox, Jordan, Elliott, Turk, and Carla were my favorite characters, though everyone was well done, from JD to Laverne to the Janitor. Jordan was just... an enjoyable twist on the devil woman archetype. For that matter, almost every character was really a hyperbolic, exaggerated character for comedic effect. Elliott’s eccentricities, Kelso’s cruelty, Cox’s grumpiness, Ted’s cowardice and incompetence, Todd’s sexuality, JD’s need for approval--they were all exaggerated for comedic purposes (which ties into why things weren’t ruined for me with those characters, but they could be for other people and it’s legit if so). Elliott was relatable in her anxieties, her parental issues, her relationship struggles. Cox’s breakdown in season 5 really got me, and Laverne--along with Turk and Cox’s sister Paige--all had their faith treated as an important part of their character just as Cox’s atheism was an important part of his, which I appreciated. Everyone was respected. 

i also enjoyed how different seasons focused on slowly building up towards a breakdown of different characters. For example, Carla and Turk in season 4, JD and Cox in season 5 (kept focusing more than normal on his arrogance and that went places). The relationships were also really well written and enjoyable. From the Janitor and Lady, to Ted and Gooch, to Cox and Jordan, Elliott and JD, and of course Carla and Turk, each couple had their own unique foiling and unique strengths that made them appealing together. Their personalities always remained unique, but together they made something beautiful. And the friendships were just as powerful.

I appreciated that a main theme was that there are no easy answers. Be it professionally, relationally, grief, marriage, parenting--nothing is easy, but that doesn’t mean it’s miserable either. As Dr. Kelso says in season 4, “nothing worth having comes easy.” The nuance was great in this show. For me in particular, the episodes that focused on grief (and a LOT of them did) were incredibly cathartic and healing for me, as I’ve been working through my dad’s death over the past year. 

The show was really good. The soundtrack was always on point--music as a whole was brilliantly used in this series. I highly recommend it if you want a feel-good show that doesn’t avoid even the darker aspects of life, and if you’re wrangling with grief. 

Of course, it’s got its issues too. It hasn’t aged well, like at all, in how it portrays race and especially in its portrayal of sexual harassment. Todd Quinlan is basically Mineta from BNHA as a doctor--but somehow still likable/has redeeming qualities. STill, Todd’s actions are really despicable (as are Dr. Kelso’s towards his wife) even while played for comedy, and none of these things would fly today as funny, nor should they. But within the context of the series as a whole, in my personal opinion they didn’t ruin it for me even if I cringed. I still liked Todd and loved Dr. Kelso as characters. 

Season 8 in particular was weaker than the other seasons, and if it weren’t for the writer’s strike in season 7 which cut it very short, I kind of think season 7 would have wrapped the show up. Season 8 had less budget, so the main characters didn’t always appear in episodes, and the jokes were a bit more... insensitive/cheap rather than clever like in the past (it switched networks between seasons 7 and 8 too). That being said, Season 8 did magnificently conclude the characters’ arcs, with Kelso stepping into a mentor role and a new friendship with Cox, to Cox and Jordan’s relationship, Carla and Turk’s, Elliott finding her worth and feeling as if it was okay to chase her desires, Ted and the Janitor both finding love with Gooch and Lady respectively, and everyone passing the torch to the new interns, wherein our cast became the teachers. 

For my favorite episodes: 

My Old Lady (season 1 episode 4). This episode really set the whole theme and tone of the show, and deserved the award it won. 

My Own Personal Jesus (season 1 episode 11). A hilarious rendition of “The Twelve Days of Christmas” and the really cool theme of Christmas spirit made this great.

My Dream Job (season 2 episode 22). The last minutes of this episode were pure satisfactory gold that also marked a really important step in Dr. Cox’s, Elliott’s, and Dr. Kelso’s characters, and honestly JD’s as well. Also Ryan Reynolds guest-stars. 

My Own American Girl (season 3 episode 1). This is one of the few ones on here for mostly comedy. “My machines!” is one of the funniest scenes I’ve ever seen. 

My Brother Where Art Thou (Season 3 episode 5). Scrubs has a habit of doing excellent mini, cross-season arcs with its minor characters, and JD’s brother Dan had a great arc that continued in every episode he appeared in over the seasons. But his moment with Dr. Cox at the end makes this my favorite of the Dan episodes. 

My Friend, the Doctor (season 3 episode 8). I loved the development for the Janitor. 

My Screw-Up (season 3 episode 14). Like with Dan, Ben’s episodes as the brother of Jordan and best friend of Dr. Cox all really stood out, and this one’s twist at the end, plus expert foreshadowing, made it fantastic viewing. 

My Boss’ Free Haircut (season 4 episode 20). Dr. Kelso’s humanity begins to emerge more, and his speech to his patient and to Turk is what I referenced above. It also deals with Carla and Turk’s marital issues in an empathetic way, and Carla is given room to grieve for her mom in a way that really resonated with me. 

My New God (season 5 episode 5). Cox’s reveal of his childhood and interactions with Paige--a character who easily could have been played for ridicule but was instead given empathy for her beliefs just as Cox was--resonated with me. 

My Bright Idea (season 5 episode 16). From JD’s hilarious slip-up in front of the priest to Carla and Turk’s pregnancy reveal in the episode’s final episodes, it was golden all the way through. I cried from happiness in this episode. 

My Lunch & My Fallen Idol (season 5 episodes 20-21). I don’t remember the last time I cried so hard at a show/movie since Hodor died in Game of Thrones. It was based on a real case, and helped me cope with my own grief, in addition to giving a powerful development to Cox and JD’s relationship. I think these are the two best episodes. 

My Musical (season 6 episode 6). Despite the idea of making an episode a musical, the premise for why it was a musical was clever, and the songs (”Guy Love” in particular) were hilarious. 

My Long Goodbye (season 6 episode 15). Within a week of watching “My Lunch,” I watched this one and cried just as hard. This episode and the one that comes before it are really powerful, but they hurt. 

My Cold Shower (Season 6 episode 19). Despite Elliott making a mistake, the way her friends are all genuinely happy for her and JD’s realization in the end that he loves her were... moving. 

My Dumb Luck (season 7 episode 9). The episode that shows you just how much Dr. Kelso developed, from character you loved because you hated him to character you saw how much he cared. It was the perfect development for him.

My Princess (season 7 episode 11). A really clever use of a fairy-tale AU, and a powerful story too that allowed for Jordan and Cox to have one of their more humanizing, tender moments. Yet again, in the end though, the implications aren’t that you can save everyone, but even in failure, there’s something to believe in. 

My Full Moon (season 8, episode 13) On the whole I think season 8 is the weakest of the acknowledged seasons (I’ve no interest in season 9) but it does have some really lovely conclusions, like I said, and this one concluded Elliott’s arc in a satisfying way. As she’s one of my faves, and as it has a really well-acted scene where she tells a patient they are HIV positive (as HIV awareness and decreasing the stigma are very important to me), it’s one of my favorites.

My Finale (Part 2) (season 8, episode 19) A really excellent final scene and a powerful series message. 

#scrubs #hamliet reviews #elliott reid #john dorian #chris turk #carla espinosa #perry cox #jordan sullivan #kelso

[imbeccablee]

Starcrossed

read here on ao3

Notes: I’ve been working on this for a while, mostly on and off, and I thought I’d finally share it! I’m quite excited for this whole fic so I hope you all enjoy it!

Summary:

Krel and Aja visit Earth, carve their own worth from the universe with the help of each other and their new friends, and maybe find some love along the way.

Pairings: Kreli, Staja

“It is said Seklos and Gaylen were the original corebonded—two beings connected on an impossibly cosmic scale, their destinies intertwined. And when Gaylen became corrupt with power and Seklos sacrificed herself to stop him, in its anger, the universe stripped itself and its beings of its vibrant artistry. ‘These two beings have forsaken their bond,’ it said, ‘and their corruption is sure to spread.’ The universe punished its inhabitants to live a life of gray. The only way to restore that sight is to reunite with the person or persons connected to your very essence, your core. ‘This is the only way to see this bond is never taken for granted.’”

“Well, that’s a little ridiculous,” Krel said. Aja snorted while Papa sighed. Krel went on, “I mean, how can a universe talk? And how does a universe feel emotion? And even if it could do those things, how are we supposed to know for sure what it said and felt?”

“It is the principle of the matter, Krel,” Papa said. “This is how our people explain the corebond phenomena.”

Krel crossed his arms over his torso. “Well, I guess I just don’t see what the big deal is. Like, really, what’s so great about this cosmic connection.” He sang the last two words to make them sound spooky and mystical. Aja laughed behind one of her hands. “All it does is, what? Lets us see color? I don’t understand why it governs so much of our lives." Krel paused and the room was silent. After a moment, Krel sighed. "I just wish it wasn’t so important.”

Aja placed a hand on Krel’s arm and he gave her a half-smile. Mama and Papa looked at him sympathetically and he kind of hated it.

“Krel,” Mama said gently. “Is this really just about corebonds? Because if you have something you need to talk about—”

Krel tensed minutely and looked down, schooling his features. “Of course it is,” he said, staring at the gray, gray floor. Aja’s hand was still on his arm and he could somewhat see her crestfallen expression. He knew she was thinking the same thing he was. “I guess I’m just not a fan of talking about something I’m never going to have.” 

—

As a child, Krel rushed through the gray halls of the palace, muffling his giggles behind two hands. Aja had started counting about a mekron ago, which meant he didn’t have much time before she would start looking. A few guards smiled in amusement at the child prince as he rushed passed, to which he gave a delighted wave.

In all honesty, there weren’t many places in the halls to hide in, so really he had to find a room with enough clutter to reasonably hide his small frame. If only the staff didn’t keep everything so tidy!

“Come out, come out, wherever you are!” Aja’s lilting voice traveled down the hall and startled him. Frantically, he turned a corner and spotted an open door. With an excited grin, he rushed towards it and skidded inside, hitting the button to close it as he crossed the threshold. Still giddy, Krel continued further in. There were quite a few boxes in here, stacked in the middle of the room, and after curiosity got the better of him, he climbed up the tower and discovered they contained weapons. They glowed with their usually pale gray light, humming with energy.

Krel frowned, but ultimately let his suspicion go. The weapons were probably being shipped off to different parts of the planet, or to other planets that needed them. He wasn’t entirely up to date on the political aspect of his parents’ duties currently, so he didn’t really have any right to question this.

“I’m just saying, I find it a little weird that they haven’t revealed who her corebonded is.”

Krel nearly fell from his perch on the side of the stacked boxes and quickly recovered the box of weapons, ready to make an excuse for why he was in there, when the words processed in his mind. Reveal who’s corebond?

Krel crept toward the back of the room, but found no one else. For a moment, he thought he’d just imagined it when another voice responded.

“Well, it is kind of a personal moment in someone’s life. They could just want the privacy.”

The voices were coming from a vent in the floor, presumably from a room below the one Krel sat in. He knelt in front of the vent and leaned his head down to hear better, the game all but forgotten in his mind.

“But the royal families have always declared their heir’s corebonded within a few delsens after they discover it! That way, by the time the heir is of age, their corebonded is ready to take the throne as well.” The royal families? Wait, they’re talking about— “I just feel it’s kind of suspicious they’re keeping the information hidden. I mean, look at what happened when Lady Mirana of House Akram hid her son’s corebond information… or lack thereof,” said the first voice. "Scandal of the century, I'll tell you what."

The second gasped. “Are you implying you think Princess Aja is bondless?”

Krel froze. They were talking about Aja? Why? What made them think she didn't have a corebond?

“I’m just saying it’s very much in the realm of possibility,” the first explained. “I mean, think about it. Aja passes the time when children normally have their corebonded declared, and suddenly the royals are incredibly hush-hush about the subject?”

“It’s not like the king and queen have broken past traditions before,” the second countered. Krel nodded along, not wanting to believe their implication.

The first sighed, seemingly relenting a little. “I suppose you’re right. But it doesn’t make it any less suspicious to me.” There was a short pause where Krel felt infinitely better with the subject being concluded before the first chuckled lightly. “And, well, I guess it doesn’t exactly matter, what with Prince Krel and all. It’s not like when you’re a royal there’s any real reason to have a second kid than to have a backup in case the first one doesn’t work out for whatever reason."

Krel stopped, hearing an odd rushing in his ears. It felt like he was frozen stiff, like he was mounted to the spot. He didn’t want to keep listening, didn’t want to believe that that was the reason he was here in the first place, but couldn’t bring himself to move.

“Hey now, that’s a little uncalled for.” The second one laughed, though it sounded awkward, like the sound of surprise rather than of humor. “I’d like to think our king and queen are a little more honorable than that. And it’s entirely possible Princess Aja’s corebonded is just not Akiridion, you know?”

“That’d almost be worse, don’t you think?” the first said. “I mean, no offense to any other creature in the universe, but personally I would want Akiridions on the throne, not one Akiridion and some random person from, I dunno, Delbar or something.”

“I guess you’re right…” The second person sounded much more hesitant, like they didn’t necessarily agree but also didn’t necessarily disagree, either.

“But like I said, I guess it doesn’t really matter since the prince is in the picture. I mean, what are the odds that both royal children have corebonds that aren’t Akiridion, right?” The two laughed together before seemingly continuing onto their jobs, the conversation over.

Krel didn’t move, however. He stayed bent over that vent, absently, his eyes dull. He could almost picture himself, actually. A gray and black figure with four arms and a slight frame, pale gray hair spiked backwards, his black and gray eyes unseeing. Gray, gray, gray, all dull and boring and a reminder that he hadn’t yet found his corebonded, assuming they even existed at all; an idea he hadn't even considered until that moment, an idea that now scared him more than anything.

He distantly heard the door open and then Aja’s voice proclaiming she’d found him, but even as he was pulled from his stupor, feigning disappointment at having lost, he couldn’t help thinking, What if I don’t have one? What if they’re not Akiridion? What happens then?

He didn’t have any answers.

—

Less than a week later, his mama and papa announced that they would refrain from publicly announcing his and Aja’s corebonded until it came to officially proclaim their heir. They decided this, they said, so that he, Aja, and their corebonded could spend their childhoods in peace while they prepared for the future, and so the families of their corebonded would be safe as well.

All the while Krel tried to ignore how Aja’s fists were clenched behind her back, her face carefully devoid of emotion as she stared unseeing into the crowd.

—

That night, his room felt simultaneously too big and too small. He laid on his side, knees tucked nearly to his chin and wished almost desperately for his body to fall into stasis. Something it, of course, vehemently denied him.

Bondless… 

The word had been haunting him these last few delsens. It plagued his dreams and lingered in his mind throughout the day. He knew his family was beginning to notice the strange, distant way he was acting, but he couldn’t even begin to think about how he would broach the subject with them.

How exactly did you ask your parents about whether or not you were born because you were wanted, or because they needed a plan B in case Aja didn’t work out?

With an irritated noise, Krel threw himself up, twisting on his bed so his feet dangled just above the floor. He kept himself upright with two hands and covered his face with the other two. When it didn’t look like the thoughts were going away, Krel slid off his bed and made his way for the door connecting his and Aja’s room. 

He gently pressed the button to open it, as if that would make less noise, and crept into her room. Like him, Aja was curled on her side, but she seemed to be sleeping soundly. He hated to wake her, but there was literally no one else he could talk to. Mama and Papa were… out of the question.

Krel knelt by Aja’s bed and placed one hand on her arm. “Aja,” he whispered as he shook her gently. “Aja!”

“Hm? What?” she murmured, eyes fluttering.

“Um,” Krel hesitated, the question burning his throat. He tried another approach. “Could I… stay with you, tonight?”

Aja rubbed one of her eyes, propping herself up with her two right arms. “Huh? I mean, yes, but why?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

Aja nodded like that was an acceptable answer and slid over to make more room. Grateful, Krel crawled beside her and sighed in relief as Aja’s arms wrapped around him. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

“No. Yes. I don’t know.” Krel turned his head so his face was half buried in one of Aja’s pillows.

Aja giggled sleepily, rubbing her hands up and down Krel’s back. “That’s okay, little brother, we do not have to talk. We can just sleep.”

She closed her eyes again and her hands stilled on his back. He looked at her for a few moments before sighing. “Aja, um…”

“Are you implying Princess Aja is bondless?”

“Yes?” Aja’s eyes were open again, looking at him patiently, oblivious to how the light gray and void black mocked him.

“I’m just saying it’s very much in the realm of possibility. “I mean, think about it. Aja passes the time in which children normally have their corebonded declared, and suddenly the royals are incredibly hush-hush about the subject? 

And, well, I guess it doesn’t exactly matter, what with Prince Krel and all. It’s not like when you’re a royal there’s any real reason to have a second kid than to have a backup in case the first one doesn’t work out for whatever reason."

“Um…” Krel faltered. “Do you ever think about where your corebonded might be?”

Minutely, Aja froze. If he hadn’t been so close to her, he probably wouldn’t have noticed. “Er,” she stammered. “O-Of course, Krel, who doesn’t?”

“Well,” Krel paused, the words stuck in his throat. “Most Akiridions, apparently, since they find their corebonded when they’re young.” Aja flinched. “And I just… I just wonder about ours,” Krel plowed on. “Like… imagine, being brought before the royals of Akiridion-5 and it being revealed that you are cosmically bonded with one of the royals’ children.” He forced out a laugh. “That’d be—That’d be crazy, right? Imagine.”

“Krel…”

“And then… I was just thinking about how devastating it would be if that were to never happen,” he said, and Aja stared at him. He swallowed hard and continued. “I was just thinking about how there might not be some Akiridion kid who walks up those steps to Mama and Papa and is declared to be bonded to one of us. I was thinking about how, when our ceremonies happen, what if one of us doesn’t find our match on Akiridion-5. I was thinking about how we might not… find them at all.”

Aja’s lips were pursed together now, and for a moment she just stared at him. Then, “Krel, you know that’s not—”

“Aja, why didn’t Mama and Papa declare your corebonded?” Krel interrupted.

“That’s—I—”

“Why haven’t I met them yet, at least?” Krel continued. “Why haven’t you explained how pretty everything is in color yet? You’re passed the age where they find out, right? So what happened?”

“Krel, nothing happened!” Aja cut in. She sat up abruptly and moved away from him, and Krel immediately missed the comfort that came from her close presence. “It’s just—complicated.”

“I don’t get it!” Krel sat up too. “Why are Mama and Papa breaking tradition and waiting to declare ours?”

“Because—”

“Why were you so tense at the announcement today?”

“That’s—”

“Everyone has a corebond—right?—so why haven’t you found yours yet?”

“Because I might not have one!” Aja finally shouted. She flinched and looked away from Krel’s surprised expression, her hands balling into fists.

Krel stewed in their silence, feeling both ashamed and desperate for a different answer. Finally, his sympathy won out. “I’m… sorry, Aja, I shouldn’t have been so forceful.”

Aja sighed and tucked some hair behind her ear. “No, it’s… I would’ve been curious too…” She opened her fists and looked down at them. “Mama and Papa said that them not finding my corebonded doesn’t mean anything besides that they’re not Akiridion. They said it was totally and completely okay and normal for this to happen, but…” She shook her head. 

“But… you kind of feel like you’ve let them down?” Krel guessed. He mimicked Aja's position, wrapping his arms tightly around his knees. “And that they were just saying that to make you feel better?”

“Er, yeah.” Aja looked up, surprised. “But why do you…” Krel gave her a lopsided smile, a look in his eye saying you know. “Oh, Krel, you know they’re so proud of you. They love you so much.”

Krel sighed and looked at his feet. “Yeah. I know. It’s just hard to really feel it sometimes, especially when I also know I’m not what Papa really wanted in a son. I’m not exactly your average prince.”

Aja giggled and punched his arm lightly. “Who would want an average prince when they could have a genius one like you?”

Krel smiled, still sad, but grateful. “Thanks, Aja.”

“So…” She sidled up beside him again, leaning against her propped up knees to look him in the eye. “Are you gonna tell me what brought on the corebond stuff?”

“I…” Krel broke eye contact. “I overheard some of the staff talking a couple delsens ago and it… I dunno, I guess it got to me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing too weird, I guess, it’s just…” Krel shook his head. “They were talking about you… and your possible corebonded.”

“Oh.” Aja looked put out again.

“And then…” Krel continued. “They… started talking about me.”

Aja’s face switched from melancholic to furious so quickly Krel reeled back a little. “What did they say about you?” she growled and Krel felt a little better knowing Aja would so quickly defend his honor.

“Not a lot,” he quickly replied. “Just… Well, they just implied something, and it’s making me feel… weird.”

“... What was it?” Aja asked slowly.

Krel rubbed at the faintly glowing gray lines going around his feet. “When they were talking about you, they implied that Mama and Papa wouldn’t have wanted you as their heir because of your corebonded. Which isn’t true of course!” Krel quickly amended, seeing something dark cross through Aja’s eyes. “But… then they said that was where I came in. That I… was only made in case something went… wrong with you because it wasn’t likely that I, too, would have a non-Akiridion corebonded, and that it was “only right that only Akiridions take the throne”.”

Aja laid a hand on one of Krel’s. “Oh, Krel, that’s not true at all.”

“I… know,” he said, but he hesitated and Aja noticed too.

“Mama and Papa love you, Krel,” she insisted.

“I know,” Krel said. “I don’t… I normally don’t doubt that.” Aja gave him an exasperated look that he ignored. “It’s just… all I can think about now.”

“Don’t listen to some gossip, little brother, it means nothing. Who cares what a few staff members think? We are a family, and nothing will ever get in the way of that." Aja shrugged then. "Besides, I'm sure they only say that sort of stuff to let out some anger. I mean, we may be wonderful people, but even the most patient Akiridion would get frustrated after waiting hand and foot on us all day, right? I know I would."

Krel laughed a little, the coil of tension in his spine relaxing some. Aja smiled gently at him, though he could see the worry in her eyes. “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Krel said.

Aja giggled. “Of course I am. I’m your older sister.” Krel smiled and relaxed further when Aja wrapped two arms around his shoulders and pulled him closer. She leaned her head against his and Krel softly sighed, the emotions that had kept him wound up for most of the day finally dispersing and leaving him quite exhausted. Although his concerns hadn't completely gone away, he did feel better after talking about it.

They stayed like that, wrapped in each other’s comfort, for a long time. When they finally did move, Krel bashfully asked, “Can I still stay the night?” to which Aja replied, “Of course, dummy.”

They laid back down and cuddled closer. A few moments passed after they relaxed and Krel said, “... Thank you, Aja.”

Aja hummed then replied, “Any time, little brother. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

—

It seemed Krel had a knack for finding himself in those situations. In the coming parsons, Krel had stumbled upon instances where members of the royal staff commented on the peculiarity of the royal family, and more often than not the conversation ended with them mentioning Krel's supposed role in the family—that is, that he was a plan B. He tried to not let it get to him, truly he did, but hearing it over and over again both by the staff and in his own head eventually made the possibility more and more plausible in his mind. Aja comforted him and tried to pull him from the metaphorical hole he was falling into, but it was as if he were hurtling through space, a huge, dark, looming black hole inching ever closer and that no matter what he did or what he tried to grab, he would forever grow closer until finally being crushed by its endless black. 

Metaphorically, of course. 

Aja just… She just wasn't enough it seemed.

And in the end, it didn't matter if those staff members had been right or wrong about why Krel was born.

Because when he came of age, he went through the ceremony privately with Aja at his side and his parents smiling gently at the terminal, and when the sectons turned to mekrons turned to horvaths and his parents finally turn the terminal off, their smiles now forced and worried, Krel’s worst fear, no matter how hard his mama and papa tried to convince him differently, had come true.

Krel Tarron, the second child of King Fialkov and Queen Coranda of House Tarron and prince of Akiridion-5, was bondless.

#tales of arcadia #toa #3 below #3b #krel tarron #aja tarron #kreli #staja #Krel tarron x eli pepperjack #steve palchuk x aja tarron #if krel/aja shippers even LOOK at my cute sibling comfort scene ill stomp you to death with my hooves #soulmate au