#i mean sleep for like 3 hours maybe so

[kingstealer]

aabria going, "as aimee who maybe wants to have a friend sit by you soon" is going to haunt me for the next two weeks. i can already tell.

#critical role #critical role campaign 3 #critical role spoilers #cr spoilers #what does that MEAN. who else do they have sitting in the back room pretending they don't exist. who now has to come back later #WHAT IF ITS ZERXUS #(guy who only knows one fictional character voice) #my points to back this up are: 1. apparently we're doing a betrayer god thing so probably would be a betrayer god pc showing up #2. he's the only other champion of a betrayer god pc we know. there could ofc be a new one but i'm insane like that #would it probably actually be a spider queen person? oh yeah probably. but WHAT IF #of all the episodes for me to pick up cr again (god i hope not i need to have a sleep schedule) after having watched calamity recently #i was so ready to go to bed like an hour later than usual and then aabria said 'you maybe want someone with you on your side of the table?' #and i live watching this yt stream now. or rather. in 2 weeks #thanks for coming to my ted talk. i am the conspiracy board meme

[thegeminisage]

perpetual chicken and egg question are you not writing fanfiction because you're depressed or are you depressed because you're not writing fanfiction. write fanfiction and find out today

#personal #liz loves writing #i think it's the former i think it's seasonal it's got to be seasonal!!!!!!!! #but i wrote 1k of envesseled yesterday and like #it wasn't even a good 1k if i'm being honest like it was a bad set of words #but i felt SO much better. i didn't even get mad when i got into bed to find my cat had puked on the bedspread #having to remake my entire bed when im ready to sleep normally turns me into number one grouch and i didnt care #slept well got up at a reasonable hour and everything #the effect is starting to wear off which means i need to write another 1000 words but I Dont Wanna. must be seasonal. #man remember when i was banging out 2 an 3 thousand every day easily? i miss that. #anyway maybe it's the weather here...it's been like 70+ for 3 days now thanks climate change

[olessan]

I love the fact that I can work as hard as I can manage with a broken tooth and a dying tooth (one on each side, I've been chewing on the cavity for a year) and I still cannot save even $10 towards getting dental treatment (2 impacted wisdom teeth, + tooth broken off under the gum, + bad cavity) because I barely make enough to cover my food and board and the insane energy bill

#I'm just ranting don't mind me it's fine I am continuing to exist as usual I may delete this later bc it's a bit of a bummer to read #I prefer to keep my blogging to fun or otherwise nonserious content because it's supposed to be for decompression no real world drama here #I got into a 3 hour body language study and earned $50 so I spent that as fun money on a couple games during the Steam sale just to #take a break from the constant cycle of getting paid and then immediately saying goodbye to all but about 15 cents #(well it was 1 game Slime Rancher 2 and then 2 expansion packs one for Planet Zoo and another for Cities Skylines long play hours mileage) #I've tried to budget to buy small things like a fan or a toothbrush maybe (mine is 8yrs old and doesn't charge sometimes) but NOPE #let alone stashing away over $2000 for the amount of treatment I need given tooth extractions are $200-$500 each #I use about $50 of groceries a week ($30 USD) sometimes up to $80 if I need to buy some extra toiletries or bonuses like ham/falafel/bread #our last quarterly power bill was $1900 FOR NO REASON even for a winter one #olessan oration #the work I have is HIT/mturk type work which pays amazingly well and I am so grateful because I can't work in a traditional environment due #my inability to sleep/wake on anyone else's schedule and need for engaging work but it also means each worker is basically a contract worke #picking their own hours which is VERY HARD to stick to for me since I may also have ADHD-i but that diagnosis also costs like $2000 in Aus #so I'm doing my best fucking lmao #I have a set minimum hours I want to keep up to and move to full time but I am so exhausted by the constant background noise of #the tooth problems that I burn out very quickly #like the tooth ache isn't that bad #the tooth is actively dying but the pain isn't unbearable it just shits me off at all times #it's bearable most of the time and doesn't affect my sleep unless the temp is cold or something #it's been bad this week tho so I've gone through almost all my ibuprofen managing it #the tooth that broke off broke off earlier in the year and the gum has mostly healed over and the dead root is concealed inside my gums now #that stopped being painful in mid 2021 but when it died it was pretty bad it did stop me sleeping for a couple weeks #Christmas 2021 involved me contemplating ripping the tooth out myself lmao #the nerve eventually died seemingly without an abscess #unless I DID have an abscess but that seems extremely unlikely because abscesses are SEVERE AND HORRIBLE AND LIFE THREATENING #sometimes I can feel the tooth ligament wiggling on its own or I like flex it by accident it's so weird bc the tooth is gone so #the ligament is still holding onto the root but with way less weight #anyway I am eating my mac n cheese n veg with the side that has the missing tooth because the cavity tooth has a big bruise along the gumli #gumline which may be from overzealous brushing (I fill the tooth will temporarily filling putty and it needs to be cleaned well when the #putty falls out)

[junkie-virus]

i endure the most evils (<- brother watching movie in my vicinity so i cant sleep)

#ro rambles #another factor is i am sleeping on the couch #and although he has his own setup thing with his xbox he decided go watch a movie here because the wifi was acting up #(trying not to enact violence) this is truly unfortunate #i mean sleepimg om the couch isnt awful but also the room gets cold at night and also its a couch so frequently ppl just move my things #and generally do not care about my space #which is oartially what do u expect its a couch but also my bed is literally unavailable 2 me #bedbugs the.n it was elected the area to just Put Stuff #so theres a buncha junk there now #i feel like those freeloaders #which maybe spiritually i am in some ways #AND I MIGHT HAVE THIS STUPID MEETING WITH A GUY I KNOW TOMORROW TO PAINT HIS GUITAR BUT I DONT WANT HIM TO !!!!!! #there is the implication he will be here for maybe 2-3 hours for drying primer or something and aidyriyfocgkdydkyd #i want to ne a new person or whateva and keep to my promises. though maybe i shouldve started with being able to say no to things i dont wa #nt to do #aidhigfjfhuguhgu #these little agonies may be enough to drag me down #ike…. like i domt Know #small things taking about a big thing

[thursdayg1rl]

I literally need to complain abt everything on here or I’ll die

#writing this on the plane so will probably release from drafts when we land #but yeah #um so the guy next to me on the flight is so fucking annoying #listening to whatever bullshit is on his phone out loud … havent we suffered enough #um what else. #the really expensive makeup that my aunt bought me for once was like ten shades too light #bc she got me and my sister the same shade… in what world… #I was serving clown #it’s a foundation but ig I’ll use it like a concealer #managed to make it look normal after ages then my cousin was like ‘take it off’ 🙃 #but it’s crazy tho bc it makes it look like my skin is perfect… #maybe my makeup skillls are improving after watching reels tho that is also a possibility #um what else. girl I am sooo tired #I’ve managed to sleep in like 5 minute increments on the flight #I have not slept in like . um. #might have been more than 24 hrs by no #but I’ll sleep well when I get there hopefully #bc it’s 3 hours ahead .. meaning you have to sleep earlier and wake up earlier… my nemesis #guys I’m so irrationally annoyed at this man next to me .. could you not have been a handsome azeri boy my age 🫠🫠 (delusional) #my illegally downloaded music is serving me well #there’s 3 more hours to the flight and I’m on 70% charge #so 🫡 just have to hope we make it #also have podcasts downloaded so will pursue

[vydumaj]

it’s so frustrating to constantly feel that I’m not operating at my max, or even normal, potential right now. I hear things in lecture, I read things, I kind of take them in and understand most of it but I retain next to nothing. plus I have no energy so I can’t spend as much time practicing as I need (much more time required than I would’ve needed just 2-3 years ago)… I don’t know how to get back to my normal levels of… brain efficiency, or how to make myself able to…remember things again.

#it’s because of stress and insomnia #or idk if it’s really insomnia since I usually do fall asleep it’s just that I wake up after 3-4 hours pretty often #and don’t always fall asleep again or if I do it takes so much time I only get 1 hour more maybe hhh #it’s been like this for over a year #techincally I should be getting better now because the house is sold I have way less things to stress over #but idk….how do I get out of hereee #I mean the fact that I’m kind of failing (I am failing) right now is making the stress and thus the sleeping worse #plus some other things I don’t want to talk about #I can never make myself be honest #anyway #. #vent

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#today in things that stress me out. my academic interests have diverged significant from what i do in the lab #which is nice on one hand bc i am v passionately interested in something sciency again and it feels like its been a while since that #happened. but on the other hand it means that my workaholic tendencies are no longer being applied to my actual job #like im kind of just doing normal hours for like actual job stuff. which stresses me tf out bc i never feel like im doing enough #and my overdoing it has transfered over to drawing way too much in one sitting while listening to paleo podcasts and trying #to memorize the geologic time scale #so im still overextending bc im focused all the time and i dont sleep enough but its not applied to my job #and part of my brain cant handle that so it forces me to suffer no matter what. sigh. stupid exhausting brain #and i know im being irrational about it which somehow makes it worse #but idk i guess maybe its a little more healthy bc im trying to do something i like in my free time. even if im still overdoing it #like idk if i can express how exhausting it is to like something but ur brain forces u to think abt it all the time and feel guilty abt #thst being ur focus but u cant help it. and its like grinding chalk into the sidewalk. i just burn out on the things i like so fast #bc i cant regulate. im astounded that ive been on this narut0 kick for like 7months bc so often my obsession makes me so tired #but here i am. still staying strong dattebayo hahaha. nah it has been nice not to find anything new tho lol #sigh... idk i just got way way too close to like full on mental collapse with my photosynthesis measurements so im trying to get the #warmth back into my body before i have to jump back into that frozen water #i think i have at least another month before the machines get back and then ill have at least 3 or 4 projects to run samples for #was it wise of me to agree to doing all that? no absolutely not. but the data will be interesting #and itll be helpful. and literally no one else wants to do it so here i am. damaging myself for science. ay ay ay #whatever. im going off to do field work next week with my boss so maybe thatll get me out of my head #unrelated

[noxtivagus]

christmas break FINALLY YEAH 🫶🏼

#🌙.rambles #i just woke up from a nap like an hour ago #technically still have the final paper to do but i can't do my part yet since it's the conclusion so i gotta wait for my grp 😭 #gna go out this sunday to like monday though? >< #we were gna go to the beach n stuff like that iirc last october w our bday but bcs of the storms we cldn't so!!!! #hehe i'm excited #i'm hoping that somehow i cld hang out w some of my friends this break #or. idk even online is good enough for me i miss calling w them i only typically like call every now n then. i rarely do so #n even if i want to idk i'm not rlly the type to ask my friends for stuff n i'm especially shy to initiate but #i always try my best to be there for them wnvr they ask >< #that said i wna hesitate less bcs i notice a lot of stuff n i want to do a lot but.. i get anxious :<< not that it's anyone's fault i just #overthink that i'll fuck things up somehow but i'm working on that though! <33 #oh man i miss my friends fr like. irl online just everyone #i'm gna try my best to be productive this break. i'm really gna have to fix my sleep though #i think i'll. HELP IDK WHAT TO DO FIRST MAYBE I'LL MAKE A SCHED #but i'll not sleep past 3 am. n hmmm #spontaneously i want to play ffxv or ff7r? n some other games too n #my dad was looking at ccr in steam like last night i think. it's expensive though 💀 #i rlly want it.. ff means so much to me so. >.> #SOMEDAY! SOON. HOPEFULLY. idk i'm really. idk if this is the right word but i'm shy w using money for myself #yk i think i'll finish shadow of colossus rq since i have it in my ps4 rn n then. bcs i'm lacking storage space yeah i'll finish that up #then i think i want to step into ffxv again even for just a bit >//< #watch me i'll be reduced to just a simple dumbass when i see noctis again oh dear

[just-jessiejames]

ah what a lovely bout of insomnia, do do doot.

#i have gotten 2 total hours of sleep in the last 24 hours #i am a little loopy :) #is it bad that i have the slight desire to want to know what its like to (personally) hallucinate from sleep deprivation #purely for my own morbid curiosity. i mean it'll probs happen eventually. i have gone like 3 days without sleep before (not willingly) #and boy those three days were rough. forgot shit left and right and could feel my body dying all around me. unpleasant to say the least #insomnia just be like that sometimes ig. so i assume someday it's gunna occur. what kinds of shit will i see i wonder #maybe some monsters tbh they can be my friends #just like 'what's up demons. it's me ya boy'. y'know? #i should sleep that's an unhinged thing to say #this entire post is a good example of my mental state lmao #jessiejames talks

[thethingything]

I think our sleep schedule has hit that weird point where we just sleep randomly whenever for short bursts which isn't ideal but it's whatever. I'll maybe order some food to put in our fridge later so we've got stuff to eat when we wake up at weird times and then just pass out whenever

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #it's nearly 9:30am and we slept for a couple of hours and now it's sunny and that's making me feel like doing stuff #and I don't think I'll be able to sleep for a while so idk we'll see what happens #it means we don't really have a routine which isn't great because were kind of dependent on having a routine to help us remember stuff #but there's not much I can do about it so I guess based on how this has gone every other time I'm just gonna wait for it to sort itself out #also I think trying to stick to our routine and getting stressed over it when our sleep schedule is completely fucked #just makes us end up dissociating way more and finding it harder to do self care and get ready for bed when we need to #so I'm kind of just hoping that maybe if I try to go along with whatever's happening and not get stressed it'll sort itself out faster #I'll probably still end up freaking out about it later but oh well. sorry future me there's nothing I can do about this <3

[insomnia-productions]

i don’t. know what to do with myself rn

#i work at an SA hotline on the 12am-4am shift #i just got off a 2.5 hour call #she called in at 3:53 when i was just about to start packing up for bed #i thought it would be like. half an hour or 45 minutes at most but. #now it’s almost 7am #it was a really difficult call too. god she was dealing with so much at once #she hadn’t slept in 3 days because she was afraid to take her pain medication #i ended up staying on the phone with her while she took it and then guiding her breathing until she was ready to sleep #im really glad that she finally did it and that i was able to help her in an immediate and concrete way #but honestly? i mostly just feel fucking Weird #i don’t even know how to describe the feeling it’s just Weird #maybe it’s the exhaustion? i’ve been awake for 24 hours now #and 8 of those were at my internship where. i mean. im a teaching assistant at a school for kids with severe cognitive disabilities #it is. So Much. all of the time #so it would definitely Make Sense to be feeling Strange considering that Friday morning currently feels like it was 2 weeks ago #but i feel like that’s not the answer. like. it’s not the exhaustion #there’s something else #but i don’t know what and it’s bothering me #and i don’t know what to do with myself now #like it’s fully daylight outside and my sublet curtains are thin as fuck #there’s no way im gonna be able to sleep #but im So Tired #i just. don’t. know what to do with myself #it’s just a #??????

[caruliaa]

the worst part abt tumblr is sometimes ur mutuals will start just postinf stuff that u feel is like. idk you personally feeel kinda rly off abt it but u have no idea if tgats reasonable or not so ur like well it would be weird nd potentally kinda dickish to try to tell them but also if it was just someone u followed ud prob unfollow then but nit only are they a mutual they r a friend mutual so ur not doing that but also u have no idea of this is like. smth showing a difference between u nd this person that might potentially fuck up ur friendship later on or manybe its literally just memes and jokes and/or they didnt think abt it that much and your just being weird and sensetive by caring abt it at all. and u dont know what to do abt it so u usually just vaugpost abt it. which is what im doing now

#i feel so like dumb like i literally feel so dumb. omg i feel so dunb #like bc i am being so dumb !!! omg #just like. idk maybe making fun of panic attacks and acting like someone is dumb for not wanting to watch smth w homophobic slurs in it #(NOT that a protag of a show were the point is the character arent all good ppl saying it just in regards to ppl not want to deal w #homophobia in the media they consume when its already smth they have to deal w irl) #kinda doesnt feel worth it to me to make fun of what is for the most part. a guy u made up. #like im sure ppl like that do exist but the post in talking abt literally talked abt it like a hypothetical type thing yk #but also i get that they mutual rbing and prob the op didnt like. mean any harm at all or anything like that like. #they prob just meant it as a funny meme thing or whatever infact they almost definatly did #im just like. being senetive and dumb abt this for no reason !!! #idk i think the problem is is that im just like. a lot more upset by being mean and making fun of ppl than others are #and i dont mean that in a im better than others way i meancthat like. as a dig to myself #bc im sure id be a much cooler+funner person to be friends w if i wasnt like this #but for some reasonn i am just a sensetive weirdo !!!! ell ohh ell #anywayy i slept fucking atroicusly late night im running on 3 hours sleep and i cant get abt to sleep #bur ill try so basically dont takevthis as me Being Online and also #consuder my sleep deprivation in everythig i am saying here i cld wake up from a nap and be like ehy tf did i say that #but also i kinda felt this way b4 i was sleep deprived so like. thatll prob still happen but itll b more like #why tf did i post that and/or why was i being so dramatic online #also i capatlized Being Online to say like. being active and present and answering asks and messages type deal #but it made me realsie that like. idk i hate how whenver i say shit like this a lot of ppl wld take it as me being overly online or whateve #when like. this is equivelant to hanging out with a group of ppl irl and a friend laughs at a joke that makes u uncomfy #its not some weird exculsivley online issue #that also annoyed me abt smth else that happened earlier this year like no i do not have a ‘’’’parasocial relationship’’’’’ w u #u r my bffs new friend who i dont like i am engaging in a teenage girl right of passage or being petty and worrying ur stealing me bestie #get it right !!! #okay i think i am talking too much ant bullshit #also to calrify i no longer feel that way abt that person those last few tags were abt it have been resolved #flappy rambles #also somw of my tags were eatn but im goin 2 sleep sorry for bein a creep a weirdo wat tha hell am i doin here……

[lilly-white]

i’m goign to stop writing for the rest of my life after this

only comics. only art. that therapeutic feeling of “i’m in the zone listening to music / a neat podcast, and the only thing i care about is the shaded arch of this nose”

#hi i haven't had a single night's sleep longer than 2-3 hours in maybe like #i don't even know #several months? #this is the last week #it's literal torture #knowing ' no more chances for quick fixes after this' #pure torture #you know it's bad when you're listening to 'how to stop caring what others think about you' videos while prepping for publishing lmao #writing tracker #some webcomics have the shittiest goddamn writing and yet we come back for the art #hence it's the future #fuck i was ready to brave 160 eps of Inuyasha purely bc of Sesshoumaru's concept design #in the end he sucks & the story of inuyasha is great in and of itsel #but i still like him because he's pretty lmao #that's the magic #no need to create compelling characters if they're pretty #people will be dedicated enough to that character even if you botch them #fuck i mean look at genesis LMAO #people will be so dedicated to that pretty character they'll make up whole alternate versions of them

[la-galaxie-langblr]

Watched the first episode of Lupin and brain go brrrrrrrrrr, I'm so annoyed that I didn't start watching it sooner

#RIP to my friend that is begging me to watch merlin but i'm now spending a lot of my time watching a french heist series <3 #this is gonna do wonders for my native content consumption goal #i have to watch it with subtitles but i feel like i mostly understand what's happening #<by watch with subtitles i mean i'm relying heavily on the subtitles #is it audio processing issues or my inability to understand spoken french? yes <3 #but written french isn't causing nearly as many issues as it used to #gotta increase my podcast hours so maybe one day i can upgrade to no subtitles #but that day is a while away yet #ok time to stop procrastinating sleep i have a full schedule tomorrow #ellis exclaims