#i mean my tumblr celebration last year was really fun!! all my friends were there for me!
New in Town - Ch. 4: First Cookout
Sarah invites you to Joel's place to celebrate the last night she's in town. A continuation of New in Town chapters 1-3 found on Tumblr here.
Pairing: Best Friend's Dad!Joel Miller x Female Reader
CW: Smut. Because obviously smut. It's these two, they fuck. No use of Y/N. Age gap (reader is 35 Joel is 47, not a focus of the fic). Minors DNI, 18+ only
Length: 5.8k
AO3 | First Chapter | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter
“And this is going to be your desk,” you smiled, excited but keeping your voice down. Sarah made a quiet squeal back at you. “See, I can see you from my desk so you can make faces at me while I’m dealing with the boring accounts people. I’m manifesting it, I swear I am.”
“I’m seriously about to make a fucking moodboard if it’ll help,” she sat on the desk, her legs dangling over the edge. “I miss Austin. I didn’t think I’d miss it this much but I really do. Seattle was way more fun when you were there, now all I do is try to convince myself that my job is totally worth the 500 days of rain we get every year.”
You laughed.
“Something tells me it’s not quite that many.”
“Feels like that many,” she rolled her eyes. “Now please. I need BBQ.”
You shook your head and laughed before heading to the elevators to go to lunch with your best friend.
Joel had texted you a warning with his usual good morning text that day.
“Good morning, Beautiful,” he wrote. “Really miss feeling you right before I fall asleep. Please tell me you’re not busy tomorrow night. Heads up, expect Sarah to drop in on you today. I have to be at a site for a few hours and she mentioned stopping by your office. She’ll probably invite you to the cookout we’re having tonight - up to you if you want to come.”
You frowned when you read it. “Up to you if you want to come.” What the fuck did that mean?
“Miss feeling you too,” you added a heart emoji. “Only plans I have for tomorrow night involve you ripping my clothes off.”
You rapped your nails against your phone, waiting to see if he’d text back before you started getting ready for the day but he didn’t. You sighed. He probably had to be on site early and couldn’t use his phone.
“Goddammit,” you muttered, putting your face in your pillow and groaning. How were you supposed to navigate this?
Did Joel want you to come but was trying to keep the pressure off? Did he not want you anywhere near him when Sarah was in town?
Yes, he’d spent a fair bit of time fucking your brains out over the past few weeks but, in reality, he wasn’t anything to you. He was a guy you’d gone out with once, he wasn’t your boyfriend, he didn’t have to invite you over for anything let alone something that might make him feel uncomfortable because you were friends with his kid. Even though, to you, he felt like so much more than some guy you were fucking. So, so much more.
And also your best friend’s dad.
Because fate was a cruel, cruel thing.
You checked your phone every few minutes as you got ready for work but the messages sat on delivered. You sighed and resisted the urge to text again and just kept checking your phone every few minutes in your office, too.
“Wouldn’t argue with some help in the clothing removal department,” he wrote. “I’m going to want you naked fast. Requesting something with easy access so I can get inside you ASAP.”
You smiled and shook your head a little.
“Still warm enough for a sundress,” you sent a winky face emoji with that and briefly considered going to the bathroom to take a selfie that involved an unprofessional amount of cleavage.
“Jesus Christ,” he sent back. “Pull me in a restroom wearing one of those and we’re not stopping at you humping my leg.”
“Counting on it,” you wrote, smiling a little wider before deciding to just bite the bullet. “Did you want me to go tonight? If Sarah asks?”
“What’s go you smiling so big?”
You almost jumped out of your skin when you saw Sarah leaning against the doorframe to your office.
“Good lord, girl, we gotta put a bell on you,” you smiled anyway, being sure to lock your phone before getting up to hug her. “What are you doing here?”
“My dad had some client issue so I figure I’d come visit my bestie,” she gave you a squeeze before stepping back from you. “Plus I’m dying to see where I’m going to commute to every day once they finally let me come here.”
Sarah picked the restaurant, a BBQ place that wasn’t far from your office and only offered wooden picnic tables sitting under a rusted metal awning for seating.
“Oh this is going to be good shit,” you said, taking a deep breath, the smell of smoked meat heavy on the air. “I can tell.”
“Knew you’d love this place,” she smiled. “Kind of surprised my dad hasn’t taken you here already, actually.”
You froze for half a second before regaining your composure.
“We’ve only gone out the one time since the first time we met up,” you shrugged. “Can’t exactly show me the entire city in that time.”
The two of you got in line, the place starting to get crowded now that it was pushing noon.
“I know,” she rolled her eyes. “I just really thought you guys would hit it off I guess.”
Well you’d definitely done that.
“Does it really bother you that I’m not hitting the town with your dad more?” You asked, teasing.
“Kind of, actually,” she laughed. “You know those stupid TV episodes they do where the cast of one show goes on another show?”
“The crossover ones?” You frowned.”
“Right,” she nodded. The line moved and the two of you stepped forward. “This was like… my real life crossover episode and it just kinda flopped. Like my two favorite characters finally were in the same place and just didn’t have the chemistry for good TV.”
Yeah, chemistry? Not your issue with Joel.
“I’ll be sure to lodge your complaint with the writers,” you said dryly. “Tell them to get their shit together.”
You talked Sarah into ordering the meats you didn’t so you could try at least a bite of everything and you were almost uncomfortably full when you dropped your final wet napkin on the butcher paper covered tray in front of you.
“Oh, hey, meant to ask you before,” she said, polishing off her Dr. Pepper. “Did you have any plans tonight? My dad caved and is grilling out. My Uncle Tommy is coming over, his wife Maria, a few neighbors who have known me since I was in diapers and who can tell you every embarrassing thing I’ve ever done…”
“I don’t think they can tell me about the time you got drunk at karaoke night and tried to take the mic from that guy who was making an ass of himself,” you smirked.
Sarah groaned, throwing her head back and laughing.
“Oh my God, I forgot about that!”
You laughed, too, and took a second to check your phone to see if Joel had gotten back to you.
He had.
“Love for you to come,” he wrote. “Just going to be hell keeping my hands to myself all night. But would rather do that than not see you.”
You smiled a little and put your phone down.
“Yeah, I’ll come,” you said. “Just tell me what I can bring.”
You were almost giddy by the time you got home. It’s not like you’d seen Joel every day since you’d met him but the option always felt like it was there. You’d only texted a bit since the phone sex Sunday and it felt like it had been eons since you’d gotten to touch him. You wondered if it would be weird if you gave him a hug when Sarah was there. You could get away with a hug, right?
You pulled out a few outfit options, trying to find something that would make Joel want to check you out but not look like you were trying to get him to check you out. You pulled the shirts out and hung them on your floor length mirror so they were next to each other when you got an idea.
You stripped out of your work clothes and changed into your favorite matching bra and panty set, standing in front of the mirror with the shirts still hanging on it, arranging yourself so you could see your body between the clothes. You took a picture.
“Which shirt for tonight?” You typed, sending the picture to Joel.
He responded while you were jumping into your jeans, the denim tight on your thighs and hips.
“You’re cruel, you know that right?” He wrote. “I vote green. Feel like you’ll cause less trouble in the green.”
The green was a little tamer, you supposed. The v-neck wasn’t quite as low, the eyelet lace softer and almost girlish. You smiled a little.
“You’re right,” you wrote back. “Black it is.”
Black was a wrap top, with a deeper v-neck, something that would highlight your curves even more. And give Joel easy access.
“You’re a menace,” he texted.
“I know :)”
You got dressed and stopped by HEB on your way over, picking up a dozen bottles of Shiner. You’d had to consciously toe the line of trying without trying too hard and you stomach was in knots as you walked up to his front door. What if your hair or your makeup or your shoes or the tightness of your jeans screamed “I’m fucking the man who lives in this house”?
But you took a deep breath and rang the doorbell anyway. It didn’t take long for it Sarah to rip it open with a squeal, pulling you inside.
“I’m so glad you came!” She said, jumping a little as she pulled away from you. “This is going to be so much fun, I promise. See, we’re going to do shit like this all the time when I move down here. We gotta manifest it, girl, I’m telling you. It’s even more fun when it’s summer and people want to swim because getting drunk in a pool that’s not open to every other idiot in your apartment complex is seriously the best pass time.”
“I can only imagine,” you smiled. “And, I brought beer!”
You held up the six packs just as Joel went rushing past, on his way to the kitchen. But he doubled back and stopped, a slow smile spreading across his face as he looked you up and down from over Sarah’s shoulder. You smirked just a little and he shook his head slightly, smiling.
“Good to see you,” he said, stepping around Sarah for a somewhat awkward hug. He lowered his voice, his lips next to your ear, speaking so softly you could barely hear him. “Menace.”
He stepped back and you smiled wider.
“Good to see you, too.”
Joel took the beers from your hands and his eyes lingered a little too long on your chest - not that you were arguing.
“Come on,” Sarah slipped her hand into yours. “I want you to meet everybody!”
She tugged you along behind her to the backyard, you giving Joel an apologetic smirk over your shoulder, people standing in little clusters around the pool. You spotted Joel’s brother immediately, the resemblance hard to miss. He was standing next to a beautiful woman with braids half way down her back, his arm around her waist. You smiled a little. You remembered dropping Sarah off at the airport when she flew down the year before for her uncle’s wedding.
“Have fun!” You said, putting her duffle bag on her shoulder as your car sat with the emergency flashers on in the loading zone.
“Yeah, this is going to be a disaster,” she said. “There’s no way they’re making it down the aisle. I haven’t met Maria but it’s Tommy. He’s jumped from woman to woman since before I was born, the day he settles down is the day hell freezes over.”
When you picked her up again three days later, she had a different story.
“So did they actually get hitched?” You asked as she flopped heavily into the passenger seat.
“Holy shit, they did. She is the only woman on the planet who could actually get him to settle down,” she said. “And by some miracle, she wanted to. No accounting for taste with some people…”
You laughed and headed to your favorite bar to hear all about it. You hadn’t really expected to ever really meet him except maybe in passing at Sarah’s wedding one day. Now you were meeting him in your - boyfriend’s? Fuck buddy’s? Who knows what’s? - backyard.
“Tommy, Maria!” Sarah called as the two of you worked your way around the pool. “Got someone for you to meet, she’s new in town and in desperate need of social contacts.”
She made the introductions and Tommy laughed when he heard your name.
“The infamous best friend,” he smiled, pulling you in for a hug. “She as bad an influence on you as she was on me?”
“Oh shut up,” she rolled her eyes.
“She talked me into grand larceny once,” Tommy said, pointing accusingly at Sarah with the beer bottle in his hand.
“Did she now?” You asked, brows raised.
“Oh yes,” he nodded, smiling cheekily. “She was seven and Joel said she couldn’t have all her Halloween candy on Halloween…”
“A crime, really,” she smiled, grabbing Tommy’s beer and taking a drink before giving it back.
“And she was so cute, these big eyes and her little princess costume and her hair going in about a million different directions…”
“Yeah, Dad hadn’t figured out how to handle that yet,” she laughed a little.
“I caved,” Tommy said. “I put up a valiant fight…”
“You said yes immediately!” Sarah scoffed. “I barely even had to pout…”
“She was a monster,” Tommy cut her off. “I was at her mercy, I swear!”
“And then what happened?” Joel asked, joining your little circle with two beers in hand. He wordlessly pressed one into your palm. You smiled a little at him and he brushed his hand down your spine on his way to putting it in his back pocket. “C’mon, you two partners in crime, finish that story. What happened?”
“Nothing that bad,” Tommy waved him off.
“Yeah, it was fine,” Sarah said. “No lasting damage…”
“For you two maybe,” Joel laughed. “I was the one who was up until 3 in the morning washing all her bedding and scrubbin’ the wall of her room because she projectile vomited three pounds of candy like she was starring in the damn Exorcist.”
You laughed as Sarah and Tommy both tried to downplay it and Maria just lovingly patted her husband’s shoulder, rolling her eyes. While everyone was distracted, you snuck a look at Joel. Just a second to actually look at his face as he laughed and smiled with his family. It was a little unfair, how good looking he was. Somehow both rugged and soft, handsome and beautiful and you had to resist the urge to reach up and twist your fingers in his slightly unruly curls. You looked back at Sarah before anyone said anything and took a sip of beer.
Sarah got sidetracked talking with Tommy and you took advantage of it, leaning in to whisper in Joel’s ear.
“You’re really hot,” you said quietly. “Also, I got you a present, it’s in my purse.”
“Oh really?” He raised his eyebrows, a devious look on his face.
You rolled your eyes.
“Not that exciting,” you said.
“What are you two conspiring about?” Maria asked and you almost flinched as Tommy and Sarah turned their attention to you.
“Just how to get this one to stop meddlin’,” Joel said smoothly, nodding to his daughter.
“I do not meddle,” she replied. “I just nudge people in the right direction. Because I’m smarter than them.”
You got along well with Joel’s brother and sister-in-law. Tommy seemed more like a big brother to Sarah than an uncle, which made sense when they talked about her childhood years. Tommy was six years younger than Joel, just 16 when Sarah came into the world. So while he adored his niece, he wasn’t exactly mature enough to be a parent-like figure. It sounded like he’d helped his brother out a lot but had been more of a friend to Sarah than anything else.
You liked watching her and Joel with their friends and family, the easy familiarity of it all, the comfort of having history with people. It was something that was missing from your life.
Sure, you liked your life. You liked it quite a bit, actually. You had a job you enjoyed that paid you good money, you’d lived in some interesting places - Seattle, three years in New York City, an internship in Chicago, even Washington D.C. for a bit - and you could do just about whatever you wanted whenever you wanted. That was the beauty of not having anything to tie you down. The cost just meant not having roots and, sometimes, that hurt.
Joel disappeared inside at one point and, after taking quick stock of the backyard to make sure no one else was inside with him, you followed. You slipped into the entry and grabbed your purse, pulling out the bag of Fire Sour Patch Kids you’d seen in the candy aisle on your way to grab beer when you stopped at the store earlier that day.
Joel was in the kitchen cutting vegetables for burger toppings and you climbed on the counter next to the cutting board. He looked up at you out of the corner of his eye, trying to hide his smile while he shook his head.
“Meant what I said about you bein’ a menace,” he said, his eyes on the knife. “You’re torture. Beautiful torture but torture.”
“We aim to please,” you smiled, holding out the candy. He frowned for a second, drying his hands on his jeans, before he laughed and took the bag. “Warned you it wasn’t exciting…”
“This is great, Beautiful,” he leaned in and kissed you lightly, like it was an automatic thing, as though you did this in his kitchen all the time. “Been wantin’ to try these and then I never buy the damn things….”
“I’ll help you eat them if they suck,” you smiled. “And you can help me eat them if they don’t.”
He smiled again and moved in front of you, nudging your legs apart so he was standing between your thighs and he leaned in and kissed you - really kissed you. His tongue dipped into your mouth, his hands sliding up your legs to your waist as he tugged you closer. You draped your arms over his shoulders and pressed yourself against him and savored his touch. Fuck, you’d missed this. It had only been a few days but it felt like an eternity of him being out of reach and it was almost reassuring to feel the way his hands fit against your body even after some time apart.
“Fuck, you’re trouble,” he was breathless when he pulled away from you, his hands still on your body. “Just couldn’t wear the green, could ya?”
“And miss out on this?” You teased, running your fingers through his hair. “Never.”
Sarah sat between the two of you at dinner, the best spot for you and Joel to be in when you thought about it. Next to you was too much temptation, you’d end up touching each other and then not be able to help yourselves and that was bad.
Across wasn’t great, either, as you’d discovered at dinner the other night. If you could just check each other out the whole night, that wasn’t the safe way to go. Not to mention the opportunities for playing footsie under the table.
No no, you needed a better way to keep your hands to yourselves and Sarah was a great barrier for that - both literally and metaphorically - and you managed to get through the meal without any big slip ups. Something you were pretty damn proud of, if you did say so yourself.
You excused yourself to the bathroom as things were in that easy after dinner conversation stage of the evening, everyone pleasantly full and a little drunk, Sarah laughing with a neighbor from down the street whose name you’d forgotten. But when you opened the bathroom door to head back outside, Joel was there, pushing you back into the room and closing the door behind him.
“Joel!” You hissed, his hands on your waist.
“You really can’t expect me to wait when you show up lookin’ this damn good,” he growled, boosting you up so you were perched on the edge of the sink. “Everyone’s too busy to even notice we’re gone…”
His mouth found your neck and your chest as he untied your top, his tongue and teeth ranging over your skin and you couldn’t help but moan at his attention, your body already feeling warm and wanting. Joel stepped back from you a he fully opened your shirt, revealing your body to him as though it were some wondrous thing, moaning as he did.
“Fuck Beautiful,” his hands trailed up your exposed skin to cup your breasts through your bra. “Ain’t fair how one person can look this damn good…”
“Had to pull you away from the grill somehow,” you smiled, tugging him back against you and kissing him. He kissed you back, getting more and more desperate as he did. He pulled your breasts free of their cups so he could suck at them and hold them in his large hands, moaning into you. Your hands ran down his body to find his cock hard in his jeans, feeling him through the fabric, desperately wishing you could just rip all his clothes off and get him inside you.
“Think you can come from just your clit?” He asked, breathless, as he licked and sucked your neck.
“Yes,” you moaned. “Think you can come from just my hand?”
“It’d take less than that,” he panted as he opened your jeans and slid his hand inside as best he could, his finger finding your clit quickly. He ghosted over it with his finger, making you squirm and moan. “Fuck, Beautiful, you close already?”
“Maybe,” you panted as he pressed a little harder against the sensitive nub. You reached down to pull out his cock to start jerking him off but he caught your hand. You whined a little.
“Not yet,” he kissed back up to your mouth, holding his lips a fraction of an inch away from yours. “Lemme take care of you…”
He kissed you then, his tongue slipping into you as his finger pressed into your clit. You groaned and rocked your hips on him and you felt him smile against your lips. He started rubbing you in slow, aching circles, adding a little pressure every time around, matching his kiss to the pace of his fingers. You moaned desperately against him and he picked up his pace, working you over until you were gasping into his mouth while you came from his fingers.
“Fuck,” you panted as Joel slipped his hand from your pants. “How are you so goddamn good at that?”
“You’re so pretty when you come it’s easy to remember what does it,” he replied, stepping back from you. You slid off the sink but, instead of fixing your bra and closing your shirt, you dropped to your knees and started unzipping his fly. “Baby…”
“I can be quick,” you said, looking up at him through your eyelashes as you freed his cock. You never really got used to hot big he was - thick, heavy, long. But you’d be fine choking on him if it meant making him come.
You started by licking his head and he let out a shuddering little moan and you smiled a little, lapping at the dripping pre-come at his slit like he was your favorite flavor of ice cream. Which, he kind of was. Heady and masculine and Joel, knowing that he was dripping because of you made you want him even more.
Instead of taking the more gradual route, you took him into your mouth and throat all at once, having to swallow around the head of him as he pushed past your gag reflex. His hand flew to your head, fingers twisting in your hair and sinking into the thin layer of flesh over your skull.
“Oh fuck,” he panted. “Oh my fucking god…..”
You sucked him and moaned, the vibration of your vocal chords working the tip of him as it was lodged in your throat. You pressed your tongue against the thick vein that ran along the underside of him before you started pulling back, his grip on your head relaxing just enough to let you do it. You worked is cock up and down, sucking and licking and taking him into your mouth until you started to cough. He panted and moaned as you worked him until, eventually, he was clinging to the sink to stay upright.
“Fuck, please Baby, I need to come,” he groaned. You smiled as much as you could when your mouth was full of his thick cock. “Lemme… can I…”
You looked up at him, eyes wide, as you slid down him so he was buried in your mouth to the root and you hummed your approval. His hands immediately flew to your head and he started fucking into your mouth. You took it, swallowing past your gag reflex with each deep stroke. He didn’t last long, just a few pumps, before he was spilling into you, moaning quietly as he did. You swallowed it all, his cock so deep in your throat you could barely even taste him as he pumped his come into you.
“Fuck,” he all but collapsed against the sink and you carefully slid his cock from your mouth and got up, wiping your mouth on the back of your wrist. You adjusted your bra and tied your shirt again.
“Worth it?” You teased.
“Jesus Christ woman,” he groaned. “You’re gonna kill me.”
You smiled and kissed his cheek before you went to leave the bathroom but he grabbed your arm, pulling you back against him to kiss you deep and long. You tried to hide your surprise. Other guys you’d been with weren’t huge on kissing you after you went down on them. Joel didn’t seem to mind. But then, Joel just wasn’t like other men. You smiled as you pulled back from him and he laughed a little.
“What?” You frowned.
“We made a mess of your makeup,” he jerked his head toward the mirror, tucking his cock back in his pants as you checked your reflection. Your lipstick had smeared and you laughed a little, too.
“Good thing I have more in my bag,” you said, grabbing a sheet of toilet paper and cleaning up what you could. “See you back out there?”
“Once I remember how to walk again,” he teased.
It was sheer luck that Maria came in to use the bathroom as you adjusted your lipstick in the entryway mirror and not a few minutes earlier and you popped a breath mint so you could think about something besides the fact that the last thing in your mouth had been Joel’s cock when you talked with Sarah.
You left only about an hour later, giving Sarah a long hug as she walked you to your car.
“I’ll be back again soon for Thanksgiving,” she smiled, squeezing you tight. “Just manifest with me!”
“I’m manifesting so hard I might break something,” you smiled back, trying to ignore the knot of guilt in your stomach about hiding something so big from her.
“And seriously,” she said, stepping back from you. “If you need a friend before I get down here…”
“Call the whole Miller clan,” you smiled. “I got it.”
“Good,” she said. “We’ll just make a Miller out of you yet.”
You tried to ignore how your heart skipped a beat at the thought of that.
“Sounds good to me.”
Joel came straight to your place after dropping Sarah off at the airport the next night. You answered the door in a sundress - as promised - expecting to go to dinner.
Which, in hindsight, was foolish.
“Fuck,” you said, looking Joel up and down. He had flowers. He was in a plain, dark t-shirt that was tight around his biceps, his jeans hanging just right on his hips.
“What?” He frowned.
“Just get in here and let me fuck you,” you said, grabbing his shirt and pulling him into your apartment.
The flowers were quickly abandoned on the breakfast bar in your kitchen as you kissed him, tugging his shirt off and casting it aside before you dragged him to the bedroom.
“We gotta eat at some point tonight, Baby,” he said between kisses as you shoved him down on the bed.
“That’s fine,” you panted, stepping out of your panties and casting them aside. “We can do this twice.”
“Fuck, you’re fucking perfect,” he said, lifting his hips so he could slide his pants down a little and sitting so his back was against your headboard. He started working his cock, already hard in the palm of his hand. You straddled him, the skirt of your dress hiding your dripping pussy and his leaking cock from view. He kept one hand on his cock but the other went to your hips as you lowered yourself toward him until your pussy brushed his thick head. “Oh shit, fuck Beautiful, I need… Fuck, need inside you, I need to be inside you…”
“I know,” you breathed before sinking onto his cock with a shaking moan. His other hand flew to your waist, too, pulling you down on him so his whole length was sheathed within you. You panted for breath as your body adjusted to the intrusion. “I need you, too.”
“Fuck,” his head fell back against the headboard. “Fuck, you feel so fucking good every time, s’like I belong in this pussy, like your pussy was made to take this cock.”
“Made to ride this cock,” you moaned, starting to rise and fall over him with a satisfied groan. Joel somehow hit all the right angles inside you, the thickness of his shaft stretching you deliciously, his head finding the sensitive place deep inside you and pressing against it, making your pussy start to tighten around him.
“Oh shit,” his grip on you got firmer, his fingers sinking into the soft flesh of you. “Want you to come on this cock, Beautiful. Want you to use me to get yourself off, fuck, Baby, make yourself come on my cock…”
You buried your face in his neck and breathed in his deep, clean, masculine scent and started riding him harder, adjusting your hips so your clit was leaving an obscene, messy streak of your slick up and down his bare stomach. You licked and sucked at his neck as you rode him, fucking down on him hard and fast and grinding your clit against him. As your body tightened, you sat up straighter, pressing your forehead to his own so you could see his face, the liquid heat in you centering around where he was inside you until you came with a desperate moan around him.
“There we go,” he almost sounded like he was in pain he was so desperate. “Fuck, you come so fuckin’ pretty Baby, so goddamn pretty. Feel so good, coming on my cock, better than anything else, fuck Beautiful, I can’t…”
Joel took control of your hips then, pumping you up and down his shaft and you tried to help as best you could as you rode out your orgasm. His hips fucked up into you hard and fast until he was emptying himself into you, moaning as he did.
You collapsed on top of him, panting for breath and he went from holding your hips to wrapping his arms around you, holding you close to him. You stayed like that for a few minutes, your breaths synchronizing as you both came back down from our highs.
“So,” you said, breathing not quite back to normal yet. “Dinner?”
He laughed.
“Dinner.”
When you fell asleep in Joel’s arms that night, all naked and entwined with him, you were starting to think that you could get used to this. That you wanted to do this all the time, every day. Do all of life’s stupid little things with him, go grocery shopping with him and pay the water bill with him and deal with traffic jams with him.
You just weren’t sure how to talk about that yet.
But that was OK. You were getting there, you could tell.
When Joel kissed you goodbye in the morning, he brushed your hair back from your forehead so he could kiss you there too.
“Leaving already?” You mumbled.
“‘Fraid so,” he said softly. “Need to get an early start at the job site. Can I see you tonight?”
You just hummed in response. He frowned.
“That’s a yes, I hope,” he said. You nodded and you opened your eyes just enough to see him smile broadly. “I’ll text you. Have a good day, Baby.”
“You too,” you mumbled into your pillow.
When you got up an hour later, there was a sticky note on your coffee maker, telling you to check your fridge. Inside was an iced latte from the coffee shop down the street and you smiled so big it was hard to do your makeup as you got ready to go.
You were still on cloud nine when you were getting ready to take a client to lunch that afternoon, doing a last check of your makeup when you got a call from the reception desk downstairs.
“Someone’s here for you,” the receptionist sounded skeptical. “I’m not letting him back without you.”
“No problem,” you laughed. “We’re going off site for lunch, tell him I’ll be down in a minute.”
You went to the lobby, looking for someone who at least vaguely resembled the headshot from your client’s website when you did a double take.
The man sitting on the couch in reception smiled when he saw you and your heart sank into your stomach as he headed for you.
“Hey Angel,” he smiled.
You couldn’t smile back.
“Shit.”
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at the rainbow's end // mysta rias
pairing: mysta rias x gn!reader
word count: 4.1k
genre: fluff, staff!reader, mutual pining, wingman elira
content warning(s): swearing, unedited
summary:
After nearly a year of hearing each other's voice, you finally meet him.
a/n: this was originally going to be released as my 100 follower celebration since i hit that a while back and to make up for the lack of event since i don’t have the time to host one. but with mysta’s graduation this past weekend, i didn’t want to keep this in my drafts since i’ve been working on this for like practically a year now.
this fox-dog man means so much to me, even though i can’t really catch his streams due to timezone differences, but he means So Much to me. i got back into writing because of luxiem, but he and shu were the ones who got me back into the swing of writing which is amazing bc i love writing. i just lost all the motivation to do so until i found them last year. even though he’s no longer in niji anymore or mysta anymore, i will keep writing for him. in fact, i actually have like 3 or so mysta works in the drafts lol
and speaking of writing, this is the first long fic i’ve written in 3-4 years. i’m considering crossposting this onto my ao3 as an alternative access to read longer fics bc ik how tumblr is poopy with loading long text posts. i’m a bit rusty when it comes to writing long fics, but i hope you’ll be able to enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing this 🧡
links: luxiem m.l || main m.l || ao3 ver (if tumblr dies)
You twist your head from your phone back towards your monitor, displaying the Discord window showing your current private call with your blue dragon friend.
“Mysta’s WHAT?”
“Yeah, he’s coming along on the trip,” Elira laughed. “You didn’t know?”
“Apparent-ly! What the hell!! Luca, that motherfucker, I’m gonna beat his ass when I see him!”
She howls with laughter as you ramble on and on about how Luca told you everything about their planned trip but didn’t tell you about Mysta’s planned involvement. Once you’re done, she takes many deep breaths to calm down. “You should come with us! It’s gonna be fun. And, you’ll get to see him again.~”
You can’t really see each other’s faces, considering you’re both in a voice call. But god damn, you can hear the eyebrow wiggle in her teasing tone.
“I can’t,” you groaned, “I have finals when you’re there. As much as I wanna skip it, I really need to pass.”
“Damn, you can’t even get a referral from staff to get you here for a business meeting? Unlucky.”
“Can’t even do that anyway. I already told my professor that my trip’s been canceled, so now I have to take it.”
Though you’re not a liver for the company, you are, however, a staff member for the company. Specifically one of the staff in charge of promotions. Of course, you mainly focus on promoting EN and sometimes the other two now-merged branches. In fact, that’s how you got close to some of the livers.
As one of the staff promoters, you have to speak with the associated livers about PR stream offers and their convention appearance invites. Since you’ve been interacting with the livers the most, you’ve become friends with a few of them. Some namely Elira and Mysta.
Honestly, it’s not that you play favorites with the livers. You try your best to keep your relationships professional with them. But your bond with a specific fox-like man says otherwise.
You see, Mysta has been a joy to be around with. Although you haven’t met him in person yet, you have played some multiplayer games with him. Sometimes you check out the EN Minecraft server to see if the installed mods are working properly. Weirdly enough, almost every time you visit the server, Mysta is online. In fact, that’s how your not-so-business relationship started.
When you first entered the server, after double checking if no one was streaming at the scheduled hour, he was the first person you met. You thought you would run into Selen, Pomu, or perhaps Uki during your visit, but you were pleasantly surprised at his sudden appearance. Luckily, he was kind enough to show you around the server while teaching you some mods. With, of course, the trademark Mysta Rias experience packaged with sexual innuendos and teasing about. Well, except he didn’t go completely sexual considering it was your first time meeting him. He has some decency.
After that, you’ve run into him almost every time you visit the Minecraft server. Every visit eventually turned into hangouts, just you two (and sometimes another liver) chatting and building projects in-game. Soon enough, you and Mysta started to play other games together. You both played games such as Overwatch, Clubhouse, and sometimes League if you felt like torturing yourself for some reason.
Obviously, you had to keep the professionalism on both sides somehow. Your fellow staff members, especially some livers, noticed your close bond with the detective. So they usually send you to his DMs to discuss about any promotion offers involving him. Whenever you have your cameras on for a meeting, he somehow always flusters you with sudden flirtatious marks or something of the sort mid-conversation.
“Hello? Helloooooooo? Is someone there??”
Elira’s voice yoinks you out of your thoughts. Oh god, were you spacing out this entire time? How embarassing.
You clear your throat then respond as if you weren’t thinking of someone just now, “S-sorry, did you say something?”
“Oh my god. It’s that bad,” she mindlessly mutters.
Blink blink. “Huh?”
“Nothing,” she quickly retaliates. With a slight hum, she speaks again, “Since you’re gonna be stuck in hell… Want me to get you something? Like a souvenir or a limited edition thing? I literally have your address, man.”
Oh right, she does. Sometimes you and Elira send gifts to each other like figurines or plushies at random times.
“Nah, I’m good. Thanks for the offer, man.”
“Are you sure? I mean, I’ll still probably send some pics buuut… Y’know… Just saying…”
There she goes again, doing that thing where she wiggles her eyebrows even though you can’t see her fucking face right now. Goddamn it, why did you tell her about your… thing with Mysta? You should’ve known that she’s NOT going to let it go.
You groan, “Just. Just surprise me.”
“That’s so vague! Do you know what that means?”
“Yeah? So? Surprise me.”
“Man… You have no idea how much power you just gave me.” She cackles for the next few seconds, making you start regretting your decision. “Okay, I’ll surprise you. Just don’t forget you asked me to, alright? And no complaining!”
“Okay, alright, fine! I won’t complain! Jeez… Now get to bed, nerd, you have a flight tomorrow.”
“Sheesh, what are you, my mom?” You both chuckle at her remark. “Okieee~ I’ll go pass out now, I guess. Good night!”
“Good night, Ewiwa. Have a safe trip.”
And you both leave call. Well, maybe you should get to sleep too. It’s getting super late, after all.
—
Mysta stares at Elira across the table in disbelief. “Finals? Of all times? Bruh…”
“Haha, yeah! Super uncool and lame and not something I have to worry about soon,” his penguin colleague beside him laughs with a dreadfully crazed look in her eyes. She anxiously reaches out for her soda and starts drinking rapidly.
“Wh— it’s not like I can control it or anything. Shit happens!”
“I know, it’s just…” he drawls off as his gaze lowers to the table. Admittedly, it’s difficult for him to hide his expression. So naturally, the two girls noticed his disappointment. Elira and Petra awkwardly look at each other, then to him, then back at each other.
“Hey, it’s okay, Mysta,” Petra says as she pats his back. “You can always see them next time! Like Nijifest!”
The dragon nods, “Yeah! Or you could see them the next time you take a break. Like going on another vacation or something.”
“If I have enough money for it,” he sighed. But he gives them a small smile to appreciate their attempts to soothe him.
Petra frowns. “If? Mysta, you’re literally one of the top livers in EN, like? Hello? Mr. One Million?”
“But I still don’t know when that’s gonna happen. Might as well be in a year or maybe like half a year or something.”
Elira’s eyes narrow. She quietly listens to their conversation, or bickering at this point, while taking some occasional sips of her drink.
For the past practically a year, Elira’s been one of the victims to both of your hopeless gushing.
She already knew about your friendship since you’ve talked a lot about it before. She knows the stupid hijinks and drunken confessions that you and Mysta told her about off stream. Her eyes closes as a confused thought crosses her mind, Seriously, how are you two not dating already?
Of course, she’s quite aware that the rest of Luxiem are both of your victims. Hell, when Elira’s alone with the other boys, it’s usually them talking about how astonishing that you and Mysta aren’t together. Sometimes, they make bets on who’s going to confess first. It’s obvious!
Even with the two going back and forth, practically becoming one with the background, she closes her eyes and hums in thought. Finals should be finished next week, she mused. Her visible eye opens as she takes a glance at the ashy haired male. But he’s been so busy lately that they haven’t spoken with each other…
The entire EN branch had a full schedule for the past few months. In fact, their schedule was so full that sometimes the livers couldn’t make their own streaming schedules nor stream in general. Mysta, of course, was no exception. As one of the most popular livers in EN, he’s one of the most busiest people she’s ever known. On top of that, you too have been busy recently too. You haven’t been able to hang out with him as of late despite being a staff member yourself. Life really likes to fuck anyone over, doesn’t it?
She could tell that you two haven’t been able to find the time to talk with each other. The staff picked up many projects that practically almost everyone is unavailable, and you were one of said unavailable members. The only times the livers could contact you was through Slack or by email for business inquiries. But things should be slightly slowing down, for now that is.
Although, it would be nice to have you two meet each other once at the same time, even if it’s a coincidental encounter.
Wait a minute…
A devious smirk lifts her lips, her eyes glinting with mischief in mind. She chuckles to herself as she entertains the thought. Hell, it even looks kinda creepy to the other patrons. ESPECIALLY to her coworkers who’s now staring at her with confusion and a hint of fear.
“…Elira? Are you okay?” Petra asked the dragon.
“Hm?” She blinks out of her thoughts as the penguin’s voice pulls her back into reality. Elira stares at her and Mysta, who also looks a bit dumbfounded, before grinning at them. “Oh, don’t worry about it. Just thought of something.”
Blink blink. “Like what?” Mysta asked this time.
Again, she lets out a chuckle and flicks her wrist to wave off the concern. “Like I said! Don’t worry about it! Y’all will see it eventually.”
Soon enough, the waitress arrives with their orders. Elira turns to face her and helps her with the food. On the other side of the table, the two livers tilt their heads in confusion and eventually give each other an unknowing look as the table is served.
—
You lie in bed snuggled underneath your covers, but the lights are still on as you scroll through Twitter on your phone.
It’s been about a couple weeks since your call with Elira. She’s been sending you updates, videos, and pictures of the group’s adventures in Japan. Sometimes, she’d call you before going to bed to tell you what happened during the trip in case it was a story she couldn’t explain over text. Of course, there were times when another liver like Reimu and Nina would join in the call and give you the tea. As much as you wished you wanted to be there while dying in exams, you felt warm as you saw the livers enjoying themselves on their vacation.
Then, you noticed how fast the month flew by. Eventually, it was time for the livers to fly home and say goodbye for a while. They all had different flights, obviously, but there was a specific person who didn’t leave the country yet.
You were looking on Twitter while watching the members’ story time streams on a pop-up viewer. Although, you didn’t see Mysta’s waiting room or tweet indicating his return to streaming yet.
Suddenly, you remembered why.
“He wants to stay back for a bit,” Elira answered over the sound of her packing. “Dunno why, but I don’t blame him. He was in Japan for work last time.”
That he was. Though disappointing it is that you can’t hang with him for a while longer, at least he’s having fun.
“Oh, remember the thing I asked you about?”
She asked you something? When?
“What thing?” You asked.
“Uh… The souvenir thing?”
Oh shit, you forgot about that. And apparently, she noticed your forgetfulness as indicated by her laughter.
“I got you something,” Elira continued, “but I’ll send it to you when I get back.”
“Why not now? You can just ask headquarters to send it to me.”
“It’s not something in a box though.”
You blinked in confusion, unanswering.
On the other end of the line, you heard her chuckle, “You’ll see.”
Your brief conversation did, in fact, make you scared. Although it’s Elira, your local dependable dragon, sometimes she can be as unpredictable as… well… the rest of Nijisanji. Not just EN, but Nijisanji in general. Remember that one time you watched her stream where she suddenly jumped into a hole in that Forest collab? Yeah…
Now, some time has passed since the trip and she’s been home for about almost a week. It’s something not in a box, right? So what’s taking her so long? Is it digital? Or did she fuck up somewhere with the delivery?
Currently, you’ve been juggling schoolwork, personal work, and work-work. Needless to say, it’s been a stressful time, especially around this type of year. Seriously, why is everyone so goddamn busy around this time? Idle thoughts aside, you’ve also been anxiously waiting for Elira’s souvenir. For the past week, you’d constantly check your phone and your PC for any email or DM from Slack and Discord with Elira’s name attached to it. Every time you get DM’ed or emailed, it’s always been another liver or staff member whose name doesn’t start with Elira and end with Pendora.
But hey, at least you got funny memes from Luca and Mysta in the mean time!
Honestly, at this point, you might as well just give up. Maybe she did run into issues, or she just forgot.
You let out a sigh as you refreshed your feed for the umpteenth time tonight, accompanied by the ghost’s voice eminating through your speakers. Yet suddenly, a notification banner from Discord slides down onto the screen.
Elira Pendora
SURPRISE!!!!
Oh.
Huh.
So she didn’t forget??
Confused yet astonished at the same time, you pull down your notifications bar and tap on the DM to see what she sent.
As the iconic Discord logo pops up on your screen, it eventually loads your conversation with Elira. When you look past your previous chat, a message larger than it should be fills about a third of your screen.
A plane ticket to London next week. Seat number and all. And most notably, it has your name.
…
“HUH?”
You frantically tap on the textbox and type.
You
GIRL
WHAGT THE FUCK IS THIS
Elira Pendora
your souvenir! ☺️
You
WDYM SOUVENIR THATS NOT EVEN RELATED TO JAPAN??? 😭😭😭😭
also
HOW DID YUO GET MY NUMBER??? AND MY EMAIL????? :monkas:
Elira Pendora
I had to pull a few strings with staff
just normal coworker things
You
:thonk:
“normal”
Elira Pendora
but like you should go!!!
I didn’t go through all that just for you to not see him
and you really needed a break so 😎
You
??????
but hes Still in japan?????
Elira Pendora
yeah but he’s flying back home next week
I asked him earlier and had to like try to figure out how to get you to meet him at the same time
or like
around the same time 😌
You
man idk if i should thank you or yell at you
Elira Pendora
LMAO EITHER WORKS IT’S OKAY MAN
better get ready!!!
You
wait what about the hotel
Elira Pendora
what hotel? ☺️
i’m sure he wouldn’t mind letting you stay for a few days tbh
and yes I will also pay for your return trip
You
BUT YOUR LEN FUNDS……
Elira Pendora
I KNOW 😭😭😭
but it’s worth it! go get your man bitch!!
but :thonk:
I think I’ll try to pass out now since I have something scheduled tomorrow soooo
GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!
You
gn ewiwa :D
Well! Looks like you have a trip to prepare for.
—
The gray haired detective lounged comfortably in the AirBnB’s living room, resting on the sofa as he scrolled through Twitter. He let out a chuckle here and there, sometimes full on laughing whenever a funny meme popped up on his timeline.
“Meesta!” Elira called out to him from the kitchen island.
He turned around to look at the unusually giddy dragon. Confused, he asked, “What’s up?”
“When are you heading back?”
“Uh…” Pulling out his phone, he quickly went through his gallery to find a screenshot of his ticket. Once he found it, he examined the ticket for its boarding time and date then put it away. “In like a couple or so weeks. I thought I told you?”
“I don’t think you did,” she answered.
She motioned him to give her the device, or at least show her the screen. Of course, he complied. Though insane she is, he does have immense respect for her and Lazulight. Mysta stood up from his seat and approached her. Once in the kitchen area, he flipped his phone towards her, letting her singular visible eye take a peek.
Elira hummed as she inspected the ticket details then pulled back. “Cool. Thanks man!”
She walked away from the kitchen, carrying a glass of water upstairs leaving him even more confused.
It’s been three weeks since his unusual encounter with Elira. He sits idly at a bench by a luggage conveyor in the airport, waiting for his bags to unload from the plane. While waiting, he leans back into his seat and lets out an exhausted sigh. Luckily, no one is seated beside him, so he could just take up all the space on this uncomfortable bench. Still, he couldn’t help but reminisce onto their conversation.
Was she planning something? Was she just curious? What was she cooking?
Now, he’s back in the dreaded land of England, land of the beloathed. He pulls out his phone and immediately checks Discord. The EN server is lively as always, everyone’s practically home but the sense of energy radiates from the screen despite being digital. Like any other liver, he hops in the conversation a bit, sometimes memeing around with the others in the general channel.
Although, he noticed that your icon hasn’t appeared at least once since he landed. He was even paying attention to the top left corner of his screen for a red dot indicating your message. Normally, you’d send him a meme or something to see while he’s asleep or busy. But strangely enough, you haven’t yet. Maybe he should send you something? Or maybe call?
Mysta continues to catch up and reflect on the livers’ vacation in Japan on the server, his attention eventually caught by a familiar bag on the conveyor.
Welp. Looks like he’ll call you later.
—
Thank god Elira had the brain cells to make sure your flight isn’t after his own. Of course, she had to take in account about the flight times since you’re both literally across the globe from each other going to London. To avoid missing him right after landing, you were booked super early into the morning. But sometimes, there’s a possibility that you might be too early when he lands. And, unfortunately, that seems to be the case.
“He lands around midnight,” Elira told you on phone prior to checking in. “So you should be a biiiit early.”
Yeah, by like, 2 hours.
Man, what the hell are you supposed to do for two whole hours? Well, at least you have your phone AND your luggage. You could even people watch in the lobby. But that’s 2 hours!
What’s even more fucked up is that you can’t really use your phone unless you find the wifi. But airport wifi is kinda shitty, especially in England of all places. Talk about a British debuff.
You let out a heavy sigh and collapse into your seat. Napping is out of the question, even though you’re still kind of tired from the flight. Don’t wanna risk missing him by a smidgen, of course. So you ended up roaming around the airport for a while, getting yourself some drinks and snacks to keep you occupied while waiting for your friend. Luckily there were plenty of places to lounge while waiting, so you found a place to sit and enjoy your haul of snacks while waiting.
You did get to connect to the public wifi to look at some memes, but again, it’s the airport wifi. With how slow your phone’s been loading, you eventually disconnect yourself from the wifi after moments of mindless scrolling.
But then you realized something.
You have absolutely no idea what gate he’s in.
Panicked, you scramble to pick up your bags from your side and stand up. Shit, did Elira tell you what airline he took? God, having data in another country would be so helpful. There’s absolutely no way you’re gonna reconnect to the public wifi, it’s too damn slow! If you did have data, you’d look back to your DMs and scrub through your brief conversation from last night.
With a quick glance at your phone, the clock flashes briefly on the screen. 9:20pm, that means his flight’s arriving in less than an hour. Oh shit.
Immediately, you pace briskly throughout the terminals. As you scrounge through the crowds just to take a good look at the terminals, you ask staff for international flights from Japan along the way to help narrow down as much as possible. Throughout the search, you occasionally checked the clock on your phone. 9:40? Shit, his flight should be here now or soon.
“Mysta!” You suddenly shout, passerbys looking at you strangely as you start calling for his name. Your luggage rolls and bumps against the crevices of the floor, bags jostling as you promptly continue your search throughout the terminals. “Mysta Rias!”
Meanwhile, in the same area…
An ashy gray haired man stands in front of the carousel, waiting for the rest of his bags to drop onto the conveyor belt. He pulls out his phone from his pocket, taking a quick glance at his notifications and Discord. His mouth lowers into a frown, his brows furrowing in worry as he notices the lack of notifications from you. Did they really fall asleep?
Clink-clang!
Sunset kissed eyes shift towards the carousel at the sound. Spotting his luggage on the conveyor belt, he walks over to his revolving baggage and lifts them onto the ground. Maybe he’ll shoot you a dm later when he gets home. The handle on his large case clicks as he pulls it up, soon dragging it on its wheels behind him as he heads towards the direction of the exit.
You continue running and searching for him, frantically calling his name throughout the terminal. Your head turns left and right as you look into the surrounding late night crowd, your gaze briefly analyzing each arrival for any hint of his gray hair or his tallness. As you remain standing in the middle of the hall, looking for him, you see a tall man wearing small shades on the bridge of his nose. Gray side hairs framing his face sway into the air as he lugs his bags from the baggage claim and towards the nearest exit.
Without a second thought, your feet starts moving towards him. “Mysta—“ you call. “Mysta!”
After seconds and minutes of searching for him, calling his name and pushing through the crowd as you chase after him. Just a little more…!
“MYSTA!”
And finally… Finally, you see him.
With a clear shout of his name, the gray haired man halts.
Bewildered, he looks left and right until he turns around to see you panting. His heart stopped as he stares at you astonishly. The ambience of the crowd and muffled intercom speakers drowned out as he zoned onto you.
He looked at you.
The person standing just centimeters away from him.
The person who he thought was someone he’d never meet face to face ever.
The person who helped him find a reason to keep going even in the darkest of times.
It felt like hours just staring at each other. It didn’t even feel like there was an ocean of people swarming about and passing by. Without a second thought, Mysta slowly approaches you as if he were to scare you off. As if he didn’t want to wake up, if he is dreaming.
As he gets closer and closer, you didn’t make a move. No, you merely stared at him with wonder and excitement im your eyes.
You both stood across each other, only a few centimeters apart. He blinks several times, even pinching his wrists to disprove his thoughts. But he felt a stinging pain on each part.
An airy huff somewhat resembling a laugh escapes from him. Relief washes over him, and he whispers with a smile, “…Hi.”
You smile back.
“Hi.”
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This is gonna be a long one so bear with me…
Emerging once again with some more fun stuff! I attended Megacon this past weekend on Saturday and Sunday and did some pretty awesome stuff. First off I met Daniel Logan (played Boba Fett in Attack of the Clones) and he was such a sweetheart to me! I started it off by telling him I apologized in advance for how awkward I am and he said, “That’s okay! I’m awkward too! Just in an extroverted way!” He didn’t even stay behind his table he came around to stand next to me and talk and ended it by saying, “Come here, give me a hug.” And gave me the nicest hug (I always want to hug celebrities I meet but always freeze up and forget to so it was really nice of him to offer it).
Then I went over to his space dad, Temuera Morrison! The line was super long but I had my Lula plush and headphones to get me through it. Unfortunately they had to hurry things along because he had to get to his panel (which worked for me because I wanted to see the panel too) but I did manage to tell him that I think his portrayal of Boba Fett is the coolest, to which he said, “Thank you so much, but really, look at you! You’re much cooler!” And gave me a fist bump (I was wearing a Boba Fett shirt, Boba Fett jacket, Boba Fett backpack, and had Bad Batch pins on my jacket).
Then I went to the panel and met up with my friend to go meet Dee Bradley Baker afterward and we got super lucky because he was on a break so there was a very very short line to see him. We both walked up together and got Bad Batch prints and he used his Tech voice when signing mine and Wrecker voice when signing theirs. I then really wanted to tell him how much all of the Bad Batch mean to me because I’m an odd one out, but the one I really feel connected with it Tech. I told him how much the moment in Season 2 Epsiode 9 between Tech and Omega meant to me and how it made me feel seen and while explaining to him he continued using his Tech voice and then told me, “You’re not alone out there.” And that pretty much wrapped up Saturday.
Starting Sunday off early of me practically running to catch the Clone Wars panel (and accidentally making my friend think it was a different panel that they really wanted to see) and we got a free print! (I’ll show off my haul in a different post) During the panel, Dee Bradley Baker was asked who his personal favorite clone is and he talked about how much he likes the Bad Batch because they’re the odd ones out, much like him. Then someone asked the cast what their favorite mental health moment in Star Wars is and Dee Bradley Baker brought up the exact moment I told him about the previous day and talked about how he’s had people come up to him to tell him that that moment made them felt seen (I have a video of it that I’ll post as well). Once he started talking about it I was tearing up something awful (which was bad because I had done my makeup up a bit more than usual). The whole panel was so happy and meaningful, I think several tears were shed among the audience at some points. However, the main event of the day was yet to come.
I was going to meet the man who started this all, who started my social media presence in Tumblr and opened up a whole new experience for me. I, after 12 years of being a huge fan, was going to meet Tom Hiddleston. Unfortunately, the people in charge of keeping his autographs and photo ops coordinated gave me severe run arounds. I was told several different things, so luckily I covered my bases on all ends to finally make sure that I was going to the right spot at the right time. He had a panel at the end of the day right before the last batch of autographs (which I was part of) and my friend had a ticket to it (it was prepaid and I didn’t want to spend a fuck ton more) so we both went over to the area of the panel and autograph together at 3:00 PM. My ticket for the autograph was 5:45. After some extra run arounds I finally figured out where I was supposed to be and met someone who talked with me the whole time we were in waiting. For the general admission line, I was second in line.
Then comes time for the panel to start, and it gets delayed by an hour and 20 minutes (because Megacon couldn’t coordinate things properly, surprise surprise). The panel started 5 minutes after my autograph ticket said that I was meant to be at the autograph room. I was lucky to be sitting with someone who talked with me the whole time because we were both in line for 4 hours. 7:00 PM rolls around and we’re finally getting ready to go into the room, and I already know that they’re going to keep everyone’s interaction brief because the rest of the convention closed at 5:00 PM.
As we walked in I could see him and I went dead silent because I’ve never seen him in person before. I brought my Lula plush with me again for Sunday and I don’t think I’ve held onto something tighter in my life. Then I heard him talk and I was absolutely stunned. When I say this man is so soft spoken and just has such a calming energy about him, I mean it. And he’s so pretty in person, I couldn’t believe it. The person I talked with in the line was the first person in line for general admission and was wearing Slytherin robes. She started to cry and was covering half her face with her sleeve and he looked up from the print he was signing for her and said, “I can see you.” In a joking way to make her laugh. Then it was my turn and at this point I probably looked like a scared toddler clutching their plushie against them. I luckily found words and it went something like, “I’ve been a fan of you since I was 12 and I’m 25 now and your work means a lot to me and Loki is my favorite and I think you’re great I’m sorry I’m just super starstruck” (said very quickly with no breaks). I didn’t even say hi, I just started with that. His smile was so sweet and he was so kind even though they had him keep everything brief and before I walked away I told him, “Thank you so much for being here” and he stopped the interaction with the next person in line to smile at me and say, “No, thank you for being here.” I was barely holding it together now and I walked out of the room like everything was fine.
Then my friends and I stopped outside of the room to talk and dry off my autograph and they were telling me how good I did. Well, I wasn’t speaking much and my hand was trembling. My close friend immediately noticed what was about to happen and hugged me, and I hugged them back and that’s when the tears began. I apologize if this part is a little dark for some, but this is what was going through my mind as my friend hugged me. The moment I started crying, I had my eyes closed and I imagined telling younger me, “We did it, we made it.” I had some really down and dark moments in my past between 2012 and now. I’m much better than I have been, but it hit me that I lasted long enough to see the day that I met the man who basically helped me get through some of my dark moments. Tom was such a sweetheart, and super fucking tall might I say. He was sitting down and we were at eye level with each other.
Thus the Megacon weekend concluded, and I do have to say that the coordination of things was… Not great. The celebrities there were absolute sweethearts to everyone, but some of the staff were very rude, some were giving people run arounds, and some were just straight up unhelpful. There were only a handful of staff that actually helped us out and were nice enough to not give an attitude about our questions. I knew that going Saturday and Sunday would be pretty packed, and luckily it wasn’t like last years Megacon event where we literally couldn’t move if we were in the Artist Alley. Outside of the celebrities there and panels that they had, the experience really wasn’t the greatest. This portion is basically just a warning to people, if you go to Megacon Orlando you’re likely not going to have the absolute best experience (unless you pay a fuck ton of money for VIP). Overall, it was a good and bad experience, I’m just happy that I met the people I wanted to meet. If you made it this far, thank you for reading. Until next time.
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Last year I spend New Year's Eve watching Supernatural. My plan with friends got cancelled, but I wasn't really disappointed because I didn't really wanted to celebrate it anyway.
I was glad to stay at home alone and just watch Supernatural. My last day of 2022 I started shipping Destiel and my first day of 2023 as well. It doesn't look like what people call a New Year's Eve party, but I had fun anyway. I wasn't feeling like celebrating for personal reasons.
So for you, people alone on this night because you don't have any other choice or for those who just don't want to celebrate this New Year's Eve like people think you're supposed to, let me tell you that it's ok, whatever you do or don't do.
And if you want to spend this night with those two idiots in love, I'm obviously talking about Dean and Cas here because they were a great company for me at the time, then i'd like to suggest you watch SPN, go through Tumblr, watch edit videos, or read some fanfiction. I wrote some myself if you want to check it.
Anyway, to all of you I wish you a Happy New Year. May we have a real announcement about SPN season 16. May we get to see a Destiel reunion on our screen (and by that I mean THEE Destiel reunion that we want). May this year be filled with gifs, meta, fanart, fanfiction and all our crazy ramblings about those two idiots because this is what fandom is about.
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i ran clone xreader bingo this year, and it was SO much fun!! here's a list of all the fics i created! i may try to finish my last two squares before december 31st, but i'm posting this now as an example for other participants who may be stuck on formatting their own masterlists.
if you want to peruse the plethora of amazing fanfiction that was created for this event, check out @clonexreaderbingo on tumblr and the event's AO3 collection!
a 💐 next to a fic's title means it's a personal favorite of mine (i picked two)
coruscant guard's (unconventional) dating service: free for clones named fox || commander fox
square: "this is awkward"
summary: this celebration only came once a year, and this time, the coruscant guard enlisted some help from other battalions to make sure that fox would finally admit his feelings for you.
a show of trust || commander wolffe
square: "do you trust me?"
summary: sometimes the best solutions come from the minds of those who aren't soldiers, and wolffe has to get used to trusting others that are not his general or his vode.
filed under: incident reports || no romantic relationship 💐
square: 79’s
summary: managing a bar was never easy, but you tried your best to keep things running smoothly, even if sometimes you had to make hard decisions
or alternatively: a collection of 79’s most hilariously infamous incident reports, some which made you ponder a career change.
don't wait for the sky to clear || hunter
square: "you're an idiot"
summary: When you wake up to hear a storm outside where the ship is parked, you recruit Omega to have some fun in the pouring rain with you. The only downside is the tired admonishment you'll inevitably receive from your boyfriend when he sees the two of you.
in the heat of battle || crosshair
square: bounty hunter
summary: When Crosshair disobeys your direct orders in battle, you come to confront him about it. Things get a little heated from there.
dreaming of this || echo
square: "you're lucky you're cute"
summary: You and Echo share a quiet moment and a dance before Cid's bar opens for the day.
weep not for what you've done, but rather who you've lost along the way || commander cody 💐
square: heartache
summary: it wasn't supposed to happen like this, the man you loved wasn't supposed to be the one to end your life. and to make matters worse, you had to keep reliving it, over, and over, with no end in sight and no clear reason why you were subjected to a torture worse than your darkest nightmare.
you would have thought this heist would have been slightly more thought out, given the circumstances || platonic bad batch & reader
square: "let me do the talking"
summary: Hunter has to sit out on an assignment because of an injury, and it becomes remarkably clear to everyone else that the position of "voice of reason" is not something that can be replaced, especially not when you're there.
no flirting in the jedi archives || fives
square: archive
summary: When on shore leave, one could usually find Fives in the basement of the Jedi Temple, flirting with the primary caretaker of the Archives (even though he denies it when his brothers ask). Finally, he decides to just ask her out.
a little brotherly teasing || thorn
square: "your flirting skills need work"
summary: He’s a high ranking commander, an expert in weaponry, and the Coruscant Guard’s man on the inside for this Senate gala, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to get a pass from the teasing. And it’s all because he’s a little too obvious about his giant crush on you.
ally, rival, friend? || rex
square: "you owe me"
summary: It’s not that he hates his general’s bounty hunter friend, but Rex is a little more prone to headaches whenever you’re on the flagship. This time though, he sees the chance to start over with you.
almost disasters || tech
square: cooking
summary: Your beloved attempts to put together a surprise for you. Nothing about it really goes to plan.
the strength to keep going || jesse
square: haunted
summary: the more time you spent in the GAR, the more you came to know grief, especially when the casualties of the war were people you had grown close to. Jesse notices that you're struggling, and reaches out to help.
deep space delicacies || echo
square: stuck
summary: In the midst of the war, you manage to find the time to bring about a different, more welcome kind of chaos: teaching the clones how to bake. The 501st take the opportunity to force you and Echo to admit how you feel about each other.
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Tagged by @eddie-rifff Thank you!! ✨️
What book are you currently reading? none
What's your favorite movie you saw in theaters this past year? either X or Bodies Bodies Bodies. This last one was really fun and people even clapped at the end!
What do you usually wear? I like wearing dresses, weather permitting, and I also wear jeans and boots a lot. I love wearing earrings too. I don't have a favorite color for clothing, but I think I wear neutral colors more
How tall are you? 1.61 m
What's your star sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event? I'm a Capricorn, and I was born on Christmas 🎄✨️
Do you go by your name or nickname? I go by many names 😂😂😂 some people simply call me Camila, others call me Bárbara, because it doesn't sound like a surname at all, but like a first name. My dad calls me Biba (which means gecko in Portuguese btw, I love it!), I have a friend who calls me Camiloca, most of my friends call me either Mila or Cams, and I still have other nicknames like Mi and Mil!
Did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child? well... if we're talking about a profession I never really knew what I wanted to be
Are you in a relationship? If not who is your crush if you have one? I'm single and waiting for the day I'll at least have a crush on someone, it's been a while
What's something you're good at vs something you're bad at? I'm good at getting good grades but I suck at doing anything beyond that
Dogs or cats? I like both, but if I had to choose one, dogs!
If you draw/write, or create in any way, what's your favorite picture/favorite line/favorite etc. from something you created this past year? I started making gifs, but I don't think I have a favorite
What is something you would like to create content for? I already do now! I make gifs of my favorite bands and artists that don't have a big fanbase here on tumblr
What's something you're currently obsessed with? I guess nothing :(
What's something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this past year? can't think of anything that disappointed me this past year, but a couple days ago I went to Starbucks for the first time and I was so excited! I thought it would be super cool! But man... maybe I wasn't lucky cuz the place was dark and even a bit depressing, and the service was well... not groovy. People working there looked like they were being held hostage. And the beverage I asked tasted like nothing! It was really underwhelming
What's a hidden talent of yours? man, I can't think of anything
Are you religious? no
What's something you wish to have at this moment? not something that one would "have", but I really wish I knew how to adult!
I'll tag @fancycolours @thespiritofvexation @burn-on-the-flame @theyseemefoldin @rabin-or-horn @vanillaveils @hoppkorv @carlpalmer @vibesfromepicforest @modernmanblues @vegitable if you want to :)
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(I thought tumblr had finally changed it so you can ask shit from a side blog. Arrrrrgh did I imagine it? Well this is fanfoolishness yet again regretting this being my goddamn main 😅)
Morganite - 45, 54
Tourmaline - 28, 35, 42
Jean - 22, 31
Thank youuu! Yeah ahah tumblr defo let you send in asks from side blogs before because I'm pretty sure I saw you celebrating this in a post once.
WEIRDLY SPECIFIC BUT HELPFUL CHARACTER BUILDING QUESTIONS
_
I'm once again gonna provide a visual for all these OCs ahah. I think I'm gonna have to do that from now on out, it's fun and probably helpful to people reading 'em.
Morganite- (I am forever obsessed with this shit-eating grin sketch I did of her)
45- What’s something unimportant / frivolous that they hate passionately?
I answered this one for Morganite on another ask, but I'm gonna give another, because she just has so much hate and disdain stored up in that gemstone, ahah-
I have a silly OC headcanon that half-Gem Jean Maverick ends up introducing the game of billiards to Gemkind at Little Homeschool. Well, a modified version of the game that's about scoring points for the most mathematically "sick AF" shots eventually ends up spreading like wildfire across the galaxy proper, and plenty of Morganite's lackeys are sucked into it, playing it constantly. Thus, she really, really fucking hates billiards. It's constantly distracting her troops from their duties. Yet another way that damned hybrid keeps thwarting her plans.
54- What’s their instinct in a fight / flight / freeze / fawn situation?
Oh, absolutely fight.
With the circumstances she's lived through (a viscous war, a life partner defecting to join rebels, one's diamond being shattered and having to be re-assigned and rebuild one's reputation under a new leader-) she's easily paranoid, and always wide alert. You really do NOT want to sneak up on her, or spring anything unexpected.
_
Tourmaline- (rebel Tourmaline is soooo my scrunklie)
28- What do they tell people they want? What do they actually want?
Courtier era Tourmaline tells people that she wants to be seen as the most intelligent, knowledgeable Gem in the room. Tourmalines are like... the bookkeepers, the ones who actually WRITE the history- at their Diamonds' behest, of course- and so it is their duty to be in the Know about everything happening around them at all times.
In reality though, all Tourmaline really wants is to make people laugh. To enjoy lasting conversation. To make an impression. For so, so many years, other Gems only saw her as like... a tool, a means to access knowledge, just a living repository for facts, but she wants people to gravitate to her because of who she IS, not what she can give.
35- What is the smallest morally questionable choice they’ve made?
The SMALLEST morally questionable choice? Well... hmm. I mean, she was a strategist in a war, so there were plenty of BIG morally questionable choices... but small?
Hmm.
The reason why these memes are so fun is that sometimes they inspire me to pull shit right out of my ass on the spot. Anyways, one day Tourmaline was sharpening her sword in Bismuth's forge at her permission and accidentally like, broke one of her tools.
She never fessed up to it, and eventually one of Bismuth's weapon smith apprentices gets blamed for it instead.
42- If invited to a TED Talk, what topic would they present on? What would the title of their presentation be?
Hmm...
"Rejuvenated, But By Choice This Time: How To De-program Yourself From Gem Society In Ten Easy Steps"
It's a comedy TED Talk about her own experience in defecting from Homeworld and joining the Crystal Gems that also ends up tackling some Real and Raw topics lol. Probably a talk you'd see given as part of some evening programing at Little Homeschool.
_
Jean Maverick- (I still eternally love this lovely art my friend @cynthi-arts did for me of them)
22- What simple activity that most people do / can do scares your character?
Eating food freely without having to scrounge over the nutrition labels to look at ingredients. Like damn, how do these people live?
The reason why is that Jean has a gluten intolerance- it's not... entirely so bad that it's a full-out allergy, but life is simply easier if they go to the effort of avoiding it as much as they can. This is a big reason why they always envied Gems growing up, in how they don't need to eat or drink or sleep to remain operational- just access to light.
Jean really wishes they weren't saddled down with this half-human bit a lot, suffice it to say. Surely everything would be sooo much easier if they were just a Gem. (So they believe.)
31- When do they feel the most guilt? How do they respond to it?
In the wake of drastic events that come far later, Jean ends up saddled with guilt in how they handled their first encounter with Morganite. They feel that Little Homeworld and Beach City wouldn't have come under such fire if they had acted more decisively that day- poofed her, perhaps, instead of simply cornering her to be ultimately led off in the custody of Homeworld reform officers.
Their way of dealing with all this stress and the needless what-ifs is by completely wearing themself to the bone around the clock in the manhunt for Morganite after her vicious attack on Little Homeworld/Beach City. Jean simply cannot rest until this loose end is tied up completely, and they will absolutely face negative bodily repercussions due to this.
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I can’t believe we’re at 2023!! What a year it’s been...both good and bad. First and foremost, I want to say thank you to my followers, readers, mutuals, friends, whoever you are - thank you. I couldn’t have made it through this year without you!
I did this last year and I wanted to do it again with a few added/removed questions, but I feel like we all need a little moment to celebrate our successes and accomplishments, so here’s mine under the cut!
Fandom(s) written for: The Hobbit, Our Flag Means Death
Pairings written for: Bilbo/Thorin, Ed/Stede
Number of works (total): 20
How many of those are completed?: 11
Word count (prev year): 241,178
Word count (2022): 534,448 (293,270 more than last year, not counting tumblr drabbles)
# of WIPs: Enough?? Literally, I don’t know anymore loool. I have 7 active fics currently, 8 plot bunnies that have outlines/content written, and at least 15 sitting in the little brain-crockpot (aka my idea spreadsheet) waiting to be fleshed out.
Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted?
I’ll always say I wish I had posted more, there were some chunks in my year that really hit me hard and made writing nearly impossible, but looking at the actual numbers...posting almost 300k on ao3 this year? I can’t be mad at that. Here’s to hoping next year maybe I can break 300k!!
To put my year into perspective a little bit, I broke it down a little bit more!
Posted 37 chapters/updates
Posted 7 oneshots (2 within my King and Lionheart collection)
Posted 9 plot bunnies
Finished 2 big fics (6 chapters each)
This doesn’t count the drabbles I did for tumblr, and looking at it this way, I am definitely feeling pretty good about my 2022 - here’s to hoping 2023 is even better!!
Did you take any writing risks this year?
I feel like I did!!
Participated in TRSB
Created a fic writer’s blog to support other fic writers @fellowshipofthefics
Wrote for a new fandom (OFMD)
Hosted a new Hobbit Event via FOTFICS
Plot bunny follower event!! SO MANY IDEAS.
I did a lot of birthday gift writings this year
SO MANY COLLABS!!! And more to come...
Did you participate in any fandom events this year?
I took part in two! It was my first time participating in the Tolkien Reverse Summer Bang this year, and I was partnered with the ever delightful @mysandwichranaway! We came up with a very fun modern!royalty AU that I am very proud of. Sandy did some amazing artwork for it as well, and honestly, this was my first multichapter fic finished (6 chapters!) and was written in about 3 months. Not too bad!
→ Between Vices and Virtues
Fellowship of the Fics hosted a Hobbit event, An Unexpected Collaboration where I was partnered with @consultingpacha! I had a few plot bunnies stored away and one worked so well with our prompt, and it was nice to get one off the list! Pacha’s artwork continues to blow me away, and I’m very happy with this fic. The positive response has been overwhelming already!
→ The Night We Met
Both fics have potential sequels! We’ll see how time goes for me this next year.
Do you have any fanfic or general writing goals for the new year?
I’d like to finish projects first and foremost, as well as unleash some new ones. Alongside that though as a writer I’d like to explore new situations/tropes/vocabulary/smut and just expand on what I’m doing already. I’m hoping to put out more words than I did this year, and focus more on my fics rather than events (though I had a lot of fun!)
Next year is the year of Razzy fics - I have so many different plot bunnies I want to tackle! That in itself will help me expand my horizons.
From the past year of writing, what was your…
Longest story: May Your Forge Burn Bright (79,010 words)
Shortest story: Concerning Dwobbits (2,635 words)
Top 3 by kudos: Though I don’t like to think that stats say what is a good fic and what is a bad fic, sometimes I just can’t help but look at them. My current top 3 by kudos in no particular order!
→ Seasalt and Silk (OFMD)
→ May Your Forge Burn Bright
→ Dragonhearted
Best story of this year: I am picking this one purely on the fact that in 2 chapters, it’s blowing some stats out of the water, and we’re on the pirate train (thank you, OFMD) I am thoroughly impressed with the feedback and response from this fic already, and I am so excited to continue it! It’s going to be a fun ride!
→ As The Tide Turns
Personal favorite of 2022: My first collab project, and with my beloved @stardryad-random!! Honestly, this story feels so original even though it has head nods to other forms of media, and it just took on a life of its own. This one will also finish out in 2023!! So be on the lookout for more updates from both myself and Star!
→ When Darkness Shines Brightest
Most fun to write: I think this one is a tie. I feel like I have the most genuine happy-crackshit-fun when writing two of my modern AUs that have been around for a while, both for completely different reasons. First there’s the band AU, there’s just something about a slice of life journey featuring music and books (which are two of my favorite things) that really touches my heart. Then there’s the real crackshit fic, my WWDITS inspired vampire fic, where I can literally put the stupidest ideas and it just...works, somehow. It still has a plot, I promise!! I feel like the readers have fun with these fics as well!
→ Bookbinder//Songwriter
→ Where The Shadows Lie
Most challenging to write: I think every fic is going to be challenging in some way, but the one that springs to mind (which is why it was delayed so much) is Dragonhearted. The latest update was a bit chaotic. Lots of characters, lots of fighting, and it was very important for me to ensure it was clear to the reader as to what was going on. Battle scenes aren’t something I’m overly confident in yet, but this made me figure it out pretty quickly (or slowly, actually).
→ Dragonhearted
Fic I’m proudest of writing: Honestly, this is the year of events (yes, even just two) and I am insanely proud of both of them. They may not be “big behemoth fics” by any means, but considering they both have decent word counts and I did them in 1-3 months a piece, I’m pretty grateful and have every reason to be proud!
→ Between Vices and Virtues
→ The Night We Met
Story with the single sweetest moment? (Top 3)
Bookbinder//Songwriter (The Acorn Tattoo) - Bilbo has spent the evening with Bofur, Nori and Ori, preparing for Bree Bash with a more “rockified” look, which includes piercings and one tattoo. We have an “acorn” scene, a declaration of not needing to change for the other, and overall, it’s just very sweet.
Between Vices and Virtues (Gold and riches cannot compare to you) - Here we have a cliche train scene, but with a small twist. Thorin doesn’t make it to the station in time to catch Bilbo before he leaves for the Shire after a misunderstanding/falling out. He pulls strings to make the train come back so that he can right some wrongs that never should have happened in the first place.
(Take Me Back To) The Night We Met (Forget-me-nots) - Without spoiling too much as this is a newer fic, we see Thorin and Bilbo talking about a few keepsakes, such as a rune stone, some forget-me-nots, both gifted by the other. Give it a read!
Story with the most angsty moment? (Top 3)
When Darkness Shines Brightest (The Fall of Erebor) - This whole story takes the cake on “angsty” but this particular scene where Bilbo is whisked away into a shadow dream to witness for himself what happened to Erebor truly wins the angsty award.
May Your Forge Burn Bright (Mine Collapse) - Bilbo is caught in a mine collapse, and Thorin desperately tries to unbury his hobbit with doubt in his head and worry in his heart that it may be a body to be recovered.
Kurdu ‘abadaz (My sister’s sons) - Thorin gets to see Fili and Kili for the first time since Ravenhill. He’s smacked with the severity of their injuries, and naturally, blames himself.
Least popular fic: A one shot request that is a gen fic for Thorin, Fili, and Kili. I found it very fun and sweet to write, but it’s definitely showing me that ship fics get way more attention.
→ I’ll Keep You Safe
Biggest Disappointment: While there are always going to be highs and lows with writing, I am pretty disappointed in the response to my TRSB fic, which is one I am very proud of, and it just didn’t seem like there was the response I was looking for. I understand that the event was VERY Silm heavy, and probably should have altered my expectations, but I had wanted it to do better. Sandy and I both worked very hard on this Modern Royalty Bagginshield fic. I know modern!au can be a bit finicky with the fandom...but give it a chance!!
→ Between Vices and Virtues
Biggest Surprise: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Collaboration - honestly, this fic was a small nugget of a plot bunny after spotting some artwork some months ago, and I wanted to do a little short story based off of it. It blew up. It was a perfect prompt for Pacha and I’s collab, and it’s not even been out a month, and it’s SOOOO loved by the community??? I’ve never had a story with so many comments asking for a sequel. It’s overwhelming in the most unexpected, yet amazing, way!
→ The Night We Met
What can we expect in 2023?
Word Count: I almost hit 300k this year, so I want to surpass the 300k mark if possible!
Finishing Fics: I am determined to finish a few of my big fics such as ”Dragonhearted”, “May Your Forge Burn Bright”, and “When Darkness Shines Brightest”!
Starting Fics: Some of the plot bunnies are going to show up in 2023, you can check them out → here!
Collaborative Works: I would love to do more collabs with my fellow creators! (Stay on the look out, you just might see @sunnyrosewritesstuff and I working together soon enough.)
FOTFICS Participation/Drabbles: While I don’t really take requests anymore, I will be participating in more FOTFICS monthly challenges - which means taking suggestions from my followers <3
Positive Vibes Only: A more positive Razzy.
Now, to tie off my Year In Review, the ever lovely @i-did-not-mean-to tagged me in a fun little game to show off some of my favorite bits of work I’ve done this year.
Five works I'm proud of (tho I’m proud of them all)
When Darkness Shines Brightest
As The Tide Turns
Bookbinder//Songwriter
Dragonhearted
May Your Forge Burn Bright
Four new WIPs I am excited to release next year
Fuck Thy Neighbor (Accidental Marriage)
Led Only By The Stars (Space!AU)
Sweeter Than Honey (Modern!AU)
Heartstones (Soulmate!AU)
Top three improvements
I’ve improved in expanding my horizons to different tropes/Ideas I didn’t think I would touch before.
I do not check the stats regularly, and I feel a LOT better as a writer and just overall mentally.
My outlining/organization process has SIGNIFICANTLY improved this year, and it’s making my life a ton easier.
Top two resolutions
Finish some big fics!!!
Never compare myself to another author. There is only one of me, and my stories are unique to me and make me happy, that’s what matters.
(Honorary mention: I want to read more fics!!!)
Favorite line
This is an impossible question, but I threw an imaginary dart that landed on my pirate AU, so we gotta go with this one!
“What have we here? A stowaway, or a rat? I’ll give you this, you almost had it…but the secret to escaping somewhere quietly,” that blade tilted a bit, forcing Bilbo’s chin upwards as the man holding it crouched, knees bent to bring them near face to face, “is to be quiet.” (-> As The Tide Turns)
I picked this because....let’s be real, the sexual tension of this scene alone is just....yes. Bilbo’s chin tipped up with a sword, hell yeah.
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Happy 2nd Anniversary!
Hello everyone!
Today marks the second anniversary of this blog! Wow, I can't believe it's been two years already!
(Note, I created the blog earlier but February 4th 2019 was my first original post here so I use that date as the blog's birthday)
I'm honestly suprised this blog lasted this long, since I'm a very shy person usually on the Internet and commitment isn't exactly my strong suit. But what can I say? I love it here and Tumblr feels like home at this point!
To celebrate I'm gonna reminisce a little bit and write down my thoughts about this blog. It's gonna get really sappy, I'm sorry.
Just kidding. I'm not sorry at all.
2022 has truly been the year of all time.
A lot and I mean a lot of ups and downs.
I started and ended my first job, went on vacation, had one of the worst instances of allergy + depression, you name it. In hindsight, every few months I was in a wildly different situation and mental state.
But the thing that overall made 2022 great was finally getting into art!
To turn the ironic hate off for a moment, I love Fire Emblem.
It's not my favorite series (Kingdom Hearts and Kirby share that position), but it's one I still adore and now am truly greatful for, because for a reason or another it was the only one it felt welcoming enough to me to actively make an account about it and be active in social media rather than a ghost after years.
Before I made this blog I wrote a few supports for the fire-emblem-heroes-supports blog. I think they were the first piece of writing I ever made willingly and not as part of a school assignment, and looking back I still cherish them.
Eventually I had the idea for this blog, and after a lot of hesitation in typical me fashion, fayesdiary was born!
I mentioned it a few times already, but originally it was meant to be just meta analysis posts, a few headcanons and theories and my sporadic writings. Overtime though it became a lot more freeform in what I posted, and I think it's all the better for it!
I got the courage to write and posts my first fanfictions and slowly carved my own personal space here on Tumblr. Like, a very cozy rat hole.
Over time, this blog became a personal hobby and it gave me a lot of satisfactions. I got close to some people I truly admire and made a few friends too!
And boy, then we get to last year, which has been an absolute blast in terms of creativity!
I don't think I ever had in mind making a dialogue dump website of Awakening, but it happened and I had a lot of fun making it and giving it a lot of tiny details!
...even if its layout has the stability of a Jenga tower and it's just the Gangrel arc. Whatever. It's the thought that counts.
I wrote a bunch more! Not as much as I wanted, but I made some stories I'm really proud of. And I took part in a few fandom events and not just one but two Secret Santas for the first time!
I took a shot at making wallpapers and made some I'm really proud of, especially the Three Hopes ones. They were so fun to make and the process was just tons of fun!
And that leads nicely to... making art.
See, the thing about me is that I always sucked at making art.
I couldn't keep my hands stable, I am incredibly clumsy and I couldn't draw anything more complicated than simple childlike doodles.
And while I loved painting, the fact I felt incapable of making anything good or that I could like lead me to not even bothering to try. Why bother if you're just gonna be disappointed and frustrated, after all?
Until I got into group painting at around July, and I loved it.
I made some paintings I truly like, and that eventually gave me the courage to start drawing again. As a half-joke.
Only this time, I decided to draw with references, and my whole world got upside down.
Turns out I could actually somewhat draw if I had a reference! And somehow I never realized it in years!
Something clicked.
I figured it'd just be a thing I'd do for a week at most and then drop like so many other creative projects of mine, but... it stayed.
Not only that, but I got more invested into it.
I went from physical to digital (with the mouse!), and eventually shifted to a graphic tablet a friend lent me (and then pretty much gifted me). Eventually the drawings became so many I decided to make an art blog!
Me! An art blog! The me from even just early 2022 would have called you insane if you said it!
And now not just that, but I'm even making preparations to open a Redbubble shop! I still can't believe it!
And a huge part is thanks to this blog, really!
It gave me and still keeps giving me the courage to try new stuff, find new friends and people who inspire me, and lets me know people enjoy what I make or say. It's amazing, and it makes me feel so happy!
I'll be honest, I am grateful to this blog. It truly helped me get into a better place, and I can confidently say ever since I opened it I feel a lot happier. And that's coming from the local cynical bastard who usually hates themselves, but now?
I went from hating myself to being neutral at worst for the most part. Even if I still have my moments sometimes, but that's normal.
And now I actually have hope for the future!
But really, it says a lot that for once at the New Year party I wasn't the one who claimed the next year was going to suck. Heck, I was actually caught off guard when one of my friends said it and I said no, it's gonna be good!
Anyway, enough rambling.
What I want to say is, thank you for everything.
Thank you to the people who complimented me or even just commented on the things I made.
Thank you to my mutuals and anonymous lurkers.
Yes, I know you're there, I was and often still am one of you.
And most of all, thank you to all my online friends I made here on Tumblr.
When I think about it, we haven't known each other for that long, but I want you to know now I can't imagine a life without you and you brighten my day every time we chat. I love you so much and I wish you nothing but the best<3
Here's to plenty more years of this blog!
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So the last time I posted anything was way back in 2016 when I had just moved to England and was working in a shitty hotel. Finally after ten thousand years I'm back, and in the intervening time I, in vaguely chronological order:
Had various celebrity encounters (details available on request)
Got married
Moved to a new city
Worked in a different shitty hotel
Worked in a shitty call centre
Joined one of the Big 4, iykyk
Had a kid
Moved back to Scotland
Got diagnosed with autism
Had another kid
And now after all that character development I've come back to a Tumblr account untouched for almost a decade and a screen name I first came up with almost two decades ago. Christ I'm old.
Why?
Let's slam on the auld accelerator all the way back to summer 2006. I was a complete antisocial nerd and not in the cutely engaging likeable way but in the cold, creepy hate-filled way. The undiagnosed autism probably had a lot to do with it tbh.
My only social contact was as a cringy hanger-on to my friends' band, and when I say friends I mean people who we had no choice but to be around each other in class. It's like going to sea in olden times, or having a cellmate with a pretty enough mouth. You make do, but it doesn't have any deeper meaning or connection.
One weekend they promised everyone that they'd be getting played on the radio. A small local station that no longer exists, practically hand-cranked. So me and various others tuned in and waited for hours to hear them. Did they rock the rural Scottish airwaves all the way from Lochaber to Fochabers, Invergordon to Inverbervie, Pitlochry to Pitmedden?
No, no they didn't. The mid-2000s were sadly denied their ten millionth landfill indie band and life went on. I never found out why and I didn't really care because my thought at that moment was just - fuck this, I want to do something for myself.
Another thing about me at that time was that I was a huge Metal Gear Solid fan - still am in a lot of ways. I played the heck out of MGS3 and liked The Sorrow so much that I habitually wore a commando sweater because I thought they were cool.
Reading that back it sounds like the start of a particularly gross Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life parody but I swear it's true. In any case, I had found a bunch of MGS3 fanart and such on Deviantart but was too paranoid and anxious to actually create an account.
Up until that day, anyway. I wanted to do something for myself so I took the plunge and did it. Met a lot of really great people and had some wonderful times over the following 10ish years. It was nice, in the most meaningful way, to make my own little identity for myself when I didn't have anything else going on that really mattered to me as a person. Also I wrote a lot of edgy Dark Eldar fanfiction.
Of course, life went on and I ended up drifting away on the tide of gradually building up other things in my life, even in my own slow way. Which brings us to now.
It's pretty pleasant, in a nostalgic way, to revisit the online footprint of the person I was then and to look at his antics with a little more, dare I say it, maturity and self-awareness than I had at the time. But I'd be lying if I didn't say it's also pleasant to recapture a little of how it felt to be that person whose responsibilities extended only as far as creating OCs and adding the right amount of XD, x3 and ^_^ emotes to every comment.
What a dork. But it was fun to be that dork.
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Okay so i did explain to him that the uk version was the original and his comment to that was a very simple ‘not to be a bitch to the tea people but Brian is better’ and then I told him that Charlie Hunnam aka the hot guy from Sons of Anarchy was actually in it and i wish you could see his face! Literally jaw on the floor/wide eyed and he sat like that for a good minute. But that lead to him then going on a 5-10 minute rambling about how Charlie and Aiden worked together in the movie King Arthur so now Gale and Randy have to reunite as well. And i fully agree with him.
Listen, it’s been days since he found out about Gale being straight and he’s still shocked. We did watch the Prom episode and he literally paused on him and went ‘come on..he can’t…man’ he’s literally having a similar reaction as Mikey did to Hunter. It’s kinda funny ngl. As for his ‘i think’ moment, I honestly have no clue what Gale did to him. Our uncle did say to our mom that if this is how he comes to a certain type of realization that he will never let him live it down because my brother made fun of him for realizing he was gay due to young Hugh Grant. So i think out of everyone, my uncle is the only one who is actually hoping my brother had an awakening through Gale.
I have a love hate relationship with the proposal (my brother only has like 2% love for it, the rest is hate but whatever) but the ‘my prince’ thing started a fight in the house when we watched it. Cause to me it was a cute moment but for some reason is felt a little awkward to me. I think cause the whole thing felt out of character, idk how to explain it. But my brother while having an ‘awww’ type of reaction, swears that Brian would never and that the reason for Brian’s expression afterwards is because Gale was trying not to laugh. So his hatred for the proposal is insane.
As for the B99, both of us have seen in multiple times and he put it on last Saturday because he wanted to watch some comfort shows. And then on Wednesday we were watching the Halloween II episode and when the episode ended with Holt winning the heist that’s when my brother got a text from his friend about Andre. It was the worst timing ever. So for the past few days B99 is the only thing we’ve watched.
Btw our family has this tradition where for Christmas we give each other 3 presents. 2 that are good/useful and 1 that’s something random/weird/sometimes bad. And last year he gave me 2 different photos of himself as a present and the 3rd one was a box of condoms (that was his ‘bad gift cause lesbian ha ha and photos of him are always a good gift duuh’- this was his actual explanation). So I’m genuinely considering giving him your blog and the knowledge of the fandom/what i did :/ as the 3rd gift. I told my uncle and cousins and they all think this is a great idea, which leads me to believe its a bad idea BUT i guess we will find out. He does know fandom exists because he’s been watching edits but he doesn’t know about fics and tumblr. So I’m going to slowly let him him know this week. Wish me luck even though i think he’ll handle it okay…ish
UH YES GALE AND RANDY NEED TO REUNITE IN A FILM. Your brother is so wise about this.
I’m lmao literally about his reaction to Gale being straight is Mikey’s reaction to Hunter being straight. So he’s being half drag queen half Italian about the news.
Your uncle realized he was gay to a young Hugh Grant? I’m dyinggggg! My spouse came out to their parents in their bedroom which was papered floor to ceiling with magazine cutouts of Sandra Bullock. And I had Jennifer Anniston all over my room. I guess my point is, we all have the celebrity that makes us go Oh. Oh.
I do think Gale was trying not to laugh, I mean he really looks like he’s about to crack up. The for my prince line is the worst. And if I was Justin — well a lot of things if I was Justin, but I would say no on the basis of that line alone and make Brian go get assessed for a stroke or something.
I watched Halloween II the night I found out about Andre! I watch B99 every night as I’m falling asleep. ACAB and all that but it is my comfort show.
One year my in-laws did a white elephant gift exchange and my BIL thought we were all doing gag gifts so he got boxer briefs and socks printed with his face on them. My spouse “won” them and they’re now in our sock and underwear drawer. All this to say, I think your brother gets to learn about his tumblr fame for Christmas. This year is an in-laws year for Christmas (we alternate, my parents are still salty about 2020 being their year) so if you want to send me updates, I will welcome the distraction. I love my in-laws (and especially my niblings) but I am an only child and my parents are quiet and visiting my in-laws is 8 adults, 3 children, and one dog under one roof and no one is quiet and it is A LOT for me.
I think he’ll handle it okay. Just make sure he doesn’t let the fame go to his head.
Also, Brother Anon if you’re reading this because your sister revealed that she’s been sharing your reactions with the internet - HELLO! YOU ARE VERY POPULAR IN A TEENY TINY FANDOM ON TUMBLR WHICH IS A VERY PARTICULAR TYPE OF FAME.
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my doc upped my adhd meds and my brain is rattling and nobody is home for me to talk to… so, here you go, it’s me! a machine of consciousness!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Every once in a while i consider getting off tumblr, but then i remember that this is my main(only) source of people who care about mcr as much as i do. Don't get me wrong, i have friends who are always excited to hear me talk about whatever the fuck is going on with those freaks and i love them for it, but they don't really have a lot of opinions or things to say. They like to hear about it because they care about me and want to hear about the things that i care about, which is fucking wonderful! But, at a certain point i feel like a physicist talking to a first grader. They retain most of the information i give them and some of them listened to my chem growing up. But the ones that did were never like seriously into them. They know the hits or maybe had a bp cd in hs but that's it. Aka they weren't/aren't in the spaces and don't really have the full context and overflowing number of opinions that comes from being here for years and years and years. So.... i don't really know anybody irl who was and still is in the fandom. I had friends in “high school” that were into them at the same level i was at that point, but a lot of us have drifted apart or they've drifted away from mcr (i use quotation marks cuz i'm referring to the age range not actually going to high school ((since i didn't do that;) )). I think the third or fourth to last time i saw the person I talked about MCR the most with in hs was at a celebration show that absolutely rocked my world, but that was like 2014 or something idk. I still have that one on instagram:0 they're a dj now! it's so wonderful to see them finding success at something they were wanting to do back then. But like we don't really talk(meaning we don't talk). I want people to go off with irl so badly. dykegerard and amanda are the luckiest fucking duckies, also fievel is the cutest little baby!!!:) (ps i miss living with a dog so bad) (pps yes i know dykegerard has a real name but that's their name in my head) i want to marry somebody who cares about mcr as much as i do<3 it's nowhere near the top of what would be important for me to marry someone, but it would be cute.
Oh dear lord, okay, i went off for a second, give me a minute
Ok, my other thought was -> Yeah, i think i would miss having that (mcr besties) but like i only actually talk to a few people on here and if i wanted to i could talk to them somewhere else. But I like doing silly little zines!! And this is my main(only((unless one of my irl friends is doing one. But those zines are never fanzines, they are usually poetry or political, which I love, but it's definitely a different vibe )) source of knowing when those are happening and knowing when their apps are happening. I know a lot of them are promoted on twitter in addition to here. But! I absolutely refuse to go on twitter in any sort of real and sustained way. Yes, i have a twitter. Yes, i go on there occasionally. But no, i will not be replacing tumblr with twitter, doing that would keep all of the things i dislike about tumblr and the way i interact with it and get rid of most of the things i like about tumblr. Also as far as i can tell mcr twitter is absolutely fucking wild, and not in the way i want it to be.
Speaking of zines :) I've been looking through all of the final submissions for the swarm zine and everyone's work is so absolutely amazing, i'm so excited for it to come out. I'm also just generally like pretty proud of the piece I have in there:) Since going back to school for art stuff everything's gotten to feel much more serious, which isn't necessarily bad. I am genuinely very serious and care a lot about the work I make. But also like having a fun low stakes artistic outlet has been absolutely amazing :) Plus since the thing I work on at school is film/video/installation, working in a format that's not even kind of related to that is really wonderful:)) anyway, FFUCKING GET HYPE FOR SWARM TO COME OUT!! (Having all of that capitalized feels really aggressive and I don't like it but I wasn't sure which part to capitalize so I left it all capitalized. I thought about just having “fucking get hype” capitalized but then it seems weird to go from “high energy” to “low energy”:/, maybe just hype capitalized idk whatever.)
Ok i’m going to go see the regrettes at wickerfest see you later bye-bye <33
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A Jolly SineTrismas
It surely was another year. Let's look back at some stuff, and forward to other stuff, in the final Bitty Bits edition of 2022.
First of all, happy holidays to all who celebrate. Yeah it is a bit late on the "more famous holiday" side of things, but there are still others going on, and... in general it's probably never wrong to be festive during all of December. (It's also not wrong to NOT be festive! Just pointing that out!)
Many things happened in this late half of the year, controversial things, stupid things, all things. Here I will talk about some that mattered to me, to some extent.
(Also, RIP bozo...naro! Good riddance!)
This issue is dedicated to @rick-666, friend and avid newsletter enthusiast who encouraged me to try to fix the broken ass email form thingy that should actually send these posts as newsletter things but just isn't working! I'll have it fixed next year, I promise!!!!
My Work - Where To Next?
So I've made and tried to make many things through the years, but as someone who pretty much does anything all the time, I'm finding myself often doing... nothing at the end of it.
In 2020 I basically started work on Ketchup Dreams by making its first characters, Bitty and Lake, with more to follow the coming years... but still nothing too substantial. Pondered with which medium to present these characters in. Comics? Animation? In the end I'd just continue adding some things here and there to the overall project, but it still doesn't seem like enough. I really want to build a good universe for these guys to live in.
So at the moment I feel kinda directionless. But hopefully that will change. I guess I won't know what sticks until I actually do stuff.
From Bitty also came the entire aesthetic, motif, symbol, meaning AND name for, I guess you can call my "indie" studio/group/label thing... which my future creative works will be released under, and who knows maybe even friends' creations. The "ᑎᐱ" thing was kind of accidental, but I liked it enough that I wanted it to mean something for me. Not to sound corny and dumb, but to me "ᑎᐱ" is kinda like another representation of the polarity we have in life, much like black and white, but in this case it would be something like... smooth and sharp. Yeah I'm not gonna try to give too much meaning to it, it's just for fun, mostly. Bitty's ears initially were meant to just be bunny + kitty ears (hence the incredibly original name) for an asymmetrical design, but that basically spiraled into everything else.
All that said I'm still doing stuff every now and then, I even have been experimenting with tweaking Lake's design slightly, you can even see a little bit of that in the header art here. More on that some other time...
You can check the current "roadmap" for Studio SineTri projects on the pinned tweet.
Why not "TriSine" instead? Because that just... sounds too normal. "Tri" is an existing and common prefix. Also the order matters.
The Tesla In The Room
I don't think I need to talk much about the whole thing with Elon Musk buying Twitter and everything that came with it. Mostly I'm just tired of it all. Billionaires, other than beings that shouldn't exist, are Boring and not even in a funny kind of way (except for Bill Gates, his mere existence is comedic to me probably thanks to early internet culture) I wish I just didn't have to hear about 'em. But I guess we can't.
Anyways this entire situation practically got me back into being on Tumblr daily, after I had left it in favor of Twitter in like 2015, and now... the opposite is happening, that's just how sick I am of Twitter. Not just the website itself but the people in it and the energy that usually comes out of there these days. Musk was simply a final nail in the coffin. The problem is... he just keeps adding more nails. Here's hoping Elon doesn't ruin the very last thing that made Twitter "fun" to me - TweetDeck, but chances it'll survive are slim.
I'm also on Mastodon btw. Juuust in case.
AI Art Discourse - What's Happening?!
"A Still of Klonoa in The Simpsons"
Speaking of Twitter, probably one of the least pleasing topics to witness over there lately will be this.
No doubt, "AI art" as a concept pretty much exploded into popularity in 2022, while it already existed in concept years before, this was pretty much the one year that, 5 years ago, we'd look at machine learning attempting art and say "now just think about how that'll be 5 years from now", and well, that time IS now. Kinda.
There's legitimate worry about whether or not the computer would be able to replace artists, but... personally I don't think it will ever BECAUSE... there will still always be a demand for humanity and human-created content no matter how good any sort of AI gets, and well, currently AI still struggles with "drawing" many things. But it's fine, earlier this year people were mostly memeing with AI generators, being impressed, confused, having a laugh, or everything all at once.
Until computers making drawings suddenly were no longer seen as cool but rather, bad!!! evil!!! problematic!!! etc. even though the reason for that all stems from... misconceptions and misinformation (sometimes on purpose, just because... I dunno. Internet rewards people who get angry at things.) about how the technology works to begin with. No, AI doesn't simply collage a bunch of pictures together, that just isn't how it works, even if it knows what a Mona Lisa looks like almost perfectly. It's hard to put it into words, but this thread I believe explains it a bit better in simpler terms (hopefully), even if you still don't understand, it's... best to not be too ignorant about it.
Of course, I DO think AI ethics is an important conversation that should happen, but not if it's... not gonna be a conversation in the first place. If it sounds too extreme, reactionary, or sounds just about as crazy as anything you'd hear coming from Alex Jones or like, your pro-life uncle™, then it probably isn't the way to go.
This made even people who think photography isn't art come out of their closets, if they even were in one.
There are good use cases for AI in art. One of them is allowing disabled individuals to also partake and experiment with visual arts. Yes, technically nothing "stopped" them from "really" doing it, but just look at how much that argument almost slips into ableism territory (and there is a surprising amount of that coming from some anti-AI folks.) Hell, I could've used AI to create a background for the art on my header as I'm mostly... a character illustrator, focused on characters, and just don't really enjoy drawing backgrounds much at all.
Anyways I recommend y'all check out AWAY (Are We Art Yet), a collective of artists and creators alike embracing AI but also fighting for more ethical AI usage (discussion about scraping images from the web, consent for works to be used as training data, etc.), without the reactionarism and sometimes ableism. They're a friendly bunch.
What I’ve Been Playing / Watching
Gravity Falls
Well, does it really?
Hey Kids, Have You Heard Of Gravity Falls? The show's 10th anniversary was this year and, having heard mostly only good things about it since then, AND as someone who had recently been sucked deep into the modern Disney TVA pipeline (DuckTales 2017, Amphibia and Owl House are also great and would also recommend), I made it a goal to watch all of it before the year ends.
At first I thought this, like other very successful shows, would have way too many seasons for me to really get into, so I was surprised when I found out that wasn't the case.
It's definitely a great show, even 10 years later. From what I saw very little of it comes across as dated when it comes to references or jokes, the characters being likable and interesting are about enough to hook you into it I think. Also Matt Chapman is in there a lot and as an avid Homestar Runner fan, you can just Tell not only through his voices, but his humor and vibes entirely in some episodes.
If there's one thing I probably can't get enough of is Disney cartoons made by some of the most... Non-Disney people on Earth.
The Dream I Had On December 25th
Usually I share my dreams on Twitter, but decided it might be neat to feature some of the more interesting ones right here. They are an essential part of one of my creations after all. This year though, for a reason or another, I had less eventful or weird dreams in general. But waking up on Christmas day this is what was on my mind:
For more of my dreams you can check out my dream journal with stuff since at least 2014, here.
I had a dream I can split up in three parts - first I was at an old house of mine but I could hear a new trailer for the Mario movie premiering far outside, a classic game song could be heard in it and things pointed to it being a Daisy reveal.
Second part was a Strong Bad thing, where I possibly interact with him directly and actually cause a change to homestarrunner.com "accidentally". He makes some sort of analog horror parody, and an old main page gets a new "feature" permanently. I felt a sense of realization since "I caused this". I really wish I remembered more cuz it was great
Third part is the one I can recall the most, it was what seemed like a weird Gravity Falls AU type thing, which is slightly mixed up with The Owl House - In what appears to be the first episode, Grunkle Stan is nowhere to be found, with probably Eda taking his place as the twins' "Graunt". The episode begins with Mabel just wandering around the forest, when she comes across several typically good luck signs all at once, things like four leaf clovers and such. Eda knowing better knows it's a trap and tries to protect Mabel, but she is convinced that Eda is a witch (which probably Should be a secret at first in this alternate timeline I guess, Eda Is Not What She Seems™) and EVIL!!! and ignores her, acting hostile towards her, even, so Eda locks her up in a shelter. Perfectly normal. In there she finds… a journal. It doesn't appear to be -the- GF journal but rather a mix of that and Philip's journal from Owl House. At first it looked like the journal could talk by itself but someone just happened to be there in disguise, it was Soos, who happens to know a couple things about the journal but probably not much. For some reason I was "watching" it in Portuguese and they'd give him a completely different name, likely starting with a hard C, but I can't remember now. Some weird magic thing happens too which I don't remember how it's triggered or when exactly in the episode progression it even happens but it would make food and candy "infinitely stretchy", where you could essentially have infinite amounts of something just by stretching them, and it caused children to go insane over it. Eventually Soos and Mabel made it out of the shelter, with the latter no longer feeling suspicious about Eda. That's about what I can recall.
Song of the Issue
I will now feature some cool music (probably just vgm) I like here, just because. Sometimes topical, sometimes not.
But today it might be.
A secret easter egg track, on the older 2008 MIDI version of the Charlie (the Duck) II soundtrack (that probably came into existence together with the 2008 Windows version of the game, as opposed to the original DOS version which much like other Wiering Software games only had sound effects, at most.)
It would only play on Christmas day, and was basically a slight arrangement of the proper theme, but with some classic Christmas tunes thrown into it.
The OGG/streamed version you hear on the Steam release cuts the song a bit shorter.
More Stuff
Audicons Fluent/2.0/Name Pending
Inspired by Microsoft's Fluent Design aesthetics and technicalities, this will be an update to my existing icon pack for audio formats, covering even more obscure formats that only 3 people know about! Just like the old pack, this will be fully compatible with probably any version of foobar2000. Very soon!
Ninjin on Archive.org
Yeah!
juke...box. AI. video.
yeah dude.
(no, seriously, it'll come out when it comes out. that's it.)
Miscellaneous Tumblr Side Things
I dunno, I just felt like... having a couple dedicated side blogs for specific interests, as some people do, cuz I have ideas. One of them will be about brazilian animation in general. Nothing fancy or scheduled, just things that will exist.
Conclusion
The more I write the more self-conscious I get that I might just be shit at writing Anything, but I still appreciate if anyone actually likes reading through!
Stay tuned for the traditional yearly dumb highlights collage pic™ on my main Tumblr (@lu9) and Twitter (if it's not completely broken by then...)
Bitty's Message of the Day
My new year's resolution is to Exist more!
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Fifty Followers
There are MANY writers out there with so so so so many more followers, but I wanted to take a beat and celebrate a first milestone for me...
I pushed this little boat out into the water only a few months ago, no fandom friends to speak of, just a desire to get out here and write and connect with people. Mostly for me - but when I say that I mean not to like become fandom famous or tumblr famous or anything. This year I decided I wanted to get back to doing things I want to again. I wanted to write. I wanted to write fanfic. I wanted to connect with people through fandom again because I did that a long time ago in a different fandom, and some of those people became some of my best friends (still have ties, but loooong distance and the seasons of our lives have all changed).
Truthfully I didn't expect to have fifty followers yet, and it's really cool to just get the little votes of confidence that yeah I'm writing what I want to write but that some of you also think hmm yes let's see what she does next! It means something to me.
So... because I want to really start to have fun and get to know y'all... What if I throw out a ton of questions, and I'll answer up to like 50 of them this week. If you want to ask, drop a note in my askbox with the numbers you want me to answer.
I've got a list with writer-y questions, get-to-know-you questions, media-related questions, and fandom questions, so PICK YOUR POISON!
What was your favorite childhood treat?
Tea or coffee?
EDM or Bollywood?
Fame or money?
Childhood life or adult life?
Move on or Hold on?
Cats or dogs?
What part of your daily schedule is your favorite part of the day?
What is your favorite food?
What is your favorite song that you hear on a loop?
A crime you would like to be caught for.
Which 2 things do you want after the apocalypse?
Your current favorite song?
First trip after COVID.
Where would you go using the anywhere door?
Last search on internet explorer.
A thing you recently purchased impulsively.
A fictional movie you want to experience IRL.
If I were a celebrity, I would be…?
What instrument do I play?
Which is my favorite season?
What are your top 3 most used apps?
What is my spirit animal?
What am I allergic to?
Would you rather have 10M followers on Instagram or find true love? Why?
Do you want to be famous? If yes, then for what?
What’s your most-used emoji?
What would you do if you won the lottery?
What is your favorite holiday?
What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?
Does writing energize or exhaust you?
What is your writing Kryptonite?
Did you ever consider writing under a pseudonym?
What other authors are you reading, and how do they help you become a better writer?
If you could tell your younger writing self anything, what would it be?
What was an early experience where you learned that language had power?
What’s your favorite under-appreciated novel?
How many unpublished and half-finished fics do you have?
What’s the most difficult thing about writing characters from the opposite sex?
How many hours a day do you write?
Have you read anything that made you think differently about fiction?
What was your hardest scene to write?
What one thing would you give up to become a better writer?
What is your favorite childhood book?
If you had to do something differently as a child or teenager to become a better writer as an adult, what would you do?
How long on average does it take you to write a story?
Do you believe in writer’s block?
Name a book that you would cherish for a lifetime.
Name a movie sequel you wish for.
Your Favorite Series worth a binge-watch.
What is your favorite Hollywood movie, and why do you like that movie?
Who is your dream girl or dream guy working in film/tv and why?
Your anytime movie.
Who's your go-to band or artist?
What is a movie adaptation you like?
Which actor or actress do you hate to watch in any movie?
Name a celebrity you truly admire and why.
Suggest a list of movies to watch this weekend.
Do you prefer real-life TV shows or animated TV shows?
A character you would die for.
A character who could corrupt you.
What book or series would you die to see turned into a movie or tv show?
What was the last book you read?
What moment do you wish you could experience again for the first time from any book/movie/tv show?
What is the first book that made you cry?
What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?*
Is there anything in fandom you used to like but can’t stand now?
Most disliked character(s)? Why?
Most disliked arc? Why?
Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?
Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?
Unpopular opinion about your fandom?
Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen…
Does not shipping something ‘popular’ mean you’re in denial and/or biased?
What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?
What is the purest ship in the fandom?
What are your thoughts on crack ships?
Your current OTP.
A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind.
What was the first thing you ever contributed to a fandom?
Have you added anything stupid/cracky/hilarious to your fandom, if so, what?
What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?
What fandom was it?
What was your first fandom?
Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?
Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr.
How do you feel about the other people in your current fandom(s).
Your favorite fanartist/author gives you one request, what do you ask for?
Your favorite fandom (for the people; not the thing you fangirl over).
Choose a song at random, what ship does it remind you of?
Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).
A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships.
What's a headcanon you have?
What are your favorite male/female ships?
Do you have any 3-way ships? If so, what?
5 favorite characters from 5 different fandoms.
3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms.
A fandom you’re in but have no ships from.
What's a ship that you want to ship publicly, but everyone on tumblr hates it so you keep your mouth shut about it?
Character you want to be your PLATONIC ride-or-die.
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For the Happy Fic Writer Ask Game: 1-14 *evil laughter* I wanna know everything
I saw the notif for this last night as I was going to bed and just sighed.
1. What part of the writing process is the most enjoyable?
Coming up with ideas, or when characters seem to have ideas or their own and I just end up along for the ride.
2. Talk about a favorite comment you received.
This comment deadass made me laugh, because I had just been messaging with friends about the exact thing they said.
3. Have you received any bookmark notes? Which is your favorite and why?
Any bookmark notes that aren't ratings genuinely make me so happy. I do check them every so often and I love seeing all of them.
4. Which comment has had the most impact on your writing?
Anytime anyone comments on the representation in my fics. I, as a disabled trans person, very rarely see portrayals of either of those identities (or those identities portrayed well) by anyone outside of those communities and anytime someone comments about it, it makes me want to keep writing.
On the spite side? Any comment that's lowkey shitty fuels me to write out of spite.
5. Have you had a writer you admire comment on your fic? What was that like?
Literally anyone ever tbh. I get excited anytime I recognize usernames.
6. Describe what you do and your feelings after posting a chapter. (For example: When do you usually post a fic/chapter update? How do you celebrate a posting? Are you the type to refresh constantly?, etc.)
Okay so. I usually post either right before I go to bed or before I go into a class (because that's usually when I finish writing and giving it a cursory glance over), and it means it's harder for me to check constantly or refresh. I'm subscribed to myself so I wait until I get the email saying I've posted and then I don't pay attention until I get emails about comments.
7. What do you love most about being a fic writer for your fandom?
Where to start? There's something that I love about the different ways Yohan is interpreted and portrayed between people and I love it so much. The way that people can mostly have civil conversations about the show and the meta is awesome in general. There's always food, so to speak.
8. Talk about any friends/connections you've made as a fic writer.
This Tumblr alone is full of connections. I made it when I got sick of the environment on Twitter after 3-4 years off of Tumblr and literally everyone here is so cool.
9. What inspired you to write your first fic?
I answered this one in a previous post
10. Why do you continue writing fics?
My brain doesn't know when to shut up.
11. Who is your favorite character(s) to write about and why?
So while I tend to write Yohan the most, all of the time, I actually really really love writing about Sunah, Jinjoo, and K more. I don't do it as much because I feel like it's harder to get a good solid grasp on their voices but, man, when I get it, it's so much fun.
12. What is your favorite theme/subject matter/trope/ship to write about? Why?
Mental health, trauma, and healing.
13. Describe your writing style. If you were to participate in an anonymous fic writers guessing game (like The Masked Author), what writing habits do you have that would be a dead giveaway that it's you?
Run on sentences? Spot on dialogue? An unhealthy amount of literature and biblical references? Calling Yohan soft?
14. Share a snippet.
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have you moved past cm? i went to your twitter and you post hannibal a lot but you arent on the cm server like at all anymore. if you have mvoed on then maybe give the server to someone else that is active
Hello Anon! I have a couple things to say to this, 1) I’m currently tipsy cos my friends and I were hanging out and I’m finally allowed alcohol after being sober for the last 3 years. So if I seen all over the place or don’t make sense, that why.
2) I’m still VERY active in the CM fandom, but I realize that it might not look like that outwardly since my activity has been taking place in smaller spaces/private DMs with people.
3) My Twitter rn is currently only for Hannibal, but I have been considering making a second one that’s Criminal Minds only. I just don’t know if I’ll be able to jump back and forth between them all the time without mixing them up, lol!
4) I’m not 100% sure what you mean about me not being active in the server? If you mean today (Sunday, May 22nd—even tho it’s the 23rd now whoops), then I wasn’t on Discord at all cos I was busy with real life things. Summer is on the way, quarantine is “over,” and I’m not locked in my home 24/7 anymore. I’m officially finished with my chemo; the benign tumor that was in my brain has shrunk, so I can finally get a job again (I haven’t worked a “real job” since January 2021), and I can hang out with my friends and family again. (I still wear masks when appropriate, and I’m fully vaccinated, but we’re “allowed” to be normal again, you know?).
But I can promise I’ve been in the server every single day, even if only once or twice to check in and make sure everything’s fine. I have a life outside of Discord and Tumblr, too.
Plus I’ve had a new puppy since the beginning of April, and he takes up the majority of my time while I’m training and caring for him. We’re actually about to get him properly trained to be a therapy dog, since my own therapist (and everyone else who meets him) says he would be perfect for it with his calm and friendly personality!
And, also, Twitter is fun. I’ve made new friends, found a fun new community among the Hannibal fandom, and I greatly enjoy how I can check my Twitter feed for only a couple min between my errands and still feel like I’m apart of the “conversations” there. Meanwhile here on tumblr, I need to set aside a whole hour or so for what I do (and I only use tumblr on desktop, for reasons I’ve explained before, unless I’m just checking my notifs).
I’m sorry that you feel I’ve left the fandom, or I’m inactive, but I also think I’m allowed to “take a break” from fandom things if I need to. While the CM fandom was getting a lot of hate anons, harassers, stalkers, and was dealing with A LOT of drama, the Hannibal fandom welcomed me with open arms and the friends I’ve made helped me feel safe while I was still sick and healing.
I have a whole timetable setup with plans for fun Criminal Minds based things I want to do this summer (including celebrations for milestones, watch parties, etc), but I just need to *get* to that point.
Hyperfixations come and go over time. I can’t really control if my fixation for Criminal Minds ends up fading, but I can promise that for now, it’s still going strong! I’m just ALSO having fun with the Hannibal fandom (think of it as my new shiny toy, I guess, lol! Criminal Minds is my favorite and always will be, but it’s exciting to be apart of something new).
Hope I was able to explain. Have a good day/night! <3
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