#i mean he didnt make me do anything i chose to tell him things

[molluskmirage]

the boogeyman effect following Bbh from purgatory 1 has been a very fascinating phenomenon.

there is alot of residual and lingering opinions of Bad from both characters and fans and its been interesting because having watched Bads pov he really didnt do anything more then what others did in purgatory. Q!Phil is mad because Bad terrorized his team but bad had far less kills then Tubbo, and plenty other teams were around terrorizing others Fit slaughtered Tina and soulfires farmers (most of which then never returned)

Q!Tubbo is mad for ‘day 12’ for a poor decision Bad made, but Bad was carrying the team mostly alone for many many hours the whole 2 weeks (the most out of anyone on the team) I think he could be forgiven for not having the clearest decision making skills running ragged and getting killed.

Q!Bagi feels betrayed by bad and has been more comfortable around tubbo since p1 but tubbo murdered her before she could say a word in p1 and Bad asked for her consent first before doing so.

Q!Etoiles is salty about the 2v1 but he and Fit started it by attacking tubbo alone who then had to run to bad and it was a 2v2 before then becoming a 2v1 as Fit backed away injured

Q!Phil has also mentioned that bad has not taken responsibility for his actions and this is echoed a lot in fan spaces but Bad is constantly taking on blame for things he may have only been adjacent too. He’s said he’s killed a lot of people, he jokes that he’d do it again. He doesnt often show remorse for his actions which I think is more what some are after but he does acknowledge things he doesn’t pretend it never happened. He told Pepito he was a monster. And anytime some express anger towards bad he respects their feelings (that doesn’t mean he’d chose to act differently or feel remorse in such actions but he doesn’t tell anyone theyre not allowed to feel that way)

its a fascinating subject to me because this effect has carried over so strongly within the space despite the fact Bad didn’t even have the highest kills in p1 for soulfire (it was Tubbo by quite a margin) yet Tubbo is often unnamed as the wrongdoer. Bagi set up Bad for death, while it didn’t come to fruition she still did that to Bad. Bad could not do anything but run when red team took on the bounty system which was excruciating to watch. Red also showed no mercy when the boats arrived and killed Bad the sole player for blue leaving his body in a zone that would kill a naked player.

Bad did do wrong he spawn killed Jaiden. However his stalking home bases and killing others in general was no different then all of the other skilled players repertoire. Bad had to play offensively for his team the majority of the time as he was one of the few that could, yet the boogeyman effect holds onto him and warps even his own members perceptions after the fact. Q!Tina as an example very enthusiastic about letting Bad loose in p1 too then scolding him for actions he took under her instruction.

The fan narrative has been the most acutely difficult to manage as the effect is almost to mystic proportions and finding disdain for even mundane actions Bad takes and reading into those as disingenuously as possible always set on more then retribution but truly an end to his character. Which again having watched Bads POV I havent been able to discern anything remarkable that any other character hasnt also partook in.

The difference I have noted is that Bad will always consider himself in the wrong regardless if his actions had justifiable reason behind it. Dapper told Bad to win in purgatory. After purgatory Bad put himself and Dapper down as ‘oh thats just something Dapper would say hes just bloodthirsty, but narratively Dapper has committed self harm in order to protect his siblings and other islanders ((an issue Dapper unfortunately sees in his father and perpetuates himself)) believing he is nothing more then a tool to help those he loves, he would not risk his siblings lives for bloodthirsty humor. Bad knows this but when faced with the hate others saw in him he waves off both his and his sons merit buckling down. Bad and Dapper have dark humor but are always making gifts and finding ways to help others. There is nothing on the island Bad is more set to protect then the eggs and this thought with Dappers message, Q!Bad really thought he needed to go all out to protect them, even still he held back a lot and would 2nd guess because he wanted to be absolutely certain of the egg’s safety.

He wasnt without reason yet with the boogeyman effect looming over his reasons never seem to be able to hold a candle to the more popular characters, and he often concedes a lot to it. He says it with a laugh, tease, and is sassy with it but still he concedes to others perceptions of him as he doesnt want to override others feelings. It can be a bit exhausting as things are blown out of proportion to what they were in originality but on a social breakdown of how things and information travels its very very interesting and I have been enjoying the dive even if it stings sometimes with reflective thoughts.

#Qsmp bbh Purgatory after thoughts discourse

[popopretty]

BSD Chapter 105.5

"In the Narrow Room - the Later Part"

I love this chapter so much I have no words T_T Dazai is so precious I would trade the world for him!!

Please note that I typed it out very quickly while being hyped with neither English nor Japanese as my native language, so I might make mistakes here and there. Please forgive me I can't think really straight right now ;v;

SPOILERS AHEAD

Sigma tells Dazai that he cannot believe that Dazai is a normal person because he just single-handedly took down Fyodor, and asks Dazai why he chose him in the beginning instead of all the other usable tools (;v;). Dazai tells him there are 2 reasons, first is Sigma can act as Kunikida's replacement, because it would be very boring if there is no one there to be in awe and admire what Dazai did there. Sigma gets mad at Dazai and assumes that Dazai thinks he is not worthy enough to share the truth. Dazai corrects him saying that is not true, and that Dazai doesn't share anything with him because it's hard for him to understand, especially after he has been used by Tenningosui and others this whole time.

Dazai then decides to share one thing with Sigma and asks him if his ability to switch information works on dead people. Sigma confirms he can, as long as they have not been dead for a very long time. Dazai explains that he wants Sigma to use that ability on Fyodor (who is assumed dead at that point) to read his plan after that and save the ADA at the airport. Sigma is surprised Dazai did everything that he did only to save the ADA, and the words from people who used him in the past starts echoing in his head.

Dazai and Sigma get on an elevator to get to the room where Fyodor is supposed to be drown. While they are waiting, Sigma asks Dazai what is the second reason for Dazai to choose him, to which Dazai nonchalantly answers that if he didnt choose Sigma, Sigma would be silenced by Fyodor or Gogol later. Sigma is shocked, trying to confirm Dazai's intention to save him but Dazai doesn't say no more. Sigma starts to wonder what kind of place is the ADA. He thought Dazai was the same as those guys who used him, but he feels something different now. He thinks about how he wants a home, where he is not used by anyone, and he realizes that, the ADA is not using Dazai, and Dazai is not using the ADA either.

Dazai notices something is strange because the elevator is taking too long. Suddenly the evelator stop and they hear the voice of the time freezing skill user on the radio, begging for her life. Fyodor is seen alive with Chuuya, shooting her dead. Fyodor then tells Dazai over the radio that he is surprised, not by the flooding, but by the fact that Dazai and his 7-year partner's bond was so shallow that Dazai think Chuuya's ability cannot deal with that flood. He reveals that he has had Chuuya break and distort the track/rail of each partition wall when they entered. That way, it will prevent the doors to close properly, letting the water leak outside and allowing them to easily escape. He then says that if one cannot even think of that, they do not have enough qualification to use the gravity manipulation.

Sigma does not get why Fyodor could do that, Dazai then explains to him that Fyodor must have put one of his vampire among the guards, and when he couldn't contact with that vampire anymore, he was able to guess that the control room has been taken. It also means that Fyodor has already been in control of Mersault way before Dazai took his action.

Fyodor admits he was caught by surprirse with the attack though, and even though it is seemingly a suitable trial for a servant of God like him, he is weak and cannot stand it if he catches a cold, so he wants to return the favor by making Dazai and Sigma go through the same trial. After he says so, the elevator starts to be filled with water. The two of them try to get out as the door being locked and Fyodor praying for them to be held in the hands of God.

The chapter ends here. Next issue will be released on March 3 (Japan time). Thanks for reading till the end <3

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #summary #chapter 105.5 #dazai osamu #sigma #fyodor dostoevsky #spoilers #bsd spoilers

[arson-09]

Acowar Review✨✨ sjm needs to pay for my therapy✨✨

Its not as infuriating as acomaf but its still… bad.

Point 1: the court of ignorance and dumbassery

Lets cut to the chase. why the FUCK didnt feyre read Tamlin and Luciens minds at ANYPOINT while she was doin her hot girl shit of taking the spring court down??? huh sjm??? why is your fmc only powerful when convenient. So much could have been cut down. Acowar was way too long.

The whole destroying of the spring court didnt even make that much sense. Im all for a girlie getting back at the people who wronged her but feyre ended up hurting a lot of innocent people in the process. Feyre even tries to ignore the consequences of her actions. She had to invade peoples minds and manipulate people to get them to turn against tamlin and all this could have been avoided if she read his damn mind and learned he was a double agent. Lucien even hinted towards it

Part One: Princess of Carrion »

Chapter Six

None. It was either go to war with the Night Court and Hybern, or ally with Hybern, let them try to stir up trouble, and then use that alliance to our own advantage further down the road." "What do you mean," I breathed. But Lucien realized what he'd said, and hedged, "We have enemies in every court. Having Hybern's alliance will make them think twice." Liar. Trained, clever liar.

If feyre is supposed to be so smart, and she did pick up on this, why didnt she do anything? This is so frustrating.

Then once she leaves the spring court i found myself frankly not caring. Acomaf hadnt given me enough to care about the inner circle so i didnt and sjm cant make me like rhysand. which i have so many gripes but for word counts sake let me name my main ones

Point 2: Sarah Janet Maas and her shitty love interests

the ignoring rhysand sexual assault of feyre and EXCUSING it and his little habit of not telling his court things

Part Two: Cursebreaker »

Chapter Twelve

Was it going on before you even left?" I whipped my head to him, even if I could barely make out his features in the dark. "I never touched Rhysand like that until months later." "You kissed Under the Mountain." "I had as little choice in that as I did in the dancing." "And yet this is the male you now love." He didn't know-he had no inkling of the personal history, the secrets, that had opened my heart to the High Lord of the Night Court. They were not my stories to tell

here we have sjm acknowledging that yeah, rhysand Sexually Assaulted Feyre UtM in Acotar. Without her consent he dressed her inappropriately (which she was uncomfortable with) had her dance provocatively in his lap, kissed her, and made her drink alcohol so she wouldn't remember the details all without her consent. Yet Sjm is going “its fine” now and feyre herself going “you just dont get it…” ⁉️⁉️⁉️

Now see if sjm actually planned for rhysand to become the love interest why didnt she just avoid all this by having Amarantha make rhysand do this to feyre? Because that would have solved some issues but no. Because Rhysand did all this of his own free will in acotar. He actively chose to do this to feyre. To humiliate her and anger Tamlin because rhysand is obsessed with Tamlin.

Rhysand also loves to not tell his own court things. I was and still am very angry over him not telling Mor, Azriel, Cassien and at the very least his Wife about his plan with the court of nightmares. Just why.

Mors anger towards Nesta also makes no sense. sjm stop writing girl on girl hate challenge impossible

Point three: That one toy story scene “I dont wanna play with you anymore!”

Now tamlin. Tamlin tamlin tamlin im so sorry love for what sjm has done to you. If i start ill never stop. What Tamlin said to feyre and rhysand at the high lords meeting was out of pocket but he also wasnt wrong about some things. Also from established character these actions make no sense and his actions havent made sense since acomaf because sjm threw him and his character away to play with shadow daddy and bad morals. But she also cant commit to making a character of hers actually evil so tamlin saves the whole day by bringing the autumn court to fight and saving rhysand life. Tamlin has redeemed himself by sjm standards but she then wrote the holiday novel which i have read and detested.

Overall the plot was fine. i guess. it probably looked better when compared to the characters.

Sjm learn to redeem characters outside of “ooh they were abused and have trauma so everything they do is okay” for guys and “she fell in love/had sex with the most PERFECT MALE TO EVER MASCULINE.” its boring and flat. Also i know what happens in Acosf (i will not be reading that ty) so wtf happened to Nesta bro. she got the tamlin treatment. boooo 👎

to end off heres some of my favorite highlights from acowar 50%+ thru the book.

#a court of wings and ruin #anti acowar #anti sjm #sjm critical #anti rhysand #anti feysand #tamlin #pro tamlin #This book was bullshit

[nikethestatue]

When you said: "But somehow, the fact that Azriel and Elain actually shared their powers with each other, when she ‘stepped out of the shadow’ and killed the King, with Azriel’s mysterious magical dagger, which ‘always strikes true’ and which he’d never allowed anyone to even touch, let alone use, is just a coincidence then?

Her power was exactly the same--maybe even more--as his, during the War. They were both on the battlefield, he was likely protecting her with his shadows, but she moved stealthily and delivered the deathly blow to the King." Elain and Az didn't share powers. No one said anything, no one mentioned Elain having Az's powers and he didn't either. Not even in his own pov. Yeah, Elain stepped out of a shadow but Azriel wasn't even present and we already know his shadows vanish around her so I really doubt they were protecting her. Elain is a seer, she has nothing to do with shadowsinger's powers and she hates darkness. This isn't canon, you're making all of this up. Also, Cassian offered Elain a weapon too and she denied it, but Azriel insisted and that's why she took it, because he made her, but then she gave it to him WITHOUT LOOKING BACK. It's written in the book, that is canon. I also hate how you try to make everything related to Elain about Az, let her have a personality for once. Geez.

Anon, I had a long ass day at work, but I will address this, though I don't really feel like arguing.

Firstly, they both share predictive powers--that's at the most basic level. She is a seer, who sees the future, and other visions, he has his shadows which have predictive abilities. THat's why he is so valuable, because his shadows know what will happen and give him a few moments' glance into the future. (That's per Rhys, who explained what a shadowsinger is to Feyre in ACOMAF)

That's A. You never found it curious that it was Azriel who understood what her affliction was? He was the one who proclaimed her to be a Seer. Interesting how he, of all people, and not her mate, not a High Lord, and not a 15,000 year old Angel of Death could tell what was up with her, but Azriel could.

Therefore, on the most basic level, their powers are at least complimentary.

There is also something to be said about that commonality, because we dont know the extent of their powers at all. We dont know why and how he is capable of things no one else is capable of, and we know that being a Seer is not her only power. As in: Cassian telling Nesta that Azriel can do a lot of things and that he is 'different', and Elain needing to dust off her powerS (plural) if she was going to go look for the Trove objects.

Which brings me to the TT exchange.

a. He could've given her any dagger or any weapon to protect herself, if that was the only reason he was giving her a weapon

b. She didnt take Cassian's and was in fact very uncomfortable with it. Yet with Azriel, she didn't protest--just said that she didn't know how to use it.

c. Then, this girl, who doesn't know how to use a dagger, and who didn't even want to touch someone else's, goes and murders a King with it. Curious, isn't? (I guess not to you, though)

d. Azriel CHOSE to give the dagger to Elain. And as I said before, the dagger which no one's ever touched before, worked in Elain's slim fingers and produced a fatal blow to the King.

e. At the very very least, it means that Azriel and Elain could both wield a Made object. Which again, unites them in their powers. Cassian, for example, cannot wield Ataraxia.

f. What is repeated again and again in the books? 'like calls to like'. Something in Elain called to Azriel and told him to give her the dagger. And that was the knowledge that the dagger would obey her and work with/for her.

g. Azriel, when he gave her the dagger, specifically told her that he won't be using it that day, and that he wanted her to have it. Why was he so convinced that he wouldn't use it? It was a huge, decisive battle which even though he was recovering after his wounds, he knew he'd participate in. So, how did he KNOW that he wouldn't be using the dagger? But that SHE would? Circling back to that predictive power that they both seem to share. He somehow knew that he could weaken himself and give up the dagger to her, because in her hands, it would 'strike true'. (Again, why do you think it was included in the text?)

h. That's what power sharing is--it's complimentary. it's not always the exact same powers. It's how they could be exchanged and worked together. For example, Aelin had fire, and Rowan had wind. Yet they worked together, when they needed to, even though their powers are fundamentally different.

i. Elain giving back the dagger is perfectly normal--it was given to her ONLY for that day. He said it himself 'i won't be using it TODAY'. He didn't say 'i don't want it anymore, so you can have it'. That's exactly what happened. She used the dagger and then she gave it back.

j. Nowhere does it say that she hates darkness (that's you making things up, not me). She likes sunshine, but it doesn't mean she hates darkness. Her home is the NIGHT Court.

k. Shadows vanish when she is with Azriel. Because the shadows don't need to protect him from her. His comfort level and security with her is so high, that the shadows aren't needed. However, it doesn't mean that he wouldn't have the shadows protect her when he is not with her. The shadows protected them all in Hybern, during the rescue, for example.

l. Finally, in his pov, Azriel wasn't thinking about their powers. He was thinking about sex. No one WOULD say anything about them sharing powers, if they don't know that they did. Elain obviously downplayed the whole King incident, and Nesta happily accepted the accolades. There is a mystery surrounding the entire episode--how she snuck up on the king, why did she step out of the shadows, how she even managed to thrust a dagger into his throat. The only 2 people who know are Elain and Azriel.

m. lastly, if you dont think that the TT scene is important, Sarah Janet Maas would disagree with you. She included it in the colouring book, as the definitive Azriel and Elain moment.

n. There are 2 extremely important Azriel and Elain moments in the series--the rescue from Hybern, which is repeated in every book, sometimes multiple times. And the exchange between them, when he gave her TT.

I am running out of letters in the alphabet, but I think i've made my point pretty clear.

PS I don't make shit up. If I argue anything, it's always supported in canon. Unlike headcanons and fantasies of some others here.

#azriel and elain #elriel #pro elriel

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

The Weekend: Deal's A Deal

Summary- 3.6k Ransom Drysdale x Kitten. Time for You to spend that weekend with Ransom. It's just a weekend, nothing can really come from spending any real amount of time together, it's all just mutual fun.

Warnings- Oral, mentions of semi-public sex, Ransom talking some filth, got some softness sprinkled in there, two idiots just not admitting anything to one another. This is an 18+ Only Blog.

A/N- well we finally got to this point. Did I ever think I would get here? Not really. Special shout out to @drabblewithfrannybarnes who specifically mentioned wanting to see a sweet bathtub scene.

Masterlist

You entered Ransom’s building with a click of your heels against the marble floor and your overnight bag wheeling behind you. This place was starting to feel familiar, the residents passing you in the lobby no longer glanced at you with suspicion, the daytime doorman gave a tilt of his head while holding the elevator door open for you, already knowing that you would be going up. 

“Morning Miss Y/L/N.” 

“Morning Dwight.” You greeted him warmly while stepping into the elevator to press a button taking you to your destination. The door slipped shut and the floor numbers lit up as the elevator creaked its way up to where Ransom lived. No Ransom didn’t live in the penthouse, but his apartment was certainly one of the nicer ones in the building near the top floor. Even though he was taking more responsibility in life didnt mean he didnt still enjoy the life of luxury. The view of Boston harbor alone was a sight you had also learned to appreciate. 

You stepped off the elevator once you reached his floor. A bit apprehensive as you made your way to his door, this wasnt a fuck and go deal, this was something edging on real that took commitment. To say it didn’t scare you a little would have been a lie and didnt’ you already do enough of those? 

Ransom and you had a history, a long history. Would this weekend remind you both of that and why it just didn’t work for you before. The last time, before you moved to Conneticut and ended up with Neil, it had cost you a career. But now you were wiser, you were prepared for Ransom Drysdale and his chaos. 

You think. 

The door is already open when you reach it, giving a knock, you step inside and close it behind you. “Ransom?” 

“In here Kitten.” You heard him from somewhere in the apartment. Shrugging off your jacket and hanging it up, you slip off your heels till your wandering barefoot through the beautiful space. That skyline window view, never failed to make you pause a moment, watching the boats creeping through the harbour before going out to sea for a day of tourist attractions and fishing. 

You feel a pair of hands slide around you, a broad back press against your chest as Ransom joins you, overlooking your shoulder as he too watched the scene before you. “This is why I chose this one. More money for this view, but as soon as I saw it, I knew. I always hoped you would get to see it too.” 

You leaned into him, his warmth enveloped you in a very calming manner, he was familiar, he felt familiar at your back, hands resting around you like they are always there. There was an unspoken intimacy in the way you two were able to hold each other so casually that you opted not to inspect further. “Now I have seen it several times, but never fails to make me pause. This place is amazing.” 

“It is, I wouldn’t have found it without Harlan’s help.” Ransom admitted while brushing the soft shorter hairs from the back of your neck and brushed his lips against the supple column of your neck. You let your eyes slide closed to enjoy the sensation. Ransom was good at so many things, and making you feel special was one of them, one you craved because with Neil, he always just fell short of making you feel like you mattered more then his always demanding career. It shouldnt be this easy to get lost in Ransom, but it was. It always was. “How about a glass of wine and you can tell me about your week, Kitten?” He offered, snapping you back to the present. 

“And here I thought I was just gonna be your sex toy all weekend.” You teased while stepping away from him and heading to the kitchen. Ransom tugged you back to him, landing you chest to chest in his arms, looking up at him. 

“Who says that isnt what I got planned Kitten? Get you liquored up and loose before I ruin you in my bed, the tub, the kitchen counter. I think you be real pretty bent over that granite counter with your ass up in the air all for me, begging? Hmm?” 

How could he do that, be nice and gentleman then go to making you filthy promises that made you ache for just that. You worked on simmering that desire for now, it was a weekend, a whole two days and if you broke so soon, you were never gonna last till the end. “You already promised me wine Ransom.” 

“So I did.” A perfect smirk graced his hungry features, dropping a dominating kiss before twisting you back to head to the kitchen. In the past year you have been over to Ransom’s apartment, you hadn’t had a chance to see much outside of the bedroom, so you admired the open space. Although not huge, it was big enough for you to tuck onto a barstool out of the way while he grabbed wine glasses and pulled out your favorite bottle from the mini wine fridge. “So Ellie’s, how was it?” 

“Good.” You took the offered glass to sip from. “It has been so long since we have gotten to just be together, you know? I’m always working or she is flying out somewhere herself for work. Plus its not like I’m just on the other side of town. She ended up getting Johnny’s phone number that night.” You smirked while Ransom leaned on the opposite side of the counter. He gave a chuckle. 

“I’m not surprised, Ellie had her hooks in him well before I even got there.” 

“You jealous she didn’t take you up on that offer for a three way?” 

Ransom shrugged, grinning as he enjoyed more of the wine. “Her loss, I offered.” You thought he was joking, but of course this is Ransom Drysdale and he has managed to surprise you before. “She is going to eat him alive.” 

You snorted, hopping off the bar stool while swirling your glass. “Boy wont even know what hit him.” You wandered from the kitchen, looking around at the rest of the apartment in the light of day. Ransom, kept it modern and classy looking. This clean, you assumed he must have a maid coming in. But it was also set up for comfort as well. “You entertain here often Ransom?” A loaded question, you saw him hesitate a moment, trying to figure out what you were looking for with that question. 

“Have I brought anyone here since we have been fucking? No, I havent. Blood Like Wine and fucking Walt keep me busy as it is. Have I hosted some-” He gave a wave of his hand dismisvely. “Parties? Yes I have. But not like I used to.” Ransom set his glass down, now emptied. “I found I prefer not to have a bunch of shitty fucking people in my home.” 

He had changed, it kind of unsettled you to hear him talking so responsibility. Not like the Ransom from before who was knowin to have a slew of fuck boys following him around and girls doing there best to get him to notice. He noticed them enough to keep them hanging on but never gave enough to let them know him. Not like you. 

“Smart move, those people will suck you dry given the chance.” You downed your wine and set it next to his. “So… You have me for the weekend Drysdale to do as you please as long as you have the manuscript for me?” 

“I do.” He stepped in closer, into your space and a large hand cupped your cheek, seeming to soak in what intimate contact he could have with you. You once more sunk into it, letting it make your heart clench with a need unfiulfilled before. Almost like your body was starved for this intimacy. “You are so eager Kitten, so willing to be mine this weekend.” 

“That was the deal.” 

“Mmhh.” He hummed while his hand found the zip in the dress you were wearing, dragging it down. “It was the deal, I think that the rules are no more of these dresses. Hides to much.” 

You wriggled in his hold, letting the now loose dress slip to the floor, pooling at your feet into discarded fabric for you to step out of. Lace panties and bra now the only thing covering you and you could see the black set was a wise choice as his pupils flared with desire once more while looking you up and down. “This better?” 

“Cute Kitten, but still far to much.” He towered in closer, making you step back till your back hit cool glass from tall windows. You arched to your toes to nip at his lips, wrapping your arms around his neck and burying your fingers in the strands of his hair at the back of his head. 

“Don’t rip them, I like this set.” 

“I will fucking buy you a new set. One in each color.” He reached behind and although easily could have twisted the clasp to open, he was efficient but he bent the hooks with a yank and the thin lace tore from the exertion. You gasped at the action, what remained of your bra falling away and he started kissing you, working his mouth against yours to claim your mouth for himself, your kisses belonging to him for now and he feasted. A man who had been deprived for long enough. You grasped his shirt to hold on, the cold pinky ring pressing against your left breast while he grasped you, circling the nipple precisely how you liked before giving a stinging pull, knowing that you craved that bit of pain. 

“I will be sure to send you the site I got it from.” You arched into his mouth, tugging at his hair for more, more, more. His teeth were sharp nips to be soothed with the broad stroke of his tongue. Ransom didnt stop there, he swept his hands along your ribs and kissed down the curve of your belly till the man was on your knees before you.  

“Or just take the card from my waller. Order yourself whatever you want, fuck if I care, as long as I get to see you in it.” He dragged his nose against the panty clothed center of you. ”Kitten, your pussy already wet?” Inhaling you deeply, his hands grasping at the back of your thighs to spread them wider. “You know anyone was to be peeping from one of these other buildings they are gonna see you getting fucked on my face.” 

That sent a shiver of humiliation and desire through you, excitement at the prospect of getting caught. Ransom smirked up at you, biting at the band of your panties and tugging them down till your pussy came into view and he could nudge his nose through your curls, tongue tracing the seam before spreading you open. 

Watching this man put his mouth on you, you excitedly finished stepping from the last remaining clothing on you to be bare naked in his livingroom, in the middle of the day, your backside pressed firmly against the glass as he spread your thighs wider with demanding kisses to the inside of your thighs that left slight teeth imprints in the softest parts of you. 

“Been wet for you, wanting you this whole week, ready for this.” Your hands brushed through his dark hair, messing the typically styled waves till they were as wild as is expression looked, inhaling deeply against you once more before his tongue stroked through your folds, finding that nerve that made your legs shake and you gripped his head to hold yourself up. The way he worked your clit, hard sucks and tender strokes of his tongue made you arch for him, offering yourself to Ransom to take as much as he wanted. 

He wanted it all. Harsh hands dug into the back of your thighs, lifting one to drape over his shoulder and hold you poised for him, his tongue relentless as his fingers fucked into your aching center, curling to stroke clenching walls in a come hiter motion. “More Ransom.” 

His voice was muffled, more occupied at savoring you instead of answering. 

“You turning into a absolute slut for me. Out in the open like this…” Another swipe of his tongue through your squelching pussy, your hand slapped back into the glass window in a desperate move as your belly clenched and heat raced in a sharp tingle through your nerves. 

“Ran I gotta-” 

“Let everyone see you cum. Come on Kitten.” He fingerd you harder, demanding you to break. You didn’t want to crash, it was a ominous promise that it was gonna feel so good and that he wasn’t close to finishing with you. You already knew his cock had to be straining in those expensive slacks how was still wearing, of course he had you completely naked while he still wore all his clothes, having you on display in his glass wall of windows overlooking the city. A glance down showed your slick shiny on his chin and mouth, his lips turned into a knowing smirk. He had you, fuck he had you right where he wanted you. “Anything I want, thats the deal this weekend. Right now I want you to cum for me.” 

You gave in, there was no use fighting it and you pressed and slid against the glass till his hands caught your hips to keep you upright. This time his mouth was driving you crazy, too much and you pushed at his forehead with a gasp. “No more Ransom.” 

“Aww Kitten, we are just getting started.” He worked his way up, hands holding you still while his mouth filthy from you streaked up your body and to your mouth, filling you with the taste of you. 

Tongue filling and stalling your moans from escaping, you felt ripped from him, twisted to the bright light of the Boston Harbor and your breasts pressed against the cool glass. You could see the flutter of his shirt out of your peripheral vision when you tilted your head to press your heated cheek against the window. 

Anyone can see you be an absolute slut for this man and that just made you press your ass out, giving him all the room he needed to palm your ass and hiss in your ear while your palms streaked at the pristine glass. 

No longer pristine, you had made a mess and it was streaked in a tell tale story in smudges. “I want the world to see how my Kitten is a cock drunk whore just asking to be filled.” His hand circled the back of your neck while he worked his pants open. 

Yes, yes you wanted to be fucked and full of Ransom. How was this all you ever wanted? Your felt your eyes glaze as you submitted to the sensation of going stupid while his cock stretched you. It felt so good, so right like this. You moaned, freely without restraint. “Yes Ransom.” 

“Whats that Kitten?” His tone was taunting, urging you to beg while you pushed your ass out further, curving your back. 

“Fuck me, fuck me please!”  

It was all like some fantasy you used to imagine, Ransom caging you in, his hands laying claim to your body, his mouth hissing against your ear with filth all in front of the beautiful boston skyline. It wasn't till you came several times did you feel him snap his hips into you and fill you with his spend, calling you his good Kitten. Thats when you faded into his hold, letting yourself black out satisfied. 

“Kitten? Fuck, come on Baby, I know it was good but pass out good?” You felt hands cupping your face and you stirred with a whine, your body burning from being pressed and rubbed against the glass, between your thighs was a warm ache that left traces of him smeared into your skin and a worried set of blue eyes peering into yours. 

“I’m fine.” You run your hand against his smooth bare chest, feeling him sigh in aggravation and relief while glaring at you. “Just needed a breather.” 

“Fuck woman, why didnt you tell me to stop instead of begging for more. Thought I might have knocked you hard against the window or something.” He scolded while he let his hands fall from your face, tracing your sides soothingly as you laid up on the couch. You hid a smile in the couch cushion, knowing that pointing out how worried he seemed to be would just agitate him. You shifted to sit up and hissed as you were pretty tender all over. “Come on Kitten, lets go get you taken cared of.” He raised to a stand, naked as could be so you must not have been out for to long if he didnt even bother getting at least pants back on. 

“You do know I’m fine Ransom?” You said as he scooped you up, making you sling an arm around his neck as he carried you from his livingroom and towards the bedrooms and bathroom. Your feet danglad over his arm, and it all felt very tender, this bridal style way of hauling you around. 

“Part of my demands then, okay Kitten? Let me do this.” He turned into his bathroom. Now Ransom had a luxury bathroom. Another thing he refused to skimp on, which you weren't surptised. This man liked to come off as in the ‘He didnt fucking care” about anything, but he spent a considerable amount of time taking care of himself. And it showed. “You can stand?” 

“Yes Ransom, you didn’t exactly break my legs.” You rolled your eyes at his worrying, wiggling your feet in an urgency for him to ease you to a stand. Once he was positive you were steady and gave you a pinch on your ass for being sassy, he set about filling a tub with hot steamy water, sure to go into his closet for what looked like epsom salt to dump in and swirl around till it melted in the water. He disappeared again and you followed him into the large closet, browsing through all his supplies while he tucked the jar of epsom away. “Are these… flower petals?” You opened another jar and reached your hand in to pull out a handful and sure enough a nice flowery aroma filled the space as you brought them to your nose. “Oh these are so going in.” 

“Whatever you want Kitten.” He grabbed fluffy towel and clothes to bring out. You grasped at the jar and carried it out with you. Scattering a handful of petals in the water, you tested it before easing your feet into it. 

“Ooh, this is nice.” You waited at the edge for Ransom to climb into the oversized tub and then followed in once he settled back, his legs spread to provide you a seat. “That salt feels really good.” You sank down a bit more, your head cushioned on Ransoms shoulder and your arms lifted on the edge of the tub. You felt him shift behind you, his arms circling you loosely so his hands could rub lightly at your hip. 

“Were the rose petals worth it?” 

You lifted your toes from the water, the petals clinging to your foot before lowering it back down so they floated along the surface once more. “Hell yes, I will require the rest of my baths this weekend to be like this.” 

“Well you can go through that closet, there is more shit in there.” He muttered as he kissed at the hinge of your jawline. 

You wriggled back into him, making him grunt as the way your ass pressed into his cock. “Are they the bath bombs with goodies in them?” You looked over your shoulder at him. Ransom shrugged, unsure of if they were. 

“There are those bath bombs, I don’t have any idea if anything is in them, I haven’t used them. They are in the closet, do you want one now?” 

“Yes! Lets test one out.” You made to get up but large hands pressed you back to sit while he pushed himself up instead, sputtering about getting water all over his floor. He came back seconds later with a basket and while getting back in behind you, you were sorting through them till you found a soft fresh scented one to dunk in. 

You leaned back into him while letting the ball drop into the hot water to let it fizz up, Ransom hugging around you while watching over your shoulder if you were indeed gonna get something from the good smelling bath bomb. It wasnt long till indeed a little ball bobbled up and Ransom was quick to grab it before you could. “Well I will be damned, didn’t know these were like the most expensive gum ball machines to exist.” He popped open the top and pulled out a stunning looking emerald cut in a heart shape with small studs circling around it. “Hold your hand out so I can put it on.” 

You did just as he asked and when he slipped it on your middle finger, you held your hand up to the dimming ray of sunshine streaming in, making it sparkle. “I love it.” 

“It suits you Kitten.”

#ransom and kitten #ransom drysdale and kitten #ransom drysdale x you #ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale #ransom drysdale smut #ransom drysdale au #knives out au #chris evans characters #chris evans character fan fiction #ransom drysdale fan fiction #amber writes #sweater writes #smut writing #we are finally at the weekend everyone #whoo hooooo

[judehatesmaths]

Hawks line to Skippy in the hospital about not being sure of anything anymore I think was a pretty good indication about how this will end. That coupled with the confrontation Lucy will have with her daughter in the next episode, and telling her to ask her father, he's clearly going to have to tell his daughter something. He can't go back to the status quo. His old life is not an option anymore. I really kind of love how they have set all this in motion. He's exhausted by his life. It's been strange to me to see all the people who say he looks older than 64 (ignoring the fact that Matt is one of the most beautiful people ever) it surprises me that lots of people seem to have missed that's why he looks older. He lives an entire life in contrast to his true self. He's exhausted by the facade. The wear and tear on his face and in his features is the entire point. He chose a life that suffocated his true self. And it was one thing when he knew Tim was still out there somewhere and there was always the maybe of it all. That disappears with Tim's death. The only part of him that he kept authentic was his love for Tim. What does his life look like in a world with no Tim?

I'm not going to get into the does he or doesn't he love Lucy thing. I believe he loves her in a very particular way, but I would argue his feelings for her always had more to do with his love and admiration of her father, and a sense of obligation to him, than they ever did with her. I do believe he loves his children. But he is a man that is now realizing and coming to terms with the fact that he missed his entire life. What could have been, which he sees very clearly in Marcus and Frankie, if he had been brave enough to fight for it. It's why I genuinely am stunned by the reaction of some people to his character. He is the living embodiment of self hate and that's heartbreaking. The realization that the life he longed for could have been his if he had just tried. The show has done an amazing job of setting up the last episode. Your other anon is correct. They deserve that conversation. Both of them.

Oh anon you're so right!!!

Thats why i dont get people who hate Hawk either!! This man has suffered in silence literally all of his life, has had to hide who he was from literally everyone he cared for. His father hated him for being who he was, his adoptive father figure (senator smith obvs) also hated the concept of what Hawk was (but he didnt know Hawk was it). Like that scene where s. Smith is talking horribly about Leonard and the fact hes gay and Hawk just has to listen and cant say anything bc itd mean his downfall too?? Like that man was everything for Hawk and to have him speak so bad of, without knowing, what he really was mustve been so so so painful.

It would be wonderful for both to just... let themselves love and be loved freely.

I just wanna give Hawk a hug, hes my poor little meow meow (who makes terrible decisions)

#fellow travelers #tim laughlin #hawk fuller #hawk x tim #hawkins fuller #fellow travelers spoilers

[chaoscriess]

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒! death, a ton of angst. reader mourns stu's death, writes him a letter to help the grieving process, cussing.

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒! on mobile, format might be weird. lowercase intended, unedited, double periods intended. I love writing angst and this was a great fic idea

stu x gn!reader

When you first found out about stu's death, you didnt believe it. you couldn't believe it. it just wasnt possible.

until the next day at school, when you didnt see stu, billy, or tatum, and sidney and randy both refused to talk to you.

they thought you were a monster because you were dating stu

even though you didnt even know stu was behind the mask

it hurt, it really fucking hurt.

you had nobody to talk to, and the entire town was against you.

weren't they supposed to be helping you? comforting you about the death of your boyfriend even if he was a killer? I mean, you didnt even know about it.

shouldn't they have been consoling you? even if they were lying through their teeth, shouldnt they have been telling you how sorry they were that your boyfriend turned out to be a murderer?

you had always hated woodsboro and the people in it, but now it was worse.

now you wanted to strike a match and set the whole fucking town ablaze.

they didnt even know it was billy's fault. you knew him well, he would have never even done that shit if it weren't for that cocksucking bitch billy.

you were angry, so fucking angry.

you got a therapist after a couple weeks of crying every day and not doing anything unless your mother dragged you out of bed.

your therapist told you that the best way to deal with your situation, that being having your boyfriend, the love of your life, ripped from your grasp way, way, way too soon, was to write him a letter

you were confused, how could you write him a letter if he was dead?

you had already recieved his ashes, you and his parents being the only people that showed up to his funeral

even though they were late, you still found it nice that they showed up.

back to the letter thing, your therapist told you to write a letter to him, assuming that he could read it in the afterlife, and then keep it or dump it in the sea with his ashes.

you chose to keep the letter. you chose to also keep his ashes, his parents didnt want them.

but the letter went something like this,

shit, I dont even know if this is going to work.. whatever, let's hope it does.

stu macher, the love of my life. i dont even know where to begin... from the moment I first met you, I knew you would be mine someday. ever since we met on that playset when we were seven, i knew that i would fall in love with you. and when I first realized that I had fallen in love with you, it was because of a feeling I got, not a thought about how cute you were, or how nice your shirt was, or how kind you were to me, it was the feeling that I was finally safe with someone. you made me feel safe after so many years of hating everything. it sounds stupid but I dont think it is.

when you kissed me for the first time on those swings at the same park we met at, 7 years later, I felt like nothing could ever tear us apart, like we'd be together forever. but now you're gone, and suddenly i cant find peace anymore. I cant sleep without dreaming of you, I cant eat without thinking about us cooking in my kitchen, and i cant drink anything without thinking of the stupid drinking games we would play at your stupid parties.

why did you make my life so wonderful? did you know you would kill every bit of my happiness eventually? did you know that you would leave so soon?

why did you do it? why'd you kill those people? now everyone hates you for what you did. I hate you for what you did. I know it wasnt your fault, but I cant help it.

I dont go outside anymore. every time I step off my porch, I can't help but remember our dates where we sat in the field near your house and looked up at the sky for hours.

sidney and randy hate me now, but I cant blame them. they say i was dating a monster. I dont think you're a monster..

I dont know how I'm going to recover from this, but I know I'll have to.

eventually.

I dont want to forget you.

but what if I do?

what if I forget what we had? what if I forget how your stupid cologne smells? how you feel in my arms, how your lips felt on mine.. I dont want to forget.

I dont want to move on. my mother says I have to, that I need to find someone else to take my mind off of you. I screamed at her, told her to fuck herself and that I hoped her husband died so she felt how much it hurt. I dont feel bad. I dont regret saying it.

I hate you, stu macher.

I'll never fucking forgive you for what you did to me.

and most of all, I hate that I still love you.

yours forever, y/n.

after you wrote it, you felt better. you felt like he was reading it over your shoulder the whole time.

you were still upset though.

a few months later, you accepted the fact that stu would never come back. he was gone for good.

it hurt, but you got accepted it.

and you may have accepted it, but you never truly got over it.

stu was truly the love of your life.

#chaos calling! #stu macher #stu macher x reader #stu x reader #stu macher is my soulmate #im in love with him

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

I really hope the show focused more on learning lessons from every episode rather than just focusing on the action and subplots that in the end, won't mean anything

Even though both marinette and adrien do a lot and i mean a LOT of dumb shit throughout the show i found myself excusing them cause they're still teens (ofc i dont excuse how the writers wrote marinette as being a creepy stalker and trying to play it off as a "joke").

Wouldn't it have been much better if the two main leads learned from their mistakes after each episode ends?

Adrien has been constantly neglected by his abusive father, so watching him lash out emotionally or not knowing how to handle the situation properly, i can see it being a little excused imo cause he barely got any attention or affection. The only one who was there for him is now gone and he's mostly stuck alone with his thoughts. He only sees his friends everyday he goes to school and thats pretty much it (unless gabe lets him out every once in a while).

The show would've been much better if Marinette had been the one to emotionally support him, show him whats right and wrong instead of having her constantly lash out at him for every tiny mistake.

The two could've talked about their problems and slowly built their relationship from there, it would've been a much better show tbh if it took that direction. I know Adrien gets a lot of hate for the things he does but i cant really blame him for it, he doesnt have anyone to guide him, his father is barely there for him and he doesnt open up to natalie at all, the writers could've used his love and admiration for ladybug as a way for him to open up to her and tell her whats going on with him.

Maybe she can even help him learn his powers better, when to use it and whats the important time for it to be used. I know all the fights they went through are different but at least he would know how to restrain his powers instead of sometimes using it without thinking and just bolting in straight towards the villain.

It truly makes me sad, the show had many directions to take but it chose to be generic and bland and most of all what turns me off from watching the other seasons is its predictability. we know that no matter what the two go through, in the end they'll get together and thats it.

I hope the movie is somehow different since thats all i can look for now, i really want the two main heroes to interact more with each other instead of fighting villains and arguing every two seconds; i watched the first ep of s5 out of curiosity and im glad that ladybug didnt really get upset at him, idk how their relationship has been in s5 since i really hold no interest in it anymore.

It's a wasted opportunity sadly, i might have to look for fanfics cause those are the only ones that make me feel connected to them both.

What are your thoughts however? (And if you have any fanfic recommendations then pls throw em my way. I rly dont know what to start with)

I don’t think the whole “learn a lesson in every episode” idea is a bad one, but the way it’s handled here doesn’t work because the lessons never mean anything. The characters never grow as people, so the lessons feel superfluous as a result.

Like you said, these episodes could have been used to better build up the bond between Marinette and Adrien, and in my opinion, it would have made that scene from “Multiplication” feel more meaningful, because that way, it would make sense that Adrien would thank Marinette for everything she’s done for him.

As for the movie, it’s entirely possible that the show could pull a Ninjago and take influence from what their movie did in the later seasons, or expand upon certain ideas brought up.

#immaturity of thomas astruc #iota #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug salt #ml salt #marinette dupain cheng #ladybug #adrien agreste #cat noir #chat noir

[dojae-huh]

I was going to talk about it ..u posted it...right fans were kinda sad that he didnt active on weaver's I guess....but u knw i want to ask this..is jaes brain and charecter is entirely and totally different than any others in 127??

I mean when they were sending messages literally evryone was together...dy even said we are infront of yuta in one message right....cant jh just go with the flaw..dont take it wrongly...I am not forcing and pushing anyone out of their charecter...infact I knw people who goes with the falw and people who ignores these kind of things ....I am not judging them..I have no right on that...but most of the people who ignores this are someone who doesnt have followers and admirers...so they dont have to care what others think and most importantly they wont criticized that badly ....but jh is an idol with millions followers...fans are eagerly waiting for his updation when evryone in his group is active ...I knw it is the exact reason why he divide his life as jh and yuno...but when he is jh he needs to fulfill some duties right.. not just to please the fans but also to save from this kind of stupid criticism...I myself is not a fan of asking my idol to do something or forcing them to entertain us..fans...I think it is totally bullshit and ridiculous..I knw idol are just common people like us who have feelings and pain...ok..but what I want to convey is there is a clear way to stop this kind of talk of fans from happening...just giving out messages playing with the members wont do anything...plus it will be good for his image...but he chose not to do that...instead gets the criticism from fans and tells them to dont be upset ..and it is me ...this behaviour is what I dont understand...u should knw that I am not saying he should always please the fans and entertan them...but their criticism if really hurts him...and it Is not the first time too...if it really hurts his feelings then he can go with easy way that evryone is using right...even if he does that he can still says that jh is different from yuno..who would never do smthng if others want it from him...and he really dont care abt the world ...I guess..

That's why I ask u as a long term observer of jh...what is his charecter..I knw u wrote about his brain type..I read it...but that's not what I wanted..I mean why wouldn't he choose an easy way rather to makes things more complicated.i felt it is amazing..and his is kinda stubborn nature..no matter how soft u are these people can blast ..and I really wonder how jaedo being in a relationship almost for 10 yrs this smoothly..both are kinda weird...strange tho...

I guess Jaehyun is resistant to peer pressure. If he is not bulging, it means the issue is important to him. Something that might look as not big of a deal to you, might be betraying himself in his own eyes. I can say for myself that it is extremely hard for me to ask for forgiveness for something I didn't do. There are situations where it is easier to just say "I'm sorry", brush it off and move on, but I will rather go into escalation of the conflict than lie and "acknowledge my fault" in such a case.

Jaehyun said he decided to post once a week on bubble, he normally writes thankful messages after concerts and such. He sometimes participates in leaving comments on socmed under other neos' posts/lives, but only when he wants. He has already started posting much more frequiently on IG and on bubble. He posts whimsical pictures, jokes. The thing is, nothing will ever be enough for some of his stans, and antis will always find a reason to hate on him and a way to paint him black. It is antis who use his socmed behaviour as a tool. If he gives up territory now, he will be pressured to give even more later. Give fans an inch, they will take a mile. Remember Doyoung's situation a year ago? When he talked about Link+ instead of Brasil where 127 had a concert? This happened to a neo who rivals Chenle on the number of messages to fans on all accounts.

Notice that Jaehyun underlined that he is always glad to see fans during fanmeetings and on concerts, he also wrote that he will continue to give his fans back via performing and new music. He drew a clear boundary and showed who he thinks are his real fans (those who like him for the music and who accept the real him).

Jaehyun didn't say the accusation hurts him. He said he doesn't like that his fans are hurt because of those "fans" who calculate his love for his fans based on the frequiency of his messages. He did precisely what you want him to do: he came in and stopped the issue from developing further. He said "(fans) trust my words (don't be gullable)". Doyoung does exactly the same, just with more sugar.

Remember that his fans turned on him during his scandal, he was sent death threats during live in the chat. It is already wonder he was able to comeback to communication with his fans to almost how he was before after 2-3 years. There is a need to divide the mass of fans into real fans who really cherish you and wish you good and those fickle fans for whom you are an object.

As for Weverse. He let Jungwoo take a picture with him and post it. They were drinking beer and relaxing. For Yuta chatting with fans is fun, he wants that attention, he wants to live the rock-star life (he once said he reads comments on YT about himself often). Taeyong is chronically online as well. Doyoung always thinks about promotion (and the current Weverse activity is promotion). As for Jaehyun, he most probably just wanted to relax after work, maybe he talked to his parents or his non-NCT friends. It was his private time. He probably hasn't figured out how to use Weverse, so "leaving a few comments" would require a lot of work, actually. Other neos regularly write nonsence on IG under each others posts, he never joins. So why would the thought "I should join to not look suspicious" occure to him on that day?

#ask me away #he likes the night view

[proudfreakmetarusonniku]

I say this as someone that thought the finale was a 7/10 at best, like the confrontation was ok imo and made sense with the characters BUT i just rewatched so much lore and let me tell you there are so many times where c!dream encouraged c!tommy to cause chaos and destruction. Im not sure if he did this to get c!tommy in danger or not, but there are times early on when c!ponk c!tommy fight and c!dream encourages c!tommy to chase down c!ponk saying "carry on"

Theres a time where c!jack doesnt crouch back at c!tommy and c!dream syas "ok il kill him" another time where c!purpled scams c!tommy so c!dream wants to go and grief and steal from him and encourages c!tommy to do the same. Im not ruling out the idea that this was ooc and jsust mcuking around as ccs but i think it rlly makes sense in the lore too with c!dreams motivations. And perhaps the reason why he chose the revival book over c!tommy in pogtopia arc was 1-he saw c!tommys friendship offer as ingenuine and was annoyed with him he believed c!tommy would cross him. 2- ends justify the means, he striked later in exile. 3- it would mean c!dream woudl have to help pogtopia which he didnt want too (as now having the book). But the exchanges where he is nice to c!tommy and encourages him to be chaotic, a lot of them happen after this pogtopia war so he tries to build that bond again only to suddenly start burning eveyrthing and balmign c!tommy which then shows that he rlly did want everyone agaisnt c!tommy, enough to get him exiled. (We all know exile was what c!dream planned, the whispers of ":)" were all to provoke) Now, one could suggest that the bonding prior to exile was all some trick maybe out of revenge or for fun, but i think that it did stem from c!dreams lonliness and he rlly did see c!tommy as the key to unifying the server (whilst also seeing him as someone that destroyed it) somehow both these ideas allign in his mind.

I also feel like in prison arc when he said "We can be immortal together" C!dream did that to torment c!tommy but also did that out of geneuine interest, a big part of him wanted to study the revival book with him and be immortal with him. What do u think?

Yeah, c!Dream's feelings on c!Tommy are… erratic. I don’t think he ever hated him (because he needs c!Tommy to exist as the scapegoat in his worldview, and if he hated him that’d mean he'd have to confront it the second he got rid of him) but he views him as basically the cause for EVERYTHING on the server, good or ill. It’s part of him in general just seeing everything he wants to accomplish as one big thing- bringing peace to the server is the same as getting his friends back is the same as control over c!Tommy. This is also why he can insist he’s not thinking about c!Tommy while planning something that only matters bc of c!Tommy with being mad at c!Wilbur.

A lot of the reason c!Dream isolates c!Tommy, I think, is because of that power he’s assigned to him. Which, logically, c!Tommy completely lacks. He's basically a normal kid, and even if you count him as VP (a role he TRIED to step down from) that was more of a ceremonial title than anything. But because c!Tommy IS the server and IS not being alone, that means in c!Dream's head he's the most dangerous person on the server. And that power is something he wanted for himself.

With c!Dream being confirmed out of universe to have been wanting to make c!Tommy an ally, repeatedly threatening to make him immortal For him, and him offering to spare the lives of people who agreed to his plan that is most likely made up (and therefore, he was making that offer Only to c!clingy), I think it’s pretty much confirmed that he wanted c!Tommy involved in the immortality experiments, yeah. I think, in a fucked up way, he genuinely cares for c!Tommy. It’s just his view on friendship is that if you’re not unconditionally devoted to him and have your life 100% revolving around his, you’ve betrayed him. If exile went his way, he'd have made c!Tommy into basically his own definition of the perfect friend.

Personally, I don’t think I can give the finale a score out of ten it’s almost hilariously erratic in quality in my opinion.

#Dream smp #primeboys (derogatory)

[manic-kagura]

alright so some shit in my life has happened and im just reaching breaking point after breaking point and this post + its possible following reblogs exist to help me vent

general tw, but specific to domestic abuse, narcissistic abuse, and anything that can occur within those two categories (im exhausted i cant think of all the issues that may pop up)

theyll all be under readmores

so for context: my dad has undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder - while it may be undiagnosed by technicality, i consider this to be his state of being because, like narcs do, he refuses to get help, because THAT would mean something is WRONG WITH HIM!

I’m 27 years old - I didn’t get out of that emotionally abusive household until i was 25, and even then I was unable to fully escape it. in late february of 2020 my dad crossed a line that just...lit the lightbulb in my head and i chose to go live with my current boyfriend, who i had known for about a month and been dating for maybe 2 weeks at the time. it’s been 2 years since i left, and after a long time of slowly getting things in my control (finances, my dog, my car, my bank account, etc) i was finally able to start going low contact 10 months ago. unfortnately, this also meant i couldn’t call my mom because he would turn the volume on the tv down so he could hear me talking to her over the phone. i didnt want to risk her safety further, so we just...dont call each other unless shes in the car.

this specific post is not for me to go into details on the bullshit i endured (i may do that elsewhere another time with heavy tw) - this post is specific to a rather recent set of events and how this has, today, crumbled into causing me a downward spiral.

my dad has threatened my mom with divorce A LOT over the past 2 years - it started getting really aggressive when i caught covid and she was asking him to back off because (SURPRISE) his meddling was making my symptoms worse (and i didnt even live with them...controlling ass freak). so anytime she vaguely annoyed him, he’d threaten it. my mom is very very Christian (unfortunately), and from South Africa - the idea of divorce is terrifying to her on so many levels, and no matter how many times ive tried to get her to leave she always had an excuse.

well, one day he made the threat, and she said “bring the papers and i’ll sign them.”

the threats calmed down. I don’t know when they started getting aggressive again, but in May of this year (2022), he finally decided he’d bring them. he told my mom she had time to look for living arrangements, and when she did he’d start finalizing divorce shit. when i learned this i blocked him everywhere i could manage - no phone calls, no texts. saving face has no purpose anymore when theres nothing to salvage.

my mom has been working her ass off for like 4 years - my dad lost his job, and with it any financial stability we may have had (all the Amazon boxes stacked around the house every day would make you think otherwise though). i learned my mom had NO ACCESS to her income. it went to a joint account that she was unable to get into.

well with this actual divorce going on and her job working her to death (like she goes in at 7 am and leaves at 12 am - fuck publix), she has had literally no way of packing shit up to start getting ready to leave. she has not opened a new bank account for her income. she hasnt found a lawyer. despite me telling her id help her with these things, shes declined and ive backed off.

until today.

on a whim i decided to check my old email (a rarity in the past 2+ years honestly). i noticed some emails in there that were sent as a text, from a phone, which was something i had seen before (my dad had done this somehow by accident before in 2019, but it was always in a text chain that included me).

this one did not include me. i dont know how im receivng these. but its a text chain between him and some woman that i do not know - number and name dont ring any bells, she isnt in our family, shes not a friend ive ever heard him speak of.

he was asking her about “tourism visas” for someone coming from the Phillipines.

its not for work. not only does he not even do shit in the line of work in which hed be talking to people in other countries now, but TOURISM VISAS arent for work.

a good friend of mine from high school has a shitty dad too. we laugh at how fucking similar they are. turns out, her dads had shit like this too! fucking mail order brides!!!

i start sending my mom screenshots. im frantically texting her to contact me. she hadnt contacted me in about a week so in a fit of fear i decide to call her, which is something ive done my best not to do, at all, ever.

i asked her “can you talk? are you alone? can we speak in private?” she said she was at home, to call back in 10 minutes. i told her ok, but she needs to check her texts.

we start texting. she says my dad was asking why i called, what it was about, what i was gonna text her about. she said she didnt know (which is only half a lie tbh).

his response was “when you get home tomorrow, we need to finalize things.”

i ripped him apart in my texts. i told her she needs to get her finances together ASAP. no more waiting. he didnt give a singel solitary shit about her or our fucking family, hes trying to fuck her over. hes hurt us enough. i told her i had screenshotted all of the messages, i told her to ask for a small vacation from work to get her shit together and out, i told her to stay with a friend when my boyfriend and i couldnt be with her to pack.

shes finally decided to get a lawyer. she said to keep everything on hand. shes finally seeing the fucking lightbulb.

im hoping in the next week she’ll be having more days off to deal with this shit. my only high points within this situation today were to see her finally turn around and the mere fucking thought that i made my life long abuser shit himself, all because i said “i need to talk to you in private” to my poor fucking mother.

i hope this fucker burns in whatever hells exist. i hope he burns in every single torturous afterlife and his soul never rests. but most of all i hope he realizes he will leave this fucking world cold and alone, just like he raised and left us.

#personal #negative #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse #tw narcissistic parent #vent #add later

[itsmerachael5]

thinking about toxin. more so with her whole "family timeline"

i mean.. if i really think about it.. when chaos agent (then issac) and toxin had met -- not going by the dumb retcon after chapter 2 s3, they were lab partners. working in a lab with many people, eventually they fell in love and had chic; rather quick, but in terms of Issac's character this makes sense to me. when he finds someone he likes he's very quick to show this and favor them.

but anyways.. after the whole event that created chaos agent and made him the 'person' he is. she chose to follow him, and stayed just the same. he's changed, unsure if he's even the same person telling her he is for the sake of an easier time. but she's the same and accepts this change whole heartedly, pushing Chic to as well. Even after he admits that he may not be the same man she knew, she's okay with this to his surprise.

so they together build up enough numbers to create a sizable company (?) creating alter. She would help him with any sort of medicine/science related tasked he'd ask for. She was just as smart as when they first got together and the chaos agent wanted to utilize this, however their relationship began to slowly take a toll.. Issac i could imagine is very affectionate, but soon they would argue over things, and their relationship would start as marital to something more professional and strained -- but they still had a daughter together, and treated this as a family situation. you wouldn't even be able to guess they were married, as Chaos Agent doesn't refer to Toxin as many pet names.

skip ahead to when Chic dies, Chaos Agent lost in what to do, he knows he doesn't want to be a good guy. and neither does she, but she's the one to call them parents, bringing it up saying they'll grieve together. This doesn't happen, not on screen at least. if anything they become more distant than before. her working in steamy stacks, and he's all the way in Pleasant Park, trying to rebuild what he once had. even admitting to Skye, when she worked with him, that he felt no need to see or catch up with Toxin during this. They would have a zoom call a week. and even then that to me seems more business than relationship.

before i continue the rest of this. my assumption is that because of Issac becoming one with The Chaos Agent, it would only keep emotions that were necessary. Romantic feelings for Toxin seemed to dissipate but his fatherly love and desperation for acceptance from his daughter remained. he wanted to be there for her and be a father and be in her life, but he didn't know how to do this as she hated him.

Maybe he felt the need of acceptance from her because Toxin was already okay with the change. maybe he wanted to do this for evil manipulation reasons but im strong in the belief that he just wanted her to know that he still cared for her. She was still his little girl, and he could never harbor hate for her. Even though, he treated her with sarcasm and harshness when they she was first introduced, i think this was just ryan trying to figure out the dynamic. or possibly chaos agent reacted this way to her because of how she treated him with such hostility already, he didnt know how to be kinder til the party, when he truly understood why she treated him this way.

But back to Toxin, after the death of Chic, i'm sure she greived. she had snuck out to go to her funeral, and to comfort chaos agent. I wished that we were able to see more of this though, how her death affected not just Chaos Agent but Toxin. As she didnt even get to see or hear her own daughter before her demise. i want to know what it was like for her. was it just as hard as it was for Chaos Agent? did she lose sleep to waking nightmares, unable to prevent what was already done? or did she bury herself in whatever work he would give her trying to distract from the truth? They clearly didn't talk much during this, and i think thats maybe the saddest part to me, that during all of this hardship and grieving, all they would share is a weekly zoom call. i couldn't imagine how that would feel.

This puts a larger strain on the relationship i think.. and they surely don't think of each other as fondly as they once did. I wonder if seeing him reminded her of Chic, and vice versa. Did they ever argue about it? did they bring it up after that moment at the funeral?

sadly so many unanswered questions. because Chic didn't get alot of screen time.

but after Rue, when chaos agent found out that she was a clone of Chic, he was shocked. but i wish i got to see more of it, when he was happy to finally be reunited with his daughter, a second chance to do things better and he sort of had closure for her death as she has been reborn, she even has Chic's memories. so they aren't entirely the same, but she remembers Issac, she remembered growing up with her mother and father working late in the lab, she remembered the things that Chic does. but we're never sure how much of that memory is retained, its all just speculation. But for sure the only people who have that memory is Chaos Agent, Toxin, And Cameo, who she thankfully reunites with. and cameo is just glad to have her friend back

but now, after this, chaos agent changes again. after the defeat of Fusion and sacrificing his body, the chaos agent remains , keeping Isaac's memories eventually it and Isaac have become one. So, to survive it needs a new body, and through its greed and evil decides to take Rue as she was the closest. Now chaos Rue, the people Toxin is supposed to be closest to have changed again, and she remains the same. Her husband and daughter now entangled in a disgusting fusion, and this is all unknown to her. assuming chaos agent had died. And she had come to accept this, but Chaos Rue would tell her eventually and Toxin would still continue to work with it. Barely holding on to any similarities between her old life and this new one.

Maybe she was okay with this, not realizing til then how much things had changed, maybe she wanted to separate herself from the person she was before Chaos Agent arrived. But nonetheless she was still deep down the same person, when the only family she had left were only imitations of those before them.

More time would pass. Chaos Agent would eventually make a deal with Isaac to separate from Rue, and let her be at peace. The guilt from this is probably what drove Isaac to ask such a thing. he didn't want to harm Rue anymore than he had when she was Chic, and because the Chaos Agent still had Isaac within him it folded and allowed for this to happen. all it wanted was for Isaac to push for total control of the island again, something he would be able to manage now with Midas gone.

And now Toxin and Chaos Agent are still separated. She would barely if ever visit and Chaos Agent is now more enamored with Tek.. i mean, maybe not intentionally but he certainty was trying Something.

Later now touched by Jules' "gift" from Midas, and becoming empowered by the golden touch. he becomes more sinister, but this time Toxin isn't sure what to do, she wants to follow him as it's everything she's know as of the past at least decade. but he's become so corrupt.

but she does so, and stays with him. But after this we don't hear much from her.. and her death is tragic. Midas, possessed by his most evil self kills her crushing her in the rubble of steamy stacks. Chaos Agent says his goodbyes and she's done.

i havent seen the episode which this happens in a while so im sure theres more to it than that, but still. After Toxin dies, so does Chaos Agent, being defeated by the current cast of heroes.

and what's left is just Rue. The clone of Chic, an imitation of someone she'd never met. Accepted by a family who cared for her because she was that imitation. and Toxin was also the last piece of Chic left. the only person who was still organically themselves through the whole timeline of events.

#text #a #ill put that for analysis. i dont want this in a main tag #this does bleed into being about chaos agent and rue but #thats because theyre So intertwined with Toxin's exsistance that i couldnt refrain from mentioning them #but yeah.. i feel like in my obsession w chaos/tek/rue i never gave toxin the attention she deserved #because shes just as important than they are and the effects that chaos agent's choices have on her are just as important #blahh i dont have to explain myself #nobody reads these!

[wujico]

tw: death, sh

today sucked.

i thought it was going to go well... it started off well- so i assumed things would run smoothly. 🍀 didnt wake up until i was already at work, so the entire morning i was doom scrolling on tikok waiting for a text from him :,) im so pathetic, aren't i?

my mind was a little quiet though, given the anxiety i had last night. i woke up expecting the worse. silence is better than hearing anything. sometimes i wanna shut out my headmates forever, if it means i dont have to think.

ill never get that pleasure though, be it the thoughts from my depression, or my mind running as a cause of the adhd... and i dont even wanna get started on the malidaptive daydreaming disorder.

i hear everything and feel everything so heavily; maybe im cursed to have my emotions turned up all the way. ive always been called a "cry baby", though i dont think ive cried in front of anyone again since that one day.

as i write this im on my break at work. my hands are shaking in the break room, from the anxiety and the cold. i think the cold just makes the anxiety worse, especially with certain headmates who are serverly triggered by snow / cold weather.

i always used to like the snow, now i feel like dying when i wake up and see the crytal flakes falling outside my window.

im waiting for a message from 🍀 right now. he replied to what i sent him but didn't say anything more and i cant help but be worried... he never tells me anything anymore... when did i become such an unproachable person?

i think ive always been that way.

my breaks over, maybe ill write more tonight.

its tonight now,

i saw an old woman today, at my work. she reminded me of my grandma who died a few years back. ever since i started working here ive gotten better at talking to people, especially to lonely old people, who just need a outlet. i can do some small talk, even though im awkward and it burns me out right afterwards. i can never rest during work because i constanly replay every conversation and nitpick every detail of what i said and how i could be better.

but anyway, she reminded me of my grandma.

i never talked much with my grandma, not seriously. and i hate myself for it. i so blatantly had a favourite grandma back then. and now the one i pushed away is the one i miss the most. she was also so kind to me, even when i hated myself.

she used to make me crochet things when i was younger, before i was even born. i have them in my baby box, little signs for my room, little toys, little stuffed animals... she loved doing that and she was really good at it. she made me an entire dollhouse, which i dont have anymore. oh how i long to play with my barbies on the fabric she carved out herself.

she used to do it all the time, make things for me, especially when she used to babysit me and my brother for weeks on end during the summer months. as i got older, things like TV started to take over our life. me and my brother would still play outside a lot, and we'd play together inside too.... but slowly playing games like uno and skippo with my grandma got less and less "cool" in a way. me and my brother would turn to our wii and the tv (to watch dantdm together) before we'd chose to play a game with her.

i remember it vividly; shed sit at our table, doing crosswords, crochet, or watching gillmore girls. sometimes shed even ask, "ji, do you wanna play a game with me?" and even then, id say no.

i regret it. hours and hours shed sit there. i mean, sometimes i would play games with her, but to a kid... dantdm and stampy are much more fun than uno.

we had this thing, when id watch those youtubers, when they started being extra loud. shed yell at me jokinly why im watching british men play a game- maybe she couldnt undertsand the appeal of minecraft at all. i would giggle, turn it down a bit, then start infordumbing about what hes doing. she'd shake her head and walk off saying she didnt understand, but i saw her smiling anyway.

we went camping all the time with her and my grandpa, park our little tent trailer next to their bigger trunk-pulled one. they had a dog at that time, a german shepherd named shadow. she was such a sweetheart, i used to love running around with her in the surroundings forests. my grandma would struggle with making her bed and other things because it was tucked in the very back of the trailer. i used to go and help her if she "rewarded me nicely", which she always did. she always got me the best snacks that my parents wouldnt let me have. camping was a treat in itself, but it was better with them.

and we'd play games, over and over and over again.

its not the same anymore. my grandpa is gonna sell the trailer, shadow is dead- and so is my grandma. the areas we used to go to i never set foot in anymore.

i dont think i properly got a chance to grieve over her; i never get a chance to grieve over anyone. life moves on immediately, at in that case it was no different.

ive never thought about it since it happend... i think it was about 5 years ago maybe more. she had a heart attack of some sort; was send in an ambulance to the hospital. i was a kid, i didnt think much of it. 'shed get better' id tell myself, because at time my other grandpa had been in and out of hospital for cancer and he seemed to be doing alright. oh how wrong i was.

im crying now, blurring the letters on my phone. the lights in my room are giving me a headache. i never thought about it again, what i saw, what i experienced. i thought i had forgotten it, but for some reason, tonight, i remember it all.

the hallways of the hospital are white with brown accents, but theres a hint of colour within the plants. it smells like a hospital usually does; sterile and stangant. i didnt really mind it that much at the time. i was with my aunt and my dad, both my grandmas children. we walked to the icu. the windows werent glass though, like they are in the movies, i couldnt see into any of the rooms until we got to my grandmas, which im still thankful for, because i know i wouldnt have liked what i saw.

when we got to my grandmas room, it was really dark. her bed was against the oppsite wall to the door. there were no windows outside. there were two chairs on the left wall. the rest of the room was filled up completely by machines and tubes and wires.

my grandma was in the middle of the bed, not moving, barely breathing. she was in a coma. she was so pale, so lifeless. i had never seen her alseep before.

i sat on the chair and listened to my aunt speak to her. i wanted to cry and beg her to wake up. but i didnt. my dad asked if i was okay, i just nodded my head. my throat was dry. i still remember how peacful she looked. but i wasnt dumb, i knew it was a sort of peaceful that couldnt mean anything good.

im so sorry grandma, that i didnt say anything to you. im sorry i didnt say i love you. im so sorry that i couldnt speak, that my words were caught in my throat again. i can never speak when it matters the most. im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry

they say coma patients are still aware of their surroundings... ill always live with the guilt of never saying goodbye.

she died a few days later. my uncle picked me up from work— from my old job at a movie theatre. i was gonna go see my grandma again. i was really dissociated that day, so its all blurry. but i remember eating popcorn. my uncle started driving me home instead of the hospital. my mom told me she died when i got home.

i hate myself for not being able to say goodbye. i hate myself for all the lost time i never spent with her. i hate myself for chosing other activites than hanging out with her. i hate myself for never being able to hold a conversation with her as i grew older. i hate myself for having a favorite and for treating her differently. i hate myself for never saying i loved her.

i couldnt cry over her, besides the initial tears. i dont know why tonight is different, why do i have to remember everything all of a sudden?

i really want to die. im six months clean from sh, but i think im going to end that tonight.

- ji

(1 / 14 / 2024)

[ivan-is-autistic]

12/25/23 - it wasn’t okay. content warning for shitty exes, a shitty roommate, and the trauma they caused me. i’m still processing the trauma from being a confused and mistreated autistic adult before i knew i was autistic, and the continuation of my mistreatment even when i knew and tried to advocate for myself.

it wasn’t okay for my ex “A” and his family to tell me i was ruining their fun on their trip because i got overstimulated from all the drinking and loud music and told him i needed to lie down for a bit. his entire family called me rude for stepping away and he told me to apologize to them over breakfast for what i had done. i felt guilty so i did . i now know that i was having an autistic meltdown and needed quiet time to retreat, they were all gaslighting me and convincing me that i was a horrible person for needing to lie down and that wasn’t okay.

it wasnt okay for my ex “R” to beg me to let him move in when we had just met, even if he was also a trans man who needed help and wanted to live away from his family. he was a stranger i had been seeing for like 2 weeks and i didnt have to say yes just because he was being pushy and i felt bad. it wasnt okay for him to spend all his money at the bar instead of helping with rent and it wasn’t okay for him to scream at me and be mean to me, even if he was self aware and getting therapy. im proud of myself for eventually standing up to him and kicking him out.

it wasn’t okay for my latest roommate to be dismissive of my needs that were very small/reasonable asks and continually not consider me in decisions that greatly affected me or my pets. it wasnt okay for her to make careless decisions that traumatized me and my cat and belittle my experience and make me feel small so that she could avoid taking accountability for her roles in the situations and avoid apologizing for literally anything at all. it wasn’t okay for her to continually flip the conversation back onto me and the little mistakes i made and make that the focus so she could avoid talking about her big ones that actually negatively affected people and animals. it wasnt okay for her to project her insecurities and flaws onto me so that i looked like an awful person in front of the other roommate. or to call me crazy and attempt to make me question my reality. it wasnt okay for her to lie and gossip about me, and it also wasn’t okay for the other roommate to enable her behavior and go along with her instead of taking a moment to hear my perspective. literally not a single thing she did to me was okay, not even the nice thing she did in the beginning because she later used it against me. whats even worse is i repeatedly told her im autistic and have trouble with communication (i told her im better over text and tend to be wordy and have situational mutism in person) and she was dismissive of that, said she wasnt gonna read my “essays” and suggested i get ABA and a “real diagnosis”, lol. obviously its already messed up to manipulate and bully someone, but i’m speechless at the fact she was told im autistic and have a history of being mistreated in part because of that, and she still chose to further traumatize an autistic person because she was allergic to the word sorry and didn’t want a “weird” (autistic) person around her friend circle. so she made up some BS to turn the other roommate against me and get me kicked out. it wasnt okay for her to do any of that and make me lose a job i liked and that paid well. i had to say goodbye to a nice safe place (well, physically safe) to live and a close job working with animals all because this person didn’t want to acknowledge her wrongdoings or work on her internalized ableism. living with me required minor accommodations (like reading a few extra sentences and only sticking to washing our own dishes) and self reflection. and that was just way too much for her. now i’ve had to uproot my entire life, move 2 hrs away and once again attempt to find employment that doesnt make me wanna Ya Know, and a new place to live that hopefully won’t be falling apart and unsafe to live in. and also find another roommate since i cant afford to live on my own. this is all extremely difficult to find being autistic, trans, without a car, and making 15/hr or less because no jobs close enough to get to will pay more. fuck you old roommates, i hope you have the day you deserve.

#actually autistic #autistic adult #autism #late diagnosed autistic #ivan is autistic journal log #trauma #it wasnt okay #exes #roommates