#i mean for all they knew it really was a suicide mission

[charliemwrites]

Part 6 of SpecGru (former 141) reader; Simon’s perspective again.

WARNING: there’s a very brief implication/mention of reader having idle suicidal ideation. In the way of “I don’t care if something happens to me” kind of way. Happens during a phone call between Price and reader’s new captain.

Please be careful and safe. If someone needs this part summarized, let me know. I love you all very much <3

Here’s the truth of it: Simon never meant for you to leave.

You were too close, that was true. He did everything short of actually hurting you to drive you away. Treated you like a plaything, took your kindness and patience and feelings for him for granted. Left you cold and alone in a hospital bed — unable to see you pale and half-dead all because you were so goddamn headstrong…

That had put it all in vicious perspective. That he couldn’t keep you safe; knowing him, following him, would surely end with you on a metal table rather than a clean hospital bed.

In hindsight, he knows it was as much for his own sake as yours, trying to force that emotional distance between you two. But he just… he can’t do it. Not again. Not you. You’d break him.

But he never meant for you to leave. Not really.

Maybe take an extended solo mission. Or just break off the romance of it all. Maybe you’d stay away for a while, give him time to sort out his feelings and shove the useless ones back into the pit they belong in.

He didn’t expect you to be gone as soon as you could stand.

“You said yourself, Simon, she’s too young and reckless. The 141 can’t afford to babysit her,” Price explained.

“She nearly got you killed, LT,” Soap pointed out. That was before he found out that you were gone for good, not just on disciplinary leave.

And when he did…

“No. No, she dinnae…” he wiped a hand down his face, eyes going a bit glassy. “Why? Why would she… didn’t we mean anythin’ to her? I know we were all a bit on the rocks but ‘s just cos she gave us a scare…”

Gaz took it the hardest, showing up most morning with red-rimmed, puffy eyes. He tried texting you a hundred times; they never went through.

He and Soap begged Price to reconsider, saying that he had no right to kick you out without consulting the rest of the squad.

“I just told her that she should consider transfer,” Price corrected, steely.

“Same fuckin’ thing, ain’t it?” Soap raged. “What else ‘s she gonna do when it’s her captain sayin’ it?”

And Price had finally crumbled, his stubbornness giving way to a clearer head and regret in the aftermath. Simon knew how he felt; had been haunted with the same gut-wrenching feeling for two weeks by that point.

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have…” he wiped a hand down his face. “I’ll call Laswell, see if she can put us through.”

As it turned out, your new team had deployed you almost immediately. You were gone, relying on teammates you barely knew, and there was no guarantee when (or even if) you’d be reachable again.

When Laswell put Price through to your new captain instead, he scoffed down the line.

“That how the great John Price sends off his own?” He gruffed.

“I take care of my own,” Price replied, narrow-eyed.

“That’s explains it then, doesn’t it?” A shifting on the other end. “Well, she’s one of mine now, at least; better off that way I think.”

He was on speaker phone with the SpecGru captain. Shouldn’t have been, but it wasn’t a confidential call. So the rest of the 141 was there, vibrating with the effort to stay quiet.

Simon balled his hands into fists, arms crossed. He didn’t trust anyone with one of theirs. No, you belonged right there with the rest of the 141. They could keep you safe, keep you alive.

“The hell is that supposed to mean?” Price growled.

“Let me just ask you this, Price. And only because I need to know how to take care of her.” A pause, shuffling of papers. Something heavy and almost… hesitant in the silence before- “Did she always have this DNR order?”

Price’s office turned to ice. Simon’s entire shuddered, cored out. The arm of the chair Soap was occupying cracked. Gaz’s hand was covering his mouth, blood draining from his face.

“No,” Price answered, voice little more than rust.

A grunt on the other end.

“Thanks for the insight,” your new captain replied, sounding nonplussed. “At least you were good for something.”

The line droned, dead.

—

You’re standing with the rest of SpecGru, beaming like each and every one of them hung a star just for you. They orbit like you’re the sun, even Nikto, holding you in his arms, letting you lean back against him.

(You used to look at Simon like that. Used to let him hug you like that on the occasion he was weak and gave into the temptation to hold you.)

Every time he looks at you, it’s like a stranger with your face all over again.

You hold your shoulders differently. Tilt your head different. Have a certain control over your facial features better than any mask Simon’s donned.

Today you’re dressed down from your tac uniform. Specifically, your long-sleeve thermal has been replaced by a sleeveless gym shirt. It reveals that tattoo he caught only a glimpse of before — a big, intricate thing from your shoulder down your wrist.

(He and Johnny were going to go with you for your first tattoo. You asked them for all sort of recommendations. Enjoyed tracing Simon’s sleeve when he let you.)

There are more scars too. Burns, bullet grazes, jagged knife marks and patches from bad scrapes.

Nova is finishing up the wrapping on your hand, the other already done. You’re listening to something Russ is spouting off about, whatever it is making you laugh loud enough to be heard where Simon is lurking.

“C’mon,” Johnny says, bumping shoulders with Simon. “Know we fucked up yesterday, but we can try again. Maybe letting her beat the shite out of us will help clear the air, aye?”

Simon forces himself to look away. He already knows you won’t be glancing over.

“Yeah,” he replies. “Maybe.”

#thoughts™️ #cod #my writing #fanfiction #reader fic #sad fic #angst #former 141 reader #specgru reader #simon ghost riley

[sickuma]

SILLAGE — a Simon Riley fic. 2/2

❱ again this was an au first written on tiktok! this will be the last part of it, please keep in mind that it is all fiction and that if you're going through the same thing and are having the same thoughts, please seek someone you trust. Please fight for yourselves, you're worth it ꜝ？ Warning. . this is a heavy angst fic, mentions of suicide and acts of committing, if that is something that triggers bad emotions, please exit the fic.

paring is Ghost x Reader this is unedited! mistakes such as spelling and grammatical errors are to be expected !

Part 1 (^_^;)

SILLAGE — (n.) The scent that lingers in air, the trail left in water, the impression made in space after something or someone has been and gone; the trace of someone's perfume.

—hey [name]? I know I'm the last person you want to hear from right now, but I just really—

There was a short pause, as the voicemail erupts a slight static sound.

—I love you. That should have been enough reason. No, you were enough. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I was cowardly, I figured that you'll be happier and safer, being with someone who isn't me. Someone who isn't a soldier.

It was the same night he left your apartment. He swore to himself he would not come crawling back. To protect both of you, at the time, it had been the best solution for him. Until the midnight strikes, he remembered just how serious you looked, just how accepting you looked.

Too accepting.

—because who knows when one of these missions would finally take me out. I can't let you suffer through that, I can't be the one to give you that kind of grief. So I thought leaving you was the best option.

There was a dire pause as he thought of the best words possible to express himself. He’s never been one to do such, but for you, he’s willing to be better.

—it wasn't.

He spoke desperately, almost shaking from just how much adrenaline rushed through him. He had just argued with the team, and after a long hour of explaining to them what he needed to do, he was finally permitted to bail out on this mission, it’s not like he wouldn't leave without permission, that's how urgent this is for him, he needed to get to you as soon as possible,

Even he doesn't know why he’s in a rush,

Maybe it's because of your silence, the unanswered calls, and unread messages that brought him on edge.

—I love you, far too much, my love, to even think straight without you. I love you so much it's hard to breathe. I so desperately love you to the point it hurts.

The desperation and sincerity. It was all there. He knew if he couldn't let it out now, he won't let it out ever. This was his only chance of being happy.

You were his only chance for happiness. He almost couldn't believe he thought letting you go because of his fear was the best decision.

He stupidly let you go, succumbing to the fear of dying while you wait for him. He knows better, he will do better,

For you. Because you're worth changing for, you're worth the risk.

—please don't hate me. I know I was an ass for leaving in the first place, baby, I am sorry. You loved me so much that it felt so good, I didn't know I'm capable of feeling that way, so I was scared that worse would come after. I'm not scared anymore. You looked at me like there's something in me worth looking at,

He felt like he was saying so much yet so little at the same time,

He had so much to tell you but very few words to express it. He needs to be with you. He needs to see you and physically explain to you just how much you mean to him.

—I won't waste it, love, not again. Please open the door for me when I get back. 

He frowned, realizing once again just how idiotic he was. He knew he should not have done what he did, but it was over with. The only thing left to do is to make things right somehow.

—I've never been taught how to love, I have.. I don't— I'm not the best at it. I'm sorry baby, if I'm not loving you the right way, and for leaving just like that, but I promise I'll be better. you're worth the better of me, you're worth learning love for.

He needed you, and you needed him. That should have been enough reason to risk it.

—when I come back, please let me hold you. Please forgive me for making you feel like an option between my job. It's you. It's always been you. I love you, baby, wait for me. I'll make this right.

As the line cuts, the static sound fills the eerie room of yours. The very same room he had walked out from, the same room where you sat breathing hours ago. There were no other living sounds except for the occasional ticking of the clock.

There were no signs nor sounds of life perceived in the room. The silence was thick. With your lifeless body beside the bed in a fetal position, a bottle of used pills tightly wrapped around your hands. It was light, about three to four pills left inside a newly bought bottle.

It was dead silent as if the universe sympathized with you.

Allowing silence in regards to respect for what has passed, for what has ended.

﹑

“My family’s never been the typical joyous family, I guess that affected me, as a person in general.”

You explain, running your hand through his hair while his head laid on your lap. It’s one of those days where he’d be much affectionate compared to the majority of the time. He requested to hear about your childhood while he rests on you,

For a moment you felt your heart and breath hitch.

“I guess growing up in that kind of household really—really influenced my well-being. It's given me problems and worries I shouldn't have.” You were hesitant to continue, “Fear, I started having fears for a lot of things.”It's as if you caught a glimpse of his mind, taking in the details you've just given him.“Fears like?” 

The moment the question reached your ears, he could see your body tense. He understood, and he doesn't plan on pushing it.“You don't have to answer that, my love.” he smiles, “No matter what it is you're scared of, let’s face it together, yeah? You have me. That's enough, I hope.”

Little did he know that fear was yet to come. The fear of leaving soon, the fear of being unable to keep going. How could you ever explain to him that you don't plan to stay long?

﹑

With a ragged breath from exhaustion, he dropped his things once again, the same way he did before he left. Facing your door yet again, panting as a feeling of discomfort plagued him, why exactly? He’s finally here. Why is he so distraught, he wondered.

“[name]?” he knocks,

Swallowing the lump in his throat, his voice strained, and his state dishevelled. “[name] please—it’s me, please answer.”

The lack of response made him think about just how angry he made you,

“I'm sorry,” he whispers,

“I know I was stupid and irrational. I won't do it again, petal, please open the door.”

To say he’s nervous would be an understatement. What would he do if you never find it in you to let him back into the comfort of your arms? Will he return to the familiar cold he had forgotten when he met you?

“[name] I love you.”

He desperately spoke, yearning for an answer; the smallest sign of acceptance. 

It was odd. How quiet it was. Are you that mad? He wonders, but then again, he knew you’re not one to ignore, not even when you’re the angriest you've been. You would never shut him out, not ever. “[name], please, answer, or I'll have to go inside.”

“Baby are you okay?” no response.

Each passing second was like a countdown. He was uneasy and distraught. Afraid even.

The silence felt deafening. He was afraid of what? He had no clue what he was so afraid of, surely you're okay...

Right?

“[name], I'm coming in,” he says sternly, fishing the spare key he oh so gratefully forgot to give back. His heart thumps louder with each action.

The moment he entered, the creak of the door interrupted the silence. He felt like he was intruding on an abandoned space. It felt wrong. He knew something was wrong.

“[name]? I'm back, like—like I always am.” his voice broke, stepping inside, head looking around, hoping to find you and engulf you in his longing arms. “As I told you, I’ll always find my way back… right?”

He kept speaking while he walked, checking and opening every door. Starting from the small kitchen to the bathroom, checking everywhere until there was one room left. He dreaded it, for no reason he was scared and yet he rushed,

He spoke, no—he goes on a tangent, 

“I'll take the month off. We’ll do anything you want, anything to make up for this. I promise we can even get a pet, I always say no, right? This time, I'll agree, anything for you, my love just—”

The silence rung,

Apart from the sound of the door opening by his force, there were no sounds made, not from him, not from anything. He simply stood, dumbfounded at what the room unveiled; at that moment, nothing mattered, not even the breath he had held unknowingly.

A ragged chuckle escaped his lips, though it was hollow. As if he was desperate to know that maybe this is all some sick prank. Maybe this was one of your silly games he always put up with, “Baby? What’s this? Why are you on the floor?”

“Jokes over [name] get up—”

When it all came to view, he was silenced. The second he stepped closer, he saw how your body lay lifeless, how you held that bottle, and how his eyes drifted onto the lone tear, which evidently dried along the hours. 

How long have you been here?

In this state? How long has it been since you left him?

He couldn't feel. He couldn't grasp his head around the sight before him. He’s well familiar with death. He’s seen it before, and he’s lost comrades before, but nothing comes close to what lay in front of him. 

How does one react when their lifeline lies lifeless before their very eyes?

He couldn't approach nor speak. He simply stood with weak knees, tempting to give out. It didn't take him long to crouch, eyes wide open with lips parted slightly. There were no tears, no emotions, the moment numbed him. It didn't feel like reality,

There he crouched, just a few steps away from you. It didn't feel like his heart dropped. It felt almost worse, as if you'd taken it with you. How could this have happened? Did he cause this?

If you had told him a day ago that he would witness the person he loved the most laying on the floor devoid of life, he would have laughed at your face, punching you even. This isn't reality. This isn't a reality he wants to face.

It took every courage in his body to bring himself closer to you, afraid of what more he’d discover. With slow steps, he drew closer, grabbing your hand was the first thing he thought of doing. “Oh god…” his voice broke,

Your body isn't as warm as it used to be,

Not as he remembered. The warmth he loved when he would hold you against him, it’s gone. You're gone.

He had felt countless of stiff lifeless bodies and yet yours hurt the most,

The mere thought of it destroyed him. It hasnt sinked in yet, but he could tell. He could tell his demise is near. The realization will hit him in a short while. 

“Baby, im home…” this wasn't him. This was not his voice. Stuttering over the easiest words, strained with pent-up sobs. His chest felt heavy, almost making it difficult to breathe. 

Yet with hitched breath, he picked up your limp body and placed you in his arms, crushing your icy body against him. He held you tightly, but his hands cradled your body tenderly. It was as if he’s afraid of hurting you more.

Ghost was forever fearless, always facing whatever challenge was given to him, even his mortal enemy would know that he isnt necessarily the easiest solder to crack, let alone destroy and yet he finds himself sat on the floor holding the lifeless frame of his lover,

Cradling whatever is left of you,

Desperately holding onto what he can possibly hold on to.

The lieutenant everyone looked up on, admired and viewed as an admirable man, sat on the floor with a weighing heart. Holding back the tears that had formed without his knowledge as he held your body, 

but right now, he wasn't lieutenant simon ‘ghost’ riley.

At this moment, he was just simon, the simon you loved desperately, the simon who loved you just as insanely.

This person right this moment was your simon,

He wasnt anyone else, he was yours.

As he sat on the hard cold floor, thoughts roaming with his heart screaming, he felt like a mess, but that didn't matter. Words can not describe the regret, remorse, and stupidity he felt,

If i didnt leave,

If i didn't walk out that door,would you still have been alive in my arms?Would i still have to hold you soulless?

He held you closer, bringing you closer to him, as close as possible. He felt nothing but regret, nothing but anger for himself. Why is it that the very grief he tried to protect you from, the same reason he left, the same grief he avoided you to feel, why is it that he’s feeling it now?

His ragged sobs filled the room, and the rest remained still as if everything sympathized for him. As if the world understood the hurt he carried. He sobs, holding onto you as if doing so would bring you back. He knew nothing well, and yet he foolishly cried, hoping you’ll hear him and come back to ease the pain.

Like you always did.

At the corner of his eyes, he saw the letters piled not far from them. Without standing, nor letting go of you, he reached for it. Reading the names addressed on each, until he sees the one for him.

Of all the few letters he saw, his was the only one with tear drops which ruined the ink in front, almost unable to read, he brought it closer, dropping the rest.

Simon,

I felt everything.

Thank you, and im sorry,

I love you :)

Swallowing the impossibly heavy lump on his throat, he opened the carefully folded letter. He was met with even more tear drops. The thought of you crying, alone, while you write him a letter to bid him goodbye, crushed his soul.

He cant imagine a greater pain,

It felt surreal.

How could I..

How could I have lost you this easily.

With his blurry vision, he starts to read—well—attempt to. With every sentence, every punctuation, every meaning of your words, all of it felt like a slap to reality.

How could he have not seen?

How did he not notice? Not paying attention to what you were going through? How could he have been so careless as to leave you all alone.

The very fear you spoke of,

He did just exactly what your family had done.

If anybody could have saved me,

it would have been you.

He read the part over and over again, allowing your words to cut through his heart repeatedly. He left you, and yet, at the end of the day, you still see him as someone—the only one who could save you. 

Despite the war inside your mind,

Inside your mind and unwavering emotions, which he hadn't bothered to unveil, he remained the most important person.

May it be in your chaotic mind or the furthest crevices of your heart, he remained on both.

He read it all,

Understanding every single thing you failed to say in person,

Everything you failed to say while you still lived.

It hurts even more. He thought nothing could be more painful when he saw you laying lifeless. But having to read what you wanted to say,

How sorry you were, how thankful you are to him, and how he made you feel. 

It was surely another cut to an already existing wound. His mind flashed memories while he went over the tear stained letter you left.

He remembered everything as if they were as fresh as yesterday. When you first smiled at him, when you first held hands, when your lips first touched.

Your words were true. The story of you really is short-lived. But he couldn't help but think about the what If's

If he stayed,

If he hadn't walked out,

If he ignored his fear of abandoning you,

If he hadn't been so stupid and cowardly.

He gave up, and the heavy lump on the throat overcame him, letting the sting linger for as long as eternity. He read the last words on the letter, with a loud sob, with repeated pleads.

Repeatedly apologising, repeatedly begging for you to come back so he could fix things so everything could return to normal,

So you could return.

A childish wish. A high-ranking soldier held the lifeless body of his lover all while he begs for them to come back. 

"I'm so sorry." He whispers, voice too broken to speak normally. "I'm sorry for not noticing."

"I'm sorry you had to be alone." 

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He repeats over and over again, holding you against him. 

At the back of the letter, he could barely see the words written with how blurry the tears clouded his eyes.

Thank you for making me feel.

The words only crushed him even more, sobbing and crying harder to no avail. 

"[name]..." He whispers, holding you close. "Did it hurt? I'm sorry, it must have been so hard."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm so sorry for not being here you."

He apologized, wishing he could have been with you. To convince you otherwise, wishing he could have been here to avoid this,

To avoid losing you.

Wishing he could have stayed to keep making you feel.

The thoughts of your words before he left suddenly entered his mind,

"Can I hug you?"

"One last time?"

Now it all makes sense why you looked so serene, why you looked so accepting. Why did you have that small smile on your lips,

You were bidding him goodbye.

That really was the final hug. 

The final touch he'd ever get, the final living affection he would get from you. 

He holds you now, but it wasn't the same, not even close. Back then, you were smiling and breathing, but now you're no different to an inanimate object. Stiff and cold, this is the person he loved so dearly?

It ached.

And it ached painfully.

The type of ache to never go away, the type of ache he'd keep forever.

The type of ache he'll willingly embrace,

As he held you that night, mourning for what could've been, mourning for someone beyond saving.

This was the ache he'd willingly feel forever,

If it means having you in his mind and heart. He would willingly hurt himself by keeping that ache if it means keeping you in his deceased heart forever.

As the remnant of your memories roamed the room, your presence which now passed, the scent of yours he dearly craved. It left a sillage pain to remember,

You left a sillage worth remembering.

"I'll keep you in my heart,

Even if that damage me,

Even if it kills me.

I'll keep you safe forever."

#simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley #ghost cod #cod ghost x reader #cod x reader #ghost riley x reader #simon 'ghost' riley #simon ghost riley x you #simon 'ghost' riley x reader #ghost cod x reader #ghost angst #ghost x you #ghost riley #ghost call of duty #cod imagine #simon riley imagine #mw2 imagine #ghost mw2 #simon riley #simon riley angst #mw2 x reader #ghost imagine #ghost simon riley #cod simon riley #simon ghost riley imagine #ghost fluff #call of duty #call of duty ww2

[yorsgirl]

On such a full moon night

Ryomen Sukuna x Fem!Reader

Synopsis: You were an untouched canvas and he aimed to paint you in all colors of his.

Tropes: Explicit smut, angst, unhappy ending.

Warnings: Dead dove: do not read, Non con/Dub con, fem!reader, violent!sukuna, kissing, biting, choking, nipple play, fingering, rough sex, degradation, dacryphilia(arousal from tears), sadism(to enjoy the act of inflicting pain on others), mild torture, loss of virginity, blood, defloration(losing hymen through sexual intimacy), corruption kink(the idea of corrupting someone pure with one's negativities), rough sex, cervix fucking, unprotected sex.

General warnings: Aged-up characters, suicidal thoughts, Canon timeline, Sukuna in Yuji's body, Inaccurate canon lore in some parts, usage of nicknames, no mention of y/n.

Word count: 4.4k

A/N: THIS IS A VERY DARK FANFICTION WITH ELEMENTS OF BORDERLINE NON-CONSENSUAL SEX AND BODY INJURY. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY SUCH TOPICS.

MDNI - MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Disclaimer: Forceful or coerced intimacy is wrong. I, in no way, support sexual intercourse through any other means except conscious consent. This piece of work is only written for entertainment purpose, it has no relation with real life nor does it aim to influence someone's real life behaviors.

The first time Sukuna saw you, he knew he had to have you.

Apparently, you were that damn brat’s some middle school acquaintance or so he suppose. He didn’t bother learning your relation with his vessel, he never did. Honestly, he was the least bothered with what happened with that boy’s personal life. And you would have been just another face in the crowd but you weren’t.

He found you amusing, to say the least.

What lured him to you was the lack of cursed energy you possessed. It was intriguing; how a human could have so little amount of negativity harnessed in their being? How could anyone be so unscathed from the adversities of the world?

Sukuna was no stranger to the complexity of human emotions. He was a human. Once. Some thousand years ago. And he was relatively knowledgeable on how annoying such emotions could be.

So a maiden like yourself was rather amusing.

You were like a delicate flower to him - unharmed, untouched. So beautiful, so fragile, so vulnerable.

His red irises locked onto you, as he watched you from the eyes of his vessel. He observed you, like a hawk observed its prey.

And were you really anything more?

You were his prey.

A smirk slipped into his lips as he continued to stare at the delicacy before him.

“Just you wait for me, little prey.”

.

The wait ended sooner than he had anticipated. The higher ups had sent his vessel on a mission to eliminate one grade one cursed spirit. Calamity could only strike cause by the time the Yuji reached the spot, the cursed spirit had evolved to a special grade.

Weak and on the brink of losing consciousness, yet the cursed spirit was evoking chaos through the dark forest. Just before he could fall into a deep slumber, did the young man let the curse residing in him assume control.

It took Sukuna hardly more than a few minutes to erase the existence of that spirit from the very face of the Earth.

And then, he waited.

One minute.

Two minutes.

Three minutes.

Then the realization hit him that the brat couldn’t gain control.

He grinned at the new found and perhaps, rare freedom. He was going to celebrate these moments of slip up. For he knew, the exact place he needed to be.

He was free, after all.

.

You stared up ahead, transfixed by the bright moon illuminating the dark city. The night so peaceful and pretty. Almost too quite.

You loved nights.

You loved the moon.

And on such a full moon night, you couldn’t help but feel an unease, a sense of foreboding that something terrible were to happen. Some threat lingered as the wind swept the tendrils of hair that cascaded aside your face.

As the shadows cast by the celestial body start to move across the land, you heard a thud behind your back. Like something has fallen. Or perhaps, someone.

You turned around, tufts of pink hair caught your attention first. The eerie red eyes piercing your soul, staring at you; almost too familiar yet, foreign and terrifying at once. You squint your eyes, trying to make out the figure which had turned the air so cold which caused the hairs on your neck to rise up.

“Yuji?” You called aloud but as soon the name leaves your lips, you bite back on your tongue – this wasn’t Yuji.

You heard the clicking of tongue as the familiar body steps forward, the moonlight falling on his features; dark markings covered parts of his face. A grin, almost sinister playing on his lips. His sharp canines glinting as your eyes widen in recognition.

“Su-Sukuna…” You hesitate to even utter his name, your fear palpable. Your breath hitched as his grin widened (if that was possible) and he nodded. You stepped back, your bottom hitting the railing of the terrace, as your grip on the metal tightened.

What? What is he doing here?

“You haven’t changed at all, as it seems.” His deep voice hit right at your bones, the spine chilling sensation stronger than ever.

He will kill me.

Is it how I am going to die?

You didn’t answer. What would you even speak of? Standing before you was the incarnate of devil himself. One wrong move and you would be dead. Even being silent wasn’t a preferable choice, he’d kill you if that satisfied him.

“Fear not,” He kept on stepping closer, causing you to swallow a lump. Palms sweating at the amount of dread this being had bestowed upon you, just by being here for a few seconds. His footsteps resonates through the entire space. “I am just here to take something.”

The best course of action would have been to run or just try to get as far away from him as possible.

Even though you might have not been a sorcerer, still you had known enough from your friend about the curse that resided within him. And you knew, Sukuna Ryomen was no good news.

Even if Yuji hadn’t told you about the spirit within him, you knew something was wrong from the last time you met him. Whether it was the omnious aura that radiated from your friend or the spine chilling sensation that you were being watched by some unworldly creature when with him. Simply to say, it was terrorizing.

You gulped staying rooted in the spot, frozen in fear as Sukuna inched closer to you. “I don’t have anything for you.” You tried to put on a brave facade, yet the quiver in your voice and the ragged breathing incited a snort from the monster in front.

“That’s where you go wrong, dear.” It was almost mocking on how he used the nickname. “You just have what I want, and I am going to take it.”

Your terrified expression only fuels his desire for you. Its been too long and you are just too perfect to not quench the thirst gnawing at him. The moonlight did nothing but add onto the radiance of your hypnotic features. Your neck and shoulders, illuminated by the silver light being casted from the heavenly body.

So radiant… so perfect…

It was like the Gods had just created you for him. To be undone by his hands, to quench his thirst, to dissipate his prolonged hunger.

How many centuries has it been since he had such an untouched maiden before him? Just the thought of having you beneath him, painting you in his hues that you have never known only made him shudder with excitement.

And just before the adrenaline could take action, Sukuna gripped your arm; it being tight enough to leave bruises. He pulled you close to himself, his sharp nails digging into your skin.

The piercing scream on the verge of your lips was shunned out as he leaned and pressed his lips to yours. His other hand gripping the back of your head, pushing you closer to him.

As much as you wriggled in his death grip; it was futile. Sukuna was far stronger than you could ever be. Scorned by lust and the desire to quench this insatiable hunger, his sense of rationality was thrown away. Or did he even have one to begin with?

He bit down your lower lip – drawing your blood. He licked it up, letting the metallic taste fill his mouth. You grunted and hit his chest repeatedly, as if that would stop him from fulfilling his desire.

Your screams were muffled as he continued to bestow his brutality over your mouth.

He pulled you back by your hair, exposing your delicious neck to him to feast on. The man didn’t wait a second before letting his fangs dug into your flesh. You let out a screech, squirming in his hold and kicking on his legs to just get away. A loud malicious laughter filled your ears, the stinging pain of him biting down on your neck grew almost overbearing.

The corners of Sukuna’s lips curled up, the sight of your neck was a sight to behold. The blood oozing from the bruises, almost matched the color of his iries.

“Ah- such a view…” He mumbled, his conscience getting clouded from the bloodied mess he had created your neck to be.

“No, stop! Get away.”

Screams of horror and anguish escaped your lips, the pleas of help and pain falling onto deaf ears. The moisture slid down your cheeks and to your jaw as he roughly pushed you down on the concrete floor. Your head slammed down hard, blood trickling down your head to your nape. Your vision blurred as you saw your captor descend on top of your injured body.

“No,” You shouted, the attempt at shielding yourself with your hands that had him snicker at your pitiful state. In a second, both of your wrists were in his grasp, pinning them above your head. “No, stop.”

“Please, stop,” You sobbed, taking in a sharp breath

“Don’t fight it, doll,” The evident taunt in his voice wasn’t missed besides the nickname used had a shiver run down your spine. He pressed his knee over your clothed core while you frantically kicked your legs to save yourself from this torment. He leaned down near your face, relishing on the terror residing in your eyes.

He pulled your head up by your neck, his claws grazing over your delicate skin before he slammed you down again. And again and again. The concrete was drenched with your blood. And you wished the pain shooting down your body would be enough for you to lose consciousness. But this night wasn’t for your wishes.

You shook your head, tears rolling down your pretty eyes – ah, what a beautiful sight. The groans of pain accompanied by the delicious tears ignited his arousal. Your pleas and begs fell on deaf ears and you gasped when he took your earlobe between his teeth.

“It won’t hurt…” Your chest rose up and down as you gritted your teeth with disgust, tilting your jaw to the side.

“Only if you stop resisting.”

One of the corners of his lips curled up, “If you don’t…” He paused, trailing his tongue on the side of your neck. He held your throat, pressing his thumb on your wind pipe, “You won’t like what will happen.”

The conditions and choice laid before you, crystal clear. Either submit to his sadistic whims or he’ll force you into submission. One worse than another yet the outcome of both the choices would be same – loss of your dignity. Just the mere thought of the impending doom had your gut twisting with fear. Protesting against his desires did nothing but brought bruises upon you until then. The dried blood on your lips and neck served as proof. Your head was already dizzy from the previous repeated assault. You could only hope that submission would be a better approach.

Setting aside your pride, you reluctantly relaxed in his grasp.

“Good choice.”

His eyes held amusement, pulling your face up, his mouth latched on yours. Tongue invading and exploring each corner while you tried to stop the whimpers. His grip tightened on your wrists, causing you to wince in pain. Any more pressure and you were sure, your wrists would snap in two.

“Pl-please, it hurts… st-stop.”

He raised an eyebrow, squeezing your wrist tighter, “Does it now?” He soon got his answer as you winced in pain again, an audible yelp escaping your mouth.

“Say, doll,” He continued. “If I let go off you now, you wouldn’t try anything stupid, right?”

Too paralyzed by fear and the sting in your wrists held you incapable of answering. You could only nod as a response and so you did.

Sukuna frowned. He asked you a question and you dare not answer him? He reached for your jaw again, nails leaving crescent moon shapes on your skin. “Use your words, you dumb bitch.” He jerked your face, “I want to hear that sweet voice of yours.”

He inserted his forefinger and thumb on the gap of your mouth, pinching your tongue. “Or, do you want me to shut you up forever?”

You shook your head, managing to croak out, “No.”

“No what?”

“No,” You paused, looking into his eyes which held nothing but coldness. “No… I wouldn’t try anything stupid.”

He smirked as he released his grip from your wrists and jaw, “Good girl.” His nails began to grown into sharp dark claws. In a swift motion, your shirt was ripped from your body. The tattered fabric thrown away, as he glided the claw of his forefinger through your abdomen. The jitter down your spine wasn’t unnoticed but Sukuna was too mesmerized by the perfect form under him to mind it. Hooking his finger under the mid-section of your brassier, he pulled away the last clothing covering your bosom.

You flinched as the cool night air hit your bare skin, hardening your buds. You couldn’t help but close your eyes shut as the moon glinted through Sukuna’s red irises.

He had no care for your reactions, soon he took one of your breast in hand, as he pinched the bud of another eliciting a painful moan from you. He rolled and pinched them between his fingers as you gritted your teeth.

You were disgusted. Disgusted that he was tormenting you like this. Disgusted at yourself that you were helpless; you couldn’t escape him. And disgusted that you could feel the heat pooling in your core.

You gasped as you felt his tongue lick a line over your breast, he held in hand. And soon his mouth latched onto it. He sucked and licked your sensitive area. You had to bite down your bruised lips to stop the sounds yet it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough when his teeth grazed over the darkened skin of your bosom; you let out a whine. He groped your other breast as his free hand trailed down over to your core. His fingers dug inside the waistline of your skirt.

Sukuna couldn’t help but smirk as he felt the wetness on your panties. Pulling away from you, he licked his lips. “Ah- look at that, all that defiance still you’re so wet, doll.”

Your eyes opened wide, you parted your lips to retort but there wasn’t one in the first place. Silence was your only answer. This wasn’t supposed to happen. You didn’t like it one bit, there were no joy for your body to react this way. Then why?

With another move, your skirt and inner garment was shredded. A low squeal escaped your lips as your cheeks tinted red with shame. Sukuna chuckled, “Say it whore, you want it as much, right?”

“N-no, I-” You screeched, as his claws dug into your thighs. Blood leaking from the cuts as he applied more pressure.

“What was that? A no, was it?” His voice echoed in your ears, his eyes dripping with malice and even when there was a smile in his face, you knew it was far from a genuine one.

You frantically shook your head, “No, I- I am sorry.” You apologized repeatedly, breaking your words in between. “Please… I didn’t m-mean to, I am sorry.”

“Sorry won’t fix shit, doll.” Just like that, the claws on his fingers again shorten up to nails. Two fingers run over the wetness of your slit, coating them in the warmth of your arousal. Tears spring up to your eyes as he pushed both of the digits inside, earning a loud moan from you as those drops slid down yours eyes.

“Look at you crying like a pathetic whore,” He cackled as he increased the pace of his fingers, hitting on the bundle of nerves inside you. “How utterly pitiful,” He remarked, a smirk formed on his lips as he saw the tears glide down your eyes. They did nothing but urge him to go more as he crossed both the fingers in a V, stretching you more.

“Just like a dumb bitch.” He mused, “A good for nothing, fuckdoll, that’s what you’re, right?”

Your hips buckled as a knot formed in your stomach, and you could feel your release close by. You writhed under his cruel ministrations, your body reacting in ways you didn’t wish at all.

“Hold it,” He ordered as he felt your insides clamp on his fingers. You pressed your lips in a thin line, biting on them. Your nails digging on the rough concrete you laid on.

“If you want to cum, fucking beg for it like a slut.”

You hated it, hated each second of it. Still you couldn’t decipher why there was a rush of heat to your aching core when he called with such a degrading name. You wondered whether you had gone insane to find pleasure in being handled such a way.

“Go on, slut,” He cooed at you, pressing his thumb on your clitoris. “Beg for it, beg me to make you cum.”

Your throat went dry and as if on autopilot, the cursed words left your lips, “Please, let me cum, Sukuna.” Your hips jerked towards him to maximize the friction. “Please.”

Sukuna grinned. Its victory – his victory. He relished each moment of how it was him, only him who had you writhing and begging under him.

“Cum.”

Your hips buckled again as you arched your back, releasing the pent up tension on his fingers. God forbid, if you hadn’t ever thought about killing yourself before. You did then. You wished for nothing but to die. Either by his hands or you’d kill yourself on your own. The humiliation of giving into his whims elicited a painful sobs from you.

What curse befell you? What have you ever done to deserve this? Why were you being subjected to this torment? Why does this night seem to not end?

He pulled out his fingers, rubbing them together as he watched the sticky liquid glide down his palm. For a second, the malicious smile remained on his face. The next, he frowned.

No. Not enough. It wasn’t enough.

He wiped his hands on the torn fabric of what remained of your skirt. But you were too far down the road of self-depreciation to care. The only sound reverberating on your mind was your pleas as you wished for the God of death to descend and take you away with them. 

“Kill me,” The words left your lips before they could be stopped, but you didn’t care. He had you where he wanted, he got what he wanted. He wanted you to plead, you’d plead before him. “Please, kill me… please.”

He raised an eyebrow at the sudden shower of requests. “Now, why would I do that, doll?”

“Just,” You paused, your eyes held nothing but desperation. “Do it, kill me, please.” You saw how his lips twisted into a grimace, his eyes locked on yours.

 “Please, just kill me,” You begged again, shutting your eyes close as you leaned your head on the bloodied concrete. You heard ruffling and just when you thought your wish would be answered, it wasn’t.

Perhaps, you had forgotten this night wasn’t for you.

To have someone begging for death wasn’t new to him. Normally, he’d kill them after they were done serving their purpose. But it was you. And heavens, he had taken quite a liking to you. Killing you so soon, would be futile. Besides, he still wasn’t done with you.

He clamped your mouth shut with his palm as he pressed the tip of his hardened member on your entrance. The tightness he felt on his fingers, previously, gave way to the fact of your lack of experience. In simple words – your intact virginity. He expected nothing less than a maiden like you. How pitiful, your preserved innocence was to be shredded by him.

Your body tenses immediately as he drives his hips forward, the hand over your mouth tightened; muffling all the screams that were ready to escaped. Just like that, the last straw of yourself, of the girl you once were was destroyed.

Your eyes opened wide, you shook your head as your lower body burnt in searing pain. Like hot lava poured on you, you kicked your legs but it only amplified the awful stinging between your thighs.

Sukuna watched the blood drip down you, he pushed his hips forward hitting you on the deepest parts. He pulled away again before pushing back in with equal force. Each thrust deeper and painful from the other. His nails dug into your hips as he pulled you towards himself, throwing your legs over his shoulder he continued this brutal torment. Revelling on the terror stricken expression that plagued your eyes.

Warm tears slid down your cheeks to your jaw as the agony never let go.

Which pain hurt more?

The one he was inflicting on you? Or the one you inflicted on yourself when the pain started to contort in form of pleasure?

Sukuna wasn’t new to the concept of coupling. For in the Heian era, he had women spreading their legs for him at his command. He was aware of every strings he had to pull to make the session a memorable one. Though he never cared for his partners pleasures except his own, this time he thought something different. For being so wondrous and good to him, you deserved some reward.

His free hand went down as he rubbed circles over your clitoris. Thrusting hard into you, each grunt filled with unbridled pleasure as your inner muscle walls tightened around him.

This wasn’t right. Not at all. Finding ecstasy under this vile monster was sick. And yet you reacted on ways you didn’t want at all. You hated how your hips jerked forward on their own and how instead of screaming, those sounds were of pleasurable moans. To find pleasure in unwanted act – you must be sick. Twisted even. Insane to mark the more.

Sukuna could feel himself twitch as your walls tightened around him. He let out a snicker as his hand went up to pinch and grope your breast. The high end was near, he could feel it. Not just for him but for you too.

“What is it, whore? Want to cum again?” He urged, squeezing your breast. The contortion of your face left him over the edge as he let out a low grunt. He scoffed, “Look at you, squirming like a pathetic bitch in heat.”

He thrusted forward, increasing his pace as he hit your cervix repeatedly. You twisted your upper body, your fingers bloodied with the broken nails and pierced skin as they dug into the hard floor.

“If you want to cum, then cum.”

You didn’t even know, you were waiting for his permission but when he gave it – your body spasmed as your back arched and you felt your high washing over. You released with him buried deep inside you and soon after a few violent thrusts, he emptied himself inside you.

Your eyes widened, your mouth open wide as the gush of fluids had you nauseous. You looked up into his eyes which held satisfaction. Satisfaction of getting rid of the frustration but that overshadowed by the satisfaction of defiling you.

You were wrong. This night wasn’t for him, it was for you.

Each and everything that went down tonight was solely for you.

The look in his eyes terrified you. No, it wasn’t the look of a killer, he wouldn’t kill you; you were sure of that. But it was the very look of not killing you that terrified you. It was the realization that your life wouldn’t end by his hands that was terrifying.

Death now seemed to be a better option than anything.

You looked up at the sky, the full moon casting its silver hues on the monster above you. A sob left your lips as he pulled away from you. Your chest rumbled with despair as you were left nothing but a crying mess under that celestial body.

For you knew, it witnessed the monstrosity that went down tonight.

Till now, the moon reminded you of a silent companion for it knew all about you. It did still. But from hence now, looking at that heavenly body would do nothing but remind you of this night. Remind you of your lost purity.

Just like the tattered clothes on your body, your innocence was ripped apart. Destroyed.

You knew you’d never be able to go back to what you once were. This night will haunt you like a ghost in the dark. No amount of assurances, comforts or anything else would be enough to erase this incident. It’d be etched in your mind till the day you die and with that Sukuna’s name will be forever be imprinted in your life.

You could wash off the blood and other liquids but you could never remove his touch.

Why were you here? Why did it happen? Why did it have to be you?

If only you weren’t here. If only you’d stayed in like your parents asked. If only you didn’t love the moon…

Sukuna gazed at you with a bored expression as you drowned in the depths of despair and agony. He clicked his tongue as he wiped himself off on the remnants of your clothes before settling his clothes properly.

All of a sudden, a sting ran through his head. He smirked at that. He licked his lips as he spared you a last glance.

“Enjoy the sight, brat.”

His body relaxed for a second, the marks disappearing from his frame. Red eyes converted to brown as the extra pair of eyes turned to scars.

You, his middle school friend, were lying before him. Dried blood splayed across your body, scratches and bite marks over your chest and neck and a pool of blood under your head. The glistening sweat on his body as well as yours put the puzzle pieces in place. If that wasn’t enough, Yuji’s eyes widened with horror as all the memories from Sukuna’s mind rushed in his.

He could hear your screams and cries all at once when Sukuna left his very mark on you. It was there for a second when all the noise was ringing in his ears but the next, only the ragged breathing of the victim and the perpetrator’s alter ego was heard.

Yuji glanced down at his hands.

Why wasn't he dead yet?

#sukuna x reader #sukuna ryomen x reader #sukuna ryomen #sukuna #sukuna jjk #sukuna smut #sukuna angst #jjk smut #jjk x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #sukuna jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x you #sukuna x you #sukuna x y/n #ryomen sukuna #sukuna ryomen smut #jjk x you

[zairene]

AS A BOYFRIEND osamu dazai

* ˚ ✦ synopsis: how osamu dazai would be as a significant other.

* ˚ ✦ genre: headcanons !

* ˚ ✦ warnings: not spoiler free + mentions character death in anime + mentions of suicide.

* ˚ ✦ author’s note: my first BSD post !! enjoy the new content! <333 ( also, i did try to take a more canon approach to this just so i could practice characterization ! feel free to critique anything or give some feedback in general ! )

the famous osamu dazai. a young man who’s enemies shouldn’t be exactly proud that they are his enemies. a man who has too many tricks up his sleeves, and always seems to manage to get himself out of the stickiest of situations. a man with convoluted emotions that no one could ever quite understand, except for his closest late friend sakunosuke oda.

but even in the darkest of moments, dazai still has a lighthearted side to him despite the enigmatic façade he keeps all the time. due to his past, i could find it very difficult for him to fully commit to anyone exclusively.

not saying he would sleep around a lot or have a significant amount of women on his roster, but due to his job and the way he views humanity and what it means to be alive. dazai finds little to no joy in living—so why would he even try a romantic relationship?

so, in these terms, you were not an exception.

at first, he viewed you as this beautiful girl he could finally do a double suicide with. after being the third woman to join the armed detective agency, he never really attempted to hide himself from you. so you saw all of his unwillingness to live very quickly and admittedly it made you a lot less attracted to him.

yes, he may have had the looks but his personality was an entire red flag for you. he never liked talking about himself or his past. he doesn’t open up. he’s serious, but not in the way you would want him to be with you. he’s serious about his job, he’s serious about the armed detective agency, and he’s serious about the relationships he has with the people around him.

but he was never serious about himself.

he knew this and never noticed how many people cared about him. but that’s not his fault, especially since being in the port mafia has extremely distorted his morality.

and over time, you learned to accept this side of him. you learned that you could never truly understand the mind of osamu dazai unless he decides to have that conversation with you.

after a plethora of missions alongside dazai, you did notice your growing feelings for him. the charming and overly dramatic side of him paralleled with an excessive amount of wisdom that grew on you. dazai knew his way with his words, and did he maybe try to woo you here and there? of course.

dazai was no fool, he knew about your feelings for him. he found himself also feeling the same but wasn’t sure how to express them. this feeling was somewhat unfamiliar. he knew how it felt to have feelings for someone but to also want to have a romantic relationship with them? he was stuck.

he was scared. he didn’t want to get you, someone he cared about, to get wrapped up in his business. for his enemies to become yours, and for you to fall victim to their wrath. causing dazai to lose someone else that gave him a reason to keep living.

so a lot of your interactions, before getting together, consisted of you blatantly flirting with each other during work or just in general.

but when you both finally decided to give things a shot, boy did that change things for both of you and the agency in general.

you both were a secret at first. it was obvious you both had something going on but no one had gotten a confirmation so no one assumed. this was all stopped when atsushi, of all people, walked into the office hallway at the wrong time.

there were you and dazai, having the most heated makeout session ever. atsushi was for one, a little traumatized, he’s never seen dazai in this way nor did he ever predict he would. he stood in silence while the both of you were frantically trying to fix yourself as if he didn’t stumble upon the whole scene. atsushi was at a loss for words. “i’m-i’m… just gon—gonna…” he bolted out of the office after he just came to the conclusion he was not gonna be able to talk to you after seeing that.

safe to say that he looked neither of you in the eye for about a week. but best believe he did blurt it out randomly on a quiet day in the office, and that’s how news spread. y/n and dazai are officially dating!

now, onto the actual relationship and not the buildup.

fresh into it, things didn’t change. besides the fact you both had exchanged numbers by then and you could see him outside of work and at your home as well. you both still had the same dumb arguments as you had before but with a heavy amount of tension this time.

once you both get comfortable, PDA is your fucking thing. sitting on his lap while he worked or him always having his arm wrapped around your shoulder or waist. you could say he was doing all of this just to spite kunikida! he was.

dazai is romantic when he puts the effort in. some of your dates are followed with a nice candlelit dinner in an extremely fancy restaurant, or just you or him going to one another’s place just to feel each other’s presence.

there was versatility, and you liked that.

you began to see more of a vulnerable side of dazai as time went on. he started to share more of his life piece by piece to you. you were patient with him, and he appreciated that. he never goes into explicit detail about every little thing about himself, but you can tell he’s trying to change for you as his love for you blossoms into something he never thought could be possible for him.

you both still have your disagreements here and there, and arguments with him are extremely painful. they aren’t rare but they aren’t common either. most of the time it is just petty arguments, just a few minutes of bickering, and dazai is already attached to your hip smothering you with kisses just to show how sorry he is.

painful arguments consist of the both of you not talking for days on end. having to see each other at work made it even more difficult, and when you both weren’t talking, yosano is always coming up to you because it is obvious something is wrong between you too. you reassure her things will be fine and you still love him all the same.

making up with dazai is surprisingly easy. the no communication stage isn’t, but once you both have had time to calm down and think about the situation, he is more than capable of having a mature conversation with you and mending things.

osamu dazai is not the perfect boyfriend, but he isn’t a bad one either. he is someone who would come with a lot of baggage and patience—learning that he’s not someone who easily communicates his feelings and would rather keep up the mysterious act to the grave. nonetheless, dazai is trying. he’s attempting to change and seems a lot healthier these days ever since he’s been with you. things are positive overall, but this also includes your cooperation and being able to handle him as a person and not just as a boyfriend.

(📦) — BUNGOU STRAY DOGS TAGLIST // n/a . . .

(📝) — TAGLIST FORM :: sign to be apart of the taglist!

#✏️ :: — fanfiction ! #bungou stray dogs fanfiction #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader #dazai x reader #dazai x fem reader #dazai osamu x reader #dazai osamu x fem reader #osamu dazai x reader #dazai fluff #osamu dazai fluff

[briars-castle]

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚ : Beast dazai ᡣ𐭩 Reader : ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

₊˚ෆ ` maybe in another life, my love ` ෆ˚₊

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ please reblog and request to support creators ˖ ݁𖥔 .

𖦹⋆｡˚⋆ฺ⋆ suicide , pregnancy , fem reader ⋆ฺ⋆˚｡⋆𖦹

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁ .

" darling? What’s bothering you tonight? " you say as you watch your lover from the doorframe of his office - he was looking through the windows, there was an air of melancholy that hung through like a thick fog, you couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was though so you just assumed he was being melodramatic.

" hmm? - ah, it’s just you. " dazai spoke solemnly, although he never did turn around. He just kept staring, into nothing - maybe a few clouds but there was nothing particularly interesting out there either, just a few cars and a couples of buildings.

you had a little bag with you - you were waiting to surprise him, you were smiling and everything . . . Yet he wouldn’t look at you, he just looked outside. Usually he was all over you but today he seemed like he wanted to be alone. you sat the bag on his desk, about to leave him for a moment - you hoped he would open it whenever he sat down out of curiosity.

" darling? Is something wrong? . . . I can come in later if you wish - there is a surprise at your desk waiting . . . " you said, he didn’t answer yet either - it perplexed you at the time . . . you felt like he was about to say something - but then he paused and just nodded his head.

" . . . I’ll open it later . . . " he said, he didn’t wish to scare you - and he didn’t wish to scare you or make you cry . . . or that you would stop him. so he never said a word, he did want to leave you with one last thought before he fell from grace.

you didn’t understand any of this at the time, you were completely and utterly unaware - unaware of the signs and the consequences of being so blissfully blind of them. now you knew though - all too well even.

" (y/n)? honey? are you still there? " he called out, he was always one for flowery words and lovey - dovies, but he wished to outdo himself . . . one last time, like a promise at his lips with one mission - a mission you wouldn’t know of until late that night - as he took one deep breath he turned around, he had a gentle smile on his face - usually he wasn’t so quiet, playing pranks or just teasing you.

Before you could even ask what in the world he was being so quiet about - you saw him move from the window, sweeping you off your feet as you gasped in surprise. his hand supporting you at the small of your back as he holds you against him - dipping you as his lips met yours, he held you and supported you in his bandaged arms. pulling away breathlessly as he cupped your face.

“ if i had to choose between being with you and ever seeing the daylight ever again . . . I would stay by your side, knowing that everytime im with you the sun shines through the darkness of the night and into my heart. No matter how cold it is . . . i love you more than i love the entire world darling, I could never see myself with another who isnt you - they could simply never shine as bright nor could they ever make me as soft as you have seemed to. I would tear the entire port mafia down with my bare hands if it meant anything at all to you, i love you more than it should be possible to love, more beautiful and brilliant than any poet or philosopher has written, more tender and loyal than any knight or soldier, more precious than any jewel . . . The thing about my love for you, is that it's like a painting. . . the words I use can never describe all of the colors that my heart paints for you." 

your breath was caught in your throat, you didnt even know what to say to that - he had that way of making you breathless but when you tried to reply he just shushed you.

" shhhh . . . sh . . . shhh . . . Lovely, i have a meeting with the slug soon, i really need to take a few minutes to compose myself for how mean he’s going to be! He’s going to yell at me the whole time like a disobedient dog, it will be rather unpleasant for you to witness - you need to go back to work . . . i’ll check out the gift in a moment, okay? " he pressed a finger to your lips and lead you out the door.

you really didn’t want to leave - you wanted to see his reaction to the gift he would receive, the little gift bag held something so so precious- something he would have to care about. it was a positive pregnancy test, two lines of truth. - but you didn’t want to press his boundaries when he needed this much alone time . . . So you left, expecting a call from his work phone relatively soon.

but it never did come.

It was late when Atsushi had called you, it wasn’t entirely uncommon that Dazai would usually have to stay around late for unexpected meetings, but there was something different about this call - you had been on edge all night, you thought it was just jitters at the moment because of the anticipation of his call and hearing his voice coo about the very tiny bundle in your stomach. not even the size of a jellybean right now.

you had picked up the phone in a hurry - expecting to hear Dazais voice . . . only to be greeted with another.

" miss (y/n)? . . . I’m so, so sorry . . . " you heard the young man’s voice speak in a cracked voice and you didn’t even have the time to ask what in heavens name he would be sorry about when he started to sob. he explained everything, no matter how hard it was to hear and how hard it was to say. He explained the fall, the motive and he explained that chuuya would be the new mafia boss - and then he asked you to help clean out Dazai office and everything belonging in it. keep the trinkets you wanted, same with the last boss . . . and the one before.

you dropped the phone to the floor when he said Dazai was dead - the screen cracked but it wasn’t as broken as your heart right now. You almost fell too, knees weak and you had to stabilize yourself on the countertop as you felt like the whole world came crashing down.

" - I . . . I’ll be there, I-i . . . you sobbed and cried, it all felt so gut wrenching and it almost felt like some sick joke. But you knew, deep within your soul you just knew it wasn’t.

" miss (y/n) . . . I can ask chuuya to help you carry things - I did a little bit of snooping in his office after . . . I’m so sorry, I could never imagine . . . " the white haired man would speak quietly though the phone, you blamed him for your lovers death almost . . . You knew it wasn’t right - it didn’t even feel right, but you needed something to blame . . . Maybe yourself. If you noticed before - you would have begged him to stay. maybe he would have stayed. No, now you know why he didn’t. He didn’t want to stay - obviously. so he didn’t want you to waist your breath on it.

you hung up the phone - not wishing for anyone to hear you cry . . . but you heard the knock at the door twenty minutes later - you composed yourself, collected yourself so you would look strong when you felt so hopeless and alone . . . the earth itself felt as if it were breaking with your heart and the sky rained as if heaven mourned as well.

you opened the door to see the slug — erm, I mean Dazais dog — uhmmm . . . Chuuya at the door, he looked fairly composed and he had a box with everything in dazais office in it - it wasn’t a lot, he was never much for keepsake. Most of it just a few rolls of bandages with a framed picture of him and chuuya and the two of you together . . . and . . . His scarf, the bag with the test - and a waxed letter.

" . . . " chuuya said nothing as he sat the box by the doorway, processing to fiddle with the edge of his suit, fingers fidgeting against the nice stitching that embroidered the edges - it was awkward . . . More than that it was lonely - Chuuya was lovely, sure but you would trade everything for him to just say surprise and for it all to be a joke. . . It wasn’t, though. . .

tears dripping as you picked up dazais scarf, the black coat folded neatly underneath. Crying into his scarf as chuuya gave you an awkward hug . . . He didn’t know what to say, nobody did - it was all so . . . fast.

" tha - thank you for bringing me his things - i need so-some alone time now . . . " you choked on sobs as chuuya nodded and said his goodbyes, walking out. Leaving you to lay against the door with a sob as you cradled to scarf against your face, you cried and sobbed . . . You couldn’t even bring yourself to open the wax sealed letter, yet.

you stayed like that until dawn, you basically had to force yourself to crawl into bed, using his jacket and scarf as a blanket - the smell of the whiskey and his musky cologne were all that remained of him, well . . . That and the creation of your love in your tummy - it was a bit of both of you, it took two to tango and it was the only thing now you had left to cling to him. Even if it would be hard or painful, the baby was hardly even anything yet, just a clump of cells and it didn’t even have a heartbeat yet . . . You knew it was pathetic. But you were attached, it would be a baby soon if you kept it, maybe if you were lucky it would be smart like your osamu, so you decided to keep it.

The wax letter was still on your nightstand . . . you brought it over to yourself, wiping your tears as you carefully undid the wax, hoping to preserve it . . . reading a letter from a dead man is strange - you know you can never write back, and yet you never wish to write anything else. It’s even stranger when it’s the love of your life. never another kiss, a hug, a little wink when you both know a secret between the two of you, never another night of cuddles and comfort within each others embrace . . . never another ‘I love you’ . .

you opened your eyes once more, sitting up and turning on your phones flash to read everything - memorize every detail, every comma every swirl in his cursive and every sentence.

` my dearest and most beautiful love, `

how am I to ever start this letter? How am I to even go about this? I would like to start off with one thing at a time - just to unpack everything, I hope that’s enough to ask. I know it feels like nothing will ever be okay again, but it can and it will. I know you might even be angry at me, I would be too. I wish I could have stayed longer - in truth your the only one who could have ever made me wish to be alive, your the only one I would have lived for. And I love you more than anything, do realise that. But this is one of the only universes where oda is alive - I believe i told you this, no? - In order to keep it that way I need to martyr myself. I know it seems like the words I said of love are cruel and maybe even tasteless by now, but never doubt that they are true. I do love you and even beyond the grave I will continue to. I saw the test, love - I’m sorry I didn’t call but if I did it would have held me back. I would have wanted to stay, I would have wanted to stay with you if I held you in that hell - sent office for a moment longer. And I know you may or may not decide to keep it and I know I don’t deserve it - but if it’s a girl . . I really like the name Tomie, Tomie Dazai has a nice ring to it if you decide to use my last name - Will you do that for me?. know it will be hard being alone for now - I sent chuuya to look out for you, he’s a tad clueless when it comes to you but he’s fairly intelligent and I’m sure he will figure it out quickly. — maybe in another life, my love. Maybe we could have had it another way where it would be me and you. `

` —sending all my heart and then some more , your osamu.`

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁ .

🏷️

@ruified @rusmii @sproutzai @saelique @atlasnessie @riiwrites

#⋆˙⟡˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ୨୧ #dazai #osamu dazai x reader #bsd dazai #dazai osamu x reader #dazai x reader #osamu dazai #dazai osamu #bungou stray dogs dazai #chuuya nakahara #Beast #bungo stray dogs beast #beast osamu dazai x reader #Beast dazai #bsd beast #bungou stray dogs beast

[justcallmesakira]

"All pickup lines are taken, can I pick you up?~

Sypnosis: Whats better then flirting with your own lover by shocking him with the most flabbergasting pickup line?

Genre: Lowkey crack, a bit suggestive?

Pairings: Dazai x reader

A/N: this was so fun especially since this was a short drabble💗💗💗guys read it again if you already read it I made slight changes

Today was probably the quietest day in the agency especially since dazai was somehow in a calm mood today. Though it's a very rare possibility of dazais shenanigans to not be on display, everyone was doing their work.

Dazai was leaning against a wall probably thinking of some suicide method in that brain of his. Only God knew what goes on in that big brain of his.

You came marching over to the office with a cheeky grin on yourself which immediately made ranpo jolt up from his seat with a shocked look on his face... Oh boy what did he deduce....

"Helloooo~ donna'! How was your da-" Before dazai could speak the whole of your arm was right beside him with your knee bend down beside his pair of daddy long legs which immediately made his eyes widen in shock.

Only silence in the agency could be heard for a few seconds before everyone's eyes switch to you pining the bandaged man to him.

"I'd love to take you to the movies but they don't let you bring your own snacks" you spit out with a grinding face which makes dazai brain a long time to process what in the rizz lord did you say.

Oh ho ho, you didn't stop there

"By the way, Dazai have we met before? Because you look like my next husband"

you winked at dazai with the most nasty eye, the type of expression which any boy would give to a girl.

Yosano was sighing with ranpo beside her giving them the nastiest eye anyone in the room could give. Atsushi was beyond flustered by your bold move, good thing kenji and kyouka went on a playda-- I mean mission.

Kunikida was simply shocked because of his no pda rule.

Dazai's senses finally came back which made him snicker. "my my, belladonna, trying to be dominating now are we, Though the thought of sliding a ring on your empty finger isn't a bad idea" He really had the audacity to tease you and grin at you while he's the one being pushed against the wall like a poster.

Your little interaction was interrupted when Kunikida came raging towards you two with a file in his hands, hitting the both of you harshly and giving you two a quick scold.

Deep inside though, dazais heartbeat really fastened though that even he couldn't code it down.

A/N: idk if I should do more well written parts....

Divider creds: @cafekitsune

#bungou stray dogs #Bsd fanfic #Bsd x reader #Rizz #Pickup lines #dazai x reader #Bsd drabbles #Short fic #coming soon <3 #More

[elizais]

your version of poodle

bsd x fem!reader!! summary if you don't want to watch the video: you and __ have a random word that you use to confirm whether the other is telling the truth or not to make the other happy/quietly tell the other you love them. warnings: suicide mention (dazai) includes: dazai, chuuya, akutagawa, kunikida, jouno

osamu dazai, "citrus"

you had to go on a mission for the agency, you had to go undercover at a party. you had a specific dress to wear that had a microphone in it so that the detectives could gather the information from you. yosano was doing the back of your hair whilst you done your makeup at your desk. not the best studio, but it would do. and osamu loved watching.

everyone was discussing the mission, some people (ranpo) jealous of the food you had freedom to and all you really had to do was sneak into some conversations.

standing up after your hair and makeup was finished, you smoothed out your dress and walked over to the mirror. turning a wall to face the mirror, grimacing behind the wall the separated you from their conversation, you didn't see osamu sneak a glance and quickly walk back to his desk. you walked back plastering a smile on your face although you didn't feel your best, and grabbed your bag as everyone wished you luck.

osamu walked over as you grabbed a few things from your desk and put them in, he stroked your shoulder lightly before saying " you look gorgeous, bella. " trying to assure you of that fact. "citrus?" you asked. "citrus." he smiled.

"what's citrus?" atsushi asked dazai as you left, speaking for everyone as dazai explained with a chuckle. "it just means you have to be telling the truth."

"why citrus?" kunikida followed up. "oh! well one night we were watching a movie and someone said something about commiting suicide from citric acid, i contemplated trying it and i forgot that it's basically just orange juice." he shrugged with a smirk.

chuuya nakahara, "fedora"

you were both sat in the same executives meeting discussing last month's faults and then it came to the section that you controlled. "y/n, what exactly went wrong in that mission?"

mori asked as you sighed, remembering that mission when you had to turn back from the enemy with your most feared group. the mission that was meant to be a straight success.

"they had an ability that countered most of ours, the safest thing to do was to turn back. " you explained. "are you certain?" the boss pried.

"i'm absolutely certain, chuuya, don't you agree? you read the mission overview." you responded more agitated than before, trying to get help so that mori doesn't kill you then and there. "yes sir, fedora." chuuya agreed with you but realised the word he had used when you started laughing.

the word only you two knew the meaning of.

"what does fedora mean?" mori grilled. laughing, you explained the origin of what fedora meant to you both and how it came from chuuya claiming he would never lie about a hat. somehow, you both got out of the tough situation mori put you in.

ryunosuke akutagawa, "rash"

ryunosuke was not one for affection or pda, and you were perfectly okay with that fact. so, how you came up with a word showing how much you love each other was like this:

when you first heard him talk about rashomon, it was when you had first met him and you were just listening in to conversations as you walked along port mafia corridors. you had innocently thought that he said "rash of mine" and thought nothing of it.

but then once you and ryu became closer months later yet not anything official, you were talking one night and messing around with your abilities. when he called out rashomon, you couldn't help but be overcome by giggles.

looking at you confused, he couldn't ask what is funny before you turn to him and realise you never told him. "when,," you giggle "i once heard you talking about rash-" you giggle again.. taking a deep breath in "i thought rashomon was called 'rash of mine' for a couple weeks."

so after you both hung out more and became something more, your small way of showing that you love one another when neither of you were too keen on pda was a quiet whisper of "rash" or a squeeze of the other's forearm. you could both agree your favourite part of this secret language was that you were the only ones who could speak it.

doppo kunikida, "salmon"

this one is simple because doppo enjoys fishing. it became a thing when you were very early into the relationship and he took you fishing.

you weren't keen on fishing but you wanted to try it since it was something he liked. he took you to his favourite spot and you admired him as he spoke whilst fishing. and he caught one! a huge salmon..

you were so happy to be with him you forgot how much fish freaked you out, so when he shown you the monster of a fish he got you froze up. he saw you and immediately laughed whilst asking "do you want me to put it back, y/n?" and you nodded slowly in response.

so ever since, when he wasn't sure if you were sure on something and vice versa, a one word question was asked. "salmon?" "salmon." and when used in front of colleagues, to say it confused them to see (in dazai's words) "prime minister of meeting procedure land acting insane." would be an understatement.

saigiku jouno, "soy sauce"

whilst saigiku can tell when you are uncomfortable or lying from his heightened senses, so he didn't really have to call "soy sauce". but it is no secret he doesn't enjoy tecchou's habit of matching foods of the same colour together. so naturally when you found out about this pet peeve you just had to tease him about this!

but over time the phrase slowly evolved into whenever you aren't sure whether he was uncomfortable in a situation (which isn't often, he is very vocal about his likes and dislikes) you would just ask him, "soy sauce?" and a yes was simply that he was uncomfortable and a no was that he wasn't.

or when you saw him unusually stressed in the hunting dog's HQ, he heard you walking up by him and as he is another one who isn't overly fond of pda, a hushed "soy sauce" could be heard.

if tecchou ever heard your soy sauce thing, jouno would never admit what it means.

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #dazai osamu #bungou stray dogs x reader #dazai x reader #osamu dazai #port mafia #bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #armed detective agency #hunting dogs bsd #jouno saigiku #jouno x reader #bsd dazai #kunikida doppo #kunikida x reader #bsd kunikida #chuuya #chuuya nakahara #bsd chuuya #chuuya x reader #akutagawa ryuunosuke #bsd akutagawa #akutagawa x reader

[imagionationstation]

So here’s what went down…

Ah, yes.

The infamous “Splinter passes on the mantle of Sensei” scene.

Possibly the most misinterpreted scene in the history of 2012turtle scenes. (Perhaps I shall get to the others someday.)

I’ve always assumed that the verdict for this scene was the same for all, and I never knew people hated, or even disliked, Splinter for his choices in this until recently. And it has been eating away at me, because I don’t think ya’ll understand what’s going on here.

Maybe you do, but…

Can I point out exactly what I saw happen here?

Yeah?

Thanks. 🤎

1: Splinter is not sleeping and is ‘distant’, making Leo worried enough to inquire about his health. He’s clearly spending every second agonizing over what’s coming, and meditation is probably his only solace from the burden of his fears. (I do the same thing when I’m anxious. Distract and distance, it helps me feel a sense of- control, I guess.) 2: Splinter does not address Leo’s question. He’s already tried to tell Leo what was going on before this, and now he wants to focus on what he feels is important. His family. He immediately changes the subject (limping in a way that has me suddenly concerned because GUYS HE HURT AND OLD AND GOING TO FIGHT FOR HIS LIFE PLEASE NO-) and asks Leo why he made him leader. 3: Leo awkwardly repeats what he said, “Because I asked to be… You said it wasn’t because of my skills…” (THAT’S ONE INTENSE OF A WEIGHT TO CARRY IF YOU REALLY THINK ABOUT IT, THE HECK-) and Splinter corrects, “I said that only to temper your ego at the time. I knew even when you were a small boy, that you would one day grow up to be the leader of this team.” -Can I just add that he’s not saying this literally. He’s the cryptic, wise, know-it-all sensei. He’s not saying, “I planned to make you soldiers and for you to lead the fight”. He’s saying, “You have always been the one to teach, protect, and lead your brothers, and there was absolutely no one else as perfect for the job.”

Seriously. Lookit baby Leo guarding them while daddy’s away. 💙💙

4: And then he throws everyone watching through a loop: “And when I pass on, to be like a father as well.” And just like us, Leo’s got a whole lot of “EXCUSE ME, WHAT?!” going down.

5: But Splinter’s going stay his cryptic self by clearing no air. (Okay, but let’s think about WHY for a moment. We know our leader in blue by now. If Leo knew exactly what he knew, martyr instincts would kick in hard core, and he would do everything it takes to make sure their father survives. And Master Splinter isn’t going to sit here and let Leo go on a suicide quest. From his POV- He’s old. He’s lived his life. He can try to accept his own death. He will not accept Leo’s.)

6: Splinter imparts this saying that I love with everything in me. “Leonardo. If I can only impart one piece of wisdom that will remain with you forever…” (Ergo, Dude, this is Important. Pay attention to what Imma about to say) “Remember. Giving guidance to your brothers and friends does not come from here…”

“It comes from here…”

THIS IS DEEP, YO. IT SAYS SO MUCH AND IT’S SO SIMPLE-

And people are MAD AT HIM FOR THIS?!

Sorry, sorry- emotions. I’m breathing. I’m breeaaathing… Okay. Yes, I get the gist of the arguments. ‘Splinter made Leo head of the household and that was a terrible thing for him to do. Leo’s too young for that responsibility, he already has the weight of being leader on his shoulders, and that’s a burden his mourning heart can’t carry. It’s cruel for him to do such a thing.’

Or-

And-

@tmntforeverinmyheart and @stardustartist, everyone’s opinion is built off of observations, beliefs, and their own POV on events, and every opinion matters. Thank you for yours. 💚

Now onto mine-

I don’t know what this quote from Splinter means to you guys, but to me, it’s his way of trying to fix things!

I think he finally realized that he done messed up. He knows that he put Leo in a position of ‘I am leader, and mission always comes first’. He’s had plenty of time to see the damage he’s done, and he’s worried of what will come off his family if he doesn’t fix it.

Leo is too far into his head. He isn’t thinking with his heart- “what will happen to my family with me gone?”. He’s thinking with his head, “lives are at stake and I’m the leader- self sacrifice it is.”

Every mission, every step, every choice is a plan, and his life is simply a factor in it. A pawn to be thrown away to complete the important task. It doesn’t hold meaning because of what Splinter told him all the way back in season one, and his father is finally realizing it. (ABOUT FREAKING TIME-)

He’s not telling him “don’t think”.

He’s saying, “Think another way.”

I feel you, @sr200916. A friend of mine said this exact same thing, and I wholeheartedly agree. And here’s some depth into why.

Kids without parents attach themselves to role models. Mother figures, father figures- kids need to be guided, and led, and hugged, and need that one person who can say “it’s okay” and magically the world is a little less dark.

And they’re just. KIDS. They left the sewers three/four years ago! Everything is still so wide and new and confusing and there’s still so much they haven’t learned or experienced- they’re kids.

And yes. Leo is a kid too. But who else are they supposed to turn to?

Karai?

She’s not a parents. She’s gone from enemy, to somewhat friend, to sister-in-college-who-drops-by-sometimes. She’s living her own life. They aren’t going to see her as anything more than their equal. Much less look upon her as a guardian.

April and Casey?

Best friends/honorary siblings. They aren’t going to fit that role.

Mutanimals? Leatherhead? Bishop?

Friends. Equals. People that they trust. But not anyone that they’re immediately going to lean on as a guardian. They need someone who they already look up to and trust to lead and guide them. They need someone who already has their well-being as a number one priority. They need someone who they can feel comfortable going to talk to when he can’t be there to lend advice.

-And I know what some of you are still thinking. But what about Leo?! He’s just a kid too!

And, hey, I’m not arguing. He absolutely is, and in a perfect, fair world, he would continue to have an adult to teach and guide him- but their world is neither perfect nor fair.

All his life, he’s had two solid goals: Make sensei proud. Protect my brothers.

He’s seen as the most mature brother for a reason. He’s had to grow up in a world where finishing school and getting/keeping a job isn’t his main concern. For about three years, he’s spent every night making sure that his brothers stay alive. In fact, he starts doing it almost unconsciously- taking responsibility of his brothers and their missions without filling Splinter in, as shown in Annihilation: Earth! Part 1, when he’s laying out the plans, and Splinter straight up asks, “What is going on?” and Leo brushes him off, essentially just telling him that there’s trouble, but they have it covered.

Splinter is speechless for a moment, but then consents, telling Leo that he’ll be near the cheese phone if they need him.

This is a huge change if you really think about it, and done very subtley. They show us how their relationship has changed- Splinter no longer has the control to give the okay. Leo no longer feels like he needs Splinter guidance or permission. He’s grown up, and he’s leading with a firm hand, just as he was born to do.

And Leo also has experience raising his brothers- who do you think was acting sensei while they were in space?

Fugtoid was Donnie’s mentor, sure, but it was Leo who the brothers turned to when things got out of hand. It was Leo who had to talk sense into them, who always has the last word, who seemed on edge 24/7 as the season progressed, seeing the dangers space held and sending away his team when the evil space station was sent to go boom.

Whether fans like it or not, a leader, a sensei, is simply who Leo is.

There’s a reason he always gets heated and offended when he thinks his place is being challenged-

Leo thrives under that sense of control, and his brother thrive knowing that the control lies in someone else’s hands.

Now, with their father gone, it’ll lie in the hands of the brother that they trust with it most (whether Raph admits it or not) because he’s proven himself time and time again to be able to handle it.

Splinter isn’t stupid. He knows his boys. He knows exactly who Leo’s younger brothers are going to turn to after he’s gone for good this time, and he needs Leo to realize this too. Perhaps he hopes the burden will be easier to bear if it’s given slowly, instead of chucked out of nowhere.

Splinter was not purposefully ‘parentifying’ Leo. There’s a reason he waited so long. Maybe he was never going to say anything at all. Maybe he was struggling with the choice, and when Leo walked in to ask if he was okay, he made a last-minute decision.

Splinter knew it was going to happen. Leo was going to become head of the household, whether or not he said anything about it. It’s how their family dynamic always shapes out- there’s a reason the fans call Leo a mother hen!

It was always going to happen. So instead of standing by and letting fate play out, Splinter decided to interviene.

He wasn’t putting the burden on Leo’s shoulder. He was reassuring his son that he could handle it. He was giving advice on how to take care of his brothers. He was trying to help, not to hurt.

Obviously Leo is going to end up hurting. Obviously, it’s going to be hard. Obviously, it’s going to be a lot to adapt too. For Splinter’s sake- their father is going to die!

But his brothers will be there for him. He may be acting sensei, but we’re shown that they have his back. (Raph’s talk with Mikey on the rooftop is a very prominent piece of proof.)

Splinter knows that no one else can do the job better, and by voicing that he’s sensei, no one else should be able to take Leo’s family away from him. At the end of the day, as the eldest, he will be the one who bears the Hamato legacy (remember, Karai is busy shaping the Foot legacy anew), but unlike Yoshi, Leo will not be alone. He’ll have family and friends to back him up when things get difficult.

It’s a heavy title, but one that Leo is ready to carry.

Except… For one pretty major flaw. A flaw Splinter encouraged, and a flaw that he knows cannot stay.

The martyr complex.

That, is what I believe the “use your heart and not your head” phrase is meant to squash. And I believe with everything in me that it does. Leo’s life is no longer just a chess game. If this pawn doesn’t come home from a mission, his team suffers. His brothers suffer.

He is no pawn, and he can’t afford to see himself as one. He cannot afford to treat his life like it’s expendable. There’s more at stake then just the mission, and deep down in his heart, he knows that. He’s no longer just a leader. He is a father, and he has a family to live for.

And… Can I just add that Splinter’s not just up and abandoning him?

When Leo doesn’t know what to do next after his father is gone- Splinter is there. When it looks like he’s been defeated by the Shredder- Splinter is there. When they face their first real threat since his passing, and Leo is in the dojo struggling with what to do- Splinter is there.

“Leonardo, I know you feel the weight of leading your family, but remember, I am always with you.”

I mean- come on! Even in the afterlife, he’s looking over him!

He knows the burden on his son’s shoulders, and he’s come to help and warn to relieve it, if only a little.

Should he also have appeared to his others sons? ABSOLUTELY!

Could he…?

Well…

Don’t get me wrong- They’d have every right to be upset if they find out that Splinter appeared to Leo and not to them. But I’m sure there was a good reason- Leo mentions “meditating for weeks” after his father’s death at one point, so his spiritual strength, place in front of the altar, and need to speak to his father could have urged down “Mr. Higher Spiritual Plane”.

That’s why Donnie couldn’t see him when he walked in. This wasn’t a ghost doing his own thing, this was a spirit summoned down by Leo. When Donnie startled him, Leo lost concentration, and Splinter disappeared.

But, it’s still going to hurt, knowing he appeared to Leo and not them…

And should he have told his other sons that he was going to die?

….No. Just, no.

For one: He only hinted at the fact with Leo because he felt it was necessary to pass on certain information, to help him prepare for what’s coming. He didn’t give him specifics, no matter how much he begged.

If he told any of the brothers- Donnie would not rest until he pressed him for every ounce of information, Mikey would not have been able to handle the thought of something happening to Splinter, and Raph probably would have died that night on the rooftop trying to stop the prediction from becoming reality.

All of them would have wanted to stay with him after the warehouse fire, and I believe Splinter separated them for a reason.

As the youngest brothers, Donnie and Mikey needed to be shielded from memories that their analytical and photographic minds would not have been able to handle. It would have broken them to see their father die.

Leonardo would spent the rest of his days hating himself for being there and not preventing it. He’d drown in the guilt and fear- because if he couldn’t doing anything, how can he be certain that he’ll be able to keep his brothers safe? How can he be trusted with their lives when he couldn’t even save their father?

This way- Leo knows he’s been sent away, and he knows Splinter’s the reason that he couldn’t protect him. The blame isn’t as strong because he wasn’t there, and that was Splinter’s fault. It’s easier to manage when there’s another to pass on the blame.

Splinter didn’t let him protect him, and by doing so, protected Leo.

Now, Splinter’s sons would have put up a fuss or gotten suspicious if one of them didn’t go with him, so he made an educated choice.

Raphael is the strongest of the brothers. Out of all of them, he’s the most likely to mentally and physically survive the battle. He doesn’t let guilt swallow him like Leo does- he turns it into anger, and uses that anger to defend his family better next time. Out of all of them, Splinter hoped that Raph would be able to handle the memories, and the show basically tells us that he does- his maturity to accepting Leo as sensei was both shocking and relieving.

Now, I’m not saying every choice made here was inherently a good one. There’s a lot of choices made in Splinter’s life that are questionable- but every choice he makes is only in his sons’s best interest. At one point, Splinter was going to run the last of his clan. He was raised to prepare for war. His sensei could have groomed him with a leader mentality, and the notion to never put his life over the sake of his clan’s, since he was supposed to lead them one day.

He’s a single dad living in the sewers who doesn’t understand the internet and fears human contact- the only way he knows to raise his children are based off experiences with his own family, and his culture. Making Leo a martyr was a mistake, and he sees that now.

So to summarize:

No one was being made a parent. Leo is a verified mother hen, and he will lead. Period. It was always going to happen, and Splinter was trying to help lead the way. He probably would have given a lot more advice had his other children not interrupted.

Yes, he made a huge mistake years ago, but now he’s trying to fix that with a simply offering of advice. Follow your heart, not your mind, because at the end of the day, the heart will always lead you and your brothers home.

No, the entire family should not have known. They would have done everything in their power to stop what could not be prevented, and that could have gotten them killed. Splinter would never allow that. Their time was not up. They would not needlessly suffer because of him. Not his boys.

Just a side note: Taking care of his brothers might not be the worst thing for our mourning boy. Not only does it give him something to focus on, but, as an older sibling, I know it sometimes brings me comfort to comfort a young sibling. Maybe it’s some buried instinct in my being to keep them happy and healthy taking over, maybe it’s because I have a tiny bit of control in the moment, or maybe it’s a feeling of accomplishment that helps battle against the aching hurt eating away at me- but it helps. It really does.

It’s not like their infants, or little kids. His brother’s can fend for themselves, and they understand their place in the world much better than they did years ago. They can protect each other.

In reality, the only thing that will change is the hovering knowledge that someone is missing.

Holy chalupa, I just wrote an essay…

Back to the episode!

The rest of this isn’t too deep. So have some reactions:

“I don’t understand… You’re fine, father-”

🎶I can see what’s happenin’ here🎶

HE CALLED HIM DADDY IN A DOJO SETTING AFTER ASSURING HIM THAT HE WAS WELL!

POOR BABY BLUE KNOWS BUT IS STUCK IN DENIAL- 😭❤️‍🩹

“Is there something you’re not telling me?”

Leo, he is trying to tell you! And he could have! If not for literally MILLISECONDS after he asks, Mikey interrupting. Splinter might have clarified! He might have said more! Hinted how he knows! Said he was so proud! Given advice! Cleared the air! THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS-

Ah, these poor naive boys and their bad timing….

Okay, but like, how am I supposed to be annoyed at these faces. AND WHY IS RAPH OH-SO JOYOUSLY COPYING MIKEY- AND DONNIE WHAT IS THAT DEAD-EYED STARE- 🤣🤣🤣

YA’LL ARE MESSING UP MY EMOTIONS IN THIS FREAKING SCENE, YO

I’M TRYING TO BE SERIOUS IN THE MOMENT

BUT EVERY TIME THEY POP UP- 🤣

Okay, but is Splinter immediately taking the invitation to spend time with his sons because he knows that he doesn’t have much longer not the most wholesome thing ever?

He can’t continue this talk with the brothers present, and they’re clearly excited to go, so why not attend and make a few more bright memories before he’s gone?

Also, I deem it illegal for rock music to be this ominous-

I blame Leo for looking despondently after them and triggering bad things are about to happen emotions. Poor blue boi.

Anyway

Splinter is not a bad father. He is imperfect, but every choice he makes is for his sons’ good. They are his world. Their lives will come before his every time, even if that means giving heartbreaking advice before he has to be taken from them. He only wants what’s best for his family.

They are his sons. He is their papa.

And that’s all there is too it. 💚❤️💜💙🧡💚

I freaking love this show…

Thanks for reading!! I did my best to double-check everything that I wasn’t sure about, so that I could be as accurate as possible! Even if I didn’t change stubborn minds, I hope I gave you guys some things to think about!

Every opinion matters! Thanks for checking out mine!

#See what I see TMNT #just watch the show and things add up #tmnt 2012 #tmnt 2k12 #teenage mutant ninja turtles #teenage mutant ninja turtles 2012 #tmnt fandom #tmnt leonardo 2012 #tmnt leo 2012 #2012 tmnt #2012 leonardo #tmnt 2012 leo #2012 leo #leonardo 2012 #leo 2012 #tmnt leonardo hamato #splinter 2012 #splinter hamato #hamato yoshi #2012 teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt leonardo #2012 donnie #donnie tmnt 2012 #donnie 2012 #2012 donatello #tmnt mikey 2012 #mikey 2012 #tmnt 2012 mikey #2012 michelangelo #2012 mikey

[unabashednightmarepizza]

𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝐴𝑟𝑒 𝑃𝑒𝑟𝑓𝑒𝑐𝑡, 𝑌𝑜𝑢'𝑟𝑒 𝐴𝑙𝑙 𝐼 𝑊𝑎𝑛𝑡

Summary: No one in school could deny that Sebastian Sallow was in love with the new student, but also couldn't deny that he was a stupid with his confession plans... Would a birthday change it all?

Aka scenario mixed with headcanons about Sebastian absolutely being a lovely romantic with his feelings and doing something to prove his feelings to a certain important professor and the girl he loves.

A/N: I might write one with Ominis too, because they are both my lovely bois! But this one is already long as hell, so there will be a second part!

Against the contrary belief, Sebastian Sallow was never and is never gonna be a fratboy kinda man. Yes, he flirts but guess what?

Only with you, the absolute love of his life.

Now, Anne often teased him with being a hopeless romantic and said that girls wouldn't be that interested... Jokes on her, you were already down bad for him and that stupid smile whenever he achieved a certain hard potion.

I mean, come on... You wouldn't try to stand the pain of freaking Crucio for his sake, if you didn't feel anything for him.

Anyways back to the point, Anne was indeed grateful that there was someone who had her brother's back.

Someone that eased his thirst for Dark Arts and a blind suicide mission just to have a cure for her.

She was also happy that there would be someone else he could rely on, knowing he and their uncle didn't get along at all.

But couldn’t help from thinking that girl, come on... My awkward brother when it comes to romancing the girl he likes?

She was right tho

Sebastian, though he didn't know much about romance since his priorities lied somewhere else until you came along, relied on romance novels

First mistake he did

Reading Wuthering Heights proved to be a wrong move because a) he cried after reading it and b) he was starting to act like the characters

The first reality shifter in my opinion 😂

And now, our awkward boi had a plan to confess- Merlin knew if he didn't, he would soon loose you and it would break his already fragile heart, the one thing he hid from anyone.

And what was the best plan..?

Throw a birthday party and confess there.

But... Now there was another problem

What gift would be good enough for you?

“What to get her, what to get her..? What does she even like? Maybe books? No, too cliche... I'm sure she read all the books in here though-“

You see, for the first time, Sebastian Sallow was actually nervous. One might think the charming Slytherin boy could be anything but nervous, but when the mission on hand was the utmost importancy that held the key to his future and possibly the rest of his life that could either continue with bliss or pain, he couldn't really afford his focus to wander to other places.

“Sebastian, what are you doing?”

But of course, simple people-even if that said person was his best friend-, could never understand how this was a big deal.

“A very important mission, Ominis. Now, if you excuse me...” Sebastian muttered absentmindedly while the blonde boy tilted his head curiously since he never saw Sebastian so... dead-set on something, that had nothing to do with Anne’s curse.

How did he know, you ask? Well, he wasn’t begging him to go to that Scriptorium for the first time. And Ominis, as shocked as he was, just knew that it was something about the new student that came and a smug smirk found his face.

Oh, I knew Sebastian was attached to her... Wonder how long it will take for them to finally confess.

“I assume it has something to do with Y/N, the new friend of us? Maybe about her oncoming birthday even?” he teased Sebastian as he plopped down on the bed that was right next to Sebastian’s , feeling the brunette boy’s shocked stare on his face as he brought out his own wand to show him the gift he had already gotten for you.

“I thought you didn’t like her! Why did you even buy a gift?!”

Ominis looked at him dead in the eye, scoffing all the while putting the gift he has gotten for you away and changing back to his relaxing clothes. “Tame your jealousy, Sebastian... And no, I never said I hated her. I was just slightly irritated because you brought her to Undercroft without me knowing beforehand. But just so you know, we are really good friends now.” He stated as a matter of factly, and though Sebastian denied he was jealous, both young Slytherins knew the truth.

And just how much Sebastian was deep in the well of love.

“I’m not jealous, Ominis. You can buy her whatever you want, I was just curious since you are always snarky around her!” he let out a childish humph! while sitting on his green, silky bed and continued to write down all his plans and possible ideas for gift. He wouldn’t really say it out loud, not that he was embrassed... Or maybe he was, but not because it was you, he had obvious feelings for you for the first time ever.

It was hard for him to admit, but perhaps... He only needed a little push.

“Hmm, so it wouldn’t be a problem if I were to go and snatch he-“

And by the fast swoosh and the sudden thud sound, followed after a groan from the brunette boy, Ominis knew that he had caught him.

First of all, no he wasn't being too much with his reaction

Second of all, why would Ominis be ever interested in you?? When you were his...

Okay, so perhaps that was what made him halter and think about what he just thought and...

🌠fireworks 🌠

That was exactly how the realization felt like. His insides burnt, not a painful one but a very pleasant, warm fire he used to feel whenever he sat down in front of the fireplace... And that warnth made him realize the true expant of his feelings.

Most students, and even some teachers, told him how he was attached to you ever since you came to the school. How you and him were attached from the hips, and how you both looked at each other sweetly, though in secret.

He was possessive of you, was in awe of your kindness and care for everything and anything. After everything that happened, and now he admitfed how selfish and inconsiderate he was of you in the road to his sister's aid, he trully realized that you were more than a simple girl.

You let him do Crucio on you, a painful curse, and bear the pain of it alone. You used your magic for him, Ominis and Anne many times to the point of fainting and... He only used that kindness, took it granted and bever checked on you with his mind occupied with Anne.

It filled him with immense sadness and guilt, making him feel ashamed at the way he treated you as if you didn't mean everything to him. As if you weren't his whole heart and soul. As if your kindness wasn't what lightened his dark life.

And then, the most recent memory of you erupted, a few days before everything went shit... A memory, which made his heart clench in love and longing.

"Why are you sitting away from me?" You turned your head to Sebastian who already was seated next to you, a frown pulling on his annoyingly handsome face and you smiled. Because that was what you had been doing whenever you were close to him, with his dorky face and stupid jokes that never failed to make you crack a tiny smile.

He made your heart fill with... as much as you didn't want to accept, love and safety. You felt more alive with him, as if you would be able to do anything with him there.

Your body and soul, heart all together existed only when he touched you.

This is what we call love. When you are loved, you can do anything in creation. When you are loved, there's no need at all to understand what's happening, because everything happens within you.

You could feel yourself through him, and it was... scary, how in rhythm you were with him. How well cordinated you were together, basically impossible to stop as a duo. He always had an eye on you, moreso after what happened with his uncle. You saw the guilty eyes he always seemed to have, how he was acting around as if he was walking on eggshells and how much... responsible he had become.

Before everything that happened, you and Ominis had to force him to attend class in time and do his homework, often making him trail after you two whenever you and Ominis would study late in the library secretly. And the shocking part, he always got good grades from almost every single one of them and that shocked all the teachers.

We didn't know you had it in you, Mister Sallow...

One sentence that freaked not him, but all three of you. That was when you thought this was it, that they would ask what was going on but instead they only replied with I see that your friends are helping you out! I knew one day you would come around.

Yeah... Friends.

Friends who watched the other get lost in the darkness.

Friend who sacrificed every bit of her for her crush, no... the boy she loved, but got treated like a punchbag.

A friend who had to stop his best friend from commiting crimes and comfort the other, a friend who blamed himself for ever introducing Sebastian to Dark Magic.

And amidst all... A friend who was so close to loosing everything.

Yeah, definetly friends...

"Nothing Sebastian. Nothing is wrong really. I just didn't want to make uncomfortable since you are left-handed." He didn't like how awkward and shy your voice sounded, and definetly didn't like how these words were something you always said even when you were in pain... The proof of his not-so-there care.

But he also didn't know whether to scoff, scold you, laugh or cry at your reason either. He told you many times that it was fine and he wasn't uncomfortable, something you would answer with but you always get angry with other whenever they anger you over it.

You could really never realize his feelings, couldn't you?

"You... sure? Did I do something? Anything lately?"

Ah, suddenly... I hate being early to the lesson and is he coming closer to me?

"I'm sure, Seb... Why would I even lie?" You gave him a kind of awkward smile as he raised a brow at you, looking between the two of you. His insides told him otherwise, but he feared he would drive you away if he asked more.

And it was the last thing he wanted, the last thing he needed...

Merlin knew he would be gone for food if you left him too...

"No reasons, just... We are still due to the Hogsmeade, right?"

Perhaps you should have said no and return back to what you were doing, avoid him and his handsome face that did nothing except haunting you and gave you butterflies whenever your eyes laid on him...

Loving him will end you, Poppy once said to you. Worrying for you and your heart, bless her soul. Sebastian was like mad honey, you always thought of him like that. Mad honey eased many pains in one's body, was healthy for the body, strengthening the heart and making the person who ate it stronger than before...

But it also burnt while eating, damaged the heart rhytm, caused hallucinations and caused pain if one ate more than necessary... And in se rare cases... It resulted with death even.

The worst part? It was so addictive that the person couldn't stop themselves from eating it after one point.

And Poppy feared that would be what happens, if you didn't stop yourself. She didn't hate Sebastian, he was actually noce to her from the beginning and even helped around whenever he had time. But she knew his reputation around the school as well, and was scared if he would hurt you.

Him suddenly acting all nice and responsible didn't help either.

But what no one really realised is... You were already a goner for him.

And even after all the hurt he put you through... He was now aware of them, actively trying to be better.

How could you avoid him when he is the biggest part of your life?

"Yes, Sebastian... Of course we still are. I can't wait to spend more time with you..." you turned to him with your usual smile that blinded him and made him blush, cooing internally at your adorableness and he gave the same smile back, if not... A much more relaxed one that gave away how relieved he was to hear you were still there and didn't plan on leaving him.

But that smile soon faltered when you frowned at something behind him, making him turn and... eventually scream in fright.

"Is that... Ominis?" You looked at Sebastian with wide eyes, cautiously walking to where the slumped figure of the blonde who worked two jobs, being a student and keeping an eye out for you two, was leaned over the wall behind him. You clutched your chest thightly, the sight of Ominis' open eyes scaring you, and you waved your hand slowly in front of him. You let out a surprised squeak when Ominis did nothing except letting out a snore and shook your head softly at him all the while Sebastian was busy with trying to get you back to his side.

"Merlin's beard! He sleeps with his eyes open!"

"I mean... He can't see either way?"

"It's still scary Y/N! You don't know how frightening it is when I wake up and see him looking at me, sleeping with those eyes open!" You laughed loud at Sebastian's trully frightened look, slapping a hand to your mouth to not wake Ominis up. You were glad to see Sebastian so... like how he was before and seeing the three of you were still the chaotic duo made hope blossom in your heart and made the fairies sing love songs and ring chimes happily...

Alongside with Ominis' cute snoring, who wasn't aware of anything.

Ahhh, yes... I would be nothing without these two dorks...

So, going to Hogsmeade was never a problem. You three always hang around there, Ominis usually dragging you both to Honeydukes while Sebastian dragged you to Three Broomsticks

There were times they had to listen to you tho

For example letting you drag them to have a picnic and have fun in the river by teying to catch some fishes or splash water at each other

All three of you were drenched after one time you did this, and Professor Matilda was angry at you three for a whole week.

Not because she hated you all or something, but because she was worried you three would get sick.

Secretly, she loved you three the most amongst all the students and saw you as her children... Especially knwoing your family status'.

But mama bear was flabbergasted when the two boys were bedridden but you were all fine, attending classes and even explaining them to the sick boys and volunteering to do their homeworks as well.

"I was gonna do mine as well, why wouldn't I do yours?"

But if mama Matilda was good at reading people, she was even better at reading young people in love

And she saw right through Sebastian and you as well. All those stolen glances and shy touches didn't pass through her glasses at all.

And, as the matchmaker of Hogwarts, she gave you two a day off to Hogsmeade after doing so well in your classes...

And so that you two might grow some pairs and confess already, she had a going bet with the grumpy Sharp and she wasn't going to loose it!

"What's your favourite color, young lady? Just say it so that I shall give you what your heart desires, as a gift to you of course."

Well, not every day you had the chance of hearing a seller ask this kind of question. And definetly not when you were looking for gifts or having a stroll with your bestfriend, who-would-never-love-you type of man.

"Uhm... Excuse me?"

"Your favourite color! I make little lockets and gifts based on a person's favourite memory, colord and such! And today'a lucky customer is you, darling girl!" Slightly old lady exclaimed happily, showing off everything she had done in the past and though you took a step back at the amount of them, you couldn't help but let out a wow at the significant details in all of them, which made the woman puff her chest out proudly.

It probably wouldn't hurt to try, right?

"Brown... Brown is my favourite color." The woman tilted her head curiously at your choice, making her magic work as your eyes drifted to Sebastian who was busy having a mild argument with one of the ladies over a necklace, giggling at how that act screamed Sebastian.

"Hmm, interesting choice... May I ask why?"

" It reminds me of autumn... The early hours when the sun's light reflect off of the soil and create the most beautiful auburn color and... His eyes..." Your eyes stayed locked onto where Sebastian was busy picking some jewelry as a gift to Anne, lips pulled in a frown as he looked at every single one of them with a seriousness you rarely saw.

But your eyes travelled away from his face and your mind took a sharper turn.

Those new uniforms need to be illegal... He is too good-looking in them...

His white shirt hugged his arms and chest quite well, showing off the muscle he had built after years of training and fighting. They were daunt and probsbly well-defined, you could tell whenever he hugged you or wrapped them around you protectively...

I'm down bad for him... Is that even oka-

"Ahh, youngsters... Always having other ideas with their significant others..." the seller let out a sigh softly as she looked behind her to where you were looking, understanding the situation fast as she gave a teasing smirk. Damn, I forgot she was able to see my mind...

"Uhm... I'm sorry, I can't help it..." you mumbled shyly, not daring to look at her as you accepted the two lockets to you. The open one, your eyes stayed on and your heart flipped at the scene that was inside it. There it was, the day when you surprised him with a little get-away, only the two of you and jumped on his back when he didn't expect it, drenching both of you as the sun kissed his freckles and casted the most beautiful gleam over his face...

But there was one more...

You frowned at her at realizing the other locket, after all you definetly didn't tell her to make two of them.

"But... I didn't want a second-"

"I know, sweetheart... They are my gifts to you and your boyfriend. You two look lovely together." She patted your hand sweetly, urging you to accept it and smiled when you accepted them rather shyly.

"I-I... He isn't my boyfriend..." you put the lockets back in your pouch and gave a thankfull smile to the old lady begore catching up to Sebastian who beamed at the sight of you, telling you how there was a lady insisting on buying two necklaces he set his eyes on.

As you listened to him and took his arm and looped yours with his, you weren't aware how his heart beated hard at the peaceful smile over your face. You didn't know how he started to sweat nervously and stuttered slightly either or how badly he wanted to kiss your plush lips, wondering how kissing you would feel like...

And you definetly didn't know what happened before he came to collect you that day either, the memories of what he talked with Professor Fig still clear in his mind.

#sebastian sallow x mc #sebastian sallow x reader #sebastian sallow #sebastian x mc #sebastian x reader #sebastian sallow imagine #hogwarts legacy fic #hogwarts legacy x mc #hogwarts legacy x reader #hogwarts legacy imagine #hogwarts legacy

[zeraaachan]

to rhyme my name with yours

summary: bsd! characters as arabic poetry and lines i read in the internet. character(s): dazai osamu, chuuya nakahara, fyodor dostoevsky, ryuunosuke akutagawa content warning(s): religious themes, blood, yandere-ish behaviors; you pronouns are used for reader

dazai osamu "i'll dip my hands in holy water if it means touching you."

dazai osamu's hands are stained with blood, and he knows. he knows just how many fallen bodies it took to fully coat his two palms with red. enemies' blood, the last red ink written by his pals, all is but another layer of the skin on dazai osamu's palm. his hands are bloody with fingers that only know nothing but to take. give dazai osamu another pair of hands and watch how it becomes soaked in blood. give him another pair and witness how the fingers are not enough to count the lives he took. since dazai osamu is a bloody wreck with bloodier hands. all his hands ever knew is how to sin, how to anger the gods, how to be an irony in churches.

that is until he found you. until his hands, with its blood and gore, ached to reach for something. until his fingers, dripping with red,  started to cross themselves to wish for your well-being… for the devil to not take you away from him, a devil himself. dazai osamu is cursed with bloody hands but his palms learned how to kiss for a prayer when he found you.

his hands, sinner they are more than him, became a bloody paradox. it learned how to pray for a blessing undeserved by his sinful hands. dazai osamu is not a religious man, daring life and death with his suicidal attempts. but when he found you bathed in colors from the church's stained glasses, dazai osamu learned that angels do exist. that god took the longest in one of his creations.

he signs the cross with his bloody fingers and dip his hands in holy water before kneeling, not to the altar but before your figure, as his trembling hand finds a place on your cheek.

and when dazai osamu's palm lovingly carress your cheek, he can see the blood from his hand tainting your skin.

chuuya nakahara "on the train, we swapped seats. you wanted the window and i wanted to look at you."

it's laughable how chuuya nakahara is always there for someone who will never choose him first. it's hilarious how the skilled mafioso keeps choosing people who cannot even pick him as the first option. an option, a mere one, is all chuuya ever knew. to dazai osamu who never actually chose him, to mori who rather have dazai, to the red-haired hag who'd rather choose the kid. chuuya nakahara is only seen if the first option is nowhere to be found.

but not to one. not to you.

it's funny how chuuya nakahara's ability is gravity manipulation when all that stabilizes him to the ground is your words. when you told him that you want him even if he hesitantly asked if you are sure that you really want him. chuuya can never forget the day that you got offended when he asked if he's the one you really want, not dazai or akutagawa or practically anyone else. since it is strange to be finally found after being invisible for so long.

and as he stare at you, drawn to that window view you so much craved, chuuya nakahara can't but feel grateful that finally… finally someone saw him. not as a third or second option. you chose him.

and if you'll tear your eyes away from the view outside the window to face him, you'll see it plainly in his eyes: you're the cure to his tainted sorrow.

fyodor dostoevsky “and if the devil was ever to see you, he'd kiss your eyes and repent,"

fyodor is not the devil, he is a religious man. the white clothes that wrap his body are not a paradox but a symbolism of the purity he seeks to achieve. the way he plays the violin, so soothingly yet eerily perfect, is but an imitation of the melody he aims to give the world. since fyodor dostoesky is a religious man. and as all men of faith, he wishes nothing but greatness for the world. fyodor dostoevsky is on a mission to save every sinful souls.

so why are you running, little mouse? why call him the devil when all he wants is to save you? come, come, little mouse. take his gloved hands and you shall be saved. shh… hush, little mouse. you shan't call him the devil, he's here to save you from them. little mouse, stop running. stop sinning. oh, poor little mouse. he told you— it's a dead end there.

"stop! stop…! don't come near me you… you… devil!"

fyodor is not the devil. he is a religious man. "i am but a man of faith. together we shall repent, dear"

fyodor is not the devil, he is a religious man who'll lovingly kiss your closed eyes as his thumbs wipe the tears on the corner of your eyes. who'll whisper to you in hushed tones that now you will be saved, now you'll be away from this impure world. shh, little mouse. your tears will tempt any devil from the fiery pits of hell, your pitiful sobs will just stir something from the abyss. shh, little mouse, stop crying or the devil will kiss your eyes.

and as fyodor dostoevsky kiss the sorrow from your eyes, tears leaving the taste of salt and fear on his lips, the religious man wondered whether he's indeed the devil who'll kiss your eyes… and find salvation from it.

ryuunosuke akutagawa "because my love for you is higher than words, i have decided to fall silent."

ryuunosuke akutagawa is a silent lover. he love with his actions and not with his words. his love is tainted in black, with the darkness seemingly always behind his back. but with all the darkness and color of the abyss present in his being… he can't seem to find the ink that will pen words that you deserve. since akutagawa loves with his actions and not his words. he'll shield you from bullets instead of telling you he'll protect you. he'll slaughter his own allies to save you instead of saying that you're the only one that matters. he'll take a claw to his heart instead of saying that you're his heart anyway.

since ryuunosuke akutagawa's love is too steep, too high. that even mere words can no longer reach it. that his vocal chords cannot contain it. ryuunosuke akutagawa decided to fall silent since no words can express what he feels anyway. his love, cannot be expressed with mere words. but perhaps the hand behind your nape and the bloody lips on yours is an indication. perhaps the claw that ripped his heart can express what his words cannot.

ryuunosuke akutagawa is a silent lover. for his love is higher than words that he decided to fall eternally silent for you.

author’s note(s): shit format and shittier content. will fix it when idk. send me some asks T T

#bungo stray dogs dazai #bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs dazai osamu #bsd dazai osamu #bsd dazai #bsd dazai osamu x reader #bsd dazai x reader #dazai osamu x reader #dazai x reader #bsd chuuya nakahara #chuuya nakahara #chuuya nakahara x reader #bsd fyodor #fyodor dostoyevsky x reader #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #ryuunosuke akutagawa #bsd akutagawa #ryuunosuke akutagawa x reader

[tobbotobbs]

Hello, hope you are having a good day/night

I was wondering if I could request a Ghost x Male reader where reader isn't one to think of themself or their own needs, they are very self sacrificing. Reader has always hid the darker parts of them away from view projecting a strong, calm, sturdy person. Reader also wants to be Ghost rock give the man everything, but reader has been keeping secrets like the cause of the nightmares he has.

You can only be strong for so long before you crumble

Hey thank you so much for this precious request, I love it! Hope you like it!

Warnings: Talking about death, mentions of selfharm and suicide/suicidal thoughts, parental abuse (mentally and physically)

There were many times where the team of 141 could count blindly on on Y/n. He was their best friend, their loyal colleague, a good soldier and most importantly someoke the could always count on. It didn't matter what the problem was, Y/n was always ready to help or give some advice. They all took it for granted, it was by now a normal thing in the task force. Nobody wondered or asked if he needed some help or advice or just wanted to talk because Y/n always seemed so confident and strong. So sure about anything and everything in his life that everyone stopped the slightest doubt about him feeling alright whenever it started to bloom up their mind.

Of course there is no such thing as always feeling alright and never needing help. And Y/n knew that perfectly well. He was just a professional in hiding his feelings from the others, from anyone that wasn't his pillow in the middle of the night in his barracks. He felr like he wasn't allowed to feel such emotions. Back in his teenager days, his parents made perfectly clear that he wasn't to fuss about other emotions or feelings than confidence and that he rather keep his thoughts about how he felt to himself as to not bother anyone with his problems. Because that's what you do as a good person. You help others with their problems but you keep yours away from the surface to not seem selfish or mean.

It's been years since he really talked about how he felt with anyone other than his own mind in the small room on the base he called his home. Of course they need to talk to Price or Laswell regularly to check of they are still capable of doing their work but it's never personal and intensive talking. They won't check the roots of the problem or the reasons as why a soldier sometimes would go all quiet while eating at lunch or why they would spend their time alone in their room. And like said before, Y/n was very good at lying about his feelings and personal life. He also seemed to be doing so well that sometimes on missions when he would get hit he looked like he was actually totally fine even if he was hurting, all calm and reassuring. Soap and Gaz always wondered how he did it. How he hid it so well because when they got hit or hurt themself on small things they would be whining and breathing heavily and looking as if they're dying in that moment.

Y/n was strong, calm and confident. That chabges though when a specific skull mask wearing brit was in danger or would show some kind of hurting emotion. Then he was all gone. Ghost is on a building keeping his eyes on Soap through his rifle and not noticing the man trying to ambush him? Y/n would be standing behind them in mere seconds, slashing their throats before they can even reach his brit. Gaz and Price would be firing their guns while him and Soap were trying to get to Ghost who was shot on mission in the field? Suddenly he didn't care that was actually mortal and could die from bullets, his legs carried him through the gunfire and to his hurt lover who just had a grazing wound on his leg by getting shot.

One time, it was after a week long stealth mission, Ghost sat silently outside on the grass while looking up at the nearly complete black sky. Y/n had walked out of the building to take a quick smoke because the whole mission got on gis nerves pretty bad. He had to leave the mask wearing man behind for 2 days after getting ambushed. It was the worst time for him and now Ghost wouldn't look at him but when he fpund him outside he sat beside the lieutenant on the freshly cut grass. ,,Gho-" ,,Simon. Call me Simon", he had said to the h/c man. His voice uncommonly soft. In that night Simon had confessed to Y/n that he had felt scared for the first time on a mission after the h/c had to leave him on the field.

Y/n had felt so bad he swore to himself to never leave the others side again and always try to be there for him. It made him feel even more bad and selfish whenever he felt bad or got the nagging thoughts of telling someone how he felt, especially when he wantes to talk to Simon about how he felt. He felt so bad whenever that he tried to punish himself with doing more and more work for anyone of his team to convince himself he wasn't selfish and bad because he still did help others. This obviously did confuse Ghost a little sometimes when his lover got a sudden outburst of needing to help someone even if there wasn't anything he could do for someone because there was no need for help. But it wasn't that concerning because they all knew how Y/n was at times.

When the whole teams expectations changed on another mission, it was a very surprising and shocking moment for everyone. Y/n had been told to clear out a house in a city while the others did the same to a few other buildings. It had something to do with a cartel and it was just regular procedure for everyone. Walk in, clear every room, take informations with them, walk out and leave. Though when the h/c had entered the second room of the house, a bedroom of a teenager at the looks of all the band posters and school work stuff on the desk, his whole world came crashing down on him. There on the side on the floor next to the bed was a body. Nothing special, they had seen enough dead bodies in this job, but this was the lifeless body of a young girl, probably the owner of this bedroom. And she wasn't killed like other humans he had seen, no she had cuts along her wrists. It made Y/n stop in his tracks for a few seconds before he started to look around the room and go through the stuff on the desk.

It made him feel bad but he had to check everything to not miss anything. At a small little piece of paper that looked as if it has seen better days before, the sergeant stopped to take a closer look. It was very crinkled and had a lot of water damaging on it, probably from tears. When reading the text on it, it was soon clear this piece of paper should've been read by the parents rather than him. It was an apology for all the times this poor girl had failed them and selfishly only cared about her feelings and situation than the problems of others. Her guilt ate her up from the inside out and she couldn't take the disappointment of her parents anymore. She was sorry for only carung about herself instead of others. This all reminded him of himself when he was young. He had those thoughts as well- still has them at times. They weren't nice, they were terrifying and bad but he knew not to bother anyone about them. Just like this girl.

,,n?....Y/n? Y/n do you copy?!", the distraught voice of his boyfriend spoke through the radio. For a second he forgot they were on a mission. ,,Y-Yes! Yes copy. Sorry guys, been searching through this room", ,,Alright, Y/n I'm done with my building- I'll come over and help you", ,,Got it Ghost", their conversation was cut off and Y/n tried his best to keep his calmness. A few minutes later Simon was standing in the same room as him, being shocked at the sight in front of him but letting his emotions show not like his boyfriend. A quiet broken sob escaped Simon at the sight. This poor girl was so young- why would she do this? And why didn't her parents find her? Did she had the same bad parents like his dad? Simon's thought's were making him even sadder but the warm embrace of Y/n calmed that river of negative emotions. ,,It's alright love, I'm here. Let's get going and look for the missing information yeah?", they both went on with the mission, but this wouldn't be the last time one of them would think about this poor girl.

The chopper went down and Price turned it off. They were back in the base, it was getting dark outside already, everyone was tired from the mission which went surprisingly successful and everyone had been getting impatient on the flight back to the base. The second the soldiers got the okay from their captain to safely leave the aircraft, they were all gone. Gaz, Y/n and Price made their way to the kitchen, hungry after all those hours out on the field meanwhile Ghost went to the barracks to shower and Soap also went back to his room, but probably to fall asleep the second he hit his bed instead of showering or doing anything productive 'cause he was the most tired and exhausted out of them all today. Back in the kitchen, Y/n stood in front of the oven, waiting for their food to be done meanwhile Gaz took out some plates and forks for the three of them.

It was in the middle of the night, everyone finally went to sleep and get some rest, when Y/n woke up from a terrible dream. It wasn't really a nightmare mire like an old memory that his mind was replaying. He was 9 again, young and still happy and coming home from school with his math test. He got a good grade and he wanted to show his mother and see how proud she'd be of him for achieving this. When he got home his mother was angry with him. He should help her clean the house instead of wasting time with showing her some stupid test he achieved for once. When he started crying about how it was a good test and he tried really hard his mothers hand flew and struck him across the face. ,,Don't be so ungrateful and stop with the disrespectful behavior of yours!" She had screamed at him. It scared the shit out of the young boy and he really just wanted to get away from his own mother. Just like the teen girl did. Only that he wasn't as brave to go through with hus plan.

Y/n never noticed how his hands shook and how he made subtle hurt noises that woke his boyfriend up until Simon slowly sat up next to him and carefully put his arms around the shaking man. ,,Love is....are you alright? I've never seen you like...like this. Baby?", ,,Oh my- Simon just-just go back to sleep it's fine I don't know what happened- actually I'm feeling okay let's get back to-", ,,No, no you're not fine Y/n. You're crying and shaking what...was it the mission? It's because of that little girl isn't it? It's okay Love, I've been thinking about her as well I-", ,,It's....I'm not thinking of her....particularly. I was...I....she reminded me of me....I was dreaming of something that happened back when I was younger it....I'm sorry it's alright it doesn't matter. Are you okay though? You didn't tell me that it bothered you so much, the girl i mean!", ,,My love is....why are you trying so desperately to change the subject from your feelings to mine? I want to check on you and see if you are alright so why are you pushing me away?",

He thought for a second and was confused. Why did Simon want to kniw hiw he felt? That's selfish of him. Did the blonde man want him to be mean and selfish? They never talked about him so why now? Ot didn't make any sense maybe he just waited for Y/n ti finally snap and talk about his feelings just to have a reason to yell at him and call him a bad person...

,,Hey, I can basically hear your thoughts going a mile a minute baby. I care about you. We all do. And we all know that you don't really talk about yourself, which makes me worry because I know you're not alright sometimes but now I can see and I really want to make you feel better. I am worried about you Love", the blondes soft deep voice spoke into the darkness of them quiet room. ,,But...but that's selfish of me. I don't wanna be a bad person Si....talking about my feelings and thoughts makes me a bad person because I only care about myself and-" Y/n was stopped by two soft lips. His boyfriend couldn't hear the awful words coming out of Y/n's mouth so he put an end to it by kissing his love and showing him with the passionate force how much he cared and wanted to help him. He backed away, a small smile tugging on Simons lips as he spoke again. ,,Now please tell me what's bothering you my Love and let me, let us finally give something to you, let us help you yeah?"

Sorry it took me so long to post something! Was having a stressful week and again having another stressful one! Life sucks man, hope I get some free time pretty soon because I wanna try to write for something knew and I already got ideas kind of I just...need time for it!

See yall next time <3

#simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x male reader #male reader #gay love #gay #gay reader #x male reader #cod mw2 #cod mw2 x male reader #captain john price #johnny soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick #cod x male reader #cod mwf2 #cod modern warfare #call of duty x male reader #call of duty characters x reader #call of duty mwii #ghost x y/n

[akutasoda]

good evening. first of all, again, congratulations on 1k, thats a big milestone! (for me at least) and im here to request for the 1k event ^_^

i figured the event doesn't really have a theme, so id like to req a small oneshot of aventurine and reader with the 4th prompt of this post with heavy angst if you could do. thank you, and have a nice day!

if only i could've told you sooner

synopsis - you want him to know, especially if he doesn't have long left

includes - aventurine

warnings - gn!reader, heavy angst, no comfort, maybe unrequited feelings?, hints toward suicide + death, wc - 689 a/n: thank you!! if you're reading this you better check out ezel - writing is *chef's kiss*

anyone with half a brain could realise it was practically a suicide mission - even if it wasn't intended to be, that was obviously the back up plan. it's like the saying 'if all else fails', if the plan didn't work out you knew damn well aventurine wouldn't mind placing his life on the line to achieve the goal he had his sights on. you both knew that, even if he didn't tell you.

'how long do you reckon then' you stared his slumped over form down as he shuffled a small deck he kept on his desk 'mm don't know but i wouldn't plan to stay long' he sighed before letting a small smirk crawl onto his lips as he made eye contact 'why? you worried you'll start to miss me?'. now it was your turn to sigh, and mask the genuine concern, 'as if. just means i get your paperwork if you're gone too long' he let out a small laugh 'ouch. i'd hoped atleast you'd miss me'

he left not long after to prepare for his stay in penacony, leaving you all alone in his office. you closed your eyes and sighed yet again, you knew damn well that any mission that had aventurine on it would result in him making an outlandish bet that would always affect him if he lost. it would be a good couple of amber eras before you even dared to admit, but you cared for him. his self destructive behaviour kept you on your toes because you truly wouldn't know what to do if he lost one day - he didn't deserve the fates he put on the table for the sake of the IPC's demand.

your eyes caught sight of the mission file laid carelessly on his desk and you picked it up to throw into his trash can on the way out. aventurine had picked up many skills, one of which was the ability to grasp a very accurate reading on people so he knew you cared. he knew you'd throw away that file if he left it and he knew you kept little trinkets he gave you or a note as a memento to what he dare say was a friendship. a friendship that oh so clearly had the potential for more.

it was true. you'd kept most things aventurine gave you: notes he'd send you on long missions, small gifts he'd bring back from across the galaxy, and even the card pack that won you your first game against aventurine. however those were just material items. no matter how much you could keep, if he truly lost a bet on his life you wouldn't be able to remember him the same. nothing could even begin to compare to seeing him in person, even if he drove you up the wall sometimes.

in honesty, most of your memories with aventurine are encapsulated inside your phone. it wouldn't be uncommon for you and aventurine to hang around each other especially at IPC event's and sometimes in a rare moment you can catch aventurine in a photo with you - and it's not aventurine one of the ten stonehearts, it's aventurine. your favourite is a more recent photo of you and aventurine at the most recent IPC event, you can convince yourself that his smile isn't a facade and he is truly happy in that moment.

aventurine has exactly ten minutes before he's set to depart to penacony. you haven't seen him for awhile because he's been too busy ensuring the transport of the cornerstone's was successful and all the other bag's he didn't need on him, and as you stare at the photos of you and him you realise something. at this point you don't care that he might not reciprocate your feelings, but you want him to be aware. you want him to know for sure that there is somebody in this unforgiving galaxy who loves him, especially if he may never return.

akutasoda's 1k event

#⇢＊akutasoda's events ＊ #—stellaronhvnters. #x reader #x gender neutral reader #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail x you #honkai star rail x gender neutral reader #hsr x reader #hsr x gender neutral reader #hsr x you #honkai star rail aventurine #hsr aventurine #aventurine x reader #↪♡akutasoda's 1k event ♡

[artistic-mathematics]

Analysis on Shadowheart, her relationship with "Mother Superior", and Shar

Spoilers for all three acts of BG3 below.

I just had the sudden realization that Viconia sent Shadowheart to retrieve the relic with every intention of letting Shadowheart die alone and as a nobody out of pure jealousy, all the while being thrown around like a ragdoll for fucking fun by the goddess she's devoted everything to because she's been gaslit and manipulated her entire life.

Viconia sent her on a fucking suicide mission (KNOWING that it was a suicide mission) and told her that her memories would be restored after she returned under the impression that Shadowheart was going to die. She knew that she was going directly against what Shar wanted (to convert Shadowheart and puppet her around like a plaything until she became Shar's obedient Chosen) and did it anyway because she considered Shadowheart to be a joke and decided that if Shadowheart was dead, then she would have to be the Chosen.

There's only a few things that Shadowheart knows about herself that aren't total fabrications (not including the fear of wolves, I suppose, though they did gaslight her into being terrified of them). She likes night orchids. She can't swim. She's a cleric of Shar. She has a Sharran wound that hurts sometimes -- and she doesn't really even know why it hurts, just that it hurts. The saddest part about this is that two out of these four things, maybe even three, are things that she most likely learnt via intuition. The only other things she knows? Her suicide mission -- to steal the githyanki relic and return it to Baldur's Gate. And the authority figure in her life (emphasis on authority) -- Viconia Devir, Mother Superior, and the things that she'd had done to put her in place.

Viconia wiped literally everything else from Shadowheart's life except for Shar and herself. Shadowheart has a better idea of who Viconia is than who she herself is, and it only gets worse because Viconia had marked her as "expendable". Meanwhile, Shadowheart is completely unaware, believing that she'll be rewarded greatly upon delivering the relic to Baldur's Gate (she doesn't even know where the House of Grief is, or where she's supposed to deliver the relic to specifically!). Except when Shadowheart does become a Dark Justiciar and shows up to overthrow Viconia, Viconia faces her and calls her a traitor anyway despite knowing that Shadowheart is telling the truth. (Note how Viconia doesn't call out "for Shar!" at the beginning of this battle.)

Everything Shadowheart knows about herself is either shit she was manipulated into believing or things she's figured out on her own. She doesn't remember anyone she was close with -- not her best friend Nocturne or any of the initiates she'd trained with. Meanwhile, it's outright explicitly stated that all of her companions -- both from those still in the House of Grief and those who were sent with her on the relic mission, were never treated this way. People in Shadowheart's past all know Shadowheart better than herself -- at least, they know who she used to be before the events of the nautiloid -- but that's just the problem at hand.

Shadowheart has zero sense of identity. Even at the beginning of the game, with the knowledge of being a Sharran cleric, she's struggling with herself. She very clearly is downright terrible at being a Sharran cleric -- I mean like yeah, she likes deceiving people and playing dirty, but she's horrendous at keeping secrets and worries way too much for people and animals than she cares to admit. Even as going down the Dark Justiciar path, Shadowheart's morals -- the ones that Viconia and Shar both tried to suppress -- stand in the way, especially in the House of Grief. When she's faced with her parents, deep down, she knows that killing them is outright wrong, despite everything that she was taught. If you let her do as she pleases, she makes a comment about just serving blindly, because it's just so much easier to do rather than continue with the mental battle that she's been fighting for years -- and note she doesn't even kill her parents intentionally in this route, and she falls to her knees grieving for these people she doesn't recognize because she understands suddenly, realizes that what it'd all meant, but it's far too late because Shar wipes her memory all over again, and her identity is now officially molded into someone completely unrecognizable.

The worst part about it is that Aylin was right about the "terrible blood price" -- the moment Shadowheart kills Aylin, she will never be free from Shar ever again. At this point, she's doomed to be within Shar's clutches forever, her only fate to end up like The Unclaimed (a story about a Sharran cleric who, as the title suggests, was unclaimed by Shar in death). Shadowheart will never be free from Shar as long as she allows her parents to live, and that is so ridiculously fucking petty from a goddess that already took EVERYTHING from this scared little child in the forest who got roped into Shar's undying animosity.

TLDR: Both Shar and Viconia fucking suck, and I want to fistfight Shar (and win, because genuinely, fuck this bitch.)

#character analysis #shadowheart #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #viconia devir #shar #and this is not to even mention that #she was forced to torture her parents #like what the actual fuck???

[scoobydoodean]

Hi! I just wanted to start off by saying that your analyses on the characters are awesome and they really helped further my understanding of the show, so keep up the good work! :D

I was wondering, if you don't mind answering, what did you think of about Dean giving permission for Gadreel/Ezekiel to possess Sam in season 9?

I'm still a bit on the fence about how to feel about it and I thought your particular brand of wisdom might be able to help me out.

Dean had just a few pieces of information at the hospital in 9.01.

Dean knew that Sam had every intention of surviving The Trials in 8.14 and in fact Sam promised he would survive them and show Dean to the light at the end of the tunnel, because Dean was suicidal: "I'm closing the gates. It's a suicide mission for you. [...] I want to slam hell shut, too, okay? But I want to survive it. I want to live, and so should you. You have friends up here, family. I mean, hell, you even got your own room now. You were right, okay? I see light at the end of this tunnel. And I'm sorry you don't – I am. But it's there. And if you come with me, I can take you to it."

Dean observed that Sam became suicidal over the course of The Trials and that this culminated in Sam forsaking his promise and his desire to live and falling into a tailspin where he wanted to die to make himself "pure". Disturbing dialogue from 8.21: "Knights of the Round Table. Had all of King Arthur's knights, and they were all on the quest for the Holy Grail. And I remember looking at this picture of Sir Galahad, and, and, and he was kneeling, and— and light streaming over his face, and— I remember... thinking, uh, I could never go on a quest like that. Because I'm not clean. I mean, I w— I was just a little kid. You think... maybe I knew? I mean, deep down, that— I had... demon blood in me, and about the evil of it, and that I'm— wasn't pure? [...] It doesn't matter anymore. Because these trials... they're purifying me."

Dean pleaded with Sam not to kill himself in 8.23, and Sam agreed, asking, "How do I stop?"

These are the details Dean has prior to Sam falling into a coma. He believes that his brother wanted to commit suicide, but that he did change his mind and decide he wants to live.

Two other notable details:

First, Gadreel earns Dean's trust quickly by risking his ass to help Dean, and then on the phone (after being given the fake name "Ezekiel") Cas, relieved and pleased, vouches for Ezekiel. So Dean has no reason to suspect anything nefarious (and in fact, at this point, Gadreel doesn't have particularly nefarious intentions besides staying in hiding away from other angels).

Second, Dean is not the one who pleads with Sam to live in the dream sequence, getting him to say "Yes". It can't be Dean, because 1) "Dean's" face morphs into Gadreels which is clearly intended to indicate to us that this wasn't Dean speaking 2) If Gadreel was somehow projecting the real Dean into the conversation to give that speech, then Gadreel wouldn't be the one receiving the consent. It would truly be Dean receiving it and not just Gadreel pretending. Those words HAVE to come from Gadreel's mouth for the possession to work—not Dean's. We've seen angels morph into loved ones and mimic their voices perfectly several times.

With all that in mind:

After Gadreel pitches his plan to possess Sam, Dean immediately says it isn't his call to make—it's Sam's. It's after Gadreel shows him Sam falling back into the same suicidality from 8.23—wanting to die so that "no one else can get hurt because of me"—that Dean wavers. Still—at the end of the day, whether Sam agrees to live or not was never Dean's choice, and this is something I often see people get mixed up about. Dean doesn't get to choose whether Sam dies or not. It is still Sam who chooses to live. Sam does this by saying "Yes" to Gadreel. This could not have happened if Sam hadn't changed his mind about living. He doesn't know he's going to be possessed, but he has once again beaten back his suicidality and chosen to live. Sam still had hope in a good future.

Sam chose to live. He did not know he was going to be possessed. That's the issue. However, Dean did not intend to keep Gadreel's possession from Sam after it happened. Dean and Gadreel have this conversation upon leaving the hospital:

DEAN So? How's it look in there? EZEKIEL IN SAM’S BODY Not good. There is much work to be done. DEAN Yeah, but he's gonna wake up, right? EZEKIEL IN SAM’S BODY He will. DEAN So, what he does – what, is he gonna feel you inside, triaging his spleen? EZEKIEL IN SAM’S BODY He will not feel me, no. There is no reason for Sam to know I'm in here at all. DEAN You're joking. No, this is – this is too big. EZEKIEL IN SAM’S BODY And what will he do if you do tell him he is possessed by an angel? DEAN Well, he'll have to understand.

This conversation suggests that Dean's initial thought process was "We perform supernatural life-saving surgery". He just wanted to get Sam to a point where he'd wake up and they could talk. Like any situation with a relative in a coma, that person in a coma can't consent to surgery. The next of kin is the one who gives consent, because their loved one can't. They can only consent to a procedure if awake to do so. So Dean doesn't stop Gadreel from performing life saving surgery, but his intial belief and intent is that they'll put all of this back in Sam's hands when he's awake.

Up to this point, I don't actually have a problem with what Dean's done based on his knowledge. It's here at the end of the episode, where Gadreel convinces Dean to depart from his intial intent and stall, that in my opinion, the "Dean doing something wrong" part starts:

EZEKIEL IN SAM’S BODY And if he does not? Without his acceptance, Sam can eject me at any time, especially with me so weak. And if Sam does eject me, he will die. DEAN Then we keep it a secret for now. Or until Sam's well enough that he doesn't need an angelic pacemaker or I find a way to tell him. I - I... As for him being in a hospital, I'll have to figure something out. EZEKIEL IN SAM’S BODY I can erase it all, if you like. He will not remember any of this.

Dean doesn't feel good about it, but he agrees to keep quiet, because he's scared Sam will yet again make a suicidal play. Dean is riddled with guilt in the following episodes over lying to Sam, and in 9.08, Dean tries to tell Sam he's possessed, but Gadreel takes over Sam's body and stops him. Dean comes clean again in 9.09, only for Gadreel to stop Sam from receiving the news again.

So. Dean's mistake is lying to Sam. He shouldn't have lied to him. Point blank. At the same time, had Dean pushed the issue, would Gadreel have been willing to be expelled? Would he ever have allowed Dean to tell Sam the truth, from the moment he was... installed? Or was Dean screwed from the beginning, and was the idea that he got to choose any of this—any bit of it—really just... an illusion to keep Dean compliant with the possession that was keeping Gadreel under the radar?

Think about it for a second. Why did Gadreel ask Dean's permission? He didn't ever need Dean's permission to do any of this. He didn't need Dean's permission to trick Sam. He didn't need Dean's permission to remove Sam's memory of the hospital. He didn't need Dean's permission to keep the fact that he was possessing Sam a secret. He could have done every bit of this without asking. The problem was, Dean probably would have caught onto the disappearing angel act, and Gadreel would have had to get violent, and for the first part of season 9, Gadreel doesn't want to get violent! He just wants a place to lay low, and sees an opportunity to prove he's a good angel who helps humans—not just the angel who let the serpent into the garden. Getting Dean's "consent" might ease his own conscience about nonconsensual possession or be a way to keep Dean compliant or both, but ultimately, these are more questions worth weighing imo, because Supernatural loves to toy with the illusion that Dean has power in situations where he doesn’t, and in this case, he doesn't... actually have any power at all... does he?

That said, when it comes right down to it, Dean still did something wrong by helping keep the secret—by not trying to tell Sam the truth immediately because he was scared. And well. Okay. So what?

This is a show with characters who have good intentions but still make mistakes. As Cas will say about this later, "You were stupid for the right reasons". We get some great insights into the pitfalls that lead Dean down this path, and it's interesting to watch that happen and then later, see a broken mirror as Sam endeavors to prove through season 10 what Dean is willing to do can't touch what Sam is ultimately willing to do to keep Dean around.

Here's the thing—I don't believe for a single second that Sam wouldn't do the exact same thing in 9.01 had their positions been reversed. Sam and Dean have a conversation along these lines at the end of 9.13 "The Purge":

DEAN All right, you want to be honest? If the situation were reversed and I was dying, you'd do the same thing. SAM No, Dean. I wouldn't. Same circumstances...I wouldn't. 

This genuinely wounds Dean and gets brought up a few times, but then in 9.23 when it's brought up for the last time in another context:

DEAN What happened with you being okay with this? SAM I lied.

Sam never gets the chance to do the exact same thing to Dean, but he has already gone behind Dean's back to try and save his life before. He's used Dean's death to justify doing things Dean begged him not to do on his behalf. He kept the case they were actually on under wraps as he inched toward a plan to turn himself and Dean into Frankenstein's monsters in 3.15 (and really the only reason it didn't work is that Sam got captured by Doc Benton and Dean had to save his ass, and then Sam morosely helped dig the grave). Sam went behind Dean's back directly against his wishes to threaten a crossroad's demon in 3.05. In season 10, he violates Dean's consent by removing the Mark of Cain from Dean's arm using the Book of the Damned, which not only requires an overt human sacrifice of Oskar and gets a woman named Suzie killed in "The Werther Project" because Sam refuses to heed her warnings, but also results in the apocalypse... and all of this was something Dean asked Sam not to do, and Sam did every bit of it to get his brother back, and while standing in the wreckage in 11.01, echoed Dean's line from 9.13, saying, "I would do it again". Dean signed the supernatural possession next-of-kin consent form, and the fallout was Kevin and Sam. Sam violated Dean's consent and tens of thousands of people died and he said he'd do it again while they died around him.

#also i got excited but xoxo 😘 #season 9 #9.01 #gadreel #the flannel business #3.15 #3.05 #11.01 #9.13 #8.14 #9.08 #9.09 #mail

[sunlightmurdock]

Our Final Night Alive | Jake Seresin x virgin Reader (18+)

Synopsis: Reader is having a really hard time the night before a particularly scary mission, Jake shows his true colours and stands by her side.

Warnings: smut, angst, themes of loss / grief and fear

Please DNI if you’re a minor!!

…

“You’re gonna have to write me some kind of manual,” Jake muses as he puts an olive between his teeth and bites down on it. You raise an eyebrow at him, waiting for the explanation that will inevitably accompany this request. “On abstinence, I mean. I have no idea how you do it.”

You roll your eyes and look back down at your drink, stirring it with your straw. You rarely dignify Jake’s allusions to your sex-life (or lack of) with a response.

It’s the night before deployment. He should be with the others, drinking and revelling in their last moments of guaranteed safety. You should be with them too. They’re gathered around the piano, singing melancholy lyrics to an upbeat tune. But, Jake’s here with you, in a booth at the back of the Hard Deck.

You’ve always struggled with the night before deployment. Maybe it’s the distance — deep down you know that it’s the not knowing. Even if you knew that this deployment would be your last, you just would rather know. It’s the fear of not coming home, or of coming home without the people you’re closest to in the world.

This mission isn’t simple. It’s going to be a miracle if everyone makes it back alive. It’s practically a suicide mission. And you’re team leader.

You turn your head to look at them all. Rooster’s cheeks are flushed warm and red, he’s grinning as Javy drums on the top of the piano. They’re all singing, but Fanboy is laughing so hard he can barely get the words out. Something that Bob had whispered to him moments earlier that he just can’t get over.

It feels like you’re watching them in slow motion. Just looking them over, seeing the flush of life — of joy — in their faces.

The thought of having to explain to one of their families why their loved one isn’t here anymore makes you feel sick.

“Come on, you’re not gonna bite?” Jake teases, drawing you back to reality. You turn your head back toward him. “You always bite when I joke about your virtue.”

You pick up one of the olives and throw it at his face, your lips quirking slightly as it bounces off of his cheek and rolls onto the floor.

Jake grins at the small but certain success of finally getting you to smile. Even if it’s at his expense.

The relationship you have with Hangman is complicated. It started off as hatred. You hated his stupid Ken-doll looks, his smug remarks and his reckless abandon when flying. Then it became rivalry. All about being the best. The best at flying, at schmoozing Admirals, about your planes being up to standard.

Somewhere in between, it had almost become a friendship.

You still don’t quite get him. You don’t always get his need to make a joke of things. He doesn’t always get your need to worry. There are days when Maverick would just want to knock your heads together to get you to quit bickering. And then there are days that the two of you were as thick as thieves.

That is, when he isn’t joking about your ‘virtue’, for lack of a better word. Three months ago, thanks to a slip up from your high school best friend when she was in town, Jake had discovered that you hadn’t yet had sex. Since then, he had used every given opportunity to bring it up in some way or another. He was perplexed by it.

You understood the confusion. You were an adult. A pilot. You had a successful career and a pretty face. Jake had been guessing at why exactly you hadn’t had sex — but he had been miles from the truth with each guess he had made.

It wasn’t like you hadn’t had ample opportunity through your life. There had been plenty of men who would have been more than happy to become a notch in your unscathed bedpost. But it just wasn’t that simple.

“Really though, I’m about to spend the next week sleeping in a bunk below Rooster,” Hangman took a sip of his beer and looked past you at the piano, shaking his head disapprovingly, yet smiling. “Don’t exactly want to wake up hard and the first thing I see is that fucking moustache. Y’know?”

You smile slightly as you take a long drink. Jake always has such a way with words. Your thought makes you laugh slightly. Jake’s smile widens, he thinks he’s cheered you up a little.

“So, what do you do? — to stop yourself from thinking about sex?”

“Can’t miss something you haven’t had.” You answer him simply, smiling as he rolls his eyes at you. He looks particularly perfect tonight, annoyingly. The night before deployment, everyone’s in their dress whites. You know Jake secretly loves wearing them. Why wouldn’t he? — He looks like he was born to be in them.

“C’mon, I know you get horny like the rest of us.” Jake squints his eyes at you, gauging your reaction for any hint of agreement.

“Sure, sometimes.” You watch his eyes light up. He’s right. You’ve just admitted he’s right, maybe for the first time ever. It makes you laugh, the excitement on his face.

“I was starting to think you’d never admit it.” He grins. “So, bestow your wisdom upon me, Ace.”

You shake your head at him and take another drink, “No wisdom. Just more self-control than you have, I guess.” Jake chuckles against the rim of his beer bottle.

You turn your head as something smashes across the bar. Just a drunk patron knocking a glass off of a table. But then something else catches your eye. Maverick and Penny standing together outside. They’re staring at the waves, her hand gripping his tightly.

You watch them just standing together.

You don’t even notice Jake following your gaze, once he realises that you aren’t listening to a word he is saying. His brows scrunch slightly as he looks them over, then looks back to you. It’s been years now, and he still doesn’t have you figured out.

Each time he thinks he’s getting close, something else comes up, always keeping him an arms length from really knowing you.

“Ace?” You barely hear him. It’s like you’re dreaming and he’s trying to wake you up. Mav and Penny aren’t even doing anything, they’re just standing together, but you can’t make yourself look away. “Ace? — You okay?”

His fingers curl around yours, startling you. You look back to him and let out a breath. He’s concerned, features hardened as he looks at you, waiting for some kind of answer.

It’s then that you notice the tears that have brimmed in your eyes.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” His voice is soft as he squeezes your hand in his. Your brows furrow slightly as you quickly wipe the tears from your eyes. You know you must look ridiculous if he’s worried for you and not making jokes.

You shake your head quickly and sniffle, “It’s just been a long day. I think I’m gonna go home, get some rest.”

Jake’s lips part, brows knotting even further in confusion as you begin to slide out of the booth.

“Wha — wait, Ace, what the fuck?”

You hear him behind you but the pounding in your chest keeps you moving. You leave out of the side entrance, not wanting to interrupt Mav and Penny on the beach. The door takes a few extra seconds to slam after you’re out of it, confirming that Jake is still following you. You curse under your breath.

“Will you wait up?” He calls to you.

You make it to your car before you realise that your keys are still inside, along with your bag.

“Fuck!” You kick the tyre. Jake reaches you and puts his hand on your shoulder, turning you to look at him, baffled at your behaviour.

“D’you want to tell me what’s going on?” He breathes, shaking his head slightly as he looks you over. You shake him off of you and kick the car door,

“I left my fucking keys inside.”

Jake knows how much you love that car. You once threatened to shave his head for hitting it with his duffel bag on accident when you had picked him up for the airport. Yet, here you are leaving a mark in its pristine white paint job with the bottom of your shoe.

You turn and look back towards the bar. At your friends. You can’t bare to go back in there and be amongst all those smiling faces. Jake looks between your and the Hard Deck, still completely lost.

“Well, alright — stay here, okay? — I’m gonna be right back.” Jake starts towards the door you had both just exited through, “Don’t move.”

You fall back against the car, trying to regulate your breathing as Jake takes off inside. He’s only gone for a few seconds. As he returns, he sees you staring at the stars. There are tears rolling silently down your cheeks.

He stops in the doorway and observes. Jake has seen you take bird strikes, upwards of 7G’s and even a fractured eye socket without so much as a whimper. He’s never seen you cry before.

You hear his shoes on the ground and try to compose yourself. He’s standing beside you by the time you’re wiping the tears from your cheeks, taking in shaking breaths.

“Look, Ace,” He’s not looking at you. He’s staring down at the ground between your shoes. You appreciate that. “Why don’t you let me drive you home? — I’ve had like half a beer, I’m happy to do it.”

Just that afternoon, you had threatened to break Hangman’s hand if he considered touching the wheel of this car. Yet, you nod now. You let him open the passenger side and you let him take the driver’s seat.

In another circumstances, Jake would’ve been grinning like the Cheshire Cat. He has been bugging you to let him take this thing for a spin since you had got it. A pristine condition white 1962 Corvette convertible. Now, he admires it silently as he takes the wheel.

You turn the radio on, just so that he doesn’t have to listen to the sound of you sniffling as he drives you back to your place. You’re pissed that you’re in such a mess in front of Hangman, of all people. Something in his demeanour tells you that he won’t tell anyone about this, though.

As he pulls up outside of your apartment, it’s clear that there’s no doubt in his mind that he’s coming inside. You resent it slightly as the two of you walk up to your front door — the fact that he feels that you shouldn’t be alone.

“Look, I’m just probably gonna,” You pause and sniffle as Jake turns the key in the front door, “Just gonna take a shower and head to bed.”

Jake nods, then opens the door for you, “Alright. Well, I’m gonna hang out in the living room for a bit… if you wanted to talk or anything.”

You don’t argue, leaving him to it as you brush past him and walk straight to the bathroom. Jake’s brows furrow slightly as he watches the enigma that is his co-worker head down the hall.

He shuts the door behind him, locks up. He grabs himself a beer from the fridge, figuring he’s probably going to spend the night on your couch. He settles in, kicking his feet up on the coffee table in your absence, watching Ice Road Truckers.

He listens to the water turn on three minutes into his first episode. Makes sense, you had to get completely out of your dress whites and also out of that slicked back, Navy-Mandated, bun.

He isn’t paying much attention to the television. Jake’s thinking the night over as he nurses his beer. He wonders what it is about seeing Maverick and Penny just holding hands that was enough to make you freak out like that.

He considers for a moment that maybe you’re in love with Maverick, but then rules that out.

It’s not until a few minutes in to the second episode that Jake thinks to check his watch and realises it’s been forty-five minutes since you got in. Having three sisters, Jake knows that girls can take their time in the shower — but he doesn’t feel right about you taking so long. He sets the beer down on the coffee table and pushes himself up, heading towards the bathroom.

“Ace?” He knocks softly at the door and waits twenty seconds for an answer before he knocks and calls your name again. “Ace, you okay?”

He gives you longer to respond that time.

“Ace, you’ve got three seconds to answer me or I’m coming in.”

He waits five seconds, just in case you’re doing this to be difficult. Then, he turns the handle and lets himself in.

“I’m fine.” You sniffle from behind the shower curtain. Jake sighs in relief. He steps into the room and sits on the floor, his back resting against the side of the tub, “Don’t scare me like that.” He chastises.

You’re standing under the stream of borderline too hot water, exactly like you have been since you washed your conditioner out thirty minutes ago. You consider what he’s just said. Then you consider the fact that he’s sitting on your bathroom floor and that the only thing separating him from your naked body is the shower curtain.

It doesn’t make you uncomfortable. Oddly, you do feel a little better with him here.

“Are you going to tell me what the fuck is going on? — because you’re freaking me out.” Hangman bends his knees and rests his forearms on them, shaking his head slightly.

You rest your forehead against the tile. He waits for a while in silence. The lump in your throat is back. You’ve been crying for thirty minutes, and questions like that make you just want to start all over again. Jake listens to you take a shaking breath behind the curtain.

“My mom died.”

His features contort, confused to the point that you can almost hear his expression when he asks, “What?”

You swallow a sob, wiping the water and tears from your face as you try to regulate your breath. “When I was a kid. She was a cop, she died on duty.”

Jake closes his eyes as he realises what an asshole he’s been.

“It ruined my dad’s life. Seeing him like that-“ You don’t finish your sentence but he knows what you mean. You swallow hard, trying to ignore the lump in your throat.

Jake thinks of all of the time he has spent over the last three months joking, teasing you and making guesses as to why you had never had sex. He wishes you had just hit him or something.

“I’m sorry.” His voice is gentle. You don’t think you’ve ever heard him be serious for this long before. He is sorry. He’s sorry for all of it all at once.

You aren’t sure what makes you do it, but you turn off the water and pull back the curtain. Jake doesn’t really even have time to respond before you’ve dropped yourself into his lap and thrown yourself against his chest. His arms wrap around you instinctively as you bury your face in the crook of his neck.

“Hey,” He trails his fingertips along the length of your bare spine, bringing his other hand to cup the back of your head, holding you against him. “It’s okay.”

You’re trembling against him as he holds you.

“I’ve never wanted to let anyone close, but—” Your voice is half muffled by his shoulder, but he can still hear you, even through your cracking voice. “Fuck, aren’t you scared of dying alone?”

He wraps his arm around your waist and holds you closer, his features serious. “You’re not going to die, Ace.”

It feels like his arms around you, his heart beating against yours, are the only things keeping you grounded in reality right now. You grab the back of his neck, pulling yourself closer against him, “You don’t know that, no one does.”

Jake brushes your hair back off of your shoulders, not caring that you’re soaking wet, “I know that. You know me, I’m right about everything.” He squeezes you in his arms.

“I’m so scared of never loving anyone like he loved her,” You whisper. “I’m even more scared of loving someone like that and losing them again. Or them losing me. How could I put someone through that?”

He turns his head and kisses your temple, “Letting someone love you is scary stuff.” He agrees softly. His fingers brush softly along the your back.

“But,” He breathes, “You’re the best pilot I know. Besides me. Nothing bad is going to happen if you let someone in.”

You pull back to look him in the eye, your cheeks tear-stained and blotchy. He wipes your cheeks with his thumbs, holding your face in his hands.

“You can’t be sure of that.” Your voice cracks slightly.

He shakes his head, “No one knows when it’s gonna happen. There’s more chance of you getting eaten by a shark than something going wrong on a mission, you’re incredible up there. When have you ever let being scared of something hold you back before?”

You look him over, wondering where Hangman went, and why you hadn’t been looking at Jake all along. Jake with three sisters and a mother who he respected more than he respected the Navy itself. Jake who is here, now, when he should’ve been drinking with his buddies.

It happens quickly. You have no idea what you’re thinking, but you just do it. You lean forward and press your lips to his, his hands still holding your jaw as he lets you move in.

It’s when you pull back from the kiss, both of your eyes equally wide, that it occurs to you that you’re naked. You glance down, then back up, finding that his eyes have dropped to also look you over.

“Ace,” Jake swallows, shaking his head, “I’m sorry. I- We shouldn’t.”

“Please.” You say it without meaning to. You press your palms against his chest and shift, swinging one leg over his hip. He stares at you, a thousand thoughts racing through his mind all at once.

You make the decision for him as you lean forwards again and kiss him. He relaxes against you, sliding his hands down to hold your waist. You’re not surprised that he’s a good kisser, you know he’s had a lot of practice.

It should feel weird. Doing this. With Jake, of all people. But you don’t find yourself minding at all. You push your fingers up into his hair, humming as he slips his tongue into your mouth.

You feel his hands begin to wander. His hands slide down over the curve of your ass as his hips rock forward against yours.

“Take me to bed.” You murmur against his lips.

He hesitates, eyes closed as you lower your head and press your lips softly against the length of his neck — what’s visible of it over his white collar, anyway. You leave a few kisses along his throat, feeling his hands squeeze softly against your ass.

Then, against his better judgement, he stands. Jake guides your legs around his waist as he does so, pressing his lips to yours softly and then carrying you to your room. He’s been here before a few times. You live close to base, so you have your friends over when you can.

He doesn’t let you go as he lowers you onto your mattress and covers your body with his, brushing your hair back gently off of your face. You taste the beer on his tongue, you smell the soft cologne on his neck, you feel his hands on your skin. You’re here with him.

Your fingers find the golden top button of his jacket and pop it open as he kisses your neck. You hum softly, pushing your head back against the mattress as his lips work against you.

He’s settled between your legs. He lets you unbutton his jacket, but it’s as he’s shrugging it off of his shoulders that he pulls back and looks at you with concern.

“Ace — are you sure you wanna do this?”

“Please, Jake.” You whisper.

It’s now, that he’s on his knees between your legs, that he takes a moment to look admire what’s before him. You watch him, your heart thundering out of your chest as he reaches out and trails his fingertips along the centre of your body, from your collarbones to your pelvis.

“You’re so beautiful,” Jake murmurs, stroking softly along your thighs. “Can I touch you?”

You know what he means. His eyes fall shamelessly to look at your core. Part of you wants to press your legs together and kick him out. But, you nod.

If feels almost ridiculous, that he’s completely dressed before you and you’ve been naked in front of him for a while now.

But, as he moves forwards and captures your lips in a soft, borderline romantic, kiss — it’s all forgotten. You tense slightly as you feel his fingers move between your legs, but Jake knows what he’s doing. He doesn’t move too fast. He spends a moment just teasing his fingers along your folds until you subconsciously part your legs a little further for him.

“That’s it, baby.” He coos, and the reaction your body has to that is surprising to both of you. It’s like he can feel when you relax into him. Jake’s middle finger finds your clit as he kisses your shoulder. Then he kisses your chest, your collarbones.

He works his way down, just gently grazing his fingertip in circles over your clit. He’s barely applying any pressure at all, yet you’re whimpering softly.

It’s when his hips roll forward as he’s leaving open-mouthed kisses on your chest that you find that he’s rock hard. You hips push eagerly against his hand.

Jake can’t help it. The girl that he’s been obsessed with for months literally fell into his lap tonight, and naked too. You watch as he adjusts himself over his pants, his cock straining uncomfortably against the white material.

He applies some pressure between your legs finally, groaning softly as he massages your breast with his other hand. You jolt slightly as his tongue dances across your hardened nipple.

“Jake…” You breathe out, lips parting as you’re met with concerned blue eyes. He stops, worried he’s done something wrong. You push yourself up and kiss him, confirming that you’re whispering his name for all of the right reasons.

Spurred on, Jake slides his finger down and presses it into you. You’re half-distracted by his tongue caressing yours, so you’re surprised when you moan against his lips.

“I’ll take care of you, baby, don’t you worry.” He promises, watching your features as he slides a second finger into you. You swallow hard, then whine, pushing your hips against his hand.

He takes his bottom lip between his teeth as he curls his fingers gently inside of you, his eyes focused on yours. Your arousal coats his fingers, you arch yourself up into him slightly.

He works you open for him, eyes on you the entire time. Your eyes are closed. You don’t see the way that he studies you, observes your sensitivities. You don’t see the list in those ice-cold eyes as he brings you to an orgasm with just his fingers, his thumb grazing softly over your clit.

You’re hurrying him out of his clothes next. It’s all so desperate. You’ve seen Jake’s body before, he’s constantly wearing shorts and flexing his muscles. But, as he slides out of his boxers and kneels before you in nothing but his dog tags, you’re reminded that this is one of your closest friends in front of you now.

You swallow hard. His delicate touch makes it hard to believe that him and the guy you had wanted to punch so many times are the same person. He covers your body with his flawlessly tanned and muscled form, kissing your lips sweetly and brushing some hair back from your face.

“You’re sure?” He whispers, rock hard against your thigh. You nod at him feverishly, skimming your fingertips along his sides, pulling him closer to you.

You both take in soft breaths as he pushes into you, your eyes meeting. He catches your jaw, holding you still as he presses his length further in.

You can’t remember the first time you noticed how annoyingly blue Jake’s eyes were. But, as you’re staring at them now, you notice the softness of them for the first time. Usually they’re sharp, twinkling, mischievous. Now, they’re just pools of calm blue water — safety on the horizon.

Jake swallows, glancing down between your bodies. You watch his Adam’s apple bob and push forward, pressing your lips to the side of his throat. His eyes close gently, he presses his lips to your temple.

You notice the stretch as his hips press flush against yours, but you aren’t phased by any kind of pain. Especially not when he groans softly against your temple and presses himself closer to you. All you care about is that he’s here.

“Feels like you’re fucking made for me, baby.” He murmurs, curling his fingers against your roots, letting out a shivering breath as he begins to roll his hips forwards. He’s not quite thrusting, just rocking his hips softly to get you used to the feeling.

You inhale him. He smells like the cologne he picked up in the airport last year — the one he only wears on special occasions. He smells vaguely of jet fuel. He smells like your soap. Each breath you take, you’re trying to push yourself closer to him.

Your indication of comfort creates something deeper. It becomes desperate all of a sudden. You’re both panting against each other’s lips, he’s driving himself deep into you, his cock filling you in the most perfect way. His heart is thundering in his chest, so much so that you feel like you can almost hear his pulse.

You’re dizzied by him, your hands are all over the place. In his hair, along his back, digging into the backs of his biceps.

He ruts himself deeper into you at the feeling. His hands are in your hair, his lips find yours, he’s moaning softly against you. You surprise yourself when you moan for him as his cock brushes a particularly sensitive spot. It’s a confident sound.

“Sound so fucking pretty, Ace.” Jake whispers, nudging the tip of your nose with his until you’re looking at him again. His gaze anchors you, it keeps you here with him. It’s just you and him, the curtains are open and a blue neon light from somewhere outside has tinted his skin.

You curl your fingers around the back of his neck, his curl around your jaw. You observe each other’s vulnerability up close. Jake is the one to close his eyes first, to move forwards and kiss you deeply. He guides your leg up higher around his waist and drives himself deeper into you.

“Fuck…” you whisper, watching his lips quirk up into a soft smile. He never could resist a stroke to his ego.

He rests his elbow beside your head, his other hand still cradling your jaw as he kisses you once more. Reminded of his strength as you catch sight of his flexed bicep at your side, you skim your fingers along each toned ridge of his stomach.

“I-I’m really close.” You admit, your breath shaking as you look down between your bodies. Jake nods softly, curling his fist tightly in your sheets, “That’s it, darling. Go ahead.”

His voice is deep and that southern accent that slips out sometimes — that one that you’ve made fun of him for so many times — inexplicably might be what pushes you over the edge.

Jake’s lips part softly at the sound you make, and you feel his cock twitch inside of you as he makes you cum. He bottoms out erratically, breathing hard against the base of your neck. You grasp at his back, digging your nails lightly into his skin.

“Fuck, Jake.” You whimper, pushing your head back hard against the mattress. He grunts softly, leaving feverish kisses along your collarbones. You curl one leg around his waist, leaning your head back as far as you can against the mattress to give his lips better access to your throat.

“I’m gonna cum.” He pants against your jaw. You’re so enamoured in him that you don’t find yourself caring in the slightest. In fact, whichever part of your brain that’s in control right now, guides your legs tighter around his waist, pulling him closer.

Jake’s knuckles whiten around your sheets, his other hand remains gentle and steadfast on your jaw. You gasp softly, taking your lip between your teeth as he fills you. He seeks out your lips and kisses you hard, desperate.

Your legs, trembling, relax slightly as he rolls off of you and pulls you into his arms. He kisses your forehead and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, then holds you against his chest. You kiss his chest gently, reaching out and taking his dog tags in your palm.

He moves his head back and watches you examine them.

“This isn’t the end, Ace.” He promises, trailing his fingertips delicately along the length of your spine. He kisses the top of your head and rests his chin against you.

You wonder what he means. Whether it’s the end of things between you and him, before they’ve even really begun. Or the end of everything.

“Can you stay here tonight?” You whisper softly, brushing your thumb over the engraving in the metal. Jake nods his head quickly. “I don’t wanna be alone.”

He nods. Jake understands. For once, he feels like he finally gets you.

…

#jake seresin #Jake Seresin smut #jake hangman seresin #hangman x reader #hangman smut #hangman top gun #hangman x you #glen powell

[softxsuki]

Hey (again)! Ive come back again with another urgent request (sorry) I was wondering if you could do a suicidal reader x nanami the reader is a sorcerer and powers are : they can technically spawn anything from a portal including void swords abd all that stuff - they can also blind their enemies with their powers.

Thank you and even though it is an urgent request take your time and have rest ,sleep and stay healthy (here's a star ⭐ for your hard work) ! My parents are fighting right now and I'm currently upset from the past few days and this 👌 close to giving up but then I remember people that r here for me including you but have a great night and thank you 💞

Nanami with Suicidal S/O

PLEASE DON'T READ IF MENTIONS OF SUICIDE WILL DO YOU MORE HARM THAN GOOD

IF YOU OR ANYONE YOU KNOW IS STRUGGLING WITH THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE, PLEASE REACH OUT FOR HELP.

Pairing: Nanami x Gn!Reader

Warnings: mentions of suicide attempt, wanting to die, reckless abandonment, depression, crying, hopelessness, desperation

Genre: Comfort

Post-Type: Headcanons

Word Count: 730

Summary: In which you're on a mission with Nanami and instead of fighting back, you stop and give the curse a chance to kill you, but not before Nanami steps in to help

[A/N: Hey again! Knowing you came back for another urgent request just is proof enough that you enjoyed my writing and that means a lot! No idea what you're going through in life, but I hope this helps you out, even if it's just a little. I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to <3 hope you enjoy!]

Nanami:

Nanami holds your life dearly to him

Your life is precious to him, a life force that he’d never put on the line; he’d sacrifice himself if it meant keeping you alive and well

Loss was a part of his job, he’s already lost countless friends and students, he couldn’t lose you–that would break him

So on one of your missions together when he saw you just stop mid-battle as a curse was seconds away from tearing you apart–he raced into action, adrenaline coursing through him as he ran faster than ever to get you

Your portal was open, it was there for you to easily defeat the lower level curse before you, but you just stood there

That’s when he knew 100% that something was going on with you

He’d seen little signs of it before, like seeing you distance yourself from him little by little, noticing the dark circles under your eyes, your sudden reckless actions, mood swings– all the signs were there, yet you managed to cover it all up so well

It wasn’t until this very moment that it became certain you were trying to die–you were trying to leave him all alone, how would he move forward without you–the love of his life?

This mission was supposed to be simple, he invited you for the sake of spending more time together since you were slowly pushing him farther and farther away

Almost losing you wasn’t in his agenda for the day

He could feel his pulse echoing in his throat as he pulls you away from the curse, quickly exorcizing the last few curses before approaching you

His adrenaline is still racing, so his initial response is rage

“What were you thinking?! Were you really trying to get yourself killed?! Your portal was open, why did you freeze up like that?” He chokes up on his words, falling to his knees before you as tears fall from his eyes, this snaps you out of whatever trance you’re in

You hadn’t seen Nanami so worked up to the point of crying since he lost Haibara back in high school, that’s when you realize what a mistake you almost made

“I-I’m sorry” it’s the only thing you can manage to say to him

He tries to calm himself down, feeling exhaustion hit him from the sudden adrenaline rush

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap, I just…I almost lost you. I can’t allow that to happen. I don’t know exactly what’s going on with you that you felt like this was your only option, but I can’t lose you, Y/N. I love you so much, you’re my everything, please don’t leave me. Please” he begged, taking your hand in his as he leaves kisses to the back of it, scared to let you go, in fear that he’d never feel the warmth of your hands again, never feel your heart beating against him again…he was terrified

You didn’t think being gone would affect someone so much, sometimes you forgot that you had people in your life that really cared for you, your depression clouding your mind so much

It isn’t until you both go back home and settle down when you open up about your struggles with him

Your internal battles and your troubles at home that all became too much to handle at times

He’d quietly listen to every word you had to say, tracing circles on the back of your hand whenever you stopped speaking at times, finding it difficult to emotionally open up to someone, but he was there. He cared. He really cared

Nanami would ask you what you’d like him to do; of course he’d help in his own way, like asking if you’d like to speak with a professional for help, but if not, he’s more than okay with helping you in any way he can

Moving forward, he keeps a closer eye on you, whether it be holding you more often, inviting you out, staying at home, talking things out–he’d go to the moon and back if it meant helping you feel better and not wanting to leave this world without him

One day at a time–you just need to get through each day one by one, and you’re definitely not alone, he’d be right by your side, taking your hand and walking every step with you

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 08/28/2023

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