#i made one a few months ago

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[doctorsiren]

So I said this in the tags of my last post, but then I went wacky and doodled up some pages of this other AU idea that stemmed from the idea of that comic I did

In this AU, Miles goes to Diego Armando’s office a few weeks after the Fawles trial. There is no cocky, arrogant, or smug air about him like there was during the trial and instead he seems really shaken and nervous. Diego’s like “hey what’s wrong?” And Miles is quiet but then says that he needs help. He tells Diego that he can’t get the image of Fawles’s suicide out of his head and that he has no one he can talk to about this. Diego asks about Miles’s mentor, but Miles says that there’s absolutely no way he could ever go to his mentor for help with emotional stuff because it would show “weakness” and he also isn’t comfortable with von Karma. To make a long story short (because I’ve thought so much about this), Miles ends up pleading with Diego to protect him from von Karma just in case he goes after him for switching sides to be a defense attorney. He knows that von Karma will see him as weak and a traitor for switching teams after a single case, but Miles can’t be someone he’s not. Diego points out that Miles seems to be trying to be who von Karma wanted him to be. So he asks Miles what he wants to be, and Miles responds by saying he wants to be his dad (just like in my 1985 animatic 😭).

So Miles decides to renounce prosecution. He rips off his cravat and throws it in the garbage in Diego’s office and declares that he’ll become a defense attorney. He also asks Diego is he could be his mentor to help him in both being better at defense law and also just being better with interacting with people.

He joins the Grossberg Law Offices and works alongside Mia and Diego to gather evidence on Dahlia Hawthorne, as he now too believes that she has done terrible things.

After Diego is poisoned, Miles freaks out because people just keep dying or getting hurt around him and it scares him. (Oh…baby boy just wait until Mia dies too-)

He takes the case to defend Phoenix, gets TERRIFIED when Phoenix eats the poison necklace, and then at the end, Phoenix was like “oh wow! You’re a defense attorney now?? Lmao when did that happen??” Bc he had been too busy simping over Dahlia. But Miles tells him that he should still pursue law so that they could work together and also so that Phoenix’s law classes and studying wouldn’t have gone to waste. So Phoenix becomes a lawyer and works with Miles and Mia at the Fey & Co Law Offices until she dies and then it becomes Edgeworth & Co Law Offices because he had been a lawyer for longer.

I like the idea that in this AU, Phoenix and Miles obviously have huge crushes on each other, but these idiots still refuse to acknowledge or admit it <3

Also :((( when Diego wakes up, he still goes on his whole antagonist arc as Godot, and Miles refuses to tell Phoenix the truth about who he is. See, I also like the idea that in this AU, Nick and Miles are still as cagey with their past and truths as they are in normal AA

As you can see, I am perfectly normal !! I think about ace attorney a very normal amount!! 🤭

#doctorsiren #ace attorney #ace attorney au #miles edgeworth #diego armando #mia fey #phoenix wright #feenie #bratworth #narumitsu #wrightworth #prosecutor godot #maya fey #iris fey #franziska von karma #defenseworth au #ace attorney fanart #doodle pages #art #digital art #my art #fanart #procreate #what should I call this AU??? for some reason i can come up with really good ones for other fandoms but I have a hard time with AA AU names #I mean one of my AUs is literally called ‘silly little monster AU’ soooo #he looks way too much like Milo Thatch /pos #I AM NORMAL!!! HEHEHE #dude how many AUs have I made in the past few days?? like 4 counting this one? and not counting SLM AU bc that started a month ago #for funsies!! we can combine this AU and the Godot AU I made and so everyone can be happy!!!! 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥 #<- I live in a constant state of denial /j

[jestlingnest]

#i made this one a few weeks ago but i think it is ready to see the world now #or was it months? i forget #ultrakill

[mjulmjul]

hello bisexuals

#bisexual #pride month #digital art #artists on tumblr #pride #yeah this is very similar to the rainbow one I made a few days ago but I NEEDED a bi version too :))

[yuurionviktor]

bone nun harrow

#harrow the ninth #gideon the ninth #the locked tomb #harrowhark nonagesimus #tlt fanart #u know I loooove my bby harrow I’ll do one million version of her #but also I am thinking of doing like a few sketches in this style #some featuring Gideon and maybe them fighting even (sexy) (affectionate) #things ive made #I forgot to sign up for tlt exchange 😭😭😭 #the stupidest part is that I opened the form like two months ago but I just couldn’t come up with a decent fic prompt?? #I just wanted to sign up to do fic illustrations 🤧🤧🤧

[halfusek]

Are we laughing? Are we crying? Are we drowning? Are we dead? Or is it all a dream?

#HI i made lineart for it few months ago and got a sudden kick of inspiration to finish it at midnight today. #it is now 3am as i post it but hey will take any chance to break outta the art stagnation aha #i feel like there is a bit too much going on in this image but oh well ive had fun going ham with the colors and textures XD #wouldnt be halfusek art without eyestraining colors #bendy and the ink machine #bendy and the dark revival #batim #batdr #halfart #the ink demon #joey drew #henry stein #alice angel #allison angel #boris the wolf #the projectionist #tom boris #the butcher gang #sammy lawrence #the lost ones #yipee yipee yipee yipee #cw gore #cw body horror #cw violence #HA #cw guts #cartoon ones but still #cw eye strain #cw bright colors #the song is the violence by rise against :)

[bluesgras]

fire is COOL OKAY

#blues notespad #tmnt #tmnt snapdragon #rottmnt #rottmnt michelangelo #i unintentionaly redrew that one drawing i made a few months ago #i just like drawing mikey and fire okay

[froggtogs]

what a strange horse you got there wild

#art #fanart #linked universe fanart #linked universe #i felt bad for not giving him a face in my last post so i made sure he had one this time #and a bear #bears are pretty cool ngl #i didn’t know you could ride bears in botw until a few months ago #noise filters my beloved #lu wild #froggtogs

[marsuro]

Huetobervember day 13

This really insane outfit from Phantom of The Opera (ref under the cut)!

#huetobervember #art challenge 2023 #phantom of the opera #poto musical #poto art #phantom of the opera art #one of my besties showed me a few phantom adaptations and im so insane about this look #ok i cheated a bit with this piece bc i made it a few months ago #but im so far behind and ive been waiting to post it so bad

[fuck-kirk]

Oh btw. I made a It Fucken WIMDY cup. If you even care.

#I have a lot of lil cups I made like this a few months ago #mott txt #motts art #motts ceramics #I’ll post more of my pots on here soon. I think y’all will enjoy them #they all sold at an arts festival at the beginning of the semester #I made almost 2k in sales it was sweet #I make a LOT of work I just never post it here hbsjskk #but figured the it fucken wimdy webbedsite would enjoy this one

[poepill]

happy belated valentines day quodo upon thee! originally posted on ao3 for the quodo minifest, this was my valentines for @chacusha, who organized the event! i had a ton of fun drawing them and im definitely looking forward to next year <333

+ bonus art based on the comic by Kate Beaton, Javert is in Slash Fiction:

#quodo #quodo minifest #star trek #star trek ds9 #Quark/Odo Kiss ///REAL NOT FAKE/// CLICK HERE>>>>> #did someone say quodo rights night??? either way Here it IS <3 #i added image descriptions to the alt text but let me know if you need them visible under the post as well! #initially i was going to post this to twitter months ago but alas. re: the state of things and life in general #anyway this was so much fun !! it literally got me motivated to draw...i couldn't stop i had to keep going and did another...then another.. #i should compile all the other drawing i did of them bc oh Boy there were a Few #also getting odo's features just right was harder than i thought. meanwhile quark was like BOOM! there he is :) #also did u see the shoe. did u see the shine did u see it. bc i swear im never coloring shoes again #all the refs i had to use.....and if you think i exaggerated quark's fat ass well Think Again i only took from Reality! it's all there bby #my obligatory one art post a year....what was my art tag again.......oh well time to revamp it #myart #also pls go read the other fics!! i know i made a post of this before but i cant believe the one i received back...kisses them. #it was perfect! literally made for me! in fact im reading it right now! wedding of the century by sirenoftitan and Boy was it ever!!!

[macadam]

Throwback to when someone referred to me as the matpat of transformers

#very few will remember this because it really happened so casually and also... almost 2 years ago now #in the era I like to refer to as this blog's prime #on a little post someone tagged me in #and I was such a champ about it. I was so normal and did not make a scene #but I think about it at least once a month #it really was so crazy. what did I even do #I still don't know if I should be offended or not. I know it was written to place me in high regards #but that somehow made it hit so much harder #it's the type of thing that happens and you gasp and talk about it in discord but it doesn't feel that crazy. and then you look back and go #I can't believe that was a real thing that was said to me #I can't believe.. if only for a moment.. that is how I exist in someone's mind #Mac mumbles #the titles I was given in 2021... the range #chill laid back guy #bug in a jar anon wants to study #uptight annoying prick #insane individual trying to pass off as a chill laid back guy #<- favourite one btw #and lastly #the matpat of transformers #what an era

[punkray]

cant believe i forgot to announce here but i have a sheezy account! I also encourage those who want to use art gallery sites to use it. its such a fantastic site

#not art #i am personally against making new accounts on every site #but sheezy is something special #if u had one before it got revived a few months ago and u can log in again! #also if youre new to sheezy #this isnt associated with the og sheezy its simply a revival passion project made by a user who was originally a user on the first one

[moonelnone]

I forgot if I ever posted this eueu

#edit: I dont know why this is labelled as mature #one piece #monkey d luffy #coby one piece #koby one piece #kobylu #cobylu #moonel.art #like a school setting au thing #luffy would be the type to have packed food and Coby would be the type to just buy in canteens to eat #this was made a few months ago

[1978-combo-organ]

very rushed adamandi fanweek art!!! vincent and ambrose as freshmen (poem + concept art under the cut)

My friend likes fruit. I'll offer him a spare orange I keep on me, and he will jab his thumb into the peel, leaving the flesh a jumbled mess.

My friend doesn't peel oranges the right way. That was his words, his nails were too short cut to cut through the skin, his hands not 'dainty' enough to separate the pieces, he never did like things he couldn't do well.

My friend doesn't like the way the pulp stuck to his hands. I wasn't ever opposed to getting my hands dirty, so I'll peel my orange as best I can, letting the white stringy bits fall off with the exterior, and he'll toss the scraps in the bin.

Since my friend likes fruit, I'll cut the orange in two halves, one for him, one for me --- it's hard for me to give my all for things, though I'm trying to give my all for him.

Even though I cannot do much, I can still peel oranges. The tips of my fingers can worm their way above the flesh without harming the fruit, I can share half of my time, my routine, my life, I can still be the person who peels your oranges.

#oranges....... #i made a list of headcanons like. a few months ago. and i found them recently and one of them was that ambrose couldn't peel oranges right #(motherfucker has no hand eye coordination) #is this orange poetry. im not completely sure what orange poetry is. #originally it was going to be ambrose pulling vincent through the rain in a crowd on campus #then it was going to be a comic but i got art block <3 #i might make the first idea later because it was supposed to have quincy and portia in the background and i really like drawing them #trying to draw on clip studio paint. if it looks peculiar thats why #adamandi #adamandifanweek #vincent aurelius lin #ambrose wellington bassford #my art #original poetry

[goldkirk]

I'm so proud of myself about finances in the past couple months. I still struggle with money but I did enough meditation and journaling and practicing about it to make myself able to actually face my loans and credit cards and savings and bills and start really truly organizing and addressing them for the first time in years instead of just flying by the seat of my pants.

Like. This is a huge deal for me. I've felt like I'm in deadly danger every time I've tried to think about money for years and years. I'm finally able to look it in the face and stare it down and start to organize and plan on purpose instead of just keeping up with the minimum to stay afloat. I'm so proud of myself.

It's still a refrain of "GUILT (funny link)" every time I think about money but I'm able to actually make spreadsheets and face the numbers and monthly tracking again, and even make a new full budget which I haven't been able to do in ages.

still feel guilt, overwhelm, and helplessness, but no longer feel as much deep elemental shame and terror. that's progress baby

#we don't need to talk about how many months and months of therapy visits and doctor appointments I put on credit cards #among other things #but I had to put my foot down about it a couple months ago and shout at myself a little saying HEY #I AM SHAKING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS I AM SHOUTING FOR YOU TO HEAR #OF COURSE IT WAS A TERRIBLE FINANCIAL DECISION BUT YOU WEREN'T EVEN EXPECTING TO BE ALIVE #THE CREDIT CARD DEBT WAS NECESSARY TO KEEP YOU ALIVE AND IT DID AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS WAY LESS IMPORTANT THAN THAT #why the FUCK are you feeling SO ASHAMED for making the best decision you knew how to make at the time??? #just because you know NOW that you could have tried some other options doesn't mean you did THEN #you may have known enough to feel shame and guilt yes but you would never in a million years have gotten the help you needed fast enough #by attempting to go another route #you didn't trust anyone besides a very few handfuls of people and even them it wasn't fully #and the stress of running it through parental insurance was so terrifying to you bc you didn't know what that would do #and you never had cosigners for anything your whole adult life. it's OKAY #you fucking DID YOUR BEST #YOU HAVE LEARNED. YOU HAVE MADE CHANGES. YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE BETTER #YOU WILL CONTINUE TO LEARN AND IMPROVE OVER TIME #it is not the end of the world. even the utilities sending you to debt collections etc etc #YOU ARE FIGURING IT OUT ONE PIECE AT A TIME #MORE PEOPLE ARE ASHAMED AND AFRAID OF THEIR OWN FINANCES THAN YOU THINK #if the people who fought and argued with and shamed you for considering student loans much less taking them out #had wanted you to actually be financially safer and healthier #they could have just fucking helped out or cosigned your loans or actively helped you find other solutions #instead of spending months and months telling you it was the worst decision ever and would ruin you financially for decades and such #you made the best decisions you could with the level of terror and knowledge that you had. it was enough to keep you alive. #isn't that enough? #isn't it a victory to survive?? isn't that enough?????? #god i'm cringing at sharing this but if it's been this hard for me surely at LEAST one of you has also made financial mistakes or regrets #and seeing me be honest that I fucked it all up too and it's a mess and I'm just climbing back through it as best as I can as I go #will hopefully make at least one of you feel a tiny bit less alone