#i love you so much and i'd like to hug you so badly...sending you a virtual hug

[snowbabys]

12 + 18 for jake please ^.^ i loved gardening club so i’m excited to see how you’ll write this!

a/n: aaah omg thank you so much for reading gc <3 i literally rewrote this twice cause i didn't like how it turned out, but then i had an idea that finally clicked (even tho i'm not fully satisfied with it) and it's a bit different than what i usually write, so i'm really hoping you like this one! also ignore any mistakes or misspelling, i'm about to sleep over my keyboard.

12. "What makes you think I'd let you leave?" + 18. "Cover up my marks and I'll add more."

tw/warning: a bit suggestive, swearing (?).

You walked by the closet doors for what felt like the thousandth time, bored of tiptoeing around the house while trying not to bump into Jake somewhere. He'd let you get away a few times when he heard your hurried footsteps in a nearby room, only to then tease you by knocking on the door or walls next to you, laughing at the cute surprised and disappointed sounds that left your lips. Finding you was so easy, as always.

You finally went inside the closet, ignoring how obvious it was, just to have your body engulfed by Jake's arms. His breath tickled your neck when he left an amused chuckle.

"You're supposed to get better at this, not worse, babe," he said as he turned you around to face him, his lips touching the tip of your nose in the process.

"Can't I just go out like any normal human being?" you sighed tiredly. "I miss my friends," Jake sighed, too. He hated your friends and hated that you wanted to meet them so badly, so he came up with the idea of stupid hide-and-seek games to give you a hint of hope and make you think he'd ever let you win.

"What makes you think I'd let you leave? You lost again."

"Yeah, but..." you raised your dominant hand, touching his cheek while trying your best with puppy eyes and a pout. "C'mon, just this once, and I'll never ask for it again."

Jake bit his lower lip, amused by your demeanor. "If denying it makes you touch me more, it's still a big no."

"I'm not cuddling you before sleep anymore," you attempted to distance yourself from your boyfriend.

"Alright, alright," he seemed to think for a moment, holding your hands to his chest while doing so, grunting when he made up his mind. "Well, if you're spending hours with those predators, let me send them a message," he pulled you close by your arms, softly squeezing them when you rested your head on his shoulder, excited that you convinced him.

You didn't expect Jake to bite your neck and suck on your skin, holding you close to him even when you slapped his chest. When you were finally able to get him off of you, he gave you a smirk.

"Fuck you," you said, running to the closest mirror. You observed the bruise he made, ready to find whatever makeup you had in the house to hide his jealousy.

"Nu-uh, baby. You're going out with these for everyone to see," before you could make any move, Jake came up behind you, hugging you tightly against him. A huge smile plastered his face, happy with the marks. "Cover up my marks and I'll add more."

prompt game | game's masterlist

#enhypen yandere #yandere enha #yandere jake #yandere jake sim #yandere au #enhypen au #enhypen scenarios #enhypen imagines #kpop yandere #enhypen yandere au #jake x reader #jake sim x reader #yandere!jake x reader #jake sim #sim jaeyun #enhypen

[sillyromance]

🩹,💗,❗️?

Good day, dear anonymous!

🩹 - healing vore:

I think it's very interesting concept which has a kinda joint base with comfort vore but still stands out of other vore scenarios as a unique thing. There is a mix of two directly opposite actions: sending someone inside your stomach and... healing their wounds with this! Using such unusual combination, artists get an endless amount of angsty and comforting scenarios - and also a great push of their imagination limits: their characters can possess anatomical features no one ever thought of before. As for the action itself, it's just very good for a pred to know that they won't ever feel lost or helpless in case their prey friend get into trouble which can lead to the latter being badly injured. The prey feels safer too when knowing their big pal is around... Sensations are pretty enjoyable as well: the feeling of your ache being instantly eased by the miraculous liquids, combined with a soothing vibe of the cozy stomach massaging you is unspeakably beautiful...

So, I definitely love such way of healing!

💗- the most favourite trope:

Well... I suppose: a gentle pred/ a kind and submissive prey. If there are these two, I will love any scenario from safe to fatal. Although, there is one I love the most:

Safe vore/reformation:

A prey comes home after a really rough day; the pred sees it, however, their little friend doesn't admit it. Instead, they just head to their room and start working again - or go to the kitchen, seeking for something to eat... Meanwhile, they big partner watches them silently for some time. The pred hasn't dined yet. But they know perfectly what they want for a snack right now - so, the big guy grabs the shorter one in a nice, tight embrace, saying the prey they were going to dive right in without any delay. The latter tries to protest at first, but quite soon they submit to the gentle cooing and warmth of the pred's hug: the little one sleepily thanks their partner and, finally, gets swallowed up; settling in the warm belly, they gladly sense their sore body relaxing and their mind clearing as tender walls move around them, the gurgling mixing with the pred's calm breath and heartbeat and creating a comforting symphony of natural peace which helps the prey to doze off. The pred feeling good for their friend and for themselves smiles and rubs their visibly rounded stomach which is lovingly churning over its favourite meal...

❗- discovering vore:

I'd say it has been a long way. I remember when I was four me and my father often played a game: he was a monster and I was its prey who had to avoid being eaten. Of course, everything was just for fun: we messed around a lot, giggling and encouraging each other; he often wrapped himself up in a large blanked to seem bigger and "scarier" and then "attacked" me in the darkness with a "monstrous roar". Usually, everything ended up with him "devouring" me which he always loudly announced while I was still laughing after a great session of tickles. I think, that's how the fun began...

The older I got, the more I felt that something strange was going on with me. I was fascinated with snakes who could swallow their victims whole. Sometimes my grandma asked me to read aloud some fairytales - but if it was Red Riding hood, I couldn't help but lowered my voice as it was coming to the "tense part" because I felt quite uncomfortable about it. Especially, because I saw that exact scene in a way I wasn't able to really understand.

But all I knew was that I liked it. It was just... special.

There were other things too; but it is too much to tell. If shortly, there were thoughts. They came to me periodically; and when they did, I sank in them for an hour or two. Then I was trying to imagine myself as both a pred and a prey - and what it should feel like to be one or another.

Once I decided to search in the Internet for something that could satisfy my needs... And there it was. Vore.

I won't lie if I say that I was scared at first due to my mind, basically, connected vore with cannibalism (the mistake many people make when they come across it for the first time)... I literally suffered after I figured out it was I seeked for. Consequently, I tried to block this part of my nature by completely denying it. But things were getting only worse: I couldn't concentrate on my usual businesses, I felt terrible, I was reading and watching EVERYTHING vore-related, even if I didn't like it at all - but I just had to ease the painful pangs attacking my brain. So, after some time, I gave up. I thought it was the best option because that way at least I wouldn't go crazy about the things and I would be able to go around my day without uncontrollable "hunger" I had for vore. That's what saved me.

Slowly, I understood that I wasn't bad or weird. I was simply built like that - like many other nice people, and there was nothing in vore that would really mean harm to anyone. My mom who was aware about my problems supported me as much as she could - and she accepted my interests without any negative words about it. After giving myself freedom, I could study and filter the information I was consuming and, finally, I discovered what I TRULY liked. I calmed down at last. That's when the blog was started which turned out to be the finishing dot in the book of my struggles.

Now, I'm into vore from the bottom of my heart - and I'm not ashamed of that! As many say, it's OK to be different since there is no threat to others. Our features are what make us - us. It's the truth we should never forget about.

#soft vore #safe vore #personal #ask game #extreme cuddling #willing pred #willing prey

[yellow-faerie]

Prompt List 4

Here is another prompt list for you! Please send me a character/ship/anything that you think might be interesting, and I'll write something!

"Look, before you go in there, just promise me you won't say anything."

"Oh darling, if only I could love you."

"Consider yourself uninvited from my birthday party."

"How about we all just sit down and think about what we're saying?"

"For once in your miserable life would you just fucking listen to me."

"I don't fight God unless given an incredibly good incentive."

"Don't. Just don't say it. Please."

"Where on earth did you find this?"

"That's my diary. Don't tell me you've been going through my diary for light bedtime reading."

"You need to calm down before someone gets hurt."

"There's a pub down the street that sells really shit beer. You look like you might need it."

"Don't touch my kid again. Consider yourself warned."

"I once watched [him/her/them] punch a man in the face only to go home and cry over the kittens I'd left on [his/her/their] doorstep."

"You need to leave before I call someone."

"I can't believe you've done this!"

"How did you manage to fuck up this badly?"

"Oh no. I've been kidnapped. Whatever shall I do?"

"Don't walk away from me!"

"You had better turn around right this second and tell me what you were about to say!"

"Stop leaving me behind!"

"Sometimes I think I cannot love you more and then you go and do things like this."

"I could never hate you. Not truly."

"Have you ever wondered what it would be like to fall in love?"

"This isn't a fairytale! You don't get to have your happy ending forever!"

"I forget what your face looks like if I close my eyes too long. It scares me."

"Don't die on me. Not again."

"Sweetheart, stop! You'll make me drop the bowl!"

"I know you want me to leave but please, just hear me out."

"How long have you been sitting on the doorstep? Don't you have a key?"

"For what it's worth, I don't think you're a bad person."

"Have you considered solving your problems with arson?"

"Take me away from here. Please."

"I don't think you understand: there's no ulterior motive, I just miss you and I want you here."

"I'm sorry, about your [father/mother/parent]. I know what it's like, to lose someone you're close to."

"You look like you need a cake. Or a hug. Maybe both?"

"When I'm with you, I feel real - like I can be myself, and I have nothing to be scared about."

"You look like someone tried to drown you in that rain. Go and run yourself a bath and I'm going to find a pot of tea."

"Tomorrow could be the perfect day if we just let it be."

"[Name], I hate you. I hate you so much I can't help but love you."

"Stop look at me like that. I'm not going to tell you."

"That constellation there? That one's my favourite."

"How did you manage to break it this time?"

"I was hoping you might be able to point me in the direction of the closest city. I seem to have got a bit...lost."

"Say that again to my face and see if I like it."

"Take what I say with a pinch of salt, I don't have the best memory at the best of times."

"Is that a child? How did you get a child?"

"Don't ask me what happened, I honestly couldn't tell you."

"Forever is a long time. Are you sure you want to spend it with me?"

"Never doubt that I will always protect you."

"I loved you once. Long ago. Do you remember?"

#a few days until a new prompt list I said.... #Well #have it now! #add fluff or angst if you have a preference otherwise I'll choose! #And please send in requests for any fandom I write for: #LoZ Tolkien TMA Witcher SW #Etc #also feel free to reblog the prompt list if you like it! #Prompt List #Prompt List 4

[doodlemunster]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers ♡

I'm SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME WAY TOO LONG

and thank you to @yesitsloulou because I saw you sent me this too and y'all are so so sweet for it. Seriously. I LOVE YOU GUYS SO FREAKING MUCH

Top 5 things that make me happy, let's goooo (strap in this is a long one)

Friends & Family

I'm putting them together cuz technically friends ARE family to me. More and more do I realize just how stinkin important they are and how much they make my day/month/year.

My friends sending me tiktoks/memes they think I'll love or remind them of me, who love me for me and I can be my goofy self with them

my parents being endlessly supportive and hear me out, who sometimes pick me up coffee or snacks simply because they are thinking of me. My mom, who used to take my brother and I to anime cons and would patiently listen to us rant about our latest obsession and STILL does it till this day even though she has no interest in any of it because she loves us that much. Or my dad who will be a big ol' goof and won't stop till he's cracked a smile out of me.

2. Mutuals

I would put mutuals in the friends and family category, but y'all deserve your own spot because otherwise I'd go on forever lmao (also I see mutuals as friends but I know some people might find that TOO familiar and I'm not trying to weird ya out or nothin)

mutuals who leave tags on reblogs, letting me know their thoughts or little comments to me. Or the reblogs on my art and letting me know if you love it or not?? like 'IM OVER THE MOON'. Know that I'm squeeing and kickin my feet and twirling my hair. All of it. Also, seeing how excited y'all are about a certain show, books, fandom etc Even those posts that are like 'reblog if you would gently headbutt with the person you reblogged this from if y'all were cats'. I love that. I mean it when I say that all of this makes my entiiirrree day. I love it and I love y'all!!

3. My Pets

Seeing their cute little faces gets me through so much. They let me hug and kiss them a whole bunch and it fills me with so much seratonin, holy hell. They have helped me on lonely nights, being little supportive spirits when I'm in my head too much or going through a bad break up. If y'all want some cuteness too, heres a pic of the two of them. I lost my sweet Gir last year and it still gets to me. It's also the anniversary of her passing, but she was an amazing dog.

4. CBD gummies

okay so this is left field and sounds goofy, but I struggle with sleep pretty badly. I'm a night owl through and through, so it makes settling down super hard. My brain just won't shut the fuck up. It's caused my anxiety to spike enough to get medicated for it. However, with these gummies I can FINALLY bank on a good night's sleep and for that I am forever thankful. It also makes me feel so damn good too, so it even calms my anxious nerves. It's made me happy to tears, let me tell ya.

5. Baking

Been finding a lot of happiness in trying new recipes. Some of my favorite nights are getting tipsy/high, baking, and watching horror movies. I've mad pie dough, mini pumpkin pies, brownies, no bakes, caramels, truffles, muffins and god its been such a TREAT. I made my friends and family baked goods and it filled me with so much joy.

Thank you so so much for the sweet ask!! <3 I'm so happy to have y'all as mutuals. Seriously, you make the weeks that much sweeter. I hope you are doing great. Sending you lots of love! ❤️❤️❤️

#<3 <3 <3

[leafuxxtea]

*hugs* 6, 30, 41 <333

hi seari!!! tysm for asking!!! sending many hugs to you too :3c <333

6. Do you tend to have some "favorite things"? List some if you do

I do!! For example, my favorite food is cheeseburgers (ik there's SO many different better options but. cheeseburgers yum.) I really like milk too, I've basically replaced water with that 😭😭 I have a favorite piece of clothing, which I call my "default outfit", and it's my Reki (from sk8) hoodie with a skirt and tights. i basically wear that when im lazy and want to be comfortable. Also, not a material thing, but I love love love rain!!! It calms me and soothes me and I feel more relieved.

30. What makes you feel safe?

Being with someone else that I trust?? I think that applies to pretty much everything in general!!

41. What's something you want to learn more about?

I feel like there's always smth I wanna learn and just end up not doing it,,,🥹🥹 I really want to improve in drawing so badly,,, I also want to try my hand at writing more!! I'd also want to try producing music, and get better at singing, and maybe voice-acting, oh and just acting too!! Also learning Japanese,,, sighs there's so many stuff,,,

#leaf response #THX AGAIN FOR ASKING SEARI!!! #THIS WAS FUN TO DO #i feel like my answers are very long tho... #professional yapper ig

[spookyserenades]

Dana...you are incredible! A queen! Chapter 14? You had me on my kness choking more than Yoongi's di-

Lol, that was weird 🧐 Anyway. On the piano? Ah, I remember when I sent and the ask about the spicy moments and one of my guesses was on the piano 😏 and to be honest? You nailed it better than Yoongi's di-

It just happened again! Feel like I'm possessed...by Yoongi's DI-

Alright, joking aside. It was an amazing chapter. Hannah telling us not to break Jin's heart for us to break it like a week later? I teared up not gonna lie. To all of their reactions, because the hurt was there. It didn't linger but it was there. Like Tae's approach to getting drunk is 100% my approach to stuff. And to be honest I'd love to see Y/N's approach when her jealousy is going out the roof. I have a feeling things will escalate a lot before we delicately fall into an OT8.

Yoongi is acting so cocky now. Like literally he's rubbing it in with everyone so badly. But I love it because it riles them up into acting.

I love how you wrote the sex scene. I for one tend to skip over, but I don't know how you did it, i read that scene (chapter) over 5 times today. It was so easy for my mind to imagine it. So congratulations! You are further proving that you are a talented writer.❤️ Alsoo the ears?! Excuse me!? I'd go around teasing all of them, cuz I'm a bitch😊

The end? I love it! The cliffhanger? I love it! Are you stil an evil motherfucker for ending it like that? Yes, yes you are💀

I have lots more to ask you but that has to be for another day. Sending you lots of love and a big hug....big like Yoongi's di-

🤣❤️

AHHH BESTIE!!! THANK YOU I LOVE YOU 🥺😭💕 fdkaslfjds But also HA stop it right now 🧎🏻‍♀️

ON THE PIANOOOO Had to do it!!! Definitely a fantasy of mine esp w Yoongi but!! I swear that scene came to me in a vision like I could just see Yoongi on his knees and ...... YEAH AAH I'm so impressed you guessed and even more excited that you liked it 🥵

Noooo not breaking sweet Jinnie's heart 😭😭😭 But you're right he's probably feeling really bummed out... He's definitely got feelings for her, you can tell they're starting to get stronger especially in 14. I'm the same, too, when I get upset I like to get drunk as well, too 💀 (yay to unhealthy coping LOL) I think it just proves how upset Tae was, because he's not much of a drinker. Definitely a lonnggggg road until they're all together, too.. I'm going one by one babey, SLOW BURN!

Mmmmm but cocky Yoongi is so HOT he must be taking pages out of Jeongguk's book 😉 Yoongi is like "why should I hide now that you al know..."

EEEE stop I'm blushing 😭 I'm happy that I could write a sex scene that you enjoyed, I read it over 5 times too to make sure it flowed... ah Yoongi is so sexy. Praise kink king for sure 🥵 But THANK YOU for the kind words about that scene 💜 MMM the ears I agree if I were Y/N I'd be tugging on their ears whenever they'd tease me, just to see how THEY like it!

heheheh evil motherfucker YES I AM! I just can't leave it neatly tied up in the end, I always gotta surprise you guys hehe. Needed a Tae moment, and I'm not a huge fan of ending oneshots or whatever immediately after a sex scene, but that's just me!

Sending you lots of love and hugs and kisses right back! Love hearing your thoughts on the chapters (and hearing from you in general!) 💕💜💕💜

#spoilers #trouvaille #asks #dana's thoughts

[kissmeaboutit]

For the Buddie prompts my little angsty heart immediatelyyyy perked up at “Leave me alone” and “I needed you” 🥺

Hi hi!! Thanks so much for the prompt! I'd love to do more so if anyone has ideas totally send them my way!(See my last post for some examples and ideas)

And thank you to my friend Risa for reading this over for me!!

It happened on a Tuesday. Buck entered the station fifteen minutes late, something rare for him. The team was seated upstairs, except Eddie who had stood over the balcony the second he heard the sounds of Buck's footsteps down below. His face looked pensive, like he was trying to get a read on Buck from above.

Buck made it up the last step after changing, his shoulders hunched. He looked like he barely slept. The team followed him with their eyes as he poured himself a cup of coffee. 

"Hey, Buck? You aren't usually so late, is everything okay?" Bobby asked gently. Usually he was one to scold his team for tardiness, but he could sense this was different. Buck also wasn't one to be late. Buck was quiet as he put the coffee pot back and started adding to his mug. 

He hummed. "Guess so."

The team exchanged glances, each having some sort of silent conversation. Buck drank half of his coffee before heading downstairs to start on his chores,looking for a distraction of any kind.

He proceeded to avoid talking to anyone about the whole thing, not wanting to get into it right now. Or ever for that matter. He worked efficiently on calls, and to a stranger Buck seemed perfectly fine.

Eddie knew better.

Eddie wanted nothing more than to confront Buck. Not now, he told himself, instead pushing on as he looked at his best friend longingly. He wished to smooth a thumb under his eyes and wipe away the dark smudges there. To kiss his birthmark gently until he felt better.

Their last call of the day went badly. The type of call that has everyone silent and still on the ride home. Car accident with a mom and her two kids. All DOA.The gruesome scene had left them all with a  sort of haunted look in their eyes as they hopped out of the truck, going to wash up and head home. 

Eddie was glad that he had a scheduled movie night with Buck and Chris, it would be good for them to spend time with each other. Eddie was heading to the locker room when Buck passed him on his way out. Eddie's brows furrowed at how quickly he was leaving. "Hey-" Eddie gently grabbed Buck's arm which made him flinch a bit. Eddie slowly let go. "Hey, you are still coming over for movie night, right?"

Buck rubbed at his neck, adjusting the bag on his shoulder. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, sorry, I'll be there. See you later."Before Eddie could think of a reply, Buck was already walking away.. He stood there for a moment to watch his retreating form before finally going to change and head home.

Usually on their movie nights, Eddie got home and ordered food. Buck often wasn’t far behind with a six-pack of beer. Tonight, like any other night, Eddie stepped inside and found his son. He hugged Chris extra tight, kissing his curls gently. Finally, he sent him to finish homework while he ordered food. Twenty minutes passed, and there was no Buck in sight. Eddie frowned a bit as he checked his phone, no new messages. Traffic most likely. Even if Buck left before him. Definitely traffic.

Then the food arrived. Eddie was disappointed that the man at the door wasn't Buck. 

To: Buck 6:47pm

Hey man...you on your way?

Eddie chewed his nail as he took the food out and placed it on the table. He had ordered from Buck's favorite Italian place. "Chris? Wash your hands please," he called to his son, trying to ease the growing knot in his stomach.

From: Buck 7:18pm

sorry. can't make it

"Dad! Do you think Buck will want to watch Brother Bear?" Chris called from the living room where he was now picking out a movie. Eddie quickly felt his worry turn to anger.  Buck was standing them up.The frustration built as he recalled their day and Buck’s behavior. He should have known by the way that Buck avoided his eyes at the station that he was lying.

Eddie tamped down the swirl of emotions and took a deep breath, rounding the corner into the living room to face his son. "Chris, hey bud. Uh, Buck isn't going to make it tonight," Eddie said as he took a seat next to him. 

Chris' shoulders slumped at the words. He looked back at the screen where he was hovering over the play button, dropping the remote on the couch and getting up. 

"I'm going to work on my project," Chris said before excusing himself. Eddie completely forgot that Buck had offered to help Chris finish it up tonight. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, sinking into the couch and staring at the TV. Eddie really needed this tonight. Just like Chris did. He knew Buck did too.

Which is why the next  morning after Eddie dropped Chris off at school, he stopped at Buck’s loft. He didn’t bother to knock as he used his key to unlock the door and let himself in. 

“Buck?” he called as he shut the door behind him. He started up the stairs, listening for any sounds. When he reached the top he was met with the sight of Buck curled in the middle of his bed, his hand smoothed over a tiny LAFD onesie. His eyes were open and red as his finger trailed over the lettering.

“What is going on, Buck?” Eddie stepped closer, brows furrowed. 

Buck didn’t even look up at him, just stopped his hand and let out a slow breath. “Leave me alone, Eddie,” he grunted out.

Eddie’s eyes narrowed. “No. You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to shut me out. What the hell happened last night, huh? You just bail on me and Chris without saying anything? You knew at the station you weren't coming.” He shook his head, letting out a humorless laugh.

“C’mon Eddie, it’s one night. Can you just fuck off for one day?” Buck rolled over to the other side of the bed, back to Eddie now. 

Eddie tossed his hands in the air and got onto the bed, pushing Buck onto his back. He pinned his arms down. “Look at me when I'm talking to you. What the hell is your deal?!”

There was a moment of resistance before Buck gave up and stared up at him. “The kid isn’t mine. Okay? I-fuck. The timeline ended up being off, the baby is Connor’s. I should be happy for them! I should, but I-” His eyes glossed over. “This was my only shot. I know this baby wouldn’t have been mine, but I figured it was probably my only chance for-”

“Are you joking right now?” Eddie felt even more furious than when he had come here. “Are you serious? I-God, I needed you! I needed you last night. That call ruined me and then Chris…he was so devastated that you ditched him. You are such a dick, Buck. You already have a son, and you bailed on him to mope over a baby you were never going to have any connection with?” Eddie hissed out.

Buck stared up at him, his mouth parted as if he couldn’t move. “He’s not-”

“He is, Evan. He is your son. He loves you like you are his dad. If you can’t see that then I don’t know what to tell you. Your son needs you. So suck it up, stop mourning a child that wasn’t yours. Then, come home with me,” Eddie whispered.

Buck blinked back tears, swallowing hard. Their position was becoming more noticeable now that he was thinking thoughts again. “You’re right. I… I think I was using this baby to mourn the family that I wished I had.”

“Why are you saying ‘wished’, huh? We are right here, stupid.” Eddie let Buck’s wrists go and brought both hands to cup at his face. “We are right here, and we love you. I love you.” He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Buck’s lips, feeling the hitch in Buck’s breath and moving back barely an inch to gauge Buck’s response. After a moment of shock, Buck bridged the tiny gap to return it.  Buck’s hands lightly twisted in Eddie’s shirt.

“If you want a baby so badly, I'll give you as many as you want. If you stop being a dick,” Eddie teased against his mouth. Buck let out a wet laugh, laying his head back into the bed. He reached up to brush at a tear that rolled down Eddie’s face and kept his hand there.  Despite his joking tone, the emotion in his voice was thick. The happy light in Buck’s eyes turned into something more sober as he continued stroking his thumb along Eddie’s cheekbone. “I am  sorry, Eddie. For last night, and for today. For doubting you guys. I love you, too.” Buck pulled Eddie back towards his lips. “You are my family. The only family I need,” he whispered as their lips connected.

They spent a few more minutes getting acquainted with each other's mouths before Buck  pulled away, still keeping their faces close and looking breathlessly wrecked. ”Hey, I just wanted to talk for a minute. As fantastic as this feels, I need to get some words out.” Buck’s knuckles gently trailed up and down Eddie’s arm. He watched the goosebumps that raised on the tanned skin. “I know I already apologized. It just doesn’t feel like enough. You guys mean the absolute world to me. I can’t even put it into words.”

“I get that.” Eddie smoothed his thumb under the dark puffy patch under Buck’s eye, just like he imagined doing  yesterday. “It feels like too much for words.”

Buck nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I know I need to learn to wake up and realize when I have something good in front of me. I need to stop thinking I don’t deserve you. I do. Because…” Buck looked up at him then, his wide eyes shining and serious, “God dammit I fucking deserve you.” Buck’s voice got louder, as if trying to convince himself.

Eddie smiled softly at him, shaking his head in amusement. “You do deserve me. I deserve you too. If therapy taught me anything it’s that I should go for the things I want. I deserve to be happy. You make me happy.”

The lump got bigger as Buck swallowed around it. He nodded a few times as the tears started up and he scoffed. “Fucking hell, don’t tell anyone about how much I’m crying today. You just make me so…” The words got lost on him as he stared up at Eddie. “How are you so beautiful?”

Eddie’s eyes widened a bit and his head ducked in embarrassment. “Uh, I dunno. Ask my parents? Actually maybe I should be asking you the same question,” he teased, leaning down to kiss his birthmark. “How are you so beautiful, Evan Buckley?”

“Shut up, You are so annoying.” Buck grinned, not looking even the slightest bit annoyed.

Eddie laughed loudly and finally dropped beside him, toeing off his shoes. “Okay, Buckley. We have T-minus 6 hours till we have to pick up our son. And you, my dear, need the longest nap of your life.” He pulled Buck into his chest, kissing his curls and not missing the way Buck beamed at the words as he snuggled into Eddie’s chest and flung an arm around his torso.

Buck’s eyes shut almost immediately after, though. He was truly exhausted, but still managed a few last words. “M’kay. We get Chris, and then go home?”

Eddie smiled into his hair. “Yeah, then we go home.”

#911onfox #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #prompt #drabble #911fox

[frecklystars]

it might feel impossible now, but you *will* get there. i know it. and starscream will accept you with open arms, because he still loves you. 🩷🌸

god, that's so sweet. jesus. thank you so much for sending me this when I was hurting rly bad last night. I'm sorry I didn't respond at the time, but I had a response written and then I saved it to my drafts and had to crash, but here's what I wrote:

you sound so certain... i appreciate you taking the time to write this. it feels absolutely insane to me when people say "don't worry, they still love you" when my immediate reaction to seeing them is always to either tense/lock up, or have a full blown panic attack. absolutely wild to go from feeling unconditionally loved for three years and then to be conditioned that they're all out to get me. i want to remember that feeling of love so badly. i look at my old TF art and i watch my old cameos from stsc and fixit's voice actor's, and it feels so,,, unreachable, unobtainable to believe those characters would give me kindness

i want to hope my starlight's in that meadow laying in those starflowers and stargazing, thinking of me and knowing exactly how painful this is. he's a patient mech, isn't he? he's waited for millions of years to claim a throne... surely waiting a couple of years for his little starflower to run back into his arms is okay too... it's so silly, but sometimes i like to imagine barbie and ken sitting in the meadow too and talking with him and reassuring him that i'm safe. and that i'm gonna be away for a long time but they're taking care of me, so he doesn't have to worry... but i'd want to hope he'd worry a little bit anyway... he asks if i'm wearing the necklace anymore and barbie says she keeps it in her pocket. and he's saddened to hear i can't even look at it, but he's grateful i've at least kept it, as if that were a sign that i'm working on coming back to him. and i am. it feels like a hopeless effort but i can't not try... and i've finally ordered the silver horseshoe pendant/necklace/whatever it is, the one ken wears in the movie? i found one online and it's gonna be delivered in a few days.. i can't wait to wear it, i can't wait to fill that empty space over my chest where the red energon necklace used to be. it's gonna help me fill that empty space so much

sorry to ramble, it's been a Night. i love you anon. thank you for taking the time to reach out to me... you didn't have to, but you did anyway. the reassurance helps so so so so much. i am sending you so many hugs and good vibes just for you, i hope you can feel it from here 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

#anonymous #asks #keepsake #ptsd

[its-2-late]

A Letter I May Never Send

Full disclosure, I'm currently writing this at 4 am. I suppose if you're reading this it's some time in the future when I finally finished getting everything out and decided to actually send it. At the time of writing, it's mainly me just... needing to scream into the void so to say. So I apologize in advance for how rambly this is going to be. Literally just writing as things come to me.

That being said, I really hardly know what to say, or whether I should say anything at all. So much happened between us. A lot of which we never properly talked about, especially at the end.

I can't say I necessarily regret that things ended. That would mean saying I regret what I have now. My child means absolutely everything to me and I would never wish her to not exist, regardless what I gave up along the way. I do regret HOW they ended. It's been over a year since we last spoke as I'm beginning to write this and it still hurts.

There's a lot of questions I often find myself wishing I could ask.

Does it still hurt you?

Are you like me and have tried to move on, but still feel an ache in your heart some nights when your mind wanders back to us?

Do you prefer to just not think about it at all?

Do you still talk about me? Reminiscing about some fun time we had, or maybe a quiet deep moment we shared?

One of my most vivid memories of you is the first time you held me. Laying on the futon, just goofing off. You saw cuts on my leg and you just rolled over and hugged me from behind. You told me, "you scare the shit out of me." I don't know if I've ever told you the feelings that came over me that night.

For damn near as long as I could remember I'd felt hollow and empty. Like the shadow of a person. Broken pieces that had been taped together to somewhat resemble a functional human being.

That one hug felt like it both broke me entirely and pulled my pieces back together all at the same time. It was one of only two times in my entire life that I felt really and truly wanted, cared about, seen.

It hurt.

I wanted so badly to just melt into the kind of love you seemed to be offering.

I wanted so badly to also run away and hide from the hurt and pain I was terrified would come along with that type of love.

Guess I did a bit of both?

I remember telling you about how friends I'd had for years turned their backs on me. You said you'd never do that. And you truly never did, even when I turned my back on you multiple times. I'm going to try and avoid sounding guilt trippy in this... we both know what I did and saying I'm sorry over and over again won't change or fix anything. Lord knows it doesn't make any pain I caused go away.

There are times I wonder how things might have been different if I'd talked to you more openly. If we would have worked things out, or if we were just meant to eventually drift away from each other. I tell myself often that we just were at different points in life. A big part of me thinks that's true, but maybe instead of basically being strangers we could have still been a part of each other's lives in smaller ways if I'd just talked to you.

I did always mean it when I said you were one of my best friends.

At times I think I miss that the most. Not and of the romantic aspects, but everything else.

The way you made me smile and laugh.

How big, warm, and comfortable your hugs always were.

Hell, even the way you used to purposefully get me riled up over something stupid just to hear me rant.

When you'd smile and wiggle your eyebrows. You have probably the sweetest smile on anyone I've ever known. I miss seeing it.

Sometimes it's seemingly stupid shit that'll make me think of you.

I was listening to Fruits Basket opening/ending songs in the car today and remembered watching with you. Anytime a Sasuke thing comes into Gamestop I still will think, "Oh I should send him a picture of this." Going up to Shreveport reminds me of the time you went with me to see my psychologist and the waiter at Olive Garden gave us butter.

Sometimes a new game or show will come out and I still get the urge to message you to ramble about it.

I still have your number in my phone. I'll randomly check Facebook sometimes to see if you unfriended or blocked me.

I've never been good at letting go of things. Especially anything that ever gives any kind of pleasure or happiness. Fuck, even when that happiness comes along with pain. Probably why I've always clung so tightly to people and things that were bad for me in the end.

Something I'm still working on. And apparently failing.

At one point a few months ago I deleted all the pictures I had of you off of my phone. A part of me regrets it. Probably the part that I literally just said doesn't like letting go of the past. I guess part of me writing this whole letter is is somewhere in me hoping that somehow it'll bring some sort of closure.

I don't ever talk about you. That's part of what hurts. All these memories of someone who meant the world to me, and I can't even talk about you. Not about how I still miss you, or about some funny or stupid thing that just happens to remind me of you. At times I feel like I just need to get drunk and just vent/gush about you to someone for a few hours. Get it all out and maybe finally I could actually begin to properly move on emotionally.

Until then, I guess I'll just keep coming back to this letter anytime I need to say anything. Wonder how long this will end up being. Wonder if you're going to read it at all.

I'm not sure I would.

I'd probably see it and want to just delete it. Bury down whatever feelings I knew it would cause to creep up that I'd rather not have to face and deal with.

I'd want to delete it, but it would more likely just sit in my inbox, unread. I'd go back and stare at it sometimes, not opening it, but just seeing that it was there.

For me, at least, it would answer the question of "do you still think of me." For a while that'd probably be enough for me. I'd just cling to that thought, not really wanting to face whatever else was inside.

I've never been good at accepting the idea of people I love no longer loving me. It's something I've always preferred to just assume, because confirmation and me fully acknowledging it gave it a sense of permanence that felt like the end of the world.

Probably why I did a lot of what I did with you. Especially at the end. Instead of just telling you how I was feeling I just... stopped.

In some ways it was a way to defend myself. Others a way to protect you from me.

Knowing my own feelings for you and how I am when it comes to those sorts of strong feelings, I knew if I allowed you to remain in my life at all during that time I would never be able to let go.

Granted, I guess me writing this is me still not letting go... but I think I would have destroyed myself trying to hold onto something that was no longer there. I don't know how long you'd have stayed for it, but the idea of dragging you even further down with me sealed the idea in my head that it was better for both of us if I just walked away.

Whether that's true or not, I don't know. That was my reasoning at the time. I still feel like it holds water, to some degree. I mean look at me. It's now 5 am and I'm sat here still writing this letter to you. Not sure where I'm even going with it. I just need to get it all out before I lose my mind, whether you ever end up seeing any of this or not.

I still have some of your stuff. Stuff I got you that you never took home. Stuff you brought over and forgot. I've debated asking Ariel to give it to you multiple times. Me clinging to the last remnants of you I guess. Without even pictures anymore it almost feels like if I give that stuff back it'll be as if you never existed.

Even just sitting here thinking about it now has me on the verge of tears and wanting to message you "hi" just to see if you'd respond. Sound stupid? Maybe. Can still hear the sound of your voice in my head, maybe reassuring me that its not stupid.

Wonder what you would do if we saw each other in passing. Would you pretend to not see me? Would you meet my eyes and just keep walking? Would you smile back if I smiled at you?

I've been at work at Gamestop so many times wondering what it would be like if you walked into the store while I was there. Wondering how it'd make me feel. How you would feel to see me there.

I do a lot of wondering. Especially right now. Being alone at night and up at weird hours with a baby leaves me entirely too much time for my mind to wander. Usually to darker parts of my mind I prefer to forget exist.

I was doing good for a long time, you know. I got a tattoo that covers the scars on my one shoulder. I still think about it, though. The urges are still there, especially recently.

I've thought about going back on medication. Doctor offered it to me at my two week post-partum appointment because I was showing moderate symptoms of post-partum depression. Couple weeks later during my therapy appointment I was worse and was ranking as severe in both depression and anxiety.

I've had more breakdowns in the last month than I have in over a year. The loss of progress itself is depressing.

Maybe that's part of why I'm writing this letter. Maybe it's part of why I ran away from you. You reminded me too much of a darker time in my life, despite the fact you were one of the reasons I even got through that time at all.

I just had to stop writing for a minute because my baby spit her pacifier out in her sleep and was fussing. She'll probably wake up hungry soon.

It's been over an hour since I started writing. I'm really tired, but it feels like I've barely scratched the surface of what I want to tell you. So much more I feel like I want to say knowing this may actually be the last time I have the chance.

#the letter #the letter i may never send #i miss you #personal #vent #a letter i may never send #a letter #to be continued

[luveline]

Hello Jade, love! Today I woke up feeling kinda soft and needy and I bet there are many reasons for that but I believe it's also because I read the last chapter of June Baby last night before going to sleep 💕 soooo here's my mandatory message after reading it!

'She pinches his back and imitates Eddie’s low growl, laughing at herself as she does. She finds it very funny. Eddie can’t help giggling with her.'

Junieeeee why is she so cute and soft and smart? Omg this is super sweet, I'd love to see more of her copying some of Eddie's habits! I bet she'll be like a real Munson one day!

'Eddie thinks you’ve a better view of him than anybody else, that you see him more generously than anyone has ever seen him, and you still haven’t noticed he’s a boy in love.'

Are you kidding meeee?? 😭😭😭 'you still haven't noticed he's a boy in love'??? It really is as simple as that, isn't it?😭 That's so sweet.

'He can’t believe he’s kissing you. He can’t believe there was a time where he wasn’t.'

This just destroyed me and brought me back to life at the same time, but I'll stop here because, honestly, every single word from you is a masterpiece and I'd have to quote everything and that would be tedious for you hahaha besides, my feedback is always very basic but I get kinda nervous when I send you messages and never know what to say so I just keep repeating myself haha

Last thing: thank you for sharing your writing! We are all very lucky to have you around 💕🌈💕🌈💕

thank you so much 😭 I am beyond grateful to see the bits you liked I wanna hug you so badly

#jade's asks #ily

[early20sfailingplenty]

🎫 Here’s a gush pass! Feel free to gush about whichever f/o you want, however much you want, then send this ask to 3 other selfshippers! 👑 ~~ [Maybe if you want to do that for the Sinclair brothers❤️ Thinking of you and sending you lots of love🥺💜]

SUE OMG THE SINCLAIR BROTHERS😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I hope you enjoy this ramble!!!! I'm thinking of YOU and sending you love!!🥺🥺🥺💝💝💝

I've let loooooooooose ~ here, so buckle up! I am going OFF!!😤😤😤

Ohhhhh Vincent. Pretty, beautiful Vincent. Vinny baby. I love him. The first Sinclair I fell in love with; I loved him before I knew his name, before I had seen HOW, the one I always go 'home' to, though I do love them all equally. But Vincent... makes me softer. If any of the three are gonna make me cry just by looking at me, it'll be Vincent. I love his brutality - I'm not saying this to be edgy or whatever, I mean I genuinely wholeheartedly looooooooooooove how brutal he is. It's so fucking sexy and I wish he would stomp on me the way he stomps on Wade and Dalton. Lucky fuckers died with Vincent looming over them, his dark hair framing his face, his solo eye bearing into them, drinking in their reactions, their final moments, his blades in his confident hands... he's so fucking beautiful. He really is. I remember the first time I ever watched HOW, I BLUSHED, hid my face in my jumper, cooed, 'awh'd, and grinned ALL AT THE SAME TIME and that was such a visceral reaction to have to someone I'd only just 'met' but loved for weeks prior to watching the film. But anyway, less about me and more about Vincent. I want to talk to him for hours. About his art, his medium, how he manages to do so much in such a short time, how he chooses his 'canvases' (victims), what he loves about his crafts, his hobbies, his relationships with his brothers and Jonesy, his relationship with me... if Vincent's mind is a pool then I want to dive right in to the deep end without acclimating myself to the icy temperatures first. AND WHEN HE GOT UNMASKED, I HAD THE SAME REACTION AS I DID THE FIRST TIME I SAW HIM, BUT I ALSO HAD A CALM SENSE OF "OH, THERE YOU ARE" AND I FELT THAT WAY SO HARD THAT I SAID THOSE WORDS ALOUD. I had to sit with them for a little while after that, film paused and fixed on Vincent's face. His face. I couldn't tell you why Vincent was the one I was and am so drawn to but maybe it's his... his power. He's quiet, he knows what he's doing and he ENJOYS it (and I love watching him fuck people up like yeeeeeees ~ honey go feral!!! Wish I could let loose sometimes, too😩). He clearly loves his brothers, he's Jonesy's Mama, he's passionate and dedicated to his family, Ambrose, his art... I wanna cup his real face in my hands and smother him in kisses until he shoves me off or cries. I wanna brush and braid his hair and then let him do the same for me - you know what that means to me, dear reader. I wanna curl up in his lap when he's working and go to sleep, knowing he has knives in his apron but instead of harming me, he'll protect me and keep me safe. I want to love Vincent and to be loved by him, too. When he shows up on screen, I smile so hard I cry, I can't help it. It's like nothing can touch me negatively when I'm with Vincent. He just makes me feel better and I wanna wear his jumpers after he's worn them so it's like he's always hugging me and surrounding me. I wanna hold his hands and hold his eye with mine and smile at him and call him pretty and beautiful and tell him all these things and good lorrrrrrrrrrd I love him so much.🥺 Many kissies for him.💋💋💋💋💋💋💋

Bo - omgggg ~ Bo!!! Bo my beloved!!! Ugh... Bo beloved. Bo-loved (he would SO murder me but worth it😤). Okay, I’ll stop while I’m ahead. To be honest, Bo TERRIFIED me for weeks after I first watched HOW. It was the raised voices, the snapping, the sudden movements, the predatory approach he has to everything he does… Bo just scared me so badly. It wasn’t until I had multiple in-depth discussions with several people here that I realised something very obvious: Bo is a human. He’s human and he’s hurt and traumatised; a wounded animal with a limb caught in a trap, consuming himself in hopes for escape, and from there I just fell in love. He went from being the one who scares me the most to the one I go to WHEN I’m scared… the duality.😂 He’s… I’m just sat here staring at the blinker key because how could I???? Quantify???? The love I hold for Bo????? It actually feels just a little bit pointless even typing this out because I could have all day to attempt it and yet I would still feel like I haven’t said it enough. I just love Bo. I would never wanna change him, I'd never want him to be anyone other than himself. He's so... god, I can't even. He never had a choice or a chance to be anything other than what we see in canon; he was so utterly destroyed by his early life, as were his brothers, but of course that's no excuse. It's only an explanation. I love his hair, the way it gets messier and more natural as the film goes on, as he loses more and more control. I love his eyes, his accent and the way his voice changes in every scene, as the ruse slips and slides all over the place because he and his brothers underestimated the kids. He's the one I go to when I need tough love. So often I'll open the freezer to look for dinner, and shut it with a, "eh, I'll skip." But then I'll picture that Look on Bo's face - you know the one - and I'll go back to the freezer and put some effort in. I imagine him saying to me, "m'proud o'ya, real proud, yeah" and giving me a smile and it makes me MELT. There's nothing I wouldn't do for a Sinclair to be proud of me, but especially Bo. Especially. Because it would have been truly earned; that would be my pride from Bo. He's the Sinclair it's hardest to get genuine affection from, so if I got Bo to say he was proud of me??? Erika.exe has shut down. I can't listen to his voice without squealing and making a fool of myself - anyone who's watched HOW with me on Discord's voice channels will know this. I wanna cup his face in my hands and tell him it wasn't his fault, he deserved better, and I love him, pretty beautiful man. I feel guilty for being so scared of him those first few weeks, but I try to make up for it with gushes like these. Would that I could tell him to his face, though (irl I'd never be so brave, but we can pretend). I want to love him and to be loved by him, to help him, but also, I genuinely wouldn't want to change any part of him. I love him because he's Bo Sinclair, in all his brutality. He's the one I want to have 3 AM conversations with. I want him to hear all the things I say to myself, repeat them back to me, and then stitch me back together with his own words and what BO sees. I want Bo to love me for me and I want him to show me how to do that for myself, too. In each other, we could learn to love ourselves... that's the kind of journey I want to undertake with Bo. I'm gonna fucking cry.💔

And Lester! asdfghjkl where do I startttttt with sweet roadkill man???? I had trouble reading him at first (Vincent really WAS the one I understood and connected to straight away; of the three, he's my One, though I love them all equally) but slowly, over many watchings, I came to get a good grip on him. He's sweet, though creepy, as blatantly perverted as his brothers (they all show it in different ways; Vinny didn't need to go so hard on those sculpture nips, Bo with his torture dungeon and all the sex toys on the walls, and Lester's blatant ogling of Carly), and he throws red flags in people's faces as hard as his brothers do. But, fuck, I love him. So much. I'm very sensitive to animals so I don't think he and I would ever have a chance together (though realistically speaking, I wouldn't with any of them because I can't drive, I live in the UK and everything and everyone scares me, but you know...😂😂😂), but I like to think he'd appreciate and want to protect me and my sensitivities. I love his voice, his sense of humour which is so dry he's the only one who knows he's joking, the way only he could pull off a dark orange shirt with a dark green cap, the way he has blood and mud all over his face. He's proud of what he does, he works hard, he does his best, he helps his brothers with the town and is just as fucked up as they are... I just wanna curl up in his lap and go to sleep. I want to hug him tightly and tell him I love him, to lick the blood off his face, to help him in all things and to encourage him with anything. To go star-gazing with him, have late conversations and midnight picnics just outside Ambrose. He's just... he's so, so beautiful, and he deserves so much more. The ending is horrific, he loses everything and everyone all in one night, apart from Jonesy, and I want to see him thrive and survive and live his best life. Lester is an absolute sweetheart and he's the Sinclair I'd knock on the bedroom door of when I can't sleep and ask for some cuddles. He's the one I'd let see me cry, the one I'd let hold me on the days I don't want anyone or anything to touch me, even my clothes (thanks, trauma). I want Lester in all his glory, in everything he is. I want to comfort him and help him, cook him dinner and get him to teach me some recipes too (I bet he makes a mean steak). I want to know what it means to be loved by Lester. In all ways - the beautiful, the ugly and every way in between.

I fucking love the Sinclairs, so much. I wish I could hold their hands and say these words to their faces, individually and then all together. They're a beautiful, gorgeous and horrific, sadistic family, and I want in all the way.😭😭😭

#erika sinclair #erika x vincent #<- comfort tags

[ringneckedpheasant]

Hi I love Kiernan a lot and I often go through his tag for a while to just Look at and Read about him. He is sooo Shaped

Anyway. I was wandering, does he ever find love/happiness post tresspasser? You’ve talked a lot about Eshaan/Dorian/Bulls post tresspasser story but I don’t think you’ve gone into Kiernans and I was wondering! I’m a little invested in him, let the goth be happy

I am. still figuring it out because of how dependent it's going to end up being on the events of DA4 but as it is I uh, do not think he's very happy, which is part of the reason I don't talk about it a ton 😅

Kiernan disbands the Inquisition but continues working to try to stop Solas, with a really, REALLY unhealthy single-mindedness about it. He made a lot of progress over the course of DA:I when it came to learning how to trust people, how to have friends, how to be comfortable with physical touch, and how to manage his anger—and then he backslides pretty badly post-Trespasser. He lost his closest friend when Solas left, and having to adjust to being disabled largely by himself was really difficult. Idk if you've read my One published Kiernan fic but he has historically had a lot of issues with suicidal ideation and that gets Worse post-Trespasser. He self isolates and pushes people away and spends probably 70% of his time in a cabin in the Free Marches drinking bad wine and reading missives from Leliana until his eyes hurt.

Up until like 2 months ago I had fully been planning to k word him in DA4 if it was a possibility because I thought it might be good narratively—the tentative idea I'd had was Solas k wording him by accident during a confrontation, because I love tragedies and I love to be miserable—and then I thought about the two of them while listening to Astronaut by Beach House and now I mostly want them to go to couple's counseling (because I also love divorced people getting back together).

I feel bad that all of this is so negative so a few nice things are that his friendship with Dorian remains largely intact and they talk to each other regularly via sending crystal, he gets to see his sister more than he did while he was Inquisitor, he has a horse that he really likes, and while the self-isolation is unhealthy, it's better for him in some ways than being at Skyhold was—he's just not dealing with as many bigots and templars and bigoted templars on a regular basis. He feels safe in a way he rarely did when he was surrounded by people.

I haven't figured out how to work Ehsaan into Kiernan's canon yet, but I'd like to at some point because I think meeting him post-DA:I would be good for Kiernan. He is The Most Touch Averse Man In The World but a few good hugs from Ehsaan might cure him. I think that'd be strictly platonic but who knows, maybe getting *** ***** *** ** ****** would also cure him 😂

sorry this is So Much but I'm glad that you like Kiernan! And other people wanting happy endings for him has definitely guilted me a little into reconsidering him dy*ng sdkjskdjskdj

#i used to have a lot of ideas about kiernan and fenris meeting but that was Before i realized just how deeply in love w solas he'd been #and how attached to him he still is even though all he lets other people see is Burning Hatred </3 #anyway kiernan really is shaped #satanic-fruitcake #love ur icon btw. trans masc king. #kiernan lavellan #answered #i feel like i barely answered your actual question and i'm so sorry

[sparkleapple]

Eurovision 2022 Song Opinions

Albania - I'm pleasantly surprised w their choice this year and it's something I've been wanting for a long time. I've know that Albanians know how to make a good party song and Sekret does not fail to deliver. I'm rooting hard for this and I can sense that it will be one of Albania's best result in a long time.

Armenia - It sounds like a hipster song from the early-mid 2010s that you'd hear in an ad.

Australia - They don't even belong here, but it's very Eurovision and he has a nice voice I guess

Austria - Definitely sounds like a radio friendly hit you'd see in Spinnin' Records. It's probably going to be a flop, but I'm just happy they're not sending another boring jury bait song.

Azerbaijan - So I've waited so long for them to release this song just to hear this snorefest? You've got to be kiddin me. Also do Azeri people feel so badly about their song writing/producing abilities that they have to depend on Sweden (or some western european country) every fuckin time? The chorus is pretty though.

Belgium - Is this the year of changing things? Because Belgium isn't giving us some mid tempo songs and an R&B one instead (which you hardly ever see in ESC). I absolutely love his voice and energy and this sounds like something straight out of Atlanta. I'm worried about his fate though...

Bulgaria - Wow. I expect great things from Bulgaria, but this is a huge disappointment and outdated as hell.

Croatia - Forgettable Taylor Swift demo

Cyprus - Sounds more Greek than anything Greece has sent these recent years. Woodland fairy vibes.

Czech Republic - Generic

Denmark - I love seeing a female rock song, but this sounds dated and is bound to be lost in the semifinals

Estonia - For the love of god, can Europe stop imitating country music?! Why would you want to mimic the US in a place like this? That said, I do like this song actually and at least it's not the Netherlands doing it.

Finland - The lack of rock entries this year is disappointing, and this one is the best one, but that's not saying much. The song's alright. However I love the Gorillaz like animation and, this did introduce me to the Rasmus, which lead me to "In the Shadows", which is a great song, so thank you for that.

France - LOVE! I'm a sucker for an ethnic techno track and the mysterious aura and Brenton makes me love it even more. Will certainly stand out. This is my personal winner. Well done France.

Germany - Forgettable Travis McCoy demo

Greece - Sure it's well produced and will certainly be in the top 10, but it feels very safe and not Greek at all. Gives off more Nordic vibes. If she was a Norweigan representative I'd like this song more. I'm just tired of Greece sending half Greek girls that aren't from Greece...

Iceland - When I first heard it, I thought it was boring, but now I enjoy it. It's pretty and sounds like a warm hug while camping in an Icelandic forest.

Ireland - I usually expect Ireland to send dull songs, but it was a pleasant surprise to hear this bop.

Israel - Fun and very Euroivision. Is it safe to call Israel the king of ESC gay performers?

Italy - I'm not a fan of returning performers bc I like seeing new faces and at first I was annoyed to see Mahmood return (this time with a little friend though). When I actually heard the song, I realized I was a clown. This song is great and it's very different from what he sent last time. If Italy doesn't end up with a high placement this year, no hosting country will.

Latvia - So they're not sending an electronic song. A joke entry I see. Very memeable. I miss the good old days when esc entries did stuff like this.

Lithuania - I thought it was going to hard to have a song almost as good as the Roop last year, but they ate this year too. I can't get enough. Smooth, unique, and mysterious with a touch of 20s/30s sounds. If this doesn't make to the finals, I'll riot.

Malta - I take back what I said about this bing the year of changing things up. Wtf is this hot mess? Out of Sight, while boring was still pleasant. Although with Malta's desperate attempt to be low odds, they replaced that song with something much worse. A corny ass Melofest reject that nobody's going to care for. If they place last in the semifinal, they deserve it. Also I'm tired of them only having girls.

Moldova - A simple, fun, ethnic song that's very eurovision.

Montenegro - I was looking forward for their return, especially since they haven't had a solo female singer in such a long time, but this song is pretty boring and the lyrics are cringey af. So much for making a comeback.

Netherlands - When I saw images of S10, I thought we were going to get a pop song, but instead we get a sad girl song in Dutch, which is even better. I don't like her voice, but I do like this song.

North Macedonia - I know it likely won't make it to the final, but I love it anyway and I can't stop listening to it. It also feels a bit nostalgic.

Norway - For a gimmicky entry with lyrics that don't make sense, it's a banger. It's even got a dance to go with it. Definitely something that'll motivate me to go hard on the treadmill. Another one of my faves.

Poland - Considering how had they've been flopping, I was surprised to see that they ate this year. Easy qualifier. I'd say it's the best of the sad boi ballads.

Portugal - Ooh I like this one. Seems very earthy and touching for someone who lost a loved one. If we forget about last year, Portugal has been serving as quality lately.

Romania - When I think of Romanian music, this is what comes to mind. Good ole' summer dance songs that we heard more in late 2000s- early 2010s. As a fan of Inna and Akcent, this is something up my alley.

San Marino - I heard this guy is popular in Italy so I was surprised to see someone like him represent this tiny country. What was even more surprising was to see them have a rock song and not some disco song.

Serbia - As a fellow weird person with a monotone and obsession with hygiene, I appreciate it. I can see it being a future iconic entry with its catchiness and gimmick on hand washing.

Slovenia - It's a shame this song is overlooked. It's a great example of a modern retro song (with a cute music video to boot). These kids have a mature taste.

Spain - Okay, y'all only like this basic ass song because of the choreography. That doesn't change the fact that the song is mediocre. Also the lyrics are cringey and I'm sick of women objectifying themselves. I'm not looking forward to seeing Chanel and her backup dancer's cheeks.

Sweden - I've tried to see what makes this song so high in the odds, but I still don't see it. Her voice is nice, but this sounds like something in the A Star is Born soundtrack, which I don't care for. But hey, at least they're not boring us with another generic male pop song.

Switzerland - I was disappointed considering how well they've been doing lately after so many years, they've sent us this Toy Story song. Don't get me wrong, he has a great voice and I really love the message of the song, but the delivery could have been better.

Ukraine - I prefer the Alina's song, but this one is great too. Fun, ethnic, and lighthearted with the iconic flute guy. I know for sure this will do well, but I'm afraid a lot of its points will be sympathy points and making it win would be cruel seeing that Ukraine can't afford to be the host country both location and financial wise.

UK - From the looks of it, this looks like it won't be a flop and possibly in the top 10. I wouldn't get my expectations to high though. The staging could be a hot ass mess and end up in the bottom once again.

#eurovision #esc #eurovision 2022 #esc 2022

[soft4gguk]

hi tess! (hope it’s okay if i call you this 😭) it’s your #1 fan anon 🌹 honestly it’s taken me a few days to reel in my excitement that you are back and you responded to me! i’m so thoroughly touched from how much thought and love you exude with every response to everyone who shares their thoughts. i just want to thank you from the bottom of my lil heart because you truly shined a light on me as i’ve been struggling a shit ton mentally. your mind is very special and very beautiful and i hope those around you cherish and support that because it’s very hard to come by. when i had sent that message, you had already been gone for awhile but my heart held hope that it would find you someday. i cant explain how much happiness i felt to see that you’re inspired to write tbah again!!!! it truly is one of thee most beautiful pieces of writing i’ve ever had the pleasure of reading. thank you so so so much for taking the time to elaborately respond to me, i can’t explain how much it means. i hope this message finds you well, and that you’re taking care and doing the things that make you happy and are surrounded by love because you deserve nothing short.

as always,

- your #1 fan 🫰🏽

oh, my love, the smile that this message put on my face, I can't even describe it. I am so relieved you're back and that my reply found you just like I so badly hoped it would. I think about your message often, and trust that whenever I sit down to write even if just a bit of tbah, I can't help but think of you and how much your message touched me and found me just when I needed it the most as I'd been contemplating coming back and needed the extra push you granted. I know there's only so much a random person on the internet can do, but know I'm always here to shine as much light as I can whenever you need me to and that if u ever want to talk, my inbox and messages are always open. it's the biggest cliche in the world, but time heals everything and it does get better. I am sending you the biggest hug that fits me and I truly am hoping you're feeling better, at whichever pace you decide or are allowed to. you deserve nothing short of this as well!! and I am sending your well wishes right back to u multiplied times ten. thank u for loving me and for loving my story - I love u tons. so glad you're here <3333

with love,

tess (ofc u can call me that) ur biggest fan too hehe 🦋

#fav #🌹

[izzy-b-hands]

Rewatching Metalocalypse in between episodes of OFMD and had the most haunting/stupid idea for a conversation between Toki and Ed

Because, in this musician's au I've got going on (there's a whole post I didn't get finished last night about a new fic draft for this I'm working on, with Dethklok and Ed's band (it's just him, Izzy, Fang, Ivan, and anyone else who occasionally circles through but doesn't stick around lol.) ) there are a lot of nice weird little pockets to fit in conversations that flit v quickly between serious to funny to oh that shouldn't be funny probably but it is a bit

And this is one of them that I just love so much. They've both got issues re: parents and dads, and had a hand in their father's deaths like. There's no easy fic intro into a conversation that in every iteration in my head goes something like:

"So," Toki flops on the couch by Ed. "I killeds my dads."

Ed frowns, and sets aside the magazine Pickles insisted he take right when he walked in, as 'a guest in their home.' "Okay. That's one way to start a conversation. I'm gonna counter with what the actual fuck? Why would you ask me that?"

Toki's eyes go wide. "You toos? I thoughts I was the only ones!"

Ed stares at the wall ahead of them, noting the flecks of dried blood as Toki hugs him tight enough to hurt. "Uh. Yeah. Yeah, I did. Not really the sort of thing I like to...we should go find Izzy and Pickles and see how the kitchen tour is going. We're here to write a song with you guys anyway, so maybe if we just get up to go do that and never talk about our dads or anyone's dads ever again-"

"You gets me," Toki interrupts softly, giving his torso another squeeze. "How does you feel abouts cats?"

---

And so on and so forth of Toki and Ed getting to know each other better on a surprisingly sweet and vulnerable level (legit I think Ed would fucking love Toki's models. They could make model ships together!)then scene cutting into whatever the kitchen tour entails and whether or not I'd want to take a stab at creating actual lyrics for a fic (spoiler alert, probably not, because I usually wimp out on doing that out of fear they'll be The Worst lmao.)

However, aside from writing it in the necessary way to try and match similar beats of a scene for OFMD and Metalocalypse, there's just. So much underneath there if I were to dip more ooc and write it just. Full breakdown (or rather, not so much ooc as the 'what would it take for him to say that' version of things) of Ed admitting yeah, he did kill his dad, Toki turning into a velcro guitarist hugging him to death, but instead of a few lighter but still personal shared details in dialogue then scene cut to Pickles and Izzy and the kitchen tour (aka Pickles uses the microwave and the oven to make homemade edibles on rare occasions, so they're just discussing how best to decarb different forms of weed for edibles. The kitchen staff aren't allowed to start working until they leave, and would badly like them to fuck off anywhere else), we just. Have the conversation. As painful and awkward as it might be for two dudes who really only kind of know each other on a business/work level that's edging towards 'actual interest in the other person'/friends level.

Ed can tell how he strangled his abusive father to save himself and his mum from having to live under his thumb any longer; Toki can tell about slipping and sending his cancer-ridden abusive dad to an icy watery grave after having literally just said he was forgiving him for everything he had done. Insert a bit there from Toki about his conflicted feelings re: did his dad even register that Toki was forgiving him before he was frozen and dead? And does it matter either way, now that he'll never know how his dad would have reacted to that forgiveness?

Does it fix every issue they have with their dads? Absolutely not, it's one conversation, not years of much needed therapy. But they have a cry over it and admit that it's incredibly lonely to be in their specific situations with their parents like that, whether the killing was an out of necessity on purpose (Ed) or more accidental (Toki, though he murmurs to Ed, almost whispers, that he knew how slippery it would get as he climbed higher up that mountain with his father in his arms. He could have slowed down, tried to be mindful of the snow and ice packing the treads of his boots. And he just wanted it all to be over with, but not like that. Not how it actually happened.)

I know the ppl interested in this part of the au are minimal but I just. have so much that keeps randomly hitting me that I'm dying to share on the off chance anyone else is interested fdsakjfl

#text post #long post #this is just be blabbing abt musician au fic ideas #specifically dethklok and the ed izzy fang and ivan band section of it and even more specifically #ed and toki and them having a bond over dads and death and maybe models and cats too

[wakanai]

Romantically speaking, which BSD character do you think it's more compatible with you?

hello cathy!!!

aaaaa thank you for this ask hehe! 🤭🤭

sorry it's a bit late. I try to take a break from tumblr sometimes (usually on Sundays) but yea 💞👍

I actually spent some time thinking about this yesterday.

and I came up with 2 answers.

1.)

(I so badly wanted to put a smiling picture of Odasaku but it's from pinterest and I'm not sure who the OG artist is so 😔)

but anyways!!!

Odasaku.

He strikes me as the 'ride or die' kind of friend. Whenever Dazai wants to do something crazy, Oda goes along with it and is SO CALM. He can be goofy with Dazai and Ango. In Dark Era, Dazai once drugged their food and when Dazai offered to cook again, Ango was like "NO!" but Oda was literally just like, "If it keeps you from getting tired, then it must be good."

Oda is a listener. He listens a lot and is VERY observant. He's good at understanding other people BUT he also doesn't act like he knows everything about them.

I like that.

Tbh I want more adventure in my life. I think Oda would be very good and understanding with me 🤭 If I think of doing something crazy, he might go along with it and help me. He's very calm even in stressful situations so that would help me a lot.

I'm also a listener-type-of-person so we would listen to each other. I'd listen to all his cool backstories and ask him questions about the book he's writing. We can help each other make stories haha.

He has low self esteem but I can support him and try to make him feel better.

I want him to treat me like how he treats Dazai.

Unless it's a life-or-death situation, he doesn't force Dazai to do anything. He's 100% honest and doesn't try to control Dazai or manipulate things. He's usually always on board and doesn't judge when Dazai says something crazy.

I want that. I don't want him to treat me like a kid/control things for me/lie to me and I want him to spoil me.

I think he's the type to remember everything even if it's just a small detail. 💞

Lastly, he's brutally honest but he says it in a calm, non-aggressive way.

Oda is also the kind of person who you can confront without worrying.

He's very caring and considerate.

I think we could work well together 👍

The next person is..

2.)

Nikolai Gogol!!!

I mentioned earlier that I want more adventure in my life.

Nikolai can definitely help with that 🤭

He's so chaotic, bubbly, and goofy!!

I like goofy people who are loud and make jokes.

Nikolai is VERY EXPRESSIVE when it comes to people he likes.

He doesn't get shy at holding Fyodor's hands or saying out loud in front of everyone that Fyodor is his << dearest friend >>

I like that! If he was my partner, he'd probably tell everyone about it and hug me a lot --- which I like 💗 (I really like hugs lol)

Besides being goofy and funny, He's also very philosophical.

We can talk together about the deep things of life ✨

Lastly,

with Fyodor, Nikolai continues to stay on Fyodor's side even though Fyodor doesn't respond with the same energy.

Sometimes I get drained or busy and I don't feel like responding right away.

Even if I seen zone Nikolai or send dry texts, he won't get mad at me and he'll be the same as always.

He's okay even if he cares about me more than I care about him.

My mom told me,

<< find someone who's more in love with you than you are with them so that you won't get hurt as much>>

Ik this may sound toxic to some but dw, I'll treat him better than Fyodor.

AND OFC -- I'll actually care about him. ❤️

It might be hard to connect with him at first because he is a criminal but I think he'd be fun (fictionally speaking) to have a relationship with.

Also..

I like clingy people but not *too clingy.*

Nikolai is clingy and he will always express to you that he likes you.

I like that and at the same time,

I like that he doesn't get mad when Fyodor doesn't act as clingy as him.

He still shows Fyodor affection even if Fyodor doesn't like him back lol.

*****

TLTR: Oda and Nikolai ❤️

***

Thank you for the ask!

I really enjoyed doing this :D

also I'm not really that toxic btw :")

I just don't like "clingy" when they get mad over little things like seen-zones or expect you to always be there for them.

that's all <3

#thank you for the ask! #i love it #feel free to be honest w me btw :D #Ik we're very different and thats what makes it interesting <3 #im going to send you an ask too :D <3 #long asks #ask