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#i looked it up on youtube the other day and couldnt believe no one else had done it
wintermutal · 2 years
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not going to add to that post because its 12 million feet long already but i cannot believe that there was a time when you, as a child, could actually go walk around with your friends unsupervised. i was born in 1999 and grew up in a middle class midwestern suburb, and none of it was within walking distance to anything unless you had a bike and at least a half an hour to kill riding over gravel and across a highway. everything we did was unsupervised in somebody else's backyard, or in somebody else's room at their house, or in a place in school we could sneak off to without anyone catching us. the busses were watched, getting on and off the busses were watched, lunches were watched, recesses were watched, and any after school activities were structured and watched.
its absolutely wild to me to hear that people got to hang out at the mall, just like, being trusted to come and go as you will-- i would assume we would get kicked out if we stayed in one place too long, or otherwise that people would assume we were stealing. my parents never trusted us that much (and that goes for like, most of the people i knew at school and stuff), even when we tried desperately to be trusted. in my sophmore year of college, i went for a walk around our neighborhood without telling anyone and my mom nearly called the police within 10 minutes of me not picking up because she didn't know where i was, because that was after i turned off the tracker on my phone (the 'find friends' thing on the iphone? yeah my family just casually watched that like, for fun, it was super weird).
you just didn't.... do those things in the time i grew up in. you couldnt just go to the mall without asking anyone, and stay with your friends without someone knowing. it actually fills me with a kind of deep-seeded grief when i hear about my older friends going out and getting into trouble as latchkey kids, and like, dont get me wrong i know that there were problems with latchkey stuff too, but everything in my childhood and teen years was structured around the idea that the world was a dangerous place, and if you went unsupervised for too long you would either get into trouble or get abducted and killed, and that it was best for adults to treat their kids with skepticism and assume that they're lying. to this day im kind of baffled that as an adult i can just go places and do things with no reason if i feel like it.
like.....i really feel for the zoomers. im not sure if im considered a zoomer or a millennial, but if my friends and i spent most of our time on the computer in each other's rooms to hang out, i cant imagine what it looks like now. iphones weren't invented until i was like, 7, so my early childhood wasn't quite the same youtube algorithm thing that ends up happening now.
fuck capitalism affecting every aspect of every part of culture and life, man
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coralstudiies · 4 years
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hello everyone! I got an ask from an anon asking for tips on time management so i decided to type this out before school starts heheh…
poor time management and procrastination, unfortunately, plague just about all of us lol. people with a short attention span (like me) and who are pretty much always on their phone (me again) and who hate scheduling are the most susceptible to these.
over the years i struggled with time management(studying the night before the exam 🤙🏼) but! these are some tips that have helped me in scheduling, avoiding procrastination and improving time management.
1. Write it down
as always, we’re starting with BEFORE the actual task. write all tasks, assignments, projects and homework, test dates down somewhere (notebook preferably so that you dont lose it. it doesn’t have to be your bujo and you do not have to start a bujo for this specific reason!!!) and write the deadlines. this is subconscious pressure to do work once you get home. also, since you can see everything, it’s easier to schedule it out later
2. Use travel time
i cannot stress this enough!!!! sorry that it appears in all my tips posts but it truly is very useful. for short commutes, review the content you’ve learnt so that when you start on your homework, you’ve already got the hang of it. ie you dont struggle to understand the chapter and be put off from finishing your work because you hate it. long commutes can be used to complete work itself. i like to place some books and a file under my worksheet while i write (if i have a seat lol) or you can take this time to plan your time in greater detail
3. Actually plan your time
you dont have to fancy it up with like, brush pens and highlighters. just do something on google sheets or excel. divide the day into appropriate blocks of time.
for me, since i use a focus timer (50+10 or 100+20, rare cases i do 120 with a long break after that) i keep my days in 1hr blocks. so i’d block in about 1hour after i reach home to chill, clean up and so on, 2hrs for homework and the remaining time can be divided by hour/2hours to complete my work. you can tweak the timings to work for you but so far this one suits me pretty well.
4. NEVER RUSH YOUR HOMEWORK AND REVISION WHEN PLANNING!!!!
i repeat, never rush. because when you give only, say, one hour to review 3 chapters and you fail to do so within that time limit, you feel demoralised and hence, will not want to work more. this is a very common issue i believe. sometimes i would rush revise and when i couldnt stick to the timelines, i’ll feel so defeated that i’ll probably binge watch youtube to cure my self-pity LOL
give yourself an ample amount of time. Assign one or two hours a day as ‘delay time’ (this was my free time) so that you can catch up on anything that unfortunately, you couldn’t finish. Assign one day of the week to be the ‘delay day’ -- anything that you cant finish the week before, do it now. this means that you can still ‘save’ your plan even if it screwed up somewhere along the way. it works wonders, believe me! i used to have ‘delay hours’ after training where i would (ahem sadly) study from 2330-0030 if i needed to. while i was tired, i always got my work done.
5. Prioritise
this one needs no explanation. i usually choose which task to start on based on a combination of deadline+importance+graded/non-graded. i start early for graded assignments because they count towards my semester’s final grade and i want to hand up the best quality work i can. find a system which works for you! note: start project work and large assignments early.
you can assign simple tasks first to start the ball rolling, and proceed with harder tasks.
alternatively, if you’re at your prime focus, start with the hardest and scale down to the simple.
6. Make good use of holidays + Wake up early
ok i used to game a LOT and go to training a LOT (still happens now lol) during holidays but i wouldnt get any of my holiday work done.
do your holiday homework first. schedule your time well, and maybe stay home and resist the urge to go out for the first 5 days. finish all your work (again, schedule well) with breaks in between.
thereafter, schedule maybe 3-5 hours a day to revise. if you’re going out with friends, i’d suggest you wake up early to study because once you come home you’re usually dead tired HAHA
so how early is early?? during my o levels study break i would wake up at 0330 (yes, for real) but i slept at 2130 every night. so thats 6 hours of sleep wew but AT LEAST i was very productive. think about it this way: waking up early to study at 0330 makes you more productive than studying till 0330. you don’t have to wake up THIS early, but preferably early enough when the sky’s still dark so that you can fit in those extra hours. DO NOT sacrifice sleep. that’s why you can see i’m still sleeping my usual amount, albeit sleeping and waking earlier.
more perks of waking up early: its quiet outside, the air is cool, your mind gets into the ‘get shit done’ mode, and if you absolutely have to use your phone to search something up, your social media probably won’t be pinging. in other words, early mornings are actually a great time to study! remember to eat something though :>
7. Remove all distractions to prevent possible procrastination
YES i know this is the dreaded one. lock your phone somewhere inconvenient and put the key outside your room. or if you don’t lock it make sure your phone is far away from you as possible. please i know how deadly your phone can get so just put it away.
if you find yourself drifting away and looking at something else, remove that.
alternatively, change up your study environment. you don’t have to go to the library or something (you can if you want to). this is as simple as studying in a different part of the house. a new environment helps to ‘prick’ my mind and help me ignore distractions. i dont know if this is scientifically proven but oh well, worth a try.
8. 2-minute rule
this is something i picked up from @studyquill! it’s pretty helpful (although i was skeptical at first). Tell yourself you’re only going to work for 2 minutes, which helps you get into the workflow. chances are you’ll get so into it (ok not in an excited but rather in a determined way) that you don’t feel like stopping.
if you’ve had a long day and after 2 mins you still don’t get any momentum, just stop and take a 15 min break. that means you’re really too tired and there’s no point in forcing yourself to complete your work.
9. Use reminders
set reminders on your phone for the tasks you need to do. for example, if you’ve planned to start work at 1500, set the reminder to ring 5 minutes before so you have time to gather all your stuff and ready yourself to do work. no excuses!!
set reminders for your breaks as well! those are equally important.
10. Reward yourself
if everything you need to do is done, give yourself a pat on the back. have you been extremely productive? great, treat yourself to your favourite drink/snack. honestly i feel like many of our brains function on the ‘reward’ system. if we reward ourselves for a job well done, we’ll be more willing to complete tasks and stay on time in the future (the brain thinks there’s a reward coming)
remember to take care of your mental health as well! this is one good way to ensure you don’t end up mentally exhausted.
Apps to help with time management
1. Tide - focus timer, meditation, beautiful and calming soundtracks (my fav!)
2. Pendo - everything in one tbh, schedule, to-do list, journal etc. (my fav too!)
3. Forest - focus timer $$$ (free alternative: flora)
4. Donut Dog - focus timer
5. Todoist - minimalist to-do list
6. Minimalist - minimalist to-do list
7. Google Calender - your entire schedule
8. Todait - smart study planner
a quick search will bring out many more! note these are all available on iOS but i’m not sure about google play. you don’t need everything to be productive. i rely only on Tide, Pendo and my iPhone calender and reminders. It’s less about having many ‘tools’ and more about how you properly and wisely utilise them to boost your productivity and manage your time.
also i don't think pendo is very well-known?? so this is how its interface looks like for 'Notes':
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it's pretty, simple and clean and there are several themes to choose from! i rly like it omg HAHA (not a promo)
alright that's all! hope it helped :>
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answering questions I’ve been asked on TikTok✨
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QUESTION: how did you get into reading?
So, when I was in middle school (many moons ago) we had this thing called AR Testing. Basically, you read a book and take a test on it—the questions were things that happened in the book, it was really simple. If you got a good grade, you got points. The more points you earned, the more eligible you were for the reading party at the end of each semester. Me, being the nerd I am, got top of my class because I went through 8th grade level books like it was nothing. The librarian at my school brought me books from the high school to read since everything was easy for me, and alas, my addiction began. And now that I have adult money, it’s a true addiction. Also, telling my father “I’m bored” and his response being, “go read a book or something” so thanks dad.
QUESTION: what’s one book you ALWAYS recommend to people?
This one is tough because I’ve read THOUSANDS of books, but if I had to choose one, it would probably be Confess by Colleen Hoover. I fell in love with her work in high school when I first read Ugly Love, but Confess is the type of book that pulls at your heart strings, y’all. It has everything people love: humor, sexual tension, drama, love. GO BUY THE DAMN BOOK. Or honestly any book by Colleen Hoover—she’s a fucking amazing author.
QUESTION: outside of making TikToks, what do you do for a living?
I currently work at a restaurant and hate every second of it. If anyone tells you to become a server, DONT. It’s not worth the hassle, I promise you. Sure, you can make decent money but the amount of rude customers and shitty tips you receive each shift is very disheartening. If you really need a job, do anything BUT work in the food industry.
QUESTION: what’s your wattpad story about?
First question: which one? I have about 30 drafts sitting there waiting to be posted. But, I’m going to assume you’re talking about the Harry Styles fan fiction I’ve been working on for the past 4 years and haven’t had the courage to post. I’ll tell you a little about it: Elaine Aldridge is forced into a betrothal to a man she’s never met & loathes. She goes to his court and realizes things aren’t what they truly seem. And the guard her future husband sticks on her??? None other than Mr. Harry Styles. Add in some magic & deaths and you’ve got my story— The First Prince. (Honestly, that’s an extremely shitty description so if you wanna check it out go to my wattpad account)
QUESTION: how old are you?
Ahem. . . twenty-one.
QUESTION: what is your dream career?
Being a published author and having people rave about my books. That’s all. Or, an editor for a publishing company. Imagine reading all day and being paid for it🤩
QUESTION: what was your least favorite read of 2020?
I already KNOW I’m gonna get shit for this but....... the wicked king. YALL I LITERALLY COULDNT GET THROUGH IT IM SO SORRY, I STILL HAVENT FINISHED IT
QUESTION: current favorite author?
Sarah. J. Maas. I don’t know what it is about her writing style, but it’s addicting. Throne of Glass is hands down the best series I’ve ever read. A Court of Thorns and Roses is the first book I’ve EVER reread. Her stories truly suck you in and hold onto you—you get lost so easily in her writing and it’s like once you’re done with a series, nothing will compare. Or, at least that’s how I felt after finishing Kingdom of Ash. Honorable mentions: Jennifer L. Armentrout, Penelope Douglas, L.J Shen, Elle Kennedy and Kennedy Fox.
QUESTION: any recommendations/tips to give to a new reader?
I’ve always given this advice to people who want to get into reading: find what you like and start with that. If you like romance, I’ve got a list for you to choose from. Mystery? Another list. Sci-fi? I GOT YOU. Fantasy? Yes! Sports fiction? It might take me a second but I’ll find you a book. Nonfiction? I’m zero help in that category, honestly. The point of the matter is that you’re never going to enjoy a book if you aren’t interested in the underlying topics.
QUESTION: do you ever find yourself comparing your life to fictional life?
Yes. All the time. I daydream about being apart of the Inner Circle and living in Terrasen with Aelin and Rowan. I think about what it would be like to have real powers and a mate. It drives my boyfriend crazy—but he loves me anyway.
QUESTION: what are your most anticipated books of 2021?
Here’s a list:
A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas
The Crown of Gilded Bones by Jennifer L. Armentrout
Gods and Monsters by Shelby Mahurin
Crescent City 2 (Untitled) by Sarah J. Maas
A Vow So Bold and Deadly by Brigid Kemmerer (I just ordered this one & it arrives tomorrow)
Blessed Monsters by Emily A. Duncan
QUESTION: why did you start a Tumblr?
Honestly, I used to love tumblr when I was in grade school (way too young to be on here then but what else is new). I like having an extra space to get my questions and comments out without having to compress it into a 60 second video for TikTok to see. Tumblr is a good place to blog & post things like this.
QUESTION: what’s your favorite song right now?
I’ve listened to Carry You by Novo Amor every day for the past two months and I cry each time.
QUESTION: why write Harry Styles fan fiction?
Simple: I love Harry Styles. I’ve been a fan of him and One Direction since they were on X FACTOR. Read that again. X. Factor. I used to watch their performances on YouTube before WMYB even came out. Of course, I love all of the 1D boys but I was always a Harry gal. And I look up to him in a way—I’ve read things about people wishing they knew him personally and honestly? I would never want to meet him. I like the version of him I’ve cooked up in my brain over the past 10 years. I like the symbiotic relationship I have with his music. Fine Line is a ✨masterpiece✨. HS1 is a ✨work of art✨.
now, some topics I’ve been asked way too many times and want to finally get to:
QUESTION: political views?
the saying “anyone but trump” has been in my brain for the past four years. No, I’m not a republican. No, I’m not a democrat. I like to think of myself as a progressive (ahem, liberal) Did I vote for a democratic candidate? Yes, and I’d do it again and again until the US isn’t one of the worst countries—I’m sorry, businesses— to be apart of. I wanted Bernie but got Biden, and I’m alright with that. And my girl Kamala🥳
QUESTION: how did you feel about the BLM protests?
I went to multiple BLM protests and donated a lot of funds to BLM & other organizations. It’s 2021, people... stop being fucking RACIST. And don’t be afraid to call racist people out! Black Lives Matter, even if no one is posting about it anymore.
QUESTION: thoughts on abortion?
your body your choice, queen! not my uterus, not my problem.
QUESTION: there was a comment on an old video of yours talking about r*pe, why did you delete the comment?
I made a video when I first started my account on TikTok about reading in public and feeling “turned on” by it. Go watch it if you don’t know what I’m talking about. BUT, some ignorant male decided to comment and say “this is how girls get r*ped”. Whew. So. I deleted the comment because ....
I am a victim of sexual assault. Along with a lot of other women. 1 in 5 women have been victims of sexual assault. Talking about being r*ped isn’t funny.
No one else needed to see his comment. I reported it immediately and his account was shut down.
I never got justice for what happened to me, and the fact that some random male—who had never even met me or seen me before my video showed up on his FYP—had the nerve to comment that? Unacceptable.
this question isn’t as controversial but
QUESTION: what’s the best way to get out of a toxic relationship?
okay, let me just start off by saying that the people around you who love and support you are going to be your backbone. Leaving a toxic situation is hard, and every situation is different, but my best piece of advice to offer you is don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your loved ones are going to be there for you when you need them, even if you don’t believe they will. If you explain what’s happening, someone you know and love will drop whatever it is their doing to make sure you get out safely. good luck my babes.
now, back to our regularly scheduled program:
QUESTION: any tips on making tiktoks?
Literally none. I post what I think is funny and relatable and if anyone agrees, I’m satisfied. Even if it’s one view, it’s good enough for me. So I guess my one tip is to not base your life off of an app and followers.
QUESTION: favorite Harry Styles fanfic?
DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE. Duplicity is up there, along with Stall 1&2, and Kiwi. After? Absolutely not.
QUESTION: favorite WEBTOON?
y’all already KNOW. LORE OLYMPUS BY USEDBANDAID. Rachel is a genius and I have reread the series a million times. Hades is my soulmate and Apollo can rot in the fiery pits of the Underworld. also, if we’re talking about other webcomics, reading Walk on Water on mangadex...🤫
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QUESTION: favorite movie?
Howls Moving Castle. I will be getting my “a heart is a heavy burden” tattoo very very soon.
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QUESTION: I read your Elain theory on tumblr, can you explain a little more?
I thought I was pretty straightforward but I’ll say it again: she is always the “good” one and it’s too suspicious. SJM has already given one Archeron sister a happy ending, Nesta’s is obviously inevitable, but Elain? She has too many options for a happy ending. Lucien, who is her “mate”. Azriel, who is intrigued by her slightly. Her human guy—I don’t remember his name—who is disgusted that she’s not human anymore. Or, alone, planting flowers all day. BUT! My point is that she’s not truly happy. She was forced into the Cauldron just like Nesta. She was ripped away from the life she loved so dearly and didn’t want to give up. The man she was going to marry now hates her guts because she’s a High Fae. She has the perfect set up for a villain plot line and I’m all here for it.
well, that’s all I feel like doing tonight. hope you enjoyed my little q&a! be kind, and talk to you later! byeeee!
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Alright ya’ll buckle up, because I think me and my sister just solved Sanders Sides.
The idea stemmed from a comment that one of my sister’s friends made regarding her deceit christmas sweater. This friend had never seen the show before and after my sister explained the concept of the show to her, she asked if the side on her sweater was envy. My sister obviously corrected her and said that the side was Deceit, but she thought it was super strange how that was the first thing the friend came up with. Apparently it was the two headed snake that led her to pick envy.
So this made us think that if Deceit could also represent envy, then maybe the other sides could also encompass one of the seven deadly sins. The sin is not their main function, but each side has a sin that they are in control of. This theory also solidifies the orange side theory as there are seven deadly sins, and with six sides, that would mean we only have one sin left. It’s also fair to mention that the show itself goes out of its way to talk about the seven deadly sins in DWIT, and the show rarely does things without a purpose. So here’s our big, seven deadly sins theory on the show.
💛Deceit and envy:
Envy is defined as a sad or resentful covetousness towards the traits or possessions of someone else. Basically jealously towards what someone has that you do not. Interestingly enough, we’ve already seen Deceit display envy on multiple occasions. Throughout SvsS Deceit is baffled that Thomas is allowing his friends to be happy and have their special day, while letting himself suffer. Deceit feels envious of Thomas’ friends and the joy that they’ll be having on their wedding day. Not only this but, Deceit has also been established as containing a lot of Thomas’ selfish desires, and it goes without saying that envy is a faily selfish sin.
There are also many places where it can be assumed that Deceit feels envy. He is envious towards the light sides and how easily thomas accepts them. He is envious of Patton, not only because of how much Thomas loves him, but how much more Virgil loves him that he loved Deceit. He could also be envious of Virgil for leaving the dark sides and getting what Deceit wants most, acceptance from Thomas. I believe that Deceits arc is where his envy will truly shine.
❤️Roman and greed:
Roman’s connection to his sin is fairly interesting as he, out of all the sides, does the best job ignoring it. Roman is clearly greedy and wants what he desires, but he seems to push away the greed in order to appease not only Thomas, but also Patton. Roman could have easily been greedy and pushed Thomas to go to the callback in SvsS, but he didnt, instead hiding his deepest desires. While doing this obviously made patton feel a lot happier, it also leaves open a door for Roman’s much anticipated arc.
Unfortunatly for Roman, a lot of his desires are impossible to accheive. He is creativity and imagination after all, so he could really want something that is simply too unrealistic to have. For example, in Dealing with a Breakup, Roman clearly wants to get back together with Thomas’ ex, but everyone knows that something like that is unrealistic. In almost every case that Roman shows greed, he pushes it down and ignores it. All of this build up is leading to an arc where he deals with his greedy thoughts and possibly learns that sometimes, its okay to be greedy.
💚Remus and lust:
Honestly, I don’t really feel like I have to explain this one. So far Remus has been the only side to show any sexual character traits, so he would clearly also carry the sin of lust with him.
💜Virgil and sloth:
This one I’m super excited about because it makes a ton of sense. Anyone with anxiety would know that it keeps you from doing a lot of things that you really want to do. Have a social event to go to? Nope. How about we stay home instead and watch youtube. I’m sure a lot of you can relate. This same interaction is literally the entire basis of the newest Asides episode. Virgil is anxious about going to the party with the friend they fought with, so Thomas stays home and sits on the couch watching movies the whole night. Logan even goes as far as mentioning something along the lines of “Do you know how many times we worry about a decision over and over again until its too late for Thomas to change his mind?” Practically calling virgil out.
Apart from this, its also fair to mention that Virgil talks constantly about how he’s lazy and doesn’t like to work hard.
💙Patton and gluttony:
All right Patton time! So, out of all the sins, Patton clearly represents gluttony. One of the only sides to mention food (except for obviously logan and Crofters) is Patton. Whether is pizza or cookies, Patton clearly loves food. He encourages Thomas to eat whatever he wants because he believes that Thomas deserves it. That’s ones obvious with the whole “second cookie” line and also the “when your an adult, you can eat whatever you want!” line.
Even Patton’s gift for Roman in the christmas episode is food! A container of spaghetti. Not to mention that pattons christmas scarf also has milk and cookies and it. Basically patton is just surrounded by food imagery and its hard to see him having any other sin.
🖤Logan and Pride:
Logan is another side where his sin is leading him up to his arc. While a lot of people assume that Roman is pride, I think it makes much more sense as Logan and here’s why. Having pride in your work and the things that you create is almost never a bad thing. You should be proud of those things. But being too proud of yourself and your capabilities can get a bit dangerous. Logan has shown time and time again that he believes he’s the smartest and most important of Thomas’ sides. Saying things like “I’m the most important side here” or “I know I’m smarter than everyone else” or “I can usually solve problems on my own”. All of these show that Logan had a huge ego and a whole lot of pride.
Not only this, but Thomas recently built up this pride by complimenting Logan at the end of DWIT. Something that logan immediately let get to his head in the Asides episode. We all remember “Just your cool teacher being his cool self”. Logan’s whole character is built apon maintaining his pride and his image. He refuses to admit that he has feeling or show any weakness and he is too prideful in himself. This is where Logan’s arc is eventually going to take him.
🧡Orange and Wrath:
So that of course leaves us with one sin, wrath. I think that a lot of fans have speculated that wrath would be the next side, but with this theory, wrath would simply be one part of the sides personality. In each of the other sides, their sin is a small part of a whole. So with this logic, the next side would not be entirely wrathful, but would sometimes exhibit wrathful behavior or desires. Me and my sister, unfortunately couldn’t come up with one set-in-stone name for this character, but we were able to determine a lot of his charcteristics based on the context of the show.
Each dark side has been hinted at or forshadowed before he was revealed. For Deceit, thomas says something along the lines of “Lying is wrong, and thats a side of myself I would rather not feed into”. Remus has quite a few forshadowings. At one point, Roman says “and hopefully not thoughts of your naked aunt patty!” Which him and thomas then proceeds to be disturbed by. Remus is also forshadowed when Logan brings up being beheaded on A roller coaster. He’s even forshadowed right before he’s revealed in DWIT when Roman says “fishier than the crackens crack” and Patton reacts a little disgusted.
So we looked for instances where orange could have possibly been forshadowed and we found two moments in particular. The one obvious example is when Logan throws the balled up paper at Romans eye in LNTAO. The way in which the scene is filmed and logans remark “I don’t know where that came from” make this scene out to be very important. Not only this, but logans remark is the exact same one that Roman makes after the aunt patty naked quote. So this would then go to show that the next side contains a lot of frustration and build up anger and rage.
Another example of forshadowing is in the aSides episode. Virgil explains the encounter that Thomas had with his friend. Clearly Thomas was very angry and upset with this friend for his past homophobic views. He lashed out in a way that couldnt be encompassed by any of the sides other than orange. We’ve never seen one of the other sides angry like this before (except for the forshadowing with logan) so it has to be the last side. Thomas even responds to his friends “your behavior is unacceptable” with the snarky remark “oh yeah, like me being with a man is unacceptable?” Which is so out of character for any of the current sides to say. It’s also very curious to note that virgil is extremely anxious about the encounter. Virgil has shown in the past that his reactions to the dark sides are very intense, and I would feel comfortable saying that this is the most intense anxious reaction we’ve seen from virgil as of yet. With all that said, this encounter shows orange’s ability to hold a grudge and resentment or hatred for another person. While this doesnt show him being wrathful, or seeking vengence, it’s fairly easy to see how such hatred and grudginess could lead to him seeking revenge in the future.
Okay, wow! That took a really long time to write out... Please let me know your thoughts in the comments, or if you have anything else to add to the theory! I really appreciate if you made it through that whole thing, because I know I probably rambled quite a bit.
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Lost Faith (Favored Ones, Part 24.)
Series description: Many things were surely fucked up in the year 2038, but no-one ever told anyone how all of it went down. What happened before a group of people left for Seattle to handle personal matters? Why did one girl refuse to leave all of it be? And why there were so many dead in the end?
Quote for the chapter: “Live with me in this sin forever.” - Danny Kiranos
Part summary: Seattle was turning into a living nightmare - but finally, you had an information you wanted so bad in your palms. You got to know where Abby is.
A/N: I am sorry for describing such open violence, it’s going to be really disgusting with the upcoming parts. It is how it is.
Warnings: Gore, blood, murder, infected, guns, shooting, angst, graphic depiction of manslaughter.
Word count: 5.8 K
Tagging:   @nemodoren @xxgoldenhour @missdictatorme​​ @davnwillcome​ @pickleriiick​ @jodiereedus22​ @gladiosamicitias​ @tamkashi​ @eternallyvenus​ @avengerssstuff​ @fangirl-inthe-us​ @avery-miller​ @mikah-writes​ @mad-hatter-98​ @sadiaafrin99​ @flavorishy
Series master list: H E R E
Joel Miller’s playlist for the bonfire occasions: H E R E
Youtube playlists: JACKSON DAYS | SEATTLE DAYS
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Seattle, day two - evening:
It was dark outside for you to see anything. Maybe it was the coverage of the trees making it more difficult to see, but this place was simply too dark. But it came with one fact which made you realize that you maybe aren't that screwed. The Scars couldnt see shit either, so they were carrying torched to light up their surrounding. At least some of them to this degree.
"Who is that?" - Ellie whispered, looking around as well. You gazed back at her quickly to assure yourself that any of those fuckers are in close proximity to your bracken hiding spot. When you couldnt see any brown coat, you managed to speak quietly.
"These are the Scars. The enemies of the WLF. They communicate through whistling, so that's a catch." - You described your enemies quickly while getting up on your knees to see you'll be able to maneuver through the park, slowly getting some hang on the surroundings. - "They shoot arrows on sight, but if we take out of them, I can shoot back hopefully." - This was actually a good plan you came up with. There was no sureness if you'd make it out unnoticed, but taking out some of them could make your way easier.
"Hey, see these two loners next to the huge tree?" - Ellie pointed to a couple standing a few feet away from you. One of them was holding a torch and the other one was inspecting something, which made them an ideal target. Without any hesitation, you nodded and Ellie nodded back you, making sure you caught her drift. You were about to take them out. And so you got to the job, moving around as quietly and quickly as possible, running from one bush of bracken to another, waiting for a bit and repeating the process again. Ellie took out the standing one while you jumped on the back of the kneeling Scar, covering their mouth with your palm as you pushed your knife into the middle of their neck. It didn't even feel unnatural or too stuff by that pint. Your arm just automatically pushed deeper in, making sure that the son of a bitch stays dead when you let them go.
This couple was a bingo for the both of you - Ellie used the revolver rounds and you stole the four arrows you found at one of the bodies. Truth be told, this wasn't much ammunition - but it was better than nothing, that was for sure. Your chances of survival suddenly rose a little. Next, you made your way to another part of the park, killing everyone on sight quietly. Usually, you kneeled further away from them while Ellie hid behind them, waiting for you to shoot the arrow into their neck. After that, she made sure they won't get back on their legs ever again. If you'd had to admit something, it was you and Ellie being an extraordinary team when it came to killing both normal people and the infected. There wouldn't be any point in denying the fact.
It only got harder when you got to face the brutal scenery reminding you of the reality of Seattle. Two scars were dragging a man on the ground. He was pleading for his dearest life, crying out for help. And you'd help him if Ellie's palm didn't hold you down. It would be too dangerous to reveal yourself. If you wouldn't be too careful, this could be your faith as well.
The man was dragged to the third Scar, who was preparing a noose for him as the person watched him getting dragged on the mud, the stones and the branches fallen off the trees. This was making you sick from your stomach. You watched the shaming process until the very end - they hung him up and cut his belly open, watching as the blood and intestines basically fell out of his abdominal cavity. He was still fighting for his life when the group talked about him being freed from some sins or what. And as you and Ellie changed the position, hiding behind a fallen tree, you could see not one... But at least a dozen persons hung up in the same way.
"The TV station..." - Ellie sighed upon the terrifying sighting, trying to find some words to say. - "It was the Scars' doing. They hung the men up and killed Leah before we could get to her." - You finished quietly, looking at all of the people hanging there, being killed in the most humiliating way possible. With their hands tied behind their back, their abdominal cavity opened up and choked to death.
As you kneeled there and watched their work, of which the Scars were seemingly proud of, you felt another wave of rage filling you up. Without realizing what you were doing, you took out an arrow, watching a loner with a torch walking closer to you. It didn't matter in which fuckery did these psychos believed in. They were hunting down all people, putting them up as trophies of sorts, hanging each one of them in a gruesome way. Why should you have mercy when they didn't have any? Did their religion give them some sort of permission to do that to the others? Oh, you highly doubted that.
Some high-pitched sound was filling your eardrums up as your breathing got heavier and heavier. These fucks alone were responsible for Joel's death. No-one else was to be blamed then them. The beating of your heart was like drums inside your brain as you put your elbows high enough to go for her fucking head to shoot the loner down. Before Ellie could stop you from releasing the string, the arrow was on its way. What did happen after that, you didn't know.
Only glimpses of this action remained inside your head. Their begging when you circled your elbow around their neck as you sliced their fucking throats as if they were pigs. Shooting and yelling of commands, loud and warning whistling, begging for life. The blood soaking into the leather coats as the rain started falling through the coverage above. Suddenly, you winked again, waking up from the violent rage. You were standing next to the hanged man, who was still suffocating to his death with more than seven dead Scar bodies around you.
You were covered in blood from head to toes, trembling with your knife in your palm as you tried to remember what just happened. Then you noticed Ellie with her revolver standing in front of you with a blank expression as she was thinking about something, slowly putting the smoking gun down. - "Did I do this?" - One look around told you that you, in fact, cause all of that. All these people were stabbed to death, only some of them were also shot to their legs or arms.
"I couldn't stop you. It was as if... As if there was no-one inside you for a moment." - The girl confessed as you let the knife fall on the ground to follow it, puking into the small puddle of water. Your stomach was contracting for a long time, but nothing other than saliva left your body. You noticed a drop of blood slowly rolling to your nose as you concentrated on your reflection. Your eyes were empty, but it was the only feature you were able to recognize. You felt Ellie's palm tugging you up back on your feet, leading you to another hideout.
"They must've heard what happened here, so we better move it. You weren't exactly discreet or quiet with this matter." - The redhead whispered and started to wipe the blood off of your forehead. How could you know what you're feeling with the utter chaos roaming every small part of your body? You already started to grief for Joel as your brain slowly connected the dots, but it turned out differently than sadness usually does. It was indeed very useful, but not in your current situation. - "You holding up?" - She asked when she saw the spaced-out expression you had.
"Aren't you afraid of me now?" - A whimper left your lips as you felt the urge to cry. At that moment, were you still having the moral high ground when it came to Ellie and Joel? Or were you just like them since that moment? You killed at least eleven people in a spawn of two to three minutes. Like a brute. But Ellie shook her head with an unnatural expression. - "We do what we need to do. We endure and survive." - The girl told you and checked the surroundings once again. No-one was coming in your direction. It looked safe. - "Comic books can teach a hell load of stuff when you read the right ones." - She explained the quote as you made your way through an empty, corroded parking lot full of empty cars. As you found the staircase leading up, Ellie made sure she goes first before any of these bat shit crazy thoughts you clearly had would fuck your head up again. This wasn't what you two needed at the moment.
Well, fuck both of you, there were more Scars in your way once you came out of the building. Which could be a problem once you'd let yourself set loose again. So she made sure you're staying put by kneeling with you beyond one of the obstacles. - "Listen. I need you to shoot them down just like before, okay?" - Ellie asked you and watched your head nodding so she'd be at least partially sure you won't go all crazy again. - "Alrite. Imma go first there and you'll follow me once this area is cleared out, we clear?" - Again, you confirmed, preparing your bow and steadying yourself on your position. The girl was on the move and you just kneeled there, having the first one on your mark - you were ready to fire once you'd get the signal. It came soon enough. Ellie jumped over the huge guys' chest and sliced his throat - but that wasn't enough to bring him down. So, with a shallow breath, you went for his exposed chest, hitting the spot where you thought he'll have the heart. It wasn't sure if you hit or miss in the first few moments, but soon enough, you watched him crumble down like a house of cards.
You walked through this part of the city just like that - you sneaked around in the tall grass, took cover behind cars and walls and you were leading the long-ranged attacks while Ellie was doing the manual job. You didn't even have to be afraid that you'll go out of arrows. Scars had more than enough archers, which played in your favors. Sure, it felt weird to go through cooling bodies of your enemies, but it turned out these fucks had a lot of stuff. A lot of gun ammo, some first aid supplies, arrows, and... - "Wow. Would you look at that." - You mumbled to Ellie once you bowed over to pick a manual weapon. You snorted upon watching the blade of the machete, knowing damn well this girl will be put to use very soon. Quickly, you pinned into the small drink rack on your backpack with straps so it wouldn't fall out that easily, looking at Ellie.
"We should move on. Let's jump off here, to the other concrete island, yeah?" - The girl pointed her finger below you and you chuckled ironically. Well, not that you could choose. You've scavaged the whole place already and there was no other option for you to go. So you sighed and looked at your best friend. - "Please, may the Lord let me survive to see another day." - You said before jumping down. Your muscles jolted in a weird way as you muttered out a curse word. - "Watch out!" - Ellie yelled at you just before a Scar shot a bullet at you. Quickly, you pulled out your gun, trying to shoot him down as well while Ellie landed next to you, taking care of the other two men standing at the island.
When it was silent there again, you laid down on your back while Ellie sat down, catching some breath. - "Fucking Christ. We can't have one peaceful moment in this shit hole, can we?" - You stated, as a matter of fact, having your friend chuckling at it as she shook her head. When you caught at least a bit of energy, you decided to continue trough a make-up store to see where it leads. But mostly you chose this route because of the hospital war right behind it. Ellie went to open up the door just when it got torn from the doorframe.
A huge man in a leather coat came out of the doorframe, holding a massive hammer in his arms as he walked up to Ellie, having an obvious message inside his face. He hadn't noticed you, so you ducked behind one of the covers, taking out the machete from the place you've had it at. You knew it will come in handy - yet you couldn't know it will be so soon.
Ellie was in life-threatening danger - but you couldn't go to a one-on-one fight with this man. Against him, you were a branch on a dead tree. But you could surprise him. All it took was a bit of patience and a lot of hope that Ellie won't get hurt or killed before that moment.
Your guts told you when it was safe to go after the man, jumping on his shoulders and piercing the machete through his chest. This one was way stiffer than going for someone's neck, that was for sure. While you were hanging on the man's back, pushing the machete deeper with your torso, Ellie picked up on her legs and took her revolver out, going after the big guy's companion who was shooting arrows at you.
It was pure chaos, to say the least. The big guy groaned in pain as you felt your chest meet his shoulder blades, meaning that the machete cut through him. Finally, you felt the man collapsing under you while Ellie still had her little shoot out with the other Scar.
When the man was finally laying on his back, you could see the tip of your weapon coming out of his upper belly. But no matter how much the guy was hurt, he didn't seem to be dying just yet. So, without hesitation, you leaned down to rip the sledgehammer out of his grasp, finishing him for good.
The man was fighting back forcefully. He tried to push you down so much that you involuntary decided to fall into the deepest pit of the brutal animality - you stepped in his face with your boot, finally securing the sledgehammer... Smashing it right into his skull without the slightest attempt to stop yourself from making a jam out of the human being's organs.
The crack haunted your ears for another five minutes. You were standing above the dead body, watching everything sort of slowly leaking out of the man's skull. Your stomach was still kicking in, but you didn't feel anything anymore. The view was gross to look at, but... Your consciousness was completely quiet. There wasn't single remorse, no bad thoughts haunting your head, panic attack, or grossing out about yourself.
It scared you - especially when you realized that the only thought making you angry was that your machete was now stuck in the man's body, which made it unusable now. Unless you'd be willing to turn him on his back and pull it out again. Which you didn't want to do that at all. - "Fucking hell. Are you okay?" - Ellie turned her head at you and you, with an empty expression, turned your head at her back. Without a word, you nodded and went to check the other room to see if there's anyone still alive there.
It struck at the very moment. The emptiness inside your chest and head. You figured out why was it there. It finally clicked inside your head. This was what being fueled by rage felt. On the inside, you were eaten alive by hatred because of Joel. Sure, there was this thing about revenge which made you come to Seattle in the first place, but it wasn't the emotion of rage at the time. Yet the longer Joel wasn't there, the longer you processed that the Scars maybe killed him on the unfinished bridge, the more of rage was ramping inside of you. His disappearance made you lashing out on two occasions now - how many of these sudden lashing outs did you have in front of you? None? One? Ten?
This could cost you your life if you wouldn't be careful. And if you'd get that WLF whore into your hands... Oh, boy.
"Ellie?" - A mumble filled the silence as you made your way forward, swimming in deep water because there was no other way to get into the hospital complex. At the moment, you both stopped and just tried to keep your heads above the surface. The girl looked you in the eyes, knitting her eyebrows together. - "Don't let me get to Nora under any circumstances, can you promise me that?" - This demand clearly surprised your best friend. But to a certain degree, she could understand what was that about.
She didn't believe that Joel would get killed by a bunch of bow-shooting, whistling savages. No. He was a man who had to have his own back for twenty years. This very man was capable of murdering a whole patrol consisting of twenty people inside of a Pittsburg hotel, which she saw with her own eyes. This man taught her every small thing about survival inside the enemy's territory - from how to sneak around to making them terrified of her.
Yet the weird, unsettling feeling was tickling her guts. It was more or less a what-if situation which her brain wasn't accepting. No. Joel had to be alive. The man had to be fucking alive. Because she knew that if you'd bump into Joel's body hung just like the man you've seen being executed earlier, she'd fall into a way deeper and way more aggressive state than you were at. So, your demand made sense to her, having her promise you to keep you out of Nora's presence by any means necessary.
You entered the hospital through the lower floor, which was mostly flooded. Both of you went into an immediate quiet mode as soon as you recognized that you've finally entered the enemy's territory. Now, there weren't any bow-shooting savages who sometimes knew how to use a bow. Now, you had to be extra-careful, since you found yourself in a hospital full of trained soldiers. Especially, when one of them was sitting on a box with their back turned at you. - "Stay here. I'll deal with her, try to ask where Nora is." - Ellie instructed you before swimming off. With a quick nod, you caught one of the flooded boilers to take a bit of rest.
Ellie swung behind the person, putting her ejection knife to the girl's throat, tearing headphones out of her ears. - "Don't make a fucking sound." - Ellie muttered with ice-cold calmness, using her knee to make the girl raise both her palms up. - "Hands up." - Ellie said her point out loud, making sure she had control over the situation.
"Easy... Easy." - "You know a girl named Nora?" - Ellie asked instead of lowering her attention too much. - "Sure, yeah." - The girl nodded frantically. The sound of her gulping traveled all the way to you. - "Where is she?" - "In the hospital." - "Where in the hospital?" - You could physically see Ellie rolling her eyes at the dodging answers the headphone girl was giving her. But in the next moment, as the muscles on Ellie's arm flexed and pushed the knife closer to the girl's throat, she finally decided to speak clearly.
"They're c-clearing the upper floors. She's somewhere in there." - With the realization, you saw that Ellie's attention faded away into the background as she thought about something. That was the moment the headphones girl could fight for her life, and so, she was quick to take her own knife out, turning out to face Ellie. Ellie managed to grasp the girl's wrist holding the knife, keeping it away from her body. Without you grasping the situation, Ellie's arm sprung forward, stabbing the girl's throat straight forward, making you stop for a second.
You took a moment to see Ellie's response before you swam after your friend as you both watched the girl suffocating in her own blood. Well, this was starting in a splendid way. - "This didn't go as planned, did it?" - You asked and leaned closer to the girl, watching her face for the first time. And she was offputtingly familiar to your eyes. But honestly, you couldn't determine if she was a part of Baldwin or not in the state you were at.
"Fuck, of course, it didn't go as planned. Holy shit." - Ellie sighed, catching her temples with both her palms, trying to calm herself down. It was your time to intervene - so you stood up in front of her, catching both her shoulders in your palms. - "Calm the fuck down." - You mumbled, having the girl lowering her arms down as she started to stare at you. - "We need to move our asses if we don't want the WLF finding us standing above their stabbed friend. Get your shit together and let's go."
It was funny to see how your roles suddenly changed. Just a day ago, you puked the fuck out of you after you left the TV station, having Ellie and Dina calming you down, telling you that what you did was the right response in the situation you've found yourself in. Now, you were calming Ellie down after her body performing an automatic self-defense reaction. Ellie slowly nodded, gulped, and remained herself to keep her shit together, as you put it.
Both of you were so close to finding Nora. Nora who knew Abby. That Nora who was photographed with the rest of the Jackson-attacking WLF party. The woman who could tell you where Abby could be. So, you set on your way through the whole hospital. - "By the way, did Dina found any more things out? About Owen, Mel, maybe the Hispanic man?" - You asked when you gathered some bullets you've found in a small storeroom next to the spot the headphones girl was sitting at. - "I mean, we can maybe continue when you confront Nora. We don't even have to stop." - You offered, but to your disappointment, Ellie just shook her head.
"Yeah, from what Dina understood when I and Jesse got back," - "Jesse is here? Our black-haired Jesse? Jackson Jesse?" - You shot back almost immediately. The girl slowly straightened up, looking at you. There was no proper time to tell you she found Jesse instead of Tommy when she was in Hillcrest. - "He went after us all the way just the other fucking day after we left Jackson. Listen, I don't know what was he thinking either?" - "Fuck it. Just tell me what Dina found out." - You mumbled angrily, shoving some chocolate bar you've found down your throat.
This situation was bad. And it was seemingly getting worse and worse with each passing hour. If you'd be in Jackson, you'd be shaken just by the thought of killing someone else. Let alone sledgehammering their skull. But there you were, doing all you had to do if you wanted to survive long enough to see another day. But with Jesse joining you in Seattle, there was another unknown added to the equation. Dina was fucking pregnant with this boy. He was another person to feed, to look after, to protect. Sure, he could be helpful in more ways than in which was he a deadweight, but still... Your gut told you that Jesse joining you on your small Seattle quest was something that was about to end fucking bad.
"Dina thinks that Owen had gone AWOL, possibly with Mel, we don't know that yet. She was mentioned in the reports about Owen." - "AWOL?" - You asked back and Ellie thought about other ways to tell you the piece of information. - "He went dark, disappeared, WLF don't know where he is at this moment." - She explained swiftly.
The piece of information made you stop everything you were doing for a small moment as you looked Ellie in the eyes again. Owen had gone dark? Did he disappear? The man who was helping Abby with every moment of fucking you up was nowhere to be found at the moment? Was there a possibility you wouldn't get him the piece of humble pie he deserved? Why was it crumbling all down? Trying to get through it, you nodded, sighing once again.
"Let's go." - Your best friend patted your shoulder, leading you through the first floor of the hospital. Yet just when you were about to leave into a small opened space with a big white tent, her arm pulled you down. - "I kinda forgot to mention they have dogs. Look around, we need some plan to get done with this... Quietly." - Ellie instructed you. The information about the dogs made you worried. What should you do with an animal like this? While you couldn't take care of the dogs, you could see a way of keeping the men under your eye.
"See that nest out there?" - You asked, motioning to the other side of the small yard. - "Get me up there and we can make it work." - So, it was decided. For the first time, you tried to keep the whole operation as quiet as possible, making sure you dispose of the dead WLFs in a way so their friends couldn't see them right away. Soon enough, you were kneeling inside the nest, having a dead sniper laying on the ground behind you. It was your time to shine while Ellie was working manually down there, making her way to the inside.
Your plan was easy - making some noise outside, diverting the attention to the yard for Ellie to have her space inside. Which you could make work because Ellie gave you a pre-prepared Molotov and another empty bottle. So far, your estimations involving proximity worked, so why would you fail now, right? First, you threw the bottle out, waiting for the first ones coming out. There weren't many of them, so had to pick a different approach.
You grabbed the rifle which was laying there, firing to the air to alert the WLFs. Sure. What now? - "Trespasser! In the tent!" - You yelled to lure them exactly where you wanted them to be. And to your surprise, they gathered around the tent, searching through it. At that moment, you felt it's right to throw the bottle. And so you did. All you did was sitting there, listening to what you've caused in horror as it slowly settled down.
The whole tent was now on fire. Because you threw a Molotov at it shamelessly. To divert their attention. Now, you were watching a group of people you've just set on fire along with the tent. First, you let yourself somewhere back there in the bridge-building. Then, you killed a guy in a gruesome way. Now, you set people on fire. But it worked because soon enough, you heard the WLF going after Ellie, who infiltrated the building.
For quite a long time, you just sat there with your back leaned to the nest's wall, looking down on the yard to see if something goes bad. It was hard to say how much time passed by when Ellie crawled out of a different end of the yard. Just one look told you the shit, whatever happened there, went downhill. Usually, you being the clumsy one, you ended up covered in blood since you entered Seattle. But now, Every small piece of Ellie's clothing was ravaged in small splashes of blood. Without much hesitation, you climbed down, dragging Ellie out of the hospital, setting back on your way to the theatre.
Once you didn't feel threatened with the WLFs, infected or the Scars, you sat Ellie down to catch some breath. - "Okay, start talking." - You mumbled to the disoriented girl. Her breath was shallow and somehow, the seemed to be out of the world. Just after you shook her shoulders, her palms gripped your forearms as she partially got back to reality. - "You're freaking me out, Ellie. What happened?" - You mumbled, watching Ellie, sitting opposite of her to keep her mentally with you at least a bit.
"It's about... Nora. She's dead." - The girl breathed out, trying to search for words to say. - "The Scars? Did the Scars kill Nora as well?" - You answered immediately to keep the flow going. Ellie shook her head and looked into your eyes. - "I did... I have... I killed her, Y/N. I did it." - Then you didn't get the issue of the situation. Ellie had murdered tens, maybe hundreds of people before. Why would Nora shake her guts so hard? - "I didn't want to, but she didn't give any other option. I chased her down to an area full of spores... And... Then... It got into me." - Ellie started to ramble, but you didn't say a word. You just listened to what she had on her mind. You've seen Ellie with tears in her eyes rarely, yet there you were, having the girl trembling under your fingers.
"It got so personal. I was standing above her when she started to swing the pipe at me, but she was already suffocating. All I could see was she and her friends hurting you and Tommy in the cabin, realizing Nora probably knows where Abby is now. And I hit her. And then I hit her again. And again." - She explained and shook her head. This was getting into her head as well, which was breaking you apart. Gently, you let the girl slowly slip into your arms as you smoothed her back with quiet hums. - "The Seattle Aquarium." - Ellie whispered suddenly. - "She might be in the aquarium."
While you gathered your mind to realize what did that mean, you didn't spot the shadow lurking behind you. But suddenly, something grabbed both of you.
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m glad ur feelin better!!!! do u have any spare hcs? im in a Mood and i love hcs sm 🐝
thank u bee anon!!! i am wracking my brains let's see
EDIT: this turned into a fairly long HC that focusses a on ro with adhd and autistic vee!
i can imagine the family all watching rilakkuma and kaoru on netflix (if you haven't already PLEASE watch it it's so soft and cute!)
because baby vee is very particular about what he watches, he is so jumpy and sensitive when little that his anxiety can be triggered by the smallest most insignificant details so logan and patton both carefully scour any possible triggers in cartoons and movies before putting them on for him
logan had learned that this particular show was pretty much all clear from triggers for virgil plus it was highly rated as being enjoyable for all age groups so he deemed it one of the few shows that they could probably all watch together
within the first few seconds, virgil was hooked - patton saw on his little face how his eyes blew wide with adoration at the cute bears on screen and he smiled past his paci and bounced on patton lap and reached toward the screen whispering 'cubble cubble' because the characters just looked so huggable
after a slight disappointment in finding out that he couldnt cuddle the bears, patton huddled vee close and the baby squeezed him tight and squeaked with excitement at the bears as the episode went on
roman was slack hawed and absolutely marvelling at the craftsmenship of the show - he actually fell right out of littlespace because he was so enthralled by the creativity behind the stop motion figures that he snapped 'out of character' as it were
he kept talking through the show, though not neary as much as he often did - only occasionally and always to ask logan how they did a certain thing with the models - logan dutifully explained what he knew about the animating process for stop lotion though admitted that he did not know much
they only watched two episodes as a family before vee got sleepy and logan insisted they should do something less screen-based, but that night roman binged the rest of the show in his room, amazed and adoring
and that started romans hyperfixation with stop motion animation and virgil's special interest with rilakkuma!
roman spends hours and hours and hours of the next couple of weeks studying the artform and collecting supplies to try his hand at it - albeit on a much smaller scale of course
and whenever vee draws pictures for the next couple of weeks they are always of the characters and he only cuddles his bear softies for a whole week before he picks up mento again
the caregivers of course indulge their littles' interests, amazed that both of them had clung so much to the show
they watched an episode every night, until they had gotten through all 13 of them - since roman had already watched them all in his adult headspace he had satiated his fascinstion in the artform and was able to enjoy them while little as well, he was very talkative and excitable and would infodump on all of the animation tricks he saw in the behind the scenes videos he watched on youtube
roman's hyperfixation only lasts about three weeks but he did create some cute characters with modelling clay and shot an amateur thirty second film with them that the other sides were very impressed by
but virgil's special interest is far more longlasting - baby vee doesnt stop drawing the characters for several weeks, there is no end in sight - he even gets so excited when he sees anything to do with the characters that he actually starts to breathe a bit too fast and shake and logan has to be careful to keep an eye on virgil's exposure to it as it can really overexcite him and strangely enough trigger his anxiety (projecting woohoo)
it carries over into his adult mindset too! he reads about the origins of the characters in sanrio and becomes equally fascinated and adoring of the other sanrio characters. he's pretty embarrassed about it at first and doesn't let anyone know about his new fascination, he keeps quiet about it and tries not to let the others see that his phone and laptop backgrounds are now of his favourite sanrio characters
but one day a couple months later roman casually brings up the show in conversation at dinner and virgil starts joining in the conversation, his toes are scrunching and unscrunching in his socks and he is rocking slightly from side to side on his chair as he blurts as much information as his tongue can manage about the characters and his favourite things about them and how the show handled the characterisation and what ither characters there are in the sanrio universe and what he thought of them and he doesn't even realise until he is talking through a thoroughly dry mouth and flapping his hand by his hip that he's been talking non stop for who knows how long
and suddenly he shuts up and feels his cheeks burn, noticing now how everyone around the table is looking at him, he grits his teeth, cursing himself for being so cringey and talking so much and why is he so selfish why didnt he let anyone else talk he shouldnt take up so much space
he mumbles sorry and keeps his eyes down from their stares but the others immediately reassure him, they weren't at all upset that he spoke so much, they were maybe a little surprised but really really happy that virge liked the subject so much and wanted to share it with them
he is still humiliated, he says okay thank you but deep down he still doesnt believe that its okay he still thinks its embarrassing and hes such a dork
but over the next few weeks the others invite him to talk about it more, roman sends virgil sanrio memes he finds on tumblr, logan plays the soundtrack to the show when he is trying to calm virgil down, patton buys him a little korilakkuma plush thats the perfect size to fit in his hand and it's even got the little beans in it and everything! it becomes his go to stim toy when he needs to calm down
and YEAH lots of feelings but to summarise: rilakkuma and kaoru is so so cute pls watch it, good for bby vee because soft, good for roman because art, roman has adhd and hyperfixates on the artform for a couple weeks before moving onto another hyperfixation, virgils special interest becomes longterm and though he is reluctant to infodump at first his family assure him its ok and they show him support through little acts and gradually he becomes more confident in it!
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Discord pt 92
[Date: 17/03, 07:42 PM GMT - 17/03, 09:29 PM GMT]
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jayyyyyyyy: “fetch, come on, cant you see this isnt doing anything to help?
just take the damn ointment”
Little-K1ng: “he... what?”
Marcus: “I back read a little bit”
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Marcus: “Just not here”
fetch: “fine. you want me to be honest huh. go on look at the fucking doc. just another place where my problems turned into everyone else's.”
Little-K1ng: fetch.... you really, really need to stop lying to me. im doing my best here, im trying so hard to let things slide in the name of giving you what you need. but you are far from making it easy on me”
fetch: “we're gonna forget all this happened in 3 days time anyway. it doesn't fucking matter what i tell you or what i dont.”
Little-K1ng: “you get angry when you're stressed, you stop responding, you stop listening to reason
but-.. wait, whats going to happen in 3 days?”
Maxwell: “....prince told us that faer family is coming back in 3 days”
fetch: “the beginning of spring.”
Maxwell: “spring officially begins then”
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jayyyyyyyy: “we'll get you guys back, if you somehow go back in the first place”
Little-K1ng: “so.... so i get warning, this time,
thats.... almost too cruel”
fetch: “whatever. i honestly can't be asked to care at this point.”
Marcus: “You’d really say that to Mona of all people?”
Little-K1ng: “i..... i wouldnt ask that of you”
Marcus: “...three days huh”
Little-K1ng: “i would simply fucking EXPECT IT FROM YOU. HOW THE FUCK. AM I MEANT TO FEEL. WHEN I CANT STOP GRIEVING SOMEONE. WHOS RIGHT IN FUCKING FRONT OF ME, FETCH?”
donti (e): “... mona u alright...?”
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Marcus: “Is that really a question you’re asking right now?”
donti (e): “ah.. sorry.”
jayyyyyyyy: “honestly at this point im willing to chuck a bucket of weedkiller at fetch's head”
Marcus: “Jeight.”
donti (e): “hey hey lets not get hastyy”
Little-K1ng: “i... [huff] i .... [sniff] i just.. i shouldnt have yelled i....”
Marcus: “This isn’t helping”
fetch: “i... you're expecting too much from me. i mean. you expect me to care at this point? when death is coming to our door and all we can do is throw on a little sprinkler? when all we can do is sit in a huddle and wait until these vines in our skulls fully bloom?”
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donti (e): “... we discussed possible solutions to the buds if you.. want to change subject.. or not”
jayyyyyyyy: “fetch, the thing about this is that we have a fighting chance
we lose that chance if you stop fighting”
Little-K1ng: “im expecting you to fucking try, fetch. im expecting you to understand that we're all going through this, and every time you lie to me, to us, you cost us more time we could have spent trying to fix it”
fetch: “how would it help, by piling on more and more to the shitheap we have already? you're not supposed to worry about me. ive always been able to handle myself.”
Maxwell: “please ⌇⏁⍜⌿arguing....why are we arguing.....”
Marcus: “..”
Void: “...”
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Little-K1ng: “wh... what did you just...?”
Maxwell: “....what....”
fetch: “...”
Maxwell: “why are...”
Marcus: “Max..”
Maxwell: “why are you staring at me what”
Marcus: “Can you say what you just said again”
Little-K1ng: “that sounded like...”
donti (e): “max...”
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Little-K1ng: “say that again, max”
Marcus: “Please”
jayyyyyyyy: “actually maybe dont”
Marcus: “Max say it again”
jayyyyyyyy: “that. i think fighting is causing the process to speed up”
Maxwell: “please stop arguing....why are we arguing.....?”
Little-K1ng: “i... thats not what i heard”
donti (e): “... lets stop arguing”
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Marcus: “That’s..that’s what I thought you said
You just
Didn’t say it like that”
Maxwell: “but i did”
fetch: “...yall still think I need to be priority right now?”
Maxwell: “thats what i said”
jayyyyyyyy: “you, uh, said "stop" in enderspeak”
Maxwell: “what no i didnt”
Marcus: “Fetch. This is going to be you so kindly shut the fuck up about not being a priority”
Little-K1ng: “fetch, you fail to recognize that you're always my priority, even if you're kind of an ass”
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Marcus: “Max it’s okay
I told you it would be okay”
Little-K1ng: “max, hug?”
Maxwell: “why....why are you all acting so weird?”
Little-K1ng: “its alright, max”
jayyyyyyyy: “we're all just stressed mate”
Maxwell: “are yall okay?”
donti (e): “weere fine its fine..”
Maxwell: “its?
look im not a child you can tell me whats going on”
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Marcus: “We told you”
fetch: “you spoke in ender.”
Marcus: “You denied it”
donti (e): “you spoke ender.”
Maxwell: “you....youre kidding right?”
jayyyyyyyy: “nope”
Maxwell: “ha funny joke”
jayyyyyyyy: “we're not joking”
fetch: “for once im not lying.”
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Marcus: “You told us to tell you.
We told you.”
Little-K1ng: “here, come in for a hug, wont you?”
Maxwell: “no no no no no”
Little-K1ng: “ive got you, max”
Maxwell: “i couldnt have no”
jayyyyyyyy: “hold on, hes panicking”
Little-K1ng: “its the stress, max
its alright, im here”
jayyyyyyyy: “mona, give him a little space”
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Maxwell: “no no no stay please”
jayyyyyyyy: “i never said for anyone to leave
are you okay with being given hugs, or would you rather not?”
Maxwell: “im okay with it”
LLyr: “they’ve kind of established max likes the contact at this point i think”
jayyyyyyyy: “yeah, but you can never be too careful”
LLyr: “fair enough”
Little-K1ng: “i appreciate the concern for max, jayx8″
fetch: “I. i would offer a hug but I'm not feeling up to it. i think I'm just gonna go for a walk.”
jayyyyyyyy: “its
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Little-K1ng: “fetch...”
jayyyyyyyy: “​hm”
Maxwell: “i dont wanna go back no no please no”
Little-K1ng: “i would rather you not go out where the court roams
you got in one good bite, let it be enough”
fetch: “i'll stick nearby.
i just need to get out of the house.”
Little-K1ng: “stay where you can see the road, alright? text me if you need a pickup”
jayyyyyyyy: “stay near the neighborhood. go to the mineshaft if you need to”
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fetch: “yeah. got it. later.”
Maxwell: “I'm scared”
donti (e): “...”
Little-K1ng: “oh, max...”
Maxwell: “oh no oh god oh merde”
donti (e): “sh shsshshh max its fine.
calm down its alright.”
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Little-K1ng: “tell you what, we can destress with some hot cocoa? with the tiny colorful marshmallows you like?”
Marcus: “I can go make it
I don’t think max wants to be alone right now”
jayyyyyyyy: “maybe watch some movies? ones that uh, dont have kidnapping in them, too. moana would be good?”
Little-K1ng: “i dont actually.. own any movies
i dont watch them”
donti (e): “youtube videos ?”
Little-K1ng: “that works”
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[They watch a video of an otter for a while, and discuss the events from earlier this day. Max thinks that the wreathe mayn’t be as bad as everyone thinks it’ll be, as it will have calendula marigolds which are good for helping to heal.]
Little-K1ng: “....ah.. they are, but maybe..... nah, nevermind.... ill let you enjoy the thought”
Maxwell: “they may be fully metal but still...maybe then can help the family....”
Marcus: “...”
Little-K1ng: “.........”
Maxwell: “what?”
Marcus: “..yeah max, that’s a nice thought”
Maxwell: “i thought so too!”
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Little-K1ng: “i cant believe.... im staring down the barrel of either losing all 3 of you... or going with you and not remembering any of this... that hurts, and it hasnt even happened yet”
Marcus: “Well
I don’t know if this will comfort you or not
But you might not entirely forget this”
Little-K1ng: “true! this is honestly the happiest thing to happen to me in an incredibly long time, there is a chance itll stick”
Marcus: “Baron and Prince remember their childhoods a little bit”
Maxwell: “stick...sticky...ha honey is sticky but not good
tastes yucky”
Marcus: “...I remembered Elizabeth and I learning codes
....max?”
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Maxwell: “hm?
something wrong?”
Marcus: “What was that about honey just now?”
Maxwell: “oh!
well mona said stick
and stick is one letter off from sticky!
and hony is really sticky
but i dont like honey”
Marcus: “...got it
Maxwell: “bleh”
Marcus: “Okay yeah that
That makes sense”
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Maxwell: “yeah!”
Little-K1ng: “i wish i hadnt snapped at fetch like that... maybe when he comes back i can give him a proper apology”
Maxwell: “hm perhaps that would be good
family should get along”
[this message was deleted shortly afterwards]
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Marcus: “....”
Little-K1ng: “i...?”
Maxwell: “what?”
Marcus: “M..ax?”
Little-K1ng: “max?”
Maxwell: “god damn it did i speak fucking ender again or some shit???”
Marcus: “N..no”
Little-K1ng: “n..no.....”
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Maxwell: “the fuck happened then? yall look freaked out”
Marcus: “Um”
Little-K1ng: “nevermind! :)!!”
Maxwell: “hm.....if youre sure...”
Marcus: “I must be tired, it’s fine Max! :)”
Maxwell: “youve been sleeping a lot man you sure?”
Marcus: “Yeah, gotta be tired to sleep a lot right”
Maxwell: “I guess”
Little-K1ng: “are you guys...... hungry?”
[The conversation switches to the topic of making brownies and other baked goods. There was also small talk about methods of removing the growing wreathe buds that had been suggested earlier in the day. Mona suggests cutting one of the buds off, if Max could handle it. Jack and Marcus argue over their priorities: their concern for Max and their family respectively. After snipping off a small part of the buds, the following conversation ensures:]
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Marcus: “...he’s not bleeding”
donti (e): “can you guys take a look at what mona cut off?”
emuhlee: “well, that part is good?”
Maxwell: “theres some time of fucking liquid ow”
Marcus: “It looks like that...cellulose that comes out of dandelions”
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Little-K1ng: “Hhhhhhhhh”
Marcus: “Mona?
donti (e): “is max alright??”
Marcus: “Uh..in pain?”
dreaming: “uh get a towel?”
Marcus: “It’s not a lot”
Maxwell: “that really hurt jesus fucking christ”
Marcus: “Have you never picked a dandelion?
It’s like that”
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Little-K1ng: “That's kinda. Gross”
Jack the Observer: “it's not blood though, right?”
Maxwell: “my headache is much worse....”
Little-K1ng: “No not blood”
Marcus: “It’s..
Huh”
donti (e): “blood substitute?”
Marcus: “It stopped”
Jack the Observer: “huh.”
Marcus: “......”
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donti (e): “hey what happened to the bud”
Marcus: “Mona
Mona look”
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Marcus: “Mona there’s two more”
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Maxwell: “God damn it is this fucking Hercules or some shit”
Jack the Observer: “pft”
donti (e): “well.
we can at least look at the bud that was cut off.”
Marcus: “It’s just sitting there”
[The conclusion from this experiment was that the buds have nerve endings, which is why it hurt Maxwell and worsened his headache when it was cut, even after being numbed with ice prior to cutting. People ask about Fetch’s whereabouts. This was his last known update to the document:]
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[With this information, people begin to speculate that Fetch might not be back for a while…]
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dead-ghouls · 5 years
Note
Theres no way that i could ask for a break down of what you see in his ftes in ask format is is there?? I already love korekiyo, but I'm really curious about what you have to say.
I can do that! The only thing is that most of what he says I’ll be quoting from memory, but direct quotes can be found in his FTEs and in-game dialogue on wiki. I’ll do my best to provide as many screenshots as I can, but I doubt I will be able to find all, it’s a very long process and I dont have the whole day.V3 spoilers below, ofc. Also TW various types of abuse, you know the drill if you played the game. Long post!Let’s start from what we know about Korekiyo. What makes him Korekiyo, what makes him stand out, what’s special about him. 
- Unique outfit- Long hair- His deep knowledge of anthropology- His interest in occult/speaking to the dead- His deep relationship with death, grief and how he looks at it- His love for ropes- Being a serial killer
Now let’s break down every trait he has and where it comes from.
Unique outfit
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FTE 3, he tells us his sister made it for him to suit her tastes, claiming his school uniform doesnt suit him.
Long hairI don’t remember if it was mentioned in-game, but it was mentioned in V3 manga anthology, that his long hair is a memento to his sister, since she had long hair, so he refuses to cut it. It is stated that events of manga obviously not canon, but I dont think this claim was outside of his canon characterisation. 
His deep knowledge of anthropology
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In the same FTE he mentions that Sister was the one who “pushed him to research as much as he could”
His interest in occult/speaking to the dead + his relationship with death and griefI dont think i gotta find proof for that, he mentioned travelling looking to speak to the dead, the whole ch 3 with Caged Child + he mentioned having near-death experience after a seanse (see next bullet point), and that’s how his Sister came to him.He speaks about human mortality and coming to terms with it, but he himself cant do that. 
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He doesnt fear death, maybe he even seeks it - to reunite with his Sister [cut to him enduring his execution and seeing his spirit happy and free, ready to meet her] but no way he could properly cope with human mortality and his own grief. That’s where all the occult stuff comes in - him telling how he tried so many things and how nothing worked (?). He says it during ch3 investigation, if you wanna look for a direct quote. Him being into occult, speaking with the dead, being possessed by his Sister - all of it is just his ways of coping with loss. He was very dependant on her (I’ll talk about it more below) and couldnt stand being alone.
His love for ropesOf course it can be a kinky thing but also look closely at this exchange:
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This incident with ropes is what actually ended up “reuniting” him with his Sister. Of course he’d hold a special interest to this kind of activity after. 
Being a serial killerWell this one is obvious. Who did he kill? Girls. Why did he do it? To bring friends to his Sister. Simple as that.
Now look back at every bullet point and tell me: do you see a pattern? Yep, every aspect of his life, likes, personality, experiences, even his looks - it all traces back to his Sister. Controlling what he wears, what he does, what he likes; even after her death he is deeply affected and is devoted to doing everything in her name. Now try to recall one single thing about Korekiyo that wasn’t his Sister influence. Something he likes maybe? Something he enjoys on his own free time? Even his official dislike is a reference to a gift you might give in-game, an air refreshener that exorcises ghosts [He believes that he is possesed]. All I can think of is him telling he prefers green tea over black in one of FTEs. Korekiyo that we see and interact with in game isn’t his own person, just a reflection of grief, his Sister wants and needs. His whole existence is just a devotion to his late Sister, and it was the same way when she was alive.
Sister’s personality
From what I mentioned you should already hear the faint bells ringing in your head. “Pushed me to study” “Told me my uniform doesnt suit me” “I will kill people because her spirit told me to”He respected her, depended on her a lot. No shit, Sherlock - he was his Older Sibling. A side note, he never mentioned anyone else from his family, only said that they “had to hide their relationship from others” once. Sadly, I cant remember where it was said. No matter if he had any family present or not (having no family would worsen the case, but with family present its still fucked up) he still depended on her a lot, maybe considered her a parental figure, or at the very least - a role model. Korekiyo’s analysis on youtube brings up a very valid point - anthropology couldve been her passion as well, she just couldnt actually fullfill it because of the sickness. Explains her “pushing” him to research it.Basically we have an older sibling holding power over a younger sibling, presumably, from a younger age. More of her personality and influence can be seen in his trial. “You mustnt lose composure, you mustnt become flustered, you mustnt waver”Im linking this bit, but I strongly recommend rewatching the full version where his Sister appears. She appears to be his guardian, keeping him in check, making him act right. Telling him what to do and how to act. She appears in moments of distress when he needs comfort. He depends on her, he listens, he does everything she tells him to. Im not gonna get into the whole tulpa thing, so if youre not on board with it, I recommend reading into it more, even wiki has a brief explanation. Basically this possession is just his mind, but it does hold her true personality. So Sister is: assertive, calm, plays a role of guardian, has power over Korekiyo due her age, his respect and dependance on her, probably her being his parental figure. 
Now tell me, how this power dynamic could be healthy, consensual and (a very popular opinion in the fandom) this relationship was started from Korekiyo’s advances? How a younger sibling, that was so dependant and devoted could be in a consensual relationship with his older sibling that always tells him what to do?Korekiyo was groomed, he’s a victim. Most people in fandom hate him for being creepy and a sister-banging freak, because he doesn’t fit your cookie-cutter perseption of abuse victims. Everyone thinks that abuse victims only come in “i hate my abuser, i am currently away from them and i am healing” package. Korekiyo was never given a chance to realize it was wrong, he never got a chance to heal. He was groomed, abused, used and forced into relationship. Told that it was secret and sacred, that theyre breaking the boundaries, that’s why he mustnt tell anyone about it. Of course he believed her - its his Sister. She convinced him that his love and dependance on her was romantic/sexual love.
The same analysis brings up a good point of his Sister guilt tripping him because of her illness. Never getting a chance for romantic love, never getting a chance to make friends.
What breaks my heart is that after all of this, after devoting his life to his Sister, studying what she wanted, wearing what she wanted, killing for her sake and even being executed because of her - he says that he wasn’t enough.
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TLDR - Their power dynamic is very obvious from his FTEs and the trial, he was clearly groomed and abused, never got to recover from her manipulations. And fandom either fetishisizes their relationship, excusing their nasty kinks by saying it was consensual, or hates him because they never took the time to analyze the content. He was abused, he was manipulated, god knows what else was done to him when she was alive, and he died driven to insanity, full of grief devoted to his Sister and blaming himself for not being enough. As a side-note: it is completely okay being uncomfortable with his character/everything that happened in ch3. You dont owe anyone interacting with the piece of media depicting such topics. Your comfort and safety comes first. Kodaka is a shitty fucking writer. What is not okay is hating a character for being a victim. 
I probably missed a lot, my brain is very disorganized, so feel free to ask more questions/add your own opinion. 
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revol-lover · 4 years
Text
dreams don’t end at “30″
so i just had a little breakthrough and maybe this wont sound like anything to anyone else but i just have to share it
so i’ve talked about this before. about how my friend and i were both planning these personal development like goals for this year that covid got in the way of. and he said something, about how this is his last year in his 20s and he wanted to get some goals accomplished before 30 
and i thought about that and realized something.
i have been feeling similarly about a few goals that i’ve been hanging onto for years and years. like i’m going to be honest with you, some people might remember this if you’ve been around here for a long time but probably not. anyway when i was in high school i really wanted to make music, sing, learn an instrument. and i did make some covers that i posted on myspace (showing my age here lol) and youtube but then i kind of gave up on it when
 1) became 18 and realized my dream to go to NYC and pursue music when i was 18 wasn’t happening because of a million reasons (it was very much a pipe dream, right? i mean you can’t have that dream and not prepare for it and i didnt. also i was too scared at the time to even move out to my own place if i had the funds to do so because my parents wouldnt have really approved and i was still so under their thumb) 
2) broke up with my musician boyfriend. which needed to happen. but he was the only person super passionate about that kind of goal at the time around me (till he ran lol)  and he actually is still doing music now so good for him but basically 
because of those 2 reasons i just let go of that dream all together as something i thought i wanted to do but was “unrealistic”.
but the thing about turning 30 and feelings like you needed to achieve all these personal/dreamy/goals in your 20s. what is that bullshit? why? 
what changes when you cross over to 30? i’ll tell you one thing. media pushes movies, books, films, everything about people chasing their dreams in their 20s and “settling” down in their 30s. where’s my inspiring movie about the 32 year old mom who finally wrote a song and performed it live after being terrified her whole life of doing so?
 think about it though
in your 30s you. *might* have a better paying job than you did in your 20s. which means, if you can manage to find time or a way for it, you *might* be able to save a little more money or afford to do something like, buy that guitar and guitar lessons in order to learn to play and write a song and live out your dream in some way, even if its just learning to play so you can play at an open mic. and maybe you’ll like that and you’ll somehow connect with likeminded people and form a band. idk. your dreams dont have to end in your 20s. 
you dont have to fall into the trap of your 20s are for your dreams that are so big you feel like the chance of achieving them is getting struck by lightening
and then your 30s are for fancy adult goals like buying a house, and going on a $10k vacation and those things are probably just as hard as the goals you had in your 20s but the world wont make you see it that way. its seen as “selfish” to prioritize and budget for your artistic goals - but not a house. no that’s responsible and what you “should” do. but its ok to prioritize something that’s going to give your soul fulfillment too! we need to believe that! because it’s true. we are not here just to work our jobs and live mundane colorless lives once we aren’t considered “young” anymore (but 30s are still young. not what i’m saying)
 you’re always going to be chasing something big and if you let the world control what that thing is you’re always going to be on some rat race. 
it’s fine if you achieve your goals in a different order than the world says you were supposed to. i got married young and had a child young, that was how my life played out and i’m happy with that because, yes, finding love and becoming a mother very much were goals of mine.
yes i dropped out of college because i couldn’t afford it and i couldnt find a major that felt worth being in debt for. and also, because hey guess what? contrary to what a lot of people will try to lead you to believe, college is not for everyone. and college does not = success. college drop out does not = failure. it’s just an option of something you could do with your life. AND if you didn’t go to your college in your 20s it doesnt mean you can’t in your 30s. or 50s. hell my husband, who did go to college saw elderly (think, 80s!) people going to his college as students! college isn’t just for 18 year olds fresh out of high school. 
My 27th birthday is in 2 weeks and no, i have not yet to worked up the courage to write an original song from words to music, or have the courage to get on a stage and sing anything, or talk to a stranger, or publish any of my writing or art, goals i’ve had whirling around in my brain since I was 18, but, it’s going to happen. maybe this year. maybe when i’m 35, but it’s going to happen. a number is not going to be the thing holding me back.
that whole mentality of “my youth is slipping away i need to achieve all these dreams before midnight the day of my 30th birthday” is so stupid and flawed and we all deserve to see ourselves, and our individual potential as more than that. 
last part of this rant - one of the reason i even became so passionate about reignighting some of my dusty, old goals, that it turned out, i still cared about, is because i had a moment where i was like
ok i am a mom. i am someones mom. how will my daughter see me, as a person, not just her mom? 
kevin and i always talk about how between the two of us we’ve both had a lot of quintessential young adult experiences that we look forward to sharing with her. like, quitting jobs, getting in car accidents, that one time i unknowingly participated in an illegal bonfire and ran from the cops then lied straight to their faces and somehow got away with it (literally my ONE act of teen rebellion), changing college majors like 3 years in (kevin), failed classes, tried cigarettes, etc like i’m ready, and hope that one day she will feel comfortable talking to us about things because we’ve been through things and have a lot of input and two different perspectives to offer
but further than that, i realized that i want her to know that her mom is a person too. i want her to know that mom is also passionate about writing, and music, and somehow tackled some of her goals in regards to that so that SHE can feel that SHE, too can do those things. and i know that, that is in part how it works 
because,
my dad IS an artist. my dad IS a musician. yall. my dad is SO talented.  my dad is brilliant. besides his artistic abilities which include, drawing literal realistic as fuck portraits, sculpting, painting, playing guitar, bass, piano, mandolin, he also knows music composition, etc etc etc beyond all of that, he also taught himself fucking PLUMBING and ELECTRICIAN SHIT to fix things in our house growing up. like he bought a book. and taught himself. my dad. i grew up thinking that was normal but i realized not everyones dad can just tear down the bathroom and rebuild it from scratch down to the plumbing without being a licensed professional.
but anyway the point is - as talented as my dad is, he doesnt really pursue his artistic dreams much. and its sad. i’m glad that i’ve seen some of the work he did when he was younger. i’m glad that if i bring it up, he’ll show me something he can do. but he doesnt pursue it anymore really. my dad works an exhausting physical labor job but even he, as a 50something year old has fallen into that trap of like, i dont have time to draw, but he will scroll his phone and read articles for hours and i’m not shaming him. i’m just saying we all have this problem in the modern era of technology and social media and what not (hell i am writing a post on tumblr instead of my book right now).
but if timing was different and my dad grew up in a different time, where lets say something distracted him from doing the little bit of art and music that he did when i was a kid that i was able to witness, if i hadnt seen that. i wouldnt know that.. in a way.. that’s in me. i mean, he’s my dad. if my dad could pick up a craft and work at it to be good at it, why can’t i? there are so many musicians and (kind unrelated but not rly - i think being “self made” is an art) business owners in my family. there’s either some common thread in our genetics ORRRRRRRRRR just growing up around people working at and succeeding at those kinds of goals shows you that it CAN be done so you’re more likely to believe in your abilities
and i want that for my daughter. because even as an almost 3 year old i can see that she has a gift for music, and reading. and even if i’m wrong about that and she grows up wanting to do some other thing as a job or hobby, i want her to know, by seeing her mom do it, that she can achieve anything she puts her heart to. you don’t have to box yourself in because of your age or your sex or the fact that you’re a parent. 
and your dream doesnt have to become your career. it can be a hobby and still be fulfilling. like yes, 18 year old me dreamed about some life in nyc singing in clubs or bars or whatever and being ~famous (lol) and that did not happen, but i can still get out there and play open mic downtown and get that love of music, and desire to face my fear of performing out of my system. maybe i’ll love it. maybe i’ll hate it. but i’ll have done it. and that’s the ultimate goal. 
sorry i went off but i had to get that out of my system and i’m very passionate about 
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skippyv20 · 4 years
Text
Im so sorry to hear about your shoulder pain.  I went to a guy who was selling Inversion Tables.  I thought nah this wont work.  I couldnt even get my arm up to brush my hair.  I had broken my arm trying to move furniture.. I live alone.  I trapped it inbetween a heavy bookcase and a doorway.  I also ripped the muscles and ligaments and caused massive damage.  Nothing worked to fix it.  I went on this table and after 10 mins stretching my arm up as far as it could go while almost upside down… still havent been upside down yet lol  I then got off and stretched my arm up above my head.  I was so shocked and so was the guy.  Slowly its improved.  I also have massive back pain and click in and out of alignment constantly… when I go upside down… eg on an angle… the discs open and fluid goes back into the discs… the best pain relief ever!!!  As you rock back n forth slowly the discs open and fluid is sucked in again.  I never knew that.  Im also a believer that the extra blood flow into your brain while you are inverted is really good for you…I read about that lady who was in Disney as a child, Annette something?  and she had MS.. they found that if they massaged the vein behind her ears that the blood flowed to her brain again as apparently those veins can get blocked.. so now I also massage my veins daily.  I was told I had MS awhile ago… I also have fibro, RA, spondylitis and my spine is crumbling.  Its very painful but I hate to talk about it.  I cant sit up for long as its so painful.. hence why I took up crochet as I can do it reclining, and starting my youtube channel gives me something to do and helps me ‘meet’ likeminded people.   I need support from pillows or cushions for my whole spine from my head down to my bum.  Most people think Im lazy.  Anyway this may help some people xx  Puppy Anon  (never judge someone from what they look like.. their smile may be hiding massive pain, heartache, suicidal thoughts, loneliness, financial stress or abuse in some form from someone else)  xx
Link for an Inversion Table exercise.. its doesnt need to be fast or rough to work…..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpO8o_d-k54&t=2s
Oh my!  You have many trials…..my shoulder is nothing…if I stick with the two exercises only…I will be good to go.  Thank you for sharing your story with us, very helpful to others.  You are so right....never judge others....that’s why even one smile...can change a person’s whole day....a great reminder....you are not lazy!  Again, people who judge.....know nothing.....Prayers for you my friend!🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ 
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bipolarandocd · 4 years
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Here I have wrote an insight on my own experience with obsessions and OCD
I once was told by my therapist that you can be addicted to anything such as drugs,alcohol,ciggerettes and believe it or not sex!
In the past years i have had many different obsessions/addictions that i didnt know how to control and i didnt realise i was addicted to certain things including becomming obsessed with one hobby then losing intrested after a certain time and then another different hobby comes along and i obsess about that.
When i have this main addiction at the time, i can not stop thinking of the subject. for example i suddenly had high intrest in baking cupcakes! i hate cooking and i never thought id become intrested in baking cakes at all. I researched from how to bake to what ingrediants i needed and apliances to be able to bake. everytime i was googling and researching and watching youtube videos on baking cakes i was feeling a high energetic feeling, like i was buzzing and i couldnt stop thinking of what i want to do with this hobby. i was up till late at night losing sleep constantly obsessing over baking cakes. Pay day come and that was it, all my money went on what i needed to buy to bake, and i started to bake for couple weeks and spending money on this intrest without thinking of the consequenses of having to pay bills ect.
I was feeling good i had adrenaline and was happy but the same time if i didnt act on this urge to spend on this hobby and act on it id feel aggitated and restless! i had no control how to stop the urge! i was ADDICTED.
After a little while maybe a month later I lost all intrest in baking! id wasted time and much money on something i no longer had intrest in. the high feeling the buzz and adrenaline had gone.
Another day comes and again another addiction/obsession comes along!
this time its art and crafts, im definatly not creative and never had intrest before but once again this pattern like the baking comes along and the high feeling buzzing and adrenaline is back for the arts and crafts, money wasted and time because again after a while the intrest goes.
Iv had many obsessions such as joing the gym, learning to play piano and then guitar. wanting to become a councillor/mentor even studyed at home and passed the course for councilling yet again after time i didnt want to become this!
Items iv also obsessed about and had strong intense urges to buy whatever it was i had to buy to keep the feeling i had inside to make me feel good. its like a drug, something i obsess about was keeping me high and excited and i had to act on this to keep the good feeling.
I was even once addicted to dating sites! i was getting adrenaline from joining up and making profiles to searching people and messaging. i couldnt come off the applications and i could not stop the urge to search the profiles and messages, this took over alot of my time and i didnt understand why this was happening and why i was feeling a good adrenaline over dating applications. This addiction took a long time for me to stop and realise it was the longest obsession i had. i still dont understand how this become an addiction.
I now somehow understand how people who are gambelers feel and have no control how to fight the urge to not step foot in the bookies.
When you dont act on the compulsion towards the obsession then your going to feel awful, aggitated, restless, angry and feel your going to lose your mind. its all you think about, theres nothing else you want to do and its impossible to concerntrate on anything else other than wanting to go into the bookies and gamble! its not just the feeling you believe you will win, its the feelings of adrenaline and intense high feelings of happy and excitement from walking thru that door to placing the bet and waiting for the outcome, but when you lose of course you are down, you lose money and are overwhelmed with guilt! the same feelings i get when i dont act on something i obsess over or addicted to.
Paranoia become a problem for me and its an uncontrollable and disturbing thought I have that is intrusive and I know I wont act on this thought but the feeling I get is intense and impossible to stop the thought and I start to avoid doing things to stop being scared. Standing at the train station waiting for my train to arrive and I see ahead its arriving and my mind instantly pictures myself jumping in front of this train and I'm confused and petrified of this thought and scared but also distressed because I know I wont act on this and I'm scared to look at the train coming towards me so I look away until its stopped! have a fear of sleeping because if I do I believe someone will come into my home to come upstairs to my bedroom and attack me, the longer my eyes are closed my mind visions someone getting closer and closer to me, once I open my eyes this vision is gone and I'm safe.
I have a son aged 14 also with ocd and paranoia and his feeling controlled by his thoughts to do actions he never did before. At at young age around 4years old he would ask for help to put his shoes on and I'd attend and grab the right shoe to put on for him and in a sudden moment he would scream, beg and beg for me to put the left shoe on first, I never understood why. I'd ask why and what's wrong and ask him to calm down because he was extremely aggitated and stressed but, once I changed the right shoe for the left his response stopped and was calm and I could see the change how relaxed he was. This went on for months and I thought 1st he was just trying to control me and want to get attention when in fact he didnt have control of himself for this and it was a behaviour from his OCD that took me a while to realise!. After maybe one year this shoe problem having to be the left put on first stopped but, then come another pattern and thought in his mind that again took over not just him but took me in too.
Night time was bedtime story, we sit together in my sons bed and I'd open the first page and start to read aloud to him. A few pages in I'd start to read the page for my son to suddenly become very aggressive and tell me to read that sentence again because it's wrong, I re read the sentence in the same tone I did before. Again with aggression and crying he beg me to repeat and said it's wrong how I said it. After having this problem many times eventually i said the sentence in a way that calmed him down and made him relax and i could continue the book. It wasnt until after researching and seeing his doctors this was all OCD behaviour in which if I didnt say the sentence in a certain tone then he would feel uncomfortable and have to force me to re read it for him to feel safe!. Never did I think this would be an OCD problem but it was. Night time bedtime stories was very difficult for us.
After sometime this OCD pattern with my son vanished but, another appeared. Once I tuck my son to bed and kiss him good night I would walk away but then he would suddenly shout to me to touch the top of his duvet! Now bare in mind on this time I thought OCD was about cleaning hands or things in order so when I'm having all these orders from a 4 or 5 year old this is looking like he wants control over me and to do what he wants and if I dont do it he will go crazy!
To keep him from being angry and crying fter refusing to do what I'm ordered to, I'd do what he wanted so I'd turn back towards him in bed and i would do what he ordered to tap the top of his duvet. Would you believe just by doing this demand he stopped suddenly crying and being angry to being able to lay down and relax.
Can you see here theres a pattern of not just my son being distressed but I am too because I didnt know what this was about and I'm told by others his trying to control me but as a mum I had something telling me it's something more but what?!
Il never forget the time my son would arrive in the evenings from being with his dad the weekend friday to sunday. Around 7pm sunday evenings every week my son would arrive back home in his dads car straight to the front door.
I'd hear the car arrive and I'd open my house front door before my son got out the car. Well this started to become a problem for my son because he wanted to knock on the door before I opened it! Why? I asked him and my son couldn't explain the reason but again become angry, hitting me, shouting, crying and begging me to shut the front door and let him knock. In this time I refuse to feel controlled and said "no". But there was no calming my child at all. He was going red in the face, shaking, and very very aggitated. What else can I do but to now let him take control and I now close the door and let him knock first and I open the door after? Can you see the controll this OCD had not just over my son but now I'm involved and controlled by it.
Either way I had no choice but to re do the task by closing the door and letting him knock for me to then open again. Instantly he again was calm and able to walk into the home! Again I'm shocked how quickly just doing that demand would make him change so fast and change.
Now by my own experience and understanding through research too after many years and I had little knowledge of OCD but these behaviours from myself and my son wasnt what I expected and have learnt that this was OCD.
We see the behaviour first and our compulsion to act on what we feel at the time of what our thoughts are telling us and having to have no control over this and noone to understand what was going on inside our minds but, noone knows or understands the feelings what we have and the intense anger inside ourselves and as much was keeping our attention and distract us from other things to have no choice but to act on this feeling and do the compulsive behaviour to make one feel safe and secure and comfortable in ourselves.
Not only was my son being controlled but so was I
OCD has come to us both in diffrent forms and mostly in times of stress or anxiety. Also it manages to change from one obsession to another. And the compulsions change .
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crowdedimagines · 5 years
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Tension - David Dobrik
word count: 1685
summary// this was requested in my ask but i lost it in my notifications. Y/n is a friend from Vernon Hills who David used to have a thing with. Natalie invites Y/n back out and there is tension between reader and David.
Natalie was already at the airport waiting to pick me up when I landed.
“What gate are you parked in front of?” I ask into the phone.
She answers with the gate number that is right outside of my luggage pickup.
“I’ll be standing outside of the car. I can’t stand Jonah right now.”
“Jonah?” I ask.
“Yeah, David made him come with.”
I stop immediately in my tracks, halting my luggage that I had been pulling behind me.
“David is with?”
“Yeah, he’s the one that drove. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, it’s totally fine.” I smile, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen David. I know that he got big on social media. Natalie works for him now, I’ve seen a few of the vlogs but I don’t watch them consistently. He does some pretty cool stuff out here.
Back in Vernon Hills, David and I dated. We were each other’s first everything. We’re fine now, we both had different futures ahead of us. He was leaving for L.A and I was leaving for college. We ended things then, now I haven’t really seen him much since.
“Y/n!” I hear Natalie yell my name before I see her. I look around for a few seconds before I spot her. We run together and she pulls me into a big hug. I can’t tear the smile off of my face, it’s been too long since I’ve seen her. I talk to her constantly, but it pales in comparison to being together in person.
“I can’t believe you’re here!” She cheers.
“I can’t believe it either! I’m in Los Angeles!” I grin.
“Welcome to L.A.” Someone says.
I don’t have to turn to know the familiar voice. David. I do however turn, I look and see David standing there, waiting for a hug. I walk over slowly and let him wrap his arms around me.
“Hi David.” I say over his shoulder. I pull away first, David does too reluctantly.
“Hi, Y/n” He looks down and smiles at me.
I take a step back, I may be friendly with David post-relationship, not ready to be quite that close.
“Y/n, you can ride in the front. I’ll deal with Jonah in the back.” Natalie rolls her eyes before climbing into the backseat. I put my bag in the trunk and join David in the front. He pulls away from the airport and drives towards his house.
“I’m so excited for tonight! It’ll be just like old times!” Natalie says, referring to the three of us hanging out. We used to all be the best of friends growing up. We would hang out constantly since we lived near each other.
“I know!” I turn around to smile at Natalie.
“We have to drop off Jonah before going back home.” David states.
We drive through the city for a while, I’m surprisingly quiet. I’m trying to take in the city while I’m here, looking out my window. I turn to the other side and watch David drive. It feels exactly like when years ago we would drive around looking for anything to do.
“Do you want to go in?” David asks, he’s taking off his seatbelt. We arrived at the Antonyan family home.
“Sure.” I get out and cross my arms over my chest. I follow Natalie in and we sit down on the couch.
David films a few bits for his vlog. I have to admit, this is an interesting and funny family. I can see why David has latched onto them.
“Are the always like this?” I ask Natalie with a laugh.
“Yes.” She answers without hesitation.
We stay there for a while longer before leaving. We drive back to David’s house. I’ve seen the pictures, but the house is even more amazing than I thought it would be.
“Damn, Dave.” My jaw it practically on the ground. “This is amazing.”
He lets out a loud laugh, not sure how to take a compliment. I follow Natalie to her room so I can set down all of my stuff and change. Natalie and I both put on pajamas and face masks. We laugh and talk for hours until we’re interrupted by a knock on the door. Hesitantly, David walks in.
“Wow, I feel like I just stepped back into eighth grade.” He laughs before pushing his hair back. Natalie and I both laugh, he’s right. This was  basically every Friday night for the three of us in middle school.
“I just wanted to ask you Natalie if you could make that call for the Seatgeek thing?” David asks.
“Oh, right.” She quickly gets off her bed and grabs her phone. She walks out of her room and I can hear her start talking to someone. It seems late to be making a business call but I decide not to question.
“How’ve you been, Y/n?” David asks, he takes a seat on the edge of Natalie’s bed.
“I’m doing good actually. Glad to finally be graduated and ready to start my life.”
“That’s really great.”
“What about you? How have you been other than rich?” I joke.
He laughs before answering that he’s good as well.
“I can’t believe you’re here right now.” He says in disbelief.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“Well, it’s just that so many times I wanted you here. I’ve really missed you these past few years.” David admits suddenly getting serious.
“I’ve missed you too.” I place a hand on his shoulder, “You can always talk to me, Dave. We were best friends before anything else, that didn’t change.”
He nods to agree before leaning in for a hug. I pat his back and pull away slightly. He’s looks directly in my eyes, our close proximity sends goosebumps down my spine. I can feel his warm breath on my face. His attention is drawn down to my lips when I bite my lip.
“David-” I whisper, both of us are out of breath with anticipation.
We both notice Natalie’s footsteps and I jump up from the bed. I stand up and push my hair out of my face.
“I made the call, we’re all good for next week.” Natalie smiles. She jumps on the bed back to her old spot, completely missing the vibe of the room.
“Great. Thanks.” David is short and quickly leaves.
Natalie and I move on, eventually we both go to bed. She crashes right away, but I can’t say that I’m the same. I decide to get up and grab a glass of water.
“You’re still up?”
My heart nearly jumps out of my chest, I clutch it out of fear.
“Holy shit, David.” I close my eyes, frustrated.
“Sorry.” He laughs. I didn’t notice him or his laptop as I walked by the living room.
“What are you doing up still?” I put a hand on my hip.
“Editing.” he points to his laptop.
“Yikes, this late?”
He nods, “What about you? Why are you still up?”
“Couldn’t sleep.” I answer plainly. I scratch the back of my neck, thinking of what almost happened earlier.
I grab a glass of water, drink some and walk over and join David on the couch. I watch him edit for a while, I also comment on the people on the vlog. He explains who a few people are and what some of the bits he does are. He really does live a busy life.
I don’t recognize when exactly I start to fall asleep, but my eyelids get too heavy for me to hold up anymore.
David’s POV
I recognize Y/n’s breathing change immediately, telling me she’s fallen asleep. I look over to my side to confirm that I’m right. I get up and grab her a blanket and throw it over her sleeping form.
I go back to my original spot and finish editing the vlog. I like having Y/n here, she’s just a calming presence to have right here. It makes me happy that she’s in my city, let alone on my couch under my blanket. It’s been too long since I’ve seen her.
I didn’t think she could get more beautiful, but age has done her well. She looks so mature, no hint of awkward teen left. I push away the strand of hair that fell in front of her face waiting for the vlog to upload to youtube.
As soon as the page reloads, telling me that I uploaded, I let my eyes close.
Y/n’s POV
“Y/n” a voice whispers, shaking my shoulder slightly.
“Hmm?” I ask, not even bothering to open my eyes.
“Y/n, what are you doing out here?”
I open my eyes, Natalie standing over me. She has her arms crossed, but a smirk on her face.
“What?” I sit up, rubbing at my eyes.
“How did you end up out here? With him?”
She gestures to my side where David is asleep.
“I got up to get a glass of water.” I explain.
“Are you sure that that’s all that happened?” She lets outs a laugh.
“Yes, Natalie.” I groan, flopping back onto the couch.
“Alright.” She holds up her hands in mock defense. “I just think it’s interesting that you have David’s comforter.”
“Huh?”
“I grabbed it, Natalie.” David mumbles into his pillow.
I didn’t even know that David was awake. Apparently, he is and he was listening. Great.
“Alright Y/n, you have to get up. We have a busy day ahead of us.” Natalie smacks my hip and walks over to the kitchen.
“We do?” I groan.
“Yeah, we’re going to do some touristy stuff during the day and then tonight we have a party to go to.”
“A party?”
“Yep.” She smiles.
“David invited us.”
PART TWO
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fuck-customers · 5 years
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The Lord was testing me today.
A museum three-in-one. Hella long, tl;dr at the end.
My coworker and I were looking at something on the computer, trying to figure some plans out (which was frustrating me a little) when a customer came up and said "yall seem to be watching YouTube videos with how you're staring at that computer."
"Just figuring some things out." I sorta flatly replied and rang up his car decal. I handed it to my coworker to bag and told the man the price.
He grunted before he said "You look hellaciously ugly like that. Smile more."
Now I hate it. Hate. It. When people tell me to smile. Hate it like you wouldn't believe. Especially when someone prefaces the demand with how "ugly" I look. So I curled my lip and kept on with the transaction.
"You ugly thing you. Smile when you're told."
Again. I hate being told to smile. So I frowned further and the guys wife piped up "Why you looking so nasty?!"
I finally snapped "I dont smile when some man tells me too." Unwarranted statement from me? Most likely, yeah. Could have said something else. I was seeing red at this point.
The couple get pissed. His wife goes "Now you're just an ugly and rude little jackass. You're in customer service young lady. Act like an adult. I'm in customer service and I know how to behave."
I just stared and kept my lip curled because in my mind if they were gonna keep calling me ugly and rude then, hey, no smiling was gonna fix it now. I offered the guy his receipt and he snapped "I dont want it."
"Alrighty," and like I do with most receipts I ripped it in half and threw it in the trash. as the couple were walking out they kept on loudly going on about how rude and ugly I was. I even heard them at the box office complaining to the MOD about me. I couldn't hear them fully, but my coworker overheard the guy apparently making a sort of "myeh myehmyeh" voice when he was telling the MOD what I supposedly said.
I was shaken up a bit after that and the next few customers that came in I thought it was the couple coming back to bitch some more. I half expected the MOD to say something to me about it - long story short she never even brought it up to me for the rest of the day, so I'm assuming she dismissed it entirely as soon as they stormed out the door.
I'm going to take a moment to remind y'all that the museum I work for focuses on a Native American tribe because it kinda plays in for the next one.
An hour later a lady comes up asking about the shirts. I walk out onto the floor to help her and she's asking about a shirt we have in the sale section. She wanted the particular print in a different color and size, which we didnt have because all we had was all that was on the shelf.
I help her look at some other options and and one point she goes "Is there a discount I can get if I buy like three or more?"
"I'm sorry, no, we don't have anything like that. If you're a museum member or if you're enrolled with a federally recognized tribe." Now I said this because it's not something we publicly advertise but will talk about if asked.
The lady hooked onto the word "tribe" and went "you mean ENROLLED? With a TRIBE?! W-well my grandmother was a Cherokee! Her name was [whatever she said her grandmothers name was...] and-and-"
I pretty much cut her off and said that she herself had to be enrolled to get that sort of discount. She again tried to insist she had the ancestry, and I offered to get her set up with our genealogist so she could "investigate" her grandmother further - I get stories like that at least twice a week.
She dismissed the genealogist offer and asked "Well, how quickly can I sign up to be a member?"
"To become a member of our museum, we offer yearly plans starting at -"
"No no, I mean to be a member of [this tribe]?"
I started to give her the brief explanation of enrollment for the tribe our museum focuses on - pretty much saying she COULDNT enroll with the tribe. At this point I was wondering why I even mentioned the discount at all - she didnt seem like she was going to be as crazy as she ended up being.
In the middle of my explanation she waved me off and started asking about the shirt colors again. Her husband came around and they started bickering about what to get their grandkids or whoever. It was obvious the husband was ready to go as he kept on saying "You've been in here for two hours and you'e picked over every little thing. It's not gonna matter, they're teenagers. Just get them keychains and let's go."
But the lady INSISTED on getting matching shirts for her and her daughter as well as a bracelet to go with some earrings she purchased at another store. She started asking me if we had leather bracelets similar to one she was wearing at the time.
I explained I had sinew bracelets: kinda similar but a little different front what she wanted. I showed her where they were and she spent 10 minutes digging through them, trying to find ones that looked like they matched whatever damn earrings she bought and kept on complaining that she couldnt remember what they looked like.
"Ma'am, I can hold your items here if you'd like and you can go to your car to get them. Or you can return the bracelets or exchange them if they don't match."
"No no, we live too far away to do all that." She then asked her husband to go get the earrings, to which he loudly sighed and shoved keys in her hands and basically told her to get them herself. She got quiet and acted all dejected while she grabbed out two and asked me to ring her up.
(I would go on about people who come in to our store looking for jewelry that "matches" what they found elsewhere but that's for another time).
Right as she left -literally as she was walking away - I got a phone call from a woman asking if she could send a group visiting from a university in for a guided tour at 1:15 (she called at 12:15, so like an hours notice). Guided tours normally needed to be scheduled weeks in advance, but one of the coworkers who normally does tours was working and didnt have anything so I said I would check with him. Turns out he was on lunch and didnt respond to my messages, so I had to call the woman back and tell her there wouldn't be anyone available to give a tour.
"What about later on in the day?" Nope, sorry. MOD said she would handle the group whenever I told her about them.
Turns out the group didnt arrive until 1:45 and they ended up going through for free - but they didnt spend more than 30 minutes in the museum before they were all in the store. And the guy who does tours? he didn't get back to me until I was coming back off of my break, which was around 2:40.
And one more small one: a lady asked my coworker if she could take some books into the lobby and read them there. without paying for them. when my coworker told her no she asked if there was anywhere in the store she could sit and read, and my coworker again told her no. Our maintenance/"security" guy, Dan, walked by ten minutes later saying she was sitting in the corner of the book section reading. I would have gone back there and gently "coaxed" her into stopping by asking her questions and encouraging her to actually BUY the books, but I had to help with a rush at the counter and Dan ended up going and telling her she couldn't read the books for free. I saw her storming out of the shop with nothing in her hands and he came and told me that he took care of it for us which I'm thankful for. Knowing my luck she probably would have been the third difficult customer I had that day.
so TL;DR I'm called an ugly rude jackass for not smiling and clapping back when some old fuck demanded me to, I had a woman get a little wild over a discount on shirts, someone else wanted a group to get a spontaneous guided tour for free, and another woman thought our store was a Narnes and Boble all in one day and basically I'm tired of people.
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holyytaehyung · 6 years
Text
NCT DREAM react to misinterpreting s/o when sleepy
NCT 127 version here:
 https://holyytaehyung.tumblr.com/post/178214222496/nct127-reacts-to-misinterpreting-so-when-sleepy
You began to feel sleepy, and instead of communicating this directly to your boyfriend, you decided to just grab them and bring them with you to the bedroom, as you were in the mood for cuddles and sleep. Apparently he wasn’t expecting the same from your actions…
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Mark
Mark would instantly look up at you from his seated position at his desk, with your soft hands holding his arm, when he looked up at you and saw your expression, he simply just went with it. He let you pull him to the bedroom, only asking a few questions to try and get a reaction out of you- missing your smile even if he saw it but only ten minutes ago. Thoughts would be racing through his head,
were you going to make out?are you not feeling well? had he done something wrong? When you pushed him down on the bed, a small smirk grew on his face and he leaned up, pressing his lips to yours softly. You smiled, kissing back, but when you pulled away , he couldn't help but to think he was right; he had done something to make you upset. Before his mind could race any faster, you cuddled up to his side, making him freeze before a small blush and smile appeared, his arm curling around your waist. Hed press a soft kiss to your forehead. “ohhhhh they were just, sleepy..” mentally slap himself, didnt mean to always be this anxious, he just cared about you to the moon and back. “my baby is just sleepy?”
“so youre not mad at me?”
“okay good, for a moment it felt like my world was going to end..”
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Renjun
Renjun would look up at you from the couch, wondering why you hadn’t said anything in a little while. He asked you if you were okay, only to receive no answer as you dragged him to the bedroom, his movie still playing in the lounge on the TV. The little fluff ball wouldnt know what to say, a soft rosy blush found its way to his cheeks as he scratched the back of his neck. “y/n wants to make-out? thats why she brought me in here.. because Taeyong hyung would be back from the store soon..”  He would smirk to himself, thinking that he was obviously the next Sherlock Holmes, but to his dismay, when you pushed him down on the bed, you merely cuddled up beside him, quite cutely too. He sighed with a smile, a breathy chuckle following. “is my y/n tired?” “i couldve sworn i had this all figured out y/n, you wont believe me but i could be the next Sherlock Holmes-!”
His arms found their way around you, playing with your hair softly, admiring your features. “its okay” he thought. “we can make out later”
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Jeno
Jeno would wrap his arms around you into a bag hug when you began to try and pull him. He was reading some lyrics when you, broke him out of his trance - his tired yet motivated trance, to begin pulling him toward the bedroom. Knowing you were too innocent to be thinking of something else, his mind immediately went to making out. He craved your kisses, especially since he was sleepy. When you slightly struggled in his arms, he noticed the blush on your cheeks, from the fact that he had completely over powered you, holding you perfectly still in his arms. “you can kiss me out here y’know y/n, i dont really care what the others say. Plus i like showing off whats mine..” when you smiled and blushed more, shaking your head from side to side, a cheeky grin formed on his face. “then what is it baby? you dont want to kiss me? because i want to kiss you” The dark red on your cheeks caused him to inwardly squirm at your cuteness. “sleepy” you mumbled, and he crumbled. He bent down, his arms picking you up, bridal style, holding you close to his chest. “lets go sleep now baby, we can smooch later” this earned him a soft, sleepy, slap to the shoulder.
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Haechan As he was practicing singing in the kitchen, grabbing some juice, your small form creeped up behind him and back hugged him, your head resting against his back softly. He immediately knew it was you, his smile forming, hands reaching to hold yours around him. He was only ever like this with you. It always surprised and sometimes spooked out the members to see just how relaxed and mature hed be around you; spare the few dozen sarcastic remarks now and then, but c/mon , were talking about Haechan here. He relaxed, the juice remaining on the bench, as he turned around in your arms, looking down at you with heart eyes as he leaned down slightly. “whats up baby?” hed smile. when you simply just pouted and tugged on his shirt slightly, he couldve died on the spot. a cuteness overload. Did you want to make out? he sure did. maybe that was where youre taking him. He smiled as he let you lead him to the bedroom. “i knew you couldnt resist me, little one~” hed tease, making you chuckle, before pulling him down onto the beg with him, cuddling up to him after mumbling “im sleepy” His expression would go from confused, to excited to contempt. He wrapped his arms around you tightly, pulling your back flush with his chest. “im going to get you back for teasing me... but sleep well baby.”
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Jaemin Jaemin would be on the couch with you, already all over you as you both sat there. He had his arms around you, your head on his chest, and his chin ontop of your head. when you began to get up, his grip around you tightened, holding you down. “i dont wanna... here” you said, accidentally mumbling the very detail that he needed. This caused so many ideas to race through him.
It caused him to flash back to a few days ago, when he succeeded in making you so very flustered,and he loved it- the effect he had on you. His hyungs were only in the kitchen, when he decided he wanted to pin you to the wall, his height looming over you as he pressed his lips to yours. You loved it- but wouldnt admit to it. the thought of his hyungs finding you two like this made you worry out of your mind. “i.. dont wanna make out here, jaeminnie.. can we go to the bedroom?” to which he smiled and agreed, loving the way you slightly stuttered- because of his work. “can we go to the bedroom?” your voice broke him out of the flashback, and he nodded, smiling and picking you up, carrying you to the bedroom and placing you down on the bed. He was taken off guard when you pulled him down with you, cuddling up to his side. “thankyou jaeminnie... didnt want to fall asleep out there... so sleepy-” It all made sense now, He laughed to himself softly, “i shouldve known, you werent nearly flustered enough to have been asking to make out with me.. dont worry, when you wake up ill be able to kiss you all i want baby.” he smiled lovingly, his arms wrapped safely and firmly around your waist, his head resting on your shoulder as he admired your sleeping figure. “how did i get so lucky..”
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Chenle Chenle was watching youtube when you tugged on his sleeve softly, trying to get him to follow you. At first he found it quite cute and entertaining, until you didnt reply when he asked if you needed anything.
“baby?” his headphones were now on the table infront of him, the video long forgotten as you pulled him to his bedroom, a place where you both found to be the safest place to make out, safe from the hyungs - well mostly- so you could atleast have some time alone- innocent time alone. He smirked as he followed you, pretending to whine that he had things to do- just to get a reaction. He was surprised when you pulled him onto the bed, but as soon as you climbed in, into his arms, he knew exactly what you were doing. “go to sleep baby” hed smile, kissing your forehead. “my little sleepy y/n” “cutie”
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Jisung
He was practicing a dance in the spare room, when you wondered in, watching on as your talented boyfriend did some impressive dance moves. As soon as he turned around, he ran to you, as if you both hadnt been watching a movie together a few hours ago. “hiya baby” hed smile. You reached up to tug on his shirt to follow you, but first , he swooped down to bring you into a soft kiss, enough to make you both blush. you smiled softly, and pulled on his shirt toward his bedroom. “were gonna make out hehe” was all that was running through jisungs head as he got pulled into the room, and then further was pulled down onto the bed. when you climbed in next to him, he smiled, placing his arms around you. “m’ tired, need cuddles..” you mumbled, and he melted, holding you closer. “ofcourse, im here baby, sleep well” Hed smile as he watched you close your eyes.
“im supposed to be the cute one, this isnt fair baby”
-admin rose
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Text
Home (Taehyung x You ONESHOT)
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A/N: this song is inspired by an uprising band in my country called Insomniacks - Pulang (which means "come back" or "come back home") They started of as a YouTube band and wrote their own songs too! This story is inspired by their MV. If you have spotify you can listen to it, I believe that to all Kpop fans out there, language wont be a barrier to appreciate good music ❤
Also, this story is not finished yet. Think of it as a part 1 if you may. (Its a oneshot actually) I havent finished it yet but I haven posted for such a long time so I just want to post this first. This is not throughly edited yet. will fully edited once I posted the whole thing but hope you enjoy it since im a bit rusty now.
ITS DONE GUYS. ITS THE COMPLETE STORY
Warnings: Rape Scenes
A/N : And also, I’m trying a new thing here. if anyone here like my stories and want to give some support, why not buy me a coffee? ☕💜
MASTERLIST
"What is this story about?" Taehyung lazily thumb through the script on the table in front of him.
"In the nutshell, about an unrequited love. A lot of cheating, hurting and how the main female character gets over it. You will play the man who broke her heart," his manager explains briefly. "I know, I know. Its sounds like a typical love story. But its good exposure for you to start taking roles in a romantic drama. Armys would love that,"
"Hmm, I guess?" Taehyung, still thumbing through, not really believing his manager's words.
"And its also by an award winning writer and publisher. And she will guide the director all the way. Its going to be a hit Tae," his manager desperately tries to convince him once again.
"Yeah? Who is this award winning writer and publisher?" Taehyung looks at him, curious.
"You will surely know her. Shes too famous not to be known by anyone," the manager grins, sure that Taehyung wont say no once he heard the popular name. "Its L/N Y/N,"
"What?" Taehyung turns his head so fast it gives him a whiplash
"L/N Y/N. Shocking right? But your trusty manager manage to get you the role in her movies!"
"Y-Y/N?"
/////
"Y/N!"
Y/N pushes her glasses up her nose as she turns around to the source of the voice and saw one Kim Taehyung walking, no, sauntering over to her like he owns the school. Well, in some way, he really does owns the school. Everyone knows who Kim Taehyung is. Not just in the school, but in the whole town. Granted, its a small town, but Kim Taehyung just leave a mark on everyone he met. Guys wants to be him, or atleast gets close to him and girls will do anything to date him, parents admires him and teachers adores him. People would do anything just so for him to know their name, or even just hearing him call their name, which in some miracle, he is calling hers.
"M-me?" Y/N points to herself as Taehyung flashes her his incredible grin that could melt hearts, hers not an exception.
"Who else princess? I dont know any other Y/N," he smirks and hugs her waist, walking by her side, which turns all eyes on her. If it wasnt her in this surreal position, she would be staring too. Kim Taehyung with his hands around a girl's waist? Even worse, a nobody, nerdy, smarty pants who has her nose in a book all day. The girl who doesnt even have a single friend throughout her high school years?
"I-uh.."
"Speechless?" Taehyung winks. "Well, thats how I feel when I first saw you too princess,"
"W-what?" Y/N makes a sudden stop in the middle of the hallway the moment those words came out from his mouth and pushes her glasses back up on her nose, taking a good hard look at Taehyung who is still smirking at her. "Is this a dream? I'm dreaming arent I?" She lets out a loud laugh. "Yeah, that must be it. I'm dreaming. I'm in my bed right now, under my blankets, in a deep sleep. There is no way Kim Taehyung knows my name, is walking beside me, hugging my waist and calling me princess. Yeah, a dream. Definitely a dream," Y/N babbled on her own and Taehyung cant help but admire how ridiculously adorable she is. Y/N reached out her hand and touched his face. "Even in my dreams you look so ethreal," she smiles. "And you feel so real too,"
Taehyung burst out laughing. Oh wow, she really thinks shes dreaming.
How-freaking-adorable.
He leaned in and whisper to her ears, "Keep on touching me princess, and something else might go down today," he winks as his smirks gets bigger.
Y/N smiles.
"This is really an amazing dream," she giggles. Shaking his head and laughing, Taehyung slowly leans in, one hand cupping her chin and the other holding the back of her neck as his lips softly touches hers. Wide eyed and surprised, Y/N touched her lips once Taehyung pulled away, smiling.
"Still believe its a dream princess?"
"D-did you really just kissed me?" She stuttered, eyes still wide.
"Yes. And theres a lot more where that come from," Taehyung grins and leans in to whisper in her ears, his warm breath grazing her ears, finally making Y/N realized that she is definitely not dreaming, and Kim Taehyung did really just kissed her. "Oh princess? You better believe that all this is real. You are mine now,"
/////
Everything become official so fast. Taehyung was the perfect boyfriend.YN still couldnt believe it sometime. That she is Kim Taehyung's girlfriend. That Kim Taehyung is really, sincerely, happily in love with her.
Their relationship was happy and perfect. Taehyung never gave her any reason to doubt his feelings for her. They are the perfect couple, even her parents approved. Even when Taehyung was accepted as a trainee, something she never thought would happen.. oh who is she kidding, with that face and talent, of course he would get casted, no miracle there. But what is a miracle is how Taehyung's feelings for her never changed even when he is on the brink of fame, stress and debuting.
Things between them only starts to shake when Taehyung starts to get close to another trainee. Beautiful, talented Min Soo. Y/N trusts him, she really does. But theres also a limit on how much a girlfriend can take to see her boyfriend being close to another girl. Especially a beautiful one that matches him in every way.
What is once a peaceful relationship, starts to be filled with fights and doubts. Especially when Taehyung starts to pay more time and attention to Min Soo, under the false excuse of practicing and rehearsing. Dates cancelled everytime Min Soo called has been a norm to Y/N now, but she thought things were different when Taehyung suddenly asks her out on a super romantic date night. She strongly believe that Taehyung is finally realizing his mistake and is making it up to her.
Dressed to the nines and brimming with excitement, Y/N waited for her beloved boyfriend. She almost thought that Taehyung would cancel last minute like he usually does, but he showed up just in time and impecabbly dressed too. The night went well. Great even. Taehyung was romantic, sweet and everything he is when they first met... until Min Soo calls him, asking for his help for a cheaography.
"Really Tae?" Y/N pouts. "Cant you just tell her that we are on a date? You spend all your time practicing, I barely even see you this week,"
"Princess, you know this debut is important to me and Min Soo is helping me. Its only right that I helped her with hers too," Taehyung sighed, too tired to argue. Its like this every single damn time and he is exhausted.
"But Tae..  you promised that this will be our night. Please Tae? Just tonight. Spend it with me?" Y/N hold his hand and looks at his face softly, trying to find back the man Taehyung once were. The man that made her fall so madly in love before.
"This is work. Dont you understand?! You know how important this is to me!" Taehyung sighed, his voice slightly rising.
"I know it is Tae. But arent I important too?" Y/N tries to control her sadness. "I'm only asking for an hour or two. I'm sure Min Soo can wait,"
"Shes important to me Y/N! I need to do this!"
Y/N's mouth hand open. Did he just said what he just said? Did Taehyung really just said she?
"S-he?" She repeated his words. "She as in Min Soo? Shes more important to you isnt she?"
"N-no. You know what I meant. I meant this is important to me! My career! You said you will be supportive Y/N! You know I am doing this for us. For our future!"
"Supportive in your career, yes! Not supportive when your boyfriend is out with.. with.. another bitch!" Y/N yells out. With her good girl reputation, she never cursed. Not once, but she cant handle it anymore. Her heart is breaking with every second they soend arguing.
"What did you call her?" Taehyung growls.
"A bitch! I called her a bitch! Thats what she is Tae! Shes stealing you away from me!" Tears already rolling down her cheeks. Taehyung will usually do anything to make sure Y/N never cries, but apparenty tonight is nit one of those time. This time he is fuming with anger and he dont even know why.
"Y/N, I'm warning you. Dont call her that!"
"Why? Because shes your girlfriend now?! Then what am I? Why are you even with me right now?!"
"God, what part cant you understand. Its fucking work! And work is important to me!"
"Oh bullshit Tae! Just admit it! Its not work thats important! Its Min Soo! Just be a man and admit it!" Tears are no longer containable and is streaming wildly down Y/N's face. Taehyung kept quiet for a while, most probably thinking and after a while, with a sharp glare he opened his mouth.
"She is so much important than you in every way. Can you just please get the hell out of my car?"
/////
"Oh Hyun Joo? What are you doing here? Did Tae sent you here?" Y/N smiles at him as the car stopped by her side and the windows rolled down to show Hyun Joo's big innocent smile. She knew it. There is no way Taehyung would leave her alone like this. Maube it really just work. An emergency. She should make it up to him tomorrow.
"Yeah he did. Come in," Hyun Joo smiles and unlock the door for her to climb in.
Without hesitation and doubt, she climbed into the car. Hyun Joo is Taehyung's best friend. She kust be important to hin if he sent his best friend to get her. The pain fron Taehyung leaving her alone in a dark, unknown place starts to melt away. She just loves him too much. After Taehyung asks her to get out from his car, Y/N was left alone in the dark scary road, far away from anywhere and her phone batteries had ran out. Scared and terrified, she walks along the darkened road, trying to find safety, still believing that Taehyung will come back. Maybe she can make Taehyung treat her to ice cream and a nice date to make up for tonight. She knows she shouldnt be forgiving him so easily, but what can she say. Shes whipped for him. Taehyung is her everythinf. She will forgive him in a heartbeat the moment he apologizes. Lost in thoughts, it took Y/N a while to realized that it has started to rain heavily and Hyun Joo has stopped the car.
"Why are we stopping? Is something wrong?" She looks over at the man, concerned.
"Yeah. We have a flat tire. Sorry, but i have to change it. Do you mind coming out with me and holding the umbrella for me?"
"Of course I will do that," she smiles and gets out in the heavy rain, holding the huge umbrella over the two of them as Hyun Joo crouched down to the tires. After a few minutes of fussing over, he suddenly stands up and turns to face her, eyes dark and changing.
"H-Hyun Joo? Everything okay?"
"Do you even know how beautiful you are?" He hold the handle of the umbrella, hands gripping over hers. "Why is Tae such an idiot? You are a million times better than Min Soo,"
"H-Hyun Joo? Why are you acting like this? I-is everything okay?" Y/N starts to panic. Her heartbeat starts to beat faster as she realized that shes in the middle of no where and no one to help her. But Hyun Joo wont do anything right? He must be playing around. He's Taehyung best friend. This must be a joke. Nothing else. Just a joke.
"Everything is definitely okay, princess," Hyun Joo smirks. The pet name coming out from his mouth sounded so sinister to her ears. "Now that I finally got you alone, everything is more than okay," he grins and grips her hand, pulling her and pushed her into the backseat, making Y/N fall helplessly on the seat, startled. "Why Taehyung huh?! Why Tar princess? I've been waiting for you for years! And one look from that luing, manipulating playboy and you are suddenly head over heels in love with him?!" He yells as he leans in, forcefully trying to kiss her but Y/N tilt her head dodging his face.
"Hyun Joon no! Please dont!" In panic she managed to kick him hard and pushed him before scrambling to the other side and runs out from the other door. Now more enraged from the kick, Hyun Joo chases after her, lust now combined with anger.
"You bitch! You wont get away with this!" Hyun Joon is not the school's athlete for nothing as he catches up with her so easily and drags her back to the car. Although she tried to wriggle and scream, doing everything she can, Hyun Joon is noticably stronger, overwhelming her in a second. "Stop resisting princess and it will be just as enjoyable to you. I can make you feel so much better than Taehyung can,"
Y/N spits in his face as one last attempt and that just resulted in making him angrier, making Hyun Joo pushed her down on the wet, dirt road.
"I tried to be nice to you princess, but you want the rough way huh? You like it rough?" He towers over her and slaps her multiple times, adding a few punches in order to weakens her resistance.
"D-dont please dont. Help. Somebody help!" Y/N screams as loud as she can but the rain drowned out everything. Using his strength, he captured both of her hands and use the other hand to ripped open the top of her dress.
"T-Taehyung... save me. P-please. I'm sorry," was the last thing she managed to whisper out, as tears that streams down her face mixed up with the heavy rain, closing her eyes tight, already numb from the pain and cold, blocking the smirk on Hyun Joo's face from her eyes.
/////
"Its okay. She wont know. And you know you are meant to be with someone like me," Min Soo smile. Shes beautiful, thats for sure. And just like all the other teenage boys out there beauty is everything. So, erasing Y/N entirely from his mind, Taehyung leans in, his lips touching her, hands roaming at the hem of Min Soo's shirt as hers fiddled with his buttons.
Its okay. Y/N wont know a thing.
/////
Taehyung woke up smiling the next day. He had spent an amazing night with Min Soo and he still has his amazing girlfriend. He loves Y/N, he really does. But temptation is everywhere. And he is just a young hot blooded man. All he has to do today is make up to Y/N with some nice date and all will be okay again. He is sure of it. Y/N was never able to resist him. She will forgive him in a heartbeat and everything will go back to the way it was. He is sure Hyun Joo has taken her home safely last night anyway.
However, he cant find Y/N anywhere the next day. He tried calling but her phone is shut down. Is she sick? Maybe. Taehyung will just go and see her after school then. He tries to find Hyun Joo, wanting to know if everything goes well after he asks him to get Y/N, but his best friend is also not in sight.
Weird.
After the first period, rumors starts to buzz that Hyun Joo is arrested, for what, none of the students are sure. Some says murder, some says vandalism, but nothing is for sure. Puzzled, Taehyung tried to get some information about his best friend, but no one tells him anything. Even Hyun Joo's parents refused to speak to anyone or try to clarify things.
More confused about whats going on in school today, Taehyung decided to immediately went off to Y/N's house, knowing he will feel much better the moment he saw her beautiful smile. He definitely didnt expect to be greeted so coldly by Y/N's parents as they opened the door.
"Hi Mr and Mrs L/N. Y/N didnt come to school today so I came to visit her. Is she okay?" Taehyung flashed his signature boxy smile. Y/N's parents loves him and is always welcoming and incredibly warm but something felt off today.
"Stay the hell away from my daughter and dont you ever come back here!" Taehyung was taken aback by what Y/N's father just said to him.
"S-sir?"
"I said get the hell out of here and get out from my daughter's life! What kind of a bastard leave a young girl alone in the dark after he promised her parents that he would take her home safe and sound!" Y/N's father yelled and her mother starts crying, which confuses Taehyung even more. Is he that angry over last night? But he didnt leave her alone. He asks Hyun Joo to pick her up!
"Sir! I'm sorry that I have to bail out from the date last night. But something came up!  I-"
"Something came up?!" Y/N's father move forward and grip Taehyung's collar. "After everything that happened last night, your reason is something came up?!" Taehyung's eyes widen. Did her father know about him and Min Soo?
"B-but sir. Can I just please see Y/N? I can explain it to her. I called Hyu-"
"Dont you dare mention that name in front of us ever again!" A powerful punch flies over Taehyung's handsome face, making him fall to the ground. "You and your no good best friend better get out from Y/N's life forever if you dont want to share his jail cell!"
With that the door is slammed shut.
Still as confused as ever, Taehyung tried calling Y/N every day and night for a week but her phone is soon out of reach. And after a week, he is met with the news that Y/N and her whole family has moved away.
Y/N moved away. Without a goodbye or a last I love you, she left. His first true love left.
And all Taehyung can think about is the last thing he ever said to her.
She is more important than you in every way. Can you just please get the hell out of my car?
/////
"Y-Y/N, h-hi. Its been so long," Taehyung stuttered. He cant believe Y/N is standing in front of him right now. His first love, his one true love. He tried to look for her for years and failed miserably. She is still as beautiful as he remembered, making his heart skipped a beat. He cant believe shes here now, and... and.. smiling?
"Hi, I'm Y/N. You must be Kim Taehyung? Its nice to meet you," she lets out a smile so warm, it makes Taehyung's heart flutter as much as it hurts that shes pretending that she didnt know him.
"Y-Y/N, its me. Tae. You dont remember me?" He looks at her confused face. "I-I know seeing me again must be terrible for you, but please, dont pretend like you dont know me,"
Y/N starts to furrow her eyebrows at what he is saying, a confused look etched on her face,  giving weird looks to her manager who only looks back at the two of them with sympathy.
"I'm really sorry. I dont know what you are talking about. Did we meet before? Maybe I didnt notice you at an event? I'm sorry, but I really cant recall," Y/N smile politely and smile at him. "I-I mean, I know you are from that famous group. BTS right?" Y/N quickly corrected herself, afraid she might have offended the big superstar. Taehyung looks at her, dumbfounded. How can her sincere smile matched with what she is saying?
"Y/N! Why are you doing this?" Taehyung starts to get frustrated. "How can you not remember me?! We are-"
"I'm sorry Mr. Kim, but I think you should come with me for a moment," her manager interrupt, bowing politely to them and smiling at Y/N. Sighing and defeated, Taehyung followed the manager with no complaint, eager to know whats going on. He leads him to a corner, far away from Y/N's confused looks.
"Mr. Kim? Is it safe for me to assumed that you have known Ms. Y/N from way back? Say.. in her teenage years?" Her manager looks straight at his face.
"Yes!" Taehyung quickly confirmed. "We went to the same school together! In fact, I am her b-" Taehyung stop himself once he realized what hes about to say.
"Yes Mr. Kim?"
"H-her boyfriend," Taehyung admitted defeatedly. "From a long time ago. In high school,"
"Wait!" The manager gasps. "Are you saying you are her boyfriend? From her hometown?"
"Yes! Did she talk about me?" Taehyung's face turned into a smile. Maybe Y/N did still have feelings for him if she told her manager about hin right?
"Uh.. no. Not particularly,"
"O-oh.." Taehyung's reaction immediately darkened. "Then why did you ask?"
"Well, uh Mr Kim. Seeing your reaction, I can safely say that you most probably didnt know,"
"Know what?"
"She didnt talk about you not because shes angry.. or hates you... its uh.. its because she cant remember,"
"Cant remember? What do you mean? It doesnt happen that long ago!"
"Ms Y/N.. well.. she uh.. she lost her memory.."
"What?!" Taehyung was shocked. What is this man saying?
"Miss Y/N was involved in an accident. A very... tragic accident," her manager looks at him with sympathetic eyes.
"W-what do you mean? Tell me!" Taehyung shakes his shoulders. "Tell me right now!"
"Uh well... it happened when she was 16. She uh was left in the middle of the night, in the middle of no where. Her parents said it was her boyfriend back then, but it cant be right? Why would a boyfriend left his girl in the middle of no where,"
Taehyung gulps. Memories of that night starts flashing back like a vivid slideshow.
"And I think the person who left her promised that someone will come and get her, because he really needs to go. An emergency, I think?"
"Okay! I fet it. That bastard left her alone! Can you just get to the bloody point?!" Taehyung is getting impatient, making the manager looks at him weirdly at his massive interest in the story.
"Uh well.. I dont know how long she waited, but it started raining heavily, and that person did come.. but uh.."
"What?!"
"She uh.. got raped,"
"W-what?!" Taehyung feels like his world is spinning. Y/N got raped? B-by who? I-it cant be Hyun Joo right? It just cant be! Oh mu god, is that why he is arrested? "S-she what?" Legs shaky, Taehyung almost collapsed but the manager hold him, worried.
"Are you okay Mr Kim?"
"W-what happened?" Taehyung doesbt care about himself. He just wants to know what happened to his baby.
"Uh well. She was raped when shes 16. It was a dark time for her family. Shes a good student, an amazing one, and a good daughter," her manager sighed  "but I guess she mingled with the wrong crowd? S-she didnt just got raped. She was beaten half to death by the assaulter. I guess he did that to weakend her before doing the deed? I figured she must have tried to fight back... but a fragile 16 year old girl against a man?" Her manager looks down sadly. The whole night flashed back like vivid memory in Taehyung's mind. The heavy rain, Min Soo's laughter, kisses, the sin he did that night, how he shuts down his phone and slept so soundly that night. All those happening while Y-Y/N got raped? Y/N must have been so scared.
No. She must have been terrified.
She must have called out his name, but he... he wasnt there to save her.
"After everything is done, she was just left there, to die I guess. The injury on her head and body was so severe the police assumed the assaulter was sure she would die and nobody would find her there,"
That fucking asshole! He left her to die? His Y/N? Taehyung clenched his fist so hard, his nails left marks so deep in his palms.
"But her parents sends out a search party when she didnt come home that night. Her boyfriend's phone was shut down too. When they found her, she was barely alive and keep repeating the assaulter's name before passing out. When she wakes up the next day, Ms Y/N has lost all memory. Every single thing up to that night. She can only remember basic things like her parents and her name  The doctor said she was badly traumatized and her mind refused to remember what happened. In order to save their daughter from the pain of remembering, her parents thought that keeping her in the blind is the best thing for her and move away shortly after to create a new memory for her somewhere new," her manager finishes off. "I was assigned to look after her. To make sure nothing triggers the pain again,"
"A-are you saying that.. she doesnt remember anything at all? She doesnt... she doesnt have the slightest memory of.. of me?"
"I'm afraid so yes. Mr Kim.. I'm sorry to say.. but to her, you are nothing but a stranger that she just met today," the manager looks at him. "And.. we would gladly appreciate it if you can keep it that way,"
/////
"Mr Kim? Are you even listening to me?" Taehyung snaps back to reality when Y/N waved her hand in front of him, smiling. "I am sorry. My story must be boring," she laughs. Taehyung shakes his head and smile.
"N-no. Not at all. I- uh.. I was just distracted. Sorry, please continue," he smiles and lets Y/N continue her briefing about her story.
"Okay then. Well.. thats about it. But I havent finish the ending yet. I dont know if the female lead should end up with the main lead. What do you think Mr Kim?" Y/N smiles at him. It breaks his heart every single time she calls him that.
"Uh well.. it depends. Your manager said this is based on a true story? So what is the ending to this story?" Taehyung is curious. The storyline is very familiar to their own love story but Y/N is not supposed to remember anything, right?
"Well... to be honest. Its not entirely based on a true story. Its more like a memory," she smiles.
"A memory?"
Y/N laughs. "This might sound silly to you Mr Kim, but I feel like I have been through it. Maybe its a dream I had? I dont know, but everything feels real," Y/N smiles again. "I'm sorry. Its stupid right Mr Kim?"
"N-no. No. definitely not," Taehyung smiles. "But in this dream if yours.. are you happy with that guy? T-the main lead?"
"Well... again, this might sound so incredibly stupid.. but yeah. I am... very happy," she gave a sad smile. "But sometimes I feel sad when I'm around him in my dream. Its as if he has hurt me but I dont know. How could he when he is just a dream right? I dreamt about him most nights, but he never have a face. In my dreams he calls me princess," Y/N laughs out loud as if to tell Taehyung how stupid her dream is. Taehyung felt his heart beating so rapidly, it almost burst out from his chest. Y/N dreamt about him. That must be him. Taehyung wanted to reached out and touched her hand but the look she gave him, a look of a stranger, of one colleague to another, stops him.
"Why are you laughing?"
"I mean... it must really be a dream. How can I ever be a princess to anyone. I mean, look at me Mr Kim," she giggles again.
"Princess, I love you," Taehyung smiles at her, hands holding hers tight as they sat under the tree in front of the school field. Y/N blushes.
"I-I... uh," she looks down, face red as a tomato. Its the first time Taehyung ever said I love you to her. "I love you too Taehyung. I really do,"
"Awwww, is my princess blushing?" Taehyung smiles and squeezes her cheeks.
"No I am not!" Y/N blushes hard and hits his chest playfully. "And I am definitely not a princess. How can I be anyone's princess. I mean, look at me Taehyung,"
"Well, I am looking and you are beautiful, just like a princess. My princess," Taehyung smiles and leans in softly, kissing her under the tree as the wind blow softly.
"I am looking Y/N," Taehyung whispers softly, his deep gaze boring holes into hers, setting Y/N's heart on fire. "And you are beautiful. Just like a princess," My princess.
/////
"How is shooting going hyung?" Jungkook invites himself to sit besides Taehyung, slurping on his banana milk as Jimin joins in. "I miss you. I dont see you around anymore. Why do you always leave earlier than you need to abd come back later than usual?" The maknae pouts.
"The brat is right Tae," Jimin chimed in, earning a glare from Jungkook. "Stop glaring at me Kook. You dont look that intimidating with banana milk all over your face," Jimin rolls his eyes and turns back to Taehyung. "You are not ditching us for a bunch of "Hwarang Hyungs 2.0" right?!" Jimin starts to panic. As far as he knows, Taehyung co- star is a girl this time. They are not losing him again right?
"No I am not! And stop being jealous of my hyungs. You will always be my best friend Chim," Taehyung winks. "Theres no hyungs this time... but..."
"Oh my god! Are you dating your co- star?!" Jungkook exclaimed with excitement. "Are you finally teaching me how to date? I dont want to learn with the other hyungs, their methods of dating are too x rated," Jungkook scrunched his nose.
"First of all, you are too young to date, so I am not teaching you anything,"
"I am only two years younger than you! And taller than Jimin-hyung!" Jungkook protest.
"Yah! What does height has to do with anything?!" Jimin threw a pillow towards the maknae and Taehyung laughs.
"And two, I am definitely not dating my co- star. I dont even have the slightest interest in her. But... I am trying to date the writer,"
"What?!" Both boys are surprised by Taehyung's bold admittance.
"Oh I didnt tell you? The writer is Y/N,"
"Y.. Y/N?" Jimin tapped his chin, trying to remember the familiar name. "Isnt that the girl from your trainee years? The one you still kept a photo of in your wallet? Shes the writer?!"
"Yeah... and the story I'm staring in is our love story Chim.. but Y/N.. she doesnt remember..."
/////
After spending the next few hours explaining to Jimin and Jungkook about Y/N and what had happened to her, Taehyung was forced to spend the next few hours being scolded and called stupid by his other hyungs after the two loud mouth runs over to Namjoon's studio and tells the leader the whole story, which leads to the whole band knowing which of course means a family meeting where Taehyung was burned at the stake.
"Okay now that we are done telling him what a dumbass he is," Namjoon sighs and turns to him, giving him another smack at the back of his head, "what are you planning to do? Nothing too dumb please?"
"Hyung, I am not dumb!" Taehyung protests.
"Well, all your action so far showed you are," the older man rolls his eyes.
"Fine.. but.. now that I found her again... I want Y/N back. Its fine if she doesnt remember me hyung, I just want to redeem myself. I-," Taehyung sighs. "I still love her. I never stopped loving her. I have been trying to look for her since she moved. Now that I have found her, I need to make her fall in love with me again,"
/////
"Andddd cut! Good job Tae! Thats all for today, see you guys tomorrow!" The director shouted and everyone bows to each other, off to end their long tiring day. Taehyung's eyes immediately spotted Y/N who is packing her bags, ready to leave and rushed over.
"Y/N!"
"Oh Mr Kim, hello," Y/N bows and Taehyung gives out a unsincere smile. He hates it when Y/N treated him so formally, like a stranger. He knows that is exactly what he is to her, but he cant help but remembers all the memories and little things they shared years back. The way she laughs, the way her eyes lighted up when she saw him, the excitement on her face wheb she saw him walking towards her, her giggles and blush when he told her how pretty she is...
"Hello Y/N," he smiles. "Going back already?"
"Yeah I guess," Y/N picks up her bag and starts walking slowly. "But I just need to stop by somewhere first. It has been a looong day for me. And when I had a long day I usually stops for-"
"Ice cream," Taehyung finishes her sentence with a smile.
"Oh my god, how did you know?!" Y/n squeals, amazed and surprised at the same time. "How can you know that ice cream is what I needed Mr Kim?"
"Its a looong day for me today Taetae," Y/N pouts. "I had back to back exams, my english teacher is mean, I lost my science assignment and had to redo it and the history teacher decides to do a pop quiz! I just want to crawl to bed Taetae,"
"Not yet princess. Im not gonna let my princess go back home all stress out okay?" Taehyung flashes his boxy smile and grabs her hand.
"Where are we going?"
"Somewhere that can put a smile back on my princess' beautiful face," he covers her eyes and uncovers it when they reached the shop. "Ice cream! My treat princess,"
"Well... I think, from now on, everytime I had a long day, I will always go for ice cream then," Y/N giggles as she gigs into her ice cream. Taehyung smile, looking at his beautiful princess smiling so happily. He would give everything for her to always be happy  "How do you know that ice cream is what I needed Taetae?"
"Because ice cream is the sweetest thing that can even come close to a sweet princess like you," Taehyung winks, making her blush.
"I love you Tae," Y/N giggles. "I dont knkw what I'll do without you in my life. You are my home. No matter how lost I am, I'm okay, as long as you are a part of me. I love you," Y/N leans in across the table and kisses him, and Taehyung has never tasted anything sweeter.
"Mr Kim? Hello?" Y/N waves her hand, taking Taehyung back to the present, his eyes gleaming with unshed tear from the memory. "Boy, you really dazes out a lot. Am I that boring?" Y/N giggles.
"No, definitely not boring. You were saying?"
"I was just asking. How do you know that ice cream is what I needed after a long day?"
"Because ice cream is the sweetest thing that can even come close to a sweet princess like you," Taehyung stares deep into her eyes as he said it, her blushing form is a duplicate of that day, years ago, he almost expecting her to say she loves him again.
Just like that day.
But instead Y/N smiles at him.
"Want to come with me and get ice cream then?"
/////
Y/N dont know why he enjoys every little second he spent with Kim Taehyung. He is handsome, thats for sure, but Y/N is pretty sure that is aesthetics is not what makes her heart beats faster than it should. Theres just something about him.
Something... familiar.
She feels happy. And sad at the same time. She feels likes she knows him. She feels as if shes... home.
They had a good time at the icr cream parlour. Taehyung told her a lot of stories about his adventures with his band mates, but he seems to always avoid talking about his past, and Y/N is not one to pry. Afterall, they are strangers, Taehyung is not obligated to tell her anything.
"So Mr Kim, I am guessing you dont have the chance to go out like this often? You know, with you being a universal star and all?" Y/N giggles.
"Yeah. We dont go out like this often. But when we do, we usually go out with each other," he smiles and watch Y/N digged into her ice cream. Cookies and cream, still the same flavor. "You know... we are practically friends now, and we are the same age. Why dont you call me Tae? Or... Taetae? I mean.. I already call you Y/N,"
"T-tae?"
"Yeah," he smiles. "Or Taetae,"
"T-taetae?" The moment that nick name rolled off Y/N's tounge, a surge of vision enters her mind, causing extreme pain in her head.
"Call me Taetae now princess, I am afterall your boyfriend," the faceless man smiles and kisses her forehead. "And thats a special nickname only you can use,"
"Hey Y/N are you okay?!" Taehyung immediately stands up and went to her side when she starts holding her head.
"Y-yeah. I just got a sudden headache. Maybe its a brain freeze from the ice cream," she tries to smile but Taehyung is having none of it.
"Let me send you home okay?" Y/N nodded weakly and Taehyung made sure that she has safely arrives before saying goodbye.
"Take care okay. And take a day off tomorrow if you need it alright?"
"Alright. But I think I will be okay," she smiles and bows. "Thanks. And goodbye.. Taetae..."
Taehyung's face light up the moment she calls out his name, making Y/N blush and rushed inside.
Taetae... why does it sounds so familiar. Who are you Taehyung-ah?
/////
Taehyung was on cloud nine since that ice cream date. Y/N calls him Tae, or Taetae. No more that Mr Kim bullshit, and they spend a lot of time together now. He even had the chance to bring her to lunch to meet the members and of course, just like he expected, they all love her. Taehyung even thinks the maknae is seriously in love with her, but no way in hell hes going to let that happen.
Y/N is his.
Atleast she will be again.
"Miss Y/N, Mr Kim, we will finally be meeting with the actress who played the woman you will be cheating with Mr Kim. We are sorry her scenes has to be delayed because of her her overseas schedule," the production crew informs them as they were having a break. Break time on set is Taehyung's favorite time, because he can pulls his chair and sits besides Y/N, sharing the lunch Seokjin made for him or his manager bought for him, since he refuses to eat outside anymore if Y/N didnt come with . Every second with Y/N is heaven to him and he hope she will still want to stay in touch even after their filming ends.
He cant lose her again. He just cant.
"Oh its fine. I heard shes a good actress, so she can keep up with the filming right?" Y/N asks.
"Yes. Shes a very good actress. Actually Mr Kim, you know her quite well. She used to train with your company before,"
"Oh really?" Taehyung raised an eyebrow. The only trainee he knew that turns into an actress from his training days is...
"Taetae!" Min Soo shouted from the door the moment she saw him, pushing her sunglasses up her forehead.
"M-Min Soo?" Taehyung was taken by surprised as Y/N lifted her head to see the actress who just entered. Upon seeing her face and her excitement in hugging Taehyung, a rush of memories flooded her mind and in a matter of second, Y/N was passed out on the floor, the last thing she hears was the voice of the faceless man in her dreams calling her name.
"Y/N!"
/////
Taehyung rushed to her hospital room, dropping his coffee once the doctor informed him that Y/N is awake. The moment he swing ooens the door, he was greeted wirh Y/N leaning up straight on the bed, glaring at him, face drenched with tears.
"Y-Y/N... y-you okay? Are you hurt anywhere? The doctor says y-"
"Get. Out,"
Taehyung's blood run cold as he heard the icy tone of her voice. What happened? Why is she suddenly like this? Did she forgets him again?
"Y-Y/N? Its me. Taehyung. Tae. Taetae? Y-you dont remember me?"
"No. I remember everything," Y/N starts to sobbed. "I remembered everything now Taehyung! Get out! I dont want to see you! Out!" Y/N yells, throwing whatever she could reached from her bed side and throw it at the dumbfounded Taehyung.
"Y/N no! Baby please. Let me explain!" Taehyung dodge her throws and try to reached oit for her hand but she immediately pull away.
"Explain? Explain?!" She yelled. "You ruined my life Taebyung! I gave you everything! I loved you with every part of me and you left me?! Do you even know?! Do you even know what he did to me?!" Y/N sobs starts to get uncontrolable, sobbing her eyes out. If Taehyung could hurt himself so Y/N's pain would lessen, he would do it. He would do anything to go back to that night and do it all over again. He would treat her right. He would cherish her. He would already be married to her right now.
"Y/N please-"
"He raped me Taehyung!" She sobs. "I remembered everything now. I remembered the pain when he slaps me, punch me. The cold rain on my face. His disgusting face as he.. as he..." Y/N sobs even louder and Taehyung wants nothing more than to kill Hyun Joo if he wasnt already in prison serving his time. "I called your name Taehyung. I called you over and over again. I keep saying I'm sorry. I thought if I didnt pissed you off about Min Soo, if I just apologizes, you would come back. You would come back and save me from that... that monster," she continues to sobs. "B-but you didnt. A-and he keep... he keeps hurting me. H-he keeps touching me. Where were you Taehyung? Where were you?!" Y/N shouted one last time before throwing the flower vase on the bed side, only inches away from Taehyung's head.
Taehyung knew he dont need to answer. Y/N dont really want to know where he is that night. She already knows. But he feels like he needs to explain it to her. To tell her that leaving her that night was the biggest mistake of his life. That saying all those things to her that night... he regrets it all. He wants to tell her he loves her, that he loves her still, that he will protect her now. That he will spend forever to make it up to her.
But everything got stuck in his throat.
"Y/N... I-"
"Get out," her voice cold, eyes closed.
"Y/N, I need t-"
"I said get out Taehyung. Get out, get out, get out, GET OUT!"
Her hysyeric screams finally attracts the nurses and before he could say anything else, Taehyung is escorted out. He was never allowed to visir her ever again, and although Y/N didnt ask for Taehyung or Min Soo to be pulled out fron the movie, she never again make an appearance on set.
Taehyung was lost.
Without Y/N he was lost.
And thats when he realizes, Y/N is his home. All these years he keeps holding on. Living life day by day, feeling empty and lost, because at the back of his mind he is still looking for her, looking for a way back. A way back home.
But what is he to do now when his home dissapeared?
Y/N is his home. And he needs to go back. No matter what it takes.
/////
"Today is the last day of the filming. You sure you dont want to go and visit the set? Say thankyou to the crew?" Y/N's manager sat besides her, patting her back.
"I'll just send them a fruit basket. We will do another dinner without the actors one day. Satisfied?"
Her manager sigh and give a sad smile to her.
"Y/N... I know its hard... getting your memories back like that. I know you feel as if all the people that are close to you have been lying to you. But you know we did it to protect you right?"
Y/N looks down and fiddled with her fingers. She actually understands. She really understands it. She herself hopes that she wouldnt remember.
"I know oppa... but... I'm not mad at you. Or eomma or appa... but..."
"You are mad at Taehyung?"
Y/N keep silence, knowing that her manager really knows her best.
"Listen... I dont know exactly what went down between the two of you, but I have put some of the puzzle pieces together. Starting from his reaction in the first day you were introduced to him. I dont know much Y/N... but I know that he loves you," Y/N raised her head at that. "And you... you love him too,"
"What?! No way! I dont!"
"Y/N... you can try to lie to yourself, but you cant lie to me," her manager smiles. "Dont you ever wonder why you only dream happy things about the faceless man? Y/N those dreams... they are not dreams. They are your memories. Memories of you and Taehyung. Happy memories. No matter how hard your mind tries to rejects him by refusing to remember, your heart still remembers him Y/N. Now... just remember back all your dreams.. and remember it hard. You will see that the faceless man is Kim Taehyung, and you will understand that the feelings you had is happiness, love and missing him. Find it in your heart to forgive him Y/N and give yourself a chance to be happy. A home is never perfect, nor does it only give you happiness. A home is a place where you can feel comfortable. It can be a mess, it doesnt have to be perfect, it has its flaws, but its yours. Taehyung is your home Y/N. Come back home and be happy. Thats all I want for you," her manager, who is more like a brother to her gives her a tight hug and leaves, letting Y/N be alone with her messy thoughts.
Y/N sat alone, pondering the words of her oppa that has known her ever since the incident. Who has been by her side, guiding her through her career. Just remember back all your dreams.
Y/N closes her eyes and collect back all her dreams about the faceless man. The faceless man who makes her heart beats faster in her dreams. The faceless men who kisses tastes so sweet, who words can make her smile for days.
"Princess, I love you,"
"Awwww, is my princess blushing?"
"Well, I am looking and you are beautiful, just like a princess. My princess,"
"Not yet princess. Im not gonna let my princess go back home all stress out okay?"
"Somewhere that can put a smile back on my princess' beautiful face,"
"Ice cream! My treat princess,"
"Because ice cream is the sweetest thing that can even come close to a sweet princess like you,"
"I love you princess,"
"You are mine now princess,"
"You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen princess,"
Y/N remembers back every single dream he ever had about that faceless man. He always calls her princess. His princess. But its different this time. This time she remembers. She remembers herself, looking back up into the faceless man's deep gaze and smile...
"I love you Kim Taehyung,"
Its Taehyung. Its really is Taehyung. All this while she thought ahes having a fantastic dream of her faraway soulmate. Maybe ut is her soulmate, but he is not that faraway. Not at all. All this while, it was her heart telling her to remember him. To remember Taehyung and all their memories together.
Without hesitation, she grabs her jacket ans ran out not noticing anyone arounds her until she bumps into someone.
"Ow! Look where you are going!"
"You look wh- Y/N?"
Standing in front of her is Kim Taehyung. The faceless man. Her soulmate. Her home.
And she doesnt know what to do but to turn back the other way when Taehyung pulls her hand and stops her.
"Dont go. I am not letting you leave ever again. You can hate me, hit me, kill me, I dont care, I just want to be with you and never ever leave you again," Taehyung pulls her into a tight hug. "Y/N... I love you. I never stop and theres not a second went by that I dont regret that night. You dont have to take me back, but I wont ever leave your side. Ever again. I love you. I love you. I love you,"
Y/N stays in his hug for a moment, tears wetting the front of his shirt. How is it that the man who hurt her so much makes her feel so safe and like she belongs? Is it true what her oppa said?
Is Taehyung really her home?
That one place that is fully hers?
"I-its hard," Y/N sniffles, voice muffled in his tight hug. "I-I understand why my mind refuses to remember you Tae. But my heart is stronger. It wanted me to remember," she sniffles louder, making Taehyung released the hug to look at her face. "I love you Taehyung. There was never a second that I stopped loving you. Even when my mind dont remember, my heart does. I love you too much that what you did hurts me to the core. But I cant live like this anymore. I cant live under the shadows of my past, because between the hurt you gave me, you are also my happiness. I choose to remember. I dont want to forget anymore. It hurts yes, its painful, yes. But I know it now Tae. I know why I always feel so empty even when I cant remember anything. Its because I was never home Taehyung. I need to feel alive again. I need to come home..."
Taehyung looks at her, eyes gleaming with tears from the knowledge that he has hurt the only person he has ever love to beyond repair. He didnt quite understand what Y/N is saying, but whatever it is, he swears he will do anything to make it up to her.
"Tell me what you need me to do Y/N. I'll bring you home. Whatever you need, I'll do it baby. I'll do anything,"
"Tae... you dont understand," she giggles through her tears. "I want to come home. Taehyung...you are my home. And its a mess, a messy, unorganized, abandoned home.. but its mine. Its my home and I wouldnt want to be anywhere else, Taehyung,"
"And wherever you are baby, I will follow. I will never ever leave you alone ever again. Because right here," he points to her heart," is where my home is. I love you..."
Taehyung looks at her with eyes filled with love and determination to make her forget every little pain she ever faced. He will give her the best home she could ever dream of. A home filled only with love, laughter and happiness. And as he leans in to capture her lips, Y/N can feel it too.
"My princess, my home, my everything,"
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sir-adamus · 5 years
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I’ve literally seen six good metas already about the fighting styles in the bees vs Adam fight but the YouTube rwby critics will swear it sucks because “hurr durr they made Adam too weak.” At this point I’m embarrassed that they’re still calling their whining criticism.
oh yeah
the ones i’m dreading are the ones attributing Yang fighting ‘better’ as if she was a bad fighter until her father ranted at her for an entire episode (when her fighting style isn’t better, it’s dull and clinical and she’s not enjoying it anymore), acting like she needed his advice to be able to handle Adam when that’s just horseshit
Yang didn’t know what she was up against last time, she didn’t know how he fought, what his semblance was or what he could do 
“but she was too ruled by emotion and that’s why she got hurt” (oh yeah blame the victim, classy)
it’s a very popular lie that Yang was ‘too ruled by emotion’ and ‘had no control over her temper’ - Yang demonstrates a lot of control over her temper in the first few volumes if you’d actually pay attention and isn’t nearly as ruled by her emotions as people pretend she is (and blowing her lid isn’t a sign of her losing control when observation indicates she’s still controlling herself while angry - in fact on more than one occasion losing her temper and letting the rage out actually helped her re-focus)
people - and Taiyang - act like Yang should’ve acted like a goddamn machine on finding Blake lying there on the ground, stabbed in the gut by some asshat in a mask, and seem to think Yang had any other options in that scenario beyond a direct charge
any of Yang’s other techniques, or approaching him slowly, could’ve put Blake at further risk - either from Adam or the fallout of Yang’s own attacks - which is something Yang would absolutely want to avoid
on top of that, it’s completely ignoring the very extenuating circumstances of that situation
the fall of Beacon had been going on for a few hours by that point, everyone is stressed out and exhausted because they’ve been fighting for ages - Yang has more stress than anyone else because it’s been an incredibly rough 24 hours for her, with the Mercury incident, being told by some jumped up general that the world hates her and there’s fuck all she can do about it (seriously why couldn’t one of her teachers handled that? why does Tinydick Copperschlong have to throw his weight around with everything?) and then finding out that not only was she lied to her whole life again (Qrow telling her that, contrary to what she previously believed, that he had seen Raven since she left) and getting some idea that Raven wasn’t a particularly nice person (in fact it’s implied that’s when he told her about Raven completely, bandit leader and all, so she’s got that weighing on her) and now the school’s being attacked, she’s separated from her team and has no idea where Ruby is
so yeah, maybe when she sees something incredibly distressing and being goaded by her opponent, she’s gonna hit her breaking point and fly into a rage - but that isn’t representative of how she normally would react if it weren’t for the extremely specific and stressful circumstances
compare this circumstance, this is Blake and Yang’s only fight that day, all they’re really worried about is making sure this plan goes off without a hitch - so there’s no overabundance of stress. when Yang arrives, not only is Blake still holding Adam off but Yang hits him before he realises she’s even there - he had absolutely no control, unlike last time. and on entering the fight, she already has a better idea of how he fights and what to avoid from past experience
Yang was already an adaptable fighter, acting like she could’ve only adapted because she got advice from Taiyang - and not, say, because she’s a smart fighter with a functioning brain for whom the extremely generic and situational advice from her neglectful, bullying idiot of a father (”find another way around” yes, thanks pops, i will also try “not dying” and "breathing”, any other sage wisdom you got?) who clearly doesn’t understand her at all might not be terribly applicable, especially because looking at previous fights showed that she was already doing that - is ridiculous. she has a better idea of what to expect and adapts accordingly, she’s very quick in that regard, as demonstrated in this same fight where on learning how Adam’s semblance works she deliberately focuses on hitting him without hitting the sword
but i just know people are gonna attribute it to Tai ‘being such a great teacher’ and ‘Yang really learned her lesson from getting her arm brutally sliced off by an abusive shitstain - the message of that fight totally wasn’t that the heroes still have a long way to go and that the villains are brutal and monstrous or anything, no, Yang needed to learn a lesson and the only way she could learn it is by being maimed and getting PTSD’, or that once again ‘Adam got nerfed’ and it’s gonna be so annoying
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