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#i like. wont read new fics for like 3 months and then suddenly i will read hundreds idk
denkisauce · 1 year
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oo okay okay okay young eraser mic raising shinsou fic 😮😮😮😮 so it starts with aizawa in high school, hes gets switched into a new foster home and befriends this really cool girl that goes to a nearby school in the neighborhood. she has purple hair and she’s super sarcastic and has a telepathy quirk 👀👀 she can read surface thoughts and communicate back! they get along really well and one thing leads to another and they sleep together 🫢 this is shoutas first time and it leads to a panic that holy shit, he is not into girls and he freaks out and totally ghosts her which is not the best thing to do but he’s 16 and freaked the fuck out!!!!! he goes to his best friend yamada and this leads him to be like oh my god am in love with my best friend??
flash forward six years and him and hizashi are 22 and just started dating. it’s like three months in and new and fun and pretty casual. but then aizawa gets a phone call!!! a whole bomb dropped on him all at once 🫢 the girl, shinsou, was killed in a villain attack and her son is at the hospital. she had cut ties with her family and aizawas name was on his birth certificate so they called him. aizawa goes to the hospital and there is just!! a little purple haired six year old who looks just like him 🥺🥺 mama shinsou cut ties with her family bc they were all scared of shinsou when his quirk manifested and she wasn’t having any of that. she never reached out to aizawa bc he ghosted and she had a clue of what was going on and knew he wanted to be a hero and she didn’t want to mess up his chances. she believed in him!!! the hospital ask aizawa what he wants to do and there’s no way he’s letting this kid go into foster. he doesn’t really have family of his own to help him out but he’s a hero, and if he can’t save this kid then what’s the point?? so now he’s 22 with a six year old and a crappy apartment and he’s just like. um okay. he calls hizashi and is like. hey um can you pick me up from so and so hospital. i’m a dad. and hizashi is like???? but obviously comes to pick shouta up. hizashi is like thee definition of ride or die he’s like yooo whaddup little dude!! shouta is like WHAT AM I GONNA DO and they make the chaotic plan to just. raise a kid together. 3 months into a relationship and 22 let’s gooooo 🫠🫠🫠
they move in together because they’re doing this. right??? right. they’re both pretty broke so moving in together and combining their $$ and time is the best way to do this. coparenting okay. alright. at least they can sell one of their beds and furniture and shit to buy kids stuff because! wow yeah. fully living together after three months. right yeah. this wont take any getting used to. both super protective and love shinsou but i imagine it being absolute chaos!! just a story of two dudes who are suddenly dads and have NO idea what they're doing and theyre simultaneously raising a kid and figuring out their own relationship??? they’re like Not that good at parenting but also very good ykwim?? they’re like hey hizashi 6 yes old is old enough for coffee right? hey shouta idk what to do hitoshi keeps trying to play with knives and my hands are full im just gonna put him on the fridge for a while?? i’m sorry i couldn’t think of anything else. it’s 3 am and aizawa and shinsou are in blanket burritos watching jackass* mic walks in and is like “shouta…. I don’t think 6 years should be up this late?” “says who” mic takes shinsou places to take trendy pics for instagram. gets mad at shinsou for not being good at taking pictures “shinsou, daddy needs the right angles, try again!!!” agdjfjsjdj i just want a story about aizawa and present mic being so chaotic and falling in love while raising a kid and shinsou slowing coming out of his shell 🥺 also when he does get more comfortable he’s a MENACE
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queenangst · 3 years
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here’s the thing about reading fic for me right. the vibes have to align the mood has to be right everything has to feel a certain way, and no i couldn’t tell you how or what the feeling is. a fic could have the perfect premise and characters for me and i might still not be able to read it until a certain point in time, and i have no idea when that’ll occur. sometimes i spontaneously read 10 fics in a night and sometimes i have to wait 10 months after a fic is posted to read it. there is no rhyme or reason. sometimes i just can’t read a fic at all. i have no explanation for why i’ll read one over another. doesn’t make any of the fics ‘bad,’ nor does it mean i don’t want to support other writers, it’s just A Thing That Happens (or doesnt).
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got-any-references · 3 years
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What are your fav beetlebabes headcanons? Also, love your stuff <3
Thank you <3. And thank you for the wait cause oh boy if I don’t answer this ask with a ridiculous amount of art how will I live?
*Digging out the dust covered manuscript that is my nonexistent Beetlebabes fic from under the floorboards* It’s showtime.
So...Lydia is the one who falls first. She is about 17 or 18 at the time, so this is very much an “I have a teen crush on someone I am not supposed to” type of deal. Honestly they fell in love with each other way before that but like, platonically 
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Beej is...horribly oblivious XD. Honestly its for the best because Lydia spends the better part of her pre-college summer freaking about because any time her best friend walks in the door her heart wants to go bull-riding in her chest and if she actually has to confront her feelings she might just explode.
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Then, just before Lydia was supposed to go away to college, Beetlejuice...disappears. He leaves a note, saying he’ll be back, but weeks turn into months, months turn into a year, and no one either in the living world or the netherworld has seen a hair of him. Lydia goes through college without really knowing what to do with herself, missing what was probably the closest person in her life. She graduates with a journalism degree and a minor in photography. She works for a newspaper as an investigative journalist before breaking off over less than great circumstances and going off on her own.
She’s 25 when she establishes herself as a pivate eye, with an enormous amount of anonymous sources being dead people. Also, this takes place in New York City.
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(Yes she absolutely does exorcisms on the side).
She’s following a rather stange missing persons case when one of her sources points to a run down establishment that is 100% totally haunted. Except when she goes there she doesn’t find any ghosts, but rather
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Beetlejuice. And he looks awful. And very much human.
Lydia: You look like hell.
Beej: Yeah, I just got back.
...
Beej: Also I’ma pass out now so you better catch me.
So he crashes at Lydia’s place, and the whole thing turns into solving the crime as well as Beej’s  mysterious aquirement of a beating heart and working lungs. He doesn’t remember how that’s happened, only now everything is Too Much with Too Many Feelings. Speaking of feelings, you bet your ass there is PINING. SO much pining. Lydia’s best friend comes back and suddenly those feelings she’d dismissed as a stupid teenage crush come FLOODING BACK. 
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While Lydia’s internally feaking out over her feelings (it's totally normal and platonic to wanna kiss your best friend while he sleeps, right??), Beetlejuice is, you guessed it, totally oblivious! To his own feelings especially! All he knows is that it's his best friend only now she seems like a completely different person, and hot. She is now hot. His mad respect for Lydia makes him bury that thought deep, deep down. Also the whole marriage deal is a source on bad memories for both of them and he doesn’t wanna ruin the only good thing he’s ever had and-
Anyway, more pining:
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Lydia’s feelings bring out resentment, too. She hates that Beej calls her kid, because that means he still sees her as one, and her ego and her desire for him make her want him to see her, the woman who's seen some real shit in the name of finding the truth, who can take care of herself, and who is very different from that angsty 15 year old girl on the roof. 
It all comes ahead to a big confrontation where Lydia is shot, and Beetlejuice has to drag her to the hospital without any knowledge of how human bodies work and he has no magic so he can’t help her-
The hospital needs to know his relationship to her when they take her away, and Beetlejuice knows they wont let him in unless he’s close family so he is blurts out: “Husband. Yeah, I’m her...husband.”
Lydia wakes up with a patched up hole in her side and Beetlejuice clinging to her hand. She’s happy she’s alive, but also angry, because she could have avoided all of this. She was competent enough to not need anyone to rescue her. 
She wants to get back on the case as soon as possible, she found the key lead, but Beej doesn’t wanna hear it, cause he saw way too much of her blood and he’s not big on how human bodies work, but he's pretty sure that shit’s supposed to stay inside. They’re arguing when the nurse comes in and adresses him as “Mr. Deetz.”
Lydia snatches the clipboard away, sees that he’s told them she’s his wife, and is livid. Because crush or not the wedding thing had a whole lot of baggage she does not want to unpack. She has to confront the fact that her feelings are for someone who manipulated her into marriage at 15 and who she’s not supposed to see in that way but she does anyway.
And Beej, a dumbass but also angry cause she almost died out of a stupid reckless mistake is like: "Why are you all mad? It was a green card thing. It's not like it means anything." And that gets Lyds even more upset, with him cause he's an idiot, and with herself because she's still pining for someone who, she thinks, still sees her as a child. 
Lyds, getting her coat: "Fuck off." 
BJ: "Kid-"
 Lydia: "Stop calling me that! I haven't been a child since my mother died. I haven't been a child since you showed up! I haven't been a child since I've started this, since I moved here, since the first asshole tried to kill me. I've been through literal hell and I've had to pull myself out of it all on my own because I was still here and you left."
There's a beat of silence as Lydia realizes what she just said. 
Lydia: "And that's fine. Because I don't need you. I don't need anyone. You taught me that, at least." She yanks her coat onto her shoulders and turns to go.
 BJ, quietly, but its clear he's angry: "Do you think I wanted to leave?" 
Lydia: "I don't know what you wanted. Do you even know what you wanted?" She pauses at the door, turns to him. "Do you know what you want, Betelgeuse?" 
BJ: "I-" 
He stops. He can't look her in the eye anymore. You. I want you. Lydia scoffs, turns to go. 
BJ: "Lydia, wait-" 
Lydia: "Fuck. Off."
She leaves, and he just stands there, floored by his too little too late realization. Lydia thinks the best thing to do after leaving the hospital with a bullet hole in her side and hopped up on painkillers is to go get drunk! Self-preservation? None
Beetlejuice finally finds her drunk off her ass and suddenly in a great mood. He grabs her under the arms like "Whelp. Time to go." 
Lydia: "Nooo come on-" 
BJ: "Aren't you on hospital drugs? Doesn't that shit kill you breathers if you mix it all up?" 
Lydia: ":D I stopped taking them :'D it hurts like a bitch." 
BJ: "I guess I have the shared braincell now. Okay, time to go."
He manages to get her in the car without incident, but when he gets in the driver's seat suddenly Lydia's all over him.
BJ, with a lap full of drunk Lydia: "What. What are you doing." 
Lydia: "Beeetlejuice." 
BJ: "Yeees?" 
Lydia, smiling all dopey as she cups his cheeks: "Beeetlejuuuice."
BJ: "What" 
Lydia's finger hovers over his nose, as if to boop him. He closes his eyes. And suddenly her lips are on his. She tastes like alcohol and hospital food and as she pulls away he can't think. Then she starts laughing. "Ha! Gotchaaa! Classic Bait and Switch!"
And he’s pissed.
BJ: "Ha. Ha. Good one, Lyds." 
He dumps her out of his lap and into the passenger seat. Lydia blinks in confusion. Now she's cold. She wants to ask, but her mental faculties aren't all with her at the moment. He drives them home and helps her up the stairs before dumping her onto her bed. "Well. Bye." Lydia scrambles up the bed. The car ride gave her enough time to be at least a bit sober, and everything before getting here is blurry. "Where are you going?" Beetlejuice turns around, the widest smile on his face. She's confused for a moment before she realizes he's vibrating with rage. "Ya said you want me gone? Great! You don't need me, you can do your weird little suicidal quest thing yourself!" Lydia looks lost. They had a fight but she'd rarely seen him this angry. "If its about the thing at the hospital, I didn't- I didn't mean it-"
Beetlejuice: "Really? You'd think you'd be glad to have me gone. Why would you want a creep like me around? The whole marriage thing didn't just disappear, after all! Great to know you can still pull one on me, huh?"
Lydia: "Pull what, Beetlejuice-"
She remembers, hazily, the car ride.
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They stare at each other for a moment Beej is breathing heavily, he's not used to living person emotions, ones you can feel with your whole body instead of just as an abstract thing, but its clear he's holding back
Lydia: "I wasn't-" 
Beej: "You weren't what?"
 Lydia (quietly): "It wasn't a joke."
The angry grin slips off Beej's face. He suddenly looks very, very tired. She might have believed just now that he'd lived for millennia. 
 Beej: “Why are you doin' this, Lyds? Did you know the whole damn time? It's not like I was gonna do anything, I just thought- I just-”
Lydia suddenly realizes that they are having two different conversations. And something else. She looks away, trying to wrap her head around it, and Beetlejuice doesn't read it correctly. He turns to go. 
Lydia: “Wait!”
 She jumps off the bed, feeling the whole world tip over slightly, still drunk, and stumbled over to him. He catches her instinctively as she grips his forearms for support. 
Lydia: “Beej. Beej, look at me.” 
She takes his face in her hands, and turns it toward her. He looks so lost, like one word from her might actually break him. She'd only seen that look on his face once before, and she never wants to again.
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Lydia takes a breath. 
Lydia: “Beetlejuice, I-”
Aaand then she throws up all over his shoes.
She doesn't quite remember what happened next, only that she was in the bathroom, leaning against the door, the toilet was flushed, she was sweating, and he wasn't there. 
Lydia: “Beej?” 
Beetlejuice (through the door): “...hi”
Lydia: “What-”
BJ: “-happened? Well, that's a story!” 
His voice sounds cheerful, but it’s shaking slightly 
BJ: “First ya threw up all over us both! then that little experiment of yours with mixing the meds went off, and you started babbling about...rocks? Then we got here, you heaved out the rest of your insides, and then ya kicked me out and said you were gonna shower, and now we're sitting here, so, yeah”
Lydia: “...Are you still covered in puke?” 
BJ:”...yeah”
Lydia: “...sorry?” 
BJ: “Pshh, what's a best friend if ya can't throw up on 'im a couple times.”
They both fall silent
Beetlejuice (quietly): “Lyds, do ya still want me here?”
...
 Lydia takes the time to find the words. Want him here? After everything, he was still asking that question. Did he still think, after all this time, that she'd throw him out at the smallest inconvenience? Would he ever stop thinking that way? Why did he think so now? Was it because he- Because he-
Lydia: “I love you.”
The other side of the door is silent. 
Lydia: “I love your stupid laugh. You sound like a fucking cartoon villain, its so fucking obnoxious. I love your jokes, all of them, even the shitty ones- you always look so god damn proud when you say them.”
Is she crying? She tries to wipe at her face, but the tears keep coming. 
Lydia: “I loved you since that last day on the roof, and when you left-” 
Her throat closes up. She chokes back on her tears, she has to finish it, he has to hear it. 
Lydia: “When you left I thought I might die again.” 
Lydia: “I kept seeing things, dumb branding on cereal boxes, that shitty college play I went to, my first client, and I kept thinking aw, Beej would have a field day with this one. I thought about what you'd say. You were like a voice I couldn't scrape out of my head, I thought I was going crazy, I thought I'd imagined it all, some lonely little girl with no life or friends, needing someone to talk to- But you'd been real, and then you were just gone- “
The words dissolve in her throat as she sobs, pulling her knees up to her chest. She feels like a child now. She feels more childlike than she had at 15. She’s clinging to a scrap of hope she doesn’t have a right to demand from him. And yet he'd said- 
Lydia: “I love you. Please, don't leave.”
They sit is silence for a while. Lydia tries to stop crying. Then, quietly from the other side of the door:
BJ: “You know what I thought when I first saw you?”
Lydia: “Here’s a suicidal teen haha what a riot?”
BJ: “What? No, not then. Like now.”
Lydia: “Oh. What?”
BJ: “I thought wow, who the hell is that and why is she so dang hot?”
Lydia laughs.
BJ: “And then I thought oh God that’s Lydia.”
Something in his voice makes her pause. Maybe it’s the strange fear that she feels coming from him.
BJ: “It’s like, you’re Lydia, and I don’t know shit about you! You’re the same person, but you’re a stranger to me. Lyds, do you know how fucking terrifying that is? You’re someone I never got to know because of a shitty decision I don’t even remember making.”
he falls silent. She can hear the pain in his voice. And something else. Longing. 
Beetlejuice: “I’d like to.”
Lydia opens the door. Beetlejuice scrables up, only for her to throw her arms around him. 
They figure it out. It’s a slowburn 200k fic that I’ll never write so it takes a while for them to actually kiss, or do anything more, but they get there. 
This turned out...ridiculously long XD. I don’t know what you meant by “headcanons”, exactly, but have this instead.
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Thanks for the ask! 
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sazc94 · 3 years
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The Way I Loved you
A long overdue Bucky fic for my girl @lannycleave consider this a delayed birthday gift <3
Also Please accept this as another entry to the wonderful @msmarvelwrites
2k Challenge because her challenege seems to be one of the only things able to inspire me at the moment.
Pairing Steve and Reader and Bucky and Reader.
Warning 18+ Only as it's smutty. Daddy kink (maybe idk). Angst. Some fluff (Steve being a perfect boring gentlemen). Surbuan Au type Thing
Not Proof read so my apologies.
Dating Steven Grant Rogers was a dream, He's charming and endearing and you were comfortable. He was reliable, never made you wait, always calling exactly when he says he will. A true prince charming on a white horse always there to sweep you off your feet.
He was always opening doors for you, got on with your mother and talked business with your father. You two were a match made in heaven, he a Captain in the army and you the perfect small-town girl that everyone wanted.
You never had to worry about where you stood with Steve, he would always tell you how beautiful you looked, have you home by a reasonable hour (even though you were in your 20’s and lived alone). He would always respect you and your space, never pushing you for more than a kiss, or at a push a steamy make out session.
However, that’s where the problem was, you were comfortable, you wanted passion, you wanted him to want you, touch you, fuck you. Anything just anything to make you feel that fire you had once felt with James Bucky Barnes. Sadly, Steve was just too much of a gentleman and would never do anything beyond a make out session in his car, he never came into your apartment always making up some excuse about how that wasn’t the proper thing to do.
Your single friends thought you were crazy. They were jealous. you had the perfect specimen of a man with his blonde hair and blue eyes and his abs, oh god his abs, he was perfectly sculpted almost like he had been made out of a bottle. He was a great kisser you just didn’t feel anything.
Then there was Bucky, he was also in the army, a Sergeant. He was just as muscular as Steve however where Steve had short blonde perfectly sculpted hair (like a ken doll except blonde), Bucky was a brunette, when you had first met him he had shaggy brown hair however he had cut it once he had been called up to the army.
Both had blue eyes, however where Steve’s sparkled, Bucky’s felt like the ocean like you were downing in them, and oh god the little lick of his lips he did when he smirked, it melted you into a puddle. Bucky had always adored you, calling you doll treating you right, but after the first tour things had changed.
Bucky had lost an arm and whilst he got an amazing prosthetic thanks to Stark industries the softness, he once had to him was long gone.
The love between you became somewhat toxic, screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain and it's 2:00 a.m. and you were cursing his name. But the sex. Oh god the sex. It was always electric after a fight.
One minute your screaming and fighting, cursing telling him that you cant stand him, the next minute his lips would be crashing onto yours, his tongue forcing its way into your mouth. You let him take control because when Bucky Barens wanted you with such a raw animalistic way, who were you too refuse?
Buckys hands cupped your ass, urging you to jump and wrap your legs around him, Whilst you and Bucky were freaky, you weren’t quite fuck outside in your apartments front garden freaky. Buckys tall muscular frame was taught beneath the shirt as he carried you into your apartment.
Thankfully you were on the ground floor and as soon as Bucky was in your apartment he kicked the door shut behind him.
Bucky backed you against the wall next to the door your body becoming putty beneath his as he pushed his hardened cock against you, the friction of your PJ short. You couldn’t help but moan as your arousal started to soak through your shorts.
Bucky slipped his hand down your shorts and let out a dark chuckle.
“Stupid little slut of mine, already so wet for me and I’ve barley even begun, when im done with you, you wont even remember your own name” Bucky growled.
You loved Bucky, so you knew he would never do anything to truly hurt you, but the way his eyes darkened with arousal, hunger, a want for you, no a need for you, and the way he spoke down to you. Sent shivers down your spine and and arousal flooding to your pussy.
Bucky began harshly swipping your swollen clit, pushing one finger in and then another before he began harshly scissoring you with fingers.
“Dumb slut, whats the matter cat got your tongue? Bucky said pushing a third finger inside you, Buckys pace quickened working that magic spot, before long your orgasm was crashing through you. Bucky worked his fingers still inside you slowing the pace to bring you down form your high.
Once your breathing had slowed Bucky grabbed your legs which had dropped from his waist and pulled you tight around him before walking into your bedroom.  He dropped you on the bed and began removing his pj pants.
He clicked to the spot on the floor in front of him.
“On your knees, bitch” he said. You complied arousal flooding through you again.
“There’s a good little girl” he cooed. You felt yourself flush at his appraisal.
By now Bucky had removed all his clothes and was standing in front of you his erect cock stretching out, you felt your mouth water slightly with anticipation. Bucky had a large cock, but it was also wide, your lips parted slightly as Bucky pumped his hand down his cock lazily. Bucky swiped his thumb over his bulbous head and gathered his pre-cum with his thumb, he then wiped it across your lips followed by a deep kiss.
You moaned slightly as the tang taste of his precum mixed with the taste of his lips. Suddenly Bucky broke the kiss and without warning he shoved his cock in your mouth. You whined slightly at the intrusion.
“That’s my good girl taking daddy’s cock so well. Wanna feel those pretty little lips do some good” Bucky then pulled his cock almost all the way out from your mouth before snapping his cock back into your mouth.
Bucky grabbed your hair and began to fuck your mouth at a relentless pace, you felt your eyes start to tear up as you gagged around his thick cock. You tried to remember how to breathe but you could feel yourself slipping into that cockdrunk haze Bucky seemed to put you in.
“Stupid little slut doesn’t know how to behave, seems to forget who loves her. That’s okay Daddy will help you remember” Bucky said slamming into your throat again. All you could do was whimper in response. Suddenly Bucky removed his cock from your mouth. He wiped your tears away and kissed you gently. He picked you up with ease and placed you on the bed.
Bucky rolled you round so you were face down before gently pulling your ass towards him. You didn’t let his sudden gentleness fool you, you knew Bucky was about to absolutely destroy you. You couldn’t help the arousal pooling in your cunt as Bucky ran his hands languidly along your body, leaving a trail of blazing hot kisses along your neck, shoulder and back.
“Such a pretty little girl when you’re quiet, what’s the matter baby, cat got your tounge?” Bucky said as he teased his cock along your wet folds and you mewled in response.
“Now you’re going to be a good little girl and take what daddy gives you aren’t you?” Bucky asked. You nodded in response.
“Need to hear you use your words Princess” Bucky growled.
“Yes daddy” you replied compliantly.
That was all the confirmation Bucky needed and then he plunged his hardened cock inside your waiting cunt the groan you let out was purely pornographic. Bucky stilled a moment inside you before he began to drag his cock along your walls. Buck tangled his hand in your hair and pulled you up so your back was flush with his chest. You sucked in a breath at the new angle as Bucky began to quicken his pace.
“Bucky” was all you managed to say as his other hand found its way to your clit. Bucky began to furiously swipe circles on your throbbing clit with his thumb as he slammed himself in and out of you, the only sounds that filled the air were the heavy breaths you were taking and slopping sound as Bucky pounded into you over and over.
Bucky could feel you were close by the way you would squeeze around him, you felt him grin against you as he quickened the pace of his thumb around your sensitive bundle of nerves, you could feel the coil in your stomach building at an alarming pace and before you knew it you were hurtling toward your second orgasm.
Bucky had two choices as he felt you squeeze around you, he could follow closely behind like he so desperately wanted too or he could drag this out for a while longer, however as he felt you clench around him in the way that makes him loose his mind every god-damn time he decided to chase his own release and soon you felt the ropes of his hot seed spilling inside you.
Bucky stayed inside you for a moment before gently pulling out of you, he went into the bathroom and ran a bath with your favourite bath salts before coming back for you and gently easing you in the bath.
Steve had picked you up at 8pm sharp he had told you to dress a little fancy and that he was taking you to dinner and dancing. You sat in your small town’s fancy restaurant ran by a local Italian family “Mastriani’s” you had the table tucked away in the corner surrounded by fairy lights, a bottle of red wine between you. Dinner had been equiste a rich tomato pasta dish with a sprinkling of cheese. You were waiting for desert when Steve removed his hand from yours.
You didnt think anything of it your thoughts were elsewhere and then Suddenly Steve was on the floor on one knee. His shiny blue eyes looking at you with such adoration.
“Y/N” he began.
“I know its only been 8 short months, but I love you with my entire being. I talked to your dad, all you have to do is pick out a white dress and say yes. Y/N will you make me the happiest man in town and do me the honour of becoming my wife” Steve asked.
Your mind began to race, Steve was proposing, you would be crazy not to say yes. Sure he was a bit boring, and you two hadn’t even had sex yet but he was a safe choice. Steve looked at you with love and adoration. And suddenly you couldn’t breathe, all you could think of was Bucky. Your eyes filled with tears but this didn’t worry Steve he believed they were happy tears.
“I’m sorry” you mumbled. Steve just looked at you puzzled, not sure he had heard you correctly. He took your hand in his and squeezed it tight, in what he hoped was a reassuring measure. You pulled your hand back with speed you didn’t know you had.
“I’m sorry Steve, I cant say yes” you said dropping your napkin on the table and rushing out the restaurant. You tried to block out the gasps and stares from the people around you.
When you got to the front of the restaurant it was hammering down with rain. You didn’t care you slipped of your heels and took of running. Your heart hammering in your chest as your red dress stuck to you in the rain. The warm summer wind whipping around you only soaking you more. Your vision was becoming obscured as the rain ran down your face but you didnt care. You had to see him.
After a 10 minute run in the rain you found yourself at his door, his jeep was outside but that didnt nessicarily mean he was home or if he was that he was alone. Fear gripped your chest tightly for a moment but you had come this far, no point turning back. You hammered on his door, after no immediate signs of movement you hammered again.
 
Suddenly you felt all the adrenaline leave your body, convinced Bucky was in their with another womans. You ran back down the stairs as tears started to form in your eyes you had just made it to he bottom when the door behind you opened.
“Y/N?” Bucky questioned. Rubbing his eyes. You paused on the step.
“Uh-yeah, forget it, I’ve clearly made a mistake coming here” You said before you started to run off down the street in the direction you had just come from.
Bucky, in nothing but pyjama pants didn’t hesitate to chase after you, grabbing his keys from the bowl near the door.
“Y/N! Wait!” He screamed at you. You couldn’t help but freeze on the spot. Bucky closed the distance between you in a matter of moments.
“Whats the matter Y/N? Did someone hurt you?” Bucky asked his hands hovering over your arms before ultimately he dropped them down to his side.
“He proposed” you whispered. Bucky recoiled as if you’d slapped him, his bright blue eyes darkened with sadness, his brown hair darkened by the rain.
“I’m sure you’ll be very happy together” Bucky chuckled darkly.
He knew he hadn’t treated you the best when you were together but still it hurt the thought of Steve Rogers, golden boy touching his girl.
“I didn’t say yes” you said reaching for him. Bucky stood frozen in shock, why were you here then if not to rub it in his face that he had messed up his chance with you.
“When he proposed, all I could think was how it wasn’t you” your voice came out in a choke. Even now you were scared that he didn’t love you.
Bucky felt all the breath in him leave at once, he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. You mistook his silence as a bad thing.
“I miss everything about you Buck, I miss how you would moan at me for leaving the toothpaste cap off and how you could never find it. I miss the way your blue eyes would light up like Christmas anytime you met a cat. I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain, when its 2am and I’m cursing your name, because that’s the way I love you” you cried. All at once Bucky’s hands were on your face and his lips were crashing against yours. Rain poured down around you but in that moment all that existed was Bucky and you.
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I Don’t Think Were On Earth-65 Anymore Cop!Frank Castle x Spider!Reader
@jarvis-ismy-copilot @wolfmothar @marvelobsessedteen @majorcdanvers Summary: Jitterbug’s plan on getting home hits a few snags because of a vigilante that is all too familiar but also shockingly different. 
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Chapter ten
“This is the place.” 
Jitterbug looked through a dingy window to see a group of men walking around, multiple crates scattered in the warehouse. From what she could see one of them was open and full of high-tech machinery and weaponry. “You got a plan?”
Daredevil nodded, she still couldn’t believe it all. Working side by side with the doppelganger of a man who made her life a living hell. Well, she’ll have time to process the absurdity of it all when she got back to her dimension.
 “You go through the roof and web them up using your speed.” He explained. “And then I-” Suddenly Matt froze, his head tilted to the side as he listened to something she couldn’t hear. Jitterbug’s body went into overload and her hair stood on edge, the tell-tale sign of her spider-sense.
“Hey buddy, you wanna tell me what the hell is going on?” She looked around them and saw nothing, but she knew something was off.
Matt groaned. “Damnit Castle.”
Multiple gunshots rang throughout the building. A man had burst in and opened fire on the gang who quickly retaliated, turning it into a full blown fire-fight.
“New plan!” Jitterbug kicked in the window and sped into the building. “Stop everybody from killing each other!”
Jitterbug zipped into the building just in time to tackle a crook to the ground and out of gunfire. She narrowly avoided being shot by the man herself. Soon enough the gang was no longer focused on the mystery man, but her as well.
“What the fuck is that!” A thug screamed at her webbed mask.
She brought her fist down on his face, knocking him out instantly. “Save the dramatics mate.”
Daredevil ran over to the man and kicked the gun from his grasp. “Frank stop!”  At the name her head shot up to stare but Matt kicked him back, facing away from her and hiding his identity. “We have it handled.”
Jitterbug went around, immobilizing each criminal and dancing around the bullets as Matt fought the unknown assailant. She shook the thought from her head. There was no way, it just wasn’t possible! 
She looked over and saw them both still fighting. Matt was doing well to defend himself, but the man was better. He was taller, bulkier, and faster than the catholic vigilante. He definitely had training.  
The Matt from this dimension was completely different than the one she knew, so maybe...
“Hardly.” The man’s voice was rough and deep. It was one she’d heard every week, one telling her to leave it to the police, telling her to stay to fill out a police report and telling her to be careful.
She turned and shot a web at him, connecting his raised fist to the giant crate right next to him. He tried to wretch his hand free but to no avail. Matt set his hands on his hips and grinned, watching the man try to tear himself free with no success.
“You know, I could get used to this.”
The breathe was stolen right from Jitterbug’s lungs at the sight of Frank fucking Castle, covered in bruises and staring her down with harsh eyes. This Frank was stockier, covered in more scars but the same face and bulldog-frown. He wore no police uniform, but all black clothing and a vest with a white skull painted on that was now riddled with bullets.
“Frank?” She said his name so soft, so scared and confused that it shocked both men.
The Frank Castle she knew was an officer of the law, one who’d defend the justice system with his last breathe and criticize the masked heroes that help him in the same sentence. He openly dismissed vigilante justice as a nuisance and believed in the system he worked for.
Now she felt like she stepped right into an episode of Twilight Zone.
“Your girlfriend alright red?” Frank noticed how the masked woman tensed up when he looked at her. She shook herself out of her stupor, she had no time to stand and gape over the vigilante. (Even calling him that made her feel wrong.)
“I’m fine.” She snapped before walking right past him and to the crate he was connected to. “You aren’t my issue, that’s all him.” She waved a hand in DareDevil’s direction and Frank snorted.
“Well ain’t she peachy.” Christ, it was the same voice and everything.
Matt shot him a dirty look. “You’re lucky we got here when we did Frank. We had it covered and you-”
Frank rolled his eyes. Clearly the severity of the situation meant nothing to him.  Jitterbug noted the nicknames and first name basis the two were on. The banter between the two as they fought about their ideologies. 
I guess they've been through this with each other before.
“All you do it beat ‘em up and-” Frank looked around him and froze mid sentence.“Alright, that’s new.”
Each criminal was tied up tight in a cocoon of webbing, unconscious, immobilized and stuck to a wall.
“You're welcome for that, by the way.” Jitterbug ripped the top off the box with a single hand, something both Frank and Matt gaped at. She didn’t have time to get caught up on the fact that this dimension’s Frank didn’t blink an eye at killing. She needed to worry about getting home. “Now if you boys are done with your little dick measuring contest I have to-” She looked at the open box which was now full of shattered materials and bullet holes.
“Youve got to be fucking kidding me!”
“What?” Matt rushed to her side. “What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong?” She laughed mockingly before turning to face Frank with a nasty scowl. “What’s wrong is that your Frank Castle is an ass who just ruined my chances of getting home because he’s fucking trigger happy!”
He clenched his fist and let out a slow breathe, as if keeping his temper from snapping. “You want me to apologize for keeping those guns from hittin’ the streets? For keepin’ those criminals from killing more people?”
She groaned and pointed in his face. “No jackass, I want you to apologize for sending me to an early grave you-”
She remembered Gwen telling her that “glitching” felt like “being tazed naked in a snowstorm.” Which as odd as it sounded, was actually spot on to the agonizing pain she felt in that moment as her body distorted and burned. She didn’t know what the loud piercing sound was until she realized it was her own screaming. She stumbled to the floor and Matt caught her, ripping off her mask and looking at her groaning form.
“Jitterbug?” He pressed his fingers to her pulse and she patted his arm, letting him know she was find, well...as fine as she could be in the situation.
“Hey!” Frank tried to rip his hand free and run to her aid, but he was stuck as stuck can be. “Hey! What the hell is going on?!” As the sight of her screaming in pain, Frank went from anger to concern for the now unmasked heroine. “Red what the hell did you do!?”
“Me?” Matt shot back. “This wasn’t me at all. If anything your violent actions could have been the one to cause-”
“I’m fine.” She pushed herself out of Matt’s arms and upright, facing both men with a grim expression. “Just my atoms reacting to being in another dimension is all.”
Frank looked between her and Matt. “Your what?”
“We need to find a way to get me back, or else I’m gonna keep doing that.” She explained. “And eventually I wont get back up from it.”
“We will.” Daredevil promised her. With that she went to one of the boxes to see what she could salvage. Maybe she could put something together? All the materials were there, albeit dented and riddled with bullets but maybe she’d be able to get it to work just enough to return her home.
As Jitterbug pondered a plan Frank fisted daredevil’s costume in his hand and yanked him close, rage clear on his face.
“Start talking. Now.”
Me? Back from not posting for legit months? It’s more likely than you think folks. Anyways I’m terribly sorry for no posting for the past few months, school has been hell and then I’ll be starting more classes in like three weeks so I’m trying to get into the habit of posting once more before I accidentally go ghost again lmao. So I am going to start posting jitterbug chapters everyday until the entire fic is out on this blog for you all to read !!<3 still taking requests and still doing fics, I got a request for one about a child reader and frank with a PLATONIC found family type fic which is definitely in the works! Along with other things!!
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fixxofvixx · 5 years
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SNEAK PEEK!!
Since everyone has been soooooooooooooooooo patient with me as I work through my writing issues, I'm gonna post a 'chapter one' of a fic that i have had in my WIP for about 3 months (i know, I'm sorry)
But it is part of the vixx vampire series. It wont debut for a little while but it's something to read lol.
As a fun part, I have deleted the name of the member so maybe you guys can guess which of our attractive vixx vampires it is~ The name has been replaced with (??)
Thanks to a tiny sliver of inspiration, I am currently writing a new chapter of Vampire Leo. I've got a good start so cross your fingers it stays that way!!! 🤞🤞
🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️
You backed away from the man that was slowly advancing on you. His crimson eyes were watching you like a predator watches his prey.
"You don't need to be afraid, doll. I won't hurt you."
"Do you really think I would believe the words of a monster?"
"A monster? I just took the time out of my day to make sure that you got home safely. Do monsters do that?"
His voice almost sounded hurt but it also sounded more amused than anything.
"How would I know? I don't associate with many monsters." You continued to back away from him.
"But you know about them. You've known about them your whole life. Courtesy of your parents."
"What the hell do you think you know about me?"
"Such language for a lady. I know exactly who you are and you know what I am. Your parents made sure of that. But the stories they told you weren't exactly 100% true." Suddenly, he was right in front of you. You opened your mouth to scream but he covered your mouth with his hand as his arm wrapped around your waist to keep you from running. "Now, let's not scare anyone walking around. I told you before, you're in no danger."
When you were quiet he removed his hand and smiled. "That's my girl."
"I'm not your girl."
"But you could be. I'm sure your parents told you how important you are."
"They told me that vampires would come to kill me because I have some special type of blood. I'm assuming that's what you want."
"Well, darling, you're right. Partly, anyway. You do have a special type of blood but I'm not here to kill you."
"So, what exactly do you want?"
"You, of course." When you tensed he smiled. "I'm not going to kill you. But I do need you."
"Or more specifically, you need my blood."
"Clever girl." The man's eyes turned a brighter red. "But I can offer more than just the regular vampire who wants to suck you dry. With me you would stay alive and live quite comfortably. Other vampires would not hunt you. What do you say?"
You tried to back away from him but his arm around you was like a steel band.
"I think.....I don't really have a choice, do I?"
"Of course you do, beautiful. The key to all of this is that I need your permission to bite you. I can't take one delicious drop from you unless you tell me it's okay." He raised his hand to your neck and traced his finger down the skin there. Your heart lurched and a smirk appeared on his face.
"Are you serious? Since when have vampires been so generous."
"I'm not your average vampire, sweetheart. I'm royalty. And you're lucky I found you before those other vampires did. They've been following you, did you know that? I've destroyed so many vampires in the last few days that have tried to take you away from me."
"Following me?"
"Yes, it's my job to make sure you are alive and kicking. You are much safer with me than with anyone else."
"Oh, he's right about that."
The man holding you tensed and moved you to stand behind him. Peeking around his shoulder you saw at least four vampires closing in. You instinctively grabbed the man's arm, choosing the lesser of two evils.
"What in the hell do you want?" The man in front of you grabbed your wrist but the grip wasn't painful.
"You know what I want. It's the same thing you want except I probably wont be so gentle. You're outnumbered, (??). Give me your prize and I'll be on my way."
(??)? Well, at least you had his name now.
"I think you're mistaken about the outnumbered part. You obviously know who I am. So why don't you just run on outta here while I attend to my business?"
"I'm not leaving here until she's dead and dismembered!" The vampire charged at (??) quickly but (??) was faster.
In an instant, (??) pulled on your wrist and turned until you were flush against him again. Then, he ran to the end of the street faster than you could blink.
"I know you probably don't want to, but you're going to have to come with me for a bit."
Before you could answer yes or no, you were yanked backward onto the ground. You landed on your backside, pain shooting up your back. Bruising hands hauled you up to your feet.
"Good, now hold her still." You caught a glimpse of (??) fighting two vampires before your vision was blocked by the one who was threatening you earlier. "Now, baby, let's see how good that blood of yours really is."
The vampire pulled on the high collar of your blouse, ripping it off your shoulder in the process. You struggled against the vampire behind you but there was really no use in it. He was ten times stronger than you and pumped up on blood lust. In a last ditch effort, you used the vampire behind you to jump and kick at the vampire aiming for your throat. The action caught him off guard and sent him back a few steps.
It wasn't much but it gave (??) the time he needed to throw the two now dead vampires aside and lunge for the leader. (??) ran up behind him, grabbed his head and pulled it clean off. Your gasp turned into a scream when you felt the vampire behind you sink his teeth into your neck. You heard (??) curse as he ran for you. He pulled the vampire off of you and disposed of him too.
You could feel the blood pumping from your neck at a speed that was extremely dangerous and you raised your hand to the puncture wounds to try and stop it. (??) picked you up from the ground and removed your hand.
"Shit. Y/N, give me permission. Come on, sweetheart, I can't stop the bleeding unless you tell me I can! Quickly!" He was holding you tighter but you were getting colder. His voice was fading.
"I g-give you per-permission."
In an instant, (??) latched onto your neck. You could vaguely feel his tongue closing the wounds on your neck but darkness was already closing in.
"Just hang in there, beautiful. I've got you."
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I Take Your Heart On Tour with Me (Taehyung x You ONESHOT)
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A/N: I have been playing around the idea of writing a fic about how it would looks like if you actually date a celebrity or even worse an idol. It must be hard to date someone who isnt always around and is well know internationally, having millions other girls showing affection towards your loved one isnt it? Then the first two requests came in and I decided to combined it. Hope this fic will do justice to what I actually want to potray <3
And as for the third ask, I was really literally writing this last night when your request came in. Seriously, I'm shooked. Are you three anon the same perrson or are you just good at reading each others mind? :D
And to everyone out there who is in a long distance relationship and survives, you guys are my hero! I cant bare to be away even for a day from my significant other. Hahah.
MASTERLIST
"Happy birthday baby," Taehyung smiles at her. His beautiful unique smile that she loves so much. That she missed. Y/N wish she could touch his face, traced and feel the warmth of his skin against hers, inhaling his scent and hearing his laugh as his warm breath tickle her ears. She wished for that every day and she hopes that it will come true. Maybe some day it will. But for now, seeing Taehyung through the frosty screen of her computer is good enough.
"Thankyou baby," Y/N smiles although tears has already visited the corner of her eyes.
"What did you wish for baby?" Taehyung asks her, a sad smile grazing his face as he saw the love of his life being so sad on her special day. He wishes he was there. To hold her, touch her, hug her, kiss her, make love to her. He missed her more than any words could have ever explained.
"I... I wish that you are right here with me. Thats all I ever really wanted," Y/N sniffled and smile softly at the screen. Taehyung raised a hand and traced the screen of his laptop, wishing he was touching her soft skin instead.
"I'm really sorry baby. I cant be there with you. But you know I wanted that too more than anything in this world. I miss you too much Y/N. I love you," Taehyung looks at her, his usually piercing eyes turns soft.
"I know Tae and its okay. One day we will be together again," she smiles, not wanting to upset her beloved boyfriend. "And I miss you so so so much and I love you very much too Kim Taehyung,"
Taehyung smile at her declaration of love. He will never get tired of listening to it.
"I know you are sad I'm not there with you on your special day baby, but I did sent you your gifts. It should arrive any day now. So I hope it will make up for me not being there, even for a little bit,"
"Thanks baby. I will definitely let you know when it arrives. And no, nothing could ever compare to you Tae, no matter how many things you sent me,"
"Aww baby. I'm so sorry," he dropped his gaze, sad. "I need to go baby. We have sound check before the concert. I love you so much. I will call you after the show like always okay. Take care baby," Taehyung leans and kiss the camera, making Y/N giggles and he waves quickly before the screen goes blank.
This is how her relationship with Kim Taehyung is. Most of their relationships are made on texts, phone calls, video calls and Skype. But its okay, because they love each other too much. Its their fourth year of being together, and its also their fourth year of not being able to celebrate each other's birthday together. While Taehyung gets to celebrate his birthday with his brothers and his million fans all over the world, Y/N will wait patiently every year on this day for him to call and wish her, all from a computer screen.
Meeting and falling in love with Taehyung is never something she could have ever imagined would ever happened to her. Sure, she have heard of their band before, but she never dwell deep into them. Who they are, how they looks like. She just doesnt have the time. Being a medical student, Y/N is always busy. But its also because shes a medical student that fate brought her and Taehyung together. They met in a hospital one fateful day, when Y/N was covering a shift for her friend who suddenly had an emergency that day. Having a practical internship at a hospital is a part of her course as a medical student, and her day has never been more interesting than the day she saw Taehyung helping a limping Namjoon entering the hospital in panic.
Y/N was the first person he saw that looks like a doctor and he screamed at her to help his hyung without knowing that the hospital is a teaching hospital and shes only a student doctor who isnt allow to act on patients without a senior doctor. Panicking and almost crying from being yelled at so harshly by Taehyung, Y/N help to carry Namjoon to an emlty bed and examined him on her own, only to find out that that the older boy is only suffering from a crack toe, a result of being clumsy and accidentally kicked the dinner table, something that Y/N now knows happens a little too many times.
Y/N was in trouble with her supervisor that day. Not only she didnt informed any of her supervisors and work on a patient all by her own, she didnt even know that the members are considered VIP patients at the hospital and was supposed to be given the VIP treatment. After witnessing himself how Y/N gets yelled at because she helped Namjoon on her own due to his excessove anger and yelling, Taehyung felt guilty and tried his best to make up for it.
Friendly visits and apology dinners turns to friendship and in a matter of weeks, Taehyung and Y/N falls in love.
Its hard for the two of them, yes. Taehyung is barely in Seoul, flying all over the world, each trip taking him months. Even when he's home his schedule is extremely pack. And as a medical student approaching her final years, Y/N has to managed between hospital duty and extra early classes, assignments, exams and even research and presentations, and their schedule often clashes. They miss each other a lot, the love and the short memories that they have of each other are the only thing that keeps them holding on to one another.
Its hard to see someone you love and miss on TV, smiling and waving, holding hands and flirting with a million screaming girls. Y/N knows they are only his fan, but still, it hurts. Even worse when their relationship is not even public, making Taehyung single and available as far as everyone in the world knows. It hurts so much, but its the price to pay for dating someone amazing like Taehyung who always knows how to make her smile even from a million miles away.
Whenever they did get the chance to see each other however, the feeling she felt in her chest is magical, amazing and extraordinary, and thats how Y/N knows that Taehyung is worth fighting for. And she hopes Taehyung feels the same way too.
Every last goodbye, every kiss they shared before Taehyung had to hopped into a plane and leave her again hurts, not knowing when will be the next time they will see each other again. But just from the smile Taehyung gave her every time before he leaves makes her believe that Taehyung will come back to her again.
/////
"Who is she?!"
"Baby, I already told you shes just the actress for our music video," Taehyung sighed. Fighting over video calls is something both of them hate. Its tiring, exhausting, disappointing and it never ends. They tried to avoid it as much as they can, always convincing one another to believe in each other and wait until they will see each other again to solve it. But whats long distance relationship without the fights and jealousy right? And just like every other couple, the green eyes monster appeared once in a while to haunt them.
"Oh yeah? Then why are you looking so smug while you wipe off the ice cream from her lips huh? And that is definitely not a part of the video!" Y/N is furious. She came back after a 48 hours long shift to rest and relax only to find the news is littered with stories and photos of her boyfriend out on an ice cream date with an actress from their video. A oretty one too, looking at him with heart eyes. Of course the internet is going crazy, shipping the two good looking couple together, hoping the ship is real.
"Okay baby. I wont lie to you," Taehyung raised his eyes and looks at her through the screen. Eyes tired and sad. "We have gotten closer and I was just so lonely..."
"What?" Y/N looks at him straight in the eyes. What is Taehyung trying to tell her? "T-Tae.. are you trying to tell me that you really did cheat on me?!".
"What?!" Taehyung leans in closer to the screen, trying to see his beloved girl teary eyes. "Baby no! Of course not! I would never do that to you,"
"T-Then what are you trying to say?"
"I-" Taehyung sighed. "I-It occured to ny mind baby... I was so lonely and I missed you so much and she was just there and seems so interested in me.. and cheating on you just occured in my mind. But I didnt do it baby! I didnt do anything about it! I didnt a t on my feelings!"
"W-What?" Tears starts to flow down her face as her heart felt pain that is new and unbearable to her. How could Taehyung even thought of doing this to her? How could he?
"Baby, please stop crying. I'm sorry baby. I'm really sorry," Taehyung himself is crying now. He knows he didnt actually cheat but what he did is just as worse. How could he even think of that when he already have the most perfect girl in the world waiting for him? Sacrificing all her chances of being in a normal relationship for someone like him. And him? At the first chance he gets, he already thinks about cheating on her? He is really a jerk who dont deserve her. "Baby, I'm sorry. I was wrong. I know that. I shouldnt even have thought of that. It shouldnt even have crossed my mind. My loneliness gets too me but I suddenly remembered you. And how you must be just as lonely and sad like I do and its all my fault for not able to be with you all the time, but yet you never thought of shitty things like me. I am so sorry baby, please," Taehyung traced the screen, wanting so much to hug her, kiss her tears away and hold her until she believes that he truly loves her and only her and he wont ever do it again. But for now, all he can do is looks at the love of his life crying through a screen, all because of him, a thousand miles away. "Baby please... I didnt do anything about it baby, please.l," Taehyung begged.
"So just because you managed to hold yourself back this time I'm supposed to congratulate you?" Y/N sobs
"I- I cant do this. I need time to think,"
"Baby dont!" Taehyung panics. Never in their years of relationship has Y/N ever shut him out or needed space from him. He knows he screwed up real bad now. He still have 4 months to go for this tour and there is no way he can wait 4 months to sort this out. He will lose Y/N for sure. "P-Please baby. Ill do anything. Lets talk this out. Now. Dont log off. Dont shut me out please. Y/N baby please!"
"I cant Tae. I'm sorry," and the screen went blank.
"Fuckkkk!" Taehyung yelled out and pushed his laptop off the table in frustration. The loud noise it made caused Jimin to rushed into the room only to see Taehyung in a distressed state.
"Tae? What happened?"
"I fucked up Chim," Taehyung sat sprawled on the floor, everything scattered around him. "I think I will lose her forever and I cant have that,"
"Oh Tae..." Jimin didnt know what else to say. He figured it must have something to do with Y/N and the rumor flying around about Taehyung and the actress. So he sits down beside his best friend and hugs him tight, rubbing his back in comfort, listening to Taehyung's cries all night long.
/////
Its been three weeks now since Y/N didnt allow him to contact her and Taehyung is going crazy. His schedule passed by him like a dream, fanmeets, shoots, practices and performances but he cant remember a thing. All he can think about is Y/N's tear stained face everytime he closes his eyes. How can he be so stupid?
Its already bad enough to be in a long distance relationship where they are apart more than they will ever be together. Trust is already always an issues for couple suffering from long distance relationship, and with what he did, Y/N has every right more than ever to not trust him now.
Scrolling through her social media is the only thing he can do when he miss her, and even that she didnt update often. He miss her. He wants to know whats shes been up to, how shes doing, hows her day, did she sleep well? Eat well? Is she stressed out? What about her patients today? Taehyung wants to know everything and he misses the way Y/N would tell it to him every day during their calls. So if stalking her social media is the only way to do it, then he will gladly do it.
"Urgh, she doesnt even update!" Taehyung grumbled in frustration.
"Have you checked her tagged photos? Someone might tagged her so you could see her recent activities," Jungkook voiced out from the other bed, not even bothering to look up from his phone. Taehyung thought for a moment and silently thank the maknae for his brilliant idea. Hopeful, he opened the tagged photos tab and true to Jungkook's words, there are a tons of pictures of Y/N's recent activities.
Y/N with her friends in school, in their scrubs, having dinner, a birthday party and so on. She looks alright, Taehyung figured as he looks closely at beautiful her face. A little thinner and her smile is not so bright like it usually does and it her eyes definitely doesnr have the twnkle it usually holds. Does she perhaps missed him too? Thinks about him too? Just as much as he is?
I'm so sorry baby...
Taehyung scrolled further and a few photos caught his attention. Its still a photo of Y/N with a bunch of friends but theres a specific guy who is always by her side and in some photos even putting his arm around her. That bastard even captioned the photos with sickeningly sweet words.
What the hell? Dont he know that Y/N is his?
Wait, obviously he doesnt know because Taehyung didnt allow Y/N to tell anyone about their relationship. Y/N is as good as a single girl in other men's eyes! Curious and feeling his heartbeat is getting faster wuth anxiousness,  Taehyung clicked on the man's profile and learnt that the man is a doctor at her hospital and he obviously have a crush on Y/N. It irks Taehyung how he doesnt even hide the crush he has on his girl!
Sinister thoughts starts to enter Taehyung's mind. Words he didnt want to believe whispering in his ears. Did Y/N found his replacement? A better man? A nicer man? Someone who will always be around for her instead of travelling all over the world for most of the year? Someone who she can tell everyone about their relationship? Someone that is a doctor? A more noble job than he will ever be as an idol?
Someone that is not him?
Is that why she is so content about not contacting him for three whole weeks when Taehyung is practically dying over here?
Guilt and sadness starts to be replaced with anger and frustration and deep down Taehyung knows he shouldnt feel this way. He should talk aboit it and ask her, not jump into conclusions. He should trust that Y/N wouldnt so that and never assume. This is how long distance relationship goes to die; assuming the worse of each other, thinking about things that never actually happened, but the pictures and captions keeps playing in his mind, making Taehyung believe Y/N did forget about him and that man is the main reason.
Well, Taehyung sighed, anger and vengence slowly seeping through his vein, if she wants to cut all communication with him, then he can do it too.
/////
Y/N tossed and turned on her bed. Something shes been doing every night ever since her fight with Taehyung. She misses him beyond anything anyond could ever comprehend. She miss his voice, his laugh, the twinkle in his eyes when he talks about things that excites him, his childishness, his beautiful smile and most of all, the warmth in his eyes when he told her he loves her.
If Taehyung thinks she can bare with being apart from him for weeks, not hearing anything from him for weeks, then he is dead wrong. There was just so many times she wanted to click on the button and call him. To just say sorry and forget everything that has happened. But her heart hurt too much. How could Taehyung even thought about cheating on her? Yeah, he didnt, but he still thought about it. Doesnt that just means he will soon enough? Doesnt that mean he will if he is given a chance?
Y/N thought about it every single day for the three whole week they are apart. She went out with friends, try to live her daily life as normal as possible, not wanting people to see how upset she was. No one knows shes dating Kim Taehyung anyway, so what is she supposed to say if people asks her why shes so down? So she pretends to be happy, and every night when she came home, her pillows will be the only thing her tears can confide into. She thought about her relationship with Taehyung. Can the relationship still be saved if they fight for it? Worked for it? Maybe it cant? Maybe its already broken beyond repair? All the memories she shared with Taehyung, even though theres not many, it brings smiles to her face and happiness to heart, and thats how she knows that its all worth it. Their relationship is worth it and shes going to fight for him.
"T-Tae?"
"What do you want?" Taehyung's voice tone is cold, something he never used with her for all the years they have been together, and Y/N is scared. What happened to him for the past three weeks? Is he okay?
"I-I'm ready to talk about what happened. Can we talk?" Y/N held onto her phone tight, her knuckles turned white as she waits for Taehyung's answer. After a few seconds of silence, he laugh.
Taehyung laughed. Like what she said is the biggest joke he has ever enconuter.
"Oh so thats how its going to be huh? You talk when you are ready? And when you dont want to you just ran off to someone else?!" Taehyung's tone is menacing and sarcastic and it hurts her so much to hear it. She misses him and this is not the kind of conversation she thought they would have. This is not her Taehyung.
"T-Tae! Its not like that! I-I just need time to process what happened okay? I was hurt. I'm sorry I shut you out. But I'm ready now. Can we talk? Please? I miss you Tae," Y/N tried to explain, her voice small, hoping Taehyung could really hear the pain and longing in her voice. "And what do you mean by running off to someone else? You know I would never do that to you,"
"Miss me?" Taehyung scoffed and lets our a sarcastic laugh. "Are you sure about that? Why dont you just go with that guy whos been entertaining you for the last three weeks?"
"Tae! What are you even talking about?! You know you are the only one for me!" Y/N cried out, confused and scared of what he is saying. Why is Taehyung accusing her of things she never did?
"Yeah? Guess what, you are not the only one for me. In fact, you are not for me at all," Was Taehyung's answer. The answer that crushed her heart, her hope and all her beliefs.
And the line went dead.
The phone slipped out from Y/N's hand, crashing to the floor. Years. They have overcome everything for years. Everything that heads their way, every bullshit thats gets thrown to them, they faced it together. Their relationship is strong, something Y/N has always been proud of... but she guess its all a lie then. Taehyung has never been like this. They always, always, works things out no matter what. But there was never an issue that involved another woman before... maybe thats what change this time.
As Y/N collapsed on the floor, her legs no longer has the strength to stand, she finally realized.
Kim Taehyung has finally found someone else. Kim Taehyung has finally stop loving her. And its the worst feeling she could have imagined she would feel.
/////
All hope that its all in her head and Taehyung will come around are lost when just two days later, stories and images of Taehyung kissing the same actress he went on an ice cream date woth circulated in the news. So, it must be true then. That is why he said what he said.
Y/N might be a doctor, but this is the first time she understands how a heart really breaks.
Blinking back the tears, Y/N hold the pen in her hand tightly, the tip poise on the dotted line. The dotted line that will take her away from this hell once she signed her name. She has been contemplating the offer for months now, not wanting to be even further away from Taehyung than she already is, but what is there left to fight for if Taehyung himself has simply forgotten about her and move on?
Taking a deep breath, Y/N finally signed the contract and send it off.
No regrets Y/N. Lets start fresh without Kim Taehyung.
/////
"Wait, are you and Y/N even broken up? Whats with the kissing?!" Jimin shoved his phone in front of Taehyung's face, the b News article clear on the screen, confused as hell. What happened between them?
"I dont know,"
"You dont know?" Jimin looks at him funny. "You dont fucking know if you two are broken up but you shoved your tounge down her throat anyway? And even get it photographed?!"
"Shut up Jimin! I-I dont know okay!" Taehyung yelled and throw his phone across the wall, breaking it in the process. What have he done? Did he really want to break up with Y/N? No, he doesnt! He never did. No matter how angry he is, breaking up with Y/N was never an option. Its a big mistake. He was sad and angry and the girl is just there. God, what has he done? How could he do this to Y/N? His precious, beautiful angel Y/N?
"Well, if hyung dont know then, he sure knows now. There is no way in hell Y/N didnt think they have broken up once she saw those pictures," Jungkook chimed in, before quickly exiting when Jimin shot him a warning glare. At the maknae's word Taehyung finally got hit with a realization.
He truly has lost Y/N for good.
And theres nothing he can do about it.
/////
"So, I think all your fans wants to know, have any of you ever dated before?" The emcee asks, making the fans in the audience squeals. As usual, all the members will give out smiles and answer no, including Taehyung. Just another interview, another show and another same old question.
"Theres just one thing that I think everyone wants to know. If you were dating, do you think a long distance relationship will work? This type of relationship itself is already a challenge, but especially when you as an idol is so busy! What do you think?"
The members starts to sneak glances at Taehyung, all knowing about the recent incident that happened between him and Y/N. Although they try to be discreet, the emcee seems to noticed and smild.
"Oh, it seems like the members are all looking at V? Is he the best in relationship advice between the members?" The emcee turns to look at him. "So what do you think V? Want to share your thoughts?"
Taehyung smiles as he remembered the time he had with Y/N, all the good times. As if he didnt unofficially announced to her that he cheated by kissing someone else. As if he didnt break her heart. As if he didnt know the broken status of their relationship right now.
"Long distance relationship is already hard as it is," he smiles. "I respect those who managed to get through it. Especially busy ones,"
"So, what do you think is the key to maintain a relationship like that?" The emcee inquires. Taehyung took a moment before answering, the good and the bad moments of his own relationship flashes by in his mind  "Is it trust?"
"Personally, I think the most important thing is love. Yes, love. I think it plays a bigger part than trust,"
"Oh?" The emcee looks at him, intrigued by his answer. "Most people who answers this will usually say trust. Its because they said jealousy and miscommunications are the number one reason long distance couple breaks up. Its not often somebody will answer love. Can you explain more V?"
"Well," he smiles, eyes twinkling, the good old days he had with Y/N plays back in his head. "I admit. Jealousy and misscommunication does play a big part. But look at it this way, when you truly love someone so much, trust just comes hand in hand. You will feel jealous, yes. But when you love her too much, you will give her time to explain. You wpukd want to listen to her, because when you love her enough, how could you even think about ending it? Whatever the reasob may be? So theres no room for that isnt it?" He looks straight at the emcee. "You know love? That feeling you have when you see that someone smile. Like everything bad in your life will be okay, will be beautiful again. You dont have to do anything but just stay beside her and thats enough for you. When you see her cry, you will feel the need to protect her, chase away her sadness. You dont feel alone, you wont feel weak because that someone will always supports you no matter what. You could be extremely busy, but you will always find time for her because you want to listen to her day and you also want to tell her about yours. When you feel like this about someone, how can distance, space, jealousy and misscommunication breaks what you have? So yes, its love. If you love someone enough, theres no distance or space in the world that could separates you," Taehyung finishes with a smile and the rest of the boys and the audience are in awe. They never thought Taehyung could feel that way. And the boys know exactly who Taehyung is talking about.
"Wow! It seems like our V has been in love before! Or better yet, is in love?" The emcee grins at him, trying to see his reaction.  "The rumor thats been floating around about you and the actress must be true then? Especialy with the kiss. Awwww. She must be the one you are thinking about hmm?" The emcee smile warmly at him and Taehyung immediately frowned. All he can think about is Y/N. Y/N is the only one who could make him feel everything he just mentioned. The only one he would do the things he just mentioned for.
"No. I was talking about-"
"V is always so thoughtful. This is just his opinion on how long distance relationship for idols should be like," Namjoon cut him off and sent him a look that means not another word from him and the leader will handle the rest. Taehyung kept quiet for the rest of the interview, letting Namjoon takes over before he slipped out somerhing stupid again and his mind spins, remembering everything that he said. He slumped in his seat. Its too late anyway. Who is he kidding? Long distance relationship and an idol will never be a good combination. Never have and never will. Maybe thats the reason so many idol arent allowed to date. To save them from heartbreaks... The interview for the show ends with a mini fanmeet session, signing autograph and smiling for photos. Taehyung puts on his best smile and is doing his obligatory responsibility when a girl about his age stands in front of him, passing him her album to be signed.
"Thank you for what you said Taehyung," Taehyung looks up from the album to the fan who is smiling at him.
"You are welcome. But for what?" He titlted his head, confused to what she is implying.
"For what you said regarding the long distance relationship. My boyfriend and I almost calls it quits but after listening to you, I think I want to fight for him. For our relationship. I mean, if an idol can do it, why cant I right? And if we cant work it out, just like you said, it just means we are not in love enough with each other then. And if we dont, whats the point of being together in the first place right?" She smiles and bowed to him before moving on to the next member.
What that particular fan said to him stuck in his head for the whole day. She was right. If Taehyung lets Y/N go now, it just means that he never really love her in the first place. And Taehyung knows he does.
He loves Y/N.
Y/N who always waits for his call no matter how exhausted she is after a 48 hours shift. Y/N who gets along well with his friends. Who accepted his conditions on dating him. Who loves him for his quirky ways and not because hes some idol. Who thinks he is the best when hes at his worse. Y/N who never fail to supports him, love him, no matter how much he hurts her.
Taehyung is madly, deeply in love with her. And he needs to fight for her now and show her he loves her before he loose her forever.
"Go to her Tae," As if he is reading his mind, Jimin suddenly quiped in. Taehyung turns to look at his friend.
"I want to Chim. But how? We have 3 more months left of this tour," Taehyung looks to the floor. Running out of ideas of what to do.
"You will loose her if you wait Tae," Jimin walked over and pat his back. Taehyung fell silent, his gaze on the ground, knowing the truth to Jimin's words. "So thats why I already bought you a ticket. Your flight leave in 8 hours. Go Kim Taehyung. Get your girl and your happiness back!"
Taehyung has always been a good boy. Obidient and and not a rule breaker, but as he makes his way to the airport, breaking all rules and contracts, for the first time in his life, he doesnt  care. Because he knows, no matter what will happen to him later, at the end of the day, if he still have Y/N's love and support, he will be okay.
He needs to fight for her. He needs to feel all the things she makes him feel again. And Y/N is the only one who could give him those feelings, always and forever.
Once landed, Taehyung rushed out from the gate, not bothering to care about the people around him abd in his haste, he accidentally bumped into someone.
"Y/N?!" His eyes are wide open. How could this be? Is he dreaming right now? But her scent filled his nose and her skin thats touching him feel so warm that he knows its real.
"T-Taehyung?!" Y/N is just as shocked. Taehyung was not supposed to be back for another three months. She looks around and noticed something odd. "W-Wheres everyone else? Wheres your manager? Wheres your mask?!"
Taehyung doesnt care and grab her hand, making Y/N panics as people has start to notice that Kim Taehyung is in their mix.
"What are you doing? People doesnt know that we are together. I-I mean were together," she stuttered, eyes darting around, concious of people who are staring at them.
"No baby. I am still yours," he took her hands and kissed it, fluttering her heart. "Y/N I'm sorry. You have every right to be mad at me for even thinking about cheating. And what I said after that... thats not true. None of it were. You are always the one for me. The only one for me. No matter what happens, I will always choose you baby," he looks at her, who have her mouth wide open in shocked. "I'm sorry I let jealousy ruined us. We were so strong. Distance and space used to have nothing on us but I let them get the best of me. I'm sorry I kissed that girl. You can punish me in every possible way you can think of baby. I will willingly take it all. I will do everything it takes to make it up to you, as long as you are still mine,"
Y/N was dumbfounded.
"I-I dont know what to say. T-Tae, I didnt know that we still have a chance. I thought you are really over me,"
Taehyung shakes his head.
"Over you? That would never happen baby. Not in this lifetime. Or the next for that matter. Or ever," he chuckles. "Say you will give me a chance baby. You dont have to forgive me right now, you dont even have to forgive me ever, but please... give me a chance to prove to you how much I love you,"
"Tae.. I-"
"Wait. Where are you even going?" Taehyung just remembered where they were and how Y/N is holding her passport and having a carry on luggage with her. She is obviously on her way to board a plane. His heart suddenly filled with panic, palms turned sweaty.
"I-I'm going away as a part of a medical team... in a far away place... to help the poor and the sick..."
"W-What? H-How long baby?"
"A year, minimum,"
"A year?! And you didnt think to tell me this when we were together?!" Taehyung was shocked. This is too much to take in right now. How can she not discuss this with him first.
"I-I never planned to accept it while we were together. I dont want to be further away from you than I already is... but I figured you have forgotten about me and moved on. So I finally decide to do something for myself instead of always doing things for the relationship,"
What Y/N said hits home. Its true. Y/N is always the one who sacrifice everything for their relationship, and Taehyung will soaked it all up, thinking he deserves it just because he is a hardworking idol. He forgots sometimes that what Y/N do is so much noble and harder than what he will ever be able to do. She saves live on the daily, sacrificing time and energy for other people who sometimes cant even say one word of thanks, and she still accepted a selfish boyfriend like him. Taehyung is selfish, and he realizes it now.
He needs to let her go and maybe someday she will come back to him.
Through teary eyes Taehyung smile. "You are an angel baby. And I'm sorry I'm always clipping your wings down. This time I'm setting you free. Go Y/N. Go and live your life. For your own happiness, for what you really want this time," he smiles at her, causing Y/N to cry too. "I love you. I love you so much," he tucked her stray hair behind her ears, cupping her face. "I love you and I'm sorry. But I promise you I will wait for you. All these years you have been waiting for me as I spread my wings, cheering me on from the ground, always smiling, never once tried to bring me down. You are selfless and incredible, and its because of you that our relationship is even able to last this long. This time.... I'll be the one that going to be cheering you on. Spread your wings and fly baby and when you come back, I will still be here,"
"Y-You promise?" Y/N sobs, her shoulders shaking. Can she do this? Now that Taehyung is back, right in front of her eyes, can she be strong and leave him? For herself? Taehyung smile through wet eyes as tears rolls down his cheeks and nodded.
"I will. Because," he takes his hand and place it on her heart, "no matter where you are or where I'll be, you will always brings my heart here..." he tapped her chest where her heart supposed to be with her hand, "with you. I gave you my heart Y/N, and you have never given it back. Take care of it," he smiles warmly at her. Y/N continues to cry, hugging his hand close to her heart.
"A-And you Taehyung, you have my heart too. Forever an always, its only yours," she sobbed.
"And I'll carry your heart on tour with me baby, or wherever else I will go," he smiles and laugh. "I love you L/N Y/N,"
"I love you Kim Taehyung,"
Taehyung cups her face and leans in, kissing her with everything that he has. She might be leaving now, but he is sure she will come back to him. Afterall, he has her heart and she needs to get it back someday.
2 Years Later
"Tae! Go and open the door! It must be the pizza!" Namjoon yelled from his room. Taehyung takes quick steps towards the door, he himself being hungry after a whole day of practice. Its been two years since he last heard from Y/N, but he saw her on the news occasionally, helping people who needs it, and he couldnt be more proud to say that thats his girl. He has made an official statement after the photos of him and Y/N at the airport are released. He admits thats hes is on love, long distance relationship almost gets to him and he is currently waiting for his angel to come back from saving the world. They might not be communicating with each other,and they are a million miles apart, but Taehyung firmly believes that their feelings for each other remains the same. He is not even a bit worried. Not at all.
Taehyung opens the door, expecting the pizza man with a stack of delicious hot pizza but he gets the shocked of his life instead.
"Hi. I'm looking for Kim Taehyung," she smiles. "I think he left his heart with me and I need to tell him that its still under a good care,"
And that smile she gave him is forever going to be the most beautiful smile Taehyung will ever see.
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pippa-frost · 5 years
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Hi! OMG just arrived on this blog and has all the stuff I love 😭 you're such an AMAZING artist OMG. Your art is stunning girl! Your Ososan and TS drawings give me doki dokis ❤️❤️ And Karamatsu it's your Favorite Matsu too? 😭😭💙💙💙 OH GOD. The question, gosh, almost forgot >.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! MYYY EMOOOTIOOONSSS!!!! UGH I’M SO SORRY FOR THIS LATE REPLY!!!! AHHHH AND YOUR WORDS JUST FILL ME WITH HAPPINESS HOLY SHIT!!!! MY HEAAAART!!! AHHHHHHHH I’M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!!!
God i feel like a jerk! i’m soooo sorry this is probably so late! i haven’t logged in in forever!!!! I just happened to log in today cause i just needed to get a little fic idea out of my chest (is a new fandom tho, not oso san or SS, sorry :C), so i’m really sorry for taking so long! and you have nooo idea how happy you just made me! ugh i had so many asks and they’re all making me so happy!! i had actually forgotten how it felt to be logged in again!!! 
And HELL YEAH Kara is my fave!! have you seen him?!?!?! ugh. i love him. And i have so many ideaaaaas for him!!! but still it will all come once the year is over, so if you send an ask (you or anyone who is reading this) i wont be ignoring you, it’s just that i won’t be logging in for a long time, i WILL answer, ALLWAYS, but it might take me months until i do so.
Oh no sweetie don’t worry! I wouldn’t have been able to tell at all! besides my mother lenguage is Spanish and i haven’t written anything in ages so my english is kind of rusty!
Hmm, let’s se, I learnt about Oso san through a friend, se watched anime like i did and she introduced me to the fandom. It was hilarious cause i’m really picky about drawing quality when it comes to anime. Like, the plot can be freaking amazing, but if i don’t like the drawing style it’s reaaaally hard it to get my vote hahaha. So she showed it to me and another friend, and seeing as it hardly has any continuous plot, she made sure to show us the funniest episodes first. I could be wrong, but i think it was the one when the hearter goes out, and maybeeee we saw the saw parodies as well (could be wrong tho) (also whoa this will get real long real fast, hope you don’t mind!) Now, up till that point i had heard and seen stuff about them, and i was one more person who was like “the hell are people suddenly fanart-ing several Nobitas all of a sudden?” and i never liked nobita (because of the drawing most of all actually).
And the FIRST thing that happened when i watched it was (besides having no fucking idea who was talking at any given time, like they are all the fucking same drawing! and they were together all the time so i couldn’t even get time enough to relate one color (cause that was the only way my mind could at least try to separate them) to one specific voice) was Karamatsu. He was SO FUCKING CRINGEY (PAINFUUUUUULLLLL) (and see, my brother and i actually have always been embarrased very easily by stuff, like since we were kids whenever something really, REALLY cringey was happening we actually turned to another channel while we waited for the embarrassing bit to pass, so it was freaking TORTURE to me), BUT!!! HE WAS SO FREAKING SWEET!!!! (i think we also watched the letters for the fish bit too but i’m not sure) AND EVERYONE TREATED HIM SO BADDLY!!! And i could see he was a big brother type from the start, which is always my favourite trait (i’m an older sister, guess it just gets to me, dont know).
So, anyway, i was hooked. I got home and started watching them even tho i hated the drawing style on principle, and this was on the weekend (he had had a sleepover at my friend’s place), but it was so fucking HILARIOUS! just so freaking clever, i couldn’t stop laughing, i just couldn’t! And Kara actually made me more resilient to cringeyness, like now we’re watching movies with my brother i can actually watch the embarrassing parts while he leaves the room XD; and by monday i was already practising drawing them in class with my friend watching with a smug look hahahaha . I think the first i started to draw was Jyushi actually. I just loved him! But it was Kara the one that stuck. 
Ahh... this actually made me really happy, good times and good memories *wipes tear*
And sander sides... actually i found it through vine videos on youtube. I would watch compilations to laugh on my free time and then through recomendations i found the video with Virgil and Roman talking Disney movies and i was hooked. I mean, Thomas is just a wonderful being, cute, sweet, and hilarious af, and this was DISNEY MOVIES CONSPIRACIES, and i have anxiety, so it caught me right away and went to look for other videos with Anxiety there and well. It made my like happier. Seriously. 
Just like the rest of fandoms i havent seen any of it in a long time! I know there’s a new video, it’s been out fora while, but i never got around to watch it, and to be honest, i’m actually avoiding all these things, cause i want to truly enjoy them and be able to draw and write and just be around everything and i know i won’t be until i’m done with this year, so i’d rather get up to date with everything once i feel at ease enough to do so.
Anyway, sorry for the long reply hahaha, and thank you sooo much for your ask, it actually just made my day!
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Hi my lovelies! I've been working on this Jemily college AU fic for awhile now. I'd love feedback! This is the first fic I've written in maybe 10 years, so please be gentile (but constructive if you've got any advice 😊 ). There will probably be 2 more chapters, so let me know if youd like to be tagged.
Thank you so much @books-cats-fandom for helping me with this and putting up with my whining. You're the best ❤. Also thank you to @bi-ssaemilyprentiss and @cicinicole-14 for being willing to read this for me!
There are no warnings. This is complete fluff. _____________________
Emily had a knack for not being able to sleep at night. For some reason all of the days events and tomorrows worries plagued her in the waning hours of darkness. As she laid in bed she couldn't help but feel anxious about what the new day would bring. She had midterms coming up, an eventual graduation, figuring out what to do next, and "real world" problems on the horizon. The main things dominating her thoughts tonight however? Jennifer Jareau. She and JJ had been mutual acquaintances for about a year now. Going to the same parties. Taking the same classes. But in the last three months they've become really close friends. They tell each other just about everything. Em even told her how it was hard for her to grow up moving around and how she had a hard time making friends. JJ told her how she was born prematurely and they doctors thought she wouldnt make it. They usually ended each day talking to each other. It was a nice occurrence for Emily. University life can be quite lonely sometimes.
Her phone lights up. "Speak of the devil". She thinks.
"How many pages should that paper be again?"
Emily looks at the clock. Its 3 AM. No rest for the wicked huh? "Umm, what are you doing awake? We have class at 9 tomorrow. You better be there, seeing your gorgeous face is the only thing that makes that class bearable."
"I've gotta finish this paper. Have you ever known me to skip class? You know me better than that! Wait....what are you doing awake?"
"Just thinking.."
"Thinking about what?"
"What happened today. With Caleb....I can't believe he asked you out, just like that, with all of those people standing there. With me standing there."
"Yeah, I was...taken off guard, that's for sure. I don't like him like that..."
"Then why did you agree to go?"
"Hes a nice guy, and I was so shocked, I just kind of nodded.....hey! I've got an idea, why dont you come with us?"
"Come with you on the date? Um, no thanks Jay, I dont want to be a third wheel."
"Then bring your own date. Theres gotta be SOMEONE you're interested in. "
"Well, there is someone I'm interested in, but I dont know how they feel about me and...idk"
"I'm sure they'll say yes if you ask them. You're so smart, and beautiful, and caring, and did I mention beautiful? Anyone would be lucky to date you."
Emily feels her heart skip a beat. Damn. She really knew how to get to her. "No, I dont think that's the best idea."
"Awww come on! At least tell me who it is!"
"You're getting distracted. Do your paper and get some sleep babe. You've gotta take care of yourself."
"Okay. Okay. Fine. But dont think I'll forget about this conversation. I want answers as to who's stolen your heart, Emily Prentiss."
Emily sighs, smiling into her phone. "Go to sleep. Goodnight ❤"
"Goodnight, lovely ❤"
____________________________________________
The next day Prentiss ran into class a few minutes before it started and was disappointed when all the seats next to JJ were taken.
"You were almost late 😂"
"Sush! You're the one texting in class 🙊"
"Umm, you just texted be back though."
"You're such a brat! 😂"
The professor then passed out a test that took the rest of the period. Emily took longer to complete it and by time she was done, JJ had already left. She wasnt sure why, but she felt a little disappointed when she walked out of the classroom and JJ wasnt there waiting for her. After a moment Emily was able to shake off her disappointment, she needed to go talk to a different professor and if she didnt leave now she would miss her. As she rounded the corner to her professors office she saw a little blonde head peak out from a door across the hall. She couldnt hide the smile that came across her face. Her professor was just on her way out of her office so Emily asked her question quickly and her professor left.
Suddenly JJ was behind her, "hey there." She said with a smirk playing on her lips.
"Hey you."
"How did you do on that test?"
"It was rough right?"
"Oh sush. You always get perfect grades."
"Umm so do you!" Emily said, leaning against the hall wall. JJ didnt say anything and just stared at Emily. After a few moment the blonde reaches over the space separating the two. Emily had been looking down at her boots as JJ gently lifted her chin.
"You're so beautiful." She said as she gently caressed Em's cheek. "And your skin is so soft." Emily blushed a little and then put her hand over JJ's, enjoying the touch. Emily was a little touch starved. Her mother wasnt the most nurturing parent and she hadn't dated anyone in a long time.
"Look at you though. Your eyes are my favorite color. Vast. Clear. Beautiful. Just like you." JJ smiled, making Emily's heart beat just a little bit faster. What was that about? She thought. Just as quickly as it happened, JJ pulled her hand back, leaving that spot on her cheek feeling cold, "oh shit, I'm going to be late! I'll talk to you later!" And with that, the blonde glided away, leaving Em, smiling and gently touching her cheek.
After class had finished that day Em had to go to work and then straight home to do homework. As she lay in bed that night, thinking yet again of Jennifer Jareau. She was notoriously good at overanalyzing everything. Tonight? The cheek caress. Why did she do that? What did it mean? Sure, they have been touchy before, mostly sitting close and brushing against each other, but this? This was so....blatant. This was so new. Emily is wrapped up in these thoughts when she gets a text, "Hey, party this Saturday. I'll go if you go!"
"Wait, you mean the infamous homebody Jennifer Jareau is going to a party this weekend? I'm so there!"
"We'll see who's infamous after this weekend. 😉" another text "you should bring that guy you were telling me about the other night. I need to meet him!"
"You know them better than you think..." Em typed, feeling her heart rate speed up. It was about time she admit to herself that she had feelings for JJ. How is that possible? She'd never had feelings for another woman before....
"Oh come on Em! Just tell me who they are! Maybe I could help them fall in love with you! It's such an easy thing to do! 😉"
Em sighed. It was about time to just admit her feelings. Maybe theyd go away if she just got it over with. Another text, "who is ittt?"
After taking a big breath, she types out, "it's you... " she closes her eyes and presses send. Her heart is beating so loudly she cant hear anything else.
"Oh, Em, I'm flattered. I'm just not in the position to be in a relationship right now...."
"That's okay! It honestly just feels good to get it off of my chest..."
"Babe. This wont affect anything. I promise. I want you to always be able to tell me the truth."
"Okay....good...I'll see you Saturday?"
"Yes! I'll see you Saturday! Be ready for a party!"
____________________________________________
If you've made it this far, thank you ❤ I appreciate you. If I'm being honest, I am writing this for a personal reason to help me deal with something that happened in my real life. So far it has been very cathartic.
I'm tagging @prentissisthebestest @mullinscarousel @unleash-the-doves @unitchiefwives @puke-and-nutballs @emily-prentiss-is-bea @blondeandbrunetteshipper @just-take-a-moment-and-dream @nekocrocs @magnificentperfectionmiracle @sunnysaysbookreviews @soul-disposition @katiealyssa96 @mikan-chan-the-obsess @oakleygartner @feelingsbutnofeelings @ryker-the-pta-mom becuase you all said you'd like to read this when I asked in a previous post. If you dont want to be tagged in the next chapters, just let me know. I'll understand. I hope you enjoyed it :)
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sns-tropes · 7 years
Text
fic: my heart held in your hands - chapter 3
Chapter 1, Chapter 2
summary:   The war is over and Sasuke finally comes home. But Konoha wont let a missing-nin back into their midst without leashing him first. Naruto sticks by his side the whole time.
pairing: sasuke/naruto (ninja!verse) post-698
rating: Mature
word count: 2,088
warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, panic attacks, eventual explicit content in later chapters
Things seem easier after they talk on the dock. There’s some mystery about what’s going to happen looming in the air, but they’re not fighting. They haven’t in a while. Sasuke feels like he can relax now. But he’s still not sure what he wants. He just knows there’s no way he’ll be able to live a life not being a shinobi.
And Naruto feels like he should make the best of the time they have before Sasuke decides to do whatever it is he’s going to do.
 He’s thought about going with him if he does leave, but only as a thought. He couldn’t really do it. There’s too much in Konoha that he could never leave behind.
But they noticed a shift in each other. There was something lingering underneath the surface. Sasuke noticed that Naruto was hyper-aware in a sense. He was constantly tense, anxiety wracking him more often than not. And Naruto noticed that Sasuke was overly-attentive. Not in a bad way. Well, kind of in a bad way. He was acting like Naruto was going to bust out into tears every second of everyday. Which sometimes he did.
The check-ups get easier. Ayako isn’t so rude after a few weeks. What Naruto is noticing is that Ayako and Sasuke have very similar personalities, and it sort of frightens him. She isn’t so forceful. In a way she’s starting to understand him. Not like Naruto does. But like a teacher understands an unruly student.
This meeting was late at night. Not their usual. They weren’t sure what time it was, but when Ayako left, Naruto had an urge to talk.
“Do you wanna talk?” He feels like it sounds stupid.
Sasuke eyes him curiously. “Talk?” He chuckles. He’s in a good mood, Naruto can tell. “Since when do we do that?”
Naruto smiles. They don’t. He’s right. They’ve never really exchanged too many words at a time. Maybe it’s because they’ve never really needed them. Sasuke’s eyes are glistening with something and he can’t quite tell what it is. It’s comforting though. Sometimes Naruto feels like he is talking when they look at each other. Almost like he can read his mind.
They move around Naruto’s apartment silently. They’re moving around each other without much thought. Sasuke showers first because he’s fast. Naruto after because he likes to let the water run over him for as long as possible. He comes out to Sasuke studying a scroll that Ayako had brought him. It looks old.
“Naruto.” He says, without turning around to look at him.
Naruto flops down on his bed and says, “Hm?”
Naruto feels like he takes forever to put the scroll away and stride over to the bad and sit on its edge.
“I’ve been thinking.” Naruto waits, expression urging him to continue. “That I could join the Anbu forces.”
Naruto feels like the breath has been punched out of him at the words.
“Really?” He sounds like he can’t believe it. “I mean…” He isn’t sure if he should mention it, but he does anyway. “Wasn’t Itachi…?”
“He was.” Sasuke cuts him off. “I think I could…” He’s struggling with the words. “I think I could be better.”
Naruto knows a thing or two about the Anbu, expressed to him in confidence by Kakashi.
“Sasuke, the Anbu… It’s pretty brutal.” He didn’t know why he was saying this. Sasuke is brutal.
He doesn’t respond, just laughs. Naruto laughs too. This means he’s not really leaving.
“Ayako said I can go through the evaluation process in a month.”
Naruto can’t contain it. He lunges up and hugs him. Really hugs him. And in the back of his mind he’s expecting Sasuke to pull away. To push him off and call him an idiot. He doesn’t. Naruto is laughing, practically choking on how happy he is. Sasuke pulls back enough to look at him. His eyes are wet.
“Are you gonna fucking cry?” Sasuke exclaims, laughing. “Don’t you dare.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s your fault anyway.” A tear falls.
“Idiot.” He whispers, and lets Naruto fall into him, nuzzling into his neck.
Naruto goes on his first mission since the war one afternoon with his fully functioning, chakra fueled prosthetic. He’s ready to get back out there because he’s strong. Stronger than Sasuke ever was. Sasuke would never admit it, but he’s feeling separation anxiety. When the sun goes down, Naruto’s not there to be weird. He always gets weird and sentimental and giggly at night but there’s none of that right now. 
He wishes there was some way to say goodnight to him as he lays his head on his side of the bed, feeling the absence of Naruto beside him.
He went years without him. Years. But now he can’t imagine being apart.
He barely sleeps. 
 Naruto comes home late at night after three whole days and Sasuke can’t stop looking at his arm. He just can’t stop staring at it. The first thing Naruto does after greeting Sasuke is take a shower. He comes out with some sleep pants on and a towel draped around his shoulders. Sasuke sees where the prosthetic connects to his limb. It looks morbid, like it isn’t supposed to be there.
“Does it come off?” He asks suddenly, without thinking.
Naruto looks up, expression soft. “Yeah… It does.”
Sasuke watches as Naruto goes through the process of taking it off. It takes a minute, looks complicated. It looks like it takes a lot of chakra to sync it and unsync it with your body.
They’ve made the same one for Sasuke. He’s been avoiding it. He doesn’t know why. It’s hard living like this, with one arm. But it’s a reminder. A reminder of what it took to get here. He doesn’t want to act like that’s nothing.
He didn’t ask Naruto to take it off, but he wanted him to. And Naruto did exactly that.
“Better?” Naruto asks genuinely.
Sasuke touches his shoulder. The angle is awkward. Every which way they touch is awkward nowadays. He runs his fingertips down to the end of the appendage. It’s odd for him to touch someone so much. To be touched so much. But he finds himself starved. Like he’s been missing out this whole time. It feels painful to think of the days where he sat hiding out all alone, with no one there to console him.
He’s never been physical with anyone, not really. But he’s not shy, and he’s never hesitant when there’s something that he wants. He’s isn’t going to hold back from feeding his curiosity. But he’s still hesitant, because it’s Naruto. His touch wavers slightly and he starts to pulls away.
Naruto knows what’s buzzing around in that fucked up head of his. He takes Sasuke’s hand and places it on his chest where his heart is pounding hard. “It’s okay.” He says softly, like he’s sad about something. “You can touch me.”
But Sasuke pulls away. That’s what he’s best at. But Naruto is an expert at Sasuke. He pulls him back to him. Hand in hand. Naruto steps in and crowds him. He nuzzles in close, voice in a hesitant whisper at the shell of Sasuke’s ear.
“Can I touch you?”
Sasuke feels a shudder run through him. He wants to tell Naruto to shut the hell up and get the fuck off of him; that’s what he’s used to. But his heart tenses up. He’s being pulled in by him. His body is radiating with nervousness because that’s exactly what he wants. He wants Naruto to reach out and just touch him. He wants to feel. For the first time in forever he wants to connect.
Naruto hand smoothes over the span of his broad, toned chest. He’s careful. Sasuke hasn’t given him verbal permission yet, but he can feel the way the touch makes him tremble. The hand snakes around his back and drags him in.
They’re so close. Face to face, eyes half-lidded. Naruto is breathing heavy. “Sasuke…” He whispers. Just his name.
Sasuke can’t help the uncharacteristic sound that escapes him. It’s almost a whimper. He doesn’t want to say yes. He doesn’t want to say okay. He just wants. He’s on fire with want, and it’s caused by the one person he least expected it from.
He leans in just a little bit. Barely an inch. It’s a hint. A silent plea to encourage Naruto further.
“Yeah?” Naruto asks carefully, trying to calm himself as he tilts his head up.
Sasuke just nods because it’s the only way to get what he wants without saying it out loud.
The press of Naruto’s lips is so soft that Sasuke’s heart hurts. It’s so painfully slow. Naruto is holding back. He doesn’t want to scare him away. But there’s a fire in Sasuke that’s ignited so fast and bright that he doesn’t want to hold back.
Sasuke presses further, folding into him. Telling him to take. And Naruto can’t deny him anything. He’s wanted to touch him for so long, and to have him here in his arms is making him dizzy. He parts his lips ever so slightly to test the waters, breathing hard through his nose. Sasuke is all too eager to open up for him. Naruto gasps at the feel of Sasuke’s tongue against his own.
Sasuke feels like he’s gaining new life through his touch. He pulls at Naruto’s hand and guides to the hem of his shirt. They pull it off together. They’re chest to chest in Naruto’s small apartment and Naruto just wants to take him apart just so he can put him back together again. He just hopes he’ll let him.
Naruto pushes his forcefully onto the mattress and covers his body with his own, finding his lips with a new vigor. He forces his leg in-between Sasuke’s and presses his thigh purposefully in-between his legs. Sasuke lets out a gasp like he’s never been touched in his life.
‘He probably hasn’t’ Naruto thinks to himself. Then again, Naruto hast been either. But he doesn’t know if he wants to go that far. Not yet.
He dispels the thought as he grinds down with more purpose, earning a hitch in Sasuke’s breath. Sasuke’s pulling at Naruto’s sleep pants right around the waist. He wants to go there. Naruto lets him pull them off his waist and kicks them the rest of the way off with much effort.
He pulls back and sits up on his knees, taking in the sight of Sasuke. He’s flushed, arm laying limp. His dark hair falls over the pillow. He’s looking at Naruto with such trust in his eyes. Like he’s giving him something important. He wants to share this with him. Naruto heart swells at the sight.
He takes them off slow, leaving them both in their boxers. For a moment, they just look.
“Naruto.” Sasuke chokes out, and reaches toward him, like he’s too far away and needs him back.
Naruto goes back to him like he can’t believe he ever put that much distance between them in the first place. There’s only a thin layer of clothing between them now. They become desperate, rutting against each other as if the other might disappear at any moment.
Sasuke is pushing up against him like he’s craving more control. Naruto thinks of a compromise and flips them over, sitting up against the headboard. Sasuke is perched over him, legs spread apart.
It’s quiet. Naruto reaches over to flip the lamp off.
Sasuke brings his hand up to his face and traces all the curves of his features to the edge of his lips. Naruto breathes deep. As his eyes adjust Sasuke looks so vulnerable in his lap. His eyes are wet, tears threatening to spill over his cheeks. Everything he never let himself feel is written all over his face. All the pain he caused and all the pain he’s endured is visible in his eyes.
Naruto wants to protect Sasuke’s heart from it forever. He leans and kisses him softly. So softly that it’s barely there. He touches his face to find the wetness of the tears finally falling. ‘He needs to cry,’ Naruto thinks.
Naruto pulls him in, embracing him tightly and Sasuke can hardly breathe. He lets go, allowing himself to cry into Naruto’s shoulder.
“I’m here.” Naruto whispers. “I’ve always been here.
Sasuke lets out a wrecked sob, and Naruto can’t hold onto him tight enough.
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onlyonewoman · 7 years
Text
Shipping skills, lonely sailors & the love for a fandom
I came to the Black Sails fandom pit quite late. I started watching the show with my common-law spouse when we’d finished binge watching  season 1-3 of Game Of Thrones summer 2013 and asked ourselves what to do with our lives now. Well, since we had HBO and wasn’t gonna cancel it for ten months before we’d explored the supply a bit more, why not look up those series we might have a common interest for. Namely political humour and history. So, we decided for Last Week Tonight with John Oliver and our old favourite Bill Maher on the political humour side and then Vikings and Black Sails on the history side. Since both series had the entire first season available, we could binge watch, which is exactly the way we both prefer. We are nerds and nerds will be nerding (yes, we actually use that made-up verb). We don’t have kids and we don’t want any, we’re both past thirty and to dwell in our books, movies, TV shows, video games and creative stuff is the central part of our relationship. We’ve lived together for more than ten years and literally the best thing on Earth for us, is when we both have a bunch of shows we’re following, sometimes together and sometimes each of us for ourselves, because that makes us happy. I mean, my c-l spouse is literally looking forward for the next release in the GoT book series, even if I’m the only one of us reading it… That’s about how important nerding is to us. Anyhow, Black Sails… At first I found it very hard to get into the show. The first five episodes or so, we were sometimes rightdown annoyed with the series. It’s only eight episodes in the first season, which made it even more irritating. Our impression after watching the first season was ”meh, at least it’s an historical show”.  At the time, I didn’t know what a fandom was… Or fanfics at all. I had definately NOT heard the word ”shipping”. When the second season came, we both got more hooked and I was absolutely stunned by the James/Thomas kissing scene, just sitting there gaping like a fool and my c-l spouse was like ”here we go again with the guys kissing guys stuff… I’ll just sit here and wait for my nerd to calm down”. I was still not into fandom at all, but later on, when season three came I finally got really, really hooked. I alredy knew very well that Vane would die sooner or later, maybe not in that season but c’mon, it’s pirate history and no matter how mixed up it is with fictional characters from TI and entirely new written for the show, anyone with a little knowledge about pirate history, knows that this wont end well for all the main characters. I was still very emotionally taken from the third season and when it was over I was in a period in life where I was out of a job for the first time in many years. I had a very difficult time to relax (I was quite ill from stress, but didn’t understand that until later) and since I felt empty, you know the way you can feel when your feelings have been built up a long time during a show and then suddenly it’s just over and you just sit there thinking ”what the fuck happened”. At least I can feel like that, so I started to re-watch season three. And then I realised there were loose ends I didn’t remember, so I re-watched the second season and then season three again. Which lead me to the conclusion that I probably had to re-watch season one as well – and of course continue with two and three. In total, I watched five seasons in this order: 3-2-1-2-3, catching up on all the little details I never see when I watch a show for the first time. Then, I started to search for reviews and interviews about the show and one day the almighty Google lead me to musemm and shinmaya-aka-fred on tumblr where I stumbled upon Blint. And I was like: what have I missed? No, this can’t be right… Flint and Billy, how could anyone even…? I have to re-watch this shit again. And while re-watching I sorta slipped into AO3 as well (thank you musemm, you lead me there without knowing it!) and I wrote my first fic The Savior (heavily inspired by ”Home is where he is” by @shinmaya-aka-fred​ ). At first it felt extremely strange to write a fan fic. I’d never done it before and I suffer from social anxiety with a very high shame level, so to actually allow myself (yes, anxiety issues are weird) to write a fan fic, or even try to, and in English which is not my native tongue, gave me lots of anxiety at first. I’d spent a lot of time on AO3 just reading fics then, but when I finally decided to make my on account and actually publish the first part of The Savior in May 2016, I had such a high rate of anxiety I was jumping from fear when I saw I was getting a comment on it: I like this, please post more!! I just love the part where Flint saves Billy, I always thought it's such an amazing beginning of their story <3 Thank you so much for this, I hope you'll post the other chapters real soon! That was @musemm (you are just the best!) and I was like ”wow, maybe this is not that kind of Internet forum where people are mean”. Then I read this: Please, please post the rest oh this! There's not enough Billy/Flint -stories (there could never be enough!) And you're an inspiration to me, because I've been thinking about writing some fan-fiction, but also don't speak english as my native language. This was lovely!
That was @fabulatio (and you are just the most fabulous!) and I realised that this really is all for fun. It’s not about being skilled in English and people wont care if it’s not perfect. And then I was like ”shit… people might actually want to reas this crap… I shuld finish it”. Then this came: Of course we are interested in more.:) I'm so happy to see more Billy/Flint writers.:) Keep it up! This is where I stumbled on @rufferto9 (you darling!) and I guess that’s where I realised how fun it was to actually write this for someone else, but still not feel any pressure. I write a lot in my native language, both private and public, and sometimes I feel a lot of pressure. With the fan fics and the anonymity, I don’t have to feel the burden of ”thinking fresh” or think about how the things I write can affect my name or work. I can do it all for fun and share it with other anonymous people who also do this for fun. I love it. It’s also a living proof that an anonymous Internet forum don’t have to lead to people being mean or trolling. I’ve only had ONE negative comment on my 49 works and that was from someone outside the forum (I closed my works from comments outside the forum after that, but I didn’t delete it. It’s still there on chapter 13 of ”A Very Angry Boy”):
Interesting story, but way too much time with Billy's whore. I have no interest in reading about Billy with his whore(s), it makes stories less enjoyable to read, so it's curious you frequent that story aspect. Anything gained is negated by experience of reading whore passages, I don't want to read that and question why you include that device, what do you think it adds? I answered it like this: Well, the whore part is not about the sex as an erotic experience for the reader, as I guess you figured, but about Billy learning to get comfortable with intimacy. I mean, he's been raped, he's insecure about his body and don't really know how to handle his own desires. He's scared, and who else is gonna give him the possibility to show that kind of weakness? A crew member? Hardly. The captain? No way! Or a sailor from another crew? Why should Billy show that weakness to anyone that doesn't do it for coin?
So, I guess it makes sense to me to add Billy's way from hating his own body, not knowing how to take pleasure in intimacy, to be able to enjoy sex. It's only been a painful experience to him before he met that whore, I mean, he's literally been sexually tortured, and the molly helps him to reclaim his body. That's what I think it adds: character developement and healing progress. I hope it makes sense to you :) I closed my work from anonymous comments after that, because I realised people who’re writing fics themselves, don’t seem to be critical in the same way. And since I’ve been writing for years in public, I’m no stranger to negative response and I have no problem to deal with it, but for me, this is all about fun. Writing fan fiction is a free time doing, something we don’t make money from, something we do beacuse it, to quote Captain Flint: ”Because it feels good.” This is why I write and read fan fics. It feels good. It makes me feel good to explore and create without the pressure of adding my real name to the stories. It makes me feel good to write without any sense of competition. To know that there’s always room for more people to join in, more stories to be written, more pairings, more ideas and that there’s no need to have perfect language skills or coming up with new ideas. That being inspired of someones work and make a similar story isn’t stealing but inspiration and a way of celebrating another person’s story. To know that I can share my love for Black Sails with other people I don’t know, and not having to open up about anything else than our mutual love for this show. And no one I know IRL, knows my alias on AO3 or Tumblr. People in this awesome fandom are using anonymity not to act like assholes (seriously, what’s wrong with people who can’t be anonymous without using it to be mean to people?!) or to compete and that is the healthiest way of socializing I’ve come across in ages. Nerds sharing their nerdy love for nerdy stuff and simply allowing each other to have a place where it’s all about having a good time and live out funny, weird or scary ideas without the pressure of thinking about ”what people might think” or ”wheather I’m good/creative/skilled enough”. I love you, BS fandom. You’ve changed my life. And I still have no idea how or where anyone can see anything even slightly close to romantic or sexual interest between Silver and Flint – and I’ve really tried! I find it quite funny how quickly my viewers counts and kudos rose on my stories with that couple, compared to stories without them – come on, don’t you silverflint people ever long to read about another pairing EVEN if you’re shipping this one?! – and now I’m in the depths of my longest story ever ”An English Rose In December” and I’m still a bit shocked about how I ended up writing so much about a Silverflint relationship. It’s actually the second longest Silverflint story on AO3 now and it’s not even done yet. I don’t understand how that happened… I love to play with these characters. Love to give them different personas than in the series and not make Silver cocky, confident and manipulative. Love to make the battle for power between him and Flint to an old-fashioned historical, arranged marriage story, where the love must be built up slowly if it comes at all. Where manipulative smiles, sexual urges and schemes are only a small part of the relationship and the battle for power is about something much more difficult: to accept a life with someone you’ve not chosen, who’s not chosen you and how to deal with your feelings, with your partners feelings, with both your pasts and with a society where marriage has nothing to do with love and everything to do with power. I love to write my story and most of all, I love this fandom and all the joy it gives me on daily bases. The praises I’ve gotten from my public writing in my real name – the writing most people sadly believe is the only writing that really matters – hasn’t given me half the joy all the ”oh my god, this is so sweet <3<3<3” comments on my fics on AO3. Maybe because no one has to give me praise because they know me or know how hard I’ve worked on a piece. When I see a comment on one of my stories on AO3, I feel genuinly happy and grateful – and proud for knowing I’ve given someone a good time with my story. Because I love to read others stories. It gives me great pleasure and want the person who’ve written it to know that. Don’t ever be afraid to comment on a story you love! Don’t worry about your spelling, your grammar or ”how it may appear”. I’ve been there, I’ve been afraid to write in another language than my own, afraid to not be good enough, to not make my stories genuine enough and to leave ”too silly” comments. I say: screw that! The kudos and comments are a fan fic writers paycheck. More than once has an ”omg I love this” comment or a ”you’ve got kudos” mail made me crack the first, genuin and wide smile on a crappy day, and I’m quite certain I’m not alone in that regard. What I really wanted to say with this suddenly fucking LONG text wall is: *Black Sails fandom – you’re the proof that Internet can be a place where anonymity can be used to spread kindness, support, fun and love, and I’m so grateful I found you. *Never stop nerding! When season 4 is over and we’re experiencing the ”my series has ended” trauma, let’s keep nerding no matter if our favourite ship reached shore safely in the end or not. *Try to widen your pairings… I know, I have my favourit ships as well, but why restraining ourselves? The show will make some of us disappointed, no matter if we’re Silverflint, Blint, Gunnboner, Madisilver, Bonnyrackham or Bonnymax shippers. Not all ships will reach safe shores (if we’re really unlucky, we’ll end up with NO surviving ships and lots of fucking wrecks) and I know for myself I will feel a lot of difficult emotions when the season is over (probably also during the season, because holy shit, those teaser clips are NOT calming!) because it’s been so intense. I hope that more people will write stories about pairings we know CAN’T happen (like Billy/Vane, Thomas/Flint, Miranda/Abigail or why not Low/Idelle – only our imagination sets the limits here!) and pairings we know is highly unlikely to happen (like Silver/Flint, Billy/Flint, Silver/Billy or a repetition of Max/Eleanor) and pairings that already have happened or still have a chance to happen, have a short time of sweetness or even survive to the end (like Silver/Madi, Max/Anne, Billy/Ben, Idelle/Featherstone, Eleanor/Rogers). Or why not do like our freaking fabulous Fabulatio and do a Flint/Billy/Thomas? (Because if you haven’t read ”The life lost from us” already, you really should!) Point is: when the show is over, it will be painful for us, no matter if we’ve been shipping one or many couples, or no couple at all, because it will be an emotional and violent ending with LOTS of deaths. I’m alredy trying to prepare myself to Rackhams very likely walk to the gallows, to an eventual destruction of the Maroon camp with Madi’s people being taken by the English and sold to slavery. I try to prepare myself to the possible beginning of Billy Bones’ increased drinking and development to a bitter, lonely and cruel alcoholic, no Gunnboning OR Flintboning (or even, horrible thought: a Billy Bones fucking a woman, because that would actually make me pissed.) If they’re not gonna make him attracted to men at all after all these teasers with brothel visits where you can’t tell the whore’s sex, rainbow colored belts and a necklace pendant reminding suspiciously much about the male gender symbol pointing straight down instead of up to the right, no dialogue with women – or about women if you don’t count Billy’s questions about ”Mrs. Barlow” – and the way he swallows and lets his eyes linger on Ben Gunn (or by all means, the way he’s looking at Flint like he can’t decide wheather he wants to kill or fuck him) in a way he’s not done with anyone else in the series (sorry, Asheboners, but the few seconds he looked at Abigail doesn’t necessarily make him straight or even bi). Maybe I’ll be an unlucky Gunnboner in the end, seeing Billy make a brothel visit to a woman while Ben will only remain an ally he’s not even hugging. Maybe Flint will never have another kiss from a man, not from Silver or Billy or anyone, and make me cry because that would just be fucking cruel. Maybe all we end up with is Silvermadi, Ellewoodes (my new name for Eleanor/Woodes) and Bonnymax where Anne is devestated for losing Rackham at the gallows. Maybe non of us get what we really want, or even with our second or third wish if our main ship doesn’t reach shore. What we do know is that no matter how Treasure Island ends, Black Sails wont end in perfect connection with that story. The series creators have said recently that season four wont fit completely into Treasure Island so who knows? Jonathan Steinburg said this in an intwerview: ”What we ended up deciding was to treat Treasure Island as a story that was written based on historical events that take place on the show. That book is clearly written in a different tone than the show; to not be able to acknowledge that puts you in a lot of awkward positions in terms of trying to literally marry the two narratives. By the time you get to the end of the season, it’s clear that [the two narratives] are married in a bunch of ways — but we didn’t feel the need to treat it as though it was the next page for the end of Season 4.” So, who knows? All I know is how much joy the series and the fandom are giving me on daily basis. Both as a reader and as a writer. And as writer, I ask all of you who’re registrated on AO3, either as both writers and readers or as readers only: Don’t forget to comment! Even if it’s just a ”Nice story!”, it’s dearly appriciated by most authors, I’m quite certain of that. Use the AO3 and the anonymity as an opportunity to be more ”shameless” in commenting. In the world outside fandom, where we need to act adult, where it’s not cool at all (especially not for people who’re past 30 – and heaven forbid if they’re childfree WOMEN past 30!) to be attached to a show, a character or a pairing that’s ”not real”, giving praise can be quite restricted where it’s important to not be ”too much” or sound ”unprofessional”. I love you, Black Sails fandom. Stay awesome, shameless and ridiculous! The world needs this shit. And @thewalruscaptain and @yasae... Just all the kisses in the world to you <3
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