#i like making new friends and it hurts that i can't | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

#i like making new friends and it hurts that i can't

sucantslay · 3 days

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I can understand why he has this design but, he's living in my nightmare today (13/4/2024) for sure.

Like, this is just some silly thought in the middle of the night but, knowing Happy Ele, they don't take design easily.

The fact that each character have their own face structure ( not many but you can understand what I'm trying to say ) and even different in eyes design really tell us that this game don't play: "Haha, let make an ugly character because we want to"

We talking about EYES here, just the EYES and they already getting in to such detail

Some are made to look good on their own song, where they shine the most.

You can see it as clear as day light in Knight and Fine song:

And can use character that had big eyes like Subaru and the expression might be different but it didn't change much:

now compare it to Tatsumi

It harder to see if he even try to or just decide to not follow choirs.

For clothes design, they're all very detail and lots of work and effort are putting into small patterns:

Those are like, insane-

Back to the MC/producer things.

MC can wear clothes that make them easy to spot, but I'm not sure, because there is advice that the MC or the one who leads the show shouldn't wear clothes that make the main character of the show sink down.

Maybe this is just a foreshadowing of his personal or his style of dress. But since most characters don't follow that rule much, so I don't know.

One thing to be sure, Happy ele want us to give that guy and the new Unit?/ team attention. AND THEY DID, THEY SUCCEEDED. We all care about the group and curiosity grow like tree on crack not just because of the new group but also that "ugly looking guy"

Maybe someone saw that guy and went "What? Why? I never seen him before? This is real??? The. sreach it up and bam! They're excited about some new Unit.

Good marketing I guess.

I'm not into capitalization stuff so maybe this is all just a weird theory I made at middle night because I'm insane after the reveal.

( My friend thought that could be Kaname in the team and now I'm high on tears. I can't take it, pls...don't hurt me HE, have mercy on this small being )

#ensemble stars #enstars #nice arneb thunder

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aromanticbuck · 1 day

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eddie cannot live with marisol but the second buck mentions he cannot afford his place anymore and has to move out eddie offers for him to crash at his place until he finds a new apartment (and they were roommates)

Okay, okay, okay, I have so many thoughts about this. In two different contexts! (also I love the theory/idea/whatever we're calling it that Buck is struggling financially because it makes a weird amount of sense and I'm fascinated by it)

(hi, nonny, you've activated my trap card, I'm so sorry)

First of all, the obvious: friends to lovers roommates AU

Because yeah, it would start with Buck staying on the couch (because it's just temporary, until he can find a place he can actually afford, and then he'll be out of their hair and not a bother anymore), and yeah, his back hurts and it makes his bad leg act up more often, but it's nothing he can't deal with. It won't be for more than like a month, tops, right?

But then he has a bad pain day, and Eddie offers to let him use his bed for a night or two so he's not in constant pain for the rest of his life, and yeah, Buck takes the offer because he has a few apartments he likes and he's going to apply to, so it'll only be a few nights. He won't be there forever. He won't always be in the way.

And then a few nights in the bed becomes a week, and Eddie points out that there's more than enough room for the two of them (he knows this from when Christopher used to get nightmares and take up more than half the bed, Eddie can absolutely adapt to another body, even Buck's) and then they just...

idk, I love the cliche of them waking up spooning and not wanting to move because they're warm and comfortable and why would they want to change that???

Option 2: platonic Buddie my beloved

As an aroace person, who lives with my platonic partner, and our dog...

Buck and Eddie coparenting and moving around each other while living parallel lives and carpooling to work (Buck already helps Chris make cookies for his school events, that is canon), and existing together in this super strong relationship that's not inherently romantic or sexual.

It's just this unbreakable bond, and they share responsibilities, and they're each other's emergency contacts, and Buck is on the list of people allowed to pick up Christopher from school and, and, and!

Just... the more intense focus on their friendship and how important they are to each other outside the idea of a romantic ship? 10/10, it's my favorite thing in the whole world.

#answered #anon #anonymouse #alex says things #evan buckley #buck buckley #evan buck buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #christopher diaz #911 #diaz fam #911 on abc

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lqvactually · 2 days

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Tung Tung ʚɞ Riki x Reader

Masterlist | Pt2

ʚɞ Synopsis : Through your first and second years of college, Riki has been your best friend. He's supported you when no one else had and helped you make more friends than you could've on your own. However, you both struggle with knowing you like each other. And this party he's convinced you to go to? You can't see it going well.

ʚɞ TW : Drugs, drinking, violence, swearing, indirect mentions of sexual intercourse

ʚɞ Tags : University AU, best friends to lovers, kissing, hand holding, fluff, more fluff

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” You pulled out of Riki’s grip as soon as you were outside, face burning with anger.

“What’s wrong with you, Y/n? You supposedly only came for me, and you don’t even drink. Yet here you were, grinding on some guy you barely know, drunker than I’ve ever seen you! You don’t get to ‘what the fuck’ me.”

A frustrated laugh left your lips, your hands going to grip your shoulders. “I waited for two hours, Riki. While you were off getting high and laid, I just sat there waiting for you. I deserved to have a little fun.” You gestured to his wet hair and new clothes. “Don’t think I didn’t notice.”

“I’m not high,” He growled, “And I didn’t get laid. Me and Hee took turns holding back the girls’ hair while they threw their guts up for two hours straight. I would’ve texted you, but Mina threw up all over me and wouldn’t stop.” Riki ran a hair through his hair, sighing. “Just…” His eyes traveled to your shivering figure and he removed his jacket, placing it over your shoulders. “Let me drive you home. I swear I didn’t drink.”

“That’s it? No apology?” You scoffed, shrugging him off. “I was actually enjoying myself-”

Riki’s face soured again, his anger returning full force. “You don’t even know him, Y/n. You know me. What did he even offer that I couldn’t?”

You shook your head. “Don’t start this Riki, I’m too drunk to have this conversation again.”

“No, we’re going to talk about it. What does he have that I don’t?” His voice began to break.

“Riki, stop.”

“Would you have shoved him off if he kissed you?”

“Riki, I said stop.”

“I won’t stop.”

You threw his jacket back at him, turning to walk back inside. “This, this is why I can’t deal with you.”

“Where are you going?” Riki grabbed your arm, but you shoved him off.

“Back to Sunghoon.”

His breath thinned as his anger thickened. At his sides, his fists were balled, and you stepped back, warry of his temper. “Don’t you dare.”

“You can’t control me, Riki,” You laughed, running your fingers through your hair. “I’m your friend, not your dog.”

“I never said you were.”

“But that’s how you’re treating me!” The desperation on his face was so intense you had to look away. You didn’t want to give in this time, you didn’t want to let him win. Not after this bullshit. “Look. We can talk in the morning when I’m sober, and you’re calm. Okay?”

He sighed, rubbing his face in his hands with frustration. “Let me take you home. I won’t talk, I won’t try anything. I just don’t want you with him. Please.” He offered out his jacket. “I promise.”

You snatched it from his hands, taking your heels off on the way to the car. “One sound and I’m getting out.

Never in your life had you experienced a headache this horrible. You were dizzy, your vision blurry. Your ears rang when you first sat up.

“Hey…” Riki walked in almost immediately, checking your forehead. “How do you feel?”

“Like I got hit by a fucking bus.”

“That,” He sat next to you, offering you a glass of water. “Is unfortunately normal. But it’ll go away.”

You took the glass gratefully, sipping it slowly. Your eyes fluttered shut, trying to soothe the constant pounding in your skull. “I don’t wanna go to school today.”

“I know,” He wrapped an arm around your shoulder and you hid your face in his chest to block the light out. “I can stay with you.”

You groaned, banging your head against him. “It fucking hurts.”

“I know.”

He took care of you well, but silently. You could tell he felt bad about last night, and you almost felt bad too. By about five pm, your headaches had subsided and you’d thrown up only twice (which according to Riki was good, considering how much you drank.)

You were laying in the living room together watching TV, cuddled up under the blankets, your head on his chest. Untouched take out sat on the coffee table, both of you too cold to sit up and eat. It was nice. You liked this.

It reminded you of everything before that stupid incident. Before things like last night started happening.

Your phone dinged, an unknown number showing up.

Unknown: Hey, it’s Sunghoon

A small smile crept on to your face. You hid your phone from Riki’s view.

You: Hey!

You: How’d you get my number?

Sunghoon: I asked jay for it after he finished throwing his guts up this morning.

You giggled slightly and Riki leaned over your shoulder to look at your screen.

“Who’s texting you?”

“No one.”

He raised an eyebrow. “It’s not no one, you’re giggling like crazy.” He snatched the phone from your hand, reading the texts. His face fell before you could snatch it back. “Oh.”

“I said it was no one,” Your voice was agitated.

“I don’t like him.”

“You don’t have too, I do.”

Riki laughed angrilly at the blatant attack, sitting up. “Y/n, I like you. I want you. I’m always there for you why do you want some…” He glares at your phone, “Some prick you just met?”

“Maybe,” You hiss, “Because he respects me and doesn’t just think about himself.”

“You kissed me back,” His voice cracked, all anger draining from his face. “I know it’s not just me, Y/n. I just hate…”

You put your face in your hands. “Riki, I really don’t want to ruin the relationship we already have. You know what happens, couples break up and they stop talking. I can’t lose you like that.”

“Not acknowledging how we feel seems to be ruining us a lot quicker,” He whispered. His thumb brushed against your cheek. “Please, Y/n. Forget him.”

You bit your lip. These past few months of knowing you weren’t the only one who wanted him, they were torture. Watching him get hit on by other girls, pretending you didn’t care. It all drove you insane. But still, the thought of losing him over a kiss or two? It scared you.

“What if it doesn’t work?” You mummble, placing your hand on his.

“I’ll do everything in my power to make sure it does.” Riki’s eyes were soft, softer than you’d ever seen them (and you’d seen him look at puppies while on shrooms.) “Let me show you what we could be.”

You snorted at his cheesyness, but leaned into his touch. “One chance. Fuck up once, and I’m dumping your ass out in the middle of no where.”

He leaned down until your noses were touching. “Yes ma’am.”

Your breath hitched. Holy shit.

Time seemed to slow down as his lips pressed softly against yours. Your first kiss had been desprate, unconventional. This was thoughtful and yet, it conveyed the same need as the former.

Your arms slipped around his neck and he moved until you were between his legs, trapped by his arms. Breathing was unecessary in that moment. All you needed was this, the warmth of his body and the heat of the moment.

Riki kissed you again and again until you were forced to pull back for the unfortunate essential need of air. Everything was spinning and you were quite sure you looked completely dumbfounded.

“That was really hot.”

You groaned, pushing Riki away playfully. “You really know how to ruin a fucking mood, don’t you, Nishimura?”

He shrugged, leaning down to kiss your nose. “Just saying what I know to be true.”

“I’m about to sock you in the face.”

“And what if I’m into that?”

“EW!”

“So you finally worked up some balls and kissed him,” Yuna snickered, sipping her iced coffee. “I just lost a bet, Y/n. You owe me an ounce of weed.”

You rolled your eyes, linking your arm through hers. “Why were you guys even betting on that anyways?”

“Because you two little hoes have been pining after each other since day one,” She scoffs, pushing you away. You should be offended by this, but you only smirk.

“Whatever.” You both walked through the mall in comfortable silence until you saw a black mercedes parked about twenty feet away. “That’s my ride,” You grinned, “See you later, Yuna!” Riki got out of the car, walking over to you leisurely.

Yuna wrinkled her nose, rolling her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, go make out with your little boyfriend. Leave me alllll alone.”

Riki put an arm around your shoulder, grinning. “Doesn’t sound half bad, now does it Y/n?”

You elbowed him in the stomach. Hard. “Bye Yuna!” You ignored your boyfriend’s pained grunts as he followed you back to his car.

“Was that necessary?”

You got in the passenger seat, buckling up as he shifted the car into drive. But before he could step on the gas, you placed a small kiss on his cheek.

“Shut up.”

He smiled, turning to kiss your lips instead. “Gladly.”

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abyssmita · 2 days

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It is 7:30 pm, 14th April, 2024.

As I sit at my table with my books infront of me, I wish to go back, to 2013.

When time ran a bit slower. When my mama used to wake me up and carry me to the bathroom to brush my teeth when I was sleepy. When my baba would pick me up and walk to school in the morning. When mama would often be a little late to pick me up from school due to my infant sister. When I'd start crying if she got too late out of worry. When she'd finally come and laugh before hugging me tightly. When I'd get home and turn on the TV. When there were no smartphones and we used to spend our time watching Doraemon. When my mama would sit beside me on the floor in the evening with my sister in her lap, as she helps me with my homework. When the lights were a little dimmer at our little home. When I'd wait for the thrum of Baba's bike from the balcony. When baba's knock meant no more homework, when I'd run downstairs to open the door. When baba's knock meant a new chance of him having brought something for me everyday. When Baba's knock meant there will be news on TV and I'd finally get to play with my sister as my mom prepares dinner. When 8 pm meant mama's time on TV serials, which all of us would watch, despite baba's insistence that they're stupid. When we would have dinner together sitting on the cool floor and then sleep together on the same bed.

I want to go back.

Now mama still wakes me up, but I can't climb on her lap, cuz I'm taller than her. Now baba takes me to school, but I can no longer climb on his shoulders, it'd hurt his back. Now I come back home alone, nobody picks me up. I don't cry anymore, I'm responsible for myself. Now I get home and turn on my phone, nobody watches TV anymore. Mama doesn't help me with homework anymore, she hasn't touched my books since 2 years. I don't get out of my room when baba knocks anymore. It doesn't mean study time is over anymore, I study all day. It doesn't mean there's news on TV, it stays quiet in the living room. My sister and I don't play together anymore, I have my friends and she has hers. Mama still prepares dinner, but it's much quieter now. We still eat together, but not on the floor. Nobody talks during dinner. Now we don't sleep together, I sleep alone in my room.

I can see my parents aging, I can see the grey hair on their heads, I can see they get tired faster now, I can see I'm getting stonger and more able bodied than them as time passes. I can see the rooms are brighter now. I can see the house is quieter now. I can see my sister is no longer an infant, I can see her growing into a teenager. I can see my parents don't have the same energy they had while I was her age. I can see them give up easier and let her do whatever she feels like.

But sometimes.

Sometimes I find old photos, we all look at them and my parents laugh. I see the memories shining beneath their eyes. Sometimes my mama still wakes me up, and tries to pick me up, which ends up in me picking her up instead. Sometimes my mom says she'll come to school to pick me up, my heart leaps at the thought and I agree instantly. Sometimes we come home and my sister turns on Disney channel and we re-watch Doraemon episodes together while having lunch. Sometimes when baba comes home, I get up and open the door, sometimes he turns on the news to listen to those horrendous debates. I don't mind them anymore. Mama doesn't watch serials anymore, but she does watch some movies. Baba doesn't complain anymore. Sometimes I go and hug my sister instead of being on my phone in my free time, sometimes she kisses me on my cheeks again. Sometimes I go annoy mama in the kitchen as she makes dinner. Sometimes I turn off the lights to make the home just a little dimmer. Sometimes we all still sit around the heater in winters as we have our dinner. Sometimes we turn on Discovery channel and get fascinated and disgusted simultaneously with Baba.

Sometimes, it feels like I'm back to 2013 again.

#desiblr #spilled ink #desi tumblr #time #reminiscent #writers on tumblr #nostaligiacore #nostalgia

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atlasscrumpit · 2 days

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You said you write dark fics. I read a lot for Bucky to the point that I accidentally found a few (really few,understandably) headcanons & short fics of Bucky with a lesbian reader and ofc they were all very respectful and Bucky ended up being a supportive close friend. I'm not a lesbian,but finding those few headcanons & stories and also having read dark fics made me wonder how would a dark Bucky deal or cope being infatuated with a reader who's a lesbian? A reader who's physically & mentally unable to return his feelings in any way not even in the slightest bit,no matter what he does. How do you think a dark version of Bucky would act with a reader who are unable to ever love him back or return his feelings. Maybe he'll become a dark best friend/yandere best friend to lesbian reader instead? And all the girls she dated had to be approved by him for reader & her to be official & he ended up choosing a girl for her who has the most similar personality to him & is like the female version of him. And if he gets obsessed with a new girl,she'll bear striking resemblance to reader except she's not a lesbian. So this would be more like soft dark,I guess. Not exactly dark. Cause I don't wanna be disrespectful. If you think that my interpretation of this is inaccurate then feel free to scratch it altogether and write your own interpretation of dark Bucky with a lesbian reader instead. Also,I know the way I wrote this sounds like a request for headcanons but if you do accept this request,can you write this as a fic instead? But if this request is disrespectful,then let's just cancel and ignore it. And I'm so sorry. I did think that I wrote this request as respectful as possible according to context and not in a violating or offensive way. But if it is offensive & disrespectful & you don't want to do it,just ignore this one & I'll send in a better request instead.

You stared at Bucky in shock as he told you the words you never expected to hear from him.

"Buck... You-You love me?" You asked as he looked at you in fear, waiting for the next words you were going to speak.

"I do." He muttered as you sighed.

"Bucky... I'm kind of into girls." You muttered as he looked at you in shock.

"You're gay?" He asked as you chuckled awkwardly.

"Yeah... I am." You muttered before he sighed and sat down.

"I don't know if that hurts more or less." He said as you sat beside him.

"Buck... I love you so much, you're my best friend. But, us together is just something that could never happen." You replied as he smiled a little and hugged you tightly.

"This won't ruin our friendship right?" He asked as you smiled and hugged him back.

"No, of course not. Nothing could ruin it."

Months passed and Bucky did his best to meet other girls.

But, in the end no one was like you.

He sat on his couch in his apartment and stared down at your number on his phone.

He groaned and threw his phone on the floor before going to the liquor cabinet.

An hour later he stumbled down the street to your apartment.

He came up to your door and you opened it.

"Buck, are you drunk?" You asked as he stared at you.

He pushed you into the apartment and shoved you against a wall, forcing his lips against yours before you escaped his grip.

"Bucky! Enough!" You screamed as he stared at you.

"No! I need you, I can't have anyone else!" He shouted back, stalking towards you.

"James! Stand down!" You demanded as he stopped and grabbed his head, groaning.

"I don't know what I'm doing... I feel like I'm going crazy." He muttered, shaking his head as you sighed and walked forward.

You took his hands and lead him to sit down on your couch.

"You need to go back to your therapist and talk about all of this." You said making his groan.

"I don't need to go back to her." He growled before he looked at you.

"Why can't I just have you?" He whispered sadly, a part of you felt bad for this but it wasn't like you could control who you loved.

"I know this is hard and we've become even more distant but we have to work through this...you have to work through this." You said as he nodded a little.

"How's it going with that girl?" He asked as you chuckled softly.

"We kind of broke it off. I don't know, she just wasn't my type." You replied as he nodded.

"What if we set each other up?" He suggested, you weren't opposed to the idea.

"Well, I know what you like." You joked making him chuckle softly.

"Maybe this could be a good idea..."

Bucky had done surprisingly well when he set you up with someone.

For the first few weeks it went amazing, Bucky had found a girl as well and everything went well.

But, inevitably Bucky wound up at your door drunk again.

You opened it and sighed.

"Bucky, what the hell happened?" You asked as he pushed his way inside.

"It's over with Lyla." He growled as you looked at him sadly.

"I'm sorry, Buck... Well, things with Katy and I aren't going too well either. Maybe we go on a vacation or something. Get out of town." You suggested as he paced up and down before lunging at you and pinning you against the wall again.

"No, no I just need you. I don't give two fucks what you say, I'm having you." He growled as you looked at him in fear. His hand reached up and wrapped around your throat.

"Bucky, stop." You whispered as he smiled and kissed you softly.

"I love you...so fucking much. You'll learn to love me too, okay? You'll learn to like it." He whispered, insanity flashing in his eyes.

"Buck..." You whispered, slowly losing consciousness.

"We'll be happy, okay?"

You woke up and groaned softly.

You looked around see you were in your room...maybe?

Everyhting looked like your room but it was just a little...off.

The door opened and you looked up to see Bucky.

"What happened?" You muttered as he came forward with a sandwich on a plate.

"You're at my place. I took everyhting from your old place and put it here. Don't worry they already sold your apartment." He said as your eyes widened.

"W-What? How long was I out?" You whispered in shock as he sat beside you and placed the plate on your lap.

"I kept you sedated for a few weeks while I took care of things." He said as you looked into his eyes.

You didn't see your best friend Bucky anymore...you saw the winter soldier.

"Bucky... What the hell are you doing?" You whispered in fear as he reached forward and held your face in his hand.

"I'm getting what I want, Y/N." He whispered, a small smile on his face.

"You kept me sedated? What the hell is wrong with you? What about my friends, my family?" You asked as he chuckled and let go of your face.

"They trust me, doll. I told them you broke your leg and I'm taking care of you. I have an entire plan for us, a plan that will keep us happy forever. All you have to do is be happy, okay? You just have to do as I say, that's it." He said as you breathed heavily and just stared at him.

"Come on, darling. Show me smile." He said as you just continued to stare.

He slapped you hard across the face before gripping your chin roughly and making you face him.

"I said show me a fucking smile!" He shouted as you put on a fake smile while tears ran down your face.

"Yes, perfect. Good girl." He said letting go of your face.

"Now, eat up and then we'll go through the rules." He said before standing up and walking away, leaving you in stunned silence.

#Mcu #Marvel #Bucky barnes #Bucky x reader #Bucky #Bucky Barnes x reader #Yandere bucky Barnes #The Winter soldier

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cinna-bunnie · 2 months

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u ever hope an ex is doing good then hear about the direction their life went and it's all just fucking tragic

#i got A Lot of tea from my coworkers who used to b friends with her on lunch bc we share my office #and we went in complete opposite directions. she's changed so much it's kind of scary even to her friends #she cut off all her queer and trans friends and said “[her] values have changed” and agrees with things her idiot toxic boyfriend #says when it's like girl this is SO so disappointing i know u know better. you are so much better than this u deserve sm better than this #i don't know if she's actually gone Full Catholic but she's extremely family oriented n her family is Mexican Catholic iykyk #it was a big problem in our relationship bc I'd only get to see Other People once every couple of months 😓#anyways new dude is extremely machismo and even by those standards he's Far on the aggressive side it's really scary #she even wants to get married and have kids but like the scenes he makes and the way he blows up on her and makes her cry #really hurts my heart to learn about. she's such a beautiful smart and sweet girl i was hoping she'd figure out what she wants for #herself after we split. and i don't wanna make assumptions about her thought process but it sounds like she got more reliant on her #fam not less to the point that even her friends were stressed about it and aksjdkak. i could see how someone who #has the energy and desire to go to Everything and gets along great w ur fam is nicer compared to like.#a trans woman who feels like a caged animal and is constantly begging for rest she never gets #but are all the sacrifices you're making worth it? there is zero “haha that sucks” it's just. tragic. u cut off ur childhood best friend for #being enby?? I'd imagine she doesn't feel “lonely” but god she sounds trapped and i worry for her #but otoh hearing who she turned into really gave me closure bc no fucking way would i want to date someone like this...#and that is a nice thing to heal inside of me albeit healing from something fucked up #just the thought of “maybe. one day” till y'all have changed so much u can't recognize and don't want each other #i assumed she wasn't the same person anymore bc i wasn't but hoped she changed for the better. but 😐 ig not. idk.#I'm gonna have complicated feelings on this all day im At work and can't focus lol

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salty-dracon · 22 days

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also they gotta stop giving these quirky 18 year olds guns. there's literally nothing quirky about the military. let them be silly on tiktok or something

#is this about valorant or the us military? who knows? certainly not me #i was rewatching the new trailer and i was like 'they shouldn't be on a battlefield they should be safe at home laughing with friends'#they've got a backpack for chrissakes. they're pink. and i think it doubly hurts knowing valorant lore because #that means there is an alternate clove- some hostility that makes the omega earth clove want to kill the alpha earth agents #like even gekko (both gekkos) has a voiceline that's like 'why can't we all be friends? oh right fucking radianite' and i'm like #BOY WHAT HAPPENED??? BOY WHAT THE HELL KIND OF TRAUMA DID YOU GO THROUGH TO MAKE YOU NEED TO STEAL RADIANITE #anyway the valorant universe is lowkey depressing when you think about it. there's an alternate you out there and they're resource hungry

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buzzcat · 4 months

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today's wordcount brought to you by: there is no way on this green earth that Gale Dekarios doesn't have a good relationship with his mother, and i'm going to write nice cozy friends-and-family fic about it

#bg3 #gale of waterdeep #anyway i have Thoughts about Gale that have me chewing the drywall #so for now i'm just writing fluff about Gale and family and coming home with friends #like you KNOW Gale's mom was worried about her son being lonely. nerd magic protegee who hangs out with:#Mystra the Goddess of Magic; Elminster; Tara #like that's Gale's entire social network #you KNOW what his mom wanted was just for him to have friends. just friends not Forces of Nature just friends #and he never really had those because he was being a Big Cool Wizard from the age of like six #so anyway Gale comes home with his friends and his mom goes full Mean Girls Mom mode #she's just so excited her son has friends but she's also trying to be chill #one's a vampire? chill what kind of blood does he want #one's a warlock? okay; that's new but rolling with it #like Gale could bring home three goblins but if they didn't hurt him and he called them friends his mom would make it work #anyway this consumed my thoughts for like three hours today so yes i'm writing fanfic about it #Gale has a good relationship with his mom and you can't change my mind

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sweetdreamspootypie · 9 months

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Fucked around (tried to find the non existent archived chat log on FB messenger with my ex) and found out (why did I do that)

#The fact that it isn't in the archive is still strange to me #Like.even if he blocked me and deleted his account #Surely it usually comes up as 'fb user' and 'you can't message them'#I'm sure I didn't delete the chat log myself intentionally anyway #Maybe it's for the best #Still have to scratch the itch every once in a while #It hasn't hurt as badly recently which is good #But that just means it's into the new stage #Of well and truly 'after'#Which.#I never expected #Dating someone new in the full normie sense at the moment which is brand new #And it does help #BC I do feel like most of the lingering grief is just that I didn't have anyone else to focus on besides the past #But requiring the presence of others to make it hurt less doesn't feel secure or stable #Esp while it's so new #I've made friends recently but it's literally only been a month #Shiny new life stage #Hopefully #Gotta try not to break anything #Which will be hard #How do you date with the intention of taking it seriously while also protecting yourself from it not working out #My life #My posts #Using Tumblr as a diary #BC my last actual diary entry was a full 2 years ago and about when he started getting my hopes up again #Which is a well closed chapter now #As of like. Presumably October?#Oh yeah that's why I found out the chat log was gone originally #I was trying to work out when he last came over

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morningmask27 · 1 month

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I do sometimes find it really annoying that most of the things I do right now are At Least tangentially related to a trauma I lived through.

I am living in a university dorm right now, it's a very typical thing to do, but most people return to their family home during the weekends and only really stay in the dorms because they have classes in the week and having to go from their home to the classes, especially the 9 am classes, can be heavy if they live somewhat further away. I stay in my dorm the entire week. For Reasons I don't want to go back to my old home for longer than half a day to drop my laundry and leave with clean clothes, some food and a chat with my mother. I wouldn't feel good doing so anymore, but mentioning that is weird because most people (except internationals because going to a full on other country just for the weekend, every weekend, would be a bit dumb) return to their home (My dorm feels more like home to me right now than my old house did btw).

When I say I stay in my dorm people are somewhat confused, as it on its own already implies that something must not be that good at the familial home for me to not go there for the weekends. By the simple fact I don't go back it's already implied there is something wrong, and it's true, there Is something wrong, but I can't just start explaining the whole thing, it's not really appropriate for most conversations, and I simply don't want to open up about this part of my traumas. So I just have to quickly and very blatantly brush off that fact and the unpleasant implications to continue the conversation without making it awkward and it's so annoying.

Most of my weird trauma responses at least have the added thing that if I don't verbalize them nobody will really notice. I am good at hiding them, I kinda had to, but this dorm situation is such a blatant sign of something Weird (and not the good kind) that I cannot hide since my actions on their own imply a situation already.

I am somewhat good at dealing with all of these issues, brushing off The Problems is a typical part of normal conversations, but it does get frustrating sometimes when I get severely affected by something traumatic, and it's The Only reason that my problem happened, but I cannot talk about it in casual conversations because of how heavy and intense it is. I have to vaguely mention The Horrors (They Are Complex) and move on before I make my conversation partner uncomfortable. It happened when I had to miss a class because of a severe relapse in my mental health, it happens every time I mention I stay in my dorm the weekends, it happens whenever I get too jittery and weird because of stress (I don't even always know Why I am stressed) and I just cannot explain anything about the cause because it's too heavy for most people to hear. (I do understand that fact, it makes sense you're not going to tell classmates casually about the horrific stuff you went through in your personal life, but it fucking gets annoying when it is fully related to a situation and I have to Shut The Fuck Up anyway.)

It's just frustrating to me that I have to deal with all these Weird Things because of trauma, and everyone sees them, but I cannot explain where they come from truthfully because of how much they are. It's in this weird middle state where people See I am weird hurt, but they don't Know why. I do things differently for reasons they can assume are unpleasant, but I cannot ever truly explain everything to them.

#morningcries #yeah late night frustrations as I just thing about all my friends and such going back to their homes and the occasional somewhat awkward #Lull in a conversation whenever I say I don't return to my kot (so Every time I say that)#Honestly having such a shit childhood really set me apart. But not in a good way #I am weird in many ways. All related to traumas I had and I can't relate to most people #I don't want to return to my home. I don't know what I feel about my sister but it sure as hell isn't a normal sibling relationship.#I have severe attachment issues and fucking cut myself when I was 14 #This mutilation fucked up my brain in the long term too as I now just crassly mention them Like That. They don't mean anything to me anymor #School left me a lonely hurt mess filled with anger and resentment. I had no friends left during my last year there. I had no friends when #I began university. My childhood was horrible and I now have to build something new from the shattered pieces I have left #Some people do help me but in a way my childhood is and always will be lost. I can't relate to what most people got to enjoy #Yes some small moments I do. I went on vacation and stuff and it was fun But somehow something always showed up to make the memory taste ba #When I talk about my past I always have to choose very specific small stories and shave off every negative detail and the grander (bad)#Context

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pinejay · 2 months

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it's crazy how various impressions and sense memories create a disjointed timeline of your life. when i was listening to ted chiang's exhalation: stories, i was just abt to move from nyc back to MA. so any time i think abt his writing, i'll inevitably remember finishing my last puzzles in my brooklyn apt before giving them to my puzzle friends while listening to the truth of fact / the truth of feeling. and walking down to the riverside courts to play one last doubles session with my beach vb friends, while listening to omphalos. it's like a deluge of nostalgia. i wasn't planning on reminiscing but i guess i have to now

#fuck me man. can't take this my heart hurts #and i was just feeling emotionally weird earlier when i was discussing my coaching plans for the summer #like man. now that i've picked a place to settle down is this just the pattern of the rest of my life #i almost regret not just moving to a random location on the other side of the earth for kicks #even tho i hate traveling and i hate being in a place i have no connection to for more than 2 weeks #and i hate trying to make friends in new places even tho i'm not terrible at it #tc

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gremlinbehaviour · 1 year

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#chronic pain #my right side ribs are driving me fucking insane #they're not getting any better even though i don't think they're still out of place #my ribcage is already uneven though so i can't tell #my right knee barely holds my weight anymore #and i've had a headache off and on for like a week #also i've figured out that being high really doesn't make things better if i'm still in pain #because it just makes me forget that i always feel like that and be annoyed and hurt all over again like new #my friends are going to the dispo today and are gonna get me some almost entirely cbd gummies though and I'm really hoping they help #drugs mention

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shymaidxn · 11 months

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@flovverworks | cont. from ( x )

Of course she pauses when they finally get the courage to speak, her entire process halting with her key dangling from the lock. Ah...They doted on her so much. She knew by now that it was their nature to just be concerned over their friend - no matter how close that friendship was - and it truly was a comfort at her low points to have such a caring neighbor. But her heart aches at the offer too. Her thoughts still flooded with self-deprecation, seeing Akira and knowing that, while they cared so much, this was also just business too. It's not their fault, though, even if her annoyance and worry presents itself with quick words and furrowed brows. Oh, she should just tell her mom to help her move apartments, but that wouldn't solve anything. Her mother and Bishop would both reject the idea when she felt so safe in this little complex. And, despite the cloud hanging over her, she'd hate to leave her only other friend...

"...I'm sorry." She says it in a dry laugh, finally giving Akira the time of day and looking them in the eye. This situation always sucks though, forcing a small smile, while not sure what exactly to say to ease the situation. God, she really was so boring and terrible...

"I'll, um...Let me, first -" She doesn't finish before grabbing her keys from her door, putting them back in her purse before taking a step towards Akira. A bit shaky, a bit stiff, yet trying to laugh off nerves with tired, smiling eyes. "...I'd love to try a cup. I feel like my tea selection has gotten a bit same-old, same-old anyways, you know? I should try new things once in awhile..."