#i like girl childrens media that acknowledges that friendship is hard and you have to work at it and becoming a better person is a conscious

[balancedtranslocationdiaries]

Getting through IVF failure

Date night: After the anxiety and cortisol of the two-week wait dwindles, I usually fall into a depression coma. I think it's really important to prioritise your relationship with each other during this time and make a deliberate effort to go on a date day/night. Leaving the house and being affectionate may feel like the LAST thing you want to do, but trust me, it helps. We went out to an Italian restaurant we had wanted to try for a while and purposely went to the cinema to see a movie afterwards instead of retreating back to the couch and rotating Netflix catalogue.

Get off social media: social media is the best and worst remedy for infertility related anxiety and depression. The night we went to the movies for date night I quickly glanced at Instagram prior to the movie starting and was caught off guard by a friends pregnancy announcement of her SECOND baby in 12 MONTHS! I sat there fuming. "That's it! I'm going offline.. better yet.. I'm going off grid! NO PREGNANCY ANNOUNCEMENTS IF I'M LIVING IN A CAVE?!

Once I had grounded myself again (thanks to Chris Hemsworth and chocolate) I remembered the amazing support networks I've gained through social media, and the way it has countered so much of the loneliness I've felt lately. Instead of quitting altogether, I made the decision to limit myself moving forward. For me this meant avoiding my IVF Instagram page for a few weeks, muting all accounts with babies and pregnancy related content and limiting social media use altogether. I turned to 'healthier' alternatives such as phone free netflix binges, journaling, reading, walking with a podcast on etc.

Puzzles: when you only feel capable of dwelling on what could have been, doing a puzzle gives your mind something else to focus on. With each puzzle piece there is a sense of accomplishment and while IVF doesn't promise any end goal for your effort, puzzles do. My routine in the early days of grief involved working on a puzzle while watching Stranger things. No time for ruminating when your hands and mind are busy.

Catch up with friends who don't have kids and aren't on that wavelength: when you're early 30s and onwards it can be hard to find friends who aren't pregnant, aren't parents or aren't trying to conceive. I still have a few friends who fit this category so I make an effort to prioritise these friendships during IVF slumps. When I went for a walk with one of my best friends who is far from trying to have children, it was such a nice circuit breaker. We discussed work stress, upcoming holidays, dog training, her winery tour adventures .. literally everything but kids! We did briefly discuss the failed transfer (a girl needs to vent) but it wasn't the focus of the catch up. If you don't have friends that fit this category, I'd suggest establishing boundaries and communicating what you need prior to catching up. Maybe this is "Just a heads up I'm struggling at the moment and would like to avoid talking about IVF today" Or "I'm going to talk about the transfer for 5 minutes but stop me if I bring it up again because I know it's not useful for me to revisit it."

Boundaries: family members and friends mean well when they ask how you're feeling but personally, I seldom find this helpful. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the loss and despair being acknowledged, but having to repeatedly revisit the grief and discuss it can keep me feeling stuck. I usually say something along the lines of "thanks for checking in but talking about something else would be most helpful for me right now."

Home improvement: To get me through the most recent failure I decided to do something nice for myself (budget permitting of course!). I bought a new plant after the transfer, a reading chair and a some bits and pieces from KMART to make a reading space which has brought me so much joy. It doesn't have to be a project as big as this to bring a sense of accomplishment. It could be organising a cupboard under your sink or buying some new bathroom towels. They say change is as good as a holiday and I think they're on to something.

Enjoy forbidden pregnancy things and child free luxuries: take yourself to a bougee sushi restaurant, order yourself a cocktail and a charcuterie board, buy a morning coffee and maybe an afternoon coffee as well! I try and romanticize and feel grateful for the life I have right now. A life that is, in many ways, selfish and indulgent (hello reading for 2 hours at a time or getting 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep). Would I prefer to be a mother? One thousand times yes.

Do I choose to nurture and hold hope for the person in the waiting? Absolutely.

I hope this helps x

#survivingivf #ivf #health #infertile #balancedtranslocation #translocation

[gaybellethorn]

every bad eah writing decision is good actually because they are funny and make me smile :)

#.txtpst #cant get over mychapter. completely forgot how stupid that is. really fucking good. #i saw someone bringing up how apple's character development is completely disregarded by dragon games and we have to drag her through the #same 'you should care about other people' morality hoops again and again #and like objectively yes that's poor writing and mattel are incompetent #but it's also incredibly funny and very in character for her to just be that shitty #getting more watsonian on it i do like the idea of stubborn characters like CONCEPTUALLY getting the gist of being a better person #but actually putting that into practice #especially when it means acting in a way disadvantageous to themselves for the first time #and that whole process being like. hard! and they stumble over themselves and find themselves back at square one over and over #i like girl childrens media that acknowledges that friendship is hard and you have to work at it and becoming a better person is a conscious #choice that doesnt always come naturally #if this is actually what mattel was going with i think there is a way to execute it a bit more elegantly #than it just coming off like theyre undoing previous character development #but for my money's worth they did enough and left enough pieces that i can make it work in the secret good eah that lives in my head #also. ultimately. it's just really really funny if apple is just really shit

[crownedbyluke]

Long Road Ahead (Chapter 16)

Estelle Finley has been friends with Ashton Irwin and Luke Hemmings for three years. When the boys bring her along on a jam-packed road trip to Cape Cod with the rest of the band, their adventures are just beginning. Through long hours driving, exploring cities, and hidden secrets, something more is bound to happen on this journey. How will this road trip change Estelle’s friendship with the friends she’s come to love so dearly?

Word Count: 2,527

{Chapter One} {Chapter Two} {Chapter Three} {Chapter Four}{Chapter Five} {Chapter Six} {Chapter Seven} {Chapter Eight} {Chapter Nine} {Chapter Ten} {Chapter Eleven} {Chapter Twelve} {Chapter Thirteen} {Chapter Fourteen} {Chapter Fifteen}

“Dad?” I asked, utterly shocked at the mess that was unfolding before my very eyes.

“What? No acknowledging me?” the familiar voice asked. 

I looked just slightly to the left of my father, the familiar face of my brother Wesley came into view. He clearly hadn’t shaved in at least a month with his scraggly half shadow of a beard. It had been at least two years since I had seen him and now, seeing him again, made me want to scream. 

“What are you doing here?” I asked. 

Ashton had his hand on the small of my back, trying his best to comfort me. It felt like everyone in the house was watching me, like I was living my life out on a television screen. 

“You remember your betrothed,” my dad said, gesturing to the man standing behind Wes. 

My heart stopped. A commitment that I had never agreed to and yet, here was my father bringing it back to haunt me. Aiden Harper. He had certainly gotten taller since we were in middle school. The likelihood of him being less of a giant idiot though was probably very small.

“Aiden,” I whispered, still in shock. 

“Who the hell is he Estelle?” Luke asked, voice full of anger. 

I met his eyes, finding the storm of hurt and rage swirling in them. It took everything in my body to not just run over to him. There were more eyes on us than I wanted for a conversation like that. 

“Oh, I suspect she didn’t inform you. This is the man she is intended to marry in two years time,” my dad said. 

Luke clenched his fist. I felt the anger radiating off of him from the stairs. Before anyone got into a fight, I stepped down from the stairs and stood between the two.

“What are you doing here?” I asked. 

“Well darling daughter, you seem to think that I can’t stop you from seeing this man child over there, so I’ve come to prove you wrong,” he said with a smile. 

It was the same smile I had seen my entire life. One of manipulation and dishonesty. 

“How?” I continued. 

“You see, your friends here, well, they sometimes do great work at covering up their partying or their general misuse of their fame, but myself and my contacts are more clever than their publicist. I have a multitude of photos and videos of them misbehaving that would surely ruin any chance they had at making another album,” he said, the smile widening. 

“You’re lying,” Ashton said from behind me. 

“Oh son, you wish I was don’t you? Doubt you’d like that threesome video from your Vegas trip a year ago to get out,” my dad said, gritting his teeth. 

I felt the whole room tense. This was serious and it was happening right in front of my face. There were stories of how my dad would manipulate people into what he wanted, but I had never seen it happen. Some of them felt more fabricated than reality would allow. Yet, it was reality and he was doing everything he could to stop me. 

“What do you want?” I asked, biting back tears. 

It was no longer a question of what I had to do. I’d do it to protect them. Ashton reached for me again, but I moved away. It was my battle now. 

“You’ll be coming home with me right now. You can move into your new house in August and you’ll stay in your tiny little apartment until then. You will no longer speak to these children or be seen with them in the media. Oh and you’ll be seen with Aiden getting engaged next week,” he said. 

My eyes went wide. Engaged? It meant giving away my entire life to a person who would most likely cheat on me the first chance he got. 

“Elle, you don’t-”

“Fine. If I do this, you leave them alone?” I asked, cutting off Calum. 

“Yes.”

“You will never threaten them or harm them?” I pressed. 

“I promise,” my dad said. 

“Fine. I’ll get my stuff,” I said, turning around and marching up the stairs. 

The tears fell down my face as I reached the landing. I was defeated, hurt, and exhausted. All I cared about was protecting them from him. There were footsteps following after me as I opened the door to my room.

“Don’t do this,” Luke said, a waiver in his voice. 

I looked up, seeing the tears in his own eyes that matched mine. 

“If I don’t, you lose your dream,” I said, grabbing the clothes from the closet. 

“We can fight this, make it through this,” he argued. 

“No we can’t Luke! If he has that kind of stuff on Ashton, what do you think he has on you or Cal? I won’t let you guys be collateral damage!” I said. 

“Little dove-”

“Don’t. Please don’t.”

I stopped, balling my fists into the pair of shorts in my hands. That nickname meant so much to me. Luke called me it for the first time after he heard me sing and then he kept using it whenever he was saying something nice or being sweet. It was just our thing. He wrapped his arms around me, taking the shorts out of my hands. His short breaths gave away the fact that he was crying too. We were so close to that happiness I wanted and it was all going away. 

“I love you,” he whispered. 

“I love you too.”

He pulled away, pressing his lips against mine shortly before resting his forehead on mine. 

“Don’t walk out the door,” he begged. 

“I have to or else everything you worked so hard for gets ripped from you by that man and I won’t be able to live with myself if that happens,” I said. 

My hands rested on his cheeks, gently running my finger against the stubble growing. This was it. My lips touched his one last time before I went back to grabbing my things. 

“Bugs, you don’t have to do this on your own,” Ashton said from the doorway. 

“Yes I do. You’ll do amazing on the next album,” I said, wiping at my tears. 

“What am I gonna do without you?” he whimpered. 

“I don’t know, but you’ll figure it out.”

He hugged me tightly, putting every last ounce of love into it. 

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, holding on so I didn’t have to let go. 

“Shh, it’s okay.”

After my things were tucked into the suitcase, I gave my last round of hugs. The sound of us all walking down the stairs felt wrong. Everything was wrong. I stopped just short of the door, turning and meeting everyone’s watery eyes. 

“I am so incredibly sorry for this,” I said, the weight of the apology heavy on my heart. 

“Save it dear. They can watch the wedding online,” my dad said, pulling on my arm to get me moving. 

“Don’t touch her!” Luke yelled. 

Everyone stopped again. Things felt like they were going in slow motion. 

“You might be her father, but you will never be her dad. No dad would put his children through this,” he said, voice laced with venom. 

My father smiled at him, letting my arm go. Wesley took my suitcase and nudged Aiden to lead me out of the house. Luke stood there, waiting, but all my father did was smile. Aiden closed the car door after I got in, making me watch Luke stand there as we drove away. Every piece of my heart shattered as I watched him fall to his knees in tears. Timing was a bitch. 

--

TWO MONTHS LATER

LUKE’S POV

“Luke! Come on dude!” Calum yelled from outside my room. 

I had yet to leave my bed and it was already 5 PM. He came by every day to check on me and almost every day, he found me still in bed. 

“Go away!” I yelled back. 

Getting out of bed never felt right or even remotely okay. Since Estelle left, nothing felt right anymore. Everyday was just a different way of going through the motions, barely existing. 

“You gotta get out of bed today,” Calum said, bursting through the door. 

“Why? We don’t have anything to do,” I said, tucking my face into my pillows.

“Maybe, but you haven’t left the house in two months and it’s time you did,” he said, opening the curtains. 

The bright sunshine of L.A. hurt my eyes. Petunia licked my face as she saw the sun. The look Calum gave me felt like one from my mom when I was younger. 

“If I get up, will you leave me alone for the rest of the week?” I asked, slowly sitting up.

“Sure,” he said. 

I knew he was lying from the smile on his face. My feet dragged as I went to the bathroom. Another routine of washing my face, brushing my teeth, and brushing my hair gone. When I came back out, Calum was holding up new clothes. 

“Why?” 

“We are going out so put on something that isn’t sweatpants,” he said. 

I groaned, taking the jeans and button up from him.

“You realize I’m not bringing anyone home right?”

“Yes Luke. Just shut up and get dressed.”

Legs went through the jeans and arms went through the shirt. It was a facade as to the pain that I felt every single day I woke up and remembered I couldn’t be with my person. Calum messed with my hair and patted my back, ushering me out of the house. 

“Be a good girl piggy!” I yelled before Calum closed the door. 

My phone dinged. 

Mentioned: @Luke5SOS when is there gonna be new music?

The muscles in my face relaxed. No tweets from her...again. 

--

ESTELLE’S POV

The setting sun was blinding through the windows of the cafe. Everyone was going about their evenings, enjoying their coffees or teas. A familiar face tucked underneath a hoodie and a baseball hat walked in, the sun behind him making him glow like an angel. 

“One black coffee please,” he said softly. 

Stress from the week of teaching melted away as I listened to him. My iced vanilla latte swirled as I stirred it carefully. The chair squeaked against the tile as he sat down. I met the hazel eyes staring at me. 

“Hey bugs,” he whispered, taking a sip of coffee. 

“Hi there stranger,” I said, a smile slowly coming out. 

“How’s life?” he asked.

“Shitty. I miss you guys,” I said. 

Our hands touched, the slightest bit of relief washed over me. It felt nice to be able to see him again. The weeks we weren’t able to do this seemed to drag on longer than most. It wasn’t easy to forget about the friends I was no longer allowed to see. The moments I had made me feel more guilty than anything else. He turned his palm over, gently squeezing my hand. 

“We miss you too, bugs,” he said. 

I wanted so badly to ask about Luke, but knew it would hurt more than I was prepared for. Ashton squeezed again. 

“He’s doing his best,” he said. 

Tears welled up in my eyes. If Luke was okay then surely, I should be too. 

“How are the kids?” he continued, pulling away.

“Good. They’re still excited about school and spritely,” I said with a shrug. 

“And you?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Holding up. I have to be seen with Aiden once a week so I keep my distance as long as possible until our scheduled outings. He goes around sleeping with women in the off time and pretends to be the perfect fiancé in the meantime. Guess that’s life now.”

“I wish it wasn’t that way,” he said, slightly angry. 

“Ash, you know I don’t have that much of a choice,” I argued. 

“I know, but I hate it. I hate that you can’t come over or see us or come to shows. I hate that we have to tell everyone that we aren’t friends anymore. You’re my best friend and I have to hide you.”

“I should go,” I whispered, suddenly no longer feeling up for talking. 

“Bugs, I didn’t mean to-”

“No, I should go. I’ve got grading and lesson plans,” I said, cutting him off. 

Without looking, I walked out of the cafe. The pain took over once I closed my car door as it always did after seeing Ashton. The relics of the past hurt more and more and when I attempted to go back to normal or confront them, I ended up crying in my car. The amount of times I had driven past Luke’s place just to see if a light was on was ridiculous at this point. My phone screen lit up with a text, my background of me and Luke bringing on more tears. 

Aida: Miss you. Drinks on Friday?

I ignored it, opting for driving home instead. The drive went by like it always did. My house was empty and lonely. Another thing that was meant to be something else. The exhaustion of the day wore on me as I collapsed into the couch cushions, sleep slowly taking over. 

--

The pounding on my front door woke me from the nap I was taking. I groggily got up from the couch and made my way to it, peeking through the window. 

“What the hell are you two doing here?” I asked, finding a very drunk Luke and Calum. 

“Estelle!” Luke cheered, a giant smile on his face. 

“Again, what are you doing here?” I repeated. 

“I might have given your address to the Uber driver on accident,” Calum admitted. 

“Get in here,” I groaned. 

They shuffled inside behind me. I checked the door to see if any of the press had followed them. Calum fell onto the couch, giggling as he did so. Luke kept staring at me. 

“I thought I’d never see you again,” he mumbled. 

“Shush,” I said, helping him into the guest bedroom. 

He giggled as I tucked him in. I put a glass of water on the side table for him in case he woke up. As I went to turn off the light, he grabbed my hand. 

“I missed you little dove,” he whispered. 

His eyes were sincere and it broke every piece of my heart. Luke fell asleep shortly after speaking, his face becoming relaxed and serene. It reminded me of the first time he ever stayed the night at my place. He had slept so soundly that night that he was asleep until one in the afternoon. My heart ached as I looked at him. 

“He still loves you Elle,” Calum said from the doorway. 

I walked towards the door, shutting off the light as I exited and closing the door behind me. 

“I love him too. Now please go rest in the upstairs guest room,” I said with a sigh. 

Calum stumbled his way up the stairs before closing the door. My head fell into my hands, frustration building. The morning couldn’t come fast enough.

A.N: It’s been ages and I feel horrible for leaving this on such a cliffhanger for so long, but I want to finish this story. It’s almost done. It’s mainly all written and it’s time Estelle and Luke get their story told. So here we go.

tag loves: @tommossoccer​ @bbycal​ @cakesunflower​

#d writes #my writing #5sos #5sos fic #5sos fan fic #5sos au #5sos fluff #luke hemmings #luke hemmings fic #luke hemmings fluff #luke hemmings angst #ashton irwin #michael clifford #calum hood #5 seconds of summer #5 seconds of summer fic #5 seconds of summer fluff #5 seconds of summer angst

[jeremys-blogs]

Lumity: A Well-Made Bond

The Owl House has a lot of good things going for it, and I covered a great deal of those things in my last post about it. But there is one aspect about the show that I've come to enjoy possibly more than anything else, and that's the relationship between its central protagonist, Luz Noceda, and supporting character Amity Blight. And before anyone wonders, no, I'm not going to spend this entire thing just fawning over the two and gushing over how adorable I think they are together. But believe me, I am seriously tempted to do exactly that, because hey, just look at that image above. No, as much as all that stuff is true, I truly like this growing bond between the two and how it's developed over the course of the series, with them having started out as being at odds with one another to winding up as so much more. It's been an incredible journey seeing their relationship change in the way that it has, and along the way it's served as an excellent showcase for the character of Amity herself, who is unquestionably one of my favourites in this show's cast. So without further ado, allow me to explain why I feel this relationship is one of the highlights of the show for me.

When Amity is first introduced to us, her very first scene makes us think we know exactly who this girl is going to be for us. She's the typical school bully character. The one who will rival Luz and her friends and push them around whenever they meet. The girl that we'll cheer whenever she faces defeat. Yet despite Amity showing the traits of that character, even in this earliest of moments we see that there's more to her. Yes, she's unkind to Willow, but she's also someone who greatly values hard work, and utterly despises cheaters. And as the episode progresses we may find ourselves siding with her, if only out of principal. Luz and Willow were cheating and lying about what they were doing in order to make the latter look better at her classes than she really was, and no matter how you slice it, Amity losing her spot as top student to someone who only succeed through deception is an unfair thing. Amity's anger was justified, even if we were given nothing else to like about her just now. So while expectations had been set up for her to be an unlikable character, there were already shades of more beneath the surface, and that's something we'd get a lot more of as time went on.

In her next couple of appearances, we started to see Amity outside of the competitive environment of Hexside, and again this brought to light sides of her that wouldn't have been expected. We learn of her ambition to join the Emperor's Coven and her utter glee at the thought of actually succeeding at it. We see her reading to children and actually enjoy doing so, even if she protested at her reasons for doing it. In short, we started to see a great deal of positive traits from her. True, she was still bitter towards Luz, and actions like stepping on King's cupcake certainly weren't called for, but this was definitely the start of her growing out of the bully role she'd been set up for, which is especially interesting considering she'd only had one episode in that spot. Yet her time with Luz in both episodes, Covention and Lost in Language, shows them both growing closer, with Amity acknowledging that there's more to her than just being a cheat in the former, and recognising and appreciating that she herself hadn't been the nicest of people in the latter. The two weren't friends by this point, but it definitely laid the groundwork for them to become such later on.

Then, after the long hiatus of the show, we got Adventures in the Elements, where the connection between Amity and Luz has apparently blossomed into a full-blown friendship. Whatever animosity had been between them had gone by this point, and they were both excited at the prospect of actually going to the same school together. Amity had come to recognise by now that Luz works just as hard as she does when it comes to learning magic, even if she wasn't as far along in her skills as she was, and the fact that they shared common interests, most notably their love for the Azura book series, gave Amity possibly the first genuine friend she's had in a very long time. But there were still bumps in the road for her and Luz, especially then the latter stole her training wand for her own purposes. And on a side note, I understand that Luz was likely frustrated with her own training, but that was still the most disappointed I'd ever been in her by that point. Still, those problems were worked through, and much like with the "library incident" the two worked together to successfully overcome the big danger of the episode, resulting in Luz learning her second spell and Amity looking forward to their time as classmates.

After this, we wouldn't see much of Amity during Luz's early time in Hexside, but her next big inclusion in the story came in one of the season's best episodes, Understanding Willow, where we're given not only another great instance of Amity and Luz working together, but also giving us a full explanation as to why Amity was the way she was towards Willow during their first appearance. It is revealed that Amity distancing herself from her was the result of an apparently abusive household, where the Blight's family status pressured her to associate only with more powerful witches. Her parents even went so far as to threaten to keep Willow out of school should Amity continue to be friends with her. So in the end, it turns out that Amity's cruelty was done so Willow actually had a chance of getting into Hexside in the first place. Now, this is a terrible thing for children to go through, both Willow and Amity, and the latter's parents rightly deserve a good smack for treating their daughter that way. But while Amity's words and actions towards Willow were bad, they became understandable, as they were hiding a greater cruelty behind them. It doesn't excuse Amity for how she was with Willow at the start of the show, but it does put it in a new light. And additionally, I appreciate how this didn't automatically become a renewed friendship with Willow when all was said and done, as such things take time to heal.

And then, we came to the big one. Enchanting Grom Fright. This was it, the big Lumity moment that had the fandom screaming and squealing with joy over finally seeing those two cinnamon rolls get together. And I'd be dishonest if I said I wasn't wearing the biggest smile on my face when I saw that episode play out. Luz and Amity's moments together, especially that now-famous dance sequence, were immediately enjoyable to watch and have likely been re-watched over a dozen times now. But it also served as a pretty definitive marker that Amity's feelings towards Luz had developed far beyond friendship by this point. So much so that her greatest fear was being rejected by her, either in general or for the dance specifically. There had been hints of that liking before this, but this episode confirmed it. And what I love about it is that a lot of groundwork had been established beforehand to make it work. It wasn't just them being friends after the library and then instant crush. Time had been taken to bring us to this point, so that when they finally went together in that incredible dance, it was a moment that the show had fully earned for itself.

Now, before, I go any further with what happens with Amity in the show, I feel like I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the point of LGBT representation in this show. Now, I am by no means someone who is qualified to speak on matters like this, but if I'm going to talk about a same-sex relationship like this I feel it's sort of unavoidable. Obviously I'm happy that Disney is doing this, regardless of whether or not it's their first such relationship on-screen. I have no idea if it is, given all the news I've heard of other "firsts" in Disney media. But I think what's especially interesting about this is that it's taking place in a story where the themes and ideas sort of align with those kinds of relationships. Remember, as I mentioned in my last Owl House discussion, one of the big ideas of the Boiling Isles is that it's a society where those who deviate from the norm are looked down on or punished severely, and I don't think I'm wrong in saying that that's a situation that a lot of LGBT people can identify with. So having this relationship take place against that sort of backdrop seems like an ideal match, though I'm not sure if that's a specific idea the writers had for it.

Once we got Grom out of the way, Amity continued to be a good and enjoyable character, but her development, it had to be said, wasn't as profound after the big dance. Outside of learning that she had past regrets from hurting her former grudgby teammates, the only things new with her is that her feelings for Luz have reached such a point that she's driven to an almost blubbering, incoherent state whenever she's close to her. Naturally, this is as hilarious and endearing as you'd expect, and was easily one of the more entertaining aspects of the Wing it Like Witches episode. However, it also showed a rather unfortunate point about this crush she has on Luz, and that's that Luz herself seems oblivious to it. Sure, that's great for comedy, but it does present the worry that Amity's romantic leanings towards her might not be fully reciprocated. As a shipper myself, this is troublesome, but objectively speaking I can't say it's a real problem with the episode or the relationship. Indeed, having it turn out that Luz doesn't feel the same way, and then Amity having to deal with it with the two still maintaining a friendship has the potential for a good episode down the line, so on that note we'll likely just have to wait and see.

When that was over, we reached pretty much the end of Amity's inclusion in season one. Aside from a few cameo appearances showing her recovering from her grudgby injury, she wouldn't make another appearance in the story. Now, as someone who very much likes this character, this was disappointing, but I do understand wanting to downplay her. She had, after all, pretty much dominated the story for the last few episodes, so I can appreciate wanting to ease off her for a while and get back to the main cast. As far as her relationship to Luz is concerned, we'll have to wait until the show's second season to see where it goes, though I can predict some interesting things between them given how the season ended. Luz is now officially an enemy of Emperor Belos, the leader Amity has spent her life trying to enter into the service of, and that, coupled with Luz's likely dislike of the man, with probably lead to some conflicted feelings between the two girls. I truly hope this doesn't sour the connection they've established, but like with a lot of things brought on by the season finale, that's all up in the air right now. I've known the struggle of waiting for new season before, and I can go through it again.

The Owl House has a lot of great things to talk about, and while I may feel differently about it as time goes on, for now I really do enjoy the character of Amity a lot. The way she's written, the way she breaks out of the expectations we might have started out for her, the way she slowly grew closer to the rest of the cast, to finally developing feelings for our main heroine, it was all a delight to watch. I might even go so far as to say that, when it comes to school rival characters, she may be among the best I've ever seen, if only by virtue of how enjoyable she's been. Like with everyone else in this cast, Amity has been a stellar inclusion, and though I worry about how she'll be handled when the Owl House eventually returns to us, for now I'm very satisfied with what we've seen of her thus far. Lumity may not, as I may have indicated earlier, be the objective best thing about this show, but it continues to bring a smile to my face. And I think we can all agree that, in times like this, finding something that makes us feel happy should be treasured as much as possible 🥰

#essay #writing #my stuff #disney #the owl house #shipping #luz noceda #amity blight #lumity

[queeranesearch]

 @harutheestallion Thank you so much for the tag, Arthur!! I kith you, mwah!

(This ended up being way longer than I thought it’d be bc I got so caught up in talking about OTHER people’s writing lmfao, so I’m putting a ‘keep reading’)

Prompt - share your:

First fic: Uuugh god..When I was 11/12 I was really into Attack on Titan, and in my Year 8 English Lit class we had lessons where we did creative writing so of course I wrote an Armin-centric high-school AU. It haunts me to this day but it was so funny to read again later on. But the first fic I actually posted online was a Moomin one, back in 2019. Moomins was (and still is thb) a big comfort media for me, and it always helped me feel better when I was going through some really bad anxiety. I was also very insecure about my writing and hadn’t written anything in years, but I was very attached to the characters and there wasn’t that much content of them so I thought “Fuck it. This is gonna be very self-indulgent. If other people like it then great, but really this is for me.” I did end up getting way more kudos and comments than I thought I would and loads of lovely comments. I read it again a little while ago and the writing is a but rusty, and my paragraphing isn’t great, but it’s really sweet and I had a lot of fun writing it and I think that shines through.

Favourite fic: Dude, I cannot pick one favourite fic, so I’m gonna list a few that came to mind: Hooked by @listless-brainrot - aka THE jetru fic. I will forever scream about List’s writing. The way he’s able to take such a character with one episode, and see the potential pour so much life into him is amazing. He writes Haru with so much nuanced realness, and seeing things though his perspective makes for such an immersive read and gives beautiful insight into his thoughts and wants. I cannot recommend it enough.

Sing a little louder, laugh a little softer by @chief-yue - Such lovely fic exploring the music of cultures ATLA was inspired by. I had the biggest smile on my face reading this; Katrina really captures the dynamic of the Gaang wonderfully, and her descriptions are vivid and heartwarming. 

Two Sturdy Oaks by @rileyblxu - A Dead Poets Society fic and one of my comfort fics ajklasd. The author writes Neil and Todd perfectly; Like if you told me this fic was actually deleted scenes from the movie I would believe you 100%. The dialogue between all the characters is spot on, and the trusting relationship both Neil and Todd have with Mr Keating is so heart-warming to read, and the descriptions were so tender and full of so much love and pining,,dude I actually cried a little. PLUS the use of poems at the beginning of the chapters?? Absolutely iconic for setting the tone. Love it.

Not Ready To Make Nice by @harutheestallion - Tagging you twice hehe. Arthur’s characterization of Jet kills me DEAD. They have so many little nuanced details about Jet, but also how he sees other people and the world around him. They have such a strong grasp on his character; every action he makes in this fic is written cleverly wand with such clear thought put behind it, and Jet’s perseverance and bitterness but also his kindness and desire to protect others really shines through. And HAMA. She’s written perfectly too; so similar to Jet in many ways but also more ‘jaded’ and less hopeful. Their dynamic is so interesting to read and watching them become gradually closer is so lovely.

Henna by @miannmian - I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; Simran is the QUEEN of fluff. This is one of their shorter works, but it’s packed of such tender characterization. The descriptions are written with so much care and warmth, you can practically feel the love these Jet and Haru have for each other. It’s sweet, it’s domestic, and it makes my heart swell each time I read it.

Can’t Make An Omelette by @citron-ella - A Good Omens fic, but focused on The Them! GO fics that aren’t primarily about Aziraphale and Crowley are hard to come by, so I was delighted when I came across this one, particularly as The Them are my personal faves from the book/show. This fic is so sweet and funny in little nuanced ways. Children are hard to write, especially slightly older ones, but this author wrote them wonderfully; they really captured the lovely curious and mischievous nature of The Them, and each one of the kids was written perfectly in character. The descriptions set the scenes well, and they have a sweet, nostalgic sort of tone to them; it reminds me of what kid’s books used to be like years ago, there’s an Enid Blyton(and I’d even say a Terry Pratchet) like charm to it. And I adore the little detail of Brian being curious about Pollution being non-binary, and recognizing something similar in himself; it was so heart-warming. I also loved the bit at the end where Pepper knowingly acknowledges Brian’s interest in being non-binary; it’s a nice subtle way of showing their friendship and how they pay attention to each other.

Most Recent fic: A jetru oneshot, “Kiss Me?”. It’s pretty simple and fluffy; the lads having their first kiss. To be honest, it’s one of those fics I have a love-hate relationship with; looking back at it there are so many ways I’d rewrite it and make it better, but there are some nice bits there too. 

Fic with most notes: My moomin one I mentioned earlier. It’s called “To Have a Family is an Awfully Complicated Thing”. A VERY wordy title, and again, there a loads of things I wish I could change and do better( I have actually been contemplating rewriting it) but it’s very close to my heart, and I’m glad other people liked it too.

A line or two from a wip: Man, I have SO many wips it’s embarrassing. Here’s a modern Yueki thing I was doing: They didn't know how Yue spent lunchtimes at school in the library, hidden behind the back shelves, reading poetry books held together with thick brown tape; Shakespeare, Dickinson, Keats, Wordsworth, their words lovely yet so disconnected from her; how within the whole breadth of the romantics she could not find one to attach to; how with no great authors to turn to, she put her own pen to paper, spilling thoughts of brown hair and dark eyes, of a face that freckled in the sun, of a laugh that filled her stomach flip with a delightful queasiness, of how her heart ached for the girl that cleaned her grazed knee for her when she was six. ‘Oh dear.’ Yue fiddled with the bag in her lap, zipping it up, zipping it down. ‘There’s no going back now, is there?’

Favourite character to write for (and why): Hmm, I think Yue and Jet, both from ATLA. Something about them just clicks with me; I love Yue to bits and wish we could’ve had more of her in the show, so I love exploring her character beyond being the Moon Princess. I also adore Jet and will forever be angry about how he dirty they did him in the show. Writing him is actually quite challenging, but in a way I enjoy, and I enjoying pushing myself to explore the nuance and depth he had in the show. 

Character(s) you find hard to write: Hm.. I’d say Toph. I love Toph so much but I find it difficult to really capture her strength and rowdiness, but also her compassion and her softer side. 

I’ve tagged a few people in this already, so if they wanna do this feel free to! Also you. Reading this. Consider yourself tagged; I wanna hear about your writing. 

#shush jas #jas has a pen #note to self: finish wips

[tuiyla]

She-Ra’s like, really good, people

It’s been over a week since She-Ra season 5 came out and I binged it and this is not going to be coherent but I just want to rant about it a bit before writing some more structured metas. I deffo wanna write about Catradora and how I think SPoP is the true spiritual successor to the Avatar.

But first, let me just scream about how good this show is. I already started rewatching it, pretty much straight after finishing it, and I don’t rewatch tv shows often. The exception is Avatar (seen it like 15 times) and sitcoms. But She-Ra is so layered that I felt like I needed to watch it again just to appreciate the dynamics even more.

I already enjoyed the first season but it kept getting better and better. I’m not in love with the art style and it’s definitely for a younger demographic overall than my other favourite animated shows, but like any good kids’ show it balances tone well. It doesn’t talk down to its target demographic but also includes more traditionally mature themes in a digestible and entertaining way. Not all the jokes landed for me but as the series went on I learned to appreciate the tone and the type of humour She-Ra goes for.

It’s funny to me because this is definitely the type of show I would have rejected as a kid, with all the princesses I would have deemed it “too girly” and therefore not for me because screw gender roles. There’s a degree of internalized sexism to that, for sure, a rejection of the feminine because it’s always been seen as less somehow. But there’s also a truth that, at least in my childhood of the late 90s and early 00s, children’s media targeted at girls often had a poor quality to it, at least when compared to “boys’ stuff”.

She-Ra is not only a clever, heartfelt, complex story, it also transcends that binary of having to be either for girls or boys. I know most of modern animation rejects that as well, but She-Ra embraces so many traditionally feminine qualities while also going beyond gender roles and even the gender binary. This show is so queer, man, and I love it. It’s especially impressive when you consider the source material that was literally just the girly version of He-Man. I have no beef with 80s She-Ra, haven’t seen much of it, but this is such an upgrade.

That being said, I would have loved to watch She-Ra as a kid. I’m so incredibly envious of kids, aged around 10, who get to watch this show as they’re growing up. But I am so, so, so happy for them and for the future of animation that shows like She-Ra can be made now, that they’re being made. I’m going to go into spoilers soon, but just before that: She-Ra’s a perfectly enjoyable show in many aspects. I think the worldbuilding’s pretty cool, the story feels coherent and planned out, it’s lighthearted and so genuine. That’s the word that I ultimately choose to describe the series: genuine.

I feel like so much of TV aims to be dark and gritty nowadays, animation included, and though that’s slowly turning to dark comedy or a balance between fun and serious, it’s still the norm. At some point in the last decade, creators became terrified of being judged as cheesy. Even something like the MCU bathes in bathos to avoid being cheesy. But She-Ra proves that creators shouldn’t be afraid of being genuine, of basing characters and storylines on the simple power of love. Like, it’s such a cliché trope but I think that’s mostly because it has become stale.

Noelle Stevenson has talked about the importance of love in her story and I’m so grateful for that. Through, She-Ra, she’s truly proven how powerful love can be in a story and how it doesn’t have to be cheesy. It’s just so unabashedly genuine. The power of love and friendship literally saves the day several times but it’s always so genuine and more importantly it always makes sense that it doesn’t get boring. If the foundation wasn’t there, then I’d say “well this is just super cheesy”. But the show makes a point of building relationships and making them the focal point of the story.

Alright, so, spoilers because I need to talk about character arcs and THAT KISS and just everything. I really need to write more in depth about Adora and Catra and their relationship but for now I feel like it’s so important to appreciate how they’re developed. Everything from their shared childhood to their trauma with Shadow Weaver and the finding their way back to each other, it’s just *chef’s kiss*. It’s so well-written and believable. Ngl, I do have some minor issues with Catra’s redemption arc. Let’s just say that on a scale from Kylo Ren to Zuko, she’s definitely closer to Zuko. I also appreciate Shadow Weaver’s death scene and how it allows them to move on. I didn’t see that one as Death as Redemption and it shouldn’t be. Again and again the show made it clear that she was abuse towards both girls and nothing will negate that.

From what I can tell, the fandom really latched onto Catra, even when it wasn’t clear whether she’d get a redemption arc. I think that’s important, because unlike some characters in animation, Catra’s actions were almost always framed appropriately. There was always an understanding as to where she’s coming from, how she’s acting from a place of hurt, and yet her actions weren’t justified. They weren’t suddenly all okay just because she’s hurt, too. I especially loved in the season 3 finale when Adora was allowed to finally say no, to say that Catra’s actions were not her fault. That season as a whole was beautiful, like, episode three when Adora’s struggling so much and Catra has the opportunity for a better life but she still fails to choose her own happiness because she’s too bitter over SW and Adora? It’s poetic cinema. I love that angst, so well done.

It would be so easy to misfire in Catra’s storyline and either a) write off all the awful things she does because she’s just “misunderstood” or b) irredeemably stuck in her abusive environment with no hope of escape. They balanced quite well there and managed to handle such a complex character with delicacy. I’m quite happy with how Catra was portrayed because on the one hand, she’s painfully relatable to me and I assume to many others. The audience can see their own mistakes reflected in her character because we’ve all been too stubborn, done things out of spite, refused to acknowledge that we were wrong because we were hurting so much. At the same time, I always felt like the show gave me enough space to judge Catra’s actions and acknowledge that she was in the wrong. I honestly think I would have been a better adjusted teenager is if saw this show just before my angsty years, lol.

I’m going to write more about Adora at some other point but I love how vulnerable she’s allowed to be. Protagonists never used to be my favourite characters because they all seemed the same, with two major categories: the stereotypical male hero who can do no wrong or the angsty boi who can be shitty and the text still frames him as awesome. It’s only recently with series like The Legend of Korra and She-Ra that I go “damn, protagonists can be like that, huh.” Adora is a dumb jock who tries so hard and she deserves all the hugs in the world.

Also, Catradora? Breathtaking, amazing, groundbreaking. No doubt She-Ra needed shows like Adventure Time, LoK, Steven Universe and the likes to pave the way but still, it went there. I saw people be anxious about whether they were gonna be queerbaited, but I always, idk, knew? Trusted? That She-Ra would follow through. I didn’t wait six years for Bubbline to happen for Catradora to not get their big damn kiss. The series has been so effortlessly queer from the get-go that it just made sense that they were always heading there. I did see a gif of the kiss before watching s5 and ngl, that spoiler kind of bummed me out in a way that I wanted to be surprised. But even before I saw that I wasn’t worried. And the context of their journey in season 5? That cannot be spoiled by a simple gif. You have to experience that to fully appreciate it and that is the marker of good storytelling.

I understand that, though this should be the norm by now, Noelle Stevenson still had to be smart about how she approached the execs and she wasn’t sure this could happen. I cannot tell you how happy I am about what she said regarding how Catradora was so integral to the story that the execs couldn’t not allow it. That’s so brilliant, and it feels so natural in the story. Queer love saves the day and it’s not ambiguous, it cannot be censored because you lose a part of the story without it. You did it, Noelle, you funky little lesbian, what an icon. I can’t wait to see more stuff from her.

In other news, I appreciated other characters as well, like how all the princesses got to be different and awesome in their own unique way. Season 5 was great for so many characters, Mermista got so much to work with and Spinnerella and Netossa got so much more characterization than in previous seasons. Glimmer continued to be the third most important character in the story and I’m happy about all the relationships that also got to be canon. Good characters and dynamics all around, no wonder since the show is built on that.

Such a satisfying conclusion and one that makes you feel like this is just part one of a much bigger story. Such genuine, heartfelt moments, well-developed characters, complex themes explored in a respectful and digestible way, and such an unapologetically fun show. Melissa Fumero as a side character? Yes please. Catra’s new haircut? Heck yeah! She-Ra’s new design? Oh my.

I’m not even like, super into She-Ra, and I usually don’t write so much about things I only watch casually. But this show is so good and important that I had to rant. And I will write more about it eventually, but for now I needed to get all of this out. I’d give it a better structure but if I really get into I might never end up posting it so for now here, have this ramble of love. She-Ra, of all shows, deserves that.

#she-ra #spop #she-ra and the princesses of power #catradora #spop spoilers #my thoughts #that's pretty much it for now

[reylo-trash-4ever]

HELLO REYLO FAM!!!

Wow... I am incredibly nervous about posting this because I haven’t shared my writing in years, but the incredible @lana-n95 gave me the idea when I made my prompts post, and I just rolled with it and made it an entire fic. SO HERE YA GO! 

Shout out to @scav-eng-er for being my Reylo Soul Mate and literally giving me the courage to do this!! I couldn’t ask for a better support group in @mojona1999 and @firethebluesky as well! You lovely people are who keep me going and I promise I’m working on getting us all a group chat so we can be friends for life.

This will be updated fairly regularly, but please do not expect a lot yet. I’m working towards bi-weekly, but for right now, this is all I have. I hope you enjoy! EEK!!

“The Game” - a Reylo AU

Universe: AU/Modern day New York

Rating: M (this chapter only has some mild language and sexual themes)

Word Count: 3629

Pairing: Rey and Ben Solo

PART ONE:

The New York winds were especially biting that December morning as Rey made her way through the bustling streets of the city. She wove in and out of passersby as everyone went about their day, each individual having separate lives, separate troubles, and separate dreams.

Rey had quite a few dreams of her own, but they were sometimes hard to make into reality. She had worked her ass off to get to where she was today, though. It was a great and classic story; a ‘nobody’ girl who came from the rural countryside making it big in the city. She’d always been passionate about helping people and doing what she could for the underdog, probably because she had felt like one all her life. Nobody thought she could do it, but she graduated at the top of her class in almost every subject, excelled in sports, and even dabbled in the theatrical arts when she had time. Her determination and hard work didn’t leave room for many friendships, but she didn’t mind putting all of that behind her when she moved to the city to study law.

College was good to her. She finally met some people she would call lifelong friends. She studied hard, and she learned harder. She was still kind of a ‘loner’ at heart, never really being the person to be seen out at parties, bars, or clubs. Every once in awhile she let herself go crazy, but it was rare. So much so that her friends started calling her “The Black Cat” because it was such a shock, and slightly unnerving, whenever she actually showed up to events. She knew the superstitions and implications surrounding a black cat, and she easily could have taken offense at the nickname, but Rey secretly liked it. Let her be known for her sly, hard work and mystery, not how well liked and popular she was or wasn’t.

It was this mentality that ultimately landed her a job as an intern at Skywalker and Associates straight out of college. It was a miracle from the stars that she got accepted into one of the top law firms in the state so soon after graduating. She didn’t really believe in a “higher power”, but something up there in the infinite galaxies must have been on her side. She knew she was good, and had the potential to be the best, but she had never before had the resources due to her upbringing. The opportunity was something she would never be ungrateful for.

It had been almost eight months since she started interning, and already she was making her way up in the company. Her dedication to cases and her keen eye for detail had gained her the attention of some of the more prominent names in the office and she hoped it was enough to be the next Jr. Partner.

Rey pulled off the street to step into a small coffee shop. A little bell chimed as she pushed open the door and the wondrous smells filled her nose as she took a deep breath in. The warmth filled her body and was almost a shock coming from such a drastic difference only seconds before, but she welcomed the comfort.

She stepped in line and perused the menu, even though she already knew what she wanted. It was the same thing she always got - a french press, dark roast with just a little bit of half and half - as she was a woman of pattern and repetition. Getting the same thing day in and day out had never bothered her. It was safe, it was what she knew. Why risk something that would rock the boat? Even though she didn’t normally believe in “luck”, she didn’t want to risk it today. This was her chance to finally start doing real cases and to work on projects that would make a difference.

“Would you like to round up your order and donate to the Children’s Hospital for the holidays?”

The barista’s voice took her out of her own head after she had apparently told them her order without thinking. Rey smiled and nodded her head quickly in response. She felt in a ‘giving mood’ that morning. Send as much “good karma” out into the universe as she could.

“Thank you so much, and have a nice day!”

The words faded into the hustle and bustle of the crowd as Rey stepped away and waited for her drink. She dug her phone out of her pocket and soon got lost in social media, scrolling mindlessly. Friends and distant family passed her screen, seeming to all be living happy and comfortable lives with their loved ones.

Rey had always wished for that kind of security and ‘home’. It was one of the reasons she worked as hard as she did, so she could hopefully someday give that life to herself. The one she never had, but always wanted. Her mother passed away when she was in grade school and her father left before she was even born. Being an only child, her uncle had offered to take her in, but he was a bachelor with a demanding job and very little time for another human being besides himself. He wasn’t the worst person in the world and they got along well enough, he was just never really much of a ‘parental figure’. She learned early on that she would have to find her own place in the world, and her fierce determination was set from that moment on.

She didn’t know why this was the morning of reminiscing, but something about the possibility of change must have had her brain in that mode. Rey brushed off the weirdness as she got up out of her seat after hearing her name being called. She made her way through the crowded cafe and grabbed her coffee.

She turned to leave, thanking the employee behind the counter again over her shoulder, when suddenly, she was almost knocked off her feet by an incoming stranger. She caught herself and her coffee, thankful for the lid stuck solidly to the cup, and turned around with a glare.

A tall man with broad shoulders and dark, shoulder length hair had been the culprit. His tall frame towered over her, but he seemed intent on barely even acknowledging her in his attempt to rush past. She caught his attention though, and he turned to look back at her over his shoulder. Rey, astounded by the audacity of the stranger, continued to glare and silently dared him to apologize for the discrepancy.

The man simply blinked at her for the briefest of moments, a glint in his dark eyes as they gazed back at her with an air of pride and so little remorse that it sent a shiver down her spine. Then, without a word, he continued on his way as if he had never hit her at all.

Rey scoffed angrily and whipped around on her heels as quickly as she could to get out of the coffee shop, now with a sour taste in her mouth. Some people are just assholes, she concluded as she once again walked out the door. A gust of blistering cold air hit her face and she closed her eyes. She tightened her scarf around her neck and pulled it up so that it was covering her nose, trying to shelter as much of her face as she could. God, she hated the cold...

***

It was as busy as always at the office. Rey quickly got lost in her work, and she didn’t realize how much time had passed before she heard her co-worker, Rose, calling her name.

“Do you ever take a break?”

The short cropped, black haired girl crossed her arms over the top of Rey’s desktop computer, forcing her to break from her work. She couldn’t help but smile when looking up into her ever cheerful, grinning face.

“I don’t have time for a break,” Rey said, trying to see past the distraction.

“I admire your dedication,” Rose stood on her tiptoes to lean over and look at Rey’s computer upside down. She was one of Rey’s favorite coworkers. Unlike the other women, she didn’t sit around the office and gossip all day, but had just about as much dedication to her job as Rey did. Well, almost as much.

“Did you hear about Rex and Ava?”

“Oh my God, no! Did they hook up?”

The chatter of the women standing behind them was too much for Rey. The office was notorious for rumors, especially of the romantic kind. Apparently, the people who worked there were infatuated with who was dating who, who had an affair with who, and who slept with who. Personally, Rey wanted nothing to do with it and couldn’t care less about the love lives of her coworkers. Unless it was Rose, but one of the things Rey liked about her was that she was pretty private and kept her personal life separate from her work life.

“I heard they got lunch yesterday and-”

“That’s crazy! I thought she was seeing that Lando guy from Brooklyn-”

“Look,” Rose said, “you eventually have to take a break. You know that, right? It’s bad for your mental health to be so busy all the time. And it’s kind of required by law.”

Rey smiled at her friend. “I know,” she said, placing her palm on Rose’s head and softly pushed it back so that she had to move off of her computer, “and thank you for caring, but I’m alright.”

“You would let me know if you weren’t, right?”

“I heard that the CEO’s son was going to start here in the new year.”

“No way! That arrogant jerk wants nothing to do with his father’s company. And he’s supposedly a real ‘ladies man’.”

“But I heard he’s super attractive and has that ‘rich bad boy’ vibe. Wouldn’t that be so hot?”

“Well, I have to admit, that would be a welcome change around here.”

Rey tried to drown out the distractions of the noises and she managed to plaster another reassuring smile on her face. “Of course I would.”

“It’s a long shot, but we’re all getting drinks at Naboo’s, that new cocktail bar down the street, if you’d like to join us?” Rose asked, motioning to a few of the other women who were all filing behind her and collecting their coats and respective purses. Her dark eyes begged Rey to come along, and she hated to disappoint, but she knew she didn’t want to go.

“I wish I could,” Rey said with a hint of genuine sadness in her voice, “but I just have so much work to do. I was planning on staying a little late tonight anyway.”

“Well, you can’t blame me for trying,” Rose chuckled with a shrug. She turned to leave and gave Rey a little wave over her shoulder.

“Have fun without me,” Rey called after her as she walked away, grabbing her own coat as she passed by the coat rack.

“Would be more fun with you,” Rose teased. There was a small ding and the now collective group of men and women who were leaving for the day clamored into the elevator.

Rey watched as the doors slid shut and just like that, it was silent in the office. She let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding and sighed with relief. It was always nice when she could be here by herself. She found that she got more work done with less distractions. She wouldn’t be there that late anyway and her bosses didn’t mind as long as it helped further the business. Some of them were still working in their own offices, so she wasn’t completely alone.

She grabbed her laptop to take to the conference room and finish some paperwork on a particularly difficult case. Although, she quickly discovered that maybe not taking a single break that day, even to eat, was probably an issue. Her stomach growled and at first she tried to ignore it, but when her hunger headache began, she knew she wouldn’t be able to keep it up for too much longer.

With a long sigh, Rey stood and made her way to the break room. Taking a peek through the floor to ceiling windows, she could see the city all lit up for the evening. There was something special about New York at night, but especially around the holidays. People had candles in their windows and hung colorful lights on balconies and railings and really wherever they could find space. She loved upstate, and not just because of the expensive look of her surroundings and the other rich things it had to offer, but because the city really did look stunning at night. Like a million, twinkling stars, but unlike the unreachable night sky above, if you reached out to touch them, they were almost in your grasp.

***

After making a quick protein filled smoothie, Rey went back to the empty room to finish her work. Only, when she got there, she discovered that she was not alone.

A man lounged in her chair, his back towards her. Without even seeing him standing, she could tell how tall he was just by how far his legs extended out from under him. He was sitting with his feet propped up on another chair close to him, one leg crossed over the other, and he was staring at her open laptop. The light from the screen illuminated his frame and she couldn’t see past his thick shoulders and broad upper torso. Something about him was so familiar to her, but she didn’t care enough to think too deeply on it as her focus was more caught on how he was snooping in on her personal case.

“Excuse me, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” She said sharply, expecting to see him jump in surprise at being caught, but he didn’t move a muscle. Instead, she heard a calm, deep voice come from the opposite side of his large body.

“I’m reading.”

The response was simple, but the tone of it made her feel like she was the stupid one for even having asked the question in the first place.

“That’s my laptop,” she said plainly, taken off guard and not knowing how else to react.

“Is it? That’s interesting,” the man sounded bored and Rey thought for a second that he didn’t even seem to be listening to her at all.

“I’m sorry, but can I have my seat back? I was working on an important case.” Rey took a few defiant steps closer, trying to be as brave as she could. Something about this man unnerved her and she was suddenly very aware that she was alone with a stranger in an almost completely empty and dark room.

“I can see that,” he said, reaching a hand up to his face and rubbing his chin, “you’ve missed something important in your report though.” He still didn’t turn to her, but his other hand appeared beside him and he wiggled two fingers, motioning for her to come over to him. Rey felt her face heat with anger and embarrassment. How dare this strange man try to correct her on her case. Who did he think he was, anyway?!

Against her better judgement, Rey couldn’t suppress her pride and she realized she had to know what he was talking about. She’d looked over this case for almost an entire week now, and she was sure there was no way she could have missed a thing. It was a pretty cut and dry case, anyway. A man cheated on his fiance and she was suing him, hoping to make him pay for all the money her and her family had already spent on the upcoming wedding.

“What are you talking about?” Rey asked bluntly as she stepped over to the man. She leaned over his shoulder and squinted her eyes in the laptop light, trying to find the discrepancy she was sure was nowhere to be found.

“Right here,” the man’s deep voice was directly in her ear and she could feel his hot breath on her neck, instantly sending shivers down her spine, “the report says that your client’s ex-fiance cheated on her with another woman. That’s a lie.”

“No it’s not, the evidence proved that he was seeing another woman while they were together, and one of the witnesses all but admitted to being his mistress. It’s a cut and dry case.”

“Except that he wasn’t seeing another woman. He was seeing three.”

“Excuse me?!” The accusation was so outrageous that Rey had to turn and give the man the most incredulous look, and when their eyes met, she suddenly remembered where she had seen him before. The scene from that morning in the coffee shop played in her mind like a rerun of a bad TV show. Her breath hitched in her throat as he stared back at her with a wry smile on his lips.

“The sample of hair they found on his suit coat the night of the supposed affair is blonde. The color of your witnesses hair is a muted brunette,” he began to explain his reasonings, never breaking eye contact with Rey while she stared dumbfoundedly back at him.

“That’s only two women. You said there were three.” She stood up straight and looked down on the dark haired man who leaned back further into his seat to keep her gaze. She knew her response was weak, suddenly doubting everything she thought she knew about this case and hating herself for missing something so obvious as that. But she was still determined not to let this stranger get the better of her.

The man’s smile faded and he moved from his seat, slowly getting up. It seemed to take him an impossibly long time to rise, but when he stretched to his full height, he towered at least a good foot above her. He looked down at her with little interest in his eyes, as if he had just gotten bored of their conversation and was bothered by her presence.

Suddenly, he was leaning in towards her and Rey’s hand instinctively grabbed the pepper spray she carried in her jacket, but the man reached past her and pulled over a plastic baggy full of evidence. Rey’s breathing was heavy with a mixture of fury and fear as he grabbed the bag and pulled it towards him.

“The perfume found in his car is an original vintage bottle of Versace made in 1983. There are only a few of these rare finds left and their price runs around one thousand dollars a pop. Judging from the size of the pocket books on both of the ladies he was seeing, neither of them could afford such a luxury. Which of course suggests that he had another, more prominent and wealthy woman on his hands.”

Rey swallowed hard and tried to keep her expression as blank as she could, but he was making too much and too little sense at the same time, and her head was spinning with confusion. Who did this arrogant bastard think he was to come in here and completely destroy her work like this?

“Not to mention, I happen to know the lovely lady who owns this particular bottle,” his fingers traced the side of the bag and he looked at it with such a perverse smile that it made Rey’s stomach turn, “She can be very… persuasive when she wants something. Her father, who owns a tenth of the real estate in upper Manhattan, will do everything he can to fight the scandal. Which means new, expensive lawyers on the defendants side and probably a lot of shaddy underground work to get him out scotch free. I have a feeling your client isn’t going to get the money, if anything, as easily as she thought.”

The silence that followed was excruciating. Rey was shocked by the revelation and the ridiculous outcome of this case she had been working her life away on. There was no way that they could have hidden this from her, was there? Her mind raced with all the possibilities that this could mean and she scrambled to find a way, any way, to turn this back in her client's favor. Could she beg for a settlement and at least get some money to the poor, mistreated woman? Or maybe she could convince the judge that this was a gross misuse of trust and blame emotional manipulation? There had to be something, anything...

“Or,” the low drawl of the man’s voice as he drew out the word snapped Rey out of her spiral. His black eyes glittered once again with something she couldn’t place and the corner of his mouth twitched up in a cocky smile as he wiggled the evidence in his hand, “this could just be a regular old department store perfume bottle and I was simply fucking with you.”

Another silence filled the room and Rey found she couldn’t breathe again. What… the… hell had he just said?

“I-I’m sorry, what?” She hissed her question and the smile on the man’s face grew wider.

“That was fun, sweetheart,” his condescending words made Rey’s blood boil, “let’s do this again sometime. When I need comic relief in this shithole of a job, I’ll look for you.” He stretched his arms behind his neck and sauntered around her, making his way out of the room. He stopped in the doorway and turned over his shoulder to give her a taunting wink.

“See you around.”

*to be continued*

#reylo #reylo au #reylo modern au #rey nobody #ben solo #kylo ren #rey x ben #ben x rey #star wars #sw #the sequals #star wars episode 8 #star wars episode ix: the rise of skywalker #star wars episode 9 #star wars episode vii: the force awakens #star wars episode viii: the last jedi #tros #tlj #tfa #star wars episode 7 #the rise of skywalker #the force awakens #the last jedi #daisy ridley #addam driver #rose tico #rey x kylo ren #reylo fanfiction #reylo fic #my writing

[legmanns-moved]

Why I don’t interact with @gam.iru_ on Instagram

@gam.iru (idk what name they use) is a mestize puerto rican user who I have beef with because of their repeated instances of antiblack racism and racism against korean people, inappropriate sexual behavior, bullying of others, and a lot of other stuff. This post is going to act as my catch-all post explaining my reasons for no longer wishing to associate with them or their friends. I am not trying to “ruin their life” or intentionally make them look bad... they make themself look bad.

One of my main issues with them during the time that we were friends was their frequent use and defense of nonblack people, themself included, using the terms n*gga and n*gger. The first instance of the N word was in a group chat that we had back in early-mid 2018 for Cookie Run fans, where they would on occasion refer to certain individuals(cartoon characters, public figures, etc.) as "that n/gga", and then once I or another user called them out for it they'd insist that they were in the wrong headspace, failing to address the bigger issue.

To add from that, one of the things that lead to the termination of our friendship was their repeated defense of the use of the term "n/gger sugar" in a song by the band Queen, and continuing to listen to this song and mock me for it making me uncomfortable. This term is obviously racist, and there's never any reason for a nonblack person to use or defend it. From what I've been told byother users, gam.iru is claiming that they refused to listen to the song in question. I can confirm that gam.iru did not, in fact, avoid songs that contained the term n*gger. Their choosing to listen to the offending song in question was what made me first criticize the action. This first altercation (the first time I've called them out for the n word, not the first time it was used) was on April 17, 2019 at around 6 am EST, so 5 am for them.

Even if they were telling the truth with avoiding offending songs, it is still beyond inappropriate of them to try to defend or justify the use of this term by a nonblack individual, or furthermore claim that other individuals' actions are not racist because they don't think they're racist. Especially to me, a black person. Nonblack people do not get to dictate what is and is not considered antiblack racism, or try to tone police black people when speaking on antiblack racism. gam.iru did this on numerous occasions.

Another one of the things that they did was repeated racialized hateful remarks towards east asian musicians, specifically korean artists. Apparently, they've tried to justify this by citing that hating on kpop was a trend at the time, but the trend originated from racialized xenophobia and they knew that and simply didn't care. They repeatedly made comments lumping all korean people into one category, mocking korean artists, and all that, which is still racist regardless of intent. Using a racist meme doesn't excuse racism, and that was one of my problems with them. They also did this to a lesser extent with Japanese musicians who I listened to at the time, but I didn't mention that since their fixation seemed to be specifically on Korean people. They went a step further from simply "not liking" kpop to the mockery of korean people, bringing this up every single time other people in the group chat mentioned anything korean ,and making racist remarks.  This was my issue.

(please note that the screenshot where I call them Jack is from 2018, before they chose the name Carlos. I don't intend to deadname them, this is just a really old message. To update, they no longer go by Carlos either, and I don’t know what their new name is.)

The idea that Western artists represent and own the concept of free expression while Asian artists are "starved" and are always forced to suffer is not only racist propaganda, but dishonest. The implication that this is merely a Korean issue, when many corporations such as Disney or Atlantic Records have had repeated issues with pedophilia, abuse, and censorship of their own stars, is therefore racist no matter how you spin it. You cannot criticize the kpop industry while actively supporting the western music industry as if there's nothing wrong, which is something gam.iru has done. The entire trend of hating kpop was something started by mostly white men to emasculate east Asian men and mock them, citing that they "look the same", and mock teenage girls for liking these stars. Gam.iru , to date, has never apologize for making comments like this, or apologized to my friend, another black user, for her art "looking like a kpop stan's", and repeatedly inserting themselves into conversations discussing her interest in korean artists. All of this was done while spamming the chat with pictures of Queen (and occasionally other offending artists), whom Sharon and I had previously denounced as being antiblack in some form. I can assure you, since I was there for all of this, that gam.iru was not speaking from a place of supposed concern for Korean artists when they made these comments, but rather simply being an ass. 

To continue, the reason that their fetishization of dark skin was included in this list, is due to this being an aspect of racism. Talking about how you have a "preference" or whatever for dark skin while repeatedly engaging in antiblack racism and making comments about how hard it is to draw natural hair is disturbing. The fetishization of features associated with blackness, such as dark skin is weird as hell, and I personally take issue with it as a dark skinned person. It may not seem as significant to you, but comments like that make my skin crawl, as fetishistic racism is rather dehumanizing when you're at the receiving end of it.As someone who is dark skinned and female-presenting, I can say that the amount of sexual exploitation that dark skinned black girls go through because of this obsession with our bodies and features is incomprehensibly harmful to our psyche and self image. This fetishistic racism is also known as exoticism, which is what leads to people breeding for the aesthetic (people having mixed race children because they're "prettier") and white people adopting children of color for the Aesthetic, leading to psychologically damaged children who often times will have identity issues, be divorced from the culture, and in the case of white/poc mixed kids raised by white parents, be self hating towards the poc parent's race. This entire supposed "preference" for dark skin, juxtaposed with the fact that they have /only/ dated fairly pale white people is disturbingly fetishistic and made me and other black people who were in group chats with them violently uncomfortable.

Other racist aspects of their behavior during and after our friendship would be their frequent digital blackface and seeming mockery of mentally ill black people, as well as overuse (and misuse) of AAVE and treating black people as the punchline to many of their jokes. I can't explain what digital blackface is well in my own words, but it can be boiled down to a frequent use of black people and the black image as your way of "expressing yourself" (comments like your "inner black girl" or what have you), as a means of further commodifying the black image. Some articles/videos that explain it better than me: [X, X, X]

  In regards to mentally ill people, one of gam.iru's favorite subjects of ridicule until only recently (the past 3 months) was a mentally ill black woman who goes by Peaches online. She is a victim of repeated physical and sexual abuse who achieved notoriety in 2017(?) after running away from her home and making money through creating shock videos of eating her own feces, and sex work, when she was roughly 16 years old. Since then, her behavior has become more hideous, with attempts to sell her infant daughter and incidents of public exposure in areas where there are young children, molesting and subsequently murdering a puppy, and intentionally trying to give sexual partners STI's. There are more things that she has done, but I don't wish to go into more detail. I do not in any way intend to defend Peaches' behavior, and have limited sympathy given the severity of the crimes that she has committed. Nonetheless, gam.iru , and people like them, find this behavior-what should be clear cries for help- amusing. I can't express my disgust enough. 

Besides Peaches, frequent punchlines to gam.iru's bizarre humor were Wendy Williams, a talk show host whose rage and mental spiral has been played up by media for laughs, and Rick James, a musician who suffered from cocaine addiction and subsequently kidnapped, tortured, and sexually and physically assaulted women and girls on multiple occasions. Gam.iru unironically declared their being a fan of this man despite all of this on multiple occasions.(I really don't want to include every instance of them talking about rick james just trust me when I say it was a lot)

In regards to their misuse of AAVE, it would be inappropriate to call them out without acknowledging that just about every nonblack person I know also makes it a point to overuse and misuse AAVE. AAVE stands for African American Vernacular English, or alternatively BVE (Black Vernacular English). You probably know it better as internet slang or "stan twitter speak". This is another thing that gets misappropriated frequently in modern society, and I don't have the mental spoons to properly explain its history and the extent of why nonblack people using it is icky... to say the least. Being overly critical and outwardly racist towards black people while fixing your mouth to use our own dialogue for a trend is yet again another form of racism, and pretty nasty on their part. They're not the only person who does this or the last person who does it (this is a growing problem in society), but I take issue with them in particular for using AAVE as a joke while also being extremely antiblack. 

There are more articles that talk about this issue in detail, but to start here's this one: http://www.dailyuw.com/opinion/columnists/article_b7318c5a-fb7b-11e9-afee-a73bf103f2db.html

Besides racism, personal grievances that I and others had with them were their being uncomfortably sexual in conversation and in sfw spaces. Frequently, when we were friends, they would send nsfw memes in inappropriate locations, or a completely sfw situation would be turned into something unacceptable. The main server that I spoke with them in at this time is a child-friendly server, where we were more than clear on the fact that since there are younger individuals and people who are uncomfortable with sexual jokes here, any subject matter of that category would have to be put in certain channels. They failed to do this, and skated heavily on the fact that they were friends with many of the mods here (myself included, I admit I was too lax with them and their behavior) to evade being temporarily kicked or banned. For personal reasons, I don't want to find images of this subject matter and will not be sending any.

Another unrelated thing that's merely personal beef at this point (so I didn't include it on my story) was their repeatedly mocking/bashing/whatever their friend group from school in my DM's. By repeatedly, I mean on a daily basis. It scaled from being critical of one friend, who they believed had bad art and calling them "ddlg" (don't know their real name) while bashing them, their interests, etc. to repeatedly sending me pictures of their ex and their art and mocking everything about this person's existence. This ranged from their relationship with gender identity to things gam.iru found wrong with their art to bragging about mistreating them during their relationship. Although some of gam.iru's problems with this person were valid, as this individual's behavior on many occasions was unacceptable (will not go into detail), I now understand that this was a form of bullying, and regret all parts that I had in it.I will say that I didn't participate in the mockery of this person's art or their appearance, but my lack of speaking up on how mean gam.iru was being did enable them and give them a platform to be hateful rather than talking out their problems like a mature person would have.

This brings me to my last thing (which kind of ties back into racism), the incident that lead to our final falling out. After a series of comments mocking Kim Seokjin, a vocalist for the kpop group BTS, on June 19, 2019, I did finally ask them to stop.

(DM in question) 

After I sent my first DM, they proceeded to go invisible on Discord and leave every group chat or server that I was in. I was frustrated, but I felt that I'd said my piece, so I went to sleep. When I woke up the next morning, I was still upset, and seeing that I knew they were awake but had still failed to say anything in response (it was 11 am at this point, so they were awake), I sent another DM, being an ultimatum. At this point I'll admit I was not trying to be nice or cordial at all. I apologize for the vulgarity. 

This was the last time that I made any attempt to speak to this person. About a week later, a former mutual friend (who is also more racist, ableist, and what have you but that's a whole other can of worms that I won't be getting into right now! maybe in a few hours though once I've slept) sent this message in the mod chat of the main server that we all frequented, and I responded. 

That was the end of the conversation, until October 2019. In a server that I had been in that gam.iru happened to moderate, I noticed that out of the blue I had been removed from it with no warning.

^I contacted the ex mutual friend, and this is everything to be said on that issue. 

As of today, June 1, 2020, they have not apologized for any of their actions to any of the parties involved. Accordingly, I will not retract any statements made about them being grossly racist and just gross in general until all other parties involved get their according apologies. If I get wind of them saying/doing shit like this again, I'll be just as vocal on how and why they're racist and gross, and will keep doing so until all other parties get their apologies. I have no interest in ever being affiliated with this individual again, because they have single handedly been responsible for half the drama in my life since 2017 and even if they do manage to grow as a person at some point, the damage has already been done and I want nothing to do with them. They're simply a nasty person and I don't believe that given their history, seeing any performative bs during a time of crisis for the black community is appropriate on their part. Do with this information what you will, and have a nice day.

UPDATE (June 7 2020)-

This user has still failed to apologize and considers all of the aforementioned issues “petty” so yeah I’m keeping this post up.

#honk #blocklist #I'm just making a post on this so I don't have to create another one in the future #long post

[richincolor]

New Releases

With summer break almost upon us, or for those of us already lucky to be out, these new releases are perfect for road trips or sitting by the pool.

Virtually Yours by Sarvenaz Tash Simon Schuster Books for Young Readers

Modern love plus online anonymity is a recipe for romantic disaster in this lighthearted new romance from the author of The Geek’s Guide to Unrequited Love.

How bad can one little virtual lie be?

NYU freshman Mariam Vakilian hasn’t dated anyone in five months, not since her high school sweetheart Caleb broke up with her. So, when she decides to take advantage of an expiring coupon and try out a new virtual reality dating service, it’s sort of a big deal.

It’s an even bigger deal when it chooses as one of her three matches none other than Caleb himself. That has to be a sign, right?

Except that her other match, Jeremy, just happens to be her new best friend IRL.

Mariam’s heart is telling her one thing, but the app is telling her another. So, which should she trust? Is all fair in modern love? — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Five Midnights by Ann Dávila Cardinal Tor Teen

Five friends cursed. Five deadly fates. Five nights of retribución.

If Lupe Dávila and Javier Utierre can survive each other’s company, together they can solve a series of grisly murders sweeping though Puerto Rico. But the clues lead them out of the real world and into the realm of myths and legends. And if they want to catch the killer, they’ll have to step into the shadows to see what’s lurking there—murderer, or monster? — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Not Your Backup by C.B. Lee

Emma Robledo has a few more responsibilities that the usual high school senior, but then again, she and her friends have left school to lead a fractured Resistance movement against a corrupt Heroes League of Heroes. Emma is the only member of a supercharged team without powers, she isn’t always taken seriously. A natural leader, Emma is determined to win this battle, and when that’s done, get back to school. As the Resistance moves to challenge the League, Emma realizes where her place is in this fight: at the front.

Like a Love Story by Abdi Nazemian Balzer + Bray

It’s 1989 in New York City, and for three teens, the world is changing.

Reza is an Iranian boy who has just moved to the city with his mother to live with his stepfather and stepbrother. He’s terrified that someone will guess the truth he can barely acknowledge about himself. Reza knows he’s gay, but all he knows of gay life are the media’s images of men dying of AIDS.

Judy is an aspiring fashion designer who worships her uncle Stephen, a gay man with AIDS who devotes his time to activism as a member of ACT UP. Judy has never imagined finding romance…until she falls for Reza and they start dating.

Art is Judy’s best friend, their school’s only out and proud teen. He’ll never be who his conservative parents want him to be, so he rebels by documenting the AIDS crisis through his photographs.

As Reza and Art grow closer, Reza struggles to find a way out of his deception that won’t break Judy’s heart–and destroy the most meaningful friendship he’s ever known.

This is a bighearted, sprawling epic about friendship and love and the revolutionary act of living life to the fullest in the face of impossible odds. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

I Wanna Be Where You Are by Kristina Forest Roaring Brook Press

“In a world where it’s easy to lose faith in love, I WANNA BE WHERE YOU ARE is a brilliant burst of light. A dazzling debut.” ― Nic Stone, New York Times bestselling author of Dear Martin and Odd One Out

When Chloe Pierce’s mom forbids her to apply for a spot at the dance conservatory of her dreams, she devises a secret plan to drive two hundred miles to the nearest audition. But Chloe hits her first speed bump when her annoying neighbor Eli insists upon hitching a ride, threatening to tell Chloe’s mom if she leaves him and his smelly dog, Geezer, behind. So now Chloe’s chasing her ballet dreams down the east coast―two unwanted (but kinda cute) passengers in her car, butterflies in her stomach, and a really dope playlist on repeat.

Filled with roadside hijinks, heart-stirring romance, and a few broken rules, I Wanna Be Where You Are is a YA debut perfect for fans of Jenny Han and Sandhya Menon.

If It Makes You Happy by Claire Kann Swoon Reads

High school finally behind her, Winnie is all set to attend college in the fall. But first she’s spending her summer days working at her granny’s diner and begins spending her midnights with Dallas—the boy she loves to hate and hates that she likes. Winnie lives in Misty Haven, a small town where secrets are impossible to keep—like when Winnie allegedly snaps on Dr. Skinner, which results in everyone feeling compelled to give her weight loss advice for her own good. Because they care that’s she’s “too fat.”

Winnie dreams of someday inheriting the diner—but it’ll go away if they can’t make money, and fast. Winnie has a solution—win a televised cooking competition and make bank. But Granny doesn’t want her to enter—so Winnie has to find a way around her formidable grandmother. Can she come out on top?

This Time Will Be Different by Misa Sugiura HarperTeen

Katsuyamas never quit—but seventeen-year-old CJ doesn’t even know where to start. She’s never lived up to her mom’s type A ambition, and she’s perfectly happy just helping her aunt, Hannah, at their family’s flower shop.

She doesn’t buy into Hannah’s romantic ideas about flowers and their hidden meanings, but when it comes to arranging the perfect bouquet, CJ discovers a knack she never knew she had. A skill she might even be proud of.

Then her mom decides to sell the shop—to the family who swindled CJ’s grandparents when thousands of Japanese Americans were sent to internment camps during WWII. Soon a rift threatens to splinter CJ’s family, friends, and their entire Northern California community; and for the first time, CJ has found something she wants to fight for.

When the Ground Is Hard by Malla Nunn G.P. Putnam’s Sons Books for Young Readers

In this stunning and heartrending tale set in a Swaziland boarding school, two girls of different castes bond over a shared copy of Jane Eyre.

Adele Joubert loves being one of the popular girls at Keziah Christian Academy. She knows the upcoming semester at school is going to be great with her best friend Delia at her side. Then Delia dumps her for a new girl with more money, and Adele is forced to share a room with Lottie, the school pariah, who doesn’t pray and defies teachers’ orders.

But as they share a copy of Jane Eyre, Lottie’s gruff exterior and honesty grow on Adele, and Lottie learns to be a little sweeter. Together, they take on bullies and protect each other from the vindictive and prejudiced teachers. Then a boy goes missing on campus and Adele and Lottie must rely on each other to solve the mystery and maybe learn the true meaning of friendship.

The Boxer by Nikesh Shukla Hodder Children’s Books

Told over the course of the ten rounds of his first fight, this is the story of amateur boxer Sunny. A seventeen-year-old feeling isolated and disconnected in the city he’s just moved to, Sunny joins a boxing club to learn to protect himself after a racist attack. He finds the community he’s been desperately seeking at the club, and a mentor in trainer Shona, who helps him find his place in the world. But racial tensions are rising in the city, and when a Far Right march through Bristol turns violent, Sunny is faced with losing his new best friend Keir to radicalisation.

A gripping, life-affirming YA novel about friendship, radicalisation and finding where you belong.

#new releases #WeNeedDiverseBooks #ownvoices

[jmariko-blog1]

you live the life you settle with

1. emotional obstacle

During my time in high school, I have only dealt with two major emotional obstacles. The first occurred during my freshman year, when I got into a huge fight with my former best friend, [A], and she no longer wanted to be friends with me. Although I knew the transition from middle school to high school would be difficult, I never expected to lose my best friend in the process. We had been inseparable throughout middle school and I had always considered her my closest friend. However, upon entering high school, I joined cross country and became friends with [L] who she did not like. After growing closer to [L], [A] started cutting me off and stopped talking to me. Although I was hurt, I refused to apologize to her when I felt I had done nothing wrong. I missed talking to her, but I thought our friendship was stronger and we could move past this. However, she never came around. She began talking badly about me to my friends and blocked me on all social media. I was extremely hurt and decided to talk to her. I sent her a long message explaining my side of the story and admitting the things I did wrong. However, she ignored the text, which hurt a lot. I could not understand how we went from being best friends to this. Although we are still on bad terms, looking back, I am thankful she is no longer in my life. She was a very negative person and I have grown a lot from that experience. It helped me find my group of friends who I love and I know care deeply about me. 

Secondly, a couple years later, I experienced my second emotional obstacle. My grandfather had passed away. He was my only grandparent who was alive during my lifetime, and the most positive, easy-going person I have ever known. He was ninety-five years old and got sick the summer before my junior year. A couple days after feeling unwell, he was sent to the hospital and later passed away. It was the first death of a family member I experienced, and I had found out from looking at my mom’s phone. I was getting ready to go to my SAT class and I was pulling up the directions on my mom’s phone. I saw a notification from one of her close friends saying, “I’m so sorry. How are you going to tell Jenna?” and I instantly knew. I broke down and started to think of all of the fond memories I had of him and everything he would not be able to experience with me. However, with time I realized how lucky he was to have lived such a long, happy life. He had experienced so much during his time on Earth and he could finally reunite with his wife. In addition, I appreciate all he had done for my family and I. Although he hated traveling, he would always try to come down from San Jose to stay with us for a couple weeks over the summer. We would go on walks, watch Judge Judy and eat lots of Japanese food. He had a big impact on who I am today. From the things we like to our happy-go-lucky personality, we got along very well. 

2. past actions

Throughout my two years in cross country, I grew very close to four of my teammates: [L], [O], [E] and [M]. They quickly became my best friends and we did everything together. From waking up at four in the morning for races to dying on eight mile runs, we found ways to make the most miserable experiences fun. However, during our sophomore year, [M] started dating a boy who [L] was close to. After seeing the two together, [L] started getting jealous and ended up kissing [M]’s boyfriend. [M] felt betrayed by [L] and no longer wanted to associate with her at all. She avoided her at all costs and purposely left her out of the rest of the group. [O], [E] and I did not know what to do. We felt bad for [M] and knew what [L] did was wrong, but none of us wanted to abandon [L] when everyone else started turning on her. I did not know how to be there both of them, especially when we were all together during practices and meets. I continued to hang out with both of them separately, letting [M] rant when she needed to and offering [L] advice and support. Although it was rough and tense for a couple weeks, [M] eventually moved on and realized that their friendship was more important than a boy. Our group dynamic slowly began to return to the way it was and [M] ended up being thankful for [L] for helping her realize who he truly was. 

It was extremely difficult for me to figure out how to treat this situation at first because I wanted to be able to be there for both of them but did not know how. However, a couple years later, I now know I treated the situation appropriately and the importance of nurturing both friendships during a dispute. 

3. current inactions

Being a senior in high school, I feel pressed for time. In a matter of months, my childhood friends and I will be going our separate ways. From going to different colleges and moving to different states to exploring new interests and meeting new people, I do not know where we all will be in the upcoming year. I want to make the most of the time we have left, but with school, work and my horrible procrastination habits, I feel like I never have time. I want to go on spontaneous adventures with my friends and meet new people, but with homework and no car, it is hard to get out of the house. In addition, I feel dependent and trapped without a car. I do not want to have to rely on my parents and friends to drive me everywhere, which often leads to me spending my weekends at home on youtube and tiktok. However, I plan to be more spontaneous and social during second semester. Instead of focusing all of my energy on school, like I have been for the past three years, I understand that I need to balance my school and social life. One bad grade is not going to kill me and it is okay to have fun, even if it is on a weekday.

4. legacy (best friend)

My best friend is [E]. We met in fifth grade in Mrs. [K]’s class and instantly became friends. From middle school orchestra to high school cross country and track, we have spent countless hours together, and surprisingly, are not sick of each other yet. 

If I were to pass away tomorrow, [E] would probably remember me for my sense of humor, work ethic and our relationship. We had the ability to make light of any situation, and we could always make each other laugh - which wasn’t always ideal. From getting kicked out of eighth grade english class for laughing too much and too loud to doing the same in ninth grade history, we probably should have paid a little more attention to the class’ lesson. In addition, [E] would probably commend me on my work ethic. From persevering through difficult, steep cross country races to countless hours of studying and working on homework, I have always been very motivated to do well. Lastly, she would probably describe my legacy through our relationship. We have grown so close in the past seven years and our friendship is irreplaceable. We are so comfortable around each other and we are the only people we can completely open up to. 

5. legacy (family)

To be honest, I am not sure what my parents or brother would say about me if I were to pass away tomorrow. Growing up in an Asian household, praise was very rare. Excelling in academics and extracurriculars were expected and hardly acknowledged. However, I think my mom would commend me for my strong, independent nature, which she often complimented me on. Being a girl in our current society, she thought it was very important for me to be able to take care of myself and instilled these values in me growing up. In addition, my mom would probably mention my Gold Award as part of my legacy. She had always wanted me to complete it, and being the only girl in my troop to do so, she was extremely proud. 

Similarly, my dad would commend me on my work ethic and good grades. Although he was usually pushing me to enroll in harder classes and explore more activities at our school, he was proud of me for always excelling in school. He said he had never had to worry about me or my grades, which was a stressful burden with my brother. 

6. epitaph + reflection

“in” - Jack Lemmon

I like Lemmon’s epitaph because it is short, simple and comedical. After passing away, your family is mourning for you and remembering everything you accomplished, and I think it was kind of him to make his friends and family laugh during this difficult time. In addition, I think it is important and unique to be remembered solely by one’s words and sense of humor instead of the time when you were alive.

“Damn, it’s dark down here.” - Thatcher

Similarly, I like Thatcher’s epitaph because he chose a way to spread happiness and smiles even after his death. Instead of having a serious, standard epitaph, he chose to make light of the situation. He made a little, light joke to bring his loved ones some happiness while they mourned his death. 

7. epitaph creation 

“[J M]. [Month Day, Year]. Mother, Wife, Occupational Therapist. ‘She saw the world and worked to changed it too.’”Ever since I was young, I have always wanted the stereotypical happily ever after story I grew up watching. I want to find happiness through experiences, people, food and music. I want to get married to someone I love and can spend my life with. I want to have a family with a couple of kids and a dog. I enjoy taking care of children and cannot wait to have some of my own. I want a fulfilling job as a school-based occupational therapist, where I can help kids with special needs and learning disabilities. I want to travel the world and make a difference in it. Instead of wasting my potential like many of the characters we learned about, I want to help those around me, along with making sure I maintain my happiness. 

[go-diane-winchester]

New question:  Why do I dislike Misha and his fans?

@super-who-loser asked the following question:

Hey, I’m not trying to come across as rude or anything I’m just wondering why you dislike Misha so much? I know Jared and Jensen have been there since the beginning and yes, there have been times where his character has been pretty useless but I don’t hate him and you’re being really mean to some Destiel shippers and like I know that it’s obviously never going to happen and Cockles is a big no no for me but I am confused about why you really don’t like him? I’m honestly just curious

Thank you for the question.  Let me point out before hand, that my irritation towards Misha has nothing to do with a ship.  I used to read destiel slash.  I used to like Cockles AU.  I don't ship wincest.  I ship AUs.  Its my favorite slash subgenre.  So no, this is not a ship argument.  Ship whatever you want, but mind your manners.  There are many things that I don't like about Misha.  However I am choosing to answer only from a SPN perspective because that is the primary way that we know him. 

MISHA AND SLASH FICTION

You may not realize this but Supernatural has been on the air for so long that it, plus its fan base, has experienced and initiated a few changes and trends.  In the space of fourteen years, filming became digitalized.  Social media, which was a fledgling thing back then, is the norm now [I have a disdain towards social media].  To put it into perspective, the child actors that played Asher, the Antichrist kid [I forget his name] and Little Lillith from the early seasons are likely in their 20s now.  Trends in entertainment changed.  Hollywood seems poised to implode upon itself, geographically, with major entertainers moving house to outlets like Netflix.  Netflix, not bound by geography, is likely to become the next Hollywood.  Slash, too, has undergone change.  And as far as SPN is concerned, that change has not been organic.  It has been by design and at the hands on Misha Collins. 

When Castiel came on board, there were already two prevalent pairings in Supernatural:  Wincest and Bobby/John.  There were other pairings.  But these were the most prevalent.   So Supernatural had slash fans already.  These fans were already aware of what slash fiction was, and they were a self-monitoring group.  They realized that the actors were aware of slash and didn't want it to be the focal point of their con appearances, because they didn't want the fans to think they were hinting at anything.  The fans understood and ever since, they have respected the actor's wishes.  When some fans liked Dean's interaction with Cas, they started shipping destiel. 

Destiel's old fans were just like all the other shippers.  They were treating destiel the way it should be treated.  Like a fantasy.  They did artwork and literature about it and kept it to themselves, as they should.  Misha never knew what slash fiction was, until he looked on Tumblr and found Destiel.  In his words, he used destiel to ''keep this gig for longer''.  He kept talking about destiel even though he was instructed not to, and pulling the LGBT into it, to make it look like destiel was about gay rights and queer art, when it isn't.  There are various kinds of destiel written by different people, from different perspectives, for different reasons.  That is true for all pairings everywhere.  By making destiel about the LGBT and waving the ''no shipping question'' rule in convention panels, he did two things. 

He turned destiel into a vehicle for LGBT activism.  Instead of being a pastime, now destiel is used to fight for LGBT representation, even though, many of the LGBT people within my own circle despise him for it.  Most of the people fighting for LGBT representation are actually quite homophobic and insulting in their thinking and logic.  And they are not even LGBT.  They are just a bunch of straight girls for whom, their fantasy has become a drug, and they wont stop until destiel becomes canon. 

He turned Jensen into the bad guy.  Misha spoke openly about slash.  Jensen chose not to.  He didn't want any part of it, and this is true about all the pairings he is a part of, not just destiel.  Because of his choice, Misha fans make negative comparisons between him and Misha, even saying that Jensen is a homophobe/biphobe because he doesn't want to talk about destiel or make it canon.  They ranted about it on social media and mass media picked up on it.  The University Of Sydney has an academic paper, under Celebrity Studies, dedicated to Jensen's supposed homophobia.  The destiel shippers are literally Jensen's reputation. 

Misha should have left slash alone.  Any fan of his will know that he overindulges the slash fans.  And the one thing that I noticed about slash fans, is that you don't give them excessive attention, or they will go completely crazy.  It doesn't matter what they slash.

Harry Styles and Liam Tomlinson learned that the hard way, because the Larry fans destroyed their friendships when they over-emphasized the fan servicing.  They did the fan servicing because Modest Management told them to, they  ended up hating their fans for what the fans became.  They have since severed ties with Modest.  Even on a day when one of them was mourning the loss of a parent, the fans who pushing the other guy so they could have a ship moment.  These two boys were very young when they entered the band.  Harry was 15 years old.  They had youthful ignorance to blame for making the decision to blindly follow the manager's instruction.  Misha cannot make any of those excuses. 

Misha got into the show at age 35.  He was already a grown man.  He was not a pivotal part of the show and therefore the only notes he was getting, was for his acting.  He wasn't being coached by anyone as to how he should engage his fans.  He was too small a fry for that.  In fact, no one was sure how long he would last on the show.  So these notes were only acting, including one telling him not to adlib his lines.  Whatever transpired between him and the destiel fans, happened because he orchestrated it. 

MISHA AND SUPERNATURAL

When Cas came on board, he was fun new character.  By the end of season 5, he had run his course on the show.  The show didn't need his character because [and as a writer I understand this] the presence of Castiel hampered the progress of the story.  Sera Gamble dealt with that frustration during her tenure as showrunner.  Cas was an angel.  If he was an ally to the boys, the boys should have a more powerful nemesis.  After all, they have an angel buddy to help them.  Unfortunately, they couldn't keep coming up with more and more powerful bad guys and negative elements, especially on a show where the biggest bad guy, the devil itself, and the worst case scenario [the apocalypse] has already been dealt with.  

During 6 and 7, they had Soulless Sam, Sam's wall, the leviathans, Metatron, the demons, Crowley, Dick Roman and even the Alphas, if I am not mistaken.  So many bad guys and bad situations, because the good guys had a powerful angel.  They could make him lose his power, so he wont be such a powerful ally.  And they did exactly that.  But Misha has very few skills to show off.  Imagine if Osric was Cas.  Even without power, he would still be able to taekwondo the stuffing out of bad guys.  He wouldn't be useless.  Cas, without his grace, didn't help the story along.  He didn't bring something extra to the story.  He was pointless.  So they made him a bad guy and for the first time in a long time, Cas was pivotal to the story.    

Eventually, she got fed up of shoehorning him into the script and just did away with the character.  But, rumor has it that Singer brought him back.  And he was welcome by the worst Q score measurement ever.  That would tell you that he was not appreciated as an actor by everyone, just his shipping and cult fans.  Since then, Cas has done nothing important in the script until recently where he made a deal for Jack.  Other than that, he has been an add on, and that is Misha's fault.  Every time Jensen and Misha did a scene, Misha would overemphasize the destiel aspect, either via social media or during his panels.  And eventually Jensen got fed up and cut the scenes short.  Basically, Misha shot himself in the foot.  The DeanCas fan service made for annoying television for people who didn't want to deal with shippy nonsense while they were watching their favorite show. 

If they didn't add anything shipping related, the hellers screamed.  If they did, the hellers screamed canon and queer baiting.  Misha's interference did that.  All he had to do was stop talking, and he couldn't do that, because his fan base will lose interest in him.  In order to keep that one group of militants, Misha isolated all other fans and potential fans. 

MISHA AND THE DESTIEL FANS

Misha's fan have sent Jensen various death threats, the receipts of which are on my blog.  A few days back, a heller was setting Jensen's picture on fire because Misha tweeted a lie that there will be a turning point for Dean and Cas in the upcoming episode.  So even though Misha was the guilty party, this psycho is punishing Jensen.  These fans have also discussed kidnapping Jared's children.  When they bully Jensen and Jared, they tag Misha in many of the tweets.  Misha randomly does Q and A sessions based on his tweets, but he has never seen a single threat and bullying remark??.....in ten years??.....really??  Nah, I am not buying that.  Frankly, I think the man just doesn't care.  Acknowledging them will mean he will have to stop them which means he will eventually have to stop peddling destiel which means he will not have an audience which means SPN will kick him right out.  The funny thing is, I think he is wrong.  He might actually have more fans if he didn't alienate them with his special brand of shippy vulgarity.  I could fill a page with all the receipts of the death threats.  And Jensen doesn't deserve that. 

I also call out destiel shippers on Tumblr so that everyone else can block the problematic ones.  Have you noticed how many names there are for the destiel pairing?  DeanCas, CasDean, DeanxCastiel and recently I discovered Dastiel.  Have you ever wondered why?  It is because they don't want you to block them.  If you filter destiel, they will use another name.  Why is that?  That is not a ship.  That's a cult.  They want to indoctrinate.  They tag destiel in other fandom names.  They are trying to create more fans for a ship.  That is why I call out specific people.  Especially the ones that tag AKF in their destiel garbage.  I have no issues with the good shippers.  I have done posts about them.  The bad ones might do something criminal one day, which is why they bother me. 

This answer, only just scratches the surface.  I am not telling you everything.  I am not telling you about Jared, Robert Berens, Kim, Briana, Travis, Sera Gamble, Ben Edlund, Ty Olsson etc.  I am just telling you the brief basics.  I hope this answers your question.  Have a nice day.  Apologies for the inevitable typos.

#misha #jensen ackles #destiel #cockles #jenmish #jensen and misha #deancas #casdean #dean x castiel #castiel #cas #bi dean #dean is bi #dean and cas #jenmisheel #dean winchester #destiel headcanon #jdvm #misha collins #sam winchester #sam and dean #jensen and jared #wincest #supernatural #jared padalecki #padackles #performing dean #sabriel #sammy winchester #j2

[ace-theatre-ghosts]

Hi, I Am Asexual/Ace

I am just sharing where I am coming from as an ace person. These are by no means guidelines for all ace people but the goal here is to inform or expose. To share with you personally a little bit about what it’s like to be ace. Lately, I’ve had to come out all over again to a variety of different kinds of people who don’t seem to know much about what being asexual actually implies.

Let’s start with a few definitions---

Asexual: someone who is not sexually attracted to others.

Demisexual: someone who only feels sexual attraction after forming an emotional connection.

Aromantic: someone who is not romantically attracted to others.

These definitions are important because there are people who think that being any of these things means that those who identify with them don’t have sex or are afraid or can’t have certain connections with others (whatever it may be). Breaking it down very basically- this is all about attraction not activities. It is all solely about the individual who identifies as one of these. It’s kind of like- someone who is Roma is not Romanian but there are Romanian Roma. So, someone who is asexual isn’t sexually attracted to someone but there are asexual people who are repulsed or indifferent about sex and prefer not to have  it. LIKE ME! Yeah.

I am indifferent about sex and in some ways repulsed by it. I don’t like it, I don’t want to have it, I don’t think it is necessary in relationships (and if you really want to get deep, I certainly don’t think it should play a major part in ANY relationship but that’s just me). You cannot change this. I have had a significant other that thought this was flexible, like if only the right dude came along (like he would be the right dude, uhm excuse me).

When I pursue deeper relationships beyond friendships, they are strictly platonic. I have yet to compromise my lack of sex life for a relationship and I don’t expect to.

^ Nor do I expect to become demisexual. But- who knows. Not current me’s problem.

I consider myself aromantic. Aromantic and asexual are different, you can be one or the other or both. I don’t feel the need to be in a relationship and lack romantic desires so therefore- aromantic.

I feel the need to say this a few times just so y’all get the point- THIS DOESN’T MEAN I CAN’T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP! Some asexual people just so happen to not desire a significant other- some do. A lot do, actually. While I am not chasing anyone down, I am not against being in a relationship.

I acknowledged that I might be ace when I was 15 or 16. I always thought the sexual feelings would just eventually be there- as if they are some vital part of development. Buuuut. They didn’t. SO... Uhm. I came to full terms with being ace when I was 17. But I’ve sort of always, I guess, known... I think that’s what I’m supposed to say but I really wasn’t too educated on the whole thing until I even got to high school.

I am not 100% out for a lot of reasons. This isn’t common knowledge among my family or even some of my closest friends. I’ve been close to someone since I was 13 who does not currently know I am asexual. Unless he’s reading this now in which case SURPRISE *as it rains gray, purple, white, black confetti* Some of my friends- it isn’t necessarily that they’ll reject me but that I don’t think they’ll understand to the point it would hurt our friendship. To be honest, everyone is different and being ace is important- but it isn’t all I am. Someone knowing or not knowing won’t change anything about me and our friendship means more.

I pursue intimate friendships. I tend to cling to small groups of people. Like “quality vs quantity” I guess. I’m an open book overall but I prefer being an open book to smaller amounts of people instead of a bunch-- if that makes any sense. There is a lot of potential it doesn’t.

Being ace doesn’t make friendships and feelings any easier and I don’t really know why people would think that. Then again- I don’t know why people think a lot of the things they do about asexuality or why they ask some of the things they do. I mean, even writing this I’m sitting here thinking, “I can’t believe I actually have to answer this question, why is this even important.” Or I am going through some of the things that have been said to me after coming out and I wonder what is so hard to understand. Anyway, you’ll of see why I would think that in a minute.

I have been in relationships beyond intimate friendships. I don’t really feel like going into depth about this but if you really want to know- certainly ask because I do tell. Usually with a lot of passive aggressive remarks for flavor but I do tell nonetheless.

I do not share my personal sex life (partner or no partner ;) ) with others so don’t ever ask. I’ve told you all you need to know.

I don’t identify as gay or straight or anything else that points me towards a particular gender. I can tell you that my type tends to be masculine and I don’t necessarily discriminate against genders. But as for the types of people I’ve had some serious feelings for: butchy girls, trans men, men... I think you get the point. And I would prefer to be with someone who is also asexual, I just see it going better when both parties are equally yoked and have an understanding agreement vs a compromising agreement. I think it would make everyone happier. But hey- I’ve also never really pursued a relationship with anyone who isn’t ace. Feelings for non-ace, yes. Relationship with non-ace, yes. Pursued non-ace, no... (yeah that probably tells you too much about my dating life...)

I feel alone. Like. A lot. Because while I tend to feel intimate with people without needing a relationship- they don’t. I can care a lot for people who aren’t my significant other but I don’t feel like anyone cares about me the way I care about them. And as for what it’s like to actually pursue relationships, I face the issue of losing out on a relationship because I won’t have sex. A lot of people don’t want a relationship with an ace person or they think they can change that ace person by, “being the right one,” and that just isn’t the case. In fact, a lot of ace people face the issue of sexual assault when with non-ace partners due to lack of good communication and failure to properly recognize signals (or lack there of). Anyway, I feel like no one really understands where I’m coming from and how I am feeling. Like there’s something missing and I don’t really know how to describe it so I wish I could just transfer my feelings to other people, and they magically understand. But. I can’t, so... Here I am writing about it I guess and that’s just how life goes.

yeah so I’ve never really felt like I’m missing out on sex. Logically speaking- if you were to feel that way then... Would you still identify as asexual? I am not entirely too sure about this answer. It’s probably a yes but... that just doesn’t really sit with me as being simple.

Yes... I know what sex is and how it’s done. Thanks. I really... Really could care less for your worldly wisdom and middle school health lesson. Honestly just- THINK about it (sorry this is personal, stick with me).

No I don’t take birth control so I don’t get pregnant... Like most girls don’t take birth control so they don’t get pregnant.

Why do you care if I’m a virgin or not? Why does this even matter? Who asks?! I know who asks... People ask. A lot. Like. Why is this relevant information. This may be (historically) one of my most asked questions. That and, “are you gaaay.”

Being ace is not my “identifying characteristic” and if anyone thinks it is- I would prefer to try to inform them or distance myself from them. Like this isn’t the most important thing going on in my life 24/7. And fuck no, I’m not (will not be) your token ace friend. I am a girl who just so happens to be ace. This is (btw) why I can’t believe I have to answer some of the questions I do (if you recall from a few answers ago).

When I dress in what is considered “sexually provocative clothing,” it is for my personal fashion (like it probably would be for anyone else)- not provocative purposes. I like my boobs, what can I say?

My friends really confuse what it means to be asexual. Having to re-explain this to new people is really frustrating and anxious because I never know how people will react or how I will react to those reactions. I am very open minded of what other people think but to me it should be really simple--- why should my sex life even matter all that much for it to make or break a friendship.

I support marriage and if I find the right person it actually is in my plans to get married one day. Children of my own however-- I am not too entirely interested in having them.

I definitely consistently imply that I’m ace, but some people lack the education or understanding to make the connection. And that’s fine. But I do “come out” formally to most of my friends. It doesn’t usually just lowkey drop in a conversation. I usually make a decision on rather or not to come out. It isn’t advertised on my public social medias, I don’t scream that I am ace when I am around friends I’m not out to. It’s a moment for me each and every time because... what if? What if they don’t like that? What if they really don’t know what the fuck this is? What if they say, “you’re not a plant.” Or assume I’m just some kind of robot?

Though, as someone who identifies as asexual I am technically apart of the LGBTQA+ Community- I don’t personally get that involved outside of being an ally of sorts to my friends. I guess I just feel like I get a lot of pressure to answer to additional sexual identities like “You’re asexual- do you like men or women?” Like. I don’t and that’s my answer. Why does it matter? But I have a lot of friends within the community who totally respect that too so-- depends on the day and phase of the moon, I guess.

I am not ashamed of my sexual orientation. But it’s my business and it’s for me to talk about. I don’t want to be outed by anyone else. This isn’t a card anyone else gets to pull, a joke to flaunt, a topic token they get to just throw around. My orientation is a very serious aspect of my life. It isn’t funny. It isn’t yours

My best advice for someone who doesn’t understand asexuality is to just ask. Don’t make assumptions. Make an effort to better understand especially if you have an ace friend in your life. We are still people with very real human emotions facing problems both just as unique and common as anyone else.

Some of these are answers to questions I personally get a lot or things I wish people knew/understood about me, and some are answers to questions I found online that other ace people get a lot since I do have a history of having very accepting and understanding people in my life over this issue (mostly other members of the LGBTQA+ Community). If you have any additional questions--- I would love to answer them but as I said my sex life as far as what I have done and will do with or without a partner is personal and I don’t care to keep people who don’t need to know informed (you would be surprised so put that eyebrow down, I know the stats). Just as I don’t really care to hear about other people’s sex life (please and thank you). Find another ace to ask if that’s the question.

Everyone is different. What I have shared are not guidelines for all ace people. There are many different kinds of people within this particular community and they are all coming from different experiences, orientations, and situations. For example- some ace people have and enjoy sex. I just so happen to not... It’s very much about the individual as most things tend to be. I hope this helps people understand a little about me or maybe someone you know. Thank much for reading! Continue on with your daily lives, disasters, existence, etc!

#ace #asexual #asexuality #i am asexual #hi #i am ace #inform #informing #lgbtqa+ #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtq+ #lgbt+ #personal #personal information #ace girl #asexual girl #i dont sex #Q&A #being ace #being asexual

[takashiiiiit]

Hi anon, thanks for the question! The answer to this is a little complicated, so I hope I do it justice in my explanation.

It gets kind of long, so I put it all below the cut

I also wanted to first state that anything I write is my own opinion, and any differing opinions of liking/disliking season 7 are valid. Harassing anyone on the Voltron team however, is not okay.

There were a lot of reasons that I loved this season, and I don’t think I want to turn this into a super meta(because there are much more talented writers who could do that) but I can definitely list some for you:

- This was Hunk’s season. 

I don’t think there’s anyway around it. Hunk had a major arc this season which was so great because he has kind of been in the background for most of the show! We found out a bunch about him and his character. I especially LOVED the episode where the Paladins were trapped in space and HUNK was the one to keep them all together, even facing down Keith’s wrath (and let me tell you Keith could probably make me cry with his glare).

And then the scene that actually broke my heart. We finally saw Lance reunite with his family! Which was amazing and as beautiful as we thought, but then it turns to a close up of Hunk and we see how hard it is to be the only one not having the happy homecoming, especially because I could argue that he was the one that wanted to go home the most.

Also the talk that Hunk and Keith had was super important to expand on Hunk’s character. Keith explained how he really respects Hunk because, even though they all know Hunk is the most afraid out of all the paladins, that never stops him from facing his fears. I thought this was especially important because when Keith’s afraid (mostly of getting hurt) his first instinct is to run away.

- Also the episode where they were lost in space without their lions! I loved it so much. In too many shows where a group of relative strangers are packed together you just have to kind of accept that they grow close and become like a family, even if it’s not something you see on screen. I didn’t expect anything different from VLD. But then we get this episode.

When Keith gets anxious he starts lashing out at the other Paladins and makes the point of what connects them if they didn’t have this big war to fight, and I loved that. I haven’t seen many shows where the actual main characters address this and the way VLD attempted it was amazing. It really made me feel like they grew as a group from this. Not to mention how Lance was the one to really hit Keith where it hurt and call him out on running away (but I think there have been other people who have analyzed that).

- Lance. Oh boy, I hope it’s not a surprise but Lance is my favorite character in the show. I identify with him so much. I feel like we got SO MUCH of badass Lance this season I was so happy anytime he was on screen. Lance has matured so much and we really saw that this season, he was such an ace sharp shooter and EVERYONE ACKNOWLEDGED IT!

When Keith went off to be a decoy when they first got to Earth, I’ve seen a lot of people complain about Keith not believing in Lance’s skill but that’s really not how I saw it. Keith and Lance have a kind of rivalry/friendship going on where they poke and prod at each other. That’s just how their relationship works. I have relationships like that with a lot of important people in my life. If Keith really didn’t believe in Lance he wouldn’t have suggested being a decoy (and think about that, it wasn’t someone else who suggested it. Keith believed in Lance, which is why this was his first plan).

Also, if you look at the scene when Keith runs out from behind the car he’s not armed, he doesn’t have his bayard or shield up to block any attacks if they come for him, because that’s how much he trusts Lance to do the impossible and hit three (FOUR??) MOVING TARGETS. And then when Lance leads Keith and Pidge through the Galra base, he’s so confident in himself, never jokes or second guesses himself. And even more important Keith never questions any of Lance’s instructions. Down to the second when Keith can hear the Centuries approaching but Lance tells them to hold until the very last second.

- Speaking on Lance and Keith, there was so much of their growing relationship I was so happy. And for this, I’m not talking about shippy/romantic stuff, I just mean the outright TRUST they both have. In battle they both usually call out to each other first, when Keith went back to save Axca he immediately put Lance in charge, even though Shiro and the others were right there, because he knew Lance, as his second, would be able to get them out of danger. Keith and Lance’s relationship has grown so much through the show, and even though they didn’t have any individual scenes together, they didn’t NEED THEM. Because they were so in sync in all the other action scenes. They didn’t need Shiro to lead them anymore because they both had each other as partners.

- And finally, the last touchy subject would be Shiro. Shiro being gay was such an amazing thing to have happen on a “children’s” television show. Ignoring anything that has to do with Adam, I really hope people see this. When I look at Voltron, I joke with my friends that there are really two main characters: Keith (we don’t call him our anime protagonist for nothing) and Shiro. All of the major plots have had something to do with one of these two. Hell I could go as far to say that a lot of the show revolves around Shiro. And he’s lgbt. I completely understand your point, that there are other shows where there are more explicit lgbt relationships, but looking at a show that’s primarily targeted to young boys, and having the main character be gay? And not just gay, but having the character that has been the mature role model for all the other main characters?

The one that has gone through the most tragedy and pulls through it all? That’s...pretty amazing. And it’s not that he’s shown to be gay in the last episode or made through an off handed joke, I think it’s pretty obvious in the flashback the Voltron team fought for and the scene where Shiro finds out Adam is dead. Little boys and girls look up to Shiro as an amazing, GI Joe type (I hope this doesn’t date me) and guess what? Even though this is usually a stereotypical “straight” character the Voltron crew decided to stick it to mainstream media and say nooooo I think Shiro should not be straight and guess what? That doesn’t ruin his character.

Now, there were definitely things I didn’t like this season, which really comes down to two things, so I’m not saying this season was perfect (but then again, I've never found a “perfect” show.)

- Obviously the Adam thing was a big blow. I was definitely excited for a nice, happy lgbt relationship. I had headcanons and talked to people about them having a cute reunion and everything turning out okay, but I started to get more and more worried by things that LM and JDS started to say about the Adam thing, that he wasn’t a main character and being gay didn’t change Shiro’s story etc. Was the Adashi stuff queer baiting? Well it definitely wasn’t the smartest decision. But was it the Voltron crew’s fault? Hell no. They were not in charge of how Netflix/DreamWorks decided to advertise for season 7. I think they decided to do as much crowd control as they could. Not saying it wasn’t bad. Why was Adam, a character that was only used to show that Shiro was lgbt, the only character to die(that was actually given a name and a face, and wasn’t kind of evil at one point)? That’s not okay. After reading the letter from JDS and other things, I think I understand that there was more at play than just the Voltron creators writing the whole thing, so I’ve become more understanding. But it was still not great on a social/political scale, and this show being on Netflix instead of a television network made us hope they could do more.

- The second thing that I disliked about the season was really just the Allurance, and I can’t really call this a huge thing compared to the Adam drama. I saw the Allurance happening around season 2-3 when Lance flirting never went away. Their relationship is a trope that I’ve seen a lot, so I guess it’s kinda popular? So while it’s not my favorite thing I was prepared for it to happen.

So anyway, this got long but I hope I explained myself, at least a little. I did appreciate most of season 7, and can definitely see how much care the Voltron crew put into it. 

#ask #taka talks #discourse #voltron s7 #voltron spoilers #voltron meta #shirogane takashi #keith kogane #lance mcclain #hunk garret

[girlsbtrs]

The Evolution of Women’s Wrestling Through Music

Written by Jennifer Moglia. Graphic by James N Grey.

If it wasn’t already obvious, judging from the fact that I write for a publication called Girls Behind The Rock Show, music is one of the most important things in my life. It has helped me form lasting friendships and relationships, given me some of the best memories and experiences, and has pushed me to find what I truly want to do with my life. However, another one of my interests, one of my favorite things in the world, actually, is something I don’t talk about quite often - professional wrestling.

No, I don’t mean the actual activity of performing professional wrestling (my body would probably snap in half), I mean watching professional wrestling, or as it is often described, “sports entertainment.” The type of professional wrestling made popular by WWE, storytelling through combat sports, is something that I got hooked on instantly.

The reason why I love writing so much is that I love telling stories, whether those stories belong to me, someone I know, or even someone I have no connection with. At the end of the day, once a story is written, it belongs to the world, for them to fall in love with and interpret in their own way.

As a writer, I feel as if I watch wrestling differently from other fans, as pretentious as that may sound. Rather than being focused on the punches and kicks or even the costumes that each performer wears, my mind is constantly zeroed in on the story being told.

Who are these characters? Why are they fighting against each other? What do they have to prove, to themselves, to their opponent, or to the world? 

What will they gain if they win this match? What will they lose if they fall short? How will they move forward, regardless of the result? 

Will this feud wrap up before the Summerslam in August, or by Wrestlemania in April? All of these questions and more swirl around my head when watching Monday Night Raw, NXT, and Friday Night Smackdown every week.

There are a ton of things that a performer can do to answer these questions, from outfit choices, to the way they speak to the audience, to how they celebrate when they win or how they react when they lose. One of my favorite ways that wrestlers’ stories are told is through their theme music.

Wrestlers’ entrance songs are some of the most iconic things about them. Whether someone is a fan of WWE or not, they’re sure to recognize John Cena’s “My Time is Now”, Hulk Hogan’s “Real American”, Triple H’s “The Game”, or CM Punk’s “Cult of Personality.” 

Music has also played an important role in some of WWE’s most iconic feuds. The quintessential video package for Daniel Bryan’s “YES” Movement and feud with Triple H leading up to him finally winning the world championship at Wrestlemania 30 was set to “Monster” by Imagine Dragons.

This is widely considered one of, if not the best, video packages that WWE has ever produced, due to the detailed way it chronicles Bryan’s entire career, from being considered an underdog and “B+ player” to winning the company’s most coveted prize in the main event of their biggest event of the year. The song, with lyrics about a man who feels like an outsider and has become something bigger than himself, elevates the emotional weight and epic feeling of the video.

With all that being said, it’s time to note one crucial detail. Notice how all of those recognizable theme songs and moments were for male performers?

Women’s wrestling has always taken a backseat to men’s wrestling, for way longer than WWE would probably like to admit. Matches with “bra and panties” stipulations, storylines centered around men and romance, an in-ring “live sex celebration” broadcast on TV, a championship belt shaped like a pink butterfly, and matches consistently being cut from shows or clocking in at under 10 minutes, sometimes even under three minutes, sadly were the norm for a very long time.

However, in the 2010s, the women’s wrestling Evolution kicked into high gear, as the women of WWE demanded to be seen as more than just “Divas.” In February 2015, after a three-hour episode of Raw had only one women’s match that lasted just over 30 seconds, fans on Twitter begged the company to #GiveDivasAChance.

The hashtag trended on Twitter and was acknowledged by WWE legends like Mick Foley, before the company’s CEO Vince McMahon tweeted the hashtag with the message “We hear you. Keep watching.” 

The next few years saw the Women’s Wrestling Evolution taking center stage, with three of the four horsewomen of WWE (Sasha Banks, Bayley, Charlotte Flair, and Becky Lynch) debuting on the company’s main roster just a few months later in July 2015 after spending the last few years taking the NXT brand by storm. Over the course of the months that followed, women and their storylines were highlighted more than ever, setting up a red-hot feud for Wrestlemania 32 in April 2016.

What was so special about Wrestlemania 32? For the first time ever, the women would not be fighting for the Divas championship, battling to wear the glittery pink and purple butterfly belt. 

For the first time in history, the woman who won the match would be winning the WWE Women’s Championship, with a belt that looked just like the one that the men fight for. In addition, female performers would no longer be referred to as “Divas” - they would now be called Superstars, just like the men.

The next couple of years saw many more “first-ever” events for women’s wrestling. Between 2016 and 2018, fans would see the first-ever women’s Hell In A Cell match, Money in the Bank match, and Royal Rumble match, stipulations that had been staples for men for decades.

This all culminated in the first-ever all-women’s pay-per-view event, aptly titled Evolution, at the Nassau Coliseum in Long Island, New York. The night included matches that fans would look back on fondly for years to come, including wrestlers that had worked incredibly hard for years and undoubtedly deserved to have their special moments.

Women’s wrestling continued to rise in popularity in 2019, with two of the four horsewomen becoming the first-ever WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions (Sasha Banks and Bayley) and the other two (Charlotte Flair and Becky Lynch), along with Ronda Rousey, made up the first-ever Wrestlemania main event to only include women.

In the years since then, there have of course been many hardships for the women of WWE, but the fanbase is behind their favorite female Superstars now more than ever. And, of course, just like the men, women’s wrestlers have used their entrance music to help build their characters and put themselves on the radar of the WWE Universe.

The aforementioned four horsewomen are a great example of this. Sasha Banks’ “Sky’s the Limit” has lyrics about reaching for the stars and achieving the dream regardless of a dark past or people who may have doubted you. This theme perfectly fits her character of “the boss”, a gritty underdog from Boston, Massachusetts who ultimately made it to the top.

Bayley’s character is a bit more complex, going from an energetic, happy-go-lucky, child-friendly character to a villain who laughs at the pain of others and betrays her friends. Her theme songs have reflected this, as her first song “Turn It Up” includes lyrics about dancing with everyone around the world while her most recent theme “Deliverance” is instrumental, filled with intimidating choir-like background and wild guitar riffs.

Charlotte Flair has never struggled with living in the shadow of her father, legendary wrestler Ric Flair. Her physicality, confidence, and general dominance made her a force to be reckoned with regardless of any men she was related to.

Her theme, “Recognition”, is a remix of her father’s music, much like how the robes she wears for her entrances are a tribute to the costumes he once wore. She maintains that she loves her family and acknowledges where she came from but is still her own person.

The final horsewoman and possibly the most popular, Becky Lynch’s theme “Celtic Invasion” seemed to doom her from the start, the music poking fun at her Irish background and setting her up to be seen as this archetype forever. However, she was able to turn the tables and become an iconic character in modern media, not just in WWE, and fans sing her music louder than the speakers play it every single night.

While the four horsewomen are often considered the poster children for the WWE Women’s Evolution, there are countless women’s wrestlers who have used their theme songs to build on their characters. Asuka’s “The Future” boasts the line “I am the future”, bringing the character’s larger-than-life, confident personality to life.

The legendary Paige’s “Stars in the Night” reads more like a pop-rock heavy-hitter than a wrestling theme, which matches her studded gear, black hair, and dark makeup perfectly. Even new rising stars like Bianca Belair have capitalized on their entrance music, embodying the line “They see that I’m way better than before, I never needed you at all” from her theme “Watch Me Shine” every time she steps into the ring.

Seeing two of my favorite things in the world in wrestling and music come together like this, especially to empower women, is something that makes my heart so happy. If you don’t already watch wrestling, I hope that this has made you want to give it a try. If you don’t plan on it, at least give some of these incredible women’s theme songs a listen (playlist linked here).

#jennifer moglia

[decoding1432]

Parents & Friends

Some stans have picked sides due to the parent’s behaviour on SM. Just the way some reflect all the hate collected from other stans onto the girls, it’s the same deal when it comes to their parents. Due to the fact that certain people can’t stand them, they decide to whether unstan or throw shit at the girls for it.

If you don’t think all these subtle shade going on is done with a purpose, try to give it a second thought.

The thing with this whole “shading” is that we've got two viewpoints:

From Camila’s side we saw how her parents stopped acknowledging the group & this happened since the fighting days. Now, let's put ourselves in the Cabellos’ shoes for a moment:

Imagine one day your daughter & her bandmates are played such a dirty trick & they cut communication. (Yes, I still believe this is how all went down). Anyway back to our scenario, now thanks to this they are not on speaking terms anymore. Your daughter releases her first solo project. It's important for her. However the people pulling the group strings are setting her in a very dark position. They are painting her in a very negative light in front of her fans.

Around those days, you log into your Twitter account several times & you see one fan turns against her. But as time passes by that one “fan” multiplicates & turns into 10 more haters. Then 50, then 100 & so it goes on & on. The situation worsens. Now, your daughter starts receiving hateful tweets 24/7. Your daughter starts getting sick. Her mental health state is seriously compromised but the people behind her career are doing nothing to help the situation, in fact they are making it more toxic for her. The issue with her bandmates is still not solved. The haters seem unstoppable at this point… Your daughter is mentally exhausted to a point where she describes her anxieties having anxieties.

That continues for a year. Along the way your daughter & her bandmates rekindled their bond. But it’s not all bright again since they must not give that away on camera. Another thing to add is that her bandmates are told not to defend her on SM to make the haters cease. Tell me are you happy with the brand & the poisonous environment they created around your daughter? The answer is obvious.

Let’s take a look at 5H’s angle. The way I see it, you’re a 40-50 year old & you spend your days bashing a 20 year old through Twitter... immaturity at its finest, right?

The tricky aspect here is that the parents’ wishes contradict their actions.

E.g.  The parents want hatred to stop. Some like Mama Dre have expressed it & also it’s not even necessary to have this captured on a tweet to understand. Anyhow, they want the hate to cease but they encourage haters with their comments? Logic 2+2= potato

Now, personally the moment Mike started being shady that seemed fishy af to me. We’re talking about the same person that liked C’s departure letter (apparently he unliked it a little after, not really sure). Anyway, even if he didn’t, he was always all about the five girls & one of the non-problematic ones before the mess started unraveling. It makes sense that they started using him, not only to cut all ties with Camren but to influence the stans more strongly as well.

I asked lawyerlarry if this has happened with their boys, using their relatives to mold or push the narrative. This was her answer:

Since we don’t know what type of contract the girls are under we can’t know for sure if the parents are completely obligated. However one thing is for sure, clearly as a parent you’re going to want the best for your kid.

I’m bringing back some points I’ve written about this same subject in a past masterpost…

TV anon: “The thing about the parents is that THEY ARE PARENTS so they are gonna be protective and going to support their child 100%. Now, the moment the girls became legal, the parents are off negotiations or meetings so the only thing they know is what their daughters told them (and we don’t know how restrictive the contract is or even if the girls go and spill full deets to their parents) and you are right, their behavior is very contradictory, even from parents of the same child. Example, Lauren’s parents. Her dad it’s super supportive of the 5 of them and her mom is really over the top, to be honest lol. I have seen them throwing shade and then talking about supporting the 5 of them so maybe the shade is for the label. Or at some point it was for Camila but then they got informed and realized the situation, who knows. Let’s not forget, they don’t belong to the industry so they don’t know how to handle situations like these. Such as their children, they are too emotional. The parents and friends subject is tricky, cause who knows how much they know/or don’t know.”

Every single time I get worried I might be overthinking I return to the question told above: If they know they are only worsening their situation & attracting more toxicity toward their daughters why would they continue with this childish behaviour? Also the girls are not stupid, cause even if these were truly their parents’ actions don’t doubt they wouldn’t stop them.

Once more, this applies to their parents. When it comes to other relatives like Leilani, we're completely unaware of how close she's or not with Dinah, let alone the rest of the girls. She could be throwing shade in order to help them or simply she’s an attention seeker. For all we know a) she could have been told an alternate story along the way b) she is acquainted with only a very small part of the truth c) nothing at all & she knows just as much as we do.

When it comes to friends, let alone not their closest friends, we can coincide that they surely don’t know the story from head to toe but since they’re familiar with the girls at a certain extent they claim to for the sake of rts & attention. Dealing with the parents topic is ambiguous. “I think the parents ought to know everything, don’t fool yourself, why would the girls keep things from them?” Believe it or not, there’s always possibility. Here I consider a list of reasons why it COULD be true:

TV anon couldn’t have said it better…

When the girls became legal, procedures & regulations on the entertainment business gave a 180 degrees turn.

Non-disclosure agreements are a common thing in the industry.

Thus far none of the girls has shaded each other. Although, other people have accomplished a fraction of this “dirty work” for them. Such as friends, crew team members, & their parents. What I’ve caught on this culmination of “bitterness” is that it’s quite contradictory. To elaborate: Lucy shaded Camila around two or three weeks later by liking one IG post that was referring to C as “Canola”. What I found funny is how less than a month before, Lucy literally appeared on Dinah’s livestream hanging with her & Camila at their bus.

When I wrote that, the BB 5H issue hadn’t come out yet. Also these past few days, Lucy has publicly shown her support for Camila on SM. Also let’s add, she isn’t the only connection from Lauren that’s been doing this lately...

Now, some of LAND’s friends have publicly supported C. To me, it hints at the bigger picture that the ladies are in good terms. Some of you might disagree, maybe you consider they’re not friends any longer. Fine that’s your POV, but I don’t share that perspective. Not because I refuse to let go OT5 or anything remotely similar, but like I’ve said numerous times before, the fact that the girls knew about C leaving since 2015 & all the moments we had along 2016 I consider it a sign that they were able to somewhat fix whatever issues they had a year before.

Even if you agree or not with me on their current friendship status, you can’t deny the following: LAND doesn’t speak badly about Camila bts unlike what media wants to make us believe.

(Fun fact: Josh liked the following two days after the split announcement)

Enough with Josh (he stans Camila hard lol) Let’s check the rest of their friends...

I would insert here the videos of Simone & Sydney jamming to CITC, unfortunately I couldn’t download them but that doesn’t me we must not take them into account as well.

Next one might not be recent but reminder that Normani wrote as part of those thoughts: “I have love and respect for all four of my bandmates whether you choose to believe it or not” “I have to address foolishness manufactured by those that have absolutely no idea what goes on” “For those who enjoy speculating and creating drama that doesn’t exist, please keep in mind that myself and the other girls in the group are PEOPLE” etc...

Out of all their friends or people they’ve worked with, in my opinion, when Angie (their temporary guitarist after Ashlee left) commented on C’s IG post is the one proof that I would take over any of the above to pinpoint that THIS...

...doesn’t reflect any of THIS...

In conclusion, I believe that the relatives & some friends are attempting to help the girls as much as they can. I repeat, it’s uncertain how much the girls are allowed to tell them. But some things are undeniably true... They (parents & friends) know how fucked up this business is, they have seen how much the 5 ladies have struggled in these past years. If there’s something they can’t do, is stop this madness. They can’t break the system, they can’t protect them from this industry. But they can try to fulfill part of the “dirty work”, otherwise I’m sure it would have to come directly from the girls. Don’t judge them, they are willing to do anything if it means taking some of the burden off of the girls’ shoulders. How do I know this latter? Cause I might only be a fan but I would do it too.

Question: if you had a friend or a relative in they industry, would you doubt putting yourself in the spotlight for a second in order to give them a hand?

P.S. Alejandro liked Clara’s “shady” tweet that was supposedly aimed at Camila.

#sorry if it took too long but i've been trying to put my life in order #hope you enjoyed it #next time you choose to call out their parents think about how much they love their kids

[cookinguptales]

So this came up on Twitter yesterday and I thought I’d post about it on Tumblr today. Frankly speaking, I’ve got a lot of young followers and this is some truth I wish someone had taught me when I was a lot younger because I would’ve gone through a lot less stress.

I know we’re all starved for outside validation on this site, but I wanna talk to you about when compliments are used by creeps. Now, you probably know about negging (when someone uses a backhanded compliment on you to make you feel bad about yourself, often in order to pick you up more easily — i.e. “you’re really pretty for a fat girl”), creepy sexualized comments on the street, etc. But I’m talking about really nice compliments about your work or your personality or your drive. Even the sweetest compliment can be used as a weapon.

(All this is going to be a pretty gendered discussion; I in no way want to say that only guys can be creeps and only women have been socialized in the ways I’m about to discuss, but, well. Let’s all be real here, there are definite patterns.)

Discussion under a cut for length and possible triggers

I don’t want to get into a lot of my own painful personal experiences with creepy guys, but I do have to bring up some examples from my own life, so I’ll use one particular guy as a case study. Let’s call him Dick. (Look, I never claimed to be mature.) I’ve had these experiences with guys IRL, but Dick was a guy I met online. At first, Dick was my friend. He clearly had a bit of a crush, but seemed to accept it when I said I wasn’t interested. It was nice having a bud who shared my interests and I knew he had some issues with socializing, so at first I was pretty patient with his problems with boundaries. But by the time my longstanding friendship with Dick ended, he had become a full-blown stalker — and my friends were on his side.

How did this happen? Well, my friends, it’s the art of the public compliment. Dick was All About Me. He loved me. He treated me right. He praised me for my mind and my heart, and he didn’t care who heard him do it. Or so I thought. It took a long time for me to realize it, but he cared very much who heard it. That was exactly why he said it. To be heard.

Over time, I started to become more and more uncomfortable with Dick’s attentions. He wanted to talk about me more than he did the media we’d bonded over. He kept talking about how our (respective) children would grow up together, and would maybe fall in love. (???) He told me that he’d gone to a place I often vacation at — and he’d looked around for tangible traces of me. Long story short, Dick had become pretty creepy.

But, like many women, my first instinct in this situation was to be nice. I wanted to go to him privately and have a polite conversation about all this. And, to his credit, he seemed truly and honestly repentant. Until he did it again. It became a pattern of me trying to establish boundaries and Dick stomping all over them. Finally, despite feeling guilty, I told him he was really upsetting me and I wanted him to leave me alone for a while.

This is when the second creepy pattern emerged. The compliment trap. When I told him to stop contacting me, he didn’t…technically. He didn’t talk to me. He talked about me. He publicly talked about what a great person I was. How smart. How kind. How forgiving. He said it to my friends. He said it to people I respected. And he tagged me.

Now, this looked nice on the outside. He was just complimenting a woman he respects! How nice! But on my side of things, it felt like a trap. All of my friends were waiting for me to acknowledge these compliments. The situation left me with three choices: thank him (in a demure, polite way befitting a modest woman, ofc) and be forced to interact with a man I’d told to leave me alone,  ignore him and look like a stuck up bitch, or say publicly that he’s a creep — which would make me look like I was “hysterical”. (See: rape culture, women “overreacting”, punishing men who “just want to be nice”, etc.)

Left with this choice, I chose option #1. I chose option #1 a bunch of times. Because this would become a pattern. I’d tell him to stop contacting me, he’d do this public complimenting game, I’d feel like I had to interact with him — and worse, I’d question my own feelings of fear. I’d say “Well, look how nice he’s being. Maybe he’s just awkward. He clearly likes me. He doesn’t want to hurt me. Maybe I really was overreacting.” And I’d talk to him again. Until he’d ask me for my address for a Christmas card or something.

And I didn’t realize for a really long time that he wasn’t being nice! This behavior! It was not nice! It was deeply emotionally manipulative! He’d put this horrible emotional onus on me to forgive and forgive and forgive, steadily gaslighting me into forgetting how scared I’d been until I blamed myself for being so quick to react… and let him back into my life. Because this was all public. All our “fighting” happened in private. All those times I begged him to just ease up a little were privy to only the two of us. All our friends, all my support system, only saw a nice boy with a crush praising a girl he liked and her refusing to give him the time of day.

Guess what happened when I finally put my foot down and stopped engaging when he did this? Oh boy. Oh boy. He started sending me literally dozens of messages a day, sometimes over a hundred. Have you ever had a person sending you @s on tumblr and twitter, private messages on tumblr and twitter, public and private messages on Facebook, emails, LJ messages, IMs on two different clients, and forum messages? Every single goddamn day? Dozens of times? Have you ever had a guy start showing interest in something you know he never liked before — just so he can “coincidentally” run into you on every community you’ve ever joined?

Honestly, I was so stressed. In tears all the time. My school work was suffering. No matter how many times I tried to tell him to stop, to avoid him, etc., he just kept going. I told him that we were done. No more forgiveness. I wanted absolutely zero contact — and I wanted him to never mention me on social media again. I didn’t want him to @ me. I didn’t want him to say my name. I didn’t want him to make thinly veiled sad posts about me. Zero contact. If he did that, I wouldn’t block him on every single platform and tell everyone we knew.

Yeah, I was dumb. I still wanted to be nice and polite. He’d been my friend, y’know? I didn’t want to ruin his life. I just wanted him to stop ruining mine. Even then, I didn’t understand how manipulative he’d been. I still believed he was just kind of awkward, and that I was probably the dick for being unable to deal with it. After all, I’d been friends with him, right? I’d encouraged him, right? It’d felt good to have someone like me so much, right?

(Yeah, until it didn’t.)

I almost got out this time, though. He almost made it. Sure, he “accidentally” replied to my posts every few weeks. (Somehow I didn’t put together that even though I’d unfollowed him, he clearly hadn’t unfollowed me. I guess I just thought that he’d kept seeing my posts when our mutual friends replied to them.) I felt pretty good. In fact, I was at a point where I felt almost silly for being upset in the first place. And then our mutual friends started asking me why we weren’t talking as much. He’d liked me so much. We’d had such good conversations. They talked about maybe reconnecting with him. After all, they’d only ever seen him being nice.

And god help me, I said okay. I figured he must have grown! Learned his lesson! Nah, that fucker was back to sending me tons of messages, talking to my friends (who did not know him), inserting himself in conversations I was having with others, making plans for the children I never wanted to have, etc.

I finally blocked him. E v e r y w h e r e. And I felt so fucking relieved that I was actually angry with myself for not doing it earlier. This man had harassed me for years, and I’d been the one to feel guilty over it.

Still private, I contacted our mutual friends and told them very briefly that he’d been harassing me and I was cutting off contact. I asked them to support me. Some people did.

A lot of people didn’t.

They’d only seen his public face. They’d only seen the avalanche of love and compliments. He hadn’t known better!! He just didn’t know how to express his feelings!! Next thing I knew, they were forwarding messages from him to me. Even after I’d blocked the fucker, he was still using compliments and romantic gestures to get to me! Through the people I’d trusted!

I’d finally had enough and was very public about this man who’d harassed me. I told people everything I’d been putting up with. I aired all our dirty laundry that I’d tried so hard to keep politely private. And some people believed me.

But a lot of people didn’t.

(This, coincidentally, is why I don’t answer tumblr asks privately anymore, not unless the person specifically asks me to and they haven’t been creepy at all. I had another guy pull this on me and I found myself in this same position again and all I had was private harassment. So no more of that! Public contact all the way.)

But Sarah, you say, isn’t this an isolated incident? Why are you making this huge tumblr post about one guy? Well, number one, it wasn’t one guy. This happened to me several times before I recognized that this wasn’t one man — this was a pattern of behavior that many men share. Number two, it speaks to wider issues that I’d like to address.

Media pushes this idea that if a girl is mad at you, you just have to work hard to be romantic and win her back. Piss her off? Hold up a boom box outside her window! Romantic, right? No, bruh, you’re lurking outside a girl’s bedroom window when she said she doesn’t be around you. She’s terrified and you’re being a creep. This isn’t gonna win her back. It’s just going to tell her you don’t know how to respect her boundaries.

Women are socialized to be nice even when they’re scared. We’re supposed to ignore the alarm bells in our head because it’s not socially acceptable to pull away. When we are complimented, we are supposed to acknowledge it graciously. When someone likes us, we are supposed to like them back. If we draw strong boundaries and enforce them, we often face strong social consequences. I’m here to tell you that every one of those consequences is worth it to help you feel safe.

Hell, I’ll reiterate it. It’s okay to be a bitch. Don’t sacrifice your mental and emotional well being for someone else’s. Women are supposed to be self-sacrificial, too… but you don’t have to be. A truly good person wouldn’t want you to be.

A PERSON WHO REALLY LIKES AND RESPECTS YOU WILL NOT WANT YOU TO FEEL UNSAFE AROUND THEM. IF THEY’RE OKAY WITH YOU BEING SCARED OF THEM, THIS IS A DEEPLY UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.

Compliments are not always kind!! You do not always need to be grateful for them! Even nice compliments, ones that are more “you have beautiful writing” vs “nice tits”, can be utilized to emotionally manipulate you and those around you. If a compliment is making you uncomfortable because of the context in which it’s given, you do not need to even acknowledge it. It doesn’t make you stuck up or a bitch. Compliments are supposed to build you up and make you feel good, y’know? If it’s hurting you, it’s still a shitty compliment and that’s on them.

We’re taught that it’s best to be discreet. Naw, man. Be as public as possible, especially if someone’s giving you weird vibes. Keep things on the public record. Like, don’t be an asshole or anything, don’t publicize private information, but you don’t have to keep your conflict in the dark away from prying eyes. That’s only going to benefit the person hurting you… because there will be no established pattern of behavior. Establish establish establish.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, no one is owed your attentions. It doesn’t matter if they like you. It doesn’t matter if they do nice things for you. It doesn’t matter if there’s social pressure to acknowledge them and/or their efforts. It doesn’t matter if they do every single thing right. If you don’t want to interact with someone, you don’t have to. It doesn’t matter if they just give you vague creep vibes — or if you just plain don’t like them! No one is owed your attentions! Never feel trapped into interacting with people because they make you feel guilty!

(And for that matter, never let someone make you uncomfortable because “they’re just socially awkward”. You can be sympathetic towards someone’s social issues without letting them make you feel unsafe. Believe me, I’ve fallen into this one so many times.)

Anyway, tl;dr? Live bitch is better than dead sweetheart. Don’t fall for the compliment trap. Tell him to fuck off. If friends try to act as intermediary between you and someone you cut out of your life, they’re trash. Tell them to fuck off, too. You have my blessing.

#I literally have no idea how to tag this #but if my bad experiences help anyone else I'm happy