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#i kow they still have difference but it's just something that came to me
relentlessescapism · 4 months
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King of Greed by Ana Huang thoughts!
I was super excited about this book after all the little sneak peeks we got in KoW and KoP and the newsletters from Ana and fully expected this book to be the Twisted Lies of this series; long, slower-paced, and showing us plenty of detailed recollections about each character's pasts. I was hoping for it, too, given the very basic explanation for why they were falling apart through Vivian's and Isabella's books.
This story, unfortunately, was a huge disappointment. It said the same sad thing in a million different ways at the end of every single chapter. Alessandra had lost herself in her marriage and she wanted herself back and Dom had no idea he could lose Alessandra, until he did, and now he'd do anything to get her back. Every time Alessandra told him another way she had been hurt by him, he was suffocated and couldn't believe it and felt so much pain for causing her pain. Like, I get it, the marriage sucked, but I want to know more about their future after the separation and I need to see the groveling.
The second chance was so skimmed over and repetitive that it just annoyed me and made me ache for them to stop being in the same vicinities.
It was not as drawn out as it should've been and Alessandra gave into him so easily that it was so awkward to read. That, plus the fact that Dom barely groveled and Alessandra barely stood her ground. Yeah, she told him how much he hurt her, but nothing came of it except Dom getting hurt over it and then pulling away and then pulling her back against her wishes. There was no actual good dynamic change in their relationship. It was all sex and the emotions were glossed over so quickly that nothing had obviously changed at all between them.
Plus, the excuse he had for not showing up for the opening party was just not talked about enough. Alessandra had no backbone with him. She accepted it right away and didn't even try to argue that hey, her worst fear of being chosen over his work literally came true. It was just not interesting and the worst part of it all, is that it could've been so good. There was so much room for a slow burn and a redemption arc, maybe even some more specific events from their past that rear their ugly heads in their present relationship, but for some reason, every problem had an easy solve and they just didn't have an issue ever again.
The fact that none of the characters had a strong hold on me was disappointing when there was so much room for that. I wanted to know more about Alessandra's relationship with money and how it changed after the divorce. Yes, she grew up without longing for it but what about needing to navigate New York(and her being in one of the most expensive cities to live in in the NY) with a single income and one of a start-up that was definitely not making millions or billions yet?(Or maybe it was but how would we know?) Why didn't we get to hear more about that side of Alessandra? The one that didn't have any fear of losing anything when she left for Brazil on a one-way ticket. I want to know why Ana didn't even consider that new aspect to add into Alessandra's character. What was her college experience like? Did she not have any friends from college that she lost touch with over the years, or some childhood friends that could've been her sisters but slowly turned bitter when she married someone as successful as Dom? Just more examples of things that could've been more interesting to add to the book in my humble opinion.
Same with Dom – we know he was in the foster system and needed to secure his future, but what about other things he cared about? What about Alessandra even drew them together? I still have no idea. What about his other friends? What about finding his bio parents? I just wished more was talked about for the characters' backstories. Just give me something.
Overall, I feel like the book was a disappointment when it could've been the best of the Kings of Sin series and been super interesting and great and exciting and gratifying, but there really wasn't much she wanted to say about these characters, I guess.
Other things about the book that I noticed:
There was an age mess up. Alessandra said they got married at 21, her present age for the majority of the book was 31, and then in the flashback of them getting married, she was 23.
And there's a few paragraphs missing from the book. I didn't notice many, but I read the book on KU and when I looked at the physical copy I ordered, the paragraph I had highlighted in the epilogue was not there. (It was the one about Xavier but still!! It was important to me!!)
Those are my thoughts. I know it's not very organized or clear, but I'm just having a lot of emotions about it and I just wish it was better. It had so much more potential for all that build-up and the fact that it was the most uneventful of her books so far despite it having room for so much was thoroughly disappointing.
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valentina-writes · 3 years
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Starfall
Word count: 2.2k
A/N: I had a lot of fun writing this, feel free to ask for a specific imagine, headcanon or oneshot. At first I will only write for Azriel. Thanks for reading!
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“Look, y/n, there is nothing you need to worry about. Nothing. It’s Azriel we are talking about. He may be a spymaster, but he’s pretty damn clueless at the same time”, your best friend Mor reminded you.
The two of you were standing in your bedroom in the House of Wind, getting ready for starfall. You had just been talking about your crush on the spymaster in question - to be honest, that was no surprise. You had found a person to rely on when you told Mor about your feelings for him. And since then somehow all of your conversations seemed to be about him.
“I know, Mor, I know! But everything I do, everything I say seems so obvious to me. And I can’t even do anything about it! I try being decent about it, but it’s always the same. We start talking about anything and I can only concentrate on how close he is and on his eyes and his face and his lips and then I start blushing and it gets super awkward”.
Embarassing memories of your last birthday came to your mind, where you had hugged him for the present he gave you - a beautiful necklace - and he had been noticably uncomfortable for the rest of the evening, shadows surrounding him. Then Mor, already super drunk, had nearly told him you were in love with him, after you tried to apologize and talk about the next mission he would be sent on.
She thought about your concerns for a while and just said: “Then try not to talk to him. I don’t think that he ever noticed anything weird about your behavior, because then he would’ve said something. But if you are not comfortable striking up a conversation because of what could happen, just don’t do it”.
Then she left your bedroom mumbling something about Rhys’ wine and you were left on your own.
Your heart was beating in anticipation and fear. You would see Azriel today. Truly see him, after months of only getting a few glimpses at him before he was sent on his next mission.
But what would he do if he noticed that you were in love with him? Would he push you away? Tell you that he’s still not over Mor? Laugh at you for your childish hopes?
You pushed your worries aside and smoothed out your dark blue dress. Today was a holiday. A festive day meant to be celebrated. Even if you would deeply embarrass yourself again, there would still be Mor and Cassian and Rhys’ good wine to help you forget what you had done.
When you left your room, there was already music playing and a few guests chatting and drinking. The house was beautifully decorated. But you could not appreciate any of that. 
“Y/n! Come over here!”, Cassian called out to you. You quickly spotted him and braced yourself. Where Cassian was, there usually was Azriel too.
And yes, there next to Cassian, hidden behind his raging shadows, was Azriel, handsome as ever. You quickly shifted your glance to the group surrounding him, unable to look at him for another second.
You could not have him. Never. He was still in love with Mor, still not over his past. And though you couldn’t blame him for that, your feelings did not cease. If anything, they grew stronger by the second. And that terrified you. Because what if you would spend eternity yearning and longing for him like you were now?
“Are you alright?”, Rhys asked you. He looked concerned, as if he could see right through you.
“Yes, it’s fine. I’m just a little tired, that’s all”, you quickly said and smiled at him. That wasn’t even a lie. Since Azriel had been on one of his dangerous missions to the Autumn Court, you hadn’t been able to sleep at night, always fearing for his life. Every morning when a new report from him came, you were incredibly happy. He was alive.
“Well, then prepare to be even more tired tomorrow. You won’t get any sleep tonight!”, Cassian exclaimed, pointing at the dance floor that was now filling up.
“We will see, Cassy, we will see”.
“Cassy? I like that. I like that a lot. Maybe I should call you Cassy baby. That fits your childish antics”, Amren said, joining your group. You were almost sure that you heard a low chuckle out of Azriel’s direction.
“I should better get going”, Rhys quietly excused himself, walking towards Feyre, the newest addition to your circle. He seemed to be drawn towards her, like you were towards Azriel. The only difference being that she acted the same way as Rhysand, instead of kepping away.
“Me too. I’m gonna get Mor, I don’t want her to drink all of the good stuff herself”, Cassian said and disappeared in the crowd. You desperately wanted him to stay. Being alone with Azriel would only lead to awkward looks and you rambling on and on about something like the weather.
“Gosh, if they keep going like that they won’t be able to stand upright at the end of the night”. Amren shot some glances at you and Azriel, while saying that. You had never explicitly told her about your feelings, but still it looked like she knew something. Probably because of how obvious you usually were about your feelings.
“Anyway, that’s too funny not to watch. I will have them get me some fresh blood tomorrow for keeping an eye on them”. Amren mouthed a good luck to you and then made her way through the crowd, too - in a totally different direction than Cassian. You would not get her any blood, that was for sure. She had set you and Azriel up against your will. 
You felt your cheeks heating up, when you turned to face Azriel. His face showed no sign of noticing what Amren just had done.
“Hi”, you breathed, “it’s nice to see you”. You tried your best holding his gaze without showing how he made you feel. How his hazel eyes burned into your soul, making your knees wobbly and heart pound.
“It’s nice to see you too, y/n”, he answered.
For a while you just stood there, watching the others. Mor and Cassian had started a very ... unconservative looking dance battle. You started to think about what you could tell him, how you could start a conversation. When all of a sudden-
“Do you want to dance?”. It was more of a whisper than anything else, nearly drowning in the noise of the crowd.
You spun around to see him looking at you. For the first time today you allowed yourself to look at him, truly look at him. He looked very tired and reserved, his wings tucked tightly against his back. The usual look of shyness surrounding his face. You could not look away, drank in his features, noticing his dark blue suit. The same color as his siphons he didn’t wear today. The same color as your dress.
“Yes”, you said, smiling. Your heart began to beat even faster when he laid his hand on your waist and lead you to the dance floor. Subconsciously, you shivered at the feeling of his hands through the thin fabric of your gown. 
Azriel pulled you closer and started to slowly dance with you. You silently prayed. Dear Mother, please don’t let him hear my heartbeat. Don’t let him find out.
“I didn’t know that you can dance”, you said. He expertly waltzed you through the room. In that moment only the two of you seemed to exist. Everybody else had disappeared from your mind.
“I enjoy dancing. But only with the right partner”. Your heart fluttered in your chest at this comment. 
He opened his mouth as to say something else, but suddenly his shadows left their usual place aroung his neck and chest and darted towards you.
They brushed your face and arms, as if they wanted to play with you. You even thought you could hear them whisper things in your ear - too silent to actually make it out.
“I’m sorry, y/n”, he gasped, trying to regain control. His face looked pained, almost shocked, as he let you go and surrounded his shadows around him again. He shook his head and went out onto a near balcony.
What had just happened there? What did this mean? You went after him, wanting to see if he was okay. 
You joined him on the balcony, his wings flared as if he wanted to leave. He was so beautiful against the night sky. All of the stars looking dull in comparison to him. Laying your hand on his arm, you turned him around.
“Why did you stop?”, you wanted to kow. You did not care about the blush on your face or the concern in your voice. You did not care about exposing your feelings to him. All you cared about was him.
“It’s ... my shadows. I couldn’t control them. I’m sorry, y/n”, he repeated.
You took another step towards him, not understanding his reasoning.
“What do you mean?”. He frowned and looked down for a second. His shadows were already starting to reach out to you again.
“Most people ... most people fear them They don’t like being close to them. Close to me”. You glanced at his shadows and reached for one of them, touching it. It felt cool against your hand, chilly like the air surrounding you. 
“I don’t care, Az, they are a part of you. And to me, they appear rather playful if anything”. Again, he looked down. Almost ashamed. But then his shadows swirled freely around you, like the evening breeze.
“Also, they don’t like being near most people. They shy away. But with you ... they call out to you. Want to be near you”. Your heart missed a beat. His shadows... but that didn’t mean that he felt the same way, right? Maybe that’s why he was so embarrassed. Because his shadows acted against his will.
As you ran your fingers through the shadows and looked at his face, the way his eyes glowed in the moonlight, you made a decision. This could not go on the way it did for the last one-hundred years. You loved him. Every part of him. And if he did not feel the same way, you would end it here and now.
“Azriel, I...”, you started, but he stopped you.
“Don’t, y/n. Please, don’t”. Pain appeared in his eyes, his wings and shadows folding around him, as if to protect him. But you did not budge.
“Az, I love... I love you. I have loved you since I met you. I did not plan on telling you this, but I...I cannot live like this anymore. The constant hiding and the fear of exposing my feelings. I love you. Every part of you. And if you don’t feel the same way about me ... then that’s fine”. When this burden, the feelings you had kept to yourself for such a long time, fell from your chest, you felt weak. He would send you away, tell you he didn’t feel the same. 
You already turned around, unable to look at the shock in his eyes anymore, when his shadows pulled you back. His expression softened as he looked at your face.
“I love you too, y/n. But I was scared. Scared that this would not work out, scared of opening up. Scared of the possibility that I wasted over four hundred years waiting for Mor to fall in love with me. I did not know how to approach you, what to tell you. I wanted to be with you, yes I did. But it felt impossible, so I tried pushing you away”. He breathed out, relaxing. He loved you. He loved you. That was all you could think about.
“I went on all these missions to try to get my head free. I tried not to think about you or my feelings or how you felt about me. I tried to stop my feelings. But when I saw you today, for the first time in months ... I did not know how to react. And then we were dancing and ... the shadows gave everything away”. You reached out for his hands, holding them in yours. He let out a sharp breath but then relaxed at your touch.
“I could not sleep when you were gone”, you said, your voice barely more then a whisper, “I was afraid something would happen to you. And I was the one to check your reports every day. I nearly died every night at the thought of you dying”. Tears started to form in his eyes, as he pulled you closer.
“That’s what I felt like too”, he murmured against your hair. You let out a deep sigh.
Azriel cradled your face in his hands, ever so gently and kissed you on your lips. His wings closed around you as he deepened the kiss, slowly tasting your lips and melting into your touch.
His shadows now caressed you as he held you close. The kiss was long and sensual, as if he had waited for this to happen for a long time. As if he could never get enough of you.
And when both of you had run out of breath, you just silently stood there on the balcony, wrapped in his wings and arms, listening to his heartbeat as the stars around you fell.
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arthurflecksgirl · 3 years
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Hi sweety❤️ Can I have a fic where Arthur helps x reader who's having a panick attack? him calming her down, cuddling her... thank you so much 😘
My dear friend. Thank you sooooo much for your request. I really really hope you like the result.
Summary: You`re greateful for how far you and Arthur had come in your relationship, how much progress he made to experience true happiness. But then you discover one of his journal entries. Is he still in the same dark place he was before? Just the thought of him suffering is giving you a panic attack. But Arthur is right there with you...
The dim light from the tv screen was the only light that filled the living room. Murray Franklin was talking to a well known comedian. You watched Arthur resting on the couch. He was falling asleep during the live show, even though he was looking forward to this episode all day, he was so tired, his eyes got heavy when Ellis Draine and his Jazz Orchestra started playing already.
"One day" you thought watching him breathe in and out like it was the easierest thing to do when you suffered from waht he had been through. One day he will be sitting on Murrays couch and telling his own jokes. And his idol will be proud of him like a father. Because he deserved it. He deserved the world.
Arthur seemed at peace with himself sleeping. That was new. Which made you proud of how far you two have come in your relationship. He was getting better.You felt it every morning waking up, receiving your good morning kiss from his coffee stained lips and cigarette tasting breath. He was making baby steps but looking at it now, over a year later it was a total different world he was living in. The one you created together. Ever since you met him you wanted to cure him. To support and comfort him through everyday life. To help him out of his mindset which was all that he had known since he was little.
People kept telling you that it was impossible to heal wounds like his. To heal someone that experienced his kind of trauma. That all he needed was proffessional help. But you knew that they missed out at something. Just because he needed his meds didnt mean that love wasnt the key for his cure.  You knew that there were some scars hidden inside of him, buried so deep that it would take years to get through and be able to work on that. But you also knew that being  loved was the only thing in this world that could ease Arthurs pain and make him the man he always wanted to be. He was destined to be.
And every single day  spent together was proof that he was making progress. His smile became more and more genuine. His laughing fits didnt happen as often anymore and if so they wouldnt last that long because you would hold him and help him breathe until it was over. He also told you about his journal entries and how they changed. His therapist was also seeing the changes. He was talking about how much more poetry and beautiful thoughts filled the pages.
You gently stroke his hair. Watching him sleep always felt pretty intimate to you. He was so vulnerable and unaware of his beauty. But you knew that even in his sleep he was aware of another thing- your love. Thats why he was even able to get some sleep.
You took another close look at his face. You could never get enough of him. It was risky to give him a kiss on his closed eyelids. Arthur had a very light sleep and could wake up any second but there was no way to fight the urge to do so. His eyelid fluttered under the soft touch of your bottom lip, but he didnt wake. You let your index finger travel over his dark eyebrows. They were shaped so perfectly, matching his piercing eyes and the slight circles underneath them. His body was still stressed out from work. His fragile body which was trying so hard not to break down while starving.
His stomach problems caused by his meds was another thing you had to work through. You looked at the bowl on the table. he almost finished his soup today, which was a good sign. You smiled, got up from your knees and walked to his desk to get the empty cups of coffee from the morning. It was time to make the dishes.
But the moment you grabbed the cups his journal distracted you. It was opened. You wondered about his last entries, the ones he wanted to show you because he wrote some new poems lately.
It took you a moment to think about if it was even okay to have a look at the opened page but it was already too late. One sententence was marked, the letters thicker than the rest of the written words. It caught your eye without a warning. And when you read it, your heart stopped for a second.
"I just hope my death makes more cents than my life"
Why?
Why the hell would he write something cruel like that?
The letters started to blurr through your tears. One tear was falling upon the page. Right on the word HOPE.
Shit. Now he would notice that you came near this page. You nerveausly grabbed a handkerchief and pressed it on the spot where the tear was soaking through the page. It was too late, making it look even worse.
You started to cry , throwing the handkerchief on the floor.
Why?
Yo thought he was getting better. There was so much proof.
Did he felt like his life was worthless?
Didnt make any sense?
Was he feeling like all of this wasnt making sense?
You thought you helped him.
Was it al in your mind? His proress? Him becoming a happier version of himself? Was it all a lie you told yourself?
The possibility of Arthurstill being the same tortured soul as when you met him simply broke your heart.
Why was a beautiful and gentle soul like him suffering so much? How cruel can the world be to him?
Was he still wishing he was dead? Was he still lying in bed at night, fantasizing about ending his own life?  Would he ever hurt himself again? Risking to being locked up at Arkham, so there was no chance to share a bed together? Just visits with him being handcuffed on the other side of the table? Was there still a chance he was that unhappy inside?
Tears fell like rain.
The pain inside your heart grew with every thought that crossed your mind. If life was still torture to him, why wouldnt he talk about this to you? Didnt he trusted you enough? Was he embarrassed about how he felt? Or was it simply because he didnt wanted you to get worried about his condition?
It was all too much.
You started to feel like your throath was getting tighter. Like the walls were closing in. Everything inside of you screamed. There was this nameless fear inside of your guts. Possesing you, hurting you. It was getting harder and harder to breathe.
Dizzyness overcame you with all its power. Cold sweat. All of the sudden the happiness you felt while watching him sleep was being sucked out of your body. And now all you knew was fear.  Liek it was the only emotion left in the world. Pure, naked fear in its rawest form.
A panic attack.
You had experienced this before but never this intense.
You sat down on the chair, trying not to look at the opened journal again.  It hurt so much. All of it did. Your body. Your heart. Mostly your heart. And your head. Both heavy from tears and the thought of Arthur being suicidal.
Your breathing got heavier as you started to sobb.
And then you heard Arthurs footsteps. His naked feet on the floor. You woke him up. He was finally resting and you woke him. This made you feel even worse.
"Oh my god Y/N, darling. What happened?" He noticed your tears and heavy breathing.
"Dont worry....Arhur....please....just go back to sleep okay? You need your sleep.  You`ve been working hard today...."
Arthur checked your pulse "Oh shit, your heart is racing. Did you took any medication? "
"No..."
"Did something else happen?" He checked your forehead, noticed your shaking hands. "Looks like you`re having a panic attack. I know the symptoms very well. I had so many in the past when I woke up from nightmares."
You nodded. Still sobbing like a baby. Arthur gave you one of his handkerchiefes and started to stroke your hair "Oh darling, I kow this feels terrible. But it will pass. Just try to breathe. Breathe with me okay. Remember when you helped me breathe during my laughing fits? I will do the same with you now okay?"
"Okay"
Arthur lifted you up and carried you to the couch.
"Is that okay? Is it comfortable?" you nodded. He was so caring it broke your heart. He cared so much about you, while inside he was suffering from so much pain.
He positioned himself behind you, resting both of his hands on your tummy and told you to breathe in and out like he did. Until you felt your breath becoming one with his. Just as calm and deep.
"Good" he whispered, his gentle fingers under your shirt. He knew that skin on skin contact helped calming you down.
"You`re doing great" his voice was everything you needed to hear.
"Oh Arthur....I feel like I cant breathe...."
"Shhhhhhtt.....baby I know. I know how it feels. Your body is telling you lies. You can breathe. Just do it with me."
"You felt Arthurs chest lifting up and down, his warm breath in your neck. He was everything to you. You needed him to be happy.
Arthur placed thoughtful kisses all over your neck. As soft as a butterflies wings. You tried to concentrate on the details. His long , dark eyelashes crossing the spot behind your ears. The tip of his nose tickeling you. His muffled "I love you`s".
"I`m sorry I woke you up"
"Dont be!"
"There was this sudden fear coming over me. It was like....I thought I was dying."
"I´m right here with you Y/N. Nothing bad is going to happen to you, I promise!"
You nodded. Knowing he was right. Nothing could harm you with Arthurs arms around you. You just wished it was the same the other way around. Wasnt it the same?
His journal said it wasnt.  His written words hitting you like a knife.
"Do you know what triggered this?" He asked you, while his hand was caressing your chest.
Should you tell him? He would notice the wet spot on his journal page anyway.
"Arthur I am so scared to tell you this but...I was ...oh god....I was looking at your opened diary  page. It was lying on teh table when I was getting the coffee cups and there was this sentence that caught my eyes......" you started to sobb uncontrolable.
"What page?" he asked "Please dont cry. Ohhhhhh please ...." he pulled you closer to his chest so his heartbeat was pressed against you.
"You wrote....."I just hope my death makes more cents than my life...." Arthur. This hit me so hard. I didnt knew you still felt like this. I dont know.....what to say....I`m just.......oh Arthur....." you pressed yourself against him as if your life depended on it. Arthurs white shirt was now soaked with tears.
"Ohhh nooo darling. That was my old journal. My therapist wanted to bring it back to her to proof how much progress I made since I met you!"
You loosened your embrace to look him in the eyes "W-What?"
"Yeah" he shrugged "I just marked the darkest pages to see how far we have come and stopped at this one before going to sleep."
The weight of the world was falling off your shoulders "Really?"
"Yes.....oh  Y/N I am so sorry you had to go through these emotions just because I was so stupid to leave my old journal lying on the table. "
"You are not stupid Arthur!"
"Well this time I was"
"It was my fault....I shouldnt have looked at the page in the first place".
The air was finally coming back. Your body was starting to relax again.
Arthur held you close in his arms "That was the old me. And yes sometimes I´m still having dark thoughts but its just.....echoes from the past. Its not part of our reality anymore. Its just ghosts. They`re not real. Just trying to tell me lies. So I am not listening to them . I´m listening to you. To your words of love and comfort. I`m save with you. And you are save with me. Remember?"
"I remember Arthur. I love you so much!"
"I love you more"
"Thats impossible" you smiled, kissing his upper lip.
Arthur rested his head in the crook of your neck whispering "If I`ve learned one thing from being loved, its this: Nothing`s impossible - with you in my arms".
@impulsiveclown @will-you-be-there @jokerownsmysoul @missjoker96 @arthurskitten @lynnesm @nonnymousse @gwynplaine89 @ajokeformur-ray@damnrightobsessedwithim @sgtsavoytruffle  @duhliriouss  @flowerglitterwoman @thirstforfleck @spookyhome @iartsometimes  @you-cant-cry-in-here @bustafatclownnut @jokerismyhubbie  @check-out-this-joker @darknessisafriend  @arthurhappyclown    @neon-umbrella-for-stella    @call-me-harley-quinn  @arthurjokersgirl
@aarthurfleckk @mylovelycrazyworld @clownalog @ajokerfangirl  @the-one-who-is-chaos @sabrinaeileensnape @raven-romanoff
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writingkeepsmewhole · 4 years
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Movie Night
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This is part 7 of Kitten. This is a filler chapter of fluff. Please let me kow what yall think :)
Fic Summery: Sophia has never known love, her always picking the “good guy” him always turning out to be like a snake in the weeds. What will happen when shes took home one night by a “bad guy” him showing her things she never knew about herself.
Part Summery: Sophia and Dean have a movie night.
Warnings: I don’t know if there is any?
Let me know if you want to be tagged would love to add you: @vicmc624​ @deanwanddamons​ @that-one-gay-girl @akshi8278​ @loelizabeth100 @nihilismworld​ @grungebbygurl​ @lettuceheadjerry​ @suckmyapplejacks​
Part 1  Part 6
I open my eyes, the tingling feeling of my numb arm waking me up. That’s almost forgotten when I’m met with the T-shirt covered chest of Dean winchester. The smell of hot cinnamon filling my senses. His arms were wrapped around me holding me close to him. Explaining why my arm was numb, it penned between mine and his body.
I couldn’t remember the last time I was held like this. If I was ever held like this. Harry never liked to cuddle. It makes him too hot. Him flat out telling me it was weird at one point.
But Dean was the totally opposite it seemed. He has shown me multiple times he doesn't mind at all to be close to me. That thought made my cheeks heat up. Dean was nothing like Harry and I don’t know why I found myself comparing the two. I barely knew Dean but I knew he was better.
The prickly stabs in my arm pulled me from my thoughts and reminded me why I woke up. I chew on my lip not wanting to wake Dean up but I really needed to move. All I needed to do was move back just enough to let the blood flow back into my arm.
Taking a breath I try to slowly wiggle a few inches from Dean. I almost frown when I watch Dean’s eyes flutter open. Their dark green instantly jumped to mine.
I blush and look down at his neck, my lip still between my teeth.
“Mmm morning.” He says closing his eyes again.
His voice was deep, the deepest I might have ever heard it. He lifts his right arm leaving my side as he rolls over on his back and stretches. His other one trapped under my head but he didn’t seem to mind. A cold rush feels my space between us along with my arm as it gets blood back into it.
“Well night I guess I should say.” He says glancing at the clock on the bedside table.
It was midnight.
“Been a while since I slept that long.” He says looking back at me.
I blush and smile at him. It's been a long time since I woke up next to a man. There is something intimate about it.
“You okay?” He asks gently as if he didn’t know what that question would unleash in me.
I nod and smile at him.
He rolls back over on his side, not laying as close to me as he was but close enough. There are only a few inches between us. He moves his arm from under my head and places it under his after he places himself eye level with me.
“So you can talk now?” He asks softly. Yesterdays or earlier events coming back to me. I spoke his name. It was a whisper but it was still a word. Something I haven’t done in months.
I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out. I frown in frustration and disappointment.
“Hey, it’s okay. Progress is progress even if it’s slow. Beside if all you ever say again is my name, I could live with that.” He says a playful smirk on his face.
Heat fills my cheeks as I look down once again.
A soft chuckle leaves his mouth followed by a yawn.
“Man I could go for some pie right now.” He says making me look back up at him.
“You want some pie?” He asks.
I shrug and then nod. I wasn’t really hungry but I never was. If it meant spending more time with Dean I would take it.
“Let’s go get some pie.” He says rolling to get out of bed.
I sit up lifting my arms over my head to stretch the stiffness out of my back. I blush when I watch Dean’s eyes dance over my body. He quickly looks at my face when he realizes I caught him. I’m surprised to watch his ears turn red.
“Sorry, you just look good when you do that.” He says his voice husky.
“I’m gonna go get my keys and wallet and meet me in the kitchen.” He says pointing at the door with his thumb.
I smile and nod telling him I understood.
He smiles and leaves the room.
I can’t help but smile at what he said, butterflies dancing in my stomach. I know he didn’t mean it but it still felt nice to get a complement.
Climbing out of bed I walked to the bathroom to take care of my business. After I was done I brushed my teeth and washed my face.
There wasn’t much I could do but I didn’t want to walk around looking like I just woke up. I brushed my hair letting it fall down my back.
It wasn’t as long as I used to keep it. Harry set it on fire a few weeks ago. Despite that it looked heather then it has in a long time.
I smiled at my reflection, a happy calm in my chest. I would take it.
I left my bath and bedroom and went to the kitchen. Dean was not there but that was okay.
I sat down at the table and only waited a moment or two before Dean came through the door.
“Sorry I forgot my boots in your room.” He asks, looking me up and down.
I was glad to find he was dressed in the same thing he was before we fell asleep. It makes me not feel so bad about wearing the same thing.
“I forgot to give these to you yesterday. I hope they fit.” He says handing me a pair of black sneakers.
I smile and take them from him, happy to have shoes again. I slip them on surprised when they are my size.
“They fit?” He asks hopefully.
I nod as I tie them up smiling at him.
“Good, I took a guess.”
I smile and sit up looking at him.
“You ready princess?” He asks, holding his hand out towards me.
Smiling, I take it, him pulling me to my feet.
“I should apologize to you.” He says leading me towards the garage.
I look up at him in confusion, having no idea what he should be apologizing for.
“I keep calling you pet names without thinking. For all I know you hate them. Also that’s something I should have asked your permission for.” He says casualty.
I shake my head earning his green gaze.
“You don’t mind them?”
I shake my head again.
“You like them?”
I smile and nod, earning a smile back. It makes him look younger, almost boyish. I definitely enjoyed them. They always made me smile.
“Well that’s good to know.” He says as we walk into the garage.
Once again it takes me by surprise by the different cars, even a few bikes. But as always Dean walks to the black impala and opens the passenger door for me.
I smile as a thank you and get into the car. He shuts the door for me then walks around the car getting behind the wheel.
“Dinner or gas station?” He asks looking over at me.
I wrinkle my brow at him, making him chuckle.
“Do you want to go in and sit down somewhere?” He asks me a yes or no question.
I shake my head and gesture at myself hoping he knows I don’t want to go anywhere dressed in what could be a pj’s.
“Alright gas station it is. We can come back here to eat and watch movies, okay?” He asks as he starts the car.
I nod smiling as the calming rubble fills the air.
We ride in a comfortable silence, the sound of old rock tuned down as background music. It was nice, it was relaxing to just sit and relax. Not having to think about making someone happy. Or walking on eggshells. Having to tiptoe around waiting for the next fight or next beating.
With Dean I could just breathe. I wasn’t expected to do anything.
It didn’t take long to drive into town and stop at the nearest gas station. This was apparently normal for Dean because the man behind the counter greeted Dean like he knew him.
Dean’s grip never left mine as he looked at the different pie slices. I was suppressed at all the choices.
“So how have you been Deano?” The man asked, making the both of us glance up at him.
“Oh you know living the dream.” Dean says grabbing four different slices and walking to the counter.
He pulled me behind him but I didn’t mind. I know most girls hate being led around. But I found it comforting. I felt safe with Dean’s hand in mine. Him something solided to hold onto. I look at him when he says my name.
“Go get us something to drink and whatever else you want.”
I nod and turn to walk towards the back of the store. I have no idea what Dean likes so I just grab a couple different things.
He smiles at the arm full when I return. There were chips and candy on the counter. That added after I walked away.
“You two having a party?” The man asks just making chit chat as he rings us up.
“Movie night.” Dean says pulling cash from his wallet.
“Well you two have fun.” He says handing the two bags to Dean after he pays.
“You know we will.” He says smiling.
“Ready?” He asks looking down at me.
I smile nodding. Once again he takes my hand and leads me to the car. This time he lets me get in by myself. Him starting the car and heading back towards the bunker.
As we drive, the fall of rain drops start to bounce off the windshield. I take a deep breath, a smile painting on my face.
“You like the rain.” Dean states glancing at me.
I looked over at him, his face cascaded in the darkness. Only getting a glimpse of it when we drive under a streetlamp.
I don't know if he even saw it but it was the most I could do at the moment. Despite what happened hours ago I couldn’t make myself say anything else.
I wish I could tell him why I liked the rain. It washed the world clean of all the crap in it. Making everything clean, like new again.
Dean smiles at me, him driving through the rain with ease. It impressed me how smoothly he seemed to drive. His car is clearly in good shape.
It doesn't take long to get back to the bunker. I’m thankful for the garage when I don’t have to get wet to talk into the house.
Dean doesn't let me pack anything despite me reaching for the bags. He just leads me inside.
“We will have to go to my room to watch movies. Nothing is hooked up in your room yet, and trust me you don’t want to try and watch the TV in there.” He says chuckling, most likely remembering something funny.
“Are you okay with that?” He asks looking at me.
I smile and nod being fine with going into his room.
It wasn’t at all what I was expecting. Sure it was set up similar to my own but it was decorated. You could tell it was lived in.
I couldn’t help but look at the weapons on the walls. Different guns, knives and some other things that I had no idea what they were. Dean follows my line of sight and scratches the back of his head.
“Me and Sam were military brats. We like guns. Me more then Sam but yeah.” He says his ears tenting red.
I smile at him not really having a problem with them just wondering why he had so many.
He clears his throat and then walks over to the desk covered in random papers and books.
“We can watch something on my laptop if you want.” He says looking over at me.
I smile telling him that that’s fine with me.
“Awesome.” He says moving to sit on the bed.
He bends over unlaced his boots and kicks them off. It’s not until he is comfortable leaning back on the head board does he look up at me.
“You gonna come lay down or what?” He asks, making my cheeks heat up.
Blushing I take the few steps to reach the bed then do the same as him. Kicking off my shoes I climb in the bed next to him. He holds the blanket up for me until I’m settled then lays it over my legs.
“Alright what do you want to watch?” He asks as he opens Netflix.
I shrug not caring what we watch.
Dean nods scrolling through the different movies and shows he surprises me by putting on the Scooby Doo movie.
“Is this okay? I figured we could watch something we didn’t have to think too hard about.” He says laughing softly.
I nod and smile at him. It is perfectly okay with me.
“Awesome.” He says smiling.
He turned to the left side of him digging through the bags from the gas station. He sets random stuff on his lap, a grin spreading across his face as he pulls out one of the pie slices.
I smile at the grin on his face. It's nice to see people happy. Expeaclay over something as simple as a peice of pie.
“Take whatever you want sweetheart.” He says as he starts eating the slice of apple pie.
I don’t bother reaching for anything not hungry at all. I just watch the movie content with that.
“Here eat something.” He says handing me the cherry one and a plastic fork.
I smiled at him, doing as he asked. I didn’t want to be rude and I knew it had been a long time since I ate. I also didn’t even eat that much when I did. Two bites of a burger wasn’t much food. I knew I should eat more but I just didn’t feel hungry. Ever. My stomach has been shrinking over the past few months I guess.
I take two bites of it and set it down on my lap. Not feeling the need or want for anymore. Dean looks over at me at the little food I ate.
“You don’t like to eat huh?”
I shrug not having any answer.
“You're not used to eating are you?”
I shake my head. Harry only let me eat every couple of days.
“Well you can eat whenever you want you know that right?”
I nod and smile, knowing that.
Smiling, he lifts his hand gently tucking my hair behind my ear.
“I wish you would eat more.” He says making me frown.
I didn’t like disappointing him.
“It’s okay Sophia I’m not mad at you. I get why you don’t eat. I just wish I could get you to eat more.” He says as if he was disappointed in himself.
A sigh leaves my mouth as I look down at the pie. I could eat it. I just didn’t have the want or drive to eat it. Like I didn’t have the energy to eat it.
“Maybe I could bribe you into eating.” He says chuckling to himself.
I looked up at him with a curious smile on my face.
“Oh you like that idea?” He asks, earning a nod.
“Okay sweetheart I’ll think of something.” He says smiling.
I smile back not wanting to wait for his idea. Picking up the pie I take another bite then start watching the movie.
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taliel-strykidz · 4 years
Text
Alternative Ending Pt 1
The internet over the three months she'd been in an induced coma was full of love and support. Everyone had either been praying online or had actually visited the hospital personally for her to fight through this. Flowers and plushies were lined up across the hospital wards not only for Huannie but for the nurses and doctors that were working 24/7 to aide her recovery. But one person hadn't left the hospital since she arrived, he hadn't left for even 10 minutes scared that even in that short period of time he would miss something important. He'd even called her relations in China who'd rushed out the secobd they got the call.
Later on in the third month given that her extensive injuries had healed up the younger NCT boys were given access to visit her. Only Jaemin and Chenle managed to make it further than the reception, the others couldn't bring themselves to go in. But all of those closest to Huannie couldn't have been more prouder of the fans, the fan wars had come to a halt and the fandoms had come together to pray.
"She's okay Jaemin-ah." Jinyoung's voice spoke up softly for the first time in weeks, he'd usually just sit quietly reading a book in his designated chair whilst people visited, usually keeping to himself. "You can come closer you know."
He'd hesitated initially but moved to her un occupied left had, he'd reavhed his other to touch her cheek, shivering at how cold she was to the touch. "Hyung, she doesn't like being cold- can we get her another blanket. She doesn't like-"
"We have her uder six blankets Jaem, she's alot warmer than she was a couple of weeks ago." Jinyoung, after three weeks of sitting on his chair got up to wrap his arms around Jaemin trying to compose himself, recently he'd been crying everyday. The two boys began mindlessly talking until Jinyoung suggested talking to her, he explained how the doctors told him that there was a possibility that she could hear him. He even offered to leave the room so he could talk to her.
And that's exactly what he did.
"Yah, Noona. I miss you. I miss how you smile when I forget the choreography or when we tell you that you're pretty and you blush like a high school girl. I miss your singing when you cook. It doesn't feel the same anymore Noona, but when you wake up i'm going to do all those things all the time until you get sick of it because I took you for granted when I saw you everyday.  Keep fighting for us Huan, and shall we see eachother again okay?"
Jinyoung was left in the quiet room once again and sat in the seat that was solely his, grasping her hands.
"How much longer are you going to lay there and make me beg you to come back to me? I will wait for you until the day both of our breaths stop. But I can't keep lying to our friends- Our family. JYP visited you the other day jagiya, he comes in with flowers everyday. You have to wake up Ai-Huan. You can't leave everyone behind." In his mind he knew no one could hear him.
"Where's my queen gone? It's been three months now, you have my heart in there with you. You've taken the industry's smiles. Jaemin came to visit, why couldn't you wake up to smother him like usual. Why havent you woke up Huan?"
He broke down after the room was just filled with the desolate silence he'd been surrounded in for months.
"I know you can't hear me but Chenle wrote you a note for me to read. It says: I know I don't tell you much, but you're my person Noona. You're the big sister of all of us and... We all want our sister back. I want my person back Noona.." A tear slipped down Jinyoung's cheek as she lay still not moving.
Unbeknownst to Jinyoung at the time but Johnny and Jaehyun had persuaded Mark Lee to enter the room. Poor Mark Lee had been tearing himself inside and out ever since he left the hospital three months ago. As he walked into the room he played with a sunflower clip and placed it shakily in her hair. It was majorly crumpled from the weeks on end of it being in his pocket whilst he told himself to come visit.
"You know you told me that it was your favourite flower, because you said that sunflowers grow facing the sun but they have to go through alot of dirt before becoming such beautiful flowers. You also told me that if I ever feel sad to draw a sunflower and think of you. Well i've drew over three hundred sunflowers but why haven't they made me as happy as they used to?"
Mark was guided out of the room by Jaehyun who refused to look at his best friend. Taeyong ended up entering the room to force Jinyoung to go home and have a shower.
And he really was greatful he didn't leave that night, for he would have missed her last moments.
==
Jinyoung watched his wife in the bed, so deep in ten shades of pain that the nurses weren't sure she could be reachable. Where was the doctor when they needed him? He pressed the call button and paced the room, then pressed it again. The burse appeared, tired but still smiling like usual. She took one look at her VIP patient and paged the main doctor.
It had seemed that her heart was going under arrest and the doctors piled in one by one to start ressusation.  Jinyoung stood in the corner panicking, kowing that whatever Huannie was going through was tearing her apart but she didn't show it, the coma made sure of that. Instead he just stood and let the doctors do their job.
"Mr Park, i'm sorry- there's not really much we can do anymore." Were the words of Dr Lee. Thirteen words constructed of imple letters, spoke courteously through his soft Daegu accent, that cut through Jinyoung.
His eyes began to burn with an ache to sob as his stomach rocked back and forth on the harsh waves of grief. There was something in Dr Lee's sentence that had told him that Huannie had let go of the world. He watched as her chest weakly rose and fell. Then he knew. The anger he once felt was nothing but a sheild of grieving for the love that he missed.
Once again his emotions were too hard for him to control. He sobs out to those in reach, "please, please help her. Fix it, she doesn't deserve something so cruel."
They say your emotional pain seeps out into your words and it hurts to hear them, hurts to reply to them. The crash had taken the thing he held so dear. As his eyes skimmed the doctors faces his heart sank in his shoes. He'd tried being in denial about the outcome, yet reality settled in like a hurricane . But what could he have done different? He'd held out hope that she would wake up and their past fight would be nothing but a blip in their timeline.
"She's in there I know it. Please it's not hopeless just bring her back to us!" He sobbed holding Dr Lee's hand in his home in a desperate plea. "Please, she belongs here."
"I'm sorry Jinyoung."
--
"Hey hyung." Taeyong's voice came through the reciever and it tore Jinyoung's heart out of his chest. Taeyong was one of the people who took it one of the hardest, and here Jinyoung was about to give him the sentence that no one wanted to hear.
"Hyung, turn the speaker off." Jinyoung stated monotonelessly, the NCT leader did as he was told and left the group to recieve the news he'd been dreading.
"She's- She's.."
"She's what Jinyoung?"
"She's gone."
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Director’s Commentary- Forever//It’s You, y’know...THAT scene.
you already know :)
"Can I ask you something?" Keith whispered. Lance nodded, closing his eyes. "What made you change your mind about marriage? You'd said that after Allura-"
“I don’t know. There was just… this day when you kissed me three times in a row when you came home. And how they all felt like they meant something different. The fact that I knew that, that I could feel that. Okay I’m not gonna lie I’d rediscovered Paper Rings by Taylor Swift and that’s where this concept came from. Also because it reminded me that my abuelitos used to give each other double kisses when my abuelito came home, like it was their Thing. So I wanted to add that here, and I wanted it to be a small moment that made Lance go ‘you know what, yeah... I could do forever with him. I want to give him a ring.’ The way our routine works and it doesn’t feel boring, it just… feels like home.” He smiled and shrugged. “But I know we have that with or without a paper that says we’re married. What’s it matter?”
“I want to know what you’re thinking,” Keith said, pulling him back in with a slow spin so Lance’s back was pressed against his chest, their arms crossed together. “Because it isn’t just a paper is it?” KEITH ALREADY KNOWS THE ANSWER HEREEEEEE. Like. He’s known Lance’s thought processes for a long time by now. He just wants the build up like a dramatic ass little shit. 
Lance sighed. “No. It’s never been a piece of paper.” Keith rested his chin on Lance’s shoulder. “It’s a vow. It’s devotion. And I know the world doesn’t need to know, but there’s something beautiful about being able to profess all of it in front of friends and family. Especially us. Not only can a boy give another boy flowers- he can give him a ring.” I didn’t wanna perpetuate the idea that marriage is necessary for forever or that it’s the end goal. Couple can be and are happy without it. But I mean, they’re both romantics. Lance does have a relationship with the church that has been mending. So to me it made sense that marriage was on the table. I just had to be sure the reasoning made sense for them as individuals, and it wasn’t this broad ‘i just wanna get married because it means forever’ kind of thing. I also felt that the “not only can a boy give another boy flowers, he can give him a ring” line really tied it all together nicely considering the coming out scene, the repeated motif of flowers, and the final poem in the last chapter. Lance smiled and tilted his head toward Keith’s, squeezing his hands. “And I personally like the idea of telling God, ‘Look. I’m giving myself over to the person you placed in my life.’” The song ended, and melded into another. Lance shook his head and laughed softly. “We should go inside. We have work tomorrow.” Lance kissed his cheek and let go of his hands. At this point, Lance was getting sad again and he didn’t want to end his anniversary on a sour note. So he was like let’s just go inside and forget the whole thing. 
Before he could take more than five steps, he heard Keith say, “Does that mean you’ll say yes?”
LISTEN. I HAVE HAD THIS PLANNED. SINCE. LIKE. Idk, like since they first talked about marriage and had an argument. I acted this whole thing out. This has been up my sleeve for so long down to the “Does that mean you’ll say yes?” Though it is hard to put cross that sense of shock you get when you turn around and see someone down on one knee... so i did the best I could. 
“Wha- Oh my God. What are you doing?” The sight of Keith down on one knee, holding out a ring between his fingers, made Lance feel like ice water had been dunked on him. His stomach flipped and twisted, and his entire body suddenly felt unsteady as he stepped back towards him. “Keith, what are you- No, mi vida, you don’t need to do this! You said-”
“I know what I said. But it was all bullshit,” Keith said in a single breath, looking up at him with a desperate look in his eyes. “I’ve been wanting to give you a ring for a long time…. Because of everything you said and so much more.” I really wanted it to be clear that Keith wasn’t proposing out of guilt or this idea of like “i mean he wants marriage and I’m willing to give that to him.” I wanted it to be “I want marriage just as badly as he does.” 
Lance shook his head as tears blurred his vision. “Keith….”
“Lance-” Keith let out a shaky breath. “I thought I was one of those people who just had to live life without falling in love. I’d told myself I made peace with that. Wi-with never having someone stay. Never having the same person next to me in the morning. But you came into my life and you proved me wrong a-and you showed me… you showed me so many more parts of love I didn’t even know I’d be missing out on.” Tears began to fall down Keith’s cheeks, I just love crying Keith because that’s when you kow he’s being vulnerable yknow? and Lance fell to his knees in front of him, unable to believe this was real. “All my life, nothing was stable. I jumped around homes, and it took me so long to trust the family I have now and by then I had to make my own life. I got my heart broken enough that I never thought it would feel whole again. But it does. With you. You’re my stability. Heh. You see what I did there? You have been my constant. From the best days to the worst days, you stay and we figure it out and….” Keith’s free hand touched Lance’s cheek, wiping away the tears. “I want to give you forever. And I want to promise you forever in front of everyone we know. And I want Thanksgivings inside your mami’s house, and I want to think about a future where we can have kids, Anyone else remember when Keith straight up panicked at the concept of a family when Lance threw that comment at him lmfao and I want to see those rings on our fingers telling the rest of the world that we found our forever.” This paragraph managed to flow out of me because I’d just written pieces of Placebo Effect (Keith’s prequel) so I was still in the headspace of him being used and hurt and guarded and closed off. And seeing the change while I was writing this and how he is with Lance and Shiro now was so lovely to me and I felt that Keith would be aware of it too. That he’d gone from someone with nothing, with everyone leaving or unable to trust to someone who loved with his whole heart and had permanence and believed in good things again. And while not all of that stemmed from Lance directly, his relationship with Lance did have an effect on these other factors (ie his parents in Lovesick) 
“Oh my God. Oh my God,” Lance leaned into him, holding him tightly, letting his words wash over him. “Are you serious?”
“I am. I want to marry you. I want it all with you.” Keith pulled back and held out the ring in the palm of his hand. It was a thick silver band with a line of small diamonds around the middle. An infinity sign was engraved around two of the diamonds. I’m surprised that the most analytical readers didn’t pick up on what I dropped here, but no worries the dose from Keith’s pov will show. Also something I had planned WAYYYYY back. “Will you marry me, pretty boy?”
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lauras-collection · 5 years
Text
Too Shy
Tom Holland x Reader
Summary: You’ve fallen for your best friend and you don’t know if you should tell him
Warnings: alcohol consumption, angst? smoking (I don’t kow how to do these warnings so if there is anything in here you think I should mention, let me know)
A/N: Hi, this is my first time posting my writing on tumblr, so bear with me haha. The inspiration for this story was the song 2Shy by Shura and there is going to be a second part to this I just haven’t really figured it out yet :D But for now ENJOY! (Feedback is greatly appreciated)
You were shy. No, that’s not right. You were too shy. Your palms were sweaty just thinking about talking to strangers. And when it came to admitting feelings it was worse. It took you long enough to even realise that you had fallen for your best friend. Talk about being cliche. Telling him was completely out of question. You couldn’t. It wasn’t really that you were afraid of his reaction...Okay, you were terrified. But you felt like Tom would be cool about it. He wouldn’t laugh at you. Maybe he would say that he’s flattered. But about one thing you were sure. He wasn’t feeling the same way. Of course, you had gotten your hopes up a few times, when he moved a strand of hair out of your face or looked at you just a little bit too long. But he deserved so much better than someone who couldn’t even talk about their feelings with him. The thing is, you’ve known each other for four years and neither of you ever really had a serious relationship during that time, but you knew of a previous girlfriend he had and let’s just say... he’s way out of your league. 
You noticed Tom sitting by the window looking out for you and sending you a wave when you noticed him. The plan was to get some drinks and then go to the cinema to watch a film, you weren’t really sure which film you wanted to see but it was a tradition to go see a movie together once a month (when he wasn’t away filming) and since October was coming to an end soon you both decided today would be the day. 
“Hey.” You smiled softly and sat down across from Tom. While a lot of people would greet their best friend with a hug or some sort of affectionate gesture, you couldn’t bring yourself to do so in a public place like this. Especially since you realised your feelings for Tom were not just platonic, you decided it would be better if you kept your distance, at least physically, as much as possible. You didn’t know if Tom noticed the change in your behaviour but you figured he didn’t because he was still the same old, acting as nothing had changed. Because for him it didn’t. 
“Hi Y/N, how is my favourite non-smoker?” His smile was kind but a little bit teasing. He didn’t believe you when you told him a few weeks ago that you wanted to stop smoking. Well, he believed you that you wanted to but he didn’t think you’d go through with it.
“I think the proper term would be ex-smoker, and I’m doing fine. Haven’t even had the urge to smoke today.” Okay, that might have been a bit of a lie. You had thought about it once today and that was when you were getting ready for tonight, thinking about how you’re going to survive an evening close to Tom. But you couldn’t tell him that. So you just tried to send him a convincing smile.
“I’m so proud of you for that, y’know?” His smile was dazzling and you couldn’t help but return it.
“Thanks, Tom. What’ve you been up to today? Did you go to that audition you talked about?” Ever since you’ve known Tom he’d been an actor. He had been in the process of auditioning for Spider-Man when you met and you couldn’t be more excited for him. And to be honest it was pretty cool to be friends with an A-List celebrity. Of course, it wasn’t always easy, especially when a crowd of fans recognised him and you were struggling to get away from all the people, but when you eventually did and watched him interact with his fans it made you proud. He was always nice to them unless they gave him a reason not to be and when he was finally finished and joined you again he was apologetic, but you always told him it was fine because it was. 
“I did. It went okay, but I’m not sure I’m the right one for the role...” he shrugged his shoulders and took a sip from the pint of beer in front of him, reminding you that you should order something for yourself. 
“Really? Why’s that?” 
“I dunno... it’s just... I’ve never really done romance ya know? I’m not sure I’m cut out for that.” He shrugged again moving his head to look out the window.
“Tom, you’re one of the most talented actors out there. You’re cut out for anything.” You chuckle as he drops his head, a blush on his cheeks. “Plus, you’ve definitely got the looks.” Your eyes go wide as you realised what you’ve just said. Never have you ever commented on how handsome Tom was. You hoped he didn’t notice, but the way he looked at you with a smirk on his face told you otherwise. 
“You think?” There was a glint in his eyes and you felt your face heat up.
“Uhh... I’m gonna get something to drink.” You managed to get out while clumsily getting up from your chair. Tom just chuckled, knowing you were probably mortified right now.
Waiting at the bar you let the last minutes replay in your head. Had you really just said that? Yes, you had. But, you told yourself, it wasn’t a big deal. He knew he was attractive, all you did was boost his ego. Just because you said that doesn’t mean he now knows you have feelings for him. Though the way he looked at you was different.  And that smirk? If you were being honest with yourself, it gave you a little bit of hope. You just told him he is handsome of course he’ll smirk, he’s a little shit and you know it. Everything was fine. Chances are he didn’t think anything of it. Still, you ordered a shot with your cider, because maybe -just maybe- you wanted him to know. And for you to ever tell him, you needed a bit of liquid courage. Within seconds you had the perfect plan: get a little buzzed, go watch a movie with Tom and then tell him how you feel. Great plan right? No. You couldn’t just tell him you’re in love with him. No way. Or maybe you should?
You down the shot in one and take the cider to the table at the window where Tom was waiting for you with a questioning look.
“Did you just down a shot without me?” He was laughing but it was evident that he was starting to worry.
“Maybe?” It was more of a question than an answer. You stared at the glass in front of you running your thumb over the logo.
“What’s wrong?” Tom asked softly and you could feel the corners of your mouth moving downwards on their own accord. “I know something’s up, so don’t tell me you’re fine.” 
“It’s nothing, really.” You couldn’t tell him. A voice in your head kept telling you that you needed to just take the leap and tell him because otherwise, you’ll always wonder what if. But you know what you have now and you don’t want to lose that. You’d rather have him in your life as a friend than not at all.
“C’mon Y/N. We both know that’s not true.” You looked at him and his eyes stared into yours and you swore everything around you disappeared. Your mind ran a hundred miles an hour. Was there anything that freaked you out just remotely as much as your feelings for Tom did?
“You know how I get when Christmas rolls around. With all the presents and stuff.” Tom looked at you quizzically. It was not even November. Not good enough. “And I’ve got this really important paper for uni that’s been stressing me out...” That’s more like it. Tom nodded, knowing how important doing well in uni was for you. 
“Whatever it is you’ll do amazing.” He reaches his hand out and squeezes yours, the sudden touch making butterflies erupt in your stomach.
You chose to watch a drama this time. You had gone for a comedy last month and it had been filled with stupid jokes that neither of you found funny and you hoped for something with more substance this time around. The two of you were sitting towards the back, a bag of popcorn between you. Tom insisted to get the biggest one available, his treat. Halfway through the movie, you stopped reaching inside. You didn’t feel like popcorn anymore, it was just too much, too sweet and your hand brushed Tom’s too often. A couple of minutes later Tom nudged your elbow with his, silently asking if you still wanted popcorn. When you shook your head he took the bag and moved it to the empty seat beside him, leaving a big gap between the two of you. The armrest had been pulled up so the popcorn could fit between you, but now that the bag was gone you wanted to scoot closer to Tom and lay your head on his shoulder. His arm would hug you into his body and you would be so happy. But you didn’t. You were too shy.
You were so consumed with the thought of Tom being so close and whether or not you should make a move that you couldn’t focus on the movie. So when it ended, and Tom asked you what you thought of it, you shrugged your shoulders and said it was alright. 
“Alright? It was amazing! Did you watch a different film in there?” He chuckled but you just shrugged your shoulders again.
“I’m gonna go to the toilet real quick, I’ll be right back.” You needed a few moments alone, away from him. The longer you spend time with him the closer you wanted to be and every time he smiled you felt like you were falling harder. You needed to do something. You needed to tell him. Now or never.
During your walk back to the lobby of the cinema you kept encouraging yourself. This was the right thing to do. Be confident for once in your life and tell him how you feel. Your steps had gotten quicker the closer you got to the lobby and you were pretty sure the only way to tell him without you backing out was going up to him as quickly as possible and just blurt it out. 
But you stopped in your tracks when you entered the lobby and saw Tom animatedly talking with a young woman. She was about your age and gorgeous. Tom’s hands were moving in the air and just by looking at him you could tell that he was talking about the film. With slow steps, you walked towards them, not daring to look at the woman your eyes fixed on the carpeted floor until you were standing right beside Tom. 
“Hi.” The girl said with a big smile and you had to force yourself to return the smile. 
“Y/N this is Cas, we met at the audition today. Cas this is my friend Y/N.” Even though both of you hadn’t been in a relationship since becoming friends you had made up a rule that whenever either of you was interested in someone you would introduce the other as your friend, thinking that it might scare off some people to say that you were best friends. It was stupid really, but it was also a type of secret message between Tom and you. So, Tom now saying that you were his friend meant that he was interested in Cas. You could only thank the universe, or whatever was out there, that she showed up when she did because otherwise, you would’ve told Tom that you’re in love with him just to be turned down.
“Okay, uhh... I think I’m gonna go home now.” Your flat wasn’t far from here and you could easily walk. Even though Tom had offered to drive you home earlier, you were sure he wanted to spend some time alone with Cas. 
“You want me to give you a lift?” Tom could tell you were uncomfortable with the situation and he really didn’t want you to walk home this late.
“No it’s fine, it’s only a five-minute walk. You two have fun.” Tom wanted to hug you but you moved away too quickly, desperate to get out of the cinema. 
“Okay, I’ll call you later.” Tom called behind you and you just raised a hand to show that you heard him. 
To say that you were distressed was an understatement. You had finally picked up the courage to tell him how you feel and just before you could Cas shows up. But you’re thankful, too. This probably spared you a lot of pain. You couldn’t think about that now though, because you were in pain regardless. Your fingers played with a long-forgotten cigarette in your coat pocket. You knew you shouldn’t light it because you haven’t smoked one in weeks. But the cigarette was between your lips before you could think about it and out of habit, it was lit up a few seconds later. You failed. A few weeks of not smoking for nothing. Just because your best friend was interested in a girl that wasn’t you. You let out a humourless laugh just to keep the tears at bay. I will not cry about this.
Part 2
A/N: I’d love to hear your feedback! :)
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That's some old family photos. I am still not knowing what sort this blog will get, but I think it's some of these diary blogs.
Like: Omg guys and gentlemen you wouldn't believe what happened today at the supermarket!!
And then I tell you a story about the universe...
But also I like the Idea that I can write all my thoughts, especially the autism ones, down and get my head free, what is very relaxing and after i wrote them down, I let them fly away in the deepsea of electromagnetic waves, like a letter in a bottle throwed in the deepsea of mostly Water, which means a sea like the pacific, who is also full of waves and I'm pretty sure that there are not only water based waves, but also electromagnetic waves, what's like two apples from different sorts. They are different sorts of waves, in this universe, you have to know! Like electromagnetic and mechanical waves. So all of them periodical distributions, ,,periodisch wiederkehrende Störungen/Signale" in german. But don't nail me on this, it's just a memory of a old physic book, I read time ago. So jeah... Give me a minute to think about what I am want to write down, bevor I want to write about waves.
So this blog is like a bootle in ocean and if you find them feel free to enjoy and share it but when not, then this text isn't useful for you, because you can't read the informations in it... That's a smart sentence, I know, but you have to know that I'm smart too and I'm not even arrogant, since I am perfect.😋
Okey a short story to the photos on the top. In one of them you see my mother, but surprise... She smiles. It's literally the only photo or moment i can remember, that she smiles. Not this short laughs or the ,,you just don't know what I know-smile" and Chantal knows exactly what I mean, but just smiling in the moment and that are the best smiles in the universe, because they happen in real-time, what means they are honest and magical. I know I describe many things whit magical, but this don't mean that I think they are magic, but they feel like magic and if you don't what magic feels like, you have a sad sad life. And even that you know what magic is? Physic is magic ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ jeah emojis!! Emojies are cool too, just like physic.
So, you kow what are the fundamental forces in this universe? I mean sorry, yes of course you know it because they are just four. And some other phyisc things are important too and all in one you get magic. Things working together, without a logical reason to exist. Universe i know... Just a big space for 🚀🌌 or a magical ✨ mysterious thought of yourself 💜??
This and maybe other themes or nothing of them, you can read in my next posts.
So jeah, bottle in a ocean... This hit exactly when the bottle have a abo button 🔘 so you can find her again in the universe. Even of that fell free to use this posts for you self. I often see parts in the personality of other people that I like a lot and then i just put them in my own personae. A activity that many autistic people do, I learn from a other post of another person in the universe. Does nobody care that we are in a universe? I mean I know that people care about them and honestly I have to say that this was an rhetorical question and I'm feel sorry for telling it. I know that they are the worst questions of all, because now you think about it and try to collect informations out of you brain 🧠 to answer it and then you getting angry about that I don't want a answere, because I already have one. I know really disrespectful behavior but what should I say, I also make some fails, that can hurt other peoples. When this were not my own personal blog, then first i wouldn't write this post and second when I would, I would say something like ,,I try not to tell rhetorical questions anymore" but it is my own blog, so if you don't can handle these questions then I feel sorry and I understand you, but I write what I want to write, what is the most important rule of this blog, but i really understand you if you say that these questions can hurt. I mean why are people asking something like that. When you want to tell me something and don't know how to start a conversation then just tell me what you want to tell me and then i can answer (or not because it's my decision and only because you want to talk to me, doesn't means I want talk to you) but don't confuse me with a completely nonsense questions, look strange to me because I take you as serious person and want to show that I respect and like you enough to think about the question in you head and try to help you with an answer and after this don't get annoyed, because of that I answered your, it was you question and you are the one who make the decision, to convert electric and chemical signals into waves who waves through the universe and get converted back to signals from another things that are made of materia who is made out of energy who is another word for speed and that are only exist because they spin faster than lightspeed and don't let the time catch them, because time can only travel with the speed of light and when you are faster than this you can exist but you have to be faster in both directions and heres where the anti particles came in, who are just the same particles, running back in time, but in his own word he runs forward in time of course. So time and room doesn't touch each other really, they existing next to each other because they are and jeah here you need to see how time shows out (at least in my brain 🧠) to understand where I want to go with you but it's a long and comlex thought and it's not even finish and in some of his parts are paradoxical and other doesn't make sense at all or they are just to ,,early-thougth-magical" , what means that they are just a few times, waves (periodical informations), or what ever you count the age of you thoughts (I take both of them, waves for the more intensive ,,core thoughts" -how i call them-, and the other for the more electron like thoughts who are more outside and better for the use of connections with other thoughts -in this case though means people _ I have to rename them into thoughts that the theory is working, hope this doesn't confuse you❤️_ - ), old and you can not see them at all and have to wait until they are older and you can understand them better.
I like tumblr ways more than instagram because here I have the feeling that the text don't get discriminated and the pictures are free to show her own scale and don't have to be square. I think I delete instagram because its very racist to the pictures and don't say there is no way to be a racist to a picture, that only shows that you don't see pictures like I. But on the other hand its a cool way to store some of my good pictures and jeah I think I take it as an folder for pictures but sorry instagram I'm with tumblr now and you know what?!! He kisses ways better than you!!!😂🌌
Just a short autism joke.
You know why I like the word ,,autism" so much? I mean the german ,, Autismus" sound s beautiful at own but in english you get this ,,sm" at the end and speak the ,,au" more like ,,ou" and this is definitely one of the best word-waves who exist, at least at my opinion, feel free to think different, I mean we are not on squarestagram...
So I write a lot today and of course I can write the whole day but my fingers hurt and I'm getting hungry 🥺 so i say goodbye and Auf Wiedersehen.
Bye 👋😎
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sherlockmormorrp · 4 years
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Had the most amazing rp
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say STAND WITH HONG KONG AGAINST THE CCP!
You both like johnlock.
Stranger: [Cam! Boy Sherlock, y/c is a regular viewer. They've started DMing, and y/c requests special things for extra money. 19.] Hey, love. Haven't heard from you in a while... SH
You: Hey, sorry. Money has been kinda tight. I've missed seeing you. JW (25)
Stranger: Yeah? Everything okay, hun? SH
Stranger: I've missed you, too. SH
You: It's a long story. I didn't want to bother you. I know you've got other customers, your time is important. JW
Stranger: It is, but I've always got time for you x SH
You: I'm sure you say that to all your regulars. JW
Stranger: I do, but I mean it with you. SH You've been a regular for a year now. Can't say I haven't got a bit of a fondness for you. SH
You: Don't get my hopes up like that. I've already fallen for you. JW
Stranger: Aren't you sweet? SH I'm sure you can do far better than some boy in a shoddy flat in London. SH
You: Not really, well I've never been with any boys. JW Not..really out yet. I started looking at gay porn as I got curious and that how I found you. JW
Stranger: Really? SH With the things you've asked me to do, I figured you were a bit of a pro... SH
You: Just curious I suppose. And a bit imaginative. JW I like you. It's more real than porn, porn seems fake. But you're real. JW
Stranger: I'm definitely real. SH [...] I do hope Ive never hurt your feelings, knowing you're not my only client.. SH
You: I'm not a fool. I know this is a business. JW It's your job to make sad blokes like me feel special. JW
Stranger: You're not sad. SH Believe me, some of my clients are far, far worse. SH
You: Glad I'm not the worst. JW I'm sorry I can't send you anything. I won't be upset if you take me off your viewing list. JW
Stranger: I'm not taking you off my viewing list, John. SH Hard times are hard times. SH [Long delay, image attached of Sherlock sucking on a dildo] Here. To lift your spirits. No charge <3 SH
You: Christ, Sherlock, you're giving me a boner at work..JW You sure know how to cheer me up. You're too sweet. JW
Stranger: Figured you could use a pick me up. SH And eh, it's supposed to be Will when I'm working ;) SH
You: Oh, yeah-sorry. Will. JW I've always like your..real name better, can't help myself. JW
Stranger: I like it when you call me Sherlock. SH You're the only one that knows my real name. SH
You: Really? JW
Stranger: Yeah, really. SH
You: What'd I do to get the honor? JW
Stranger: [....] Made me feel special. SH That's supposed to be my job. SH
You: You are special. JW I'd make you feel special anytime, free of charge. JW
Stranger: Sap. SH .... Thank you, John. SH
You: Do you..ever ask for pictures of your clients? JW
You: Or do you prefer them to be names on screens? JW
Stranger: I've never asked for a picture before. SH But, I wouldn't mind seeing the man behind the mask, ha. SH
You: I just thought it'd be fair, I've seen so much of you. JW [Image attached; a selfie of John. A warm smile, dusty blonde hair and a maroon jumper]
Stranger: Oh, look at you! SH You're so cute! SH
You: Ha, thanks..I'm not too good at the whole selfie thing..JW
Stranger: You look great, John. SH Honestly, I was a bit afraid you were some 60 year old old man. SH
You: Oh, I'm sure you have 60-year-old customers, probably got a lot more money to spend than I do. JW I'm only 25, by the way. JW
Stranger: Oh, thank god. SH I'm sure I do, but they get to call me Will, and you get to call me Sherlock. There's a difference. SH
You: Well, you certainly make me feel special..JW
Stranger: You are, genuinely. SH You shouldn't be. It's bad for my work, you kow. SH But you are. SH
You: Oh? I'm bad for business, how so? JW
Stranger: Because I think about you far more often than I should. SH Was genuinely worried about you. SH
You: You're really the only person who'd notice if I went missing...JW
Stranger: Oh, come on, I'm sure that's not true. SH
You: No, it is. JW I haven't got anyone, my work would probably notice for a bit but would find someone to replace me rather quick. JW
Stranger: What about your family? SH
You: Only got my sister left, she'd be too drunk to notice. JW
You: Sorry, I'm only proving that I'm just another sad bloke. JW You're a cam model, not my therapist. I shouldn't be bothering you. JW
Stranger: I really don't mind. SH
Stranger: [....] I'd like to think you can talk to me, even when I'm not Will. SH
You: You're a lot more than Will to me. JW That's what scares me. JW
Stranger: I am? SH
You: Yes. JW
Stranger: [....] You're sweet, John. So sweet. sH
You: Not sweet, just a sappy fool. JW
Stranger: I think it's sweet. SH You're more than just a client to me. SH
You: What am I then? JW
Stranger: [....] Special. SH
Stranger: A friend, maybe. SH
You: I'd be honored to be considered your friend. JW
Stranger: Yeah? SH
You: Yeah. JW
Stranger: Thank you, John. SH
You: Of course. Sherlock. JW Thank you for talking to me, you made my day better, even without the photo. JW
Stranger: I'm glad. SH I really enjoy talking to you. SH
You: Me too. JW Do you do anything beside caming? JW
Stranger: I do. SH I play violin. I try to do uni, though caming doesn't pull in enough money for me to really succeed with that. SH
You: Violin? That's a beautiful instrument. I'd love to hear you play. JW I understand that I've been trying to work enough for Uni but it's never enough. Might go into the army, actually. Seems to be the only way I'll get medical training. JW
Stranger: Think you could handle the stress of the army? I know I couldn't. sH
You: Yeah, had a pretty strict father. I'm used to being yelled at. I'd like to have the training too. JW
Stranger: I suppose... SH I'd definitely miss you. SH
You: Well after Bootcamp I'd get my phone again. Only be unavailable if they deploy me. I'd send you letters, if you really wanted to hear from me. JW
Stranger: Yeah? SH I'd like that. SH
You: I'd like to have someone waiting for me..JW I'm still thinking it over, but with the way finances are looking. It might be my only option, unfortunately. JW I'd miss seeing you. JW
Stranger: I could send you pictures. Give you something to look forward to, hm? SH
You: I'd love that. Couldn't be anything..explicit. They check your mail as a soldier. But honestly, you're so handsome I'd just like to have a photo of your face. JW
Stranger: You're so sweet. SH
You: I mean it. You're gorgeous Sherlock. Your curls are probably my favorite thing about you..JW
Stranger: Yeah? SH [...] I've thought about you, sometimes. SH During my shows. SH
You: Thought about me how..? JW
Stranger: I think you can imagine. SH Even without me knowing what you look like. SH
Stranger: It's quite distracting. SH
You: I want to know. What exactly you were thinking. JW Were you thinking about me when you ride your dildo? JW
Stranger: God, yes. SH The vibrator, too. The purple one. It's bigger, I've always imagined... that it was you. SH
You: I'd love to do /everything/ to you, Sherlock. JW
Stranger: Yeah? SH I'd let you. SH Everything you've asked me to do. SH
You: Your arse is perfect, and the way you moan. I'd stop at nothing to hear you moan my name. JW
Stranger: Yeah? SH You should come by. SH
You: You mean it..?JW
Stranger: I do. SH If you want to, I mean. SH
You: I do, of course I do. JW I just..didn't think it was allowed. JW
Stranger: I shouldn't. sH But... I do a lot of things I shouldn't. SH Maybe... if you like it, we could even do it a second time, on camera. SH
You: On camera? Oh wow. Maybe..JW I can come by after work? JW
Stranger: Perfect. SH {address attached] I'm here. SH
You: Wow, I'm pretty sure I've had a dream about this..JW Is that lame, of me to say? JW
Stranger: Not to me. SH
You: Good, because I'm sure I'm only going to get lamer from here..JW
Stranger: You're sappy. It's cute. SH
You: Glad you think so. JW I should be getting off around 2, I'll stop by my flat and shower. Should be around maybe 4 or so, is that okay? JW
Stranger: That's perfect, yeah. SH I can order takeaway, if you want. SH
You: Sure. JW I can always eat. JW
Stranger: Perfect. SH
You: I'll see you at 4. xx JW John's heart was beating out of his chest. When Sherlock said he was special a part of him never really believed him. It was Sherlock's job to say things like that. To give blocks the illusion that he was into them, he was fairly certain though that Sherlock didn't invite clients over. He was special, he couldn't believe this was really happening. He hurried home, showered, shaved and put on after shave before he stopped by the corner store and got Sherlock flowers. He knew it was probably a bit much but hey Sherlock knew he was a sappy idiot and seemed to like it. On my way. JW John hopped into a cab and tried to keep his breathing even as he finally came to terms that he was about to meet Sherlock. The gorgeous boy he'd be watching and fantasizing about for a year.
You: (heres my email incase omegele acts up and disconnects : [email protected])
Stranger: Sherlock couldn't believe he'd just done that. He invited over a client! And sure, John was more than a client to him, but who was to say the man wasn't lying about the photo he'd sent? What if he was actually that 60 year old Sherlock had been afraid of? Still, it was too late now, he'd given him his address and he was on his way and oh /god/. Sherlock placed the takeaway containers down on the table, not even sure if John would like it, and began to pace, closing the door to his bedroom, which had quickly become his filming space. He had his toys laid out to make camming easier, and he had purple fairy lights that helped to make his scenery interesting, and he really wasn't sure he wanted John to see that. When he heard his door bell ring, he swallowed, moving to let the blonde in.
You: John's heart hadn't stopped thumping since he had read Sherlock's text inviting him over. He took a deep breath to steady himself before he rang the door bell. His heart skipped a beat when Sherlock opened the door. It was him-it was really Sherlock. He swallowed-his mouth suddenly dry. "You're..even more gorgeous in person..' he muttered. He blushed as he realized he must look like a big idiot, blushing and gocking over Sherlock with flowers in his hand.
Stranger: Oh, thank god, it was the same man from the photos. He was attractive, and sweet, and... "Oh, are those flowers? John, you really didn't have to." He insisted, ushering the man inside and taking the bouquet from him. "You're so sweet." No one had ever bought him flowers before, not ever. He really didn't know what it was like to be fully wooed and dated. If this is what it was like, it was nice. "I got us Chinese, I hope you don't mind. I didn't know what you liked, and I figured it'd be a bit awkward to just text you and be like hey, what do you want to eat, you know? So I just got chinese, and I hope you're not like a vegetarian or anything, but if you are that's totally fine, I'll just order something else, and-" And he was absolutely rambling. So badly. He forced himself to shut up as he took the bouquet and disappeared into his tiny kitchen, filling a vase with water and putting them in it. "Thank you."
You: John smiled as he heard Sherlock rambling-it was down right adorable really. And sort of a relief that he wasn't the only one nervous. In Sherlock's videos he was so confident and in control. This was welcoming- to realize Sherlock was just as nervous as he was. He found it a bit funny that Sherlock was worried about texting him and asking what he'd like to eat but was confident to do all sorts of things on camera, he supposed Sherlock and Will were really different. When Sherlock came back in he smiled, "Chinese is perfect. I'll literally eat anything so don't worry." he assured him. "I'm glad you like the flowers, I know it's a bit cheesy..but you had to expect I'd do something sappy." he joked.
Stranger: Sherlock and Will were more than just a little different. Will was confident and sexy and would do anything for a tenner, but Sherlock... well, he was shy, and he'd never had a boyfriend, never even really gone on a date. He was inexperienced with the romantic side of things, and he was awkward, and not nearly as graceful as he was when it was just about the sex. It was why he'd approached John with sex first, instead of just asking him for a date. At least John had gotten the message, though, right? He offered a smile as he took a seat on the sofa, motioning for him to sit down next to him. "I knew you would, but they're still super sweet. I love them."
You: John joined him on the couch looking around the flat briefly before he focused his attention back on the beautiful brunet in front of him. He couldn't help the idiotic smile plastered across his face as he stared at Sherlock. "Sorry-I'm just still in shock that I'm here..that you're here. " he admitted. They had spent so long talking and to finally be sitting in front of Sherlock was amazing. He wasn't entirely sure what to do or how to go about this, he was just glad to be here. He leaned against the sofa, "Smells good, what'd you get?" he asked.
Stranger: Sherlock blushed at the way John was smiling at him, shaking his head as he opened up the takeout containers. "Chicken, some rice. Some beef, too, since I didn't know what you'd prefer." He admitted with a sheepish grin, rubbing nervously at the back of his neck as he handed over some chopsticks to John. "Eat, eat. I've never really... done this before, but I figured dinner was a good start, right?" He offered, looking over at the older blonde. He was more attractive than his photo had made him look, honestly.
You: John nodded, "It's okay, I haven't done this before either." he assured him, not really sure what to classify this as. He gave Sherlock a small smile before he began eating. "I..guess I am special then. I..didn't really think you meant it.." he admitted, "I-I just figured you say that to everyone..." he blushed softly. "I wanted to believe it but..didn't want to get my hopes up."
Stranger: Sherlock offered a small smile, reaching over and placing his hand on John's thigh. He was nice, sweet, just like in his messages. It was really, really nice. "I told you, you're the only one that knows I'm Sherlock, not Will. You're the only one I"ve ever asked for a photo from. You're special, John." He insisted, blushing a dark red. He didn't open up like this, it felt foreign and strange, and he didn't know what the hell to do with it.
You: John smiled when he saw the blush on Sherlock's face, it was adorable. "I'm glad.." he muttered. He ate a few bites of his food and looked around before he spotted Sherlock's violin case. "Oh, you know I'm going to want you to play something for me one day, right?" he asked, smiling. "Did you learn as a kid?" he asked. John wasn't really in a rush for sex, he liked talking with Sherlock, they enjoyed one another's company. At least they had over texts, but even now it wasn't too awkward.
Stranger: Sherlock felt like he was fucking this all up. John was expecting exciting and comfortable, confident Will, and that just wasn't him. Well, it was, but not all the time, and certainly not now. Still, John didn't seem put off by it, and Sherlock was starting to feel at least a little better about it. When John asked about his violin, he perked up, nodding quickly. "I started learning when I was five. It helps me to think, you know? Real relaxing." He smiled, looking over at his violin case. "My neighbors complain sometimes, because I'll play at like, 2 AM, when I can't sleep."
You: John chuckled, "They should appreciate it. It's just a violen..should be soothing. I mean it's not like you're playing the drums at 2 am." he joked. "It's a beautiful instrument really...I've heard it's not an easy one to learn either." he ate a few bites as he listened to Sherlock talk. The other had a rather nice speaking voice, his voice was deep and /very/ sexy. He offered Sherlock his to-go box. "Want some?" he offered
Stranger: Sherlock smiled, taking his own chopsticks and grabbing out a piece of chicken. "Thanks." He mumbled as he popped it into his mouth and chewed. It was definitely good chinese food. "I'm glad you find it relaxing, I guess your sentiment isn't shared by my neighbors. As for it being hard... I guess it can be. I dunno, I started learning so young, it's like second nature." He admitted with a shrug. "But you never did tell me about what you like to do, when you're not viewing my shows."
You: John chuckled a small blush crossing his face. "Uhh I don't know I'm pretty boring. I work at lot..taking a few classes-whatever I can afford really." he answered. "I managed to get a job at a clinch..I'm only a medical assistant so I'm not really doing anything important but I get to work with doctors and they show me things here and there." he answered."Oh-I box. I guess that's interesting.." he shrugged. "I box here and there..just to work out."
Stranger: "You box?" Sherlock turned to face John, taking his own to go container and eating as he listened to the blonde. "You never told me about that. Guess it explains your muscles, hm?" He winked, chuckling. "How long have you been doing that?"
You: John smiled when Sherlock complimented him, amazed the other found him attractive at all. He chuckled, "uh..since I was in high school. I played rugby. Some of the blokes invited me to the gym and I gave a go at the punching bag a few times. Had a knack for it and just kinda found my way into it. It's a good way to know how to protect yourself." he explained, not adding that he'd needed to learn how to properly block his fathers drunken swings.
Stranger: Sherlock nodded. He could tell there was something else there, with how John's gaze went far past him for a moment, but he decided not to comment on it. At least not for now. He didn't want to scare him off, after all. "That's great. Bet you're great at it." He smiled, and for once he felt himself actually relaxing around the blonde. Sure, he wasn't used to all of this, but John was /nice/. He really did make him feel special. "Maybe I'll come watch you box sometime."
You: John smiled and nodded, "Really? I'd like that." he placed his to-go container on the coffee table in front of him. "That was really good. Way better than the Chinese place I have near my flat." he smiled, satisfied and full without stuffing himself. John looked around, "Where's your loo?" he asked
Stranger: "Ah, down the hall. First door on your right." He said, motioning towards the hall that led to his bedroom. It was a tiny flat, it was, but it did him fine. It worked for his camming, and when he was able to do classes, it worked for studying, which was all he really needed.
You: John nodded and stood up, he needed a quick bathroom break. He washed his hands once he was done and stared at himself in the mirror, anxiously fixing his hair and trying to calm himself. He could do this, he'd fantasized about Sherlock for so long and now it was truly happening. He could not fuck this up. He came back out and smiled, "Thanks for dinner, Sherlock." he hummed
Stranger: Sherlock made himself anxious all over again when John disappeared inside of his bathroom. He was doing fine, this was fine, and if John wanted sex, he knew how to do that. He just hoped that the man would like whatever they did. He wanted things to be good between them. He stood when John came back into the living room, nodding quickly. "Yeah, of course. Sorry about the rambling and everything, I just get a bit nervous, sometimes." He admitted with a shrug. "You're not leaving already, are you?"
You: John shook his head, "Course not-not unless you're kicking me out." he joked. He came over and stood in front of Sherlock, taking the other's hand softly. "Don't be sorry. You're cute...and not the only one nervous." he assured him. "Honestly I nearly puked on the way over here." he admitted, cracking a smile as he did so.
Stranger: Sherlock couldn't help but chuckle at the idea of John being that nervous, shaking his head as he stepped just a little closer to John. "Well, I'm glad I'm not alone, but you don't need to be nervous. I'm not nearly as intimidating as I seem to be online." He teased, moving to press a kiss to the older man's cheek. He didn't want to push things too far and scare John off, but he had been telling the truth earlier, he'd been thinking of John for a long time.
You: John smiled at the kiss on his cheek, Sherlock was certiantly very different than the man he'd met online. Will said and did very dirty things with so much confidence that he commanded attention. He was in his element and it was intrancing. -But Sherlock. Sherlock was nervous and more than the act he put on for his show. John had convinced himself that Sherlock had said all those nice things because he had to, but he was quickly realizing that he was something to Sherlock and he never felt so important. He smiled, "Do you want to go grab drinks? I..know I'm a client and all..but I didn't come over just to have sex and leave." he explained. "I know..our meeting was based on your body and..sex but that's not the only thing you are to me. I hope you know that."
Stranger: Drinks. John wanted to get drinks. Maybe that would help Sherlock to not be so nervous, maybe it'd make the Will in him come out more. "I know, John. I do. You wouldn't have brought over flowers if all I was to you was sex." He teased, but there was sincerity there. John was so, so kind, he truly didn't know how to show him how much he appreciated the kindness. "I think drinks is a wonderful idea, though."
You: John smiled softly, he wasn't entirely sure what he was to Sherlock. He'd assured him that he was special but what did that mean? Did Sherlock want more than sex...? What was the brunette wanting out of all of this? John didn't dare ask, afraid of the answer. He nodded, smiling as Sherlock agreed to drinks, "Get your coat." he hummed.
Stranger: Sherlock didn't have an answer himself as to what he wanted from John. He hadn't been thinking when he'd invited him over, he'd just done it, and now... well, he had feelings for the blonde, that much he knew. Anything past that... it was all foreign to him. He hadn't dated since Victor, and that hadn't turned out well, he'd used drugs, and he was still recovering from that, but John was so kind, and nice, and he did want /something/ more than a professional relationship with him. At the direction, he nodded, going into his bedroom for a moment and coming out with his coat on, and shoes as well. "Alright. There's a pub not far from here, we can head there?" He offered, following John to his front door.
You: "Sounds good to me, lead the way." he smiled. As they walked John wanted to take Sherlock's hand. He had a lump in his throat just thinking about it. Usually, he was so forward, especially with women. He'd dated and slept with many women-nothing ever lasting very long but he was known as some kind of ladies man. Yet with Sherlock he felt..so nervous. Like he was a kid again. He finally got the courage to reach for Sherlock's hand. Mentally preparing himself for Sherlock to drop it just as quickly.
Stranger: Sherlock looked down when John took a hold of his hand, his cheeks burning as he smiled. That was... nice. He couldn't remember the last time someone had just held his hand, but it felt nice. John's hands were bigger than his own, and a bit rougher, but warm, and nice. He smiled up at John, keeping a hold of his hand as he led the way to the pub. Once they got there, he opened the door for the both of them, keeping a hold of his hand as they walked straight up to the bar. "What do you like to drink, then?"
You: John felt a wave of relief wash over him when Sherlock kept their hands linked together. This was a big step for him, holding another blokes hand in public. He'd slowly been coming to terms with his bisexuality and was proud to hold Sherlock's hand in public. He looked over everything before he shrugged and ordered a beer to start. "What's your drink of choice?" he asked
Stranger: He should have figured John was a beer guy. He turned towards the bar, looking over everything before he ordered himself a cocktail. Something fruity, with about six different kinds of alcohol. He had never been a beer fan. "Anything with vodka is typically what I go for." He laughed, looking down when he realized their hands were still linked together, between the bar stools.
You: John got out his card to pay for the first round of drinks, he turned to look at Sherlock, "You want to sit at the bar or grab a booth?" he asked, letting go of the others hand only to sign the receipt. He thanked the bar tender as he was handed their drinks and handed Sherlock his. "I usually start with a beer or two..then maybe get a jack n coke." he explained.
Stranger: "Booth would probably be better. Not as loud." Sherlock nodded, taking the cocktail from John's hand and looking around. "Jack and cokes are nice. I typically drink with the plan to get drunk, if I'm honest, so I'm used to things that work fast." He laughed, taking a hold of John's hand again and leading him towards a booth near the wall of the bar. It was quieter over here, and he did in fact want to hear what John had to say. "Not to say I plan on getting drunk or anything, I don't, I just mean like, in general, you know? I wouldn't come out with you just to get wasted, I swear." Oh, god, he was definitely rambling again. He shut himself up with a drink of his cocktail as they each took a seat, hoping that the alcohol would at least make him less nervous.
You: John smiled when Sherlock took his hand again and lead him to a booth with some privacy. He smiled as he heard Sherlock ramble again, he just smiled and slid in the booth beside him. "You're really cute, you know that." he smiled. He thought he was going to be the one fumbling to keep up with Sherlock. "I know what you meant" he assured him, giving him a playful wink. "I think the last time I got..truly drunk was probably 2 years ago." he chuckled, "I don't really drink often." he explained, with his father and sisters history he'd always sort of had a fear of becoming an alcholic.
Stranger: Sherlock nodded, glad that John understood, though his cheeks did burn a little when John called him cute. "That's sweet of you." He smiled, taking another drink of his cocktail before he forced himself to relax, leaning against John's side once they were both sat down. "I don't get drunk as often as I made it sound, but when I do get a chance to do classes, the few friends I have usually want to get cocktails after. It can be nice."
You: John smiled when Sherlock leaned against him. He brushed their knees together, "It's good to destress now and then. I'm taking Microbiology right now and..God that class definitely makes you want to have a few." he joked. He sipped his beer before setting it down. "When you do take classes, what are you going for?" he asked.
Stranger: Sherlock laughed at that, his hand moving to rest on the other man's thigh as he allowed himself to relax. This was nice, wasn't it? Being on a date, at a pub, just having /fun/. It was good. "Forensics, actually. I'd like to be a detective." He shrugged, tracing patterns onto John's jeans to distract himself. "They're interesting classes, even if I do already know most of the material."
You: "A detective? Wow...that does sound interesting. You're really bright." he smiled, he could tell Sherlock was relaxing a bit more and he was glad the other felt comfortable enough to be himself. "What kind of forensics..I know there are different kinds like financial forensics and stuff like that but when I think of forensics I think of homicides."
Stranger: Sherlock was quick to nod, trying to ignore the blush that just would /not/ go away. He wasn't used to compliments that didn't come through a screen, and it was hard, to accept them. "Homicides is exactly it, yeah. Well, that's what I want to do, anyway. They're fascinating. Not like. Not like I think the killers are fascinating, though I kind of do, with wanting to know why they did it and all, and how, but I'm not like. Obsessed." He took another drink to silence himself, shaking his head at himself. He needed to stop with the rambling before he embarassed himself.
You: John smiled, he could tell Sherlock was passionate about this. "I understand. I watch the crime shows too, don't worry. It is interesting..hearing how they solve the cases and I've even watched some documentaries about serial killers. It's fascinating hearing those people explain themselves." he looked Sherlock over. "That will be an interesting job." he hummed.
Stranger: Sherlock nodded, looking up in time to see John look him over. Oh, that felt... nice, honestly. To have someone interested in him, and not just through the computer. "I think so. Think Scotland yard could use someone who actually knows what they're doing. Have you seen some of their detectives? Bloody idiots." He shook his head, rolling his eyes. "I tried to sneak into a case once, it was a double homicide and it was fascinating. They pushed me out before I could even get a good look, though."
You: John chuckled, "You've got to be careful, they'll think you're the one who did and you're trying to get a second look at your work." he joked. He squeezed the others hand, "Don't worry, you're young. You've got plenty of time to get through school then you'll get to see plenty of double homicides." he chuckled. (do you continue rps? I absolutely LOVE this. But its already 3 in the morning for me )
Stranger: [We can try but i'm absolutely TERRIBLE at remembering to respond to emails, and that's the only place I continue them]
You: (my heart ;(. Well it's up to you! I'd hate to see this die but I am very active on email and respond quickly! )
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scope-dogg · 5 years
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Brave Express Might Gaine: Final Thoughts
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Might Gaine has become something of an unlikely Super Robot Wars mainstay, having been in the last two games and also in the upcoming SRW T. It’s a series I’ve been holding off on for a while while I waited for its ongoing fansub projects to finish, but with SRW T just around the corner, I was determined to see everything in the roster before the game came out, which led to a change of plans for me. While it’s true that the situation with English subs for this series is really rough and honestly makes it something of a tough recommendation, what we have was good enough for me to make it through and enjoy yet another solid entry in a series that’s yet to let me down.
The story setup is that in the future, the sudden depletion of fossil fuels leads to a revolution in technology, most notably in the form of a global electric train network, as well as the onset of super-powerful artificial intelligence and robotics. At the forefront of this is the Senpuuji Concern, a mega-corporation led by its brilliant teenage CEO Maito Senpuuji, who also moonlights as the leader of the Brave Express, a corps of railway-based transforming robots created to fight evil. Piloting the combined fighting mecha Might Gaine, Maito fights off a wave of robot-based crime that has arisen, although the Brave Express’ true purpose is to fight off an unseen great evil that still lurks in the shadows.
In terms of the other Braves shows I’ve seen, this one is probably most similar to J-Decker, which was the show that came immediately after this, at least in terms of the plot setup. The show’s main plot is a really slow burn up until the last few episodes, with most of the rest of the show being pretty standard episodic monster (or in this case, robot) of the week fare. That’s not to say that it isn’t entertaining though. Like J-Decker, Might Gaine has a pretty wild rogue’s gallery of robot super-villains. However, unlike J-Decker, it has a primary cast of four extravagant opponents - the mad scientist Wolfgang, bent on creating the ultimate battle robot, the Asian mafia kingpin Hoi Kow Low, Shogun Mifune, a man obsessed with recreating feudal era Japan, and Catherine Vuitton, a vain and conceited professional thief who has no issues with bringing misery to people in order to fulfil her strangest whims. Each of these four come up with some bizarre and unusual plots with each new episode, with weird and wonderful robot designs to match. It results in some episodes that I’ll never forget, such as Catherine’s plan to rid Japan of natto or Shogun Mifune’s plan to abduct world leaders to force them to ratify his appointment as supreme leader of Japan. This light-hearted tone is backed up by the cast of protagonists as well - at first, Maito seemed to be a pretty boring guy, being unrealistically skilled and successful at everything at a young age with no real character flaws, as well an a ridiculously rich billionaire to boot. However, it didn’t take me long to realise that it’s all clearly meant to be tongue-in-cheek, with Maito clearly meant as something of a parody of unrealistic main characters in anime. That was further driven home by his love interest Sally - the running joke with her is that she works wildly different jobs every week, and each time just so happens to be close enough to overlook Maito’s escapades and gaze on longingly as he fights.
That said, this early light-hearted, humorous tone actually belies how serious things get later on - firstly in the form of a series of increasingly high-stakes showdowns with Maito’s edgy rival Joe the Ace. It then gradually slowly works its way into the real plot and its surprisingly intense conclusion - this probably had the most serious and unexpectedly violent final arc out of any other Braves series I’ve seen - only Gaogaigar Final felt like it had higher stakes.
I thought the presentation here was something of a mixed bag, although the fact that this isn’t really available to watch anywhere in good quality probably had a lot to do with that. Even disregarding that, this has the same problem that every other Braves series has, that being an over-reliance on stock footage, with the animation work outside of that not being particularly good. That’s offset by a great soundtrack however, plus the mechanical design is overall really good - even most of the jobber bad guy robots are memorable in one way or another, and Might Gaine itself and its eventual upgrade are probably contenders with Gaogaigar for my favourite lead Braves robot design. The supporting cast of Braves are pretty decent looks-wise as well, although it was kind of disappointing not to see each one developed as characters, with them all basically being background to the show’s human characters. I know a lot of Braves series fans loved how the Braves were really-well rounded characters in J-Decker, and even in Gaogaigar. Anybody looking for that kind of thing in here is probably going to be disappointed.
Now for the real sticky topic, those being the status of the subs in this show. The only subs that cover the whole series are a suspect set of Hong Kong subs that range from okay to awful, with the added annoyance of them changing the names of pretty much every major character for no real reason, despite the fact that the subs and the audio no longer match. However, there have been efforts to make a better fansub, which have been assembled into a youtube playlist - it currently covers the first 35 episodes, with more perhaps forthcoming in the future - however, right now the only way to watch those final 12 episodes is the Hong Kong subs. They’re not so bad that you can’t watch and understand, so long as you’re prepared to mentally filter the character names to the correct ones, but they’re still far from ideal.
Overall however, if you’ve got the commitment then it’s probably worth your while, because this was an enjoyable series once all’s said and done, and I enjoyed my time with it. Gaogaigar and J-Decker are probably easier points of entry if you’ve never seen anything in this series before, and personally I think both delivered on the Braves formula better, but even with that in mind and the weird subs there’s plenty to enjoy here. It hasn’t made it into three SRW games in a row for no reason.
As far as that goes, SRW V and X have already set a pretty clear formula for how this show might be implemented in T, although there’s still plenty of source material that they’ve yet to turn into scenarios. Most of all, I’m excited to see how Might Gaine and Gaogaigar play off one another - this is the first time two Braves series have been in the same SRW game.
With that out of the way, I’m getting really close to my aim of seeing everything in the SRW T roster - only Expelled From Paradise and Aura Battler Dunbine and its OVA remain. Expelled From Paradise is next - expect to hear my thoughts on that soon.
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darlingnisi · 6 years
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Prince....from the outside world
I was very curious to know perceptions of P outside of the fandom so I polled some people on Facebook. I feel like Prince's image/brand is WAY more beloved and known than his actual music, and that bothers me more than I care to admit most days. Is he a legend to you because you heard he was or because you experienced it through his work, you know? That annoyance was a big reason for the mixcloud/soundcloud thing. Yes the enigma that is Prince is fascinating, and beautiful and sexy and all of those things, but THE MUSIC! THE MUSIC. THE POINT (To me anyway...) Anyway...here’s how I posed the question : Thoughts/question for the day...would love your input. I'm obviously pretty entrenched in the Prince fandom, and most of the people I associate with daily are also. I do recognize though that outside of the purple bubble, (ha and sometimes inside) not a lot is known about who he was, what he did, or how much music he actually made. For those of you who have a passive interest, are a casual fan, or generally know who he is but don't know much about him, what do you know or what have you heard music wise? What's your impression of him? Be honest no hurt feelings if you've heard negative things! I'm trying to see something...
And the responses : I know what you've told me, posted, or sent me to read. Immediately following his passing, I was slightly obsessed with watching Youtube videos of other celebs sharing stories about his great sense of humor. Before that...*thinks* only stuff that made major news outlets. I didn’t realize until recently (last few years) what level he was on musically. I knew he was talented, but what he has goes beyond that, into otherworldly. As far as specific music, I only knew his popular stuff before. *** I didn't become a Prince fan until an ex-gf exposed me to him. Michael Jackson claimed my interest growing up, and that developing brain didn't have enough room for both of them. As an adult and musician I came to realize that not only was he a genius, he wrote for and inspired so many other geniuses. He's like if Stevie Wonder had the astronomical performance abilities of James Brown. *** Honestly I wasn't a fan at all. I thought his musicianship was pretty good. There's a few songs I liked, but overall nah-- I only like a few songs like Kiss. I didn't really like his performance style. It was good to hear how philanthropic he was behind closed doors after the fact. Every time I see him perform or watch an old video I cringe a little bit. People always hate me when I tell them that lol *** I haven't delved into his personal, as I don't normally do that with any artist. For impressions, I remember way back as a child I thinking he was some form of gay. Not that actually fully understood what that was but this was like in the early 90s and the whole symbol as a name thing. I kow enjoyed his music and found the imagery in the videos interesting. Wasn’t until the last decade or so that I heard about him as a person. You can thank Chappelle and Charlie Murphy for that. *** I know very little...my parents weren't big Prince fans so I didn't grow up with his music, just a few hits like Raspberry Beret. What I know I know from Chappelle Show, mega fans, and news reports after he passed. *** My 1st impressions of him was WHOA he's different but as I got older,I can identify with him more than MJ or Barry White ***  I just got watching the episode of New Girl that he was in  It’s so great  *** I grew up in his era. I became a fan post passing. Prior to this, I thought he was talented but stand offish, weird, unrelatable. He did so many strange things in the 90's that I just drifted away from anything P related as he disappeared from mainstream and went underground. I saw him here in ATL at Musicology and he blew me away but then he didn't come back...so, out of sight, out of mind. Since 2016, out of curiosity, I have educated myself on the man and the music and have found I love the music of the 90's and 2000's but never heard it until now. I've come to realize he was much deeper than I thought and I had no idea of his compassion. I'm not a huge fan of the 80's. It's too over played. I also think that I didn't purchase a lot of his music from the 80's because I was constantly having to censor it to be respectful of who was in earshot and might be offended. (kid's, parents, family, strangers) MJ was more mainstream and Prince seemed to be more into the shock value. In the 80's he came across to me as all sex and very little depth. Now that I am more into the fandom, I am amazed at his use of words, double entendre's and just the genius and mystery in lyrical meanings and complicated arrangements. I still have a ton of questions regarding him but I believe I'm understanding more of the man and his music since he's passed. I'm pleasantly surprised. Earlier, I wasn't impressed. That's my truth.
************************************************ So...interesting perspectives, huh? Just something to keep in mind as we think about how to make P accessible to others...and how he fits into the larger scheme of things. People tend to be interested when he’s in an easily accessible place so...maybe something on ABC/CBS/NBC/FOX/PBS for the widest visibility? Can we get him on the radio more than whatever is being currently promoted?  Dream : Issa Rae, Donald Glover, and Janelle Moane host a remastered 3 Chains of Gold on FX. They provide commentary during commercial breaks...and there’s an associated hashtag for Twitter..... Can you imagine how big that would be to bridge him to younger people?
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hypnoticcastiel · 7 years
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VALERIAN: skyjet conceptart & interview with Ben Mauro.
Hi Ben. Tell us a little about your background in design – was film always the field you wanted to get into, or did you start in another discipline? I got my training in industrial design and entertainment design from Art Center College of Design in Pasadena, CA where I got a good set of skills to begin my career as a concept designer many years ago. I think initially I really just wanted to work in videogames, I was a huge fan of games like Halo growing up so I thought it would be fun to design levels and architecture for worlds and experiences like that. This led me to Seattle initially to explore that path out of high school, but in the middle of it I found I was more interested in the design side of things and ultimately shifted my education from more of a 3D direction into more of a design focused one down at Art Center, where it was a pretty easy transition to working in games and films afterwards with the skills I learned there.
As you began designing for films, which artists and illustrators have provided the most inspiration to your personal style? I don’t look at much art anymore while I design, but starting out I definitely tried to learn and study everything in school, I wanted to know what had come before to get a holistic understanding of all film/automotive/product/aerospace/architecture/nature and any other form of design throughout history. Through that study, the more entertainment based artwork that resonated most to me was mainly a combination of French and Japanese artists such as Katsuhiro Otomo, Shirow Masamune, Katsuya Terada, Kow Yokoyama, Yasushi Nirasawa, Yoji Shinkawa and Makoto Kobayashi on the Japanese side of things and artists like Moebius, Meziere, Sylvain Despretz (who I was lucky enough to get to work with on Valerian!) and Juan Gimenez on the French/European side of things. These two main groups of artists were sort of a melting pot of influences for me starting out, and of course American artists like Syd Mead, Doug Chiang, Ian Mccaig and Ralph McQuarrie are hard to not be influenced by growing up here.
When I started working professionally I sort of turned off a lot of my personal preferences for the sake of learning new skills, the first 7-8 years I just wanted to learn as many different things from everyone I was working with to grow as much as possible. On the one hand this approach was good to create a very diverse range of skills to offer clients/projects, but it also means a lot of your individuality gets lost quite a bit. Luckily the projects with Luc tend to overlap with a lot of my early influences that I enjoy the most, so Valerian came at a very good moment, I was able to sort of go back in time to all the work I loved at the beginning of my career but armed with a lot of new skills to help build this universe in much more detail than I could have when I was younger. In a way, Valerian sort of felt like the project I had been training most of my career for, which was a really cool thing to be a part of.
As a 21st century artist, what type of design do you feel is more challenging: Something that evokes the past through fantasy, like The Hobbit, or something that projects futuristic realism like Elysium? I definitely think sci-fi work is more challenging than fantasy as far as being a designer on the project, with (live action) fantasy design it usually means taking real world elements and slightly tweaking/exaggerating them to be more fantastic or mixing ancient designs cleverly with natural or geometric forms and patterns. Something like Elysium which is a more realistic near future design direction, I guess kind of falls into a similar logic as a lot of the design was referencing real world technologies to make everything more believable while obviously exaggerating/tweaking it to create something new. I think even under those circumstances the world/scenarios created in a sci-fi setting like that are more new/interesting (to me at least) than what can be found in fantasy based projects. The most challenging projects (to me) would be sci-fi universes like what we created for Valerian, where it’s not necessarily always based on anything found on earth/reality so we are going pretty far into uncharted territory creating something new/original, those types of projects definitely push you to your limits as a designer.
Valerian is your second project with Luc Besson (Lucy was the first); how did you come to work with him and what about his world-building do you find most creative? I actually worked on an early version of Valerian before Lucy around 7 or so years ago now. Luc found some of my early work created when I was still a student and got in touch with me, I had just started working on film/videogame projects at the time and helped him out on an earlier version of the film for a few months before things went on hold for a couple years. At the time I remember being a little sad that things went on hold for so long, but in hindsight I’m kind of glad as I feel like I needed those extra years in-between to get better and be ready artistically to do the job I ended up doing on the final film.
After the success of Lucy, Valerian came back and we began on that project full-time for the last few years. I think the thing I enjoyed the most working with Luc on a world building creative level was how much he wanted to see something that was cool/original above all else, style over reality. Most of the other projects I worked on in my career followed a pretty strict ‘reality’ based logic, it’s almost more of an engineer like approach to design where everything has to be ‘grounded’, you need to be able to find something in real life and extrapolate functionality/form language from it to create something that would/could possibly exist. This logic works fine for many projects and is easy to grasp as a designer, but I find it can be restrictive creatively and sometimes hard to break out of if you go too far down that line of thinking. I remember early on for Valerian having to break out of this mindset and sort of ‘unlearn’ a lot of things I had experienced over the last few years because it was getting in the way of me solving problems successfully for Luc. That moment came when I was designing this big spaceship that splits into 1000 smaller ships, I was trying to design something that could logically fold up and connect together in a way that allowed all the pilots to get into each of the individual smaller ships and I remember struggling with this assignment for a little bit until Luc said something along the lines of “Ben, this is a movie, not real life! Don’t worry too much about that, this is what I want the ships to look like and here’s what I want to happen in the sequence, it will be a cool moment”. After that I learned to start turning off the more ‘reality’ based logic and just having fun with the designs on the film, coming up with the funkiest/coolest things I could imagine.
You’ve spoken before about the iterative process of concept art for film, and how complex that can be. How close would you say the designs for Valerian ended up on-screen versus the initial concepts? On Valerian I felt like Luc was very good about making sure the approved design he likes ends up pretty much identical in the final film which has been amazing to see! It’s a very rare occurrence to work with someone that knows what they want on such a massive project and able to make decisions years in advance and stick to them. Because of this he has also been the most efficient director I have ever worked with, it was really inspiring to see and made for a very pleasant working experience all the years I was on the film. After working on other projects where we are sometimes asked to do 500+ designs/revisions on small insignificant objects in a movie, I kind of didn’t believe it when Luc approved the first design I did for one of the big creatures we see early on in the film, the Megaptor. I remember really liking the design after creating it and thinking “Well, at least this first idea is cool, it will probably change 100 times”, but he ended up liking it as much as I did and approved it! Even after that I still kind of didn’t believe it until I saw it running around in the trailers 2 years later, ha!
What was Luc’s vision for the SKYJET originally? Luc was after something simple and iconic, something the audience would be able to easily understand and remember long after they left the theater.
What is the main inspiration for the design of the ship? The exterior design inspiration mainly came from nature, looking at things like dolphins, orca and sharks to create a very fast and aerodynamic looking design. I also looked at more man made objects such as fighter jets, luxury single seater submersibles and other aquatic/flying vehicles to make sure the scale and level of detail was suitable for the SKYJET in the world we were trying to create in the film.
What is the primary function of the SKYJET? Is it a personal commuting vehicle for future motorists or is it a more specialized mode of transportation? The way I understood it was that the SKYJET was more of a specialized military type vehicle built specifically for Valerian and Laureline (or whichever agency they work for) to be used by highly trained agents on their missions and adventures all over the galaxy.
Do you design a vehicle like this thinking of material components? For example, is the outer shell composed of something like carbon-fiber or a completely new material from the future? I imagined it would be some sort of advanced future military grade metal material capable of withstanding any blasts and attacks from various alien technologies/weapons they might encounter on their missions.
How fast does the SKYJET travel? Can you give us details on its proposed performance? Does it have an altitude limit, or can it fly in outer space? I imagined the top speed and altitude limit to be comparable or exceed modern day fighter jets (An F-22 Raptors top speed is 2,410 km/h) while flying on planets with atmosphere. While flying in space I imagine it would go faster without any atmosphere/friction to slow it down.
What role do you think AI might play in cars of the future? I think AI and autonomous driving will become a big part of cars in the near future, especially in larger city based locations congested with traffic. Those technologies will definitely help streamline commutes and keep things moving more smoothly while cutting down on accidents. A car will most likely start to become more of a moving extension of a person’s office or leisure/entertainment space with all control given up to AI. That being said, I hope manually driven car technology will still exist in some form so that cars can be used for fun.
Lastly, for our fans and followers who might want to get into concept design for films one day, what advice would you offer them that you feel is invaluable? If you really want to do this job for a living then go for it! When I was starting out a lot of this information was really hard to find and isolated to a few schools in California which not everyone could afford, but I feel like now all information needed to be a competent designer/illustrator in games and films is easily available/affordable in books and the dozens of online schools or artists Gumroads/Patreons offering very high level training for not a lot of money. It’s almost the opposite of what I experienced starting out, the difficulty now is from there being too much information available to you which I think is a good problem to have. So if you know what you want to learn and are self motivated enough to put in the time to learn it, the sky’s the limit.
[Nicole Campos,lootcrate]
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bluerosewriter · 7 years
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Thoughts and Ideas on Sherlock S4 Promo Trailer Episode
To keep me from going in crazy  I rewatch the Season 4 Promo again. I wanted to see what scenes have we not gotten since TST.  I came up with 
Still Missing Scenes
1) John standing at the foot of the hospital bed.
 Now this could be in tonight episode.  If they keep it close to ACD TDD. Or it the last episode.  The way John is standing it kinda looks like he could be leaning on the foot of the bed as support.  Now that we know “Mary” is dead as of right now in the show.  I not saying she is or she isn’t.  Just that the only other person who could maybe have John reaction like that which is a very worry or concern just on how his body language is to me is Sherlock.  So it could be tonight or next week.
2)The Car Chase in the Day Time
Just knowing the TDD I think this clip is from TFP.  But it could be in TLD if like Dr. Smith goes on the run from the cops or if part of some show he involved with.  
3) Willy Starring in the Doorway
It looks awful dark which makes me think TFP.  Since TLD promo it all seems like more daytime episode and bright as in filming wise.  I know this can also have night time scenes in it too.  
4) Sherlock clocking gun in 221B
Will it look like Bakerstreet?  I don’t remember this scene in TST so I guessing it is in TFP just cause Sherlock is clean cut in the clip but it could be in tonight if cleans himself up or it starts off with a cleaned up Sherlock. I know this clip was put in the place of the clip of Sherlock waving the gun around in 221B which will be in TLD cause Sherlock was not clean up.
5) Ms. Hudson telling Mycroft to get out of her house
Up in arms with this clip as what episode it is in.  Could be tonight if Mycroft thinks Sherlock is on drugs again and Sherlock demands he still clean.  Ms. Hudson will always protect Sherlock as John would.  Or it in TFP and Mycroft does something horrible to Sherlock that Ms. Hudson doesn’t want him in her house.  Which I kinda think of just cause she standing up to Mycroft so I would think she really pissed off.
6) The flashlight/torch on the metal door
I don’t know on this one.  It looks different from where Sherlock had Mary meet him. If I had to guess it is in TFP.  It seems very secretive.   
7) Jim’s Beach scene
Is it Jim or James.  Since ACD had Jim have a twin but went by James and yes they had the same name.  Since sherlock always keeps telling John it never twins and that could be a way for them to surprise if it was twins.  If Sherlock says it doesn’t happen then it doesn’t happen.  Come on.  We have seen Sherlock wrong before.
Trailor 2
8) Mycroft standing in front of burning house
From what I could take from is that maybe Mycroft set the fire.  Now it could be in TLD if Dr.Smith is trying to expose secrets on the Holmes Family he might burn down it keep some secret safe.  Or Mycroft comes to find it burning.  Now is it his home or not I don’t know but we know Mycroft has money so I could see him living in a place like that. 
9) Sherlock laying on the table
Makes me think it is in TFP.  Sherlock clean cut.  He could be out.  Like he was taken and put on the table or hit and fell on the table but I don’t think he would be laying the table like that.  
10)  Molly on the phone upset
I honestly don’t remember it from TST.  We all know how she feels for Sherlock.  So could it be in TLD yes if Sherlock is sick or in trouble?  If they keep with the story of TDD then yes it could be bad and she would be upset.
11) Sherlock Enter A top Secret Room
TFP Sherlock clean cut.  This could be a place where Mycroft has them meet.  Yes, I know Sherlock has his gun drawn but it’s down too.  
12) Sherlock giving John a gun with Mycroft and Sherlock holding a gun as he  puts his face in his hands
These two are different clips but you can tell they are the same scene. Putting them together makes me think it is TFP.  That Sherlock has to do something he doesn’t want to do or comes to the terms of something that he has no choice of.  Gives John the gun for protection or he going unarmed into a battle.  He wants John to have his back.  Yes, this scene is also tied to ILU scene but it hasn’t come up in the trailer yet.  
13) John in the well or in the water
In TFP.I think 11 & 12 and ILU scene could take place after this maybe.  Like John gets kidnapped and Sherlock saves him and then leaves to confront John kidnapper alone and unarmed.
14) Sherlock Says I Love You
So many take's on this one.  From Sherlock standing in front of a mirror.  I don’t think so.  I think is meant to be a close up shot like  of Mycroft in HLV outside their parent's house. (I have a point on this scene from HLV)
I do believe he confusing his love to John,  But we know how brave Sherlock is he can’t tell John to his face or he would have outside the plan in HLV. I think this is like Mycroft who tells sherlock it would kill him if he lost him as Sherlock stands behind him and chokes on the smoke.
Why I don’t think it is to Mycroft is I have a brother. I don’t tell him I love you I will say Love you.  But hell that could just be me.  To me I love you is for parents, grand parents and partners.  Anyway, it sounds more of a confession to me not love you brother and not like I love you, my best friend. 
We know as much as Sherlock hates it he and Mycroft are more a like.  I think sherlock telling John he loves him.  I swear it might be a picture of John and Mycroft reaction where sherlock face is blurred.  John's face is like What?  Mycroft maybe is like I can’t believe he said it.
We all know that one big thing in book, movies is to confess your love to someone when you think you might not make it out.  I would hope Sherlock would do this since he almost died twice without telling John how he feels about him.
The Lying Detective
This is the episode I’ve been waiting for.Knowing the Dying Detective story.  I am a sucker for characters who are sick or hurt.  Because it shows how great of an actor is to me if they can pull that off.  We know how amazing Benedict is and was in HLV which is probably my favorite episode so far.  I know I am weird but in a good way.  
I wonder if we are going to start out with a clean cut Sherlock or not.  We know in HLV when John finds Sherlock in the crack house and they hadn’t seen each other for weeks or days Sherlock was still clean cut even that he was on a case.  The only time we saw Sherlock, not clean cut was when he was undercover and chained up. 
If Sherlock is shown not to have shaved for days then to me that tells me Sherlock tries to look his best for John.  Who would want to look nice for the person they love.  Even if there a remote chance he might see him.  Since John told him he doesn’t want to see him he has no reason to do his hair, shave. Show us how badly Sherlock hurting with.John wanting nothing to do with him.
If Sherlock is clean cut.  Then the whole no shaving Sherlock is related to Dr.Smith.  Is sherlock not sleeping and working non stop to figure out hout ot stop him.  Or is he driving Sherlock crazy where everyone else might think he back on drugs. The whole nurse scene makes me feel like I am watching Across the  Universe expect The Beatles to start playing.  It feels  very dream like to me. 
Which could hint that Sherlock been poisioned. I wounder if Mary could had a hand in it.  With the note she handed Sherlock.  I know she drugged the note cause Sherlock passes out but what if something else was on the paper and it a very slow acting and now its taking effect on Sherlock in TLD.  That would line up with TDD.  Yes that story Sherlock is lying.  So maybe in TLD Sherlock not lying.  Maybe he really been poisioned but figures it out and cures himself or Dr. Watson figures it out. Gives us a chance to see John Save Sherlock again.
Or Dr.Smith could just be in exposing secrets.  But I feel that if all to do with secrets that it kinda way off of TDD.  TST was like the original braking busts to find something hidden in one of them.  So I feel that TLD should have Sherlock really poisioned and that could explain the John hopsital clip or Sherlock lying or faking it to catch Dr.Smith.
All I know is I can’t wait until tonight. So many ways it can go.  Just my thoughts and ideas on clips in the trailer we havne’t seen and tonight episode and the famous three words I love you.  
I join tumblr to have a place to talk about the show and to post my thoughts since my brother and his girlfriend have moved away and they are the only ones who watch Sherlock but I also don’t kow if they know about Johnlock. :P  Maybe one of my followers on here would like some of this.  I wish we got more episodes then just three. :(
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ngirl64 · 4 years
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Similar Interests Part 16
Dark Pit:  *they reach the dining hall. Pit and Palutena just finished preparing the food*
Pit: Oh, great timing!
Rose: *still not trusting her words completely she waves*
Palutena: *she puts the food on the table* Foods ready to eat
Dark Pit: *he sits at the table*
Rose: *She sits next to Dark Pit*
Pit: *he and Palutena also sit at the table. He begins to eat but after a moment remembers what Dark Pit said in the Underworld. He then goofily smiles at him*
Dark Pit: *ignores Pit*
Rose: *she notices and blushes bright red.* S-So, th-thanks for m-making dinner.
Palutena: You’re welcome
Pit: No problem. Hope ya like it, hehe
Dark Pit: Mhmm.
Rose: *She takes some of the food and starts eating.*
Pit: Sooooooo. You two, huh? Ya dating?
Dark Pit: *sighs* I was waiting for that
Rose: *Face flushed she nods.* Uhh, y-yeah we are. *She faces Pit* But don’t you start teasing us about it. Ok?
Pit: Hehe, ok. Just funny to see Doom and Gloom Pitto find someone he loves
Dark Pit: Don’t call me Pittoo
Palutena: *she giggles a little* Well, i think it’s sweet
Rose: *She hides her face and mumbles* I’ll slap you if you try anything Pit
Pit: Heheh… Don’t worry, i won’t do anything
Dark Pit: Except keep that goofy look on his face
Rose: *She keeps eating and doesn’t look at anyone, too embarrassed to say a word*
Pit: *Doesn’t take long to him to finish eating, as usual*
Dark Pit: *continues eating, eventually finishing*
Rose: *After finishing her meal she sat there for a while, waiting for everyone else to leave so she could talk to Palutena alone*
Palutena: *after they’d all finished eating she began to clean up*
Pit: I’ll clean up today, Lady Palutena *takes over the cleaning*
Palutena: Oh thanks, Pit
Dark Pit: *He stands up from the table, stretching his wings*
Rose: *She looks over to Palutena her expression clearly asking to talk with her*
Palutena: *she notices and walks with Rose to a different room* What is it you want to talk about?
Rose: *A tear falls from her eye* I wanted to apologise for everything not just attacking Pit. The fact that you found out about my job. But most importantly I wanted to know, have there ever been any times where a mortal has dated an angel? I just don’t wanna mess things up for us.
Palutena: Rose, don’t worry. It’s ok. If it makes you feel better, i’ve put Pit into some seriously dangerous situation. And i went through a similar situation of being controlled. I even turned Pit into a Ring from it. As for your job, while it may not be the greatest, i can understand the reasons to it. But, for a mortal and angel dating, i don’t recall there ever being a time like that. You and Dark Pit are the first ones. All i can really say is to follow your heart and it’ll lead you on the right path in your relationship.
Rose: *She rubs her neck and laughs nervously* Heh, yeah.
Palutena: You’ll both do fine. I can tell you both really love each other, so whatever bad things that may happen will just make your relationship stronger
Rose: *She sighs* Ok, thank you Palutena. *She stands up and hugs her*
Palutena: *she hugs back, smiling* you’re welcome
Rose: *walks off to find Dark Pit.*
Palutena: *goes back to Pit to make sure he hasn’t boke anything*
Dark Pit: *was walking along the corridors of the Temple and sees Rose. he then flies over to her* Hello
Rose: Hey Dark Pit, *She yawns* I was wondering if you wanted to go and lay down for awhile.
Dark Pit: Sure. you seem tired
Rose: *She nods* I am.
Dark Pit: Then let’s go sleep
Rose: *She walks to a bedroom with Dark Pit*
Vallerie: *Walks to Pit and holds up a messy drawing for him* I mwde thith! I mwde it for wou!
Pit: *he kneels down and looks at the drawing* Aww, wow. Great drawing Vallerie! Thank you!
Vallerie: Pwt, I fink Cawol mwy wike wou. But shw no wanwa twll wou.
Pit: H-huh?? *he slightly blushes*
Vallerie: ywp. Shw swys wou a nwce pwrson. Swys tat wou would bw nwce to hwlp me.
Pit: A-aww. Well, she’s really nice too. And i’ll always help you when you need it, Vallerie
Vallerie: *She reaches up to hug him* Whw wou rwd? Cawol gets rwd when I twlk abwut wou. Dw wou wike Cawol?
Pit:*he hugs back and blushes a bit more from her question* u-uuhhh… heheh… s-she’s very nice and w-well… i-i guess so, heheh…
Vallerie: *She pokes at Pit’s cheeks and giggles* Wou showld twlk wif hwr! Wou two would be cwte twogefer!
Pit: H-heheh… i-i guess i could talk to her. *his blush darkens once more, covering more of his face now*
Vallerie: Yay! I go gwt hwr!!!! *She runs off*
Pit: *realising the situation more, he covers his face with a wing*
Carol: *A few moments later Carol comes up being pushed by Vallerie* Vallerie, please. *She runs into Pit and she blushes* Ah, s-sorry.
Pit: *moves his wing away from his face* i-it’s ok. *he shyly smiles to her*
Carol: *She blushed* I-I’m s-so sorry about V-Vallerie sometimes sh-she t-tries to d-do a lot of things. Sh-She knew about Rose and D-Dark Pit. S-So she’s been t-trying t-t-to g-ge
Vallerie: I been gwtting wou a bwyfirnd!!!!!
Pit: heheh… s-she’s p-pretty determined in what she does, huh?
Carol: *She rubs her neck* Y-Yeah She is.
Pit: s-so… is w-what Vallerie said, true? Y-you l-like me?
Carol: *her face gets even more red.* H-Heh. Y-Yeah. I-I do.
Pit: *his blush darkens* W-well, i-i l-like you t-too
Vallerie: Yay! I go tw fwnd Palutwna! *She runs off*
Carol: Vallerie No!
Pit: Oh boy *he covers his face with his wings, his whole face red*
Carol: *Spreads her wings and flies after Vallerie*
Pit: *he follows and runs after them*
Carol: *Catches Vallerie and stops flying.* Vallerie you can’t do stuff like that. 
Vallerie: Bwt wou alwys swy to be twue to pwple.
Carol: I do say that, but you need to know. *She kneels to her height* Something certain things need to stay between people. 
Pit: *he catches up to them* Oh, you caught her. *he sighs of relief*
Vallerie: *She looks at the ground and sniffles* I sowwy, I no do agwn
Pit: Alright. *he kneels down to her* 
Vallerie: I just wan a mommy and daddy. Mine went on a trwp awd never came bwck. Pwople wan to twke me awy bwt i frought mommy and daddy would com home. Den I mwt Cawol! Shw was a mommy to me. *She looked at Pit* Pwt do wou know where my mommy and daddy are?
Pit: U-uhhh….. Well… I’m sorry, Vallerie. But i-i… don’t think they’ll be coming back *not wanting to break the news but tires to say in a different way*
Vallerie: I kow thith. Bwt if wou find them. Twll thwm I wove thwm.
Carol: *She wiped a tear from Vallerie’s eye.* It’s ok Vallerie. We’ll let them know. 
Pit: *His wings dropped a little* Yeah. We will
Vallerie: *She hugged Pit and yawned* I trwed can I sweep?
Pit: *He hugged back* Of course. Let’s get you to bed
Carol: *She sends a grateful look to Pit.*
Vallerie: *She yawned again and reached up for someone to pick her up*
Carol: *Bends down and picks up Vallerie* After you Pit.
Pit: *he nods and walks to the bedroom for Vallerie*
RP Master Post
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recentanimenews · 6 years
Text
Has My Enjoyment of Outlaw Star Changed In Nearly 20 Years?
Seventeen years ago, I watched Outlaw Star for the first time when it premiered on Toonami. To my eleven-year-old self, it was the epitome of cool. Space, eccentric characters, incredible spaceship designs, fun fight scenes, and a story that kept me coming back day after day. Other than initial reruns that would’ve aired after that first run, I haven’t watched the series since I was much younger. With Outlaw Star being added to Crunchyroll and prior experience in testing my nostalgia in terms of anime, what better time to see if I can still enjoy the show? Have I changed my opinion on Outlaw Star in 2018?
Yes and no.
For those unaware, the general premise of Outlaw Star sees protagonist Gene Starwind and his hacker friend Jim Hawking stumble upon a mysterious bio-android named Melfina, and eventually the titular Outlaw Star itself, an experimental "Grappler Ship." Along the way they are joined by Ctarl-Ctarl officer Aisha Clanclan and the assassin “Twilight” Suzuka. The ragtag group runs into a variety of villains such as the Kei pirates and the MacDougall brothers in search of the mysterious Galactic Leyline, while trying to figure out who Melfina is survive the outlaw lifestyle.
Outlaw Star debuted on Toonami in January of 2001 during the cusp of that particular anime boom in the United States. Perhaps one of the biggest things I noticed when rewatching the series is it’s absolutely astonishing that this was ever put on TV with a TV-Y7 rating. The amount of adult language, sexual content, violence, and mature themes that permeate each episode is high—which might explain why it seemed so cool, as it was something that probably shouldn’t have been on the air.
Toonami made multiple edits to make the show appropriate for a younger audience, including removing anything remotely risque along with not airing episode 23—the hot springs episode—due to that episode’s gratuitous sexual content. If you want to go back and see how they pulled this off, the unfortunate news is that it’s almost impossible—that version of Outlaw Star has been lost to time, which is extremely unfortunate from a historical and preservation sense, since I would have loved to go back and compare those versions with the unedited episodes.
Outside of the surprise from seeing the unedited episodes for the first time, one of Outlaw Star’s biggest strengths is its visual fidelity and aesthetic. Space is bright in a way that's normally not seen in sci-fi or shows based in space since the series uses pastels along with the normal darkness of space. The design of the XGP15A-II Outlaw Star—created by famed mecha designer Shoji Kawamori—is absolutely gorgeous. This style that Outlaw Star promotes fits in perfectly with the sci-fi/western/space opera universe that it creates, also extending to the soundtrack which brilliantly mixes jazz and orchestral work from Mobile Suit Gundam Wing and Shadow of the Colossus composer Kow Otani.
The strong, united aesthetic even extends to the designs of the main characters—they each have their own specific look that caters to their personalities and backgrounds. The far-reaching worlds are fantastical in a way that evokes older sci-fi, and the alien races fit within the scope of the world of Outlaw Star. Gene’s futuristic form of a duster gives him the feeling of old-school westerns, but in a way that fits in space. There's an outfit that Gene wears that's not his usual attire, but is quite similar to one from prominent sci-fi series Cowboy Bebop: a very familiar-looking dark blue suit. Both shows were made around the same time by Sunrise, so this might be a nod to Bebop, or perhaps a slight dig given that they would have been in-house competitors.
One aspect of the show that isn’t often seen is the Grappler Ships. Turning spaceship combat from the traditional dogfights into one-on-one duels with giant arms protruding from the ships is still a lot of fun to watch. Introducing large-scale melee action as a method of ship-to-ship combat is a smart decision, as it gives another way for the show to stand out amongst the crowd of spacefaring sci-fi series prevalent across all media, not just in anime. Add in the mixture of western-style duels with magic in the form of the caster weapons and it makes for a different style of combat throughout the series.
A show such as this lives and dies on its characters, and that's one of the strongest aspects that Outlaw Star has. With a cast of people that define themselves as outlaws, there are multiple instances of shades of grey surrounding everyone. Gene goes through a fascinating arc where initially we see him panic-stricken to even fly in space after watching his dad get murdered by pirates. He's eventually able to overcome that to become the pilot of the Outlaw Star, but it also pushes the question if his lax attitude toward non-serious affairs is compensation for guilt relating to his father and Melfina, and his inability to help either of them. There are also interesting dynamics throughout the series, such as Aisha and Jim’s sibling-like friendship, and Gene being able to talk to Suzuka about personal issues that he's dealing with late in the series.
There's no denying that Outlaw Star is still fun to watch, but there are some problems. Given that it’s a show from the late ‘90s in terms of its Japanese release, some social issues that are within the series haven’t aged well. There are also parts that feel disjointed, and the main narrative is broken apart by a surprising amount of one-off and filler episodes. This is especially prevalent when the Anten Seven of the Kei Pirates are introduced as potentially the new main villain force midway through the series, and then basically put on the back burner outside of two episodes and the final three episodes.
The MacDougall brothers are another antagonistic duo that are seen more throughout the series, and are made to be a genuine threat throughout. They do everything they can to steal the Outlaw Star and Melfina by pretending to be nice, having their own caster weaponry, multiple attempts to abduct Melfina by violence and manipulation, and teaming up with the eccentric scientist who helped to create both the Outlaw Star and Melfina. Despite issues with the Kei Pirates not being as prominent past the halfway point of the show, Outlaw Star makes the bounty hunter MacDougall brothers into hateable villains.
Nostalgia can be tricky to deal with as it can make you remember things better than they were, but Outlaw Star doesn't fall into that issue. It’s not as amazing as I had remembered it being from when I was 11, nor is it one of the best anime sci-fi you will see, but it’s still fun almost 20 years later. The ending does hint at a potential return, and there was a spin-off titled Angel Links featuring a few Outlaw Star side characters that aired in 1999 in Japan, and also a planned sequel OVA titled Outlaw Star 2: Sword of the Wind, but that never came to be. Still, Outlaw Star is a series that you should try to watch if you haven’t, or if it’s been a while since you last saw it. It’s still got that appeal to make space a magical place to be. Sometimes what we grow up with still ends up being fun many years later, and I'm glad that Outlaw Star could still live up to my memories, despite my concerns. Have you also gone through a rewatch of Outlaw Star, and did it live up to your expectations or what you remembered? Let us know in the comments!
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Jared Clemons is a writer and podcaster for Seasonal Anime Checkup. He can be found on Twitter @ragbag.
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birdys-dreams · 6 years
Text
3/13/18
It was a pretty wild dream in all honesty. It seemed as if I were able to fly, except the power didnt come from inside me. It was like airbending. It makes sense that I'd be airbending in my dreams due to the fact that ive been watching Avatar: The Last Airbender. The thing is, I had a group of frieds who heard of this place, I dont remember the specifics of how they found it but I went along with them. (They were my dream friends, I don't actually know any of them, but there were a rowdy, diverse group of friends). Next thing you kow, we were in like some sort of wipe-out tournament, except this time, its deadly. Funnily enough it looked like someone threw up some multicolored neon paint. And other than that, it looked like some weird cake factory movement of the courses? I dont know. The thing is, it looked like we were also in the middle of a jungle, except all the water was replaced with some pink paint abomination. Also, throughout my mind my dreamself kept having the word "cake" embedded so it seems like thats important. So, I dont remember the courses, sadly, but I do remember the last one. There were a few of my initial group left, and all of us were so sick of this murder game and we wanted to get it over with. I dont think there was a prize but if there were, we'd probaly not care for it anymore. There were 2 huge rectangle shape slabs filled with hit pink paint(?) rotating. They were both rotating clockwise but the slab on the right was about a second behind in the rotatiom rhythm. A girl tried it, she was desperate to get out, but she failed and plummeted to her death. Another boy, seemingly her significant other, didnt even try the course and just jumped off around the same direction of his girlfriend. So I somehow got on the other side, along with like 4-5 other kids. (Guess the dream didnt want to show me how) and at one point, I guess we took too long, the whole last course just melted. And everyone who hasnt tried it was stuck in some gooey slime-like paint (unedible cake batter?). For them it was so hard to move, it took them like 30 seconds of trying just to get one foot forward. So I took it upon myself, ignoring my (sub-subconscious???) Screaming not to let anyone know I can fly/airbend. Everyone was like so surprised seeing that i can fly/airbend and were like "wow she can fly" i dont remember if they made any other comment though. So, i just took a few trips to get them all out of that slime. (They were about 10 feet from land). I started off 1 at a time, then decided "hey I think I can do 2 at a time" and yeah. Also my real life fried was there. I call her FM so thats what im calling her here. I flew over to FM and another girl behind her and said "don't take offence but I have to do one of you guys at a time." (Theyre a little overweigt, and im pretty scrawny). So after me getting them all out, we decided to just leave, leave the whole place. A kid also said we were suposed to go back to ur school for a dinner we were having???? So yeah. We walked back, I had two shirts on for some reason. A red shirt that said "parents for sale, buy one get one free" (I was working in paiting [oh my god thats why] yesterday and I DID have two shirts on, the same two I had in my dream) which was all messed up, and another turquoise and white horizontal striped one that I used on the dinner. Also when we got there I was like "fuck it" and decided to fly through some HUUUUGE tents my school got up (clearly this isnt my real school, just some school my dream decided to give me.) So the place was mostly white, and loked very very fancy. But I was just fly high through tents and shit. Thing is, I kept flying through one tent into another one. It seemed like an endless flight of tent passing. I was getting desperate to see the night sky and at one point I remember yellin out something along the lines of "aaaurgh how many tents are there???" So eone responded but I don't remember what they said. At one point I flew down to the ground, asked some random person where the exit was and just said "just continue walking through tents, you'll find it eventually" I said thanks, got mad, then decided to fly again through tents. So I eventually found my way and when I flew up to see how big this whole dinner was, there were 2 fucking tents in the whole thing. And I sure as fuck passed through at least 5 different, huge tents with different people and different accommodation of tables/seating. So after a while of flying outside ( I was like fucking,,,, flapping my arms as if I were a bird pfff) I went to a dinner table where my dream parents were (I don't know how I found them so quick, its a dream) and it seems like I was adopted of something??? Because dream me kept telling me its not our biological parents, its just some parents. (Don't know if its foster or anything) I also had a dream brother, who's still a little shit. Looked like real life FM's brother. Suddenly another woman came up and started speakig to my little bro, then to me, and I don't remember what she was talking about. And I made the motion as if I were to fly again, I mean I walked out of my chair, jumped and- thats it. Thats my dream, when I jumped I woke up. I wrote this exactly when I woke up, a few minutes later, trying too hard to retain those dream memories. This whole thing is wild, it seemed like a few seconds of footage, but since I had to describe the whole area (which kept gettig fuzzy by the second) it seems like a SHIT TON of dream footage.
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