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#i know we had to migrate at the time nd my mother is happier repressing her whole identity or whatever but it just sucks man
wingedbeings
·
3 years
Text
man i wish i could feel the gentle warmth of the sun on my skin w out experiencing syndromes
#both my mcas and trauma from racism just start acting out -_-
#also my pots and cfs/me do not apreciate the sun but its like auuh shes so nice
#also sunscreen i dont react to where -_- so tired of it i thought i finally found one i can actually put on my skin w out experiencing
#symptam of my mast cells dont know how to act
#its a baby sunscreen for babies w sensitive skin w out anything extra added so its like well what else it there left
#so funny btw learning that ive been experiencing anaphylaxis like a minimum of once weekly i just dont react to it n my throat hasnt closed
#up fully nor have i gone into cardiac arrest bc of just popping antihistamines like itsmy job
#like i was fully like oh this is just normal allergy symptam haha and my dr was like girl thats anaphylaxis
#like ouh okay well im alive soo
#not going to contact emergency services ever suck my ass every time i survive anything its by chance and it will continue to be
#besides -_- drs dont even treat u so its like what ever
#like too much ableism im not going to a hospital only to face more traumas induced by medical neglect and abuse like suck my nuts
#kio.exe
#also -_- so infuriated again abt being trapped in western society i genuinely cant take it anymore i hate it here
#white europe my detested genuinely i cant stand this life to be frank
#like u just cannot be urself unless u r white they dont even give u the option theres no resources etc
#i know we had to migrate at the time nd my mother is happier repressing her whole identity or whatever but it just sucks man
#she talks to me all the time about how much the society and culture here is so wrong and still she keeps repressing ours
#thebway she laughs at rhe racist jokes they make that are about her too just man that hits different
#many feelings abt transness too rn man it all sucks
#i need to change every aspect of my life to be even the littlest bit okay and its exhausting
#i dont have it in me to fight that much against everyone and the whole system that is mde to fail me in all ways
#i just want to wake up one day for eberyrhing to be okay
#but it would be impossible
#i just keep hoping delusionally that it isnt
#when i say delusionally i mean based in my delusions as a schizophrenic whos chronically psychotic btw not as a buzzword
#im somewhat lucid commonly ie aware enough to recognise my thinking is delusional unless i am actively having an episode but i still believe
#it and whatnot and also i will sooner die than tell anyone abt the details of my symptoms truthfully
#being tired of explaining myself vs the need to never be misunderstood vs the inability to put thoughts into correct words -_-
#going to need all of u to start being a little more psychic and simply know things w out me expressing them truthfully
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