#i know this wasn't will wood's intended meaning of the song but

[bismuth-209]

previously on this conversation on wild blue yonder (doctor who) featuring @rowanthestrange, @timetravelingsherlockian and me, we discussed things like "did the creatures turn into the ship?" "why was the tardis there?" "to what extent would the captain's plan have worked?" and mainly exploring the Captain's appearance as similar to the mari lwyd, but this post is trying to move the more creature focused discussion separate

SO.

The Doctor has ended up places where they don't save anyone/instead make everything worse (e.g. the First Doctor expanding the scope of the Daleks,"Waters of Mars", I'm pretty sure Five ended up in a few serials where his job was to witness everyone dying around him). I could see TARDIS logic of "I want those two to spend more time together, so I'll drop you off in a spot where there's double the Doctor and Donna!" Or even "we need you to start emotionally processing what happened with the Flux sometime this century." So it's possible all they were there to do was to hang out with their bestie and witness these beings' destruction. That being said, I'm not sure I'd conceptualize "nothing" as anywhere near "dead". A tree could fall in a forest, and it'd cease being a living tree—but one still would need to step over its trunk, ants would nibble and skitter under its bark, fungi spores would sneak between its growth rings, foxes would huddle under the exposed root ball. The tree would no longer be able to impose its will of "grow as tall as possible for as long as possible and photosynthesize"—yet a new forest would emerge from it. (Forestry experts tell you not to remove downed trees from the forest for this reason.) The fungi spores were there when the tree was alive, but living trees release antifungals to keep them from growing, imposing the tree's will of "protect the living bark and wood" on other creatures. The tree's death releases this will, and the fungi can now prosper from the wood. The problem of the mirror-beings wasn't that they were copies or existed—Doctor Who has loudly and proudly been shouting "clone rights!" for at least 15 years—it was that they couldn't see beyond a mission of destruction of all things. The universe didn't need the edge-beings to stop existing as much as it needed to break the sway of their will—i.e. death.

you are RIGHT saying that death isn't the end. like the being said in the episode: "things keep existing when they're gone". it was a realisation, but i think they might've been like "when i'm gone i keep existing too, so of course the tie itself would too"

the edgebeings want destruction. does that mean eviscerating the trees of the universe? or does it mean cutting them down to let a different form of life take root? to let something else grow?

and @timetravelingsherlockian also said this in the replies of that other post:

I am deathly (pun intended) curious if/how/whether the entities dying relates to the salt (given the ghosts/vampires/undead connotations of the superstition). Your proposition that they could be mirroring the ship itself is still making me crawl through the walls.

which is a GOOD point. the entities got scary teeth after being called vampires etc. would that have altered their mortality as well?

my initial theory that they were a bit of Becoming from the birth of the universe that hadn't Become yet also feels worth mentioning somewhere on this new post.

they also worked with expectations initially. Donna expected to see the doctor walk back into the room, not that soon, but she did, and she expected him to talk.

the doctor expected Donna, and expected her to listen (the most basic function of a companion is to be explained things, even if the doctor knows each is so much more than that, that's the basics), and the edgebeing that was donna said very little.

also something i think is important, wild blue yonder, the song, is a war song, or a jolly exploration song. the doctor sees the universe as something to jolly-ily explore, the edgebeings saw it as war

#doctor who #wild blue yonder #doctor who meta #dw meta #doctor who spoilers #60th anniversary #dw spoilers #edgebeings #is anyone clear what their name is

[brucewaynehater101]

Thoughts on Frozen Pines by Lord Huron being RR!Tim’s theme song?

I’ve been obsessed with this song for a few months and only really realized how well it goes with Red Robin. At least some of the lyrics, I’m not smart enough to connect everything 😭

Obv the vibe doesn’t fit him, but the words??

“And I look up to the sky / And I know you’re still alive”

“On the night you disappeared, oh if I had seen it clear / but a strange light in the sky / was shining bright into my eyes”

“Oh I don’t want to be the only one living / when all of my friends are gone”

Thank you for the song rec! It's been added to one of my playlists ^^

I do really like the lyrics and how they could connect to Tim's RR run. Not sure if you were asking for a song analysis, but that's what this is going to be :)

The song analysis is not by what the song intended, but just how it can fit Tim.

"Deep into the night with the moonlight as my guide, I go wander through the pines and make my way to nature's shrine."

When the song references pines, mountainside, and more location imagery, I'm taking it to mean a reflection of Tim's mind. He's alone, in the woods, at night. Moonlight, Bruce, guides him.

Nature shrines are typically stone structures thought to hold gods, spirits or "their statues, symbols, holy objects, or relics are enshrined." At least that's what Google says. I think that perfectly fits the cave Tim travels to that finally proves, without doubt, that Bruce is alive. Bruce, in this, would be Tim's guiding spirit and the shrine holds the relic of his mentor.

"And I look up to the sky, and I know you're still alive. But I wonder where you are. I call your name into the dark."

Throughout RR, Tim talks a ton about Bruce. He misses him and wants him home. I think these lyrics would capture the scene where Tim, after defeating Ra's and being pushed out a window, says he knows Bruce will proud of him.

"I wake up in the morning, oh, and I don't know where I've been. All alone on a mountainside, and I'm huddled in the wind."

Imagine this as him waking up after Dicm caught him. He thought he was going to die but didn't. I bet Tim is trauma repressing his RR run. He was alone, with no support, as he desperately tried to protect himself against the "wind." He wanted his dad and crossed many lines for that end.

"And it feels like I've been away for an era, but nothing has changed at all."

Tim changed. He went through absolute hell for his end, and he returns to Gotham being the same as always.

"And it feels like I've been with you, oh, but what did we do, and where have you gone?"

Bruce, though the signs he left behind, was "there" with Tim, but not really. Tim crossed lines he never would have if Bruce hadn't left.

"On the night you disappeared, oh, if I had seen it clear, but a strange light in the sky was shining right into my eyes."

Tim probably wishes he could've stopped Bruce from disappearing. He probably wishes he could have seen the signs. Yet, he wasn't there for that battle. He had his own responsibilities, Gotham (and the Bat signal being the light), that distracted him.

"There was no one else in sight. Just the endless frozen pines, but I wonder all they know. 'Cause they don't die and they don't grow."

Tim was alone (pretty much) for his RR run. You can tie the pines to Ra's with this line, or you could use it as symbolic references to Tim's mental state. Tim, alone, in nature. The pines, perhaps the impressions of his mentor, are endless. Yet, he's not done learning from Bruce. He's stuck with what he has of Bruce until he saves his mentor.

"I am ready to follow you even though I don't know where. I will wait in the night until you decide to take me there. 'Cause I know I don't wanna stay here forever. It's time to be movin' on."

Tim is following the signs Bruce leaves behind. He is willing to tank his reputation (not really his fault) and relationships for this end. He doesn't want to be without his dad. If that means giving up Robin, that's what he will do.

"Oh, I don't want to be the only one living. When all of my friends are gone, I will be waiting for you on the other side of the frozen pines. I'm gonna find a way through. There's another life beyond the line."

Tim has lost so many people. Does he have to lose his second dad as well? He doesn't want to be alone. He'll wait for Bruce to return, but he'll go through the pines to get there. Bruce will need to meet him there, but his dad is there. His dad will meet him if Tim is able to save him.

Anyways, I didn't flesh out the pines metaphor enough, but hopefully that covers it. I'm sure my previous lit teacher would be ashamed of me, lol. This was a lot of fun!!! Thanks for the thought and song ^^

#dc comics #dc universe #tim drake #dc red robin #thank you for the ask!!!!

[k0kichiimagines]

GE!saeran w a suicidal partner...except the signs are subtle? like before he started recovering mc would make jokes like "i feel im gonna kms," "i feel like jumping off.." yada yada??

hurt/comfort

of course <3 i hope you're having a good day nonnie

[GE] saeran x reader

[we're not out of the tunnel yet]

TW : this work surrounds suicide and suicidal thoughts

i didn't put a community label on it because im still unsure what topics to use them for but pls lmk if you think i should !!

"I'm going to kill myself~" You hummed softly to yourself, in the similar way to how you'd sing your favourite songs while cleaning or working. The object in your hands simply wasn't cooperating, and while perhaps the average person would only get slightly irritated at such an ordeal, when everything in your mind is a constant wreck even the smallest thing going wrong is enough to make you hate yourself. You weren't going to cry, you'd feel too silly to shed tears over something like this, but you certainly were not happy, forcing a smile as you continued your self written song.

You'd assumed Saeran was elsewhere, he'd been typing away on his laptop the last you'd seen him, still overworking himself non stop to find out where the hell Saeyoung was. You'd made such jokes and songs often, but usually when you'd presumed him to be out of earshot, or quickly brushed them off when he'd frowned slightly and told you not to say that.

Only a week prior had seen you both in that little cabin in the woods, if you removed the situation surrounding you both it had been a nice place, you'd made a note to suggest visiting something similar one day in the future. Future. It was strange, you weren't one to plan for the future, or maybe you were one to desperately give yourself things for the future, things to reach to keep you going. Either way, you'd never planned in this way before. It was nice.

You wished to confine in him about the state of your mind, but you could write down a thousand and one reasons as to why you wouldn't dare. He's suffering himself, you'd feel like a burden, you'd only worry him, it wasn't too bad, you could push through it and ignore it. But that doesn't stop you sometimes, just for a single second, imagining his arms around you, his soft voice. It's a fantasy to think sweet words and honest kisses would cure you, to think him promising you it would be okay would fix you, would clean you up. But knowing that doesn't stop you dreaming it. Doesn't stop you selfishly wanting him to carry you in his arms and erase all the agony in your mind. But he would make it easier to bare, wouldn't he? No use for such thoughts. Don't be silly. Think of him. Think of how you'd stress him.

"Ugh, come on, this is my thirteen reason just work already-!" You were cut off by your adoring lover carefully taking the item from you and fixing the situation quickly, you jumped slightly in surprise and felt guilt yourself in way he seemed worried and guilty at your reaction. "I thought you were still in the sitting room." You reassured him, moving closer. You weren't afraid of him, that was in the past.

But he didn't return your smile, hesitating when he returned the item to you. "My love…" he paused, clearly being incredibly careful in choosing his next words. "Those jokes you make…"

"Saeran." You place the box aside, and quickly cup his face. He stares at you, nothing but love and concern for you. You stammer - how can you look him in the face and lie to him? You can lie to the whole world, but never him. "Don't worry about me." He frowns at your words, but you speak again quickly, too quickly. "Please, it's okay, I'm okay. If they make you uncomfortable I'll stop saying them. I kind of say it without thinking but I'll-"

"You say them without thinking?"

You freeze slightly. He's sharp, he'd work out the underlying meaning you hadn't intended. "N-not like that, but…" Your mind is blank, struggling to find an excuse that isn't a full out lie but isn't the complete truth either. "Uhm…".

An uncomfortable silence falls. In all the time you've known him, you've never felt this awkward and scared around him.

"Why don't you want to tell me?" His voice is quiet. He's barely started recovering, he has a million fears running around his mind, but he won't say a word of them.

"I don't want you to worry about me."

"Why not?"

"Because I'll feel bad." You confess. "If you stress about me and have to constantly pick me up… it'll be exhausting for you. I don't want to put that weight on you."

He closes his eyes and takes a breath. You expected him to be hurt, maybe annoyed - but he just looks sad. He looks sad. Sad for you.

You've made him upset.

"I'm sorr-"

"Don't you dare apologise." his words are sharp, but his voice is tender as always. "Don't you dare, never apologise." He pulls you into an embrace, arms tightly holding you. You relax, relax because he's holding your weight, he's got you safe. "It breaks my heart to think of you suffering, and it breaks it even more to think of you carrying it alone. My love, my life, your pain won't wear me down. I wish I could take it away, I wish you never had to shed a tear again, but I can't." He sits, you still in his embrace and now being pulled down with him. He cradles your body, positioning you to look at his face, eyes damp. "The idea of losing you…" He takes another breath. "I don't want to imagine it. I won't let you do that. If you'll let me, I'll do my best to support you, to care for you, I promised you and myself that I'd always love you."

"Saeran...I'm afraid."

"Of what?" although, perhaps he already knows. He just wants you to vocalise it, to use your voice rather then have him assume.

"Of getting better. It seems silly… but… it's so terrifying. The idea of having to change, to put the work in."

"It's not silly. I was paralyzed with fear when I was changing, I turned my fear to rage and took it out on you… but in the end I did it. It's not easy, every day is a struggle, I'm not aiming to 'be better', I'm just learning to live with it. For myself. I could do it because I knew… I know you're there to support me. So… don't do it alone. You're the only one who can change yourself, but that doesn't mean you should suffer alone." He holds out his pinkie finger to you. You stare at him questioningly. "We're both suffering. Let's make a promise, a promise to pick the other up, a promise to try, a promise to never…" He struggles to find the right wording that isn't blunt.

You latch your finger over his. "A promise to never give up. On ourselves and on each other." He brings your hands up to his lips and seals it with a kiss.

"To never give up." He moves to kiss your forehead. "You've made it this far. I'm proud of you for every day you made, and for all the ones I know you're strong enough to survive. My love."

#saeran x reader #ge saeran x reader #🍓... saeran #mystic messenger x reader #tw suicidal thoughts #tw suicide #saeran #msyme x reader

[freyaswolf]

For years, I lived in bewildered befuddlement regarding the musical musings of Taylor Swift. I usually listen to rock or metal, so her brand of pop was not a part of my usual lineup. However, I gained lovely friends here on Tumblr who swear by our Lady TayTay, so I decided I should check out her stuff. But there was SO MUCH, I didn't even know where to start. Luckily, my dearest mutual and actual friend, @idontgettechnology , took pity on me and made me the most amazing playlist to get me started. She titled it Taylor Swift 101, with a description of "Class is is session bish".

I spent today working my way through it, and it was a revelation! I took notes, cause that's what you're supposed to do in class, so here are my highlights from the 56 song playlist. I know I'm missing out on years of lore regarding TSwift, but I'm eager to learn. After a few more listens I may even be ready for the 201 level of this class lol

Notes below the cut, to save your scrolling thumb 😜

Ok, here we go! (I'm pretty sure these are in the intended order, and mostly these are first impressions)

1. Fifteen: wow, this took me straight back to highschool!

2. Teardrops on my Guitar: yep, I'm already hooked

3. Fearless: UGH!!!!

4. Tied Together with a Smile: FUCK!

5. Whitehorse: Holy shit!

6. Cold as You: DAMN!!!

7. You Belong with Me: (SCREAMING) I'm officially invested!

8. Stay Beautiful: 😍😍😍

9. That's The Way I Loved You: FUUUUUUCK!!!

10. Come Back, Be Here: I'm dead over this one ☠️

11. Sparks Fly: EHRMEHGHERD!!!

12. All Too Well: DUUUUUDE!!! I think this is about Jake Gyllenhaal? Also, OOOUUUUUCCCHHH, I can feel her pain!

13. Dear John: EW! Girl, he's a toxic ass narcissist! Babygirl, you need to ditch those boys, get you a girlfriend instead. I volunteer as tribute, or I would if I wasn't too old and boring lol

14. I Almost Do: 🥺🥺🥺🥺

15. Enchanted: Oh the feels!!! Also, my personal head canon is that this is about Chris Evans 😜

16. Red: oh boy, have I been here!

17. Long Live: THIS IS SUCH A GREAT SONG! OH MY HEART!

18. Blank Space: HA! I love this song!

19. Out of the Woods: girl does not have normal relationships

20. How You Get the Girl: OOOOF! I mean come on, she's literally giving instructions!

21. Bad Blood: Fuck you song if ever I heard one! "You made this mess, you know that right?" Kinda vibes

22. Clean: (hand over heart in salute) I feel you sis!

23. Wonderland: Love this! Also, who is this green eyed boy she keeps mentioning?!

24. Look at What You Made Me Do: love this! "Fine, now I'm the bad guy" vibes 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

25. This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! DUDE!!! LOVE THIS!!! 🤣

26. Gorgeous: Love this! UGH SHUT UP YOUR PRETTY FACE! Also about Chris Evans lol

27. Getaway Car: Damn, I've had a few of these, and yeah nothing good happens in a getaway car. Doomed! Lol

28. Dress: HOT!!!

29. New Years Day: Oh my heart!!!

30. The Man: FUCK YES!!!

31. The Archer: wow, exhausting/exhausted, this poor kid!

32. London Boy: FUCK. (This totally made me think of JQ) lol

33. Paper Rings: LOVE!!! ❤️❤️❤️

34. Cruel Summer: relatable lol

35. Cardigan: Sobbing 😭

36. Ivy: UGH! Made me cry!

37. Exile: FML. SOBBING. FR UGLY CRYING.

38. Champagne Problems: this girl needs a hug

39. Illicit Affairs: OUCH!

40. Coney Island: 🖤

41. Hoax: I am bereft. I feel like I just broke up with all of my exes at once.

42. Gold Rush: definitely about Chris Evans. Also the way I flirt, if you're too perfect, I avoid and ignore. And if I can't do that, I heckle.

43. Tis the Damn Season: FEEEEELS!!!

44. Mirrorball: she needs all of the hugs, and some real friends.

45. No Body, No Crime: I would absolutely hide bodies for her. I would die for her.

45. Betty: I have questions? Also, I 🖤 when she says fuck.

46: Evermore: I liked it, but I didn't have a definitive "note"

47. Antihero: HA!

48. Maroon: I really love it when she says fuck. It may be a new kink for me.

49. Lavender Haze: I really want her to get a girlfriend.

50. You're on Your Own Kid: SO GOOD!

51. Bejeweled: FUCK YES!!!

52. Mastermind: 😈😈😈 I've done this. This is me.

53. The Great War: bonded like war buddies lol

54. High Infidelity: Feels decidedly Hellcheery

55. Would've Could've Should've: DAAAAAMMMMNNN!!!!

56. Dear Reader: WOW

And I am SPENT! This was a rollercoaster of emotions, and I enjoyed the whole fucking time. I am now a ride or die T Swift fan. Dude, I had no idea. Thank you so much MJ for this guided tour, I had the best time today! 🥰

#my introduction to Taylor Swift #idontgettechnology #she loves me and she gives the best presents #taytay #tswift #taylor swift is amazing #and an angel #and we don't deserve her #i can't believe i just said that on the internet #i still also love Metallica though lol

[smoll-stace]

Almost 1200 words. And don't have names for the characters.

And as always blame it on 3am brain lol :3

She slammed her fists into the door with a growl that ended in a quiet slump of her shoulders. She tried the handle once more, just in case…. But no, it rattled in her hand uselessly not letting her back in. She slumped against the door, putting her head in her hands before pulling her fingers back through her short, brown, hair. 

At least it wasn't raining… that she could take comfort in. But if the weather didn't kill her, the sharp coolness in the air would. She was already shaking, she'd be a popsicle by morning. If she hadn't had to chase off that stupid racoon- she sighed heavily. 

It was times like these she wished she had neighbors, but all that surrounded her was thick trees filled with racoons, deer, foxes and who knows what else. A chill crept up her spine as she continued to stare into the shadowed pines. 

She jumped at the loud creak that came from the wooden swing she had built a few summers ago. Its weathered wood was in dear need of a fresh coat of paint. She got up and stumbled through the grass in her bare feet. She sat down pulling her legs up onto the swing and softly rocked her body which made her platform start to sway. 

The swing faced the woods, it was her dream to come out here in spring and sit down to read and sip her tea, every so often glancing up to the sound of bird song. But in the years she had it, not once she had been able to do it, life too busy, and other things more important.

Sounds whistled through the trees and she laid down starting up into the sky where she saw the universe swirling. The swing rocked for a while longer in the breeze, before slowing into a resting place. She looked toward the woods again and froze.

Two bright green eyes stared wide-eyed at her. They belonged to a huge crouching figure, merely a stone's throw away. She bolted up and shrieked, nearly falling off the swing in an attempt to get away. 

The huge being panicked as well, ducking back deeper into the trees, holding a finger to his lips as he frantically whispered.

"sh-sh-sh quiet please… I-I come in peace! I do not wish to harm you. Please just stop screaming…"  

She went quiet staring at him as she crouched behind the swing, not sure what to do. At least she had some distance now. Her heart was banging around her chest like a wild animal.  

"thank you…" He said with a weak smile.

He was positioned so that his face was pointed at her and his body slightly turned to the left. He seemed disoriented, every few seconds he would nervously look around him, like He was trying to find something familiar. He wore a face of someone timid, but eyes held a confidence the rest of him lacked. They were his most frightening feature, besides his size. 

She slowly stood up, hands badly trembling at her sides. She lifted one hand to clutch the back of the swing, which kept her upright. 

"I'm just confused, is all… didn't mean to bother you…" He said, trying to withdraw even deeper into the forest.

She swallowed her fear and attempted to speak.

"You lost?" It came out a lot more shaky than intended and she winced at the sound of it. 

He nodded with a sheepish glance down. 

"yeah I live around here… somewhere, just completely lost it a few turns back.. Now I'm all turned around and it's late." he sighed looking as frustrated as she had been when she realised she locked herself out. 

"This is funny…" she said with a shake of her head, letting herself relax a bit. 

"How so?" he said, sounding a bit grumpy. 

"I… I locked myself out of my house…" she said, smiling tiredly and walking around to the side of the swing, rubbing her arms at a sudden breeze that whistled across her skin.

"yeah that is funny, guess we're both in about the same predicament…" he said with a smirk that made her want to trust him a little more.

"Well, if you want, you can spend the night here…" she said, hesitantly taking another step past the swing. 

His eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Are you sure you don't mind?" He asked, tilting his head down at her.

"no- not at all." 

He slowly came out of the shadows revealing the rest of him. Casually dressed, but, like her, wore no shoes. He lowered himself from crouching to lay on his side, and saw her nervous wonderment and smirked. 

"I assume I'm the first giant you've ever seen?" 

"Is it that obvious?" she said with a smirk of her own.

She sat back down on the swing, rubbing her hands together as she tried to bring life back into her finger tips. She propped her legs up, wrapping her arms around them and leaning back against the wood that bit into her shoulder blades. 

"Are you cold?" she heard him whisper, so quiet it was barely above the wind, and somehow sent flutters through her. 

"nah I'm fine, it's just a chill, it'll pass soon." she said with a shrug.

"you're turning blue." he pointed out, concern creeping into his tone.

"it's just the moonlight playing tricks on your eyes- and anyways it's not like I could get a blanket or anything." she said with a sigh that turned white as it left her lips. 

"you're helping me, let me help you."

"How? Find a spare set of keys?"

"I had a different thing in mind… but not sure if you're gonna like it…" he said, frowning, his hand restlessly tapping. 

She raised an eyebrow, eyeing him skeptically. He stared back at her, watching eachother, daring the other to speak first till finally he reached his hand toward her, slowly, as not to startle her. She watched it get bigger as it drew closer, she swallowed to see it almost a foot away and about as big, if not bigger, then she was. She returned her gaze to the giant. Again they were both frozen, he looked conflicted and nervous.

"Please, don't scream, okay? I'll be gentle…" 

She didn't acknowledge his words, but she didn't run like her body was telling her to. She didn't scream as his large fingers swiftly picked her off the swing and into a loose hold. She couldn't seem to catch her breath as her heart sped again. She clutched his fingers as she was lifted higher, looking back to his face.

"see? I'm gentle.." he said calmly, more confident than before, as he curled his hand to his chest. 

She was already warm from her anxious heart, but nearly sank deeper into him as she felt the soft warmth that radiated off him. He loosen his grip to let her sink his palm without the restriction of his fingers.

"Good night," He whispered to her, as his eyes fell shut, but she was already asleep.

#gt #giant tiny #giant #gianttiny #tiny #gt community #gt fluff #giant tiny fluff #friendly giant #gentle giant #giant/tiny #Forest Giant #gt writing

[frommybookbook]

Cicadas

I don't typically write non-fiction but this piece has been rattling around in my brain (pun somewhat intended, you'll get it if you read it) for ages now so I finally put it to paper. I wasn't sure what to do with it so I'm throwing it up here. Light content warning for neurological conditions, specifically brain cysts and tinnitus.

I've always loved cicadas. In my mind, I associate them with the golden summers of my childhood—those late August days that burned into fall, urging me to wring every last drop of freedom out of them before going back to school. 

I found their big green bodies fascinating and beautiful, with their delicate wings and filament legs that still carried around such a substantial weight for an insect. The holes they left when they emerged from the ground were their own source of entertainment. I'd find tiny sticks and miniscule pebbles and fill them up, trying to imagine how deeply underground these strange creatures had been sleeping, just waiting for the summer sun to let them know it was time to wake up. 

I even loved the shells they left behind when their adult bodies broke free from their nymph forms. When I was really young, probably no more than 5, my grandpa and I would make a game of seeing how many intact shells we could find on our daily adventures on the farm. I'd scour the trees, hunting for their dull brown husks clinging to the bark, and then carefully pluck them free and carry them carefully to drop in Grandpa's outstretched hand. He'd take the best ones and hook them on the threads of my t-shirt, telling me they were my very special jewels and I'd wear them with such pride. 

But most of all, I loved the cicadas' song: the clattering hiss of the individuals coming together to make one rush of sound, thrumming from the trees as the perfect soundtrack to a summer afternoon. When I close my eyes and think of my childhood running wild in the Missouri woods, the cacophony is always there. To this day, hearing a cicada can instantly transport me from my home on the east coast back to those Midwestern summers. 

A little more than 18 months ago, doctors discovered I have a rare neurological condition called a colloid cyst of the third ventricle. It's a relatively benign condition, at least for the time being, and often goes undiagnosed for years, only being discovered by accident in the process of diagnosing other conditions, which is what happened in my case. Because of this, not much is known about these cysts and there's no real treatment. Doctors think these cysts form in utero, meaning I've likely had this condition—and its few symptoms—all my life and just didn't realize it. 

One of these symptoms, in fact the most common one, is pulsatile tinnitus, or hearing your heartbeat in your ears. When my doctor asked me if I experienced this, I told him I didn't know, what did that even mean? He shared how other patients have described it: a low whooshing sound, one that thrums and hums in regular time, like hearing a drum beat underwater. I told him yes, I hear that. Often. I thought everyone did. 

Recently, I heard the first cicadas of the summer. It made me so happy, I immediately began smiling and paused in my walk to just enjoy my favorite song. When I got home, I shared that it made my day with some friends in a private slack. One of those friends replied that she recently learned that she can't always distinguish the sound of cicadas from her own, regular tinnitus and it felt like my world tilted on its axis. 

It's possible that I've had pulsatile tinnitus my whole life. As a society, we spend so little time talking about our bodies with others and sharing our experiences. It's taboo to ask your friends "hey, do you hear things like this? do you feel these sensations? have you ever experienced this?" so we don't and we go on thinking everything is fine and normal because we have no other frame of reference. 

I don't know when I started to hear the thrumming whooshing in my ears. It's been a part of me as long as I can remember, just like my freckles and the birthmark on my thigh and the cowlick in my hair. 

And maybe that's why I've always loved the song of the cicadas. Because unconsciously I recognized their pulsing, thrumming, cacophony as the same sound rattling around in my body my whole life.

#laura writes #cicadas #personal #tw: brain cyst #it's not a coincidence that this week marks 2 years since i had the first indication something wasn't entirely normal in my head

[titanicfreija]

Stubborn Recovery

"I appreciate the effort, but I don't think I want to remember how to dance."

Sunny considered killing her guardian. Freija had either taken the idea to heart and mind somewhere or else had simply engaged in her usual enthusiasm around a new idea and therefore was overdoing it, but the result consisted of a wide collection of music samples that Thomas helped her put together without telling her, at any point, the degree of overkill and lack of necessity.

Easily six terabytes of data sat in the metal cube on the table, next to a speaker and what looked like Thomas's handiwork on either a converter, adapter, or both to plug them in together. Any intended interface was hidden.

"I won't look," Freija promised. "If I tell you it's for me to listen to, will you put up with it?"

"I have every song I could possibly have in my active memory right now," Sunny told her. "If I wanted music and dancing, I could play it and dance whenever I wanted."

"You forgot wanting to," the guardian told her, as though she would know. "You can't freak out because my entire life is war and then act like this when I drag you with me to fix it. Dancing is fun. We all like dancing. We can dance whenever and wherever, it's not like drawing."

Sunny couldn't argue but she didn't want to dance, she didn't feel like dancing and doubted she would ever again. She also didn't want to leave Freija's side right now, having developed a weird sense of distance even when there wasn't one.

"Just show me? I've seen a few ghosts do what I would call dancing but not you. Most pulse with a strong beat, like humans nodding and tapping, and a couple that liked to windmill and spin. Do you need a different shell?"

Sunny dropped a foot in exasperation. "I don't want to!"

"Fine, then the music is for me," Freija announced. "And I'm staying in all day doing the wood burning thing, so you're stuck listening to it unless you go somewhere."

Sunny knocked a cup off the table in the kitchen as she retreated to the top of the fridge, frustrated with her guardian.

~

Watching Freija do "the wood burning thing" wasn't as boring nor frustrating to Sunny as she expected. Watching Freija do things wrong usually frustrated Sunny until she accepted Freija's... Freija.

But this time the refusal to do it properly and to adapt the method to her available skill and tools meant a whole new effect, and she could draw things that fell short of realistic but still captured the intended result. Mostly. She also taught herself to heat small metal pieces around the house, like a shotgun shell casing and a nail, for fine detail.

While she was at that, she played music.

The breadth of the collection spanned about a hundred years pre-collapse with a few pre-golden age works remastered; cultural stuff from smaller localities; children's songs; and a variety of golden age pop music, including from a genre Sunny could only call Bubblegum after a massive argument with Rex (that she lost because he knew what bubblegum was, historically).

Rex couldn't have snitched, could he?

Freija knew, too, that it would work-- Sunny saw her interest in the burning wood waning as a cheerful, bouncing song played. Sunny knew that because she peeked at her guardian to see if she noticed.

The ghost knew putting on the Hareball shell was an announcement of her failure, but it was that or give in without a fight. Freija took the victory and settled back into the couch with her art.

Unfortunately, that didn't mean Sunny would be left alone. "Why don't you want to cheer up? You want to be upset?"

Rex did snitch. He almost never came home but apparently did just for this occasion.

The ghost in his tall blue shell hovered still in the air, pieces slowly revolving around his body about an inch off. "A hundred years ago, this song would have you bouncing all over the Tower, more suited to your ears then than now."

"A hundred years ago, I was still lonely and wandering," she grumped. "How could you?"

"She loves you and wants what's best for you, even if she has no idea what that is," Rex replied dryly. "I refuse to be a good person, but that's no reason to leave flail someone that I know means well for a friend."

Sunny thought about it, then decided to follow through, and she bonked Rex with an ear without a word, returning to the fridge to sulk.

"Perhaps it is my limited perspective, but your guardian is making it sound like you've lost faith in the fight."

"In a sense. It's just a very broad feeling of 'what am I even doing' and then when I look at all of it, I see a lot of smoke and hear Freija screaming and the burning and blood, and I just... It sucks. I hate it."

Rex followed her up. "Do you know how long it has been since you visited the Ramen shelf?"

"No."

"Almost a year. And despite this, Harmony and This One came by to look for you. They haven't seen you in months, either. Not since the Games, and only briefly then. You've all but vanished in half a year. If you weren't burned out when you left, it is perfectly possible for you to be burned out now."

"What would you know about burning out?"

"Thomas burns out in days, I am fully cognizant of the exhaustion of will to care and force one through motions when the reason why or sight of effect has been lost. I have not yet learned how to correct this, but I know a stubborn recovery when I see it."

Sunny huffed.

"Therefore, I put forth my diagnosis as burnout, and I recommend you listen to your guardian. She's stupid, I will not spare you that judgement, but she wants to help you because she loves you, and she's had a few pulls in the right directions. You would do better to accept the help."

She didn't quite hear what he said after that, somehow obscuring the word behind an electric gurgle.

"What?"

Rex hovered away and made the noise again, but this time Sunny caught, "besides" and "dancer".

"You have a voice modulator, and we share a commlink, you're doing that on purpose!"

He didn't respond until well after Sunny gave up on getting one. Probably sitting on the Ramen shelf.

"Besides, you're not a bad dancer."

War Drums (med-long)

Lost (long)

No comfort (long)

Real Purpose (long)

Slipped Truth (med)

Still Sulking (med)

Stubborn Recovery (med)<-

Freija's Waltz (short)

#destiny 2 #d2 #ocs #writing #freija #sunny #rex #music #dancing

[yoonpobs]

we don't talk together | myg

pairing: min yoongi x oc

genre: angst, hurt/comfort, growth! exes that remain exes

words: 2, 842

summary: it's hard to say it's over

What they don't tell you about goodbyes is that it isn't the end.

It's far from the closing of a book. Goodbyes are the itch that urges you to pick up an old book from the shelf just to feel what you first felt when you re-read certain parts of a book; the same remorse you felt when a character you grew attached to didn't get the ending they deserved. Or, maybe it was the villain that was misunderstood—your own heart wishing to reach out to the sad soul that couldn't even be recognised when all they do is speak.

But some books will end up dusty, forgotten, tucked away in the corner of your shelf; or in the most drastic of cases: lost.

"The park looks ... different," Yoongi speaks up for a lack of a better conversation starter.

You hum. What would you say? That it wasn't the same from when we used to spend our Spring's blended into Summer's until it got too hot for us to lay in each other's embrace?

It was still too fresh even though it's been nearly a year.

"There are more dogs," You point out the moment a tan pomeranian runs past the two of you, the owner an old couple laughing away under the cherry blossoms.

He nods, fingers stuffed in his trench coat. You note that it's the same one he wore on your anniversary, plans abandoned when there was a mix-up with the reservations until the two of you stumbled across a hidden gem that soon became your go-to date place.

You will yourself to look away so no more memories can resurface. It seems like every part of your life has somehow seamlessly intertwined itself with traces of Yoongi that it was impossible for you to exist as just yourself.

"How are things at the firm?" He asks after the two of you walked side-by-side in complete silence as more and more chatter fill your ears.

"It's ... going," You chuckle dryly.

Yoongi raises an eyebrow at you, shooting you a brief glance over until the two of you reach a bench. You dare say it's muscle memory that dragged your heavy feet into the direction of the only bench that you've known in the park. The compressed reminder of the initials of your names that you carved as teenagers likely still staining the years old wood. It was meant to be an emblem for wisdom, the ring of growth that meant to be the endgame for the two of you.

You almost laugh in bitterness and how literal the metaphor was.

"Everything okay?"

Yoongi takes the first step to sit on the bench because he always did. Ever the gentlemen when he opened doors for you, let you into the car first, waited until you stepped ahead of him to trail behind like a shield.

The first date, first kiss, first confession.

The first one to decide that it was over.

"My boss is just being sexist, as usual. I thought I'd get used to it after spending two years there but ... there are some things that you just stay unfamiliar, you know?"

It was very like you to speak in double-entendres without intending to. But it was also like Yoongi to pick up on it, especially after years of learning all the best and worst parts of you; he was and probably will be one of the few people in your lives that will always foresee your next move.

The two of you sit a fair distance apart on the bench even if it was a battle for space anyway. You didn't have the liberty to lean into his embrace anymore and he wasn't in the position to say that it was okay for you to breathe, to relax.

"You shouldn't get used to those remarks. There are times where you learn to grow used to constructive criticism but if what he's saying makes you question your worth because of very arbitrary reasons like your gender then that isn't criticism, nor is it constructive. It's bigoted and chauvinistic."

You look down to your thumbs as you fiddle with it, his words comforting you. It was woeful that you still chased validation from him even after learning to be that person to yourself.

"Yeah, I guess."

Then how did you get used to things?

If time didn't make things familiar then what did? Was it not the five years with Yoongi that led you to see him build an empire for himself all the while destroying the relationship that you had? Or was it because he was the person that you thought of doing the most minuscule things?

"By the way," He clears his throat, eyes still set forward, "Namjoon says hi."

You raise an eyebrow, surprised to hear the name of a mutual friend—or more appropriately, friend by association and acquaintance when that link was broken.

"He knows that you're with me?"

Yoongi nods his head.

"I needed to let someone at the studio know and ... well, he's the only one that knew of our situation."

You chuckle bitterly.

Of course. The suggestion of his work only made your heart drop because as much as you wanted to be supportive of him, even after the break-up, the name of his studio or songs only reminded you of the battle that you helplessly lost.

"You can tell him that I'm still a text or phone call away. No need to play messenger," You return.

The atmosphere is more reflective than awkward. You know that the two of you had your pieces to say, your own narrative to tell but neither brave enough to break the calm that you were settled in. It was a nice difference from the way that things ended, and you supposed that you were similar enough to believe in a mirage than the inevitable truth.

But you didn't call him out after six months to sit in silence to walk away with your heart feeling heavier, nor did you invite him out just to remember what it feels like to have him next to you—even in complete silence.

"Would you have really quit?"

This time, you gather all the bravery that you've built over the past few months to ask the question that has been mulling in your mind since the night you decided that it was officially over.

It was a painful break-up. Even if you expected it when Yoongi came home earlier one night with bags under his eyes and his keys that he usually left at the studio because he knew you'd always be home to open the door for him.

"I'm sorry?" He seems taken aback.

You don't blame him. You've always been more passive in dealing with confrontation due to your conflict-averse nature—but that didn't mean you didn't get angry or annoyed—or hurt. But if you learned anything, it was to stop asking yourself questions that you'll never have the answer to.

"Would you really have left the company to save our relationship?"

You chose your words carefully. Instead of saying to be with you, knowing that he lost the love, he had for you somewhere along the way—you point out the one hole that he held on to for the sake of stability. The one thing that was constant in his life with how unpredictable the music industry was.

"Yes."

Somehow, the answer doesn't make you feel better because even with time apart you knew he was lying to save your face.

"You don't owe me anything to lie to my face, Yoongi." You frown.

Yoongi sighs, rubbing his hands across his face as he leaves your statement hanging in the air to mull over his answer.

You prefer the silence that way. It showed that he was at least listening, or cared enough to decide his next set of words. Nothing like how much it pained you to acknowledge the responses you got from him when you were crying were just out of obligation than sincerity.

"No, I wouldn't have."

You nod your head, expectant of the answer but you needed to hear him say it himself rather than drowning yourself in ruminating thoughts of how there was still a semblance of hope that he would've given it up for you, for your relationship—or the life that you were meant to build.

"I wouldn't have asked you to, anyway." You confess.

Yoongi turns his head to look at you and for the first time since you've met at the park, he notices the absence of a necklace around your neck. The necklace that you never took off. He wants to comment on it, ask where it went or if you've pawned it off out of pettiness but he held no remorse towards you. You were tolerant with the break-up even as you sucked in your tears when he knew that it killed you on the inside. Yoongi didn't have the heart in him to ask you.

"Oh."

"You were the one that said you'd quit so we could stay together," You say softly.

Yoongi doesn't respond as he looks back to the night where the two of you sat down to talk about the standing of your relationship. It was a rollercoaster of emotions that started off with an amicable discussion that eventually led to the two of you yelling until you surrendered to your tears and just left the battle completely.

He said a lot of things that night. From things that he's been bottling up for months, to things that he's always wanted to tell you and things that he didn't remotely mean, and things that he's regretted the moment it left his lips.

"I guess I did."

You sigh, leaning back into the bench as you observe a couple walking in front of you, passing your bench as they share an ice cream on a cone; bickering on who'd get the first lick. To anyone, you and Yoongi would've looked just like a couple that has reached a comfortable point in your relationship where intimacy was just sitting next to one another.

But you admit, there was something oddly intimate and heart-breaking about sitting next to someone you've loved with your whole heart and feel nothing but ... weightlessness. Like the burden of your concerns was lifted ever so slightly just being here.

"I wouldn't have made you choose between your relationship or your dream, Yoongi. I would never have done that to you."

Yoongi knew you would never have made him do something as abhorrent as that. You were far too understanding. But you had wanted from him too, that he wasn't willing to provide just yet. He didn't know if it was because of the expiration date to your relationship or because of the stress he was under at work—but he convinced himself that it was you that was asking for too much instead of him compromising too little.

"I ... I know," He whispers, "I'm sorry."

You purse your lips. You try not to let your emotions appear on your sleeve. You were tired of allowing your face to speak before you did. You needed to use the voice you had.

"I loved you so much, Yoongi," You murmur, "I loved you so much that I would have taken anything I could've gotten with you just so I could be with you."

Yoongi stays silent at this.

"I didn't mind if you spent more time at work than at our home. I just wanted to know if I was ever in the picture when you were talking about the future. I know how much you love music and I supported you through every audition and failure ... and to know that I was just—" You swallow, the words still painful to say. But you needed to make your peace with it, "—that I was just someone that would wait for you instead of your partner. That's when I knew that you didn't love me the way I loved you."

Yoongi chokes to speak up but you shake your head.

"No, Yoongi. You loved me, you did. But somewhere along the way you stopped and you just pretended that we were okay even when I was trying my best to fix the seams. I wasn't your girlfriend anymore, I was just someone familiar to you and I didn't deserve to feel that way." You tell him sternly.

Yoongi surrenders to his silence as you take a deep breath to continue.

"Maybe I loved you too much in a way that you couldn't understand."

"_______, don't say that—" His eyes widen when he tries to reach a hand to yours to comfort you, but your body language remains stoic as you keep your hands in your lap.

"—and that's okay Yoongi. I loved you but not in the way you needed. I'm not here to make you feel bad about what I chose to do on my own because it wasn't my fault that I couldn't be what you need." You say sadly, but a small smile on your face as you finally say the words that have been eating at you for months.

"... okay," Yoongi accepts.

"We all have different ways to love and be loved. I loved you and that was enough for you at one point but love isn't all a relationship needs. You loved me too, in your own way and I accepted that but just because it was enough for me doesn't mean it was enough for us." You glance over at him to see him staring at you intently.

"I'm sorry that things turned out this way," Yoongi says softly, eyes gentle.

You wave him off.

"I don't think I'll ever love someone as much as I loved you, though," He confesses, eyes returning to the scene in front of him filled with different colours of life that seemed to look vibrant under the Spring sunset.

You shake your head and chuckle softly.

"You say that now but you'll meet someone one day and you'll remember all the reasons why you love in the first place. And it'll be enough for you, and them."

He shrugs, a small smile itching on his face.

"I really did love you," He says, "But I'm sorry for not being honest with you. I owe you that much of an apology."

"We're not here to forgive or forget, Yoongi," You look at him kindly, "We're here to move on."

He purses his lips and hums, nodding his head.

"I hope you get that promotion at work you were talking about months ago, ______." Yoongi offers, a gentle grin marring his face.

"I did," You shrug.

It feels liberating to have achieved something and only feeling content by acknowledging it yourself. Months ago, you would've hurt at the fact that Yoongi didn't know. But the change you welcomed after the end only showed you that there was a new path for you to walk on.

His eyes widen, but eventually, he chuckles and shakes his head, muttering something under his breath that sounded a lot like knew it.

You push yourself off the bench, dusting your hands on your pants as you offer him one last smile before you say goodbye for the second time.

"I hope you find someone who you'll love more than you ever did with me." You tease.

He rolls his eyes.

"Impossible," The grin on his face is easy, and your heart still clenches at the nonchalance, but you don't expect the feeling to go away so easily—nor do you mind. It just shows that you needed to wait and that you were willing to do it.

"Of course you will. You're a musician, Yoongi. You need a muse," You smirk at him as you turn around, a small wave on your hand to say goodbye.

As you walk away and his body gets smaller and smaller from your vision, you turn around to say:

"We don't talk together is a beautiful song."

Yoongi's smile is genuine, and so is his goodbye. A gentle acknowledgment of his hand as he stands up himself, walking to the other direction of where you were headed.

You still had a love for Yoongi, and you suppose you always will. Just like how you would feel pleasant when rediscovering a childhood hobby that triggers a fond memory, or how you love different things in your life in different ways. Whether or not you love someone more than you've ever loved Yoongi isn't your concern, because when love comes in one form, it goes in another.

When you still take the same route you'd usually take with Yoongi after your walks back home, you pass the cafe you used to frequent to see that it's replaced with a new bar. You smile fondly to yourself, shaking your head.

You loved that place.

But eventually, you'll find another cafe with a beautiful interior and a latte to match, and you'll love it too.

#bts fic #bts imagine #bts fics #bts imagines #bts yoongi #bts fluff #bts angst #yoongi x reader #yoongi fluff #yoongi angst #yoongi exes #yoongi imagine #yoongi fic #yoongi breakup #angst #fluff #yoongi #min yoongi x reader

[oncexinxmyxdreams]

Christmas Thoughts

(Prequel to A Christmas Memory which I did last year. Seems like you folks like the headcanons I've made for Peter's mom so here's a holiday ficlet.)

"Don't get upset. He's trying his best to take care of us even if that means being away most of the time."

At least that's what Lydia kept telling herself. She kept repeating that motto when she woke up that morning and went downstairs to start breakfast. She kept the motto going when she got dressed in her favorite dark green dress and black flats. She settled down on the piano bench knowing music could quiet those thoughts. She flipped through the music book of carols looking for her favorites. It wasn't the first Christmas that her husband wasn't there, but she'd hoped that'd change. She hoped it'd change when...they had Peter. Her son was now two and busying himself with his presents, both of them.

Lydia couldn't afford much this year. She couldn't even get him new clothes this time which meant Peter spent his holiday in corduroy slacks that were getting short, shoes that were getting worn and a simple shirt. She purchased a box of crayons and a little wood train that could be pulled by a rope. She smiled glancing at the floor seeing the sheets of paper with colorful scribbles. He'd gone to town with the crayons and was going through the living room and kitchen with his train. At least he was having fun.

Lydia gave her knuckles a quick crack (as she liked to do before piano playing) and started with Let It Snow which seemed appropriate since it was snowing outside. Her delicate fingers danced over the keys without missing a note.

Her thoughts were dimmed, but she could still here them. She didn't hesitate to the next one: Winter Wonderland. It stirred up memories of earlier that day. After opening presents and eating cinnamon rolls for breakfast, she bundled up Peter and they played outside. She pushed him on the little swing that was attached to one of the trees in their yard. She showed him how to make snow angels though he just kept falling backwards and hopping back up while giggling. They built a snowman which almost wore Lydia out. She intended it to be small, but Peter kept squealing "Make it bigger Mama!" By the time it was over, she'd made a snowman almost as tall her. (She used sticks and pebbles for accessories.) It was so fun...and Jim had missed it. He was missing out on making memories for Peter's childhood.

The new thought put a lump in Lydia's throat. She kept playing through her favorites: God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, The First Noel and Angels We Have Heard on High. Yes, that was helping more as her fingers ran over the ivory and ebony. Then another sad thought came up when she turned to her next favorite, The Wexford Carol. It was an old Irish song and one that her family loved since it was connected to their culture.

"They aren't here," she thought.

She still played it, but her eyes blurred with tears. She missed her brothers, all of eight of them. Her parents. The tradition of her playing piano for the family while they all sang. The tough, but still beautiful winters of Montana while living in their cozy farmhouse. She missed it all. Her family didn't talk to her anymore because they despised Jim. They hadn't responded when Peter was born and still hadn't acknowledged him.

When she finished the carol, she had to pause and take a shaky breath. She didn't want to cry on Christmas. She didn't want Peter to see and then he'd cry.

"Mama?" That sweet little voice she adored caught her attention. Peter's small hand was on tugging on the hem of her dress. His emerald green eyes, identical to hers, looked back up with happiness.

"What is it Honey?" Lydia asked as a smile began to form.

"Snow!" He said and pointed at the window that was next to the piano.

"Yes," Lydia chuckled. "It's still snowing." She lifted him up to her side and he snuggled into her lap.

"It pretty," he said pointing back to the window.

"Yes," Lydia agreed. "It is pretty."

For a couple minutes, they just sat there looking out the window. Something about Peter cuddling next to her, looking at snowflakes and the warmth of the house made Lydia's raw feelings start mending. Suddenly Peter smacked his hands against the keys and played random notes.

"Peter," Lydia laughed. Her son gave that witty grin that she loved. If she didn't know better, she'd say it was the grin of a future smart aleck. He ran his palms over the keys making the notes comedically slide. "You think you're Mozart or Beethoven, don't you?"

"Yes," he said so blunt, but charming.

"Silly," Lydia laughed and wrapped her arms around to give him a squeeze. "I'll show you piano playing."

With Peter still sitting in her lap, she played a song that had only been released a couple years ago, Jingle Bell Rock. The negativity melted away. It would be like that for more Christmases to come and it would be her son's first Christmas memory.

Lydia didn't know it, but it would be one of the few good memories of Christmas for her son. It'd be one of the very few good memories as he grew older and after her untimely passing. It'd take a long before they got better: making new friends and after getting a unique job in the paranormal field. Perhaps one of the best was when he spent an unexpected Christmas with his own two year old daughter and they watched the snow fall together...just like Lydia and Peter did.

#the real ghostbusters #peter venkman #lydia venkman #mama venkman #fanfic #fanfiction #rgb fic #RGB: Christmas Thoughts

[guigz1-coldwar]

'One bullet' : New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

'One bullet'

"Sometimes, I just want to be in an peaceful place with only you and no more work to stress us for good !"

Chapter Summary : After having an talk with Lazar's vision, Yirina is finally feeling determined to avenge her fallen friend and face Naga.....

To read it on AO3, click here !

Words : +3600

------------------------------------------------------------------

Lazar...He is far more different than Adler and when I saw him even if it was only an vision, I know that I could have an better talk with him, knowing that his words towards me will bring me some kind of hope I'm trying to find in myself since the crash, something that's giving an chance to give Garrett the retribution to kill every man serving under Naga's cartel and every Perseus soldier also protecting him. Our discussion couldn't last too many time and it was in an bit of sadness to see Lazar vanish in front of my eyes before I could reconcentrate myself.

Before actually leaving the place to get myself deeper in the jungle, I have to check the map to see where the house was and what direction I needed to take to get to Naga's HQ without trying to make too much noises along the way as we were close to Naga and I was alone without any means to contact the others. With that in mind and after finishing to check the map, I was in my way to get to Naga's HQ, ready to find Adler & avenge Garrett above all, it has to be done.

During my walk through the jungle on an little dirt path that was indicated on the map, I was wondering if the radio I stoled from the first patrol that wanted to check the crash, was going to emit at one moment, been shut down since I taunted Naga himself over it in an moment of rage. I have maybe blow out an chance to know more about what are Naga's moves in the area but I will now know as I was arriving next to his HQ.

"Shit, an sniper's nest." I whispered to myself as I was arriving at the end of the dirt path, marked on the map that was actually leading to an little place guarded by an sniper. "Gotta use my knife." I took out my knife of my boot, slowly advancing to get behind the guy and then, I moved to stab right in the neck side, getting my left hand on his mouth.

"Mmfff..." His voice was hopefully muffled by my hand, avoiding him to scream and to reveal to his friends that someone was getting killed. When his body went limp, I quickly get on the ground before getting to cover.

This little nest based on an little hill for that guy was in fact, overlooking the entrance of Naga's HQ and finally able to discover more about who was awaiting me & the others. Now, it was mostly Perseus soldiers that we were going to face, meaning that it was this place Adler was to be. But with those new pieces of informations, I couldn't risk to make an solo attack on that place. Even filled with rage, it's suicide to do this. I have to wait the others but when they will be here ?

"Patrol, it's been an hour that your radio went off." An voice said through the stolen radio I had with me, breaking the long silence from it and this voice...it was Naga. "Patrol, did you check if any survivors was there at the crash ?" He demanded again, apparently forgetting that someone else did respond to him an hour earlier.

"No one survived." I started, speaking at the dead guys place, making my voice clear to him while I was staying out of sight of the entrance. "Your guys are dead, Naga." I added.

"Who is this ?" He asked, sounding confused to hear an stranger's voice, he must have forgetten my taunt.

"Someone that you pissed off too much." I replied, my eyes focused on the dirth path I arrived in.

"Ah, you must be one of the survivors of that crash." He said, sounding like he had an revelation in his head. "How was that little fall ? We didn't see too much from my camp." He scoffed and I wasn't laughing at all, nothing came out of my mouth.

"I lost an friend." I breathed, blinking with my eyes, seeing that scene again. "Do you think it's funny ?" I questioned in an serious voice.

"In fact, it's not everyday that you brought down an Huey." He told me as I quickly look towards the base entrance, trying to find if the others were there.

"You always has been like that, Naga ?" I asked him rhetorically, remembering the memory I had when I met the guy. "Without an heart ? Merciless ? Brutal ?"

"Been an warlord isn't an line of work to have emotions." He decided to give me an answer anyway. "You know, I think you're all coming from your CIA friend....Russell Adler, I believe." He continued, almost sounding funny in his voice. "I'm afraid that...you are too late."

"Meaning ?" I whispered.

"Well, you have to come to my base to see." He replied, his voice clearly saying that my attempt to know more was useless "There's something that is maybe interesting you here....an little smell from the past." He joked at the end, hearing an laugh through the radio. Why is he telling me all of this ? Do he know that I was alone ?

"You're out of your mind." I said, giving my thoughts on that man, honestly.

"Wait !" He called me an bit loud, sounding to have something in his mind. "Your voice, it's sounding...familiar." He added before hearing him sort of getting up from an chair. "Ah...so, you're our Yirina Grigoriev but I think that people around you is calling you 'Bell', is that correct ?" He demanded, knowing that he was talking to 'Bell'

"That is correct." I responded, 'Bell' is the one talking right now. "Naga, you're going to release my friend or I will personally make sure that you and all your men will suffer." I threatened him in an dark voice, also giving me pain to still call Adler an friend.

"You aren't believing those words but it seems that Adler did really messed you up." He exclaimed, an noise of surprise in his voice.

"I don't know what you are talking about." I expressed, fainting to not know anything.

"Well, you will soon find out." He affirmed in an serious tone. "To make you know, you're the first person I will not personally have my hands around their necks." He admitted to me, making some noises through his radio. "You're our Queen of Hearts alongside the MI6 agent, Helen Park." I wasn't seeing him from my position but his words meaned that he was looking to the playing cards representing me & Park.

"To be captured alive." I whispered. "Yes, I saw them too." I continued, thinking that he was maybe looking surprised on his side.

"So, you learned that Perseus has ordered everyone to put their hands on you and that MI6 agent but instead, you decided to be on the field." He wondered to me

"Why we were going to hide ?" I demanded rhetorically. "I'm not intending to hide, Naga...I will find you and I will kill you." I confessed, putting all my fear in that threat to him.

"We'll see about this, you're probably still trying to find your way in here alone, it's going to be long." He said, not thinking at one second that I was having my eyes on his camp. "We'll be the firsts to capture you and before that, your friends will suffer another fate." He added. "Stitch will...."

"Sir !" Another voice came through his radio, cutting him and surprising me in place. "We spot the CIA strike team, they're almost at 200 m from the entrance." Those words caused me to quickly check the nest, finding some binoculars near the dead sniper before looking away from the entrance. They were all here : Park, Woods, Song, Sims, Wolf, Rivas along with others survivors from the latter team.

"Shit !" I muttered at their sight, mixed between been happy to see them after all these times but also because they were going into an trap.

"I'm sorry but I will be busy to cut the skins of your friends and hang them on the trees." Naga taunted me again. "Bye bye !" He added before the radio went off completely.

I couldn't stay useless here, only watching the others getting trapped by Naga's men at the entrance. Just after the radio went off, I could see that they were preparing to ambush the others, getting in cover and opening widely the gates that are leading inside the camp. I needed to do something and since I was in an sniper nest, I should prevent the others that they were walking straight into Naga's trap.

I quickly moved to grab the SVD Dragunov the dead sniper was using before getting in position, switching between looking at where Park and the team were walking and the entrance, trying to find if anyone was going to make an move and everyone was basically in their nerves about what will happen...including me. Everything can happen at the moment this ambush will occur but, it doesn't need to have an ambush....

With an thought crossing through my mind, I couldn't let the occasion for Perseus soldiers to attack first, meaning that I will attack first. I took an deep breath, staying steady to stabilize the Dragunov and then, I pulled the trigger. The first bullet I shot flied to hit an Perseus soldier that was hiding behind an wall with his friends and seeing him getting hit send an moment of panick in the soldiers. I took an few seconds to check Park and the team, seeing them running towards the entrance.

Once I was done, I resumed to fire with the Dragunov towards the numerous enemies that was keeping the entrance before the real gunfight began, starting the fight to get Naga for real. At my position, I was providing cover to the team below me but after an few moments, I saw through the scope of the sniper rifle that an RPG was aiming at my position and when I tried to shoot him, the sniper rifle ran out of bullets....shit !

It took me an second to react and the only thing I could do was to jump off from the sniper nest, not forgetting to grab my AK-47 to get down before the rocket hit my former position. I found myself to slide on the cliff, trying to not hurt myself before I was finally at the same level about the others, quickly moving to get to them in cover.

"Hey, Yirina !" Woods exclaimed, surprised to see me as I was now in cover with him, Park & Song while Sims, Wolf & Rivas were in another cover at a few meters from us with some of Rivas's men. "Shit, you've been through hell, it seems." He stated, looking at my clothes.

"I know." I whispered, after getting myself fully in cover next to him.

"Yiri, I'm been worried." Park said, going back into cover, her eyes true to her words.

"We've been trying to contact you but you weren't responding at all." Song expressed before firying some bullets from her XM4, killing some guys in the process. "What happened ?" She asked suddenly worried, returning in cover.

"Shit...I don't know but it seems that Naga was able to see through that our helicopter was something belonging to us." I replied, focused on also blasting with my gun to provide some cover to allow Sims, Wolf & Rivas to advance an little to another protection. "We've been hit by an RPG and we crashed....an hour ago." I added, closing my eyes after getting to cover again.

"And...and where's Garrett ?" Park questioned me and it caused me to look down, my eyes still closed.

"He...he's dead, Park." I responded, feeling the pain of telling them where's Garrett now and in an instant, I could see the pain on their faces, their eyes going wide and Song at the urge of crying while Park was speechless and in the same state as Song.

"It's...no....it can't be possible." Song breathed loudly after hearing me, getting her hands off her gun, dropping it on the ground.

"I'm sorry..." I told both in an very low voice.

"Damnit." Woods chuckled, mixed between shooting with his XM4 and listening to us, he was also feeling bad.

"He...." I stopped myself, starting to hear his voice again, telling me to kill Naga with the bullet I did make before leaving to get here and it was not by staying in that cover that I was going to do it. So, I reloaded my AK-47 and then, I suddenly jump out of cover, having spot during my suppressing fire an way to maybe get to Naga rapidly.

"Yirina !" I heard Park shout as I was running to get to the way I saw before : an entrance inside an house at the left of where Sims, Wolf & Rivas were located.

I passed in front of them before arriving into safety inside the house that was more looking an armory but I wasn't really in safety as there were an Perseus soldier in it, firying through an window. We both met eyes and I made the first move, literally throwing my own AK-47 to his face before starting to run over him to try to stab him but he managed to block my attempt with his right hand but since I wasn't able to stab, I took out my M1911 to shot at him in the chest two times before finishing him off with an bullet in the head.

At this moment, another door from the house at a few meters from me was force opened by an Perseus soldier, I tried to quickly shoot him but in fact, my M1911 was out of bullets, not having reload it after that attack that killed this 'Swift'. I was then going to throw an knife at him before someone fire multiples bullets in his direction, killing him and discovering Sims with his M60 in hands.

"For fuck sake, Yirina..." He said, putting himself in cover as I was moving to get to the broken door. "You almost got yourself killed."

"And ?" I asked him, grabbing back my AK-47 in hand that I threw to the first guy. "You're striking them from the front, I'm taking Naga." I explained to him.

"It's too risky, we need to...."

"Maybe but isn't our line of work ?" I cut him straight like that, blinded by my rage to finish off Naga. "He killed Garrett but I will be the one to kill."

"Yirina, I can't let you do this." He exclaimed, sounding sure of his words.

"He got Adler and you want me to let him live ?" I questioned him, finally moving to get in cover next to the broken door in case there were someone. "Don't follow me and don't try anything, Sims." I ordered before he resign himself to let me walk away as he was reloading his M60 before going out.

"Give me back Adler !" He screamed, along with his M60 as he was going out of his cover from the house, leaving me alone.

Surprisely, the little yard that was separing me from an sort of old temple was empty of enemies, maybe all focused to battle with the others, leaving me alone to get myself prepared to face Naga himself, maybe awaiting for his men to do the job for him but knowing Park and the others, he will wait very long and it's sure that he isn't going to wait long until I put the engraved bullet into his mad brain....for Garrett.

Despite facing no resistance from Perseus soldiers, I quickly move towards the yard to enter that old temple but it wasn't the main entrance of it and of course, I continued my advance inside of it, discovering an lot of gold bars stored here....like that. What all of these things are doing here ? I didn't let myself distracted until I arrived in an sort of main room with an sort of fountain in the middle but then....

"AAAAH !" A sort of war cry came inside the room, discovering Naga charging me with an knife, dressed in the same clothes that he was wearing in my memory. "Die !" He shouted again before I could avoid that strike from him.

"You're first !" I exclaimed towards him, taking out of my knife from my boot.

"Oh, here's our 'Winter Soldier'." Naga said, discovering me in person again, saying that stupid nickname linked to me. "I'm sorry to dissappoint you but your friend Adler...isn't here ! I can say that you & me, we're the same." He added as we both started to turn around each other, pointing to each other with our knife.

"So, it was an trap ?" I snorted.

"And of course, you all fall in it." He scoffed, sounding happy of having us in here. "You know what ? Enough of the talk and...fuck Perseus's orders." He looked at his knife before having his eyes hidden by his sunglasses looking at me. "I'm going to enjoy killing you slowly." He then start to attack first with his knife.

He directly tried to make an swing with his knife but I step back, avoiding the blade of it to touch me, not even making an cut through my clothes. However, he took the advantage that I wasn't attacking to charge me again, throwing himself against me and smashing my back against the stoned wall of the temple. He continued by kicking me in the chest with his knee before throwing me next to the fountain, still making sure that I wasn't going to make an move.

"Let's see how much time you will hold your breath." He taunted me before he grabbed my head to put it in the fountain, trying to drow me. I couldn't do an thing while he was having his left hand on my neck and the other controlling my hands, making me impossible to move before he removed my head from the fountain. "You know what ? Before killing you and after killing your friends, I will surely have an big taste on what's inside those clothes."

"Go fuck yourself !" I shouted, catching back my breath.

"Shut up, little slut !" He cursed, making my head going back inside that fountain but when he put my head inside, I could hear Garrett's voice again....'Kill him'....'Kill him'....and it did gave me more strenght as he pull me out of the water. "So, you're going be my favorite whore and all my men will certainely have an chance to see how much you'll begging before you plead me to end you." He scoffed, sounding certain to have win.

"In your fucking dreams !" I exclaimed, moving my legs to kick him in the waist, breaking his control over me and allowing me to grab back my knife that I dropped after he smashed me against the wall.

At this moment, I took the occasion that he was still trying to get up from my kicks that I approached him rapidly, making an single swing towards his left hand and I managed to cut off his left hand, making it drop in the ground before I start to punch Naga in the face multiples times as he was on the ground, breaking off his sunglasses, removing his green hood to discover his face and it didn't stop me to continue my moves.

I finally stopped to punch him, letting him to bleed, leaned against the fountain on the ground, breathing anormally after my numerous punches against him. Me, I was taking out the empty mag of my M1911 to insert the engraved bullet in it.

"You & I, we're not the same." I told him, inserting the bullet in the mag while looking at him, it was the words he used before our fight. "I'm not like you." I affirmed, loading the mag back into my M1911. "His name was Garrett Donovan." I added, aiming my gun towards Naga's badly hitten head.

"Yirina !" An male voice came in and I saw Woods with Park, Song & Sims. I wasn't paying attention at outside that the fighting was done. "Don't do it !" He ordered, making me look at him with an deadly glare.

"And why that ?" I demanded from him, my voice cracking. "He killed Garrett, why I would let him live ?" I said, looking at Park & Song that was still sad about that news, they were looking to be with me, wanting me to shoot that piece of shit on the ground.

"We got orders, Yirina." Sims called me out but I wasn't looking at him, focused on seeing Naga. "He might be useful for us to have intels of where's Adler ?" He added, trying to convince me of that.

"And you really think that his fucking shithead will help us ?" I shouted, angry.

"Yirina, if you shoot, we will have no chances." Woods joined Sims in his argument as Park & Song were staying silent, feeling that they wanted to shoot Naga too, hoping to have me do it. "Please, lower the gun." He suggested again, slowly approaching me to grab my gun away from me.

"I...I..." I started, getting confused inside of me about shooting him or not but I had to shoot him...for Garrett. "AAAH....Fuck !" I screamed, angrily lowering my gun, realizing that I wasn't going to shot Naga like when I wasn't able to shot Adler's vision. I couldn't look anyone in the eyes as I was having some tears coming from mine, starting to walk towards the path I came in here.....

"Leave me....I just need to be alone....I fucked up, Garrett !"

#cod bocw #cod cold war #cod black ops cold war #cod cw #call of duty cold war #cod #call of duty #cod bell #black ops cold war #yirina grigoriev #fem!bell #helen park

[bxoken-heartss]

@tu-sonrisaaa-te-amooo asked: Could you do the 8 and 17 fluff with Joel? tht would be cute (ik u hate him lol u could do zabdi if u want)

Lmao I don't hate him Bby..he can just be a bit dramatic sometimes...that's all 🙆‍♀️

Prompts: (I did a bit of alterations in it so excuse me)

“I want to dance through an army of fireflies with you.” (Prompt 8)

“My hand was made to fit into yours. That’s all there is to it.” (Prompt 17)

So Y/N is your name

~ ~ ~ means change of scenario.

✓ ✓ ✓ means the end.

So...ahem...this went a bit more than I intended it to go...I swore I would just write drabbles but I guess old habits die hard? So this is it? I hope you like it Dia! 💕😅 (oh new nickname alert)

This song is beautiful and sorta inspired me! 💕

- - -

Y/N and Joel were friends ever since they were little kids...They had met when Joel had gotten lost wandering around in a series of pet shops staring at pets (especially various dog breeds and puppies). When his senses had hit him..he understood he had gotten lost..he began to feel nervous and uneasy and let out childish sobs as he began to run around looking for his mother.

He barely paid attention to anything around him as he only focused in searching for his mother that which eventually ends up with him bumping onto someone.

"Ouch! Why can't you watch where the hell they are going?!" A voice speaks

Joel falls down as he looks at the person speaking...a little girl who held a husky in her arms on the floor angrily glaring at him

"I'm so sorry...I didn't..." He begins as he stares at the husky...

"It's fine...Just watch where you're going at least the- -" She begins

"Is that the Siberian Husky?" Joel asks interrupting her as he stands up

"I'm kind of offended that you interrupted me...But yes...yes it is.." She replies as she possessively holds her husky

"Can...Can I pet it?" He asks as he looks at the husky eagerly

"Well sure I guess..." She says as Joel begins petting the husky.

A few minutes later, the duo had already begun talking about...dogs things in general..

"Y/N! There you are!!" I was looking all over for you!" A voice speaks, tone concerned

"Oh..Mumma..I was just on my way back but then this boy bumped into me and apparently loves Zachary a bit too much.." She says as she points at Joel

And that's when our oblivious little Joel realizes that he was lost and was supposedly supposed to find his mother..not stand here fanboying over a husky.

His eyes widen as he looks around, searching for his mother a.k.a his official/ main intention...Panic strikes his system as he realizes he was obviously potentially lost..

"Are you okay Joel?" Y/N asks

"I'm LOST!" Joel replies as he looks at her letting out childish sobs

"Oh god...Mumma...Help him!" Y/N says

"Listen lil boy...we'll find your mother...do you like know her number or anything.." Y/N mother asks

"Yes..." He replies as he tells her the number letting out soft sobs

The husky jumps onto Joel's arms as it began licking his face. Joel stopped crying slowly as he began smiling a bit.

"Oh my god...He is just so adorable..." Joel says as he pets the husky

"Yeah...he seemingly likes you..strange..he's not pretty comfortable with strangers.." Y/N comments

Soon Joel's mother comes in, her eyes scanning around, her eyes instantly gleaming with happiness as she finds Joel.

"Joel!!!" She says as she runs over and hugs him, Zachary jumping out of Joel's arms onto the ground.

"Mumma!!" Joel yells as he hugs her, sobbing quietly

Y/N stepped away a bit letting them have their moment.

"Thank you for finding him! He's always roaming around..pet stores...or just everywhere in general...I'm so sorry for his careless actions...and all the inconveniences he has caused you..." Joel's mother apologizes

"Oh not at all...He wasn't a bother at all.." Y/N's mother reassures

"Joel...at least next time don't go around without telling your mum! If you want a pet come over to my place...We can play with Zachary together..." Y/N says as she smiles at him, holding her mother's hand

"Okay..I will." Joel says smiling at her as he pets Zachary one last time...

"Bye Joel! See you...well...soon?" She says as she walks off..

That was how it all began...After that, one day he had turned up at her place surprisingly...They were next door neighbours...And eventually they spent a lot of time together..which lead to their everlasting friendship which began at the age of 6..

~ ~ ~

"Joel...when am I going to see you again?" Y/N asks as she lazily sat on his bed whilst she helped him with her luggage.

"Around 9 months...I'll be back soon.." Joel says as he puts in another shirt

"Oh come on...that's technically the entire year!" Y/N comments as she rolls her eyes

"I swear I would have taken you if it wasn't for your Fashion Designing Course..If that had been completed..then you could have joined.." Joel says as he stuffs in something else

"Yeah yeah..it's important right...I'm going to miss you Jo..." She says as she looks at him

"Me too..I wish there was something I could do.." Joel says as he walks over towards her.

"Just promise that you'll facetime me before all your performances..and just text me once at least every day...send me those lame audios of yours...I don't care.." Y/N says as she holds his hand...

He was still here...not gone..why did he have to leave?

"Hey...I'll text you and call you everyday.. You're my best friend...If I wouldn't call you.. who else would I?" He asks as he holds her hand and hugs her

~ ~ ~

"Wow! That was a spectacular show right boys?" Joel asks obviously excited as he walked behind the stage...

"Yes..exhausted but overwhelming..." Richard replies as they walk into the room backstage

Zabdiel immediately falls onto the couch, Erick cools off, Chris begins to fix his hair

"God..Why hasn't Y/N even seen my message! She didn't even facetime me today or even call me! Isn't that just mean?!?" Joel comments as he slumps onto the couch

"Yes...call her mean and every other negative word you could think of Ho-eL! She brought her arse from miles away, sat on a 13 hour flight just so she could surprise her best friend and yet you call her that?" A voice speaks from behind him

"Wait...a minute..." Joel trails as he instantly turns behind and sees Y/N

"Y/N- - !!!!" His tone surprised and shocked as he leaps off the couch and hugs her, a few years falling through his cheeks in the rush of excitement.

"Curls!!" She yells as she hugs him.

They hug on forever none of them every wanting to let go...Until an intentional cough from the guys pulls them away

"Ah...err...Guys! Meet my bestie Y/N!" Joel says as he grabs her hand heading towards the boys

"We talked Curls...I talked to everyone and they all helped me hide...You guys were amazing...The performance was just fantastic!" She comments as the boys yell out a chorus of thanks

"Okay so everyone except me knew that you were here?" Joel asks

"Duh curls...I couldn't sneak into backstage without their help..." Y/N says referring to the boys.

Joel grabbed her arm and pulled her into an empty room and pulls her into a hug again

"I'm so glad to have you here...Thank you for the support.." Joel says

"Wow wow...I never knew I'd see a sweet side of you Joel..." Y/N remarks

"Shut up and just hug me..." Joel says rolling his eyes

She returns the gesture as they kept hugging, an odd source of comfort filling both their veins.

~ ~ ~

"Joel...this is beautiful..." Y/N comments as she looks around the woods.

It was a small forest sort of place filled with thick green trees and a small river which gleamed with reflections of the littered stars that laid scattered in the skies.

"I know right..." Joel says as he looks at the river and at her..

They spent a lot of time making jokes and just talking about life...he had just returned from tour a few days before and thought he ought to spend some quality time with his best....friend...

He almost sighed at his own thoughts..he had begun to have feelings for her...but he didn't want to let them interplay..he didn't want to lose her...he needed her as a friend at least in his life..his feelings didn't have any part in this...but he couldn't help but wonder everytime she smiled..was she thinking about him? Did she think of him..as something more than a friend?

"Joel..Joel...HOEL!" Y/N yells.

Joel's eyes widen in shock as he falls off the log he sat on because of how loud she yelled and how distracted he was..

"Oh god...you are so clumsy sometimes Curls! Wait..actually all the damn time!" She says as she holds out her hand, Joel gratefully accepting her extended hand as she pulls him up.

"Look at that Y/N..My hand was made to fit into yours..” Joel comments as he sits up

Y/N face floods with a tint of pink as she nervously laughs it off..but never lets go off his hand..

"Of course you dummy...We are besties so god made sure it would work that way.." She replies uneasily

"Y/N I want to tell you something.." He says interrupting her from speaking further

An awkward moment of painful silence fills the air...

"What is it Joel?" She asks nervously

"It's.. it's..." Joel begins but his anxiety kicks in.

"If you don't tell her now...you'll never tell her or know if she felt the same.. you'll probably live in regret but you have to! " His inner voice encourages as he takes a deep breath

"I...I like you..." He breathes out

"I like you too Joel! You are my best fr- -" Y/N begins

"No Y/N...I like you more than a best friend.. you make me feel warm and mushy on the inside..I don't feel anything else around anyone else...You make me feel safe, happy. You understand me...We fight..but that's only because you care..but I like you in a different manner...You make me want to the cringy -est stuffs like taking couple pictures, share smoothies together, go on dates...and make me wanna dance with you in between an army of fireflies under the moonlight and what nots.. and to think that you make these cliché activities look normal...that's weird and definitely not something I feel one fine day.. I knew I always had these feelings..But I realized them...only recently...I understand if you don't feel the same..but just so you know I'll keep loving you..on and on..." He finishes off

"Who said I never had feelings for you Joel?" She asks "Every night... I'm just waiting and wondering if you have found someone that'll make you feel like that..Because why not? There are millions out there..prettier, hotter and just beautiful girls out there waiting for you so why would you choose me over them? Yeah... nothing.."

"Y/N I don't care...for you were..are the only girl I've had my eyes on...from the start.. today and forever..." Joel says as he holds both her palms. (I'm low-key swooning 🤧)

Before she could answer, Joel extends his free hand and pulls her up.

They walk over towards a place where the moonlight reflected brightly and the clear water flowing gently, causing small ripples as if it was singing a song.

"Well...can I have a dance with you?" Joel asks as he extends his hand out in a sorta gentleman style

Y/N nods softly as she takes his hand, his hand instantly softly interlocking with hers as she rests her free hand on his shoulder, his free hand holding a space above her waist securely..

As they began to softly dance in sync, an army of fireflies had encapsulated around them causing her to smile wide.

"Look Joel...True to your 'cliché' wishes..the fireflies are here..." Y/N jokes about it as Joel's face floods with a bright pink colour.

They enjoyed the overall aura, the silence suddenly turning comfortable...as they merely enjoyed each others' presence without any words being exchanged.

"So..Y/N..." Joel begins

"Hmm?" She asks as they continue dancing

"Will..will you be my girlfriend?" He asks nervously

Y/N stops dancing as she tries to catch Joel's gaze..but the boy would look at anyone or anything but her..

Y/N stood on her toes as she holds his face with both hands as she stares at his beautiful dark brown orbs, her eyes filled with nothing but love..that too only for him.

Joel looks at her nervously and before he could speak anything, she softly presses her lips against his. He instinctively bends down a bit to reach upto her height as his hands wrap around an area a bit above her waist.

She pulls away, Joel's arms still firmly fixated above her waist as he looks at her

"Did that answer your question Pimentel?" She asks, her tone filled with sassiness

"For real Y/N?" He asks in disbelief

"Yes Joel..For real...I promise you...I'll be there for you..." Y/N says as Joel smiles

"I love you Y/N.." He says

"I love you only..Joel Pimentel.." Y/N says as Joel pulls her in for another kiss.

✓ ✓ ✓

The Ending kinda sucked tbh...but anyways hehehe... I'll try to improve! 😅🙃

#joel pimentel #cnco #christopher velez #richard camacho #fluff #oneshot #zabdiel de jesus #erick colon #fiz's works

[cxmplexity]

AALI!!! guess who is back from the dead? LMAO, I had my last midterm today, so I feel a little better (not for long tho, because guess who has finals from the next week?🤡), My sems are virtual too, labs are just stressful, more so, I feel like I will end up half assing my way though the course (Cue: the eternal anguish of a burnt out student😭) I will give a listen to the albums you mentioned because all of your song recs just hit the right spot (no pun intended). Also, Toji's opinion makes sense, children are ingenuous and pliable like that, and as someone who also witnessed his mother's death, he was bound to believe it that he was the cause of the misfortune one way or the other. I re-read the story and the quotes you put in,🥺🥺 uwu. As if it wasn't perfect before, you just took it up a notch, you talented writer you. His mother's voice was a subtle insertion too, somehow made me have the opinion that he was attached to his mother and her memory was probably what made him go through his life, until Kaori came along that is. It also reminded me about this quote, "The dead talk", their story really was like that of star-crossed lovers, can't fangirl enough * wipes a stray tear *.

Lmaosskksk, yes, yesss, I will be the happiest woman alive if I can plant plot seeds inside that bewitching brain of yours, I am a Geto and Nanami Simp through and through, I eat up anything you bring out, so you bet that I will go feral if that setting happens. LOL, we doing some legit soulmatry baby, I love GOT7, although I literally had no idea that they had subunits 😭😭 help. There's one song of theirs called 1° and that's got to be my all time favourite track. First the Nanami lock screen twinning and now this, lmao, soul sisters sharing one conspiracy Braincell😭✋. As for Poetry, I am more of a fiction kind of girl, but I dabble in the occasional piece, so far, it's Pablo Neruda and a few of Poe's work that stayed with me till now, and a few Arabic poetries, they are enchanting, I wish I could read Urdu, just so I could read more.

You're always welcome, I will probably send you more food *Lenny face * and song recs in a seperate ask. Also, Teenage Fantasy sounded so sensual! I got more frat vibss again😭, plus Coffee sounds like a song that makes love feel like a raging firestorm between two reckless college kids. The kind of you fall in and out of and find your way back to each other again and again.

OML, we literally share so many interests😭😭😭 it feels so nice. I loved my English classes when I was in school, and would NEVER prepare anything the day before the Grammar test, it was actually an off day for me xD. Weirdly enough, maths is also one of my favourite subjects, but that doesn't mean I didn't pull the most idiotic shit there, I actually wrote done 3×9 as 6 in one test 🤡, Calculus is definitely the only place I do good in. Not you calling me a Philosopher slakkskaks. Paulo Coelho's writing brings about a strange sense of calm tinged with a strange sense of apprehension, I don't know why, although I love his works, ans Murakami, oh lord, he has got to be one of my comfort authors, I started out with his short stories and there was no going back from there. If you can, read his short story anthology "The Elephant Vanishes" and "Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman". Norwegian Wood was truly amazing, you took the words right out of my mouth with how you pointed out the central theme. And OML🥺 it's really so nice of you to say that. It's funny how we live halfway across the world but are literally geeking out on the same thing in sync xD, kinda like a long distance friendship snjsjs, I will probably come off anon one of these days, hehe.

I feel like Kaori and Reminder MC will end up butting heads and Kaori will probably end up convincing the MC to give Geto a shot, what with all that stubbornness of hers as Toji had noted.

P.S I am thankful that you indulge me so much, it's so nice to discuss all these theories with someone like this, and you truly are an amazing creator🤍

I agree, Toji's death may have been an unfortunate one but it was a death waiting in the wings, he was as you said, living on borrowed time. UTPT was Kaori's story, she was already a shell of a girl before she met Toji, the way she dropped in supplication in front of him, as if on autopilot at the beginning of the story proved that. Toji made her feel human again, made her into a woman, they were in essence, each other's first after all, they made each other human, made each other feel the warmth of love. Perhaps Toji's impending death was a little less painful because he spent his last living moments with Kaori. Kaori had to tread the trenches of life on her own in one way or another, Toji was probably someone who gave her another shot at life, that was the irony and beauty of what their love entailed to. Troy is actually a masterpiece, and I am not saying this because I love Greek Mythology hshsjsakkaka, it was nice, plus Brad Pitt had long hair there, so I had my reasons :3. Fun fact: I was in the 4th or 5th grade when I watched the movie for the first time and it's probably one of the few movies I have watched 5+ times. That particular quote tho, it's from the Iliad, so it makes the movie even more special. I will get back to you after watching the movie and we can geek out again👀.

I totally get the peer comparison part, I put so much of my self esteem on my academic achievements that it's a travesty at this point, my professor ended up telling me to have a bit more faith in myself the other day and I kept on thinking about it the whole day afterwards 😭, and I still end up running into all sorts of drama, uncalled for drama.

Also, Aali, you are an AMAZING writer, and I will always support you no matter what work you come up with, this may sound biased, but hey, everyone has favourites¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Not you summoning me with that post shhshwjs, that whole post screamed TOJI, AJAJAAHSHSJJAJ, I am telling you, our clown cells are synced. ALSO, 3 fics back to back? Bestie, you are dishing it out like hotcakes, so we really going to pound town huh? I saw that sneak peek and although I am not a Sukuna thot, the idea of someone instructing me does things to me(only in the bedroom tho.) Yeah, I totally am taking the premium train ride to hell. Take care baby, don't overwork yourself, stay hydrated and have fruits xx 🌒

bestie don’t you dare disappear on me like that again

okay. now that i’m energised enough to reply with full dedication; congrats on finishing your midterms🎉 and best of luck on your finals. please don’t overwork yourself and don’t forget to take regular breaks (that definitely does not include chugging a mixture of coffee and redbull. c’mon now, let’s opt for some fruit as a replacement) you’ll ace them for sure. you’re an extremely smart person and i have full faith in you!

omg yes. you know the aphrodite love heals quote you sent me? i literally couldn’t stop thinking about it i had to add it to utpt, credits to you and your philosopher self for that. i fully agree with your point on toji’s attachment to his mother. i was acc reluctant about adding the scene where he sees his mother crawling instead of kaori when they were separated because for some reason i was worried some might assume he has mommy issues or smth lmfao. but no one did as of now so i’m glad to know i delivered the message properly lmfao.

i currently have a small geto fic in mind and although it’s not a fratboy au my baby deserves a piece dedicated to him. i’m literally a geto wh^re it’s acc ridiculous how i only have one fic written for him omg but it’s only bc i find his characterisation very hard to pin point tbh. HSISJS yes got7 has subunits. you literally picked my fav song out of that album omfg stop it’s acc so scary how similar we are i can’t. i’ll be sure to keep those authors on my list given how i haven’t read their works (shameful, because i heard of poe a lot but never took it upon my self to read his books smh) and omfg you read arabic poetry? i speak arabic so i’ve always wanted to dabble into some arab authors, but currently i only have a few political works in queue for me to read hehe. personally i wish i could speak japanese for the sole purpose of reading dazai’s works. the metaphors i’ve read are so beautifully constructed, i feel the english language doesn’t do it enough justice tbh.

i’m so happy you liked the songs! i had a feeling you’d like them after you recommended ambar lucid (which btw, i acc gave her album a listen after you sent me the link to fantasmas. and i’ve had universe on repeat i- sksjjs tysm for introducing me to her) and now that you mentioned it coffee reminds me of mc! reminder and getou after your little mini analysis? hehe.

pause because...i literally never prepared for my english exams either. showed up to my final not knowing shit about the literature works we were supposed to familiarise ourselves with and somehow i got an A*? i’m assuming the examiner was smitten with my 10+ page essay lmfao.

ahhh you and your recs..you just keep feeding me. i’ll put the anthologies down on my to read list for sure, even though i’m struggling to finish norwegian wood atm 😭 really wanna finish it off and start eleven minutes asap so i can clog the tl with my unsolicited opinion in hopes it would be enough to summon you back into my inbox fhgjfh. and yes of course! just dm me whenever u feel comfy enough to come off anon. you know you’re always welcome to :)

p.s i’m very much thankful you still stuck around to have these discussions, talking to you feels like a breath of fresh air. it’s crazy how many things we have in common, almost as if we’re siamese twins or something lol.

“utpt is kaori’s story” say it louder 🗣 i wanna print off your whole entire paragraph and frame it in my room. you couldn’t have said it better. (not you analysing my story better than me, babes are you sure you don’t wanna take over my writing instead?).

fucking hell..i literally used to have such a major obsession with greek mythology when i was younger. wanted to order the books just so i could indulge into it some more (does percy jackson count? lol) and i think i’m slowly resuming back to it (hence, the theme, hehe). so we were all just crushing on brad pitt at the time? by the sea also features him and angelina jolie! although the movie was directed by the latter, it’s so emotionally raw. i love angelina jolie and her movies. she’s a genius. (i also have a very huge crush on her. but that’s just a minor detail hehe)

aw no. i’m the last person to give this advice, but please don’t put too much pressure on yourself. it’s very draining when you tie your self worth with academics, because now i’ve literally found myself swallowed into this never ending hole that i can’t seem to get myself out of. kinda makes you question the education system too tbh. peer pressure is no joke.

NO IM NOT IM SHSJSJD. you’re too kind. my heart is so full. i can’t do this rn omg i- ur my fav anon btw

please i knew you’d show up if i hit you up in the tags with a megaphone 😭 fr out here like “open sesame” so you’d stop by sjskdnksjd. and yess 3 fics back to back. apparently vulnerable sukuna is everyone’s weak spot? mhm just doing my duties as a civilian here ofc.

Anonymous said:

Welcome To my Weekend Groove Club-

Big Jet Plane- Angus and Julia Stone

Chateau- Angus and Julia Stone

A heartbreak- Angus and Julia Stone

IR-Rubio

Lean On You- Car the Garden

Simp-1(Geto God)

Simp-2

Simp-3

My soul ascended to hornyville

Also, love the new theme, it's so pretty!!! And Hades and Persephone have got to be one of my most cherished mythological figures, although the original mythology isn't exactly errr...ideal, there's actually a webtoon called Lore Olympus which is a retelling of the whole story, give it a read, I have a feeling you will end up loving it. Also, also, CONGRATULATIONS ON 1K FOLLOWERS, you deserve it girl. Have hugs from halfway across the world.(◍•ᴗ•◍)❤

Anonymous said:

Just a few resources to fuel your late night creative, *cough* more *cough* smut *cough* for us (Lenny Face)

Brooklyn baby - Lana Del Rey

West Coast-Lana Del Rey

Loving you- Seafret

Harem™

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

omg you noticed the bio. i haven’t read the story but i remember i read the quote somewhere and i grew fond of it after reading this analysis (i assumed you’d be interested in reading it too so i provided a link sjjsjs)

ahh thank you so much! it means a lot coming from you since technically you’ve been here from the beginning, time flies so fast.

as usual, here’s me returning the favour. so so random, but i like listening to this in the morning when i’m making breakfast hehe:

Jimmy Brown — 2 Things

some extras too:

Jaden — Bye

ECÂF — Pictures

thank you so much for the song recs!! (and the fanarts..my mouth def didn’t salivate) i’ll be sure to give them a listen tonight. obviously i expect nothing less from you, considering how immaculate your music taste is.

don’t forget to have your three meals of the day! stay hydrated, get some sun if it’s not cloudy where you’re at. and good luck on your exams, you’ll do amazing. don’t stress lovie :)

take care baby. talk to you soon xx

#cxmplexity: asks #🌒 #cxmplextunes #cxmplexreads