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coldgoldlazarus · 1 year

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Heyy so i've been enjoying a lot of the yuri things you post about a lot, are there any good shows that you recommend watching? Ive seen and enjoyed bocchi and witch from mercury a ton and i have a lot of time these next few days to burn :)

Oh, I'm glad to hear that!

Hmm, what are some good Yuri shows aside from Gwitch and Bocchi?

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Admittedly, this is hard to answer as thoroughly as I'd like, since I generally have a hard time starting new shows and keeping up with them, so there are a fair few that I haven't actually gotten around to watching yet that I've really wanted to. Still, I'll mention a few of those since they do come highly recommended and I've had my eye on for a while, and then get into the ones I actually have seen.

-Kase-San and Morning Glory: Haven't seen, but did read the manga it's based on a while back; as I recall it's a very simple but very sweet slice-of-life sort of thing about a girly girl, a tomboy, and their shared love of gardening. Rather than a full series, I think it was adapted as a longer OVA or two? So I don't know how much of the story it covers, but it's also the kind of thing where, outside of the developing relationship of the leads, there's not too much in the way of like, a hard-hitting narrative to adapt. It's just super cute.

-Lycoris Recoil: In contrast to the last one, LycoReco is a recent anime-only sort of thing, and much more plotty from my understanding. It's basically the next thing I plan to properly sit down with in the near future, but until then I'll admit I don't know a whole lot about it; the main vibe I've gotten is that it is like, this action-drama about secret agents(?) first, yuri romance second, but it still does go out of its way to make the romance unambiguous and compelling, rather than trying to hide it behind subtext like older shows would have done. So at least based on what I've heard, it sounds worth your while, just I guess tread with caution since it may also get into some darker territory?

-The Executioner And Her Way Of Life: Another recent one that I haven't gotten to yet, but have read some of the manga for and so at least have some idea of what to expect. It's similar to Lycoris Recoil in being an action show first, but still very very clearly gay, so yanno, factor that in on whether you want to see it or not.

The premise is a sort of parody-taken-seriously of standard isekai stuff, taking place in a fantasy world that's constantly suffering from people reincarnating there from earth, growing overpowered and selfish, and causing radical, harmful upheaval. In response, an elite assassin's guild was formed to hunt down and eliminate these isekai "heroes" before they can get too powerful. The protagonist is one of these assassins, and the plot (and romance) starts when she's sent to kill a recently-isekai'd girl... who's special power is that she's seemingly unkillable, and immediately develops a crush on the assassin. Very much a slow burn enemies-to-lovers sort of vibe, but what little I read seemed promising.

-Wandering Witch: Another one I don't know a whole lot about, just that it's come highly recommended by some people whose good taste I generally trust. As the name implies, it seems to be a fairly slice-of-life-ish piece about a pair of witches? But beyond that, I don't really know much, so prolly worth looking into more yourself.

-Otherside Picnic: As I understand it, it's basically like the movie Annihilation, but gay? A pair of girls traveling through this uncanny sectioned-off region where all sorts of creepy supernatural happenings are going down, and it gets very existential. I've admittedly kinda dragged my feet on this one, since I have a complicated and inconsistent relationship with horror stuff, but it does sound very intriguing. Though I will say, from my understanding the yuri is very clear in the LN and manga, while the anime downplays that stuff into subtext? So it's probably more worth reading than watching.

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With those out of the way, time to talk about the ones I do know! A couple of these I'll pair up because their vibes are similar, but I'll still try and discuss each with due depth.

-Urara Meirochou & Konohana Kitan: These two are cut from a pretty similar cloth, that I guess I'll just call "Historic supernatural cuteness"? Both are set in fantasy versions of olden japan, but the overall vibe is similar to modern-day Cute Girls Doing Cute Things shows. I considered leaving them off the list since they're also much more reliant on subtext than most of the others here, but I have too much of a soft spot for Urara Meirochou to be able to ignore it ^^; (I have half-unfinished fanfic for it, which given the scarcity of my writings these days has to count for something!)

Urara is about a group of girls seeking to become apprentice fortune-tellers in this mazelike city dedicated to the craft, though all coming at it from very different walks of life. It's pretty simple and episodic, but the main thing that made it for me was the dynamic between the main protagonist, a literally feral girl who's having difficulty adapting back to human life after being literally Raised By Wolves, and a prim and proper noble daughter who's completely befuddled but also enamored by her antics.

Konohana Kitan, meanwhile, I never got around to finishing just because Life Happened™ at the time, but it featured a bunch of Kitsune running a bathhouse; very Spirited Away in some ways, but a lot more relaxed in tone.

-Izetta, The Last Witch & Princess Principal: Another pair that came out around the same time, but that are tonally kind of the opposite of the last two. Both take place in kinda steampunky/dieselpunky parallel history versions of early 1900s europe, and feature spies and intrigue and action primarily, while, due to when they came out, the yuri elements legitimately straddle the line between subtext and just text.

Izetta is almost a precursor to Witch From Mercury in some ways? Just again, different settings. It takes place during a parallel of World War I and II, with the Germany analogue attacking a tiny border country as part of its overall war plans. The princess of that smaller country, though, winds up calling on help from (and falling in love with) the last witch in the world to help repel the invasion with magic. Izetta very much feels like a prototype of Suletta, and rides an anti-tank-rifle instead of a broom, which is awesome.

Princess Principal, meanwhile, is more focused on class divides and zeroes in on the spy theme more clearly. Basically, in an alternate version of London that's split down the middle Berlin-style, a group of teenage academy students who are actually plants by the opposing side, team up with a traitorous lower princess to sabotage the royal family... though one of the spies has a pre-existing history with her that makes everything even more complicated. It's a really interesting one, told in non-chronological order, that understands the less glamorous side of intelligence operations while still having a fair amount of dramatic action and twists, and alternates between feeling like a CGDCT show and an intense political thriller. And yanno, the gay. I also actually haven't finished this one because Life Happened™ and it's been a while since, but one of these days I want to rewatch and properly finish it. What I did see, was very very strong, though.

-Black Rock Shooter (2010 OVA & 2012 Series): This is another one I wasn't sure I should include, but eh, here we go. Basically, a sort of supernatural psychological slice of life? It alternates between a fairly straightforward school drama, and mysterious glimpses into this almost eldritch other world where monstrous humanoid entities are locked in endless, often rather brutal, combat. As things go on, the two seemingly disconnected stories wind up coming together in interesting ways. Being an older series, the yuri is very much subtexual, but still kind of a core element of the story anyway? It's difficult to explain. The OVA and the Series are basically different takes on the same premise; I favor the OVA as the more subtly-told version, but despite the series getting weirdly melodramatic in places, manages to expand on the concept in some cool ways, so I'd say both are worth watching if it sounds interesting.

(Sidenote, though: Don't confuse BRS 2012 with the more recent series, Black Rock Shooter: Dawn Fall. Dawn Fall is part of the same franchise, but other than some shared characters it's almost completely unrelated, with a wildly different core premise and tone. And while I did like a couple things it did, on the whole I just can't recommend it, especially in comparison to the original but also just kind of in general on its own merits. I'd steer clear of that one unless you're morbidly curious and able to stomache some frankly unnecessarily disturbing content.)

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-Citrus: Something of a dishonorable mention before we move on to the big ones. Citrus is one I kind of have a lot of mixed feelings on personally, but I still feel like it's worth consideration, at the very least for the historical significance. TLDR; a boisterous gyaru moves to a new school and immediately winds up clashing with the school's repressed killjoy Student Council President, only for it to turn out that thanks to their parents remarrying, the two are now stepsisters. Cue lots of weird sexual tension and a revolving door of side character rival love interests.

A lot of people list the psuedo-incest nature of the two leads' relationship to be the big point against it, but to be perfectly honest, that aspect of it doesn't really bother me; I just didn't care for it because of basically the rest of the writing. There's a lot of what's basically sexual harassment in the manga, that the anime further escalates in adaptation to be as 'steamy' and 'torrid' as possible, and between that and the aforementioned side characters who (almost, there is one big exception and she's another reason I wasn't a fan) all have a more compelling (and respectful) dynamic with one or both of the leads, it failed to really sell me on the central pairing. I hear it does develop in a better direction later on, but that's after I lost patience to keep reading, and the anime basically only covers right up to the point where their interactions stop feeling so... uncomfortable.

At the same time, though, I will admit that Citrus does have its merits. There are a lot of people who do love it, so I'm not really speaking for a crowd here, and while I strongly dislike the student council president stepsister, the gyaru protagonist is a genuinely fun cinnamon roll who did nothing wrong and made what I did read/watch enjoyable despite my complaints. And like I said, I have heard it gets better, if you can get further in the manga.

And if nothing else, we do honestly owe Citrus, because the manga did help make yuri more popular and well-known, and the anime marked the shift from subtext being the only way to imply a relationship between girls, to more recent series being able to show it in full and not downplay the romantic or even sexual elements of a lesbian relationship. So, I guess despite what it took to get there, we probably wouldn't have it nearly as good as we do now without Citrus, so on that merit it is probably worth checking out.

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And finally, there's my top three recommendations:

-Magirevo (or; The Magical Revolution Of The Reincarnated Princess And The Genius Young Lady): Another recent one, but that I actually was able to sit down and watch through entirely, huzzah! Genre-wise it's kind of a weird one, being technically an Isekai but only barely; the protagonist has vague and fuzzy memories of a past life on earth that do inform her decisions and drive to an extent, but she refreshingly still feels mostly a part of this world she was born and raised in. It also takes a lot of cues in terms of the setting and typical tropes from the traditionally (tragically) more het-oriented Otome/Villainess genre, so without as much familiarity with that, some of the metatextual twists to those formulas that I really enjoyed, may not land the same? But it's still pretty solid even aside from that.

The basic concept there is that the protagonist, a princess in a magically-strong royal family who herself lacks any magical capability, becomes something of a mad scientist in her efforts to find a way to use magic through other means, and abdictates succession to her younger brother. However, over time he begins acting more erratic, until a breaking point is hit when he publically disavows his betrothed fiance. And the princess, who's also a massive lesbian who's long held a crush on said fiance, takes advantage of this to swoop in and drag her into assisting with her experiments.

It's admittedly kind of an uneven series, veering wildly between slice-of-life hijinks and surprisingly in-depth amounts of intrigue, and so the overall tone is a bit messy. The big issue is that its commentary on the flaws of monarchism and royal politics winds up feeling a bit undercut/incomplete, by virtue of being an incomplete adaptation that the LNs and Manga continue past, but I'm still willing to forgive all that, because the romantic development is very strong. While I understand some of the other series above that I have yet to watch or complete also don't have to hide behind subtext like older shows did, this one feels like it really takes advantage of that freedom. Despite the main plot distracting from it at times, on the whole the girls' relationship feels wonderfully central and gets a really good payoff. If you're here for gay with a little extra something on top, this is my recommendation.

-Symphogear: This is a case where I simultaneously really recommend this, while not entirely being sure if it should be on the list. While most of the others I've listed are single-cour and thus pretty quick to blast through, (even if sometimes to their own detriment, more on that later) Symphogear has five seasons' worth of content, with possibly more on the way, (there was a recent announcement of something new coming in a few years, but whether it's a new season, a spinoff, or just some unduly hyped merch or something, is yet unclear.) so is more of an undertaking. It's also a bit more rough around the edges in some spots, so my recommendation does come with disclaimers.

Premise-wise, it's kind of a weird mashup of genres; Magical girls, super robot mecha anime, and idols being the big ones. In a near-future world that's regularly afflicted by incursions from deadly entities called Noise, there are a group of girls wielding Symphogears, music-powered magitech devices that allow them to transform and fight back. However, there's a whole lot more going on beneath the surface, as the mystery of where the Noise are coming from is tied to a web of conspiracy involving alchemists, monsters, enemy symphogear wielders, and ancient sumerian myth.

It's definitely an action show first and foremost, but part of what both makes it interesting (and somewhat difficult to explain conceisely) is the way it evolves over the course of its run. The original season just started out as like, one of the wave of edgy grimdark "being magical girl is suffering" Madoka-clones that came out after Madoka, (so yanno, if you watch it, go in prepared for it to go some dark places) but it fairly quickly found its own identity and direction in being deeply, unapologetically maximalist about everything it does. Maximum edgy darkness! Maximum awesome hype! (And resultingly, maximum weaponized mood whiplash!) Maximum music! Maximum conspiracy! Maximum violence! Maximum comedy! (For better or worse, maximum fanservice!) Maximum gay! Maximum gay drama!

So like, it's just... A Lot,™ for both good and bad, and best taken at a measured pace rather than binged all at once. Also, while it's technically just subtext in its yuri until the last season, as with everything else about the show, it's so blaringly, gleefully unsubtle about that stuff that it may as well be text anyway.

So yanno, I personally like it, I think it's a great show that more people should watch, but I'll also readily admit that while it probably has at least something for everyone, it also probably has something that might turn people away, with either the plentiful fanservice, or the more oppressive grimdarkness of most of the first season being the two biggest concerns. It uh, goes some places. But, all that being said, it's still a pretty great ride on the whole? So if you think you could deal with those aspects, I do think it's worth taking a look, and the payoff is very much worth it.

And finally...

-Bloom Into You: In terms of just pure yuri, this is one of my favorites, and a pretty popular one for good reason. It hits a really nice balance between the chillaxed gentleness of most slice-of-life stuff, and the angst and drama of some other series; I feel like the best word to describe its tone is thoughtful. It's very well-written, and very sweet while still giving more to chew on. (Also helped me realize I was demiromantic, so that's also a point in its favor.)

A girl entering high school has always dreamed of and idealized romance, but after actually getting confessed to and feeling nothing about it, winds up kinda reconsidering and uncertain of what she actually wants. She meets an upperclassman who seems completely disinterested in romance and tries to connect with her over that, only for the upperclassman to fall for her instead; while aknowledging it's unrequited, she regardless asks her to enter a sort of one-way semi-romantic, semi-platonic relationship. As it goes on, and more context comes to light, she starts to realize there's a lot more emotionally complicated stuff going on, that I'll let you find for yourself.

Very very good series, but with one major flaw, that being that the anime only covers the first half of the manga and cuts off before everything can really properly resolve. They did tweak things a bit so the last episode does serve as at least something of a conclusion, but it's still just not quite there. Unless they do a second season to cover the rest, (which at present seems unfortunately unlikely) my recommendation would honestly just be to read the manga on dynasty scans, or watch the show and then read the rest. It is at least a very faithful adaptation, so I don't think you'd be missing too much if you choose the latter route. But yeah, either way, if you only do one thing off this list, this one is what I'd suggest.

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I hope this helped! Went bit overboard here, whoops ^^;

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nabataprophet · 3 months

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without hurting or being hurt

Whenever you lose track of your father, you always find him in the same place. You round the corner of the library and find him, as always, tucked into the back with a thick tome in hand.

You tug at his robes to get his attention. Whenever he's reading, no matter how much you try to raise your voice, you can never draw his attention unless you do this.

"Sophia?!" He yelps, nearly dropping the heavy tome. He catches it at the last moment, breathing a sigh of relief to not have beaned his young daughter right on the head. "Sorry, were you calling me?"

"...Is it... fun...?"

Your voice is shot from playing with Fae all afternoon, but your father knows you well enough to interpret your vague statement and the pointing of your finger.

Your father's face lights up. "Dark magic? Oh, there's so much to learn! I could study just the knowledge gathered in Arcadia alone and not make it through even half—no, not even a fourth—of it in my lifetime! Isn't that incredible? I consider myself pretty learned in the ancient language, too, so just imagine how much faster I could read if I were completely fluent! To be honest, I was also thinking about asking the village elder to help me translate a few sections."

Excitement colors his voice as he launches into an impassioned explanation. Recently, you've noticed him moving slower than usual, but seeing him so passionate soothes your anxieties somewhat.

"Can I... learn, too?"

The bright smile on your father's face fades, replaced by a more complicated expression. He takes the tome in his hand and returns it to its home on the shelf, far above where your tiny hands can reach.

"Honestly, you're my daughter, so you may have a talent in dark magic, but I hope there never comes a day you have to use it, Sophia."

"...Why?"

"Hmmm... let me put it this way. The people who live outside of this village aren't very nice people. They like to hurt other people, especially if they have dragon blood like you do. You're a very kindhearted girl, Sophia, so I hope you never have to hurt another person. Do you understand?"

You nod quietly. You don't want to hurt anyone, either. Sometimes when you close your eyes, you see flashes of visions of people attacking each other with weapons. It's all incomprehensible to a little girl who has only known the safety and peace of a true Utopia. You don't understand why a person would willingly hurt another person.

Your father scoops you up in his arms, holding you close.

"You really do resemble your mother more and more by the day." He strokes your head, affection in his eyes and regret in his voice. "...But I can't help but wish you resembled me as well. Ha ha, forgive your selfish father, Sophia."

It's many years later when you finally understand what he had meant when he told you those words on that day. He is long gone now, his lifespan mere days in comparison to yours. Sometimes you wonder if he had already known at that point that he was never going to be able to see you grow older.

It's not until after the war that you return to the library of your youth. You're tall enough now to pluck that tome off the shelf without even needing to stand on tiptoes. The well-loved pages of the book open easily under your fingers. When you were younger, you had wondered what kind of secrets the book your father had kept hidden from you had contained. By all means, it's just a normal dark tome just like the ones sold in the village's shop.

It's the particulars of the spell that stand out more than anything else. The tome details the usage of a spell that restores life force at the expense of another; the second level of dark magic. It's not particularly complicated magic and indeed, you've handled far more complex magic while traveling with Lord Roy's army.

Your father had been right, though. You still wish that you would never have to hurt another person, but you had no longer been afforded a choice in the matter. There's no way that your father could have known that in the future, your perfect untouchable paradise would be under threat of being invaded or that you would end up being taken prisoner.

He was only human, so how could he have known?

I hope you never have to hurt another person, your father had said. He had hoped you would stay nestled safely within paradise for your whole life.

But a life without hurting or being hurt is impossible, after all.

Class Mastered: Dark Bishop

#📚 drabbles #//794 words btw future me when you're looking for this #//nosferatu is light magic in fodlan so i prrrrobably wont grab it but lifetaker however is fantastic for introspection on living at--#//someone else's expense. the human cost of paradise etc etc etc #//also the nature of dark magic being a genetic thing in elibe

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knockyasocksoff2022 · 3 months

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IDEALS [kunikidazai]

Ideal No. 2

(812 words)

When Kunikida looks at me like that I almost think that maybe he could share even an ounce of my feelings and then I remember his ideals: a list of 13 cursed things keeping me from being anything he would ever desire. A list he sticks to diligently.

I walk past him, pick-pocketing his notebook yet again just to see the list one more time, to once again stare down the traits that separate me from the realm of polite society and tease myself until I feel like I’m going to puke because that’s the kind of pathetic loser I am.

I open the book while its owner briefs Atsushi on how to prep a file for sending to the Gifted Special Operations Division.

The List is on the fourth page of the book and I flip there immediately, knowing I only have so much time before Kunikida notices its absence.

The page reads:

The Ideal Woman:

Peaceful

Quiet and calm

Down-to-earth

Long hair

Confident and sure of themselves.

Polite with good manners

Likes to have long thoughtful, philosophical conversations

Cultural minded.

Love travelling

Interested in languages.

Shares at least one of my passions (cooking, art, architecture)

Healthy

Trusting

Just to cause myself more pain I make a counter list in my head, or rather bring up the one I make every time I stare at this wretched book.

I am:

Hyper

Loud and Obnoxious

Unfocused and so lost in my dark thoughts I forget that other people exist

(have) short mousy hair

Extremely insecure about myself and my place among other humans, hell I’m not even human, I lost all humanity before age 18, and if I am somehow still human then I’m rapidly losing my humanity. (I don’t mind but I know others do)

What are manners again?

(someone who) thinks life has no meaning so why bother debating it

(have) never been outside of Japan before (mafia work-related missions don’t count)

Capable of speaking many languages but they bring me no excitement

Not someone who has even bothered to know what Kunilida likes (because I’m so selfish)

Mentally ill

Trust? Never met them, but they sound nice.

I want to rip the page right out but I hold my fingers stiff, gripping the notebook so hard I imagine it crumbling under my touch, I feel my fingers going numb but I can’t lose my grip.

I keep mentally crushing the book even as Atsushi looks directly at me. He looks worried, “Hey, um, Kunikida-san.”

Kunikida looks up from the paperwork, I know I’m busted but I can’t make myself do anything. “Yes, Atsushi-kun?”

“Dazai-san has your notebook again.”

“Wha-” Kunikida feels his pocket and turns around to me, “You pilfering pest, return it at once.” His voice is calmer than it usually is when he scolds me and I notice that his hand is almost as stiff as mine, outstretched to me.

He doesn’t seem to question my motivations for taking the book or what I saw but of course, I just have to make a joke anyway, an ill-timed insult because I can never just leave anything as is.

“Your taste in women is truly depressing Kunikida, so regular, so boring, so average.” I can see him getting angry and I want to say “Far too average for someone like you.” but a nice polite wife is really what is perfect for him so instead I just say “Gosh, I can just imagine it now, your children are going to be doomed to mediocrity.” and continue to rifle through the pages aimlessly, not actually paying attention to their contents, after a second the book is ripped from my hands and Kunikida walks away.

I want to laugh because Kunikida is so far from mediocre that no matter how dull a woman he chooses his children are bound to be smart at the very least. (At the same time this thought, of Kunikida settling down with a woman, makes me want to cry, and I know its so fucking selfish that the thought of him happy makes me feel so sick but I can’t help it.)

I wait the entire rest of the day for the lecture but even after he’s done helping Atsushi he says nothing. It worries me

—

I want to come to work early but I can’t make myself, and when I stroll in at 10:00 Kunikida doesn’t even glare at me.

I should’ve expected this. I’ve always known he was going to get tired of my antics and cut me off entirely, as he should. This makes me, a selfish, toxic person, sick to my stomach. We’re going to have to talk at some point, and I wish I wasn’t such a fuckup so that we could all move on from our lives because I don’t think I can stand any more of this.

#bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #kunikidazai fanfiction #kunikidazai fic #kunikidazai fanfic #kunikidazai angst #kunikidazai #kunidazai fanfiction #kunidazai fanfic #kunidazai fic #kunidazai angst #kunidazai #IDEALS [kunikidazai]

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gredandforgeweatherby · 2 years

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The Girl One Floor Below

Apartment 3C

Summary: Peter Parker helps a girl move in

WC: 1.3K

warnings: A singular swear word, talk of Gwen's death and its effect on Peter (recurring theme throughout the chapters) Not edited because I wanted to pot it today and written over the course of one day so my crappy writting. Takes place after NWH so spoilers if you haven't seen it.

If you haven't seen it go watch it right now, like literally close tumblr and go watch it. It's life changing.

Peter Parker was tired.

He was tired of the project Jameson had made him redo multiple times (4 and counting!), despite the fact that he thought it was perfectly fine. He was tired from his multiversal travel, even though he has been back in his own universe for three months now. And he was tired of being alone.

Now don't get him wrong, he was totally fine with living alone – he had for several years now. He was fine with maybe not getting out as much as he used to or seeing people outside of his work (willingly). The thing that bugged him was – well, it was a combination of things.

Landing in another universe changed him for the better. Seeing the two others Peter’s living their lives happily, or as happily as they could being a superhero, with someone sparked a bit of hope in his heart. They had time for Spider-Man, and they had time for Peter Parker. He hadn’t. Ever since that night in the clocktower, once he managed to drag himself out of the pit of despair, depression, and guilt that Gwen’s death had catapulted him into, he didn’t make time to be Peter Parker. Just Peter Parker. He left the city on its own for a while, and came back more brutal than before. He was the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, but he’s afraid he lost that title years ago.

Gwen was his one – his soulmate, his person, the one he was destined to spend forever and longer with. That’s what he thought at least. But he was older now, twenty-seven going on twenty-eight, and he no longer believed in that. He believed he was meant to fall in love with Gwen, become enamored by her, and then have her ripped away from him in the most gut wrenching way he could have possibly imagined (if he ever imagined it, which he didn’t), and then spend the rest of his life living with that knowledge. The knowledge that as every year passes, he grows a year older while Gwen is forever nineteen. That he lives with the guilt and pain about what happened that night. He believes he was meant to be alone, that the universe wanted to give him a taste of what a wonderful life he could have had if maybe he had never been bitten, or been so selfish, or maybe hadn’t been born with the name of Peter Benjamin Parker.

The universe could be a real bitch.

But part of him, a small part of him, had been healed when he saved his younger brother’s MJ, preventing him from living the life he had for almost eight years. Peter had found solace knowing that he prevented the youngest Peter from losing his twin flame, and that helped him heal. That had been the first true step in his healing journey, he realized, as nothing he had done before had really helped. The burning pain he once held in his heart and head had become a dull ache spread across his entire body over the years, but a trip to another universe had helped that ache subside just a bit. And for that, he was thankful.

Nine months out from a quick trip of meeting two other versions of him, he was healing. He was getting better. Peter blamed himself less than he had for Gwen’s death, the dull ache had subsided more, and although he knows it will never be fully gone, he’s glad it can become duller and duller until it’s almost absent. He was taking better care of himself, stopping in to see May more and staying longer for visits. Jameson finally accepted the project that had been causing him a substantial amount of grief since he had come back. (He had to do it over five times before Jameson finally deemed it acceptable, although at that point Peter had gotten tired of his shit and just submitted his first version again and Jameson didn’t even know.) He was trying to leave his apartment a bit more for things that weren’t work or errand related, and began decorating his apartment a bit nicer to hopefully bring some light into his life. He was on his way back from the bugle, and was only a few steps away from the elevator of his apartment building when he took a quick look to his left.

A few feet from his left was a woman close to the same age as him. She was obviously moving in as she had two moving boxes with her, although she was slightly struggling to get a hold on both of them. Her hair was short; dark brown cut to sit a bit above her shoulder, yet most of it was up in a ponytail, the rest sitting against the base of her neck, lightly damp with sweat. She was wearing a tank top and shorts, as it was now July and the heat was brutal, and he could see small beads of sweat collecting at her hairline. Nonetheless, Peter thought she was beautiful.

Looking at her made his heart race, made him feel nervous like he was back in highschool talking to Gwen again. He noticed his palms beginning to sweat and wiped them on his jeans as he debated going over to talk to her. He had almost decided on no when he had thought back to what the eldest of the Peters had told him.

He was going to make time for Peter Parker.

With that thought, he wiped his palms on his pants once more before going over to her.

“Uh, hi.” He greeted her with a small smile and wave before clearing his throat because he knows he sounds like a prepubescent teenager talking to his crush, and continued. “Hi, I was passing and saw you were moving without any help and was wondering if I could offer some.” He internally cringed at how he was talking to her, he was admittedly out of practice.

She smiled lightly while nodding her head. “That would be great actually. I’ve been struggling with these boxes for a bit, thank you.”

Peter nodded at her in response before picking up one of the boxes. “Lead the way.”

────────────────────────────────────────────

They made their way to the third floor before she stopped, put her box down, pulled out her keys and unlocked her door. She stepped out of the way to let Peter inside first before making her way inside with her last box.

“You can put it anywhere, obviously I’m not very particular about box placement.” She placed her box on the kitchen counter as she voiced this to Peter, and he made his way over to her and put his next to it.

He looked back at the various boxes scattered about the room before speaking. “Did you move all of these up here by yourself?”

Letting out a light laugh she responded. “Yeah, I didn’t have anyone helping me so it has taken me way too long. I was planning on unpacking some tonight but that is not gonna happen now.”

“I could help if you wanted.” Peter offered, part of him hoping she’d say yes, but another part hoping she’d say no.

“Oh no it’s okay. I feel bad I even took up the whole six minutes of your time already so you’re free to go.”

She and Peter walked to the door and he noticed the number emblazoned on the door. “3C, I’m one floor above 4C if you ever need anything. I know it’s always nice to have someone just in case when you’re moving in. I didn’t have that, all I had was this crotchety old woman who hated my guts so..” he trailed off while looking away, really wishing a hole would just swallow him up on the spot for being so awkward. But instead of grimacing or cringing, the woman smiled and thanked him.

“I’m Peter, by the way.” He stuck out his hand.

“I’m Marilyn.” She took his hand and shook it, before saying goodbye and seeing him off.

Marilyn.

Peter never thought a name would ever sound so sweet on his tongue.

series masterlist

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milkywaydrinker · 1 year

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Day 22. Time travel

I hate time travel as a plot device. It makes no sense half of the time. The other half of the time it just makes everything needlessly convoluted. I haven't seen a time travel plot done well outside of very niche, high-concept sci-fi. Anyways, have two people who are the same person but are almost nothing alike anymore yell at each other.

The graves were symbolic. Of course, she knew where all of their bodies were; she had that chronicled. When you're the one to outlive them all you get a choice: forget or carry a piece of each and every one of them with you at all times.

“Another year, you aren’t missing much Barney, nothing ever changes.” "Oh man, so that's how it goes huh? Immortality really is a bummer." A familiar voice came out of nowhere, startling her. Her magic ignited in one palm while the other reached for the grip of her rapier. "How did I get jumpier with age? Are you somehow more stressed now than in high school?" The person behind her was herself. The other Norma looked at her with a critical eye. "So it's true you don't grow much after puberty." She sounded disappointed. "Hey." Looking at herself, or rather, at a version of herself she'd considered dead and gone, was a bit shocking. "What the fuck?" "Long story, I think we're currently destroying multiple timelines actually." She seemed pretty cool with that. Okay, so that wasn't exactly "her". It should've been obvious from the start. They wouldn't have been able to interact in this way unless… "You're doing something very stupid and very dangerous." "I know." "Do you now? You can't jump forward without derailing your original timeline, you can't just hop over to the next fork and pretend it's fine!" Even in her own reckless youth, she'd never reached this level of unhinged. Starting a multiplanar war was nothing in comparison to whatever this brat was doing. "I never said it was fine." The kid huffed. "We're combing through the splits to find the one where the world doesn't end. We want to see how the other versions of us prevented it and copy their solution." "That's the most creative way of admitting you ran out of ideas I've ever heard." She was beginning to lose patience. "Sometimes everything goes to shit and there's no way of fixing it. Burying hundreds of other timelines under your misery is beyond selfish." "You don't get to talk to me about selfishness." She almost spat that sentence out. "You're a vampire, there's no way you haven't done stuff you regret." What a cheap gotcha, they really were from completely different worlds. "Go back home, Norma. Exactly a second after you left. Every moment you aren't in the stream of your timeline you create a split. Go back and figure your problems out." She turned away to face the graves again.

Time is unforgiving, and while its nature isn't exactly linear, the cause-and-effect chains bind everyone and everything in the moment. Pulling one element out inevitably unravels the whole structure, breaks it down, and creates paradoxes. Nothing good ever came from time travel. "This timeline isn't a total mess." "I told you to go home." "No. I need to ask you something first." The gravel crunched under her combat boots as she approached. "How did you do it?" "I'm not letting you copy my homework." This was what having a younger sibling must have been like. Poor Ana. "Just tell me how to save the world and you'll never see me again." "No, but if I tell you how I've done it, you'll be seeing me sooner than you'd like."

#parkvember #dead end paranormal park #vampire norma au #kind of? idk it's complicated #my writing #norma khan

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roleplay-abiogenesis2 · 1 year

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For Cyno: How did you end up joining the matra? Was it something you always wanted to do? Also, if you weren't the General Mahamatra, what other kind of job would you like to do?

"So you want to hear that story? I assure you it is nothing as exciting as some people would expect."

Nevertheless, a question asked with kindness and no selfish purpose is one that should be answered. In this, Cyno sees no harm to entertain this person's curiosity.

"It isn't uncommon in any family of Sumeru to urge one's children to pursue the Akademiya's studies once old enough. In this, I was no different from anybody else. Only, while most of my peers stepped through those doors with ambition and desire... I always found myself to be sorely lacking in direction."

"As far as my grades went, I always performed just enough to meet the expectations of my master. I realized very quickly that I did not possess the desire to excel or compete as the other scholars did. After trying a bit of every course, I found myself studying under the Darshan of Spantamad, for no reason other than the fact that by becoming a Driyosh, I had more opportunities to be outdoors and travel. I enjoyed my time outside in the desert, more so than reading in the library."

"I was always blessed with a sturdy constitution, which allowed me to venture further and deeper into the tombs and temples of Sumeru than most would dare. Eventually, this caught the eye of my seniors. They would approach me then, and ask me to be involved in their research, asking me to explore specific sites on their behalf and bring back my findings. Having nothing better to do, and no interests of my own to pursue, I saw no harm in lending them my help."

"Thinking back on it, I am ashamed of how long it took me to realize what was going on. My seniors were purposefully dispatching me to dangerous places. They took advantage of my skills and physical prowess in order to further their own lust for knowledge. When my eyes were finally opened to their conduct, I finally decided to do research of my own. I began to study the code of the Akademiya, its origins, and the Six Cardinal Sins upon which all rules stand. It was then that I truly saw... just how corrupt the mentality of the scholars could really be. And so, I became a matra the next day. I had finally found my true calling."

"... And that is it. Like I said, it isn't really a remarkable tale." Is that a little grin on his lips as he relaxes in his seat? Perhaps Cyno isn't as humble as he makes it sound... but what matters is not to enable one's own arrogance through action.

"As for your other question, I personally find the life of a shepherd to be quite a nice way to live. Crossing the land, tending to the livestock, protecting your animals as they go through their existence, and being a guiding hand... I think it is an overlooked profession by many."

"You look disappointed. Did you expect me to give some outlandish answer such as becoming a professional Genius Invokation TCG Duel Master? Hmph. There is such a thing as having too much of something good, you know. I'd rather not spoil my own fun by turning my favorite hobby into work."

#00j || that's what they said. [asked & answered]#Anonymous #GI01 || There is no escape for the guilty. [IC: Cyno]#v18 || Genshin Impact #gi01h || cyno [headcanons]#//Thank you for the ask too!#always love an opportunity to expand Cyno's background\\#GI01J || Cyno [Jokes and Voicelines]

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zonie-az · 1 year

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Am getting massively burn out at work and I know am isolating myself and just working going home and sleeping or doing nothing. And I have my trip in 10 days and I know that probably exhausted me and it be nice going on and all.

But Idk I need to stop isolating and shit but idk how and I just am getting more depressed due to it. And I know it's also cause am wearing a mask at work cause everyone been sick and am traveling soon and I want to be responsible. But everyone fucking calls me ma'am when am wearing a mask. And it takes all the wind out of me and makes me shut down and after work I just want to hide and it really isn't good. But am going to go to Florida and wear a mask as well cause I need to be responsible and it's so exhausting cause am sure it's going to be no better there. And I love my platonic soulmate but three people in the conversation pronouns get used more and she knows I love to talk and trys to help but then everyone calls me she and ma'am and it just get worse and worse the long it goes.

And this stupid mask everyone has to use she for no god damn reason. I got so use to he and it been so good and this stupid mask and me trying to be good is putting the stupid dysphoria and shit and it hurts so much and I just want to cry and take it off but am trying so hard to be good. And it's so unfair. And it's really hurting and idk what to do cause I need social interactions and I am just getting hurt now and it's so hard. Am trying to be good but it's so painful and I just am losing it. And the pain makes it so I don't even walk to talk to my friend here or anything cause I just am so exhausted and upset and so am isolating and I don't know how to fix it. And my platonic soulmate won't let me be bad and just say fuck it and take off my mask. I want to so badly it's selfish but I feel like am dying inside and its so stupid and unfair and why fucking why. My platonic soulmate keeps being like you clearly a dude and it doesn't help cause honestly am not. Side burns don't mean anything and I don't show my faces hair and thus people just see my stupid boobs cause even tho am better at hiding them their stupidly big and you can only do so much. I can't do a binder at work or everything. My backs already messed up and I don't want to hurt myself and even outside of work it's hard.

I feel like a stupid baby and it's unfair and I can't even cry and break down like I want to. So I just isolate myself and it just makes things worse and idk what to do at this point.

#vent #doesnt help i already been dealing with loneliness and stupif work been a lot ive been getting over time last week and definitely will this #week and then trip and i worry am going to get home and be exhausted and not feel recharged caise am going to deal with people using she #and shit and it just going to beak me down more and then ill be able to take off my mask but get back into work and then #my manager would leave and we have a new second in command at the store and who knows what thats going to be like #i just want to cry i was hoping we could just bump everyone us and i could be baby manager but thats not going to happen #the more i learn how mangers get picked and see what eveyone at i know there too many things dtading in the way and its #not going to happen #i also feel like i can't bother people their have enough going on and am just bring a baby #also what i been self isolating and ill be like hey let me dump shit on you caise am falling apart but also i might just isolate again caus #idk how to deal and self isolate seems to me wjat am doing even tho that isn't helping at all #idk what to do am just in pain

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arimarushunya · 1 year

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I just finished pokemon violet, and while I have many many gripes with how it runs and certain mechanics, I'm with nearly everyone else I've seen talk about this game in that it's probably my fav.

What makes me really sad tho is that this game had so much more potential to be absolutely phenomenal, had it not been rushed like it was. Imagining what kind of game it could have been with more time and attention,,,, almost makes me hate it as is lmao

stream of consciousness and spoilers under cut

Area Zero man. None of the rest of the scenery really wowed me, but going thru Area Zero... my initial enjoyment of it was a bit dampened by not being able to use Miraidon to get around, but it was still just a cool area and I can't wait to explore it more thoroughly later.

I really liked the rpg-ness of having friends traveling with me. It made the game feel fuller and more impactful. Like a lot of the game until that point was traveling vast expanses of just pokemon, with very small chunks of story happening at ocassional checkpoints. Having people traveling with me who were moving the story along while I traveled made the game flow better and feel like my traveling was part of the story, if that makes sense. Wish it had been a mechanic during any other part of the game (tutorial aside).

Story wise, I guessed the big twist pretty early on, but I think it actually aided my enjoyment? like, the tension of probably knowing Turo's fate while traveling with Arven, who just wants to see his dad.... 😭😭😭

The first Turo fight was cool, I'm a sucker for AI goes rogue but good stories. Everything after that fight tho was kinda,, eh. I didn't find Miraidon's arc super compelling, and the ending felt weird. Idk how to explain, but AI Turo's decision felt more selfish than sacrificial, which didnt tonally mesh well with me. But, it's a kids game, it need a somewhat feel-good ending ig.

Now, my main gripes:

- Performance. This honestly goes without saying; this is everyone's biggest gripe with the game. It's extremely unpolished and runs like shit. I don't think I got over 20 frames at any point. Considering BOTW and Odyssey both came out YEARS before this, there really shouldn't have been this much of an issue making a large open world switch title. This is likely cause by how rushed the game was, and it's so sad to see.

- it's pretty empty. like I said above, there's vast expanses of land to travel thru, but once you've caught the pokemon in the area, it can be a drag to explore because there's nothing else really compelling. Having more story beats outside of towns, or having a traveling companion might have fixed this, but as is it feels like a slog to explore.

- Character customization. I'm getting fucking blue balled by Nintendo, having all these clothing shops in scarvi that they don't do shit bc you're forced to wear one of four outfits the entire game. Like, they were so close. I have to imagine this was due to time constraints, bc the other option is they did it out of spite to prevent boys wearing skirts.... I just was so turned off by the shops as a whole bc this sucked so much ass.

- various QOL: - would have loved repels to prevent small ass pokemon spawning underfoot while I'm trying to get somewhere. - shiny indicator, some of these pokemon are impossible to tell apart (<strike>tandemouse</strike>). - Being able to see the previews of picnic items before you buy them like every other shop item??? - FOR MY POKEMON TO MATCH MY WALKING SPEED IN LETS GO MODE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. YOU CANT PUT A POKEMON IN THE GAME THAT NEEDS WALKING TO EVOLVE AND THEN HAVE IT NEED TO GO BACK IN ITS POKEBALL EVERY 4 SECONDS.

I don't really have a closing note for this, it's just ramblings at 1am after having binged pokemon for the last week, but I do want to touch on the terastal/paradox pokemon designs. tbh I hateee how the terastal pokemon look. their hats are so so so so stupid looking. but, once I realized that you can change the tera typing, I'm not as mad about it. I get they can't do custom forms for every type for every pokemon, but God are the UGLYYYYY.

As for the paradox pokemon, they look cool, but I think with the premise of future pokemon, it would have been more interesting for them to be organic rather than robotic. I think there was supposed to be a theme of AI thru the game, bit they didn't really dive deep enough into that. It would have been much cooler for the pokemon to be like, crystallized somehow. bc of their relation to the tera crystals and all. idk, future = robots just feels uninspired. Buttttt, they look cool enough, and they paradoxed my fav pokemon, so I think I can let this slide. for now.

EDIT: after I hit post I remembered that Clavell said "cheugy" at me and it made me have to explain cheugy to my wife and I have never been so fucking blindsided by a video game

#pokemon spoilers #give me your egg

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fleetinglotus · 1 year

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Blog Timeline.

Events (in chronological order)

Time Of Creation

Known as Kuragari until Sumeru plot, his creation led to nothing but misery, to see himself as a mistake, to being told he was ‘sick’. Once realizing he’s nothing more than some defective product, felt replaced, showed the slightest hint of human emotion, it was all over.

Discarded, lonely, lost and coming to the realization he’s no longer of utility, he left, fought for himself in the wilderness until found by the people of Tatarasuna.

Tatarasuna’s incident

Everything is pretty much alike of the Canon incident, with Niwa’s supposedly fleeing and everything just being Dottore’s doing, which he finds out far later in the Sumeru plotline, Kuragari left, never came into contact with the Fatui, never joined them. Innocence lost, he departed from Inazuma, only to cross paths with a certain pair of strangers, leading to the event below.

Unreconciled Stars

Nothing much goes on here, he introduce himself but doesn’t join the gang nor go hostile towards them. He just let them go about their businesses regarding what happens in this particular event of the game before leaving, leave back to where it all began due to certain news he, unfortunately, had to end up hearing because peoples are bound to talk.

Inazuma Storyline

Follows Canon, from the Resistance’s battle to the death of La Signora. Kuragari gets much more selfish from this point on, still acquiring the Electro Gnosis, that he long felt deserving of and make his escape with this newfound strenght, all while yearning for more, which leads to the whole fiasco in Sumeru...

Sumeru Storyline

Same as per above. Follows Canon with a little twist here and there. Rather than knowing of Dottore already, tis the first time they encounter but after seeking out the truth within Irminsul and erasing his existence, Kuragari, now known Michihiko from this point forwards, is recovering, all while conflicted, holding a vendetta against someone who no longer remembers ever crossing path with the puppet.

During coma & even upon awakening, he reluctantly accepted to have a creation of Buer, follow him around on occasion, given he doesn’t always want to, even if for something as simple as emotional support and so forth. This part ties in with my main blog’s muse, in her Akasha AU, for details i suggest that you look into Dcndrohime’s Verses page.

This AU works in twin verse setting as well, not only outside of it.

Changes

Indirectly caused the Gokaden’s fall rather than being directly involved in its fall, including Kazuha’s clan.

Manipulated Signora, feigning to work with the woman, leading to her demise while taking this chance to leave Inazuma with the Gnosis in hand.

Most cutscenes with him, during Unrenconciled Stars, never really happened. He just up and left, had better to be doing during that time.

Though Michihiko may have failed to erase his previous existence towards a select amount of peoples and lose many things he could do during his ascension, he’s still very much capable of helping Nahida when it comes to Irminsul but changing something else is now beyond him, tis for the best after all.

Scaramouche/Kunikuzushi and so forth are not names that ever existed on this blog. He never joined with the Fatui so there is likely a different 6th Harbinger.

Bonus Setting

Ruling Verse.

Verse where he was not discarded, where he never formally met Niwa but was sent to help the people of Tatarasuna, making sure to lessen casualties. He never met Dottore but everything happened without him in the mix. He was not responsible for what became of the Raiden Gokaden and anything Canonly related to him.

In this verse, he preside over Inazuma as a co-ruler, even after all the suffering Inazuma endured, from the Cataclysm aftermath to the lockdown and everything.

Who Remembers?

Nahida

Travelers (either)

Paimon

Whoever Twin verse with me

Twin AU Contents

Is and always is, the ‘defect’

Regarding both Inazuma’s story and Sumeru’s, the events can be attributed to either twin, one or the other. With one of them just confronting the other & so forth. Things are all up for discussion.

Given he’s labeled as the defect, Kuragari/Michihiko has seldom interacted with peoples or done human things, more than his twin has, therefore he is evidently socially awkward when it comes to unfamiliar faces but also tend to lash out in the process, mostly because he doesn’t know what to say, most of the time... Though unwilling to admit it openly, having Nahida’s aid on that front, its both a chore and huge help to him.

Both or just one twin can be discarded, mine preferably since he’s the failure here but i am still up to talk about it.

Regarding how Michihiko obtains his own Anemo Vision, this is up for talks too but he could easily have acquired it in some other experience, if perhaps from confronting his twin, if going from Sumeru’s plot.

Note

This post is bound to be updated whenever he is Canonly involved in something, please keep in mind.

#don't think i missed anything #ooc #but here it is #this is how the blog strays from Canon #meta #headcanons #blog relevant #please be sure to read #bc i won't reblog this post #this post will be linked on my pinned though

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violetsystems · 5 months

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The only mindfuck for me right now has been that I've been so close to the people and life that I wanted for years and it's the past that's been actively subverting it. Call it a hierarchy of shame. But nobody wants to see you succeed on your own without having a kill switch on your dreams. The past thinks you owe it something. And when you are excommunicated from it all then it weaponizes every bit of self doubt it ever instilled into you. People I called friends were never really there for anybody other than themselves and the political schemes that made them.. And you find yourself trapped between their word on your life and your own narrative. With Chicago, you start to realize that narrative is part of a bigger corrupt ecosystem of money, power, and greed. One that you could wrap around the whole world traveling by yourself and find yourself alienate in your own home. And soon you realize it isn't just your past or your friends you are walking away from. It's all the dirty deals and backstabbing they did to keep you from reaching higher and leaving them behind. They relied on you as infrastructure to get ahead and can't let go. I could talk so much shit about people and I used to think that was the problem. They were afraid of me telling the truth. That's not it. They're afraid of losing control. They're afraid of not being able to shame you into a place where they can neg you and get ahead for it. Sell you short so you stay in your predefined rank in the social order you'll never get an org chart. for. They've been doing it for years. And breaking away from that while living in the middle of its grasp is an abusive and impossible maze to understand with no real map other than targeted memes and connected mobs of cliques and gangs. I'm a weakest link sort of person. That's why I keep to myself. It's easier to figure it out in the long run when you leave all the fake shit behind. I wish I could stop screaming at a wall comprehending how evil and selfish people are. And one day I will. But it isn't ever directed at anything but the utter depravity of knowing people who you gave your genuine friendship to were there to take advantage of it. People who called you by name and listened to your problems. It's a lot different than writing about it on the internet. It is more a confessional in that respect. But in interest of full disclosure. I literally never want to speak to anyone from my past ever again. Not even if they've been filming some secret reality show behind my back. That's why I keep to myself. They're poison. I wish I didn't have to come to that conclusion. But if people are going to hold me hostage in a job market because I won't reconcile with a bunch of people who tried to almost kill me or drug me? And I wish that weren't a true statement. Then we're at that stage in the movies where they tell you "You'll never work in this town again." And I don't really have a choice or map of where to go otherwise. So I just wait until they're run out of the aforementioned town by their own dirty deeds. Or it builds up around me like a wall of trash outside my home until I'm cocooned for life. I want to be that guy who was known for standing up to it all and being right for it so nobody has to repeat this kind of hell if they don't want to.

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theferricfox · 8 months

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the eruri trade continues😈

so: erwin made it to the sea with the others (everyone knows that as it’s canon). everyone had 1 (one) beach day when they found it, and even though it’s “”selfish””, erwin wants to have a day like that there.

ofc levi will fulfill this wish. at this point, the dock and railroad is finished, and levi zoomeddd through the week’s work to get time to go there for the day. it’s erwin’s birthday after all :333 the reveal of what levi did for him makes him really teary.

the 2 of them go. erwin is determined to have levi have fun too, since he put in so much work, and levi hates the feeling of sand on his feet, much less swimming yk. erwin got him sandals✅ rubbed on sunscreen ofc✅but levi won’t swim. he just won’t. he says the sea is filled with germs and gross creatures

they’re exploring the rocks lining the coast. yk the ones perfect for jumping in. and. erwin, feeling playful, pushes him in

levi can’t swim. HE CANT SWIM. erwin saves him and a shit ton of comfort ensues. the guilt he feels cannot fit 3 dimensions, but levi just wishes he was honest with him. levi insists they enjoy the rest of the day cos at least they’re together

🙂

GEE.

I'm sorry this took so long but you know me I have to spend like two thousand words on just setup and descriptions of pretty shit and etc etc.

Low key referenced that one time I fell into a pool when I was four and also that time my sister nearly drowned when I was ten.

Content warnings! Um... there's a brief NSFW mention if you're super not into that; drowning; the vastness of the ocean if you have that phobia.

A year seems like such a long time when you’re living it, but it’s merely a blink when you’re looking back. That odd dilation and contraction of time has always been strange to Levi, no matter how many times he reflects.

It’s been a little more than a year and a half since the Survey Corps took back Shiganshina. Sometimes when Levi thinks about that, he finds himself soaked in the fear he felt that day, as real and present as it had been then. So much loss, the feeling of control just a fleeting thought. If he focuses hard enough, he can still feel the air shift from the stones thrown at him and his comrades. He tries not to think about that. Just like he tries not to think about how close he came to losing Erwin.

That cold steel pain that had seized his heart when he told the only man he’d truly loved to go to his death had heated to molten metal when Floch had brought Erwin to the roof, near death but still alive. Floch may be an egotistical follower with few thoughts of his own, but he saved Erwin that day, and Levi is grateful for that. He knows the boy’s motives were far from pure – he’d said himself he thought Erwin deserved to return to the hell of life rather than rest in peace – but Levi doesn’t care anymore. He got Erwin back. The kids still look at Levi with a small hint of resentment, but he’s long since stopped letting it bother him. Or at least, he won’t tell anyone that it still bothers him.

Just a few short weeks ago, the railroad was completed. Levi is still a little wary of it; what kind of monstrous thing can travel so much faster than a horse? The cold metal and loud chugging of the engine make his teeth feel sour, but the others marvel at its industriousness, so he bites his tongue whenever someone in the Interior asks about it. The most he’s ever divulged outside of Erwin’s bedroom is that he finds it makes the landscape look a little more lifeless. Onyankopon had laughed at that, commenting, “That’s what progress looks like!”

Despite officially leaving command to Hange, Erwin is still ‘The Face’ of the Survey Corps, and how could he not be? When the piddling remains of the Corps had returned from the Battle for Shiganshina, he’d been lauded as a hero. There had been parades in the streets — ostensibly for the entire Corps, sure — but mostly for Erwin. After all, he was the man with the brain that brought Humanity its biggest victory yet. No one asked how or why Erwin suddenly had his right arm again, at least not to his face. They shook that returned right hand with a warm smile and then whispered to their friends and colleagues.

Levi had hoped that this victory, and the information they learned in that damned basement, would have alleviated some of the guilt from Erwin’s shoulders, would have brought new light into his eyes and lifted some burdens from his heart. When they eradicated the Pure Titans on the island and ensured none would ever come back through the effort of Eren and Erwin at the docks, he hoped the fanfare and celebrations would convince Erwin that his job was done, that he could retire and relax for just once in his life.

And yet, Erwin continues to be so damnably devoted to the tasks at hand that he’s still not had much of a day off, even as the kids all took turns to go to the ocean. Even Hange has taken their turn, returning with their poor horse weighed down with ‘samples,’ comprised largely of shells, stones, and inevitably slimy, foul-smelling creatures they plucked from the surf. They’ve hoarded these things in their office, choosing to spend their free time investigating and evaluating them instead of doing more humane things, like bathing for the sake of the rest of the Corps.

Levi keeps trying to convince Erwin to take a day, to go to the sea. He remembers the look in Erwin’s eyes when he saw that broad expanse of water for the first time. More specifically, he remembers thinking that Erwin’s eyes were modeled after both the sky and the sea; the three a perfect compliment to each other, connecting water, land, and air in a beautifully captivating trinity.

But since that day, Erwin’s only excursions to the coast have been to destroy Marleyan ships and deter more invasions from their newfound tormentors. He’s mentioned several times how much he’d love to spend a day with his toes in the sand, soaking in the sun, but has never taken the time to do it. Levi has decided that will change today.

It is, after all, Erwin’s birthday.

Though Levi still doesn’t quite understand the new concepts of climate and the idea of living on an island versus the land mass called a ‘continent,’ he does know that he appreciates that today is just as warm as most summer days. The cold won’t arrive for another couple of weeks, making it a perfect day to bring Erwin to the beach. So he dictates as much of his daily work as possible and sets the kids to cleaning the entirety of HQ before he storms into Erwin’s office. As usual, he finds him bent over the books recovered from the Jaeger basement, writing notes in his own notebook. As he is more often these days, he’s slightly disheveled, stubble prickling along his jaw and his hair free of pomade, making him look more like a civilian than the former Commander of the Survey Corps. Admittedly, Levi likes this look on him, and he’s not as grossed out by the prickle of facial hair grazing his skin at night than he thought he would be.

“Hey,” Levi says, pulling Erwin from his study. “Let’s go.”

Erwin hardly looks up, placing a finger in place in whatever book he’s scouring as he jots down another note.

“Go where?”

Levi walks over and shuts the book over Erwin’s hand, gripping the stubbled chin with his free hand.

“It’s a surprise.”

That gets Erwin’s attention, and he’s graced with a raised eyebrow and an adorable frown that Levi desperately wants to nibble between his teeth.

“A surprise?” Erwin regards him for a long moment. “You don’t do surprises, Levi.”

“Well, I do, today. Come on.”

Levi pulls Erwin from his chair and drags him to the waiting carriage. Inside, bags that have been packed and repacked and packed again over the last three days sit on the floor between the benches. As he pulls the carriage door closed, Levi nods to the driver, who sets the horses in motion.

They’re only in the carriage for ten minutes before Erwin, his need to know as strong as ever, moves to pull the curtain from the window to see where they’re headed. Levi holds it in place, a wry half-smile on his face.

“Like I said, it’s a surprise.”

Erwin fakes a pout but can’t hide the schoolboy excitement rising into his face, and Levi leans across the carriage to place a soft kiss on his lips. It’s all he can do to simply leave it as a small kiss. By the way Erwin shifts in his seat, it’s clear he feels the same.

“So,” Erwin says, gesturing towards the bags on the floor. “Can you at least tell me what that’s about?”

“We’ll be gone for a couple of days,” Levi says simply. He experiences a certain satisfaction as he watches Erwin squirm from the non-answer.

“But there’s work to do–” Erwin starts, and Levi knows he’s trying to fish for more information in that clever, subtle way he does.

“I got clearance from Hange,” he responds simply.

The ride takes a good few hours, and eventually Levi pulls out a small box with a packed lunch. When he opens it, Erwin chuckles heartily.

“You’ve certainly thought this through, Levi.”

“You’re not the only one with a working brain you know,” Levi teases, passing a sandwich across. “I used to be the brains of my own operation, you know. Back in the old days.”

Erwin chuckles again but doesn’t respond. They never talk about Levi’s days in the Underground. Not anymore; there’s no need, when the blonde knows everything there is to know.

It’s near dusk by the time they arrive, and before alighting from the carriage, Levi instructs Erwin to stay there; close his eyes and cover his ears, and wait for him to return. Erwin does as he asks, even as a big goofy smile spreads on his lips.

Levi jumps from the carriage and pulls open one of the bags, filled with camping gear. He pitches their tent with practiced ease and sets their bedrolls and other bags inside. He looks a the location of the tent and, satisfied, returns to the carriage. He kisses Erwin’s cheek and pulls his hands away from his ears, and it’s clear from the look in those beautiful blue eyes that he instantly knows where they are. Still, he can hardly hide his excitement as he is led from the carriage to see a tent pitched onto the sand, the gentle roll of the waves filling the air, the smell of salt filling their lungs.

Whilst Erwin marvels at the sight before him, Levi turns to the carriage driver and informs him of when to return, pays the man, and turns around straight into a bear hug. Even as he struggles not to get smothered by the massive pectorals pressing against his cheeks, he can’t stop the grin on his lips.

“Happy birthday, Erwin,” Levi mutters into the shirt that’s pressing against his mouth.

Erwin pulls away, his eyes glittering, and laughs.

“I forgot it’s my birthday. Thank you, Levi.” He leans down and presses a kiss into dark hair.

“If you’re so old that you can’t even remember what day it is, maybe we shouldn’t let you ride a horse anymore,” Levi teases. “You might run someone over.”

Erwin lets Levi lead him to the tent and sits whilst wood is gathered for a fire. By the time it’s lit and setting up coals, the moon starts to rise over the ocean’s horizon. Levi pulls cured meat from one of the bags and cuts it into cubes, dropping it into a pot alongside potatoes and onions. He pours fresh water over everything and sets the pot over the fire to cook.

“You even got Hange to give you meat from the store room?” Erwin marvels.

“No, I bought it,” Levi responds simply. Without looking up from the pot, he notices the shocked expression on his companion’s face. “Don’t go Titan over it. I’ve been saving up.”

Erwin’s look settles into one of appreciation as they watch the stew cook. Once ready, Levi pulls bowls and spoons from one of the bags and serves them each a big portion. Erwin takes the offered bowl with a smile, brushing his fingers against Levi’s as he does. They eat in relative silence for a moment before Erwin speaks up again.

“This reminds me a little of some of our expeditions,” he says between spoonfuls. “Food cooked over an open fire like this always does.”

“I guess,” Levi says. “Except it’s a thousand times better. For one, we actually have meat.” He eats a piece for emphasis. “Oh, and no one’s dead.”

Erwin chuckles quietly and pours himself another bowl.

“Hey, save room for dessert,” Levi grouses, even as he pours himself another bowl as well.

The word ‘dessert’ immediately pricks up Erwin’s ears, and he finishes his second bowl quickly, clearly unable to contain his excitement. Levi favours him with a soft smile and attempts to tease by slowing his pace, eating carefully to draw out the wait, but Erwin’s pout has him bursting into laughter and rushing to finish his meal, too.

He reaches into the bag and pulls out a small box, packed with ice and opens it to reveal a small white cake, delicately decorated with whipped frosting and sprinkled with strawberry slices. Erwin’s mouth drops open at the sight, and he looks at Levi with wide eyes as the box is offered to him alongside a spoon.

“Levi… this can’t have been cheap… You’re really spoiling me here.”

“Spare me,” Levi says, poking him with his own spoon. “And anyway, I didn’t buy it. I made it. Now take a bite already.”

Erwin spoons a bite into his mouth and it immediately drops open in awe as the flavours hit his tongue. Levi scowls and smacks his chin with his spoon.

“Shut your mouth, blondie. I don’t want to see what’s in there unless it’s my dick.”

Erwin closes his mouth and finishes chewing the bite, his eyes wide.

“Levi… this is spectacular.” Erwin offers the box to Levi, who scoops a small bit with his own spoon and slips it into his mouth with a contented hum. “I never knew you could bake…”

“You never asked,” Levi replies simply, sneaking another spoonful before Erwin pulls the box back to him for a bite of his own.

“Still, how long have we known each other now, and you’ve never said anything?”

Levi shrugs, licking frosting from his spoon.

“It never came up, so I never felt the need to say anything.”

Erwin laughs at that, a hearty ringing across the sand that sends Levi’s heart thundering in his chest.

“I feel like I’m going to be learning things about you for the rest of my life.”

“Let’s hope so…” Levi mutters as he reaches over for another bite of cake.

“By the way, Levi.” Erwin spoons a strawberry slice and holds it up in the light of the fire. “How did you get strawberries? They’re out of season this time of year.”

“There’s a valley in the south where they grow wild,” Levi says. “The climate down there is warm enough to support them year-round. I found them when we were eradicating the Pure Titans in that area.”

Erwin slips the strawberry slice into his mouth with a chuckle, shaking his head in incredulity.

“I hope you never stop surprising me, Levi.”

***

The next morning is hot and humid by the time the sun is halfway along its climb to the highest point in the sky and Erwin is out in swim trunks before breakfast is done. Levi reluctantly pulls his own on, painfully aware of his pale skin feeling like it’s baking under the ruthless rays, despite the cream Onyankopon had brought, designed to protect skin from burns. He’d smeared it on as thickly as he could, wincing at the feel of it before he demanded Erwin put some on, too.

As he rubbed the cream into Erwin’s arms, he wondered, perhaps absurdly, if Titan shifters could even get sunburn. That and Erwin’s already somewhat tanned skin made the task feel a bit like a fool’s errand, but Levi wasn’t going to let go of an opportunity to place his hands on that toned body. Especially not after last night…

A row boat sits on the shore, and Levi takes the oars as Erwin pushes the small craft onto the water before jumping in. There’s a small island within just ten minutes’ row that apparently has some really interesting rock formations and shells and things, as well as a nice overlook of the sea. It sounds exactly like the kind of thing Erwin would enjoy, so Levi swallows his apprehension and rows them over, trying not to think about the way the waves rock the little boat along or how he lost sight of the bottom of the ocean floor a long time ago.

Erwin, meanwhile, is giddy with excitement, and it’s hard not to smile as he watches large-finned fish leap from the water in an unknowable sequence (are those what Nicolo called dolphins?), or how brightly-coloured fish swarmed around the boat as they left the shore. Levi insisted that they leave the notebooks and things behind, so Erwin can’t cross-reference anything he’s seeing, but he sees the man making constant mental notes as his ocean-blue eyes catalogue everything that crosses his view.

Arrival at the small off-shore island is a little more uncomfortable than Levi had been hoping for; there is no steady incline of ground leading to the island’s edge for him to settle the row boat against. Instead, Erwin hops out of the little boat and ties a rope around a tree to secure it in place and then helps Levi onto the rocky bluff. Levi looks behind him, as the waves shift the boat around on the rope like a dog on a leash and begs the world not to find a way to untie it whilst they walk and explore.

As predicted, Erwin loves this place. He finds vibrant flowers the likes of which they’ve never seen alongside scuttling crabs, bright red under the canopy of trees. The rocky shore is littered with discarded shells of hermit crabs and snails, and small tidal pools are full of bizarre creatures Levi can’t even begin to name. All of them mesmerise and entice Erwin’s gaze. Levi can’t help but love the look in the man’s eyes as he bends down to observe a sea star crawling on the rocks.

“Imagine!” Erwin says as he draws Levi’s attention to the creature. “Imagine if we’d never found out just how very big our world truly is. If we’d never dared to dream beyond the Walls… we’d never have known that these things were here.”

By mid-afternoon, the men sit on a part of the rocky bluff low enough to the water that they can put their feet into the salty surf. The ocean floor is still too far for Levi to see, especially with the waves distorting his vision, but he sits with his feet in the water and tries not to think about it.

“It’s so hot,” Erwin says, fanning himself with his hand. “Why don’t we go for a swim?”

Levi bristles at that, trying not to show the tension that immediately crawls into his shoulders.

“You can go swimming if you want,” he grouses, folding his arms. “Who knows what filthy shit is in the water? I don’t want to get any more of it on me than I have to.”

There’s a pause as Erwin pouts and then, suddenly, Levi is in the water and his eyes burn from the salt.

The ground. He needs the ground.

No, he needs air. Where is air?

Everything is suddenly confused as he struggles to understand what’s happening. Which way is up? Why is he in the water?

He kicks and kicks and feels his head surface and he tries to take a gasping breath but water fills his mouth as a wave rolls over him and he’s back under the surface again, choking on fluid in his lungs. The presence of the searing saltiness in his lungs makes him cough, bringing more water in and for the first time in a very long time, fear lights his blood on fire as his brain goes foggy. It stretches moments into hours of agony, his lungs filling with water in a never-ending struggle to dispel it.

As Levi’s consciousness starts to slip, a bulky arm hauls him to the surface. Instinct kicks in; he pushes and fights even as he coughs and gags on the water still in his lungs, in his mouth. This must be a Titan, one they forgot to take down. Or maybe they’re learning to swim. Or it’s Kenny, slipping into his room at night and holding a knife to his throat again, to teach him never to be off his guard, even when he’s sleeping.

But wait, isn’t Kenny dead? Is Levi?

Distantly, Levi hears a voice call out to him as he continues to struggle.

“Levi! Relax! It’s me. I’ve got you.”

Whether he trusts the voice or his strength gives out, Levi doesn’t know, but he goes limp in the arm that manuevers him onto his back and hooks under his armpits. He has a distant sense of being hauled up as the last of his consciousness fades.

How long he’s out for, Levi can’t say, but he’s thrust back into the waking world by a pounding on his chest and water spilling painfully out of his mouth. He rolls to his side as he expels the fluid in his lungs followed by the contents of his stomach. He feels Erwin’s hand, large and comforting, on his back, and slowly, his hearing returns, and he hears quiet coaxing.

“That’s right, Levi. There you go, get it out. I’m right here. You’re okay.”

When nothing is left but dry heaving and a throat left raw, Erwin guides Levi to sit up and hands him their canteen. The last thing Levi wants to do right now is put water in his mouth, but the burning in his throat tells him he needs it, so he accepts it and takes halting sips.

“Levi, I’m so sorry. Are you alright?” Erwin shifts dark hair away from silvered eyes, looking deeply into them.

“What? Yeah…” Levi’s voice sounds like a gravel road run over by shoddy carriage wheels. “Why the hell are you apologizing?”

“I… It was my fault,” Erwin’s eyes are practically full of tears. “I thought you were just being grumpy, you know? When you said you didn’t want to go swimming. I was feeling playful and… well, I pushed you in.”

Levi levels a look at Erwin as he tries to comprehend what he’s saying. The look on his face must look more angry than he intends because Erwin continues rambling his apologies.

“I didn’t mean anything by it, Levi, I swear. I just thought it would be fun, you know? We could swim together and then I saw you struggling and I realized you were drowning and…”

“Look, it’s fine,” Levi huffs. He can’t stay mad at Erwin anyway, even if he was angry about it in the first place. “I’m still alive, you pulled me out. It’s fine.”

He waves his hand in the air for emphasis and takes another sip from the canteen.

“I didn’t know you can’t swim,” Erwin says with an air of finality that smacks Levi in the chest at least as hard as the CPR that had forced the water from his lungs.

“Yeah, well…” Levi sighs through his nose, feeling his cheeks flare pink. “I didn’t exactly have a lot of opportunities to learn, growing up.”

“Right…”

They sit in silence for a long while before Erwin offers to row them back to the main shore. He helps Levi onto the boat and then unties the line and steps in. Levi feels his body tense as the boat rocks with the shift in occupancy. Erwin mercifully waits for the boat to steady before he starts to row the boat back to shore.

Once back on the beach, Levi immediately sets to lighting a fire. It’s true that there’s another couple of hours of daylight left, but if experience has taught him anything, it’s that it’s better to light a fire earlier than later. When it’s lit, he sets to drying off and changing, cringing at the feeling of salt sticking to his skin. He can’t wait to have a shower in clean, fresh water again.

He joins Erwin, changed and tending to the fire, and sits next to him. Slowly, he leans his head against Erwin’s thick arm and isn’t surprised when the arm shifts to wrap around him instead, so that Levi can smell the musk of him wafting through his shirt.

“I should have told you I can’t swim,” Levi says after a long silence. “I’m sorry.”

He senses Erwin shake his head with a light hum.

“I’m just glad I was able to get you out safely.”

“You know… growing up, I never even imagined there was such a thing as a lake or a river, let alone something as big as the sea,” Levi continues. He isn’t sure what suddenly has him so talkative, but he feels the need to talk. To explain this odd inadequacy about himself. “The most water I ever saw down there… you know, it was rancid little puddles in the street or in a cup or in the bath house. But even there, the water was barely to my calves, and you didn’t want to stick around in those places, especially when I was a teenager.”

Erwin listens quietly, in that way only he can; that way that Levi knows this information will be burned forever into the other man’s memory, catalogued and stored for future reference.

“Anyway, when you said that you hope you never stop learning things about me, I don’t think this is what you meant. Or… maybe not the way you’d hoped to be learning something new about me.”

That makes Erwin chuckle lightly, and relief washes over Levi, releasing tension in his shoulders he didn’t realize had been building.

“Like I said, I’m just glad you’re safe. Although you did give me a good punch to the jaw as I was trying to get you out.”

“Payback for pushing me in.” Levi chuckles. “Probably gave you a few grey hairs, too.”

“Oh, I hope not,” Erwin says. “I need to keep up my boyish good looks for a little longer.”

At that, Levi pushes Erwin down onto the sand and straddles his broad stomach, looking down at him with an appraising air. He ignores the flush in the blonde’s face in the firelight as he settles his ass on the hard muscles of Erwin’s abs.

“Hmm, I don’t know…” Levi teases. “You’ve stopped slicking back your hair and started to get stubbly. I’m thinking you look more like the homeless vagrant the Survey Corps keeps around as a pet rather than the boyishly charming Erwin Smith.”

Erwin pouts and runs a hand along the stubble.

“I thought you liked the new look. Said it was less ‘Sucking up to fat Mitras Nobles’ and more ‘Isn’t taking people’s shit anymore.’”

Levi laughs and seizes Erwin’s lips in a kiss that – mercifully – does not taste like the sea. He’ll never get tired of exploring Erwin’s mouth with his tongue, or their breath hot on each’s skin as they press lips to jawlines, collarbones, and elsewhere. Levi pulls away, panting quietly, and smiles.

“I love the look, Erwin, you know that.” He leans in for another kiss, whispering against his lips. “Happy birthday.”

#cw: drowning #cw: the ocean is big and scary for some folks idk what that phobia is called #eruri #erwin smith #levi ackerman #give me eruri or give me death #ferricfox writes

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