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#i know its actually 6000 years but still
theonevoice · 6 months
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Have a gold star...
I swear, I started this as a wholesome innocent comment on how when Crowley has to think of a prize, after 6000+ years, his sweet head still goes to stars as the ultimate symbol of something beautiful and cherished.
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But then I was struck by something: sarcasm.
Both times, when he tells someone to "have a gold star," he doesn't say it with a tone of affectionate irony, like the cool-but-sweet uncle with a rough personality but a soft heart. He says it with a tone of bitter sarcasm, of painful disenchantment.
Because it's not a prize that he is offering; it's a sop, a cruel joke-gift, something that will get you excited at first just because you have a stupid, naive, innocent soul, and you will later realize that it means nothing to the one who assigned it to you, and that they are ready to take it away whenever they want, while the rest of the world laughs at your ridiculous gullibility.
Because this is what stars were for him.
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They were his beloved, exciting creation. The star-factory nebula was his cherished task, assigned to him by God, and he believed that it was meant to be a thing of beauty and splendor, and hold value in the grand scheme of the universe... only to discover, immediately after he created it, that it was never intended to have any value at all. It meant nothing to God. It wasn't even planned to last enough to fullfill its purpose. It was a joke, a cruel prank. 
The stars were God's bad pun of giving angel!Crowley something to do, and love, and have hope and expectations for, and then taking it away. Revealing that it was just a shiny piece of gold cardstock that only a simpleton could consider valuable. Of course he can only say "have a gold star" as a dry snarky sarcastic comment on someone who thinks they have achieved something meaningful when it's actually nothing. Be it the Them defeating the Four Horsemen. Be it Muriel being noticed by the Metatron.
Great, sure, have a gold star, be all excited and squealing with happiness, it will turn into ashes before you even know it.
I am not sure that Crowley's snake eyes were ever intended to signal that he cannot see the stars because snakes have bad vision (even ignoring the zoological fact that they are sensitive to UV light though, so they should still see astronomical objects, in the book it says that demons must be able to see at night, and that's why Crowley doesn't need to turn on the lights on the Bentley), but for sure the Fall and Heaven's cruelty has ruined the stars for him, in a way.
Now, in his mind, they are the ultimate symbol of delusion, of naivety, of foolishly investing your love and passion and hopes in something, of stupidly ignoring that the things you cherish will be ruined or taken away from you or leave you on their own accord.
That's also why Aziraphale's "nothing lasts forever" cuts him so deep. That's why his "no... no, I dont' suppose it does" sounds so much like a truth that he is remembering instead of one that he has jsut discovered.
Here you go, you did it again, you thought you had something significant and instead it was just like your stars, you should have known that whenever you find something beautiful it's just a matter of time before you lose it, you shouldn't get too attached.
In s1e6 he says it to the Them, in s2e6 he says it to Muriel. I do hope that in s3e6 he will get the chance to say it again, but this time it will be honest and out of joy, because whatever is going to happen will make him able again to believe that you can be happy, and can hold onto the good things that you love. You can have all the gold stars, for real. They don't always have to disappear and leave you in pain. They can stay with you.
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imagopersonal · 8 months
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Give me coffee or give me death
I don’t believe in the Coffee Theory per se. I think the whole ‘drugged coffee’ thing is a bit too spy movie to be in Good Omens, but- BUT
The fact that that coffee is in the intro;
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The fact that you can see The Metatron in line, waiting for his turn, BEFORE he gets into the coffee shop, like if he was an out of place detail you were supposed to notice and ask yourself questions about;
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The very long and apparently superfluous dialogue about choosing coffee instead of death, and how “predictable” that is;
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The fact that for two seasons we NEVER see Aziraphale drinking coffee, like that’s not his thing, that’s Crowley’s thing, he’s the “six-espressos-in-a-big-cup” guy, Aziraphale drinks hot chocolate or tea, and we have to assume The Metatron knows that, because he went into that coffee shop and asked for such a specific thing that makes you think that’s something he chose specifically for Aziraphale (who still doesn’t drink coffee, so why?).
He looks reluctant at the idea of drinking it at first
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but he accepts it out of courtesy, I presume, and this is the face he makes when he tries it:
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Even he is surprised he liked it. He’s on Earth since 6000 years, so we can assume he tried coffee before and chose not to drink it. He’s either lying about liking it out of courtesy, or this is the only coffee he’s ever enjoyed, and The Metatron knew he would have liked it and chose that coffee on purpose.
So, the coffee is either important as a physical element, as something that had an actual effect on Aziraphale and changed him somehow, or it’s important in its metaphorical significance. In Good Omens almost everything is metaphorical, so the second option is very likely.
Now, what’s the coffee supposed to represent? The only certain thing we know, is that the coffee is something The Metatron offers Aziraphale, so it probably represents the offer he’s about to make.
Considering the whole “Does anyone ever choose death?” conversation, considering the fact that we don’t know how the conversation between The Metatron and Aziraphale went, we only know the version Aziraphale chooses to tell Crowley, and considering The Metatron is the angel that decided to erase Gabriel’s memory just because he said “nah” about Armageddon 2.0 and Aziraphale is the traitor, the one who stopped the Armageddon 1.0, so The Metatron has no reason to be friendly with him, my question is:
Did Aziraphale actually have a choice?
Or the alternative was worse than leaving Crowley and the bookshop?
Was it actually coffee or death?
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Omg your sibling scara is the cutest!!! Could you do some head cannons of them when they where younger? Like how they would spend time together like collecting flowers, ingredients, stuff like that? ❤️
SAGAU BUT YOU DESCENDED EARLIER THAN EXPECTED
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❀ synopsis: the sacred scriptures stated that 6000 years from now you would descend to Teyvat once more. Thousands of years passed and it's now 200 years until you descend. Little do they know, you defy the holy scriptures and descended 200 years earlier than what was prophecized, just in time for Kabukimono to find you homeless and broke.
❀ notes: guys I still haven't made it to Inazuma so please bare with me on this one. And also keep note since the reader is the "divine creator" they are immortal in this headcanon.
❀ pronouns: they/them
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When Scaramouche was left behind by Ei he didn't have anywhere to go and continued to wander mindlessly in the woods. Soon he found a small pavilion and decided to stay there to shield himself from the rain. Most of his days consist of sleeping and exploring to find any sort of fruit to get his hands on. But one day when the rain was pouring the sky split open and a human falls from the sky. It was only for a second before it closed again.
He rushes towards you when you fell harshly to the ground, he observes you for a moment when he saw your strange attire. How did you fall off the sky? Why did you fall from the sky? Did your mother leave you here too? He quickly leaves his trance to bring you under the pavilion with him since you might fall ill.
Most of his days consist of staying with you on the beach side. He would sometimes follow you around like a duckling when he notices you exploring since he has nothing better to do anyway. When you sleep he would cuddle onto your side and stay there for as long as you're unconscious.
he thinks you're strange, he doesn't understand why you would touch his hair or pinch his cheeks when all he did was sit down and do nothing. And sometimes you would educate him on things he didn't know about. His favorite moments are when he would lay himself beside you while you tell him stories about another world.
He wants to thank you for all that you have taught him, but finding exquisite gifts in a place far from civilization is hard. So most of his gifts consist of giving you flowers or helping you cook by finding ingredients. You had to save him from electro slimes more than once its not even funny-
When the both of you made it to the village of Tatarasuna he always asks for your assistance in helping him with basic needs. Most villagers would look at both of you and consider you siblings and Scaramouche would agree. If you clarify to the villagers that you two are in fact not siblings he would be dumbfounded, you don't consider him as your brother? But you both have been living together for a long time! A-are you going to leave him soon then?
His habit of sleeping beside you never passes, if you both have separate rooms he wouldn't be able to sleep. Not when the nightmares of you leaving haunt him every night. So when your fast asleep in the middle of the night Scaramouche would enter your room and shake you awake, claiming he had another nightmare again and asking if he can sleep beside you. If you don't wake up he will cuddle beside you anyway, holding you tight before sleeping himself.
After the two betrayals he would consider you as one of his ONLY trusted allies, he would never tell anyone that he considers you as family. What if they use you against him? Or worse, what if they try to get close to you and you abandon him for them? He can't risks that.
Once it's known that you are actually the Divine Creator of Teyvat it now makes sense to him why you fell down from the sky all those centuries ago. But he wouldn't treat you any different, so what about his sibling being the almighty creator? They are still his family, he wouldn't subject you to high expectations. But that doesn't mean he wouldn't be overprotective. Cause now you have all these new responsibilities, plus your clingy pets- *cough* excuse him- acolytes are always with you, and he barely gets to spend time with you! And it infuriates him to no end.
Why can't they just leave him and his sibling alone? He was the first person you met when you descended, so what right do they have to think they can take you away from him?
"You don't need to be around those bumbling idiots all the time. Just ditch them and travel with me. I know a place where those pests won't follow us."
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goodomensjail · 8 months
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HUGE SPOILER: SCENE 1 SEQUENCE TO THE BEST OF MY 2 FREE DRINKS IN MEMORY:
We open in a dark space before creation. There is a pre-fall “Crowley” with white robes, white wings, and short curly red hair (no snake eyes). He is struggling to hold his plans straight so he shouts to the void for some help from what appears to be a falling star, which then takes shape into an equally white robed and winged Aziraphale.
Angel Crowley asks for this (apparently lesser) angel to help him create a nebula by holding his plans for him. Angel Crowley then uses a hand crank a la Bentley from season 1 to spin into existence a beautiful nebula. Angel Crowley explains eagerly and delightedly that it is a star factory; Aziraphale is delighted and compliments him and tries to introduce himself by name, obviously hoping Angel Crowley will do the same. But Angel Crowley actually is barely paying attention and misses the opportunity to introduce himself and we do not get his name (which is either a. important because when we DO get his real angel name it will be a MOMENT [Raphael?] or b. this provides the explanation for WHY in the garden of eden Anzirphale didnt know Demon Crowley's name).
Aziraphale then tells Crowley that though this nebula is beautiful, it apparently is planned to be destroyed in 6000 years, which upsets Crowley. Azirpahale also says Earth and “people” are about to be made and that the purpose of the stars and nebulas is for humans to gaze up at them in wonder. This also upsets Crowley who feels these star systems should exist for some greater purpose than humans to just look at.
Angel Crowley decides he may need to give some suggestions to God, to which Aziraphale cautions him to be very careful about giving too many suggestions to the almighty ("its not like she has a suggestion box or anything") or asking too many questions of the great plan. “How much trouble can I get in for a few suggestions anyway” says Crowley, as a shower of stars begins. Angel Crowley opens his wing to shield Aziraphale from the falling stars of his new nebula.
OPENING CREDITS
**Note EDIT: I have been told by others directly in messages who were at the screening that YES Crowley says something to the effect of "arent you gorgeous" and Aziraphale thinks he is speaking to him for a beat before realizing its about the stars I do not recall the spoiler going around that Crowley says “aren’t you gorgeous” to a star and Aziraphale mistakes it for complimenting him. Though it fits with the general shy and adoring vibe from Aziraphale in the scene and the Doctor Who-ish wonder of Crowley for his nebula. Me not noting it or remembering it now doesn’t make it not true tho I coulda missed it cuz I was happily giggling to much
***Note 2: I thought Crowley had David Tennant’s normal eye color NO SNAKE EYES for sure, but I have seen some from the screening say his eyes were purple. I didn’t note that but I don’t want to go as far as say they are wrong
***NOTE 3: apparently im still in tumblr jail and cannot respond to comments even on this added blog.... The falling stars/meteor shower is NOT the fall from grace of the angels, it appears to be a normal star shower caused by the Nebula and it mirrors the rain scene; Crowley uses his wing to shield Aziraphale from the falling stars.
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cyanide-cirby · 8 months
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Crowley is Raphael and you can fight me
im already doing a whole essay on aziraphale and why he made the choice he did episode 6 so i may as well do one on crowley too, and of course yall know what its gonna be about
i 100% believe that Crowley was the archangel Raphael before he fell, and here are my reasons why, broken down to make them a bit more easily digestible
spoilers abound
on archangels
in judaism and christianity (depending on your beliefs) there are said to be seven main archangels. who those archangels are varies between the two, but something interesting is that the show never confirms or denies, during the scene where we are at the crucifixion, whether or not jesus IS the son of god in this universe, so we don’t know for sure whether or not we’re talking judaism or christianity. however in both only four archangels are named consistently:
Michael, Gabriel, Uriel, and Raphael
Sandalaphon is not an archangel in the scriptures, though he is in literature (some of his earliest sources actual say he is the prophet Elijah made into an angel interestingly enough) and Saraqael is another name for the archangel Sariel who isnt talked abt a whole lot but is specifically listed as one of the seven
michael, gabriel, uriel, sandalaphon, saraqael, that’s 5 archangels, we’re missing two
based on the fall itself and the fact that crowley attributes his falling to asking questions and talking to “Lucifer and the guys” we can assume he was the 6th archangel, and likely the head archangel before gabriel as the fall is usually attributed to lucifer being jealous that his spot as “favorite” was stolen by the earth
thats 6 archangels of the 7
considering Raphael is one of the most recognizable of the archangels, it’s weird that as of yet he hasn’t been mentioned At All as of yet in the book or series, yes?
(i would bring up the fact that raphael is the archangel of Healing but gabriel is head archangel fsr even though he should essentially just be an angelic hermes so i dont think that has much merit on the story neil is telling, but i could be proven delightfully incorrect so who knows)
on starmaking
even when it was first brought we knew that there was something Significant about the fact that crowley helped Create stars
i mean for one, nobody at that point had mentioned creation, aside from when talking about god creating the earth, and you would think, if it was a normal thing for an angel to Create, wouldn’t it have been mentioned before? wouldn’t we have heard about aziraphale Creating something?
so we knew it was significant, even if we didn’t know Why
then we got to see it happen, watch the incredible display of power, see the interaction between prefall!crowley and aziraphale, and we get a few more insights
it is certainly something that not many get to do, judging by aziraphale’s polite confusion the whole time he’s helping, and also crowley can do it by himself, which means he is both powerful and important most likely
this is further supported by the fact aziraphale does not ask him for his name and seems to already know who he is, even expecting him to know more than he does on the earth project
skip to when we’re up in heaven and we get even more evidence from saraqael when she states that she helped him build a nebula, but why, and this is based entirely on what ive seen of heaven so far, would a archangel help a regular angel build a nebula? wouldn’t the archangel be able to do it by themself?
crowley is able to do it by himself
on the file
speaking of the scene in heaven, he opened a classified file in heaven
while the fact that he’s able to open/touch it at all is amazing (and while i Can believe that heaven hasnt changed the passwords in the 6000 years since he’d fallen, i have my own theory on why he’s actually able to still access them) lets focus instead on the fact that he knew he’d be able to open it based on the info he was given
muriel, based on what she stated during gabriel’s demotion, is one of the lowest ranks of angel, thus she is unable to open the classified folder, stating someone would have to be at least a dominion in order to open it, and crowley then proceeds to nonchalantly open it
dominions are the highest rank of the second sphere in the angel hierarchy, which means that at the very least, crowley was an entire sphere above aziraphale when he was an angel (as principalities are the highest rank of the third sphere)
dominions however are meant to rule over the lower spheres and humanity, and if crowley were a dominion i believe he would’ve probably known a bit more about the earth project than he did and wouldve been focusing on that rather than making stars
(i would assume that meant that he was one of the first sphere ranks, a Throne, Cherubim or Seraphim, but if that were the case i believe they would’ve been mentioned specifically)
on the stars
ive already made a post about this but im gonna go into more detail abt it here, because the deeper you go the more real-life evidence starts to pop up and I think its cool
during the scene with crowley shielding aziraphale from the star shower with his wing, right above him is a very specific part of a very specific nebula. the Pillars of Creation, something the fandom joked about crowley having created it likely because of the name
what’s interesting is that the pillars are part of a nebula called the Eagle nebula, which is a part if the Serpens constellation, and the pillars themselves do actually do what crowley describes to aziraphale, making new stars from the gases and dust around
you heard me right, the pillars of creation are in the SNAKE constellation, and the specific snake the constellation is of lends even more proof to the theory that crowley is raphael
in greek myth (where we get most of our constellation stories from) the specific serpent that is portrayed in the constellation is that held by the healer asclepius, who is a son of apollo and greek god of medicine. he carries a staff wrapped with a singular snake called a asklepian (not to be confused with the staff wrapped with two snakes called a caduceus which is carried by hermes) which has become a symbol for medicine and healthcare in modern times
so the fact that he specifically made this area of space is either an amazing coincidence or neil specifically made it so that he made this nebula
on how it was presented
the fact that we didn’t get almost any info about crowley as an angel aside from the first episode, the bit from job that confirmed they remembered meeting, and the last episode to me was the right choice considering the story neil wanted to tell with this season
he opened with one of our most burning questions from the last season, gave us just enough to keep us guessing, established a major point in the dynamic (that they both remember), and then thoroughly distracted us until giving us more just-barely-info
each tiny kernel of info he gave us about prefall!crowley was tailor fit to keep our attention and show that while this question was not his focus for this season, he does have an answer for us its just not time yet. he gave us information that would make us Think and Theorize and Question and if that isnt such a crowley way to tease us with the answer
im done for now, i may add more at some point but this is all i got for the moment and i have to work more on my az essay lol
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catsteinbooks · 5 months
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The Thin Dark Duke of Hell
Haven't actually written a meta before, but I've been mulling this around in my head, so here's my take on why I think Crowley is likely to be a Duke of Hell in season 3.
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Reason 1: it makes narrative sense
From a story-telling perspective, it's the logical starting place for season 3. Especially if we consider how the original idea was developed as a sequel to the book.
There's no body-swap in the book. Neither Aziraphale nor Crowley has heard from "their sides" at the end, so technically they're still connected to Heaven and Hell. They haven't been punished or kicked out. They even speculate that maybe everyone will just pretend it didn't happen.
And now we're approaching the Second Coming. The Big One. "All of us against all of them." Where are our heroes? Well, time has passed, things have happened. It's reasonable to think that maybe they've both been promoted. (Crowley, in particular, is often getting promotions, usually for things he didn't do.) And story-wise, they're set up as opposite numbers, so it makes sense that their positions as the sequel story begins will be of similar status.
Applying this concept to the screen version, we know Aziraphale has been offered the Supreme Archangel position. Therefore, if Crowley is to be his counterpart, he has to have a high rank in Hell. And there's a Duke of Hell opening to be filled. (Sorry, Shax, I think Crowley's going to snatch it out from under you.)
Reason 2: it fits Crowley's character
"What?!" you shout. "Crowley hates Hell! He turned them down! He doesn't want to go back!"
Correct. He doesn't. But he will if he thinks he needs to. Because he and Aziraphale have a huge, defining commonality: they love Earth and Humanity and don't want it to be destroyed.
Yeah, Crowley will probably wallow for a while. He deserves some time to get insanely drunk and cry. Sort of like he did when he thought Aziraphale was dead in season 1. But the thing is, Crowley always comes back. He's always ready to run. He always threatens to run. He hops in his car and drives somewhere. But he never actually leaves. Because there's no point in going away somewhere without Aziraphale. And that hasn't changed. If Crowley ran away now, he'd still be miserable, but without any music or whisky or his Bentley. It would be... pointless.
So what's a heartbroken, grieving, furious demon to do? Vent his pain in the best possible way: thwarting everyone and everything who hurt him and took away the angel he adores. He knows what Heaven is planning, because he saw it in Gabriel's file. He doesn't want Earth destroyed, he doesn't want Heaven or Hell to win. And he has an opportunity to sabotage the whole thing from the inside.
Which leads us to...
Reason 3: Crowley has a way into Hell already
There is a great meta here about Crowley's conversation with Beelzebub in Hell and its potential season 3 impact. The TL;DR version is: Crowley DID technically find Gabriel, and Beelzebub promised him anything he wanted (including being a Duke of Hell) in return.
Is it a somewhat dubious contract? Sure. Would that stop Crowley? *snort laugh* The demon who makes up legal clauses on the spot to save humans is well-equipped to argue his way into Hell's highest position in order to save the entire world. It's probably much easier than driving a flaming Bentley all the way to Tadfield.
So where does this leave us?
Aziraphale is up in Heaven, ready to burn it to the ground. You saw him when the Metatron mentioned the Second Coming. That was not a happy angel ready to do what he's told. And, frankly, Aziraphale is not actually capable of doing what he's told IMO. No matter how much he tries to follow the good/evil dynamic, he ultimately ends up choosing what is Right over what is Good.
Crowley in Hell would be doing the same kind of thing, albeit in a more subtle, sneaky way. After all, he spent 6000 years thwarting Hell all over the place and getting away with it the vast majority of the time. He knows how to mess with them. (And can you just imagine what would happen when demons like Eric asked him questions and he answered them?! He could gather his own little army with one Suggestion Box.)
So when shit hits the fan, as it inevitably will, we'll be left with both our ineffable heroes (gn) poised to do the exact same thing: destroy the machine from the inside.
Even if some of the other fan speculations prove true (memory wipes, for instance), I think it still makes narrative sense to have them both in equal-but-opposite positions. Because no matter how much the enemies are trying to mess with them, if you take a certain angel with an opportunity to fuck up Heaven and a certain demon with an opportunity to fuck up Hell and you bring them together (which, let's be honest, has to happen no matter what the storyline is), it's going to be pretty darn epic.
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inhonoredglory · 8 months
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I think it makes sense to say that angels as ethereal beings in heaven are sexless but if one or two spend 6000 years on earth BEING male-sexed human bodies it no longer makes sense. As people keep recognising, eating food, drinking and driving fast among other things are all deeply embodied experiences and these have fundamentally changed them as people. The whole Jesus story is the same deal, being embodied human is transformative. We live in a time when the concept of embodiment is deeply unfashionable and Cartesian dualism is entrenched, where endless body mods and casual drugs and careless manipulation of core human physiology is enacted with barely an afterthought for deep-reaching and irreversible consequences, but it's a deeply sick framework for seeing the world
(In response to this meta about ineffables and romance/asexuality)
First of all, they don’t have “male-sexed human bodies.” They are literally "sexless unless they really want to make an effort” (Good Omens, 1990).
Like all of Neil Gaiman’s angels and demons (see The Sandman), Aziraphale and Crowley have no set genitalia, don’t (by default) engage in sexual activity, and they don’t always present or dress as male through history (although they often do).
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critical-gemini-hero (excerpt): "Good Omens is the first big show I’ve seen to basically avoid transphobia all together when the opportunity presented itself, and even say fuck you to the gender binary as a bonus." Neil Gaiman (excerpt): "Thank you! That was definitely what we were going for." (source)
So no, they quite literally do not have “male-sexed human bodies” and they do not ascribe to human gender norms.
In addition, what you are suggesting is that “being in a male human body” equates to “feeling male” and “feeling sexual” because “the body dictates internal experience.”
There are literally millions of people, actual human beings living in physical bodies, who (despite living in culture) still DO NOT feel that the gender assigned to their bodies is reflective of their lived, internal experience. Merely having physical attributes does not mean you have a corresponding internal experience. You can be forced by your parents, teachers, elders, peers and everyone else to FEEL a certain way because of your “sexed human body” but it won’t make it true inside you.
If one's internal experience were so unimportant, then we wouldn't have 82% of transgender individuals consider suicide (source) because of the stigma of trying to get out of the norms assigned to them because of their "sexed human bodies."
Aziraphale and Crowley have lived in history long enough to know how varied and complicated the concepts of gender AND sex have been historically. As spiritual beings, I think seeing how much humanity has varied in its ideas on sex and gender only confirms to them how unlike humans they are (with humanity’s obsession with genitalia, sex, reproduction… food, shelter, warmth, breathing––all things that angels and demons do not need to survive).
They love humanity, they love its pleasures and inventions, but they are still very much detached from it. Looking like humans definitely doesn't help them feel like humans at all. (Look at how they talk about us!)
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What are we, sniffer dogs??? They don't know what we feel like on the inside or how our biology works (we sure ain't sniffer dogs) because despite some surface appearances, they don't have the same internal experiences as us. Despite being here since the dawn of time. Despite looking like us in many ways.
They can magic up clothing and sideburns and eldritch heads to scare trigger-happy corporate men, and yet somehow gender and sex (as specifically Western-binary concepts) are something they'd totally get down with?
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Also, your line of reasoning imagines people having no internal motivation or desire and suddenly get a tattoo and start to become a “bad person” or something. Yes, of course changing our bodies can affect our psychology, but our internal identity much more often influences our bodily choices than the other way around. I'm taking the drugs because I'm already depressed. I'm getting the tat because I want something cool on my body. I'm taking testosterone because I want my inner identity reflected in some ways on my physical body.
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felicitywilds · 7 months
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been seein a few popular posts about what could Happen in season 3 that i think are kind of missing the mark a bit when it comes to crowley and aziraphale’s characters and both of their approaches to their relationship? so heres my take
aziraphale is a fighter: all throughout the book and season 1, he’s done his best to fight for what he thinks is right. the fatal flaw in this position is that he only ever does it within the confines of his faith and position as an angel: protesting punishing job until God’s Orders are cited; excusing his eating habits to gabriel by saying it helps him ‘blend in’ on earth; even after an entire day of listing things he wouldn’t be able to enjoy on earth anymore, crowley was only able to convince aziraphale to help him raise the antichrist by framing it as ‘thwarting wiles’ (ie. doing his job). aziraphale has always had a lot of conflict with how his and heaven’s ideals align-- this is why aziraphale went to heaven, so he could make the rules he’s so hesitant to break work for him instead of against him.
crowley on the other hand, is a flier: at the slightest sign of trouble he can’t fix, he flees. no, he does not want to dismantle the systems of heaven and hell, he wants to run away forever and never think about them again! he’s canonically tried to do this at least four times! but the fatal flaw in this position is that it means he sees everything he’s built and collected in 6000 years as disposable, which is not unlike how heaven and hell also think about the earth. he’s built a fragile, peaceful existence for himself, but is willing to run away and dump it all the second its peace and fragility is threatened by something he can’t control.
understanding both of these attitudes makes the middle ground where they realize their mistakes and come together again painfully obvious (imo): its earth! literally the ground in the middle between heaven and hell. crowley and aziraphale both already know that the other is worth protecting-- aziraphale wants to go to heaven so being together won’t be against the rules, and crowley wants to run away so heaven and hell can’t destroy them for being together-- so the revelation that needs to be reached in season 3 is that their lives and their history and their home is worth protecting too. beelzebub and gabriel had ‘heaven/hell is wherever you are’, but that kind of attitude (even ‘to the world’/they are each others world) doesn’t work for crowley and aziraphale because they spent 6000 years building something that makes simply being together synonymous with being on earth.
after all, the Really Big One is going to be all of us vs. all of them-- heaven and hell against all of humanity. when crowley and aziraphale have this exchange in the book and season 1, i fully believe that both them assume that when they say “us”, it means heaven and hell-- even after everything that happened, they’re still aligning themselves against the earth and the history they have there. which is why, after all their wonderful and inevitable character development in season 3, they’re going to realize that “us” actually means humanity.
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the more that ive thought about it (it of course being the argument clip), the more that i need to get something off my chest and defend aziraphale - not necessarily against anyone, not saying anyone is attacking him, but whilst crowley is my special apple crimble crumble boy, aziraphale is the goodest lil dude and there is nothing i wouldn't do for that messy man-
i think what a lot people forget about aziraphale is that he is so fucking clever, he is arguably more intelligent than crowley, but has the irksome, painful dichotomy of being kind. what kinda upset me in the clip is that crowley almost addresses aziraphale as if he's stupid, when he's anything but. aziraphale is fully aware that gabriel, michael, uriel etc are all wankers, he's not oblivious to it, but aziraphale is an unfailingly empathetic and compassionate angel, and will try to always see the best in people.
the fandom sometimes mistakes this for naivety or even ignorance, and it's not - aziraphale is not naive, he knows that these angels are shits and treat him poorly, but aziraphale has a pretty strong view on what an angel should be, what they should embody, and even though he knows deep down these other angels don't really follow the same blueprint, he hopes and he tries to remain optimistic and see the best in them. he hopes to be forgiven for his trespasses just as he forgives those who trespass against him✨
and so by the end of s1 i think he really does give up on being an angel ("just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing" got the most satisfied, bashful grin on him we've ever seen) and instead is just a good person. and i think crowley fails to realise or accept this - not bc he's stupid either, but i think he sometimes really underestimates aziraphale and possibly because he thinks (possibly due to his own trauma- the apocalypse as well as the Fall) that god will never love a being that isn't good and godly at the same time. he can't accept that that the two things, being good and being godly, are entirely different concepts, and that in aziraphale the two must go hand in hand.
aziraphale understands the difference, and knows that he can still be loved by god even if he doesn't align himself with heaven anymore. so therefore its a real foreign idea, a ludicrous concept, to crowley that aziraphale is still being kind to gabriel, being compassionate, when in his mind this is the angel that wanted to kill them both and is a first class wanker to boot.
but i think that does actually show that, not in any way maliciously or intentionally but likely just as a projection borne out of anger and possibly self-hatred, crowley is thinking appalling little of aziraphale right now. does he really believe that the angel that he slithered up next to on the wall and who not only didn't smite him on sight but also conversed with him and listened to him and sheltered him from the first rain whilst not even bothering to shelter himself is incapable of being kind without being heaven's puppet?
so yes i totally get where crowley is coming from, and whilst it kills me a little inside to think that crowley might consider himself so unworthy of kindness and affection unless it originates from a systematic compulsive side effect of being a Holy Entity, i think he's being grossly unfair to aziraphale in not realising even after 6000 years of knowing him that aziraphale might just simply be a really kind person.
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starbaby-7 · 6 months
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Just mustered up the courage to rewatch episode 6 of Good Omens 2 and I have a whole new slew of thoughts. Whole new slew of observations.
One:
Metatron orders an oat milk latte with almond milk. Which, is a pretty specific drink for someone who is just ordering a coffee Aziraphale. So I got to thinking, and I went digging.
Biblically and spiritually Oats were thought to represent feelings of safety, enhancing an individuals feelings of comfort and safety in dire situations. A comfort food.
On the other hand, almonds represent purity and the ability to have be more godly and holy. To make more godly decisions or, in this instance, heavens decisions.
Metatron is no fool, he knew exactly what he was doing. Stating earlier in the shop when Nina said no one picked death responding with “I don’t suppose they do, so predictable.” And later on when he offers Aziraphale the drink commenting “oh yes I better think so.” When Aziraphale comments on its lovely flavor.
If Aziraphale is anything, it’s gluttonous. He enjoys food and drink and good company and comfort from things he takes pleasures in. So of course Metatron’s olive branch from heaven would come in the form of a cup of coffee.
Two:
“I’ve consumed a few things in my time.”
This is such a strange line to me, it felt too on the nose and sinister. Metatron stares at Aziraphale drinking the coffee and says this. And I don’t think for a moment he is referring to food. Being the voice of god, I’m sure he has dealt with a great deal many angels and demons. Probably without any parties aware of it, maybe even the almighty herself being unaware.
Three:
When The Breakup happens and Metatron walks into the bookshop he says :
“He always did like going his own way, asking all those questions.” When referring to Crowley.
This is SUPER DUPER interesting to me because it implies, really, Crowley’s only crime against heaven was asking questions. Which we knew to an extent form Crowleys own claims on the matter but for it to be confirmed this way felt gut wrenching. Crowley is and never has been evil or demonic. He was curious and that was punishable in heavens eyes to be cast down.
Four:
When Metatron and Aziraphale are leaving there are so so so many times Aziraphale looks for a way out. Broken sentences, body language facing away and out towards Crowley. His glances always in Crowleys direction, like a child being pulled in two directions and unable to voice properly what they want. Which is exactly what the situation is, isn’t it?
I think, as a fandom, we sort of glossed over the trauma Aziraphale endures as a being who remains to be an angel. Heaven, his home, a toxic parent beckoning you with the promise of a warm hug after a millennia of beatings. But nevertheless the promise of that warmth is so tempting. And we know, Aziraphale is STARVING. Starving for anything, he always has been. Especially acceptance from Heaven.
And Crowley represents everything he ever wanted, unconditional and without hesitation. But, there’s still a sense of fear within Aziraphale regarding his love for Crowley. A guilt, and the high he was feelings from seeing Beezlebub and Gabriel do what he always wanted wore off horribly fast at the prospect of eliminating that guilt by restoring Crowleys angelic grace. Which is something we all know was a lie.
Five:
I don’t think the coffee had any sort of mind control anything within it. Metatron didn’t need to do that. He just needed to show what the coffee represented. It was quite simple of a task, so the Coffee Theory is out.
Six:
The elevator fade out is SO IMPORTANT. Because Crowleys expression doesn’t change, he’s hit rock bottom he’s alone with no amount of fresh information to tell him otherwise. For all he knows life as it’s been for all these 6000 years is over.
But Aziraphale’s does, quite a lot actually. It goes from shock, to stoic determination to straight up smirking. We know, from all we have seen of him that at his core Aziraphales motives lie in love and the desire to look after Earth and people. He is a being driven by what angels are supposed to be driven by. That’s his crime, that’s why Metatron had to get him away from Earth. But at the prospect of the Second Coming, Aziraphales motives suddenly become quite evident. He spared a glance at Crowley, which is pivotal to the moment. It’s saying so much. If he had meant to just go to Heaven and never return why look at Crowley? It’s like a romance scene, breakup in the rain with the question: which one of us has the courage to turn around? Crowley never looked away, Aziraphale spared that glance.
Stopping the end is he and Crowleys jobs, the protect humanity, they have their own rules. Aziraphale knows that, he trusts that ability. But he knows he can’t do that if he doesn’t go along with whatever is happening in Heaven. The best way for him to figure out how to stop this is to go into the belly of it.
That brings me back to this line:
“Oh, but saving me makes him so happy.”
Aziraphale has a plan, like always does, and this time it won’t be Crowley saving him. But him saving Crowley.
That glance was a promise.
THE END THANKS FOR MY RANT ALMOST THREE MONTHS POST BOOKSHOP DIVORCE.
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onestepbackwards · 10 months
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Love That Bites Pt. 6
Hello! Welcome to the next installment of my Dracula x Belmont!Reader series! It’s been a while, but its finally here! Reading so many kind comments really helped me push through writing this 💚
It took forever to get this finished. My health has not been doing well with how the weather has been flip flopping the past few weeks. Going from a drought, to rain and heat on and off was not good for me. The rains backed off a bit, so now its just the humid heat i have to deal with ^-^’
I hope you guys enjoy though! To makeup for it, I made this chapter over 6000 words! If you wish to officially be on the tag list, please let me know!
Summary: After waking up and making a chilling discovery, you make the decision to head back home. You try to get into a routine of things, but slowly, you feel as if your life is crumbling apart. For some reason, your only solace seems to be Dracula’s statue and his castle. Dracula meanwhile observes as you seem to be growing worse for wear, a gnawing feeling of dread growing in his gut with each visit.
CW: Toxic and abusive family, mentions of repeating illness, anxiety, mentions of injury, nihilistic thinking.
Word Count: 6196 Words!
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You weren’t entirely sure when you began to regain consciousness.
All you really knew was how stiff your body had become, and how tired you still were.
That wasn’t completely it, either. You may still have been tired, but for once in your life? You felt rested.
It had been years since you felt like you had gotten any decent sleep. The fact you actually felt rested, even after the odd dreams you had, was quite the achievement.
Speaking of dreams, you tried desperately to cling to what you remembered as you began to wake.
You didn’t remember much, like what you saw. All you could really remember was what you felt.
A strange warmth, and the feeling of being held. Like someone holding you gently, but unwilling to let go. A warmth you so desperately craved to crawl back to.
Faintly, you could also remember a voice. However, you couldn’t remember what was said. All you could make out was that the person, a man, was trying to get your attention.
It was odd. The more you tried to pay attention, the farther the voice seemed to get. At that moment, it was like everything was slipping through your fingers like water.
You wanted more, but alas, you found yourself waking up against your will.
The carpet was the first thing you noticed, besides how stiff you were. It was fluffy under your touch, and still somehow comfortable. Your fingers curled into the light fuzz as you slowly woke.
Face scrunching up, you let out a groan as a flash of light blipped behind your eyelids, followed by a low rumble of thunder.
Rain? Where were you again?
Mentally, you went through everything in your head, when you suddenly remembered exactly where you were.
You almost sat up when your heart rate spiked, but calmed down as you blinked your eyes open.
Considering you were still alive, and still on the carpet in the main hall, you were most likely fine.
“Ugh… how long was I out…?” You mumbled, and pushed yourself up, trying to blink the fog away in your vision.
“Still, that was one of the best naps I’ve had in- HOLY-“
You couldn’t help but shriek as you scrambled back, falling right back on your ass as you scurried away from the statue.
Said statue had moved.
Dracula no longer had been reaching towards the middle of the room.
Instead, he had been reaching out towards you.
His head had been tilted downward towards you as well. The vampire’s head was looking in your direction, facing the ground where you had been laying.
“What the fuck.” You whispered, your heart hammering in your chest. It was as if you couldn’t move, could hardly breath-
How? How had he moved?
Standing up in a mild panic, you made sure to keep your distance as you eyed the statue warily.
Curious, and a bit frightened, you circled the statue, noting the differences while your hand hovered above your whip.
After examining him for a few minutes, you hesitantly relaxed a bit.
It seemed whatever had happened, Dracula was still cursed. He just somehow managed to move slightly while you were sleeping.
That was a thought that sent chills down your spine.
Still, he hadn’t moved since you woke up, so that was a plus.
It was still incredibly freaky though.
Gathering your courage, you inched a little closer to the statue, and got a better look at his face.
It wasn’t such an angry snarl anymore, more like a look of… desperation? You weren’t entirely sure what to call it.
Thankfully, it at least didn’t look angry. You think.
There was also his hand, it was still outstretched, but…
The hand wasn’t tense, with his claws outstretched. It looked more like he was simply reaching toward you.
If you didn’t know any better, you’d say his body language suggested he wasn’t trying to attack you in your sleep.
Then again… you could be reading too much into it.
Regardless, you couldn’t stop the inkling thoughts that pressed in the back of your mind. As a hunter, you had to be observant, more so than the average person.
Which meant learning body language.
And this just screamed lack of aggression. Interest, but no signs of anger. Not like before.
It… unnerved you. Something that should have at least been a relief, made you incredibly wary.
Why?
Why would he move now? What did you do for him to suddenly do so? Could he move this whole time?
This at least more or less (hopefully) confirmed one thing. He had to be somewhat aware of his surroundings.
You had no idea to what extent he was aware of, but he had to at least be able to see you, given he had been reaching for your sleeping form.
That did raise another question. If he could see, could he hear? Could he feel things through the stone? Could he taste? Smell?
It brought about several questions, and only offered educated guesses at best.
Heaving your chest with a sigh, you pressed a hand against your face, trying to think.
“What am I going to do…?”
At least, a small part of you was somewhat comforted. Chances were, he probably could feel things, not just see things.
If you had attacked him, he would have been forced to watch, and feel as you tried to kill him.
Oh, if that thought didn’t make you feel a little nauseous-
If you had really struck down the statue, he very well could have been hurt, and had been aware and felt it.
Sure, you knew it was a possibility, but actually confronting that thought now that you knew he was somewhat alive? It made your palms feel clammy.
“So… you are alive… I’m… not crazy.” You mumbled at the statue. His face was still turned downward, but if this was true, he was hearing your every word.
Carefully, you lowered yourself to your knees, and looked at his face once more.
He… looked so… intense? Desperate?
You wouldn’t say that outloud, but it also felt odd to refer to him as such. The King of the Night, looking so determined while reaching for you.
Without thinking, you found yourself reaching forward to cup his face. Before you could even make contact, you froze, before pulling your hand away.
No. Bad idea. Why would you do that.
Last thing you needed was showing any affection and getting attached.
That was like a number one rule. Never get attached until you know damn sure whatever you want to get close to won’t hurt you.
With another sigh, you rubbed your temples.
What would you do now? Leave?
It wasn’t like you really had a choice. You had been here for who knows how long, and no doubt you’d have to deal with a pissed off step father the longer you stayed.
But could you just leave him here like this?
You wanted to curse. This was the same damn dilemma you had been dealing with ever since you first saw this stupid castle. You were getting tired of fighting yourself in your head over all of this.
Reluctantly, you stood up, catching yourself as you wobbled a bit on your feet.
“Seems I still have a lot of resting to do…” you mumbled as your vision spun just slightly.
Yeah, you were definitely still a little sick, but you were feeling leagues better than you were a few days ago.
“I… I gotta get home soon.” You muttered, holding your head in one of your hands.
Silently, you looked over at the statue again before turning to leave.
“I’ll… I’ll be back soon. I promise.”
It was weird. Everything was weird. Now that the statue seemingly was noticeably alive, you felt different on how to approach and act around it.
Though maybe you shouldn’t act different?
More and more thoughts swam in your head as you groaned. No, you did not need to do more mental gymnastics.
Carefully, you began to leave the throne room, noting how heavy the atmosphere had become. Depressing? Frustrated? You couldn’t place it, but you certainly related to the feeling.
You didn’t notice the eyes barely managing to tun upward to watch you leave.
As you made your slow descent through the castle, you fought back an ever growing headache as you thought about your situation.
Something that was becoming more common than you’d like to admit.
If Dracula really was somewhat alive, you couldn’t help but sympathize for the guy. It had been a few decades since he had been sealed, around 20 something years.
No doubt he was going mad. You were probably the most interesting thing he has seen in the past decade or two.
Even if you were his enemy.
But… were you? Now that you had not attacked him? He sure didn’t seem like he was trying to attack you in your sleep.
“Ugh. I need another nap.” You mumbled as you walked out of the castle and towards your cabin.
You had a lot of catching up to do.
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The day after you had gone back to your cabin, you decided to return back home. You dreaded doing so, but unfortunately you had very little choice in the matter.
The messages you received from your ‘family’ were, as usual, annoying and endless. It was only a matter of time before they started destroying your things again for staying away too long.
Thankfully, the stars were shining on you today, as no one was home when you returned. It was easy to sneak a bit of food and hide away in your room.
You wish you could say that they ignore you as usual after they all realized you were back.
Alas, things never seem to go your way.
Your step father had gotten somewhat physical with you again after he arrived home, your two step brothers watching from the doorway.
He had yelled, even gripping your hair and throwing you hard. You hit the edge of the bed frame, but thankfully had dealt with worse.
Though you’d admit, the concussion you had gotten from it was already a pain in the ass.
He wasn’t finished though, and made sure to yell at you some more. At that point though, you simply just let his angry words flow in one ear and out the other.
It ended with a sharp kick to your ribs, which genuinely took you off guard. Your step father never took it this far before outside of ‘training’, and he wasn’t holding back.
Thankfully, he seemed fed up enough with your presence to leave you be. He shoved past his sons, slamming the door behind him as you gasped for air.
You had managed to crawl to your drawers, and take care of the wound on your head. You also decided to count yourself lucky he didn’t seem to break your ribs, just bruise them.
After the pain subsided, you crawled onto your bed, shaking as you thought about everything.
What was your life turning into? Did your step father really not care about crossing that line? It certainly seemed so.
You weren’t looking forward to the future, if this is what was promised.
-
Unfortunately, your fears were turning out to be true when it came to your home life.
Your ‘sweet loving family’ were growing more and more violent, toeing that line with how far they can get away with their behavior until you snapped.
But you couldn’t.
The moment you fought back, was all the excuse they needed to kick you out, and take everything you owned. Everything that was rightfully yours, would fall right into their hands.
The perfect excuse to anyone related to you by blood why the family artifacts were no longer theirs.
Your legacy, your mother’s things, your family’s artifacts… all gone, to someone not even in the family by blood. That alone was dangerous, some artifacts only resonated kindly with your family’s blood.
Hell, your whip was one of those very artifacts. Its one reason you never parted from it, making sure they never had the chance to swipe it from under your nose.
Not to mention the weapons and powerful tomes hidden in the family vault. In the wrong hands? Your step family could rival vampire lords with how dangerous they could become.
What a nuisance.
You knew they would take advantage of it too. It’s the whole reason they were trying to get you to attack them, or ‘give’ them everything by your own free will.
They wanted everything. The power, the artifacts, the riches… they wanted all they could get their hands on. All while looking completely innocent so they’d have an excuse if anyone inquired about it
And it seemed they were willing to raise the stakes to get it.
Despite your step father seemingly growing more physical, he still seemed to prefer to hover and threaten you, rather than just straight up brawl with you.
He seemed irritated. Impatient. He was cracking, but still trying to remain in control.
It made you fear what reaching his breaking point would be. What would finally break the dam that was slowly showing its cracks?
At least when he tried to hurt you, it was brief. Like a warning and a threat.
It wasn’t as… rough as that first night you came back, either. More like purposeful shoves, the occasional hit to your back or stomach. Sometimes your arms. He never hit you again after an initial assault, but the threat was very much there.
If he didn’t hit you, he would slam tables and walls next to you. Slam doors in your face, toss chairs. He even threw some old plates, ruining a set your great grandmother had passed down.
That had been a rough night for you, realizing they were willing to destroy stuff from your family without thought.
Then there were the bouts of sickness you were experiencing.
Just like when you had been at the cabin, you were constantly falling ill.
It was random when it would happen, and the severity of each bout of sickness seemed to vary, but it was beginning to drive you insane.
Sometimes you would just get extreme migraines. Other times you were stuck in the bathroom for days nearly unable to move.
If it was a rough week, you were then banished to the car. No one in the house wanted to catch whatever was making you so violently ill, if by chance it was contagious.
Occasionally one of your brothers would take pity, and toss you some bread or a bottle of water and some gas station medicine. Most of the time though, you were on your own, trying not to puke your guts out for days on end.
It was beginning to affect your overall health. How could you go back to being in a healthy state of being if you were getting sick right after feeling better? How would you be able to keep up being a hunter if you were becoming a liability?
You were beginning to wonder if you were shutting down. The thought made you fear for yourself often when alone with your thoughts.
It was beginning to remind you of your mother, how she had fallen ill…
This made you miserable.
More than once, you ended up silently crying into your pillow in your room. You hadn’t cried in so long, but now it was hard not to after dealing with so much shit.
The one saving grace you had was your laptop, and sneaking away to visit the cabin.
Watching the castle on your cameras late at night brought you solitude, it helped calm your mind when you were overwhelmed. Even if it was just scrubbing through hours of nothing, just watching the castle seemed to put you at an odd sort of ease.
If you weren’t terrified of your step brothers or step father destroying the laptop, or finding out about the castle, you’d probably even use it as white noise to sleep when at home.
An idea you would have laughed at if you told yourself a year earlier.
You? Enjoying the ambience outside Dracula’s castle? You would have attacked whoever told you so, thinking they were trying to mess with your mind.
Now though, it was an odd comfort.
When you did sneak off to the cabin, you would leave the laptop on to listen. The oddly quiet atmosphere with the occasional clap of thunder had you sleeping in minutes.
Something most hunters would scoff at. Most can’t sleep through thunder and lightning, but the atmosphere had put you at ease.
It should bug you how much you were growing comfortable with the Master of the Night and his ominous abode.
But you were beginning to care less and less.
So what if you liked the castle? Liked visiting the Lord of the Night? It’s not like he had moved from his place since you slept on the floor.
The only discernible difference was the occasional movement in his eyes. Something that freaked you out a bit at first whenever you noticed it, whenever it rarely happened.
You and him weren’t hurting anyone, and you were still able to keep an eye on him.
Though your increase in trips were becoming a slight problem.
It was a getaway, and it angered your step family horribly.
You weren’t sure why they cared so much. They always talked about how if you didn’t exist they would have been better off. Surely being out of the house would be a relief.
Yet, whenever you went on a trip and came home, they always seemed angry, and not because you came back. They were angry you left.
It was all getting overwhelming. You felt like you were losing your mind. Why would they care so much, when it was blatantly clear they couldn’t care less about your well being?
The bizarre behavior only served to push you away even more. Why bother with their behavior when you could just vanish for a few days, even if it restarted this stupid cycle?
It only drove it further in your head that you were feeling trapped.
But once again, you at least had your sanctuary. Even if your comfort with the place had shifted so much the past few weeks, it was growing back to what it originally had been.
A sanctuary. A safe place from home.
Your visits with the statue had also changed as a result.
At first, you were hesitant on how to act. Should you be more wary? Closed off?
But when you took a trip back again after that time you had been sick, you decided to just roll with the punches.
He already saw you sick, and sleeping. Did it really matter at this point? As long as you were polite, you didn’t see a reason to behave any differently. He was still technically your host, after all.
If anything, you were more relaxed than ever.
After you had thought about it, the idea that Dracula was aware had somewhat been a weight off your shoulders.
He had already seen you as a mess. You didn’t have to play up any pretenses.
You also found that he was easy to talk to. It wasn’t on purpose, you just started talking on your visits.
At first, it was to fill the awkward silence. You talked about little things that had happened. Some silly hunts you had, and world events that had happened since he had been sealed away.
Though you began to wonder just how close you were getting to your family’s immortal enemy, when you started sleeping on his throne room floor on purpose.
Sometimes you’d find you talked too long, and it was late in the night. You started making the decision to sleep there every so often.
You never slept as close as you did the first time, still wary to a fault.
The statue didn’t move like the first time, though you swore the eyes followed you sometimes when awake. They would be in different places every so often.
You knew they were when you slept. It was… stirring confusing feelings in you, so you tried not to think on it too much.
It would have made you nervous if you hadn’t already spent so much time with him. You just wrote it off as a little quirk.
How fitting. The Statue of the Lord of the Castle, being able to watch your every move like in a cartoon or horror movie. It would be creepy if you didn’t find some odd comfort in it.
You later on ended up even searching your family home a little, curious if you could break the curse yourself.
‘It’s just in case,’ You would tell yourself.
As much as you wanted to deny it though, you knew you were curious. How you wondered if you had a means of breaking the curse, even though your own family placed it on him.
Would you actually do so? Probably not, even if the thought made you a bit sad.
Something you were a bit unsure and uncomfortable about. Were you really that lonely that you briefly thought about what it would be like to talk to him while free?
Yes, yes you were.
But you had a duty to uphold. Setting Dracula free could have so many consequences.
You also didn’t want to misread this.
Just because you felt comfortable at the castle, and in his presence, did not mean there wasn’t a chance he would kill you.
Your family was still his enemy, after all. He technically never agreed to just talk with you after you decided to spare him as a statue.
You didn’t want to get killed, and possibly doom the world over your silly delusions of maybe having a friend in the enemy.
There was something odd though about the whole curse.
Unfortunately, you couldn’t find much on it. You could only sneak into the family vault so often. You didn’t want to risk your family demanding you let them in again, or try and follow you. Again.
Even then, the few times you did manage to sneak into the vault, you didn’t manage to find much. Even when looking at the journals of each Belmont, all you really found was mentions of a spell, and a curse.
The last Belmont to fight Dracula, your grandfather, didn’t mention much about it. How he and his friend had used an old spell they had found to seal the Vampire away.
You found it convenient that you couldn’t find much about what the spell actually was.
By convenient, you actually mean annoying.
What if you needed to seal him away again? Or something went wrong?
Not a lot of planning on your grandfather’s end if he really didn’t leave any information behind.
That wasn’t even the worst of it either.
Apparently, there was a curse of some sort Dracula had placed on your family when your Grandfather had fought him. However, your grandfather refused to mention what it was, or what it entailed. All his journal mentioned was that a curse ‘existed’.
That certainly didn’t ramp up any lingering anxiety. Thanks grandpa.
Briefly, you wondered if this was why he was always so distant with you, and your extended blood related family. Perhaps he thought it would be less effective if no one really knew about it.
You had half a mind to call him and demand what it was, but that would only create a massive beacon towards the fact the enemy he sealed away had been found again after the castle initially disappeared.
It wasn’t worth the risk.
Something that still surprised you to think and say.
Still, the frustration, added along with the stress and sickness you were dealing with, were not mixing well at all. You were this close to tearing your hair out.
But you didn’t.
You held yourself together. You were at least thankful for your hunting experience. Without it, you wouldn’t have been able to keep a steady head in all this for as long as you have.
Still, even now as you warily watch your back just walking to your car for a hunt, you knew one thing was for sure.
Wherever calm resides, chaos is sure to follow.
You wouldn’t be able to keep this up forever.
Vlad prided himself on being a man of many things.
He was Lord of the Night, the King of Vampires.
He also considered himself a man of science, a title he wielded, long before he had even turned his back on god.
His prowess with magic was also something he considered himself a master of. He took to magic much like alchemy, though it helped he had centuries to learn and practice all he could.
That, and having the Crimson Stone and Death itself under his thumb was a boon for him. He had little to worry about when he had been young, so he had time to master anything that caught his fancy.
As time passed, and his interest in revenge and humanity had first diminished, he had even taken up other hobbies.
Renaldo, his old friend, may have been an old fool. However, he had been right about one thing.
Eternal life could be incredibly dull.
Vlad took to learning many different things and trades. He excelled as a tactician, so he also took on learning different means of battle and war.
It came in handy when dealing with armies of the damned.
Helping lead an army of crusaders had been one thing, but armies of hell's bloodiest fighters? It had been a whole new experience, one he easily took to.
Though after he had firmly set his place in the underworld, and proven he was far superior to any other vampire, life grew dull once more.
So he collected books. He had always enjoyed them, much to the chagrin of the church when he had been human.
They always said his time was better spent strategizing. If he must read, it was better spent on reports, or looking into ways to counter the enemy.
Vlad had barely gotten a chance to read for enjoyment as a human. When he had been Mathias.
As Dracula, he had all the time in the world. No one dared oppose him, even just to read a book or novel.
He had even taken the time to write and bind his own collection. Something only a select few close to him had known about.
So for all of his achievements, being killed over and over again, and then being turned into stone, was very much a slap to the face.
It was a huge blow to his pride and ego, though he had reluctantly begun to accept he was not on fate’s side when it came to the damned Belmont clan.
Being turned into a statue though? It was one of the lowest blows to him of all time. He would rather be prowling around in purgatory or hell, waiting to eventually be revived against his will, than be stuck as stone for several decades.
But, there was an upside.
You.
Vlad had mentally scoffed when he first saw you. He went through this whole song and dance in his head.
How you no doubt would be the one to free him. How you seemed so pathetic. So weak.
He didn’t find himself thinking such thoughts anymore.
Vlad wondered if he truly was growing to like your presence, or if being stuck in his own personal hell as stone was finally catching up to him.
Had he really gone mad from being stuck like this for so long? To the point he liked a Belmont?
Yes, he was a prideful man indeed, but even he could admit at this point that he was beginning to enjoy and look forward to your visits.
You truly were nothing like the previous Belmonts that had slain him. He really could see Leon in you, when he had assumed the bloodline had changed for the worst.
He liked you.
Would he admit it outloud? Probably not. But to himself in his mind, while stuck here? He didn’t see why he should deny it any longer.
Perhaps humanity still occasionally produced a diamond in the rough.
Vlad yearned for your presence. After those first few times, and he had caught glimpses of your personality and kindness, he craved to see you more.
He did partially blame that on being stuck like this for so long. However, he did genuinely wish to see you.
After he watched you grow ill the first time, is especially when it became difficult to deny he had at least somewhat grown attached after anxiety bubbled in his chest.
When you returned, the relief he felt had even surprised himself.
You had looked bad when you had stumbled out of his castle. It was another instance where he feared the time had come for his curse to take hold.
Yet, you managed to make it back wherever you were residing. You must have, because you came wandering back a few days later.
Your skin had sunken in, and you looked like you hadn’t slept in a week.
He must have been right, assuming you had been sick. Whatever you had must have been rough on you.
Vlad watched as you walked in, apologizing, talking with him for a while. It was even dare he say, cute, how you were still a little skittish. Still instinctively wary of him, but didn’t seem afraid. It was amusing in a way that would have had him teasing you if he could.
He listened as you spoke that visit, before you had gotten comfortable.
When you fell asleep though, he was a bit surprised, but he didn’t blame you. Even though you looked like you had some energy, you still looked like you needed rest.
It was strange.
For the first time in a long time, he felt warm, seeing you curl up close to his feet.
He doubted you fully trusted him, but when was the last time someone had done something so… gentle? Letting their guard down around him without fear, like he was another person?
It had been centuries, at least.
Did you really feel that comfortable? Or at least assured he could not hurt you?
He wouldn’t of course, not without cause.
Vlad watched you curl up, your body going still as your breathing evened out. You were out like a light.
You looked so peaceful sleeping. When you were awake, even when still sick, you were constantly on guard.
Sleeping however, your body relaxed, and you had a small smile on your face. He wondered what your genuine smiles looked like. Were they similar?
Dracula cursed his prison. He cursed your predecessor.
But not you. No, you hadn’t done anything wrong.
He wanted out. Wanted to talk with you. Meet with you formally and personally, not as he was now.
It was as if he felt his undead heart beat in excitement at the thought. Something he hadn’t felt in a long time.
That nearly made him pause. Just what were you doing to him? How was this grip you had over him growing so strong?
You hadn’t even done anything, except show him some basic kindness and mercy. He should hate you.
But as he has sat here and thought about it, dwelling on it, he finds he has no reason to.
Besides your bloodline, of course, but he didn’t always hate the Belmonts either. That would just be an excuse at this point.
He wanted to talk with you though. That promise you had made, of wanting to talk with him if he was freed… he wanted that. He yearned to be able to speak properly with you, let you know he was listening.
There was something about you. How you talked about your family, how you carried yourself. The way you still gave him respect, despite at one point had been terrified for your life.
You were fascinating. Vlad didn’t care if he was a broken record, but you were one hunter he wanted to learn about.
No doubt you had interesting stories and viewpoints. He’d love to hear them all.
The more he thought of it, the more he desired to be free. To move.
Dracula wanted to move. To talk. To touch.
You laying in front of him only made that urge, that desire, run hotter.
Your body was right there. He could have almost touched you. Feel you. Shake you awake.
Then the unthinkable happened.
Vlad moved.
It should have been impossible. He was well versed in what spell had been used on him, even if it had been modified to contain someone like him. The only thing that should have been able to make him move was blood from you or your family.
Yet, he moved.
Determined, he used this stroke of luck to push forward, bit by bit. He was so close to you, it wasn’t impossible to reach you.
It was tantalizing, and took so much power to keep going.
But he had to reach you. Touch you. Speak with you. It was as if that very desire was allowing him to keep going, to move another inch.
He was so close! Just a little further!
Before he could reach you, and cup your face, your eyes fluttered open.
You mumbled something under your breath, before jumping back in a squawk of surprise.
Had he really moved that close? Was it that noticeable?
It had to have been, with how alert you had appeared. You hardly seemed to believe that he had been able to do so.
But now that you were awake… it had been near impossible to get that same focus he once had. He wanted to curse and yell.
So close.
You kept your distance at first, confused and a bit wary.
After that, you surprised him by seemingly letting your guard down more.
In fact, you were more chatty than normal. It was like you were at ease with him, as if he were a nice acquaintance instead of an enemy.
What had changed? Had he startled you that much?
Or… perhaps by moving, you had a realization? You were acting more like he was in the room with you than before. Had that been a wake up call for you?
Vlad found that he didn’t particularly mind.
He would silently admit he liked it even.
You spoke about anything and everything.
Normally, Vlad could not have cared less over the little lives of humans, only checking in if there were wars or major events in the making.
But he couldn’t help but listen, captivated by anything you spoke about.
Sometimes you spoke about current events. Other times you occasionally talked about your hunts or home life, though he noticed how you held back when speaking about personal things.
He wasn’t blind to how your demeanor changed when you mentioned your home life. Alas, he couldn’t ask more about it given his current state.
It didn’t change how he couldn’t fight the bubbling worry that tried to blossom when you seemed pained when talking about it.
In fact, he was growing rather concerned with each visit at this point as well.
He enjoyed your visits immensely, enjoying hearing you talk, even if it was about darker subjects.
However, after a bit of time, he noticed how your visits were becoming a bit sporadic. Normally, it would be no business of his what your schedule was like.
But Dracula was a smart man. He was well known for his observations and keen eye over the centuries.
Something was wrong.
It wasn’t just the odd air around you when you briefly mentioned your home life, or the odd inconsistency of the visits.
No, what was beginning to concern him was how you came back injured, more often than not.
Or sick. You were rapidly falling ill time and time again. This wasn’t normal. Something was wrong.
He knew you were a hunter and all, but this was getting ridiculous.
You often tried to hide it too, though he had a feeling some of it wasn’t intentional, as if this was practiced. A learned habit.
Even if you tried to hide your injuries, you couldn’t escape his keen eye.
A wobble here, a stumble there. Favoring one arm over the other just ever so slightly.
You didn’t make it easy, but he could still spot those injuries clear as crystal.
It was happening at a higher frequency with every other visit, until you were sick or injured every time you visited the castle.
If Dracula could hum and fidget, he would be.
He didn’t like this, not one bit.
At this rate, as time went on, Vlad couldn’t help but grow weary.
Given his luck and experience, it was only a matter of time until something went wrong
He was sure of it.
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theonevoice · 6 months
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Rumination n. 5 - What if Aziraphale can make a difference? On choosing each other, for real
There is a scene in s2 that I keep thinking about, and I don't see it discussed almost at all: it's the first conversation between Michael and Uriel after Gabriel's disappearance.
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This is a power struggle. Very human, not celestial at all, fight for power. It's not even hidden or coded.
Now - and this could just be my brain getting smooth over this show that is devouring my soul - the more I think about this moment, the more I am convinced that this very human moment (and its various subsequent reprises) is signaling us that Heaven has, so to speak, "margin for improvement." And probably so does Hell.
I feel that we have been oversimplifying Heaven and Hell because they "look" simple and monolytical, especially when compared to the nuanced worldview that Aziraphale and Crowley developed over their 6000 years of experience on Earth. But there are some heavy "shades of grey" in Heaven. They are ruthless, for a start (see the Fall and, well, most of what happens in the Bible). They are proud and arrogant (see how they behave with Aziraphale and "37th order scrivener, but, you know, noone" Muriel). They are power-angry (which, in the context of an existence that doesn't need money or power, its just a symptom of vanity, in my opinion). They have far more human-like qualities than they should, we just don't give much attention to them because our focus is squarely on their stiff adherence to the "Heavenly code" and their role as antagonists/enemies of the protagonists.
Same goes for Hell, with opposite sign: Hastur was shocked by the destruction of Ligur, Shax and Furfur appear to have some form of camaraderie or loyalty towards each other, the demon Josh notices that Beelzebub is acting weird and asks them if they're feeling alright, and Beelzebub, well, is a Grand Duke of Hell capable of falling in love.
So, what if, given this margin, Aziraphale can make a difference?
Until now, if I am not mistaken, the most common take on what expects Aziraphale as Supreme Archangel is "he's going to realize that Heaven cannot be fixed and he will have to finally drop his idealized delusion and fight his way back to Crowley." Which I personally love as a scenario (but, to be honest, I am loving almost any GO scenario that floats in my direction: the creativity of this fandom is unbelievable and so respectful of the characters that every speculation feels like it could be Neil Gaiman's work), but it could undermine the weight of his choice.
Because choice is a theme in this show: not choice as in "choosing sides," but choice as in "making up one's mind and taking a serious, conscious, thought-through decision." And if Heaven is just a lost cause, unable to change and irredimable, then it's not much of a choice for Aziraphale to go back to Crowley. But if Heaven does react to change, if the human-like qualities that other archangels have displayed become a bridge, and Aziraphale, with his warmth and kindness and softness, actually manages to bring Michael and Uriel and others on more reasonable positions - then his choice becomes a real choice that he has to make.
Not the "easy" choice between reality and delusion but a hard choice between Crowley and the real opportunity to be the one who makes a difference.
(I am still slightly infatuated with the possibility that, just before the Fall, it was an already damned Crowley who asked him to "be a good angel" and "make a difference" because he could see how genuinely good Aziraphale was, compared to the "institutional goodness" of the others, but I have already blabbered about this in another rumination)
Also, I read a brilliant post a couple of weeks back (I will edit as soon as I find it again) about how, despite their appearance and demeanour, Crowley is basically an engineer, "armed" with a tool for creating cosmic machinery and putting it in motion, while Aziraphale is a fighter, armed with an actual sword. And this got me thinking again: in Christian iconography, Michael is the belligerant archangel, the one who is recognizable by his sword. Now, Neil Gaiman does not let pre-existing traditions dictate what he writes, obviously. But still, we could witness an unforseen connection between Aziraphale and, against all odds, the other sword-wielding entity, Michael: and it could led to some unexpected coalition, possibly even against the Metatron and the plans regarding the Second Coming.
After all, in a way, Michael has already displayed many human and very shades-of-gray traits: let's not forget that, already in s1, it was Michael the one communicating on the "grapevine that obviously doesn't exist" with Hell (I believe behind Gabriel's back: the more I rewatch it, the more I think that he honestly didn't know about it) and still is in s2. It was Michael the one bringing Holy Water downstairs. It is Michael the one that has first-hand experience of what it means to "collaborate with the enemy" in order to get things done.
I don't know how likely this is but it seems to me that it would be interesting if Aziraphale, instead of just leaving Heaven in disgust after some failed attempt at "fixing it," will have to make the hard choice between a Heaven that was starting, for real, to show signs of improvement and his old life on Earth with Crowley.
And something similar could happen on the other side, should Crowley go back to Hell (either out of rage and desperation or because something comes up that forces him to do so). Maybe he could find for the first time ever a sense of "demonic brotherhood" with his "colleagues" (maybe Shax and Furfur themselves). Something that he had never imagined during the six millennia he has spent believing to be alone in the universe if not for Aziraphale.
Maybe their reunion will be about having an alternative to their life together and choosing it anyway. If you think about it, one thing that they never had to do was deciding to be together instead of being somewhere else, doing something else, with somebody else. Being the two of them has always been their only reality - dangerous and hidden, of course, but undisputed, in a way: together since the early days in the Garden, noone else around to compete with that, no other supernatural person-shaped entity to serve as a potential alternative. Their respective head offices are two opposite voids, two negative spaces that have literally nothing that could attract them. Of course, they are in love with each other and they would probably be in love with each other in any possible alternative universe, but it's not like they have chosen to be with each other, they were just the only two person-shaped entities around, pulled together by the gravity of their respective loneliness and fears, doubts and little joys.
But if in s3 we see them acquire "alternatives", something else of value that exists outside their group of the two of them, then they will have to choose their life together for real, this time.
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shiorimia · 8 days
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My thoughts on the Good Omens S2 ending:
I see a lot of fans pointing fingers at either Crowley or Aziraphale, claiming one side is in the wrong while ignoring the impact this situation has on BOTH of them.
For me, it felt like Crowley was desperate to keep things the way they were, because they were happy. Even with all the shenanigans they dealt with, Crowley still cherished his time with Aziraphale and feared it all ending. Aziraphale suddenly going back to heaven as a supreme archangel...to Crowley, it probably felt like they took 5 steps forward over the process of 6000 years, and then 500 steps back. All in one day.
The fact that he tried so hard to get Aziraphale to understand that things aren’t just black-and-white like heaven claims they are, only for Aziraphale to rush back to them after all those years...it must hurt a lot, like going right back to square one.
Given, well...EVERYTHING about Crowley, Aziraphale suddenly asking him to go back to heaven with him so they can be angels together just feels like a slap in the face. Aziraphale is still desperately hoping that things will magically come together without strife...he doesn’t truly understand the depth of what he is asking of Crowley, because he is DESPERATE to stay with the demon...but he can't give up heaven just yet.
He doesn’t fully understand yet that heaven is just as bad as hell. Crowley has absolutely no interest in becoming an angel again after falling, and on top of that...Crowley knows that the minute he steps a foot in heaven, he’ll be killed or enslaved. Aziraphale hasn’t thought about any of this, because he just wants to be able to have both of the things he loves at once: Heaven, and being with Crowley.
A sadly impossible wish.
Aziraphale saying “I forgive you” after Crowley kissed him...I have SO MANY THOUGHTS on this. Crowley desperately revealed his love for Aziraphale by kissing him fiercely, not holding back. He did this because he truly did not want Aziraphale to leave him, and revealing his hidden feelings was his last resort.
Aziraphale’s infamous “I forgive you” response insinuates that Crowley is IN THE WRONG for having romantic feelings for Aziraphale. It reads as “I forgive you for loving me”, which is absolutely heart shattering for Crowley. Not only is he about to lose the angel that he’s loved for 6000 years, but said angel just treated his love like an unsightly mistake to be fixed.
A lot of ppl have pointed out that it seems like Aziraphale was actually going to say "I love you"...before he choked up and reverted back to what he felt he was SUPPOSED to say, as an angel to a demon.
I’m not mad at either of them. They are put in a truly dire situation where they are forced to take sides...heaven and hell just DONT want them to be happy. Their emotional, desperate reactions MAKE SENSE. They crave what they can’t have, and its killing them.
All I can think of is how truly miserable Aziraphale is going to be once he gets back in heaven and slowly starts realizing that the things Crowley pointed out to him were all true. And on Crowley's end, the demon is probably going to ANGST over their last meeting, ANGST over his rejected feelings, and ANGST over the nonstop "I forgive you"s echoing in his head.
They really need to make up, especially on Aziraphale's end. Lord knows how badly his response will tank Crowley’s already nonexistent self-esteem.
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saturnsoups · 8 months
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Divinity of Gojo Satoru
a vedic astrology perspective
keep in mind that every system of knowledge serves some purpose so lets be respectful towards different schools of astrology. keep in mind I'm using
Vedic depictions ( with Hindu deities of nakshatras (constellations) with Vimshottri planetary rulers for each )
Sidereal measurements for planetary placements in the sky
Whole house system
let's begin
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time and time again me and my astrology friends have noted that Gojo Satoru is "the stereotypical Sagittarius" according to the tropical astrology - you know the larger than life personality, the "teacher" and the classic funny guy who is known to not commit to women (still not expressively seen in the mangas or anime itself). Moreover his technique is very jupiturian in it's own way - expansive and divine, note the word divine because he has actually quoted few religious and spiritual references during major rebirths of his ( gojo vs toji arc ) and if you don't know what that is I suggest you to read the mangas or maybe wait for the season 2 of the anime. but today i'll be discussing on the sidereal astrological significations of Gojo, the strongest and show you how he embodies this nakshatras and their archetypes surprisingly well.
Gojo satoru is born on the 7th of December 1989 and because i was unaware of any specified birth place i searched up the location of the actual Gojo Shrine which is in Tokyo. Gojo is known to be a kuge family descendant of the sugawara clan, which dominated the imperial courts in kyoto during the heian period.
Sun in Jyeshtha nakshatra
the vedic astrology system uses the current planetary placements in the cosmos thus it is 24 degrees late than the tropical zodiac as vedic astrology uses sidereal calculations.
Gojo is a sagittarius sun in tropical astrology but a scorpio sun in sidereal but don't worry we are on to the same person ( or character ) here.
His sun falls in the nakshatra of Jyestha meaning the eldest and it's nakshatra lord is mercury. An extremely hot nakshatra which is jyestha makes the native be very fire like in nature. Now all of this doesn't go together with satoru right? Well guess who is the presiding deity of this nakshatra - Indra the king of the gods.
jyestha natives are known to be extremely skilled with mercury as their nakshatra lord and mars as their zodiac lord - scorpio - giving them extreme powers to excel in activities like politics and fighting and indra grants the native extreme wealth and its symbol talisman manifests as the native having power and authority. Indra manifests his power on the material plain making the natives have an authoritative position given he was mythologically a warlord aswell.
This highly powerful placements makes the natives the best at their fields, high achievers. and aces very often due to their make it or break it nature along with their often found entitled nature Indra indulges in theatrical pleasures like watching dances and entertaining courtly rituals and also indulges in a sweet drink called soma. Unlike modern myths Indra is one of the most crucial gods behind the 6000 year old hindu texts of wisdom from which we derive this knowledge from thus making it's native wise and clever. Jyestha is the last nakshatra of the second phase of nakshatras, the phase of gaining and nurturing personal power and self identity and vigor and thus is this is where the natives showcase a lot of their prowess.
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Connecting that to Satoru we see quite a few themes repeating itself a number of times namely him being the eldest in his friend circle - Geto and Shoko are both a year younger than him, making him the eldest. Gojo is said to come from an rich and esteemed clan giving him the bag in that aspects - riches are at his footstep. Not only that he is the head of this esteemed clan - an imperial clan in real life out of the anime but still - the authority - the king. Not only is he the head of his clan but an important figure in the entire jujutsu society so much so that his birth alone shifted the balance of the jujutsu world. He is the best - the strongest - the only honored one through the heavens and earth. He is the strongest fighter, the strongest sorcerer - sidereal scorpio's ruling planet mars' raw strength matching with the nakshatra lord mercury in magic and sorcery as mercury is between the air and earth realms - between the heaven and the earth. He is the teacher now teaching the basics and essentials of the jujutsu society. he is the head, the King and is supposed to know better than other because no one is above the God King.
Satoru is known to eat sweets, he has a sweet tooth just like how Indra indulges in Soma rasha before wars because it fuels him adds vigor - Gojo consuming sweets to stimulate his brain but ultimately getting a sweet tooth - which unsurprisingly Indra is known to be a very regular customer of Soma aswell.
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It's surprising how the nakshatras manifest through characters. More info in future. I don't think i'll be considering the moon sign and the rest of the chart yet as we know very little of gojo satoru even though the significant events of his past does strongly show his moon nakshatra purva bhadrapada where one has no limitations and is free but needs to reign themselves in to pass through the spiritual tests and attain self mastery. i think i'll be making another post on that later on.
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very-normal-abt-this · 4 months
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Things Left Unsaid
Aziraphale realized he can't possibly leave Crowley on the note on which their conversation ended. He goes to talk to him, as Crowley stands leaning on the Bentley.
"Did you...change your mind?" Crowley's voice sounded as if he was trying (and failing) to sound nonchalant.
"Erm..no...Not exactly." Aziraphale felt his face getting hot and his stomach turning to knots.
Crowley spat through clenched teeth: "So did you come back to FoRgIvE me some more?"
Aziraphale sighed and looked guilty. "No, of course not...Quite the opposite, actually. I believe it is I who needs forgiveness. That...um...that… was not the right thing to say earlier…given the circumstances. And…err.. it wasn't at all what I actually wanted to say. I'm sorry, Crowley. You… caught me by quite a surprise. Will you please come back to the bookshop so we can talk?"
Crowley stared at Aziraphale for a few moments. "No, Aziraphale. YOU caught me by quite a surprise. If you haven't changed your mind, I don't see what's left to talk about. You made your feelings abundantly clear..."
Aziraphale winced. "That's the thing...I um...I actually didn't. I don't think either of us did. Everything was happening too fast!"
"Angel. I don't know how to express my feelings any clearer than baring my soul to you, the way I did back there."
Aziraphale felt his face getting hot. He looked utterly dejected and avoided eye contact with Crowley. "Well…ehm…I see your point there. And yet...I am still asking you to at least give me another chance to express myself better. I am worried that...it might be the last chance I get to talk to you freely...at least for a while." He glanced over at the coffee shop nervously. "Please Crowley!"
Crowley looked away from the angel and was silent for a long moment. Finally he sighed, and said in a flat voice: "Okay. Fine. But only in honor of the 6000 years we've spent here together. ("which apparently means nothing" he mumbled under his breath). Aziraphale gave him a tentative and grateful smile.
Aziraphale glanced at Crowley furtively as they walked back to the bookshop in complete silence. Crowley walked inside, but stopped close to the entrance, as if to signal that his presence here was tentative and conditional. He crossed his arms and stood perfectly still. His body language was saying "Well?" as he waited for Aziraphale to speak.
Aziraphale's hands were clammy, and he felt like he might actually throw up. How is he supposed to explain his decision to Crowley? What is he to say? How is he supposed to convince him that this decision isn't the deepest betrayal of the Demon's trust, loyalty, and everything they have been through together since the beginning of time? Aziraphale had no answers to any of these questions. He just knew he had to start talking because the clock was ticking.
"Crowley…I am not going to try to convince you to come with me. But...If I'm being quite honest - It is hard for me to understand why you would turn down this opportunity. To have the freedom of doing what we had wished for all these years - throwing out 'politics as usual,' getting rid of the dogma focused on settling an ancient grudge, bringing about a new era focused on appreciating the universe for what it is." Aziraphale's face had a look that conveyed confusion and sadness.
Crowley responded coldly: "The only reason its hard for YOU to understand MY reasons is because you have not experienced Heaven in the way that I have. They don't give "freedom" to anyone. They DON'T like for things to be questioned. And they CERTAINLY don't like change. Remember the day you helped me create the stars and nebulas, do you remember the way I was back then? Have you ever wondered where all that naive excitement and unbridled joy went?" He paused. "I'll tell you where it went. THEY took it from me!" he was jabbing his finger at the sky. "When they threw me away like a discarded…discarded…. I don't know.. discarded old knickers!" Crowley's hands were hanging limply by his sides now. "I think you've gone completely delusional if you've convinced yourself that you can change them 'from the inside' all by yourself!"
"I'm Not delusional." said Aziraphale in an even tone. "And…I was assuming I would NOT be going 'all by myself.' When I said yes to Metatron, I assumed I would have…a…a partner who shares my quest to make changes. "
Crowley said bitterly: "The last time I tried to change things in Heaven...it didn't go so well for me. In case you forgoT." He emphasized the "T" on "forgot," in his typical manner. Aziraphale looked at him, feeling distraught for causing his friend to remember those awful memories. There was no arguing with this statement.
Heavy silence hung in the air as the Angel and the Demon faced each other, with torn expressions on their faces. Suddenly, Crowley started pacing and said: "And also, how exactly do you imagine this…reinstatement to angelhood going for me, hmm? Do you really think I'm just going to Crawl back up there, like a good little angel, and beg THEM for forgiveness, beg THEM for my halo back, with my widdle angel tail between my widdle angel legs -- well then you really don't know me at all!" Crowley was speaking quite loud now: "I will never repent for things that are not evil! I will NEVER repent for asking questions! And I will never repent for not…not having blind faith!" He stopped pacing and faced Aziraphale again. "That's not who I am now, and that's not who I was then. So, If you want me to come back to Heaven -- I don't think its actually ME that you want. You want some fantasy version of me, some version of me you made up in your pretty little head… because...because you can't actually accept me for who I am. Can you Aziraphale? Isn't that why you keep trying to forgive me?" Crowley's mouth was in a tight line, and his face was filled with rejection and hurt.
Aziraphale felt like someone punched him in the gut, his breath was caught in his throat. As he tried to process what Crowley had just said, panicky thoughts filled his head. "Could he be right? Do I want to change Crowley into something he is not? Our relationship would certainly be easier and...more...accepted if Crowley was reinstated..." Suddenly, the memory of Crowley's lips on his, the memory of his closeness and the way he had smelled rushed into the Angel's head. Aziraphale's physical and celestial body ached for this closeness. He knew absolutely that he didn't need for Crowley to be an angel. He knew that he loved him regardless. For thousands of years now, he never doubted that Crowley is someone who is deserving of unconditional love and acceptance.
Aziraphale focused his eyes on Crowley. "I'm glad you shared that with me. Perhaps you are right and I…I am being overly optimistic about what type of reception your return would garner in heaven. And…I am probably being too optimistic about what would be expected from YOU to secure your reinstatement. But…I want to make something perfectly clear. I NEVER thought that you needed to apologize for being who you are at your very core. I love…Your compassion and loyalty… Your curiosity and independence…Your kindness.. Your love for all of Creation." Now Aziraphale was looking at Crowley with that smitten look on his face, with a soft dreamy smile. As usual, the Angel was completely unaware that he was staring. "These qualities that are so natural to you...are so sorely lacking up there."
Crowley appeared to have mixed emotions about Aziraphale's compliments. He looked embarrassed, annoyed, and very slightly pleased. He looked at the floor and mumbled: "Well…still think you're naïve. Or grandiose. Heaven has not changed since the beginning of time. What makes you think THIS time will be any different..."
Aziraphale felt a twinge of irritation at Crowley's unshakable nihilism. "Forgive me for saying this, but...honestly Crowley, aren't you a bit naïve for thinking that we can make any real changes while hiding our heads in the sand here on Earth? Or...or on some other planet?" He paused. "Your proposition to um..." Aziraphale's throat felt very dry suddenly. "To go off...Together." The Angel's voice got quiet. Crowley froze in his spot. Aziraphale glanced at Crowley nervously and quickly looked away. "Its quite...well its quite tempting. It was tempting 4 years ago…and even more so now." Aziraphale was quiet for a moment lost in thought, as if weighing the offer again in his mind. Crowley swallowed.
Aziraphale continued. "But Crowley…no matter where we go, or where we hide…This peaceful existence we carved out for ourselves here on Earth, it won't last. Nothing ever does. Unless things change." Aziraphale glanced up towards the ceiling. "You know as well as I do that, sooner or later, they will try to implement another Apocalyptic event as they chase their obsession to have their war. You said it to me yourself 4 years ago- the Armageddon we thwarted wasn't the Big One. The Big One will be Earth against Heaven and Hell. And if I'm up there, keeping an eye on their plans…I think that would greatly improve Earth's chances of survival, don't you?" Crowley's insides jumped as he remembered what he saw during his little field trip to Heaven just a few hours ago. They ALREADY tried to set up another Armageddon. Aziraphale was right about that...
Now, Aziraphale was looking at Crowley with a desperate look on his face and his lip seemed to be trembling: "And I, for one, would have a really hard time enjoying...ehm...being…us, while being fully aware of the expiration date hanging over our heads!"
Crowley sighed and took off his glasses. He stared at the ground, then looked up at Aziraphale. The demon looked tired and defeated. After a few moments of silence, he offered a quiet and half hearted retort: "Well...it still coulda been nice...even with the expiration date. I mean...Shouldn't we just enjoy what we have while we have it? To live in the moment and suCH..." He trailed off because he knew what the answer will be.
Aziraphale walked over to Crowley and stood close to him. The Angel looked at his friend with an expression filled with sorrow and love. As usual, Aziraphale was admiring the demon's sharp features, his shining bright eyes, his perfect hair. He desperately wanted to reach out and touch Crowley, but he did not dare. "I truly don't think we can...Not anymore." Aziraphale took in an audible breath before continuing. "These last few years, after the Armageddon, have been...some of the best years of my life. And...continuing to do that, staying here…with you…would be so SO much easier, and astronomically more pleasant than leaving...without you. But I…I strongly believe there is a reason this opportunity is being presented to us now. Maybe even some sort of an...Ineffable…reason."
Crowley continued to look at Aziraphale with a pained look on his face. The angel felt like he was sealing his own fate, as he said the next sentence. His own voice sounded muffled and distant to him. "Crowley...this is something I feel completely and utterly compelled to do. Just as for you, the idea of coming back to heaven feels like going against everything YOU are at your core. For me - NOT taking this opportunity to Try. Try and fix things once and for all...it would be going against everything that I am at MY core. Can't you see that?" His face was filled with guilt, love, sadness, and fear.
By now, Crowley had admitted to himself that Aziraphale was right in some ways. At least in the fact that heaven and hell will never cease trying to act out their joint Armageddon fetish. They'll never stop trying to resolve their ancient grudges against one another. Not unless some kind of new vision, or new "plan" has been created and spoon fed to them. And who is better for the task of creating a more...*Earth -friendly* plan, than a being who has been a protector of humans from the very beginning, often at his own expense. Someone who loves Earth and everything it has to offer- people, music, food, books, dancing, little restaurants where they know you, parents who love their children, champagne, magic?! Someone who understands the beauty of creation, and sees an intrinsic value in its existence, as opposed to viewing it only as a means to An End.
Finally Crowley spoke: " 'M sorry I called you an idiot earlier…" He exhaled. "I still think it’s a suicide mission, and I still think you're delusional for taking this on. Yes I understand, It's who you are, etcetera and all that…But. It just…Ngk..." Crowley made a frustrated noise and ran his fingers through his hair while looking up. "It just really stings that…even after 6000 years, even after everything we've been through, your devotion to Heaven and Earth is still...You're still…" He swallowed. "You always choose them over me."
Hearing these words, Aziraphale's expression changed to that of disbelief with an undercurrent of low level horror. Something heavy dropped into his stomach, while something sharp broke into a million tiny pieces in his chest. What a cruel and tragic world...in which his best friend actually believes he is not important enough…
Aziraphale finally felt brave enough to touch Crowley, he needed to touch him. He reached out and took Crowley's hand into both of his. Crowley glanced down at their intertwined hands, and back up to the angel's face, trying (and failing) to control his emotions. Aziraphale looked intently and tenderly into the fallen angel's eyes and spoke: "My dear friend. Don't you see that the reason I care so deeply about these things is BECAUSE of you. You're the one who showed me that creation is precious and worth saving. You're the one who showed me that we must protect it from...Them. You're the one who taught me that we must allow it to unfold into whatever beautiful design it was meant to become." Now both of them had tears their eyes. "Crowley. All I want is...All I've ever so desperately wanted is to watch this Universe unfold through the ages, and through all of eternity. With YOU by my side." A tear rolled down Crowley's cheek, and Aziraphale reached up and gently wiped it with his thumb. Crowley said in a low raspy voice: "That's all I've ever wanted, Angel."
Two eternal beings stood frozen in time, in a bookshop, somewhere on Earth. Their eyes locked, hands touching, insides trembling.
At that moment, the door burst open and Metatron walked in. Aziraphale discreetly let go of Crowley's hand and turned to face Metatron. "It is time, Aziraphale." Metatron announced. "I'm ready," Aziraphale said, and forced a small polite smile on his face. "Excellent! Then let us away!" exclaimed Metatron and turned to leave. Aziraphale followed him. He turned back to take one last look at Crowley, who appeared smaller somehow, and was looking rather shellshocked. Their eyes met and Aziraphale bathed in their golden yellow light for one last moment. Then he followed Metatron out of the bookshop.
As the door shut behind them, the sound of it shook Crowley out of his trance. He walked over to a chair and collapsed into it. He slowly put on his sunglasses and wiped his cheek with his hand. The demon wondered for the hundredth time if he was being unreasonable for rejecting Aziraphale's offer; for letting him go off on his own into that nest of toxicity. Bloody Angel…How is he supposed to protect him now?
Aziraphale walked into the elevator to Heaven. As he watched the doors shut, he felt an unbearable force clenching down on his heart. He thought about what (and who) he was leaving behind. He wondered for the hundredth time whether his decision would turn out to be a horrible and irreversible mistake.
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that-within · 7 months
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That’s not how Jane Austen works…
There’s something deeply amusing to me about how fundamentally wrong Aziraphale is regarding the function of balls in Jane Austen’s novels:
“People would gather and do some formal dancing and then realize they had misunderstood each other and were actually deeply in love.”
No ball in any Austen novel works like this. Not one. You know how they actually work? They build tension (dramatic, romantic, sexual, and/or other). But in all of her six novels, there is not a single ball where everything suddenly clicks between two characters, all misunderstandings are cleared up with just a glance and a touch of a gloved hand, and everyone lives happily ever after.
Since Pride and Prejudice is the novel repeatedly cited in the show, let’s analyze the functions of its two main balls:
The first ball is where our protagonists meet. They lock eyes, they get introduced—and almost immediately he calls her a 5/10 and she runs off to drag him with her gal pals. Rough start. We haven’t even gotten to the plot’s true misunderstandings yet (“I meant you were tolerable in a nice way!”), but this ball is the crucial setup for how those misunderstandings will develop throughout their relationship. Tension established.
So far we’re 0/3 for dancing, clearing up misunderstandings, and deep love realizations. Bummer.
The second ball is The Big One. So how do our protagonists come together to reconcile in the candlelight? Spoiler: they don't. Instead, Darcy musters up all his introverted mettle to grind out a dance proposal and Lizzy only says yes because she can't think of a polite way to say “I’d rather eat glass.” 
And not only does the dance itself not clear up their misunderstandings, it actually cements those misunderstandings through a series of progressively passive aggressive barbs. It’s wonderfully charged, but in a HIGH-VOLTAGE FENCE: DO NOT TOUCH kind of way. 
(For those keeping score, we’re 1/6 because they did actually manage to dance this time. Woot)
And that’s it. No, literally. There are no more balls in the whole novel (at least attended by our protagonists). So how doth our heroes fall in love without the eldritch horrors making them do it delicate pluck of a fiddle in a crowded room?
Well, first there’s the catastrophic marriage proposal where Darcy basically negs Lizzy for a solid minute before Lizzy spends a solid five minutes telling him where to stick it. Divine. 
Crucially though, this is where the “realize they had misunderstood each other” stuff actually begins. It’s only when one of them is pouring their heart out to the other that the giant gaps in information, misinterpreted actions, and fundamental differences in worldviews start to make themselves known (anything here ringing a cathedral-sized bell?).
And of course, this still doesn’t magically make everything better. They both go off to lick their respective wounds for a while, but, slowly, they begin to process this paradigm shift and change their thoughts and actions accordingly. 
There are many reasons why Pride and Prejudice has lasted the test of time, and a big one is that it never pulled a “ball” deus ex machina. Lizzy and Darcy both put in actual work to improve themselves and to reconcile their differences. It’s slow, it’s imperfect, it’s messy. And, very importantly, it takes them being brutally honest with themselves and each other.
It's only after all of this that they finally get to the "were actually deeply in love" part.
Aziraphale must know this. He’s read Austen. Hell, he probably read Pride and Prejudice the year it was published. So where is he getting this bizarre idea about balls being a magical cure-all for everything? 
Maybe it's as simple as an angel who's spent 6000 years teetering on the edge of something with a demon devising a cunning plan to teeter them just a little bit closer. 
Maybe it’s as complicated as an angel who can convince himself that if a human relationship might be “fixed” by a ball, maybe a cosmic relationship might be “fixed” by undoing a fall. 
And, to quote Crowley, “now, that’s unbelievable."
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