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fernsnailz · 2 months

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February 2024 Review Roundup

well i sure did watch some stuff and read one book this month

the things i finished this month reminded me that for every incredible piece of art i find myself enjoying, i end up watching some Hot Garbage immediately after to balance things out again. idk why i do this.

i have quite a bit to say about both the things i enjoyed and the things that brought me physical pain this month, so there is um. a lot under the cut. any previous desire for brevity i had in january has been completely thrown out the window as i use these roundups as an outlet to gush about things i like and complain about things i didn't. fair warning, if you open the readmore you will be scrolling for a while. enjoy i guess

House of Leaves

does any other book out there have the balls to write a completely fake interview with stephen king

House of Leaves is a novel you gotta throw around a little bit. It feels really weird that my copy is still in the pristine state I bought it in - It seems like it should have water damage and smell like mildew with its pages falling out and spine cracked into pieces. Getting the full story from this book requires flipping back and forth, turning it around, searching for answers. All things considered it’s not that difficult of a read, but its format still allows you to feel like you’re discovering every hidden piece for yourself, and I really liked that interactivity. I was engaged pretty much the whole way through.

I don’t really think I’ll be able to revisit this book anytime soon though. It’s difficult for me to format what else I’d like to say about it because to be honest, it caught me off guard and disturbed me on a fairly personal level. There’s a relief I feel when I remember that I don’t actually know what was going on with the house - maybe that was intentional on the book’s behalf, maybe I just didn’t look hard enough for answers. I don’t know. But the implication that something divine was down there was enough of an answer for me. The book's good. read it if you want a spooooooky time or if you never want to look at a hallway the same way again

Doctor Who (Series 1-4) (rewatch)

ok so this is a fuckload of doctor who to cover so i’m gonna give some thoughts on a few of the characters and my favorite + least favorite episodes

9th doctor: My favorite butch lesbian. Christopher Eccleston truly embodies the concept of The Doctor so, so well: otherworldly guy who knows too much, genuinely cares about life across the universe, and also has a bit of deep, unresolved rage. His moments of joy and careless fun stick with me the most, he absolutely radiates with life and brings so much to this character.

Rose: I first watched Doctor Who when I was in middle school, and I didn’t like Rose that much back then. And guys. I have bad news. I'm still not really much of a Rose fan

I definitely understood her more this watch through - that desire for adventure and some sort of control over her life, emotions so strong that she’s willing to throw near everything away. That’s just what being 19 is like sometimes. I think Rose is a very compelling character who just happens to frustrate me a bit. And that’s kinda the point, her co-dependent relationship with the Doctor is doomed to fail and it's meant to hurt. Ultimately, I think when I first watched the show I was too young to understand Rose, and now I’m just too old to relate to her.

Captain Jack: Jack is my favorite character. I fucking love this guy. Dude has the worst luck in the whole universe and still cannot be stopped. Legendary. Every episode with him is a goddamn delight because he has so much chemistry with every single cast member. No notes 10/10 i love my problematic bisexual king

10th doctor: About four episodes into David Tennant’s run I realized that he dresses like a Hazbin Hotel character and it made me very sad. Still, there’s a reason this guy inspired every middle schooler to buy a pair of converse in 2008. He has style, he has depth, he’s got the sauce. It’s genuinely terrifying to see his anger, I like that a lot of 10’s run is about his denial of godhood and power over life in the universe, something that the rest of the time lords desired. idk i like my sad pathetic little weasel but he's also a huge fucking asshole sometimes which sucks. especially when it's directed at Martha.

Martha: Martha I am so sorry for what this show put you through. Martha was my favorite companion when I first watched the show, and I still have a huge soft spot for her. Her ability to hold her own and navigate foreign worlds using her own intelligence absolutely rules, and her drive forward is unbreakable. But the show seems to put her down at every possible opportunity, most notably with how 10 treats her. Her struggles and wants are constantly ignored, and she's often treated as a rebound from Rose. And I like that she eventually chooses to end it by not traveling with 10 anymore, but it hurts because it feels like she was never given the same chance or care that Rose and Donna were. This era of Doctor Who really doesn’t treat its black companions well because Mickey goes through something similar - both Martha and Mickey are characters designed to be ignored or left behind, and it sucks.

Donna: Donna Noble is one of the greatest fictional characters to ever exist. Despite seemingly living a fairly average life and working a fairly average job, Donna reflects the idea that no one is truly "average" and every single person is brimming with personality, life, and love. I love that her relationship with 10 is purely platonic, personally their friendship feels like it has a lot more depth than either of the romance-oriented relationships 10 had with Rose and Martha. 10 and Donna bounce off of each other so well and it's delightful, Donna brings so much humor and life to every world she's taken to and it's incredible. I wish her and Captain Jack could have interacted more.

My favorite episode: The Runaway Bride is hard to not choose as my favorite. I have a blast every time I watch this episode and it’s such a good introduction for Donna. Also the Tardis car chase kills me, I love when it cuts to the kids in the back of another car clapping and cheering. I was also surprised by the episode Midnight - it’s dreadful to watch and I kinda loved it. So much spirals out of control when shit hits the fan, even though no one has any idea what they’re trying to fight against. Really interesting exploration as to how fear can drive people apart.

My least favorite episode: It’s Love & Monsters. I wish I liked this episode - stories that follow regular ass people living in this world are often some of the best episodes in the series (Weeping Angels and all that). And this episode definitely has some of that. It’s honestly really touching to see this group of nerds get together and enjoy life in the first part of the episode. I think the antagonist of “guy who absorbs people” ends up dragging down any charm this story had because he just. eats all of the interesting characters. But despite me disliking this episode, I honestly have a deep respect for it - it’s fucking crazy. It ends with the main guy telling us about his sex life with his girlfriend who is now stuck in a piece of concrete. Where else are you going to get a story like this. It fucking sucks and that’s hilarious

oh also the production design: GODDDDDD I FUCKING LOVE THE PRODUCTION DESIGN AND SETS ON THIS SHOW. I love how dirty and rundown a lot of the spaceship sets look with wires and lights scattered everywhere. And a number of alien designs also go CRAZY with the prosthetics - I keep thinking about the Hath from The Doctor’s Daughter and how every head prosthetic had liquid inside it that could bubble. Absolutely crazy. I also love the moments where you can clearly see they did not have that much time and just had to throw something together or pain a bald cap green. Jank is the nature of sci-fi production design and I dearly love and miss that Doctor Who jank.

Rebuild of Evangelion

Last year after finishing the original Evangelion series + End of Evangelion, I remember going through the Evangelion tumblr tag and being very confused by the number of slice of life/found family-esque fanworks of the cast. It left me puzzled and thinking “...did we even watch the same thing??”

APPARENTLY NOT

[spoiler warning here because these movies are very good and i give the best parts away. if you want to watch these movies then DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!]

I honestly never expected a world where these characters got a happy ending. I so, so badly wish I could see 3.0 and 3.0+1.0 in theaters - these movies are stunning. I know I say things “go crazy” a lot, but man. They go fucking CRAZY.

While I have a few issues with how the first two movies adapted the original show, I do think the changes they made better serve the story this rebuild is trying to tell. For example, my favorite episode in the original Eva series is episode 18, where Toji is chosen to pilot Unit 03. It’s absolutely terrifying because Shinji doesn’t know who 03’s pilot is, yet he’s forced to be inside Unit 01 as it tears 03 apart. His resolve not to kill anyone despite not even knowing who’s in danger is an aspect of that episode I love and speaks to Shinji's inherent humanity, and when he learns Toji was in there it hurts even more. The rebuild movies change Unit 03’s pilot to Auska, and Shinji knows she’s in there from the start. I think this choice works for the movies and is still an effective emotional beat, but personally I still prefer the version where Shinji had no idea who was in there. That lack of knowledge is infinitely more terrifying to me.

I really like what these movies did with some of the angel designs though. The sixth angel (the fuckin. blue diamond cube thing) works really well in 3D/CG animation. The way the thing warps and moves is otherly and terrifying - and it’s just a fucking cube. I’ve always really loved how the Eva series approaches angel designs and the divine - despite the alien-like designs, there’s often something extremely familiar about them. They’re often reminiscent of an animal, a machine, or a human. This is also how they approached the anti-universe in these movies, I loved how it takes the form of various locations from the series and turns them into a movie set. It’s deeply familiar, but ultimately just an illusion of familiarity like the angels and the divine.

Also I gotta say. I fucking love Mari. I think she’s hilarious. She first meets Shinji by accidentally parachuting into him and then immediately starts crawling on all fours to sniff him. This girl also introduces “Beast Mode” where the Eva pilots can go wild turn their mechs into a fucking. superpowered beast of some sort. And also she defeats a whole army by using the Eiffel Tower as a spear. She’s such an absurd character and I honestly kinda love it. The only thing I knew about these movies before watching them was this gif of her Backing That Shit Up and she truly lives up to the insane nature of this shot.

My favorite section of these movies is definitely the first part of 3.0+1.0 where the pilots are basically just living a domestic life in a small town - it’s truly beautiful. The growth that Rei’s copy goes through here is fantastic, I love stories about seemingly emotionless beings learning how to live. And right after she dies, we get the shot that absolutely broke me the first time I saw it:

This shit. The way you can just barely tell he’s been crying from the red around his eyes. They don't talk about it, they barely linger on it, but it's allowed just enough time to punch you in the gut. I don’t know why this shot got me as hard as it did but goddamn. jesus christ. i want to throw up

There’s some goofy shit in these movies. The infinite synch rate. Misato’s stupidass hat and sunglasses. Some goofy ass 3D animation that doesn’t age super well. The rainbow that shows up every time an angel dies. But these things really didn’t take me out of the core of these films, and there’s so much genuine emotion and beauty in this series that had me absolutely hooked - especially in the last two films. They go crazy. My favorite line is 100% “The only thing a son can do for his father is pat him on the shoulder… or kill him.” and man. ain’t that what Evangelion is all about. i love these movies

High School Musical 3

kinda slaps just a little bit

High School Musical 3 starts with a finale number. The last high school basketball game of Troy Bolton’s life - and it goes kinda hard. The classic pep band brass that’s essential to so many High School Musical numbers returns, and the constant theme of two feuding cheer teams in the background? Genius. This is truly art. I love listening to Now or Never without visuals because in the middle Troy just starts coughing and gagging seemingly out of nowhere

Unfortunately, starting the movie at such a high point means that the rest of the runtime doesn’t quite match up to it. The story lags and meanders quite a bit, but part of me kinda appreciates that - it’s their last semester of high school, which is always a time of confusion and turmoil. However, I do have a pitch for how they could have countered the constant falling action this movie seems to go through:

The Wildcats should have lost their last game at the beginning of the movie.

What if the game is instead the inciting incident that leads Troy and his besties through their tumultuous last semester? Troy is still torn between basketball and theater, but his identity would be even further challenged here - is winning and success all that matters for him, or is it the love of sport and performance that keeps him going? idk whatever this movie came out 16 years ago i can’t be out here writing AUs for it jgnfsgfnjdksg

Some miscellaneous thoughts about this movie that i don’t care about formatting into larger paragraphs:

Ryan and Sharpay’s number (I Want It All) slaps as usual. The part where Ryan shouts “MADISON SQUARE GARDEN!!!!!!!” makes me so happy every time i hear it

The production design and sets go absolutely fucking crazy. I still have no idea how they pulled off the spinning hallway in Scream.

One of the classic staples of HSM is Chad’s shirts. Most of them are fairly silly and like something you would expect to find in the walmart clearance section. However, there’s one shirt he has in this movie that confused the hell out of me. It’s this one:

What the FUCK does Greenster mean. Is it just a combination of Green and Monster?? Why??? What green monster are we talking about here????? Where the fuck did this shirt come from?????????

Avatar The Last Airbender (2024)

There’s really only one word I can think of to describe what this show is like: sauceless. No flavor. No depth. No character. No sauce. This show is honestly so fucking boring and seems to fundamentally misunderstand what the appeal of the original Avatar series is - not necessarily because things are changed or removed from the original, but because nothing of substance is added in return.

Most of the characters are mere echoes of their original counterparts when compared to their source material. Sokka is reduced to a guy who wants to fight good, Katara’s stubborn and confrontational nature is very rarely utilized, and Aang’s mischievous antics and love of fun is sorely missing. One of the major reasons for the dull interpretations seems to be the directing - While I have faith that most of these actors are trying their best (especially since a number of them are kids/young adults), the direction seems to be incredibly lackluster and takes away nearly every cast member’s stage presence or personality. There’s a number of reaction shots of the main trio that just look like this: 😐😐😐 as if they were just told to “look concerned” at the events unfolding before them. And these issues are apparent in the majority of the performances - for example, General Zhao talks like he’s in a board meeting up until the last episode, and it’s an incredibly flat performance. He talks somewhat monotone in the original series as well, but this live-action take on the character often meanders with his dialogue and lacks that sharp, terrifying quality that I think this character needs. Uncle Iroh also feels incredibly stiff in this adaptation, and it’s a goddamn crime that they took away the cunty little outfit and chains he was originally wearing when he gets captured by earthbenders. wait who said that

Credit where credit is due, there’s a few cast members that seem to be giving their best. It’s clear that Aang’s actor enjoys the role and does pretty well despite the lackluster direction and dialogue he’s given. On top of that, I think Zuko’s actor is honestly the best part of the show. His take on Zuko leans much more into teenage tendencies and sarcasm, which, although it can be silly, is a welcome take of the character in my opinion and pretty fun to watch. There’s this one line he has at the beginning of episode 2 where, in an incredibly whiny tone of voice, he goes “He RAN! The ultimate warrior! He’s a Coward :((((“ and the read is so. fucking funny

The case of bad direction isn’t limited to the performances, however. It’s also stunningly apparent in how everything is shot. Despite being in a widescreen format, most shots are incredibly centered - you could crop the entire runtime into a 4:3 frame and you wouldn’t be cutting out much of anything. I’ve seen some speculation that this was an intentional choice to make things more adaptable or readable for TikTok/phone video, but honestly I think that’s a dumb take. I think the issue stems from a lack of creativity and thoughtless composition. Keeping everything staged in the center can make shots feel disjointed, lacking much depth, or completely empty. It’s a boring way to shoot and indicates that the show lacks any unique vision at all.

Overall, this show doesn't really seem to understand what makes Avatar interesting in the first place. It's more interested in spectacle and action than the characters' relationships, emotions, and mistakes. I try not to compare it too much to the original since it's allowed to take liberties with its adaptation, but very few of its changes add much to the end result or give it a unique voice. It's just sauceless and boring.

Some YouTube videos i liked in February:

💥 My House.WAD - Inside Doom's Most Terrifying Mod (some supplemental House of Leaves material for ya) 💥 Martha Jones Deserved Better (this video explains how Doctor Who did Martha dirty better than i ever could) 💥 bringing JUSTICE to the worst garfield game 💥 Selling Kids for Clout: The Downfall of Family Channels

And that’s my roundup for February! Thank you for reading, I promise there are no more reviews left to scroll through below this goodbye. Nope, nothing else I watched this month. Bye!

…ok is everyone gone. phew, i’m glad no one noticed i pulled an hbomberguy and hid the largest part of this post under a false ending. Anyway holy shit i need to talk about hazbin hotel

Hazbin Hotel

well i didn’t like it

Hazbin Hotel is a weird, fascinating mess of a show. Every episode left me wondering what creative decisions (or lack thereof) led to the sequence of images I just watched. There’s been a lot of discussion of this show recently and I’m not interested in covering every critique I have, but there’s a few things that I'd like to talk about somewhat in-depth.

Hell is real and it's just Red Chicago

The setting of Hell is kinda boring in this show.

Let me try to put this into perspective. Aside from the hotel, here’s a list of the locations we see in Hell:

A boardroom

A video store

Vox’s evil lair (it has cyber sharks which is kinda cool)

Various streets

Another boardroom

A BDSM club

Carmilla’s house (it’s gray and has. balconies?)

A porn studio

A bar

Another bar

A town square (full of cannibals)

None of these locations really take on any sort of otherworldly form besides some vague demonic imagery scattered throughout (and the cannibals. i guess. whatever). In short, Hazbin Hotel’s setting resembles Chicago more than it does Hell.

I can see a world where that’s intentional. Perhaps making Hell resemble a modern city could be used as a thematic tool or point of relatability? But Hazbin doesn’t really do anything like that - since the characters rarely ever interact with their environments, these locations end up seeming like they lack creativity, like they’re just cardboard sets where characters go to swear. They all start to blend together after a while - every street feels the same, every boardroom fades into the background, and every bar feels like a google image search result for the word “club.” This world feels stunningly empty despite the busy designs and colors. Even though the backgrounds are painted and designed fairly well, nothing of substance is ever really added to them through the story.

However, a few musical numbers take effort to break away from these settings. This felt like a weight off of my shoulders whenever it happened, it was nice to see some interesting setpieces and backgrounds that weren’t red. I liked the bombastic and over-the-top broadway lights in Loser and the glowing alternate world in Charlie and Lucifer’s song. But these moments are few and crowded by the dull locations in Hell - or worse, the Hotel itself.

Despite being the namesake of the show, the actual Hazbin Hotel is… lifeless. Which, yeah, it’s a hotel where dead people go in the afterlife, but it’s missing any sort of personality or history besides “it’s old and falling apart.” I expected the hotel to be full of secrets - like maybe some hidden passages or rooms, or mysterious cabinets full of rotted meats, or old valuables hidden under the rugs by the previous owners. Something for the cast to explore and discover, and as they get closer to each other they also start to understand the hotel more. Alastor seems very intent on keeping the physical hotel standing for some reason, but I never really understood why. There’s nothing there. And that nothingness is fully realized when at the end of the show, they just rebuild the entire hotel to be grand and beautiful - an emotional beat that didn’t hit me at all because I never felt like I knew the hotel in the first place. Despite rebuilding it from the ground up, it will feel just as empty.

3 SHOTS THAT DRIVE ME CRAZY

I was truly baffled at how some of these scenes are timed and put together. Multiple sequences left me feeling nauseous and dazed - the camera moves like it’s being swung on the end of a rope, and there’s so many misplaced or meaningless cuts scattered through these episodes.

There’s a sequence of three shots in the first episode that I want to dissect. I will fully admit that I'm breaching nitpicking territory here, but the shot composition issues in this show are pretty rampant and my analysis here is just a hyper-specific look at a single part of that larger problem. Hopefully you can also use it as a quick storyboarding lesson too idk

First, we see Adam teasing Charlie.

Then, it cuts straight to this shot:

A few things here.

Shot 2 is just closer on the characters, which is not a great idea to cut to after the previous waist-up shot. On top of being a jarring jump cut, there is no purpose for this new shot. All the information we see here (Adam laughs, Charlie fake laughs) could have just been conveyed in the previous shot.

Despite the characters being in the same position as the last shot, the background changes. This straight up just feels like an error. I think the idea is supposed to be that the camera is at a different angle, but the position of the characters does not convey that. It looks like reality changes behind them.

And if that’s not enough, this is the shot we get immediately after those two:

In this shot, the residents of the hotel sit on the couch as Vaggie walks into the shot, framing them between her legs. But there’s something… off.

Vaggie either looks like she’s floating or she’s three stories tall. Quick storyboard lesson as to why:

The main problem with this shot is that the perspective of the background doesn’t match up with where Vaggie is placed. The couch is framed as if the camera were above it, but Vaggie is framed like the camera is floor-level below her. I’ve traced the shot and added a perspective grid to hopefully better illustrate this:

Do you see what I mean? If the camera WAS actually on the floor like Vaggie’s position in the shot suggests, the composition would look more like this:

Notice how much closer the floor grid is to the bottom of the frame and how you can see the underside of the couch.

And to be fair, this is probably what the original storyboard for this shot looked like! Personally I think something went wrong in the compositing stage - this might be a couch background from another shot that was reused here to save time, or whoever approved this shot just let the error slide since the shot is so short (i've been there. sometimes you let the jank slide). Most animated shows will have some poorly framed shots and continuity errors because mistakes are bound to happen, but two egregious ones right next to each other like this is. pretty bad. It's so noticeable from a directing perspective.

Here’s the thing: these three shots happen in the span of like 10 seconds. Most viewers probably wouldn’t notice these issues, and that's fine. But even though these errors are quick, they stack upon each other so fast that even if you can’t pinpoint exactly what’s wrong, something still feels wrong. There’s so many other moments where the show breaks extremely basic shot composition, continuity, and staging rules - for example, the second musical number of the show breaks the 180 rule like four times for no good reason. The whole show feels like a dizzy, nauseating mess because the shots rarely feel like they form anything cohesive.

MY ROOMMATE TOLD ME TO GO TO BED SO HERE ARE SOME FINAL THOUGHTS

Here’s a rundown on some other thoughts that I don’t care to format into larger sections:

The show seems to lack much to say about sin and redemption other than “redemption good.” like sure, but what are they being redeemed from? Is heaven truly the place they deserve to go after being redeemed, even though it’s shown to be unjust? Are there sins that are too great to be redeemed from, or others that shouldn't be considered sins at all? I asked myself a number of questions like this, but never got many answers from Hazbin.

This show has a bad relationship with kink and sex. Both are mostly used as a punchline or a form of control. I didn’t like it. Perhaps the reason Hazbin never really comments on the nature of sin is because it needs you to consider sex and kink sinful or otherly for these jokes to hit.

Some of the animation is crazy good. I will praise any animator that even attempts to make these character designs move. A number of extremely talented people worked on this show, a few of the musical sequences in particular have some incredible movement.

Alastor is a very boring character. It’s wild that most of the side characters in this show only exist to talk about how much they like or hate Alastor, he mostly just stands to the side of some shots or kills random nameless goons. I expected him to have a much larger role in the story, but he just gets his ass kicked in the final episode and then crawls back to the hotel.

Episode 4 is the most cohesive, and i think Angel is the best character in the show. Unfortunately, the fact that Hazbin takes so much effort to show Angel’s misery left me… concerned? None of the other characters get treated as poorly as Angel by the narrative. There’s a few smaller explorations of trauma, but nothing remotely compares to what Angel is put through on-screen. This isn’t to say that I think the whole cast needs to be extremely traumatized and constantly miserable, but rather that I find it concerning that the only character subjected to incredibly graphic abuse and torture (that we see or hear about) is the gay sex worker. Which sucks, because I think the concept of hypersexuality resulted from sexual abuse is an important topic worthy of discussing in adult media. I just think they tried to execute this theme without much critical thought beforehand.

I think the voice cast does a fantastic job for the most part. Keith David is way too good for Husk.

I really liked the one shot where Charlie opens her phone and we see that she has a contact for every individual egg minion.

I was very brave and got through this whole review without talking about my new least favorite character of all time, Vox. here’s what I think of him:

The overall vision and end result of Hazbin Hotel is just mediocre. While I don’t know what led to the messy state this show ended up in, my guess is that it was probably the result of inadequate direction, sloppy writing, and lacking creative support from the studios involved. Because of this, please understand that I have no desire or intention to put down any individual artists that worked on this show - I hope it's clear that most of my criticisms are directed at the larger vision these artists were given to execute and/or the lack of creative support they received while working on this show.

I also don’t really have much desire to participate in any further Hazbin discussion or discourse because it has wasted enough of my time already and I want to be free of this curse. please spare my inbox from hazbin hotel discourse. please. i'm begging.

You want to know what the most fucked up thing about this is though? Despite everything I said about Hazbin, Avatar the Last Airbender 2024 is still the worst show I watched this month. I would take Hazbin over Avatar 2024 literally any day.

well if you got this far. thanks for reading. also sorry you read all that. whelp alright back into my hole i go bye bye

#to get to my hazbin hotel opinions you must first read my pitch on how i would have written high school musical 3 #jesus christ. either i gotta watch less things or learn to shut the hell up next month this is a longass post #review roundup #long post

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skylights422 · 22 days

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Watching X-Men '97, and one thing I find funny about Morph so far is that a lot of his teasing feels like it SHOULD be making the team angrier with him - since he does tend to needle at insecurities a bit - but it...doesn't? (This being written with 7/10 episodes still left to air mind you, so maybe at some point a character will go 'Morph you've been meaner since you came back from the dead and no I don't mean the possession arc could you tone it down', which I'll take if/when it comes) LIKE. In the first two episodes when they go to cheer up Wolverine, both times they shift into people you would think would upset Wolverine (Jean and Sabretooth), but it...genuinely gets him to open up/relax/feel better? xD Which I guess shows Wolverine is kind of a weirdo too and that's possibly part of why he meshes well with Morph lol. But also, okay, those two are Best Friends, it makes sense the pair would have a unique dynamic and Morph would know pretty well how far they can go without upsetting him or otherwise having the unintended effect of 'not cheering him up'. But then with the other teammates, they still go pretty far with the teasing, and it admittedly doesn't make them feel Better like with Wolverine, but the reaction generally seems to be more of a 'ugh Morph' rather than a serious 'WHOA NOW that is too far and I am Offended'. Like when he was teasing Scott by turning into the currently deceased Xavier? Scott was like >:/ and not much else, and then everyone else in the room also gave Scott crap for being too rigid lol, so clearly this was not, somehow, considered a boundary to Not Cross. Or when he teases Gambit - lol the fact this even happened to me implies either Rogue and Magneto are SO UN-SUBTLE about seeing each other that it's become a team joke and everyone knows, or Gambit has complained about it often enough to Wolverine and Morph that they've reached the teasing him about it stage, and both explanations are kinda funny to me. But still, Gambit's reaction here is more of a 'aw shiz what if they have a point' and less 'hey knock it off you're being mean' (though Wolverine did actually say that a bit but let's be real he also found it funny, which did lessen the impact of the chastisement somewhat). And I just find this whole dynamic kind of funny because either the X-Men are all kind of weird and their line of what 'taking teasing too far' looks like is just placed differently than most people's (this is at least the case for Wolverine lolll), they all know Morph well enough to know they don't mean it to be actually cruel, or Morph knows them well enough to know which needling will get an eye roll and which would actually make them really hurt or angry. (Or that everyone other than Wolverine and maybe Jean and Storm find Morph off-putting but don't know how to bring it up since he is otherwise a very loyal/dedicated teammate, which again, we'll see if that's brought up) Overall though I've been really enjoying Morph (I liked him in the original series too) and like what they're doing with them, so I'm curious to see what they do with them!

#x-men 97 #x men 97 #x men morph

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factorialsotherfandoms · 5 months

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its 6am and I'm complaining myself through the ending of purgatory k? This is just the bitching not a full balanced analysis, bits I genuinely enjoyed are missing so it looks like I have a worse opinion than I did, its below a cut because a lot of people don't want that and that's absolutely good. I'm just processing through.

I think purgatory ending feels bad because we were promised by the way it was advertised and treated the end of the arc, and what we got was another fucking mid point instead. A mid point which after this going on for so long nobody really wanted. Setting up new project cool! But it felt miserable to watch the end. Probably could have been helped if the CCs had more info on a meta level - just the timescales and that this wasn't actually the end of the arc - so they could pace themselves and us better. The eggs missing has gone on for far too long, we've been given far too little to work with, and it's just not fun viewing any more. Which is why my engagement is so dependent on the next little while.

That, plus getting to the boat on foot was impossible without near perfection - something they were never going to all have. I like giving qMaxo his big sendoff with the nuke which solves nothing! But people who were legitimately trying to escape (Cellbit, Tina, off the top of my head - Cellbit just legit got lost in the underground. He said after he decided to stay but like... really? We'll have to wait and see next time he plays qsmp. If nothing else he legit had shit to do planned, and I feel like he would discuss it more with Roier if he was going to perma-kill Cellbit as that's massive to put on someone else's character. Pretty sure ccCellbit was just teasing like he fucking does but we'll see. Also changes what Maxo did if any of them die to it /significantly/. I'll be genuinely worried for ccMaxo if his characters actually pretty neat death arc resulted in a fan favourite character permadying in a game without permadeath) should have had a legit chance to do so. If they were supposed to be able to. I really hope the admins smooth that bit over one way or another, because it just made shit feel extremely bad. Kinda expect the /actual/ ruling to be if one person made it they all did, but dear god they needed to tell the players that immediately after or whatever if so. Failing that you could maybe have the others in the Nether or something, but youd need to coordinate everyone who didn't make it and that'd just suck logistically. The sensible answer is if one person got there they all did because this isn't a high legality sort of game. For players.

Like the other eggs were probably kidnapped by something and reported out? And I'm betting on black concrete plot as that's the plot actually associated with them disappearing in the first place, but for all it's cool moments up until then it just... dropped the ball. Tbh the entire thing with the eggs being involved was a massive ball drop which lead to /one/ cool conversation but otherwise just made everything infinitely less enjoyable.

Poor BBH. Like cc wise. He's one of a whole lot of them who have horrific rp safety practices, but also there's not really anyone to teach them that and that's nothing to punish someone for. Hope it gets hashed out with him. All of them but especially him.

Having players of another project as "advertising" for a new project without them knowing more in advance tastes kinda shitty. Very shitty. We'll see how tied it ends up being but that's just not comfy.

Quackity saying about big stuff planned is absolute ass. Like legitimately and out of character the CCs genuinely need a break for a bit you can't just throw them back into heavy stuff immediately. They need space to breath oc and find their footing ic. Most of them have streamed far more than usual this fortnight, and even for those who do stream daily usually it's been intense. You can say if its hurting them they can just take a break but you cannot convince me they can when their literal irl incomes depend on this. Some more than others, but they do.

Also like the tension just genuinely doesn't hold that long. Most of what I run is combat heavy fantasy events, but I've done horror too. And a big bit of running horror events is studying how pacing and tension works, especially over an extended period (horror events locally tend to be multi-day). You /can/ change the usual layout, but you have to know your fucking shit and be really careful if you do, and the admins and Quackity just don't seem to - as a collective whole, some individuals may - have the experience necessary to fuck with the formula. Like. I'm burnt out, the players are ooc burnt out, the fandom generally seems burnt out - not giving the players a win here was already a mistake, but the tension /has/ snapped. Too many people are too burnt out from playing more than usual and all that, under very high stakes circumstances, for very little reward. There needs to be a break where players who do other stuff can play other stuff and players who don't can take the time to find their footing again. Tension levels are not sustainable and they broke them open. If they hadn't revealed the eggs you could have stretched it another few days, but they did. At which point losing the eggs again is genuinely so fucking unsatisfying. They could have only been shown the winning egg. Like sure fuck with people, that's what's going on IC and OC maybe it was supposed to be reassurance, but it just ended up feeling ghoulish. It was so obviously playing on feelings it just fell flat for me. Not even the fun playing with feelings, just a fuck you.

Also communication has been fucking atrocious. Yes keep twists in the bag, I can see arguments for all plot points, but the players needed to know the timescale, the fact it was a PvP not a lore event, and that this wasn't the end of the eggs missing arc rather an interlude waaaaaaaaaaay earlier. Like they found out as these things became obvious, but given the time commitment it demanded they needed to know like weeks before it started. As soon as it was announced. We can tall all we like about trusting the admins, but the admins have got to fucking trust their players to still make good viewing times even if not everything is a complete surprise. It fucked over Cellbit and Roier and their murder plot planning, it fucked over a lot of people ooc and their streaming schedules and their ability to do actual life things. Forever when given the Judas plot should have been told in advance when it would be activatable. The players - not the characters or the audience, the players - should have known it was 15 days, PvP, only 1 egg was on the cards for now, that the chance to save the others will come later (I have no doubt it will), and that they would need to escape fast at the end. Not the why, not the how, not the plot, but you need to know the fucking stakes.

Like okay let's look at shit I run a sec. Its nor perfect, but we've been building on a 20+ year tradition of larp in the same place and learning from what does and doesnt work. Info players have in advance:

date and time. for things run for and at the university, dates generally are announced start of the year, and which system will be which day is the start of every term. For events for the uni but at an unusual place or time (often an IC dinner party or similar), 3 weeks in advance. For stuff not associated with the university (I help with fewer of these, as far fewer happen and theyte the ones i can still play with my disability)... well, they tend to be multi day in a hired venue and players pay a lot of money to be there, so its usually about a year and a half in advance. The stuff below about pitches are for saturday ones - paid for multi day events all that info is announced at least a year in advance, and for single day non-university ones at least 6 months. But like qsmp is a constantly running thing so the university stuff is a fairer comparison.

Every event has a "pitch". This goes up the Tuesday before for Saturday events - theres a couple of different teams running different genres but same place same time theres a larp every termtime saturday just 9/30 are run by my team. The pitch will contain the information the characters know going into a mission or social or whatever. If theres a twist the twist isn't mentioned, ofc, just the initial setup. Then, there's an out of character section, with stuff like date and time and reminders to weather weather appropriate clothing and sturdy shoes.

If the event is /not/ in the format players expect, in the out of character info including things like the time, we say that. We run combat heavy stuff. If it's purely social, we say so. If it'll be more Freeform than usual, we say so. If the party is getting split we - you guessed it - say so.

Our events have different levels of IC rewards. The basic reward can always be assumed (3 gold, iirc). Theres also 4 and 5 gold days. If its not 3 gold, it says so in the pitch, and players know this is a difficulty rstinf system. 3 is normal, 4 is "this is designed to be challenging for late end high xp characters and is likely to kill lower levels", 5 is "we are actively trying to kill someone". Death is always an option, but the ref team don't usually want it.

Sometimes there are RP rewards too. These are not explicately stated, but are alluded to "you will be paid so long as you eliminate the monster. If you capture it and deliver it to the university, however, the chancellor promises an extra something for you" sort of thing. "The Dowager Duchess is well known for rewarding those in her favour. Impress her, and she may do the same for you".

If there's distressing content that isn't covered by genre and game style, we include a warning. Last time was "this session will include horror elements. A list of content warnings is available from any ref on request", and we DMed players we knew have triggers on that list the same day pitch went out to liase with them. Yes even when the trigger is a plot twist or a spoiler because fuck you player safety will always be most important. One which had content warnings but was not horror "this session contains potentially distressing material. A list of content warnings is available from any ref on request".

And like... call me naive but this is the sort of info the players should have? In advance they should have a summary (yes it's also given IC at the start of the event, but it means they can prep properly), dates and times well in advance (so they can prep their lives and other projects), expected rewards (even if vague), and any particularly common triggers (like say a third party intentionally sewing paranoia and fucking with mental health of characters) should have a "theres triggers here please put a message in your help channel for a list". I'd say also some indicator of where on a plot arc something falls.

We dont give this because our pacing plot arc wise is determined by how we run them. Paid events are all always one offs (I run them with a different group of people but same circle) - except when they aren't in which case this is made clear at the pitching stage- and uni ones its dictated by the university schedule - we run nine main events a year, 3 each term. There's a small climax last linear of every term, and a major one at the end of a year. Yearly arcplots do not always exist but when they do they end with the last linear of term. There are some other plots brewing over longer periods - when those come to a head, they will become the main plot for a year and their climaxes run on yearly arcplot rules. It is never the case that all sessions in a year are arcplot related, to give players not interested in a specific thing something to do.

Other things they could probably do with include a safe word and establishing a way for an admin to indicate a fuck up due to glitch or mistake - probably an "ignore me" emote only admins have access to.

This all being said - the admin team want people to have fun and for it to go well, and the medium is much younger than traditional LARP. Information for their specific media does not exist, and while they maybe should look at rp for ideas they probably look at tabletop and don't even consider LARP - let alone larp styles more common in Europe. I can say things all I want, but I'm just a guy over here. The admins are trying their best and do want the best for their players, and will have a plan. It's just infuriating sometimes.

#fandom neg #qsmp neg

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henrioo · 4 months

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Stepcest stepcest stepcest give us stepcest or give us death ☠️

Did I create a monster? I think so

Look I'm not gonna give either of them

But I'm gonna tell you why

ATTENTION A FUCKING LONG TALK POST AFTER THAT, REALLY LONG BECAUSE I TALK A LOT (maybe not that long I'm kinda dramatic)

Basically I have two ideas for a mini series with only stepcest, the first one is basically all ploted. I have basically all chapter ideas and is only missing some chapters and the end. Basically ready to write if I want.

The second one is just an idea and I still don't have any plot for the chapters, basically because she is a really multi characters mini series, like, I guess is like six characters x reader (not at the same time lol). So it is really hard plot for everyone without making someone have more and others have less.

But Henri, if you already had one of them with all the plots you need, why don't you write already?

It is just because of a little little problem: myself and my dysphoria. Let me explain better, basically this first plot is an old plot, when I was writing only with gn reader. But now something chance and if you follow me you gonna see I just write for male reader now.

Ok, then just write the story with male reader! Easy to talk, a little more hard to do. The thing is, it is a smut series, so duh has a lot of sex. And the problem comes here actually, since I'm an Afab man it is easier for me to write smut with a male Afab reader, so why don't I do this?

Basically for two reasons. 1- I don't know who my dysphoria is gonna react with Vsex, look dumb but for trans male people this can be a real thing. The smut I have written in this new phase is only with anal sex or amab body, then my dysphoria doesn't have anything to complain about. And even I know that like, Vsex doesn't mean I'm a woman the brain of trans people is really fucked up and we care with everting.

So since I don't know exactly how I'm with Vsex, since some days I'm fine with others I can't think about having Vsex without crying, I don't feel too comfortable writing this yet. I could make amab but since I am not amab I don't feel confident in writing a body I don't have.

Now the second problem. Afab means that 90% of the readers will be woman's.

Yeah there are a lot of Afab people that aren't women in this place, but guys let's be realist okay? If there is a V (sorry I don't want to use the full word) a lot of women will read.

They will not even care if there are pronouns masc, because different of us trans people, have their pronouns mistaken don't hurt them, but for us reading a "good girl" can ruin a whole day.

And I genuinely don't want much of a woman reading my things, especially smut. Because if a lot of women read they are gonna repost or show to other women friends and when I blink my story will be divulged like a smut story for woman's just because is afab.

That part some people are going to be mad about, but bro, try to understand. There is like 5% of content for male readers and like 3% for trans male readers. If fucking frustrating that instead of the male community you want to give content, the woman's just read and treat like is content for them! My blog is not for women's! Is only for men people!

You guys will forgive me, but the woman readers here think that everything is for them, and it's not! My imagines are only for male people, from a male to a male.

Then I don't wanna write smut Afab yet because I'm kinda worried that women will start thinking my blog is for women just because I write Afab, because is not.

I probably will have to fate this some time, but for now I wanna to give more male content so everyone will know that I only write for male people. Then when I feel I have a good community of males here I can try some Afab smut. But not for now.

And maybe when I do this I can genuinely block any woman that interacts with the post hahahahha let's fight with them with all we have!

Also my reaction to the first time I read this ask:

#one piece x reader #one piece #one piece x you #one piece imagine #onepiece #anime imagines #imagines #henri talk #one piece x male reader #one piece x masc reader #one piece x trans male reader #one piece x transmasc reader #x reader #x male reader #x transmasc reader #x trans male reader #sometimes woman sucks #can you just let us have our things?#male people deserve storys too

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murfeelee · 9 months

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Witcher Season 3 (AKA The "Final" Season 🤣😂)

Alright y'all, back at it again with my 3rd Witcher tv show "review" or whatever. S1 | S2

Disclosure: I already told y'all that I've made peace with this being the Yennefer Show, and that I'll keep watching when Liam Hensworth plays Geralt in S4, because this show ain't been about Geralt or witchers anyway--it's about the mages, obviously. Like, I don't blame Cavill for leaving, cuz if I had to play second fiddle to Yenn when I'M the titular MC, but I don't have ANY scenes, ZERO speaking lines, and NOTHING to do in my own show, then yeah I'd quit too! So I'm not gonna complain about what I WISH this show was--it will NEVER be the books or the games (definitely not Game of Thrones). Missed opportunity.

All that being said, unpopular opinion, but IMO Season 3 kinda slapped? The 2nd "volume"/part was the best BY FAR, but I genuinely liked the vast majority of the episodes. I give S3 a 9.5/10, because I actually have very few complaints about this season overall, I'm shocked. (EDIT: I have DEEProoted suspicions about a lot of naysayers/hatewatchers who say the show's "unwatchable," just because it's got a multicultural cast/"agenda"--sounds like racism to me.)

THE GOOD

The MAIN PLOT actually went somewhere!!!! A wild Vilgefortz appears! ^0^ He beat the DOG SNOT outta Geralt, YIKES! XD

One of my biggest gripes about S1 was that the show didn't focus nearly enough on THE BIG BAD, Vilgefortz. Cahir got SO MUCH screentime doing literally NOTHING for 2 whole seasons, meanwhile the rest of Geralt's Hanse was NOWHERE to be seen, and Vilgefortz was just sitting in the cut looking pretty, like wtf?

And Season 2 was barely any better!

But yeah, S3 FINALLY gave us Vilgefortz's dastardly behavior I'd been waiting for. He effed everybody up at Thanned, as I expected--that's my special evil boy! <3 (Now that Ciri jacked half his face up I'm very sad--that man is absolutely splendid to look at. A moment of silence for the eye candy, it will be missed. U_U)

THANNED. ^0^ Hoooooooly god this was great, even better than Sodden in S1. Episode 6 is the best episode in S3--such a great battle; people were dying left and right. And MAMA TISS!!!!! She went OFF! O_O

It was so sad, but ofc this was all gonna happen--they had Tissaia allllll the way up Vilgefortz's butt, so OF COURSE she was going to be crushed when he INEVITABLY betrayed her. (I don't blame you though, girl, cuz he's SO DANG PRETTY! I'd be crushed, too!) But at least Mama Tissaia got that body count up during the battle--SLAY! The way Filavandrel was just.... 🤯

Speaking of the elves, Francesca and Fringilla were put on the backburner (after dang near dominating S2); but I like the way their arcs ended, even though I felt bad for them. Very good scenes; the mages & their arcs are the very best parts of the show, as usual.

LODGE OF SORCERESSES RISE! ^0^ Dijikstra & Philippa. 😍

These freaks--I LOVE them, your honor! 😅 I was so hyped to see Geralt break Djikstra's leg, but Philippa had me ROLLING when she was like "well, it's a good thing you like pain"--I DIED! XD These kinky mofos! They're hands down one of the best parts of the whole show--I LOVE how sinister Philippa is (her bird feathers are such a great touch--whoever was in charge of her costumes & HAIR 👌), and what a simp Dijkstra is for her. It makes me so sad to know how things go for them in the video game--I sided with Dijikstra to kill Radovid, and was so hurt when he went after Thaler & Roche. But....yeah, I did pick the option to break his other leg, so....oops? XD

So yes, I'm excited to see where this show goes with Philippa and Vilgefortz; how their schemes line up (or not) with Emhyr and the Fake Ciri; and how that effects the REAL Ciri and how she eventually ends up under Avallach (I hope we get to see him on the show!).

Speaking of Ciri, we FIIIIINALLY got to see some domestic Geralt, Yenn & Ciri--even if they are on the run from assassins; and Geralt's iced Yenn out cuz she tried to sacrifice Ciri to Voleth Mier back in S2. A lot of the fandom HATED that they made S2 Yenn betray them, but I think S3 did an alright job of not retconning her, per se, but patching things up. Cuz it's NOT a good look to have your (REAL) main character (LOL) hated by the fandom for betraying her own "daughter." So was the domesticity hamfisted? YES. But was it necessary? GOD yes, otherwise what's the point of showing The Last Wish? They're supposed to be a FAMILY, so for god's sake start giving them scenes to actually SHOW us that--stfu about "destiny"!

Probably another unpopular opinion, but I liked Episode 7 with the unicorn. These are the kinds of adventures Ciri NEEDED in S1, running around some stupid empty forests doing NOTHING is different from learning how to survive on her own in a strange wilderness, encountering strange creatures, and tapping into the good AND bad sides of her magic.

And oooooh my god, the GOAT has returned.

A lot of...hrm...interesting conversations were had as Ciri was hallucinating in the desert, with love of my life Grandmama Calanthe, as well as Pavetta & Falka. It's a shame that Ciri didn't get this kind of development MUCH earlier in the series. Too little too late? We'll have to see where Ciri's plot goes with the Rats in S4 to find out if her new whole Chaos/Fire magic arc is worth it.

AT LONG EFFING LAST, we're getting some HANSE ACTION!!!

I've been SO EFFING SICK of Cahir. I'm glad Ciri finally got closure with him from SEASON ONE, and that he's FINALLY in the Hanse now--took y'all long enough, ffs! And Milva's interesting so far, so I'm glad to see her around, giving Geralt & Dandelion grief. So in S4 all we need now is Angie, and YA BOI!!! ^0^

THE BAD

I wish Mistle and the Rats were better established--the whole Wyvern thing wasn't done very well or made much sense, and Mistle & Ciri should've had WAY more scenes. I wasn't feeling any chemistry between them, which is annoying, since Ciri's a lesbian in my TW3 game--is the show gonna go with hetero Ciri instead? Or is her love of Mistle gonna be what pulls Ciri out of the Fire/Chaos dark arc they're teasing for S4? 👀

What's annoying is that we already had a Dark!Ciri arc in S2 though, and EVERYONE hated it. We see Yenn reconcile betraying Ciri, but where's Ciri reconciliation for slaughtering all those witchers at Kaer Morhen? 😡 First she's possessed by Voleth Mier, now she's possessed by Falka? This show's great at focusing on Yenn & the mages, but leaves Ciri in the same ditch over & over--it's irritating.

Ep5 was a LAME way to end the first half/"volume," I hated that episode. The whole ball just bored me, with the dancing and singing--I get it--"all is not *clap clap* as it seems," stfu already. I didn't care. It was OBVIOUS Stregebor was being framed; WTF was that mop on Istredd's head; WHY was Triss the only one with a braincell who cared that students were going missing when apparently the school's SO strict; why don't these mages start TELEPORTING for once, and stop running around SLOW AF; how the HECK did y'all let HUMAN Dijkstra jump a WHOLE SCHOOL OF MAGES--this is an utter embarrassment. Usually the mages are the only thing this show gets RIGHT, so to see them all faceplant like this was just baffling & frustrating.

And again with the monoliths--how do y'all NOT KNOW these things are here!? Same with the one hidden in Kaer Morhen, like REALLY? NO ONE's medallion is going off? Omg. Istredd! You STUDY these things! Start TEACHING these drunk AF mages a thing or two--this is why Vilgefortz and Dijikstra wiped the floor with y'all on your own turf! 🤦

THE UGLY

The pacing was SLOW AF. Episodes 3-5 particularly dragged.

Everything with Cahir I wish was in S2 instead. That elf was GORGEOUS and I hated to see him go, but what was the point of all that again? I almost expected him & Cahir to start banging! (My perv brain; I need help, y'all. U_U)

Speaking of!

ALLLLLLL this mess about Dandelion & Radovid.

What "ripple effects"? XD It was UNNECESSARY. We all know Radovid's a disgusting genocidal racist psychopath and Dandelion's a womanizing old man--I'm not interested in seeing Radovid going through all this effort to seduce Dandelion, just to DOUBLE CROSS him to get to Ciri, like wtF? TBH, I feel like we were queerbaited, yeah I said it. 😤

And it's SO unfair how we have alllll these sex scenes with naked women's vajayjays & boobs all over the place--even Philippa got in on the action, hey hey hey! ;) --but we never get to see man-on-man action!? Wow, they kissed, SO WHAT!? Men never get full frontal nudity and it ticks me off, cuz naked women are just all over TV, meanwhile the dudes don't show SQUAT, and it's happened AGAIN.

Anyways, those are my only real complaints; otherwise I liked S3, it was much better than S2 IMO. Just don't expect too much--turn your brain off, and accept that this show doesn't gaf about Geralt (or even Ciri really) whatsoever. I'm here for Yennefer, Vilgefortz, and to see the Lodge of Sorceresses make themselves an absolute menace under Philippa so that Radovid literally flips his wig (that horrible weave MUST go in S4) and effs everything up for mages & non-humans.

#the witcher #the witcher 3 #nonsims #mini rant #video games

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skullfacedog · 3 months

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I accidentally stumbled upon a text document of my old journal thread from a therian forum from when I was a teen and now I'm going thru it bc I'm really curious of the signs I had headmates or repressed memories back then

-so far, I've described myself as "being able to switch personalities easily" and wondering if I was half demon or had a demon headmate all along that I didn't know about because I had multiple sides of me that felt very contradictory. I am hellhoundkin but I feel like a lot of the demonic feels I had as a teen have worn off a lot, especially since my mental health has gotten better.

it's crazy reading these old posts bc I'm like a totally different person now lmao. I rlly said "I have violent urges and it's hard to hold back from hurting ppl just to hear them scream" YOU COULDN'T EVEN HURT A FLY WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUTTTT

-another thing that's kinda weird is that I was really obsessed with outer space at some point and mentioned that in my journal and mentioned questioning being stardragonkin but now it's like ?? I mean space is cool but it's nowhere near one of my main interests. I'm more of a fantasy person than a scifi person. naturey shit is wayyyy cooler than stars sorry.

-post about feeling sick for no reason like not having a cold or anything and being unable to eat but I thought it was species dysphoria??

-post complaining that I "don't feel like myself lately". depression or headmate??

-previously talked about feeling hellhound shifts that feel different from normal and kind of having a weird change in mindset. then in this post I mention I have a hellhound headmate named xarashi. that's them!!! that's the hellhound I "shifted" into!! also happy bc I fully forgot their name and it's been killing me that I didn't remember their name and just referred to them as "the hellhound headmate I had as a teenager". I wonder if they're still around but I feel like if I ask I would get an answer just bc I asked, does that make sense?? like I'm afraid my brain is making shit up but also, they were 100% a headmate at one point so it's not crazy to think they could still be there somewhere.

-also mentioned eshari who was a little demon girl headmate I had for a short time who was weirdly malicious. I distinctly remember like having a fight or something triggering me really badly with my internet friend and I just started feeling entirely emotionless and dissociatey and responded to my friend in ways I would not normally. and later I realized that was a headmate and tried talking to her. I genuinely thought she was an evil demon or something but I'm pretty sure she was a persecutor?? girl I'm so sorry I was so fucking dumb. anyway the lore goes that xarashi chased off eshari and kind of replaced her.

-not related to the general post idea here ig I'm just giving a live reaction at this point but I got to the point where I posted about meeting my ex abuser irl when we were dating and I said "I've never been that nervous in my life" "he kept hugging and petting me, it made me a bit uncomfortable bc I'm not used to him, but I liked it!" BITCH YOU ARE LYING TO YOURSELF BECAUSE HE LOVEBOMBED YOU AND YOU SO DESPERATELY WANT TO BE LOVED AND FEEL USEFUL YOU WILL CONVINCE YOURSELF YOU'RE OKAY WITH UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATIONS!!! STOP!!!!!!

literally the next post I made was the announcement of our breakup LMAO

also I still wonder if he reminded me of my CSA abuser bc I was literally IMMEDIATELY wildly uncomfortable when I saw him for the first time irl and I've always kinda been uncomfortable around men with his body type, like kinda big and masculine and with facial hair. I could not date someone who looks like that and I swear it has nothing to do with attractiveness like I'm demiro I do not give a fuck if someone isn't the standard of attraction but I can't date someone too big and masculine bc they scare me?? I'm so thankful my partner is the same height as me and skinny and always shaves. I mean he's cute with facial hair at least, not like overly masculine.

-mentioned always having been closed off to my parents, not telling them that I wished I was a dog (in an otherkin way before I found the community online) or that I "didn't want to go to heaven". why was I such a weird ass kid lmao I remember I wanted to go to hell purely so that I could fight the devil myself and bc "heaven seems boring" ?? why did 7 year old me have like a self sacrifice complex or smth idk like I was OBSESSED with the idea of me going thru pain for other ppl even as a very young child. I have nooo clue if that could be SA related but it is certainly Odd

-mentioned being able to do a really good impression of karkat from homestuck (according to my friends) and wanting to cosplay him. I sorta wondered at the time if I had a karkat headmate bc I could like Become him really easily it was weird. and he has like the complete opposite personality of me.

-mentioned dissociation like. many times throughout the entire journal

that's all but I may do similar posts with some other stuff I can find online from my past bc I need to psychoanalyze myself and search for every little sign that something was Wrong that I didn't notice at the time. the internet being forever is a good thing for me rn because I threw out every single physical journal I had which makes me so sad bc I would've lovedddd to read my old cringey journals, not just to search for trauma signs but also for entertainment purposes </3

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chocodollxren · 2 years

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Hiiii,i saw that requests were open so i requested smth:)

May i request Vil's little brother with Leona(if it's okay with you, reader is vry introverted/shy and stutters a lot) . Vil is really harsh on reader since he hasn't been taking care of his appearance, and has been saying some hurtful stuff to him(causing reader to feel insecure). Leona noticed reader being more timid than usual and asked what's wrong, while reader just brushed it off. On one day Vil went overboard and reader kinda said some things back at Vil. Vil said something along the lines of 'i never wanted you as my brother anyways' The reader ran out of the dorm and went somewhere else. Leona soon found him and offered to take him back to savanaclaw's. Leona comforted and hugged/cuddled(?) the reader, and listened to him

I'm genuinely sorry if my request broke any of the rules for requesting, or/and if this request is too much or too complicated. Please take a break if you must. I also enjoy reading you writings and they cheer me up a lot! Take care of yourself. Hope you have a wonderful day/night<3

awww thank you! so glad my works inspiring! hope your day’s amazing! if you don’t mind i will be using them/they! or using ‘sibling’ instead of brother by my brain default, so sorry! this doesn’t break the rules, it’s great that you specified your order! you didn’t write hcs or drabbles so i went for default hc format! if you wanted a drabble i apologize )): since leona’s a third year and you specified little brother im going to go for a younger twin so there isn’t an age gap of 16~20 but instead 18~20.

𓄹 ❥𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦, 𝘏𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘔𝘦❦ 𝘝𝘪𝘭 + 𝘓𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘢 ,,

-> teahouse ,, menu ! order up ” guestlist ! ꒱·˚ ,, #O5.16.22🍵 ˖˚˳⊹ 'ּ໋݊◵

summary: being related to Vil Schoenheit would be a blessing to some, but not to you. constantly compared to your brother as his shadow, pushed to high standards, and unable to feel confident in your own body you reach your breaking point. luckily for you, however, a certain lion helps you. tw: verbal argumentation, slight body negativity, body insecurity, panic attack, gn!reader,

❁ཻུ۪۪ ━ ❝ BROTHER!VIL + LEONA. ❞

“you’re related to Vil, right? could you give this to him for me?” a classmate of your’s bowed politely with a happy expression before pushing something towards you without asking you and leaving. that makes it the third time that day, you thought. the only thing people saw you as was a tool to communicate with him, nothing more. you were not your brother in terms of looks, popularity, or smarts. he was the house warden, a master of poison, an actor, beautiful, you were a mere shadow of him and someone people spared no glance at even if you were identical.

sighing subtly, you placed the gift into your bag. Vil would surely scoff at you later for it when you give it to him, he didn’t really like people who wouldn’t give something to him directly. you would have to hear him complain about how people are too rude to look him in the eye and give him something. at least they’re giving him something. at least they admired him. at least they saw something in him, you thought. but it was only a thought, something which would pass in awhile and return later when the cycle repeated.

“for the third time, what’s wrong with you?” you felt a harsh tug on your wrist, sure to leave a bruise. spinning on your heel you turn face to face with the man your brother had told you to stay away from and hated, Leona Kingscholar. although he wasn’t your first choice of a companion, he felt different. he likely didn’t know how you felt, but you felt close to him in spirit after learning he was a second prince who would never hold the title of king. you knew it was selfish, but at least one person out there was like you, and that was motivation enough to keep treading through another day.

shaking your head, you politely smile trying to back off. “it’s nothing, Leona. im sorry but i have to get…” before you could finish, Vil was around there going to pick you up. you two had a special shoot for Vil doing an issue with his twin, he needed everything to be perfect and you were not to be a single second late. as soon as he saw you, he scoffed. what was this man doing with you? you have much better things to do than waste your time, you can practically read what his eyes were screaming. “Would you mind letting go of them, Kingscholar?” Vil hissed while still trying to keep his cool. you were going to be late at this point.

although the prince tried to retort, you apologized to him and quickly wiggled free from his grasp as Vil begun tugging at your hand, earning a small yelp. you hoped no one heard as you were dragged down the school corridors, to the mirror room with permission to go to the photoshoot. “stand up straight,” Vil commanded, his arm hitting your back so you’d jolt upright. “smile, you look annoyed,” he continued, perhaps that was because you were, but he never once stopped to consider your opinion or check if you’re okay. it’s always been like this anyways, so why speak up now? “did you gain weight? i told you not to eat anything greasy!” he yelled at you as he fixed your shirt, tucking in the edges and looking at your body. you’d always been like this, so why was he complaining now instead of stopping you and helping you?

“turn,” “smile,” “upright,” “to the left,” “you look stupid don’t do that,” “no, the other way,” “stop! another one,” “you make me look ugly switch sides with me,” “your makeups horrible,” “could you try to look happy for me? you can’t be so selfish and put no effort into yourself,” complaint. complaint. complaint. you swore you were numb. you had done everything since childhood to please him and live up to his expectations, so why? why was he still so ungrateful to you, why has he never once thanked you, apologized, called you too enough? you were always below expectations no matter what, just why were you trying to please a selfish man who would never be grateful? clenching your fist you took a deep breath and sucked it up until the shoot was done. you’d forgive him tomorrow, anyways. you always would. he’s your brother, after all. “I wish you were never my brother.” you heard him mutter while getting out of the car. you’d arrived back at nrc through car, and after blocking him out the entire ride you finally heard him say something.

you tried. was that not rewarding? eighteen years of desperation to live up to him and what he craves and you were now the aggressor? you ended up making him so angry by not being able to achieve perfection like him that he just doesn’t want you to be his sibling? you were something replaceable to him, then. an object or prop for his show and listen to his rant. “have you ever asked me my opinion, what i like? do you even know my hobbies? do you know my club? do you know my friends? do you know any single thing about me that doesn’t involve you, Vil? because i can clearly name everything about you, and what i hate about you. i hate how selfish you are, i hate how you compare me, i hate how you stare at me as though i’m an object beneath you. do you even see me as your family?” what started off as a whisper became choked sobs of anger and resentment which built over years, the thoughts which passed and lingered into the crevice of your heart exploded like a dam ready to cause a tsunami, you continued to shout and scream your piled up frustration of everything he’s done to you and leave him there stunned, running away as fast as you can.

although you raged like a tsunami, you were now running thin and had to deal with the aftermath of what happened. you screamed and raged and left him there frozen, you would likely never be able to look at him again without guilt. but why were you guilty? he treated you like that! unable to understand anything you ran until you couldn’t anymore. falling on your face, you try to get but can’t gather strength. wet and hot tears continue to gather as your nose stung as heavy as your heart by his words and your actions. you felt like a clown, why couldn’t everything between the two of you be normal? hiccuping, you tried to stop but couldn’t. your choked sobs became louder and enveloped your mind in pure frustration when suddenly… “herbivore?”

a rememberable voice, the only person you thought you related to. thought. unlike him, you weren’t strong enough to ignore others and finally broke down. sure he overblotted, but he never cried and accepted his fate, you however acted like a spoiled child. you could barely hear his footsteps over your rapid breathing, along with hiccups. he was shocked to say the least at how you were, but as soon as he knelt and you heard Vil’s voice shouting your name, you froze instinctively. your body shook harder, you couldn’t speak and your throat felt on fire. you were ashamed, scared, and didn’t want to return. you didn’t want to go back to Pomefiore or Vil. you wish you didn’t exist, but nothing came out of your throat, you were alone with your thoughts.

Leona was no idiot. he knew you were controlled by your brother and saw how people used you. he approached you from the start because he knew you were like him. he wanted to see you ditch the pompous queen, but he didn’t want to see you in anguish and crying over someone who wasn’t worth it in the slightest. “I’m taking you to Savanaclaw,” he said, throwing his jacket over you and slinging you over his shoulder. as soon as he saw no one else was there, he walked to the mirror chamber and took you back, you couldn’t protest even if you wanted to. “if you’re going to cry, cry over my generosity rather than that idiot.” he growled, not anger directed to you but towards your brother.

“im sorry,” you finally hiccuped. you managed that single sentence as he felt a headache. taking you to his room, he ignored his students as he threw you on the bed and sat on it. “what did he say?” he asked, trying to stay calm for you. raising his voice would only scare you into crying harder. you whimpered a small huh? unsure whether you heard him correctly. you weren’t used to anyone asking you if you were okay, you nearly expected him to do the same. no one had ever looked at you with such sincerity.

“nothing,” you tried to deny but he gently pried and denied your protests. through a final choked sob you exploded. you told him everything before crying even harder, snot dripping, him panicked, trying to pat your back, you couldn’t open your eyes and their became swollen and puffy, you couldn’t deny it felt good, even saying things you didn’t mean. you felt like you wanted to disappear and you told him that, you felt insignificant, and how much you appreciated that even a single person in your life had been there for you. even if he didn’t see you as human, even if he thought of you beneath him, you just needed someone to listen once. that’s all you ever want. a person to justify your existence.

clinging onto him, you begged him not to let go. at least for once, let you be as selfish as your brother. at least for once, let you hold onto something that wasn’t Vil’s. for once, just please, please let you feel human and loved. with a heavy heart, he hugged back until you fell asleep, stroking your back and hair. he enjoyed it, but he swore in the morning he was going to kick Vil’s arse and get you a transfer into Savanaclaw even if he had to hit Crowley for that transferal for your sake.

✎ ˎˊ- "chocodollxren" [choco - doll - rhen] ˖˚˳⊹ 'ּ໋݊◵ dn repost. likes/comments/reblogs appreciated; not required. so long as you enjoyed the content.

thank you for reading! hope this was good (((: still trying to work on my angst! hopefully this doesn’t disappoint you and hopefully you don’t mind me changing the few things and doing it as headcanons! there’s leech twins, an epel, jamil, a savanaclaw+pomefiore, and a rook + leona on the list. requests prioritized until May 23rd, so opened until then so my event can happen!

#twst wonderland #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland hcs #twisted wonderland headcanons #twst headcanons #twst wonderland hcs #twst wonderland headcanons #disney twisted wonderland #twst vil schoenheit #twisted wonderland vil #twst leona kingscholar #twisted wonderland leona

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taegularities · 3 months

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Hey bubs!!! How are you doing?🥹

Celebrating my 5 months unemployed ass today. Happy monthsary to myself🥰🥰🥰. More seriously I am in the verge of breaking down actually I am already. Getting a Master Degree and yet not finding anything cause all of them said « very good profil but unfortunately lack of experience blablabla » like duh if you don’t give me a chance how do I get experience huh. I AM GOING CRAZY HERE.

Also I am feeling lonely af. And want to be loved so much too, to give and to receive. Saw your deleted post earlier. Tried dating app but guess what? Deleted it right after I donwload it. As you know I have comitment issues too, think I am not ready for that. Genuine question tho, where do you guys find nice and sweet guys? I still believe that I will have a YN moment in this world…

Oh and why do I feel that everytime I slide to your inbox I am always complaining? I really need to be fixed and change that.

A year ago : kookoo first weverse live after 2 full months being mia. Was on my way back from ytc screening in theater that day. Miss him a lot lately </3

Okay from now on I will only spread positive vibes in your inbox!!!!!!!! Hugs ans kisses 🤎 oh and can’t wait to listen to your cmi audio commentary <3

hi, beloved!!! i'm doing okay! i'm off work for a weeeekkk after tmrw + the uni semester's finally over (kinda bummed i didn't get the A in one of my classes but the others got C's, so.. i'm happy about that B :')). so i'm looking forward to relaxing lol :')

i'm so sorry for what you've been dealing with, though :(( that whole cycle of hell is a true mystery... they need employees but experience, too 😦 i'm crossing my fingers and manifesting that you land a job soon, though, babe!! please keep trying, bc it'll be worth the effort [gonna be the first to celebrate with you. i better be >:)]

and i know :(( it can get lonely for sure. i was a bit overwhelmed this morning, so i kinda vented a lil jejdjdhsh but yeah, love isn't easy to tackle and find. and i think we shouldn't look for it anyway!! i always "preach" lol that the best things come to you when you go with the flow and don't seek them too desperately.. so let's hope for that y/n moment to arrive as a surprise and when we least expect it, and just heal and vibe in the meantime. for now, you have my love, if it means anything 🤍

it's okay!! honestly, you can talk about whatever, whenever :') i'm just happy to hear from you. besides, it shows that you trust me and feel comfortable sharing your thoughts, and that's a top tier compliment. always gonna inhale your positive vibes, too, though 🥰 (also, will you believe i shed an actual freaking tear when i saw that pic like i miss my sleepyhead bunny baby so much it hurts 😭 GIVE HIM BACK TO ME)

#but honestly tho to those who have found love.. i wish y'all the absolute best fr #and agghhh i saw your submission for the commentary 🥺 tysm and i can't wait to record it 🤍#notes for rid 🌹#axelle <3

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angelic-brutality · 2 years

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HEY BESTIE CAN I REQUEST HCS OF HANMA WITH AN S/O WHO'S TOUCH STARVED ?? :D like it's only been days since they last met and they just miss hanma so much they start calling him and start complaining about how much they miss hanma along with his touch ? <3

KDISOUDWKDJSL THIS IS MY FIRST FIC REQUEST YOU CAN'T IMAGINE HOW HAPPY I AM

actually i usually love writing requets but no one gives me them sooo

ok ok i just loved that plot, so hanma x touch starved neutral reader ! i really hope this is good

i'm not actually touch starved so i'm really really sorry if anything here doesn't make sense, y'all can correct me

i'm brazilian so pls don't mind any grammatical errors, and also this is short cause i struggle a lot writing long fics

you woke up in the 3rd time this night, and you expected to wake up more before the sun appeared and you feel forced to get up today, it was kinda hard sleeping without hugging an actual person when you got so used to sleep hugging hanma - aka your boyfriend. he was in a trip in another city and unhappily you weren't invited to it, so now you had to hug your pillow trying to think it's him, because of that motherfucker that could just call you until he's back, but no, he even decided to answer your texts with just a phrase or two (when it wasn't just a few words).

oh, you were overreacting. of course you were.

he was probably just busy there, and he don't need to answer your texts if he don't want to, he's a human being with choices!

but sometimes these choices hurted without him knowing because obviously you didn't even talked about it

but to check, you picked your phone (poutting because of the light) and saw a few conversations you had with him since the day he moved, but you were not waiting him to text you that moment

"what are u doing up this late? i see you online"

"nothing really important" you thought for a moment and then decided that it was actually important, you two were in a relationship and if you just don't say the things that bother you, he wouldn't guees, he's not a fortune teller. so you thought again and started calling him; he picked up in some seconds

"hey, missed your face" he said with a small smile, it was clear that he was sleepy "i missed yours too. actually i miss you in everything." you responded, laying in you bed in a more confortable position "really? i'm on this trip it's only 3 days" "yeah but it's hard to sleep without you on my side, you made me unaccustomed" "ooh sorry for this, i should've gave you a shirt with my perfume to you to sleep with it in your pillow like the stalker you are" he said, now his smile was bigger and he started to talk in a goofy tone "look who's saying, can you answer me who accidentaly liked a photo of mine from almost 2 years ago?" you said laughing, remembering the 'accident' "c'mon, you looked really cute there!"

and the call proceeded 'till you both didn't have any subject in mind

"hey" you started and saw hanma looking at you through the phone "i actually miss you, doesn't matter if you mock me for this" hanma grew a genuine smile on his face "i miss you, especially your touch"

"i promise that when we meet again i'm gonna hug you really really tight, until you feel better"

and then the call proceeded for some minutes, until you actually feel very sleepy. the calls actually happened everyday until he came home, and he kept him 'promise'

heyo what do y'all think of this

i actually didn't liked it that much, i juts wrote what came in mind ((what is usually what i do, but this one was kinda hard when i don't feel what the 'reader' is actually feeling,,,,))

but comments and reblogs are aprecciated!! (*cof* *cof* especially comments *COF* *COF*)

taglist- @rome-alone (k i have just one person in my taglist what are you gonna do)

#tokyorev x reader #hanma x reader #hanma shuji x reader #hanma fluff #tr fluff #tr x reader #tr x you #tokyo revengers x you #!!.polle writes

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muninnhuginn · 5 months

Text

Thanks for the tag @pinkie-satan!

-last song: 0 - LMYK (English version)

-song stuck in head: 勇者/Yuusha/Hero - yoasobi (it's the frieren op)

-fav colors: purples, especially when they're down the blue end.

-currently watching: ah okay. so. I'm watching anime seasonals this time for some reason? Kinda surprised I'm keeping up with them as well as I am honestly. so anime-wise: frieren, spy x family s2, my new boss is goofy, deranged detective, tearmoon, I'm in love with the villainess. kdrama: move to heaven (I am genuinely enjoying it but there aren't many episodes so I think I keep delaying to make it last longer). don't think there's anything else I'm forgetting rn (but there probably is). I have a few other shows I want to check out like scavengers reign but probably when I'm less overloaded with my current lot.

-currently reading: does it count if I technically read it all yesterday? uh, ima say yes because I was probably sleep-deprived and so may give it a reread when I'm less so. latest murderbot book: system collapse. really good. there were a couple of parts I wish had been pushed further but overall it was exactly what I wanted out of a murderbot book so I can't complain (for context: murderbot is sci-fi and a mix of hurt/comfort, comedy, and intense relatability courtesy of the main character). other than that, it's mainly dungeon meshi. finished up volume 1 earlier today after getting distracted for ages and the fake biology aspects are so fun. (also have ongoing stuff in terms of manga and fics but I'll spare the details of those as there're a lot)

-currently craving: hot chocolate (brb)

-last movie: the marvels. was kinda disjointed but I was expecting it to be a lot worse than it actually was given the reception to it. also I know cats are probably expensive to deal with on film sets but did they really have to cg them to that extent? pls. I want real cattos. real alien cattos. whatever

-sweet, spicy or savory: usually sweet but occasionally spice

-relationship status: single, which personally I'm happy with, but people can be weird about it sometimes.

-current obsession: still in my link click era, trying to resist getting back into murderbot or nirvana in fire or stranger/secret forest.

-three fav foods: hmm, bolognese, gyoza, fior di latte gelato

-last thing googled: showings for anatomy of a fall. (unfortunately there aren't many which is a shame. I'd like to watch it but not really planning to go out of my way for it)

-dream trip: going to be boring and say the same here but japan fr. I'd want to actually have a vague sense of the language before even considering it though because what I have rn is just an assortment of words vaguely to do with murder mysteries

-anything you want right now: my original answer to this was depressing so I'm just gonna say the motivation to actually sort out a new laptop because rn I'm probably going to beat out my record for how long it took me to transfer over to my new phone after getting it (around a month iirc). I haven't even started figuring out what I want to prioritise in terms of specs or how much money I'm willing to spend and it's so much easier to do this kind of thing *on* a laptop (that isn't broken :V)

Tagging in anyone who wants to join in. I know especially I have some newish mutuals/followers and I'm not great at interacting directly but feel free to have a go ^^

#pinkie-satan #ask meme

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notagoldfish · 10 months

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Ooh that's so nice of you!! I hope you don't mind if I complain about something that's actually my fault, but I think I need a virtual hug (which I'm returning of course 🤗). The worst thing the S3 finale did to me (even if it's my fault because I let it happen) is that it made me stop shipping Tedependent and I didn't want to!!! I truly didn't want to!!! It's not the fact that Ted left, it's the way Ted talked to Trent, and logically, rationally, my brain knows Ted was depressed and sad and hurting, but all the same, my heart suddenly was not into Tedependent anymore and I actually suffer because of it!! It's so unfair!!! That ship was in my mind almost 24/7, I loved them with all my heart, I thought it would last, and now nothing!!! And I know it's my fault for letting it happen, but it's still so sad and I'm mourning over it, so I thought to take advantage of you offering free hugs :)

Thank you ❤︎

I hope you have a lovely day/night!

Oof! I'm so sorry! I'm giving you a virtual hug and Higgins with puppies!

On my salty Ted Lasso sideblog, it's always season 3's fault!

They brought Trent in and gave him next to nothing. When he was there and genuinely able to participate in the plot, it was spectacular. I kinda ship Roy/Trent now after that scene in the showers. (And hats off to the few writers holding down that fort on AO3, y'all are so important.) The scene with Colin when they talked at the memorial was beautiful. James Lance is an incredible actor who connects to his scene partner very naturally.

But he and Ted barely interacted this season. And, believe me, I had no delusions that Tedependent was ever going to be canon, but I had hoped to address Trent's feelings for Ted in some way because the first two seasons (and now we know for sure James Lance, bless him) built up that something there, and it would have been interesting to see Trent coming to terms with it while interacting regularly with Ted, even if Ted wasn't aware of what was happening. But it almost seemed like they were trying to walk it back this season.

And the whole thing with Trent being excited about the book and Ted calling him the "laugh police" left a sour taste in my mouth. It was mean, and it was kind of an unexpected gut punch as an autistic who gets like that about stuff a lot. Overall, the way Ted was so cold and distant in the last episode was bad storytelling to me. I won't go into the whole thing again, but I talked before about the lack of catharsis in the finale that led a lot of people (me, I'm a lot of people) to interpret the end as unsettling at best.

FWIW, I don't think it's your fault anyway. I can only speak to my own fandom experience, but I don't really have control over my shipping or what prompts me to read or write fanfic or if I want my fanon to align with my canon or be a separate entity or any of that stuff. I find it's best to just let my feral fandom instincts guide me.

I hope this was in some way helpful, and if not, scroll up! There's Higgins with puppies! Thanks so much for your ask, anon!

#ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #ted lasso critical #ted lasso season 3 #ted lasso finale #tedependent #tedtrent #roy x trent #trent crimm #leslie higgins #ask box #anon ask

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lex-n-weegie · 8 months

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Elaborating more on thoughts relating to this post on a separate post so I don't take away from OP's points. There's a chance that none of this will make sense, or perhaps I'll come off as hurtful, and if either case happens please please please DM me or reply to this. Genuinely, I want to be a good person, don't be scared to approach. I'm just 18, I'm not gonna chew you out for anything

All of it is going under the cut because really, I'm just rambling and putting random thoughts together. Some swears, negativity, all that kinda junk, and I know it'll be long(also rbs are turned off because I do not want to deal with drama, college starts in a week)

I've never gotten any hate from the community for anything, I'll be upfront on that. I've only gotten 1 hateful ask in my entire time having this blog and the previous one I accidentally deleted. Irl is a slightly different story, but that isn't important to this. The worst I could even tell you specifically relating to the selfship community is not getting a lot of engagement on my posts, not getting asks when I rb ask games, and sometimes the occasional blocked out of nowhere by someone I believed I was friendly with.

I hope I've been nice in this community as well, I've been doing my best to be welcoming, open, and kind to anyone I come across. I also try my best to not complain about certain things(like lack of engagement), or even venting about irl stuff. Sure this is my blog, I can post whatever the hell I want, and to some extent I do, but I also try to have this place be one of comfort and recluse from the world. That what selfshipping was for me when I was younger, and it still kind of is, so I want others to to have that as well.

Admittedly, it's why I don't talk about real life issues often if at all. People can criticize me for that, but honestly I don't think it's fully necessary for me specifically to do so. I don't have enough followers to where me speaking about things would do much. Everyone who follows me would know about them already, and I would just be stating something that should be obvious to anyone who knows me even surface level(like killing trans/queer folk for being themselves is horrible, women should have control over their own bodies, black/poc people are equal to white people, etc etc). Genuinely, logically, I don't see any instance where I actually need to bring it up.

Also also, while yes, I'm lucky that I haven't gotten any hate, I do know people who were chased off of their own platforms because of the characters they liked, or even because they didn't know EVERYTHING about something. Their own f/o's creators or source material, an acquaintance/friend's f/os, or whatever else there is. I know of a person who was forced out with fire and pitchforks because they specifically liked a different version of a character, one where they weren't bad or anything. But because of the similar name garbage, people believed they liked an undead man who happily and openly murdered people and chased them out.

And honestly? The community has such double standards and is sometimes super online. I know I know, I'm a terminally online person too, I'm a hypocrite, but I still try to bind myself to reality and realize when some issues are, in all honesty, fucking stupid. You know how many people I've seen selfship with murderers? Not just "oh they're so misunderstood 🥺" characters either, I've seen Chucky(both human and doll), I've seen Jason, a bunch of different characters who openly enjoy murdering, who manipulate and torture, and almost none of them are openly hated or chased out with the same hatred and anger I've seen others get treated with. It's because it's not wrong. If it's not a real murderer and the person doesn't want/fantasize about doing that irl(basically bad mental issues), who cares? Genuinely, what's the issue? None, because most people don't have a problem at all with it unless it's a specific character they don't like much apparently.

As well as this, people are expected to know so much in this community. The dos and don'ts, who's right and who's wrong, what traits make a character wrong to selfship with, and the smallest mistake or unknown information can get their head on a stick. Ik a kind of big situation happen a few years back that's similar to what I'm talking about, but it's not the only thing I've citing. This has happened before, it's not a one time occurrence. Oh, you didn't know that this person you follow has an f/o who's some kind of abhorrent person? Well, to the shredder with you then. Oh, this person has an f/o who was once a bad person but has since grown and is doing good now in their source material? Well, you and the majority only know them as a villain, so go scream at them for liking such horrible things.

I'm not saying everyone is like this ofc, I'm not thinking that "oh the whole selfship community is bad I'm the only good one here. :(((" It's just that either a majority or perhaps a very loud and active part of the community are, and it sucks. The double standers suck, the demands lots have are so much, sometimes it could feel like more of a hassle than anything.

And I'll admit, I think most of it comes from the fact of what selfshipping IS. It's a form of selflove and everything, but it can go to far. "Too much of a good thing isn't a good thing for anyone." Too much confidence can make you an asshat, too much kindness can make you a doormat, too much of a specific profession or environment can make you jaded, and too much selflove can make you selfish and narcissistic. It's a safe space away from things, yes, but when you demand others do what YOU want because it'll make you more comfortable, it's just a whole mess. You need to block the tags, you need to block the people you don't like(you don't even need a good reason, blocking is free), it's up to you to curate your online experience. Like someone's art but hate a specific ship? Block the tag and keywords. This one Selfshipper annoys you and nothing else? Block them. Stop vagueposting and being so negative. You can say you're sad because you saw someone else shipping with your main, but don't name drop or be so specific that someone could figure out who.

I'll admit, the last bit comes from my own annoyances and experience. I stopped talking or joining any selfship servers because I had negative experiences. One situation specifically had someone upset that I shared an f/o with them that they were uncomfy sharing. I told them I don't talk about them often, and anytime I do I'll spoil it and have a warning. But it wasn't good enough for them apparently because they'd "click it and see/read it anyway." When they then went on to vent about it for more than a full day in the server's vent chat, it really felt like they wanted me out so they could be comfortable, all because they couldn't control themselves.

I'm sorry to be so mean, but sometimes you gotta man up. It's okay to not want to share, your f/os truly loves you, but it doesn't mean you're allowed to make demands out of others. You can ask for a tag to block, or a warning so you don't have to see, but that's all you can do.

I think that's it, sorry for all the emotion. As I kept writing I kept wanting to say more. I hope it makes some sort of sense lol

#lexi rambles

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