#i know i am an overachiever and have always been but i really want this installment to go out with a bang and everyday i am adding

[welcometomyoasis]

Seventeen with an s/o who is book smart but not street smart

Synopsis: What seventeen would be like with an academically overachieving, book smart s/o who is not the most street smart person in the world.  Svt x academic overachiever gn! reader | fluff, comfort | 1.78k words | warnings: lack of sleep, neglect of self-care, stress, food, minor injury, bullies, robbery | requested by anon and @nonononranghaee A/n: i feel like this is literally me… idk if this is good because i didn’t really know how to write this well… also yes i am aware jun's face is cut off in the photo but i'm too lazy to change the image rn...

Preamble: When your boyfriend first met you, he was taken in by your determination and your drive to succeed academically. He admired that about you. Your voice held so much conviction when you spoke about what you wanted to achieve in your chosen field. You had high aspirations and you told him straight up that you would stop at nothing to make your dreams come true. You would always be busy. You took extra classes, did extra research, and worked incredibly hard on all your assignments. You would pour over all your research for hours on end to make sure you had done everything perfectly. No detail would be overlooked. Your efforts always allowed you to have an edge over others, and you excelled. Your boyfriend was so proud of you for always pushing yourself to make sure your dreams came true. The only thing is, as time goes on, he starts to realise that your efforts and ability to excel academically came at a cost… 

✎ᝰ How are you still alive? 

Seungcheol, Joshua, Wonwoo, Dokyeom, Mingyu

𖠋 No offense to you, but uhm this is how you’ve been surviving? He’s actually in shock. Let’s start with the fact that your working environment is a mess. Papers and books are scattered all over your desk, there’s a million cups lying around with each one being filled with different types of caffeinated drinks. There’s snack wrappers everywhere. You haven’t eaten a proper meal in forever, and you’re running on 2 hours of sleep. 

𖠋 Then there’s the fact that you lack situational awareness. You’re often engrossed in pouring over your notes when you’re walking which means that there is more than once when you’ve bumped into other people/ things/ walls because you don’t notice what is in front of you. You have bruises and bandages littered on your fingers because you’re constantly dropping books and hot beverages on yourself. There’s been multiple occasions when your wallet or your phone has “gone missing” because you’re too busy looking at your work and you forget to keep your valuables that were left on the table. And if you do encounter unknown situations if you’ve gotten lost, you freeze not knowing what to do (like if your car breaks down or you’ve gotten lost).

𖠋 So, his question is just how are you still alive? You’re academically successful, and you can recite all the theories you need to know in your chosen field. But at what cost? Your health? Your safety? Your wellbeing? He’ll definitely need to teach you to be more aware of your surroundings. Like look up when you’re walking, be mindful of the people around you. If you get lost, look at a map or call him. In the meantime, he’ll have to be extra careful and take on the role of being your protector. He’ll make sure you don’t bump into anything, and he’ll scare off anyone who wants to take your things. 

𖠋 Besides that, his first priority is your wellbeing. He will pry you away from your desk and lock you out of the room while he helps you to clear up the litter from your desk. He’ll force you to take a break by bringing you out or forcing you to rest with him. He’ll also make sure that you’re well fed with food that he has cooked/ ordered. You need to be able to have a wholesome, warm meal instead of surviving off snacks. Of course, he’s also making sure that you’re going to rest so he’ll tuck you next to him either on the bed or at the couch for a nap or just a cuddle session. It’s to give your mind and body a break. 

𖠋 While he can’t help you with your work, you can be sure that he’ll take care of you and ensure your safety. Just please! Be more mindful of your surroundings… he’s had so many scares because of the number of walls you’ve almost walked into. 

✎ᝰ Why are you like this… 

Jeonghan, Junhui, Minghao, Seungkwan

𖠋 He’s just in disbelief. Sorry did you trade your common sense for being academically smart? Just how, and why are you so muddle headed? How can you be so smart, and yet so dumb (for lack of a better word)? He’s seen you read thick academic books about all sorts of theories in a day, but you can’t read a map? You can’t even find your way properly despite there being signs all around you? He’s seen you find a small minor flaw in someone’s research that could upset their whole argument, but you can’t find you keys? You have a key holder by the door, why have you misplaced your keys again? Also, did you just ask him if you should bring a jacket to the library even though you know you get cold whenever you go there? He’s just speechless. But this problem of your muddle headedness is easy enough to manage and resolve. 

𖠋 The bigger problem is that you’re too naive. You trust others too easily and are often taken advantage of. People in your course know how smart you are, and they want to know what you know. They see getting close to you and asking you about your research/ the previous days’ lectures, as a shortcut to getting an A in class. Because you’re more than happy to share, thinking of it as a way to gain new insights, you’re usually so open to sharing your notes with them. It’s just that they often don’t reciprocate your kindness and they make copies of your notes to be their study guide. During group work, everyone wants to be in your group, and you’re usually left doing all the work because you need it to be perfect. Regardless of how stressed you are, or how little work everyone else has done, you’ll take the extra effort to perfect your project. In the end, others who took advantage of you get their As at the expense of your wellbeing and effort. When your boyfriend sees this, he can’t stand it. 

𖠋 He teaches you that you can’t always be kind to them. Even though academics is about teamwork and collaboration, it is also competition. You don’t always have to share your work with others. Keep the good parts of your research to yourself. And when it comes to group work, everyone should do their fair share. Why should you have to put in the extra effort just to pull up the other weaklings in the group. He starts to keep a closer eye on you when you do your work. When you start to get too engrossed, he’ll break you out of that by giving you tea or snacks. He’ll make sure you take frequent breaks, and he’ll make sure that your research stays yours. He’s intuitive and because you usually tell him everything about your work, he will know if someone tries to take advantage of your work. In those situations, he’ll caution you to be careful, and to not let them get their way. But if they are too pushy and you find yourself in a bit of a pickle not being able to say no, he’ll step in. Whoever tries to take advantage of your intellect and work will have hell to pay. 

✎ᝰ You know what? He can’t say anything because he’s exactly like you.

Hoshi, Woozi, Vernon, Dino

𖠋 He sighs in exasperation, but doesn’t feel that he has the right to lecture you because he recognises your need to excel at whatever cost. Whatever you’re doing to succeed, the all nighters, the caffeine intake, the need to push yourself physically to complete whatever it is you’re working on, he’s done all that before. He recognises the bags that exist under your eyes, and it’s the same ones that appear under his eyes when he’s working on something. It’s a mark of your efforts, and the mark that you’re pushing yourself too far and too hard. He definitely feels bad, he doesn’t like seeing you so stressed and running on so little sleep. He feels helpless. He can’t help you to ease the burden you’ve placed on yourself, and he knows there’s no way of breaking you out of this self-destructive cycle until you’ve decided that you’ve done enough. Is this how the rest of his members/ family feels when they see him pushing himself? 

𖠋 He also admits that it is like you both lack common sense sometimes despite you both excelling in your chosen fields. Things that should come naturally to you don’t. If you feel unwell, you should rest, but no, you think it’s just one of those phases when you’ve hit a roadblock in your work and you continue to push on. If it’s raining, you should bring an umbrella, but no, you both usually decide to just hug your bag to yourself and run in the rain. If there is a puddle avoid it?? But no, you usually don’t even look where you’re going because your mind is racing from everything you need to do and you end up with wet shoes and socks. 

𖠋 You both end up laughing and bonding over your shared experiences. Still, because you both admit that this type of behaviour is self-destructive, you make an agreement to constantly keep an eye out for one another. Walks in the park, going out for dates, it’s all pre-arranged as a way to get both of you out from the house/ office. You both constantly remind each other that if you are unwell and stressed, there’s no way that you’ll be able to do anything because your body is fighting against being pushed too far. You both have to remember that it is better for you to take frequent breaks rather than to be out of commission for a long time because your mind and body have crashed. Only then will you both be able to do your best at all times. There’s also no rush since you’ve been putting in so much effort until this point. There’s nothing wrong with being kind to yourselves and taking a little break. You both do feel like broken records sometimes, but it’s necessary to make sure that you both don’t push yourselves too far. 

taglist: @weird-bookworm @wonijinjin @babyleostuff @wishing-fieshes @kwanienies @mayashu @megseungmin @porridgesblog @haecien @mirxzii @scoupsofcherries @eightlightstar @brownsugarbaybee @zaggprincess2 @nonononranghaee @hrts4hanniehae @treehouse-mouse

#caratsland #k-labels #illuminated ocean.net #seventeen scenarios #seventeen fanfic #seventeen imagines #seventeen fluff #seventeen x reader #seventeen headcanons #seungcheol x reader #seungcheol fluff #jeonghan x reader #joshua hong x reader #junhui x reader #hoshi x reader #wonwoo x reader #wonwoo fluff #woozi x reader #dokyeom x reader #minghao x reader #mingyu x reader #mingyu fluff #seungkwan x reader #vernon x reader #dino x reader #shu's archive ✎ᝰ.

[aakeysmash]

Roommate or boss?

part 2, part 3, part 4

Pairing: f!reader x Katsuki Bakugou.

Warnings: none, really. AND THEY WERE POSSIBLE ROOMMATES, MAYBE?

Context: 3k words. Reader is a barista and she only meets Bakugo at the end of this </3. He’s her boss but she doesn’t know. I don’t delve into this tho, just so you know. They’re both 22.

A/N: never thought I’d write a slow burn but I HATE not giving context. This is just me yapping with zero grammar context whatsoever. The reader is super oc in this one, but all the girl names I thought about were UGLY. Let me know what you think about it!

“No.”

“Come onnnn it’s gonna be just this one time” pleads your best friend from the other end of the phone.

“Ochaco, you know I hate when you pull this shit” you reply, while putting your jacket on.

“I knowww, but listen, me and the cute guy have had NO time for ourselves lately and-“

“And you’re leaving me doing this assignment with who knows who? We’re always partners for physics, you know I can’t do it all alone and you can’t phrase your deductions to save your life. We complete each other. You’re my soulmate. Why are you leaving me for a guy?” you whine, while closing the door of your apartment and walking towards your car.

“It’s gonna be just this one time, I promise! It’s not like we’re gonna fail. I think. I hope…” she mumbles.

You sigh. “If we do fail, you’re getting your ass beaten, I am so for real” you concede after thinking about it. You start your car and put your phone on speaker.

“BABEEE I love youuuu! You know you’re the only one for me! I promise to finally tell you all the details on Saturday” she squeals.

You wince. “Nah, I can’t this Saturday. I have to work, manager is on vacay. Maybe Sunday?” you said, knowing she will start rambling.

“Y/N just leave that place, they don’t even value you as a person, let alone as a worker. Plus, your manager is a bitch” Ochaco says sternly. “I still haven’t got over the fact she makes you work double shifts just because she wants to be in Bali with her new stupid tomboy. Who, by the way, cheats on her. You said so yourself, and I heard him and your colleague going at it that one time I came to visit you last week -not Momo, bless her heart, how is she by the way?- oh and he steals her money. And-“

“I need the money, and I do love to make coffees for the nice old ladies that tip me” you interrupt your more-than-protective best friend, knowing that she could go on complaining for hours if you didn’t stop her. “Also, I just got to the cafe and I’m already running late. I’ll text you when I get off, okay? Love you”.

“Yeah yeah. Don’t overwork yourself too much, love you” and you hang up.

You and Ochaco have been friends since you were babies. Your parents were neighbours back in your hometown, and your moms coincidentally got pregnant in a span of 2 months apart from each other. You have been attached to the hip all of your school years, and fortunately you have been accepted at the same campus at university. You moved to different apartments because you wanted to be independent, but you are still living pretty near each other. You are enrolled in literature, while Ochaco has a passion for astronomy; you had chosen physics as a bonus class for some extra credits since Ochaco said it would be easy and you trusted her, but she didn’t take into consideration that you failed math throughout all of high school, and she had to save your ass multiple times in the past. You’ll never forget her face when she got an 86% on one of the graded tests she did for you: she was so disappointed she made you ask the professor to redo the test, which you barely knew the basics of. She got 100%, and the professor congratulated you (her) for being such an overachiever. You never felt more ashamed of yourself and proud of your best friend at the same time. On the other hand, she made you do her English essays on a monthly basis, so she really wasn’t in the place to complain about doing all the dirty work for you.

You had partnered up with her since she was a genius, but she met this “cute guy” a month ago and was head over heels for him. She still hasn’t said his name to you, all you know is that he is a part of the physics course and he apparently just stole your assignment partner.

You sigh inwardly. Sometimes you wished love could come to you as easily as it comes to Ochaco. She is a lover girl at heart, nicer than anybody could ever hope to be, but she sure could bite if she had to. She has been there for some of the worst moments of your life, and you have done the same for her. You really didn’t know what you would do without her. Maybe you should get her an apology pastry from the cafe’s leftovers to make up for the last two missed Saturdays (“they’re for the girls!” she said, and you meticulously met up every week up until you had gotten a job).

You’re a bit distracted by thinking about her when you get into the place you work at. It’s a cute cafe, a little bit too orange for your taste, but it’s cozy enough to make work pleasurable. Plus, it’s 5 minutes from your apartment (15 if you walk, but you are lazy). They pay on time, the coffee is good and the clientele isn’t too bad. If it wasn’t for-

“You’re 32 seconds late. You’re getting a formal complaint this time” says your manager, waiting for you with her arms crossed.

“Put that on the note that says I worked 8 extra hours a week for the last 5 months. Hello to you too, weren’t you supposed to be in the Philippines or whatever by now?” you say sickening sweet, with the fakest smile you can muster, while you pass next to her to get to the room behind the register.

“Shut your smart mouth up before I get you fired!” she almost screams. Some of the people at the table near her look at her like she’s crazy before going back to their cappuccino.

“My oh my miss Utsushimi, it’s not nice to use that tone before the rush hour” you reply, giving an apologetic look at your regulars next to her.

“Mpfh, whatever. Close up this place when you’re done, the boss will probably be in to ask you for the keys at the end of your shift. I’ll be MIA for the next two weeks, bye” she says to you. Then she turns around and smiles sweetly at the clients who previously looked at her with distaste and lies “pregnancy hormones I hope, me and my man are trying for a baby, I’m sorry for scaring you!”. You know damn well she had an IUD appointment last week, because she made you work instead of working herself. Fake bitch.

Without saying anything else, she leaves the place.

“I hate her ass so much”, says someone next to you.

You snicker. “Who doesn’t, Momo?” you face her with a genuine smile.

“Never leave me alone with her ever again, you know I can’t survive this place without you, work wifey” she kisses your cheek fast, before going back to making coffee for a client at the register.

“Ochaco will be hearing about this and she’ll slap you” you laugh heartily.

“I love her too, she’s my work wifey’s wifey, so she’s basically my wifey” she winks at you.

After a few more laughs here and there, you both go back to work like usual.

A couple of hours pass and it’s closing time. Momo waves you goodbye, clocking out. “I’m so tired I could sleep on the floor right now” she whines.

“Yeah, how about no. Let’s go, babe. We don’t want to drag Y/N’s time” says her boyfriend, Shoto, who shoots you a nod of acknowledgement before placing a hand on her lower back and escorting her out of the cafe. “I remember suffering at closing times, let’s leave her be and go home” he nudges your colleague, smiling down at her. He has been inside the cafe a lot in the years you’ve worked here, sometimes picking Momo up. Momo says he was one of the best bartenders the cafe ever had, but he found a job that payed him more and he decided to leave. You couldn’t blame him.

“See you soon, you two lovebirds!” you reply, waving a hand of your own.

Now all alone since even the waiters have gone home, you clean up the counter before packing up the pastry for Ochaco.

“Damn, I have to wait for the boss to give him the keys” you remember, rubbing your face.

You wait 45 minutes before a redhead makes his way into the cafe. He seems busy on the phone with someone.

“I’m here, let me just get- fuck no I don’t wanna talk to Camie about it, Baku- no, wait- fire? Are you going to take her place and finally come down here like the boss you are? Yes, I know- what? And where would we- what do I have to do with all of this? No, I’m going home- fuck, he hung up” the man sighs, before turning his body towards you.

“Sorry to have kept you waiting, not really manly from me” he smiles, looking sorry.

“Oh don’t worry about it!” your smile was really stretched, and you think he notices, because he says “sorry” again. “The manager said to give you the keys. So you’re the boss?” you say politely, stretching your hand with the keys towards him.

You’ve seen him multiple times, he’s a regular. He always gets the same order (one black coffee and one hot chocolate with extra cinnamon), and he always tips you and Momo well. Today he seems distressed.

“I wouldn’t wish to be the boss, to be fair. You could say I’m his right hand. Where’s Camie? Boss needs to talk to her in private before next week comes” he sighs.

“She said she’ll be gone for two weeks” you reply, confused.

“And who said she could do that?” Kirishima, you think that’s his name since you’ve written it on his order just yesterday, looks at you in disbelief. You shrug. “I don’t ask. The less I know about her, the better I feel about working here”. You start to pack your things up, before going towards the door with the man following behind you closely.

“This is nuts. I hate doing job interviews” he mumbles fast, turning the key in the lock. You raise an eyebrow, what is he even talking about?

“Do you live near? If not, I could give you a ride. I’d hate losing the only barista who makes boss man’s drink good enough to not make him pissy” he says, while pointing to his car.

You laugh. “It’s just a hot chocolate. Tell him he should try it with a few drops of hot sauce in it. Sounds disgusting but it’s actually pretty good. Also don’t worry, I live just down the street”. He nods and you wave each other goodbye.

“It does sound horrible. Thanks again for waiting, see you tomorrow for the same exact order I always make” he grins, then gets in his car and drives away, not after seeing you get in your car as well.

Once at home you call Ochaco, who’s “been worried sick, you never get home this late”.

“Y/N you seriously need a roommate. Did you even eat?” she reprimands.

You sigh. “I have to meet someone tomorrow. But you know, girls tend to look at you weirdly when you say you need them to know how to cook. They feel like you’re looking for a maid. Like, I can’t eat sandwiches every day like I did with the last roommate I had” you explain while opening your fridge. Sausages and smashed potatoes from yesterday will do the job for today.

“The psycho who thought vegetables made her look weak? Freak” you hear your best friend snicker. “At what time are they coming over?”

You groan and say “8 am. It’s a guy this time. Who wakes up before 8 am at uni? He’s already lost 2 points for this” while gulping down your food.

Ochaco’s snicker is now a full laugh. “People who have their lives together, maybe? But pay attention, males scare me” she replies quieting down.

“Yeah yeah. I’m gonna sleep now, text me the deets for Sunday, okay?” you clean your plate and go to the bathroom to wash your teeth.

“Will doooo. Good night, babe” she smooches on the mic before hanging up.

After making sure you locked your apartment door, you go to your bed, where you manage to fall asleep in thirty seconds.

The next morning you’re brutally awakened by the sound of your doorbell. You look at your phone screen: 7:42 am.

“Who the fuck is it now?” you grumble, before going down the stairs and looking through your peephole.

“Shitty hair I swear if this takes me more than 10 minutes… she hasn’t even opened the door. Yeah, she said 8 am, who cares if I’m early? I AM NOT the only one awake on a Saturday morning. Y’all are just lazy fucks” a blonde rudely says into his phone. You can hear him talking loudly from behind the door. You widen your eyes, before screaming “coming! Give me 5 minutes!” and rushing towards your bathroom to make yourself presentable. “Fuck, I forgot about the roommate appointment” you whine, while putting on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. At least they are clean.

You open the door to find a broad man staring at you menacingly. He’s kinda tall, kinda (really) fit, kinda underdressed for the winter. Kinda hot, too.

“Hi, how can I help you?” you offer him the nicest smile your still sleepy mind can muster.

He looks you up and down, before focusing on your face and levelling you with an indifferent look.

“You must be Y/N. I’m Katsuki Bakugo, we had to meet at 8 am for the spare room offer. I've been here for 15 minutes” he gruffly declares.

You add “rude” to your list of “kinda”. You don’t like his tone. -1 point.

“Yeah, and it’s 7:48” you bite back, your smile faltering while shaking his outstretched hand. He’s definitely going to the gym with the callouses he has.

“Come in, I’ll let you see what you’re getting yourself into”, you say, opening your door more.

You live in a nice apartment, you think. There’s a nice kitchen with a nice island that also serves as a table in front of it, a blueish couch in front of the tv, and a couple of steps that bring you to a corridor with three doors: your room, the spare one and the bathroom.

You describe everything while he stays in absolute silence next to you. It makes you feel uneasy. -1 point.

You just finished showing him the bathroom and are ready to tell him you don’t think he’s a good suitor when he finally speaks up.

“And how much do you pay for this shit?” he asks. Nice voice, you think. Gravelly and rough enough to not sound annoyingly forced. +1 point.

“500 a month” you reply, while returning to the kitchen.

“Your shower needs some work done, it leaks. Also, mold is starting to show on the bathroom ceiling, might wanna check on that. Your oven looks unusable in the condition it’s in. Small tv. At least you’re clean from what I've seen” he begins to say.

You frown and turn to look at him. Did this bitch talk for the first time in 15 minutes only to complain?

“Do you even know how to cook with said oven?” you say, ignoring everything else he just said, and giving him a nasty look.

He tsks. “Yes. Is this your way of asking me to cook you fucking breakfast? I don’t eat with lazy people who get out of bed at 11 am” he makes sure to say.

You scoff. Men really do find the audacity to say stuff like this nowadays? It seems like you've been out of the loop for too much.

“You showed up early. It’s a sign of disrespect, you know? Also no, I know how to fix myself something. I just don’t want you to burn my kitchen down to a crisp and smell takeout whenever I get home” you say in the rudest way you find possible.

He smirks before saying “might wanna check on that fucking attitude of yours too before I poison your food”, tapping your shoulder to get you out of the way and take out some pans. You showed him where to find them earlier on.

“What the fuck are you doing?” you say in disbelief. “This is still my kitchen. Get out”.

He rolls his eyes. “I’m making you fucking breakfast to say sorry for interrupting your princess sleep. Just make coffee while I come up with something. If you know how to make it, that is” he doesn’t even look at you while getting eggs, milk and bread out of the fridge.

You’re baffled. He’s making himself at home when you didn’t even say he was accepted.

“Wait, you’re still not-“

“I'll give you the money at the start of every month. I’ll paint the walls of the room, I hate that fucking green, but painters are scammers so I’m doing it myself. I’m clean, I’ll just need a spare key in a matter of days to take my shit here. I’ll keep myself in my room if you keep yourself in yours. Any further requests?” he interrupts you, assembling his french toasts on the pan.

You’re even more stunned. But you’ve always been quick with your thoughts, so you come up with something.

“I’ll say yes if those french toasts are good. If they’re not, your ass is out” you say, still not looking at him, while making coffee.

“Might say yes if you know how to make a hot chocolate from scratch instead of the poor coffee that machine will make” he watches you from the corner of his eye. You scoff, you’re a barista nonetheless: who does he think he’s talking to? Meanwhile, he could swear he knew you from somewhere.

“Deal”.

“Deal”.

Neither to say, the french toasts were “not that bad” and your hot chocolate was “barely fucking acceptable”.

#bakugo katuski #bakugou katsuki #bnha #barista au #bakugo fluff #i guess #how do you tag #bakugou x you #bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #and they were roommates #bakugo knows how to cook in this one

[luciddownloading]

Tarot Reading (Pick A Card): Messages From Your Inner Child 🧸

Hello and welcome to or welcome back for another Tarot reading. I felt very inspired to do this one today, possibly because of my own recent inner child work. It's pretty self-explanatory. We will first see what traits your inner child has; how you were as a child and how you still carry that around. Then, we'll see what messages your inner child has for you. Being in touch with the child within can make you more in touch with your emotions and needs, which can, therefore, bring you clarity on emotional problems or external conflicts you may be avoiding or struggling with.

I don't know what kind of messages will come out but I have a feeling that some of what I will be channeling will be on the heavier side. The inner child can, of course, carry so much of any trauma or abuse a person may have experienced growing up. So, keep that in mind.

And I am taking reversals again, btw. I just felt called to. So, see which image or images you feel most drawn to and then see what you need to know about or hear from your inner child. As always, use your intuition to know what resonates and if it's your pile or not. This reading may not be for everyone because of the messages being channeled.

PILE 1

PILE 2

PILE 3

PILE 4

PILE 1

YOUR INNER CHILD'S TRAITS

The Hermit (reversed)

Knight of Pentacles (reversed)

The Tower (reversed)

Ten of Cups (back of the deck)

Aw, Pile 1. I want to give the little version of you a hug. This is some really emotionally charged energy here. I feel like there are a lot of feelings about your childhood that you have yet to process. Maybe you're on the younger side still, like your early to mid 20's, and you haven't dealt with that yet. Or you could have just begun your healing journey or you're just about to. Either way, your inner child feels very, very close to your adult self, as if you are still that child that you were then. This could be in positive ways or in ways that held you back.

I definitely feel like you were very introverted or spent a lot of time alone. You might have been shamed a lot for that. Adults around you, in particular, could have thought your introversion was odd or tried to push you out of it. Not realizing that you can't really change that about a person! However, although there's nothing wrong with being an introvert, some of your behavior was a reaction to your environment. You often felt unsafe and judged and overwhelmed and you would totally retreat within your own little world in order to cope. You could play with your toys, read books or watch movies all day with little interaction with others.

You were constantly wishing you were somewhere else. You definitely could have hates your home life and even your hometown. You had a lot of fantasies about moving away or running away. You might have even tried to run away from home, when things got too crazy. But, I also feel like you were the rock in the family. You didn't need to be and shouldn't have been. You were just a kid. But, your home atmosphere was very turbulent and your family members could have been very unstable or thrived on drama. You might have felt like it was your role to be the sane one in the house or else everything would truly crumble. I can see you being a mini adult and being the one to listen or give advice or calm things down. If you had younger siblings, that's different. But, if you were doing this with older siblings or your parent(s), that could be a big source of trauma. Who was taking care of you?

You were either a huge overachiever or major underachiever in school, as a response to this parentified role. Either you felt like getting straight A's and being the model child was your key to survival and receiving love or you were so exhausted, neglected and even depressed at home that you couldn't be bothered with school. You might have even underperformed academically as your way of rebelling. People might not have understood the extent of your issues at home. One or both of your parents were all about appearances and making people think you had a perfect family.

I do think that you developed a deep-seated dream of the perfect family, as a child. You could have looked at your friends' families with envy or longing, wondering why couldn't have a family as nice or caring or stable as that. You might have even spent a lot of time at certain friends' homes, to the point where you became an honorary member of their family. It was a nice escape from your home. Again, I also think you became a major caregiver as a result of your upbringing. You were especially gentle with younger kids and very aware of how you treated them. You also couldn't wait to grow up and become a parent yourself. You could have personal placements in Scorpio or the Earth signs (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) especially Virgo. Your Moon, in particular, may be in one of those signs. Your inner child is a real sweetheart and determined to give others the love that he/she/they didn't feel. That even extended to your relatives, even if they weren't always acting right. And this affected them very deeply. They may not have said so or treated you well but you were truly the warm, loving nucleus of your family. A light in the midst of the dark.

WHAT YOUR INNER CHILD WANTS TO SAY

The Empress

Three of Swords (reversed)

The Chariot

Judgement

The Fool (back of the deck)

Okay, this is interesting. So, what I said earlier about your healing journey just beginning could definitely apply to a lot of you. But, for a minority of you, this is describing the healing that you have already done and how far you have gotten. Either way, your inner child is coming through to say how absolutely proud they are of you! They are either proud because of all the progress you have made or the changes you are on track to make in order to heal.

You have or will become the kind of adult that your little self always needed. It is okay if you are crying right now because I am tearing up, too! Lol but you are fully capable of giving your inner child all the love and safety and support they were missing while growing up. You have spent so much of your life just giving, giving, giving that love away. That's what you learned to do. You learned to survive your daily life by giving love to people who couldn't receive it and/or couldn't give that love back. And that has carried over into your friendships and your love life. You are SUCH a loving person but you actually have a very hard time receiving love. This is why you are so drawn to unavailable people in love, for instance. It's what you know and because they can't truly be there for you, it keeps you feeling safe. That's a subconscious thing but attention is being drawn to this pattern (and many of you already know this).

You have had your heart broken very badly before in love because of this pattern. But, you know what? You refuse to give up on love or life. You refuse to shut your heart down. And if you're feeling tempted to harden or go cold, this is your warning to not give into that. That is not you! However, it is going to be important for you to incorporate a little bit more of your head. You lead with your heart and have a huge heart. Your heart chakra is one of your most powerful chakras. But, you will need to remember the power of discernment and boundaries. Don't just give your love to anyone! And align yourself with friends or love interests who can pour into you. It's not your duty or obligation to pour into them! Let yourself receive and attract good love.

I am getting that those of you who chose this pile have a very strong feminine energy (and, of course, you could identify with any gender). A message from your inner child is coming through about that. In some way, you weren't allowed to fully own your feminine energy as a child. Your family could have shamed or mocked you for it. You could have been pushed to be more masculine in a way that felt inauthentic to you. Something about a mother figure is also coming through. She could have been the main one shaming your femininity and possibly because of her struggles with her own. She could have been more on the controlling or suppressive side, not that nurturing or understanding.

However, you have the power to be a great mother figure to yourself. So much of your adult life will be about stepping into your Divine Feminine essence and healing the shaming you received for it as a child. And many of you will find other mother figures to connect to and feel truly nurtured by, whether it's surrogate mothers in the physical, feminine ancestors and spirit guides or even goddesses who have that motherly energy. Take what resonates.

All in all, your inner child either wants to prepare you for or congratulate you on creating a completely different life as an adult than the one given to you as a child. This could even mean cutting certain relatives off or your immediate family as a whole. Whatever feels right to you! You are in charge now. But, I can see you, throughout your healing, having huge and sudden realizations about your upbringing or your behavioral patterns as a result of your upbringing. These breakthroughs will lead to sweeping changes. But, also, don't push yourself too hard. A big part of your healing will depend on being gentle with yourself, especially since you didn't get that at home.

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PILE 2

YOUR INNER CHILD'S TRAITS

King of Pentacles

The Emperor (reversed)

Ten of Cups

Eight of Pentacles (back of the deck)

Pile 2, it seems like you grew up in a home/family that was very patriarchal. I am picking up a father figure with a very strong presence or personality. It could have been a grandfather, too. Maybe you were raised by your grandparents. I am also seeing a beard. Either your father or grandfather could have been known for their beard. But, whatever paternal figure you looked up to, I think they were very solid, consistent and grounded in an impressive way. They shaped a lot of your values, especially your work ethic.

Interestingly, I feel like there is the influence of two father figures here. It could even be a dad and a stepdad. Or two dads! Whatever the case. But, I feel like you were much closer to one than the other. For a lot of you, I do think this is the case of a grandpa that you were very connected to and a dad who you had a lot of issues with. Possibly the reverse! Take it how it resonates. Regardless, one of these father figures made you feel very restricted and invalidated and even controlled. He was very strict and rigid in ways that deeply impacted you.

It's also interesting because not a lot is coming through about you. I don't think, as a child, you were given much space to have an identity of your own. Some of you come from very big families or there was just a lot going on at home. You might have felt unseen and neglected. I think the financial part of your home life was fine. It was a case of emotional neglect. And you had a very deep need for your father's approval and recognition. It was something you just couldn't get but you tried your hardest (and that may still be continuing into adulthood).

The one way you were able to get attention was by achieving things. So, you put a lot of effort and energy into being the best. You also might have had a very competitive relationship with your siblings, for this reason. You could have birth chart placements in Aries or the Earth signs: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn. Your Moon could be in one of those signs, especially Aries or Capricorn. In many ways, you were a very masculine child. You may have been sporty and athletic, tomboyish, or just very assertive and direct. I do feel like your inner child has anger issues. Even though you could be sensible and level-headed, that inability to feel heard or validated could really, really frustrate you. But, that would just get you into trouble, especially with the aforementioned father figure. Maybe, at times, you would act out because that was a surefire way to get noticed by him.

WHAT YOUR INNER CHILD WANTS TO SAY

The Moon (reversed)

Page of Wands

Queen of Cups (reversed)

Five of Swords

Three of Cups (back of the deck)

Okay, I feel like the message here from your inner child is actually about your family. You have spent your life remaining oblivious to many of the dynamics in your family. If you do recognize some toxic patterns, you will just brush it off as not that big of a deal. But, you are underestimating the importance of these issues. They will catch up to you sooner or later. I am honestly feeling like your inner child is having a kind of That's So Raven vision of something bad happening soon. Except that's a sitcom and this won't be so funny. (You might actually have clairvoyance, too, and not realize it yet) But, you KNOW trouble is brewing. The tension keeps building on something and that'll keep happening until it boils over.

That sounds ominous, I know lol. This is not to scare you. If anything, it's to wake you up because you know what's going on and what's not right. You're just ignoring it. I hate to say it but certain family members might be hating behind your back or hoping you fail. That might not even be entirely conscious. But, when people are really struggling with their own insecurities, they take it out on people who are doing well. Are you embarking on some sort of project or new venture? If so, there are relatives who may be doubting you, criticizing you, even working against you.

There could be a betrayal from someone in your family that you don't see coming, even though anyone else could from a mile off. You just blind yourself, at times, and give them the benefit of the doubt too much. They want to keep you small. You are good at outdoing a lot of your competition, whether you realize it or not. But, you aren't given enough credit. It's that toxic thing that some people do of choosing to not praise you, even though you absolutely ATE without a crumb left on the plate, because praising you, in their mind, would make them smaller. But, that means that they were already small to begin with!

I am getting that this reversed Queen of Cups could be a draining mother figure in your family. If your father was emotionally unavailable, then she was emotionally exhausting. And an emotional vampire can feel very threatened by your success because that means they can't feed on your energy anymore. This could also be a sister, aunt, grandma or even a male relative with a lot of feminine energy. But, they can make you feel very manipulated. And, in the end, they could still love you. This could be so unconscious they don't even know they're doing it.

The little version of you is coming through to tell you to not be deceived by this kind of behavior. This relative may even try to talk you out of your dreams and goals or instill fear. For some of you, I feel like you are pursuing something very creative; a talent you have had since childhood but may not have fully maximized yet. For others, you are already doing it and it's about to take off. Whatever your abilities (and they don't necessarily have to be artistic), I think it's something this Queen of Cups may envy, especially if it's something they always wanted to do.

In terms of your hard father figure, there is a message here to stop trying to impress him. At what point do you decide that you're an adult who doesn't need their parent's approval to thrive? Your inner child is quite exhausted with jumping through those hoops. Just live your life! Liberate yourself. And that liberation may involve taking a break from your family or getting some distance, even if it's for a little while. Maybe longer! It will depend on the type of shit that goes down. I have the feeling that you grew up in a very "close-knit" family. But, close-knit in the sense of codependency and doing things together more so out of habit. If you are still living at home or in your hometown for whatever reason, now would be the time to go elsewhere. As I said, there's not a lot in this reading about your separate identity. I think you need to spend some more time totally on your own to figure out who you are as an individual.

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PILE 3

Two of Pentacles

Five of Swords (reversed)

Eight of Wands (reversed)

King of Swords (reversed) (back of the deck)

Pile 3, I get the feeling that, wphile growing up, you might have taken on quite a bit just to make your family happy. Your inner child can be quite a people pleaser. I think you have always hated arguments and drama and conflict. So, you would do and say whatever was necessary to diffuse things or ease the tension. You might have personal placements, particularly the Moon, in Air: Gemini, Libra, Aquarius. You were a more laid-back child, agreeable and easy to get along with. But, you also struggled with intense inner conflict because you were so busy trying to alleviate any external conflicts and this had a way of eventually spilling out.

Your inner child is very fearful and anxious. I definitely get the vibe of "walking on eggshells". Again, you never wanted to do or say anything wrong. I think the consequences when you messed up could have been especially harsh or even cruel. So, this made you feel very self-conscious and insecure. Many of you could have had a father figure who was pretty much verbally abusive. His words could be extremely harsh and destructive and he might have given you his worst. The ways in which he tore you down may have stuck with you for life and you still haven't healed from it, in some way, is what I am getting.

Your inner child definitely needs a big hug! I don't feel like you got the emotional nourishment that you needed while growing up. That was kind of a foreign concept in your house. You were tended to on practical and intellectual levels. As a result, your inner child can be incredibly needy in ways you don't truly understand. Because of that insistence on the practical, you still focus heavily on the practical now, at the neglect of everything else. I am getting the message that if you are putting too much energy into work, it's because you have some sort of emotional problem you're not dealing with. I think you are simultaneously very close to your inner child but very detached from them. You have many emotional wounds that you feel like you can just ignore or suppress. But, it will come out, in some way or another.

I think that exploring and confronting your inner child can be very scary for you. You would rather not deal with those issues. But, you have to deal with them or else they will deal with you! You're also a little too comfortable in the old patterns of childhood. Not much has changed in terms of the dysfunctional way you deal with things. You get terribly afraid of disappointing people and causing conflict, which inevitably creates conflict. And you can be so, SO hard on yourself. You have a very mean inner dialogue that is just an echo of all the mean things your father figure planted in your head. It's really intense. Your inner child is just crying out for help and comfort because it's like they keep getting beat up again and again.

WHAT YOUR INNER CHILD WANTS TO SAY

King of Swords (reversed)

Seven of Cups (reversed)

Death (reversed)

The Magician (reversed)

Two of Wands (reversed)

Wow, well, this is really heavy. I don't know if you approached this reading expecting to hear what I am about to tell you . But, on some level, you know you need to hear it. First off, what is so striking is that the King of Swords in reverse immediately popped out again. You know that meme of Jasmine Masters, the drag queen, where she's like, "Well, just as I thought. Trash!" That's what just came to mind because I feel that way about this father figure represented by the reverse King of Swords. They are so mean and nasty and so miserable. Always has been and might always will be. Yes, I am dragging them lol. Maybe I should be impartial but fuck it. I feel like you need that because them showing up again here confirms how much they have wrecked your self-image and self-esteem since childhood. They made you believe that YOU are trash but you weren't the problem. They are still so deep in your head and under your skin and that's the first thing you need to heal.

You have spent your whole life afraid of turning into them, too, and you don't see how wonderful you actually are. We do NOT have to be our parents. We are not automatic clones of our parents. So many people just become a lot like their parents out of conditioning and an inability to shape their personalities in a different mold or break the cycle. Maybe you too have tendencies toward being harsh or cold but some of this is just a defense mechanism. You're not perfect but that doesn't make you the worst person alive. And that doesn't make you your father. Again, I really don't think you see how kind and lovely your heart really is because no one consistently made your little self feel good and lovable.

Another message I am getting is that I feel like you get sucked into super-dysfunctional situations that mirror your childhood issues. You might easily fall into either very toxic or very unfulfilling relationships. You felt trapped and mistreated as a child and you now fall into situations where you feel trapped and mistreated. Certain partners may even have made you feel like it's not possible to leave or survive without them. If you're in such a relationship now, PLEASE seek help and know that it is possible to get out. You also don't have to hide what you're going through out of shame.

Yeah, the relationship thing is a major message here. You can settle for terrible partners because you don't feel you deserve something better. You may feel like you have no other option. You can also just settle for being alone and pushing good things away because the prospect of losing something good is too scary for you. I feel like these are actually not messages from your inner child but real guidance from Spirit and your Guides. They want you to heed this advice so you can actually begin the process of healing and nurturing your inner child.

It feels like you have been extremely resistant to change, in the past, and developed a sort of learned helplessness. I think it's the vulnerability of your hurt inner child that wants someone else to gallop in and save you. But, no, you can save yourself. You can be your own hero. You can prove to yourself, your family, and anyone else that you are so, so much more than your trauma or all the horrible and inaccurate things you were told about yourself. But, you have choose that path of healing. You have to make the conscious effort. The reward of it all will be reconnecting with your child self and recognizing that they were and are so much more lovable and special than they were told they were.

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PILE 4

YOUR INNER CHILD'S TRAITS

The Hierophant

Ace of Wands

Three of Swords (reversed)

King of Cups (back of the deck)

Pile 4, I definitely feel like your inner child is an old soul. You had a maturity and wisdom to you beyond your years as a kid. So much of that just had to do with the strength and frequency of your soul. You lived many, many lifetimes before you incarnated. You're a highly spiritual being and I really get the feeling that many of you were incarnated in order to heal some sort of generational trauma in your family. You have a very strong bond with at least one or two of your ancestors, who either passed on before you arrived or when you were very little, to the point where you may barely remember them. But, they serve as a Guide to you and they're actually hijacking the reading a bit just to tell you how proud they are of you and how much they love you.

You were a very compassionate, very loving child. I actually wouldn't be surprised if you were also drawn to Pile 1 because this feels like an extension of that pile. You are a born empath and healer, a light-worker, but you, of course, didn't know that as a child. You just knew you felt everything deeply and cried when others were in pain, that you could feel the pain of the adults around you without them even telling you. And you didn't understand why you didn't quite feel like a child. There was a heaviness and seriousness to you, an intense emotional depth. Yes, you could still be silly and playful. But, you were like some ancient 2000 year old creature stuck in a child's body.

Yet, you were also very enthusiastic, passionate and spirited. You might have had a big personality that felt often stifled by the adults around you. I am sensing that many of you grew up in a very traditional or very conservative family that you just could not fit into. You could have been made to feel bad about your free spirit, your fiery side or colorful nature. For some of you, being so sensitive, this stifled you and made you turn inward. You could have experienced a personality shift where you became shy, quiet or reserved. However, you found your escape in creativity. You displayed a lot of creative talent, at an early age, and this became an outlet for all your self-expression and strong emotions.

Many of you could have had a very religious upbringing, too. While it may have been very restrictive, I feel like a lot of you enjoyed going to church and what not because of your high spiritual vibration. It wasn't about the religion itself but the communion with God/Spirit/Source. That created a very solid foundation of faith that you have carried with you throughout life, even if you left the church and moved away from religion, which a lot of you did. But, you remained connected to Source and developed a very powerful spiritual life as an adult.

Yeah, I do have a hard time exactly feeling like your inner child is a child. Of course, there can be trauma associated with that feeling. Maybe you did have to grow up too fast. But, people online nowadays think so much in terms of therapy language that some of them fail to realize that being an "old soul" or "miniature adult" is not entirely the result of trauma. That's also just who you naturally were as a kid. You could have birth chart placements - the Moon sign, in particular - in the sign of Taurus or the Water signs: Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces. Your inner child is very perceptive and insightful. You saw the wounds in your family members, especially adults, and somehow "knew better", on an emotional level, than them.

Many of you had turbulent upbringings and suffered a lot of hurt yourself. A result of cycles being repeated. But, you never let it break you. I also think you were highly protected on a spiritual level. Very powerful Spirit Guides of yours acted as parental figures on the other side. They're the ones who raised you, emotionally and spiritually. There is a caring father figure in Spirit form who was especially present. It could have been your actual father who passed, a late grandfather or uncle, or even just a Spirit Guide who plays the role of father in your life. But, this is a masculine being who has always provided you with both strength and comfort, who has been there every time you shed tears. They love you so, so much and are so proud of how far you've come. Such a beautiful message! Again, that's a bit of a side note but they are very integral in the character, integrity, and depth you've developed since childhood because your 3d family could not give that to you.

WHAT YOUR INNER CHILD WANTS TO SAY

Queen of Swords (represented)

Ten of Pentacles

Four of Cups (reversed)

The Empress (reversed)

Two of Wands (back of the deck)

This is so interesting because every single pile has had major messages about a parental figure. But, this is about your inner child so that makes total sense. Your inner child is drawing attention to your mother figure here. She may not have been easy to deal with as a kid or even now as an adult. She could have controlling, abusive or narcissistic traits. And I don't easily throw the "narcissist" word around but that's what I am feeling called to say. You know if that resonates.

But, you are being asked to look at your mother's lineage and side of the family as a whole, which I feel is probably very female dominated. I think they were the source of a lot of your childhood trauma. Examine the family history and ask yourself how patterns have repeated or been passed down. Ask yourself how your mom was treated by her mom. Are there parallels? Can you see how that shaped her? And I think you're already good at processing those things but your inner child kind of wants you to not just see your mom as your mom. Really think about when she was just a child and how she probably felt the same way about her mom as you felt toward her. Whether or not you forgive is your choice. But, having more perspective on her could be healing.

Your inner child also wants you to examine your relationship with women, as a whole. Depending on your gender or sexual orientation, this could differ. But, I feel like you have recently been betrayed or heartbroken by a woman who you were very close to, either a good friend or a romantic partner. She could have displayed the same narcissistic or malignant traits as your mom or other women in your family. And that could be a haunting realization - that you are somehow attracted to that dynamic - but this recognition also leads to healing. If you're a woman, you also may have a horrible fear of becoming these women. But, no need to fear. You are the cycle breaker, honey! It ran through your family until it ran into you!

Regardless of your gender, I think you were meant to be a beautiful example of the Divine Feminine. But, you need to be aware of what kind of feminine energies you're drawing into your life. Whether male or female, you could really attract close connections with women who want to control you or make you feel small, who are jealous of your beauty or abundance or confidence. This is an echo of things with your mom and shows you where you need to heal that inner child wound. You are not doomed to be near feminine narcissists but these relationships need to serve as a lesson. So, you can avoid them in the further and attract truly supportive, genuine feminines into your life. You deserve to be your fullest self and not shrink for someone who supposedly loves you.

There is so much that you could have become, in a negative way, but you didn't! Your mother or that toxic feminine serve as a sort of inverse mirror image of you. Your Guides are congratulating you for not becoming that and moving down the right path. Also, a big part of your destiny will be having a family. I think the majority of you will want kids but, for a few of you, this could also mean fur-babies. I also feel compelled to say you're quite close to establishing that family of your own.

I am not saying you'll get married in a few months! But, I think a lot of you either will meet/reunite with the person you'll marry very soon (this year is what I am getting) or you are already with them. And this will lead to a family. Again, don't worry. You have already done all the healing work you have needed to do, including possibly cutting toxic relatives out. If this is your mom and you are struggling with that decision or missing her, it's okay to feel that way. But, you did the right thing! Think of how unhappy your life would be if you didn't make the decision to heal or distance yourself. You are setting yourself, your future spouse and future children up for the kind of fulfillment you didn't have.

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Thanks for stopping by! You can check out my other readings and posts here:

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[augustvandyne]

Secret relationship with Andy Herrera. 5 times you almost get caught, and the one time you do? Please? I love Andy so much!!

yesss! i love andy soooo much too. with a shy reader because why not?

eight months

1.

When the two of you first started dating you were always in the kitchen for some reason. You’d cook each other breakfast, as well as enough for the rest of the team when they came in so it didn’t look too suspicious.

The two of you would both come in early. It was something the both of you had a habit of doing even before you started dating.

It was actually how you became so close and when you had your first kiss.

Once you started dating, the two of you would come into the kitchen and hangout. You’d talk and make breakfast, just spend time together.

But the first time you almost got caught the two of you were eating together at the table.

“This is really good Andy,” You licked your lips, pulling in any left over cinnamon from the french toast Andy had just made.

“Thanks,” Andy smiled.

She’d been done eating minutes before you, and was watching you eat at this point. Not in a creepy way, but in an admirable way. Like she couldn’t believe you were hers.

“I made it because I know it’s your favorite,” The firefighter rested her elbow on the table with her chin placed in the palm of her hand.

Your lips curved into a half smile as you finished your last bite of breakfast.

You turned yourself in your seat—you’d always been clingy towards people. It was how you showed your love, even though you were shy—and you pulled Andy’s chair closer.

“Alright,” Andy chuckled as you pulled on the chair. “before you get too comfortable let’s at least take care of these first.”

Andy took both of your plates, rinsed them off in the sink for whoever was on dish duty tonight, and made her way back to you.

“Now, you can be as clingy as you want,” Andy moved impossibly closer to you.

You placed your feet on the rungs of the chair Andy was sitting in. It was the only way closer to her without actually sitting on top of her, and that was another risk all in itself— but it was one Andy was willing to take.

“Come up here,” Andy jerked her head and you became shy all of the sudden. You dipped your head into her neck and that made Andy shake her head with a chuckle. “Don’t be shy now, sweetheart.”

She lifts your chin and pulls you in for a soft kiss, pulling away after a second to look into your eyes.

Andy may have pulled you in for more if the sound of laughter and footsteps coming down the hall into the kitchen hadn’t made way.

Andy gives you a kiss on the cheek as you scramble off her lap and onto your own chair. You scoot the chair over a few feet to make it look like two friends just had breakfast.

“Hey.. guys?” Victoria looked at you with a frown and you really thought you’d gotten caught right then and there. “Aw man, you guys already ate? Again?”

“I swear,” Maya shook her head. “You guys get here at like four am. And I thought I was an overachiever.”

“What can I say?” You put your hands up, trying not to sound suspicious.

2.

On the next occasion, a few months later, you and Andy were laying in a bed together in one of the rooms at the station.

For some ungodly reason, the two of you were on your monthly 48 hour shift, and you were catching some sleep before the next call.

Well, you weren’t actually sleeping, as much as cuddling and talking before dozing off for the night.

“You know, maybe we could go on a real date soon,” Andy suggested. “There’s an amazing restaurant I want to take you to.”

“But?” You sensed something.

“But we might run into someone we know,” Andy sighed.

“Maybe we should just tell them,” You suggested back, tilting your head towards Andy.

“Not yet,” Andy shook her head slightly. “I like having you all to myself right now.”

“I like being all yours but.. I have to admit it would be nice to go out with you,” You smiled shyly.

“Well, we can just risk it,” Andy smirked excitedly. “Yes. It’s settled. We’ll go after our shift.”

“You didn’t even ask if I wanted to go!” You threw your head back. “And I will at least need to sleep a few hours after our shift before I go anywhere. And how nice is this place?”

Andy was about to reply when the door swung open and you launched yourself out of the bed.

Travis stumbled in half asleep, “Why are you on the floor?”

“Um…” You tried to think of a good reason but then Travis stumbled into a bed on the other side of the room.

“It’s not the weirdest thing I’ve seen tonight,” Travis mumbled, already half asleep.

“That’s was close,” Andy said once she was sure Travis was asleep.

“Yes. It was,” You lift yourself up off the floor and lay in one of the other beds. “That hurt.”

You laughed along with your girlfriend, wishing Travis hadn’t walked in. It was probably for the better, because if it had been a few more minutes the two of you probably would have fallen asleep in the bed together, and that would’ve risen more concerns in itself.

“We can take a nap before we go,” Andy said after a minute of silence. “At our place, and I’ll help you pick something to wear. But if you don’t want to go, we can stay in—“

“No. I would never turn down seeing you in a dress,” You joked. “And I’d go just about anywhere with you, so..”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah,” You said as you stared at the ceiling, Travis’ snores lulling you to sleep.

3.

And so Andy did take you out alright.

You were living together by now, and were still, somehow, a secret to the station. She picked out a beautiful dress for you—of your favorite color—and a light green dress for herself. Slivers of skin peeking out of the dress at her sides.

She took you out to a nice Italian restaurant on the other side of the city; hopes of not running into anyone there.

It’d been going pretty well for the moment.

Andy had her elbow on the table again, her chin resting in the palm of her hand while she lovingly gazed at you. It was something she’d come to do around you, and you got giddy at it every time.

“Thank you for taking me out,” You tilt your head to the side. “But I am helping you pay.”

Andy rolls her eyes, “I figured as much.”

You chuckle.

The food came quickly after that, and you were just about to order dessert when you saw Carina and Maya make their way in.

You clench your jaw and said, “Maya and Carina are here. We should probably pay and get out of here before they see us.”

“I already paid,” Andy looks away from you guiltily as she takes a sip of her wine.

“Andrea!” You smack her arm.

“What?” Andy shrugs. “I was taking you out. Not the other way around. It’s only fair if I pay.”

“But— but—“ You sputter as Andy stands up and takes your hand, leading the both of you out of the restaurant. “You were just going to let me think I helped you pay?”

“Maybe,” Andy surveys your face, which gets redder but the second when Andy backs you up against the passenger side door. “Or maybe..”

Your breath hitches as Andy pushes your hair back and lowers her lips to your ear, “You can just pay for desert.”

Your cheeks are hot, and Andy smirks at your newfound weakness.

She opens the door for you and waits for you to sit in the seat before shutting the door and making her way to the drivers side.

4.

For your birthday you decided you wanted to just have a little get together and your—and Andy’s (although no one knew it was hers too)—apartment.

You were never one for big parties, and you didn’t really have any friends outside of the station. So you decided this would fine.

Everyone decided they’d all just bring something, that way there was plenty to eat.

The day before during dinner Maya, your best friend, had brought it up. You’d invited them to come over weeks in advance, because you knew how the firefighters liked to make plans.

You told them you were just going to order takeout and you could watch a few movies, maybe drink some beer.

But Victoria didn’t like that one bit. She complained and decided she’d bring a cake—whether it was one she made herself, or not, you’d never know—and everyone agreed with her, deciding on what they’d bring or make.

Andy ‘arrived’ first. She’d brought some fruit and vegetables, mostly just because she knew no one else would and that you’d be eating random unhealthy food for the rest of the night, so she figured it wouldn’t hurt if you had some healthy food to pick at.

“Hey gorgeous,” You beamed as she placed the trays on the counter in your kitchen.

“Gorgeous?” Andy smiles at the new nickname. “I should be calling you gorgeous. Look at you.”

You tip your chin downward, growing slightly shy at Andy’s words.

“I’m serious! Look at you,” Andy grabbed both your hands and spun you around, dipping you down as if the two of you had been dancing.

The hand Andy had on your back, holding you up, soothingly caresses your hip as she leans in for a searing hot kiss.

You moaned as Andy lifted you up while she bit your lip. She led you towards the couch, climbing on top of you.

Andy pulls down your shirt a few inches and leaves a mark on a patch of skin that is assured to be hidden by your shirt.

For once, you’re glad the front door to your apartment is located in the kitchen.

“We’re here,” Victoria sings from the kitchen, everyone filing in.

“Every time,” You shake your head, your hands resting on Andy’s hips.

“That’s not true,” Andy’s curly hair falling around her face. “Last night—“

You push her off your lap with a shy expression.

“Happy Birthday, beautiful.”

5.

It was nearing the ends of your shifts, and you and Andy planned to catch dinner and a movie afterward, so you decided to take a shower at the station— together.

Andy figured it would be safe because everyone else was heading out to the bar, and had asked if you or Andy wanted to come, but both of you denied.

Andy attacked your lips, her hands wrapping around the sides of your neck, her thumbs resting under your jawline to hold your head up.

You ran a hand through her hair while the other ran down her side.

“Mm,” You leaned your head back, your girlfriend’s assaults moving onto your neck. “We should get washed—“

“Shh,” Andy pressed her finger to your mouth.

“But—“

“My love,” Andy laughed. “We have time, I promise. We will make our movie—“

“Y/n?” Maya opened the door to the shower room. “Are you in here?”

You pushed Andy down and peek your head out of the shower, holding the curtain in place as not to flash yourself to Maya.

“What?” You asked a little rudely.

“Do you work tomorrow?” Maya asked with an antsy demeanor.

“No,” Your face softened.

Her wedding with Carina was coming up and you and Andy were both going to be her bridesmaids. You knew she was freaking out since it was so close.

“Well I need help finding something to wear and we still need to— to do a bunch of stuff—“ Maya paced the steamed up room.

“I got you, okay? Get me a list and me and whoever else is off tomorrow will take care of it. Okay?”

“Yeah, okay. Yeah,” Maya nodded. “You’re a lifesaver. Are you sure you don’t want to come tonight?”

“Yes! I am sure.”

+1

Maya and Carina’s wedding came faster than the two of you—you and Andy—could have noticed.

You’d been running around like a crazy person trying to figure out everything and anything for Maya, that way she wasn’t so stressed.

You made sure that the flowers, the catering, the guests, anything else imaginable, was in place for your best friends wedding.

The to-be-married couple requested that the two of you wore red dresses. Victoria and Ben were also told the bridesmaids dress code (Ben wore a red tie because Maya said she would probably call off the wedding if he showed up in a full red tux).

The four of you left your shifts early to help decorate, that way the two women could be calm and relaxed on the wedding day.

Once you’d all decorated, you headed home to get ready.

Andy wore a tighter fitting red dress that ended mid-thigh, with her curly hair framing her face, and it took your breath away when she revealed herself.

“Wow,” You looked her up and down.

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” Andy looked you up and down as well, and you felt yourself growing shy.

You were wearing a longer darker red dress. It had spaghetti straps and a slit up the side of the skirt.

Andy kissed your cheek, and it left a lipstick mark.

“Ugh, Andrea!” You moaned in complaint. “We need to go! You can’t do that!”

“I think I already did,” Andy laughed and licked her finger, moving towards you to rub the stain off your face but you backed up.

“Ew!” You put your hands out. “I’ll just wipe it off and redo my makeup on the side in the car. You’ll drive.”

“Yes, sweetheart,” Andy agreed, and the two of you were on your way.

When you got there, you and Andy helped Maya get ready while Victoria and Ben helped Carina.

Well, more Victoria than Ben. He was really just there as moral support. He was the only one at the station who was still currently married, so he was there to calm Carina’s nerves.

The wedding was about to start when Andy pulled you out into the hall, away from the crowd of people the women invited.

“You’re gonna smear your—“ You try to warn Andy before she placed her lips on yours, but she was too far gone. “lipstick.” You mumbled.

“I don’t care,” Andy lifted one of your thighs, your leg wrapping around her hip, the satin red material of your dress bunching around at your own hip.

“I do! You know we’re gonna— mm,” Andy smooshed her lips back onto yours, making your words go muffled.

“Shh,” Andy laughed once more. “You worry too much, my shy, shy girl.”

You duck your chin as always, and Andy lifted it to give you a few more kisses.

“Hey guys..” Maya lead the group of firefighters into the hall.

“We’re about to start— oh my!” Travis put his hand over his eyes.

Andy removed herself from you, dropping your leg to the ground when she does so.

“How long..” Ben asked awkwardly.

“Uh..” You coved your mouth, all of the sudden acting as if you didn’t know what was happening. “That’s an amazing question.. Andy?”

“Just like.. eight months,” Andy shrugged nonchalantly.

“Eight m— eight months?!” Victoria feigned hurt.

“How did you..?” Maya shook her head.

“We’re very good?” You asked.

“This is living proof that opposites attract,” Carina shrugged.

“Yeah, that is true..” Jack nodded. “Wait, so if you’ve been together eight months.. are you living together?”

The silence was deafeningly loud.

“How did we not see this?” Travis asked in a high pitched voice.

“Wait, now that I think about it, there were a lot of occasions..” Maya put her hands on her hips.

“Okay,” Andy put a hand out. “Let us fix ourselves up, and we can get this show on the road.”

Carina dramatically sighed, “How are we gonna put on a wedding after this?”

“Okay, babe, let’s go,” Maya rolled her eyes at her soon-to-be-wife. “Please don’t mess around in the bathroom. You have three minutes.”

#send asks #wlw post #andy is so cutesie #andy herrera x reader #andy herrera #station 19 x reader #station 19 #we get her back next month #ben warren #maya bishop #carina deluca #jack gibson #travis montgomery #victoria hughes #lovaaaa

[characteranalyst]

Phayu Character Analysis : The Man With a Borrowed Halo and One Foot in Hell

“My brother is far from simple, you’ll get burned if you don’t know how to play with fire” - Saifah

Gather round LITA obsessed children for an in depth analysis of our resident Daddy Dom Brat Tamer Phayu who Christian Grey wished he was and tried to be. You either hate him, love him, want to be him or all of the above.

I know PhayuRain’s arc seems like on the surface just a fluffy little romance with no need for lengthy think pieces.  But I’m obsessed with their dynamic and I could not let the hyper-fixation pass before doing a character analysis. Phayu haunts the periphery of dreams and I am hoping that this analysis will help me exorcise this beautiful spectre so I can finally know peace.

As much as I would genuinely love to crack open his skull and unspool all of his thoughts and motivations I cannot do that. So disclaimer obviously this will just be conjecture and my opinion and I am going to try and stick as closely as possible to canon and refrain from falling into head canon territory.

I have read Love Storm but I’m only going to be referencing how Phayu behaves in the series because I prefer that version of him. Also this is going to be a very LONGGGG post. I have many thoughts on this man. Feel free to skim through or save it to read for some other time.

I am mainly going to be speaking about the main character traits that I have observed from him and how he relates to the rest of the characters in the series. I think I am going to make a separate analysis of his dynamic with Rain because going in depth with that would be too much for me to mention here. 

Alright let’s get into it.

(1) EARLY CHILDHOOD AND YOUNG ADULTHOOD

We are given little to no information on his childhood and or young adulthood. What we do know is that his parents left him and Saifah an incredible house and the luxury garage so we can assume that they weren’t strapped for cash.  

Him and Saifah seem like two relatively well adjusted young men so I guess we can assume that there was little to no childhood trauma. In episode 6 during their pillow talk Phayu tells Rain that his parents are off living in Korat and enjoying their lives, I’m assuming. So I guess they’re not divorced. So he has no ‘separated parents’ trauma to deal with.

The only thing that gives us a little insight into how his childhood affected who he became as a person was when he told Rain the story of how his mother always used to argue with his father about how he could fix bikes beautifully but he could not build a house for them.

So Phayu decided that he was going to ensure that he was able to fulfil both by becoming a mechanic and an architect. I think from this we can conclude that Phayu is an overachiever and this displays his seemingly constant need to be perfect and the best.

I think this may also come from a child’s instinctual need to please their caretakers and make them proud. Phayu also seems like someone who has had a Type A personality from birth. In contrast to Saifah who seems like a little more laid back more go with the flow type.

From this little snippet of information we can also assume that his affinity for being a mechanic was either inherited from his father or taught to him and Saifah.

In conclusion it’s safe to say that Phayu does not really seem to have any trauma to speak of, he's just kinky.  I like the fact he doesn’t have any heavy trauma or unsavoury character traits (well I take this back he’s a little pushy and manipulative) he needs to get over. There is beauty in this simplicity where as a result, the majority of the narrative is focused on Phayu Rain falling in love with each other.

(2)   PHAYU AND HIS AIR OF MYSTERY (DR JEYKLL AND MR HYDE)

One thing that stood out to me when we as an audience were introduced to Phayu was his air of mystery. Everyone knows of him of course because he has been knighted as the God of the faculty of architecture.  But we see quickly that very few people actually know him personally. We can see how this fact plays out in the series through the following examples:

Pun says that she has no idea what kind of business Phayu runs but it's ok because she likes a man with a little mystery. (Episode 1)

Phayu refuses to tell Rain what he likes to eat on their first date because he says that Rain has to know him a lot longer before he can ‘snoop for information’ as he puts it. (Episode 3)

Phayu shares only a little information about his life with his senior Mhok before abruptly cutting the conversation short so as to not reveal too much information about his personal life. (Episode 4)

Phayu only reveals deep information about himself and his parents and childhood to Rain after their second time during pillow talk. (Episode 6)

He also doesn’t really seem to have close friends except for Prapai and Saifah. I don’t really think Saifah counts because he’s more of an unwilling captive because they have to share everything that their parents left them. I really don’t think they would even be friends if they weren’t brothers honestly because of their differing personalities. 

I think this ability to guard what he reveals to people helps maintain his mystique. There needs to be a certain level of distance and holding people at arm’s length that needs to take place in order for people to project their fantasies onto him and build him up as some sort of God among men.

I think the reason people idolise Phayu and like him so much is because they like the idea of him rather than the reality of him. I think if more people knew who he actually was in reality, they would be put off by how intense he is.

Rain seems like the only person who had become disillusioned with the idea of Phayu. After the debacle in Episode 1 he sees Phayu not as his ‘cool handsome big bike bro” but as a pushy piece of shit bastard that tried to assault him. I also think some of his anger towards Phayu had to do with him being confused by his feelings for him;  creating a cocktail of confusion for poor Rain to sort out. So he was able to view Phayu as a person and not place him on a pedestal like other people do.

I think this is what PhayuRain’s relationship needed to flourish as well because Phayu needs someone who is able to challenge him. We are well aware of how much he loves brats. The worshipful gaze of Som and Pun would not be satisfactory for him because they had him on a pedestal and were blinded by their idea of him so they would readily submit to him without much push back.

He needed someone with a backbone who could engage in a sort of push and pull relationship with him and our adorable little firecracker Rain was the perfect match. Phayu has people falling at his feet daily; he was in need of much more excitement than that.

Like the story of the titular character Dr.Jekyll a well-respected scientist who used his alter ego Mr.Hyde to delve into the darker side of science without repentance or taking responsibility; Phayu has that same sort of duality. I think Phayu keeps his kinky side under wraps and he’s very careful about whom he shows that part of himself to. Presumably only his lovers or potential lovers get to see his ‘bad side’.

So his DR JEKYLL would be, so to speak,the Phayu that is seen as a smart, capable, polite, helpful and well-adjusted young man, loved by all and sought after by many. This is the Phayu that would leave a random stranger his set square with an encouraging message about his future in architecture.

On the flip side his MR HYDE would be Dom Daddy Brat Tamer Phayu with a penchant for sadism and degradation.

At the end of the day both sides come together to make up who Phayu is as a person and there is nothing inherently wrong with his Mr. Hyde as long as he is able to channel it and engage with it safely with willing participants. Fortunately for him, he has Rain for that.

(3) WONKY MORAL COMPASS BUT STRINGENT PERSONAL RULES 

I really had a hard time dissecting this part. But I have come to the conclusion that Phayu deserves to be labelled as a morally grey or morally ambiguous person. I really have a soft spot for morally grey characters in media or literature. 

It makes the narrative far more interesting to follow. In real life however I would run in the opposite direction and call the police. But this isn’t supposed to be real, it's supposed to be a fantasy so I’m not going to go too much in depth about Phayu’s moral failings. This show doesn’t take itself too seriously so I’m not going to either.

Phayu is not a ‘nice’ person plain and simple and he knows it, contrary to Pun’s expository gushing in the first episode of the show when she refers to him as “super-duper nice”. After the spanking incident in Episode 2 (which was wild now that I think of it) where Rain declares that he is going to make him fall in love with him he says to himself;

 “You’re going to make me fall in love with you but do you know what kind of man I am.”

I think Phayu says this because he knows himself thoroughly the good, the bad and the ugly. Phayu has overcome himself. He has recognized all his shortcomings, all his base desires, all his lowliness, all the self-imposed restraints he places upon himself and overcome them. 

Phayu also strikes me as someone who has engaged with his shadow self and explored the parts of his psyche that most of us would repress and compartmentalise because we are too ashamed of our darkness to engage with it.

He has looked his darkness in the face and come to terms with it. That is why he says, "Do you know what kind of man I am?", because he understands people’s perception of him lies in stark contrast to his unsavoury character traits.

I also think his dabbling in BDSM has given him the room and space to conduct such exploration of himself in a safe, sane and consensual way. I think the nature of BDSM can afford people an outlet to engage with their own darkness and sort through it so that it doesn’t manifest in their life in other ways.

In Episode 1 we see where Prapai likens him to the devil (jokingly) but under every joke there is definitely some truth. If Prapai is calling him that it must be the truth because as we know Prapai looks like his only close friend.

We can assume that Prapai is incredibly familiar with Phayu’s Mr. Hyde as we can presume that they know each other very well so his assessment of dubbing Phayu as a devil must be accurate. 

Also head canon (I know I said I was going to refrain from going into head canon territory but please indulge me a bit) I’m sure they’ve fucked before in a bro-ish kind of way. I mean their both hot and bi and Prapai’s a sub in top’s clothing (I know Dom/sub and top/bottom are two separate things just enjoy the joke you know what I mean)  so it’s not far fetched to think they would have at some time fucked around a bit. 

Although I know Phayu is hardly the correct type of Dom for Prapai’s specific brand of subbiness. The point is I think that Prapai would be privy to Phayu’s true nature and how much of a little shit he can be when he isn’t using his powers for good.

In Episode 5 Saifah, the only other person we see having a close relationship with Phayu refers to him as a Devil as well.

I just know these two have witnessed some shit over the years of knowing Phayu that warranted him being referred to as a Devil.

Discussing Phayu’s moral code is very weird because it’s obvious that he doesn’t really adhere to a normal set of rules. We can assume he’s not particularly religious because it wasn’t mentioned.

I think Phayu is very domineering and kind of manipulative but at the same time he commands an air of respect. He is not necessarily what you would expect from someone who is so widely lauded as an exemplary person.

What also struck me about Phayu was the fact although his moral code seems a little flexible he has a few hard and fast non-negotiable rules that may seem arbitrary to someone like Rain but to him it may as well be gospel. 

One of these rules in the show is seen where we see he has a big thing for respect. We see an example of this when he calls Rain after he picks up his car from the garage and he tells Rain that only ill-mannered boys don’t greet the owner of the house when they stop by. He also ends the call by telling Rain to be respectful. We also see his thing for rules when he tells Rain that he doesn’t like ill-mannered boys and that he should address him as P’Phayu emphasising the use of honorifics.

Phayu is also a man of his word in Episode 7 when Rain tells Phayu that he will unleash his wrath on him if he ever cheats on him. Phayu just laughs and says he will never let Rain down. He holds true to this in the Special Episode when Rain accuses him of cheating on him with Natsu he utters the same sentiment that he promised to never let Rain down. This man looked absolutely horrified at the accusation like he wouldn’t even dream of it.

I think his strict adherence to rules other than him being a Dom could also be influenced by his exposure and affiliation with the likes of P’Pakin and P’Chai.  He knows that there will be dire consequences if the rules aren’t strictly adhered to. This is why he curses Stop for mentioning the race in public and he reprimands Rain for thoughtlessly wandering into the illegal street race without permission to be there.

BUT ON THE FLIP SIDE

He’s so stringent about ensuring that Rain is polite and respectful but he thinks it’s perfectly fine to tamper with Rain’s car so that he would have an excuse to be his knight in shining armour and save him so they could hook up. The math is not mathing at all. I know he’s an experienced mechanic and he wouldn’t have tampered with anything that would have led Rain getting in an accident and getting injured but still. WEIRD BEHAVIOUR KHUN PHAYU!!!!!! Also don’t even get me started on him using the debt of fixing Rain’s car as some weird way to stalk him??? RED FLAGGGGGG!! His methods of courtship definitely need some fine tuning. 

In conclusion his contradictory moral code gives me whiplash trying to figure out where on the scale from angel to devil I should place him. But I think he’s just human. No one is all good and all bad and I think that Mame writes very human raw characters that make you feel something. I’ll give credit where credit is due.

(4) AN EERIE LEVEL OF SELF CONTROL AND THE PATIENCE OF A SAINT 

This man probably never has New Year’s Resolutions because he’s already operating at optimal condition. Phayu is portrayed to be quite literally always in control. The only time he looks undone is after THAT SCENE in Episode 6.

We see this self-control manifest in the way he makes love to Rain in a very formulaic, worshipful and almost performative manner. Gently throwing Rain’s head back, holding his hands down and caging his body. Rain responds in kind to his dominance by always baring his throat in submission and allowing his body to go lax under Phayu’s ministrations.

It’s so gentle but he’s still being dominant and in control. While Rain always looks halfway between heaven and earth during these scenes Phayu always seems wholly present and tethered to earth (like a good Dom should be) creating a space in which his precious sub can feel safe enough to fly out of this stratosphere.

The subtlety with which he maintains control makes me absolutely feral. There is hardly any jostling or manhandling but it’s still forceful. I think a great example of the subtlety of how Phayu displays his dominance can be seen in the PhayuRain make-out scene in Episode 5.

The natural way he cages Rain’s neck to control the flow of the kiss.

The way he stop kissing Rain when Rain tries to lead and he put a finger to his lips in a way that almost screams “Relax I’m in charge here.”

Unlike our donut firecracker Rain (my sweet boy) that was ready to scrap at the first sign of disrespect, Phayu seems like he is not one to resort to violence if they could sort it out by just talking and coming to an amicable solution.

We can see an example of this where Phayu refused to be baited by Stop into fighting with him even though Stop was about to punch him at the night racing circuit in the beginning of Episode 6.

Also before the race between him and Stop where Stop was trying to rile him up. He was able to remain level headed while Stop immediately lost his cool and tried to fight him once again when Phayu insulted him.

I’m assuming this self-control is more nature than nurture. It seems like he is the type to have always been calm and self-contained. He doesn’t need to bark loudly because his competence and self-assuredness speaks volumes. 

He quite literally doesn’t yell often he just uses that husky dom voice. The only time he ever really raised his voice was when he was shouting at Rain in Episode 2 when he was worried that he could have gotten killed for sneaking into the illegal street circuit race.

The thing about dominance and control that I think people like Stop with fragile egos get wrong is that they think it comes from a place of aggression, peacocking and forcing people to bow to your will. This is however not the sort of dominance that will truly gain you respect and have people willingly obey you.

Phayu’s dominance and control comes from a place of nurturing and caring and people only defer to him and his authority because he has proven time and time again that he is capable of shouldering the responsibility of what this control entails and he has consequently gained their respect because of it.

(5) PRIDE GOES BEFORE A FALL 

No matter how level headed he is and self-control he possesses he’s still a man and he has been socialised to exist as a man. So he’s not above engaging in a motorcycle race with an asshole like Stop to prove a point and because of his pride.

I like how this moment humanised Phayu and showed how no matter how above petty human emotions he seems, he’s still liable to fall victim to making decisions based on ego.

However, I like that he was self-aware enough to realise that he was indeed only participating in this race because of his pride because he says to Rain when he tries to stop him some things just don’t have an explanation. 

We can contrast him racing Stop because of his pride and him kneeling before Stop and crawling to save Rain from being hurt. Although he has an ego he was more than willing to put pride aside to ensure Rain’s safety.

(SIDENOTE- I died watching the kidnapping ordeal in episode 7 that shit was so unserious. The picture of Rain that Stop sent Phayu lives in my head rent free and I cackle from time to time because of it.) 

(6) “P’PHAYU LHOR MAKKKKK!” – Pun  (PRETTY PRIVILEGE AND THE HALO EFFECT)

Physical appearance is often a major part of the halo effect. People who are considered attractive tend to be rated higher as possessing positive traits in contrast to people who aren’t considered conventionally attractive.

I think beauty can be blinding and make people more willing to overlook people’s misgivings. As the halo effect states people are more likely to project good qualities on to people they deem to be conventionally attractive.

As I said when I was addressing his air of mystery; because people are so predisposed to projecting all these good qualities on Phayu the distance and the space that he creates between him and other people can be filled with these projections and good qualities so that they build him up in their minds as this amazing person.

This man radiates and secretes ungodly amounts of sex appeal without trying. So I think his general attractiveness is one of the reasons as well why Rain had a hard time getting people to believe that Phayu was a pushy manipulative little asshole in the beginning.

Do I think Phayu would have commanded the same level of respect that he does without also being pretty? I don’t know to be honest. I do however think Phayu is an unintentional cautionary tale about the dangers of projecting good qualities on someone just because they’re attractive and being blind to their faults.

(7) SELF ASSURED, CONFIDENT AND CHARMING – CONCEITED?

I mean I’d be that confident too if I was rich, handsome, talented, smart ANDDDDD could fuck like a porn star but I digress. Very much a quiet confidence to him as was elaborated on when I spoke about the air of mystery. He is evidently very capable and consequently people rely on him and I think his self- assuredness comes from the fact that he can back up his claims because he has every right to be self-centred.

Without mincing words this man is very conceited. However although he is conceited he doesn’t lack empathy and he doesn’t seem too self-involved as evidenced by the way he ensures that he takes care of the people he cares about.

(8) PHAYU THE COMPULSIVE CARETAKER, CONCEITED BUT NOT SELF-INVOLVED

We see in Episode 4 how Phayu puts Rain’s needs before his by ensuring that Rain focuses on his school work and ensures that his development and advancement as a person comes before pursuing a romantic relationship with Phayu.

He ensures that Rain understands how slacking on his work in pursuance of other things will affect his work life and he lectures him while still comforting him after. I really liked this scene in Episode 3 because Phayu is able to help Rain because he’s older and more experienced and he’s gone through it before. I also like the fact that there isn’t a hint of condescension in his voice, just concern and wanting to ensure that Rain becomes the best version of himself.

Phayu shows how much he cares about Rain and is invested in making Rain a priority in his life in so many little ways. We can see in Episode 5 how Phayu leaves an important meeting to answer Rain’s text messages. Also in Episode 4 When Rain finishes his project early after an all-nighter and instead of sleeping he goes straight to Phayu. Phayu ensures that there is reciprocity in their relationship by saying that you missed out on sleep to come see me, so I'm going to hurry up and finish my work so we can hang out.

He makes an effort to help Rain finish his models like he promised to do in his speech in Episode 5. Also in Episode 4 he apologises to Rain for his phone dying and for making him wait for him in the rain. In Episode 6 after he almost gets in a fight with Stop the first thing he does is ask Rain if he’s alright even though he was the one that almost had a brawl with Stop.

I think we really see throughout the show how the way Phayu interacts with Rain takes on a sort of paternalistic tinge. The title of Daddy is incredibly fitting and I really just think this is him being a good Dom.

That’s why I think this is the reason Phayu looks so touched and taken aback when Rain and him first meet and he holds the umbrella for Phayu while he’s changing his tire. Phayu’s so used to being relied on and being assumed to be competent and well put together. He’s used to giving without expecting anything in return. So when Rain does this small act of kindness in an effort to repay this Good Samaritan, Phayu becomes fascinated with him. 

(9) ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS B.R. (Before Rain)

Was he possibly a whore? Not as much of a whore as Prapai but he has definitely spun the block. Whereas our beloved service top Prapai has built a gated community in which he resides on said block. Phayu had a condom stashed under that toy car so we know he was getting some action.

He was probably not a whore whore because as he said to Rain in the bathroom scene:

We all know why he’s particular. I don’t think he would have been able to find a lot of people willing to put up with his domineering attitude and controlling nature long term if they didn’t have that sort of kink no matter how insanely hot he is.

But there were definitely others before Rain if we can take cues from the offhanded comments of the other characters in the series. Saifah tells Rain in Episode 3 when he’s waiting for Phayu that there were others before him. Was it a lot of others though? The world may never know.

Saifah comments on the fact that Phayu has been single for a long time and Saifah tells him if he wants to be happy like him he should get in a serious relationship. So we can assume that long term romantic relationships for Phayu have more than likely been few and far between. He probably was not celibate though as we see how he was going to have a one night stand with Rain.

We see Saifah saying that he feels bad for whoever is making Phayu smile like that and how he warns him not to be too mean to Rain because he will run away. We can assume that others have been perturbed by how intense Phayu was in the past and they have run off.

I’m sure Saifah knows Phayu very well and even if he isn’t aware of the details of his kinkiness he knows Phayu has a thing about control and a mean streak. At least that’s what Saifah computes it as in his vanilla mind. I’m sure this poor man has heard and seen way too much. JUSTICE FOR SAIFAHH!!!!!!

Lastly before they get together Phayu constantly tests Rain to see if he can handle what a long term relationship with him would look like. I’m sure this comes from things not working out in the past and Phayu wanting to ensure that Rain can handle him.

We can see that Phayu may have abandonment issues from things not working out in the past with his romantic pursuits when in Episode 5 he’s scared and panicked and sad when Rain runs away after they have sex for the first time. I have three theories about this:

(1) He didn’t want to lose Rain because he’s a unicorn and he may never have hope of finding someone so perfect for him again.  

(2) He was abandoned before because he was too much and overbearing and it triggered him.

(3) He’s big on communication and he feels slighted that Rain ran away before they could discuss how their relationship would develop after they had sex for the first time.

It could have quite possibly been a combination of all of the above. Phayu seems like the type to be fully invested in a long term relationship and he seems like someone who loves deeply so I think him testing Rain was him just trying to ensure that Rain was worth the investment before he got too attached.

(10) PHAYU THE SCULPTOR ; HIS OBSESSION WITH POTENTIAL AND MOULDING THINGS TO HIS LIKING 

“Rain before you design a house you need to design your life first”- Phayu

I get the impression that Phayu’s view on life is that everything can be curated and tailored to his liking if he tries hard enough. He’s definitely not a go with the flow kind of person. Every single move he makes is intentional. Looking at his two professions being an architect and his side of job of being a mechanic; these are two things that require moulding, precision.

Architects are able to create and design and bring their vision to life and make it tangible. It’s a very creative profession with the added bonus of having something you designed realised in real life.

Also mechanics are constantly tinkering with engines and in control of powerful machinery. Whether they work on maintenance, diagnostics, or repairs, they have to perform those tasks with exacting detail. That is because this careful work on important vehicle components could save someone’s life.

This speaks to Phayu’s pedantic nature with the added element of not wanting to deal with the consequences of disappointing Pakin. These machines are kind of like a puzzle to be solved.

But the catch is those things aren’t really his and they don’t truly belong to him.

In Episode 3 we can infer that sometimes clients may criticize his designs and he has to mould it to their liking instead of relying on his own vision.

In Episode 1 Prapai tells him your babies are so beautiful (referring to the motorcycles) but Phayu corrects him and says that they don’t belong to him.

But I think that although he doesn’t own these things and that he may be required to tailor the design of a house to someone else’s liking still these tasks scratch his itch for moulding and creating.

Then *enter stage left* a wild Rain appears, a blank canvas unmarred by past sexual or romantic experience. He has no expectations and no idea how anything works so he’s able to become a sort of pliable clay that Phayu can use his deft fingers to mold to his liking consequently making Rain his.

We can are shown how their relationship is mutually beneficial and how it works for them. Different folks have different strokes.

The glint in his eyes and the way Phayu all but shivers in excitement every time Rain tells him he can’t do something. 

Episode 4 – "I’ll teach you"

Episode 6- "I'll train you to be the best rider"

In the infamous Daddy scene in the special episode he says "When I teach I teach to the core" 

It’s not explicitly stated but I’m sure this man got off constantly at the fact that he was Rain’s first everything when it came to sex and romance and he is constantly in charge of moulding him.

We can definitely see how much of a diligent student and quick learner Rain is and how Phayu is consequently able to enjoy the fruits of his labour. (SIDE NOTE: I’m sure Phayu wasn’t prepared for the monster he created in Rain.)

I love the reciprocity in their relationship as Phayu shows Rain just how desired he is and worships him constantly.

(11) WHY HE WAS DEFINITELY A KID WHO HATED SHARING HIS TOYS 

Phayu strikes me as a man who knows exactly what he wants and  how to obtain it and when he finds it he will hold on to it and never let it go. We are given countless examples of Phayu’s blatant possessiveness over Rain once they begin their unorthodox courtship.

When after their first time Phayu says to Rain that he must repeat the phrase “Rain belongs to P’Phayu.”back to him.

This man heard that Pun was in Rain’s general vicinity and immediately drove to him to stake his claim. Also when he admits to being “insanely jealous” of Pun ever since he heard that Rain used to have a romantic interest in her.

He removes Saifah’s hand from Rain’s shoulder in Episode 4 and tells him to get back to work after Saifah suggests that he could teach Rain how to ride a super bike.

I do think this possessiveness is also in part because Phayu realises how much of a rare find Rain is and he will do everything in his power to ensure that they stay together forever. I also think in contrast, Rain’s possessiveness has more to do with him constantly having to fight off potential suitors because everyone is in love with Phayu (well the idea of him). 

I appreciate however that his possessiveness isn’t portrayed as particularly toxic because in episode 5 when Phayu is having lunch with Sky and Rain and Rain tells Sky he loves him after he told him that Phayu and him were dating.

Instead of getting unreasonable jealous of Rain and Sky’s obviously platonic relationship, Phayu simply says that he has no reason to be jealous because he knows that Sky and Rain are just friends.

I think if they ever decided on venturing out and engaging in a threesome it would 100% be Rain’s idea in order to satiate his own curiosity. Phayu would go along with it (ever indulgent of his sweet boy) but he would probably have to be in control the entire time while simultaneously barking orders at the third party about how to pleasure Rain properly.

(12) THE SADISTIC  LITTLE SHIT (AFFECTIONATE) AND HIS “DEK NGO”  "DEK NARAK"

I know PhayuRain and their kink list is longer than the elevator ride to hell but I’m going to focus on what in my opinion is Phayu’s poison of choice. That is sadism and degradation.

More specifically emotional and psychological sadism mostly. I don’t think he’s particularly opposed to physical sadism though. In the special episode he said he punished Rain until he was sore but Rain liked it. Although this is vague and he could have been sore for different reasons we see in Episode 2 when Phayu is berating Rain for breaking into the illegal race that isn’t above spanking Rain.

I don’t really know for sure if Rain is a masochist though I think he is definitely willing to try things with Phayu but he didn’t really seem to enjoy the spanking but I guess that was mostly because they didn’t know each other that well.

So I think while Phayu is mainly an emotional sadist and he prefers it he partakes in physical sadism with Rain because I think Rain would prefer that more based on his personality. This is mainly because of his obvious praise kink.

(CC: Rain’s blissed out expression when Phayu whispered “keng mak” i.e. “Good job” in his ear in the bathroom stall scene after Rain had followed his instructions.)

So the degradation that comes along with emotional sadism may not be Rain’s cup of tea.

After the incident in Episode 3 where Phayu told Rain to change ‘ngo’ to ‘narak’ ; I think he realised how insecure Rain was about being called stupid and that this was a hard limit for Rain. We can see as the story progress after this incident where Phayu either calls him “naughty boy” or some version of good boy.

I do think that this is an example of how Phayu is willing to tailor and transform his kinks and compromise to ensure that Rain is comfortable. He realised that Rain responds far better to praise and made the necessary adjustments.

We also see Phayu’s penchant for degradation and humiliation in  Episode 3 where he buys Rain extra small underwear. Although they were the correct size for Rain, Phayu had to throw  in a little dick size shaming for his own amusement. The smug little smile after he riles Rain up about this speaks for itself. 

However I wanted to fight him when he made my baby Rain cry in episode 5 after he made Rain think that he didn’t want to be with him anymore. Although I kind of feel like this was sort of more punishment for the fact that Rain ran off after their first time in Episode 4 and made him worry. I guess it’s safe to add dacryphilia to their long ass kink list. Phayu you sadistic little shit. 

If we also listen to the words of Phayu in his little speech before they make out in episode 5, I swear the only thing missing from this was Phayu getting down on one knee and proposing to Rain. 

He says:

We can see that he enjoys this and gets off on being the one to tease and degrade Rain. He knows Rain’s limits and he ensures that he follows up any degradation with praise as a  salve to any open wounds he’s caused with his words. I think Rain eventually adapts to this part of Phayu however because in Episode 7 he tells Phayu that he is willing to let Phayu tease him forever. 

I love how they are both willing to adapt and compromise to better serve each other’s needs. Phayu constantly keeps Rain off kilter constantly guessing, constantly teasing him but at the same time he ensures that Rain understands that Phayu loves him and he is valued.

Phayu is constantly and reflexively adjusting himself to meet Rain's needs from moment to moment and I applaud him for it. Good job Daddy you get a gold star for all your hard work.

(13) PHAYU THE INVENTOR OF HEALTHY COMMUNICATION

This definitely has to be one of my favourite things about Phayu. I’m sure Rain isn’t the first person Phayu has attempted to have some sort of D/s relationship with and at the core of this is communication, consent and boundaries. 

D/s relationships especially 24/7 ones involve copious amounts of consent and negotiation and communication but I know that the show couldn’t necessarily explicitly address the fact that they are in a 24/7 D/s relationship so we don’t get any sit down moments where Phayu and Rain discuss it blatantly. However I would assume that at some point Phayu sat Rain down and explained to him what their dynamic is and what was expected of him.

We definitely see how much Phayu values communication in the Special Episode when Rain misreads a situation. Where he sees Phayu talking to Natsu on the couch in Phayu’s home. I mean to be fair sparks were flying between them. I don’t know  if that was just a Boss thing because good God this man can generate sexual tension with a  wall. (Went off on a tangent there moving on back to communication.)

I think that Phayu understands that Rain has a sort of inferiority complex that is made worse by people being constantly baffled as to how Rain ended up with a guy like Phayu. Rain also most likely due to immaturity and lack of life experience has a problem with communication and conflict resolution. 

Phayu has to drag the confession out of Rain about why he’s upset with him. We see where this man has quite literally done nothing wrong yet still he gets on his knees to apologise and tries to make it up to Rain. 

I love that Phayu possesses the maturity to  never allow misunderstandings to remain unaddressed and fester. Although Rain may lack the maturity to speak up and directly tell Phayu what is bothering him in any given situation, Phayu ensures that they talk it out so that their conflicts do not go unresolved and that resentment does not have the opportunity to set in. 

(14) PHAYU SEX & SEXUALITY 

Phayu is an unapologetically shameless and sexual person. This comfortability in his sexuality and his lack of preoccupation with other people's opinion of him allows him to exude a calm self assurance and striking sex appeal subconsciously. 

This comfortability with his own sexuality was displayed many times throughout the series. In Episode 3 when that are at the porridge shop and Phayu goads Rain into being unashamed of the fact that they were in public and on a date with each other.

In Episode 5 after Rain told Sky that he was dating Phayu he said he was happy that Rain told his best friend about them because he understands that he would be apprehensive in case Sky would start to see him differently. I like that he lets Rain come out on his own time and he doesn’t rush him. Lastly in Episode 6 Phayu proudly introduces Rain as his boyfriend to P’ Chai at the street race. 

Phayu is a readymade character who has presumably gone through the stage in his life where he would have explored his sexuality and unusual proclivities and has come to the point of acceptance. I think that is why he is portrayed as someone who knows exactly what he likes and enjoys and is unashamed of it.

This is why he seems to be such a safe place for Rain to explore the full spectrum of his own sexuality.  There is never any judgement in Phayu's eyes when they uncover another one of Rain’s off the walls kinks. We just see at most a sort of mild amusement and an instant willingness to acquiesce and indulge Rain.

Phayu being out and proud made Rain feel like it was ok to have these feelings so his apprehension about identifying as such quickly dissipated.He’s constantly willing to teach, indulge and hold Rain’s hand through this journey and I just think that’s so neat. 

Everyone deserves to have a safe place like Phayu when dipping their toes in and navigating the troubled unpredictable waters of sex and sexuality especially when coming to terms with their own queerness. 

WHAT IS PHAYU’S MAIN MOTIVATION THAT UNDERSCORES EVERYTHING SINGLE ACTION THAT HE TAKES?

The simple answer to this is control. This is important because I don’t see Phayu as someone who particularly chases after power but control? Yes most definitely.Power is the ability to make something happen. Control is the ability to make something happen the way you want. We are all created differently but Phayu needs control at all times in the same way we need oxygen to survive. It’s just the way his wires were crossed. 

Phayu could have easily just admitted to Rain on their first meeting that he remembered him and he could have left it to chance how their encounter would have gone. He could have also gone through the Prapaiesque route and  just pursued Rain himself. 

But he was different; he made sure that he was in control of  their dynamic from the very beginning. The aforementioned options left far too many variables that could have thrown a wrench in Phayu’s end game which was getting Rain. 

He even somehow managed to get Rain to pursue him and have him think that it was his idea. Even though he was the one who liked Rain from the very beginning.

This desperate all-consuming need to be in control at all times is tempered by Phayu’s ability to adequately shoulder the responsibility that comes with that control. Everything he does is calculated. There is always an end goal. Consequently he thrives and is most content when he has someone like Rain to be in charge of in a sense.

The contentment and ease that seems to overtake Phayu when he and Rain are in an established relationship is a sight to see. He’s no longer untethered; he's firm and grounded.

CHARACTER’S RELATIONSHIP TO THE PLOT

There isn’t too much angst and the denouement/final conflict just concerns external factors and has nothing to do with Phayu Rain’s romantic relationship

The plot is just romance; from the meet cute in the rain to the established relationship. I love how we just felt like we were along for the ride to watch two men fall irrevocably in love with each other and fit together perfectly like puzzle pieces.

CHARACTER’S GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT THROUGHOUT THE SERIES

I’m going to be honest I don’t think there was much life altering character growth with Phayu. When we meet Phayu he seems like a fully fleshed out character who knows what he wants and isn’t ashamed of his proclivities and sexuality so there is no room to explore there or for any consequent development. Phayu is a static character with no change in behaviour, and his values and attitudes remain pretty consistent throughout the entirety of the text and the series. 

I don’t think I’m getting over PhayuRain anytime soon. If you got all the way to the end I hope you enjoyed my ramblings. Let me know if you guys have anything to add. The plot as well as the characters in this show were a far cry from perfect but I keep coming back to it so they must have done something right. 

#phayurain #phayu lita #love in the air the series #boss chaikamon #phayu #payurain #noeul nuttarat #phayu love in the air #rain lita #phayu x rain #I’m obsessed with this man #it’s very unhealthy #makes constant grabby hands at his gender #Phayu’s my ideal gender presentation #he’s chaos incarnate and I just want to keep him in my pocket

[nrdmssgs]

Alex Keller being readers gym buddy (scenario)

Masterlist

I have this feeling, he would be so good at that with his caring nature. Thought of something sweet for our golden boy.

Alex doesn't understand, why do you keep finding reasons to NOT join him at the gym.

Because you are always so lively, energetic, you absolutely live for long hikes, you can cycle for a good half a day through the fields and parks in good weather, and that time when you two got out to the lake... He had to pull you out of the water almost by force in the evening - you liked swimming so much, you seemed to decide to stay in water for the rest of your life.

In a word, you have always been active, on the move. But when the conversation went back to going to a gym together, you shied away.

Alex repeatedly listed the advantages of this idea. "It will be fun, you will have an additional incentive to go to bed on time, and after a workout you will feel like a new person!"

"And I'll be able to see you every week," this he doesn't say out loud.

You sigh heavily. "I don't even know, Alex." You went through this conversation many times, but this time he uses an absolute sucker punch.

He lowers his head, looks up at you and listens to your ridiculous excuses with a sad but humble face.

Those puppy eyes can make you do anything. This is not even a grimace, he doesn't do that intentionally. It's just the way his expression work: it's all very soft and subtle. But it makes you weak.

You pause and exhale. "Ok, I'll come. But don't say I haven't warned you, I'm no fun to be training with..."

He smiles sincerely, and you just wonder if he really doesn't see how easily he controls you with just his gaze. Those damn beautiful blue eyes with a mesmerizing darker border. As if he wasn't already perfect, he just had to get such a powerful people control lever, goddammit...

To be honest, you were just worried that you would make his workouts a lot more boring.

He was a soldier, a true hard ass warrior. And had quite a body. You understood pretty well, that even one tenth of his regular workout would very likely make you pass out.

And there were you, a silly happy noodle, who was capable only of (gladly) dying in his hands after the very first exercise.

So on the very first morning, when he met you at the front door of your house and almost took you by the hand to the gym, you immediately confess to him. "I have no idea how to exercise properly."

"We'll figure out your exercises, no worries," he is so determined and happy, nothing seems able to distract him right now.

In the gym, at first, he does not leave you even for 5 minutes. He shows you different exercises, explains how everything here works.

You desperately try to repeat each exercise as many times as he advises. At some point, Alex notices that you are completely out of breath, your face is red, and your hands are trembling.

"Hey stop, stop!" He appears behind your back in the very next second. "You need a breather." Alex makes you sit down on the bench and gives you a bottle of water. "Seems like we have a little overachiever here, am I right?"

You shake your head, trying to catch your breath. You are just trying so very hard to not be an embarrassment to him here.

He looks at you so attentively, his eyes are incredibly caring, it's hard for you to just relax and drink your water. And when he brushes a lock of hair out of your face, you understand, that you'll never calm down your pulse.

"Hey, why do you think, we are here? I mean, what's your goal?" His voice is soft and kind.

"I don't even know..." You point uncertainly at your torso and hips. "To get this in shape?"

He looks at you confused for a few seconds, then starts speaking seriously. "This all is ideal. Just the way It's supposed to be. There is nothing to get in shape in you." He notices, how you roll your eyes, and takes your hand.

"I meant it. Look at me. I mean it. I'm serious. I don't want you to come here to despise your body, to torture yourself. A little challenge is always good, but I don't want you to start hating it here. So how about we just... have fun here? How about you love your body for what it's capable of and not hate it for not being in some mythical shape?"

As much as you understand and approve everything, he's talking about, you still feel like a burden, like a newborn kitten, trying to run along with a cheetah.

So when you express your doubts, Alex makes it his personal mission to help you feel better about yourself while exercising.

He turns into the most caring and patient personal coach. Calmly explains and shows each exercise, praises you for everything, even for the fact that you realize that you are tired and stop the exercise a little earlier.

"It's okay. It's not a problem, it's an opportunity for growth." He smiles and gives you water.

Staying hydrated is perhaps the only thing with which Alex is strict and unforgiving. Hydration is the key, and he keeps an eye on your bottle constantly. Yes, you must drink a lot.

He remembers the exercises, that were the most difficult for you, and especially praises you for doing them. "Now let's do this exercise, which you always do so well!"

If the circumstances allow it, Alex stands behind you and blows softly on your neck and shoulders to cool you down as you are working out.

As an absolute gentleman, doesn't let the slightest drop of hunger slipping into his gaze, as he watches you working out. Neither is he blind, nor a saint, but he keeps his deepest fantasies and intentions strictly to himself until he is 100% sure, It's ok to share them with you.

That be said, there are some death glares here and there, when he sees someone approaching you and making you uncomfortable. But he keeps it quite and places himself behind you in such moments to not scare you.

Tactfully, "doesn't notice" when you stare at him working out for a little too long. Secretly thrives on such moments.

Overall, Alex is just on top of the world since you two started seeing each other more often, and he could help you find more confidence and love of your body.

#cod #cod modern warfare #cod mw2 #cod x reader #cod mv2 #cod mwii #call of duty alex #call of duty mw2 #call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #cod fanfic #cod alex #alex keller x reader #alex keller cod #alex keller scenarios #alex keller #alex keller x you #alex keller headcanons #cod headcanons #cod scenario

[mindfulstudyquest]

❥﹒♡﹒☕﹒ 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗶 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗿𝗰𝗵𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲

𝟭. quantity over quality ( 🌿 )

if you've landed on this profile, you're probably an academic overachiever, or a control freak, or both. i know the feeling of wanting to do everything perfectly, but we are simply human, and it is not possible to be good at everything right away. your first projects, your first models, will not be excellent, you will end up redoing the same drawings over and over again, but there is no point in wasting time redoing the same axonometry ten times until it is perfect. go ahead, experiment, you will improve visibly. i look at the differences between my works six months later and i am amazed at how much i have improved in such a short time. you will too. don't be afraid to make mistakes, ever.

𝟮. architecture is not study, it is life ( 🪸 )

sure, we go to university, we take exams, but you don't study real architecture at school. your professors can only give you the foundations on which to build your future, the technical standards, advice, laws, but if you really want to know architecture you have to read, learn, explore, in the most disparate fields possible. architecture is not art, not really, architecture is a home, it is life, as such, it must be lived. you will never design something meaningful if you don't know how to live.

𝟯. be humble, you're young ( 🐢 )

you will study architecture for the rest of your life. you'll never stop learning new things about it, and that's awesome. don't rely too much on one person's point of view, no matter how cultured they may be, they will never know every single aspect of architecture, and neither will you. all you have to do is build your vision based on your studies and experiences. you will probably change your mind many times, you will probably fall into wrong beliefs, you will discover new things every day, you will only stop learning when you die.

𝟰. you don't have to be good at drawing ( ✏️ )

it is certainly an added value, but it is not a fundamental thing. you will draw little or nothing freehand, most of the drawings will be purely technical and almost all digital. you don't need to know how to draw on a program like AutoCAD, but i can assure you that you will lose sleep over the floor plans of your projects.

𝟱. prioritize practical projects ( ☕ )

concentrate on the models and drawings you have to turn in, i assure you that they take up much more of your time than they seem. always plan ahead when making a project (an unexpected event can always happen) and NEVER print on the day of the exam.

𝟲. be kind to yourself ( 🪻 )

everyone has their own time to improve. i chose to study architecture at the last minute and before starting university i was so scared by the idea of being surrounded by people much better than me who had probably been studying the subject for years and had always dreamed of becoming architects. it doesn't mean anything. if you have the right determination it will take you very little time to make great improvements, no one is your competition, your only opponent is yesterday's you, the only thing in front of you is the finish line. maybe you're the next renzo piano and you don't know it yet.

#academia #college #education #note taking #school #student #study aesthetic #study blog #study inspiration #study motivation #study notes #study tips #studyblr #studyinspo #studyspo #architecture #architecture student #architecture studyblr #architecture school #architecture sketch #university life #univeristy #uni life #university #things i wanted to know

[axailslink]

Stay the night

Riri Williams x poc FEM reader

SongFic: Stay the night by the Internet

Summary: Riri has been eyeing you up and down since she got to the party she's not a patient person so she shoots her shot and you encourage her as you invite her over to your place.

Riri is enjoying her drink as she watches you dance against your guy friend she's been trying to suss you out all night does she like girls? Would she even be interested? She won't know if she doesn't try so she approaches you all smooth and calm and your friend whispers in your ear "bitch she is checking you out" you laugh and shake your head "shut up I'm freaking out here" you smile at her and she smiles in return "what's your name?" You look her up and down "why are you worried about who I am Riri? You need no introduction" she nods "well everybody knows me but I want to know you." You smile and look back at your friend and Riri remembers the initial question she has to ask before she even tries to flirt "is he your boyfriend?" You widen your eyes you don't know if you're hurt or confused "I look like I like boys?" Riri bursts into laughter as your friend throws himself at the wall and covers his face trying to suppress his own laughter. "I'm being so for real...I look like I like boys?" She laughs and shakes her head "I don't really know how to answer that I'm just trying to make sure I'm not climbing up the wrong tree." Your interest peaks as you listen to her "you trying to climb up this tree?" She looks you up and down and you hear your friend in your ear again "bitch she tryna climb up the tree" you pat his shoulder "shut up" you return your attention to her and hum "as long as the tree got fruit in it" you laugh and the childish joke it catches you off guard but you love it so not only is she cute she's funny. "Well there's plenty of fruit in this tree" she nods "well can I get your name?" You think about it and your friend pushes you aside "her name is Y/n and she's single and trust me she's interested." Riri laughs as you grab her and pull her away from him "I'm sorry I get shy easily he's used to answering for me." Riri just stares at your little nervous smile and nods.

"How are you getting home tonight?" You look her up and down "why would I tell you that?" She shrugs "maybe I was willing to give you a ride...?" Her comment sounds more like a question than a comment you usually don't go home with strangers but Riri was no stranger everyone knows Riri. "Well miss Williams if you try to kidnap me I won't make it easy" she smiles and you're weak in the knees as she watches every little action of yours "so you'd put up a fight?" You grab her hand and make eye contact with her "only if you want me to." She shakes her head and looks elsewhere trying to avoid your gaze "you looking at me like that you tryna make me take you home ain't you?" You smile and shrug "only if you stay the night." You're not the random hookup girl but she ain't gotta know that. You get her caught in the web now she ain't gone want to leave. She fiddles with her keys in her pocket "I have an assignment due tomorrow" you sigh "miss Williams always the overachiever stay out with me tonight please?" She smiles and you can already tell what she's going to say "stay with you tonight?" You nod as you get closer to her so close you could kiss but you won't not yet. She's not getting a kiss not that easy. She's fine but she ain't that damn fine she has to work for it just like everyone else. You can feel her gaze dropping to your lips as she leans closer "mhm you could stay with me tonight. I'll keep you warm it's dangerous in these streets with all the hero and vigilante shit." She nods and hums as she lets her hand reach up for your face but you grab her neck before she grabs yours "say yes please say yes." Her hand drops and she nods as she bites her bottom lip. You're keeping it cool on the outside although on the inside you're screaming your apartment isn't clean your bedrooms fine but fuck the livingroom is not at all clean. You smile at her and pull away she laughs when you don't kiss her with all that built up tension she was expecting it. When you pull away you gently caress her hand not letting go "you like Chinese food?" She laughs and nods "yeah I like Chinese food" you smile "cool" you quickly pull out your phone and text your best friend.

You know I love you right?

Oh good God you slut what are you up to?

She kept looking at me like she wanted to eat me (and I'm sure she does) I'll give you forty dollars if you go clean the living room of my apartment.

You don't get a reply so you know that's an absolute yes without hesitation you call the Chinese place and order as Riri is just still looking at you admiring you. "Okay so you gone drive me home or we going to pick up the Chinese first?" Riri smiles "whatever you want" she could not say that right now because what you want was not to be in the front seat of her car but in the back fogging up the windows. "Whatever I want?" She smiles again and you put your hand in her pocket fiddling with her keys "let me drive the red car that's yours right?" She nods "I just got it fixed you cute but you ain't that cute" you laugh and let your hand drop. "Let's go."

A/n: was scrolling through lesbian TikTok and this inspired this fic so enjoy.

#WHERE ARE THE RIRI FICS #send riri williams requests #riri my love #riri is my gf #riri williams imagine #riri williams x black!reader #riri williams black panther #riri williams x reader #riri williams #riri x fem reader #riri x black!reader #riri x reader #black panther imagine #black panther fics #riri black panther #black panther wakanda forever #black panther x reader #black panther #dominique thorne riri williams #dominique thorne #riri williams x black!fem!reader #riri williams x fem!reader #riri williams fluff #mcu riri williams #riri williams x woc!reader #azail is bored #ironheart x reader #ironheart #letitia wright x black!reader #letitia wright shuri

[shiroichiban]

Shiro, I love your angst. May I ask angsty with happy ending with Z? Maybe, smth caused by his fame or- OH! HOW ABT! Reader is also close friends with Robaire. Z and Reader likes each other but have yet to confess. (You see where I’m going?). Z is jealous of Rob but never said anything buy when Z catches Rob on top of Reader (Reader tripped and Rob tried to help. Maybe? Can be smth else), he kinda snapped as in “fuck this. I give up. Aight I’m out”.

Idk rlly, I just love angst with happy ending and you’re the angst provider so I trust you

praise be for the manga has inspired my return (these requests have been sitting here for like a good year i am so sorry 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️, but god this prompt is too good to let sit)

jealous! aaron z x reader headcanons~

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　you are so down bad for z　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

i'd like to say you and z have been dancing around each other for awhile, like deadass doing the viennese waltz around your feelings if you will. (he's too shy to make a move and you're too unsure about his feelings for you despite the very clear affection).

i mean, you can't really blame anyone in this situation because why would you ruin a perfectly good friendship with romance?? you, z, and robaire were essentially THE highschool trio of friends. no matter how iffy the situation got between you three your foundation was rock solid.

with robaire being the overachiever and z being the shy and stoic guy he is, you naturally became the mediator between the two. often telling off robaire for not taking breaks and enjoying himself, and encouraging z to put himself out there more. essentially, getting them to live a little.

you had to admit though you were much closer to z, while robaire had his own things going on that didn't often involve your trio, z was always there in your corner. you are each others' biggest cheerleaders even as adults <33

this closeness slowly blossomed into feelings as you watched z grow from the sidelines...

It was a quiet night in the dance studio, you were helping Aaron film a fun freestyle choreography he had just come up with. Were your arms aching from the various takes you needed to do? Yeah, but for that smile it was well worth it. His expressions were perfect, his movements sharp and well-practiced, to say the least he was in perfect form.

The song ended and the CD stopped echoing from your speakers, you let Z hold his ending pose for a few seconds before stopping the recording. "That time was really good! Just like the last trillion takes~" You teased, already knowing Z was growing embarrassed from the way he pouted at you.

"Yeah, I'm satisfied... Wanna head out for dinner?" He suggested as he jogged over to where you were standing right beside his bag. Grabbing a towel and quickly wiping over his face as well as the back of his neck. "I know it's late so you could stay over tonight..." He added softly, that was the tone Z used whenever he was trying to play off something he really wanted. How could you say no?

"Sure! But you should go change, all the offense when I say you reek of sweat." You giggled to hide the excitement that was bubbling in your stomach. Spending the night at Z's as adults was much more fun than in highschool, the two of you would stay up and drink for a bit before cuddling (platonically!) on the couch to watch movies. "I'll wait out in the hall." You suggested as you began to step out but one muscular arm proceeded to block you—

"I reek huh? Well then, before you go how 'bout I give you a thank you hug~?" Z asked teasingly before quickly grabbing you by the waist.

"Noooo!!" You laughed, "Ugh you nasty!" Quickly writhing out of Z's hold, you jumped out of his arms and bolted for the door. "Just go and change before I drown you in perfume!" You threatened before shutting the door and taking a seat on one of the hallway benches.

You took a few deep breaths before finally letting the warmth spread on your cheeks, god that was embarrassing... You wondered if Z could tell your heart was racing, all of his usual actions have been taking a different effect on you lately and you hated it. Your relationship with him was supposed to be the one steadfast and assured thing in your life, these feelings would only rip that away.

Before you could lament on your feelings too much, another familiar voice called out to you.

"Hey (name)! I didn't know you were here too!" Robaire called out joyfully, carrying a seemingly forgotten shopping bag as he exited the office next to the dance studio. It was weird to admit that you and Robaire drifted after highschool, sure you were still friendly and familiar with each other, but your relationship didn't quite retain the same quality as yours with Z.

Robaire casually took a seat next to you, placing the bag next to him. "It's been awhile since I've seen you alone, usually you and Z are joined at the hip!" He exclaimed as he leaned his back against the wall, a nostalgic smile taking over his features. "Not that that's a bad thing of course. I'm happy you two are still close!" The last part felt... forced. Maybe Robaire lamented letting you drift away to Z's side so easily?

"It's honestly easy to be around him, although he's changed a lot since highschool." You reflected evenly, watching as Robaire exhaled and gently leaned his head on your shoulder. Now this was nostalgic, you remembered the days when Robaire would seek you out to take a break from all the stress and responsibilities he put onto himself. Letting his head rest on you just as it did now as he closed his eyes to let himself have a moment of silence.

Robaire regretted taking on so much at the expense of leaving your relationship in the dust.

"Does that mean... I'm still the same?" Robaire asked, his tone showing genuine curiosity.

You thought about that for a bit, although more mature and knowing how to pace himself a little better now, you couldn't truly pinpoint if Robaire had changed in your eyes or not. "You're still my Bear." You settled on that answer, he retained his dependability and sense of responsibility from when you were teenagers, but you could tell he still craved affection and acknowledgement every now and then. Same old Bear.

"Your Bear huh..."

Even from a distance Z could see the grin forming on Robaire's face from where he stood and he hated it. He felt invisible to the one person who always saw and looked in his direction, and it hurt.

to say the least, z and robaire's relationship was complicated.

they care for each other! they really do it's just...

everyone saw robaire, everyone looked at robaire, from highschool until now he was the one who had everyone's attention and expectations. and yes yours included but you never left z out, you never left him behind.

even when everyone's eyes were on robaire you looked for him, when everyone noticed robaire you made sure to notice him. everyone else could take the backseat when it came to you because you were z's priority. z almost felt bad depending on you this much but you proved time and time again you would be there for him and make him feel worth it, that alone made him so unbelievably happy.

maybe this was some sort of punishment for him being selfish, for him monopolizing your feelings, for him falling in love with you, any other rhyme or reason for the building pit in his stomach his heart named it. he should have expected this, he should have known.

fuck this, he's done. if you wanted robaire and robaire wanted you, he'd let it happen. it's the least he could do after so selfishly keeping you by his side this whole time.

"Welp, that's enough reflecting. Do you need a ride home?" Robaire offered as he detached himself from your shoulder. Ignoring the bubbling feeling in his chest at the expectation of your answer.

"Oh, I'm having dinner with Aaron actually..." You rejected politely, you could see his green eyes falter slightly before quickly returning to normal as he nodded. Standing up from the bench, he grabbed the forgotten shopping bag then turned back to face you, "We should hang out again sometime, us three. I miss you guys y'know?"

At that you smiled, the thought of rekindling your friendship with Robaire was nice. "Definitely." You replied, waving him off before standing up, now how long does it take to change a damn shirt? Z loved complaining when you took a while to change but he sure was taking his sweet time.

You walked down the hallway back to the dance studio, your footsteps echoing as the lightbulbs blinked above you. Was their agency... always this creepy at night? Now you were a bit scared. "Z?" You called out as you saw a tall figure in the hallway, "There you are!"

Sighing in relief you ran towards Z, your friend's back was turned to you however even in the darkness of the dimly lit hallway you recognized the same old worn out t-shirt he liked to wear in his down time. You got it for him on his birthday after all. "I was worried you left me there for a minute!" You laughed as you went to grab his hand, but surprisingly he pulled away.

"What happened to Robaire?" He asked, with a tone of voice... You hadn't heard him use that in a long time, monotone yet polite, one he only ever pulled out when talking with strangers. "I thought you were gonna go home with him instead." His back was still turned to you, he was refusing to look at you? Why...

"Are you okay?" Was your first instinct to ask, grabbing his wrist and pulling him closer to you. Trying to grab ahold of the situation, "Where did all these Robaire questions come from? I thought we were going back to your place?"

When he finally turned around to face you it was with an apathetic expression. After all those years of friendship and learning his expressions you couldn't read him for once. Aaron wouldn't meet your eyes and it hurt.

"We were. Until it seemed like you wanted to go home with him instead." Z grumbled under his breath, his eyes hardening as he tried to pull his arm out of your grasp once more but you wouldn't let him this time.

"Aaron, talk to me. Why are you making these assumptions when I already made plans with you?" You groaned, frustrated, it was as if you had just met all over again and you hated it. "Did I do something wrong? What happened, why are you so upset all of a sudden?!"

"Because I love you even though I know I'm not enough."

That took you aback.

First of all, Aaron loves you?! Second of all, he thinks he's not enough?! Third of all... Actually there is no third of all, you were just gonna get this boy home so you could have a proper heart-to-heart and talk it out.

fast forward to you shoving z into his own car and driving him home, with you literally grabbing onto his hand and dragging him to the vehicle, you had the spare key cause he had no one to give it to so there was no issue getting in.

z was supposed to be the quiet one here, so with you immediately going silent after his (admittedly horrible) confession, he was worried that he had completely ruined the relationship between you two. maybe he was too rough, too stoic to properly convey that he just wanted to see you happy even if it was with robaire... (i mean he definitely was but still!)

so to his surprise, the moment you got to his house you sat his ass down at his coffee table and began heating up leftovers for dinner. anytime he'd awkwardly move from his position in an attempt to help you'd give him the death stare which made him immediately sit back down.

you slammed down two bowls of chinese fried rice and some spring rolls onto the table before sitting across from him, clasping your hands together before seriously looking at him and saying; "Talk. To. Me."

You ate your food morosely across from Aaron as he hesitantly narrated the moment he saw you and Robaire sitting together on the bench. The moment he got to Robaire leaning on your shoulder and calling him ‘your Bear’ and his following thought process you absolutely wanted to face palm. This stupid boy... This stupidly, emotionally repressed boy—

You casually set your bowl aside as you walked over to Aaron, immediately engulfing him in the warmest hug you could muster. Feeling him stiffen before relaxing in your hold as he wrapped his arms around your waist and buried his head into your shoulder. "Oh Aaron, you foolish foolish boy." You chuckled as you nuzzled your face into his hair. "You're so lucky I love you."

The moment he heard that his face shot up, his eyes meeting yours for the first time that night. And slowly you could see him emerge, your Aaron, as tears built up in his eyes at hearing you loved him too. "R-really...?" He whispered, you could practically feel the longing in his voice hoping that what you just said was true.

"After all those years of being your friend have I ever lied to you? Even once?" You asked gently, cupping his cheek in the palm of your hand as he sniffled, feeling the warmth spread across his cheeks that inevitably mixed with the tears that started falling from his eyes.

"I'm s-sorry... For bein' mean to you..." He tried to sob as quietly as he could but at this point Z just couldn't hold back anymore. "I love you... so so so much it hurts." You brought your friend back into your embrace and sighed softly, pressing a kiss to his hair as he buried himself into your chest asking for forgiveness.

"I'm sorry too." You apologized, "God do you know how long I've been pining for you? I was just too cowardly, I didn't want to ruin what we already had."

"We're both cowards I guess..." Z sniffled one last time before chuckling. More of in relief that you seemed to forgive him and the fact that he didn't fuck everything up with his outburst.

"Pff, yeah." You agreed and gently took Aaron's face into your hands, cupping his cheeks in your palms before pressing kisses all over his face. "But really though, I love you. I love you Aaron." Repeating it twice, properly announcing your feelings in a way that left no doubts or insecurities.

"I love you too (name)..." Aaron grinned before pulling you down on top of him again, kissing you with all of the affection he had held back for so many years.

The two of you did more than cuddle on the couch at the end of the night~

with your relationship solidified you, aaron, and robaire could finally repair the issues that had sprouted between the three of you.

aaron's slight inferiority complex combined with robaire's desire to achieve was definitely a deadly duo to deal with, and you're still working on it to this day. but with you by his side aaron was definitely more self-assured, you gave him the confidence he needed to be more forward about his feelings.

for now, aaron loves you and you love him, that's all that matters.

#4town #4town x reader #4town aaron z #aaron z x reader #request #i am back and holy shit is this long #i didnt even realize how long this ended up being #hi anon sorry for keeping you waiting for like... half a year #4town headcanons #4town fanfic #anyways robaire unrequited love era

[mcflymemes]

NO STRINGS ATTACHED PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue from the 2011 film

i'm warning you. if you take one step closer, i'm never letting you go.

so what's up with not calling me back?

it's perfect. will you read it for me?

did you think we had sex? we did not have sex!

i know it's over.

are you having sex?

that is a terrible, self-destructive plan, and i'm behind you a hundred percent.

when we met, you weren't wearing pants.

can we not tell everyone?

how long have you two been together?

what i need is someone who's gonna be in my bed at 2AM who i don't have to lie to or eat breakfast with.

yup, i'm definitely gay.

look, i'm not really an affectionate person.

go on a date with me.

you are such an overachiever.

look at my face.

we're sex friends. friends with benefits. fuck buddies.

i can't keep doing this. i'm not gonna see you again.

look, i know i'm supposed to want to be in a relationship, but i just end up with a broken heart and a bunch of their old t-shirts.

if we were in a relationship, i would become a weird scary version of myself. my throat starts constricting. the walls start throbbing. it's like a peanut allergy, like an emotional peanut allergy.

hey, someone call charlie brown! we found the great pumpkin!

don't make fun of me!

i'm gonna call everyone in my phone until someone agrees to have sex with me.

i'm pretty good at archery.

let's smoke some weed.

i sprained my wrist punching a wall.

i'm not good at this stuff.

the box of fifty donut holes is $5.79. you're gonna need two boxes.

we fell asleep and we were spooning.

try to stay away from women who want to fuck you.

that was really mean.

don't do that. don't just disappear like that on me.

how much money do you have on you?

do you wanna do this?

well, i can't date you either.

you're very talented, but fuck you!

i guess i wanted to hear your voice.

i want you to know that i respect you.

you shouldn't listen to me.

thank you for what you did back at the restaurant.

do you want to get out of here?

it's not really possible.

you left your socks in my room.

if you're lucky, you're never gonna see me again.

congrats? for what? having sex with you?

i'm so sorry. i love you.

hey, you can't call me and tell me that you miss me.

if you really miss me, you need to grow up and get in your car and come and see me.

people aren't meant to be together forever.

i don't want to freak you out, but i'd love to hang out with you in the daytime sometime.

i thought you just said it.

i'm going to start peeing with the door open. it's going to get weird.

i can't focus on my porn with all this real sex going on around me!

i don't want to have that conversation on the phone.

we don't get to pick who we fall in love with, and it doesn't happen like it should.

we didn't break up. we never started.

you did a good job, so i thought you deserved a balloon.

you make my heart skip a beat.

yeah, i could do that.

can i say something? and don't take this the wrong way because you know i'll be your friend no matter what.

okay, where's that?

oh, by the way, it's the best sex of my life.

are you still there?

i made you a valentine's day card.

i'm assuming that's a good thing.

things were getting too intense so we decided not to see each other until we hook up with other people.

that's really sweet.

you always do this. you always find something wrong with everybody who likes you.

we were spooning with our clothes on which is like. ten times worse.

we are getting laid tonight!

is this about me not having a date?

god, i am single as fuck.

i understand what's going on.

you have to come with me.

i can't stop thinking about them.

this isn't really my place.

i'm telling you to be hurt. i can take it. the world can take it.

sometimes my neck gets sore because my brain is so big.

get in your car and drive away.

i know this is random. i just... um. i miss you. i miss you so much.

i don't know what to say.

you're fucking my ex-girlfriend?

i'm not gonna meet your parents.

don't list me as your emergency contact. i won't come.

you know i worry about you sometimes.

i think monogamy goes against our basic biology.

i just worked fourteen hours.

no one threw up on me today.

that was such a fail on my part.

if i catch you taking pictures of your dick one more time, i'm taking that thing away.

watch and learn.

you want to go with me to this stupid thing?

did i just pass out on your couch?

did you look at it?

oh my god, i love you so much.

#rp starters #rp memes #rp prompt #rp meme #rp musings #roleplay memes #roleplay prompt #roleplay meme #writing prompt #askbox meme #ask memes #rp asks #ask meme #inbox meme #inbox prompts #inbox prompt #rp inbox meme #sentence starter #sentence starters #sentence starter prompt #rp prompts #no strings attached #movies #mcflymemes

[keanureevesisbae]

endeavors #6 - a challenge

Summary: Grace is still looking for a job, but August is right there to make time go by faster.

August Walker x Grace Stanford (asian ofc)

Wordcount: 1.1k

Warning: Usage of sex toys (vibrators, dildo's), female orgasms, overstimulation.

Masterlist // endeavors masterlist

It’s been two weeks and I still haven’t found a job. August tells me that I will find a job eventually. Parts of me believes him, but that is mostly wishful thinking. Sometimes I fear I’m never gonna find one.

However, being out of a job, means more time at home and August knows exactly how to get my mind off things. We’ve fallen into a habit of morning sex, every single time we wake up. Depending on who’s awake first, they walk into the other person’s room, gets rid of their clothes and within ten minutes, we’re already a sweaty and moaning mess.

I can safely say that during the time August and I have been doing this, I’ve been feeling more confident about my body than ever before. Before I would feel this tendency to cover up, to hide myself, but August never lets me. He holds my wrists in hands, pushes them in the mattress and sternly tells me I do not have to hide for him. 

Sometimes I wonder whether or not there is more growing between us, because sex can either be tender or rough. Either way I trust him completely. However I am always quick to push those thoughts aside. August and I are just fuck buddies. 

It’s his day off and August wouldn’t be August if he didn’t have something planned. The planning is totally none of my business, but that doesn’t really matter to me. Instead, I always allow him everything. The word ‘pigeon’ is never used, mostly because he takes his time and it appears he knows my limits better than I know myself.

Never had I expected August to have taken this so seriously.

As I’m preparing coffee, I hear August walk in the kitchen and before I can even say good morning to him, I feel his hand patting my behind. ‘Morning,’ he says. When he senses my lack of reaction because I’m utterly shocked and flabbergasted, he smirks. ‘What? I told you I’m an ass man.’

That’s not why I’m surprised. It’s the whole idea of his hands on my ass and the smacks accompanied by it, that make my feel very giddy inside. 

‘I know,’ I say and while I try to act all coy about it and slightly flirtatious, I know he caught up straight away, making a mental note of it and will use this against me for when the time is near. 

‘I’ve got a plan for you today,’ he says. 

While every cell in my body is trying to fight against it, I can’t and it shows. My entire body is tense and ready for whatever he got planned for me. He must have had a lot of experience with women who are just at the ready for him. 

And that realization always makes me remember the fact that we are just experimenting. Nothing more, nothing less.

‘Okay,’ I say. 

‘So, at around three in the afternoon, I want you out of your clothes on my bed, okay?’

I nod. ‘Okay.’

He walks up to me, smiling and as he kisses my forehead, I feel his hand on my ass and before I can say anything about it, he gives it a firm smack. ‘I can’t wait, Grace.’ 

﹌﹌

Because I am an overachiever and a chronic people pleaser, I’m on the bed at three o’clock sharp, totally naked. He only leaves me waiting for less than a minute, still wearing the outfit for today. The jeans that hug his thighs perfectly, the grey t-shirt. I bite my lip, my core burning with anticipation. He places two dildos on the bed, one a little larger than the other.

I know he bought those by himself, knowing way too well that while I’m becoming more comfortable with my sexuality, sex stores still freak me out. 

His name is already at the tip of my tongue, but I quickly manage to keep it in. August knows I’m desperate for him, needy for him, no need to give him more confirmation this soon.

There are times where he tells me what to do, using his words, sometimes only his hands and sometimes a combination of both. Not today. He grabs my ankles, spreads apart my  legs and without saying a word, he kneels in between them, his lips starts kissing the insides of my thighs.

His tongue slides through my slit, my fingers gently tugging his hair. ‘You taste magnificent,’ he whispers. 

Time goes by and during the entire build up, he has yet to let me cum. Instead, he withdraws his fingers each time I’m even remotely close and kisses my inner thigh, instead of circling his tongue around my clit. 

‘August,’ I whine, ‘please, let me cum.’

He looks up, a smirk ever so wicked on his lips. ‘Be careful what you wish for, Grace,’ he warns me.

August is never too embarrassed to use lube in the bedroom. I once asked someone for a bit of lube and that same guy told me I was broken. The first time August grabbed it, I wanted to say something about how that wasn’t necessary and he sighed, telling me that you can never have too much lube.

And after his preparations, he slides the dildo inside, welcomed a little too eagerly. August once more checks in with me, but when I buck up my hips to him, he chuckles. ‘Eager little slut, aren’t you?’

It’s the first time he said anything like that and I let out a breathy chuckle. ‘Well,’ I whisper, ‘I thought you liked me like that?’

August and I look at each other and when I smile, he lets out a soft little ‘tsk’ before he says: ‘You won’t be such a smiley lady after I’m done with you,’ he says. 

And I just know he’s right.

﹌﹌

Instead of smiling, I’m on the brink of crying of pleasure. Shivering, moaning and withering on the sheets. I’ve reached my high once, twice, thrice. Solely because August drilled that dildo in me and I can say: while I am used to his cock, I will use that thing for masturbational purposes when August isn’t home.

The dildo exits my cunt, dropped somewhere on his bed and he cages me underneath his frame. I’m trying to catch my breath, my legs clenching together.

‘Have I told you you’re a good girl?’

‘No,’ I manage to choke out. ‘You called me a slut.’

His lips are so close and I want to kiss him, however he doesn’t budge and I can barely move in the aftermath of what we did just now.

‘You kinda are,’ he chuckles. ‘You’re my slut though. And… You’re my good girl.’ His tone is low and brass and it sends the necessary shivers down my spice. I involuntarily let out a moan, because that’s what his words do to me. ‘And we’re no where near from done, Grace.’

﹌﹌

endeavors taglist: @diegos-butt // @thelastsock // @liecastillo // @mis-lil-red // @sofiebstar // @abschaffer2 // @crazybutconfidentaf // @summersong69 // @gearhead66 // @xobriellaxo24 // @kebabgirl67 // @eldarwen333 // @kingliam2019 // @cherry-gemz // @sillyrabbit81 // @enchantedbytomandhenry // @lyrarodriguez // @islacharlotte // @sunshine96love // @oddsnendsfanfics // @xuxszx // @omgkatinka // @pterodactylterrace / @peaches1958 // @pandaxnienke // @teamfan7asy // @raccoon-eyed-rebel // @geralts-yenn

#august walker #august walker fanfiction #august walker x ofc #august walker x asian ofc #august walker x grace stanford #august walker smut #henry cavill fandom #henry cavill #asian ofc #grace stanford #endeavors

[tired-reader-writer]

Okay so, ask game incoming.

Character(s) (you can choose one, if you want): Our son Arslan, Give, Isfan or our queen Farangis! (You can also do one of your OCs, if you want ☺️)

Questions: 2, 5, 14 and finally 23 for a wonderful end!

Hope you have a wonderful day!

(I have HARD Azar/Maar/Daryun/ArSen brain rott today... ugh my brain is OVERFLOWING with ideas and scenes!)

(I'm so sorry for the many options I can't decide on characters)

What an ask! Here's the original ask game post for others who might want to participate.

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

Arslan

There's a lot of things I like about him, so much that I struggle to pick a favorite. I think I'll settle on the fact that he remains kind despite everything, where other stories might've made him “disillusioned” and become more ruthless in the name of character development, I am incredibly thankful that it didn't happen to Arslan. He gets to be kind. All the strengths he gains and the growth he goes through happens to support his kindness. Parts of him aren't being taken off, he's becoming stronger so that he could be allowed to continue being kind. And I find that revolutionary especially in a historical fantasy type story like this.

Gieve

The fact that deep down he does want to believe in something good, want there to be something worth believing him. He's grown cynical due to reality but the fact that he does hope even if unbeknownst to himself does something to me. Also, the fact that he's like an onion I guess. He's got them Layers™ and unraveling those layers might or might not make you cry.

Isfan

His absolute earnestness I suppose! He's so eager, he puts 100% into things he does (like, apologizing for not being able to capture that sorcerer despite having reduced that one onto one leg, despite having fought so valiantly? boy's a perfectionist and overachiever). I find it admirable even if I can't relate in matters except art, lol.

Farangis

Her refusal to entertain Gieve's bullshi— okay, that aside, her ability to step back and see the bigger picture instead of being caught up in emotions, and thereby having the ability to gently nudge other people (especially Arslan) back on track. Also her courage because damn is she daring as fuck.

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Arslan

• Kamado Tanjirou no Uta by Nakagawa Nami (more canon leaning)

• Untitled world by ReoNa (more Wolfpack AU leaning)

• Yakudou by Sakamoto Maaya (applies to both but also leans a taaad more towards AU if only because all those bells in the song)

(all three songs included in the playlist!)

(also I know this is technically three songs instead of one but have you considered he is my darling son?)

Gieve

There hasn't really been a song I hard-associate with Gieve just yet, I don't know why but nothing quite hits the sweet spot for me so far. If anyone's got recommendations I'd verily appreciate it!

Alternate joke answer is Yakety Sax.

Isfan

Wolf Blood by Adrian von Ziegler! It's an instrumental with no lyrics but I immediately think of him whenever I listen to it.

Farangis

I think I've said it before but Trøllabundin by Eivør always makes me think of Farangis! To add one more to that, Dance of the Spirit by Kokia.

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

Rather than assign one if the modern aesthetics bc frankly I know nothing about them, I'm just gonna take this opportunity to infodump about my character design choices. Also, my answers will be for Wolfpack AND my character design sheet stuff because why the fuck not.

Arslan

His clothes reflect the most the people around him. He's surrounded by two cultures and he combines them to express himself. In terms of silhouette I tried to make him look Solid. A solid block of friendship LOL.

Gieve

Loose, free, flowy stuff. There's always something flappy hanging from his clothes. Wind is an element I associate with him so yeah! You'll see when my design sheet of him is done.

Isfan

Clothes that fit him very well in terms of tailoring. Rather than the clothes creating a specific silhouette they adhere to the body instead if that makes sense. On the more traditional side of things. Due to geographical proximity, the regional fashion of the Gorgan region is influenced by Turanian (Mongolian) ideas.

Farangis

Flowy, but in a different way from Gieve in that it's much more well put together and tidy. I don't really know how to explain it, but I chose the clothes that I did for Farangis for a reason!

23. Favorite picture of this character?

HOO BOI HERE WE GO.

Arslan

Gieve

Isfan

Farangis

#arslan senki #the heroic legend of arslan #heroic legend of arslan #wolfpack au #winds of wolfsong #arslan #areyan (arslan) #farangis #gieve #isfan #ask game

[riordanness]

hey dear! Can I have ‘When Emma falls in love?’ For Pjo

Hello! Hello! 

Here is my information!

Name: Anna Lee

Pronouns: She/her

Preference: Male

Age range: Any

Personality: I am an INTJ Slytherclaw, Aquarius and a Type 6 when it comes to anagrams. Lawfully Neutral. I am a huge overthinker and stress a lot with anxiety. People tell me that I can be blunt which results in people thinking that I can be cold but in reality I try to be a kind person when it is needed. I am a realist and many consider me to be intelligent, often asking me to help with their work. I’m incredibly passionate about things I like to do and have a thirst to know everyone’s opinions as I feel that if someone is left out. I’m a creative person but sometimes my brain just goes blank, I hate when it does. I have a really dry sense of humour that usually is a mix of sarcasm, fandom jokes or self degrading jokes. I'm an extremely stubborn person and have to be right about everything. From a young age, my parents were extremely strict and had expected the best out of me which resulted in me being an overachiever. I have to get things perfect or be the best at what I’m doing. I'm really sensitive, even some small harsh words are enough to make me teary. I’ve been called a crybaby because of that and to be honest, that is true. I give too much to other people since I’m afraid of saying no since what if they hate me? And I'm too scared to ask for help or to have something cause I think they will think I'm selfish and worthless. Not the best self esteem 😔 I love to listen to other people since I think not a lot of people have others that they can tell what they wish to say without getting judged or outcasted. But the problem is that I judge too easily too. As much as I want to show a good image to others and help them, I tend to focus on my own needs and how everything can affect me for the better or worse. I hate repeating things, especially in front of a big crowd. I daydream too much, my head always in the cloud. When I get excited, I speak really quickly and stumble over my words which I get embarrassed by and stop talking. I have a rosy view of how the world works—or more specifically, of the people I love. Like sometimes I point out the negative things in life but when with other people, especially those I love, I always see the goodness and beauty in everything. I am very sensitive, especially when it comes to my appearance and personality. I’m always afraid that people are constantly judging me or hate me, which is why I tend to avoid public spaces or being around people in general. When I get familiar with someone or a crowd, I’m not that afraid to state my opinion. I get jealous and possessive easily, like I mentioned my parents are strict meaning I got very few things of my own and those things only came to me because I tried so hard to get it. So when I see someone else with it, it just irks me off. I always make plans but I know I’m not going to complete them, I just like to imagine the future if I actually had motivation and energy to accomplish things. I can never start new things while completing old ones. I am also the oldest child and have 4 younger ones, another reason why I stress too much. I don’t think I mentioned this, but I get angry really easily. The slightest mistakes just pisses me off. I suck at short talks and starting conversations, it’s much easier to have lengthier conversations. I can never do presentations, I always get too nervous. Plus, my friends say my voice is really soft so no one ever hears me much, especially since I’m uncomfortable. When I get angry, my judgement is clouded. I am terrible at holding grudges. I would be upset at someone but the second I see them again, I feel normal and happy in a way. Probably said this before, but I’m a huge day dreamer and stubborn. I can’t concentrate on my work because I always get distracted and daydream about things I will never have. I normally appear composed but have a fiery temper. I really want to be a lawyer. My parents never let me use the internet much as a kid so I pretty much live under a rock but I am incredibly book smart. 

Looks: Half-Korean and Half- White. I’m slightly chubby and curvy with a pear-shaped body (Double D cups). Upon seeing me, many people point out my eyes which are hazel with slight flecks of many colours such as green and amber being the prominent ones. Almond eyes that are doe-like and slightly turn up at the end but barely noticeable. I have a button nose and thin heart shaped lips. My face is round and my eye shape is almond. I am approximately 5’3. Two small moles are fixated on my right cheek and underneath my lip. Long dark brown hair that almost appears black but that solely depends on the lighting. My hair reaches my hips and is kinda wispy at the end. It’s usually on a ponytail with a few strands framing my face. My clothing style tends to be anything comfortable and classy. I prefer to wear black and colours that are darker, you will never find me wearing orange or neon colours. 

Likes: Chocolate, Anime, Music, Food, Being right about something, Reading, Drawing, Strawberries, Smell of Rain, Sleeping, Being the Best, Baking and cooking (even tho I’m not that good at it)  Daydreaming, Murder Mysteries, Romance, Long walks, Making Ocs,  Fiction, Name hunting, Suits, Me, Pinterest, Spicy food, Sweets, Lavender and Indicolite, Aesthetics, and Flower Languages.

Dislike: Loud noises, Jerks, Prejudice People, Slow Walkers, People who chew loudly, Getting look down on, Insects, Studying, Fake People, Self-pity, Getting below 90% in a test, Snow, Overlysweet things, Going outside, and the feeling where your brain is blank and can’t tell what you feel like, Doing nothing all day and Tomatoes

Love Language: Physical Touch and Quality Time

Ideal Type: Pretty Eyes. Will always be there for me and not afraid to speak their mind. Honest and loyal. Someone I can call her best friend, I can be weird around them and they won’t mind at all,Yet they would still help me see the light at the end of the tunnel and tell me it’s okay, that everything is gonna be okay. I wouldn’t like ‘innocent’ people nor ‘kind’ people cause I feel like I won’t be able to connect with them based on my morality level. Will be attentive to my needs. Not necessarily loud but not quite, somewhere in between. I want someone who I can feel okay around, as if everything was fine. Someone who would help carry a burden with me, we are together in everything. A type of person who would wait for me when I’m tying my shoelaces. 

Congratulations on the 400!

hii anna lee! tysm for this,, i instantly got my answer who’s i was reading and it’s clear as day to me that your ship is…

you + jason grace !!

you guys totally understand each other, both of you are a little bit too strict with yourselves and are overachieving, but when you’re together you can both take down those walls and just be yourselves. you both have the same kind of dry humour, but can easily switch between jokes and deep discussions. he’s your best friend, but he’s also your confidante. you just get each other. you both have the same love languages and you’re an a soy sucker for his pretty sky blue eyes.

here’s y’all’s playlist,, hope you like it <3

reading and daydreaming with jason grace

[squarebracket-trickster]

Writer Q&A Tag Game

Thank you @sunset-a-story for ALSO tagging me way back in August. I AM SO SORRY

1. What motivates you to write?

It itchy, itchy urge to create something. I NEED it OUT. I MUST make sense of it ALL. The thoughts need ordering and putting together to maximize the happy chemicals. I see something I like that someone else made and I get jealous so I must do something like that, but MY way, and BETTER. It all makes me very itchy (restless).

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

I skimmed my entire 3rd draft (so far) to pick a line. There are a lot of good ones but none I liked more than the rest - I couldn't choose. So... I know I've already shared this one but dammit. It is a kickass line. It's also the first line of WIPVII - and you do not know what devils I sold my soul to to escape THAT writer's block.

I will live, I tell myself through the salt water in my eyes and the sting of the south wind on my face. This will make for a good story one day.

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

Banter and wit. Which is funny because I always thought that was the thing I would struggle most with - I was the academic overachiever who took herself too seriously in school. But when I reread my drafts there is something that makes me laugh in nearly every scene. Most of my highlighted lines are banter or retorts.

6. What do you enjoy most about the Writeblr community?

I love seeing writeblr content on my dash and I looooove getting interactions when I liveblog my writing. It is so nice to be able to share this with people who love it too (rather than inflicting it on my poor irl friends who are not writers). I just love all you Writeblr friends so much!

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

A 2x3.5' and a 3x5.5' whiteboard with a rainbow's worth of whiteboard markers in different thicknesses for brainstorming, family trees, timelines. My sketchbook, a mechanical pencil, and YouTube drawing tutorials for my maps and concept art. MS Word, dark mode, Times New Roman pt 11, with comments enabled for my manuscripts, outlines (bullet points), and worldbuilding notes. Subfolders within subfolders stored on my PC to organize all my Word docs. Two separate USBs which my completed manuscripts are saved to (in case something happens to my computer AND one of the USBs).

I have yet to find any worldbuilding or map making software (and it hasn't been for lack of looking) that gives me enough flexibility. I have yet to find any writing software that has features Word doesn't but that would actually help my process rather than overwhelm me.

I do want to write out a draft of WIPVII by hand at some point (though with my penchant for writing hand cramps this might be doomed). I also want to try an electric typewriter.

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

WIPVII doesn't have very complex worldbuilding (there is no magic and most of it is ripped from real world history) but I do always love it when authors tell us what way the wind is coming, what smells it carries, what the view is in the distance, whose lands those are... that kind of stuff. Really creates a sense of place. I spent a lot of time mapping all this out in my own novel and I am very happy with it! The description feels so rich!

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

Learn more about the craft. Writing is problem solving. If you aren't happy with something figure out why - the mechanics and technique behind writing. If you're still stuck learn even more. There are so many great, free resources on tumblr, youtube, blogs, pinterest (though it is most stolen from tumblr) even twitter and tiktok.

Also, learn how to filter out what advice is helpful now versus what should wait for later so you don't get overwhelmed. If you haven't even written a first draft yet don't bother with pacing, exposition, line editing, or let alone how to query. Just focus on the macro-stuff like plot and character arcs.

Tagging with the lightest brush on the shoulder these nine alleged humans: @cheeto-flavoured-pasta, @alnaperera, @bluberimufim, @daisywords, @boundedsea, @full-on-sam, @writernopal, @ashen-crest, @surroundedbypearls

#wipvii #tag game

[twicearoundthesun]

spies au

[Now]

Tzuyu could hardly breathe. She was doubled over, hands on her knees, gasping for air. The alarms were firing in her head; her legs were going to give out at any moment now.

A water bottle was shoved into her line of sight, and she downed it gratefully before letting herself sink to the ground, sitting on the concrete and still panting.

“You did a good job.”

She looked up at Jihyo, who stood facing the river. Her eyes were on the sky as the sunrise turned it captivating shades of pink that Tzuyu couldn’t focus on for the black entering her vision. The older girl seemed completely unfazed by the miles they’d just run.

“Momo says you’ve been doing good training, too. Fighting.” Jihyo turned and met her eyes with a little smile. “Nayeon’s a little more honest with it, but she thinks you’ve improved a lot.”

She still couldn’t answer, but she shrugged.

“I hope you know we aren’t just training you to make you miserable.. You need to be safe out there. You’re a good kid. We want you to be able to handle yourself.”

Tzuyu nodded again, looking out on the river. She’d been terrified when Jihyo had asked if she’d like to accompany her, but in the end reasoned that if Jihyo was going to kill her it’d probably be in her sleep and not along the Han river, where a number of equally-insane overachievers were also starting their day with a morning run. That, and she hadn’t been outside of the complex in days. If she had to get up before the ass-crack of dawn to touch grass, then so be it.

She hoped she never saw this early again, but she had to admit it was a pretty view.

“Thank you.” She said, finally, as she got her breath back.

Jihyo nodded.

“Once I can… you know, handle myself… Am I…” She trailed off. The question had been on the tip of her tongue for weeks, now. She wasn’t even sure what she hoped the answer was.

“We’ll give it a few more weeks to calm down. We’re running recon on your old bosses constantly to decide the safest path forward.”

“Do you think there will be?” Tzuyu asked. “A safe path forward for me, I mean.”

“A big enough bribe will convince the right people to forget your face, and a threat or two will make sure that doesn’t change. Once it’s resolved, we can relocate you somewhere else in the city and you never have to see me again.” Jihyo chuckled to herself.

Tzuyu’s heart sunk a little. She swallowed.

“I’ll have to find a new place…”

“We’ll help with that.” Jihyo sighed. She still hadn’t looked back. “You’ll have everything you need.”

There were a few seconds of silence. Tzuyu didn’t know how to talk around the knot of disappointment in her throat, not without sounding pathetic.

“Unless, of course, you don’t want that.”

“Hm?”

“I mean, if you want to stay with us. You can.” Jihyo said simply. Then, before Tzuyu could open her mouth to respond. “I’ve noticed you’re really fitting in these days. But you need to know the risks, Tzuyu. Even if you don’t play an active role in our… operations. We deal with incredibly dangerous people. People that wouldn’t think twice about killing us if they got the chance. Us, or anyone associated with us.”

Tzuyu swallowed.

Despite still fearing half of its inhabitants, her time in the complex had her happier than she’d been in a while. There was always a homecooked meal to enjoy or takeout ready to be reheated, and a few smiling faces in the cafeteria. Momo was always encouraging, Nayeon always a familiar kind of stern. Sana was nothing but warm and sweet and afternoons with Chaeyoung were always comfortable.

And there was a certain green-haired computer geek she loved keeping company in the lab. She didn’t think her days would be near as bright without Dahyuns thousand-watt-smile.

She didn’t feel so alone, anymore. And she just didn’t know if she could go back to a dusty, lonely apartment.

“How often do they get the chance?”

“Hm?”

“The people that want to kill you… How often do they, you know, get close?”

Jihyo gave a chuckle. “Not often. Not yet, at least. We have safety nets in place that do a good job. We’re well-hidden, and Mina and Dahyun keep our data pretty scrubbed from anywhere. But we’re no strangers to injury or danger. And there are security protocols you’ll need to follow that are admittedly a little annoying.”

Tzuyu nodded. Jihyo grew quiet as a guy around their age jogged by, but smiled politely when he wished them a good morning. They both stayed quiet for a few seconds after, too.

“Think about it. We’ll be here for you whatever you decide.”  Jihyo said, finally turning to face her. In the morning glow, Tzuyu almost saw kindness in her eyes. It quickly hardened. “But we better get back, now, before it gets too late. Jeongyeon will think I left you in a ditch somewhere.”

She extended a hand, pulling Tzuyu to her feet and dusting her off.

“What do you think? You’ve got another mile in you, right?”

Tzuyu’s eyes widened. Jihyo chuckled.

“I’m kidding. We’re around the corner from the complex.” She laughed, and set off away from the river.

Tzuyu followed her home.

#spies au #i think i havent posted this yet? #jihyo #tzuyu #mentioned datzu

[best--dress]

WIP Wednesday

Thank you always @ileadacharmedlife for tagging me! <3

I've been having an absolute blast working on my fic for @carryon-reverse-bang. I've had very little free time since I started teaching (technically TWO teaching jobs, because I am a chronic overachiever) so it's mostly been getting written in bits and pieces on my 20-minute subway commute. This is one of my fav ways to write, though – it's like a site-specific sprint.

I don't have much I can share without revealing the nature of the AU, but here's a brief Simon-Agatha interaction:

It was the night I’d had two too many shots of tequila; I was feeling brave. I laughed at one of her jokes, held eye contact, and leaned in to kiss her. She literally held her hand up to my face to stop me. (I’ve seen her use that move on a lot of guys by now.) “Simon, I don’t date,” she said. “No?” I said. “No.” “How can someone as gorgeous as you not date?” “It’s not a requirement.” She tucked a bit of hair behind her ear and gazed at me. “I can do whatever I want. And I just don’t have much interest in romantic relationships.” I still didn’t get it. “I don’t get it.” “It’s hard when you know people just like you for your body or the way that you look or whatever.” She took a sip of her drink. “You must know how that is.” I really don’t.

Hellos to @artsyunderstudy, @thewholelemon, @martsonmars, @facewithoutheart & @ileadacharmedlife!

#carry on reverse bang #corb 2023 #wip wednesday #simon snow #agatha wellbelove #the pain of being perceived