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#i know i always portray her as chaotic but she's not stupid
viviannesmonster · 6 months
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THEORY TIME AGAIN
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I feel like no matter what route you do.
Papyrus holds back on you.
Because he wants to be your friend.
And he may hold back on Undyne as well.
Because Sans is the hardest boss in the game and Papyrus is supposed to be 20 times stronger than him.
Yet, he is quite easy to defeat.
And although Undyne says he's "super freaking tough", he may be holding back on her as well because she is his friend.
AND
Another thing I want to point out is that Papyrus isn't an innocent baby.
Papyrus is chaotic and smart, and only sometimes a little stupid.
Like, Papyrus can be a little thick headed at times and say stupid shit. But he's actually pretty fucking smart.
He was able to manipulate Undyne to becoming friends with Frisk, he uses very intelligent language, and he knows a lot of the things he cares about.
Also, Papyrus is unhinged. During the date with Undyne, the dude literally throws himself our the window and Undyne states "he usually sticks the landing" which means this is something he has done before.
Don't ask me to use a better example because there is no better example.
Papyrus isn't a innocent baby.
He's a grown ass skeleton who is chaotic and smart but stupid at the same time.
AND WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT OF PAPYRUS
Please stop portraying Sans as an overprotective brother who gets mad whenever Papyrus gets flirted with or something.
Please.
That's so old.
Papyrus is a grown skeleton and Sans shouldn't give a shit. Even if they live together.
The dude has his own life and Sans shouldn't be so uptight about his brother.
That has just always made me so mad.
Also I think Papyrus should be allowed to swear.
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unhelpfulfemme · 7 months
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Thalias from the Thrawn Ascendancy trilogy is how you do a female character with "traditionally feminine" virtues correctly.
The culture of the Ascendancy involves using young girls - the only Force sensitives their race has, since they all lose their Force sensitivity when they enter puberty - as ship navigators necessary to navigating the chaotic part of space that they live in. These girls are taken from their families at a young age and raised by a series of caregivers, and just like a bunch of plenty of carers IRL a lot of them are dogshit at their job. As someone who's worked similar jobs and watched other people work similar jobs, Timothy Zahn is BRILLIANT at portraying all of this - it gives me feelings like I can't describe. If you've ever seen a mean preschool teacher harranguing their charges or a shitty foster parent who doesn't treat their foster kids as individuals or anyone of the sort, you will feel this in your bones. Zahn goes hard on the "children are people" themes in this trilogy and I love love love this - it really means a lot to me to see a man known for his military and engineering competence porn stuff put so much thought and care into portraying caregiving as the important and complicated task that it is without coming off as sexist or patronizing towards it.
Anyway, Thalias is one such navigator, but even though most of them want nothing to do with the whole trauma-inducing system once they grow out of it, Thalias ends up returning as a caregiver and puts so much effort, compassion and logical thought into it that it makes me cry tears of joy. She draws on her own experiences but is quick to course correct when she realizes that Che'ri's experiences are different from her own (Thalias loved to read as a kid and still finds it comforting, Che'ri hates reading), she treats Che'ri with empathy and gives her as much autonomy and independence as she is allowed to. She uses a scientific method to figure out how the navigator powers work and adjust Che'ri's work routine accordingly - something no one has ever thought to do. She advocates for Che'ri with the rest of the ship's crew. She's amazing, and Zahn also makes sure to show how HARD it can be at times rather than just make her a perfect mind reader who always knows what her charge is thinking and what to say or do.
She's also kinda flawed - she seems to have an unhealthy obsession with Thrawn because he was once nice to her when she was a miserable kid in the throes of the shitty navigator system, and it comes off as kind of weird or cringe at times, and that's a GOOD thing in my book because it makes her character more 3D.
ALSO, the really nice part of it is that these books are filled to the brim with cool female characters that all feel really really different from each other, so Thalias being the nurturing, diplomatic type doesn't feel like Zahn sending some kind of message - the other prominent character is Ar'alani, a clever military woman who's a natural leader, excellent at handling her subordinates and recognizing their talents, excellent at handling politics even though she hates it, excellent at improvising on the fly, and also a kind and loyal friend. A lot of the other soldier or officer types are also women, and Zahn's other works also have a shitton of varied and cool women, so you feel safe in the knowledge that anything Thalias says or does is indicative of Thalias as an individual and not some vague idea of what women are like that the author has.
I also love how her character provides a contrast to all the "necessary evil" and "people are assets"-type thinking that a lot of the Ascendancy's more military types endorse (which make up a large percentage of the main cast, since this is mil scifi after all) - her conversation with Samakro about this is just chef's kiss to me. I feel like it's cool that we get this kind of POV because to me it serves as confirmation that Zahn knows what he's doing here - he's not being a stupid edgelord fanboy in love with the concept of doing shitty things for the greater good, he's just keenly observing how different people approach life and how all of these sorts of thinking are very useful in certain situations and deeply stupid in others. And the topic is treated with zero smugness - I've read things where similar arguments are used as a way of showing how wise and perfect one of the characters is and how stupid the other one is (coughvorkosigansagacough), but here everyone is treated with respect and empathy and consideration.
THALIAS SUPREMACY!!!
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darklinaforever · 1 year
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Daemon as parent :
Many believe that Daemon is portrayed as a bad father because of the deleted scene where he hugs his daughters after Laena's death. And while it was a shitty decision to cut that scene, to say that without it Daemon is portrayed as a bad dad is just plain wrong.
I'm going to split the pear between those who think Daemon is actually a great dad, and others who think he's a crap dad, saying, like Laena:
“He is doing his best. »
Note that in the first place, episode 6 shows us only a tiny and tiny part of the family life that Daemon has led until now. And during the episode, we are clearly shown, as on the side of Rhaenyra, the worst pass of this current life. So judging Daemon's paternity through this brief moment in his life isn't very fair/fair.
Going back to her relationship with her daughters, I think people easily forget that short but very cute scene where we see Daemon teaching Baela the High Valerian, and before she goes to bed, she kisses both her father and her mother. The relationship between Daemon and his daughter Baela therefore seems good, and nothing indicates otherwise.
A little later in the episode, however, we learn that Rhaena, Daemon's second daughter, unlike her sister, has still not seen her dragon egg hatch. The little one therefore seems full of uncertainty, even going so far as to place herself below the other members of her family, judging herself less important because she has no dragon. In that same scene, she also states that Daemon is ignoring her. However, before taking Rhaena's words at face value, it is important to remember that it is very common for a child of this age to feel ignored by a parent, or to think they are less loved than their siblings, especially if the child in question has a particular insecurity. Which, here, is the case for Rhaena.
Another important detail, Laena defends Daemon to her daughter, saying, as I said before, that he does his best.
And I sincerely think it is, otherwise the episode would have shown us Daemon being a horrible father, and probably Laena taking him back on that. However, once again, she defends him instead.
Laena is not a victim. She's a Velaryon. She of Targaryen blood, descends from ancient Valerya and rides Vaghar, the greatest dragon in the world. It's certainly not Daemon who will scare him.
We see that she confronts him on the subjects that bother him. She takes him back to his current state. That he's not himself, that he actually has no interest in Pentos, hides in the books of the library, hardly sleeps anymore, that he lies saying that his brother and his house don't he doesn't miss it. Hell, she even tells him she knows she's not the woman he wanted. (And we all know she knows about Rhaenyra) If Daemon was mistreating Rhaena, as some idiots think since this episode, she definitely would have reprimanded him about it.
Moreover, this discussion between Laena and Daemon takes place after the discussion between Laena and Rhaena. An important detail to note. The little one is full of her father's behavior, Laena defends him and goes to talk to him right after, finally letting us finally understand as a spectator that Daemon is in fact in a very bad situation.
What we see in this episode is actually a brooding, self-exiling Daemon trying to be content with his current life and family, but missing Viserys and more specifically Rhaenyra, which plunges him into an undeniable depression.
He tones down his true nature in an attempt to be happy, but it doesn't work, and gets worse over time. Laena will tell him “The man I married was worth more than that. which shows that their marriage wasn't always like this.
Daemon has always been a chaotic being, having trouble expressing his emotions properly. But with his current state, it's even worse.
I don't think he dislikes Rhaena because she doesn't have a dragon. It's stupid to say that. Viserys doesn't have a dragon either, I remind you, and yet we all know that Daemon undeniably loves his big brother.
But technically, Viserys, in addition to being his older brother, was also his father figure for much of his life. It is therefore normal that Daemon particularly likes him. Although it may also explain Daemon's difficulties with being a father, in addition to his depression. Let's not forget after all that Viserys made mistakes, and wasn't the best father or brother in the world.
Personally, I think Daemon may not really know how to comfort Rhaena about her lack of a dragon, or even how to properly broach this subject. The fact that Baela's egg has hatched presumably allows Daemon to facilitate a connection with his daughter. From what we've seen in the series so far, I think Baela's impulsiveness is the one who looks the most like Daemon, which must have helped a lot in their relationship as well.
But to say he likes Rhaena less than Baela, ignores her or mistreats her because we haven't seen any direct scenes between them is ridiculous.
In episode 8 we see Daemon being affectionate with his son Viserys II, but not really with Aegon III when he introduces them to his brother along with Rhaenyra. Does that mean Daemon likes Aegon III less than Viserys II? Ignore him or mistreat him? I do not think so.
As for Daemon finally not hugging his daughters, I can understand that. In view of his depression presented in the episode, plus the death of Laena, he must have felt lost and confused. Such an event is hard to manage, even more so to explain it to your own children. Also, I don't find that he seems cold with them during this scene, but rather tense, giving the impression of not knowing what to say or do exactly at such a time.
This is not to say that Daemon is ignoring his daughters, which is at odds with the scene where he is seen having the High Valerian study at Baela earlier in Episode 6.
Let's move on to episode 7, where Daemon remains alone during Laena's funeral. At this point, Daemon is still in a depressed state, from which he will only come out at the end of the episode with his marriage to Rhaenyra. That he stays away from his daughters here is not inconsistent if he is still in this negative phase. It would have made sense even if he had taken it upon himself to console them (as he should have been, stupid director) in Episode 6.
Then we have a scene where Daemon tells Viserys that his home is Pentos and HIS children's, showing that he considers and thinks of them both. Not just Baela.
Some might say that was hypocritical, as he eventually decides to stay to be with Rhaenyra. But there is a difference though. Viserys' proposal brings him nothing. Go back to the course and its endless problems? What would that bring to him and his children? Not to mention that Otto is back as a hand, and I doubt Daemon wants to hang out with him, or his kids around. How long can he stay? His next exile? In comparison, Rhaenyra offers him everything he ever wanted. Her to start with. Then a position to assist her and their House. Not to mention a family that will really care about him and make him feel important and exist. There's also living in Dragonstone, the literal birthplace of their House. Daemon would definitely feel at home there, and I'm sure he would love to live there and raise his children there.
For those who criticize that Daemon didn't react to Baela and Rhaena when they were injured, unlike Rhaenyra who rushed to his sons, let me explain my point.
Already, it is important to note that Daemon and Rhaenyra arrive together in the great hall. However, Daemon stays behind, only glancing a little before leaning against the wall, almost as if trying not to be noticed. Besides, apart from Otto, no one seems to have done so. Here I think it's worth remembering that Daemon returned with a half scruffy Rhaenyra from a "night walk". If he had gone to his daughters, as Rhaenyra did to her sons, people, despite the commotion, seeing that they were arriving together would have speculated as to his reasons, especially in view of the state of the clothes. and Rhaenyra's hairstyle. Not to mention that 10 years ago, Rhaenyra and Daemon were at the heart of a huge scandal, accused of being lovers. I clearly think Daemon wanted to avoid drawing attention to them in the first place. After all, they buried Laena just hours ago. Imagine the scandal!
Then, as I said before, Daemon took one look before leaning against the wall to start observing the scene.
I think that by taking a quick look, Daemon must have seen that his daughters were with their grandparents, (more particularly their grandmother Rhaenys) and therefore that they weren't risking anything. In fact, it is even sure, since they were directly in his song of vision if one observes well. What is to be put in context, since the children of Rhaenyra, them, had nobody to supervise them, Laenor (their official father and husband of Rhaenyra) being absent. Logical therefore that Rhaenyra, the only rampart between her children and a possible danger, rushes towards them.
Daemon on the other hand does not have this problem, as his daughters are not alone. I probably think that after seeing where they were, and were fine, Daemon must have wanted to stay in his corner to observe and understand what exactly was going on.
Despite the chaos, the situation is still clear. There was an accident. Aemond has his eye gouged out. Rhaenyra's sons and Daemon's daughters scuffled with him. Here it is important to remember that Daemon is a warrior. So I don't think a fight between kids would freak him out. Even in Episode 8, it doesn't seem to particularly affect him, more like making him laugh. Daemon did not seem to take into account the concept of “gender” so far. If he had had boys I definitely think he would have reacted the same way. Another important element, here are the sons of Rhaenyra and do not have the daughters of Daemon the targets as for the wound of Aemond. This moment is therefore about Rhaenyra. And that, I think Daemon understood perfectly. Clearly, whatever her daughters had in it, they fear nothing because Rhaenyra's sons were with them. So the focus will automatically shift to the boys, already frowned upon for being "bastards", and Daemon wants to see how Rhaenyra will handle it all.
Daemon in this scene stands back, not because he's cold or indifferent but because he probably wants to see the big picture and be able to properly observe it. This is Daemon's chance to see how these people he hasn't seen in 10 years behave. I also suspect that he particularly enjoys the show. After all, Daemon is an agent of chaos, and chaos begets chaos. It's a real chaotic scene that unfolds before Daemon's eyes at this moment. His life having been pretty quiet for the past 10 years, I think a part of him must have loved seeing that.
Episode 8 now, which should bury once and for all the idea that Daemon is a bad father.
Already, we can see that Daemon is clearly out of her depression, happy for 6 years with Rhaenyra in Dragonstone. This can be seen just with his first scene where he is very happy to have recovered 3 eggs from Syrax for his 3 children with Rhaenyra, to the point that he repeats “3 eggs” twice. It's adorable, and the first time we've seen him so happy since the start of the series.
During the episode, we can also see Daemon being affectionate with Viserys II, running his hand through his hair, or trying to calm him down with a grimace when he starts crying, frightened by the appearance of Viseyrys I. We also have Daemon beheading Vaemond for (among other things) insulting his step sons Jacaerys, Lucerys and Joeffrey as bastards.
But what about Daemon and his daughters? Already, we have Baela writing to Daemon at the start of the episode warning him of Vaemond's plans for the Lamark claim. Technically it shows Daemon and Baela's relationship isn't bad. (It would have been surprising since she was never shown as such) If so, Baela would have written to Rhaenyra. And if all of their relationships had been bad for the past few years, Baela might not have written to them at all.
As for the character of Rhaena, it's true that we don't see her much during the episode, but from the little that we saw of her, she seemed happy and satisfied with her life, and without any apparent grudge towards her father. . She even sits next to Daemon during dinner. An interesting detail in my opinion, since she wasn't in episode 6, where she felt she was being ignored by her father.
Then we have Daemon coming between Aemond and ALL of his family. Because yes, even if he basically intervened to prevent yet another fight between Lucerys, Jacaerys and Aemond, in the end he is still between Aemond and ALL his family. Not just boys. It's not just Lucerys and Jacaerys behind Daemon, but also Rhaenyra, Rhaena, and Baela. This is important to note, knowing that Aemond becomes the strongest enemy of the opposing camp later and it is Daemon who will face him. So here we have Daemon, placed (as always) as protector of his family. I like this scene all the more that Rhaenyra, while Daemon serves as a shield against Aemond, sends all the children back to their rooms.
It's also interesting to see how Daemyra's children are different from Alicent's. We see that all their children seem happy and fulfilled, unlike those of Alicent who are all in a rather deplorable mental state… This alone proves that they were good parents. Their family seems to be united in the best possible way.
I think this episode for sure breaks the idea, based on episode 6 for some, that Daemon is a bad father when he was at that time in a period of depression without Rhaenyra and his brother. I don't see how people could continue to think/say that at this point. (Although I would still hate that they cut the hug between Daemon and his daughters in episode 6… You morons)
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bluewrite · 10 months
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quick random thoughts no one asked for on “If we were villains”
i finished it. and i have a lot of strong feelings.
so.
SO.
first of all.
THESE MOTHERFUCKING IDIOTS (I LOVE THEM) HAD TO WAIT FOUR FUCKING YEARS BEFORE REALISING THEY'RE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER ????? IT TOOK Y'ALL A WHOLE FUCKING BOOK ? ARE WE FOR REAL ? EVEN FUCKING RICHARD KNEW IT WAY BEFORE YOUR DUMB ARSES DID, C'MON.
and btw when james kisses oliver onstage during king lear and oliver goes like, "he kissed me brotherly" … are you fucking stupid or what. honey darling, you're really testing my patience here. you're making me use bad words.
anyway filippa>>>>>
love her.
also,,,
everyone in there (except for filippa) was fucking impulsive like,,,,, no one ever taught u to maybe think about what the fuck you're going to do before doing it ??? (*coff coff* absolutely not referring to james following a madly drunk and violent richard into the woods all alone *coff coff*).
[okay this was a tad aggressive but, as i said, i have very strong feelings atm and knowing that all of this torture could've have been avoided had only james not followed richard- well.]
and yeah, i cried.
for fucks sake.
i'm unwell.
anyway,,, i have something to say about the other characters as well. so:
wren was literally useless the whole time, if she wasn't there it wouldn't have changed much tbh, apart from oliver believing james was in love with her;
alexander seemed a really good character in the first half then idk, he didnt do much apart from getting high. i still like him tho, he tried his best;
meredith, what can i say. i never particularly liked her. i felt sorry for her cos she was def sexualised but like,,,, i still didnt like her. and the thing between her and oliver,,,, ugh i liked it even less. even when 10yrs later oliver goes to live with her like,,,,,,, idk it didnt sit right with me. nothing about these two sat right with me. i like what she said to oliver when they were off stage during king lear,,,, like, "are you jealous of me or james?" or smt along those lines and it really made me laugh lol, was spot on.
tbh i think the characters were all a bit static but not necessarily in a bad way. like idk,, it felt like they took the roles they were given at the beginning and just stuck with them till the end, much like they did onstage if it makes sense.
[i'm not criticising the way they're portrayed btw lol, it was just an afterthought.]
also,, one thing that's not really my thing was the writing style, with those pompous words and always quoting shakespeare (which,,, i completely understand since it was all about that lol. this book surely wouldn't have been the same and even oliver's character wouldn't have made sense if it wasn't written in this style, but it's just not my thing, it makes it hard for me to follow through sometimes and i mean,,, everytime shakespeare was involved - which was rather often lol - i couldn't understand anything cos,,,,, i don't know shakespeare)
but yeah, apart from that. god. really good. fucking hell. it left me with strong feelings which is all i'm asking from a book tbh.
thanks for coming to my ted talk :)
[once again, these were all texts i sent my bestie as soon as i finished reading it which is why they're messy and chaotic, sorry not sorry]
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lizajane2 · 1 year
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Let me explain why I can't get behind that particular scene with Rhaenyra and Daemon. It has nothing to with me shipping them let's just get that out of the way. It's how he's been portrayed in the last 8 episodes.
Edit: Daemon is only loyal and protective to those who are his family. Rhea wasn’t family in his eyes, she was someone holding him back from who and what he wanted. She was an obstacle he needed to be rid of. He despised her. Anyone who isn’t family to him is an automatic threat. Rhaenyra has never been a threat that is the difference. So for him to even harm her the way he did is stupid and out of character. So, yes, I will stand by the fact that he would never.
(Spoilers below i guess)
He castrated and maimed people in the first episode, he killed his first wife. He left Rhaenyra in a brothel with her pants down what a fucking asshole for that. He beheaded Vaemond in a room full of people. And there's more to come. Reading the book, I never saw his marriage with Rhaenyra as anything more, it was to support her claim. When I noticed the way Matt was portraying his character and how he interacted with Rhaenyra, I saw that he had this sense of familiarity with her. That he truly and deeply cared about her. I saw that the writers (this excludes Sara Hess) were building these characters as two people who found acceptance and understanding in each other. And a love that they couldn't find with anyone else. That's how their relationship came across to me and mainly because of Matt and Millie and Emma. Matt went to them in person to talk about the relationship Daemon and Rhaenyra have. It seemed like he didn't want it to be just a power move and have him use her. That he wanted to give Daemon a little bit of humanity and really love her.
Then there's Viserys, who has always loved Daemon and vice versa. As complicated as it was between them, Daemon was loyal to him through and through, he cared about him. If helping Viserys up those stairs isn't enough to convince you of that I don't know what to tell you (not to mention that scene was improvised). Because it showed that despite Daemon's atrocities, he deeply loves his family. I wished the series had given more examples of that rather than cut them out to paint him as this man who cares for nothing.
Daemon is not only loyal to his family, but he's impulsive, ill-tempered, and chaotic all around. He's the literal personification of chaos. George described him as being both dark and light, that he was feared and loved by many. I will stand by that Daemon all day long. I will defend that Daemon till my last breath. Not whoever that was in the last episode. Not once did I ever have a thought (not even in the book) that he would lay his hands on someone he truly cares about. Especially when the actor has portrayed Daemon who is capable of being tender and vulnerable (look at episode 7 and don't come at me with it's been 10 years he fell out of love with her. No. JUST NO. Because I can't see that not with the way Matt portrayed him or how the writers built their relationship. Or the way Rhaenyra said we were meant to burn together). I can't stand by that particular scene because it's straight up character assassination. You want to paint him as the villain then convince me of that. Don't set him up as someone who Rhaenyra finds safety in and then turn around and snatch that away without reason.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk!
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in-amor-veritas · 11 months
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At one point way back when before s2 and before I was finished with Footprints I had started the idea of a gender swap au. And then I wrote this. Checking the document it says it was created September 24 2022 and I know I’ll never finish this but I kind of just wanted to put it here for fun because I had an idea for a gender swap oneshot (nothing related to this) but enjoy i guess? (Reading through this it was so chaotic who was gender swapped but at the time I wasn’t sure how I wanted to do it and I was just going with the flow.) it’s not that serious anyway 💜 I lovingly referred to this as the “girlfriends au”
She watches as the water drains down the sink, swirls around the marble basin before disappearing from view. It’s transfixing in a way, grounds her and helps her focus on anything but the noise that was waiting for her outside.
Wilhemina looks up at her reflection in the mirror and frowns. Despite her camera ready appearance, there’s always something wrong. Her hair has been styled meticulously, with soft waves that settle on her shoulders, and her makeup has been carefully applied to cover the imperfections of her skin and to bring out her features for the cameras. There’s not anything noticeably wrong in the face that looks back at her, but she sees the flaws all the same.
There's an anxious lurch in her stomach when she thinks about what’s happening in the next few hours. She is being taken from Drottningholm with Minou and whisked off to The Royal Palace in the city where she has to give a speech.
It’s stupid, so stupid because why should she have to say anything? She didn’t even do anything wrong, it’s not her fault that anyone with a phone could take a photo and everyone could get the completely wrong idea.
The headlines come back to her and Wilhelmina needs to take a breath, bracing herself on the edge of the sink.
Party Princess’ Big Night Out
Party Princess Finds New Love Interest During Night Out In Stockholm?
Queen Disappointed at Princess Wilhelmina’s Racy Photos in Södermalm Nightclub
That asshole had grabbed her and kissed her out of nowhere and she was the one who was being portrayed as some kind of wild child in the media. Worse even still, she had to make a public apology for “making the royal house” look bad.
She had gone out with a group of friends from school to a new club in Södermalm and sure she had had a few drinks, but she hadn’t been drunk like the gossip in the media was reporting. That guy had been hanging close to them all night, had tried talking to her multiple times. She didn’t really know how to get him to leave her alone because as a Princess she walked a thin line between what she could freely say and do without causing some sort of incident, but he just hadn’t gotten the hint.
“Hey! get a picture of me with the Princess!”
She remembers his friend whipping out his phone, snapping photos and the guy grabbing her by the arm. She had tried to pull away but he had been drunk and insistent and at one point he had grabbed her by the waist and kissed her out of nowhere.
It hadn’t been a long kiss or particularly scandalous like the papers were reporting, but it was enough for several people to have gotten photos of it and make the rounds on social media.
She hates the picture, hates the way she remembers his clammy hand pulling the fabric of her dress up her thigh. Hates how satisfied he looked afterward. Remembers how he had winked at her and thanked her before he walked off.
And of course her mother the queen had insisted that she address it despite how mortified she was and how it made her feel sick to her stomach to even think about it.
“Princess Wilhelmina? We have to leave now.” She hears Minou’s clipped tone from outside of the bathroom. She swears the woman has gotten worse since getting pregnant, more insistent and constantly lurking behind every corner.
Finally she takes a shaking breath and looks at herself once more in the mirror, frowning deeply.
A sharp rap on the door makes her jump slightly.
“Okay I’m coming!” She tucks her hair behind her ears and grabs her things opening the door.
“We have to be at the palace before 2pm we are already late your highness.'' Minou taps her smartwatch and raises an eyebrow.
“Yes, I’m sorry, let's go.” She feels like her heart is in her throat.
In the car she listens to music, something fast and loud and angry that drowns out the noise and the sudden flurry of cameras and flashes that assault her once they arrive.
Before too long Minou taps on her shoulder and she begrudgingly pulls her headphones off to look over at her.
“Here are the notes for your speech.”
Wilhelmina frowns and takes the papers from her, briefly glances over the royal seal and the contents.
“What? You’re kidding right?” She looks up in bewilderment, eyes wide. “From now on my parents and I have decided that from now on I’m to join Hillerska Boarding school?”
She scans over the paper, completely taken by surprise. They hadn’t even talked to her at all about this, hadn’t even asked for her opinion. “I didn’t have any say in this decision Minou?!”
Minou fixes her with an exasperated look, “Just read what’s on the paper your highness.”
——-
Wilhelmina tries to ignore the flashes of the cameras as they file into the church, Augusta leading the way and her sister behind her. It’s small and stuffy and she feels so stiff and awkward as everyone stands to greet them and watches her with openly curious and intrigued glances.
She feels incredibly self conscious that they are all judging her, making assumptions about who she is and picking apart every tiny detail they can find in her appearance.
When they sit down and watch as the choir files into formation she sees a familiar face join their ranks.
Felix Ehrencrona smiles at her from where he’s standing, giving her a wave and a friendly smile which she returns.
Augusta looks over at her curiously, “You know him?”
“Well sort of. We went to school together, years ago.”
Her cousin's face looks surprised for a moment before it smoothes out into a smirk. “That’s Felix Ehrenchrona. His family is basically modern nobility. He doesn’t know it yet, but I’m going to marry him.”
Erika looks over at her with an amused look, “Oh really now?”
Augusta flips her hair over her shoulder and grins, the expression reminds Wilhelmina of something predatory like a wolf, “Of course. You don’t think I can pull a guy like that?”
The rest of their conversation fades away as Wilhelmina retreats back into herself. She’s never been comfortable with these kind of conversations and she’s never really understood peoples obsession with dating or the opposite sex. Even when her friends would go on and on about which celebrities they liked or who was dating who and who was sleeping with who, she never really got it.
The choir director stood and raises her arms as the music begins.
A voice rings through the quiet of the church, so clear and smooth that it sends chills down the back of her neck. Wilhelmina’s eyes immediately search for the owner of the voice and land on the face of a girl with dark brown curls framing her round face.
Wow.
“Sorry but could you sing a little louder?” An older, blonde behind them interrupts sending a fit of giggles through her friends in the pews.
Wilhelmina sees the way the girl's lips twist into a frown and she feels a deep sense of embarrassment for her. But the girl doesn’t shrivel under their scrutiny, instead she squares her shoulders and Wilhelmina sees how her eyes harden in challenge as she raises her voice.
It’s so beautiful as it rises through the air, as it swells and dips and curves through the melody of the song. She can’t hear anyone but her. She feels herself smiling as she listens, enraptured by the captivating way the light from the windows soften the lines of her face and dip the edges of her hair in shades of amber gold.
Wow.
————-
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checkers-dance · 5 months
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hi bestie ... im having a moment. i miss mx. i want to return to my roots (being insane about them) so ofc i have to go back to making weird aus abt them, thats how it works. so once again im mixing them with another hyperfixation of mine for my amusement, im very normal.
idk how much you know about eah, but it was a sister doll line to monster high that was significantly less successful. the gimmick was to focus on the children of fairy tale creatures instead of monsters. interestingly enough, while mh didnt really have much of a plot outside of the basic premise of "monsters attending high school" eah has a weird amount of lore. the main thing you need to know for most of this to make sense is that the characters are not simply the children of fairy tale creatures, instead they're supposed to become their parents and take their place in their stories, otherwise they will all disappear and essentially die. so the main conflict of the story is "do we follow in our parents footsteps out of fear and social pressure even if it makes us unhappy or do we follow our own desires" ANYWAY I SWEAR I AM ONLY EXPLAINING THIS FOR SOME OF WHAT IM ABT TO SAY TO MAKE SENSE JDNSBDB here is my au.
ch*ngkyun: he is cerise, daughter of little red riding hood. listen. cerise is ch*ngkyuncoded and ch*ngkyun is cerisecoded. she's always portrayed as very withdrawn but not necessarily shy. she's sort of a cool tomboy type. the big plot twist with her is that her father is the wolf, so she's part wolf. which is hilarious but also fits ch*ngkyun. im making him part furry like god intended.
j*oheon: i think he should be lizzie, daughter of the queen of hearts. its so perfect to me. lizzie is really cold and mean, which causes other people to fear her and makes her struggle to connect with people. in reality she only acts like this because she thinks it's what her mother would want her to do. deep down she's really sweet, and just doesn't want people to see past her front.
hy*ngwon: i struggled a little bit with this one but i got it. hes kitty, daughter of the cheshire cat. tbh kitty is exactly what you would expect, she's this trickster type that is always sleeping. i simply think hy*ngwon deserves to cause chaos.
m*nhyuk: he's such an easy choice. he's maddie, daughter of the mad hatter. yes eah character names are STUPID. maddie is also what you would expect, she's hashtag weird and chaotic, but also really empathetic and with a strong sense of justice. she's one of those characters that is happy with her assigned destiny but is willing to give it up if it means others can choose for themselves. i think all of that fits m*nhyuk pretty well.
k*hyun: listen. i have A VISION for him. i want him to be apple, daughter of snow white. so her whole thing is that she's this perfect princess girl who really looks forward to her happy ending and so she tries to push other people into also following their destinies, since she doesn't want them compromising hers. the thing is, despite apple's destiny being perfect on paper, it's canon that she's not romantically interested in the man she's supposed to marry in the future, which has some interesting implications. she's also genuinely nice and caring despite her flaws, and part of what motivates her is that she genuinely believes something bad will happen to them if they don't follow their destinies. and she has this really toxic relationship with her mom bc of all the expectations put on her. so she's MESSY. i think k*hyun deserves to be messy.
sh*wnu: idk why but sh*wnu gives me cedar, daughter of pinocchio vibes. she's very warm and sweet, she's one of those characters that has a lot of empathy for those with less fortunate destinies than she does. her main thing is that she can only say things that are true, so she doesn't have any control over her privacy or others. because of this she likes to paint, since that's a safe way to express herself. again idk WHY she gives me sh*wnu vibes but she does.
and ofc bonus w*nho: he is briar, daughter of sleeping beauty. briar is this extoverted and popular party girl. but she's also weirdly angsty. the main reason she's so outgoing is because she wants to live life to the fullest before being put to sleep 100 years and losing all her friends. i think w*nho deserves to have an existential crisis. briefly considered asigning ashlynn, daughter of cinderella, but i cant do that to him. hes innocent.
OK OK BUT LISTEN, CH*NGKYUN HAS DESCRIBED HIMSELF AS A LONE WOLF BEFORE SO BEING A WOLF FURRY DOES KIND OF FIT. And I can see why u'd associate him w the red riding hood character, Idk how to explain it but he just has the kind of "would wear bright red and get lost in a forest while looking for his grandma" vibe. I'm picturing him wearing one of his love killa outfits (little red riding hood but aged up and growing into a mafia boss career)
I can see j*oheon being a sort of mean girl character, I think he has the acting ability to pull it off. Sometimes in mvs he has this...mean, indifferent face on when he's playing a certain kind of role, and I think that would go rlly well w a pastel princessy aesthetic
HY*NGWON BEING THE CHESHIRE CAT'S CHILD IS SO PERFECT ACTUALLY. I can just imagine him w kitty paws in a purple costume. Also I think he has a cheshire cat smile sometimes. He deserves to cause chaos w j*oheon, they would make such a team. Mean but lonely character x chaotic and slightly evil cat companion
Also I love how we're having such an alice in wonderland theme here 😭😭. I feel like monsta x could do an alice in wonderland concept actually, but like, combined w a bdsm dungeon. Don't ask me how those 2 go together they just do. Anyway I can see m*nhyuk as the mad hatter child, I think he's actually made that comparison himself before. Or he's worn a mad hatter hat before, it's one of those 2
Also I support k*hyun being messy, deserves it. I also can see him in the role of a snow white child, he sometimes has this softcore dignified demeanor and this specific smile that goes w it. I think it would be cute to pair him w m*nhyuk as a treat, there's just smth abt ships that involve characters w opposing views and also w an orderly personality vs a chaotic one
Sh*wnu does kind of have pinocchio vibes 🤔. Like there are all the teddy bear comparisons of course (teddy bears and puppets are both technically dolls), but he also has an honest vibe. Also crying, it's so funny to me that u linked w*nho w someone who goes to sleep for 100 years, which mirrors his exit from the group 😭😭
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aclosetfan · 1 year
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hey! im kinda curious as to what your take on blossoomers dynamic is hsjsjjs
i rlly like ur writing and how u portray the ppg characters from what I’ve seen so I’d just like to properly see what u think of them 😖
sorry if you’ve gotten a question like this before!
It’s nbd! There so few posts about blossom and boomer that even if I had answered a similar question before, who am I to deny someone their rare pair content lolol
I did generally lay out how I interpret the boys and girls relationship here if you’re interested :) there’s also more below the cut!
Tbh Blossom’s one of those characters I have a hard time writing. Honest confession, she has a character personality I usually find boring probably because she reminds me too much of myself 😂 so I’m always trying to find ways to make her more fun for me to write. And when I realized I could do that best not shipping her with brick, I started pairing her with others, like Princess!
I ended up liking her relationship with Boomer more than I thought I would. To me, it doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship, but this duo would be so much fun to see in action.
When I’m pairing Blossom and Boomer together, I characterize Boomer as someone who wants to be respected and treated as a mental equal even though he’s not “traditionally” smart. And I’d believe Blossom would be able to give him that.
Blossom isn’t as rude as Brick, so she’d likely entertain Boomer’s ideas and see the merit in them before immediately putting them down, like his brothers do.
I also don’t think Blossom would be cruel enough to call people dumb or stupid (unless it’s her sisters, but that’s sister stuff, or if whoever really deserves it), so when Boomer starts beating himself up about being dumb in front of Blossom, who he sees as incredibly smart, and hearing her say “no, don’t say that about yourself, everyone’s smart in their own way,” that would probably be akin to a compliment that would go right to his ego.
So really, their relationship is built on shared respect. Blossom doesn’t treat Boomer like he’s incompetent, and in turn, Boomer listens to Blossom without arguing back like the sassy kid he generally is in the comics/show.
I also think their “flaws” compliment each other. Blossom’s serious, neat, and bookish. Boomer’s none of those. And while you could argue that Butch or Brick aren’t either, I’d say that Boomer is more so. Like going off fanon stereotypes, Brick is seen as her intellectual equal and they end up being too similar, and when paired with Butch, he’s characterized as a loyal henchman bad boy, which sort of exacerbates the characterization pedestal Blossom sometimes gets put on (does that make sense lol?). Like being a henchman sort of highlights Blossoms flaws in a bad way, not a “I’m forcing this character to grow” way, which depending on the story, can work out, don’t get me wrong.
But while Boomer listens to Blossom, he’s still Boomer about it. He hears what she has to say but sometimes he isn’t listening and he misinterprets what she really means, so they get into various forms of shenanigans, that stresses Blossom out but because Boomer is so “go with the flow” he ends up forcing her to relax and have fun. His general chaotic personality would force her to relax, and her serious lawful-good energy would force him to grow up and be responsible.
Basically, I think Boomer would be better at getting Blossom out of her comfort zone and vise versa.
And because they could have this vibrant relationship, you could really pull some meaningful character growth out of them and make a fic fun to read/write even if they’re not shipped together! But that’s just one way to construct their dynamic. It really just depends on the story you’re putting them in and the characterizations you want them to have!
It’d be fun to know what other people think!! People don’t dive much into these two together :)
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nashbby118 · 3 years
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emily prentiss did not go to Yale, learn seven languages, join an undercover task force specializing in terrorism, become unit chief of the behavioral analysis unit, and get offered the director of the fbi job for people to write her off as not intelligent. queen isn't dumb.
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ysscquotes · 2 years
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Hey since this blog's back up and running, I was wondering what sorta dynamics you got for all the ships? Cause the big ship list has some on there that don't really show up in quotes that much and I'm curious
Ah, good ask, lemme pull up the list...
Shiromi x Aoi aka Blue Eye White Dragon
This is probably the one that shows up most often tbh, it’s the one I actively ship the most myself. I just love the idea of these two dorks who have absolutely no idea how to people getting together and causing chaos, plus on a less goofy level I also feel like they can understand each other really well, both are social outcasts unlike the others in the council and probably aren’t strangers to being treated as such, thus they both understand what that feels like and can be a shoulder for the other to lean or cry on. Plus I just adore the idea of just how bad the two are at back and forth flirting because they have no idea what they’re doing, Shiromi’s love language is reciting random snapple facts and Aoi’s is beating the shit out of your enemies so it’s just,,, chaos
Kuroko x Akane aka Black Bird
Another one of the most common pairings on this blog, but like, can anyone blame me really? You got the stoic more serious and analytical Kuroko and the more emotional softTM and touchy-feely Akane, I’m always down for a ‘somewhat distant and cold character character that turns into complete mush for that 1 (one) person’ dynamic and Black Bird is exactly that, plus it makes for a lot of really cute and fun quotes. They’s soft.
Shiromi x Kuroko aka Monochrome
This is one that pretty much never pops up, not on purpose it just doesn’t come up often, but it’s kind of like the exact opposite of Black Bird in my minds eye. Shiromi drives Kuroko up the wall most of the time it’d probably be Shiromi making moves and Kuroko squawking indignantly but secretly liking it, it’s literally just
Kuroko: I hate you so much Shiromi: you wanna kiss me so bad you look stupid >:3
Akane x Shiromi aka Fire Cat
Okay this one is a fun one, I’m just imagining Shiromi trying to be a chaotic little shit but Akane actually manages to reel her in and has the patience for her shenanigans. Definitely a pretty fluffy pairing if Shiromi’s home life doesn’t get brought into the mix, if so I get the feeling Akane would not hesitate to kick some ass. But on the fluffier side, I could definitely see the two sitting in the council room against the wall with Shiromi’s head in Akane’s lap and she’s just animatedly rambling about some documentary about water bears she saw last night and Akane’s just nodding along and petting her head with a big smile on her face. They’re cute, your honor.
                               (Continued below the cut)
Aoi x Kuroko aka Reptiles (or Impaired Vision)
Another ship that doesn’t really pop up, mostly because I haven’t thought about it much. It’s still a pretty good concept though, they give me some serious ‘100k slowburn because they don’t know how to articulate or portray their emotions’ vibes tbh, like neither of them really know what they’re doing but they end up at a bit of a stalemate because neither of them feels like they can take the initiative. Definitely feels like one of the softer and maybe sadder ones just because they both would probably just constantly be thinking to themselves ‘there’s no way she likes me that way’ and that’s probably part of why I don’t typically do quotes with them, not a lot of comedy to be had with the two just kinda standing in awkward silence having no idea what to do.
Aoi x Akane aka Wings
the ships containing akane are just soft, it is law But all jokes aside, this is quite a cavity-inducing fluff and hurt/comfort sorta pairing, when Aoi gets into a tussle it’s pretty much guaranteed that Akane will check up on her afterwords to make sure she’s okay and help out if she gets hurt, I just have this clear mental image of Aoi coming back from having to break up a fight with the delinquents trying to hide her hands in her pockets and Akane comes over and gently goes can I see your hands and Aoi hesitantly does so and she has bruises on her knuckles from throwing hands and Akane’d just gently hold them and press a kiss to her bruised knuckles and Aoi would just get the softest look on her face because oh okay so this is what being cared about feels like.  They’re soft as all hell is what I’m saying.
Megami x Aoi aka Blind
Actually one I’ve had on the blog a few times, this is honestly one I feel might have some sort of cannon-ness in the game itself because, well, they’re childhood friends, Aoi clearly cares a LOT about Megami and wants to keep her safe at all cost, Megami trusts her a lot, and the ‘rumors’ about her give me serious ‘she got hurt protecting Megami from her father’ vibes. Moving on into head-cannon territory, they’ve known each other since forever so they already know pretty much everything about each other and they definitely feel like the sort that get the ‘are you guys dating’ question thrown their way a lot since Aoi’s a fair bit protective and already acts a little like a boyfriend between giving Megami her blazer if she’s cold, skipping a class or even a school day to check up on her if she’s sick, just constantly making sure that she’s okay. Megami also doesn’t seem to be a touchy-feely person, at least to most people, but Aoi definitely is one of the exceptions, still small things though like leaning her head on her shoulder or holding hands with their fingers intertwined when not many people are around, small, but definitely there. However when they actually realize they’re already kind of dating and actively start dating they both are just absolute messes neither of them have any idea what they’re doing and their attempts at being romantic always crash and burn but it’s adorable so the other doesn’t really care, they’re absolute disaster lesbians when they figure it out and it’s fantastic.
Megami x Shiromi aka Enigmatic
This is honestly the 1 (one) relatively calm and chaos-free Shiromi ship, this actually happened in one of the oneshots but not really anywhere else. I’d imagine that Shiromi would probably tone down the chaos several notches if she caught feelings for Megami since the chaos is a bit much for her, the way I picture Shiromi as a character is her having this chaotic gremlin exterior but a very soft and caring interior and I feel like Enigmatic would draw the latter out a lot of the time because while Shiromi bonds with Aoi over generally being an outcast these two share a similar home life, so I’d figure these two would bond over that and support each other. It’s a lot easier for Megami to get that serious side out of Shiromi because she actively gets it, after all, they’re in a similar boat. Affection-wise, I feel like it’d be a lot of soft and emotional hugs and smaller but frequent touches like Shiromi putting a hand on Megami’s back and leaning over to see what she’s doing when she’s working on something or Megami putting a hand on Shiromi’s shoulder in passing, just a lot of frequent more casual touches because UH OH guess we’re both touch starved but also bad at this whole love and affection thing, whoops.
Megami x Akane aka Two Faced
Definitely a contender for softest Student Council ship, Megami works herself hard, too hard a lot of the time, and Akane Would Not Stand For This, after several hours of studying or paperwork Akane just picks it up off the desk and sets it aside as Megami is filling it out with no warning and proceeds to drag Megami out of the office to either get some fresh air or a nap because that girl definitely works herself to the bone sometimes, after the first couple times Megami works herself to exhaustion Akane starts keeping pillows and blankets in the council room specifically for such an occasion, she’ll sit herself and Megami against the wall with some pillows behind them like a backrest and Megami is just quietly grumpy about being pulled away from her work but she also doesn’t really mind and she usually wakes up from the Akane-Sanctioned nap with her head on her shoulder and just quietly grumbles in embarrassment but doesn’t actually move at all. On cold days Akane also makes and brings hot coco to the club room for everyone including Megami and will deliver her cup with a kiss on the cheek and a giggle when Megami fumbles with her words mid-sentence because of it, also Akane is a cuddle monster and Megami has no idea how to handle it but that doesn’t stop her girlfriend from hanging off her like a koala at times.
Megami x Kuroko aka Successor
This one gets a bit complicated. Kuroko isn’t a fan of Megami, she’s still pretty bitter about losing her position to the girl but tries with limited degrees of success to make it seem like she doesn’t care. However, as time goes on, she starts not being able to get Megami off her mind, she thinks it’s because she’s jealous of her brains, position, beauty- wait where’d that last one come from? Basically Kuroko goes from hating Megami to realizing she actually is attracted to and likes her and she is not happy about it. She’s the embodiment of the ‘you can’t catch me gay thoughts!’ ‘yes we can!’ meme, meanwhile Megami has absolutely no idea what to think about Kuroko’s behavior because sometimes she’ll get all up in her face over some decision she made for the council and then immediately shut up and turn red and low key run away and it is so confusing. Honestly the only way these two would actually get together would be a miracle because Kuroko is stubborn and does not want to be in love with Megami but the heart wants what it wants and also she’s kind of always confused her infatuation with her as jealousy or pettiness so acknowledging that no she’s just gay isn’t something she’s super keen on doing.
Thank you for the ask, this was fun to put together!
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aescapisms · 4 years
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everything is blue [b.barnes]
pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader word count: 6k ??? warnings: violence, death, the usual prompt: Gang leader White Wolf had his shipments stolen from him, and you were the prime suspect. You did steal something, yes that’s true, but it definitely wasn’t the shipments.
happy birthday hoe @bluerorjhan​ 
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“Bullshit Barton.” Bucky’s voice echoed around the room, papers were flying everywhere. He was pissed and nothing was safe from his anger. Clint let out an exasperated sigh, he had explained it to him five times now and Bucky still hasn’t accepted it. “How the fuck does our shipment just fucking disappear like that? Do you know how much we have riding on this?” 
Clint wanted to answer him that he knows, how could he not when Bucky had already told him about it six times in the last 30 minutes. Clint knew better though, he knew not to further agitate the boss. 
“Bring in Parker.” Bucky said to Barton after a few minutes of silence. This cannot be happening right now. How could Barton be fucking careless? Bucky already told them how important this shipment was and how people would be gunning for it but they still messed up the security. There aren’t enough papers to throw across the room that would appease his anger. He needed to punch someone, he’ll probably do that later but right now he needs to handle the missing shipments. 
“Mr. White Wolf, Sir?” The kid, Parker, quietly said as he entered the room. “Y-You called for me?” Bucky nodded and asked him to sit down. Peter Parker, the young hacker was recruited in the gang at the age 15 after Rogers found him beaten up in an alleyway somewhere in his neighborhood. “I need you to pull up all of the CCTV footage from the night three days ago.” 
“Is this because of the robbery, Mr. White Wolf sir?” Bucky nodded, “I want all of the CCTV footage from the moment the truck left the building until it reached T’Challa’s place. That truck left here full of guns and ammos and arrived in the warehouse empty. Figure out what happened in between.” Parker nodded and left to work on his new found assignment. 
This is the first time that this has happened. He founded this gang nine years ago and began the business of supplying people weapons, ammunition and services. Everything can be taken care of for a price. They were the best in the business, that was until this. And in this world, one mishap can cause you your credibility. Luckily, T’Challa has always been a friend and was willing to keep the issue quiet on the condition that it had to be resolved by the end of the week. 
“Hey, you want some beer?” Rogers asked as he handed Bucky a can then sat down on the couch. “Parker is already working on it, we’ll find out what happened and resolve this matter quickly.” His words of encouragement didn’t really do Bucky any good. He still felt miserable and hopeless and angry. Bucky grabbed the beer and sat on the chair opposite Steve. Silence enveloped the room until Sam appeared holding four more beers and a shit-eating grin. 
The three of them sat there in silence drinking until Sam finally asked, “Do you have any idea who took the shipment?” 
“A lot came to mind.” Bucky replied, crushing the now empty beer on his left arm before grabbing a new one. “But I have a feeling that it was the other gang. Hers.” That last word escaped Bucky’s mouth with such poison that it sent shivers up Sam and Steve’s spines. 
“If it was any other gang, they wouldn’t be able to one up Barton like that. But if it’s her. It may be possible.” 
No one inside or outside of the gang has ever heard Bucky call you by your name. He always referred to you as ‘her’ or ‘that person’. No one ever really figured out why. 
Your gang, or as other people unofficially  call it ‘Shadows’ was only established three years ago but you have swept every other gang on the map. Winning fights, races, gambling, and even escaping the police were just child’s play to you. You quickly earned your place as the gang to be feared and not be messed with. 
Bucky had met you twice, first was in a fight two years ago. A subordinate of yours stepped into Bucky’s territory and caused trouble for quite a few of his people. Every gang has a different territory. And crossing territories is an offense in your world, causing trouble while you’re at it is worse. Loki did both. 
Loki was sort of unhinged yes, but he was a valuable asset to you and so you personally came to collect him from Bucky. 
“I heard you have one of my people.” were the first words you ever said to him. “I’m here to take him back.” 
Bucky heard a few things about you. People called you names, one prominent one was that you were an insufferable bastard. “So you’re the one causing trouble back there huh.” You smiled at him and bowed “I’m surprised that the infamous Wolf is keeping tabs on me. Consider me flattered.” There was something wrong with your voice, you were smiling at him but your voice was completely cold and monotonous. Lifeless. 
“Your subordinate crossed my territory. What should we do about that?” Bucky asked, dismissing your previous statement. You looked at Loki who was bound on a pillar with ropes. “I would like to offer my sincere apologies, he still hasn’t learned the customs of this world and he is also, frankly, very stupid. I will pay for the damages and teach him a lesson myself.” You sent Loki a glare which got him to stop making faces at Steve. 
“Why should I accept your apology?” 
You smiled “Isn’t it customary for gang leaders to give each other a gift?” Bucky raised his eyebrow “Yeah, if you’re the gang leader of your territory which I believe that you are not.” 
“Yet.” 
“Huh?” Bucky asked.
“Not yet. Give us six months, and once we become the gang leader we’ll consider you letting this matter go as your gift to us.” 
Bucky hated arrogance, but he hated hollow arrogance even more. “You’re nothing but a small gang and you really think you can take over that place? Don’t make me laugh.” 
“I’m not trying to make you laugh. If I was I would’ve brought you to the fucking circus.” Ah there it was, Bucky thought. That’s why they called you a cold heartless insufferable bastard. “If you believe that we can’t do it’s fine. It’s your  right to be wrong. But if we do become the gang leader, it would be very awkward for you.” 
Bucky has had enough and pulled a gun on you. “What’s stopping me from putting a bullet into your brain?” 
“Nothing really,” you smiled as if taunting him to pull the trigger “but I can just hear the whispers now. Oh you know that Wolf? Yeah, he killed Y/N because he was afraid of what she’s capable of. What a fucking pussy really.” 
Bucky’s finger slowly moved away from the trigger, and you smirked. “C’mon Loki. Let’s go. I know you’ve already released yourself from those ropes hours ago.” 
Everyone looked at Loki who smiled as he let the ropes fall to the ground. Before the two of you left, you looked at Bucky who still had his gun pointed towards you and gave him one last smile and before disappearing into the night. 
The next time he saw you was at the gang leaders’ meeting. He was surprised to see you there, although to be fair, everyone was. A clan meeting was held every six months. He wasn’t expecting you here. You said you would take over the territory in six months, but you managed to do it in three. 
Bucky noticed the change in you though, you were quieter and if it was even possible, even colder than you were before. He wondered what were the things that you went through in those three months for you to change drastically. How was it possible for your little gang to take out Erik Killmonger, a notorious killer with a thirst for blood and wipe his gang clean. 
“Do you really think that it’s her?” Sam asked pulling Bucky back to reality. Bucky shrugged, he had a gut feeling but that was all there was. A gut feeling. Movies and TV shows portrayed gangs as chaotic with no regard for the law but they’re wrong. Gangs are lawful, only they follow their own. And one thing that you cannot do is accuse someone without any evidence. You do that, and you will die before you can even say the words I’m sorry. 
Bucky stood up and went to where Parker was to try and see what he had dug up so far. “What do you have?” 
“Nothing yet Mr White Wolf Sir. All the CCTV footage was deleted and I’m still trying to get the files back but it’s going to take a while. But I feel like I know this work…” 
“Evidence?” 
“Well, you know how hackers like to leave their own tag?” 
“Yeah,” Bucky answered, “To let people know that it’s them. It’s common in gangs and in hacking. You found something?” 
“Yes Mr. White Wolf, Sir. I found this.” Peter Parker blew up the screen with a single word. Death. “Now, I checked if there are gangs out there called Death or even a gang member with that codename but I came up empty. That;s when I realized that this wasn’t a part of the code. It’s an image, so I checked it in photoshop and brightened the image and there it is.” 
Bucky’s suspicions were confirmed, because the image showed a shadow behind the word Death. You did this, and you were going to pay. 
“Rogers, gather up everyone. We leave in 5 minutes.” Bucky was pissed. He never thought that you would do such a thing. Was this payback? Maybe, he just hasn’t figured out what for. Or maybe it wasn’t payback. Maybe you just really like fucking with people. 
“Should I inform them that we would be coming?” 
“No. We’ll pay them a surprise visit.” 
It was a Thursday night, which meant it was a gang game night, and gang game nights are easily the highlight of your week. 
“No we are not playing that magic trick game again, Scott. You always win.” Wanda complained as she pushed Scott from his chair. 
“That’s why I always suggest that we do it.” Everyone grabbed their empty beer cans and chucked them all at Scott. “Oh come on, just because you all don’t know how to do magic doesn’t mean it’s not fun for me!” Scott took a five second pause to understand the words that just came out of his mouth. “Oh shit that really sounded bad”
Everyone laughed, “It really sounded bad you dumbass. Everyone get up and go to the firing range. We’ll do archery, since you guys suck at archery. Lowest score becomes the designated driver for two months.” 
Everyone rushed to the firing range and grabbed a bow and arrow. “Are you not going to join?” Scott asked, and you just laughed. “Please note that I said, ‘you guys’ suck at archery.” Which wasn’t true. You might have an advantage, but you still very much suck at archery. 
Once you said go, arrows started flying out and they mostly hit the target, if the target was the wall. God they are hopeless, you thought. They were on their 7th arrow when the door suddenly opened wide and all you guys saw were guns pointing at you. It was Bucky Barnes and he looked like hell. 
Questions started forming inside your head. Why was he here? Why is he handsome as hell? What does he want? And more importantly, why are your friends pointing arrows at them as if those arrows will go right at their intended target?
This is the third time that Bucky met you. “Everyone put your arrows down. It’s not like you’ll be able to hit them accurately, you’ll just ruin the walls.” Your voice was playful, but commanding. Bucky saw everyone lower their bow but grabbed on to the arrow to just chunk them at people. 
You walked towards him with your arms wide and welcoming. “You know, if I had a dollar for all the times that you pointed a gun at me I would have 2 dollars. Which isn’t a lot but it’s really weird that it happened twice.” You grabbed the barrel of the gun and put it down.
“I highly advise that you guys put your guns down. It’s very rude.” Everyone almost instantaneously put their guns down just by the sound of your voice. They all looked at Bucky and he just nodded. “Take a seat, and speak. You’re interrupting our game night. Everyone get out. Mr. Wolf, you stay.” 
“But--” Loki wanted to speak but you just interrupted him. “I know. We’ll continue game night after I talk to him. Just go prepare for the beer pong.” 
“I will be civil about this--”
“Civil? Mr. Wolf, there was nothing civil about you crossing our territories without informing me. And then just showing up and pointing guns on our faces. Plus you interrupted our game night.” 
“Game night? Why do you even have game nights?” Bucky asked, a question he’s been meaning to ask since he walked inside the building. 
“Well, someone’s jealous.” Bucky rolled his eyes “Anyways, tell me. Barnes why should I not put a bullet between your eyes right now.” 
Bucky felt something that he hasn’t felt in a long time. Excitement. No one has openly refused and dared to talk down on him before. Or even had the courage to use his real name on him. He wasn’t at all confused as to how you knew his name. He knew that you had the means to get all the information about him. 
“I have been informed that my shipment from three days ago came upon its destination empty.”  
You just looked at him, uninterested “Rip to your shipments but what does that have to do with me? Why does my game night have to suffer just because you guys were careless in handling your packages?” And then it dawned on you, “Unless you think I did that?” 
“I know you did.” Bucky said confidently, “Your hacker is careless, and arrogant. He left a signature when he deleted the security tapes and we were able to track it down to Shadows. You should really get rid of your hacker, he’s useless.” 
“You’re wrong.” You answered and leaned back on the couch. 
“Excuse me?”
“You’re wrong. We didn’t do that. Our hacker didn’t do that. We don’t give a shit about your fucking shipments. So unless you have a solid proof that really ties this incident to us. Leave my building because you’re totally bumming out my mood. Unless you want to join a virtual Cards against Humanity with us later.” “I just handed you the evidence. Your guy slipped up and was too arrogant---”
“I’m the only hacker in Shadows and I won’t be that fucking dumb to leave a fucking signature that could be traced to me.Do you even use your fucking head? Jesus christ, you’re lucky you’re handsome.” 
That did it for Bucky, he quickly stood up from the couch and leaped towards you grabbing your shirt and pulling you close to him. “Don’t fucking mess with me. Give me back my shipments or I will burn your place to the fucking ground.” 
“Not gonna lie,” you said as you looked up at his blue eyes “this is kinda hot.” 
“Give me back my shipments.” 
“I’m sure that you have already searched through my place.Did you see any shipments, dumbfuck? Just because you messed up doesn’t mean you can use me as your fucking scapegoat.” This was the first time that Bucky saw you get mad. You grabbed his hand that was still holding your shirt and then pushed him away, “Now, I didn’t do anything when you barged in my territory without telling me. Didn’t do anything when you pointed your guns at my people. And didn’t do anything when you accused me of this bullshit without any hard evidence.”
You were right. All three of those warrants an instant death, it doesn’t matter if you’re the gang leader or not. Tarnishing the reputation of someone else for the sake of doing so warrants death. Because that indicates that you don’t respect them. Respect is important in keeping the harmony between the gangs, and Bucky just violated that. 
“I suggest that you leave now, before I lose all respect for you. You have disrespected my gang, my family. You’ve been in this business far longer than I have, and I know the rules better than you. Get out of my sight, because I will not be merciful the next time.”
“Okay so game night still back on?” Loki asked as soon as he entered the room. 
You smiled “Yes, new game though. It’s called find the culprit. It’s anyone’s game and whoever wins will get to choose the next job.” Everyone immediately went to work, after explaining to them what happened everyone just got fired up and did every†hing humanly possible to track down the bastard that wants to implicate you.
You lied when you said that you were the only hacker in the gang. Everyone in here has a background in hacking but no one would be that stupid as to steal from Bucky Barnes. Not when they know that he's the person you're hopelessly in love with. 
"Boss! Something just arrived, it's a box and it has a drawing of a wolf on it" Sam announced as he entered the room, clutching the said box. “Don’t worry, we already scanned it for bombs, it has nothing. We just didn’t want to open it because we thought that it was addressed to you.” And Bucky Barnes hates when people touch the things that are his.
Bucky grabbed the knife that he carried with him at all times, and opened the box. Inside the box there was a note, with a single drop of blood. “Take this to the lab. Check whose DNA it is. We’ll go to the address, just message me if you figure out who it is.”
In the car, Steve finally asked “Do you know who sent the note?” 
He knew of course. It was the same writing as the one on the blackboard from the building that they went to three days ago. The building that they rudely barged in, and interrupted the game night, and spoiled the mood for everyone. 
The address brought them to a warehouse on the far side of the town. And when they got in, his missing shipments were there along with tied up people from the gang from this town. And on top of his shipments there was another person there, one he recognized. “Rumlow, you betrayed me?” 
So that’s why it was so easy for this gang to be able to intercept their shipment and how they were able to delete all the records. They had a man inside. Bucky told them to take the shipments straight to T’challa and took Rumlow back with them. 
Rumlow already looked like he was beaten the shit out of. Blood splattered across his shirt and he just smiled. “Wondering why I did it?” He asked Bucky. 
Bucky didn’t really care, he always knew that Rumlow was up to something and he was also at fault for being too careless. “Don’t try to act high and mighty, Rumlow. You’re already done for. Blood is splattered across your face and your face. You don’t have the upper hand.” 
“This isn’t my blood.” Rumlow replied, “It was from that fool who thought that she could take me down by herself.” There was a deafening silence that enveloped the room. “You know, that girl that you like? Yeah, this is her blood.” 
Bucky took out his gun and in an instant, Rumlow was lying dead in the middle of the room. 
“Clean this up. I have to go.” 
Rumlow got you good and you know it. That fucking bitch didn’t play fair, and even dared to use a knife on you. You were surprised to figure out that there was an actual rat inside Wolf’s gang, and you couldn’t help but think about your own people. Your family. It  was obvious that Bucky treated his subordinates well, but if he could treat his subordinates like that and still have those people turn against him. You began to wonder what that could possibly mean for you. It’s not that you won’t be able to take them down, it’s just going to be hard to punish the person you considered your family for the past few years. 
“Look at you.” A voice suddenly spoke behind you, “You’re wounded.” 
It was him, and suddenly you  felt calm. Too calm. 
You fainted in Bucky’s arms. 
It was a good thing that he was able to find you when he did because you would’ve been devoured by the people lurking in the dark. Everyone who was lurking knew who you were, and every gang leader has a price on their heads. Yours was the highest, but Bucky had an inkling that if you found out how much you were worth you would be furious and demand that you’re worth more than that. 
And in a way you were. Maybe that’s why Bucky has always been different when it came to you. Maybe that’s why he always made sure to keep tabs on the things that you were doing so that if something were to happen, which thankfully it didn’t, he could lend a hand and help.
He didn’t know how to form friendships. All he ever had was the gang and being the leader all that they gave him was the respect as a leader. Yeah, Sam and Steve were there and they try their best to make it seem like they’re friends and they are but there’s still that wall separating them  and Bucky. 
Everyone treated him differently. Except you, you quickly made an impression on him as someone who doesn’t give a shit about other people than her own.  You made the other gangs mad, but you made Bucky curious. Curious if you had any idea what this world is truly made of. This world is full of monsters and demons and your idealism and unorthodox ways would not be tolerated here. He was curious about what this world is going to do to you. 
“Go get a doctor, quickly.” Bucky ordered as soon as the car stopped in front of  the warehouse. He carried you up and took you straight to his room. “Your wound isn’t that deep, but you bled a lot.” There was still no response from you. 
“I know you’re awake. You can stop pretending.” Then he hears it, your laugh. It was  something that he  wasn’t expecting to hear  but he was glad that he did. 
“You were carrying and  cuddling me from the car to this room. How  could I not take advantage? It’s not everyday  you get to be wrapped up around the arms of the White Wolf himself.” You said and tried to sit up and leaned against the headboard. “Is this your room? Kinda plain isn’t it?” You said and looked around. Bucky was about to say  something along the lines of ‘Can you just worry about your wound first.’ Until he realized that you were trying to distract yourself from the pain stemming from the wound on your side. 
“Why? What’s wrong with my room?” Bucky asked, indulging your statement. Might as well help you forget about the pain, even if it's just for a little while. 
“I think it lacks soul. It’s lonely.” 
“Rooms don't need to have souls. They just need to have a bed to sleep in.” 
“Ah, it really is true what they say. Someone’s room can tell so much about the person sleeping in it.”  
Bucky was about to ask what kind of room you had but a frightened doctor came into  the  door.  “S-Sir?” Bucky  pointed at you and he got the  hint. 
“Who is  this guy?” 
“Sorry  sir, Thor is currently dealing with a surgery and he can’t come. So we had to take the nearest doctor that we could find.” 
“Sam, what did I say about kidnapping people.” Bucky asked as he pinched the bridge of his nose.  He just looked at him and shrugged “That it’s okay if it’s for love?” 
That moment Steve knew better and just dragged Sam out of the room without giving Bucky the time to punch him in the face. 
The doctor cleaned up your wound and bandaged it up, then left after prescribing some antibiotics and some medication for the pain. 
“I’ll get someone to get you some of these meds.” Bucky said as he grabbed the note that the doctor left on his bedside table. 
“What you’re in a gang related business and you don’t have any pain medication. What kind of sorcery is this?” You asked laughing, Bucky just rolled his eyes. “Are you going to leave me? Can you not leave me. I may not look like it but I’m actually really afraid of being alone.” 
Bucky’s heart did something, but he didn’t know what. So he just shouted for one of his subordinates and asked them to buy the medication as he stayed inside your room. “Why are you being so nice to me?” 
“Take it as an apology. I was wrong for accusing you like that, and for ruining your game night.” He confessed, which was another first thing for him. 
“Aww, can’t believe that you’re a big softie, like a teddy bear. Yuck. Disgusting, get out of my room. I want to rest.”
“This is my room.” Bucky reminded you, “And you said that you hated being alone.” 
“And you’re the dummy who fell for it. Just leave, send a message to Shadows tell them no need to panic and that I’m going to be sleeping over.” 
“If you’re going to sleep here, where am I supposed to sleep?” 
“Aww, does the big softie want to sleep beside me? Maybe get some cuddles as well?” Bucky just smiled and walked towards the door. “Didn’t think so. Such a shame, I’m a very good cuddler. Good night boobear.” 
Something inside Bucky snapped, he shouldn’t do it but he did. He looked the door and climbed on the bed which prompted you to shout “What the fuck are you doing?” 
“You were right. I wanted some cuddles.” 
Never in your life did you imagine that Bucky, the White Wolf, the most feared gang leader in your area, would say something as corny and as cheesy as that. To be fair, Bucky didn’t think it would be possible as well but here you guys were. 
Bucky only wanted to tease you, that was all. But the moment you wrapped your arms around him he felt so giddy and so happy that he felt as if he would burst. 
That was the first night that Bucky slept peacefully. 
And the night that he fell in love with you without him knowing it. 
Something changed between the two gangs after that night. 
There was an unspoken rule that people from your gang aren’t to be messed with and would be given priority access each time you cross. The gang community quickly took notice and followed. Few weeks later they realized that they couldn’t afford to offend either one of you. 
The Wolves made a good example to one gang that decided to cross Shadows. It wasn’t the fact that Shadows couldn’t handle it, it was more on showing them that they had their backs. That Bucky has your back. 
It was almost as if the Shadows and Wolves decided to merge into a bigger gang. And that would be the most terrifying thing to ever happen on the goddamn planet. 
“So you’re telling me, you’re not going to attend game night?” You asked Bucky who is currently on the phone with you. 
“Yeah, I have some things to take care of.” 
“Okay, but you’re missing game night. Game. Night.” Bucky rolled his eyes. And gestured for Sam to drag the guy away from his sight. 
“I know. Sorry.” 
“You can shove that sorry up your ass. Don’t talk to me. We’re cancelling the pizza we ordered for you guys. Bye.” 
“I told you---” 
But you ended the call before Bucky could say anything. 
“Lover’s quarrel?” Steve asked, “You can go. We can take care of this motherfucker.”
“You really think that, that would solve it? Game night means you all should be there as well, she’s going to kill me if I just show up there alone.” 
Bucky had planned to go. How could he not? At first he thought that game nights were useless but seeing the look on your face and the laughter that echoed around the room. It felt like home. It didn’t feel like they were in the world full of guns and blood, but instead it felt like they were normal people just enjoying each other’s company. 
Bucky laughed at the thought of you. You were probably cursing him right now, wondering why you ever invited him to join your game nights if he was just going to ruin it. 
But this was something that he needed to take care of. Because this man, Pierce, was the one behind Rumlow’s betrayal. The reason why you were hurt. 
And Bucky couldn’t forgive him for that. 
You ignored Bucky after that. Didn’t bother returning his phone calls, so instead he just leaves you a voice message every night without fail. 
It made you happy of course. Made you think that perhaps it wasn’t a one-sided love affair after all. That maybe there could be a love story between the two of you despite your past, despite the present and despite the future that the two of you have so little of. 
You were worried about the meeting today because Bucky would be there. You wonder if you would still be able to keep this act up and continue to pretend to ignore him when he’s standing right beside you looking like a god sent by the heavens. 
“Pierce was found dead.” 
“WHAT?” You shout in disbelief, “What the fuck? Who did this? Pierce--” 
“I did it.” Bucky confessed after you calmed down, which prompted you to shout again. “Pierce was the one behind Rumlow and he was scheming against every single one of us. Including you. When I found out I had to take him out. In this folder, you can see all of the evidence that I have gathered the past few months. I’ll see myself out.” Bucky stood up and tossed the folder that he was clutching so tightly that you wanted to ask him earlier what that folder did wrong. 
Turns out the answer was a lot. After skimming through the contents it all made sense. 
While Pierce was indeed a scheming son of a bitch, it still didn’t change the fact that he was the one who helped you, and treated you like his own daughter. 
“I guess i just didn’t want to believe that he would do that to me.” Your sad eyes made Bucky’s heart hurt. Betrayal isn’t something that you were used to. “Did you ever figure out how he was able to control Rumlow?” 
Bucky knew, he had the matter investigated a week after they knew about Rumlow’s betrayal. “There was a girl.” Bucky didn’t need to say any more. You figured it out. How pathetic, how could you almost forget the situation that you are in? 
You’re not some teenager who’s free to love whoever they want. You were a gang leader who had duties and responsibilities. What this incident taught you was a cruel lesson, but one that you should be taught early on. 
“Love really is a disadvantage huh.” You muttered, “I never want to be in that kind of place.” 
“At a disadvantage?” Bucky asked. 
“Yeah.  Love is cruel and messy. And it would ruin everything that I have worked for.” 
“So, you don’t want to fall in love?” 
Bucky asked, and he waited for an answer that never came. Oh well, maybe that was an answer too. 
A visible strain in your relationship intrigued everyone but they decided to stay quiet and not meddle in your affairs. After all, the two of you were the highest ranking members and should not be messed with. But one particular afternoon things got heated after a job that the two gangs took. “I just don’t fucking get it. I had the shot.” You huffed as you threw your jacket on the couch. “Yeah. A shot to his leg, he has a clear shot of your head. You were going to die.” 
Bucky decided to jump at you earlier, effectively throwing the both of you on the ground and wasting a precious bullet meant for someone else. 
“It’s none of your fucking business. I could do it.” 
“You would’ve died.” 
“What is it to you?!” 
Ah, there it was. The question that Bucky hoped you never would ask. To be honest you didn’t think that it was a question that would escape your lips as well. But you were just so pissed off that you lost all of your rational thoughts and were left with these stupid ones. You never wanted to ask that because you were afraid of what his answer would be. 
No, you weren’t afraid that he would say that you didn’t mean anything to him. That would be a relief. You were scared that he would say that you meant a great deal to him and you don’t know if you can handle that. Love is a dangerous disadvantage. And you would not hesitate to move the mountains and part the seas if Bucky asked you to do so. 
You were scared because you loved him so much. 
And Bucky just sat there wanting to tell you the truth. To tell you how much you meant to him. How much he loves you and how far he is willing to go for you. How he could kill anyone who looks at you wrongly with his bare hands. 
And instead of being honest to each other, the two of you sat there. The truth stayed inside of your hearts, desperately trying to claw their way out. 
But the truth will prevail. One way or another. And if the two of you knew that this is what’s going to happen. You would’ve confessed when you had the chance. 
You wouldn't have cared. Because right now, Bucky is bleeding in your arms and you couldn’t stop the tears from falling down your face. “Bucky, stay with me. Okay? Stay with me. Please.” 
There had been an attack in the warehouse that you owned and Bucky went to help, but no matter how strong you guys were you were still outnumbered. It wasn’t like how it was in the movies where everyone just miraculously survives no matter how many opponents they were faced with. And so Bucky was shot trying to protect you. 
“You fucking idiot. Don’t fucking close your eyes.” Bucky smiled because despite all of the curses that you were saying, your voice still sounded sweet. It was a good thing that the sense of hearing is the last to go before a person dies. 
‘This is alright,’ Bucky thought, ‘I was never meant for a long life anyway. And what better place to die than in the arms of your loved one.’
Bucky tried to open his eyes, to remain conscious. But his strength is leaving him, he tried to lift his arm up to wipe the tears from your eyes but he couldn’t. He could only listen to your sobs, until he couldn’t hear anything at all. 
There were so many things that you weren’t able to say to Bucky. 
So many things that you wanted to tell him, so many things that you wanted to do with him. But you weren’t able to do so because you were scared. “Bucky, please wake up.” You cried as you grabbed his hand. He still hasn’t woken up ever since his surgery and Thor said to not get your hopes up but you can’t just give up on him without him knowing how you truly feel. “Please don’t leave me alone. I promise you I won’t let you go. So come back to me okay?” 
Twelve days have since passed, and there were still no signs of him waking up. Thor was already talking about preparing for the worst, and so you punched him in the face. 
You grabbed some blankets from the other room and went back to your room where Bucky was, “You were right. You can tell alot from a person by their room.” 
You dropped the blankets that you were holding and just ran up to hug him. “I was so scared that you were dead.” 
“I’m sorry. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”
“Bucky I--” But he just smiled and said ‘I know.’
He knows. 
But that wasn’t enough for you. You had to let him know. You had to let him hear it. And there was only one way to convey these feelings properly. 
“James Buchannan Barnes. Marry me.” 
130 notes · View notes
warmest-oceans · 3 years
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A Non-Paradoxical Moment of Accepting Oneself While Falling in Love with a Best Friend
Set in Phuket, a beautiful large island in southern Thailand, I Told Sunset About You already wins the Best Picture category. The island is magnificent on its own — blessed with emerald clear water, bed of white sand, quiet calm breeze, but the island also has the charm of its old town scenery. Every shot feels like it was shot in a new world. The combination of laid-back island life with culturally rich town is visually pleasing.
Aside from its excellent choice of set, the storyline is the true gem here. In the peaceful island of Phuket, we’re brought into the not-so-quiet lives of our two male protagonists, Teh (Billkin Assaratanakul) and Oh-aew (PP Amnuaydechkorn). From the start we know that these two best friends are about to be involved in something that’s bigger than themselves, something that’s uncontrollable and something that will change their lives forever.
It won’t be a 10/10 series if the actors can’t bring the golden storyline to live. The actors who play our male protagonists apparently have been friends since they were teenagers, making every scene they act on-screen believable. The chemistry can be seen clearly with a dash of improvisation here and there by the actors themselves and the magical direction by Boss Kuno, the director of the series.
I can’t really wrap up my introductory of the series without mentioning the amazing soundtrack and scoring. We only have three songs as soundtrack (with different versions) sung by our male protagonists, but the quality is top-notch, you’ll fall for it!
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OK, I’m done with my introductory piece. Now, let me gush about this series. To me, I Told Sunset About You has become a coming-of-age story that left a permanent dent in my heart. It’s everything I ask for in a series; a beautiful set, excellent story, magical chemistry, and incredibly fitting soundtrack. Sadly, the series is almost always lumped into BL category, which I find insulting to the series to be honest.
Although I don’t identify myself as a part of LGBTQ+ community, I relate to the series more than I initially thought. Let me be honest, I am INVESTED in this series. Let me just write down the things that I think make this series is in a whole another league.
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Self-acceptance in the middle of everything else
The series is great at delivering the moment of being a teenager who’s in the middle of self-discovery, starting to think about the future (the protagonists are in 12th grade), falling in love (hard) for the first time (on top of that, with your very own best friend!), seeking acceptance and validation, and trying to stay afloat at the same time. The topic seems to be nothing out of ordinary, but its ordinariness that brings up its own charm when it’s combined with excellent character development.
We all go through self-discovery and we all try to accept who we are when we’re teenagers — how crazy it was, restless, tiring, but also exhilarating it was. That’s why I think the series will resonate with most people.
I love how the process of the protagonists discovering and accepting themselves also answers the dilemma of falling in love with the best friend. Personally, I believe that I need to love myself first to love another person (note: if you want it to work and if you want the relationship to be a healthy one).
Thanks to this series I had a pleasure of reliving the experience of self-discovery and self-acceptance once again. No kidding, after I watched the series, I did a bit of self-reflection.
Impulsiveness
I think the first emotion that the series successfully portrayed is the impulsiveness of hot-blooded teens. I love how chaotic and erratic Teh and Oh-aew can be. One day they’re best friend, tomorrow? Who knows. Everything is a mess and everything is truly a collection of fleeting temporary moments.
Nobody in the series got their shit together and it’s supposed to be like that. Nobody figures out shit when they are in 12th grade. Everyone in the series is scattered, explosive, tortured, yet sensitive and delicate at the same time. It really reminds me of my own 12th grade moments!
Most of teens would act out of their gut reactions and that’s exactly what the characters do in this series. They’re not perfectly groomed and planned. So if you’re no longer in your teenage years or maybe if you’re in your 30s, you may find some of their actions to be silly and atrocious even. Tip: try to remember your teenage years. Try to remember all the stupid things you did in 12th grade. It helps you understand the characters.
Jealousy among friends is real and valid
I rarely see a show can realistically execute the side story of jealousy in friendship or even rivalry. Sometimes it’s too mean, sometimes it’s not even brought up (mostly being avoided in a story). I Told Sunset About You portrays jealousy in the most relatable way, through microexpressions. Through Oh-aew’s subtle glance at Teh and Ma or through Teh’s smile when talking to Oh-aew. Really, kudos to the whole team!
Naivety that leads to boldness
I think we can all agree that we’re much bolder when we’re younger, no? That’s because we have this naivety vested in us. Like trying to learn how to ride a bike for the first time, we don’t think much about the risk, we just want to have fun with the bike. We think adults will catch us when we fall anyway.
It’s another thing from the series that makes me fall in love with it. These flawed characters, probably in their 17 or 18, think that everything will be sorted out eventually. While, we adult know that most of the time, we clean our own mess. You’ll know what I’m talking about in episode 4.
Everyone got their own idea of first love
I think love is a complex, hard-to-understand feeling for everyone in every age, let alone for a bunch of 12th graders. Deeply impressed with how the series handles the tenderness and also the chaos of first love. How the series shows different outcomes of loving romantically for the first time is also admirable.
Teh stole my heart. At first, he was so certain about his feeling. He was calm, loving, and patient, the best you could be when you’re in love. But later when he’s in turmoil with himself, he becomes petty, awkward, and impulsive. He thought he loved, but turned out, it wasn’t even the kind of love he’d imagined.
I’m the main character
No character in this series is a filler. Everyone got their own dream and ambitions. Tarn, the female character isn’t just an obstacle between our protagonists. She’s a fully-developed character, an independent woman that works hard for her dream and a dynamic person. Bas, a male character, a good friend of Oh-aew has his own likings and dream. He’s good at some things. He acts on his own. Everyone is the main character in their own world and it’s evident in the series.
Symbolism and color theory
This wouldn’t be one of my favorite series without hidden meanings, symbolism, and color theory. Almost every scene and every material placement is intentional in this series. I won’t talk about it much because it’ll spoil the fun of you finding them.
Nostalgia
I had fun watching, crying, smiling, and laughing throughout the episodes the way they are. Aside from warmth and the feeling of awe, maybe the production crew doesn’t realize that it also makes me feeling nostalgic.
It reminds me of how futile and just fragile some of the moments from my youth were. They looked like big deals when I was in my 17, but now they are just dust. They really don’t matter in the next 5 years.
It reminds me of how insanely good falling in love felt like. It was intense yet tender, messy yet everything fell into pieces perfectly. The feeling that you want to give the person the world, but sometimes that world isn’t what the other person wants or needs. The feeling that you can almost do anything for this person. The suffocating feeling of not knowing what to do, but want to do everything for the other person. The liberating feeling of falling into the abyss. The feeling of surrender… completely.
The series makes me remember how exciting and scary it was when I realized I fell in love with one of my best friends, how confusing it was to even talk to him the next day after the realization. I just wanted to be with him ever since. Nobody could take that away from me and everything just didn’t make sense anymore in my head, just like how Teh and Oh-aew felt.
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As you can see, I only have good words for the series. I hope, after watching the series, you’ll feel various emotions but hopefully… they’re all good and warm, because that’s how I felt. I also think that the production crew tried really hard to deliver a heartwarming series (please watch the documentaries/their behind the scene videos, it’s amazing!). I hope this series can be a newfound joy for you.
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hecohansen31 · 4 years
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Not The Right Time
The Story Of How He Found Out:
Ivar+Reader (Modern! AU)
(Chapter 1: The Story of How We Ended Up There)
(A/N): Hello there, lovelies!
I know it’s been a long time since I post this series, and I just wanted to also thank you for the warm welcome you showed it, I was immediately prompted to write more since I felt like it was very wanted.
I am also glad I was able to portray such a theme in the best way, enough not to seem judging or annoying and I am going to repeat that if you feel judged even in the slightest, please let me know and tell me what I could do to make it better.
I hope you’ll like it, again and any feedback is more than welcome!
Have a nice reading!
SUMMARY: It isn’t coincidence anymore when Destiny is trying its best to push you together, even exposing your ‘small secret’ to Ivar.
WORDS: 8 K
WARNINGS: Pregnancy, Unexpected Pregnancy, Pregnancy at a Young Age, Mention of Abortion (and Being Harsh About it), Heartbreak and General Angst, Abandonement Issues and Being A Single Mom, Mention of Infertility, Talk about Custody Battles and Custody, Use of The World ‘Cripple’.
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Ivar had a hate-love relationship with taking care of his nephew and niece.
He certainly hated being waken up at 8 p.m. on a luxurious Saturday morning just to babysit his brother’s children, meanwhile he and Torvi went ‘shopping for the newest arrival’, which meant they would probably screw around the entire day.
But he loved the way his niece and nephew’s eyes would light up softly as they came to him, immediately almost tackling him to a ground in a way that made him want children of his own.
Had he ever been able to have one…
Freydis hadn’t been there when the call had arrived.
He remembered she had to go through some treatments and although he had insisted to go with her, she hadn’t wanted him.
‘It’s just… womanly things… I would feel more comfortable going alone’ and he had immediately respected the wishes of his goddess.
So, in the end, he was extremely grateful for the children’s company who had convinced him to drive to another park from the one near his house, because… ‘this one was better, uncle Iv’.
He drove there and let the children quickly spatter themselves around, after they had both thanked him with a quick kiss, keeping an eye on them, not wanting to let them wander too far away:.
Once Hvitserk had been tasked with the ‘babysitting’ since Ivar was busy with some medical visits and he had come back home without the children.
Thankfully the McDonald’s employees had called Torvi and Ubbe immediately, after they had found their children in the fast food restaurant …
He got his phone out, since he thoroughly hated to acknowledge the stares people always sent his way when this happene.
Some would eye him as if they were worried he would grab their children and run, but the actual worst was when they would stare at him with soft pity in their eyes.
So, he preferred to check his phone, shooting a small look at the children who were running freely, around the small park, over the slide and in the little sand box.
And then he saw you.
You weren’t in your job uniform, a loose sweatshirt and a pair of skinny and worn out jeans with some rips on the knees, the entire outfit completed by a pair of dirtied sneakers.
Your hair was in an high ponytail as your eyes sprinkled over the park.
He didn’t know how you could be so fascinating even in that ‘worn out’ mise, but as you turned lightly to him, he was finally able to understand why: your smile was the prettiest thing he had ever seen, and almost attracted by it, he got up and moved to you.
He didn’t know why he did it, but he just felt like seeing you closer, discovering that you hadn’t lost the little moles under your nose and your nails were still painted of the brightest colors, after all this time.
You also hadn’t lost the lovely curves you always had owned, but they fell in a different and more mature way now.
He stopped staring at them as you raised your face meeting his gaze.
And immediately that smile disappeared from your face.
And Ivar didn’t know what to say.
His curiosity had gotten the best of him, but now that he was in front of her, he didn’t know what to do.
So, he went with kindness.
“… hey” it was a weak mumble, but it was all he could utter, as you shieded away your gaze from him, definitely nervous and at unease “… I swear I am not stalking you!”.
“Are you sure, Ivar Lothbrock?” the way you taunted him with his name and his surname made a shiver appear on his back, as it moved down its spine disappearing under his skin “… we haven’t met each other in five years and then suddenly… we met each other two days in a row?”.
“… well that might indeed make you doubtful, but I come bearing good intentions” he prompted immediately, raising his hands and a small laugh came onto your face “Maybe you should take it as a sign that we need to seriously take that coffee, one day”.
“Too busy” you tutted lightly as you shook your head, your small smile becoming algid cold and he knew better than to insist, although his body wanted nothing more than to meet you again.
But he just didn’t understand this impulse.
Why, most of all, it happened when he was happily tying the knot with his lovely fiancée?
He was even trying for a child, undergoing hours and hours of physical and psychological therapy.
Still, how did they say?
You could never forget your first love.
“… I know that we didn’t leave on the happiest note” he mumbled not even truly knowing why he was saying that, although he had wanted to tell you this right after the aching confession on that diner that damned day “… but I missed you”.
The revelation shook you, enough that you weren’t able to properly hide your thoughts and surprise, shown with the way you moved your eyes away from his, not facing him but unable to close your mouth in a stern expression, as your hands were clutched together tight.
“… I… “ he was ready for the worst of insults, maybe a small ‘I missed you, too’, although it wouldn’t have been in your personality, but he certainly hadn’t expected  a small child moving towards them, or better… crawling towards them.
“Mommy, mommy!” he called out softly as he moved towards you, adjusting his shirt, a bit dirtied by the wet ground of the park, but he didn’t seem to care, shooting you a beautiful smile, the ones that only children had “… can we stay a bit longer?”.
And if the crawling hadn’t already put him on guard as the child raised his head, he showed him the same blue eyes he saw each day in the mirror.
He shot you a look, as you immediately shrank away from him, moving towards the child as you helped him up, easing him onto the light braces you had in a small fabric bag beside you, Ivar hadn’t noticed.
You helped the child in them expertly, as he continued on pleading on staying more but you were a woman on a mission.
And Ivar was a man glued on the ground beneath his feet.
“Eric, sweetheart, we promised that we would have had lunch with grandma and you also need a bath” your tone was sweet but stern, but it wasn’t tender because of his situation, but more because of a motherly instinct.
As the baby has his braces again, he was able to stand upright and he turned to Ivar, almost asking for some help with his mother, but as he did so, he realized that Ivar wore similar braces the search of pity became surprise.
“Mom, mom! He is like me!” there was no intention to shame him, but simple childish naivety and joyful happiness, but you immediately turned away from Ivar, and shot him one last look, as the big burly man not only found him stuck on the ground, but also speechless.
“It was nice meeting you Ivar, but I hope that you won’t found me again”.
And like that, you were gone.
With what looked like his child.
---
You weren’t able to properly feel safe till you heard the door slamming as Eric complained lightly about ‘wanting to play more’.
Your mother appeared from the kitchen, her hair still damp from the shower she had had.
To try to help you and Eric she had taken a small job at the florist shop near your house: she had always loved plants and flowers so she actually enjoyed working there, and sometimes would bring small plants home to ‘brighten the mood’.
“Eric, (Y/N)?” she looked at you weirded out by your early return: usually Saturday you would go out with Eric and then stay there till lunch time, to work the rest of the afternoon at the diner, having the night off for your small bartender job “… you are early”.
“It’s mom’s fault!” complained Eric, whenever he would do that he would resemble Ivar very much, making you almost want to raise your voice at the small boy, but you tried to calm yourself well aware that he didn’t know that you had done this to protect him “.. and there was a man like me at the park, today, grandma!”.
“Eric, go take a bath” you put more sternness than you should have in your tone, regretting it as the boy stumped his way to the bath and mother sent you a worried look, but you waited for the shower water to run before you answered your mother’s non-verbal question.
“I saw Ivar at the park, this morning” you mumbled and your mother immediately came closer to you, as you slowly slumped onto the sofa “… I had seen him yesterday, already, but I… thought it was a coincidence”.
You felt panic washing through you as you tried to breath deeper in order to regain some kind of control over your body, which was trembling horrendously.
“… sweetheart… did he see Eric?” your mother tried to bring some order to your chaotic mind as you tried to adjust yourself in a more comfortable position.
“Yes, he did”.
And then came the realization that Ivar now knew about your child.
“Baby of mine, don’t panic” he mumbled softly, as she tightened her grip around you, drawing relaxing circles onto your back “… he might not…”.
“Mom he is a cripple, but he isn’t stupid!” you shouted, immediately covering your mouth with an hand to stop the horrid sound from leaving your mouth, worried about Eric hearing you “… I am worried… what if he… comes here? What if…?”.
“He has no right to him” your mother spoke with confidence “… he broke up with you, he didn’t have the right to know there and he doesn’t now, don’t forget it”.
“He is rich, mom, he might… he might get Eric…” Gosh you couldn’t even think about the possibility of Ivar coming for Eric.
Although he had admitted, back then, he never wanted children, you had seen the look on his face as he had taken in Eric, realizing it was his.
You were worried.
“Don’t worry your pretty head, (Y/N)” she hugged you tighter as she tightened the hug “… it is your child, it isn’t his”.
“I can’t live without Eric” you uttered lightly as she softly cooed in your neck to help you calm yourself down “… I don’t know what I would do without him…”.
“… then it won’t happen” she gave you a comforting pat “… don’t think about things that haven’t happened yet”.
“Mom, I…” you didn’t know what to say anymore, the anxiety slowly burning through you “… I know, thank you”.
“Nothing to thank, sweetie, it’s my job” Eric appeared on the threshold of the kitchen, the towel almost making him trip on his own feet “… and our little man might need a bit of help”.
Helping Eric made you calm down a bit, as the little boy told you all about the fact that he had been able to get himself up the small castle stairs by himself all alone.
‘Coach Broadwick, said that I need big hands if I want to be a goalie!” he squealed as you brushed his hair together to dry them faster ‘… grandpa would have been proud, wouldn’t he?”.
“Of-super-course, sweetie!” you smiled at him softly, before you proceeded to smack his entire faces with kisses, as you helped him put his shirt, your mother called you both out for lunch “… let’s see what grandma made for us”.
As you turned, thinking that you had closed the Ivar’s debating, he muttered:
“Did you know the man that was like me, mom?”.
Although you had vowed to avoid lying to you child, you wished you could do it this time, with a light heart.
“He was an old friend” you muttered your tone so quiet that even Eric seemed to understand that it was better not to ask for more “… now we better hurry or grandma’s delicious lunch will be cold!”.
And Eric seemed to finally relax himself, forgetting all about that man.
And you hoped Ivar had done the same.
---
Ivar wasn’t able to simply forget the sight he had seen at the park.
You and a child.
His child.
Because it was either that or you had a fetish for fucking crippled men.
He didn’t know what to do, immediately choosing to leave the kid to their respective parents since he felt like he was slowly spiraling through what looked like’ memory lane’.
He excused his action with Ubbe, justifying it as Freydis needing a hand at the fertility clinic and his brother didn’t say anything simply asking whether he could do something more.
‘Let me know if I can do something for you’ had replied weakly Ubbe, not a true offer.
He couldn’t help him with what he needed.
But somebody else could.
He stumbled all the way to Heahmund’s apartment, an elegant loft which matched perfectly the personality of the distinguished lawyer.
Who was fucking a girl onto the table of his kitchen.
Ivar simply coughed to let his presence known and the girl immediately almost stumbled away from the kitchen, Heahmund’s cock sloppily leaving her, as she fell onto the ground, her knees weak for the amazing sex.
“What the fuck, Ivar?!” instead shouted Heahmund, annoyed and angered, it wasn’t the first time it had happened and he seemed almost used to it, retrieving his boxers from the ground “… it is fucking Saturday morning”.
“… I had the need of a professional consult” he simply replied, muttering lightly as Heahmund pushed his shirt onto the poor girl, barely able to calm herself, but glad for the shirt.
“Fucking come back Monday” the girl sneaked to the bedroom, probably to retrieve her clothes.
“It’s urgent”.
“How can it be so fucking urgent to disrupt my lovely Saturday morning?” replied immediately Heahmund, pushing a hand through his hair shaking them lightly.
“I have son” muttered Ivar and Heahmund promptly stopped what he was doing.
“… no, you fucking don’t, son of a bitch of a cripple” shouted back Heahmud, coming towards him in a threatening way “… you told you couldn’t get your cock up!”.
Once the company had gone pretty well and they had gone out to party: it turned out that Ivar was a sad drunk and had dunked onto Heahmund is entire family’s history.
“… I could… once” he couldn’t still believe it “… she was an old school sweetheart, it was my first time”.
And yours.
He remembered the way your face had morphed in pain and the blood that had coated the sheets of your bed, the way you had rushed to hide them, obliging Ivar to throw them.
‘Please my parents will fucking get angry with me if they found out I had sex!’.
How pissed had they been when they discovered you were carrying a child?
“What you are telling me… is that, my friend, who constantly complains he can’t get it up, once did?” and before Ivar could glare at him a skeptic look “… and had a fucking child? How fucking low are the chances to get pregnant on your first try?”.
“The gods love me” replied Ivar, a smug smirk on his face, although he didn’t understand why.
“No no, God fucking hates you” mumbled Heahmund as he sat onto his sofa, meanwhile Ivar moved onto the farthest armchair, checking it for any body fluids “… and how did you discover?”.
“I met her in a park, and she had her child with her” Heahmund was the one to send him a skeptical look this time “… he had braces, like me… I know he is my child Heahmund”.
“And you believe that because he had braces, he might be your son?”.
Ok, honestly that sounded creepy.
“… Heahmund, the timing is perfect, and the braces aren’t simply there for show, he fucking has osteogenesis imperfecta!”.
“Then why don’t you go to her house and talk with her about this?” shout back the lawyer, making Ivar still on the spot.
He had seen the way you had shrank away from him as he had taken in your son.
You had hidden him from Ivar, willingly.
He was sure.
Hence, he couldn’t just barge in your house and ask for explanations.
“… she hasn’t simply forgotten to notify me the fact that she was pregnant, Heahmund, she hid it willingly” and then he felt like he had to share what had happened in that diner, not so long ago “… I broke up with her a few weeks after we had… we did the deed… it wasn’t anything serious… my brothers had dared me to do it, since they said we were too clingy… and I… I would have cleared the entire thing the following day…”.
“That is a truly enlightening lesson on toxic masculinity believe me” humored him Heahmund, as he adjusted on the sofa “I’d say she has her reasons to make you stay away and I… don’t understand your need to meet her and the son… look at you: you are successful, you have a beautiful soon-to-be-wife and you are trying for a child”.
But he couldn’t just simply shake off his son’s eyes.
The joy in them, the way you had naturally acted with him that honestly had brought a smile onto Ivar’s face.
It wasn’t easy to simply forget about this.
“She works as a waitress” Heahmund gave him a simply skeptic nod as if to say ‘what about it’ “… what if she can’t take care of my child? What if she has money troubles?”.
“I’d avoid saying that to her face… women don’t take easily words like that”.
“I just want to try to make this right”.
Something in Ivar’s tone got the best of Heahmund, who huffed annoyed, but replied.
“… we take the law outside of it for a bit, or you are going to scare her… try to set up a meeting with  her and talk about the child, make sure that you tell her you are doing this for the child’s wellness”.
“Ok” that sounded reasonable and he could check out the diner he had gone to yesterday to try to talk to you: at work you certainly wouldn’t have thrown a fit “… and this goes unsaid, but… don’t utter a word to Freydis”.
“… my lips are sealed” and then eyeing the almost dressed woman he was just fucking on his kitchen table a few minutes before, he muttered hungrily smiling at her “… but now I have business to attend to”.
---
Lunch with Eric and your mother had eased your nerves although you were still nervous about Ivar.
But working helped you ease the stress, keeping your mind busy, as you scurried around the tables, thinking that not only you were covering the afternoon shift, but you would be working till midnight at a nearby bar.
And then, you saw Ivar.
He was sat onto one of the table, and not only you almost stumbled onto one of your fellow coworkers, but you were sure that you were having hallucinations, till Ivar got up, catching your gaze onto him.
And then he moved towards you.
And you run your way out back in the kitchen, an amazing idea, had Will been there.
But the kitchen was empty, since Will had moved onto the bar stool to chat amicably with Mrs. Innbitt, a nice older woman who had lost her husband a few years ago and would try every receipt Will would give her.
You were just able to steal a small look at the barstool, because as you turned Ivar was upon you.
You let out a shocked screech, immediately shutting yourself with a hand onto your mouth, hoping you hadn’t alerted anybody, although you definitely felt uneasy.
Not only Ivar was closer to you than it was healthy, but it immediately brought you back to the child discourse.
“… now you are officially stalking me” you mumbled, as he backed away quickly, immediately understanding your discomfort.
“Maybe I am doing it because you hid my son for five years” he replied, shocking you enough that you were the one to take a step back, stumbling onto a small table with flour on it, your hands absorbing it, staining them white.
“It isn’t your son” it wasn’t a proper defense, but it was all you had in mind.
“… oh, then you have a fetish for cripples” this time it was Ivar who had raised his voice and you gave him a hateful glare, being the one to tell him to ‘kindly fucking lower his voice’.
“What the fuck, Ivar?” and now it was all rage “… you come back five years and expect everything to fall on its place?!”.
“… I would have expected you to tell me, at least, that you were pregnant with my child”.
Although he hadn’t screamed, his words hurt you even more, and you shrank in yourself, as your legs lightly trembled.
“… it isn’t your child” you were simply able to utter, as he simply shook his head.
“(Y/N) don’t treat me like an idiot” he stammered, and in his tone you could almost feel the Ivar you had known, begging desperately to be allowed to show his worth “… the kid… he is like me, I have seen myself enough times in the mirror to know what ‘osteogenesis’ is like”.
“He is my child, solely mine” you muttered, grabbing onto the table, as you dug your fingers in it “… you are simply a sperm donor”.
Ivar seemed taken aback and the young Ivar you had seen in his look quickly disappeared.
“… that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t be part of his life, (Y/N)”.
You hated the way his name sounded in his mouth.
Because it sounded like the only way it was pronounced.
“No, I chose what is and isn’t part of his life” you shouted back, although you were well aware you must have sounded like a dictator.
Ivar seemed taken aback from your anger: you had never been like that with him, but you had certainly grown up so he shouldn’t have expected anything less.
He took a big breath to collect himself.
And then spoke.
“…I know, but I also know what it means for a child to grow up without a father” he spoke, each word slowed down to represent its meaning “… don’t let him become me”.
“That’s what I am doing and that is why I don’t want you near him”.
“Then I don’t think there are other solutions” he looked at you in the eyes “… I do think that I’ll have my lawyers know…”.
That was your worst nightmare.
Your eyes froze onto him and your hands moved on their own onto his arms, surprising you and him, as you immediately retreated, but you still saw Ivar’s nostalgy in his eyes.
“… please don’t”.
You wouldn’t have enough money to support yourself and Eric’s health, paying for a lawyer and battles for the custody of a child were long and tiring.
“… then give me a chance!” Ivar sounded sincere, almost desperate in his attempt to meet your son “… I am not asking for him to become my son, just… I want to know him”.
Something broke inside of you.
But you couldn’t surrender so quickly.
“… what made you change your mind?” you asked him, bringing yourself to look at him in the eyes, in order for him not to lie to your face “… about children… you didn’t want to have them, back then…”.
“I…” he seemed not to know it he, himself “… me and my fiancée are trying for a child…”.
“He won’t be your surrogate child or a training dummie” you immediately spoke out, your tone stern but not broken “… he is a child, and if you want him to be… if you want to…”.
“I know this isn’t easy to accept” his tone was strangely soothing “… but I don’t mean to hurt him”.
“… you better” you took a deep breath, getting away from the table “… I am thinking about this… I’ll give you an answer before next Saturday”.
He seemed baffled by the fact that you were attempting to take time but allowed you with a small nod.
“… I’ll leave you my number” he simply mumbled, as you moved out of the kitchen.
Dread was setting on your stomach in that moment, but strangely you stole one last look at Ivar who was searching his card in his wallet, being able to stare at him without him noticing.
He had certainly changed in all the ways that heightened his figure, bringing him to gain muscles, but his expression had remained the same shadowed and grumpy, in a way that got your heart to gently shudder at that sight.
But you immediately turned as Ivar found the card and moved towards you, limping in that way that he hated but to you it was as familiar as if a day hadn’t passed since you had first met him.
And fell in love with him.
“I’ll call you” you mumbled, taking the card and he tried to smile at you, but worry still shone on his face, and although he hadn’t a reason to want your child to be also his, he… seemed to want it…
… desperately.
“I hope you do” he mumbled, before walking away and turning one last time, effectively surprising “… can I… can I at least know his name?”.
“Eric” you should have avoided saying it, not wanting Ivar to find him, God only knew what that cunning shit could do.
But he simply seemed out of his wits, amazed by the name.
“It’s a good name”.
---
You had named your child Eric, a typical Norse name, meaning ‘ever ruler’.
It couldn’t simply be a coincidence.
It meant something.
You still had somehow a respect for Ivar in naming the child that way, which could show that, although you had been truly cold-hearted with him, you still… latched onto him.
As he did with you.
The memories and the desire to be closer intensifying as the memory of your child came to replay in his mind.
Eric had his eyes, but he had your smile, open and careless, in a way that made him carefree and frail.
He wondered whether he wouldn’t fall asleep at night because his legs hurt too much.
He certainly had back then.
If his braces were comfortable enough.
If you kissed him on the forehead as Aslaugh always did with him.
If being a parent meant worrying, he certainly was on the right way.
He fell onto the bed, completely exhausted, as he tried to kick off his unlaced boots, a message on his phone shining to show a message from Heahmund.
‘How did it go, baby daddy?’.
He was barely able to unlock his phone before he felt the telltale rummaging of keys against metal signaling that Freydis had come home and he made sure to lock his phone, pushing it into the first drawer of his bedside table, as he adjusted onto the bed, stretching himself and pushing the braces off the bed, knowing it pissed off Freydis to find them there.
“I am home!” she giggled gently and any trouble he might be having was washed away from his mind, as he tried to reign himself away from the memory of Eric and (Y/N).
“I am glad you are” he mumbled softly, as she dropped her bags in the kitchen, got a small drink from the orange juice cardboard, as she always did after the long session of hormones and other therapies “… I am in the bedroom”.
She immediately joined him, her heeled shoes already off, as she discarded her coat and jacket, revealing an elegant white blouse, showing her small curves, matched perfectly with a black skirt, the image of the elegant businesswoman.
And although she was irresistible, his mind went back to you in a comfortable hoodie and worn out sneakers.
Which wasn’t good.
“… how did your day go?” she asked, as he moved onto the bed, a bit far away from him to get off her stockings.
“Ahem…” ‘I have solely discovered that my high school sweetheart has had a child with me’ “…it was nice… what about you?”.
He tried to shift the attention, grateful that the hormonal cures made her tired and sleepy.
“… as always tiring” she mumbled, moving lightly towards him, a few buttons of her blouse coming undone in a naïve provocation “… but I am glad, the doctors are saying that it’s improving!”.
“Oh, that is nice” he says without thinking too much about it “… have they told you something about me?”.
He grimaced when Freydis nodded her head, but was immediately comforted as she grabbed his hand, gripping it tightly.
“… the usual hour, next week” she mumbled gently, rubbing her thumb onto the back of his hand, in a gesture that used to be soothingly alluring for him, but now he couldn’t help but feeling like she was rubbing  piece of coarse paper against it “… I know it isn’t easy for you, but… I appreciate it Ivar, you are working for our future”.
He had never wanted to have children till Freydis had come in the picture.
He still didn’t know why he wanted them maybe it was the desperate need for something to leave behind and Freydis’ love for them.
Their relationship had definitely moved faster than it was conventionally approved, but he hadn’t minded it.
He had never had somebody who had cared for him, so when Freydis had come in the picture, so gentle and sweet, he hadn’t been able to stop himself from falling in love with her, to the point that she could ask for the moon and he would have given it to her.
He hadn’t been in love like this with you, it wasn’t this intense and maddening, it had been low and timid, in the shy way all high school crushes were born.
But it still haunted him to these days.
“… Ivar” called him Freydis and he immediately turned to her, with a questioning look “… you haven’t heard anything I said, have you?”.
“I am sorry, I just have a bit of… I am just tired”.
“So, am I” shot back gently Freydis, stirring herself so that she could make her body come closer to him, pushing her hand into his “… let’s just go to bed, and talk about all of this tomorrow”.
He nodded, adjusting himself on his side.
“Goodnight, love”.
He couldn’t help but feel more relaxed because of this, but the last image that laid in front of him was Eric grabbing your hand, as you ran away from him.
“Goodnight, Ivar”.
He wondered, at last, if you had wished Eric ‘goodnight’.
---
The entire week had been pretty tough on you.
But what was worse was the fact that Eric had realized your bad mood pretty quickly, even going as far as asking you on Sunday, before leaving for your job, if you were angry with him.
‘No no, sweetie’ you had tucked his hair behind his ears, gently kissing his forehead ‘… I am just a bit busy with some things’.
‘… need my help?’ had asked the little boy, making you smile sadly at him.
‘You already give me too much help, sweetie, just think about your soccer match!’ you had then ruffled his hair but sent a meaningful look at his mother.
Please don’t let him know of everything that has been going on.
You either found out a way to pay your lawyer or you would have to let Ivar see your child.
You hadn’t met him in five years, so you didn’t trust him, in the slightest.
Your mother, although she would have supported any decision you would have taken, insisted that you tried to mend the relationship with Ivar, even more after she had heard about his suggestion of helping you financially.
‘Mom I am not going to let him control me with money! He can’t buy his son back from me!’.
You had almost felt insulted by her proposal.
‘… but (Y/N) think about this attentively: he might help us with Eric’s cures, don’t do it for him but do it for your child’.
‘I can take care of my child’ you had retorted, and your mother had eventually dropped the argument.
Now it was Wednesday night, you had checked Eric’s homework and were getting ready for your first trial at the art gallery, worrying lightly due to your mother’s absence.
She had promised you she would take care of Eric, meanwhile you were out.
It was strange she still wasn’t back there, and when it came to an hour before the entire thing you tried calling her, worried both about work and her as Eric finished his dinner, watching the latest Avenger movie.
You hadn’t been able to get in contact with your mother till fifteen minutes had passed, and when she had answered you the situation had worsened.
‘(Y/N)… I was at the theatre, what are you calling me for?’.
“Mom you should have… you were supposed to be babysitting Eric, meanwhile I was on the trial thing at the gallery!” you remembered her, trying to understand what to do, since your mother was clearly unavailable for the evening.
You tried to remember the name of the babysitters you liked, immediately running their numbers in your memory
“… (Y/N) no you didn’t tell me, I am sure…” you huffed out loudly “… don’t huff at me young lady! It wasn’t written in the timetable!”.
And to your horror, as you moved to check, you found out you hadn’t written it, probably for the fact you were too taken by your inner turmoil and indecision about Ivar.
“… I am coming back immediately, but it’ll take me an hour, sweetie, I have to wait for Marissa!”.
You had thought, as you rushed because it was missing simply half an hour to your interview, it would be simple.
But it wasn’t… in the slightest.
Half of the babysitters weren’t available, and the other ones didn’t babysit anymore.
You didn’t trust your neighbors enough to put Eric in their hands, but the list was running short and you would be running late.
This honestly terrified you extremely aware that the job might be an amazing offer to help you take less works and stay more with Eric earning better, but you couldn’t just leave Eric alone.
The thing was starting to become low key nerve-wrecking for you, because although you loved your role as a mother, you had loved the thought of going back into a place where you wouldn’t be serving plates and calming drunkards.
You couldn’t believe that you were ruining completely that chance for you.
Then your phone buzzed again, an unknown number and you answered thinking that maybe it was one of the babysitters’ friends.
But as you picked up the call you were surprised.
“Hello, (Y/N)” Ivar’s voice was pretty hoarse through the phone “… your mother has called me”.
You almost cursed, stopping yourself a you realized that Eric was in the room.
“… what do you want, Ivar? It isn’t Sunday yet!”.
“Your mother talked about you having need of a babysitter” he ignored your indignant tone.
“No no, don’t worry I solved it” you replied, almost slamming the ‘end call’ button.
“(Y/N) I can come, I am nearby, I don’t have a trouble…”.
“Ivar this isn’t… this isn’t…” Gosh you didn’t know what to say.
Certainly, you were still wary about the thought of actually letting your son meet up Ivar, but it was a solution to a problem that was tormenting your body, enough to make you tremble.
“This isn’t an official meet up, you can give me every rule you want, I can also just stay silent for the entire night, I just…” and he took a deep breath, it was evident that he was both hopeful and stubborn and there was a desperation in his voice that froze you “… I just want to help you”.
You thought about it: you either gave up the chance for which you had been working so hard and which wouldn’t come back or you allowed the father of your child to see him, which was an alternative that scared you in a way that was completely irrational.
“I…” you didn’t know, you didn’t know what to do, but then took a small look at Eric, trying ‘discreetly’ to listen onto your conversation, and as you met those beautiful blue eyes… you were just frozen on the spot, and answered with a lower tone “… you can come, but you are not his father, you a friend of mine”.
“Thank you, (Y/N)” his tone was almost moved, and you tried to stop yourself from matching his.
“My mother will come in an hour, all you have to do is check that Eric take his medicines and gets in bed, without breaking any bones”.
“I know the drill, believe me” his voice was more joyful than sarcastic which was strange “… I am going to take care of him”.
“You better” you mumbled biting on your tongue “… this is your chance to prove me that you are worthy to be part of my child’s life, you better not fuck it up”.
---
As he had arrived you were in a black attire, a small little back outfit on you and although he was well aware it wasn’t as expensive as the ones Freydis wore, it certainly did the best it could for your figure.
He had tried his best not to stare at you, meanwhile you explained him the rules: no sugar, no movies, Eric just had to take his medicines and be in bed, he could play a bit and maybe read to develop his abilities, but he needed to be in bed for when your mother came back.
Eric, for the entire time, had remained in his room, although the door was open and Ivar had tried to take a few looks at the child, trying to see if his memory remembered him properly.
‘… Ivar I am trusting you with the most precious thing in my life, please… don’t…’.
‘I am not an idiot, (Y/N), you should know it better than anyone’ the sharpness of his tone had made you shudder lightly but you had hidden it, simply smirking at him one last way, calling Eric over, and kneeling at his side.
‘Sweetie, mommy is going to work tonight but grannie will soon be back, in the meanwhile you’ll stay with my friend, Ivar, the one from the park’ you explained to him gently, as you adjusted his cute hoodie.
‘The one like me?’ wondered aloud the boy, immediately moving to look at Ivar’s legs and crutches ‘… hi I am Eric’.
And he had shot out his hand to Ivar, leaving him confused, meanwhile you sent him a small nod, as if to allow him that grip.
‘Ivar’ he muttered, although he tried to brighten his tone with a small smile, but Eric didn’t seem to notice it, instead checking out his braces ‘… I like your braces, buddy’.
‘Ohhh, mommy got them solely for me!’ he explained enthusiastically, before he shout out a small leg to show him that at the end there were some stickers of the Avengers, meanwhile and… rather sarcastically a few of ‘The Flash’ ‘They are cool, aren’t they?’.
‘Super-duper’ he spoke, before shooting a reassuring look at (Y/N) ‘I think that we will be alright, you can go’.
‘Mommy is going to miss you’ you simply replied, not looking at Ivar and kissing the small man, who immediately washed away the kiss, faking of being ashamed.
At least him and the little man had something similar.
“Please don’t…” you spoke, one last time grabbing your coat.
“I won’t, now go and get that job”.
The smile you had was the gentlest he had ever seen, and he couldn’t help but stare at it even as you closed the door behind you, shooting one last look at Eric.
He was brought back from his trance by a light grip onto his hand, Eric.
“Want to play Avengers with me?”.
And for a moment he was thankful that Hvitserk had brought him along to see that movie.
They   didn’t spend much time discussing any plot, the small boy playing on his own and following around Ivar’s bad guy, and he immediately stopped as Ivar asked him whether he had a favorite superhero.
“It’s Thor!” he replied, immediately, grabbing the blond-haired hero “… he is super cool, and mom has told me all about him! The my… myth…mythlogy!”
“Mythology?” he replied, softly and the boy nodded “… has she told you about the time he had to dress up as a woman to get back his hammer?”.
Apparently no, with the way he shook his head immediately, lighting up interested.
The rest of the time passed with him telling his child stories, even when your mother walked in home and smirked at Ivar, although her eyes showed that she hadn’t forgotten the heartbreak he had made you go through.
‘Can you handle Eric for a bit longer? I am going to use the bathroom and then start getting him ready’ he looked at Eric who was pleading him with his eyes for another story.
‘I think I can’.
He then moved away as your mother came back, tucking in Eric and checking his bones and if he had taken the medicines and then wished ‘goodnight’ to him softly blowing a soft smile on his forehead.
He almost wished he could have done the same.
He hadn’t spent so much time with the boy, but he couldn’t help but feel attached to him already.
He had been worried to find somebody like him as a child, spoiled and grumpy, but Eric was an happy child, no matter his legs, he was active and sweet, curious enough to show that he was smart, but he wasn’t as cunning as him.
He believed that you had done an amazing good job, raising up the child.
Your mother came back, with a small smirk on her face.
“He says he wants to say ‘goodbye’ to you”.
And like that he slipped inside of the room of his son, taking a better look at it, realizing that it was a small and pretty crowded but tidy, and he didn’t know whether it was you who kept in order for the boy, himself.
But Eric soon caught his eyes again.
“… hey, Ivar!” he turned to him, stumbling closer to the bed “… your stories are even better than mom’s!”.
“I know, I know” he winked at him jokingly “… but don’t tell her, if I know one thing about your mother it is that she hates losing”.
“She does!” shouted back Eric, giggling lightly, as you always did when you heard something funny.
He wondered if you still did.
“Well I am glad you liked my stories! I hope to come over again to tell you more!” he replied, tentatively hoping that Eric speaking with his mother might convince her, although… he knew you could be even more stubborn than him.
“… I’ll tell her! And maybe we can watch ‘The Flash’ together! I can show you why I like him so so much”.
He honestly hated superheroes but due to the huge smirk on his son’s face he couldn’t stop himself from agreeing, and maybe… just maybe he would have finally enjoyed those movies.
“Of course, kiddo!” he promised, even swearing with the pinky promise, a small smirk on his own face, and the sudden realization of how small his son’s hand was instead of his, in a way that made him almost shiver at his frailty.
And he made to turn around, definitely nervous about how and what he should do next.
He knew that you wouldn’t have liked if he tried to say the things that were going around in his head in that moment, and although he knew it was a tough battle, he respected the boundaries you put around yourself.
“… Ivar!” Eric called him out one last time, his gaze focused onto his legs, in a way that showed him immediately the theme of the talk they were going to have “… do they also hurt you very much?”.
He stopped, the sunny boy he had met a few moments disappeared in a more introvert one, almost ashamed of his question, and Ivar couldn’t help but feel like that was his part, that was his legacy to him.
He had also been a scared little boy wondering what would be happening to him, if it was normal, finding a reason behind his pain.
“Yes, they still do” he couldn’t lie to his face like that “… but… you get used to it, and there are some things that can be useful for the pain…”.
“Mom always says that I am extraordinary for… the pain… like I am ever better than Flash!” he mumbled, a smile making its way on his face “… you are pretty cool too, Ivar”.
Although he hated all those stupid encouragement speeches, the sincerity in his son’s voice, shook him.
“… thank you, kiddo” and he then moved away, finding you in the hallways, trying to discard the painful heels you were wearing in a way that brought his heart back at your first prom together and how you had discarded the uncomfortable shoes, when you had hidden away from everybody in the porch of his house, bunching up the dress, to be more comfortable.
“Oh… you are back” he couldn’t help but feel stupid, but you didn’t give it too much thought, instead checking for Eric’s room, walking past him without giving him a second glance.
Eric faked of being asleep, but you still caught him, a small smirk onto your face, and you moved inside, tucking him better, as you pushed his braces away so that he wouldn’t trip over them when he would wake up tomorrow.
All the gestures of an attentive mother.
He couldn’t help but be a bit amazed, and as you finished the entire trip to Eric’s room.
You closed the door behind you, as he felt your mother doing the same, although he wouldn’t be surprised to know that she was listening with her ear onto the door.
“He seemed pretty happy” you muttered, clutching yourself tighter in your jacket.
“I hope your interview went well” he replied, a bit embarrassed suddenly.
“I’ll know in a few days” your voice didn’t let go anything in your tone, but he couldn’t help but feel like the night had gone well, no matter your worry.
“When will I know if…” ‘if I am allowed to see my son again?’.
“In a few days” your impassible tone broke a bit, letting some emotion pass “… thank you for coming”.
“He is my child, that’s the least I could do” he shot back, immediately “… even if you don’t want to accept it”.
Like that you were again still and rigid with him, going to the door to open it for him, in an obvious sign that he should go.
“… goodnight, Ivar”.
“Goodnight, (Y/N)”.
And now all he had to was hope he had done a good impression.
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miracvlovs · 3 years
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✗✗✗   you see [ kaleb yıldırım ] around lately? yeah i heard that the [ cis male ] is up to no good. [ he / him ] has been here for [ five years ] now but they’re still pretty [ abrasive ] which is fine because they’re also [ debonair ] so it balances out. the [ twenty-eight ] year old [ hitman for hire ] actually looks like a lot like [ alperen duymaz ], don’t you think? it’s best to watch out, though, because it’s been said that they’re really into [ strong cigarettes & even stronger whiskey ].
hey, hello, hi, bonjour! s’up buttercups? ‘tis i, your friendly neighbourhood loser chrissie ( a.k.a an irish doofus who is utter plot trash and the actual WORST at keeping track with discord messages, oops ) and i’m super duper excited to be here among you fab human beings! anywho, this is my first kiddo kaleb and he is … how do you say … morally grey. basically his morals are very questionable in every aspect. but! on the plus side, he’s very talented and good at his job even if he is ruthless and callous, oop. he is … the worst and also lowkey messed up inside tbh so pls excuse his blunt and sarcastic nature. plot-wise i’m open to literally anything and everything so come at me with any ideas ya got! i’m always diggity down to spit ball ideas and form some dope connections so pls feel free to invade my ims or hmu on le cord ( chrissie.#9606 ) and we can brainstorm until our heart’s content! if ya wanna, go ahead and light that lil grey heart up red and i’ll shimmy my butt your way for all of the good stuff. anywho, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty, shall we?
fundamentals.
KALEB EMER YILDIRIM     —     twenty-eight, hitman for hire,   +   one snarky son of a gun   /   troubled dude with daddy issues   /   all issues tbh ! 
aesthetics   ➤   dried blood caked into the grooves of cut knuckles, the lingering scent of smoke and gasoline, silver slivers of past scarring, five o’clock shadow peppering a blunt jawline, discolourations of blue and purple decorating battered hands, a subtle smirk etched upon a devious countenance, calloused fingertips riddled with small paper cuts, dark circles under almost-black eyes, the noise of screeching tires in the middle of the night, a tall stature adorned in all-black attire, ghosts of bruises staining calloused skin green, a scuffed zippo lighter in a pack of marlboros containing only one cigarette, white shirts with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, a sly grin under stormy dark eyes, a sniper on the roof of a deserted building, the roar of a car engine, & clenched, white-knuckled fists.
nicknames. kal.
date of birth. november third.
gender. cis male.
pronouns. he + him.
birthplace. manhattan, nyc.
orientation. bisexual + aromantic.
education. bachelor of music degree obtained from manhattan school of music.
spoken languages. can speak fluent english, turkish, spanish, & french.
negative traits. haughty, abrasive, enigmatic, cynical, temperamental, calculating, hedonistic, distant, sarcastic, & volatile.
positive traits. adept, diligent, charming, resilient, candid, adept, charming, audacious, determined, & resourceful.
strengths. efficient, energetic, self-confident, strong-willed, strategic thinker, charismatic, & inspiring.
weaknesses. stubborn, dominant, intolerant, impatient, arrogant, poor handling of emotions, cold, & ruthless.
talents. piano, retaining information, memory recall, lock-picking, carjacking, hand-to-hand combat, automobile knowledge, tracking people down, & excellent problem-solving abilities. 
physiology. dark brown eyes. dark brown hair. six feet, one inch tall. of a lean, broad stature with a straight posture and evident height. has a few silvery scars littered across his skin. has a few tattoos in a few less visible places. is ambidextrous.
psychology. scorpio zodiac. water element. slytherin house. entj-a. chaotic neutral. type eight enneagram. choleric temperament. interpersonal intelligence type. addicted to alcohol, tobacco, prescription drugs, cocaine, and cannabis. suffers from addiction and insomnia. his vices are lust, wrath and pride. his virtues are ... honestly, probably just diligence tbh.
background.
possible triggers   :   infidelity, divorce, alcoholism, drug abuse, cancer, death, car crash, funeral, blood, murder, suicide mention, gun mention, & various references to death and murder. 
a synopsis.   ah, here he is—my tol, troubled, grouchy son : ' ) don't u just adore ur resident trashy, snarky, but precious and sad fuckboi muse? bc i know I DO! anyways, before i digress, i'll cut to the chase. so, waaay before he blessed the universe with his presence, his mother ( who was originally from turkey ) moved to the states where she met one alexander hale. you can probably guess the rest: the pair married, they had children, everything seemed to be going swimmingly, yada yada. here’s a lil background: the hale family—a line of manhattan-born businessmen / lawyers / diplomats etc. they're dripping in wealth, not always as squeaky clean as they portray themselves as to be. kaleb’s dad was a douche, expected both of his sons to follow in his shadow and become lawyers, ran around behind his wife's back: the whole shoot and shebang of a classic a-hole. he always kind of ignored kaleb in favour of his eldest son joshua so kaleb kinda became hard-hearted and resentful due to the lack of his father's attention. skip a few years and he spied his dad cheating on his mother with his secretary though he refused to tell another soul for fear of any potential backlash. soon enough, his mother found this out for herself, their argument ruined his thirteenth birthday party then they divorced soon after. his mother fell off the wagon, became terminally ill—all while his father was remarrying and expecting a daughter with his secretary. it was a hella rough two years for kaleb. it got even worse. eventually, his mother passed away and his step-mother divorced his father to breeze off into the sunset with her new lover; leaving her daughter with her piss-poor excuse of a dad. at this point, kaleb was lonely and angry but adopted the role of his step-sister's protector, shielding her from their father's increasing substance abuse induced violence. just before his seventeenth birthday, his father died in a car crash. of course, he didn't entirely mourn the loss. almost immediately, he and his younger sister moved in with their elder brother who helped kaleb get into university. with dear ole dad out of the picture, he could finally pursue his interest and flair for music. after he graduated, he moved to santa ysabel with his brother and brother's family. in the beginning, things were going fine. yeah, sure, he was struggling for work and felt bad that his brother had to keep him afloat. normal stuff. then, one day, things quickly turned sour in his world. [ TRIGGER FOR GORE, BLOOD, SUICIDE MENTION, GUN MENTION, MURDER, DEATH ] he’d came home to find the locks on the doors busted, advancing into the house carefully only to find his brother’s lifeless corpse crumbled on the kitchen tiles: his throat and wrists slashed, posed as a suicide. of course, kaleb knew better. he knew his brother; knew he would never leave him or his family. upon further inspection of the house, he’d discovered the body of his wife upstairs: a bullet hole between her eyes. [ TRIGGER OVER ] the whole ordeal was enough to turn his stomach but once the sickness had subsided, all kaleb felt was a strong thirst for blood. sure, it was pretty damn stupid to try and seek revenge or whatnot ... but kaleb had always been one to let his heart guide his brain. anyways, time skip now to the moment he’d uncovered his brother’s entanglement with some dodgy loan shark, drug dealing criminals who were responsible for his murder. in the end, he’d hunted them down and eradicated them one by one, over a span of weeks. at first, he hated himself and what his desire for vengeance had turned him into but he kept going until he’d got them all: until he’d grown numb. truthfully, how he wound up taking lives for a living is beyond him. he woke up one day, found himself hired by some big-wig businessman who wanted rid of his business partner and et voilà, he was tangled up in the dark side of existence. i mean, was he blackmailed into doing his first paid hit? yes. but who can blame him? especially when they claimed to have intel regarding the sudden demise of a prominent figure in the criminal underbelly of the city, a.k.a his brother’s killer. it was a risk kaleb simply couldn’t take. he prefers to keep himself anonymous, hidden behind shadows, unsuspecting. death has become a job. nothing more. nothing less. it’s simply the algorithm of his existence: receive a dossier, take care of the target, get paid a hefty lump sum. and all just for enacting a stranger’s revenge in the blood of another. he moves like a deadly phantom, his footsteps light as a feather, whipping through the night like a bullet through a target’s skull. sartre claims that hell is other people. and if you were to stare into kaleb’s eyes—eyes eerily similar to having been cut from coal—you might just see hell and everyone in it staring right back at you. as nietzsche wrote: “ he who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. and if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee. ”
random extras.
he has a lot of small scars over his body, most of which he can’t account for or has forgotten about.
owns and drives a black 1969 boss 429 mustang which he loves arguably more than he loves himself.
speaking of, he actually is full of self-hatred so don’t let the haughtiness fool you.
trusts nobody but himself and is loyal to nobody but himself.
has a lot of anger issues so often ends up taking part in underground fights.
he rates around a solid three on the kinsey scale.
is a distant person; closed-off emotionally and prefers to keep himself to himself.
when it comes to whether or not he is morally decent or an extremely bad person, he is somewhere in the middle of that spectrum.
he isn’t heartless but he isn’t exactly compassionate either.
kind of shady but knows how to pass himself as charming. 
has been thru sum shit n seen sum shit so he’s v messed up inside.
though he does have a soft spot for animals and children.
his marksmanship is impeccable.
he’s naturally gifted with firearms and his shot is always on point.
dark eyes and bruised knuckles are his ultimate aesthetic tbh.
actually really appreciates classical music, though he’ll never tell. blame it on his piano lessons from childhood.
speaking of piano, he’s low key gifted at playing although he rarely does these days.
has a very short fuse and can lose his temper quite easily.
he has a good heart and good intentions when it comes to those he actually cares about although he’ll never let this show.
favourite coping mechanism? isolation.
a bit of a lone wolf. he keeps people at arm’s length but acts in a way where people are under the illusion he’s their friend.
basically the tall, dark and handsome trope: ( most of the tall, dark and handsome men display aloof, cold and distant personality but they do have a gentle and caring side. )
is a little snarky and grumpy but if you manage to break this exterior, you’ll find he’s quite witty and easy going.
he got into fighting at a young age. it was the only way to try and learn how to defend himself against his father.
sleep?? he doesn’t know her.
tends to repress his emotions until he explodes.
healthy coping mechanisms?? he doesn’t know them either.
is prone to pushing the self destruct button.
you can find a pinterest board for him by clicking anywhere here.
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lady-spieroles · 4 years
Note
Ooh! Why not write about Dinite's pov when he first met his zombie champion and what he thought of the skull temple he built? :P
I am primarily a Sparklez watcher so I did have to dabble in spoilery territory to make sure I was getting exactly how Dianite is being portrayed this go around. So spoiler warning to those who don’t watch Toms POV.
Also note, as of now (17 May 2020) I am going with the theory that none of the Gods are good or evil this season, instead all are working with their own motivations and plans to reach the same goal. The goal being to grow into their full capabilities and power with the help of the heroes.
Enjoy and as always
Find me on Ao3:
Selenejessabelle12626 for the tame stuff
Lady-Spieroles for the less tame stuff ;)
~
Dianite had retreated to the sanctity of his lair upon the feeling of power that surged through the air. All three of them knew what it meant. After years of waiting, watching, planning, it was finally time to set their plans in motion. He was under no illusion that his siblings did not have plans of their own. Nor that they thought him without his own. It was all they’d had to look forward to their entire lives. The day that each of them would meet a mortal hero that Mother had prophesied the arrival of. These mortals would be the one who led them to reach their true potential and to grow into the powers they all possessed. 
The flowers in his lair rose to greet him as his power touched them, glowing from within with ethereal essence to light the cavern far beneath the surface. He had been born knowing who he was, they all had been. The three Gods, Chaos, Order and Balance. His urges to destroy, burn, and otherwise reap chaos had only grown stronger with age. Mother, in her infinite wisdom had known such a thing would happen. She’d worked with him to curb these urges when he was younger, to channel his innate Chaos not into destruction but into another facet, entropy. He could be Chaotic in his lack of predictability. What was the least expected thing for a boy who dreamed of flames? A passion for horticulture and botany of course. 
By the time he’d grown and Mother had gone, his tendencies to lean into that persona had caused it to become who he was. The truest sign of entropy, of unpredictability, was the God of Chaos to be sweet and kind, shying away from what all would expect.
He laid a hand upon a crawling vine, feeding it a sliver of his power, a golden glow emanating and illuminating the extent of the cavern. Here was where he’d begun to study the prophecy further. He was not his sister, he did not get visions and glimpses into the realms and dimensions beyond this one, he had no clue what was to come besides what Mother had written. But weeks ago there had been a voice that had called to him, a creature praising him as ‘his Lord’. Ever since that day, Dianite had felt the urge to destroy begin to grow once more within him. But what was he to do? Was it truly his fate to bring about the Chaos that would destroy the realm? Was he to use this inner fire to defeat the evil that was coming? Was all the work he’d done to temper these urges for naught? 
He had much to consider. So much to plan for. And it began with what to do when he finally met the mortal that would lead him to come into his true powers.
It came several days later. The pull at his mind and soul. It fanned the flames in his mind as the voice returned, the same man praising him as his Lord chanting his name. This was it. He was in the safety of his lair, surrounded by his plants that would protect him from any threats that may come to befall his body if this were to be only a voyage of his mind. If Mianite were to come after him once he realized that Dianite had put binding pollen in his morning tea, preventing him from accessing his abilities and going to his own mortal, Dianite would be protected. But when Dianite opened his eyes, he had left his lair behind. 
It was a cave, like his own, except there was hardly a sign of life aside from the three men stood before him.
“Hello.” He said, hoping the man that would be his follower would be the one to step forward and speak.
It was the zombie who replied. Greeting him? It was strange, the way he spoke.
“Where am I?” Dianite couldn’t help but ask. This place was, depressing. Dark except for the glow of lava rock and fire. Where was the life? The flowers? 
Another of the men spoke up, red glasses perched on his face “Hey you seem nice.” He said with a smirk. Was this instead to be Dianite’s mortal hero?
“Welcome!” The zombie spoke up once more. “Welcome to Minetuga!” There was great enthusiasm in his voice and it was now that Dianite realized that this was the voice he’d heard before. This zombie was to be his follower it seemed. Wonderful. 
A waft of sulfur came from the lava stone and Dianite wrinkled his nose against the smell. “It looks burnt. Ew.” The disgust was less a spoken word and more of a sound that conveyed the feeling.
“This was was the Temple I made for you. To bring you back!” The zombie was saying, apparently having not heard what Dianite had said.
“You made this for me…?” This couldn’t be happening. Of course he would get a follower who thought he would want to embrace the destructive tendencies. Of course! Dianite couldn’t help but laugh in astonishment. It was truly just his luck.
“I made you a skull and everything!” The zombie tried to defend. “You’re currently standing in a demons skull!” He looked offended, shocked even. Well, it appeared entropy was hard at work. Dianite had managed to slap this zombie across the face with his unpredictability. 
“Is it just here? This room?” Dianite asked. What were the chances that his follower not only misunderstood him but was simply inept as well?
“Follow! Look I’ll show you!” The zombie waded into the small pool and swum out of the cave. Dianite sighed but flew after, flying back far enough to see what the zombie wanted to show him. What the zombie had claimed was a ‘demons skull’, was more like a grotesque monstrosity of some sort of monkey creature. It was horrifying to look at, not to mention, literally dripping lava. 
This was not worth it. This was not worth anything. The urge to destroy had grown into a burning flame within him, lightning pulling at his fingertips. He should smite this stupid zombie right now, prophecy be damned!
“Do you not know who I am? This is SCARY!” He yelled down to the zombie. He took a breath to calm the rage building within him and said, slowly so that they would understand. “I am the king of flowers. This, is disgusting.” 
For what it was worth, he looked proper offended, just as disgusted by Dianite as Dianite felt of him. He was already making snide comments to the other two, disrespecting his supposed God without a second thought. 
“I may have powers. But this is awful.�� Dianite said. “Is it meant to be a skull?” The zombie frowned and shouted some nonsense about fighting him. 
The fire in Dianite had only been fed by the argument. “It looks like someone who tried to make a skull but failed!” He sneered, chuckling at the zombies expense. The friends joined in, cackling with amusement. 
“You bright me all the way from my heaven… For this?!” He wished this had never happened. He just wanted to be alone with his plants, in his quiet lair, away from this nonsense.
“Heaven!?” The zombie shouted.
“Yes, where all the flowers are.” Dianite explained slowly, clearly this zombie was some kind of imbecile. But he needed this idiot. He needed him even if he didn’t like it. He took a deep breath, smothering the fire and his rage along with it. 
“Maybe… Just maybe…” He had to give the zombie a chance, he had no choice, not if he wanted the true power he was destined to possess. “If you can bring me some flowers, we can talk about working together.” Clearly this behavior was because he was a zombie, it had to be, there was no other explanation. “It must be the zombie in you.” He explained reluctantly. “I don’t like scary things, and you… you have scared me.”
“So. Here’s the thing.” The zombie said. “You weren’t exactly what I was expecting.” Well that was certainly no surprise. It was Dianite’s entire self, be the unexpected, Chaos through unpredictability rather than destruction. “But. I suppose… we can become friends? And get to know each other?” The zombie offered.
“What do you think I was expecting when you brought me out of my flower bath!” Dianite snapped at him. The anger had returned, something about this man left Dianite with an unusually short fuse, far shorter than normal. 
He took another breath. “Friends… Maybe.” Had Mianite and Ianite had this much trouble? Were the other two as inept at his own champion? “Bring me a flower, now.” He demanded, shaking his head. If his ‘champion’ could not do something as simple as this, all was truly lost. 
“YES SIR!” He shouted, swimming away as quick as he could. Well, perhaps there was hope to be had yet. 
The more Dianite thought about it, perhaps this zombie had potential. He’d had expectations of who Dianite was, maybe because he was the god of Chaos innately, or maybe instead because he’d met another version of him before? Ianite had spoken in passing of the visions she had of the other worlds, never in much depth, but she’d given him strange looks on occasion after mentioning other worlds. Was it a case of mistaken identity? Did this zombie think he was the same as another version of himself, was there a version that had embraced the Chaotic desires and this was what the zombie had expected? 
This was to be his fate it seemed. His powers and urges had only grown since the arrival of these mortals and if this was what it took to reach his goal, then so be it. 
I’m sorry Mother. It appears it is time for me to embrace my true nature.
His champion returned, presenting him with a simple poppy, nothing exciting but a flower nonetheless. The others were still there, present and eager to see how else Dianite might break whatever vision they’d had of who he’d be. He would have to be quiet about this. He enthused upon the flower, distracting the others with easy flirtation. But he touched the mind of the zombie, an easy task with his newfound strength.
“Shhhh… I am here to help you. Shhhhhh.” The zombie’s eyes widened but he said not a word. 
He needed to distract the other two further, keep them away while he spoke further with his champion.
“Can you get me a cake?” He asked of the one called Captain. He’d already brought forth his own flower ( a beautiful peony compared to the zombie’s boring poppy) and Dianite could feel his sisters touch upon him, this was her champion it seemed. Well. Ianite was no fool, this man would be the one to be cautious of. 
“I don’t know who you are…” Dianite spoke telepathically to the zombie as the Captain swam away to make a cake. “But let’s have some fun.” 
The zombie agreed with enthusiasm, unhearing of the taunts and mockery sent his way by. 
“I’ll await your instruction!” He said into Dianite’s mind, easily keeping up the telepathy while bantering with the other two. Practiced with secrecy then, that would come in handy. 
“Anyway, kids… who are you and why am I here?!” He knew the answers of course, but he was interested to hear what they might know of the situation. “You need to tell me what this world is.” “Where did these islands come from?” The menial chat had done its job, both the Captain and the other one had dispersed elsewhere but he needed them to stay elsewhere. 
“This is our world of Mianitia.” The zombie said. Out loud though he spun a tale of his arrival and the Captain’s soon after, both of them running from a plague upon their homelands. 
“What is your name boy?” Dianite asked, he grew tired of referring to the zombie as such. 
“They call me Syndicate.” Hmm, interesting, but good enough.
“Wanna do something?” They’d begin with general mischief. It had been sometime since Dianite had allowed his chaos to bleed with destruction. 
“Yes!!!” Syndicate replied, dark eyes nearly lighting in excitement. “What are we doing?”
Dianite had glimpsed a magnificent quartz structure in the distance, a temple to Mianite no doubt, it would be a fitting prank to follow up on the binding one he’d pulled on his brother earlier. 
“I have put some TNT in your inventory. Go and blow my brothers Temple up. I am blocking him from this world.” after a moments thought he gave him even more. Then watched as with little more than a smirk, Syndicate flew away to do the task he’d been assigned. Yes. This one would do nicely with a little bit of guidance. 
The sound of explosions echoed across the archipelago and Dianite gave a smirk of his own. Yes. He would do quite nicely indeed.
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aclosetfan · 3 years
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the pet peeve/pettiest opinion i have abt this fandom is how sometimes ppl portray the blues w/o any substance and/or any sort of depth like they do the greens and reds🤝
I don’t even think this is petty, it’s just true 🤷‍♀️ it seriously irks me to no end. I’m so glad you brought this up!!! lmaooo short response is I 100% agree with you.  unfortunately, I agree with you so much I wrote a whole freaking essay, which can be found under the cut. I could rant about this all day long. I don’t even care. The blues are such a disappointing couple :( I wish fic writers would cut out the cutesy pure bs that you find so often with these two.
I really think that the biggest problem with the blues (and Boomer) is all rooted in Bubbles’ characterization. I think she’s the most difficult for people to write because she’s the least “problematic.” And a lot of people don’t know what to do with her because no one can relate to unproblematic. She’s written as (excuse the annoying early 2010s expression, but it fits) the perfect cinnamon bun and there’s no conflict if a character doesn’t have some kind of internal conflict, they’re boring! They get tossed to the side!! Blossom is often written struggling with leadership and perfectionism. Buttercup is often written struggling with impulsiveness and aggression. People relate to them because they’ve “gone through things” most people have experienced themselves. Fic writers like writing Bloss and BC for the same reason because you can only write what you know! But shoot, writers still got to place Bubbles in somehow! So she’s either an airhead, or a crybaby, or too innocent/naïve, or the uwu character, which is good for a few laughs but 🤷‍♀️ it gets pretty 2D and old real quick. Her biggest issue in the show was people babying her, but usually, that conflict is written off in fics with one simple “OH so she’s actually a badass” scene and that’s like it?? It’s never visited again?? (Even though all her solo episodes focus on her accepting who she is despite what others think so idk if badass scenes actually do her justice. She’s a lover not a fighter at the end of the day tbh.) It’s understandable though. I struggle with Bubbles because I’m not as optimistic as her character, and I certainly don’t relate to being “the joy and laughter.” It’s hard writing someone whose fanon character is interpreted as practically flawless. In ppg fics you’re also juggling a big group of characters, so it’s advantageous to rely on the simpler archetype tropes. So, I think it’s easier for people to set Bubbles up in a relationship than explore her more thoroughly since she’s the sensitive one who would be into the lovey-dovey stuff. Further, if you want to give readers a break from the heavier themes of your main plot, having a cute side pairing is a good safe escape. Not a lot of thought is needed to make those relationships work. And since Boomer’s just there and also underdeveloped, they get paired together. And because people (rightly) want to stray from the predator/prey trope because Bubbles is just so Pure(tm) and the trope feels assault-y, writers make Boomer inherently good. But now you’re just stuck with two good, cute characters. That’s it. And because their plot in the story revolves around their romantic relationship, it's their relationship that is the only thing that aids in their character development. The blues make up the lighthearted B-plot (but probably more like C-plot because the greens are usually B-plot material) The blues seem to follow two tropes: 1. Pure childhood crushes—Boomer was always good and wants to do good by Bubbles and she wants to “protect” him from his “mean” brothers 2. Bubbles “fixes” Boomer, but he really doesn’t need any fixing in the first place because he was good all along, he just needed encouragement. (Weird side note, have you noticed how Bubbles is always like “Boomie you’re NOT stupid” and then all the sudden it’s like the boy has a PhD) And I'm not faulting anyone for having a b-plot relationship with the blues. If it’s done right, being in a relationship does wonders for people! But relationships are work and without the blues having their personalities developed OUTSIDE the relationship, there’s no “work” to be done. They’re just the Perfect Couple and it’s boring. Don’t get me wrong, I like the pairing (it’s v cute), but what’s nice about the greens and the reds is that each individual character has usually been personalized (Butch not so much, in my opinion, his character generally revolves around BC, but bear with me for argument's sake), which makes their relationships with other characters fun to read. The greens and the reds are flushed out because their most basic archetypes are the most relatable and easiest to write. The Blues, though, just seem to get together. Bubbles is a hard character to write, so by default, so is Boomer. They have no conflict outside each other that would trigger character development. They flirt, sometimes Bubbles resists, then they’re together. She’s the cutest thing ever and he’s a simp for it. Easy, fluffy, they fade to the background because now that they’re together what happens to them next?? Irl people either get married or they break up. Most of these fics are high school AUs, so they can’t get married, and no one wants the cute ones to break up, so they just start to enter and exit the story as convenient segues. And that’s disappointing because individually they could be so interesting. Bubbles has to struggle with the fact that people infantize her. Her ideas are often dismissed, people treat her like a ditz, and her ability to be a hero is often called into question because she’s the one who seeks peaceful alternatives, and when she DOESNT seek those alternatives, people in the show freak out and become scared. Like I said before, most bubbles centric episodes focus on her accepting her sensitive side and using it to overcome a conflict. Also, HIM’s like her main villain in all her episodes. and, shit, one of her nicknames is literally Chubbles. She’s been called fat a few times. There’s so much a writer can do with her conflict-wise. Optimism and sensitivity don’t equal naivety, we don’t have to make her Pure. In fact, it’d be way more fun to see her trying to show everyone that she’s no longer a child but a young woman. And Boomer has like 3 episodes, right? Maybe 4? Literally in all of them, he’s a bratty little boy. He carries slugs in his pockets. He’s bad at trash talking. Easily distracted. Fights with his brothers. Dumb and chaotic. Good at spitting. He doesn’t put Bubbles on a pedestal. He wants to beat her up. He’s not a good guy. Bubbles thinks he’s cute. That’s literally all we know about him lmao. He wouldn’t be soft so why would what we know translate into a boring unproblematic underdeveloped boy?? You can write him unfulfilled. You could write him stuck in his brothers’ shadows. You could write him as a weirdo who’s obsessed with bugs (to match bubbles animal obsession). In my head, if Brick’s the smart one and Butch is the strong one, I make Boomer the charming one. And charming boys are dangerous boys 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️he probably had to charm his way out of plenty of dumb situations. I also make him unluckily lucky since he gets captured by the girls in one episode, but he still makes it out just fine. Everything bad that could happen happens to him but Boomer’s like “eh 🤷‍♀️ It’ll blow over. Lol already died once. What can ya do?” So you've got a girl who is never taken seriously and a boy who takes nothing seriously and yall really think their relationship would be unproblematic??? Individually, these two characters could be fun to write if the fic author plans it out correctly! Idk why their relationship wouldn't be either. If you want a compelling romance, you’ve got to make compelling characters. 
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