#i know fuck all about the mountain goats

[ctrl-lupin]

Yes, I would be very interested hearing your head canon (@tim-ribbert-56) (in response to this post)

I have decided for my personal entertainment that Clarisse de Cagliostro is related to Lupin III, and here's why.

-pulls out Arsène Lupin's Wikipedia page-

In the novel La Comtesse de Cagliostro, a young Arsène Lupin (at the time going by the name Raoul d'Andrésy) was courting Clarisse d'Etigues, a young lady of a well-to-do family, and trying to win her hand, despite her father's disapproval.

Throughout the course of the novel, Lupin meets and falls in love with Joséphine Balsamo, aka the Countess of Cagliostro, and abandons Clarisse in favour of her. To clarify, Joséphine is not actually countess of anything, she is (or claims to be) a descendant of Giuseppe Balsamo aka the Count of Cagliostro (who was also count of jack shit), a famous conman from the 18th century.

Shenanigans ensue, which I will not go into in details on, but oh my god I am insane about Raoul and Joséphine, I want to dissect them and study them under a microscope. It turns out Joséphine aka Cagliostro is evil as fuck, Raoul/Lupin realizes that and goes back to Clarisse (whom he had previously abandoned like an old sock, I fucking hate this guy), marries her, and a few years later has her kid.

Unfortunately Clarisse dies in childbirth, and Joséphine, who was still around and very very pissed at Lupin (and jealous as hell of Clarisse whom, may I mention, had never personally antagonized her in any way whatsoever, Joséphine is just fucking bonkers). Joséphine also kidnaps Lupin and Clarisse's son, Jean, and raises him as her own son. (I have not yet read the following novel The revenge of Cagliostro so I don't really know what Jean's deal is, I just know he's an antagonist).

The following is my headcanon, based on these events. In the universe of Lupin III, Joséphine Balsamo was actually countess of the small kingdom of Cagliostro (maybe Giuseppe was count, maybe he conned his way into becoming count, maybe he bought the land and built a fake kingdom with a fake history, who knows).

After the events of The revenge of Cagliostro, Jean settles down in the country of Cagliostro, gets married, has a child, and that child will later have a daughter of their own, who they name Clarisse, after their late grandmother. Clarisse de Cagliostro, of Lupin III: The Castle of Cagliostro fame, would thus be the great-grand-daughter of Arsène Lupin, making her Lupin III's cousin/niece/whatever you call this specific degree of separation.

I am choosing to make Clarisse de Cagliostro a great-granddaughter of Arsène Lupin, rather than a granddaughter, because Arsène Lupin was very young when the events I described unfolded: he is 20 years old when he meets Clarisse d'Etigues and the whole Cagliostro debacle happens, and 25 by the time Jean is born. I'm assuming he had Lupin II much later in his life. So Jean and Lupin II (half-brothers) would have a significant difference in age, and so Jean's hypothetical child (grandchild of Arsène Lupin, so of the same generation of Lupin III) would be much older than Lupin III. Clarisse de Cagliostro is younger than him, maybe around the same age if you stretch it, so she's have to be a great-grandchild.

Now I need to read The revenge of Cagliostro and study Arsène Lupin's wikipedia page in more detail to determine when exactly Lupin II was born and who his mother was. And also where Albert's family branched out, because the fact that he's called D'Andrésy should theoretically place him as a descendant of Arsène Lupin's mother but not of Arsène Lupin himself; but Jean was also going by that last name, so who fucking knows.

No I am not insane I promise, I am just a gigantic nerd.

#i have very mixed feelings about Papy Lupin Original Flavour #cuz you see in the first books he was pretty much like his grandson #a charming little bastard; smug as hell but also charming enough to make up for it #like. an ego the size of the eiffel tower but it's highly deserved #if he robbed me i would just thank him #you wanna punch him in the face but like. lovingly #then around The Hollow Needle he started acting weird #and after that his ego grew into a god complex the size of the eiffel tower and he just lost all the charm #like. just a huge dick honestly. #i thought that was a logical evolution after (SPOILER FOR THE HOLLOW NEEDLE) his wife got brutally murdered in front of his eyes #mere HOURS after they got married and he gave up his whole career as a thief for her #which would be an understandable evolution #but no he's also retroactively an asshole in The Countess of Cagliostro which is a prequel #i guess leblanc just decided 'lupin's a dick now' #which sucks #but on the other hand it's very funny to kinda hate-read The Countess of Cagliostro #i was honestly rooting for Joséphine for most of the book #she is fucking insane which is exactly what raoul/lupin deserve #you know that Mountain Goats song 'no children' ? #'hand in unloveable hand; i hope you die i hope with both die' #or that post that says 'i don't ship them they're too toxic / well i hope they kill each other mid-fuck' #well that's me with them #just reading on to see how many more life-ruining decisions raoul can bodily throw himself at #also leblanc did joséphine dirty!!!!!!!! #LET MY GIRL BE EVIL FOR GOD'S SAKE #none of that 'her fragile feminine nature' and fainting after murdering someone because deep down she can't bear her own cruelty #what the fuck #let her be genuinely unhinged!! let her bash raoul's head in with a meat hammer!!!! #(yes that is something that she tried to do) #anyway. justice for Joséphine Balsamo. god forbid women do anything

[butchboromir]

anyways im on mountain goats lockdown now. Good God

#NEED to talk about the mountain goats with him fuck talking about what we're actually supposed to be doing. i need to know what he thinks #about all hail west texas. or zopilote machine. or jam eater blues. or #ait

[army-of-bee-assassins]

today has had perfect beautiful fall weather (with a bonus morning storm) for my bday and the anatomy quiz went okay enough that i think i got a B and now i'm chilling and trying to decide what sort of food i want to treat myself to for dinner. i don't know any good non fast food places where i live yet lol but i'll figure out something tasty. it's been a good day :)

#we also didn't have to do a lab in anatomy that was supposed to be scheduled for today so that was nice #and also a friend of mine (who is always crazy generous gifting steam games) fucking bought me three games off my wishlist #including elden ring so i have that now!! i may try my first souls game soon #i've already gotten several gifts in the mail and i know of several more that are still coming #and look i know you don't need gifts to have a good bday but i am still excited about pakiges and presents #i wore a nice outfit today including a mountain goats shirt my friend sent me :) #today i am just feeling like things are working out and i love all my friends 🥰 #j.txt

[baladric]

on a personal quest to make Bad Art™ right now (mostly lyrics but also just aimless sketching like i haven’t done in nearly a decade) and honestly it fucking slaps

#i'm making shit for me and me alone #with my sights on finding that boundary of stuff i can make for me #that is also for other people #and then i will make some really crunchy goddamn music #i want my music to be the sonic equivalent of eating Textures™ #if you don't know what that means then ask your a-spec friends #it is just all about the textures #and the lyrics #metal has really bad lyrics but extremely good textures #the mountain goats got good lyrics and textures that make me want to jump off a fucking bridge #so now i will find out what happens if i smoosh them together #(the answer is.. probably just. tune-yards 2.0) #(but you know what? i would be fine with that)

[lord-radish]

There's this post I keep trying to write about listening to the mountain goats at work but it comes down to it being the only music I would feel comfortable being "caught" listening to. And that opens up a whole can of worms about where that comes from, which you wouldn't necessarily think - like usually it's like "ahaha I wouldn't be caught dead listening to this" - but it's most of my music taste and I managed to realise where it comes from.

My sister would put me down and belittle me for things like that. Like we used to play a lot of SingStar 80's, but there was one time - like legit the only time in years of us owning the game - where I went to sing "I Want to Know What Love Is" by Foreigner, and she teased me by saying "hahaha, [mallard] wants to know what love is!" and making me feel really embarrassed and shitty for just wanting to play that part of the game.

And that was how she approached pretty much anything that would make me look vulnerable. Like the reason I had never tried to play that song before is because it was something I thought she'd pick on me for, which she then eventually did. She mocked me for YouTube videos I watched sometimes, or for crying at a movie one time. She even managed to turn me saying that I was reading into some weird, gross jeer about how I said I was "breeding", like what the fuck right?

So if I'm at work by myself and I can put some music on, I put the Mountain Goats on because if someone walked in, I would feel less ashamed being caught listening to that than most of my music library. And I like the Mountain Goats, but I hate that I can't let go of that shame or insecurity because it's too much to deal with. That embarrassment is amplified by the thought of being judged as harshly as I have been for my interests and behaviours in the past.

#messyposting #there are times where I've said and done some fucked up things but my entire childhood was enveloped by being bullied #i was bullied at school and then I was bullied at home. and she would go 'i protected you from bullies!' #and to her credit she did protect me a few times. she probably protected me plenty of times I didn't know about #but it doesn't excuse the constant mockery and shame. it doesn't excuse her ruining one of my new years by choking me #it was for like two seconds but it shocked me to the point of silence. which was the point because my excitement got on her nerves #she was a closeted lesbian with undiagnosed bpd - and I'm applying that from like age 8 to her eventual 20s - but it doesn't change things #i feel sorry for her hardships but the treatment I got at home was scarring and horrible #she's not the only source of that - we have a mutual dislike of our mother's partner - but she's a huge factor in it #and she *still* makes fun of me and laughs it off as 'you'd do the same to me' #like no I fucking wouldn't. i grew up #I'm cutting her out of my life. I just am #I used to spend entire days just consumed by these thoughts of fending away my former best friend #as he tries to rationalise his way back into my life against my wishes #lately I've been thinking of telling my sister off and cutting her out of my life #refusing to let her see my home and just screaming at her to stay out of my life #literally all of this started with a Tumblr post about how the mountain goats are a good band to listen to at work. at least to yourself #it was like 'tmg are the only band I like to listen to at work' and I was gonna break down why. and then it hit me why #yeah that's the repressed shame that comes from a lifetime of bullying and being put down and othered all the time #most of all from someone at home because you have no escape

[incorrectbatfam]

Types of obnoxious batfam stans

Written by an obnoxious batfam stan

Not really a rant but something I've noticed over the years interacting in different spaces and I've decided to make your problem now.

Please note that I'm not saying there's any "right" way to be a fan because we all suck by virtue of being comic nerds, but there are certain kinds of batfamily fans that stick out to be in particular.

Anywho, here are 12 kinds of annoying batfam stans that you've probably run into and you better get a laugh out of it *points gun to your head*.

1) The Newbies Who Never Heard of Google

There's no shame in being new to something. It's a phase that we're all guaranteed to go through, whether we're 11 or 101. However, in this day and age, so many things can be easily googled that you don't need to shout every question you have into the VVorld VVide VVoid. If you need comic recs or a reading list, google it. If you wanna know a character's origin story, google it. If you need to know the color of Batman's underpants in a particular issue in 1965... well that's probably too specific for Google but Reddit will definitely have an answer.

2) The Middle School Authors

Before the 13-year-olds get up in my notes, I'm not saying everyone that age writes like this. Middle school is a state of mind. These fanfic writers usually stand out in a few ways.

They're oftentimes first-person POV or reader-insert. Give Y/N a break, she's tired.

The grammar is stunningly atrocious. I get if you're inexperienced or if you're writing in a second language, but we are in the prime era of autocorrect. If you need help, it's right there. Also, fuck c*nsoring b*d w*rds and fuck "unalive."

The characters do things that are out-of-character because the author is projecting their own personality. Bruce Wayne is a lot of things but he does not listen to the fucking Mountain Goats.

There's a lack of experience or research when it comes to certain topics. That's not how physics works. He can't walk that injury off. And that's definitely NOT how you do the horizontal hokey pokey.

3) The Neckbeards

Unfortunately, these basement-dwelling mouth-breathers tainted the image of what a comic fan is, though that's been changing recently. Still, we've all seen them. They gatekeep via pop quizzes, 'cause obviously you're not a real fan unless you know what page 10 of Batman #138 smells like. They give unsolicited commentary on people's cosplays, nitpicking the guys and being gross toward women. And heaven forbid the comics add a little diversity.

4) The Moviegoers

Nothing inherently wrong with getting into the fandom via the movies, nor is there anything wrong with sticking to that. I just feel like we're two different species of Galapagos finches, you know?

5) The Christopher Nolans

Separate from casual fans of the Nolan movies. I'm calling them the Christopher Nolans because these people have a tendency to reach for the grimdarkest thing possible. It's like they cannot fathom Batman having any other emotions besides punching and gargoyle brooding.

6) The Canon Purists

Wanna share a fun headcanon? NO, because Stephanie Brown never used cherry lip balm in the comics so therefore that must be the absolute truth. These people are a stickler for comic accuracy to the point where it's like... why bother interacting with the fandom in the first place? The worst part is when they're adamant on following a single continuity and refuse to consider anything else. This is comics we're talking about. Everything either has been or will be canon at some point.

7) The Fanon Worshippers

On the opposite end of the spectrum, we have the people who base their entire perception of the characters on something either they pulled out of their ass or that their mutual with 16 followers came up with, despite evidence directly contradicting it. I love WFA, but I feel like that's partially responsible for further perpetuating certain popular myths. Also, these fans tend to focus solely on the batfam/their ships. It's one thing to have some people in the foreground vs. background, but put some respect to Bart Allen's name you goddamn cheesecakes.

8) The Golden Age Dads

These guys aren't really obnoxious. I actually find it kind of cute how they think Jason Todd is still dead.

9) The Chronically Online

I have a rule of thumb when it comes to discourse: if it's not something I'd hear about at a bar, it's not worth my mental energy. Some people haven't gotten the memo, though.

These are either the well-intentioned but misinformed teenagers or grown-ass adults beefing with children because they don't have a life. They have takes that are oversimplified, rage-inducing, TikTok algorithm attention-grabbers that no one cares about in real life.

Don't get me wrong, we've got a bunch of issues in comics and fandom that are worth discussing. However, there comes a point where you're splitting hairs and need to go the fuck outside. I'm not gonna link the post 'cause I don't wanna call them and their 7 notes out, but the other week I saw someone saying Stephcass was a racist ship because something something colonialism parallel. You gotta be Elastigirl to have that kind of reach.

10) The Corporate Simps

I love comics. I appreciate the writers and artists. However, you will find my carcass in a ditch before you catch me licking the boots of DC/Warner Bros. Basically, these fans, fewer as they are, can't seem to fathom that their favorite franchise can (and does) put out some steaming motherfucking garbage.

11) The Hot Cosplayers

Not actually annoyed, I'm just a little jealous. Stop being hotter than me, please and thank you.

12) The One With A Punchline For Everything

Wait–

#dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #duke thomas #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #barbara gordon #kate kane #alfred pennyworth #selina kyle #bruce wayne #batman #batfamily #batfam #batboys #batbros #batkids #batsiblings #batman family #dc comics #dc fandom #comics #comic books #fandom #fandom culture #discourse #personal #tw swearing #long post

[letstalkaboutfandomsbaby]

I think we need more true form sukuna and chubby concubine 😌😌😌😌😍😌😌😌😌

CW: chubby fem reader, true form Sukuna (two cocks), smut, blowjob, reader can take Sukuna's full cock in their mouth, reader has hair that is grab-able, face fucking, mentions of vaginal and anal penetration, lots of cum, nicknames (pet, minx)

───────────────

He's not sure when you first joined his harem—he doesn't keep track of trivial things like that—but he definitely remembers your first night with him.

You were drapped in fine silk fabric, hair down, rouge on your lips and cheeks. You looked like a doll as you walked toward him, and all he could think about was how he wanted to ruin you just like all the others.

You undressed, as you were told by your handler, and got down on your knees before him. He knows you were trained to wait for his orders, but he's in a cruel mood tonight and decides to make you wait, hoping to see you squirm.

You don't though. You just sit there quietly, spacing out, in your own little world as he stares down at you. He frowns, snapping his fingers to get your attention.

"Come closer."

You do as you're told, crawling closer to him, slotting yourself between his spread legs. He pulls down his pants, his two cocks bouncing out, barely hard and yet already intimidating.

"Worship me," he demands. You don't hesitate.

You're already sitting up, leaning in, grabbing a cock in each hand. Your chubby hands looked so small in comparison. You stroked each one up and down, alternating how your hands moved, gently pinching the thick tips. You moved closer, lips gently pressing against the head of one cock, your thumb rubbing the slit of the other. A sweet moan rumbled through you, vibrating against his tip, making him harden completely.

You pulled back, a red lipstick mark left behind, and the king of curses felt himself leak onto your fingers. You willingly licked it up, placing another kiss on his shaft before moving to the other, leaving behind lip marks in your wake.

"You call this worship? I've seen humans worship their nonexistent Gods better than this."

"How would you like me to worship you, my lord?" Oh, your voice was honey sweet. He wanted to hear you cry out his name to the heavens.

"Take me in your mouth," he commanded, grabbing his lower cock and directing the tip toward your mouth, smearing the head against your lips. "Show me how much you want me, need me."

You complied, loosening your jaw and taking the head into your mouth. Your tongue twirled around the tip of his cock, sliding along the thick vein on the underside. You inched forward, taking in more, breathing deep through your nose to relax your throat. You reached halfway before you paused, pulling back to slurp at the head before taking him back in, going further. In fact, you were taking more of him than any other concubine before you had. How were you able to swallow so much of him?

Sukuna drew in a slow breath, eyes growing hazy as he stared down at you. One of his hands reached down to toy with your hair, marveling at it's texture, so unique compared to the others. Where did they find you again? Living near the mountains with goats? In the last village his followers pillaged?

He was pulled from his thoughts when you suddenly reached the base of his cock. You paused there, your throat constricting around him, your chubby cheeks hollowed out. You gazed up at him, those doe eyes sending a wave of heat to his belly. His second cock throbbed against your face, precum leaking onto your forehead. You hummed, nuzzling into his cock before pulling back, diving forward again and engulfing his dick. He couldn't hold back the groan building in his chest, his four eyes glazed over as you bobbed your head up and down on his cock, his second member rubbing against your face with each movement. The friction was delightful, making him throb, making him ache. You just started and yet you were making him tremble as if you'd been edging him for hours.

You started going faster, taking him in again and again, drool pooling around your lips. Your lipstick kept leaving stains behind, a red circle forming at the base of his cock.

He grabbed your hair, pulling you up from his cock so only the tip was inside your mouth. He kept you there for a moment, watching your eyes gaze up at him before he pushed you down on his cock, making you take him to the hilt. He pulled you up and pushed you down over and over, using you like a toy for his own pleasure. His cock continuously filled your throat as he fucked your face, stretching you out, making it hard to breathe. The constriction of your esophagus felt heavenly around him, dragging him to his peak whether he wanted you to or not.

"Fuuuck, that's it. Take it, take it, take it—"

Your mouth felt so fucking good, so warm and wet, taking everything he gave you. He thinks he might actually be satisfied with a concubine for once. He'd never had someone take his cock like you did, never had his cock sucked on fully. He wondered what your pussy would be like. Would you be able to take all of him? What about your ass? The thought alone made him burn up, one cock traveling down your throat as the other ground against your soft, plump face.

It wasn't long before he felt that familiar build up of pressure, his abs and thighs tensing as he reached his climax. He pushed you down on his cock completely when he came, spilling his seed down your throat as well as onto your head. His warm cum slid down your hair and forehead, getting in your eyes, dripping down your cheeks. He pulled you off once he was empty, examining the damage he had done. Your entire face was covered in his sticky cum; any cum you didn't swallow was dribbling from your mouth and down your chin. Sukuna chuckled at the sight, taking two hands and wiping your face clean. Once he had removed most of his seed, he brought his hands before your mouth. You took the hint, licking up everything on his fingers and palms.

"Mm, what a good little pet you are," he hummed, petting your head like a dog. You licked the leftover cum off of your lips, waiting for his next command.

He kept a hand on your head as he leaned down, reaching between your legs. He peeled your pussy lips apart, dipping a finger inbetween your folds.

"My, my... look at how wet you are. All this because of sucking my cock? Naughty little minx."

He pulled his hand away, licking up your slick from his fingertips, moaning low. You tasted good.

"What now, my little pet? You know I'm not fully satisfied, so how will you please me?"

You tensed, standing up to your full height, still paling in comparison to him. You turned and walked toward the bed in the middle of the room, crawling over it on your hands and knees. You leaned forward, reaching behind you and pulling your ass cheeks apart, presenting for him. He could see how slick you were, could practically smell you from there.

"Well, that's certainly a good start."

───────────────

#ask #smut #sukuna #ryomen sukuna #sukuna x reader #chubby reader #chubby fem reader #☀️ asks #concubine au

[islenthatur]

So we all know the stories where Jaskier collects Witchers like dnd players and dice, how could he not!? And we all know that the ones where Witchers collect Jaskiers friendship too.

But honestly, I just want a fic where the Witchers mounts and lil bleater just collect the noisy-colourful-being-withsnacks...

Animals are smart okay, the horses talk to eachother because how else would they get civilised conversation and of course they'd brag about who carried the heaviest for longest, how many times their stupid people got hurt...

Roach starts off complaining about the noisy-being that followed them one day that just never stopped making noises or trying to pet her. The years pass and the complaints turn into fondess and she comes home more full and cared for than she had in a long time and her witcher does too.

The others, Scorpion, horse, lil bleater all want to meet the human, try to ease their own witchers burdens and just... does.

Jaskier is away from geralt for a competition, and suddenly, he has a very insistent goat bleating at him, pushing him off the road towards Eskel who was injured.

It just goes on from there... Lambert's mount Horse finds him, lips at the pants roach knew held sugar cubes and both Lambert and Jaskier stare at eachother awkwardly while he feeds horse the cubes.

Word travels between the mounts, a hawk that was a familiar to a Griffin flys down and rests on Jaskiers lute while playing, scaring the fuck out of him but shows him to another injured witcher.

Then the mountain happens

Roach loses her horse mind in anger at her Witcher, there would be no more soft songs, no more flowers in her main or apples, her Noisy-foal gone...

The animals revolt, it's a hard season for all witchers and when Geralt gets back after Cintra and Jaskier is with him the animals just go absolutely ballistic in joy and surround him

All the witchers are just watching with the most adorable wtf faces ever.

#roach loves jaskier #the witcher #the witcher fanfiction #geralt of rivia #jaskier #jaskier/geralt #lil bleater #kaer morons #eskel #lambert #the witchers love jaskier #witcher animals love jaskier #the witcher fandom #fanfiction #geraskier

[olderthannetfic]

I read horror pretty much exclusively. Dark, twisted, monstrous, mysterious, the more fucked up the better.

So imagine my consternation when I crack open the latest horror book I checked out (published in 2023) and find, on the very first page, a note reading thus:

A quick heads-up about the content of this book. You're going to find marriage troubles, parental trauma, child endangerment, talk/images of infanticide, postpartum depression, suicidal ideation, bodily harm, ableism (internalized and externalized), anti-Semitism (internalized and externalized), claustrophobia, some gaslighting, and a whole lotta bug stuff. There's also a character who's a real racist, sexist piece of shit.

A horror book. For adults. With a warning that there might be horrific content ahead. *facepalm* The way it's worded feels like something straight from an AO3 author's note. "Bug stuff"? Could the author be a little more vague? They were all too happy to get very specific about everything else (i.e., internalization and externalization, just in case the reader might be okay with one or the other). Why does this author sound like they're working their way down a DNI checklist? I half expected the final line to read something like: I don't condone any of this in real life btw and anyone who agrees with this stuff (that means YOU proshitters) please kys thx lol.

As if the content warning wasn't already a turnoff, the next page included artsy and I'm sure very personally meaningful quotes from two songs by The Mountain Goats. (I know nothing about the band, but they sound like some flavor of pretentious white boy hipster folk music.)

I mean, a warning for claustrophobia? (Discomfort? In my horror?) What next, author's notes warning for fetishization/glorification of death? In a genre where I anticipate, nay, expect characters to die in gory, gruesome ways?

Christ alive. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

--

The Mountain Goats? Jesus.

[hoodharlow]

So I'd Rather Just

AN: everyone thank @sativachilombo <3 gif by @harlowgifs

Requested? My prima Kat

Warnings: smut

Word Count: 1.9k words

"Sober and focused, I cannot walk down no deli alleys

I still got the fellas 'round me, I love 'em and tell 'em proudly

My mama needs help adjusting, my father needs help accounting

I'm lookin' out heaven's window, I know that there's hell around me and—"

Miriam looked down at the monitor as Jack finished the last of his song. She motioned for him to walk out of the frame. She held out her hand and counted to five with her fingers. She closed her hand into a tight fist, letting the camera guy turn off the camera. 

"Okay and cut! That's a wrap!" She yelled. 

All the crew clapped and some of Jack's friends went to hug him. They were in Denver to film Jack's music video for Denver. Miriam was directing the music video and she thought they should film it in Colorado. So for the week they went to Denver. The mountain side was the last scene left to film and they finally finished it. He did a few where he was in his hotel suite with his friends, where he was on stage and where he was at a strip club having an existential crisis. 

Miriam looked over to one of the random goats roaming around and walked up to it. She squatted in front of him and began talking to it. 

"Jack, you were so good. This is gonna be a good one." The goat blinked and walked away. She used a boulder to push herself up. 

Jack was standing behind her with his hands on his hips. "You're not funny."

"Sorry, I saw white and a messy beard and confused y'all." Miria shrugged. 

Urban and Nemo coughed, hiding their laughs.

She went over to the camera crew and showed them her notes. She had outlined what she wanted for the music video and how to edit it. Jack watched one of the guys stare at her chest as she fluffed her hair back. She decided to opt out from wearing a bra under her halter top. Her nipples were on full display. Every so often the guy would look at them as Miriam talked. 

"Okay, if you have it done by Monday so we drop it on Wednesday that would be great." Neelam told the camera crew. She turned to Miriam. "If that's all, then we can head back to town. Are you guys going to your grandparents's place or back to the hotel?"

"We're going to your grandparents, right?" Jack asked Miriam.

"Whatever you want." She shrugged, wrapping her arms on his side. "Just know it's three hours from here."

"Yeah, let's go back to the hotel. We can drive in the morning." Jack nodded. 

They went hand in hand back to Miriam's G-Wagon. Jack helped Miriam into her side. He went over to Urban and his other friends and they briefly chatted on where to meet up for dinner. He bro-hugged them then walked back to the car. He was about to back out when a goat stood in front of them.

Miriam stuck her head out and yelled, "Jack quítate!" at it. With that the goat walked. 

"I hate you." Jack mumbled, as he gripped her headrest to go in reverse. 

"Then why do I have this?" She showed him the jewelry on her left hand.

"You're worth $25 million, I'd be an idiot not to give you that." He said, trying not to laugh. "I'm joking, I gave you that because I love you and I wanna grow old with you." 

"Mhm," she rolled her eyes.

"I'll even let you play whatever you want." Jack offered his phone to her.

"I mean this is my car so I should be able to play whatever I want." She said, queueing up 'Pocketful of Sunshine' as 'Drop the World' by Lil Wayne played.

"There's so many fucking goats." Jack commented as they drove.

"Fun fact, these goats aren't native to Colorado. They were brought in from Montana in 1947 for aesthetic and hunting purposes." Miriam explained. 

"Fucking nerd–"

"TAKE ME AWAYYYY, TO A SECRET PLACE. A SWEET ESCAPE, TAKE ME AWAYYY" Miriam belted out, cutting him off. 

Jack rolled his eyes and let her enjoy her white girl song. By the time they reached the actual highway that led them to Denver, they were hit with traffic. Miriam lowered the music and pulled herself into a ball. She rested her head on the headrest and dozed off. Jack took off his jacket and draped it over her. Almost two hours later they finally got to their hotel. 

"We might as well have gone to Aspen." Miriam grumbled. 

She got out of the car bent over backwards to stretch. She effortlessly pulled herself up without her hands and then twisted herself, cracking her back.

"Glow Stick, are you done?" Jack asked.

"No." Miriam said, proceeding to crack her knuckles and wrists. She pulled her curls into a messy bun. "Now I am."

Jack rolled his eyes. He grabbed their things from the backseat and they went straight to their room. 

Miriam began stripping and kicked off her leggings and top. She tossed her panties at Jack and went in the shower. He followed right behind her. Jack pressed himself onto Miriam, gently pushing her against the tile wall. He bent down and nipped at her neck. One of his hands went in between her thighs. 

"You're wet." He murmured against her neck.

"Yeah because I'm in the shower." She giggled. 

Jack pouted. "I wanna eat you out."

"Well I wanna eat dinner, so…"

They finished showering. Miriam changed into some KentuckyBoyTyler jeans and a simple cropped white tee and her Vans. She went in her tote and took out a big stack of ones. She weighed it in her hand and guessed it was about a thousand dollars.

"Is this yours?" She asked him. 

"Yeah I wanted to recreate the strip club scene." 

 "With only a thousand dollars? Kehlani threw more at me. Plus, I can't stand seeing you go through it when I shake ass."

"Given your talent it shouldn't surprise you that I look devastated." Jack said sarcastically. 

Miriam threw her empty tote at him, making him laugh. "Fuck you! Do you know how hard it is to twerk whilst doing the splits?"

*

Miriam opened one of the takeout bags they got for their leftovers and took out a slice of pizza. She ate while a handful of Jack's fans took pictures with him. They spotted Jack and Miriam while they ate but when they went to pay the fans followed them out, asking for pictures with Jack. Miriam went in the car to wait for him, but she was ready in case his fans got too in his face. She took mental notes of the videos she'd seen of his manager herd him away from fans. He waved goodbye at them and sauntered back to Miriam.

"Hi Mr. Popular." She said, singing popular like Kristen Chenoweth in Wicked.

"Yeah, yeah," he waved her off. 

The drive back to the hotel wasn't long. They retreated to their suite. Jack changed into his grey muscle tank and the grey sweats he wore when they filmed in the hotel room. Miriam took off her clothes and put on the yellow and brown striped shirt Jack wore. She plopped herself in the middle of the bed and scrolled through the channels to see what was on. Scoob was on Cartoon Network so she let it play. She tuned in just in time because a snippet of Jack's song played when the Scooby gang went trick or treating. 

"I always forget I made that song." Jack said, laying next to her. 

"That's literally my favorite song. Don't ever disrespect Yikes like that." She frowned. 

"What if I get a little disrespectful with you?" He quirked an eyebrow at her. 

"Okay." She smiled innocently. 

Jack pounced on her. He knelt in front of her and spread her legs so he'd have more room. They began kissing and nipping at each other. He kissed up her body, pushing his shirt up. One of his hands went down to tug her panties off, but she stopped him.

"Shit, I thought…" he said apologetically, sitting up. 

"No, I just wanna do this first." She pushed him against the pillows and got in between his legs. 

Miriam pushed back the sleeves of his shirt and laid on her stomach with her ass in the air. Jack tugged down his sweats. Miriam kept her brown eyes on Jack's blue ones as she took his cock and slowly stroked him. Her mouth practically watered at it. She sucked his tip and licked his sides.

"I wanted to call cut and spend hours doing this when we were filming you in bed." She muttered as she stroked him.

"Hours? You know I can't even last ten minutes when you– fuck!" He threw his head back feeling himself deep in Miriam's mouth. 

Miriam’s eyes never left Jack’s as she took him back in her mouth. His stomach began to contract after a few bobs, letting her know that he was close. Slowly, she pulled him out of her mouth until only his tip rested on her tongue. She widened her eyes, making her look more innocent as she stroked him. 

"Let me come in you." He panted. 

"You are?" She said in a duh tone.

"Your pussy smartass." He reached forward to her ass and smacked it.

"How do you want me?" She asked him. 

"Stay like that." Jack said, getting out of bed. 

He got behind her and pressed her back down so that only her ass was in the air for him. He knelt in front of her and aligned himself to her entrance, slowly pushing himself in her. Miriam quietly gasped as he slid in her. His hands gripped her waist, slowly rocking his hips into her.  

As the minutes passed, his thrusts got rougher, and Miriam couldn’t hold back. She begged Jack to keep fucking her at that irritatingly slow and rough pace she loved. He leaned over, his chest against her back. His lips kissed all over her neck as he continued to fuck Miriam. She pushed her hips back against him, lazily meeting his thrusts. Miriam pushed back her hips rougher to meet his thrusts. He gripped the long sleeve she wore with one hand, using it as an anchor, while the other went back down to her clit. Jack worked his fingers roughly as he pushed his hips into Miriam. He buried his face in her neck, kissing her sweet spot. Her quiet praises filled the room, egging him on. She quietly whimpered his name, lazily meeting his thrusts before her orgasm took over. Jack’s orgasm followed soon after, pushing himself deep inside. 

"Good?" He asked a few minutes later. 

"Like always." She hummed contently.

Her phone went off. She reached for it and rolled on her back while Jack laid next to her, toying with the hem of the shirt. 

"Solana sent me some teasers to post for Snooze since it comes out tomorrow." She said, showing him a picture of Jack sitting by SZA. 

"I can't believe you had me eat fries that were on her ass." Jack chuckled.

"You're right, that should have been me." 

"Personally I would rather eat our come off your pussy." He said, swiping his fingers in between her legs. 

"If you wanna eat me out just say that." She rolled her eyes. 

Jack smirked, "Actually, I want you to sit on my face." 

Taglist: @heavyhitterheaux @cherry4everrr ​ @carma-fanficaddict ​ @youngharleezy @youngharleezyxo ​ @babyharleezy ​ @that-90s-girllll ​ @alinaharlow @harlowcomehome @nattinatalia @webinurcloset @gassyandsassy1 @jackharloww @awhore4moree @noescapricho-essentimiento @neon-lights-and-glitter @purecinnamonextract @whywontyoulovemecami @camificrecs @itsyagirljaz @w1ldthoughts @killatravtramp

#jack harlow #jack harlow smut #jack and miriam

[void-chara]

@mcytblrholidayexchange gift for @irrealisms !! you had lots of prompt ideas for writing, but not for art, so i hope you're happy with eclipse federation misery and agony compilation, plus song lyrics

lyric credits: Temporary - Chase Petra / Stranger - The Mechanisms / Easier - The Crane Wives (appears four times) / Two Birds - Regina Spektor / Little Soldiers - The Crane Wives (appears twice) / Heretic Pride - The Mountain Goats

feel free to ask if you want me to adjust some text to make it more readable or something, i think it looks fine but i know different peoples eyes and devices are different, and if i had more time i would definitely have spent more time messing with the colors on everything

speaking. of time. im really sorry i took so long ._. i kind of suck at estimating how long projects will take and how much time i have. thanks for being so patient!!

oh, also, some lyrics and drawings have story reasons for being grouped together, and some went where they looked good. uh. ideally id make sure everything had reason for its location, but this is one area where i did correctly estimate my time, instead of getting stuck in the planning phase.

also in the process of typing all this ive already gone back twice to change stuff in the images and re-add them to the post lol

OH also!! the part where vitalasy jumps off to his death! is as far as i can tell NOT canon accurate!! all the footage shows him jumping off the prison, since thats where he respawns. i didnt think to check this until after id already drawn most of the stuff, and already had the prison drawn, and i didnt want to reorganize the drawing. im telling myself that we only see a few of the later deaths and so theoretically the first one could have been jumping off a grassy ledge somewhere but its still bothering me and i needed to mention it.

anyway yeah really hope you like it i tried some new stuff with this one im not sure how well it turned out and thanks again for being so patient!!

EDITING TO ADD SOME MORE WORDS!!! i love talking about my art! so first, all the text on signs and stuff i did go back and look at videos and vods to make sure was entirely accurate, and i wrote all the words entirely by myself. for the lyrics and other text(death message and DELIVERANCE), i used a text tool first to make sure the words would be neat and where i needed them, and then traced over that on a new layer and deleted the original text layer. my handwritting fucking sucks always no matter what, this was a very necessary step. also! this is officially the first thing i have drawn entirely on my phone, rather than on my ipad like i used to do! also i dont use a stylus of any type i just draw with my finger lol.

#eclipse federation #vitalasy #princezam #itzsubz #mcyt #edited to add EVEN MORE WORDS below the cut. i am the yapper #lifesteal smp #chara makes things #<-somehow both tags i originally forgot. #EDITING AGIN. third edit. first was extra text second was extra tags this is for a critical spelling error(used a - instead of a / as the #divider between two songs by accident)

[suzukiblu]

“This Year” by the Mountain Goats for BOTH the Kon’s too trans for this AU AND the Kon is not the father AU (from the POV of Kon for the former, and Tim for the latter)

Kon is too trans for this pregnancy shit:

“It’s alright,” Clark says, then wraps him up in his arms again and pulls him in close. Kon’s face crumples after all and he just . . . lets him.

He shouldn’t. This is his fault. He’s the one who fucked up. He’s the liar. He’s– 

“It’s okay, kid,” Clark murmurs, his voice still quiet and gentle and without an ounce of blame or shame in it. Kon just buries his face in his shoulder and finally lets himself hug him back, his own shoulders shaking as he stifles his sobs against Clark’s. They’re strong enough to hold up the world, he knows for a literal fact, but crying into them still feels selfish and stupid and selfish.

But Clark’s letting him do it, so he can’t do anything else.

the one where Kon isn't the father:

“. . . uh. I can hold her, yeah,” Kon says, still looking a little bewildered. Tim was also a little bewildered when he'd first realized Clark’s interest in Kyra was a pattern of behavior and not just a passing curiosity, so he doesn’t blame him. 

“She’s not crawling or anything yet, but she can hold her head up, so you don’t have to worry about supporting it like a newborn’s,” Tim says, scooping Kyra up off the changing table and briefly pressing a kiss against her temple. She squeaks up at him happily. “She might wiggle or try to bounce a little, she does that sometimes. Just, you know, don’t drop her and you’ll be fine.”

#qwertynerd97 #wip: kon is too trans for this pregnancy shit #wip: the one where kon isn't the father

[copperbadge]

Watching Twitter implode, as an outsider who has hated Twitter for an extremely long time, is absolutely fascinating. I had a twitter account, now deleted, which I checked about once a month and posted to every few years, usually in a vain attempt to acclimate myself to a system I felt was hostile to any method of communication I was capable of. For about a year now even checking my notifications has been pointless, since I was quoted in a tweet by some corporate account that the spambots got hold of; literally all I saw in my notifications for a very long time was ads for various things attached to my name, retweeting that fucking train quote.  

I understand the importance of twitter particularly in uplifting marginalized voices and chronicling major historical events in first-person witness accounts; I know people personally whose small businesses are absolutely fucked because they depended on twitter for almost all their PR and a vast portion of their sales, and that truly sucks. It’s easy to glibly say “and nothing of value was lost” but a lot of value is being lost. 

But I also just hated everything about trying to use twitter. I can understand its importance and still hate it. I also don’t like the Mountain Goats even though they are vitally important to the emotional stability of like, half the people I know. 

The upshot of this is that I eventually had only a dim understanding of the way twitter culture evolved, since I wouldn’t go near it with protective gear on. So I was absolutely dumbfounded to read articles about the Verification badge being put up for sale and to see people saying, “Well, if Twitter’s no longer trustworthy, why be there?”

It blew my mind to realize that in introducing verification in the first place, Twitter had given its entire userbase explicit permission to abandon critical thought when they saw that alluring blue bird. Because twitter verified people, it seems a huge number of users thought they didn’t need to question anything on the site and, because of the way most social media works, the site also quickly became a series of personal filter bubbles. 

It makes the last few years make sense, in a weird way -- it’s not just that a massive chunk of culture abandoned critical thought, it’s that they were told that was okay to do, every day, every time their eyes hit the site. And Twitter is structured to offer diminishing returns on a hard dopamine hit, so a lot of people were on it a lot. I’m not throwing stones -- I’m physiologically constantly a quart low on dopamine, so I’m on Tumblr for much the same reason. And I’m not saying that anyone who is Chronically On Twitter has no critical thinking skills. But I am saying that it appears the vast majority of people who let their online critical thinking skills go slack did so because Twitter said it was okay. Twitter said, we’ll do the questioning for you. 

(Watching Twitter implode as someone familiar with the psychology of D/s relationships is....also fascinating.) 

The coverage of the Lilly tweet in particular is interesting in relation to this because it doesn’t seem like anyone is asking who made the tweet. Perhaps there’s no way to find out, but I don’t even see threats or attempts. Eli Lilly is suing Twitter and doesn’t seem even inclined to ask about the human who did it; nobody at Twitter, to my knowledge, has vowed to find and punish the perpetrator, which is hilarious given what Musk clearly wants to do to the people mocking him personally. No major media outlets seem interested in reporting on people discussing the question, let alone asking the question themselves, which indicates to me that nobody’s gone looking. If people are asking, they are not asking loudly or visibly. 

And don’t get me wrong, I don’t want us to find the person who tanked Eli Lilly stocks en route to reopening the discussion about price-gouging in the healthcare field. I wish there was a way to buy them a beer and/or a vial of insulin. But the fact that nobody seems to even be asking the question is weird -- until you remember it’s twitter, and nobody asks questions when it comes to twitter. Why would you? Twitter does the asking. 

And absolutely vitally -- where the fuck is Donald Trump? 

(Questions you never think you’ll ask.) 

Elon Musk promised to reinstate him; even if you claim staffing issues, he’s managed to kill all advertising on the site and switch off two-factor authentication, but he couldn’t flip the switch on Trump’s twitter account? Or personally offer him a new one under the aegis of the freest of speeches? Less than a day ago Trump was still trying to get the courts to give him his bluebird back. I don’t want him back on twitter, lord knows, but I’m perplexed that he’s not, because that was part of the package deal Musk was pitching. 

It’s almost like Musk knows what the bridge too far is. And nobody is asking about that either.

I hope people who come here from twitter find joy here. I hope the ship of twitter is righted so that my friends who love it can go back to it, so that the artists and writers I know can get back a vital tool for their creative self-support and the activists I know can regain a great tool for effective organizing. Twitter is a huge part of the cultural landscape and I hope it ends up okay, and I hope the staff still there can get some rest. 

But I also hope that this sharp cultural shock has been a reminder that letting someone else ask the questions means letting someone else control what answers you get.

[butchhamlet]

a scene-by-scene playlist for macbeth--one song for each scene. you know the drill by now. track list with rationale under the cut; special thanks to @blackcatarts for help with the selection :3 happy halloween season, y'all.

track list + rationale

act one

1.1 (the witches enter) - Everybody Wants to Rule the World (Lorde Cover) (feels self-explanatory, plus the vibe of it feels like panning in over a foggy battlefield)

1.2 (duncan finds out macbeth slayed) - Aneurysm by Nirvana (found this one on this macbeth playlist a while back and it has remained a macbeth song to me forever and ever; the manic energy fits the battlefield fervor here)

1.3 (macbeth and banquo meet the witches) - They by Jem (“and it’s ironic too // ‘cause what we tend to do // is act on what they say // and then it is that way… who are they? where are they? how can they possibly know all this?”)

1.4 (duncan names malcolm his successor) - Money Money Money by ABBA (he’s plotting! he’s planning! stars, hide your fires! look just trust me on this one)

1.5 (lady macbeth reads the letter & reunites with macbeth) - She’s Kerosene by the Interrupters (every lyric of this song is about lady macbeth.)

1.6 (lady macbeth welcomes duncan to her castle) - Silver Platters by Les Gold (“no need to be cordial // you could be immortal // if you take the risk // could you take the risk?” + “step out on the dance floor // this is what you asked for // such a pretty face // what was it underneath the mask for?”)

1.7 (the macbeths argue) - Fight For Me by AlicebanD (macbeths song of all time!!!)

act two

2.1 (dagger scene) - Disturbia by Rihanna (the supernatural begins to bleed into the world! will someone please direct a macbeth where this comes on during this scene) 

2.2 (post-murder argument) - Prowl Great Cain by The Mountain Goats (very macbeth song. placed here for “and i feel guilty, but i can’t feel ashamed!” & mention of sleepwalking & betrayal & prowling [cf. his line about tarquin in 2.1])

2.3 (porter scene, duncan’s death comes out) - Daniel in the Den by Bastille (“felled in the night by the ones you think you love // they will come for you” + “and for every king that died // they would crown another”)

2.4 (hey. don’t cry. duncan’s horses ate each other) - When He Died by Lemon Demon (literally a song about the world getting fucked up after a guy dies what can i say)

act three

3.1 (banquo gets suspicious) - Aha! by Imogen Heap (entire song about people pretending to be better than they are, including an actual serial killer. + “cost you to keep me quiet” with banquo…)

3.2 (the macbeths are fracturing) - The Horror of Our Love by Ludo (EXTREMELY MACBETHS SONG. here because this is the scene where they start to switch places, with him the one buying into violence as the answer & telling her not to worry about gory details)

3.3 (banquodeath) - Bury A Friend by Billie Eilish (rdj meme voice: he has murdered his friend)

3.4 (banquet scene) - Bird Song by Florence + the Machine (song about killing the witness and then being haunted by that witness and completely losing your shit trying to shut their ghost up…)

3.5 (hecate) - Hecate by Wendy Rule (i don’t give a shit about this scene i’m sorry. interpolation boooooo)

3.6 (lennox talks politics) - Dark Doo Wop by MS MR (foggy apocalyptic ones. “it’s all gone to shit // it’s out of our hands”)

act four

4.1 (double double toil & trouble) - Hot Knife by Fiona Apple (i’m a hot knife i’mmmm a hot knife i’m a hot knife he’s a pat of butter… you’re just gonna have to trust me on this one. my school’s macbeth had heavy drumming all through this scene and it’s associated with this song to me forever)

4.2 (macduff’s family is murdered) - Pretty Little Things by the Crane Wives (songs about pretty/fragile things being destroyed because of men’s betrayal… thinking about how lady macduff blames her husband for abandoning her to the wolves :( )

4.3 (malcolm and macduff) - All or Nothing by the Dream Masons (songs that are about both malcolm and macduff. the first verse especially is very malcolm, as a young prince stranded among enemies; the chorus is especially macduff-deciding-to-kill-macbeth-or-die-trying)

act five

5.1 (lady macbeth sleepwalks) - Tymps (The Sick in the Head Song) by Fiona Apple (LADY MACBETH GUILT SONG! “those boon times went bust // my feet of clay, they dried to dust // the red isn’t the red we painted, it’s just rust” w her imaginary bloodstains, + “i’m either so sick in the head i need to be bled dry to quit // or i just really used to love him // i sure hope that’s it”)

5.2 (the scots and english gather) - Marked Man by Mieka Pauley (songs i considered for 4.3 as well. they are coming to Get His Ass)

5.3 (macbeth preparing to fight) - For the Departed by Shayfer James (songs about knowing you’re about to get got but what does it matter when you’re already damned)

5.4 (the fucking wood is moving guys) - Kingdom Fall by Claire Wyndham (songs i almost put on the prior scene, for “i’d rather watch my kingdom fall // i want it all or not at all,” but eventually i placed it here because… well, we are watching the kingdom fall, my guy)

5.5 (tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow) - Drowning in the Sound by Amanda Palmer (okay, this is kind of because of “sound and fury,” but also it’s soooo macbeth act 5. “and the body is a temple but the temple is a prison and the prison’s overcrowded and the inmates know it’s flooded and the body politic is getting sicker by the second” + “do you ever feel like this should be officially the end? // and that you should be the one to do the ending, but you can’t?” + the inevitability…)

5.6 (scots + english arrive) - Lion’s Teeth by the Mountain Goats (song about trying to kill a powerful and tyrannical figure. also sounds like a fight scene)

5.7 (macduff and macbeth come face to face) - Bury Me Face Down by grandson (so obsessed with how firmly this guy would rather go down fighting than do literally anything easier)

5.8 (macbeth’s head presented, malcolm crowned) - King of the World by WAR*HALL (a new king is crowned after one dies by violence. fleance is still out there somewhere. the cycle of violence continues. this one doesn’t work unless you imagine the witches watching pityingly/sinisterly in the background)

#max.txt #macbeth #LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOO GANG! I LOVE THIS DAMN PLAY #scene by scene playlist #playlistgate #Spotify

[mothmanssweetsucculentass]

AN UPDATE on me showing my partner Marble Hornets for the first time and their batshit insane takes on the series/characters. We got to 76 last I remember. Here’s everything they’ve said for just the new entries we’ve watched between now and the last post:

- The entry where we see Tim’s body cam POV after him and Jay get attacked by the operator in Rosswood:

- “Slenderman uses his dead body dimension to grow mushrooms

He’s really interested in the conservation of this really rare strain of mushroom, that’s what the dead body dimension is for”

- To Tim: “if shit sucks, hit da bricks”

- After Tim gets in his car and drives the fuck outta dodge: “Oh he’s going on a lovely little road trip, he’s just like me fr”

- “You know marble hornets is just a series of bad decisions made by film majors, which is the original bad decision” (implying that the characters being film majors was the initial fuck up and NOT Alex deciding to kill all his friends on a whim)

- During Tim’s panic attack in the same entry: “You know, panic attack aside, I think I’d really enjoy peeling all the crumblies off that dry wall”

- “Hacking coughing licking iPad crying baby”

- “I do appreciate how his arms and legs are out of the way of the body camera in lieu of his panic attack, thank you for that”

- As Tim is taking his anti hallucination meds: “Don’t over dose. Oh it’s just one, you’re probably fine. Wait why are you taking another one? Not even a bottle of water? It’s why you’re coughing. Don’t take a third one! DO NOT take the whole bottle, that’s how you die! You’re not gonna die of slenderman related causes, you’re just gonna die of stupid!”

- Upon seeing Tim find Hoody’s messages on the walls: “ “Follow meeeee!” It’s like that one snowman in the phineas and ferb holiday special. My brain loves referencing obscure media”

- After Tim passes out trying to break the “he is a liar” wall: “Ok, takin a nap.”

- “You go mentally ill queen!”

- About Alex: “Why does he look like John Darneille????” (Context: they are obsessed with the band The Mountain Goats and because of tism face blindness they are convinced Alex shares a striking resemblance to frontman John Darneille)

- “Slenderman is a HORRIBLE parent!!”

- “Alex is a high school nerd who would get shoved into a locker!” “I would argue Jay is more of a nerd on that regard” “they’re both nerds shoving each other into lockers!”

- “Ok he theoretically knows how to fight, but that doesn’t mean he’s good in practice”

- The entry where Jay and Tim follow Hoody around the abandoned hospital:

- “Hoody’s like if Santa was really sinister”

- “He teleported to the next house to give all the good little boys and girls their evil tapes!”

- Seeing Alex tied up: “oh are we getting kinky?” “Hoody is literally trying to kill him” “hot”

- “You know, if I was in my hometown and slenderman was there, I’d be pretty mentally ill too”

- “How many holes do you think slenderman has?”

And finally (for now until we finish the end of MH):

- “I don’t think slenderman would survive long in federal prison”

#marble hornets #jay marble hornets #jay mh #mh hoody #hoody marble hornets #tim marble hornets #tim mh #alex marble hornets #Alex mh #john darnielle #mountain goats fans I promise this tag belongs here my partner is so obsessed with the band that they see the blorbo everywhere #even when we’re in public #it’s pretty funny #I’m half convinced they’re saying half of these so I post about them here on tumblr dot com #but idc the takes are funny #update #also I am aware that in MH Slenderman and the operator aren’t the same #but the series did start from the OG Slenderman forum posts #my partner just likes to call it slenderman for the much appreciated comedic effect #please do not ream me a new one lmao #and yes I will be showing them EMH after this

[melisusthewee]

In my ongoing attempt to convince people to watch this movie (because it is so fucking good you have no idea), I put together this list of reasons why you need to watch this film. Sorry, but I can't be normal about this:

None of the backgrounds or environments are CGI! Those mountains? Those are the Andes! That's the real Valley of Tears! While filming with the actors was done in a different location (I believed they filmed in the Sierra Nevadas?), location photography and filming was done in the Andes and then spliced accordingly into the film.

It's an ensemble piece! Until now, most movies/docs/books have (understandably) focused almost exclusively on Nando Parrado and Roberto Canessa because of their 10 day trek through the mountains. But the group was more than just the two of them and this film shows that by emphasizing everyone's importance and roles in their survival.

Having said that, NANDO PARRADO IS THE FUCKING GOAT. This guy fractured his skull during the crash which caused his brain to swell. Everyone thought he was dead at first and only brought him back inside the plane when someone noticed he was still breathing. Even then, he wasn't expected to survive for very long so the others placed him where it was coldest which ended up saving his life as the cold temperature along with dehydration helped bring the swelling in his brain down. He was in a coma for three days, woke up to learn his mother was dead and his sister was dying, and decided, "Fuck this, I am getting off this mountain and you're all doing it with me." AND THEN HE DID, part of which involved hiking for 10 days across the Andes with NO GEAR.

The decision to make Numa Turcatti the narrator was brilliant. I cannot say more due to spoilers but iykyk.

Speaking of other films (looking at you, 1993's "Alive"), this movie cast exclusively Uruguayan (and some Argentinian) actors in order to give it proper authenticity.

This movie does not fuck around, with the crash happening within the first 15 minutes of the movie. And it is horrible in that it is probably one of the most accurate portrayals of a plane crash? I don't like flying, and I was incredibly anxious watching it to the point where I thought initially I might have to turn it off. But despite this, it never feels exploitive or anything. Just... real.

The entire movie was shot chronologically in order to give the make-up team an easier time with getting the actors to look increasingly gaunt and disheveled as well as adding a tighter consistency between shots and scenes. Many of the actors lost upwards of 50 lbs by the time filming was concluded.

For the avalanche scene, the actors were buried under nearly 8 inches of real snow. Because of this, the redness of their skin isn't the work of make-up or special effects but is very real.

Michael Giacchino's score. But even more importantly, his use of silence.

Honestly, this movie feels genuinely cold in a way that most movies and tv shows never quite capture. The sound of frozen clothing crunching, the frost that covers them, the clear impact of cold and frost on hair and skin, the shaking and shivering. It's really hard to describe, but like... it didn't feel like these were just actors on a set walking around. It felt genuinely cold.

The payada (rhyming/rap battle) was entirely improvised by the actors.

Enzo Vogrincic (Numa) looks like a young Adam Driver. You know you want to watch him stare soulfully into the camera for two hours. (But really, the acting in this movie is phenomenal.)

For Cold Boy fanciers, Gustavo Zerbino is basically the group's Goodsir - a cinnamon roll doing his best.

Fito Strauch's homemade sunglasses!

I could write an essay about the way the film confronts and portrays the cannibalism. Since I've rambled on long enough, let me just say here that it feels authentic in the way it's handled and not like you typically expect to see in stories like the Franklin Expedition, the Essex, or the Donner Party. (My only criticism is that it looks like they used raw chicken as the meat? And I unfortunately happen to know that human meat very much does not look like chicken.)

MOST IMPORTANTLY, this movie gives voices to those who didn't survive the mountains. And yes, it is a story about survival (and is a wonderful portrayal of positive masculinity) but it is really a story about love. Love for one's friends. Love for each other. And how love is the only way we survive.

#i am not normal about this film okay #sorry not sorry #but it's so crunchy and leaves you with so much to think about #i'm really sad it never got any theatrical showings near me #Youtube