#i know VERY FEW people who read the books

[mrrharper]

A Real Jock's Supposed To Be Dumb

Mike had a problem. And that problem was Tyler Grant.

Tyler Grant and Mike were both juniors studying finance. Mike was, according to the commonly used way of stereotyping people in college, a nerd. He studied, read books and academic papers, didn't posses good social skills. A nerd.

Tyler Grant was a college athlete, a wide receiver on their university's football team. and at a first glance he was very much a typical jock. He was muscular, his clothes always made that clear. He was popular with everyone, a bit cocky. Everyone knew that type.

But this wasn't the whole picture. For a football jock Tyler had surprisingly good grades. He spent at least some of his free time studying for exams and projects, he was active during classes, and he made an effort to get to know everyone who was present in the lecture hall alongside him.

And that meant Mike was... not frequently, but consistently approached by Tyler. The athlete usually exchanged a few words with him whenever the two bumped into each other.

And Mike was infuriated by this.

Because of course Tyler wasn't doing this because he was a genuinely nice person.

For sure he was doing this out of pity.

He probably laughed all day about Mike, that sad little nerd.

And all that pretending, which was definitely what Tyler was doing, made Mike fuckin' annoyed.

One day Mike was walking through downtown and he stumbled upon a thrift store. Lead by an impulsive thought he walked in and moved through countless racks and shelves. Then he saw it. A random golden chain, similar to the ones jocks like Tyler wore on a daily basis. Again driven by a strange impulse Mike picked it up.

"When you wear it, your word will be reality" A voice, belonging to some older man, whispered into Mike's ear. He quickly turned around but saw no one standing next to him. His eves went back to the chain. He had to have it.

So he bought it. What happened next was pure magic. The golden chain, when hanging form his neck, allowed Mike to alter reality. Which was insane. The chain's power was limited, but clearly visible and Mike was amazed.

He knew what he wanted to do with that power.

A week later Mike had to do a project for a class. The project required working in pairs and, what a coincidence, Tyler was sitting close to him and suggested they work together. Mike put on a fake slime, deep down sure that this was some new plot to make fun of him.

The next day they met in the university library to work on the project. As Tyler looked through some data on his laptop, Mike made sure the chain was under on his neck, hidden by his t-shirt and hoodie.

"You will treat everything I say as normal" Mike said. Nothing changed, Tyler just nodded after hearing these word and continued working. Mike smirked. Perfect.

"You will start behaving like a real jock. No more talking to me out of pity and then laughing at me behind my back. Be a real jock bro."

"Yeah, bruh" Tyler muttered to himself. His position shifted, his upper body more relaxed on the chair, his legs spread out. He swiftly removed his hoodie, revealing a white tank top.

"And let's not kid ourselves, deep down you know you are a dumb idiot. A jock like you will always end up with a brain that can only understand football plays." Mike grinned. He felt real good saying those words. Getting rid of academic competition, putting Tyler where he belonged.

"you callin' me a dumbass, fuckin' nerd?" Tyler stopped typing on his laptop. He looked at Mike, a dumb, cocky grin now clearly visible on his face. Moke could now see the arrogant dominance in his eyes.

"Yes, and you won't do anything about it, because you listen to everything I say, you dumb jock." Mike said straight into Tyler's face. The jock chuckled dumbly and flexed his arm. He put his hand on the bulging muscles and squeezed them.

"duuuuuh, dude" he drawled "wha' were we doin' even bruh? muh brain foggy dude..." he looked at his still opened laptop. "shit, nerd, what is that fuckin' nonsence!"

"I'll take care of that" Mike said as he closed Tyler's laptop. "You have other things to care about."

"fuck yeah i do, nerd!" Tyler barked at him. "Gotta get these guns pumped bruuuuh!" He flexed his arms again and laughed out loud, attracting attention of other people in the library.

"Okay, my jock, we gotta get you out of here" Mike stood up and waited for Tyler to do the same.

"oh fuck, nerd, we gotta get out of this fuckin' nerd central, am i right huhuhuhuhuh" He chuckled loudly as they left the library, Mike's hand on Tyler's biceps. After they were outside Tyler stopped for a moment, got his phone out and took a photo of himself flexing his arm.

"gotta keep the chicks on insta hot n' bothered, nerd" Mike smirked as he heard that. Oh yeah, his plan was going great.

#jock #jock tf #football jock #personality change

[butterflydm]

The Queen of Attolia (plus some WoT comparisons)

Haha, it's been a few months but I got my chance to read the next book in the Queen's Thief series and it was so good! I am going to have two sections in this review -- my overall thoughts and then some specific thoughts that are mostly for @markantonys due to the series being her recommendation and I have a lot of thoughts about the comparisons between the Queen of Attolia x Eugenides and Mat Cauthon x Fortuona, because you can really do a point by point comparison, though I don't think it was intentional -- I think that Megan Whalen Turner and Robert Jordan were both going for the same idea but Turner was, imo, wildly more successful than Jordan at it.

But first, thoughts that don't particularly relate to The Wheel of Time:

We open with a tense cat and mouse chase between The Thief and the Queen's guardmen and that is really the heart of this book when it comes down to it -- a cat and mouse game between two extremely complicated people, and how they have to navigate in the world that they share.

Turner is really good at writing these fun action scenes where you're very much in the PoV of the character.

The (apparent) foundation that is laid here (that later gets overturned because Gen got to me again and he was once again acting on personal information that he kept from me for the majority of the book, lol, love him for it) - is very much beginning as enemies who have respect for each other's skills. At this point in the book, I knew that they would end up married due to spoilers and I know that it's considered a good romance, so I was really looking forward to seeing the journey, especially since I did get spoiled about the huge upcoming traumatic event.

But we start from this strong narrative place where they are aware of each other and have respect for each other but they belong to two separate counties that have some political tensions and they are both important parts of those countries and can't set that aside.

Because of how bold Gen is, Attolia has been backed into a corner by his actions and we actually see this affirmed by Gen's cousin (the Queen of Eddis) and her thoughts on the matter -- she is aware that Gen going into Attolia's country to spy on her is a dangerous thing for him to do.

And then the cutting off of his hand. This is brutal, and it feels brutal, and then we also get these hints of Attolia's reaction afterwards (that we get into more later) but especially her reaction when he begs her not to hurt him anymore and you can really see her feel the impact of what she did. She doesn't allow herself to show her remorse but even this early on, we're getting hints of it as readers.

Then when Gen goes home, we actually see that the Queen of Eddis also maintains a mask in public, just like Attolia does, so we see another hint here that Gen understands that kind of masking. Eddis looks just as cold and impenetrable to Attolia's guards who return Gen to her, as Attolia looks to everyone else.

I really appreciated how long the recovery time was after the loss of Gen's hand and how much time we spent with him to feel him get used to the changes (and how economically Turner is able to pass that time). We get these tiny looks at Attolia as well, and her difficultly sleeping at night, which we expand on later.

Then we get the return of the Magus from Sounis! It was really nice to see him again, dropping in to visit Gen, but he's also here to give us that continuation of the division between personal and political -- as a person who genuinely likes Gen, the Magus was upset about what Attolia did to him, but as the advisor to the king of Sounis, he knew that they would be able to use Eddis's reaction to Attolia's act on the political stage.

But what a way to learn that the two countries are at war!

It takes some time for Gen to really believe that Eddis went to war over him, and we see him processing that over the course of the book as well, and they talk about it more. I do think that Gen does not always realize how deeply other people care about him.

Turner really is so good at giving us these pieces of information that reframe the earlier story -- now we know that during all those snippets of Attolia that we had earlier, she was also dealing with realizing that her actions with Gen led to the war that she's currently embroiled in.

The progression of the war was really well done (again, Turner is very economical with her narrative here), with what details she chooses to focus in on, and we see that Gen, even though he has gained more of an ability to have that cold and impassive mask like Attolia has, still does things like make sure that no one is on the ships that he's destroying, because he doesn't like getting people killed.

Turner also does a really good job showing how destabilizing the war is to all three countries involved, and how the war is hurting everything.

We take a little mythology story break here in the narrative, which was a fun story about love and choice, both of which are very relevant. This story definitely does end up applying pretty heavily to Gen and Attolia in the themes, and I like the style that Turner tells these stories.

I love how perceptive Gen is once he's been apprised of the situation and we get to see the thought process that leads to him blaming the emperor's ambassador more for the loss of his hand than he does Attolia herself, because he sees that ambassador understood that seeing Gen maimed and returned to Eddis would be more like to spark a war than just killing him would, and a war is exactly what he needs in order to try to justify getting his troops onto Attolia's land. All the politics here are pretty complex but I feel like the book does a good job explaining the reasoning.

And this is also the point where it's really confirmed that Attolia knows that the ambassador is underestimating her, and that she also understands a lot of the things that he thinks that he's pulling over on her. But because of the fragile position that she's in, she needs to entertain the ambassador's advice and his attempts to sidle in on her country.

Quote about Gen: "It was like him that if he had to have a thing, to have the fanciest thing of its kind."

I really like all this about the cost of war; the price of war; and why this outside party has been trying to urge war on the three countries.

We also get Eddis admitting to Gen that she thinks that she could have possibly controlled herself and not started a war if he had only been killed, rather than treated in a way that she finds so insulting, and that it made her so angry that she made a choice that had now brought a lot of damage to their own country that she wishes could be avoided. And Gen can see, basically, that the ambassador of Medes is the one who put both Eddis and Attolia in this trap, and he was used as the tool to start this war.

We really move into Attolia's PoV and we get the story of the broken amphora (she thought about it when she saw Gen after she'd had his hand cut off) -- it was, essentially, the moment that marked when her life changed and she couldn't be a young girl anymore.

This really is a heartbreaking story -- how after her brothers died and she was the heir, her father essentially sold her off to be married, and her fiance was actively plotting against her father and how to suck her country dry for his own benefit after they were married. And how she kept herself quiet and small and just listened, but then poisoned him at their wedding feast, also having her captain of the guard kill the next man who tried to force her to marry him. We also see here that she only trusts loyalty that she can buy in gold (because every other kind of loyalty failed her).

Then we finally get the big reunion! This scene is so tense, with both Attolia and Gen wearing these cold masks (we later realize that Gen has pretty much directly modeled his mask on Attolia's) and we get this private negotiation that is only for the two of them. And this moment when it is literally just them, together on a boat, with no one else to interrupt them... just exquisitely done.

It's been implied before, but this is where we get our confirmation that Attolia has been just as haunted by Gen this entire book as he's been haunted by her. They've been separated for most of the book but constantly haunted by each other. I gotta share the quote:

"He was too young to have bones that ached. No matter what he thought of himself, he was hardly more than a boy. A boy without one hand. She reached up to push the wet hair out of her face, wondering when she had sunk so low that she had begun torturing boys. It was a question she had asked herself night after night, lying awake in her bed or sitting in a chair by the window watching the stars slowly move across the sky."

We've been seeing her do those things the entire book, but this is the first moment when we're told what she was thinking about in those moments.

We also get our Big Revelation here that Gen has had feelings for Attolia since before the events of The Thief! How does he hide these things from us so well! Gen! We learn here (and we get even more detail later) that he's been feeling drawn to her for literal years. That part of the reason that he made those trips that she thought were mockery was because he wanted to be close to her and get a look at her and see if she really was the monster that their spies reported that she was, or if she was just a woman who was being forced to make difficult, maybe impossible choices.

And then we get our story reversal where Attolia gets 'rescued' by the ambassador and his people, and we get to see how she behaves in these circumstances where she doesn't believe that she can trust Gen (sure, he said he loves her, but she cut his hand off! And he's a known liar! how can she trust him?) vs this dude that she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that she absolutely cannot trust.

The moment when she tells her handmaidens not to put on her golden bee earrings, I knew exactly what she'd done, especially when we got Gen's reaction. The writing doesn't have to tell us in the moment what's occurring (that she put on the earrings that he left for her one time and that she said she would only wear if she'd decided to marry him) for us to know, and I love that. This coded sign that only he will understand.

It's the most unique and fascinating marriage proposal I've ever read. Well done. Haha, and I did guess that the gray-haired man that he fought so well with was his father. <3

Love the moment when we see him process that marrying the Queen of Attolia is going to mean... that he'll be the King of Attolia. He just wanted to marry her because he liked her! <3 <3

And everything after that was just so delightful. Working together for the double-cross and then the process of Eddis and Attolia working out the treaty and Eddis trying to convince Gen that they can have the treaty without the marriage, and his rejection of that, and then essentially testing Attolia with that offer as well.

I also really like one of the moments when Attolia realizes that she can trust Gen, which is when Eddis tells her that of course Gen also lies to her. Constantly. And I feel like that reframed a lot of her interactions with Gen for Attolia. Realizing that Gen wasn't being maliciously deceitful towards her; he's just Like That With Everyone. Plus, I can't forget the moment when, after the battle is won, Attolia and Eddis return to where Gen is being held and Attolia believes for a moment that he's been poisoned as a parting shot by the Medes ambassador and we can literally watch as her heart completely shatters and she is completely undone and devastated in her head and even shaken where people can see her. It's beautifully written.

And we get the moment with the gods (who are very real in this series but very carefully choose how they interfere) and it's just as well done as it was in the first book. The windows in the palace shattering as the goddess responds to Gen's sacrifice! And basically laying out to him that his suffering was required to reach this ending and would he trade it back if he could -- if it meant that Attolia would have been forced to make that deal with the Medes ambassador. And Gen would rather have Attolia in his life and wanting to marry him than have his hand back.

Just that whole final section that leads up to the ending of the book, with Attolia really being able to believe Gen when he says that he loves her... it's so good. How the narrative (and Eddis and Gen) are able to tease out Attolia's feelings for Gen, and how we end on that final quiet moment between the two of them. Really powerful ending.

It's a really good book and it's a really good romance. Gen and Attolia are both fantastic characters and even with all the twists and turns and revelations, their relationship felt incredibly captivating and believable. I really believe that Gen wants to break through Attolia's walls and, just as important, I feel like there's a person on the other side of those walls who is worth being loyal to and loving. You understand why Gen wants to be Attolia's husband, even after she ordered his hand cut off, which is very impressive storytelling.

Hopefully I'll get the chance to read the The King of Attolia soonish, and not in, like, four months.

*

And now onto the Wheel of Time/Mat & Tuon comparison section of the review for @markantonys 💖

It really does feel like a point-by-point improvement on Mat & Tuon, though I suspected unintentionally (it looks like this book came out 3 years before CoT).

Starting with the characters: wow, Attolia really is so much the person that I would have wanted Tuon to be. And she feels like the person that Jordan wanted readers to believe that Tuon was. Every place where I was going through my WoT reread and going "footage not found!" about something the narrative tried to claim about Tuon is something where the footage is very much found for Attolia. While Tuon's potentially heartbreaking backstory really is just backstory and ends up have zero impact on her active storyline, Attolia's tragic backstory is the entire spine of what her character is going through and what Gen can help her with.

We get to see and really experience Attolia's context, which is not something that we got with Tuon. Jordan makes an attempt, I guess, with Karade's sob story about Tuon and the doll, but he made the bizarre choice to frame this story in Karade's PoV (Tuon's slave), not from Tuon's PoV. For whatever reason, Jordan always insisted on making Tuon the most insufferably smug person in the world in her own PoVs.

With Attolia, we get those breaks in her mask that I kept desperately wanting us to get with Tuon but we never did. Again, this is mostly only for the reader, not even for Gen -- the reader gets to see behind Attolia's mask. And so Attolia is captivating and fascinating and I understand why she felt like she had to do these horrible things.

With Attolia, we actually get her being removed from her power base and feeling helpless, which Jordan never had the guts to do with Tuon (when Mat kidnaps Tuon, he lets her take her slave along with her, and then some of his allies decide to support Tuon over him despite having zero narrative or character-based reason to do so), which means that when Attolia regains her power, it has a much bigger impact on the narrative, while it felt like Tuon never really lost hers. Attolia and Gen both manage to be scrappy underdogs, in their own way, and that's something that Tuon never was.

Both Attolia and Tuon commit horrific acts, but while we see Attolia's remorse and how it torments her, Tuon always seems to shrug off the horrible shit that she does. It doesn't ever affect her emotionally and she never seems to think past it after it's done. She is a character without remorse or reflection (I think she vaguely thinks that it's a shame one time when she's pondering how she will break Mat's spirit but that's about it). And Attolia has those two qualities in spades. Attolia feels like a real woman to me in a way that Tuon never did. We see the brave face that she puts on, we see her regret and remorse, we see her loneliness, we see her jealousy over the Queen of Eddis, who is able to trust the members of her court in a way that Attolia has never felt she could trust her own. Tuon just feels really shallow in comparison to Attolia.

Even in the first cat and mouse scene with Attolia and Gen in this book, you can see the push and pull and the narrative equality of the characters. Gen has been in and out of four different strongholds of hers, and she feels that he's pretty much taunting her with his abilities. There's a mutual respect for the other person which was one of the big things that was missing for me with Mat and Tuon. In her final PoV in KoD, we learn that she has not had an ounce of respect for him during this entire journey -- it's not until she sees how the Band respects him that she considers whether or not there may be more to him than just being a pretty and dumb sextoy. And the big problem with that is that was the period when the 'romance' was being developed. During the time when she didn't have any respect for him as a person. And that makes it very difficult to find their relationship compelling, even apart from the fact that I found Mat himself profoundly unlikable in CoT & KoD.

Now, Mat being a terrible person (in CoT & KoD) and Tuon being a terrible person (always and forever) are not things that would stop me from shipping them in general. I am capable of finding Awful4Awful pairings compelling (like Louis and Lestat from Interview with the Vampire). They don't have to be good people, but there has to be something in the relationship that grabs onto me at any level, and that's where Mat and Tuon failed.

We can see in Attolia's thoughts that she envies the relationship that Gen has with the Queen of Eddis -- she envies that loyalty and wishes she could have something like that of her own. That sort of envy was also missing from CoT & KoD (I am going to mention, briefly, that some of these elements were present in the Mat & Tuon relationship in AMoL but at that point, it was just too late for me to give a shit about their relationship, because CoT & KoD thoroughly killed any interest that I had in them). Whether because of his own personal kinks or because of the plans that Jordan had for the Outriggers, Jordan made Tuon too much of an island; too much of an wall. The way he wrote her made me feel like nothing Mat could do would ever really matter to her in any way; that she was content to use him up and then throw him out and that's just not my thing. It may have been Jordan's kink but it is not mine.

So I definitely understand @markantonys's point about this feeling like a well-written version of Mat and Tuon! It really does feel like this is the sort of relationship that Jordan wanted to write with Mat and Tuon but didn't have the skill at romance writing to pull off. Something like Mat and Tuon is Hard Mode Romance and Jordan wasn't even always good at Easy Mode Romance.

Two of the key elements that really makes Attolia and Gen work for me is just getting to sit and exist in Attolia's emotional reactions to the wrong that she has done to Gen; and Gen acknowledging and processing the harm that she'd done. And both of those things were desperately needed with Mat and Tuon, both as characters and as a romance.

A major major part of why Mat and Tuon failed for me is because I didn't feel like Mat was actually reacting to her realistically for the vast majority of their page time together; she threatens to invade a city and he laughs it off, she assaults his companions that he freed from slavery and he thinks it's hot?!?, she talks about how she likes to torture women and he ignores it.

If Tuon had cut off Mat's hand, the way that Attolia cut off Gen's, it feels like Jordan would have just had Mat shrug it off and then buy her a puppy as a reward or something as his response. Here, we get Gen begging Attolia "please don't hurt me again" after she cuts off his hand and then we have months of separation and recovery and processing before the narrative takes him anywhere near her again. And Attolia is forced to reckon with what she did, first by being haunted by the memories of him crying from the pain and loss, and then she has to face it directly by seeing his stump, seeing the pain that he's still in (because of her). She has to admit (not just to herself but to him) the damage that she did before they can move forward together. This is something that Tuon never shows herself capable of on any level. Tuon is never allowed to grow as a person the way that Attolia is, or to be vulnerable with the audience or with Mat.

I definitely still really felt the Mat-Gen comparison in this book too. Lots of places, but there's a great moment in the meadow with him, Eddis, and the Magus, where Eddis explains that Gen has deliberately made people believe that he can't fight but he also still gets miffed sometimes if people fall for his carefully constructed facade.

And the moment when Gen tells Eddis that he plans to steal the Queen of Attolia. It really feels, again, like this is the sort of vibe that Jordan wanted us to believe existed between Mat and Tuon: "She may be a fiend from hell to make me feel this way but even if I've got to hate myself for the rest of my life, this is what I want. I dream about her at night." This intense draw and this pull that he feels towards her. Jordan appears to want us to believe that Mat feels this kind of draw towards Tuon at the end of KoD but has not created any kind of foundation in Mat's characterization as to why.

We also got the long separation between Attolia and Gen where they are haunting each other with their absence. Attolia and Gen just get the time that is needed to develop this relationship in a way that's believable. Time in the story, not page time. This book is shorter than CoT & KoD, and probably shorter than if you made a "Mat and Tuon" novella out of their scenes in those books. It's the actual 'in world' time that matters, that gives Attolia and Gen time to think about each other and miss each other in a genuine way.

For another comparison -- Gen 'steals' Attolia to marry her like Mat kidnaps Tuon, but the context is so incredibly different on every level. Mat gets, essentially, tricked into kidnapping Tuon by the 'finn (it never would have happened if he hadn't heard that prophecy) while Gen acts with intention the whole way through. Technically, in both cases, Gen and Mat are 'saving' Attolia and Tuon by kidnapping them, but we feel the weight of it with Gen and Attolia in a way that we don't with Mat and Tuon. And a lot of that is because the bulk of Gen and Attolia's build-up happens before the kidnapping, during the times when they're separated and haunted by each other. So once the kidnapping happens, it's quick-paced and moves the plot forward rather than, you know, just fucking around with a circus for a month.

We also know that Attolia has complicated feelings about Gen already. I talked about this with @markantonys but that really is something that needed to happen with Tuon so much sooner than it does in the books (there are two big Mat & Tuon scenes in AMoL that desperately needed to happen back in CoT, imo -- Tuon trusting that Mat isn't trying to kill her; and Tuon going wild trying to protect Mat in the command tent).

Attolia and Gen also genuinely have things that they can each offer the other person, while with Mat and Tuon, none of the things that Tuon offers are things that Mat actually wants (slaves bowing to him; being dressed up like one of the Blood; being formal at all times - these are things that some of Mat's fans want for him, but not things he wants for himself) and she just feels like this ravenous black hole that constantly takes and takes and takes and gives back nothing of value. When Gen is startled at the realization that marrying the Queen of Attolia makes him the King and he'll have to actually be a king, it's this incredibly sweet moment, because it illustrates so clearly that he wants Attolia for herself and not her country. When Mat reacts against the idea that marrying Tuon makes him royalty, it just kinda makes him look dumb, because we've been given nothing of value in Tuon herself as a person, and no reason for Mat to care about her.

With Tuon, Mat talks about how she's better than other nobles, but nothing she actually does on the page is better than any other Seanchan noble. It's all 'footage not found'. By contrast, every single positive thing that Gen says about Attolia is backed up by the text and we even get shown additional positive qualities that no one needs to talk about because it's right there in the text.

With Tuon, it feels like Mat is attempting to gaslight me (and himself?) into believing that an interesting character exists there despite all the evidence against it, while Attolia simply is a compelling character based on what happens on the page.

That fact that there are so many raw similarities between the two pairings, but my reaction to them are so different really does illustrate the importance of execution, imo. Attolia and Gen's romance manages to travel so much further than Mat and Tuon's, while also being considerably more economical with how many pages it took to get us there.

The point-by-point comparison (aka WoT's failure of execution):

Tuon's interior life is poorly illustrated in comparison to Attolia's; because she starts off as an even worse person than Attolia but so much less character work is done on her than on Attolia, who is haunted this entire book by how she has "sunk so low as to torture boys" (on that note, Turner's choice to make Gen the younger and more openly vulnerable one really works here).

Seeing that Attolia's handmaidens are genuinely affectionate and protective of her at the end of this book is so incredibly touching, because she had no expectation of their loyalty (she believes in the loyalty of gold, and gold alone, for the most part). Tuon, otoh, has slaves that she expects to be subservient and loyal unto death, so her slaves' affection for her (that was trained into them) is something that completely fails to move me. This difference in the expectations of the character also makes a huge difference in how their PoVs come off -- Attolia's walls are due to her internal vulnerability and we get to see that vulnerability in her PoVs; while Tuon comes across as full of herself and incredibly arrogant, taking everyone around her for granted.

We're told that Tuon is smart and perceptive but rarely get any evidence; while Turner shows us Attolia's intelligence and how she sees a lot more than people like the Medes ambassador believe that she does. We get to see Attolia's intelligence in how she tricks the Medes ambassador into believing that she's so much less perceptive and intelligent than she truly is. This is another place where Jordan's unwillingness to ever place Tuon into a genuinely vulnerable position really hurt the character. Turner wasn't afraid to make Attolia the underdog and knew that it wouldn't undermine her as a character, it would strengthen her, because we would get to see who she was in adversity. The set-up of Crossroads of Twilight should have led to us seeing Tuon in adversity but Jordan was allergic to allowing her to be truly vulnerable, and gave her people to hide behind (Selucia & Setalle Anan) the entire time.

Mat as an agent of chaos is wildly downplayed in comparison to Gen as an agent of chaos. The Seanchan end up getting spared the chaos that the end of the Age brought to pretty much every other society, even though Mat seems clearly positioned to bring their society crashing down even as late as Winter's Heart. Gen's actions, otoh, are constantly throwing other people's plans off.

Mat does not behave realistically to the horrible things that Tuon says and does -- with Gen, even though we find out towards the last third of the book that he was already in love with Attolia before the book begins, we still get his raw reactions to her doing things that hurt him. He has nightmares after she orders his hand cut off, his pained begging of her not to hurt him again, and how he develops his own mask of impassiveness that is modeled on her own. Gen also never throws away his moral code in order to try to force himself to be at peace with the relationship -- he grows and changes as a character as a result of his trauma, but he stays himself at the core.

Something else that Jordan could have used more in the books that would have helped develop an understanding of why Mat believes that something exists beyond Tuon's 'cold Empress mask' would have been to make the comparison between Rand's mask and Tuon's mask more clear in the narrative. Because there's too much separation in time between Rand and Mat's interactions with Mat and Tuon's interactions. In this book, seeing that Eddis also needs to put up a queenly mask of not caring about Gen at first (in front of the Attolian guards when they return him to her after his hand has been cut off) helps illustrate why Attolia needs the mask that she uses -- Eddis doesn't trust the Attolians, but Attolia feels like she can trust absolutely no one, and so she always needs the mask and feels like she can never take it off. That's compelling! It could have been compelling in Tuon too, if it had been written better.

On that note: Turner personalizes the damage that Attolia's cold mask and her ruthless defense of herself/her country is doing by having her hurt Gen directly, and that being something that she struggles with over the course of the book. With WoT, Jordan basically did everything he could to hide away the damage that Tuon/the Seanchan were doing from Mat in order to try to justify why he could ~fall in love~ with her (was it intentional? to set their relationship up for a fall later in the Outriggers? we'll never know) without ever actually changing Tuon/the Seanchan for the better, which also meant giving Tuon no reason to have any internal struggles over the choices that she's made.

Gen and Attolia get another thing that Mat and Tuon desperately needed but that Jordan refused to give them: privacy. They negotiate getting married (after Gen has kidnapped Attolia in a much more narratively satisfying kidnapping than Mat and Tuon's!) in privacy, just between the two of them; when we get the conversation about their feelings at the end, again it happens in private. That makes a huge difference. Jordan being unwilling to ever actually yank Tuon away from her full power base and her slaves was a huge hindrance to ever allowing her to be vulnerable. And I do chalk this up to unwillingness and not failures due to plot set-up because there is no good reason to have Selucia tag along on the kidnapping and then it's even more bizarre in CoT & KoD, when the character of Setalle Anan goes from being fond of Mat to all of a sudden acting like he's the worst person in the world and she must protect poor helpless baby girl Tuon from him.

Both Attolia and Tuon get tricked by their respective love interests about who they are as a person because of the facade that they put up, but Attolia still has respect for Gen and his skills, even as she doubts his character, and it is Gen's own actions that show her who he really is and make her believe in him; while with Tuon and Mat, she spends over a month with him and still refuses to look past his surface until she literally has her face rubbed into it by seeing the Band's reactions to him. This difference is a key one in making Attolia's failure to see Gen as a failure due to the protective walls that she has up; while Tuon's failure comes across as her just not being very perceptive or intelligent. And the fact that we don't get the moment when Tuon begins to have even the faintest shred of respect for Mat until the end of Knife of Dreams just meant that I felt even more like all the pages time that Jordan spent on the two of them in CoT & KoD was a complete waste of my time.

We got to have genuine reactions from all of Gen's loved ones about the relationship! This is a huge place where, I guess, Sanderson is the one who failed for a change instead of Jordan because wtf was Perrin's "lol you married now bro? haha" reaction to Mat being married to a slaver? Though Jordan also does this to a certain extent with Thom, who we are supposed to believe is in love with Moiraine, and yet who never calls Mat out on courting a woman who would enslave and torture Moiraine if she had the chance. By contrast, Eddis is genuinely hesitant and worried because of everything they've heard about how cold Attolia is, and because she's the reason that Gen's hand was cut off.

We get to see Attolia and Gen develop a shared language and see behind each other's walls. The moment when she wears the earrings that he left for her, and he knows that it means she's chosen to marry him of her own free will is such a huge and impactful moment, and the only people who are aware of what it means are Attolia and Gen! This is really a failure that happens based on earlier failures of execution: because Mat and Tuon are never allowed to be alone together, it's impossible for them to develop this kind of shared coding and shared language.

12. We also have the 'footage not found' issue, where one of the characters (mostly Mat) tries to tell me something about Tuon but the narrative completely fails to back it up: this is the case with Tuon being intelligent and perceptive (in the narrative shown to us, she never picks up on anything until her nose is forcibly rubbed in it); and this is case with Mat thinking near the end of Knife of Dreams that Tuon belongs in the same 'better than other nobles' bucket as Talmanes when she has never shown herself to be willing to make better choices than other Seanchan nobles: he is still, at this point, worrying that she might enslave him and turn him into her cupbearer; she has not only threatened but actually assaulted his companions; whenever she's placed in a position of power over other people, she takes advantage of it and them. We're told that she's not a child but she also throws a tantrum (and pottery) at Mat at the start of Crossroads of Twilight. This could have worked if Jordan had leaned into the fact that Mat is deliberately lying to himself in order to make his marriage bearable, but that's where things like randomly having Setalle Anan go over to Tuon's side messes with that narrative.

13. When Jordan has Mat think about how Tuon dying would be a deep loss to him, it's just baffling because she has not done a single thing the entire 'courtship' that has shown why in the world Mat would feel that way. All of the attempts at reaching out during the courtship are Mat's, while Tuon just smugly accepts it as her due. Because Attolia doesn't just accept Gen's love as her due, because she actually doesn't believe him and challenges him on it, we get to hear his justification of it and why he feels that way, and then we also get to see her reciprocation. The relationship is a two-way street in The Queen of Attolia.

14. Which ties into the fact that Jordan chose to make Tuon not just a slaver but an enthusiastic slaver who enjoys the slave-breaking process and that is an incredibly dark place to start a character but it could have worked if it had been the beginning of Tuon's character arc and we'd actually watched her change and grow from that position. And she had the narrative set up for it! In her very first chapter, the reader learns that Tuon has the ability to learn to channel! She was created with the narrative juice to have a compelling arc about accepting the truth about herself and her people. And then Jordan gave that arc to Bethamin instead, lol.

15. In both of these stories 'fate' does kinda serve up Gen/Mat to Attolia/Tuon on a silver platter, but the execution of the storylines makes the reveal that fate was acting to push the two of them together so much more effective in The Queen of Attolia. Choice is a much larger consideration in Attolia and Gen's relationship than it is in Mat and Tuon's. There are elements of the higher powers of the world at work in both relationships, but Attolia and Gen have to put in the work themselves and have to face hard emotional truths in order to get us to the satisfying ending. I get the impression that Tuon wouldn't know an emotional truth if it spit in her eye. We actively see both Gen and Attolia consider and reject the idea of solving their main problem (about the war) without needing to get married; we see them choose their marriage and each other.

With Mat and Tuon, this is a lot more muddled. Fate/the Pattern/the 'finn want them to marry each other but we never get any kind of payoff as to why, and this is primarily because of Jordan's other storylines imo. He should not have had Rand already willing to make peace with the Seanchan in his separate storyline. Convincing Rand to be willing should have been Mat's job (because that also would mean that Mat would need to make the arguments to convince the readers). Jordan showing at the end of KoD that Rand is willing to make a deal with the Seanchan, even at the cost of giving in on the matter of slavery, basically completely voided any narrative reason for Mat and Tuon to get married, but without the satisfaction of seeing the two of them grow to a place where they would actively make that choice rather than being motivated by what they believe is necessary (due to prophecy).

There really were the bones of a potentially compelling story with Mat and Tuon, and I really do hope that the show (when we get there) is able to take those bones and turn it into a genuinely compelling story.

#the queen's thief #butterfly reads tqt #butterfly book club #wot book spoilers #a memory of light #wot #wheel of time #seanchan cw #wot meta #my wot meta #irene of attolia #eugenides #mat cauthon

[violetasteracademic]

My Two Cents on the People Magazine Article (and Elriel coming home!)

I'm sure this has already been dissected to death and I am potentially late to the game here (I only just saw the article this morning!) but I would like to share some thoughts and insight!

While by no means am I saying this to claim I am *the* expert of all experts, I would like to share that my background and previous career was in entertainment. My twenties were spent in Los Angeles, and (some of you other current or previous LA/New Yorker's may identify with this) you really learn how the sausage gets made and exactly how much money, planning, and prep goes into what we are meant to perceive as "natural." I don't mean to take the shine off of it! Just sharing my experiences. I can't share everything because some of my friends were under NDA's at the time of their employment, so I'll just give a brief overview.

Example: Late Night talk shows and many other major "live" productions that have "live" interviews are, well, not actually live. They typically film in the early afternoon even if they are set designed to look like its nighttime. And while it is in front of a "live" audience, the audience is instructed on when to clap, when to laugh, ect. This is because the interview has already been planned out, and questions approved ahead of time. This is why, even though it seems totally fresh, there are things the "host" received ahead of time. For example, all of the baby pictures and sweet photos of Sarah and Josh and then all of the staged "walking and talking photos" for the MASSIVE Today Show interview and article. And yes, this is the article where we got this absolute banger:

That "felt" like a live interview followed up with a giant article to accompany it, but was actually a full on pre-planned production. Seriously massive for Sarah. And if there's time, you can even do multiple takes and use the best shot for the "live" show. I've seen people comment on thinking Sarah seemed "not excited" in that interview and she was worried HoFaS would bomb, but I'm telling you guys, I don't think she has ever that much pressure or "lights, camera, action" on her before compared to her usual casual "chat" style interviews. Babes was nervous, and she crushed it.

Now to breakdown the new People Magazine article:

This article is being presented as "Everything You Need to Know" aka "we are your trusted resource on all things Sarah J. Mass."

People Magazine, while serving as your "trusted resource" for the world of ACOTAR, would not say the protagonists of ACOTAR are the sisters for zero reason whatsoever. What's interesting is both Lucien and Azriel get small nods, but very little otherwise and zero mention of the ship. Just Elain, baybee dolls. This further cements that this designed to portray the Archeron sisters as the leads of the series.

Now, taking a look at the author of this article to see if she specializes in anything, she really doesn't. Miss ma'am writes about everything under the sun!

She also did the Ultimate Guide to Emily Henry's books. (Major Emily Henry Stan over here. Who is dying for Funny Story to come out?!)

This is a Northwestern University journalism grad who has been with People for a few years. She certainly understands what it is that needs to come from these articles, and that is interest, clicks, money, and trust.

There is simply no reason for major networks like Today and People to invest in these thorough and in depth articles and interviews, on screen and on page, with Sarah and continue to hint towards Elain or questioning the mating bond if it will serve no purpose in improving their reputation or generating interest in the plot of the books. That is simply not how this works, and is antithetical to keeping the gears of these machines well oiled and functioning as intended.

If you read this whole thing, wow! You are an MVP. With nothing but respect to you all, I'm not sure how long I will keep this post up or how much I am willing to talk about my time in LA. I unfortunately had some experiences I am still recovering from and already feel a bit anxious putting this much information about myself out there. But for those who catch it, I hope you enjoy and can feel comforted that this is all a part of the plan. There's a reason you see repeats of themes and conversations in all her articles. It's because they are pre-planned and executed with the goal of reputation and selling books in mind.

*** Thanks to Sara Anne (@SaraAnneReads on Tiktok) who shared her insight from working on the marketing team for a magazine in 2019 that adverts have to share if an article is paid for in someway, no matter how small. Thus I have removed my statement on *this* article potentially being part of their paid marketing budget, as there is no indicator of that on the article itself which is required by law.

However, this could be what is called "Earned Media" where a marketing/publicity rep for SJM and/or Bloomsbury *could* have reached out to people magazine and basically said hey, if you want to write about this, we have an announcement coming up soon so it could be relevant and worth talking about. To which the rep for People would say to the rep for SJM, hey, thank you so much for the heads up. There is no exchange of goods or currency and no promise verbally or in writing to do the article so the ethics stay above board, but all parties benefit from earned media. Sarah's team has now earned additional buzz for the upcoming story, and a news outlet has articles out on a trending topic. However, earned media does not have to be disclosed and therefore we have NO way of knowing if this occurred here or not!

She also shared with me People's statement of integrity where People state's their high standard for ethical practices and journalistic credibility and accountability. (I mean we know they are the kings and queens of "a reliable source close to the individual," but still)

She also caught with her eagle eye that Bloomsbury explicitly states the detailed marketing plan once books are announced, including details like year-long social media campaign, arc readers, ECT. So with Sarah already posting about the next ACOTAR, we can safely assert that is part of the existing laid out marketing plan, and assume additional articles surrounding ACOTAR are all to further generate buzz.

Analysis: Elain's book announcement is coming SOON and marketing is already underway!

#elriel #elain x azriel #pro elriel #elriel endgame #elriel supremacy #azriel x elain

[ev3rgreenxtrees]

Strawberry Shortcake

-M.S

Synopsis; You won’t deny it, you are a very attractive girl. You were now a senior in highschool, and everyone seemed to have their eyes on you- except one boy, who just so happens to be the one you want the most.

Pairing; Virgin!Nerd!Sub!Matt Sturniolo X Experienced!Dom!Fem reader

Warnings; Smut, mentions of sh scars!!!! unprotected p in v [don’t do that you silly willy.], oral (m & f receiving), foul language, praise kink, pet names (baby, sweet boy, sweetheart), mommy kink (im sorry.), bondage kink, choking, BD MATTTT‼️

“Now, the boys want a taste of the strawberry shortcake

Thats my bad, thats my bad, no one taught them not to grab

Now, the boys want a taste of the strawberry shortcake”

{3rd Person POV.}

As you strolled through your school’s halls, you noticed everyones’ eyes were on you. It was inevitable. They always were. Sure, you understood that you were attractive, but so attractive to the point everyone needed to stare at you? Not nearly, in your mind. It hadn’t necessarily bothered you, it was only when people began getting bold, did it bother you. Constantly being cat-called with disgusting remarks about your body, people calling you a whore, (even though you had three bodies, which was quite a bit for a senior, but not nearly as much as others in your grade.), and people even asking you out, and you didn’t even know them.

There was one boy, however, that you did have your eyes on. Matthew Sturniolo. A name not known to many besides teachers, his brothers Nick and Chris, and obviously you. You weren’t sure why you have always been so attracted to him. The one boy who never paid you any attention, the one that might not have even noticed you existed, was the one you want the most. Odd how that works.

Matthew always seemed to pay attention in class. Him being one of the very few kids actually participating in class, most- if not all- of his responses being correct. He was seemingly brilliant. You always caught yourself staring at him in class, but he didn’t notice, so you never cared to stop. You realized that when he concentrates so hard on writing all of his notes down, he looks down at his paper, scribbling what seemed like his entire world, yet complete and utter nonsense to you. His glasses always fell slightly down on his nose, his tongue poking out of his plush lips, his hair draping down into his face.

You had always wanted to approach the boy, yet you could never find the words to. This never seemed to be an issue with anyone else in the school, just Matthew. You thought of just upright asking him on a date, but he seems to be the type to not like going out much. You thought about asking him for a book recommendation, but then you would probably have to actually read the book. Also, not a good idea. However, there had been one idea that had stuck with you. A tutor.

You wouldn’t technically be lying if you tell him you need a tutor. You were borderline failing all of your classes. You weren’t trying to- you just simply didn’t understand, and whats the point of trying if you’re not gonna get it anyways? You’d decided to ask Matthew after class today.

The bell rang shortly after, and the whole class left, as they all packed up early. It was the last class of the day, so you couldn’t blame them. Not Matthew, though. He didn’t want to miss a second of the lecture. You found it adorable how much he listens. Hot, even.

“Hey! Matthew, right?” You asked, approaching his desk. He looked down at you, and nodded. You’ve never actually been this close to him, before. His sharp jawline and accentuated cheekbones, his light stubble and his piercing blue eyes. You also hadn’t quite realized how tall he was, either. Not the tallest boy you knew, but you were much shorter than he was. “I was wondering, do you like.. Do tutoring?” I asked shyly, and the boy tilted his head.

“I.. I mean,” He started. His voice was soft, but slightly deep. “I’m sure I could, if necessary.” He shrugged. You let a small smile form on your face.

“Well.. Um.. Do you think you could tutor me?” You gulped. You don’t remember the last time you’ve been this nervous around a guy. Its just the affect Matthew has on you.

“I.. Yeah, I guess so.” The boy shrugged. “Um.. When do you wanna.. start?” He asked, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, his plain white short sleeve rolling up just the smallest bit, revealing a bit of black ink on his arm. Does he have tattoos that no one knows about?

“I’m free today, actually.. If that’s okay. We can go to the library?” I hummed. “Or my apartment, if you’re comfortable with that. I don’t live too far from here.” You offered, leaving the ultimate decision up to him, expecting him to choose the library.

“Well, it’s Friday. I’m sure there’s gonna be a lot of people in the library, and I don’t want to disturb them with us talking, so.. Your house, if thats okay?” He hummed, and your eyes widened. You were surprised that he agreed to your house, but not upset. Not upset at all. You could now have more ‘alone time’ with the boy.

“Yeah! We should probably hurry up, though. I don’t have my license yet, so I have to take the bus.” You spoke shyly, but he smiled. God, even his smile was amazing.

“No, don’t worry. I have my license, I can drive us.” He states, slipping his bag onto his shoulder, walking out of the classroom, leaving you to trail closely behind him. You figured Matthew would have his license, he seemed like the type. You jogged up to him, staying at his side. “I have to drop my brothers home first, if thats okay.” He states, more telling you than offering. You just nod.

You both made it to his car shortly after, and he offered you the front passenger seat, and he told you his brothers could sit in the back. You were the guest, after all. You both waited silently for his brothers to show up, and they eventually did. The slightly shorter boy with longer hair than Matthew and his other brother pulled the passenger door open, and his jaw dropped.

“No fuckin’ way.” He gaped, staring dead at you. Your eyebrows furrowed, and you quickly looked over at Matthew, whose face was bright red with embarrassment. “Matty! Ya finally pulling! Fuck yeah!” The boy laughed. Matty. Cute nickname.

“Shut up, Chris!” Matthew gasped, and you couldn’t help but giggle. Chris almost read your mind— probably not Matthew’s, though. The boy looked as if he’s never thought anything sexual in his life. “You’re so immature.” He scoffed.

“Aw, shut up. Don’t act like ya ain’t wanna hit that.” ‘Chris’ chuckled. “In the most respectful way, though,” Chris looked at you, smiling.

“Chris! Shut the fuck up! You’re so disrespectful!” Matthew grumbled, turning the key, the car starting. He swore. It was adorable.

“No- It’s okay. I’ve been called and told far worse.” You shook your head, reassuring both boys.

“Oh. ‘M sorry to hear that.” Chris frowned. “I hate people who degrade woman. Fuckin’ dickheads for real.” Chris scoffs.

“Yeah. I know.” I hum in agreement.

“Chris, get the fuck back here before you embarrass Matt even more than you already have. Look at the kid, for Christ’s sake!” The boy who was already in the back scolded. Both Chris and I peered over at Matthew, who’s eyes widened.

“No! Don’t look at me!” He whines, quickly turning to face the window. Chris chuckles, and shuts the door, heading to the back.

“It’s okay, Matthew. I think you’re hot, if it helps.” You shrugged, and the boy in the back fake gagged, and Matthew shot back around to stare at you.

“Hot?” He repeats. He acts like no one has ever called him hot before. It is a possibility, though. Matt was attractive as fuck, most people just chose not to compliment him, though, because he didn’t talk much. They call the poor kid a weirdo. You don’t think he is, though.

“Yeah.” You nod, and Matthew smiles.

“Just call him Matt. Matthew sounds too formal.” The boy spoke up, as Chris got into the car.

“Oh shut the fuck up, Nick. Always complaining about something.” Chris groans, buckling his seatbelt as the car began to move. The boys home wasn’t far from the school at all, so its not too far out of the way to your home. The boys teased Matt about going to my house, claiming that Matt was gonna get laid. Hopefully it was true.

“It’s that one,” You announce, pointing to a large building on left. Matt nods as he pulls into the large parking lot, which wasn’t very full. You led him to your apartment, digging in your pockets for your keys.

You lived alone, unlike most other seniors. All though they were eighteen, they didn’t have jobs or such, but you did. Your parents allowed you to move out when you were seventeen, and you’ve been doing just fine since. You pushed the door open, and walked in, kicking your shoes off, Matt doing the same.

“It’s.. nice, here.” He complimented; and you offered a bright smile. You usually did try to keep your place tidy, since it was only you, if you kept it clean, it’s the less cleaning you have to do overall.

“Make yourself comfortable on the couch,” You spoke, gesturing to the couch with a nice wooden coffee table in-front of it. “Want anything to drink?” You asked, but Matt shook his head.

“No, thank you.” Matt spoke, pulling out the math homework your teacher had assigned you. You made your way back over to Matt, sitting beside him.

Matt shortly after began his lecture, and if you were being completely honest, you actually caught onto some of it. Not most of it, just a little bit. But it was more than what you had understood from before. You knew that the math thing wasn’t what you cared about, though. Plus, knowing Matt, he’d never make the first move.

“I’m getting hot, i’m gonna go change real quick.” You announce, heading to your room. You weren’t hot. You were wearing jeans and a t-shirt, which in your opinion wasn’t revealing enough. You wanted Matt to make it obvious he wanted you before you tried to do anything. You don’t want to embarrass yourself. Once you get into your room, you rummage through your clothes. You finally found something that would do perfectly. Small cut shorts, that used to be sweatpants, and a tight cropped t-shirt. You went for more of a ‘casual’ look, so Matt wouldn’t get suspicious. You slipped your shirt and bra off, sliding the crop top on over your body, accentuating your curves and tits.

You found a pair of black lace panties, that didn’t do their job of covering you very well. You slip those on, and then slip the shorts on over them. You felt satisfied with your outfit choice, and you hoped Matt did too.

You made your way to the couch again, and as you looked over to Matt, he looked up at you. His eyes widened ever so slightly, and you could see his adams apple bob, his face turning the slightest shade of pink.

“Um.. R-ready?” He asked, and you nod, sitting next to him on the couch. You were so close, his leg brushed yours, but neither of you moved. “U-um.. So this-“ He said pointing at a random equation. “This is..” He sighed.

“Thats not the one we left off on, Matt.” You state, and he lets out a deep breath. “You don’t look so hot. Are you okay?” You hum, placing your hand on his shoulder, leaning forwards, giving him a glimpse of your tits. He glanced over, his eyes glued to your tits. “Eyes up here, Matty.” You giggled, grabbing his chin, making him look you in the eyes. His entire face was bright red.

“I-I’m sorry, ‘m so so so sorry-“ Matt whined. “I-I don’t know why I did that! Fuck! I-I just-“ Matt panicked. You took this opportunity to press your lips on his, immediately shutting the boy up. Matt seemed hesitant, but slightly kissed back until you pulled away.

“You’re okay, Matt.” You state, and Matt nods with wide eyes. “Did you not like that? I’m sorry,” I started but Matt shook his head.

“No! I mean.. I’ve just never.. done it before..?” He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. Sure. you figured Matt was a virgin, but surely he’s kissed someone before.. right?

“You mean you’ve never kissed someone before?” You questioned, and he nodded.

“Oh god… please don’t think i’m weird!” Matt pleads, and you let out a small giggle.

“You’re adorable, Matt. Why would I think you’re weird? You do know why I actually brought you here.. Right?” I asked.

“Oh- yeah. Sorry.” He states, slowly turning to face the paper again.

“No, Matt. I didn’t invite you here for that.” You hum, taking his hand. You slowly and gently place it on one of your tits, and Matt gasps and closes his eyes. You let out a small laugh at this action. “Open up, Matty. You’re okay.” He does as you say, and looks at you, wide-eyed, and mouth slightly parted.

“I..” He gulps. You could tell the boy obviously had no clue what he was doing. You knew you’d have to take lead, which was no issue to you at all.

You place your hands on his chest, pushing him back on the couch.

“Is this okay?” I asked, waiting for his response before moving on.

“Y-yes..” He nodded.

“Good boy.” You praise, and the boy whined. His sounds were euphoric to you. You straddled the boys’ lap, and his hands hovered over your hips, not touching you yet. “You can touch, baby. ‘S okay. I’m yours.” You reassure, before placing soft open mouthed kisses along the boys neck.

His head tilted backwards, allowing you more space on his neck. His hands gripped at your waist, having no other idea where to put them. You rolled your hips on his crotch, and he let out a high pitched, almost feminine, moan. You continued to kiss along his neck, rolling your hips on him, the boys’ grip tightened and loosened on your waist, as you pulled away from his neck, admiring the purple marks you had left on his neck.

“P-Please; I need you,” Matt whines, and you feel his throbbing cock through his sweats and boxers. You could tell he was big.

“It’s okay, sweet boy. Let me take my time.” You hush, and he pouts.

“Need you now,” He whimpers, and you shake your head in disapproval.

“So needy. Can’t even wait.” You scold. “Maybe, we should just continue with our lesson if you aren’t gonna have manners, hm?” You shrug, slowly removing yourself off of his lap.

“N-no! Please, mom..” He cuts himself off, throwing his hand over his mouth in embarrassment.

“What was that, sweetheart?” You hum, and Matt shakes his head. “What did you say, Matthew. Be a good boy and tell me.” You demand, gently but firmly placing your hand around his throat.

“Please, mommy. Please, I need you,” He begged, and your core throbbed. You sigh, before speaking again.

“Okay, sweet boy.” You nod, your hands resting on his waistband.

“Wait- I want to make you feel good,” He offers. How could you pass up something like that?

“Yeah? And how do you suppose you do that, Matty.” You tilt your head, stilling your movements.

“Can.. Can you sit on my face..?” He asks quietly. “Please..” He eyes your body up and down again, before looking away, seeming ashamed of himself.

“Yeah? Is that what you want?” You hum, and he nods eagerly, letting himself look back at you.

“Yes! Please, mommy.. I wanna make you feel good,” He whines. You nod, standing up, slipping your shorts off, leaving yourself in your lace panties, which hardly did their job of covering you up. “I… I’ve never done something like this before, so.. let me know if im doing anything wrong..” Matt whispers slightly ashamed of himself.

“Okay, Matty. I’m sure you’ll do fine.” I reassured him, before crawling back onto the bed, this time positioning myself over his face instead of his lap.

“Please sit, mommy,” He pleaded, and you smiled and gave him what he wanted. His tongue found it’s way between your folds, his lips wrapping around your clit.

“Oh- fuck! Good boy, you’re such a g-good boy!” You moaned out. For this being Matt’s first time at anything intimate, he was fucking amazing. The way his hands grabbed at your thighs gently, almost unsure of them being there, and the way the frames of his glasses rubbed against your inner thighs as he shook his head vigorously was driving you mad.

Matt whined at the praise, the delicious sound sending vibrations through your body. How the fuck was he so good at this? Does he watch porn all the time like a bad boy? Did he have his brother teach him? His brother was clearly a fuck boy.

“Oh, god, Matty.. Fuck-“ You panted, your stomach clenching. “Fuck,” You whined, “G-gonna make me cum,” You warned, and he let out a small whine. You felt yourself release on the boys tongue as his nose brushed perfectly over your clit, sending shivers down your spine. You began to stand up, but Matt pulled you back down onto his face, allowing himself to lap up your juices. You let out a small hiss, and he immediately lifted you off of him.

“Did I hurt you? I’m sorry, ‘m sorry,” He apologized quickly, his hands gently massaging your hips.

“No, you’re okay sweet boy. It wasn’t your fault, I just got a little overstimulated,” You run your hand through his soft hair reassuringly. He leaned his head into your touch, and you admired the way his glasses were slightly fogged up, your juices dripping down his chin. “You’re so pretty..” You hum, your hands slipping up his shirt. “Can I take this off, pretty boy?” You asked, gesturing to his shirt. He hesitated, before nodding.

You slowly lifted his shirt off, admiring his body. He was perfect, to you. You slipped his shirt off, over his head, and tossed it elsewhere in the room. Thats when you notice the tattoo you had seen earlier. It was on his inner bicep, and you admired it closely. It was a ‘N’ and ‘C’. Initials. Thats when you noticed something else. It was placed over scars, that Matt had done himself. Your heart sank; when you realized what they were from. You didn’t point it out, though. The tattoo must’ve been for his brothers, Nick and Chris.

“You’re so pretty, baby.” You hum, looking back at his face. When you said that, you saw all the worry leave his face. You leaned forwards, placing kisses on his collarbone, matching the ones you had left on his neck.

“Please.. Wanna see you,” The boy whimpered, and you pulled away from his collarbone, wasting no time slipping your own shirt off. This left you in your bra, shorts, and panties. “You’re so pretty, mommy.” The boy complimented, leaning forwards to kiss you.

You leaned into the kiss, slowly pulling his pants down, making sure to leave his boxers on him.

“Please—“ He whined, pulling away from the kiss. “I need you.” He hummed, and you let out a small giggle.

“Patience, baby.” You tutted, and the boy squirmed.

“No!” Matt cried out, slipping his own boxers off quickly. “Now!” Matt demanded, his voice loud, yet still submissive.

“Matthew!” You growl. “Stay put, and don’t fucking touch yourself. Got it?” You demanded more than asked, and his eyes widened.

“I— I’m sorry mommy, I-I didn’t mean to!” He wails, but you ignore his cries. You walked out of the living room, heading to your room. You rummage through your bedside drawer, pulling out three long strips of lace, perfect for what you need them for.

You walk back out to the living room, seeing Matt on your couch. You eyes widened and you stopped your movements. Matt was completely naked, rubbing his cock against your couch slowly, your shirt in his mouth stifling his moans and whines, his eyes shut tightly with tears rolling down his face. It was now when you realized how big he was. What a shame that he was keeping something so pretty away from everyone.

“Matthew!” You gasped, acting as if you had just walked in. “You’re such a dirty boy. How pathetic.” You scoff lowly, walking towards the boy. Hs eyes were now wide open, his movements stilled. He took your shirt out of his mouth, quickly covering his cock with it, insecure of the way you were commenting on him.

“‘M sorry! I wasn’t touching myself, mommy!” He whined. “I-I just need to…” He trailed off, clearly embarrassed.

“Thats still bad, Matthew. I thought you said you were a good boy?” You shook your head. “Sit up, hands behind your back.” You demanded, and Matt looked as if he were about to cry.

“N-no, please! I am your good boy! I-I promise! P-please..!” He cried out, but you shook your head.

“Good boys don’t do that, Matthew. Up.” I demanded once more, and he reluctantly listened, slowly sitting up, putting his hands behind his back.

“I’m sorry, mommy. ‘M really sorry..” He whined the entire time you tied his hands up. Once you were done, you laid him back down, moving down to his legs. You tightly tied them to the coffee table right at the end of the couch, so he couldn’t pull out of the restraints, but it wasn’t hurting him.

“Now you’re gonna have to hold still, hm?” You teased, walking along the couch, scraping your nails gently along his body, making sure to run them up his cock and back down. The boy was holding in his breath as to not moan already, at the slightest touch. You let out a small sigh, brushing the hair out of his face. “Such a shame you were a bad boy and now you have to be tied up.. I could’ve let you touch me..” You shake your head in disappointment, moving back down by his cock, before getting on the couch.

“I-I’m sorry, mommy.. Wanna touch you s’bad,” He cried, and you lick your lips, staring at his cock in awe. Out of the three others you had seen, Matts’ was by far the prettiest and the biggest.

“I know, pretty boy.. I want you to touch me, too, but you were naughty..” You tutted, and Matts’ jolted the second you rubbed your fingers gently over his tip. You leaned down, licking the vein along the underside of his cock.

“Oh! Fuck!” He yells out, squirming below your touch.

“Yeah? You like that, baby?” You tease, and the boy eagerly nods.

“Y-yes! Fuck, yes!” He yells out as you take his tip abruptly in your mouth. “Oh god,” He whimpers, as you swirl your tongue, collecting the salty precum, licking his slit. His stomach flexed and his back arched slightly. You knew this was his first time, so he obviously wouldn’t last long.

You slowly took the rest of him in your mouth, the boy’s hips sputtering, not thrusting though because of the restraints. You bobbed your head up and down, swirling your tongue around his warm wet cock, humming around him.

“F-fuck, mommy! I-I need to cum!” He warned, but to his surprise, you pulled off. “N-No! Please!” He wailed attempting to squirm out of the restraints, and you shook your head.

“This is what you get for not listening.” You explain, and he pouts, feeling his much needed release slowly fade away.

“Please…” He whines, and you move to hover yourself over him.

“Tell me if you want to stop, okay, baby?” You reassure, placing your hand on his cheek. “I’ll stop immediately.” I speak softly.

“O-okay.. Please..” He nodded, letting out a shaky breath. You began to lower yourself down onto him, sliding his tip into your wet cunt, causing the boy to attempt to buck his hips up. “Fuck, mommy!” He yells, his back arching and his eyes squeezing shut, as you took him deeper, bottoming out.

“Fuck, baby- filling me up so well,” You moaned out, beginning to bounce up and down on his cock slowly. He tried lifting his legs, but the lace ropes were not allowing him to. He let out loud moans and whines, hearing his sweet noises were beautiful. His legs began to shake as you rutted your hips against him, your clit brushing against him each time you threw yourself down.

“I-I- please, mommy! I need to cum..!” He cried out, and you leaned forwards, gripping his shoulders tightly, your boobs falling in his face. He took this opportunity to take your tit into his mouth, swirling his tongue around your sensitive nipple.

“G-Good boy, Matty!” You praise, and Matt lets a loud whine out as you clench around him. He came, but he felt bad for cumming without your permission. Even though you wanted to yell at him for it, you were too focused on how good you felt as you were fucking him, his face scrunched up in pleasure, as he licked at your tits.

You slow your movements as you let yourself go on his cock, letting a loud moan out in the process. You slowly pull off, immediatly plopping down on Matt. He let out a deep breath, placing open mouthed kisses to your neck, matching the deep marks he had on his.

A few minutes of you catching your breath and Matt sucking and biting at your neck, he pulled away. He began to stand up, and your heart dropped. You don’t want him to leave. You wanted to fuck him, sure, but you want him too. In more ways than just sex. You reached out to grab his wrist, stopping him from moving, causing him to turn to look at you.

“Please don’t leave,” You pleaded shyly, and he smiled. He leaned forwards, placing a kiss to your forehead.

“I wasn’t planning on it, darling. I’ll be right back.” He states. He then begins walking down the only hallway you had in your house, before turning to walk into the bathroom. You laid flat on your back. waiting for Matt to return, which he did soon after. He had a wet rag in his hand, which he used to gently wipe you down with. He then wipes himself down, and grabs your panties, slipping them back on for you, and rummaging through his backpack.

He pulled out a hoodie that he must’ve kept in there, and slid it on you. It smelled like him, bringing you comfort. He slipped his own boxers on, before picking you up gently into his arms. He begins walking down the same hallway he was down moments before, peaking into all the doorways to figure out which room was yours.

He finally found it, and placed you down gently on your bed.

“I’ll be right back, sweetheart.” He states, before exiting your room. You cuddled into the hoodie, pulling your soft blanket over you. Matt came back, moments later, your phone and his charger in one hand, and his phone in the other, which he held up to his ear. “I’m stayin’ the night here tonight, so have ma drive you and Nick to school tomorrow, kay?” He asked into the phone. He waited a minute, before scoffing and hanging up. “They keep makin’ jokes about me gettin’ laid.” Matt shakes his head, and you giggle immaturely.

“To be fair, they are telling the truth,” You shrug, and he lets out a small sigh, before plugging his phone in and crawling into the bed besides you. “Good luck at school tomorrow with them.” You joke, and his eyebrows furrow.

“Hm?” He asks, tilting his head.

“I marked ya up, pretty good.” You hum, and Matt’s eyes widen.

“Oh.. well, it’s okay. At least they’ll know im your man, and your my girl.” He smirked, gesturing to the same marks you had on your neck.

“My man? Your girl?” You teased.

“Yeah? Are ya not my girl?” He asked, but you shook your head, placing a kiss to his lips.

“Only yours.” You state proudly, tucking yourself into his body.

“Now, the boys want a taste of the strawberry shortcake

Thats my bad, thats my bad, no one taught them not to grab

Now, the boys want a taste of the strawberry shortcake”

『 ↳✧･ﾟ Finn yaps❕ ;

IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG TO WRITE.

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱ I do NOT give permission for my work to be published on any other site, nor to be claimed as your own . However , reblogs , likes , and comments are much appreciated ! 🤍

ੈ✩‧₊˚ @bernardenjoyer @lovely-calypso @75sturn @imwetforyourmom @tillies33ssss @junnniiieee07

#sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #fanfic #christopher sturniolo #fluff #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #angst #matt sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo fluff #sub matt sturniolo

[archangeldyke-all]

Something with like cellmate prisoner!sevika?! 😭😭😭 idk I just think like her being all dangerous and powerful, having a shit ton of friends but like selectively, no one messing with her maybe even hating how just mean she is. And then comes in reader and yk. I’d love if the story was smutty but u can chose ofc 🫦

i love this so much

men and minors dni

living in zaun is shit. but the one thing that's always kept you and a majority of your fellow citizens in line, was the ever-looming presence of stillwater prison just a few miles away. you've watched countless people enter those prison walls. you know very few who ever came back out.

and now, through a series of unfortunate events that lead to you assaulting an undercover enforcer, you're going to find out first hand just how horrible stillwater really is.

you don't think you've ever been so nervous in your life as the enforcer guides you-- restrained and already hating the itchy fabric of your new life-long uniform--down a long, long hall of cells.

he's chewing a wad of bubblegum, casually, like you aren't about to piss yourself with nerves. "listen kid." he says, looking you up and down. "i read your file. seems like you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time." he says, shrugging. "no prior arrests, clean record-- honestly i'm surprised they sent you here, but i guess you did break marcus' nose." the enforcer chuckles here.

"you know that asshole?" you ask. the man guiding you snorts.

"'s my boss." he mumbles. beside you, a prisoner lunges at the bars of their cell, screaming at you. you jump, and the guard laughs. "as i was sayin'-- you seem like a real peach. like you'd be a good influence on some of our... rougher prisoners." he mumbles.

dread starts to curl in your stomach. you have a pretty good idea of where this conversation is headed, and you don't like the outcome. you just hope you aren't cellmates with someone real bad: like genie the counter-fitter who got caught two years ago; esmee the weapons expert who successfully set an entire square block of piltover's wealthiest neighborhood ablaze; or, god forbid, sevika.

she'd been caught just weeks ago, smuggling an entire airship's worth of shimmer into piltover's loading docks. it was big fucking news.

sevika's a big fucking deal.

and you want absolutely nothing to do with her.

which is why, of course, the guard pulls you to a stop right outside of the only cell with a light on, the low, dim glow of a reading lamp and the quick flickering light of a lighter. you feel like you're gonna barf.

sitting in the shadows of the cell, puffing on a hand-rolled cigarette, sits sevika, silco's second in command.

if he's the eye of zaun, she's the arm. he might be watching-- but she's doing. she's nothing but bad news; everything you've tried your best to avoid while living in the undercity.

well, look how well that turned out for you.

"sevika, meet your new cellmate." the enforcer calls out. a pair of silver eyes snap up from her book and lock on yours. you shiver.

"fucks' wrong with her?" she mumbles. you gulp.

"nervous, i'd assume. 's her first-offense." the guard says. he shoves you into the cell and you jump as the bars slam shut behind you. "you ladies have fun." he says, before turning and walking away, the smacks of his gum echoing behind him.

sevika inspects you from her chair.

"how'd you fuck up so bad you ended up in a cell with me from your first offense?" she asks, seemingly intrigued.

"punched an undercover enforcer." you whisper. sevika's eyebrow hitches up, a little amused.

"yeah?"

"think his name was marcus, or something." you mumble. she sputters.

"ha! really!?" she asks, a little smile growing on her face. you nod. she takes a drag off her cigarette, then points at the bunk beds. "i get bottom. don't go thinkin' 'cause we're cellmates it means you get to touch my shit. i got people outside pullin' big favors for met to get shit like this." she gestures to her cigarettes and lamp. you nod. "don't look so nervous. i won't bite unless you piss me off."

you try to stop shivering. you don't succeed. "s-sorry."

she studies you for a moment, her smile growing as she does. though she's no longer armed with shimmer, her arm's still in perfect working condition, five little daggers gently tapping on the table top as her eyes dart across you. "you from the lanes?" she asks. you nod. she snorts. "you know who i am?" she asks. you nod again. she chuckles, then stands. she approaches you, circling around you like you're prey, then chuckling and leaning back against the table, crossing her arms over her chest. "you scared'a me?" she asks.

"shouldn't i be?" you choke out.

it seems to be the right answer. sevika laughs, then sits back down at her table, picking her book back up, chuckling intermittently for minutes after.

she's not a bad roommate. she's surprisingly tidy, always quiet, her nose usually buried in a book. she smokes like a fucking chimney, and you've come to find she gets her tobacco-- and sometimes a bit of weed-- from one of the guards every tuesday night.

she's got special privileges among most of the guards. they're always sneaking her books and flasks, letting her get away without cell-searches, letting her read past lights out and have lighters and screwdrivers and other dangerous, weapon-like tools.

you, on the other hand, do not have these privileges. and, keeping in line with sevika's one and only rule, you don't touch her shit. all of this means that while sevika smokes and works on her arm and reads and works out, you spend your time just... sitting on the top bunk. watching her.

sometimes, during open cell time, she gets visitors. you're surprised that none of these visits end in shady dealings-- sevika doesn't seem to need to trade her stash of goods for anything. most of her visits are quick, and most end the same way: a small scrap of paper being shoved in sevika's hand.

she burns the scraps after she reads whatever's on them.

she's... pleasant, sometimes. it's rare, but it happens. one day, you'd forgotten to make your bed before you went to breakfast. you returned to find it neatly made, and when you thanked her for helping you avoid trouble with the guards, she had just waved it off. "don' get used to it. i won't always be here to fix your mistakes."

once, a fight broke out while you were in the showers. you were sent back to your cell soaking wet-- your hair still lathered in shampoo. she had chuckled, called you a "wet rat", and helped you rinse your hair out in the tiny sink in your cell.

and... she's kinda pretty. it occurred to you one evening while the two of you were partaking in your nightly routine: sevika reading in her chair while you study her, pretending to sleep. she'd glanced up at you and whispered. "why're you always lookin' at me?"

you shrugged, then nearly choked on your tongue when 'you're pretty' almost slipped out of your mouth. "uh... i got nothing else to look at." you'd ended up saying. she seemed to accept this.

"you don't have any prison girlfriends?" you ask. sevika's in a particularly jovial mood today: the note she'd been delivered earlier in the afternoon must've had great news. she's decided to share her joint with you. the question slipped out the second you took your first puff-- your tolerance astronomically low from being without for so long.

sevika laughs. "nah."

"but..." you cut yourself off before you get yourself in trouble, biting your lip. sevika chuckles, then nudges your leg.

"y' can say it." she says. you smile at her, then speak.

"it's just... i had a few friends who work at babette's." you say. "i figured you'd have as much of a reputation here as you do there."

she takes a second, tilting her neck side to side as it cracks, then sighing. "i got shit to do in here." she says simply. you raise an eyebrow at her, biting your lip again, and she chuckles. "say it." she demands again.

"you just read all day." you laugh. sevika nods.

"i'm... working." she says. you just nod along, pretending you understand what she's alluding to.

it happens in the strangest way but you and sevika start to become... friends.

she sits alone at lunch, and you sit alone too, on the oppisite side of the cafeteria. but you're so used to looking at sevika, that you find yourself watching her even when there are much more entertaining things to look at, like the handful of fights that break out every meal.

you notice she loves the jello cups you guys get once a week. so you pocket yours and toss it at her later that night. the way she smiles lights up the room even brighter than her tiny lamp. you make it a habit.

she starts loaning you her books, finds you a crate to sit on by her table while you guys read together at night.

and when sevika gets jumped in the middle of the night-- you don't even question it before you jump out of your bunk, grab sevika's screwdriver where she left it on the table, and start swinging in the dark, blindly.

"what the fuck?" someone squawks when you manage to stab something in the dark.

"what?" sevika whispers in the dark.

"sevika, your bunkmate fucking stabbed me!" her attacker's voice rings out.

a light flicks on. you cringe at the sudden brightness, then blink in confusion as sevika and a guard with a screwdriver sticking out of their shoulder stare at you.

sevika's grinning. the guard is scowling. you hold your hands up in shaky fists, preparing for a fight. sevika chuckles.

"relax, sweetheart." she says, swinging her arm around you and tugging you into her side. "ran's a friend." she whispers into your ear. you blink at the bleeding guard, then back at sevika.

"so, what, we're taking your girlfriend with us now?" the guard-- ran-- asks. sevika looks at her friend, then looks at you, a calculating look in her eye. she smirks, shrugs, then looks back at the guard.

"she threw herself between me and a uniform-- can't just throw that kinda loyalty out, now can i?" she asks, smiling.

you don't know what's happening. you're about to ask-- when suddenly you black out.

the first thing that comes back to you is your sense of hearing.

voices.

"sevika, fuck, you can't just throw a wrench in the plan like this--"

"i can do whatever the fuck i want--"

"on the night of the breakout?! no heads up!?"

"do i need to remind you which one of us is second in command, here?!"

"...fuck. c'mon, help me load her in the van."

the next thing is your sense of touch. you're laying on the rumbling cold steel of a van floor-- currently in motion.

you're shivering, but then something warm and wool and smelling like cigars is draped over you.

you're head keeps bumping uncomfortably with every crack in the road. someone gently picks your head up and puts it in their warm nap, a hand coming down to scratch your scalp.

your voice comes next. "mmmh?"

"it's okay." sevika's voice comes. you groan, cracking your eyes open, only for her face to be grinning down at you. "fuckin' maniac." she giggles.

"wha?" you groan. you're seeing double, your head is pounding.

"ran knocked you out. 's what you get for stabbin' 'em." sevika chuckles. "but, you're lucky, 'cause they don't hold a grudge. they helped me lug your ass outta stillwater."

"wha?!" you ask again, snapping up. sevika laughs as you look out the front window of the van-- the depths of piltover surrounding you as you head, presumebly, to the last drop.

you recognize the man driving-- a tall, muscular, tattooed man who'd recently been added to your cell block's guard rotation. in the passengers' seat sits the guard you'd stabbed-- bandaged and watching you with amusement.

"wha's happenin'?" you mumble, looking back at your cellmate as you clutch a hand to your throbbing head. you've been shrouded in a red cloak-- sevika's already out of her prison uniform and back in her 'second in command' look. she smirks at you.

"y' really think i was jus' sittin' around, servin' my time?" she asks. you shrug.

"figured somethin' was goin' on. y' kept gettin' those notes. didn't wanna ask." you groan. sevika chuckles.

"well, you shoulda. or i shoulda warned you, so you didn't try killing my crew." she chuckles. you blink over to the person in the passengers' seat, cringing.

"s-sorry." you mumble. they wave it off.

"'s cool. knocked you right the fuck out, didn't i?" they chuckle. "we're even."

you turn back to sevika. "you broke me out of prison?" you ask. she shrugs.

"'re you mad about it?" she asks. you gawk at her.

"uh... just... a little surprised?"

sevika cackles. you smile at the sound, despite your headache. "i wasn't plannin' on it! then you started givin' me your jello, 'n readin' all my books, 'n..."

"she's got a crush on you." ran fills in from the front.

"i didn't say that!" she shouts.

"she's not denying it though--" the man driving teases.

you choke on your spit. sevika huffs, rolls her eyes, and speaks. "i... i kinda got a crush on you, yeah." she mumbles. "and i swear i'm not sayin' this jus' 'cause i think you're cute but: you should really stay with us at the last drop until things calm back down, since, y'know... you're kinda wanted now..." she says, rubbing the back of her neck.

you blink... shocked.

you don't really know what to think. you tried your whole life to stay out of trouble, and it managed to find you anyways in the form of a drunken under-cover enforcer deciding to smack your ass when you'd had too many drinks to hold your punches. you tried to stay out of trouble in stillwater until you were saddled with sevika. you tried to stay out of trouble with her until she dragged you-- literally, you were unconscious!-- out of prison along with her. it seems like trouble's meant for you.

but if there's one thing you're certain of, it's sevika.

you smile at her, then reach up to cup her cheek. she looks more nervous than you've seen her in all your months in stillwater together.

"you gotta crush on me?" you ask. she gulps.

"i'd say it's a little more than a crush seeing she broke you outta stillwater as your first date--"

"ran!" sevika hollers. you chuckle.

"is this our first date?" you ask, raising your eyebrow at her. she shrugs.

"it's... jus' don't expect the next dates to be this exciting." she chuckles, rolling her eyes. you grin, then dart forward and press a kiss to her lips. when you pull away, she's wearing that same nervous look again.

"you okay?" you whisper. she licks her lips, nuzzles a bit against your hand on her face, and nods.

"'m just kickin' myself for not puttin' the moves on you sooner. coulda been fuckin' you to pass the time in prison instead of readin' all those boring books." she mumbles. you burst into laughter, and she grins.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai @vikasub

#sevika #sevika imagine #sevika arcane #sevika x reader #sevika x you #soft sevika

[olderthannetfic]

I always see people who have never been antis, talking about/questioning how some antis even ARE antis when you look at their taste in media - ie the ever famous joke of "Hannigram is #problematique" "but it's a show where he eats people" or whatever.

I thought I'd weigh in as someone who could, hypothetically, be called an ex-anti (which, thankfully, nothing ever really came out of it - it was just very 2014 keyboardwarrior-esque behavior of me being a chronically online young adult who would share posts in a group chat making fun of certain shippers, or reblog posts about how 50shades is The Most Problematic Media Ever to exist -- basically I was an anti with anti-lines of thoughts, but i never, like, a ran a Shipping Discourse Blog or whatever)

For me, personally, it was a few different things. I can now see how it's incredibly hypocritical that teenaged me shipped Light/L, while still thinking that Dramione was Bad And Abusive. It ultimately boiled down to a) being pretentious, and b) just not understanding media or what proshippers REALLY believed, with a side of c) not realizing that nuance exists. like i was pretty late to join tumblr, I think I immigrated here during PEAK "yourfaveisproblematic" era which definitely did have an impact on my opinions and my tastes.

to elaborate, a.) being pretentious. i mean this one just kinda goes without saying. "I engage in media in a way more intellectual way than you do, don't you know that? You're a filthy and disgusting person who writes Snape/Hermione because you're an actually disgusting pedophile IRL who would probably date your own student that you're abusing if you could. Meanwhile, I'm a very smart, good, and pure person. When I read Uncle Vernon/Harry, I'm doing it in a G-d honoring whump way that clearly condemns abuse, incest, and rape. Unlike YOU who only writes harmful stuff as a way to get people off :/"

(as an aside, i think this line of thinking will ALWAYS be present in fandom and popculture in some way, sadly. ie the recent trend of people hating on booktok bc the books are 'trashy' and how these porn addicts should read real classic literature instead.)

as for b.), not understanding media - i cannot emphasize enough that i was GENUINELY stupid and disconnected enough to think that proshippers REALLY WERE pro-All Of The Degenerate Dead Doves That They Wrote.

why did i feel this way? why did i understand that Lolita clearly isnt pro-pedophilia, but for some reason i thought that someone shipping weecest was? well, first of all, i think that fanfiction is (generally) seen as Less Serious than classic literature, and fandom is a fun place, so i guess i somehow thought that every fanfic/fanartist who wrote Problematic Things, especially Problematic Things that they portrayed as Sexy, really DID enjoy the thought of that Actually Happening To Real People.

and i think THIS is the bulk of why antis ARE antis. i'm not calling them all stupid - i do think BEING an anti is stupid, but at the same time, there are people who are truly smart and good-intended people who just have some really off color opinions about, like, homestuck ships or whatever. Lawlight is okay because notebooks that kill people don't exist so it's IMPOSSIBLE for the Harmful Aspects of Light/L to be romanticized! but schoolyard prejudiced bullies DO exist and are a REAL problem so Drarry is BAD (*truly completely unaware of the fact that there's 'realistic' aspects of the Light/L dynamic and 'unrealistic' aspects of Drarry - such as, for example, Hogwarts arguably being even MORE of a fantasy setting than DN is.*) I know that media literacy is the hot buzzword of the year to throw around in 2024, but, like, i really did not have media literacy.

as for c.), not realizing nuance exists - ok "nuance" might not be the best word here, but i dont know how else to describe it. like, each time ive typed the word "problematic" out in this ask, i've done so in a very tongue in cheek/ironic/retroactive way, but, like, those posts about how Everything Is Problematic, Including Your Fave ARE true. and i didn't like the fact that my favorite media or favorite person might've Made A Mistake! i need to Talk About Its Issues Because I'm So Betrayed That My Dear Sweet Comfort Media Would Do This To Me. I Need To Prove I Clearly Condemn It.

like, i legit morally could not justify reblogging a twilight post without adding in the tags '#this is my guilty pleasure it sucks that the books were so racist though' or whatever. Most people were lucky enough to avoid that line of thinking, but there was an actual group of people who felt a genuine need to virtue signal all the time, partly bc, hey, they WERE passionate about talking abt #issues in media, but also bc of a subconscious fear of If You Reblog A Singular Piece Of Hetalia Fanart, You're Literally A Nazi And Will Get A Callout Post Written About You.

and during all of this i was at the tail end of my high school experience (yes i know im younger than most of your audience, ha). i was going through A Lot emotionally, going through a lot of life changes, and lived in a very . . . interesting household/place where i couldn't do ACTUAL good in the world that i was passionate about. so to make up for the fact that i was genuinely in no place to do legit activism, clearly i had to save the gay community by arguing about johnlock queerbaiting or whatever.

^ and honestly i do think that is the position of most antis. theyre isolated and cant seem to do Enough in the Real Scary World so they have to resort to talking about how bad of a person someone is for "shipping abuse", bc theyre not in a situation where they could, for example, ACTUALLY fight the good fight to end abuse or raise awareness for it.

There was way more to it and way more that I could say, if I wanted to, but this post is long enough as it is and probably doesn't make much sense.

I feel bad for antis, honestly, or at least the ones who are antis in the way I used to be.

--

Oh yes, passionate young fools who think they can at least fix the internet if not their lives make up most of the cannon fodder. Some of the ringleaders are just mini dictators and wannabe cult leaders, but most anti-leaning types are just traumatized or clueless, even a lot of the ones who do serious damage and don't just mock shit in private with their friends.

[hunn1e-bunn1e]

Extra 1 - "Solitary Fallen Star & Foreign-Born Kin"

🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.

In which the Traveler and Paimon unknowingly come across a mysterious adeptus by the name of Sky Weaver while the two are exploring near the sparsely populated cliffsides of Mt. Mingyuan. Or; In which the long-forgotten tale of the adeptus Sky Weaver is uncovered by Aether from the lips of the various Adepti of the Nation of Liyue and the people who know them.

Prologue | Part 1 | (1.5) | Part 2 | (2.5) | Part 3 | (3.5) | Part 4 | (4.5) | Part 5 | (5.5) | Part 6 | (6.5) | Epilog | Extra 1 | Extra 2

                                                                                                   

🌠•♡•🌠•♡•🌠•♡•🌠•♡•🌠•♡•🌠•♡•🌠•♡•🌠

"Hey Traveler..."

Paimon mumbles as she closes her little fist onto the fabric of her pillowcase; drooping eyes fighting to stay open.

The golden blonde turns his head from the book in his hands to face her; his long unbraided hair swaying with the movement of his head. He marks his page half-mindedly and sets his reading material aside, providing the small girl with his full attention.

"Yes Paimon?" 

Aether answers her softly, eyes patient and curious.

"When you find your sister..."  

The small girl whispers as she fidgets and plays with her fingers; a nervous habit that she developed through their time together.

"When you find her... you're going to leave right?"  

Aether pauses; he hadn't really thought of that. What will he do after Lumine finally stops running from him? After she finally decides that he's ready to be with her... 

Actually, now that he thought about it, this wasn't fair. Why is he forced to go and look for her while she knows where he is at any given time? Why doesn't she just tell him what she's doing? Who she's fighting for? What are her plans? As her brother, he would follow her to the ends of the earth... so why is she doing this? Doesn't she understand how painful this is for him?

The golden blonde stares down at his lap in thought; does he... really need to find his sister? Is he doing this because he wants to or out of the moral obligation of being her brother?

Lumine... Aether loves Lumine... but...

"To... to answer your question, Paimon, it's very likely."  

Aether spoke absentmindedly, his mind still preoccupied with his racing thoughts.

The fairy-like girl watches as her friend stares into space. She figures that he's just now thinking about the circumstances that he's been forced into. Her white hair bounces as she sits up; eyes filled with sympathy.

"Hey Trav—... Hey Aether?"  

Paimon calls to him softly, her little hand reaching out and tugging at his borrowed night clothes.

The boy looks up at her, listening but still dazed with thoughts. He only mutters a quiet 'Yeah?' as he absentmindedly plays with a lock of his kinky golden blonde hair.

"When you guys go... c‐can you please– can you please take Paimon with you? P‐paimon doesn't want you to leave her behind..."  

Paimon whimpers with wobbly lip; tears beginning to gather and bead up on her thick lashes.

Aether blinks; the small girl's teary eyes snapping back to reality and prompting him to wipe away her tears with the pads of his thumb. He smiles softly, the upward curve of his lips filled with love and gentleness.

"Paimon... I don't know if I ever told you this, but for a while now, I've considered you my little sister. Family never leaves each other behind."  

The golden blonde answers sincerely, raising a hand to carefully ran his fingers through her soft white hair.

'—or at least, they aren't supposed to.' He finishes in his thoughts.

Even if Lumine continues to shy away from him, at least he has Paimon here with him to keep him company.

"You know... you've cried an awful lot these past few days, I'm surprised you even have any tears left in you. Maybe that's why you eat so much.~"  

Aether coos as he teasingly, but lightly, pushes her head down and ruffles her hair.

Paimon squeals at the weight on her and her friends playful jab, smack her little fists into his thigh in defiance.

"HEY! Paimon thought that we were having a moment! Quite being mean or Paimon will definitely hide all your Mora!"  

The small girl growls at him, her cheeks puffed up in irritation.

Yeah... maybe– maybe Aether can put off finding Lumine for the time being. He loves her... but maybe it's time for him to be selfish. Just for a little while...

🌠•♡•🌠•♡•🌠•♡•🌠•♡•🌠•♡•🌠•♡•🌠•♡•🌠

🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.•°•.🐇.

Wanna see similar content? Check out my Genshin Masterlist and Series Masterlist!

If you want to be added to the tag list, please let me know! #thetaleofskyweaver @itztaki @sassy-cat-in-town @xharisrealm @lupicalbestwolf @pjmsies @just-here-reading @chibiduck @dellalyra @kiiyoooo @heavenlysilence0vx @2nd-number @yourfavoritefreakyhan @mshope16 @paastaboi

#the tale of sky weaver #male reader #adeptus reader #adeptus male reader #genshin #genshin aether #genshin gaming #genshin xiao #genshin baizhu #genshin zhongli #genshin x reader #genshin x male reader #genshin impact #genshin impact aether #genshin impact gaming #genshin impact xiao #genshin impact baizhu #genshin impact zhongli #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x male reader #aether x reader #aether x male reader #gaming x reader #gaming x male reader #xiao x reader #xiao x male reader #baizhu x reader #baizhu x male reader #zhongli x reader #zhongli x male reader

[conkers-thecosy]

I wanted to talk about my original works for a bit, if that's okay?

So I've been thinking about my original stories more and more lately. I have so many ideas and WIPs, some of them at various stages of completion, and until recently I really didn't think anyone would be interested in them. I'm still not sure, but a few folks have expressed an interest now, and idk, it just makes me want to have a go.

I won't lie, I did consider messing about with some of them and turning them into fanfiction (The Prince & The Botanist, for example, I started way before I fell into the bagginshield fandom, but I can honestly say it wouldn't take much for me to tweak my OCs, which is pretty funny in retrospect) because honestly, all I've ever wanted as a writer is for people to read and enjoy what I put out, you know?

I've started a little collection of "first chapters" on AO3 for my original projects so that folks can have a look and let me know what they think. I'm fully open to feedback and suggestions on how I ought to progress with any of them - so long as it's constructive.

Initially all these projects started because I wanted to write a collection of stories about queer people, that weren't actually about them being queer. I'm hesitant to give too many details here, but a young girl I know very well (and have known for all her life tbh) recently came out to me, and one of the things we both have in common is that we love to read. The more I thought about her, and the state of the world, and the kind of queer books I was reading at her age, it just made me a bit sad. Being queer isn't everything we are, and we deserve fairytales, murder mysteries, jewel heists, masquerades, eldritch horrors, fake marriages, and romance without all the bigotry that so often comes up in queer lit.

Don't get me wrong, I understand why it's there - it's our lived experience! I've done it too, put homophobia in fanfiction for The Hobbit and poor "queer" Bilbo Baggins, because that social isolation and desperation to fit in is my own experience as someone who was closeted for a good long while, in very conservative surroundings. But I just thought it might be nice too, to write stories where that just... isn't a thing?

I'm probably rambling at this point, haha 😅 I guess what I'm trying to say is that I do really want to revisit all these stories, and I know folks won't be even nearly as interested in them as they have been in my fics. I'm just not sure what to do with them, I guess!

#conkers corner #all's fair #the prince and the botanist #tpatb #queer lit

[rudeflower]

you need a library card

Almost everyone I know doesn't have a library card, and some of them read less than they want to because they can't afford to buy the books they want???? GUYS BIG SOLUTION TIME

BOOKS! Audiobooks! DVDS! Movie/series/documentary streaming services! Ebooks! Video games! Magazines!

Air conditioning! Wifi! Heat! Meeting rooms to reserve! Copy machines! Printers! Quiet safe place!

FOR FREE! FOR FREE! NO COST! FOR FREE!!!

Let's face is inflation is killing us, and you may have had to sacrifice buying books for fun, keeping the heat at a comfortable temp, cancel a few subscriptions. Enter your library card

"I don't have time to go a library" me neither I use the audiobook and ebook app daily and check out digital books and get them on my phone immediately

"I want to support the author" If you like it then you buy it! You don't have to pay up front for something you might not like ten pages in! Buy a book you know you love even if you don't plan to reread it to support the author!

"I don't want to wait for a book" Fair enough then don't, check out the books you can wait for

This world has home, where you pay to be, and very very few places outside of the home that you don't have to pay to be. If you're losing your head and need to get out for a few hours, you have to pay to exist almost anywhere you want to go. Not libraries.

I've gone to libraries weekly, almost daily at times, my whole life and they have never once asked anything of me. They give.

This world takes and takes and takes and libraries give and give and give and you deserve to be given lovely things.

It is not hard to get a library card, for most people. In most places I've lived you need some form of evidence you live in the area the library serves, and I've brought in a piece of mail, a student ID or an electric bill and been good to go. Many libraries also work with people who don't have documentation like this to get one anyway.

Get a library card even if you don't think you'll use it. Because one day there will be a book you really want that your local bookstore doesn't have, but who has it? THE LIBRARY! GO GET IT!

This is a USA centric post, and also goes out to my non-American cousins who taught me that libraries are a beautiful gift and not a given, and we should take advantage of it more often than we do

Get a library card, love yourself

#i know multiple people who love reading and limit how much they read because they can't afford books! #i don't know where you live but i live in a small city and they could totally! be! rolling! in! library! books! #there are very few things i think people are living wrong if they don't do #i don't care who you date i don't care what you eat i don't care how you dress #i do care that you don't have a library card #libraries #library card

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

ORV is about enduring the horrors in real time.

(for @everyonesfavoritebastard)

#omniscient reader's viewpoint #kim dokja #yoo joonghyuk #I read a few arcs of ORV a few years back so I am at least loosely familiar with the characters and premise. #ORV dares ask the question: “what if you finally met your beloved blorbo who helped you cope through the horrors - and he *hates you*” #The reversal of what most people feel about some of their blorbos (love them but would never want to meet someone like that in person) #I would love to keep reading orv but it is very long and I already promised to finished like...3 other shows and several books. #my gesture of affection is consuming the media my friends care about. Alas I have none who are into orv to motivate me. #Also hey there raffle winner everyonesfavouritebastard - you gave no prompt at all so I took a random swing based on ur pfp and blog #I hope you like kim dokja! I am terribly sorry if you meant to leave a prompt and something glitched #EDIT: Found out raffle winner everyonesfavouritbastard didn't know it was a raffle. Homie...I'm So Sorry. #Now I *really* hope you like Kim Dokja. #You're so valid; I too would be mesmerized by the beauty of stackedbird's lovely little apple art.

[gibaraltar]

as far as social media sites go, even if some people on here are. A Lot. And there's bad corners, as per everywhere... Still, compared to Some Other Large Sites there is an appreciation for the Human here. The experience of being human, the joy of creation, exploration of the reasons we share things and the motivations and experiences of authors. Of reflecting on how works impacted us. How even simple funne posts or whatever impact us.

#in the corner ive pruned for myself at least i feel much surer that we all understand that intention in media matters lol #like. i saw a post by some tech shithead about how “the future could be that we never have to watch or read the same thing twice” #implicitly that thanks to AI we'd never have to consume the same thing twice. #and i just. felt like an alien #bc even though he was obviously being ratioed to fuck #very few people were saying explicitly “that would blow who even wants that” #but i know for a damn fact all my mutuals here who have read the same 3 books on rotation for decades bc they were formative got me lol #personal #text post #People who don't create and have in fact removed the idea that they could ever create are black holes of humanity btw #even if you think you aren't creative most of us have at least some hobby where we make SOMETHING #whether you took to mending your own shoes or DIYing or playing guitar or dnd or woodworking or 3D printing or collecting retro synths #you likely have something you relax with #channel feelings into #these people seem to have never once experienced the human concepts of exploration or creation or play. all they have is consumption. #and its making me even more mental than i already am lol

[lloydfrontera]

i mean this in the least weird possible i promise but. i think that you get an extra layer of delight in reading tged and 약 파는 황태자 if you're used to consuming korean content. i'm not saying you're missing something important from them if you don't do this but,,,, i do think there are certain little details and humor that probably don't hit quite as much if you're not familiar with some of the culture and humor lol

it's just the little things, like lloyd calling javier "this punk" or "this guy" even while talking directly with him, because it feels sorta awkward in english, but if you're used to watching series or movies in korean you can almost hear the tone in which he's saying it.

or when javier is teasing lloyd and he hits too close at home and lloyd just goes "hey" but you can almost heart the "야" which is very close but not quite. or this little 'haah' he does when he's kind of frustrated or thinking hard about something.

or that you don't quite get why it's such a deal that julian started calling lloyd 'older brother' cause the translation doesn't use the word 'hyung'. or that the point of javier and lloyd's bet was that if lloyd lost he would call javier, someone younger than him, 'hyung' which would imply he's older and is a form of showing respect or affection. which is completely different from the 'master' they used in the translation. or how sweet and kind of sad it is that theodore still calls rakiel 'hyung' even when the whole court expects them to be against each other.

or just in general the way the dialogue flows feels much more natural when you consider that it was originally written in korean and not in english

it just,, small things that you don't quite notice unless you already have experience in dealing with a different language than the one you were raised with akjshdkja

#i talk a lot <3 #i think people who are bilingual will get what i'm saying #it's not the same to read a translation when you don't know the original language as it is when you do know it #even if you don't quite speak it #there's just a certain tone to all languages #and you enjoy media a lot more when you consume it in it's original language #or are at the very least familiar with it #my native language is spanish and when i learned english i had to learn the way humor and tone and slang is used with it #because it's so much different than the humor and tone and slang we use in spanish and if you don't learn those things you're missing a big #chunk of the language itself #now my korean is basically non-existent i can tell you a few words and phrases and can maybe get the gist of a couple sentences #i would not be able to read an entire book in korean #but i'm familiar with the sounds and intonation of it so it's fun to see the way a sentence is written in korean #and being able to kinda tell how it would sound out loud #or i dunno maybe i'm just a nerd ajskdhjka

[hmsmilkbone]

honestly. I don't really have a lot of interest in jjk anymore, which is super frustrating as the story foundation is really interesting. I have my favorite characters, and I'm not really interested in reading beyond this point.

As a whole, I'm not a huge fan of dropping stories just because they don't go the way you want. In general I personally try not to do this, but stories where the author clearly hates the material or the audience so much they're willing to destroy the story to do so are not enjoyable. I really don't think gege even really likes writing jjk anymore.

There may be some change that I hear about months from now where something worked out one way or the other, but in general I feel like this story is not going to resolve in a way that feels like reading it was a worthwhile experience. And like, for good OR bad. Not every story has a happy ending, but this is really not particularly interesting and I don't feel the need to continue a story where the writer isn't even interested in what happens or how it advances anything outside of their personal pettiness. Feels very much like grr Martin. All the meaningless death and abuse without any real redeeming qualities.

I'm trying to remind myself that not every author wants to be a storyteller. Not every story is good. It's ok to read stories that aren't the best simply because you want to see where it goes, but gege isn't superior in some way, and i dont 'trust that he's cooking'. Even if the story turns around in an interesting or strategic way, I really am not particularly impressed. Ordinarily I would stay along for the ride, but I can't bring myself to care about something even the author doesn't care about. :/

#jjk spoilers #idk i really just dont have any expectations anymore #i love reading books apart from manga and ive had to put down a few because they felt like this #and i have almost always found that in the end my perception of the author and their story was accurate #it makes me sad seeing this unfold in this way #but the shibuya arc which is apparently the least ljked arc in the series #is stretching on forever and people arent enjoying it #anecdotally ive seen a lot of people drop the series #and eventually its just gojng to be all the grimdark losers who unironically love shit like this #it just feels very much like a story for men who hate people #it feels like all the weirdos who made the joker their personality and all the dudes who cant breathe without talking about fight club #or like.. say shit about how the liberals are ruining media like thats the kind of person i see talking about jjk most of the time now #using slurs and not even having intelligent conversations about what's happening #the conversation is usually 'sukuna mid no cap' 'are you stupid gojo is mid stop copium' #and that exchange is repeated over and over like. you have nothing else to add at this point? #i mean i know its primarily bc honestly there really isnt any depth to the story beyond that but my god #what an insufferable way to write or receive a story #and honestly!! i really dont feel like jjk fits into a kids story category at this point #so i do actually feel ljke it is reasonable to expect better writing #not that stories aimed toward kids are bad but one piece is a good example of a story geared more towards children or young adults #adults CAN enjoy it but oda intentionally does not make the story so upsetting that kids cant read it and feel reflected in the events #but jjk is very very different and i think the drop in the quality of writing is reflected in the growing toxicity of the fanbase #anyways.. if you read jjk & youre feeling upset its ok to step away and check in once a month when you can mentally / emotionally prepare #i had to enforce a no read/watch accountability pact with my friends because it was making their depression worse again #no story is worth your health. gege does not give a flying fuck about you. you need to take care of yourself. #im just enjoying my sandbox with the characters and when the story is over ill check back in #theres no right way to experience the story but if its not healthy for you #you wont miss anything by unplugging #and you may find that you really dont want to get back into it when you read it again to check on the story every once in a while #jjk 237

[catominor]

This Years Thoughts On Reading. tbh

the past year i read a lot more than i had in quite some time. to be fair, i didn't finish most of the books i started, didn't start most of the books i want to read, and spent most of my time wasting time on social media still (i don't know why i can't stop doing this. i don't even enjoy it past a certain point). i didn't do well in my university classes. but for a really long time i've found it very difficult to read at all, even to read fiction. i read a lot of fiction (by my standards) this year, especially historical fiction set in ancient rome (though i also read some other good books, favorites among which are probably queer by william burroughs, night side of the river by jeannette winterson, and invisible cities by italo calvino. i also read quite a few short stories and a bit of poetry), i read or started /some/ nonfiction, i read or started /some/ ancient literature, and i had a poem and a short story published in my university's poetry journal and newspaper respectively...

but, really, i feel a little in over my head. i don't really feel like i can do this, by which i mean i still don't think i'm trying hard enough at university. i feel behind everyone else, despite the fact that since i've transferred to a different university having done 2 years before, i still have this and another year before i graduate. even though most of the people in my year will be 2 years younger than me i feel like i am behind them (did i mention that i did badly on my exams last year?)

especially before university i was never a particularly good student, honestly (i was like. a C average, though in my 3rd and 4th years of high school i started to try a little harder) and i think i spend a lot of time now fruitlessly wishing that i had tried harder and taken more of an interest in things. i still wish i tried harder. i still wish that passion was enough to fuel me to actually focus on filling out my historical reading. i wish i just didn't feel so stupid sometimes, honestly. sometimes i'll open a book that's a bit dense or technical and it just makes me feel like the biggest idiot in the world. i wish i was better at articulating my thoughts. i also wish i understood literary analysis or criticism. in a lot of ways now i feel dumber than i was a few years ago, and i don't know why.

#on a lighter note at least i can post about cato on here.even though i may be stupid i think i can be a little funny about history sometimes #tbh. books that made me feel stupid this year: thomas yingling's hart crane and the homosexual text. i tried to read this and it was #utterly incomprehensible to me. which was so sad because i absolutely adore hart crane he's my favorite poet. and also weird cause crane's #poems are also very obscure and hard to understand but one of the few things that makes me Not feel stupid is that i enjoy them and at leas #sort-of understand them to the degree one can (even people who study him admit that he is very difficult) #and books that made me kind of feel stupid but also feel like reading them was making me smarter: girard's violence and the sacred. i am #only like. 2 chapters into it and it takes me days to read one because it's so dense however it's one of those books that like. i can feel #it reordering the way i think about things. it's sooo fascinating and good and i started it cause i heard ppl talking about it on here #honestly i think a lot of my problems around the kind of thing in the post with school though is that i was always this person where everyo #would constantly tell me how well i could do if i would only try harder. but the problem is i just Couldnt try harder. i dont know why and #still dont know why i cant do it. it was constantly told to me that i had Potential. but i can never.actually access this supposed Potentia

[essektheylyss]

I'm not gonna lie, the Trigun-Time War developments are so funny to me because I'm just like, "what do you mean everyone and their mom who existed on the internet in 2020 (aka the entire world) hasn't read This Is How You Lose The Time War."

#yeah yeah my experiences are not universal and i understand that but like. god that book was EVERYWHERE for a few months during quarantine #it was one of the first book purchases i made during quarantine. like i bought that and crush by richard siken. #that's how ubiquitous time war was for a minute. that i fully had it on the same level in my mind as richard siken poetry #and obvs richard siken is not as ubiquitous as tumblr would imagine (even on Tumblr) but in terms of fandom and being chronically online #but yeah to be clear I'm not actually judging hence why this is not rebloggablr but it is just very funny to me #like even people who havent read in my experience know what it is #but i do tend to hang with people who are like. aware of things generally lol

[astrxealis]

really want to read more and more literature (esp classics!) aghhhh yesterday iirc i was on a walk with my mom and twin and an old guy (not a weirdo dw) who was jogging or walking too actually asked what book i was carrying and it's a little funny bcs uhm he just went "oh a classic!" you see. i was carrying dante's inferno. which i still haven't properly started to read but anyways he might... if my mom is right... be the local parish guy so oopsies !! LMAO anyways yeah really interested in lovecraft for a while now! horror scares me and gives me paranoia but i also enjoy the writing of it? and i remember once that something/someone said my writing is kinda similar to his. hm.

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #i never talk about literature here but hi i grew up reading books and i really love literature. both fiction and non-fiction! admittedly i #less prefer modern books because i prefer classics and all that? and i kinda fucking hate people who only like boring and/or famous #literature lmfao fuck you but anyways putting my bitterness aside! arthur conan doyle with 'sherlock' of course & 'a dream within a dream' #dazai with 'no longer human' is something i think i'll really enjoy reading one day as well and hmm #i never properly read 'lord of the rings' despite my relative having the books and i borrowed it once? but didn't make the time to actually #read it unfortunately :(( 'the great gatsby' is something i also have yet to read and then jane austen's works! #and then. louisa may alcott ... i asked my mom right now about her books that we have/had and i did not fucking know we had #'little women' all this time holy shit. i remember reading 'a modern cinderella' but also i am unsure now... but yeah. that/those too! #shakespeare's works are of course a must-read hehe we do have 'the tempest' and i've read a couple of his works but only a little bit #either based off the knowledge i just. know. or for school back then! but yeah. you probably know his works already lmao <3 #and then uhmm 'phantom of the opera' we have now as well! bought it alongside yk. 'the tempest' 'inferno' 'paradise lost & regained' #a few months ago but tbh i haven't made it very far in reading any of them yet but i really want to sometime! and learn more guitar! #and get back to playing piano and also finish and play more games but anyways. yes. #george orwell's books! we have a few if i'm not mistaken (love my family fr) i really want to read them. my dad keeps recommending #his works for us to read. especially 'animal farm' but i've heard '1984' is really good. i also really want to read more of narnia! #only ever read the first book and wow it meant a lot to me tbh? with. growing up and all. and then i read a bit of another book hmm. #'to kill a mockingbird' was something i have wanted to read since i read 'the hunger games' as a kid because i for some reason connected #the two in a way because of the word mockingbird. and then uh other books that i don't think are as... classics. idk what are classics tbh. #BUT okay yeah i still haven't read 'a monster calls' but i know it made my twin and mom cry! and then 'the fault in our stars' we have but #i also haven't read it... haven't read the witcher books either and then george r. r. martin's stuff. tbf i'm not an adult yet so lmfao. #'the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy' i know my dad really wants to read and i know my tita has it but i'm not completely sure if we have #it ourselves too now? but yeah. really interested in that book as well. and then i have yet to read 'frankenstein' and then i'd love to #reread books from my childhood from authors like roald dahl !! and then man i should read more from #neil gaiman ... i've read his short stories? and a book. or few. i can't really remember. #anyways. okay. running out of tags but i really love literature ..... <3 #also want to read more of modern literature tbh! the ones that are actually good tho <33