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probablyhuntersmom · 1 year

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Hunter's Experiences After Belos's Death

Oops, this got long. Aw well, it was really fun to write.

Special thanks to @ashanimus!

This is speculative at the end of the day, but since:

1. This is my fave animated show of all time

2. I grew up with Complex PTSD (CPTSD) like Hunter

3. I work as a therapist,

I thought to list down some things I can visualize happening in the duration of the finale's timeskip, before that beautiful epilogue we saw. And I want to dive in using whatever clues, leads and parallels I can find in canon: to analyze and see how he went from the Bad But Sad Boy to that peaceful-looking palisman carver in the epilogue.

A small reference I had for this meta is Cinema Therapy's episode on the Hunger Games movies (link), since the protagonist, Katniss Everdeen, from the book and also movie trilogy would have the same diagnosis as Hunter. Those books and movies explored how Katniss coped with the frightening and dramatically different landscape that was the calmness of her world post-victory.

Part 1: His Possible Experiences Leading Up to Seeking a Therapist

His disposition could possibly become like Luz's from early Season 3: a state of emotionally shutting down and numbing out. He appeared to nearly head in this direction right after he was revived by Flapjack, as he began to cry. There was that small window where he could have expressed more tears than he did, and have his body shut down under the weight of bereavement.

But the immediate physical threat, Belos, was still on the run. He got up, sprang into action and didn't catch a break from the time he followed Belos through the portal until he stood in The Collector's palace after Belos died (had he even received the news of his 'Uncle' dying yet??!).

Now that Belos isn't around anymore, the Isles will have a completely different feel and rebuilding the land would've taken grueling work after the dismantling of a damaging Coven System.

I was looking at Luz's behavior and gestures in Thanks to Them, which were indicative of her sinking into depression after 1. the horrible revelation in Hollow Mind that she unintentionally helped Philip. 2. witnessing Flapjack's death. I'm putting screenshots of her below in parallel with Hunter's own emotions in For the Future:

They have different mental health conditions if you talk symptoms, e.g. Luz doesn't show signs of CPTSD hypervigilance, while Hunter doesn't have that slowing down in his physical and mental activity which points to depression. But both have suffered from moral injury thanks to Belos's violence and manipulation.

However, a major comparison is that Hunter has had much more repressed emotion over a long period compared to Luz. The column with Hunter screencaps above, is what he may feel with a much higher intensity in the weeks and months after he first hears that his abuser has passed on.

Shown below, the few seconds of Hunter's big smile drooping when it was all over, was a big hint for me:

A hint that there is a deep undercurrent of emotions he'd much rather not feel, that he'd probably rather hide from himself. Even while smiling, we know how his heart-wrenching story has played out and the light in his eyes here doesn't match the brightness we see in his expressions in the epilogue, post-timeskip.

That is the face of a kid who has not cried out massive amounts of tears yet. He doesn't look like he's carrying a light load yet, compared to what we see in his future self. And it's certainly a heavier smile than the jollier one he makes here right after King's Tide when Flapjack was still around:

I can't imagine the amount of grief that his body has yet to dredge up and release, once he finally doesn't have to worry about his 'uncle' threatening his life anymore. Too many times to count, I've been in the situation where I cry intensely after being retraumatized and think "Huh? More tears? Where did it come from?? I thought I had cried it all out from my whole being the last time!". It kind of convinced me that anyone with CPTSD has so much grief stored up in their body that the number of times needed to have a good cry feels like a really endless expanse.

However: because I had 7 years of being in and out of therapy, what matters is that the durations between these episodes of mine, the durations of the episodes themselves, plus their intensity have reduced a lot. It was around a 4-year timeskip in the finale, so for Hunter to get as far as he did to heal, his own therapy sessions would've probably been rigorous and very consistent.

Anyway, he might now cycle through his own version of what Luz cycled through when she gradually shuts down from failing to build a new portal door in Thanks to Them, continually believes she's as bad as Belos, and when she alludes to her suicidal ideation in the classroom:

whereby there is a likely parallel between Luz wrestling with guilt from her own moral injury, and Hunter's own guilt from what he wished he could've done to prevent being possessed, to prevent Flapjack from dying. Both their situations are that of moral injuries.

The adrenaline rush would be over for everyone on the Isles.

I'm quite sure the therapists on the Isles will operate pretty soon after the news about Belos's death was out. They would conduct whatever version of mental health triage they have, that involves risk assessments and crisis counselling. Both of these based on what I've learnt are shorter in duration (30 minutes) and are one-off sessions, compared to regular talk therapy which is an hour minimum.

The therapists would be redirecting people to necessary resources e.g. where to find food or loved ones, and managing distress only related to people's immediate needs instead of forming a longer term plan for several weekly sessions.

I believe things are simpler when you are running away from an external threat, like the two Hunter scenarios below. In Hollow Mind there is no emotion on his face because in peak C-PTSD mode he has shut down his emotions to pour that energy into escaping Belos. In Thanks to Them, he appears quite obviously scared with widened eyes because he got comfortable with safety for months and Belos's return was a surprise attack (thanks ashanimus for pointing out to me how his expressions are animated!):

But what is there to run from now? Not an external threat for sure. The war zone is now the one in his mind, heart and soul and it would become front and center. I believe both these screenshots are two notches on a dial, and the missing third image - which would show him finding it difficult to stuff down the grief any longer, might look like a more exasperated version of when he told Willow "Please don't call yourself [a Half-a-Witch] ever again" in For the Future, and eventually a more depressed version of his vanishing smile in The Collector's Palace.

When can he really run from himself? Only while asleep, if he's spared nightmares on any given night, or while distracting himself with the main mission of rebuilding the Isles or continuing to bond with his friends and other people.

His anger in For the Future was a telling sign for me that he made sure his focus was still on an external threat: he still had the opportunity to do so back then, because Belos was still alive. But when we see him in The Collector's palace sending Willow off to her dads, there has realistically been a shift in what will threaten the more fragile shreds of inner peace he's still clinging on to. There are those scary trauma-related emotions to worry about, which wouldn't have just evaporated into thin air. They would be looking for a new outlet, and they'll find their way into flashbacks, nightmares, tension still stored in the body, an exaggerated startle response, etc.

We have seen a range of reactions he has to danger, triggers and emotional pain: some involve moving his body more, and fewer involve a short of shutting down:

Flinching during Belos's tantrums, being able to fight Kikimora calmly, freezing up in the throne room (Hunting Palismen)

Suicidal ideation and even a sort of suicide plan (Eclipse Lake)

Freezing up and expecting punishment from Darius (Any Sport in a Storm)

Being able to stay almost entirely calm as he learnt more and more of the truth about Belos, though his hand was shaking briefly, then a panic attack later on (Hollow Mind)

Lots of avoidance symptoms like numbing, combined with hypervigilance e.g. shivering and another panic attack (Labyrinth Runners)

Feeling fear with underlying shame and subconsciously expecting punishment, when he failed to save Luz (Clouds on the Horizon)

Freezing and recoiling, though he fought against this by asserting a boundary with Belos (King's Tide)

Panic attack when looking into the mirror and having an emotional flashback, hypervigilance e.g. stamping his foot and shivering (Thanks to Them)

Anger and rage to cope with bereavement, later being tearful (For the Future)

Most likely a sense of bereavement, deep exhaustion and possibly loneliness, during that briefly shown moment in The Collector's Palace (Watching and Dreaming)

The serious work he has to put in to heal from his trauma would begin once his whole body gives in to the exhaustion, catching up with the bereavement-related emotions that have also begun to settle in. It could be a massive emotional and physical collapse that he can't fight off, where his physical energy levels become tanked seemingly out of nowhere. And I think it would look like a worse version of him lying in his makeshift grave, where he is barely able to move around the house or anywhere for some time.

This happened to Katniss in the Hunger Games trilogy, and while the portrayal was done differently in the books and movies, both were good explorations of what it's like to shift from the default high alert (and long-term) mode of CPTSD to coping with the scary unknown world of newfound safety. Katniss spent her childhood in poverty and being constantly on edge that she might be chosen for the Hunger Games, being parentified, to provide for her family.

While participating in the games, she had to utilize battle skills and kill others to survive and sustained many injuries, still constantly on high alert whereby any respite would last for incredibly short durations. Towards the end of the story, after she loses the one she loved most (her sister Prim, who I think can be a parallel of Flapjack in this meta), Katniss shifts from peak physical activity into mostly sleeping and being actively suicidal for months, hardly moving and not leaving the house, until the shock of traumatic grief began to wear off. She absolutely crashed and went from one extreme to the other. In the movie Mockingjay Part 2, they added a non-book scene where her grief comes out in an outburst when she sees their pet cat hanging around on the kitchen counter. She flings an object in the cat's direction, then screams "[Prim] is gone!!" repeatedly before collapsing into heavy sobs, picking up the cat and holding it to her chest to soothe herself.

This kind of major collapse might happen very soon to Hunter after he leaves The Collector's Palace or only after some weeks. The timing of this, I can't predict. The reason why he didn't appear to have this issue in the early months being in the human realm is because there was still something external to concentrate on: help his friends get back to the Human Realm, help Luz reunite with Eda and King, while him and Flapjack hoped to go home too.

You could argue that even now, he still has something external to focus on i.e. helping the others rebuild the Isles. However I keep imagining that the people who love him are going to be quite adamant in getting him, Luz and the other kids to please rest. Since we saw Steve recommend his therapist to Lilith in O Titan Where Art Thou, I can picture the adults in particular monitoring how Hunter is doing without Flapjack.

But if this collapse I'm speculating about doesn't happen so soon, he would be pouring himself into helping others, referencing his character-centric line all the way back in Hunting Palismen about wanting to offer help, which he utters twice in that episode. There is an overlap between this expectation he has of himself and the old habit he's at risk of falling back into periodically: overworking.

Once his desire to help others is clearly comes across as an avoidance tactic on the outside - a maladaptive coping mechanism to run from the very difficult emotions that he should be processing - people around him are definitely going to set boundaries and say "No" to any attempts he makes to assist them. Someone is probably going to tell him that whatever desperation he is showing in wanting to help other people, needs to be redirected at himself. Making time and space for himself, taking time off to rest.

Him suffering from a major emotional and physical collapse is pretty likely because things are more complicated (though, physically much much safer) for him now than at the beginning of Thanks to Them when he had just fled from Belos to the human realm, and had Flapjack as his closest company. Fast forward to the victory won in Watching and Dreaming: both Flapjack and Belos are gone now.

It's telling that different thoughts are occupying Hunter's mind now, from how his expressions are drawn during his first days in the human realm vs. when peace is restored in the Isles.

1. See the sense of calmer urgency in his expression, putting the mission of building the portal door first, while experiencing a strong sense of togetherness with his friends, and learning to trust Camila who is treating him well:

compared to

2. the sheer exhaustion and feeling of "What now...?" (see his upper eyelids below?) that set in, once he helped Willow find her parents and there was no more task at hand that didn't involve himself. His bright smile from a split-second ago has drooped and disappeared:

I know that right after the above frame, Darius and Eberwolf reunited with him, but his emotions are going to cycle up and down in the hours, weeks and months ahead. The elation from seeing Darius and Eber - people who were there to greet him when he expected nobody to turn up - is not going to last, though it will certainly come and go, because high-running positive emotions like that don't last as long, especially in the context of the life he's had as a child soldier. It's totally possible that on the same night, hours after this reunion with their loved ones, their emotions will shift drastically.

The tired look in his eyes above and the sad face he then makes, is in between two moments of him having something external to focus on (Willow and then Darius). I'm inclined to think that the above depressed look reflects a lot of the complexity that is going on underneath the surface. What is his state of mind when alone with his thoughts, when he has zero tasks to perform? How is he handling those thoughts?

There will be a deep, sometimes mind-numbing sense of bereavement over two significant figures in his life. First Flapjack, now this:

He used to love Belos. But I'm really not sure he can just uproot that love from deep within and discard it. Hunter carries memories like the following ones around which will be confusing to navigate on tougher days, despite being able to tell Luz "That's what Belos does, he tricks people". Because these were his formative years:

and something tells me that Philip was cunning enough to strike a delicate balance between being 'nice' to Hunter like above, versus unleashing his violent temper to terrify and harm him. Making sure that balance was so close to 50/50 that it would leave a child very confused. So confused he would rather believe he's never good enough rather than the more frightening prospect that his so-called family does not actually love him at all.

Hunter will have a moment now and then of still missing the 'niceness' that his 'uncle' showed towards him (felt in his heart and subconscious), while still knowing (in his head, rationally) that Philip was not genuine when treating him that way.

To note though, he did not witness Belos's death which reduces the severity of intrusive images that the poor kid would see in his mind.

What I'm worried about is how he'll handle the news about the grimwalker graveyard, since I'm sure that location is going to be scoured and Darius would want to give his mentor a proper sending off. They'd want to give all the Golden Guards and Caleb a sending off and pay their respects. This might add to what I suspect will be the messed up depression he'll fall into.

It will be very confusing and emotionally disorienting, literally not needing to worry about anyone killing him anymore. He has had no point of reference for this in his life at all. It might possibly the furthest he ever goes from that primal survival instinct he had while living in the Castle for so long, which took up the majority of his life so far:

There will also be the added layer of how he feels about those first emotions. This is literally a concept called Feelings About Feelings and it's a key part of my work since I use the Satir Model in my style of counselling. We don't just feel emotions, we also tack on our own judgments and evaluations about them. E.g. shame about feeling anger, guilt about feeling sad because of burdening others, or even a combination like fear about feeling joy which can show up in healing from bereavement.

Depending on how we feel about whichever emotions got there first, it makes a difference because we could be adding or subtracting unnecessary suffering from the first emotion, especially if the first emotion is an already unpleasant one.

I have a feeling that we'd see Hunter look very very tired, till he makes breakthroughs in therapy. A tiredness that sleep, a healthy diet and exercise alone simply cannot fix. Because there's an entire upbringing in the Emperor's Coven to sort through in his head, this time not combined with the avoidance of having fled to the human realm and living under one roof with his friends.

The Hexsquad are not living under the same roof anymore, they are reunited with their own families with much to emotionally talk out, and the group no longer has a very urgent single collective mission. Sure, Hunter has an active role to play in rebuilding the Isles, but what about rebuilding his very self? He has the steepest climb, because we have seen the symptoms he exhibits.

Most of all, referencing a section of my Retraumatization and Self-Soothing (Part 1) meta (link), a memory as horrible as this:

will likely be the most intrusive image is going to be replaying again and again over the months to come, and it may flood his thoughts during moments of being triggered or even out of nowhere during quiet moments for no apparent reason. It will be just like a broken record, where the same small excerpt of a song loops endlessly until the needle of the gramophone is repositioned.

It was remarkably poignant that his final words to Belos were "And most of all, I'm going to make sure you never hurt anyone again", and I'm happy with the story keeping it this way and understand why the writers likely made this decision - not just because the season was shortened. Hunter did not need to directly see or hear more from Belos in close quarters, not after his abuser minimized his needs for years, gaslit him, possessed him and got him to murder his best friend with his own hands.

It's more straightforward to make sure someone else isn't hurting anyone. It's easier to think of what plans to implement, when it comes to him protecting others: which he has had plenty of practice with. Because those are practical methods that we can see in action on the outside.

But here's the kicker: what about applying that last grand statement from his TTT speech to himself, emotionally: making sure he isn't psychologically hurting himself with harmful unhelpful thoughts and beliefs, after Belos's death? "I'll make sure I don't hurt myself (and by extension, my loved ones) again".

This will be very new to him, and it is a theme that I handle in pretty much every client case in my therapy work. The client's self-dialogue, the self-compassion or lack thereof. Which, in real life, is often not a concept that our own families and schools introduce to us to be familiar with.

For Hunter, this may translate into him making the decision to get help and truly accepting the gift of life that Flapjack gave him.

Basically this on a much bigger scale:

whereby in Flapjack's absence, he can truly believe in this new and positive fundamental belief about himself. The evidence that he managed to make it to that heartbreaking but incredibly beautiful place is pretty strong:

But before his happy ending, the pressure on himself to be useful to others via helping and working is likely going to come back and be used as his way of coping, and there's a chance it will cross the line into becoming a form of self-harm that he's relying on to avoid the frightening, deeper emotional pain. People around him know him well enough that they'll be able to spot his behavioral changes and then sense he is not going in a helpful direction. They'll see that it's hurting him even though it's the most familiar territory for his mind to be in, and someone is going to tell him to change that.

He's going to be seeing his friends with their palismen. How will it be like being among them, even if they are pretty good at supporting him? How would he attempt to make sense of the void that is the absence of the incredible love he experienced from that first friend, the absence of that mental link between witch and palisman?

What emotions could be lurking beneath the surface? Believe it or not, there are some signs from Luz's nightmare even though yes, Hunter was being controlled by The Collector. I wouldn't quickly dismiss this dark Flapjack-related scene as 100% being about The Collector's goal to scare Luz in the nightmare.

I think there was a smaller subplot going on as well.

The Collector needed material to work with in the first place, to perform the puppet acts: the material was whatever fears and whatever pain was already there in their targets.

The Collector didn't create Hunter's emotions from scratch for the puppet act; instead he manipulated and redirected what existed at the base level. All this wouldn't work as analogies of mental illness vs. mental health if The Collector could just engineer emotions on their own and simply replace whatever his puppet targets were already feeling. Emotions never vanish and always take up space somewhere, they are redirected, transformed or channeled into outlets even if it means they become repressed or locked away. But they never stop existing.

I have a feeling that despite the nightmare being Luz's, despite Hunter being used as an instrument for The Collector to achieve their goals...the pre-existing emotions that Hunter himself felt in his body, not puppet!Hunter's verbal responses towards Luz, were true. He is a haunted boi.

This face he makes above might be a hint at the worst of his pain. It might be the furthest he has felt from when he said "I like who I am right now" to Flapjack. In the place of that confidence from before, there might now be his own version of Luz's "I'm as bad as Belos". I cannot be entirely certain, but the negative belief that may have taken root in him could be "I am not deserving of the life Flapjack gave me".

Interestingly, if this is the case, it could easily parallel his line from all the way back in Any Sport in A Storm: "I'm unfit to wear the sigil of the Golden Guard." It's definitely a possibility, since Hunter is now faced with having a lot of time and space now, and less urgency than he's ever had in his life, to think back on all those times he helped to further Belos's cause. Especially when it came to sending many palismen to their deaths.

With his own palisman now dead, the engraving we would eventually see on Flapjack's grave: "Thank you for finding me", would be the destination. But the journey needed to reach that destination of amazing gratitude in the first place...must have been a harrowing one. In the early months of the acute grief, it would've been more like "Why did you have to find me?! You shouldn't have. Then none of this would've happened". Not forgetting the number of times Hunter has replayed in his head what he could've done differently, trying so desperately to rewind the clock and make that better alternate timeline a reality.

If you remove The Collector and even Luz from the equation in the Luz nightmare scene, Hunter may well be having such responses - the ones that puppet!Hunter directed at Luz to blame Luz - as a dialogue with himself. He might direct those negative emotions towards himself since he's so careful about hurting others and has taken on unfair punishment for so much of his life.

Even when he was temporarily himself, smiling, expressing a positive emotion to encourage Luz with "What's the first thing you do when you wake up from a bad dream?", that was him conversing with another person, someone external. Not his own self. I am willing to bet he wasn't at a point in his arc where he would smile at himself like that and easily encourage himself in the same way.

While we can be certain he had already reached his breakthroughs by the time we saw him post-timeskip, he has not experienced them yet in the frame above. He has not felt (yet) what Luz felt onscreen when she had breakthroughs in relation to her moral injury:

Taking a leap of faith to accept the Titan's gift, to trust that he chose her because she has a good heart and will never be Belos.

Then later, being able to stand firm, believing she truly is good ("I am the Good Witch Luz!"), and not uttering a word to Belos as he died - which was post-traumatic growth beyond how she broke down under his threats and manipulation towards the end of Hollow Mind and later in King's Tide.

Recap time. In the (quite likely) long period that passes by before we meet his new palismen, he's likely going to want to jump into action and attend meetings with Darius, Eberwolf and co, help to physically rebuild things and organize people with his own Coven Head experience. Leaning back on the ingrained and familiar lifestyle of pouring himself into work and gearing towards burnout is certainly a risk to watch out for.

The Hexsquad, CATTs and the Clawthorne sisters are going to notice his behavior and likely urge him to get appropriate rest and seek help.

However, there is the other extreme: Belos isn't around anymore to torment him, and Hunter would know this in the rational sense (head knowledge). Which leads to the possibility that he may swing towards shutting down as opposed to overworking tendencies. He would feel allowed to do whatever he wants, in this new Boiling Isles, and he had months of opportunities to do that in the early part of Thanks to Them before Belos's return.

What I'm getting at is, if he didn't sleep enough before, he might swing towards sleeping too much after finally collapsing from the familiarity of survival mode into unknown but genuinely safe territory. If he cared too much about helping others before, he might swing towards a depressive state of apathy (the closest canon reference point would be him digging his grave: he was very disarmed in that scene to even think much about helping anyone including Belos). This is why the screenshot I used of his smile drooping in The Collector's Palace, feels like a big clue to me. This would be where Darius, Camila and other adults have to seriously keep watch over him.

In the Cinema Therapy episode I had as a small reference for this post, the licensed therapist who hosts the series mentions that "It takes a lot longer to put oneself back together than it took to fall apart." In Hunter's case, the "falling apart" period here refers to that collapsing I mentioned. It would be the time between:

1. the grief hitting him in full force: when he subconsciously understands and acknowledges that Flapjack isn't coming back (which...will involve hell of a lot of wailing and sobbing. Him having a full version cry of those first few tears he shed at the end of TTT),

and

2. the time when the painful shock from feeling the full force of the grief has decreased enough that it plateaus.

This falling apart stage may need to pass before he seeks therapy. If he tries going for sessions while still going through that shock and pain, it might be too much for him.

As terrible and sad as it sounds, a deep dark spiral like this might be necessary. It would be his body and mind wanting to compensate for several years' worth of unnatural hypervigilance which wasn't serving him in a advantageous way (i.e. surviving) any longer. His body and mind begging for rest at last, to try and make sense of everything that happened. This big collapse into depression would empty out the old and free up much room in him for new stories, beliefs and perspectives to take root. Depression is, after all, the body's attempt to (maladaptively) try and protect us by numbing us, or else we would be overwhelmed.

As someone whom we know keeps himself very busy, this could be the period where he is the furthest he has ever been from that old simpler life. Because his CPTSD-ridden body would be demanding more than ever that he compensates for a childhood and teen years' lack of general rest, he may not even have the strength to cope the way he did before. The only way he might possibly cope in this period is to go with the flow of that raging current and do exactly what his body is asking of him: getting real rest.

Like what happened with Katniss in the Hunger Games trilogy, this early grieving stage would emotionally be difficult and terrifying, like walking along a tightrope, finding balance between left and right to angle yourself as straightly as possible and walk forward. (the tightrope metaphor is what I use with some of my clients to explain swinging between extremes of coping mechanisms).

The missing pieces of the puzzle in his arc, in the 4-year duration before the timeskip, might be his own version of these points in Luz's arc:

where she sank lower before she realized her deepest wish and emotionally experienced her worst fear in her Watching and Dreaming nightmare.

For Hunter, these could look like the following:

Like Luz saying it'd be better for everyone that she permanently stays in the human realm, Hunter might say he wants to remove himself from his loved ones in some way, for good. Whether a literal suicide attempt (like Katniss from The Hunger Games) or not, I can't say for sure.

A parental figure trying to reach out to him, saying he is deserving of Flapjack's gift. But he still struggles to believe that. What matters though is this parental figure is present and he's not pushing them away.

Him hearing some confirmation of his deepest negative belief about himself, in his own nightmares. Like Luz hearing the most terrifying things she could ever hear - Amity's "You've been the real villain this whole time" and "But for the sake of everyone you hurt, I challenge you to a witch's [duel]".

Him being able to reach an emotional space where he can begin to question that unhelpful belief: "Am I really deserving of Flapjack's gift?", or something similar.

The big moment when he finally tells someone how he really feels about the possession, Belos's death, Flapjack's absence in this new supposed peace and quiet....this would be the important invitation for the other person to connect and meet his emotional needs, and is a lot like how support groups for addiction work: a client needs to acknowledge that they are struggling with a problem, not avoiding it with distractions any longer, and then seek help and express their need for said help.

I suppose the question is how soon Hunter might decide to accept professional help and give it a go: or whether he'd have the genuine need for space first and say "I need some time". Because one's rational mind can be ready to go for therapy, but their subconscious and body would find it too unpleasant if it's too soon. Every part of him would have to be ready to begin putting himself back together after the falling apart stage occurs.

The messed up experience of CPTSD is that you stay shockingly calm during real danger, but on the flip side have big, disproportionate freakouts during actually safe times. Compare how calm Hunter was when he smiled at Luz in her nightmare while he was tied up with puppet strings vs. his fear and shame when he couldn't save Luz in Clouds on the Horizon.

In a CPTSD memoir I read, the author describes that it was horribly frightening to hear her partner be in a bad mood and wash the dishes more loudly than usual, while during the pandemic, she felt completely calm seeing empty shelves in a supermarket when she struggled to get supplies.

From my own experience, I have experienced being pretty damn calm when bleeding out and needing hospitalization. But in a different year before that, I recall one afternoon alone in my house right before a vacation where a strong gust of wind very loudly slammed an open door shut next to where I happened to be standing, and I broke down sobbing from a retraumatization via an emotional flashback. Because it felt extremely real as if my abusive parent was lashing out to physically hurt me.

After a 5-year period of mostly being in talk therapy, and then a 2-year period of regularly scheduled EMDR therapy, my response if I have a door loudly slam shut near me now would maybe be a smaller-scale flinch and a flash of anger that would last about maybe a minute. Which is miles better than sobbing for half an hour and being dissociated and frozen in a memory for hours before I thaw out of that flashback.

Since the show's writing is just that good, I could look at Luz's depressive symptoms manifesting in Thanks to Them and see a likely parallel in Hunter's story moving forward, since we know how much this show also digs neat and tidy parallels. These are characters written for TV after all, so they'd have to fit a formula to an extent, to have compelling arcs and reach high and low points along said arcs.

Part 2: Therapy Itself

Part 1 was the setup to give a good amount of context: now for the technicalities of the therapy sessions themselves:

Like Adrian Graye said in Labyrinth Runners, Illusion Magic can sort through memories. We have seen from Gus's own powerful Illusion abilities that he could do so with Belos. It makes sense that a therapist does this in sessions to have a magnified version of how in our world, therapists exercise empathy by imagining what it is like to be their clients:

I would monitor whether his mood (what he is feeling within) and affect (how the emotions appear on the outside e.g. tone of voice, face expressions) are congruent. Congruence usually means a client is in less distress. Incongruence might mean they are in so much pain that they can't connect directly with the main emotion: the perfect example of this being Hunter laughing when digging his grave.

We therapists take note of aspects such as affect, mood, the client's motor activity, any indicators of psychosis, even down to things like how untidy their hair looks in case we get clues about the severity of their issues (this is called a Mental Status Exam, and we write what we see in our case notes per session).

Because CPTSD is so relationship-centric, I'd discuss how he's getting along with new parental figures (the Belos replacements who will heal him so much and change his life forever!) and friends.

If the Boiling Isles therapists use their own equivalent of EMDR therapy, which is theorized to be like a waking version of how REM sleep and REM-related dreams help our brains to sort through memories, it sounds like a great fit for his case. This intervention involves subconscious work and could help him reshape how he experiences memories of Flapjack and Belos. EMDR clients are expected to see vivid images popping up without control in their mind during the sessions, and they are quite symbolic e.g. seeing a grey sky often indicates grief, seeing lighter colors indicates more calm. This technique helps a client's subconscious rewrite their story the way they'd like it to be, and install new positive beliefs and emotions over time.

My own example of EMDR experiences from the second half of 2019 as a client, is it majorly changed how I related to my own abuser, got me to finally feel allowed to emotionally break away from her, even though she is still alive and even lives in the same building.

In the early sessions, I saw an image of my 5-year-old self being forced to wear an ugly grey apron that my abuser used for baking. The apron is a real object, not fictional, and the emotions I felt showing up were matching with the image: feeling very uncomfortable seeing a visual representation of my abuser's hold over me.

But in a later session after a few months, guided by my therapist, I saw a vivid image of my abuser receiving a sea burial. She was lying peacefully on the water surface and sank down until she was gone. That was me subconsciously burying any expectation that she could ever provide what I needed. This was so powerful that I could go home after that session and permanently (so far) be significantly calmer around my abuser.

Therefore if Hunter goes through something like this, he'd potentially be able to put Belos to rest and have it feel very real and true: and have significantly reduced distress about Belos-related memories. There is the potential for powerful breakthroughs for him here, especially also related to Flapjack's death and how challenging it might be to carve palismen in the beginning. Especially since in the worst case scenario, even touching palistrom wood might be enough to badly trigger him. I cover this particular point a bit more in my other meta, Retraumatization and Self-Soothing (Part 1).

We would also be discussing what he's implementing into his routine and what may benefit him. I would be seeing if he is able to laugh about things, be motivated enough to be outdoors and among people, experience pleasure when creating new things, and form closer bonds with parental figures (what I just listed is to do with neurotransmitters in the brain that increase mental health: serotonin, endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin).

If I were his therapist I might suggest that whatever volunteering tasks he does, he carries those out with his friends, and time should be allocated to managing and taking care of a specific demographic: children. Because I think it'd be a safe, low stakes form of unfamiliarity for him to have enough emotional distance from his traumatic memories. Early months of acute grief usually require such emotional distance.

Having a good dose of an environment like that alongside the other tasks where he's working alongside Darius etc, could help him because kids' emotions are less complex, and their infectious laughter and fun-loving nature may play a role in helping him be more open with his own inner child. His therapist would be seeking to draw out that inner child in their sessions, and that little child would need to feel safe enough to emerge.

Importantly, his future palisman: it would've been interesting if he did what Luz did with Stringbean and allowed the palisman to be whoever they wanted to be...that would've been a nicely organic process. But even if he had a good idea to incorporate a Flapjack-like design but change details like the color, I'm sure he thought it through very well. I'm certain that this was a major topic of discussion at some stage of his therapy. Discussing the guilt he'd feel about replacing Flapjack vs. still taking Flapjack with him in a new way.

Coming from a strengths-based angle: paying attention to which of his individual strengths he is shows and recounts in the session. If he needs reminding, I could give him a simple worksheet listing various positive qualities and ask him to circle/colour in which ones he feels he has, which then prompts further discussion and questions. Lastly, a powerful tool called reframing e.g. if he says he's worried about being a nuisance to his friends, I'll point out how much he cares about their comfort and affirm that place of kindness.

Work on inviting self-compassion into how he sees himself. Is he able to view himself the way he views his friends? If he remembers the encouragement he gave to Luz about "turning on the light", I would ask him what that would look like in his own life, symbolically.

Hunter's own life has been a really really bad dream for a very long time. He himself has to reach for that light switch and choose to heal by embracing Flapjack's ultimate gift to him.

And we can rest assured that Hunter did that.

Because this post-traumatic growth right here?

This looks like multiple breakthroughs have taken place while he's been receiving consistent care from an excellent community. And there's no way it was an easily won victory. It has been very much hard-won, after how dark the story became in Hollow Mind and Thanks to Them, and it looks like whatever breakthroughs he had left him pleasantly surprised.

It doesn't seem like his heart and soul can contain this much joy and hope, without a very painful dismantling to have taken place first, to make room for the most unexpected treasures to fill his life back up.

The joy becomes even greater if you never would've expected it in your wildest dreams.

#toh hunter #toh analysis #toh spoilers #the owl house #loz writes a meta

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kingofbodyrolls · 18 days

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My Heart's Home (m) | pjm | nine

🐴Chapter summary: You haven’t talked to Jimin in months— he has been successful in avoiding you since he saw Yoongi kiss you. But when a charity gala forces you together, will you erupt like an active volcano? 🐴Chapter title: Take the Rain Away 🐴Pairings: jimin x reader (main), jungkook x reader (only happens once in the first chapter), jungkook x OC (jessi), namjoon x OC (jessi), yoongi x hoseok, namjoon x oc, seokjin x oc, taehyung x oc 🐴Characters: female reader (isn’t mentioned by name and no “y/n”), Jimin, Jungkook, Namjoon, Yoongi, Hoseok, Seokjin, Taehyung and four female original characters. 🐴Genre/AU: ranch!au, slice of life!au + smut, humor, fluff, slow burn and angst 🐴Rating: mature/explicit/R18 – this is mature/explicit content, so minors, please do not interact!

🐴Disclaimer: I do not own BTS or know them personally and this work of fiction is purely fictional and for entertainment purposes only. The actions and personalities described in the story do not reflect those of BTS— it’s just fiction. Also, if you would kindly read the tags/warnings before reading, that would be lovely: and if you don’t like whatever is described in the tags, just hit return and find something else to read. Thank you 🌸 🐴Chapter warnings: yelling and curse words 🤭 Jin’s pink slipper is finally here (though it’s not him wielding it lol) 🩴 🐴Status: ongoing (to be completed on 2nd May 2024) 🐴Word count: 8.2k

🐴Taglist: @kookswifesblog, @kiki-zb, @babejinnie, @ownthesunshine, @allie-is-a-panda, @glllhjh, @bergandysam, @13-manggaetteok, @jeonsbabygirlsworld, @antisocial-mochi267,

🛑 psa to all you lovely people on the taglist, I’ve seen that some of you aren’t interacting… I’m wondering if you’re still reading or not— do you wish to be removed from the taglist? It’s okay if you don’t like it anymore, I can remove you if you want to 🛑

🐴Now playing 💿 “Take the Rain Away” by Rebecca Lavelle. [Wanna listen to the serie’s playlist?] 🐴Author’s note: can you tell I wrote this chapter while severely depressed (as I did the previous)? 🥲 But, it was very easy to channel all my feelings into it, so I wrote it in like a day while crying most of the time. But here it is! Also, again I’m sorry. I’m really going through it and dealing with my depression, so I’m sorry if I take longer to reply… I do look at your messages though! I don’t know, life is hard and I’m waiting to get a referral from my doctor… all that shit takes such a freaking long time! But yeah, I’m still struggling, but I’m doing my best to hang in there; bad days and a few good days finally. Thank you all so much for reading and for sticking with the story, tbh there were a few times in the latest chapters where I just wanted to delete it all and stop posting.. But yeah, thank fuck🫂 Also… I really hope you’ll love the next chapter and please don’t hesitate to let me know your thoughts in either a comment or a reblog ☀️💦 🐴Author’s note #2: I'm sorry… today I'm feeling extremely emotional and anxious. It’s making me cry and my head is so heavy with a lot of thoughts… I hope you still like the chapter, right now I’m afraid it’s crap, so I’ll go hide (don't mind me, this is 50% my anxiety speaking). See ya on Thursday lovelies!

It’s been cross posted to AO3 if you prefer to read there. Wanna see the book cover?

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“Take the rain away Take the rain away Give me hope Give me love Make it sweet from above Take the rain away Oh take the rain away Give me praise Give me heart Take the rain away”- ‘Take the Rain Away’ by Rebecca Lavelle

The rain pelts on your windows, a rhythmic symphony against the glass that serves as the melodic backdrop to your dance with the paintbrush. Each stroke elicits a clench in your heart, a poignant harmony with the emotions that escape onto the canvas. Despite a tear finding its way down your cheek, you persist. The canvas becomes a vibrant tapestry, weaving through an array of red hues, from the delicate blush of pink to the profound richness of vermillion. In this intimate dance, you surrender to the guidance of the brush, allowing the strokes to tell a story only your heart understands.

The paintbrush becomes the voice of your unspoken thoughts, an ethereal extension of your mind that guides you through an escape. It whisks you away to an alternate reality, a place where joy and serenity prevail. Yet, as you gaze upon your canvas, the illusion shatters – a mosaic of red tones, a stark reflection of your inner turmoil. You’re aware of the truth it conceals, reluctant to acknowledge the lingering ache for a man who remains silent, a man whose choices have been clear and that choice wasn’t you. But why the heck would he decide to date someone that looks like you?

The baffling revelation still eludes you, a persistent enigma that has gnawed at your thoughts for days since the girls disclosed it. The meaning behind it remains a puzzle, and you find yourself grappling with the uncertainty. There’s an urge to confront Jimin, to seek answers, but the apprehension holds you back.

Instead, you retreat to the solace of your bedroom, losing yourself in the strokes of your paintbrush. Each canvas becomes a testament to your emotional turmoil, saturated in shades of red that echo anger and sadness. The thought of whether anyone would buy these artworks fades into insignificance; the therapeutic process takes precedence, offering a semblance of peace in the midst of your inner storm.

For a solid week, the relentless rain has played its melancholic symphony, a constant companion to your shifting moods. While you don’t inherently despise the rain, its prolonged presence begins to cast a subtle veil of gloom. The weather, once a neutral backdrop, now becomes a weight on your shoulders, a persistent force tugging at the edges of your mind, leaving a trace of subtle melancholy in its wake.

Perhaps a twinge of bitterness creeps in, accompanied by an admission of jealousy as you observe Jungkook becoming a frequent overnight guest. Their shared moments are anything but discreet, the resonance of their love making echoing through the walls. You’ve mastered the art of drowning out those sounds, resorting to nocturnal strolls when needed. In the depths of your heart, you yearn for the same intimacy, but with Jimin.

You sigh, feeling utterly deflated. Life never goes the way to want it to. Why can’t you just have something good happening for once?

In the dead of night, raindrops patter on your skin as you venture out once more for a solitary walk. The rhythmic percussion of raindrops becomes a welcome reprieve, drowning out the less-than-subtle sounds emanating from your sister’s room. Ugh. it’s just great— now you can’t stand people in love anymore! Despite your genuine happiness for your sister and Jungkook, witnessing their affectionate gestures becomes a bitter pill to swallow. The kisses, the embraces, the whispered words—all of it, a poignant reminder of what you yearn for with Jimin.

If only you could have that.

You know that jealousy is a nasty feeling and it leaves you feeling bitter inside.

The rain penetrates your jacket, seeping through to your skin—a subtle reminder of your lack of preparation. Cursing under your breath, you navigate through the yard, each step burdened with the weight of your drenched attire. As you reach one of the paddocks, darkness envelops you, the atmosphere dense and humid, mirroring the warmth and heaviness echoing in your chest. Yet, you yearn for this feeling to dissipate, much like the wishful thought that the rain will cease, allowing the sun to once again cast its hopeful rays upon you.

Lifting your gaze to the sky, the night sky unfolds above you, a vast canvas adorned with innumerable stars shimmering in their cosmic dance. A sigh escapes your lips, a blend of appreciation and melancholy. The celestial display, though undeniably beautiful, carries a bittersweet weight tonight, stirring emotions that twirl like distant constellations in the vast expanse above.

With the rain as your shield, you ponder whether it’s safe to return inside again or not. Opting to let the rhythmic dance of raindrops cloak you further, you choose the soothing drumbeat of rain over the potential moans echoing through the walls. It’s better to give them more time to finish whatever they are doing, instead of going back and having to listen to it.

As the rain clings to your clothes and skin, an uncomfortable yet strangely welcomed sensation, you yearn for more than just the soothing touch of the downpour. Hoping against hope, you wish the rain could wash away the turmoil in your chest, or perhaps, deliver to you the one thing you crave and need the most—love.

Jimin.

In the recesses of your heart, the truth echoes loudly— he is the one meant for you, and the regret gnaws at your soul for not confessing your feelings earlier. The fear of disrupting and jeopardizing his current relationship hangs heavy, a bitter pill you swallow. His decision is made, and you must bear the weight of it.

Frustration clenches your hands as you yearn for a conversation, a connection—anything to breach the walls he’s created, leaving you to wonder why he’s avoiding you or won’t acknowledge you at all.

As your breath quickens, tears intertwine with the raindrops on your cheeks, a blurred fusion where your own sorrows become indistinguishable from the weeping sky.

Your clothes cling to you, saturated by the persistent rain, and you decide it’s time to retreat from the star-studded night. With a silent farewell to the celestial display, you make your way back into the house, yearning for the solace of a quiet room, and silently hoping your sister and Jungkook have concluded their love making.

As you open the door and traverse the hallway, the muffled exchange of hushed voices reaches your ears, causing your heart to sink. Determined, you press on and step into your bedroom, conveniently situated next to your sister’s. Lately, you’ve cursed this proximity, contemplating the idea of seeking refuge downstairs in the guestroom.

The rhythmic creaking of the bed and muted moans persist, making you release a weary sigh, hastily snatching your pillow to shield your ears from the intimate sounds infiltrating the air.

Morning arrives, and you’re weary, having fallen asleep with the pillow cocooned around your head. Your once-neat hair now resembles a bird’s nest, and your body, feeling rigid and sore, yearns for the elusive embrace of a restful night’s sleep.

Fatigue clinging to every step, you drag your weary body to the bathroom, performing the mundane rituals of brushing teeth and washing your face. The mirror mercilessly reflects the under-eye bags, taunting reminders of restless nights. A scoff escapes your lips as you splash water on your face, a futile attempt to shake off the lingering exhaustion and rouse yourself from the morning haze.

When you finally emerge from the bathroom, Jungkook steps out of your sister’s room, wearing a sheepish yet gentle smile. Weariness etched on your features, you respond with a weary nod, acknowledging his presence.

Apology etched in his expression, he inquires, “Did we disturb your sleep?”

Concern lines his face, yet beneath the surface, a subtle smirk plays on his lips as his eyes sweep over your tired form.

“It’s fine,” you sigh, the weight of exhaustion evident in your voice, though deep down, you acknowledge that ’fine’ is a distant echo from the truth.

“We’ll keep it down,” he assures, a warm smile gracing his features as he absentmindedly scratches his head. A soft chuckle escapes you, an acknowledgment of the genuine sweetness and kindness that radiate from him.

“Jungkook, really, you don’t have to worry. I’ll grab some earplugs or whatever,” you laugh, the sound devoid of true joy. Despite your attempts at humor, each forced smile or chuckle only serves as a reminder of the hollowness and sorrow settling in your chest.

Jungkook gives you a reluctant nod, a silent acknowledgment of your weariness and the deflated emotions you carry. With a heavy heart, you retreat into your room to get dressed, the weight of the morning and the unresolved thoughts lingering in the air.

As you descend and enter the kitchen, the comforting aroma of Ha-rin’s nearly finished breakfast fills the air. Offering a hand, you assist her in setting up the table in the cozy dining room. The rarity of having everyone gather for a meal is not lost on you; usually, you’re consumed by solitary, hurried bites as the demands of the ranch beckon. However, today unfolds differently, marked by an unusual slowness in the rhythm of ranch life.

“You look tired,” she observes with a gentle concern in her voice as the two of you collaborate in setting the table. A soft chuckle escapes you, a mixture of acknowledgment and self-deprecating humor. It’s as if they’ve pointed out the obvious—yes, you’re aware you don’t look your best, but must they bring attention to it?

“Thanks. Jungkook and Jessi kept me up again,” you respond with a weariness that seeps into both your voice and posture, a tiredness underscored by a stifled yawn.

As you turn your head, Jungkook and Jessi stand in the doorframe, wearing apologetic expressions that mirror the remorse evident in their eyes.

“We’re sorry,” your sister offers a sincere smile as she pulls out a chair, settling down. Jungkook follows suit, immediately diving into the meal with an eagerness that hints at his hunger.

“It’s fine,” you brush off their apologies with weary eyes and a nonchalant wave. “At least you’re getting some,” you jest, but an awkward hush descends upon the room. The atmosphere turns dense, and their uncertain expressions reveal they’re unsure how to react. “Don’t mind me; I’m just... frustrated. Not at you, though!” you quickly reassure them, taking a seat and joining in the meal.

For a few minutes, an uncomfortable silence descends, wrapping around the room like an unwelcome guest. It’s the kind of awkward stillness that feels stifling and peculiar, and you find yourself yearning for someone to break it, to utter anything to shatter the tension lingering in the air.

“We actually have something to tell you,” your sister begins, and as you meet her eyes, you notice a sparkle of excitement, maybe even love, dancing in them. Her happiness is contagious; a radiant smile graces her lips, and a delicate pink hue adorns her cheeks, complementing her beautifully. It’s a sight that warms your heart, pulling a genuine smile from you in return.

Jungkook gently moves his hand over Jessi’s, giving it a tender squeeze, and his eyes gleam with a radiant light, an unmistakable shimmer of affection, you presume. Their laughter dances in the air, and their shared smiles are like a silent declaration of the love that binds them.

“We’ve been meaning to share something with you,” your sister begins, her voice laced with a mix of excitement and apprehension. “Jungkook and I are dating,” she announces, and you can’t help but feel your smile broaden. You observe the subtle exchange of glances between them, a blend of happiness and nervousness, as if unsure of how you’ll react to this newfound chapter in their relationship.

Your eyes glisten with unshed tears, and you can’t help but beam, your emotions laid bare. “That makes me so happy to hear!” A single tear escapes, and you playfully scold yourself, but deep down, you’re overwhelmed with joy for your sister and Jungkook.

Your sister’s concern deepens as she leans in, her eyes reflecting worry. “Are you okay with this? You seem a bit sad…”

With tear-streaked cheeks, you point to your clearly emotional face, chuckling through the joyful tears. “This? I’m just thrilled for you. I just... wish I had that too. But I’m genuinely happy for you.” Sniffling, you manage a smile, though your plate is nearly obscured by your overwhelming emotions.

Jungkook, your sister, and Ha-rin exchange concerned glances, but wisely refrain from prying further. You believe they’ve caught on; your weeks of moping and the emotional rollercoaster have left little room for secrets. It’s ridiculous, you scold yourself internally, navigating the intricate maze of your own emotions. The irony of grieving a relationship that never truly existed weighs heavy on your chest, and you can’t help but feel a pang of sorrow for what could have been.

Genuine happiness radiates within you for their newfound relationship, and you don’t perceive it as strange. Sure, there was a fleeting encounter with Jungkook, as Jessi pointed out, but it was just that—a passing moment. You never harbored romantic feelings for him; your joy stems from seeing them genuinely happy together. Yet, an undeniable pang echoes in your heart, a yearning for that elusive connection you witness in them, to have that special someone— and that someone is Jimin.

Caught in the whirlwind of conflicting emotions, you grapple with the uncertainty of your feelings for Jimin. Every attempt to navigate this emotional maze has hit a dead end – avoiding him, attempting conversations that fall on deaf ears, and even embracing silence only to be met with his intense gaze.

The enigma that is Jimin remains beyond your comprehension. Your desire for him lingers, leaving you in a perplexing predicament with no clear path forward.

“Relax your shoulders,” Yoongi’s voice cuts through the rhythmic sounds of hooves against the earth, offering guidance as a fiery-red mare gracefully circles you in the pen. Perched atop the fence, Yoongi, accompanied by Hoseok, shares his insights. Lately, with the challenging task of taming wild horses, Hoseok has become an invaluable ally, contributing his skill and energy to the shared pursuit.

His involvement extends beyond mere assistance; he actively contributes to the preparations, occasionally joining your rides and, on other occasions, simply sharing moments as you engage in the day’s tasks. Today, he observes with keen interest, his presence an unspoken support in the rhythm of your work.

You attempt to find your focus, and you let your shoulders sag, reminding yourself of the importance of a calm and clear mind in handling the unpredictable nature of the horses. Despite your efforts, stress and frustration linger, making the task more challenging. Today seems particularly difficult. Your gaze repeatedly drifts toward Yoongi and Hoseok, seated closely. The air between them carries a subtle tension, Yoongi fidgeting with his shirt, an uncharacteristic unease marking his demeanor. It’s funny how being around someone you like can change the way you behave.

You let out a soft chuckle, finding Yoongi’s crush on Hoseok endearing. The uncertainty of whether Hoseok reciprocates, or even what his preferences are— if he’s into men, women or both. You have no clue, but you genuinely hope that Hoseok shares Yoongi’s feelings; knowing that Yoongi could use a guy like Hoseok in his life.

The red mare’s whinny echoes through the air as it breaks into a wild gallop, gracefully navigating the pen with powerful bucks. This one, a recent addition, demands more patience than its counterparts. However, you embrace the challenge, recognizing that each horse is unique, and you’re willing to invest the time needed to build trust and understanding.

You let the spirited mare run around the pen, attempting to divert your attention from its antics. Instead, your gaze returns to the two men on the fence. They’re engaged in casual conversation, possibly about work, but the genuine smile on Yoongi’s face has an inexplicable effect on your heart. Hoseok’s eyes light up at every word from Yoongi, and it feels as if your heart could burst into a garden of blossoming flowers. In that moment, you yearn for a connection as beautiful and captivating as the one unfolding before you.

As your gaze drifts, it travels up to the yard, settling on the house that holds the thoughts of the man who occupies your every waking moment—Jimin. The silence between you two persists, leaving you in a state of anticipation. Every now and then, you catch glimpses of him with Deiji, their laughter echoing through the air. Despite the small flower in your chest withering at the sight, you remind yourself it’s okay, even though anger still lingers.

“Watch out!” Hoseok shouts, leaping down from the fence with Yoongi in tow. Before you can react, you find yourself sprawled on the ground with a thud. A frustrated groan escapes your lips as you rub your back, rolling over to your side.

You spot Yoongi approaching the red mare, hands raised in the air, skillfully redirecting its attention away from you. Meanwhile, Hoseok is already down on his knees beside you. As your eyes flutter open, a wave of confusion washes over you.

Concern fills Hoseok’s voice as he asks, “Are you okay?”

Your gaze meets his, lingering confusion evident. Meanwhile, Yoongi persists in his attempt to soothe the red mare, now employing a gentler approach, his words whispered in a hushed tone.

Your eyes lock with Hoseok’s as you ask, “What happened?”

His outstretched hand becomes your anchor, pulling you up into a sitting position, your fingers instinctively rubbing your sore back again.

His words hit you, “The horse ran you over,” accompanied by a subtle chuckle. Yet, his eyes reveal a deeper concern as he carefully scans you, ensuring that you’re genuinely okay.

You glance around in confusion at the sandy expanse of the pen.

“It did?” you inquire, perplexed, your gaze shifting down to the ground where you find yourself. You must have blacked out or something. You assess your body, feeling a general lack of pain, at least not as much as you expected.

“I think I’m fine,” you assure Hoseok, allowing him to help you up as you stand. You dust off the sand from your pants and shirt, trying to regain a sense of composure.

Yoongi, having calmed the mare, walks over to you. “Are you sure you’re fine?” he asks, raising a brow as he looks you up and down. You chuckle, dismissing any concern with a wave of your hand. There’s no need for a fuss over a simple fall.

“I’m fine. I was just pushed. No biggie!” you declare, gesturing with your hands to reassure them that everything is under control.

“Maybe we should take a look at you at the house?” Hoseok suggests, and you instantly flinch, a wave of apprehension washing over you.

“Oh god no. I’m fine, and I really don’t want to go in there,” you state firmly, a pressed smile on your face. The last thing you need is to see Jimin with Deiji again; better to stay clear of them, as you’ve been doing recently. Both Yoongi and Hoseok laugh, and you notice the way they look at each other, as if there’s something you’ve missed. For a split second, you feel left out before joining in the laughter yourself.

You ask Yoongi to finish working on the red mare while you and Hoseok take a seat on top of the fence. From there, you observe him letting the horse run about, much like you did earlier. Yoongi always appears so relaxed when he’s working. His ability to keep his mind sealed off and clear during tasks is incredible. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for you or Hoseok. The dynamic between the three of you is unique, each with your own way of approaching the work at hand.

The happy-go-lucky man next to you appears captivated by watching Yoongi work; his eyes shine as bright as the sun. The way he holds his breath, as if the air is too thick with something, sparks a glimmer of hope within you. Perhaps it’s because he might harbor feelings for Yoongi.

You meticulously apply eyeliner and mascara, ensuring you look flawless. Returning to your room, your eyes fall upon the elegant purple satin gown laid out on your bed. The floor-length attire boasts a sweetheart neckline, perfectly complemented by a pair of carefully chosen low heels that you gracefully slip into.

Before stepping out, you steal a moment to gaze at your reflection in the mirror, and what stares back at you is nothing short of captivating.

As you step outside your door, you encounter your sister, adorned in a floor-length gown of deep blue that borders on the verge of velvety blackness.

“Wow, you look stunning,” you compliment your sister, and she responds with a soft smile, her fingers nervously dancing with the edges of her purse.

“Thanks, you look incredible too,” she smiles warmly, and together you descend the stairs to join the other girls.

Ara, Soo-ah, and Ha-rin await you downstairs, adorned in stunning gowns for the night’s gala in town. The charity event, featuring an auction, aims to raise funds for the local hospital’s children’s ward. Ara stuns in a radiant red dress, Soo-ah elegantly dons baby blue, prompting you to ponder if it’s her favorite color, and Ha-rin exudes sophistication in a black gown. The quartet, a vision of beauty, gathers in the kitchen, the air buzzing with excitement for the glamorous night ahead.

“Ready for an enchanting evening, everyone?” you inquire, casting a smile across the group, your eyes dancing with anticipation.

“Yeah!” Soo-ah cheers with infectious joy, and without a second thought, you all rush to the door, hitch up your dresses, and dash into the yard, the relentless rain already kissing your gowns with its playful touch.

You hastily hop into the car, and Jessi swiftly ignites the engine, reversing out of the yard. The rain’s symphony dances on the windshield, while the sun gracefully sets, painting the sky in captivating shades of gold and pink.

Jessi navigates the road with precision, and the group settles into a comfortable ease. Casual conversations and light-hearted jokes fill the air, yet your mind strays elsewhere, tethered to thoughts of Jimin. Anticipating his presence at the gala, you resolve to keep a careful distance, aware that the crowd might offer a shield for the avoidance you seek.

Navigating the rain-drenched roads adds extra time to your journey into town, but finally, you pull up in front of City Hall. The building itself seems to have donned its best attire for the occasion, adorned with banners and a vibrant red carpet that unfurls invitingly through the grand entrance.

As Jessi skillfully parks the car, you hastily step out, seeking refuge under the overhang of the building to escape the relentless rain. A quick scan of the parking lot reveals the presence of Jimin and Jungkook’s trucks, instantly causing a pang in your chest. The prospect of encountering Jimin tonight tightens your heart, and you brace yourself for the emotional storm that might follow.

“Ugh I fucking hate the rain,” Soo-ah groans beside you, her disdain for the downpour resonating with your own sentiments. Your chuckle, a small escape from the damp reality, lingers in the misty air.

Ensuring everyone is prepared, you lead the way into the grand hall. The opulence hits you instantly – a symphony of golds and reds creating a lavish spectacle. The vast space is adorned with small, round tables draped in rich red cloth, each topped with flickering candles. Towards the front, a podium commands attention, surrounded by carefully curated art pieces. Among them, proudly displayed, are a couple of your own paintings, awaiting their moment in tonight’s charitable auction.

Approaching the guys, you’re met with a sight to behold—Jungkook impeccably clad in a black tux adorned with subtle stripes, while Yoongi and Hoseok exude charm in their tuxedos, each strand of hair meticulously styled. Embracing them warmly, your attention shifts to Jimin, not far off, accompanied by his stunning girlfriend. The duo radiates elegance, and you can’t help but curse Jimin silently for his undeniable allure— his ass looks so good in those pants. His tux drapes his frame flawlessly, accentuating every curve, and you catch yourself practically drooling before quickly averting your eyes.

Spotting his gaze directed your way, you respond with a silent nod. Despite your desire to keep your distance, you choose the path of politeness, offering this small acknowledgment in the crowded elegance of the gala.

The room swells with a mix of familiar faces and strangers. Across the expanse, you catch sight of Namjoon and Seokjin at a neighboring table. With a warm smile, you extend a friendly wave in their direction.

As the auction commences, you navigate through the crowd toward a table, silently grateful for opting for low heels to spare your feet. A glass of champagne in hand, you join Yoongi, Hoseok, Soo-ah, and Ara at a table. Meanwhile, Ha-rin has engaged in a lively conversation with Namjoon and Seokjin across the room, their friendship evident even from a distance.

Jessi and Jungkook are stationed at a table alongside Jimin and Deiji, and a scoff escapes you when your gaze lands on Jimin. The silence between you two remains, a lack of surprise settling in as a familiar companion at this point.

He appears incredibly alluring, like a full-course meal, and something stirs within your veins—a concoction of anger and jealousy, perhaps. The desire to speak to him, to feel his touch, clashes with the urge to tear him apart. Later, the thought of dancing with him lingers, but the awkwardness stemming from his radio silence and the undeniable truth that he isn’t yours keeps you at a wary distance.

The auctioneer’s voice becomes a distant murmur, his words lost in the whirl of paintings and various items on the stand. Your attention, however, is not tethered to the auction; instead, it’s ensnared by the intensity in Jimin’s gaze. The way his eyes lock onto yours mirrors a familiarity, reminiscent of the look he gave you weeks ago during Jessi’s cast celebration dinner. The unspoken depth in his eyes unsettles you, inducing a subtle sweat, nervous energy, and an involuntary gulp.

With no refuge in sight, you attempt to anchor yourself in the rhythm of your heartbeat, a desperate bid to quell the storm of emotions swirling within you.

Indeed— sin personified gazes your way, but what does it matter? His silence, his refusal to engage, grates on your last nerves. You know you’re at an auction right now, and it would be weird to talk at this event, but dammit, he could just come over and ask you for a talk, pull you off to another room. Anything, really.

A sly smile graces your lips as Yoongi playfully nudges your shoulder, and you, in turn, lean into the comfort of his presence. A subtle shift in Jimin’s gaze doesn’t go unnoticed, the intensity of his eyes deepening as the unspoken tension weaves through the air.

Hoseok playfully nudges you as your vibrant red painting graces the auction stage. Surprisingly, an elegant elderly lady becomes enamored with it, bidding generously and claiming it as her own. Gratitude swells within you, knowing that the proceeds will contribute to a worthy cause.

Jimin’s unwavering gaze continues to linger on you, an irritation bubbling within. You question why he can’t redirect his attention to his girlfriend or, at the very least, the ongoing auction.

The auction unfolds in the background, but your focus remains unyielding to the bidding, stolen by the persistent gaze of the blonde man. His intense gaze feels like he’s stripping you down with his eyes. Yet you remain nonchalant, indifferent to his silent advances.

During a brief respite, as delectable appetizers circulate the room, you discreetly savor the miniature delights, determinedly diverting your attention from Jimin as per your original strategy.

Abruptly, you interject into the group’s conversation, “Is there something on my face?” Their perplexed gazes pivot towards you, uncertain of the sudden inquiry.

As you munch on a bite of food, you nonchalantly toss in, “Jimin keeps giving me these intense stares, and I just don’t get it.”

Yoongi and Hoseok share a knowing chuckle, their eyes reflecting a camaraderie that Soo-ah and Ara immediately catch onto, shooting you looks of playful understanding.

“No, there’s nothing on your face,” Soo-ah says with a teasing smile, her words dripping with a playful undertone.

“Maybe you should talk to him?” Ara suggests, her voice carrying a gentle note of encouragement, like a flicker of a candle in the dim room of uncertainty.

“He doesn’t want to talk, and I hardly think this is the place for it…” you say, the words hanging in the air like a fleeting sigh, drowned out by the buzz of conversations around you as you take a thoughtful sip of your champagne.

You redirect your attention to the auctioneer, a black vase taking center stage this time. As the bidding unfolds, you indulge in another sip of champagne, feeling the effervescent bubbles dance teasingly across your tongue, a subtle distraction from the tension in the room.

As the final gavel falls, signaling the end of the auction, a wave of relief washes over you. The speakers come alive with soulful melodies, casting a warm ambiance over the room. To your surprise, the atmosphere becomes infectious, and you observe couples from other tables swaying to the rhythmic tunes. A chuckle escapes you, realizing you’ve never been one to dance at such formal events. Nevertheless, the music’s allure beckons, and you find yourself succumbing to the rhythm, ready to embrace the unexpected joy of the night.

Yoongi seizes your hands, whisking you onto the dance floor in a whirl of laughter and joy. The dance is a delightful blend of fun and friendship, his every move resonating with an infectious rhythm. As you twirl under the dazzling lights, you catch Hoseok’s gaze fixed on Yoongi. Leaning in, you share a whispered observation, “Hoseok’s eyes are practically glued to you, you know?”

His laughter reverberates through the air, a melody that resonates with a warmth you find comforting. “I know,” he chuckles, the sound a harmonious note in the symphony of the evening.

As he smirks, a playful glint in his eyes, you can’t help but reciprocate with a grateful smile. He twirls you around, a dance of understanding, letting you sway out of his embrace only to draw you back in. Oh, the dance you share with him is a temporary refuge, a wishful escape from the reality you yearn to change. However, your joy falters as you catch Jimin’s gaze; his eyes, far from angelic, hold a mysterious intensity that pierces through the rhythm of the music.

With a chuckle, Yoongi leans in, “Jimin’s got his eyes on you too.”

“I’ve felt his eyes on me since we walked through that door,” you admit with a sigh, your gaze wandering over the dance floor where your sister twirls with Jungkook, and Ha-rin gracefully dances with Seokjin.

“You should consider talking to him,” he suggests again, but you dismiss the idea with a subtle shake of your head.

“I doubt it would make any difference, honestly,” you laugh, pressing your body into Yoongi’s. His warmth envelops you, and for a brief moment, in his embrace, everything feels like it might just be okay.

Taking a step back from Yoongi, you express the need for a break. As you make your way back to the table to sip on more champagne, you observe Yoongi inviting Hoseok to dance, a proposal met with a willing agreement. Soo-ah joins you at the table, casting a gentle gaze in your direction.

“You danced with Hoseok?” You inquire, your gaze softened with curiosity.

“I did,” she admits with a smile. “He’s a really nice guy.” You nod, acknowledging her words. However, you can’t shake the understanding that someone in your circle might end up with a bruised heart, considering both Yoongi and Soo-ah have affections for Hoseok.

As you watch Hoseok and Yoongi gracefully moving on the dance floor, impressed by Hoseok’s skilled control over his body, a genuine smile plays on your lips. However, that fleeting moment of joy is interrupted as you sense the weight of brown eyes piercing into your back. Turning around, you find Jimin dancing intimately with Deiji, the intensity of his gaze making your smile fade.

You observe Jimin and Deiji dancing cheek to cheek, their bodies pressed tightly together, making you scoff and redirect your attention to Soo-ah. Just as you try to shake off the unsettling sight, a tap on your shoulder interrupts your thoughts. You turn around to find Hoseok, his bright smile inviting, “Do you want to dance?”

You seize his hand, allowing him to whisk you onto the dance floor, reminiscent of how Yoongi did earlier. Hoseok effortlessly twirls you around, evoking laughter that bubbles up from deep within. Knowing you’re not the most adept dancer, you surrender to his guidance, and he proves to be exceptionally skilled at leading you through the dance.

Amid the enjoyment, a surge of audacity overcomes you, prompting an uncharacteristic move. “What do you think about Yoongi?” The words spill out unexpectedly, catching Hoseok off guard, a reaction vividly displayed on his face. A chuckle escapes you as you revel in the spontaneity of the moment.

“What do you mean?” he asks, catching off guard.

Unable to contain your mischievous grin, you lean in and tease, “You know he likes you, right?” As the words escape your lips, you’re conscious of the trust you might be breaking but convinced that mingling is the key to any potential connection. Hoseok, though initially shocked, isn’t repulsed as you feared. Instead, his eyes widen, and a subtle pink tint adorns his cheeks, leaving you wondering how he’ll respond.

“He does?” Hoseok stammers, caught off guard and missing a beat. Your chuckle only intensifies as you nod in confirmation. The revelation lingers in the air, and you sense that you might not have to do much more to set things in motion.

As you continue to dance, a comfortable silence envelops you both before Hoseok breaks it, his words hanging in the air, “You know Jimin likes you too.”

You roll your eyes, well aware of the situation. “Yeah, not much to do about it when he has a girlfriend,” you admit with a wry smile. Despite Hoseok’s good intentions, you’ve firmly decided not to act on your feelings while Jimin is still in a relationship. It’s a line you won’t cross.

You dance a little longer until Yoongi is at your side again, grabbing your arm and pulling you into his embrace. He wears a curious smile as he asks, “What were you talking about with Hoseok?”

You chuckle softly, “I told him.”

He glances at you, a puzzled expression on his face, “Told him what?”

“That you’ve got a crush on him,” you declare, matter-of-factly, in a hushed tone meant just for the two of you. However, with the rain tapping on the roof and the music playing, it’s a challenge to catch every word.

Yoongi’s expression doesn’t exactly radiate joy, but there’s a subtle softness to his features, an almost-relaxed demeanor. He releases a frustrated sigh, raking a hand through his hair in apparent exasperation.

“I’m sorry. I know it isn’t my place to say anything. But he actually seemed intrigued!” You share, your words riding the rhythm of the music as you sway with Yoongi. His tension eases, and he responds with a soft expression, a subtle acknowledgment of the revelation.

“It’s okay,” he breathes out, “it wasn’t your place, but it’s fine.”

You lean into him, embracing him gently and offering a reassuring pat on the back. In that moment, you catch Jimin’s gaze fixed on you once again. The repetitive stares leave you puzzled. Why is he focused on you instead of his girlfriend?

You feel your heart quicken, your nostrils flare, and your hands clench around Yoongi’s back. He pulls you away, confusion etched on his face, questioning what’s wrong. But you see red. It’s reached a boiling point. The anger simmers inside you, consuming every inch of your being, and with determination, you let go of Yoongi and stride purposefully over to Jimin and Deiji.

Standing before them, you take a deep inhale, a turbulent storm of emotions brewing beneath your skin. “Why the hell are you staring at me like that?” Your voice slices through the ambient sounds, a piercing question that fractures the comfortable cocoon around Jimin and Deiji. Jimin slowly turns to face you, his expression shifting from surprise to a somber acknowledgment, as if he’s been caught in the act of something he’d rather keep hidden.

“Shouldn’t your eyes be on your girlfriend, huh? Why the fuck do you keep gazing at me? Look at your damn girlfriend!” you hiss, your hands tightly clenched at your sides, radiating with anger.

“And while you’re at it, why the fuck can’t you talk to me like a normal human being?” you raise your voice, the anger boiling so fiercely within you that you feel breathless as you unleash your words.

“You’re a damn coward, aren’t you? You shouldn’t be casting your eyes my way when you have a girlfriend right there!” You jab your finger accusingly at her, and she flinches, uncertain about how to react. Jimin simply gazes at you, as though you’ve lost your marbles—and maybe you have, because the words keep pouring out.

“You fucking jerk. If you had the decency to communicate, to use your damn voice instead of making baseless assumptions, we wouldn’t be in this ridiculous situation!” You huff, the waves of anger radiating from your body. The sudden realization hits you that the entire room is now fixated on the spectacle, and an eerie silence envelops the space, punctuated only by the intensity of your heated words.

Yoongi steps up beside you, a silent force attempting to ground you, but you refuse to yield. The torrent of anger surges within you, and with an accusatory finger, you unleash your fury on Jimin.

“I fucking hate you! You’re stupid. I hate you. I fucking hate you. I love you. I fucking hate you. I hate you so fucking much!” Your words, laden with venom, spill from your lips in a torrent of conflicting emotions. You seethe, feeling strangely lighter, though the room spins around you. Yoongi releases your arm, his face a mix of shock, and confusion mirrors the peculiar glances from those around you, leaving you wondering why everyone is now looking at you even more strangely than before.

“You fucking bastard. Stop looking at me like that,” you hiss at Jimin, catching him off guard. Deiji wears a displeased expression, and Jimin’s features soften in a way that leaves you utterly bewildered.

Deiji appears visibly irritated, and you’re left wondering if her frustration is directed at you or if she shares your exasperation for Jimin. As the tension simmers, Jimin unexpectedly breaks into laughter, his audacity fueling the fire of your anger. The laughter grates on your nerves, aggravating you further. Why on earth is he finding amusement in this situation? There’s nothing remotely funny about it, intensifying the blaze of your already fiery emotions.

You jab your accusatory finger at him once more, your voice cutting through the tension, “Stop laughing. This isn’t funny!”

Your voice may carry the tone of an angered child denied its desires, but you couldn’t care less. In this moment, you’re finally confronting Jimin, even if the conversation seems to be one-sided.

You observe as he parts his lips, ready to utter words that you don’t wish to hear.

“I don’t want to hear it! You know what? I’m done!” You hiss in frustration, ready to pivot away from the awkward situation, aware of the collective gaze of all the guests upon you. As you start to turn, Jimin’s firm grip on your wrist stops you, compelling you to face him again.

“You can stick your dick where the sun doesn’t shine!” You shriek, wrenching your arm free, and storming out of the building. The erratic thumping of your heart resonates like a dissonant ringing in your ears, mirroring the chaos within.

Gasping frantically for air, your breath catching in turbulent spasms, you step outside, feeling as if your body is unraveling at the seams. Collapsing on the stairs, you surrender to the tremors of anger pulsating through you. Attempting to regain composure, you strive to slow your breath, but the task proves as challenging as holding back a tempest.

Regret floods your senses, a torrent of remorse for every word unleashed in the heat of anger, half of them lost to the haze of fury. The weight of all eyes fixed upon you, their gaze searing into your soul, amplifies the desire for the ground to open up and engulf you whole.

What transpired in that room, and how did it all spiral into such chaos?

A symphony of hooves shatters the tranquility of your peaceful slumber, jerking you awake. Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you hurry to the window to witness the commotion outside. In the distance, a captivating spectacle unfolds — a wild herd of horses, led by the majestic brown stallion, thundering across the landscape. These creatures have become frequent visitors, drawing nearer to the ranch with each passing day. Curiosity grips you; what secrets do these untamed spirits carry, and why do they venture closer to your haven?

With a contented sigh, you wearily make your way back to your bed, sinking into its welcoming embrace. A spontaneous yawn escapes, accompanied by a luxurious stretch that sends waves of relaxation through your well-rested body. The simple joy of a peaceful night’s sleep settles over you, like a comforting blanket enveloping your weary soul.

Entering the bathroom, you brace yourself for the day ahead. Under the rejuvenating spray of a quick shower, you allow the cascading water to serve as a cleansing force, washing away not only yesterday’s mistakes but also the lingering regret that clings to your every thought. The steam clouds your reflection, a metaphorical veil between the past and the potential for a better today.

The bracing cold water jolts you into wakefulness, a refreshing prelude to the day ahead. As rivulets of water cascade down, you ensure every trace of sleep is banished, emerging invigorated and ready for the rigors of another day on the ranch. Donning a weathered shirt, worn-in pants, and your trusty boots, you complete the ensemble with the signature hat that shields your face from the sun’s relentless gaze. Descending the stairs, you find Ara in the kitchen, skillfully crafting a sandwich for her morning appetite.

“Hey there!” you chirp, a grin lighting up your face, buoyed by the rare joy of a restful night’s sleep. A subtle acknowledgment forms in your mind—thankful for your sister and Jungkook opting for a night at his place, granting you the serenity that fueled the upbeat mood.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Ara inquires, her attention focused on putting away the butter, as if carefully choosing the moment to meet your eyes.

“Actually, leave it out. I could use one too,” you interject, and Ara obligingly retrieves the butter, finally meeting your gaze. “As for how I’m doing—just fine.”

She hands you the butter and a knife, a wry smile playing on her lips, “Some party, huh?”

She chuckles, and you roll your eyes. The weight of her laughter only intensifies your embarrassment, a vivid reminder of the scene you created at the gala. You find yourself wishing for the ground to open up and spare you from the aftermath of your emotional outburst. Why did you have to make such a spectacle?

Damn you and your relentless emotions. Now the whole world, or at least everyone at the gala, knows the depth of your disdain for Jimin, you assume. You bury your face in your hands, releasing a frustrated grunt. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to create such a spectacle.”

Ara’s laughter rings out, much to your dismay, intensifying the furrow in your brow. You don’t see the humor; you’ve practically made a fool of yourself in front of everyone.

“Well, we all had a blast,” she laughs, a beautiful smile playing on her lips, “I’m sure Jimin is having a good laugh about it too.”

You roll your eyes once more, highly skeptical. After all, you called him so many terrible names, didn’t allow him a word in, and basically told him to stick it in his ass.

Wonderful. Great. Peachy. Words that utterly fail to capture the chaotic storm of emotions swirling within you at this very moment. The vivid memories of your passionate outburst yesterday haunt you, casting a shadow over any semblance of composure. There’s a lingering wish to escape the possibility of encountering Jimin and his girlfriend again, but deep down, you acknowledge that luck doesn’t favor you so generously.

You hastily slather butter onto your bread, devouring it in its pure simplicity. The imminent need to depart gnaws at you; the day awaits, beckoning you to gallop over to the Bell ranch, where the untamed spirits of the wild horses entwine with the shared endeavors of you and Yoongi.

“I have to go,” you declare, snatching the bread in your mouth, and dash outdoors toward the barn. The sun, now radiantly shining, bestows a sense of hope upon your day, propelling you forward with anticipation.

As you saddle up Marshmallow and guide him outdoors, a faint sound begins to patter on the roof—a soft, rhythmic reminder of the rain.

Out in the open, the rain embraces you in seconds, a relentless downpour that draws a scoff. Undeterred, you plant your foot in the stirrup and swing the other leg over, urging Marshmallow into a full gallop. The rain pelts your face, but you ride on, indifferent to the weather’s challenge.

As you ride, thoughts of Jimin’s expression at the gala linger in your mind. Despite his initial composure, his face betrayed offense and anger, as if restraining the urge to shout back. He stood there, his girlfriend by his side, absorbing every word you hurled at him. Regret tugs at you, but the words are irreversible, a turbulent exchange you can’t undo, even if you wished otherwise.

A yearning lingers within you, hoping that Jimin would have retorted, engaged in a verbal sparring, or at least defended himself. However, his silence echoes louder than any words, leaving you to ponder the significance of his unspoken response.

You sense that words were poised on the tip of Jimin’s tongue, ready to spill out, but a conscious decision to shield yourself from his potential revelations compelled you to shut down any communication before it began.

The peculiar weather paints a contradictory scene: raindrops cascade, yet the sun defiantly radiates its warmth, creating a surreal ambiance. In the midst of this meteorological paradox, a double rainbow graces the distant horizon. The sight, both enchanting and whimsical, elicits a genuine smile, urging you to spur Marshmallow into an even faster gallop. Each rhythmic beat of his hooves seems to synchronize with the cadence of your heart, a determined attempt to outride the persistent thoughts of Jimin that linger in your mind.

As the ranch emerges on the horizon, a welcoming sight after the turbulent events, you guide Marshmallow down to the pen where Yoongi and Hoseok eagerly await your arrival. Skillfully securing Marshmallow to the fence, you exchange greetings with the two men, the atmosphere pregnant with anticipation for the day’s tasks on the ranch.

Hoseok’s laughter greets you even before you utter a single word, prompting an eye roll from you in response.

As Yoongi dedicates himself to the fiery-red mare once more, you find your way to the fence, settling in next to Hoseok with a sense of camaraderie.

“Nice gala, huh?” Hoseok teases, raising his eyebrows in a way that suggests he’s well aware of the evening’s drama. You respond with a loud groan, wondering why people find the need to rub your failures in your face.

“Shit. I regret how I behaved. It’s so embarrassing,” you confess, closing your eyes as if wishing to erase yesterday from existence.

“I understand. But it was fun to watch,” he laughs heartily, his entire being pulsating with mirth.

You shift your gaze downward to Yoongi in the pen, “Have you noticed the herd of wild horses getting closer?”

Yoongi nods knowingly, “Yeah.”

You observe the mare’s lively movements before turning your attention back to Yoongi, “What do you think it means?”

Yoongi looks up from the mare, his expression serious, “Nothing good.”

Author’s note(2): Thank you so much for reading! 🌸 I would very much appreciate it if you reblogged the chapter, if you liked it ✨ A small review or a comment would also mean a lot to me, and even a like. But please, don’t be afraid to let me know what you think; your kind words makes me extremely happy 💜

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mikachacha · 6 months

Text

𝙲𝚛𝚞𝚎𝚕 𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚛 (𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝙻𝚎𝚎 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛)

Synopsis: You and Bada are in a situationship. You're both fine with that, at least you thought you're okay with it. The more time you spent with each other, the deeper you fell for her to the point where you couldn't help but think, what if you just straight up tell her that you love her?

(A/N: So yeah.. I'm just writing stories based on songs now 🤦‍♀️ Also, please excuse the grammar and spelling mistakes because English isn't my first language 🥹 Hope y'all enjoyyyyy!)

Warning: cursing, angst (well a bit), drunk shiz.. I think that's all??

🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸

Being in a situationship with Bada is both the greatest thing you've ever done and the worst torture. Bada's the perfect girlfriend one could ask for. Aside from the looks, she's caring, fun and just overall loveable. Seems like a perfect situation, right? Well that's where the problem arose. The more time you spent together, the more you realize that you're falling deeper for her and it sucks. Yeah, you may be sweet with each other, maybe kiss here and there but at the end of the day, she isn't yours. It's just something to pass the time or the boredom of being single. One day when she finds the person she truly wants, you'll be left in the ruins.

"You good? You've been spaced out?" Bada asked as she gently nudged your shoulder. You're just hanging out at the park late at night, enjoying the summer breeze together. You smiled at her and nodded your head, convincing her and mostly convincing yourself that you're okay. That you're all okay with this, which is a big, fat lie.

"Yeah I'm good, just thinking about something." You assured her before leaning your head on her shoulder. She hums and brushes your hair with her fingers before kissing your hair. As much as it pains you, you couldn't help but feel butterflies even at the smallest amount of affection she showers you.

"Are you free tomorrow evening?" she asked and you contemplated a bit if you should say yes or make up an excuse just to distance yourself a bit because you're falling dangerously hard for Bada and it's not good for you.

"Not really.. My friends and I planned to hang out at the bar tomorrow evening." you lied and she pouts a bit before sighing. As much as she wants to tell you to hang out with her instead, she had to remind herself that you're not her girlfriend and you're free to hang out with whoever you want.

"Well that sucks.. If you ever need a ride home since you're way too drunk, just give me a call yeah?" She says and you nodded your head, just snuggling against her side a little bit more. This might be the last time as you planned to distance yourself from Bada. Just enough for you to hopefully lose feelings and go back to the way it used to be. No strings attached.

"Will do.. Anywayssss, let's head back now? I know you need to be early tomorrow." you slowly got up and stretched and Bada couldn't help but wrap her arms around your waist, just holding you close to her. She's slowly coming in to terms that she may be falling for you though she needs to make sure that you feel the same way, too.

The moment you closed your apartment door after she walked you home was the last time you allowed yourself to be with her. As much as you wanted to keep doing whatever you had with her, it was best to let go rather than keep yourself from falling without any assurance that she'll be there to catch you.

"Thank you, Bada.. But I don't think my heart could handle this anymore.." you sighed and headed to bed with your heart heavy. You didn't even bother texting Bada anything before you slept. You were way too lost in your own misery that night.

🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸

Bada hasn't been herself the past few days. She felt like she was going insane because she hasn't seen you or heard from you since that night. It was like you're avoiding her or actively hiding from her. You wouldn't reply to her texts, when she tried to call your phone it was unavailable. It's driving her nuts and her friends are genuinely concerned for her.

"Unnie, what's wrong? We noticed that you're not yourself the past few days.. We're worried about you.." Lusher asked, finally building the courage to ask Bada about what's going on. Their other team members are getting concerned as well. Bada rarely smiled, is always on her phone and would rush out every single day which is not like her at all.

"I don't know, Lusher.. Y/N isn't talking to me anymore. I haven't seen or heard from her for days now. It's like she's avoiding me completely. It hurts.." Bada sighed and just stared at her phone that was on the table, hoping, wishing, praying that you would respond to her messages or even call but nothing happened which made her more upset.

"Heard she's hanging out with some of our old friends from uni days at this newly opened bar tonight. Wanna go so you guys can finally talk?" Tatter asked, having overheard Bada's dilemma. Without any thoughts , Bada immediately agreed. She just wants to see you, talk to you and apologize for whatever she did wrong just so you would talk to her again. She misses you so bad.

When they got there, Bada began looking around in search of you and there you were sitting with friends and drinking. You were never the drinker type but because you wanted to forget the feelings you had for Bada, you agreed to hang out with your old friends from uni. You're willing to do anything just to ease the pain you felt. It wasn't supposed to be this way and you blame yourself for believing yours and Bada's play pretend.

As the night grew deeper, the more you drank and when you felt you've had enough, you stumbled out of the bar to get some fresh air and maybe call a cab not to go home but to hang out at the park where you last hang out with Bada. It became a routine now for you, tipsy or sober, you always find yourself at the park just to cry your sorrows and heartbreak away.

Meanwhile, Bada excused herself to her friends. She saw you get up and get out of the bar so she followed you. She knows that she's coming off as creepy and stalker-like but all she wants is to talk to you and maybe hold you in her arms one last time if you decide to walk out from whatever you had with Bada. She followed the cab that you rode with her motorbike until it stopped at the park where you last hung out with her. She could feel her heart break a little as she watched you stumble out, your soft sniffles can be heard as it was already quiet out. She doesn't even have to look closely to know that you have been crying before you even got out of that cab.

Bada parked her motorbike safely before following you and what she saw broke her even more. You were sitting at the spot where she would usually take you since it has a clear view of the night skies after you once told her that you loved star gazing. You were crying and she sat beside you, pulling you to her chest which startled you a bit and making you cry even more.

"Y/N, what's going on? Please tell me.. I've been so worried about you the past few days. Did I do something wrong?" she asked softly and you tried to calm yourself down, even just a little bit but you couldn't stop the tears from falling down your cheeks.

"Nothing's wrong, Bada. Everything's good, you didn't do anything wrong." you told her and she sighed as she rubbed your back to help you calm down.

"Then why are you avoiding me?" She asked and you took a shaky breath before looking at her in the eyes. It's now or never for you. You're not only torturing yourself but also her at the process and she doesn't deserve it so you muster all the courage you can get to tell her the truth.

"I'm not okay, Bada! I've been lying to myself, I've been lying to you whenever I tell you that I'm okay with whatever we have between us.. But it's not okay! It hurts so much, it hurts so bad so here, I'll tell you the truth.. I don't want to keep secrets just to keep you with me.." you finally bursted and Bada just looked at you in complete shock. She didn't know that you were hurting from the situation and it broke her heart to pieces hearing the truth from you. Before Bada could start talking and apologizing, you stopped her as you continued your outburst.

"I love you, Bada. I'm so damn in love with you and I don't know what the fuck to do with myself or these feelings because there's no assurance that you'll ever feel the same way as me.." you confessed and Bada just pulled you in for a kiss. A kiss filled with all the bottled up feelings she had for you.

"Fuck, Y/N.. I love you too.." She says when both of you pulled away. A smile made its way on your lips hearing those words from her. Maybe it wasn't a cruel summer with her after all.

#bada lee #bada lee x reader #swf2 x reader #swf2

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filthygalli · 5 months

Text

Mortal Kombat 11 Johnny Cage AU: ‘’Someone Older” PART 2

Warnings: Dbf!Johnny Cage, Dilf!Johnny Cage, Age gap ( Reader is 29, Johnny is 56 because that’s canon??) SoftDom!Johnny Cage, sub!Reader, usage of Y/N, a little Angst, Reader has an IUD, Fluff, some swearings, All warnings apply to the whole fic.

Let me know if I missed anything!

Author's Note: Here's the PART 2! This fic is a little short…I'm gonna try and be active:( but my school work comes first, so expect late updates!

PART 1

Previously:

“You're still as beautiful as the day I left you, baby.” you chuckled, “So are you, Johnny.” he leaned in, an inch away from your lips, “You know what else i miss, hmm?” “I don’t know, Mind if you enlighten me?” johnny chuckled, “If you say so Princess,” with that, he kissed you deeply than you could ever imagined, You moaned, and immediately grabbed his neck and pushed him more into you, He lift you up and sat you on the edge of the kitchen counter, “Let’s be quick before your Daddy comes home, how’s that sound?”

.・。.・゜✭・..・。.・゜✭・..・。.・゜✭

Johnny kissed you while he circles your clit, feeling the wet spot on your panties “Fuck, baby, already wet for me?” he groans, “Can't wait to fuck you-” you cut him off by kissing him, biting his bottom lip, he whince, “Getting a little wild now aren't we Y/N?” “I missed you, don't ever leave me ever again, please..” tears forming in the corner of your eyes, “Oh baby,” Johnny says as he wiped the sides of your eyes, “I won't, I'll stay I promise, we'll be together again, I love you.” “I love you too, johnny.” You sigh, “That's a good girl.” He said as he pulled your shorts down leaving you with only underwear on, “Look at that, never get tired of seeing this view.” He said as she teasingly pulled down your panties as he put the panties in his pocket for safe keeping, “Hey! I like those-” you said as he grins, “I'll buy you a whole set-” he said as she teased your entrance, “Johnny please- I need you, I can't wait anymore..” Johnny chuckled, “Patience, Y/N.” Johnny said in a teasing tone as he puts one finger deep inside your cunt, “oh fuck- Johnny-” the feeling of his thick fingers inside of you is making you crazy.

You've missed Johnny, It's been a while since you and him got to do this, he may not be your boyfriend or whatever but you liked him. You two agreed that it's only for pleasure, for lust, and no feelings involved. Johnny is different to all of the guys that you've met and been with, sure he's old but hey, they say that old guys have more experience and they were right.

“God Y/N, You're soaking wet-” Johnny groans, “Please Johnny I need more please-” You begged, “You're still a brat I see…” Johnny Chuckled as he unbutton his jeans, “C’mon kneel, Seems like I haven't fucked that pretty face of yours.” He said lifting you down to kneel In Front of him looking up at him begging for something that you want, “Don't look at me like that Y/N,” he's leaning back down to you, cupping your face with one hand, “If you really want my cock inside that pretty pussy of yours, you gotta earn it, Understand?” He said, still cupping your face waiting for your answer, You nodded, “Is that the right way of saying ‘Yes’ to me Y/N?” He said palming his Already rock hard cock, “I'm sorry Johnny, I'll do anything you want I promise, I'll be your good little cum slut again, please-” you begged so hard as you look up at him, Johnny chuckled, “Good girl, Now open” he said gesturing you to open your mouth to take his cock.

You gave his cock some kitten licks to the tip and the base, earning a groan to Johnny, “Fuck, Princess- Y/N” You continued to tease him as he had enough and puts his cock inside your mouth harshly, Gagging by the size of him you tried to relax as you take him deeply, “That's right-Fuck-Y/N,” he thrust in slow motion, savoring the sensation of your mouth.

You tried to touch yourself, “Don't even think about it, Baby, I told you, you gotta earn it before you have it.” you moaned while you choked on his cock, he thrust again, deeply this time. “Fuck- Y/N-” he growls and he guides your head all the way down, you gagged on his cock, tears forming, He stopped fucking your mouth to give you some time to breath, “You did so good for me Princess, so good.” He cupped your face as he kissed your forehead. “Come up and bend over, can't wait any longer-” he growls in your ear as he stands you up and bent you over, he spits in his hand and uses it as a lube for his cock, “Johnny please…” “I know baby” with that he puts his cock inside your wet folds with a groan, “fuuuuck- Y/N- You're so- ah- tight” he thrust all the way in, “Johnny- shit ah- it's too deep!” You tried to adjust with his size, “I'm sorry-” he starts his pace slow as he saw you adjusting to his size again, he fucks you faster and faster sending you over the edge, “fuck! Johnny- too much please!” “I'm sorry Y/N I need you i- fuck-” he apologize for being rough because of missing the wetness of your folds, he fucks you as you feel a knot in your stomach, making you feel close to your climax.

You heard the door open as you and Johnny's eyes went wide as he quickly helped you gather your pants, “fuck-” he kept your underwear as he zipped your paths and his, “shit-”, johnny fixed your hair and your look, “you gotta look beautiful and presentable,” he chuckled as he kissed your lips and smacked your ass, “I love you, Y/N. So much.” He said cupping your face looking in your eyes deeply, “I love you too, Johnny, so much-” you said as you pulled away from him going back to wash the dishes.

“Y/N, I've been gone for almost an hour-” your dad said as he chuckled, setting the things he bought from the grocery.

.・。.・゜✭・..・。.・゜✭・..・。.・゜✭

Hello! Thank you for supporting my fic, I wasn't expecting that people would like my work! Even though I'm busy and not active I'm happy that there's people who read and support my fic, I love y'all so much!🖤

TAG LIST:

@kumquats-are-gay

@channiesprincess

@mynameislynnie

#johnny cage #mk1 johnny cage #johnny cage x reader #mortal kombat #mortal kombat 1 #mortal kombat 11 #johnny cage smut #kenshi x johnny #johnshi #johnny cage x kenshi takahashi #Spotify

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autistichalsin · 5 months

Text

So @dorky-malorky left a really good reply on this post I made earlier, and it was so good I had to reply- BUT my reply got way too long, so I'm making a new post. I'm going to quote their reply, and then add my own under.

So true, besties. As someone who was bullied pretty mercilessly all through grade school and right up until graduation, I see a lot of that same mask in Halsin. He puts up with so much and it's not because he's a sage wise old druid, it's because he has unresolved trauma!!! Man basically says Thaniel was his only friend growing up and that's why he became a druid. Imagine making a friend as a little kid and then finding out that no one else knows of him or can even see him. To all those people Thaniel may as well have been an imaginary playmate to a sad lonely boy. Then he grows up and loses pretty much everyone he cares about. He's cut off from Thaniel, he's cut off from his peers, and he puts so much of the blame on himself for that. Then he's thrust into a position of leadership where he, again, struggles to make connections. Sure some people at the grove are like 'sure wish Halsin was here' but then they all just go along with Khaga and the Rite of Thorns anyways instead of doing anything about it and they basically write him off as lost. In my view, Halsin has just been swallowing grief and disappointment his whole life and has been putting on the brave face because that's what people expect from him. Don't make waves, just keep on keeping on. Even with Tav and the tadpole crew he will keep swallowing that same shit beyond what a normal person would put up with because Halsin just wants to belong. He will take scraps if that's all he can get, and be thankful for it, when what he deserves is to be at the table with everyone else. And the heartbreaking thing is just how deeply he cares despite everything he's gone through. He could be bitter and angry like Astarion, but instead he suppresses and buries the hurt way down deep, and just keeps going, holding onto a hope that the future will be a better place. :(

And here is my response:

ALL OF THIS. There is a REASON so much of the fandom has independently come to the conclusion that Halsin is both autistic and a victim of bullying- realize it or not, the writers just put too many tell-tale behaviors in.

Your part about taking scraps just hits the nail on the head. He takes whatever the player gives, and he is still so damn nice- if he loses all of his approval towards the player (which is quite a feat since rescuing Thaniel and breaking the curse gets you 40-50 depending on choices made) he may be snippy in his greetings and in his point-n-click lines which are currently bugged, but he still never actually... really does anything about it.

And that he's able to still care after all of this- even setting aside headcanons, this is still a man who had few to no friends growing up, has been othered for his size and treated like his feelings don't matter, has lost everyone he loved, was made a sex slave for three years to one of the cruelest groups out there, with said slavery including seeing the bodies of other elves like him made into decorations, was forced to fight a huge battle and then faced a curse that killed so many friends of his that it would "take [him] a day and a night to recite the names of all the friends [he] lost" AND he had to kill the reanimated corpse of the previous Archdruid, a man he speaks admiringly of every time he mentions him, leaving him with survivor's guilt and pretty obvious PTSD, AND it took away his best/possibly only friend from childhood, he was forced into a leadership role he never wanted and in fact was actively miserable in, stressed to the point that he started thinking fondly of his past as a sex slave (with the implication being he romanticized it because he wanted not to have to be responsible for such hard decisions anymore) and with not a single soul to confide in who might tell him these thoughts weren't healthy, he spent years begging for help breaking the curse but even the Emerald Enclave was basically like "yeah you're on your own buddy", he fell into what was strongly implied to be alcoholism and had to swear it off entirely, his attempt to jump at the first chance he saw in 100 years to break the curse resulted in him being held captive again and tortured- by goblins, which got him mocked later- while his Grove was infiltrated, psyoped (seriously, too many people don't seem to know that Ketheric orchestrated the Shadow Druids infiltrating the Grove because he knew what a threat they/Halsin would be and wanted it neutralized) and turned against him by Kagha, requiring him to send in a new Archdruid while he left to try to solve the mindflayer crisis- and almost immediately discovering she was a better leader than he EVER was, which I'm sure left him with a feeling of not just inadequacy as he alluded to in his scenes, but also with a feeling he'd wasted all those 100 years trying to lead if he could have just handed it off to someone better all along, then after he finally breaks the curse that has been plaguing his homeland for 100 years he goes into the city, is promptly gut-punched with how much people, especially children, are suffering there, tries everything short of screaming to get people's attention that this is NOT OKAY and is promptly brushed off and dismissed at every turn, then finally goes to fight a Nether Brain to save the world, which he admits he had little faith he would survive- but he put on a brave face for the player (especially if romanced). And that's literally just the main canon path, not including things that can be done to him in darker branches, like his Grove being slaughtered and his attempt to avenge them all failing, or the Rite of Thorns succeeding and him losing his home forever, or him getting kidnapped by Orin, or, once that new update goes into place, him having casual sex with his friend/love interest (depending on the circumstances) and some prostitutes, opening up about his time as a sex slave, and then being promptly threatened to be sold back into slavery by the person he trusted. No, this stuff is literally just the main, good canon path.

I know people tend to say Halsin clearly worked through his traumas in a healthy way offscreen (this line gets used most with his time as a sex slave) but the lack of support system Halsin has, his inability to center his own needs, even to himself, for a single minute, his desperation to be validated for just a single moment, his idolization of the player if they break the curse even if they subsequently treat him badly, his emotions being so turbulent that he alludes to being unable to control his wildshape on two different occasions with both specifically being linked to turbulent emotions (one being intense arousal and excitement, the other being anger and fear when escaping the goblin camp at the player's side), all of which is incredibly unusual for any Druid let alone an Archdruid hailed as one of the most powerful around... none of this really?? points to that being true???

He doesn't act like he is a wise, zen old Druid, he acts like he's trying to be a wise, zen old Druid, and there is a huge difference.

#halsin #bg3 #baldur's gate 3

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yuri-is-online · 3 months

Note

Back with some more thought experiments! This time, let’s talk about the actual worldbuilding of Twisted Wonderland. I mean, this is a completely separate world where fairytales and fantastical things actually exist. It’s functionally impossible for Twisted Wonderland to just be Earth plus some Disney sprinkled on top.

The biggest point that really gets me is that fact that methods to foresee the future exist. Astrology is a valid class in NRC and Yuu suffers from plot convenient prophetic visions. The mere idea that the future can be foreseen should have huge ramifications on how businesses and governments operate. Imagine knowing the effect of a deal or policy before it even happens. Or minimizing crisis by knowing about it before it strikes.

Magic should also affect technological development. We know that there was an age before magic was widespread among humans, thanks to Trein in GloMas. In that sense, I can see how up to a point technological development may be similar… but post-magic the technology should be different due to a different set of limitations.

Language is also an interesting topic. Setting aside things that humans probably can’t event speak like the Fae languages seen in game, what of the languages used in Twisted Wonderland? Would they be similar to Earth as a result of the Disney movies used to create its history? Does that explain why Rook speaks French?

This isn’t accounting for religion either. The Age of the Gods is a thing, drawing from the Hercules movie. That would mean that the Greek gods actually exist in Twisted Wonderland. So how did they fall out of worship? I mean, only Hades seems to be recognized anymore due to the Great Seven, and not even in a religious way.

Look, I’m going to hit the character count if I keep trying to list all of my questions. This is just all so fascinating! And true to my fixation on Yuu, this is all great content for exploring just how alien Twisted Wonderland must feel. Like, Yuu should honestly ask more questions. I don’t buy how easily they adapted in the game.

- 🦐

*cracks knuckles* Shrimp you have brought up stuff I've been thinking about for a hot second, I'm so glad you have come into my inbox ( ๑ ˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و ♡

I agree that I don't think Yuu would have adjusted as easily as they are depicted to in game, but this is a mobile app gacha game licensed by Disney so it's not going to focus as much on stuff like that. Luckily that's what we're here to do anyway~ I am going to go through these points one by one.

Point One: Astrology

The most we learn about how fortune telling works in game is from the Scalding Sands hometown event. There is an exchange between Cater, Trey, and Jamil about using coffee grinds to tell fortunes, and Trey specifically says something I think is interesting: we get two really interesting lines:

From what's said here we can tell two things: A) there is a distinct difference between types of fortunes and B) a distinct difference in the quality of fortune tellers. Someone like Cater is correct most of the time with his divination, but not everyone will be making actively relying on it for major decisions. I could absolutely see older kingdoms having a seer employed who a ruler could call on for supernatural advice, but I don't think that would be common practice in modern day Wonderland outside of maybe Briar Valley. Besides, just because you know something bad will happen doesn't mean you will be able to efficiently mobilize your forces in time to make a meaningful difference.

Speaking of which, not to touch on spoilers too much but Leven seems to be implied to posses the ability to actually clearly see the future, and as for Yuu's visions...

Well Lilia says he thought they might have a curse like Silver's (not that he knew why they were dizzy)... and the ability to see the future IS often handed out in Greek Myths as a curse, but well. Make of that what you will.

Point Two: Magi-Tech

The way technology works in Twisted Wonderland is a bit vague. From how Idia talks, I think there is a distinct difference between technology and magitechnology, with Idia specifically specializes in the latter. I actually went a really long time thinking that since Yuu hadn't a single trace of magic on them they wouldn't be able to ride a magi-wheel because of how Deuce talks about it syncing with your own magic and what not. Even magicless people in Twisted Wonderland don't seem to be completely magicless, they just don't have enough of a mana pool to actually cast a spell.

I think it would make sense to suggest magic and magitechnology probably affected Twisted Wonderland's development in the same way the silicone chip did ours, but the key difference would be that if you put too much magic into a device most humans can't use it. That would bring up a completely separate set of setbacks and issues... while there might not be a difference in the type of things built their internal construction would definitely be wildly different.

Part Three: Language

I think the easiest answer to this is yes. We know there is a "common" language that most places now use... I like to headcannon that language as being unique to Twisted Wonderland but I have seen some people think it is probably English. Which brings out my scrunchy face because the prevalence of English in our world is because of the British Empire... which never existed in Twisted Wonderland.

Rook speaks French because one of his favorite plays is set in Fleur City/the Shaftlands... which as a side note. In his Vampire card vignette he names the play that made him like Neige so much: Kingsroad~ The Sword to Become King!~ which is literally the Sword in the Stone based off of the little song he sings from it. I have been going crazy since GloMas thinking about if this suggests that King Arthur is french in Twisted Wonderland or if Rook is referring to another play... personally I think he's from Sage's Island but that's a crack for another post

Part Four: Greek Myths and Religion

There doesn't really seem to be any religious presence in Twisted Wonderland at all. It's unclear if Hades was ever worshiped or if he was just referred to as a god due to his perceived immortality and power. Given that there is something called the Jupiter group... and the Shrouds are a branch of the Jupiter family... AND that the Titans you fight in Chapter 6 are yelling about getting to and killing Jupiter... I think that it's highly likely there are events in Twisted Wonderland's history that correlate to the stories of the Great Seven, but didn't necessarily involve the Great Seven themselves. It's just that those events are remembered as having been done by them... for some unknown reason. Not to be conspiratorial... but do we have any proof they ever actually lived in Twisted Wonderland at all? (━＿━)ゝSure there are relics and things, and there are apparently paintings in the Land of Dawning Meusuem, but where did they come from? How old are they? I don't need sleep I need answers, is this a primary or a secondary source about the Queen of Hearts Riddle?

The End

I also wish Yuu would ask more questions, but I get why they don't :/ this is a gacha game blah blah blah but also. I don't think Yuu knows what questions to ask, there's a lot of stuff about life you don't think about as being abnormal until someone looks at you funny and I think Yuu realistically does a lot of that, but if you put every single instance of that into a game it would get very exposition heavy very fast. Luckily you, I, and everyone reading this have massive brains and can talk to each other about it!!!

#<3 asks #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twst yuu #twst theories

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yooniesim · 4 months

Text

So, I may be a day late, but I still want to make a little post for Simblr Gratitude Day 💜

To start off, my memory is pretty bad, so I just know I'm gonna miss tagging people... and honestly, there's way more people on here I'm grateful for than tumblr's limit of 50! So I'm starting out addressing everyone.

To everybody that likes or reblogs my posts, sends comments or asks, shares their sims with me, or uses my cc: I love you. Yes, you! I may be bad at answering back sometimes, but I cherish every interaction I get- a lot of the times they have me kicking my feet and giggling, or sometimes I'm barking and scaring my cat. Asks really make my day and even when I don't reply so fast, they warm my heart. Asks I've gotten on here have genuinely helped me in my dark times, and renewed my faith in this community as a whole, because some of you are just so freaking amazing and kind. Especially now with everything I've been going through, sims and being here has remained a comfort for me because of you all. Even if there's speed bumps from time to time, I truly believe there's more good here than bad, and y'all should be proud of yourselves and your capacity for endless kindness. Thank you!

Now, I'm going to address a few specific precious people I'm grateful for.

@wastelandwhisperer - Moon, my precious mom friend, I adore you. The joy, comfort, and hilarious memories you give me can't be understated. You deserve all the love and light in the world.

@neverheresims - God's eepiest soldier, what would I do without you? Thank you for always being genuine, reliable, and a true friend.

Vi - Thank you my sheriff, my paggro detector, my master of copypastas, my right hand catboy. Even though you're untraceable, I couldn't leave you out. I love you!

@divinedionym - Thanks for always being straight with me and taking NO shit. I truly admire you and your attitude, friend.

@dyoreos - We may not both be active at the same time anymore, but I still think of you, friend! You've always had my back and I'll always have yours.

@nucrests - I'm so grateful to be your friend, and every time you share your beautiful content and gorgeous sims with me, it really makes my day. I adore you.

@cinamun - You probably don't know this, but in certain times when I was feeling low, your comments and kindness really lifted my spirits and made me feel like I belong. You're a lovely person and deserve all the love you receive, friend.

@woosteru - You won't see this bc you're retired so I can be sappy as I want, so there!!! I adore you, your sweet personality, and your sense of humor that matches just right with mine. (Nobody tell them)

@superflare - Lulu, you're an incredibly creative and intelligent person. I can tell you're going to go far in life and do great for the world. Be proud of yourself, always!

@fiftymilehighclub - Thank you for always being yourself, Manda! You're such a hardworking person that's kind but firm with your opinions and what matters to you. You're amazing.

@nicatnite88 - Tay, you're someone that's always empathetic, understanding and kind, yet hilarious at the same time. I look up to you as a person and admire your skills as a parent.

@pluto-sims - What do I say about Eli? Despite being unfortunately bri*ish, you've exceeded expectations in all other areas as a friend. I genuinely appreciate your presence and kindness in my life.

@bloody-soda - As one of my longest and dearest mutuals, peachy, my love for you can't be understated! I think of you whenever I see cute meme pics lol and you're so lovely as a person.

@wubblesgonefishin - Beautiful wubs, you're such a wonderful person with so much love to give! My day brightens every time I speak with you and I'm so glad you're back.

@toastie-sim - Meg! One of my few brain cells, I don't know what I'd do without you! You're so helpful all the time and unbelievably patient. I appreciate you.

...Phewph. Now that that's o- wait. You thought I was done??? Nuh uh, the king of long ass texts posts is not done that fast. Here's some more beautiful people I'm grateful for and love seeing grace my dash 💜

@simandy @void-imp @therichantsim @adelarsims @marsosims @shysimblr @1-800-cuupid @xldkx @xiuminuwu @hexcodesims @cassymblr @lotusplum @rebelangelsims @denzellion @strawberrylattesims @anachrosims @cowplant-snacks @fierce-trait @simanin @ghostwoohoo @llama-head @aghilasims @janjumjam @jellyfish-tea @bbdoll @puppycheesecake @mwvwv-sims

#ceci speaks #nonsims #text #simblr gratitude day #im telling u i missed ppl and im sorry #but just know i love u all!!!

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aestherin · 1 year

Text

privacy

19: idea of luxury

NOTES contains: kissing, mentions of 'housewife' (lol this so random ToT), very very lightly suggestive??? (tbh idek what counts as suggestive anymore :"D)

It was cold inside, but your hands were sweating.

Was it from the tension? You don't know. Likely, but not certain. Nervousness? Another possibility.

But was the cause of it related to the lean blue-haired man currently making his way towards you?

Certainly.

"Are you gonna publish an interior magazine?" Ayato smirked. "You keep taking photos of my penthouse, [Name]."

You rolled your eyes. "No, but I'm capturing all I want because I may never get to see this again. This would make good inspo for my future home."

Standing right in front of where you were sitting on the couch, you hear him feign a sigh. 'Close,' you thought.

"Love, you can go to my penthouse anytime. I can even have a duplicate key made for you. You want that?"

"No."

Ayato raised a brow. "And here I thought you liked my home."

"Not enough to treat it as my own, apparently."

"Shame. I was about to ask you to be my housewife."

You immediately sat up, causing you to be closer to him. The light fabric of the shirt Ayato's wearing was mere centimeters away from you. "Oh? Does that interest you?"

Baffled from what he said prior, you opted to ignore the almost nonexistent distance between you and the body of the man you're currently looking up to. "Excuse me? Housewife?"

"Yes?"

"Why the fuck do you think I'd want to be your housewife?"

Truthfully, for a moment, you considered the possibility. You've never wanted to slap yourself so bad once certain images flashed in your mind: the two of you smiling sweetly at each other, you cooking meals for Ayato (because he can't cook to save a life) in this very same penthouse, and more scenarios of affectionate domestic activities. Not to mention that the scenes even had filters when you imagined them.

You despise your own mind sometimes.

Maybe you should write scripts, too.

"Oh? You don't?"

Why in the world are you having this kind of conversation with him as he's looking down at you and you're staring up at him?

This is... a little...

'Ayato's a fucking tease.'

"No. I don't."

Your boyfriend laughed heartily. "Are you sure, love? You know, tens — if not hundreds — of thousands of people would get on their knees to be my housewife." He started leaning down towards you. "Some people even use that as their social media handles."

You forced out the actress in you, only so that he cannot see the expression that you truly were about to show. Why was he this close?

Actually, why were you guys even taking this long conversing about this one topic?

A sassy facade. "Well, sorry to burst your bubble, mister, but I'm not them."

You noticed how his brows lightly shot up in realization, how his playful gaze turned into one of delight. It's astonishing, really. How he could easily switch.

He let out a deep breath. "You're right, love. You are not them."

Ayato leaned in even closer, settling his hands on the backrest behind you to support himself.

Earlier, it was his shirt that your face almost had contact with. But now...

It was his face.

His unfairly perfect face.

A genuine smile from the guy was all it took to break your pretense.

"You're my girlfriend, right, [Name]?"

It took a lot of willpower to go back to acting composed and unaffected after that certain display of his.

Seriously.

"Yeah. A fake one."

You could swear something changed in his eyes.

Ayato, however, made sure that you can't point it out — how his heart dropped, how the previously present glint in his irises disappeared, how his lips almost displayed a frown with a single statement of yours.

'Did you really have to say that?' he mused.

Fortunately, he was an expert at turning things around. He had a knack for harvesting pleasant outcomes from unfavorable situations.

Ayato was not about to let that one thing ruin his day.

"Ah," he stared back again. "Thank you for mentioning that, [Name]. I almost forgot."

You frowned. "That what? We're fake dating?"

His lips curve to a smirk.

And everytime he does that, you die.

"No. What we were supposed to be doing."

"Huh?"

The man sighed. "Dearest love, you can't have possibly forgotten that we're here to kiss."

"Fuck."

"Hehe."

"Do you want to get on with it now?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever. It's not like it's a big deal anyway."

Liar.

"I've done this plenty of times with my co-leads."

"Oh? I see." You fail to see how his gaze darkened, with how his face was positioned near your ears. "I'm expecting you to be a good kisser then," he whispered.

You braced yourself.

The two of you stared at each other for seconds, with neither of you making a single move.

"When are you going for it?"

"Huh?"

"You're too slow, love. Is it taking you so long to muster up the courage to come and kiss me?"

"What do you mean?! I was waiting for you, you dumb fu—"

A peck on your forehead. Then your left cheek, then the right. Another on your nose. The next one on your chin.

The last one being on the corners of your lips.

'Is he playing with me?!'

He pulled away, grinning like a complete fool. "Ayato!"

"What?" He played innocent.

"Please. Let's just get this over with," you plead.

His gaze remained still on you. In Ayato's eyes, you looked absolutely divine. You with your furrowed brows, pleading eyes, and pouty lips... How could he ever refuse you?

How could he ever resist?

"As the lady wishes."

This time, he was heading for your lips.

But he stopped halfway.

"Motherfu—"

There it was.

His lips tasted like cherries — they felt like them, too.

One...

Two...

Three...

He pulled away by then, with you not being able to get your fill.

It was utterly embarrassing, how your head somewhat chased after his when he distanced himself. Luckily, you were able to control yourself and stopped before he even opened his eyes.

And when they found their way back to yours, his lavender eyes were hazy. Dark and lidded, certainly different from the bright and mischievous ones from just minutes ago.

You were sure you weren't in a better condition either.

The breaths you make are heavy, and so are your eyelids. And your mind?

Blank.

You opened your mouth first. "Ayato, I..."

"Sshh." He placed a finger against your lips. "We're not quite done yet, love. Don't you think so?"

'I can't fucking think.'

You mumbled incoherently at him, confused.

"I believe that first kiss we made... it's not that convincing yet, no?" He breathed.

Ayato made your foreheads touch. "Unless, you don't share the same opinion as mine? If that's the case, then we can stop here, and..." A sigh. "call it a day."

You took a deep breath.

The usual curve of his lips returned as your hands reached around his nape.

"No. I find it unconvincing as well."

privacy — ayato x reader smau

prev. masterlist. next.

NOTES -> not a cliffhanger this time (i think) so that u guys can sleep in peace😌 -> i cannot believe i wrote this (wrote late at night before i slept and i swear my face is heating up) -> my brain is not functioning anymore after writing this -> was listening to 'collide' while writing 👀

TAGLIST I (closed) @catsrkool @sukunasrealgf @redactedhimbo @layla240 @mxlkytea13 @itsactuallylina @milza12 @aixaingela @tatiratty @kimiesstuff @laventiseriou @kunihaver @bibisbestgirl @lunaavity @coquettemaiden @opchara @slvdsjjk @cotton-eee @lady-elodie @dearxiiao @wheneverthesunrise @heartswonder @chuduchok @headphonesrlif3 @lleoll @vnderthesunn @lizzardlady1234 @nekogakuro @rifran @atlatcaheart @ani-st @creammpuff @lunastarjay @kittycasie @poisoned-candy-apples @zannivrs @b0bafl0wer @moonlightaangel @elsoleil

#privacy smau #ayato x reader #genshin impact #genshin #kamisato ayato #kamisato ayato x reader #genshin smau #ayato smau #aestherin #genshin celebrity au #modern au #genshin modern au

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adelarsims · 2 months

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OC QUESTIONNAIRE: IVO

thank you @simarcana for the tag :)

if any of you wanted to know ivo a little better, here's your chance.

hello, my dear. i believe we never met... i'm the spellweaver here at the Academia, and a substitute librarian for the time being, until they find someone else for the job. so... in which capacity i may be of help?

NAME: that would depend on who you see in front of you right now, me or the... oh. then just ivo is more than enough, there is no need to stand on ceremony ~

NICKNAME: with such a short name as mine, no one really called me anything else. if you don’t count common words of endearment, but i don't think that counts.

GENDER: ...hmm. that made me think. i’m used to think of myself as a man, but when i imagine being offered a different opinion, it doesn’t feel alien or make me uncomfortable either... there's always something yet to be discovered about ourselves, isn't it.

STAR SIGN: Pisces, but you might not find it very fitting anymore, now that i... oh, apologies, i got a little distracted for a moment.

HEIGHT: i never bothered measuring my own height exactly. probably a little over 180 barefoot, a little under 190 on heels... why would that be important? i assure you, 171-cm-on-heels worth of the Grand Sage in a bad mood can be much scarier. ah, you want me to get you this book from the upper shelf? in that case, my dear, how about i teach you a little beckoning spell if you have the time? it will come in handy when i’m not around to help. ~

ORIENTATION: there was a time when i preferred one gender over all others. now i prefer not to prefer either. that is just for the best for everyone. i’m truly sorry if you asked out of... personal interest, my dear.

NATIONALITY/ETHNICITY: i’m afraid even i don't have the answer. i was here for as long as i can recall, but my childhood memories are rather... hazy. it was definitely warmer than here though, that much i remember.

FAVORITE FRUIT: peach, the juicier the better. even imagining it in my hand, its fuzzy skin is warm from the sun, juice streaming down my fingers and palm and staining my sleeve... ah, it almost makes me feel the taste in my mouth.

FAVORITE SEASON: summer. cold and damp weather can be very hard to endure, it takes a huge toll on my mind and body alike.

FAVORITE FLOWER: a whole field of forget-me-nots. and the apple tree blossoming in the warmest month of spring. it’s not something you could pluck for your amusement and put in a vase... you can only appreciate it and step away, carrying this moment of peace in your heart.

FAVORITE SCENT: oh, you know these thick, spicy scents that are an essential part of every tiny store that sells all kinds of fake occult knick-knacks impressionable young humans are so obsessed with? yeah, this scent. it’s just... so nostalgic for some reason.

COFFEE, TEA, or HOT CHOCOLATE: i much prefer pomegranate wine, my dear, but alas, now that i’m not allowed to drink alcohol anymore... it would be linden and melissa herbal tea. aside from its mild taste and soothing qualities, another great thing about it is that it never becomes tart even if you forget about it for a long time... however, i would also never say no to a cup of hot chocolate in a pleasant company ~

AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: more than nine, preferably. sadly, i’m rarely given that luxury. everyone always needs something here, and you can't really say no when it's the Grand Sage who's asking, now can you?

DOGS or CATS: neither, my... guest doesn’t like animals. or, rather, they do not like to be in my presence anymore. why are you looking at me like that? i thought professor Ember warned you about... i see. apologies for confusing you then. at any rate, if i have to choose, then cats. a cat sleeps for twenty hours a day and wouldn't give me any trouble, while having a dog demands too much physical activity for my taste.

DREAM TRIP: anywhere warm, my dear. (...where i really want to go is to go back in time and make a different decision, one i won’t be regretting for the rest of my days, but...) oh, i look sad? these cold stones just aren’t good for my morale. winter this year was awfully long.

NUMBER OF BLANKETS: indefinite. nothing better for the night than making a warm cozy nest out of thick fluffy blankets. the flip side is that the warmer and cozier your blanket nest is, the more heartbreaking it is to leave it in the morning.

RANDOM FACT: there’s a belief among academia students that if you jump across the hall all the way to the statue of the First Sage on just one leg the day before the exam, and throw the note with your request, and the note stays in the statue’s hands, you will get an A+ without trying. no, no, not lazy, most of them prepare for exams anyway... it’s more of a tradition now. sometimes they write completely unrelated things. poems, love confessions to each other... someone even begged the statue to make professor Ember have a crush on them, poor soul. how do i know all that? whose responsibility it is to retrieve all these notes from the statue, you think?

tagging @kisica-plays, @pralinesims for OC you didn't answer this for, @agena87, @adoringsentiment, @kri-babe, @puppycheesecake and anyone who sees this and suddenly wants to hop on that train

#s:ivo #adelar’s storytime #adelar shows imaginary people #simblr #ts4 #the sims 4 #sims 4 character

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peachypinkygloss · 3 months

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hi :)

I'll try to make it short because I think not many people follow my activity anymore (as if there is anything to follow LOL) and so I believe this will only reach the ones who still cares about me hehe

i have no desire to update on this account as for now. it's been like this for a few months, and it only decreased as the days passed... I felt and still feel very guilty because I've done so many things here and I really thought this would last A LOT longer ahah but as you may know, I'm still young and discovering myself.

I won't lie that I've been feeling like my work was never very valued for what it was, or at least only valued when I discussed certain topics and members... but I fussed enough about that in the past and I don't want to bother about it anymore, hence why I'm sort of taking a break from Tumblr (or rather this account)

"sort of" because I don't know if next week I will suddenly find the motivation to update here again. I don't want to leave this account because, well, I've accomplished more than I thought I would ever in a life time and I know damn well I'm gonna go through another phase where I will be very active.

I'll be active on my side blog, which I'm planning on moving into another logging so I don't have to bother with peachypinkygloss' notifications. it's definitive, so I will give it some thinking.

I've written this really last minute lol but oh well.

P.S.: I don't really care if I haven't been able to finish what I started, and ngl it shouldn't matter to you either. it was never a promise and I have a life outside Tumblr (surprisingly lmfao). please, never harass an author about updates guys, it's seriously the most discouraging thing ever. I've gotten a lot of that and it killed my mood, especially when nobody really showed genuine gratitude.

I might log in here from time to time but reach out to me on cherrypinkygloss (don't follow me there, I won't post any content! it's only for DMs) or my side blog! however, if you want to be moots again you'll have to follow cherrypinkygloss.

little precision I dismissed to add: my side blog isn't for everyone, don't follow thinking I'm posting the same kind of content as here! it's very different and darker and taboo. all the warnings are identified on my navigation. be responsible, thank you!

#<3

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fluffysucker · 1 year

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Help, I'm lost

Bucky Barnes x reader (Au)

The worst of days brings you closer to the best of people. Those your heart desire

This is a deep dive in a part of the one-shot I wrote. This one

This can be read as stand-alone as well.

Written in third pov. Minimum use of Y/N. But lots of female pronouns lol.

TW: Mentions of Sexual Assault. Mentions of Emotional and Physical Abuse. Sexual Harassments.

Don't worry. Bucky is a knight in shining armor.

If you feel uncomfortable or may find it triggering, I put the part where the reader talks about it in BOLD AND ITALICS. So you can pass it if you want. Other than that Nothing mentioned or very vaguely. If I missed something, please tell me. Tysm💕

Laying on her bed wide awake. Sleep left her a long time ago. She wasn't even trying to sleep. She was just trying to clear her mind for a bit. She has a long day ahead of her. A clear mind would help her get through. A wish that was near impossible.

She signed when her alarm went off for the second time. All her hopes to escape demolished. She sat on the bed, letting a few tears out, followed by a couple of sniffles. Crying was all she could do lately.

After her morning routine and getting ready, she prepared herself to face the outside world. She had been hiding in her room long, but it wasn't enough. She breathed heavily as she took her bag and pulled all her courage into opening the door and leaving.

She planned to avoid them all in the house, and for the first time in a while, her wish was granted. She moved quickly to the front door before anyone would notice her and try to talk. She is already dreading today enough.

"How was the camp, boys." She said loudly as she descended the stairs to where they are. If she's going to act, it might as well be an award winning performance.

As she closed the door, she gave herself a final second to embrace herself for the day. Starting with the biggest fake smile she could master. She turned around, and there they were, standing on her porch, talking nonsense while waiting for her. Maybe the smile wasn't so fake after all. She missed them.

"Terrible. Absolutely traumatizing." Said the blond smaller one

"Didn't expect anything different, Steve." She hugged the blond first as she reached them both. Steve let out noises of offence but hugged her back anyway. He missed her.

"I'm sure Barnes' experiences were different." She let go of the blond, turning her sight to the brunet standing right next to him. The one who had been causing mess in her head lately

"Not really. When you spend most of your time trying to save your best friend's life, it's not so fun." Bucky Barnes moved towards the girl wrapping his arms around her waist. She put her arms around his neck, pulling herself closer to him. For a moment, she wasn't hurting anymore. She wished she could stay here, protected by his arms, forever. She couldn't tell why, but the feeling of comfort and safety was so overwhelming that she almost broke down and told them everything. But decided against

She pulled away before he would notice she wanted to be held for a moment longer. Not knowing he would love that. He would love to keep holding her.

They took their usual route to the school, telling her about their camp and the activities they did. She avoided any questions about her week.

"It was nice. I stayed at home." It wasn't a lie. But it wasn't the truth either. It wasn't nice.

They reached the school. Steve and Bucky walked in, still talking, not noticing her shaking form. She disguised it quickly and followed them.

She can do this. She can go through the day. She kept encouraging herself all through the day. When they passed by a large group of people. When it got too loud at class. All stuff triggering, but she managed to survive without grabbing any attention.

The day was almost over. She was glad she was able to make it so far. And just as she was thinking, she was clear. It showed up right to her face.

"Hey, pretty." Leaning against her opened locker with the smug look on his face she very much wanted to punch off. There he was

"What do you want, Ethan?." She tried to put every bit of bravery she had into her voice. So he wouldn't know she is terrified.

"Just saying hi. Checking on you." He gave her what he thought was a charming smile, but it was disgusting in reality.

"I'm good." She said sharply as she closed her lockers so desperately trying to end this conversation.

"Ohh, baby. Don't be like this." The pet name never bothered her before. But after what happened, it almost sent her into a panic attack.

"I told your brother I would drop you off back home." Of course, her brother would do this. Before she could protest, he kept going

"You know we can catch up where we left." The blood drained from her face. Feeling the blood freeze in her body. Flashback rushing to her mind, and she can't stop them.

"No, thank you." Her brave façade fell as she moved away from him trying to get away.

"Oh, come on. It will be fun." She could almost feel her heartbeats through her shirt. She kept shaking her head saying no.

Ethan rolled his eyes at her. He grabbed her arm roughly to stop her from moving. The moment she felt his touch on her, she wanted to scream, shout, hit him, throw him off her. Yet not a single thing came out of her. Shock took over her body. Tears forming at the corner of her eyes. The only thing stopping her from breaking down is people surrounding them.

Before she could beg him to let her go and just leave her alone. She heard them

"Hey, Y/N. Ready to go." Steve's voice brought all the air back to her lungs. She looked around to find her two bestfriends approaching them.

"Yes. Let's go." She disguised the shakiness in her voice with a cough. Quickly taking her hands away from Ethan's grip the second it loosened a bit when he heard them approaching.

"But I thought we could go home together." It's clear Ethan wasn't going to stop.

"No, we have lots of stuff to do today." Bucky turned down the older boy.

While Ethan wasn't going to give up, he wasn't stupid. He knew the two boys were younger, but their reputation preceded them. The smaller boy, Steve, was known for trouble, and Barnes, Barnes is protective by nature. He will get what he wants. But not right.

Ethan gave the younger group a fake smile before leaving them. Not before throwing a wink at her way.

"What was this about?." Steve asked first. She just shook her head, trying to recover from what just happened so they wouldn't talk about it. Thankfully, they didn't.

.................................................................................................................

Days became weeks. Everybody was back to their daily routines. Everybody but her. She tried to convince herself that enough time passed, and She was fine now. She moved on. Lies, she kept saying in the hope of becoming reality.

Things were beginning to look suspicious for the two boys. While she acted normal. They could sense something was off. Especially with her brother's bestfriend, Ethan.

Ethan and Jack ,her brother, were bestfriends. It was no secret both bonded over being big jerks and rude teenage boys.

Bucky and Steve knew the truth about Y/N's house. It wasn't a good one. While her father wasn't so bad, he wasn't enough to make up for the bad. Her mother and her brother were the bane of her existence.

For whatever unknown reason, the mother favored her older boy bluntly and didn't hide her dislike for the younger girl. And Jack took full advantage of this fact.

So it wasn't abnormal to see Jack rudely making fun of her or bullying her, and it was normal when his bestfriend would join sometime.

But her reaction wasn't normal. She would usually reply with a sassy comment or a sarcastic remark. Now, she just waited for them to be done.

And it became more noticeable when Ethan's flirty one-linear was met with nothing but silent.

One of the jokes Ethan always played on her was that he had a crush on her. Something she always laughed about. Now, she just walks it off.

She was fully aware her two bestfriends were sensing something was wrong. However, she was still choosing to keep it all to herself. It's better that way. Maybe if I don't talk about it, then I will move on faster. Words kept repeating in her head.

Until one day, it all came down crashing.

Y/N was sitting on her bed reading the book she borrowed from Steve when she heard footsteps and boys' voices on the stairs close to her.

Past memories raced to her, making her clutch to her bed covers for dear life. No. Not again, please. She prayed in her mind

She let out a breath of relief when her door opened to show Bucky's and Steve's figures walking in. She greeted them, trying to recompose herself.

The trio were no strangers to showing up at each others houses unannounced. Even Bucky and Y/N, who claimed to hate others so much.

The boys kept talking within themselves and to her, but she couldn't concentrate. She was failing to push the memories back deep in her mind. Her friends' voices and faces blurring into a night she wanted to forget.

Only them calling out her name was able to get her back to them. She blinked fast and looked at them to see what they wanted.

"Have you heard anything we said?." Bucky asked with sarcasm fulling his voice. She turned her eyes to the ground, thinking of an excuse to give.

"You haven't been focusing lately." Bucky added still with sarcasm but to hide his real worry about the girl.

Before she could come up with a lie to cover up her lack of focus. Steve's statement was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"Maybe we should call Ethan. You only seem to focus when he is around." It was meant as a joke, but it opened all the unhealed wounds.

"NO NO NO. PLEASE, DON'T DO THIS." Words flow from her mouth before she can stop them.

"Please, no. I'm so sorry." Her sight was becoming blurry from her glossy eyes filled with tears. But she could make the concerned expression on the boys' faces

"Y/N, what's wrong ?." Steve asked, sitting on the bed next to her, but she flinched back. Something left the boys more concerned.

"Please, don't call Ethan. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, but please don't let him be around." Her mind was so clouded by the pain and trauma. She couldn't tell that her bestfriends would never do this. It was a joke. A stupid joke.

"Sweetie, please, calm down. I was joking. We would never. I'm sorry." Steve never thought the joke would set his bestfriend so off.

She started to come back to her sense. Remembering it's Steve and Bucky. She moved back to her place next to Steve, who raised his hand as a sign of asking if he could touch her. When she showed no protests, he started rubbing her arms slowly.

"Y/N, what's going on?." Bucky leant down to be in her eyesight. Worry was evident in his face and voice. Something is seriously wrong. More than he thought.

Looking between the both of them, She knew she couldn't hide it anymore. Hell broke loose.

"I told him to stop. I swear I did. I kept trying to push him off, but he wouldn't move. I kept saying no, and he didn't listen. He thought I was playing hard to get, but I wasn't. I didn't want to. When I told Jack, he slapped me and hit me. He told me Ethan would never do this and that I must have thrown myself at him. But I swear I didn't."

While her words weren't arranged and seemed to be running out of her mind, the boys could clearly understand what happened.

Tears started streaming down her face like falls. Words mixed with sobs as she kept trying to tell them. They listened carefully to every word leaving her mouth. They let her tell them all she wanted.

Once she was done, she was in a hysterical state. Bawling her eyes out with sobs escaping from her. Telling them what happened made her quit the denial. Something terrible happened to her. No matter how much she tried, she couldn't erase it. She had to find a way to live with it. To heal properly.

Steve couldn't help seeing her like this. He instinctively wrapped his arms around her, pulling her trembling form into him. She held into him for dear life as she was finally letting herself feel it all.

A few minutes passed, Silence filled the room as her crying ceased to stop. Steve looked down to find her asleep. He moved quietly to lay her on the bed and cover her with a fluffy blanket. Then he looked up to Bucky.

Bucky, who was standing still in his place since she started talking, he was hit with a sea of emotions he wasn't used to. He couldn't explain his feelings right now.

Bucky and Steve shared a silent conversation with each other. Both had lots on their mind but can only think of one thing.

Steve moved from the bed, careful not to wake her up. And went to lay on the couch, giving Bucky the other blanket that laid on the couch.

They didn't have much idea of what to do now but one thing they knew. She needed them.

Night went on. Sleep didn't reach Steve till very late, but it never did to Bucky. He was lying awake on the floor. He was used to taking the floor in their sleepovers.

Whenever he tried to close his eyes, all he could see was the image of her weeping in Steve's chest. Her terrified sobs ringing in his ears. Bucky thought he knew pain. But watching her breakdown like this was unbearable. He felt like something was burning within his body. Like a stone fell on his lungs and was suffocating him. It was a strange mix of rage, sadness, and regret

He felt responsible for what happened even if he had nothing to do with it. He should have been here. He should have never dragged Steve and made the both of them go. He should have paid more attention. He should have known she was suffering.

He looked through the window to find the stars lighting the dark sky. He always believed that a high power lies in the star. A power that grants wishes. So he made a wish. He wished for all her pain to disappear. And if the only way for this to happen was for him to take it all instead, he had no problem.

He turned his sight to her sleeping form. Despite being young, he knew what he was feeling for her wasn't a friendship. And most definitely, it wasn't hate. It was something way more.

..................................................................................................................

The next morning came in. Y/N woke up for her sleep. She didn't remember falling asleep, but her sleep was peaceful - for the first time in while -. She began to remember last night's events and signed quietly. She felt lighter after telling the boys, but she didn't know how to face them.

She sat on the bed, resting her back on the headboard. She smiled softly when she saw the thrown blanket on the floor and couch. She had a feeling they wouldn't have left.

Before she could get up to find them, the door to her room opened.

"Sorry. Did I wake you up?." Guilt filled Bucky's voice once he saw her up. She reassured him she was already up.

Silence fell between the two. However, it wasn't awkward. It was comforting of sorts

"Listen, Y/N. I don't know what to say. Or what I can do. Nothing would make me be able to understand this pain and hurt. " Bucky spoke as he moved to sit next to her on the bed.

"What I do know is I'm here for. Fully and completely. Whatever you need from me. I will be here. I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't tell me what happened. But I want you to know it wasn't your fault. Never was. Never will be. Nothing is wrong with. It's all his fault. If it was up to me, I would go and break his head and every bone in his body. I would make him regret his existence. But I know you don't want that. So I promise you he won't come near you ever again. Both of them. They won't hurt anymore. You will never have to go through something like this again. And you will get through this. I'm here now, and I will always be."

Bucky moved his fingers to wipe the tears that had fallen to her cheeks. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, burying her face in his neck. And the feelings she only felt with Bucky came rushing. The feeling of safety and security. The warmth filed her body once she was in his arms. She found herself seeking these emotions lately. From him.

He said everything she needed to hear but wasn't told. It wasn't her fault. Her bestfriends aren't going to leave her because of it. She can recover now.

Bucky tightened his hold around her when he felt her tears on his neck. He pressed soft kissed on her hair, whispering sweet nothings in her ears. How he wanted to stay like this forever.

She smiled within her tears. It felt good when she and Bucky weren't bricking. She could get used to it.

..........................................................................................................

It's been a couple of weeks since she told Bucky and Steve. And It's been nice so far. True to his words, She never saw Ethan again. Whenever he tried to approach her, Bucky would make sure he never actually reached her. For Jack, she also succeeded in avoiding him as much as possible.

Ethan figured she had told him, so he thought his chances would be at her house again. He was faced with disappointment when he would visit and find her two friends sitting with her. Or that she is spending the night at one of their places. They were using her parents' negligence to the fullest. Two birds, One Stone.

She was starting to feel better. Thanks to Bucky. Because he kept his promise. He was always here. He was understanding and compassionate. He knew it was a tough journey and didn't mind. He knew it was bumpy and she didn't know the way, so he became her companion. They were figuring it out. Together.

There Y/N was, smiling, walking back home after having her nails done. She hadn't taken care of herself in a while. So when she found out her family would be going out of town for the week, she knew now was the time.

Her dreams of having the house all for herself for some time was destroyed the second she stepped in. There were people everywhere chatting and talking. Older People.

"Hey, Sis." Jack's voice rang through the place as she turned around to see her brother standing at the kitchen.

"Jack, I thought you were going to leave with mum and dad." She tried to hide the tremble in her voice when she saw all his friends present as well.

"And miss having an empty house?. Who do you think I'm?." He laughed as he started playing music and giving out drinks she didn't know how he could get them.

She didn't care to know right now. All she was thinking about was the fact that Jack was throwing a party. And if Jack was throwing a party, that meant one thing.

"Hey, beautiful." She flinched fast when she felt his breath on her neck. She turned to see him with his usual evil smirk.

"Didn't see you for a while. I missed you." He said as he moved towards her like a predator to his prey.

"But I will show you how much I missed you." He said as he was standing right in front of her now, making her freeze in her place and can't move.

"How about you going up to your room?. I will stay here for a bit then I will join you." Her breath caught in her throat.

"You have been escaping me long enough. So be a good girl and wait for me in your room." She felt her blood run cold when his hand touched her cheek.

He gave her wink before moving to join his friends again. She let out the breath she was holding. She knew now wasn't the time to panic. She had to act fast.

She ran up fast to her room. She locked the door and sprinted to the phone in the corner. She dialed his number, waiting for him to pick up. After the third ring, his cheerful voice reached her ears.

"Bucky." She called out for him like the desperate drowning human she was.

"Doll, what's wrong?." His cheerful tone was quickly replaced with a worried one.

"Jack didn't leave with my parents, and he is throwing a party downstairs, and Ethan is here." She couldn't hold the tears anymore, letting them fall on her face.

"Doll, I need you to get out of there right now." Bucky didn't need her to say more to know what was going on.

"I can't. He already saw me and they are staying by the door." She started wiping the tears, but they wouldn't stop. She could sense the panic rising in.

"Okay. I need you to listen to me very carefully. Stay in your room. Lock the door and put a chair at it. Keep your window open and wait for me." She nodded her head at his words but spoke up when she realized he couldn't see her.

"I will be there very shortly." Bucky said before he hung up. And she believed him

She checked on her lock again and added the chair, then opened her window. Just like Bucky said. She sat on the floor under the window waiting for him.

Bucky ran faster than he had ever run in his life. He was a man on a mission. He had to get there. He promised her he wouldn't let anything happen to her. He promised himself.

He didn't catch his breath when he got to the house, but rather continued running till he reached the back of the house where her room is.

"Y/N." He called out for her. He tried not to make much noise, so nobody would notice him.

He realized she wasn't going to hear him with loud music playing. So he took the smallest rock he could find and threw it in her room.

Y/N was startled when the rock landed on her bedroom floor. She got up slowly and looked through the window.

"Bucky." She couldn't help the smile formed on her face at the sight of him. She was going to be alright.

"Y/N, I'm going to need you to jump." Her heart dropped at his words. Her room wasn't very high but she didn't know if she could.

As if Bucky could read her mind. " Doll, I promise I'm going to catch you. You will be okay." He reassured her. He would never let her get hurt.

She knew that was their only option, and she trusted Bucky. So she did.

She felt Bucky's arms steadying her to her feet on the ground, checking her. Instantly, He pulled her into him, keeping his grip firm but secure.

"You're okay. You're safe." Bucky kept repeating in her ears. She could finally breathe again.

......................................................................................................................

Their night dragged to be longer than both of them thought. After managing to escape her house, unseen. Bucky figured she was still shaken. So he took her to their favorite burger place

They ate their favorite burgers and cheered to a milkshake. They stayed until the place was about to close. Laughter and talks never stopping. Before she could think about it. Bucky walked both of them to his house.

Winnie and George welcomed her with open arms when Bucky told them she would be staying for a while. The adults loved the girl like their own, and they could easily see through their son. They knew how much he truly cared about her. More than he said or even knew then.

Leading her to the extra room they keep for their children's friends and borrowing something to wear from Rebecca. She was all settled for bed.

But as if he knew. She was having trouble sleeping. So he knocked on her door at 3AM, telling her he had a plan.

That is how they ended up now, sitting on the sand in front of the water watching the sunrise.

The sound of water crushing into the shore, the smell of salt, the feeling of warm sand, and the wind running free, the faint light of sun in the sky. It was relaxing.

Close to perfect. However, having Bucky next to her made it perfect.

All he had done lately was only pushing her to one end. A one she didn't ever think was possible. But she wasn't complaining anymore.

As they watched the sunrise, she found herself wishing to stay here forever. A peaceful moment. With Bucky.

Because nowadays, whenever she thought of anything good, Bucky is always there. He is her something good.

She turned to look at him but he was already looking at her. His sunrise. His most beautiful sight.

"Thank you, Bucky." She felt the need to say it. Not just for today. But for everything.

He smiled gently at her and leant to press a kiss to her forehead.

"I got you, doll" Bucky said softly

"Always." He added, looking at her with his blue eyes

She laid her head on his shoulder, holding his hand in her lap.

From that day on, she knew she was going be alright. Life was going to be okay. She would never be scared again. She was safe. She found her peace. She found a true home.

So in an honest peace offering, she ended the battle with herself with an epic win

She is in love with Bucky Barnes.

And him, he finally understood his feelings. He finally knew what it was.

Bucky Barnes is in love with Y/N

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