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binniesthighs · 3 years

Note

hi!! i rly liked your first writing it was so cute and you described jisung so well too! can i request a friends to lovers with han? kinda slow burn like they're really good friends but jisung gets jealous of her close friend and reader secretly likes him too but she doesnt wanna ruin the things between them so... one day they get into a fight and they end up making out😳 bc shes like "wtf we're friends" smut is ok but just a make out would be fine too the details r up to u💗

why yes you can! Thank you for requesting hehe you are my first ask ever ♡ I hope that you like it, here’s some best friend ‘sungie for ya :)

all yours | reader x jisung |

Paring: self-insert, female reader x han jisung

Genre: fluff ‘n a lil bit of smut & angst

Tags: student!reader, bestfriend!jisung, lab partner!felix (haha), friends to lovers, mutual pining, best friend au, college au, jealousy, slow-ish burn, mentions of exams, some yelling, reader is secretly whipped for jisung (and jisung for the reader), explicit language, marking, that good good makin’ out

Word count: 2.4k

“Hey!”

The little ball of paper that you had crinkled up bounced off Jisung’s arm with a soft pat.

“What happened to studying together? You said that you were gonna quiz me.”

Jisung’s eyes popped up from his phone screen looking a little bewildered. “Sorry, I just...got a little distracted.

“Distracted? Looking at what?”

“Oh, nothing.” He placed his phone down, clicking it off.

“Is “nothing” code for some girl’s Instagram?” You dished him out a teasing smirk. “I think you forget that I know you better than you know yourself sometimes.”

Jisung shuffled the papers in front of him pretending like he had something to do. “Psh. I was not.”

“--Does she go to school here?”

“I told you, I said no.” He furrowed his brow trying to look as serious as possible, but that was nearly impossible for someone as naturally adorable as him. “Why are you drilling me? Aren’t you supposed to be doing some work right now?”

“~So are you~” You teasingly sang back to him, giving him a kick under the table just for good measure.

Jisung threw your balled up paper ball back to you. “Let’s just get back to what we were doing so we can leave. I don’t wanna end up like him.”

He nodded over to the end of your table where a student had fallen asleep mid-chapter. His nose twitched and he snorted a little bit. You knew exactly what Jisung meant, you didn’t want to be at the library at 11pm on a Tuesday either; it was your better judgement that told you.

“Can we get food after this?” Jisung asked after approximately five minutes of “working.”

“Sounds good to me.” You quipped, barely allowing your eyes to leave your computer screen. You found that you always had to try you best to let him not distract you. He was really good at that.

You slid a stack of index cards in front of him. “Ask me these? I’m having a hard time getting the Latin names down...if you’re not busy?”

“Nope!” He piped, and shoved his notebook away.

“Okay!” He said with determination and a little bounce. He fixed his oversized hoodie before starting, looking adorably lost in the fabric.

He asked you the first question, but it barely met your ears. There you were, getting distracted by him again.

screw you Han Jisung, you thought to yourself.

☆。*。☆。

“I just don’t understand how you make sense of all that crap, I could never be a science major like you are.”

“--And I could never understand production like you do.”

“And this is why we work.” Jisung grinned with smiling eyes while he opened the library door for you. “I’m starving, I can’t stop thinking about--”

“--Y/n??” A voice called from behind the two of you.

The two of you whipped your heads back to see a loveable looking blonde and freckled boy bounding to catch up with you. It was Felix, your lab partner from zoology. The two of you were nothing more than classroom friends, but his friendly kindness was always something that brightened up your terrible 9 am lab.

“Felix!” You beamed, holding the door so it wouldn’t close on him. “Are you here studying for the exam as well?”

“Oh yeah, I just...my brain couldn’t take it any more,” He sarcastically mimed his head pains, “I just need to get some sleep now.”

“I just don’t get how they expect us to know all of those phyla like its nothing.”

“I know right?’ He chuckled.

Next to you, Jisung silently poked at the elevator button to go down.

“Is it alright if I head down with you guys?”

“Of course!” You motioned him in.

Once the doors had closed, the three of you found a different corner of the small box to plant yourselves in.

“shit-sorry, Felix, I didn’t introduce you, this is Jisung.”

“Hi!” Felix shone, and Jisung gave him a curt nod back.

Felix waved to two of you goodbye, leaving you in the nighttime snow. You noticed that as Felix walked away he had a little bounce to his step; and you couldn’t help but crack a little smile.

“Our usual?” Jisung asked you with a little edge to his voice.

You linked your arm around his, letting out a little shrill sound when the fabric of your two coat sleeves met. “Sounds good to me!” You nuzzled up into him while both of your bodies’ heat intermingled.

The two of you walked on under the streetlights which illuminated the falling flakes in streams of light. You never loosened your grip, as had become your habit lately when the two of you walked around. Jisung never seemed to mind; the two of you had been mistaken for a couple more than enough times thanks to it. When it did happen, it didn’t phase you at all. Being close to Jisung was like second nature to you.

The whole walk over Jisung never uttered a word, which was uncharacteristic of his usual boisterous self.

“Is everything okay?”

He sniffled, “Yeah, I think I just got kinda tired out of nowhere.”

“Ah.” You mouthed, and squeezed his arm a little harder.

After a moment’s silence, he somberly announced, “If you’re in the same class as him, maybe you should study with him.”

“Huh.” You tsked. “Yeah, I mean I never thought about that before...I guess that could do me some good.”

You looked slightly up to him: a product of him being slightly taller than you. His brown eyes remained stoic, and you couldn’t figure out why. You hated it when he wouldn’t tell you what was wrong, but he was also stubborn at letting up.

“But thank you for helping me tonight! You know that I reeealy appreciate it.” You turned your tone as cutesy as you could--Jisung hated it, but you knew that it could bring a smile to his face.

His gaze softened a bit. “Anytime. You’d do the same for me.”

☆。*。☆。

Jisung rested his head on your shoulder on the bus ride home with his phone weakly held in his hand. One more bump in the road and you knew that it would go flying so you carefully took it into your own lap where it would be safe. You wouldn’t dare moving an inch because you had a feeling that he had closed his eyes. Time had slipped past 1am, and you had to keep fighting yawns yourself. The bus driver had been blasting the heat, so it wasn’t hard at all for you to feel cozy.

You glanced down at his open hand in his lap. It looked exactly like he was beckoning for you to scoop it up in your own. You wondered what what happen if you did. What would he think of it? Would he think anything of it? You had held hands before, but every time you had it had been under purely platonic pretenses. If you just grabbed it now, what would the pretenses be then? The two of you cozied up on a bus: that was something that couples did.

You shut your eyes closed tightly and tried your best to banish all the thoughts clouding your head.

Jisung’s hand twitched, looking even more inviting.

screw you Han Jisung.

☆。*。☆。

[7:14pm]

jisung: you want to come over? Changbin is cooking and i don’t wanna eat whatever he’s making alone

[7:31pm]

me: sorry, I’m studying with Felix at the library, I think that we are gonna be here late. It’s all the Latin, I’m drowning in the Latin, Sung.

I’m sorry.

see you Friday once I’m out of this hell?

[7:34pm]

jisung: see you friday.

☆。*。☆。

You pounded on the door to Jisung’s apartment with your phone in hand, the white screen showing you the number that you had worked so hard for.

“Open the door!” You called giddily. “Jisung! I know that you’re in here, we need to celebrate! ~I can treat youuu~”

Just as you were about to knock again, the door swung open, revealing a wet haired Jisung in his grey sweats and tee. His brown strands of hair were scattered around his head while he rubbed at them with a towel.

“Shit! Can’t I shower?” He jested.

It took all your will power not to ogle him more. He looked devastatingly handsome, but you swallowed down how utterly flustered he had made you.

You cleared your throat, “Uh...sorry...” then remembered your phone in your hand. “I got a 96! Can you believe it! I’m even surprised too, when I was taking the test I just got so nervous...”

“All that studying paid off huh?” He cockily rose an eyebrow. “You can go ahead and thank me now, without my help...” He shrugged with a grin.

You invited yourself in and threw your bag down at the door like you usually did.

“Thank youuu” You sung. “Oh! And studying with Felix really paid off too.” You took off your shoes, thinking of how nice it had been to finally study with someone who knew your class topics. Not that Jisung wasn’t helpful, but you and Felix were on the same page. “He knew it all way more than I did, so he was super helpful. I forgot to text him--”

Jisung closed the door behind you with a slam that made you jump. He moved away from you, not meeting your eyes. The air around the two of you suddenly became thick with something that did not feel as excited as you just were.

“...do you wanna maybe watch a movie?” You moved closer. “Or we could get some deliv--”

“--Why even bother coming over here?” Jisung suddenly huffed.

“What?”

Jisung’s words flew out of his mouth sharply, “If he was so helpful? What are you doing here, huh?”

“Jisung, I don’t understand...” Your heartbeat quickened in your chest and you felt anxiety swell there as well. Jisung never spoke to you like this. He never sounded like this.

He growled out a little sound in frustration. “I-I just...can’t believe you--”

“--Me? Jisung, what did I do?” You threw your arms up, genuinely confused.

He ran his fingertips over his temples and let out a deep exhale. “Y/n, don’t pretend like you don’t know what you’re doing.”

Your temper started to become seething and you felt your ears get hot. “Tell me Jisung. Tell me what I did. And while you’re at it, what has been up with you these past few days? Being short with me, and distant, yeah-I’ve noticed...what are you doing??”

Jisung heaved breaths in and out of his chest, then ran a hand through his hair. He still couldn’t meet your eyes.

For a moment, a flash of panic surged in your head, making your heart ache with an unexpected pain. You truly didn’t know what he had meant, and if you had made a mistake, you knew it could mean loosing him. God, that was the last thing in the world you wanted. It always was.

“If I did something wrong tell me because clearly I don’t know!!” You yelled back at him, straining your throat.

He walked up to you, then grabbed your shoulders with a firm grip. Finally, you saw his eyes, brown and soft, holding a type of pain that you hadn’t seen in him before.

screw you, Han Jisung.

“Jisung, I--”

You were shoved by the shoulders in milliseconds to the door behind you, the impact nearly knocking the wind out of you. You gasped in your surprise, but your mouth was immediately shut by Jisung ramming his lips into yours. His hands needily took your face into his palms with his mouth blazing with hunger for you.

It took you a moment to realize what had just happened and steady yourself after being so startled. His lips were so soft and warm, your brain had a hard time recognizing that he was really doing this. His haste made no indication of stopping so you let yourself do what you had wanted to do for years: you kissed him back with everything that you had.

As soon as you did so, he let out little desperate moans between your lips in response. You let your arms wrap around his back and he fell into them just right. Naturally you took one of your hands to the back of his head and tangled up your fingers in his hair. God, it all felt so good. Jisung snaked his arms around your waist and pulled you into him with force, crashing your hips together.

The two of you clumsily made your way to the couch where he threw you down and crawled over top of you just as fast. He moved to your neck then traversed around your skin, sending shivers all through your body. Your hands eagerly found his back where you dug into him, wanting to be impossibly close. To your side, he carefully took your hand in his, weaving all of your fingers together.

Jisung pressed down into you and began to suck at your neck without holding himself back. It was such an intense feeling that couldn’t help but moan out something you didn’t know you could. You felt his mouth turn into a grin on your skin while he continued. It stung a little when he removed his lips, but he gently kissed each mark as if he was soothing it once he was done. He stopped to admire the little array of purple bruises he had made.

“I want you all to myself.” Jisung’s voice was hoarse, but still honey-covered in desire.

“What are we doing?” You asked him in breathless disbelief.

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long.” He whispered, and appeared to calm his breaths. “I don’t care.”

"You don’t?”

“Why should I?” He cocked his head and used his free hand to caress your face.

“--That this could change things between us?”

“You don’t want it too?” He looked a little confused.

You felt a warmth rush to your cheeks. “--No! I do, I do...trust me.”

“Then can I kiss you some more?” Jisung grinned down at you as loving as he always had, but this time it meant something slightly different.

“...please.”

He lowered back onto you, connecting your lips once more. Jisung’s tongue languidly smoothed onto yours and you already felt intoxicated by the feeling. You tightened your fingers around his.

I’ve always been yours.

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feverinfeveroutfic · 3 years

Text

chapter nine: the second skeleton

(if watching alex on his friday night live streams has taught me anything, it's that people are most themselves under two circumstances: late at night or when they're full of alcohol)

“Sam? Joey?”

Sam opened her eyes, and Marla and Dan lingered right over her and Joey. Her head spun a bit, and she realized she had been laying on a flat bed next to Joey without a pillow. She rubbed her eyes, while Joey groaned in his throat.

“What time is it?” she asked them.

“It's almost two o'clock in the morning,” Marla replied. “We got lost on the way back here.” She flashed Dan a dirty look.

“I told you we should've turned at that stoplight—we were about to get on the turnpike and head up to the heart of Boston otherwise. You should've listened to me.”

“I was,” she sneered, “otherwise, yes, we would've wound up in Boston. You should be thanking me for turning the car around in time.” She then rolled her eyes and she returned to Sam and Joey on the foldout bed. “Anyways—we got you guys some water and something to eat. Danny insisted on getting Joey something dry and salty to help with his stomach, so—”

She reached down to Joey's shoulder, and she gently shook him awake.

“Joey—Joey—” she gently said. He rolled his head over so some of his black curls covered part of his face. “Hey, Joey—”

“Joe?” Dan called out next to her.

“Joey,” Sam joined in, a soft whisper right into his ear. “Joey—”

“Mother—huh?” He never opened his eyes but he did raise his eyebrows for them.

“We got you some potato chips, dude,” Dan told him and he held the little bag of potato chips in question up before his face. Sam noticed him opening his eyes by just a mere slit and then he reached up for it for himself.

“And then for Miss Shelley,” Marla started, and she gave Sam a bottle of water and a small bag of trail mix.

“Something to keep me going for the night, I presume,” she cracked as she sat upright next to Joey. Her head spun a bit more from the contrast of laying flat on her back. She shook her head about a bit.

“You alright?” Marla asked her.

“I sat up too fast,” she replied as she unscrewed the bottle cap and took a swig of water. She then lay back down flat on her back next to Joey: he opened the bag of chips with two fingers and lay it upon his stomach so he could easily reach in there. Sam rubbed her brow: her head spun and her stomach turned.

“Ooh, god, I don't feel good,” she confessed.

“Well, I gotta go back to the room,” Marla told her. “I'm beat and I smell like an ashtray that was loaded up with booze at one point. You guys just want to stay around here for a bit and then I'll come and get you guys when it's light out again?”

“Sure, why not?”

“We'll get breakfast, too,” Dan added from behind her.

“Yeah, we'll get you guys some breakfast,” Marla said. “But you guys just hang out here—maybe take a walk. You're in Providence so—” She turned to Joey. “—it's not like being in upstate New York where the sidewalks roll up early on.”

“We can do anything we damn well please,” Joey muttered.

“Exactly! Alright, we'll see you guys in a little while.” Marla patted Sam's hand as it rested upon her unsettled stomach. She lowered her other hand to her right side, and away from Joey. Once Marla and Dan were out of the room, they just lay there in silence for a moment. The only sound came from the rest of the audience members out in the theater and a bit of chatter around the corner. Sam closed her eyes and she pictured Alex posted there with his little guitar upon his lap. She could see it in his eyes. There was something more to that boy than she believed, and yet he was afraid to show it to her.

“I wanna take a walk,” Joey spoke out of the blue. Sam rolled her head over for a look at the side of his face. “But not right now, anyways.”

“Just—eventually,” she followed along.

“Yeah, but I really just wanna lay here for a moment,” he confessed. “Just wanna be still for a moment.”

He reached into the chip bag rested upon his slender stomach and took out a few stiff, perfect chips, and he stuck them into his mouth.

“Oh, yeah,” he said with that hand up to his mouth. “They had the right idea in mind there with those.”

“Already feeling better?” she asked him.

“Oh, yeah, definitely.” He swallowed, and then he picked up the bag and showed it to her. “Want some?”

“Nah, I'm good,” she assured him, and she felt the trail mix next to her. He picked out a couple more but that crunching wasn't loud enough for the guitar outside of their room. It sounded like someone was struggling to play a backwards riff. Sam lifted her head for a look outside the door: no one there.

“That's not Danny,” Joey remarked with his mouth full.

“Scott maybe?” she wondered as she lay her head back down. He shook his head and swallowed that bite.

“No idea.”

“Whoa, what was that riff, Alex?” Greg hollered from across the floor.

“There's your answer,” Joey said in a low voice and with a raise of his eyebrows and a slight little gyration of his head.

“Huh?” Alex called out as he put his fingers across the guitar's neck.

“Yeah, play that again,” Eric commanded him, and Alex played it again. He struggled with it at first, but then he kept on strumming and messing with the fingering, and eventually he got a handle on it. Downwards and yet it seemed to flow. Bit of a bounce to it, even a swirl. Heavy and strong, just like Testament themselves, but there was a weird, almost dreamlike feel to it.

“What was that?” Eric asked him.

“Dunno, I heard it in a music store earlier before the wedding,” he confessed. “The dude in there told me it was from some band out of Seattle called Soundgarden. It's been stuck in my head since then. Forget what it's called, though.”

“Kinda cool sounding, though,” Sam remarked in a low voice, but Joey rolled his eyes and shoveled in more chips.

She frowned at that. On one hand, she wanted to be a friend to Joey and she wanted Alex to eat his words about him. But then again, she thought back to what she and Joey had talked about after the scuffle outside of the cafe in Syracuse. The fact Joey had such a grudge against Alex all because he supposedly asked him an innocuous question made her squirm in her spot. She picked up the bag of trail mix next to her and she opened it up for herself.

“Here, you want help with that?” Joey offered her over the voices outside of the room there.

“Nah, I got it.” She poured out a small handful of peanuts, raisins, chocolate chips, and little pretzels, and given she lay on her back still, she had to be careful not to spill all over herself. It was two o'clock in the morning following a day trip from New York City, a big steampunk wedding, and then a big concert, and yet she was wide awake and sick to her stomach.

“Lemme ask you sump'n,” he started again, and that time he pushed the bag of chips down towards the waist of his jeans and he folded his hands over his stomach.

She swallowed. “Go ahead.”

“Do you ever dream of the future?” he asked her.

“Of course. I dream of a number of things actually.”

“Well, I often dream of like—starting a family. Getting married and being in a nice place in upstate New York somewhere. I'm getting kinda old, I'm still not steady yet with the whole career thing, and my pants are always too tight, though—I dunno if I'll ever have kids, to be perfectly honest. I don't want a kid when I know I'm royally fucked up in the head. I'll just be like one of those people who owns a bunch of dogs and horses and lives out in the country 'cause I'm bit of a country boy. But I do like the idea of—pleasing, though.”

She looked over at the dreamy expression on his face as he gazed up at the ceiling overhead.

“I dream of a woman who can take care of me and I return the favor of loving her 'til the day I die.”

“That's so sweet,” she breathed. “You know, I dream of a mysterious man who tells me where to go next.”

“Oh, yeah?” Joey rolled his head over and knitted his eyebrows together at that.

“Yeah. He's kinda funny looking, though. But yeah—sometimes I'll see him when I'm at a crossroads in life and then I'll ask him where to go next. Marla's seen him in her dreams, too.”

“Huh.” He raised his eyebrows at that. “Marla's seen him, too?”

“Yeah. She told me it's a metaphor for guidance or something—it was during the Stormtroopers of Death tour so I can't really recall the full details.” She paused for a second. “God, I can't believe it's been two years since the Stormtroopers of Death tour. It almost feels like a fever dream at this point.”

“Same with my coming into Anthrax,” he added.

She moved the trail mix to her side and, careful not to push herself into him, she rolled over onto her side to alleviate the feeling in her stomach. Joey rolled his head over for a better look at her.

“May I ask you,” she started, “why do you even drink if you have dreams like that? Why do you do this to yourself?”

“Because it's there,” he confessed. “Like I said, Sam—I'm the outsider in the band. The upstate boy and the bachelor. Danny and Frankie are kind of like the closest things I have to friends there, but that's about it. Scott and Charlie don't talk to me much.”

“Have you tried?”

“Definitely. Without a doubt. But Scott's got his own problems to deal with and now there's the whole fallout from Charlie and Marla's break up that he's havin' to deal with now.”

“And now Scott's getting married,” Sam recalled in a soft voice.

“And now Scott's getting married,” Joey echoed. “I really don't have much of anyone to talk to otherwise, 'cause Danny's got a girl, too. And Frankie lives in the Bronx, up by you—it's not like I can visit him much, though.”

“What about your hockey buddies?” She nibbled on her bottom lip. “That guy at the wedding?”

“They're all either like that or they've moved on to the professional world. I tried getting back together with him, but—” He shook his head. “—guess not.”

“So the result is to drink?”

He shrugged his shoulders again. Meanwhile, outside the room, Alex and Greg's voices lowered down to whispers. The sound of bass strings caught their ear. Sam had the urge to run out there and chat with Greg, but she needed to keep her word to Marla, and she needed to fess up with Joey.

“Pretty much.”

“You should turn to art,” she suggested. “Become an artist, and you don't have to do that all the time.”

“I ain't no artist,” he insisted with a chuckle and a shake of his head.

“Marla told me earlier that expanding your horizons is the whole point of being an artist,” she recalled, “you're obviously a singer, and you're obviously a good singer to boot. You should play on that craft and you should soak your feet in something new.”

“I dunno—what if no one likes it?” he said.

“So what if no one likes it? I can say, 'dude, Joey Belladonna made this!' in your defense. It won't be much, but it'll be a start. We all need to start from somewhere.”

“True.”

“How about your drumming?” she continued. “Have you thought of doing more with that?”

“Oh, yeah. I've thought about bringin' up to Charlie, but he just seems so elusive at this point. Another dream of mine is to start a band of my own and just play for hours on end. Play the drums and sing at the same time like Phil Collins. Just drum like Charlie or Bill Ward and sing like Steve Perry. But the possibility of doing that is a whole other question altogether.”

“I don't think I understand you just yet, Joseph Bellardini,” she admitted, to which he shook his head.

“I don't think anyone does. My parents don't even understand me. You know, they're of the type where they don't believe in sex until marriage.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah, they tell me to find a girl and then settle down with her. But—” He shrugged his shoulders. “��I dunno, to be honest.”

“What do you mean, you don't know?” she asked him as she propped the side of her head up inside of her left hand. He eyed her figure, now filled out after two years of school. The voices outside of the room fell away and thus, they were left in silence.

“I don't know if I can handle myself before marriage,” he confessed in a low voice. “There's—a lot in there. And I don't really know how to put a handle on it.”

“Have you ever thought of—touching yourself?” she asked him.

“Touching myself?” He frowned at that.

“Yeah. Like—between the legs.”

And he smirked at that. “Well, yeah, I've touched myself there. I do have a digestive system after all.”

“No, I mean—” She wrinkled her nose at that. “I mean—for pleasure.”

He ran his tongue over his dark lips, and his deep brown eyes locked onto hers. As dark as night. As rich as venom. He then sighed through his nose.

“Hey, I've seen you naked,” she pointed out. “If I can see you naked, I can see you with your hand there.”

He then nibbled on his bottom lip again. Without another moment's hesitation, he took the bag of chips off of his stomach. Sam lay still as he unbuttoned his jeans. The flat wide silver bracelet on his right wrist glimmered under the ceiling lights.

“What's the story behind that bracelet?” she asked him. “Every time I see you, you're always wearing it.”

“I've worn this thing since I started playing in bands,” he told her. “It just feels right to me—bein' a lead singer and bein' the lead singer of a metal band no less.”

He then reached down the front of his jeans. She pursed her lips together as he raised his knees up closer to him.

“Are they out there?” he asked her in a near whisper.

“As far as I know, no.”

“Okay.”

His tight jeans relaxed around his hips and thighs. She watched his fingers caress over his own skin. She had only done it just herself not long ago, on both her own skin as well as his, and something in the back of her mind told her that that was where he liked it best. Indeed, he nibbled on his lip as he prodded himself with the pad of his thumb.

“Just like that,” she encouraged him in a low voice. “Just exactly like that.”

“I actually kinda like that,” he confessed as he stroked himself harder. He glanced over at her body. “You don't mind me lookin', do you?”

“Whatever works,” she said. “We're all about being comfortable with each other here.”

His brown eyes grazed over the slightly fuller hourglass shape of her body and he nibbled on his bottom lip again. Sam lay perfectly still as he touched himself right there next to her.

“I feel it coming,” he confessed.

“Would you like a napkin or something?”

“I think I saw some napkins over there by the door—” He nodded towards the doorway, and she rolled off of the bed with her head still spinning. But she persisted to the small stack of paper napkins on the table near the door, and she handed a few to him.

“Yeah—that's good—thank you.” He opened his legs a bit more so he could better clean up.

“You wanna take your pants off?” she asked him as she pressed her hands to her hips.

“Nah—I think I got it.”

She thought about what Marla had told her. She needed to come forth with him in her intentions with him, especially after what he had said to her. Once he had mopped up his mess, she moved the trail mix and the water bottle to the side and she lay back down on the bed next to him.

“I'm gonna keep you out of trouble, Joey,” she vowed as she put her arm around his chest. “You're a good boy. You don't need that shit in your life.”

He rolled his head over the edge of the bed for a better look over at her

“Well, I'm gonna tell you this right now, Sam I am—it's a long tour.”

She shook her head.

“It's alright,” she assured him. “I've got it covered. At least for the first month of it.”

“How so?”

“Emile promised me to cover the next month's rent. So I can come along with you guys on this tour.”

He showed her that notorious lopsided grin again. Sam gazed into his brown eyes, and she felt closer to him right then and there. She got to see him without clothes on more than one occasion, but now the second time was for a different reason. She thought about a touch on his chest, but she decided not to do that just yet.

“How your stomach feelin' by the way?” Joey asked her. “Maybe we can take a walk together. I feel I've released a little bit just now.”

“It's still a little queasy—we can lay here for the rest of the night if you'd like. A little cat nap and then we can walk around the place at sunrise.”

“Ooh, yeah! That sounds like a good idea.”

The voices outside of the room returned right then, and Joey reached down so as to refasten his jeans. Sam thought about their visit to her parents' house, and she realized that her mother never answered her question about how Joey resembled to that other man. Indeed, she started to wonder if that other man was someone she needed to know as she heard the guys from Testament searching for something important. Joey closed his eyes at the sounds of their voices, but Sam paid close attention to them.

“—hope we can hunt it down, though,” Chuck was saying.

“'Hunted Down'!” Alex declared. “'Hunted Down'! That's what it was called. The riff I was playing earlier.”

“God,” Joey muttered with a shake of his head.

“What?” Sam whispered to him.

He then opened his eyes. She could tell he was sleepy and the fact they were laying on a literal bed didn't help matters, either. “If I'm being perfectly honest, I really wanna leave that kid alone—but he's such a hot shot, though.”

“I don't think he is,” she confessed. “I think he's kinda like you, to be honest.”

“How so?” Joey looked disgusted at that.

“I dunno. But I just feel it, though. I feel like there's something there behind that cool demeanor...” She thought back to the encounter in Syracuse and the slight raise of those dark, deep set eyebrows at her. There was also that piece of rice paper in the bottom of her drawer back home. “Remember what I asked you that night in Syracuse? Why can't you be nice to him, especially after all you just told me?”

Joey didn't reply to that. Instead, he gazed up at the ceiling in silence. But Sam stayed there next to him to prove as a comfort to him. Within seconds, his eyelids drooped and he dozed off right there next to her, and complete with her arm around his chest. His slender little body was warm and delicate to the touch. She wanted him to stay that way forever.

She could feel her eyelids weighing down as well. It was late after all.

He never answered her, and he never did by the time they woke up from their little two hour nap.

#fanfic #fanfiction #anthrax fanfic #anthrax #joey belladonna #friendship #testament #testament band #chapter 9 #a skeleton in the closet #fever in fever out #fever in fever out fanfic #also on ao3 #also on wattpad #writing #text

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imma-lil-teapot · 4 years

Text

TMNT 2003/2k3 Headcanon: Crying - (Leonardo)

Feel free to scroll past this first part if you’re not interested in my silly rambling and nonsense. I won’t mind. Promise. ;)

Okey-dokey then, with the global epidemic that is the Coronavirus well in action and most of the world stuck in lockdown (starting this Friday for us too), felt like getting the ‘ol creative juices flowing with a little headcanon-y thingy in preparation for -possibly- more fandom writings to keep myself busy during the house arrest (well... it kinda is!) and hopefully my mind off all the bad news. :(

Also, this is totally my first one on the blog! WOOT! Please bear in mind that I’m SUPER rusty! Haven’t written in ages so there are bound to be typos and all matter of general errors scattered throughout the post. Don’t pet them! They bite!

Anyhoo~ Despite attempting to create and share with the goal in mind to uplift spirits, I decided to start on a rather upsetting subject (PLEASE DON’T LEAVE! They end on happy notes ;) ) because, Imma just come and say it, I enjoy seeing my favourite characters shed tears (not for just any old reason -their personality plays a huge role in this- and CERTAINLY not for sadistic reasons, land sakes no! But... well, you’ll see~ ;) ) It makes me all gooey and fuzzy inside to see them display such raw emotion and I just wanna leap into the TV screen to hug and console them. I dunno why. Maybe I’m nuts like that. (Remembers Raph crying at the farm when Leo was badly injured and wishes she could just hug them all and take away the pain) Oh well, if you enjoy visualizing the same, then *High Fives*. :)

So yeah, if you read the title, you’ll know this is based on the 2003/2k3 series (my favs). Hope you all enjoy~ :D Grab tissues cause sad turts ahead! :’(

Jibber jabber stops here~

TURTLES~

LEONARDO - You are here

RAPHAEL

DONATELLO - Coming soon

MICHELANGELO - Coming soon

WARNING(S): Because of the subject, Angst and Hurt/Comfort will be present.

RATING: G (General)

WORD COUNT: Don’t have the foggiest.

ANYTHING ELSE TO ADD:

And apparently gifs too, so without further ado: (Completely unintentional but in actuality, totally intentional rhyming)...

TO THE HEADCANONS~~~~

~LEONARDO~

-- It’s no easy feat to make the leader in blue turn on the waterworks. Leo won’t cry for any old reason. It’s not because he has no emotions, far from it, but being the leader of a small ninja clan -who happen to be family as well- is no easy task in itself: he has a lot on his young shoulders and deals with many issues on a daily basis few his age ever have to.

-- It’s because of these reasons that Leo doesn’t cry often. One of the lesser likely to out of the four brothers. But when he does, it’s an emotionally distressing sight to behold.

-- Leo tends to cry whenever those closest to him -namely his brothers, his father/master and truest friends- are severely injured or are in a dire situation. Remember his angry/moody arc? The thought of losing any of them causes him great pain and distress, especially if he were the cause of any of it, and when that happens, he can’t stop the dampness that forms around his eyes and soaks into his mask.

-- He’s not fond of crying, especially in front of others, even though he fully comprehends its normalcy. He feels he needs to be everyone’s rock, their fortress of physical and emotional stability to turn to for strength when things get rough... So when the tears start to fall, he feels he can’t show them, can’t allow them to watch him crumble under the gripling weight of helplessness and anguish.

-- He frantically wipes at his eyes and desperately attempts not to sniffle, but it’s a hopeless battle, for his tears are already a steady stream.

-- He’ll try to hide when possible, usually retreating to his room to allow the worst of the emotions to spill over before returning to the others... Though he may be in there a while: when Leo lets his emotions go, it can be just as powerful as his red-banded brother’s rage.

-- He spares no time in making sure the coast is clear for the tears are already streaming by the time he reaches his futon, and there’s no stopping them now as he lets himself drop to his knees, only halfway onto the mattress. He purposefully leaves the room unlit, cloaking his form in the darkness.

-- He sniffs a few times as he shuffles up against the wall, sitting upright against it, bringing his legs up and hugging them loosely and droops his head against a single knee pad.

-- His voice desperately wishes to escape. To express its misery. But he won’t allow it to, often placing one hand over his face in a bid to quell the sadness and remain silent in the battle against his own inner turmoil. He refuses to let anyone see him in that state of utter sorrow and vulnerability.

-- He whimpers ever so slightly and coughs a few times as breathing becomes difficult. He knows this episode won’t be over any time soon. Fortunately, he keeps some tissues next to his bed for such rare occasions and tries not to blow too loudly. He thinks back to the last time he cried so hard... It’s been a while. It felt like a build up.

-- Time has been forgotten as he’s lost in deep thought. By the time he slips a hand across his eyes, only the material of his mask is still slightly damp. He clears his nostrils a couple of times before considering whether he was ready to return to his family. He’d of course straighten up his bedding beforehand, and would also require a trip to the bathroom to wash his face. A true ninja leaves no evidence.

-- Leo tries to put the horrifying images out of head before leaving his quarters. He doesn’t wish to be weighed down again and thus maybe cause his emotions to come out a second time. He knew someone would catch on that time. Instead, he holds his head up high, focusing on the there and now to carry him forward.

BONUS EXTRA~

-- Failure is also one of his greatest foes. Leo despises it, but not in the irrational sense; he fully comprehends that in order to grow, one has to lose in order to learn and thus, succeed in turn, and while it can frustrate him when he’s unsuccessful at mastering a martial arts technique for example, he understanders it’s part of the process and that no one’s perfect.

-- It’s when his slipups could spell casualties or death to his family and/or friends is when it weighs down on him like a boulder strapped to his shell.

-- A really big one.

-- And it hurts. So much so that it causes him to become despondent and often teary-eyed when no one’s looking.

-- Boi Bloo might also cry from especially sad movie scenes. He gets seriously into the story, and when the scene is just right -perfect music, perfect timing etc.- you may just catch Fearless with watery eyes.

-- He can’t help it. After all, he’s a leader, and very caring and kind-hearted individual, so movies showing children or anyone/anything defenceless getting hurt has him not only visibly upset, but also angry at the cause. He’s a softie like that.

-- He won’t have a meltdown, of course, but the tears are definitely there. Just don’t tease him too much; he’s easily embarrassed by it. ;)

BONUS EXTRA EXTRA FEMALE READER OR S/O EDITION~ (Can also use an OC/FC insert if you wish, up to you)

You had figured something was up by the time you’d finished greeting everyone in the Splinterson household except for the Turtle you’d long to see most and he hadn’t made his presence yet known.

The idea that he must’ve been practicing or meditating swiftly vanished when Mikey told you he’d been in his room in the dark for the past few hours. “The guy hardly ever naps, and even so, never this long.” He’d told you. “I dunno, (Y/N), we were about to check on ‘im when you arrived, but maybe you should be the one to. Think he’d really appreciate it.” And there was absolutely no argument from your side as you were already making your way up to the room.

You didn’t know what to expect as you neared the doorway. Could he possibly still just be sleeping? Meditating in the dark instead of his usual spot by the training area? Or... was he sick? The latter now had you concerned and you picked up your pace... Only to pause mid step when an unmistakable sound reached your ears: a sniffle.

Had it come from within his room? It was the only logical explanation as everyone else was downstairs. You were truly perturbed now as you stood outside the doorway and called out the ‘eldest’ Turtle’s name.

There was some shuffling to be heard but you were unable to tell for sure what he was doing -probably trying to neaten up his bed- “(Y/N)? Just a second, okay?” he responded in a rather awkward verging on frantic tone, and you were certain you heard another sniffle escape him.

That, along with the way he’d replied really didn’t help to put your mind at ease. “Leo, are you alright?” Nor was the pitch blackness in which he remained concealed in.

“Yeah, just... l-looking for something.” There was some more shuffling as if to prove his point, but you were having none of it.

“Then maybe this,” you began, turning around to flick the light switch, “will help?”

“No! Wait!” But it was a split second too late for as soon the brightness illuminated the entire room, you had caught the telltale signs of an emotional meltdown in progress plastered on his face before he quickly turned away and briskly wiped an arm across his face, attempting to hide the shame... or perhaps embarrassment?

“Leo...?” your heart and voice softened, “Hey, what’s wrong?” You automatically walked to him, closing the gap he was now trying to form.

“Nothing,” he lied, and acknowledged it was a fruitless attempt but still couldn’t stop himself. Autopilot panic mode was enabled now. “It’s nothing.”

Unfortunately for him, autopilot mother hen mode was activated for you as you reached with both hands to his carapace and shoulder, gently turning him to face you. “I can see that it’s something.” Your words were gentle, and you wanted nothing more than to take away his pain. “Look at me, Honey.” His body was turned but his head remained to the side. It was clear he didn’t want his obvious distress on display, even to you. “Please, Leo?” You tried again, and slowly but surely, his eyes met yours, and you felt your heart sink further.

The fabric of his mask was wet and eyes were still red with fresh tears that threatened to fall. He appeared so broken and helpless as he stared at you, and even though he uttered no words, you could practically hear him despairingly ask “Is this what you wanted? To see me at my lowest?” from his expression alone.

Never had you witnessed the leader of this band of mutant brothers cry. At times you had wondered if he ever did, and yet here he was; the incredible pillar of strength and dignity you had come to know and adore, in tears and so dejected that you couldn’t stop your own eyes from becoming damp the more you gazed at him. “Oh, Sweety...” You whispered as you felt your soul shatter. It was too much to bear. You slowly wrapped your arms around him, one around the midsection and the other over his shoulder, and buried your face into his leathery neck, offering every ounce of comfort you could muster.

It didn’t take him long at all to sink into the embrace and return the action. Beyond the point of concerning himself with showing the pain he felt -or the wetness now soaking into your shoulder when he placed his forehead against it- he sniffed and finally allowed the tears to fall once again as fresh waves of emotion surged throughout his body.

And this time, he couldn’t keep the whimpering to himself.

“Shh~ It’s okay, it’s okay,” you soothed, lightly patting and rubbing along the scutes of his shell as he weakly sobbed, finally letting go of all the sadness that gripped him.

You weren’t even aware of what was wrong, and you most likely wouldn’t find out til later once he calmed down, but right now, he just needed you to hold him. Hold him until the hurt was gone... And so you would.

AND THAT’S ALL SHE WROTE!

ALL THE FEELS!! I EMBARRASS!!

OMGosh, this turned into a monster! The mother of all HCs!! :O No seriously, this wasn’t meant to be this long! I was suppose to squish all four into one itty bitty little post, but then it just grew... and grew... and GREW! Personally, I blame the Reader Bonus but I’d be damned if I didn’t enjoy writing it! ;P You guys here on Tumblr got me slightly addicted to them and have wanted to attempt some myself so... Anyhoo~ I can’t really say if I’m entirely content with the whole thing, I dunno. I feel some parts are better than others (writing style-wise) but yeah, I really need to get back into the swing of things...

Speaking of which, I DO plan on adding my two cents on the other bois as well, but judging by how this one turned out, they’ll most likely all be this length, more or less, so each Turt will get his own post so I can really jot down those details with all the freedom in the world! That being said, I can’t say when they’ll be added but hopefully soon-ish. :) Raph's next on the list!

Thank you all so much for the read and hope you enjoyed~ :D

~Drag0n Mistr3ss’ Random Fandoms*

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arthursclozapine · 5 years

Text

REALLY long story pt1

TW lots of smut, attempted suicide, murder,

Blood Brothers

I was ashamed of the state he had found me in. He was Arthur, and I was just some harlot that roamed the streets of Gotham for fun. I stood looking out into the river from a bridge, tears streaming down my face. My plan was simple, and I then laughed at how easily it was to contemplate suicide in this moment. I lurched forward, leaning myself on the bars, attempting to climb up and over.

“You shouldn’t do that.” I heard a voice say. I turned quickly to see who disturbed me. A painfully thin man, holding a paper bag.

“Why not? You don’t know me.” I called back to the man.

“I’ve been there. It isn’t worth it. My mother always told me to smile and put on a happy face.” He chuckled.

“Just....... just let me be. No one loves me. No one knows me.” I said tearfully.

“I know you now.” He put a hand on my shoulder, and my sentimental ass turned and sobbed into this stranger’s chest. He held onto me, pulling me closer.

“Life isn’t easy, it’s what you make it.”

“So do you just randomly have these inspirational quotes on lock or what?” I jest. I smiled up at him.

“My name is Arthur. I’m glad I saw you when I did.” He spoke.

“Avis.” I introduced, and then we shook hands. I looked at him funny. I let him take took me to a motel, and that was the beginning of my downward spiral. He unlocked the door, and I went to sit on the bed.

“So......?” I questioned him. He turned to me with a Swiss Army knife.

“Are you serious?” I scoffed. Arthur chuckled.

“Dead serious.” He muttered. I laugh nervously as he slit his wrist. My eyes widened.

“Why did you—“ I began as he did the same to me. The wound stung like a thousand bees just bit me.

“Arthur what the hell?” I ask as he brings our cuts together, clasping fingers together.

“Now we’re blood brothers.” He smiled madly. I scoff.

“Im a girl.” I say to him.

“A part of me will always live in you.”

“This is the craziest thing that has ever happened to

me.” I say with a gasp.

“Promise me you’ll never kill yourself.”

“Dude this is too deep, I just met you.” I stood, pulling away from his arm. Then, I felt it. I felt him inside my head.

“Promise.” His soul said.

“Okay! Okay I promise! Just get out of my head!” I cry.

“What do you mean?” He asks, further making me struggle differentiating reality and imagination. I take a look at my arm, putting a finger in the cut to part the skin.

“Arthur. What have you done?” I asked.

“I have just saved your life.” He said, pulling the sleeve of the cut arm down, and gathering his things.

“So what? Just gonna leave me here now?” I cried out to him as he left. I followed but it was as if he disappeared in the fog.

“Arthur? Arthur, damnit!” I yelled. I wondered if anything actually just happened. I look down at the cut. Still there. My breath was erratic, and kept pulsing.

“I am still right here.”

I looked around, looking for Arthur.

“I’m not crazy! I know I’m not........” the cut was fully healed into a pale scar.

“What the...... what the f*ck?!?!!” I exclaimed.

“Don’t worry little magpie, I’ll always be right here.” I hear the voice, and I imagine the smile.

“You’re the only one who ever noticed me, and you gotta just leave like that?” I felt bad.

“We may meet in passing one day. I’m glad there is someone like you that notices me.” He cooed.

“Might as well go sleep. I bought the motel for a few days, you can stay there until then.” Arthur informed.

“Thank you, Arthur. I mean it. I owe you one.” I close my arms for warmth, returning to the motel.

Sunday.

I lay lazily on the bed, wearing some nice lingerie some guy bought me........

Okay, okay, a patron bought for me.

*knock knock knock*

I sigh, going to open the door.

It was Arthur! I perked up!

“Hey dude! The real Arthur! What brings you here?” I ask, hugging him.

“What do you mean— Nevermind.” Was his retort. As I pull away, I notice his eyes scan my body, and he stifled a little bit.

“Ohhhhh! Arthur likey?” I playfully shake my core. I really owed him, why not this way? The way I knew best. He was kinda cute.......... wouldn’t mind laying him down.

“Yula, no, I just— I just wanted to give you this.” He says, fumbling in his pockets. I put a hand on his shoulder.

“Artie, no, I can’t accept. I owe you too much.” I nod. He stares at me for a moment.

“Really?” He asks.

“Really really. Why not come inside for a bit?” I purred at him, guiding him inside by his jacket lapels.

I playfully threw him onto the bed.

“Avis........” he said.

“Yeah, what?” I mumbled, biting my lip and looking at his.

“I—I don’t think I can...... I just—“ I interrupted him by kissing him on the mouth. When I was finished, I pull away, our eyes sharing a look for a moment.

“Don’t worry. I’ll give you what you like.” I promise.

“After all, what are friends for?” I joked. He then looks down at himself, and my eyes followed, seeing his trousers tight with his erection. We pulled off each other’s clothing, now focused on getting each other off.

After all was done and done, we lay naked on the bed together, one of Arthur’s hands holding a cigarette and the other holding my hand.

“You fuck really good, you know?” I complemented. He took a long drag and chuckles.

“Believe it or not, but you’re actually my first.” He reveals.

“Get out. Really? I was surprised. He was nice, sweet, funny. Lots of stamina....... How could you let him pass you by?

“I thought you’d be crawling with babes!” I joked, making him laugh. I reach for a drag, and he hands me his cigarette. I had a little smoke, and gave it back to him.

“Will you stay for awhile? I just, like, miss you or whatever.......” I admitted, making me blush. He looked at me with a warm smile.

“Maybe for a bit.” He looks at the clock on the wall for a longer state than usual.

“Is there another?” I ask, feeling weirdly jealous.

“N-no! I just have to take care of my mother.” He mumbled shyly.

“Yeah right.... it’s ok if there’s someone else..” I felt warm tears building up.

“I’m serious. I have to take care of her. I have to.” Arthur sighed. I sniffled, smiling.

“So you’re a mommy’s boy, or something?” I joke, blinking back the tears, touching his cheek softly. Arthur laughed.

“I guess I must be.” He smiled, moving my face to kiss again. Something felt so real, so homely with Arthur, even if we were in a motel at the moment.

“Oh yeah, look what I have for you.” Arthur got up, putting his cigarette out, getting a paper bag.

“You can use this, or get rid of it. You need it more than I do.” He tossed the bag toward me.

“Ooooooh! Goodies from Artie!” I happily exclaimed, until I saw what was inside. I brought out a gun?!?!!!

“Why? How did you get this?” I exclaim.

Arthur just laughs.

“Did you use it yet? How come you have this?” I felt a rumble in my tummy. Butterflies flew as I imagine Arthur killing.

“Arthur, you’re insane!”

“It takes one to know one, baby.”

We both shared a laugh, Arthur coming back to sit on the bedside. He watched me and helped me as I tried to figure out how to use the gun. Lots of laughs ensued.

“Arthur this is nice and all, but I think you should have it. I’m a shit aim. I don’t want any blood on my hands.” I confess. I would do anything for Arthur, but killing isn’t for me.

“Ok then........ I should go soon, it’s almost time for Murray!” He said, getting his clothes back on. I wrapped myself in a blanket.

“See you, Arthur. Have fun, don’t get lost.” I jested. He laughs as he leaves.

“Alone again.” I mumbled to myself.

Weeks pass, and he keeps paying for my room and visiting. You know what I’m talking about. Love is all that I had to give.

One night, I popped a serious question.

“Are we together, or something?” I mused to him. He looked at me for a long time.

“Like, boyfriend and girlfriend?” I moved closer to him.

“I think we’re more than that now.” He takes a drag of his cigarette.

“What’s that mean?” I ask, he takes me by my wrist, kinda hard. I flinch a bit.

“We are one. I’m in you, and you’re in me.” He mutters. I didn’t fear anyone other than him this time.

“Okay.....”

“Never forget that.” He chuckled. He sure changes moods fast....... something I admired about him.

There was no one like him. He was strong. Emotionally soft. I can’t deny the way he has me by my heart.

Friday evening.

“Can we go out on the town? Pretty please?” I asked. He smiled and nodded at me.

“Don’t worry, I have some really nice clothes here. I’ll look real fancy, just for you. Who do you want me to be?” I questioned, showing velvet, silk, and cashmere dresses in front of my form for him to see.

“I guess we could. That’d be lots of fun.” He said. I squealed with happiness and excitement.

“But, I don’t have anything nice to wear.” He face seemed down then.

“I’ve got the dough! I’ll take ya to a nice tailor, pick you up something dazzlin!”

“I couldn’t, Avis.”

“Please? For me?” I pout. He crooked his mouth, and shook his head.

“Only this once. I don’t feel right using your money.” He mutters.

“Yes! Cha-ching! We’ll be the hottest couple in Gotham!” I exclaimed. Arthur blushes.

“What’s the matter, you don’t agree?”

“Well, there’s also the fact that I’m me.” He looked sad.

“All the more to celebrate! Come on, let’s go! I’m starving!”

In a matter of time, Arthur donned a crimson red suit, and I matched in red velvet. We walked downtown, me holding onto his arm. We looked striking. We were immortal in this exact moment. As long as our blood flowed, we lived.

I was happy to be alive. With him. Anything and everything I wanted. He open fired on my heart. We entered a classy dark venue. On stage, a female crooner serenaded the audience.

🎶 Hide your heart from sight, lock your dreams at night

It could happen to you🎶

“Oh wow, this is nice!” I felt the velvet seats we sat on.

“Real, real classy, I can’t believe we could afford this.....” I admired, resting a hand on his thigh. He stifled a laugh.

“Wanna hear a joke? We can’t.” He laughed some more. Soon, we were being escorted out.

“Spineless bastard swine!!!! We hated it! Every second was as boring as the last!! And don’t get me started on the entertainment!” I spit at the guards.

“Let’s just get out of here.....” Arthur pulled me along.

“They can’t treat us like this!” I protest.

“Better get used to it, like I have.” Arthur walked ahead.

“Artie, I’m sorry. I just hate it. I’m sick and tired of being treated worse than the garbage on these wretched streets!” I chase after him, back to the hotel. He sprawled himself on the bed.

“Let me make it up to you, please?” I offer, crawling next to him.

“Nothing can redeem this evening.” He mutters.

“Are you sure? Like, really sure?” I tried to entice him.

He just lit a cigarette, and laid there, looking up at the ceiling. I felt his bulge, really stroked it, and made my way up to give him kisses. He struggled to maintain composure, finally breaking it by taking my face and kissing me rough. He sat upright quickly, throwing off the suit and helping me out of my fancy dress. I loved every moment. He let me ride him, both of us kissing and moaning loudly. Again we laid naked side by side, enjoying the afterwave of a raging climax. He lit up a cigarette. I moved over to him, hugging him. He turned toward me and hugged back.

“Arthur........ I love you.” I whispered. He laughs.

“Arthur! I’m being real! I really mean it!” I retort. He says and does nothing.

“I want to spend my life with you........” I admit. I knew what he was gonna say.

“I know, I know, we barely know each other, but I can’t deny the feeling of when we’re together. Home. I know it’s sounds really stupid and cheesy, but I’ve never felt this way with literally anyone before.” I looked into his eyes.

“Let’s get married. Start a family—” I mused as he shot a glare, which caught me completely off guard.

“No kids. Never. I won’t allow myself to let you down.” I didn’t know this Arthur. I suppress my fear, and wondered about the times I let him hit it raw. I wouldn’t dare say it to his face though.

“I just don’t know what I’d become.” He softened, moving hair from on my face.

“Darling, never mention this again. It hurts to imagine what would happen to me if....... you know.” He explained, stroking my cheek softly.

“Okay, okay. I won’t. It wasn’t exactly a dream to me, I just want to make you to stay.” I admit.

“We can never be apart. I’m alive inside you. As long as you breath, and live, I’m there, my love.”

My love

I kiss him on the mouth softly, feeling the sand start to fill my eyes. He lazily kisses me back, his heavy arms resting on my body. We cuddle and curled into a ball and let ourselves sleep. I prayed that this wasn’t a dream, and not sleep bringing us back to reality.

I woke up early, not moving anything but my eyes.

Arthur sat in the sun, still nude, listening to the radio quietly. How could I have gotten so........lucky? Blessed?

Glory filled my life ever since him.

I didn’t want to disturb him. I shifted a little and sighed, trying to seem asleep. I strained my ear to hear what he was listening.

🎶 We passed upon the stair

We spoke of was and when

Although I wasn't there

He said I was his friend🎶

Was that Bowie? I could kinda hear the voice. I gained the confidence to wake in front of him. I stretched, watching his every move.

“Hey, make some coffee will ya?” I greet. He turns with a soft smile on his face.

“I was thinking..... let’s do brunch?” He offers.

“Brunch on a Saturday? You’re a day early, daddy.” I quipped. He looked at me funny.

“What’d you call me?”

“Daddy. Why, you hate it?”

“No. Far from it.” He grinned that grin, the one which melts my panties off. I’m joking, but it also wasn’t exactly untrue.

We both get dressed, then out for brunch.

“Nice place. I like it. Nice vibes.” I comment as we walked into the iHop.

“What ya gonna have? Pancakes? Or what else? Oh, look, more pancakes.” I quipped.

“Look, if you want we could just lea—“

“I’m joking! Pancakes will make do!” I remarked.

We both just ordered what we first saw when we opened the menu.

“Nice. Banana split pancakes. Can’t wait.”

“I’m gonna go with....... hot cakes. With strawberries, please.” Arthur orders. The waitress wrote it down and left.

“Thanks.” He calls after the waitress.

“What a b*tch. I seen the way she looked at me.” I mumbled. Someone was losing a head today.

“What are you talking about? She probably looked like that to everyone here.”

“I want to go. Now.” I growled. Arthur sighed, a completely different sounding sigh than I was used to.

“Okay, okay.” Arthur obliges me. We get up, but I wasn’t very happy yet. We just happened to run into the b*tch herself.

“This is an ihop, not some fancy shmancy wine and dine, lighten up.” I retorted while Arthur was trying his best to drag me out without any conflict. We went out into the street.

“Avis. What the hell?” Arthur was genuinely pissed at me, I could tell. My eyes well up with tears and I felt my face contorting into a ugly crying mode.

“Babe, don’t cry. I’m sorry I just....... look, I’ll make it up to you.” He hugged me tightly.

“I guess you can’t take me anywhere now, I just cause trouble.” I mumble as we both walk down the street.

“My favourite kind of trouble, though.” Arthur smirked. He never fails to put a smile on my face when I’m sad and down.

“Arthur, you’re so good to me.” I say quietly to him, rubbing the scar overtop my clothes. He notices, and pats his scar back, smiling mischievously.

Our secret.

We walked and walked until we found a tiny cafe in the wall. They played Al Bowlly. This is what drew Arthur to stay for a bit. He went to the jukebox, waving me over. I came to him, and he put out his hand to dance.

🎶 Midnight brought us sweet romance

I know all my whole life through

I'll be remembering you

Whatever else I do🎶

We danced. When it was over, we danced some more.

Arthur lead me to a table in the corner, when suddenly—

“Here you two lovebirds are. On the house.” The elderly barista said, handing us cups of coffee.

“Why?” I ask, looking into the cup.

“Was refreshing to see people use that old junk of a jukebox! Enjoy!” The barista went back to cleaning the bar.

“Sweet! What are the odds of that, huh?”

“Lucky us.” Arthur mused.

“What’s up? You seem kind of sad.” I question.

“Lost my job a few days ago.” His voice was sullen.

“What?!?! Why?” I say with concern.

“Dropped this.” He places a gun on the table, a frown on his face. I gasped.

“Shit, Arthur...I felt my heart, and certain other regions ache. Arthur shook his head, smiling lightly at my enthusiasm. Or so I think.

“You don’t strike me as a criminal, Artie. Did you kill anybody?” I jest.

“No. Not yet.” He said,

“There’s only one thing left to do.” He pushes the gun to me.

“Me? What the hell? You want me to do what, kill you?” I inquired, hating that thought. He laughs.

“Don’t be silly. I’m going to kill my boss. Bastard deserves to rot in hell.” Arthur grimaced. I hated this look on him.

“Okay, okay. I’ll help.” I agree.

“Good little girl. I know his schedule, we will meet him in the parking lot across from my old workplace. We will proceed on Monday. Get your hopes up, there will be blood.”

Monday evening.

We donned our clown masks, wearing suspiciously neat clothing. We hid behind some cars as we waited.

“There he is!” Arthur pilled me up, and looked at the victim. An old dude who clearly had no idea he dressed too much for work in a clownery.

“Arthur? Bastard! You are the killer clown that’s on the

los—“ Arthur shout him in the throat. He laughed manically. I joined in.

“Your turn, honey! Finish for daddy!” Arthur yelled to me. No words could describe how turned on I was. I shot at the boss, in the stomach.

“The head! The bastard’s head!” Arthur was on his power trip now.

“I can’t. I told you I’m a shit aim!” I explain as he grabbed the gun from my hand and shot the boss through the temple. His blood pooled and brains scattered on the ground.

“Let’s get the hell out of here. Now.” He ordered, lighting up a cigarette. I blew a raspberry at the dead guy ask passed. We walked down the street, down a back alley, and found a barrel fire. We threw our plastic masks away. Now, we were heading home.

“I can’t believe I hadn’t noticed that you are the killer clown! You’re practically famous— well Infamous, I guess.” I marvelled.

“Keep it down, there are eyes and ears everywhere.”

“Shucks, sorry.” I apologise.

When we got in, I kissed him on the mouth.

“You don’t know how long I’ve waited to do this!” I purr, getting down on my knees. He looks down at me, automatically taking his trousers off. I took him in my mouth, stroking and sucking on him. He tosses his head back, groaning. I keep at it, happy I’ve pleased him in all ways than one.

(A/N: I do not know how dicks work so go easy on me pls)

He quickly finished, into my mouth. He didn’t last as long as he used to, or maybe I was just getting better at pleasing him? Only he knows. I then swallowed up his cum.

“Good girl.” Arthur strokes my head, lifting me up and putting me on the bed. It was strange how quickly our relationship turned kinky, but I really liked it. Really really.

“Anything for you, sir.” I coped at him. He squeezed my lips together with one hand.

“Anything?” He taunted.

“Yes, sir. Anything.” I gave him seductive eyes.

“Play with yourself. On the bed. Now.” He growled. I felt myself getting wetter. I sit, looking into his eyes without breaking contact, spreading for him. I put my fingers on my clit and rubbed. I imagined him in me. It wasn’t fair to have him here in the flesh and him not doing anything to satisfy us. Me.

“How does it feel, pumpkin?” He asked. I bit my lip.

“Really really good sir.” I remembered him aiming his gun and shooting his boss, and I was almost cumming.

I screamed his name as I finished, squirting on the bed. Arthur laughed slowly.

“Look at my messy girl!” Arthur remarks, as he sits next to me.

“Ready for round 2?” He asked as he stuck his fingers in me. I moaned so loud. I felt him pressing on my g-spot, and his thumb circling my overstimulated clit.

“Ah, fuck, Artie......” I said weakly.

“You like that, baby girl? You like it when daddy touches you? When you let him fuck your tight pussy?”

(A/N: SORRY if this is cringe I don’t know how to talk dirty lmao. Can you tell I’m a virgin lmaffffooo)

“More than anything in the world!” I exclaimed, gasping with pleasure. I look down at his groin, noticing he too was ready for round 2. He takes off his pants, wearing only his shirt.

He thrusts in and out of me, and I revel how good we fit together. How each stroke sent waves and waves of spasms throughout my body. It was so much. I ached and begged him to let me cum.

“Come one baby, cum for daddy.” He groaned, and as I came again. As he pulled out, some of his cum leaked out of me. I worried about getting knocked up. Arthur would leave me.

“Why such a serious face, Avis?” He questioned with a small smile. I couldn’t tell him. He would be so mad.........

“Just thinking. It’s nothing, really.” I smiled gleefully.

#joaquin phoenix #joaquin phoenix joker #joker 2019 #joker fanfic #joker fanfiction #arthur fleck

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revengeisalwaysanoption · 5 years

Text

[Skam Italia] Internal Monologues

So yeah, I was just saying 3 days ago that I didn’t feel like translating Nico’s POV from Italian to English, but today I changed my mind. To @skamsnake who wrote the most beautiful collection of pieces from Niccolò’s POV ever, to @crucios who makes me love Nico even more every time I read her posts and to @minttobe-treehill <3 Credit to @silenzio-assenzio for the headcanon, I blame this fic on her ;D

17th Semptember 2018 - 07:59 a.m. This year will be a blast. Yeah, right. This year will be slightly better than the last. Now, that’s more likely. This year we have only to get to the state exams without taking one too many sick days, to keep a high average so that mom can get off my back. We are not here to make friends. Mingling is okay. Preventing classmates from talking behind our back is cool too. Can we get more than that? Should we? We’ll see.

The closer they get to me, the more likely it will be that they start asking about what happened at Virgilio... But I don’t wanna talk about it. I didn’t even want to get out of bed this morning, to be honest, but if I knew that if I missed the first day then my parents would start talking about sending me to a private school again.

Okay, Niccolò, let's survive this day. Don’t start worrying about the next.

8th October 2018 - 1:04 p.m.

I’m so fucking bored. So, so bored. BOOOOOOORED. I can’t take this for 8 more months, I just can’t. The school itself is not that bad... I mean, I’m surrounded by tolerable people - apart from Covitti, who’s being a whiny bitch because he’s not the star student anymore? I don’t know what he’s got against me, really, and I don’t even care - and the teachers are decent enough, but... It’s like there’s no chance to get to know people better aside from those fleeting moments at recess. No opportunity to get rid of those fucking school-work interchange hours, either. No afterschool club in which, by sheer luck, I could run into that beautiful freckled boy. The one who is always surrounded by at least two other friends, who ain’t that bad themselves - especially the one with those baby blue eyes.

Dream on, Niccolò. Dream on. He must have better stuff do with his time...

... than spend it with the kids from drama club. Which might be awesome, but not the right fit for me. I already play the part of a sane individual everyday, so thanks but no thanks.

"Hey... Hello! Have you ever thought of hosting your own show on the radio? "

No, you never thought about it. Who the fuck is listening that radio, anyway? Nobody. But you’ve got plenty of time to kill and you’re looking for ways to make your days a bit more varied, right? It’s still better than cleaning toilets at McDonalds, isn’t it? Or than listening to Maddi drone on about her day at Uni. To have her remind you that had you followed her advice, had you taken your meds and went to see your therapist when you were supposed to... Then you wouldn’t be stuck at high school for another year.

It’s not she does it on purpose. She doesn’t say it out loud, but you can read between the lines.

When are we gonna dump her, by the way? The 4th of never seems like the perfect day to do just that. Who is gonna listen to us when we are feeling sorry for ourselves, who’s gonna tuck us in when too exhausted to get up? Who has always been there for us, Niccolò? You know who. Go and break her heart come on. I dare you to.

11th October 2018 - 5:43 p.m.

THERE HE IS HE. IS. HERE. OH FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK. COME UP WITH A PLAN. DO IT FAST, NICO. YOU’RE GOOD AT THINKING ON YOUR FEET, AIN’T YOU? Okay. First of all: don’t freak out. Then: you shouldn’t look at him, he cannot not know how desperate you’ve been to see him again. Let’s pretend he doesn’t exist and that we can’t feel that he’s staring at us. He doesn’t know that I’m paranoid enough to always think that people have nothing better to do than stare at me.. That I never really got over that intrusive thought, but that I learnt not to let it get to me and tell myself either ‘well, if they’re watching let’s give them a good show’ or ‘let’s bore them to death so they will move on”. I think I’ll go with the second, today. Don’t meet his eyes. Don’t stumble on the chairs, on the desks, and please don’t choke on the cake. Keep a modicum of dignity, please.

Greet the girls. Analyse with great interest the pattern of your plastic plate. Turn to the blackboard. Good, Nico. You’re doing great. Keep this cool and mysterious attitude... Let him come to you.

OI. OI. OIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII. NO. STOP THERE YOU. NOPE, NOT TALKING TO MYSELF NOW BUT TO THAT NICE GUY WHO STILL HASN’T GOT A NAME. You don’t you expect me to follow you around, do you? Or to sit in a dark room, listening to you fucking around and telling your imaginary audience how to grow weed in their closet. That's exactly why I'll do it. To turn this into something special. Something memorable.

I’m not even sure what this is. I out of my depth when I realize how easy it is to be around this guy, how I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not and put a fake smile on my lips and fill the awkward silences with inane chatter. For once in my life I’m not striving to impress, so I send a little prayer to myself: please, Niccolò, do not fuck everything up as usual by reading too much into this. Let's try to get to know him better. Let’s see if he’s really into you - maybe he’s just curious about the new guy, maybe it’s the first time an older boy talks to him... who knows? - and if there’s something we can work on.

Work on... and then what? There’s still Maddalena. Haven’t forgot about her, have you? No, I haven’t. Now, let’s not get ahear of ourselves. Nobody is daydreaming about making out with this lovely boy - you still do not know what’s his name: how hard can it be to ask, Colino? - on the school terrace. In the bathrooms. On the table, in the radio booth. Nobody is doing that. Nope. No day dreaming going on. At all. Zero. Zilch. Me and him are more than happy to share nothing more than longing looks and a cigarette, today. To forget about the world, for a minute.

And then, of course, the spell is broken. I’m not one to dislike people on principle alone, usually... but she just rubs me the wrong way. Perhaps it’s how comfortable she is with my fellow deserter, how she addresses him as though they have been friends for years... Do you know each other? Are you together? It’s really none of my business. I can tolerate her just because she gives me the opportunity to introduce myself, even if he has yet to do it. But, hey, you could get a clue and fucking understand when people are subtly telling you to get lost, couldn’t you, Emma? You don’t. Well, what could I expect from someone named Covitti, really? 16th October 2018 - 11:55 a.m. Do you wanna smoke? Yeah, why not. Let’s choose a random rendez-vous point to meet our newest ‘friend’ - one of the few you kinda like, in this shitty school - like... the balcony that overlooks IVB. Maybe you’ll get to see Marti. Marti would be Martino Rametta, from what you read on attendance records at the radio club... But you’re free to call him however you like in your head, so yeah, he’s ‘Marti’. Be cool, Niccolò. Walk like you own the place, like you know that you’re the finest guy everyone has ever laid their eyes on. Believe it, and maybe Marti will believe it too when he sees you. He might not, but just in case he might... Well, well... Look who’s there. And guess who has just totally been uncool and hit their teeth with that fucking cigarette, too distracted by a stream of ‘Ain’t I the man of your dreams, Martino? Look at me, come on, look look look LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!’ playing in their heads, to actually realize what they were doing? It could have been worse, I could have put it up my nose. And I made him smile! I’D CALL THAT A WIN, WOULDN’T YOU? I love to make him smile. Maybe I can ask to come over, someday - tomorrow? the day after tomorrow? it needs to be sooner rather than later, doesn’t it? - and make him smile even more? Maddalena! Stop acting as if she’s not in the picture, Niccolò! Why don’t you worry about making her smile, instead? She’d lose that ‘woe is me’ attitude she got lately, which is understandable given what you put her through in the last 3 years... and okay, why don’t you ask her out on Friday? You can go to the movies, have a double date with Matteo and Elisa - you don’t want to go out with her alone, and that should tell you something... shouldn’t it? Yeah... you know what it tells you? It’s: blah blah blah, fuck it all, as the Bard would say - and try to be the boyfriend she deserve, can’t you? Okay, now let's go back to Martino. Who’s been distracted by Sana, and that’s too bad. He’s gonna regret it as soon as he’ll turn to the window again and he won’t find anyone there anymore, for sure.

19th October 2018 - 2:22 p.m. Martino? What are you doing here? I am 100% sure I have never seen you take this bus to go home. And you aren’t following me. I would have noticed if you did. What is he watching on that smartphone? Has he got any texts from Covitti? How can that be more interesting than me?

Minding my own business is overrated, and I’m sick and tired of it. Since you weren’t raised in a barn, Niccolò, you know what you’ve got to do now. Greet him, trying not to get distracted by his eyes or his lips - a difficult but not impossible task - and lean over just enough to get a glimpse of his screen. Or be cheeky enough to blatantly look at it. Sana. Who isn’t giving him the answer he hoped for, it seems. Maybe I can help? And you’re giving me the perfect excuse to ask you to come over, aren’t you ,Marti? Of course I’m gonna advantage of it. When will I get another chance to find out what music you listen to, what books you read, to worship the sight of you chilling on my couch and think about how much I would like kneel at your feet and... No. Let's keep those fantasies for us, Nico. Don’t scare him off by going too fast. Let's enjoy this Friday afternoon together. Focus on your heart, so full and yet so light. Beating so heart that you it feels like it could burst out your chest any minute, now. I have never felt this way before, for anyone. Maddalena? Who’s that? 19th October 2018 - 7:30 p.m. Maddalena. Maddalena, yeah. I do remember her. Not that clearly, though. I want to tell Martino about her, but I don’t know how. It’s not like I can say 'Oh, I nearly forgot but there’s this girl I’ve been dating for the past three years. It’s nothing serious, really. Tell me you want me and I’ll dump her ass straight away, I swear.’ out of blue, when I am not even sure he does want me. I mean, I can tell that we’re flirting but am leading him on? Does he actually want this flirting to lead somewhere or we are just teasing each other for the sake of it? If I get up and kiss him, after I got rid of the taste of this shitty pasta - which I’m still proud of having cooked, because Marti seemed really amazed by my creativity in the kitchen! - by drinking some beer, can I be 100% sure that Martino won’t get up and leave? No. So why talk to him about Maddalena? There is no point in doing that. I'll find the right moment to...

Oh. Great. Seems like Maddalena herself found the right moment to show up and be introduced to Marti. Of course. You do rememember you are the one who asked her out, don’t you? No, you don’t because you were too busy trying to get the brightest smiles out of Martino and to feel good about making him feel so relaxed and cheerful. And I know it's a dick move to make out with her like that, right in front of front of his eyes. Without even telling him that I had a girlfriend in the first place... but you know what?

It’s good that he sees that I’m a shitty person, let’s not have him think otherwise. And let’s see what he’s gonna do next. If he’s gonna walk away for good, or if he’s still gonna be willing to give us a chance. Let’s wait and see. **************************** A/N: I know it’s quite confusing but I noticed that I never address myself as “I” when I have monologues, I shift between “you” (singular) or “we”, and sometimes I throw in some thought using the “I” as well... So I wanted to Niccolò to do the same ;D They’re not linear and a they are a bit hard to follow, sometimes, I know... they are thoughts, internal monologues as the title says, not really a narration.

#skam italia #niccolò fares #nicotino #translation of an Italian fic #my writing

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