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savemefromanepicoftimewasted · 6 months

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Secret Lovers

Simon "Ghost" Riley X F!Reader

Simon wasn’t someone who very willingly opened up to anyone, his teammates were no exception either, save for Price. It was always better to keep things quiet and let people assume what they pleased instead of trying to answer their questions. Better to remain mysterious than show your cards to the wrong person. a/n:this was originally started because of a snippet @thebeesatemyknees had written, thank you so much for letting me turn this into a full fic! I hope I was able to do it proper justice warnings:none, just tons of fluff Part 2

Simon wasn’t someone who very willingly opened up to anyone, his teammates were no exception either, save for Price. It was always better to keep things quiet and let people assume what they pleased instead of trying to answer their questions. Better to remain mysterious than show your cards to the wrong person. Johnny had badgered him from day one if he had a partner, going on and on about how much he loved his girlfriend. SImon wasn’t going to tell him anything, no matter what he’d keep his lips sealed.

Kyle was the next one to ask, though it was more in passing rather than a true and genuine question when he cornered the older man. They had been discussing mission details when the topic arose, did he have a next of kin? And if so, who would be the one to inform them if Ghost were to be KIA’d? He never asked Simon after that day, instead going on to different topics whether they had to do with the mission or what they wanted to eat. Kyle treated him like a friend, it was nice.

And John, well he knew all about Simon’s personal and very private life.

~~~

You were a new addition to the team, a medic that could stitch up a wound within a minute and get you back on the field within five. They were thankful to have you come around with them, helping stitch up a wound on Johnny’s arm, or cleaning up a gash on Kyle’s head. The only person who seemed to be a little wary around you was Simon, which both Johnny and Kyle felt odd. You fit in their group like the puzzle piece that was missing, and yet Simon acted as if he wanted nothing to do with you. Surely he’d warm up to you a little more, they were all sure of it.

“Thank you all for meeting me on such short notice. We’ve got word that an arms dealer is hosting a gala and we need to get more intel before we can swoop in.” Kate was a woman who took no shit and left no prisoners, she wasn’t going to risk this.

“Who do we want to send?” John was nervous, his men were trained for this, but putting them into a situation where they’d have to become someone else entirely? Nerve wracking.

“I was discussing it with Shepherd last night, and we’ve decided that Simon and Y/N will be going on this mission while the rest of you stake out the building.” All eyes suddenly shifted to Simon who looked calm as ever.

He’d forgone the mask for this mission briefing, knowing that only his teammates and Kate would be in the room with him. Knowing that you were going to be there made things a little more tense, could he handle something that dire?

“If you think that’s what’s best, I fully support the decision.” John wasn’t going to argue, Simon could be suave and charm the pants off of anyone if needed.

“Thank you, we’ll be heading out tomorrow and meeting up at the hotel. Promise me you’ll behave so no one suspects you, please.” Kate knew how much of a troublemaker that Johnny and Kyle could be, given the opportunity of course.

“I’ll make sure of it myself if need be, don’t you worry.” John smiled up at her, leaving Kate to wonder how much trouble there would be.

They would need to debrief you on the plane ride over, given that you weren’t even in the room with everyone. Having something like that just dumped on you with no time to prepare was the worst, how could they manage? Simon would just have John give you the rundown so he could worry about more important things, like how he’d have to act like the two of you were so desperately in love.

You would have an entire day to get comfortable in the hotel room, there would be a few people lingering so you’d get used to being stared at. Simon knew they’d mainly be staring at you, you were downright gorgeous. And with the clothes that had been picked out? A deep navy blue tux, with a pitch black button up and black silk tie. It perfectly matched the dress they’d picked out for you, a deep V down the front that left just enough to the imagination. The color matched his tux almost identically, the only difference was your dress was silk.

“They’ve packed everything for you to do your own hair and makeup, we don’t want you to stand out too much, better to blend in.” It was the smartest idea, if you or Simon were to attract too much attention things would end badly.

“Yeah, Kate told me as much as she could, I made sure to pack my best heels.” You were nervous, it’d been so long since you’d been able to go out to something fancy.

“Are you sure you can handle this?” John knew you were smart and quick witted, but something about this mission unnerved him.

“I’m positive, Simon and I will get the intel and get out before anyone even notices we’re missing.” You were confident everything would go smoothly, Simon could be silent if needed.

John nodded at you, settling back into his seat as the plan began to descend down onto the tarmac below. Simon was staring at you from across the way, palms sweating slightly as the time drew closer to getting inside the hotel. Johnny was going to see how nervous he was and make comments, he was sure of it. The sound of tires squealing brought everyone’s attention to high alert. It was time to grab your things and head to the cars, you were driving over with Simon, leaving the other three to their own car.

It was mainly to not raise any suspicion, if you were seen driving with any man that wasn’t your husband word would spread before you managed to make it to the party. You were absentmindedly playing with your ring, twirling the obnoxiously large diamond with your other fingers. It was a habit you picked up whenever you tended to wear jewelry, though it was much better than picking at your cuticles.

“You feeling alright hun?” Simon glanced over at you, though his own nerves were shot, he wanted you to feel comfortable.

“A little nervous, but that’s to be expected considering the circumstances.” You kept twirling the ring, glancing between Simon and the road ahead of you.

Simon took a quick breath and grabbed your hand, lacing your fingers together without skipping a beat or taking his eyes off the road. You couldn’t stop the smile that spread across your face, you had been waiting to see how long it took before he finally felt comfortable around you. You’d need to practice around everyone else if you were going to look natural around a bunch of strangers. Everything was going to be just fine, you were sure of it.

John had set up everything in the hotel room, along with hanging up your dress and Simon’s tux to help steam out any wrinkles if needed. So far there was nothing to worry about, save for Soap acting like a little shit and pranking Simon and Kyle for the most part. You’d all settled in, changing into comfortable clothes and ordering food so that you wouldn’t have to leave. Simon was cleaning up the kitchen so he could sit down and enjoy dinner with you.

“Do you need any help?” You walked over to him, pressing your hand against his lower back.

“Nah, just need to finish cleaning this plate and we can eat.” Simon smiled at you, leaning down to press a kiss to your cheek.

“Whatever you say.” You patted his back gently, heading over to the small kitchen table.

Johnny raised a brow at how you and Simon seemed to naturally work with one another, he didn’t want to raise any suspicion. Kyle on the other hand was ignoring him entirely, digging into his own meal and scrolling through his phone. Simon had finally finished, grabbing his plate of food and heading over to sit with you. He could faintly hear that you were both discussing the mission and going over your alias’ one last time.

“Simon, you need to wear your ring.” You’d gotten on his case the entire day, he kept taking it off complaining that it felt weird to wear it.

“I’ll wear it during the mission tomorrow.” Simon brough the fork to his mouth, focusing on his plate rather than your raised brow.

“You say that now, but when we end up leaving you’re going to forget it and then we’re going to have to drive all the way back because you won’t wear your ring.” You had put yours on right away, mainly because you were forgetful and didn’t want to end up forgetting it.

“Are you really going to make me wear the ring all night?” Simon’s expression would normally terrify a recruit, but you’d gotten used to it.

“If I want to make sure you have your ring on? Yes, I’m going to make you wear your ring until we get back on that plane and go back home.” You’d glue it on if need be, but Simon knew better than to disobey orders.

John chuckled to himself watching the two of you, it was a dynamic he hadn’t seen in quite a while and it was pretty funny to witness. Johnny on the other hand was now even more flabbergasted at the way you worked together. Why did you seem so comfortable arguing with a man who’d killed for less? This was something sinister and it unnerved him to no end, he’d get to the bottom of this.

You’d offered to clean up everyone’s dinner dishes, carefully cleaning any knives before laying them on a towel to be dried by Simon. He walked over to where you were, wrapping an arm around your waist to pull your bodies flush together. Johnny’s jaw dropped open as he slapped Kyle’s arm to get his attention. The playful bickering was one thing, but watching Simon the Ghost Riley be so affectionate?

“Damn, he’s a good actor.” Kyle watched the way you and Simon began to sway gently, giggling at something he’d whispered into your ear.

“Scarily good, didn’t think he had it in ‘em.” Johnny shook his head, turning back towards the computer in front of him.

It wasn’t until the sound of someone kissing caught their attention once more. Simon had dipped you, lips pressed against yours as his arms wrapped around your waist. Johnny’s jaw dropped wide open, well if you weren’t together already that was surely going to change. You pressed your hands against Simon’s chest, laughing happily as you stared up at him.

“Cap, do ya think Lt and the medic are gonna get together after all this?” Johnny had high hopes, no one gets kissed the way Simon kissed you and simply part ways.

“What’re you talking about?” John barely lifted his gaze from the screen, typing up the pre mission notes to help catch up on them before.

“Simon’s practically tonguing the medic! He’s gonna woo her.” He waggled his brows at the older man, cackling when John rolled his eyes.

“Oh, yeah that’s not gonna happen.” John’s attention focused back on the task at hand.

Johnny’s laughing abruptly halted, what the hell had he meant that Simon wasn’t going to woo the medic, it was obvious! Clearly John had no idea what he was talking about, Johnny could see the little twinkle in your eye from across the room.

“Gaz, am I wrong or do ye think Ghost and medic are gonna end up together?” He was determined to get someone to agree with him.

“Oh, if they don’t I’m asking for her number for him.” Kyle may have had a slight crush on you, not that he’d ever admit it.

John sat upright in his chair, focusing on Johnny and Kyle who thought they were being more subtle than they actually were.

“Have you ever looked at their name tag by chance?” John wanted to see if the other two would finally catch on.

Both Johnny and Kyle shook their heads, neither of them had a reason to over analyze your name tag when they had injuries to be taken care of. He sighed softly to himself before glancing over to you and Simon. You were laughing at some bad joke Simon had whispered to you, a bright smile on his face.

“Her last name is Riley.” John watched as realization dawned on their faces.

You’d been married this entire time and no one, besides Price, was none the wiser. How the hell had you managed to keep it hidden from everyone? Then again Simon wasn’t the most overly friendly or affectionate when it came to anyone. You were his wife though, that was different! Surely you could bring out a different side of him, something that no one usually got to…of course.

“Would’ve been nice to know at least.” Johnny shrugged off his disappointment, this was a big thing to keep hidden away.

“It wasn’t my place to tell, just remember that.” John wanted to respect your privacy, it was the least he could do considering your line of work.

Johnny and Kyle understood why Price hadn’t admitted to questions about your relationship, but knowing the truth? It felt good. They watched the way you and Simon danced to the music playing from your phone. Simon’s arms were wrapped around your waist, pressing kisses all over your face as you tried to squirm away. It was a side of their teammate they’d never thought to see, and no one outside of this hotel room would ever get to see it.

At least, not until after the mission of course.

tagging: @gaylemonshark

#simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon ghost x reader #simon riley x you #simon riley #ghost call of duty #ghost mw2 #simon riley fluff #simon riley fic #simon riley fanfic #john price #john soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick #kate laswell

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bingbongsupremacy · 4 months

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Baby

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader

Warnings: reader is able to get pregnant, pet names, argument, idk what else.

Summary: It's getting harder and harder to spend time with your husband and you have some really important news. (Pre-Outbreak)

*Not Proof Read* TLOU Masterlist

ABC List

*****

The room is silent, the only noise coming from our TV. Light bounces off of the walls, casting a small glow on the coffee table that moves.

I curl deeper into the couch, watching as the clock ticks by.

8:30....9:15....10:45....11:12...

Finally I hear keys jingling from the front door.

" You're still up? " Joel's voice is tired and raspy. He pulls off his boots, leaving them near the front door. " Is Sarah still up? "

I shake my head, rubbing my heavy eyes. " No. She's over at Gina's, down the street, for a sleepover. "

Joel wanders into the kitchen, pulling a can of beer out of the fridge. He takes a swig before heading towards the living room. For a moment, neither of us talks.

" You were supposed to be home at 6. " I glance over at the man. I take in his appearance. His eyes are dark from clear exhaustion. His shirt is covered in grime. It's obviously been a long day.

" I was. " He agrees, not saying anything more. He takes another sip of his beer. Condensation forms on the can, dripping down his hand.

His answer doesn't satisfy me. " Why weren't you? Why didn't you call? " I press.

This has been happening often. Every few days he stays out later than normal, most of the time, he 'forgets' to call.

Joel lets out a sigh, obvious frustration filling his expression. " I got caught up in my work. It wasn't supposed to go past 6, but stuff happens. You know that, babe. "

Irritation fills my body. " And you couldn't have bothered to, I don't know, check your watch and maybe call me? I was worried sick, Joel. I stayed up even though I have to be up at 6 for work tomorrow. " I push myself up, looking towards his face. Looking for something, something other than annoyance.

I was really hoping he'd be here at 6.

" I didn't ask you to do that. You could've gone to bed. Don't blame me for your decisions. I told you, I lost track of time. I don't have my phone on me when I'm working. " Joel's gaze meets mine.

Anger runs through my body. Usually I'm not this quick to anger but the hormones are driving me insane. The stress of unknowing along with Joel's careless attitude sends rage flowing through my body. " You really could give less of a shit about Sarah and me, huh? " I seethe, not thinking through my words.

Joel's eyes narrow. " What the fuck do you mean? " He starts getting defensive. " Of course I give a shit about you! I fucking work my ass off, for you two! " Joel's tone rises.

" Then why do you keep doing shit that makes us worry? " I exclaim. " You could have called at any point and it would've helped me feel better. I understand that you don't keep your phone on you while working, but is it really that hard to take a five minute break to call me? God-you need a break anyways! You'll fucking hurt yourself if you're constantly working. " My heart pounds. I stand up, trying to get some space between the man and I.

Joel stands up as well. His eyes burn into mine, sending a shiver of discomfort down my spine.

I hate when we get into arguments. My hormones and his exhaustion are mixing together to create a toxic cloud of anger and frustration.

" Like you'd even answer the fucking phone. " Joel rolls his eyes. " You've been so busy talking to your stupid fucking friends that it's nearly impossible to call you sometimes. "

He isn't wrong. I found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago, and I wanted-no I needed to tell someone. I wanted to make the announcement to Joel and Sarah important, something memorable. At the time, I just needed to tell someone else.

They've been there for me this entire time, helping me plan tonight. Helping me plan the dinner and gift for Joel.

A gift he never got to open and a dinner he never got to eat.

" Well I gotta talk to someone, Joel. You're never around anymore. " I snap.

" I'm working! " Joel lets out a breath.

" Your unbelievable. " I shake my head. I let out an angry laugh. " You know what, fuck this, Joel. You're not even listening to me. The point isn't that you're working late, it's that you don't bother to call home and tell me about it. I care about you, Joel. What-What if you got hurt? What if you got into a car crash or fucking died somehow? I'd have no idea because you don't bother to call me. All I want is one call, and that's too much to ask of you. " I push past the broad shouldered man. " Your dinner's in the fucking oven. It's your favorite. "

With that I storm upstairs, grateful Sarah wasn't here to witness the fight. I barely close the bedroom door before the tears start to flow.

Downstairs I hear Joel curse as he drops something on the ground. I lean against the door, doing my best to listen to the man below. His footsteps die off as he most likely settles onto the couch.

I just want him to call home.

_______

The next morning I leave before Joel wakes up. I send a quick text to Sarah, letting her know there's some food in the fridge.

My day seems to fly by. Piles of paperwork seem to disappear in minutes. Before I know it, it's time to head home.

An unsettled feeling wracks my stomach, surely not a good feeling for the baby. I'm still pissed at Joel. I just wish he understood where I'm coming from.

I unlock the front door and am immediately met with silence.

No one's home.

I let out a small sigh, walking towards the kitchen. My eyes widen in surprise when I spot Joel sitting at the kitchen table, a pair of small shoes in his hands.

He found the gift.

Of course he did, I left it on the dresser last night.

" Surprise. " I state while making my way to the fridge. " You're gonna be a daddy. Again. " My voice is unenthusiastic. Not the way I planned telling him at all.

" I'm so fucking sorry. " Joel blurts out. He runs his rough fingers over the small white laces, following the rhythm of the string. " I'm an asshole. "

" That you are. " I agree.

Joel finally looks up at me. His sad expression breaks my anger. Suddenly, I'm torn. Do I keep acting angry or do I feel bad for him?

" I deserve that. I-I shouldn't have yelled at you last night. Pregnant or not- You didn't deserve that. I took out my anger on you. I've...fuck I'll just tell you. I've been working late to try to make some extra money for us. I wanted to take you somewhere for our anniversary. "

I take a seat next to him, shock filling my body. I had no idea.

" You're right, I should've called you. That was a dick move. I...I don't know why I didn't. I guess I was just scared I'd be tired and I'll accidentally tell you something? It doesn't fucking matter now. "

" Oh Joel..."

He continues. " I'm sorry about dinner last night. I should've come home. " He finishes, finally setting the shoes down into the small gold box I put them in originally.

I don't say anything. I wrap my arms around the man, sinking my head into the crook of his warm neck. " Yes, you should've called, but I shouldn't have have been so aggressive. My emotions have just been all over the place. " My eyes begin to tear up. I feel a tightness in the back of my throat as I pull away from Joel. " I feel so much angrier than I usually do. "

Joel pulls me back into his embrace. " It's okay, honey. It's the baby. It's okay. " He tries to sooth me. " I love you so much, and I promise, I'm going to cut back my hours. "

" And you're gonna call, right? " I look up at him from my spot against his chest.

" Yes, I swear I'll call from now on. I have to, what if something happens to you and the baby. " He furrows his brows in worry. " I'll call you every hour. I promise. "

I let out a small laugh, wiping a tear away. " I think every few hours is okay, babe. "

" No every half hour. Who knows what could happen. Your office has steep stairs-we should see if the elevator there is fixed yet. " Joel mutters.

" Okay that might be a little overkill. " I crinkle my nose. " How about you just call when you're going to be late. Alright? "

" I can do that. "

#fanfiction #fanfic #joel miller x reader #joel miller #tlou fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #tlou fic #joel the last of us #the last of us fic #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #the last of us x reader #the last of us fanfic #the last of us

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ohtobeleah · 1 year

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First time Iris stays over the whole night with Jake, and he’s trying to figure out all the ways to make it happen again. Maybe he brings her breakfast in bed?

I feel like Jake & Iris experience a lot of first together. But especially the whole next morning after the first full night together after they become ‘exclusive’ I.R.I.S Masterlist Here.

Warnings: Smut! Jake Seresin x F!mitchell!reader. Undisclosed age gap.

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~**

After about a two hour debate, a solid rebuttal and a flawless conclusion as to why you should be let into the TopGun program again, Beau Simpson ultimately caved and gave you one final shot. He gave you one chance to prove that you could keep a lid on your temper, you’d admit that you knew you had to work on that. Guess hot headed egos ran in the family. But you made sure not to leave until you’d heard that Cyclone would take back the command he’d given to have your points pulled. He did, internal investigation be damned.

“The only reason I mouthed off in the first place was because you held a gun to my back, sir—“ You explained as Cyclone looked at you with an expressionless face. “You know I’m better than those guys, who my dad is shouldn’t mean shit—it’s not like he helped me get here?” You couldn’t have said anything more perfect, Cyclone raised a single brow your way, you were right. Pete Mitchell had never offered you a helping hand your entire career. “Fuck Bradshaw got more of a handout than I did! He’s a gold star! That’s nepotism too and Goose isn’t even around!” It was a dog shot, but in your case you needed every ounce of leverage.

“Okay, okay—I hear what you're saying, Lieutenant, I’ll expunge the record.” Tickled pink, you beamed, ecstatic you’d been able to plead your case and enter back into the program. “You Mitchell’s age me ten years every month I swear—“

“I still don’t think I should have to suppress myself because of what those idiots think of me. You would survive through this knowing one day your rage would truly be witnessed by the men who poisoned you with it in the first place. “But I’ll do it if that’ll appease them—“

“They’re a sensitive bunch I’ve noticed.” Cyclone smirked for a millisecond of time as you sat across from him at his desk—looking all kinds of like your father. Just a little scarier and a lot more unpredictable. “But it’s more to keep you in check than anything else, I’ll scratch your back and keep any allegations of nepotism off your back if you scratch mine and keep your nose clean and out of trouble, understood?”

It was game time. You were back in business and you were heading back to Jakes to celebrate such a victorious moment. Because fucking a superior officer didn’t correlate with keeping your nose clean and out of trouble did it?

“In abundance, Sir, you have my word.” But first? It was off to the Hard Deck.

***~***~***~***~***~***~

“I’mnothometonight—“ You practically said it without so much as a second in between words. It all came out against your dads cheek in one single moment as you kissed him goodbye and headed towards the front door with a bag full of stuff slung over your shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“Woah woah?” Pete frowned as he looked up from his book, perched on his favourite recliner enjoying a good cup of tea. He was in full relaxation mode. “Where are you off to?” You’d prepared for this moment, you knew there was a chance Mav would ask you where you were going. So you’d already come up with a cover story to get you out of the house.

“My friends in town, Lily? She got a hotel room up at the gorge.”

“You didn’t tell her she could just stay here?”

“What? And have you all up in my business?” You groaned. “I’m not sixteen anymore dad, I’m an adult—I’ve got my work gear with me so I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” Pete just looked at you over the top of his reading glasses, something was up, something was incredibly up here and he knew better than to trust your word. Why? Because you were his damn daughter.

“Alright well just don’t go crazy, you fly a multi million dollar fighter jet for a living—keep your wits about yourself on a Wednesday night, kid.” You couldn’t have rolled your eyes harder if you wanted to as you grabbed your keys from the key bowl near the front door.

“Bye dad, love ya guts.” You chuckled to yourself as you left, did you feel bad about lying to Mav? Not entirely. It was for his own good. The poor guy would have a heart attack if he knew what you were up to and who you were doing.

But did you feel any ounce of regret? No—because Jake Seresin was the perfect amount of thrill, the perfect high, the perfect rush to any thrill seeker. And you were addicted.

***~***~***~***~***~***~

Jake knew you were coming over so he did his best to freshen up the place. That’s not to say his house wasn't clean–because it was. But he lit a candle and fluffed the pillows on the lounge and spent a little longer than he would ever like to admit researching what was the correct way for toilet paper to roll. Over and under he still didn't know. He went under.

“I parked down the street–” You made sure to tell Jake as he opened the door for you. “Mav grilled me pretty hard when I told him I was heading out for the night so I thought it was probably a good idea.”

“Hi to you too Iris.” Jake chuckled as you walked on it.

“Hi Hangman–” You cooed. Turning on your heels as you dropped your bag off your shoulder.” You look. Good.”

“Oh I am good Iris–” Jake smirked wildly as he backed you up against the wall in the entryway. Leaning on the cream painted dividing wall with his hands on either side of you, trapping you there against him. “I'm very good, but I'm even better now that you’re here.” Jake maintained his gaze as you drank in the sight of him, dropping your hands to play at the waistband of his sweatpants. Exposing the elastic band of his boxer briefs. “It's good to see you.” It was a nod to Jake's declaration that he was officially seeing someone, Hangman was off the market and very much invested in the entanglement he had going on with none other than Pete Mitchell's incredibly hot headed and beautiful daughter.

“You just saw me when I demolished you at pool.”

“Ah, ah, correct yourself there Iris, you mean when I let you demolish me at pool.”

“Whatever you need to tell yourself to sleep at night there deadman–” Jake was the one who leaned in first, connecting his lips with yours in a fever dream kiss. His hands made quick work to cup your cheeks, spreading your legs further apart with his foot against yours. “Jake–” You moaned into his mouth as one of his hands came down to find its way into your sweat pants. Both wearing grey, just in different fonts.

“I wanna try something, but you gotta trust me.” Jake had a wicked glare in his eyes as he ducked his hand into your pants. The gentle motion he used to spread your lips apart and find the sweet, sweet spot that needed all his attention made you forget how to breathe. “Do you trust me Iris?” Jake asked as he slowly but surely worked the pads of two of his digits against your sensitive bundle of nerves. “Come on baby, tell me you trust me?”

“I trust you–” You sighed out, rolling your hips as Jake used his fingers to expertly guide you towards your first orgasm. You weren't there yet, you weren't even close. But you were going to be very soon if Jake kept going exactly how he was. “Fuck, yes, I trust you–”

It was all Jake needed as he pulled his hand out from your pants and scooped you up. With a gasp you wrapped your legs around Jake's waist as he connected his lips to your once more and walked you to the living room. His bedroom was too far away, he needed you now and the lounge would just have to do. As he dropped you down carefully, Jake stood over you. He said one word that made you soak your panties right through, but it wasn't like you were going to need them anyway.

“Strip–” You didn’t hesitate as you saluted your Lieutenant Commander almost seductively.

“Yes sir.”

In a needy and almost giddy fashion, both you and Jake stripped down, articles of clothing were discarded in not so respectable piles on the floor before Jake was hovering over you, his forearms on either side of your head as he kissed up and down the expanse of your next, leading down to your exposed chest to take you nipples in his mouth one by one.

“God your tits are perfect, you’re perfect baby.” Jake mumbled as he looked up at you looking down at him with your tit in his mouth. It was truly a sight that made you feral. “Now I'm usually one for foreplay, you know me, but we’re gonna do things a little differently tonight.” Jake stated a matter of factly as he sat back and pumped himself a few times, just thinking about what he was about to do. He needed to confirm his suspicion because the unknown was killing him. “I know you're ready for me though–” It was true, you were, and as Jake jerked himself off, you reached out to help guide him down between your legs.

“Need you, now.” Slowly, inch by inch, Jake buried himself inside you. Watching as your jaw slacked and your eye rolled as you stretched and welcomed him to the hilt. “Ohh yess–”

“Fuck you’re so perfect, such a perfect cunt Iris.'' Jake made sure to kiss the pulse point at the juncture of your neck as he throbbed away inside you. Staying still for a second before he began to rock his hips. “Holy shit so good–”

“Love your cock so fucking much–ahh!” It felt so good to be so full, but this wasn't what Jake needed to do. He needed to call someone, he needed to fuck you while he called someone to see if he had really formulated a connection, if the idea of really loosing every he had got him off to a new extreme. Jake had called it the Mitchell effect, and he was as deep inside it as he could get. “What are you doing?”

Jake reached out to the coffee table, not once slowly his thrust as he grabbed his phone.

“Shhh–” Jake manoeuvred the two of you into a different position, he made it all look so easy with strong arms encapsulating you and putting you wherever he wanted, wherever he needed you. Where he wanted you was on his lap, warming his cock as you slowly rode his shaft, still with a curious expression on your face as Jake pressed the name in his phone that sent your blood pressure skyrocketing when he turned the phone around to show you who he was calling.

Maverick:

“Oh my god! Jake no what are you—!” Within seconds of your heart sinking into your stomach Jake sat forward to press a palm against your mouth. With wide eyes and a soft moan you looked at him as if he were crazy. He was, he was crazy because he was with you.

“Shhh, don’t let daddy know you're riding me baby.” Jake's phone rang once, twice, three times on loud speaker. “You wouldn’t want Mav finding out his daughter is a little whore now would you?” It made your core tighten around Jake's cock as he thrust into you. Keeping a hand over your mouth and squishing your nose. “Would you?” Jake was waiting for you to give him a response, you nodded softly as the fourth ring rang out and your dads voice came through the phone.

“Hangman—“ Pete’s voice was gruff as he answered the phone. “What’s up man? Is everything okay?”

“Hey Mav—“ Jake replied as casually as he could as he fucked up into your tight little pussy, your arousal dripping down his shaft like to tomorrow as he kept a palm pressed harshly over your mouth. “Yeah nah everything’s good, I was just ringing to see if Iris had any luck with Cyclone today?” It was a question Jake could have asked you, it was a question he could have asked you at the Hard Deck even—or asked Pete! But he wanted to wait, wait until you were riding his cock. “I didn’t get a chance to catch you.”

Jake placed his phone down beside him on the lounge as he pulled you forward against his chest, reminding you to keep quiet before he pulled his hand away from your mouth. Mouthing a silent ‘keep quiet’ your way before he took your arms and wrapped them behind your back.

“Yeah, yeah she said he’s gonna give her another chance, so long as she keeps a lid on your attitude and doesn’t get into any mischief.” Mav laughed to himself all the while Jake placed his feet firmly on the ground as he held your hip with your hand and your forearms behind your back with the other and fucked up into you. Deep and harsh.

“Oh yeah that’s real good isn’t it.” Jake smirked as he buried himself inside you. “She’s a good kid man, didn’t deserve that—“

Against Jake shoulder you sunk your teeth into golden skin to stop yourself from singing out in utter euphoria. This was wrong, so fucking wrong yet you felt like every nerve ending in your body had been set alight. Jake could feel you tightening around him, your velvet walls took him in without mercy and threatened to keep his length hostage.

“She is, just do me a favour and don’t give her any special treatment?” Mav added. “People know you’re like family, just like Rooster, if she slips up you pull her up no questions no hesitation.”

“You have my word Mav, no special treatment for little miss Mitchell.” Jake could feel his orgasm barreling towards him as he let go of your arms and let you sit up. Gripping your hips as tight as he could as he lifted his own and fucked harder and deeper and faster into you as you threw your head back and cupped at your own mouth to stop yourself from screaming. “Anyway, I gotta go, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, Seeya tomorrow Jake, have a good night.” Mav signed off as Jake hung up with the single press of a button. The moment you knew the call was over you cried out into the heavens above.

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!!” You hissed as you and Jake toppled from the lounge to the floor. “Ahh god I’m gonna cum, fuck!!!” You cried as Jake fell on top of you. Wrapping you in his arms as he continued to fuck you with force. He was so close.

Damn—his suspension was true. He had formed a connection. Fuck.

“I’m so fucking close, I’m gonna fill this little cunt of yours baby.” Jake babbled to himself as he reached between the two of you, rubbing small circles around your throbbing bundle of nerves. “Cum for me Iris, cum with me, cum on my cock beautiful I know you want to.”

“Jake! Fuck yes yes don’t stop!” It was nearly overwhelming but you were there. You got there in the end and with a moan that could have only escaped from God's golden gates, you came as hard as you ever had as Jake spilled himself inside you. “Ahhhh god yes!!”

“Fuck my life I’m screwed—“ Jake sighed and he buried his head in your chest. Kissing along the curves of your swollen breasts. “I’m so fucking done for.”

“Jake?” You sighed, both panting heavily as you came down from your respective highs.

“Yeah babe?” Jake looked at you, with golden hair clinging to his forehead and sweat coating his body, making him glistening in the dim light of his living room.

“You have three seconds to get off me before I fucking kill you for that.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~

When you woke up in Jake’s bed to see he wasn't there, wrapped in the mess of tangled sheets next to you. Your heart sank for a brief second. The slight nervousness was quickly replaced by reassurance and the smell of bacon and eggs and what could only be the undeniable notes of burnt raisin toast. You weren't alone–Jake was just in the kitchen, cooking breakfast.

He’d never cooked breakfast for anyone the morning after, because you were the first woman he’d ever wanted to cook breakfast for the morning after and he wanted to do it over and over and over again.

“Mornin–” You mumbled as you rubbed your eyes and padded into the kitchen. One of Jake's crew neck jumpers had become your attire of choice. It smelt like him in all the best ways. Notes of creamy vanilla and aged bourbon from his time at the Hard Deck, fresh ripe pear and hints of beautiful freesia coated the fibres of the navy crew–his scent of choice for cologne.

“Hi–” Jake sent you a smile when he caught sight of you. Bed hair looking all kinds of messed up and unruly, no makeup–although you never really wore much to begin with. His jumper adorning your body just barely covering your ass. The sleeves were a little long on you which made it even easier for the fabric to just encompass you. “You sleep well?”

“You run hot like a furnace.'' Jake chuckled softly as you came to wrap your arms around his mid second from behind, pressing your cheek into the warmth of his exposed back. “But I quite liked it.” A comfortable silence fell between the two of you as the sound of bacon sizzling away in the frying pan babbled away. “You make enough for two?”

“I didn't know how you liked your eggs so I just guessed.” There was a soft hume creeping across the apples of Jake's cheeks as he felt you unwrap your arms from his mid second. “Hope over easy is alright, and there's coffee in the pot.”

“Man of my dreams.” You sighed as you padded over to the coffee pot, working to pour yourself some liquid energy into the mug Jake had gotten out for you. “You treat all hookups with this kinda bed and breakfast service?” There had been a definite shift in your dynamic with Jake recently. Things were becoming real, serious, all consuming and suddenly it wasn't just sex. There were feelings here, real and raw emotions the two of you didn't exactly know how to navigate.

But there was no harm in being honest.

“Uh, no–actually.” Jake turned to face you, a pair of tongs in his hand as the other came up to rub the back of his head nervously. “I actually haven't cooked breakfast for someone before, you know, after–”

“Oh.” You caught what Jake was trying to imply. “I'm uh, honoured then, I guess.” As you took a sip of the coffee you'd just poured yourself and held the warm mug in the palms of your hands. You sauntered back over to where Jake stood with his low hanging sweatpants and his morning wood bulging through. “I'm very honoured actually, so much so I might just go back to bed with this amazing coffee and settle back in and wait–”

“Wait for what exactly?” Jake questioned as he dipped down to take your lips hostage with his for a fleeting moment. Pulling you closer by the small of your back.

“For you to bring me breakfast in bed.” You smirked, walking two of your fingers up the expanse of Jake's chest. “I'm still a little tired from last night, Lieutenant Commander–” Jake felt his heart skip a beat as you kissed him, he felt his whole world shift when you swiped your tongue across his lip to gain access to his mouth. He let you in with ease as he followed your lead and deepened the kiss. Only to feel you pull away seconds later. “Breakfast in bed, you me?” It was an open invite for Jake to join you, the corners of his lips curled into a cheshire cat grin as he nodded.

You really had become someone of import to Jake. Your weren’t just Mavs daughter anymore. You weren’t just Mavs daughter that Jake was messing around with. You were exclusive, dating, you were officially unofficial because no one knew. So as you smiled up at Jake, wearing his crew neck in his kitchen drinking coffee from his mug? He thought maybe you were worth all the risks that came along with being with you.

Because being with you made Jake Seresin feel more alive than flying ever had.

“Give me five minutes and it's a date.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~

“Good Morning aviators, this is your captain speaking–” Maverick had somewhat coined this Basic fighter manoeuvres speech since he'd first done it with the dagger squad who were all now his friends and respected colleagues, some as it would turn out, were a hell of a lot closer to family than he thought. “Welcome to basic fighter manoeuvres–as briefed earlier, today's exercise is dogfighting.” If there was one thing about your dad you did admire, it was his ability to seamlessly and effortlessly get under your skin without even trying. “Guns only–no missiles.” He knew you were out for blood, he knew you were set on seeking revenge and this was his way of promptly and professionally telling you to pull your head in before he smacked it off your shoulders. “We do not go below the hard deck of five thousand feet, working as a team, you have to shoot me and Lieutenant Commander Seresin down, or else.”

“Or else what, Sir?” P:E smirked into the comms as you rolled your eyes. You knew, it was kinda a drag that you knew your dad like the back of your own hand. You were one in the same. You knew because well, if it was you in Pete Mitchell's shoes you'd be just as cocky, if not worse.

“Or else we shoot back–” Jake's voice came in hot and strong through the comms and the thought of taking him down a peg in such an exercise that could see you back in the game if you did had your whole pussy throbbing as your grip tightened around your throttle. “If we shoot either one of you down, you both lose.” Putting Jake Seresin in his place in the sky was your number one priority, especially after the stunt he pulled last night calling your dad.

“This guy needs an ego check.” Back on land in the rec room, Bradley Bradshaw had never experienced a case of deja vu harder in his life as Rebound rolled his eyes and puffed his chest. “We’ll see to that, won’t we boys?”

“Hangman, for a while there fellas, was the only aviator on active duty with a confirmed air to air kill.” Rooster didn't even look up from the written assessments he was grading on what it means to be a good TopGun pilot. He could tell right from the get go whose response he was reading before he even looked at the name. “He’ll be sure to make you work for it today, you can count on that.”

“Did anyone notice Iris was back in Normex this morning?” Lieutenant Davie ‘Trash’ White asked as he stuffed his face with a protein bar he’d just brought from the vending machine, he always needed something in his stomach before a flight. Something small and light and that would keep him full for a while because he wasn't gonna wanna eat for some time after landing. “Didn't take daddy dearest long at all to step in and pull the ‘But she's my daughter’ card on Cyclone.” Bradley's ears grew hot as he tried to mind his business. He couldn't help but to listen as the guys who all sat around waiting for their turn ragged on you. All taking turns obliterating your self worth, your value. “The fucks that about? I thought she quit the program after Hangman dragged her into Cyclones office for a double-teamed spanking?”

“She's wasting her time, as if the Admirals would allow a Mitchell to take TopGun, they barely let Mav himself back on sight after his stint.” Coen ‘Rebound” Rhodes smirked to himself as he flipped through one of the old aviation textbooks on the bookshelf. “I would've just taken the spanking.” Rooster, as professional as he was, was a prankster, a grade A shit stirrer just like his dad had been. He’d brought the nerf gun to piss of Coyote but in all honesty, the childrens toy that say in the bottom drawer of the study desk he was currently sitting at came in handy right about now as he pulled it out, loaded it silently and sent a single bullet flying into the middle of Coens big ass forehead. “Aye! What was that for?”

“I found out how you got your callsign the other day, just how the hell you ended up here really makes me question the state of the US Navy.” The group of aviators all chuckled and laughed at Braldey Bradshaw's comment that made Rebound go silent. “I’m sure you’re all aware of what Iris stands for, don't let her out of your sight because the second you do it's over for you lot and me and all the other guys around here don't need your poor performances to prove that she's already a shoo in for this, despite your ugly ass tactics to get her to bail on herself.”

“You know. I don’t think I like what you're insinuating there Rooster—“ Coen snarked as he stood his ground with his arms crossed over his chest. Fanboy was only just now coming in to gather the next group ready for preflight. “Sounds an awful lot like you're defending someone who you see as a sister to me?” Everyone went silent as Rebound thought he’d gained the upper hand, he hadn’t. There was an awful lot Bradley Bradshaw could put up with in life, but listening to people degrade his family, the small select few he had left, was not something he could tolerate in a professional or personal environment.

“You won’t like the foot that’ll go up your ass in three point five seconds if you don’t act your rank, Lieutenant.” Bradley fired another nerf bullet Rebounds way as he smirked and watched the sorry excuse of an aviator duck for cover. “Sit down and shut up before I report you for misconduct.”

“Ill take him off your hands, Rooster–” Mickey chuckled. “You too krod.” Spell it backwards and you'll understand why Levi ‘Krod’ Henderson was such a huge dork. “Up in twenty, on my time so move it or lose it lads.” Mickey sent Rooster a nod that asked if he was good. Bradley nodded back, explaining in a single motion that he was in fact, okay.

Just don't ask him to tell you that he knew for a fact Pete had pulled your name from the TopGun poll of potential candidates on at least three separate occasions because he knew that you'd get coined as the nepotism baby like no other person. Did Rooster agree with Mavs tactics, no– he didn't. But much like his own struggles with Mav pulling his papers for the Naval Academy, he grew to understand the motive behind his actions.

He just wanted to protect his daughter.

“What was that about?” Mickey asked as he walked over to where Bradley sat, watching as he stretched his arms above his head and let out a groan. Dropping his weapon in the process.

“Oh I don’t even know at this point, Iris has me all kinds of worked up as of late.” Bradley tried to shrug it off. “She doesn’t make it easy to defend her when she’s fucking around with Hangman and mouthing off to admrials and—“

“Woah woah woah, back up, Iris and Jake?” Mickey leaned over the desk Bradley was sitting at. “The hell are you talking about Rooster?” Bradley hadn’t even noticed what he’d said before it was too late to take it back. He looked at Fanboy like a deer caught in headlights.

Fuck.

“Fanboy you can’t tell a soul!” Rooster hissed as he stood, looking around the now empty rec room as he ran his hands through his hair. “Fucking hell and for the love of everything that’s good in this world don’t tell Mav!”

“Tell Mav what!? I don’t even know what you mean by Iris and Jake!” Mickey shouted through gritted teeth, he could already feel himself burning up. His Abuela would kill him if she knew he was harbouring secret scandals like this. “Are they sleeping together?”

“Worse—“ Bradley sighed. “They’re dating.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~**

#iris // jake seresin #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake seresin x y/n #jake x reader #jake hangman x reader #jake seresin x f!reader #jake seresin x you #jake seresin fanfiction #jake hangman seresin #jake seresin imagine #jake seresin fic

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be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie · 1 year

Text

Guys I am on the edge I am losing it. I haven’t written fanfiction since freshmen year of high school, since then I’ve said all my writing will be publishable. And yet I am mere seconds away from losing myself to a Sully family adopting Spider fic what is wrong with me. The chokehold this series has on me. Anyways here are some headcanons that have been giving me holes in my brain:

-All the Sully's constantly argue over who Spider likes best, especially Kiri and Lo'ak. "That's my best friend" "NO, that's my best friend." "I knew him first." "Well, that's not fair you were born first. I've known him my whole life." Then dark horses Tuk and Neteyam come in like "You'd be surprised to learn spider actually likes me best." For a while after Tuk was born the competition was HEAVILY in her favor and everyone was mad about it. Neteyam doesn’t participate unless he wants to annoy someone, but no one thinks he’s in the running as much as he actually is. Spider has no idea this competition exists and whoever tells him is instantly disqualified so he never will.

-This shit absolutely applies to Jake and Neytiri too if/when they officially adopt him. Which parent Spider likes best competition. Who can get him to call them mom/dad first wins. It’s absolutely RUTHLESS and everyone knows about it except Spider. I’m fairly certain Jake and Neytiri’s love language is borderline unhealthy competition. Bets are made, sabotage is attempted, Tonowari definitely tries to help his bestie Jake and whatever plan they come up with is dumb as hell, I don’t know what it is but it’s stupid. Ultimately, Neytiri wins. Jake is not sad about it actually.

-Tuk is every parents worst nightmare. Her siblings are so much older than her, she has been desensitized to everything. When Lo’ak and Kiri were Tuk’s age they were fighting over a toy, but Tuk is pretty sure she’s ready for an Ikran. She is the ringleader of all her friendgroups and she can manipulate anyone into anything. She was the youngest to do everything in her family just to keep up with her siblings, and that means she knows so much more than all her friends her age. She taught them all the swear words they know, and she definitely told every child in the clan how babies are made as soon as Lo’ak told her and they were ALL way too young to know.

-The entire clan is worried Jake and Neytiri will have another accident child. Only they were surprised by Tuk, no one else was.

-Neteyam confides in Spider in a way he can’t with his siblings. Not only are they the oldest, but I think he isn’t afraid to not be perfect in front of Spider (This is why Neteyam is Spider’s favorite jkjk). I think they have a lot of chill talks up on the mountains, or they go flying and Neteyam’s just like “What if I fail at the hunt tomorrow?” or some shit and Spiders like “Well, it would be about time, and then you would just try again.”

-Spider is Mo’at’s least problematic grandchild, and the one that annoys her the least consistently. Kiri is still her fav tho. There is no Mo’at’s fav competition because everyone knows Kiri would win, but sometimes Lo’ak says he’s her fav because their names are similar and then everyone calls him stupid.

-Speaking of Mo’at, I’m pretty sure her and Jake get drunk together at least once a month. I don’t know what they talk about but GOD I want to. Only Norm has ever been invited and that was like one time and it’s because he and Mo’at are secret besties.

-Spider gives the best advice ever, because of being the only human child on Pandora he has empathy for everyone. He’s the best person to go to if you did something wrong because he’s for sure done something worse. Unfortunately he is incapable of taking any advice himself, and he is def suicidal a lil. You cannot convince me that kid doesn’t wake up every day wanting to die a little bit.

-For a solid half a year certified dumbasses Lo’ak and Jake were pretty sure Rotxo was some sort of spirit from Eywa because they never met his parents and never saw him go home and he was always somehow around. They shared this theory with no one but each other, which is good because it’s dumb.

-I think once adopted, Spider is a mama’s boy. He craves physical attention and he has been raised essentially Na’vi in a way that Jake hasn’t. I think he would connect with Neytiri’s parenting style more, I think they’d do a lot of weird shit together that the other kids would rather die than help with, like cooking or mending shit. I think Spider would be literally delighted to help with boring household chores with his mother and that’s so mamas boy of him. He’s a “mother, do you need help with dinner, can I do the dishes so you can sit down?” kid while all the rest of them are gagging and calling him a suck up in the background.

-It comes to a head when he tries to help make lunch instead of going surfing with Lo’ak, Kiri, and Ao’nung, and they have to have an intervention. It’s very serious, everyone was there, Tsireya, Ao’nung, Rotxo obviously came because I’m convinced he doesn’t actually have a home. They treat Spider like a five year old going to his first day of preschool.

-Spider and Neytiri also both have experienced such immense loss, and it shaped them both so much at such a young age. I think the way they would talk about it would be similar, and it would be a connection discovered that wouldn’t be vocally acknowledged often but they would both have that. It’s a mutual understanding that the others can’t get as much that helps them get past any animosity and fear. It takes them longer to get to casual conversation actually.

-If Spider ever got an Avatar Mo’at would make them put off the full transfer until he was older 50% because of his safety and 90% because he’s forced to spend time with her every night when he goes back to his human body no matter where they are. She is vocally grumbling always about how her family never visits. He does not pretend to hate it.

-It started out because Spider wasn’t taking care of his human body well enough, for sure. He’s Jake coded. Mo’at was on Feed New Grandson For Daughter duty. But now it evolved and he’s popping out of the link after a long day of Spearfishing with the Boys (I believe this is Tonowari and Jake’s fav father/son + Rotxo bonding activity) and Mo’at is there with Norm and Spider’s dinner like “you will not believe what this idiot warrior did” and Norms like “Do tell” and Spider has his second dinner with the HOTTEST TEA in the Omaticaya camp that Norm and Mo’at can spill. And one time he’s like “Lo’ak fell off a tree today because he’s too used to the water now” and then when Lo’ak finds out about that he pushes Spider out of a tree (from a safe height).

-(He has to recount this tea the next morning to Jake, this is what he and Mo’at did when drinking, he pretends he wants to be up on current affairs in his former tribe but Jake Sully is a gossip whore and he isn’t hiding it well).

-No one else is interested in this but Lo’ak. He cares so much. It’s Spider spilling the hottest tea with so much disinterest (he only cares because it’s Mo’at and Norm) and Lo’ak and Jake like gasping and then pretending they didn’t.

-Obviously Kiri and Spider’s bond is insane and unbreakable but I think one time he stepped on a bug and she didn’t speak to him for the entire day. He probably has nightmares about that day. But also Lo’ak did the same thing once and she didn’t talk to him for a week so.

-I like to think the rest of the Omaticaya do love Spider cause he’s just that weird little guy that’s always like crouched on the rocks and in the trees and shit. I think he and the Sully’s do have other friends and do spend time with others, but Spider, Kiri, Lo’ak, and then later Tuk, all spend literally every waking moment together because they all can’t escape that little feeling that they don’t quite fit in.

-Tuk doesn’t feel this way she just wants to be there. Neteyam totally feels this way he just feels like he has to be responsible.

-Neteyam also spent every waking moment with them until he had Adult Business to attend to, like learning to be in charge. Now he just spends all his free time with them. His friends are probably like “Why do you want to spend all your time with your little siblings?” and he has Vietnam flashbacks to the 17 things that Lo’ak and Spider did that almost got them killed that week alone (but also he loves being with them all).

-When the Sully’s leave Mo’at is really sad but Norm visits her annoyingly for weird advice that he doesn’t actually need every day and she pretends to hate it but doesn’t because they are secret buddies.

-Idk if this even happens to Na’vi but Neteyam’s human dna finds a way and he goes prematurely grey for sure. Kids so stressed it’s a miracle he doesn’t go into cardiac arrest.

-Tonowari and Ronal literally don’t know where Rotxo comes from half the time. He’s just always there. One time when Ao’nung was a baby Tonowari turned around for like 15 seconds to stoke the fire and then there were two babies, Ao’nung and Rotxo, on the mat.

-Lo’ak doesn’t think things through. Spider has no self preservation skills. There is a difference. So when Lo’ak suggests a dumb thing Spider will probably do it first cause he has recognized and acknowledged the risks, he just doesn’t care, whereas Lo’ak hasn’t realized yet. So he’ll test it out for Lo’ak first. The amount of dumb shit Lo’ak did went way up when Spider was captured because his human test dummy wasn’t there.

-Once with the Metkayina, Spider and Lo’ak have found a kindred dumbass in Ao’nung (+ Rotxo). He’s never thought a single decision through in his entire life (neither has Rotxo, he’s just here to vibe). They are menaces.

-Unfortunately for everyone, Jake and Tonowari created them from their own very loins, and they too, are dumbasses. If the RDA ever leave them alone the amount of bad decisions the five of them (and Rotxo) will get up to will be astronomical. There’s at least one incident that gets Jake and Tonowari exiled from their respective marui for the night and they have an Adult Men sleepover on the beach that is like the most fun either of them ever had, but they pretend it was no fun at all when they come back.

-After that Tonowari replaces Mo’at as Jake’s monthly drinking/gossip buddy. Tonowari has never met most of the Omaticayans, but he could ruin lives with some of the info he has.

-This one might be out of left field, but I think every single Sully child has had a crush to varying degrees on Spider at some point. I think Spider has never even remotely fathomed that anyone on planet Pandora has ever or will ever like him, and if anyone ever did he might just die of shock. He thinks he’s dying a virgin, probably at a young age.

-Ronal and Neytiri go on pretending to hate each other long after they became friends just for fun. No one figured it out until Neytiri was the first choice babysitter for Ronal and Tonowari’s new baby for like the tenth time.

-If Spider ever beats anyone at anything he believes they let him win and literally nothing can change his mind. He’s convinced baby Tuk let him win in a foot race one time, and that Lo’ak fell out of a tree on purpose to let him win a climbing race. The most criminal one is his claim that Ao’nung got a hole in his net intentionally so all his fish escaped and Spider had more. The joke is that no one other than Neteyam or Tsireya would ever let him win.

-The amount of times a Sully child accidentally dislocated Spider’s arm trying to pull him somewhere is way higher than anyone wants to admit, but Spider can now relocate his arm on his own like a pro. His pain tolerance is way higher than anyone’s should be. Kid just braces that shit against a tree and pops it back in and everyone is horrified every time. The first time it happened in front of the Metkayina kids Ao’nung threw up and then Lo’ak laughed until he cried. Spider shouldn’t use that arm for at least the rest of the day but he used it to shove Lo’ak for Ao’nung.

-Spider loves babies, will stop, drop everything to watch any baby, because he knows how much Na’vi treasure children and he never feels more important then when he gets to watch a little kid because he was trusted to keep the kid safe.

-Lo’ak and Spider are equally matched at sparring because Spider knows where Lo’ak is ticklish.

-One time Kiri and Lo’ak had a sleepover with Spider at the lab. Norm pretended to hate it but then let them sleep in the room with Grace’s tank and also made them cookies. It was the best night of Spider’s life. Tuk was too little to go and threw the most massive fit ever about it so Neteyam stayed back to keep her company and he was Very Mature and Not At All Jealous about it.

-They brought him back a cookie, and then everyone was tired all day because literally no one slept except for Tuk. They all took a nap halfway through the day all in a little puppy pile and that was the real sleepover.

-Post sleepover, the amount of printed out images of human Jake Sully from video logs with like dumb things drawn on him that have made their way around camp is insane. Norm made the kids draw mustaches on him for sure. Jake can’t take a single solitary step without there being a picture of him with a dick for a nose on a tent pole. He was probably stressed about something and this was Lo’ak’s brilliant Cheer Up Dad plan. It was the worst plan ever, but for some unknown reason it worked, and Jake keeps cackling at them like a crazy person when he sees them. Retaliatory Norm pics are in the works, Jake got all the kids in on it this time. Tuk is really good at drawing pa’li shit on Norm’s head.

-Neteyam knows everything about everyone so when he gets in on teasing and jokes his are fucking crazy accurate and targeted, you’ll never recover. Tuk has picked this up from him and she has that little kid talent to destroy you.

-Every single time someone goes somewhere Spider says some shit like “I hope I see you again!” and everyone knows it’s not a joke and no one finds it funny but he can’t stop doing it.

-The pact that was born between Ao’nung and Lo’ak to impress their respective love interests is the Fight Club of all pacts, either would kill the other to keep it quiet and not feel even a little bad about it. Lo’ak teaches Ao’nung to climb trees to impress Neteyam and Ao’nung teaches Lo’ak to surf to impress Tsireya. Ao’nung eats shit so hard that Lo’ak almost literally dies laughing but then Ao’nung doesn’t warn him about rip currents so he can rescue Lo’ak in front of Neteyam like he’s in Baywatch, coming out of the water all dramatically and with a lil hair flip and then presenting him with his half murdered little brother like a gift.

-The Sully children have been divvying up who gets what of Jake’s stuff when he dies since Tuk was like four. Obviously, they will be devastated, but it’ll be a little less sad when Kiri gets Jake’s coolest knife and not Lo’ak, or Tuk gets his best arm band before Neteyam can call dibs even tho it won’t fit her. It was a lot funnier before the RDA came back.

-No one has ever dared to do this to Neytiri’s stuff.

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goodneighborxfallout · 1 year

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[Trigger Warning-Suicide] How would romanced male companions react to walking into A female Sole about to kill themselves?

Trigger warning!! Read at your own discretion. If you are thinking about committing suicide, please talk to someone you trust, call the suicide hotline of your country and/or go visit your doctor or a psychologist. If you want to talk to me about it, you are always welcome to send me a message.

Fact about suicide: Most people who are suicidal don't actually want to die, they just don't know how else to make it stop. Talk to someone, there are people who can help!

A/N: I don't think all characters would go for a careful approach (like Gage), so I wrote them the way I think they'd react, even if that might be the exact opposite of what a suicidal person needs at the moment. Please, keep in mind that this is fictional: even if I made the companions successful in talking down Sole, I myself don't know how best to approach someone who is suicidal so some/most/all of their reactions may not be effective or appropriate. Also, I am under no illusion that talking someone down from suicide is this easy or that it will always have the desired outcome, but again this is fictional.

Danse

Pre-BB: His soldier instincts will kick in. All he sees is someone about to die. His brain doesn’t yet recognize that you’re doing it to yourself, so he will forcefully stop you in order to save you, only fully realizing what’s going on once he sees your distraught face. He’ll look at you in shock, unable to get any words out. Then he’ll just move in closer and hug you tightly, letting you cry in his arms. He’ll bring you over to Cade whether you want to or not and stay with you the entire time, holding your hand.

Post BB: Panics. He will desperately try to talk you down from what you’re doing but he won’t approach you, scared that he’ll push you over the edge by doing so. He’ll cry and beg you not to do it, telling you that he needs you and suddenly an overwhelming feeling of guilt overcomes him. You’ve been piecing him together all this time while you yourself were struggling…

Deacon

Freezes. It takes him a few moments to just simply say your name, grabbing your attention.

“Sole, what are you doing?”

His heart is beating loudly in his chest, he’s terrified to say anything because he has no idea what might push you over the edge.

“I can’t do it anymore, Deacon,” you cry and it breaks his heart.

How had he never noticed that you were struggling? How was he so oblivious? With everything you’ve been through, it was to be expected, and yet… it had never once crossed his mind.

And now he’s panicking. “Look, I know I’m not the most sensitive guy, I-I’m not the right person to talk to about feelings and all that, but I’m here for you. You can talk to me, please talk to me…”

You hesitate for a few seconds, but you nod and break down in his arms. Deacon will try his hardest to comfort you during the next hours until you’ve fallen asleep, upon which he will immediately run to Carrington begging for help.

Gage

Gage will be scared, but he’s so used to hiding it behind anger and annoyance that he can’t help but do the same even during a sensitive situation like this.

“You better not go through with that,” he says almost threateningly. “You wanna commit suicide? You can still do that tomorrow, next week, or literally any other time! But if you do it now, you’ll never be able to see or talk to me again and you owe me an explanation if you’re gonna pull this shit on me!”

Miraculously, his speech guilts you enough to make you stop - which isn’t something he’s particularly proud of or anything, but hey at least it worked. He instantly has his arms around you and won’t let you out of his sight for days while simultaneously arranging for the gang leader of your choice to temporarily take over as Overboss so he can take you back to the Commonwealth and get you some help.

Hancock

Hancock has seen some stuff in Goodneighbor. It's a rough life and you aren't the first one to try and end things. That also means he’s seen multiple attempts by others to talk these people down, some of which failed. He isn’t going to take that chance with you.

He has his arms around you before you even knew he was there and he holds you tightly against him so you’re unable to do anything anymore.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he growls in your ear. He doesn't mean to sound angry, but much like Gage he was scared and too used to masking his fear. However, he instantly calms down once he hears you whimper and break down.

You cry apologies against his shoulder which he quickly hushes. “It’s okay, we’ll get you whatever help you need. Just don’t do this to me, sweetheart.”

MacCready

“Woah, hey! What the hell are you doing?!”

Mac grabs your arm in anger, spinning you around to him. That’s when he sees your tear-stained face. You start crying harder upon seeing his anger and literally break down. However, Mac quickly catches you and pulls you against him in shock.

“It’s okay,” he says, his anger already long gone. “It’s okay, just talk to me please. What happened?”

Mac will be worried sick about you and ask around everywhere for help. It doesn’t matter if he has to walk all the way to the Mojave with you, he will get you whatever help you need.

Nick

Nick feels instantly guilty when he stumbles upon you about to commit suicide. He’s always acknowledged your pain, but he also always kept the conversations about it short. He hid his own pain by focusing on helping others, and he now realizes he pushed you to do the same, even though you were really the one who needed help.

He says your name quietly, grabbing your attention. “Is there anything I can do to make things better for you?”

You can't answer that, because if you knew of a way to make things better, you wouldn’t be in this position right now. But the fact that he asks, that someone cares causes you to break down and you are unable to execute your plan at the moment. Nick takes this as his chance to take you in his arms. “Let’s go see doctor Sun.”

Preston

“Sole? What are you doing?”

Preston will be in tears just seeing what you are about to do. He’s told you about his own suicidal thoughts before, so why had you not trusted him enough to do the same? He has your back, do you not know that?

Seeing how badly he is hurting, you can’t go through with it at that moment, so instead you run to him and hide in his arms, crying. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t understand… Why? Why did you never tell me?”

X6-88

Another companion who will forcefully stop you. X6 doesn’t think he’s the right person for you to talk to about what you are going through, so he takes you back to the Institute without a word and drags you over to doctor Volkert.

You might think he’s mad at you, but in reality, he’s experiencing ‘panic’ for the first time in his life and it almost causes him to stop functioning altogether.

#fallout 4 #fallout reactions #fallout 4 companion react #fallout 4 reactions #fo4 reactions #fo4 companions react #fo4 companions #fo4 #danse #deacon #porter gage #gage #hancock #maccready #nick valentine #nick #preston garvey #preston #x6 88

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badbatchenthusiast · 9 days

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a little realisation i came to today, about living with and coming to terms with having a hidden disability, especially neurodiversity, trauma and/or mental illness:

for the last six months, i have struggled quite a lot. it’s a high-stress time in my life where everything i do counts towards major life decisions, and the main message i’m hearing from the people around me is that i need to give it my all, work as hard as possible, or i’ll regret the opportunities i’ve missed.

needless to say, i haven’t been sleeping particularly well. i’ll go to lessons and then work a 4 hour shift on two, maybe three hours sleep. i’ve been so anxious that knowing i believe i’ll be exhausted the next morning no matter how much i sleep, and the 9hrs i’m set to get by sleeping early won’t be enough still (because life is inherently overwhelming and overstimulating as an autistic person). this makes me stressed about how i’m not sleeping until it’s five in the morning and i can finally relax enough to doze. everything is being impacted; my attendance has been slipping, my tutor is involved. it’s felt like i’ve been getting worse and not better, like life is going to continue going downhill until things i used to find easy — falling asleep, organising my own schedule, keeping my studies balanced with work and a social life — are things i’m finding almost impossible and are taking great effort to maintain at a reasonable standard.

but here’s the thing.

i’m not getting worse.

it feels like i am, because new problems are arising that weren’t there before, but someone i owe a lot to pointed out today that a year or two ago, i would not have been able to express myself. they wouldn’t register as problem areas, i’d just push myself into collapse. i would’ve worked myself into a meltdown instead of walking to the support office and informing them i needed to go home, would’ve been in verbal shutdown or unresponsive or having a panic attack instead of being able to stim and breathe through the overwhelm. today i made a calculated decision, of leaving early instead of sticking out for the rest of the day and probably exhausting myself enough to not be in tomorrow or the day after. and that’s huge.

my autism isn’t ‘improving’ despite me having less of the massive meltdowns or shutdowns that got me diagnosed in the first place. i’m probably more visibly autistic than i’ve ever been. my anxiety hasn’t lessened despite no longer having regular panic attacks.

but i’m catching it earlier. i can identify what’s going on with me before it becomes a crisis, and i’m starting to have the skills to run interventions.

when people say progress isn’t linear, i think this is part of it. i’m not getting worse, i can just see the problem now and put a name to it. the analogy that came to mind was a building, which before i could only tell was fragile when it caved in, is now having the work put it to rebuild properly. but before you can have a nice foundation and solid walls there’ll be a lot of looking around, and realising the concrete is cracked to shit and nothing is reinforced and those spots you never paid attention to are in fact black mould which are eating at your walls. and these are realisations i was not having before because i didn’t know, i didn’t have the tools or the understanding to make sense of it.

my floors are no longer collapsing on me at random. it’s instead a constant series of little things, because i can tell when a pipes burst and deal with it before it floods everything and rots the floors. but this awareness brings with it the feeling that something is wrong all the time. that there are constant little fires to snuff — that things are getting worse, not better. that yes i know how to stop a broken pipe from leaking now but it doesn’t change the situation, which is that the entire system needs swapping out for less rusting parts. it’s easy to get lost in all of this and forget that actually, before, this would’ve been a build up to a crisis and now it’s something i can deal with before it snowballs.

learning to cope and accommodate myself after being told my entire life that i am going to be impressive, that i’m capable of being high achieving in anything i put my mind to, has been rough. i was never going to succeed at the life other people talked about for me; i’m simply not able to work that hard without hurting myself, and honestly i think few people are even without a disability. i don’t want to live life for other people, i want to build something im proud of, for me, designed to make me feel good and comfortable and succeed in a way that makes sense for my ambitions and needs. and both are important; success isn’t out of the picture, i just need to rethink it so it includes being happy and coping with what i find difficult. i won’t lie, it has been a process of mourning someone who never existed, who i never could’ve been. i still resent sometimes the fact that i can’t go back to masking so much no one notices my symptoms.

but i’m improving. steadily and tangibly. it takes work, and at some point it’ll definitely feel like leaving the unstable building in place was preferable to the deconstruction because recreating it all with a healthy and sturdy foundation seems impossible, but it just takes time. you replace one brick at a time.

it gets better, i promise, even if it’s hard to believe. any step forward is progress, no matter how small, until you look back and realise you’ve come an unimaginably long way forward.

#personal #being autistic #autistic student #autistic #actually autistic #actually neurodivergent #this has been a little personal epiphany i wanted to share #and put out there so i could come back to #progress isn’t linear #but i promise it is progress

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shipmistress9 · 6 months

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How To Make It Fit

No picture today because there's none that would capture this chapter that tumblr would allow me to post. 🤣

Fandom: Fourth Wing - The Empyrean

Pairing: Violet/Liam/Xaden - Violiaden

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Continuation of Part of our "Us". Liam followed Xaden's and Violet's invitation to join them for a threesome. He's not so sure Violet can actually take both his and Xaden's cock at the same time, but if it's what she wants... He surely won't go and tell her what she can or can't do.

AN: This picks exactly up where the previous short about them ended. The feedback I got after the first part about these three was amazing, thank you all so much! I was nervous about how people would react to this ship, and I'm so happy to see I'm not the only one who thinks they'd make a lovely triad. 🥰

Also, I'll leave it to you what this title means. 😌

@kinktober2023 and on AO3

. o O o .

Violet

Xaden always complains that I’ll be the death of him one day, but I actually think it’s the other way around. One day, I’ll die from the pleasure he lets my body endure. And it’ll be a very happy death.

Relentlessly, he swipes his tongue along my slit, pushing inside me, and the unbearably sweet pleasure makes me moan. Even though I just came two times, on Liam’s cock and tongue, I can already feel my next orgasm building, my muscles tensing in anticipation. Sometimes, my ability to come so many times in a row feels more like a curse than a blessing, especially with how perfectly Xaden can push all my buttons. Beneath his hands—and mouth and cock and just about every fucking part of his body—I’m helpless, can’t do anything but give in to the inevitable pleasure.

I’m going to be so sore tomorrow…

But maybe, I can repay him at least a bit tonight. The position I’m in, sitting on his face and with my head resting on his pelvis, is perfect. Grinning to myself, I reach for his cock, hot and flushed resting right next to my face, and lick away the white pearl of pre-come at its tip. Xaden moans when I take him into my mouth, the sound vibrating against my clit, and maybe this is going to turn on me pretty quickly, given how much I enjoy sucking him off. But at least I can take him with me then. Hopefully.

“Oh, shit,” a deep voice growls next to me.

My entire body tenses with another wave of arousal as I remember. We’re having an audience. More than that, actually. From the corner of my eye, I glance at Liam, his lips glistening wet and parted where he’s watching me. His hand is around his cock, already hardening too after fucking me not so long ago, and that sight makes me feel a bit better. Apparently, I’m not the only one with an insatiable desire here.

Well, we’d meant to give him a show, didn’t we? So maybe, it’s time to get started with that.

Keeping my gaze on Liam, I wrap my lips around Xaden’s girth more firmly and sink down a bit further, taking him deeper. His eyes widen, and he gasps, just as Xaden groans when I whirl my tongue around his tip. Oh, this is brilliant.

I never enjoyed being the centre of attention, always tried to blend in with the background at any larger gathering my mother dragged me to. But this is different. Here, with both Liam’s and Xaden’s attention fully focused on me alone, I feel a rush I’ve never known before. What I do affects them, proven by the wanton groans they both let out as I keep working Xaden’s cock, and it gives me a heady sense of power.

However, I soon realise it’s just an illusion, and it cracks quickly. No matter how hard I suck Xaden, how deeply I let him slide down my throat, it’s not that easy to break his control, to make him come when he doesn’t want to yet. Especially not when I can feel Liam’s gaze on me like a physical touch, when Xaden twitching in my throat turns me on just as much as him fucking me with his tongue.

But I won’t give up that easily. Even though I can feel my next orgasm building at the base of my spine, my legs tensing around Xaden’s head, I sink deeper down his cock, let him slide down my throat until my nose is pressing against his balls. Trying to keep my gag reflex in check and warding off the rising tide of pleasure in my guts, I swallow around him, determined to make him come with me. My head is empty of all thoughts, filled only by sensations; the pulsing heat against my tongue, Xaden’s lips closing around my clit, pleasure zapping through every part of my body.

“Oh, shit,” Liam curses, shifting to get a closer look. “H-how… how can you take all of him? That’s…”

I can’t hear what else Liam says, not when Xaden mercilessly flings me over the edge with his too-skilled mouth. My scream is muffled around Xaden’s cock, the world around me blinking out of existence as pleasure consumes me. Relentlessly, it races up my spine and explods in my head, wrecking my entire body with wave after wave of tremors even though I can hardly move an inch. Xaden still holds my hips tight to his face, his mouth ruthlessly continuing to ravish me, and I cling to his legs, his cock, as if I’ll lose myself should I dare to let go.

Fuck, this is insane. How can every new orgasm be more intense than the last? How am I supposed to survive this?

But I can’t think about that, not when my mind is still buzzing with bliss, my body riding out the aftershocks of my climax—and Xaden’s mouth still working between my thighs.

Oh, no… I whimper, begging for mercy, but I know I won’t get any. (Not unless I were to use my safe word, that is, but I don’t feel like I’ll be needing it tonight.) Xaden loves eating me out until I can’t take anymore, and he knows too well that one orgasm is far from my limit. Trembling with the slight pain of overstimulation, my traitorous body even grinds itself harder against his tongue, begging for more, and who am I kidding? I want more. Need it like the air to breathe.

Moaning around Xaden’s cock, I give in to the inevitable, rolling my hips harder against his mouth in search of more stimulation. Xaden chuckles, doubling his efforts as his cock twitches and I’m forced to pull back a little. I know he’s already won with how pleasure is gathering on top of my previous orgasm again, but I’m too proud to give up. Moving in time with my hips, I bob up and down his cock, drool slicking up his entire length and balls. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to break through his iron stamina, at least once. Maybe having Liam watching us, groaning and fisting his cock in time with my movements, will affect Xaden as much as it affects me, turning him on and pushing him faster towards the edge.

I cling to this hope, my mouth working his cock with desperate intensity even as the pleasure crests once more and breaks, flooding my body, drowning me. I clutch at the bedcovers as I’m shaking all over, spasming, out of control, and my muscles are clenching hard, nearly painfully. It’s too much, so good, I can’t bear it, never want it to end. I’m dimly aware of shrieking, Xaden’s length still halfway down my throat, but can’t process anything, only that my body is burning with pleasure, falling apart, shattering, and my vision momentarily turns black as everything becomes too much.

I come to to lying on my back, my chest heaving as I try to catch my breath. Xaden is leaning over me, a smug smirk on his face as he brushes sweaty hair out of my face. “Nice try,” he purrs. “But you should know better by now. Although, if you’re this hungry for cock, I’m sure Liam would be more than happy to provide.”

I’m too blissed out to turn my head, but I can hear Liam groan somewhere nearby, cursing low under his breath. And the crazy thing is, even though I can hardly move after these two orgasms in a row… my guts are clenching deliciously just thinking about sucking Liam off. Fuck, I’m so screwed.

It doesn’t take much, only a few minutes of Xaden massaging my trembling muscles, before I have my lips around Liam’s cock, moaning at the taste of both him and me on my tongue. I can barely think, only act, licking over every inch of him and relishing in how he gently rocks into my mouth, his hands on my head to guide me.

I am on my hands and knees at the edge of the bed, with Liam standing before me while Xaden kneels somewhere behind me. I don’t know what he’s doing, don’t care, my mind slipping into no-thought-only-feel territory. I don’t need to know what he’s doing because I already know it’ll be okay. I don’t need to care because he cares for me. I can let myself fall because I know he’ll catch me, guide me, hold me.

“So hot,” he murmurs, leaning over my back. “Do you like Liam’s cock? It certainly looks like it. Fuck, I think he might come again soon. You’re too good at this for your own good.”

Liam groans, but I beam at his praise, my chest swelling with warmth. My tongue works even harder against Liam’s length, against the sensitive part below the tip and the pulsing veins, and I relish in his increasingly needy sounds, in the way his hands in my hair tighten almost against his will.

“I need to stretch you for later, Violence. Try not to break Liam completely over there until I’m done here.”

“Haha,” Liam gasps, but the movements of his hips slow down a bit. “Very funny. As if I—fuck!—as if I’d let this chance slip away.”

Something inside my mind perks up at his words, but I’m too far gone to care. All I know is that he’s too careful. I want him deeper down my throat, want him to fill me completely. So I’m actually grateful for Xaden grabbing my cheeks and letting his thumb brush over my rim, my body jerking forward on instinct.

“Shit!” Liam curses as I take him completely all the way to his base, his legs trembling. “Don’t you have a gag reflex?”

Xaden huffs a laugh, his fingers persistently massaging around my hole. “She does,” he answers in my stead, knowing I’m in no position to reply. “She’s just very good at ignoring it when it’s in the way of what she wants.” He leans over me and places a row of gentle kisses down my spine, comforting and reassuring. Full of love.

They stop talking for a while, for which I’m grateful. It means I can focus solely on what I feel, Liam gliding in and out of my mouth, across my tongue, his weight and girth oddly comforting, grounding, and Xaden working me open. His motions are slow and careful but intense, never going so far as to hurt me but clearly skirting the edges of what I can take. One finger, then a second and a third, moving in and out of me to get my muscles to relax. With almost surprising gentleness, he rubs his oiled fingers against my sensitive inner walls, and I can’t help but moan at the sublime sensation. Fuck, I love it when Xaden plays with my ass, it’s so good. It’s not that I can come from this, and even with him working my clit in addition, it would take far longer, but still. It’s a different kind of pleasure, softer, not as demanding. Comfortable. Or maybe, that’s it, that it gives me a break from the burning pleasure and instead fills me with warm delight, with anticipation.

Even as he shifts behind me and pushes his cock into me—drawing a deep guttural groan from my chest with how full I feel that in return makes Liam curse at the vibrations around his cock—I feel more like floating in a sea of pleasure than drowning in it. There is no burning fire, nothing pushing me toward my next climax, only white pleasure pooling in my body as he stretches me wide open, tame and content to wait.

I could stay forever like this, suckling on Liam’s cock and relishing every drop of pre-come he releases as Xaden slowly rocks into my ass. And with him nearly just using me to warm him instead of actual stimulation, I know Xaden could hold out for quite a while, too. However, Liam is another matter. I don’t know his signs yet and I’m not in the right mind space to be observant, but even I notice that he’s close, his finger in my hair twitching, his breathing harsh.

Smiling to myself, I redouble my efforts, taking him deeper, sucking harder, my tongue stroking the underside of his shaft. And I get why Xaden enjoys eating me out so much; witnessing Liam fall apart is quite the spectacle. The way his fingers tighten around my head in anticipation, how the muscles in his abdomen clench, his legs trembling.

I swallow him down as he comes in my mouth, humming at his taste, at the garbled cry that drops off his lips. Behind me, Xaden groans, his cock resting deeply in my ass, his hands gliding up and down my back, my sides. “Fuck, you two are so hot.”

I deliberately clench my muscles around him and chuckle at his grunt once Liam pulls out and sinks back onto the bed next to me.

“Shit,” he gasps, catching his breath. He drops a hand onto my shoulder where I’m lying on the bed now, smiling happily. “That was… fucking perfect.”

“Anytime,” I wink.

Xaden, returning from cleaning himself up, snorts. “She means that. You can probably feed her your cock whenever you like, and she’d even be grateful for it.”

“Only because you so rarely let me suck you to completion,” I pout.

Smirking, Xaden crawls on top of me, my body singing at all the places his skin brushes against mine. “Because I prefer feeling you come on my cock when I do. Is that such a bad thing?”

Humming, I brush my lips against the corner of his mouth. “No, not really.” My lips part easily when he kisses me, his tongue stroking along mine like an invitation to dance, and I can’t help but smile against his lips. He barely holds himself up above me, his weight pressing me down into the mattress, and I wrap my arms around his back, longing to feel as much of his skin as possible.

“Gods, you two are so cute, I might get sick,” Liam comments, but there’s no bite in his voice, only humour and something soft I can’t quite name.

Chuckling, Xaden rolls halfway off me, and I’m momentarily mesmerised by how… how unguarded he is. It’s not new to me, seeing him like this, especially not in bed. But it’s the first time I see this side of him around someone else, the hard Wingleader front entirely discarded for now. Liam truly must be special to him.

“I meant what I said earlier, you can always join in,” Xaden smirks, but then turns a little more serious again. “How much of a break do you need?”

Liam huffs a laugh. “Around you two? Not long. Give me a few minutes, then I’ll be good to go again.”

“Good,” Xaden beckons Liam closer, then pulls him into another kiss, giving me the perfect view of them making out practically on top of me. “Because I’m not sure how many more orgasms Violet can take tonight.”

My eyes widen as they both turn on me as if on some secret code word, both men grinning deviously. I know they shared partners before, Xaden told me about that, but—fuck!—I didn’t expect it to be like this.

They descend on me like two hungry lions, their hands and mouths everywhere. Liam kisses me, but I can barely focus on it, can only let him ravage my mouth as Xaden claims my nipple between his teeth, his fingers playing with the other one, biting and sucking and pinching until my back arches and I press myself closer against him, needing more.

What follows is a wild mess, from my point of view at least. There’s no pattern I can discern in how they switch around between kissing my lips and my body, their hands on my breasts, between my legs, caressing over every inch of my skin. I quickly get drunk on how both their bodies are wrapped around me, losing the orientation in an ocean of heated skin and hard muscles, soft lips regularly stealing my breath. Every time I try to reach for one of them, try to control a kiss or lean into one sensation specifically, they turn me around again, changing the playing field until I can’t tell up from down anymore, the only small spec of orientation I get the different shades of their skin.

The first time, I come on Liam’s fingers, unexpected with how they keep me on a constant high, and my shriek gets muffled by Xaden’s tongue in my throat. The second time, I’m grinding against someone’s cock against my clit, coating whoever it is in my slik as two mouths nibble and suck on my neck, my head thrown back in ecstasy. After that, I lose count, lose myself completely between them, between their kisses, their touches, between whispered words and sounds of pleasure, between these two men who’re closer to me than anyone else ever was. And I’ve never felt so good, so safe, so cherished. So loved.

I don’t know when they stopped, only register that they must have as I lie cradled in Xaden’s arms, his lips soothingly brushing along my jaw as I slowly register my surroundings again.

“Oh, fuck,” I mewl, leaning closer to Xaden’s comforting warmth. “Wh-what… what was… that?”

Xaden chuckles and brushes a kiss against my forehead. “Are you okay?”

I laugh. “Okay? Yeah, I think so. But, fuck, that was just… holy shit.”

On my other side, Liam snorts. “So much for not breaking me. Are you sure you can take more?”

I turn my head to look at him. He’s hard again, I notice, but from the true concern in his eyes, I know he wouldn’t hold it against me if I said no now, just like Xaden, who’s hardness I can feel pushing against my thigh. “Yeah. Just give me a moment to feel my legs again, then I’m good.”

Xaden snorts, mischief in his eyes. “I mean, it’s not as if you’ll need your legs for what’s next. In fact, I expect you won’t be able to use them as usual for a couple of days after this. But sure, you can have a few minutes.” He turns to Liam, who’s unashamedly grinning at his words. “So, do you want her ass or her pussy? Your pick for tonight.”

My breath hitches as I’m reminded of tonight’s plan. Of what I asked for. Taking two cocks at once already sounded intense when I was merely picturing it. Now having a better idea of the two cocks in question, though… Despite the wringer Xaden and Liam put me through just now, my inner muscles already clench again, eager to finally feel them inside me.

Liam smirks, raking his eyes down my body. “I think, I’d like her ass. I already had her pussy and mouth tonight, and there’s just something about filling every single one of her holes, you know?” He winks at me.

Oh, shit. There he is, the shamelessly flirty side of Liam I’ve come to like, except ramped up to a level of confident cockiness that makes heat pool in my belly once again. If this is how Liam behaves once he puts aside all insecurities… then I’ll be so fucked between these two, not just tonight but in the future as well.

Gods, I can’t wait.

Xaden huffs a laugh, shaking his head. “I’ll take your word for it.” He gets off the bed and holds a hand out for me. “Can you stand, for a moment at least? Or should Liam carry you?”

I throw Liam a glance, and judging by the smirk playing around his lips, he’d do just that. “I’m good,” I say, and scramble off the bed, curious about how they’re planning to go about this. Xaden wouldn’t tell me and aside from the few details Rhiannon mentioned the other day, I have no idea what positions might work.

“Come here.” Xaden guides me a couple of steps away from the bed, then stands directly in front of me. He takes my head between his hands, then lets them glide down to the base of my neck, his thumps brushing along my jaw. “You know you can call for an end at any moment, remember? If it gets too much or doesn’t feel good, you don’t have to go through with anything, especially not for our sake.”

I nod, smiling. “I know.”

Xaden takes a deep breath and nods as well. “Alright.” he reaches for my hands and guides them up around his neck. “Hold on,” he says, just as Liam appears behind me, and I feel dwarfed between these two men. It should be intimidating, being at their mercy when reminded of just how small I am against them, but instead, I feel comforted. Safe.

I expected more kisses, but instead, I yelp as Liam grabs me by the back of my knees and lifts me up, my thighs pressed against my ribs on either side of my breasts. Xaden steps between my spread legs and takes over one of them, my knee over his left arm as his cock nudges against my slick entrance. “Ready?” he asks, his voice gravelly.

I nod, eagerly, and try in vain to buck my hips to take him in faster. But I can’t move, not even an inch, held tight between them. I might as well weigh nothing at all given the ease with which they hold me in place.

“Hush,” Xaden breathes into my ear, his lips twitching. “You don’t have to do anything right now.”

I mewl but comply, understanding the underlying order. Clinging harder to Xaden’s neck and shoulders, I hold as still as I can as he penetrates me in one long slide.

“Fuck, yes,” he groans, his breathing hitching a bit. “You feel so fucking perfect.”

Hidden against his neck, I allow myself a grin. With his iron-hard self-control and stamina of steel, I just love that my pussy, being inside me, is one of the few things that can actually break him. “You, too,” I gasp, my muscles tightening around him, around the comforting heat of his cock. No matter how many times I already came tonight, this will always be my undoing.

He gives me a few moments to adjust, only minimally rocking back and forth to ease my body into taking more. But I’m acutely aware of Liam behind me, still holding my other leg. His lips are on my shoulder, mouthing distractedly at my skin as his other arm moves against my back, clearly stroking himself.

“I’m good,” I gasp, leaning forward against Xaden as best I can to give Liam better access.

They both chuckle. “So eager,” Liam teases, his slick tip pressing against my rim without pushing in yet. “Are you sure you can really take both of us? You look like you might split in half instead.”

From anyone else and in any other situation, such a comment probably would have made me angry. But I get it, his concern. I am small, especially when compared to them, so I appreciate him checking in on me. Kind of.

“Just fuck me, Mairi,” I growl.

Xaden snorts. “You heard the lady.”

Liam takes an audible breath, and then finally moves closer. His free hand is on my waist, holding me in place as he positions himself and slowly pushes in.

Yep, I might die from this. I was prepared for the intense stretch and fullness from when Xaden used multiple of his toys on me. But this is so much more than anything I imagined. It’s a lot to take, physically but also emotionally and mentally, the closeness and intimacy of having them both inside me, it’s overwhelming and I have difficulties breathing freely.

“Violet? You okay?” Xaden groans, noticeably fighting to hold still, to give me time.

I force my lungs to take a few shallow breaths; there’s not enough space inside me for more. “Yeah,” I breathe, forcing my eyes to flutter open. “‘s just… just a lot.” I mewl as Liam works himself deeper into me with slow and gentle thrusts, his breathing harsh and damp against my back.

“I know.” Xaden’s mouth is on my neck, tickling me. “But you’re doing so well. Just relax for us.”

I try to, I really do. But it still takes a couple more minutes before Liam bottoms out inside me, a low curse dropping off his lips.

“Fuck, yeah. Gods, you’re so tight, Vi. Shit, your body is amazing.”

I preen at the compliment and awkwardly turn to wrap one arm around Liam’s shoulders, pulling him closer and seeking his lips with my own. My body is an annoying mess on a good day, but at least it’s good at taking cock, amazing even, to the delight of everyone involved.

They give me another short break to adjust to their cocks, to being so full and stretched that I, indeed, feel like splitting in half. But with every heartbeat, it gets more bearable, better, intoxicating. Gods, I hope Liam will accept our offer; I want to do this again.

When they start moving, it takes every ounce of my self-control not to scream. I thought just having them inside me was intense, but having them move is even worse. Better. I don’t know, don’t care. When one pushes in, the other pulls out, perfectly coordinated, and the constant slide and switch of pressure is positively driving me insane. I lose track of all the noises I make and can only clutch at them for just any anchor against the overwhelming sensations flooding my mind. In and out, push and pull, the pressure of being so impossibly full, but also the pleasure of all those sensitive spots being stimulated, sweetening the experience into something addictive. More. I need more.

“More…” I mewl, caught not only between their cocks but their entire bodies, again kissing and touching every spot they can reach.

“Fuck, Violet!” Xaden growls, and his next thrust comes harder, making me cry out and tighten around them on reflex. Liam bites into my shoulder to muffle his shout. And as if they’d only been waiting for my sign, they both move faster, harder, fucking into me at an unforgiving pace. Fucking every coherent thought right out of my head.

. o O o .

Liam

Shit, this is better than anything I could have imagined.

Being inside Violet’s tight little ass, Xaden’s cock sliding against my own through the thin membrane, her incoherent sobs and cries and his low but urgent groans, the way she clutches at us and Xaden’s hand over mine where we hold her—it’s all mixing into a frenzy of pleasure and sensations, and I can’t get enough. Even if this turns out to only be a one-off… it’s worth it! And I’m actually glad I already came two times tonight because I’m not sure how long I might last as is it, everything’s just too fucking perfect. But at least Xaden is fighting to hold back now just like I am—how he managed to last this long is beyond me anyway.

By now, our quicker coordinated thrusts turned more erratic, and Violet is practically bouncing on our cocks with how much force we fuck up into her pliant body. Gods, she’s gorgeous, perfect, amazing. I’m already in love with her for her wit and her kindness, but this might be enough to make me fall completely.

Shit, I’m so screwed.

“Fuck, yes,” she sobs, her fingers digging into my arm as if it’s the only thing keeping her grounded. “Yes, yes, yes, please. Oh, please, yes. Yes!”

“Fuck, yes,” Xaden grunts against her neck where he sucked a harsh bruise into her skin. His movements are as urgent as mine, even his famous control hanging by a thread by now. “Come, Violet. Come for us.”

I don’t know what he does, if he again sends his shadows to play with her clit, but within seconds, Violet’s cries turn into full-on screams as she comes, shattering between our bodies. It’s gorgeous to watch, how her body grows tense and then erupts, shaking all over, how she throws her head back against my shoulder and screams out her pleasure, her eyes all but rolled back into her head.

I last a few more seconds, thrusting into her to prolong her climax and just long enough to see lightning flash outside before I break as well. My shout of ecstasy muffled against her shoulder, I press as deeply into her ass as I can before I spurt into her, that tight coil in my guts once more bursting and sending dart of pleasure through my entire body.

Darkness flares around us as Xaden’s control breaks and he shouts, then his cock shudders against my own as he comes, too, his face pressed against Violet’s neck, her hair, his hand clutching at mine.

My knees are wobbly as we all catch our breaths, but I can’t break, not with Violet’s limp body still supported between us. I catch Xaden’s eyes, dazed like I’ve not seen them in ages, and he gives me a small nod. With a low groan, he pulls out of her, his come dripping along my balls, and steps back, leaving Violet in my arms.

Carefully, as if she’s the most precious thing in the world, I carry her back to the bed and once again marvel at just how small she is. Even weakened as I am, I have no problem carrying her; it’s as if she weighs nothing. And yet, she took both our cocks at the same time, with hardly any difficulties. Absolutely amazing indeed.

I can’t take my eyes off her where she lies on the bed in front of me, not unconscious, but something close, too blissed out to take in her surroundings and at least half asleep already. So beautiful. Unable to help it, I crawl onto the bed next to her and brush her hair out of her face, my fingers tracing along her brow, her nose, her lips.

“Are you going to tell her?” Xaden asks from where he fell onto the bed on her other side. “How you feel about her?”

My lips tighten at the irony of him asking me this question. He said he’s not blind, having noticed how I look at her. But does he know I feel the same for him?

“Do you think I should?” I skirt the question.

He rolls onto his side, watching us. “I think that depends on how you decide.”

Swallowing, I nod. Not just sex, he’d said. An invitation for more. A three-way relationship, a triad. It’s daunting, but…

“I think, I’d like to try?” I admit, glancing up at him. “I’m not sure how something like that works, though.��

“Me neither,” Xaden admits. “Violet said she’d met some triads during her time living in various war camps. Obviously, she didn’t ask for details about their relationship, but it seemed to work out for them? We’ll just have to figure out how it can work for us.”

I nod, though I’m still hesitant. I’m well aware that I am the experiment here. What Xaden and Violet have, it’s something else. Something more. I can’t compete with that, only try to tug along as best I can.

“Hey.” Xaden reaches for my hand. “We want this to work, okay?”

I snort. Can he read minds now, too? “Yeah,” I say. “Me, too.”

I can’t help it, though. Even as Xaden and I cuddle around Violet’s already sleeping form, with her head on my shoulder and Xaden curled around her back, his hand resting next to hers on my chest, I feel torn. I want this work, I really do.

But is that even possible?

. o O o .

AN: Looks like Liam is still not entirely convinced they really want him there with them... Poor baby. 😌

I have this headcanon about them. We've covered that Violet is multiorgasmic, and her boys clearly enjoy taking advantage of this fact. Liam is multiorgasmic, too, but for him, that usually means he'll only need a little time (~10-15 min) before he can go another round. Xaden, however, is not. When he comes, it would take hours before he can go again, and even that only under special circumstances. However, he makes up for that with a stamina of steel, being able to hold out and fuck for hours without coming.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this second part of their story. There's more to come. 🥰

* - . - * - . o O o . - * - . - *

I am but a street artist, offering my art to those around me. If you enjoyed it, a tip in the form of a comment and a ❤️would be highly appreciated. 😊

If you want to leave a tip you can buy me a coffee. I love coffee 😊 (Ko-Fi)

#Violiaden #violet sorrengail #liam mairi #xaden riorson #fanfiction #not for children #fourth wing #rebecca yarros #the empyrean #kinktober #kinktober23

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radioactiveswampmonsters · 2 months

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So I started HRT

I can't believe that's a sentence I get to type?? Going on T always felt like a crazy distant thing to me that I would never get or would be in the distant future (but the distant future was like always still further off forever, there was no getting closer to when the future would be).

Anyway, for my own sake, I think I wanna do like.. a little diary thing? Just something to look back on in the future, see all the progress and everything.

So this really started last Monday. I had a dream that I was going to Planned Parenthood to start HRT, but I got turned away cause they weren't doing that anymore. They gave me places that still were, but I felt embarrassed and discouraged and I didn't take it, and when I woke up, I was... a lot more upset about all that than I think I reasonably should have been. I've had dreams before of like medically transitioning, or like going to appointments and stuff like that so idk why this was different, but it was I guess! Different enough that that, plus I guess a combination of it was already a busy day and I was mad at work, I very spur of the moment just made an appointment to go that Thursday. And finally do it.

Zab was the first person I told like immediately after I booked it and got the confirmation that it was booked, cause of course I had to and their reaction was wonderful, they're my rock honestly through so many things and I'm grateful for them always.

Laz, I told that night and their reaction was also just... I don't think I'll ever forget it, I love them very much and that moment is something I think I'm gonna hold in my heart forever.

I can't stop thinking of Zab telling me repeatedly that they're proud of me, and Laz repeatedly saying finally!!

I love my friends so much.

I think part of what makes this so surreal and strange is like... this was so easy? Like there was no special occasion anything with it, this is just. It's Thursday. It's just a normal Thursday! Like it's not now, February 8th is huge now, but like wow what the fuck. Like I waited til my birthday last year to get my ears pierced cause that was like An Occasion, and something special to do, but this like... it's not revolving around anything! I could just go on my phone and make an appointment with planned parenthood immediately and i did!! It's just another Thursday!! idk something something making special or beauty in the mundane idk I have an appointment thursday that's gonna change my life and it's just another thursday

I keep having butterflies in my stomach throughout the week. Like I'll being going about my day, then I remember, or I get an appointment reminder (by the time it got to thursday there were three and it made me smile so big every time), and I get butterflies and it feels all so surreal again. I think part of me expects that I'll get there and it won't be real? Or they'll maybe turn me away?? I know they won't but I dunno. I've also always been like this though, I've moved so much, and everything is normal and business and usual and then I move and it's still fine and I'm going through the motions then it's not til like I'm THERE that it's like oh fuck I live somewhere else entirely else now. I moved three years ago, and still there's times when I go into my apartment and i'm hit with like a moment of Awareness i guess and I'm suddenly like holy shit I live here. I'm fully responsible for myself and this place, this is My Home. I don't live with my parents anymore, this is me. I make Decisions. So y'know. It's fine

I got asked to take an extra shift at work, thursday is normally the start of my weekend, and I said no I have a doctor's appointment (and that was so fun to say for once and remember hehehe this is happening and it's TOMORROW) and anyway I eventually relented to taking a morning shift - I stressed so many times i had to be out by 11. I know eventually I'll have to tell them what's going on cause like the changes will be Perceived, but also for now I'm enjoying the little secret inside joke with myself

IT'S THURSDAY. IT'S TODAY. It's also an ungodly time, 5 fucking am, it was a mistake to take an extra morning shift. Money good, but I am so very tired and evil. At least it was quiet/normal amounts of busy. And I got out before the lunch rush so I'll take it. There's still so much day ahead of me, it's only 11 am, i have 3 hours til my appointment and I'm Being Very Normal. I also have new glasses now that I think make look kinda like a cartoon character, but it's fun

I'm the most colorfully dressed person here at the planned parenthood. I planned my outfit out so much cause it's like the whole meme of wearing a suit to whatever, except it's my favorite rainbow overalls and I feel like I;m a bit a parody of myself, but also like... idk man it feels right. It's also warm enough I can finally wear flip flops so wins all around

my nurse tech had meow wolf pins on her lanyard which was awesome, im taking this as another sign - one was even the one i had from going to the real unreal opening. they had to stick me twice to draw my blood cause my left arm wouldn't cooperate, but needles i guess just dont bother me as much as they used to which is something im actually really grateful for! idk when that changed or how or why, but im glad i can at least get stuck without having like a full panic or meltdown anymore! ^^^ that's gonna be real helpful, being chill about needles, since I have A REAL PRESCRIPTION NOW HOLY FUCK

i was giving zab updates the whole time and they asked me when my injection appointment was (again i love zab so much, they've been cheering me on this whole time, like that's not a SHOCK, but still oh my god idk what i did to deserve them), and I said i dont think i have one?? my appointment was actually pretty fast and easy - it was a lot of disclaimers and new patient info stuff, but yeah like they just gave me my prescription and a guide on how to inject yourself and said yeah you can go as soon as you pick it up, go at it! and zab described that was ah they're just letting you rawdog that and i thought that was really funny lmao

something about seeing an actual doctor note that says ON PAPER (or app, but whatever it's all doctor's notes) that i have dysphoria is weirdly huge for me?? i dunno why that warmed me, but that had me feeling a way like this isn't just me, this is Real also screaming singing the trans lyrics in mama from mcr after your first hrt appointment is a fun experience 10/10 recommend lol

MY PRESCRIPTION IS READY!!! the place said it wouldn't be til friday after 4, BUT NO! IT'S A WHOLE FOUR HOURS EARLY I HAVE TESTOSTERONE!!!!!!

Fae also now knows cause we were supposed to do our taxes together (like tradition) and I was already late to our video call cause I was picking up MY PRESCRIPTIOOOOON and i didn't wanna keep them waiting anymore so i said fuck it you wanna know a secret? im on t, im doing my t shot now. let's go brother, you and me. (their reaction was also wonderful, i love them very much) the t shot itself was actually fine??? zab had said it wasn't too bad actually, but i was still kinda anxious and worried, but they were right it didn't actually even hurt. i did fuck it up a little tho lmaoooo (jumping to the end, some of it?? came out of it when i pulled the needle out?? so oops on that) but the biggest fuck up was i got the fucking 22 gauge fucking needle stuck on the syringe when i was drawing it into the syringe 🙃🙃i freaked out cause i couldn't get it off, fae was trying to help by looking up what to do, and anyway that's how i also came out that i started hrt to all my local in town friends cause i said hey i fucked up can someone who is strong get it off for me or at least lend me some pliers???? (the good news was a bit after that i did also get it off myself, and the smaller needle came off easy too so it's FINE i think i know what i did wrong, but oh my god this was a roller coaster for baby's first shot oh my GOD)

APPARENTLY I ALSO ACCIDENTALLY CAME OUT TO ZEYDA TOO CAUSE I FORGOT ZEYDA WAS ALSO IN GRIMM'S CHAT FUCK ME it;s...... fine.... i had plans to do it personally over call, zeyda is very cool and kind, but i feel kinda bad now

it is saturday and i feel like i've been hit with a truck. that ?? was a great night of sleep, like i don't sleep well in general, but i slept super great last night, but OH MAN.... do i feel soooo fucking tired and foggy headed. like i feel floaty...? but also weirdly like i have energy in my joints. my joints are jelly and i could walk, but im also so sleepy and cant focus or think like at all? i tried playing some sims, but even that i couldn't do for super long, i am mush

i told my parents about this as well, and that's maybe been the only disappointment so far. their reaction wasn't BAD, but idk i guess i was expecting more? it's fine, my mom and i talked after so like it's genuinely not a problem, but yeah i dunno. just wanted more initial excitement from them too i guess. i had dinner with friends, food helped a little with the whole no energy thing oops of course, but in general it was just nice seeing them

i just keep feeling so heavy and tired. and like i have a headache? but it doesn't like, hurt, it's just like. pressure. like i have a head and i sure can feel it. i know this is normal, im not worried, but it sure is here! im not upset about it tho, it's like oh wow it's tired forever cause im hormones now!!! wow!!! ahhhhh!!!!

it's monday and i feel like i have brain again lol im still tired, but i feel a bit more leveled at least, somewhat more normal. Something I've noticed is my knee isn't having as many problems??? like i can stand and walk and im having less pain in it which is pretty cool

i told the rest of my friends now, and im glad for it, i dont wanna keep dancing around this, i like sharing and wanna yell about all of this! especially with them, i love them all so dearly after i told everyone (after break for waystation, shout out to waystation my beloved) diego told me to watch out for gundams. he basically said boys be shopping and gundams are a siren call for all men so beware. I feel like I'm on cloud 9

tuesday! four days after my first shot. something i've noticed is, at least so far, i've been less angry? work, particularly when it gets busy like it always does, i used to always be quick to getting so annoyed and mad cause i was just so overwhelmed with how busy it was. and like monday, it actually wasn't as busy a day. today it was normal levels of work and everything, and like sure i was still getting annoyed, especially cause like always i just take more calls than others and i KNOW i do, but like... it didn't feel as strong? i was still getting annoyed, but not getting so heated. it felt duller, less heavy than usual. idk if that's just a symptom of having no energy in general or the t itself, but i hope this stays. not being so angry at work everyday would be really nice. i like feeling like i don't have to maybe prepare for having yet another breakdown at work and also some of the annoyance was on me - i started listening to the night circus audiobook today and shock and awe i got annoyed that work was interrupting my book when i was at work - but i mean, even when i was just sitting there, not listening to my book, getting back to back calls... like i handled it a lot better than i usually do. i know it's too early to tell, but seriously can't stress enough how much i hope this is a real actual change, just t leveling out my emotions and mood too please

#Dorian is on T #this is long ahaha oops #i was updating this one post over the past week but i finally told everyone that matters (and who checks tumblr) so!! i can post finally!#hrt #trans masc

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glittergutts · 25 days

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Man I get so tired of my own shit sometimes. I feel like at least once everyday I get upset about something then have to spend the rest if the day trying to feel better and problem solve so that way I don't have a reason to be upset.

But today I couldn't find clothes after my shower ( I should have found them first) and the rug in my room felt dirty ( I vacuumed it yesterday) and I wanted to wash laundry ( but it's super stressful because of the leak idk if my dad is ever going to fix? So i didn't) I complained to Chris over text for a while ( that helped), but idk why not having socks would make me so upset about everything. I guess I try not to think about the leak but I know it's getting worse and my house smells a little weird because it really needs to be fixed but my dad can't afford it ( obviously we can't either) but it's making it impossible for me to do laundry. I have to walk through literal puddles in the basement and my shoes are so old and slick I'm fucking terrified I'm going to slip in the dirty water and my ocd brain bad thoughts prevents me from being able to cope with that thought very well. Also I have extra laundry this week and that made me even more stressed. So I guess I wasn't actually crying about socks but a whole mess of shit.

I'm going to be a bug girl and go start some laundry even though I really don't want to because it's the only that that might help me calm down. Also I'm going to have to vacuum the rug in my room (again) so I can have a good space to take out my art supplies later. It's really discouraging to feel like I spent fucking hours cleaning and things (at least the feeeel) dirty again. I'm wondering if it's actually dirty or it's just my brain doing that thing it does about germs and other gross stuff? It's kinda been hard to tell lately and I wish I could turn off the negative thoughts that promt me to stress clean or wash my hands multiple times in a row.

I've been feeling so on top of my mental health lately it's hard to admit this has been so challenging to feel clean. I feel like the more I clean the less I get the bad feeling someone's going to die (specifically my entire family all at once? Ugh the scariest) so I just keep cleaning things.

I need to eat something and get some exercise outside in the fresh air, or I'm never going to feel better. The weather is nice. I put on a dress. I'm still planning on doing some art. Tomorrow is Easter and that will be fun so I'm going to keep trying to put myself in a better mood.

Ok ok // end rant

#that was long sorry #bad brain day or something

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subway-boss-jericho · 11 months

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Hey all! Announcement stuff!

Thank you to everyone who has been very patient with me. I swear to god i could turn into one of those Ao3 authors thats like "hahaha sorry i havent updated in so long i died and then came back to life and then i had to work 7 jobs" and im being so fucking brave about it!! ANYWAYS THATS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT!

Tomorrow is the 1 Year anniversary of steady tracks chapter 1! 🥳(and also my birthday. yes that was on purpose)

So! I wanted to give you all some updates and stuff to look forward to because oh god it sure has been an entire fucking year since I uploaded stuff and I refuse to feel bad about it but my brain is trying so hard to make me! I am working on chapter 2. Progress has been terribly slow because of severe life events, thank you for your understanding.

So!! What's next? Well, over the summer I am really fucking hoping to finish chapter 2. I know I keep saying this but literally i stg. I'm going apeshit. do you know how hard it is to think about something for an entire year and never have the time, motivation, or energy at the same time to make it exist?? fucked up!! Before that though, I have a few things.

I TOLD you all that I would talk about an AU of mine, whichever was highest voted in that strawpoll I did, and then surprise i fuckin didnt do that. I would very very much like to do that! The problem, I realized, is that I operate super hard on a reactionary basis so I am not prone to talking about anything that is mine until prompted about it or given permission. Fucking, Wack. This is my house. I should be cringe and free but nooooo. Anyways, because of this, I am planning on doing 2 things -> Actually tell you guys about spirit keeper! You all voted for him back when, and especially with that ✨Fucking, Gorgeous✨ commission from Fronomeeps I got (for me birthday :]) I really really really want to do that. And post my art more. and shit like that. seriously i need to get out of my head or I'll explode. someone needs to scream about how cool these stories are with me or I'll dissolve. -> I am thinking of doing a day long event where I stream an Aggie/(Magma?) where I draw my AUs and let people hop in to join in (as long as it stays on topic!) as well as answering as many asks as I can about my many aus and basically setting you guys up to trick me into infodumping. Because let me tell you i have a year and a halfs worth of words in my head and i am 100% confident ingo and emmet enjoyers would really like to hear them. So I wanna do a big ask party Q&A and really get things rolling!! Hopefully with drawings and doodles involved! as a celebration for myself, and as a way to open up to the greater fandom (Please leave a comment if you think that sounds cool, I'm trying to gauge interest because if i went all out and no one showed up it would be Extremely Depressing!)

ON! THAT! TOPIC!!! I am actively (literally interspersed with as I am typing this) making a UQUIZ about all of my significant AUs. For the record, there are 23 results on this quiz. I currently only have 3/23 final results completed, but it is my active focus over the weekend to finish as many of those as I can to try and complete the entire thing within a week or less. Also poking at my phrasing here, when I say my significant aus I Mean It, I have more than 23, but these 23 are the ones with stories tangible enough to start somewhere and elaborate on. I have about 10 that I would consider my main AUs, but some of the smaller ones are huge sleeper favorites.

SO YEAH!!! PLEASE LOOK FORWARD TO THAT AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU'RE INTERESTED!! I really wanna do fun stuff and get to know people in the fandom more than just. that person who wrote 1 chapter of a cool fic that one time. I have so much more to offer and I struggle so much to offer it. Please draw me out of my shell, I wish to enter the fandom sphere 🥺

thank you for giving me a great year <3 ((and hopefully the next one will be better <3))

#Status Update #AUs #Long Post #Ingo pokemon #Emmet pokemon #Submas #i feel a little bad about putting this on the main tags but im not joking when i say i really wanna break out of my head and do something #fun and exciting #Subway Boss Jericho Taking The PA System Aux

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timeoverload · 3 months

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I snapped today. I cried a lot of the day and it made it really hard to do my job. I thought I was doing better mentally but maybe I'm not. My physical health is greatly impacting my state of mind. I had to lock myself in the bathroom for 20 minutes earlier and I got so behind. I also had 32 cases and no one would help me. I am so overwhelmed. I am in a lot of pain and I can't feel my foot.

My feelings are also very hurt and I'm not trying to start any problems but I just want to know what's going on. I can't believe you are making me wait at least another month. I don't know who made the decision that I had to be living at home for like 2 years before I could date anyone. I should be able to make those decisions for myself. I will be 30 this year... I feel like that's what's going on and I'm not happy about it. I feel like I'm being treated like a child. I don't know if anything is ever going to happen at this rate and maybe I'm feeling pessimistic at the moment. I just want to be with the person I love.

I'm not sure if I'm right but I have been lied to so much and I'm sick of it. I don't know what to believe. Healthy relationships aren't built on lies and secrets. Also, if you didn't want to date me right away, you could have just told me to ease my anxiety. Instead I am left in the dark without a plan and very confused. I understand the need to take a break from dating after ending a relationship but 2 years??? What was the purpose of asking me to come in on walk-in days and stuff??? Of course I wanted to see you but I don't get it. I was so anxious every time for nothing and you just wanted to test me. Why did you keep teasing me and saying that something was going to happen??? I feel like I'm playing a game that I will never win. This fucking sucks. I don't know if your social anxiety is really that bad or if you are just making excuses to try to stall and drag this situation out longer than necessary. I have never been so confused in my entire life.

I feel like no one is actually listening to me when I talk about how much pain I'm in and how much I'm suffering. How are you all ok with seeing me like this??? My dad helps me take care of the cats, makes sure I can get to work, and makes me food sometimes. He helps me with a lot of things and I do appreciate that. I wish that he could take my pain away though. I don't want to suffer anymore. I have no quality of life. I need help now. :'(

I miss my mom a lot. I wish she could help me. She used to always be there and take care of me when I was sick. It has been so long since I saw her or talked to her but I can't even try to have a conversation or she will attack me.

It also sucks seeing everyone else living their lives and having fun while I'm trapped in this bubble. I try not to get depressed about it but I'm having a hard time. I want to have fun sometimes too... I need something good to happen to me for real.

I'm not the type of person to hold grudges or anything but it is going to take me a long time to heal from all of this. I hate feeling like this and I am so sad. I wish I could stop crying but I don't think I'm going to stop anytime soon. What did I do that was so bad to deserve this punishment? I was already getting punished for years before all of this started. I guess maybe I deserve it because I'm a terrible person. I can't say that I've never gotten to do fun things but the majority of my life has been hell.

I'm sorry I'm a disappointment. I'm sorry I dropped out of college and I'm not as successful as I should be. I'm sorry I trapped myself in a dead end job. I'm sorry my work isn't good enough for anyone. I don't work hard enough. I'm sorry I am a mess all the time and I can't get my shit together. I feel like I'm so annoying and just a burden to everyone. I'm sorry for asking for help.

Since no one will help me, I decided that the only way I can help myself right now is to reduce my hours at work. Tomorrow morning I am going to email the director to tell him that I want to cut my hours. I can work 30 hours a week and retain my benefits. I don't know how much it will help at this point but I can't wait around anymore. I desperately need some sort of relief, especially after today. I can't fucking handle it anymore. Everything sucks so bad.

Honestly, I don't want to talk to anyone right now unless they can help me feel better. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be a bitch. I don't want to annoy everyone with my problems and be a downer. I feel like a broken record since I have the same problems almost every day. It's also going to be very busy the rest of the week so I probably won't have the energy to get on here either. I don't have much else to say. I'm going to force myself to eat something and put ice on my swollen toes. I will probably get ready for bed after that. I'm sorry for being crabby and miserable. I hope that I'm not an emotional wreck tomorrow.

I hope everyone enjoys the rest of the week. Thanks for putting up with me.

#personal

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conkreetmonkey · 5 months

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(heavy academic vent post, don't read if you're not in the mood. I don't want to bring anyone's vibe down. Minors pls don't read!)

So last night I found out that I missed an important assignment that's probably going to cost me a credit. I previously missed one, which was no biggie because it was only worth 15%, but this one was worth 20%. It doesn't seem like a big deal until it's taken into consideration that the final exam, taking place tomorrow, is worth a whopping 40% of the final grade, so even if I absolutely ace the exam, which I probably won't because I'm only human, the highest possible mark I can get is 65%, which I probably won't because the 15% assignment was marked by the unseen hardass TA who the teacher has had to keep reigned in because they don't even look at the assignment rubric and just go absolutely feral, docking marks for things the teacher explicitly told us to do and needing to be corrected on it.

(btw, the outstanding 10% is the stupid online discussion posts that I have not done for any class because I would honestly rather tear out all my toenails with a pair of pliers than subject myself to that. 2020 gave me a stress response to that shit. It feels like the academic equivalent of being forced to do a dance by a Walmart manager)

Since I bombed almost every class last year, my parents have told me I need to pass every class this year or they will withdraw financial support, something I totally agree is fair because I wasted so, so much tuition and residence money on pretty much zilch. The thing is, until last night, I thought I was passing. My father has withdrawn the money from my college fund and will soon be paying for my next semester (I paid for the first). Due to this, I am going to have to tell them I may fail a course and they should hold on to the money. They're probably going to be very, very mad. It's going to ruin an entire evening and it will cement me as the disappointing formerly gifted child for the foreseeable future.

The thing is, I can't tell them tonight like I've been steeling myself for because they've decided we're putting up the stupid Christmas tree. They're tidying the house for the obligatory happy family photo ops, as if we all haven't had a bad year for reasons too private to describe. So now I have to get tidied up and pretend to be a cheerful little clam for the phone camera, knowing I have to get up at 8:00 tomorrow to get fucking slaughtered by multiple exams, drag myself home, and tell my parents that I've failed them yet again. Putting up the tree at all just feels cynically bittersweet at this point. The youngest child has grown out of Santa, but we all have to keep up the act out of pure obligation to a tradition originating in happier times. While tidying, my mom threw out a houseplant I got her for mother's day, and it stung more than I'd like to admit. She claimed it was "pretty much" dead, but we all know it wasn't. She threw it out with a perfectly good pot attached. Basically, she's in one of those Mom Moods, where she leeches vibe arsenic into the air, making the rest of the day feel like walking on napalm-filled eggshells.

I feel trapped, and I'm tortured by the knowledge that I brought this on myself by forgetting about an assignment. I hate school so goddamn much, but I need to keep forcing myself through because a) I'll never survive in this economy otherwise, and b) if I don't use the rare oppourtunity of being able to attend university as a guy in a first-world country, I'll feel like an ungrateful POS for the rest of my life. I still feel like I should be forcing myself to become a doctor even though I don't want to and it's not expected of me, just because it's the "correct" thing to do. Instead, I'm shooting for a worthless bachelors of English that I don't even want just because if I'm not in uni I'll be obligated to work a shitty factory job until my bones crack to make up for it. No matter which way I go, I'm either miserable or a disappointment, and surviving outside of this house is impossible no matter what I do because this country's economy is collapsing in on itself. Even with my low-value degree, I'd be barely scraping by. I don't want any university degree. I hate university while studying something I like. Getting a valuable degree like business administration or bookkeeping would be like chewing glass. It's probably not even feasible if I couldn't manage this.

No matter which way I go, I'm trapped. I'm miserable in school, but making a living without a valuable degree in this country is impossible. No matter what I do, I'll be living in my parents' basement for at least the next 3-5 years because the rent in this town is absurd, so living somewhere else would mean full-time min wage employment with at least 2 roommates, and I'd be counting individual dollars at the Walmart checkout with no real prospect of saving.

I want to sprint away from my life screaming and start over, but that would be a death sentence. My only option is school and I hate it and I know I can do it but I have so much executive dysfunction that it feels like climbing Mt. Everest, as does doing much of anything aside from sleeping. My antidepressants aren't cutting it anymore. There's no way I couldn't be depressed in these circumstances, where I'm surrounded by options and they're all shit sandwiches. I doubt therapy or upping my prozac dosage would even help. The problem is the crushing pressure and lack of non-miserable prospects. No matter what I do, the next 5 or even 10 years of my life are set to be a miserable slog. There's no escape.

I wish I could run, but where could I go? It's just as bad everywhere. You cannot land a non-body-ruining job that allows you to afford rent without a degree anymore, simple as. Because of AI, I couldn't even make money writing/drawing porn anymore, which has been my backup plan since forever. The only way out of this basement is through school, and due to the fuckup that broke the camel's back, I'm probably going to have to put myself through it, all while my parents think less and less of their previously "gifted" child (aka, I was neurodivergent but went undiagnosed and thus had a lonely childhood. People knew and never told me). I want to explode. I wish I could get hit by a car and break all my bones so it wouldn't all be my fault anymore, and I could sue and finally stop worrying about money. I am so close to just pulling an internet scam so I can have enough money to get out of this life. I need out and there's no way out. I need money and there's no way to make money. I'm tired and stressed all the time and I want to scream and I can't even complain about it because I'm technically priveliged. I should be happy that I get to go to school because this is the best there is. I hate living in this world. I want to escape but I can't. I'm a rat in a cage.

#vent post #tw vent #vent #personal vent #venting

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frogmanfae · 1 year

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This but post season 2

Simon POV

I suppose I noticed it for the first time when we were watching a movie together. Wille had stopped his absentminded stroking of my arm as we were cuddled up together. It was about two months after we had gone public about our relationship, which isn't exactly enough time for the monarchy to fully recover but they tend to adapt to things quickly out of necessity to keep up appearances, so things had mostly calmed down. Despite this, Wille had seemingly gotten more and more distant the longer time went on.

"Wille?" I asked. "Is something wrong?" No response. "Wille? "

"Hm?" He lifted his head to look at me. It was as if I had woken him from a long rest.

"Are you okay? What's going on?" I had pushed some hair away from his eyes.

He shook his head. "Nothing. I'm fine." He smiled. It was so obviously fake. He yawned and said something about a test he had the next day.

Since then, he got progressively distant. It started with cancelling plans, then making excuses to not make plans at all. Eventually it escalated to him avoiding me. Now, I hardly ever see him, but he looks okay when I do. Rather, he would look okay to anyone else. But me? I know him too well to be fooled by the concealer he wears to cover his growing eye bags.

*************

I bite the strings of my hoodie as I flip through the channels on the TV, Rosh sitting on the couch next to me and Ayub on the floor between us.

"I can't believe he'd pull this shit." Rosh exclaims. "He's been nothing but a dick to you this entire-"

"Shh!" I wave my hand in her direction. My eyes are glued to the screen, the news channel showing a heartbreaking story. "Oh my god... This is it. This is the reason Wilhelm has been so distant. Erik's birthday is this week..."

"Simon-"

"How could I be so oblivious? It's not that I messed things up, he's hurting!" I run my hands over my face. "Oh my god..."

"Hey, how were you supposed to know? Neither of us knew! I mean, what average citizen knows all the birthdays of important people?" Ayub attempts to reassure.

"Yeah! Besides he didn't tell you how he was feeling, so isn't it kind of his fault?" Rosh offers.

"The fuck? No! Of course it's not his fault!" I snap. "Wilhelm has been forced to conceal his emotions his entire life from everyone! It doesn't come easy for him to talk to people! Not even me! I have to be willing to really listen and we haven't done anything that would give him the right opportunity."

"I'm just saying that he should talk to you instead of pushing you away!"

"Rosh, it's not that easy for him. It took me a long time to realize that myself. He wants to talk to me, I could see it in his eyes. He just feels like he can't." I sigh, taking out my phone to message him.

ᴡɪʟʟᴇ, ɪ ᴊᴜsᴛ sᴀᴡ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇᴡs. ɪ'ᴍ sᴏ sᴏʀʀʏ ɪ ʜᴀᴅ ɴᴏ ɪᴅᴇᴀ. ʜᴏᴡ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɪɴɢ?

I wait a long time. At some point, Rosh and Ayub leave. Wille never opens my message. I never fall asleep.

*************

When I get to school, he isn't there. Nowhere in sight. It worries me to know he's upset and I can't find him.

"Ah! Felice!" I run over to her. She and I have gotten closer in the last several months, but she's still more Wille's friend than mine. "Felice! Have you seen Wille anywhere?"

"Uhh... No. No he went back to the palace yesterday." She shuffles on her feet. "You know, to uh..." She frowns. "Prepare for the ceremony tomorrow."

I run my hands through my hair. "God, I feel like such an idiot. I had no idea!"

"I'm surprised the choir isn't doing a tribute, honestly. I thought we would have started working on it a month ago."

"Well a lot was going on with the Royal Family a month ago." I sigh. "We'll probably sing the traditional Hillerska song, we work on that every day."

She nods. "Yeah, that would make sense. How's Wille doing? He's refused to talk to me."

"I have no idea! He's been avoiding me for weeks. You know how he gets, he feels like he has to be alone when he's hurting. I didn't realize that this was coming up so fast..." I rub my eyes.

"Simon, it's not your fault. You-"

She's interrupted by the sound of chairs against the floor. I quickly find my place, holding forced posture behind an empty chair as we greet the teacher. She allows us to be seated and begins class, but my mind is on other things.

*************

I try to call Wille again (several times, actually) but he never answers. He still hasn't opened my message from last night.

If only he were a normal teenager. I could go to his house to check on him myself. But he's not a normal teenager. He's the Crown Prince of Sweden. I can't exactly just show up to the Royal Palace unannounced. Especially not now. Not when they're mourning their eldest son and brother.

Wille POV

I see that Simon messaged me. Several times. I want to message back, but I honestly don't have the energy. I know that I've been distant lately, but it isn't a matter of not wanting to be around him. I desperately want to be around him. I've simply been too exhausted, mentally, anyway, to do anything with anyone. Even Simon. All I want to do is wrap myself in a blanket and cry.

I didn't even notice myself pulling away until maybe a week ago. It's a bad habit, I suppose. Erik always told me I have a lot of those.

Since I've gotten to the palace, I haven't done much of anything. I've spent all my time in Erik's room, wrapped up in his blanket. His scent has all but faded away from it.

Sometimes I think back on our last conversation and wonder if he knew. He realized I had met someone I really liked, but not once did he assume it was a girl. Not outwardly anyway. Maybe I had said something when we got drunk together some night. Maybe he saw the way I looked at his body guard (who happened to be quite attractive, though much too old for me) as opposed to how I looked at the girls he brought over.

Maybe he knew but didn't say anything so I would be able to tell him on my own terms.

Or maybe he had no idea and I'm reading into things too much.

God I hate this. I hate not being able to talk to him. I hate being left to wonder. All of these what if questions that will never be answered. They're suffocating.

Why did this happen to me?

Simon POV

We have the day off of class to mourn the late Crown Prince. I spend all of it on my phone trying to reach Wille, but I know it's no use. On every TV channel, there's a tribute to Erik. I shut it off because I don't feel like I should have the right. Why are we not only able, but encouraged to watch this? This should be private time for the Royal Family to grieve. The fact that they have to keep appearances for the camera is sickening. There was a close up on Wille. He looked normal enough, but I noticed streaks if dark gray beneath his eyes. It didn't take much for me to realize the makeup wasn't tear resistant.

*************

Wille didn't come back to school until three days after the ceremony. He sent me a message yesterday.

ɪ'ᴍ sᴏʀʀʏ, sɪᴍᴍᴇ.

What the hell was he apologizing for? Did he not want to talk to me ever again? Did I not do enough? Are we over?

"Simon." I look up from my paper to see Felice. "Uh... Wille is back. He's in his room if you want to see hi-"

I collect my things and just go. I practically run to his room. By the time I knock on his door, I'm out of breath.

"Wille? Are you in there?"

There's a long pause. "Simon? Is that you?"

"Yes, it's me." I place my palm flat against the door. "I'm here."

"... The door is unlocked."

I take that as permission to enter. I gently shut the door behind me. If I didn't know any better, I wouldn't have even noticed Wille was there. He was completely engulfed in his bedding. The only part of him I could see was some hair and a sliver of his eyes. They were wet and red and puffy and yet showed no emotion.

I gingerly sat on the edge of the bed by his chest. We stay silent for a while, not sure of what to say or how to say it. That is until-

"I'm sorry."

"What?"

"I'm so sorry, Simon."

"For what? You have nothing to be sorry abou-"

"I totally cut you out of my life for weeks with no explanation. I didn't even realize I was doing it. I'm so sorry. It's not that I didn't want to be around you, because I did. I do. I love being around you I just... I don't know. I didn't feel like I could be around anyone." He got quieter. "All I wanted was to be with Erik..."

"Oh, Wille..." I brush the hair away from his eyes. "Wille you have nothing to apologize for. I'm the one who's sorry. I didn't realize that his birthday was approaching so soon. I should have been there for yo-"

"Simon, why would you have known. I honestly don't even think you know my birthday." I make a mental note to google that later. "Why would you know his? Honestly, I think I'd be jealous if you did." He chuckles.

I smile. "I suppose. I still feel bad, though. How about I cook for you? Not tonight, but when you feel up for it again. It won't make up for it, but... I think we could both use some time to just talk, yeah?"

He nods. We fall silent again. We remain like this for a while. Just together.

"I bought his gift." He abruptly breaks the silence.

"What?" I pushed his hair away from his eyes again.

"Erik's gift. I already bought it. In the summer." He shifts the blanket away from his face a little bit more. "I like buying people's gifts well ahead of time." He smiles. "He knew I did and he wouldn't shut up about it. He spent months-" he drops his smile. "He spent... the rest of his life... trying to get me to tell him what it was. I never did. It was a surprise. He never found out..."

"Wille-"

"They were a new set of hubcaps." He shut his eyes. "They were silver, he always preferred it to gold. They we're engraved too. They had his name and mine and said once a brother always a brother. He would always say that to me when I got into some situation and thought he was upset with me. It was some stupid recycled slogan, but it did reassure me that no matter how mad he was he always loved me." He smiled again, but it wasn't a happy smile. "He loved that car too. That damn car. How ironic is it that I got him a gift for the thing that ultimately killed him with a statement that isn't even true."

"What do you mean it isn't true?"

"Simon, I used to be a brother. Now I'm not. Once a brother but not forever would be more fitting."

"Wille..." He shakes his head. "Wille you're still his brother just-" he shakes his head harder, squeezing his eyes shut so tightly I could see every wrinkle his face was capable of making. I stop trying to reassure him, it'll only cause him more pain. It isn't what he needs right now. Luckily, I think I know what he does need. "... Would you like me to hold you?"

In the most broken, pleading voice I've ever heard, Wille barely musters to ask, "please?"

I pull him into the tightest hug I possibly can and he cries into my chest. And we just stay like that. I know he should have talked to me, but I also should have asked. We both need to work on communication. It's okay though, we've been through enough to know we can make it through a rough patch.

Right now, I just have to be here for Wille. That's it. Nothing more. Nothing less. Just be here with him.

And I wouldn't rather anything else.

#young royals #hurt/comfort #erik's birthday #wille #Simon #crown prince wilhelm #lgbtq #lgbt #queer #gay #mlm #hillerska #sweden #wilmon #please someone just let them be happy for once

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