#i keep telling myself ill do it

[haahka]

Kinnporsche x textposts pt. 8 [more]

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche memes #myedit #last batch before im off for a holiday #my textpost stash is full of screenshots of posts i know i had a great idea for but have now forgotten #its very confusing sometimes like. what WAS i thinking. #and every time i still keep telling myself; ill remember what i wanted to do with this #no need to make notes #fool fool fOOL #kptp:mine #kpts #kp

[dragonseeds]

there’s a horrible sickness in me that makes me want to stop and replay da:i whenever i start a different game. how am i supposed to resist the story of my own unwilling apotheosis? especially as lavellan, who doesn’t believe in the maker and who has every right to hate and mistrust the chantry but chooses to use what power they have to try save people, to fix what’s broken, no matter how afraid they are or how careful they have to be. walking side by side with the great trickster god/adversary of your people without knowing, befriending him, changing his mind about this world but ultimately not his choice. he understands what’s happening to you because it happened to him once and he gives you his castle, built over the place where he sundered the world, and paints your story there in frescos that will last long after you’re gone and after the story has been retold and reshaped so many times that the truth of who you are and what you did is lost—just as he did his own story, which was lost and perverted by war and propaganda, and he shows all of this to you knowing you’ll understand because you’ve lived through something similar, grown into something larger than yourself and your true name, and it doesn’t change anything but. he wanted you to see him just for a moment, even if he can’t tell you everything (or almost anything) and you can’t save him—because he owes it to you as a someone who is a friend, almost an equal, and because there’s no one else left who knows: a direct result of what he did to your people and which he now seeks to undo at the cost of this world.

#dragon age #solas #literally i am ILL #i love religious trauma and stifling hypocrisy and walking carefully so carefully through a place i don’t belong but i’ve chosen to be #and questioning everything and losing and discovering myself over and over #and accidentally becoming friends with my work colleagues #and most importantly dating an actual god who is just a nerdy little guy who keeps fucking everything up #he’s such a liar but he wants to badly to tell the truth but he can’t he won’t #yet he only really lies through omission and speaks carefully so as not to give himself away #ok and also he very much wanted the anchor and manipulated that whole situation #but he also shows you who he is and tells you a sliver of the truth #and he didn’t have to do that! but he chose to—he wants you to see him and on some level to save him from his path i think #also i debated sooo long about the phrasing ‘almost an equal’ because i think he does consider everyone as worthy of life & choice as him! #but ultimately he is making the decisions of a god whether or not he acknowledges himself as one #he is deciding for a whole world—so i think there’s some cognitive dissonance there #and i went with almost #i’m fr stalled out in the middle of bg3 like i miss solas i miss my work friends

[windydrawallday]

"I need a change and I need it fast / I know that any day could be the last... "

#myart #legends to keep telling #bionicle fanart #bionicle #karzahni #I MISSED DRAWING MY HORRIBLE MAN AAA #and rendering in this chaotic way #still i think the colors look a bit dull? my old bionicle art was made in SAI now i use Krita #and sometimes is hard for me to feel comfortable with a good soft brush that blends nicely #still im happy i managed to make this :') i luv him so much #I NEED MORE ART OF HIM SO I GUESS ill start to do it myself lmao #my beloved #PS i based this design on both his mutated toy and some random mocs plus his guide book artwork #still ill probably tweak it a bit more when i sit down and do a properly character study

[todayisafridaynight]

metal_pipe_falling.mp4

under the cut is more doodles of arakawa in his coat(s) and sawashiro doodles cause Lol

#rgg #ryu ga gotoku #ryu ga gotoku 7 #yakuza like a dragon #yakuza series #yakuza 7 #masumi arakawa #jo sawashiro #snap sketches #ive been telling myself for months to make color palette refs for these knuckleheads #and while waiting for The Time I Should Leave For Class i started doodling the arakawa sheet #and then i finished that and was like 'oh hes a bit lonely now aint he' so i went and did sawashiro #great opportunity for me to fix some colors too... ill prob revisit this thing like 90 times just to update colors down the line #its what i do with my other chara ref sheets #the art old as hell on those but i keep the colors up to date.. lol #also can i legally bully myself on this post. speaking of colors. i really forgot jo's tie is more of a pink than a red. STUPID ASS #i love makin refs like these... makea me feel like im workin on a show or somethin.. teehee.. #also Dress-Up-Doll kinda vibes... teehee 2x #i prob wont post any art that actually fts sawashiro's body moles but i mean. might as well share the refs #just so its not Arakawa And His Fifty Coats And Pinkyless Hand under the cut LOL #abt arakawas coats tho im debating on mixing in which ones i draw yk.. like the scarf look will be like. early 90's #then the coat we see him with in y7 is mid-90's onward. to be cute yk. we'll see how i feel down the line we know me im fickle lol #also yeah i purposefully left the tail of sawashiro's tattoo: its just supposed to be a ref of how his tattoo is positioned #and while adjusting the tattoo i remembered an ask someone sent me bout ichis tattoo... lol.. #cant believe anon didnt have to send me that reddit link we coulda just waited until this summer to see ichi's '''''full tatt''''''' HELP #STILL NOT OVER IT ok im done here. bye #an aside though for some reason arakawa's jawline feels diff compared to his 20's onward #idk if its cause of the ref image i use's lighting that makes 20's arakawa's chin more squared compared to the rounder shape he gets #mysterious.... oh well was tryin not to think too hard bout it since these arent supposed to be super detailed #just colors and whatever

[frogintheair]

🐙🦑

⬇️ bonus sketch ⬇️

#fire emblem #fire emblem engage #splatoon #pandreo #alear #my art #hahaha yeah i keep telling myself ill upload this but then i never do #BUT FINALLY. the world will see it #i might do more actually with other characters too i have lots of misc. sketches ahehgjfh

[saltyermilk]

So like... i took the two previous artworks i made right? And i umm...

I cant stop laughing at this

#rain world #rain world downpour #rainworld #funny #slugcat #memes #rw survivor #five pebbles #pansear doodles anthro au #pansear doodles #biden blast #drawing slugcats with an rpg status will be back #keep telling myself I'll make the next one but i keep forgetting:( #ill do it at aome point

[skitskatdacat63]

Boy King Seb :D

#thank you to Grace for the idea of making his chivarly collar red bull instead <33333 #he was gonna have both collars but then making that one made me suffer so no not today #this was a lot of fun but also made me suffer. but i keep looking at it and being like AAAHHHHH BABY!!! BABY BOY!!!!!!! #can you believe i tried to do this in one night? i cant #i stopped and came back to it and was like 'no way you could do this in one sitting at 1 am' #this is kinda the ascended form of that very first sketch i made for this au! concentrated boy king sebby!!! #i say to myself i need to take a break from drawing complicated things but youll prob see a nando version of this in less than a week ;;; #okay about the drawing(i wrote good tags and then tumblr deleted them so these are a bit inferior AGH): #this is typical pouty seb but is also referenced off a specific pic from AD 2009(beloved) #its very important to me how emotionally open Seb is. im not sure the specific context of this. maybe after a triumph? #but instead of being that typical stoic serious detached kind of ruler; i like him being openly emotional(think AD 2010) #its important as well for his dichotomy with nando and how they choose to portray themselves #seb is very assured in himself and his rule vs. nando who is more insecure and bitter about his #so nando takes strides to portray himself in that more stoic calculating way bcs he feels like it helps him legitimize himself better #whereas seb has absolutely no care for outward public image and shows how he feels and is loved for it(nando hates it but loves it) #not that nando cant be fun and whimsical!! but to me he always seems a bit more mysterious; like i can never tell his true thoughts tbh #anyways i feel like ill finish 10 more drawings before i end up posting the lore pt 2 LMAO #its just a lot harder to organize and layout compared to part 1 which was just an explanation #pt2 would be a mix of more world building/characterization/anecdotes ive talked about with mutuals(LOVE YOU GUYS!!!) #i have a *lot* of ideas (gotta whip out my notes app every once in a while to write down stuff abt it) just hard to put into a coherent pos #sebastian vettel #f1 #formula 1 #f1 art #formula 1 art #f1 fanart #formula 1 fanart #catie.art. #*ill prob make a process post later if anyone is curious!! its fun to write abt my process and influences and such #boy king au

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

.

#tw suicide #no seriously heed the tw this is probably upsetting i just. i need to say it somewhere and i will not say it to my family. #puddleglum hours #personal #its just i was thinking. #tother day the doctor asked: do you regret it? about the suicide attempt tuesday night. #and i said something that i still feel: if i regret anything about it it's that i didn't succeed. #they're talking of discharging me tomorrow or something and im just. #what do i need to do to be kept in for longer?! damn it all i *know* how i could kill myself in here. #but i don't want to. i need them to save me #because i can't save myself! if they discharge me tomorrow i think it very likely ill be dead before the end of the week! or at least in #hospital from another attempt! this new med has made me more numb but the thoughts haven't gone away just muted. and then. #at times like this im perfectly wild about it! i cannot keep myself alive i need them to do it for me! #but when ive seen the doctor each time its been when im exhausted and numb and i don't care but that is not the case always. #i don't know. i don't see a good outcome any which way. #hopefully tomorrow the doctor sees me at a time when im feeling like this i think. #because i think i need to tell them. but i don't know how or even if it matters #and sometimes i just want to die. #im so tired of living guys. why #editing to add i am still on hiatus and if you want to contact me and know my discord contact me there #so i will not be responding to anything here for this moment at least

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

every night i wake up and say "this is the night i respond to my friends' messages" and every morning i say "i swear i'll do it when i wake up"

#repeat repeat repeat until you get stuck on that cycle of guilt and forgetfulness and guilt and stress and guilt and Oops Forgot Again and- #see this is why i'm really bad at making/keeping friends!!! #bc i meet someone and then they text me and then i Never Reply #bc i wait too long dithering on how to answer or i forget to open it and then its Been too Long #biting myself so so hard #mentally. not physically. im not into that. ....probably #hmmm apologies for Venting On Main im just feeling this intensely before i turn in #yet another day of telling myself ill do something important and another day of not doing it #absolutely unprompted #unfortunately i also tend to do this with asks/replies and it kills me inside every time #not as much as accidentally ghosting people i care about but Wowzah #i simply cannot escape this mental block when it comes to anything #i still have to reply to my grandpa's responding father's day text. its been a week. #wailing howling clawing my way into the cold dark earth etc

[dearcharms]

i shouldnt have listened to the me from 3 years ago when she told me to get into paralive I SHOULDNT HAVE LISTENED ARRRGHHH im sane! im so sane!

#i put it off for SO LONG #like i kept telling myself ill try to get into it #but the stars never aligned until just now #AND IT'S GETTING TO ME ARRHGHGRHGHRHGR #IM JUST MOSTLY BANGING MY HEAD ON A WALL #im ok. im sane ab allen im so sane #god #AGHGHGHHHHH #who am i gonna talk to?? #do i keep this pararai infested brain to myself?? HELL NO???? #i need my friends to suffer. ill blab to them

[lokh]

also apparently i have an illness called 'i cant throw a bowling ball straight'

#what people keep Telling me is that at the end of the swing ill turn my hand #so that its palm down.. and it fucks up my trajectory every time #and what i keep Saying is that it LITERALLY FEELS LIKE IM THROWING IT STRAIGHT ‼️ #the problem might be that im letting go too late so to compensate for the weight #my hand automatically turns..... #also im not used to throwing underarm for. anything #theres a lot of other problems with my form but at least i can tell by myself #this one is like. i promise u im not doing this on purpose #now i Will say. sometimes the natural spin this adds to the ball saves my life #whenever theres that one pin left in the corner... a lot of the time ill get lucky and what looks like a gutterball #will hit it...

[finniestoncrane]

trying to look outwardly mean and scary and pretending i don't give a fuck is hard when i smile like i'm filled with rainbows at leaves with a neat shape and also at leaves without a neat shape bcause i don't want them to feel left out

#THERAPY TONIGHT i can't wait to tell margaret that i let myself be angry!!! #'no it's ok i processed it' #do have to tell her i'm in the processed stage of realising my old counsellor was right #and margaret will be like 'that's such a sad statement' #and i'll have to be like 'ok margaret you can't keep saying that everything about me is sad you're making it hard to stay upbeat' #also i will try to get back to messages eventually i am just so mentally ill i am SORRY #finnie shouts into the void

[saryasy]

4 months into the new year and I still haven't read a single book.

yeah im okay why are you asking

#i keep telling myself ill read during the slow shifts #then i end up doing anything but that #sary rants

[gentil-minou]

i've written 36k for this fic but my brain has reached the point where it keeps telling me im a sucky writer and should just quit and ahhh i need the anxiety to shut up and just let me have fun and not have imposter syndrome

#im actually really self conscious about my writing like even if i do think im good if i say anything more the anxiety is like nope :) #and it all comes from mean kids in high school not liking m short story about an alien getting adopted #which like yeah sounds dumb but i LIKED IT #anyways write for yourself yes but what do i do when im my own worse critic and it keeps telling me to quit #i dont think im going to but im afraid that what happened to me in the ml fandom is gonna happen again and ill get burnt out by #my own stupid high standards and expectations for myself #anyways #i need to eat #maybe im just hangry #maybe i do need a break and i think i will take one once i finish chapter 3 and since im going camping this weekend #but i want to post chapter 2 before i go so we shall see #bushy rants

[opens-up-4-nobody]

The way that the sun hits leaves and clouds. I feel like I could watch the colors change forever. If I could slow down for that long.

#i keep forgetting a have a deck now. i can go outside and sit there #im doing that now. sitting in the corner of a deck full of empty chairs. staring up at a big pine tree where the sun is striking it gold #at the top. i like how thr light hits the needles. if the sky was black it would look like its on fire #theres a tree outside my bedroom window too. in the morning. after the sunrises it catches thr light and refelcts the most perfect shade #of green. the kind of green that flutters translucent like youre looking up from the bottom of a pool. the light the light its all about #the sun. everything everything is about the sun. when i start my project I'll be focused on understanding how organisms catch the light bc #its so incredible and complicated it would make my chest swell to bursting if there wasnt an empty bleeding wound in my gut. a #metaphorical wound of course. i dunno. its just difficult bc right now my mood is inflated by hormones. not even that much i think I'm #just at what shoulf be a normal level of happiness so i can be slow for a minute. but just a minute bc i kno it won't last long #sorry i cant shut the fuck up when im like this but i dunno i just feel like i havr to document these ephemeral moments before they're gone #its just difficult when you kno the world is so full of beautiful things but 95% of the time your eyes are too clouded to see it #everyone tells me i work too much but i feel like im just staring off into space being miserable 60% of the time. ive just done so much #damage over the past few years im coming into a new lab as damaged goods. ive got an albatross around my neck in thr form of data i #collected so self destructively that the idea of having anything to do with its publication makes me hate myself. everytime someone tells #me good job on collecting so so so much data it feels like they're congratulating me for breaking something within myself. like i slit my #wrists and bled out on a lab bench and theyre saying good job and theyre excited for me and i have to grin and bear it and pretend im #excited too. but im not bc ive burned everything inside me to ash. so when im elevated enough to be distracted by the clouds and trees it #feels like healing. like seeing angels. beautiful ephemeral beams of light. i wish i could slow down enough to watch them. but now thr sun #is hitting the horizon and the sky is going gradually dark and i should go inside. bc i have many things to do in the morning. so that's #what ill do. and ill try to get more thsn 6hrs of sleep but its hard when your body is vibrating over with energy #but at least i dont feel tired in the morning. something in my head must be on fire #unrelated #hm i should maybe add a tw to this #tw self injury #but its the kind thst makes u good at ur Job. its the kind ppl reward. so they don't understand when u say its destroying ur life #but im trying to get better. i say as i gear up for an insane semester lol but i do mean it

[hannah-fannah9503]

Really, really brief character study for p!Martyn and p!Sausage because it's 4am and my brain won't shut up about pirates okay thanks

Martyn woke from his very fitful sleep to the muffled sound of music coming from downstairs. Confused and somewhat annoyed, he tossed aside the thin yellow blanket in his Kestrels bed. Leaving his room, he could see all of the other doors were open except for one. Grumbling under his breath, he traipsed his way down the stairs ready to chew out whoever had decided to play music in the middle of the night.

When he made it though, he stopped short at the sight of Sausage sitting alone at the barstools. A jukebox across the room was playing some sea shanty, but the man at the bar didn't seem to be listening to it. He was hunched over a half-empty mug with his eyes closed. As Martyn slowly made his way over, he was almost convinced the other man was asleep, had it not been for the way his hand was clenched tightly around the mug handle.

"Uh…Sausage?"

The other man shrieked and jumped, eyes flying wide open and sloshing ale over the floor. He whined at the sight of it, grumbling as he stood to get a mop from the corner. "Look what you made me do, Martyn! Now the floor is all wet…"

"Ah, my bad." Martyn took the mop and quickly helped clean up the mess. It only took a few minutes, and once they were done both of them sat down at the bar again. Sausage let out a heavy sigh, resting his head on the table.

"So, uh…what are you doing awake so late?" Martyn finally asked. Sausage hummed before lifting his head and grinning.

"Drinking myself silly, of course! Isn't it obvious?" He giggled again after saying it, but Martyn could hear the insecurity in his voice.

He raised an eyebrow, staring at him as the music faded out only to restart the same song.

"Don't look at me like that! What, you think I'm lying? Why would I lie?" Sausage demanded, oddly defensive considering Martyn hadn't actually said a word to him.

Martyn shrugged. "I dunno, just seems to me like there's something on your mind."

"The only thing on my mind is coin and ale." Sausage said with a huff, crossing his arms like that sealed the deal. Martyn hummed, getting up to pour two more mugs for them both.

They sat in silence for a while, nothing but the music in the background between them. After Sausage had drained about half of his mug, though, he leaned back in his seat and sighed. "Hey, Martyn. Where did you come from?"

Martyn hesitated for a second. He couldn't exactly tell him he fell from the sky after going through Doc's new strange portal. "I, uh, dunno. Some island nearby. Washed up on shore a few days ago, and now I'm here. You know how it is."

Thankfully, Sausage didn't seem to be in the mood to press him for information. He just hummed, staring up at the ceiling. Mihawk the macaw was sleeping in the nearby windowsill, and Sausage seemed to be watching him very carefully. "I've been on the Isles for a long time, you know."

Martyn nodded, tracing the rim of his mug with a finger. "I kinda assumed."

"I'm not the only one though. Kyle's been here a while, too. And Scott! Oh boy, he's been here since he was just a little bitty baby! But you know, you get to know people when you're here for a while. I have some good friends."

Martyn hummed, unsure where the other man was going with this. But Sausage didn't even seem to realize he was there anymore. He was just talking to the ceiling at this point. "The other day…at that weird island the recruiter sent us to…"

Martyn let out a small, unintelligible, "Oh." That whole incident had been…strange. And eerie. And creepy. And he still hated knowing that that weird little purple thing was running over the Isles somewhere, completely free. He didn't know why the others were letting it go after what they'd seen. If it had been up to him, he'd have tied an anchor to it and dropped it into the sea as soon as it appeared on the Isles.

"I never really talked to Aimsey all that much. They seemed nice, but I mean, they are a Kite, and you know how it is with them…but she'd come over and talk to Guqqie a lot, and the two of them were so close. And Guqqie…" Sausage's voice became very, very small.

Martyn felt awful. Of course, Sausage was worried about his friend. The other Kestrel, Guqqie. Martyn hadn't exactly been fond of her for the little amount of time they'd spoken, but she was a Kestrel, so it made sense that she was probably decently close with Sausage, right? It only made sense he'd be worried about them.

"I…don't know what happened to Aimsey." Martyn murmured, keeping his voice low. Out of respect? He didn't know. Truth was, he didn't really know anything about anything about this place, but he had a feeling he was about to get wrapped up in something very, very bad here. "But didn't those people say they wanted Guqqie for a job? So she'll come back with money, right?"

Sausage shook his head. "That's just it. If it was just a job, she should've been back by now. Something's not right with this. And what if…what if they're actually…gone?"

Martyn's stomach sank. "Gone…gone, as in, like, dead? Dead gone?"

Sausage took a deep breath. "I…I don't know. I'm just…just…" He put his face in his hands and groaned, scrubbing at his face furiously. When he raised his head again, his eyes were red and the fake smile had returned. "Oh, but I'm probably worried over nothing! Aimsey probably just got lost fighting a whole bunch of slimy purple monsters, and Guqqie is probably just so overloaded with coin they have to take more than one trip! Both of them are fine, I'm sure!"

Martyn watched the other man stand up and down the rest of his mug in one big gulp. He giggled as he slid the empty mug across the counter to him. "Don't stay up too late drinking, Martyn! We got another big day of pirating tomorrow! Goodnight!" He watched with narrowed eyes as Sausage practically ran back up the stairs.

In the background, the jukebox began to skip. Martyn got up to take the disc out before it could really start getting under his skin. He set it on the rack alongside the other discs they had, then glanced up at the stairs leading to the upper floor of the Kestrels home. Sausage had clearly been genuinely really worried over the two missing pirates, Aimsey and Guqqie. Martyn had only been here for a few days, and already he knew–this was going to be a difficult one.

#thinking about pirates if you can't tell #specifically the pirates who've lived on the Isles for a while and probably know each other #might do another thing related to Scott later because I can see myself becoming obsessed with his character ngl #mcyt #fanfiction #martyn littlewoood #martyn itlw #martyn inthelittlewood #itlw #itlwlore #eyesandears #eh kinda? #i mean i have vague mentions to it but it's more of a brief character study tbh #oh well ill keep it #pirates smp #pirates #scurvyblr #pow creations #gonna post on ao3 tomorrow #can't be bothered to get my laptop to tag rn