#i keep almost dyeing my hair and then changing my mind so i bought wigs in the colors i wanted to dye it

[theantibridezilla]

Subtle Fantasy Colors from Overtone!

I normally don’t cover haircare products on TAB mainly because I’m natural and the natural hair blogging community is fairly well saturated. However, today’s feature is about color and actually goes well with the Pantone Color of the Year Ultra Violet, that I’ve been highlighting. Now when it comes to color, I’m no novice. I’ve been coloring my hair (or extensions) since about 2007/2008. I’ve done standard drug store/beauty supply box dyes, I’ve done Wella, BAQ henna rinses on my natural hair and my preferred ones which I’ve been doing since about 2013 are actually color rinses rather than dyes. I’ll dig deeper on that in a bit (yes, this will be a bit of a long post) but let’s just say although I’m not a licensed beautician or anything, I understand the mechanics of dying hair. And long before fantasy colors were trending, I was dabbling in that world with navy, teal, dark green, fuchsia, and purple thanks to process friendly rinse (NOT dye) brands like Manic Panic and Creative Image Adore.

In the past two to three years, fantasy hair colors (i.e. pastels, gray, rainbow hair, etc) have trended across Instagram and in the mainstream beauty space. If you’re unfamiliar with dying hair and especially what it means to “lift” hair, here’s the crash course. It’s very easy and literally a one step process (typically) to go darker than your natural hair shade because you’re only depositing color - just add the dye or rinse to your hair and you’re done. It takes more work and processing to go lighter. If you want a clearly visible lighter hair color (i.e. pastels or vibrant bold hues) on your current dark hair, you need to bleach first (developer + bleach powder) to at least a strawberry or honey blonde shade and then deposit color. And depending on how much lighter you’re trying to go from your natural hair shade, you may need to use some pretty strong developer which comes ranging from 10 to 40 with 40 being the most intense lifting power. If you just want something subtle, you can deposit a dye or rinse and depending on your starting color you may end up with something visible under low light or under sunlight (depending on the strength of the rinse/dye).  

As a general rule, aside from when I used to apply BAQ henna to my hair and scalp when I was newly natural, I DO NOT color or do any kind of chemical processing to my natural hair. When I want to wear a new hair color, I turn to extensions and full lace wigs. And because I love to do an ombre from a natural-ish dark brown/brown-black shade into some form of fantasy color, it means that when rocking colorful wigs/extensions, I always have to first bleach using 20 developer to the ends and then deposit the color. I use a 20 developer because it lifts enough in one application for me to see visible results but I don’t have to be concerned about over processing. Why? Because if you’re buying extensions they’ve already been processed somehow unless you buy truly virgin hair - which tends not to be in typical African American textures. So, when I buy an Italian Yaki or Coarse Yaki unit in natural brown, there’s at least one texturizing process that’s already been applied. Bleaching it means at least a 2nd process and actual dye rather than a rinse would be a 3rd process. The more you process hair, the more you damage it and reduce the life of a unit. And if you’re doing a home color job, it’s best to be as gentle as possible to prevent over processing and damaging the hair (especially if it’s the hair growing out of your scalp).

I say all this to say, Overtone offered to send me samples of their hair color and after doing a bit of researching and learning that it was a rinse and not a dye, I was hyped to check them out. They sent me their Extreme Purple deep treatment and the Extreme Purple daily conditioner as well. The deep treatment is the rinse which will deposit the initial color and the daily conditioner basically acts as a touch up to condition while maintaining the color of the hair. They also sent me a tester amount of their rose gold deep treatment but I currently don’t have any units light enough for the color to even appear and I didn’t feel like bleaching anything. So, I’ve tabled that experiment for the moment. I actually did this color project right before NYE for NYE and my baby shower. But if you follow my on Tales of a Mommy 2 Be, or either of my IG accounts, you know that I’ve been rocking my natural hair almost exclusively for the last 2 months. So, this weekend I washed and conditioned the unit I colored using Overtone’s conditioner - and am now rocking the new look as you see above.

Now, one thing I really loved about Overtone’s FAQs is that they were very honest about what results you could expect to achieve. For instance, they make it clear that if you apply their rinse over previously colored hair (especially a fantasy color), you may not end up with the shade you purchased from them (i.e. adding red rinse over previously colored blue hair can get you purple). And they specifically noted that because it’s a depositing rinse and not a dye, if you’re brunette or darker, unless you bleach your hair prior to applying their colors, you may be left with a more subtle color. The reason I bring this up is because one, it’s important to manage expectations especially for hair color newbies. And two, there are other brands out here lying to people saying they can lift brunette and dark hair to super light fantasy colors without the use of bleach - and this just isn’t chemically possible. Looking at you Lime Crime with your Dark Unicorn dye.

Anywho, back to my experience. So, I have lots of wigs lying around and I opted to pull out an oldie but goodie to test the Overtone color. I chose an Italian Yaki wig I’ve had for about 3 years now and one where I originally bleached & dyed the ends using a teal shade from the Adore rinse line but that ended up depositing as this awesome forest green shade (see collage). I loved this color because I bought this wig for my trip to Seoul and Tokyo years ago and it was just an awesome unit! I even touched it up many times to keep that awesome green shade. But it was time for a change as the unit was now faded to bleach blonde ends, a sad looking greenish middle and the untouched natural brown roots. Now, because I was going to use a unit that had been previously colored, I already knew a few things:

Rich fantasy colors from Adore don’t fully rinse out no matter how hard you wash - even after washing the hair twice with Dawn dish soap (a beauty hack to strip color!).

Because they don’t fully rinse out, as vibrant as that purple hue from Overtone was, the likelihood that the end result would be that Extreme Purple was 50-50.

So, knowing these things, I was really open to seeing what would come of this project and I wasn’t going to be angry if the color wasn’t awesome. I applied color from the ends up to a little bit higher than where the green had been placed to ensure that the green would be completely covered. However, to hedge my bets, I did put the wig in a plastic bag and then left it in my cap blow dryer on high for about 20 - 30 minutes to help the color penetrate better. (Note: the blow dryer trick can work on anyone. If you’re dying your real hair, you can just cover with a plastic cap or bag and the heat off your head will help to make the color penetrate better).

What I Love About Overtone:

The Deep Treatment is actually really thick like a slightly goopy paste, making it easy to apply. The color sticks to where it needs to be and it’s not messy like when I usually use my Adore rinses which are very runny. I recommend using a tinting/color brush versus your hands so that you can be more precise.

The smell is divine, it’s minty fresh. Now, I don’t mind Adore rinses either because it’s not funky. But Overtone knocked it out of the park with that scent. I was able to apply this while my husband was home without him complaining about the smell.

Although I’m not vegan, it is a vegan friendly product which is also sulfate free.

Rinsing out with Overtone was WAY easier than when I use Adore. Adore rinses (for as long lasting as they are) never fully rinse out. You’ll stand there for 30 minutes trying to wash that rinse out of the hair. And every time you wash your hair afterwards...yup you’ll see color in the water. Overtone clearly deposited color, but didn’t stain my sink (I used the stainless steel kitchen sink just to be safe because I’ve definitely accidentally dyed my bathtub a time or two!).

Even though I didn’t get that Extreme Purple hue, I did get an obvious color change, which lets me know that this product is a strong color depositing rinse. That makes it a very good alternative to traditional hair dyes.

After washing and using their Extreme Purple Daily Conditioner, very little color rinsed out and my navy hue still looked very vibrant.

What Could Be Better:

Honestly, nothing. I like that they’re truthful on their website about potential results. I liked how easy this was to apply and that it wasn’t stinky. And most importantly I liked that even though I didn’t end up with a purple color, I still had a clear color change.

The Results:

As you can see in the opening post pic and in the one immediately above, it’s not really purple, except for at the very ends of my hair which were faded to a true blonde. However, the color I got, I LOVE because it’s everyday wearable. As much as I love bright fantasy shades, the reality is that I do have corporate clients I consult with - it’s not okay to go into meetings with bright pink or purple hair. I’ve been trying to do brown into navy ombre for a while but truth be told, Adore’s Royal Navy rinse would always deposit as teal on dyed blonde hair. For whatever reason, the previous Adore teal rinse mixed perfectly with Overtone’s Extreme Purple to create this beautiful subtle navy which is slightly visible, but isn’t shockingly bright. So, I give Overtone two thumbs up as they gave my beloved Italian Yaki unit new life!

For more info on Overtone or where to buy visit www.overtone.co or follow them on IG @overtonecolor

#tab beauty #hair color #product review #overtone #fantasy color #fantasy hair #hairstyles #haircare #hair dye #beauty review #vegan friendly #pantone color of the year #purple hair #navy hair #fantasy hair how to

[jessicakehoe]

Texture Talk: 4 Canadian Black Women Open Up About Wearing Wigs

Welcome to Texture Talk, a weekly column that celebrates and deep dives into the dynamic world of curly hair, from crowns of curls that are free flowing to strands that are tucked away in a protective style. In today’s day and age, it shouldn’t be a secret that wig-life is alive and well, especially within the Black community, so this week we asked four local women who love rocking extensions on what wearing wigs means to them and their wig routines.

Sadé Powell, freelance writer and illustrator

Courtesy of Sadé Powell

On wig life:

“I’ve been wearing wigs on and off for six years. I love experimenting with colour, so I always purchase blonde wigs, which acts as a blank canvas for whatever colours inspire me that month. My favourite thing about wearing wigs is being able to change my style at a moment’s notice. If I’m bored of long pink hair, I’ll purchase and dye a short blue wig. It’s like being an avatar in a game! For me, hair is a means of expression. There are a lot of ways to transform hair to accentuate your style, but when you then start to incorporate wigs and extensions, things can get really creative. Being able to continuously change my hair colour using wigs, and without damaging my natural hair, has been such a fun hobby of mine. I love scrolling through Instagram for inspiration, buying the different colours I need to mix the perfect shade, or sometimes just using the colours I have at home, and experimenting. You can always cut your hair, grow it back, curl it, buy a new wig or add extensions.”

On her go-to protective style underneath:

“I typically cornrow my hair as a protective style.”

On the non-negotiables of her wig routine:

“Weekly washes and deep conditioning.”

On her hero wig care products:

“I just recently discovered Silicon Mix Bambu Hair Treatment. It’s great for restoring moisture into my wigs when they start to get frizzy.”

On her hair inspirations:

“It was @heathersanders_ who I first saw on Instagram rocking coloured wigs in blue, pink and ombre designs. She inspired me when I first started colouring my units back in 2015. Lately, I look to influencers like @nyane and @nikitadragun for colour inspiration. I love that they use wigs to create their own characters for that day, whether it’s for a party or just to grocery shop. These girls are constantly switching things up with their wig, makeup and outfit combos to create these striking fantasy looks that I really admire. They’re both very over the top and dramatic, but it reminds me to be playful with how I express myself through clothes, hair and makeup.”

Courtesy of Sadé Powell

On navigating mainstream beauty standards:

“I’ve definitely felt pressure to conform to Euro-centric beauty standards. Especially when you grow up not seeing girls like you represented on television or in advertising, you start to think that there is only one type of beautiful. You then, without even realizing it, adjust your outward appearance to fit in, and reject the parts of you that don’t. I feel like this was mostly true for me before high school, but I was lucky to be from a very diverse neighbourhood where I would see the older girls, especially Black girls, constantly experimenting with their hair. Sometimes the styles were bold and edgy, while other times they were questionable, but creative. Having their influence really helped me find my own style through hair and made me feel like I could try anything.”

Aurore Evee, bilingual communications and creative services specialist

Courtesy of Aurore Evee

On wig life:

“I bought my first wig six years ago. They’re a way for me to push my fashion style even further and play. I see them as accessories, or like makeup, and wear them when I have a specific style in mind that I want to recreate. Nine of the ten wigs I own are synthetic, and I mostly wear them for a day or two in a row. I try my best to take care of them by not applying anything on them, by combing them only before and after wearing them, and by putting them back in their boxes before going to bed.”

On her go-to protective style underneath:

“Braids, always.”

On the non-negotiables of her wig routine:

“Moisturising my own hair before doing my protective style. That way I know that when I remove my wig, I can wear my natural hair as an Afro right away.”

On her hair inspirations:

“Influencer Ambrosia Malbrough. She has been such an inspiration since the beginning of my hair journey and is still my favourite. She is so good with her hair. I love that she does everything herself and changes her hairstyle very often. I wish I had the patience to do so as well!”

Courtesy of Aurore Evee

On navigating mainstream beauty standards:

“My hair is everything to me, and I’ve had such a hair journey, like many Black women. I have felt the pressure to conform to a certain standard when I was in college; I remember wanting to have straighter hair. That’s probably why I started doing weaves back in college. Accepting my natural hair wasn’t easy, because I didn’t even know where to start. I didn’t have examples of women in magazines or on TV with their own natural hair. I didn’t know what products to use and how to avoid damage. I grew up in France where the Black community is big, but it was difficult to find hair products for my 4C curls. Some of the products I bought back then were even bad for my hair! But eventually I started going on YouTube and seeing all of these beautiful women rocking their natural hair, and I started having hope. When I started actually taking proper care of my curls, I understood that: the more I knew about my texture, the more I loved it. This has been my mantra.”

Chinenye Otakpor, rehabilitation specialist by day, fashion blogger by night

Courtesy of Chinenye Otakpor

On wig life:

“I have been rocking wigs for about 10 years now. I started in grade 10, buying my first bundle and watching tutorials on YouTube on how to make a U-part wig. My go-to wig style is always big and sassy, like my personality. I love curls, but I also wear straight hair looks that have volume. I love the versatility of wigs. They also have the ability to provide a certain kind of confidence you cannot explain. I’m sure other Black women understand what I mean by that. As a fashion blogger, my wigs complete my outfit most of the time, and allow me to project the attitude I want that outfit to give. The best part of wigs is it allows me to properly take care of my hair and maintain length without constantly exposing it to heat. The funny part that I also love is that wigs also gives me the ability to continuously confuse people in 2020. People who do not understand the concept of wigs and how it is impossible for me to be blonde today and jet black tomorrow!”

On her go-to protective style underneath:

“I normally have my hair in cornrows to keep my wig installs flat. And when I do not have my cornrows, I do Bantu knots to get that curl and volume for when I wear my hair out.”

On the non-negotiables of her wig routine:

“I would say securing my wig down with wig glue is non-negotiable. I cannot be out here getting my wig snatched and becoming a meme for the Internet! Another significant part of my routine is not over styling it or overloading it with product. My trick to refresh a stringy-looking wig is using dry shampoo.”

On her hero wig care products:

“I normally go for the Tresemme Volumizing Dry Shampoo. It adds the extra little boost my hair needs in those ‘refresh’ times. And my hero haircare product is the Giovanni Frizz Be Gone Super-Smoothing Anti-Frizz Hair Serum. I swear by this product because it leaves your strands so smooth and silky, especially when I straighten my wigs. It always makes my wigs so luscious and luxurious that I’m almost convinced it is my hair! Another product I use first after washing my wigs is the Beyond The Zone Turn Up The Heat Flat Iron Protection Spray. This is one of the best heat protectants I have tried in a while. My trick when using it is spraying it on my hands first and then working it through my hair. Because it’s an oil-based product, it can make your hair look greasy [if you apply too much].”

Courtesy of Chinenye Otakpor

On her hair inspirations:

“First and foremost I would definitely let Neal Farinah, Beyoncé’s hairstylist, bless my head with his hands. Others are @anthonycuts and @tokyostylez for wig installs. No one can slay a wig like these two talented human beings! I wish I could get my hands on one of their creations but my bank account continuously tells me to relax every time that thought crosses my mind. @romeofashionfix is also a huge hair inspiration. She has made me want pink hair or just any bold signature colour for the last year or so. I love that she has a signature hair colour and it never gets boring.”

On navigating mainstream beauty standards:

“I have definitely felt pressure to conform to the mainstream definition of beauty because it provides comfort that does not always need to be disturbed or questioned. I love my natural hair, but I cannot lie and say that I do not notice the difference in the way people look and treat me with my natural hair versus a wig. There are days I do wish I never started wearing wigs because it has conditioned this insecurity in me that makes me question my beauty and self-worth when I do not wear one. It then becomes a moment of continuous self-affirmation: to remind myself that I’m born beautiful just like my mother and that wigs never defined her beauty during her time, so why should they define my image — my self-worth? I have not fully been able to overcome that feeling yet. I just maintain a balance, and continuously remind myself that my natural hair is my crown. I think it’s our job as Black women to continuously remind each other of the beauty in our natural states.”

Francilia Odame-Nyarkoh, elementary school teacher and entrepreneur

Courtesy of Francilia Odame-Nyarkoh

On wig life:

“I’ve been wearing weaves and braids since I was ten and full head wigs since I was fifteen. For special occasions, I love to slip on my Brazilian lace front wigs. The hair is much softer and lighter, and it provides me with a look that I will never get on my own. For an everyday look, I love natural kinky hair wigs. I find that style blends in very well with my own hair. Plus, I don’t have people asking me if it’s my real hair. As a mother of four young kids, I never have time for my hair, so I love the convenience of wigs. I can just get up, slip one on and go. I don’t have to worry about pressing my hair, combing my hair, etc. Maybe in the future, when the kids get older, I will wear my hair natural.”

On her go-to protective style underneath:

“Straight cornrows to the back. Sometimes I leave a little bit of my own hair out to blend into the wig.”

On the non-negotiables of her wig routine:

“I always wear a cap underneath the wig before placing it on my head.”

On her hero wig care products:

“Got2b Glued Gel. My lace front wigs can’t survive without it. I also love using natural oils on my natural wigs made with human hair.”

On the best wig tip she’s picked up from a hair pro:

“Unless your wig is human hair, only use products labelled for synthetic wigs. Using products for real hair will stress and damage the synthetic fibres.”

On navigating mainstream beauty standards:

“My mom first relaxed my hair when I was six years old, so that right away gave me the notion that Afro hair is not beautiful. As I got older, I began to have an appreciation for natural hair. There was one major experience that gave me that ‘Aha! moment’. I had a student in my class, a beautiful Black girl with amazing Afro hair. One day she drew a picture of herself with straight hair. When I approached her to ask her why she didn’t draw her own hair, she responded by saying, ‘Because, I wish my hair was like yours.’ I was extremely saddened by this experience. I literally came to school the next day with my natural hair and didn’t even care that it wasn’t done! But in all honesty, after wearing my natural hair for a few days I realized I wasn’t really comfortable with the maintenance and look of it. So, I went back to wearing wigs. But we did have a very thorough lesson on acceptance, and we had a discussion regarding what my natural hair looks like and why I didn’t wear my natural hair. This experience taught me that, as adults, we really need to be careful of the information that we put out there (even if it’s subconscious). Ever since then, I’ve developed an appreciation for more natural looking wigs as well.”

And if you missed last week’s column, click here.

The post Texture Talk: 4 Canadian Black Women Open Up About Wearing Wigs appeared first on FASHION Magazine.

Texture Talk: 4 Canadian Black Women Open Up About Wearing Wigs published first on https://borboletabags.tumblr.com/

[jessicakehoe]

Read Chapter 1 of Ian Williams’s Exclusive Short Story “I Want It All. I Want It Now.”

We wanted our Summer issue to be special, as it’s on newsstands for three months. What we came up with is two pieces of culture in one: There’s a short story, a dark take on contemporary romance written by Canadian poet and novelist Ian Williams, and then there’s the regular Summer issue, featuring Kacey Musgraves on the faux cover. Below you’ll find the first chapter of the fictional story, “I Want It All. I Want It Now.” If you pick up our Summer issue, on newsstands May 26, you’ll find it intertwined with stories on travel, trends and all the other content you’ve come to expect from FASHION.

–Noreen Flanagan, Editor-in-Chief

PHOTOGRAPHY BY TRUNK ARCHIVE

Vancouver

Another woman

I looked at my phone for—no joke—15 seconds to respond to a notification. (My father. Could I work that afternoon?) And when I looked up, my boyfriend was checking out a blond in the checkout line ahead of us. He was trying to be discreet, absent-mindedly picking the inside corner of his nose and nibbling both of his lips, willing the woman to turn around so he could see her face.

I tapped my phone against the magazine rack and waited. I picked up a pack of Trident, glanced at the nutritional label, put it back. Unbelievable. Hudson was grinding up on her in his fantasy. From the back, the woman was either Dolly Parton or Nicki Minaj. Blond. She wore high-waisted mom jeans, a white crop top, hoop earrings the size of her bracelets and probably too much makeup. She was probably Botoxed between the brows, probably had too much filler in her lips and probably her face was coated in downy fuzz.

So you got a contract for a shoot in—Whistler? Hudson came out of his trance.

Mexico, I said.

Mexico. Even better, he said. You can swing up to L.A. and meet me.

I’ll be working.

He mouthed “working” and made air quotes.

You’ll be “networking,” I said. Same finger quotes. You swing down and meet me. I’m always the one following you around.

I’ll see. His eyes shifted to Dolly Minaj tapping her debit card.

Do you know her or something?

My mom had this poster tacked up in her workspace at Citytv. She was one of the first female producers there. Now my dad keeps it in the waiting room.

Yorkie

I lifted the dog from the examination table into a plastic bag. It was an old honey-coloured Yorkie with long bangs—a faded beauty queen. I took it down to the freezer.

We had one more procedure for the day; then my father would get in his car and drive to Whistler. He had a condo there and an Australian girlfriend who thought I should be teaching public school and nursing a baby at 25. Neither my father nor the girlfriend understood terms like contract labour, freelance, precariat.

I made room in the freezer for the Yorkie. As a child, I remember my father teaching me the difference between a carcass and a corpse. To me, it was all death, a staple black dress. But to him, death was more elaborate, like a damask pattern. The worst part of death was not knowing you were dead, he thought. Not pain, not leaving people behind, but the blindness of the dead regarding their condition. I closed the freezer door and returned upstairs.

Up next, we had a Pomeranian with an intestinal blockage. I held the dog’s head; my father injected it and cut its stomach open. Then we took turns feeling along the intestines for the obstruction. It was a good note to end the day on.

Sometimes he injected them and they didn’t wake up.

I learned early on not to be squeamish. My father doesn’t pay me. This is not my life. It’s not even my job.

Dye

How blond we talking? Ella asked.

I was sitting on the lip of her bathtub while she sectioned my hair into six parts. I had bought two boxes from L’Oréal Preference: my regular light brown shade, “Shade 36 Havane,” and my dream shade, “Medium Rose Blonde 823.”

I wanted to be so blond that I’d turn the festival into a testostefest of bug-eyed guys tryna get with me. Hudson would block hotties with his shoulder and say, You got a problem, bro? They’d scuffle. Maybe rip their white tees. Blood. Yeah, a bloody nose or two. I’d drag Hudson off the guy, then clutch his bicep as we walked away. From the back, my blond hair would be dishevelled but fabulous.

You gotta work on your feminism, girl. Ella put on gloves. What’s it gonna be?

You don’t think it’ll look like a wig on me? With my eyebrows and everything? I’ve got all these gigs late in the summer. I can’t show up looking like a bleached fern.

I like you dark. Ella shrugged.

But—

Odile, make a decision!

I considered the models on both boxes. The blond was radiant, but the brunette was sultry. In the end, I slapped the light brown box into her hand. Safe.

Ella didn’t look surprised. I almost changed my mind, but she ripped open the box and I knew I couldn’t return it. I leaned forward, partly so she could start with the roots at the back, partly to hide my face.

Ella and I were a year into an M.B.A. program, half online, half in the classroom. On the first day of Risk Management, I introduced myself as Odile, a model. The female professor said, There’s math in this course. The male students looked up from their phones and calculated their chances. All the female students dismissed me as a ditz, except for Ella. On break, she characterized the professor as the kind of white feminist who is a puppet of patriarchal oppression in all its forms, including capitalism. Ella had a background in social justice and intersectional politics.

You do realize you’re basically a white feminist, I said. She stroked her hair hand over hand, like a Kardashian.

I totally realize my complicity in the problem, she said, full of vocal fry. Then, seriously, she added: I’m in this M.B.A. to grow a dick and then cut it off. I should have introduced myself as Ella, I used to be a stripper.

Ella applied dye to the middle section of my hair, then to the front.

I told her that I caught Hudson looking at a woman in a grocery store.

She said, The same way you got him is the same way you’re gonna lose him.

I did not break them up.

You kinda did, she said. Karma’s not just the name of an escort.

I met Hudson in Risk Management. He told me later that his philosophy was always to approach the hottest girl in a room first. Go big. And there was no question who was the hottest in that room of cuttlefish. His words. He was with another woman at the time. But he ended that relationship (like a month after we hooked up, Ella would add here), and we’ve been together for seven months. We went public. Like Ella, he was only getting an M.B.A. as part of a master plan; his was for him and his band to be a brand. He was in the program to talk the talk, to learn the reptilian language he could use in L.A. to get his band signed. His ultimate non-sexual fantasy involved rolling across America in a tour bus and calling me from pay phones in dusty rectangular states. Some women like men with plans. I like men with dreams. Or fantasies. Even better if they included me.

Ella removed her gloves.

While we were waiting for the colour to set, I flicked my hand through her closet for something to borrow. Ella was taller than me so I couldn’t wear her pants, but everything else was fair game. I’d call my style “bohemian”—mismatched layers and oversized accessories—like a human gallery wall. Actually, I passed most of the spring semester layering Ella’s clothes on mine or Hudson’s. Sometimes his clothes ended up in her closet. Sometimes her clothes ended up in his. She slept in my bed some nights. I slept in hers other nights—maybe tonight.

Photography via Trunk Archive

Flight Centre

When I saw my hair, I reacted like women in makeover reveals. I wasn’t blond, but I was my best self. My mother used to watch Oprah. Call me crazy, but a good dye job always makes my boobs look bigger. I had to fan my eyes to keep back the tears. Ella tried to get me to spend the night, but I messaged Hudson.

Texts after midnight always got an enthusiastic reception.

Hudson met me on the street as I was parallel parking. Even though he was a few feet away, I could feel him all over me like a cloud of blackflies.

He fluffed my hair with both of his hands and pressed me against the side of the car. A lump in his sweatpants. I was wearing Ella’s sequined shift dress; slipping off my shoulders, it was like wearing moonlight on a lake. Hudson kissed my neck, kisses like bubbles everywhere. I had stepped into a glass of Champagne. I turned my head into the glare of the Flight Centre’s lights.

He remembered his trips based on what he ate. I remembered mine by what I bought: a Michael Kors bag in L.A., a Dior macramé dress in Paris, Gucci slippers in Ireland, a Van Cleef & Arpels pendant in Chile.

Then I went inside and surfed him like in the Beyoncé song.

Insomnia

I fell asleep while Hudson was making himself an avocado sandwich. I woke up a few hours later, and he was fingerpicking his electric Gibson. The next time I woke up, he was mixing music with his laptop on top of his keyboard. Then he was flipping through the FASHION magazines I had left on his amp, maybe reading the marginalia I wrote while I was reading them.

It’s like he wanted to sleep but couldn’t. I got up and went to him on the couch.

What’s bothering you? I asked.

He shook his head. He was bouncing his leg.

Photography by Robert Reader

I was used to his insomnia, but tonight his energy was more skittish. Maybe he’d had a late cappuccino. I put my hand down his pants to tire him out. He put his nose in my hair. When he tensed and exhaled, I lay down on top of him so he couldn’t move, so our heartbeats and breathing would synchronize and he’d fall asleep. (He believed in that cosmic energy stuff.)

But when I peeked, I saw that his headphones were on and his eyes were open.

At dawn, he walked me to my car.

What you got going on today? I asked.

He shrugged. I just need to get some sleep.

I nodded. I’ll leave you to that then.

I bought an Americano at the place nearby, but when I got back to my car, I saw him unlocking his bicycle.

He swooped a leg over the frame and pedalled hard the other way.

Odile’s story isn’t over yet. Where was Hudson headed and will his relationship with Odile survive mounting tensions when things don’t go as planned during a weekend getaway? See how it all pans out in Chapter Two and follow @the.real.odile on Instagram for real-time updates.

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Read Chapter 1 of Ian Williams’s Exclusive Short Story “I Want It All. I Want It Now.” published first on https://borboletabags.tumblr.com/