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#i just wish it wasnt so.. PERSONAL
spaciebabie · 9 days
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does any other demiromantic (or arosepc doesnt rlly matter) feel like. extremely awful when they experience romantic attraction or is that just me.
#spacie spoinks#bruh#like. while im experiencing it i wish so badly that i wasnt 😭#i feel disgusted. is this what romantic repulsion is???#cuz like ill be experiencing all the lovey dovey stuff yk#''ooohb i wanna kiss dem oooh what if we help hands'' romantic crap but its like. anxiety inducing#like it feels awful??? is this normally how it feels?? i dont like it.#it like. doesnt feel right or natural and im assuming its b/c i just like?? barely feel it ever?? and thats why???#strange as hell.#i recently felt romantic attraction 2 someone (it has been 2 or 3 years since i last felt it) and it came on really strong for like#a week and that was like the worst week of my life#i couldnt think abt anything else but them like it wasnt even like. fantasies or anything just like.#the concept of them. my brain would just be like ''hey remember this guy''#I LIKE COULDNT SLEEP#HOW DO YOU PPL ENJOY THIS????#me; clutching my head for ~a week: AUUUGH!! THE PERSON!!! THE PERSON!!!!!#im so serious this is how it feels w/springtrap. hes like a blight on my psyche#the feelings have faded mostly i think. i think im normal abt them again (thank god)#its so strange. i think a romantic relationship would be fun but then i start feeling the feelings and its. awful.#so horrid#also like. im considering that maybe the relationship i would like some day isnt romantic but a qpr#idk. ive never been in any kind of serious relationship (never wanted 2 and have never been approached for it)#sometjing 2 think abt i guess?#anybeans. i tire.#hope i never experience that again#ik that like in 2-3 years ill be like: ''man. idk what past spacie was talking abt. would be nice 2 feel romantic attraction again''#NO SPACIE IT WONT!!! REMEMBER!!!!!! REMEMBER WHAT YOU WENT THRU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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bamsara · 2 years
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when you're chilling and suddenly the resentment-rage-revenge wanting anger takes over your body for all that you've been through just because you see a name pop up on your dash but you scroll away and it lingers but it fades and you just frown and figure out what to do next
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pierog · 1 year
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after a bath, a play with her trainer’s child, and a kiss on the nose, laika was sent up to orbit in sputnik 2.
"Laika was quiet and charming ... I wanted to do something nice for her: She had so little time left to live." -Vladimir Yazdovsky, medical scientist
her satellite transmitted for 7 days on the frequencies 20.005 MHz and 40.010 MHz. enclosed is the recording of Laika’s heartbeat before passing away from overheating. 
did she die for her country, for the progress of humanity and space exploration? some say she did. it made no difference to little Laika, floating in the great expanse of space above, peering down through the satellite’s single window, built just for her; the shaggiest, lonesomest, goodest girl in the world.
“Work with animals is a source of suffering to all of us. We treat them like babies who cannot speak. The more time passes, the more I'm sorry about it. We shouldn't have done it ... We did not learn enough from this mission to justify the death of the dog.”  -Oleg Gazenko, leading scientist, and Laika’s trainer
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the-knife-consumer · 4 months
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I feel lame for not having many ocs tbh. Whatever i do what i want forever
#idk i feel like my entire art is only ever used on drawing pre existing characters#usually from popular ips i feel so shallow.#any ocs i make i never get attached to. and if i do im too nervous to post them#or like with my fandom intrests i love them so intensely and then a month or so later#i dont give a shit anymore. i wish i wasnt so reliant on pre existing characters with pre existing personalities to draw#my attention. and draw in general.#bc when im not in an intense intrest phase i cant draw for shit. thatd be a perfect time to draw my ocs right?#but i need to be intensely intrested to draw in the first place. and they aren't fleshed out they dont have content#yhere is no book or movie or show or game. ive gotta do all of that. but that passion isn't there#i get no big ideas for stories of my own. no characters with compelling backgrounds everytging i do#just feels like a rehash or repackaging of something else.#and insult to injury. usually i can pinpoint exactly which pre exosting character im ripping from#which nothing wrong witg inspiration. if it was anyone else i'd be like fuck yeag dude thats awesome#but because its me it feels like stealing stealing stealing i cant think of anything on my own so i must steal#idk. whatever.#i mean i do have ocs but i havent drawn them in fucking forever it feels like. and i love them ig#for once i cant really pinpoint where i pulled them from. but too nervous to post them on#this blog and also again. drawing them feels like a chore because the obsession isnt there#vent#whateverrrrr my interps are baller my lines are swagular. im gonna make it whatever#and also i feel like a flake with my intrests and its not deliberate but sometimes i feel like im#pullibg people in from fandoms then pulling a switcheroo gotcha on them by being invested#in something else#which obviously im fucking not thats stupid im not doing this on purpose#but it still feels so yuuuuucky like im sorry ik this isnt what you folloed me for. sorry#SJATEVER i win at art wbatever whatever
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vendarkoe · 7 months
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playing slow damage rn why'd they have my beautiful genderqueer king cut off his hair at the end of his route what are we doing to our queens
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skitskatdacat63 · 1 month
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I have to write a relatively long German paper, and man its just so difficult for me. The pro side is that I can pick any topic I want, so of course I picked Charles VI. But I've literally not written any German in months, and I'm almost 100% sure our prof doesn't actually read them. I should just write and submit boy king fic....
#i wish it was in English#bcs i would be very happy about it#but i have lost so much capacity for any German writing#bcs he sucks so much as a prof and has dropped the ball on actual language learning imo#how am i supposed to suddenly write a 7-8 pg paper after youve spent all our class time just lecturing at us#and giving us no real opportunity to really learn or test our skills#i shall.. probably just cheat.#LIKE i want to learn german so badly#but what the fuck is the point of even trying when i know im not going to get actual feedback on my writing#why should i even try at that point. put that much effort in and know that he doesnt really care at all#it just sucks so much bcs i genuinely love and am so fascinated w the topic#but the idea that id put so much work into translating it only for him not to read it really kills me#again. just submit boy king fic and see if he notices sjfkgllblb#but do you know what i mean? like im sure ill write a good version in english that i think is actual good content#but translating it is such a lost cause bcs all the effort is reallt for nothing#like atp im jusy interested in the history more than making an effort w the language#ugh i wish i wasnt this way but yknow lack of stimulation anf feedback really kills my enjoyment and interest#like see i can convince myself that thr eng version of teh paper is my typical personal research#<- i mean im making a fucking family tree for funsies so this isnt that far off#but the translation part is so difficult bcs my german has been eroding a bit SOB SOB#lol anyways i say this bcs i was plotting a boy king fic in my head as i was goong to bed#and was like oh i shoulf write it out tmr! and then remembered I HAVE AN ESSAY UGH#well yeah. suffering. we'll see how i feel abt i write the original copy and if i have the capacity to germanify it#i just feel so guilty about it. cheating. I dont want to and it feels so low effort and terrible#but why would i force myself thru all that for a guy who barely reads it#catie.rambling.txt
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warlordfelwinter · 3 months
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there is just So Much worldbuilding going on in palia
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droodlebug · 3 months
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i think most people need to expand their idea of art so dipshits can stop saying ai art is actually good for physically disabled people who cant do art. what do you mean when you say art? can we ask that question? if you say that word and all you mean is a pretty portrait or an oil painting, then you need to open yourself up.
art at a base level is just something you made with some kind of strong emotion – some kind of passion – behind it. yes a hyper rendered portrait can still be art. a sketchy pen drawing is art. a mess of colors making shapes on a canvas is art. painting a huge canvas in paintstakingly light layers of a single color so that the end result is perfectly smooth is art.
a song on the speakers in a store is art. an underground indie song you love is art. singing a single sentence song with small children is art. voice acting is art. beading is art. jewlery is art. decorating your home is art. making a house or a person in the sims is art. making dumb ass tiktoks can be art. stuffed animals are art. resin crafting is art. sculpting is art. making little dioramas is art. collecting and cleaning dolls and figures is art. meticulously organizing your desktop and phone layouts is art. getting bored and spraypainting a shelf a new color is art. writing about your favorite show, whether theories or as a fanfiction, is art.
technology is art. engineering is art. architecture is art. science is art. sewing, modding, dress up games, hoke renovations, dancing, singing, fingerpainting, cooking, cross stitching, baking, making a blog or an essay about something you love, or hate, cmor care about, dearly, rearranging store shelves, crochet, making people laugh, icing a box mix cake, the way scientists talk about their field, literary analysis, printing shirts, personalizing your car, sex work, editing a picture to print, scrapbooking, getting really into planners, putting stickers on your things. its all art
when i say ai art isnt art, and it isnt a good tool for disabled people to make art. im not saying you have to be like me, who is physically disabled, and fingerpaint or that you have to learn to paint and draw with your mouth or toes or whatever. i mean art is something you are passionate about, and you need to find the kind of art that speaks to you and lets you express yourself. if that means you push your disabled (or abled) body to draw portraits of people like yours truly, then thats wonderful. if that just is not your art, thats wonderful too. theres so much out there to try.
you dont have to limit yourself to the first kind of art that pops in your head when you hear the word. and always remember. it doesnt have to be good or marketable. it just has to be yours
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slutdge · 2 months
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somehow while ive been going through the unbearable torment nexus ive still been able to keep up with my album-a-day-for-a-year thing so far
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fanciestghost · 9 months
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TW: Manipulation, Major violence, Implied cannibalism, Major gore, Kidnapping, Blood, Vomiting, Needles, Slight mentions of snakes, etc. Please read with caution.
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– PART ONE: ARCHIVED –
Adam would envision this candyland type place in his dreams and would have them
quite frequently. On top of this he would crave sweets, specifically apple pie. He would tell
Jonah about this but would only joke around with Adam about it. One night, the craving got
so bad that Adam asked Jonah to come with him to the store and he obliged. Now they are at
the store, Adam goes and gets an apple pie which would be the last one that was there on
display. They go home and Adam is obviously eager to actually eat it already cuz he's been
craving it for so long, only to be disappointed to find out it didn't taste as good as it looked. In fact, it made him feel very sick.
He dizzily walked over to his room, every step making him feel more woozy, but he made it to
his door. When he opened it, he noticed a light shining through the crack of the door. Of
course he really didn't think too much of it and thought he was seeing things due to how ill he
was feeling, but when he walked in his room, it wasn't his room. It was the exact place he was
dreaming about for days. The skies were bright pink, grass was a very saturated green, and
there was a yellow wafer path ahead of him that led somewhere. The sign "Welcome to
Madeleine County" was on the horizon. As Adam walked forward he noticed he wasn't even
wearing his hoodie anymore but a bright pink suit, and he had an apple accessory on his
head. He didn't like where all of this was going and turned back expecting to see his bedroom
door, only to find out it was missing.
Adam heard humming coming from behind him to see someone who looked exactly like
Jonah, but wearing a yellow coat and lemon accessories carrying a basket full of candied
apples. Jonah didn't recognize Adam, so he thought he was a complete stranger. He says
hello and basically welcomes Adam to the place. Adam is confused on how Jonah doesn't
recognize him at all, which would cause Adam to mention that this Jonah is different from the
one he knows back at home. Moving on, Jonah would soon introduce Adam to the others
Cesar and Mark. They all lived in a huge mansion made of candy.
Now you're probably like, omg everything is so cute and sweet. Yeah for now. Adam would
notice how whenever he asked if there was a way back to where he came from, he would
often be silenced or ignored. Another thing that Adam would have to deal with is go through
these activities Cesar would make them do, like have tea parties, picnics, etc. Basically stuff
to keep Adam busy and occupied to avoid asking them further questions. All these activities
would drain Adam's energy, and on top of everything being so sugary and sweet- he would often feel dizzy. Another thing to mention. Adam is never allowed to leave the mansion without anyone accompanying him. One night, Adam wanted to step outside to just have a walk and Mark would come with him. They would have small talk about the place and everything and Adam's life back in his universe. 
Then Mark would tell Adam to be careful with what he says or does and to not let the cheery bright colors of everything blind him. Before Adam would ask what he meant, Mark would stop walking and stay silent then ask Adam to check if "he" was watching.  Adam would turn back to the mansion and see the silhouette of Cesar by the window, with the curtains slightly peeking out. Mark suggests that it's best to go back inside as it was getting late. That night, Adam couldn't sleep well, he would wonder what Mark had meant. He heard his door open to see it was Jonah. He had a small box in his hand and claimed it was a gift for being so friendly. Adam would open it up and see it was yet another apple themed accessory (an earring even though his ears weren't even pierced). 
That's when Adam noticed Jonah had a sad expression on his face. He would ask what is wrong and Jonah told him that Mark told him everything about missing the "other Jonah". He would then plead Adam to not even think about leaving the place as Adam means so much to him and that he often felt lonely until he came. Adam really didn't feel good about how he worded it so he claimed he'd think about it as he was tired.
I forgot to say that Adam was stuck there for about 3-4 days. This next part is about his third
day there. Adam woke up late and Cesar wasn't really happy about it. He would scold him
about it and then mention the talk he had with Mark. Basically, Cesar would say really harsh
things to Adam and mention that this is his new home whether he liked it or not. Adam would
notice that the colors of everything looked dull, the wallpaper started to peel off the walls, the
floors were worn down and cracked, and the strawberries on Cesar's hat were getting darker
and going bad. Cesar would then force Adam to be around Jonah more often as he banned
Adam from talking to Mark. So Adam and Jonah had an activity to do with each other and it
was to catch candy fish from the pond near the mansion. Jonah was happy he was able to
spend time with Adam, but he was also happy cuz that was the moment Adam was going to
reveal to him if he was staying or not. Adam said no lol, and Jonah got pissed and passive
aggressive with Adam for the rest of the activity.
Now it's dinner time :) and they are eating the fish they caught. It was very awkwardly quiet
and Adam couldn't take it anymore. He started to rant about everything and how he knows
something is going on, pointing out that everyone and everything looks like it's rotting. Cesar
would of course say that Adam is stupid and that everything is fine. It would go quiet again
until Mark stood up from his chair, he went over to Adam and grabbed him by the shoulders,
screaming at him desperately to leave before it's too late. Cesar would pull Mark back, claim
that he is "feeling ill" and take him away, leaving the dining room.
Now Adam and Jonah were alone together again. Adam asks Jonah if him not wanting to
stay has to do with anything and Jonah tells him to shut up and eat his fish. Adam looks down
to his plate, it wasn't a candy fish anymore, but a raw rotting fish. Knocking was heard at the
door and Jonah went up to get it. This gave Adam a chance to find out what was truly happening. He first went down the hallway he saw Cesar go to with Mark. On the floor, there
was a trail of blueberry jam that would slowly turn from blue to red. He followed the trail as it
led to a large room. There stood Cesar standing in front of Mark's body on the floor. His cane
was covered in blood.
Adam decided it was best to go back as if he stayed any longer, he'd have the same fate. As
he walked back to the dining room, he peeked to see who was at the door and saw it was two
police officers (Thatcher and Ruth) asking about a missing person.
Adam sat back down, he felt tired and frustrated at his place as he really needed to leave. He
didn't know why they wanted him to stay so badly, but he would do anything to find out one
way or another. That night, Adam would stay up late to prepare himself to actually strike. He
turned his hood Cesar gave him into a bag to hold items. What items? Weapons. He silently
went back to the kitchen to steal whatever he could find to defend himself, sharp forks, knives,
and a blow torch. He went down the same hallway as earlier and noticed his surroundings.
There were a lot of portraits of an angel, the same one to be exact, and obviously candy
themed like everyone else. He felt odd looking at them cuz it felt like they were watching him.
Moving on, Adam would reach the end of the hallway, there was a door. It was left slightly
opened and he peeked inside. It was stairs that led to a basement.
He went down, making sure he had something in hand to defend himself, and saw Mark's
body on a large plate in the middle of the whole basement. He was missing an eye and
covered in blood. Adam went over to him and asked what the hell was happening. Mark told
him everything, from how this was only a place to lure in people with sad lives into their land
for their flesh. Mark also points out the reason why everything is decaying is because they are
hungry and irritated how Adam never seemed to give in. Adam asks what he has to do to
escape. Mark tells him that he needs a key and that Jonah has it. His last words were "Leave
before sunrise or else you're officially trapped forever. Don't make the same mistake as me."
Then Adam looks up to the wall to see it covered in missing people posters, and right in the
Middle of it was Mark’s. So Adam had to act quick as he didn't have that much time left. He ran up the stairs and down the hallway. He heard a loud scraping on the floor and saw Cesar. He looked taller and thinner than usual. His fingers were slimy as they dripped with some kind of black jelly. He held a large fork that was already pointed directly at Adam. He charged only to miss Adam cuz he dodged it. This caused the fork to get stuck in the wall which gave Adam an opportunity to attack Cesar with what he had. He heated up forks with the blow torch and stabbed Cesar with them. This caused Cesar to completely forget about trying to retrieve the fork back as he screamed at Adam for how much of an idiot he was. Adam would pull the fork out of the wall and stab Cesar right through the chest with it. His body began to melt into that same black jelly. Adam tried not to get nauseous about it and continued to search for Jonah in the mansion. He went upstairs where the bedrooms were and went to each room. It was obvious who's was who's as they were themed with that type of desert they were. Adam walked into the lemon themed one. He demanded Jonah to come out as he wasn't anywhere in sight. Adam walked in the room and the door slammed shut. Jonah appeared behind Adam, grabbing into his shoulder. He pretty much tells Adam that he knows why he's here and what he wants, but decides to guilt trip and gaslight him anyway about it lol. Adam didn't listen to whatever Jonah had to say so Jonah stood in front of him. He was just like Cesar, tall and deathly thinner than usual, his fingers were long talons. He unhinged his jaw in front of Adam and reached into it pulling out a key. He held it in front of Adam's face, luring him to grab it. Adam didn't budge and this would frustrate Jonah. He pulled out a large knife and pointed it at Adam saying he would kill him right there if he didn't grab it.
Adam stepped back, not knowing what to do, he reached into the bag with one hand but used
the other to grab the key. The "key" would melt into the black jelly all over Adam's hand as
Jonah lifted him up, but then Adam pulled out the blow torch with his other hand and put flame
straight to Jonah's face. He screamed in pain and would drop Adam, which gave Adam time
to see if there was anything else to defend himself from Jonah. He saw a candy axe and
grabbed it. He ran at Jonah with it and sliced him in half in one swing. Adam tried to not let
this get to him as it is literally Jonah. his best friend. that he had to kill. He had to remind
himself that this Jonah isn't the real one, no matter how much they look like each other. Jonah
layed on the floor in half, he was still moving and looked at Adam. He would tell him that he
would regret all of this and that he missed so many opportunities to get whatever he ever
wanted there. He would mention true happiness, no stress, all the money he ever wanted,
then he would mention his mother.
Adam stood in shock, he felt his heart racing when Jonah brought it up. Jonah noticed this
and would continue making it worse about how his mother was here all along and how she
missed him so much Adam couldn't take it any longer and used the axe to slice Jonah's head. His body melted the same way Cesar's did, and in the middle of it was the actual key. Adam grabbed it and didn't bother to try and waste time to think what the fuck just happened. As he made it to the front door, the two police officers were already there. Adam then pleads and begs for them to help him get out of there. Thatcher notices that Adam looks exactly like the person in the missing poster and takes him back to the police station. Adam would then tell them everything that happened and that he needs to leave as soon as possible. Another man comes into the office and interrupts, telling Thatcher that he's having the "door problem" again. Adam would ask who he was and what he was talking about. The man introduces him as Dave and tells Adam that random doors would appear at his office and never knows what
to do with it. Ruth suggests that that's probably Adam's way out since he was given a key.
That's when Adam went with Dave to see what it was and saw the door looks exactly like his
bedroom door. There was a small lock on it, and Adam used the key to unlock it. The door
opened, it was the same bright light from when Adam got there. He turned to Dave and
thanked him before walking into the light.opened, it was the same bright light from when Adam got there. He turned to Dave and thanked him before walking into the light. Adam woke up in bed, he looked over to the side and saw Jonah. Jonah let out a sigh of relief as he thought Adam died of food poisoning from the apple pie he ate. Adam then sat up and told him everything that happened to him, and that it felt so real and he was so happy to be back home. Jonah would laugh at this, thinking that Adam was being silly and say "it was just a bad dream". Adam would deny it and explain how he has never been more terrified in his life. Jonah grabbed Adam's shoulder, smiling at him. "Well, aren't you happy you're at least Home, just like you wanted..". Adam would look over to his shoulder and see it was the same consistency as the black jelly.
– END OF PART ONE: ARCHIVED –
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– PART TWO: ARCHIVED –
Adam went through the door and back home with Jonah. Or did he. The second he noticed "Jonah's" hand melt similar to the way lemon Jonah did, he panicked. Adam would push Jonah away from him, only for the walls around Adam's room to crumble into pieces like cookies. The debris would come down, causing Adam to close his eyes shut. They remained shut for a few minutes as he tried desperately to remain calm. What if he was still dreaming, a sick and twisted dream that he continues to find himself in. 
His eyes opened, he was sitting on a chair near a fireplace made out of sugar cubes. The logs were made out of chocolate, so there was no fire going. It was dark in the room, only a singular lamp was lighting the place. It took awhile for Adam to fully realize he was in restraints made out of yellow taffy. He struggled then heard someone walk in the room. It was Jonah, in a completely new outfit compared to his old one. He wore a top hat, his coat collar was sharper, and he wore a black dress shirt with a yellow tie. He had a long gummy snake hanging over his shoulder, only making him appear more threatening.
 He would greet Adam before standing right in front of him. Adam would demand Jonah to release him and to cut it out, but Jonah only laughed. He said that no matter how hard Adam tries, there's no escape. It would go back and forth and they would have a little argument about it- which would cause Jonah to snap and yell at Adam to shut up. The room would grow quiet until Jonah breaks the silence by saying he'll only release Adam if he agrees to play a few games with him. They both agreed to play hide and seek first. Jonah released Adam, covered his eyes, and began to count. Adam didn't waste any time trying to get out of that room. As he ran down the hallway, he saw how all of the windows were boarded shut with graham crackers. The doors of the main entrance and back entrance to the garden would also be boarded off as well. He ran up the stairs to go back to his room to see anything that was worth keeping in hand. Nothing. He went to the room next door which would be Mark's, but it was locked shut. Next room was Nothing. It was terribly cold there. Adam scanned the room to look for anything, clues, weapons, anything. No use. There wasn't even enough time to look deeper anyway. He went to the next room, which was Jonah's. His stomach dropped as he saw the mess it was in. On the bed, there was Adam's hood he was gifted, along with a missing poster of Adam. Adam would start to feel uneasy, he heard Jonah count louder. He grabbed his hood back and ran back out. He needed a good place to hide. Then he remembered the basement. He went downstairs, through the main hall, and to the hallway that was tucked away within the mansion. The same portraits of that angel were there, eyes still following Adam as he walked down the hallway. He stopped at the basement door, took a deep breath and went in. The first thing he noticed was the awful smell. It smelt of mold and something rotting. He tried his best to ignore it, but the more we walked down those stairs, the stronger the stench got. Then he remembered. Mark was the last person in here. Adam placed a hand over his mouth and looked over to see if Mark's body was still there. There was something for sure. but it wasn't Mark's body. It was someone else's. Adam couldn't see very well with how dark the basement was, but he saw it as he stepped closer. It was Cesar's body, headless, nothing else but his upper torso was left with his rib cage exposed. He looked as though he'd been chewed up as some residue remained on the rib cage. Adam gagged in his mouth, the sight, the smell, it was all too much to handle. 
There was no chance going back out as he heard Jonah say "Ready or not!!! Here I come!!". It was too late. Adam hid in the corner behind a few crates that were there. His heart raced as he hoped Jonah wouldn't find him. He didn't tell Adam what would happen if he did.
Adam has never been terrified like this before in a while. He wouldn't even know how he would live the rest of his life remembering this experience. He held his breath as he heard the door of the basement being opened. It was Jonah. Who else would it be? He hummed as he slowly stepped down the stairs. He would talk to himself demanding Adam to come out because he "wasn't playing fair". Jonah would walk to Cesar's corpse and stand in front of it. He let out a laugh, but the laugh was so demented and twisted. His head turned to the corner Adam was hiding in. He grinned, the most twisted type of grin imaginable, it looked inhuman.
Tears formed in the corners of Adam's eyes, he felt so terrified at this version of Jonah. He just wanted to go home back to how things were. Now he had to be stuck here. with this version of his best friend. He would do anything to see the normal Jonah again.
 Adam snapped out of his thoughts as he saw Jonah approach slowly to the corner, humming the same tune. Adam sat in the corner watching Jonah push away the crates covering him, one by one. When Adam was revealed, Jonah smiled, not as terrifying as the smile from earlier. but there was still dread behind it. There was no use of Adam trying to get away as he was sitting on the floor while Jonah was standing up, towering over him. Adam felt this wave of numbness rush through his body, was he finally giving up? 
Jonah helped Adam get up from the floor, he told him to cheer up and that it was okay to lose the game. Adam shook his head, his anger was finally coming back. He made Jonah back up by pushing him away. He started to yell at him about how he didn't want to stay any longer and that he demands answers. Jonah would laugh about this, call Adam stupid for still thinking there's a way out. They would argue back and forth about it, until Jonah started to have a breakdown in front of Adam. He would scream and yell at Adam to shut up, then sob loudly after. Adam would get lightheaded from this, he couldn't take it anymore. He doesn't know what type of mental torture Jonah was doing to him, but it was working. He ended up passing out once more.
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 The air felt cold, Adam opened his eyes to see he was in a room of darkness. There was nothing in sight. He looked down to his hands and was able to see them. As he looked up, he saw someone off in the distance. It was. the real Jonah? Adam squinted his eyes as he saw Jonah approach him. He saw Adam and ran towards him, with a huge smile on his face. "I was looking all over for you!" he said "I thought you died!" He would give a hug to Adam when he reached him. Adam didn't know what to feel. A part of him wants to believe this is the real Jonah, and that everything is over, but no, Adam can see through his tricks. "Jonah" backs up, still holding Adam by the arms, he asks what's wrong. Adam tells him that he knows it's lemon Jonah and that he could cut it out already. Jonah's face began to twist and distort right in front of Adam, his grip became harder. Adam ended up being pushed to the ground. Lemon Jonah was in front of Adam, his grip became harder. Adam ended up being pushed to the ground. Lemon Jonah was back to his normal outfit, he scoffed saying he really thought Adam would be weak enough to give in to that hallucination. He opened a door behind him, as he did, he said "You'll remain here until you LEARN to love being here. You will also learn to accept I'm your only friend and forever will be!" He closed the door shut, leaving Adam in darkness again. He sat there for a good 10 minutes trying to think what he would do. He felt hopeless. He looked down to the hood he was given the first day he came here. It felt like there was something in it. Adam looked in the hood and saw a small creature in there. It wore a strawberry hood, and it was sleeping. 
Adam gave it a little poke, waking it up. It made a ">:O" expression and ran off. He sat confused at what the thing was, but it was so dark in the room he didn't bother to chase after it. He remained on the floor sitting, and the creature would take notice. It slowly walked back to Adam and tried to cheer him up. Adam shook his head, he talked about how there's no use anymore and that he was stuck here for good. As he looked away, he swore he saw something glow in the corner of his eye. He looked back down to see the creature glow, like a glow stick! He picked it up and decided to look around the room he was in now that he had a light source. He was in Mark's room. He could tell due to the amount of blueberry themed decor. On the side he was looking at, he saw how everything looked normal, till he took a turn where the bed was at and saw it. The walls were covered with etches, hundreds, thousands of them all over. Adam saw a few papers under the bed and decided to take a look at them. They were all about Mark's experience being in Madeleine county. He's been there for 17 whole years. Adam felt his stomach drop realizing he might have the same fate as Mark if he doesn't figure out something. He looked through more of the papers, many mentioning the key he needed, something about never leaving assigned desserts unfinished, and "the savior". It was all too much for Adam to decypher, even though it was a lot of information, it was all incoherent gibberish. Has Mark gone mad? 
Adam could only imagine, being stuck in a candy coated hell hole for 17 years can make anyone go crazy. He began to think to himself, about the key specifically. He remembered he got it from Jonah and used it, but it vanished after that. He thought harder, of how Jonah presented the key to Adam. Holding it in his hand, and when he tried to grab it.it turned into that black jelly. Has Adam been tricked all along and used the wrong key? He screamed, slammed his fists on the ground. He would've been home by now if he was more careful. He fell right back into Jonah's trap. Adam looked over to the papers again, back to the part about the key. It says that Mark would look through it and his surroundings wouldn't be colorful anymore, instead it would all look rotting. The paper also mentioned: "Cesar walked in the room and I Looked through the key. The strawberry on his hat was the only thing that remained bright and colorful, while he looked horrifying. His skin was gray, eyes blank.soulless, half of his face was decaying with his jaw exposed. He looked like a fucking zombie. He asked me what I was doing, and I said nothing." This only intrigued Adam to look at the other few papers that were left. It was about Cesar creating a new person. When Adam read Mark's description of them, his eyes widened. He described Jonah. 
Adam stood up, he used the strawtruder to look around the room more. The real key still has to be out there somewhere. If Mark saw the key in Cesar's room, it had to be left there somehow. But how the hell would Adam get out of this one? The door was missing, and Jonah hasn't come back at all. Adam realized what this meant, so he rolled his eyes. He banged on the wall where the door is supposed to be and "begged '' Jonah to come back and that he "misses him". He heard footsteps coming, Jonah was skeptical of Adam acting the way he was. Adam convinced Jonah that he was "telling the truth" and that he really misses him and wants to play more games. He heard Jonah go "hmm" before finally opening the door. Jonah rested his hand on his hip and looked Adam up and down.
 "Why are you so skeptical? You can't believe that I've learned my lesson and wanna hang with my bestest bro in the world?" 
Adam cringed internally saying that, but it seemed to please Jonah enough. He let out a giggle before pulling Adam by the arm. So now the two were back in the room with the fireplace, Adam sat down on the chair drinking tea. He has a plan in mind, but he doesn't know how it's going to work. He literally has no one else around to distract Jonah from him. Sure he has strawtruder, but he's a little guy and who knows if Jonah would squish him out of anger. Jonah would basically take this opportunity to talk to Adam about new rules that were being enforced in Madeleine county and the mansion. Adam wouldn't pay attention too much as he was trying to focus on his plans, until Jonah mentioned one thing about how both of them need to be together 24/7, including sleeping in the same room together. Adam tells Jonah that he needs his privacy and that being around Jonah is already suffocating as it is. Jonah lets out a huff, he ends up agreeing with Adam, he would only get his privacy, just as long as he stays. 
The room would go quiet, the only sound being Adam sipping on his tea. Jonah would examine Adam, looking specifically at his ears. His eyes lit up as he remembered something. He asked Adam about the gift he gave him, the earring. Adam gulped down his tea and glanced over to Jonah. He nodded. Jonah clapped his hands together and said that he should try and pierce Adam's ear today so he could be able to wear the earring. As Adam placed his cup down, he said he doesn't even remember where he put the gift. Then something came up. He asked Jonah if he could go back upstairs and go look for it. Jonah thought about it, he didn't want Adam out of his sight, but he trusted him enough to go off just a little while to look for the earring. He let Adam go. 
Adam would hurry up the stairs, this gave him the perfect opportunity to look through Cesar's room and find the key. He felt squirming in his pocket and completely forgot strawtruder was in there, he placed the little guy on his shoulder as they went into Cesar's room. The room was very organized. His bed was nicely done, desk clean and presented with neatly stacked papers in the middle. Then there was this large wardrobe. Adam stood in front of it and gave a peek. All perfectly organized and color coordinated, it was aesthetically pleasing. Expect for one dark red shirt placed in the middle of two pink shirts. Adam tugged on the hanger and the wardrobe began to shake. It shifted to the side revealing a hidden hallway. Adam looked back to make sure Jonah wasn't looking, then he stepped in, the wardrobe closing back behind him. 
The hallway had a much sinister vibe compared to Cesar's bright pink organized room. It was dull, cold, and eerie. There was a door in the end of the hallway that Adam approached. A sign that read "caution" was on the door. He opened it anyway, and what was behind the door seemed to be a large lab. It was dim and dark, the only thing lighting up the place were a few fluorescent lights that buzzed. Adam looked to his left and saw another desk. It was more of a mess, papers littered everywhere, and old cups of coffee were left there. Something caught his eye, something shining. It was the key! Adam quickly walked over to it and grabbed it. He took a good look at it, he noticed how the handle of the key was shaped like an apple. He did what he read from Mark's papers, looking through the key. He did, but nothing looked different. Maybe he was looking through it in the wrong way. It didn't matter, he placed it in his pocket and continued to look around. The whole place was full of all sorts of weird gadgets he couldn't even name. There was another door in the corner of the lab, but it said "KEEP OUT".
"As if I'm gonna listen." 
Adam pushed the door open, his eyes widened as he saw what was behind there. There were four large glass jars, but three of them had something inside. Something he would've never imagined to see. The three jars had exact replicas of Jonah, all three wearing their own different types of outfits. Each had a paper attached to the glass. Orange? Grapefruit? Lime? Adam backed up, he wanted to test something out again. He slowly pulled out the key from his pocket and brought it to his eye. The three seemingly colorful dressed Jonah's became horrid decaying corpses floating in a jar through the key. Their intestines were exposed and some were floating around in the air too. Adam's heart began to race. his hand shook as he was unable to look away. He was tired of being exposed to such imagery, he looked away and put away the key back in his pocket. He sat down on the floor, head in his hands as he began to cry. Never did he wish to see his closest friend in that condition, ever. It was heart wrenching and terrifying.He regained himself as he stood back up. He can't be fooled. Those Jonah's are just as fake as the one tormenting him now. He must move on. 
He stood in front of the empty jar labeled "lemon". He looked at his reflection in the glass. He was so tired. As he let in a deep breath and sigh, he walked back out. There was another door on the opposite end of the lab, but it looks like a code was needed to enter. He didn't bother as his main focus is to leave. 
The wardrobe opened back to Cesar's room as Adam walked up, he really hoped Jonah didn't notice he was missing for a while. As Adam walked out of Cesar's room, he was quickly grabbed by the neck and pinned against the wall. Jonah looked extremely pissed. He began to yell at Adam about how he ruined his trust for him. Adam tried to cover up by saying he looked in his own room and couldn't find the earring, so he went to the next room. Jonah grinned, he slowly began to laugh. He picked up his free hand, revealing the earring. 
"Then what's THIS? I know your room like the back of my hand. I know everything you have placed in there."
 Adam struggled, he just wanted to be let go, but he felt Jonah's grip on his neck tighten, slowly making him lose air. He started to choke, his head getting more and more lightheaded as he slowly started to pass out once again. He woke up back at the chair, with the same restraints as earlier. He looked around the room and didn't see Jonah in sight, only for him to startle the crap out of Adam by poking out behind the chair. Jonah stood in front of Adam, hands behind his back, almost like he was hiding something. Jonah asks Adam how much he saw, from the basement to Cesar's room. Adam tells Jonah that he wants to know why he did that to Cesar. Jonah chuckled, finally revealing what he had behind his back, he held up the decapitated head of Cesar by the hair. Jonah explains he only did it because Cesar was planning to use Adam, to duplicate him for endless supplies of meat for Madeleine county. Jonah expressed how he didn't like the idea of Adam being replicated, he only wanted the real one to himself and only to himself, but Cesar would never listen. All he cared about was surviving, and Cesar already tried replicating a real human before and it was successful. Adam asked why Jonah was so upset over the idea of being replicated, which would cause Jonah to look visibly upset. 
Jonah explains it's because he feared being replaced himself, he saw all the other Jonah's that were made in the lab. He had overheard Cesar talking to Mark days ago about how Cesar was planning to make another Jonah because he (lemon) wasn't good enough and he made multiple mistakes that would become issues in the future. Jonah then starts to break down in front of Adam saying things about how he's the perfect Jonah and no other would be the perfect friend. Adam just looked, he was getting uncomfortable witnessing it. Jonah stopped, his eyes looking straight into Adam's.
 "..So you're just not going to comfort me?? You're not going to say I AM the perfect Jonah? I thought you said you learned your lesson.." 
Adam shook his head in confusement, he didn't know he was supposed to say anything. Jonah discarded the head he was holding, he walked back to Adam, hands in his coat pocket. Jonah asked Adam to tilt his head to the side, pulling out a sharp needle from his pocket. Adam's chest began to pound, he knew where this was going. He looked at Jonah with wide eyes, screamed and begged him to not even dare to try doing what he was going to do, Jonah only grinned. He forcefully tilted Adam's head, bringing the dirty needle close to his ear lobe. Adam thrashed around in the chair, yelling at him to stop. The needle pierced through the ear, causing Adam to scream out in pain. Blood started to spill out of his ear lobe the deeper the needle went. Jonah pulled out the needle only to poke the earring through the bleeding wound. There were tears running down Adam's face, the pain was unbearable, he looked up to Jonah, who licked off the blood from his "gloved" hand. Adam choked out a sob, he couldn't take it any longer. He just wanted to leave, he wanted to go home. 
.
.
Bythorne county. It was 4 hours after midnight. His hands dug into the bag of chips, he's been staying up for hours. He chuckled to himself watching tv, it showed nothing but static but it was entertaining Anyway. 
"They reeaaaally didn't have to outlaw these hehe..”
He took another puff of his blunt, looking over to the bag of chips to see it was empty. A sigh escaped his mouth, he needed some munchies. He looked over to the slice of pie that was left on the coffee table by Adam. He only took one bite, shrugged and put it back down. He groaned as he started to feel ill, then it hit him. Something felt off, something was missing. His head turned to Adam's bedroom door. He's been in the room for hours. Usually Adam is the type to wake up in the middle of the night to take a piss or whatever, so he found it unusual he didn't see him.
He stood up and walked over to the bedroom door, giving it a knock.
"Yo Adam, you good in there? I know you went to bed and all..but I dunno something doesn't feel ri-"
He opened the door to reveal the same pink skied candied place Adam was greeted with. He only assumed he was just high and walked in. He saw his outfit change before his eyes, his dessert theme was an edible brownie. He chuckled to himself only thinking this was a really weird trip and began to walk down the wafer path.
.
.
It's been a day, last night was tough as only Jonah would mentally torment Adam after the piercing. He stayed layed down on his bed, this is how things were going to be from now on and he would have to get used to it. If he was going to have to stay in Madeleine county for 17 years..or more like Mark then so be it. He gave up. Strawtruder peeked up from the pile of pillows that were on the opposite end of the pie dish shaped bed, he scurried over to Adam and stood on his head.
"There's no use, little guy. I think it's over for me.”
Adam looked over to his nightstand, he left the key there. Something about it just seemed to. call out to him. He sat up and reached over to look at it closely. He remembered what Mark's papers had said. something about Cesar's strawberry on his hat glowing. He needed to know what it meant. He got up from the bed and put the key in his pocket. Strawtruder tilted its little head, wondering where Adam was going. Adam said he was going to walk around the mansion for a bit. As he stepped out of his room, he noticed how Jonah was nowhere in sight. He let out a small sigh of relief and continued to walk down the hall to down the stairs. He stopped and looked at the main entrance of the mansion, it was still boarded off. Adam wondered, he never seemed to try and eat his way out of things. Everything in the mansion looks edible, but based on what the key shows, things are actually rotten. It made him wonder what else would appear rotten. He wondered if it would work with Jonah, but he wouldn't dare show he had the actual key in his possession. He walked over to the kitchen and saw him. Jonah looked. taller than usual. He didn't know if it was the outfit that was making him appear that tall or he actually grew. He turned and smiled at Adam, saying that he came just in time for breakfast. Adam declined but Jonah walked over to him, practically towering over him. He did grow..
He pointed to the table with a long sharp finger, almost demanding Adam to take a seat. Adam insisted, walking over to the table and taking a seat. There were..eggs and bacon? They looked realistic unlike the fake gummy food they would usually eat. He grabbed his fork, about to cut the egg and that's when it was revealed it was nothing but cake. Oh, great. Adam sighed and took a few bites, he saw in the middle of the table there was a pie with a missing slice. He asks Jonah about it, questioning how long it has been there. Jonah explains that it was a pie Cesar made the day before Adam came. Adam kept that in mind.Jonah then told Adam that they were both going on a picnic since he didn't want to be stuck in the house
all day. Great, there goes one of Adam's plans.
After breakfast was over, Adam went back to his room to change out of his pajamas. His wardrobe was full of the same pink suit and striped tie combination. There was literally nothing else. Once he got ready, he put on his hood and snuck strawtruder in there.
They both stood in front of the back entrance door. Jonah looked over to Adam and asked for his arm. Adam rolled his eyes and held his arm out. They locked arms together and walked out of the entrance.
.
.
The picnic was.alright. Sure, the place was bright as always and made Adam want to throw up, but Jonah seemed to be more tame than usual. Something is up. Was he only acting like this because he knows there's no way Adam can escape anymore? He finally got his way. He won the game. He held his umbrella to Adam, giving him some shade. Adam looked off to the grassy fields, there were many colorful trees, giant cupcakes all over the place, and. some homeless looking guy rolling around in the grass..
Wait. What?
He squinted his eyes but could only see the guy was wearing a brown coat. Was this another person? No it can't be. After what happened with the officers, Adam couldn't seem to trust anyone else that lived in Madeleine. However..
He asks Jonah if he could "look around" and take a walk. Jonah allows him, but he kept his eye on Adam the whole time. Adam saw the mysterious person roll behind one of the cupcakes. Perfect. He took a peek and saw the person giggling to himself. He smelt strongly of..weed. Oh. Wait a minute. Adam asks who the person is and he sits up, making Adam let out a sigh.
“..another one?"
Another. Jonah? How many were there? Adam couldn't take it any longer. He grabbed him by the collar of his sweater and demanded an explanation.
"Holy fuck!! Chillax Adam!! What the hell are you wearing! You look like some kind of strawberry shortcake character.”
He bursted out into laughter. Adam thought to himself for a second. That's strange for an edible to be inhabitant of such an "innocent" looking place. What if. Just maybe. This is the real Jonah. No. Adam shook his head and let him go. He was tired of being tricked. Jonah stood up and asked where Adam was going.
"Nice try, but your stupid little hallucinations aren't working on me anymore, Lem."
Jonah tilted his head and asked who's that. Adam didn't give an answer, he remained frustrated and confused. It bothered him, even though it felt like he was talking to the real Jonah, he wasn't sure if it was. He doesn't know if anything could be one of (lemon) Jonah's tricks. Maybe that's what the key was for, to tell what is really real. Adam pulled out the key and held it to his eye. The seemingly colorful fields turned gray, so did the sky, however, Jonah remained in color! It was. actually him, just in a stupid edible brownie themed hat and clothing. Adam lowered the key down, as small tears formed in the corner of his
eyes. He pulled Jonah in for a hug, he went on about how much he missed him and that he wants to leave so badly. Jonah, being high, only hazily laughed and held on to Adam. For once Adam felt safe again, until a dark pit formed in his stomach, remembering (lemon) Jonah was still out there waiting for him back in the picnic. Adam told Jonah to stay still and to wait for him, he also said to go to follow the wafer path to the mansion.
Jonah nodded, but then asked why he needed to go. Adam only looked down, it was a lot to explain and he didn't have any time, he only told Jonah that he needed help. He walked back to the picnic and saw (lemon) Jonah sitting, he had what seems to be bunnies made out of marshmallows on his lap. When he saw Adam approach, he smiled and waved. Adam sat down and pretended to make it seem like nothing happened. He started to tell Jonah he was feeling ill and wanted to go back into the mansion. Jonah squinted his eyes in suspicion, he would ask what Adam was doing behind the cupcake for a while. Shit. Adam had to come up with the most bullshit excuse to why he was, he also feared (lemon) Jonah would end up finding Jonah there and possibly hurt him. Adam told him that he felt like he needed to throw up, so he hid behind there just in case he had to, but didn't. Jonah's expression relaxed, but he still didn't seem pleased to have to end their picnic over Adam feeling sick.
The two ended back into the mansion so Adam could rest. He would look out the window of his room (which was locked up and had bars on it) as he saw the pink sky turn to black. It was already night, he only hoped Jonah would find some way to help him. He looked back to the key, then back outside. He had seen Mark's papers, looked through Cesar's lab, but none answered his question on how he needed to leave. Maybe there wasn't a way at all. He thought of it deeper, from Cesar being chewed up, killing him completely, from how Mark's body went completely missing when it was last seen in the basement. Did Mark even die? Adam got up from his bed as his thoughts began to race. He remembered Mark's paper talking about fruits glowing through the key, something about not to leave assigned desserts unfinished. The apple pie in the kitchen with a missing slice. A slice. The last thing he ate before he came here was a slice of apple pie. He paused. He needs to get rid of the rest of the pie to free him from this connection. Him taking a bite of the slice of apple pie was like him signing a contract to stay in this everlasting nightmare. He still has time to cancel this deal he never agreed with.
 His eyes are wide open. 
.
.
Adam had to act quick, he felt like anything bad could happen in any moment. First, he needs to find the bodies of Mark and Cesar. He has a feeling glowing fruits are important and need to be kept. He threw his pink suit to the side, rolled up his sleeves and tied his hood to his waist. He looked in his room to see if the axe he used was still around. It was tucked behind his bed. As he ran out of his room, he tried his best to try and be quiet and quick. He had to go back to the basement where Cesar's body was. He ran down the hallway, opened the basement door and ran down the stairs. He pulled the strawtruder for light as the basement was still dark. He saw the body more clearly now, it was mostly bones. He looked through the
key, the strawberry on his suit didn't glow. He needed his hat, he looked over to the rest of the basement and saw it on the floor. He looked through the key one more time and saw one of the strawberries glow. He reached out for it, it felt warm in his hand.
"Thank you.."
Did it just speak to him? Adam tilted his head and the strawberry began to speak again. It sounded exactly like Cesar. He told Adam that he needs to find Mark's blueberry as well, he also apologized for all of the trouble Adam put up with. He talked to Adam about how Madeleine only existed to protect him from the dangers of the real world. He was tired of waking up everyday from the nightmares he would have. He would grow paranoid because of them, also the existence of alternates didn't help either. He thought Madeline was good until one night, an unknown force took over his body completely, killing him shortly after. Even though most of his mind was corrupted, he still had some control due to his soul still being
present. His top priority was to keep Mark safe, but he was forced to watch Mark go through so much pain as the unknown force would torment him. The force craved meat, it was blood thirsty, and most of the time it would want to go after Mark. But Cesar remained strong, he would try his hardest to hold it back for so long until that day when Cesar hit Mark with his cane until he bled out. Cesar got weak from controlling the force as it would only grow stronger throughout the years. Cesar told Adam that he swore he didn't do anything else to Mark after that and the last thing he remembered was the fight between him and Adam. 
Things were only starting to make a few sense to Adam, all he knew now is that Mark is still around, dead or alive. What Adam found weird is how Cesar wasn't in charge of Mark being put in the basement.. with his eye missing. It only meant one thing. 
Adam placed the strawberry in his bag and continued to move on. He made it to the kitchen; he still had to get rid of the pie that was left on the table. It was missing. He felt like he wanted to scream but he needed to move on, there wasn't enough time. He noticed there was a walk-in freezer in the kitchen, the door looks to be slightly open. He walked over to it and went inside cautiously, he made sure he used his axe as a way to prevent the freezer door from closing shut. Adam's stomach dropped as he found Mark. His whole body was frozen but he held out his hand shut. Adam pulled out the key and looked through to find where the blueberry was at. It wasn't on his hat, then he looked over to his closed hand and saw the blueberry through it. Now how the fuck is he going to get it. Adam grabbed the hand and it managed to snap off his wrist. Adam got disgusted, throwing the frozen hand on the floor, causing it to shatter, revealing the blueberry. As he grabbed it, it spoke to him as well. It was Mark. Just like Cesar, he thanked Adam for saving his soul. He only told Adam that he's getting really close to freedom. Adam mentioned to Mark that the pie he needed to get rid of was missing. Mark said not to worry about that too much as just as long their souls pass over, Madeleine won't be a thing anymore. Adam placed the blueberry in his hood and moved on from there. He noticed Jonah hadn't been present at all.. it was almost suspicious. Adam cautiously walked, he then heard laughter coming from a room. He followed where it came from and entered the room where the fireplace was. Adam's eyes widened as he saw the real Jonah tied down to the chair with his mouth covered too. (Lemon) Jonah held a knife over Jonah's neck, looking straight at Adam.
(Lemon) Jonah explains how he knew Adam was up to no good and was still trying to deny the fact he was staying in Madeleine forever. He ranted about how selfish Adam was, claiming that Adam never really appreciated what he did for him. He walked over to Adam, knife still in hand, he continued to talk about how he was disappointed Adam broke his trust. He noticed how Adam was clenching on to his axe, he laughed at that, saying no matter how hard Adam tries, he could slice and cut him however, but he will always come back, they will always meet again. He smiled. Adam's hands began to shake, he didn't know what to do. He looked over to Jonah who had a scared look on his face. It took him a while to find out what to say, he took a deep breath. Something echoed in the back of his head, about ever leaving desserts unfinished. He remembered about Cesar's corpse, he was completely dead..because he was eaten. Adam had cracked the code.
Adam looked into (lemon) Jonah's eye before yelling and slicing him in half like he did before. (Lemon) Jonah only laughed and called Adam stupid for thinking that would do anything. That's when Adam began to chop his torso into smaller pieces. He would grab a handful and shove it in his mouth. (Lemon) Jonah's eyes would grow larger as he realized what Adam was doing. He yelled at him to stop, but Adam didn't. He continued chopping, shoving more and more pieces into his mouth. It tasted sour, but he had to do this. Only the top half of Jonah remained as he struggled to get the rest of the black jelly to reform himself. He was panicking, melting in the process of it. He started to scream and yell at Adam, guilt tripping him. Adam once again swung his axe at him, finally shutting him up for good. Adam got down to his knees and ate the remaining black jelly. He felt nauseated, but he tried not to let it get to him. He looked over to Jonah who was still on the chair, his eyes obviously giving a "WHAT THE FUCK?" look. Adam went over and freed Jonah from the taffy restraints. They both looked at each other awkwardly and agreed they would never talk about this experience ever again.
Not shortly after, Jonah would talk about how "badass" Adam looked swinging the axe and "killing the bastard". Adam only chuckled, he was glad he had his old friend with him at last. Now the last thing to do is figure out how to get out. Adam saw the pie with the missing slice was placed down on the coffee table in the middle of the room. He grabbed it and threw it into the fireplace. How was their fire in Madeline? Not sure, seems the place is decaying enough it breaks its own laws of everything only being candy. It didn't matter to Adam anyway, he needed to help Mark and Cesar pass over.
 The two would walk out of the mansion, both catching up on what happened in the last 4 days.. but to Jonah, it was only 4 hours. Adam also introduced Jonah to strawtruder and he loved the little guy. They stopped in their tracks as they saw a grape and cherry in the middle of the wafer path. Adam picked them
up and looked at it through the key. It didn't glow.but it wasn't rotten either. It was just a regular cherry and grape. As he looked back up, he was greeted with darkness. No..not again. Don't say. that this was all just another hallucination.
No.
A bright light approached Adam, it introduced himself as "his savior" and congratulated him for finally succeeding. Adam was confused, he didn't know what this meant. The savior grew brighter, so bright Adam had to close his eyes. Once he opened them, a tall angel decorated with frosting and berries stood before him. He lifted up his hand and Adam's outfit would change into a tailcoat and top hat. The angel said Adam will be the new ruler of Madeleine. Adam shook his head, he didn't want this. He explained to the angel that he wishes to go home. The angel nodded, but he brought up that he noticed he had some souls on him. Adam said yes, but something about this angel didn't feel right. He doesn't trust him with the souls of Mark and Cesar. Either way, Adam promised he'd be the one to cross them over. He then
looked at the cherry and grape he found. What if he just.gave these instead. He handed the grape and cherry to the angel, and he gave the most innocent smile ever. This smile would soon melt into a stretched out one.
"You'll regret making this decision, Adam. For you will be a fool for the rest of your life. Wake up."
He was back at the wafer path, gasping for air. Jonah stood up and told Adam that he was standing there for a good 10 minutes. Adam shook his head, saying that they need to leave now. The door appeared again at the end of the wafer path. Adam and Jonah walked over to the door, and this time Adam had the right key to escape. Adam unlocked the door, pushing the door open to reveal the same bright light. The two walk into the light together. Madeleine county slowly starts to decay, falling apart into nothingness. It's all over now. Mark and Cesar are at peace now. They are both safe, just like Adam and Jonah.
.
.
Adam woke up on the floor, his eyelids feeling too heavy to open. What the hell was that? He saw Jonah on the floor as well, and he started to laugh.
"We did it Adam heheheeh"
"We? You dickwad, I was the one who killed that freak and spent a whole day trying to find out how to escape! You came last minute!!"
Jonah laughed. Adam was glad to have his old life back. This is all he ever wanted. It would be a day later after all of that, the two would sometimes crack jokes about it once in a while, but they both agreed it's best to forget about it. It's not like it'll be a problem for them anymore.
.
.
His eyes began to water as he felt a burning sensation in his throat. He hunched over to the sink, feeling like he needed to throw up. He gagged and coughed, little by little, drops of a black substance came out. His heart dropped, he looked up to the mirror as the black substance dripped out of his mouth.
“I don't feel like myself anymore.”
– END OF PART TWO: ARCHIVED –
-
– ENDING ONE: ARCHIVED –
His eyes burned as he felt his throat getting the burning sensation of needing to throw up. He
hurried into the bathroom, hunched over to the sink. It started to spill out of his mouth. A sickly
gross gooey substance that was pitch black.
He started to catch his breath as it stopped, only for it to continue. It filled up to the brim of the
entire sink. Disgusting. He looked up to the mirror and saw it dripping down his eyes and
mouth. This must be the after effects of being in Madeleine for so long…right? He hoped so,
as he really wished it wasn't anything more serious. He couldn't shake off the feeling of
something he felt. The sense of dread. He shook his head, he was back home and that's all
that matters. He looked back down at the sink and grimaced. He really needed to get a bucket
to put that goo in. He was afraid it would clog the pipes, and hell would their landlord be
pissed over that.
He walked out of the restroom to see his friend sleeping on the couch. He couldn't help but to
smile as he really missed him after being trapped in that hell hole for days. He's never been
happier to be living in a gloomy apartment. He walked over to the kitchen to see if there was
any bowl or container store that substance for now, but he only seemed to find one glass jar.
That would work for now. He walked back to the bathroom and started to scoop it out of the
sink into the jar. Once he got all of that done, he sealed it up. It surprisingly didn't leave a
mess as the sink looked spotless. He planned to take the jar and throw it out, but it was
already so late. He needed some rest, especially after all that happened. He left the jar on the
coffee table and walked back to his bedroom.
Adam opened his eyes while stretching out, it was a new day. He got up and walked back to
the living room to see Jonah surprisingly up early. He sat..so still, it was almost concerning.
Adam looked over to him and Jonah quickly turned his head over to look at him back.
"Good morning”
Jonah smiled, but not in a way he would usually do. It unsettled Adam a bit, then he looked
down to the coffee table and noticed the jar was missing.
"H-Hey..Jonah? Uh..where's the jar? I left one here last night and.."
"Oh heh, yeah I thought it was trash so I threw it out! What was it anyway?" Jonah chuckled.
Adam let out a sigh, maybe he was just being paranoid. Jonah seems to be acting fine, there's nothing wrong with him.
"Oh sweet. I was gonna throw it out myself but thanks man.”
Jonah stood up, walking over to Adam with a smile still on his face. He placed his hands on
his shoulder, his grip holding tight.
"No. Thank you, Adam. Thank you for bringing me here. Now we can be friends forever."
Jonah grinned as some of the substance spilt out of the corner of his mouth. He let out a
laugh as Adam tried to be let go from the grip but failed to. Tears formed in the corners of his
eyes.
He was a fool.
– END OF ENDING ONE: ARCHIVED –
-
– ENDING TWO: ARCHIVED –
As Adam put the strawberry in his hood, he turned over to stare at the large wall covered in
missing posters. The one in the middle was Mark's, but there were others surrounding them.
Adam's eyes looked closer, examining each of the posters. His eyes landed on one on the far
right of the wall. He had never seen this woman before..but her name…
..Lynn Murray
His heart dropped as he stood in front of the poster, tears forming as his sight began to blur.
Could this be? The person he was looking for all along ended up in this candy hellhole he so
happened to be trapped in. His lip quivered as his hand reached out to the poster, taking it off
from the wall.
He needs to get out of here, and there's no more time to waste. Adam would soon go back up to the kitchen and end up finding Mark's soul there. On the way out of the kitchen, he bumped into someone. That same homeless guy- no wait, it's Jonah.
"Dude!!! Where the hell have you been? Haha, this place is huuuuge. I was looking all over for you!"
Adam shook his head and told Jonah there's no time to waste and that he needs to help him get Mark and Cesar's soul to the other side. Jonah nodded and told him where he got in the
mansion. The two would cautiously roam, making sure Lem was nowhere in sight. Adam told
Jonah that he couldn't shake off the feeling of something feeling off, and that he was missing
something. Jonah then brought up to Adam about how he found a grape and cherry on his way
into the mansion. Adam looked at the fruits through the key and they didn't glow. but they weren't rotten either. They were just a grape and cherry. He still held onto them in his pocket as he felt like he would need them just in case. The mansion was way too quiet as they both made their way to the kitchen. Adam told Jonah to keep an eye out for anyone coming by as he went to look for Mark's soul.
Jonah nodded, "Alright but be careful."
Adam would then find Mark's soul in the walk-in freezer. As he walked back out he saw Jonah
holding a cleaver in his hand
"Why do you need that for?"
"Listen, I'm already highly suspicious of how quiet this place actually is. Also, didn't you tell me something about this "Lem" dude? What if he attacked me while you were in there getting the soul?"
"Right right, well there's no time to waste so we must get going..”
As they both walked, Adam felt like he needed to go back to the lab. Jonah asked why, only for Adam to not even know himself. He felt like there was a lot left unanswered there and that he needed to look back. Jonah rolled his eyes, not liking the idea of them splitting up again as it could put both of them in danger. Adam promised Jonah that he wouldn't be alone for long and handed Strawtruder to him to keep him company. Adam was off alone again as he hurriedly went up the stairs to Cesar's room. He noticed the entrance behind the wardrobe was already open. Did he do that?
.
.
Banging on the glass wouldn't work, as he'd been stuck in this large glass tank for a few days.
He didn't have to worry about drowning in the sickly sweet pink syrup that filled the tank. He
swam up to the top of the tank where the lid was, wondering if there was a way to unscrew it
from the inside.
It didn't take him a while to finally figure something out. His intelligence was a gift, yet a curse as it was the thing that made him be sealed away from the outside world in the first place. Sure, he would've tried to escape sooner, but he'd heard commotion coming from outside the lab walls that made him stay still. It's been quiet now, so might as well try to escape now. As he used his strength to kick the lid open, he could only think of the many things he wanted to do once he got out. He wants his revenge for being put away like if he was some sort of threat to his creator. All he wanted was to be free from being just a creation. He wanted to be his own person with his own life, but no. He was forced to doing stupid tasks all dealing with being a "friend" and other pointless manipulation tactics. 
He threw the lid to the ground as he jumped out of the tank, dripping from the pink substance.
As he looked around the room, he saw a pinboard of papers and pictures. He took a closer look, only to see they were all pictures of this guy. a guy that looks exactly like him. He read the paper and saw the name "Jonah Marshall" on it along with other information like his date of birth, where he lives, his age, his height. Then there was a paragraph analyzing his behaviors, mannerisms, his interests.
"What the hell?"
He stepped backwards and bumped into a desk that had a file placed in the middle of it. Nothing else. It had the word "Lime" on it, with a huge X across it. Is that his name? Lime? He opened the file up to see all the analysis that has been done on him. He flipped to the last page talking about how he needed to be put away and that a new version of him would be made. A new one..
He'd been replaced.
He threw the file back down to the desk, frustrated at the information he had read. He wasn't
good enough? No, he met every criteria, but he was too smart for his own good? It's not his
fault! He was created this way! He turned back to the page to see what he was replaced with. A prototype named "Lemon”..
Lemon. What makes him so special? He needs to know where this Lemon would be and what
makes him so great. When he does find out where he is, he'll make him pay for having to be
trapped away in this room for days.
.
.
Adam walked down the hall and looked around the room. Nothing has changed. His eyes
looked over to the locked door. There has to be something inside there. He looked at the
buttons on the lock.they were numbers. He could sorta make up what the code could be as
some of the numbers were faded..
1234..
4321..
2143..
This could take a while. He tried again once more.
3124
The door opened as he saw someone already behind there. Another one?
Lime blinked as his hand remained on the handle of the door. He examined Adam with a
skeptical face.
"You're not Lemon..are you?"
"Fuck no!"
"I knew that! I was just making sure. I'm pretty sure all of us prototypes can all shapeshift.'
Lime noticed Adam's hand on the buttons still. He smirked in a cocky manner.
"Oh yeah, don't worry, I think I was the one who actually got the door to open. Y'see, I've been
trapped in that room for days, and I managed to figure out how to unlock the door from the inside.
Adam blinked in confusion and shook his head, not even wanting to bother. He said that he'll be going until Lime grabbed Adam by the wrist.
"Uh..? What do you want?"
"Based on what I have read, I was designed to be your friend. Boring, yes, but I want to make
sure I am the best at doing it. Unlike anyone else because no one holds as much knowledge as me.”
Great. Another obsessed perfectionist. Adam rolled his eyes and faced Lime.
"Well guess what, no thanks! I'm tired of you fake Jonah's and your weird obsessions over
wanting to be friends with me! Lem already has me fucking losing my mind because of it!"
Lime blinked, "Lem? As in Lemon? So you're telling me he's around? Where exactly..”
"I don't know! How about you go and look for yourself, genius."
Lime scoffed, "Whatever, I honestly don't have time to deal with people like you.”
And like that, he walked away from Adam and out of the lab, leaving Adam back all alone. He sighed to himself as things were starting to get more and more confusing to him. He wanted to know what this whole place meant, but it was all so hard to decipher. Was it even worth it in the end? What matters most is to leave this place for good. He would rather be doing alternate investigations than this. This whole place feels like an entirely new paranormal experience. It's otherworldly, and he wouldn't wish anyone to be trapped in here. He needed to get out of the lab as he didn't want Jonah to be left alone for too long. Who knows what Lime would think if he ever saw him.
.
.
Jonah held Strawtruder in his hands and walked through the mansion. He heard footsteps
coming down the stairs and assumed it would be Adam. When he saw who it actually was, he
stepped away slowly. Lime scrunched his nose at Jonah in disgust.
"Oh this cannot be the right guy! This can't be! You're not Lemon are you?"
"Dude! Can you keep it down?"Jonah whispered.
Lime rolled his eyes and went on a rant about how he shouldn't bother to try and listen to Jonah because he was "stupid". Jonah obviously got upset and argued back to Lime, telling him to shut up. Their commotion would cause Lem to find both of them, and he was enraged
Adam would come back downstairs and find Jonah nowhere in sight. Shit. He heard yelling coming from the other side of the mansion. He ran quickly to the room it came from, and saw
not one..not two..but three Jonah's fighting each other. It was a fucking mess. He stood by the
doorway as the three didn't bother to stop to look at Adam, they just continued. Adam would
hear the conversation between Lime and Lemon, both of them arguing over how one is more
superior to the other in their own way. Then there was Jonah, trying his best to defend from
either one of them that tried to strike at him. Adam saw the look on Lem's face, and he looked
like he was about to snap. He snapped his fingers, causing his snake around his shoulders to
go towards Jonah, restraining him. Lime got back up, only for Lem to grab him by the neck,
holding him in the air. Adam didn't like where this was going so he hid behind the wall, only
hearing Lem talking to Lime about how no one is getting in the way anymore. As he heard that he heard the sounds of bones being crunched, followed with the sound of Lime screaming in agonizing pain. Adam took a peek and saw Lime's head on the floor. Jonah was forced to sit there in horror as he watched Lem tear Lime's body apart and devour whatever he could. Lem wiped his mouth with his hand, only smearing the black jelly on his face further. He turned over to Jonah, grinning at him, saying that he was next. This would soon cause Adam to step out behind the wall and walk in the room with his axe in hand. He yelled at Lem to stop what he was doing.
His heart raced as he looked into the beady eyes of Lem. He gripped onto the handle of his axe,
but didn't dare to move. His eyes glanced over to Jonah who gave an expression of pure fear,
not knowing where this would go. Lem would only look down at Adam and laugh, saying that the
axe isn't going to stop him and that nothing will. He was in full control of Madeleine, and that
everything will go according to his plan.
Adam closed his eyes and sighed, dropping down the axe. He had a thought in mind, but he
needs to see if it would work if he did this. Lem's expression twisted into a grin as he chuckled.
"Looks like you're finally getting it, huh? Did it take this whole time for you to finally understand?"
He walked over to Adam, looming over him.
"I guess I won once again, I told you I'm good with games, but don't worry, there's still plenty
more to come and I'm sure you'll win.”
Adam shook his head, "This isn't about me anymore or you or this stupid candy hell hole!! I want you to take the real Jonah back home!"
Lem laughed, "For what? I honestly think he'll make a really good snack." He turned to face
Jonah.
Adam groaned and he tried to think of something. He stood there for about a minute thinking
and he finally got it. It was the only way Jonah could go back home safely.
"If you take him home I'Il stay with you..”
Lem turned back to look at Adam, shocked to hear the deal he offered. He tapped his chin and hummed in thought before pulling out his hand for Adam to shake.
"A deal's a deal..”
Adam shook his hand, he winced at how cold it was against his own. Lem then smiled and
hummed as he released Jonah out of his restraints. Jonah looked to Adam in stress, shaking his head.
"Adam, you don't have to do this! Please..”
His head remained low, he was tired of trying to fight back. Adam slowly approached Jonah with the strawberry and blueberry in his hand. He placed them into Jonah's hands.
"Please take them back with you. It's the least you can do right now."
Jonah looked into Adam's eyes before pulling him into a hug. Adam patted his back before Lem pulled Jonah away forcefully. 
"Alright alright enough of that, you're out!"
Lem snapped his fingers, causing a door to appear in the room out of thin air. He could've done that this whole time? "I guess when you're in control of Madeleine..you're in control of
everything." He said, as he opened the door and forced Jonah out, shutting it closed once he did.
The door faded away, Lem chuckled to himself before turning to face Adam. He grinned and
looked down at Adam, telling him that it's just them two forever and ever. Adam couldn't help but to smile, knowing what is going to happen next.
"Yeah…I don't think so.
The walls around them began to decay, but flew away like dust. Lem looked down around and
shook his head, screaming "no" in fear. He desperately clinged on to Adam yelling at him
asking him what he has done and that he's an idiot for this.
"This whole place was designed for Cesar. I helped him pass his soul to the afterlife by giving
his and Mark's soul to Jonah. Without his soul trapped here, this place shouldn't exist..and neither should you.'
Lem screamed as he began to slowly fade away into dust, he desperately clung on to Adam
until there was nothing left of him. Nothing else was left. It was all empty. If Adam's thought was correct, if Madeleine didn't exist anymore, then he should be back home in no time! He noticed he was still in his clothes…not in his usual hoodie. Shit.
There was a bright light ahead of him, it slowly approached Adam then stopped in front of him
"Congratulations! You weren't an idiot this time around."
Adam tilted his head in confusion.
"Since you have proven to me you're smart, what if I gift you something in return, Adam"
Adam didn't like how this strange entity was speaking to him. He mentioned the only gift he'd be accepting if he went back home. The entity laughed, but then told Adam that it wasn't possible for him to go home, but he could always make a home. It continued by saying that there's no other choice and that Adam will forever be left in emptiness if he doesn't give in. Adam sighed as there was literally no other way out of this.
He agreed, and in order for this new home to come..he had to take a bite of an apple pie slice.
He saw it float in front of him, everything Cesar had told him flashed through his head. Was it
worth even fighting anymore? He took a bite but didn't dare to swallow it. He knew what was
inside. The same force that took over Cesar. He stared down at the glowing entity as it shined
brighter, he refused to swallow. It slowly faded away as he saw his clothes change before his
eyes, a pink suit with a top hat. He was now in control. The walls of the mansion began to
reform again as if nothing happened. His heart dropped wondering if Lem would come back, but nothing happened.
He was alone in the mansion.
He walked over to the fireplace and spat out the piece of pie he took a bite out of. The mansion was quiet once again, as there was no one else but him inside. Until. He heard little footsteps come behind him. It was Strawtruder, looking up at Adam with big eyes. He picked it up and placed them on his shoulder. He walked out of the fireplace room with his hands in his pocket. He noticed he felt something in there, only to pull it out and see it was the grape and cherry from earlier.
He looked at both of them, then up to the empty room around him. He hates being alone. He's
been alone for most of his life. If he was in control of Madeleine, wouldn't that mean he could
create anything and everything? He held so much power than he thought, and it all can
start.. with the grape and cherry.
.
.
🍇🍒"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Adam! Happy birthday
to you!"
🍒 "Now blow out the candles and make a wish!"
🍎 "A wish? What's there to wish for? I got all I need here."
🍒 "Well there has to be something you truly wish for in your life.
🍎 “You're right, I wish one of my friends was still around..”
 🍇 "You did the right thing, Adam. You kept him safe.
🍎 "Yeah, I really hope he's doing okay."
🍇 "That reminds me, I saw this real lemon outside in the morning. Wanna see it?'
🍒 “Oh Mark, I'm pretty sure that's just a candy lemon."
🍎 “Yeah.. you can toss that out into the fireplace later. It's nothing to worry about.”
🍇  "If you say so."
🍒 "Say, when was the last time you lit it up?"
🍎 “I.. don't remember. In fact, I can't remember anything that happened to me months ago
except my friend."
🍇 “This is why me and Cesar are here to help. Anyways! Blow the candle out so we can dig into that cake!"
And thus the three sat down at the table. Adam looked out the window at the skies of
Madeleine, how the color was a soft lavender with fluffy cotton candy clouds. He took in a deep breath and blew out the candles that were placed on his cake.
Later that night, Mark cleaned the room where the fireplace was. He took out the lemon he saw outside from his pocket and threw it in there.
"Nothing to worry about” he said as he sighed calmly, walking out of the room
The lemon sat still in the fireplace, so perfectly still. Slowly, something that was dark and gooey, something that was in the fireplace for a while began to stick around it.
Is all nothing to worry about.
-
– END OF ARCHIVE. THANK YOU FOR READING. –
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urrvw · 2 months
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I xcant sleep have i seriously been cursed to simply suffer forever
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sillybouquetoflillies · 2 months
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i keep thinking i rly didnt go thru that much growing up, but idk, everytime i tell someone abt my life, they say i did and kinda just like sit in shock abt it. am i just internet brained or smth, or am i just dramatic?? i rly dont think ive earned a lot of the symtoms of someone who was traumatized that i have. or maybe i havent been in a safe place for long enough to process things??? i dunno. maybe someday far away in the future ill figure things out
#i let myself sit n accept that i did go thru smth.. maybe that i didnt totally remember or that i blurred out the details of n idk#i keep feeling like an imposter n like i shouldnt be feeling it. i didnt rly like how ive been acting#but like also i let a lot of stuff out of the box in my brain doing that n idk how 2 put it back or deal with it#so now i just feel like a half untangled mess with 0 stability bc in that 'growth n discovery' period i realized almost everyone in my life#wasnt someone i wanted 2 keep around#so now its rly just me n my bestie that r close n i keep everyone else at arms length#how tf did i get on rambling abt this omggg#ugh i am srsly such a mess n i cant find the root n i think thats whats freaking me out the most#i hate not being able 2 explain why im feeling a certain type of way or justify it in anyway#i just wanna feel okay n stable n be a fun person 2 be around again!!!!#i wanna be completely independent but like.... everything is so expensive n i have no interest in anything that would pay well#i wish my sw stuff would take off but i think im too messy 4 ppl 2 wanna stick around n also i dont think im super attractive unfortunately#I DUNNO#i dont have any answers atm n its freaking me out#i either wanna figure out how to be okay with not having answers or to get the answers and solve my problems#n i also dont wanna depend on other ppl 2 solve them for me#i just wanna be a whole.. well rounded person who can take care of themselves n do what i want#while also being a cute puppy thats rly rly rly fun 2 play with n is super helpful n supportive 2 the ppl it cares abt 🥰#i am so sick of these silly dumb messy fears n emotions that keep me stuck in boring ruts#i wanna go out n have my own fun n be my own person n stop being so scared of everything!!!!!#its okay if things go bad!!!! its just more stories 2 tell ppl!!!! ppl love my stories!!!! ugh i just needa put myself out there#i just needa find smth fun 2 do that keeps me around fun ppl#i just dont know what yet#concerts r fun but idk no one super interesting is touring here rn n i need smth more frequent#ok i think this ramble is ovr#im rly sry if ur reading this!!!! i love u vry much n hope ur having a wonderful day!!!!!!!!!
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silenthillbunni · 2 months
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🐰🩹🧸🏨
#i hate being in pain like this#bc it completely takes over my life. like im incapable of thinking of anything else#im incapable of relaxing or enjoying anything. i cant do important things. cant do anything else but sit still nd be in pain#it just renders me completely useless and makes me stop functioning properly#im just a hopeless mess made of anxiety nd sadness. idk why but i just hyperfixate on it and i cant 'let go' or relax or not think abt it#idk how other ppl do it.... i wish i wasnt like this bc it's awful. it's like the only thing that exist nd ever will exist is this pain 4evr#im dramatic i know but ​it genuinely feels like my entire life is over and i'll ever know is pain nd nothing will ever get better again#im so caught up in it i cant see anything else but my pain. i cant think of the future bc do i have one?? i dont know#im just not feeling good at all. and everything feels bleak and depressing and i dont want it :((#i cant have any fun or nice moments at all and im just tired of life#i feel so fkn stressed abt all the things i need to do nd all my responsibilities and idk how i'll do them when im in this pain#i just hope it can calm down soon i just want it to be a little bit easier just a little bit#getting thru each day now is so fkn hard i barely sleep but when i do i wish i never wake up#i hate everything and it feels like my future is fucked#which makes me wanna die!! but it also makes me sad bc there is actually sm i want to live for#i dont want it all to be ruined bc i want to try to live!!!! :(#and yess im know im being dramatic but i cant help it. im weak nd im terrible at dealing w pain nd issues#im not a strong person who can withstand everything nd finds ways to live either way. maybe it's bc my will to live isnt that strong#idk. i just hate this i want it to be over. it's taking over my life nd idk how to still function like this
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menelaiad · 1 year
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LOOK. whatever you think of menelaus or agamemnon or whatever. this lil moment here (from icke's oresteia) is AGONY. because they did come from so much shit. from murder and scheming and freakin' cANNIBALISM. yet they MADE IT. before paris and the dominos that fell afterwards, they would have believed that they were different, that they were safe. they had wives that loved them and kids that loved them too (argue with the wall about it). they had MADE IT. DESPITE EVERYTHING. and most importantly they had EACH OTHER. they weren't atreus and thyestes. things were so good for them. and they did good!! we know that myceneans LOVED aga as their king. and menelaus got a kingdom he NEVER expected to have.
to be descended from TANTALUS you are already losing. to then have ATREUS as a father and THYESTES as an uncle? it would have been so easy for greeks to write them off. for them to write themselves off. BUT THAT DIDNT HAPPEN. and they did SO WELL. it was all going SO WELL.
you can't change a narrative. you can't alter fate. and the reason tragedies are so is because it wasn't ALWAYS that way. but ... things could have been so different for them. i TRULY believe that.
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chiaki is such a good and interesting character. wish she was in a better game
#personal#do you ever wish danganronpa was better gkdjfjskkfks#literally the only interesting thing that the anime ever did. To Me. was make chiaki a real person#because if you just take the game on its own its basically. she was just a computer program. you cared about a person who wasnt real.#hajime fell in love with a computer isnt that fucked up#but. with the added context of her being a Real Person who Existed. and the reason the program looks like her is that deep down#they all just Wanted Her Back. like that fuckin HURTS DUDE#her death was the last straw it was the final thing. that grief is what drove them all into despair in the end#fuck the brainwashing bullshit. losing chiaki broke them.#like so few of them had anyone in their lives that just. unconditionally cared. without any strings.#but she Did. she loved them all so much. she wanted them all to be so happy. for themselves#and then junko drove them all into their own heads. and then she took chiaki away from them.#no wonder they didnt give a shit about anyone else’s lives. if this is a world that can take something as unconditionally caring and bright#as chiaki nanami and Break Her and Tear Her Apart and Throw Her Away. it doesnt deserve kindness. fuck humanity.#its definitely something they all have to reckon with for a Long time going forward#like. junko haunts the halls of the island’s facilities. but so does chiaki.#not nearly in the same way but shes there all the same#theres definitely a time early on when they finally feel up to talking about her and the other four are discussing who she was before#the Real chiaki yknow#and hajime has to be like. No I Know She Was Different. I Knew Her Too.#and just him having to tell the others that chiaki was basically his only friend when he was in the reserve course#they really have to mourn her twice. fuck dude
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2xxtrysxx2 · 6 months
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I went to the zoo to see the pandas before they left. I cant believe they're leaving 😭 pandas have always been my favorite animal so it sucks that i wont be able to see them anymore. I really hope China sends pandas back to the US within my lifetime lol
I had a nice time there, but it closed early for an event so i didnt get to see all the animals. I did get to visit the bird house though, so that was great. They redid the exhibit, and it was a bit different from the last time i was there. Seeing the birds fly around and pointing out all the species i recognized to my nieces was alot of fun 🩷 idk if the outdoor part of the bird house was closed or if i just couldn't find the entrance. I saw some of the birds outdoora like the flamingos and owls, but i couldn't find the entrance to the big bird cage thingy you used to be able to walk into. I cant remember the ant species that were kept there besides peacocks. I was so enraptured by the males' feathers and how close you could get to them as a child that it sticks out in my mind. That was always my favorite part of the zoo to visit as a child (well, second to the panda exhibit). But even without that part, i still really loved the bird house ☺️ That and the panda stuffies i bought were the highlight of the trip
There were so many animals that we didn't get to see; i want to go back in a few weeks. I didnt get to see any of the apes, the lions, the reptiles, or even the petting zoo! I really hope some of the kids want to go again
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