#i just want...idk to be told i am wanted around

[munsonsmixtapes]

Idk if you take requests but i had this idea in my mind of bestfriends eddie x reader who grew up together, they were soulmates and everyone knew they were each others person. Stuck to each others sides and never bothered dating anyone else. They never spoke about it, never said bf or gf, never asked each other out, they just were and that was perfect for them. They did all the things couples do like cuddling, holding hands. Theyre all gooey and mushy but people cant help but root for them anyway

And oneday despite never technically "dating" or acknowledging it, Eddie proposes to reader and she says yes and everythings perfect, a beautiful heart warming happily ever after they both deserved

Hey! Yes, I am taking requests and I love this one!

Eddie x bestie!fem!reader

word count: 1,141

cw: none!

You weren’t sure there was a time when you hadn’t known Eddie. You couldn’t even remember the exact moment when you had become friends. He was someone that was just always around. The two of you had been attached at the hip, wherever one went, the other wasn’t that far behind.

It was to the point where you always had to be touching each other. Whether you were holding hands or an had arm around each other’s waists, it didn’t matter. Seeing you two behave that way definitely made people question whether you were together, but you had never discussed it. It was always just assumed by everyone that you were a couple.

Your first sign that you were more than friends should have been when you shared your first kiss. You had been at a party together and found yourselves on the couch, side by side. You had been making conversation since you hadn’t wanted to talk to anyone else and for whatever reason, you couldn’t stop staring at his lips.

You felt weird that you had wanted to kiss Eddie. He was your best friend and friends didn’t kiss, did they? They most definitely didn’t. You knew that for a fact. But you went for it anyway. You grabbed him by the shoulders and pressed your lips to his and he was quick to return it. The whole thing was messy and neither of you knew what you were doing, but you both liked it.

Neither of you had ever been in a relationship, but that was only because you had each other. You hadn't been interested in anyone anyway. Eddie had been the only person you had wanted to spend your time with and he felt the exact same way about you. It was as if there had been some sort of string tying the two of you together.

The second sign should have been when you bought your first apartment together. It only had one bedroom but you didn’t even think about it. You just bought a bed and shared it together, not even paying any mind to anyone who told you that it was weird. Because to you, it wasn’t.

The two of you had been cuddled up on the couch while a movie had been playing on the TV. You had been in the same position for hours; him with his back on the couch and you directly on top of him. It was the way you always laid together there and it has been the most comfortable way for the both of you to fit onto the thing. Although, sometimes you’d be on the bottom but that was rare since Eddie always thought he was crushing you.

Eddie had been staring at the screen, fiddling with the velvet box that had been in his hand. He knew that there wasn’t a label on what the two of you had, but he so desperately wanted to call you his wife. He wanted to see you wearing a beautiful dress and walk down the aisle to greet him at the altar where you swore to love each other in sickness and health, til death did you part.

He had bought the ring weeks ago but couldn’t get the balls to actually ask the four words that had been on his mind. You wouldn’t have said no, he knew that for a fact. It hadn’t been something you ever discussed, but he somehow knew that the whole thing had been meant for the two of you.

“Y/n,” he said your name and you quickly turned to him, your chin resting on his chest. He hoped that you couldn’t hear his heart hammering in his chest. That you would avoid the sweat on his forehead.

“Yeah?” He loved the look in your eye that you got when you looked at him. All warm and filled with love. It always made him feel better no matter what. Except now. He was the most nervous he had ever been.

“Can I ask you something?” You could hear the trembling in his voice and wanted to know what was wrong with him. He was always so calm around you.

“You can ask me anything, you know that.” You gave him a sweet smile despite his nervousness, hoping that it would be reassuring.

“Can we sit up for this?” He leaned up and you went with him awkwardly, wanting to put an end to his weird behavior.

“Eds, what’s going on?” You asked as you got off of him, now standing in front of the TV. “You’re sweating bullets, honey. Is everything okay?”

“Y/n, we’ve known each other for a long time,” he said, completely avoiding your question. If he didn’t ask his own soon, he never would and buying that right would have all been for nothing.

“We have,” you nodded, your hands moving to your hips.

“You’re my best friend and have been since I can remember. You’ve been there for my highs and lows and there’s honestly no other person that I love more in the world than you. You’re everything. You’re it for me.” His speech caused the gears to turn in your head. He had always been a mushy guy, especially with you, but this has been a lot. Even for him. You tried to figure out what he was trying to say, what the whole reason for saying all of that was, but your mind went blank.

“Eddie, what-”

Before you could finish your thought, Eddie was on his knees, opening a blue velvet box, the most beautiful ring sitting inside it. You hadn’t even thought about it, but it was the exact one you had wanted. Marriage hadn’t even been on the table, but you would have happily married Eddie in a heartbeat.

“Will you marry me?” He asked and you gasped, still unable to find the words even though you knew exactly what you were going to say. You were just so overwhelmed with joy.

“Yes!” You replied and he quickly slipped the ring onto your finger before gathering you into his arms. He captured your lips between his in a brief kiss before pulling you into a tight hug.

The two of you were now engaged. Engaged. You never thought you would have found your person, but he had been right in front of you all along. You hadn’t even been looking for anyone, but there Eddie was. Really, you had been together the entire time, but neither of you felt the need to address it. That wasn’t how your relationship worked. You never talked about that kind of thing, but the more people had mentioned it, the more you realized that they were right. You and Eddie had been meant for each other all along.

#eddie munson #stranger things #eddie munson x reader #eddie x y/n #eddie munson x you #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson fluff

[loserdiaz]

Hi! Another different anon. I haven’t watched 9-1-1 religiously gotta admit and am back for good now with Buck’s new character development. And like for so many, bi Buck makes sense. But have there been signs for Eddie too like for Buck all these years? As I’ve missed many episodes, I don’t have the whole picture, but would bi Eddie feel real/genuine?

i think it would! you have that scene where eddie checks buck's ass in s3 for starters. u could also argue the 'because evan' is another scene where u see how much eddie loves buck. not bc od the will but bc eddie waited a year to tell buck, and he probably wouldn't have told him if he didnt think it was what buck needed to hear in the moment— like, "hey, see? im your family. i trust u with my life and my heart and WE need you around. me and chris. ur one of us! ur not expendable! u are loved unconditionally and to the core!!!"

like, eddie trusts buck so much and in such little time. from when he first started at the 118 to the tsunami its not even a year i think??? and yet, eddie stands there and says with his whole chest that he trusts buck with chris more than anyone else in the world??? more than his own family, his sisters, his tía, his abuela??? ppl that have admittedly known eddie for a lor longer.

and i feel like, its not easy for anyone to just come into eddie's life and gain that kind of trust and loyalty??? but buck did!!!

the kitchen scene is another one!! they were 1000% flirting. buck taking a step closer with his hand on his belt and eddie with that lil smirk and his stupid lil beer bottle???? PLEASEEEE.

also idk, u can just see eddie is different with buck. like, sure eddie has some friends and u can even see him with tommy but in my opinion he acted very hey bro! hey dude! and friendly.

but with buck it just feels different???? like he’s always reaching out to him and for him he's always calling, or dropping by bucks apartment, or inviting him over, or involving him in chris' life, talking to him more than he talks to his actual gfs and confiding in him more than he does anyone else. he rests his hand on bucks shoulder when he wants to comfort him and he just looks at buck so !!!! idk. i think its just a different behavior and air???? im probably not expressing myself correctly bc im literally falling asleep, so hope this makes sense. <33

#im probably gonna wake up and be like u forgot this scene or this moment u idiot!!! #but im eepy bye #anon #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #buck x eddie #911 abc #911 on abc #april gets mail 💌

[butchkelev]

been reading advice pieces from people in the american leather scene of the 80s-90s and it’s seriously reaffirming my desire to be collared by someone, and to only wear that collar as a symbol, not a fashion or sexual statement like i have up til now

#oh mytyyyyyyy #like…. okay #there was this idea too which may still be around idk #but if you wore a collar in a leather bar people would stay back assuming it meant you were owned #if you wanted to wear it to show you wanted it to be used on you during a scene- you could wear it around your shoulder (left) #and it would make it clear it’s a toy. reallyyyy love that i think it’s awesome #i am a very obedient guy. to a fault? not so much lately but in the past absolutely #and i just…………………………………………………………….. #i want to be in a situation where i can just be obedient be spelt out be told what to do by a dom who wants me to grow #i get so weird about it. it’s so vulnerable. #sigh

[oatbugs]

pls i need to provide updates

#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year #and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire #and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f #friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl #acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what #are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and #friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me! #LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after #everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to #invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me #i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother #and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids #so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo #any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️ #but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd #and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk #THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date #w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a #few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay #scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK #like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl #like is that even doable #but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much #.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us #god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x #but it would be soooo funny #I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed #popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x #i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like #its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe

[lunarharp]

scribbly first date type affair (continuation of my modern au stuff)

#witch hat tag #orufrey #idk when the next modern au thing will be so i'll just post this by itself. hehe #that art was one of qifrey's first drawings. it was of a creepy eye. (it was around the time he got glasses as a kid) #(and was told that he might lose his sight completely one day so he became an emo because he already wanted to be an artist #like beldaruit who ran his foster home where he encouraged kids to draw art to express their feelings.) #and an insidious deviantart group called The Brimhats idk stole it & reposted it. he never got to the bottom of who exactly did it. #but one day. they will fucking suffer. #(he believes their goal was to develop AI art as they said stuff like 'all art should belong to everyone anyway' & 'there shouldnt be rules' #but actually they were probably just regular mean ppl who have moved on to new things in life than stealing kids' art on deviantart. #who knows though.) i want people to retain their disabilities or general tragedies like beldaruit would be in a wheelchair #and coco's mum is in a coma. but its just so funny if qifrey just has regular bad eyesight #and it's so cute that he would say he doesnt think of beldaruit as a dad & is distant with him but now basically runs a foster home too #where he doesnt just encourage like he was encouraged but actively teaches kids from sad backgrounds to become wonderful artists one day #anyway i am so fucking hungry now goodbye #P.S. BELDARUIT IS NOT OLD !!!!!!! i mean if qifrey is late 20s or older in canon like i want... i guess he..but.... NO !!!!!! 😭 #*edits in some follow-up drawings* #oru: i couldn't c-c-confess my feelings bc it always seems like he's worried about something..i shouldnt bother him.. #qif: *always worried about how to confess his feelings* #ive decided meeting at 7 on da is kind of ridiculous actually. i think they probably meet at like age 10 in canon..not immediately =_= #since beru-sama is like 'he finally found a friend'. whatever... this'll be my last art post for a while probably so see ya <3

[gregoftom]

pretty sure i’ve seen romance movies with scenes like this

#tomgreg #where do i even start with t his horseshit okay here we fucking go. #so tom's first instinct is to go to greg when he's on shaky ground with shiv. the only way he feels safe is to have GREG with him. #who tf would want greg as an attack dog??!?!? lets be fucking real. when he says that i think he means just a dog. just someone loyal. #who loves him and won't dick him around. i think he's pretty tired of it by now. #he wants an alliance with like. ok in this show who would you pick to ally with. i love greg but he's abso useless in terms of skills that #would keep you safe. if anything TOM would keep HIM safe. in fact tom himself says who else has taken care of you. literally spells it out. #he even says greg is a joke; will fail; will fuck up; so what use does he have for tom other than companionship. other than love? #a dog might do tricks for you but your main reason for getting one is usually love. right? at least it should be. it would be in tom's case. #and don't even fucking get me STARTED on ''do you wanna come with me? ...sporus?" like girl. #you know what you told him about nero and sporus right. and now you're saying to him; yeah i was talking about you. #you and me. you're my favourite and i wasn't joking when i said i'd marry you. #the whole while tom is asking greg to be his attack dog his fuckin. eyes and expression we get it you're in love with him. like it's ridic. #and all this coming with phrasing it sounds like they're fucking ELOPING. I HATE IT!!!!!! SHUT UP! stop saying that fucking shit god. god #they are so annoying. anyway #the way tom's voice breaks as he says he has things to do [what things. will i find out later.] and the deal and!! #what am i gonna do with a soul anyways... i have you what do i need it for. and as that paragraph said somewhere. he castrates his soul. #then they giggle and are fucking annoying and greg'S HANDS LOOK LIK EHE'S ABOUT TO IDK. HUG TOM? AROUND THE MIDDLE MAYBE #or do something else. and then they just hug instead and i fucking. ugh. i've had enough tbh good fucking bye

[vraska-theunseen]

google how to not be sosososo anxious all the time. its not even like stress that motivates me to get things done it's just like. i make a mistake and misunderstood instructions in class and my teacher is like "you were supposed to figure out precisely where 180 was before taping the draft and punching your marks" when i like an idiot guesstimated it and after a moment of me going "oh..." bc its something i can't fix bc i've already punched in all the holes on the part he's like "i think you'll be okay" and goes back to what he's doing and then for three hours im like he's so annoyed with me i bring things to him too much and ask him too many questions and make the stupidest mistakes every day he hates me. i ask a friend something and they don't respond because they're busy or forget about it or don't see it or any number of other reasons and then a couple weeks later i send them something else and they don't respond for a few hours and its enough time for me to convince myself i said something a while ago that they took offense to without realizing and they're ignoring me and i send another message saying "are you mad at me did i do something can you tell me what i did so we can work it out" and he's like "what?". a friend posts about people treating them badly in a way that's clear they're talking about a specific phenomenon or person and im always like omg are they talking about me did i do something bad and not realize it... and its someone i talk to so infrequently and casually it obviously would not be a concern or someone i've known for so many years that they would obviously come to me if there was any conflict that arose. help

#alex talks #one time that friend from the second example had to rescind an invitation for me to come to shabbat dinner bc he said his parents were #hosting an important rabbi and didn't want their sons friends dicking around in the house and i was like ok i get it and then another friend #mentioned to me something that implied they were still going to the friend's house and i had 2 class periods to stew and get anxious and #paranoid and think like does he hate me? does he just not want to invite me specifically? do his parents not like me did they ask him not to #invite me specifically? and then in advisory we're both just sitting there and im like 'so do your parents hate me' and he's like 'what????' #and i'm like 'jakob said they were still going to your house' and he's like '????? my parents told jakobs parents they could come and stay #overnight bc their parents are out of town so jakob has to come over' and i was like 'oh. sorry' and felt so bad about it for the entire day #honestly? now that im thinking about it so many times i've been like manic in that friends dms about something they said that i've made 10 #leaps of logic over so in my head they said a completely different thing but to them i just sound insane and like i'm taking them in the #most bad faith i possibly can. which i guess really i am but i just get so worried #hm i guess manic is a specific word for a mental health symptom idk how else to describe it like i call him and leave a voicemail where ive #worked myself to tears over something i can't even remember now. maybe hysteric? #nobody reads these right

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

Mmm

Ugh. Writing is on the wall for this one folks. I'm trying to remain positive but I will be surprised if Adams stays on the Flash series after the Flash #800.

#i am. incredibly confused. #they just gave him another book so he's still doing comics. plus he just got marvel books. #so hes definitely not done comics. and they're ongoings as well. #its possible he couldn't juggle them all and he dropped the Flash. but hes talking like DC is kicking him off not the other way around #but his Flash book is selling out??? and reprinting #its doing so well??? DC would have to be nuts to kick Adams off the Flash or cancel the series #if they cancel the Flash im done buying comics fr #my only thought is that they cancelled it or someone big wanted to write it and they couldn't say no #Mark Waid just came back to DC.... Johns is back.... Williamson is using Barry for something.... idk. itd have to be one of them #but i don't know that Waid and Johns would go back. they told their story. they certainly wouldn't kick Adams off the book #Williamson might. idk. he got a promotion so hed have the power to do so. he also is using Barry for something and keeps saying that #he wanted to use Wally and Bart but wasn't allowed to when he wrote the Flash. so he might want a second shot #but idk. pessimist in me is saying that its cancelled :( #dc #dc comics #the flash

[asterbats]

drew my new kitten as a “warmup” but have to stop here because shes being a rascal

#her name at the shelter was pog btw. like the game but now her full name is cricket pogchamp #cat #cricket #pets #artists on tumblr #drew some blue in her eyes. bad at picking colors from irl that much but shes got a very small blue ring in there still #though shes close to having her regular eyes. i think they will be yellow? #i love her but whew cant wait til shes big......... will probably update what she looks like #tried to make her look deliberately worried with her whiskers btw. she seems sad but she was abnormally snuggly on day 1 #she cried in the carrier and hid under my drawer for like 5 minutes then instantly got to exploring and 1 hour in she showed her belly #which. im a first time cat owner but im told thats absolutely insane for a kitten on day 1 #shes already sleeping on me and stuff and snuggling next to me.... playing w her is the hard part bc lack of energy #idk if itll ever be enough for her but i am trying! i want her to be happy. also i think rn she mostly likes me when im sitting #otherwise she darts away when i walk around. i think bc im like this weird giant to her #oh also shes apparently just tiny? bc her mom was small too so she'll probably grow up to be a small cat #everyones going on abt how my aunts cats were bigger at her age sdklfjsdlfds (8 weeks almost 9!)

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its crazy how much easier it is to do things when youre not completely miserable lol #this past week has been weird bc ive felt really really good and like normal in a way thats kinds unfathomable #im hoping its the medication but my mood was already on an upward tilt and i was told it would take like 6 weeks for the meds to work #property but like ive been sleeping way more than usual. and by that i literally just mean 8hrs a night lol which is weird for me #like that never ever ever happens multiple days in a row. so idk. when i feel better it makes the 0cd way easier to manage as well #and im just generally not as anxious. on the more worrisome side i kinda just give less of a fuck so like i have an exam im not ready for #Tuesday and im just kinda like hm fuck that lol. ill go thru lil fluctuations of having a lot of energy too #like: i could run around in circles rn. i dont have to but i could. like yesterday i was out with friends and i was like bouncing up and #down while standing and rocking from side to side while sitting. which i kinda do anyway while in crowds but it was more to expend energy #last night i also got like 5hrs of sleep. so like maaaaybe ive been on the bleeding edge of mood elevation but for the most part it just #feels good and not destructive. like if i felt like this all the time that would b fantastic. its like oh so this is y ppl dont long to b #put out of their misery lol. depression? who? i dont kno her. sounds fake. but as soon as i fucking say that ill b fucking slapped back #down to earth. ugh. annoying. no emotional object permanence. i hope its the meds. if this is the person i am under layers of misery then #that is fucking so insane. we shall see. im curious to hear what the psychiatrist thinks of my brain when i follow up with her #i gave her my full dys1exia assessment which gives a pretty good picture of how my head functions. oh fuck i bet i would do waaaayyy better #on thise test if i took it in this state of mind. but anyway she has that on top of like 3 assessment sheets i filled out #dispite everything i still want someone to categorize me into a discreet box. tell me doc. am i really bip0lar? really really? #ur sure??? like 1000% sure bc my brain wont let me accept that unless its beyond a reasonable doubt. i just doesn't seem that serious. #i mean. it is but like ya kno. its not that bad. ay. this glob of mush behind my eyes runs me in circles #but for now thats ok bc i feel like i could run up a mountain or punch someone in the face lol #unrelated

[ff2-soda-pop]

I'm starting to question if I should even bother with the stupid paper.... I'm probably just gonna fail anyways lmao

#ive been running around stuck on Babysitter Duty for the past three days and the teacher only gave us any instructions on thursday yet #somehow expected a full paper done and edited by sunday. even if i wasnt stuck on babysitter duty she'd get a shitty paper just due to how #little TIME that is to get things done. but because i am on babysitter duty uhhh..... well so far there's no paper #ive been spending practically full days having to take care of my sister and i cant just Ignore Her so i havent done my paper while watchin #her because again: my focus needs to be on Her. and shes incredibly loud which makes it super hard to focus. fun combo /s #so i was like 'i'll just stay up Really Late and do it then' but that hasn't worked because my sister WONT GO TO BED if im awake. i was up #until 4am last night hoping she'd fall asleep and shut up and i could work but Nope! #and then i got too tired to even care anymore #i've tried explaining this to others and they're just like 'ok well you just need to find a way to make it work :/' which is very much #easier said than done! and im scared about this paper because this teacher doesnt accept late work at all for pretty much any reason #and im sure she wont understand my situation. because shes also the teacher that didnt understand that i didnt have the textbook on time #because it was still being shipped and i dont control the rate at which book ships and she was like #'..........okay well you still need to have the book by tomorrow at least <3' when i told her the book had Just shipped and idk when i'd ge #the dumb thing. so yknow i dont have high hopes about this #also just as extra 'make stuff more difficult' i have zero accommodations because my mom cant keep track of my fucking IEPs and they wont #let me have accommodations unless i have that and idk how to get a copy anymore. so i've also been running around with no help in that area #and it's not great </3 #idk im just stressed out and frustrated and i Want To Cry :) #vent

[8cfc00]

im literally going to throw up im sooooo mad i never got to trick or treat OR sleepover OR play dnd in all SIXTEEN YEARS OF MY FUCKING LIFE..... im supposed to be a TEENAGER doing TEENAGE THINGS but for some reason i CANT

#THE FUCKING TEENS IN DNDADS HAVE A BETTER SOCIAL LIFE THAN ME #WHAT THE HELL #sorry im listening to teen talk and theyre talking about key pivotal teen moments #and i literally have not been over to a friend's house in a YEAR #AND NONE OF MY IRLS EVEN WANT TO GO OUT AND PRACTICE CINEMATOGRAPHY W ME #THIS IS FUCKED #im not that mad about it though #pretty okay on my own #i enjoy the time i get to spend w myself #and i enjoy the freedom that it provides me #an di understand that i gotta make the most out of the situation i am unfortunately in #but like its so fucking hard to do things without the support of a friend by yr side... #but like being friends w someone just for the shit they provide you is kinda fucked #and if i think too hard about the power of friendship and the strong emotional bonds it creates #bad stuff happenbs #idk i just find it hard to find people who understand me #and i tend to click with people who don't share very similar perspectives on friendship w me #i just wish it was as easy for me as it seems to be for the teens #and in a way im afraid im falling behind or missing out cuz i lack a strong friendgroup to fuck around w #but i mean ive been told sleepovers are overated anyway soooo

[taegularities]

mmh...

#y'all am i broken or smth pls guide me through this #why do i find it so hard to have crushes or date or meet someone new #like i instantly panic when someone gives any hints or someone close to me talks about 'knowing' #someone #like my mom told me about a guy she/her friend knows and asked me if id like to meet him #and nothing about him seems wrong but my mind just instantly goes 🚨🚨🚨 like WHY #like i feel it in my throat #also i do not like those 100 rituals that desi parents fall into the moment their kid tells them they like someone #that whole tumult around it and the 'NOW Y'ALL GOTTA MARRY' bs #but it's not just that i rlly dunno what it is about meeting ppl or relationships like i just wanna be alone and #write my shit and live my life yk #but also i want love #LIKE HELP WHYYYYYY #actually i honestly feel like ive written too many stories about romance and ruined reality for myself LOL #but yeah idk.. this makes me anxious but maybe ill still meet him #bc you never know #yk

[cinna-bunnie]

i had a fun day 2 day ૮˶• ﻌ •˶ა everyone has been so nicey 2 me all day from the minute i left my house earlier ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა ♡⁠

i went to a Retreat for the first time for work earlier 0: and I did SO good for being up since 2am it didn't even feel like it 💀

it was so chill i drove like an hour away but Away from the city so there wasn't rly traffic and the mountains r so pretty 2 drive thru (❁´◡`❁) got some rain n v low clouds and since it's autumn there's all these pretty colors. i took an edible on the way n was just jammin out n enjoying the scenery among the many safe opportunities 2 look

and then at the thing we got 2 do different ice breakers n go on decently long breaks; i got 2 hang in different groups n actually Talk w a bunch of ppl which i never have time for omg. it's nice working at a legal nonprofit, i would NOT want to do this with corporate mfs !! 😹

went around n said hii to the enbies and i ran up a hill that looked a lot smaller than it was, i made it like 80% of the way before my legs were immediately like no girl we're done !! but my brain was like but it's Right There, and i struggled 2 finish the climb but I Did !! ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა and i was so so tired i do not remember ever being that winded before 💀 getting down was so much slower n worse bc my legs were Done and when i finally made it to the bottom i laid flat on my back for like 15m, and when when i made it back to sit n chill i still need like 10 more minutes akskska. i do not b exercising !! i just wanted 2 play it looked fun and i got excited (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠)

in between things i was working on my sister's choker n kept winding up w a group of ppl around me 2 talk to about it and just talk 2 in general n the company was rly nice (❁´◡`❁) ♡ had a lot of different kinda talks 2day!! everyone is a sweetie!! some ppl r so funny n chill and i rly hope 2 get 2 talk more casually w people perhaps As Friends when i go in 👉👈

there's one girl in particular who is rly cute n sweet and i want 2 see her again ૮˶• ﻌ •˶ა when I got home finally i had 2 hop on my work laptop real quick 2 look up her name again 2 make sure i didn't forget ☝️😌 we do not work at the same office but hii i am visiting next week 🐇

yippee!!!! ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა !!!

#i think i have become an introverted extrovert at some point 0: #which is rly nice bc my social anxiety was SO bad at the beginning of the year like i didn't even know where to start skskdksk #but i kinda figured it out? but it's also just being me? idk.. much 2 think. but i made good progress #i am getting a good grade in being funny and nice and talking to people !! #i want 2 kiss someone on the forehead #omg but if there's ANYONE who deserves a kiss it's this old lady who lives a few buildings down on the way to my car #where EVERY time i see her she always has something so so sweet to tell me about how i look #today she said I'm always looking fancy (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠) ♡⁠ and more but that's the main thing i remember besides the small talk #and the first time we met she asked me if i was a model fr and she's told me I'm cute and I'm just like PLEASE SKDKDKS #i can't fully tell if you're just really sweet or kinda 👀 at me but girl u r so sweet like hello do u Want a hug or a kiss ?? i love u !! #old ladies have a warmth they fill u with that just take the weight of Everything off ur shoulders n leave u feeling full n happy!! #bless old ladies fr!! literally my favorite people to interact with always i love u abuelas everywhere u r everything to me and i would do #anything for u !!!! i miss getting to help friends grandmas w stuff as a kid 🥺 it was just always great 2 talk 2 them and be close n on #good terms n stuff :3 i was the same way with their moms hehe. hi hello i want 2 help !! (⁠✿ ‚‚⌒‿⌒‚‚) #my friend is being lame and acting embarrassed but i love you please talk to me i am so so interested and think you're really #cool and funny and sweet and wise actually ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა ♡⁠ i wanna be around u if u wanna hang out #even if it's as simple as getting 2 help in the kitchen n always helping w dishes n stuff ૮˶• ﻌ •˶ა aaa ♡⁠ #omg i was late 2 the thing too and missed the breakfast and there's this sweet energetic old lady who's always like #omg u didn't get to eat? do u want this? can i get you some coffee or tea? and I'm always just like no no it's okay I'm gonna get it but #appreciate the offer and just ૮ – ﻌ–ა she is always looking out 4 me !! but she's just a sweetie like that !! #i think sharing food is a universally good way 2 make friends and it always warms my heart 2 meet ppl who r the same (❁´◡`❁) #they r always so so sweet 😭🥰 for my astrology girlies i correctly guessed that she's a taurus hehe 😼 #there's another old lady who's an office manager for one of the offices n she is so soft spoken n sweet and i wish i got 2 hug her n talk #to her more 🥺 she's so far though omg i don't get to see her in person much #n e ways i work w some really warm bubbly ppl ૮˶• ﻌ •˶ა i am a happy girlie 2day!! then im going Serious Mode again tmrw 🫡 #oo i get to setup like an Actual server for a rack w linux and it's being delivered 2 my place tomorrow 0: I'm excited abt it as a project #AND my new jewelry came in today along w some cute underwear we r starting this wk off strong !!! #there was so so much more frm 2day i am just rly stoned n thinking abt it all (⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠) #if u actually read all of my ramble ily ty for letting me Talk ૮˶• ﻌ •˶ა ♡⁠

[beautifel]

i. hate that i cant ignore any longer how fucked up i am

#ask 2 tag idk what to tag this but its negative. idk if i’m hormonal or whatever. it’s just that i’m so extremely emotional lately #like i always havebeen but it’s insane lately and i know some of the reasons but i have no idea what to do abt it. which is bad #i wish i knew how to confront …it all. im so avoidant it is genuinely pathetic #and even if i wanted to confront anything iwouldnt know how… n how to tell ppl around me #the pains ive taken to ignore my issues over the yrs n by that i mean suppress the knowledge that they even exist Lmao it is so pathetic #let alone the pains ive taken to hide from other ppl that which im suppressing. and to hide how badly i cope with anything #like any problem at all not just things that have anything to do with The Thing #i finally told my girlfriend about something i never thought id ever say out loud to anyone n it was so hard #the whole convo was so hard bc shes dealing with so much too and shes been getting help for 3 yrs n i know #with her baggage of trauma a relationship is one of the hardest things #n ive never ever regretted our relationship but with the things we are both dealing wtih. or rather not dealing with in my case #it is so . hard.. and i feel like ive been so unfair bc i havent been getting help even tho i need it. and she has. #the sheer irony of me refusing to get help or even admit 2 myself i need it even tho im literally about to be the person who helps others #this cannot go on lmao. the only thing im sure about is that i wanna spend my life with her but with everything tht we have on our plate #its so.. unsure i feel so powerless . i cannot change the past i cant change either of our previous experiences #its so unfair how we risk losing the best thing that ever happened bc of things out of our control #ive genuinely never been more scared of anything than i am of the idea of losing this relationship #we had such a deep conversation today and it was necessary and good but god we’re fucked up people #so i .contacted the uni psych today finally but im so fucking scared and idk what to even say when i get there #ive never until today said it out loud ive never even written it down anywhere

[elegyofthemoon]

my need to powerwash my brain by spending my time exploring the dreamscape vs the dreamscape trapping me in stealth games

#PLEASE I JUST WANTED TO CHILL 😭😭😭😭😭😭 #avil plays hsr #THE THING IS I CAN LEAVE BUT ALSO THIS AREA IS NOT ON THE MAP PLEASE FREE ME JFJJDJJSJSJ #idk where i am i went through the dreamscape door and now im off the map 🧍‍♀️ wahwahwah #avil vs the coffee he wasnt supposed to drink bc theyre antsy vs the stealth game which makes them shake more #aughhhhhhhh #i am so bad at stealth games its not even funny JGHDJDJDN #ITS BC IM TOO JUMPY...... #but i must..... perservere......... what if they have information.... #im trying super hard to find the memory zone meme victim list #bc i want to understand memory zone memes more #but oh..... the price is so steep........... #dont tell me where it is btw. #the fun of this is the exploration part #if i was told the answer of where i can find it then ill be too lazy to look around the rest of the building #dw i am actually fine its just. me whining about stealth games KFNDNDND