#i just want solitude

[ruporas]

soft (and some bittersweet)

#trigun stampede #trigun #vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #i think they both spent majority of their lives in solitude and ofc vash went town to town and made friendships promises and etc along the w #way + he had his home and whatnot in the long years he's been alive but he still just seemed so lonely. #in prior versions of trimax he had friends at home at least and maybe he mightv made some but luida and brad are basically just his #guardians in this adaption. like brad used to be a homie.... vash watched that little dude grow up.... and jessica too.... but he doesn't #have that in this adaption. nor a town like july where he had grown close to the townspeople and shaped that tragedy to be closer to his #heart. and wolfwood spent years fighting under the eom and doing shit under their jurisdiction when we saw him so adamantly try to reject #and fight back against that fate. i dont think he had a second at all to get familiar with townspeople or even care to #so its just these two lonely ass souls and vash immediately seeing the good in ww and points it out #ww who is under orders again to be involved in vash's business but he's also SO touchy about it bc vash is so careless and lack that self #regard and also just is not seeing the world that ww is seeing. but then vash helps him and saves him by sharing a piece of what /he/ sees #and it fucking. rescrambled ww's brain for a sec. HE GAVE HIM HOPE!!! he gave him hope!!!! and in turn ww gave vash hope too and its #all done in like 3-4 eps. there's so much fervent attachment in what they managed to give each other in such a short time #but theyre limited to the contract to the inevitable confrontation with knives - so while theyd want to give into that chance to love this #person who managed to give them smth special they just can't at all #ruporas art

[softhe4rted]

on loneliness jenny slate / japanese breakfast, posing for cars / corinne von lebusa, big glow / dadushin / alejandra pizarnik, tr. me / fka twings, home with you / avocado_ibuprofen / fiona apple, left alone / anne carson, “the anthropology of water”, plainwater / kiki smith, free fall / alejandra pizarnik, diaries

#hi my post #oooooohhh this is just a compilation of my own feelings lately #i know i have a red de apoyo i know i have my dearest friends but it's so hard to not feel alone when we're so far away #idk i just miss school and having someone to talk to everyday i'm not a text gal i need to hear your voice i need to see you i need someone #to caress my hair i need contact i need closeness i need to know somebody hears me #it's not all bad i do love my solitude but i just .... i just think in a room full of people nobody would choose me #lol i'm gonna stop now i just always use my tags as a venting space xd #also yes i had the audacity to translate alejandra pizarnik but i just couldn't find that bit already translated and i really wanted it her #web weaving #on loneliness #loneliness tag #being alone #jenny slate #japanese breakfast #posing for cars #corinne von lebusa #dadu shin #alejandra pizarnik #fka twigs #home with you #fiona apple #left alone #anne carson #plainwater #kiki smith #parallels #poetry #prose #words #lyrics

[kuuwo]

Journey to Solitude 🏔

#just imagine solitude has snow #this was before first council Voryn needs a guard with him #tbf he don’t need a guard he’s just finding excuses to spend time to Nerevar #I wanted to make winter one pic daily before year ends let’s see how I’m going to disintegrate #morrowind #tes #elder scrolls #nerevoryn #indoril nerevar #voryn dagoth #the elder scrolls #my art #illustration

[seventh-fantasy]

江湖风波恶 楼里莲花清 (the outside world of jianghu is perilous and it is pure as the lotus within this tower)

lotus tower is his body

(never beating the i'm thinking about lhl with reference to nezha 1979 allegations)

anyway.

#i just wanted to have llh in the nezha rebirth lotus dance pose #bc. clearly i've been thinking about Things #(and mark u know i am tagging u in any lhl/nezha content) #sorry i literally only have unpolished doodles </3 #if i was a Serious Artist i would have also drawn more poses but unfortunately i'm not </3 #江湖风波恶 楼里莲花清 is subbed as 'i prefer solitude to venturing into the perilous world' #which gets the meaning across but. is totally different in expression #this tl i did is NOT meant to be accurate. nor is it polished. but should be smth closer to the og line #莲花楼 #mysterious lotus casebook #lhl #rin doodles #my posts #i might have been awake for too long today i have never drawn this much lhl #its like almost 2am now I might wake up wanting to delete this lol #i drew these on my phone...

[bloobluebloo]

#I was thinking of this #I personally see him leaning more introvert actually #I think he prefers solitude #the way he talks makes it feel like he spends a lot of time crafting what he will say #because he just doesn't find himself in spontaneous social situations very often or avoids them all together #if his presence is not required he is holing himself up in his room or going somewhere to get some peace of mind #he only wants companionship of animals and beasts #he spends a lot of time making elaborate plans and being one step ahead #I think he spends a lot of time in his own head which probably contributes to his various issues #and i think it works well as a foil to Link because I see Link as very extroverted #anyways let me know what you think #ganonthots

[obstinaterixatrix]

I really like romances that highlights a complex relationship with desire. what’s that one quote. found it, it’s the siken quote that goes “the enormity of my desire disgusts me” and “there’s only one thing I want, don’t make me say it” LOVE that. it’s so fun. denial and repression and self-loathing! some of my favorite ingredients for a romance.

#time to talk the romos #it can show up in any narrative in many ways #but the way in romance it pulls another person into the process #is SOOOOO fun for me #with romance being character-focused and with the plot tied to emotional/relationship development #(when it’s done well) you get to see it in both an individual and systemic context #how it manifests in solitude and its impact on relationship patterns #how it’s masked or displayed #whether the character is aware or unaware #whether the character is trying to break these patterns or are furiously clinging to them #fight or flight lol #anyway that’s why I just ended up rotating that one single father bl in my head for so long #I feel like writing-wise I’m kind of lukewarm on it? but themes-wise it grabbed me by the throat and shook me like a rattle #the love interest’s whole thing is how at his core he wants affection but has only gotten it through dysfunctional means #because what he’s wanted has always been dismissed or rejected or minimalized for the sake of someone else #well yknow he’s an orphan and was taken in by his maternal uncle so there’s always been resentment if he does better than the ‘actual’ son #so the pattern is #starting from his cousin and his cousin’s girlfriend #is seeing affection and going ‘I want that’ and ‘stealing’ another person’s partner #and then instantly being disinterested because if it’s so easily ‘stolen’ it’s not the affection he actually wants #and since it continues outside of that context of. well essentially revenge #it just continues into solely experiencing unfulfilling relationships #so when the love interest recognizes his own interest in the main character #he’s trying to continue his cycle of ‘surely if I sleep with this person I’ll lose interest’ except by this point *that’s* the self-delusion #he’s found a person that he connects with and with whom he wants a genuine relationship #and it’s devastating to him!!!!!! #lmao I love it

[dnangelic]

sometimes i think abt towa and argentine in the very last manga chapter n cry

#*･ﾟ⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT. #waaaa waaaa my lucifer my boy-king and the respect and power he doesn't even want but deserves sm #dark wouldnt want towa n argentine's help if he could go without it!! all his theft has been bc he cared #n its the fact he n dai care tht they genuinely deserve the sort of trust respect n acknowledgement from the niwa fam #that the rest of the world who doesnt properly or intimately know the likes of dark n dai doesnt afford them #i justttt wooooughhhh towa argentine gratefully graciously bowing themselves with fealty #to dark who's always been bearing all this insane burden and self-expectation alone #all by himself #afraid even of that solitude but nevertheless doing everything he could for the sake of #what he felt was right saving the artworks saving precious things even if he had to steal them away and disparage himself #more and more (the more he succeeds the more he disgraces himself as a villain and a criminal) #aaaa waaaa INNER NIWA FAM CHARAS r just so special.... THEY GET TO SEE IT ALL... #how heavy the pressure is on dark n dai both actually despite the superficial layers like elmroot says #the 'outer self' that enjoys being a phantom thief and then the inner that 'hunts his own kind' #how tired dark is sometimes... #well. w/e. point is niwa fam chara writers who ever take this into account ill kiss u forever #dark can be annoying or behave in spoiled/lazy/belligerent ways sometimes but it rlly makes him and dai more like the #rebel angel leader / boy king example i try to write them as. they still care ofc they doooo #it's just they're the equivalent of the highest seat holding together their little country #their miniature empire that dark n the niwa have built up over yrs n yrs n yrs!! #dark never claims himself a king or a prince he doesn't throw his weight or titles around like that #but between paradise lost and POTO's occasional angel of darkness/PRINCE of darkness #the vibes are there in between the lines. they r right there. this dude has so much hes taking responsibility for #even though he doesn't even Have To. but in doing so- he is. and SHOULD rightly be supported #in the manner of someone in service demonstrating loyalty to him #ok. ramble over

[quillkiller]

I love effiebarty please give me some headcannons surrounding them but also what about montyeffiebarty?

i see your montyeffiebarty but i will have to leave you to it❤️ my barty does not get along with the potter men. he hates james with a passion, and he hates monty too :/ he cant stand either of them

anyway!!! some hc’s!!!

1. barty is so entirely whipped. hes at effies beck and call. he’ll do whatever she wants whenever she wants

2. effie absolutely knows this and basks in it

3. a leash comes into use a lot :/ barty brings it up first

4. barty is nowhere near rich enough on his own to get effie pretty things like monty can but he’s good at stealing. he’s a great pickpocket. he’ll text effie at a gala (shes there with monty 😔) if she shees anything she likes, she texts back that mrs whatshername has a pretty necklace, then they meet up in some closet space and he gives it to her and then hes on on his knees and her leg over his shoulder

5. effie gets a tattoo and barty gives it to her. he’s good at them. its a small tattoo. she doesnt have any others

6. they sext a lot

7. they make sure to have sex in every single room in monty and effies mansion. barty especially loves ruining their marital bed

8. monty finds out at some point

9. post monty finding out, effie buys a small mansion for herself and doesnt even ask if barty wants to move in. she just tells him to

10. he’s her housewife. wears an apron and everything. waits on his knees by the door like a dog when shes expected to come home

11. they dont stop going to galas and fundraisers and what not. effie doesn’t give a single shit and they get looks and barty’s throat is covered with hickies and while hes not wearing a leash in public he might as well be with the way he doesnt leave her side

12. barty goes no contact with his father at some point. he always tries to talk to (or yell at, or hit) barty whenever they’re at the same function but effie stands infront of barty like an unbreakable wall

13. they go to museums a lot. and they travel. they enjoy reading aloud to each other. especially in the bathtub or barty propped up against the headboard and effies head in his lap. they go to the cinema and they both like silent film. effie likes french new wave the most tho

14. they have a pool and like roleplaying pool boy and married woman. like how they met <3

15. effie gets more tattoos

16. barty gets an effie tattoo. obviously

17. effie doesnt ask him to marry her. she tells them they’re getting married that afternoon. they bring the leash

18. barty is insanely jealous so hes mean and blunt to whoever he thinks is flirting with effie

19. effie dresses barty up. a lot. be it in their own home or when they’re going to a function. barty is her little plaything and barty is happy to do whatever she wants

20. they’re very happy <3

#i hope yall are ready for when i hard launch my cottage core wood chopping and ’going steady’ lyall/james 😔 #its just.. sirius and remus are away at uni.. #and james is taking a year off.. he wants to be home.. #and like. lyall is lonely and wants company.. #it becomes routine 😔😔 lyall teaches him how to chop wood and start a fire #and then they drink tea by the fire every night at 6 sharp 😔😔 #and lyall is the daddiest dad in the entire world <— not in a sexy way #in a Dad way #james is going insane over it actually 😔 #they cook together too.. #its all soft and warm and intimate #just the two of them in their warm solitude in lyalls cottage <3 #theres no drama either #james tries to kiss lyall and lyall says ’if we’re going to go steady we have to tell remus first’ #and james just wants to kiss him more 😔 #and they tell remus. and remus is shocked for about 2 minutes #and then hes like 🧍 ok #and it doesnt affect anything #james visits siriud and remus #james gets flirted with and remus is laughing when james tries to kindly let them down #and then says ’theres no point hes fucking my dad’ #and when remus visits home james doesnt stay with lyall #remus is happy for them <3

[rotisseries]

i want to be a body for you...

#there’s a lot of stunning quotes in tihylttw but that line really stuck with me for some reason #I want to be a body for you. it goes hand in hand with the other one about being alone together. hang on a minute #''I sought loneliness when I was young. you've seen me there: on my promontory‚ patient and unaware. #but when I think of you‚ I want to be alone together. I want to strive against and for. I want to live in contact. #I want to be a context for you‚ and you for me'' #<- yeah that one #it's just. oh my god. I want to be a body for you. I sought loneliness but when I think of you I want to be alone together #I want to be a body for you. I want to be something you can perceive I want to be something you can hold #I want to be a body with all of the sensations and feelings that come with it so I can experience you. I want to be a body for you #I sought loneliness but when I think of you I want to be alone together #I've lived my life as nothing more than a consciousness floating from temporary body to temporary body. each body built to perfection #and cutting out the extraneous nuisances and needs that come with such a body. and even then I've sought solitude #I've sought loneliness but when I think of you I want to be alone together. I've never wanted the company of others but I need yours #I craved anonymity but I want to be seen and perceived by you and you alone. #it's about being known and perceived its about being a thing that CAN be known and perceived #I WANT TO BE A BODY FOR YOU. GOD #A BODY HAS ONLY EVER BEEN AN INCONVENIENT NECESSITY FOR ME BUT FOR YOU I *WANT* TO BE A BODY #I WANT TO BE A BODY FOR YOU #this is how you lose the time war #tihylttw

[francis-ford-kofola]

Gene Hackman as Valery Michailov talking to Mario in Andrey's Siberian hideout, GONCHAROV (1973) dir. Martin Scorsese

#goncharov #martin scorsese #gene hackman #valery michailov #i was gonna gif the whole scene where he plans to kill goncharov for sleeping with katya but mario talks him out of it #(actually i think that valery only agreed because he has a soft spot for mario but that was maybe just me projecting) #but i have this assignment for school so i don't have the time #maybe later #unreality tw #(ooc:) i wanted to photoshop michael corleone into the fortress of solitude scene but my photoshop skills are not that good #so it looks fake af #but i've already photoshopped the soviet pin on lex luthor so i'll share that #my gifs

[miliamin1]

as much as I also laughed about the "mixed signals? what mixed signals Tyler???" memes the moment I think past the most instant reaction to the scene and remember about the full context I get horrified as someone clinically considered to have low empathy

the instinct to ridicule him for stupidity is a wrong one as we know that he's the killer that has been a proficient liar the whole time

even as he is one of five people in Jericho that Wednesday has at least one positive vulnerable moment, his isn't even in the top five of them and yet it informs the 'mixed signals' bluff that he tried using to get closer to Wednesday (which he ends up SUCCEEDING IN-)

at the carnival she honestly admits to him she's not used to being interacted positively with- ergo she has NO WAY to know what signals she could send at all

this out of high school guy sees fifteen year old emotionally incompetent girl that's confused by any positive interaction and the moment he can he exploits that

that is TERRIFYING to me

he was a pretty good villain dudes, i hate him so much

#don't think about the fact that he might have had an opportunity to go through her therapy files too #someone stop me from thinking about how the date was because he knew solitude made her vulnerable further- #wednesday netflix #thing i know you just wanted wednesday to wear the dress she liked but fucking tricking her into social situation she dunnos how to fix- #Thing you stupid hand catch THESE- #og post #hey how did you know im procrastinating on imprtant stuff #surely not by the fact that im actually posting

[potatoes-tomatoes]

apologies if this is out of left field at all but do you have any thoughts or headcanons about lucy and schroeder? 😭 they’ve been on my mind sm lately

omg I’m so sorry nonny ;A; this is so late

Charlie Brown listens to Schroeder’s complaints about Lucy barging in, and asks why he doesn’t lock the front door. It’s the surest way to keep her out. Schroder half-heartedly shrugs, admitting it’s crossed his mind before, and says nothing else. That’s all the answer Charlie Brown needs, really.

Lucy doesn’t always lean against the piano– whenever Schroeder’s practicing instead of performing, (never. NEVER. interrupt a musician while they’re practicing) Lucy takes the opportunity to practice playing house, and she’s damn good at it. She can never seem to make a good cup of coffee though…

Schroeder never shuts down Lucy’s nuptial hypotheticals. Lucy’s got an active imagination, and. well, they're kids, so she comes up with funny problems. and Schroeder likes a good brain puzzle, so he’ll slow down on his playing to really think on a good solution.

Lucy’s not a big fan of Beethoven, or any classical music really, but she’s very fond of Sonata no. 8 in C minor, Op. 13 “Pathetique”: II. She walks in some days asking for Schroeoder to “play that lovely Pathetic song”

Lucy finds out that Beethoven was hopelessly in love, and rubs it in Schorder’s face that if he truly wants to follow in the footsteps of his idol, he needs to find a gal to pine after.

Schroeder’s the Piano Guy at gatherings and parties, unfortunately. He likes sneaking in sonatas every other pop song or so, and everyone around him groans. Then, quickly shut up. Because Lucy is death glaring every person in the room. No one dares telling Schroeder to skip his song. If Schroeder wants to play his boring ass sonatas he will play them, thus sayeth the fussbudget.

Schroeder will never. ever. EVER. admit it but… he secretly likes being doted on. Lucy gives him undivided attention and listens to his lengthy talks about music (though she’s always making faces at whatever he’s saying) and Schroeder’s never had a captive audience quite like her before. She’s an audience that responds (see: nags), and the reciprocity inspires his playing.

Lucy believes in Schroeder more than anything. She assuages Schroeder’s anxiety when he has to face a new piece, or worse, when he’s been stuck on a section of a piece for a longer period than he’d like. All she has to do is smile as he plays. He knows that face is genuine, and suddenly he finds he’s unclenched his jaw long ago. Hey, that section suddenly isn’t so hard….

Because of Schroder’s position in the sidelines, he’s able to see when Lucy’s at the cusp of spiraling, doing that Thing where she spreads herself thin for everyone and gets angry, insisting things be done her way. He knows when to step in and remind her that in order to take care of others, she has to take care of herself.

umm as for my thoughts, the only cohesive one I have rn is that I think they were absolutely adorable in "It's the Small Things, Charlie Brown"!! All Lucy has to do is call for Schroeder and he comes a-runnin, ready to play. I have no idea I needed that for their dynamic. Oh! and Schroeder being the one to point out what Lucy's afraid of in "Lucy's School"? His straight to the point delivery, acting as the final nail in the coffin? It's rly important that it was HIM who delivered that line to me for obvi reasons. Just. Yes. yesssss I'm so happy how Wildbrain is handling these two, so delicious.

#peanuts #cel speaks #nony you awakened a dormant beast #now i'm compelled to watch peanuts stuff again and just fall back into them #ah... the solitude of being gone for these two :') #more thoughts: Linus practically falls to his feet in gratitude when Schroeder tells Lucy to Chill Out #like. no one else is willing to face her wrath except for Schroeder bc he's just. no-nonsense like that #i mean he is scared of her its fuckin Lucy Van Pelt but he's not too scared where he can't tell it like it is #so Linus is quietly hoping for Schroeder to be his brother in law #yes he wants his sister to be happy yada yada but... that means HE wont have to deal with Lucy when she gets Lucy. he's rooting for em 100% #lolol not me adding 50s-ism to my hc's ghjfkd #Lucy's forever mad that she can never make a good coffee but cooks fine otherwise. Schroeder literally doesnt care. because he prefers tea. #lucy and schroeder

[pepprs]

ok so. today i am going to

fly (and travel at all) by myself for the first time since making the emergency return home from br!ghton bc of c0vid 4 years ago (extremely distressing and scary experience). and fly by myself two weeks after a mixed bag of a conference experience / plane ride home that included a massive scary depressive spiral that i had someone there to help me through as much as they could but it wasn’t enough which was absolutely not their fault but was deeply distressing to me at the time. so im about to be in a very similar environment but this time that person won’t be physically with me and it’s going to wreck my brain in multiple directions in part bc i have not yet recovered from the depressive spiral. i am still in it. lawl <3

ride in an uber by myself for the first time. ride in an uber at all for maybe the 5th time. as a very short young woman. which i have been expressedly warned by my parents not to do. lol <3

check into a hotel by myself for the first time

walk in a big city by myself for the first time (technically slightly untrue bc wjen i was last in ch!cago 5 years ago i did power walk from the hotel to the conference venue (like a block away) on the last day bc i was pissed about a situation but that was like… a block and i saw ppl i knew walking in that area. this time i will be in the same city and know no one at least for today

give myself a self care evening at the recommendation of my therapist…. for the first time. (maybe after i take a walk which i will do specifically when it’s still light out to see what the area is like). tonight no one i know will be in ch!cago yet and i have no plans to do anything. im going to play video games and draw and sing and give myself space and time to just enjoy being by myself and see how it goes

#purrs #conference tag #chicago #im very very very scared. that i won’t be able to handle it. i have craved solitude but also don’t know if it’s something i actually want o #if it’s a product of my circumstances. i am not used to being completely alone like that like whenever ive had it there have always been #other ppl in the building that ive had to be cognizant of and that will be true of a hotel too but bc i don’t know the people i will feel #less responsible to them . like obviously im not goi ng to sing at the top of my lungs but i will feel like i can sing which ive never felt #like i can do when ive lived with roommates or at home kinda. idk. my therapist was challenging me to experiment with fear by asking myself #if im really in danger or if im just uncomfortable / about to experience something ive never done before and right now im so extremely #anxious but what i am about to do is not inherently dangerous and i need to recognize im just experiencing something new and do it scared. #like im literally terrified i can’t describe how scared i am in a way that does it justice. but i am going to be okay. and when i tell #myself that i make it so. #trina vega voice im a woman…… [about to be] in ch!cago….. who’s SCARED! #i also have no idea how to be in a big city and be safe. like what do i do if im followed or if someone tries to attack me or something. #obviously the chances of that are extremely slim but ive had it hammered into me that if i am alone in a city that’s what’s going to happen #to me bc i am such a ~weak and defenseless small young woman~ lol. but bc i believed the fear and have had very little experience in citie #i have no idea how to navigate them or to be safe which creates the problem. like it makes it true that i am weak and defenseless bc i have #been shielded from being able to learn how to be smart and strong and cognizant of my surroundings. and i am so angry about it and hope tha #i will SHATTER that sense when im there and come away from it w confidence ive never had before #like i don’t have… pepper spray or anything like that. idk if that’s a thing ppl actually carry on them or if it’s just a thing ppl say. i #genuinely have zero idea at all. and i really really hope i won’t be in a situation where i’ll wish i had some. i doubt i will be but still

[orchideae]

I have so very much to catch up on, my sincerest apologies, seriously— there's been mental madness going on behind the scenes, including this weekend. Please, let December be the month where normality starts and stays.

And on a more IC note, I often talk about solitude and isolation (and its origins in a very specific kind of loneliness) that is chosen and accepted, but I don't know if I ever talk about what that looks like exactly, and why, quite frankly, it's a little... for lack of a better word, concerning. Do me a favor, if you're in Genshin, turn your clock to nighttime, then go out into any of the cities, villages, camps, footholds and look up, no matter the nation you're in. How many characters are able to do that, and see a night sky that is nothing but void of any and all bounds and limitations? How many of them see that endless array of stars that illuminate it, and how many feel the cool fresh air that tickles their skin? For many, they can leave the four walls that house them, and experience that sight and sensation, because all of us to an extent, crave that. And honestly, so can Yelan— but she also, if not more often so, chooses to see something else. And the unusual concept of choosing that, is a driving force to my decisions for her and why I deem them so incredibly important: it's about the state of mind, it's about the mental that drives her.

On many days and nights especially, this is what she sees, and this is only if she doesn't descend further into the Chasm (which we know that she does), closer to the Abyss and to the Celestial nail itself that rests at its heart. And yes, it is beautiful in its own way, a pathway illuminated by the light of the moon and the nail, but it's also a cruel reminder of just how far the surface, and humans that live there (that she is by all accounts a part of, of course), are. But then, when she returns her gaze to the ground, her surroundings are void of light and dare I say, void of hope. The Chasm isn't just one of the places where you can get the closest to the Abyss, but it also consists of ruins of more than just one civilization. We see glimpses of Khaenri'ah (which we explore more closely through Dain's quest), but we know there is 'fauna' down there, even deeper, that is referenced as belonging to an even more ancient civilization that predated it. The Chasm is surrounded by reminders of death, ruin, and in that, it feels as if it's the direct foil of the world above it. The Chasm was almost the end of Liyue five-hundred years ago during the fall of Khaenri'ah, just as it had, apparently, once been to a civilization before it (please remember, the impact of the meteorite/fallen star that created the Chasm occurred roughly 6000 years ago), and its creatures wouldn't have stopped at its borders. The Chasm is the engulfing darkness in direct opposition to the light of life overhead, and the hope that humanity holds in the palms of its hands. It's dark, it's grim, and it's cold in more ways than one (See one, two, three, four).

And this place is a choice that Yelan makes to venture to and stay in, yes, yet calling it a choice is where it gets so interesting. Once upon a time, long before she got her vision, she was part of a team that surveyed the surroundings of the Chasm, and like many others before them that have descended into it, all members of this team, excluding her, died. The circumstances aren't clear, but following Yelan's line to Ning, I'm lead to believe that the Chasm's surroundings, which are all rather clearly threats to non-vision holders in specific (which Yelan also was at the time), were directly responsible for their demise. I'll note my hypothesis on what could have happened to them in a different post in the future, as I don't want to go far off-topic, but despite having likely witnessed what occurred to them, seeing the ruins of the Chasm, the threat of the Abyss and barely understanding what the Abyss even is, she continues to venture down there because the possibility of what could happen to the people of Liyue, is more important than her own existence and/or survival. And this bears even more weight following the events of Perilous Trail part 2, where she witnessed just how much the Chasm is capable of. Is this walking engima of a woman also drawn to equal or greater mystery than herself, much like a moth to a flame? I think that's part of it, but I definitely think it's infinitely more multi-layered.

Mostly, I think that this plays into the heart of what Fontaine has shown us that 'hydro' seems to represent: it's not merely a sense of responsibility (and/or justice) or selflessness, but a semblance of self-sacrifice either during the duration of one's life or at its end, either literally or figuratively. But keeping that in mind, what I really want to shine a spotlight on, is what kind of self-sacrifice seems to be the case with Yelan, and the way in which she seems to not just be at peace with it, but has truly accepted it almost as something akin to normality. And more importantly, note how this isn't normal behavior. An acceptance of solitude in such depressing surroundings is incredibly saddening, because it's not something that we ever crave by any means or should ever come to crave. Any regular individual, even most vision-holders surely, would find what she does insane to some extent. And yet, she walks the depths of the Chasm, of all places, with a similar routine as a Millelith guard patrols the outskirts of the harbor. Regardless of her clear reason for it— god, I have difficulty explaining what I'm trying to say; how does someone get to a point where they no longer do something so depressing out of necessity, but because it's... normal? That's her. The Chasm isn't... as eerie to her as it is to others, even if she knows better than most what these surroundings are; the Chasm it isn't as dangerous, even if she knows that it is and it's why she's there in the first place, to her as it is to others. Perhaps it's simply an acceptance that regardless of its dangers, that her fate lies in those depths as it did for her ancestors, that the Chasm's ruins will include her own legacy one day. But again, how does one come to terms with that? How do you come to make the decision that you will sacrifice yourself for others, especially when it means resigning yourself to a place like the Chasm, a place that is home to a pathway to the Abyss, which inherently holds the power to drive mortals to madness and death. Many wouldn't do this, or rather, many couldn't do this, not until they had no other choice and even then, think of Boyang, and even Bosacius, granted the latter had lost his mind by then. And that's where I think she's unique, because she technically has a choice, unlike individuals like Xiao whose... direct 'responsibility' and contract it is to do what he does. She could walk away tomorrow if she willed it, but she doesn't. Yes, responsibility plays into it, but the Chasm really hits differently when you tie it into that.

Now, I do need to note that I firmly stand against any believe that she a death wish or is thoroughly depressed. She isn't going down there over and over because she seeks an end to her life in some way or because she believes her life to be worthless. Quite the contrary, actually, and one could argue that the reasoning for that lies with her survivor's guilt. But all in all, before I get sidetracked again: Yelan embraces solitude to a rather extreme extent, and yet she doesn't seem to harbor a dissociation from the rest of humanity or dislike of it, but she does seem to place a firm line between non-allogenes and herself (and others who hold a vision). But what I mean with embracing solitude, is that while she is social, and she understands the laws and diplomacy of social behavior, she isn't one to always engage in it, simply because many don't seem to quite... share her headspace.

#[ meta. ] the chances are if i open this door; there can be no witnesses left alive. is that a sufficient reason for you? #[ honestly this is the biggest mess; but i've wanted to touch on this for a while even while this is a mess. ] #[ it's just the concept of-- there's a difference between dynamics where this on surface-level doesn't matter so much. ] #[ but it does explain the differences beween /some/ dynamics and most. xiao and yelan is one of them-- ] #[ but with xiao there's arguably the concept of karmic debt and how dangerous it is to non-allogenes. ] #[ and this sense of solitude is inherently ingrained in him in vastly different ways. but there /are/ some similarities. ] #[ but all in all-- this for example also plays into why i can only ship yelan at present with wriothesley. ] #[ and it's mostly because of the way his life seems to have led him to make a similar decision of likely staying in the meropide... ] #[ for the rest of his life. that's a specific type of decision to make that i think many couldn't make as easily. ] #[ not saying he made it as easily-- but it's this concept of... i think the only ones who really would understand are the ones... ] #[ who are able to make a similar decision or have already. i don't think every characer's 'loneliness' should be supplemented... ] #[ or 'fixed' by another's or someone who's the opposite. it needs to hit right; it needs to click just right for me. ] #[ and this one does. ] #[ it's the similarities with /just/ enough differences that you create a balance in which there's a semblance of peace. ] #[ but a peace that isn't constant. ] #[ i don't know how to word-- i just. 😭 one day you guys will get a proper meta from me on this. ]

[golvio]

Headcanon rambling ahoy, inspired by my thoughts from a Twitter thread that I had no room for, about a topic that people might not be interested in/care to hear contrasting headcanons about.

Again, this is a headcanon, not a theory or assertion I expect anyone to take as fact. These are my personal opinions on the matter, feel free to ignore them if you disagree with them.

Am I the only person who doesn’t really see Ganondorf as “dad” material? Besides the fact that he seems absolutely uninterested in procreation, much less marrying a queen or even having girlfriends. It feels like all the popular headcanons I’ve seen involve him having a gaggle of concubines and a million biokids, or he’s constantly adopting the younger iterations of Zelda & Link after being overwhelmed by paternal instinct, but…I just don’t see it. Like, I get that one scene with him tucking in an unconscious Tetra in Wind Waker resonated with a lot of people, but I feel like whatever sympathy he felt for Tetra was a very special case, given how he’s drawn to people he feels he has something in common with, particularly some sort of loss or denial of one’s ambitions or potential by The Gods/fate/Hylia herself/the royal family/whatever.

His aversion to/complete lack of interest in cishetero entanglements in every game he’s been in is to the point where, even if he’s not necessarily not attracted to women, I feel like there’s something about Gerudo culture that means marriage or even a totally informal romantic/sexual relationship with a woman would severely limit his personal and political autonomy as king. Also, the guy intends to live forever. He can’t really do that when he has a bunch of snotty, spoiled little blood descendants getting all uppity about their inheritance and trying to off him because he won’t get his ancient butt off that throne. Why on earth would a guy concerned with that carelessly spray his gametes around like some medieval European monarch?

The guy’s not even willing to marry a woman for political reasons! Not even for a land or cash grab from a rich and powerful family, or to stabilize relations with a warring kingdom, or to solidify his claim to a land he conquered, which was the only reason why nobles ever got married back then. He has kidnapped Zelda a million times, but has never once breathed a word about marrying her despite his whole schtick being the ultranationalist “Big Scary Foreigner Man Threatens Our Nation’s Fair, Nubile Women.”

I really do believe that one of the big reasons he keeps cutting ties with the Gerudo, beyond the political disagreements and murder and starting/continuing multiple wars, is that he cannot stand the pressure put on him as king to marry and make babies. He loves his culture. He loves his position. He loves his people (provided they respect him, keep their hands to themselves, and let him be in charge of everything). But he does not love the prospect of being passed off to someone like a prized breeding bull just because the elders of every tribe in the Gerudo region got together and decided she’d be the best candidate for queen.

And then there’s my general read on his personality. I can see him being the owner of many dangerous pets who he spoils rotten. I can see him tending a garden outside his castle full of brightly flowering ornamental plants (which are also very dangerous and would probably kill anyone who didn’t take the proper safety precautions). But I can’t see him raising a kid, whether from infancy or adopted at an older age. If he tried, he’d probably be really bad at it. The guy’s practically oozing generational trauma instead of sebum from the oil glands in his skin, getting it on everything he touches. He’s gotta sort his own business out before even considering taking on someone else’s. 😅

#loz thoughts #imo ​i also consider that in the games where he’s ‘won’ in the perfect castle he builds for himself he’s ALONE #no wife he took during the timeskip #no sexy scantily clad courtesans draped idly across his lap #in cadence he’s just got his big obnoxious pipe organ and ignores everything else #and in tears he has a throne big enough to fit a whole swinger party on top of that he occupies all by himself to meditate #he wants quiet and solitude for meditation or indulging in his personal obsessions #no toddlers running around #no spouse interrupting him with inlaw drama or reminding him of his Husbandly Duties hem hem #and that’s why i think that’s how he’s got his priorities set up #is he happy? absolutely not #but I don’t think he’d be any happier in an arranged marriage or with a baby dumped into his lap #any idea of ‘family’ he has comes from either his bioparents or his adoptive mothers #with him as the baby of the family and the only child and the center of attention #he would not handle being expected to play the june cleaver househusband or constantly self-sacrificing mom role well

[dnangelic]

tbh whenever i think about dark's ephemerality i think about kosuke bringing up how even though daisuke's already adjusted to having dark with him, it's still very strange for even kosuke himself, not to mention other people, and nobody but daisuke really knows dark either. because of the way he exists, he's not the 'main' personality and shows up then vanishes, shows up then vanishes in an instant all the time. i know it's a joke but i especially think about the one night magic comic where sugisaki switched up the genre for fun and made wiz a kaiju attacking the city, which daisuke then transforms into dark to solve and clean up - but dark only gets to exist for 3 minutes. there's also his complaint that he never gets to do anything during the day, or the asuka publication flavor texts bringing up the way he has to 'hide his face' and the way nobody knows him. it's all. hmmm. just a wee bit sad tbh

#*･ﾟ⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT. #BGLAKJLAKJKDJ im not thinking im just feeling #no dramatic scholarly point to make aside from yeah dark really is just kinda now you see me now you don't #which is VERY like leroux's erik too #shows up in glimpses freaks everybody out then masterfully vanishes #there's also the fact dark doesn't care what his hosts do with his form which is just kinda. hrmmjgkjkj #it feels like him vicariously coping #he wants to exist he can't exist without his hosts he wants his own life but is stuck attached to the niwa #therefore. the niwa can do whatever with him/his appearance if only to give him more presence/'life' in the face of others #there's probably a better way to explain this but i do NOT have the headspace for it #whenever i think abt dark's loneliness my brain goes back to manisumea........ oughhrhghrhghh the only one who DID sort of know him #a 'younger' dark.... #and -just- dark.... argentine might count too #as someone who can glimpse dark's intense solitude and suffering #dark himself never talks about any of this he refuses 2 b pathetic (he is though)