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the-s1lly-corner · 11 months

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Hi. Can I request something similar to the immortals outliving you? Could it be with the rest of the characters and us passing from other causes?

Their reactions to losing you

I wasnt sure if you wanted the immortals as well, so I added them in here as well!

This is all written in one go since tumblr doesnt let me save drafts for asks so I apologize for any spelling/grammar mistakes <\3 it's like 1am rn

CONTENT WARNINGS, idk what all needs a warning but I'd rather play it VERY safe:

M*rder

M*rder revenge, almost all of them touch on it tbh, love me the revenge trope

Snorts^

D3ath, obviously

Grief and the general hurt that comes with it

In EJs case he sees your death first hand

Does violently slamming yourself around count as SH /genq, because if so that's vagued in EJs part as well

Maskys handles a hit and run but its vague

Masky also hints to a smoking addiction

Nonspecific illness in hoodies part

Slenderman;

I remember that I mentioned this for Slendermans part, but I had an idea that he already accepted that fact that you wouldn't last forever

But I don't remember if I mentioned/vagued the idea of how he'd react to you're life being forcibly cut short

Accepting the fact you'll eventually pass away does nothing when he finds out someone else was responsible for your sudden end

All that comes out is a cold rage, something that the creature hasn't experienced in a long time

Writing this, it makes me remember that clip from the first episode of castlevania where dracula appears in the fire in episode one, after they kill his wife

But instead of carelessly showing himself to the world in a fit of rage, he fiercely protects everything that you touched; his forest, your home, your grave, ect

But despite the rage he doesnt immediately take down the person who caused this

Nonono, he does what he does best; he chips away at the person's mind through stalking and paranoia, essentially tormenting them for.. god knows how long until he gets bored

When he does decide hes through with them he'll make sure their... death... is drawn out

Basically don't meddle in the life of a forest monster; he may be a very... passionate.. lover

Splendorman;

Incredibly similar to the other version of this post where he naturally outlives you

But if you pass unnaturally, he'd be even more torn up about it

His time with you was already going to be short to begin with, but it was cut down even shorter

Doesnt matter the cause; murder, illness, accident, ect.. he'll be just as broken up

There's no real significant changes; he still mourns and honors you the same way for the most part

Laughing Jack;

It was an accident; one day you were there and the next, gone

He would stay in the house for a few days, not even knowing what was going on

At first he'd be worried and confused, before those feelings would deepen into something debilitating

He'd probably eventually find out through the news, after turning on the tv to pass the time and fill the silence

His worry immediately morphs into ice cold; he could feel his heart drop

He'd throw caution to the wind and try to track down whoever did he

He doesnt care if it was an accident, he wants justice and compensation

He follows a similar route as slenderman; the only thing is, is that jack lacks the patience to draw it out

After everything is said and done he's beside himself; avenging you didnt bring him back and it hardly made him feel better

He likely just. Goes back to what he was doing before he met you; drifting from house to house and causing havoc; but now he carries a melancholic aura

Eyeless Jack;

Another story of revenge, but with a twist so his part isnt too similar to LJ and slenders

So I'll be using the idea I should've given slenderman (but I'm too stubborn to rewrite his part)

Like Slenderman, Jack is seen as a cryptid and thus, there are naturally going to be people trying to hunt him down. Especially considering before he was a cursed monster he was a normal dude who got caught up in a whole... thing... and who's body was obviously never found as it still walks

Jack is.. semi used to that; but one day he completely catches him off guard, and what's worse is that you were there when it happened

It was a group, too, usually they come in two; but there were more that day. If it were less Jack could have easily put a stop to it all

It escalated

You had tried to step in to help him, to buy him some time so he could run; but it all went wrong

I don't like going into detail about this kind of thing, so this will be up to interpretation

The whole thing flings him into a rage and he makes quick work of the remaining hunters, but it's all too late

Even if he wasn't, how could he help? He cant just leave the woods and dump you at a hospital... but he doesnt have the supplies to help you then and there... and even if he did you were both much too far away from the cabin

It just leaves him helplessly trying to stop the bleeding

He hardly ever leaves the woods after that; not even to eat

He's resorted to.. rather violently subduing the monstrous side of him that craves flesh

There's broken furniture everywhere

He blames himself

He should have had you stay in the cabin

He should have told you to run

He should have told you to hide

He should've...

The worst thing is that he begins to believe that it was his fault; afterall he let you out of his sight when he began fighting. Even worse, and perhaps stupidly, he believed this wouldn't have happened if he never met you

Its

Rough

Masky;

He just sits there, quietly

Be it shock or something else he just sits there

But his mind is going a mile a minute to try to figure out what exactly happened to you

You were.. in a wreck, and the other person just. Fled.

As feral as I tend to write and interpret masky, he can be thorough when it comes to investigating

Though I'm torn in whether or not he'd actually be able to find the person; especially because I'm kinda. Dumb when it comes to crime stuff and I'm not about to do mental gymnastics on something I'm not confident in <\3

In terms of grief, he seems... lost...

I don't usually hc that Masky smokes; that's just a Tim thing

But I feel like the smoking would bleed into Masky and become a whole... issue.. whether or not Tim as his own person knows about you/was involved with you is up to interpretation; as I tend to write the proxies as a separate.. thing

Still trying to find the correct term

But yeah

Focusing back in on Masky, he's kinda just lost. Angry, definitely, but mostly just. Wandering through life

He doesn't want to forget you

Hoodie;

Similar to Masky he's quiet and lost

Similarly he would feel the urge to try to find out who took you away; but I feel we've had enough "S/o dies at the hands of someone else" for this post, so we'll do something else... and because I fear hoodies portion will be too similar to maskys

You got sick, to put it simply

It's.. odd..

He's well aware that you're deteriorating, and he's aware that time is running out

But he can't help but feel calm in your presence; its only when you're apart that he feels that dread, and its constant

Maybe it's the fact that when he's with you he can easily convince himself that, in that moment, you're alright

It hurts when it finally happens

Out of all the guys, he's probably the most normal(?) About the situation

He visits your grave, a lot of the time, leaves little gifts there

He doesn't talk much, but he probably talks to you

Likely keeps something on him to remember you, like a locket or something

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mersei47 · 1 year

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mh fix it au doodles that I just got to draw it out (below is my ramblings about this au)

- so like jay got shot but hes not dead and got send back in time before everything go to shit or all is just a big fever dream (I cant decide which one is better)

- and jay is the only one know about this then he has to do something so history wont repeat itself

- oh theres skully too but they are not jay but a different entity that is there to help jay defeats the operator (think of it like when you played game then died first try the second try you got a helping hand or assist so you wont die again)

- skully lives with jay at his apartment while both of them try to find a way to end this (skully is a good roommate if you get to know them :D)

- everyone that got contacted with operator can see skully (means that everyone except mh crew (+ jessica, amy etc.) cant see skully)

- jay probably ten times more paranoid about everything and everyone now that he knows whats gonna happen

- last time jay and tim ever interact didnt end well (at least for jay) so he has mixed feeling towards tim. and tim knows jay been keeping smth from everyone but doesn't wanna pry it out, yet

- skully at first just there to help defeating the operator but when times go on they help jay mending his relationship with his friends too

- one time when the crew shooting movie near the wood area alex saw jay walked out of forest looked disoriented and frustrated with leaf all over his head. everyone at crew just had to come charged at jay asking him what happened but jay doesnt want to talk about it since he knew it would involved them and risk being killed

- there will be time when he learned that he cant work alone forever (because look where it led him in the past)

- and skull know this too so they try to reach out to everyone else (brian, tim) to help jay which is very hard because brian and tim freaked out at first because "dude theres a masked man stalking us wtf????" (similar to how skully try to reach out to jessica in comic)

- jay cant seem to stay close with alex for a very long time because he will have panic attack (I mean alex did kill him and he probably still shocked) and as much as alex wants to ask jay what happened jay cant think of straight answers

- (theory time) now that I think about a way to defeat operator the only things I can think of is 1. defeat it within the ark 2. burn the forest (too hardcore and didnt solved the root cause) 3. or operator is the result of everyone's undiagnosed mental illness they refuse to acknowledged it and get help (jay and alex is clear examples). Operator is still real but it targets peoples like them. If they got the help them should probably can uh fight it off (this starting to sounds like cthulhu stuff)

I tried my best to sound understandable orz

#marble hornets #jay merrick #myart #I passed out half way writing this I actually intented to post this last night #mh rewind au

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ultra-raging-ghost · 3 months

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Im real nervous main tagging this because ive said my main peace and i dont wanna clog the tag up, but i will say after some context given i have a couple more thoughts?

tw// SA, r//pe mention, etc.

This will be a controversial statement. Me personally, i dont really honestly care? About what he said? It was eight years ago and he hasnt repeated the actions so i dont honestly and truly care what he did eight years ago, he was 19 then hes like 26 now theres honestly and truly a BIG maturity distance between 19 and 26, but also it was. Eight years ago? Thats all i have to say on that?

I Also dont really care for how it was brought to light, from what ive heard from pt speakers the expose was done by someone whos publicly anti towards the Brazilian CCs and ive heard they've dug up some dumb things about pac that werent "hot" enough to get trending i guess and definitely werent condemnable enough to get him cancelled, so it's honestly and truly in my heart something i see as being done in bad faith.

Alongside this, ive seen translation screenshots from one of the "victims" (not sure her stance on being called this so its in quotes) stating she does NOT want to be aligned with these allegations and has changed her username and profile picture because she honestly doesnt wanna be involved and doesnt want it being spread around, this is something else i view as bad faith and if anyone was affected by this then its the best thing to do as they wish, this not only affects the person being called out but also their victim negatively, especially if the victims profile is easily attached to their real life and especially when the victim is a female victim of assault or rape or anything like that, i hate to say it but as an afab person ive seen it firsthand that thats honestly the culture surrounding assault victims, and most people dont want that being brought up or put out in the public. Im a victim myself - people view you differently, it affects platonic and romantic relationships, it affects jobs, you are actively hurting the victim by spreading this if they dont want you to do so and arent prepared for that to be spread around.

From what ive seen, some people are condemning Forever for getting a lawyer - i dont view this as him being automatically guilty. I view this as him getting a lawyer because this person on twitter has been actively harassing not just him but all the brazilian CCs on the QSMP. This is harassment, the case against them will hold up in court and Forever has said he will speak about this more when everything is said and done

Alongside this, i will say im unhappy with Forever specifically for his statement on the situation. It wasnt handled the way we wouldve liked it, but it also wasnt handled via ukelele, it wasnt handled the worst way it could've been. Ive heard pt speakers say it was kind of formal, there was some slang in there but overall i've read the translated statement and to me it sounds more like a legal statement than anything - he mentioned having a lawyer, chances are the lawyer helped him write it. To me it doesnt sound like anything he'd fully say which is why i was so put off by it at first but this makes more sense to me honestly, i dont know if anyone would agree with this.

TL;DR

All in all, i think its a shitty situation but nothing to condemn Forever over. I ask people be thoughtful regarding the girl affected, and dont spread shit around with her name or profile attached to it unless she states otherwise. It was handled badly on Forever's end and blew up WAY too fast on twitter.

I've generally seen people be well behaved on here, ive seen some strong statements but otherwise i like to think we're better than twitter.

This probably wont be my last post on this as we get more on the situation over the next couple days, but this is my main thoughts right now. I'm still choosing to remain neutral, but more mixed than anything.

#qsmp #the forever situation #forever player g

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splatattackz · 6 months

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and, springing off of my last post, heres a greater post talking about ramon and his relation with lying and secret-keeping - because, in my opinion, its a topic that needs to be known to better understand his character as secrets are a big part of his family.

ill place the talk under the cut so this post doesnt take too much space :)

"just [to] let u know, i trust u even in the dark"

ramon trusts fit. a ton. and theres nothing that could ever change that. he trusts what is kept secret is best kept this way. its why he wasnt as persistent to know about the contract, even if he knew there was lies and secrets at play that he hated. he trusted him. and that trust only grew when fit trusted him enough back to tell him a little bit of the family secret (the contract).

but, despite this trust, ramon also loves fit all too much. its why he gets so defensive when fit tells lies to him. ramon is a very observant boy. he knows a lot of things he shouldnt because of this. as fit once said, "the kids too damn smart for his own good". no lie leaves his detection because he can always tell the way people shift and change when theyre fibbing. but he doesnt push or prod on the matter usually. unless its fit. because he loves him too much. he needs to know whats going on with him. if he doesnt know, how can he help and protect him? its a reason he hates it when fit mutes, too. he always feels like fits keeping a secret from him when it happens.

i remember one time they were working on ground zero (i think it was the last time they worked on ground zero) and fit was fretting over his contract and ramon made a joke about how he acted like he would die if he didnt fullfill the contract. and fit laughed and said "no, ramon, i wont die." and then muted and said smth like "itll be much worse than death". and ramon noticed fit muted and got very upset. he basically threw a tantrum over it and wouldnt talk to fit until he told him what he was keeping secret. ramon said he was upset because the topic at hand (fit dying) and the fact he muted didn't spell anything good.

"if u tell me i [either] [lose] everything or u, i would choose [to keep] u"

something ramon said to show how much he cared for fit and how that care is why he was so upset. eventually fit did tell him and even told him more about what it meant if he didnt fullfill the contract - that if he failed, he would be trapped in the wastelands forever with no escape. and that this contract was his only chance at a semi-normal life.

but otherwise, ramons relation to lies and secret-keeping isnt negative. he has told lies and has kept secrets himself. hes no stranger to it. and he even keeps fit in check about the contract when he wants to tell other people things. i remember when fit found tazercraft in the prison he wanted to tell phil but ramon stopped him and told him some things are best kept secret. and, while this was mainly a very hrp response bc the admin wanted to let the duo solve the puzzles, he made a good point of if he trusts phil enough with this maybe he should tell him about the contract too. to which fit said "no, hes not ready to know about it yet". and, again, when ramon first built the satellite for the second attempt at contact, fit wanted to tell phil where he would be in case anything happened. and, again, ramon stopped him and reminded him if he wanted to do that then he'd have to tell phil everything. and the convo ended there.

(its no coincidence that fit told phil about the secret bedroom with ramon not around :] the baby boy cant keep him in check with that stuff now..)

ill stop the post here before we are here for hours but. i needed to talk about one of ramons most interesting aspects ajaja i hope you enjoyed the little ramble

#aaaa this post is so long #and nonsensical #sorry!!!#im just #very normal about this egg okay #i need him back NOW #before i sob and cry #qsmp #qsmp ramon #character analysis #<- ig!#qsmpattackz #splatattackz

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andromerot · 4 months

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my pedro almodóvar marathon. thoughts, feelings, tier list

or, i spent like 50 hours on this so i better get to post about it

well, i'd be lying if i said i set out to do this with any clear goals in mind. i sort of just wanted to watch movies. this year i set out to watch through a couple of directors entire works, but ran into complications or got bored. so anyway when i finished my term i decided id try a third time with my best friend pedro. i had watched five of his films already but was mostly unaware of other things he had made. on the 22nd of november i started with matador, then went on and in exactly a month i had watched all of his feature films yayyy

so this is how i ranked them on letterboxd and this is a tier list. this doesnt really sum up my thoughts though so im leaving a little review for each below the cut, in the order i watched them in this month hope someone cares :) thank you

matador (1986): ohhhhhh my god. absolutely unexpected how insane this movie made me. many people say its not very good, i dont think that's true. transgressive, erotic, camp, necrosexual, implicit faggot tension, beautiful costuming, insanely talented cast of so many characters sick in the head. watching this one first really hyped me up to keep at it and to close out the month i rewatched it the other day and though it was less surprising than the first time i watched it its maybe my favorite now :) it has structural flaws i suppose. but i love it

¿que he hecho yo para merecer esto? (1984): pretty funny! not bad at all, i remember enjoying it as i watched it, it just wasnt very memorable. i enjoy every performance by carmen maura, chus was stellar as always and forqué was really sweet in this one too, i liked it. i literally forgot half of the plot though. did anyone remember the telepathic child or the faked hitler diaries? i didnt until i looked it up.

la ley del deseo (1987) (rewatched): showed this one to my friend, god its iconic. some of my favorite chiques almodovar. so fun to watch and so silly even though its not quite a comedy. the fact that antonio is just called antonio in this one makes me unwarrantedly happy. MAURA THE WOMAN THAT YOU ARE!! very hot all around. i think i liked it better this time than the other two i had watched it.

pepi, luci, bom y otras chicas del montón (1980): everyone talks about how sexually transgressive 80s almodovar is and i was like yeah whatever until i watched this one. straight up trilogy of trash shit. so beautiful. i wish every movie was like this. no one likes it but i adored it. erecciones generales will stay in my mind forever and i loved the musical numbers. and the piss, of course.

entre tinieblas (1983): also somewhat forgettable, though i watched it while pretty worried about something else so maybe i didnt give it the attention it deserved. its not a bad time but i wouldn't rewatch it. based on the premise you think it'd be better.

la flor de mi secreto (1995) (rewatched): OH GOD. until last month my favorite almodóvar, its been outdone but it still destroys me. its terribly underrated. i dont even know what i can say about it... marisa paredes is stunning at doing desperation. the boots, the scene at the protest, the initial meeting with ángel, the poem in the car, that moment in the hall. it's beautiful and breathtaking. lesbian film history, i promise.

todo sobre mi madre (1999): like, its good, but i dont get what people see in it that makes it so acclaimed. again paredes is great in this, but penélope is somewhat tame compared to what she does later, and this is the point in the list where i have to admit cecilia roth is not very good to me and all my compatriots start throwing rocks at me. listen i just wish she'd stop doing that stupid accent its so fucking bad cecilia sincerate seguro sos de villa crespo. anyway its fine if a bit weird about trans women, but hes always a hit or miss w that

átame (1989): took a big break between the last one and this one for some reason. anyway, pretty funny, except it really drags in the middle. shouldnt have been that long, but victoria abril always slays and the last scene is wonderful.

tacones lejanos (1991): WOAHHHHH! really cool i liked it. i love a mother daughter thing especially this mother and this daughter. really fun doppelganger story and i love how it was told, i found it both melodramatic and subtle? miguel bosé makes a really pretty girl, this will inform my every subsequent rewatch of suspiria. big fan of his gender. dance number fucked obvs

kika (1993) (rewatch): ok, i know why people don't like this one, but its so silly... cmon. it sillay. once again incredible abril performance, the costuming my god.... her character makes the whole movie i wish i was her. lesbian rossy de palma was wonderful and every forqué performance is a delight. pedro getting hitchcockian with it to slightly trick the audience is a staple of his 90s filmography, fucks.

carne trémula (1997): the title made me think it would be better! there was barely any carne. i didn't really see the point of most of it tbh, though based on how the movie starts and ends there might be some spanish historical context that im missing that makes it more interesting. strangely reminiscing of the buenos aires affair to me, but puig is better. yeah it was just pretty boring.

laberinto de pasiones (1982): YAYYYYYY i had some trouble torrenting so i watched it really out of order this but its SO FUN. obviously in the same vein as pepi luci bom but i liked it slightly more just for how unnecessarily elaborate it was. the one major role i dont mind roth being in and im a big fan of antonios gay terrorist with an ultradeveloped sense of smell character and arias is really into his very silly character too – he works well in secreto as well, i wish hed been on more almodovares, i should finally watch camila. liné was hilarious too. the problematic incest storyline was really funny to me sorryyyyy and i got a lot of gender out of the musical performances. hey can you believe that beautiful fag covered in blood is a franquista now. i can

hable con ella (2002): ehhhhhhh. some people really hate this one for the couple scenes i found most interesting, others love it for reasons i cant parse. its got parts that caught my attention a lot, but mostly it was eerie in an unenjoyable and uninteresting way and the backstories dragged on too long, especially grandinetti's. like i just don't care sorry. THE scene is quite disturbing though. i appreciated he decided to show rape in a more subtle light for once, it made it a lot more cruel and a lot more interesting.

la mala educación (2004) (rewatch): sighhhh. i really wish i liked this one. its got so many elements i am into – the colours are obviously spectacular, the unreliable multiple narrations and the disassembled timelines are always enjoyable to me, the attempt at social commentary is appreciated, some scenes are stunning (fictional ignacios head split in half is unforgettable) but quite honestly the characterization is so bad it bores me. i liked it more the first time i watched it just because of how confused i was, once i wasnt it lost its magic. maybe the worst in what is considered the "somewhat autobiographical movies about directors" trilogy (i think there's four of them but we'll discuss that later) probably because the character of enrique is so bland. i know its more but it feels that you only spend like five minutes with him. ángel/juan's motivations for anything are so puzzling, ignacio is just a caricature at this point and probably the character with the most depth is berenguer, which is ironic, i guess

volver (2006): WAHHH. its hard to talk about it honestly. it was so unexpectedly beautiful. the acting is so on point – penélope cruz and that beautiful carmen maura comeback are self evident, but blanca portillo is also stellar. it was fascinating from minute one and i couldnt keep my eyes off it. its written with such care and love. i suppose the plot itself is nothing out of this world, but the way it is handled is explosive. i really adored it.

los abrazos rotos (2009): the fourth bastard on the self insert series! cmon, its way more about himself than la mala educación. anyway, its good at some points, not very in others. the strong point is obviously the relationship between mateo, judit and diego, their refusal to be tied as a family and their desire to be tied by love is reaaaally interesting. the scene at the sea... but penélope and her millionaire and her millionaires son do nothing interesting at any point, im afraid to say. sad! surprisingly not very memorable, even though i didnt dislike it as i watched it. like i remember i liked some things but if a couple weeks later i dont remember what they were its probably the movies fault

la piel que habito (2011): AUGHHH OK. fuck. THIS ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD. it wasnt it was really mid. when it started i was like oh is pedro trying out his hand at cronenberg and i was really excited because im SURE he can do cronenberg better than cronenberg but he didnt. it was worse. how are you giving your women less agency than that guy??? honestly probably the first ever film of his where this is a noticeable problem, though penélope in the last one should give us a hint. ughh it should have been good. im mad about that. no desire to question gender or power and the unchronological storytelling does nothing for me. BAD! if anything i recognized its sexual power for if banderas character was a woman i would be throwing up and convulsing on the floor. i hope vicente and his lesbian coworker had a beautiful romance i guess. i cant believe some people call this one one of the most controversial of his work....

los amantes pasajeros (2013): hm well everyone was like THIS is the bad one and i was like i bet you guys are just being mean but no yeah this is the bad one. its not funny and it drags on so long...i can usually defend the rape scenes in his movies, even in kika or hable con ella, but this one just sucks so bad. i was prepared to defend this movie but i cant. as soon as the movie started i was trying to guess where all the threads would connect, how all the characters would be linked and they mostly... weren't? also the reference to the gazpacho scene in mujeres made me groan out loud.

julieta (2016): well i dont really know what this was supposed to be....it feels on the surface it could have been really good but something about it felt so emotionless. it was an odd experience, watching it, because i expected to be moved by so many scenes and i never was. i dont know what the point of it was.

dolor y gloria (2019): ok yeah this one was sweet! didn't blow my mind or anything but it was very cleverly made...a really more beautiful way to do the childhood-as-movie thing than in mala educación, i really enjoyed it. nostalgia bores me sometimes but i feel hes not being annoying about it. long live old man yaoi (and finally an argentinian actor i DONT hate...) and that beautiful beautiful cave and that mind gripping apartment bringing in the characteristic insane set design but in a new way...i had a good time

madres paralelas (2021): oh this could have been so good! it wasnt but honestly i dont remember exactly why i disliked it. i suppose i didnt connect to the characters and that it is a story that requires that to engage you – their motivations were really out of place and unlike other movies that bothered me. really interesting premise, didnt work out. im sad about it. could have been cool.

yeah so that's it i only realized while writing this that i forgot to rewatch mujeres but obvs that ones very good, proper classic, quote it every time i eat gazpacho and such. also extraña forma de vida is a snore i refuse to watch it again. i hope this works as a rec list for someone. and i am ready to be stoned by my wrong opinions by the rest of you

#lol ive had this on my drafts for like a week. i forgor

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cosmic-d1ce · 6 months

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Okay I read as much tag as I could find and I'm just curious... BBH and fml au? I don't really specific questions, but like... there was a reference to him trying to help? or phil going to him specifically? I think? I read a lot of posts. IDK something. Invitation to ramble.

Bbh is overall one of the most sympathetic towards Phil, even when almost everyone else loses trust in him

Bbh is a very nice person so he doesn't want to just... leave Phil alone

But he loves the eggs. More than anything, in fact. So, when everyone is believing that Phil is the reason Tallulah lost her first life, he's a bit iffy

But he's still very nice and does go to help Phil if he thinks he needs it. Like when Wilbur came back and wanted to kill him for letting Quackity have Tallulah

Bbh does also have a crush on Forever which causes a few issues sometimes. It's incredibly one-sided and Forever doesn't even notice but it's a thing

Phil finds out about this at the Cellbit/Roier wedding, where Bbh confesses to Phil that he's jealous because Forever just proposed to Phil. Phil does not take too kindly to this and he isn't very fond of Bbh after this

obviously bbh doesn't know what is actually going on between Phil and Forever but that doesn't mean Phil is any happier about what he said. He has more than a few bitter moments where he wishes Bbh was in his place

Bbh is one of the few people Forever actually lets Phil hang out with tho so he cant be too mad at him or he'll lose one of his last threads of hope

Forever actually trusts Bbh a lot and Phil sees him very often. Forever and Bbh both want the eggs safe more than anything and most of their time together is spent talking about the eggs and ways to better protect them. They built NINHO together after Bobby's near-death experience (he doesnt die in FML) and both have stasis chambers for all the eggs in their houses in case NINHO somehow fails.

Bbh will tell Phil how Chayanne and Tallulah are doing as well. With Phil essentially out of the picture and Missa and Wil being so busy, Bbh ends up taking care of them a lot and Phil always likes to know how his kids are doing without him

I think my favourite thing that Bbh does in the AU is bear witness to Cellbit's mental breakdown when he realises that his best friend is a violent maniac and he can't stop it

Bbh just has to sit there and watch Cellbit yell and scream and cry about something he can't talk about. But

"If i told someone itd all be fixed!!"

"then tell me...?"

"NO."

Bbh is pretty much just a witness to the chaos that is unfolding. He's also very bitter and jealous that Forever is the president. More than he is in canon. Everyday he wakes up and thinks "god i wish forever didnt win the election i hate him and his stupid wife (phil)"

He's very chill tho he doesn't have anything against Phil like Fit or Wilbur do and when Phil does get helped, he is one of the most helpful and caring people.

#qsmp #qsmp philza #qsmp badboyhalo #qsmp bbh #forever my love au #philever #forphil #qsmp au

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crystalis · 1 month

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i hope ur feeling better. ik its hard that we live in such a shitty society and ik exactly how u feel. ive also never landed a job, cant drive, and barely have any kind of life experience at the old age of 25. please dont value urself based on what you can or cant provide for the shitty capitalist system, u are so much more than that. i may not know u personally but weve been mutuals forever and uve always remained such a sweet, empathetic person with an interesting character and i just have so many hopes for u. it doesnt matter if ur behind in life compared to your peers, its unrealistic to expect everyone to fit into a restrictive mold. i could go on and on about this but my point is: dont allow someone to dehumanize or lessen ur worth because of conditions out of ur control. u dont deserve that, no one deserves that. if u need resources on how to help urself id be more than happy to help, but i also dont want to intrude too much. and i hope to god tumblr doesnt cut off this ask i have no idea how many characters are allowed

thank you that means a lot.. its validating being reminded im not alone, i think part of what makes it so painful is the feeling that i am failing uniquely. or that im the only person in this sort of situation

it feels dificult to get out of the trap of self-sabotage. it's like any time i make some sort of progress, like leaving the house more (last year i was going on walks a lot, and me and my mom were going to the park every once in a while), i eventuallt take 2 steps back and i ended up pushing people in my life away and making myself more isolated

i know that things would be easier if i had close friends my age that could help guide me, but it's like i unconsciously respond to that by making myself friendless/guide-less.. i dont know how to articulate this very well.. it feels increasingly more difficult to climb out of a hole the deeper that you are, and it's like there's part of you that just wants to dig deeper until theres no escape

i hvae really intense social anxiety and a fear of humiliation and i get very overwhelmed by it when im alone in public spaces or when i think about getting a job. i know its very exacerbated by the fear of the unknown since ive never done interviews or had a job before, i never even had a 'first time' experience and it makes it so much worse for someone with intense social anxiety

and theres also that feeling that i am intruding in someone elses spaces / lives or their friend-groups.. i always think—what if my coworkers dont like me or think im awkward? or what if i make things more difficult for them because i mess things up, or what if im a bad worker and people talk about me. and it gets harder the older i get.. how can i explain how clueless/backwards i am at 26 years old, it's not like im a 16 year old that people expect to not know what theyre doing, you know

#im just rambling im sorry #i am sending telepathic love to you thank you and i hope you also know that you arent alone

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co27 · 2 months

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9 people you'd like to know better

tagged by: @funshinebf woah!! hey!! hi!! :3

a) three ships:

DELLUMBRA. my beloveds forever and ever and ever. an animator put della and penumbra holding hands in the chibi valentines day thing and its the only thing that matters for the rest of time. seeing them never fails to make me the happy smiler

spova... HRHGHGHHGHGHHHHH (STARTS CLAWING AT THE WALLS) im getting a bunch of my irls to watch the show with me and like how do i explain why sparx catching nova in circus of ooze makes me actually start howling in pain. the slow burn... the trust... the botched confessions the loss the self blame. oh god its all just so fucking painful forever ill never be over them

tomshiv :) theyre the perfect eternal punishment for each other and i love seeing them make each other suffer. the dirty talk scene in season 3 permanently altered my brain chemistry and tom wambsgans mr brightside is the greatest video of our generation

a1: bonus ships:

SERIREI :) save me serirei... serirei save me... such a classic i love those crazy businessmen. 2018 serirei was literally the perfect era like you had to be there

joongdok. thousand yard stare. ive been coming around to yoohankim lately too but i feel like a lot of content doesnt really capture what i like about orv so i dont look at or like a lot of the shippy content in the first place

gibotto

also gibson/sparx

b) first ever ship:

...... :( it was grey/juvia from fairy tail. yandere x tsundere was like elite to me. if i close my eyes and pretend im in a universe where fairy tail is good i can honestly see the vision. the first one that made me really crazy crazy about shipping though was germany and italy from hetalia unfortunately. sorry. and sometimes i fear i may never escape the annoyingly optimistic x grump who secretly likes it trope and its all their fucking fault

c) last song:

hello, i love you by adore delano. SHE JUST GETS ME

d) last movie:

uuhhhh fuck i watch a lot of movies absolutely baked with my friends so its hard to remember. i think everything everywhere all at once :) i sincerely believe it is one of the best movies ever made. STEPHANIE HSU WAS ROBBED AT THE OSCARS

e) currently reading:

cirice by madeline miller, i havent picked it up in months tho... and i keep telling myself im going to start one piece and dungeon meshi but i havent yet #laziness

f) currently watching:

sooo many things but im currently keeping up with season 16 of drag race with my friend. besides that primarily trigun stampede and hannibal because im watching those with my friends. and i count srmthfg again. but also dungeon meshi is on the backburner too. and a million other things like the boys and interview with the vampire... GOD THERES TOO MANY SHOWS GUYS

g) currently consuming:

idk waht this means. if its about eating then i have a big tub of cocktail peanuts that im munching on right now

h) currently craving:

DAVES HOT CHICKEN. SAVE ME DAVES HOT CHICKEN

9 people to tag:

um uh um uhhh @godza @morguerue @irradiatedsnakes @faglagomorph @treecakes @itaots @soulreaper @puppetlooselystrung @vampirewings and also anyone else who wants to talk about themselves yay!!! i hope its okay i tagged you heart emoji <3

easily copyable version under the cut for joy and prosperity yay

9 people you'd like to know better

tagged by:

a) three ships:

a1: bonus ships:

b) first ever ship:

c) last song:

d) last movie:

e) currently reading:

f) currently watching:

g) currently consuming:

h) currently craving:

9 people to tag:

#he is typing #tag games #tagged in #HI. HELLO MUTUALS. IM NOT NERVOUS TAGGING PEOPLE AT ALL AND I BEHAVE NORMALLY

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mushtoons · 2 years

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I'm not a coward so I'm asking you my question,,, what's the 'immortal besties au' about?

I just saw some art of it and I haven't scrolled long enough soo

have a seat and buckle up it's a mess <3

DFGDFDFGD okay so!!! i wanna start off with dont think too hard about it else ur brain will start to hurt (speaking from experience lmaoo) ANYWAYS!!! it's basically ingo gets sent to hisui but when ingo asks arceus to be sent home, arceus is like "dang bro sorry i didnt bring you here so it's not my problem but ya know what i actually need someone to babysit this fucker i damned, so you can just babysit him for all eternity! fair? :)" then doesnt wait for his answer

so we got ingo and volo stuck with each other, like it or not, there's rough patches, arceus didnt even bother to help ingo with him amnesia so he's still cloudy on parts of his past life and you know how it is to be around someone for too long, anger fighting ect but dont worry they begrudgingly come to an understanding and are now just vibing until time itself ends :)

well they're in modern day now, it's volo's turn to pick how they live their pretend mortal lives, so he picks unova to chill at cuz he's heard it's advanced since the last time they visited, ingo finally gets to have some memories as a treat as he catches sight of his old self and emmet, volo even convinces him to battle them so they can semi formally meet emmet and they carry on with this life, well volo's turn ends and ingo takes them somewhere else for his turn

cut to a few years later the duo is back in unova ( cuz it's volo's turn again ) when volo catches wind that one of the subway bosses had gone missing and the search was finally called off due to lack of leads after 2 long years, volo feels bad, just because god labled him a bad egg doesnt mean he is, he just wanted to reset the world to make it better :( so since it was maybe, kinda, totally his fault ingo got yeeted he decided he could fuck arceus over, i mean what's he gonna do? kill him? that's be a blessing. damn him to live forever? kinda already did that bestie,,,

so he gets emmet and elesa to come to his hotel room tries to find a way to tell them that he knows where their ingo is without making himself look crazy,,,,ends up looking crazy cuz his ingo just HAD to have a newpaper clipping of the trio claiming it to be "as close as a family photo as he'll ever have" emmet clocks him while elesa tries to call the cops cuz this nutcase is totally a stalker freak--then ingo comes home. skipping over the meltdown everyone has, and straight into project eeby-deeby rescue. we got angst, bonding, and finally a happy reunion.

meanwhile we got the emmet from when ingo first got put in hisui with no closure, no brother, and for some reason he's?? not?? aging?? so yeaahhh he's convinced he's in hell mostly when any pokemon he goes to for help basically tells him "sorry broski under strict rules from the big man himself not to help u with jackshit" so he's not doing so hot :) ( well until ingo and volo finally catch up to the era he's in then he's not doing so hot but with his brother now! )

that's a WHOLE lot but ive been thinking about this like all the time and im still working stuff out!!!! fgdfdgdfg this au is my baby and i love it

(for people who dont wanna read all that bullshit here's a diagram i made in case i dont make any sense!! )

#whoops thats a shit ton #sorry #but i really like this au dfgddfgd #and i like talking about it gddfgfg #thank u for being brave/lh #lmaoo #immortal besties au #submas #emmet #volo #ingo #wood wide web

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skunkes · 10 months

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wrt last reblog I also saw something recently that resonated with me, adjacent to it.

OP of the video im talking about explained that making friends is hard as an adult, but what if you finally make a friend and after a few hangouts you realize you dont actually like them? She goes on to say that she doesn't want to be friends with people she only Kind Of likes, because she had to do that all through her teenage years (likely at school).

But meeting people you instantly click with and have foundations for a real friendship is rare, so what are you supposed to do? Friend-break-up with someone? That's just rude. But having to maintain friendship with someone you only sort of like is also exhausting...

I made a new, quickly very close friend recently and was talking about dis to them, I talked about how I struggle making friends but after seeing some people's online circles I'm okay with that. Because I don't know how people juggle having so many acquaintances/Not Actual Friends. I could never do that. I want my time to go to myself and others I love and not having to either find excuses for plans I don't actually want to partake in or feel like I have to hang out with acquaintances for "maintenance" or to "reset the required hangout timer."

Hoping that doesnt sound Evil...having to do that with acquaintances is just one of those Life things, its normal but I'd prefer not have to do it more than I have to...ykwim

And how do you tell someone "um well its not that i dont like you but I cant imagine our friendship ever deepening to a point where im super comfortable with you and actively want to spend lots of time with you sooo bye!"

Not every friendship needs to be like that btw, acquaintances are important but one would rather just have more time to spend with the people they DO connect with better.

Also acquaintance doesn't automatically mean bad! I have acquaintances that I enjoy talking to and hanging out with even though we wont ever be Besties, I guess this post was more focused on acquaintances where the feeling is more like. They like you way way way more than you like them...

Idk. Last post reminded me of that. Its hard to make friends and I also dont seek it out because Id rather not have to also forever juggle a sea of pushy acquaintances while searching for the deep connections (which I'm so lucky to have found more often, by chance. Guess I just have to keep waiting around to get lucky.)

Meeting people you can actually connect with DOES take so much energy and time. And its hard to just stop contacting the people you dont click with along the way sometimes. So much energy to maintain the same level of effort and emotional investment across multiple different relationships when I'd rather just be deepening bonds with the people I do have/finding more of those Exact Same Bonds. Idk!

Weird type of lonely. I dont want to be friends with people I only sort of like...

#talkys #long post #i hope this made sense

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cakejerry · 3 months

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asks pt.2 more recent ones

ft fanfiction anon, minho is ugly, thank you minjoon people for the links and fic recs!!! and the anon with the random jikook takes

ive been debating answering this one, like... yeah, obviously. but no jimin hate is allowed on this blog so youre getting blocked

idk, ive also been thinking about posting this but... i don't have any thoughts. except that this just proves how close they are, in any sense. and yes that was literally a joke we don't actually think their parents were involved, cmon. 'meds exist' cmon. 'suicide everyday' yeah you're a troll never message me again, goodbye.

this is why i can never take any of those charts seriously, they all say something different and everybody's #1 somewhere. its literally all imaginary and extremely unimportant. and instead of frauding jimin, which would have gotten him nothing but hate, i wish instead they'd left jungkook alone so we could see who ACTUALLY has what it takes

i have literally never understood the hype around jungkook. but maybe thats because he only started glowing up around 2019, which is when most of these taekookers came to the fandom, lol. but your last sentence was funny, 10/10

jimin should have always been the center of that triangle. vmin vs jikook i would like to see it. the classic main drama lead thats semi toxic and interesting and the second lead who's the best friend and the better option but jimin chooses jungkook anyways lol

minjoon under the stars ahhh jimin is such a sweet little glazed donut that needs to be handled with utmost care

blocked. also that's because namjoon has the charisma of a tree. but jimin could have chemistry with a brick wall so suck it. minjoon forever

cute little fanfiction moment but i dont think it holds any water in real life terms, or means anything, honestly. but thank you for the links

here come the fanfiction writers. also that's the finger heart emoji for the curious minds my laptop is prehistoric. anyways. im not gonna grace this with any further comment.

sure

this is making me ctfu because its just a clip of jungkook dancing to 3d but anon is sooo disgusted ahahhahaha. bts were different??? different from what :joy emoji:. also, if you see this, elaborate on your last sentence please.

i literally dgaf he is so ugly and his bug eyes weird me out and im convinced kpop fans have a mass gaslight thing going on trying to convince me he's attractive. 2. jonghyun wouldnt work with jimin for several reasons i just brought him up because whenever im thinking about 'men in the industry who aren't shit' he's the only one who comes up. 3. love that you just fully spiraled into waxing poetic about jimins ass there. understandble.

sure

well yeah but specifically the tweets i was posting are so... racially motivated. whitewashed jimin=white=good=pure=innocence=bottom and top jungkook=rough=tough=raw=dirty=dark skin. like it was just so weird to me.

umm sure, whatever you say anon. im gonna forget all of what you told me now because i genuinely do not want to know.

yup this is the general consensus in cakejerryland

thank you for this rec actually!!!!!!!!! it looks scrumptious and WILL be posting my thoughts upon finishing!!!

thank you random citizen!!! omg idk if you knew i have a hyung kink or not but this is sooo not that. laugh emoji laugh emoji jimin is soooo cute he's a kiddo playing around!!! babyy

i respect the grind. i do not, however, respect him.

okayy anndddd... what do you want me to do about this?

yes he wants to be perceived as such. we agreed upon this when seven dropped. and idc and it doesnt matter to me because i dont expect any of bts to come out so they will all forever be ambiguously straight and theres no point to discussing it further

fanservice is in the job description. but you said it yourself. 'natural' dynamic. they're simply the closest and we can't deny this

umm sure. i didn't see anything special in those clips at all lol i was not gagged. they were just looking at each other and they do that every single time they're in public or on camera or on stage together

lol hawaii was ... a time. they were also "doing laundry," don't forget.

#asks #anon #hey i forgot to add one about vmin and taennie but im on my phone ill add it tomorrow okay?

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junbugswritings · 1 year

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havent posted in forever but have some more PDH / MS rewrite stuff

(i forgot what exactly i added in my first post mentioning it and so im just mentioning stuff as i go and hoping i hadn't repeated any lmao)

aphmau and aaron DO get together for a brief time in college, but decide they're better off as friends and break it off

ein's whole 'trying to become alpha' thing was mainly bc he had a huge crush he refused to admit on aaron and having been bullied so many years as omega, thought it was the worst thing ever when someone as strong as the Ultima of all people became an omega and not the alpha (this could change bc idk if i'll even keep the alpha/beta/omega dynamic...especially in high school of all things)

speaking of ein, i hc that he doesnt have a good relationship w/ zack at all, so he took on his mother's last name instead, so that's why it doesn't really click that he and aphmau are related for the longest time since aphmau had her mother's last name and ein has his own mother's

KC actually chose her own name, with Nana meaning 'beautiful bloom'. The fact it could also mean 'seven' was entirely coincidental.

all of gene's tattoos that he has (but is casually hiding from his mother) were drawn and colored by zenix. sasha suggested a few of them, but never actually helped with the process

garroth, after he and aphmau's first (platonic) kiss, thought it was rather underwhelming and not at all what laurance's romance stories said it'd be like.

zenix loves strawberries. sasha HATES them. they have a very dramatic 'hatred' of each other because sasha keeps trying to get rid of boxes of literal strawberries and zenix just keeps ordering more. gene just wonders when his house became the place for the two to be doing that

instead of that whole angel w healing powers arc, it took her forever to decide, having first started off as wanting to be an artist, but by the last two years of highschool she had decided to become a doctor instead in order to help people

dante is the one who usually cuts travis' hair. they started doing that in high school and just kept it going as a tradition ever since. it doesnt do much because travis likes keeping his hair long-ish, but it gives them time to hang out at least!

katelyn got involved in fighting at a very young age. mostly defending her brothers, who were too weak to defend themselvs. after her mother left, it just became a way to cope, because punching stuff help get rid of the excess emotions. her father only assumed she was copying him and nurtured that response. took lots of talking with aphmau and KC when they were roommates to get her to explore other ways to cope rather than, you know, punching people (*cough* travis)

zane has a bunch of pet snakes he managed to smuggle into the house. his (dont tell the others!) favorite is a peppermint corn snake named Minthe

when vylad was younger, you couldn't look away from him for even a SECOND before he would have been on top of cabinets or counters. he thrived on climbing and causing you as many problems as possible. zane secretly helped him cause said problems by helping him onto places he couldnt otherwise reach when nobody was looking

#phoenix drop high #mystreet #mystreet rewrite #aphmau solano #garroth ro'meave #ein sikong #gene fanara #nana ashida #kawaii chan #idk which of those to use so for good measure...both.#aaron lycan #sasha holmes #zenix underwood #sasha aphmau #zenix aphmau #hopefully i'm tagging everything right lmao #any thoughts ARE welcome #whether from askbox or just the comments

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autisticbokutoenthusiast · 7 months

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halfway point only friends character rankings

(i am bad at rank so i tiered them, also i don't dislike any character this is more a scale of how many hours i lay awake thinking of them)

tier one: ray

ray: I think anyone looking at my only friends posts can immediately guess who my favourite character is and why. ray is THE character for me, i knew in the first episode before the title sequence that he'd make me extremely unwell (his "being known as a burden who is either professing his love for anyone who cares to listen or begging people not to leave him in his drunken desperation" captivated me ok) . besides relating to parts of his characters and story, i am thoroughly invested in this man and his emotions. like will he fall victim to the cycle he's already convinced he's doomed by? will he find a way out? will he continue living as self-fulfilling prophecy purely out of spite for himself and everyone around him? will he get better? can he get better? will he ever want to????????? i think i always had the potential like ray as a character but i also think the actor plays him in a way that has altered my brain forever (like i am not good at reading faces but the look on ray's face sometime feels like im looking into his thoughts, its thrilling) deciding to play ray as layered and complex and oosing with pain no matter the circumstance was a choice that made the character for me, and i also think it takes a lot of skill to have an asshole insult everyone close to him and ruin relationships he has no buissness ruining for most of his screentime and have the audience come away with "wow that guy is absoultey dripping in pain, i feel so much for him"

tier two: nick, boston, mew

nick: i love nick so much, maybe its my thing for pathetic little guys but something about him makes me scream throw shit whenever i see him. i'm obssessed with all the crime he commits, because he's such a cutie about it. like watching him get all sad listening to the topboston tape fully sympathizing with him and his little sad face to the point i forget he only has the tape cause he WIRETAPPED BOSTONS CAR. just excellant character, i hope his crimes being revealed leads to him looking more pathetic and then becoming 5x more evil but 10x more cute about it (i also am desperate to know what comes of him chasing after a man who has made it clear so many times he doesn't want him only for nick to fall harder like what is up with that)

boston: boston has always been a favourite character of mine because he may not be a good friend and he may not be a good person but one thing he will NEVER not be is entertaining. like if he is on screen your ass will be tuned IN, and for that reason i love him. what i want to see from boston in the rest of the series? i think he is an interesting case of how far is to far when it comes to friends doing you dirty, and im interested to see what the lasting impact to his relationships are and then the impact to how he views relationships in general. i think it'd be nice if there were consequences that made him reavaluate the way he treats other people, but i also find it absolutely necessary for him to retain his sluttiness. like it doesnt hurt anyone else, and i think he genuienly enjoys it, so i hope he keeps it along with his love for photogrphy (would love to see him get more into getting consent of people before he records them and spreads that around tho) stay messy my king 🫡

mew: mew was my designated little guy after watching the first episode but kinda got lost in all my love for sandray. i will say he shot back up towards the top after seeing this one post (i cannot find it now its lost under the thousands that have been posted since) about mew, control, and bdsm (and all the new meta that has come out since too tbh). also realizing around epsiode 4 we knew absoultey nothing about him as a person had me watching everything he did like there would be little clues left. i think its safe to say after episode 6 that the relationhip between sex and control will continue to be interesting as well as WHATEVER THE FUCK HAPPENS TO MAKE HIM ACT UP LIKE THAT IN THE BATHTUB anyway... i am here for his villain?? era

tier 3: top, sand, cheum

(again i tiered them cause im not good at straight ranking and this doesn't mean i like them any less its just they make me personally a little less insane then the others do)

top: i think he needs to be topped by mew and that it has the potential fix him, i've thought about this a lot (A LOT) and thats all i have to say.

sand: i am still kinda obsessed with him, like don't get me wrong. i like the way he mirrors the other characters while still maintaining traits that are specific to him. the fact that he has his heart broken by the belief that ray didn't truly care about him and only saw him as a distraction, distinced himself from ray, took insults and physical attacks from ray, and STILL chased after him because he knew ray was in an unsafe headspace speaks to how strong this guy is, cause you saw everyone else in that bar abondon ray to whatever self-destructive thing he decided to do next but not sand, never sand. anyway maybe its because i relate to ray so much that whenever i see sand on screen or think about him my mind gets overtaken by hearteyes (this is my way of saying i don't have many coherent thoughts about sand in my brain theres just 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰) anyway i can't wait to see how he develops, if we meet the sandtop mutual ex and what chaos that brings, and whatever the fuck happens with the sandray codependency dynamic and i am dying to know if he does indeed have something in his past related to driving under the influence and what it is about ray specifically that made mr "i can seperate love and sex" into the character we see now

cheum: my girl isn't in the show as often but whenever shes on screen with april i have to smile. anyway i wonder if we'll get an explaination as to why shes always presurring the rest of the friendgroup into monogamous relationships or if thats just who she is (i do think her lying to april about how she feels in order to keep them together at all costs was an interesting detail in all this, like is she scared of what it means to be single/alone, does she feel intense pressure to be in a certain type of relationship, etc)

anways this is inspired by @thatgirl4815 and my autocorrect broke so sorry if this makes now sense

#only friends the series #only friends meta #this took me so long cause i was trying so hard to have thoughts about these characters but i love them too much #my brain turns to vaccuum noise and flashing lights

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rattlingheart · 4 months

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i finally decided to sit down and write out how i've been feeling.

Am I selfish? Am I jealous? Am I a bad person to the people I care about? Are they bad to me? I don’t understand why it’s so wrong of me to have wants. All i want is someone for myself. I want someone who would do anything for me at any time. I want to be cared for, i want to be loved and i want to be wanted and needed. Why is that so bad? I want my own person. Everyone else has their own so why cant i have one too? Every time i try to explain it i end up looking like the bad guy. Maybe my actions arent great and maybe i feel things too strong but none of that would matter if i had someone who understood. Nobody ive ever talked to knows what im going through because everyone at one point or another has had their person. They dont know what its like to think you have someone and then lose them to someone else, over and over and over again. At this point it just feels hopeless and im starting to feel like an idiot for ever thinking it could happen. I know it sounds conceited to think im the only person to ever feel this way but thats just how it feels. I want to be wanted so bad it hurts. Every day i spend alone makes me feel worse and worse. I dont know how much i can take. I want someone i can call and theyll answer right away, happy to hear me and ill be happy to hear them. I want to be able to have hours of conversation while also being comfortable with hours of silence. I want someone to think of me in a romantic way. To want to take me on dates and bring me flowers and show me how much they love me. I want to be so yearned for that it makes their stomach hurt. I want someone to be sad when they cant see me and angry when i talk to someone else. I want someone to put my picture in their wallet, or put a photo of us on their lockscreen. To be the first thing on someones mind when they wake up and the last thing before they fall asleep. In my eighteen years of life ive never come close. People say everyone has their time and everyone has their person, and i want to believe that so bad. I wish i could trick myself into being okay by myself and to just accept that my time wil come and that someone will love me but i just cant. Do you know how pathetic that feels? To know you have the potential to love and be loved but to never feel it? To just be fooled over and over to the point of not knowing what it feels like to have a crush anymore, not knowing if they actually want to get to know me or if they just need enough of my interests to get into my bed. I would love for someone to want to know me.

I want someone to know everything about me oh my god. I want to tell them everything about me and they tell me everything about them. I want to know someones deepest secrets and for them to know mine. I want to not be judged for the way i act, think, and feel. I promise i wont judge you if you dont judge me. I just cant understand why this is too much to ask. I want someone to meet my parents and my friends. I want to be a part of someone else's family and theyre a part of mine. I want to be thought of when holidays come around, and for them to know my birthday. I want them to ask if im coming over for dinner or if youre coming to mine. I want to be seen as a pair, if one of us is there then so is the other. It doesnt have to last forever, im not asking for a marriage partner, just a taste. I just want to dip my toes into the pool of love, i dont have to swim in it. Eventually i want to meet someone that just pulls me in with them and drowns me. I want to be smothered with love until it makes me sick. It would feel so much better than being alone. I cant even imagine how it would feel to be introduced as a girlfriend. For someone to show their family and friends my picture and to be excited about it. I hate begging for things but please. Its all ive ever wanted and yet its making me into a monster. I dont feel like myself anymore, i feel like a shell. It feels like my heart is just rattling around in my body making noise for someone to hear her. The butterfly in my stomach is dying, she hasn't fluttered in so long. I want her to be happy again, for me to just think of someone and she does somersaults around my stomach. I want to be nervous to go on a first date, maybe even a second or a third. I want to have a kiss at the end of the date like how it happens in the movies. I want someone to bring me home and want to see me again. I want to be a girlfriend, i cant wait until the day someone asks me. I think ill die right there in that moment. I want to say i love you. I want someone to say they love me every time they see me, every time they leave my presence and every time they enter it. I want people to know that im loved, and to know that i love the person loving me. I want to love someone so hard that just the thought of not having them in my life makes me sick. I want it to make me cry and i want them to comfort me and say it will never happen. I want them to lie to me. So that when the day eventually comes and they tell me they no longer love me I can have faith that ill find someone else to love me. I want to have a breakup that hurts me so bad i cant leave my bed and i stop talking to people for weeks. I want to lay in my bed and rot away just reminiscing over the way they loved me for so long. I want to know the feeling of having my heart ripped out of my chest and taken from me. I want to know the feeling of growing a new heart for someone else. And for that person to nurse me back to health, back to my original self. I know its strange to want heart break but as someone whos never experienced it, i want to know what its like. I want to experience every aspect of a relationship. I want to fight and argue. I want to apologize and make amends because we both know it isnt worth it to be mad at each other. I want someone to tell me that theyre sorry, and that theyll never yell at me again. I want someone to run their fingers through my hair as i lay my head in their lap. I want someone to hold me, hold my hand, hold my body, hold my heart. I want to put my legs on someones lap and for them to rub my legs just to know theyre there. I want to have someone to grab in a crowded room, to hold my hand so i dont get lost.

I want someone on the same level as me and i pray they never leave me behind. I just want to be loved and cared for the same as everyone else in my life. I want to feel like an equal to the people around me and not like an alien. Ive spent years building myself up for other people to notice me. Ive been noticed, but no one has cared enough to stay. It makes me feel so awful. Ive learned to keep things to myself, to not overshare. I try to go after what i want but it always ends badly, i always end up looking desperate. People use desperate in a bad way but i cant help but think, is that not what i am? I am desperate. I am so unbelievably desperate for someone to want me. I cant sit with my own thoughts or it starts to make me physically and mentally ill. I need someone to share them with. I need someone to talk to. I need somebody to be there for me. I need my own person. Someone i dont have to share and someone who will always be there when i need them. Someone who will know i need them before i even realize it. I think if i had someone to pour my thoughts onto and pour all of the love inside of me, id be doing a lot better. Im just scared that what if i find my person but they dont want me in my current state? What if im too much to handle and too much to take care of. I guess theyre not my person then. When i finally do find my person, someone just for me, they will love me for who i am, what i am, and they will see the good in me. Is that too much to ask?

#love #long reads #relationship #vent

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ttrpgsmoved · 6 months

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LETS GO ANOTHER BUNCH OF ASKS FOR KAIUS - 💥 COLLISON, 🍧 SHAVED ICE, 💐 BOUQUET, 🕷️ SPIDER, ✂️ SCISSORS, and 🌠 SHOOTING STAR. So sorry for the amount, but I like him so much 😭, hope your day gets better <3

oc emoji ask game!

💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?

answered here!

🍧 SHAVED ICE - do they still have any objects from their childhood? what significance does it have to them? what would their reaction be if they lost it?

answered here!

💐 BOUQUET - create a bouqet for them! what do those flowers mean? are any of the flowers their particular favourite?

OHHH. okay. sunflowers, roses, hibiscuses, snowsylva, lily of the valley. the last one is his favourite!!! i dont know flower meanings. i just think their look and stuff really fits him ^^

🕷️ SPIDER - what is their biggest fear? do they have any irrational / mundane fears?

answered here!

✂️ SCISSORS - what is the "last straw" for them to cut someone out of their life? how easily do they let go of people?

it doesnt really let people go easily. he's loyal to a fault. but i guess his last straw being, hubris. people wanting more and more and more and it never being enough. it's so tiring to him, these people are never happy and he just does not have the strength to keep feeding these people. he knows when it comes down to him vs their ambitions. he will always lose. so rather take the loss years down the line, might as well do it now

🌠 SHOOTING STAR - if they could make any wish with no repercussions, what wish would they make?

OH MAN HONESTLY? after the end of everything? karlach's heart to be returned. her speech after killing gortash got to it BADLY. and the words 'you got a wish spell in your pack' will forever haunt him. knowing that no matter what they both did her fate was inevitable. in his playthrough, she's a mind flayer (so i guess her not being a mind flayer would be included in said wish). but he knows that once turned you're never really the same. it knows she's Not the Actual karlach... he went through it once with his late husband already. the fact that it's going through it again with karlach... one of his biggest regrets

the other being running away from home because of the crimes he had committed against the cowled wizards. honestly? it led to it leading a better life tbh. he would be miserable still stuck in athkatla. BUT he knows how much he hurt his parents. and he would do anything to take it back.

so yea. one of the two. depending on the mood. but sometimes he realises that if he wishes for the last one, he loses all he has now... so, maybe not. it's bittersweet

#ask #ask game

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