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goddevouringserpent · 1 year

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c'mon girlies (gender neutral) time for the SLOW YET STEADY CORRUPTION ARC, the DISCOVERY OF THE MOST FUCKED UP PARTS OF OUR SELF WHICH WE EMBRACE LIKE THEY'RE WORTH NURTURING BECAUSE WE ARE TOO AFRAID OF THE ALTERNATIVE, the ULTIMATE SACRIFICE OF OUR MORALITY FOR THE SAKE OF LOVE OR SOMETHING THAT BURNS LIKE ONLY LOVE COULD, TH

anyway, this is Angel, or yuor devil 😈, my MC for @homecomingvn ! definitely gonna be romancing Henry; still not sure if he's also going to be my MC for Lyra or if I'll make a different one for her, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it

more info about Angel below the cut because I cannot shut up ever. it's my curse and I bear it with dignity.

if you ever try to call Angel out on anything, her go-to reply will be "aw, do you really think I would do that, can't you see I'm an angel?" & a face that's a weird mixture of 😏 and 🥺. don't ask how he pulls that one off, it's a secret between him and god and neither of them's telling (when the Nonbinary hit, she briefly considered changing her name for something that sparked more gender joy, but ultimately decided against it because commitment to the bit is her #1 priority.)

I put 'chemistry' as one of the things he likes, but really she's super into anything science-related, chemistry is just her passion. one of the STEM bitches, basically. maybe a bit light on the TE part, but he would still read a 700-page book about, I don't know, How To Build Some Big Shit Like A Bridge Or Aqueduct and enjoy every bit of it. which doesn't necessarily mean he'd understand every bit of it, mind you, but it's all about the energy I guess

related to the above: WILL infodump about her interests if given the chance. WILL NOT stop unless directly and firmly told to. if you want him to shut up but are too polite to do anything about it? good fucking luck. Angel can keep going for hours and that is a promise.

hates the nickname 'Angie' and will never respond to it. will accept 'Annie' from friends, but really they tend to prefer more personalized nicknames—like Henry's 'Buttercup'—or just plain ol' Angel

extremely ride-or-die. if she considers you one of 'her people' there's next to nothing you could do to make her change her mind or give up on you. (though, to be honest, he probably IS going to be very confused as to how he managed to befriend not one Fucked Up Weirdo but two. didn’t even know there were two Fucked Up Weirdos in town! gotta be something in the water.)

I don't know what his job is going to be yet, but I do know he's already had like 15 jobs minimum; all because she's very thorough about "following your dreams" and it just so happens that her dreams generally last around 10-20 business days before he moves on to another dream. Angel, stop hoarding jobs, you fucking maniac. you're gonna destroy the economy. and yes that's sexy conceptually but you gotta be more careful about it bro (gender neutral)

tends to play wizards in D&D/any TTRPG. she likes the complexity and versatility.

speaking of, it's time for the most nightmarish scary fact about Angel, VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED READER BEWARE: she thinks THAC0 makes perfect sense and is intuitive & easy to understand. if you just felt a cold chill run down your spine, it's okay, I did too 😔 (in this house we tolerate AD&D in a "respect your elders" kinda way, but fuck THAC0 what was up with that shit)

Notes:

I don't actually know if school newspapers are a thing or I got tricked by media from the USA and also my ex-girlfriend; it's just that the concept of being some sort of unhinged investigative journalist at the tender age of 14something+ was too fitting for Angel and I had to take the risk of looking like a clown.

the Picrew used is Black Centered Picrew <3 by naylissah. I'd link it but I've been led to believe that This Website makes it so that you can't put external links or the post won't show up in tags/mentions, so uh. it's on the first page of Picrew, if you can't find it send me a DM or something??

#Maia speaks #OC: Angel Maldonado #I came up with this bitch in RECORD TIME. speedran the character creation process #the brainworms hit me hard with this so I guess it's hyperfixation time #3 in the fuckin morning over here and I have to wake up early to get my booster tomorrow #I am the smartest person alive. I make the least ill-advised decisions in the world. everyone admires my huge brain

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aro-culture-is · 3 years

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Advice please: Okay this is kind of not aro related but is at the same time. My buddy is biromantic demibisexual. A while back I asked on tumblr any suggestions to abbreviate since she wanted to. I just got an anon ask related to it. Anon said my friend has internalized homophobia b/c she "can f*** a girl but not fall in love with her." I am livid. I am trying to create a response to this to explain that, no, this isn't internalized biphobia. I think this could be similar to aphobia. Yknow, ppl that say you cant be aroallo or alloace, that your attractions have to line up. Do you think that is a solid connection? That I can reference in my response?

[empty paragraph in case tumblr eats it]

* heteroromantic demibisexual, as corrected in a PM

so, I’m going to be totally honest. I think there’s a few ways I would handle this, and I suspect they don’t line up very well with what your instinct seems to be here. after being on tumblr for the last 8 years, I can tell you right now that this anon ask was sent by a terf(/whatever term they think makes them somehow better) who has no interest in listening to anything you say. they want you to be mad. they want you to be upset. they don’t care about your opinion - they want to hurt your feelings and make it scary for others to talk about that.

and in that case, that bad faith ask? the best option I’ve ever learned to use is to never ever respond to them directly. in fact, I’ve learned through this blog to be careful. To hold my temper, wait perhaps a week - then, if I think it’s something where someone who follows me needs to hear it (never the anon), I’ll write a post separate of the ask. I won’t say their points for them, or let them use me to broadcast them.

if you still feel like responding, in your case, as it is specifically about a friend, I’d suggest talking to her about if she even wants you to respond. personally, if someone wrote up a message to one of my friends like that, I wouldn’t want them to respond. I’d want them to block and delete the ask. I’d want, if they did anything, for them to passive-aggressively reblog positive things about my identities, but not community discussions so that they don’t go after others. If your friend feels differently, take their lead.

This ask isn’t about you. It’s about how much harm this bad faith asker can cause through you. Who they can force to see their words. Who they can make feel worse about themself, and who they can make afraid to talk about their identity. and, if they can force them back into the closet so that these bad faith anons feel better pretending the world works how they want it to work.

- mod kee

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kane-and-griffin · 7 years

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I'm really sad about something I don't understand and was hoping you could explain. Why do people block without giving a reason to? I don't why it first seems like it's all going so well then the next you're blocked and you don't know why or what you did or said wrong? It's happened twice now and to say it hurts is an understatement.

Oh, my precious Kabby babies. Circle up, it’s time for some firm butgentle life advice from Mom.

First of all, unless I personally am the person who blocked you (whichI’m obviously not since we’re having this conversation!), in a very real sensethe short answer to this question is that you know I can’t actually answer thisquestion. You’re asking me to tell youwhy a person I don’t know did a thing for which I have no context, and forwhich there could be a thousand reasons. So in a concrete, specific sense, my answer is: I do not know.

However.

(You knew there was going to be a however.)

Social media is a deeply personal avenue for self-expression and it’s also aworld where many of us spend a great deal of our time, which means that we havethe full and free right to customize it into exactly what we want it tobe. The things that you post are personal reflections of you, which is why it bums you out when someone mutes or blocks or doesn’t followback; it feels on some level like a personalrejection. But the space you curate is also a personal reflection of you. You have the rightto post anything you want and other people have the right to choose not to seeit. Both of those rights are equal, eventhough you’re only on one side so naturally the other one feels like it’s insome way “wrong.”

I’m speaking with zero context for what your preexisting relationship withthese people was beforehand (like obviously if it was a close friend and theyblocked you out of nowhere, you’re going to have to sort that out with themdirectly, I can’t advise you there), but it’s important to remember that theremay be no “right” and wrong” in this scenario. It’s fully possible forboth of these things to peacefully coexist at the same time:

1) your absolute right to feel a little bit rejected and hurt that astranger on the internet made the choice that they didn’t want your socialmedia sphere to overlap with their social media sphere,

and

2) that other person’s absolute right to say “if something or someone makesme feel even the tiniest bit ‘nope’ I am purging it out of this space so it isexactly what I want and need it to be.”

They don’t need to have a reason. That sucks, when you’re on the receiving end of it, which all of us have been - it truly and genuinely sucks - but it’s also reality. One of the hard truths that incidents like this make us sometimes have toface - and we don’t want to face these things, because they can feel reallyicky and vulnerable and ping all the little gremlins in our brain - is this:

nobody on the internet owes you their time or attention foranything you do or say.

This sounds mean and brutal, and I don’t mean it to be, because you know mom loves you, but it’s incrediblyimportant, so I’m going to say it again to make sure that if nothing else, thisgets through:

nobody on the internet owes you their time or attention foranything you do or say.

The celebs you stan don’t owe you a response to your tweet, justbecause you want one. The people you tag in meta don’t owe you rebloggingit to continue having that conversation with you forever, just because you wantto prove you’re right. The fans of the fic you write for your mostpopular ship don’t owe you crossing over to give you hits on yourrare-pair fic if they don’t feel like it. Nobody owes you a certainnumber of followers, nobody owes you a response to every anon you send them,nobody owes you finishing that fic you like in time for them to read it whenthey feel like reading it. We owe each other one thing and one thingonly: basic human decency. That’s it. Everything else is freelyoffered to the world, and freely taken by the people who want it. It’snot a transactional exchange. If you make art or write fic and you put itout there into the world, you’ve done a cool thing, and whether it gets tenhits or thousands it was still worth doing. There will be people whoaren’t interested, but if you get hung up on feeling rejected by that, it willparalyze you.

Social media is personal. That’s unavoidable. It’s an extension of ourselves. When someone is cruel to you or to one ofyour friends on the internet, even if it’s an anonymous stranger, it feelsshitty. When you express an opinionabout something and a ton of people reblog it and the tags are full of “OMG YESTHISSSSS”, it feels great. We all experiencethat in different ways. Society has always selected arbitrary measures for young girls and women tolive up to in order to feel like they’re popular or they’re approved by thecool kids, and right now it’s things like “how many followers do you have” and “didyou get an RT from a celebrity” and “how many likes on your posts”. So ona primal level, maybe having someone you thought was a friend block you on Twitter or Tumblr hits you in the same deep coreplace as having the cool kids not come to your birthday party. That feeling is super real! It brings upalllllll that deep stuff we try to hide and pretend that we’re aboveexperiencing, but we all have those squishy vulnerable inner selves that justneed the cool kids to like us and we feel bad when they don’t.

I had this exact conversation with my therapist a few weeks ago when she wasgiving me a hard time because my book has 60 reviews on Amazon, of which likethe majority are 5 stars with two negative ones, and I have both the negativeones like memorized. And she was like “CLAIRE. WHAT THE HELL. WHY DO YOU DO THIS? 58 POSITIVE AND YOU CANNOT QUOTE A SINGLEONE. TWO SHITTY ONES AND YOU KNOW THEMVERBATIM. THAT IS NOT HEALTHY BEHAVIOR.” And I was like “… . okay fine when youput it that way, yes I do sound like a crazy person.” So like my advice to you – advice which I havejust proven I am absolute garbage at taking myself, so like I may have justeroded my own credibility in my efforts to help – is to remember that you probablyhave a lot more than two followers so honestly this is probably not a badcollective ratio, and there may be lots of people who are very interested inwhat you have to say but you’ve focused a lot of your energy on these two people andit’s worth giving some thought as to why that is.

My question for you is this: what is the net negative impact of having thesetwo people block you on social media? Like in an actual, concrete way, separate from those sort of core gut “Ifeel unloved in this moment” feelings, what is the effect on your life? You might be surprised. It might be zero. In which case, let yourself feel thosefeelings, experience them as valid, and then breathe through them and move onand keep on doin’ you.

I’m pushing backon you a little bit here very gently because it feels, reading this anon, likeyou’ve made a determination of hurtful intent on the part of the person whoblocked you, or at the very least a certainty that this choice that made wasabout you and not about them. That the fact that things seemed to be going fine and then they blocked you means you were somehow intentionally misled or mistreated. Be really, really, really carefulabout deciding the cool girl didn’t come to your birthday party because she’s abitch who wanted to make you feel terrible and is sitting somewhere cackling atthe thought of your sad lil’ face waiting by the front door; maybe she didn’tcome to your birthday party because she has depression and it’s hard for her toleave the house sometimes and she knew your party would be loud and wild and crazyand too much for her brain to handle right now. Be careful about presuming negative intent with no proof it exists. The internet makes this so easy, the internetconditions us for this, and itconditions us to respond in kind. The worst thing you could do here is to, like,make a callout post or subtweet in the hopes that it will get back to them andthey’ll feel bad, or to sic your other followers onto them, because that turnsthis into a situation that really doeshave a right and wrong; and since you don’t know if they were trying to makeyou feel shitty, or just went on a big block/mute purge to whittle their listdown for mental health reasons that are totally their own, once things escalateyou can’t put the horse back in the barn. It’s too late. Now it’s A Thing,when maybe it never really needed to be A Thing. And in almost all situations for almost allpeople in almost all ways, Kabby Mom’s advice is going to be, “please thinkcarefully before you make this A Thing.”

This got long, I’ve been having a lot of thoughts lately about theconversations I’m always having with fandom folks the way we let social mediapermeate and shape our sense of self, in good ways and bad, so I apologize formy verbosity but also not really because that’s how things roll over in KabbyMom’s Advice Corner. But I will sum upin bullet points for those of you who have been skimming, to bring you up tospeed:

Everyone has the right to curate their own social media spacehowever they see fit, and they don’t have to explain their reasons.

They aren’t obligated to include you in that space even if you want themto.

None of that is an objective measure of your worth as a person or a signthat you should stop being you on the internet.

Your feelings of rejection come from a real place and you get to feelthem, as long as

You are striving to move through them without permitting them to paralyzeyou, and finally

You never use someone else’s choice to curate their social media sphere as ajustification for treating them like crap.

Focus on your positive interactions instead of negative ones – your friends,creating stuff and putting it out into the universe – whether it be art, fic,opinions, a podcast, gifsets, crackposts, whatever – and your social mediaworld will be a better place.

In the immortal words of the great Michael J. Fox, “What other people thinkof me is none of my business.”

#Anonymous #From the Inbox #kabby mom's advice corner #kabby mom gets anons #Social media #fandom #advice

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