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xsteriism · 4 years

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Too Good to be Bad

Chapter One: Trouble is Cooking

by celestial-irondad

1, 225 words

1/?

based on @funkylittlebidiot’s chat post about ironstrange

edit: click on the chapter title to read it on ao3!!!

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There are two sides to Dr Stephen Vincent Strange. On one hand, he can be holed up in the Sanctum Sanctorum for weeks on end, just reading book after book after book. He’ll have a bitter cup of tea, no sugar, right beside him as he reads in his rocking chair, with the polluted air of New York City penetrating into his living quarters.

On the other hand, sometimes all he wants to do is to bring chaos to the lovely New York City. He usually has a plan ready whenever these episodes happen, something to spice up the petty lives of the Avengers. For example, Stephen’s currently in the Avengers’ quinjet, tied up like some rope bunny, on his way to the Avengers’ Compound. It may not seem like it, but everything is falling into place. Stephen’s capture was planned, his trip to the Compound was planned. He’s going to destroy the Compound from the inside and these measly superheroes won’t even see it coming.

Of course, Stephen made it slightly difficult for the Avengers to capture him. He’s not a complete idiot. He fought with whoever was present for about an hour, only showing off the simple spells he had learnt. Nothing more was needed with these superheroes. He could have gone on, too, if it weren’t for the fact that he had a time schedule to keep.

The moment the Compound comes into view, Stephen is momentarily winded from the sheer beauty of it. The architecture is breathtaking and whoever designed it deserves a golden, gleaming medal. But before he can make a comment on it, he’s carried into the building by one very strong Captain America, who doesn’t seem to break a sweat.

‘Did I not gain weight?’ Stephen questions himself internally. ‘All I had been doing this past month was eat, sleep and shit. Surely, I had gained some weight?’

He doesn’t dwell much on it because he’s forced out of his thoughts when he’s unceremoniously dumped into a very hard wooden chair. He groans at the ache growing at his rear end, cursing at the existence of magic binding ropes. He sighs soon after, his mood quickly turning sour. This was supposed to be a fun little excursion, a break from being cooped up in the Sanctum Sanctorum for the past two months. Why did the Avengers have to ruin everything? What kind of sick joy did they obtain from this? All Stephen wanted, was a little explosion, a small firework celebration as the Compound burned.

“Is the interrogation part going to begin?” The sorcerer drawls, looking utterly disinterested, even yawning to prove his point. The Black Widow steps forward threateningly, with her knives gleaming in the light before she’s promptly stopped by Captain America.

The doctor smirks. Is it this easy to rile these heroes up?

The Black Widow stabs her knife into the armrest of Stephen’s wooden chair, looking dangerous. “Here’s how it’s going to go. We’re going to ask some questions and you’re going to answer them.”

Stephen raises his eyebrows and closes his eyes as he nods. These superheroes are cute if they think he’ll spill all his secrets just because they asked him to.

“What are the sorcerer’s plans?” Captain America asks arms crossed over his chest, trying to look more intimidating, obviously to no avail. Stephen just looks even more unimpressed, if possible.

“Oh, mine?” He asks back, looking around as if deep in thought. “Hmm… I don’t really know. I was planning to make myself a nice cup of tea after this, but I think that may have to be postponed.”

The Black Widow drags her knife along the length of the armrest. The doctor glances at the action, not bothered in the slightest. It would take much, much more to successfully instil fear into him. Her little tricks may work on the normal people she usually interrogates, but not Stephen. Really, is this the best she could do? Stephen is the Sorcerer Supreme and he feels slightly offended that the Black Widow thinks she can scare him by just using mere knives.

Please, he’s seen scarier in his dreams.

“What is the—” before Captain America can finish repeating the same question, the door to the interrogation room slides open. And the sorcerer finds himself out of breath for the second time that day.

Stephen is absolutely sure that the man who walked into the room is not of this world. He’s wearing the tightest black shirt that clings to his body in the most delicious of ways, complementing his muscles beautifully. His sweats are too loose for Stephen’s liking, but well, he can’t win everything, now can he? The man has an oil stain on his perfectly sculpted face, smudged right below his eye, right on his cheekbone, highlighting it. His lips are quirked into a stunning smile, his hair a lovely shade of brown. Stephen isn’t quite close enough to see the colour of his eyes, but he’s sure they are also as enchanting as the rest of him.

“Hey,” the ethereal man says, pausing at the sight of Stephen tied up. He pauses a little too long, eyeing the villain up and down, clearly liking what he sees. “Oh, hello to you, too. Anyway, stop by the lab if you want your suit patched up, Nat. I have some upgrades in mind, too.”

Oh, his voice. Such an angelic sound. The sorcerer thinks he can listen to it forever. Forget being cooped up in the Sanctum Sanctorum reading his ancient books, Stephen wants to be cooped up in this man’s room.

The doctor kicks Captain America in the shin, uncaring that he doesn’t get a dramatic reaction. “Wait, what? This is your boss?”

The man in red, white and blue frowns, unfolding his arms. “What? No? Tony’s not our—”

Right at this moment, a golden portal appears, blazing as Wong steps through it. The assistant falters at the sight of the people gathered, but quickly casts a spell that shields him from the rest and casually starts to untie Stephen. The Avengers are in a state of shock, but before they can move, Wong seizes the opportunity to momentarily paralyse them. Their faces are varying degrees of shock and fury when they realise what happened, but before they can shout, Stephen speaks.

“Why have we been wasting our time with these idiots,” Stephen cries, pointing to everyone in the room, besides his angel, “when this being has been roaming around the halls of this building? Oh, Vishanti! This has been a colossal waste of my time!”

Wong mumbles an incoherent reply, before speaking up. “So… I’m guessing we won’t be blowing the building up today?”

Stephen looks at Wong incredulously, rubbing his sore arms before using a little spell to knock the occupants in the room unconscious. He catches Tony right before he hits the ground, cradling the body close to his chest as if Tony was a delicate piece of china. The rest of the Avengers drop to the floor like sacks of potatoes, creating ‘thunking’ sounds that make Stephen smile.

“Of course not, Wong,” Stephen rolls his eyes, hoisting Tony into his arms, carrying him bridal style. “Let’s go back to the Sanctum. We’ll blow this place up another time. I have important things to do, now.”

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hello! i hope you enjoyed this little fic! maybe i’ll write a second part to this, who knows? anyway, please reblog if you liked it, give me some comments?

*this is my first time writing ironstrange and i dont usually write romantic ish relationships (im hermit crab irondad, not hermit crab ironeveryone), but i hope its good enough..?

thank you @technically-a-little-dragon for beta-ing this fic and for getting me to write for the marvel fandom again i dont really know who to tag, but since i always tag you... @officialtonystarkprotectionsquad @jaijaiwriter @hollandrecs

#ironstrange #tony stark #stephen strange #villain stephen strange #based on a chat #wong #steve rogers #natasha romanoff #bamf nat #black widow #captain america #genius stephen strange #celestial-irondad #fluff #crack #Marvel crack

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isotuan · 7 years

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Nutrition (Yoongi x Reader Fluff/Crack)

Genre: Fluff/Crack

Word: 1,634

Summary: Are you a fruit? ‘Cause honeydew you know how fine you look right now?

Note: This is set in Stupid!universe where Y/N and Yoongi are best friends that annoy the fuck out of each other. It was mentioned in the fic how Yoongi had to drag her to the grocery store at some point, and I got INSPIRED. Also, I’m not that witty, these pick up lines and jokes are from the internet, with a bit of iteration to fit the story line. Other than that, I really like this one. Maybe it’s bc I’m equally of a lazyass as Y/N? The banter is really my style... SO GET READY FOR SOME HELLA CRINGE LMAO.

CHECK OUT STUPID (YOONGI X READER FLUFF) HERE

“Can I ride the cart at least?”

“Jesus fuck. For the third time, Y/N.—

—No.”

Y/N grumbled loudly, kicking at the tiny rocks under her her shoes. Yoongi pulled a large cart out of the store’s several rows, figuring that this grocery run would turn out to be quite a big one.

After countless attempts of convincing Y/N that PostMates and UberEats of grease-drenched Chinese food were not exactly the healthiest option, he had finally dragged her to the local supermarket. That was, after telling her that they were going for frozen yogurt and had ‘accidentally’ made a wrong turn to the store, “so we might as well, right?”

“This is no fun,” Y/N bemoaned as they made their way through the second set of sliding doors.

“When was the last time you’ve step foot in a grocery store?”

Y/N shrugged, “Last year maybe?”

“Jesus,” he huffed. “I should’ve guessed by that leftover salad rotting in your fridge.”

“It was a good salad, I was saving it for later.”

Yoongi tilted his head, “For six months?”

Y/N puffed out her cheeks and shifted from one foot to the other, avoiding the question. Yoongi knew that Y/N knew herself how bad her eating habit was. She was just too stubborn to admit it, Yoongi would know after all these years. And of course, he was very much expert now at dealing with her stubborn ass. He snorted, “Just stay by the cart, I’ll do the shopping.”

They made their way over to the produce section, but not after Y/N insisting that they should make a pit stop at the snack aisle first. To which Yoongi quickly denied and pulled her away with a tug of her wrist.

Yoongi began strolling around the section. The vibrant colors made each fruit look as if they were little gems and each vegetable look as delectable as ever, Yoongi grabbed a strip of plastic bags and began shopping.

“No, no, no. Not tomatoes!” Y/N ran up behind Yoongi as picked up the bright red fruit. “I hate tomatoes.”

“Well that’s too bad,” Yoongi placed it into a bag along with another.

“Dickhead,” she hissed.

In defeat, Y/N groaned and dragged her feet off to somewhere else. Yoongi watched her and made sure he could still see her out of his peripheral vision before returning to picking out more fresh produce.

She likes avocados, he thought to himself. But not too ripe. He took his time picking out the perfect avocado out of the large pile.

She can’t have mushrooms. Once he ordered had ordered her a stuffed Portabello at dinner which resulted in a night beside the toilet bowl. So he passed them without hesitation.

He gathered stuff he knew well Y/N could eat and stuff he thought she’d be able to tolerate. The produce in the cart quickly piled up with much consideration for each item and researches of recipes Yoongi could (with his utmost culinary skills of boiling an egg) attempt in order to have Y/N at least try something new. He made himself two mental notes: one, when he makes these, have 911 on speed dial (just in case), and two, to search up how the fuck to pronounce “açaí?”

Yoongi was choosing a bunch of spinach with ease when suddenly something popped up in front of him. And just a couple of inches away from hIs nose was a—

A pineapple?

“Hey, baby. Are you a pineapple? ‘Cause you’re one fine-apple.”

“What the hell are you doing?”

Y/N stood next to Yoongi and, still, with a pineapple held to his face, she answered, “I’m picking you up, gorgeous.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes and swatted the yellow fruit away, “Fuck off.”

“Come on,” Y/N followed Yoongi as he stuffed the bag with spinach and made way back to the cart. “They might be corny, but I think they’re a-maize-ing!”

“I said fuck off,” Yoongi spoke. He pushed the cart over to the dairy section, where he grabbed a carton of milk and scanned the variety of cheese for a possibly healthy option—

“Hey, I know I may be cheesy. But I know you’d want a pizza this,” she gestured to herself. “Or do you prefer the whole pie?”

“Oh, fuck you for that,” Yoongi’s face twisted with distaste before pushing the cart away fast, letting Y/N shuffling behind him to catch up.

“Hey, at least take me on a date first,” Y/N pointed at the shelve of raisins and— Dammit. “But don’t worry I’ll go out with a cute-cumber like you.”

“I hate you,” he grumbled a tried focusing on the recipe he had pulled up on his phone, even he wasn’t processing a single word in front of him.

“Oh, donut be like that,” she nudged his side. “Anyone would be glazed to hear these.”

“Look, if you want to eat decent food for once,” He turned to face Y/N who trailed behind him. “I have to follow this recipe, so shut—”

“Oh, what’s on the menu, sweetheart?” Y/N tilted her head and pointed back and forth between her and Yoongi. “Is it me-n-u?”

“For fuck’s sake,” he groaned.

“Because I’ll have whatever you’re having if it means getting those sweet buns of yours.”

Giving up entirely, Yoongi rushed out of the aisle with a hurry, plus, the old couple beside them weren’t giving the two the kindest of looks. He sped towards an open checkout and began loading the conveyor belt Even if he hadn’t gotten all of the things he intended to buy, this was good enough if it meant leaving this shitshow of a stand-up.

“Can we go to McDonald's after this?” Y/N came up beside Yoongi.

“No—”

“Oh, nevermind. I forgot I already have a McGorgeous right here,” and she poked his side, making him bend the slightest bit. Fuck being ticklish.

“Yah—”

From the other side of the register, the cashier chuckled and Yoongi snapped his head over to the young lady saying, “You guys are a really cute couple.”

Yoongi’s jaw dropped and he could feel the warmth creeping up at his cheeks, but before he could deny her—

Yoongi felt arms wrap around his torso while he stood frozen with kale in one hand and a bag of oranges in another. Y/N spoke as she hugged Yoongi with a wide grin, “Thank you, at least someone appreciates my jokes.”

She looked up at Yoongi with a snarl.

Yoongi wondered if she saw his face turn a blush color in the split of a second he took to pry off her embrace with much embarrassment. He also wondered if she heard how fast his heart pounded when she had her face that close to her head.

He hoped her stupid ass didn’t.

God, he hoped.

“Why the hell did you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Run off your smart ass mouth,” Yoongi continued his path towards his car still keeping the space between himself and—

“Oh, I know you were McLovin’ it.”

“Shut up, you fucker.”

After they loaded his trunk, the two got into the car without a second loss of Yoongi's continuous nagging of how publically humiliating the grocery trip that was.

“I’m never taking you anywhere ever again, you know that right?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Y/N drummed her finger against the dashboard with a lack of interest in what Yoongi had to say. “It’s not like I go out much often anyway.”

It was silent for a while, Yoongi thought about what Y/N had just said and, hell, it was true. You could practically mistake her for a hermit crab. She wouldn’t get out of the house, that was if it wasn’t for Yoongi and school. And he would try his best to visit her often, being the wonderful best friend he was.

“You have to get out more,” Yoongi spoke.

“I don't see why when I can just sit in the comfort of my bed and watch ‘How I Met Your Mother’ for the fourth time.”

“That’s not even that great of a TV show.”

“You’re point?”

“My point is...” Yoongi turned on to the main street. The car came to a stop at a red light, the engine hummed lowly and the radio tunes sounded gently in the background. The sun was about to set and he watched its final golden rays bounce off the hood of his car. The weather was cooling and he could feel the soft breeze entering the car with the windows rolled down. Yoongi glanced over at Y/N in the passenger seat with her legs tucked against her chest, how she always sat. She was busy giggling at whatever was on her phone screen that she hadn't noticed the way the corners of Yoongi lips curved up just the slightest bit. But, that was how it had always been.

And Yoongi hoped it would stay that way.

"My point is," Yoongi finally continued, eyes returning back to the road. "Instead of making shitty puns. Don't you want to, I don't know, explore the world or something?"

That same way.

“Do you want to see a picture of the world?”

“What—” Yoongi turned once more although what greeted him was not Y/N but Y/N's phone. The screen illuminated brightly, it was on selfie mode and it was a display of—

“Get it?—"

—’Cause you’re my world?”

That same old stupid, stupid way.

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