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#i just hope that people who have bought the game can unlock stuff with in game currency or the mcc unlock system we have now
callsigns-haze · 3 months
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A blow for an answer
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pairing: young!coriolanus snow x fem!classmate!reader
summary: people see the two of you as the goody two shoes but truly there's only one real way you study.
warnings: smut, mention of bombings, blowjobs, unhinged coryo, work sex, dominance, short fic
A/n: This is my first hunger games post so I hope y'all enjoy!
It was a wednesday morning. It was your day when classes start an hour later than usual, allowing you to have a light sleep in before starting a whole day of hard study. Your room was only illuminated by the thin, bright beam of light that peaks through a gap in your curtains. It didn't quite disturb you till the light hit your face, stirring you to awake, quite so lightly.
You decide to turn in your bed to face the other way, pulling the covers further up so that the light didn't disturb you but the young seven year old did it instead. "Wake up! Coryo is about to be here!" Ellie's voice broke the silence as you lift your head to look at the alarm clock next to you. You slept in.
Nobody in the world would have ever experienced you jumping out of bed so quickly, running to your chair to get your ironed uniform to run to the bathroom. "Ells, why didn't you wake me sooner!?" You squeal running into your bathroom. "I tried to! It's not my fault you hibernate!"
You close the door shut and the first thing you do is run to the sink and open the cold tap. You let some water run before you splash a gracious amount onto you face to awoken you.
You had to get ready as soon as possible, Coriolanus will arrive any minute now and you've only risen from bed. Coryo, he was your classmate and assignments partner. The two of you always study together, it's what you do best. A lot of classmates tease that even though your head barely makes it out of books it's not like your father can't buy your way into further studies.
You didn't care about what they thought, now or never, their opinion doesn't matter, especially as you swash your mouth empty of toothpaste and begin to quickly brush your hair before grabbing some jell, water and hairspray. The quickest hairstyle you can maintain is your signature slick bun with a fancy hair tie at the base of the bun.
You've never dragged your hair back so quickly and aggressively, you needed to get it done now. The uniform was easy to put on but you wanted an easy make-up, just plain powder and mascara. You'll still look daring but quite plain for a rich kid.
You take out your powder and apply it onto one of your brushes. Your mom bought you this powder box years back, each time saying that she can replace it but you didn't want that you only got it refilled, it reminded you of times she was around more and let you dig in her stuff to play.
No more time to have sad flash backs. You throw off your nightgown, allowing it to pool around your feet as you slip on some red tights and your blue button up shirt. You put on the skirt, which has been made shorter for women during the years and throw on your blazer. Just on time.
------
Coriolanus was a man who was always punctual. Never missed a day of school in ten years or has never shown up late to any class. You admired that in him, he had potential, like your father says, 'his father was a man who loved his country, his son is much like him', and that was true.
Coryo knocks on the big wooden doors of your family home just to hear some squealing and screaming between the siblings. Like always your little sister Elizabeth runs to the door with hesitation, and peaks through the corner glass to see who has arrived. She smiles when she sees Coriolanus and screams upstairs, "Y/n, he's here! He's here!"
She does a little jump up and down as she twist the key that is at the other side of the door unlocking the door. She runs to him as he leans down locking her in a short hug as the little girl whispers to him ,"She slept in."
He let out a slight chuckle with that. The little girl throwing her older sister right under the bus at every chance she gets. He smiles at her as she talks about her playdate she had with a friend yesterday and how they have a rose garden, like the one his Grandma'am talks about but is quickly interrupted by you standing on the bottom step calling out.
"Ellie, Chase is in the kitchen waiting for you." She rolls her eyes and you give her a darn stare, the one that tells her to get in the move now and you close the door as you exit it and sigh. Coryo let's out another chuckle with that and smirks, "You slept in again, didn't you?" You groan, it's like he knows every time. Are you really that predictable? He laughs at that as he takes some of the books your holding and carrying them under his arm.
"I wouldn't have, if Highbottom was so stuck up and gave us a ten page essay to do in one night!" You moan as you never liked your dean. He was rude, alcoholic and possibly even a drug addict. In all those cases it proves that he should not have the right to teach young adults.
"Hey, I've seen you write essays and each time you get top notch marks. He can try to bring you down but he never will," Coriolanus confronts you as the two of you weave through the crowds trying to get to the university as fast as possible.
"And anyways, if you ever need some motivation to write an essay, you know where to find me," his stupid teasing, especially in public, makes your whole face go red and you shove him slightly but instead of managing to get him away he wraps his arm around you. "Aw, come on Y/n, you can't fight it."
"Oh, you're about to find out what I can or can't fight." You break off running leaving him miles behind. You look behind you to see Coryo throw his hands up in the air as you take off.
------
"Here's our golden girl," Arachne drags those words like nails on a chalkboard. She is one of those girls who run off daddy's money because between both of those ears is suppose to be a brain but no. Just emptiness. "Leave her alone Arachne, I bet once we all hear her essay our jaws will drop." Festus's comment made you let out a small smile, spoiled kids always tried to be bitchy and the best but there's nice words around sometimes.
"So where's your golden boy, I hope he's not with Plinth," Felix roles his eyes. Such an unmannered daddy's boy, your waiting for his father's campaign to be over to see what he's got to say then. He'll become a basic like the two of you.
"Don't be rude Felix, at least he has more manners then a pig like you," you snap at him being fed up of how he quickly insults Sejanus for his family and wealth but none of you are any better than that, it's just that he comes from district.
Festus let out an airy laugh as Clemensia bit her lip to prevent her laughter. You always knock Felix off his high horse and he always reminds you off the position his father holds so you come back at him with the same. You would've continued your little word scrap but the bell rang at that.
"Don't make me finish this off later, zip it."
------
"Who knows what sparked the painful action in the Capitols heart during the dark days?" Your dean asks the class. None of them try to make eye contact with him. Trying to avoid getting picked but here you where raising your hand to answer the question. "Yes Ms. Trevino."
"During the dark days the rebels bombed a shelter where the capitals wife's and kids of politics or generals where hiding. It caused deaths of twenty seven kids and nine wifes."
He nods at you, quite impressed of your knowledge and smiles. "Right, word to word, Ms. Trevino." He was impressed, no one writes about that in any book, the information barely exists anymore yet a girl in his class knew the question to the question almost immediately.
"Very well, what districts or rebels caused the bombing?" That question was meant for you only and know the whole classes eye lay upon you, waiting curiously for the answer.
"They were travellers. Didn't belong to a certain district, always on the move. They were found almost immediately and hung for their doing."
Another correct answer that he did not expect you to be able to get. You look up to see Coriolanus smiling with a proud look at you. He didn't know this himself but for you to be able to know that is quite incredible.
"If you don't mind me asking, Ms. Trevino. How do you have this information?" You hated talking about it, it was quite forbidden at your house. No word was mentioned, no tears were shed anymore, just pure acceptance.
"I lost a family member at that bombing, sir." The looks of pity filled the classroom as you said that. Coryo knew that you mentioned before that you had another older brother but all he heard was that he passed away tragically and here that theory was quite confirmed.
With you saying that, Highbottom went back to teaching from the book. It was a quite slow class leading from then on since all this information was way better covered in the essay you wrote from better sources, this was like a whole baby type of revision.
As the class went on your dean questioned you all on the material, which you knew top notch but the thing he announced after that was truly unfair. "Since you all seem so 'interested' in this sector, tomorrow I shall exam you on it. Ms. Trevino, you will be free from the exam since you've covered all of this in the work you handed me. Now, your all dismissed."
------
Your parents always liked Coriolanus, they believed that even though you get highest marks that he has a great impact on it and they're not wrong. The two of you work rather marvellously in a studying pair.
He sits at your desk since tonight you'll be studying here. You didn't have homework or study due to your dean letting you off but you could clearly see that Coryo was overly stressing at this point and none of the information was going into his head.
"Coyro," you murmur, sitting down upon his lap, pestering his neck with kisses and light bites as he continues reading the papers in front of him. "Hmm?" He hums as he is slowly losing concentration as you rock your hips back and forth over his clothed shaft that is tucked away in his uniform pants.
He isn't wearing the usual red skirt that comes with it, meaning you have less to remove before you start your magic, "let me relax you."
You sink down onto your knees and Coryo begins to feel the kisses that you give to his groin area. You sit up, perched, with your knees hitting the carpeted bedroom floor, in between his legs. You slip down the pants as they reach his ankles and to remove them fully he kicks them onto the floor, bringing his underwear with him.
He's fully exposed besides the blue school shirt that he still wears. You wiggle your body up straight and your face is in front of his sprung, half hard cock. You lean the side of your cheek in the dip of his hip and grab a hold of the hardening cock. You gently begging to tug at him watching his foreskin go up and down as it comes over his shaft. You stare at how he looks so big with your small hand.
As you continue the pre blowjob, Coryo tries to focus on his study notes, but each delicate touch of yours makes him feel like on cloud nine and it's only your little hand. You lean your head more in his hip dip to kiss his shaft from the bottom base to the very top of his shaft. You know this is making Coriolanus sensitive from the feeling of your lips on him creates an arousal.
"So, kiss kiss tell me what was the war?" The most simple question but you kissing every square inch of his cock made it hard to think straight. "It was…fuck…a rebolt against the capital…holy shit."
With the right answer you bend down to take his whole cock head in your mouth and begin giving it soft sucks, you weren't going to go very hard at the beginning. The hiss that left his mouth showed that he was beginning to enjoy this .
You hollow out your mouth and sink a tiny bit more, this wasn't a cheap fuck, it was basically a quiz, but with a lot more spice.
One of your hand is wrapped around his base as you lower your mouth in the top. You keep your movements steady after you ask the next question. Just the way he likes a blowjob. You eyes keep closed and enjoy the moment.
Around four questions later you begin to feel Coriolanus's breathing to pick up as you watch his chest move up and down more rapidly. From now, he has completely lost the ability to speak straight. He was feeling to good to concentrate and technically you've asked him on pretty much everything. The only thing that was in his mind was your warm little mouth around his big thick cock.
He accidentally jerks his hips up leading you to let out delicate gags as he hits the back of your throat, usually he's able to control himself unless he's fucking your mouth.
"God, Y/N." His moans are deep. Hearing him moan so loudly makes you get wet and turned in. You know that once your done with him, he'll give back a favour in return.
You continue bobbing your head up and down for a bit longer until you feel something on your tongue at his very tip, which he was leaking precum. He feels so good he feels his muscles in his stomach contract and thighs shake. He wanted to give you a warning before loading off in your mouth. "Y/N, fucking hell! I'm going to cum!"
As he throws his head back you begin to go faster. You suck hard since you don't intend to pick up the speed to much but you know it'll drive Coryo over the edge, it always does.
He ejaculates his hot cum in your mouth as you continue sucking his tio and rest your hand at the base of his shaft. His salty liquid happily makes it down your throat once you swallow.
Coyro's careless moans escape, he doesn't care about how load he's being. You make him feels so good and the two of you are alone in your house. He grabs the sides of the chair to build up pressures as he believes his orgasm moments. You stop sucking and tugging to not overstimulate him and lift your head off his limp shaft.
You sit up on your bent knees, breathing heavy from your lack of breath while giving the blowjob, and Coryo lays there almost lifeless, still trying to float back to earth. Then you crawl up his body and lay flat on his heaving chest, wrapping your arms under his back.
"I know you don't need to study but I think you deserve a recap of the woman's body autonomy."
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zombiefox89 · 4 months
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My AI Girlfriend Is Real!
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King's one shot I wanted to try. I hope you enjoy this one and have a lovely day.
The day of a spring, the gentle blow of the wind and birds chirping would make everything feel peaceful.
Till a monster comes out to kill and terrorist people. The people run away from the monster what's been turned into a wizard orc.
"HAHAHA! I AM THE ONE WHO WILL CRUSH THY WITH MY SPELLS OF DISTRUCTION! AND I'LL..." He pauses when he heard a rumbling sound that makes the monster sweat.
He knew that sound anywhere as he turned to find King standing near by staring at him. His three claw mark scars on his left eye was show the battle he had getting it.
The orc wizard was frightened by him as he went to attack but nothing was happening. His limps were shaking as his lip quiver so much he bit his own tongue.
He raised his hand to cast a spell on him then splat! The monster was gone in seconds. The people cheered for King on his victory.
King's POV
'Ohhh man why does this keep happening to me... I just wanted to buy a game...' He thought with a low sigh as he saw Saitama running past with a paper in his hand.
He killed the monster in one punch then zoomed past King without realising it was him.
He looked like he was late for something but King shrugged it off as he walked past the people praising him.
He didn't want this as he's been mistaken by Saitama from the alien that was killing people for mother earth. And now he's a S Class Hero the strongest man alive.
He groaned at the thought but today isn't going to put him down. Today is a new dating game that came out and he was excited to buy it.
He preorder it online that's been released for people to play it till the game goes out to the world. He entered the game store to search for it.
He couldn't find a staff member as they were somewhere else. But then a young man came out holding boxes then noticed King.
"Oh hello there, sorry to keep you long how can I help?" He asked wearing a light blue polo shirt and brown pants.
His dyed hair was in a ponytail with blonde and fire red on the tall. King asked about the dating game that the guy nods then went to the back to get it.
"Here you go sir and enjoy" he said politely that King smiles to see the game in his hands and can finally play it.
He thanked the man then walked out of the store till a co worker came out then talked to the man about something.
King was humming to himself as he walked home. He bought other games to hide the dating game in his bag then head into his apartment.
King was having a stressful day and playing the game he was waiting for was going to be relaxing.
He felt his heart beating with excitement when the title and the character's voice welcoming him.
"Hello there, come over for a great day!" The character said. He didn't know what to put in for a name so he made it up.
But then a pop up came up that confused him. "New character unlock?" King read the words then was happy to know what character they added in.
He selected the new character as they popped up on the screen. "Oh hello there, I'm Y/n, what's yours?" You asked that King type the fake name in.
"Oh it's nice to meet you! I just moved her and... Do you want to be friends?" You asked that he hits yes. You smile at the comment "Awesome we'll be the bestest of friends!" You said grinning with close eyes.
He wasn't going to lie that he found you cute as he played for hours with you. He bought stuff to give you to boost your friendship with him and a sneak flirt here and there.
You liked it when he gave you cheesy pick up lines that made you laugh. He felt happy as he would cringe at his own words but the why you giggled and laugh made his heart flutter.
A few days later he went to Saitama's place to hangout with and when he got back he then turned on the TV screen and game console.
He had his hands on the controller wanting to hang out with you again. But when the title came up instead of the character on the box didn't greet him.
He thought that was odd but he knew there might be mistakes in the game but he didn't care. He went to your icon sending him to one of the places you was at.
You slide over from the screen with a big smile on your face. "Oh hello there again! How are you feeling today?" You asked that he selected the good option.
You smile at him making him feel warm inside. But then you're face fell to sad expression that he was confused with then asked on the question.
"What's the matter?" He typed in that you looked at him with you're e/c eyes.
"I noticed you hang out with the other girls as well..." You said that he remembered he did hangout with other girls and didn't know that you would be sad about it.
"I was hanging out with them to..." He gets a message popped up that made him surprised and more confused from what his reading.
"Do you like them more then me?" The text read "oh that's new..." King said then he replied to it.
"I could just hang with you" when he finished another text popped up that shocked him to the core.
"Who Is Saitama, King?" The text said in bold letters. "He was shocked "HOW DID YOU KNOW MY NAME AND SAITAMA'S!" He yelled that you leaned up to the screen.
"I know must about you King and I wanted to talk to you more. But I didn't want those NPC's to take you away" you said while putting your finger going up and down on the screen.
He was surprised but he wasn't sure what to do as he grabs his phone to see a text from the same guy he bought the game.
Hello sir, the game I gave you was called to be sent back and we need the game back to replace it with a new one.
"They want to replace me... I'm not broken I'm... Different..." You said that he notices you was gone then looked at his phone to see you on it.
"How are you doing that and... What are you?" He asked "I went into the plug where your phone charger is and entered inside it while it was charging" you said then you told him how you was made.
Y/n's POV
You was created to be added into the game and the designer who created you was doing it with care.
You began to move on your own that he was ecstatic to see you moving around on your own.
He told the boss about it but then the gamers tried to go on a date with you but you refused too.
The boss told the man who created you. He didn't approve it and told him to delete you and start again. You was broken in their eyes and the wanted you gone.
He refused but they went to destroy you themselves but the creator ran to gets your harddrive and puts it into the game then throw it into the pile of game sent to stores to be sold off to.
"And I was lucky enough to have a guy like you to hangout with me and tell me about your day and everything.
I can go into other games to play with you and your friends!" You said that he wasn't sure but hearing your story made him realise something.
"So you are a character who is different to the others and not a corrupted person who could destroy everything in sight?" He asked that you stared at him for a few seconds.
"Nooo..." You said that he smiles "I take it you could be..." He paused that you was wondering what he was thinking.
"Girlfriend?" He asked that you shocked "Gi... GIRLFRIEND!?! REALLY!" You said excitedly then hugged the screen.
You was happy to have someone to love and care about. He takes you everywhere he goes talking to you and showing you sites that you could never see before.
King went to Saitama's place to play games and chill out while Genos was cleaning. Saitama noticed King was happier then usual.
"Your happy then normal" he said that King looks at him confused. "Oh really? Well I've..." Saitama cuts in "Yeah I mean its not like you have a girlfriend right?" He asked that met with silence.
Saitama raised his eyebrow then realised the blush he has that peaked Saitama's interest. "Who is she?" Saitama asked then he showed his phone to him.
Saitama was confused on what he was seeing. "Is this her?" He asked but could see you was a game character.
"Hello Saitama" you said that made him jump. Genos was also shocked to see you talking and moving around.
"How is she able to get into your phone? Is it a app or something?" Saitama asked.
"No apparently she's been a different AI in her code and the creator made her and the boss wanted to erase her" he said that Genos was on the phone to someone.
You looked at Genos unsure what's he doing then backed into his phone to listen what was being said.
"An AI becoming a mindful person? I think there been a creator who cared about her and lets her escape to live among human beings... Fascinating" the voice said that you could read the name on the caller.
You wasn't sure what he was on about but you had a feeling of being erased by the Cyborg. You saw King playing a game with two characters fighting.
You noticed he was playing a bunny girl kicking the big monster who is doing a low kick.
You felt left out on the action making King notice you looked sad. He takes one hand off his controller to grab his phone while playing one handed on the controller.
Saitama sees this and gets more pissed off "ONE HANDED! THAT'S PUSHING IT!" He yelled then goes mashing buttons. And lost the game to him.
"OH COME ON!" He yelled then fell face first on the floor. He then shot back up with a tense face with veins popping up on his bald head.
"One more round!" He said through his teeth clearly getting angrier of losing. "What's the matter Y/n?" He asked you then Genos walked over to see what was going on.
"I want to play as well..." You said as you're tone was low and soft like a anime character. King was thinking about something then had an idea.
"How about if I connect you to the game you can join" he said that your eyes widened then got connected to the game.
You played the bunny girl then beat Saitama without losing a health bar. Saitama was doing the same low kick as you was blocking his attack.
You then jumped then kicked the monster in the face then used a power move to give it a blow kiss. The monster fainted and you posed in victory.
Saitama was so annoyed about this then his words came out. "SHIT! THIS GAME IS SHIT!" He yelled then mumbled about something but you was happy to play with the gang.
Few hours later King went home with you on his phone talking to you. You was laughing at his jokes and wondering what it would feel him holding his hand.
You wanted to be more then in his phone but you notice King looks scared when he saw a monster in front of him a robot that was attacking people.
The robot stab ed his phone as you felt glitching in your system then transferred into the robot.
The robot monster tried to get you out of its system but you overpowered it and took over it's mind killing it's core and added your own.
You felt your robot fingers and looked at your hands. You got excited then hopped around happily as you went to hug King.
But you notice sharp blades on your arms that would kill him and felt more distant to him. But King was happy that you was alright then died like his phone.
He takes you home and you tried to act like a human but then the robot started to malfunction and you had to get out.
King connect you to the TV to enter inside it. You popped up on the screen then watch the fall apart then flopped on the floor.
You felt saddened that you wasn't able to explore the body but King cheered you up by playing a game with you.
When you was in asleep mode that night till morning comes up. You woke up to see King plugging his phone to the console.
You was confused on what he was doing, he notices you then puts you in his phone. "What are you doing?" You asked him but see a smile on his face.
"Oh it's a surprise" he said then puts you in his pocket. You couldn't see anything but wonder what he had in mind.
You was playing an app game to pass the time but he takes you out of his phone to see you was in Saitama's place.
"Why are we here King?" You asked then Genos walked over to you then hands his hand to King. King gives him his phone then Genos walked over to the corner of the room.
He turns the phone around to see a new modded robot sitting on the floor. Your eyes widened to see it but you was curious on how they created it.
"I was speaking with King to make you a robot body and I asked Dr Kuseno to make you one" Genos said. He plug you into it transfering you inside the robot.
You woke up to see the men in the room then looked at your hands. You slowly got up like a deer learning to stand for the first time.
You stumble around but got the hang of it as you walked up to King giving him a hug. You noticed you was a plain white body but you customise yourself to fit what you look like.
You felt like a person as you could do everything like a human could do but you notice Saitama was smirking at you.
"Now that you have a body... I want a rematch!" He said holding the controller in his hand. You smile then accepted it.
He still lost.
Once you and King was at home playing games he noticed you was getting good at the games. When he was playing a fighting game with you you tried to beat him.
He was about to win till you leaned over to kiss his lips making him freeze in place as his face turned bright red.
"K.O!" The male voice yelled on your victory. You was happy that you beat the master of video games.
He was stunned and red as he flopped on the floor happily seeing you dance around with joy.
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softsky-daily · 5 months
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11/8/2023
The sky has been so blue lately - or maybe it just happens to be whenever I take a picture.
Positive thing: I got to play the new Yakuza game.
I played through the tutorial stuff and the first chapter and it's pretty fun so far. I had to adjust to the combat since it's back to the original beat-em-up style as the past games, plus Kiryu is all by himself and not with a big party like Ichiban is in Yakuza 7. It does give it a much lonelier feeling, but I think it suits the story. I'm playing in Japanese so I understand like 70% of it and the other 30% I'm trying to make out through context clues, but it's enough to enjoy it. Plus I'm learning a lot of new vocab which is always a plus.
There's this new gadget system thingy where you can use gadgets in combat and the first one you get is a wire that you can wrap around enemies and fling them around with. It's very Spiderman-esque. I think you unlock more which I'm curious about seeing.
Class was a big drag today. I straight up just kept the Zoom open and only tuned in when there was a mandatory discussion happening, and I was still tired by the end. Most of the time I was chatting with classmate friends on Discord on the side. It seems like a lot of us are going through it this semester. I guess I've also realized that there is just this strong atmosphere of... I don't know what to call it. Bootstrap mentality? Like that but much more subconscious I guess. My professor was sick and she opened the call with her groggy voice apologizing that she was sick, and said something along the lines of "You know, you have your clients and all these things you have to do, and when you get sick it's hard because you need rest and at the same time, everything is going to move on without you if you fall behind."
Which like, true I guess, but it never sits well with me when someone in my field says things like that. I know we live in a society that doesn't prioritize rest at all, and that it's basically being kept together by people who do do all that work, and someone has to do it and it's often thankless and difficult, but where do we strike that balance? What kinda message do we send others about mental health when we make the choice to do that? I know the answer is that a bunch of systems need to be reworked and better funded to allow for more rest, not just for counselors but everybody, but that won't happen so easily.
I see my friends doing the same things, both those in class with me or at their jobs or whatever, and it feels so harrowing that it's this ubiquitous. Just pushing through because it feels like there is no other choice. I've been doing that forever and it literally rots you away to be like that. I know there's a special kind of person who does genuinely thrive in that kind of pressure, but I am not them, and most people I know aren't either.
Oh well. I get to play more Yakuza tomorrow, and a friend is coming over to stay for the weekend as well. I'm mostly looking forward to Friday, where I'm having an end-of-running-group-counseling celebration lunch and then later going to my friend's birthday dinner. I bought him a present I think he'll really like so I hope I'm right. Then Sunday I'm volunteering at the Japanese Festival which I think will be fun too. I'm going to need to be pretty firm about having my own rest time though, because I have practicum Monday and if I don't get rest I think I'll literally be too out of patience with everything to function.
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horowitz86dueholm · 2 years
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Excel Password Protection - Ways To Password Protect A 2007/2010 Excel History?
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crowcryptid · 3 years
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probably wishful thinking on my part but i hope we get some news/trailer for infinite when the new xbox launches
#halo infinite#halo#i would take ANYTHING. 10 seconds of multiplayer. a vid showing a new gun or vehicle. another banished leader. anything#anything to make people stop talking about the armor coatings. its almost as bad as the sprint discussion.#and when i say something i mean like. not just showing off the armor like the xbox trailers so far.#and if they do release gameplay i wanna know if the new suit features from shadows of reach are actually gonna be in the game#(in shadows of reach the gen 3 suit has active camo and different visor settings like thermal vision and night vision)#btw i am not defending the armor coatings#i think its dumb too. but im not gonna freak out until we know MORE about it#with the multiplayer being free to play i knew shit like this was gonna happen.#i just hope that people who have bought the game can unlock stuff with in game currency or the mcc unlock system we have now#like. cosmetics for f2p people can cost $5. thats fine. but people who bought the game should be able to earn it by playing.#i doubt we are gonna get anything but.. i can dream#whenever halo 4 comes to pc we will get another one of those summary vids and maybe that one will have more info than the others#since its gonna be the last one we get. or maybe it will just continue the trend of 'somethings happening but we wont tell you what it is'#i am only suspecting we will see something within the next month cause i mean. the game WAS going to come out at this time.#so they might have already had a cinematic trailer ready. since that would have taken months to make. but idk!!#really the thing i want to know most: is it coming in the first or second half of the year?#ok ok im done talking now
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transias · 3 years
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Hello!! I saw your taking requests and I was wondering if you could write a johnny x reader where the reader is related to kreese maybe he's their uncle or godfather anyways one day kreese has the reader there with him to show them off and johnny connect's dots that there related , Its okay if you dont wanna write it I love your writing btw💕
An Unexpected Surprise.
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Pairings: Johnny Lawrence x Godchild Kreese!Reader
Warnings: Mentions of death
A/N: Thank you so much, y'all are so sweet oml! will always be more than happy to write for all of you, so don't even worry about it <3
〰️
My parents had died about two weeks ago. Everything happened so quickly, I barely had time to process it.
It wasn't like I could put my life on pause for a moment. If my parents were here I know they would probably say something like, "(Y/n), keep going. You got this, life goes on no matter what happens. What matters is that you're brave enough to fight back and continue."
And that's what I was planning to do.
"(Y/n)?" A voice called out, pulling me away from my thoughts.
I look up and smile softly, "Kreese, it's so nice to see you!"
"Hey kiddo." He greets, "I haven't seen you in forever, you've grown up so much!" Kreese ruffles my hair, "I'm so sorry about your parents, how are you feeling?"
I shrug, "I don't know. I'm still processing it but i'm fine, it'll all be okay. Right?"
He nods, a smile curling onto his lips, "It will. Now come on, we have a drive ahead of us." He places his hand on my back, guiding me out to the car.
Kreese and I talked about settling into California, what I liked to do, and his job as a Karate Sensei.
"You know, (y/n). We could use someone as strong and wise like you in Cobra kai." He says.
I furrow my eyebrows, "You really think so?"
Kreese nods, "Yes. My students are all brawn but no brain, well maybe except one of them." He chuckles, "He's my best student, I think you'll get along with him."
I think about it for a moment. Me? Karate? A minute of silence goes by before I sigh, "Alright, i'll join you."
Kreese smiles widely before ruffling my hair, "'Attakid."
〰️
The next morning we went out for breakfast, got enrolled at a nearby school, bought a couple of things I needed, and basically helping me settle into California.
It was not a little late in the afternoon and I sigh, looking out the window. "How would you describe the kids here?"
Kreese looks up from the television then back to me, "Annoying."
I scoff a little, "Well that's helpful."
"I don't know, (y/n). I'm old! It's not like I can roll up to the skate park and just say, "how do you do, fellow kids?"" Kreese replies.
I chuckle and shake my head, "Fair enough. Plus you're a Sensei so i'm sure being in charge of a bunch of kids and teenagers isn't so much fun."
He nods before looking at the time, "You know what? There's this place that all my students go to hang out in. Golf n' Stuff, I think it's called? Anyways, why don't you go over there and try and get acquainted with some of the kids?"
"Yeah! That'd be awesome!" I stand up, grabbing my jacket and a bit of money I had saved up.
"You need me to give you a ride there?" Kreese asks. I shake my head, "I'll take my bike so I can also try and get familiar with the streets." I smile at him.
"Alright, just make sure to be back home by 10:30!" He added. I nod, "Got it, see ya!"
〰️
I lock down my bicycle at the racks, taking a deep breath before walking into the place.
Loud noises from chattering and machines filled my ear, I was somewhat regretting this already but screw it, I had nothing to lose.
Grabbing some tokens for a few of the arcade machines, I step up to the Donkey Kong machine. I quickly start tapping on the controls and avoiding the barrels he'd throw at my character.
"Shit!" I mumble, losing the game. I turn around and see a boy with blonde hair, staring at me along with two of his friends.
I furrow my eyebrows before making my way off to another game, I can still feel their eyes staring at me and before I knew it, the blonde boy was next to me, a smirk on his lips.
"Hey i've never seen you around here before, are you new?" He asks, leaning on the wall. I nod, "Yeah, I just moved here yesterday to live with my Godfather." I reply, "The name's (y/n) (y/l/n). Nice to meet you...?"
"Oh, i'm Johnny Lawrence!" He replies, "(Y/n), that's a lovely name for a lovely person like you."
I chuckle and I can feel my cheeks warm up, "Is that something you say to all of the people you flirt with?"
Johnny shakes his head, "Nope, only with majestic people such as yourself."
"You flatter me, Lawrence."
"Well, I assume you're here alone. Would you like to hang out with me?" He offers. I nod, "Yes, please! That would be lovely."
The entire night is incredible, Johnny and I played on the arcade games, mini golf, and he even tried winning me a stuffed animal from the crane machine but unfortunately fails.
"Let me try!" I step up onto the machine.
"I don't know, babe. It's a little difficult."
I aim for a giraffe stuffed animal and successfully winning the animal, I lean down to reach for my prize and look over at Johnny who looks amazed.
"Here, a little prize as a thank you for being so kind to me, tonight." I hand it over to him.
He chuckles softly and shakes his head, "You're incredible."
I look over at the time and it's 10:21, my eyes widen and I quickly walk outside with Johnny.
I begin to unlock my bike, "I'm so sorry! I have to be home in nine minutes! But thank you for tonight, it was so lovely."
"Wait!" Johnny exclaims, placing a kiss on my cheek, "I hope to see you again, (y/n)."
There goes that not so familiar yet wonderful feeling fluttering in my stomach. "See you around, Lawrence!" I wave goodbye at him, quickly biking back home and making it a minute before my curfew.
〰️
Monday rolls around and so does school and my first lesson at Cobra Kai.
I'm grabbing my books out of the locker when all of a sudden I feel a pair of hands on my shoulder, "Nice to see you again, stranger." A familiar voice rings.
I turn around and see a smiley Johnny, "Johnny, hey! I didn't know you also went here." I smile at him.
"It's a small world, isn't it?" He raises his eyebrow, "So, I realized that I never got your number! This weekend was a little torturing since you were on my mind the entire time but I couldn't call and hear you sweet voice."
I chuckle, "Smooth, Lawrence. And fine, you can have my number." I pull out a piece of paper and write my number on it, handing it to him.
The bell rings and soon everyone is leaving, "I'll call you, see you later!" He waves, I wave goodbye before trying to find my first class.
〰️
Later on, I grab my bike and make my way to Cobra Kai earlier than most of the students.
I push the door and see Kreese, practicing a few moves before I clear my throat and catch his attention. "(Y/n), welcome to Cobra Kai! I have something for you."
I remove my shoes before walking onto the mat and closer to him, he pulls out something white and I gently take it from his hands, "This is my uniform, right?" I ask. "It's called a Gi. You will wear this during class so make sure you always bring it, got it?" He crosses his arms.
I nod, "Yes!"
"Yes what?"
"Sir?" I furrow my eyebrows.
"It's Sensei, not sir, not Kreese. Sensei."
"Yes Sensei!"
I change into the Gi and walk outside to see a group of teenagers gathered around the mat.
A familiar face catches my attention and I wave over at him, "Johnny, hey!" I smile.
He excuses himself from his friends and walks over to me, "Hey! What are you doing here?" He asks.
"Oh, my Godfather asked me to join Cobra Kai. I'm not looking forward to getting my ass kicked though." I chuckle.
Johnny nods, "Don't worry, i'll help you out."
"Lawrence! I see you've met my Godchild." Kreese exclaims, walking over to us.
Johnny furrows his eyebrows before finally realizing, "Oh- yes, Sensei, I did!"
A nervous look forms on Johnny's face and Kreese walks closer to us, "Everything okay?"
Johnny gulps, "Yeah! This is just an unexpected surprise. That's it."
"Everyone! This is my Godchild, (y/n). They will start training with us and I expect you to treat them as one of your own. Is that clear?" Kreese announces.
"Yes Sensei!" The class replies.
〰️
"So, that was quite unexpected." I hear Johnny state.
I nod, "Yeah, i'm guessing you're that 'best student' he mentioned to me."
"Oh jeez, this complicates things a little. Do you think Sensei will kill me if I ask you out on a date?"
I pause and look over at him, "You were gonna ask me out?"
Johnny nods, "I'm still planning on it." He smirks and walks closer to me, "I think you're worth the risk."
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jiilys · 3 years
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warm front
featuring The Line, also on ao3 here
//
“You’re a lot better at this than Ron.��� Harry said into the phone.
 “Well that’s not hard,” Ginny said, not mentioning how she still occasionally picked up the receiver upside down. “Speaking of, he’s started growing a moustache since you left. It’s ghastly.”
 “Oi!” Ron’s voice, annoyed, in the background. Harry grinned.
 “Oh yeah?”
 “It looks like he’s got biscuit crumbs on his upper lip.” Harry laughed, and Millie glared at him from behind the post office counter, “Oh, lovely, he’s giving me the finger.”
 “I’ve started growing a bit of a beard actually.”
 “Come off it.”
 “Feeling left out?” Harry joked
 Ginny snorted. “Yes, desperately. Isn’t it hot?”
 “Well I think so.”
 She laughed, clear and quick, and Harry could imagine her, all limb, leaning against the kitchen cupboard curling the phone wire around her wrist. He’d bought the phone as a bit of joke before he’d left, and then as a joke she’d installed it, and then for a joke he’d rung her, and then this was how they talked now. Arthur had apparently worn a suit when the electrician came to install the power plug.
 “Isn’t it hot though? Bill says Australian summers are killers”
 Harry looked at Teddy, sat on the post office floor in nothing but shorts sucking an ice-pop. “I’ve been sunburnt in places I never have been before, but it’s mostly fine.”
 “Wow, sexy.”
 “Bet Ron loved hearing you say that to me.”
 “I’m sorry Harry, you want to do what to me? Put that where?” 
 “Gin-“
 “No, we couldn’t in my room, there’s not enough room. Lounge is better, more space. On the dining table.”
 Harry could hardly talk. “Stop,” he choked, “He’ll never speak to me again.”
 “He left when I said the bit about the lounge, said I was being ‘very immature.’”
  //
 Andromeda, desperate to get out, away, gone, bought the land in Australia six months after the war ended. She’d said it was because she’d always liked the heat, but when Harry got there he knew why. He’d never seen anywhere so unlike England, the Australian countryside was all scorched earth, red dirt, dry trees. It could have been a different planet entirely.
 He’d followed her six months later to be with Teddy, who at almost a year had hair permanently sunshine yellow, except when it rained it went as grey as concrete. Harry liked the spiders, sand, sunburn of it all. Sometimes, dumbly, he found himself missing sheets of rain, but only when it was so hot he could barely see straight.
 Mostly he liked how there was nothing to do there, nowhere he had to be. He was teaching himself how to drive, burying things for Teddy to sniff out (dog nose), going into the tiny town to talk to Ginny on the post office phone, and helping Andromeda build a shed out the back. He’d never used magic less. The days were long and the nights were longer, but it was so different here that that too felt right.
 He didn’t know when he’d go home. He kept meaning to set a date and then just didn’t, and then everyone stopped asking. It was stupid, but he felt like he’d know when he was done.
 //
 “Dad won’t let me see the phone bill,” Ginny said, picking up on the third ring and not saying hello, “It arrived this morning and he’s been locked in his office all morning with it.”
 “Oh, God, I can-“
 “Don’t you dare offer to pay for it. I don’t even think it’s that much, I think he’s just trying to recreate the logo at the top or something.”
 “I-“
 “Stop trying to pay for it- “
 “I’m not– “ Harry, who had been, was silent. Then: “Gin, please-“
 “No- “
 “But- “
 “Shut up-“ she said, unbothered, “Mum asked if you got the stuff she sent.”
  “I did, the biscuits were excellent. And the tea bags” Harry had cleaned out the tin so Teddy could use it as a hat, which he had been wearing for two days now.
 “I told her they already had tea in Australia but she didn’t believe me.”
 Harry smiled, “I didn’t mind.”
 “She said that even if they did have tea they wouldn’t have English Breakfast, or they would call it something crazy like ‘Australian Outback Breakfast’.”
 “How thoughtful of her.”
 “Stop being nice about it, it’s ridiculous.”
 “It was nice of her.”
 “Australian Outback Breakfast, Harry”
 “I hate tea and hate that it was graciously sent to me by your mum.” Harry obliged.
 “There we go. Killed any snakes yet?”
 “Oh yeah, loads. Bears too.”
 He could hear her smiling, “Bears, huh?”
 “All in your honour.”
 “Naturally. Still no success in seducing Millie?”
 Harry looked around to the post office reception desk, a stones-throw away from the phone, to where Millie– middle-aged, cardiganed, glasses– was pretending to read the paper and not hate him.
 “Haven’t you heard? Wedding’s in the Spring.”
 “Damn. Well, we had it good there for a while but true love always wins.”
 He laughed, and Millie gave him a look. He waved. She ignored him and went back to the paper.
 //
 Ron sent letters, barely legible, by owls that had to be nursed back to health in the bath.
 Harry, 
 Sorry for the writing but I’m on the muggle train because we’re going to Ireland for a few days to stay with her Hermione’s Aunt because she’s ‘dying to meet me’ (???). Anyway, Hermione also says to tell you that Ginny is thinking of cutting a fringe, because apparently that’s important. Apparently girls do that in a crisis, or whatever, she’ll write and explain it. 
 Ginny is basically living at ours now. The other day she put a Hollyhead Harpies poster up in the living room and when I tried to charm it off all the players screaming at me like Sirius’s fucking mum, so I just moved the cabinet in front of it. Bloody nightmare. 
 Honestly it isn’t even half bad having her around, she knows all these drinking games and set up your room and sometimes has a go reading over Hermione’s policy reports to the Ministry when I’ve sworn off them. Do not tell her I don’t mind her being round she’ll be annoying about it. I’m getting that Harpies poster off the wall.
 Hope Teddy is good and everyone is demanding more photos as usual. All Victorie has to do is chew the carpet around here and everyone gets a bit teary, including me. George jinxed Perce’s glasses into binonoulars the other day and for a weird second everything felt like before and Vic giggled and then George looked like he’d been hit the fucking nightbus. I don’t even know how to explain it– kids really just have no idea about any of it. 
 Hope Andromeda is good and that the driving is going better. Dad’s framing all of the phone bills he gets which Gin probably already mentioned but I can’t tell you how weird it is to go into my old room and it’s just a bunch of framed bills. Hermione says hello which I’ve already written but she said I didn’t make it clear enough. 
 We miss you mate. Home soon yeah? 
Ron 
  //
 Often, he thought of the week he’d told them he was leaving. Hermione, drunk, talking to Ginny on the patio of the burrow when she thought everyone was inside. It makes sense, really, she’d said, He’s never been anywhere he wasn’t hunted too. Ron had looked at him and then loudly dropped his firewhiskey and the girls had jumped, turned around, stopped talking, but still. He’s never been anywhere he wasn’t hunted too. Huh.
 //
 “How’s driving?”
 “Oh, fine. I killed a swan.” Harry said, demoralised. Ginny laughed for a good two minutes.
 “What?” 
 “I hit the wrong pedal and speed up instead of slowing down. I didn’t know what to do so I just moved it off to the side of the road.”
 “Ah, the Boy who Lived strikes again.”
 “Stop,” He was smiling, “What if Teddy had seen it?”
 “He’s not even two. He probably would have thought it was, like, having a lie down or something.”
 Harry was laughing now, “A lie down?”
 “Yeah, a spontaneous, truck-induced–“
 “–Permanent–“
 “–Permanent, lie-down. I’m almost jealous now actually.”
 //
 Andromeda was in her garden a lot. Getting anything to grow was near impossible, but she wouldn’t stop working at it. She kept saying that soon they’d be able to have a green beans salad, so Harry just drove to a market and stuck a few green beans in the ground to make her laugh. As a sort of joke they’d started calling the land ‘the farm’ even though nothing ever grew here.
 They took Teddy to the ocean for the first time and his eyes went blue the second he saw it. The beach where they’d buried Dobby was overcast, water as grey as dishwater, but here the it glittered like glass, blue light come alive. Teddy sat in the shallows, trying to flatten waves with his fists, laughing.
 Andromeda sat on a towel by the dunes under an enormous hat, tears running down her face, abruptly laughing when Teddy tried to eat sand or fell over a sandcastle. Harry knew how she felt. Impossible, how two years ago Teddy had two living parents and Harry had been seventeen, dead and walking, and now they were sat on the beach, people they loved dead for real, as Harry and Teddy lined up shells on the shore.  
 //
 It was three in the morning but Harry snuck in through a backdoor, cloak on, having to jimmy the lock because he forgot his wand. The streets were pitch black, only three streetlights in the whole main street, with two of them not working anyway.
 “Why’re you awake?” Ginny said lightning quick, knowing the time difference by heart, and Harry’s chest unlocked. It was stupidly comforting, Ginny’s voice, how she never said hello on the phone because she never learned, how if he really made her laugh she’d hold the receiver away from her, like he wasn’t desperate to hear it.
 “I thought I saw Sirius today,” he couldn’t stop himself, “There was a dog on the farm and it was huge and I thought– I forgot he was dead. Isn’t that stupid?”
 There was only Ginny’s breath down the phone. Picture: her in the kitchen, gripping the receiver, still. The memory looped in his brain, how Sirius’ name had risen in his throat, how odd it felt there, how long it had been since he’d said it aloud. 
 “No.” He almost didn’t hear her it’s so quiet, “I went to the shop yesterday and asked Ron if Fred was in the back. I forget too.”
 His heart slowed, the memory of the shop: solid and real, running again, made for laughing, rose up, only then he shut his eyes and saw everyone laid out in rows, glassy eyes, and somehow he was walking through the forest again, going to die, but not soon enough– 
 “Harry.” Ginny’s voice, dragging him back to earth, “You did everything you could. Sirius knew. Everyone knew. No one could have done better.” She sounded so sure, voice as clear as glass, he’d be a fool not to believe her, “It hurts because they loved us. They loved us. That’s the part to remember.”
 //
  “You are kidding-!” This time Harry didn’t say hello.
 “I’m sorry, who is this?”
 “Harpies reserve!” Harry was yelling in the post office and Millie looked appalled, “They’ll promote you in two weeks, you genius, I knew it– “
 “I’m sorry I really have no idea who this is.”
 “I can’t believe you didn’t say anything.”
 “I sent the letter!” Ginny dropped the joke, indignant.
 “We spoke two days ago! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me then–”
 “–I sent our fastest owl.”
 “Marius is currently passed out in the sink–“ 
 Ginny laughed, “I wanted you to get the letter,” she said, finally, “I wanted you to see it. Did you see Madeline McKinnon signed it?”
 She sounded like a kid. He grinned. “I did.”
 “Best beater this century sent a letter to my house, asking me to be on her team. Madness. The English team are after her you know, it’s all over the Prophet.” 
 “I hope you’re not expecting me to send the letter back because I think that really will finish Marius off.”
 “Please, you think I sent the real thing? Dad made twenty copies. He hung two on Ron and Hermione’s fridge and sent one to Aunty Muriel.”
 Harry grinned, “You’re brilliant, I’m hanging my copy on the front door, framed.”
 “The moving logo may cause problems for the muggles”
 “Who cares? I want to tell everyone about this. Chaser for the Harpies–“
 “I’m a reserve.”
 “For now.” He could hear her smile through the phone, “What did everyone say?”
 “Ron said I was a traitor and that he was also proud. Mum cried. Hermione promised to actually watch a game, George reminded me about nicking his broom all that time so technically he was also partly on the team, Bill bought a season pass, Charlie hung a giant Harpies poster in his shite apartment and sent a photo, Luna sent me awful flowers that won’t stop smoking, and Percy called to congratulate me on my admission to the ‘Hollygrove Harps.’”
 Harry laughed, “Incredible.”
 “Yeah, Perce’s was particularly heartfelt.”
 //
 Harry, 
 I’m sat at the dining table and everyone’s still here, but Mum wanted me to recap Charlie’s birthday dinner right now because she doesn’t want you to miss anything. Hermione also agreed with this mental idea. 
 Dinner Summary: 
Food was good 
Hermione tried to explain the electric collage or whatever decides American elections to Dad, it was stupid.
Hermione says it was electoral college not the eccentric cage or whatever I wrote
George got Charlie a life-size model of the Horntail that he almost opened in the house. Mum had a fit.
Dad told a story about how the Muggle Foreign Minister ended up with a bathtub cursed to drown anyone in it. 
Ginny wants me to say Percy is wearing a cardigan Millie would be proud of. I do not know what this means. Better not be a sex thing.
Hermione says hello (again she insisted I write this down like it isn’t obvious)
Mum wants me to say we all miss you still (again, obvious) 
She also wants to know if you need her to make you any shorts (do not answer this) 
Charlie wants to say cheers for the gift – apparently they only do that burn cream in Australia and it’s hard to come by 
George doesn’t have anything to say he just wanted to be involved so I’ve written this so he’ll bugger off. 
 I’m bloody sending this now, I feel like a quick quotes quill (Fleur asks how you are). Have a good one mate. 
 Home soon yeah? 
Ron. 
//
 Sometimes, when he was driving home from the post-office just after the sunset, everything sat in the new-dark, he’d remember when he used to be on watch, sat in front of the tent holding Hermione’s wand with everything going wrong, and how only then he’d let himself think about Ginny. Her voice, long laugh, longer legs, telling him to move over, pass the milk, look left, met her later, skip that flashcard, relax, put Luna in as chaser if it all goes arse up– she’s Ravenclaw but I’ll vouch for her. Dumb hours spent on the Quidditch pitch, sun going down, watching her get shot after shot past him like she even needed the practise. C’mon Potter at least try to save these, you’re making Ron look like Wood. Her hair everywhere, laughing, head back, both of them impossibly far from the ground
 I really don’t want to die, Harry would think in the dark, wand out, ready for it, I really don’t want to die and miss out on you
 //
 Harry, 
 Sorry I couldn’t call but everything’s been nuts here and I wasn’t sure when I’d get to talk to you. Malcotti’s fucked her ankle so I may actually get put in for a game?? She’s been told to take it easy for a week and we play the Magpies in four days, so?? I’ll let you know when I can call. I’m currently writing this at the post-office desk and running late for practise.
 Sidenote: this express owl cost me four galleons so I hope it does a dance on its arrival or at least arrives within the day. Tell Andromeda hello and that I’m still rooting for the green beans. Also, good luck for the driving test!! I’m sure you won’t hit anything living or dead and/or drive into a lake, but also if you do just confund the instructor. I solemnly swear not to tell Hermione.  
 Thinking of you. Kiss Teddy for me, 
Gin
 //
 The click of the receiver: “I only have five minutes, we’re about to eat.”
 Harry smiled, “How’s home?”
 “Absolutely nothing to note. Victorie threw up on Bill yesterday, so that was a joy.”
 “Supportive as usual.”
 “Hey, I am supportive.” Harry could tell the phone was jammed between her shoulder and her ear, heard a knife on a cutting board, “Supportive of Victorie’s right to throw up on Bill whenever she wants.”
 “Are you cooking?”
 “I’m cutting potatoes by hand to avoid the lounge because Fleur and Mum are talking about how to discipline children.”
 “Sounds tense.”
 “You don’t know the half of it. Ron had to pretend to be on the phone with you earlier for ten minutes just to get out of there. He says hi– fuck!” 
 Harry heard the phone fall, “Ginny?”
 A scrambling on the other end, distantly: “You’re bleeding on the potatoes!”
 “Hi,” Ginny’s voice, a little breathless, “I cut myself.”
 “You alright?” Harry asked, quick-shot.
 “Oh, yeah. Just blood. Admirably everyone is showing a lot of concern” (Percy’s voice, distant and mournfully, “well there’s no way we can eat these now”) 
 //
 He thought about going home sometimes, about the flat with Ron and Hermione he was currently paying for that he’d never lived in, what he’d do back in England. No one had ever come out to visit him here, some unspoken agreement they’d all made to give him space. Except, knowing Ron and Hermione and Mrs Weasley and he’s never been anywhere he wasn’t hunted to it probably was very much spoken, it’s just he wasn’t there for it.
 The thing is, if he went home that meant no more seeing Teddy every day, sitting around eating cereal, watching him walk into walls or turn his nails pink, giving him ice cream for lunch and strap him into the truck, driving around the farm doing spins just to make him laugh. Even after all this time Australia was so far from the familiar, every night him and Andromeda sat on the deck lazily casting cooling charms, looking at all the stars.
 On full moons Teddy got in bed with all the curtains open, blinds up, just to look at the moon. He couldn’t sleep unless he saw it. Harry wondered if he ever did anything like that, got pulled towards something of his parents without realising it. Quidditch, probably. Looking for something without knowing, not sure what you were really missing. Teddy’s huge eyes, the moon, and that familiar feeling: Stop, wait, I can’t believe I’ll never see you again. Come back, I wasn’t done yet. I don’t know how to do it without you.
 //
 It was pitch-black, four in the morning Queensland time, but it had been the only time she’d had free. Harry was leaning against the booth wall, letting the cloak slip, exhausted. Ginny cleared her throat in an odd way.
 “So, you know I hate asking about this. It makes me– I don’t want to be that person” She sounded, wrong, uncomfortable, like white knuckles gripping the receiver, “But everyone’s been asking and I want– when do you think you’ll be coming home?”
 Harry was quiet. All this time away– almost a year, eleven months, it occurred to him– and she’d never asked. She was the only one who hadn’t. “Oh, I don’t know. Soon, I guess.”
 “Yeah.” She said, unreadable. A beat went past, and Harry could feel the shift, how that was the wrong thing. He could hear her breathing. “Do you want– if you want, we could take a break-“
 “No” Harry said, so fast, “No, no I don’t want that. Do you want that?”
 “No. No. I just– I don’t want this to be difficult. I don’t want you to feel, like– obligated. If you want like room away from everything I get it. Just tell me– I don’t want– Just tell me.”
 Harry’s heart was going into his chest like an endlessly slamming door. How to explain it? You wouldn’t believe the space here, all this room, all this time I have. I didn’t think I’d get it. I want space but never from you. 
 “I’m not with you because I feel obligated. I’m– That isn’t how I feel. I don’t want space or a break or anything.”
 Silence, endless, pouring down the phone. He could be sick. Then, Ginny’s voice: “Okay.”
 “I’m coming back to England, Gin. I’m coming back, just, when I’m– when I’m done. I’m coming home. Soon.”
 “Okay. I just wanted to make sure that this– that this is still good.”
 “It is.” He was so stupid. A war ends and everything finally works out, everyone safe for real, and he goes running to the other side of the world and doesn’t say when he’s coming home. Ginny, at home, getting a phone wired up just to call him. He had no luck for seventeen years and then it all came at once, and now he doesn’t know what to do with it.
 “I love you,” he said, which he never said because it felt heavy, full of gravity, and he spent all his time trying to make her laugh.
 Deep breath. He could hear her shoulders unknotting through the phone. “I love you too.”
 //
 “Harry?”
 “Ron?”
 “Can you hear me? Is this?– how do I know if this is on?”
 “It’s on,” Harry said, hurriedly, “Is everything alright?”
 “I tried to give Pig a letter for you this morning and he bit me and flew into the window.” Harry started laughing, “So I thought I’d try give him a break.”
 Harry pulled himself together, “Yeah maybe that’s for the best. How are you?”
 “Oh, the usual. The shop is still nuts so Hermione stopped by to help out on Saturday and ate half a Bile Biscuit thinking it was shortbread– hilarious. George threatened to charge her. If Ginny’s not at a practise she’s at our place drinking all the milk, and Luna came by the other day and threw all the stuff in the fridge out because she said it was infected with ‘Mimilice’. You?”
 “The same. Teddy turned his leg into the end of a snake the other day and I had a fit. Andromeda put him in the sink so he couldn’t slither away before phasing back. It’s currently 39 degrees.” Ron laughed.
 “God, even your voice sounds hot.”
 “Woah, mate. I’m seeing someone and so are you.”
 “Ha ha.” Ron said sarcastically, “I wish I could turn this up so everyone in the empty living room could have heard that.”
 “Please don’t try to use the speaker phone, you’ll accidentally dial the embassy or something.”
 “’Speaker phone’? What could the phone have to say?”
  //
 Teddy turned two and Andromeda make him a cake by hand with a spider on it that moved. He blew out the candles and looked bemused, sat in a top Hermione had sent, still holding onto a scrap of ribbon. Harry took him outside and sat him on his Nimbus Seven Series, entirely too long, and Teddy did slow circles while Harry held the end, watching him laugh, tiny hands grasping the handle. Suddenly, like being thrown through a window, Remus was in front of him, standing in the Hogwarts Hallway, breathless and happy, saying his sons name.
 //
 The post office has been closing for a good fifteen minutes, but Harry brought the cloak, pretended to leave, then snuck back and picked up the phone again.
 “I think I just saw Millie’s husband.”
 “You’re kidding.”
 “A guy came to pick her up, he had a hat on, she got in the front seat–“
 “What kind of hat?”
 “I don’t know, normal. Like a normal old-person hat.”
 “You didn’t say he was old.”
 Harry grinned, “You really thought Millie seemed the type to be with a 25-year-old?”
 “Hey, you’re going out with me after all–“
 Harry spluttered, “I’m a year older!”
 “Year and a half–“ 
 “You’re unbelievable. That is not the same.”
 “Just because you like younger women–“
 “I don’t like younger women, I like you, or I did until a few minutes ago. I’m now reconsidering.”  
 “You like me.” Ginny said, not really serious but also deadly so.
 Harry smiled, said dryly, “What gave me away?”
 //
 Harry had started dreaming of home, the staring in the street, dishes washing themselves in the Burrow, Hogwarts lake dark and silky as eels. He couldn’t tell what had brought this on, only that he was now driving into town every day to talk to Ginny, and now Ron, Hermione, even Neville were coming to the phone.
 “They miss you” Andromeda said, unprompted, drinking muggle wine on the deck one night after dinner, “Molly wrote last week asking if you mentioned when you’d be coming back.”
 “Oh,” Harry said, because he couldn’t think of anything else. “Do you think you’ll come back?”
 The question hung between them. Terrible thought: Teddy never back in England, Teddy growing up where Harry couldn’t see him.
 “I will.” She looked back at him, unbearably, and it was everything that went unsaid. 
 “How?” Harry asked, unthinking.
 Andromeda looked back out the window, the pressing dark, the unbearable heat. Even after all this time, making dinner, sitting on the dark deck, weeding the garden, she was still unreadable. Grief undid you in layers.
 “Because Nymphadora would want me to.” She said, simply. “Because I want her to think I’m brave.”
 //
 The post office shuts for a week because Millie goes out of town, and the place is small enough that that means it’s not open till she gets back. Harry makes it four days before apparating hundreds of miles away, almost splinching himself in the heat, dizzy from lack of practise, and stumbling to a payphone at the side of a highway. 
 Click. “Didn’t expect to hear from you so soon.”
 “Yeah, I went out of town to call.”
 “Out of town huh? Miss me that much?” Ginny’s voice, joking.
 Unbelievably, Harry thought. “Yeah well, Teddy isn’t much of a conversationalist.”
 “Don’t let him hear you say that, you’ll knock his confidence.”
 “He’ll get past it. How are you?”
 “Fine. Well– actually, you won’t believe what happened at practise on Thursday, I hope you’re sitting down–“
 “I’m not–” Harry grinned
 “Squat then,” Ginny said blithely, “because Jacqueline has actually gone full bonkers–“
 //
 “My parents say its incredible “ Hermione’s voice, the only person in his life who spoke in a normal tone on the phone
.
“Yeah, we’ve been actually.” Harry didn’t have the heart to tell her that Teddy had found the Great Ocean Road blindingly boring and had only made it an hour in before him and Andromeda had decided it wasn’t worth the screaming anymore.
 “Yeah, Mum and Dad were thinking of coming down, doing it again.”
 Harry played along, “Yeah?”
 “Yeah.” She was endearingly fake-casual, “Maybe Ron and I would come too.”
 “Ron wants to drive 150 miles along a stretch of boring road with your parents?”
 “You didn’t say it was boring.”
 “Slip of the tongue,” Harry smiled, “What about the Ministry? And the shop?”
 “We’re thinking about doing travelling.”
 “The year we spent in a tent in various country-sides not enough?”
 “Funnily enough seeing the sights wasn’t top of mind then.”
 Harry smiled darkly, “If we’re going travelling let’s do Italy, or America, or something. Soon. Somewhere none of us have ever been.”
 Hermione left it a beat too long for it to be a normal silence, “I heard Italy is beautiful, the history there is incredible…”
 Harry could almost hear talking to Ron later: “and then he said if we’re going travelling, ‘we’re’, Ron! And ‘soon’! he thinks he’ll be travelling with us ‘soon’!. And Ron, “so you didn’t ask when he’s coming back then?, and then Hermione: “didn’t you hear? soon! He said soon!”   
 //
  He was walking back to the car from the post office one day, Teddy plodding beside him infatuated with a passing goose, with Ginny’s voice still swimming around him, the sound of Ron telling her to shut up, pass the receiver, I’ve got to tell him the Cannons score, and he walked into the travel agents and booked one-way ticket to England for next week. Just like that.  
 Stupid, really, how he heard their voices all the time (walking in the street, making a sandwich, fixing the plumbing) but had never made the connection. He was in the street like always, hearing the call all again, and thought I wish they were here for real, and then walked into the air-conditioning and pulled out his chequebook. It really was that easy. The goose was still outside when he left holding his ticket, Teddy squirming to get closer to it with a full-on beak that Harry was trying to hide with one hand.
 Home soon Harry thought the whole drive home, the thought expanding in his chest, the window open, his hair blowing everywhere– longer than it had ever been. Even when he got back to the farm, told Andromeda (who promised to follow in a year), made dinner, went to bed, he imagined he would feel different. Something huge and unfelt before, but really everything was the the same as ever. He just missed them, is all. He was learning that sometimes love really was that simple, that it was reason enough.
 //
 “I read that people sometimes make signs at airports.”
 Harry smiled, phone cord wrapped around his palm. “Saying what?”
 “Guess you’ll find out tomorrow.”
 “Oh, God.”
 “Don’t worry, no magic involved. We don’t want to alarm the muggles. Luna asked if she could bring her lion hat but Hermione got intervened.”
 “Luna’s coming?”
 “Yes, duh. Everyone is. It’s been a year a half.”
 Harry, who had had visions of kissing Ginny ridiculously for an hour in front of the plane, adjusted his expectations.
 Ginny, as usual, reading his mind: “Don’t worry. I’ve briefed Ron that I’ll still be kissing you senseless so he had better start getting over it.”
 Harry grinned, “Bet he loved that.”
 “He called me a cocksucker, and then I pointed out that actually I hadn’t been in a year and a half–“
 “Gin!” 
 “–and he said my name exactly like that, yeah.”
 Harry couldn’t stop laughing, bright red in the post office for the last time as Millie shushed him, “You are unbelievable.”
 “Well, believe me.” she said, dryly, “I’ll be seeing you in 29 hours.”
 Harry, also counting, ducked his head, grinning. It turned out all his best luck was waiting at this part of his life, who knew. Thank God, Thank God, Thank God. 
 “I’m going to be totally unusable, you know. The flight’s twenty-one hours.”
 “Yeah, you’re an idiot. I know you’re on a whole no-magic kick but this really is the limit. What are you going to eat?”
 “Hermione says they serve eggs and stuff.”
 “Wow, really? How?”
 Harry considered. “I actually have no idea. Maybe please bring some chips or something to the airport.”
 Ginny laughed, the best sound in the world, “Only if you bring me some eggs.”
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gb-patch · 3 years
Text
Ask Answers: April 13th, 2021
And we’re back again with more replies so soon, haha. Thank you for the asks!
Your game literally saved me this hell ass year. Thank you so much for the most perfect piece of art I've ever laid eyes on 😫 ... Do you guys have a rough idea when step 3 DLC will be released? I hope I'm not coming off as rude. I just really really love your game.
I’m sorry for the late reply on this! You might’ve already seen the answer by now, but the Step 3 DLC is coming out on the 16th. We’re almost there :D
This may be a silly question but did Jeremy's parents ever find out that Pran had lied about his age and if so, when/how? :3
Pran came clean to them after a couple of years, when he felt secure enough that it wouldn’t ruin the relationship. The Kings were a little embarrassed, the dad more than the mom, but they’re quite good at brushing past those kind of mistakes so it was all water under the bridge pretty fast.
hi! i know you’ve answered a question about alterations in the our life moments by playing them in different orders, but i was wondering if there was a canon order that the moments for each step happen in? i figure with such a customizable game the “canon” timeline for the moments is whatever order the player completes them in, for example in step 1, i like playing the runaway moment pretty early, since cove trying to run away early in summer makes more sense to me personally. thanks!
Yeah, there’s no canon order we’d insist on. Whatever you like can be the official route for you! And that’s a neat way to look at that event.
What if your character isn’t that into physical contact but still wants to be in a relationship with Cove? Would he be offended if you shy away or something along those lines?
He wouldn’t be. Cove knows how hard that can be and is very understanding. If you set his initiative to low, the game always checks to make sure if you want to be touched or not rather than assuming that you do. And if you do choose that you don’t want to, there’s no stress or drama about it. Cove will just say that’s okay!
Hellu! First off, I want to thank you all for such a wonderful game, it's been the best feel-good game I've ever stumbled upon and I can't express enough how much it has meant to me. Second, I've seen lots of people having trouble with making Cove confess before MC which makes me wonder if people will have the same problem in the dlc when you can propose to him. Is it possible to post a guide for that as well when it no longer could count as a spoiler? Again, thanks for such a beautiful game <3
I’m really happy you had such a nice time with it c:. We’ll answer questions about it on tumblr/in the discord if they come up and, if need be, we’ll find somewhere to upload a guide.
Do we get steam key from buying dlc on itch io?
I’m afraid not. That’d be unfair to those who get it on Steam. Plus, Steam isn’t super cool with giving out thousands of keys to be handed out for free on other sites anymore. They can refuse to give us the keys if they feel we’re trying to take advantage of their system.
hi! so if we reject cove's confession in step 3, can we still have MC and cove get together in step 4?
You can confess to him, yeah. But Cove won’t ever try confessing again if the MC turns him down in Step 3.
What if MC acts like someone Cove doesn't like, like Lizzie or Baxter lol
You can’t do what Lizzie or Baxter does to make Cove dislike them. You can play the game and try, but it doesn’t work out. The MC is just too compatible with Cove if you’re fond/crush/love, haha.
Hi! I absolutely love your game, I love the characters they’re all so amazing, thank you for the game haha
I was wondering if you would get the NSFW DLC no matter what Patreon level you were at, or if you would could get it at any level? :)
&
What pateron tier do we need to get the 18+ content for Our Life? It's my new favourite game, keep up the good work!
It will eventually be available at the $5 tier and anything above that! Glad you both like OL ^^
On a scale from 1 (being the worst) to 10, how well do the XOXO jerk squad including JB handle horror?
JB: 8
Everett: 5
Nate: 4
Shiloh: 10
Bae: 10
Jeremy: 8 for non-gore horror, 2 for gory horror
Pran: 9
hello!! i was wondering if any of the boys from the Jerksquad would ever wear a skirt/dress?
None of them wear skirts/dresses out of personal preference. But if there was some kind of reason where they had to do it, none would be that bothered.
How does the jerk squad feel about Christmas? 
Everett: He fucking loves it. That’s the best time of year.
Nate: Commercialized nonsense.
Shiloh: It’s wonderful! So he claims.
Bae: He likes it quite a bit, but only for the joy it brings children/family. He thinks that’s sweet but is too mature to be whipped up into a festive fervor himself.
Jeremy: It’s awful.
Pran: He hates it.
does cove have any pet allergies? yes I know this is a little weirdly specific
He doesn’t! The lucky boy isn’t allergic to any animal.
Very important question: Would Lee and a musical-theatre loving MC run around belting Into The Unknown from Frozen 2? Because I feel that they would 
Probably, haha.
This might seem like a dumb question, so I’m sorry, but with the Derek DLC are we gonna get to hang out with him in person instead of just calling him in step 3? 
The Derek DLC adds events in Step 2 and Step 4. It’s part of his story that you don’t really get to be around him in Step 3. But you don’t need to apologize for wondering!
hello! i'd like to ask if it's possible to play the android version of the game with the dlcs after buying the dlcs from steam. i wasn't expecting my android version to have my dlcs since i bought them from steam, but it had my step 2 dlc for some reason. is this a glitch or does the apk actually detect what dlcs you already have on your pc? if so, how come i don't have the step 1 dlc appearing on android? thanks!
That is some kind of glitch. It isn’t possible for the Android DLCs to be unlocked by having them on PC. Maybe in one of the old builds we accidentally didn’t lock the Step 2 DLC properly. Sorry for the confusion!
Does Derek and Baxter have canon sexualities? Will Derek still flirts with the MC regardless of their gender?
They’re both pansexual and can like the MC regardless of what gender they have.
I was wondering if Miranda had a crush on Cove in Step 3? I'm not sure why, but I got those vibes from her?
She thinks of him only as a friend. Cove isn’t her type, haha.
This is probably a dumb hope, but I hope Cliff find someone he loves after Cove is grown up and everything. Or at the very least he has someone he's very close with after Cove leaves. 
That’s a really sweet thought to have. Cliff stays single, but he’s graysexual and not-particularly romantically inclined. He only dated when he was really young ‘cause that’s what everyone did. Family and friend relationships are more important to him, and he has plenty of that in his life ^^.
Heya! I was curious if there might be a nickname system in N&F? I kind of pull an Elizabeth when I play and choose a different variation of a name like having Rosie in step one and changing it to Rose in step two, then maybe Rosetta in step three for example, but it also feels a little bit odd being scolded using my nickname hehe. That's all I was wondering about, thank you for your time and the wonderful games!
We are hoping to include the option to go by a nickname in Our Life: Now & Forever. But nothing has been programmed yet, so we can’t 100% guarantee it, haha.
Just curious, what would Liz's and Cove's relationship be if MC wasn't around? I feel like they wouldn't get along as well as they do now, especially during the first and second step 
They’d definitely have a lot of friction growing up and they’d likely avoid each other as much as possible. Once they were both older, I imagine they’d be decent neighbor acquaintances. But they still wouldn’t be nearly as close as they are with the MC bringing Cove into things.
What do the customizable eyes look like in the game? Do they look as they are in the creating avatar section? Or do they look different when actually playing the game?
That’s up to you! The doll is just meant to be a general idea. You can apply it to your imagined MC as much or as little as you prefer.
Did Cove go through a "phase" during his adolescence? I don't really wanna headcanon it so I wonder if there's anything (cringy) canon since we missed out on the ages of 14-17 hahaha
Not really, aha. 14-17 Cove is pretty recognizable to his 13 and 18 year old self.
Hello! I'm sorry to bother you, especially with all the messages you get. I was just wondering if the religious wedding venue was exclusive to a church or if there will be different religions of weddings? Also, I love this VN so much, it's so well written and every character is so amazing, thank you for making such a beautiful game.
The church is treated as a historic building rather than anything actively religious, but it’s not the only option like that. There’s a historic synagogue and stuff too! And that’s really nice of you to say <3.
How differently would it play out If MC told their moms about the 20$ deal back when it happened? 
They wouldn’t have been happy and would’ve been far more skeptical of Cliff, aha. But they wouldn’t want to keep Cove away from the MC, so it wouldn’t have been too different in the long run.  
Hello may I ask what Cove's favorite fudge/ice cream flavor would be? Its alright if its not answered 
He appreciates them all, but his top favorites would be the fruit flavored ones and the ones with nuts.
Hi! I really wanted to make mc's house in a game and tried really hard to figure out the floor plan, but I wondered if you have the floor plan of the mc's house so that i can try again with more accuracy?
Thank you a lot for this game, i loved it a lot! (my first play took me 8 hours lol)
I’m really sorry, we don’t have anything like that. But at least you can headcanon that what you did is correct and nothing can prove it wrong, haha.
Hello,I recently started playing lake of voices (I put it off for a long while since I’m usually not very good with horror) and I’m really happy I did!I’m a big fan of your games in general and lake of voices was absolutely great as well.I loved the characters and the dark setting of it,I adored the beautiful art and music and the story was great too,sometimes unsettling and sometimes very sweet.My favorite Route in the game was definitely Lu,I liked his character and was really shocked and distraught by his Route at least two times.I didn’t see the plot twist(s) coming at all!
Besides these ramblings I’ve also wanted to ask if you still remember how to get the lower two CGs on page 5?I seem to always miss them and would appreciate any help.Anyways I hope I wasn’t too much of a bother and I wish the devs a great day!:)
Thank you for all the kind words <3. You get those DLCs by going through the end of the Guide’s character path. You can use the guides on Steam to help you find it/reach the end!
—– —– —– —–
Thank you again for all of these questions :D
We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog
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heyitsjay03 · 3 years
Text
Fighting for Tomorrow
AN: This is my first fanfiction I’ve ever posted on here and I’m a little nervous lol. I just hope you guys have as much fun reading this as I did writing this. 
Disclaimer: I do not own AOT and all rights go to the owners! 
Reiner x Reader, eventual Captain Levi x Reader, Sasha x Sister!Reader
Word Count: 8.3k words
TW: arranged marriage, blood/gore, swearing/adult language, mild sexual content
---------
You can read parts two, three, and four! Just tap on the number you want :)
   There’s a prolonged poke on my cheek, “Are you awake?”
   My eyes slowly open, wincing slightly at the sunlight fighting through my curtains. A black-haired, green-eyed little boy sits on my bed- face just centimeters from mine. There’s another poke. “Well? Are you?”
   “Eren,” I groan, rolling over in my bed and pulling the sheets up over my head. “How did you even get into my house?”
   “You leave your window unlocked every night,” he says simply, as if it were common knowledge. He’s not wrong… I can only imagine how many people know about my window. I shudder. Maybe I should start locking up more. 
   “Fine, but that doesn’t mean you can just… jump through it. What would your mother think?” 
   “She doesn’t care.”
   I roll back over and give him a hard stare before he slumps over. “I guess she does,” he mumbles, picking at the sheets on my bed. “But Mikasa’s with me so it’s not as bad.”
   “Where-?” I sit up, throwing the sheets off of me. “Did you bring Armin, too, Eren?” I ask exasperatedly as I tuck my arms close to my chest and search my room. 
   Eren nods, “They’re outside keeping watch.”
   “Keeping watch for who?”
   “For-”
   “Eren!” 
   The soft voice comes from just outside my window. We both turn towards it and watch as Mikasa’s face pops into the sill. 
   By the walls, how did I manage to end up babysitting these three maniacs? 
   “He’s coming!” Armin’s voice strains. I hurry to the window and see Armin giving a knee-up to Mikasa, his pale face slightly pink with exertion. 
   “Who’s coming?” I ask, turning to Eren.
   I don’t get a response. There’s someone’s footsteps crunching towards my front door. A single glance to the kids tells me they really, really don’t want to face whoever it is. I grip Mikasa under her arms and pull her through the window before snatching Armin’s collar and tugging him through the window. The two scramble to their feet- Armin taking longer than Mikasa- and hurry to Eren’s side. 
   There’s a pounding knock at my door, followed by a man yelling for me. Eren and Armin clutch my arms and slightly tuck their faces into the silk of my nightgown. Mikasa remains steady and calm- her grey eyes trained on the door. 
   The man steps back from the door, peering in the window just above my sink. I know his face all too well. It’s Tobias Walker. He searches the house, face pressed slightly against the glass.
   “What in the walls did you three do this time?” I mutter, hurrying to the front door. They remain at my side as I open the door. 
   Smiling warmly, I greet Tobias. “Hello Tobias,” I hum, “I wasn’t expecting you to visit until later on.”
   My fiancé forces a smile, staring down at the kids. “...I was… Just… looking for you four.”
   “Why?”
   Tobias takes off his cap, twisting it in his fists nervously. Slowly, he tears his eyes away from them. “These three have been pestering me at work again,” he mutters venomously. “Darling.” He says this sweetly and quickly- an afterthought, an attempt to curry favor for his side of the story. 
   Two can play at that game. “Really, Tobias? They’re just children- what can they possibly do that can distract my dedicated fiancé from his business?” 
    He stammers, running a hand across his forehead. He’s a mess. His tanned skin is slightly red, black hair slightly frayed and mussed. Sweat drips down his face, trailing his jawline. It’s a shame I didn’t know him before this whole ordeal. Maybe we would’ve come together on our own, who knows. 
   “__________, please,” he tries pleading with me before realizing the words that came out of his mouth. He stands up straighter, eyebrows and lips forced into straight lines. “I won’t be begging,” he mutters in an attempt to be firm. He stares down at the kids. “And they’re coming with me.”
   The small grips on my nightgown tighten. 
   “I’m sorry, Tobias,” I hum, rubbing the heads of each of the kids with a warm smile to each of them. My gaze turns back to the man in the doorway. “But there’s been some misunderstanding. Doctor Yeager had sent them to me. They brought me some of the stuff needed for the ceremony.”
   “I- We don’t need stuff for the ceremony-”
   “Are you rejecting the kindness of one of the town’s benefactors?”
   “Well, no-”
   “Did you want to spend extra money on the flowers and the arrangements?”
   “I don’t need charity-”
   A breathy laugh leaves my lips. “Tobias, you’re not thinking clearly. The Doctor had personally gone out of his way to tell me. He was on his way to work in Wall Sina when he stopped and told me he was sending stuff from his home to us. He didn’t even leave five minutes ago!” 
   It wasn’t entirely a lie. Doctor Yeager had told me of his business in another wall- the exact one was lost on me. I just wasn’t sure if he had left or not.
   Tobias gulps, eyeing me and then the kids. My hands find my hips and I tilt my head to the side slightly, “...now- how is it possible that they carried their packages all the way to the other side of town, pestered you, and then made it back across town within five minutes?”
   Tobias goes quiet, his mouth opening and closing like a trout. My eyebrow raises as I await his answer. His head twitches to the side and the grip on his cap grows tighter. “...I’m telling you-”
   “And I am telling you that you, in your infinite wisdom, are wrong. Now, I’m sure the factory is completely lost without you so I’d suggest getting a move on.” I push his chest slightly and close the door. The four of us strain our ears, listening to the tell-tale crunches in the dirt as he walks away from the house. I can hear him muttering, the fence slamming behind him. 
   Eren and Armin release their grips and sigh. Eren turns to look at me, eyes shining. I shake my head, “You’re not out of the clear yet, so you three go sit down and tell me what you were doing.”
   Eren stares dumbfounded at me, mouth slightly open. My eyebrow arches and he stands firmly in his spot. Armin grabs his arm, tugging him to the table. He practically throws Eren into a chair and takes another seat. Mikasa sits to Eren’s right, still silent and stoic.
   My arms cross over my chest as I stare at the lot of them. Mikasa’s fiddling with the red scarf around her neck and Armin doesn’t meet my gaze. Even Eren pretends to be interested in the grooves in the wood table in front of him. 
   “Well? What were you three doing in the factory? Haven’t I told you three to just leave it alone? It’s happening, whether any of us want it to or not.”
   “But it shouldn’t happen!” Eren erupts, slamming his palm to the table. My flower vase filled with wildflowers spins like a small dancer; stems arms stretched to a spotlight. The shaking of the vase echoes around the stillness of the kitchen. “He’s forcing you into a cage!”
   “He isn’t forcing me into anything, Eren,” I say quietly. “I made my choice.”
   “What were the options?” He snaps again, eyebrows drawn together to create fierce ridges that look out of place on a face so young. 
   I stay silent, focusing on keeping my breathing steady. I can feel my teeth biting down into the inside of my bottom lip, the tightness in my shoulders and back. Armin and Mikasa pull on Eren’s sleeves to pull him down into his chair. Eren shrugs them off, “He’s forcing you into something you don’t want- into a cage!”
   “Eren!” Armin hisses incredulously, his soft-blue eyes widening. “She’s an adult- you can’t talk to her like that!”
   “It’s okay, Armin,” I say softly, walking to the chair across from the three of them. “I should explain everything… Seeing as the three of you will probably find out one way or another.”
   Eren huffs, slamming himself back down against his chair. Their eyes remain fixated on me- each pair simultaneously gleaming with curiosity and boiling with rage. I groan softly, running a hand through my long, ________ hair. It catches on a few tangled naps. “I didn’t realise I was going to be explaining such a heavy topic so early in the morning,” I mutter, getting back up and walking to the cupboards. 
   “It’s past noon,” Mikasa states, earning an indignant ‘don’t say that!’ from Armin. 
   “Fantastic,” I breathe out, pulling the dusty, colored-glass bottle from the back of the cupboard. “Then I don’t feel so bad doing this.” I undo the stopper- a sweet smell wafting in the air behind the cork- and take a long swig. 
   Shuffling back to the table, I tuck the bottle back under my chair. “There’s no easy way to explain to three children,” I mumble, “But I know you’re all much brighter than your age. So… I’ll just start at the beginning,”
   “I was born in a small cabin in the woods of Wall Rose. My family were hunters and gatherers- we lived off the land like our ancestors before us. It was a… ‘simplistic’ type of living and I didn’t have the luxuries I have now but… It was honest living. We took from the land only what we needed and gave it back as best we could,”
   “There were people who looked down on us. Calling us… ‘out-dated’ and ‘backwards’. Maybe it was the way we dressed or how we lived or how we talked- whatever it was, they didn’t like us much... I got older and they had my little sister and I had started going to school in the village. I… I felt… it was awful- school. I was called awful things because of the way my family and I lived. I was an outcast and… So, I- ...I changed,”
   “I fixed my hair and bought makeup from the traders in the village. I mimicked the way my classmates talked and stopped going hunting with my father and sister. Eventually… Eventually I was accepted. I was a part of the group now,”
   “And I got even older and dreamed about leaving the village- to see what the other walls had in store and to leave behind the archaic ways of my family. That was when my family had their first run-in with Tobias. He wanted our land- to cultivate and grow grain for his factories. My family declined but he isn’t the type to take ‘no’ for an answer. He found out about my family’s money issues and… And he came to me. Tobias told me he knew and that he had a plan that would make everything go away.”
    I stop, my words catching in my throat. My hands turn about in the air before my finger taps against my lips in an attempt to coax my words out. Closing my eyes, I inhale deeply.
   “I couldn’t just… let my family suffer- you know that, right?” I ask hopefully, “We were suffering. We were starving and my mother was weak and my father was sick- what else could I have done?” I was rambling now and I knew it. I run a hand through my hair, tears pricking the edges of my eyes. 
   “So I told them I had a plan to get us out of debt and out of suffering. Tobias has to marry me. When Tobias marries me, he will be in charge of the land and will assume the debt. He’ll pay the debt off with the profit from the factory and then he’ll let us have three-quarters of it while he takes me and a quarter of land to be his…”
   “Prize,” Mikasa finishes for me. 
   My eyes flick up to hers. The boys do the same, taken aback by her words. I couldn’t even scold her- she was right. I was a prize to be won and that’s exactly what happened. I was won. 
   Her steel-grey eyes are unwavering as she looks at me. It was difficult to read Mikasa but being here for this long has taught me a few things about her. And right now, she was staring at me in pity. 
   “...the deal was struck and I was taken here to Shiganshina. A few weeks after moving in, I got myself a job working for Doctor Yeager as his assistant and apprentice until the day when I can succeed him... And that is when I met you three.”
   Eren looks about ready to burst at the seams- jaw tight, teeth gritted, eyebrows drawn, fists clenched. I reach out and place a hand softly onto his, smiling warmly. “This was my choice, Eren,” I hum, “And there’s nothing anyone can do about it. It’s been planned for almost two years now and the ceremony’s tomorrow. After that… Everything will be taken care of- the debt, my family, the land…”   I sigh. “And I can’t lie and say it’s not a nice living that I have here. I have a home and running water and a warm bed and you three knuckleheads to make my day better.” 
   Armin turns a light shade of pink, smiling bashfully. Mikasa even cracks a small smile. But Eren…
   I sigh again and run a hand through my hair. “Eren, please understand. If you were in the same situation- if Doctor Yeager got sick and your mother was too tired to take care of herself. If you had to look after Mikasa on your own… There’s nothing you wouldn’t do in that situation.”
   Eren opens his mouth and then closes it, his hands finding his hair and tugging slightly on the ends. “It’s… It’s not... fair.”
   “You’re right,” I mumble, “It isn’t fair. I should be able to make my own way but… Eren, life isn’t fair.”
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   “Are you coming?” Eren yells, charging head-on into the crowd of market-goers. Mikasa hurries after him, weaving expertly through the bodies without hitting a single one.
   “We are!” I yell back with a smile, standing on my toes to see the two pop out on the other side of the crowd. Eren stumbles, falling to his knees. Mikasa stops almost immediately and reaches down to him, offering a hand. Eren gets to his feet on his own. Dusting his jeans, he looks up at Armin and I on the other side of the crowd. 
   “Miss Braus?” Armin calls softly, gripping my skirt as we elbow past the bodies in the square. It wouldn’t be this hard if I wasn’t cursed to standing only 160 centimeters. 
   “It’s __________, Armin,” I laugh, squeezing us between two very upset men arguing over the price of meat. “I’m only a few years older than you- you make it sound like I’m some school-teacher.”
   “Why did Mister Walker choose to help your family? If he had just waited, he could’ve bought the land from the bank when they-” he stops himself. 
   We push through to the other side of the crowd. Eren leads us on towards the grassy hills while Mikasa stays on his heels. I sigh, shaking my head. “I have a lot of theories but… None of them make much sense.”
   “...do you think he knew you before? Maybe he was a classmate or a family friend?”
   “I didn’t pay that much attention in school, Armin,” I laugh, “I taught myself a lot more from books than the village wanted a woman to learn.”
   They may have called us backwards but they were the ones focused on the forced submission of the townswomen. Sexist swine.
   “Well… If he did know you, maybe he likes you.”
   My head turns down to face him. His porcelain skin has managed to grow almost completely pink as he realises what he’s just said. Stammers of apologies come stuttering out of his lips as he hastily attempts to take back his words. I smile and shake my head, placing my lips to his golden hair. “You may be right, Armin. You always were bright.”
   “...do you think you could ever love him?”
   We trudge up the hill, breezes running between our legs and through our hair. Mikasa is already at the top, sitting down as she watches a breathless Eren climb up the grassy knoll. I place a hand on the sunhat on my head, securing it as the breeze teases it off my head. 
   Could I ever love him?
   I try to see myself standing in the doorway of our home. Holding a baby on my hip, my other hand grips a child's hand. Tobias walks up the street and grins as the child breaks away and runs to him. Tobias picks up the child and walks into the doorway, pressing his lips to mine. 
   It’s all so... unnatural. 
   Tobias wants roots. I want freedom. I could never be a housewife. I want excitement and passion and unpredictability. He wants me to… To be his little trophy he can take down and polish after a long day at work. Something he can flaunt at dinner parties and work gatherings. 
   I’ve debated this a lot these past two years- whether or not I could love him. And the answer was always the same. 
   “No, Armin. I could never love him.”
   I sit at the base of the tree, soaking up the sun. It’s not hot- just pleasantly warm. Eren’s attempting to climb said tree after managing to convince Mikasa that he won’t fall. Mikasa directs him on his foot placement but I can hear the scraping of the undersides of his shoes as he slips down the bark once again. Armin has fallen asleep on my lap- golden hair stretched out on the mesh fabric of my dress. There’s an illustrated book splayed out beside me that flutters between pages in the wind. Something Armin had gotten from his grandfather, I’m sure. Clouds roll lazily above us, white and pure. They don’t dare to touch the sun. They just float past it- allowing the warmth to uninterruptedly soak the ground beneath us. 
   ...I wish Sasha were here. 
   “__________!” Eren’s voice calls from above me. 
   I turn, seeing Eren swinging from a tree branch. A laugh leaves my lips as I see Mikasa’s head pop right next to his. “Are you two having fun?” Mikasa gives me a quick nod as Eren nods much more enthusiastically. “Well, search the tree quickly. You still have to go grab firewood for your mother.”
   “Aw, c’mon,” Eren huffs, “You can’t let us go one day without chores?”
   “Miss Carla is as much of my boss as Mister Grisha. If she says you need to get firewood, you’re getting firewood.”
   Eren sighs and stops swinging on the tree branch, returning to stand on the base. I can hear leaves shaking as they climb further up. A few break off the branches and float down into Armin’s hair. I pluck them out and let the wind take them from between my fingers. Inhaling the wildflower-smelling air, I seriously debate joining Armin in taking a nap. 
   “__________!” Eren screams. 
   My eyes shoot back open and I’m on my feet. “What is it? Eren? Mikasa? Are you hurt?”
   “The Scouts are back!” Eren yells. There’s more tree-branch-shaking. “They’re back! __________, can we go see them?”
   “We- You-” I stop and inhale deeply as my heart continues hammering against my chest. “You scared me!” I snap, arms crossing over my chest. 
   Eren- with twigs and leaves in his hair- appears at the base of the tree again. He jumps off, colliding to the ground with a thud as he lands on his side. Mikasa does the same, landing perfectly. Eren’s back on his feet in seconds, wiping his clothes of the dirt. “Well?” He asks, “Can we?”
   “We haven’t gathered our firewood,” Mikasa points out, pulling the twigs and leaves from his hair. “Your mother told us we needed to gather firewood.”
   “The firewood’s still gonna be here when we get back,” Eren says back, shooting Mikasa a look. “Please, __________? I swear I’ll get everything done.”
   Armin’s up now- woken up by the commotion. He rubs his eyes and sits up. “Eren’s not wrong. The firewood won’t go anywhere,” he mumbles sleepily. 
   Sighing, I roll my eyes. “You’re gonna get everything done?”
   “Yes, I swear.”
   “And you aren’t gonna forget about it?”
   “No.”
   “And you won’t have Mikasa do it for you?”
   “I don’t have Mikasa do everything for me!”
   “...Eren… She does it whether or not you ask.”
   “Fine. I won’t have Mikasa do it for me.”
   “...okay then,” I smile, holding out my hand for Eren and Mikasa to hold. “Let’s go see the Scouts.”
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   I wish I hadn’t said yes to this. As much as I admire them and wish to be them… The Scouts are a mess. Almost everyone is bloodied and each has that look in their eye- the blank stare so wide you can almost see the carnage replaying behind them. There’s bloodied bandages in the street, being pounded into the cobble by the horses. Groans of agony and wailing fill the street. Something deep in my stomach churns as a man with an arm missing holds a bloody Scouts cape in his hands. 
   There were nearly a hundred that left. 
   There can’t be more than twenty that came back.
   I can only wonder if it all is worth it. 
   Of course it is. What am I thinking? Pushing those beasts back, reclaiming the land that humanity used to populate and cultivate… It is worth it but… Damn, if it isn’t a high price to pay. 
   Eren jumps up and down to look over the people’s shoulders. Frustrated, he huffs and takes off further down the street. The rest of us follow. My hand wrapped in Armin’s, I let him lead me behind the crowd. Even as my hat flies away, I can’t take my eyes off the Scouts. 
   We come to a stop and Eren climbs up a stack of boxes. Mikasa and Armin do the same, sitting down beside Eren. I stand on the lowest box to see inside the wagon a pair of horses are pulling. 
   It’s bodies.
   Not dead ones, either. There are soldiers in there- sandwiched together and nearly screaming in pain. Blood coats every inch of the wagon. The bodies in the wagon wail for a medic, for help. 
   I feel myself pushing through the crowd, running for the wagon. “I can help!” I yell, “I can help!”
   A surly soldier turns to me, eyeing me venomously. “Who the hell are you?” 
   “I’m __________ Braus,” I answer, “I work for Doctor Yeager.”
   The soldier scoffs and shakes his head. “They’re going to Wall Maria-”
   “They’ll die before they get there!”
   I can feel the crowd’s eyes on us now. My breathing grows unsteady and rigid as I stare at the soldier. He’s tall- maybe it was his horse or maybe it was actually him but he towers over me either way. A bandage covers the side of his head and I can see blood seeping through. His eyes are a paled-brown and dirt coats his stubbled skin. 
   “What’s the issue here, Weinfeld?” A voice behind me asks. There’s a huff of air that goes down my back. I turn and face a brown stallion. My eyes trail even further to the man sitting on top of it. My blood grows still as I realize who it is.
   “C-Captain Erwin, I-”
   “If this woman wants to help tend our wounded, why are you stopping her?”
   “Well, she-”
   “She offered her services to help prevent us from losing even more soldiers. Let her help.”
   “Y… Yes, sir.”
   “Miss?”
   My eyes snap up to him. Blond hair, blue eyes. Broad shoulders and commanding height. Blood coats his emerald-green cape. I can see the insignia of the Scout Regiment sewn into the chest, even if it is filthy. 
   “Yes, sir?”
   ���What do you need to help them?”
   My nerves fade away and I roll my sleeves. “I need more hands. And any medical supplies you can give me. Even shirts, capes- those can work for the time being, too.”
   The Captain nods and I hurry to catch up to the wagon. As it’s moving, I jump onto the back and swing my legs over the side. The smell of flesh and blood is putrid here. The blood has seeped into the wood- making it smell metallic and rotten. Flesh smells like it had been left out for days… I could only imagine that being the truth. 
   “Please, miss,” someone groans, “Please help me.” The chorus of damned souls begins again, even louder now. Bodies shift and turn to face the new ray of hope.
   I reach down, tearing off the layer of silk fabric beneath the mesh. Tying it around my face, running footsteps come up behind us. “Ma’am!” Someone calls, “The Captain said you needed help!”
   “Get in here,” I snap, taking off the moonstone ring around my finger and tucking it into my bra.
   Three men pull themselves into the wagon. One starts to heave as the smell hits his nose. “If you’re going to vomit, do it over the side and get someone else to replace you,” I state, “If you can’t handle the smell, you’re not gonna like what we do next.”
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   “Miss!” The man on the opposite side of the wagon calls, “The blood’s not stopping!”
   “Lift the stump up!” I yell back, “Make sure you keep it elevated.”
   I turn back to the man trembling in my hands. “Okay, what’s your name, soldier?”
   His chapped lips part slowly, a cough passing his lips before his words. “...Louis.”
   “Okay, Louis, you’re gonna be alright but I need to do something that’s not gonna be fun.” Louis nods slowly. “I’m gonna put this in your mouth for you to bite down on. It’s just a piece of fabric.” He nods again, opening his mouth. 
   I look around to the other men. One’s still holding up the bleeding stump of a man’s leg across the wagon, attempting to fashion some sort of holder for it. Another is wrapping bandages around a woman’s arm that dangles at an impossible angle. The last one lays a body down on the wagon floor and stands back up. 
   “You!” I yell, gesturing to the last man and waving him over. “I need you for something.”
   The man walks over the bodies to me, his black hair brushing into his steel eyes. “What is it?” he asks flatly. 
   “You’re going to hold him down by the shoulders while I pour this on his wound.”
   The man doesn’t say anything but positions himself at Louis’ shoulders, pressing down. The bottle in my hands was alcohol- something someone from the crowd offered. Pulling down the silk around my face, I unstopper the bottle with my teeth. Standing with a foot on either side of Louis, I look down at the man at his shoulders. “You ready?”
   The man nods once. 
   I lower myself onto Louis’ legs, peeling back his bloodied shirt. A two bleeding lines run along his stomach. An image of a Titan grows in my mind, reaching out ravenously at Louis. A few centimeters more and he would’ve been caught. They’re deep cuts and they look like they’ve been left exposed for far too long. I shake my head, pressing my weight down against his legs. It’s time. 
   The liquid flows out of the tipped glass, pouring into the crimson grooves in Louis’ skin. Muffled screams pour out of his lips and his legs buck up underneath me. Wincing, I continue pouring. Agonized screams manage to fight through the fabric in his mouth as his whole body spasms.
   I tilt the bottle back upright and force the cork back into it. Louis is still thrashing about, causing blood to gush out of the wound. “Hey, Louis, Louis,” I mumble, leaning forward to look him in the eyes. They’re squeezed shut and his head turns from left to right wildly. “Louis!” I yell, grabbing him by the chin. “If you want to live, you need to hold as still as possible- do you understand me? If you move too much, you’ll lose too much blood and you’ll die. So sit there and stay still.”
   Louis nods frantically, his chest still heaving. Sweat pours down his face and I take my skirt and rip it again. Dabbing the fabric against his forehead, I look up to the man at his shoulders. “You take over,” I state, handing him the piece of fabric. “I’m gonna make something and you’re gonna hold it down on him, okay?”
   The man nods once again. He doesn’t seem comfortable talking. Not that I would either, surrounded by the bleeding half-rotted bodies of my comrades.
   “Good,” I mutter, gripping the fabric that makes up my sleeves. Pulling the fabric one way as I pull my arm the opposite way, the fabric rips and I wad it up. I do the same with my other sleeve and lift Louis’ shirt back up again. I place the fabric against the wounds and look up to the dark-haired man. “Come here- you need to put pressure into this. Don’t let go, okay? Just keep putting pressure.”
   The man nods and I get to my feet to check on everyone else.
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   There’s nothing else I can do with no proper supplies and I’m running out of fabric. My eyes drift down to my dress- or what’s left of it. It hangs around my legs a bloody, shredded mess that barely covers my upper thighs. 
   I can always buy another one. My eyes then turn to the lot of soldiers in the wagon. I can’t exactly replace these Scouts’ lives. 
   My eyes continue drifting until they land on each of the three men that helped me. The man holding the man’s stump- he’s Eld. The other one with the woman- Oluo.
   Eld hands me another soiled Scout cape and I hand him a less-soiled Scout cape. Leaning over the side of the wagon, I wring the cape in my hands. Sickly red liquid slicks down my hands and squelches down onto the passing cobblestone. The color of my skin is no longer visible- drowned out by the endless amounts of blood. 
   “Eld,” I mumble as I wring the cape dry. I’m hoping he can distract me from the cobblestone pavement I’m painting red. 
   “What’s it, __________?”
   “Who’s the other man?” I ask quietly, “The one with Louis?”
   Eld turns to look down the wagon before he laughs. “That’s Levi. Another one of us.”
   “He doesn’t talk much,” Oluo adds, “Don’t take it personally.”
   “I thought maybe it was… because of all this,” I smile crookedly and sit back down in the corner. The wagon tosses and jostles underneath us as we make our way to Wall Maria. “Maybe I’m just projecting. I’m certainly not as talkative as I usually am.”
   “You handled this well… All things considered,” Oluo huffs a laugh, “Ever thought about joining?”
   “You’re recruiting now?” Eld snaps, “Who in their right mind would want to join after seeing this?”
   Oluo shrugs, “Nobody in the Scouts are sane.”
   I clear my throat awkwardly and tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. “Well… if you’re ever back in Shiganshina- I’d be more than happy to sit you down and teach you some medical basics. It could end up saving a life.”
   Eld and Oluo both bow their heads gratefully. My eyes dart to Levi, who still remains keeping pressure on Louis’ wounds. “You’re also welcome to join us, Levi,” I smile. 
   He says nothing but nods once more. It’s better than nothing, I suppose. 
   Maria’s walls tower over us in the sunlight- stone reflecting light down onto us. I get back to my feet, rubbing a hand across my forehead. Almost immediately, I cringe at the feeling of slickness now on my skin. 
   Throwing one leg over the side of the wagon, I prepare myself to jump. “Where are you going?” Eld asks, getting to his feet.
   “You’re almost to Wall Maria and there’s nothing else I can really do without supplies and equipment. All you three need to do is make sure that stump is elevated, pressure stays held on Louis and that you three get back to me in Shiganshina for those drinks.”
   “Why can’t you stay?” Oluo asks, gesturing to the bodies around him. “If something goes wrong-”
   “If something goes wrong, I’m sure the rest of your regiment have doctors waiting on the other side of Maria. ‘sides, I left my kids back there. There’s no telling what they’re up to without me.”
   “You have kid-”
   Something cracks against the pale-blue sky. Yellow and green lightning pierce the tranquility, striking down just beyond Wall Maria. It disappears as fast as it came- leaving only a trail of white smoke in the sky.   “What was that?” I mumble, stepping back into the wagon. “Was that lightning…?”
   Eld and Oluo are on their feet now, staring at the sky. I can see their hands gripping their ODM controllers. Eyes wide, mouths slightly open we stare at the Wall. My breath is caught deep in my throat as we wait. As we watch.
   The wind kicks up. The former sweetness of wildflowers in the air is now nauseatingly saccharine. It elbows the steam out of the way- and then we see it.
   A hand. On the wall. 
   Stone crumbles beneath the muscle. Paradoxically slowly and quickly, a skinless head lifts up behind the wall. 
   …that’s impossible. 
   I want to believe it’s impossible, believe it’s just a facade but as I’m staring and as I hear Eld and Oluo whispering, I know. 
   There’s a Titan towering over Wall Maria.
   I waste no more time. Throwing my leg over the wagon again, I jump. Eld is the first to react, screaming at me to get back on the wagon. 
   “My kids! My family!” I scream back, sprinting towards town. “I can’t leave them!”
  And I keep running. Elbows and bodies are thrown into my chest. I keep running. Eren. Mikasa. Armin. Carla. Even Tobias. Massive chunks of stone collide beside me and that’s when I know the wall has been torn through. 
   And I keep running. Blood in my ears, blood on my face, blood on my hands- it all seems to burn and throb. Colors blur together in the edges of my vision. All I need to focus on is getting to them.
   I can hear the screams and the cries and the wailing and the bones snapping. And I keep running. I don’t have time to look. 
   There is blood everywhere. I can smell it. 
   My eyes catch him- a black-haired boy running straight into the crowd and towards the wall. A girl runs after him. Another boy, with blond hair, stands rigid in his spot. 
   Their names rip out of my body. “Eren! Mikasa! Armin!”
   Over and over again, they shred my lungs as I push towards them. My arms wrap around Armin and I spin him around to face me. My eyes dart between his, brushing hair from his face.
   “Armin, where are they going?”
   There is no response. Just a blank stare.
   “Armin! Where are they going!” I’m screaming now, shaking him at his shoulders. 
   “...home.”
   A shaky breath leaves my lips. “You need to run, Armin,” I mutter, turning him towards Wall Maria. “Do you hear me? You run for that wall and you don’t look back.”
   Armin nods slowly and I keep running.
   I round the last corner and I freeze. A chunk of the wall sits atop the ruins of the Yaeger home. Dust clouds billow about and I can hear three voices screaming amongst themselves.
   My feet carry me there. “Carla! Mikasa! Eren! Grisha!”
   “__________!” Carla yells back as I stumble to a stop just before the remains of the house. 
   My eyes land on her- pinned down underneath a wooden beam and dirt painting her face. Her eyes are wide, staring up at me. I hear the wood groan and shiver. Eren and Mikasa strain as they try lifting the wood up. 
   “Help us!” Eren snaps at me. 
   I reach for the beam, fingernails digging into the wood as we all lift it up. It doesn’t budge. Once more, Mikasa and Eren and I plant our feet on the cobblestone and lift. 
   ...it’s no use.
   Even if we get this thing off her, Carla’s legs are crushed. We wouldn’t make it out. 
   “__________!” Carla’s yelling my name over and over. Her hand is gripping my leg, nails digging into my skin. “You have to listen to me- you have to leave me behind and take them! You have to survive- you have to leave me!"
   “No!” Eren screams, trying to lift the beam up again. “I’m not leaving you!”
   “Can’t you just listen to me for once in your life?!” Carla screams back, tears trailing down her face. “This is the last thing I’m asking you to do-!”
   Something looms in the distance. Stomps quake the ground underfoot- and they’re getting closer. A face slowly passes the remains of the town hall. Grotesque and smiling, the Titan’s face turns towards us. 
   “Carla,” I whisper, tears now streaming down my face. “I… I can’t leave…” I mutter, shaking my head as I lean down to lift the beam again. My whole body strains, screaming for relief, as I try to pry the beam off of her.
   “Hannes!”
   Looking over my shoulder, I watch as Hannes lands just in front of us. “Take the kids and get out of here!” Carla screams. 
   Hannes kneels and smiles. “That’s not our only option, Carla. I’m gonna kill that Titan and save all of you!” His arms come out in a flourish, brandishing his blades. He runs around the corner of the house for the Titan. A war cry leaves his lips and-
   He skids to a stop. His eyes trail up the height of the Titan. Even from this distance, I can see him tremble. He turns back, pushing his blades back into their holsters. 
   And he grabs Eren, tossing him over his shoulder. He tucks Mikasa’s body under his arm and he runs a few steps before stopping again. Turning to me, he screams, “Let’s go before it kills us all!”
   My eyes flick back down to Carla. Her black hair is stuck to her face. Sweat and tears and spit slick down her skin as she looks up at me with watering eyes. “Take care of them for me,” she whispers. “My daughter, please take care of them for me. You all have to survive- for me.”
   And I run.
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   “__________!” 
   My name buzzes around my ears but Eren, Mikasa, Hannes- they aren’t calling me.
   “__________!” 
   I turn around, searching for the voice as I continue running behind Hannes. My eyes dart to each movement. A woman clutching the remains of a man to her body. A child crying. A man being lifted into the sky. Another man running straight towards me, carrying a briefcase. 
   “Tobias!” I yell. Hannes stops in his tracks, whirling around to face me. Tobias stumbles to a stop. Panting, he wipes his brow with his forearm.
   “I need to tell you something,” he wheezes, shoving the briefcase into my hands. “In case I don’t get to, it’s all in here. Everything is in here.”
   “Tobias, what are you talking about?”
   His eyes are darting everywhere- from my face to Hannes and the kids to my dress and hands. “I haven’t been honest with you,” he says quickly, taking me by the shoulders. “I’ve kept so much from you that you should know about-”
   “Just tell me!” I snap, searching his eyes. 
   Tobias sighs and nods quickly, “But only if we have some shelter.” His hand slips down my arm, taking my hand and pulling me towards a watchtower. Hannes and the kids follow behind us. 
   “__________,” Tobias states, turning to face me again and gripping my shoulders. “You have to understand- I didn’t know what else I could do. I just wanted what I wanted and I-”
   There’s a terrible crash above us. I can feel myself being pushed back and colliding with the cobblestone. Mikasa calls out to me- cut short by the ringing in my ears. 
   Hannes appears above me, waving a hand in my face and shouting something. It’s all so… far-away. Distant. Blinking, I try to focus on the shifting mimics of Hannes before they all merge together. 
   Searing pain runs up and down my legs as I feel myself being dragged backwards. I look down and see the pile of bricks, splintered wood, and stone that was once the watchtower. And a single arm underneath it all, covered in a suit’s sleeve. 
   My eyes widen and my arms bring the briefcase to my chest tighter. “...is that…?”
   Hannes nods, picking me up under my arms and setting me back on my feet. “I’m sorry but we have to go,” he mumbles. “We have to get them out of here.”
   Tears start to pour from my eyes as I stare at the bloody hand reaching out from under the debris. ...he saved me instead of saving himself.
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   “Please, sir, I can’t leave it behind-”
   “I’m already allowing you three on before anyone else,” the soldier snarls, “I’m not letting you break any more rules.”
   Hannes sighs, scratching the back of his neck. My nail taps against the leather briefcase as I watch Eren and Mikasa blankly stare into the water below. “Take them,” I blurt. “I’ll stay.”
   The kids turn around to face me, eyes wide with horror. Tears stream down Eren's face as his fist tightens at his side. “No! I’m not losing you, too!”
   “Don’t go,” Mikasa whispers, eyes pleading.
   I kneel down, putting the briefcase down next to me. Gently, I place a hand on their faces and rub my thumb against their skin. “I will find you,” I whisper, “You have to trust me. I will find you. You stay where you are until I find you, okay?”
   Mikasa nods once but I can feel her lean into my touch. Eren has my wrist, gripping it tightly. “Please, __________,” he pleads through gritted teeth, “Please don’t go.”
   I press my lips to his forehead and whisper against his skin. “I will find you, Eren.”
   Pulling away, I press my lips to Mikasa’s forehead. I stand and pick up the briefcase. “They’re ready now,” I whisper, forcing the mass of tears in my throat down. “Please take them.”
   The soldier takes Mikasa’s hand and reaches for Eren. Eren elbows past him, charging for me. Screaming, he flails about as the soldier throws him over his shoulder and walks up the gangplank. “__________!” He screams. “You can’t leave me! I can’t lose you, too! Please!” 
   I bite down on my tongue. Tears stream down my face as I watch them get set down on the ferry. Mikasa holds onto Eren’s arm as he thrashes in her grip. The soldier runs back down and yells for the ferry to take off. 
   Hannes places a hand on my shoulder. I shake violently, sobbing now as the ferry pulls away. Eren finally breaks free and runs to the edge but it’s too late. 
   I clamp a hand over my mouth, preventing the agonized screams from resounding around the ferry station. I can see Mikasa coming up behind Eren. Someone else pushes towards them.
   Armin. 
   He made it. They all made it. They’re safe. My kids are safe.
   Hannes clears his throat behind me. I turn and push my face into his chest, sobbing and clutching at his bloodied uniform. “They made it, Hannes,” I say in strangled sobs. “They’re okay.”
   I can feel him press my head further into his chest. “And you’re next.”
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   “You can’t close the gate!” I scream, clutching the briefcase to my chest. “There are people out there! Just wait-!”
   “If we don’t close it now, the handful of lives out there will be nothing compared to how many we’ll lose in here!” The soldier snaps. 
   Hannes growls, lunging forward and grabbing the soldier by the collar. “That’s no reason to leave these people to die!” 
   Footsteps run up behind me. Two men, more soldiers, arrive in the doorway. Panting, one points outside, “They’re coming! You have to close the gate, now!” 
   “Lower the gate at once!” 
   “No!” I run forward and feel arms wrap around me, holding me back. One of the soldiers hurries and grabs Hannes, pulling him off the soldier. My body thrashes in its hold, “You can’t do this! You’re going to kill them all-!”
   The walls begin to shake around us intermittently- heavy footsteps. They begin to pick up speed, thundering around us. Getting closer and closer, I can feel it in my head, in my heart- the hammering, the footsteps. 
   It all happens much slower than it did. Hannes wrestles out of the soldier’s grip and grabs my waist. The Titan collides with the wall, sending us into the air amongst the brick and stone of the gate. I can feel us being jerked a different way in the sky- the sound whirring and hissing of air surrounding us. 
   My arms around his neck, I peek over Hannes’ shoulder. A gaping hole is in the wall where the gate used to be. A Titan with patches of dense armor stands at the hole, breathing deeply. 
   “__________,” Hannes says as we land on the side of a building. “I’m taking you to Wall Rose. Wall Maria is gone. It’s over.”
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   The candlelight flickers in the wind, taunting death before regaining strength. My fingers run along the blood-splattered leather. The gold trim slides under my fingertips. I can feel my stomach churn as I press the buttons in. 
   What was so secret he kept it from me for so long?
   The briefcase flies open. Inside is a mess of paper- most pages are typed but some are handwritten. I can clearly see Tobias’ neat, small handwriting on the pages. I scoot closer to the candle, taking a sheet of paper and reading it in the light. 
   __________,
     I am writing this knowing in almost-full confidence that I am no longer alive and I died before I had the chance to explain myself. I hope you don’t think of me as less of a person after this but if you do, I cannot say that I blame you.
   My name is not Tobias Walker. I was born Fynn Kayserling in Dauper.
   I stop, rereading that sentence over and over again. Dauper was my village. Tobias- Fynn was from… my village? 
   You don’t remember that name at all, I’m sure. I wasn’t very outgoing and the walls suited me as better friends than other students. But there was one girl that stood out. It was you. You were kind and gentle- but would never stand down from a fight. It was amazing, watch you grow up. An ever-changing fluctuation of fight and flow.
   I was too much of a coward to be up-front with you. Watching others court you and how happily you responded to them, I knew I wasn’t good enough. I left at seventeen to Shiganshina and started my business.
   I returned a year later and found that you, that your family had been suffering. Your mother being weak and your father being ill while you and your sister were starving- I wanted to just give you the money. An anonymous donation. But there was another, more selfish part of me that wanted something in return.
   I tried to fight it. It was so twisted even I was disgusted by myself. But my cowardice, my weakness, my greed got the better of me and I made that offer to you. It wasn’t fair of me to and I wish I would have changed my mind- so I did this.
   Assuming I’m dead, inside this briefcase you will find my will. I’ll spare you from reading the legal nonsense. I’ve given you everything. The factory, the houses, the money, the land. It’s all yours to do what you will. There’s more than enough to pay off your debts and to build your family a better home.
   There was a reason I never told you what the plans for the wedding were. There was never going to be a wedding. I was going to give you the money and the land and tell you how I feel before letting you choose your path. It was selfish of me to take you away for two years. I couldn’t live with taking you away for much more.
   I hope you can forgive me, __________. I was selfish and cruel and I know it wasn’t love. Something more sinister- not love. I tried to be better, I hope you know.
    Yours always,
       Fynn
   I blankly stare at the letter, so many thoughts buzzing through my head that I feel dizzy. My eyes dart to the typed papers. ‘Final Will and Testament of Fynn Kayserling’ is typed on the first page. 
   He… he lived in Dauper and he was a classmate. He knew me. My stomach churns at the words ‘wanted something in return’. My eyes turn to the open window, to the stars above. Tears stream unyieldingly d0wn my face as I take a deep breath in. As I exhale, the wind takes my breath into an icy grip and turns it white. 
   I need to find them. Before anything else, I need to find Armin and Mikasa and Eren. And when I do, I’ll make sure they’re taken care of and then I’ll take care of my family. 
   I’ll never forgive him but... tomorrow. 
   The search starts tomorrow.
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You can read parts two, three, and four! Just tap on the number you want :) 
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wizkiddx · 3 years
Text
...surprise
um okay so here I am trying angst again. this is kind of intended to be open ended bcos might have a part two at some point. im also lazy and has a few time jumps. also if someone could pls explain if you just get pics for the top of these off internet or credit on like gifs or something that’d be appreciated.
Summary: Tom comes home and everything is most definitely not the way he left, nor is it healthy
Warnings: please read with caution esp relationship with food / weightloss, but just generally a person in a bad bad head space, lots of self blame - then next parts will carry different warnings too
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Tom had been away for months. Months and months away from his girlfriend, separated entirely by his filming locations in Europe and America; while you were busy slowly and steadily climbing the ranks of your law firm. Being an intense period for the pair, you hadn’t managed to see each other in 2 and a half months.  Of course, both go you were used to this - 3 years deep into a relationship between an actor and a wanna-be lawyer- this was the name of the game.
But honestly? You both just kept falling deeper and deeper, making the separation harder to deal with - rather than getting used to it as one might hope.
That's why Tom felt such an incredibly overwhelming wave of relief as he dumped his bags just outside his front door. Even though he was exhausted from the travelling, just the mere act of finally phishing out his housekeys brought a massive grin to his face - caused particularly by the sight of his tacky little keyring from a Moroccan market that you’d bought him. That had been your first holiday. There’s that old saying that before you move in with someone go on holiday first - Tom understood it to mean you supposedly see all the bad and ugly stuff people can hide from each other, a prewiring before committing to living in the same space. However that holiday all he’d learned was incredible you are to him. To his dying day, Tom will never forget the moment he looked over to his left when the two of you were on this night time stargaze in the depth of the Moroccan desert. Y/n had never seen stars like it, the skies so incredibly clear and lit up with an array of magical blues and purples and whites on its sark background. The sight, for no unexplainable reason, had you completely opening up to Tom about things she’d never told a single soul. And in that moment he’d had this sort of realisation. Not about how much he loved her - because that is just the cliche thing everyone says… and also just wasn’t true.
In that moment he’d rather realised the potential. The sort of ‘I’m not there yet but I know you could become the centre of my universe’. The sort of ‘I’m not ready to say this yet, but I want to spend my life with you’. The sort of ‘at some point in my life I’m not sure my heart will be able to beat without yours’.
He still hadn’t quite got to explicitly saying all that yet, by asking you for the ultimate commitment. But he planned to now he was coming back to you.
Even with the chill of the early evening winter air, Tom was almost ecstatic as he unlocked the door and let himself in. He hadn’t told you that he was coming home, you thought he had another two weeks on the job, but Tom was a bit of an old romantic - he loved seeing your eyes fill with wonder as he surprised you in whatever way. Sometimes it was as simple as a note on the fridge, or a small bouquet from behind his back or as fancy as a surprise holiday.
However, this time, though it was only 6 in the evening, all the lights of their house were off making Tom raise an eyebrow as he quietly slipped off his shoes - not wanting to scare Y/n just in case.
Tom had sworn when he’d been on the phone with you the previous day, you didn’t have any plans tonight but perhaps maybe a spontaneous pub trip and been offered with work colleagues. The house felt a little cold as he padded through it, poking his head into every room just to check Y/n wasn’t there. His last port of call was the bedroom.
By this point, Tom was pretty resigned on the fact you were out and he’d maybe cook a meal for when you got back or hide about the house or something. But instead, when he poked his head around this door, he sighed in delight at the sight of a still mound under the plush white sheets. For a brief moment, Tom paused, before tiptoeing steadily round to her bedside. The light was still off but the hallway light illuminated the room enough so he could make out your soft features and the messy ball of hair that had been haphazardly thrown in a bun. Furthermore, he could also notice in the light the packet of painkillers and migraine tablets lying opened on the bedside - which made him freeze. Y/n didn’t get migraines often at all, but when she did Tom knew just how bad they could be. That explained the fact you were spark out at six o’clock, making Tom give a sympathetic smile. He crept back out the room with a little spring in his step, deciding that since he had had a long day travelling he'd grab a snack and join you. Unfortunately though, when he enthusiastically yanked the fridge open the sight was a rather depressing one. He didn’t really know what he was craving but the fridge contents were of almost no use to anyone. The place was bloody baron, apart from a tub of butter and of course his special beers that Y/n would never dare touch. With a small huff though, Tom resigned himself to some bread and butter, before getting ready for bed.
It was probably an hour later when Tom was carefully crawling under the duvet to settle in beside Y/n after the disappointing snack and maybe a solitary ‘welcome home beer’ - it would be rude not to. God was he excited to just have his girlfriend in his arms again though. So, Tom naturally reached over and powerfully yet gently pulled you back towards him - making your back flush with his as you mumbled something incoherent. Chuckling slightly at your apparent annoyance of being disturbed, Tom pressed a kiss to her temple before settling down momentarily.
But something wasn’t quite right, making Tom shuffle about a bit - ever adjusting huis grasp on your waist as he attempted to get comfy. With the migraine medications forcing you into a deep deep sleep you barely stirred and that just made the unease increase for Tom. Because you didn’t feel right. This didn’t feel right. Ever so slowly Tom started to peel back the duvet from your body from his now sitting upright position. Typically, Y/n was wearing one of his hoodies, however more concerningly it seemed to pool and collect around your frame more than normal.
Now, Y/n was never the most petite person in the world - by no means overweight, instead of beautiful curves and muscle. To Tom now though, it was as if someone had literally shrunk you - like a picture on a word document you needed to make narrower to fit the margins. Even in the dim light of the bedroom he know realised you looked pale. Honestly, Tom didn’t know how long he just sat there staring at you, until you sighed a little and pulled the duvet back up to just under your chin.
He didn’t know what to think or do. All he knew was you didn’t look well and that you hadn’t said a thing to him. Feeling so very uncomfortable within himself, Tom climbed out the bed and simultaneously grabbed his phone. He knew he had to call someone, to check that you hadn’t been ill - but then who to call? Someone that wouldn’t judge or instantly worry- your mum was completely off the cards. Also, he hadn’t even given you the chance to explain yet, so really he knew there was only a couple of options who were close enough to him too.
“Hey what’s up?” “Um nothing much, back in the UK though so-“ “Oh shit really! Kept that one quite bro” “Yeh well came back to surprise Y/n” “Oh you're soooo whipped” “Fuck off Haz, have you um… have you seen her recently anyway?” “You're asking me if I’ve seen your girl while you’ve been away?” “I’m being serious. You’re pretty much brother and sister and I’m -I’m a bit worried.” “What? You know she wouldn’t cheat especially with me” Haz’s tone turned less serious, using a goofy accent “ I know too much.” Haz still attempted to lighten the mood, this conversation very unexpected and making him grow more and more concerned himself. “Haz quit it. I’m worried she’s been ill. I’ve come in and she’s asleep with a migraine but there’s no food in the fridge and she’s skinny as hell.” “Fuck er sorry I didn’t realise. But um no she’s been cancelling on us for the past like two weeks cos like…I don’t know said she was just snowed under at the firm so” “But before then?” “No yeh she was fine. Went to the pub a couple times and she always drove so didn’t drink but nothing weird - think she wanted to keep a clear head. What are you thinking?” “I don’t know to be honest mate. She seemed fine on the phone but I swear to god she looks half the size  of what she was when I left.” “Just talk to her in the morning? She probably is just stressed if work has been mad busy.” Tom hummed in agreement, half trying to convince himself too. “Yeh yeh, sorry for bothering you.” “Oh shut up mate - I’ll see you both at your parents for the roast tomorrow? Sams got some new recipe I think, he’s been wittering on about it for days.” “Yeh we’ll be there, see you then mate.” 
After signing off to Haz, Tom placed his phone on the little table on the upstairs hallway and sighed. He knew he was being over-protective but he couldn’t help it. Y/n was always the one to care for him, in fact to care for everybody int he room and then some.
He’d get to the bottom of whatever this was tomorrow, and so the rest of the evening Tom spent rather unhappily get ready before bed yet again before climbing back in next to you.
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Tom woke before you, a combination of jet lag and the worry in the pit of his stomach meaning he stirred awake first. Instinctively he pulled you closer and nuzzled his nose into the side of your neck as he slowly began to wake up properly - shrugging off the grogginess. Tom was still really excited for you to realise he was back, predicting you  to excitedly hug him ever so tight and then spend the morning between the sheets. He knew you found the distance tough, especially when all your closest friends were coupled off, it meant you just didn’t have ‘your person’. It was almost as if you were single again and instead of pining over an ex, hopelessly and completely in love with someone across the globe. But that just made your time together even more invaluable and precious.
So even with his slight unease at your slimmer silhouette, Tom didn't have any control over the loopy grin that came to his face as you started to stir and mumble something incoherent, all the while (and subconsciously) inching closer towards him. By the slight fluttering under your eyelid, Tom knew you were waking up and so took the moment to tuck your frizzy bed hair behind your ear. Sighing contently Y/n’s eyes fluttered completely open and Tom met your gaze with the most gently of smiles.
However, he then watched moment by moment as your expression morphed for one of peacefulness and content, through confusion, and ending at pure terror. He had barely thought of asking you why, before you yelped, throwing yourself up into a sitting position and backing as far away on the bed as you could from Tom. “TOM... I-you can’t be here! YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!” “Y/n hey what’s wrong-“ “GET OUT! G-GET THE FUCK OUT! YOU CAN’T BE HERE” you  yanked the bedsheets to completely cover your huddled up body, as if trying to protect yourself. At this point, tears were streaming down your face and what truly terrified Tom was the expression of horror in your eyes. He threw his hands in the air and unsteadily stumbled to his feet. “O-okay I’m-“ “GET OUT!!! YOU CAN'T SEE ME GET OUT!” Completely bemused and shocked, Tom just nodded jerkily -already halfway out the door and accidentally slamming it in haste.
He had absolutely zero clue what that was about. But what he knew for a fact? He’d never ever seen you like that… you looked so completely terrified… of him? Tom couldn’t for the life of him work out what the hell was going on, as he paced from the shut door to the hallway wall and back again, running his hand through his hair throughout. He could hear you sobbing and whisper yelling - presumably at yourself. It felt as though his heart was being torn out, seeing you that upset and it appearing as his fault? He was acting on pure instinct and adrenalin because your pain hurt him too. He had no control of the physiological response in his body, making his hands shake and breathing increase in speed as it inversely got shallower too.
And so he took a short inhalation, biting his bottom lip as he knocked on the door. “Y/n?….” He got no response after waiting a couple of seconds so tried again - because he could hear you trying to stifle your sobs. After another two failed attempts he opted for a different approach. “Y/n… I’m worried about you… look, I know your upset right now but I need you to let me know your okay… or I’ll have to come in and…and I don’t want to spook you” “Don’t come in.” It was a sharp reply, with a voice that was cracked and clearly trying to keep It together. “Okay… I-I’m sorry if my surprise of coming home was a dumb idea…I-I’ve missed you.” Tom tried speaking softly, as he knelt down and sat with this back against the wall while nervously fiddling with his watch strap that he’d forgot to take off last night. Again he waited for a response but got nothing, again having to warn you he needed to know you were okay. He heard movements from the other side of the door, making him turn his head to the left, pressing his ear on the cool gloss paint. “I-I’m sorry” You barely were whispering, but Tom could sense you were now sitting in a position mirroring his “You don’t meed to apologise love” Returning her tone, Tom sighed at the end - trying to get his brain to process what was going on.
Y/n wasn’t one to overreact and Tom could count on one hand the number of serious fights they’d had in the three year romance. And even then, he was the one to raise his voice - when she argued it was more reasoned, slow and controlled. Actually it was one of the things that in those moments infuriated him even more - you were just so level headed and sensible. Scratch that, sensible purely in this context - everywhere else you were just as loopy as him. So this situation felt so very alien. He didn’t know how to help you and he bloody hated feeling useless.
After a few moments, you replied to apologise once again, for shouting specifically,  and Tom nodded - not that you could see. But that was one of the things Y/n had taught him, sometimes you just have accept things - no matter the context. Accept he wasn’t actually a superhero and couldn’t do everything, accept that sometimes he could be a dick and out of line or accept an apology.
“Can you.. can you try and tell me why your upset? I want to help.” He was trying to be gentle, non-confrontational. But he knew something was so wrong. He needed to know so he could try and help out. “I…”Y/n began, but quickly trailed off, as if trying to formulate the words properly. “I’ve just been ill and” again another pause “and I haven’t been looking after myself very well. I just planned to be umm- to be better when you got back.”
It wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t really the truth either, at least not the whole truth. But it wasn’t a lie.
“I’m not sure I understand why your so worried about what I think though?” Tom inquired, as he started to fiddle with the door handle in his left hand - as if easing the idea of coming into his girlfriend without scaring you. In reply, you sighed again trying to put the words together without explicitly spelling it out to him. “I don’t- I thought you’d just be disappointed or-or think I’m reliant on you. I’m not and I can handle myself I just…. I don’t know.” “I love you, you idiot.”Tom chuckled at that, while standing up. “Can I come in now please? I promise I’m not disappointed just want to help you feel better.”
The door opened and no sooner could Tom take a step forward than Y/n ran into his chest, wrapping herself tightly around him in apology. He knew that he didn’t have the full story but really didn’t want to push her, more preferring to just love her. So that’s what they spent the rest of the morning doing, in their pyjamas and watching TV. Quite obviously, she wasn’t really making a lot of conversation, Tom filled some gaps with talking about filming - to which she’d hum in agreement or chuckle along. But for the most part Y/n was concentrating on something else.
The all-consuming guilt. That was what was eating away at her.
part 2?
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sweetleaf-cafe · 3 years
Note
I was wondering if you could do a scenario where dazai's s/o Is like umaru from 'umaru-chan'? Like at the day time she's the perfect girl and is helpful and kind then when she gets home she's a gamer who is legit so lazy and eats too many potato chips? Thank you! Do take your time!
Thank you for the request! We are happy to do this fic for you! Please note that we decided to keep this gender neutral so that a wider audience can enjoy this piece! 
TW: Dazai (A.K.A. Mentions of suicide.)
(Y/n) smiled as they helped the old lady cross the street, helped comfort a child and bought them some ice cream, helped a lady with her bags. They were the perfect example, when they walked the streets it was like they glowed. "Do you see them?" "They are golden child, their parents are blessed," "They are so cute! Do you think they would go out with me?" People would whisper as they passed, as (Y/n) skipped up to their apartment they saw a kitten about to cross the road as a car approached, right away they grabbed it before it could be hit, sighing (Y/n) scolded the scrap of fur lightly "You should be more careful, here I will help you cross."
"Well aren't you a kind soul for helping a kitten... maybe you could do a double suicide with me!" A voice said out of now where, jumping up in surprise (Y/n) looked around to find a tall man approaching them running a childish grin on his face "Hey you! Come join me in a romantic double suicide!" He yelled jumping, (Y/n) dodged and the man fell face-first on the ground, the kitten meowed like it was laughing. "I am so sorry you just surprised me! Here let me help you up!" (Y/n) said scrambling to help the man up and bowing, the man chuckled, "I'm fine, but back to my offer, do you want to join me!?" He asked, (Y/n) sweatdropped. "Um, well, sorry but I have a lot to live for like helping at daycares and stuff, I hope you find someone to do a double suicide with you one day." (Y/n) responded, the man looked down sad but then smiled and looked back at (Y/n). "Hey! Hey! What's your name? Mine is Osamu Dazai!" He said shaking (Y/n)'s hand vigorously, "I-I-I a-a-am (Y-Y/n) (L/n-n), u-u-m-m-m co-u-ld y-ou pl-ea-se sto-p sh-ak-ing m-y-y han-d-d-d " (Y/n) responds and Dazai lets go of their hand. "Tehee, sorry I was just so excited to meet a beautiful person like you, " He said scratching the back of his neck. (Y/n) shook their head. "It's fine, now if you will excuse me , " (Y/n) said bowing, the kitten meowed like, 'Hello, I am still here!' "Oh sorry, here let's cross the street now " (Y/n) said looking both ways and crossing the street, to her surprise Dazai followed them. "Um, why are you following me?" (Y/n) asked and Dazai gave a toothy grin "Because such a lovely being like you shouldn't be alone in this big city, I will escort you to where you live!" He said, (Y/n) gives him a sweet smile but in their head, all they can think is, 'Is he an idiot? I just want to go home and play games, eat potato chips, and go to bed, oh well, if he is just walking me home that's fine.' "Thank you " (Y/n) says and the odd pair continue on their way. When they at last reach (Y/n) apartment, (Y/n) turns. "Thank you for escorting me, but I am fine now." (Y/n) said and then began to walk to their room, Dazai still following their. "Um, why are you following me to my room?" (Y/n) asked, facing him. "Oh well, I was a little hungry so I was wondering if I could have something to eat..." He asked all that (Y/n) could think was ' IS HE FOR REAL?! ASKING FOR FOOD! Ok, ok, calm down (Y/n), be the sweet person that everyone thinks you are, no that you are, here I go.' "Oh! Of course, let me go get something for you!" (Y/n) says quickly and turns, walking to their room, they unlocked the door and took of their shoes, "Please wait here, I will be right back, are you allergic to anything?" They ask and Dazai shakes his head, quickly grabbing the first bag of chips they could get their hands on, they walked back to where Dazai was supposed to be waiting, but he was gone. "Um, Dazai-san?" (Y/n) called out worried, "I'm in here!" He said, it was coming from their living room 'HE WAS SUPPOSED TO WAIT HERE!' (Y/n) internally screamed rushing into the room, there they found Dazai trying to make a nose with their controller wires. When he saw (Y/n) enter, he smiled brightly and waved, (Y/n) felt their eyes twitch "Um, what are you doing?" They asked in a calm voice "Oh! Well, I got bored waiting so I came in here, I saw these lovely wires and decided to make a noose, also it's pretty messy in here!" He said as he stood on their (Y/n) gamer chair and tied the handmade noose to a support beam, "Dazai-san, could you please not hang yourself in my living room? And please untie your noose," (Y/n) said Dazai looked down at them with puppy eyes but after a look on their face he did exactly what they said. Once that situation was sorted (Y/n) gave Dazai his bag of chips and began to usher him out the door, "Do you have everything? Good, well I hope to see you again (not) and I hope you find someone to commit double suicide with!" You spoke in a rush, because one you were embarrassed, two in the rush you gave him your favorite brand of chips and you couldn't ask for
it
back, three he bent the cords on your controllers. As Dazai began to walk out he stopped and turned to face (Y/n), "It's all right to take a break and be lazy sometimes, also your secret is safe with me, thanks for the chips!" He said and left, (Y/n) sat against the door frame admiring the setting sun, they didn't really regret giving him their favorite chips anymore at least for now~ (Later...) "THAT SUICIDAL CHIP STEALER!" (Y/n) screamed as they realized that Dazai stole all of their favorite potato chips.
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felassan · 3 years
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Hi, thank you for your wonderful metas and explanations. Not sure if I'm getting this right though: if we get two last Archdemons as Dirthamen and Falon'Din and if they get killed.. wouldn't that make all Evanuris but Solas and Mythal, dead? What happens when the Archdemon dies? And if all the Archdemons are dead, will this end the Age of Dragon? Will there never be any more blights?
Hi Nonnie! Thank you :) Answer under cut due to length.
The first part of the line of speculation here depends on several things like: whether there really is a link between the Evanuris and the Old Gods (and if so, what is it? several different kinds of connection are theorized, including a number which don’t hold that it’s a case of direct one-to-one equivalence), whether Mythal is already truly dead or not (some think yes, some think no), whether it’s those two Evanuris specifically (a number of other candidates for the identities of the figures are speculated and entirely possible) and whether Solas will survive the events of the next game.
That stuff aside, the bulk latter part of your question is an Unknown that’s been set up as Ominous since Inquisition. Here’s Solas in dialogue with Blackwall:
[discussing the Grey Wardens]
Solas: The Wardens see themselves as the world's defense against the Blight do they not? Blackwall: Yes... Why do you sound so skeptical? Doesn't everyone know this? Solas: When an Archdemon rises, they slay it. What will they do when all the Archdemons are slain? Blackwall: Retire? Solas: Without Archdemons, there can be no Blights. Is that the reasoning? Blackwall: Right. Where are you going with this? Solas: Nowhere. I hope they are correct.
and Blackwall and Varric:
Solas: The Grey Wardens allow elves and dwarves into their ranks? Varric: Qunari too I imagine. They don't care about titles or blood, just stopping the Blight. Solas: A pity they do it so badly then. Blackwall: Would you care to repeat that? Solas: Argue if you like, your fight against the darkspawn is noble, but what progress have you made? Varric: Give them some credit, it's not like you can study the Blight safely. I may not like everything they've done, but without the wardens, we'd all be Blighted by now. Solas: They've bought us some time, I will grant them that.
and Cassandra:
[post-Adamant]
Cassandra: You don't think much of the Grey Wardens, Solas. Solas: They are fools, a fact only amplified by Corypheus' meddling. Cassandra: A harsh assessment. But after Adamant, perhaps not undeserved.
and Vivienne:
[post-Adamant]
Vivienne: You disapprove of Corypheus using the magic of the Blight, Solas? Solas: Every intelligent creature should. Vivienne: Yet you raise no objection to the Grey Wardens using blood magic? Solas: Blood magic is no worse than any other, properly used. But the Blight... Solas: The Blight corrupts everything it touches. Those who believe themselves capable of using it safely are mad. Vivienne: I understand that Grey Wardens are connected in some way to the Blight. Solas: Then that explains why we saw no old men at Adamant.
And here’s some of his dialogue during and after Here Lies The Abyss:
Erimond: A Blight happens when darkspawn find an Old God and corrupt it into an Archdemon. If someone fought through the Deep Roads and killed the Old Gods before they could be corrupted... no more Blights, ever. The Wardens sacrifice their lives and save the world.  Solas: [hella angry] That’s madness! For all we know killing the Old Gods could make things even worse!
---
Solas: [super agitated] We must stop the Wardens from carrying out this insane plan Inquisitor! To seek out these Old Gods deliberately... in some bizarre attempt to prevent the Blight... [...] Those fools and duty... responsibility is not expertise. Action is not inherently superior to inaction. Forgive me, the entire idea is - unnerving. Inquisitor: I wouldn’t mind never having another Blight. Corypheus interfering is the real problem. Solas: [pretty irritated] The Blight is the real problem!   Inquisitor: And the Wardens are trying to end the Blight forever.  Solas: Yes! Would it have worked? Do you know? Did they? The fools who first unleashed the Blight upon this world thought they were unlocking ultimate power! 
---
Solas: If you don’t stop them, we’ll all fall.
---
Solas: Even if they could succeed, the entire idea is wrong. The Blight is not something one smugly outsmarts.
It’s clear he dislikes or disagrees with aspects of the Wardens in a general sense, even if they’d never gotten up to what they tried to do in Inquisition (that’s another topic). But he also either seems to know Something that he’s withholding, or else he fears possible consequences/potential unknown consequences of them (or anyone) succeeding in killing the remaining Old Gods. He’s incensed thinking about it. The idea deeply unsettles him, and he fears the Blight and what it can do. And I wonder if the ‘Something’ will be to do with the true nature of and the origin of the Blight. It also may intersect with things like the Fade and the Black City. 
So the question of what will happen with regards to the Blight when all of the Old Gods are gone feels like one we’re meant to be asking and speculating on at the moment, one we’re still meant to be in the dark about til some reveal. It’s often theorized that the Old Gods are ‘keys’ (or rather, more like locked padlocks) to the prison (or ‘prison’) where the Evanuris are caged, or that they’re vessels for pieces of their souls, or that they’re [functionally] like seals or gateways keeping something at bay from the world of Thedas, like, say, in the Black City - “And I looked up and saw // The seven gates of the Black City shatter // And darkness cloaked both realms.” - which as we know is Tainted and also apparently, according to the latest mural, infested by red lyrium too.. These sorts of ideas often make reference to the Dread Wolf Rises teaser mural, where there are 7 hemispheres arranged on the outside of the repeating concentric circles pattern which usually represents the Veil. Only 2 of the hemispheres are still lit, the rest are dark. They’re often thought to represent the 5 dead Old Gods and the 2 who remain alive, sleeping. These sorts of ideas cast the Old Gods’ current situation as a temporary solution, staving off a massive looming problem for a while, essentially. Sometimes the ‘something’ is linked to the Void/the Abyss. (It’s tough to call though as the pattern inside the hemispheres is the same as what’s found on elven foci/power orbs in other murals, which are almost certainly Titan hearts.)
Something to bear in mind also is that no more Blights (as in the plagues of darkspawn attacking the surface world directed by an Archdemon) doesn’t mean no more Taint/Blight or no more darkspawn. Blights are events, not the origin or the cause, and darkspawn have their own means of.. creating more darkspawn.. and darkspawn don’t disappear or combust when an Archdemon is killed, they go back underground to look for a new Old God. What if that compulsion was no more? Consider the Mother, who after being freed from the song/call of the Old Gods went mad. She birthed a new variety of darkspawn and there was a darkspawn civil war. Think of the Architect, who once wanted to spread the Taint to every non-darkspawn person in Thedas, and then accidentally caused the Fifth Blight. The Disciples, along with free will, gained higher intelligence, the ability to strategize and emotional behavior patterns (not just mindless plague-locust or worker-bees-to-a-queen-bee behavior anymore). The Messenger was fairly benevolent and if let go wanders around as a helpful traveler, but he still inadvertently spreads the Taint wherever he goes in that outcome, which cannot be permitted due to the impact on peoples’ health and on ecosystem health. Would darkspawn who are no longer urged by the Call to dig for an Old God stay on the surface wreaking havoc, in a perma-[quasi]Blight with no clear-cut way to end it as there’s no Archdemon to slay? Would we see something like the events of Awakening, only Thedas-wide? If they’d now have awakened intelligence, would they attack with advanced tactics? Or with some of them maddened and without an Archdemon to direct them, would it just be general chaos? I’d worry about Orzammar too; part of the reason why Orzammar has managed to persist thus far is that most of the darkspawn are usually burrowing away looking for the Old Gods, and only randoms and straggling groups end up attacking Orzammar (relatively speaking, at least). Without the Call, it could be overrun. 
Dragons are quite resistant to the Blight, compared to other creatures, able to section off parts of their own flesh to stem the spreading extent of its corruption - to a point. There’s a metaphor in there somewhere that links back to the notion that the setup of the 7 Old Gods, as they were anyway, slumbering, isn’t a solution that can keep Whatever It Is at bay indefinitely.
What’s Solas thinking of when he says “I hope you are correct”? What catastrophic thing happening have the Wardens bought us some time before it occurs? In what ways could things get worse? Why is Solas convinced in TN that he has no choice and that what he’s doing will save this world? Messing with the Blight never ends well, time’s running out, there’s something going on with the Old Gods, and the possibilities for what could happen if all the darkspawn were suddenly freed from their singular purpose of following the song are alarming.  Whatever will happen when the last Old God or Archdemon is killed, it doesn’t sound good though does it?
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readyplayerhobi · 4 years
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Flower | 22
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; Hoseok x Reader
; Genre: Fluff, smut
; Word Count: 6.4k
; Warnings: Brief mention of antidepressant side effects, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, sex toy use, insinuated sex
; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?
; A/N: I’ve half proofread this but I hate reading through smut again so...I hope you enjoy it all :) please reblog if you did and leave me feedback in the form of comments, reviews or other asks! I’m always happy to read your thoughts on the Flower couple and their evolving relationship <3
; Flower Masterpost
-
“Okay so...I know it probably doesn’t look like I’ve got you all that much,” You give him a disbelieving stare before eyeing the small pile of books and games he’d already gifted you. “But I got you one more. And I had to hide this because it’s very heavy and I didn’t want you accidentally kicking it and opening it up or anything.”
Watching as he stands up, his cheerfully festive Christmas Simpsons sweats looking very out of place on his tattooed body, he darts off to your bedroom. Frowning, you lean back to try and see what he’s doing, wondering how’d he’d managed to hide something from you in your own room.
He was completely lying because he’d gotten you everything you wanted and more. The new Final Fantasy game, the new Villainous expansion, some of the books you’d been wanting for a while and a few Eeveelution plushies to finish off your set. So what on earth would he have gotten?
It’s even more confusing when he comes back and you see the size of the box in his hands, elegantly wrapped in silver wrapping paper. There’s a pretty fabric bow on top with a tag on it and your brow rises when you see how hard he’s struggling with it.
That brow goes even higher when he sits down with a grunt, the box dropping onto the floor with a heavy thunk. Eyes widening, you stare at it before looking at him in amusement.
“Holy shit Hoseok, what did you do? Kill someone?” He gives you a smirk before cuddling up to you on the floor, gesturing to the wrapped gift with more than a little excitement. You welcome his warmth and idly poke his thigh as you eye the present.
“Nope. You’ll love it though, I promise.” Giving him a suspicious look, you look at the tag first and read it. Much to his amusement. Apparently he wasn’t one of those people who particularly cared about reading the tags, which had horrified you when you found out. Not that you’d written him any sweet notes or anything, but still.
Unsurprisingly, the tag doesn’t have some love filled sonnet on it, just your name and ‘love, Hoseok’. But he’d obviously shown his love through the careful presents he’d bought you, each one something that you loved and adored. 
Smiling, you carefully began to peel away the wrapping paper where it has been folded, tugging at the tape until it came away gently. You feel Hoseok’s laugh vibrate through his body before actually hearing it, causing you to look at him in confusion.
“God, you open presents so neatly. It’s like watching my sister all over again,” His smile stays warm, growing even more affectionate. “She used to open presents like you do, as if afraid that you’ll ruin the wrapping paper or something. I don’t have the patience.”
“Gee...I hadn’t noticed.” Turning your head to stare firmly at the bag of torn wrapping paper next to you both, the remnants of what had remained of what you’d painstakingly wrapped. 
He snorts before poking your side and nodding with his head towards the present that you’d only begun opening. “Okay Miss Sarcastic, please proceed with the present opening before you cut yourself on your wit instead of the paper.”
You do as asked, or instructed rather, and carefully peel back the paper. As soon as you have a glimpse of the box cover though, all care is gone as you gasp loudly and quickly tear the rest off. Staring down at the colourful box, you take in the words ‘Gloomhaven’ along the top before squealing with excitement and bouncing in place.
“Oh my god! Hoseok! Oh my god! What the fuck? This game is so expensive!” You’re beyond happy to get it though, as if your reaction wasn’t obvious and the amusement in Hoseok’s face is more than apparent. But you still feel a little guilty at the fact he’s bought you this alongside everything else so far. The two of you haven’t even been dating a year and you’re already feeling spoilt.
He wraps his arms around your waist before kissing your cheek sweetly, watching as you pull the rest of the paper from beneath the box and toss it to the side. It’s only when you go to lift the box that you let out a deep groan of surprise and effort, turning to look at him with wide eyes.
“Holy shit.”
“Yeah, holy shit. This thing was 10 fucking kilograms. I feel like I almost died bringing it here. And that’s with the freaking elevator. Open it up, I wanna see what’s in this damn thing.” Laughing, you let him turn the box upside down and use the scissors that had been brought over earlier to slice through the clear stickers that were keeping the lid attached. 
Kasumi was currently playing with a ball of scrunched wrapping paper that Hoseok had thrown to her earlier. She had, obviously, been thoroughly enthralled with it and completely ignored the toys she’d been bought by Hoseok and you for her Christmas presents. He’d been thoroughly amused by that but you’d just shrugged and said this was what cats did.
Between the two of you, you manage to get the lid off the box that feels like it’s been vacuum packed in and sit back to admire the interior contents. Carefully, you lift the map board out and open it up, scanning over the intricate map with interest while Hoseok lets out a low whistle.
“Fuck, there’s a lot of shit in this box.” He pulls out a wirebound book along with a rule book, placing them on his lap before flicking through them with interest. Holding up the wire book, he looks at you with wide eyes. “Dude, this is the scenario book...it has 96 scenarios in it.”
Grinning at him, you peer over his shoulder and take them in before carefully taking the book from his hands and placing it on top of the now folded map.
“Yep. It may be expensive but you get your money’s worth at least, right? And you can’t look at it, it’ll spoil the game for you. It’s like an RPG game for a PC or console. You’re only supposed to find out what’s happening as you’re playing, so don’t go spoiling it. And apparently we can only only look at a certain number of characters and stuff. We unlock those through the scenarios.” Reaching in, you pull out one tiny box with what reminds you of a singularity on the top, opening it carefully and pulling out the tiny figure inside.
“This is one of the starter ones, a spellweaver. I want to be this one.” Hoseok takes it from you and looks over it equally as carefully before shrugging, his expression giving away that he was no idea what you’re on about. Giggling, you kiss his cheek and place it back into the box.
“You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?” He glares at you as you begin to place everything carefully inside. It impresses you how well everything fits in, and you already feel some dread at the prospect of trying to fit everything inside after a few scenarios.
“I’ll have you know that I played and loved all the Dark Souls games.” Biting your lip, you try to contain your amusement as you slide the lid back on and simply admire the game with reverence. 
“Oh yeah? Is that because it’s all gothic and hardcore. Did you git gud?” Your teasing of him instantly gets a repercussion as he begins to tickle you furiously, your laughs loud in the apartment and causing Kasumi to pause with her own wide eyes. 
“Yeah, yeah I did git gud. Actually, I got so gud that I finished all of them multiple times. What was it you told me once? That you don’t like those games because they’re too hard for you? So...who’s the one who needs to git gud now?” He says, pausing his fingers from his relentless assault and giving you a smug look. Breathing heavily, you let out a quiet laugh before tracing along one of the tattoos on his arms.
“Me, apparently.” Pausing, you take him in before smiling with happiness, your stomach bubbling with joy. “Thank you. For buying me that, it’s really expensive and I can’t believe you bought me it! I’ve been contemplating it for ages.”
“I know. I’ve seen you look at it online often enough. Got me a little stressed when you almost bought it the other week. But I like playing games with you, I’ve decided. So...I got this one so that we can play it together. It can be our game.” Sitting back up, he reaches out and pulls you up with him as you stare at him with wide eyes.
Logically, you’d known that he’d probably have to play it with you as there was no way that Chungha or Soyeon would be interested in something as in depth and long lasting as Gloomhaven. But hearing him say that he’s spent well over $100 on a board game just to play it with you was something else entirely.
It makes your stomach go funny, just like he always made it, and you feel the fluttering of almost anxiety in your throat, making it a tiny bit harder to breathe. Not because you were upset or anything, but you just didn’t really know how to process the love you’d been blessed with from one Jung Hoseok. It was hard for your head to really comprehend that he genuinely meant every word he said.
“Are you sure? It’s supposed to be intense. And long.” Hoseok smirks at you, moving closer until you’re almost nose to nose. His warm breath, smelling faintly of the mint ice cream he’d eaten for dessert at his parents after Christmas dinner, fanning your face. You should be disgusted, but you’re not.
“I know something that can be intense and long tonight. And I wouldn’t have bought it otherwise.” Rolling your eyes at his obvious innuendo, you try hard to stop the smile that wants to break free at hearing him obviously trying to initiate sex. The two of you had agreed to spend the mornings at your respective parents' houses before meeting up here, opening the presents you’d bought each other and spending Christmas evening together for the first time.
Looking over his elegant features, you can’t help but smile as happiness fills you at the sight of him. He’s not paying attention to you anymore, instead having reached over to take one of the books you’d gifted him earlier. 
Hoseok had begun to read biography and memoir style books lately, enjoying a wide array of topics. As such, you’d gotten him the entire back catalogue of Mick Wall biographies, which meant he had a whole stack of metal and rock n roll band biographies to go through.
At the moment, he was scanning over the back of the Metallica book with his tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration. The other pile included Lemmy, Guns n Roses and more. You’d be lying if you said that you knew half of the bands or whatever that were in the books but you knew that he’d love them all anyway.
And he had, his face lighting up with excitement when he’d unwrapped each one. It had been a worry that he’d find them boring or something, but instead you’d been given many kisses of thanks. Which had been rather delightful, you would admit.
You’d found it particularly stressful buying him presents for Christmas; panicking that he wouldn’t like whatever you bought or having anxiety that he would already have it. He’d given you a few hints to make it easier for you but you’d struggled over it still. As much as you loved him, and as much time as you spent with him, it was hard to figure out what he’d like.
Hoseok loved his music, but he already had everything he wanted in regards to that. There were no concerts coming up that he didn’t already have tickets to, he bought whatever books he wanted to read and he bought whatever films he wanted. Given he spent so much time at yours, you couldn’t even consider something bigger as he wouldn’t get any use out of it as he spent so much time with you and there wasn’t space in your apartment.
Why was buying presents for men always so much harder? And on top of that, you’d had to dissuade him from buying anything that you’d already bought him. Because he was like a cat whose eyes went wide when he saw something he wanted. That had been the case with the James Bond Blu-Ray collection you’d gotten him as well.
It was limited edition, and he’d spotted it online a week after you’d bought it. It had taken some careful persuasion to make sure he didn’t buy it, along with a lot of internal eye rolling.
“Did you like everything?” You don’t realise that there’s a touch of insecurity in your voice, a hint of uncertainty that you hadn’t done it right. This was the first time you’d ever had a boyfriend over the Christmas period, so you weren’t sure if you’d done it right. 
Looking up at you with wide eyes, he makes a small noise of question before looking back at his pile of gifts. It now looks smaller than yours and you get warm with embarrassment but he gives you such a bright smile. 
“Yes, thank you! Got everything I wanted and stuff I didn’t know I wanted until now.” He leans back against the couch, giving you another smile before reaching out to you and pulling you into him. Besides the books and the Bond collection, the only other thing he’d gotten was a bottle of his cologne, which wasn’t cheap. 
So his pile might not look like much, but it was actually a big chunk of money. It made you feel a little ashamed that your gifts were obviously more expensive, but you reasoned it away to yourself. Hoseok earnt more than you, a lot more than you. You had worked within your means for him while also buying for your friends and family.
“Are you happy with what you’ve got?” Hoseok asks, tilting his head to look at you with expectant brows. You give him a sweet smile of your own before nodding and hugging him even tighter.
There’s a moment of pause before you move your head to kiss him, lips gentle against his for a few seconds. He doesn’t hesitate any further though, moving his hand to cup your cheek and you relax into the kiss, almost sighing into his mouth contentedly. 
You’d shyly admitted to him the other week that you really liked kissing him. He’d thought it was amusing that you’d told him that so sweetly, but you’d been particularly awkward about it because you’d never had makeout sessions as a teenager. And it hadn’t been fantastic in college, but you got the urge to just kiss Hoseok for hours on end like an excitable teenager.
It was pretty easy to guess that Hoseok found it endearing, and you’d found he’d been indulging you more often with kisses and just taking the time to let you feel like a loved up teenager once more. You were positive it was no great hardship on his behalf, but you were surprised that he controlled himself well enough that it rarely resulted in sex. 
He was indulging you right now and you hummed contentedly, enjoying the casual and lazy way he was kissing you. The smell of the Christmas cookie candle you’d started earlier and the gentle twinkling of the lights on the tree you’d decorated with Hoseok at the start of December make it all feel more...homey. Which you don’t want to think about too much right now; you’re too concerned with enjoying your Christmas kisses to care too much.
Finally though, he pulls away slowly and the tiny whine you let out has him laughing against you. “Calm down, you can have plenty more later.” 
Shifting away from him slightly, you push out your lower lip in a pout before giving him big puppy eyes. A year ago, the very idea of acting like this around him, or anyone, would have been beyond humiliating. But you felt comfortable with him, and you felt that this was fast becoming part of the language of your relationship with Hoseok.
He did the same to you when he wanted something. And it worked just as well on you as it did on him.
Hoseok smiles, giving you another quick kiss before gently rubbing his nose against yours. The look in his eyes is no longer sweet and soft, but instead a little more intense. Irises darkening ever so slightly while his pupils widen and you narrow your own at him, recognising that look now.
“Someone’s horny.” You mutter, causing him to smirk. He disentangles himself from you and stands, gesturing to you to stay there before disappearing off into the bedroom. Frowning, you try to see around the couch to get an idea of what he’s getting but when he comes back, whatever it is is hidden firmly behind his back.
“What are you doing?” 
“Well, we bought this and never got round to using it. So...I figure that we can see if it’s worth the money. A little...Christmas orgasm? Ever had one of those?” He smirks at you, brows wiggling as he shows you the glass dildo and bottle of lube.
Almost instantly, you go all hot with embarrassment at the sight of him just waving that around so casually. He’d been disappointed a few weeks back to discover you had no sex toys, apparently they were fun for couples too, and so he’d sat with you and ordered some. You say he ordered some, but it seemed most of them were for you.
Which had confused you as to why he was so determined to use them all on you instead of getting something for himself. But he’d just waved off your questions, telling you that he got pleasure out of seeing you pleasured and there was plenty of time to explore stuff for him in the future.
You also got the idea that he still wasn’t entirely happy with the fact that the successful orgasm ratio was leaning very heavily in his favour. He’d given you plenty through oral and with his fingers, eventually figuring out what made you tick while having sex until he could successfully bring you to the brink if you were in the mood.
And then you’d started the antidepressants, and your sexual libido had plummeted. Not only had you shown no interest in intiating sex, though you were fine if he wanted it, it had become almost impossible to orgasm. Even by yourself you’d struggled, unable to fall over that precipice into the pit of pleasure to the point that you’d cried in frustration over it.
As such, he hadn’t pushed the issue too hard because he knew it was a sore point, but you’d slowly discovered that it was possible to orgasm still. It just required...a lot of work. When you’d shyly discussed this with Hoseok, he’d taken it almost as a challenge. Hence the sex toys.
The dildo he’d set on the table was made of clear glass, a pretty centre of pink and blue that swirled around each other and a flared base that allowed it to stand on its own. You eyed it carefully as he sat next to you, a smirk on his face. It was one that you hadn’t used yet and you found yourself squirming with the knowledge he was going to use that on you.
A thin shaft met a bulbous head, the tip reminding you of a closed flower bud. Reaching out, you ran your fingers down the glass slowly, noting how smooth and firm it felt. Along with being a lot cooler than you’d anticipated.
“You up for it? I figure...I can try this on you, see if I can get you to orgasm.” Lips twisting, you take the bottle of lube from him and place it on the table as well, carefully pushing the gifts away to make space. You were positive he’d noticed this too, but you didn’t want to vocalise it.
“What about you?” Hoseok snorted in amusement, giving you a quick kiss before running his hands down your waist.
“Okay, first of all. I love doing things with you sexually. So if that’s all that happened then I’ll just get acquainted with my hand in the shower later. Otherwise...well...it is Christmas so...” Shifting, you bite your lip before looking down at your hands and then reaching for his.
“I think we can work something out.” Despite how bold the words are, they sound a lot shyer with your soft tone. Especially the way you avoid his eyes and he just laughs, kissing your temple affectionately before playfully tugging at your leggings.
You resist for just a moment before relenting, shifting awkwardly and laughing as you both struggle to peel the tight fabric from your legs. There’s a particular moment where Hoseok accidentally bumps his forehead against yours when he leans forward, trying to tug them from underneath the rounds of your ass. 
“Ow.” He mumbles and you coo to him, trying not to laugh as you gently rub at his forehead. Hoseok finally pulls them off you, taking your socks with him before moving groaning at the fact he hadn’t managed to get your underwear off too.
Now you can’t help but laugh at the way his lips automatically pout, leaning forward to peck at them before wiggling your underwear off yourself. Almost instantly he’s distracted, eyes focused between your legs and you bite your lip in amusement at how easy it is to get his attention when it involves sex or you naked.
You’d never thought you’d be someone who drew that kind of distraction in men and it makes you feel simultaneously powerful and shy. But you don’t get a chance to think any further about it when Hoseok lightly tugs on your shirt, raising his brows in silent question. The two of you have been having sex for months now, but he’s still respectful about your lingering insecurities.
Nodding, he pulls off your shirt in one quick movement before kissing you deeply once your head is free, causing you to hum in delight as his hand roams your naked skin. You no longer feel fear or panic at the touch of him against your waist and stomach. Instead, it feels reassuring.
A gasp leaves you when his hands move to cup your breasts, Hoseok smiling into the kiss as he runs his thumb along your soft skin before playing with your nipples. You’d gotten changed as soon as you’d come home from your parents and Hoseok had long gotten used to you going braless. Much to his appreciation.
But he doesn’t waste too long, leaving your lips to kiss down your jaw and suck rosettes of desire into your neck and chest. He deviates from what you presume to be his route momentarily to lavish attention onto your nipples, playing with them for a moment with his tongue and ever so gently his teeth and being careful to give both equal attention.
While he loved your chest, he wasn’t a boob man. No, he was firmly an ass man, which was evident by the way his hands had slipped down your body and were now squeezing and massaging the rounds of your ass in an almost reverent way. It amused you and you lip at your lips, tasting him once more and whining at him.
As much as you enjoyed the foreplay he was willing to give, you preferred it when he spent his time down below. Given your feelings towards your body, you weren’t particularly a fan of foreplay involving the area he was currently enjoying. And he knows this, which is why he presses a kiss to the centre of your chest before shifting backwards.
“Okay, are you okay to lay back? The rug should be okay and I’m gonna put one of these cushions under you.” He grabs the nearest cushion and you almost make a scandalised noise as you realise it’s your Pusheen unicorn cushion, but you don’t get chance to say anything as he’s already trying to move you.
So you relent, letting your back relax onto the soft rug and lifting your hips to let him place the cushion beneath them, lifting your lower body up to a place that was more comfortable for him to reach. Stretching slightly, you let out a slow breath before looking at your boyfriend.
And that breath turns into a low whine when you see the way he’s looking at you hungrily, desire almost a living force in his eyes. Given how ridiculously gorgeous he is, it’s an expression that makes your thighs clench in anticipation and your inner muscles convulse in an ache for him. You’ll never not be surprised that you’re the one to inspire that look in his eyes.
“Fuck,” He whispers, running a hand over his face. “Have I told you today that you’re beautiful? And I love you?” 
You look away from him then, shyness flooding you and you go to hide yourself from his roaming gaze. He loves to make you go shy with his compliments, knowing that you love them despite the way you protest meekly. And he’s not afraid to lavish his words on you, no matter how cheesy they are.
“Anyway, enough of that.” Hoseok mutters and you’re about to query him, but by the time you look back over at him you’re moaning out in pleasure, eyes squeezing shut while your head presses back against the floor. He darted down while you were distracted and all you can feel right now is the heavenly touch of his hot, wet tongue against your pussy.
“Ah fuck.” You gasp, one hand grasping the rug tightly while your other inevitably moves to grasp Hoseok’s hair tightly, the black strands soft between your fingers. The quiet grunt he gives at the pressure of the pull vibrates against your clit as he sucks on it lazily, causing your breath to quiver.
If there was something you’d discovered about yourself during sex with Hoseok, it was that you weren’t a dirty talker. In fact, you weren’t even much of a talker. Instead, you were a babbler. You just mumbled and moaned and whined whatever came to your mind at the time, utterly unaware of the noises you were making.
Hoseok had commented before that he thought it was hot, that the knowledge you couldn’t control your mouth was a turn on. He on the other hand, tended to be either pretty quiet until the end or he’d run his mouth. You’d never thought you’d like dirty talk until you’d heard him whispering utter filth into your ear, his voice strained and hoarse from the effort.
It was surprising, and also not unwanted. 
Now though, he spent the next few minutes with his mouth fully occupied. The tongue piercing that you had grown completely fond of pressed against your clit perfectly when lapped at you slowly, letting every centimetre of his tongue press against as much of you as possible before undulating it against your clit, letting the pressure and friction of the ball rile you up.
Whining, you tug at his hair desperately, feeling the familiar ball of tightened pleasure that is building. And yet it feels just out of reach, as before. Limbs tightening, you begged him to let you orgasm, to bring you over the edge that was so close and yet so far away.
But he doesn’t. Instead, he sits up and licks his lips contentedly, the slickness on them from you and not his own mouth. It’s an attractive sight and you whimper, pussy tightening on nothing at the sight of it. He doesn’t notice though, using his hand to wipe away the rest before looking over to the coffee table and grabbing the lube.
“I’m gonna use this still. You’re pretty wet but I read that you should use plenty, particularly with glass. And I don’t want to hurt you.” You’re almost bemused by the casual way he’s talking now, like he hadn’t just had his tongue buried into your pussy for the last five minutes. In fact, he’s even reading the damn label.
Frustrated, you reach and grasp his hand to attract his attention. “Just fucking put it in me.”
That gets a close lipped smile from him, the expression looking distinctly like he’s trying to stop himself from laughing and you scowl. Yes, you were being abrupt with him. But god dammit, you were lying naked in front of him, desperately horny and needy after being given excellent oral for given minutes and you just wanted to orgasm with your boyfriend once again and not just your own hand.
“Yes ma’am.” Uncapping the bottle, he tilts it up and you jolt slightly at the cool, thick liquid as it hits your swollen clit. He lets a good amount drip onto you before placing it back onto the table, his free hand moving to push the lubrication inside your entrance. For such an intimate motion, Hoseok is showing almost zero interest in having his fingers inside you as his attention is on the glass dildo.
But you moan in relief, tightening around him. He only has the one in you, but your moan attracts his attention back and he grins before adding a second, fingers curling in you and moving easily with the added lube. An almost grateful sigh escapes you and he laughs before pulling his fingers out and grabbing the dildo, wiping the excess onto the head before carefully adding even more.
The head of this dildo is bigger than Hoseok’s dick, and you’re a little nervous as he runs it along your pussy slowly. It’s incredibly cold and firm against you, the temperature causing you to shiver as it presses against the heated bundle of nerves at your centre.
“I’ll go slow, okay? You have to talk to me this time, let me know if it’s hurting or uncomfortable.” Nodding at him, you give him a small smile before your eyes widen as he pushes the tip inside you. It stretches you far more than you’d anticipated and you gasp, fingers grasping the rug tightly as he moves it.
Once it’s past your entrance, the slide is much easier given the shaft’s thinner girth but all you can focus on is how thick the head feels. There’s a brief moment of pause as Hoseok evaluates you before you nod at him and he slowly pulls it out. You grimace as it leaves you, deciding instantly that you do not like the feel of it entering and exiting.
“Don’t pull it out entirely. It...kinda hurts. Like not too bad but, I don’t like it.” You admit, causing him to frown before he nods in acknowledgement. The next few thrusts from him are much gentler as you both experiment with it and you comment on how it feels to him.
The glass is far firmer than anything you’ve had inside you before and you tell him to be careful, knowing that if he moved too hard or rough then it would probably really hurt given the lack of give in it. But you can’t deny that the overly large head is beyond pleasurable as it presses against the squishy patch of nerves on your inner wall, each movement sending sparks of overwhelming feeling through you.
“Move it like...a little down. No, not that way, so the head of it is coming up. Yeah, yeah like tha-ooh my god.” You moan, eyes falling closed as Hoseok does exactly as you suggest. The movement you’ve instructed him to do has the head pressing firmly against those nerves, the pressure intense and you convulse slightly when he moves it again.
“Oh god yes, there. There.” You pant to Hoseok, one hand moving instinctively for something and only stopping when Hoseok grasps it with his free hand, linking your fingers together and giving you something to squeeze. Like the good boyfriend he is, he keeps the dildo in that position as he moves it and you start to beg him to move it faster.
Moaning, you writhe on the floor as pleasure floods through you from the constant pressure and you half recognise the fact that you’re babbling to him to let you cum. But he knows as well as you do that you can’t orgasm from penetration alone, although given how good this feels you’re not entirely sure on that front.
Still, he understands and you almost jump off the floor when you feel the heated pressure of Hoseok’s wet tongue against your clit. A ragged moan leaves you, your free hand grasping his hair once more and tugging tightly as he licks and sucks at your clit almost playfully, enjoying your reactions for him.
You’d curse him out but you can’t quite focus, your entire body and mind centering on your pussy and the tight ball that has once more built up inside you. A small thought wonders whether you’ll not be able to reach it once more but it’s swept away quickly by the feeling of Hoseok’s piercing pressing against your engorged bud, the movement perfected over the months when he could bring you to orgasm.
And then it all combines together and your entire body tightens, loud and ragged moans being ripped from your throat as you shudder almost violently. Your hips move so powerfully that Hoseok can’t even keep movement with you, his mouth leaving you while he still moves the dildo within.
It just adds to the pleasure and you’re struck by the odd sensation of not being able to hear properly for a few seconds, the orgasm so strong that it literally knocks your senses offline. Once the wave has reached its crescendo and begins to soften again, you let out a soft whimper as Hoseok continues to move the dildo, only much slower this time.
It feels good, but almost too good and you push at his hand, telling him silently to stop. You don’t see the look of complete awe on his face when he pulls the dildo out, how he admires the visible signs of your pleasure on the transparent glass as white streaks of your own making coat it.
Instead, you’re just staring at the ceiling as your chest heaves, silent tears slipping from your eyes from just how...overwhelming everything was. The quiet clink lets you know he’s put the dildo on the table and you sniff, feeling particularly pathetic for getting so emotional over an orgasm.
“You came!” Hoseok coos, leaning over and gently resting some of his weight on you. He’s on his elbows, but your raised hips mean that you have the full weight of his own hips against you. Including the very hard erection pressed against you now. “Oh baby, don’t cry. It’s okay.”
“I’m not upset or anything, it’s okay. I just...I don’t know,” Muttering, you wipe at the tears in an almost annoyed fashion and Hoseok smiles. “I’m just feeling emotional. Which is silly. It was just an orgasm but…”
Looking at him, your heart swells with emotion for him and even more tears fall, causing him to smile softly before he wipes them away himself and kisses you. You don’t push him away, instead wrapping your arms around his neck and holding him to you so tightly, fingers pressing into his shoulders.
“It’s okay, you’ve been stressed about it for a while now. Cry if you want, I don’t mind,” He pauses, kissing your nose quickly before smiling. “I said it earlier, but I love you.”
Wiping at your eyes again, you sniff and give him a return smile that’s more than a little shaky. Letting go of him, you watch as he sits up onto his knees, looking down at you while he bites his lip. The tent in his pants is now emphasised by the wet patch that’s been caused by the combination of lube and your own excitement and you feel bad, knowing he’s put off his own pleasure.
Sitting up, you push the cushion away before taking a deep breath. You feel a little sluggish from the strength of the orgasm, but you’ll be damned if you leave him high and dry. And on Christmas no less!
“So...how about some sex for you now?” Hoseok grins immediately at your words and you can’t help but laugh at his eagerness.
“Are you sure? Are you okay? Will you be up for it?” Despite his excitement, you appreciate his words of concern and squeeze his hand in response. Giving him a quick kiss, you take a deep breath to give yourself strength before letting go of him and turning around. There’s a pause, before you get on your hands and knees and look back at him.
This was his favourite position and any playfulness has left his face as he stares at the slick mess between your legs. Licking your lips, you push away the shyness before smiling at him.
“I’ll even let you cum on my back.” His jaw drops immediately. You’d discovered Hoseok liked orgasming onto you. He proclaimed he had no real reason for enjoying it but you thought he got turned on at the physical act of ‘marking’ you in a possessive way. At least...that’s why you enjoyed it anyway.
But you don’t offer it often, so it’s not something he gets to indulge in too much.
“Happy fucking Christmas to me.” He mutters under his breath and you can’t help but laugh as he pulls his clothes off at record speed. Happy Christmas to him indeed.
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helpinghanikan · 4 years
Text
Think fast
Mathew Murdock x Reader
Sum: There’s always the elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about. Your elephant just happened to be red and supposedly blind. 
AN: This was written based on a request. Just a warning, I’m not good at dialogue nor am I good at secret feelings. Read at your own risk is what I’m saying. (Also photo is from Pixabay.com, if there’s issues with me using it I’m fix it up.)
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You had discovered a new game just minutes after Matt told you everything. Starting with a ball of rubber-bands snagged from Foggy’s desk. Thrown straight towards Matt’s head but caught by his own hand, catching it to prove his point.
Annoyance and fear for his identity as DareDevil was all forced into this game. Soft balls found abandoned, small toys snagged at offices, and, the easiest, little bouncy balls bought for a quarter. All of these were destined for Matt, filled with the spiteful words you’ve always wanted to say. Less than half ever hit their mark; either missing or he’d prove himself once again and catch it.
The only time it hits the target, of course, was when there’s witnesses.
Before thinking it through your weapon of choice has already left your hand. To you this was a moment of vindication. Only made better by Matt’s, honestly over, reaction to getting hit. A quick noise of “ah!” from him making it that much sweeter. But, to everyone else, you had just assaulted a blind man.
“Got you for once,” You said with a laugh. Only slightly aware of the looks being sent your way.
“Did you have to throw it so hard, though?” He asks, a hand placed to the side of his face.
It’s hard to say why you chose Central park specifically for the meetup. It’s a bit of a walk from Hells kitchen, about two to three miles. Enough to warrant a car or taxi ride, but not enough to warrant the price. Although, now you know that walking a distance isn’t a problem for Matt and never has been.
Because of this you didn’t ask how the journey over was. Skipping the usual questions of how the driver was and if they let him control the music. Instead just stooping down to get your weapon, stowing it away for later.
Matt’s cane swishes side to side as you walk. It was a point of interest when your friendship had started. Spending at least an hour all together worried around how you’re supposed to react around the cane. Pretend like it’s not there and let it bop into your foot or keeps tabs on it and step up whenever it comes close to hitting. You had just gotten used to the thing, no different then Matt’s glasses, when Matt revealed himself. Now the interest came back tenfold, letting the white stick hit your shoe over and over until hitting a more secluded section of the park.
“You’re bullying a blind man, you know that right?” He says, the walk slowing down to just above meandering. “Bullying the disabled, could probably sue for that.”
“Well, based on your history you can probably afford yourself. How’s that going, by the way? The free charity cases thing not the suing me thing.”
“Pro-bono work?”
“Yeah, that.” Finding and taking a seat on an empty bench saved you from saying anything else stupid. “How is it?”
Matt sits down next to you with a sigh, like his weight was too much to handle on his own feet. “It’s good, it’s really good. Doing work for the people is better than taking a paycheck, it’s you know-.”
“Good?”
“Yeah, yeah, that’s it.”
Congratulations, you’ve experienced something very, very few in the world will be able to. You’ve see the three sides of one Mr. Murdock: First there is Attorney at law Mathew Murdock, a man in a bit above cheap suit, able to have you answering the question without knowing and having an audience while doing so. Second there is the DareDevil, the man in red and horns that gives either hope or fear depending on who sees him. Finally there was Matt, just Matt Murdock who had a dry chuckle and a moral alignment that was easy to understand but was sometimes annoying.
“I’m glad you’re enjoying it. Especially after all that. All the…costumes and stuff.” You say, mentally kicking yourself for being an idiot. There was a better way to bring that up.
You had only found out because of the Devil knocking on your window. Letting the red man in, almost solely because of how Karen and Foggy seemed to trust him. Even when his voice was way too damn familiar.
You didn’t get to confirm his identity until after dealing with the cops. Two cubs who somehow got partnered together even though they were so new. Probably thinking that they’d get some serious credit if they brought in the DareDevil. Asking if they can search your apartment after seeing a “suspicious subject run up the fire escape.”
The words, “sorry, but I need a warrant first.” Came out faster then you should have. They could have come back with a warrant to search the place, but it was too weak to go through. Plus, why would they want to get the Devil off the streets? He’s doing a quarter of their jobs.
Matt was sitting on the edge of your bed when you got rid of them. Red mask with horns in his hands and a costume of braces and straps covering him. “I have to tell you something,” He said.
It was about ten minutes later that you threw the fist ball at his head.
“It’s actually a suit,” Matt corrected when the awkward silence became boring.
“Suit with little horns?” The laugh that comes with your mocking only lasts a second, long enough for Matt to smile at it. “Was it comfortable?”
Mr. I-tuck-sweatpants-into-socks Murdock shrugs. “I mean, it wasn’t silk, but it was fine. What exactly do you mean?”
“Okay, how about this; do you miss it? Wearing it and bouncing around and all that?”
He takes a second to think about how to respond. His white cane being held slightly tighter before relaxing. That was probably why he really kept the cane. Something to toy with while thinking. Acting as a key to answers that he had yet to unlock.
“No, not really. I miss the seemingly instant solutions and helping people like but not what it cost. That’s over now, though. It’s the past and I move on.” He says. A hand placed on your knee to emphasize his next words. “With what friends I have left from it all.”
The hand holding your knee was warmer than it was weeks ago. When he was in costume, I mean suit, his hand on you was too heavy to be a comfort. It was just a tool that called your attention back to his face. His actual face that was quiet until he apologized, not able to add anything else.
In that moment you had taken his hand. Feeling the glove in your hand and letting the silence settle in. Finally asking ‘what have you done?’ and staring until he spilled everything. Everything thing he’s been involved with, who knows and who could maybe figure it out. By the time he was apologizing again you were already up and on the other side of the room. Waiting for him to finally finish when you whipped around and threw the ball.
“Would you have told me if you didn’t need to hide?” You ask just as quickly as you had thrown the ball. “If you had run fast enough and gotten away or if there was a better hiding spot that didn’t involve me at all. Would you have ever told me?”
He’s holding the cane tightly again; turning the key to find the answers he didn’t have yet. The pause felt like it was lasting forever when it was only a few seconds.
He starts by speaking hesitantly; “Not that night, but I would’ve. I would have told you because it was time, not because it was convenient. Barging through your window just gave the best opportunity.”
“So, if I leave my window open tonight you’ll come in and tell me your social security number?” You the joke that calms down the emotional moment.
He chuckles softly, patting his hand on your knee while doing so. This laughing took you out of the past, leaving you two in the present, on this park bench.
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kelyon · 3 years
Text
Golden Rings 21: An Owner
The Storybrooke Sequel to Golden Cuffs
In which Lacey just wants to belong 
Read on AO3
The condom box was open. 
Lacey Gold looked down at the crumpled plastic bag in the back seat of Mr. Gold’s Cadillac with a sickening dead feeling in the pit of her stomach. She hadn’t brought the bags in last night. It had been raining too hard and she’d been too upset after she’d seen him… seen them. Her husband, and a man she didn’t know, standing close together. Touching. 
Mr. Gold never touched anyone if he could help it. He hadn’t touched her in six months. 
And now the condom box was open. And the lid was popped up on the tube of KY jelly. And there was an empty black wrapper on the red carpet of the floor mat. And last night Mr. Gold had taken the car out late and had come back even later.  
She should be grateful that there was no sign of the actual used condom. She could imagine the thing, a limp white tube, like the skin of a snake after it had shed. Would finding it make her feel any worse? It was bad enough to imagine it sliding into a garbage can, or being casually tossed out the car window. The end of her marriage--of her life as she knew it--was nothing more than another piece of litter on the highway somewhere. 
Trash. Mr. Gold had always said she was trash.
Eyes burning, Lacey grabbed the plastic bag and headed back into the house. Mr. Gold was coming out to the garage. She pushed past him.
“Aren’t you--” he began.
But she cut him off with a “No!” and unlocked the door to the kitchen. Alone in the unlit room, she braced her hands against the counter and faced the wall.  
She sounded like a child, a two-year-old throwing a temper tantrum. For a second she wondered if Mr. Gold would come back. Maybe she hoped that he would. Maybe she hoped he would come into the kitchen and ask her what was going on. As if both of them didn’t already know. Maybe she hoped that he would comfort her--that he would try to offer some sort of explanation. Maybe she hoped that he would yell at her--that he would tell her enough was enough, that he had expectations of her behavior and he didn’t give a damn how she felt. Maybe she wanted to yell at him.
No, she definitely wanted to yell at him.
That was probably why he didn’t come into the kitchen. Over the pounding in her ears, Lacey heard the sound of the Cadillac starting up and pulling out of the garage. Mr. Gold had to open the shop, after all. That had to be more pleasant than having another emotional confrontation with his hysterical madwoman of a wife.
“Coward,” she spat. Somehow, it felt like the worst possible thing she could call her husband. “Afraid of having a fucking honest conversation.”
She was still holding the bag by the handle. Strange that the plastic hadn’t melted in the heat of her rage. Strange that the cloth clutch in her other hand hadn’t started smoking. There was fire in her heart, magma flowing through her veins instead of blood. She wanted to explode. 
She was going to explode.
Stomping through the halls and up the stairs, she threw open the door to Mr. Gold’s bedroom. It had been more than a month since she had last set foot in this room, not since the shitshow that had been their anniversary.  
Lacey didn’t dwell on coming back here. She didn’t look through the empty space inside the armoire where her clothes had been. She didn’t go into the bathroom and see if her husband had let his toiletries spread out, now that hers weren’t in the way.
She didn’t look at her pillow, at her half of the bed they used to share.
What she wanted was under the bed. Three custom-made burgundy leather cases on wheels. They looked like luggage, but they had never traveled farther than Mr. Gold’s cabin. Lined up in a row, they took up the entire length of the bed. 
There was a small padlock on each case. For most of her marriage, the three keys to these three locks were the only keys she had. Mr. Gold hadn’t trusted her to come and go in his house or his shop or his car. But he had allowed her to own these. The care and keeping of their toys was her responsibility. 
Now there was a layer of dust on the leather. Mrs. Gold wiped a streak off with her hand, then wiped her hand on her beige suede skirt. The dust blended in perfectly with her ugly, colorless clothes. Her ugly, colorless self. 
 Grunting with effort, Lacey hoisted the cases up onto the bed. Clouds of dust billowed up and fell onto Mr. Gold’s coverlet but she didn’t care. Let the bastard breathe in the disuse, let him choke on it. 
One by one, she unlocked the cases. It was easier than she would have thought, after so long. But she knew the turn of these keys like she knew her own body. The motion was fluid and smooth. Even after all this time, the click of these locks opening up sent a tingle up her spine.
It had been a ritual, once, that always began with the opening of these locks. Sometimes Mr. Gold would tell her exactly what she should bring to him. Sometimes he gave her more freedom--she could pick out a selection of what she wanted or what she thought she could handle, and then he would choose which option suited him best. Sometimes he ordered her to open the cases and wait, kneeling on the floor in an empty room. He would decide what to do with her, and she would have to take it without complaint. 
Though the outside of the cases was dusty, the black velvet lining was still pristine. The contents inside were as beautiful as ever. She used to spend hours taking care of these things. Polishing the inlaid wooden paddles, rubbing the leather restraints with saddle soap, making sure the metal chains always gleamed like new. It was all high-quality, the best money could buy, so much better than a cheap slut like her deserved.
Every item had a home, and they were all laid out, neat as the jewelry cases in Mr. Gold’s shop. The dildos and butt plugs were lined up according to size, with length taking priority over girth. Coiled ropes were likewise organized by thickness and weight and how much they could hurt her. The jewel tone colors of glass and metal and silicone stood out from the black velvet, lurid and enticing.
Lacey’s fingers grazed gently over the candles and the ball gags, the collars he put her in when he wanted to feel especially owned. Clamps that used to pinch her sensitive spots, with small, polished weights that added to the pain. Mrs. Gold had taken so much pride in these things and what they could do to her. What Mr. Gold could do to her.   
The final case was more of a catch-all, where she stored the condoms and lube and massage oils. Rubber gloves, because Mr. Gold was particular about how dirty he got his hands. And the first aid kit, for when that was necessary. Rope-cutting shears, burn cream, sterile bandages and antiseptic. Everything in the last case was the sort of thing she liked to buy at the drug store all at once, to make it obvious what they were getting up to on any given day.
She had always bought more than they would ever use. That was part of the game, part of letting people wonder if they were really seeing what she was showing them. Even when Mr. Gold was fucking her three times a day, she bought enough supplies to make it look like it was ten times a day. The two of them were sex gods--or sex demons--and they wanted the whole Goddamned town to know it. 
That was why she had bought the stuff in her hands now. She’d wanted it to look like things were normal. She’d wanted to feel normal, to pretend for just a few Goddamned minutes that the whole of her reality wasn’t ripping apart at the seams. 
So she’d bought a box of condoms that she thought would never be opened. She’d bought a tube of KY jelly she thought would never be used. For the sake of… what? Nostalgia? Keeping up appearances? Hope?
Had she really hoped that they would ever use these things again?
Lacey let out a muted shriek, a pathetic mewl of rage. It was as much noise as she could make. In a blur of motion, she spun on her heel so she wouldn’t have to look at the cases. 
But everywhere she looked there was a memory. Her and her husband, using these toys, experimenting with her body, testing her limits all over this room. They’d loved it. Even if they hadn’t loved each other, they’d loved sex. They’d loved playing games together, blurring the lines between pleasure and pain, between humiliation and adoration. He loved owning her, and she loved being owned.
All of that was gone now.
“What’s the point?” she whispered. 
She’d been trying, ever since their anniversary. She’d been trying to be more than just his sex toy. She’d thought that she could be someone else, more than just Mrs. Gold. She’d thought that allowing herself to care about her family again would help.
But she couldn’t be just Lacey French anymore either. It was good to be able to talk to her dad and her friends again, but they weren’t her husband. They had no place in her sex life. She couldn’t even talk to them about the kinds of things that got her off! Platonic and familial ties were not the same as the sheer eroticism that had once defined her marriage.
Had once defined her.
Why did it still hurt? It had been months since Mr. Gold had wanted her. Why did it feel worse, now that she knew exactly who he wanted instead? A man. That was his "Belle." A gorgeous, trim, bad boy in expensive clothes. Honestly, it made sense. Of course there was no woman in Storybrooke named Belle. That was just a nickname Mr. Gold had given to him. 
It didn’t surprise her that Mr. Gold was with a man. She knew him too well to be shocked by that. Though they’d never actually gotten anyone else to play with them, he had prepared her for an encounter with anyone of any gender. He felt the same way about men that she felt about women: Beauty was beauty. Pleasure was pleasure. Sex was sex.
I love you, Belle.
And love, apparently, was love.   
Lacey dumped the contents of the bag from the drugstore into the third case. If Mr. Gold wanted to use this shit on his Belle, he was welcome to it, he had keys just like she did. She zipped the cases closed and fastened the padlocks. It wasn’t until she began hoisting them off the bed and onto the floor that an idea finally snapped into place: 
Fuck him.
She squeezed her palm around the leather handle of the first case and considered the thought for a moment. 
Fuck him.
Screw him, Janine had said, the first time she’d told her about Belle. That man is cheating on you and you don’t even get the satisfaction of walking away? 
When she’d had that conversation with her cousin, Lacey hadn’t been ready to leave Mr. Gold. Even now she wasn’t ready to walk out. How could she? She didn’t have a job or enough money to live off of. Things may be easier with her father, but she had no intention of moving back into her childhood bedroom or working at the flower shop without pay. 
The most independence she had been able to exert was moving her things across the hall to the guest room. It had felt like an exile, a self-imposed banishment. But maybe she could make that room feel a bit more like home.  
She took a breath. It felt like the first full breath she’d taken since October. Carefully, one by one, she wheeled the leather cases full of sex toys out of Mr. Gold’s room. They didn’t fit as well under the bed in the guest room--she had to push them snugly under the metal frame. It would be hard to get to them in a hurry. But they were there. They were hers.
Mr. Gold had nurtured her appetites, but he hadn’t created them. He didn’t own them. Lacey had always been a girl with a healthy imagination. The fact that she used to read every book she could get her hands on--including romances novels that were not age-appropriate--only added more fuel to her burning inner fire. 
He had expanded her horizons, he had given a form to her yearnings; but she had been looking for an adventure for as long as she could remember. Sex with him had been everything she’d ever imagined. Everything they’d ever done together was something she’d thought about doing when she was just a curious young woman, alone at night in a twin bed above the flower shop.
She’d wanted sex before Mr. Gold. She could want sex after him. 
In the early morning, with the lights off, the bedroom was a murky gray. Lacey pulled down the blinds and drew the curtains to make it even darker. Her heart was already racing, just from thinking about what she was going to do. Down in the kitchen, her pulse had pounded with the fire of anger, but now she was filling up with a sweeter, darker heat. 
She stepped out of her heels and began to unbutton her blouse. She unzipped the skirt that was the color of dust, of disappointment, and rolled down her opaque brown tights. She didn’t look in the mirror until she was naked. 
Stripped bare, except for her wedding ring. She couldn't take that off yet.
It was impossible to judge her body when it was like this. Without clothes, without a costume, she felt like she had no identity at all. She didn’t even have the marks and bruises that Mr. Gold used to brand her with. She looked like a naked Barbie doll in the bottom of a toy chest.
 Lacey had grown up knowing she was pretty, and not caring much. She had never watched her weight, like Mara, or worried about getting zits like Janine. She was lucky to fit the mold set by other girls at Storybrooke High. She’d looked enough like the models in magazines that it didn’t matter that she’d never be able to dress like them. 
After she married Mr. Gold, his opinion had become the only one that would ever matter. Her body became a mannequin that he could dress and pose as he saw fit. Sometimes he told her she was beautiful, though it was just as likely to be an insult. A pretty face with nothing behind it, just how I like my women.
Was that how he liked his men? Was that what Belle was like?
Scowling, Lacey put her hand to her breast and squeezed until it hurt. When she took her hand away, she saw the pink marks on her pale skin. 
That felt better. She breathed.
Still looking at her face in the mirror, Lacey cupped her cheek with her palm. Slowly, she dragged her hand down over her jaw. Two of her fingers caught against her lower lip, pulling down at the red inner flesh. She breathed.
Her hand rested over her throat. Ever so slightly, she pushed in, until she could feel the pressure, until she could feel her heartbeat against her fingertips. It was almost as good as a collar. Almost as good as Mr. Gold’s firm grip around her neck.
Back to her breasts, but gently this time. She was allowed to enjoy her body. She was allowed to awaken her senses. She stretched her arms up over her head, then brought them back down to her torso. Whenever Mr. Gold decided she had earned some pleasure, he would permit her to touch herself like this. Slow. Deliberate. Savoring herself. He liked it, sometimes. He liked to watch her. He liked it when she prepared herself for him.
Of course, Mr. Gold never allowed her to make herself come.  
She gave herself a final look in the mirror. There was a soft blush in her cheeks, and her pupils were wide. She licked her lips and got into bed.
The sheets were cool against her flushed skin. At first, she stretched out like a starfish, arms and legs spread wide. Then, she slowly brought her hands back to her body. 
With one hand on her diaphragm, she felt herself breathe. In, and then out. A peaceful, natural rhythm. Lacey had read a story about tantric sex once, about how it started with breathing together with your partner, that breath represented the sacred give-and-take between two people. Mr. Gold had no patience for that kind of thing. His version of give-and-take always ended in him taking more than he would ever give. 
He’s not here now. A woman's voice murmured in the depths of Lacey’s head. This is about you, sweetheart. What do you want? 
 “I want…” she whispered. Her teeth chattered as her hand crept lower down her belly. “I want…”
She let herself relax. She closed her eyes, let her weight sink into the mattress. She let her mind drift off wherever it wanted to. 
Using her other hand, she rolled her nipple between her thumb and forefinger. This hurt too, but it was a gentler pain than when she’d left the marks. It was a soft burn, that resonated with the growing warmth between her legs. 
“You like pain, dearie.” This voice was different than the first one. It was a man’s voice, high and mocking. She liked it. “Pain makes you wet!”
The man’s voice was right. When she slid her palm over the short hairs on her pubic mound--she hadn’t shaved in weeks--and dipped her fingers between her lips, she was coated in a sticky layer of warm fluid. 
“Good girl.” Now his voice is low and rumbling. “I knew you could make yourself wet for me.”
“Rumple,” Lacey whispered. She didn’t know why she said that. She only knew it felt right.
“Rumple!” Her voice is a high, keening whine. Her husband has kept her teasing herself for hours now. He has enchanted her to be unable to bring herself to completion no matter how hard she tries--and she has been trying very hard. “Rumple, please…”
“Please…” She covered her pubic area with the flat of her hand and slowly began to curl her fingers. 
“Please what, dearie?” Her husband chirps. They are in the dining room of their castle. He walks a spirited dance around her, while she has her legs and back bound to the stone wall. He is fully dressed and she is naked, just like old times. The only difference is that she isn’t wearing her cuffs. Instead, both of them have their golden rings. 
“Please let me, Rumple,” Lacey begged to no one.
He makes a noise, a play-mournful tut. “Is something troubling you, little thing? Do you have an itch that you cannot scratch? A desire you cannot assuage?”
 “Yes!” she gasps. Her hips rock against her wrist. Her hand is buried in her secret places, but her efforts only stoke the fire without easing it. 
Pretending to be thoughtful, he taps his finger against his lips. “I don’t think you’re wet enough,” he says. Apparently he is deaf to the rhythmic sloshing noise coming from between her legs. “No, not nearly as wet as I know you can be, my sweet slut. Not wet enough for the Dark One’s whore!”
Lacey’s back arched at those words. She felt her cunt quiver under her fingertips. Her breath was coming faster now. 
His breath is hot and cruel against her ear. He holds up a riding crop for her to see. “Are you ready for me to make you wetter, my thing?”
“Oh!” she moans. But she knows that isn’t an answer. He won’t do anything until she gives him an answer. “Yes,” she cries. “Yes, please!”
The crop comes down against the outside of her thigh. Behind her closed eyes she sees it as a lightning flash in brilliant red. The burning pain piles on to her lust, pushes her to yet another peak.
“Oh,” Lacey groaned. With her free hand she rubbed at her outer thigh. Could she feel the burning from her fantasy? Or was it just her fevered imagination?  
Again and again he strikes her. The pain courses through her body and sends her mind to that place of sublime safety and peace. He knows what he is doing to her, and they both love it. This is what it means to be owned: To know that he knows her so well, that he wants only what she wants, even the things it would shock another man to give her. She rests in that certainty. She lets herself go.
“Please,” Lacey said again. Her orgasm rose up in her belly. God, her first orgasm in six months. The first one she’d taken without permission in as long as she could remember. She stayed in the fantasy. “Please, Rumple, will you tell me I can come?”
The moment where her husband doesn’t speak is interminable, unendurable. If it weren’t for the enchantment, she would have already come a dozen times. She wouldn’t have been able to stop herself. His eyes lock onto hers, black and gold and beautiful. His mouth opens, his pink tongue darts over his gray-green lips. When he speaks, his voice is low and natural, sincere. 
He sounds just like Mr. Gold.
“Come for me, sweetheart,” he breathes.
It was like a firework went off in her body. A thousand fireworks. The whole Goddamned Fourth of July happening within a single instant. Lacey shook and moaned and clamped down on her own hand. Over and over, she clenched and released. She pushed herself to peak after peak, while she imagined the cackling demon, the monster who loved her and who had helped her find this pleasure. 
Limp and boneless, she slides down the wall onto the floor. He is there to catch her, to hold her while she trembles through the aftershocks. They sit together on the ground while he cradles her in his arms.
“You are so good, my darling.” He soothes her with words while she is too wrung-out to speak. “You are the most marvelous creature in the world.”
“Yours,” she whispered to a lover who wasn’t there. Laying on her side, she wrapped the blanket around herself so it felt like his arms. “I’m your creature, Rumple. I love you.”
“And I love you too.” He kisses her, caresses her. He runs his hands through her hair. “Gods, Belle, I love you so much.”
Lacey’s eyes popped open. She sat, bolt upright, in bed. 
Fuck. She was going to barf. She was going to implode. This was worse than finding the box of condoms. This was taking a bite out of an apple and finding half a worm.
Fuck!
Grabbing one of her pillows, Lacey flung her face into it and screamed. It was so fucking unfair! Bad enough that this bullshit was in her real life. How the hell had Belle invaded her fantasies too? 
“Jesus!” She threw the pillow down and smacked her head into her hands. Her fingers reeked of pussy. She had never hated a smell so much. How fucking unfair, how fucking absurd was it that she couldn’t even masturbate without feeling like a failure?
Her husband would never love her. Even when she dreamed about him, he was crooning over someone else. She had to get him out of her head. He had replaced her a long time ago. She would have to give him up too. 
She would have to give herself to someone else. 
Moving automatically, she got out of bed and went to the bathroom down the hall. She took a shower--long and hot--and covered herself in layer after layer of soaps and lotions and perfumes. Anything to get rid of the stink of desperation that seeped up from between her legs and clung to her fingers. 
Should she shave her cunt as well as her legs and armpits? Yes. Yes, she wanted to be ready for whatever would happen next.
  Back in her bedroom--not the guest bedroom, her bedroom, Goddammit!--she pulled out a long-neglected drawer of lingerie sets. Lately, she’d just been grabbing the first pair of panties she could get her hands on, and whatever bra was most comfortable. Whenever Lacey stopped by Sugar’n’Spice, Mara informed her of the joys of sports bras and underwear made of cotton. But she hadn’t been willing to take that step yet. It felt like giving up. 
Today she wore a bustier that Mr. Gold had never liked. It was dark, royal purple, trimmed in black lace. Silver hooks fastened it up the front. Lacey had bigger boobs than her tiny frame would indicate, but she was still grateful for the pale mounds of cleavage that this bustier produced once she had it on. She had to dress to impress. 
A tiny thong in black lace and purple silk matched the bustier. The space between the end of the bustier and the start of the thong revealed a thin strip of pink flesh. When Lacey pulled the elastic waistband it snapped against her skin and stung. Oh, that felt better. 
The more clothes she put on, the more relaxed she felt. This was right. This was normal. Wide-holed fishnet stockings, one of the shortest skirts she had--the black one with an electric blue tulle underskirt. A black blouse that was low cut enough and transparent enough to show off her bustier. Her hair went up in a wild, messy bun. She wore silver jewelry and slut red makeup. The final touch was to slip into her tallest pair of shiny black heels.
It was a lot of dressing up just to go downstairs, but it was the most settled she’d felt in a long time. No longer a naked Barbie, she knew who she was. Even without Mr. Gold, she could still be a walking sex dream. Strutting through the halls of his house, she finally felt worthwhile.
She went to his study, to his desk. She sat in his big leather chair and took out a bottle of his liquor. Johnnie Walker Blue Label. Two hundred dollars a bottle. Lacey’s mind flashed to the first time he had brought her into his study. He had taught her how to pour whiskey and serve it to him in a crystal tumbler. Looking at the liquid in the blue glass bottle, the shifting browns and golds looked like his eyes.
His eyes could be so beautiful…
Shaking her head, Lacey grabbed a tumbler and dumped the whiskey in. She swallowed it down without looking at it and grimaced. Not that the booze was bad--it wasn’t--or that she was inexperienced with liquor--she wasn’t. But this was just a day for grimacing. Any day when you were downing whiskey before noon wasn’t a good day.
But it was going to get better. 
All the voices in her head had gone silent since she’d ended the fantasy. Having a drink made things even quieter. For once, it was peaceful inside her mind. For once, she knew what she was doing.
Mr. Gold had a Rolodex on his desk, with the phone numbers for everyone in Storybrooke who owed him a favor. In other words, everyone in Storybrooke. She flipped through the cards until she found the name she was looking for. The person who might be able to help her. Her own personal savior. 
The phone number was a direct line. Mr. Gold wouldn’t have bothered writing down anything less. Heart racing, Lacey picked up the big black phone and began to dial. 
It picked up on the first ring. 
“Gold?” A woman said on the other end.
“No.” Lacey’s voice sounded high-pitched and nervous. Weak. She swallowed. “No, Madame Mayor, it’s me. Mrs. Gold.”  
There was a faint exhalation of breath, like someone who had just received an unexpected but lovely surprise. When Mayor Mills spoke, her voice was warm. “Why, Mrs. Gold! How nice to hear from you.”
Lacey bit her lip. This was the right thing to do, she shouldn’t feel nervous. “I, uh, I’ve been thinking about what you said the other day. About your offer to talk, to help me.”
“Yes?” It was almost a purr, velvety and rich. “Are you ready to take my help then, dear?”
She twirled the phone cord around her finger. The bustier was making it hard to breathe. “I think so.”
“I’ve been waiting to hear you say that for a long time, Mrs. Gold. Why don’t you stop by my office later this evening, so we can have a chat?”     
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haileyyanneupton · 4 years
Text
close my eyes
CHICAGO P.D | JAY HALSTEAD X HAILEY UPTON 
WARNINGS: MENTION OF SEXUAL ASSAULT, MENTION OF BLOOD
She had known for a while that he was her world. The way he looked at her made her stomach do backflips, every time his hands brushed up against her she would feel the tingling linger for what felt like forever. She would catch herself thinking about him all the time — after working herself into the independent and self-assured person she was, the fact that he was consuming her every thought was infuriating.
It had been a hard few days for Hailey. The intelligence unit had been working on a case involving a family who had been the subject of a robbery-turned-homicide where only one person survived — the seven year old daughter. Hailey had been the first one on the scene along with Vanessa after the two of them had offered to work patrol one night, the two women being the ones to discover the massacred mother and children. The mother had been raped and the surviving daughter sexually assaulted, leaving the intelligence unit to take on the case right after the crime scene was cleared.
"There was nothing we could have done, Hailey," Vanessa reminded the blonde haired woman gently after finding her standing over the sink in the locker room later that day. "They were gone before we even got there."
"There's a little girl who's all alone now. What's going to happen to her? She's only going to be thrown into the system and forgotten about — you of all people should know that."
"I do know that, but it still doesn't make it any more your fault."
"Maybe not. But I'm still the one who had to break the news to her today."
Vanessa frowned at the woman as she rubbed circles on her back comforting before giving Hailey some time alone, not knowing that Jay had been inadvertently eavesdropping from the other side of the lockers. As he came out and around, making his presence known, he watched as Hailey stared sadly into the basin as droplets of water fell from the forever leaky faucet.
She had always been there for him when he was going through a hard time. From flashbacks from his time in Afghanistan to when his father had passed away, his partner Hailey Upton could always be counted on for support. Hailey wasn’t one to show her emotions — Jay knew that — so seeing her standing here the way she was, so stressed and upset. . . it broke his heart. In more ways than she would ever know.
“Hey,” Jay’s voice was soft as he called out to his partner lightly. “You okay?”
Hailey flinched in surprise, though the motion was so slight that only she had noticed it. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.”
Jay seemed unconvinced, but the man didn’t want to push it. Hailey already seemed fragile enough to him since this case had started — it seemed that it had well and truly shaken her to the core.
“Well, you. . . you know if you. . . if you need anything. . .”
“I know.” Hailey forced a smile towards her partner as she ran her hands through her hair, turning to face him. “Thanks, Jay.”
As Hailey went to walk out of the locker room, Jay placed a hand on her shoulder in passing causing her heart to pound inside of her chest. At a time where it was crucial that she was on her a-game, a time where she needed to concentrate on solving the case, all she could think about was Jay and how much she was in love with him. How much she didn’t want to be in love with him, yet how much she loved being in love with him — the word love was floating around far too much in the woman’s mind. Never had she ever felt so vulnerable around another person, but with Jay — it was like her walls were melting down like hot wax and she wasn’t even aware of it.
In the end, the seven year old that Hailey and Vanessa had found at the house ended up having an aunt back in Indiana came and picked her up. Despite the fact that she knew now that the little girl had luckily avoided the system, despite the fact that they had put the guy who did this behind bars, Hailey still found herself feeling uneasy. She knew it was partly because of her feelings for Jay looming over her — after all, that one had been sticking around since before the case started — but the other part was something that left her hands shaky. You see some bad cases on the job — particularly in intelligence — but this one had hit her like a freight train and then dragged her heart along for the ride. The other part of what was leaving Hailey feeling unsteady was what she had seen that day with Vanessa. And while Vanessa could process it by talking to people about it, (Hailey knew that ‘people’ really meant Kevin though, and all of the nights she had come home after midnight after ‘talking’ really meant something else) Hailey wasn’t one to do that. She hadn’t ever been one to do that. In a way, it made her feel like a hypocrite — a quality she hated about herself.
Hailey was sitting at home alone one night later that week, part of her missing Vanessa as she went to go and ‘talk’ to ‘people’ for the third night in a row, when a knock sounded at the door. It had caught her off guard to say the least, the noise echoing through to her bones as she instinctively felt for the gun holstered on her hip, resting a hand atop of it just in case. It was always just in case with Hailey.
Keep a bottle of hand sanitiser in your locker just in case you need to clean your hands in a pinch. Keep an extra box of tampons in your purse just in case you, or someone else needs one. Keep a pocket knife in your shoe in case you need to cut something open. Keep your gun on you just in case someone attacks you. Keep your guard up just in case someone tries to stab you in the back. Keep other people out in case you hurt them.
Just in case.
The last one always seemed to do more damage to her than to others, but Hailey could live with that. She had lived a solitary life for so long, pushing away everybody — particularly the men — in her life for so long that whenever she considered letting someone in, alarm bells started ringing and her brain flashed red.
When she didn’t answer right away, the person at the door knocked once more, this time with a bit more force as Hailey snapped out of her trance and cautiously headed to the source of the noise. Standing up on her tip-toes to look through the peephole, the face of her partner staring back at her bought her anxiety down for a moment, before it peaked at an all time high once more. This was the first time since she had realised her feelings for the man that he had been to her house. Her house. Alone.
“Well, are you going to let me in, or am I going to have to get hypothermia first?”
A small chuckle escaped Hailey’s lips as she unlocked the deadbolt on the door and opened it up just wide enough for the man to come inside, a dusting of snow from the cold Chicago winter covering his dark hair. As the door closed once again with a distinct click, Hailey took notice of the bag in Jay’s hand and glanced between him and said bag with an eyebrow cocked.
“I bought drinks, but we’ll talk about that later. For right now, I want to know if you seriously were going to see how long you could make me stand out there before my heart stopped and I froze to death. Because if you were, well. . . that’s not very nice.”
Hailey rolled her eyes at Jay playfully. “Yes, I took a while getting to the door because the world just revolves around you. I couldn’t possibly be doing something that didn’t involve waiting for you, Jay Halstead.”
“I knew it,” Jay grinned toothily. “Anyway — I bought us some beers. Figured you wouldn’t mind the company considering Vanessa has vanished into thin air again.”
“She’s with Kevin.”
“She told you that?”
“Oh, hell no. I just know.”
Jay shook his head with a smile. “Of course you do.”
Hailey ran her hands through her hair before resting her hands on her waist comfortably, glancing up at Jay for only a moment before her gaze fell back down to her feet. Deep down, she knew why he had come. She hadn’t hidden the effect this case had had on her as well has she’d hoped, but she still wanted to ask.
“Why. . . Why are you here, Jay?”
Her attempt at making her question sound less harsh than it was failed miserably as his expression changed slightly, the sparkle in his eyes dimming as he stared at her with a hurt expression.
“I was worried about you,” he answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I guess I wanted to check in on you.”
“Thanks, but I don’t need a babysitter.”
The sparkle dimmed some more. “I know you don’t, Hailey. I never said you did. Sometimes it’s nice to have company when you’re going through something — you’re the one who taught me that, remember?”
Hailey didn’t answer, instead shifting her weight awkwardly as she favoured her other leg and bought her hand up to her opposite arm, rubbing it absentmindedly.
“I’m okay, Jay. You can go home, enjoy your night. We just closed a case, you shouldn’t have to listen to me.”
“Are you kidding?” Jay moved closer to Hailey, their shoulder’s nearly touching. “Hailey, I’d listen to you talk about anything any day of the week. I just — I want to know you’re not forcing yourself to deal with this by yourself.”
“I don’t know what to tell you, Jay. I don’t know what to say. I’m figuring some stuff out.”
“How about a beer and a friend while you do?”
He was trying so hard. She could see that. Hesitantly, Hailey obliged to the man’s request as she nodded her head lightly, the sparkle re-igniting in his eyes. As Hailey and Jay both went further into the woman’s house, heading into the kitchen, they both took seats beside each other at the kitchen island as Jay pulled out the beer he had bought. It wasn’t overly cold but thankfully wasn’t room temperature either — it was just right for Hailey, who had always run cold already, especially in the winter.
Dropping the bottle cap on the island, the circular object making a metallic sound as it spun for a second or two before settling, Hailey bought the bottle to her lips and took a swing. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see her partner struggling to open up his own bottle which provided great amusement to the woman as she simply watched him try and fail. Finally he ended up sliding the bottle over to her with a pout, huffing when Hailey managed to open it on the first try without hassle.
“Show off,” Jay whined as she slid the bottle back over to him.
Hailey smirked at the man. “Grow some muscles then. Or are the ones you have just for show?”
“Don’t insult my muscles!”
Hailey cracked a smile as she and Jay shared in a laugh, each of them taking another swig of their respective beer bottles before Jay cleared his throat to begin to speak.
“Do . . . Do you . . . I mean you don’t have to but. . . do you wanna talk about it?”
Hailey recused back into her shell. “About what, Jay?”
“What’s bothering you. This case. Anything.”
A small yet still shaky sigh escaped her lips as she debated taking the man up on his offer. She wanted to get it out of her system — she needed to — but it was like she was repeatedly hitting some kind of brick wall every single time she tried. Start slow, she thought. Build up to it.
Slowly, she turned her head to face her partner but still refused to meet his gaze which held nothing but concern — though she didn’t know that. Jay just wanted her to be okay. He knew what it was like.
“What do you see when you close your eyes?” Hailey started, biting down on her lip nervously. “Because at the moment, all I can see is those kids dead on the floor. The bruises on that seven year old’s thighs. Blood. God, there. . . there was so much blood, Jay.”
Hailey bought a hand up to her mouth as she fought like hell to keep her tears at bay, Jay taking notice of the whites of her eyes slowly but surely turning red like they always did when she was about to cry. Jay had seen it only a few times before, but nonetheless — it was unmistakeable.
Jay placed a hand on Hailey’s hand, lacing his fingers in with hers as he gave it a quick squeeze for comfort.  “It’ll be okay, Hails. It’s not your fault.”
“I thought once there was somebody who wasn’t me to blame, it would be easier. But it’s not.”
“I know.”
Hailey took another sip of her beer as she turned her head away, the tears that had been collecting having no other place to go but down her cheeks. Once the tears fell it was as if the floodgates opened, a hiccuping sob taking her off guard. As if it were an automatic response, Jay stood up and wrapped his arms around Hailey from behind as she sunk into him.
She couldn’t help but think about how safe she felt with Jay. How perfectly their bodies melted together as if they were made for each other.
As his arm rested across her chest, holding her close to him, he couldn’t help but think about how much he never wanted to stop holding her. Because when she was close to him, he felt full and complete — when she wasn’t, the emptiness stabbed his heart like a knife over and over and over again.
“I’m sorry,” Hailey muttered out between her strained, quiet cries. “I’m sorry, Jay.”
“Hailey, don’t be sorry.” His voice was soft and tender as his chin naturally found its place on her shoulder, the chair she was sitting on giving her a height advantage she wouldn’t normally have. “I’m here as long as you want me to be, alright?”
Hailey nodded lightly in response. She knew she wasn’t thinking straight, she knew she was probably going to regret what she was about to do. In fact, she probably should have called ahead to Platt to have her transfer papers drawn up. But before she could talk herself out of it, Hailey hastily wiped her tears from her face before peeling Jay off of her and turning to the man with an anxious expression.
“Jay,” she began, her heart pounding so hard she could feel it pulsing throughout her entire body. “I need to tell you something.”
His eyebrows formed a V shape as he tilted his head ever so slightly. “Yeah?”
“Please just promise me that you won’t hate me even though you probably have every right to and —“
“Hailey, just tell me. I couldn’t ever hate you.”
She gripped onto the kitchen island beside her, feeling weak as the words spilled out of her.
“I think — I think I love you, Jay. And I know you don’t feel the same, and I know that this probably changes everything between us, but I can’t pretend it’s not there anymore. Not when you’re hugging me the way you were and making me fall more in love with you with every second. You don’t even realise you’re doing it!”
Jay met Hailey’s eyes for a moment before looking away.
“I never got to answer your question about what I see when I close my eyes.”
Hailey grimaced at the man’s statement, her eyes filling with tears and her heart preparing to shatter. He was changing the subject — he didn’t feel the same way. He was avoiding what she had said completely, pretending the words hadn't left her mouth.
“Really, Jay? If you’re going to —“
“Hailey, stop,” Jay placed a hand on her shoulder as she shrugged it off. “Do you want to know what I see when I close my eyes?”
Jay was met with silence as Hailey stared at a fixed spot on the wall.
“It’s you, Hailey. It’s been you since the first time I ever saw you."
hi so this is my first published oc oneshot, i hope you all like it! i write a lot and have since i was little but i get really nervous sharing my writing with people uhhhhhh.... if you do like it and want me to publish some more please let me know because i’d be really happy to post more!!!
READ PART TWO HERE
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