#i just gotta bust out chapter 7 of im alright if you’re alright and then boom

[081314]

Book 7: The Ruler of the Abyss – Chapter 3 (Part 1)

Following is part 1 of my translation of Chapter 3 of Book 7: The Ruler of the Abyss. This part contains episodes 7-38 to 7-43.

Main storyline spoilers after the cut!!

Episode 7-38

(Beeeep, beeeep)

Idia: ….ZZzz…Z…

(Beeep beeep)

Idia: …..Ugh, would ya shuddup… Who is it?

(Idia answers the phone)

???: Ah, you finally picked up. It’s morning already, come on.

Idia: …Who are you?

Ortho: Who am I…? What, did you forget your own little brother? It’s me, Ortho.

Idia: Ortho? No, Ortho’s in my room…. Huh? Wait a sec…

Ortho: Big bro, we haven’t shared a room together since we were little kids. You sound like you’re still half-asleep.

Idia: But you and me are attending Night Raven College together… Huh. Huh? Ortho, where are you right now?

Ortho: What? I’m…. At Royal Sword Academy. Today’s the entrance ceremony, and I’m a freshman! Isn’t Night Raven College having their entrance ceremony today, too? You were saying before that you absolutely couldn’t oversleep, since this is the first time you’ll be performing your duties as a housewarden and all, and you asked me to give you a call in the morning.

Idia: Is… That right? I guess so.

Ortho: I know we’re going to different schools and all, but I’m still really happy I get to go to a school on Sage’s Island since you’re here.

Idia: Gotcha, so you’re in high school now, huh….

Ortho: Ah ha haha! Why are you talking like mom and dad? Alright, I’ll be going now… You better not go back to sleep after I hang up! Bye!

(The call ends)

Idia: Ahh, my head feels all fuzzy. Maybe I got a little too into my gaming last night. Wait, why did I even ask Ortho to give me a wake-up call? The entrance ceremony here doesn’t start till tonight. …Meh, whatever. Today’s a happy day 'cause Ortho’s finally starting high school. Let’s see if I can’t kill some time until the ceremony.  …Guess I’ll just start on my dailies for now. I’ll take a look-see at the items I got from that quest yesterday and clean up my inventory a bit… I can just sell whatever I don’t need.

[Muscle Crimson has logged in]

Idia: Huh? It’s Muscle Crimson-Shi. He usually doesn’t log on this early.

Gloomurai: Muscle Crimson-Shi, thx for going on that farming spree w me last night! The drop rate was ass tho

Muscle Crimson: Ah, if it isn’t Gloomurai. Thank you for your assistance last night, too. Thanks to you, I believe I’ll be able to craft that new weapon I’ve been eyeing.

Gloomurai: Oooh u mean that long sword? u gotta bust it out on our next quest!

Muscle Crimson: Yes, of course. I owe everything to you, after all. Ah, and I ended up picking up the materials for that helmet you’ve been wanting in a drop. Would you please accept them from me?

Gloomurai: WHAT!! fr!? but those items are super rare u could get so much money if u sold them…

Muscle Crimson: How about the two of us take on our next quest together decked out in our new equipment?

Gloomurai: siiiick. man im so happy rn…. ty ty ty～

Muscle Crimson: By the way, it’s quite unusual for you to be logged in at this hour. Do you have the day off today?

Gloomurai: i got plans tonight so i figured id wrap up my dailies now. wby

Muscle Crimson: I am also free until tonight.

Gloomurai: u wanna crush some daily quests w me?

Muscle Crimson: That would be much appreciated. Then please allow me to accompany you.

Gloomurai: k im gonna hop off now. gg!

Muscle Crimson: Of course, today was a lot of fun. Until we meet again.

[Muscle Crimson has logged out]

Idia: Phew. I only meant to do my dailies, but we ended up going kinda overboard and doing a buncha side quests. And thanks to all those super rare materials he gave me, I was able to make some new equipment…. Today’s been totally awesome so far. …Oof, I gotta start getting ready. Got that big entrance ceremony coming up and the whole student body has to be there. What a pain in the ass. I got a bad feeling today’s about to take a 180 nosedive… This sucks. If Ortho wasn’t looking forward to this so much, who…..Huh? Wait, Ortho doesn’t have anything to do with it. ‘Cause he’s enrolled at Royal Sword Academy, not NRC. The heck am I saying. ..Aah, whatever. I’ll just go change into my ceremony outfit… Yikes, it’s still got a cleaning service tag on it and the date’s from last year. And I thought I was the shut-in, this thing only thing leaves the room, like, once a year. LOL.

Episode 7-39

Idia: Ngh… The entrance ceremony’s about to start… I’m feeling weirdly nervous. I got a feeling something bad’s gonna happen, and I don’t like it. Anyways, why do the housewardens even have to go around and greet everybody in the first place? We’re just a bunch of randos to the freshies. We’re gonna go up and be like, “congrats on being admitted” and they’ll be like, “uhh who tf are you?”…

???: Is that you, Shroud?

Idia: Eep!?

Malleus: So, it is you. How unusual.

Idia: M-Malleus-shi… Why’re you here?

Malleus: How long has it been? Ha ha, I haven't seen you much since you became housewarden.

Idia (thinking to himself): (Malleus Draconia….. The crown prince of Briar Valley and Diasomnia's housewarden! He's totally an ultra SSR character who should be headlining the orientation! So what's he doing here?!)

Malleus: And I never thought to run into you outside, of all places. What are you up to?

Idia: Y'know. I decided I'd just, uh...go... You know. Same as you.

Malleus: I see. Same as me.

(beep beep beep)

Idia: Huh? Something’s beeping.

Malleus: Yes… That was this fellow here. It appears it’s hungry. Now then, what kind of food shall I give you today….

Idia: Hold up!!!! That’s a “Gao Gao Drakon-kun!” And it’s a first gen!!!

Malleus: Oh, my. Are you familiar with it?

Idia: Yeah, but I’ve only played with the kind that has color LCD screens. This is insane, I can’t believe you have a first gen unit! I had no idea people even still played with them.

Malleus: …Indeed. It’s broken down more times than I can count, but I’ve always had it repaired. From now on, I intend to take care of it the best that I can, and treasure it… For a long, long time.

Idia: Woooah. I bet your Drakon-kun’s gotta be super happy since you care about it so much.

Malleus: ….Heh heh heh. I do hope everyone else feels the same.

Idia: Huh? What you mean “everyone”…..?

Lilia: Oooi, Malleus! Where are you?

Malleus: Lilia, I’m over here.

Lilia: Goodness grief, I was looking everywhere for you…. Hm? Ah, if it isn’t Ignihyde’s new housewarden, Idia Shroud.

Idia: Ack..! … H-Hello….

Lilia: I see, so you two must’ve been deepening your friendship as fellow wardens. Well, isn’t that lovely.

Idia: N-No, that’s… Not what we were…                       

Lilia: Nevertheless, the entrance ceremony is about to begin. We can’t have two housewardens - and two seniors, at that - show up late, can we? You’ll set a bad example for everyone.

Malleus: Indeed. Let’s set off for the mirror chamber, then.

Idia: ……….. Huh? It feels like…. I’m having déjà vu.

Malleus: Shroud? What’s the matter?

Idia: Ah- No it’s…. It’s nothing.

Malleus: Heh heh… What a strange one you are.

(Mirror Chamber)

Riddle: Alright, that wraps up the entrance ceremony and dormitory sorting, yes? Listen to me well, freshmen. At Heartslabyul, I am the rule. And I shall have the heads of any who dare disobey me.

Leona: *yaaaawn* Finally, that boring ass ceremony’s over. Let’s hurry up and head back to the dorm already. Savannaclaw students, follow me.

Azul: My dear freshman, let me offer you my sincerest congratulations on your admission to our humble school! As the warden of Octavinelle, I’ll be working hard to support you in your endeavors, so that you may make the most out of your time here.

Idia: (Huh… I was bracing myself for the worst... That was honestly kind of a letdown. I mean, no news is better than good news.)

Ignihyde Student: Warden Shroud, let’s start heading back to the dorm now.

Idia: Ah… Sure. Kay, freshies come with me.

Malleus: I am Malleus Draconia, the warden of Diasomnia. I give you my warmest welcome to our dorm. Come, follow me.

Ignihyde Freshman A: Look over there, It’s Malleus Draconia… In the flesh.

Ignihyde Freshman B: I wonder if it’s true that he’s descended from dragons…. Even from this far away the guy’s intimidating as hell…

Ignihyde Student: Eyes over here, freshman. You’ll get lost if you don’t pay attention.

Idia: ………?

Ignihyde Student: What’re you looking around for, Warden Shroud? Did you forget something?

Idia: No, it’s not that. I just… Forget it. It’s fine.

Ortho: Sweet. Sounds like everything went great, big bro.

Idia: I wouldn’t say it went great… But it did go off without a hitch, so. What about you, Ortho?

Ortho: I remember you really freaked me out when you said you got stuck rooming with four people and had no privacy at all during your freshman year. So you can imagine how worried I got when I found out this school has dorms, too… But I think things are gonna go really well with my roommates. We were having a lot of fun earlier talking about sports and gaming.

Idia: Yeah, ‘cause you’re not all doom and gloom like me. When you got your acceptance letter to Royal Sword Academy, it made total sense to me. Since they’re famous for taking in those sparkly extrovert type of guys, ya know.  ….I’m really glad that you got to make new friends.

Ortho: Yeah…. Aww, crap! The warden’s making his rounds. It’s time for lights out. I’ll call you again, big bro. Good night!

Idia: Good night, Ortho.

(The phone call ends)

Idia: *sigh* …..And so starts another year, I guess… …….What the heck… Why do I feel like I’m forgetting something really important…. ……Whatever.

(TL Note: Some of the dialogue from when Mal is talking to Idia is the exact same lines from Idia’s Ceremonial Robes vignette, and I’ve copied the official EN lines from the places that are duplicated because I am lazy).

Episode 7-40

[It’s thundering….]

Maleficent: It’s incredible! Sixteen years and not a trace of her. Are you sure you searched everywhere?

Goon: Y-Yeah, everywhere. We searched mountains, uhhh… forests and houses, and, uh, lemme see… Aaalll the cradles.

Maleficent: Fools!

Maleficent: Search for a maid of sixteen. Go, and do not fail me.

Fauna: You’re already betrothed to Prince Philip, dear.

Aurora: But that’s impossible. How could I marry a prince? I’d have to be…

Merryweather: A princess.

Fauna: And you are, dear.

Maleficent: Touch the spindle. Touch it, I say!

Maleficent: You poor, simple fools. Thinking you could defeat me. Me! The Mistress of all Evil!

Yuu: She’s so obsessed…

Yuu: This is…?

Yuu: That’s right, Tsunotarou used his magic and…

Yuu: I wonder where everybody is?

Grim: Zzzzz….. *mumbles*

Yuu: Grim!

Grim: Waah, it’s rainin’ tuna cans～ I’m a tuna can millionaire…. *mumbles* …Man, I can’t eat all these…

(Yuu shakes Grim)

Grim: This is awesome… I hope things stay like this forever…

Yuu: Grim, wake up already!

Grim: Wha-!? What the heck are you doin’, henchman!? …Huh? …Where’d my mountain of tuna cans go? Wait… Wait! Don’t tell me… I was just dreaming? Aww, maaaan. This sucks…. Actually, when did we get back to Ramshackle? Weren’t we just at Diasomnia for Lilia’s going away party like a second ago? And then… And then Tsunotarou showed up all of a sudden…. Ah! And then he knocked us flat on our butts! And after that… I don’t remember.

Yuu: I don’t see any of the other partygoers around.

Grim: Let’s go take a look outside.

Episode 7-41

Grim: Let’s go take a look outside.

(They try to open the door, but it’s locked)

Grim: Huh!? The door won’t open! Maybe it got busted again? Kay, then let’s just go out the window… AAAH!? T-There’s s-something outside the window!! It’s a huge monster…! Wait, what? There’s a weird drawing on the window! Who the heck did this!? Somebody’s been drawin’ graffiti on our dorm! …Hm? It felt like I stepped on something just now…

Ottoman Dog: Bark bark bark!!

Grim: Uwaah! A dog!?

Ottoman Dog: Grr! Bark bark!

Yuu: The ottoman’s acting like a dog!?

Grim: I’ve never seen any animal like that before! Weird…. How come it’s in Ramshackle!?

Yuu: Wait a second… This room isn’t…

Grim: Huh? Wait, this… This isn’t our room. The vibes are kinda simliar, but it’s not Ramshackle. Where the heck are we!?

Yuu: Let’s look around.

Grim: Ah! Henchman, look at that desk over there! That nut cracker’s havin’ a field day popping open all those walnuts. And it’s eating the hull. I guess it thinks that part is the tasty part? I’m still stuffed from the party, but… It sure would be rude not to eat the nuts he’s working so hard to open. Let’s dig in! *Crunch crunch* …Mmm, it smells so good.

(Grim eats the nuts and grows several times larger)

Grim: Waaaah!? The heck just happened!? I got huge!!!

(Grim shrinks back to normal size)

Grim: T-That scared the crap outta me! What happened? I mean, I always wished I could be a big guy, but if I got that big I’d get totally stuck in this room. Oh, yeah. I remember in our magical pharmacology class… We learned there’s these magic mushrooms in the Queendom of Roses that can make you grow bigger or shrink really little. But I don’t remember anything about magic walnuts! When I see Crewel next week I’m gonna give him a piece of my mind!

Grim: There’s a pair of gloves dancing with a hat! This magic is so cool～ Other than the gloves, there’s also some playing cards covered in ink and …. this. Is this a magical pen?

Yuu: It doesn’t have a magical stone in it. It’s just a normal fountain pen.

Grim: Huh. But it looks like it’s outta ink. …And over there’s a dancing music box, and over there’s a jumpin’ umbrella… This place is filled with all sorts of weird stuff! The heck is this room?

Mickey: There’s a moving sofa and an ottoman that acts like a dog… And a table with a nutcracker on it. Can you see them?

Yuu: Maybe this is the room that Mickey’s always in?

(the room starts warping)

Grim: Aah! What the!? T-The room’s getting all wonky! What’s goin’ ooon!! Waaaaah!!

(the room goes back to normal)

Grim: W-What was that?

???: …Is someone there?

Grim: !! Somebody’s coming!

???: ….Ah, you’re-!!

Episode 7-42

???: ….Ah, you’re-!!

Yuu: Mickey!

Mickey: Waaah! Is it true? Is it really you? This is amazing! We finally get to meet face-to-face, instead of having to talk through the mirror. Here, give me a high five!

(Yuu gives Mickey a high five)

Mickey: Yay! Haha!

Grim: Ah! He’s from that picture you took with the ghost camera! That Mickey guy!

Mickey: Eep! You scared me! I hadn’t noticed I had another visitor besides Yuu. You’re…

Grim: Name’s Grim! I run things over at Ramshackle dorm.

Mickey: Grim? Ah, that’s right. You’re the roommate Yuu mentioned before. I’m so happy I’ve got even more friends I can meet inside my dreams now. My name is Mickey. Mickey Mouse. Nice to meet you, Grim!

Grim: All right! …Nya ha ha! Looks like our “Contact Mickey” investigation was a success, all thanks to me! I betcha Ace and the others are gonna be peeved, heh.

Mickey: “Contact Mickey” investigation? What’s that?

Yuu: It’s a long story, but….

Mickey: So you guys were thinking that since I can talk with Yuu through the mirror and across different worlds, then maybe I could give you some clues on how to get Yuu back to his own world. Makes sense to me.

Grim: Yup. And there’s a whole bunch of stuff we wanna ask ya about!

Mickey: That’s no problem at all. I’ll be happy to help Yuu. Ask away!

Grim: First off, the heck is this freaky room?

Mickey: All the furniture and utensils in here move on their own. Some of them are congenial, others not so much. Recently, I got into a bit of a spat with the card soldiers.

Grim: You mean those cards that are all covered in ink? The ones on that shelf over there?

Mickey: That’s right. They were flinging their heart and spade markings at me left and right! So I took up that ballpoint pen over there and used it like a water gun, and I went on the defense.

Grim: Nyahaha! The cards are made outta paper so I bet they’re weak to water.

Mickey: Exactly. And that’s why they’re all wet and droopy now.

Yuu: How come the playing card soldiers attacked you?

Mickey: The King got jealous because I went dancing with the Queen… But I wasn’t trying to interrupt their little picnic date, you know? And then he went and ordered all the card soldiers to chase after me. We cleared up the misunderstanding afterwards, but still. I did something just awful to those little cards.

 Grim: I was thinking you used magic and made all the stuff in the room move around. But since you got in a fight with the card soldiers, I’m guessing it wasn’t your magic?

Mickey: Magic? Oh, that’d be just wonderful if I could use magic! Haha! But I’m no wizard.

Grim: Huh….. Then who enchanted this room?

Mickey: Hmm, I’m not sure either. At first, I thought I’d just imagined up both this room, and you too, Yuu. But that’s not right. Neither you nor this room came from my imagination…. Right?

Yuu: *nods*

Mickey: Ah, it's just one mystery after another.

Episode 7-43

Grim: Oh, yeah. Before I forget, how’d ya even get into this room, Mickey? The door won’t open, and the windows are closed shut, and neither me or Yuu can remember how we ended up here.

Mickey: Whenever I’ll be coming to this room, another version of me will slip out of my body while I’m asleep in bed.

Yuu: Is it like, your consciousness breaks free from your body?

Mickey: Yeah, just like that! And then I just have to pass through the mirror that hangs over the fireplace in my bedroom. And that’s how I get into this room here.

Grim: So you come and go through the mirror, huh. That’s just like how it works with the dorms at school.

Mickey: But when I tried while I was awake, I couldn’t get through the mirror. It seems to only work when I’m asleep.

Grim: Huh? Hey, wait a sec. ….So that means you’re asleep right now, right?

Mickey: Yup. The “me” here is bright-eyed and bushy tailed, but my body is snoozing away in bed right now.

Yuu: Then me and Grim are basically walking consciousnesses right now?

Grim: Whaaat!?? Then where’d my body go!? Don’t tell me I left it behind at Diasomnia!?

Yuu: I don’t think you could even call this an out-of-body experience anymore. This is awful….

Grim: *sigh* …..It doesn’t look like Ace and the others came along with us…. The heck are we supposed to do?

Mickey: What? You can’t find your friends?

(Yuu nods)

Mickey: That’s certainly worrisome…. Well, they might be around here somewhere. Let’s go outside and search for them.

Grim: But the door won’t open.

Mickey: You can’t just give up when you don’t succeed the first time! There’s challenges you can’t handle on your own, but if you work together with your friends, you’ll be able to get through.

(Riiing! Riiiing!)

Mickey: Ah! That sound is….

Grim: Oi, Mickey! Your body’s gettin’ all see-through like a ghost!

Mickey: Oh no, it must be morning already! My body is… waking… up…

(Riiiiing! Riiing! Riing!)

Mickey: I wish I could’ve….helped…. you… more…

Yuu: Mickey!

Grim: Aaaand he’s gone…. Dang it, and we’d finally just succeeded with our investigation!

(The room starts shaking)

Grim: W-What’s going on!? The room’s shakin’ all over!

(The room fills with a black substance)

Grim: Uwaaa! The room’s fillin’ up with a bunch of black wriggly things! They’re comin’ from outside!

Yuu: Is this… ink!?

Grim: H-Henchman! Y-You better stay close to me! I’ll burn up this black stuff with my flames!

Grim: Haaaa, haaaa…. I beat ‘em and I beat ‘em but they just keep coming back! At this rate we’re gonna….

???: *gurgles*

Grim: Take this-! ….Ugh *cough cough* I don’t have any fire left in me!

???: *gurgling*

Grim: What the!? The floor gave way behind us! T-There’s nowhere else we can run to….! S-Somebooodyyyyy!!!!

???: Prefect! Grim!

Grim: Eep! You’re that guy from Diasomnia….

Silver: We’ll talk later! Both of you, grab onto me. Hurry! Those I’ve met before, and those I’ll meet someday…. *Come, and let us dream the same dream.

*This is what he says in the text. Out loud he says “Meet in a dream”

Part 2

Part 3

#idia shroud #malleus draconia #lilia vanrouge #leona kingscholar #riddle rosehearts #twst silver #ortho shroud #twst spoilers #twst #twisted wonderland #ruler of the abyss #twst jp

[not-delicious-milk]

haha what if i wrote a shakespeare styled play about itafushi using blank verse and iambic pentameter to fill the void while i wait 2 weeks for a new chapter hahaha what if lol

#no but i’m serious #the issue is that jjk characters names don’t fucking FIT in iambic pentameter #truly a crime #i mean i guess you get MEguMI fuSHIguRO #and YUUji ItaDOri #no that’s not spongebob speak i’m trying to convey stressage #but i’m lowkey highkey serious #i would do it #i just gotta bust out chapter 7 of im alright if you’re alright and then boom #two weeks to kill and one (1) previous fixation on sonnets and iambic pentameter

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ upd8 2020-01-17

Alright, morningblogging yesterday’s 2020-01-17 upd8 to Homestuck^2 let’s go!  Spoiler-free again.  I kinda don’t want even the next chapter names image-spoiled above the cut anymore so I’m going to have to figure out WHAT to put above the cut in these liveblog posts for visual reinforcement... a unique silly icon?  Going back once I’m done with the upd8 and posting something non-spoilery but weird-looking out of context?

Eh, can’t be assed.  Just know that after this I’m going to pony up for the Patreon commentary and skim it for anything plot-useful to y’all (in a separate post).  Let’s get started.

Okay, what’s next:  Any bonuses?  Oh, none!  Phew.  Unless those are coming faster too and just staggered differently, which would mean I gotta overcome my irrational pre-Homestuck-reading anxiety even MORE often.  :T

No Homestuck you don’t GET to ask how my-- ah, right.  :P

(FYI, HS^2 has been good to my emotions so far, quite a balm for the epilogues, so once I START reading I’m usually fine; but after being hurt so badly how could I possibly convince my lizard brain to trust it until it’s right in front of me?  Seriously, just hearing that the upd8 has landed messes me up a bit until I come fix it by reading w/ y’all here.)

Okay, so whose feelings?  As much as I’ve been waiting for Jade, I hope this isn’t about Jade.

> ==>

Ah fuck, we’re finally with the Pursuit Crew.  Bracing myself.  That means we get to see probably sleeping Jade ( :C ), full-swing DaveKat (approving nod), the first canon onscreen look at masculine-mode Roxy (<3), a probably pretty pissed off Kanaya (possibly either the feelings target, the one Saying How Are Your Feelings, or both), and uh... did they drag Callie along?  Or leave her back there with her meta freakout?  Probably left her back there, but... hm.

Let me turn up the brightness on this screen to sear these next pages into my retinas.  (Also, it feels odd to still be using a four-person “==>” for these, although if Jade is still asleep the numbers might fit on both ends... :c )

> ==>

I don’t think Dad is in the spacefaring business, so this is probably one of Jake’s shittier spaceship designs.

> ==>

...well that’s a touch disturbing.  Is that a Jade-occupied bed or are those just pillows?

Oh what the fresh fanfic’y heck is this command.

> i enter.

Okay that’s great.  I got a kick out of that.

JADE [in calliope red]: the prince’s power grows.

--but that’s not.  That explains the narrative command text, it’s alt!callie talking through a still conked-out Jade.  Please let her wake up between speak-throughs, please tell me you’ve learned that trick??  I already know you’re gonna pull an “oh she was asleep pretty much all of those THREE YEARS OF TRAVEL” thing on me and that’s hard fucking enough to deal with.

KARKAT: JESUS CHRIST!

He’s actually using the full curse correctly, huh?

...These commands.  Guess part of the puzzle is how much alt!Callie is being typically morbid and how much she might actually be wising up enough to get a kick out of this.

> the knight of blood falls.

DAVE: dude can you chill for like even a single fucking second DAVE: also are you ok

Has CallieJade chilled for even a single second this entire trip??  Is he asking just if Karkat’s okay or Jade too???

--yeah I’m overblowing things out of nervousness.  Just wait and see a bit, boots.

Alt!Callie has at least learned to be more of a smartass:

> karkat is characteristically appreciative of the alarm call.

Shirt trade Karkat, nice.  And uh, Jade’s dress sure is a... dress.  Hm.

(Did alt!Callie alchemize adjustments to did she just luck out to have a red-symbol’d Bec belt and accent leggings?  I’d prefer the former, because as much as it would be acceptable within Homestuck proper, using the transition between the epilogues and this new-author’d work to just HAPPEN to give her a fitting outfit without an excuse via providence is kind of lazy.)

KARKAT: OH, PARDON THE FUCK OUT OF ME FOR OVERREACTING A LITTLE WHEN MY GOOD FRIEND "POSSESSED JADE" BUSTS INTO MY RESPITEBLOCK AT 5 AM! KARKAT: NEXT TIME I’LL JUST PULL THE COVERS BACK AND LET HER CLIMB IN! JADE: i am uninterested in that scenario. KARKAT: GREAT! POSSESSED JADE ISN’T EVEN HORNY! HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT?

...please let that mean he’s not used to her being possessed all the time and she wakes up sometimes.  PLEASE.

DAVE: but im pretty sure i locked that door JADE: i unlocked it with my mind. DAVE: fuck KARKAT: FANTASTIC. JADE: the prince’s powers are growing, but so are mine.

Dave, I’m pretty sure regular-ass no-Green-Sun Space powers can flip a few lock tumblers too.  (--though, I guess from context this was a Jakeship technolock.  Confirmation on the ship’s bad taste in design.  --I think I’m foggily remembering it said in the Epilogues that they took one of Jake’s ships just like Dirk did, too... man, being depressed so much by the Epilogues sure took a lot out of my ability to recall them decently.)

KARKAT: LIKE YOU DON’T FLOAT AROUND LIKE A CREEPY PIECE OF SHIT ALL DAY AS IT IS?

God DAMN IT she’s been asleep and possessed the whole fucking time.

> sleep is abandoned, coffee sought.

More obligatory DaveKat being cute, somehow only emphasized by the embarrassing glowing-with-power observer who doesn’t really get any of it.

Ah, here we go:

> the rogue is also awake.

Oh huh.  Cool!

Hero outfit, understated...  her his choice of heart-shades color-coded to stand out from Dave more to avoid further mistaken identity cases.  Works well!  (Holy shit I only JUST remembered at the end to go back and correctly gender Roxy as him, that was close. I blame the epilogues for a lack of visual reinforcement; I shouldn’t have as much trouble soon enough.  Seriously, I don’t remember ANYTHING without visual reinforcement, I think that’s why I remember so much of Homestuck proper so clearly.)

KARKAT: OH SHIT, THERE SHE IS! I DIDN’T EVEN HEAR HER FOLLOW US! ROXY: sometimes a girls just got to get her drift on i guess ROXY: it be like that

ilu roxy.

I missed Roxy so much, you guys.  I need more of him remarking on all this crazy shit if I’m gonna stay sane though all this.  (And I need more of him and AWAKE JADE kicking ass independently or together if I’m going to continue to believe there’s justice in the world.)

> ==>

We rarely saw Rose drinking anything but the rare coffee in canon, but I think Kanaya would have gotten her plenty into tea, yes.  Or at the very least, wanting the aesthetic of drinking tea with Kanaya would have gotten Rose into tea even if it never crossed Kanaya’s mind to try the stuff.

ROXY: well i mean who knows what she drinks now ROXY: dirk probs tossed the coffee machine out the space window right away ROXY: dude doesnt "believe" in "substances" > the prince is contemplated for a moment in silence.

FUCK, Dirk can see the narrative all the way out here???  No wonder alt!Callie’s forced to have possession turned on 24/7.  That’s fucking disappointing.  How the hell are we going to get any proper Jade time with THAT hanging over our heads?  She’d only be able to do anything when Dirk’s knocked out, and maybe not even THEN!

I was virtually promised more of actual non-asleep Jade getting shit done in HS^2.  Now there’s an even longer wait on it than I expected.  This sucks.

(EDIT: BOY did I misread that link line. Thinking “is contemplated” meant is sitting contemplating, when it meant "is being contemplated by everyone here". That was dumb of me.)

*clicks that next link*

Oh my goodness, Roxy joined the Bird Hair Crew.  It makes him look like a fucking asshole but I kind of love it.

KARKAT: IS THERE MILK?

I can’t believe Karkat is okay with drinking milk.  --yes, culturally Trolls are more comfortable with animal excretions than we are, but you would’ve thought years of railing against Equius would have purged any tolerance the idea of milk from his psyche.

I guess Dave introduced him to cereal, and it was all over from there.

DAVE: this is more like a castle DAVE: a castle of idk DAVE: twenty something ennui

Sounds like a relatable mood.  Especially considering Dirk probably decided to conquer reality out of almost nothing but twenty-something ennui.

Alright.  You aren’t going to turn Kanaya into an alcoholic or anything on us are you?

> the knight of time seeks a sylph...

--this is the shittiest shipboard starship aesthetic.

> ...and finds her, momentarily.

WOW that looks fucking depressed.  :(

> ==>

...okay you know what?  Never mind.  That outfit has wrapped straight back around into Trying Too Hard and is now hilarious.

DAVE: you ever feel like our whole lives are eventually gonna end up like this DAVE: just blasting through space on a sweeps long journey to ""somewhere"" chasing after or running from some vague enemy thats sometimes a god modded pet dog and sometimes your dad DAVE: without the faintest fucking idea of whats going to happen when we get there DAVE: thats a little specific but you know what i mean

Why do you think the epilogues upset us so much?  We thought we’d won free of that bullshit.

> ==>

Oh jesus christ that’s the most depressingly sad I’ve ever seen Kanaya drawn.  :C

--Karkat got you to watch Serendipity?  That’s amazing, Dave.

KANAYA: You Arent Reminding Me Of Her As I Rarely Think Of Anything Else KANAYA: I Close My Eyes And I See Her KANAYA: I Keep Them Open And I See Her

Fuck.

Y’know how little showing these two in love and actually HAPPY together we’ve seen in this entire comic and its subworks?  Despite them having spent at least a few happy years together we only saw in tiny screenclips?  And how Candy alluded super hard that they most likely couldn’t get that in this real timeline where shit’s going down?

Seriously, FUCK.  You could at least pretend to give us some hope, here.

Oh no, don’t ask for the nursery story, Dave.  Unless it turns out to be a funny one or a Rose twist on an old story or something.  Which it probably is, I should stop worrying.

> ==>

KANAYA: Oh Its A Wriggler Story About A Young Prince And The Beloved Flower He Loved And Lost DAVE: flower DAVE: like a plant KANAYA: Its A Fairytale Dave DAVE: right KANAYA: A Singular Wild Rose He Failed To Cherish When He Had Her KANAYA: And His Journey Of Discovering What She Meant To Him All Along KANAYA: Culminating In A New Quest To Find Her And Win Her Back

Dirk you PIECE OF SHIT did you rewrite the narrative of the fucking STORIES SHE TOLD CHILDREN?!??  Does the fact that alt!Callie is only in the present mean he can rewrite ANY past event we didn’t literally SEE???  FUCK you.  Seriously fuck all of this.

Please tell me she was kidding just then, or realizes there’s fucking something wrong with what she’s saying and getting angry or.

(EDIT: shoutyourporpoise replied: "Hey, idk If you picked up on this, but the 'nursery story' Rose told to the wigglers is just The Little Prince, which is maybe a BIT early for them to read, but I don't think that's a case of Dirk changing the narrative; its just Rose being Too Adult as usual." Oh, damn, I didn't even CATCH that it was that story. That makes all of this a lot more forgivable, even if pretty unforgivably leaning into the fiction that Dirk used to brainwash and kidnap her. Maybe that's exactly why it worked -- fiction, a story so blazed into the public consciousness? Hm. Thanks, shoutyourporpoise.)

KANAYA: But In A Way I Feel As If It Is the Greater Universe Trying To Tell Me Something

Mother fuck I’m even going to have to see our protagonists warped by Dirk when they’re ostensibly FULLY SHIELDED aren’t I.  There’s only so much of that I would be able to take, you know.

KANAYA: It May Simply Stem From My Longing To See Her Again And How Much Is Indicative Of Something More Sinister KANAYA: She Is A Goddess Of Light And The Only Of Her Kind We Know Is Alive After All KANAYA: Maybe Shes Wrested Dominion Of The Entire Concept In All Its Appearances Within This Frame Of Reference

Hm.  Well, it being a product of Rose’s ascension instead of Dirk’s is possibly a more charitable take, with Ultimate Rose projecting the delusion enforced on her backward, visible to past Rose’s Sight when she isn’t paying attention and thus paving the way for Dirk to paradoxically exploit that “ideal” as something Lighty and Important and “Perfect”.  I still don’t fucking like it though.

> ==>

DAVE: sorry i know you say you got your badass monster powers but kanaya you look tired as hell DAVE: not that im tryna psyche you or whatever but youre waxing poetic in the dark which i guess is maybe on brand but still

Yyyep.

DAVE: unless terezi is lurking in the vents somewhere and now that i bring that up its actually not out of the question so im kind of gonna be thinking about that one for a while

Pffff.

DAVE: youre the only person i know whos still basically the same as when i met you

--Which is kind of going to have to change, right?  She’s got some other cosmic purpose ready to change her a little more than she changed pre-human-troll-meetup, you’d think.

> ==>

Cute as hell.

> ==>

KANAYA: How Are Your Feelings

There’s the title drop.  I’d think Dave’s doing pretty well, considering?  Still fucked over by Dirk betraying and tricking Rose away who he’s been close with all his life, but.

> ==>

DAVE: except sometimes your best friend disappears and your other best friend goes into a ghost coma and your third best friend fucks off to space with your dad DAVE: the dude youve spent the last 7 years convincing yourself isnt an egomaniacal anime villain DAVE: and who isnt actually lying in wait to completely decimate your life and your emotions and shit

Ah... yeah.  A little worse than my casual list, huh?  Forgot that Jade vanishing into a possession-coma for THREE FUCKING YEARS is going to be hard on people inside the comic too, fuck.

DAVE: maybe it was naive to think that a bunch of twenty something trauma victims could run a society

I was honestly surprised they TRIED to run society at all.  Jasp even just highlighted a big reason why not in the bonuses.

DAVE: cool how earth c existed for centuries then we show up and manage to ruin society in seven fucking years

:(

Well, the trolls got THEIR lesson on why they didn’t deserve to rule over their new universe like gods; I guess some of y’all needed that lesson too?

DAVE: every serious conversation i have inevitably falls apart into riffing on a casual acquaintances ass

True.

Dammit, Dave didn’t feel like he could just be Some Guy even on Earth C.  :(

> ==>

...don’t think I’ve forgotten that nursery story, though.  I don’t want to think that it was something that ACTUALLY past happened, especially not without manipulation.  Like maybe past Rose was foreseeing the false purpose that Dirk wrote for her or the like, a cooperative misunderstanding between the two instead of Dirk or Rose literally reaching back in time.

> meanwhile...

KARKAT: WAIT, WHY THE FUCK AM I EVEN ASKING? HE’S OBVIOUSLY NOT FINE. KARKAT: ARE ANY OF US? ARE YOU? ROXY: not rly KARKAT: EXACTLY.

:(

--Oh right.  I remember that Callie and Roxy were going reasonably steady in Meat even though it was only alluded to, she didn’t freak out and stay awol or what have you.  That’s good to remember.  But it means Roxy deliberately left her behind to go on this dangerous quest, for years.  :C

KARKAT: KANAYA BARELY EVEN TALKS, CALLIOPE WON’T LEAVE THEIR CABIN, JADE JUST FLOATS AROUND LIKE A CREEPY BALLOON THAT’S MOSTLY MADE OF HAIR.

Oh, SHIT.  I should have read one line further.  They DID bring her.  Alt!Callie being here too must really FUCK with her.  ...maybe she can actually learn to accept that alternate way her life might’ve played out, though?

KARKAT: THE REALLY FUCKED UP THING IS I MIGHT BE THE MOST OKAY OUT OF ALL OF US, WHICH IS HOW YOU KNOW SHIT HAS REALLY GONE GLOBES UP.

Quite true.

ROXY: ur kinda an intense dude anybody ever tell u that KARKAT: NO.

Pff.

> ==>

KARKAT: AGAINST PRETTY MUCH ALL ODDS, AND DESPITE ME NOT DESERVING ANY OF IT, I ENDED UP GETTING PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING I WANTED. KARKAT: OVER AND OVER AGAIN. KARKAT: SOMETIMES IT ALMOST FEELS LIKE WHATEVER SLATHERING MONSTROSITY OF A COSMIC HELLBEAST THAT PUT ALL THIS SHIT INTO MOTION...ACTUALLY LIKES ME?

Well, if you want to blame Lord English for instance... we never saw Caliborn and Karkat interact much, but the parallels between the two were drawn so severely that Caliborn was basically the idealized, multiverse-threatening Ultimate Kismesis that he’d always dreamed of.  And operated against him without him even ever quite realizing it.

If a level of “respect” went from Caliborn to Karkat, too, from his Lord-Englishy vision nigh-omnipresent, then this outcome isn’t very surprising at all.

> ==>

(I don’t quite feel I get why Roxy shifted to this exasperated-Dave expression, but I get logically that he’d been waiting for Karkat to make a breakfast choice... Homestuck proper rarely pulled a “last line said corresponds to next-panel’s expression” without either leaving the conversation blank or having the NEXT lines of the conversation reinforce it, to prevent this inelegant misunderstanding.  Andrew was really damned talented in getting his point across visually, in that regard.  Just like, that careful visual intent delivery.)

Alright, I guess that’s it for this short upd8!  Meeting the pursuit crew was both more and less difficult than I expected.  Hopefully I get desensitized a bit as the characters continue to feel semi-almost-sorta-fine.

I have NO idea how this group is gonna work as a proper crew when we get to whatever weird other-players’ session this shit is going down in, though.

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #bladekindeyewear #blastyoboots #spoiler #spoilers #shoutyourporpoise

[outofcontextgamersagainstgaming]

evil dead fanfiction

evil dead fanfic written by 7 people, roughly one line at a time. enjoy

Evil Dead Fanfiction Chapter One

Paceholder

Ashley Williams drives in his car to his outpatient treatment for his ballsack replacement. Finally, he can have a chainsaw down there too.

 Evil Dead Fanfiction Chapter Two

It went horribly wrong.

 Evil Dead Fanfiction Chapter Three

He exits the hospital, takes a deep breath of fresh air. He has his whole life ahead of him, him and his chainsaw ball sack. (I thought it went horribly wrong? It got better)

John Damnit with an N meanders towards the shrubbery outside the ball sack outpatient treatment hospital plant hospital. Suddenly, John Damnit died. John Damnit got back up. “Ahhhh I’m a deadite” says John Damnit, “but… something in me still burns. A soul in me still burns. Oh my, who’s this?”

Ash Williams throws up. Out comes the baby. John Damnit races over and tries to say “o my god are u alright?” but it comes out as “AJKGNJNKJG” (because he’s a deadite)

The talking heads

And then Ash screamed for ten minutes. The Eraserhead baby cries on the floor. (Norman Osborn three men and a baby)

Ash and John Damnit decide to enter this strange world of parenting together and remove the baby from the ball sack premises to raise together. Ash Williams looks lovingly into John Damnit’s general deadite-faceness and notices a striking similarity to famed actor Jon Hamm (Baby Driver, Mad Men, Baby Driver, Bad Times at the El Royale, Ben Ten). John Damnit’s tongue falls out. And then Ash Williams picks up the tongue and makes out with it.

As they’re making out, no longer at the outpatient treatment, they hear a voice go, “Ahem. You sirs look like you could use a hand.” It’s Norman Osborn on a summer jog, wearing very short shorts. He is only wearing shorts. No shoes, only toesocks. The shorts are green with JUICY written on the ass.

Evil Dead Fanfiction Chapter Four

John Damnit and Ash stop making out. “Hi gayboy,” they greet Norman.

Norman Osborn points at the baby on the ground. “Is that your fucking baby? Crying on the ground?”

“I guess!” says both John Damnit and Ash at the same time. They haven’t even looked at the baby. Or named it.

The baby says “sup”

“Who are you?” says Ash Williams very assertedly, and sexily. (To norman? Or the baby?) There is a soft whirring sound coming from his pants.

“have you ever wanted to keep your baby safe while you’re making out with a deadite, ash evil dead? then buy my sonboytube” Norman said.

Norman continues, “And just in case you were thinking what I said was wrong, I said sonboytube, not suckboytube.” Norman looks at the camera directly and says “Leota it’s not your turn and I didn’t say suckboytube.”

“Did you say…. Sonboytube?” says mr ashley Williams evil dead.

Norman says, “what?”

John Damnit tries to say “suckboytube question mark?” but it comes out as “AJKHGJLLKH”

AshleyWilliams Evil Dead leans down and picks up the Eraserhead baby and says “anybody got any fucking baby food? This boys hungry.”

“Whoa man,” norman interjects, “you shouldn’t use that kind of language around an infant. And also, wht’s that strange sound coming from your pants?”

Ash replies, “what sound”

“Nevermind that.” Says Norman. “Follow me.” He puts a single finger on the foreheads of Ash Williams, Jon Hamm Damnit, and the eraserhead baby and they all teleport.

Ashley Williams slowly opens up his eyes. And he notices a surprising amount of things around him are made of chalk. “You bastard… you brought us into the Chalk Zone, didn’t you?

Suddenly, Snap (from chalk zone) shows up and is like “ayyy. Im snap. Who the fuck are you?”

“You bastard! You set us up!” He yells and busts out his chainsaw nuts, preparing for battle. (one nut tiger one nut gun) oh geeze the surgery mishap is visible. One of his nuts is a tiger, while the other is a gun!

Snap says “whoa there pal. Put that shit away. You wanna find out why they call me Snap?” and they can see the glint of the infinity stones behind his back.

The infinity gauntlet suddenly floats into view and launches towards the baby at high speeds. The baby catches it, puts it on and says “okay. Now this is epic.”

Ash Williams motions at him and goes “whoa slow down there tiger.” And then the tiger that is his ball whirs and hes like “NO NOT THAT TIGER”

And then Dante, from the Devil May Cry series appears! Knuckles is dead in canon.

The Eraserhead starts teething on the infinity gauntlet.

“Yo yo,” says Snap “somebody get that damn baby under control before it kills us all!”

The Eraserhead baby screams and then Snap’s head explodes, like a blueberry.

Dante goes “Ill handle that!” and flips his hair and does little flippy flips with his little legs and starts constantly shifting ages every second. The eraserhead baby starts to cry.

Ash Evil Dead looked at Dante. “Did you just make the fucking baby cry?”

Dante reaches into his pockets and pulls out bath toy ducks, for like ten minutes. For the next ten minutes, he is pulling out ducks.

The Eraserhead baby inadvertently snaps the infinity gauntlet and half the rubber ducks disappear.

Norman pulls out a handkerchief and starts dabbing at the sweat on his forehead. Dante dabs very quickly. Willem Dafoe

“I say I do declare” Norman pulls out a glock from his shorts. “Yeah Im packin. I keep that thang on me.” He levels the gun at John Damm. “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”

Jon Damm looked at Norman Osborn with the gun pointed at him “oh my god I love infamous second son!” And then Norman shot him.

Evil Dead Fanfiction Chapter Five

Dawn of the first day. Seventy two hours remaining.

Ashley Williams sits alone in his hotel room, holding the box of his lover’s cremated ashes(chalk dust). He forlornly looks around the room, and admires the beautiful chalk artwork on the wall. In the background, on the hotel tv you hear his favorite show, Storage Wars.

“Don’t worry babe” Ash turns around, but instead of it being the sexy age-shifting dante there, it’s Norman Osborn. He’s not wearing clothes but he’s got a sock on.

Norman Osborn is now fully clothed. He teleported his clothes on.

The Eraserhead baby rolled in and said “Ash you gotta draw something!” (this is what Snap would have said if he were here rest in peace.) The baby is glitching and making Sonic dash sounds and Half Life objects colliding sound. It’s also making Windows error sounds.

Dante busts through the wall and he says, “Ashley I have got to inform you of some terrible news. IT turns out when your son, the eraserhead baby, killed Snap by head explosion, it made Rudy mad……. and now he’s got the chalk.”

Norman walks back into view and now he is only wearing a sock. “Sounds like you need the power of my …. Sonboytube.”

Dante says, “your suckboytube?”

They feel something growing on the horizon.. something distant… dark… cold. They feel the ground shake a little bit.. more than the shit that was coming from Ash’s pants (now contained.)

“He’s coming,” Dante whispers, “Rudy’s on his way…”

Ash said “oh my god that’s horrible.” And norman teleported clothes back on his body. And then Norman looked directly at Leota and said “Stop trying to get me naked.”

Ash looks at Norman and says “why did you put your clothes back on?”

Willem (Dafoe the actor) says “Oh my shift is over, I’m not getting paid for this so I put my regular clothes back on. Norman is my dayjob. At night I am Willem Dafoe”

Ash and Dante share a really confused look. Ash says “Can I have the sock?” ahurrhh

Willem Dafoe says “fuck no, this is my actual sock. I’m not walking out here with only one sock.””

Ashley tears up. “So is nothing that we had real?”

Willem put a hand on his shoulder. “No, I still wanna put your son in the sonboytube. Don’t worry about that. Don’t you fucking worry Ash Evil Dead.”

Everybody stops because they hear a strange sound in the bathroom. Out of the toilet crawls Rudy, and he has the chalk!

Willem says “oh shit what the fucks that?” takes out his glock and shoots Rudy. Rudy crumpled like a sack of paper.

“I had that handled,” said Ashley as he pulled out his chainsaw arm which he’s had this whole time by the way.

Eraserhead baby says “ah” like the peanut butter baby.

Rudy uses the chalk to uncrumple himself and says “that wsnt very nice. You think you can kill me? You think you can kill a god, little man?” Rudy’s eyes glint with a devious, dark power.”

Willem Dafoe looked down at his glock. “I mean yeah, I thought if I shot you you’d die.”

Rudy starts doing the floss.

Snap comes back and says “thank god my head exploding was only a coverup when I escaped to grab the sonboytube” and traps rudy in the sonboytube.

“Wow that was fucked up. I wish jon hamm/damnit didn’t die so he could see this” says Ash very sadly.

Everyone expectantly looks at the door expecting him to walk through, but he is actually dead.

As everyone stares at the door, a tinier John Damnit crawls out the glock.

John Damnit tries to say “I’m here for you ash and I still love you” but it comes out as “hjksngjksnjk”

Ash starts to tear up looking at the tiny John Damit. “Don’t worry, I know exactly what you’re trying to say” and they kiss for ten minutes.

And then they got married for ten minutes! Love Wins!

#fanfic