#i just dont feel anything now like i dont feel sad or happy or anything. i am just. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

agirlwithglam · 2 days

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✨Time for Vanilla’s Opinion 🍰

Edition #1: thoughts on hate & caring about what others think of you.

Regardless of what people think of you, you need to understand that it only matters/ means something if you decide it to. What i mean is that i know lots of people say “you should only care about your opinion. Others opinion of you dont matter” but that’s only true if YOU DECIDE IT TO BE TRUE. I will say this again: this is your life!!!!!

If you choose to accept and believe the nonsense that others will think/ say of you, then you are saying “i dont have the confidence and self love in myself to only accept my opinion, so im going to give you the power over my emotions and how i act :)” do you really want to do that? Because that’s what you’re doing when you start acting based on how you think others are gonna think of you and what their perception is.

Remember: what other people think of you is just THEIR PERCEPTION. Stop making your personality & yourself dependent on what another person thinks of you!!

And also, some people will literally just hate on anything because of how sad their life is. I mentioned this before, and im gonna mention it again: there could be a video of CATS PLAYING on YouTube and you’ll find someone criticising and hating on that. That’s how sad some of these people in life are. So stop trying to or thinking that since you love yourself and you’re “perfect” that everyone should/ would like you because THATS NOT TRUE.

I read this quote once: “you could be the most juiciest, yummiest apple in the world, yet there would still be someone out there who doesn’t like apples.”

“So then.. what do i do if I receive hate? It’s still mean and hurtful.”

WHY does it still hurt??? WHY are you giving that person ANY control over how you feel???? If this person is someone who’s your friend or close to you, when they do it, TELL THEM THAT YOU DONT LIKE IT!!! Without communication and understanding, you will only start to build resentment for the other person, creating a toxic relationship. Comunícate your boundaries clearly by telling them that firmly, NOT in a joking manner, that you don’t like it. Now ofc if they do it once more, remind them again. Most of the time, if this person really cares about you, they will respect your feelings and stop doing that. But if it happens more times, you’ve gotta stop giving your energy to them. Reserve that for something that actually matters.

You may or may not have noticed that i did not write “just cut them out” because i know how difficult that can be, especially if you’re a kid still living with your parents. Because at some times, you’re stuck in the situation you’re in for a while (for example: a workplace, living at home, in 1 class at school) so its not as easy to just “cut them out”. And that’s why i wrote “stop giving your energy to them”. Because THATS what the parasites are feeding on! Your energy and attention! Take that away from them and see what happens.

BUT….;

know that what I’m NOT saying is to be a stone-cold bitch who doesn’t care at all about others or their happiness. (Because honestly, doing that shows me that you’re a lot more insecure) A lot of people now would be like “but it’s not my responsibility to ensure they’re happy. They are their own person in charge of their own actions and feelings!” Sure, ok. But then don’t come whining to me about how you have no friends and how you feel so lonely and sad. ‘You’re your own person and in charge of your own feelings’, remember? So if someone decides to leave a relationship (whether it’s a friendship, or with romance) with you because you don’t make them feel happy, then don’t be surprised about that because ‘they are their own person.’

But look, i completely agree with the fact that you and every individual indeed are in charge of their own feelings and actions, but just stop and think about it for a sec; would YOU want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t give a hoot about your happiness? Yuck, no!!

So to put it in more simple/ plain terms: be KIND to people, bring smiles to peoples faces when you can (give them a compliment, help them out, listen to them, offer advice, etc.) but don’t something that compromises your own wellbeing and happiness. Cus like, how is complimenting someone’s hair or eyes gonna hurt you? If anything it would just make you happier. But also don’t live your life constantly on the edge, afraid of what he’s gonna think of you, what shes gonna say about you, etc. etc.

I guess that’s pretty much it. <3 anyyywayys i hope you enjoyed the 1st edition of the series! If you have requests, comment on this post of send an ask using the ‘tea’ button ☕️

Xoxo, Vanilla

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luck-of-the-drawings · 21 days

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smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.

#jrwi show #jrwi fanart #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying #nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess #ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so #i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little.#AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair.#AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair #both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother.#GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home #but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns.#he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again #not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO #i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED #all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis #but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum #and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it #youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales.#YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!!#you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound.#elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now.#this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes #BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply

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moeblob · 26 days

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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

#my characters #waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit #deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee #and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name #deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c #man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while #he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair #ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so #its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons #but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me #and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not #fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew #and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable #while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts #and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed #so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en #so you know maybe its that idk #and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now #and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it #and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad #that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal #and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it #the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer #anyway story time in the tags again #im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note #its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him #he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times #and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea #and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you

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kohakhearts · 23 days

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theres a really. special kind of despair in the uncertainty brought about by moments of success and achievement. the inevitable “what now” of reaching your goals. and i kind of wish someone had warned me how hollow graduating university would feel, tbh

#taylor.txt #im miserable primarily for other reasons right now but i dont think i appreciated how much this just…wouldnt feel like anything #i think especially in my case as someone who so desperately needed ‘going away to college’ to get out of my childhood situation #and now for the past 5 years everything ive done has been for the purpose of getting my degree and finishing school #like im fine i guess i just kind of wish i could feel proud of myself or happy its over instead of like dreading the ceremony and feeling #like everything i have to do for grad is just one more thing i have to check off a list. getting my grad photos done felt nice but idk #it kind of feels like no one really cares which. idk why i would expect it to NOT feel that way. but yeah #tl;dr im around Kinda…need to finish stuff up but im over the really busy part of this all. kinda just coasting to the end here tbh #when this is over i’m gonna get to my request fics. prommy. wanted to do them over the long weekend but i was sick :(#anyway like to be clear im fine. people have been pointing out today i seem down and i think embarrassingly a collection of my students #noticed me crying on the bus today but thats life i guess you make do. im sad and thats ok. tbh

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cobaltfluff · 2 years

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「忘れないで、さぁ、進もう」

Happy KagePro day!

how the years have gone by, how so much has changed, and yet, some things will always remain the same...

#kagepro #kagerou project #art tag #animated #ngl im emotional #i feel so much older now with a job and so little time to draw #but i really wanted to squeeze something out #it's a little rushed but idk i just feel like it's something i have to do #it feels really special to me man #like i dont hype about it all year round but #august is kagepro month and you bet im going to sacrifice sleep to do something #it had such an impact on my childhood yanno #it's brought me so much happiness #and i know this could definitely be so much better #but i just dont have the time #idk it kinda makes me feel really sad but at the same time #that's what the series is about too isn't it?#just bc i've grown up and im an adult now #doesnt mean im any less of a child #and it certainly doesnt mean those times didnt mean anything #oh god it's late night emotional rambling hours #but anyway happy kagepro day y'all!!#stay safe and stay happy!!!#next time remind me to not do everything in like 2 days lmaooo

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jorvikzelda · 25 days

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today i had this Vivid memory flash through my mind of kissing my ex boyfriend (this was like 2018) and i felt so viscerally fucking revolted and I gotta say. it is truly impressive that I didn’t realise I’m a lesbian sooner than fucking half a year ago

#z talks #like the misidentifying as ace was Inevitable i think. that was due to repression that realising i didnt like men would not have fixed #(context: id’d as bi ace like. i wanna say 2016/17-2021/22 sometime and then went into ace and Questioning)#remember the time i really solidly settled on being aro because ‘romance has never not felt like a chore and putting on a facade’#babe no thats because your most recent and also singular long term relationship was with a Man #and thats the only one youre looking back on #its so funny how i dated a guy and it was so thoroughly Meh that i just didnt feel like pursuing anything romantic for a very long time #(A REACTION I HAD NOT HAD AFTER MY PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS WITH GIRLS)#And DIDN’T somehow consider that maybe I just Didn’t Like Guys #its nothing i grieve or feel sad about dw its honestly mostly funny to look back on #no wrongs were committed and i dont hold a grudge against the guy it was just me being confused and compheted #(…which is also a weird word to apply because at the time i identified and was out to my friends as a trans guy Binary.#This Was Also Wrong.)#was a weird time man. a truly weird time #anyway. all is well i have now been on 2 dates with a really cute girl and she gave me tulips <3 #as part of a Care Delivery bc i had a Migraine and No Painkillers Or Snacks #get well flowers <333333 #and now i dream of kissing her under the moonlight #With the uh. Hornetposting lately it May seem unlikely but yes I DO interact with real women! Romantically!#They coexist Wonderfully <3 #Anyway. I’m gonna go to bed #Realising that im a lesbian solved all my identity problems including my fucking gender which is just fantastic #I am very happy and whenever I think of being a lesbian it grounds me to reality a little bit stronger and i go yeah. Yeah.

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bonesrbleaching · 18 days

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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what

#lolaa.txt #what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa #also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men #and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man #so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face #that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin #you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to #never really have #im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are #if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box #then when would you have any space for self discovery #youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats #and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names #and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy #and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia #tw transphobes

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annieroses-rant · 1 month

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used to

used to guilt and shame

like needles in my veins

am I doomed to be mediocre at everything?

everyone thinks that I'm doing too much

but not trying hard enough

no one knows how hard

I chase the dopamine rush

everyone feeds me the same motifs

enough is enough

I can’t be strong like I used to

can’t not be wrong like I used to

I can’t work like I used to

hell, am I even useful?

if I’m not what I used to be,

will I then lose everything?

do I know the girl I used to be?

who is this new girl that I see?

you call her by my name

but we aren’t the same

cause she’s not what she used to be

she’s worse than geometry

why can’t I just live

up to what everyone thinks of me

just lock me away

leave me with my artistry

the only thing that improved

but you’d only find choreography

I’m the one who makes the days the same

though not how they used to be

so much on my back already

but what else do you want from me?

I’ll take the blame

shackles and chains

though I really need to be free

because that’s who I used to be

so please, please don’t give up on me

I can’t live as who I used to be

but I’m still trying though crying

still going and growing

I’m not sure if I’ll make it anymore

not sure if I can take this anymore

but if I can’t, what am I even here for?

just leave me with my tears

just shut the door

I’ll sit here with my fears and my heart still sore

I’ll look back on these years

when I am hurt and bored

and when no one seems to need me

not like they did before

do you even need who I used to be anymore?

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atomicengineerdetective · 3 months

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No one talk to me I just came back from a family vacation to find out my favorite youtuber ever is leaving the platform.

I am devastated.

(I am actually happy for him, he has given me so much happiness for like 8 years. He deserves to let the channel go an enjoy his life. It just hurts, but I'll get over it

I'm so thankful for MatPat and Steph. I Hope every future endeavour or project they take on is successful and that over all they have a happy and fulfilling life with Ollie.💚❤️💛💙)

#I leave to a place with no cellphone signal and come back to this?#may be the lord was protecting me idk #What do I call this? a personal rant? Im not really ranting more like letting my feelings out #venting if you #never done this on my blog before but I feel like I have to #I've been a Fan of game theory since I was like 13 or 14 #He was like the first youtuber I ever suscribed to #that spoke english cause my first language is spanish lol #His videos and overall community meant a lot to me. I dont know how could I possibly express that #Of course Im going to still watch the videos after he is gone with the new hosts but still it wont be the same #Hope this doesnt sound too like sad. I dont mean to be negative. I am legitemetly so proud and happy for him #I mean He had one of the classiest goodbyes of YouTube at least I can say my favorite youtuber was never cancelled thats a win haha #But seriously he has achieved so much and has over all been such a positive influencer how could I not be proud to call myself a Fan #so truly I am not sad He ended on the highest note you could ask for. I cannot ask for anything more from him.#I am not sad However I did cry like a Baby during the Video. Man I just. Im tearing up even thinking about it #but anyway #You bet I am going to watch every single one of his videos the second they upload until march 9.#And then I am going to dedicate the day to the celebration he supposedly plans for then #I will probably vent some more in a bigger post then too. like I did in this tags lol.#Right now... I just cant. I need to process a little more heh #MatPat #Matthew Patrick #The game Theorists #game theory #goodbye matpat

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girlwithfish · 1 year

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having horrible self image i just have to deal w it cuz like hwen am i ever happy with how i look or my body i just want to stop being at war w myself or at least w my looks cuz it just is such a downer always being unhappy with my physical self like im already unhappy w who i am as a person cn i at least be satisfied w how i look😔☹️idk i never grew out of the self hatred phase it just sucks. very ed sh tw in tags i guess

#spent my childhood hating my body too all of middle school and hs basically like how did this happen lmfskdkd #id limit what i ate track calories i would take ice baths cuz i thought id burn calories all of this stuff it was so stupid and idk sad i #guess #no one rly cared either ig cuz my health wasnt in danger but i was so unhappy w myself and always tired and sad and just mde me more depres #depressed #now its like ive never been happy w myself i tried to be satisfied w my face after yrs of hating my looks and e asian features #and my facial deformity lol loke yeah #Ok #so i still hate that . sometimes i can tolerate my face but its not like i love myself or think i look good cuz #i feel like im just objectively ugly and i hate my face and i hate my body usually #unless if i see i lost weight or in the morning when im m*rnjng sk*nny its so gross like lol i need to stop #i hate it sm and i just feel like cutting myself out of my body idk like a lot #its like smth i just have to get over i guess idk what else there is Lol #i try to have a healtby relationship to food nd soemtimes i even like cooking and i dont fast or anything anymore cuz like i hate #feeling sick from hunger nd being tired im already tired in general so i need energy so yeah but #idk </3 #It just sucks idk how to dsal w it lik i just have to be satisfied and accept myself fro who i am #and all my looks and features and everything on my body #i guess #It just sucks cuz i think im the most ugly repulsive thing sometimes and wish i coukd disappear or cut myself away like.

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augustinapril · 8 months

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://

#vent #venting #ventish #spencer vents #i fucking act with this #im so sad right now #i cant stand myself or anything i do #and i just. i gave uo on this thing #this thing that i had gping on for so long #and i dont even care anymore #why do i feel like tvis #i ahte this feelign and i want it to go away so badly #why cant i be normal and happy

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weenhands · 11 months

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the only time today i manage to let out a genuine smile is while watching return frank doing a silly little dance while onstage during vampire money <333 dilfs are the only things protecting this country

#THAT ALMOSY TYPED OUT CUNTY #also yeah todsy was absolutely horrid ans terrible wnd i dony deserve to be alive idk #i was very upset. And it showed near loved ones ans i wish i wasnt alive i dont deserve literally anything im so terrible<333 #and i ended up napping early bc i was rllytired frommy walk #and on that walk i just really thought about how my ....Undiagnosed Ocd is literally ruining my life #bc atfirst i considered it anxiety and rumination and etc etc but now that im doingba bit of research it is almost perfectly #in the box of obsessive compulsive disorder #this has basically ruined my life since i was roughly 16 and ages 16 - 20 are a massive blur <33 no real goddamn memories #my life is terrible i just want to go back to when i was in middle school when i was just depressed but also happy at times #if i struggle make it so that i can at least feel like im here lol #but yea i got some clarity abt it all and i think its making sense #i just want to live again #i dont feel real and i wanna go offline too bc its showing on here too #me being like more grumpy and posting way less about frank #i feel like i lost my passion for mcr/frank a bit and rn its just me being depressedand letting my thoughts control me like they have #since i was in the 11th grade #whatever. i just hope tomorrow reflects the clarity i have and i dont end up so insanely sad #hhhhh<333 i hate mysekf so much i. an undeserving of so much especially my parents #i dont deserve a roof over my headim just some disabled idiot who is stuck in constant rumination <3333 idiot idiot die

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1980ssunflower · 1 year

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yeah ngl im being a sad little baby rn

#like fuck OFF im SAD i MISS my MIN AND RYAN!!!!!!!!!#MY HEART HURTS!!!!!!!!!! I CANT STAND NOT BEING W THEM I JUST IDK WHAT TO DO #my entire life feels so empty w/o being there w them...#the idea that ill always have to be here w/o them... makes me miserable tbh #id do anything ANYTHING to be w them rn #they give my life purpose they give me a reason to live pretty much and idk i just #mmmmmmm i cant even really express how sad i always feel being w/o them #but tonight is a particular night of feeling so so damn lonely w/o them..... just missing them so much........#and it DOESNT help that i cant focus on DRAWING!!!! AND LIKE WHY IS IT TAKING OVER 6 HOURS TO DRAW A SINGLE PANEL OF MY CHRISTMAS COMIC #THIS ISNT FAIR!!! I CANT EVEN DRAW US TOGETHER PROPERLY AND I CANT BE HAPPY W IT #because i dont even feel happy w how its looking... everything feels so dissappointing #i just wish they could be here in front of me and to look into their beautiful eyes as they pull me close and hold and kiss me #reassuring me that they love me #if they were here to love me right now i wouldnt feel so miserable abt not being able to draw them...#ot3: ❤rhyme💛easy💙#tape entry circa 1980 #vent

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boyfeminism · 1 year

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if i am the only one in the house with covid then like sure thats great and lovely and im glad but also like. my heart is just breaking bc my gf is downstairs and if im positive i dont even get to touch them again before they leave and im trying to be brave about it but it isnt working

#and im supposed to go see them for their graduation in like less than 3 weeks and i already was going to be hurting over plane ticket #but like to miss an Entire paycheck AND have covered shifts on my fucking vacation #im being angry to distract from being deeply fucking sad #there is nothing good there is nothing happy i thought i had one more night to hold them and i dont #on the bright side we have started looking at apartments. i'll be with them by april forever.#we'll have a place thats ours and we'll never have to leave each other again #saying goodbye gets harder for me every time but i might not even get a proper goodbye #and im really really relieved they tested negative im just miserable everything abt this is miserable #whatever i hope i explode every day until april #and like i dont even have anything comforting right now bc it all just feels so deeply fucking hollow n miserable bc jackie is Right There #negative #sickly victorian posting #speaking

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florenceisfalling · 2 years

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okay bye guys see u. idk. sometime soon? soon

#this year has been one of the worst of my life and i really want to get better but i feel like my whole world is kinda crumbling around me #lol hashtag relatable ig #im trying really hard to do the things i need to #but i literally feel like im being torn apart at the seems mentally #but im trying. really hard. to get things done before i have to move back to university #i only have a few weeks #i got sick these last few days which is both a blessing and a curse #a blessing because i dont have to go to work #a curse because im not making money and also im sick lol #really hoping my job just never contacts me again. i dont want to try to even go back even tho im pretty much not sick anymore.#and its 4 am now so... that means today was supposed to be my last day anyway. bleh #and i am gonna be another year older in 8 days... fuck. i dont want any of this. i want time to stop for a while.#i just feel like melting into my mattress and really truly i feel like ive already killed myself. i dont feel alive. i dont feel like #theres anything valuable coming out of this. i barely even feel like a person #but at least the upside of that is i probably wont consider walking into traffic again lol #and yknow i thought a lot of my sadness was circumstantial #which is true. i have some really tough things going on in my life right now so a lot of my sadness came from that. but now that ive been #sort of dunked in the feeling... it doesnt matter now. when i have a happy day or a happy moment it only lasts as long as the high and then #its over and im over and im back to being dead and i dont remember the good feelings anymore. i know i had a great day the other day.#i remember the moments. i remember smiling. but i dont remember how it felt. even though it wasnt even a week ago.#its like eating cold soup and trying to imagine it warm fksjdlf #sorry for ranting. i have a sideblog for all that for a reason i just. damn. spewwwwwwww

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zet-sway · 2 years

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Sometimes I write fic in my drafts. I've done it for ages but today is the first time I've actually lost an entire thing that I wrote and damn if that isn't the icing on a shit month idk what is. Finally write something, and then poof, gone.

#zet things #negativity #i feel like i have to work so fucking hard for every shred of happiness right now and its so exhausting and just... wow #when did i get so bad #who am i #what the fuck is wrong with me #why is everything so hard #why cant i just appreciate my life #i dont even have the energy to laugh about anything anymore dude i am just so sad

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